God Awful Movies - 331: An American Carol

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of An American Carol, the story of the least talented third of Abrams, Zucker, and Zucker winning a shower argument with his liberal niece. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

It is literally a fantasy burn against Michael Moore. That is not based on truth. No, right? They might as well be like, I know how it started. I bet you got a big widgey. And one time, one time after that party where all the lights went out, I met you in the parking lot. And I was like, don't make me use my super risk control karate. I knew it. You were like you will and then I did and it was so it was so good and I did control your risk. Who will be? Who will be? Who will be?

Who will be? Who will be? Welcome back to The Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because atheists don't get absolution. I'm your host, Noah Lutzins, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is a good friend, Heath Ann, right?

Heath, welcome back. Woof! Past! Past! Oh, we should just play the credits of music now, right he's welcome back. Woof. Pass. Pass. Oh, we should just play the credits music now, right? Unsubscribe. Oh, and sitting. No, I'm not replying.

Please don't unsubscribe. Please don't unsubscribe. Oh, not after this. No, you absolutely cannot bite you just out of respect for what we've been through. You have to give it at least three weeks. You have to go to Target and tackle people and subscribe them to our show after listening. And sitting 900 miles to my northeast that voice you just heard was my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fight after the answer?

Wolf, Imit, Imit, Wolf. So tell us, Ethan, what will we be breaking down today? We watched a hate crime, a literal hate crime. What's the title again, American Carol? An American Carol. We watched an American Carol. It's the story of a Republican comedian's first open mic and they did their tight five about Islam from 2008, but it's way longer than five.

Yeah, yes, it's so long. They're tight 89 or whatever. Yeah. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you've been laboring under the delusion that Trumpism was a new low, and you needed a 13 year old reminder that this has always been their game plan and platform. You will get super depressed while watching this movie. Yeah. Yeah. And of course, like this movie, like might take the crown for the, oh, not him's right. Starting with

his director, David Zucker of Abrams Zucker and Zucker fame. I love their plane. I love believe squad. I do to flee ignored top secret guys. But look, one of these people went on to direct ghost. One went on to direct hot shots and hot shots part do and the other one on to direct this. I wonder where the talent was. and the other one under direct this, I wonder where the talent was. See. Oh. All right.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst bad prophecy, not working out for them. The movie so many times says something is definitely like this crazy. This is not going to happen.

The Republican party won't be this ever. And then all of them happen. All of them right away happen. And the other way too is like, oh, you know, it's only a matter of years before this happens. And of course, nothing like that ever happened. Yeah.

Not once. Over and over again. Just the future. Just punch in the movie in the dick every time. Yeah. Yeah, right. So I was gonna go with best worst shitting on your own joke. So the thing about this movie is it's political messages so overt and so offensive and so stupid that it's easy to lose track of just how criminally unbundly it is.

Right? Like on the rare occasion that this movie happens upon a funny setup, which it does a couple of times, it will immediately shit all over it or else have no idea what to do and then panic cut before it gets to a punchline. It's like, do you know that scene in like a scary show or like a primetime drama where the racist makes a racist joke to someone to indicate that they're going to hurt them. And you're like, oh, no, I don't want to watch this movie. It that's like that joke, the movie.

That's what this way. This movie is just like guys backing someone into a corner of an alley on HBO, the movie. Yeah, except you're the victim. Yeah, except it's me, right. It's me and my eyeballs. And I'm going to go for it here, gentlemen. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm going to go for worst, worst movie. This is the least enjoyable thing we have ever watched. You know, it's, I don't know, I'm going to go that far with it, but it's definitely on the list, right? If we're listing the worst ones, if we're doing given our top 10 or whatever, this definitely

makes the list. This was downright unpleasant from start to finish, right? Because some of the bad stuff we watch, at least it's bad good. Yeah, this is bad, bad, every conceivable second of it, right? It's bad, bad. Right. But also it's like, it's not bad enough Right, well, and, but also it's like, it's not bad enough to have, you know,

silly, funny lighting and everything, or like not knowing where to put the camera shit, like we so often encounter, right? These are actual filmmakers who know how to make a film, but may this instead? Jesus. So bizarre. All right, well, we've got to make funny

out of ingredients that are pretty much antithetical to that. So we're going to pause to think this over, but we'll be back in a flash with all the under the breath racist grumblings that are an American carol. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey podcast listener, you know, here on God Awful Movies, we like to make our ads fun little skits songs or wacky shenanigans because let's face it, podcast ads can be boring. But once in a while we have a sponsor who we like to just look you straight in the eye. Well, the ear we we talk you straight in the ear and recommend our sponsor. And this week that's better help. Look, the holidays

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Visit betterhelp.com slash awful. That's better H-E-L-P and join the over two million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. And hey, even if you don't use better help, be good to yourself, okay? I'm glad you're here. All right, everyone. I don't mind saying it, but I think we've put together the best ding dang writing team you get asked for to show old Michael moron a thing or two. Moron

is his name. Got him. I sure did. His name's different than that. Alright, so introductions. This is Adolf Hitler. Hired me, everyone. Hi, of course. This is Satan, Prince of Darkness. What up? People who read an answer text while you're talking to them, I'm very glad you could make it. Yeah, one second.

Just L-O-L-U-Bitch. What, what did you say? And of course, the very concept of losing a child. This dude flew in to be here so very grateful for you. Hey, everybody. Yeah. Glad to be here. So, very grateful for you. Hey everybody, yeah, glad to be here. All right, so why don't we just yell all our gripes about modernity into this jar,

put a couple of drops of orphan blood in there and come back tomorrow morning and see what kind of movie we made. Sounds good. It's toad, toad, toad, toad. Octavoons. You have to wait for me to say go. Oh, sorry.

Octavoons. Oh. Ha, ha, ha, sorry. Octavruins. Oh. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're gonna start off with me getting mad at a logo for having the Brooklyn bridge in it. You guys don't get into York shit. Yeah, this is like the fact that all the Fox News anchors live on Central Park West.

Like they need, no, this is not for you. Right. Yeah, exactly. Do they? Yeah, all of them. And they constantly talk about how their neighbors on air and you're like, get the fuck out of my city. Go live in the real America, you garbage. Yeah, right. I mean, some good stuff happened on Central

Park West that could work out with the. I was reencatchering the the ride. Yeah. So the movie opens with a little later and skinned. The band so red necky, it's spelled with a twang. And also, yeah, this is sweet home Alabama. And I wrote in my notes, I yes, the real America with not a person of color in sight. And then the moment I wrote that the one person of color in this picnic scene gets hit in the face with a frisbee. Yeah. And it, okay, so normally somebody gets hit in the face with a frisbee, that's just objectively

funny. That's a funny thing to happen in real reality, just that's a physically funny thing. Oh, yeah. This happens not funnily. They don't, they, they fuck up a naturally funny thing somehow. Well, and we should point out the movie is filled with not funny slapstick, right? What's really interesting is when you realize that this is the zucker, right? This is one of the guys who made airplane.

It's like they used the same spices as airplane, but they did lines of them instead of putting them in food. Yep. If you told me like, we made an AI, watch all the airplane movies and also one Hitler speech that was on the end of the VHS by accident. This would be the result. Yeah, so we're at a, we're at a big fourth of July, cook out and, and Leslie Nielsen is the grandpa. That's sad. God. And so he goes over to the table where all the kids are, he brings him burgers.

The burgers aren't very tasty, humor, humor. We'll just insert the tag humor to make it clear. Exactly. The movie should have given us a little hint. I was gonna say, I wish the movie had done that. Just like had someone in the corner holding up and pull the ball. Exactly. Well, yeah, if ever a fucking cinematic feature could have benefited from a laugh track,

this is the one. But the kids don't like his burgers, but they love his story. So they want him to tell them a story. So he decides to tell him a story about the scrooge of the fourth of July, which is such a crazy conceit for a movie, right? Like if you wanted to a screwed story, set it at Christmas. Yeah, no, that would have been helpful. This movie's visionary.

They throw it, they throw that whole concept on its ear and it twisted up opposite end of the year and everything. Genius take on Dickens. If we did a July 4th acular movie, this would have been the film, but, you know, we decided to put it here instead. So yeah, and also small thing, but this movie has the worst audio editing that I've ever encountered in a movie that had real actress in it. Yes, that's the small thing. What happens here? What happens here is terrifying. I was scared. I'm watching

him. What Leslie Nielsen says, well, uh, to begin his story. And then a second later, they do ADR. And he's like, it's like, well, uh, the story begins on a mountain top. What did he get wrong on? Uh, he did a wrong. It's, it's like he just yelled a bunch of racial slurs or something in this and that they had to pull. I don't know. It's like, I've never heard something this bad in podcasting. Yeah. Yeah.

If I died midway through this record and Noah and he needed to finish the episode by doing like a weird anti-Semitic impersonation of me for the remaining 26 minutes. I'm Eli. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to that. Yep. The story begins with some terrorists in Afghanistan, and it's just going to get more racist from there, guys. Just strap in. We know we're going to Afghanistan because there's a gong here.

Yeah. Gong, culturally, in the music of Afghanistan, those are corresponding. It's like someone made a comedy movie out of what your uncle Frank mumbles under his breath at the Thanksgiving kids table. He's been banished too. Ah, that, that's it. That's what it was. It's not, it's not the comedian. It's, it's, it's uncle Frank at Thanksgiving. It's mumbling. Yeah. Maybe he did it. Maybe he did an open mic, but it's that. Yes. Tim getting ready for the open mic. he'll never have the courage to do. I would pay to go to Uncle Frank's open mic and just be like, boo, boo.

So, and of course, just to give you an idea how racist this movie is going to be in its jokes, the first bit that it does is that all the terrorists are named Muhammad, because you know how those people are all named Mohammed, right? No. Last names are all who's saying that's the level of humor that we're opening the movie with really. And it's a seven minute long joke too. Yeah.

And then like seven minutes after this movie, Barack Hussein Obama got elected president and they were. Yes. So mad. Yeah. Yeah. So mad. Everybody who made this. If there's a saving grace to this film, it's how sad everyone was in November of that year. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Moments later. Yeah. So, but they've got this, they're going to do a little

stick about suicide bombing. Now, I'm not, I'm not even going to say that you can't make suicide bombing funny. I'm, I'm going to say that they can't. Yeah. Right. They are going for rubber chicken-esque humor about suicide bombing. Okay. If there was a rubber chicken, this would have been way funnier. I was seeing that.

That's a weird way to describe it. Yes. I would say suicide bombing is object, it's like a frisbee thing. They fuck up another frisbee thing here. That's just great material potential. Get a rubber chicken, man. But now we should point out that like the conceit of this joke and indeed this entire movie is that what the US is doing in Afghanistan sure will be good ultimately for the African, the people of Afghanistan, the common people sure their lives sure will be improved because

of the US occupation. American policy with regards to Afghanistan will never be problematic. That's right. This is the first of many. There will not be a single proven bad idea that this movie doesn't defend. I mean, stop and frisk, racial profiling, homophobia. Like they, at a certain point, they might as well be like a pro-alchemy skit in the middle of this thing. What do you guys think about Euclidean geometry? Are we serious about that? Are we doing, are we all really on board with that? Well, and just in case the audience was going, oh, man, our Middle Eastern people, the only ones we're going to be racist against. We have the caricature of Mexican immigrants drive by a company by the like Mary Archiband

sound effect. Yep. Yeah. I'm surprised they didn't have a gong for that too. It's foreign. It's different. It's different. Gong means not America. We all know gong is not America.

It's not Leonard Skinnerd. I hit the dog. Yeah. And they also do gay marriage here for a second, but they don't do anything with it. When I say do, that's real. That's a bad, using a verb doesn't make sense. They just said they're like, gay marriage is nailed it. Boating.

Mexican immigrants. They drive by and done with it. It's just Republicans listing setups, but they never do a joke. Right. They just say a topic, panic cut away. Yeah. And then the panic cut away. Exactly.

I hesitate to use the word interesting about this movie. But one of the things that is interesting about this movie is to see the political topics that they're brave enough to make jokes about and the political topics that they just mumble under their breath so that you know what they, right? So they're not like gay marriages bad. They're just like gay marriage. And so that your uncle at home can be like, hey, guysays, I don't like them. Yep. Yes, exactly. But so we cut to them like the main terrorist and his two lackeys are at a restaurant talking about how, you know, their job as terrorists has gotten so hard because the people of Afghanistan

have welcomed the Americans with open arms so much and love our presence there. Oh no, it's too great for us here in Afghanistan. What will we terrorists do? Yeah, but they realized that the key to their problems is that they need a new terrorist training video. And then we cut to the old video, right? That's the next bit. They have like this goofis and galant terrorism thing

where we learn that they think that the rule of threes is just to tell us to joke three times in case we didn't get it the first two. Yeah, there's not the rule of thrice, guys. That's the truth. That's the same thing now, thrice. That's fun. Also, it's okay. This feels weird, but they show us this video. And yeah, it's the cool thing now, Bryce. That's fun. Also, it's okay. This feels weird, but they show us

this video. And yeah, it's the, the cool thing and they show us two different types of guy. One, one guy is like the bad suicide bomber who does things not organized and the other one is the good one. And then they show them in three different scenarios. How is the same guy can't be in multiple suicide bombings to it would I feel weird. It's like a weird note to give, you know, the continuity editing of the training video for suicide bombing in this horrible fucking movie, but it doesn't even make sense. It doesn't even make sense. The plot makes no sense here. Well, but this is a great example of my best words, right? Because the first time you

see it, it's actually kind of funny, right? They're like, you know, so and so, the good terrorists shows up on time for his suicide bombing and to show some go inside a building and it blows up. And he's like, but the bad terrorists doesn't show, you know, doesn't check his clock and they show him like walking up to the place and he goes, Oh, shit, and explodes. That actually kind of works, you know, in the stupid universe of who they're trying to make a movie for, but then they do the exact same fucking joke two more so they have to shit all over it. Yep. It's like it's the rule. It's like the kid who fell in the pool and everyone laughed at him throwing himself into the pool for the rest of the party in the hope he's gonna get laughs again.

Okay, I'd laugh at that kid eventually, though. They don't get me to laugh. Yeah, that's right, right? And it's like a worse- They do that version of that. And a racist version as well. They do that, but they don't fully commit to it and racist.

Yes. All of my metaphors are gonna fail us for it. Yeah, this is not metaphor- Yeah, this movie is like this movie. All right, so now we're gonna, we're gonna meet our main character here. This is their Michael Moore. Look, like I just, they have, he's Michael Malone in the movie. I just wrote him in his Michael Moore and my notes throughout.

Yeah, I don't know why they bothered. God, this is Chris Farley's brother. Yeah, it's Kevin Farley. It's so fucking sad. Hey, let's have a little positivity, huh? A little positivity, brighten up this review. Thank God Chris died in the Christmas. This fucking literally wrote glad Chris died.

Let's take a moment to appreciate heroin and cocaine mixed together. That was that that the worst of his legacy is Beverly Hills, Ninja. Yeah. There's the other side of that speedball coin is this. Yep. All right. So he's in the, the Michael Moore character though, his, he's in Cuba. They're, they're doing a send up of the scene from Sikko where he takes the Americans to

Cuba to get medical care because they can't afford it in the US. And the joke here is that, you know, Cuba is an awesome because our decades long humanity list blockade, turned it into a hellhole for generations of innocent people. Right. Get it? Nailed it. Also bad breath. That's funny.

I think we can all agree that Michael Moore crossed a pretty serious line when he suggested that sick people should be taken care of, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Let's, let's dedicate a full 90 minutes to bashing someone who wants sick people to be well. For that, for the acid. Yeah. The point they're making here is that like, okay, well, Cuba's got, you know, universal

healthcare, but look at this line of 10 people you would need to wait in together. Yes. Free medicine. That, that sucks. In their exaggerated airplane comedy hellscape, they have not come up with something worse than the actual system. Yeah. Right. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. No kidding. Well, and then they try to like so like the Michael Moore character goes to leave and then everybody tries to get on the boat with him because they all want to go to America. And the joke here is supposed to be, oh, if Cuba is so good, why would they all want to go to America? And it's like they would rather live in the oppressor nation than the oppressed one

is enough. Pretty simple. Right. Also, if we're talking about medicine, people literally drove to Canada to get medicine and then bring it back to the US. What the fuck are you talking about? That's what actually happened now. I actually had to price going down to Mexico to have my fucking dental work done.

Jesus. Would have been about the same price to go down and have it done and come back as it was to just have it done here. If the empire is so bad, where did they get all those stormtroopers? Perhaps we didn't hear both sides of the story. Oh, and this is also, I love this little bit because it's a recurring thing throughout the movie. The grandpa V. O. cuts in at this point and introduces it for the first time, but they keep pointing out that nobody really likes Michael Moore's movies. They just pretend to or whatever they're trying to say. I just I want to point out Fahrenheit 911 is the top grossing documentary of all time by more than 50% over the next highest one. Yep. So just

every time they make a joke about how nobody likes his movies, just keep that one in mind. And I will point out that if this movie has a through line, it is more and more pathetic actors shitting on documentaries. Yep. Right. By the end of it, it might as well be a crying me outside my failed book of Mormon audition like wiping the tears and it's not for my face to say, well, at least I'm not a documentary and sorry, I am not the peak of that joke.

The peak of that joke is Kevin Sorbel. That's much. Yeah, actually, yeah, right. The podcast. Fuck. I have a podcast so much better than this movie. And there's also, there's also this thing, and it originates in this scene where they have a child call him fat

Oh, yeah, and they'll just have random characters call him fat and if I can peel back the curtain ever so slightly My fourth least favorite kind of audience feedback we get is because of a charity fundraiser And some of you will know about it that we do Hover will carry for charity where we do roast jokes about people that they send in. And so my fourth least favorite kind of audience feedback is sometimes people will tweet or Facebook message or even email me a roast back because we were having a conversation

and I have to usually nicely write them back and explain that even though I was in their ears, I am doing jokes on a comedy show. They just wrote insults to a stranger. Right. Yeah. Everyone who had ever made that mistake and sent me a personalized roast email got together. They would write the insults for Michael Moore in this film.

Like 90% of the time in the writer's room of this movie was spent saying and then he could get kicked to the nuts and somebody can call him fat again. Yeah, fat. And then 19 minutes of high fives. Right. Yes. Well, yeah, exactly. Most of the time was high fives following those suggestions.

If you told me that this movie was just Tucker Carlson's shower fights transcribed. It makes a lot more sense. Right. So we cut to the opening night of his Cuba movie and everybody's really excited, but they hate it. There's this weird dichotomy of everybody going to his movies, but nobody watching them or something that they're trying to do here. I guess everybody slept through his movie.

You see, not it didn't really keep your attention like this masterpiece that we're watching. But this is also where we learn that Michael Moore wants to abolish the fourth of July. That's a way, they think stupid liberals wanna abolish a day. Right, we're just gonna skip straight from the third to the fifth. I wanna do that now for spite.

Absolutely, two votes. I actually do it. So yeah, with John, I would like to the fifth. I want to do that now for spite. Absolutely, two votes. I actually do it. So yeah, withdrawn, I would like to do that. Let's abolish the fucking fourth of July. I'm actually behind that now. You know what? Let's give that data February. Yeah, right?

Yeah, absolutely. If it would upset the people who made this movie, I for it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. All right, so we cut over to Michael Moore's abolished the fourth of July headquarters. And this is where the movie starts shitting

on the concept of peace demonstrations. Yup, peace demonstrations, they are anti, they will spend a significant percentage of this movie being like, people who want social change are gay. Yeah, some of them. So to be clear, the movie has come out now as anti-peace. Yep. Okay, so, and then we have the misgendering joke

because that's super funny. Classic, have gay, soldiers joke. Yep, yep. And this is where we introduce this, God Jesus, he's so barely a character because this movie is so poorly thought out. We introduce Michael Moore's nephew, Josh, who is a sailor who's shipping out to Afghanistan

the next morning. But before he does, he invites him to his barbecue, just like the Charles Dickens story. Yes. Yeah, yeah, Josh wants him to come to his July 4th celebration. He's like, but I'm trying to abolish July 4th and make it skip straight to the 5th. And he's like, all right, but for the record, your hero, John F Kennedy would be on my side of this argument.

Right. Woody. Woody. My favorite part of this scene though that I have to mention is the tray adkins plug. A trace adkins. Yeah. A lot of adkins. Right. So he's like, yeah, there's going to be a big trace adkins. It's concert and miraculously this movie will actually settle on.

Yeah, trace adkins, fucking sucks and so does country music. But this is where they have that like, maybe you haven't heard of Trace Atkins, the very good musician who lots of people like. Okay. Seriously? I wrote my notes like, okay, but am I supposed to know who Trace Atkins is? Is he famous?

Is that, is he actually a famous country music? Oh yeah, if you're a country music fan, you know who Trace Atkins is. If you're a shitty country music fan, you're not, you're not like, well, like, yeah, not like the country music fan. You know who Trace Edkins says. If you're a shitty country music fan, you're not, you're not like, yeah, not like the country music, like that Anna listens to, that's actually good. No, no, if you're, if you're a fan of pop country, you've heard of Trace Ed. If you listen to mainstream country on the radio on your dial in your car, exact.

Okay. All right, guys, I have prepared a mid podcast pop quiz for you. Are you ready? No. No. No, soldier, just fishing. Hunky, talk, but don't, don't. Yeah, that's 100% a real song. I'm actually wearing it.

You don't have the creativity to come up with. Or brown chicken brown cow. Those are all Trace Ed. Okay, I feel like, yeah, I feel like you're trying to trick us with brown chicken brown cow. Like that's something you said, like hats, but it's actually, he was like brown chicken brown cow. And if it's song, hats, but it's actually he was like brown chicken brown cow. And if it's song, it's all in my bed.

That's all of them. You guys both got it. I'm sorry to change the format of our show. No, no, I get it. I said it was worth it was worth going after. And oh, and to underscore the brilliant parallels that they're doing to a Christmas carol Michael Moore at this point asks how his little nephew Timmy is doing. Oh, Tony Tim.

Timmy. There you go. Yeah. Timmy has crutch, right? Yeah, he'll have a crutch later. But the beautiful thing about this movie is they don't heal Timmy because this movie is against people getting help. So this movie, we'll get to it, but this movie ends with Timmy still sick.

It does. It's so cute. Timmy gets some bootstraps. Well, Timmy, it's a capitalist system for healthcare. Go fuck yourself. The end. Uh, Christmas. Well, this, this movie also has this weird thing where it has to like redeem this

character of Michael Moore, but also they still hate Michael Moore at the end of the movie so they can't get me paid those or anything. It's quite a corner to write yourself into. So, okay, so then Michael Moore goes to a snooty, heath and e-lie restaurant to meet his agent. Who's James Woods? Ugh.

At least like with James Woods and John, but like, at least I already knew not to like that, right? Yeah. Honestly, I think maybe this should have been the first movie we ever reviewed on a couple movies. I feel like what I would have been a lot ready for the rest of my seven year career path. Fair. If this was episode one. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, but James Wood, his agent is there to complain about how nobody likes the top grossing documentary of all time. Yeah. They don't even count. They're not like real films like checks James Woods's IMDB page.

Rudy, the Rudy Giuliani biopic. Oh, she's crudey. Rudy, that's right. The other one. Correct. This is where I just went and googled James Woods to see if he's dying of COVID. I was crossed my finger. He's not. He's not yet.

Not yet. So yeah, but, but of course, we have to establish here that Michael Moore dreams of making real movies instead of documentaries. He wants to be just like David Zucker when he grows up. I'll have you know, I was one third of Airplane, a movie that is not great on rewatch. It's pretty funny. It's great for me. It's great for me. It's pretty fucking great.

It's pretty fucking great. I learned to nothing. But yeah, so, but he has a new script he wants to make. He wants to make a real picture called fascist America. It couldn't even come up with like, like, like, at least come up with like a pun title of a existing movie that anyway, yeah. Oh, how many tear and sweat stain days were there in the writers room where they were like, come on, guys, they come up with puns all the time.

We can do that. They've been having them in their podcasts. And then, oh, and then we have to have to see where the award show scene where we're like, yeah, oh, he may have won an Oscar, but Oscar, it was for a document. That doesn't count. Nobody likes the documentary Oscars. Genuinely, the Fox who can't reach the grapes would have turned to this movie and been like, all right, guys, we, we get it. You're, you're, you're bitter and sad. Ghost one on Oscar, didn't ghost one on Oscar. I showed up to the party, but he must not have heard that I was there because he didn't let me in.

I think I'm his brother, but he's still been let me in. I think there's a power out in trade when I got there. Oh, Paris Hilton is also in this. So you know, they went top notch. She's one of the award presenters. Yeah. So in case you didn't already, I mean, you should, I feel like you are already on board for hating Parasotin. But yeah, because you were still looking for the straw to break

that camel's back. This is also where they make their first liberals love the Nazis joke. Yeah, that one aged well. Yeah, I mean, this kind of goes to heats best worse. This is a, you know, they're really laying all their chips on. We'll never be Nazis. I'll tell you. Yeah. Certainly won't make up our base. Rough. Yeah. Right. And then so Michael Moore wins the Oscar, you know, Schmossker or whatever the hell that it is that they're that they're giving him here. But the writers couldn't come up with a funny bit to do with his acceptance speech, so they just immediately play him off. Yep.

And as like nobody cares about. This movie should have played itself off. Oh, God. Oh, God. But then Kevin Sorbo gets up. Yes. Kevin, he's also not dying of COVID, I checked. Yeah.

And then the movie, correct me if I'm wrong gentlemen. The movie, defense McCarthy if I'm wrong gentlemen, the movie, Diffense McCarthyism. Well, okay. This is another best worst. Yes, McCarthyism. He says he gives a speech. Kevin Sorbo stands up. He gives a speech And he says that McCarthyism Slavery and Nazis do not exist anymore. Yep. They don't exist. And then he says the real problem is Muslim people remember just before I said that McCarthyism doesn't exist. We can put all the Muslim people on a list or something to make it safe for us.

Punta mall out. Some of them are witches actually technically. This is a fuck. They did not hear it. You know. So yeah, so and then we go to the after party where none of the lovely ladies care about the Oscar winner for documentary because nobody likes his movies, not like airplane that they really enjoy and like. Okay. But this, this is my favorite ADR moment in the movie. The actress is supposed to get distracted. So here's what happens in the scene. He's trying to talk up the girl, then she sees Kevin Sorbo and she's like, ooh, is that whatever Kevin Sorbo's character's

name is? I'm going to go talk to him, but they could not pay that actress enough to say Kevin Sorbo is hot. So she just says, ooh, and then with her mouth closed, but Keith doing a lady voice is like, oh, this is a carpet show, boo. Yes, please. I didn't catch that. Oh, no, I'm never going to watch another frame of this fucking movie again. So I'll just have to take your word for it.

But yeah, this is not on it. This is not a rewatch. This is not a visit back. So yeah, and then of course, it's at this after party that Ahmed and Mohammed, the two wacky terrorist henchmen are going to approach Michael Moore about directing their new terrorist training video. Yeah, which is kind of the plot. That's the plot of the movie. Well, kind of.

So Aziz, who is the main terrorist, comes to him at this point and says, he's got a new terrorism plan. Spoiler alert, that'll be blowing up the big trace adkins concert at Madison Square Garden. But apparently that plan still relies on them convincing Michael Moore that he's going to direct a movie for them. It's like they're arguing about what the movie is about as they're making the movie. Yeah. Yeah, no, it really is. Oh, okay. So, and then of course, we cut to like that night. He's at home. He's

watching entertainment tonight. Eat in a sad TV dinner because you know, I know his movie made $100 million plus, but you know he's probably eats sad TV dinners. We have Michael Moore, probably sits alone at home and everyone, and he always hears all the stuff we say about him. Here's it. Yes, yeah, right, the entertainment tonight is just going like Michael Moore is such a fucking loser.

He's a loser, he's a fat stupid loser and he's like, aww. You wanted to be mainstream, and so you settled for the far right, but then you realized that you were trapped there, and the further down you dug, the worse and smaller it got, and then the money disappeared. And the money has disappeared ever since, and you find yourself sort of just like medium, lower class,

just fighting against a tide of progress, and realizing that you're ever more instilling yourself into the mystery as a villain. Hey, you're weeping. I mean, smushish, smushes face it chilly. There you go. How many times should we do that? Three, three, two, three, yeah. Zeitgeist and three rule of thrice. So yeah, so we cut to him meeting with Ahmed and, and Muhammad, we hear the fucking not touching can't get mad of sign felt themes. But yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. And they introduced the bit that Ahmed will always be slamming Muhammad's face into various things

through this movie when he says the wrong thing. And that's going to be a running bit. And when I say, that's the funniest part of the movie, please don't misinterpret that as that's funny. It's just a welcome relief to think about it. Yeah, relative. Yep. It means they're not talking about what they think. That's nice for me. Oh, and this is also where the writers reveal this amazing vehicle that they're going to use, because sometimes they want to talk about what a fat asshole idiot Michael Moore is, but it doesn't fit into the script. So once in a while, they'll just have the kids who are being told this story by Leslie Nielsen and sort of the superstructure of the film cut in and say boy that character sure isn't fat idiot isny who sucks.

Yep. And that's this is the first time that happens and I'm just like that was really that was how this writer's room had to get their words into the mouth of somebody on the screen was to have a little kids say it yeah it's. Say it. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. Wow. That's rough. So late that night, he wraps up his conversation with those guys. He agrees to make their movie. He doesn't know what's a terrorist movie yet. Very important to the plot. But late that night, he's sitting in bed watching TV when a thing about JFK comes on. And he's, we've established in the movie. He loves JFK. That's his hero, right? Yeah, so JFK is now going to

lecture Michael Moore about how he actually loved the Vietnam war So yeah, JFK steps through the TV the ring style and starts lecturing Michael Moore on the true meaning of patriotism. I don't know what I hate most about this scene. The fact that they take truly one of the better political speeches of the 20th century and reinterpret as, let's get them good. Yeah. For the fact that they hired an actor who can't do a JFK impersonation, the easiest impersonation to do in the world.

Aw, this is it. Aw, you just, you literally just make the noise. Aw. And you're doing, during your car, go ahead. Aw, you just did it, right? You're like, that's pretty good. Right? Aw. And if you think that they had to go with somebody that looked like JFK, they didn't get that either. It's not like they sacrificed the one for the other. He doesn't look anymore like JFK than I do. Yeah. So, yeah, but he's gonna be the Jacob Marley of this film. He explains that Michael Moore's not patriotic enough,

and this night he'll be visited by three spirits because they don't really have original ideas for this. Right. God, they think JFK is on the Republican side of 2008. JFK would murder this movie with a gun if it could. The marginal tax rate for the highest bracket was like 90% under Kennedy. Go fuck yourself. Yeah.

And by the way, when he murdered them with a gun they would say see he was pro gun and that's the guy would invite this movie to sit behind him during into a plot and rarely have we more thoroughly earned a break So we're gonna take one, but unfortunately we'll be back in a minute with even more of an American carol I don't think they should have bolt-action rifles either. I don't think they should have none. No, I know you can't trust him. No, they should have none Oh, man, I don't know if I can finish this you have to dude protein. I Protein. I know, I know. Hey, guys, what you doing? What's with the, uh... Goop. Ugh, I've been trying to get more protein in my diet,

but chugging these things is disgusting. There's got to be a better way. I mean, you could just try magic spoon cereal. The one with all the flavors from when I was a kid? That stuff has protein in it? 13 to 14 grams of it, and only four net carbs. Wow, so I could get my protein from flavors like cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter

instead of this thing. You sure good. All right, Noah, I'm in. Where do I sign up? Just go to magicspoon.com slash gam to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code gam at checkout to save five dollars off your order.

And magic spoon is so confident in their product, it's fed by 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, don't refund your money. No questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt free cereal at magicspoon.com slash gam and use the code gam to save $5 off. Thank you, magic spoon for sponsoring this episode. Wow. You hear that, Heath? I don't need you to blend up any more victorious secret magazines for this stuff after all. He'll, I don't think you to blend up any more Victoria secret magazines for this stuff after all. He lay I don't think you was grinding up a stop there. Want to get paid for the ad? Oh, yep.

Sure do. That is fair. Michael, Michael Moore, it is I JFK, the great national hero. And I have something to teach you about the real meaning of patriotism. Oh, you, you? You sure? I mean, yeah, why not me? It's just, I mean, Bay of Pigs.

Uh, I was stopping the threat of communism by an unsanctioned, illegal attempt to overthrow a gun. No, no, no, no, communism was really scary. Though, so also there's like a ton of evidence you were connected to the mob. Your family provided a front to the Catholic church when they were raping kids. I mean, speaking of family, don't even give me a starting on what Robert's kid is up to these days. Okay, okay.

Maybe I wasn't perfect, but I loved America. And that is what I'm here to teach you. You remember America shot you in the head, right? Okay. Well, that might have been the mob. The American mob though. Yeah. Yeah. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Michael Malone, waking up and heading out to that big anti July 4th protest he was going to do. Oh, yeah. Now, now they're going to take on students who don't want army recruiters on campus. Yeah. Right. And I got up. I have to went up. That's in their own movie, right? That's what he's protesting is protesting army recruiters on campus.

And then they refer to that as a demonstration against the troops. Like even in their own movie, that's a ridiculous exaggeration of what they they could have him demonstrating against the troops if they want to. Right. They're fucking move. You've you've smashed a terrorist's face into chili three times. It's okay to do you're all the way fascist fantasies, right? Yeah.

So we see the crowd of demonstrators that have come to listen to Michael Moore talk. And of course they're all holding signs about right wing conspiracy theory. Yeah. Yeah. Heathletons best worst coming in strong on these signs. So the left and all there, 911, 11 truthers, you know.

Okay. Okay. Well, that was a bad example. Well, not, I mean, like they had the tin foil. That's the, I mean, yeah, inside job. We have to, we shot those planes down. We did not. So, yeah.

And then they try to do, again, this, here's my best worst again. They try to do this bit where like everything He says the people will chant back to him and so he can't get through his speech, but they don't They don't have any idea how to escalate that so it's just that joke over and over and over again until he says Guys this joke is played out stop doing it stop doing it. Yeah. Yeah. I do love this though. Like this is fun. When chanters can't get it right, I'm generally in favor of what chanters that protests are going for philosophically, but when they can't get the chant right because like the leader did something that's a little too complicated. It has like two clauses instead of one or it's got like a double negative and

everybody's like, don't not. Now, shit, it's pretty funny. It's pretty funny when you can't get it. But once again, they frisbee in the face this one. They manage to make something that's naturally funny, unfunny. Yeah. And then of course, the crowd see something that they like more than him because everybody hates him and nobody really likes him.

So they run over top of him and they smush his face into the ground. Step on his face, fat face, face. They really do. And then this is where we meet the first of his July 4th Christmas ghosts. They won't bother with the whole present future past notion here. But this is Kelsey Grammer playing the part of general patent. Yeah, famous right wing idiot who people think is smart because of the liberal writers

who wrote him for 87 years. Kelsey Grammer. Oh, right. God, he's so, he's so shitty. It's the worst. I wanted him to get roasted by them. Just somebody in the movie just be like, you really got carried by David Hydpiers, technically just like somebody in the crowd. Come on. Say, say an original thought that wasn't

written for you by the people who also wrote cheers and a bunch of their good sitcoms that everyone likes. Yeah. I'll wait. I'll wait back here. Right. BB New Earth just shows. I'll wait back here. Right. BB New Earth just shows up. He calls them. Me and David really carried you. Fuck you.

All right, I'm done. So, and then they have the patent character, Slap, Michael Moore. Now, I want to be super clear to people who don't know the history. The joke there with the slap, with the repeated slaps is about how patent used to physically abuse soldiers for having PTSD.

Yep. That's the joke. This is a pro PTSD film. Well, it's a pro they should just walk it off film. Yeah, about PTSD. Yes. And then to shit on peace protests more, we do sort of a doodly do like general patent charism through the doodly do portal to a protest against world war two because you know,

peace demonstrators. The hit. Yeah. You remember all those peace nicks that were against world war two. Well, look, there were plenty of people demonstrating in America against World War II. I think the real lesson that you should take there though is that the bullshit propaganda that they used against Germany and World War I was so ridiculously silly that no one would believe anything they said about Hitler afterwards.

But okay. Yeah. Also, every war is not World War II. Right. Also, I think that's also important. They're saying the message to the movie is like, well, you can't protest wars because Hitler. Yeah. What?

One might argue none of the wars except World War II was World War II. Yep. And that's been our problem for a while now. And for World War II, let's keep in mind it was a fucking sequel. Right? So that war is good because of World War II,

nonsense that the right legs to drum up, forget that if we had had some fucking piece nicks from before World War I run in the God damn show, there wouldn't have been a World War II. No, I'm gonna stop you right there. You're putting nuance into this, Noah, you're Hitler. You're an adult Hitler. Yeah, Noah, you sound a lot like Neville Chamberlain,

famous, Howard and Pussy. Hitler. Yeah, Noah, you sound a lot like Neville Chamberlain famous coward and pussy. Oh, yeah. No, they nailed the, the nuance on the Neville Chamberlain. They literally have him like polishing Hitler's boots. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Man, being a Nazi bootlicker got a lot more popular among Republicans in the last 13 years. And I described in my notes, I described their understanding of this whole situation as history at a coloring book level. Yeah. Yeah. The message of this scene is talking to evil dictators gets you nothing and I wrote in my notes, hey, look at me agreeing with the movie. Yeah. Also, they bring us back in time here. And at one point, we're in Nazi Germany, I guess. So this movie put up giant swastika curtains in New York City to shoot a thing.

That happened. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They like these. I don't want to know how that all like they somebody owned that. And they were like, Oh, no, no, I got it. I got it. They hung these things down in New York City. Kelsey grammar brought his from home. Somebody brought those from home. 100%. David Hyde Pierce beat me up for having these. Yeah. One thing I did enjoy about this scene though is that Kevin Farley gets slapped in the face a bunch, not just by Kelsey grammar, but like everybody. I started to theorize to myself that the way they got people into like agree to be in this movie is that you get to slap Kevin.

Whenever you want. That makes a lot of sense. I mean, okay, so this, I mean, this is the airplane guy. He has one, this is one, this is him doing his joke as a line now and he just kept doing slapping. Here's the thing though, we could hire Kevin Farley and just slap him for two hours. Yeah. I feel like we absolutely could.

Six shooting days. All right. So this is take seven. Me and Heath need to slap you in exact synchronicity. If it's all by even a second, we're going to have to do another take. All right. One, two, three. You went on three.

You went on four. Clap four. We're doing three. Five, clap, two. Okay, start again. We're gonna start again. One, two, slap. Slap, wow, okay. Okay.

So yeah, and of course, on their end, the point of all of this is that we get to see Michael Moore get slapped, right? There's a matter of fact, in this, we get to see him thrown out of a window. Yeah, nope, but we get to see Kevin Farley. Well, yeah, but they get to see more thrown out of the window. Oh, and then we this is probably the worst argument the movie makes. Then we bambo for to Alabama, seeing as how he's against the war and everything that must mean he's in favor of slavery because

took a war to end that. Who are they? Who are they arguing against? Who are they responding to? My note here was just like, nobody, nothing. And then slavery is bad. Who said, who, what are you talking? Well, but none of that. But see, that's because war is a good thing. Now, if there was some country out there that's because war is a good thing now if there was some country out there that abolished slavery without a war that would fuck up this point pretty pretty harsh but everyone had a giant civil war exactly all the till divides the country to the state no if you're against war you love slavery what's more if you're against where you would have been a slave owner and a mean one.

You would have raped him a lot and beat him. You're slaves. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, I don't feel bad for almost anyone in this movie, but you know who I feel bad for? Oh, God. David Allen Greer and Gary Coleman, who play the slaves in the scene.

Yeah, well, and all the extras in the back doing their cotton picking. Yeah, man. I also have a question I have a question and a statement and a thesis and a religion. Mm-hmm. Why do they sing havin' a gila? I have no fucking idea This this was a weird antisemitism moment. I think was it okay? I was curious about that. Like my question was which bigotry is this? When they have a bunch of their slave characters, saying Havana Gila. I think it was a bigotryception. Like if you've ever talked to an bigot on Twitter and then you just, you get bored with whatever argument they're pretending to make. And so you're like, what colors the sky? And they're just like gray because the

Jews ruined it with their blood money. That's the level of joke we've reached in this film. I mean, which bigotry is this is, is honestly sort of the underwriting question of the entire movie though, right? There should be a game show for this, for the cast of this movie. I was going to say, I already pulled this out of our format once. Otherwise, I totally should have prepared a quiz, which big a tree is, it's a, it's a semitism. Uh, pass. Uh, and so from that very uncomfortable scene, we then bambovirt to the Lincoln Memorial for a quick rising strings moment about the glory of war. Jesus fucking Christ.

The thing that Abraham Lincoln wanted super a lot and didn't spend years trying to prevent was war. Yep. Yep. Sure did love him some war. And then of course, Michael Morgan's a call from his protestor later. He's this is still, you know, this is still the first of the three ghosts. He's not convinced yet. So he's going to head over to Columbia University to give his big anti-war speech. Now, this

movie cannot decide if we're in a doodly do what the rules of the doodly do are what is and is not a dream. So he's going to walk from Washington, DC over to Columbia University for this apparently. Yep. The district of Columbia, Noah. That's where it is. Right there. So. Oh, and then we go into this college and we get the, we get the musical number. Yep. A musical number about how dumb and corrupt higher education is. Right. So the conceit of this entire song is that Nothing is changed in the world of college and science and learning and stuff in the last 50 years They're still on about the same shit they were in 1968. That's the conceit of the host. Their audience is

they were in 1968. That's the conceit of the host. Their audience is religious. Their argument is that professors today are as wrong as they were in 1968. Yeah, I believe this movie is coming out as pro-cant state murder. Well, certainly pro Vietnam war, right? Yup.

Because that's like specifically what they're talking about. There's still a lot about that dumb piece shit like they were back in 1968. Mm. Yep. The concept of evil was similar for a long time. This is a weird problem to have. Like, you've been against evil the same way.

This whole time is boring. Can you believe our political party has been the bad guy for 50 fucking years? Yeah, well, the Republican ideas literally went backwards since 19 years. Yeah, right. It's worse now. Yeah.

Yeah, well, there's also a line in the song that talks about how easy the world is on poor gay black people and how hard it is on Christians. Yep. Especially elite universities. Those are famously easy on poor gay and black people. Yes, absolutely. So yeah, gay joke, gay joke, gay joke,

college is stupid. And then the song wraps up and Michael Moore turns to Kelsey Grammar, she's like, all right, now that was a pretty good point. What? What was a pretty good point? Yeah. And he's like, I'm still against torture though.

So pro torture. So the movie is pro torture? Yes. Yep. The movie's pro torture. Yep. I'm just gonna say one more time, the movie is in favor of torturing.

It's, I don't even know that that's the worst thing it'll be in favor of before we're done. But yes, the whole like, all right, but I'm not down with torture yet. This movie will be like, we'll come back to that. But first we have to have a flash butt back to where we see how it all went wrong for Michael Moore. Now this does not tell us anything about the character. This does not set up

anything that's funny later. This does not move us along in the plot at all. What this scene exists for us so that the makers of this movie can go and I bet his girlfriend was fucking other dudes. Right? Amazing. I can't think of any other thing that this scene is doing in the movie. Yup, it is literally a fantasy, a fantasy burn against Michael Moore that is not based on truth. No, right? They might as well be like, I know how it started. I bet you got a big widgey. And one time, one time after that party where all the lights went out, I met you in the parking lot and I was like, don't make me use my super risk control karate idea. You were like, you won. And then I did.

And it was so, it was so good. And I did control your risk. So hard. Yeah. So what we see is Michael Moore as like a 17 year old and he's like, I'm going to go away to film school. We're still gonna be together, right, girlfriend? And then she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

minutes later, he walks away and she's fucking a military guy. Yeah. And so the movie thing, like, your girlfriend fucked some other guy because of your, like, liberal views on tax policy or you went to fucking film school to do art or whatever instead of going into the military like a real man would. Yeah.

And I feel like she fucked the other guy because he's very attractive. Like I'm pretty, we're looking at it. Yeah. He's very attractive. Seems like there's another reason. Kind of like Kelsey Gramers X wife did. Just moving on. And hey, if there's anything we know, it's that the wife of servicemen and women never

cheat on them. So, excellent burn movie. Well, yeah, again, the movie is trying to have it both ways, right? Because she marries the military guy, but also they make a joke about how she's a slut and fucks everybody who's in a uniform, right? So again, they can't even decide. And again, them shitting on their own concept as they walk out the door There's just like a line of guys with like chocolates and they're all in like increasingly silly uniforms

But they can't come up with enough silly uniforms to the last guy in the line as a firefighter Right, they can't even they can't even pay off that bit. Yep right they can't even they can't even pay off that bit yep uh... alright so so that we cut to the the terrorists are planning to attack the trace adkins concert yeah

this is where michael more shows up in a parent they need him to get them backstage passes which apparently he can get because he's a documentarian this is what the movie is about now we want backstage passes to blow up the trace adkins concert, which by the way, they won't go backstage to do. No, no. If you blow up a trace at, you know what, I don't want to finish. There's a time travel based argument. Well, and so Michael Moore shows up at this point, right?

Because he's about to be interviewed or whatever. And there seems to be this bit, like they go up in the elevator together, and there's this bit where he's like, ah, you guys look like a bunch of terrorists, get it? That's what a racist would say. So like the movie seems to be making a joke that liberals are so stupid that they don't assume

that everyone of Middle Eastern heritage is a terrorist. Yep. There is this awesome thing, I hate to use the word awesome in any way and related to this movie, but there is this awesome thing sometimes where they'll, they'll be like, that's what you think, and we're like, yeah, man, what do you think?

And they're like, nothing, stupid we didn't think. Rosio Donald is fat. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, yeah, okay. So then we get the most clear shower argument of the film, right? This is the interview with Bill O'Reilly. Yes, they got the real Bill O'Reilly, pop a bear himself,

and they have a fake Rosie O'Donnell for this bit too. She's Rosio Connell. Get it. It's a very clever and they're going to like, you know, win an argument against their nephew in this scene. Yeah. This is also the best like planting your flag and that would never happen because they start talking about radical Christian terrorism. Can you imagine if Christians were the terrorists? Okay, this was so fucking bad. I'm sorry, it's hard to make humor out of this movie. It's so fucking awful. I have to keep point now that so yeah, they have this whole bit of like, you know, Muslims are terrorists terrorists Christians aren't terrorists and they they show stick they're like can you imagine what that would look like and I'm like got there was there's footage in the public domain of the Oklahoma City bombing. I literally wrote this was post Oklahoma City bombing. You could have just done that but no instead the joke is all about how it's apparently Muslims fault that their scared asses

are overreacting to the existence of Muslims. Ah, yes. The TSA, that very successful program caused by, look, Chex Notes, Muslim. Which is why every country in the world has that insane security theater. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. every country in the world has that insane security theater. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Yeah, but at this point, they're blaming the thing they're afraid of for them being afraid of it.

And for the ways that they've inconvenienced everyone because of their unjustified terror. Yep. But we're doing so in the form of a Bill O'Reilly interview where he's totally poning Michael Moore, which you totally could do. He didn't, but he would have co-dealy could do bill o'riley was so bad at his job that his ability to turn off other people's microphones wasn't enough so he needed to create a double

fake construct of the two hollywood celebrities who regularly made him look like an idiot. On that little fellow person. Yep. Well, and then like his fucking, his gotter line for Rosio Connell, after she's done is, yeah, no, you're right. We might as well just put you in the pinhead hall of fame. Huh? You see, pinhead is, I say that a lot. It's my thing. It's like my, it's an insult.

It's, because her head would be Very small. I'm actively sexually harassing women and covering it up right now. Yeah, like all the set of this movie almost Serving is being made. Yeah. Yeah But yeah, so but Bill O'Reilly tells it to Michael Moore how it really is and then he goes back to the office So that somebody can run up to him and say, Hey, this, this isn't where this next scene is. It's actually a rehearsal for your movie. So go there. My mother fuck your real scene.

Why you hump faking see that? I'm just fucking exhausting. I'm watching this forever. Just start your scene. Don't make me write down two locations. You fucking assholes. But yeah, so we go to the they're they're rehearsing the movie that he's supposed to be making. And I don't even know.

It's just stupid racist nonsense for weight. Yeah. A very important thing happens. There's a racist like, oh, this is what real liberals think is real. And then I believe, because my pet theory is that Leslie Nielsen's dementia subsided for a moment. Leslie Nielsen's dementia subsided the actor. He grabbed a sword and tried and rightly tried to kill everyone involved with this movie and they kept it in.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Leslie Nielsen just runs into the middle of the scene, starts hacking at people with what we're led to believe is a real sword that he's really killing people with during the rehearsal. There's no reason for this, right? They're just trying to be wacky. And then he just runs off and that's it. That's that.

So is he swinging a sword around with a bunch of kids next to him at a barbecue in the reality part? No, he has entered the world of the movie. He added himself to the story. I'll, uh, he's inside the podcast for he's entered the world of the movie. He added himself to the story. Allah. He's inside the podcast. He's he became part of the okay. So earlier was he singing Havana Gila in his impression of a slave. Yes. Very uncomfortable with a black lady that he hit in the face with a frisbee. Explains the presence of a sword. And then with all the connective tissue

of a toddler telling you a joke, Kelsey Grammar shows back up and he's like, the courthouse across the streets under attack. That's where the next scene is. This is, I'm gonna argue that this is the craziest part of the movie because this is where they just openly fantasize about murdering the ACLU. Yep.

Yes. Yeah, they don't even disguise this, right? So they go into the courthouse and it turns out that there are ACLU lawyers, the ACLU lawyers are zombies, so they're allowed to shoot them in the face. And then we just watch for like five minutes as people shoot ACLU lawyers in the face. Yep. Dennis Hopper is there. He shoots ACLU lawyers.

Oh God, this is, it's so sad. This is the last movie Dennis Hopper ever did before he died. Is it really it is? Yes. Oh, fucking easy writer man, and you closed it out with an American. American hero. At least Leslie Nielsen did like three other shitty movies in between, yeah. Yikes.

You can tell Dennis Hopper's family desperately tried to cover this because when you look at IMDB, they have added like clip from a documentary. They showed it on TBS in 2014. We played ping pong at Thanksgiving and we took a little video. You can see he's in the background. There's sea. He's doing home the cup right there. You can see his hand. Oh, people hopper. Why? Why didn't we watch him more closely? Well, and then, but so here's the fucked up most fucked up thing about this scene about murdering ACLU lawyers. They're trying to like establish the ACLU has gone too far and they're doing all this detrimental shit.

What they show the evil ACLU zombies doing is taking a 10 commandments display down from a courtroom. That's the nightmare they came up with. Yeah. And to be clear, they're murdering the ACLU here. So they're saying we will murder to stop the ACLU from taking down a sign that says, don't murder. Yes.

That's what they're saying. Yeah. They even wink at that berry fact within the scene. Yeah. Yeah, they pretend that they're aware of that, but they don't know how they're aware of that. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what, the judge in this scene just said murdering

lawyer sure is fun and productive and then winked at us and not for nothing. Andrew makes me edit shit like that out when Eli does it. So I mean, on the other side of the bench that is, but still I have complaints. So I feel like I need to take a quick break and talk to Andrew. But first, let me act through the hard sell. Will Michael Moore learn his lesson before I rip my eyes out of my goddamn head? How severe of an injury would I have to inflict on myself before Heath and Eli would give me the episode off? Is Kellogg still hiring?

Find out one other questions I asked myself when we return for the blemish on the very medium of film that is, an American carol. Hey podcast listener, I'm Eli Posneck. I'm Heath N. Right. And I'm Noah Lutians. If we've learned anything from this show, it's that you enjoy our suffering.

But did you know that there's even more of our pain available for our patrons? 64 bonus episodes worth. That's right Heath. For as little as a dollar a show, you can listen to us suffer through 64 of the worst secular movie cinema has to offer, including the Zack Snyder Justice League, troll two, and just so many Adam Sandler movies. Toss it a couple bucks more a show and you get your very own home game version of Christian movie bingo shipped right to your tour.

And higher levels get free tickets to live shows. And don't forget high quality versions of all the songs and our rights for the show. But most of all, you'll have our sweet sweet suffering which we can only assume makes you young through some kind of satanic pact. So head on over to patreon.com slash god awful and drink our tears through your earholes. Patreon. Our pain is your pleasure. I that's a different Patreon's catch phrase means something totally different. Yep. Yep. Just google it. It is different. Oh, send me that link And we're back for yet still more of this shit We're gonna rejoin the movie pointing out what an awesome policy stop and frisk was

Pro stop and frisk and pro shooting a teenager in the back. Yep Mm-hmm because he looks like a terrorist. Okay,. Yep. Mm-hmm. Cause he looks like a terrorist. Okay, but he did have a bomb. He was a terrorist. So it caused, yes, correctly. Yeah. So you're allowed to shoot him in retrospect.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly, exactly. This is a policy that's always gonna work out for us here at the NYPD. Yeah. Right. Well, so and that's the whole consider the thing, right? Well, because we're coming from the ACLU zombie lawyer thing.

Now they go down into the subway and the cops are like, oh, these fucking Muslims look pretty suspicious. Let's check and see what they're carrying. But then the ACLU lawyers make them not do that. So again, it just fucking on the apologetic defensive racism. Yep. Right. And the message here is like, okay, well, good luck stopping all those subway bombers

in New York City that you have a problem that that happens a lot. Right. There's a lot of bombs that go off in New York City subway because of the ACLU. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Once again, the movie's like, all right, but I guarantee you within a couple of years, this thing that'll never happen will happen.

Yeah. All right. So Patton and Michael Moore are leaving the subway. And he's, you know, of course, at this point in the movie, he has to start to be convinced, but they haven't made any points yet. Yeah. So he's going like, all right, well, look, I understand what you're saying. It's like, stop it.

Frisk is fucking awesome. I get it. But it's not like I'm against, and this is his actual list. It's not like I'm against Santa Claus or Boy Scouts or Religion. Those are the things they're saying that the liberal, that would be too far for us to go. Like, are you just trying to make sure

you get on the main feed guys? Okay. And just to be clear, the point they're making here is the big problem at country music concerts is going to be the plot here. The big problem at country music concerts is muslim terrorism. Yep. Yeah. No, that's what they're saying. Yep. They're wrong. They're wrong about every point they make. Like, they might as well be like, John McCain's going to be president next month. And he will never have face cancer. It's going to be great. We're never going to have help. It's so stupid. Well, and so, yeah. So then we do do over to the cookout that his nephew was trying to

invite him to. And this is the first and not the last time that a character in this movie will say, see, now we're in the real America and then show a big crowd of entirely white people. Sure will. Yep, that lady who got hit with the Frisbee, she is not in the shots. Nope. She sure isn't. He says, welcome to the real America as opposed to New York City. Right.

Right. That's where they just left. Now they're in the real America, a cookout in the suburbs entirely filled with white people. Although you got to admit, there is something deeply American about claiming the real America is a group of 25 white people and not the busiest multicultural center in the country.

Yeah, right, right, exactly. The entire entire electoral system you just said. Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. The entire entire electoral system you just said. Yeah, yeah, boy, isn't it? In many ways, the real America. Yeah, and then so we have to have a parade of ever more disappointed relatives talk about how much they hate Michael Moore and wish he was dead and he's fat and he's stupid.

And they do this in the form of like ever more disabled children because I think Disabilities are funny. I don't did Michael Moore in real reality like not Finance a cornea and like a a kidney for some children famously did he refuse Children these things not that I heard of he did make a movie about how those people deserve health care. So I do remember that. I can see how it would be tricky for this movie to walk the line of showing disabled children without eliciting too much sympathy, which was indeed their goal. Well, so so much that because their positions are so toxically shitty,

so much of what they have to argue in this movie is that we don't really believe in our positions, right? We want health care for everybody, but we wouldn't really spend our fortune giving corneas to children. There's a seed in there with when we were at the schmaskers, right? There was this scene where they're like, we're against world hunger. And then they show everybody eating food. Huh, really committed to the bit, aren't they? Yeah. Can you imagine saying you're against hunger and eating food?

Hypocrates, total hypocrites. Over and over again, this movie has to do that because it can't argue that like everyone having access to health care is bad. Which, and I'm just gonna say it, I was surprised they didn't argue with that in this movie. Yeah, true, fair, fair. But yeah, so everybody comes out and talks about how he's an asshole. And then we step through a fog portal right into the war in Afghanistan. Sorry, I'm just looking at my list of good things that the movie hasn't shit on yet.

Did we do the literal Geneva Accords? Yes. We're getting there. We're getting there. We're going to go, but we remember I put a pin in torture earlier. They are pro torture. Yes. Yeah.

Not just torture. Like don't shoot people blindfolded where where they where you have captured them on the ground. Right. No, yes, we are. We are moving into the pro war crime portion of the film. Yes. Yeah, they come across a bunch of prisoners that are all blindfolded and Michael Morris is, hey, you can't blindfold these prisoners. That's against the Geneva Convention and they go, Geneva Convention, Shmoneva Convention. And then they start taking the blindfolds up. Now, then everybody makes fun of how fatty is and he puts the blindfolds back on them, as if to say, see, they don't really care about world hunger. They eat food. Yeah. Again. But yeah. And then,

of course, there's a battle and Michael Moore is a coward and he runs away, but all of the brave Christian Republicans charge into fight because they're badass. Yeah, it's a little moshny. But was it okay, was it a whole group of soldiers praying instead of doing real soldier stuff? Yep. And then while that was happening, a bunch of other soldiers got killed because they weren't helping. Well, but then they got done with their prayer and then they went and did great.

And then they went to go die. Yeah, but then they got done with their prayer and then they went and did. And then they went to go die. Yeah, they did. They did promise. What were you praying for in that? That's fine. That's fine. Please let these mortars stop so we can finish our prayers. And then, okay.

And so then we show up at St. Paul's Chapel in New York City. Patent is praising the God and apologizing for being unable to like ghost of July 4th past him into jingoism. Yep, I guess. Mm-hmm. And then this is also what I guess where the movie realizes, holy fuck,

we have to do two more ghosts, guys. Oh, God. So we start speeding through that. George Washington shows up to be the ghost of Christmas present or July 4th Present who the fuck they're not keeping track George Washington as played by John Voight I almost went with best best IMD fun fact John Voight made up his own lines for this movie and you can tell oh Yeah, he's like okay, but I get to tell Michael more to fuck himself in my own words, right? Yeah, man fine, but yeah, he gives this just ridiculous bumper

Stickery speech about the importance of freedom Short of heath being about to make a teenager cry in a Southern church during an askin atheist session This is the worst Q&A I've ever witnessed. Jesus. He says you're abusing freedom of speech and he means by expressing political opinions contrary to his own. And as though John Void realizes how weak his opinions are, he's like, you might notice it's dusty in here. Well, just so you know, that's the dust of 9.11. Yes, this is dead people dust. Show some respect.

Yeah, he opens the door of the church and dammit, if ground zero, like, you know, a day after the collapse isn't right out in front of them. Yeah. Oh, remember when Republicans cared about 3,000 people dying? Yeah, no shit. But the message, and they spelled this out explicitly, is that 9-11 was the fault of liberals who were unwilling to take the threat

of Muslim terrorists seriously enough. Yup. You know, like the liberal president that we had when 9-11 happened, remember him? That famous liberal George Bush Jr. Yeah. And all the liberals who are running the NYPD and the US. Right. Yeah. Exactly. All that. It does nefariously liberal organizations. Yeah. But yeah. And then and then apropos of nothing. John Void turns to the Michael Moore character and says, by the way, you're going to burn in hell for

your political opinions. Just so you know, fucking God is going to send you Moore character and says, by the way, you're gonna burn it hell for your political opinions, just so you know, to fucking God is gonna send you to hell and you're gonna, your flesh is gonna burn off and then he's gonna put more flesh on you and then that's gonna burn off. Fuck you. Kevin, we need you to walk out of the scene. This is all John just improvising.

You walk out of the scene, buddy. To be fair to John, his kid's fucked. So he's going through a tough time. Why don't you head on out of the scene? Yeah. And this is where Michael Moore is like, I was judged. You're talking about judgment day. I want an Oscar. And this was actually funny. John Voit was the only person who said this funnily. He's like, yeah, but for documentary, you want to ask for a documentary.

But Fahrenheit 9.11 had a profit of $216 million. This will be made negative $13 million. Yeah. Just for the record. So, yeah. And then of course, we're speeding through our ghost. Now, so he stumbles onto his own grave and he can see that he's going to die one day, which apparently he wasn't aware of until he saw the grave. And then Trace Adkins shows up and we're supposed to just fucking recognize him. Trace Adkins trying to read his lines. It doesn't make this movie worth it.

Nothing could make this movie worth it. Oh no. But Trace Adkins being like, hello there. I am the angle of day. Why would I be the angle of day? But the line itself is not much better than the delivery. Here's the actual fucking line. I'm the angel of freaking death, you turd head. Turd head hall of fame is where you're gonna be Steep in head pin head friends is returns. It's even worse

Yeah, at this point my notes just say this movie hasn't changed my mind about politics But it's definitely changed my mind about watching this movie. Yeah, no shit But yeah, but Trace had kids. I guess, is the ghost of July 4th future. So he takes him to the John Boyd couldn't bother to take him any fucking where he had shit to do. Places to be it. He was making up his own lines and see what along. So wandered off set. Is George to go yell at the ice cream man about him burning it now. I like that.

That's this movie was originally an hour and 45, but John just wandered off and wouldn't read the lines. And so they had to cut 20 minutes of it. Okay. All right. That makes sense. But Trace Adams takes him to the Hollywood of the future after it's been taken over by Muslim terrorists and turned into Osama bin Laden land instead of yeah, I would just to review George Patton and George Washington were ghosts of past. And now the cowboy guy is the future of a ghost. The I think Washington was supposed to be the president or maybe J. Have K nine 11 9 11 was the president of the president 11 is the ghost. It's hard to say.

Yeah. Do they know what the time it's fine. No, no, no, they don't that no Hey, here's a good thing about this movie if the question is do they know blank? No, no, well especially do they know when they are oh No, they they think they're back in a tie when the everybody who's islamic is named to Mohammed joke was enough Yeah, it's fair. Yeah, So we go from fucking Islam, Hollywood to Michigan, right? So apparently in their future, don't worry, this is right around the corner. It's going to happen any minute now if the Liberals get their way.

Detroit is hit by a dirty bomb by terrorists. Hey, I'm just impressed that they could tell. I'm from Detroit. I don't know how you would know. But just Detroit. I don't know how you would know. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, but just Detroit. Why would, who, if you had a bomb, if you had a nuclear device, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha that the jar on that pickle it's hard to listen to.

I'm just saying brothers and sisters, there's a lot of trouble already. Like we can't really, we're just really, there's a whole city filled with shroud no really if you think about it. But then this is I think probably the worst of the, and then it'll get stepped on the head moments

in the entire movie, right? Because the scientists that are examining the remains of the dirty bomb have found Michael Moore's dismembered ass. Shoot him again, and it's one of the scientists, by the way. That's correct. Throwing that out there. Okay. All right. I thought Adam Sandler was going to show up here just to spite Noah, like it seemed like they were just adding more and more horrible people.

Dennis Leary is going to give a speech somehow. Yeah, right, right. The fact that a French lady didn't murder this whole cast at the premiere by burning the building down. That's why I'm atheist. Yep. Yeah. That's the problem. That's a problem of evil right there. Yeah. No kidding. This movie is the problem of evil. Yeah. But so they all mock him for not being scared enough of Muslims. That was America's biggest problem in 2008, is that we weren't racist enough against Middle East and they all play with the big prosthetic ass that someone had to make for this movie. And none of them have any space work. So they all just like put it on their ass and they're like,

it's like if I had an ass. I do, though. I do, though. I have an ass, though, yeah. You do ass work now, go. One of them is like, oh, let's put Michael Moore's signature baseball cap on it, but then he realized there's not like a logical place

to put a baseball cap on an ass and that you we watched them realize that. Yeah. I thought I had you go. It's come back to me. So I thought the fact that I was following John Voight and trace Atkins means that I could do no wrong, but it turns out I can't. I can't believe it or not. I can't disappoint even within this script.

But of course, and this is where he wakes up and realizes it was all a dream. Don't worry, it wasn't they don't know the rules of their own fucking doodly do. But you know, he wakes up in the morning and you know the part where he's going to fucking open his window and say, boy, boy, what what day is it? It's July 4th. It's not that they don't do that because they're stupid. They don't even but realize that they're supposed to do that at this point in the fucking movie, fucking idiots. They were counting on fucking Alzheimer's Leslie Nielsen to keep track of the plot. But yeah, but his assistant shows up and tells him it's time for him to head to Madison Square Garden, which is where both his demonstration and the trace adkins concert are happening on the

same day at the same time. I really want to see that hybrid. It's all very realistic. Yeah, the protesters are all chanting, we love Michael Moore. That's what we chanted that at Occupy. I do remember in New York, we chanted, we love Michael Moore. Yeah. That's what it was all about, letting everybody know.

And then just to, I guess to make their JFK look alike, look more, look alike, they try it out. They're Jimmy Carter look alike, who is in appearance and voice closer to Bill Clinton, right? I don't, I have a hunch that the people who made this movie don't know who Jimmy Carter. He's Southern guy and something to do with peanuts. Yeah, okay. I don't work white hair. That's but you got it. Who hates Jimmy Carter? The next shit fucking Mr. Rogers. It is hard to find a person more worth admiration than Jimmy fucking Carter.

Oh, he pointed out that Israel was in a part-time state though. So he's that's bad. Oh, that's bad. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, so they have him. They tried him out for a little while. Michael Moore, he's learned his lesson now and he doesn't want to give the big anti-war

speech that he was planning on giving, right? Because the ghosts taught him the true meaning of the Fourth of July. So he goes, he runs and he hides in a porta potty and all the characters that were supposed to have been dream characters show up to slap him more. Yeah, okay. So Kevin Farley and now Kelsey Grammar shows up

and Bill O'Reilly shows up. Those three real human beings were in a portable toilet at the same time and a french lady didn't do it like nothing that's horribly wrong. Oh wow i'm an atheist yeah yeah nobody in New York city knew this was this was filmed in New York right. I'm some of it was certainly yeah forget what mark wallber could have done on that plane mark walbert could have tipped over this port so yes but he's decided that he's got to go and and tell the truth to those damn liberals even if they don't want to hear it again at one point well kelsi grammars characters is you know our nation is facing the greatest

evil since nazia so now they're talking talking about Islamic terrorism, but that is such a vast and baseless overstatement that it took me a while to figure out what they even meant. Right. Yeah. Hey, movie, uh, quick thing. The greatest evil since Nazism is Nazism. Still not. Actually, you haven't quite kicked that habit yet. They're Republicanism. Yeah. First remove the plank from the thigh and I. So yeah, but, but we see Jimmy Carter surrendering to the terrorists on the screen, because that's what he would do. He would totally French person.

Big old, sad, stupid, charitable Jimmy Carter with his building houses for children, securing democracy, isn't developing countries to asshole, like an asshole idiot. Honestly, if the rest of this movie and the review was just us doing that, it would be better than the way that actually ends. Yeah. All right. So, but so Michael Moore takes the stage And he says, I know that you people think that universal healthcare and global warming

and gun rights are important. And I'm like, end of speech. Are you really gonna throw a butt on that? Sure is. Yep, but as a nation, we are insufficiently afraid of Muslims is the point. Mm-hmm. So they all for a lettuce at him and he gets, he gets saved by the soldiers that are there

for the Trays Atkins concert and he's like, oh, thank you. And this is my favorite ham-handed line. They go, don't vank us. Thank the recruiter that came to our college campus. Jesus. Yes. Uh-huh. Unfucking believable.

And let's not lose track of the fact that the den you morph, their fucking movie is him claiming that Muslim terrorism is a greater threat to the people in America than global fucking warming. Yep. Just let's underscore that one one final time. All right, so but as though we haven't suffered enough, this movie still has a trace adkins concert to drag us through Which in this movie's defense they will admit sucks. That's true. Yeah, right? The whole throughout this movie Michael Moore's been like country music sucks. This movie will never go. No country music is good

They'll be like, yeah, I mean country music. Listen to Trace Adkins. He fucking God would have wasted space. We don't care saying but you name it the top of his list. All right. Okay. Yeah. So and and just here's how bad it is for us. They he goes into this concert. It's not even Trace Adkins because yet we're getting his opening act. We have to sit through a number from fucking what the whiskey vomit. What were these guys? Oh God, I wasn't paying attention. Yeah. I believe it was whiskey vomit.

Okay. I mean, musically, it was definitely whiskey vomit. But yeah, my experience of it watching it yesterday was what you said. That's what it looked like when I was done too. Yeah. So yeah, but the, but the soldiers see Michael Moore there and they don't want him at their troops supporting concerts. So he has to run away.

Well, he doesn't have to run away though. It's the best. So they're all yelling at him. They're like, oh, you're the commie documentary guy. Fuck you. We like troops. And then whiskey vomit. The band has like a couple flashpots

go off and all the country fans get distracted like, oh, sparkly lights. And he runs away without they forget to keep yelling at him. Right. He doesn't even have to really like escape a bright light distracted them like my cats. Yeah. Exactly. We do want to go out. We want to go out. We want to go out. We want to go out. Wait, what? Who's in good keys? Yeah, but so he runs away. He's hiding backstage. And this is where he runs into Ahmed Muhammad, who explained that they're actually, they've

been working with a terrorist the whole time who's there trying to blow up the concert. They're having second thoughts. They've decided they love America and freedom and stuff. But Aziz is still planning on detonating the bomb in the middle of the concert. Yeah. So in an effort to stop it, he has to run on stage, take over the concert and give a speech about how he's learned something here today. Yeah.

If ever there was an audience primed for a quick look amongst you for the Brownest person, that guy's a terrorist. A trace Atkins concert is the ideal audience. Oh, every single person that audience was doing ocular patdowns since they got inside Madison Square Garden and they're ready. Yeah, yeah, exactly, but the movie of course, can't admit that. So instead he has to like shave in a haircut, a ziz, but who wants to kill all the Americans and he stands up and he goes, me, oh, shit, me. No, dang. Fuck it.

So he runs off, Ahmed and Muhammad chase him into a bathroom so we can have a, they're trying to disarm the bomb, but it sounds like they're having gay sex series of jokes. Okay. but it sounds like they're having gay sex series of jokes. Okay, two of the writers of this movie got into an argument over which branch of the military is the gayest. So they do the joke twice. They do is the two Marines coming in there like sailors. And then the other writer was like,

and then they keep trying to do it. And then two super cool sailors come in and they say Marines. Yep, got them is how the joke goes, Dave. Again, they have to even when their joke is bad homophobia, they have to shit on it. It's amazing. They don't quite nail the bad homophobia in their film. Wow.

And they realize it and try again and still fill. Yeah. But they do disarm the bomb with only a couple seconds left and they come in and they tell Michael more than everything's gonna be okay. And then trace out again says to the Michael Moore character again, welcome to the real America and then waves at a crowd of hundreds and hundreds of exclusively white people. Mm-hmm. They don't even realize they're doing that. That's how I like they're so fucking racist that they didn't even occur to them that they're like, we need to at least put two

black guys up towards the front or something, right? Yep. Anyway, so Tray starts singing. He's gonna sing us out. The opening line of his song is literally, this is the greatest country in the whole wide world. It's the my dad could beat up your dad's song. Isn't there a line about like we have the coolest beer and the prettiest girls? That's the next line. Okay. And our military could kick your military's ass. Okay, he literally names the four branches. I don't know how many branches they name. What he does, he does name the space for us. And he does not name the space for us.

And our pants look normal and not like we have boarers. If you name the branches of the military in your song, you have COVID right now. Yeah, COVID. I didn't shit myself in that taco bell. What happened is someone else's hat and I sat in it while I was helping a nun who would fall in down. You don't know her. She's from Canada. You're crying. I'm pretty sad. And Michael war looks out into the crowd and he sees like a line of older and older timey American soldiers that died for his freedom to have this family restaurant here or whatever.

And then he realizes that his nephew Josh is shipping out to Afghanistan that night and he still hasn't even seen him off. So he rushes down to the docks to see him off, right? And of course the movie talks about how we will definitely win the war in Afghanistan. There's sure no doubt that that will end up being a positive outcome that the US military could be proud of forever. Yep. It's going to go great.

And then we make some more disabled kids jokes. Yep. They all fall off a thing. Yeah. It's a they end the fucking scene like a citation needed skin. Yeah. Honestly, they should have killed a lot of characters a lot sooner. That would have been nice. Yeah. But yeah. And then the movie's like, Oh, well, how do we end it? And they're like, well, we could have Kelsey grammar show back up. And I guess that a figment of his imagination in this movie they're like Eh, whatever So yeah, he wanders off with Kelsey grammar then Leslie Nielsen cuts in for a little voice over rap up about how then

Michael Moore made movies about how much America was awesome and he loved it and people liked those movies a lot and People loved those movies and we did not lose 13 million dollars. Hahaha. Damn, straight. We didn't. Yeah, the closing message of the movie that gets every single thing wrong is I bet people will really like this movie. You should make a documentary about how America is great.

I want him to be like, okay, well, I know a guy named Denesh who could actually help first, your terrorist. Yeah, right. All right. Well, that's it. I, we could put a question here, but then we would have to think about this movie for longer and there's other options. So that's going to do it for a review of that would show not be named what we're not done with the episode just yet

Cuz we still need a really in nice week. So Eli tell us what's on deck? Well Noah as bad as this week's movie is next week's movie is Amazing we'll be talking about the sequel we didn't know was a sequel until we started recording and no one told us Can Del Vecchio Christmas movie a Karate Christmas miracle. Oh, it's yeah No, this was a get a head-up episode. We had a ton of fucking fun with this one

So I'd had to look forward to we're gonna bring up so 331 to a merciful close once again a huge Thanks to all the patreon owners that helped make the show go if you'd like to cut yourself among their ranks you can make a prep episode donation of patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn really access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms and if you enjoyed this show be sure to check out our siblings shows the skating a the aesthetician the D&D minus and the scattercrack available wherever podcast live.

If you have questions comments or cinemas suggestions you can email god awful moves to gmail.com legal services for the spot cast podcast are provided by the love of this is the P. Andrew Torres. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik and Gabyville Traffs on Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in our life this week for Heath and Ryan Lai Boszi with a breakfast club close. According to Amazon, if you like this movie, you'll also enjoy a pocket guide to skull shape. This movie would go on to make about $7 million on a budget of $20 million, or about

one-seventh-what in6 9-11's worth of COVID deaths and counting. Wow. Wow. And none of them were Kevin Sorpo. Yet. Yet. Yet. Checking.

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