God Awful Movies - 334: Grace of God

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of Grace of God, the story of a thirty grand being stolen from a church, and the congregation's desperate attempt not to figure out who did it. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

So, and of course, this is another instance where like the music kicks in halfway through the scene and it's like it's trying to compensate for missing the first half by being overly dramatic for the second and then it definitely does. It's all sudden and expected that I spat my T.L. paper to it. Yeah, it's like this is the first time that I'd written. It's like the music director turned up late to the edit and then felt too guilty to ask them to go back So you put the music in at that point. Exactly. I'll just pick up from here guys. It's fine. It's fine. It's my fault.

That awful movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am fantastic Noah or am I? Tell me the truth. You lily lily lily breath and you can't handle the trial, damn it. Come again. And also joining us today as the host of B reasonable co host, a skeptic with a K project director for the good thinking society and editor of the skeptic magazine, Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back, sir. Hey, thanks for having me back guys. Always an absolute pleasure. And this, this one was, it was, it was a film, it was just about a film. I can, I can accept this as a film. All right. There you go. The pictures moved. Michael Marshall, coming to the grace of God poster near you. We have been named down already. Okay, so tell

us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? So we watched Grace of God. And it's the story of a church that has $30,000 of its money stolen. And then it's their deeply disinterested attempts at getting that back. And this film, it might as well be atheist propaganda about how religious organizations have way too much money. Yes. A huge amount of this movie is dedicated to so you guys want to figure out what happened to it or what do you think it's?

Oh, no. Let's not bother anybody with the money. Eddie lie. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love crime novels, but you've never read one longer than the 10 commandments, plus you're pretty sure atheism is just the audio of Noah trying to fix a computer. You love this move. Man, I will be honest with you.

After last week, I didn't think you could fuck up a who'd done it worse. Right? But I shouldn have known better. There's always a worse that can always be done worse and we will always find it. Yeah, it's like Don Tess and Fanny can keep plumbing new depths. You'll find new new levels all the way down. Oh, God, Jesus, which ring of hell are we in now? So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I want to say best-worst music cues. And this was something that I will return to throughout my notes.

It started with something I noticed as, oh, that'll be a little funny bit that I can do as we go. And towards the end, every time the music cue came in, it can't be by surprise and maybe laugh because whoever's the music director on this, I don't think they were present for much of the film. My theory is, essentially, they just had an alarm clock that never really went off on time, and they were persistently late to the shoot, because constantly the music cue comes in at the last second of the shoot that they've

been talking for a while. A dramatic thing has happened, it's silence in the back, and then suddenly is happened, it's silence in the background, then suddenly, did it, and I was like, I have no, yeah, not always synced up to the action. Nope, no, no, absolutely no. No, so if we found out later that the entire audio was just the soundtrack was kicked off by 18 seconds or something, and nobody knew, and everyone was like, wow, that's an interesting choice that our music director made or something, I would not be all that surprised by it. Well, that's the wonderful thing about this movie is it is, it is that beautiful kind of poor execution that only we have the privilege of perusing where like everyone involved

was doing such a bad job that why should the music not be off by 25 seconds? It's not like anyone was gonna turn to him and at any point and be like, hey man, we're trying to make a good movie here. Okay. All right. And so I was gonna go with some mighty big shoes to fill best worst shoe horned co-star.

Now look, we have watched movies several where like the co star of the movie, the name that you've heard of in the movie just like shows up on a ransom tape at some point in the middle of the film. I still think this movie does it worse. It's Cliff Clayton, John Ratsonberger shows up in this movie. And he just, he might as well just pop up at the beginning and say, see, I'm in this. And then walk away. Can John Retsonberger not do a character that isn't Cliff Clayvin? Because I mean, we'll get to it, but he very clearly does Cliff Clayvin. And it's his character.

Yeah, even when he's a plastic pig. He's still. Yeah. He gets like top billing in the credits. Yeah. How? He's in it for, it's almost like, I say like, I'm in this film more often than he is. I've been more time in this film than he does.

Definitely. Definitely. We paused this film. He never even watched it. And I'm going to go with best worst, unnecessarily 80-yard moment. What was that? It's amazing unto itself,

but the best part is watching it affect Marsh's psyche for the rest of his notes. So I watched this film before you guys, and so all of the kind of leading through of what scenes which I was once not scribbling those in, and I wasn't convinced that this wasn't just something that had happened to me and then I expected your notes to be just like the not much is on about this. This is absolutely normal that you just going to gaslight me in this but Yes, we'll plot him through the entire second half of the film. As well as show.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And Marsha's defense, it was bad shit. So weird. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we've got a lot of boring to try to make interesting out of. So we're going to pause for a warm up, but we're back in a flash with all the melodrama that is. Grace of God. How about gymnastics? You seem live.

E-lifes of the last time? No. Hey guys, what's up? Oh, hey Noah, I'm just suggesting new hobbies for Marsh in the hopes that he'll stop making new variants of COVID so that he can be skeptic of the year over and over again. Nice.

Have you tried Indian cooking? Ooh, how about that buddy? Oh, you can learn to make ghee. You want to make some ghee? Guys, I've told you already, we've given that a lot to other people already. Like, twice now. I don't remember that. I don't think you have.

Yeah. And anyway, if I wanted to pick up the new skills that you're talking about, I'd just sign up for Masterclass. What's Masterclass? With Masterclass, you can learn from the world's best minds, anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. You can learn how to cook from Gordon Ramsay, improve your chess skills with Gary Kasperov,

or learn philosophy from Cornell West. With over 100 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you've always wanted to do is closer than you think. He's right. I actually signed up for Masterclass even before they were a sponsor, and Steve Martin's class on comedy is great Hell even pen and teller did a great class on magic and with the ability to watch on your laptop phone or smart TV You can learn almost anywhere. Yeah, exactly. I can highly recommend that you check it out get unlimited access to every masterclass And as I got all full movies listening you'll get 15% off an annual membership. Go to masterclass.com slash awful now.

That's masterclass.com slash awful for 15% of masterclass. All right, Merch thanks. That sounds amazing. Hey, you ever think about teaching a class on there? On skepticism. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I don't think.

No, I think on COVID making probably. Yeah. Right, right. I guess you probably want to keep that to yourself. Huh? Sure So you can stay stepped into the year That's nothing going to die All right guys, you ready to write our big Christian movie. I sure am praise the Lord

So a couple things before we start Carol is gonna star in it because she's letting us use her house, but she'd also like to be the one who done it. That's not really much of a mystery then, right? No, no, I'm sure it's fine. Also, also, Greg is gonna play the pastor. He's written it himself. He's written several yell-crying monologues about Jesus that he wants to just kind of slot in wherever he sees fit as we go. Oh, Okay, okay, and finally Christopher would like to do the music, but he refuses to watch the movie. So

We're just gonna insert his music randomly or something like that as he said, I, you know, whatever. And let's not forget no matter what we make this movie about, the real crime is not being Christian. So let's really hit that message home, okay? Yeah. Okay. Uh, yeah, I mean, I guess if that's what you want, are you guys ready for me to yell at the intro and outro yet?

Clock is ticking. I will come in, Mr. Ratsonberger. You have four minutes. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to open this up on some straight up fucking hubris. The first words that we see on the screen after the production companies and shed are series written by on a movie that he is as a near-sangin' down, not part of a series yet. Yep.

Yeah. That the center of my vision board for the new year. Yeah, right, right. And I've got to say, I wasn't watching this on Amazon Prime, like you guys were, because it's not available in UK, Amazon Prime. Eli had to find me on ChristianCinema.com, and I thought logging into Pure Flix would be the little points of my journey in the show. But no, I've given ChristianCinema.com my credit card details. I thought logging into pureflix would be the lead point of my journey because of this show. But no, I've given Christian cinema.com my credit card details.

That's how much faith I have in this show. It's already been hacked. It's already lost. It's your password on Christian cinema should be one, two, three, four because they're going to tweet it tomorrow by accident. Christian cinema, by the way, for those who are wondering, whenever you're like, wow, where did they find this obscure, terrible movie? It is our bottom of the barrel. If we're ready for some low quality material, that's when I turned to Christian cinema. Yeah, right,

right. Exactly. Well, we want some pure flex. Yeah. They'll carry the homophobia that the pussy's over in purely serve. It's all right. It's Christian cinema do hack my bank account and steal my money, they'll just give me it back. And then I'll get that money from somewhere else somehow. So it's all, it all gets. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah, actually, as it turns out, which we're about to learn. But first we have to have their sweet, pure milled building credits thing. Like, there was clearly more money spent on these credits than on everything else they

did in the movie. Sure was. Also, Moses, the slavery, none of that will ever come back. No, not at all, not at all. Also, I was trying to do, I like to do a little bit of background research on the films, even if anyone is interesting, anything, I tried to look at film up an IMDB and it's not called Grace of God and IMDB. It's called the 10 take, which I think is presumably named after it's shooting schedule because the level of acting in this. Oh, you know what I bet this though? I bet the whole series concept was they were going to do one movie for each of the 10 commandments. This is the thou shalt not steal. Right. That's my guess. We're going to go with that.

I think you're probably right. And they probably didn't do the series because they realized that the first four commandments are basically the same thing. Yeah. And they're like, I don't know if we can do a whole one. How do I get? We're certainly not four of them. Guys, are we supposed to do a movie about not wanting things? I think it's okay to want stuff. How would we even show wanting is that, yeah, it's fine. We'll just do this one. Yeah, it's one of these about carving idols. Yeah, an hour and a half drama out of it. All right. So, but yeah, so we get their sweet S Exodus credits. And then eventually we we resolved to pastor John Ratsonberger. Now, this is how lazily they shoehorn this

guy because obviously like they got the deal with Bradson burger after they'd film the whole fucking movie They were like, oh wow, we can get you for eight minutes Buck and sweet Sorry, we were we were gonna buy your cameo as a gift for my brother But then we saw that there was the third option which was be in my movie Yeah, so but like okay, so he's gonna be He's gonna be the grandpa in Princess bride of this except he's only gonna show up at the beginning To say like I'm a pastor and I'm doing a sermon and let me tell you a story. It's the story of this movie

Yeah, and even that he can't get our ass coherently as you just did No, he starts just r our ass call here at me as you just did. No. He starts just rambling about different types of stationery. He's like, oh, something was stolen from a church. And I don't mean stationery like paper clips and sta-stirpulas. And I'm pretty sure he was just asked to add- well, either. He was asked to ad-lib items of station of stationary or he just chose to ad live items of stationary.

But I guarantee this was not in the script. There is a continuing theme throughout this movie that it's okay to steal stationary from your church. I don't know. I don't know what message this movie was hoping to send, but pretty much every character takes a moment to be like, still some paper shit from your church. You know, they don't pay taxes, right? You usually take, take whatever you want.

But I think I've had an epiphany. I think stationary wasn't in the script. I think it was a stage direction. It was telling him not to move around and he's so bad that he just read stationary. He was like, well, you haven't told me what you mean by stationary. I'm going to have to remember it. So yeah, yeah, exactly. So then we do do into the story that he's telling for the remainder of the film.

So we're going to start off by meeting the Stan the Sweaty accountant and pastor Stevens and Stan is explaining to pastor Stevens that the $30,000 that was in the safe has gone missing. Yes. And the reason he was keeping $30,000 in the safe is that if they put less than $30,000 in the bank, they would have to pay a banking fee. What the, but like, how was this church handling $30,000 in cash without having a bank account? This sounds like loan drink. This is money loan.

Yes. So yeah, apparently they were holding on to 30 grand in cash. Yeah. It was just resting in this. Yeah. Right. And so of course, the first thing I wrote in my notes is like has anybody checked the bathroom walls because I feel something like to put it all up at some point for sure.

Right on, right on. The camera flashes over to the janitor played by Jolo, steam just whistling loudly. So yeah, so then, so these two go to Constance's office to tell her about it. Now, if you're thinking to yourself, why wouldn't they just put Constance in the first scene so that we could just like make this an extension? Like get used to that question. There will be so many times when you're like, well, these are the same two characters. Why did we switch fucking scene? Yeah. Yeah. If you told me that this movie doubled as an educational films for how human

beings enter and exit buildings for aliens, I'd be like, oh, okay. Cool. Two birds. Oh, they pull into a driveway. I hope so sure hope we can see that again and get the details. So and by the way, I have Constance down as poor man's, Gwyneth Paltrow, so like Gwyneth, acquaintance, Trow. Yeah. That's excellent. Yeah. So but Pastor Stevens, he says, Hey, Constance, are you sure that you didn't take 30 grand in cash out of the safe set up a bank account on your own without talking to anybody and deposit it? And she's like, yeah, I'm almost positive. I didn't do that.

If I stole the money, would I have this very neat ledger? Right. Yeah, exactly. She's like, no, if I stole the the, she busted out like fucking Kavanaugh's calendar or something, right? Like if I had stolen the money, it would be right here. I would have it in this ledger. And she gets way too little into it before they're like, all right, all right. Enough already. She's like, yes, you can see I keep on there. Like, yeah, you didn't do it. Go, no, no, no, anyone who owns a moleskin notebook, It's still $30,000. But the thing is, the conversation these characters are having, I was absolutely sure was,

like, they knew full well that this was money laundering because they said, like, at one point she says, you know, it's just that we've lost funds before and they've turned up. And you can actively hear her say the inverted rabbit, but a bunny of things around lost because this has happened before. They've definitely done this before. It just seems like this whole scene is there to justify how churches handle money with zero accountability. Yeah.

Right. Well, she, he's like, now, okay, so who even has access to this safe? And she immediately has right there a folder with the very top thing is a list of all the people who have access to the safe. And I wrote my notes, well, if this wasn't terribly written, that would be proof that she did it. Right? Now, hey, you know what, spoiler alert, she did it, right?

We're not gonna bother, like the movie won't reveal that until the third act, but like just so you know, so the rest of this movie's ridiculousness can really sink in. I'll tell you now, she's who done. Yeah, and this movie will reveal it to us like a sloppy side relationship. You're trying to reveal to a significant other too late. It's just like, oh no, it's always been you.

I dated somewhere at the same time for like a month at the very beginning. It's always been you. Yeah, she stole the money. It totally does. Oh, and by the way, the plot of the movie. So even this list that she has of all of the people who had access to the safe, apparently they've issued keys

and codes to everyone on this list. And it's two A4 pages worth of people, which for one is more than we've seen in any of the congregations that we'll see in this film. So where the funding was people, I'm not sure, but it's like, where did the $30,000 go? Oh, well, we spent it all cutting keys for the safe of paradise. Right. Well, that's right. Cause they're like, well, you know, people always need access to the money and then I they, we don't want them to have to come and get us every time.

I'm like, who needs, why do you need to pay for so much shit in cash? Is this a heroin shirt? Oh, I'm sorry. You're expecting Melissa to just hold onto the music club money for days at a time. Yeah. What is she? Serpico? No, come on. We had no choice but to give her a key in the code to our only finance. Well, and then just as I'm thinking to myself, are you a heroin church? They go, like, should we call the police? And everybody's like, oh, I don't know about all that. Why would you not know about all that? Yeah. The third purpose of this movie might be a time share pitch for robbing your local church.

They won't even call the cops. They'll just sit there looking sad at each other. I think this also gives away why they won't call a cops because at one point she says, well, you know, a criminal investigation, that could take a long time and it could really hurt us. And they can't possibly mean they could hurt us in a sense of, we've cut too many keys. They've got bodies to hide. They've got crimes they've covered up. Like the churches were looked into the collar police. That tracks with what we know about the church. Well, right, right. So to be clear, the reason that you would be hesitant

to call the cops over your missing $30,000 is because something more criminal than that is going up. Yeah. More criminal that you don't feel capable of hiding from the police. Right. Yeah, right. No, they have, and even like the writer can't come up

with a single good reason for them not to call the cops, but they're all sitting there going like, well, you know, if we call the cops, they're probably it'll smell like coffee in here, like pretty much right away or something. And they're all like, not in long-in. That's pretty good reason. Like, I thought that they all three of them had stolen it and are just like doing this in case there was a bug for some, or I don't know. Oh, God, that would have been such an incredible twist if it turns out every character we saw

in this other than the private detective. We're all involved in stealing the party. Yeah. Yeah. I was watching it. But what a film. Murder on the Orient Express, the robbery movie. Spoiler alert.

Oops. So yeah, so, but then eventually one of them comes up with the idea that they're like, hey, you know what? We could call on Ace private eye that I know. Yeah, maybe maybe they can take pictures of someone fucking our money. Yeah. It's like, you know, let's hire a private detective with all that money we no longer have. Right.

Yeah, we're going to get the same thing done for free by the police. But hey, you know, we wouldn't be and they even say like well You know if we hire a private investigator we can pull the plug right before he finds the bodies When he's like hey, can I dig in this part of the floor? We could be like no you can no so and honestly this plot This subplot in our head that they like had that they're like an Irish orphanage with a fucking well-ful of Babies Makes so much more of the rest of this movie makes sense. Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. No kidding. He'll spend the rest of the movie being like,

can I open this door and then be like, it is not filled with baby skeletons. So now normal, full grown adult skeletons. No, not those either. Yeah, the babies, but not skeletons. No, that's still not very good. Skeletons, but not human ones. That's legal. That's legal. So, yeah, so they decided they're going to call a private dick, but tomorrow, you know,

they'll get around to it eventually. So then we follow Constance home and we get to meet her daughter. Now she's got two daughters. We're first going to meet Brenda the bitchie daughter. Yes. And she looks like an evangelical conservative version of Kate Mara. She's Kate Maga. Oh, well done, sir.

Hey, why the fuck is this character in the movie? I don't know. It's so, she's so unnecessarily confusing. There's a so like she shows up and she's like, God, mom, you're finally at home. I want to take your car and go to the gym. And she's like, Oh, okay, dude, would you, you sure you don't want to stay home and do some chores? She's like, Oh, every, this is the actual line she responds with every time I say something, you don't like, you throw it in my face. Like, what, it doesn't, what the hell is going on? That's not remotely the interaction that happened.

Here is my theory about why this character exists. I think the woman who played Constance at some point walked into the writers meeting and she was like, I'm sorry, my daughter has just been unbearable. And they were like, what do you want to take it out on her in the movie? Do you want to have a remand? Every argument as you remember it with your daughter. Right. So I had my notes as to doing this exchange.

I'm like, this whole conversation is like when you think that somebody on the phone is talking to you and they won't, they don't just tell you, they don't just point to their phone right away. That's the conversation they're having. Yeah, like her daughter's got her earbuds in, but you can't see them under her head. Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But yeah, mom tells her she's like, you know, it's been, it's been a really rough day. Somebody stole from the church and she goes, who would steal

from the church? You know, that would give you bail. She goes, that would give you bad karma. The mom's like, karma is of the devil, honey, but yes, I do. You mean, yes, as Christians don't believe in karma. It's like, yeah, Christians don't believe in karma. Silly, instead, we believe that wrongdoing is punishable by spending eternity in the lake of fire, being prodigy naughty bits by a red man with home. Carmas silly, if you think about it. And then we got to mom and a different daughter so bold who is also red haired chatting about the fucking this daughter's abusive husband apparently her husband hit her and she's going to stay with mom for a few days

This movie is very Agnostic about abusive It's like there was an abusive husband in the writer's room and they had decided this would be a plot thing and then he was like, I mean, everyone hits their wife occasionally, right? And they were like, yeah. I think the problem is that he's stealing from her. And it's like, well, I mean, you just not that. Like sometimes you steal from your wife that you hit. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Sure. We'll put in both sides of that. Into our movie. And of course, Julia at this point points out that like he stole a bunch of money from her

and boy, she sure could use $30,000 to pay her mortgage. Hey, that's a good plot point. I guess it won't spoil the entire movie if the mom has already stolen the money for information she finds out. Yes, yes. Oh God, I never even realized that because this scene washed off me at the time, but that's incredible. It's so stupid.

I want mom to call her Coke dealer and be like, Hey, I know we had played. I know. I know. I know. Call Jeff and Jolaine until then we don't need that either. Yeah, I know. I'm also disappointed.

I got to do this daughter thing with it instead. Oh, and by the way, speaking of tying the entire Piot verse together, I should point out that Julie is the wife from fireproof Now we know why he's hitting Christ Four months without any porn Give me your chicken Go into the bad engages

go into the bad end cages. No, and I wrote, keeping in mind that I didn't get no, they were going to make this reveal. I wrote Julie's line as, what's wrong, mom? You have this I stole 30 grand look about you. But okay, but we also learn here, she's, you know, Julie's like, maybe we should pray about it. And mom's like, nah, you know what, I have to, I will to buy and leaves. Yep, she's doing the whole crisis of faith thing. And I didn't really, I hadn't clicked on much

she'd stolen the money at this point. And I wrote, well, yeah, why would I five figures that from her church on top of her daughter of being in a seemingly abusive relationship, make her doubt the existence of a loving God? It just makes no sense. Who can even imagine? Doesn't Adel.

How the? So she might as well try to pray and like, miss the other hand as she tries to put them together. Oh, no, I've sprained my wrist. I can't. So yeah, okay. So now is the next day. We're going to watch Constance arrive at work. This is the second of what I believe is six times that we watch Constance pull up at either her work or her home. Yes, but they said the only time she forget to put the pocket bus. They kept it in them. They keep constants almost backing over the camera, man. In this movie for legal reasons, 10 tanks, they could only full 10 tanks. That's fair.

Must be it. So yeah, so, but this is where great, we're going to meet the private investigator that they've hired whose name is Bill Broadley. And Bill Broadley is my favorite character. I want him in every Christian movie. Bill Broadley is obviously written by someone who has heard about private investigators, but is pretty sure they're just like freelance cops. This character might as well be walking around with a goddamn magnifying last the entire time, right? Yeah. He is so and of course, also he's written as an atheist by like somebody who half remembers that argument he lost to his niece on Facebook. Right. So he's just throwing in some of the

insults that he remembers her saying, but not the justifications for them. Yeah. So he's just throwing in some of the insults that he remembers her saying, but not the justifications for them. Yeah. And he's doing that, but he's also doing it to win that argument with his niece, because it's like, well, I'm going to say all the things that she said, but at the end, he converts. So it turns out I was right all along in my thing that I'm writing. Yeah. This is very much a shower argument of a movie. Yeah. And honestly, I wish this portrayal of atheism was true. Just every time you have to do an activity in the church,

you know, you guys are all a bunch of fucking hypocrites, right? Right? Anyway, thank you for the free cookies. I don't know why I said that. Yeah. Right. No, so she's like, wow, you got here even earlier than me. He's like, yeah, I was checking the perimeter of the building.

He adds in of the building as though he was like, I wasn't checking out your perimeter. I was building of the city. I wasn't doing the whole town anymore. They told me to stop. Also, this is one of the first really lovely music moments where just as she meets him, oh yes, the music you, I'm pretty sure the music you're saying she's about to be attacked by a jaw is just like, and then Bill Brutty pops up. The music in this movie constantly seems to think something way more, like the music you're saying she's about to be attacked by Joel's is like, and then Bill Brottley pops up. The music in this movie constantly seems to think something way more, like the music should stop at a certain point and go, oh, my, my bag guys, I just assumed there was so. Sorry, are you guys making a movie in here?

We're using the studio. I brought all these dramatic strings. I don't know what to do with. This is also where we get the first of Bill Broadley's wisdom, what I call a broad leasem. You can't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes it can lead you in the right direction, which made me really picture this guy just staring super hard at a book's cover. Yeah, like, I love this. Like sometimes the book cover can lead you in the right

directions. Like, yes, because a book cover isn't there to throw you off the set. All right, great pink cover. Oh, it's a murder mystery. Okay. And like, if I judge this movie by its cover, I'd expect to see a lot more of John Rattenberg for. For one. And for Renzo Lama's when it comes right down to the issue. Yeah, it's fair. Yeah. So, but this is also where she starts in with the like, she's just like out of the blue. She's like, you know, believe in Jesus or think very much of church, do you? And I'm like, why the fuck would she bring that up?

But Bill, incapable of dishonesty is like, yeah, you guys are a bunch of fucking hypocrites and you suck. you fucking suck. I love what he says here. He says, people are people whether they have religion or not. What I don't like is this idea that's something better than others because they believe in something. Sooner or later, they'll all be exposed as hypocrites. And I wrote, did a diatribe write this?

Yeah. I wrote later in my notes. I'm like, Bill, this is a weird thing for the diatribe guy from the scathing atheist to tell you, but come the fuck down. It's so amazing to see what Christians think we don't like about them. It's that I'm too handsome. You Christians, the problem is you're all too handsome and too smart. And your book makes too much sense. I hate it.

That's so hard on me. There's a really lovely moment this thing as well because she's already asked him like, have you found anything out? He said, oh, it's too early to tell. It's like, yeah, because you've just walked around the outside of the building. You haven't even met anyone yet. It's way too early to tell. I can't tell from the perimeter of the building. No. Yeah, exactly. And then he says, oh, so is the money kept with the past? And she says, No, we decided to keep it not in the pastor's room in a different room for more accountability. It's like, right, but you thought there was more accountability and keeping the money in a room that nobody guards. That's more accountability in a room that nobody's always in right that anybody could just go in. Yeah, exactly. And I mean, if you wanted more

accountability, why not a bank account? So We wanted to keep everything free and clear. So we got that pig from squid games and we just hang all the money from the ceiling. That way. So yeah. So she takes them to the money safe room. And along the way, they passed janitor Lorenzo Lamas. This is Gerald. Yes, the character's name. And she immediately says, Bill Brodly, private I, this is Gerald Dog Church, Kertica. And I thought, do you all private I like to be introduced with a job title right away? Because I've got to feel like something like to sort of slow play that to try and learn stuff.

And there's this amazing, like weird sexist moment that happens immediately upon these two guys meeting. This is the you're going to rape or no you're gonna rape or fuck. Yeah, right. Yes. Yeah, Bill's like, so you're a man and you knew that there was a woman alone in a big building. Are you okay with that? And he's like, why would the size of the building matter?

I don't, there's so much that doesn't make sense. I mean, if anything, a big building is better than a small building, if you were alone with somebody you unsaved. Right, yeah, you'd have more places to run and hide. Yeah. Also, the caretaker here looks like if you put small time crook into that AI picture engine,

this is what it is. Yeah, absolutely. And so she's like, well, I better take him to the safe room and he's like, you know what, I'll take him to the safe room. And he's like, you know, what? I'll take him to the safe room because maybe he was going to rape you. Then if that's his thing, they might as well do like a top of the bat race for who gets to not rape her on the safe. Yes. There's also what's amazing about these two characters is that they're supposed to not like each other. But you know, eventually they see eye to eye because they both are good men with good hearts. Except the space aliens who wrote this movie have no idea why people would not like each

other or like each other or what human speech sounds like. So they'll just start frowning at each other randomly at this point and continue to the end of the movie. Well, no, and then, and then randomly halfway to the movie, they'll suddenly not be like that. And we're nothing will happen to change the way they feel about one another. No, they will basically be like, fuck you, fuck you. And then somewhere in the middle of the like, have a tea party.

And then they go back to fuck you, maybe it's unclear. Yeah, well, several care that there are several turns that this movie takes with its various characters where you're like, what did something happen off screen, off camera that you didn't, is that gonna be filled in in the prequel? So yeah, so Bill and Gerald head over to the safe room to check it out. I wrote in my notes at this point,

Bill is automatically at war with everyone he meets, he's like a house cat. He really is. Just every he immediately begins to criticize the safe. Yeah. Yeah, right. He walks into the safe. He's like,

Oh, this is fucking stupid. Then he takes a photo of the empty safe with the world's smallest camera because he's private detective. So he's clearly got like that James Bond spy equipment. Yeah. right. What does he hope to learn from taking a photo of the empty safe? Like, here's where the money should have been.

Okay, that's a lot of information. It's very important. Later. He asks how the money is kept in the safe. She's like, in envelopes, he's like, I see. I see. Groud's taking gravity. Okay.

Also, have you got a key to this, if it is very clearly a combination lock safe, maybe very very very. I was really hoping we would get some bad pantomime where she was like, yes, good. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, so Bill doesn't trust anybody. He's got a picture of the safe now. So everything is pretty much under control.

So now Lorenzo Lamas is showing Bill around the church and he comes across the locked door. This is the door to the music room and he's not allowed to go into the music room. It's private. What? What I liked about this was he says you know what's in here. He said, you know, a small music group rents it practiced in there. And I really, really hope at that point, he opened the door and he would do the broom closet. So yeah, like I said, there were really small,

very small, there were a bar holders. Yeah. Now, we should point out, because they make a whole big deal of, like somebody has to go get a key and they have to get permission. And this is, there will never be any payoff to this whatsoever. He doesn't find anything in the music room.

There's no reason for this. I can only imagine that someone like someone who made this movie is part of a music group and someone used their room without permission. They were like, put that in the movie, put what a violation that not even a private investigator would go into your music room. I was still watching this film for clues to add the money words and I thought that's an awfully big flat screen TV on the wall of that church for 2014. That's like a 60 inch or something. Oh, wow. You've spent some money on that one.

Yeah, there you go. Well, yeah, and again, the only reason because there's nothing about this music room that is relevant, the only thing I can imagine that this scene is doing is you're telling people, you're telling churches specifically whose money comes up missing. Well, even if you just hire a private eye, they're going to want to go in your music room and get their crubby little hands all over your, your sheet music, probably. Again, if this church is filled with evidence of the murders, this scene makes sense. Right.

Absolutely. Maybe they weren't sure whether they were making this one about thou shalt not steal or thou shalt not kill, so they thought they could do some cross-up. Right. Yeah, okay. All right, maybe they were like setting up for the thou shalt not kill movie later.

Gotta hope they'll take place in the same church. You just find the morals, the morals of this church just like gets worse and worse across the series. Okay, so then we can snoop it around the Sunday school classroom and Constance is like she comes up by and she's like really or you're You're seriously looking in the Sunday school classroom for fucking clues Clues is that what you're looking for and he's like yeah, yeah, I'm looking in all the rooms of the building that was robbed Yeah, and again the movie seems to think that we'll all agree that that is very obviously

a violation of some. Yeah, the Sunday school, they called you to find the money, not find the criminal. Right. Well, yeah, and of course, Bill's answer has to be insane because this is written by an insane person. So she's like, you realize this is a Sunday school class, right? And you would be surprised to fucked up shit that I have caught toddlers doing. Yeah.

He says something about laying charges like like he's laid charges against six year olds. It's right to wear. Right. Also, she says about how, you know, well, you know, we had to have the kids learn something called the 10 commandments. It's like, yeah, but she's only focusing on the not stealing one. There's not a point. Yeah, no, we're constantly telling these six-year-olds not to make idols of other gods,

but these one kids will just not quit sculpting tributes to bathroom. It's on the number of times we have to stop it. Really? Every time we turn around, we're like, Tyler, is that another golden calf? Are you making high places? God damn it. You're going to get a disease in your feet, Tyler. like Tyler, is that another golden calf? Are you making high places? God damn it. You're gonna get a disease in your feet, Tyler.

And I also love again, because Bill, all his lines are insanity. He says, well, you know, in my experience, the only difference between a Christian thief and an atheist thief is that only one of them is a hypocrite. And I'm like, but like atheists also say you shouldn't steal shit. Do you guys think that we're okay with theft? Yeah.

Well, I just wrote in fairness, there is nothing about atheism that stops anyone being a hypocrite. Yeah, right. Trust me, atheists can also be hypocrites. So and now of course, Pastor Stevenson Bill are going to meet face to face for the first time. How? How is this the first time the meeting? He hired him.

Yeah. How have they missed each other? He's been in that church all day. As has the pastor has been some sort of French fast. Well, one walking through the middle of the walk. I know they said it's a big building, but how big is this building? Yeah, so, uh, but and Pastor Stephens is like, Hey, man, um, all of this asking people questions and pointing out what a budget shitty hypocrites,

Christians are, it's really, it's really bummed everybody out. Can you dial that back a little? He's like, no, I absolutely can't. You guys are a bunch of hypocrites. Is there a nicer way for you to solve this $30,000 theft? Yeah. He's like, look, I know it's a criminal investigation. And we're like, do you guys think it's like, this is a criminal investigation? Because it's not really. He's just a private detective. You've got to guy.

That's just a person. Yeah. Also, it has been a terrible investigation so far because he so far, he's talked to three people, one of whom he asked no questions, oh, because he doesn't ask any questions to the pastor here. And then he's walked around a bit inside a church and I thought, I bet he's on a day rate. I bet he's charging them a day rate.

He's just slow walking this thing. Yeah. Literally slow walking as well. Yeah. And he's like, you know, look,'s just slow walking this thing. Yeah. Literally slow walking as well. Yeah. And he's like, you know, look, I'd love to help you out, but a big part of my method is constantly telling your secretary what a fucking hypocrite she is. And he's like, oh, well, you know,

that's part of your method, I guess. Okay, then. Yeah, I mean, I guess as long as she's not the one who stole the money, that's ridiculous. But if she is, that'll really pay off. Yeah. Right. Right. So, and after that, after those three conversations

and the snooping, we go back to Constance's office. He's there with her and Pastor Steven. And he's like, I've concluded my initial investigation. What? How? How has he done that? How has he concluded any part of his investigation at all? He's learned nothing.

Right. So I figured out where your coffee is. So that's the initial portion. And investigation has three parts. One, perimeter, two, yell at everyone in the building. Three, look at some of the rooms, not all of them. We have some of them making progress. So he's like, I've got this list though.

These are the people that I need to interview as part of my investigation. Apparently, I brought a printer with him. This is a printed fucking list. But the pastor looks at the list and he's like, oh, I don't know, man. You shouldn't talk to this many people. Why should he not talk to that many people? Yeah. And to give all the suspects.

If you don't care about your money, just tell him to stop looking. Right, so okay, for the rest of this movie, they will act like the only way that one could potentially interview a suspect or a person who might have information about your investigation is to attach electrodes to their genitals.

Yeah, right? To be fair, they are right because of detective Bill Brodley, investigation is to attach electrodes to their genitals. Yeah. Right? To be fair, they are right because of detective Bill Brodley, but there's no reason to believe that. All right. Yeah, they shouldn't know that yet. Yeah. They literally make the argument that there's no reason for him to talk to the troubled

teens. Yeah. Well, right, and not only is there no reason from to talk to him, but he absolutely can't because if he talks to him, then their trust in the church will be broken. Why? Is that their assumption that the church will have a no questions ask policy to rule breaking and law breaking because that that that would be fair at that point. Yeah. We know the church is very keen to cover things up. I could imagine if you expected the church has covered stuff up and suddenly you're being asked questions, you'd be like, well, hang on, that's not what I'm here for.

Right. Yeah. But he's going through the groups, the past is going through the groups of like who you're not allowed to talk, don't talk to convicted criminals, don't talk to trouble teens. What about the how to break into safe groups? Surely they're beyond suspicion. Surely we couldn't possibly think it was them. I also love at one point Bill Brodley is trying to say, he's saying, look, I have to interview

all of these people. You lost $30,000 of other people's money. You have a fiduciary duty to get it back. I'm like, that's not what inconceivable means at all. Yeah. He's really putting the douche into fiduciary duty. And then by the way, outside we have to, so it's so painfully obvious that she's the one who done it. They have to desperately throw a red herring on here.

So we get pastor Stevens walking outside and sweaty stand the accountant says, Oh, hey, I just, uh, Pastor Stevens, I wanted to explain my motive for stealing 30,000, if it turns out that it was me, I want to explain that I have a motive to, I have some trouble at work about an audit. It's very vague. It's very vague trouble. So then we get constants arriving home, pulling into our parking lot for the second time in the movie. Bitchie exercise daughter comes out to be angry that the car wasn't there

for her to go exercise sooner. What is this simultaneous arrival slash departure schedule that they have? The only way that this works is they've Brenda waits by the door. Caesar mom start to pull in and then just grabs her yoga mat and starts off like, oh, hey, I was just headed to the gym. Can't talk. Right. But she's all pissed off because she's like, I wanted to take your card and go to the gym, but dammit. Now abused daughter wants you to pick her up from work. Yeah. I guess you've got to pick up her and her abused children. and I'll just be late to Pilates like a asshole. And that's that scene. Yeah, it said Brenda just sort of dramatically flounces off, but it's very difficult to dramatically flounce off when they rolled up Yorgamat, took to the office.

Yeah, it really punches the effect. Looses a lot of the power. Yeah. All right, well, I'll tell you what, since nothing ever rises above boring ass family drama that you kind of wish that your co-workers would stop talking about in this movie, we're gonna call that the end of the fact too and take ourselves a break. But don't worry, we'll be back afterwards, though I can see why you were worried. It's pretty awful.

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Seriously? Bill, thank you so much for trying to help us recover the money. No problem. Here's the list of people I'd like to interview. Oh, interview, come on, I don't know about that. Yeah, sir. Maybe some way that we could do this a bit more discreetly. Sorry, you'd like me to find out who stole your money without asking anyone any questions. Yeah, yes, please. Yeah, that would be great. Um, okay. Well, I'll tell you what, why don't we start by you letting me check out the church

for clues. I'll look around the building. Ooh, some of those rooms are private. So, you know, we would have to ask. Sorry, the rooms in your church are private. Yes. So the music club keeps the music in that. Yeah, that's not private.

That's just where someone keeps a thing. I want to look in this place. I'm not comfortable letting you in there without asking them. Me neither. Me neither. Okay. So just to be clear, you'd like me to find the money without talking to anybody or looking in any of the places.

Yes. I mean, that's exactly. What am I supposed to do? Just like, hey, anybody steal the money? Pretty pleased with sugar on top? Yeah, I did. I did it. Okay, that worked. Amazing, great detective work, sir.

Nope, it wasn't. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to reopen with Constance and Brenda talking to Julie about her abuse of husband. This is where we have to see like the sister conflict. Yeah. And again, this will never pay off. No, make any sense.

Brenda's just like stupid getting abused by your husband. Idiot. She totally does. And in fairness, you're saying, oh, you know, it's stupid that you've just got one joint account between you. You know what, I'm there for absolutely having a single shared account between the two of you. Not a great, have a shared account that you both kick into for bills.

Absolutely fine. Even if it's not even split, but one account for the two, you put all your money in, but idea to me, financial independence. Yeah, this is not, that's not a necessary thing, right? This, that and like taking off your wife's garter at the wedding ceremony are things we can just leave behind my friends. Don't need that anymore. Yeah, so it meant my wife and I've had Jonah camp for like 25 years, but you know,

I like it's not for everybody. Sure. Yeah, I mean, you were children when you got together. We were so kind of, yeah, to be fair. Listen to what's enabled open a bank account. He was only 13 years old, right? She have to get there. They give her a little pilot's wings. I know this is very funny the way that you're going to judge.

You're taking it. So okay. So and of course, this is another instance where like the music kicks in halfway through the scene and it's like it's trying to compensate for missing the first half by being overly dramatic for the second. the scene and it's like it's trying to compensate for missing the first half by being overly dramatic for the second. It definitely does. It's all sudden and expected that I I spat my teeth out pretty much.

Yeah. It's like this is the first time that I'd written. It's like the music director turned up late to the edit and then felt too guilty to ask them to go back. So you put the music in at that point. Exactly. I'll just pick up from here guys. It's fine.

It's fine. It's my fault. Dave, was that a choice to not have any music in the front of the music in at that point. Exactly. I'll just pick up from here, guys. It's fine. It's fine. It's my fault. Dave, was that a choice to not have any music in the front of the scene? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Traffic on 9.95 was hell that thing. So yeah, but while they're having this conversation, this sister fight, abusive husband

calls. Now, Julie doesn't want to talk to him. So we have to watch constants do this incredibly awful job of doing a one-sided conversation. Oh, you know what? Look, these are always bad and TV and movies, but you never appreciate how much worse they could be until you watch a Christian movie actor. Be like, you're going to do what? Well, I don't think you should. Well, now it's my turn to talk. Oh, it's amazing. You can't help but do better. You're leaving pauses where the other person would talk. She didn't do any of that shit. No. But once again, following

the theme of this movie, they decide not to call the cops, but to call the private investigator again. Yeah. Like the little sister's like, let's call the cops. but to call the private investigator again. Yeah, like the little sister's like, let's call the cops and the mom's like, oh, I could call Bill. Oh, call the fucking cops, call the fucking cops. Why would you call Bill? It makes no sense. He's not even the love interest yet. But yeah, unless he is on a day, right? And stuff like, I could call Bill because we've already got him for the rest of 24 hours. So it's basically value for money at this point. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Yeah, so she calls Bill and she's like, hey, you know, my daughter's abusive husband is coming over, possibly armed, possibly want to kill her. Do you mind like standing between him and her? And he's like, oh, yeah, no, I would stand between him and her for sure. All in a day's work for a private investigator who's been pulled in to investigate a robbery in a church you work out. I'm just trying to picture doing this with anything else. Like, hey, Tony, he can't actually make it to the record this week. Do you mind stepping

into game? Tony, our accountant, would you just start up game, Tony Arkham? Would you just start? I'm up in. If not, we can ask Julie the bookkeeper. I mean, we get to see. We get to see. We get to see. Yeah, but Bill is like, oh, yeah, sure. So he pulls up over to the place. And I love that she's like, sorry for calling you over here.

I would have called the cops, but I didn't want to waste their time. It's actually, it's worse than that. It is. I didn't want to be the good. It's actually, it's worse than that. It is, I didn't want to be the little boy who cried wolf. Yeah, right, but the point is, it's like you still are just two a different person now. Instead of someone in fact who is paid by your taxes to do this kind of shit, you just call some random smell. This also implies that in the universe of this movie, like the police stand there for 10

minutes and they're like, they said you said a guy was coming over to do another. You have another 20 minutes and then you don't get to call the police for a month. All right. No matter how much you get murdered, we are not coming back here. Well, Bill is so bad at this. You know, she's like, it's probably nothing. He's probably just blowing off steam. He's like, I don't know.

You know, I've seen a lot of daughters beaten to death by abusive husbands. I mean, a lot, I have pictures on my phone, actually, if you want to look at something, well, he's the one who said that the husband is probably just blowing off steam. It's like, yeah, just wait to undermine the abuse there. It's like, oh, no, it's fine. He, I know you've tried to kill your daughter, but it's fine. He was just blowing off steam. It's like, yeah, just wait to undermine the abuse. Oh, no, it's fine. I know you tried to kill your daughter, but it's fine. He was just blowing off steam. It's perfectly acceptable in, yeah, absolutely fine. The weird angry guy in our writer's room would like

me to say that not everyone who calls to yell violent threat to their mother and law means that how much do you deserve being yelled at over the phone? They don't always make good on those threats. Sometimes they're just empty threats. You see, sometimes she's just threatened. Yeah, and she's like, would you like to come in and, you know, where there's light and it's in warmth? And he's like, no, no, I'll hover outside of your house for the next several hours.

It's fine. Sorry. I'm having a really good run on Tetris on my Game Boy color. He definitely indicates that he doesn't want to come in until her two adult daughters step outside. Oh, and that case, no, no, if you daughter's here, then definitely not. Right. Oh, I thought we were going to fuck it. There was clearly, we're not going to wait. Are we going to? Okay. No, yeah. we're not. I got outside. Yeah, outside jerk off in my car. So, oh, and then we have to cut over to the church so that we can get this movie's worst

actor. She's the fucking bat. Oh, she's drowning on the English language. Every time she opens her mouth, she's amazing. This is teen outrage lady that doesn't want her troubled teens investigated in this damn investigation. Okay. So here's what happened, right? This actress if because that's not a legally protected term is the most attractive person, the people who made this movie. No. Yes. They were like, okay, you know, your daughter currently is hot.

So she's in the movie and they were like, clearly you speak English flowingly, right? She was like, absolutely. And they were like, even when you've memorized the words beforehand, she was like, yeah, yes. I also have a theory here. I think this actress recently got in Visaline and hasn't quite fully adjusted to them yet. Okay. Yes.

And I think she paid for them with the money from this her first ever acting job. Yeah, right. Right exactly. I wrote her speeches somehow out of focus. How do you do that?

Doesn't even make sense. It's like she constantly seems like she was pretty sure that the sentence ended there, but it actually keeps going on the next page, right? Yeah. She had that kind of delivery. It's got a real, the cue cards are a little too far away, vibe.

And I would love to meet, meet you later. I said, Mel, I'll melt you. I'll say, well, I keep all this in the moving. So. Yeah, but we meet her for a minute. And then we head back to Constance's place because apparently when he said, I don't want to go in. What he meant is perhaps you and I could sit outside for the several, the next several hours together.

Yep. Right? He didn't want to intrude by coming inside. He wanted to intrude by her going outside. I'm actually a little cold out here. Sit stay outside with me on the front porch. But yeah, but this is where we get his back story. She's like, so you've got a wife for a girlfriend or he's like, no, I'm a hard boiled detective. I'm married to the force. Well, not the force, but you know, the job that I do. I'm married to my own personal police precinct by myself.

My boss is a real asshole. Let me tell you, he makes me turn in my gun and batch. This is basically why he just reads out his whole character summary in one goal. Just the paragraph that you give to the actor to set the character up. He just reads that out. Yes, fine. Yeah, right. I'm married to the force to set the character up. He just reads that out. Yes, fine.

Yeah, right. I'm married to the forest. I had two bad marriages. No kids. I'm too driven for that. It's not that I'm selfish. It's that I'm too driven for kids. Yeah.

When he said, when he said he's too driven, I wrote, that's right. Heath, it's because you're too driven to have kids. Too driven. Too driven. This is also where she reveals her backstory that her husband left her for a girl he met on the internet. Right. Right. And he's like, should I go kick his ass? Do you want me to go kick his ass? I'll kick his ass for you. Yeah. His first reaction to bringing up the men in her life is you want me to beat him up? You'll need to be there.

Really wanted the male men to come over. I got a package for you. Want me to kick the guys ass down? Bill? Yeah, and then we have to eventually turn this conversation to her, you know, having her doubts about God apparently. Right. This conversation had been so boring that her crisis of faith is what perked me back up and got me back in. Right.

Thank God that's all that fear. Rather than this like so past sort of dialogue that I've been subjected to. There's also this great moment where she's trying to explain how relevant the Bible is. She's like, well, you know, a lot of people find it a lot of relevant advice in the Bible. And I wrote my notes. For example, do you have any disloyal slaves? You've been wondering how to punish her. And then to wrap this scene up in the weirdest possible way, he leaves for no reason.

And then abuse daughter comes out and she's like, uh, is he investigating? I'm so, she's so chipper. Even though the reason he came over because, was because her abuse of spouse was threatened to kill her, she's, she's so chipper. even though the reason he came over because, was because her abuse of spouse was threatened to kill her, she's, she's so chipper. It's, it's like she's totally forgotten. Let the actress has forgotten what she's meant to be doing at this point. Right. I winged man to pretty good there, mom, huh? Yeah.

My husband was going to kill me. That was pretty good. She's not even married. She's not even married. She invented the beautiful husband just to get her over. Just trying to get mom away. Nothing gets a man wetter than the stopping a potential abuser. Am I right? Right? So the next morning, Constance pulls up to work again. This is for bills already there. He's already hard at investigating the perimeter. What are you looking for? But I'm looking Put print, I'm looking for footprints now this time. Honestly, you know what?

They haven't let them talk to anybody or open any doors. I too would just be like, I guess I'll check the bushes for 30,000 dollars. I'm going to charge you guys. So I better be charging for something. I have time to lean. Well, but then he explains that he's not even there for work. He just didn't want her to be alone in a big building. So he showed up to protect her.

Or because he knew that there was a vulnerable woman in a big building. She has no way of really knowing which that is does she know. Fucking idiot. But this is the day of the big interviews, right? So he's like, so hey, you know, all the people I'm going to interview are any of them, particularly, you know, Thiefy, do you, uh, any advice? Um, maybe you think the pride did it. Yeah. And she says, sorry, I can't help you. And I wrote my notes. Why? Why can't you

help me? I feel like you should not even, not even can, but should help him. Yeah. I feel like you should, not even, not even can, but should help him. Yeah. We need to rob this movie. We'll literally never get caught. So then we're going to get the series of interviews, right? So we're starting with Bill interviewing Stan the sweaty accountant in front of the big save that he's moved into the middle of the church now. Those things are really heavy on him.

Yeah, like it's safe. So I meant to be pretty happy. Right, yeah, exactly. So just stupid prop. Now of course Stan is doing his damnedest to be the guilty looking guy, right? And and kudos to this actor. He's pretty awful, but he does pull off guilty pretty well. Oh, yeah, he's like mopping the back of his head, like a Simpson's character or something

that that it's solid guilt work. The information that's revealed about Stan in this scene that will never be revisited is very troubling because he's like, have you ever lost money before and Stan's like, oh, yeah, all the time. Have you ever put money of your clients accounts into the wrong account? Yep. Nope. Done that. Have you ever stolen money?

Yes, yes, I have stolen money. Are you a habitual gambler? Sure I am. Yep, sure I am. All right. Well, you're free to go. Yeah, you will literally never be in this movie again. Well, but so now, of course, he doesn't say you're free to go.

He has to do his full blown. Tell me about the code red moment here, which he does to every single person he interviews. Yeah, it's this whole thing. So first of all, the suspicion we're meant to be putting on stand here is like, oh, because his firm has been audited, maybe he stole the money. But if your firm's being audited, isn't stealing money a bad idea because it'll turn up in

the audit that you've got money that you can't afford. Right. It's a terrible time to steal money. And they ask him, well, what were you doing on Sunday? And he's like, I was with my brother Frank and then my wife, but what were you doing? And I really wanted Stan to say, I was having sexual intercourse. And then I saw my wife. And he said, oh, well, you know, if you don't tell me, then I saw my wife.

And he says, oh, well, you know, if you don't tell me, then I'll have to bring you a brother in. It's like, you've got no jurisdiction to bring the brother in. No, you can't bring people in. You can harass him and his job, maybe. It doesn't even make fucking sense. Excuse me, sir. I'm a private investigator hired by a separate church. Your brother didn't give me the answers I wanted when I talked to him. Will you come with me? Oh, you left. Okay. Okay. I love this. I don't know. It goes sometimes. So, okay. So we get done with the stand

interview. Now it's time to interview Lorenzo Lama, right? And I love it. Lorenzo Lama's character, Gerald, is trying to alpha male him the whole fucking time. And I think that's because that's just what Lorenzo Lamas does whenever he interacts with another man. Yep. Absolutely. I have to point out something that is so spiritually and sexually important to me. When he opens up Lorenzo Lamas' file, we get a flash of Lorenzo Lamis's head shot at the very top of the file and it is wonderful. Well, the whole file is wonderful if you pause it because we've got the notes that Bill has taken to help him in this investigation.

And so I pause those. So one of his notes on Gerald the Caretaker here is enthusiastic about working at the church. Not sure that's a note about the investigation. No, no. No, no. No, no. Is the note parents both died in his early childhood? I don't know. It's pertinent to this investigation, unless you think Gerald is actually artful dodger in this car. Yeah, so but we he talks about his criminal history. He was on probation, but then he found Jesus. So now he's good, right? Yeah. Yeah. He says, I've got a purpose. And at that point, the music director slams the nearest piano to him, just whatever keys he's got at a random point is your purpose of pop scare, by the way? Is it a big change? My notes here were, all Lorenzo Lamas, you woke up the music.

Also, I'm not only sure that Lorenzo Lamas dies his hair. I'm convinced he's in the middle of dying his hair in this interview. Oh, man. This is a man who dies his body hair. Yeah. This is a man who hovered underneath what ran down Giuliani's head during that

press conference. There's a lovely line that he says to bail as well when he says, you know, about why you always talk about the Bible so much. And he says, if you're the worst criminal in the world, but you had an in with the judge, would you keep it a secret? Well, yes. Obviously, you want that to be disbarred, to be terrible at the job. You would keep it as secret. Is that how Christian see themselves as criminals who happen to be able to bend the judges?

Yeah. That's not moral. Yes, though, but yes. Yes. Yeah. There was this thing in the United States with this guy named Kyle written. Now, he probably didn't hear about it, Marsha was. Yeah.

So yeah, so so he Bible quotes Adam a little bit. I get it's completely fucking's because it's the Bible And it's never relevant to anything and Bill says as he gets done with his little Bible quote He's like and you wonder what I have against Christians You're right Bill, but shut up man. X night on the Eastern Great Ateria. I do get it because I also hate that book But you got to find your moments but and but by the Lorenzo Lamis is like, Hey man, are we done here? Like obviously I'm not who don't you've read the script. You know that is like, yeah, I guess you not it.

But we did clarify that we're both very manly men. Right, yeah, exactly. We took our shirt off and did a tickle fight. And then it's time for him to interview pastor Steven's. And once again, he's got notes. Yep, so his notes on the pastor are raising a teenage daughter in his single modest home, brackets, college question marks, so a bit of a motivation there. But then he's got the note, enters the church from the side entrance and eats lunch

at the same table each day. Which is a really weird detail to include, how he gets in. We want, especially because he's only been there one day. Yeah, yeah, how does, there's also the handwritten note, light-hearted man. Really? Yeah, yeah, that's on it. He's written that in hand, in his handwriting. So, presumably that's come out handwritten note, light-hearted man. Really? Yeah, yeah, that's on it.

He's written that in hand writing. So presumably that's come out of this interview, but nothing about this interview, all this character of this pastor at any point, says he's a light-hearted man. There's nothing at all about him. I guess he was just struggling with the compliment sandwich at some point. I don't know. Yeah, because the pastor's like, the liar, at one point he says, the liar will burn in a lake of fire and sulfur. Anyway, I'm a very light hearted.

I know you have fun, ready? And look, I know we've made fun of actors here on this podcast, but I would just like to say, I think it's pretty lazy that this actor ran a full marathon before deciding to do this thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Literally, I've never seen a more breathless performance. Yeah. I mean, it was brave him to do this while suffering from COVID because statistic. He's in all sorts of risk factors. Yeah. But, but so Bill breaks it down. He's like, hmm, so your wife died. And you've got a young daughter that you're trying to raise on

your own. And college is coming up. How are you going to pay for it? He's like, are you suggesting he's like, who ordered the code, Raddy? He's like, don't do this again. We just sat through this twice, man. We just do this with two other characters. You have no other approaches. I don't like to cut your nipples. Okay.

And not in a good way. But yeah, he's like, he has to give the whole, I'm not perfect, but I'm forgiven speech. Which again, like fucking poor Bill has heard three times from different characters at this point. And to be clear, in any other scenario, except a Christian movie, if someone starts screaming at you about how they're not perfect,

but they're forgiven by a 2,000 year old Bronze Age morality book. They did it. Yes, they did the thing that you're talking about. 100%. Yes, absolutely. And of course, Bill has to point out how silly his religion is,

a little more cleverly than the movie usually allows him to. He's like, yeah, but I mean, if you took the money, you would just ask for forgiveness, and then Jesus would have to forgive you, right? And he's like, yes, but then I would have to lie to you about it now. And that's against the commandments. He's like, yeah, but you can ask for forgiveness for that too, right? You guys.

Uh, us. I will have you know, there are several, several sentences in the Bible that condemned stealing nearly six in their entirety. in the Bible that condemned stealing. Nearly six. You just step in their entirety. Yeah, exactly. Allow me to shout them at you, like a teenage daughter through a closed bedroom door. And that's not a teenage door, but I was really thinking. Yeah, right.

Exactly. Exactly. So, okay, so then apparently he needs a minute to catch his breath. There's just one line that the pastor says that really through me. His staccato, Shatner, rest delivery itself was kind of off-line all the through. But there's one line that really through me because he said, and you know, it carries out God's wrath on the wrong doer. It's like, hang on. No, you mean wrong doer? Oh, one word. The way you in Tonda made it sound like a case of mistake and identity.

Yeah, we were going for this doer, but we carried out on the wrong doer. The doer, it's your countess. All right. And then we get the rest of the interviews in like a little montage. And it's all characters we haven't met. Yeah. Right. So he interviews old lady we haven't met young lady. We haven't met middle age lady. We haven't met. Yeah, he interviews the lady from the ring. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. And this montage to make it even more insane is set to Spanish guitar love making.

Spanish guitar, love making music. It is. Well, so this is the, this is when I first realized that the music that the soundtrack was sarcastic. And once you realize that every decision makes perfect fucking sense, it's like, oh, are we can just show, well, some fucking flamenco then for you. God damn it. But okay, but finally, the montage ends and it's time for him to do his final interview of the day, Constance. And I want to be clear that the plot of this movie

appears to be that he is physically incapable of doing bad cop because he's like, oh yeah, obviously I knew I would have to interview you. So just the standard fuck you. Are you a thief? You saggy old whore? And he goes, well, so have you ever stolen from the church? And she's like, well, stationery. I mean, obviously we all steal stationery. That's the sort of the plot of the movie, the underpinning of the movie. And he says, so you are a thief. And she's like, well, I mean, stationery thief, I don't think it counts. And then he goes, fall, tell me about the code red again. Yeah. And he, he seems like he's riding her way harder than anyone else in this investigation. I thought, this is a sex thing for him, isn't it? Is that why his previous two wives left him? Because there's only so many interrogations

in you can roleplay before you start to lose energy for the scene. I get it. Yeah. Once you get to raging ball, they leave. Yeah. All right. And then so we get, this is so fucking weird. We get Brenda, the bitchie daughter, coming home from a run. She's always exercising and she's snooping around on our mom's room when she finds this prayer note. And the prayer note is all about, you know, dear God, please help Brenda be a little more

helpful around the house and stop being such a bitch all the time. Yeah, I will say though, mom's got nice handwriting. I have described it in my notes as the opposite of Madison call thorns. I felt like maybe mom's just been leaving conspicuous prayer notes around hoping the daughter would find them eventually. I didn't know this with a thing. So I hope to people actually write their prayers down. Is it like kind of like a letter to Santa?

You got a right. You got to put it in the fire blaze and then go up to God. I don't think it's a thing. I die. But yeah, but she finds it's just passive aggressive then. It's just passive aggressive mommy. Right. But it's effective passive aggressive m. It's just passive aggressive mommy. Right, but it's effective passive aggressive mommy.

From this point on, bitchy daughter will be cured instantly. Yeah. In that one moment done. Completely different personality prayer answer. Okay. So now teen outrage lady is back to Garble at us a little bit more. She's getting interviewed by Bill. I don't know how you described that.

You conflated outreach and outrage, which is absolutely perfect for her character. She's done outrage lately. Oh, yeah, there you go. I did it on purpose. My favorite thing about this scene is that the end she goes, I have to go and then doesn't get up to go.

Yes. Yes. And my favorite light here is when it bills, right? She says, none of the kids that I am watching to outreach with did it. And he goes, so wait, you're suddenly an expert in criminal mind. That's a quote, nobody involved with this movie

even knew what she would be an expert in then that would be relevant. So you're saying you know CSI and SVU. Bones. There's a really weird thing at the very end of this scene as well because we cut for like about a second back to the Pounty Delta in the mum's house and I thought did we tape over the last scene tape over the floor? Right.

Just going back to where we were. So, okay. So now Bill comes storming into Pastor Stevens office to like tell him, Hey, man, I can't do this job if you keep not letting me interview people, right? And they all seem to think that Bill is the bad guy. They hired him to get the money that's been stolen. And now suddenly he's the villain of the piece. Yeah. And instead of the pastor defending their decisions or their actions, pastors going to go on a rant about how awesome God is, like someone's defending their shitty troubled team.

Yeah. Right. Like they've been in the backyard, like trying to attack an owl in a tree with a stick for the last half hour in the mountains. I'll have you know, he's very interested in cars. And it's like 25 years old. Yeah. And the pastor says, you know, because Bill said, well, how can you always like defending God and things like that? If God's a great why you defending him, and the pastor says, well, defending God and seeing how great he is are two different things. He's like, yes, that's true. In that, the latter is just your opinion, whereas the former is you trying to justify your

opinion and get me to share it. Right. Yeah. Right. Exactly. He's like, I'm not defending God. I'm just constantly talking about how awesome he is in the face of obvious challenges to that fact is totally different.

I don't know why you would conflate those two things. Meanwhile, so we head back home to Brenda and now she's doing chores. So the chores montage, I figured this out. This is the director making this poor girl clean as fucking house. Yup. Right. He's like, oh, you would probably also clean out from under the stove too, right? We should probably get a shot of that.

Okay. Now look, there are many times that I get to rub how bad American cuisine is in that marshes face the bunch. If you were to guess what the fuck is happening when she pours the can of come into a dish and then what's that into it into an oven? I am baffled by this. She's just making some tasty white gloop that she's pushing it. It's like an off white slap like you would. It's pretty much what I would imagine pigs get. Yeah. Yeah. Also, I've got to say the music over this whole cleaning montage is very for just $5 a month. You can give Brent a better life. Yeah, we're real. You can sponsor a ginger of your very own. So yeah, so that we

cut back to the church, Constance is bringing Bill a, all right, that interrogation was a little much, but I'd still fuck you muffin. Yep. Right. There's a muffin for every occasion. Yeah, exactly. And this is where the movie thinks it's going to drop its first muffin. Yup, right. There's a muffin for every occasion. Yeah, exactly. And this is where the movie thinks it's going to drop its first hint. Now I'm going to help you podcast, Lister, because this makes no fucking sense. He's just like, Hey, is that your tote bag? And she's like, Yeah, it's the one I bring all the coffee stuff in. And he's like, Nice.

Can I have it? And she's like, Sure. And we, the movie viewer who have not read the script, are supposed to be like, sure. And we, the movie viewer, who have not read the script are supposed to be like, that's the tote bag. She stole the money. Well, it will eventually be revealed as the big clue, yes. And it's not even from her, is it? I thought the grocery bag comes from the janitor,

from Lorenzo Lama. So yeah, yeah, he's like, right, yes. So Bill asks, have you seen a toilet bag around here? And the janitor is like, yeah, yeah, it's in the cupboard here. He's asked, have you seen a tote bag around here? And the journalist is like, yeah, yeah, it's in the cupboard here. He's like, oh, thanks. Can I have this? I thought, is this just Bill trying to just scrounge whatever free shit he can get? Well, right. He's like, well, apparently they don't care at all about stationery. So I might as well get a tote bag. If the next thing was him walking out of the church

with a tote bag stuffeded stuffed restition. Well, I wrote like, does he, so he goes, can I keep this? And I wanted the resident who I must to go, why the fuck would you be able to keep it? No, you can't keep it. What are you talking about? What things in this building can I have? So the fact that this is the clue makes even less sense because we don't even see her with this bag. And nor does he at any point. We never see her with the bag and he doesn't does he? No, I think she has it the first day when they first meet.

I think I just want to look back and actually watch the fucking thing. But yeah, I think I get it. Okay. I've been there where we've been watching a Christian movie and I'm like, oh, maybe this is a reference to this and my hand hovers over the mouse for a second. And I'm like, yeah, it's a comedy podcast. It's a really, yeah.

Nobody's really trying to pay attention to the plot. All right, well, as I'm sure the listeners may have noticed, this movie really doesn't do like things happening and what not. So we're going to call that scene the end of act two and earn ourselves a break, but first let me give act three of the hard sell. Will Noah manage to concoct suspenseful sounding questions for the last throw?

Get questions really be meaningful when asked by such a zero dimensional film. Haven't I already used this cop out meta angle a couple of times before? By not the answers to something potentially when we return for the lethargic conclusion of ... grace of God. Hi, I have no illusions.

You know, with skeptic of the year, Michael Marshall on the podcast today, there's never been a better time for the shake test. Is this about Eli's baby again? Because I'm pretty sure I was really clear with him the first. No, no, no, no, no, not that shake test. The shake test for Raycon wireless earbuds. Oh, what a Raycon wireless earbuds. Raycon wireless earbuds are the best way

to bring audio with you because no matter how much you shake things up, literally no matter how much you shake, you know they won't fall out of your ears. Hit it Eli. Okay. That's right, we've attached our very own Eli Bosnick to a paint mixer for the remainder of this ad just to prove that Raycon wireless earbuds stay in no matter what you do with

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game. Oh, I will. You don't know. I feel like we tested it. I know. Oh, no, scientific speaking. I think we need at least 10 moments. You heard him skeptic of the air and all that.

No, I get it. Okay, Mrs. Swanson, just a quick interview, nothing too formal. Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, I want to see that money return just as much as you do. Of course you do. So first question I've got for you here, you suck. Sorry, what? You suck.

You're a smelly poop face. And the thing I know about smelly poop faces is that they love to steal money. Did you steal the money? No. Fat. You No, fat. You're also fat. Still no. Like, sorry, you know that insulting people

isn't like police work, right? There's other ways of finding out information. That sounds like something of fat smelly poop face would say to me. Excuse me, Bill. I'm sorry to interrupt, but little Jimmy's cat got stuck in a tree outside and, well, you're a tall enough fellow. You might climb in on a ladder and get it down.

Oh, no problem. I'll tell that cat he's a fucking bitch ass fuck face stat. Well, no, I don't need you... and he's gone. I think maybe we should've called the police? Yeah, probably. Fuck you, cat. Fuck you, Gat. Fuck you. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action watching Constance Pullup in her driveway for a third time. This is the fifth pullup all together now. If you told me this movie at this point was sponsored by like a break service in

confidence, it's home town. If it hadn't been for her missing the parking brake in the first one, yeah, exactly. It's just tires that sponsor it. Yeah. But this time though, when bitchy exercise daughter meets her on her way into the door, she says instead of I'm mad at you and I'm gonna go exercise, she says, Hey, why don't I go pick up my sister and her kids for you? There's a nice hot soup pot of gloop waiting for you.

There's a nice hot pot of cream, a gloop casserole. And she's laid the table for what is clearly a romantic dinner for full because it's all candles and the best crockery in things. Yep. Well, yeah, and it's amazing to do because we're going to see this dinner. The kids aren't there. I don't know. There are two children in this house that are only ever present if they're asleep.

Yeah, we've only seen those kids unconscious, which in retrospect is really worrying. Right. Yeah. No, if this is two dead kids that live at the house and maybe that's what they're trying to avoid bill buying. Nicole Kidman walks through in a wedding dress. Okay. I got it. It's all coming together. You know what? I didn't see that coming. But she, yes, she goes inside and the house is all cleaned up now. And there's a hot pot of gloop already there for her. And then, and then Bill shows up for no discernible reason within the universe of this book.

He might as well show up and say, yeah, I noticed that your daughter sat four places, but there's only three a y'all. So am I, am I in this scene? Yeah, he's got like a fucking six cents for available food. It's incredible. Yeah, he shows up and he's like, hey, I brought you some things in your church tote bag. Huh?

Tote bag brought it back. I'll make sense now. It's gonna make a lot of sense. To which, the constants replies, are you here to protect me from my abusive husband or are you here for some pussy? Am I right? Yeah.

It's an awful lot of that. my abusive husband or you're here for some pussy. Am I right? There's an awful lot of that. Yeah. He's like, do you want me to sit out in your driveway and master? I mean, sit out your driveway again tonight. And she's like, no, why don't you come in and eat dinner? We're having gloop. And he's like, I love gloop. I love gloop. This is where he says genuinely the most tragic line of the movie and they don't know it's I can't remember the last time I had a nice night. That's so sad. I probably I vote if I'm lucky I won't hit my dick on anything tonight. That'll be great. So this is where they come to like you see them starting to share the amazing meal that Brenda has cooked, but they started off by being in the kitchen and she talked, Constance, talked bill through sauteing some potatoes, which means that Brenda's weird white group has just gone straight in the bin. And it's like, it's like

when you're baking like apple pie or something and you've got some children there and you give them a little bit of runoff pastry to play with. You're helping. Yours is definitely going to be a death of a contributing to this whole situation. If you stay there and we'll just put whatever you do in the bin, whether you're not looking. Oh, yeah, that makes no sense because Eli's special pie is the best part of the outside. Yeah, the hardest part of making it is sprinkling the ice and sugar on top. That's the hardest part. You're absolutely right. Andy told me why would Andy lie to me? And also so, okay, so we get through the gloop, right?

So, and we skip do it all together, right? They're like, let's sit down and have some gloop and then we cut immediately to dinner being over bill helping with the dishes. Yeah, wild music director's like, fuck my nut, I don't know, stick something from pride and prejudice under it. Who can't? Who can't just sit over it? So he leaves after dinner is a very nice dinner.

He keeps the fucking tote bag. He stole in her bag. Yes. Which makes him a thief as well. So maybe he took the money. Oh, right. So okay. So mom comes in after dinner to thank Brenda for not sucking for a change.

And she's like, so did you have like a, you got a piphony off screen or something? Is your character arc done now? And she's like, yeah, believe it or not, I mean, I'm pretty much done. That is the extent of me being in the movie. It really is just me being slightly bitchy and then making you dinner once.

And that's, that gets us to that sweet, sweet 60 minutes. So yeah. Does she go silent for you mid sentence. Oh, in mind, the audio dipped out in the middle of a sentence, you're saying, I just realized that I've been blaming everyone else. Is that what did you say in the middle? What did you say? Did you swear? Have you been redacted?

What's happened to you? I, again, I think it's her forgetting the line midway through and then going like, ah, fuck it. Doing another take it to be a whole thing. I only have so many donuts. I ain't pressing this power button on this camera more than twice a day. I told you. I honestly think this is, this is Kate Marga. I think she said the N word.

I think she had a moment where she's got her lines and her default is just straight to the N word. Yeah. She was like, fucking octa-runes and they were like, it's okay, we'll cut it in post. Well, okay, and then mom just kind of casually says, oh, by the way, I'm the one that stole the money. Yeah, and the thing about this is when she said she stole the money, I actually had to thought earlier, oh, I think the mom stole the money, but then the movie was so boring, I genuinely forgot that I'd thought that. And then this line landed as a twist for me.

Which I thought maybe other movies should try that, you know, bore people so that really obvious reveals feel like a massive twist. Oh, there you go. Yeah. No way. And Nishan and I did that in the village. He already tried that. That's been done.

Oh, yeah. He's been doing that for about 20 years. Well, yeah, but here's the thing though, is that it is a twist it did. It was unexpected because it's the most obvious thing. And that's never the right. It's like, that's the first rule of making a who done it. Is it, it can't be the person that obviously was, but they didn't get that far. It's also stupid. Well, that too.

Yes. Right. You can't make a who-done-it where the answer is, let's dumb. Yeah. What am I supposed to be rooting for, or against now? What is this movie about at this point? Also, from Heyron in, I just wanted the rest of this film to be her going on the run and then Bill having hunted down like a no-controvert old man. Only if she takes the haircut

though. So yeah, so she's like, yeah, no, I stole the money to help Julie with the thing that I didn't know about until after the money went missing. It's a whole thing. It's a call forward. I don't even understand the terminology. I'll also say that Brenda is incredibly chill. She's like, Oh, I stole that money and Brenda's like, nice. Yeah. You know, if you actually like taken to account the amount of taxes that churches don't pay, let alone just like the damage that they've done to social structure, they all owe us more than $30,000. So good for you, mom. Okay. Yeah. good for you. Come on, if you hadn't taken it,

I'd probably want to pay it to keep rapists out of jail. So it's probably a good... Oh no, our cemetery fund, am I right, Mom? Come on. You're the bookkeeper, you know. And then, okay, I love this scene so much, this poor actor. We get Bill mellowed dramatically monologuing to himself about how he feel because he's figured out now that Constance is the thief and he doesn't want to turn her in because he loves her damn it and she needed the money and she's a good

Person but they don't give him a person to say any of that shit to so he's just screaming it into the sky He's talking to God. I don't know if this is just me. Have you ever talked to someone and you're testing the water to see if they're mad at you? That's how he's monologuing to God. Like, oh, why would you do this to me? You're busy. You're mad. You're mad. You're busy. And so this is his monologue, or at least he thinks that's a monologue. The music director thinks this is the big musical number because as soon as he says a word, just like a plunge. Oh, you're right.

And it's like he's about to launch into a song like it's lame is or something like that. Really wanted Javair to like, sidle into frame. Do you need help with this? Because actually a police officer is way out of tune. Right. But he knows that's her. He doesn't want to turn her in. He doesn't want to destroy his her whole family. So then he he Googles thou shalt not steal. He Googles. That's right. Yes. He Googles. Yeah. Of all of all of the things this movie didn't feel entitled to Google.com was apparently not one of them. Yeah, but then he spent some time really puzzling over that commandment and to be fair,

thou shalt not steal it is quite the thinker. Yeah, no idea. What could God have possibly meant by that one? It is. You really got to dive into that one. Mysterious ways. And then, okay, so back home though, we have Constance. She takes, this is so fucking stupid. She takes a briefcase down from a top shelf, and it's obviously the briefcase full of money, but they didn't have enough money to like put like $20 at the top of a few bundles. Well, I wrote, mom is taking a discrete box down

from the top shelf of her closet. Don't get your hopes up, Eli. And my notes were, please be a dildo. Please be a dildo, please be a dildo, sing in sync, harsh, in sync. Well, so yeah, she pulls it down, looks at it, goes, hmm, this shirt does have the money in it, and then puts it back up.

That was it. And then she tries to pray, but she can't really make it happen. It doesn't really, just doesn't, she's, I'm 45, I get it, sometimes it's just not gonna happen, but she tries. I get it. It doesn't really just doesn't she I'm 45 I get it sometimes it's just not gonna happen but she tried to I get the important thing. Her and God sitting in bathtubs in a sea Alice commercial. We are having problems praying. So okay so she does that then we get her waking up the next morning and damn it if she didn't over sleep

her alarm she'll be late. What what else could this movie put in our path in hopes of reaching 90 She might as well stumble and like do like the Bit from family While Iying the fucking line at the bottom of my screen on Amazon Yeah, but it turns out she wakes up late. She's like, oh, I'm going to not be able to get the kids to school in time, but Brenda's already done all of that because she's a good daughter now. Right?

And so they sit down and have that conversation. She's like, so again, did you just shift personalities midway through Ag2? Is there some impetus? And she's like, not really a note. Nope. There was a note. Did you have a whole screw deal and it was just offscreen in another film? Is that what's happening?

Yeah. There's going to be a prequel. There'll be a prequel. I'll explain a lot of this. Are you the honor my mother and father film, but like not, we're just going to see the crossover. Oh, that's it. All of them are happening simultaneously.

This is going to be brilliant eventually, guys. Dr. Strange is just sitting there eating a muffin at the cafe at the end of the movie. Okay. Okay, still don't care about Dr. Strange, but okay. So she's got a job interview now, right? She tells her mom, she's like, I got a job interview. It's as a fitness instructor because I exercise,

that's my personality. We saw that earlier. Yeah. A fitness instructor at an old age home dream job, moving around the dead bodies that still have souls in them. And she says, you know, I've got this job interview. It's payback for my change. And mama's like, no, it's not. That's stupid. It was an invisible bearded guy in the sky taking time to personally circulate your CV around retirement homes. Obviously, honey, that's what happened here. Clearly.

You know what? That Brenda's been real good. Let's have her spend the last days of someone's life getting them to do jumping jack. Well, and then she turns to Mama and she's like, and you know, I don't want to say it to love, but I've been praying a little bit here and there. She says it like she was, you know, she snuck some of mom's aterol or something. Yeah, it's definitely gotta have you ever felt not so fresh. So okay. So she gets to work. Gerald greets her out front. This, by the way, yes, we are for the sixth time watching this woman park her goddamn car. Did she have her license

suspended and this movie was some kind of celebration of its return to her? Or was she always trying to get away and then they coaxed her back in for that X-scene or something? Yeah. So, yeah, but we learn here that Gerald is starting to come around to this bill guy. Turns out he's all right when he's not screaming at you for being a hypocrite. So she goes inside, Bill is very excited to see her because he has spout evidence of Julie's husband, the abuse of husband stealing the money and being a fraud. Yeah, and this is very clearly one of those bullshit phone calls when no one's on the

other side, but nobody's filled by it apart from the music director who's utterly convinced and goes with it all the way. Yeah. And if you're wondering yourself, oh, okay, so that part of the plot will wrap up. No, he will present This is an option. It will never be followed If I'm not mistaken and maybe I miss remembering this, but I believe that the resolution to the entire abusive husband storyline is Julie goes back to him because the kids do need a father. Yeah, yes, I think so. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh

Yeah, okay, but we've got bigger problems because it's made the papers that they got their money stolen. Yes, the front page of the newspaper says, Church, sources for missing funds. Okay, I have to talk about this because this is the best difference between script and prop that happened in any of the movies we've watched. So the script says here check it out page three, but the prop is very clearly that the church has been robbed on the front page. That's page one. So you see him handed to the actor and say page three and you see the actor be like page three you say. and say page three and you see the actor be like page three you say Looks at the front Okay, and then turns to page three. He's like, but yes, and I guess out. Yeah, pretend it's also there

Look, they did it again. They put in the story for a second time Oh, this is the English version here very convenient that you told me where I'd find that one. And it's a really high quality fake newspaper as well, because like read the story on page three of four. Because it's a full page unit. Yeah, and the headline on page three is just first church, which is the name of the church, and not a headline. It's just the name of the church on there. Yep.

And of course, this is where we get, I almost went for my best words. The criticism that they've received from famous atheist Richard Deacon. Deacon. So subtle. Richard Deacon. Deacon. Even the actor pauses when he gets to that part of the news story and looks at the camera like, are you fucking kidding me? Okay. Richard Deacon's okay. Whatever. I see I wrote my notes. Wait, wait, wait, let's hear it out. How does this Richard Deacon feel about trans people because I might be willing to swim? How we allowed to wish that Richard Deacon had died a while ago and haven't

this rest is like a thing. Is that legally allowed? Yeah, absolutely. I think we can say that. So yeah, and then of course he throws the newspaper and a gong place in case you hadn't picked up on the sarcasticness of the soundtrack. Yeah. So then we have to see how hard it's gotten for them now that this has become public knowledge. Right. So we see Constance checking the church's messages and their email inbox and it's all people very angry about the theft. They try to do hate mail, but Christians are 100% of the people who write insane hate mail and leave insane voice mails. So it's like, hello, I, not a Christian, and angry. Yeah. Yeah. Some

of the emails are fantastic. There's an email from Lauren Mayer who messaged at one minute past 10 a.m. with a subject line missing funds question mark and then emailed again at 10 or 7 with withdraw drawing support immediately in block capitals. And what did Lauren learn in those six minutes? Did she pick up the newspaper, read the headline, send an email, read the story, send her follow a big wall. So I feel like she read what was on page one, and then she got to page three, and she's like, oh holy shit.

Oh, right, this is serious. This is the real, this is where the really dark shit starts. This Richard Deacons was involved in this shit. There's an email from a guy called Hecht and Unias which just says, money question mark, just heard about the money that was stolen. End of email. Okay.

All right. I just keep me up to date. Cool. Well yeah, that just seems like a downright pleasant. He's trying to start a conversation. I get it. Sometimes my mom sends texts as emails. I don't know how she does it, but it happens occasionally.

And they current Hector Nunez have the same phone provider. Oh, so yeah, so this is getting really hard for him. So they go to see Bill because they think for some reason that Bill, the investigator, is the one that leaked this to the press. And he has the worst series of potential justifications, but he says he didn't do it. But then he's like, but isn't this good?

Isn't all publicity good publicity? The fact that you guys are thieves isn't that good for your public image, really? Because otherwise people wouldn't even know you existed. Now they know you exist as thieves, no? At one point Stan Chimeson, people who don't even go to this church complain. It is like, why would you care about that? Exactly. We've had dozens, dozens of complaints, including from people who've got nothing to do with us. Yeah, right. It's fine then. It'll be fine.

But they tell him like, well, you have to understand this is damage. God's reputation. Christianity itself has been harmed here is like I don't I don't think that's true I think Christianity is going to make it through this one guys I think you're gonna be okay yeah and then uh oh we get the scene where Bill and Constance run into each other out back for lunch okay this scene was boring and I didn't care about it except for one absolutely insane line. I bet I can guess what that line is. They're talking and he's like, I've been in solitary confinement with suspects who haven't

showered for weeks, but nothing like this. Why? So first of all, you haven't been in solitary confinement with suspects. I'm sorry, that's not. You can't do that. But also why? Yeah, why? in solitary confinement with suspects. I'm sorry, that's not, you can't do that. But also why? Yeah, why?

Why would you be in solitary confinement? Why would suspects be in, I mean convicted suspects? Maybe used to work for the NYPD. I've waterbored in some people while I wasn't feeling very good in my tummy. I don't, it's a really weird fucking line. And then of course, he's, you know, of course, he's figured out that it's her. So he's just hitting around that he's pretty sure he knows who did the thing and whatnot.

And she says, oh, you found the guilty party. And then he goes on this weird monologue where he's like, well, you know, I found a lot of guilty parties, including myself turns out, I don't follow the 10 commandments, so I'm just as bad as the person who stole the money. Yeah, he's like, I've did some research on the 10 commandments. Like, yeah, I'm sure it took a lot of research to read all 10 of those. And he's researched them and he said,

and it turns out I'm quite the sinner. I was like, Bill, do you want to, do you want to list which ones of those you broken? Because some of those I don't care about, and some of them I definitely care about. Well, yeah, how did did you do an insolentary confinement? It's my question. Flash cut over to Bill's apartment. It's filled with idols of baffa met. So then Pastor Stevens goes to see Bill at the end of Bill's day, right? And he's like, how's the investigation going? And Bill's like, man, I made for a boring fucking movie. I'd say, yeah.

And there's a moment I have to, we can talk about the ADR, which is coming up. But at the beginning of the scene, we have to talk about the pastor sitting down. The pastor sits down and his chair makes a giant creaking sound. And the entire scene grinds to a halt. So that the actor is getting wait for that sound to stop. Yeah, it's amazing. And then he starts to it. He's like, you know, so hey, you know, Bill, you've done a lot of investigating for us

because you're a private investigator. I'm a pastor. Do you need some pasting? I do that for you. And he's like, yeah, you know, I actually, I actually could use some pasting. So he gives the most amazing prompt I've ever heard, right? This is the writer obviously had their silly fucking thing that they wanted to say. So the way they get into it is Bill says to the pastor and I quote, this

whole belief thing, I don't get it. Yeah, yeah. To hopes do you God religion? What words would you like to say? Would you like to talk for three to five minutes? Only if I'm allowed to do the weirdest intonation possible. Yes. Right, yeah, and the pastor gives them this whole long speech about how it's not just about believing that God is great It's also about believing that you fucking suck Yeah, yeah, he says even one sin makes you a sinner so you know in a way we all stole the 30 thousand dollars

Well, and that's the most fucked up thing is that they tried so hard to get into this point and then the point that they came up with was so banal. The only reason it's particularly noteworthy is because in the middle of it, we get the weirdest ass ADR in the history of ADR. What happened to us? Why? Okay. He's like, and it's important that people know that God And then it's a shot of the back of his head and it's like sent his only son to die for you You do we might as well have tried to dub in a couple of sentences of twin with Eli's lucid

Right hey, y'all it's me. It's that fucking bad Squinnon in in bed. It's swinging there. And in fairness, the guy who they do get to do the ADR, his intonations, perfect. They should have used him for the entire. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. They should just dubbed him all the way in Darth Vader style or something.

Yeah. But so and and also, by the way, it's not like the thing that he ends up saying in ADR is approximately the same length as the same thing that he ends up saying in ADR is approximately the same length as the thing that we're seeing him say, right? The back of his head just keeps jawing long after it's over. It's like, you can cut whenever you don't have to show the whole back of the head, seen guys. But at the end, ultimately, he invites Bill to a sermon, right?

He's like, why don't you come to the Sunday sermon? He's like, Oh, because you guys suck and you're all hypocrites. He's like, right, but you could say it's for the investigation. He's like, Oh, good call. Yeah. Maybe I could be Christian after all, which means it's on the clock. So in fairness to Bill, going there is no work. He can challenge for that. Oh, nice. Okay. All right. I love Bill. So, and then, okay. So we cut to Constance's place where Julie tells her that she's decided to go back to her abusive husband. Right. And mom says, and she says, why would you do that? She's like, well, you know, he stole all my money and we'd lose the house otherwise. She's like, what if I told you that I don't just happen to find 30,000 hours the other day? Yeah, and the dog was like, mom, that's bullshit and you know it. And it's an absolute puncture, sir. And this is meant to be a really dramatic scene

and midway through the dramatic scene. The music director plays the opening notes of mission impossible life. It was like they were at the two of them we're gonna have a sword fight just that or something. It was so weird. Where she's like, no, I saved up some money. She says, did you save up exactly the amount of money

that just went missing from your church mom She's like exactly that much isn't that weird. It's so weird. It would be that much But yeah, Julie is very disappointed in her mom for the theft and she doesn't want her thief money So then we violently cut outside where abusive husband is pulling up? Now Bill is there for reasons yet unexplained. So he just jumps out of his car and says, hey, wait a minute, are you a man walking into this house? I think I'm supposed to fight you.

Yeah, Bill was just watching that house anyway. Freelance. How long has he been doing that? Freelance. So creepy. Yeah, and of course he stops to do, and he's just like, he's about to be like, hey, you're the bus of us, but I'm gonna beat you up.

But then he realizes he doesn't know who this person is. He's like, I guess this could just be the door dash guy. So he asks, hey, whoa, should you be here? Hey, hey, hey, dude, is this your house? You have a minute to talk with, you know what, never mind. So yeah, so David, the abusive husband quote unquote, swings at him. It is the least convincing punch I have ever seen committed to fill. Yeah, I could only tell you is going for punch in retrospect because you know, like fucking Bill does some risk control bullshit.

And I'm like, oh, he must have been trying to punch him. That's what it was. Yeah. That's like results already to the analysis. It's not really end up there. So I guess it was a punch. Yeah. Right.

He might as well ride at him on a horse with his fist out. Yeah. But so then they come out and they're like, hey, Bill, did you just show up at my house and start beating up the people in my yard? He's like, well, yeah, I mean, I did ask him if he if he's supposed to be here and he refused to answer the question. Yeah, right. Yeah, so everybody's mad at everybody.

Everybody storms off. There is one moment where Bill gets the shit punched out of him, which is kind of nice. That's very funny. It's very funny. It's very funny because they're like, let him go. And he's like, whatever, I'm a bad abusive husband. And they're like, right, but we're letting this part of the plot go. And he's gonna be by and just like sucker punches Bill and then runs away.

And then runs out of the movie altogether. Yes. Yes. So in the Constance's Man at Bill and Bill was mad at David and David is mad at Julie and Julius mad at everybody and boy, it sure is getting act threeish around here. We see Constance trying to fake cry. Following this scene. It looks like she manages a giggle hiccup and then the second time she tries it, it's more

of a trying to fart quiet. And fart. Yeah, so yeah, and then like late that night, she tries to talk with Julie, but Julie doesn't want to talk to her. So she tries to talk with God. She goes for the cry praying. Yeah, so it's wonderful. We also get billed dramatically studying the Bible.

Oh, of course, yeah, of course. And looking from there to his little picture of Constance's headshot that he had in his file. It's so weird that like, like, like, a don't-st don't have your book pictures. What would those, but I don't have a picture of myself like that. Anyway, I don't know where the hell he's even getting these. So, okay. So the next day, we've got the sermon, right? This is the big sermon that Pastor Stevens was worried about the other day. This sermon is the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa your own adventure. I had many choices for what to do a sermon about today. What do you guys think I should do my sermon about? Yeah, I said cheer everybody cheer for the one

that they would like me to do. If you don't the applause a meter with his arm, this is my favorite. Then he does the like I'm Spartacus thing. Yeah, he's like I stole a sermon. You all thought I was talking about the money. He waits so goddamn well, he's like, I have to confess to you that I am a thief. And I'm like, yeah, but not of the 30,000. Dude, say not up.

Are you gonna say not up the 30? Like they're picking up pitchforks by the time he says but not of that 30 thousand dollars I stole a sermon from some other pastor and didn't even tell you guys about it So I'm confused about all of this because first of all on Sermons Logically taken from the Bible anyway Yeah, I don't I guess there's he's not really plagiarizing He's just doing a thing from the same source that

they're I think they share some and generally speaking anyway. Right, right. He stole the same idea as somebody else stole. Yeah. And also he's confessed that he's a thief, but not of the missing money. But we now know that you're a thief and you've already said that to steal one thing is his bad is stealing everything. Bill's already established if you steal a paper clip, you could have stole the money. So now we know that an admitted thief had full access to the money. Take him away. KS closed boys. Well, there you go. Just have the police come in. There you go. Well, but then, of course, Lorenzo Lamis has to stand up because he also is Spartacus. And he's like, I also am a thief. I have used the church's cleaning supplies in my home. And then, and then Stan is like,

I've used the software. And you're like, oh, they're going to do the Spartacus thing, but that's it. Yeah. The rest of the church is just like, you guys suck. Boo. What? The Cindy. Ive had outreach girl has to stand up and do her thing.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's four people, not three. Oh, thanks, terrible. She said, I'm a thief. I've been running my, I was up instead of down. It's like, you should not be running an hours down. That's giving your employee a free time of your life. Yeah.

So that your employers, the thing, record your hours accurately or fuck it. Go to the nearest court. And our it doesn't matter. Take the fucking money from them. That doesn't make you a thief. Right. Absolutely. And of course, it's just the named characters that we're going to get this from. Right. So each of you, often consents, I really wanted consents, like, I'm a thief. I stole the $30,000 from the church. Oh, shit. Sorry. Oh, you got me. You guys got me. It is rabbit season. There's a moment where the pastor's well, the pastor says, only our God is perfect. And I want to like a booming voice in the clouds. I'm a thief. I stole very much of legends, some existing folklore. And more of my more, most of my moral code was already existence before I was invented

I'm a Wanted one guy to not get what they were doing like I style some a thief I stole the kidneys of orphans and auction them up on the black market. Oh, you guys all look at me like that Stop it. Oh Chris. We need to talk to you after church. You hang out. And don't worry, we won't call the police no matter what. No, but we got to hire a different PI. So, but, but ultimately the conclusion of this stupid ass sermon is that really if you

think about it, we should be thanking God that that $30,000 went missing because it all gave us a chance to reflect on how you shouldn't steal. How amazing would it be if just one prisoner had been like, what the fuck are you guys all talking about? You lost $30,000 of money we thought was going to charity. And now you're just standing up saying, random shit you did. I hate it here.

I hate it here. I'm a Muslim. And then so we cut the sermons over now. Bill is sitting with the pastor and he's like, yeah, I'm sure sorry that I couldn't find your money. And then Constance comes in with the money. She's going to give it back. She's super sorry. Yeah. At this point, I really wanted it when she says, I took the money. She's going to give it back. She's super sorry. Yeah. At this point, I really wanted it

when she says, I took the money. I really wanted to like talk into that colors. We got a boys, and then it's in the fence, but first in from all corners of the room, there's a Christmas tree behind it. It stands up. It was a fed in disguise. The Spartacus thing works. Get her. And there's this great moment. This is because Christians are so stupid. They don't know what one, he says, well, we won't be pressing charges. And you could still work here. And I was like, no, no, no, the friends in charges think,

but you can do this again if you ever feel like. You're so sick. Just the rest of their work lives. He's like, oh, where's my pen? Constance, did you steal my pen to give to your abused daughter? I got a check on, you know, because of the thing. Well, and then she turns to Bill and she's like, but Bill, please don't judge all Christians on the fact

that I stole $30,000 and he's like, I'm just judging you guys on what a bunch of assholes you are. I did, it's not like there was a good Christian before you that could offset this. So, but Bill is conflicted. So he wanders off. And then we cut to like sometime later, Constance trying to get a hold of Bill, but having no luck at all, she's very worried about it.

She leaves him a message that says, Bill, are you okay? We're worried. I really want to leave my voice mail back. It's just like, yeah, my, my job is over and you turned out to be an asshole and a liar. I'm fine. Also, like he, he sold the case. He absolutely sold the case. Yeah, that too. But don't worry. we have to conclude this relationship in the craziest and dumbest possible way. I know I've done this before podcast, this, sir, but go ahead, take a second and pause

the podcast and imagine what the dumbest possible ending for this relationship could be, because Bill is now going to show up to give her his money for her daughter. Yes. Right, he comes, well, first he's got to explain what the bag was all about. It's like, I saw you bring the bag, hope said I figured, oh, you probably stole the money in the bag.

And she's like, oh, I totally did steal the money in the bag. He's like, yeah, no, I'm a good detective. It's like, we nailed it on the who done it. But it just so happened that I have an emergency account and look how much money it had in it. And we see the amount, right? It's just so happen that I have an emergency account and look how much money it had in it. And we see the amount, right?

It's like $32,113.08 or whatever. And she goes, my God, that's the same amount that I stole from the church. She's like, right, to the penny. And I'm like, why would you never have shown that to us then? Yes. Why would she, why did she steal pennies? Yeah, right, because it was in cash. It's not like she was stealing the checks.

You're right. She was 12 cents in there later. At the end, she goes like, well, I'm going to take the fucking 12 cents. Well, I'm not going to leave 12 cents. That's the dick thing. But it also implies that one of the parishioners donated 12 cents, which is very much, I'm putting in just enough to make the plate tinkle, but nobody can

see how much it is. Yeah. That's two nickels and two pennies right there. Oh my God. I didn't even think about that. That's amazing. But yeah, he had 30 grand in his own emergency accounts. So he's going to give that to the daughter.

Right. Because it's exactly the same number. And therefore, you know, somebody just wanted me to give that money away because the exact same figure and I said, okay, if I guess how much is in your bank account, Noah, can I take that as a sign that I should have all of your money? Mars, you should offer to do that with me. Zero is a much easier guess. Yeah. This is what the guy with the baby is going to be much easier to figure out. But she takes his money. This woman is the world's greatest thief. Yeah.

Because she took money from the church, gave it back to the church, and managed to get money out of the private detective she hired to investigate her own theft, and she walks away Scott three who had already decided not to turn her in when he figured out it was her. Yeah. Yeah. It's a fucking, it's a genius, this movie should be called how to get away with stealing 30 grand. If at the end, we found out everyone involved in the church was involved and it was like the church has collapsed down like it was like it was all part of the hustle like it was the big

con kind of thing and then they all disappeared. That would be in the best way to end it that the church was never there in the first place. It was all just part of the con that they were pulling on this one private detective. They like poll newman and Robert Redford just like walking from the from the side. Right. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so but he gives her the money and asks if he can sit with her at church because he wants to be a Christian now. And that's that. That's the end of that.

But of course, we still have the John Ratson burger parentheses to close. Right. So we cut back to John Ratson burger. He's like, so anyway, that was the movie there. Let me wrap it up. Now, so again, clearly what happened is they'd already filmed this movie.

And then they made a deal with John Ratson burger to get him to come in and do his bit. But there's nothing for him to do. The movie has already resolved all the silly ass shit that it needed to resolve. So he goes on this weird rant about how, yeah, stealing is wrong, but also that means that God is down with private property and he isn't some kind of calmy. It's so weird. First of all, he starts that

rant by all-ping the Bible. As he's talking, he opens the Bible, he gets the passage that he wants and he reads, thou shalt not steal. And then he closes the Bible and I thought I'm pretty sure you didn't need to open the book for that, you could probably be fine. And then he starts adlibbing synonyms for stealing for other things that aren't acceptable, just other forms of stealing or the words that also mean stealing. Then he gives examples of things that aren't allowed to be stolen. It's just. I'm pretty sure throughout this he's been stealing a taste from the hitflask that he's keeping in his jacket pocket. And I think it explains all of this.

He's definitely trying to make a word count though. But yeah, and he's like, and just so you know, God's not a comedy. Anyway, let's close on a prayer and he can't even get through the prayer. They fade out on him starting a prayer. Yeah. Like if he had remembered that whole prayer, I'm pretty sure we'd have seen the whole thing. And we fade out after line one. out after line one. Be a God. Please let Ted dance and start returning my phone calls again. He said he got a new phone when I showed up at his house that last Thanksgiving, but he's never given me the new number. Yeah.

So the closing thought of this movie was God wants you to have shit. And then we fade to credits. So help me out here because I feel like the moral of the story is go ahead and take the money. They won't mind. But I feel like that's also not what they were going for. So any guesses what is the moral of this story? The moral of the story is how to steal money from an idiot private investigator. You need to set up this fake church. Okay. Past a fake money and the whole thing works.

All right. It's like an orientation film for a new job. I got it. Okay. I was going to go with Seymar should to make me the treasurer for Mercyside Skeck. So they got different takeaways. Turns out nobody minds. And well, that's going to do a viral review of Grace.

That's the second one for the episode just yet because we still need to light this fuse once again. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. We'll be back in the world of Christian sports with the movie Prayer Never Fails. I feel like it does, but I guess we'll find out next week. So with that to look forward to We're gonna bring episode 334 to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to Martian or a reminder that you can find his other projects Link down the show notes and perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon owners that I'll make the show go if you'd like to a Skating A, the excitation needed D&D minus and the skeptic ran available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off of movies at gml.com. Legal services for the spycaster, part of the little offices of P. Andrew Torres.

Tim Robbins, it takes you over to social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotney, who will be the little drafts on Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our audience and your Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check here like this week for Heathen, right in the online box. I'm Noelusius, promise to work harder on the track next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

The $30,000 was finally deposited in the church bank account, before being immediately transferred to one of the church's many sexual abuse victims. Yeah, yep. The writer went on eventually to realize that he'd never resolved the abusive husband plot life. Police managed to escort John Ratzenberger from the movie set without any major injuries. No, I do Christian movies, this is clearly a Christian movie. You can't stop me.

It's property rights. The preceding podcast is production of Prozl and on Thunderstorm LLC, Cabaret 2022, all rights reserved.