God Awful Movies - 333: Vindication Episode 2

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Vindication, episode 2. In this Pureflix original drama, Detective Travis spends most of his time barking up the wrong tree and then solves the case with the same kind of blind happenstance we associate with Inspector Gadget. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Well, yeah, so but then her her monologue to the detective hurries us along to the next scene wherein they have apparently like left school to go fool around at her house while her parents are at work. Classic move. I've had sex in high school with a woman. This is the hell, right? This is a red herring for a thing. You're going to feel like you're going to get a candidate for this one, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. You wouldn gonna feel all the way to Canada for this one. Yeah, exactly You wouldn't but then she exploded don't don't ask anyone about it. My high school. They're still very sensitive 9 11. She died of 9 11 God awful movie Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? friend. He then right. He'd welcome back. Ned. No illusions. And sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnik Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm amazing. Oh, are you really though? Oh, I'm amazing. The existence of this show makes me so goddamn. Yeah. No, that's true. This was dumb. This was quiet. This was a delight and not just because it was only 27 minutes long.

So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? Well, it's only 27 minutes long, so. Yeah. I think that's the big takeaway. We watched vindication episode two, a name and numbers. I love that title, so got that much. Which they think they think they've connected it. Yeah, that revelation

they have not. I will talk about it. We'll get there. It's the story of this is real though. It's the story of what the show thinks is the real victims of revenge porn, the Christian community. Yes. You're not exaggerating. The sensibilities of the Christian community. Yes, you're not exaggerating. The sensibilities of the Christian community. Yes, exactly. The real victims and Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the twists and turns of knives out, but the characters were all just too darn likable. You will love this episode. You will. This episode begins by asking you to sympathize with an abusive boyfriend who gets the crack kicked out of him and then makes him less likable through its remaining like over and over again. Like there are multiple steps now. It's almost

impressive in its own way. If you told me the test market was supposed to press a button when it was okay to kick these kids out, the episode makes sense. Now I'm pressing it. I'm pressing it. I'm pressing it now. I sat on it when I sat down. I pressed it again. All right, and of course, this is episode two of the Pure Flix original series vindication.

We did episode one back on episode three, 12, but I wasn't here for that one. I've heard the episode, but I never watched the show. So are there any important elements of the vindication verse that I need to know about going in? Oh yeah, God, where to begin? So this guy, the cop in the show, he is a cop. Right.

He talks to people. Yeah, good deal talking. And then the cop. Right. He talks to people. Yeah. Good deal of talking. And then the end. Okay. Alright, well, fair. Fair we go. Okay, we should have one more thing.

They do like to do a big twist ending. They don't know what that means, but they say I really hard. The twist in episode one, it's nonsense. It's the story of the cop interrogating a guy about a murder. But at the very end, we learned that the cop actually solved that murder already before this interrogation started. So the cop was doing a prank murder interrogation of that guy in order to make him Christian. Yup. Wow, okay.

That's the plot. All right. And because of that, I was waiting for a similar question throughout this episode. Yeah, me too. I was like, the whole time I was like, the cop kicked the shit out of that kid. I know how this is gonna go.

And that's how he found Jesus. Yeah, exactly. Kicked his ass, tell me, phone, Jesus. Okay, so is there anything you guys want to dominate? This one for being the best of being the worst at? Best worst sandwich space work. Yeah, there's all the pieces of a bitch. How dare you pick that one?

There's a scene that starts with the main character and she's sad and sitting down in the hallway at her high school and she's sad and sitting down in the hallway at her high school and she's got to be all mopey and they gave her a sandwich and a baggie as a prop and she had that like terrifying five seconds where she had to do space work at the beginning of the shot and she just looks down at the sandwich and kind of panics because the scene still hasn't started. It's been three seconds. She's just what to do.

So she goes and grabs the sandwich and she's like, okay, is my sandwich? What do I do? Is it upside down? No. I'm going to put it back down the same way. Yeah. Can we start the scene and then the scene starts.

It's like she's checking her cards and Texas hold them with the sandwich. It's crazy. Some of the best Christian space work we have ever seen. The only way that scene makes sense is if someone has just slid a financial offer to her in the form of that sandwich And she's like still sandwich. Okay. What about same. Yes He's like still sandwich. What about same? Yes. So yeah, honestly, I think we all would have gone

with some form of best worst sandwich if he hadn't already taken it. But I'm gonna go with best worst forgiveness. Both the means of the forgiveness and the fact that it was there to begin with. Fuck this asshole. It's nonsense. Fuck this asshole.

And I was gonna go with best worst red herring. So if you've learned anything about vindication as the show, I think, sorry, I think the red herring is that they don't know what twist means. Yes, yeah, yeah, he touched on it, which is that if vindication has a theme, and I do hate to use that word, it's that you don't know who did the crime, but that's because they're stupid, right? The twist of this show is that the people who wrote it are idiots. Yep. Yeah. And we will get several of those insane red herrings throughout this show. The whole thing is like, or is it? And it's like, I don't, that doesn't even

make sense right now as a question. movie's trying to say or is it yeah Spoiler alert. It'll turn out that nothing that happens in the show is related to the crime No further second episode This is lost level and really and they do terrifying really problematic things that they don't have to do right No, so nothing to do with the plot. Yes. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, this episode is only 27 minutes long and it really pads its script to get there.

So we're going to take a minute to do the same, but we'll be back at the lash with all the inconsequential distractions that are vindication episode two. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Okay, and you'll promise you give it back. For the last time, yes, I will give your brain back. Guys, what's with all the weird science stuff? Oh, Keith and I are switching brains. You're switching brains.

Yeah, yeah, you know, new year. I've been feeling a little bummed lately and I was just thinking, man, you know, I want to be inside Heath's brain for a little while. It seems nice in there. It's true a little while. It seems nice in there. It's true. It is. It is nice in here. See?

Why isn't there Eli? If something's interfering with your mental health or happiness, why don't you just try better health? Oh, what's better health? Better. The machine's working already. I'm sure it's how we're doing it. We talk a lot about better health on this show.

In this month, we're discussing some of the stigmas around mental health. Oh, we are. We are. For example, some people think you should wait until things are unbearable to go to therapy, but that isn't true. Therapy is a tool to utilize before things get worse, and it can help you avoid those lows or keep you from stealing heat spring.

Wait, wait, stealing? It says, the brain steal a tron 3000 on the side of the machine. That is Swedish. Okay. Better help Swedish. Okay. Better help, you say. What's better? Yeah, what's better help is customized online therapy

that offers a video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used better help therapy. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp

and God off the movie's listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. That's BETTERHELP.COM slash awful. All right, well Keith, I guess you get to keep your brain. Hey, why didn't you try to steal my brain? Oh, you know, it was the, you were, you yell at an adamant object so a lot?

Well, you know what, lots of an adamant objects are stupid, sure, and deserve it. Yep. Okay, what's it Swedish for? Wait, what it says in the comments? Okay. And so I said, I'm not speeding because I have my guardian angel with me, so.

Oh, and what did he say? He said, you're naked on a carousel, sir. Okay, but that's fair. Hi, sorry, is this the writers room? Oh, hey, you might speed in new guy, Rick. Yeah, really excited to be working on this pure flick crime drama with you guys. Yeah, yeah, that's too.

Hey, question for you. Would you say it's possible to speed on a carousel? No, you know what? Not right now, miss. So tell us. What kind of episodes did you have in mind for the show? Okay, so you know how revenge porn is actually a really huge problem in the United States and it rarely gets prosecuted. Sure. Yeah, it's terrible. So what if we did an episode about that? I mean, we have a Christian audience and I think we we could really communicate the long-term consequences of that kind of sexual violence. Yeah, yeah, no.

And we could add like a mystery, right? Like who beat up the guy who did it? Oh, sorry. I don't want to say no right away, but I actually feel like that might take away from the point, right? It would make the criminal the victim. Well, he is the victim though of the punches.

Right. You get punched. No, I understand it. It's just that. Look, I think we've got what we need here. We're very excited to have you work with us, Rick. Yeah, I guess, I guess so. We'll figure it out.

Okay, so carousels. Dude, they arrested you because you were naked. Well, okay, now you've spoiled the story and I think he's biased. So I can imagine. I don so I can't even ask you. I don't think that I did. Okay. So carousels. And we're back for the breakdown

and we're gonna open up at a hospital, desperately trying to convince us that it's just a normal hospital. There's just hospitals. It's as though the camera operator is going, surely one of you can properly pantom normal hospital. There's just hospitals. It's as though the camera operator is going, surely one of you can properly pantomime hospital and eat person is worse. It's so bad.

One guy's on the phone and he's like, hello, hello phone caller. I'm at hospital. You know, is where I'm telling you about it. Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah, hospital. You hospital, yep. I wrote in my notes, it's like this movie's a bad liar

and just got the sense that we think it's lying. You know, no, no, no, look over here. This guy also is saying hospital words over here. This woman has a desk lamp. They only have those. At hospitals. Beep, beep, beep. Oh, yeah.

You can tell that I'm saying those beeps. No, I wouldn't be glad in those maintenance. Are you holding the chart in front of your face? I don't see you making the beep noise. You're holding the chart in front of your face. So I don't see you making the beep noise. So, yeah, so into this very hospital hospital walks detective Travis, who is ostensibly the star of this show,

but the show is really delivered in vignettes. So there's no like, you know show is really delivered in vignettes. So there's no like, you know, there's no story behind detective travesties, just generic detective. Yeah, and we should point out two episodes in. We have learned truly nothing about this man that is in his physical appearance.

Well, so we learned one fascinating thing about this guy in the next scene, but we'll get to it. Sure. Ooh. We only humanized him and in a really weird, fucking way. I'm so excited to find out something fascinating about it. Yeah. We don't know what to mean. You have a lot of notes on it. So, so he comes in and he's he's talking to Mr. and Mrs. Bannon.

And he says, your son has been beaten unconscious. And we don't know who the attacker. Sorry. Somebody had to say it. You guys weren't exquisite. Yeah. Look, we have 27 minutes to get through this. We don't have all fucking day. Yeah. He's making the parents of a kid, a kid got beat up and we're talking to the parents, the cops talking to the parents. He's, he's asking them about like medical details. Obviously, it's because they have to expose it here, but it makes no sense. He's asking them about like medical details. Obviously it's because they have to expose it here, but it makes no sense. He's just like, yeah, so I'm a cop.

I talk to the doctors about how horrible your son's doing. I would like you to say it out loud because I wasn't on camera when that happened. Have you seen what happens when we try to doctor word? It isn't printing. We're not gonna show you that scene. Is there an opposite of exposition, in-sposition that he does here?

I also love, he's like, so when he came home last night, did you notice anything out of the ordinary? And mom's answer is, probably all the beat to shit he was. He was lying on the ground bleeding and moaning. I guess that's not ordinary for him. He doesn't usually do that when he gets home from work. Yeah. Also, this show is trying to do their twist already.

So what they do is they wanna reveal who the bad guy is, but not yet. So they're trying to make everybody seem suspicious, but it makes no sense. So everybody's way over the top crazy suspect. The cops are asking him just about general stuff. It's like, okay, so you found your son in the driveway and the wife looks at the husband,

looks back, sweats for 15 seconds, and then she's like, yes, driveway. And the cops like, did you just confer with your husband about finding him in the driveway? To check in with him about whether or not you found him in the house. You did. And then they pan over to the daughter for a second and the daughter is like so clearly aware of some suspicious thing and the cops like you're gonna

You're gonna meet my island. No, yeah, we'll get to that later. It's fine. It's fine Yeah, what's great is the daughter's not a good actress So it just seems like she's embarrassed to be in the movie like she saw them do that acting She was like yikes. That's supposed to be subtle God, I really hope this is my Leonardo DiCaprio bubble gum commercial and not like Also the detective asked here. Did he do anything recently to get his ass kicked and they say no But we will spend the rest of the episode being like, yeah.

Okay, so and then and he asked this is how he phrases that question. This is one of the most bizarre things I've ever had to transcribe from one of our fucking movies. He says quote, how about the family, anything going on with the family or outside the family? family anything going on with the family or outside the family. Yes, I did. They were going on both in and out of the bucket family man. At least one of those. Yeah.

It's a yes. Do you guys know if the time dimensions moving forward? Even if it was moving backwards. Yeah. Things would be happening. That's true. Jesus. That's true.

But they answer girlfriend. He broke up would be happening. That's true. Jesus. That's true. But they answer girlfriend. He broke up with his girlfriend. Right. Yeah. Right. He's just like, so you guys watch Law and Order, right? Who would you say I'm talking to in the next day?

Is it like, thanks, girlfriend? Thanks, great friend. Mom's like, he broke up with, maybe that's the plot. I don't fucking know, man. It's Law and Order, but there's not the famous guest star to tell you who did it right And so we have to get we have to hear from dad before it's all over right so the detective says Anything from you dad and he says get him get find him And I'm like that's just as this whole thing man. This is just job is he's doing that now

This is whole thing man, this is just job. This is doing that now. Get her done. What? I'm sorry, did you say get her done? Honestly, right now every character we just met did whatever crime happened. Yes. Like, right now, this family murdered their son together. Right.

And we're going to find out that that's the fucking case eventually, spoiler. It's going to set up a twist. So then we get the title. And it's a, you know, comes up with this vindication. Then it says, a name and numbers, which I only can assume is like with somebody's description of the script. Right? Like, oh, we didn't name this episode. It's got a name and some numbers on it. But a name and numbers is going to pay off in the best possible fucking way. Yeah. In a way that genuinely haunts me, I have stopped, stopped whatever it is I was doing in the days since I watched this episode to be like, why did it's fine?

It's fine. Okay, partial spoiler. It's a Bible thing, but it's not about the book of numbers. No, so stupid. They didn't even work that in. Nope. Or a name. Yeah, neither of those two, no, look, discuss. This was almost my best worst, but we'll get there. We'll get there.

So the detective pulls up at a house. Now, there's going to be a very quick little scene here where he's sitting in his car getting ready to walk into the house. It's one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me. So first of all, we have to point out that he's going to be important. He's got this envelope. This is recovered mobile device photos pin in that. But then he notices some kind of schmutz on the dashboard of his car.

He fights it for an hour and a half like the fucking host. Then I'm let there be carnage. Do we know what that was supposed to be? He is solving a mystery for most of the show on his dashboard. He's slapping at it. He's yelling at it. He's slapping at it, he's yelling at it, he's trying to figure it out. And like, okay, it's just like schmutz on the dashboard, but if you came on your dashboard,

you know what that is. It's not a mystery to you. And he's like, all right, should I lick it? And I was like, don't lick it, man. Don't lick it. Whatever it is, don't lick. And he's licking it. He licks it.

We all had in our notes some form of oh Don't lick your hand after you touched it The feeling is so overdraw the only way I could describe it is there was this weird moment in 80s movies Where there was like a small thing that bothered the main character like Steve Martin would see a fly or John Balushi would find a mouse right and then we would spend an hour with them. It's that but it's spot on his head. He's karate fighting for an eternity. One 20th of this episode is him trying to get this shit off. It's in a be. He switches it around for a while.

It's nuts. And I know what you're thinking, listener, you're thinking, oh, okay, they've got a 27 minute episode. They have to make a big deal. No, this, I don't give a shit. If this thing was three hours long, we would have had to stop and marvel at the weirdness of this fucking scene. Oh, the first kind of this was three hours long until they had to bring this down to

whatever thing that's in the scene to the manageable 90 seconds. Also, while this is happening, while he's going nuts, just beating the shit out of his dashboard, the radio in the background actually is saying, so we, we have a new study and it says stressful jobs like being a police officer, for example, make you, you know, angrily lick your own cometh, you don't. You don't almost says, it doesn't say come, but like it almost says that and he's like, Oh, okay, topical. I guess I should relax and I'll get this out later. And then he goes and said, we also learned that he has passengers can fuck themselves

floorboards, right? He just throws this guy like he finishes his coffee and just throws the cop in this floorboard full of junk. Yeah, he has the same approach to car cleanliness that my wife and I do. No, there you go. Gotta admire it. I had one of those, I had the garbage ottoman for a long time.

Yeah, for like the first five years of my car career. It was bad. I'm not judging. I'm just explaining. So yeah, so he goes inside. It's comfortable to see the ex-girlfriend Courtney. Now she is a quote teenager, unquote, the actress.

Yeah, like she's 25 years old and not in a young way, right? No, now we've seen her before this actress also played the Columbine victim that had the journal and I'm not ashamed. Yeah, I remember all of that. Yep. I pay attention. Yep. But yeah, so he, but he comes into touch to her, she's there with her mom and he's like, so,

and do you know who beat the fuck out of your ex? Was it you? Cause it, um, do you know, things that are important? Yeah, she asks, is he in trouble? And the cop has to be like forgetting his ass kick? Yeah, right, right, I don't understand the question. Yeah. Yeah.

But before they even start talking, this is so offensive, the cop is like, okay, we could talk now, but you wanna like wait for your male owner to be here because your dad's not here. And they have to like think about that. I mean, your boyfriend's all beat up. He can't own you right now. And she's like, yeah, no, I'll talk now.

This is cool. Just one of their thing about this scene. And this is a small thing, but it really, but this is very important actually. This is very important to me. So, you know, you know, you got the couch in your living room and then you got a coffee table in front of it generally, right? Mm-hmm.

They have one of those like, Ottomans that's also a table in thing. That's not a table. Get a real, I don't like that. Get a real table. You have to have a flat, sir. It can't have leather with button pushy holes that are not flat.

If you can't grab the glass on, it's nuts. And then they have that little miniature, they would think to like create a table out of a knot table, just have a table. Based on the schmutz smearing scene, I'm surprised that we didn't get like a 90 second him trying to balance the glass on the bottom. So I just put it on the ground like an animal. Is that what I do?

No, no, I'll just put it on. I'll just hold my feet like a weird orphan. No, it's cool. I'll just keep it between my feet. Like, it's a tiny mouse. They'd be friended in an animated film. So everybody, I hate, get tables. I hate that.

So, yeah, so, but she's like, yeah, so let me tell you the entire backstory. It's going to be most of the episode, actually. So we flash back to the story of her and Justin. She's Courtney. He's Justin. And they're hanging out for a wild night of go fish at her parents place. God, it's so fucking good. It's so good because they're supposed to do, it is, okay, my only explanation for the scripting of this scene is that she improvised your cheating and the actor was like, no, no, he's got a very heath playing

a card game with his new girlfriend kind of attitude about this whole go fish game. Does he was he was winning. It's not she if somebody shows their hand a little bit and you look, that's not cheating. That's like that's their fault. Everybody knows that's part of poker is you check. You look, maybe they, they show that they flashed their hand by accident. But I think what happened is she's like, you're cheating. And he was in fact cheating on her with another girl. And he's like, you're cheating at GoFish. Yep. We're talking. Oh, there you go. Okay. All right. I think that was the dynamic there. And of course,

we see that her hovering mom is hovering, like she might as well literally be hovering over her, right? But right. And to be clear, this movie's point is, should a Harvard longer and harder. Yep, you're right. You're right, you didn't hover quite enough, now did you, mom? Yeah, because immediately after mom leaves,

dad comes in and he's like, all right, that's enough, go fish. That's enough, go fish. You might enough go fish. That's enough go fish. You might as well be you balls deep inside her. Got any threes, not until you're married, you will find out if she has threes when you are married. So. Also, I feel like the mom went the hovering moment. They didn't script it for her.

So she just had to make something up on the fly. So she just, they pan over there and she's like, eyes, found my spare blanket. There it is. Yeah, there's my blanket. She pantomime to fake thing for the first two takes. She was like, just get in my steering wheel, stop carrying, just pick up anything in the room and say what it is.

There's not, is there a steering wheel in front of you in the closet? You're mopping Karen don't mop gesture. Are you stuck in a box now? That doesn't look sense why are you stuck in a box? You're sure enough a bunch of guys invisible. Is that what it is? It's four three syllables. Okay, three syllables.

You're doing feet. All right, a movie. Don't look up. No, but she lands on blanket. Yeah, yeah, just like I let my blanket on fire backs. No, I need to set a blanket. One, yeah. But yeah, but then dad comes in.

He's like, this scene is pretty much over though. We've done everything. We know she's the hovering mom, I'm the hovering dad. You're the boyfriend. She's a girl like what else is there to set up? Yeah, right? I do like though a pure flex actor trying to do protective dad because he just comes off

as a psychopath seething with rage, right? Like it's very clearly them the pureflix writers and a pureflix actor trying to do like I'm not so sure about that boy, you know, patriarchy bullshit, but he's just like the fuck out of my house. Yeah, exactly. Out of my house. Like, if there's a miss scene where he had upper deckered their bedroom toilets, his dad's performance is on par. Well, I'll tell you what, I don't know about YouTube, but that dad gave me dating in high school flashbacks, and I need a minute to breathe into a paper bag or something. So we're going to take ourselves a quick break, but we'll be back in a flash with even more dedication episode two

Give me wedding flashbacks Yeah Hi, welcome to Big Grocery Mart where you can actively watch me be replaced by a self-checkout robot How can I ignore you today? Right? Yeah, so I was hoping to do some more cooking at home So I came here to get ingredients, but you guys are missing a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah, it's the supply chain, man. You're out of mushrooms because of the supply chain. Mm-hmm, yep, totally supply chain.

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All right, grocery store guy, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? You just go to HelloFresh.com, slash awful 16, and use code awful 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. So you're saying I go to hellofresh.com slash awful 16 and use the code awful 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. That's right.

All right, thanks. Hey, also quick thing. The entire time we've been talking, that guy over there, he's been waving at you because the self checkout robot needs you to punch in your code thing for no reason at all. Oh yeah, no, I saw him. Okay, so you're gonna go over there or eventually, eventually, okay.

Supply chain. Hi, I'm Noah Lucians and I'm Eli Bosnick. You know, there's an awful lot of high school relationship drama in TV and movies these days. Heck, if you're a bearer, you might even hear some of it in person. Which is why we're pleased to present Heath Tracks. That's right. Using our irresponsible time machine and our very own Heath and Wright, we can ensure that any high school drama you're watching is accompanied by Heath's commentary.

So you can turn this. Michelle, are we dating or not? I don't know, Brad. I just don't know. To this. Michelle, are we dating or not? Nobody cares. Nobody cares.

I don't know, Brad. I just don't know. You're both the worst, both of you suck. Heath tracks, because nobody cares about high school bullshit, but nobody cares less than heath. Boo.

Boo. And we're back for more of this shit when we last left off. Nothing had happened. Get used to that. And we're going to rejoin the inaction, I guess, with Courtney walk and Justin to his car after that arousing game of go fish that they just played. Mm hmm.

And this is where they do the, are we going to fuck, but they're not allowed to say fuck conversation. Yeah. This is pure flakes. They say it. They actually use it. Have you have you decided on it? And she says what?

And he's like, come on. You know, it's peer-flux. I can't. He says, so he goes. the thing that we were texting about The thing that the dove channel won't get mad about talking about now The dove channel did by the way if you look at the ratings for this episode the dove channel is like make reference to nakedness Yep to doing it

nakedness. Yep to doing it. It, you know, is it just at this point I wrote in my notes seems like they could be talking about fucking or a height. And it's so good because this scene which matters not at all literally has a Heath yells at the Bible face theater moment with dad in the background. Be like, oh, it's like you should get the fuck out of here. This is fucking best. Yeah, you know, they're saying goodbye and like, you know, are they going to kiss? They're talking about it.

Is that kiss? So dad's like out on the stoop theoretically. And he's just like, I'm, are you? Yeah. Maybe laugh a lot of cough. Get out of away from my house. I hate Mm-hmm. Yeah. And maybe laugh a lot at it. Call it out away from my house. I hate you, cough. Yeah.

And the kids being, he's the worst. I like, he's the worst. From moment one, including this, I'm glad he got beat up, like super glad. Yep. At this moment, he's like selling it. Like he's in like a time share salesman of fucking. So he's just like, all right, 17 year old girl, you need to act now while supplies last of my dick.

Right. Yeah. And dad's like, murder you right now. Murder you. I'll murder you. I said, I'll murder you. Right. Yes.

Yeah. I will be murdering you. So, yeah. So he leaves. She goes inside and they really try to sell me on the fact that she goes inside to masturbate, right? She's like, oh, almost got that kiss. I'm gonna have to rub one out now. 100%.

She's in a towel in the bathroom, locks the door, lights a candle and I'm like, no, I get it, I get it. He's like, his chin is a little weird, but Justin's hot. Sure, sure. You think about Timothy Chalamet? I kinda get it. Yeah, there you go. It's like in chin was a little weird, but Justin's hot. Sure, sure. You think about Timothy Chalamay? I kind of get it. Yeah, there you go. It's like in any red mane. But actually this is her sending him.

Oh, no. Yes. And my favorite part about this is pure flakes. I don't know what, Vincent de Nafrio, they hired Vincent de Nafrio to come down and be like, if that tone moves even an inch, we will kill you in your whole family. So because she's wrapped in this fucking down comforter of a towel, which cannot move below the shoulder line.

Well, so yeah, and cannot show more than one inch of cleave, right? So she's got to pull up to her neck like a damn turtle neck. There's an intricate system of trusses just with camera, but really unimpered. But because of this, the way to show that she's doing something sexy is that she gets her hair all horrid. Yes, the handle is nude. She's going to send him. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

So she sent some nudes. And then we cut to her telling this story to the detective. Mom is very disappointed. But like we pan from the end of that monologue down to that envelope that he had earlier that had the nine inch letters about recovered cell phone photographs. Yeah. So to be clear, she's guilty of sexting. This was her villain turn according to the show.

Yeah, fuck you. Right, so and also, like, so he brought them in. Yeah, he's got him in a sealed envelope, but like, like, is he trying to, he just want to get him autographed? Is it okay? Yeah. To be clear though, this police officer is holding an envelope of very literal child

porn. Am I wrong? Yeah. Right. No, it's slightly before the barely legal. Yeah. It's while he talks to the child in the porn, right? Yeah. Somebody printed those out. That happened. Yeah. Well, and so I wrote my notes at this point. I was like, what I love is that though this movie will make this relevant in real life, the fact that she sent Newtpix to her boyfriend before this would be entirely irrelevant, and she'd just be telling the cop this for no reason, I was overestimating the movie at that point. You were, yes, you were. Maybe it is, in fact, irrelevant.

It's entirely, they just do that anyway because they don't know what twist me and they're insane. But yes, literal child porn is in this movie for no, I wanted like Mariska Hargaday to come in and just arrest the cop credits. Yeah, there you go. That's a great show. There you go. But we also learn here through the dialogue between her and the cop that at some point He passed those photos around to his buddies and her pictures got spread all over school a sex crime Yeah, right. Well really she started it though is what they're saying. Yeah, the movie doesn't know that it's a sex crime They think it's like a kind of mean prank. Yeah, no, I this is the first and not last time I wrote my notes Okay, I'm starting to suspect that maybe I beat this kid up. Yes, I have. I did this multiple times.

Honestly, if this show wanted to win me over in this scene, if you just been like, oh, we spread your newsroom, I don't care then who running my business. I have a tube to step on at the hospital. I'll be back. Kind of worked itself out in payroll. Yeah, I feel like this is a good thing. Unfortunately, they don't let me give away medals. So you did it or maybe you didn't. Who gives a shit?

Bye. Right, yeah. Here's your nudes. I printed them out at CVS. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Ow.

Get off me, Mariska. I want Maloney. But we also learn at this point that even after he revenge porned her, they were on on again, off on again, couple. Yeah. Like they remained an item on again. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, kids, kids, come on over here. It's me, your best friend, Eli Bosnick. This week's episode has 22 minutes of content. So let me pull you aside for a quick PSA. If you're an on again, Eli PSA about the sex life. You have to do your thing about the on and on. I'm doing mine. You did an on and on.

No, this is my equal. Mine now. It's my turn. I mean, come on, Heath, you talking mine. That's a tie. Equal. Mine now. It's my turn. I mean, come on, Heath, you talking about other people's furniture as every bit as meaningful as Eli talking about other people's relations. Does the sex lives of high school kids? Yep.

Exactly. It's our levels of expertise. It's time. If Noah just keeps segueing away from whatever you're trying to do, this is my favorite episode. Never. Kids, listen up. Listen to me. I'm the cool one. I'm sitting backwards on my recording chair right Never. Kids, listen up. Listen to me.

I'm the cool one. I'm sitting backwards on my recording chair right now, which is very difficult. I'm doing it for you. It's a Herman Miller. It's got arms. He's got an racist leg. I am, I'm in a sex swing right now, essentially, so that I can relate to you. And I'm not a flexible man.

I'm a big boy. I'm very hurt. You're going to hear a silence. That's a 48 minute cut while my wife pushes me off the chair and takes me to the hospital. Listen up, if you're part of an on-again off-again couple, just be off. Yep. Just stop. Just be off again forever. It never works out. Well, sometimes like the you end up getting, but it's still it's bad. It's no matter how long the relationship lasts it says it's going to be bad. It's a bad it's going to be bad relationship. So yeah. So and get a real fucking table. Also, one of the thing about these actors, so the scene is insane, but all the actors are stupid people who think it's like a real important emotional

scene that makes sense. Right. Yeah. So they're acting so fucking hard. They're all like, there's like slow pauses and face shots and reaction shots to the nothing nonsense. Like honestly, they're acting so hard. I felt stoned. Like you know when you get too stoned and you watch anything and you're like, they're acting. Yeah, it was like, I felt like that.

I, yeah, very much so. I also love like the moral underpinning of this entire scene, which is, yeah, you might think you're just sending a picture of boobs to him, but what if he shares it all to his friends and then it becomes evidence and some police investigation and they tot an envelope around where some gross old guy is senior tense. I mean, just come on, give me a fucking, I wanted like her fucking naked pictures to somehow knock the earth out of its orbit or something. F*** the tides up by the end of it.

I wanted her to address it at least, be like, okay, so you have that envelope. Why did you bring it in? What are you going to do? Why do you have it in here now? What are you going to show them to me? I'm just gonna do a little flip book. I had a flip book. I wanted to do it. Don't, I didn't. Okay.

See, if you do it this way, you just take a candle out of yourself and put it on the table. No. No. No. No. Yes.

All right, so the detective promised her with a paraphrase of, so what's the next scene? Yeah. And then we cut to Justin and Courtney hanging out at school during their makeup break up phase. Now, there is a, this is the, I think the director thought he was nailing it with this. There is a doorway that the two of them sit in together at school, not on chairs, but just on the floor. This school was like, you can have this doorway. Can we get a chair now? No, you can't.

Nine inches on either side of this doorway. I love the beginning of this scene. She hands him a note and he looks at it and he goes, you know, you could have just texted me. And I really wanted it to be like a crude hand drawn picture of boobs. It's not the same if you try it. He's just like, all right, this is an email, right? You could just just be an email. Do I keep this? Oh, it's boobs. I will keep this. Okay. Okay. So and I love that my overacting note came so quickly after heaths, right? I was like, at this point, his douchey boyfriend

might as well be doing the Alma goh every cent, right? Yeah. Yeah. And this is where we get the jealousy, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. He talks to another girl about class, which she reacts to like, he fucks her in the ass in the middle all the way.

Yeah, no, it's exactly like the meme too. They are even standing in the same angles and everything. He's looking back. Yeah, but it's nothing. Some girl walks by and he's just like, oh, hey, Karen, do we have homework for science today? And she's like, whore, you're a whore, Karen. And then they argue about that for a while.

Yeah. Well, but she says, well, oh, it's okay for you to do that. But whenever I talk to a guy about anything, you freak out. And then I wrote again, I'm really starting to think I'm the chief suspect guy's life on me. We need an alibi of some sort. I was with Noah the whole time. Again, my notes here are, I would beat the crap out of this kid.

I did it. He's the ultimate twin. And this is like the basis of this terrifying high school relationship, too. Yeah. This is where they're like, okay, well, I think the rules should be we should both not be allowed to speak with any other human beings during our relationship. No, and that should be the rule. Right. And he's like, well, no, it needs to be a double standard just for me. Like, you don't know how guys think. I know how guys think. So anyway, let's have bad sex day or else I hate you. Yep.

So, yes, success. Right, he goes straight from you. Don't know how the guys think to please touch my penis. Please call in the next 10 minutes. You'll get the dick. You can't afford not to fuck me. Well, yeah. But then her monologue to the detective,

her is as along to the next scene, wherein they have apparently left school to go fool around at her house while her parents are at work, or at least while he thinks her parents are at work. Classic move. I've had sex in high school with a woman. This is how it goes, right? This is a red herring for a thing.

You're gonna feel like you're gonna get a candidate for this one, yeah. Yeah, exactly. You wouldn't, but then she exploded. Don't ask anyone about it, but my high school, they're still very sensitive. 9-11, she died at 9-11. But then they get to the house and she's like,

be quiet, my dad's at home, he's asleep. He works third shift and he's like, so we're supposed to just fuck quiet. And she's like, well, yeah. And he's not like, okay, yeah, sure, fuck quiet. I feel like he would just fuck quiet. But mom is also there, so they're busted. Yeah, they did such a bad job when they're busted. She's like, what are you doing here?

And she's like, I was here to sex. I needed this blanket. And I have it. I lit my school blanket on fire. Like you did earlier with your home blanket. That's why we have these people. They blankets. Yeah. So yeah, and then Courtney monologues us to later in the relationship and, you know, their relationship has gotten rocky at this point. They're always angry and fighting. And the way they represent this is that now some guy stops to ask her about schoolwork and he gets mad about it. Yeah.

But unlike his scene where he's like, Hey hey Karen, am I going to see you in our class later? This guy's like, oh, shoot. And she's like, bless you. And he's like, seriously, right in front of me. Why don't you just come into my mouth? Okay, but it wasn't right. He wasn't on camera at that moment.

No. So she says half a sentence to some guy. And then he like, repels down on a rope. I don't know where he's at. The instant he's out of frame, Justin shows up and grabs her. It's like the blocking and a fucking musical, right? Like they were trying to represent this during the song or something. Yeah.

It was hilarious. But yeah, but so they break up and I write in my notes, Jesus, high school relationship drama is my go to example of the most boring possible thing. Like this is the second half of the is like example of something impossible to give a fuck about. And that's the whole show. That is the show. You got a story about your kid at all. Did you want to share it? But it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, yeah, where did you go on vacation? So I wrote also, I love the universe where none of this

is relevant to the assault and the detective is just trying to hurry things along without being impolite. And then later me came back and wrote, this movie is that you'd have heard. Yup. It cuts over to the detective like closing his notebook and being like, uh, you know, that's not bad.

But I really wanted to flash cut of the notebook and it's just like high school bullshit. I spoke all of a sudden. I was like, Oh no, I'm right in this town. And then he talked to Cindy at home room. Oh, that's really. Oh, my police investigation. Are we going to go over these naked pictures that you are not? Right.

Yeah. And this is where like she realizes what's in the envelope and they have the conversation. He also points out he's like, Hey, you know, not all abuse is physical. Right. Sometimes it's just carrying around your naked pictures and letting you know about it, right? Yeah. Or sometimes it's a cop who has naked pictures of you that he printed out at his police station

or maybe CVS, I'm not sure. And he keeps asking you for details about those pictures. It's one of, it's something like that. Yeah, exactly. And literally, so I wrote that as a joke. The very next line in the cop is like, okay, so tell me some details about the photos. Yeah, what were you thinking about in this one. That's it. And she has the weirdest take here, the weirdest pureflix take.

Her take is, you know, I think having a sex crime committed against me by a psychopath was good for me at the end because now I feel guilty about ever having sexual desires or needs as a 17-year-old. Yep. Yeah, exactly. I'm broken the way I should be. I'm really making it difficult for my Christian community around me.

I've really victimized my community. Oh, God. If you think about it. So this is really hard for my mom. Yeah. Right, and we do focus on this. We focus on how hard it is for her parents more than we focus on how hard it is for her.

And then just in case you think that at least this movie knows who the villain is, we cut to the scene where Justin is pining for Courtney. Oh, this gave me some flashbacks. You remember high school drama? The drama of baby Eli going through notes and throwing away notes of a relationship that lasted one week or last. It's burned real deep. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

I had so many girlfriends. Yeah. Flashcut to baby. Just. Just. Hopefully taking the photo out of the photo frame that you buy. And. of the photo frame that you buy and put it into his wallet. I don't wanna wait. But I'll never, you tell it and I'll live it. That was my song.

Yeah, me and Joey Potter. So yeah, so we get this kind of montage of him sadly reading her notes and her sitting in that doorway. They used to sit in together all by herself. Oh my God, this montage is, it's really long and funny and they don't realize it. It's so like, we might as well watch a storm cloud form and then start raining on a pane of glass that they're in front of it's slow. Yeah, slow. And then she's in the sad floor of the hallway with her sad little orange and her sandwich.

Like there might as well be a shower and she's got her clothes on and she's having a cold shower about, it's nuts. In the doorway, yeah. No, in the piano that's playing here is this boring is the fucking plot. Well, we get, you know, she sees him flirting with another girl now

and so she flirts with another boy. And, oh, but the most important thing we see is that he's reading the letters that she sent in the early letters. She would always close off by writing Psalm 28, seven. And then at some point she stopped doing that presumably after the boob picks ruined her as a person. Yeah. I looked it up. Psalm 28, seven is just a generic. God sure is nifty. I like him a lot It's so boring. I trusted in God and it worked out great is what they're saying that's that's the Bible verse about this plot What the fuck so weird how could I can never come up with a good one that makes sense for their thing when they need it so weird God

I was really hoping it was like and she uncovered herself before him later. Okay. That you know what? You know what? Still still montage. This is still montage. So much longer later. It's so slow. Yep. I don't want to wait for this montage. All right. Well, I'll tell you what they may have teased us with the brutal assault, but clearly the stakes of this movie is this goddamn high school relationship. So I need a minute to process that. But first, let me give that to you the hard side. Will Courtney and Justin find a way to reconcile their relationship? Did Jody's boyfriend sister C Lane making out with Nick from Eastwood High?

Was Terry flirting with that skank from third period chemistry? Find out the answers to these questions or at least questions exactly like them when we return for the driveless conclusion of vindication. Episode two. Hi, welcome to Typical Jim experience. How can I trap you? Hi, trap. Okay.

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destroy it, right? Yep. Shred, crunch, explode. You know what? Just say a nice word about physical fitness right now. Murder. Okay. And so that's when your boyfriend sent the pictures around to his friends.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen those pictures, by the way? No. No, I haven't. Really? Because, um, I can see on your clipboard, there's an envelope that says cell phone pictures. Right.

Yeah. That's, that's just for evidence. I haven't looked at it. You haven't looked at the evidence? Uh, nope, I will. I will look at the evidence, but I'm, I'm gonna cover them, so I can't see your, your, your bits and bobs. So I, wait, sorry, why, why did you need to print them out at all?

They're literally child porn. I have a blackberry, so I can't wait, so get them. So you've just been driving around interviewing people with an envelope of Child porn of my daughter that you don't plan to look at Yeah Did you say? Yes, I should probably go. I don't think you guys beat this guy up But hey, uh, what's your name if you started only fans will you let me know let me know? Shoot me. Okay, you need to leave. Okay, I'm going. I'm going. So carousels.

And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action, action with a Courtney sulking in a room when dad comes in for a quick heart to heart. Never should let that boy play late night go fish with you. Yep. And this is where they try to put Christianity in, but it's insane. He's just like, hey, honey. So, huh, yeah, not really a Bible verse for dealing with revenge porn. But no, God has a plan.

There's a verse about that. There's a lot of it. God has a plan. There's a verse about that. There's a lot of a lot of. God has a, oh my God. Did they have a contest for least useful advice you could possibly give a human being for that line? Oh, evil advice. At this moment, I was like, okay, I need her to be like, oh, cool. Thanks, Dad. So you're saying God has a plan that includes revenge porn on me. And then a better relationship with somebody else. Could he not skip straight to the second one? All right. You're going to think this is crazy, but the cure for COVID depends on you getting

revenge porn. I don't know. He's got a whole web up there. He's got string. That is mysterious. Okay. Is ways of pretty mysterious. No, but COVID, are we pro or anti? Yeah, right. We don't talk about it on this channel. Cut. Look at the two big version. Yeah, right. Yeah. This is like literally on pierflakes. You could not take a position on that. That's fucked up. But yeah, but this is actually where dad finds out that she sent her boyfriend news and that they made him out and made it out into the world because he picks up her phone. She's getting all these messages from creepy guys who are, you know, I guess returning

the favor with dick picks or something like some gross ass shit, but he sees all the harassment she's going through. And now he's ready to kick a little ass. And now he wants every character to get beat up almost today. A lot more characters need to get beat up. Yeah, a lot of just random people in the school. Yeah, could we get characters from a good crime drama to come beat up this crime drama? CSI Miami, they all just show up and start.

Yeah, he's one takes one person like a, they just super out of the scriptwriter into the frame. Yeah. So it will so yeah, now Courtney's dad goes to see Justin at work and I want this to be the John Wick hammer in his basement moment. I want it. I as a tiger to start playing as Justin walks over something. I was excited. I don't often root for a grown man to beat up a child. No, but this is one of those instances. Yeah. And like honestly, honestly, vindication, if you had wanted to win me over,

if he just beats the shit out of this kid, and then we flash out of the scene and the cops like, oh, okay, I guess that's who did it. There you go. Okay, close to snow book, I no longer need it. But what a dumb of indication theme. So just the credits come up. Yeah, but so instead he stands in the middle

of this crowded restaurant and yells, if you are soon hospitalized for a assault, I will be the prime suspect. Right. He actually says it's a weird moment. if you are soon hospitalized for a assault, I will be the prime suspect. Right? He actually says it's a weird moment. He basically says that, but he says specifically, I will beat the shit out of you if one more tear is shed by my daughter.

That's a weird hedge on beating up the kid, right? It's the best, most pure, flixie threat because it's like, I need you to get those pictures off the internet and they're like, dude, that's not how you can't do it. Just you get those pictures, I don't care how you do it. But go time dimension, no more. Right, I would have to take out the infrastructure for the modern world, basically,

in order for that to be a lost me. Google the opposite of the picture. I'm fucking doing it right now. I don't care what warnings, Dr. Strain has to ignore from long. That was in the trailer, so it's not a spoiler. You get those pictures out of here. I don't know. I don't care. What kind of plot hole survive at the end of the movie? Yeah, but this this happens in the middle of this restaurant and we see everybody in the restaurant watch this happen. And I wanted somebody to be like, sir, this is a cheesecake factory. And we support.

Yeah. And we were kind of beating the shit. Do you want to do it now? Because I mean, I assume one more tear will be shed. So just do it. Now it's a weird head. You said earlier, can So just do it now. It's a weird hedge you said earlier. Can you just do it? He never does his rollups.

We'll all watch. You know, so. So yeah, and we cut out of that to the detective and interrogating dad and going, you know, you notice there were other people in that last scene, right? They was like people eating at the restaurant and other workers. And he's like, right, I did not mean to yell. I'll beat you half the death in your driveway.

Kind of, you know, how that just was a turn of phrase of turn of speech. That is doing legal voice like Andrew taught me to do. There are many jokes that I make at times. Or show a humor and a reasonable person could really use use that I was going to beat up a child. Yeah. Honestly, like the cops given him like a pro tip, which made sense. It was just like, hey man, you can, you can just beat up a child without announcing it in public.

Yeah, you just go straight to it. Oh, all right. If I know a figure two about getting away with crimes, it's me because I'm a cop. So, here we have. Honestly, if cop guy had just been like, this fucking cool, dude, damn it. Like, dead of fist bump. The indications my favorite show. Right. So, but then we cut to the high point of the movie. And of course, Heath's best worst. Courtney is now sitting in their doorway again and she's got 45 seconds to kill and she almost slits her goddamn wrists from the pressure.

Yeah. She's a jelly up or jelly down. I don't know what to do. It should be jelly up. She's looking at this sandwich like she's trying to sex it or something. She just lifts it up a little and then puts it back down and then lifts it up again and puts it back down. You can see the actress go, okay, I'll give them another take of that. Yeah. Surely the scene has begun by now. She said out loud.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no in, straight in, pick up, down. Got it, did we get it? Did we get it? Cool. I wonder if the editor just hated her. He's like, I'm gonna use both of them. This is where boyfriend comes over and he's like, hey, you used to, and again, this line really haunts me, because keep in mind she wrote, Psalm 28, seven at the bottom of all of her notes, right?

With the colon, right? Like in a normal Bible notation. Right, and he comes over and says, you used to write a name and some numbers on your notes to me. He thought, Saul was a name. Right. And like a code?

Like, was he doing math for a second? Oh, okay, it's gonna be like an escape room. This will lead me to another clue where her boob picture is divided by seven. It is divisible. That's four. So four. He looked it up.

He's like, yeah, so I did a bunch of code stuff. It didn't really go anywhere. I looked it up. It's from the Bible, so that's cool. Or B-Blay, it's a book. So I did a bunch of code stuff. It didn't really go anywhere. I looked it up. It's from the Bible. So that's cool. Or B-Bla, it's a book. You know what?

I really enjoyed the character named God. Yeah, I thought it was a cool. You know, you're really fleshed out that character. Nicely in that book, you were referencing. I almost made my best worst, the best worst. Who is this Jesus person? Anyway, is that Jesus or Jesus? I don't like a night and I never tell.

But the point though is that he was really moved by Psalm 287. Again, so here it is in its entirety. This is the KJV version, okay? The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusts in him and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song, I praise him. That's just like, I sure like God.

It is impossible to be convinced of anything by that series of words. Yeah. But he's like, that really changed my perspective. It's not even a particularly nice compliment for God. No. Neither is this episode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But the point is though is that he read Psalms 28, 7 and it changed his perspective and he's a Christian now and he's sorry for robbing her of her Christian innocence with the revenge porn. Right. But really, she's sorry because that's literally what happens next. Yep.

She's like, well, I see what you, I appreciate that, but this is my fault. I mean, this is on me. You know, I look, I'm a Christian and a woman. I'm kind of obligated to blame myself at this point. So, yeah, this never would have happened if I didn't really enjoy that candle moment. That's on me, that's on me.

Just to mention that she apologized to her dad for being the victim of a sex crime. Yeah, yeah. He apologized to his dad as well for, I don't even fucking know. At this point, he says, I apologize to my dad and told him I'm trying to change. And the death, the dad thought he was becoming a Republican. Yeah. So what did, did pureflix think that that was like, going to win their test audience over? It's going to be an, ah, he's a Republican. Yeah. So what did did pureflix think that that was like going to win their test audience over? It's going to be a liberal.

He's a liberal this makes sense now. Right. Yeah. Liberal revenge porn typical. My son someday he's going to call me and he's going to apologize for not being a Republican. Yeah, maybe what is going to happen. I'll tell you what it's not that I'm going to get old and fragile and then impose my existence on him even though I have terrible politics and ideas. That is

not what's going to happen. He's going to get down on his knees and find Trump. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Now let's not, you know, hit this one with too light of touch. I feel like the moral at this point of the movie is, because they've already identified the revenge porn thing as abuse. They're word, right? He said it, like, not all abuse is physical. So they know that they're talking about abuse. Their moral seems to be you owe it to your abuser to forgive them, take them back and try

to make them into a Christian. Yep. That's correct. Yeah. And I was I was, that happened. Yeah. And I'm watching this and I was like, there's only two minutes left or so. Is that's the moral of the story?

Yeah, I have time to change the moral. No, that's the fucking moral. And no, they don't. That's the moral of the story pretty much. Yeah, the only way they could have backed out at this point is if this show had ended with not. Right. But we flash out of this conversation.

We realize that the dad has been telling the story of him coming and apologizing. And the cops like, wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight. Because the sex criminal who sex crimes your daughter came over and said, I'm sorry, I'm into Jesus now. You forgive him. And he's like, yes. Yup. Yeah.

He's like, you know what? I also used to be a terrible abuse of revenge porn kind of guy and then I found Jesus. So I figured like I owed it to him. He's like, you don't. Yeah. You're also, you probably should have been punished for your crime. You all suck. Everyone sucks.

I at this point, Snoke should have popped out of the corner of the screen and been like, gotcha. That's what you get for liking one of the characters in the movie. Right, yeah. Yeah, and this is when Courtney's dad says the copy's like, yeah, no, I totally believe that he's a Christian now. You can't just make something like that up. Yeah.

Exact words. I wrote in my notes, said a man who is literally reading lines that someone made up. Yeah, do Christians think I'm Christian is too elaborate to be alive? Right, absolutely. I'm like, I'm watching a fictional TV show, so if someone just made that up, or did this

director have to like wait around until the actor playing Justin found Jesus, right? They're like, no, you'd never be able to think that you're going to have to. We're going to actually have to convince you of our religion. We're doing a boyhood thing here. But yeah, this is, this kid has real faith now. So really, moral of the story, sorry about doing revenge porn with your daughter's pictures. Shibboleth, I'm cool now. Yep. That's, that's the, that's the story. Yes. But then, so the cop is like, and so I should tell you,

we have video of your truck showing up at Justin's work on the night that he was assaulted. And he's like, yeah, I went to, I needed a blanket. Sometimes this is a terrible alarm I've had happened to be true. He's like, oh, yeah, I did show up right after threatening him. Sussan, I was going to beat him up, but I was actually there to congratulate him for being a Christian. But it's real.

It's real. It's not a right excuse. It's real. Thanks to my whore daughter's behavior, he's a Christian now. And I wanted to say congratulations. That's really what happened here. I wanted to congratulate the guy who revenge porn to my daughter. Yes. But when he was there, he did notice. Now keep in mind, guy who revenge-porned my daughter. Yes.

But when he was there, he did notice, now keep in mind, this is the fucking, this is the cheesecake factory, right? This is just a restaurant. He says, but I did notice another man that was lingering there at the restaurant when I went there. Like, of course, he's waiting for his wife to bring the car around to you, Jack. He mysteriously seemed to have brought his own cheesecake. I mean, the cheesecake, no, that's a toolbox, man. Why would he have cheesecake? Also, I have to point this out at such a small moment, but it's just it really tells you all you need to know

about Puriflex. The guy says, what did he look like? And they start describing it. Nobody ever points out that he's white and the cop never asks, right? Because the movie just assumes that the natural state of people is white unless you say otherwise. Also, he's describing the dad, but the idiots who made the dad of the kid who's shitty surprise. But the movie,

the idiots who made this, this TV show didn't have the sense to make dad easily describable. So they're like, he was shit. Sorry. He was at the beginning of the episode. Yeah. Did he have a mustache? I feel like you have hair at night. Oh, hands. He had hands. Definitely had hands. Normal skin. I would say he was guilty looking. Right. Yeah. No, but he actually says, yeah. So I saw an an assailant looking person by chance. I should have mentioned this earlier. But yes, I saw an assailant looking guy. He had hands. And he had a thing in his hands. He literally says he had something in his hands. The cops like, oh, no, no follow up question

there. No, that's good stuff. I'm going to write that down hands. When object would object describe the thing? Yeah, object. I would describe it. Yeah, I would describe it as an object. Yeah, okay. So, but yeah, as Eli already said, this is going to turn out to be Justin's dad who beat him up for some unrelated thing that was a throwaway line way earlier. I'm so confused because wasn't Justin found at his house.

Yeah. So why is the dad there? Because Courtney's dad says, well, you know, I got there. He'd already left, but I saw this other guy waiting for him, but he'd already left. Oh, I think they forgot what they said earlier. They definitely forgot. They forgot that they didn't say he got found in the cheesecake factory parking lot. Right, but that's what they're saying now.

So are they saying that the dad was standing there after he beat him unconscious? Because because he'd already left like you would know his car. You saw his car was sitting there like when you have a helmet, I'm going to kill you to him. He was standing by his car. I'm going, I beat up my son and I left him in this parking lot and I'm just going to get a real quick piece of cheesecake there and and a vegan cobs salad and then I'm gonna head home.

Well, but that goes because they also the daughter saw it. Right? We're gonna find out later because you remember the daughter wouldn't meet us I earlier and clearly had guilty knowledge. She saw it. That can't have happened at the parking lot. So he went to the cheesecake factory to look for his son and he's not there. So he brewed it a while so that everybody would see him. And then he went back to that. He knows where he lives. He owns where he lives. He does.

I don't also. I'm sorry. I just need to talk about why the dad beat the shit out of him because it's the dumbest twist. Yes, sure. And we did mention it earlier. They mentioned it earlier. We did not because it's so important. He skipped baseball tryouts.

Yep. So the dad beats him. What we're supposed to assume is like within an inch of his life, because he skipped baseball tryouts, making the rest of the episode entirely irrelevant. Right?

Yep. That's what they did last time too. That's their thing. You had a reason for the dead to beat the shed of his kid. It's because he's a sex criminal. That's what we've all passed around, child porn to our friends as a revenge thing now and then, but you embarrassed me in front of Coach Steve.

Get the fuck over here. The writing team is like, we need to think of something worse than, you know, sex criminal. Um, baseball try out, skipped it. Yeah. There we go. That's a bad thing if we're going to rank them. It had absolutely nothing to do with any of the characters that we'd met up to that

point, right? They're her whole business. Like detective Travis is the worst guy because he figures this out by going and saying to the daughter, hey, you look like you knew some shit earlier. Do you know some shit? And she's like, yeah, man, I was just waiting for you to ask. Yeah, you could have avoided this entire episode and just asked me right away at that point. It was so obvious that I knew.

Yes. He's like, right, but then I wouldn't have had a reason to check out those naked pictures from the evidence. Do you have any naked pictures? That I'm like, you're doing different. I'm just saying, maybe you Jay walked earlier. And we actually get to watch the dad start to beat up the kid at one point. So he's in the parking lot of they forgot, I love that you use the word get.

We get to watch. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wanted to, no, get to watch. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I wanted to know that you're right. You're right. I want to do it. No, you're not fair. Fair. But dad comes up to him and he's got the member of the object from before in his arm ends. What was it? It's a letter. It's a letter. And we learn, he like throws it at the kid and he's like, you can go to baseball. So it was a letter and we learn he like throws it at the kid and he's like you can go to baseball trials.

It was a letter from the coach that he didn't show up for the triads, but he from before when dad was talking about how he's a Republican, I thought maybe it was like a mail-in ballot for a Democratic primary. He'd beat him up for not being a Republican. That would have made more sense to me. I think the test audience would have liked that better. Yeah, right. No, I also loved that there was, well, yeah,

that I guess they didn't want to make him too sympathetic. But I love the two that, like the level of genericness they achieve and their dad's son yells, right? Yes. You don't love me enough. You never listen to me. You die. I'm grounded.

I feel like that's a new fudge. What I love is that they very clearly because they described this brutal beating and were like, Oh, are we going to watch this? They did not choreograph anything close to that. So we just watched these two actors have like kind of a slap fight, right? Because there was obviously a first take where they had two intents of slap fight and someone got someone else's eye. And so they like cried about it and apologized and everyone took the afternoon off and they came back and this is the

like half ass take they did so as not to repeat quote unquote the incident. Somebody had to dial a number back down to zero. Right. Yeah. Last time somebody got hooked in the eye. So we could have hired Alec Baldwin for this one. Okay. Wow.

He murdered the lady. All right. So now we have, we have Justin recovering and Courtney has written him some letters, right? He's, we see him all bandaged up. He said, rap, like you got beat up by a cartoon. Oh, yes. Bandages appeared.

Second. It almost has the, it might as well have the big lump,. Oh, yes. Bandages appeared. Second. It almost has the, it might as well have the big lump, you know, or yeah. Yeah. My dad gave me an exploding cigar. It was, it was, it was, it was swung my beak all the way around the back of my head. It was horrible. It was, I got to stop buying from actually surgically reattach it. And when I looked down the cliff that I'd been standing up

when I was apprised about the loss of gravity I felt Why didn't I look? And of course she closes her letter by saying that she's super happy that he loves Jesus. She is quote his sister in Christ That sounds like you're never gonna fuck and then we close on Psalm 287. Yeah. Okay, just real quick to recap. The only specifically confirmed Republican character in thing couldn't even beat up his own child for the correct reason. Instead of event porn, the reason was a goddamn baseball triad. Republicans ruined everything. Right, they can't do anything right.

Learned to beat up a kid for the right reason. All right. God. So I feel like I overestimated this movie several times in my notes going, oh wow, is the moral this? But like I kept assuming that the moral would have something to do with, you know, her nude pictures or some other element we had introduced sure to the plot but that would be they they were literally unrelated to the story so my question to you to close is

what is the moral of the start like the best i can come up with is don't get too caught up in your girlfriend's nude pictures to play baseball yeah yeah we don't know what the word twist means as yeah, share your Nudes with your abusive dad. Oh, how about maybe it's better to share the good news than the good news. Oh, there we go. We have a tagline to it. And if like, so you can have that one. So no, you can't, you can't have that one. So I let me be super clear everything's copy right and done this We have a little copy right notice at the end and everything anyway Well, that's gonna do it for our review of vindication episode two

That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to sucker ourselves into doing this again So Eli tell us what's on deck? We'll be watching grace of God if I may read read the description, would you please, having lost his faith years ago, detective broadly is called in to investigate, broadly, broadly. I wonder how he's written. It's called in to investigate the disappearance of the local church's collection plate, which happens all the time. As he questions's various church members, rumors swirl when one unexpected churchgoer confesses to stealing the funds, the confession resurrects, broadly's views on God and helps them see that through faith and belief, there really is rebirth and redemption.

Oh, okay. So is this some kind of detective, tackler? We've got going there. Okay. So I guess with that too, let's say, look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 33 to one merciful and close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon and others to help make the show go. If you'd like to cut yourself among their ranks, you can make a burp episode donation at patreon.com slash God off one there by your own or only access

to an ad for version of our episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review on my screen to show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Aids, the Sitation Data, D&D Minus and the Scapacran available wherever podcast live. if you enjoyed this, you'll be sure to check out our sibling shows the Skating Aids citation data, D&D minus and the Skape Academy of Illumas,

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then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The moral of the story was very confusing for all the littley dads out there. Right. Like fuck you can go to jump. Worth it. Justin went on to still be an asshole and they broke up again because duh Courtney's dad really probably should have kicked that kid's ass though

Yeah, really it would be hilarious if they showed up like the one dad shows up and he's like oh are you can I get seconds You leave him leave him breathing. Oh, you you got you him first. Hey my reason is more important. So I'm so sorry. The proceeding by guest is production of Puzzle and on thunderstorm LLC, Cabaret 2022. All rights reserved.