God Awful Movies - 336: American Underdog

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

This week, Thomas Smith joins us for an atheist review of American Underdog, the story of American football legend Kurt Warner before he was a legend -- or, in fact, did any interesting thing whatsoever. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ Check out more from Thomas on Opening Arguments or Philosophers in Space.

Un chapuzón, con el habito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parkesur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, bailo es fin parkesur. So I love Zachary Levi, I really do, but like sadly play quarterback is beyond his scope as an actor. That's, well, that's a bad writing thing. No, because they actually have to show that.

Yeah, he's maybe broken up with Brenda. So he's just like, long after. Yes, but it's, and it's so stupid. But it's, and it's to do one better, it's an impossible acting challenge. He has to sadly win at football, like you have to sadly play well. That's hard to do. Not awful. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Moobie! Welcome back to The Gamecast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema

because compared to this, the screaming lambs are downright pleasant. I'm your host Noah Luzon since sitting 700 miles to my immediate left. I'm a good friend, Heath and right, Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. This is so bad. It was pretty. It's bad.

I was it's worse than I expected. Now, unfortunately, Eli will be unable to join us this week, but we're excited to welcome back for turning guest, mask, and hosted the opening argument podcast. Thomas Smith in his stead, Thomas. Welcome back, sir. Hey, thanks for having me to keep praise upon this movie. Yeah, yeah. It was a field trip.

We saw this in the theater. That's why you heard Noah coughing just now. I muted my microphone so they didn't hear that, but yeah. Well, edit it back in somehow. Just make sure to put it in. And we're going to put this in. There it is. Yeah.

All right. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched American underdog. It's not the story of one of the greatest moments in football history. No, it's the story of really boring stuff with Kurt Warner that was kind of adjacent to that amazing moment that I'm talking about. We'll get big pin in that moment. We'll get there because it's really funny how they don't get there in the movie. Yeah. Thomas, how bad was this movie? I think it was fucking great. You guys are wrong. No, it's not. It's really cheesy. So just out of curiosity, did you guys look at the reviews tomato meter any of that? No, I have not. I'll get any of that.

No. Could you guess, I have the scores, I would like you to get the tomato meter score and their audience score. Okay, I'm a six-meter meter, little game show. 91. Under, I'm taking the under by a lot.

Okay. The way Thomas said it, it had to be high in my head, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's under. The audience reviews is also as a bonus or something as a tie breaker. I don't know. What do you think?

All right, so I'm gonna say audience score, I'm gonna switch it up. I'm gonna say audience score 91, tomato meter, 79. I'm gonna go under and over, under on the tomato meter and over on the audience score. I'm thinking it's more like, it's hard to believe you guys are cheating because you've,

this is like if somebody posted a one on Whirlpool. I'm thinking it's more like it's hard to believe you are you guys are cheating because you've you've This is like if somebody posted a one on Whirlpool 75 tomato meter 98 audience reviewed 98% audience is this is it wow 75 tomato meter. That's like a good This is better than the matrix for just in case any but like I am better than the matrix for just in case any but like I am well on tomato. We considered doing the matrix for us. Yeah. We may still. They still.

It's so funny. Uh, good times. Now, of course, I should just say up front that we are all football fans who remember the season that this movie is about. Yeah. And I'd venture to say that most of our listeners couldn't give two shits about American football. If the first shit was provided for them.

That's right. That's fine. So we're going to try to keep that in mind throughout. I promise. We'll say a few football stuff things, but like yesterday, mostly making fun of it. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to add on to that.

Not only do you guys, you know, remember the season this was about, this was the team of my household. Oh, really? My dad is from LA or was LA Rams, right? He's LA sports fans, but the Rams moved to St. Louis. So we still watch the shitty fucking Rams for years lose every fucking game forever until all of a sudden, well, something you barely see in this movie about a boring love story. Yeah, exactly.

It's all of a sudden, one of the greatest Cinderella stories in all the history of sports happened that this movie decided to sort of allude to a little. Do a little. The team was called the greatest show on turf. It's so good. They don't even get to that in the movie. No, no, no. No, no.

So maybe that's coloring my view that I actually enjoyed this quite a bit, because that football season was so fucking formative to my life. It was that, I was like 13. Wow. It was, it was, it couldn't have been more perfect for like, you know, a young Thomas to enjoy the season of football. Oh, man, yeah, this is like the 94 Rangers having a shitty boring movie about Mark Messier like at a library. So is

it is anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at I would okay. So I have to and one of them apparently would have been Thomas if we were in the same theater. I had the two absolute best worst dude bros in my theater. That's a huge, huge, huge corner fans. And I bet, Thomas, were you by any chance in Ann Arbor, Michigan about three weeks ago when I watched this secretly without telling me? No, I didn't follow you outside your door when you left to go to the lock, two blocks behind you. So you wouldn't see me.

I didn't know. Definitely. Okay. What are you talking about? That was a card no box. I don't know what to tell you. I was just regular. No, no, no. Got it. You were in the my theater. Were you in my theater? Well, I don't. You're just reversing it now. Okay. So these two guys were so fucking excited about Kurt Warren. They kept saying like, it's like they were auditioning for me to talk about them during this show. Every, like every 10 seconds during the pre-show moments, they was just like, Kurt Warner. Kurt Warner. And they would say it back and forth to each other as a call and response from the moment they walked in. I was like, what are you saying, Warner? You say Warner. It was so much of that. It was insane. I'm not exaggerating. They did the

Kurt Warner call in response. Ten times minimum in the first like 10 minutes before the movie starts so stupid. So now I was going to go with it. And of course we've alluded to this with almost everything we've talked about leading into the best worse, but best worst yada yada yada. Right? Because so every time that an NFL logo shows up or anything like that. They're paying a shit ton of money, right any NFL player or real guy coach or whatever that shows up. They're paying a ton of fucking money for that So because of that all of the football shit All the stuff they would have to pay real big NFL type dollars for is squeezed into the last like 22 minutes of this movie, which is.

That makes sense. Why they had to skip so much. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, they didn't have the budget to make them. They're they're they're not going to pay for the rights to like show us that Super Bowl. Like this is an amazing rookie season for an incredibly unlikely player that culminated in what was at the time, the greatest Super Bowl victory ever, the best game ever played in the Super Bowl. It isn't anymore. That's the giant speed, the Patriots. Yeah. David Tyree. That's fair. Right. But at the time, it was the greatest game that had ever been played in the NFL. they just that is that is in the breakfast

club close of this move. He just amazing. Kurt Warner went on to be having an amazing story that we will never even really don't have. Frank's frame. Any also want to Super Bowl. Yeah. Yeah.

My best worst is I'm going to pair it with the the best best which is best worst evangelizing. But I'm gonna say best best like triangulation of figuring out how much God they could actually put in the movie and have it still be a movie. I love it. It's like a formula. I imagine Adam Baldwin or Billy Baldwin, one of the Baldwin's, that's a coach. I imagine him doing some calculus and just like being like,

we can put exactly 3.7 gods in this movie. And it's still a movie. Otherwise, a few more and it's just some Christian fucking bullshit. We have real actors in this. The Goldilocks zone of events. Right. That they triangulated. Yeah, exactly how much I thought it was going the other way. I thought it was like,

okay, we have to put at least 3.7 gods in there. And then if we do that, then the Christians will come see it, you know? Yeah, no, I actually fucked up my joke. I read the line wrong. Adam Baldwin's over there on the X axis of like, no, we need 20 gods in there. And then everybody else is like, no, we can do three. We're like, it's a flying man curve. Yeah, it means it should be 3.7. Because and here's the thing, I suggested this movie to Heath because I saw the preview,

all 3.7 gods are in the preview. Basically, at least that I saw. I saw this is a preview in a fucking for some other movie that I was, well, I don't remember what it was. All the gods are like, oh my God, they made a Christian movie about the best season of football, like formative of my life and a fucking love, Kurt Warner. I cannot wait to do this. I get there. The evangelizing is terrible. We'll get to it. But pin in that, it's awful. They don't even try. I wanted to be evangelized harder. Like I feel like, you know, you know what I mean?

Like it's a rip-up. Like come on, try to sell me on the whole God thing. Like a really sad person trying to do the pyramid scheme thing for you. And you're just like, no, no, no, no, you go ahead. Yeah. Try to sell it to me. I feel bad for you now. I love being sold.

I love getting a bullshit sales thing. It's my favorite. I just like, yeah, do your thing. Sell me on a set. Yeah. God wants you to throw football. Tell me why. Tell me why. Yeah, just take the golf clubs. I know. No, no, no, no, no, please come on. Go ahead. All right. I want to stay here for two hours. I have to do a podcast about it, man. Just go. Just do it. All right. Well, I'll do it. There's a lot of exciting grocery store shelf stocking to come. So we're gonna keep the break brief. But when we come back, we'll dive into all the heartwarming

banality that is American underdog. Hey, Heath, what are you have there? Oh, it's a new workout device. It's gonna help motivate me to get in shape this year. A mirror? Yeah, yeah, it is a mirror. But once I hook it up to the Wi-Fi, it'll yell at me for eating donuts. Why?

For the motivation. Wow, that seems really expensive. Well, yeah, that's, it's very expensive considering what it does, but I got it on an installment plan. Oh, how many installments? I'm not legally required to answer that, actually. It's a number. Look, Keith, you don't need fancy equipment or spiteful mirrors to get in shape if you

really want to get fit this year. Why not try FitBod? Oh, what's FitBod, Thomas? FitBod, Keith, is a service that creates a workout program based on your unique goals experienced in equipment. Their algorithm uses data and analytics to build on your last workout to maximize results. So whether you exercise three days a week or twice a day, every workout is scientifically proven

to be better than the last. Wow, that sounds way better than this mirror that it actually calls me a pudgy, pudgy piggy. It's exact words. It sure is. Fitbot is easy to use and even has brand new HD video tutorials to make learning new exercises of breeze. And the best part is,

FitBod is only 12,99 a month or 7,999 a year. If you sign up now, you'll get 25% off your membership. Wow, that is way less expensive than the mirror. How much less? It's not, it's just moving out in your business. Go ahead. Well, then kick the new year off right

and get started on your customized fitness plan from FitBod. Get 25% off a membership when you sign up now at fitbot.me slash gam. That's 25% off your membership at fitbot.me slash gam. All right. I guess I don't need this mirror after all. Nice. So now who's going to call you a Pudgy Pudgy Piggy?

Oh, the Eli's going to be back next week. He does a lot. Got it. Mr. Warner. Howdy fellas. Piggy. Oh, the Eli's gonna be back next week. He's doesn't want got it. Mr. Warner. How do you feel? Wow, you you are just you are a legend. I am so honored to be working with you on this movie. Shucks. Hi, I'm Mr. Warner's lawyer. Hey, great to meet you. So I've got to say this is the kind of story you just dream of as a writer. The the way that you rose up from stock and grocery store shelves to being a super bowl, when he MVP quarterback, well, you just, you inspired a generation and

and with the natural drama of football season as our backdrop. Oh, I'm, I'm sorry, did you get like a splinter or something? Well, no, it's just that, you know, Mr. Warner's rookie season is copyrighted by the NFL and any pictures, descriptions or accounts of the game without the NFL's consent is prohibited. I account that the guy don't think that's actually true. Well, the point is that we don't have the rights to the whole season. Oh, oh, no, that's okay though. We can focus a lot on the offseason aspects of his first season with the Rams. I'm sure that, um, Yeah, those logos are pretty expensive. Oh, wow, okay. I mean, maybe we can sprinkle them in a little bit late neck three.

Late in act three. Yeah. Okay, so you want me to write a movie that mostly focuses on Mr. Warner's time with the Iowa Barnes stormers? Please tell me it is a splinter this time. No, it's just that those logos are while cheaper, still pretty expensive. We can't afford arena league logos.

I mean, we can use them a little. Okay, so and it's time at the University of Northern Iowa. Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay, so you want me to make a movie about Kurt Warner's career that doesn't spend much time on his collegiate arena league or NFL careers. There you go. Uh, uh, what, what's left?

Um, oh, uh, what about the time I met my wife? Well, is that interesting in, in any way? We met at a bar. What, so no? It's, uh, we were both in the same line dance. It was pretty sweet. Okay, so, so negative interesting. I ran in snow once in Iowa.

Why are you telling me that? It's really cold. Like, raw, you know, I got a movie cold. I don't see why anybody would want to watch this movie. Okay, hear me out. Faith-based. Oh, no, yeah, that'll work. I'm kind of Christian. And we're back for the breakdown and in case you're wondering how long we go before there's

something for you to hate, we're gonna open up on Ronald Reagan. Dylan, the client told us for Super Bowl 19. Worst movie with a Ronald Reagan cold open, I think, and that's oh wow. Say it a lot. Yes. Wow. I don't know. There are no good movies with that. I'm standing my brain. Yeah.

Big claim, but I think you might be right. Yeah. So, yeah, so we start with this. He's watching the Super Bowl as a kid and we've got adult Kurt giving us this voiceover about what made Joe Montana great. And that was apparently the his ability to get the fuck knocked out of him. Yeah.

Okay. I mean, yeah, Montana got hit a lot, but he was just like one of the best actual quarterbacks ever. Yeah. That's what made him great. It's not really this. They're going to focus on this whole thing

of like staying in the pocket. That's like a theme of the movie. Like you got to stay in the pocket as a quarterback, but that's one tiny little thing maybe that Montana did, but that's not why he was great. Same exact football notes, I guess, you know, Noah's going to kill us for getting into football too much, but yeah, like that doesn't make you good. Taking hits doesn't make you good. There's very little discussion. Indeed, maybe no discussion in this entire movie about like, well, also he throws the ball well. Yeah. Right. It's just really the crux of the art.

Kind of what matters. Yeah. I'm sure a lot of people could just take a hit and not die, I guess, is the challenge. They're like, yeah. Okay. So let me, let me fuck up my credentials altogether and give it you guys any shit for talking too much actual football stuff. What made Mike Marz's offense so good that the one that Kurt Warner succeeded in was that they would not really protect the quarterback very well, right? They would send more people out so you'd have more options. So a big part of what made Kurt Warner great was his willingness to get the shit knocked out of him over and over and over and over in a way that almost no other quarterback would, right? So they

have to set up early that no, no, that actually is a very big talent. If you think about it, get the shit knocked out of you. Well, if you're going to set that up, then shouldn't you explain that at all to your audience because that's not explained? That would be great. You would think. And the other thing is what also makes great quarterbacks is if they were elusive enough to just avoid getting hit, you know, like that's another option.

That also helps. Yeah. In fact, if you're in the pocket and you're about to get blasted and not do a successful place, the best thing to do would be leave that. Leave the pocket. That's block. No, be there. You don't wait.

You don't get bonus points and football for getting sucked within the pocket rather than that. I don't think that it doesn't affect your football outcome. No. Also, he was too fucking slow to leave the pocket. Well, that's right. We're going anywhere. Right.

If you were able to leave the pocket, maybe you'd have more than what, like four rushing touchdowns in your fucking career, I am much faster than Kurt Warner. Yeah. Think about that. That's real bad. Oh, there's also, and just a, you know, apparently just to get under heath skin early, he fucks up a math thing early. So stupid too. Come on, man. He tells you that like the odds of becoming an NFL quarterback are so low, only one in a thousand

high school kid and how many college kids and he names numbers it, you know, what's the fraction? Yep. And then he says right after that, my story is impossible. And I was like, you just said non zero odds. Just your story is inevitable. You just did the math. That was one in all. It would be zero in something. All true stories are inevitable.

And you said impossible after naming a number that's not zero. So many things wrong in math. Worst in the football is like you got to a high enough number where he's like, well, definitely, you know, math people, they don't have an invented number that high. So it's got to be impossible. Yeah, right. It's going to be impossible.

I love, yeah, right, right. Exactly. It's like, you know, it, look, if we just made movies about random people and it happened that this one was a quarterback and MVP, that would be a big deal. But no, yeah, we'd have to watch like 10 billion movies before we got to the one. Yeah, that would be interesting. This is a true story chosen at random from all the people ever.

Exactly. And he's an NFL quarterback. What would be a miracle? You're right. I love it. He's giving us a news. His story is essentially, I think he arrives at like one out of a a million or one out of a, what does he arrive at?

One, I don't even know what number, but it's just like you're right. Like, well, okay, multiply it then by the number, what's the denominator? Multiply by that. Yeah, right. What's the numerator? So you're saying there's a chance, not like, you're saying, yeah, there's a chance.

We're in the world that contains all those people. So, right. He's happy. He's happy. We can just make a movie about whichever of them we want. Yeah. And speaking of something annoying us instantly, I have to ask, I'm sorry, I have to ask, why American underdog?

Is there any reason? Because America fuck, yeah. This is a Christian movie, Thomas. Because truck nuts. This is what I love. It's such a pain. Why do you hate freedom, Thomas? I do hate freedom.

I want slavery. There's such a, it's such a pain in the movie. There's nothing about Kurt Warner or anything. He didn't play for like Dallas, you know, like America's team or, you know, there's nothing about him that's like particularly American. He played for the Northern Iowa Panthers America's team Thomas in the Southern Missouri conference or whatever the fuck. It's like if Rocky was called American Rocky, like, okay, it's just called Rocky.

Like you don't need, it's not American whenever. It happens in America. Yeah, okay, but right. Yeah, a lot of movies do. Yeah. So, okay, so, but we're going to start the movie proper and now for people who don't know college, sports, this might sound like I'm making a joke. I'm not.

We start in Kurt's fifth year in college, as quarterback, he's finally going to get put in after, after four years of apparently warming a bench. Lots of people go to college for five more years. Most of them are called doctors plus football players. Yeah. Right. Exactly. And this is, of course, we, we reinforce the, the message from the last scene. They're telling them to stay in the pocket, but he just can't do it. So he's a pocket maverick. That's like, they're going for that the whole time. He's a pocket maverick. It doesn't make any sense.

You should sometimes leave the pocket sometimes, stay in it. It's just, it's so dumb to make this a theme of your football movie. And they have him throw a touchdown every single time he leaves the pocket. Every single time. Which like they're trying to make it be like the counterintuitive thing whenever you to portray some sort of brilliant thing in a movie, it has to be counterintuitive. It can't be what the thing you think because that's not genius. Otherwise, anyone can make a bad thing about it. It's got to be genius, right?

Exactly. So it's got to be he leaves the pocket in every single time he throws a touchdown to which you would expect at one of the bald ones that's not related to the bottom bottom ball somebody to be like, oh, okay, that was good. Yeah, actually, yeah, I just did the pocket, but that instant. That was a touchdown. So I mean, that's good. You want to see the realistic thing.

And you wouldn't have got called for grounding. Right, yeah. Should have just shown him like leave the pocket. And so therefore his O-line can't block for him and he gets just fucking, you know, or something. It's so dumb. Right. And he throws a pick from outside of the pocket. And so therefore his O-line can't block for him and he gets just fuck you know, or something. It's so dumb. Right. And he throws a pick from outside of the pocket. He was running and throwing across his body or he gets, he gets sacked and he fumbles

or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. They even emphasize. I think it even says, oh, he's throwing off his back foot, crosses body. I was like, oh, okay, it's going to be a pick six now. He's going to get picked off. Right.

Yeah. But no, too dumb. All right. So we we we get done with that tiny little taste of football. That's all we're going to get. Yeah, little tiny tastes here and there. Yeah. Sorry. We talked a lot about football, but it is, it's dumb. It's bad at it. And I felt like you know that scene in arrested development where George Michael, it says he stayed up late to watch Oz and he's dressed in his tin man outfit. And but it's Oz the horrible,

you know, like prison show or whatever. That was me with football for this movie. I was like, yeah, football. It starts out right away football. And then just four hours that the boring is dating of bullshit. Right. There's so little football in the rest of this movie about an amazing football player. That's correct. Nope. It's time to get to the real plot of this movie. The time he met his wife. So we're going to get there. He's he's putting together his, but don't answer yet real for the NFL when his body, his best, some of his best friends who are black shows up to ask him if he wants to go to a country bar with him for some, for some drinking party and do you make a real to get into NFL. Is that a real thing?

I'm sure that that's a real thing. You send it like a teaser tape. I hope you put like one Shakespearean monologue in that. Tomorrow and tomorrow. I throw the ball. No. All right. So just in case you need more reasons to hate this movie, they had to a country bar for some line dancing. I love it too, because what we're going to get eventually is we start with Kurt Warner for some reason is like us. He's like, well, this fucking sucks. I hate country. This is dumb. And then he sees, you know, Anna Pacquan, and he does the thing that I know we've all done, which is, he kind of is like trying to get into the shitty thing because the, the pregirl likes it. Right. We've all been there, you know, and I just have a message, just don't, it's not worth it. Like just don't, because by the time, you know, the skin sags

and the relationships, sours, you're going to be left with fucking country music. And that's not worth it for anything. No, no, no, to quote the great hand solo, no reward is worth this. You can, you can, you can, don't pretend to like country music for a girl. I'm just saying. Yes. Amen, brother. Also, she looks like she got pranked Seagard in this group. Anapacken looks like a Seagard just exploded in her face for the whole movie.

And I'm, I find Anapacken attracted somehow they managed to mess that up and have her look explodey. Yeah, I don't know why. I find Anna Pacquina attracted somehow they managed to mess that up and have her look exploding. Yeah, they don't know why. They actually, they didn't mess that up. That is precisely what her Warner's wife looked like. Yeah, right. They could not make Anna Pacquina attractive and look like Brenda Warner. Yeah.

That's right. But her Warner's wife, if you look at pictures, she had some really good looks. She changed her looks a lot. She had some really good ones. This was not a, not a good one. This was, I'm glad she moved on from this one. She had some better looks. Her 90, yeah.

A lot of people had bad 90s looks to be fair. Frank Walnut in the tailpipe look. Yeah. It's not, it wasn't one of her better ones. And so as they start to meet and they fucking, yeah, they're getting to know each other, I love it. A song comes on and he's like, well, I like this one. You know, he's trying to do the like maybe country music ain't so bad kind of bullshit.

And she goes, oh, why? And he's like, ah, you got me. I hate it actually. I try. He has no answer. As Han Solo one said, it's not what I'm giving up. It's like, it's different. His answer is literally, it's different than like you.

It's different like you. They're all think of. He's like. She knows. Well, yeah, it's so fucking this hope. They have their little conversation and their little line dance and everything. It is so boring. I wrote in my nose. I'm glad these two wound up together. So nobody else got stuck with either of them. Jesus. The next thing I wrote in my nose, by the way, is I bet I could slip my wrist with these ticket stubs if I wanted it bad enough. Oh, God. And then we have to watch them flirt some more.

They barn dance for a second and then they sit at the bar and they talk. And it's what she tries to do the thing of like pretending to be interested in a thing he's into. So she's like explain why you love football so much. It sounds fascinating. No, he's like, let me give you the actual line. This is the actual line that was written into the fucking script for Anapak, what to say.

So, football, tell me about that. Okay. I didn't even remember this. That was the exact spot. Yeah, which is amazing. He didn't take the cue that this, okay, just be honest, you don't want me to tell you about football. Like, that's what you're supposed to say there.

I wish you would have gone the other way. It's like, okay, 11 guys on each side, right? Okay. He should have just explained the entire rules of football and every super bowl up until that point. No, it's neither of those awesome options that would be he very slowly, like as if he had to remember what football was in this moment. He's like, I like the ball well, the ball. Yes. Yeah. Like the ball of it. But once again, I have to throw in the actual line that he says. And I quote, as long as I have a ball in my hands, I feel like everything will be all right. Okay.

You can't make that work. Like there's some stuff you can make that work with. You know, if you're like, I don't know, if you're into hiking or you're like, something with the ocean, maybe you could make that work for women like, yeah, as long as I, you know, when I have that, when I'm feeding that orphan dolphin, you know, and I'm just, when I have that dolphin in my arms,

that everything, but when you're like, when I got the warm grip of a ball in my hands, it doesn't, It doesn't work. What are you talking about? Also, we should point out that playing Kurt Warner here is fucking Shazam. Yep. It's right. It's NBC's Chuck.

Yes. Yeah. I like this actor. I like him. I like Anna Pax. Exactly. I drove me nuts. Wait.

Shazam. Is that the one with Sinbad? Yes. As the genie. No, Shaquille a Neil. No, Sinbad Shaquille a Neil. So Nelson Mandela is dead. Yes. Now, yes. So yeah, so they have their conversation, but then she leaves, right? She's like, Oh, it's, you know, the bars close and I got to go. And he's like, well, let me get your number. She's like, no, I have kids in their shitty and you'll hate me by. Right.

Yep. I'm a gross harlot who divorced. You know, I'm not worth it. That's really said here. Yep. And they don't like walk that back at all during the movie. No, as a matter of fact, the movie has that whole like, but he loved her even though she was a gross harlot

who was a worse kind of a feel to it. They do the opposite. Exactly. They double down on that. Yep. That's the theme. And that's the next scene as well, right? So we cut to next morning, Brenda is momming and momming sure is hard at the beginning of movies.

Oh God, dude, she's a single mom. Are you kidding me? That is fucking hard. And he does the dumbest move I've ever seen in the history of romance on screen, which is he shows up at the woman's house the next morning. Unannounced. Unannounced who he doesn't know didn't get to know her name, by the way.

Like that was a give him her phone number. Yeah. So at this point, I was like, he must have followed her car. Yeah. Home from the bar, like behind by a couple blocks. And then when she pulled into her house, he left. And now he knows the address. Yeah, like me with the theater with you.

I mean, like I didn't do, like I didn't do with the theater with you. Right. Like the opposite of what you did. Yeah, yeah, the opposite of not. No, and by the way, he doesn't like come, she, she doesn't like hear a knock at the door and then come and see him there. No, she looks out the window and he's standing there with a flak. Like if you lived in Florida, she would be legally obligated to shoot him in the head.

Oh, he'd be dead. He'd be a dead man. There would be no Kurt Warner football story that we don't get to in this movie. Well, he was calling Kaepernick. He'd be a dead man. Yeah, that's good point. Yeah, he goes to the side door. This is the thing.

He looks in the glass, the poor single mother at, at home after the morning, after night of, like what are you talking about, you fucking creep. Right, she's probably hung over. And yeah, wow. Right, but no, because it's a movie, and I guess maybe real life, I don't know. I have a feeling like these events were probably separated by more than an evening, you know, or a night.

Yeah, maybe. She goes inside, kind of without even permission, she just is like, oh, I gotta help my, one of my humans that I watch, he just lets himself in, helps the blind, am I not sure this is kid Asian? Yeah, yeah, I think they act like this. Yeah, she has an Asian kid and a non-Asian kid, whatever.

Okay, it's gonna be a theme, I'll tell you why. He just helps this blind kid with his radio and the grandma, so her mom walks into the bathroom to see a strange man lying on the bathroom floor with her blind grandson. That is correct. Yes. All that happens. And the movie seems to think the message here is he sure is good with kids, huh? Right. Instead of the first reaction for a grandma who, by the way, trying to go to the bathroom, I think she wants to go to the bathroom. And beating him with a baseball bat, it's saying rapist, you know, like, oh, what is that?

She does the like, oh, how cute. I'm going to stand at the door and observe this man. I know nothing about who's snuck into our house, lying down with our young son. At the very least, she has to be like, you're both lying on a bathroom floor. That's weird. Please don't do that. I don't know why people in movies do that a lot. And it's gross.

He finds it gross in this real reality, though, we should not do that. She doesn't say anything like that. She's not like, hey, you need to not break into my house and play with my grandchild unannounced. What is happening? None of that. She's like, no, you need to not break into my house and play with my grandchild unannounced. What is happening? None of that. She's like, Oh, this is cute. My daughter probably finds this attractive, which is bananas.

But we get there extended meat. He meets the kids and gets her number and she decides retroactively that it's okay that he stalked her. And then we get back to some footballing with Kurt demanding to know from the coach why they won't put him in. And it's because he just won't stay in the goddamn pocket. There's still a lot about that shit. In order to get on the field, what you need to do is stay in the pocket.

Get CTE because. Well, right. Yes. Well, we get a fucking montage of them like, okay, hit him a bunch of times and see if he's ready for it. And I'm like, you guys know about the concussion shit now. Yeah. Like this is, we're not watching a movie from 1987 when this is okay, but yeah.

So we just watch a fucking montage of them hitting the fuck out of him in practice. In practice, in practice. Yes. They're torturing a man. Yeah. So dumb. He might as well walk off the field, murder suicide his family right on the sideline and come back in and be like, all right, no, I'm good.

Let's get a part of the show. I need some more head trauma. This is great. I'm good practice for the pocket. So yeah, but but he gets hit enough, apparently. So he gets to start. So he calls Brenda with the good news and she agrees to go on a date with him now that he's the starting quarterback for the Northern Iowa panthers.

I don't know how he walked back on after the suicide part, but he did in my career. Yeah, right. Trust me. It's that crazy of an example of something that didn't happen. And we get a great, the fantastic date, which is them taking the shit ass truck to some sort of body of water that I'm not even gonna call a lake. You're gonna sit next to A. Look, I've been fucking broke. There is no shame in the sit near a body of water

because I'm broke, date, damn it, yeah. Totally true, except the kids are in the truck. They're waiting in the truck. Where's the grandma? I just want to pick, I want the scene of Brenda being like, hey mom, gotta go on a date. Can you watch the kids? She's like, nope, it's Thursday.

I'm, it's, I'm, it's my night to fuck. Bingo. It is my night to fuck Brenda. You know this Thursday. I get railed on Thursdays. You're on your own. See you later. She takes the kids on the date with them.

Oh my God. Yeah. But so, and of course, this is where we get our obligatory one of 3.7 God references, right? So she starts talking about how somebody in her church once told her that she would do something special probably. Yeah. And she built her life around that. She built her life around a stranger one day in a place was like, you're special.

Yeah. God's going to do something great with me is what this lady at church told me one time. So now I've modeled my liver. But then right after that, explains. Oh God. She's like, yeah, but now my life fucking sucks. My husband cheated when I was eight months pregnant. Also, my kid literally got smited in the eyes with blindness by the God of the universe who's supposed to do something great with me. And it turns out that the the kids blind because my husband dropped that kid on his head in the tub. And that's why I started laughing so hard at this moment and I got in trouble with the 10 people. Oh no, sure. And what I love to is that we see

Kurt Warner do again along the lines of the like, okay, what am I in for here with the new girl that I'm trying to give because so he goes, so that God stuff, that all seems pretty important to you, huh? Like, basically, like, what am I getting here? Like, how much? And then I realized, this is brilliant. Maybe he realized too, except you probably not because he's an idiot, but like, he could realize, I have a permanent excuse to not go to fucking church for the rest of my life.

Oh, yeah, I'm in to go. Oh, I can't go this Sunday. See, I'm a football player, so literally I can never go to church with you ever, ever, you do that. You do you. That's great. I'm like the opposite of Chick-fil-A. Just to be clear, by the way, what they're setting up is that God's mysterious way is all that shitty shit that happened to Anapak Wins character. The horrible stuff for kids smited with blindness. Yeah. Plus, Kurt Warner fixes it in the end. That's got mysterious way. That's what they're saying up here. We will have to keep an ongoing tally of God's plan here. Well, there's more. There's pretty good blue. It's easier. We'll talk about review.

It's Joker-esque before us. I love a good Machiavellian argument, but this is so. So and then after their little date, I wrote country music football montage in my notes. And I still haven't really gotten over that. I'm gonna be honest with you. Oh, God. But he's the starter now because of his awesome ability to get the fuck knocked out of him. Mm-hmm. And he might even get drafted.

He's playing so good. We end the montage with him getting his agent. Yeah. Yeah, he gets an agent. This is again, country music was playing. So I was doing like, you know, when, when you get hit with a stun grenade to movie or whatever one, you know, that's me. I'm just like, ah, I tune back in with my notes once the country music stopped. That's fair. So they had to, to Kurt's mom's place to watch the draft, right? Now, I was at one time in my life into football enough to watch the draft, but that is like the third most boring thing that could happen to you if you don't really love football.

Yeah. And the reveal is pretty funny here, actually. So the NFL draft takes multiple days because it's a whole lot of stuff that has to happen. Tons of people have to be picked. And there's a bunch of time between. We were dealing. Yeah. And they're trading around. People calling each other. It's a whole thing. It takes multiple days. But Kurt Warner is the only one who knows that at this moment. So the other people at this, like, let's watch the draft party are like, dude, there's been four so far. How long is this draft taking?

And he's like, it's like four days, you have to keep... Yeah. And hours and hours, it was like eight hours, like they're gonna sit there for eight hours, two days, to row watching the draft together. Yeah. Oh God. I thought you were talking about the big reveal of Kurt's mom fucking hates Brenda.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We get easily, they get out of the truck and she's like, Kurt, my son, I love who the fuck is that? Yep. Mom might as well go up to Brenda, sniffer and be like divorced, Harlett, gross. Yeah. Boo. Right. Break up now. Also, like, imagine they're going to make a movie about your life

and you go, Oh, put in that part where my mom fucking hate him, my wife, but she was such a disgusting piece of shit. That must be a real thing. The good word. Yeah. Like, Brenda and his mom probably were sitting in the same row in the same theater when they saw this movie together. What I love to is in terms of the safety of the situation, if you're Brenda, you know, because we've been in these situations, you had to go, okay, I got to go spend time with the in law.

The light ever like some situation where you're like, this is going to suck with a person. I can't think of anything worse than a draft. There's nothing. There's literally, there's not even anything to distract from the awful tension of the room. You know, you're right. Yeah. Play, uh, play risk or something. Can we watch like scat porn together instead? I don't know. Anything else. That'd be great though. Some of the less awkward. What if we all fuck? I don't know. That would be better. It would be better than this. So now, of course, this is the draft that he's hoping to get drafted in, but he doesn't get drafted. So we cut to Zach's birthday party. Zach is the blind kid. We cut to Zach's birthday party and

Kurt Warner coming in with this undrafted look about him. Very sad. Yeah. Best undrafted quarterback of all time, by the way. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Best undrafted player of all time, I've got to say. Oh, God, he rules. And what I love here too, again, keep it tally. There's more, but we get a scene. So we don't really know his viewers. Kurt could be not at all religious, not believe in any of it. You know, like we know, as you and I as humans,

we know that after he won the Super Bowl, he did the, oh, praise Lord Jesus, this is cry, I'll have fucking bullshit. But like, as a viewer, as far as we know, he fucking hated country music, and he's like, who's this God guy you keep talking to? And then we get at this birthday party, he's, you know, sadly throwing a ball through a tire,

as you do, you totally relate to that. I've done so many hours of this stuff. When I didn't get drafted, I also did. I also didn't go to college to play football, but you know, I still could have been drafted. You never know. And he goes to Brenda. He's talking to Brenda.

He's like, why would God give me a dream that's never going to come true? And I'm just sitting here thinking, okay, you are talking to poor Brenda who believes in nothing but God, who changed your life because a stranger told her that God had a plan for who went into the military. She was a Marine or something. She has a cool story stranger told her that God had a plan for her, who went into the military, she was a Marine or something. She has a cool story actually. And she had a kid, she had God, you know what God did to Brenda?

You already covered it. So many bad guys. God gave Brenda an ex-husband who cheated on her when she was eight months pregnant and then dropped their child after the divorce so they weren't parenting together. Drop the child in a bathtub, didn't tell the doctor about it, didn't tell them about it for a long time together, drop the child in a bathtub, didn't tell the doctor about or didn't tell them about it for long enough to where the child is dealing with.

That's what Brenda is dealing with and you have the guts, you have the gauw. Right. God won't let me throw football. For football money, God's not letting me. God made me good enough for D1 college, but not pro football. Yeah, why would he do that? Look, do that. I did the math. Give me some sympathy. Come on earlier. Okay.

But then we have to turn things around for him, right? So we have this scene where he's having dinner with Brenda's folks who love him, by the way, and they have to tell Kurt that the packers called and want to put them on the practice squad or whatever, but they do it all like coiley and stupid. Oh God. Yeah. You're so right. I hate this. and stupid. Oh God. Yeah. You're so right.

I hate this thing. The guy's like, oh, how the bear is going to do this year. And Kurt is like, oh, I don't know. And he's like, wait a minute. Did the bear's call. Is there a bear right behind me or something? I don't know. I don't know why he would think that.

And then the dad says like, no. And I thought, oh my God, this is just a depressing scene of like, that's how. Right. That's a good scene if that's what happened. If you mention a football team in his presence, is it, did they call, am I, am I, am I drafted? Did they call, am I going, do they sign me? And then it turns out, no, they actually did get a call, but from the packers, the rival

of the Bayonet. Yes. And that's how they introduced it from any fucking stupid. Yeah, I hate it. So, but we hurry over to Packers practice and he's so good. So overawed by Lambo Field and I'm like, well, yeah, I mean, I love this because we get his failure of being with the Packers. Yeah.

And so he goes to the Packers and he's standing on the field, you know, as a backup QB or not even, he's not even back up. He's just on the practice squad going to try to make the team essentially and the guys like all right Warner get in pop Warner is clever nickname pop Warner Yeah, get in and he's like oh, I don't I can't I don't know the playbook yet, you know like I can't I give me tomorrow Tomorrow I'll go in I don't know the playbook and then because of that he gets fired And I just have to say T tells the coach. I've been preparing my whole life for this. I've been, you know, this is my thing. And I got to ask, if you've been preparing your whole

life for it, you didn't get the playbook ahead of time. We just had a scene where you throw to the place for it. You could have been reviewing the playbook, maybe in the car. You could have been on the field with the playbook. Yeah. And I'm sorry, you can't just go out there and throw a few footballs around without knowing the fucking playbook. improvise You throw it to somebody there's somebody out running out as a receiver clearly if you throw it to one of them They'd probably be like oh you correctly quarterback, but the movie plays it like Kurt Warner's just like I can't QB while everybody's looking I can't be right now every look away and then they're all like oh he can't QB when people look right and then they're all like, oh, he can't QB when people look fired. Right. Yeah. The very dexitas them and then firing him. And he's like, wait, your cut means like the coaches like, well, dude, you cut yourself.

I asked you to play football and you said, pass, right? And I'm writing in my notes like, okay, fair. Not pass like pass. Like, yeah, not the right pass. Yeah, right, right. No, the passes in. I'm not, won't, not it. Yeah. So, right. No, he's a pass as in. I'm not, won't, not it. Yeah. So, okay, so it goes back home to Salk with Brenda.

And Brenda suggests, she's got a great idea. She's like, well, why don't you just move into my parents house with my two children. It'll work out great. Okay. Yeah. New plan, new plan. Yes, you, you're talking about I'll be a nurse. You're a failure. That is the new plan. Yeah, that's the whole thing here. And he's like, yeah, yeah, okay. All right about I'll be a nurse. You're a failure. That is the new. Yeah. That's the whole thing here. And he's like, yeah, yeah.

Okay. All right. No, that'll work. I can't throw when people are looking and I can't pee. So and we should probably emphasize this because everybody presents this. The Republican kind of viewpoint of like, you know, here's a guy who had nothing and he had this terrible job and he worked his way. But like that story starts with a middle class family that was willing to take him in

and just let him, you know, like pay his way, pay his bills, et cetera, this whole time. Yeah. Iowa doesn't exist without the government allowing it to exist. The entire region can't exist without subsidies from the government. You dumb assholes. Nope. There's no fuel there. So we get an even more Republican fever dream here, which is he goes to bi groceries.

And he's like, I love this. This is they had to put this in there as like, this is the tiny amount they'll allow. He goes to bi groceries, he's like $26. He's like, do you take food stamps? And then he sees their, you know, the thing we help needed. And he's like, also kind of an application. And it's like, this movie is so fucking Republican that that's, that's all they'll have. Food stamps are for the one time in between

you need something and then you apply for a job and that's what they should be like. There's no just a barrel of bootstraps. He grabs one, picks himself up. There's a bag of gold in his hand, all of a sudden. Here you go. I will trade you. We will just barter this works. Yeah. So dumb. I did it. There was one moment in this scene that I enjoy, though. So he's walking out. And then then he finally goes back in and he's working, right? He's stocking the shelves. Yeah. And we see two people who know him from Northern Iowa, from the university. And they're like big college football fans. And they're like, Hey, look, it's Kurt Warner. He's wearing a smock and restocking cereal here at this shitty grocery store. He's just like, can you guys not narrate?

We don't have to. We don't. We don't know what's happening right here. Yes, it is. Thank you. My other favorite thing about that scene is he specifically said graveyard shift, stocking shelves. Right. And then we cut to a 10 year old kid, I guess, in the store during the graveyard shift when I guess talking to shelves. Also, this is so weird to me too, because like over and over again, they keep showing this box of Wheaties that Dan Marino's on, right? And he's looking at it like, oh, I wish I was on the box of Wheaties. And that such a weird thing to focus on because Kurt Warner was never on the Weedy's box. He wasn't.

Oh, no, I looked it up. He was so I have to imagine that like fucking Dan Marino stands outside of movie studios going to anybody want to use my Weedy's box rights? I you guys doing a football movie you could probably use that, huh? Does it have me in it? Well, me. That's interesting because they even do a callback where he gets on the magazine cover. Yeah, but not the leady spots. But I get that would

been funny. If the guy in the, because they do a callback later on where the guy who still works at the fucking store, because I guess not everyone is able to become a doll star a quarterback, like not everybody can bootstraps their way. Some people just have to, you know, work at a fucking store in this world. But anyway, he sees Kurt Warner actually on the magazine. It would have been funny if he's like, well, but it's not the weedies, but I don't fucking. He said he'd get on the weedies, but he didn't get on it.

So he fucking failed. He didn't do it. Yes, he was fucking failure, just like me. Oh, it's just flutty flakes, because of that flutty flakes. All right, well, I initially thought I was kidding when I wrote about dramatic shelf restocking in the intro. So I need to break to work through that. But we'll be back in a flash with even more of a American underdog. It isn't dramatic. It doesn't dramatically. He's a good actor. And your stripe looks stupid. Doesn't even make you look faster or taller. It's dumb.

Hey, Heath, whatcha doing? Oh, hey, I'm just antagonizing these chipmunks. Why are you antagonizing chipmunks? Well, after the workout from that last ad, my muscles are really sore, and I thought, you know, what better way to relax than being beaten up by a horde of angry chipmunks, so, roasting them. Uh, and so you don't have any better options. I mean, think about it with their tiny little fists and their tiny little growling. You actually got a fun, right? As this ever happened to you,

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in hopes of tricking them into a massage. We obviously have very different listeners, Thomas. Anyway, try TheraGun for 30 days, starting at $199. Just go to TheraBody.com slash awful right now and get your gen for Theragun today. That's Therobody.com slash awful Therobody.com slash awful. Okay, I will, but I still reject the premise of this ad. Even knowing you lie? All right, with Tron. Yeah. All right, Mr. Warner, have a seat.

Thank you. So why did you apply for work here at the high V grocers? Well, I was in here, so. Uh huh. Oh, more, sure, sure, sure, sure. And also, I was taking groceries off the shelf because I was shopping and I was like, you know what, I bet I could put groceries on this shelf too.

I could totally do that. Okay. So here I am. Interesting. And it's this, this is on your application here that your last job was, wait a second, is this right, a quarter back for the green pay packers? Well, I was on the practice squad. Oh, wow.

That's really cool. So how long did that last? Oh, okay. Let me think about it. It was like five, six, seven. It was like a day. It was one day. What?

One day. One day, yep. Wait, why just the one day? Well, you know, the NFL, it's the toughest standards in the world for football jobs. So, pretty hard to make cut job like that. It was really hard. Yeah.

No, I bet. All right. Well, you know what? I think you're going to work out great here at the high fee. So let's get you an apron and we'll get you a stock at some shelves right now. Right now. What did you say? Did you get a splinter or?

No, did not get a splinter. It's just I don't really know where things go yet, here at the store, I figure maybe I could stock some shelves like day two, day three. Well, no, no, you can't do that. You have to work all of the, all of the days that we pay you at least, yeah. Gah, sounds just like the Packers.

Wait, is that why they fired you? Well, technically I fired myself as what they told me. Oh, yeah, you're fired from here too. Yeah, figured, hey, I can throw, it doesn't help, he's gone. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin our hero with him and Brenda Eaton in a diner when who should walk in the door, but the entrepreneurial genius behind a renal league football gym foster. Yeah. I got to say a beautiful boss kind of fun to watch, but no, he's not the entrepreneurial

genius they're making. Yeah. Oh, I'm glad you guys know because I was they make this guy out to be like this genius mogul thingy. I don't know this guy. Like this, this character seems fake is all I was like This isn't a real guy. There's no fucking way He's coming in dropping piles of cash on curfews table to get him to play their uniform

But yeah, but it's singles it's mostly singles couple of five But yeah, but he's like, you know, I want you to play and on my arena league But I started the league and now I own a team and now I want you to be like quarterback for it. And he's like, I don't know. It's not real football, though. And I'm like, well, neither is stocking groceries dumbass. Yeah. I love they set this up as some sort of dilemma where he's like, hmm, I poor have no fucking

money. Should I do this the literal only way I can make money playing the game that's the only thing I know or what? Or not. What, like, what are you gonna do? Like slide a cereal box back across the table or maybe someday, what about this? I'll make assistant manager at this thing.

Are you trying to fold that cereal box? Stop it, stop, stop. It's not gonna, is that guy still has cereal? And yeah, right, But and we have to keep in mind because they have to show us all the rock bottom shit after this. He has to have a budget shit happened to him before he'll decide to take the arena league job. Everything that happens from this point on in the movie to him though is because he's too stubborn to play in the arena league. And unfortunately unfortunately the truth kind of messes this whole narrative up because actually he was

assistant coaching at Iowa this whole time. I was. Yeah. The driving. He's not doing football. He's stocking shells. He's dreams dead. Oh, also he was assistant coaching with, I guess, the Adam Baldwin fucking character this

entire time, but they didn't show us that part. So but then he goes home and he finds out that Brenda's parents are moving and he can't live rent free anymore. And I'm like, oh rock bottom for a fucking middle class white guy, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of enjoyed this. The dad, this dad was fun to me.

He was great. He was good. Yeah, this dad was good. And he's like, all right, asshole, you got to move out and be like an adult with a job word leaving. And then he, but this was weird. The dad's like, yeah, so like I said, you're about to be homeless, marry my daughter right now. And I was like, yeah, happening in this dad's head. Why? Uh, Christianity, baby. Yeah. Well, that's it. The dad says, look, I'm a Christian man. That's the point seven. If you were wondering about the point seven, this is the point seven.

Yeah, well, he's like, we're actually, we can't say God anymore, but I will, we're a good Christian family relationship. I don't know. And now it's time for the fucking blizzard scene, which has to, and can only be here because Kirk wanted it to be as barricaded that he would have never played in the arena. They give it. It hadn't been a matter of life and fucking death.

Yeah. So stupid. So we get the established that there's blizzard. There's just a life ending blizzard thingy. Sure, whatever. They come in, you know, she's like, do we pay the heat bill or he says, do we pay the heat bill? She's like, you told me not to bill or he says, do we pay the heat bill? She's like, you told me not to because they're broke.

They got no money. And she said, I love this. She's like, well, I guess I'll quit nursing school and, you know, that's that we can't manage this. We'll just have to do that. And he goes, no, you will not quit. We don't let each other quit. Like we pursue our dreams.

This will be the last time we hear about nursing school for this. Yes, that is. That's that's gone. Did she graduate? Did she become a nurse? No idea. Is she a nurse to this day? I have to fucking, they just forget.

Go fuck yourself. That's a lady character. It's football time. But no, it's not. It's actually not football time. No, okay. Listen, I want you to think of the most boring thing you can imagine happening in a movie. And then we get to watch a car break down in Iowa.

We watch a car on a long stretch of straight, flat, fucking Iowa road. Break down. That's the plot. I was so mad. I was like, just do the montage of the NFL. Go do your movie. Yeah. No, we're going to do a bunch of Iowa car stuff.

No, the movie literally runs out of gas. Well, that's what I was going to say too. I love it. This Kurt Warner is just a dumb guy. I'm sorry. I like him, but he's a dumb guy. They almost die because he didn't. That's the fuck the big guy. He's gas tank. Right. They run on a gas and he's like, Oh, I'm going to have to run back to that store. It's a mile back. I hope I can make it before you freeze to death. Give me some money. I'm like, you have money? Well, then why the fuck is this happening?

You passed a gas station. We know this. We know that you passed the gas station and made note of it and ran up. Look, I run out of gas a couple times in my life because I've drove shit cars that didn't the gas meter wasn't even working. And one of them, it was working, but I was pushing too much. Yeah, sometimes you know, so it's just no shit. But neither of those times was I transporting my girlfriend and her special needs child

through a death blizzard. Do I historic fucking blizzard? Yes, the kids die in a poverty and the back of the fucking truck and everything. Yeah, almost murdered her family, like her and her fit. Yes, very close. Yep. And this is the good guy of the thing. This is his like, oh, he's such a good guy.

What? What, right? Because that's it. He thinks this is the heroic moment where he had to run from mile in the snowy uphill both ways to get the gas. And it's like, but you only had to do that because you're a fucking idiot. You saved them from you. There's no hills in Iowa.

That's true. It's flat. Bullshit boring. There's no hills. There's no topography. If I wrote the book about my life, I would have been like, and definitely that someone stole the gas out of it. Some of the psychos. Right.

The gas out of the car. It wasn't just that I fucking forgot. A car can break down for all these other reasons. It didn't have to be a part that he needed. Yeah, I read that. He had to go get some fix of flat. But yeah, but he finally, he gets the gas again. They get to his mom's place where there's heat that's turned on and he's like, finally, he's like, all right, I'll play shitty arena league ball. I have to point out the language of this because it's another great Republican, he Christian thing

because after this moment where, you know, he almost kills his family, Merz, OJs, his fucking family, just slightly different. He says, all right, I will go, as you say, hell is frozen over. So I will go play arena football league and she's like, no, you don't know what that did out and he goes, look, I promised your father I take care of you. I'm just like, why is that the important thing? Like, that's a transaction between two men. Yes, exactly. It's not bad that you killed your family because you promised another man not to.

That's not why that's bad. But yes, it's just bad to kill your family. Right. That's right. It's a good good reason there too. So yeah, so then we cut to the corn field where the Iowa barred store was practiced. And I love this stupid ass exposition because nobody remembers arena league. Nobody knows what that fucking shit was. So they've got the coach like standing there giving the basic rules of arena league football to his team.

You know, like that's where they're going to get to that. You get the sense that he financed this movie. Do you feel like that guy must have financed this or something? Oh, all right. That guy comes out as a, like a really interesting, amazing arena football league mogul. Okay. He really does. In turn, Christian movies are to movies as arena football is to football.

Okay. Oh, I would, oh, that's way too generous to Christian movies. That is very generous, but you get way too. Christian movies. Yeah, no, there's never, the Christian movies have never given us a Kurt Warner, right? No. It's not, it's not a rena league. It's like the fake, you know, knock off video game without the players actual names that you play. Yeah, would be maybe it's paper football to the NFL. No, it's not. That's two generous to I love paper football.

Sorry. It's impossible to complete the snow. No, it's not. There's nothing involving football that is miserable enough to be the equivalent of Christian movies. That's the problem. It is brain injury. Okay.

There you go. You found it. Okay. There you go. You found it. So yeah, so we see his first game as an arena league quarterback. He sucks because he doesn't know how to throw fast enough. He can't stand there in the pocket enough and he doesn't get hit and the head enough. One more quick note on that. They illustrate that with a bad football thingy that I love, which is specifically they are backed into their own end zone. They hike the ball.

He has no one to throw to. So he scrambles forward to avoid the safety like you obviously would. And the guys like stop leaving the pocket. Yeah. So you want me to get stacked in our own end zone. I was the pocket is points for the other guys. I don't, and we have to give them the back the ball. That's the worst part.

Yeah, God. It's like a moral victory. It's like ethical to stay in the ball. But there's like a captain of the Titanic. Yeah, you go down with the fucking ship. God damn it. And then, okay, so yeah, we head back to practice to reinforce the whole willingness to get the fuck knocked out of you as the true measure of greatness point that we've been making through the whole fucking movie and he has to learn to do the three step drop and throw no matter what yeah, okay.

In this moment doesn't it seem like there should be some kind of. You know karate kids stuff like mr. Miyagi teaching you wax on wax off there should be a crane technique of this of Yeah, a crane technique, the zero-step drop shown to us somehow magically, whatever it is. Yeah, but the movie doesn't know how that would work in principle. No. So all that happens is he just remembers to play good now. Yeah. Also, why is there no discussion in any of this movie ever with this whole stay in the pocket, you know, throw fat all that shit? There's not one discussion of, oh yeah, an whole stay in the pocket, you know, throw a fat all that shit. There's not one discussion of, oh yeah, an offensive line. Why don't you fucking block better?

Right. Yes. Exactly. One time maybe don't let this fucking guy unabated to the quarterback murder your quarterback every single play. Right. Staying in the pocket and getting the fuck down and knocked out of you don't have to be one and the same.

No, no. There's another way around them. It only works if there's an actual pocket, like make a pocket team. Yeah, you know, like, come on. He just starts doing a three-step drop and throwing them all straight up in the air. And then he's going to eventually get to it.

And he on his downfield, it's you, Jack. So, like, if nobody every time we cut to the game, it's just three and out every time. I don't know. He's like, but he is getting rid of it. He's getting rid of the ball, though. Look at that release time. And he stayed in the pocket. And he did stay in the pocket.

I guess it's ethical. So we win, right? We win, right? And we do. Oh, they cut to the coach. I really didn't understand how the scoring work. I thought I was staying in the pocket because the whole movie has been really emphasizing the standing in the pocket thing more than touchdowns. How many points did we get? So, but of course, this, this getting the fuck not out of

him montage here dissolves into the week two game. And now he knows how to football better and he can get the fuck knocked out of him. So he starts throwing touchdowns. Yep. And he gets a hundred dollar bill every time he throws a touchdown. Yes. So he throws a touchdown, his first touchdown were led to believe. And his coach whips out a hundred dollar, a cash, a bill, a, on the sideline and hands it to him, which I guess he puts in his jock. Where do you put that?

Yes. What is this? Why add the helmet? have to come on what the great thing is is he's like well oh wow a hundred bucks a touchdown well now i'll throw a bunch of them like you were to do that already though yep that's your job but that's what happens they show him like now yep excitedly yes yeah really what seven touchdowns in that game so we're to believe that Kurt Warner, who is a whole fucking movie is that his life is built up for footballs, his greatest thing, his last football of all time, his favorite thing is dream.

And then someone's like, but I'll give you $100 if you football better. And he's like, oh, shit, I'll get $100. Well, what's he getting paid at this point that $100 for such a different, two? It was a really big football, so yeah, that part, for such a different. It was a renal league football. So yeah, that part, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So, but now, of course, we have to see that he's his success with arena league is getting in the way of his relationship with Brenda. So and we do this the laziest way possible. We cut to a bar where he's trying to call her, but it's too loud and you can't even hear they're all celebrating his victory. It's like, you knew you were an annoysious bar. Would you call, dude? I also want to know the normal human translation of this.

I want someone to translate this whole dynamic from Christianes to norm. Was he fucking all those girls? You know, like that's what I want to know. Yeah, I mean, Thomas, this is your typical, like, you know, cocaine, arena party, you know, arena after party. You know, we have all after party. At the bar, you're just doing a whole bunch of blow and you're fucking everybody. Yes, it's a bartender.

But the movie can't do that. The movie is like, oh, he was sometimes having a good time with his friends after a game. That's bad for your relationship. Yes, yes, yes. I guess, right. Yeah. So that doesn't make sense. So was he fucking all those girls? Is that what's actually what's having? That's bad for your relationship. Yes, I guess. Right. Yeah.

So that doesn't make sense. So was he fucking all those girls? Is that what's actually what's having? He's smoking cigars. And like, you see like bad habits. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Because the thing that was really being shown is that wow, he really should wait until he gets back to his hotel and then call. Right. That's what we're really seeing. Yeah. He might as well be at a synagogue too somehow. Yeah. So yeah, why call from the bar telephone? Did was that a thing? Did you have a bar telephone? Yeah. I mean, they had a,

and the 90s that I don't know. I don't know. They give you a ride or something. That's a, the drug dealers would do. But why do that? Why not just, as you say, call any other quiet place? I guess it is so fucking lazy. And again, yeah, they don't want to impute his character, but they want them to have a conflict. Right. Or don't have a phone call at this exact moment. You could just not call now. There you go. But again, it just makes him into being dumb. So that's why I'm not sure. Maybe he's just dumb because

he any human would be like, Oh, we're just having a celebration of the game. We just want to do a pretty big deal. No, I'm not fucking all those girls. Why are you mad at me? I have $700 bills. They can't have them say any of that. They just have to sort of imply that he's having quote unquote too much of a good time without, I don't know. Go out and buy your blind kid. The best glass is money can buy. I have $7. So yeah. but then we get another quick football play in montage and he's doing, he's doing real well in the arena league. He's an arena league legend now, which is nothing, which is exactly nothing. And they, they, yeah, we get some little clips of like, and he's rushed for 12 touchdowns

and all that. And I wanted to confirm that so badly because I have a hard time believing that's true. That's his career. He ran, and his NFL career, he ran 12 touchdowns and all that and I wanted to confirm that so badly because I have a hard time believing that's true. That's his career. He ran his NFL career. He ran 12 touchdowns. So yeah, okay, always whole NFL career. I was trying to look for his AFL. No, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. He had three Russian touchdowns rather than his and it was 12 years of career, three, three Russian. Yeah, and those are gotta be just quarterback sneaks, right? Yeah, I'm sure. Fucking way. Is this what was quarterback of this? No, yeah. You see, this is why you're not, did you stay in the pocket or did you run for. I'm fucking way. He's the slow square back of the thing. No, yeah, you said. See, this is why you're not, did you

stay in the pocket or did you run for a touchdown just now? So that's the point. We're talking about the fastest league ever. What did we say about the pocket? This is the fastest league ever. Faster than NFL. We're blessed to believe by this movie. And he rent, he rent, he, the flow is

quarterback. Yes. In the history of time, when you play him on madden, he like doesn't move. You know, it's like one of those, or just like, oh my God, you can't move. Okay, well, it's because the league is so fast that they were diving in front of him because they were so confused by his slug. That's like a really good change up in like a baseball. You throw a slow pitch and nobody sees it coming.

You know that whole thing? How that the Native Americans couldn't see the ships that they were so fast that they couldn't see his slow existence. Exactly. Yeah, their vision is based on slow fasting. Yeah. And that left, we get a quick little, you give him time to throw. He's a dangerous man and they illustrate that by a guy being completely wide open on the field with no one around him.

And Kurt Warner tosses it like a slow change up to him. Like, yeah, I could do that. You give anyone my dad could have done that when he's 72. Yeah. So and then like after the game, he's got, we have to see like he's such a big star that like he doesn't even have time for Brenda anymore. And the way we show this is that Brenda shows up unannounced after the game with Zach and they won't just like let her into the locker room because she says she's with Kurt Warner.

Yeah, maybe they're both dumb. Maybe they're both just really dumb and they don't even have anything. That's accurate. Well, probably, but once again, they need this conflict to exist. They need that moment in the movie where like he's gotten to, but they don't. Kurt Warner is not willing to admit to have her having done anything wrong. They don't want to impune his character at any possible way. So it has to be this ridiculously stupid situation. Totally right. It has to be this misunderstanding that would have been cleared

up by any two intelligent humans of any kind like right. She's mad at him because she showed up to surprise him and somehow the staff at the barn that they play in. The work security. Yeah, I wrote my nose. She's mad that they don't have a relationship conflict to resolve in act three. Yeah. Yeah. So, but Brenda goes to see Kurt with an important message for him about their future and they have to like break up because Act 3 is right around the corner, right? Oh God. Yeah, I just just watch Kurt Warner during this scene. He can't say anything because as you say, they have to put them in this arbitrary, you know, stupid situation because they can't be like, well, he was just fucking flusy's left and right or something. They can't do any of that. So he just, the way they played is he just,

it looks like he doesn't understand what's happening. Right. So you're breaking up with me to not hold on fuck. I gotta write this down. So I'm, so you're breaking up with me to not break up with more later. Give me more toothpicks into rubber band. Hold on. Yeah. And he's like, but no, not that. I don't bad bad that. And she's like, nope, that. And then that's the breakup. I think the movie confused itself here. Yeah.

She says like, okay, Kurt, you should break up with me so that you can have this better life of I'm not allowed to say all the blow in hookers after all the amazing arena and elite parties. He's just massaging his temples. What? Oh, he's still confused. Oh, God. But she's like, you should break up with me. And he says in the movie, like, okay.

And then there's a big pause. And I was like, credits. This is an amazing movie. If he's just like, okay, credits. He's right. He has an amazing NFL career with a whole bunch of fucking. A lot of blow and bluesies. Well, or if not credits, just like, all right, we're done.

And then two hours of his football career, what are the fucking awesome? Just the football. God, it would have been great. Right. So, but they break up. And then of course, we have to show what a great and and and Magnanimous guy he has after they break up, he hands with this big jar and she says, what's this?

And he says, it's my touchdown money. And she's like, you have a big ass jar filled with $100 bills in your motel room. He's like, yeah, and she's like, I've been broke this whole time. And he's like, right, right, we're at the end of the season now. Aren't we?

Sorry, you need blind glasses money. I hear you go, here you go. Wait, but aren't you working as a nurse or not? Or are you still a cop? I don't know who cares. Right? You're the lady character. Doesn't matter. Yep.

Well, and okay, so I love Zachary Levi. I really do, but like sadly played quarterback is beyond his scope as an actor. That's, well, that's a, that's a bad writing thing. No, because they actually have to show that. Yeah. He theoretically maybe broken up. He's not bad writing thing. I've shown that. Theoretically maybe broken up, he's not sure with Brenda. So he's just like, wow, after he does it. Yes, it's so stupid. But it's, yeah, and it's to do one better.

It's an impossible acting challenge. He has to sadly win at football. Like you have to sadly play well. That's hard to do. It's so tough. It's tough. We're in to do. It's so tough. Would have been one thing if he's just like, ah, fuck it, I'm not even gonna throw the ball

and he just gets killed by like eight, you know, fucking rushers just sacking him. Yeah, no, he has to sadly win like, ah, through a perfect touchdown pass. It's like his mom made him do the chore of winning a football game. And he's 12 and he's just like, oh, God, fine, touchdown. Are

you happy? Final. I'll get to the championship game. You know what real mom? Yes, he's winning like a semi final game at this point. A semi final. Yeah. But sadly, yes, exactly. So bit. So the game's over and I was drinking beer with his mom and she tells him that she doesn't hate Brenda anymore because we're almost to act three. Now Brenda is good. Exactly. I have a similar note, which is now his mom mysteriously wants him to be with Brenda, even though we've done nothing to justify it. I think your explanation actually makes sense because we're almost act three.

That's the stuff. Right. The mom's just like, look, it's too late to introduce a whole new fucking love interest, right? I can't just be bluesies and blow, but mom sure does turn him around and just then he gets an emergency call from Brenda. Oh God. This blows my mind. This okay. Emergency call from Brenda. Oh my God. My parents cut to devastation. There's been a tornado. So here's what happens. They drive to the parents' house and the parents just aren't there and then funeral. So was there no what? Okay, if you get a call that there's a tornado, you're like, okay, which hospital are my parents in? I'll go see if they're gonna make it or something.

No. Or, you know, they just drive to the house and I guess they're gone. So the parents are in the atmosphere somewhere. They might as well pull up at the house and there's a giant sheet over it. She pulls it off. She's like, yeah, they're dead. I was doing a reveal. Well, that's what's so fucked up is that the parents are dead.

Why did they drive down there? Exactly. They were like, oh, you know, if we go fast enough, we'll go back in time. No, you just, you guys were both in Iowa. They didn't discover the parents' bodies. They didn't, you know what I mean? They just, Arkansas, the parents have moved to fucking art,

so they drove from Iowa to Arkansas, just to sadly look over the ruins of the house that they died in. Yeah, they play it like maybe we can go rescue them if we get there in time or something, but you just drove to the house where their dead bodies would have been taken somewhere else at this point, right? I mean, yeah, it's like if you got a call that your loved one was in a car accident and they died. And so you drove to wear the accident. Right. Yeah. You went to I just either whatever.

Yeah. Did they're, yeah, it's like, no, you'd either go to the hospital or I guess maybe the where you have to identify a body or you, you know, yeah. It makes no fucking sense. So funny. But then so from there, though, we cut to there. They're sadly looking over the house. And then now we're at a hotel parking lot. He's sitting around with Brenda and some characters that we've never met that I assume are like siblings of hers or something. Who knows? Okay, just to be clear,

the main thing driving the plot right now is weather, mediocre relationship, maybe eventually kind of football. That's what's happening. Yes, eventually football, but right now weather. Yes, we're still on weather. Iowa weather. It's also good time to take a tally of the God tab here. Right. God to this poor woman Brenda has again, you know, devastated her life. Had her ex-husband, you know, drop her shot. All this horrible shit. God has now think about her parents' lives. Her parents worked their whole lives. They were

people, salt to the earth, nice people. They finally were like, you know what, it's been long enough. We're finally bought a retirement home. There's a creek there. I'm going to do some fish and we're going to finally live the lives that we've worked all our lives to have. We're going to finally have, bam, dead, tornado. Fucking tornado kills them. It's the classic parable that you saved all your life and then you know, you're fucking, it's a, it's a, it's a, a Lannis Morsez song.

Yeah. You know, I want it. Like they die the, and that's, that's what's going on with Brenda and God for her. Like that's the tally for her. And then Kurt is like, but I have got I need a football. God won't flip. But there's there's an interesting inflection point in the life of Kurt Warner here. So a serious way. Yeah. Right. It's just yeah. So and so he sadly goes back into the hotel

room and he's got to pray, right? So now we're at 3.7. He's got to pray to God. Whatever should he do at this point, and then Zach, the blind kid wakes up while he's praying, and I'm like, oh, twist an exact, was God this whole time. He's like, and now I will grant you a great football career because you have been good to my mom, you know? Yeah, it's like a sequel to Bruce Almighty. Yeah. Exactly.

Almighty. And he does. Kurt Warner just spits in his hand and rubs it all over Zach's eyes. Hey, stop. Stop. You're supposed to do it his hand and rubs it all over Zach's eyes. Hey, stop. Stop. You're supposed to do it in the mud and then put the mud in my eyes. God damn it. So they go to scatter mom and dad's ashes.

We have this big convoluted bit where he tells her that he'll watch the kids for a few days because he'll be damned if he was going to watch her kids for two days without that making it into the movie. He's a good guy, damn it. Yeah. After she's lost her parents, they make clear that like, this is the only acceptable time for a mom to maybe get a vacation from being a mom is a day or two after your parents die in a fucking tornado.

Yeah. That's the only time. Otherwise, you're in charge of the kids. That's your job. Pretty sure. Yeah. And by the way, this of the kids. That's your job. Pretty sure. Yeah. And by the way, this ends up, he has to drive home. So we get a nice, good, handshot of driving in Iowa.

Oh, God. That's it's literally the most boring thing I've ever done in my life is driving. I've driven through the entire state of Iowa. It's so goddamn boring. It's a scene in the movie right now. Yeah. We had a scene at a funeral for a second there for no reason. Like, it's like Kurt Warner's hijacking plots from the other people for his eventual boring

fucking movie. So just do the football. And so as she comes back from her two days in her life as a vacation of the kids, after her parents have died, literally her parents died two days in our life as a vacation of the kids after appearance of that literally her parents died two days off Mm-hmm. She comes back and court Warner is like this is when I need to propose yes In front of a bunch of people so like an asshole great timing. Yeah, no wouldn't you've been like hey? I'm still mourning. I've got my parents yesterday We just did the funeral remember when we dug their corpses apparently out of the ruins of a tornado, I'm not feeling

that romantic. At the funeral home, he bangs a fork on a glass. Everybody. What do you do, man? That's not the time. But yeah, but no, she's, she's into that apparently. So we have some kind of barn wedding. I, to be fair, I'm sure most of Iowa's buildings

are barn slash something and I don't ever. But that's, they get married into barn. So they put together a wedding during the week between the semi-final and the final of the arena leave. That's what we're to believe. They had a funeral and then they had an engagement and they had a wedding.

They had a tornado, a funeral, and all this happened between tornadoes. It was a nice little wedding. They had a tornado, a funeral, and all this happened between tornadoes. That's a nice little Saturday. It was drive through Iowa, all that. The whole time I'm thinking, is he, the championship's like tomorrow? Is he playing?

He just had a wedding. Right. Is he gonna say, is he, is the point of the movie that he's gonna be like, nope, this God marriage bullshit is more important than the championship. So I'm not playing in it. And I just picture the scene of the wife expect a brand expecting that obviously he's not

playing the fucking championship game the day after the wedding. And him being like trying to get her to let him, you know, so yeah, no, I definitely, definitely don't need to play in that. I mean, our marriage is so important, right? I mean, unless you let me, yeah, unless you, unless you were such a good wife that you let me go play in the champion chain, unless that happened. No, no, not having. Okay. We lose our deposit at sandals. What I mean, what? So, but here's my theory on this whole thing, though, is that he had a teammate that kept wanting them to get like to come over for a barbecue before the championship game. And

he didn't want to go because that guy's really annoying and everybody hates him. So he kept making excuses and he doesn't and like so and he's so committed to the lie that they had to like work that into his book and his movie. He's again, and then that week, like, I in-laws died in a tornado and then I was engaged in and then the next time next time and how he was married, I was getting married. I was on my honeymoon. Yeah. The next time he gave him all those Excuses and then had to prove they were all right in the same week. They're all true. Yeah, no, I like that

That's a good theory It was an 11 day period screenwriter nothing has happened in this whole stupid fucking movie and you put all this shit into a Today But anyway, so he did that we go to a fucking arena bowl 10 that he there we go. Doesn't quite win. No, my God. Oh, it's so good. So at this point, I was like, Oh, okay. So now he's like, good football again, because he's got love again and God. But no, he fucking loses. They actually left a lot fucking, they Tennessee Titans that they come up a yard shy. Okay, so I was wondering if you guys caught that.

Yeah, they said it up. Let's put a pin in this. They have him lose the game with precisely a certain play, which is somebody comes just about a yard short, reaching stretching out the ball to get maybe the tying to whatever would be tying or go ahead, touch on right. They show that very specifically. And I'm like, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yes.

Clevver put a pin in that maybe for later. They didn't see what they were setting up. No, it's unbelievable. They set off, you know, they did the check-offs come. Yeah. I was, they said, okay, I was going to save it for later, but yes, no, I won't say exactly what happens. I'll leave it as a hanger, but they set up an amazing check off Scott. Yeah. And then they misfire it so badly at the

end. It's so good. But they did it. Yeah. Like, why did you, you didn't have to show that play for how we lost? It's like they had the first two thirds already filmed when they realized they couldn't show the details from the Super Bowl. Oh, what if that is what it is? It may be that. But they showed some stuff though. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

They were going to be able to do something that they couldn't. Maybe somebody else has the rights to the Kevin Dyson story. I don't. Yeah. And then, okay, so, but he doesn't quite win the game, but after the game, a guy from a real football team shows up a scout from the Rams. Who's gonna say not really?

Well, yeah, not a good time. No, but a scout from the Rams shows up's gonna say not really. Well, yeah, not a football team. No, but a scout from the Rams shows up and he's like, we want you to play for a real NFL team. And he looks at the, he's like, we've been trying to get in touch with you for weeks. And he looks at the owner of the Iowa Barnes stormers, the Jim Foster, the entrepreneurial genius. And he's like, what do you mean the championship been trying to get with me for weeks? He's like, I put off their calls.

Can you blame me? I'm like, he could fucking sue you. Yeah, yes, you could blame it. What if you got injured at that point or something? Oh my God, yeah. Jesus. And not only that, this is funny. I looked it up.

You wouldn't expect this from the movie. He played four seasons of Arena League football. They make it like this is his first season. And then not only that, his last season, he played with a different team. Really? Yeah. So like it's kind of funny to think about.

Like they made it like, oh, he played for this mogul, you know, and then he was not taking the, you know, hiding the calls from, no, actually he played for five years or something like that and left and went to a different team. But anyway, whatever, it's a movie. Okay, so this is a year after the arena bowl that he lost, really. Yes, several, yeah. All right, Okay, so this is a year after the arena bowl that he lost really. Yes, several. Yeah.

All right. Well, we're finally getting close to the only part of this movie that anybody who doesn't have a named character in the fucking script cares about. So that must mean act two is over and we're ready for a break. But first, let me give back to you the hard cell. Can Kurt Warner remember where he left his keys? Will the kids enjoy their visit to the Des Moines Botanical Gardens? Why the fuck are we talking about any of the interesting aspects of Kurt Warner's life? Find out the answers to different questions and less when we return for the afterthought conclusion of American underdog.

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That's up. Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please, everybody. Did you bring a fork and a glass just for that? We're in a parking lot. I'd like to say a few words about Mr. and Mrs. Brenda. What's happening right now? My name is Brenda Brenda. I didn't know them very well myself. Did someone invite this guy to do a eulogy?

No, I'm doing the eulogy, but when we get inside. As I was a greeted disagree, I'm doing it. As I was saying, I didn't know them very well, but I do know all about the sport of football. I'm an ex-claiming arena league. Yes, perfect. Moving on, death. My friends.

We're not friends. Here's the thing about death. They'll say death is like football. Death is like football. Are you stealing the eulogy from me? I jumped in on my thing. This isn't about you, sir. It's about me. Well you sir. It's about me

Well, okay, it's about the the Brenda's and me and my story anyway as a We talk more time. Yeah, I think don't tackle it. Don't please don't please. I'm actually very quick So there's no chance you're gonna be You stayed in the pocket. That's actually kind of funny though. This is the most interesting moment in my life I'll mix the movie Well, not gonna happen funny though. This is the most interesting moment in my life. Oh, mixed movie. It won't. Nah, I kind of happened. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to open act three in the Rams home office meeting coaching legend Dick Vermeel and coaching other guy, Mike Marks. Oh my God. We finally get to the part of the movie that I could talk about for 10 hours, but we can't

because you've left the only interesting part of your movie for the last five minutes. Right. Mike fucking marks the biggest fucking asshole in the history of oh my God. I fucking hate my cards. The I okay. Here's what happens. They're discussing the one, you know, the practice squad backup quarterbacks. They're going to maybe try out and maybe they'll stay on the team.

And at first, I was going to say it's not plausible that Mike Martz would take backup quarterback number 50 on the team who's probably not going to make the team and single him out as a guy he hates and like is beneath the standard of the franchise, which by the way, the franchise fucking sucked at this point. I thought that was a punchline, but the characters didn't laugh. So I guess he's worth to believe that he really thought that somebody says the grounds keeper will make more. But Mike Martz is still like, no, man, I don't want to get a guy for free who maybe could be good. And if he doesn't make the team in no way hurts the team at all, you just keep one of the other guys that you have.

The scene is so fucking stupid. It's a mic made. This is what I wrote. My nose mic marks isn't so sure about this arena league. So dick for me. It's pretty sure about this arena league. So that's the same. So fucking stupid. So then we join Kurt Warner and Rams practice. We beat Isaac Bruce. I love this moment because he might as well just walk up and say, hello, I'm future four time pro bow wide receiver of American football Isaac Bruce. Yeah. So you may remember me from such football. Yeah. Exactly. You doing a Phil Hartman voice? He's very specifically the one player. Like we see

the running back who's fucking legend. Marshall Falk. Yeah, Marshall Falk. So fucking awesome. He was good. He was amazing. We see him. It's interesting. We totally leave out of this movie. Fucking Tory hole. Yeah. He's not in the movie like at all. And I just wonder about that because every player that they show they had to pay that guy. Is that is that how that work? I'm pretty sure. Cause you're allowed to do stories about your life that evolved. Well, yeah, but I think in this, I don't know, I think because they're using these NFL logos

and all those rights are so tight, I don't know. You probably know better than me, man. I wonder if it's like personal beefs or something. I don't know, it's just, it's interesting. It could be the Tory hold just isn't Christian enough, right? Isn't Isaac Bruce like Super Christian? Okay, that's the funny thing. I was gonna go with that is the theory, like,

because they also give a prominent role to the Baltimore Ray Lewis. Murderer. Ray Lewis, who is also, isn't he Super Christian too? Yes, and a murderer. And a murderer, yeah. And I wonder if it's like this is Kurt Warner's, you know, he's like hierarchy of the people who cares about

because they're actually Christian, so he's gonna include him in the story. Okay. That's my theory. It's funny, though, because Tory, hold big game, fucking Tory, hold it. Oh, yeah. Was a bigger part of the huge the offense, I think, than Isaac Bruce, for at least maybe later years. Yeah, eventually. Yeah. All the people we're talking about are a bigger part of the offense than Kurt Warner. No, Marshall, and Isaac Bruce and Tori, they got hit hard a lot. Those are the reasons for the success of this team. We're about to have be successful in this movie. Kurt Warner. Marshall Falk and Isaac Bruce do I know? They got hit hard a lot. Those are the reasons for the success of this team were about to have be successful in this movie.

Kurt Warner happened to be there by luck. Wow. Absolutely. Completely discrete, but that's funny. And sorry for how thoroughly we failed at the not over talking about the football aspects of this movie. Listerus who don't care about that. If that's true, how did Kurt Warner get back to the fucking Super Bowl with Arizona?

Kurt Warner fucking rules. I won't hear this. Kurt Warner is pretty fucking good though. That team he had in Arizona was amazing. Yeah, it's a team sport. Okay, everybody's got to be good. It is. It is a team sport.

So, okay, Matt Liner couldn't fucking do anything without you. So after practice, he calls Kurt Warner calls his wife tells her about the great little montage he just had And he's like, yeah, I probably will never get to play though Trent Green is so much better than me at football. Yeah So we're gonna learn later that Jesus don't love Trent Greenberry. No God's plan involves. So yeah, Andy's like, but Mike Martz, in case it wasn't clear by the fact that every time he's been on screen, he's been talking about how much he hates my fucking guts, fucking hates my guts. Yeah, that's real. Yeah, Mike Martz is theory, by the way. Okay, so here's what we're going to get to.

Overall, once we get the, the, the, the court Warner starting, the moral of the story is Mike Martz. And I think this is actually true. Things that it's not good enough to just be good at football. For some reason, you also have to survive like a vicious cyber bullying campaign. Yes. In order to be a good football player. Like that's the only, and I love it.

It might actually be what he thinks, but I just love the idea that like, I don't know, you know, Noah, you're good at juggling. Is there a point where you can't, you can't get a job as an entertain, you know, entertain being a juggler until somebody just fucking bullies you viciously for hours. Oh, you're out. And then you put up with it. You got to prove you can take it. You can stay in the pocket. Exactly.

You're fucking long haired, hippie. What are you doing with this? Fuck it. You know, like you have to go through that before, no, you could just be good at football. You got to break them down and I'm pretty sure you have to earn your father's love by him yelling at you and you winning. And then is that I feel like you guys are making jokes. Who's what's happening?

I hate Mike Mark so much. Dick Vermeel, the actual fucking good coach and the brains of the operator, the reason they were good probably. I'm gonna say Dick Vermeel, he lovingly is like treating his players nicely and is like, hey, it's so silly. It's so silly to contrast thing developed. We can actually just be nice to people and then Mike Mars is like, no, you's so silly. The contrast thing developed. Yeah. We can actually just be nice to people. And then Mark Mars is like, no, you really make them kill themselves. But if

they don't kill themselves, then they can start. So you make diamonds. There you go. Pressure. So yeah, so coach, coach for meal calls him and he's like, I'm going to get fired because Mike Marta eats me, but then coach for meal calls him in. And he gives him this whole speech about how they thought I was too old to come back to football too, just like they think you're too old to be a rookie. And he says during the speech and I quote, destiny belongs to the underdogs. And I'm like statistically speaking, it doesn't. Yeah.

Yeah. The opposite of that is true. Most of the time. Right. By definition. Yeah. Yeah. Like actually destiny just belongs to Tom Brady.

He was one hundred fucking Super Bowls. And I was a bit of an underdog too though, you know. He was, yeah, once. Yeah. He was an underdog once. Yeah, when he beat this fucking team. Yeah, that one time. And then after that, he was the overdog forever.

And I would say history kind of belongs to him. Yeah, history belongs to David Tyree and Eli Manning. That's true. That's true. That's right. That's a underdogs. All right. So, yeah.

But so now he's on the team. Kurt Warner goes to his big new real football player house. And we have the seed where so this entire time Zach, the blind kid always dreamed of being a truck driver, but he can't be a truck driver because he's blind. So now Kurt Warner's letting him drive around on the riding lawn mower because what could be safer than something that has fucking blades spinning underneath it for a blind kid to ride around on? I know you, Kurt Warner again, I think he's just dumb.

You could just sit him in your lap and have him pretend like he's driving your actual car even though you're driving. You know, you just do that around the driveway a little bit. Yep, you could do that. Nope, let's put him in a blade-wielding fucking danger machine that he could fall out of and get run over. Yeah. God, this poor kid, think about how many men in his life have tried to kill him.

Poor kid. All right. For a kid. All right. Here you go, you're in this rodeo. I signed you up. I got him. I put a couple of sticks, strips of duct tape. You know, he's on there pretty good. You're strapped right in.

You're fun. Yeah. Earn my love. All right. Now it's time for the 1999 preseason opener. God's plan, baby. Yeah, so we should point out. So Trent Green is injured in the very first preseason game

of his career and gruesome, right? Like, it was a bad injury. Is he like Jewish or something? I think that's what the movie's saying. Oh, it's not the right religion. So God was like, all right, I know how I'll do this. I'll wait for this part. I'm doing like two I'll do this. I'll wait to start this part. I'm doing like two birds one stone here.

I thought I know what this is going to be. And this is going to be amazing for Kurt Warner, the Christian guy. But also keep in mind the tally we already have. Yeah. So it's okay that God did all the shit to Brent. God murdered Brenda's parents with a tornado. Not the best way to go, by the way. Like that was probably a horrible way to go.

Murder parents, it's all okay. You know why? Because God will also fucking zap someone's ACL. Right. And it mess up their career so that Kurt Warner gets a turn. And that's, that means God's good. Maybe Trent Green found God after this. Well, and that's the thing is that the movie has to play it like that, right?

It's like green is a gruesome injured. It's a miracle. Yeah, like points upstairs like thank you big guy. You know, like angel gets this way. That's why it's so fucking funny for so many reasons why these, you know, sports people are so into God. It's hilarious at every turn because NFL football is a zero sum game. Like if the God isn't great because of what he

did with you, Kurt Warner, if you didn't do it, then someone else gets to enjoy a victory and an NFL career. It's a zero sum thing. Right. You know the odds that Trent Green overcame to get to. Yeah. It's impossible. So, right. So, but now who will play quarterback? So he can't go in to see Mike Martz, who, as you may recall, hates him with every fiber of his. Fucking hates them. I expected Mars to make him do the truffle shuffle to get in the office or something. He's like, you wanted to see me coach.

He's like, you fucking suck. He's like, yeah, but am I playing quarterback? He's like, you fucking suck. And he's like, I may suck, sir. But I have a rising strings monologue. Yeah. Mike Martz actually says, like, why should I sucker, but I have a rising strings monologue. Yeah. Mike Martz actually says, like, why should I fucking play you at quarterback right now? And Kurt Warner's like, you already, I'm on the backup, QB.

That's my job. You're paying me to literally do this already, whether or not you paint, I get paid. I was QB2, QB1 is not here. That's who you would normally. It's math. Yeah. Really? I'm not great with math, but I. God's might a Trent Green. What is it? I can do this about this to you. And he also is like Kurt stand there while I give you the movie's preview that's obviously going to be real. You're too old. You're washed, you know, that's all shit. Yeah. And I love it too because you're right. Kurt Warner doesn't have a good answer.

He's not like, well, I throw the ball good. Like I'm good at quarterback. He's just like, because it's my turn. But I thought, if you put your trust in me, coach, you'll never be disappointed. Yeah, right. Yeah. I'm a good quarterback. I am weirdly developing confidence from this confidence.

Oh, it's a trick. He's doing a confidence trick. That's like the point. The point is that Mike Martz is doing the like angry dad thing to get him to have confidence by you have to prove yourself to me crushing him first. Yeah. So and then we get the presser where we're dig for meal analysis that yes, the Kurt Warner will be their quarterback. They're not going to go sign anybody else or anything. Yeah. This is a funny quote. During the press conference, he says, okay,

we will rally around Kurt Warner and we will play good football. I think that's almost exact words. Not great. It's just good. Yeah. Which is the real, which is the real press conference. They just re-created that exactly. Not a creative endorsement. It's like he will manage the game good enough that we won't lose so much. That's what the head coach is saying about you right here. Yep. All right. So now it's NFL kickoff 1999. First actual game of Kurt Warner's rookie season. This will be the only game to enjoy this. And this is the one we're going to focus on. It's not close or anything. It's not a good one, but it's opening day. And before the game starts, Brenda comes to see him in the locker room.

They apparently know to let her in the back of this locker room. The Brahms have their shit. He learned from the last time, I guess. She says, I brought a note from Zach and I'm like, please let it be an illegible scribble, please or in braille or something. I don't know. We don't know what it says. It seems like you could just bring the kid to the game though, right?

You could just instead of a note for a kid doesn't want to go to an NFL game. Right. We would think blind, but yeah. Well, yeah, you could tell him what was going on. Yeah, that's true. He's mowing the lawn. He doesn't have time to go in. Yeah. I left him on the lawnmower. We know his job. He's got a great time. He's loving it. So yeah, and then we get the fucking least passionate kiss and cinematic history.

And then we get kick off. And of course, this is against the Baltimore Ravens. Their star player at the time was Ray Lewis. Fun fact, he murdered a man in a knife fight and never got punished. Is that okay? You kept saying that there's been so many NFL murders. I lost that. No, you say which murder Ray Lewis did. Yeah. No. So someone in his group murdered someone

with a knife outside of a club and it turned out not to be him despite all the early reports and stuff that said that it was. Yeah. But he loves God. So, yep, but he loves Jesus. So he's good. He's redeemed. But yeah. So he, but he, and he loves Jesus. So he's good where he's redeemed. But yeah, so he but he's talking trash and he's gonna make this rookie pay and blah blah blah blah and even intercepts the ball on his first throw. Yeah, I mean you should have seen that coming though. You saw Ray Lewis starts doing something in slow-mo right before the Yeah, obviously now you know like especially as fast as you are. Yeah, you're He's going in slump. You're getting picked off by by Lewis, throw to the other side of the field or something. Well, I think at this point everybody looks slow motion to Kirk because he's so fast. Fair enough.

But okay, but yeah, he doesn't do good. He throws an interception. So he gets a call from Mike Mars on the sideline and Mike Mars is all like, hey man, it was all an act. I don't really hate you. Now you can play football better. And he's like, I can play football better, right? Which to be fair is what I would also say if I fucking hated a guy and bullied him for

years and then was stuck with him now as quarterback. Yeah. So that was all a test, right? But yeah, but now he can football good because he believes in himself and he's can stay in the pocket or whatever So he drives down the field gets a touchdown and then and then he kneels down to pray afterwards because he saw what God did to Trent Green He's not fucking around Yeah, at one point he there's they do a shovel pass. It's a trick play in football Where it's not even a trick play. It's just like no not really like a pass that you would

Sometimes run and the announcer's like a shovel pass fuck me in the goddamn neck Yeah, oh Kurt looks up he sees his wife in a crowd of 66,000 people. That's unrealistic But the Rams won I want to point out the Jaguars beat San Francisco 41 to three that day. Way better. They're the bigger margin of victory than the Rams had. Cool. The Ravens. They must have loved God even more. Yeah. Must have. They beat the Ravens to six to three. Yeah. Later on that year. So it seems at this point that they're making the finale of the movie game one of this football season.

Yep. Which they kind of do. They just barely avoid doing that. But the big finale of this scene is the kneel down play, which was so fucking funny. Yeah. Because that's the dumb. If you don't know football, there's this dumb thing at the end where there's like 10 seconds left or whatever.

And one more time, the team that's winning has to snap the ball and literally the quarterback just kneels down. Yeah. And it's over and that's the end of the game. And that's the end of the game. And they make this into like a big finale of the scene. I think they were going for like, he never wanted the game to end. I think they were like, he doesn't want the, I wish this game would never end.

And so he like takes for fucking ever to kneel down by the way. Probably got a delay of game call, but that's okay. Yeah, I don't know what the, yeah. So the big finale is the kneel down of the first game and fuck all the other stuff, which they won by like 20 points or so. It was a big victory. What was that close game? Yeah. That wasn't a very crucial kneel down. No, this was not a Colin Kaepernick kneel down. By the way, this was a I love God kneel down for Yeah, and it's the opening game. So it's literally like the least important win of the entire season Mm-hmm. Like to thank God for smiting Trent Green Yeah, or

God I wish they would do that. I wish parents and I wish when he said I want to thank God I wish they were required to answer for what like oh really what Did yeah, what did God do in this situation? Plan the plan to play in the mysterious way. Yeah, what what did God do to contribute to you getting to this point? What would tell me tell me the actions he did what did he do and then we get my best worst We squeeze the next 15 regular season games to play off games So by we get a Super Bowl into a quick little montage. Mm-hmm.

My favorite aspect of this by the way, as he's running out to play in the Super Bowl, Dick Vermeel stops Kurt Warner and says, and I quote, you couldn't have asked for a better script. I'm like, the balls on this screenwriter. Oh, shit. These are the best words you've ever heard. I'm writing this. This screenwriter. Holy shit. These are the best words you've ever heard. I'm writing to you now.

So stupid. Well, so what's even more incompetent about that is that I believe that's based on what he actually told him once they were down in that Super Bowl, it was about the comeback there, I think. Oh, wow. But they didn't set that up in the movie. So as you say, it's just him, like just randomly being like, this is the best script ever. Yeah, that would have been intense.

If the country's like, how great is this set up if we actually win this? Yeah. Okay, that is cool. If you actually, that was what it was, but this movie isn't competent. So, hey, Kurt, apropos, nothing in the script rules. Okay, go play. Yeah. Well, I didn't even have the announcer said,

as I'm writing man the balls on this writer, the announcer comes up and says, well, you couldn't ask for a better script for his rookie season. I'm like, we just, it was a montage. There was not even a scripted thing. It just said montage and brackets. Yeah. Let me get this straight.

His rookie season would have been an amazing script. Maybe we should have shown that in the fucking moment. Yeah, that would have been an amazing script. Maybe we should have shown that in the fucking moment. Yeah, that would have been great. Instead, we get actually yada yada yada, two minutes left in the Super Bowl. We skipped the entire amazing thing. Thomas just mentioned it. Yeah. Yeah. And now there's two minutes left. And okay, this is, this is amazing to me. This is my favorite part. So they show a big important Isaac Bruce touchdown here. Kurt Warner throws touchdown to Isaac Bruce the receiver and the Rams are ahead in the Super Bowl right near the end up by seven. Yeah, they're up by seven now. But then what happens? That's not the end of the fucking

game. No, no, no, end of that game is what I was talking about at the very beginning. Yes. The most amazing moment or close to it in in Super Bowl history in any sport history. It's the final game of the season. And there's this amazing drive by the other team, the Tennessee Titans. They're down by seven with a minute left and they go all the way down the field. All the way down the field.

They run a play with whatever 15 seconds left, 10 seconds left, and their player gets to within one yard of the end zones. One yard. So entering his arm out just barely doesn't make it. It is one of the like three most famous plays in all of football. Yeah. It's which they specifically set up by having him lose the arena championship without

exact play, which I have to imagine didn't really happen. Like they just put that in for the reason. Well, and then not only that, but like I spent the entire time expecting that the reason we had to really focus on his faith is so that Kurt Warner would have something to do at the end, right? He could be praying to God at the end. Oh, please don't let him get in. And then we can show like the fucking holy ghost tie in Kevin Dyson shoelaces together

mid-layers, or whatever, you know. You know, there's always that picture of Jesus, like with the surgeon, you know, like, I mean, the surgeon says, we'll do that, but like, Jesus has a helmet and pads on, and he's also wrapped around the legs of the player, like, he's also tackling with the fucking up Trent Green surgeon.

It's the same thing. He's the worst. Bucket with Steve McNair's nose with a feather as he throws the bunch of us. None of that happened. No game. It's an amazing moment without Kurt Warner. And the movie has to just pretend it never happened.

Yeah, you could have built up to Kurt Warner on this eyeline. That's it. That's got to be mental hell, by the way, as a club. Yeah. You have just led to come back. The other team is marching by the way, as a quarterback. You have just led a comeback. The other team is marching down the field, marching down the field. They could possibly, and you could have had a great conflict of, you know, Kurt Warner, again, going, it's your movie with his faith, you know, like keeping the faith in that time,

doing whatever he's doing, keeping faith in God, and then God delivering him a win in the exact same fashion that he lost in the arena league for you could have done all that. You're a Christian bullshit. You could do that. Nope. They're like, and yada yada yada grace play ever. Right. Yeah.

He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's

he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah the movie like shows a little quick, you know, and then he went on to, well, never went as super well again, but it did pretty good. He did good after that. And then they show the real people and that fucks you right up right after having looked at Anna Pacquan and Zach relief by the whole time and and Dennis Quaid. It just fucked me right up. I'm not going to lie. It got me.

Yeah, this fucking awesome. It was pretty good. Sorry, that's super bulls fucking awesome. Great got me. Yeah, this fucking awesome. It was pretty good. Sorry, that's super bulls fucking awesome. Great fucking movie. Honestly, this is a great story of all time. You know what's even more of an outrage? There's not another option that I could find for watching this story.

I was in part of the prep of this. I was like, well, I want to watch like an actual documentary or anything. Oh, you know, if there's not like a 30 for 30 type of, you know what a guest, ESPN, did a thing. There is not a third. I saw the only thing I found was a football life, but you can't find any. There's not like a 30 for 30 type of. No, it would have guessed ESPN did a thing. Yeah. There is not a third. I saw the only thing I found was a football life, but you can't get it. Like I don't know how to order like the DVD of fucking a football life to get this action. It's the best story in sports. What's going on here? Yeah. No. The only thing we get is a Christian movie about it. Fuck off. Right. An episode of Arles. Come on. All right. So and I feel like this would have been obvious

by the end, but I also don't feel like it was what is the moral of the story here? Stay in the pocket and don't be Jewish like Trent Green maybe. I guess. I don't think he's actually Jewish. Okay. Yeah. I think I got it.

If you pray enough, no, if your wife believes enough in God and use the sort of go along with it, God will kill her parents. Yeah, but but also let you win a football game after ruining another guy's football. There you go. Yeah. I think what a great God. Well, yeah, because again, he did the numbers at the beginning, right? He did the one out of a thousand out of a thousand out of a thousand numbers. And so might take on the moralist, keep buying them lottery tickets. One of them is bound to pay off eventually. Oh, totally.

This movie is, and this whole ethos, you know, that meme you see of the airplane bomber with like, oh, it hit all these parts of the airplane when they came back. And the, the, the, the guys like, we should reinforce those parts. And then the genius is like, no, you got to reinforce the other parts because that's the airplanes that didn't come back. And that name was Albert Einstein or whatever the fucking meme is. I don't know. And it's like that, but for life, it's the people who are the one and a million. That's the whole ethos is you could just be that. And I'm saying you're like, yep. Yeah. No, those people are that but then what about the

999,000 people who don't get to be Kurt Warner, what are they? Right? We didn't just randomly make a movie about a guy Yeah, maybe we should have a social safety net for I know did they not whole hard enough on their bootstrap? Probably must have been it they didn't believe in themselves enough. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So well, that's going to do it for our review. I guess of American underdog that isn't going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need a lure you and us back in next week. So he tell us what's on deck at this. Shrug.

God damn it. Part one. It's a shrug. Tacular. I'm calling it. We're doing a shrug. Oh my god. You want to do one? I got three of them close to three of them. The shrug. The hula hoop. Holy shit. And I believe that house cats, we might have the legendary I'm going to do one, two, three of them close starting three of the shrubs to hack your part one.

And I believe that that house cats, we might have the legendary Cecil from cognitive dissonance. Right on that I am not closer to Lord in. So Cecil for Cecil, you're Lord in by Cecil. So at that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode three, 36 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Thomas Smith for helping us out today. And perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon

donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God offland. They're right under the access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and showing the show on all your various social media

platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows this getting a de-insightation data, D&D minus and discover credit, available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, send them by suggestion, cheonymail Godoff from mose.gmail.com,

legal services for the spot catcher, write a battle law, this is a P&R retours. Tim Robertson, Tascar, our social media, our theme song was written in performance by Ryan Slott, and you leave the drafts on Mars. All their music was written and performed by our audience and your Morgan Clark, and once you've spoken permission.

Thanks again for giving us a check here like this week. For Heathen, right now, I'm Austin, I'm an old-earsness promise to work hard and I'll be on the show next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Colin Kaepernick was raised Methodist and has a really interesting story. Hmm. So looking forward to a Christian movie about him.

Really? Yeah! No, you'll make it. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus went on to like Kurt Warner's significantly less for the remainder of his career. Yeah. Yeah.

God went on to let Rapist Ben Roppasberger win Super Bowl 43 against Kirk Warner and what would have been an even more amazing story than this movie. Thus proving he either doesn't fucking exist or likes rapist better than Kirk Warner. I use he is a rapist in there. Mysterious ways. Mysterious ways. The proceeding by guest is production of Puzzle and on Thunderstorm LLC, Cabaret 2022. All rights reserved.