God Awful Movies - 329: Demolition Man

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

This week, the guys team up for a review of Demolition Man, a movie that doesn't really hit the "god" or "awful" part of our title. Because apparently this is what Heath and Eli really wanted for Christmas. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Yeah, it's so Simon Phoenix, Wesley Snipes, is an old-fashioned 90s hardened criminal and that doesn't exist anymore. So we're gonna need an old-fashioned cop. Nope, you never need an old-fashioned anything. Nope, that's never the only one man can stop. Nope, it's never that. It's never one man, It's never old-fashioned Nope, none of that unless you are ordering an old-fashioned. Do you never need a

God-awful movie Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be one celebrity impression. I'm your host Noah Luzon, something sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend, despite how I just introduced him. Heath then, right? Heath, welcome back. I'm so happy. This is so good, bad. This is like the goodest good bad, good bad. I love it.

So good bad. In fact, it could be described as good good. And sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend, Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am amazing Noah good to know and tell us he's what will we be breaking down today? We watched Demolition man. It's the story of a futuristic paradise of peace and harmony in 2032. No guns, no murder, no disease, everybody's happy and healthy. And libertarians

live underground in a suit. I loved it. Yeah. I love it. But then a white cop from the 90s ruins the whole thing. Yeah. They had a habit of doing that. Otherwise, I loved it. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the Joe Rogan podcast, but he's not explicitly racist enough for you, you will love this movie. I loved this movie. This is like learning your morning cartoons where North Korean propaganda films, the movie.

Yeah, I loved it too, but I did not remember from age 11 or 12, whatever it was, that it was a really strong atlas shrugged message throughout. I didn't catch that part when I was 12. So as I think I've made clear, I'm going to be defending this film against Heath and the Eli's unwarranted attacks throughout with the exception of Wesley Snipes Chinese noises that were quite problematic. That was weird. Dang, he got it. He beat us still with the exception of Wesley Snipes Chinese noises that were quite problematic. That was weird.

Dang, he got it. He beat us still with the exception of that. I'm dying to know what part of this movie Eli's going to pretend was racist. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Well, the paradise was ruined by a black guy from 1996. And then the white savior cop from 1996 fixes the whole thing. It's got a few problematic moments, but I loved it at the time.

I'm going to go for best worst. I'm going to go with best, best prophecy. This entire movie is a prophecy. It nailed. It's like the Neil Stevenson of movies. It got everything right. It really did. Everything happened. I have so many notes about exactly that about like wow

They nailed that one too, huh? So I was gonna go with best worst effort and a Schwartz and a Gary and one liner That is the sub plot of this fucking movie is so vestress to loan desperately trying to have an I'll be back or an I let him go kind of moment and failing so hard. At one point Wesley Snipes says, I'll see you in hell and slice to loan says not. Yep. I sure was not. That's the last.

I had to go back and check it on the fucking subtitles, but yes, that's the line. Wow. I didn't remember the the Schwarzenegger, you know, reference either. I just remember they talked about him. I don't remember a line from his. Wow. I didn't remember the Schwarzenegger reference either. I just remember they talked about him. I don't remember a line from his, wow. Yeah. There's a few times in this movie where it seems like sliced the loan is being surprised with opportunities for one liners.

Yeah. It's like, oh, you're dangling me over a pit. Don't get put down. Fuck. I gotta start reading the script. Did I make Cliffip Hanger yet? I'm gonna go with best worst dystopia? Mm-hmm.

The thing that is most disappointing and scary about this movie besides the six seconds that Dennis Leary is allowed to talk and remind me that we once allowed Dennis Leary to talk. Fucking worst. Is what the 1990s were afraid of. Yeah, we'll get to it. They get confused by themselves so many times. By the way, it was Dennis leery funny. Now, was he funny? Never once. His entire bit was talking really fast and giving out lists and making people think there must have been something funny

in there that they missed at some point. That was all he ever did. I love Dennis Leary. I think I thought he was funny. I never see. He was, he was like, just like fucking Adam Sandler. Everybody was laughing at this shit. I'm going, but he never even told the fucking joke. This was almost my best worst. If this podcast has a through line, it is the terrifying journey of Noah's life where we have been able, me and Heath have been able to look back and be like, oh no, I fucking love that thing.

I thought it was great. And poor nine year old Noah was like, that seems pretty homophobic to me guys. Are you sure? Are you sure? I would love to say that it was because it was homophobic that I didn't like it But it was just not fucking funny

Not that homophobia is funny. Okay. I'm gonna dive and take myself into a fucking no But Adam Sandler he changes the volume of his voice at Funny that's a joke right yeah, I kind of feel like you're shitting on your own plate there funny. That's a joke, right? Yeah. He that kind of feel like you're shitting on your own plate there. That's not all right. All of a sudden loud is not a trick out of not our bad. I'm just saying, let's find a much less glass house. He's one of my major influence. Yeah. There you go. Artistically. All right. Well, obviously we've got to go over the company statement of purpose one more time. So we're going to pause for a quick break. But when we come back, we'll dive into into all the let me quote from the critic consensus on rotten tomatoes here

Better than average sci-fi shoot them up. That is demolition man So that's the lights the candles anything else? No, that's the last of the Christmas stuff All right, well there you go and of course here you go. Oh, that's the last of the Christmas stuff. All right, well, uh, there you go. And of course, here you go. Oh, what's this? Oh, it's a seasonal effective disorder, cheap chocolates and unexpectedly bad weather.

It's for the next three months. They're free, just like you get three months free, it meant mobile. Oh, what's meant mobile? Come on, he's totally cheating. No, no, not cheating. I am also Christmas shopping. Oh, oh really for what? I it's for

Ching Jingle bells Oh, anyway, what's mint mobile for my reindeer? You don't have to try to recover. You stole it. You don't have to From Blitzin needs it. They're the best deal and wireless mint mobile lets you order from home and save a ton with phone plans that started just $15 a month. Right now, when you switch to Mint Mobile and buy any three-month plan, you get another three months for free. So we're doing the same thing here at Big Christmas Store. When you buy your Christmas stuff, you get January, February, and March for free.

Okay, but with Mint Mobile, all plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network Do your Christmas decorations do that? No, I guess they don't ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that's meant mobile dot com slash cam cut your wireless bill to fifteen bucks a month at meant mobile dot com slash cam all right thanks i guess you know blitzon actually has a pretty serious coke problem really i honestly i thought that would be root off

nope blitzon and so i say to work consent what does that mean you want to get paid and did she that That's the thing she wouldn't say. She just maced me. Hey guys, hey guys, wait for our big pitch meeting for the next slice the lone movie. I just I'm sorry. I had the worst morning. Oh yeah, what happened? I'm in a traffic light and there's this black guy in front of me. I hate that. Dave, you're supposed to wait until I said what he was doing. Oh, right. Yeah, sorry.

Anyway, so this is black. I have heard of me and he's listened to his music super loud in the car right in front of me. Oh, I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. And I just thought to myself like, you know what? That's what the city is becoming, right?

It's just overrun by black guys with loud music and the cops in this town are too much of bunch of pussy to do anything about it. Yeah, that is correct. It is 1993 and cops are way too easy on people of color right now. Yeah, absolutely. Totally, especially here in LA. Oh, anyway, so what should this movie be about? Wait a second, guys. It's so obvious. Yeah. We should do a bunch of cocaine. Yes. Yes, love it.

Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on LA and 1996, which looks lot like LA in 1992. Yeah. This was made moments after the LA riots and the Ronnie King. Yeah, moments. Yeah.

This pro 1990s LA police movie. I love to this silly ass like because I've got to like stick in the exposition. This was made in 93, right? So it's not like 96 was the distant future. And the pilots like, you remember back when they were still landing commercial airlines in this city. It's like in your own movie. That's two fucking years ago max right you do remember the year before last yeah, man We all remember I say boy, do you remember? Heprich found remember

Also, I just want to point out that they're being shot at by a seven-year-old making gun sound effects with his mouth Yes, I don't know when fully evolved between that they're being shot at by a seven-year-old making gun sound effects with his mouth. Yes. I don't know when Foley evolved between 1992 and 1999 or whatever, but they got better gun sound effects in the last few years. We were still in the PQPQ days for sure, yeah. Yeah, were people shooting laser guns in this moment or like plasma cannons?

What was happening? It looked like Star Wars. They were shooting Pto doop doop guns. Yeah. This is 1996 is the setting of this moment. Yeah. And so we be sliced alone. He's on this police helicopter going to get Simon Phoenix.

And you know he's the bad guy because slide us the whole like bond James Bond formulation with his name. So we're going after Phoenix, Simon Phoenix. Yeah. And he yells his name when he jumps out of the helicopter. So you know it's personal. Okay. This method of exiting a helicopter does not seem optimal. None of it. No, that is correct. Strategically speaking, I have a lot of questions.

Right. First of all, you don't like scream. I'm sure going to catch you by surprise on your way down. Right. Yep. He also appears to be on a bungee. That's. He was not a great way to reach a surface, I feel like. But here's the thing, he wasn't. It just stopped when he got to the end. Right, which would be the same as just jumping out of the helicopter. Well, to be fair, slice the loan is immune to bungee as he's. Oh, there he is. As evidenced by his face elasticity does not work around.

I see. Okay. No, that makes perfect. And a bunch of henchmen are just like, Hey, there's a cop screaming the name of our boss. We shoot him now, right? We just shoot him right there. Let it play out. Let it play out. You want to run me? Wow. You're really bad at this. We're gonna shoot you right now hanging on that cord. All right. So yeah, but he shoots all of them instead. Then he gets

down where like he goes downstairs to where Wesley snipes is. Yeah. And he's got a very quick monologue he has to give. Right. Stallone's acting style. I would describe it as speedrun of a video game. Yeah. Yeah. This is this glorious period of movie history where sliced alone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were the biggest movie stars in the world and nobody knew why and nobody could stop it. It was a runaway train. They hated it. We hated it.

Everyone hated it. No one was on board except for me watching ABC when I was sick as a 15 year old 10 years later, but like nobody was on board And somehow we were all just going through the basis Oh, please train run out of love it So yeah, so but while he's given his monologue he reveals that sliced alone is standing right in a big bottle of gasoline That's not I'm not of this is how gasoline works. No, he holds the fucking blowtorch like an inch over it, like,

ooh, don't make me dip this into the gasoline. Dude, that's not okay. He does the thing that actually would have been for a problem. Right. Right. Yeah, he'd be in a cloud of flames at this moment. Yeah.

But then he actually lights it and everybody's just like, oh, we better move away from that. And then they just very gently move away from the small pool of gasoline. It's the fucking bat. That, hey, that trope, I wish that had stayed in movies. Just like if I drop this dead switch, I'll catch it. Yeah. Right. That's it.

Fuck. Can we talk about what he's wearing at this moment? Sure. Sure. Well, sure. His, his, his wardrobe throughout this film deserves a mention. Sure. What is going on? He is dressed like what your racist grandma describes Dennis Rodman as wearing. Okay. That's, that's amazing because Dennis Rodman actually based his haircut on this haircut. Yeah. That's as in this movie. Yeah. Yeah.

So at some point they were like, what about guys wearing the distant future, you know, like three years from now? Right. And somebody was like leather clown stuff. Leather clown stuff. Exactly. Okay. Now, what if you had to make an outfit for the road warrior out of Fanny packs?

All right. I'm on it. Well, do that. Hamper pants, Biker on the, so hammer pants below clown hammer and then top half is Biker. Got it? Like that? Yeah. So, yeah.

But so they have their little fight eventually slide Noxum out and he has to like fireman carry him out of the building and the building explodes because fuck yeah, the building explodes. Oh, and it is this, my friends, this is the 90s. They just did that. They just blew up. That was a school. That would they just blow up a school for this movie and kids showed up the next day and they're like, ah, I guess we're off.

Damn it. Yeah, no, they really blew up a building for this one. That's an entire chapter of Sid Field in the 1990s edition. It's just like, boom. There you go. How do you spell that? All right. So now it's post-explosion.

Of course, the captain is chew and sly out for being such a damn maverick. And it's weird sometimes to look back at these movies and these tropes because you wonder if the people making the tropes new Right, it was like, oh damn it, don't you you know, I'm the chief and you're the rogue cop. All right But doesn't that say everything about the 90s that you need to know the universal Hero in our movies was police officer who doesn't give no shit about your civil liberties. Yeah. Remember when cops getting in trouble was a possible plot for a movie or even a conceivable

reality? Right. Yeah, because they're like, oh, you know, 30 people got killed when you blew up that building and I'm like, I don't know if they're going to convict on that. Those kids made him feel danger. He felt danger to be fair. If this movie was made now, they're just flash cut to them planting guns on all the kids and the bus. The kids were trying to take away my C4. Right. So yeah, but so that's the inciting incident. He blew up the building and it turns out there were hostages in the building and they all died. So he's going to jail right along with Wesley

Snipes. Fuck yeah, he is. And then of course we have to get the obligatory slice ass scenes. So this is where he's cryogenically frozen. I feel like that he that's got to be a contract thing like Vin Diesel not losing a fight. Sure. In every single one. Yeah.

Well, not the more recent ones. At a certain point, he let that go for the rider. I feel like the ass is like behind the knees at this point. Yeah, when they, they needed a wide range lens for it. And he was like, okay, you don't have to. Yeah. Think about it. But it's moving downwards at the same speed as his face.

It's, but it's ankles, maybe it's rough. Yeah, right. This is also the scene where I began to suspect that maybe sliced alone didn't have If it's moving downwards at the same speed as his face, it's, but it's ankles, maybe it's rough. Yeah, right. This is also the scene where I began to suspect that maybe sliced the loan didn't have a script because the warden guy he's doing the like, so there's just a loan of the 477th precinct. You are found and he's just roasting them the entire time. Like I'm trying to get through a monologue on d&d fucking minus

He's just like scoop it shut up Don't care no Whatever So but yeah, but they put him in the little cryogenic chamber which is Much smaller than him which seems unnecessary Put him in this thing and he's naked for no reason. Because you have to see his ass in the contract. Oh, contract.

Sure. But then he has to like, they start closing the top and they're like, you duck down. You have to duck down. So we made it smaller, made it smaller than a person. That's the worst part when they make you hunch down into your own cryo goo chamber. I would not crawl into the corner Like I would just stand there and it would just bounce off of me over and over again Like the stand clear the closing door

Man, don't do this you're being in debt. We're all gonna be late now He turns next to him Vern Troyer's in a chin and tank like six times his size I think they got switched. I don't want to be that guy. I think they got and then I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm two. He's like, I'm doing a weird pose with my legs. I don't know what timeout I crossed my leg.

Fuck, it's weird. I'm sitting like like a Victorian debutante. I don't understand what happened. Well, and then the credits finish. They're done with this scene, but they're still credits to go. So the credits finish with us. Do it all these weird 3D slow-mo pans of slides abs and is glutes and stuff. Yeah.

Also, the cryogenic technology here, apparently between 1993 and the distant future of 96, they invented ice-nine balls. Yep. Ice-nine balls. But they keep in giant cryogenic tampons. Why is it in that? Also, why isn't it in a cryogenic tampons. Mm-hmm. Why is it in that? Also, why is it in a giant? Doesn't,

well, you couldn't use a pad, right? You'd have to lower the food. That'd be done too. That'd be silly. That'd be silly. Right. Cups better for the environment. Yes.

All right, so then we popped forward in time to 2032, the distance. Sandra Bullock! Huge fan, drop a hold. Oh, yeah, Sandra Bullock, she is so fucking cute. She still is, but like, every time she shows up on screen, I'm just like, she's so cute. She's delightful.

Yeah, she's a delight. Sandra Bullock appears, appears to know that she is Sandra Bullock and just has to get through this part of her life. Like if Sandra Bullock came out tomorrow and was like, hey, sorry, everyone, I'm a mentat. I've actually always been able to see all of the time and space. And so it was really hard for me to do demolition, man, just knowing that like my whole career was ahead of me. Also, I don't know why I still did blindside if that was the case, but that's besides the point. The point is she won a fucking Oscar for that.

She, she marks her way through this movie like she's trying not to set off an angry stepdad. You have to kiss me. Yeah, regardless. I can't wait. Slime. I can't wait to kiss you. Great. On what I assume is your mouth. It's moved. It moved. It's down here now. Wow. It's lowering actively. It's moving now. Yes. Just keep track. Quick. Yeah. Kiss me. Quick. We'll work. It's the lower. But so and she's calling the warden at the prison to complain that there's not enough murder anymore. It's just no fun to be a cop. Yep. The perspective of the 1990s, the terrifying future where it could be boring to be a police officer. Right. And I would like to point out that

this is where they begin with their string of incredibly correct predictions. Yeah. They have FaceTime and self-driving cars in this. Oh, yeah. Now that that's the first movie I'm hanging through. Yeah, basically every future movie has FaceTime and Alan. Yeah. Now that's the first moment. Yeah. Basically, every future movie has FaceTime and self driving cars. That's not much, but we'll get better. They have like Tesla's butt. They're better than Tesla.

Yeah. Nobody crashes and dies because of them. Yeah. The ones Elon Musk made it. But this is also where we subtly introduce the mole people, right? So this is the great stupid tech that you get in movies. A graffiti gun rises out of the ground and auto sprays a bunch of graffiti, but still in the style that you would do it if you were doing it with a spray can.

Why? What? Okay. There's libertarian mole people living underground in the sewers. What they, they're starving by the way. What they did with their resources was build a spray paint android robot drone. Yep. The ground and does low level vandalism on walls that can immediately erase the graffiti on a race itself or racing walls, okay, okay, but he if the libertarians were underground and starving, that is what they would use.

You know what? It's withdrawn again. We're trying again. What would Dennis Leary do underground? Yeah. You try to build a spray paint robot. Yeah. It was like, I'm an asshole.

Fuck you. That's he would, he would build a fuck you spray paint robot instead of a shower. There you go. Yeah, it's a, but we cut down. Do we see him leading his gang of subterranean fucking chimney sweeps or whatever? And they're like, boy, we're going to be important to the movie later, huh? Oh, so good. That, I mean, this is the perfect type cast.

They're like, okay, Libertarian Moll people, we need a king, Dennis Leary. Dennis Leary is the king of Libertarian Moll people. Libertarian Moll people, I think he's, that's on his business card. No, okay. He was actually already under the set trying to start Libertarian Moll people, under-ass crawls out into the room.

This is actually a super convenient. Give him a second to adjust his eyes. He's got it. He's got it. And speaking of the full nadir of comedy, this is also where, so we go back to the police station and we introduce Rob Schneider. Yeah. The only person in this movie for whom the future should have terrified him.

Okay. I will, I'm going on record. I did not like Rob Schneider then don't like him now. I, this was one of the few that I got. Okay, all right. This isn't funny. He's not funny. Nope, he sure the fuck isn't.

Loved Rob Schneider. No, you did. No, you didn't. You want to know something? No, you didn't. So, God damn it. I was doust big, low male, jiggle low for multiple hollow beef. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I couldn't vote when I was do speak. The male police for Halloween. See, this is what democracy doesn't work. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Raise that age to there.

Yeah. But before the internet go, I, my friends, how old is Eli? Just like two years older than Eli is now. So, yeah. So Rob Schneider is there. He does so little is now. So yeah, so Rob Schneider is there he does so little in this movie to like even for Rob Schneider. Well, I mean, yeah, he's showing off his chops as a three second extra in a sketch with somebody funny next to right. Yeah. In this case Sandra Bullock. Well, yeah, exactly. And I want to point out that

this is where they predict that we will be avoiding physical contact. This is they do there not quite handshake. Yeah, they do that are not quite in hand shake. Yeah, they do like the Romeo and Juliet kiss thing instead of the high five. Yeah. Or no, the Rosalind, the Romeo and Rosalind kiss. Okay. Deep cut, act one.

So, right, Eli, right? Shakespeare nailed it. Not in the move. It's fine. Yeah. It's not a movie. I'm talking about a play by William Shakespeare. They do a high. They do an almost high five and then do circles around it. You're saying that's in Romeo and Juliet. Yes. I don't. Wow. Eli doesn't know this. Read a book.

I'm so happy right now. That is in yes, it's in Romeo and Juliet at the beginning. Okay. So Sandra Bullock is still complaining that there are to enough murders and assaults. Damn it. Yep. She's brought this to the general police force. She wants this guy's come on. Yeah. And of course, this is also where we introduce the fact that whenever anybody cusses, there's a little robot in the back that that finds important. I'm like, bots policing our language nailed another one.

Yeah. They really one. Yeah. They really did. Amazing. One thing they didn't get quite right, I guess, but I'm looking forward to it. In 2032, everyone's gonna talk like an in-sell yoga insurer from the part out. I don't know why that would be the case.

This is one of those times where like, sliced the loam was like, I predict the future, and they let them do it. They let them write some of this, I think. I gotta feel like this weird thing that they did. And I still do this a lot. This idea that somehow in the future we're gonna lose contractions.

That is the opposite of how language works. That's like when they show the moon partially blown up, that is to linguist as the moon partially blown up in the fucking background is to astronomers. Yeah. It's so stupid. Yeah. And so we're in Sandra Bullock's police officer office, right?

Yes. And she's Lieutenant Huxley, by the way. Lieutenant Lenina Huxley at that. Yes. All the sex. All the sex. Author of Brave New World and main female character and Brave New World.

Red a book nailed it. So she's got this office full of like 90s stuff because she's a big fanatic about the old time E 90s. And that's represented her office by a snake in a can that pops out and scares her peanut brittle pop. Thank you. Benjamin Brad and also a samurai sword on the wall. a snake in a can that pops out and scares her peanut brittle top thing. Yeah. Yeah. Benjamin Bratt and also a samurai sword on the wall and a poster of blood sugar sex

magic by the red. Absolutely. Pepper. Yep. She's also she also got a lethal weapon. Yes. lethal weapon three. No less.

Wow. Well, and that's what I love about it is they keep saying, wow, you sure are into the 20th century as though the 20th century was 1993. Yeah. That's how I think of it. The whole century. Yeah. Okay. So then we cut to Wesley Snipes in in the prison. It's time for his parole hearing. Okay. Okay. Goodhuh. Uh, parole for good behavior. It doesn't really make sense. If you're frozen, did he behave? You stayed frozen? In the cryo-freeze?

What better behavior is there than staying frozen and you're cryo-free? The one guy who melts is just like, fuck, I can't. That guy doesn't get parole. I guess, yeah. So, and I'll say it better than the current system. Well, true that. So, yeah, so the wordness going through all his little speech that he has to do and Wesley snipes the whole time

is translating it into Spanish. Yeah, but like, mm-mm, mm-mm, yeah, right. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Subtranslating to Spanish, we hate that in the future. There's no reason for that. Yeah. So, but just then, he says, do you have anything to do you say for yourself?

And he says, Teddy bear. And it turns out that that's the voice override on his handcuffs. Okay. I, I don't think handcuffs should have a voice override. Yeah. Maybe you don't have a verbal password is what I wrote in my notes here. Yeah. Yeah. That said though, I do want to see a verbal password is what I wrote in my notes here. Yeah. Yeah.

That said, though, I do want to see a future where all the prisoners are just walking around being like, uh, coach MacGooz, uh, three penny opera, hats and coats. I got a hat to coats. Mine was a hat to coat everybody. I feel like a lot of people say Teddy and Bear sometimes can be tough, weird words. If we're going gonna have a verbal right at the very least could it be like the AI code to make the robot love you or something yeah Say the words that trigger the winter soldier, but no they're randomly assigned one guy gets like let me go

I'm gonna have a terrible week My guys got let me go. I'm gonna get this. They're gonna pop right off him. But yeah, so but he gets out of his cough city starts kicking a bunch of ass and of course his name is Simon Phoenix. So this is where he goes. Simon says die. Oh, God.

Fucking awesome. This movie will occasionally remember that it's set that up and it's great. And when it does, it's great. They occasionally remember and then they're like, so I'm into and it never makes sense. They just not for the rest of the movie. All the addicts. I remember it once in act two. Yeah. All right. So meanwhile, back at the station, they're getting a code one eight seven. And they don't even know what the fuck that is because it's been so long who can

remember something 16 years.. Yeah, yeah. And that's a murdered death kill. What? A murdered death kill. Murder kill. In the future, we combine all similar words we can think of within like five or 10 seconds that's last alone can think of. Right. That's why we stop doing contractions.

It's all about making sure we can talk for the longest possible amount of time to get the information. Murder death. Kill hat. It's just about making sure we can talk for the longest possible amount of time to get the information. Murder death kill hat. It's just the first three. I love to. And they ask, what's it? One eight seven. The computer has a little graphic for murder.

Someone programmed that in. They have to talk outline guy to be like, this was what we meant. You wouldn't know the estimate. I'm a computer. And it also tells us the last murder ever was in 2010. Thanks Obama. That's supposed to, we're supposed to think this is a bad society. They've, they got rid of murder for the last 22 years. It's amazing here, but was it worth it? Yeah. The rest of this movie that will ask you, was it worth it? The answer is yes. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. No murder for 22 years

I'm trying to think of what I wouldn't give up for that I'm done. I got that. I don't have a look. Cushing say say the word fuck. I don't think I can I don't think I add no I've just let's murder plus me. I get to still say fuck. I'm I'm with that. I just pay the credits, right? Because it's not like you can't that's true I'll just not talk. I will pay the credits, right? Because it's not like you can't do that. That's true. I'll just not talk. I will be silent forever if we can get in. There's no murder and no talking.

Fucking great. Love it. Sounds good. So, but this is where, of course, Sandra Bullock's cop instincts kick in and she starts typing into a computer that's voice activated while also talking to it, telling it to do the same thing that she's typing into. So something is superfluous there. I want it not to work like when you try to unlock the door while someone's talking on

the hand. Yeah. So am I talking in typing? Yeah. You stop talking. I'm talking to myself type. Fuck. But they figure out it was Simon Phoenix and he's got himself a future card to get away.

But Wesley Schneip shows up at this public computer terminal and it turns out that he has super hacking powers. This is a movie so that will be represented by he can type really, really fast. To be fair, we do find out what the hacking code for that terminal is. code for that terminal is it is seven seven seven seven seven seven seven seven seven seven you're right that is that is the that is the safety override code it was all sevens really yep yep sevens teddy bear yeah so but he's hacking his way around on this computer and suddenly you can hear a voice in his head telling him to kill Dennis Leary and I'm like, that might be me. And in 1993, I can't say for sure. Just turns a little baby Noah's smoking a cigarette.

Come on, man, do it. I tell you what, you killed Dennis Leary. I'll tell you about your accountant. Wap bagging for. Oh, no, he's not a wizard man. If Dennis Larry gets killed by a man, Shrian candidate Noah, because he watched this yesterday, you know, that's not another question. It's like, it's like the future, right? Worth it in a lot of ways.

But yeah, so all the cops show up to arrest Wesley Snips and they don't not a cop at all. It's pretty funny actually the whole bit where they're they don't know what to do. But like honest, I had this moment of crisis because sometimes I sit alone and I'm like, how did we get here as a society and movies where the fear is that we could possibly have a society where there's no murder and a black guy could just beat up all the cops with his mind karate with his ice-taught karate. Like that's, that's how we got here as a society. These were our movies, something, something Kyle Rittenhouse's Equitat of All Characters.

Like I see, I see the line. See this is why we need critical race theory in schools. Absolutely. Yeah. Like this is the theory of this movie. Libertarians made this movie. Think we're going to like lose guns and then cops are going to forget how to use guns. And then they're going to forget how to police anybody and then sarcasm and contractions

are going to go away because of critical race theory. That's what they're saying. Is that what they're saying? In 16 years. So we better enjoy it while we can, I guess. But yeah, but Wesley Snipes refuses to be politely arrested and instead kicks all the cops asses. Yeah. And then we have to meet this movie's main villain. This is Dr. Cocktoe. I don't know that he has an affair. He's just the savior of the city, right? He's not like the mayor or anything. He's just some dude.

Up. He's just the liberal gay coded. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's John Cocktoe. I mean, they do a bunch of nameshit.

This is like, hoxley. This is John Cocktoe, the French artist. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. And he's dressed like a Jedi samurai, which is nice. It actually looks good on him. Yeah. It does though. He has a very strong gown game. And I think maybe that's why he's in charge. He has the strongest of the gown games. I would say. Yeah. He does. He's also FaceTiming all of the council members, but it's one of those future predictions that they always get wrong where like every FaceTime needs its own camera and chair, which is just a super poor use of space.

Like they wouldn't know that back then. No, because they want to still have a boardroom. Why would what would they do with it? Guys, we can sell the really long table too. In fact, we could just use this room for ping pong or something. It's something that I think we can do so many activities. Look at all the space we have. Did we just become best friends? So yes. So yeah, but he and he's telling all of them that he's had enough of Dennis Leary and I'm like, I am so with the bad guy in

this movie in so many ways. Again, it's like slowly pans over to baby no in the corner. Now this guy knows what he's fucking talking about all right So and then we also have to meet his assistant now according to the IMDB trivia This character in the novelization of this movie that apparently exists and Heath is getting for Christmas is identified as being a unit There's a novel. Yes. There's a apparently a novelization There's a novel. Yes, there's apparently a novelization. Wow. That was a man.

Okay, you're not talking about, you're not talking about the like Eastern European novel that they very clearly stole this and that. No, I'm talking about the post movie coming out novelization. Wow, just to add insult to entry, they're like, and now we write a novel that we, you, you didn't do any. You did not help. We had, but we did both. This is your next citation needed episode.

He. The novelization novelization. And you know what? No jokes. None of our jokes. If anyone goes to interrupt with jokes, you say, shut the fuck up. And then you just fucking serious to describe and I just read it. You just read it for word.

The night's a seven and a, I don't know how long that audio book is. It's a seven and a half hour long episode. how long that audio book is. It's a seven and a half hour long episode. So that's my April full stay joke this year. Yeah, there you go. But yeah, so we meet him and then we cut back over to Sandra Bullock who says, hey, wasn't he in jail when this all started? Why don't we just do whatever you guys did that ended him him being in jail in the first place. And old time or cop is like for that, we're going to need sliced a low. Yeah. It's so Simon Phoenix Wesley Snipes is an old fashioned 90s hardened criminal and that doesn't exist anymore. So we're going to need an old fashioned cop. Nope. You never need an old fashioned

to anything. That's never, that's never the only one man can stop. Nope. It's never that. It's never one man. It's never old fashioned. Nope. None of that unless you are ordering an old fashioned, do you never need his old fashioned? Well, right. And of course Sandra Bullock is a big fish. She was a big fan of police violence. So she has, she queues up a video of sliced aloads greatest hits from back when he was a rogue cop. Okay. Thank you.

We need to talk about this, this greatest hits for you all because at one point, he's carrying a little girl out of some wreckage. And the reporter says, why would you destroy a $24 million dollar mall for a little girl out of some wreckage and the reporter says, why would you destroy a $24 million dollar mall for a little girl whose ransom was only $10,000. Thank you, lady. Okay, luckily that little girl does tell her to fuck herself and that is great and that is good and should be in every movie. The question very much of sent me. I laughed for a while at this little girl being like, fuck you lady. Yeah. She saved my life. She's, she's going places. Whoever that is that I hope it's that like eight year old actor who improvised that line.

And they were just like, wow, keep that. Keep it. It's a brando first take. Lister, I have petitioned my co-hosts for years to let me have a sound board. They have said no, probably for good reason. That's why you're still here. But I would add fuck you, lady, to my sound board if I had it. That's that. And Boba Bowie would be half the podcast. Right.

Be the. Apparently I need to renew the no sound board clause. So we're going to take a quick break. But we'll be back in a flash with all the prophetic ass kicking that is gemolition man Boy, you know, I could boring my wife would be in there my wife. Yes, I get that one height of humor the the Sean Penn Yeah, oh yeah Sean Penn. Yeah, obviously. And this one is the lima beans. Lima beans. Why would we need that? For the lima, dude, obviously. Hey, guys, what's

what's with all the pills? Are we checking to see if God's not real again? Because I told you guys, I need a weekend for that. And you can't just surprise me. I need to plan ahead. No, Eli and I got to think about this week's movie and all the future stuff that's in it. And you know it's just a matter of time before there's food pills. So we figured why not get a jumpstart on that, right? Look, guys, if you want to make meals a breeze, why don't you just try HelloFresh?

What's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, we get fresh, pre-ped ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. I don't know, Heath. No one I are awful picky. Well, Hello Fresh offers 50 menu and market items to choose from every week, including vegetarian, calorie smart, and gourmet options, providing plenty of variety. That does sound awesome.

Okay, so where do I sign up? Just go to HelloFresh.com slash Awful14 and use code Awful14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts. So I go to HelloFresh.com slash Awful14 and use code Aw awful 14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts. That's right. It's HelloFresh America's number one meal kit. Thanks, Heath.

Also, those aren't food pills. I think those are Eli's leftover tamiflo. Oh, we're going to be sick. Yeah. Yep, I would say you will be very sick. Mr. Bosnick, welcome to the year 2032. Wow! Everything's so cool! Yes, but I must warn you, everything is much different now.

Oh, yeah, how so? Well, first of all, there hasn't been a murder in 16 years. Wow! That's awesome! But, really great! I'm afraid you won't be able to eat meat or swear. Oh Um, I mean, that's that's kind of lame, but okay, okay, also also all the music is commercial jingles Again, I personally find that pretty lame, but I guess if there's like a murder-free society, we could probably discuss the music thing at some point.

Right. You're taking this really well. Yeah, no, no, I could see how people would not enjoy this mildly, but I mean, no murder is definitely worth jamming out to the by men and jingle. No, I meant you're podcasting partner murder death killed like four people when we told him about it oh no that tracks that does track i'll do more get me a burger by the way yeah that and scotch

mm-hmm so many more and we're back and we're going to rejoin this movie in the dry ice slash ambient smoke room where they're throwing out our hero John Spartan. Oh, if they don't do the super long pee like they did in Austin Powers, they missed their opportunity. That's what I'm saying right now. Well, I love to because we see on the computer that got this laser cutting them out and it's cutting them out too dimensionally like he's a paper doll.

Like I wanted their to like they get done. They're still ice above and below them. They're like, right, depth shit. Shit. It seems like you wouldn't need a laser for ice. It's ice, right? It's just, that's, we cut ice long before there were lasers. I believe.

I don't even think you have to. Yeah, why doesn't it have to happen? It like it's melting happens. Someone just takes sliced the loan have to melt it up. Why does it have to happen? Like, it just melts it. Happens. Someone just takes sliced the loan out into the parking lot, the wrong, the wrong brand. Oh God. It's fucking hurt my shoulder.

Ow. So they wake us up. I love the, it's fucking, it's a stupid ass sci-fi movie. So I have to get to this quick. He's like, wait, it's been like 40 years. It's my wife, then they're like, yep, he's like, I'm going to get over that disturbingly quickly. Aren't either like, yep. Well, here's what's crazy. And this is going to bring me to my fan theory that Sandra

Bullock is his daughter. He's like, what about my daughter? And they're like, and he's like, I will never follow up on that. Don't worry about it. Okay, well, they wrote a daughter plot and then they cut it out for time because it was too slow, but the way they cut it, they're fucking idiots, so they definitely made it seem like she's the daughter and then they fuck later. So bananas. Well, so I read somewhere that the reason

that they cut it out is because ultimately that leaves him having sex with a girl that's the same age as this daughter and that like test audiences didn't like that bit. But yeah, this movie was trimmed and rewritten and recut a half dozen times after everything was done on it. So there's a lot of that kind of shit. We'll get to another huge one a little bit later on. But yeah, there was a sub plot where his daughter was in the sewers with Dennis Leary's

chimney sweep gang. Oh, God. Man, how much of a bummer is that? How much do you wish your daughter was dead in the giant earthquake instead of a libertarian dating Dennis Leary? Oh, and of course, he wants a cigarette, but cigarettes are illegal. This is back when they would actually like say the name of the brand. I said there were cigarette product placements in this.

Oh, fuck yeah. But cigarettes are illegal in this world. He says, are you shitting me? And then this is where he learns that that casting is also illegal in this world. Yeah. Yeah. Smoking, drinking, meat, chocolate, gasoline, spicy things, these are all illegal because of the critical race theory. Yeah. They also mention that abortion

is illegal, but so is pregnancy without a license. Yes. So I get what they're going for. That's like the one thing that they like libertarians can get me on is like, well, it's freedom of choice. Yeah. Okay. That is a libertarian thing sort of fine. But if it was illegal and you had to get a pregnancy license, I might like, you know, I have mixed feelings about these coming around.

He's coming around. He's got some hot eugenics takes for our comedy podcast. I was reading up on the Supreme Court recently. I don't know. They make it some good points. How many generations would you say is enough? Fuck. This is a bit. Yeah. It was just now. Total bit. So yeah. But so then this is where sliced alone goes to meet all the other cops with just an ass full of shit residue apparently. So we introduce the three C shells. The fact that he just walks out with his pooptush is a real alpha move and really descriptive

of the 90s. Right. If somebody walks over to you and they're fully clothed, they just walked from the bathroom and they're like, there's no toilet paper in the bathroom. They are covered in shit right now. And they're closed back on over it. On clothes, what's happened? And they're like, they wash their ass in the sink, right?

Or they have to follow it up with, and I really need to use it, right? Well, right. But yeah, but I also want to point out a toilet paper shortage. Another prediction that they got correct. Yes. In this movie. This is where they talk about the three C shells. And I just want to say that like, I know that this movie has been reviewed by other bad movie podcasts and like it's been talked about as a bad movie. There's too much dialogue on the internet about the three she shows.

I googled it and there's like a bunch of very serious conversations by adults who could have done anything else with their time. I think the three she shows are we didn't meet the internet was a mistake. Okay. I have a theory about the three shells that I would like to discuss. I think it's kind of poison the well. Yeah, right. But here's the thing. This is the place not Google. I feel like the part where someone they have to come to us for the three she shells. We're Googleable, so Eli, we are. Okay.

For all. Yeah, we are. It's all Googleable. I veto the rest of this comedy podcast. I guess the premise of my joke that I'm getting around to is no fun. Fun. So what do you guys think of that? T. up.

You like that one. So so what you hear a theory after that. We're that so you stopped talking so quickly there. So Patreon donors for the support. You can go to no more jokes. I. If I was committed to this bit, I would yell no more jokes every time I start. Yeah, but we we hit it too.

I like to espouse my theory about the three shells. Eli, do you have a theory first? Would you like to go first? Okay. So here's the one I found most convincing online. Is it the one that the writers of the movie admitted was what they had in mind? Oh, no. Did they have a theory? Well, I know that both sliced alone and Sandra Bullock have gone on the record saying, no, this is how it was supposed to work. I think it's all post-facto bullshit, but it has been officially addressed. Early. My theory, the one I found online that I found most convincing is they are the controls

for a bidet system. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Damn it. Okay. Mine's dumb then. That's not what it was. You might have the right one. I did not think that up. I think there's a way. So you know,

what's the word with the caviar? Are you quinnellet or whatever? I think it's like that. That's the worst image you've ever put in my head. I feel like I don't know why that makes you. I think. I'm not a fancier enough to know special caviar words. Joke veto. No, no, there's three foodies who got that joke and they hate you as much as I do because they know that Quinell is when you take two spoons and you take the caviar and you make it into a little lump. And that's what you're talking about doing with the boomerley shell. I feel like it and then the third one is to, you put the two that you used in it. It's

just a holder. It's like, you know, the spoon holder next to the stove. I think that one's for the scraping of what can't get quenelled. And then you pick up and then you pick up. I feel like it's a cleanup. Yeah. Okay. That works, that works too. Yeah. That's, I believe the official explanation of how to wipe your ass with. Wait, they, they say quennell in that. No, I know. I know. I'm, I'm encountering that for the first time just, just now to be fair, if sliced

alone says the word quennell, he has to go back to his home dimension. So he avoids it. So. But yeah, glad we can add a little more commentary to that topic. As Eli said, it really hasn't had enough commentary yet. So okay, so then we move on to another Sandra Bullock info dump where they explain that everybody has microchips in them except for Wesley Snipes. Yeah.

Yeah. And it was just like, well, this is fascism because he's mad that he has a chip that can locate him in the future. And I was just like, fuck, this is, okay, this is aism because he's mad that he has a chip that can locate him in the future. And I was just like, fuck, this is, okay, this is a documentary for Libertarian needs. They're watching this now in 2021 and they're like, see, it nailed everything. And it was in the vaccine. I love he says at this point, he's like, well, why don't you just shove a leash up my ass? And I'm like, how would that help?

What would the leash be hooked to? I'm your ass. Hold on. Is there an anchor in there? And I'm like, how would that help? What would the Lich P hook to? Up your ass. Hold it. Get shut. Is there an anchor in me? So you got to shove part of the Lich up my ass and hold the other part. But even then, if he stops clenching at any moment in a moment, you're getting shit up. Your ass is covered in shit, man.

Did you wipe? What happened there? Did you get to put in no you got to quit nailing with them? Do you try to use five hostets to wipe up your 36 year shift from scene before? Oh, our next vacation, I'm just hearing Keith on the phone trying to convince the guy to get the microchip in it. Dude, you have to use the three shells, man. I gotta get back in the use the three shells, man, I gotta get back to you. Don't just walk around with your butt full of poop. Come on. It's 11 p.m.

Dennis Leary's just got shit on. That's his act now. It's just shit everywhere. This is freedom, it's basic freedoms. Always spend his act. Smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Okay, and this is where they figure out that

in order to get a gun, Wesley Snipes is going to have to go to the museum. And I just want to point one thing out. When they say that, the boss guy is like, it's in maximum security. Just pin in that. Yeah. When we get to the scene of the museum. Yeah.

Also, the museums keep like a big store of live bullets. Right next to the museum. Yeah, also museums keep like a big store of live bullets right next to Hammond. The dogs gunpowder in the guns. Yeah, a lot of, a lot of ammunition that you wouldn't think they'd need. But we go to this museum now. I will warn you ahead of time. I have the fucking word brilliant in my notes like eight times during this scene. This is one of the all time great 90s movie bullshit silly action sequences like ever. Like it I guess all time and ever kind of imply the same thing, but this is a phenomenal fucking fight. Right.

And I have to warn you that what Noah is referring to is not the racist scenes Wesley Snipes opens this. Yeah. It's rough. I need to say that so I can still feed my baby. Pretty problematic at the beginning. Talking about the cannon. Yeah. No. So yeah, but he's in the hall of violence in the museum. Where they show off all the guns and shit. Oh, we have to cut back to sliced alone so he can have his whole I'll drive moment. Yeah, but he can't because he does cars to fancy. Yeah. And again, they predicted a Tesla that you'd need to push to buttons on the screen to open the glove box, you know, they get they got it. Man, there you go. There you go. And this is also where we introduced and you guys have to admit that this is fucking brilliant.

The fact that all the music in the future is advertising jingles. Yep. It's just great. It's just great. That's good shit. And they're singing along to it. It's really good. Because the critical race theory we don't like in 2032. If you add that, I enjoyed it, though. And sure. But yeah, so he gets a bunch of guns and then he's like, wait a minute, this is the future. This takes place in 2032. Shouldn't there be some kind of laser guns or something? And I'm like, yes, there should be as nice. So here's my problem with this scene. At one point when he's raiding the weapons, he goes, excuse me, Rambo, but Sylvester Stallone is Rambo. I just, that's very upsetting that he knows about Rambo and doesn't go like, hey, Jaspern,

do you know you look just like fucking Rambo? Yeah, I get that. I get a lot of fictional character played by Sylvester Stallone, who I'm aware of. But so they have this amazing, awesome fight scene where Wesley Snipes has to cannon this way out and they end up like falling through a glass floor and fighting in like a diorama of old LA. It's great. Great scene.

This is very awesome. Yep. This is also it probably the best worst action line in all of action movie history where fly hits Wesley snipes with the TV and and yells you're on TV you're on TV you're on TV. He swings it around by the cord. Yeah, right. That's going to work from the 90s. This is a large queue of fucking TV TV and he swings Yeah, the court so goddamn slowly because it's impossible not to and he's like you're unto the Visitor's

Yeah, it's actually the TV's on you, but it still works. When you're done with that, give that to Noah. He needs it for his old Nintendo. Yes. But ultimately though, Wesley Snipes knows that this is still act too. So he runs off even though he's got the bigger guns and shit. Yeah.

They also tried, this is where they try to do the Simon Says thing again. Oh, right, right. Yeah. And what does he say? He's like, you forgot to say Simon says like some, something that was the banter from Spalone while they're having this gunfight. Yeah, but it doesn't really, I don't think they know how Simon Says works the game. I don't know. I think Simon says works the game. I don't know

I think they're actually confused by that although I will say this the only thing I would find more entertaining than this movie is Watching 1990s so Vester Stallone and 1990s Wesley's night With the amount of cocaine that was going through their blood Get a bit of fun. Yes, please the amount of cocaine that was going through their blood. Get a fun. Yes, please. All right. So, but Wesley Snifes is running away from the action scene.

And this is where he runs into Dr. Cucto, but he can't shoot him because of his clockwork orange programming guys. Yeah. How would like he can't kill this guy. He has a gun. Mm-hmm. And he, I guess he fires it once, but like his

programming, his hip and stism programming makes him shoot wide and miss. Yeah. He can't kill this guy. Like, the pen is real blue. Exactly. What does that mean? It's like a robot cop. He can't kill somebody who works for OCP apparently. Also the guy who the little assistant dude dude assistant Bob. I think his name is mm-hmm He brings a gong with him wherever he goes, and I just want to throw this out there I admire anyone who brings a gong with them wherever they go I want to be rich enough to have a gong guy because like I don't I never use the gong right but what I feel like that's For is that when you're sick and tired of somebody you just reach over and hit the gong

Right, oh like the gong show. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Or just that drowns them out. So even if they keep talking, it doesn't matter. Oh, I want a gong guy. And I want the show time at the Apollo hook guy.

Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, they have to work in concert. Yeah. Guys, we are describing a sound board. We could all have sound boards. This is a turning point for our show. Episode three, 29 is when they took flight because that's when they all got soundboards. All right. So this is this is also where we introduce the ongoing bit that

Sandra Bullock doesn't know how to do the 90s, his, at all. She keeps getting them slightly wrong and saying that he's matched his meat and licked his ass. And can I just say coming from sliced alone, I'll lick your ass way more intimidating. Absolutely. You know what? I'm, I'm using that from now on. That, that's winning. If you're licking somebody's like, I licked his ass that means I feel like

it's a power move by me like I'm in control. That's how my cats take it. Yeah, exactly. I love it. There's also just a small moment. This is where Wesley Snipes runs off and and Dr. Cocktoe is like, oh, you guys saved my life. It's so convenient that you guys came by just as he was about to shoot me. And this is where he invites them to dinner at the Taco Bell. Yes. Yep. This was a pizza hut for the outside of the US version because people in like the UK didn't know what the fuck Taco Bell was. So it didn't make sense. Somebody actually wrote that on Facebook. They're like, I could swear it was pizza when I watched this movie on the DVD. Yeah. But it was. Not Taco Bell. Yeah. And apparently the writer has said that this was not a product placement thing. He wrote that in because he considered Taco Bell to be the nae dear of all food.

So the idea of using Taco Bell as the one restaurant in all the world at this point was just, you know, kind of a riff on bad taste and consumerism. Oh, God. This, this movie and talk of, I love to talk about too. When I was in 11, see, there's another one that I called right. I've always had to talk. No, I stand by talk about, I stand by talk about, there are still, I am a father. I am a father. And there are still nights where I'm like, you know, what later Eli, I'm sorry for this, but I am, I am going to need 17 burritos for $3.46. Yeah, exactly. Right.

And Mexican pizza. All right. Took it off the menu. Might as well get the whole five out of the way while you're there. Yeah. I would like seven handfuls of fire sauce. Well, so please. Yeah. Okay, so then we head back to the station.

So Sly can deliver a little Dr. Cocktox position starting with the whole. So let me get this straight thing, which never makes sense if you imagine that coming after everybody just explain the fucking thing that he's saying. I do want to start doing it though. Like what do you want to tell me things, especially things that would take a long time to explain, just repeating it back. Do you have momentum disease? But yes, but we learned that Dr. Cotto is the guy who like kind of set up all of the

modern society's shit that differentiates this place for the night. He's like, yeah, one guy completely defiens a decade. It's that. It's that. One man. night. You know, one guy completely defiens a decade. It's that it's that one man. Nope. It's never one. It's never that. It's never, never, never, never. No.

So yeah. And so then we get Sandra and Sly had the dinner. This is where we learned that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a ex president in this world. Yeah. This movie is a magical profit. It got so much right. Got a lot right. Wait, is a magical profit. It got so much right. Got a lot right. Got a lot right.

So there's some about Schwarzenegger that you guys know and I know. I feel like he could have taken it. He was almost president. They considered an amendment to make it possible for him to become president after he became governor California. That's true. So yeah. And then of course, I have to mention this one very quick scene.

Wesley Snipes is heading down into the sewer world where Dennis Liri lives and he's not going to do anything there. They just introduced us very quickly. But when he opens up the sewer grade, the man says, and I quote, I love that smell. It reminds me of biscuits and gravy. Oh, what? That is haunted. My fucking nightmare since 1993. Here is the thing.

Either Wesley Snipes has never had biscuits and gravy. Or at one point, Wesley Snipes was like, Hey, guys, you know that biscuits and gravy don't smell like human shit, right? And they were like, we do not know that. No, no, you want cocaine with no taxes? Get in the. It really reminds me of biscuits and gravy. All right, let's go line it up.

So anyway, so Sandra and Sly show up at the Taco Bell, jolly green giants playing at the background. Fucking brilliant. It's so good, but it's not just Jolly Green Giants. They have like a guy at a piano. Yeah, fancy bar doing Jolly. It's good. Hey, credit where credit's due. That's fucking great.

That's a great bit. By the way, according to the IMDV trivia, the rock dress that Sandra is wearing throughout this scene weighed like 40 pounds. Wow. Yeah. Also, I just want to point out that they do like the meal and it's supposed to look gross, but it very much looks like a meal. Heath and I would wait online for six hours.

Yeah. Sure, I'm sure. Yeah. Another prediction that came through. I actually wrote my notes. That deconstructed taco looks really good. It did. So, yeah, so they eat fancy-s food for a little while while we do yet more info. constructed taco looks really good. It did.

So yes, so they eat fancy S food for a little while while we do yet more info dump. Yeah, right. But then just as they're getting to the tension part of the info dump where sliced the loan is like, I was awake while I was quiet and exquisite frozen, which I have so many, like I could fill the rest of our podcast with just the implications and questions about this consciousness for 36 years. But then Dennis Leary and the mole people come out and start to steal. Right.

They're like, this scene was getting boring. We figure we should attack it, do some action or something. Okay. Yeah. Again, this guy, cocktail, he fixed the cesspool of hate and suffering in this world piece and there's no murder. And still on his like, don't trim, libertarian. That's the argument back.

And then he adds that he had nightmares and ice. And it's just like, all right, well, we'll fix the nightmare and the ice thing. That's not really a big component of the world peace so much. Yeah, they're really focused on that. Well, it seems like the message that I was getting from that is that they're ignoring the problems and pretending that they don't exist with their, with their paradise. I'm sure there were murders in the sewer, for the sewer people in. Yeah.

We're just not counting. Libertarians kill each other there just, you know, well, yeah, no, I'm with you. Some Mad Max libertarian thunder dome shit would be, would be fun. So yeah, but, but they, you know, of course, Sly has to jump into action and beat up all of the starving Mad Max extras. Yeah, I wrote my notes. You beat those starving people to death. Yeah.

And he describes it like he has a cop instinct here because he's a 90s cop who like picks out stuff like this. This instinct is gone now. His instinct is based on seeing a guy ride, ride along in our motorcycle, which is illegal now. And there's no gasoline. Right. And he's got katana swords on his back and spike shoulder pads. Yeah. You know, something about this doesn't seem like that bad guy with his 90s cop instincts. Only one man can sniff out that bad guy. Fuck you. I got a hunch. Yeah, but he kicks all of their asses and then he's like, hey, wait a minute, weren't they just trying to steal food and and Dr. Koch was like,

yeah, but they were gross and poor. So the libertarians. Great job. Right. But it is gross and stupid though. Like they could live in paradise if they just gave up guns and naughty words. They'd be fine. They wouldn't be starving. They'd be great. Yeah. Get the vaccine assholes or die in the sewer. You know what? I don't care, but you have to do one of those two things. place after the big date. And there's this great moment where like the movie seems to be trying to get ahead of our jokes by pointing out what a one-dimensional trope sliced alone's character is. Right. And he's like, no, I'm not that trope. I'm a different trope.

There are three tropes I do. Thank you very much. And she's like, do you want me to help you find your daughter? And he's like, no, we cut that part from the movie. You're my daughter now. Yeah. Like he doesn't even want to know if she's okay. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So again, the cutting room floor, but yeah, it makes it pretty fucking awkward. Yeah. He also makes physical contact with her hand at one point during their driving and she reaches to like type something into her cop computer to maybe find the daughter

and he's like, no, no, it's fine, but he touches her hand and she has, you know, an orgasm because she's been physically touched by Sylvester Stallone and that's happened in this future really. Honestly, I'm okay with that though. Like let's have no physical contact without a good deal of red tape Like that's fine. That's the new rule. Great. Let's have that. I think I know I've pointed this out in other reviews I think we don't give the actresses of the 80 enough credit for Pretending to be attracted to Sebastian alone. Yeah, like no, that's fair. What a monumental technique must have been required for Sandra Bullock not to be like, I mean, yummers. Yum loves.

Good. Ostraps. It's like the roughest sandpaper you could buy outside of Home Depot. That inside. On sale, it's irregular sandpaper. So and then, of course, there was apparently a minimum number of minutes of screen time that Wesley Snipes demanded. So we get this incredibly useless scene of him over at Dr. Cocktoe's place, explaining that he needs them to throw him out some accomplices. These accomplices will never factor into the movie. Well, they will turn out to be the teensy wean sea flaw

in Dr. Cockto's plan. But there's that. Yeah, but also, but he could just use regularly. He could just go get people from the sewers and have the same thing. Yep. Also, are we saying that at some point, because this movie takes place over a two day period,

the future part, are we saying that at some point in the night he stopped to make himself tire armor? Obviously. That's what he went into the sewer to do to get some of those tire arm. Clearly. There is a large stash of shoulder pads that they had, I think that's just like what you made. When you, when you start a sewer colony, what are the first things you need? You're going to need shoulder pads. Like you shoulder pads made of tires, right? I mean, that makes sense. You want to make sure your shoulders have good traction. So, so we wrap that scene up.

We go back to Sandra and Sly, and there's this great moment where she proposes sex like somebody in an atheist convention, gearing up to ask you for a selfie. Oh, see, I wrote Sandra Bullock proposes sex like he does. So yeah, I get it. And yes, two ways to say the same thing. In fairness, I did literally write him. I know it's okay. This is how it should go. You say, let's have sex now. You the woman to me,

say that. And it's clear. What's happening? Explain why helmets. And then we get, we get the comments. We fill out some forms and red tape and it's good to go. Yeah, right, right. He's like, yeah, no, I could go for some fuck. And so she goes and she gets this, I guess, BR headset fuck gear stuff. Yep. Which sounds great. Yeah.

It does. But then they show it to us. Not as great. Yeah. Apparently the problem with sex was that there wasn't enough seizure triggers. Yeah, it's not scary. Yeah, it's not really. It's me going to a good pop scare. It gets me juices flowing. Nothing. A little oculus nightmare. Love that. You know, remember the ring? I like when the, you know, somebody pops out of the TV at me.

I don't like the implication though here is that they just both get to sit there and orgasm like without having to move and that sounds great. That sounds pretty tight. Yeah, also. Yeah. It's just a personal note. So I have Caesar trigger warnings on my iPad because one of the side effects of one of my meds

is you can give you seizures. So I didn't realize that you could just like turn that out. So I turn it on my iPad. So I was watching this movie on Amazon Prime and then the scene started to happen. And my iPad was like, you should stop watching this fucking movie. And I was like, I pad, I know. I know. Because it's meant for people with epilepsy, right?

Like, right. Who can't see like a bunch of like, but if the iPad was like, hey, man, it doesn't hold up as much as you think with Dennis Leary. It's really problematic. But so, and, but then of course he decides, for a minute he's into it,

but then he decides he doesn't want to do VR fuck stuff. So he rips out the helmet and he's like, no, I want to put my penis in you and she reacts the way any woman should when sliced alone proposes that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Also, she's like, no, because fluid exchange gave us AIDS and then after AIDS, there was this and after that, there was this and after that. And I know the movie is trying to pitch us like a bad future, but their point is AIDS is worth the hunk of chunk. Yep. Honestly, the point of the 90s is AIDS is worth the hunk of chunk. Yeah,

no, that's fair. That's fair. Hunk of chunk. By the way, is the phrase this movie uses? Eli didn't just come up with that one. No, that's sliced alone's term. We'll use it from now on. Well, I have to describe sex. We'll use it when teaching my son about sex. Yes. Slice the loan, improvise a, you've been some for sex. Hunk good.

Don't say chunk good. Shunka. The fact that sex with Slice the loan is either hunk like or junk like is the second worst image that's been in my head today. And the first worst was poop in sea shells. So caviar. All right. So yeah, she kicks him out for one to put his penis in her and he goes down to his apartment, which is in the same building apparently. He sits down and there's just this random Probably the most random boob shot in all of the 90s Right with this topless girl calls him. She's like, oh wrong number, but I had to call you otherwise there'd be no boobs in why?

Why did the movies need boobs no illusions? What law was passed? Because we didn't have the internet back then, man. You had to pause something and anyways, you don't know, man, you don't know the fucking structure. We had dial-up and we'd like to do it. Both directions, something. Put the toaster on its side. Come on, man. But of course, this is where you see the video surveillance footage of Wesley Snipes

being unable to shoot Dr. Cocktoe. And so he knows something's up. Oh, yeah. He's watching this video and he's like, in his head, it looks like a cryogenic kipitism to make it so Phoenix isn't physically capable of it's something like that. Yeah. Stallone acted that silently with his face.

That's how crazy he is. All right, well, I'll tell you what, this movie's about to take the fuck off and when it does there'll be no stopping it. So if we want another break, this is the best time to take it. First though, I have to give act to be the hard sell. Will Eli and Heath find anything wrong with this movie? Will they have to continue to pretend it's about libertarianism and critical race theory to make their bits work? Why am I even on this episode? Find out the answers to two of these questions and more when we return for the white knuckle conclusion of Demolition Man. Hi podcast listener, you know, we've had a lot of fun today with Demolition man's three

seashells, but did you know that you might be taking care of your butthole in a manner as dated and sliced the loans politics? That's why there's the Hello Tushibide. It cleans your butt way better than wiping, cut your toilet paper used down by 80% saves trees and all the thousands of gallons of water used to convert them into toilet paper and it comes with a book full of poop jokes. I got Eli a bidet for Christmas last year and it was so great. I got a bidet for my sister last year. I'm never going back. Hello Tushia, Tagesia existing toilet. There's no electrician or plumber needed and it installs in less than eight

minutes. Give the gift of a clean bum to yourself or your loved ones this holiday season and get 10% off plus free shipping right now at hellotushy.com slash awful. That's hellotushy.com slash awful for 10% off and free shipping. Hello Tushy, because we don't have the three shells yet, but we do have these. So, uh, you're a good friendly. That's right. And they don't like me so much at top, you know what I mean? I believe in a little thing called freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I want to choose between the bacon cheese fries and the double steak burger

with extra mayo. I want to make my own decisions about agreed upon medical treatments and scientific truths. I want everything to go through my own personal lens of truth, right and wrong for anything that doesn't fit within that worldview to be instantly rejected. I don't know. I want to shrink my worldview down. So fucking small that saying I have my head up my ass would be an insult to the granularity of my worldview.

I want to destroy society and culture and the concept of the internet. I want to do it in the name of a freedom that is a losory at best. I fucking for America. None of us are vaccinated. And we're back for still more of this cinematic masterpiece and we're going to rejoin our heroes the following morning where Sly is apologizing for both trying to have sex with her and trying not to have sex with her. It's a weird morning. It's confusing. It's a sorry I tried to come

inside you sweater, you know. Yeah well right he makes her a sweater. Yeah. Which is interesting. I googled it. According to Google it takes about 21 hours to knit a sweater. So, which is interesting. I googled it. According to Google, it takes about 21 hours to knit a sweater. So he was speed knitting clearly. And this is where we learned that he knows how to knit because his programming when he was in the cryo freeze was knitting. That was his rehab program. Yeah. Yeah. The computer like just studied his DNA and saw that he had the DNA of a knitter. Yeah. By the way, I just want to throw out there that at some point later, they will unfreeze all the bad guys. And this movie really wasted the opportunity for them to all come out with like weird, you know, hobby, painting minis. Yeah, but he, and of course there has to be the toxic masculinity where he's like, I can

sew that's a girly thing. Damn it. But then he thinks to check and see what it was that Simon Phoenix was being programmed to do. Well, he was cryogenically frozen. And it turns out that it was to be even more killing than he was before. I feel like you shouldn't have those skills in the database.

At all. Really? Yes. Super crime. Maybe we just don't have that one. One of them was literally urban combat kill. Yeah. I was like, yeah, okay, that was a slur and then they changed it. I think I know who they think is genetically disposed to urban combat.

Okay, but the knitting is good. That's good. If everybody who's like sliced alone in real reality, just I don't know, for like a couple days, we freeze them and we reprogram them to knit. Sure. Great. That would be amazing. We should do that. It'd be better than being sliced alone, sure. Sure. I think honestly sliced the loan would agree with you.

The end of the exploit. So yeah, but so Slian Sandra had over to Dr. Cocktoe's office to ask him about all this shit. Yeah, they confront him and they're like, you're the bad guy. He's like, well, obviously I'm the one with an exit. Yeah Queer coated guy with the exit. Yeah, he has to be the bad guy and I will be till like 2011 guys till like Say 2021 and counting I think

Also, it's just a tiny moment, but he says, I'm gonna put him in a hurtlocker. And I didn't realize that the hurtlocker was an expression. I just thought it was the name of the movie. So I was like, man, this movie is just predicting a lot of weird stuff. A hurtlocker. So yeah, but this is where Sligh also figures out that the target here is Dennis Leere's character. So he's got to go down to the sewers

and they've got to team up with him. This is also where she does another one of her, uh, Miss Malaprops, right? Where she's like, let's blow this guy. Right. He's like, oh, way. And I was like, again, let's go blow this guy is a lot more intimidating and just like, this is Lucas S, too. That's it. Leak is asked to. There's something for both of us to do then. Yeah, exactly. It's a trombone duet. Rusty.

I don't know. What is this word for? So yeah. So so they head down into the sewers. They found in sewer town and he smells some grilling meat. So Sly is very excited. I just want to throw out there. I feel like the omnipresent fire would be a bigger deal in your underground. town and he smells some grilling meat. So Sly is very excited. I just want to throw out there. I feel like the omnipresent fire would be a bigger deal in your underground sewer system. That's just me. That's me. Yeah.

A lot of barrel fires with nobody around the back. Right. Just decorative. Yeah. Do you know, just in case you want to like blow something up or you know, it's festive. It's festive. If a guard comes by and we're gonna get a tour through this city And they're just gonna get dragged to various things that dads think are important right like there's a burger and there's a car Yeah Yeah, this that car was fucking gorgeous apparently that's an olds mobile I was like what business does an olds mobile have looking at fucking awesome?

I guess there was a point in the 70s though again, the camera pans over to know. Yeah, you can still kill Dennis Liri, but that's a good thing. He's in this scene actually be very easy to do. Fun fact about another thing that is in this scene. Jack? Black. Yeah. He's an actress in this scene. Uncredited in this scene as well, yeah. And then Dennis Leary comes on. Now this is the first time we've really seen Dennis Leary, and this is where he does

his stupid fucking bit. God, it's the worst. Yeah, he starts, this was his whole goddamn act where he starts going like, I want to run and scream and naked through the streets, jerking off to a cigar or whatever the fuck he's talking about and that was this whole fucking bit. God. I was just like, all right, Dennis Leary is giving a John Gaul speech. I am out for this.

I don't know, maybe I'm going to go dance in public and come back. That would be more fun for me right now. I'm going to publicly dance. Me, he, the real person. I will go out in public and dance now. I'm gonna publicly dance me the real person. I will go out and public in dance now. I'm gonna go to the black owned coffee shop down the street challenge everyone there insists they form a circle around me. Hey man were you watching fucking Dennis Leary and yeah, I had to escape. Okay, we get it. Burn it. Okay, but I want to talk about one element of this speech because it stuck with me so

long that it literally didn't make it into my notes until like a scene later. He says he wants to run naked down the street covered in Jello reading Playboy, right? And he does that in a list of like, I want bacon cheeseburgers, but like, even in down the street covered in Jello reading playboy, right? And he does that in a list of like, I want bacon cheeseburgers, but like even in 1992, we understood why you're not supposed to read pornography, naked, and public, right? Yes, but that's not, but Jello doesn't completely unrelated. Yes, uh-huh. Okay.

He also was smoking a giant cigar or the size of like a phone booth or something. So is the movie saying we do want Dennis Leary running around naked, reading porn out there with the giant cigar in public? Yeah. The movie definitely thinks that bacon cheeseburger, giant cigar, having an erection and possibly masturbating are the same thing. I don't know. I thought this is America.

One of the talking about you could sell the libertarian thing so much better. They also, they fuck up here again. They're like, so he's mad about the vegetarianism. So he's talking about how like there's banana broccoli shakes and the options are like, okay, so you can have banana broccoli shakes or you can be like smudgy and starve to death like us. And I was like, so shakes, I mean, shakes. I would be smudgy and starve to death if those were the two options. So, I mean, you could just, you know, just have the banana shake. You could just have the banana shake was an option. Yeah, I would take that. But yeah,

but if it had broccoli in it, you'd use mud, you'd die and you'd smudge and die. I would vomit it out if I put it in me in the first place. So yeah, what would be you know, I know I, I've, I've, we've done several matrions together at this point. I, you're not lying. The man's telling you the truth, podcast listener. So he would smudgy die. Yeah, absolutely. I would smudgy die rather than go to a five star restaurant with you guys. And we're making you do that. We are making you do.

Yes, you are. God damn it. All right. Papa Jasmine pillow. So we're not going there. Good. I am absolutely. This is absolutely this is what I'm not going. All right, so you have to do it or I'll kill myself. Meanwhile, I'll smudge you kill myself. All right, so meanwhile Wesley Snipes is chatting with this thought out bad guy accomplices. Apparently they thought out a couple of hot chicks to be in the background.

So glad you pointed it. Did they unfreeze the girl groupies or did they find them? It makes the best very little sense. Yeah. Also, are they producing pretzels in the sewer now? It looks like it. It looks like it. And did they have a pretzel fight right before this at their table?

Yep. There's strewn about all over the place. They're supposed to be starving. Yeah, starving people have a lot of spare pretzels very often. Yeah. It's the way Wiley Coyote always had plenty of vegetables to put in the stew once he did capture the road runner. Yeah.

All right, because salt is illegal above ground. Oh, yeah. They didn't realize that no salt is not unhealthy for you. It's unhealthy and certain amounts. You do need salt in your fucking body. Nice. Yeah. I love the idea that they would recreate the third

worst snack food of all time underground. But I said we will get to the shower when we get to it. I want to think that everyone picks out of the checks mix and I want it now. So. Did we make graffiti machine yet? Okay. Good.

We can move on to the pretzel. Hold on, hold on. Do we have tire shoulder pads? Got a whole way. Okay. Now pretzel spine. All right. So okay.

So, but meanwhile, as they're all working out what the plot of this isn't everything, Wesley Snipes and his gun gang show up in the sewers to kill him and they do it in the tried and true method of shooting him from very far away without aiming first and yelling about their intention. Yep. Yep. To be fair, at least he didn't enter yelling. John Sparta. That's true. Yeah. Only fair to give warning. Yeah. So now, luckily though, the bar table they're sitting at is bulletproof. So slide picks it up and it by the way, it's this tiny little, you know, it's the little round up.

It's the tiny little table. His enormity of his body is sticking out on all four sides and shit. And he just slowly walks away from the bullets. Yeah. He's got like the espresso tamper and he's walks away from the bullets. Yes, he's got like the espresso tamper and he's just blocking all the bullets. Yup. So, oh, and we have to point out

that the Sissy partner cop gets knocked out at this point. That'll be important, Lane. Yeah. So Simon Phoenix gets away. This is him trying to kill sliced alone, but he gets away for some reason, because otherwise there wouldn't be a car chase. And of course, this is where we get to use the sweet ass muscle car that they've introduced into the show. They take, okay, here's the sentence that happens.

He goes, I saw an elevator shaft. So they take an elevator through the street above them through a floor in a building. Yes, which means that they went through the street above them. Through a floor in a building. Yes, which means that they went through the whole substructure, all the piping. Okay. What does the movie think happened with that elevator at the end? So here is my order of things I want to see. Slice the lone playing Simon Says with Wesley Snipes. Slice the loan explaining what an elevator is.

There you go. This movie. He's like, well, no, I saw it in Willy Wonka. It's where you can do it. I actually think I can go sideways. That's what it is. It's a walk of eight. That explains it all. Yeah. Answer. So he starts chasing Wesley Snipes. Now, he's in the old gas powered vehicle. So he can go faster than Wesley Snipes. but Wesley Snipes is in the future vehicle so that like when he shoots out his tire, he can re-inflate it. Why would future cars be slower?

Because they don't use gasoline. Yep. Great question. But they're using like something that we find out in a second is like nuclear powered, like fused helium solution. That's true, yes. We also find out here that the auto-inflate tires, those are on nuclear-powered like fused helium solutions. That's true, yes. We also find out here that the auto-inflate tires, those are on manual.

Why? I feel like that's the automatic thing. The very name auto-inflate would really get you. Yeah, you know what? Never happens. You never have to say auto-inflate, please. That's not a sentence that makes sense, but that's what they go for here. Who do they think is like, oh, a tire blow. Please keep it that way. Right. That's the essence that makes sense, but that's what they go for here.

Who do they think is like, oh, a tire blue. Please keep it that way. Right. Yeah, exactly. No, no, no, no. I have to learn. I have to learn. I have to learn.

What? So it of course, slides drive it along and he's like, hey, this is an action movie. So I have to get on top of the car, Sandra Bullock, you drive. Now in the universe of this movie, she's never driven a car that works on gasoline that has pedals or anything like that. So she's winging at this whole time. Man, I cannot express to the younger generations what percentage of movies used, but I've never driven a car before as a plot point.

So my Sandra Bullock and fucking driver, she jumps a bus like a year after this. She does, she does jump a bus with a much more handsome man beside her. Yep. All right, so there's also this great moment. He leaps on to Wesley Snipes. Well, yeah.

Also, yeah. But there's this great moment where he leaps on to Wesley Snipes' car. And because they've cut out a huge scene, whether the, with a big reveal of the fact that the hostages that sliced alone was in jail for killing were actually dead already, they cut that scene out. Right. So now they have to ADR the audio from that scene in.

You can see that Wesley Snipes is mouth is not moving here. And he just for no reason, he says, Oh, you know them, them hostages that they put you a jail for killing, I had already killed them. Haha. No reason. Was somebody also just say out loud that Sandra Bullock is not in fact the lone daughter of the panace problematic. So we just say that. I just do an A test here. You and Sandra Bullock, not genetically related. So, I'll do it. All.

And then, so he, he bails out of the car and then, and then slice the loan, smashes the car into a thing because he can't make it stop. And today at the moment where they shit on airbags? I think they were shitting on airbags. What about this makes you guys think they were shitting on them? Because he's like, it's Stallone's tone here is like,

Thank you. It is his tone. Saving my life is infantilizing me. Like this. Thank you. Thank you. I need to learn how to get smashed with that. Like, thank you.

He's being infantilized by like the lack of muscle cars and now by a safety device. There is an anti-security foam tone. Yes, absolutely. Just slice the lone's voice at the end of the scene. Two thirds of the podcast believes. Yeah, two thirds of the podcast were trying to justify the choices.

There's this movie, though. Can we not sabotage this whole episode with that? Can we just like do this show? Please, I'm converted. I have converted. You had me a Taco Bell. So, okay. So they wander off, but of course, the chief has to show up to demand his badge and gun because it's that point in the movie. Yes. And then Dennis Leary has to show up with his army of Mad Max extras so that they can team up. These guys will never,

correct me if I'm wrong, do anything, right? No. Okay. They just have to have an army of people who agree to join up with him at some point because that's in the paint by numbers. Mm-hmm, yep. And Benjamin Bratt, right?

So Lieutenant Huxley, her partner cop who got knocked out earlier, he's part of the Mold people now. Yes. Yeah. So that day he got converted to a Mold person. So apparently they smudge you that day. Right.

And then they like smudge your head up. Part of the initiation. And he's got shoulder pads. I'll say this though, I feel like that's realistic. I feel like you don't hang out with Dennis Leary for 45 minutes without getting smudgy. That's true. No, that's probably fair. Oh, and then we have to cut back over to Wesley Snipes and Dr. Cotto so that Dr. Cotto

can realize the the flaw in his plan, which is that the guys that he unfroze for Wesley Snipes can shoot him. Feel like you would have seen that coming. You took over society after a major earthquake and stopped all murder, but you didn't think of, but what about other people shooting you? Yeah. Like you could passively let the trolley run over him. Like there's all different ways to not give me kill somebody. Right.

Yeah, you could not get vaccinated. There's so many ways. But yeah, so they kill him and this is where they see sliced alone showing up. So he sends his goons out after him. Yes. And by the way, the goon does the same thing where he's got him like dead deri see leaps off of something from above and he yells on the way down. I'm like, that's just bad timing for your work right now.

Warning system. Yeah. Also, for some reason, Sandra Bullock got really good at karate in between these last two scenes. She did. Yes, it's okay though, because she spins around a lot, so it's acceptable. And also, what we're learning here is her big turning point as a character is becoming a cop who's more violent successfully.

Yes, that's a win for her. There's this great moment. She's like, I killed a man with my own hands and slides like, yep, and she's like, I'm over it now. I just for a minute there, though, that was really bothering me. No, no, you're going to get promoted. And she's like, it's not, we don't do that. Oh no, trust me, we'll always do that.

Jurassic Park? Yeah, sorry, I was going for, I was going for incredible Hulk, but I didn't have it. Oh, I didn't have it. So, okay, but then of course, fly. I didn't have it. So, okay. But then of course, Sligh has to knock her out because she's a lady and she can't be in the funtality unless she's kidnapped. Sorry, fighting and killing is man business. Yep, thanks, Adam.

On a shift, Nally. Sorry, I may be killed you with this fucking stun thing. Yeah, right. He doesn't even know how that thing works. He's just like, oh, I sure hope they wake up eventually after you hit him with these. And so, okay. So doesn't even know how that thing works. He's just like, oh, I sure hope they wake up eventually after you hit him with these And so okay, so we cut over Simon Phoenix is apparently unthwined all of the bad guys They're all gonna be part of his gang now. I love the idea that some of them are just tax cheats and shit

I Really don't even know how to buy a ragan sir One of them is Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah, I feel like he'd be a bad minion one of them is Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah, I feel like he'd be a bad minion. Yeah. You, Jeffrey, you and two other gut, you know what, why don't you go by yourself? Jeff, I need you to stop explaining to me

that this is really about the pressure from your parents and about what it is. Jeff, you know what, Jeff, just go wait in the frozen tank thing. We'll get to you, we'll have you duck down, we'll freeze you later. You're gonna die any year. I really thought you were a lot more of like a rar kind of killing you. It's fine. No, you're more of that seething. Yeah. Also, in case you're wondering

how he gets in, sliced on drives the muscle car through the door that he could have just walked through. It's not okay. It wasn't like a locked game. No. He just drove through like a curtain, super loud, smashing through for no reason in a car. A bead curtain. Yeah. Just walk in. He's hitting the horn and yelling Phoenix out of the car. Give him a countdown.

And then he gets out of the car and then Phoenix gets him with a giant mechanical claw. This was the best. It's a sneak sub on Sylvester's alone with a mechanical like a life side. A crane game. Yeah, a crane game claw large enough to pick up Sylvester's alone. Sneak sub on doesn't see that coming coming when he picked him up. I really wanted Sylvester Sloan to like slip out of it and then snacked at another dollar. And like, uh, this is bullshit. And I just caught on my legs. Kind of is what happens.

Fuck this. I love to. This is just a, this is a small bit, but I have to point this out in the background of this entire fight. They're in the like cryogenic chamber area. So there's other naked frozen people behind them. And there's one guy who's ass is frame frozen ass is framed through this entire bit. And I asked myself during this, I'm like, is that actually a naked dude that had to lay there super

still the entire time or did some prop maker have to make a passable frozen asshole? Either way, someone has an awesome story from this. They tell it every day. I feel like this is an Uncle Mark prank waiting to happen. Like Uncle Mark is going to call us. We're like, yeah, I made that asshole. So I did. They said, fill the scene. I filled the scene. But yeah, so he gets out of the crane. They fight for a little while and then Phoenix picks up the ice, detauling laser from before, which apparently has an emperor palpatine setting on it.

It does, it does have an emperor palpatine, but just for a second. Oh yeah, right, right, yeah. This is where we get the amazing, I'll see you in hell, not moment. Not. It's the high point of the film. And this is where he uses the ice

wand because there's water at their feet. He uses the ice wand and jumps. So the ice freezes Wesley Snipes, but not him. Right. It freezes everything, but only along the wave of cold as it goes. Yeah, it has to touch you. It's a flora is lava based cryogenic space tampon. I have no fucking idea. Once again, baby Noah was ready for this activity. I'll never touch the flora on it. It's lava. Throw Dennis Leary down there. This is the perfect movie. Yeah, no, my note here is like, how would even if we accept this in audience, that that's how this works. How would slide know that that's how it works?

But then he kicks Wesley Snipes freezes to death and he kicks his head off and it explodes shatters. And I'm like, you know what, I don't care. I don't care how you know. Look, I know the world has gotten better since 1992 in a lot of ways, but we're never going to say the sentence. And then after he freezes, his head gets knocked off and it explodes shatters again. That's just not the kind of movie we make.

Now, we lost that along the way. I know it's worth it. I just want to make free. I just want to. Also, if it freezes, when it touches you, why doesn't it freeze him when he kicks him in the head? Great question. Make no fuck out of the way it was passed.

Oh, well, that's only during the middle. Why would you just drop down into the middle? You just have to jump into the air for a second. Right. It's very quick. Freeze frame. So, all right. So but but and then of course, everything explodes because fuck the fuck. Yes, it does. So

it's to run out of yet another. This is the second exploding building. He said a run out of in this movie. And then we get the brief, you know, building still smoldering in the background wrap up that basically every 90s cop movie ended on yeah, where it's like Dennis Leary is gonna be in charge of society now. Well, yeah, he starts to do a little more stand-up and slide cuts him off immediately. He's like we don't have time for that shit, man. No, no. Save that for Eli to watch almost every day after school when he's in eighth and ninth place.

And then to reflect on in a really upsetting, a troubling manner. But I wanted them to show us this. I wanted Dennis Leary to take over the world, Los Angeles, whatever they were going for, and they cut to it. And it's just like libertarian mo people running around naked, reading porn out.

Right. It's like getting bored. Like they do that for a while. And then they're like, all right. You guys want showers and food? Showers and foods get some banana rock. Lechix. Yeah.

You get a taste. Why don't you get a taste for them? So I also love to that that Bob the Unic comes out of the building. He's like, Dennis Leary, I'd like to work for you now. And I like, did the writers really think what we needed a resolution for this character? What the fuck happened to Gongman? This is bullsh-

Oh, there he is. What test audience in what mall in what part of America, what clip part was covered in? Where is Bob that they were in? All right. So what do those reshoots. Okay. And then of course they go to walk off Sandra and slide go to walk off and he does the whole

like deep, dip, kiss thing. And I'm like, man, if somebody moved me that quickly and I wasn't expecting it, I would vomit on them. Yeah. Honestly, I'd lick their ass. Yeah. In the movie on kissing a woman who at least canonically is heavily implied to be your daughter. Yeah. Well, and then they have a quick three C shells call

back because let's face it, that was the part of that movie that was most likely to enter into pop culture, legend, status and and dead and dead. Speaking of which, I have this nice buffet of Crow all set out here. I figured maybe I would need it later. Any takers? Phenomenal awesome. Oh, you understand the premise. I think that's all yours. No, I think you can have all the crew. All right, I have a lot of problems in this. I feel like the audience is going to be on my side here. So that's going to do it for our. This is what tears are audience apart. We risk half a million dollars for charity. Noah's on Rogan talking about how

demilitary is gonna actually. That's it. All right, so that's gonna do it for our review of Devolution Man though. It's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to do a bad one for a change. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. We'll be doing another selection

from the happy science cult, the laws of the universe. Part zero. All right, that's more like it. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring up so 3.29 to a merciful clothes. Once again, here's nice all the Patreon donors that help make the show go.

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be sure to check out our civilly shows to skidding the ADS citation data, D&D minus and the skeptic crowd available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can name all Godoff from moviesinjmail.com. Leave a services for this podcast, or provide a bit of love as a P. Andrew Torres,

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Warner Brothers is working on Demolition Man 2. That is no. They cannot be working hard enough. Eventually, the ecstasy wore off and we realized that Rob Schneider was fucking off. Future Los Angeles went on to have a number of murders that wasn't zero in the name of freedom. Hehehe.

We should do a Rob Schneider movie for a page of those. Oh, yes, a Schneider month. God. All right. So now we get to get into the note that says, could you please not make any cocaine reference to stirring the memo? No, no, no. What's amazing is that we'll send back something that'll go like, well, we'll try and they'll

go, okay, well, that's all we need. That's all we need. No, it's a reindeer doing cocus. That's not even illegal. This is my job today. Actually, you know what? We have a formula email for this one. We already, this was the third time. Okay. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2021 all right. Reserved.