God Awful Movies - 325: Newsboys Under the Bigtop

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

This week, Anna joins us for an atheist review of Newsboys: Under the Bigtop, the story of a bunch of Christian music artists trying to guess what an acid trip is like. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. You can find Anna's album here. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I think I analyzed this correctly. I'm quite certain that they just had that in their music video and then they were like, Miracle, Clown Cancer, Japanese Lady Cut. I mean, if we know anything about the stream of consciousness fucking lyrics that these guys do, like it's like Aphrodite at the Asylum Buying, lots of onion syrup! But Pokemoner best friends got to the cat monkey chicken fish frog! Like it's... Yep. It's literally... Nonsense!

Yep. God awful! Movie! Movie! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be will be who screw to believe I boss Nicky lie how's it going? I'm pretty good he or is it? What? What do you think? He called me inscrutable.

It's like you don't know thing right? Like it's not understandable. Actually you were kind of close. Yeah, man of mystery. Is the fed up Ponzi scheme will never know? Yes, we will don't. I will I will turn this car around right now. All right, let's this car around right now.

All right, let's just plow right ahead. We also have veteran guest, maskist. You heard her already. Anna Bosnick is here. Anna, thanks for joining us. Oh, yeah. Yes, I love that noise. So Anna, oh yeah, you ready to talk about this movie? Oh, I'm ready.

I am so ready. I'm pretty fucking excited. Would you even call it a movie? You know what? It's more like a music video. A music video. A music video. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a long music video, but the music isn't music. So. It's like, it's like the, remember that the Bee Gees did a Sergeant Pepper is the only hard cook for us. Sure. It's kind of like that. It makes this much sense.

Yeah. Absolutely. So let's, uh, let's spoil it for everybody. What? Thing me all's a jaw are we gonna be breaking down today? We watched news boys down under the big It's The story of a small town American kid who runs off to join the circus and finds his way to Jesus

through the power of 90s pop rock and an extremely intimate relationship with a mop. It's very close with the mom. Honestly, I- Very bad. I just learned that for the first time. Substeading, as you were saying. I was like, oh yeah, I guess that could be what that was about. Yeah, I was too busy writing.

I hate this in my notes. So very confusing. I, you know what, but I wrote that halfway through the, once I figured out what the, the mainstream plot was, but that was not the case. Yeah, you had to go back. I'm sure, but I'm impressed. You figured it out at all. If I had to write that part this week, I would not have had anything.

Pass. Pass. Passed. This is supposed to be worth acid. I literally in my notes was like, did I take acid today? I'm not. Yep.

All right, well, Eli, tell us how bad was this meausky? Well, if you loved the tapes and storytelling of yellow submarine, but you'd like a band on the opposite side of the talent spectrum, and people, you will love this movie. This movie sucks a lot of ass. It really, it really does. We've talked before about the idea of like, good bad and bad bad and bad good and good bad.

This is bad bad. It's bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad good and good bad. This is bad bad. It's bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Yeah. All right. Well, speaking of which, is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, best worst animal budget. Do they have a-

There will be a lot of animals referenced. Sure. I mean, it is, it promises circus animals. They have the budget to know of animals. But the ones that we find, we actually get our eyes on. The cute little bastards we get to put our eyes on are not what you'd expect. No, no, they- Or are not what you'd expect. No, no, they're as many

as you'd expect. They are, they're lovely. All animals are lovely. But they are lovely. And this movie, I hate what they do with it. I can't stand anything that happens with animals. Yeah. You know what? I again wrote this before the ending of the movie. And now I'm a little tricker. All right. Everybody put a pin in that for the ending of the movie. And now I'm a little trickery. All right, everybody put a pin in that for the ending of the plot that we're going to get to. I was going to go with best best. There was one shining aspect to this movie. Best best angry clown coach at clown.

Yeah, you know what? I'll take that. I was amazing. It's like a crazy, angry, little league dad coach, but for clay, it was like my dad. If he wasn't a sculptor and was instead a clown teaching me angrily to be a clown. So perfectionist, it was the best. Mm-hmm. Yeah, there's a lot of whiplash or as I would call it slip on a banana peel lash.

Wow. I spent a lot of time trying to come say slip. That was the best I could slip. There's a step. Yeah, no, you're explaining it all the way out. It's better. Yeah, yeah. They say tell them. That's jokes that you explain. I'm going to go with best worst way to shove a music video into the movie at the end. So I mean, that's the whole thing, right? I was supposed to be a vehicle for the news boys to make music videos. Wait, it was. Yeah, no, and we'll get to this.

They thought this was going to be like the start of something big. Yeah. Oh, we will get to this. Keith and Wright and Eli Bosnick. I don't know why Eli is the one telling us about this. And when they reach the end of what they go ahead and call a plot, they're just like, ah, shit, we need to do that other song.

So they just fucking do two more songs. Well, and then they ran out of film and they just cut a song halfway through the end too. It would be like a hamlet stood up at the end of Hamlet and was like, I'm sorry, there's this poem I wrote about flowers that I've been meaning to work in the case thing. Well, I don't know, they also got very meta with it. Very.

Very. They got very Facebook. They got super Facebook. Yeah. All right. Well, I think we need a quick break before we get into this nonsense. Oh, fuck yeah. I need a break. And then we'll be back to tell you all about news boys down under the big top. What's up?

Hey, Anna, you're doing start a sketch, grumbles over there. What's wrong? Oh, it's just Eli. He's just constantly demanding that I do this thing at home like night and day, no matter what kind of day I'm having, he just presents himself to me and starts begging, you know? Wow, okay. I don't think I'm really the person to... So I was wondering, would you do it? Me?

Oh, yeah, maybe. Uh, I don't really think that he'd want me to trust me. He'll take it from anyone. There's a place next to our Starbucks and I swear he goes there once a month. That is if he doesn't get it from the gym at the gym. Wow. I just yeah, that doesn't seem like a reasonable thing. What do you say?

Will you rub his shoulders? Miss Sasha's shoulders. Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah. Right. That doesn't seem like a reasonable thing. What do you say? Will you rub his shoulders? Missage his shoulders. Oh, okay, got it. Yeah, right, right, right. But why don't you just try Theragon? What's a Theragon? Theragon is the handheld percussive therapy device

that releases your deepest muscle tension using a scientifically calibrated combo of depth, speed, and power. And it says quiet as an electric toothbrush. Oh, that sounds like just the ticket. It is just the ticket. Whether you want to treat your muscle tension from working out, you want to treat an injury or just the stresses of everyday life, there's no substitute for the Theragon Gen 4. After I used my Theragon, I felt like a bowl of sweet, sweet relaxation

flavor jello. Okay, Heath, I felt like a bowl of sweet, sweet relaxation flavor gel. Okay, Heath, I'm sold. Where do you get one? If you want to try Theragun for 30 days, starting at only $199, just go to Therabody.com-offel right now and get your Gen 4 Theragun today. That's Therabody.com-AWFUL. Therabody dot com slash awful. Awesome. I mean, but what did you think I meant? No, no, nothing. Nope.

Because you said maybe you did. I have to go. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathen, right? And I'm Anna Bosnick. As you may already know, this month is our mostly annual fundraiser, Voguearity for Charity. For you donate to charity, and as a thank you, we give the person of your choice a proper

roasting. But did you know that your roast can take a musical form? That's right, it can. Thanks to my musical talents, we've roasted two sets of bad dads, a set of bad moms of the Gilmore girls, and a whole bunch of dogs. How many dogs? And don't forget the Jehovah's Witnesses.

What did I could? What did I could? And if you got the dough to spend, your roast request might end up being a song as well. Maybe Eli will even give me more than 24 hours notice this time. I wouldn't count on that. So here's the deal. Donate $50 or more to someone who needs your help at modest needs.org. Send us the proof along with who you'd like us to roast to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com. All spelled out with details and pictures, please.

Exactly. You can even request who you want to do the roast. Maybe you want heath to roast your dog. No, no, no, no, when I do're not roast. I'm seriously not doing that. That's true. Nope. He does. He loves roasting dogs.

I'll sing a fucking song. I swear to God. I'll do a song. You don't want that. Yeah, about roasting dog. We'll be roasting the choices of our top 100 donors and 100 randomly chosen ones as well. But get those donations in quick because you've only got till November 24th. And as soon as you donate the greater the chance that you'll

be chosen. Well, charity for charity, being bad never felt so good or musical or musical. And we're back. And we're going to start off with an old couple getting interviewed, like Harry Met Sally style, about their son, who was apparently one of the newsboys, Phil Joel, I think. Yeah. I'm guessing that this was just like one of the newsboys, parents talking about how disappointed they are in him,

and they were like, you know, we could use this for the movie. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it's Midwestern couple whose son has a deep Australian accent. Yep. Yeah. I didn't notice that yet. Yeah. He's supposed to be one of the Australian ones. Yeah. And it sounds like he's run away to join the news boys and they're like, our kid was doing fine. And he was fine and we were fine, but he asked us if we were fine.

And so conflict. Yeah, apparently he wrote him a letter and he said, how are you and mom was like, how are you? And she starts crying because he said, how are you in his letter? To be fair, no one wants to be reminded that they're related to a news boy I get it. Yeah. So that's what I thought was happening here.

I thought the parents were being like, yeah, so being a band, that's a terrible career choice. Parents hate that. And then it was a Christian band fucking gross. But no, they weren't talking about the news boys yet. They were talking about how Phil Joel joined the circus. Which can I just say I would be so happy if Max decided to join a circus. My parents would be so happy with me if I decided to join a circus. Like, that's not a bad career

choice. I don't like the like malnourished part of the thing. Sure. Yeah, that's problematic. Max, if you're listening, I would like you to not join. I would like Max not to. If you're listening, I would like you to not I would like Max not to I'm not having to like pay for I don't want to come on. I'm gonna go to fucking watch you do a clown thing. I'm gonna be dead very soon. Thank you. That's exactly what I was talking about. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, but thanks to policy genius, we have an excellent. Thanks to policy genius, Ethan will have to cover anything when my heart explodes in the middle of a bonton.

Also clown dog. Yeah. So now we cut over to the sun in this, he's in the circus. He's writing his parents a letter. And this is where we meet. I think we can all agree on this podcast, the star of the movie clown dog, a dog in a little clown pass. Oh, yeah. We fucking love this time. I wrote in my notes. All right, audience. And then he threw now diehard fans of this film. It's going to be just you and me trying to create an size it. Oh, I was. They pride me away

from that stance real fast. But yes, at this moment, I was like, dog, he's been playing with the dog. Oh, yeah, fuck yeah. But the scene is so bleak. He's drinking milk from a carton and he's inside like a shipping container where he lives. He's making a hot dog over a candle, I think. Yeah. And the dog's just like, come on, man, like he got to do better than this. This is. Yeah, but this is rough.

What I love about this is that he gives the dog half of his hot dog, but the dog has like this beautiful coat that has obviously been groomed to perfection. It's obviously like this really fucking healthy dog. So I feel like the dog just comes and like hangs out with the dumb noob just to like steal half of his, half of his only dinner just, you know, because he can. Okay. I love this parallel fiction where the dog is fine and not part of the circus. I know.

Phil Joel is the victim of the dog here and I'm happy about it. Yes. Yes. Exactly. I'm totally on board with that. I am into it. Yeah. He offers the dog a bite of the hot dog, actually.

And he's like, okay, but the burned part of the hot dog gives you cancer and the dog's like, I want cancer. That's the word. I don't know what I treat my life with you. Treetows, give me the beef. If it's shortened, it's less time with you. So now we're going to cut over to our first music. And this is the newsboys performing in front of a crowd of literally dozens,

dozens, I think. And we're showing us crowd surfing. Doesons, dozens, I think. Dozens and a showing us crowd surfing. If you crowd surf at a newsboys at a Christian rock concert, you just fall. You fall on your face. That's what happens. The idea that they did a crowd surfing joke and it wasn't Jesus on the cross crowd surfing is a huge waste.

What a tremendous waste. That would have been so fucking good. Also, what is this U2 knockoff bullshit that we are listening to? If you can, if you're gonna rip off music and make it Christian, you can do way better than Bono. Yeah. I'm mad. I'm mad that it's even slightly related to YouTube. That bothers me. I didn't. Yeah. It's just like the, run it. It's you could hear Joshua Tree basically in this music. If Sunday, Bloody Sunday was playing and they were doing the Jesus crucifix thing,

road, crowdsurfen. Now I'm just grateful that iPhone doesn't download a newsboys album onto your phone and I'll let you download it in a matter of one. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Be all out worst. So yeah, they sing a little bit, then we watch them come off stage. Oh wait, wait, wait, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I have more to say about this. First of all, swordfish crowd surfing. Great. Wait, is that really happened? This was the first time I was like, oh, did I? And gorilla and gorilla start crowd surfing, which is great. Also, it looked like the drummer was singing lead on this track because he was actually using the microphone in a way that made sense to be singing.

The lead singer is, no, it turns out the lead singer is actually singing and he is bopping around on that stage with his microphone like all the way out in front of him, like moving it or it would sound, if that was actually mic'd, it would sound like Eli on a trampling. It would just be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and the lead singer is on like a two and a half second Skype delay from the rest of the band. Yes, definitely. They're definitely doing music via Zoom meeting here. So now we cut to them leaving the stage after their big successful concert. And this is just such a fantastic moment because it's one of the only flashes of newsboy reality we get

because they all walk off stage and they're not rock stars. They're just fucking divorce dead. So they pick up their big dad water bottles. A church group hands him off, hands their lead singer of fruit basket and he pauses in absolute horror and self-reli- he comes un-fucking stuck in time. As we watch him. He's Billy Pilgrim. He's absolutely Billy Pilgrim, longing for Dresden. And they show us this for so long. And it's this newsboy, just thinking to himself,

he's standing next to two kids who gave him a fruit basket from their church group and he's posing for a picture for 45 seconds of silence just being like, my life is really sad, is it? Yes. Don't you know, never give him a fruit basket. His whole family was murdered by fruit banks. Honestly, that makes this track.

It's just back on 12th Malfa door and they're like, Hey man, you fucking suck. Clap hands, clap hands, clap hands, clap hands, you suck. This is worse than dressing. This is significantly worse than dressing. At least those school children got to boil. Oh man, that school teacher. Good for him. All right. So now we're going to cut to earlier that day where lead singer, does anyone know lead singer of news boys name? No, absolutely not. What's okay? Yeah, fair. He was literally in the, in the IMDB as, I think it was like, pastor or something. Great. Yeah, this is 1996. So this is, I actually, I'm so sad that I know this. Michael Tate, I believe is the name of the actual

Leadsinger now. Oh God, really? Oh yeah, no, no, no. The Leadsinger now is the one that they stole from DC Toll. That's correct. Yeah, exactly. Which we'll get into.

I'm sure on God awful music at some point. You big skillet fan too, Anna? Uh, no. You big skillet fan. No, not a big skillet fan. Just know about Christian music because of this fucking show. What has my life become? Okay.

Who? Either way, he's going to go visit his uncle Luigi who is dying very humorously. Yeah. Okay. Uncle Luigi is doing a Brando impression for his last words here. Um, I'm pretty sure that's a job of the hut. Yeah, I would say Brando in Star Wars as job of dying. You know what? Let's just say pizza the hut. I think we can all agree that job of the hut was based on the end of braille. This family is made up of every pop scare from a Stephen King novel.

Yep. Yeah. I'm surprised there wasn't a truck sadly room rooming in the corner. Yeah, there's literally clowns all over the place because it's circus. Luigi has circus. Yeah, and there's the two girls dressed at the same thing. But the point of this scene, and I don't know why they chose to do this through a translator, but Uncle Luigi is asking him on his deathbed to come to one last performance at the circus so that he's not in debt because if he, if he doesn't make enough money

before he dies, he won't get into heaven. Is that what they're going for? I mean, that sounds pretty Christian. I couldn't tell. That's what I got. There's just a couple moments in this scene that we need to cover. It's hell. First of all, the scene like the rest of the movie is genuinely hell.

It's like a crazy person got to put on a haunted house, right? Like you just walk into a room and they're like, all the whoppers are nailed to the wall. And you're like, that's scary that you have a nail gun. That's what this movie is like. There were Disney balloons, Disney party balloons in the background. At one point, the nurse at this hospital gives him medicine in a big spoon,

which is a terrifying insight into what the new space could health care is like in a hospital. This guy's dying of clearly like lung cancer. So I don't think any lung cancer medicine comes in a giant spoon. I don't think any lung cancer medicine comes in a giant spoon. I don't think they have that. He asks for that kid to do funny faces for him like a baby. Yeah. Just to make him laugh. Also, like, so he says, pay off my debts by doing the circus. One last time, yep.. Yep famous newsboy Christian star

You need to get enough money. So go do the circus don't use your newsboy money I think on Guluigi knows enough to know that the the newsboy money is not gonna cover anybody's debts Unless there's a lady who's like come up short at one of those quarter candy machines. I don't man You know what it's always like, we should switch sides. Sure. We should switch sides to races. I did. The one thing I loved about the scene though is Uncle Luigi is like roasting this

newsboy. The old guy does as his dying words. He's like, you're fucking disgrace. Your music, your music, it's bad. It's bad music. I don't like your me and you, are you wearing a gold suit? You look like a goddamn figure skater. I don't know what's bad. It's bad music. I don't like your me and you are you wearing a gold suit? You look like a goddamn figure skater I don't know what's happening. He says you look like like nobody in this family of literal clowns has any Stones to throw at newsboy fashion here. Yeah, or figure skating fashion

They have some pretty good stuff in the skater camp figure skaters. Yeah. Yeah, but my favorite part of the scene is at the very end He's like, please please say yes and the news boys like That's a Give a few more seconds probably He's dead that's a no I said no again Flesh cuts over to heat like taking notes for how to not be in a relationship from the corner Thank you. I love spending time with your death, Beth.

Uncle Luigi. I would love to not, A. Burlees. You do a double negative. I'm dying, but I can hear you. And that's the end of the flashback. So now we're cutting to the news boys doing their nightly host show, Toothpushing routine. Yeah. They're in a public bathroom, exactly.

And like what this movie has for us is secret deodorant jokes. In case you want to know the level to which we've sunk to, one guy walks over and he says, what's the name of that deodorant? And the other guy goes, secret. And the guy goes, come on, please tell me. And then they just sort of pause as they realize that they're 50th birthday. It's days away. I didn't even notice that pun.

Yeah, he says, I stole this from my wife, which is really fucking bleak that they are. They have families and they're quitting. They have families at home and they're using their only vacation days to go join the fucking circus. Yeah. Yeah. That is the point of this scene is that main lead news boy gathers them around. Oh, there's a little bit about how the bassists keep quitting and then killing themselves, I assume. And okay, he gathers them around. And they all immediately sit on the public bathroom floor, like right away. This was revolting.

Now gather round, children. We're gonna learn something about God by giving up our only wake of vacation for a bunch of unpaid work we aren't qualified for. Sounds right? Cool magical realism. Yeah. Slippery and sticky at the same time.

Sorry. Well, it's okay. So yeah, he convinces that band they are now going to go join the circus. Yeah. And there's the moment of magical realism here, but for gaslighting. Oh, God. Oh, God. This wasn't insane.

Thank you, Anna. Oh, shit. The sucked. business saying thank you in them. Oh shit. The suck so this sucked so much ass. I literally deleted it from my brain. Okay. So he's like we're gonna need hard work, fervent prayer and false advertising and they're like, false advertising. That bad, bad, bad. And he's like, I didn't say that. And then he pulls out his remote like Zach from fucking saved by the bell. And rewinds the movie. Rewinds the movie.

And then he says fall advertising. Okay, that's what actually happened. What is fall advertising? Nothing, it's nothing. I don't know. I don't know. The seasons are different down there. Okay, what would false advertising even mean there

of what he said was false advertising? No idea. No idea. Just did it to Gaslight. They just saw on MTV someone do the thing where they rewind a thing and they were like, that's what the kids like. We're gonna work that into a movie.

Okay. In the movie, in the canon of the movie, in that universe, was he gaslighting and lying, or can he actually time travel? Well, it comes back, Heath. So I didn't watch the rest of the movie. I watched it at 1.5 speed. It's a lot more fun at 1.5 speed.

Y'all are just weak. So now it's time for them to meet the circus. So he basically is like, hey, everybody, now that we're here at the circus, we're here to do a little interpretive dance about how bagels are made. Oh god, I got about that. And they do more puns. I hated so much. It's like an opening I would write for me in Heath to a sketch that I eventually cut. It's like, no, don't, don't make that way. Bagels have baked and don't that's a flouted in oil. No, I think bagels are actually made in oil.

And I'm just like, oh my god. It's like when you're on a subway and the crowd is really tight and you get pushed up against someone's boring conversation. And you want to turn to them and be like, hey, I know you're talking it, but like I'm in it now. I can hear your shitty conversation about your furniture and if you don't stop, I'll kill us all. Bagels are actually boiled and that bagels are boiled and then baked. It's both. Oh, my God, it's both. What is wrong with you? Yeah. It's like they saw help or a hard day

is night one of those good band movies, you know? And they were like, Oh, we're going to go for some Richard Lester's zaniness and just like random. Whoa, when they didn't realize that's not what people came for. They came for the fucking chemistry of the Beatles. Like, I don't know who any one newsboy is named. I don't know what any of them are called, what they play. I know that one of them bounces around like a fucking maniac and holds his mic out at Norm's like, but that's like it. They have a drummer. This is all I know that one of them bounces around like a fucking maniac and holds his mic out at an arm's lake, but that's like it. They have a drummer. This is all I know.

They have a drummer and a bongo's guy separately. Nope. Obviously. And the noise of bongo's never enters the track, but there's a guy who is like, I have bongo's, why you have to let me use that. Guaranteed, he is one of the divorce stats, divorce brothers divorced brothers and he was like our band on the second day And they haven't had the heart to break it to them. I've got the kids. I got bongo some fucking use You think any of these youth leaders are open to fucking know okay, it's fine

I'll be on the bus no shit on the bus, but crying is allowed am I right? You guys have to tell me. I'm about your ankle stick. So yeah, but hey, they can't just be dumb. They also have to be unlikable. So he's also going to introduce himself to the clowns by leading them all in prayer, which the clowns all react to the same way we do. I was just proud of the clown. These clowns are like, fuck your face.

Fuck any of us that aren't Christian. Does the movie think clowns are just people who always dress like that? Yes, it does. That's what they believe is the real. 100% yes. Yeah, this is also where we meet the twins. They will not matter, but when they were making this movie, someone who knew the news boys said they knew twins, they forgot that identical twins is not the same as conjoined twins. So when these identical twins showed up, everyone was very confused that they weren't connected at the end. And they didn't talk at the same time. And they didn't talk at the same time.

I thought you guys talked like couples answering machines, isn't that what, isn't that like biologically true about They talk every other sentence in a half at the same time, but then they overlap for like half a cent Yeah, yeah, like two words and then they do it so badly. It's honestly like a really bad improv troop. Yeah They were definitely sure that this was something that identical twins could just naturally do like being double-join it this was something that identical twins could just naturally do like being double join it. Okay, but there was this this movie counts. For God awful movies, there was an accidental really good atheist argument moment in this scene. I mean, I'm just ready to hear.

So there's the clown that his name's what, Sackie or something and sack. And he's like, my partner clown is hack, and I'm sack, hack and sack. And I was like, I will kill everybody. I will kill a fucking music right now for sounding similar. I will kill a child. They keep doing puns like that. I was furious, but then something fun happened.

The clown gets up and he's like, you fuck, you're super prayer. But now that we're doing that, if you're praying, I want you to pray for this lotto ticket to win. And I was like, oh, yep, it's actually a really good response to the Colombo Cosmological argument right there. That's what you say back, there you go.

Pray for this lotto ticket to win. And we should point out that SAC, by the way, who I just want to throw this out there, introduces himself first. Like he's like, hello everyone, my name is name is sack the clown. And I was like, oh, do not let sack the clown be alone with you. And then he's like, this is my partner, hack. But like, there's definitely a good 30 seconds of your name is balls hanging in the air before he reveals that pun. But we learned that sack is the villain. And he's blackmailing the young

guy with the parents from earlier. Wait, yeah. Oh, hack. Hack is because the little one is sacked. Hack is. This is very important, which one it is for the plot. It's so important. Which one is there? They're both Tony D.

I'm so confused if we don't settle this. And we will, what's that podcast that was a couple and they broke up on it? No, this is us, man. Whatever that is. This is all this is our own with Ross and Kerry. And the thing later. And then sack is the tiny one. Hack is my best, my best best. Yes, hack is the angry clown coach. Zach is the guy who stands up and does the eighth of his argument here. Yes.

Okay, I thought he was also the one that gave Blondie the nobody's going to understand this movie. If we don't get this track, he's fucking sack. He's not sack. He's hack. My dark is the one. My darling. I will be right now. My beautiful bride. Okay. Woman of my dreams. The bad guy is sack the clown. The bad guy. He status hacked the clown. That's correct. This is how John Malania and Olivia Munn broke up. So I thought that I thought that hack. I agree that hack is his Tony D who teaches this clown class. Okay. I thought that hack was the one that made the blondie go. No, okay. All right, cool. Morgan, I want you to keep all of this. I want you to keep all of this in the episode. Okay. All right. I'm hurt. All right. I am hurt.

All right. I am. I guess Noah. I have to be wrong. Can you please introduce the second interstitial? And continue this. We're not going to talk about Australian James Bond. I'm not talking about Australian James Bond. Oh God, yes. Yes. So the organ player, when this twin stand up, he gets a big boner. And he, their names, one of their names is, Sorry. It was their interaction in this moment.

Yeah, because they stand up and he does like a warm, warm, warm, warm, warm, warm. That was an implied erection in the moment. Yeah. Oh, he plays the sound effect of an erection on the organ. Is that what you got from that? No, it just gets like a slow motion glossy camera. Yeah. And that's, I'm confused.

Anyway, so one of his woods is called Carly and the other one's called Darling and he's like, hi, Darling. And she's like, would, did you just fucking call me Darling? And he's like, oh, no, I wouldn't do that. And then she sits down and says, I like his accent. He sounds like James Bond. I just want it. I just want it.

Australian James Bond. Vard Kamortini, I cannot start. I love it. I have the worst Australian accent in the world. I want Paul Hogan as the next bond. Yeah. Yeah. Chairspins around. There's just a man to raise the villain of the next year.

Keep it. Keep it. Ray comfort is bond even better. I know that's not a story. Give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give that's what's impossible. Give it. Give it. Give it. Give it. Give it. give give it a give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give

give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give give The Phil Joel, he's the guy whose parents were at the beginning. He's a newsboy.

He's at the circus. He's like new guy at the circus. He goes over the donuts on the table during this little meeting and he picks up a cart in the milk and he looks at the side and it's got a picture of somebody who's, you know, kid now. It's him. It's him. He referenced it earlier.

He was like, he need an updated picture. Mother picture of me for the milk carton because nobody understands me with them. Is he kidnapped by the circus? No, he ran away. He ran away. His parents put him on the milk carton. That's also can I say this spread for breakfast? This is exactly what I envisioned for a band that wrote don't serve breakfast in hell. Yeah. Very carb heavy, not a lot of schmier. Yeah. No schmier, like no schmier, not fruit. Very good.

Just plain bagel. Just baked and not boiled first ridiculous. Yeah. This has wedding brunch written all over. Just circle bread. Fuck you. Yeah. All right.

I think that. I think we could close out that scene. Before we find out about that kidnap situation, whether he has a twin brother, you're saying it was him who's kidnapped. Yes, it was him. Okay, well, he wasn't kidnapped. He was written. Well, before we find out about the kidnap twin brother, it has no out of the section

of the pot. They are never going to address this again. I thought it was maybe he had a twin brother. I thought the clown mentioned maybe it was just, whatever, they don't come back to this. He's kidnapped, I don't know. It's time for a quick break. And then we'll be back with more news boys

down under the big top. Boo. Hi, I'm Anna Bosnick. As someone who lives with Eli, forgotten subscriptions can be a major problem. I have no idea what she's talking about. Whether it's a vegan snack box, a magic website subscription he never uses, a vegan snack box, a streaming surface.

He doesn't even remember that we have anymore or yet another vegan snack box. Forgotten subscriptions can add up and be a major pain to cancel. Oh, so many gray box buttons. That's why there's True Bill. What's True Bill? Seriously, I just got on the board. I'm behind. Like, I'm behind Carl.

Stay in your lane. Stay in your lane. True Bill is the new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions that you don't need, want, or simply forgot about. And it'll save me money? Oh, it sure will. On average,

people save up to $720 a year through Trueville. I love that it lets me know when I've got a large transaction and suggests a budget if I want to make one. Don't fall for subscription scams. Start canceling today at trueville.com slash awful movies. Go right now. Trueville.com slash awful movies. It could save you thousands a year. Okay, but I'm keeping Hulu. Name one show that you watch on Hulu. Hats. Okay.

All right, newsboys. Gather ring. No, I get weekends and holidays. We've talked about this, Susan. We talked about this. Mark, meeting? Yeah, sorry, sorry. I'm going to call you back.

This is not over. So as you know, the time has come for a newsboys movie. We want it to be fun and really show off our music. So, you know, what do people say about our music here at the newsboys? Em, they mostly laugh at us. Yeah, and that record producer called us ASS Clowns. ASS. Yeah, he did.

And that record label called us SHRT. Yeah, wait a second, guys. Laughter, clowns. And do you do? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We should just give up custody entirely. I should just do that. Mark the circus. Our music video is about us saving the sick. I love it.

Right. There should be assholes like their mom anyway, whatever. Mark, sorry, sorry, ASS holes. And we're back. And we open up on the blonde guy Phil Joel. And he's apparently just hanging out in a field next to a barrel. Daydream and about forlading something like you do. Yeah, definitely practicing a beach face.

Right. Definitely practicing a beach face. I think they tie this in later. I have a theory about this. Oh, okay. Yeah, interesting. Okay. Am I me near the end?

I am. I think I know what you're hinting at. Yes, I don't. I don't. Okay, maybe. I think it's okay. So now we have to talk about the carful of little people. I guess we do.

These are the little people's performers union indeed. Yeah, and they are here to threaten him because sack his boss. sack. Not a boss. His boss. Phil Joel's boss is sack. sack. Right. And he sent Phil Joel to meet with the union, the little people performance union. You're right, because he's the short guy. He's pretending. He's pretending to be a little person. He's just a short guy. He's just a short guy.

Yeah. And that's what this scene is about. Yes. My notes for this scene are, hey guys, I'm pretty sure this movie is hell. Yeah, you say that a bunch. Yeah. Yeah. So they do a sort of like, it's a gun. Oh, it's a lighter. It's a gun. Oh, it's a business card. So check off's gun that never. Okay, but it though, I think it does fire. You know what? Yeah. Yeah. Checkoffs check offs gun shaped lighter. They set up a lot of great little check off things in the scene now that I think about it. Yeah.

I've often said that the news boys under the big top is the check-off. It's really the check-off they can do. Yeah. Okay, so here's what's happening in the plot. They're meeting with Phil Joel, the little people performance union, because they're mad that the circus is hiring scab little people performance union because they're mad that the circus is hiring Scab little people instead of the union workers, right? Yeah. Well, not just Scab little people sack who is not a little person. He's just a short guy. Yeah, at first I was like, this is so dumb Why wouldn't they just take it up with a circus? Not the performers like that doesn't make sense And then I saw the act later on in this thing and I was like, yeah, that's fucking really offensive So I'm on board now. Yeah. There's a lot of pro little

people in this movie. Yeah. But then also they make fun of them in the farm. They do. It's gross. Most really positive. This is all horrible gross negative. Well, because the actual little people in this scene are very kindly. Well, they say the lines were little people. We don't hurt anybody. That's okay. Want to give credit where this movie's due? He goes, you want to know something between a little person and a short guy, show him toady, and then one of the little people comes over and sort of gently kicks him in the

shin. And their newsboy is like, oh, that didn't hurt and he goes, yeah, because little people don't hurt anyone. I'm offended by that. I think little people can hurt you if they want. I don't undress. I'm offended by that. I think little people can hurt you if they're not. I don't understate. I first of all, I have been around listening. I've watched Lucinda hurt people.

I was more angry about the anti-union message than anything else, but yes, also this was horribly offensive. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is, yeah. Higher unions for your circus. Don't be an asshole, whatever.

Yeah. So now the movie's going to be broken up into days, you know, how halfway through it's always a good idea to start introducing a day-based time element. Yeah. Sure. So now it's Monday. The circus is going to be on Saturday. So on Monday, they take clowning class. This is the first day of clowning class. Yeah. And they're practicing getting hit in the head. Oh my God. Yeah. And I'm just going to say lining up the news, boys, one so that they can be taken out looney to in style. That's a pretty, that's a pretty fun afternoon for me. I was enjoying watching that.

This is fantastic. I would pay a really embarrassing amount of money to punch this cast one at a time. Because they're just getting it pied in the face and punched in the face and hit with like a big funny mallet. I would pay so much money for this. That's our million dollar idea. Oh, absolutely. Bloody slameo. I love it.

Yeah. And as a weak college student, I actually took a circus kill class. It was a required thing in my acting career. So gave me a lot of lots of flashbacks. It wasn't unsimilar. I'm just saying it wasn't untrue to reality. Yeah, this is where we're going to get Heath's best worse where the circus director, Hack is like yelling at them because they're not clowning in the right way.

He like yells at them about how're not clowning in the right way. He like yells at them about how to pie themselves in the face. And I thought this was great actually. They do the pie in the face thing. The guy gets pie in the face and then, you know, he licks the cream and my dad, the clown coach runs in and he's like, typical mistake in pie work. You wait a full one Mississippi, then you lick. Obviously, that's the timing. And it's actually a really good tip because they show it. And he's like, okay, one Mississippi lick.

And it was so much funny. They was so much funnier. It is funnier. I really wanted them to continue with the whiplash though. Like he brings in a tape and he's like, this is a student of mine, passed away today. He could slip and fall in a banana, like nobody at the end, the blonde kids just like pide himself in the face. It's super fast.

I turn over and over. Just him and hack making a hard eye contact on stage. One, Mississippi. No, you're not with me. You're not with me. One, Mississippi. It's just one. See, that would actually, that would actually get on. I thought he was so pleased. One place might not have a great message as a movie. I just realized that the moral of that movie is like it's worth it. I thought, is that not correct?

Cause he's a better drummer at the end. Woo. Yeah, at what cost though? My therapist at any cost, Anna, any cost. Any cost. Do you want to be a drummer? Do you want to be happy? Do you want to win or do you want to be happy? I'm no longer surprised that you have that reference

That you have that idea of with blood you're out voted two to one Yeah, who's right? So this is also and I can't believe I have to say this This is also where we introduced the plot element that hack who is the clown teacher, the whiplash clown teacher. His dream is to be on America's funniest home videos, but he refuses to stage it. So this is going to matter because it's how they'll wrap up the entire plot of the movie. He's a very compelling character. He's a purist of the clown art form. He's not going to set up some hacky bit. He's going gonna have it happen organically. All right, despite his name.

Exactly. All right. But then an amazing thing happens organically, but the camera was off. No, she looks. His pants get pulled down and the pie flies up in the air and he looks up at it lands right on his face and sticks and he waits one Mississippi and he looks, it was I actually laughed out loud at this little clown bit and then they didn't get it because the camera was off. Go see some Cirque du Soleil. Not enough French.

Alright, so this movie is really fucking weird. I don't know what's happening. It's really weird. It's so bad. He's loved it apparently. He laughed at it. He really spoke to Heath in a lot of ways. I really, I really enjoy this character. He's basically Pollyache. I mean, like this could be an opera. He's Tony D. Yeah. So now

we cut over to them rehearsing for the circus with a commercial director with a commercial director. Yeah. This guy looks like a Paul Lind impersonator at a high school like talent show. Yeah, I got, I had Leslie Jordan trying to appeal to teens vibes. Right. And he's always trying to feel out a key party is what it feels like. At any moment, he's always like leaning in and weird angles. Just shaking a fish bowl at people. What are you doing with the ball? Oh, salad. I don't know. Always initiating a shoulder massage without asking. Yeah. What's there, a gun? He's supposed to be giving the like, this is how you reach to the people thing, but he's just accidentally doing like the Christian rock manifesto, which is like, look,

our thing fucking sucks, but we have to appeal to teens, right? Kids are gonna show up. They like and make a Christian. Right. Yeah, this was bullshit. This was like the movie trying to like wink at winking at winking at winking at itself. That's nothing.

You can't, no, no, no, you're not tricking at you are bad at relating to kids. Oh no, the movie wasn't trying to do that. They don't know. They think they're a legit alternative rock band. Oh, do they think they're like edgy? They think this, they think that this movie is basically spinal tap. People are going to be so into it. What this movie needed is bear naked ladies to like bust onto the set and beat the shit out of them. I do believe this is completely unscripted. I'll believe that about this moment for sure.

For sure. And he does this. So they're like, we need someone to play. You know that, you know that one instrument in the band, you know, that's like a guitar, but with four fat strings and it's really low and it isn't a guitar at all. And it's actually tuned in four saw the way and it's like played by the band all the best. Exactly.

Yeah. So the they're like, who plays the bass and blonde guys like I do and they're like, you play the bass. He's like, well, but he does. He plays the stand up mop. Okay. So they don't say it because they're like waiting to like for a big reveal and he says says well, I have to see what the janitor's doing. I was like, oh fuck He's gonna play the wash the base. Yep. He's gonna play the wash the base and I fucking called it and he does

Oh, well, that's a joke. Well, is it a joke in the movie? Is this a comedy? You know what? We'll we'll find out in the next scene We're gonna find out if it's a comedy No, no, it's not a comedy. So now we're going to cut over to Tommy Sins. This is their black friend. This is their, they literally just have this interview. They do like another Harry Met Sally interview just so Tommy Sims can be like, yep, I am a black person.

And they know, so I was like, they got the one black guy in a rock band or Christian rock band to be their world renowned bass player. But then I was like, it was kind of on me because I looked up his like Wikipedia and apparently he was awesome studio musician, toured with Bruce Springsteen. Really? Co-wrote a bunch of like really cool songs, including Change the World with Eric Clapton, which I don't think is that cool, but they want to Grammy. So like, I don't know. Yeah, he wrote for Destiny's Child of Shit. I guarantee he's the coolest person in this cast.

Oh, he definitely is. They got Tommy Sims way late when they started the band, not Tommy Sims. Oh, really? I thought he, oh, okay. In fact, I looked up Whiteheart because I was like, oh, who's Tommy Sims? And I found he was in Christian band Whiteheart. So I looked up white heart because I was like, oh who's Tommy Sims? And I found he was in Christian band white hearts looked up white heart And I I found a picture of them when they started in the 80s. Oh my god Tim Tim you have to take this and you have to put this on the face

Is this like a tag yourselves or not? It looks like a counting crows Turns into scaring It looks like mr. Bigg turns into scaring things. It looks like Mr. Bigs mugshot after a sex crime. I want to be the guy on the right with a side bang. I love that guy. So I've got that picture and puffed sleeves. He's got puffed sleeves. He's got legit puffed sleeves. That's a silk shirt, by the way. Absolutely. I've owned several of those in middle school. I need pictures of that too. And so yeah, I found that picture of them. And I also found a picture of them now. So I

put them next to each other. It's a, I gotta still look like divorced dad. How it started, how it's going. And it's rough. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's different. This is definitely my plans for 2021, the Delta variant being waiting to happen. This is plus Michael Sins. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's Michael Sins? Who in the after picture, I should point out, looks defeated.

Like he, like he lost the contest. And now he has to be like he lost the contest. And he has to be in the picture with them. Like he just lost rock paper scissors and he was like, fuck. I mean, stupid photo. This is what fits clothing is for. What is it? What's it called? It's clothing.

This is the sport of business of Christian rock. Cutscloaning, the official shirt of white heart. White heart. The divorce dad leather jacket. I actually have one of those. The official shirt of getting back out there. the divorce dad leather jacket. I actually have the official of getting back out there. So you can yeah, he's gonna play the wash tub base. You can play some a pretty dope walking baseline on

a wash tub base. Like there are some yeah, you look up some YouTube videos, you can play some pretty cool stuff on what you can things. What, you cannot do any, it will not sound like electric guitars. Like, it just, it just won't sound. It can't be electric. You can't put a pickup on that. Yeah. So they made Tommy Sims be like, yeah, it's a really fucking great bass player. He's talking about a wash tub bass player.

So now it is Tuesday. Yeah. Good. The time dimension was confusing to me until I had the title card here. Oh, thank God. And this is where it's going to be the puttin' up posters montage. Putting up poster, montage.

Putting up poster. And he puts up a poster, but then a fat guy, he puts up a poster about losing weight. And then he puts up his poster on top of the fat guy. He's post-order and a fat guy is post-order. And the and the fact I is like, uh, and then they sing their song. Right. And that's not funny enough. So then they did it a third time.

And then I think they nailed the really offensive fat joke on the three beat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. The three beat also the fucking pole is empty. It's empty. There's a whole other side. It could be he could move his poster slightly to the top or at the bottom. Or I could walk onto the screen and punch him in the face or hit him with a large hammer. There's a lot of things that could have happened.

Honestly, if this comedy bit had continued like two or three more times and I had looked over and there was a demon who was like, do you get it now? I would have been like, Ryan, I'd died and I'm in hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fat guy has a shirt that says, if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. And I just honestly, I thought that was more intriguing than the concept of telephone polar real estate. So.

Yeah. But the important part of this scene is that we learned that Joe Bob, what's his name he has two first names? Phil Joel. Phil Joel. I call him Blondie. Sure. Blondie, Phil, Joel is having a spiritual crisis with him up with him up and the leader of the band gives him the Bible.

A Gideon's guide is what he calls it. Gideon's guide. Yeah. I was, all right. So during this, this song that they're playing, we finally get to see the wash tub base in action. And obviously it is not, does not sound like a wash tub base. It can, you can do not, you cannot do with a wash tub base. What this can do.

I'm like, and it's the, I'm sorry. Stay in the state notes. You can't play anything. You can't retire some more than one string. You can't move around while playing because your foot has to stay on it. Like, wait, you have to use your foot. Yeah, you have to keep your foot to put the like to, to on the wash. Don't act it out. We're in a sound studio. We are in a. My wife's just kicking all of the plugs out of the wall. I have overturned the table. So there's a bucket on the floor. You have the mop up here and you're not supposed to keep the head of the mop on it. Otherwise it fucks up the sound, but they keep the head of the lot. So it looks like he's jerking off him up at the entire

fucking time. And then, of course, after I write that he's jerking off him up at, he is, the mop is actually in the Boudoir scene that is in silhouette. And it gets pretty romantic. It gets very romantic. He gets very romantic. You get a little shot of him. He gets very, very close with this mop. Yeah. Also, just needs to be noted that this song that's in the background here, which is the point of this montage, the song is Breathe on Me. Breathe on me.

Breathe a breath of God. Oh, okay. God. I just heard Breathe on me. Breathe on me. Breathe on me is the title of this mop. God. I just heard Breathe on me, Breathe on me. Breathe on me is the title of this song. Yep. I can't, I'm trying to think of a title that's more objectionable

than Breathe on me. Yep. Yeah. Wow. That screaming cowboy guy from the citation he needed episode. We did on terrible songs. He watched this and he was like, that's sucked. You guys suck. Can I give you guys a note?

Massage my shoulders when I don't want you to the song. Yeah, get a Theragun. Okay, I think we're gonna call that the end of act two. God knows I have no idea what's happening. We're taking a fucking break. There's acts. Yeah, maybe there's that. I don't know. Let me give act three, the hard sell. Mm. What? Okay. I'm not the answer to that question and less

when we return for the rest of whatever the fuck this is. Okay, what's the next final ad for this week? Mint bubble. Oh nice. You know, I actually switched to them when for this week? Uh, Mint Bumble. Oh, nice. You know, I actually switched to them when they became an advertiser, Anna. Do you want to do a third? No, no, no, Anna and you got to do a, you did couple stuff for the last two ads. I want to do one.

I want to be in this one. I mean, you and Anna were in the third ad. No, no, it was still about you though. Anna and I have a friendship. I want to do one about our friendship. Okay, okay, I got something. Thank you. Great.

You too. Fine, fine, be my guest to the Midmobile ad. Hi podcast listener. I'm Anna Bosnick here to tell you about Midmobile. The reason that Heath and Wright can totally text you back. Okay, really? Midmobile offers premium wireless service starting at just 1515 a month.

Mint Mobile Secret is that they're the first companies to sell wireless service online only. By cutting retail stores, there's no crazy overhead costs that get passed down to you through some mystery fee. Instead, Mint just passes on sweet savings direct to you, which means Heath has both time and money to have that long, long phone conversation. Okay. I have lots of extra tasks.

No, he does. I literally watch the guy do his job every week. People have different bases for their work. I write that deliberately. Use your own phone with any meant mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts. Hey, if you've got Heath in your contacts, why not call him today to talk about your feelings, maybe let him know about your work drama. Why are you doing this? Really? Why?

To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to MintMobile.com slashgam. That's MintMobile.com slashgam. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month with MintMobile.com slashgam. Okay, Scotch! We could have done a Scotch commercial. We both like Scotch. Yeah, we could have. MintMobile. Heath can totally text you back. Traitor. Your traitor. All right, everybody, settle down. I'm Tony D. I'm the head of this school for Christian Rock. Everybody, please take your seats so we can get started.

Uh, can I sit backwards in my chair, you know, so we can wrap? Yes, for the last time you can all sit on your chair's backwards. Oh, nice. Nice. Now, last week, we covered Love Song song but Jesus. Y'all did really well with the exception of Kyle who wrote, I want to marry you. The instructions were confusing. It was very confusing. So, so this week we're going to cover what do the kids like? Did you all do your homework? You mean write down what our stepkids yelled at us through our bedroom doors. Exactly. So what do you got?

What are the kids into these things? Okay. Let's see here. Hating me. I'm not there real dad. Sure. Sure. And Minecraft.

Minecraft. All right. What can we do with Minecraft? Who's got a Minecraft agent? Ah. Okay. How about you build me up to heaven? Like, yep.

Build. Mine's great. Absolutely. Nothing. build me up to heaven. Like, yep, build my great build. Absolutely. Nothing. Row blocks my love for the Lord. You know, that's a classic fun. That is the long game, but that's close enough. Okay. All right. Why don't we take a break? Everyone can itch under your ankle bracelets, and then we'll cover how to look like you're playing the guitar or at least an instrument after lunch.

Fantastic. Love it. So itchy. So itchy. Debora, you're sick when you're done. And we're back. And now it's Friday. So cool. Now we know when when it is during the week. And it's yeah, it's officially been far too long since they showed us an animal in a hat. Yeah, so they're gonna do that also wears this fucking elephant that they keep referencing they're like, oh, who's gonna like shovel the elephant poop and we never fucking see an elephant we've seen a dog we have seen a dog in a clown hat who is perfect but I want to see an elephant. Yeah, I don't do they ever show the elephant. No, they never fucking show the, they show us swordfish crowdsurfing in the beginning. And in fact, in this scene, they admit they don't have an elephant, which brings up the terrifying question of where

they're getting all the elephant shit. Who, who, what, what shit are they shoveling? You need elephant shit. I can get that for you. I got a guy. You don't, you don't have to have the elephant. But okay, point is, let me set the stage here. This is important to the plot. It's Friday and it's right before their big final night of the circus. And this is when the greatest character ever, the angry clown coach, he's having them all do a

visualization exercise to get ready for the big show. This is dark. Yeah. And again, they chose to do a movie about the circus, but in this scene we learn, they don't have any circus acts. They have clowns and the news boys. And the news boys.

So what we watch happen in this scene is person by person, he goes, all right, and what are you gonna do up there? And then what are the news boys? The night before. Yeah, and then one of the news boys goes up, you know, and what are you going to do up there? And then what are the news boys before? Yeah, and then one of the news boys goes up, you know, it does like a doodly do. And we see a news boy sort of standing in a circus-esque environment being like, I don't really have any talents, including me.

Also in their fantasy of their wildest dreams, what's going to happen there tonight? There's no fucking lighting. No, yeah, some, I don't know. What's happening? The circus is like running out of money, so like their electric bill is not paid, so they're doing the final night. It's so dark, this is what,

I mean, literally and figuratively, it's so dark with the circus going out of business and the news boys playing the final night. I would go to this because I would be weeping with laughter the whole time if this happened in reality and I got to go. At one point one of them goes up there and he's going to juggle free chain saws but he can't start the chain saws. Oh no.

And I just run my notes. Honestly, if I get to watch a news boy slice himself open with a chain saw, this movie is kind of worth it. Yeah, I was really go really, really hoping that P.H. They were like, he's P.H. row, the dangerous jugger, I thought he was going to be the swordfish from the beginning. Oh, that would have been great. I thought that would have been awesome. Yeah.

Okay. One other detail about the frame of this scene, angry clown coach, hack. He's got a board. So he's having him do the positive visualization and he's got a board. So he's having him do the positive visualization and he's got a board up at the front of the room where he's teaching him and it's got like one letter that he reveals and he's like, all right, well, here's the keys to a good circus.

First of all, you got to have and he pulls a little slap to the side and it shows the letter H and he's like, okay, what starts with H? What do you need? And turns out it's hard. It's hard. Yeah, you got to have. That's the first thing I have to have first. I think I'm the circus. Dan Yankees assholes. Yeah, we should also point out that this this anagram is so long. It's not an anagram. It's an acrostic to be clear. Acrostic, right? They're going to cross it. And it takes them 45 minutes to get through the full thing. It's an acrostic to be clear. Acrostic, right? They're gonna acrostic. And it takes them 45 minutes to get through the full thing. It's so long.

Honestly, I wasn't sure if they were gonna get through an actual acrostic, or if they just had this like, they don't, by the way. No, they do not. No, they don't, because they had to like cut stuff on the way. And he's not going in order of the letters from top to bottom. No, he's not going in order of the letters from top to bottom. No, he's not. But we learn that there's an H in the key to the circus heart. Yep.

There's also something that Ryan, he's like, okay, what else do you need? I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with employment. And they're Australian. So they say exoicements. Except he's not Australian. Yeah. That joke did get lost in translation.

Yes, it did. It's it's impressive when you can lose a joke in translation between English and fucking English. Yep. So why did they make this in America? Why did they have Americans in the first place? Like they are an Australian band. They're part American, but if you have an American person to deliver that line, there's

other things that rhyme better with, like indictment and excitement, right? Like, come on, really? Wow. And now it's time for the twins to do their show. Okay. If they're not going to show us a fucking elephant, at least they could show me the dog. This is where the dog is supposed to come into play. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

because the guy's like, you know what, fuck dogs. Let's find something way more interesting to do. Like, like what? Like a hamster. A hamster. I love this angry cloud so much at this moment though. They're like, we have a dog, I fuck you. Fuck your dog, okay. Oh, maybe what if we to fuck your face?

I hate you, it's the best. And a hamster. Yep, so they do a hamster act with a cannon? No nipples, no, it's what I said, don't hurt nipples. Yeah, they put a hamster in a ball that turns out to be a cannon ball and then they shoot a cannon ball through a hoop. they shoot the hamster through the hoop and the hamster's okay. Who? Okay. Who is this movie for? Who's watching this movie? Not for the audience. Great question. Seriously, was it?

It was like a TV movie? What channel was it on? Was it in Australia? Only? No, I don't know. I don't know. I think they literally thought that this was going to be huge because I think they made it other bands put it on one VHS tape. They uploaded that VHS tape in the worst possible way to YouTube. And now it's here to remind us where in hell that is the only answer I have for why this movie was made. answer I have for why this movie was made. All right. Well, now we get the only redeeming moment in this scene because we get. Really? Yes, I genuinely enjoyed this. We get to watch hack the angry fucking clown do his clown act, which is awful. He's bad. It's amazing. No, what? What? It's a lung cancer-based clown act. He's this was the worst part of the movie. A clown comes out with lung cancer and then they give him a spoon of medicine,

but it's poison and then he vomits into a bucket. That's the whole thing. I'm so worried about our friendship right now. There's a lot going on right now. Is he okay? Eli, look me in my heart. Is he okay right now? No. I can't look me in my heart. He's laughing at right now. Is he okay? He like, look me in my heart. Is he okay right now? No.

He's laughing at the, I am looking in my heart. I'm sure. There's a baby crying in the audience during this time and I was like, I get it baby, this is a bad movie. Yeah, come on, team baby. Yeah, not even the movie thought it was a good act, Heath. Angry clown in the chemo ward, making people laugh, classic. I don't, I don't get the chemo ward either.

Like what? Madagans. My goodness, he yells, it's little people at 1.2. He's like, look, it's funny because I'm little. So we cut away from that hilarious clowning act, which she's very much enjoyed. Oh my God. He's amazing.

You don't think this guy's like the highlight of the movie about your life than I am right now. He sad clown. It's the juxtaposition. All right. We need to I need to give Heath more poison and the sketches in between our yeah, more poison clown. You kill them off all the time.

Bomb it. I don't kill them enough. Obviously, apparently, not. Okay. So that is this is when Blondie runs in and explains that what their circus is missing is the Bible. Is a grand finale. Well, he says he's got a Bible.

He's like, I have found the answer in here. And it's my grand finale where I pretend to be a disco ball. I, no idea. Well, no, he's not, he says a mirror ball. Right. The human mirror ball. Literally what he's not, he says a mirror ball. Right. The human mirror ball. Literally what he says is I, I read the Bible. Well, not really.

I read about the, I read the cliffs notes and then I read the part that you said I should read. Right. And that's why I need to be a human. And that's why I need to be a disco ball. Yeah. And he's talking about the story of the prodigal son. I'm pretty sure. What? And no, this about the story of the prodigal son. I'm pretty sure what and and

no, this is not that. There's nothing like that. It's not and he doesn't go home. He's not greeted by his parents. Nothing. He didn't spend he didn't have an inheritance that he then spent while at the circus. Nothing like he's like, I found a part of the Bible that has parents in it. I'm a I'm a disco ball. That's, that is the order of things that happen. Again, my notes here are just, am I in hell? What is it like being in hell? I hate it here.

Yeah. Okay. And right as you were probably writing that down, sack, the other clown is taking bugs out of a jar and throwing him into a bug's apparatus. I didn't even catch that. I don't understand to kill bugs. Yeah.

He's a dark cloud because he poised, remember, he poisoned the other clown with the lung cancer. Yeah. We're just so close to his face as he like presses a bug into an electric charge for the audience. Where is this happening? Is this happening during the movie? It's happening in the universe of the movie. I know it's happening in the, but when in the universe?

Is it happening during the show? It's happening on Friday. It was the tire hard. So he hasn't even poisoned the fucking clown yet. No, he's just killing bugs. Just okay. Wow. So now it's Saturday and it's time for that blow job face from earlier in the movie to pay

off. That's the blow job face. Yeah. Here's the pay off. Okay. So he's human mirror ball. Phil Joel. So this is the big finale.

He comes out in front of the circus and he's wearing a disco ball kind of thing around his body. And then he puts his face toward the sky. And they lower down a rope with one of those like, you know, the mouth guard things that you bite and then like, Cirque du Soleil, you pick some up by their mouth. Oh, so you he was practicing his blow job face to put stuff in his mouth. Yes. He was practicing his hanging by his teeth skills. How well did that pin pop out just now, everybody?

Okay, wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. You have to practice putting something in your mouth. Yeah. If you want to hang from your teeth, you'd want to take it seriously. You want to do it on that?

I'd want an angry coach to show me how to do it. I'd use my hands. Well, that is not an ant, is it? Oh, I just fucking, I'm taking chair up there. Wait a second. You were saying the impressive part of this act is that he can put something in his mouth. He's hanging by his teeth.

Yeah, but you can put it in with your hand and then hang by it, the hanging part. No, the mouth practice was so that he can stay hanging by his teeth, not so that he could get it in his mouth in the first place. He was getting yoked on his jaw muscles. I'm sorry. You should be. I first second now, this.

How is opening your mouth as if to take a giant deep throat? I'm going to say this one last time and I swear to God, I'll end our marriage live on there. Our son will be fatherless. I will go live in the woods. He is not doing the blowjob for face thing to get it into his mouth. He's doing the blowjob face exercises to keep it in his mouth. Sure, the way you keep things in your mouth is opening your mouth as wide as you fucking can. Yes, you he's working the jaw muscles. And then but then closing it the right way and gripping it wasn't closing it when he was practicing because he was

opening and closing. He was jaw stretching. But he was stretching. Yes, it was yoga at first. I hate everything. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

I hate it. I hate it. Some day you and I will be dead. And our son is gonna be like, I wanna hear the episodes that we were on. And he's gonna listen to this. And he's gonna be like, past. So he's a disco ball.

He falls because the little people union. Yeah, the Chekhov's gun shaped cigarette lighter pays off. Yeah, the little people union, they go backstage to the guy who's holding him up and they take out their cigarette lighter and he thinks he's going to shoot him. So let's go. He falls and crashes. Yeah. Then we cut over to the writer of this movie, which just really let yourself internalize for a second that there was a writer for this movie that someone started writing

this movie, finished writing this movie, handed it to someone else and didn't immediately blow their brains out with a t-shirt. Yeah. Also like that they didn't know what to call the thing that he wrote and directed because they said this. Yeah, he pops up and it just says, Steve Taylor, writer, writer, director of this. That's it. Fun fact to steal one of your bits, he,

this director has directed seven films in total and he has appeared in five of them. Really? Five of them. Yeah, he's the Quentin Tarantino of the Christian New Big C. As himself. What? So just let that, let that seepin.

Let that see sit for you a second. He's a Tarantino Kevin Smith type. Sure. But we introduce him so that he can say, you know, they asked me, could we just introduce another music video because we were supposed to have another music video into this? And I was like, how lazy would that be? And then they introduce another music video. Because they're winking at winking at winking at winking.

Yeah, it was like when you get tired of writing sketches. Yep, fuck you, it's an even a number. We know it's bullshit. Right, so now we watch a music video about how all the people who believe in aliens are silly. Really? Because they should be aliens are silly. Really? Because they should be believing in God. Really, is that what that's about?

Yeah, okay, I thought, yes, I think that's what they're saying, which is insane. It's called take me to your leader. Because it's a stream of consciousness, lyrics, like the lyrics made no fucking sense. Okay, let's see if we can break this down a little bit. I actually wrote down the first verse and the first chorus. So you ready? Yes. I'm ready.

First verse, Isabelle is a belly dancer. Cool, aliens. Yeah, I get it. You're right. I was so off part with you guys. What I know, but let's learn about Isabelle. She's a belly dancer with a kleptomaniac restraint. So she...

What would that be? None. No. Not restrained. Okay, she's, she's an, uh, a free belly dancer. Yeah. Okay, moving on. She belly dances really well all the time.

She belly dances very freely and well. She doesn't restrain herself. And continuing the lyrics, tried stealing Helena's hand basket. The fuck is that? Helena hand stealing Helena's hand basket. The fuck is that? Helena hand basket. Helena hand basket. That's the mid-high.

Oh. Made a fast getaway after stealing the hand basket from somebody named Helena, but McQueen she ain't. Rhymes with restraint, nailed it. My queen she ain't. McQueen, McQueen, McQueen, McQueen, McQueen, bullet, like fast car going away, something like that. Okay. Good to do you one more time. Cool. This is so you're right. This is so about

alien. He's probably about why she's Christian. I'm the asshole now. The belly dancer steals the basket. Go go go. Jesus. At the courtroom, Joshua judges her ruthlessly on account of Ruth walking out on him. I have no idea what the characters are now. They're just naming Bible people that don't relate. I want to know about Isabelle the Belly dancer, but now we're on some new thing.

And last part is in the big house, Isabelle is a telling all to the chaplain who's become her friend, which didn't rhyme with anything I said so far. Nope. It didn't. Meanwhile, they are coming out of a spaceship. Yeah. They're dressed in space.

They're dressed in space here and come into an alien planet. And there's a sexy alien babe who does not plan to this because this is Christian. The boys and girls cannot be on the same planet. Right. And I just want to say this lead singer and his dance moves. I have mentioned him before. It's like David Byrne of the talking heads, you know, with the shoulder pads and the boob boob boob boob boob. But like he was trying to do the little lad with berries and cream dance. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. David Byrne doing the berries and cream dance is a great description of what we're watching right now. It is wild. I was going to describe it as imagine if I just tried to dance right now. Yeah. There you go. I'm doing it. Oh, you're hopping around and splashing a splash. I'm dancing. I'm dancing. I have it down. What if an anger management class tried to put on a preschool play? Oh, and then there's a spinny flower, which I got to be honest. I really do like that spinny flower. See, I want to have one myself.

There you go. Like, look fun. I probably put my dog in it. I have a photo shoot. Thresser like a bee. I'm sorry. If this song is about aliens, I want, do they know what that means for their book? They don't be okay.

Just really quick. The end of the chorus is like, just take me to your leader now, take me to your leader now. So like, it's supposed to be like, oh, how crazy would that be if you thought like aliens were in charge and there were leaders from not earth that you have to pay to. But the music, this is how dumb Christianity sounds to an atheist. This is a song about that accidentally. But the music videos, they come to a planet, they splash around in a mud puddle and then they put an earth flag and then leave. Like without even seeing the alien that's, okay, I give up.

It's like, you take me, you take me, I take you to my leader now, you're done. It's mine, mine is real, you're stupid. Okay, to be fair, if this music video had ended with God and an alien getting in a fist fight, I'm all the way. Absolutely. I'm back in. So with that music video over, he wakes up and they do the you were there, you were there, bit from Wizard of Oz. Yeah, and they're like, you're okay, you landed on sack. Ha ha, he's so much more injured than you. LOL, that's so funny. Ha ha ha. And they did. That's it. They injured than you, LOL. That's so funny. Ha ha ha. And they did. That's it.

They didn't make the money, but don't worry because just as they find out they didn't get the money, hack gets a call from America's wackiest home videos, they got to give him the money. Okay. I just want to say, so this debt in this movie, the big muguffin of this movie, the debt time at the plot here. Sure. It is too big to be paid off by a Christian rock band at the quote height of their career

according to the news. Boys themselves, but yeah, literally, but is big enough to be paid off by a circuit that literally only has clowns and no elephant. In one week of experience. That's correct, but not really just kidding, but is way less than the going rate for movies on America's funniest home videos. Yeah. They pay you a lot, I guess, because that's how they treat it.

It's like, all right, they want the tape at America's funniest home videos. We finally made it. So they had, they made enough money, but the real story is even sadder because the news boys ended up in a David A.R. White movie. But they sure did. They sure are after getting the new band member. Anyway. Anyway. Yeah.

So podcast listener, I'm about to say a sentence and you're going to be, oh, no, I wasn't paying attention. I was driving and I was doing a thing or a big Yeah, yeah, so no no no no no this sentence is the next thing that happens in the movie so get ready Now we cut over to Japan where grandma is done reading the story. That's real That's real it they are they're playing their song and then they don't even end the song They literally stop in the middle of it and the Lees singer looks at the screen and

Cut to Japan. Right where grandma has been reading this as a story to two children who she speaks to Exclusively in Japanese. Yes. What the fuck is happening right now? I don't know. They're doing a whole go into bed thing The music saying Mickey Rooney from breakfast at Tiffany's is going for a stroll in the background. But anus. A YouTube ad started during this part, and I watched like half of it before I realized it wasn't part of the movie.

This is like Italian television crazy. Yeah. Like no idea what it's Australian television crazy actually. My notes here are, hey guys, I think a new thing started. Do we have to review this? I don't think we have to review this. But it's just them, it's my best worst. It's just them jamming in one more newsboy song at the very end.

Okay, I have a theory. Really? This is the only way I can explain this Japanese grandma speaking in Japanese for the last three minutes of this thing for no reason. So I'm also going to explain mirror ball man human, all the same time. I am all you two. You're about to wrap this fucking up for us. Are you ready? I'm ready. My body's ready. So the song that they play here at the end the stupid fucking newsboy song has a video and In that video for no reason. I don't know how they came up with this video But in that video there's a disco ball in the middle of them singing their stupid song and

There's a Japanese lady in it So they wrote a movie around that and they were like, all right, it was a guy dresses up as some Mirror ball at a He's I said yes, I hold on. Let me get through it. I'm gonna wrap this up. Yeah, yeah, he's you fucking liar clown with hold on clown with cancer Dan with hold on clown with cancer. Dan, he's lady the end and that's what they did. I'm just reflect it. I mean, Nivell's the hamster did make an appearance. They just fit this thing to the weird video they had already made and it made no sense.

They just put stuff from it. I'm just reflecting on Noah receiving this edit. I'm very, very, very, very, now. It's Sunday night. Noah like pushes his cat off his lap and he's like, all right, I got the files for Morgan. Let's see how their podcast went while I was off this week. And we're just like, come with cancer. And the secret is that the Japanese lady also owns a hamster. Yes, it is though. They ate nibbles though. That's not okay. Nibbles are eaten by a Japanese lady in the app. That parts condola. You can't be mad at us because this is what happens in the

mood. Two things. Yes. A, no, it doesn't sound like that. That was ridiculous suppression. B, B, I think I analyzed this correctly. I'm quite certain that they just had that in their music video. And then they were like, were like Miracle clown cancer Japanese lady cut. I mean if we know anything about the stream of consciousness fucking lyrics that these guys do Like it's like Aphrodite at the asylum buyin lots of onions her like Pokemon best friends got to the cat monkey chicken fish frog like it's It's literally It's literally nonsense. Yeah, take me to your Jesus now. You know what? Yeah, I kind of agree with you

because if the song came first, and there was a hamster in the thing and a disco ball. Then it would have made too much sense. In that, yeah, no, no, no. No, because then that spoils it. Then it's like, oh, this movie fits together. This was ambiguous and mysterious. Yeah, and then They did a busby Berkeley dance. Yeah, I feel like pie stole a lot from Aaronovsky pie stole a lot from newsboys under the big Yeah, sure sure. Yeah, they're the checkoff and the Aaronovsky of Australian Christian TV movies

and the Aaron off ski of Australian Christian TV movies about checking off. Because we're a Christian band though, also they can't have sexy backup dancers in the back. Like it's shot like an in sync video. But like they can't have the like sexy ladies in the back. So they just have a bunch of randos do in the twist. Yep. They're just doing the twist like your dad would do it a wedding.

I could actually do this dance is actually what my note was here. I was like, oh, I could do this one. It's just twisty thing. It's the ab twister. And then it's the credits. And then it's the credits. Which are the breakfast song. There is apparently an after credits. There is a fucking after credit sequence and you guys did not fucking watch it. You guys didn't watch it. My notes say Eli, which is the placeholder we use in our case before we write things. He's no to say absolutely not an artist. So I, you're right listener. That's right listener. I have your back and I am going to actually report on this fucking after credit

sequence. No one has made it through this. Please tell me this. Please tell me they set up the sequel like they fucking do. They set up the sequel. Okay. Are you ready ready for this post credit sequence? Absolutely not. Go ahead though. He says missionaries, dear news, boys, this is a this is a letter to news boys, dear news boys, missionaries have disappeared in the village of Kung Pao racist sound. They go Kung Pao. What? Yeah, man, they're being held hostage by a tamaleon separatist movement. Come and save them. You're our only hope. What? Also send an autographed pick. And this is all said over the words that are at the end of the that have stopped at the end of the credits. Our audiences were the words say, you watch the movie. So read the book, Gideon guide Luke 15 11 to 24. Okay.

And then wait, I need to Google what Luke 15 11? I want to know what they are doing. Sure, sure, sure, sure. While you're doing that and then it cuts to the newsboys in that same fucking public restroom. And the lead singer is saying, oh, yeah, you know what, fellas, this is something I think we can do. And they're like, what? What do you mean? Like be newsboy and, this is something I think we can do. And they're like, what?

What do you mean like be newsboy? And they're like, no, we can go and help these people who are being held hostage by a Somali and Cypher's movement. What? And he says all we'll need is hard work, fervent prayer and rifles. And they're like, rifles, what are you talking about? And he said, I didn't say rifles. I said, Bible's. And then they're like, no, you didn't. And he's like, I'll prove it to you. And then he takes the remote out and turns off the movie.

And then he gets shot with a hail of arrows while he's trying to canoe up to an island. So there's a genocide joke. There's a genocide joke. Literally. By the way, Luke 1511, that's the prodigal son. That's the prodigal son. That's fucking gross. Nothing to do with this fucking. Nothing to do with this.

And it's completely unreliable. Yeah, so they make a massacring, a massacre joke. Yes, they make a massacre joke. And then instead of redoing it like they did in the movie, they just turn it off. They thought there was going to be a sequel. Wow. And they thought the sequel was going to be about the newsboys being like the heroes who

attack a village in Asia somewhere? Sure. If this movie was made based off of a song that they wrote, what song do you think they wrote about it to Molly? If you're aware of a genocide-positive news-boy song that we haven't heard of, please send it in. Well, I'm gonna search for that one. That needs to be a God-awful music.

Wow. Okay. That's why you don't want to- Now it's over. Now it's over. Now the movie's over. Okay. Well, after watching these Christian movies, you're on the podcast, I usually like to close it out with a question. So that's going to do it for a review of newsboard down under the big top. Well, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we found another terrible movie. So Eli, what's on deck? Well, Heath, I am actually genuinely happy to say I'm looking forward to the plot and sense that is the Christian movie movie

Lovely Something with a basketball team. I don't know. Yeah. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to ring episode 325 to immersive close. Huge thanks to Anna for joining us. Anna, where can everyone hear more of your stuff? You can follow my dog on Instagram.

Imagine a bug. I do already. Check. Or I do have an album. It's called The Ring. And it's on any of those streaming services, streaming platforms. I don't know what they call it. If someone craw and it's on any of those streaming services, streaming platforms. I don't know what they call it.

If someone crawls out of the screen, you've got the wrong ring. Yes, the wrong ring, correct. Fantastic. All right. And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And that'll get you early access to an ad free version of every episode.

And if you enjoyed this show, you should check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheists, Citation Needed, the Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus, available on all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godofflemoviesachemo.com, Legal Services for the podcast are provided by the offices of P. Andrew Torres. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Eagle Drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week.

For Anna and Eli, I'm Heath. Promise it'll work hard, turn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close. Breakfast Club Close. Breakfast Club Close. Who Mouths? Animal House Close. The dog with the little clown hat

was never convicted of plotting the assassination of Nibbles the hamster and went on to retire a millionaire. The Japanese lady from the end went on to, uh, no, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not, you do not get an unannounced post of me. Absolutely not. David A.R. White managed not to join the news boys in spite of also being a divorce dad. I feel like Eli hopped on the forum. Five. No, no, no, let's do it again.

Why don't you do it? I think you'll do it. I think you'll do it. I think you and I will do it better than both of us. Okay. All right. And a five count. Yeah.

But make sure the seconds are evenly spaced like it's a real five count. What? Yeah, you got to do a real five count based on five seconds. Four and five. It doesn't have to be five seconds. It's just a few years. Oh, I'm starting off. I was just going to go with whatever he did. Okay, cool.

I don't have any way of telling seconds. Yeah, just as long as you go on like on a consistent beat, it doesn't have to be the other day. All right. I'll conduct. You like no, no, no, absolutely not. I'm not looking at you. All right.

One, two, three, four, five. He was dropping syncopation bombs in the back. I'm like max over there. He was doing body rhythm. Body, body drumming. What's it called? I don't know. You touching, Nick, touching the nipples. Nick, Nick, that way.

I was touching my nipple. Give a dog a bow. Hold that. Nice. All right, so that was the beginning of the show, everybody. Welcome. No, please don't make that. I don't ask a lot out of you, but Morgan, keep all that. Definitely send us all that anyway. All right, here we go.

Mm-hmm. I don't need to tell you. I got there. I'm there first. This is funny. Oh, damn it. In a ticket there first. I got there first. I got their second.

I got there first. No, I got there for you. Literally just got there. Just got there. I was there so long. Third place bronze medal. Morgan sent us who got there first. Me.

I got the first cut that first. I got no. That's just for good history. All right. Yes. I was there for a screen. I have such a bad Australian accent. This is going to be great. Our our our we're gonna explore. Okay. Cool. Hey, hey, if that's your Australian accent, we can't do this sketch, man. Yeah, we can. You just got to have you do an Australian accent. You've heard an Australian person before, right? Yeah.

Oh, give it to Ghibit. That is for New Zealand. Oh, hey, my impersonation of Ray Comfort. That's New Zealand. That's raw. There you go. We're getting there. How come he had he got a regular accident?

I couldn't. He doesn't do accents. I don't do that one for sure. And some of them are married. I want to hear you try after my after this call and he does Sarah Huckabee Sanders And he does and Pharaoh voice Okay, all right I love that I need to do it

You haven't been reading English for that long. It's fine. Oh go fuck yourself Made English major from Anyway, you over here as reading major I'm going to mute my head, I'm going to take my headphones off for this one. I can't wait to be laughing at my ear. That was the issue, it was all that nothing. Could you not distract me with your echoey silence? when he's laughing at my ears. That was the issue. It was all that nothing. He's just doing... He could you not distract him with your echoey silence? I hate... I hate monocentances.

Okay. You want me to just sing some low-fi hip hop in the background? Yes. There's no need to sing. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is this low firebub?

Am I doing it? I think you know that you can't even do without the headphones on. All right. You guys on this game now that I'm here. Yeah, I know. I can hear it. I just get to stare. Yeah, he has rhythm all of a sudden.

Unfortunately, one of the things that I've learned from this record is that because I'm so used to recording only with my ears, I have a completely dead face while I record. Yeah, it's why. So I've been looking at Anna and occasionally I look at Anna and she's looking at me like, am I saying racial swan? Because I'm just staring into the middle distance like the undead. Yep. I love it. You could get into it, have some energy, enjoy what you're doing.

That'd be great. Oh, his voice is very weird. My voice is doing weird. Yeah, it's like his voice is coming out of a mannequin. Yeah. Anyway. That's unhealthy. It's really weird.

I'm worried about it. Your voice is on my foot. I didn't notice that. I'm sorry. You didn't notice? I did. I was just living my life It's hack and you're touching my foot

Tell Anna to stay on her I hate you He he he's I'm taking tape down the middle he's drawing a drawing a chocolate I'm drawing a chocolate. Oh, no, I get the side of the house with both hands. Don't do this. He likes I have to fuck it My side has the coffee so you know base nice play. He just sold my water. He he just told my water. He stole. He stole my water. He's he's don't do this. Quick, my battery's right now. He's right. Let's do that. I'm the favorite. I would prefer this. Okay. Okay. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Let's do that instead of talking about the moving. All right, I would prefer this. Okay.