God Awful Movies - 343: The Chosen

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

This week, guest masochist Emma Thorne joins us for an atheist review of the 1978 film The Chosen. It's the story of Kirk Douglas's wang flopping around and all the stuff on either side of that sort of fades from memory. --- Check out more of Emma's stuff here: https://www.youtube.com/c/EmmaThorneVideos --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Okay, but here's the thing. And again, Emma, not to offend your people. These are two, what I'm gonna call very posh Brits doing this fight choreography. So they're not so much fight as they're like, I say, give me your wrist. Now I should wear my mother. Steps, step, mother, steps, step! They do, they look like they're fighting with four broken wrists, yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! God awful! Movie, movie, movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be sitting 900 miles to my north east is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine effinence, sir? I am amazing. Yeah, it's a little more fun than we normally have. We're also excited to welcome skeptical YouTuber, a woman who lives in Kent Hovines, mind-run

free and brand new guest massacist Emma Thorne. Emma, welcome to God off of movies. Hi, thank you for having me. You're quite welcome. It occurs to be now that I've said it that lives in Kent Hovines, mind implies slummy existence that I don't want to saddle you with. So, you know, probably I just want to emphasize that that's we're making a joke here. Yes. It's unpleasant in here. But there are no taxes though, right? You're just a, right? Yeah, for sure. Freeman on the brain. Tax free. This is where the sovereign citizens actually live. Boy, don't think. Yeah, right. So tell us Emma, what will we be breaking down today? Well, it depends who you ask. I believe you guys watched the chosen. I actually watched Rain of Fire. Oh, really? This movie has three different titles.

And yeah, some other people watched yet another title. Yeah, the worst one, Holocaust 2000. I think that's the best one. Honestly, do you? Okay. Alright, so I think I, I honestly, I kind of like Holocaust 2000. I'm gonna be honest with you. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the Omen, but you long for the days when people wore three pea suits to the mental hospital, you will love this movie. Everyone was so weirdly overdressed and everything was so brown. The 70s were so brown. Yeah.

And beige. Yeah. Right. Yeah. All the different browns are there really. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Well, I thought it was the best, it had the best worst reactions just to anything ever.

Everybody in this movie is really fucking weird. It's like, they're like aliens trying to come off as humans but acting in a movie. Yes. They stare at each other just silently for ages and nobody thinks that's weird. They'll be like something really traumatic or emotional will happen. And then they'll just walk away without right snow. That's so weird. Right. And then they'll just wander off and fuck or something. It'll just be like,

what? Oh yeah. Yeah. Why's nobody talking about what just happened? that it'll just be like, what? Yeah, well, it's nobody talking about what just happened. You went, like, there are several times in this movie that like, I would never stop talking about that if that happened in front of me, right? That's the only thing I would ever fucking talk about. And yeah, and these people have forgotten it by the time they get to the car. Yep. All right, so I was going to go with the obvious one.

I can't believe I picked last and either you had this, I'm going to go with best worst floppy geriatric penis. Heck yeah. I'm going to leave that tease. Just say, let's say swaying in the breeze for you. But yes, you have a sex to generic and penis to look forward to in this film. Oh, so I was going to go with best worst original title, which as Emma mentioned was Holocaust 2000.

But I'm going to go instead with best worst of the 70s. I've written all the 70s several dozen times in my notes because there's just, there's a pregnant woman doing a head out of a crack pile. Yes. People are just parking crosswise into a parking spot. Gas was 36 cents a gallon. It was not even. Yeah. It's a different time. Oh, yeah. No kidding. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, if 1977, I'm always about anything. It was about pausing just all the time and inexplicably. So in the maddock solidarity, we're gonna pause just a little bit

ourselves, but we're back in a minute with all the spoon bed plot points of the chosen. I mean rain of fire. Oh, wait, I mean Holocaust 2000. No wait, I mean the chosen. Hey, podcast listener, have you spent two years inside trying not to die? Did you get your microchip injection from Bill Gates? Well, then it sounds like you deserve to come to our very first live show of 2022 on May 7th in Toronto, Canada. That's right, Canada! That was syrup! We'll be breaking down Christianity's worst offerings live

complete with physical bits, microphones, and our bare naked faces. Not that kind of bear! Check the show notes for tickets but act fast because we haven't done a show for three years, and this will sell out! God-offer movies, live in Toronto! Toronto! Toronto indeed! Thanks so much for doing the show, Emma.

Oh, no problem. They'll help? Oh, no problem. Little help. Oh, every time. Hi, Emma. Good to see you. I'd shake your hand, but I'm a little tied up in my flexor-tron muscle blaster. But why did you even get the flexor-tron muscle blaster out? Well, I figured with a whipper snapper like Emma coming on the show, I got to keep myself limber and lean.

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Now, you know, if we do that, he doesn't learn. Don't listen to him, I'll learn. He won't learn. Well, and we do that, he doesn't learn. Don't listen, Emma, I'll learn. He won't learn. I will. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a little speed exposition to the point where like, I feel like the opening line of the movie and the opening line of the blurb are the same sentence except one is in the first person and the other, similar third.

Yeah. He's explaining the plot of what the entire movie is going to be about to these guys as they ride to the nuclear power plant he's building. And I wrote in my notes, I feel like you should know how a nuclear power plant works before you get to ride on the helicopter, but that's just me. Or maybe at least you should know why you're on that helicopter before you're on it over a desert somewhere. It's such a weird place to explain the basics. But yeah, so he's, this is Kirk Douglas. He's the star of the film and he is going to build a nuclear power plant in just, generically,

the Holy Land. We never mentioned what country he's in. At one point, he'd refers to it as this third world area. And I don't think countries like it when you prefer to them as the third world area to their faces. I think they prefer you don't do that. So this was 1978 Ely. This was before we discovered caring what people in the third world countries thought about what we said in their faces. Sorry. Yeah. So it was a it was a worse time in every measurable way. But he explains how nuclear power plants work.

Well, he explains it the way that you would explain it to your grandkids if you didn't know how they worked and you knew they weren't going to check anyway. He's like, there's lasers and heat. There's heat. Yeah, I still didn't get it. At this point in the film, I still wasn't sure if it was a nuclear power point because it wasn't explained to me well enough. He brags about it being as hot as the center of the sun. Yeah, well, he said it's the only thing as hot as the center of the sun.

And this lovely reporter, love interest character would like to take issue with that. Yeah. And she gives the most outstanding shit eating grin at this. Like, she does like an arm actually. Uh-huh. It's's like a heat of a hydrogen bomb, and then gives him this little grin and snap-so-photo of his distressed face. Kind of think that this character is an icon through the entire thing. That's her introduction, not her so much. No question. So, after the helicopter ride, Kirk Kirk meets up with her and he's like, so I know this is weird to sure like literally half my age. Are you the love interest by any chance?

And she's like believe it or not. Yeah, I am. And she is Sarah Golden who works for Kane Enterprises. Yes. So stupid. Yeah, I'm really surprised that their competitor wasn't able enterprises. That's how on the nose everything was. But he's smitten. And so he's like, hey, let me show you a cave youthfully. Right. He's doing that. When old guys are around young women thing where you just, you know, you try to jump fences and shit that you went, yeah, I'm like, why the fuck would I do that? I'm in my 40s. He's doing that kind of shit. Yeah, he prop a bounds along. It's the early time that he runs in the whole film. Well, there's another time. We'll talk about it. Yes, but he looks much older the other time. He does. He does. He does.

Does it either. Well, yeah, so he takes her to this cave that has Jesus carved into the rocks, the name of Jesus carved into the rocks. Yeah. I wrote a joke in my notes, oh, Jesus carved his name here as a teen. It will be so much dumb. Yeah. So they go into this cave and she's like, wow, this could be the cave of the vision. And it's like, what is this like the backstory of the movie? She And it's like, what is this, like the backstory of the movie?

She says it's exactly the backstory of the movie. Yeah, let me give it to you right quick. Yeah. She tells them about the 10 headed crown wearing monster. And I'm going to call this like the yoke on the shoulders of this movie because, look, when you're dealing with Bronze Age people who can't read or write,

I'm sure the description of this monster is very scary. It's in modern times. It sounds fucking ridiculous. It sounds like they ran out of ideas for Pokemon. It's going to be the scariest part of this film, apparently. Yes, this is the legendary seven headed 10 horned each horn has its own crown Monster from the book of Revelation Mm-hmm. This is the cave apparently where I did that where John had that revelation. I guess I don't know Yes, yeah sure because why not? I mean she completely trusts this random dude that is just like hey

You want me to show you something amazing? I just found like it's a perfectly neat fresh and carving of Jesus What are you like oh, yeah, it's definitely prophecy. Cave of prophecy. No doubt. Right. Yeah. Let me follow you into this dark cave, man. I just fucking met.

Yeah. So, okay. Now we fast forward to the official like dynamiting of the ancient graves ceremony, right? Because they have to like clear out this. Oh, well, we just, if we just clear out this area here with all these Jesus caves and everything, if we just blow that up with dynamite, we can put a new clear power plant right there, right? Yeah.

And this is the first of many of Emma's best worst where there's just quite a lot of staring. So much staring. And nobody or everybody around them is completely oblivious. It's so weird. It's like they had both agreed to blow up this mountain, but they were like, I'm worried I'm going to incite the incident of the movie. Well, I'm worried I'm going to incite the incident of the movie. Well, that's just the thing, because they have this long

moment where Kirk stairs at Sarah and Sarah stairs at Kirk, and it's just like, yeah, but nothing has happened yet. Like, if they all had read the script already, this makes sense, guys, but otherwise it's just weird, creepy staring. Yeah. But of course he offers the prime minister of, you know, whatever fucking the third world. Yes, the third world to stand the ability to push the button to actually blow up the ancient haunted graves. So he's like, no, you know what, you have at that man, that's your button

to press. And then he stares it serotonously and then he pushes the exploding buttons and we get the book in starving child B roll credits. Hey, music note, the pink Panther cures starvation. This is so fucked up. When do we stop doing show like this in movies? Because like they're showing us actual footage of children in some kind of like war or famine or crisis or whatever that are starving to death. And it's just like, you're shitty fucking movie

is that kid's legacy? Yes. Yeah. I wrote my notes. I'm pretty sure people didn't want footage of their dead kids used for the movie Holocaust 2000. I'm pretty sure people didn't want footage of their dead kids used for the movie Holocaust 2000. I don't care what they signed. Yeah, right. We get the fucking schizophrenic title at this point Where's just like I don't I was like it's a title card mystery box who the fuck even knows

Yeah, I got Holocaust 2000 Emma. You got something different, right? Yeah, I got rena fire. Okay, okay I also got Holocaust 2000 also my credits started in English and then ended up in a tells Emma, you got something different, right? Yeah, I got rena fire. Okay. Okay. I also got Holocaust 2000. Also, my credit started in English and then ended up in Italian. Yeah. But yeah, so we see over these very long, stary credits that the Jesus rock did blow up. Right? Yeah.

So then we cut to this, I guess, there's gonna be these protesters that follow Kirk Douglas from continent to continent From work to home wherever he goes They will be standing outside chanting about how they don't want nuclear power plants Yeah, and at this first protest they've all decided to dress up as Mimes and skeletons. Yeah, that's except for the dancing skeletons Mimes and skeletons. Yeah, there's the except for the dancing skeletons. Yes, right. It is funny because like they don't ever again, right? Because it's so it's very much like they were like, okay guys, they turned out the skeletons was just a big thing and that ended up distracting from our general message

I think so we're not gonna do the skeletons anymore. Next time let's just we'll come in our regular clothes How about wait? What if we do showers next time? We're not doing fucking showers next time. That movie hasn't even come out yet. All right. It was like there was a fancy dress slash Halloween party and they were like, wait a second. I need some crowd shots for my movie. Do you guys have 10 minutes?

No. Can you chant this real ridiculously overlong stupid chant? All right. Now, but of course, the motorcade that's got Kirk and the, and the PM gets through this protest and they go to a nice rich person party. Heck yeah. A lot of this movie is going to just take place in extremely ostentatious wood paneled rooms. Right. But if they're all 1970s wood paneled rooms, so it'll be like a carpet that looks like a cartoon character Spent 40 minutes vomiting on and also hard mohawk knee tears in the floor, right? Yeah

So expensive, but so tasteless Exactly This is also where we meet a character that I just named Franz Joseph because he's got the Franz Joseph beard He's a protester or he's pretending to be a protester, but he's also wearing a tuxedo under his skeleton outfit. So he's heading into the party. Right. Yeah.

This is also where we meet Kirk's son, Angel. And we meet him, I think flirting with his mom. Yeah, he greets his mom with a hello kiss on the neck. We all do that, right? We go to their mom a nice little Hickey to say hi. Yeah, and this is of course where we meet Kirk's wife. Don't worry. We won't need to bother naming this character. She won't be along around for long. Well, she can't be. We already seen a more attractive younger woman. So she can't

ride that long. Yep. Yep. She is on her way out. They might as well drop an an evil on her with a picture of the younger. But she's, so we learn here that Kirk Douglas, like married into this nuclear power company, apparently, but his wife still controls the majority of the stocks. And she's not so sure about this nuclear power plant. She wants to shut it down. And I cannot emphasize how crowded this room is that they are deciding to have this messy, let's end our marriage slash nuclear power plant relationship in the middle of. Yes. Yes. They're right in the middle of the fucking party that they're hosting, having this loud, yelling fight about the future of the fucking party that they're hosting having this loud, yelling fight about the future of their company.

I don't love you anymore. They're also having this, we're gonna shut down the business conversation at the party celebrating the start of the business venture. Yes! Yes! Timing? Maybe? You have to assume there are investors there.

Yeah. Someone just reaches in between them with some pigs in a blanket, Maybe you have to assume there are investors. Someone just reaches in between them with some pigs in a blanket, pig in a blanket. You guys are ending your marriage in this business. Sorry. Sorry. And then so France, Joseph Schuss, turns out he's an assassin, but for some reason he only put up herring knife for something tiny. I legitimately, I thought that was a butter knife. I saw it on the side. He can stab this one with a butter knife. I also thought that this

part, it was like five minutes of hitman suddenly, especially when he's like, he's looking all suspicious, walking over to her. Yeah, he stands on a muffin, all of a sudden nobody can see him. It's just changes into the mom clothes. Kirk Douglas keeps having the fight with her. But yeah, but just before he can stab Kirk Douglas, who he's aiming for, Angel to son sees him. He gets to drop on him. He yells dad defends himself. Angel wrestles him and mom gets stabbed to death in the melee.

Okay. But here's the thing. And Emma, not to offend your people, these are two what I'm going to call very posh Brits doing this fight choreography. So they don't so much fight as they're like, I say, give me your wrist. Now I should stand my mother. Step, step mother, step, step. They do, they look like they're fighting with fall broken wrists. Yeah.

Oh, it's amazing. And we should point out that it very much comes off that angel stabbed his mom, right? Because he's got hold of the guy's wrist. And the guy's, he's like trying to like wrestle the, the knife. And he's like, ah, stick it in my mom's gut here. And then he won't be able to move it side to side, you know, yeah. And she dies instantly, right? From a stab to the stomach, she dies seconds later. Well, she gets like, they give her like 30 seconds to look dramatic. Well, yes. Well, they just sort of, they'll sit there and watch. And

then it's like, oh, yeah, damn, she's dead. Well, yeah, I guess there's nobody, nobody tries to stop the bleeding, cause an ambulance's just like, oh, well, never mind You know the sirens in England are so annoying. They're just like let's not let's be a whole thing Yeah, and so then we cut to immediately Kirk and Angel looking foggily over mom's grave side, right? There's the funerals over everyone, but the named characters is gonna leave.. Yeah. He's like, nice job saving the company son. Good thing that guy brought a steak knife to murder me. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And angels like, well, I can't help but feel like this was my fault. These like, is it because you were controlling the knife when it went into mom's guts? And he's like, well, I didn't, you didn't have to point that out. But yes,

you don't have to say that. So, so they're leaving. And then Sarah appears mysteriously in the fog. Okay, I have a question. Did Sarah show up to his wife's funeral to flirt? Yep. Couldn't help but notice from the papers that you're single now. She'll be grabbed. And she's like, hey, I brought a clue. So she hands him this envelope, right?

And he pulls out the picture that she took in that cave, but in the picture, there's a painting of a silly snake monster behind him. This snake monster is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Oh my God, I cried. I was laughing so much. And the photo as well, it's just like, it's like, I was just watching, I was like, if there wasn't a secret big snake monster carving behind her, you'd be like, man, I want to

shoot you photographer. Right, yes. You know, it takes this candle down the bottom. It looks terrible, but it's framed perfectly with the monster in the picture. It is. It looks like someone tried to make dark souls inside this blunky engine, right? It's just like a spulunky, multi-headed boss. It looks like something like if a fucking grover went on a quest and had to kill a dragon,

right? This is what he would come across. Yeah. So okay, then we head out to the hell God, 1978 in St. Asylum, right? Where all the walls are glass and everybody is wearing a vest. It's knife to having day at the asylum. We thought it'd be a good time for you to talk to the guy who tried to murder you. This is such a stupid set up. They're like, Kirk, we needed you to come in here and talk to the guy who stabbed your wife to death in hopes that he'll tell you his name

because we can't figure it out. What, what the fuck would he tell you? I don't know why are they doing this in the gloss cages full of other mentally ill people staring like, are they okay? What's why any of this just why any of this? They're cosplaying and then it's like well you know this guy did try to kill me you certainly have security guards here right is like we have what we would have why we have security guard

I don't see why we mean more than one. No we just that seems wasteful. We just threw this guy in with all these other Jews we don't really I don't know we we're more than one. No, we just, that seems wasteful. We just threw this guy in with all these other dudes. We don't really, no, no, no, no, no, we just leave him to it. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, no, I'll go, I'll go talk to the guy paid to kill me that murdered my wife, sure, why not? And so he starts going all like evil, crazy guy,

or whatever, and he's like, he's pointing at Kurt going, that is the origin of all evil. And then all the other insane people also start to like Stim ferociously, I guess and then he attacks yeah, we have yet more slow motion fight choreography And he spends quite a long time punching. I guess the doctor Instead like he's like you are the origin of evil and then he leaves him alone to punch this other dude. Three other guys that he beats up first. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to work my way up.

You're like the main, you're like the boss. He's a boss. So good. Now that we can't be interrupted, I'm not going to punch you surprisingly. But by the time he turns to attack Kirk, he's armed himself with this goddamn comically tiny little piece of glass from somebody's eyeglasses. It's genuinely hilarious because you can see them looking down and there's a moment where they're like, you're not going to pick that up and use it as a weapon, right?

It's literally smaller than your thumb. He's like, it's like the little, like when you're, you're done. There's no real potato chips left in the bag. You know, you still want one. It's that's hot. If you ever get a fancy drink that has the cocktail sword in it and then you go over to your friend and you're like, yeah, yeah, it's that it's slightly more silly than that. And Kirk's like, well, I guess it's on the source of the evil you're going to kill me, huh? And he's like, well, I guess if I'm the source of the evil, you're going to kill me,

huh? And he's like, no, I'm going to actually cut my wrists with this glass. And then run myself into window like a bird. Yep. And apparently come away from this just fine. He will later be fine and not even scarred. Anyway. And then this is probably the weirdest reaction we've had to this point. Kirk walks away, right? He's just like, wow, it was fucking weird. And he walks up and we have this incredibly long awkward walking away shot that serves no purpose in the movie. Yeah. And it's silent. It's just the sound of his footsteps. It's so fucking awkward. Right. The music cuts out. And it's just like the awkward walking away. Well, you guys try to hit a minimum number of minutes here.

Okay, guys. Kirk says he'll be in the movie, but only if he can hit his steps on his fit bit. So we have to put in certain amount of walking. So all right right, so the next day we have Kirk and Angel there at the airport waiting to fly, I guess, home, I don't even fucking know. He's flying out back to the third world. Yeah. To sort some shit out, but Angel has some ideas about their nuclear plant. Apparently he's a hobbyist nuclear physicist. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And can I just

say this doesn't pertain very much to the plot. I just love that this film goes along with the the universe like the idea we have, like the Antichrist and the devil as a fashion icon. Yes. I love Angel's heels of the scene. He has like amazing flares. Yeah. Just always on point. Colorless shirts. Yeah. I don't know where it is in my notes. But at all times, Angel is dressed like a 17th century dualist. That's it. It's about to play tennis. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I need serenote to Berger act to be whispering all of his lines. So Kirk Douglas goes, like, well, you realize that you'd be doing extra dangerous nuclear fusion, right? And he's like, yeah. And he's like, all right, I like it.

This is great. Up and come. Yeah, but we learned here also that the prime minister of the third world lost his election. And so now there's a new prime minister that doesn't want them to make their nuclear power plant anymore. Spoiler alert, a series of less and less important people will spend the rest of the movie getting in the way of their nuclear power plant. Yeah. By the end of this movie, the antigrist is just like killing a janitor whose heart isn't

in his job. So yeah, so we head back to desertist stand or whatever. And the new PM is like, I am going to tell you all about how much I oppose your nuclear power plant. And he's like, do we have to do this in the middle of the desert? You guys have rooms. I know it's the third world, but like you have a table. I brought a model.

A model of the nuclear power plant and everything. Looks nothing like a new here power plant, but whatever. But he's like, no, PM, I will explain to you why it's fine. And he's like, no, I have a whole she full of refutations. Apparently the love interest is here. And she's got them. Right. Okay, but it's way too windy for anyone to hold fake in the scene. So she walks two inches from his chest and then he clutches it and he's like, yep, got it. He's like, you're going to open it and he's like, not if we want to get this in one day.

I just love that Kirk Douglas is like, he's like, let's just listen to remind you, this is the third world and we could absolutely civilize you guys with my amazing power on. And the prime minister's like, we I know, but he's like, I recognize that the white man is quite burdened, but yes. And he goes like, can you promise that you won't blow up the earth? And Kirk's like, I can, I can promise that I will try. Not. This is also an I got I don't, I don't know if our younger listeners will be aware of this. This is where the movie posits the nuclear plant chain reaction theory, which was an actual real fear.

People had about nuclear power back in the day, which is that if one nuclear power plant blew up, all the other ones would blow up. No, okay. So the fear that they had is that if a nuclear power plant blew up, then people would mistake that for a nuclear attack and all of a sudden, Russia would launch a bunch of shit at the US and the US would launch a bunch of shit at Russia. That was the fear.

Oh, okay. Sorry. That is actually sillier than my feet. But that's it. Like everybody so opposed to this, including this prime minister who's giving him this report. And even he says his report is like, yeah, we don't understand science. We don't know anything about science.

This is all based on our irrational fears. And it kind of makes me like root for the evil nuclear plant guys. For sure. Because they're just so irrational. Yes, I'm like, yeah, because this is all like just the whole movie is just an Italian Long guys. For sure. Because they're just so irrational. Yes. I'm a yeah, because this is all like just the whole movie is just an Italian propaganda, anti-nuclear propaganda film in a lot of ways. Yeah.

Yeah. So Kirk is unsatisfied by his meeting with Prime Minister. So he heads back to the board to discuss how to move forward in a very last, separate kind of a table shot. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, 12 board members, by the way, which they say that's not us counting either. They say out loud just to hammer it in. There are 12 gentlemen, he says. Yeah.

So he's, but they explain that this is going to make that Geneva conference very tricky. They will talk so goddamn much about this Geneva fucking conference and this fucking movie. We will never, ever go to the goddamn Geneva conference. It's so stupid. Sure won't. Yeah. But Angel has an idea, right? He's like, hey, what if you went to the Geneva Convention

with the Nobel Prize winning nuclear scientist Ernst Meyer if you had his endorsement, why I'm sure everybody would get behind your nuclear plant, right? Yeah. All right. So then we cut immediately to Kirk meeting with Dr. Meyer, and the doctor's like, well,

I would wanna like check all your stuff before I would endorse, he's like, oh wow, that's a whole fucking thing. Oh, well, you need to read it. I have to talk about this doctor. I'm sure something happened in the scene, but I was entirely distracted by the fact that the professor

character gets diverted mid conversation to yell at a student. Yes. That will never come back. It will never matter. He's just like, well, I'll tell you, Dr. Mr. Oh, one second. Fuck you, Jenkins. Fuck you right in the face. I hate you.

Anyways, he's supposed to be like the really good guy too. He's supposed to be like the the one, the righteous one who's correct and gets caught in. But so they just throw in three seconds and then being a dick to a student in front of these guests. It's like, why? Yeah. Well, and clearly it's because either the writer or actor or director was just like, you

know what, I need to do something. Teachery, why don't you berate this to it for something? Oh, I also just loved looking at the faces in this scene. I mean, this is the 70s when you could be a movie star, even if you aged like an avocado left in a glove box in the sun. All right. And then we cut to, I would say say I would argue possibly the star of the movie the laser gravetron set. Yes.

Laser tag center computer building. That's the crystal nice step. Okay. Yep. Fair. Yes. So he goes, it's Kurt goes to this weird computer thing. And this is like the 1978 idea of what a computer is. So there's these giant like laser light neon fucking light shit things everywhere for no goddamn reason.

There's a computer tubes. Yeah. I want to send you electricity into them. Yeah. Yeah. There is so weird hot tag in the room. It's so dumb. I wrote my notes all the 70s when movie computers were somewhere between a light show and an R. V. Yeah. So they're checking that all the safety stuff with the computer, but then

the computer gets angry. And it says on their weird little light bright display, two times the square root of 231, right? Now, I immediately had to do the math. It's 30.397368307, well, it's fucking meaningless, right? But that's what it's at. And also, by the way, the square root symbol is backwards. They get right.

We'll get to the meaning of this later. It is so so so so. This entire movie wouldn't have happened. If anyone said, can you write Jesus on a calculator? This entire film wouldn't have happened. Yeah, yeah, but that's it. That everybody looks at it. They're like, Oh, man, I don't understand why it would say this.

This makes no sense. And they're like, yeah, it's going to be the dumbest imagine. It's Jesus backwards. It's I E S U S backwards. And there's no you on a calculator. So we had to like insert a light bright fucking square root symbol that we did not bother to see which way fucking went yes, yes

It's also it's so clearly Jesus You're like am I smarter than all of these eminent scientists and like computer geniuses that I can tell this is Jesus and they're all like what the fuck is this? All right, I will admit that I didn't realize that until after I'd done the two to the square root of two, I was like, I did the math first. But then, oh, wait, no, I see. Well, and then, so then they have this is so stupid, the reveal on it is so silly. So we have Kirk in his plane flying home from wherever the fuck he was. Look how fucking huge planes used to be.

Emma, that's how big planes used. Everyone got their own couch. That's what I'm playing. There were four seats for airplane. That wasn't even first class. That was four, yeah. No, and it was but, but as they're landing, it's like everybody put out your cigarettes

and your cigars and your pipes. We're landing in this sealed tube now. Everyone, please put your box cutters under your seat. put out your cigarettes and your cigars and your pipes were landing. The sealed tube now. Everyone, please put your box cutters under your seat. Make sure your guns are safety on. No, this was your nightmare. But so he's sitting on the plant and he's staring at a paper on which he's written the two square root of 231.

And another guy looks from in front of him. So he's seeing through the paper backwards. And he's like, oh, there's a name that we don't see very often these days. Wait, the name he doesn't see very often these days. He's Jesus. Is it an Italy? Is it an Italy? Is it Catholic priest. Yes. Yes. He's a goddamn priest

So yeah, so he says what do you when you're talking about name? This is just a math problem And he's like no, no turning around it says Jesus except with an eye as we established earlier because there's no J And the Greek alphabet or whatever the fuck it was written in. And he's like, ah, he says so Jesus is in the computer. He's like, no, if it was backwards, it would be the anti-Christ because that's Jesus backwards.

And this is where he explains to us that anti-Christ is apparently to Jesus as Bizarro Superman. He's Superman. Is 21 apostles instead of 12? Yeah, it is opposite spoke with the goatee. That's what the antichrist Jesus. And so he says, I love this too.

This is the only time I really liked Kirk's character in this whole movie is where he goes, he turns to the priest who's telling them all about revelation and the anti-Christ being like, Bizarre O Jesus and everything. He's like, and I quote, do you really believe in this nonsense? And I'm like, you go, boy. And I'm like,

and the priest is like, no, I wear the hat and everything. I wear the whole outfit. And this is where he shows him the Bible that was illustrated by my toddler. He's got this blokey boss inside the Bible. It's supposed to be like a medieval ancient prophecy. Yeah. Yeah.

No, he shows him the picture of the silly mosque. And he's trying to explain the antichrist thing, which I am kind of sympathetic to the priest because I've read the Bible and I've read like you know what weird shit They think revelation means it's like trying to watch a random episode of a Japanese cartoon from season five with somebody who loves that Fucking show right, but yeah, but he's like but here's the silliest goddamn picture of a seven headed dragon that has ever or could ever exist in the universe be terrified Has ever or could ever exist in the universe be terrified. And of course, he's like, wait a minute, that's the same image from the photo that Sarah gave

to me at the funeral thing, right? Yeah. Oh, and then of course, he goes back to show this to Angel, his son, and I just have this character as Doc. He's the guy in the fucking laser, cerebral computer room. And he's like, look guys, it's Jesus backwards. And they're like, that's fucking dumb.

That can't be the plot. Yeah, they point out they're like, you know, literally everyone in history has said they know who the Antichrist was and they've always been wrong, right? And he's like, yeah, but it's a movie. Yeah. I love this dog character.

And his opening is just to laugh hysterically at it for like five minutes and I'm like, that's me. Yes, our analog in the film. But yeah, so the dog leaves, he's like, all right, you've been smoking too much weed or something. And he leaves and then Angel reaches down and crumbles up the backwards Jesus paper evidence. So obviously in front of everybody, right? He's like, oh, silly fun.

Silly fun. Just crumbling. Just my only. You know, rip this up like a proud boy trying to take care of. I had to watch that twice. I did not understand what was going on. I was like, but they're still together, right? They're both in the room. I had to watch that twice. I did not understand what was going on. I was like, but they're still together, right?

They're both in the room. He's still looking at him. We all have crumpling the papers. He's like, yeah, he's definitely looking right at him. And he does that. Hide. Alright, well, apparently that's all the plot we're going to get. So we might as well take a break there, but we'll be back in a flash with even more

of the chosen So the the YouTube is fun Yeah, I mean we don't call it the YouTube But cuz there's more than one No Hey guys ready to record more of the show. Oh for sure. All right. Just need a little bit of help unpacking this Wow, that's a lot. What, what is it?

Oh, this is my emotional baggage. Do you wanna start with my mom stuff? That's gonna help me out with it. Eli, maybe it's not the best idea to unload all your emotional baggage on people that we've just met. But I'm a person on the internet. What am I supposed to do with it?

Well, you could talk this stuff out with a licensed professional therapist from better help. What's better help? Wow, two points. First episode, we're just giving her two points. Huh? Ignore him. Better help is online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Just saying points matter, maybe ask that. Give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

It got awful movies, listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. That's BET, T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash awful. All right. Well, I guess you'll be keeping this emotional baggage. Yeah. You're also a person on the internet. I'm pretty sure holding this is your job. Oh, he's got you there. So it all started when I was four, right? Oh, okay.

Yes, Prime Minister. Very good. We'll speak tomorrow. Excellent. Thank you. Dark Lord? Yes, Japhethis. Marigoth. How can I help you?

Yes, I don't know, Antichrist. We have some questions. Yes, about what? Right, it's about your backwards Jesus thing. What do you mean? I mean, I do come on. He had 12 disciples, so you have 21. Your name is his name backwards. Right, right, what about it? But I just...

I don't you feel like it's a little much? Um, how so? Well, so like yesterday, you made that guy go blind, because... You know, Jesus hailed the blind. That was awesome! Right, okay, so but then the next night you gave us bacon and apple cider as tart communion. What was that? It's the opposite of bread and wine.

The opposite of bread is bacon? That was what I was, is it not? And so, okay, and then last week you walked under the water? That's just swimming, man. I can swim. Fine, fine, okay, I admit. I took the opposite Jesus stuff a little far. From now on, I'll just do normal, evil guy anti-crash stuff.

Okay, so the circle fell with a blood in your office. You can get rid of it, I'm not gonna use it. Thank you. I'm not gonna use it. Circle fell with blood? It's at the opposite of crucifixion. Right, got it it would have been awesome And we're back for more of this shit

We're gonna open up on Kirk leaving work and damn it if the protesters aren't there as well now We didn't talk about this the first time the protesters show up But their calling responses so goddamn terrible about this the first time the protesters show up, but their call and response is so goddamn terrible. Like one guy will say, what do our children want to be when they grow up? And everybody will say, alive. And like, I mean, that's part of growing up.

You can't grow up if you're dead. Like that doesn't even make sense. But also it's like four syllables too long. So the guy who shouted keeps running out of breath. It's like, what do our children want to be when they grow up? It's like running out of breath mid-wee. Anyway, it's worth it though, because there's a moment when some of the placards overlap and the alive one goes out of shot and it says, what do our children want to be when they grow up? Radioactive. I know they were all holding them at different heights and shit. You had children want to be when they grow up radioactive. And I thought that was great.

I know they were all holding them at different heights and shit. You had to really want to read the whole thing to get this. Yeah, yeah. So Kurt goes by them, he jumps in his car, he's just driving off and then Sarah pops out of his back seat like, oh god damn whack them all. Right? Oh my god, it's awful. How does he not freak the fuck he's just like

oh hey I would hear the air I was like Jesus so I'm God I would be so on the sidewalk half in the next building Jesus fucking Christ and he is just entirely not so lonely unfazed to be clear this woman has popped up in a secret cave his wife's funeral and now his I assume locked car. Right. So the implications of this are insane to me, at least for some amount of time, she was laying in his hot ass fucking car, like blowing up on the seat that he didn't see

or as he got in. She must have fucking broke into the car for this. Just lying there being like, I'm gonna get him so good. I'm gonna get him so good. And also she's just, like this is a, this could have been an email kind of situation, right?

Because she's just like, I wanna warn you that the PM is gonna do everything he can now to stop your nuclear power plant. And he's like, yeah, we had a whole scene about that. You were in it. You were in it. It's totally redundant. But came still is like polite enough, I guess, to act shocked. And it's like, it's like the prime minister literally said to your face, I'm going to do everything in my power to stop this. Yes. Why? I don't understand why this is news. Well, great. I hit in your car. I just so you know, I urinated back.

So don't. There's a Gatorade bottle in your back seat. I'm going to take it with me. Just be clear. Jesus Christ. And he's like, well, don't worry. I'm going to call Dr. Ernst Meyer on my 1978 car phone. Oh, yeah. I'm happy. We love the car. Oh, yeah, we love the cop iron. Oh, God, it's, I'm so old. I remember my dad had one of those. So, all right, they get to the airport where the bad guy, Prime Minister or good guy, whatever, is about to hold a press conference. Like the second he steps off of his plane, or sorry, not his plane, his helicopter. That's key to this scene.

Right. After he steps off his helicopter, he's going to deliver a speech about how he's not going to let that nuclear power plant go forward. Yeah. And the news is narrating it. They're like, oh, yes, the prime minister decided to wear his great big red target suit today. Of course, it's everyone gets eluded gone at the airport day today. Right. Yeah. So he goes to do his press conference, right? And then they're trying to set up that something ominous and terrible is about to happen. But like until it happens, it's just wind.

Yeah. So like do we see an ominous wind sock? I was gonna say it's very hard to do an ominous wind sock. Looks like someone's taken a trophy after killing wears Waldof. Doesn't quite have to say in punch to it. It's also cutting back and forth between, you know, the ominous wind and Kane and Sarah just looking so chill and happy. And they're just like, she's like, I guess I'm going to lose my job. And he's like, I guess I'm going to lose my power plant contract.

Oh, well, let's watch the news. Yeah. And it's like still trying to build tension. Right. No, no need to ruin your whole day about it. But then just as we're all going like, wait, what is the wind to going to do? Is it going to inhale him? Is he going to fly off because of a gust?

No. The helicopter is the blades of the helicopter are going to get caught in the wind and swing around as it starts and cut the very top of the PM's head off realism. You know, sometimes it's like a strong gust of wind and the helicopter blades go fast enough to decapitate a man. That's what happens. It's like taking the top off an egg. That's what it's like.

Right. It's a split them like a coconut. That's the thing. Even be heading would be more realistic because like, you know, the head comes off fairly easily at the neck compared to splitting the skull in half. I really thought he was going to blow up. I was like, what? Because they have all these shots of the pilot at the controls and you're like, oh, somebody

in there is going to blow it up. And then when his head came off, I just lost my mind. I cackled so much. It's just so bizarre. Like a, like a bottle of exedrant being opened. It was just amazing. Oh, yeah. So and then after that happens, after this incredibly gruesome death, Kirk and Sarah drive away. And at first, my notes are

like, wow, they're going to have to have that awkward. Hey, did you think a magical anti-Christ spell was behind that partial beheading thing? But they don't, they just kind of smile very inappropriately and then go fuck. There's literally a like a four second pause and then he's like, so what do you want to do for lunch? Tie? I'm going to talk to you. Great.

Yeah, he takes her to his, to his hidden secluded fuck cabin, right? She's like, oh, there's a baby deer here. I guess this is the prey, Lou, to a sex scene. He's like, it's weird that those two things are associated, but yes. I was so hoping the baby deer was going to cough up a helicopter blade that cut her head off. Kicks her right between the eyes. Can we just say as well? We say cabin, but it's like a big, fucking beautiful, modern house in the woods.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like, it's very primitive. It's a fucking like another match. Yeah, it's a very primitive. It doesn't have a TV. He's like, all right. I've seen your TVs come on. It was primitive one way or the other. It's the 1970s. Yeah.

And they needed their own laser disc room. So, yeah, so the deer's like, well, they start kissing the deer's like, well, I'm not getting any more fucking hand-fed grass. I'm fuck out of here. Oh, the 70s, when the love interest was literally young enough to be the leads grand daughter. Well, I don't know about that. She was, I think, 30 years younger than him, though, 31 years age difference. The only time a woman that age should be pressing her mouth to a man that ages mouth is mouth

to mouth resuscitation. But he heads to work where the protesters are still there, still haven't come up with a better chant. And looking less enthusiastic person, can I just... Yes! There's one dude who like far, far, at least throws his fist in the air. They're like walking slower. I feel like the extras were just like so down at this point.

So we need a shorter champ man, we're exhausted. That Gatorade, no, don't drink that. Give it his. So yeah, and then so he gets into work, he sees that Angel, his son, his adult son that is the same age as his girlfriend, is already at work hard at chewing people out over blueprints, right? Because they think that's what being the boss properly is yelling at people over papers. And the point of the scene is that Kirk's doing the like, ask me if I got laid last night.

Come on. Ask me if I got laid last night. Okay. First ask me, will she a couple years younger than you? Because she was. She was a couple years younger than you? Because she was. She was a couple years younger than you. And Barry in mind, his wife just died. His wife, that was Andrew's mom.

And he's just like, yeah, I needed a change from your very recently deceased mother. Yes. Do you remember that hot press attache? Which is about, this is about your edges. Pretty nice. Yeah, wait. And on top of that, like keep in mind again, the day before they all witnessed a man on the news get his head chopped off while he was right there.

I'm having a great week. I'm having a great week. First year mom gets stabbed, which let's be honest by you. That doesn't want my contract got his head cut off yesterday. And now I'm having sex with someone. Two generations below me. It's great. Yeah. And then so the very next scene scene him and Sarah are moving in together, right? Yeah, so he's all the way over his wife

I guess and we get the poorly executed chair antics, right? It's the 1970s and so she's like, hey, you put your foot through a chair and he's like, you bitch, I'll choke you to death. Right. We can't hold my school of rough housing. Yes. Right. Oh, you laugh.

Well, I'm going to playfully rape you. Jesus Christ, man, stop. And then, but luckily the doorbell rings. We don't have to watch that angel shows up for lunch. Yeah. but luckily the doorbell rings. We don't have to watch that. Angel shows up for lunch. Yeah. And again, he is dressed like Kanye West during his least harmful breakdown. No.

And also, there haven't dinner. Angel very casually mentions how much he fucking hated his mom. And I'm like, you do stabbed her, dude. I just feel like you just leave, keep that to yourself. But. And then apropos of nothing, Kirk is like, oh, hey, fun fact, while we're all having a little dinner together, when you were born, you had a twin who died very dramatically.

That's the word he uses very dramatically. And I wrote in my notes, like, like he got eaten by the shark in deep blue sea. What do you think? I was assuming that he had a long monologue, you know, like he overplayed it or something. Yeah, let's say and he's like, he's like, I'm by the way son. I never told you that your mum blamed you for the death of your infant brother. Like, I feel like Angel even sans being the antichrist, he has every right to go nuclear and blow out the planet at this point on his.

Absolutely. For sure. Amen. Three body problem. That's shit. So now we're back at Kirk's office. This is so silly. So Angel has written a report on the safety of the nuclear power plant. And we have to like have him dramatically read it, but since you can't have somebody dramatically read it, Angel has recorded it on a cassette tape so that we can watch him listen to, we listen along with him. I really wanted to finish it and it's like, audible hopes you've enjoyed this. But this is where the movie does its big reveal. Now we have seen the model of this nuclear power plant a number of times, but we haven't described to you why there are seven big round

let's call them heads, each of which has 10 like protruding let's call them horns. And we like we set this up for like eight fucking minutes, right? Where like the tables say each will have seven things that have ten crowns on each one of the bubble, and then we'll hear the priest from earlier going, the beast will have seven heads and ten crowns. You didn't get it, you didn't get that, let's do it again, let's do that again from the top.

Okay, if you took the brown acid, it would stock. This is gonna take some doing. So we'll superimpose the spillunky monster on top of the thing. Jesus Christ. My favorite of the numbers is the the prophecy says, and it will rain for 42 months. And that's apparently then they mixed that up with there will be 42 generator components in the power. How did that?

Yes. At a certain point, this is how numerologically it gets. It's just that as long as the number is the same, it doesn't fucking matter what it's saying. Right. I love the idea of the poor Annie Christ trying to shoe in all these terrible numbers. I was thinking perhaps we would have 14 buttons on this panel. Well, there's only two devices. We need backups.

Don't question me. I'll stab you like my mother. So and then and now this is also where Dr. Ernst Meyer who has disappeared mysteriously since he took on the job of verifying that this PowerPoint would be fun. He calls Kirk and he's like, hey, I need to talk to you. He's like, okay, we're on the phone with each other right now. I feel like we could just do that. He's like, nope, not dramatic enough. I need you to meet me at a very dramatic beach. He's like, oh, okay, real close to the parking lot. He's like, nowhere fucking near.

We watch Kirk walk to this dude for so long. I thought the first thing he was going to say to him is, it's Monday, part of the unsurpassed circuit. It's eight fucking minutes of wash to walk across this fucking beach. Oh, if you've ever done this, it's where you see someone and you wave to early and then you have to like continue to do the like can't talk yet. Yeah, it's because they would be able to do physical bits doing the worm on your way. Yeah, and so he's like Dr. Meyer, I appreciate you meeting with me.

I really wish we could have done it near a road. He's like, yeah, weird that I didn't choose a road. And he's like, so what's your assessment? Do you like my new hair power plant? He's like, you know, that I didn't choose a road. And he's like, so what's your assessment? Do you like my new hair power plant? He's like, you know, look, man, it's 1978. I feel like technology has got about as far as it can realistically go. We've reached the pinnacle of mankind's achievements.

I tell you, the pinnacle. Did you see that car phone? That's pretty nifty. Tiny. This is a Nobel Prize winning scientist. And he's like, no, that's the end of science. All that's left is God. He's like, what?

Yes, there's nothing left for science to discover. It's all God now. And apparently he's resigned himself to the fate of death at this point. So we get this moment, and I can see how the writer thought in his mind that this is going to be super dramatic where the water starts to rise around them. And Kirk has to run away because the tide is coming into quickly and the whole beach will be washed out. But number one, it never gets above his knees, right?

So it's like knee level water is the danger. Like your shoes are going to be ruined is the danger, right? And number two, this is a thing that actually happens over a very long period of time, say an hour or two. And so you can't actually see it happen. It's just like, we see a wave come in and then we see him in ankle deep water doing the like, ooch, ooch, ooch, ooch, ooch, ooch. Correct me if I'm wrong. Uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, uch, u sea. Yes, which means somewhere, somewhere in this beautiful universe, there's the cut footage

of them being like, Mitch, lie down. Because you're, because you're drowning, Mitch. Suck in your belly, though. Your belly is still, we can just, stop saying, blah, blah. So yeah. So yeah, so he leaves there. He comes home that night in a rainstorm. There's a great moment where Sarah's going to like help him take off his sports coat, but he's still taking off his overcoat when it happens. And this is weird. Not moment. Anyway,

I just I love the blocking in these dumbass movies. I really wanted to get caught in the coat for like five minutes out, out, out, no over, you go over. Why am I wearing a free pea suit under two coats? But she's like, what's happened to me? He's like, yeah, the audience was wondering the same thing. Once we have CGI, you'll be able to do shit like this, but actually, instead of me explaining what's going on, how about we just have some, some boob and some ass in this next scene. Okay. I need to talk about this sex scene.

Kirk is 97 when they shot this scene. 61, I think. Okay. He is, he looks 97 and he can't do any athletic sex scene stuff. So the sex scene is literally them lying together. He runs his finger down her boob like he's gonna boop it. And then his old man Tushy. Yes, we do. Well, we get his old man Tushy for a while here at a second, but yeah, there's like as though in addition to him hitting his fucking Fitbit goal on camera,

he also has like three, like contractually obligated boob touches that they were trying to get in all in one scene here. Right. This one really gets here. This is like a, this is a trap for the like a young Christian man watching this movie because you're like, oh boobs. And then and then suddenly, suddenly it comes next. All's man dangly.

Yes. Yes. So suddenly we jump into a mid-sex scene. We jump into a dream sequence where France, Joseph dressed as fucking general Zod from the original trilogy is in a salt flat. They're trying to rip off the seventh seal and it's like someone tackled him. Right. He's like, look, I'm doing the thing from the seventh seal. And like, what the fuck outta here, Mitch? This movie sucks. And he's like, fine, I'm leaving.

And Kirk is following behind him all naked and saggy assed. And then we're just like, oh, wow, I really don't want to see his saggy ass and they're like how about from the front? We're like oh no Until you've watched Michael Douglas's dad Liberty floppy penis Bounce him through the desert Look, I'm not an in shape or fit person, but when I can look at a movie actor and I'm like, come on man, do some sit-ups before the shot or something. And he's running, he's running through sand and he looks like the oldest man trying to run, but he's like knees have gone and then his furnace is flopping around and it's

just as so awful. Yeah. And what's amazing is that this is supposed to be this like serious, dramatic, terrifying moment. And we're like, but his dicks out though. It's a flopper. And he's running right so his dick is sort of flying off to the side. Yes. It's doing the like bib, bib, bib, bib, bib, bib, bib, bib.

He runs up to the power plant in this moment of like extreme terror. And I really wanted the power plant slash dragon to be like, come on, man. What's the plan? I'm the duck least the rise from the ocean. Nobody wants to see that. Is that gold bond? Do you put gold bond on your body? So yeah.

So he has this terrible nightmare. And then he goes to doc, right, from the laser cerebral graviton machine from earlier, and he gets a fucking fancy space MRI. I can't tell if this movie's supposed to be in the, I guess it's Holocaust 2000. I guess this is supposed to be the future. I don't know. Yeah, he's getting an MRI from the claw machine that all power plants. And this by the way is an MRI meant to diagnose his nightmares. All the 70s, when it was like, I am having nightmares.

Don't worry, you're just working too hard. Now go have a steak, a cigar, and flop your penis around the beach or something else. Well, it's not even, it's not even that it's to diagnose his nightmares exactly. They're just like, oh, everybody has this scan. even that it's to diagnose his nightmares exactly. They're just like oh everybody has this scan We do this to every employee in this company Death and you're just like why what are you talking about? They don't look at the results I just name one non-ugenics reason you would do that

Yeah, they's like oh, we've probably just been having too much scotch and they all fucking laugh because it's like, oh, it's the 70s or a fucking drunk all day. That's just a point of bulldoos. So, yeah, so he leaves and Angel, who was there through this whole thing, I guess he goes with his dad to medical procedures, which is weird. Angel and Doc wander off for a quick hip avialation walk and talk, right? Yeah. Doc wander off for a quick hip of violation walk and talk. Right? Yup.

He's like, so my dad's a little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, yeah, right? And he's like, oh, yeah, he's total, total, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, yeah, right? And he's like, oh, yeah, he's total, total, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, yeah, right?

And he's like, oh, yeah, he's total, total, total, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, yeah, right? And he's like, oh, yeah, he's total, total, total, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little trying to figure out the Jesus number together, right? And that and Doc is like, you know what? Maybe it's referencing a number on the medical files in the computer. And I'm like, that is so much more esoteric than it just trying to spell out Jesus backwards. Okay.

And angel, again, who is the antichrist? It's like, maybe it's the card of the devil himself. I'm just kidding. Don't look into that. You're seven fun. Don't though. So yes, but dot goes back to laser cerebral to check on that. We'll get back to him.

It'll be worth the wait. But first, we have to cut to a restaurant where Sarah has invited Kirk and Angel to dinner to tell them that she's pregnant. Okay, this, again, this is just the weirdest performance in the world, but everything Sarah has done up to this point. I was like, she's going to turn out to be a banshee or a demon or something. And this seems best supports that argument because she's like, all right, everyone, we're celebrating. I'm going to create some dramatic tension and phone call. He gets a phone call.

Yes. Uh, right. And he's, he's getting a phone call from Doc. Doc is at the computer thing. He's like, Hey, I checked that number from the last scene and you're not going to believe what I found. He's like, what did you find? He's like, yeah, I told you right now, that would just solve the whole fucking movie, wouldn't it? So I'm not going to. He's really fucking deliberately obtuse. He's like, he's like, you have generated something that's not human. It's like nobody in their right mind and the entire universe in any film would say that

you generated your choice. I'm sure right. He's like, I build nuclear power plants for a living. Of course, I've generated things that aren't human What did fucking you talking about? Like your nightmare is true. He's like you mean I am naked on a fucking salt flat with general side You mean one of my last movies. I made while I was alive. I included my penis bumping around like a fucking inflatable floating on to man

inflatable floating on to men. Oh no. But he's like, no, I have to warn you, the very specific information that you will need to have to survive is click the phone cuts out. Okay, but again, I just want to talk about this from the anti-Christ perspective, because Angel has phone clicking power. So we can assume Angel was overing their conversation and he was like, you know, he's

being vague and left. I'm going to let him go. I'm going to let him give him a little bit more rope and dramatic hang up. Excellent job. And then he goes back to the table and she's like, I'm pregnant. And he's like, great. Let's all celebrate with alcohol. Oh, that drinkin.

No drink. Hey, if you ever met younger listeners, if you ever met an adult, just keep in mind how much our parents drank while we were in their tum tum. This is not the last time we will see her drink, pregnantly. Drinks most. She's like nine months pregnant at the end. She's still, yeah. By the end of the movie, she's like shooting heroin and she's like nine months pregnant at the end. She's still, yeah, by the end of the movie, she's like shooting heroin and she's like, Oh, I just

hope the baby loves his bottle. But of course, this is the point where Kirk starts to think, Oh, wait a minute. Could she be pregnant with the antichrist? So all right. So now we have this is by far the best scene in the movie. If you ask, well, the floppy penis in his, but this is the next best after the floppy penis. So we cut back to laser cerebral doc is working very hard at night. That night he's powering the computer down with a very the right is over now kind of sound effect. Right? That's how computers shut down. Yeah. But then the computer starts fucking with it. And it's like we're watching the writer try to figure out how a computer could kill this

guy. Right? Right. The air conditioning goes on for a second. And I'm like, is the air conditioning sucking out the air from the room? Why would they build that in as a feature? Yeah, I think that first the air conturned off. And I was like, oh my god, he's gonna mildly overheat today. Yes. And it's like, no, it's just a weird fake out

and then the air conditioning comes back on again. And you're like, okay, what's it doing? And when the fucking air conditioner comes on, it comes on so strong that Papers get sucked into the vents. How do they think any of these shit works? And it like sucks out the warm air is what happened you fuck anyway, so yeah But then the and the automatic doors won't work and then the computers like there's really nothing I can do with the heat and the air conditioner I guess I'll just put that back to normal and open the door for him and he goes to walk out

But then it closes to our partially trips him and then closes on his back to To death We watch the actor be like that am I supposed to be dead right now? Oh? Is it gonna cut me in half and post or that slight pain of glass landing on my Tushii. It's so gentle. He's like really gently squished to death, and the door looks so thin. It's like Perseverks is just gently resting on his back,

and then he's like, oh! Oh! Damn. They might as well just lay one of those things they use to separate your groceries from the next person's first reason. I'm bad.

And in case you thought this was just some regular computer accident, the screen, the light bright screen flashes backwards Jesus again. You know, so you know who was at fault here. It's like a colon con. Yeah, I signed in this fucking worker. fault here. It's like a coloncon. Yeah, I signed in this fucking worker. So here. All right, well, I'll tell you what, there aren't many high points to this movie. So we're going to take this chance for a break while we've got it.

But first, let me give Ack three of the hard sell. Will the nuclear power plant turn out to be the dragon of revelation? What the fuck could that possibly mean? Why would a god be cryptic about something as important as the end of the God damn world? Find out the answers to different questions and more when we return for the technicolor conclusion of the chosen. Seriously, you guys do not have to make me dinner. Oh, of course we do, especially after Eli tried to hit you with his car. Which again, I apologize for. I was feeling threatened because your jokes were funny.

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that arrives within a week so you get convenience without skimping on quality. Skip the trip to the grocery store, save the weight in line and ensure that you don't waste money on excess food. Or you know, whatever you have instead of a grocery store. We have grocery stores in England. You've been there several times, haven't you? No, I mean, not to the grocery store parts we have. No, we haven't been to there.

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Disappointing. Yeah, Hello Fresh, that is a box to try and the meals were delicious and took literally seconds to unpack. Just go to HelloFresh.com slash awful 16 and use code awful 16 from to 16 free meals and three free gifts. All right. Or as you might say it, go to hellofresh.com slash awful 16 and use code awful 16 for up to 16 free meals and free free gifts. Right.

Well, I appreciate the thought at least. Cool. Now, would you say that we're close enough at this point for prank websites? No. Right. Yeah. Now, would you say that we're close enough at this point for prank websites? No. Right. Yep. No, me too. What's a prank website? Us four points, isn't it? Wow, damn it.

Dr. Drucker, thanks so much for coming in. No problem. So, what we're about to tell you may seem impossible but we believe that the supercomputer has gained sentience. Really? Yes, yes. We were running some sums this morning and it, well it said hello. Hello, hello computer. Hmm. Guys that that's .7734. It's just a number that looks like a word. It's not actually a word. Or is it reaching out for a friend?

We are friends, computer. Good friend, computer, we come in peace. No, guys, it's just numbers on a screen. Look, 5, 3, 1, 8, series, zero, eight, boobies. Do you think the computer has boobies now? My God, Drucker. Exactly. You apologize to the centine computer

for your sexual harassment right now. So not cool, not cool. And we're back for still more of this shit. And it's time for this movie to earn its place on Gam, I guess, because this is where Kirk goes back to that priest from Act 1 to sort of fill him in on all the Act 2 stuff. Okay. Why does he not have a full-size Bible?

Oh, yeah, he's, he had the priest's read that tiny little song, this book or whatever. Yeah, I think it's going to be like, they do those little books of songs. We got given those in school. I remember the little tiny ones. But I will say at this point, I noted that he probably has the best eyesight of anyone in the film though, because everybody else that is around his age has a moment where they've forgotten to put their glasses on, including Kurt Douglas, like several times. Yeah. So maybe that's the point. Maybe it's like, he reads tiny books because he's the only one that conceives them. Well, but the other thing too is because it's the little Psalms book that he has, but like, he has regular sized Bibles that have the book of Psalms. Is it showing off?

Yeah, right. Exactly. So they have a chat, but we're not privy to that check. We cut immediately to another conversation where Kirk is walking with Sarah. They're like, it was like a scene fake. They're just out walking together. She's, you know, being pregnant, he's being charming. It's the 1970s. He's like, do you want to see a doctor? And she's like, no, I'm not sick. And I was like, ah, the 70s.

We're being pregnant. Didn't mean you had to see a doctor as long as nothing was wrong. Jesus Christ. So yeah, and of course they're chatting about way too nonchalantly that weird ass death from the previous scene right before the interstitial. She's like, you know, did they ever figure out what happened to doc? And he's like, I don't even think the fucking writers knew to be honest. He was a butt slapped by a piece of perspective. You know the little thing that you used to separate your groceries from the person behind you. So and then he's like, hey let's walk

up to that charming little church and she's like, no I won't walk up to a church with you. And you're like, oh it's because she's Satan. Spoiler alert, it's because she doesn't want to walk up to that fucking church., it's because she's Satan. Spoiler alert, it's because she doesn't want to walk up to that fucking church. Yeah, it's because she's explicit about it too. She's like, I'm pregnant and I'm really tired and you're acting fucking crazy. So let's, let's not. I'm like, I'm with Sarah through our hundred percent

of this film. Even when I thought she might be Satan, I'm still with Sarah. I literally wrote my notes. Pregal wife has the same reaction to go in your church that I do. Yeah, you said you were an agnostic. We're not doing this. But apparently so she runs away. She just runs off gets in the car and drives off without him. And then the priest walks out from like, what, behind the fucking bushes where he's been the whole time, this priest will come from sillier and sillyier places. Yeah, he's always just hiding

behind something just out of sight. He's like Inspector Gadget's boss at a certain point. I thought in the third scene we saw him and he was gonna like pop out from utter his coat. That was just a golden. Yeah, he comes out.

He's like, yep, she's Satan and carrying the anti-Christ almost certainly is like, oh, it's a and carrying the antichrist almost certainly is like, oh, It's a dangerous piece of information to give me there. So Kruggett the priest go back to check the fucking devil baby literature he has on hand and he explains that the second son will be the antichrist Which is not in the Bible, but I super wish it was Christ, which is not in the Bible, but I super wish it was so that you could just be like, Hey, I'm Greg antichrist. Yes, my brother is the antichrist. I work at Jiffy Lou. So please, if you have something about him putting a mark on your forehead, do not come to me about

it. I only see him at Christmas. I also love it. He just recently told Angel that he had a little brother, right? That died as a baby. He definitely already had two sons. Yes. He's just completely forgotten or doesn't idea. Think that it matters? I don't understand how he's forgotten about one of his children. Right. I wrote in the nutmeg. I know something, oh, but Angel was the second son. The characters in the movie will not realize this until the end for some fucking reason. Mm-hmm. So, but Kirk is laughing at how silly the plot is, and the priest says, hey, wait a minute,

haven't you noticed that everybody who tries to stop you from building this nuclear power plant dies? And he's like, aren't you trying to stop me from making the nuclear power plant right now, dead man walking? I wonder what are you trying to understand why you and say that. And he's like, but you know you saw that Sarah

as evil, look how she reacted to the church. And I'm like, okay, well then now you're calling a me no illusions the antichrist. I don't like this. Oh, or you're calling me pregnant with the antichrist. I don't know. Can we talk about how quickly back and forth throughout this whole movie is or not just this scene, pain goes from, I don't really believe in this religious crap

to crazy religious conspiracy theorist. He's just like, he's like, that sounds kind of ridiculous. And he's like, but actually this photo is of the monster that's going to take over the world. And you're like, what do you believe? Right? Yeah, right? This is silly enough to laugh at, but also serious enough to kill my unborn fucking child. Oh The only evidence he has that his wife is carrying the antichrist is that she didn't want to walk up a hill And we are two scenes away from him trying to scoop out his kid with an ice cream who scenes away from him trying to scoop out his kid with an ice cream. Oh God.

So yeah, so yeah, that night, Sarah's puking because some movie and she's pregnant, right? And it's the 70s. So she's like, I'm sorry for my morning sickness. And he's like, I forgive you. Yeah. Brought it to the provider. Don't let it happen again. Brute.

Yeah, but Kirk is like so abortion, huh? It's pretty nifty stuff. We're much more progressive time now. Huh, you and my. How about one of them, uh, abortions I've heard so much about, you know, they take a brand new Hoover Maddick and stick it up there and think bang boom. He's so fucking creepy about it.

And like Sarah is talking to freak out. And I'm just like, this is the point's so fucking creepy about it. And like Sarah is starting to freak out. And I'm just like, this is the point where you fucking run. Yes. Like he's like, maybe we should get rid of the baby. And then he's like, fucking all over her. And then he's like, she's like, okay, well, I, you know, me and the baby will just go then. It's okay. If you don't want to be with me, he's like, damn me. I'm just like holding her like a little child. It's so weird. I didn't realize you were going to be so emotional about me trying to kill your unborn baby. Fine, we'll have a kid. Jesus.

Women. And also, but either Kirk Douglas is a terrible fucking actor or he was all the way dialing this one in, right? This that his like, oh no, but don't leave. That was the most half-hearted bullshit perfunctory. Oh, but please don't though that I have ever fucking seen in film. Yeah, if you've ever been broken up by someone who you're planning on breaking up with,

that performance is giving. What do you want to see other people? Oh, crazy. And so, okay. So the next day at work, Kirk is yelling at his lackeys and angrily rattling papers, but in a bad way, not a good way like when Angel did it, right? Yeah.

He's basically, he's yelling at him that they need to build the nuclear power plant in the least apocalyptic way possible. Right. Okay, is there a way we can just make everything backwards so that it's extra Jesus see this power. And the board members, he runs away and the board members turn to Angel and they're like, Hey man, is your dad fucking nuts now? And he's like, Hey, it does kind of seem fucking nuts now. Right. Once again, we're all in agreement with the bad

guys in the movie. They're like, Okay, so the guy who's in charge of the again, let's emphasize this nuclear power plant is afraid that it's going to be a accidental seven headed demon from a fucking Bronze Age prophecy. Let's not let him be in charge anymore. And we the audience are supposed to go like, oh no, you know the one guy who saw Oh, you know, the one guy who saw it. To be fair, to be fair to those guys, it's like his emotional change is that now he's ranting that he wants the nuclear plant to be safe. And that's what he's like. That's what he's like. It's gonna be safe.

And they're just like, this, this project is too dangerous. Crazy mother. I'm gonna work it right. Yeah. Good point. And then so, okay, then we cut to Kirk driving Sarah to her OBGYN. My favorite scene in the movie. My least favorite. This scene gave me anxiety. I hate it all the way through the screen. This is some terrifying shit. So like I wrote as a joke in my notes when this scene started. Man,

she has the look of someone half expecting a surprise abortion clinic. When she should have more than half. Yes, exactly. My naive ass thought that couldn't possibly be the scene we were about to watch. And they're just, they can't stop doing ominous stuff like she pulls up at the door and it's one dead baby lane He might as well have as she's walking down the hall He might as well you know people have like deers heads on like a Fetus heads on little Know about this place I was like, no, no, no about this place. So, so he sends her in the room and then the pop up priest just pokes his head out of

one random door he says it's for the bastards like, where the fuck did you come from? I was waiting inside this abortion clinic. Hello. Why? She gives him this look like my pug does when I take her and they put her in the back at the bathroom. It's just like, how dare you. Also, I just, we have to emphasize because this is gotta be a God awful movie.

First, we're watching a scene where a priest is trying to use an abortion to thwart the plan that God laid down. This is interesting, right? Mm-hmm. But yeah, so she realizes that the last second that they're going to try to like trick her into getting an abortion They're gonna drug her its data or whatever and abort her fetus She's looking at all this scary not at all realistic abortion tools. It's just like the baby crush her

Five thousand Ten different sizes of knife and oh my god There is a thank you know what there is different sizes of knife and all my car. Yes, including a machete. Yeah. Thank you. No, there is a literally a butchers cleaver. Yes.

And one of the things is a butchers cleaver. And look, I know the 1970s wasn't exactly the pinnacle of men. Yes. But she fights back. She grabs interestingly enough, not the cleaver, just a tiny little scalpel. And she holds him at bay. Kirk tries to grab her. She cuts the fuck out of

them. All my notes are just go Sarah, go Sarah, go Sarah. Yeah, all of our notes are identical. Mine are karate. Go Sarah. Get them. Fuck it, Sarah. Karate. Oh God. But she gets out the door and goes full fucking batman, right? Cause Kirk pops out like two seconds later. She's gone. Yeah. And this is not the first time. Again, they do this through the whole movie. They're like, oh, it's like she has mysterious bad. No, I'm just kidding. She was just fast for a pregnant lady is all I think Sarah is just a magician. That would make sense. She like she's able to disappear and appear in the fog and you think it's like something sinister

But it's like nah she's just when you're trying to run away from your crazy boyfriend and like a OBGYN trying to rip out your Unborn baby you move fucking fast like yeah, that's true. She's probably more motivated get out the country change a name Yeah, so so all right, so we cut to Kirchys back home and he's brooding over out the country, change a name. Good God. Yeah, so, all right. So we cut to Kirk, he's back home and he's brooding over the Jesus number with, with angels some more, right? The, what could it possibly mean? The two to the square root of 231. And angels like, so hey, where's Sarah?

He's like, yeah, that's a great question, right? Like, where is anybody really? When you think about it moving out. It's, so Kirk takes his notebook to laser cerebral. question, right? Like, where is anybody really when you think about it moving out? So Kirk takes his notebook to laser cerebral again, right? Yeah. And he has the, what if it's the number for a medical file idea that Doc had right before he died? I would love to hear how their medical system works that any of the cards are 30.276043. our 30 point to seven, six, zero, four, three. Well, and also that like they have a system set up where all you have to do

is punch in a fucking random eight digit number and someone's complete medical records pop out of the printer for you. Yeah. I would like a password protection system in here somewhere. This is before, HEPA, when you would just be like, what the fuck's the wrong with? Yeah. Well, and also man, holy shit, what a fast printer, right? To this day, they don't go last damn. It's a dot matrix printer. He types in the number

and immediately all the records pop right out. Okay. Crazy billionaire remake, this movie shot for shot, except it's just a regular dot matrix printers. And he's like, It's just a regular dot matrix printers. And he's like, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, that thing that separates the groceries before I get a chance to tell him? So he put this into the computer. Now, keep in mind that this was before he called him. I didn't even register. He called them on the phone after he did this. But whatever.

Anyway, he puts into the computer. He says, Hey, man, your son son Angel has no heartbeat or brain waves. He's not human Yeah, I wrote my notes. He has no heartbeat or brain waves. He must be a Republican I just like did they did they not pick up on that when he was born when he was like on it Somebody's got a notice that he's not gonna fucking heartbeat. This is the thing, nobody went to the doctor in the 70s. That could be used as a revelation in a movie. Yeah, why would you ever check someone's heartbeat? What are you married?

They made a point of everybody in this company does this full body medical scan and it's like It reported that this guy's technically dead and just nobody noticed nobody's reading the reports There's no fucking point to any of it other than Brut to print out later. Oh, yeah, by the way your sons are not human Well, right and keep in mind that the guy who runs that machine is dark Yeah, right? It's the guy that is leaving him. There's no, there was surprised by this information. Wait, because you would think that if you do a medical scan on somebody and find literally no evidence

that they live in exist in the world, you'd be like, oh, the machine's fucking broke. We need a new claw machine, but not this way. Yeah. So anyway, so Angel goes back home now that his dad knows this information about Angel goes back home Sarah apparently is staying with him at the moment. I yelled. Oh my God.

I saw Sarah and I was like, no, what are you doing? Get the fuck out. What she's doing though is drinking alcohol. He's like, can I fix you a drink and she's like, you sure the fuck can't. It's a wonder that any of us was born with an even number of digits back then. Jesus. And again, this scene makes sense if she is carrying the devil baby and angel is in on it, but she is not. So the antichrist is just like, yeah, I'm sorry.

Kirk Douglas was an asshole. No one should go through a forced abortion. I'm the, Kirk Douglas was an asshole. No one should go through a forced abortion. I'm the anti-corrected. Yeah, so what we zoom in on his eyes and play ominous music. So we know he has a terrible plan in mind, although we will never know what the fuck it is. But yeah. So now, so Kirk goes back, now he's explaining to the priest that angel was actually the second son and like we really should have thought about this before He had all the viewers picked up on it. So why the fuck didn't he mention that earlier? Yeah, just why this is also where he reveals the dramatic death It's that the older brother was strangled by his umbilical cord at birth and I wrote wrote my notes, sorry, at birth, that feels more like a doctor problem than April. Now, I'm going to wrap this cord around the other baby

for a second. Give me. Well, also like it sounds like it's not dramatic, unless like, unless you imagine the little one baby tugging on his embellical cord and like pushing a foot against the other baby or something. I just hit man. There's another great man reference. So it's what then he dresses up as the other baby and then he comes. Absolutely. Pides him in a little closet or something. No one will ever look in.

Oh. Yeah. So, but Kirk is going to confront Angel about being the inhuman anti-Christ dammit, but before he does, he turns to the priest and he says, this envelope will solve the movie. I entrusted to you, priest that I met on a plane that was ranting about the end of the world a couple of weeks ago. It's a backsees nuclear power plant. Yes.

Yes. The only thing less realistic than Kirk Douglas's ability to call back to his on this nuclear power plant is this random priest handing in a letter to unclear. I have a note. I brought a note. So Kirk goes to the office and dammit if angel isn't sitting at his desk having already taken over the company. Oh. And this is a great opportunity for another five minute,

just steroth. Oh my God. Between the two men, just staring. Yep. Slowly, slowly walking closer. Yeah. So, Kirk says to angel, he's like, hey man, what are you doing sitting at my desk?

He's like, well, I'm in charge of the company now that you've had a nervous breakdown. He says, I didn't have a nervous breakdown. I'm like, dude, we just all watched you try to force a board of fetus because you were pretty sure it was the anti-Christ. Okay. Yeah. Your wife had to fight you off with a scalpel and he's like, ah, it's the 1970s.

I'm fine. God. And he's like, you realize what by doing what you're trying to do, you could blow up the earth. And he's like, yeah, you know by doing what you're trying to do, you could blow up the earth. And he's like, yeah, you know what, the earth had it coming. Walk it off. I wrote my notes because he says better to run towards a great Holocaust than I wrote. Oh, that's Boris Johnson's latest COVID guidance. And then we get this amazing leaping, yelling, strangle attempt. Like, imagine if choking was a projectile. If you have no heartbeat or brain activity,

I feel like strangly sprung up a big deal for you. Oh no, I won't have any heartbeat or brain activity, Dad. Think it through. He's got the worst short term memory in the world. That's going to be what it is. Yeah, right. He's the momentum guy. That's the reveal. But it's like, it's another like really gently choreographed fight scene. I don't know if it's just they're trying to be like go easy on Kirk Beggars, but they're just like holding each other's faces and just squishing them rather than like fighting.

Yes, and rolling back and forth. Because this man who is under the age of 90 is having to pretend to be choked to death by Kirk's unpleasant. My toddler occasionally tackles me and wrestles me and I do a better acting job than Angel does here being like, oh, I sure am getting attacked by your frail, liver spotted fingers. Let me tell you. And then we have where to the weirdest, like I need to know the backstory on this moment to the entire movie, right?

Because this is when several board members break in, find him, like rolling around on the ground, trying to strangle angel. And one of them has a syringe full of like three second knockout juice just on him, right? Like in case he needs that. Why the fuck would some old guy at a nuclear power plant company have that? Yes, great question. But yes, but they knock him out with their drugs and then an ambulance drives him away. But it's a silly British ambulance.

So there's a silly siren. Ah, the 70s when an ambulance was just a Ford Fiesta with the back seat taken out. And it was either like right outside the entire time or the priest was chilling in the car for like an hour. Right. Because he's still just there sat in the car that they were in earlier. Oh my God, you're right. He is like a dog that's been left there on a hot day.

You can't get out or something. Yes. That's scratching at the window. So yeah. So he watches on and horror as they take a curco way in the ambulance. Then we cut to Sarah. She's at the clinic having the baby with about as much difficulty as my average bowel movement. Right. This was a speed birth, right? This was like the speed run version of birthing a child, right? Yeah. She's just like, ooh, and then a baby exists.

Like a five month old baby is just that. The doctor leans down and he's like, Madam, if you would like your one scream, you're allowed to do it now. And then she has a baby. Yeah. So she has her baby. And then we cut over to Kirk who is being wheeled into one of those all window asylums from before that

Franz Joseph was that crazy people fish tank now it's the same one right it's the exact same. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Cube that he was in earlier. That's right. Yeah. So and then we cut to the priest. Now the priest has the envelope that will solve the home movie, but he has to get it to Geneva. So he just wears. God, another hitman moment, right? He just wears Kirk Douglas's hat and coat and gets out of his plane and everybody's like, oh, Kirk Douglas, well, why would you, you look like a completely different person today? It's a proper like Superman Clark kind of situation. He's just like holding this coat show with his little hat on.

He's like, yeah, that's me, Mr. Kane. Oh, white people look to say, my guess, yeah. Yeah. But so they go to take off and we have this amazing slow motion plane crash, right? Because they're going down the runway. Plane won't take off. And the co-pilot's like, hey, man, take off. And the pilot's like, oh, I wish I'd thought of that.

You fucking asshole shut up. I'm trying. And it won't work. He's like, you take off. He's like, my controls won't work either. He's like, well, I sure hope they didn't put a goddamn wall at the end of this. Right? Yeah.

They're narrating the crash as they go. It's like, Blaine, go up. Blaine up. And they don't radio anybody, they're just like, they're just like, oh fuck, what are we, oh shit. This is never, we have train for this. So it's the 1970s. And in the back, you've just got the priest in the back. He's just like, they're just like, oh fuck, what are we, oh shit, this is never, we haven't trained for this. That's the 1970s.

And in the back, you've just got the priest in the back, he's just like listening and he's just like, got this face of just, oh, fuck, I guess it's cross out. He's like, oh, this is it. I just ordered the chicken. And he's like, you know, look, I don't want to tell you guys how to do your jobs, but maybe we turn right or left away.

Breaks maybe? She has a break now. But yes, they explode, finally get a goddamn explosion. And then Kirk wakes up in a straight jacket in the Insana Silom and damn it if Fran's Joseph isn't there. Now the last time we saw this guy, he committed suicide. So I was assuming this was a dream sequence. It's not. No, the movie forgot. Okay. Friends gag. So apparently he has run the asylum now. Friends

gag. Some straps him to this bed and and wheels him off into a padded room. I'd like to throw out there. He doesn't gag him. He puts a hankerchief in his mouth, but I guess they didn't invent spinning out things till 1982. So he is in fact gay. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's effectively gay to him. Yes.

It's so bizarre. They like, he like travels through half the facility. He spends like one second being like, oh, there's some dudes out there. And you know, it's glass. So if he can see them, pretty sure they should be able to see him. Right. But just, no, he's just, it's just really easy to break in and out of this like mental facility, I guess.

And he's just like, yeah, no, whatever. out of this like mental facility, I guess and he's just like Yeah, no, whatever. I'll steal this patient. Nobody nobody cares I mean yeah 1978 asylum. Yeah, probably though, but yeah Lou Lou Lou just wheeled on the guy through Hospital It's who takes him to this padded room and there's a bunch of guys there waiting in the padded room to So I don't want to say attack him because they kind of just like throw him up and down like the drunken half of a bar mitzvah.

Okay. For a while. Okay. The only possible explanation for this scene is that they surprised these extras with it. Is that they rolled them in and they were like, and then off camera, they were like, kill Kirk Douglas. I want you all to really, literally kill Kirk Douglas right now. At one point, they raspberry his tummy.

Yeah, this. I wrote my notes. It's like, it, this is, he's, it looks unpleasant. They snap him with towels, like a middle school locker room. At one point, somebody scratches him out of the face and I'm like, okay, well, now they've gone too far, but that's like what I rough play with my cats too much or something level of consequences, right? And they're giggling. They're giggling the entire time like little school girls. They're like, yes, giggling crazily. Yeah. But then Kirk Douglas

grabs a two by four. Why the fuck is there a two by four in this padded god damn room? Great question. Just no answer. It was two by four day at the mental hospital. So he started spiting them off, wagging them with his board. And it's just like, you could see all of the crazy people going like, dude, we were giving you raspberries and shit. You're hitting people with boards. This is a very graphically smushes the guy's head. They're like, oh, we're going to make you crowdsurf over us. And then he just like fucking splatts a guy's head like you embarrassed the kingpin in front

of his girlfriend. And then walks out. They're just like, is it a smushance? Then yeah. What they apparently he's just, maybe that's why we saw the dramatic him walking out seen from before. So we know that he knows the way. I don't know, but he just leaves. Or just how easy it is to go in and out with no consequence.

I guess, yeah. This is, we're still supposed to be rooting for this guy. And he's like, he's beat a guy to death. He's tried to force his girlfriend into an abortion. Like, he's an absolute psycho crazy dude. Right, he even gave up on the nuclear power plant that we were all behind, yeah. Yeah. Fucking asshole. So now we nuclear power plant that we were all behind. Yeah. Yeah.

Bucking ass. So now we cut back to the clinic where Sarah is now. Apparently, I guess this is part of the Antichrist's plan is to kill off her kid by having someone poison all the babies at that hospital. Okay. And like, look, I get it that this is Antichrist magic, but this is partly on the 1970s for having the baby killing poison right next to the baby vitamin. Thank you. In identical bottles. And identical bottles.

It totally was. This is why we have the term, it's my friends because the 70s didn't want to be like, yeah, I think we find a fucking sucked. We'll just call it sudden infant death syndrome. So, but now, but Sarah shows up. Right before they can poison her baby to death. She shows up and she's like, you know what, I want to hold him while you give

all these other babies bottles. And the nurse is like, why the fuck would you want to do that? I mean, the 70s. Yeah, because my magic mom sense is tingling. Every time something absolutely fucking awful is about to happen, I get this 70s. Yeah, because my magic mom sense is tingling. Every time something absolutely fucking awful is about to happen, I get this weird feeling. This is why I totally thought of this point

by the way that she was gonna give birth to Jesus. Oh, there you go. Oh, but this baby was Jesus just because, like, how does she know? She always knows and manages to save the baby. Well, yeah, but I feel like, okay, so if there's already been an attempt, like this is like, this is like Sarah Connor

having her kid, right? Like she shows up and she's like, you know, they've been trying to kill this kid since way before it was born. I feel like I am gonna hold on to him for now. So that makes sense to me, I get it. Well, yeah, until Jane shows up and then she's like, oh, hey, you can hold the baby.

Right. That you tried to kill earlier. Yeah, don't worry, it can't be the antichrist. It's a girl and he's like, wow, they're a value list. That's fine, oh, hey, you can hold the baby. Right. That you tried to kill, Alia. Yeah, don't worry. It can't be the antichrist. It's a girl. And he's like, wow, they're a valueless. That's fine. Then I guess he staggers over to her covered in blood with the sleeves off the shirt.

And he's like, I'm sorry about trying to kill the baby. Can I hold it? And she's like, yeah, sure. No, I just can't stay mad at you. You lug. Yeah. He looks like he just turned into a fucking werewolf and she's like And everyone else in the hospital is just like, oh, you know, he's a little dad

He's showing up all beat up like he just turned back from a werewolf But then all okay, so I this isn't funny, but the way they do it is fucking funny Okay, so this isn't funny, but the way they do it is fucking funny. Very fucking funny. All the babies in the maternity ward die because they all have just been poisoned. But the way we learn this is that we hear someone in the back row, oh my God, all the babies in the maternity ward have died because they all got poisoned. Right. And then they really hit this home with footage of very obviously sleeping toddlers.

He's with their phasor. There's no way to kill the grovy toss of your all the babies are dead seen. Then a toddler like with the ass up in the air and their head, breast against the edge of the crib. And Kirk goes, we better get out of here. Like why, dude, were you involved in this, like running from the scene where a bunch of babies just died, does not make you look good? Don't worry, it's the 1970s. We're just allowed to leave the hospital over the fuck the run. But before they can leave, though, Kirk passes out.

He passes out and she's like, Dr. Dr. and they're like, Lady, we're a little busy with all the dead babies. And she's like, right? No, that's fair. I mean, they're dead. What are you gonna do? But yeah, okay, fine. So, oh God.

And then we cut to Angelie. He's got his board meeting going, which the soundtrack would like to assure us is very climactic. Okay. This is where he announces that he's gonna enhance this council from 12 people to 21

I Wanted so badly for someone to be like I'm sorry why Because it's the reverse of 12 the opposite Jesus thing the the opposite of 12 be negative 12 shut up shut up Do you know who you're firing hiring no? I'll figure it out Shut up. Do you know who you're hiring? No, I'll figure it out. There's just like this 20 of them. And they're just like, oh, I'm sorry,

Dan was down with sick today. And like, fuck, just bring in a receptionist with something, it's gonna be 21. That guy walking by outside, hey, sir, do you wanna be on a board of a nuclear power plant? Stupid. And he also announces, because that's not so enough, he owes, and it will be revealed

on my 33rd birthday. Yes. Hi, Annie Christ. Jesus was not killed on his 33rd birthday. He was 33, but he wasn't his fucking birthday. No, that's Christmas. Then Christmas and Easter would be the same fucking day. That fucking Christmas. That Christmas in Easter would be the same fucking day. That fucking all.

I'm just making sure that Chris the fiction he's being whipped by a Roman soldier. By the way, today is my birthday. Oh, happy birthday. We can sing. We can sing. Hold on. Let me get the guy. One, two.

And as you know, back, I saw that. I always do a whole thing. Now you got to wear this. That's why they put the crown. Or it's worth it. It was a work day. We got you a spear on the side. All right, so that's over.

Now this is where our versions might diverge, right? Because there is an alternate ending to this apparently. It looks like we all got the same ending, but there is an alternate ending. But this is where we cut the Kirk. Now he lives in a desert cave with canvas walls now. Yep. He's like in a big tent with a chalkboard. Yes, very confusing. Yes, a chalkboard where he's trying to work out that mysterious Jesus myth. Like you already figured out

this is medical file. You already figured out that clue. You're fucking idiot. So, and then, oh my God, the scariest part of this movie. Right? The part where she hands Kirk Douglas that baby, that real live human baby. Oh, and he is not supporting the neck, my guy. Not remotely, his hand sort of hovers near the head

for one second and you're like, yes, support the head, support the head. He's like, no, no, no baby. It's falling around like my fucking penis from that other scene earlier. Jesus. I will say the tension of this final like close up is undercut by the baby very obviously trying to latch on Kirk Douglas's nose. Yeah, but then he fucking flashes back to all the people who are chanting, what do we want to children to be when they grow up alive? They're like, oh my god, they end on that. And we fade out. That's it. That's they go into their cave house now. And we fade away. Yeah, they're just going to that, they're just going to let the world end.

Apparently, whatever, you know, what can we do? What can we do? Yeah, you know, we got our kids, so, you know, so okay, so that's the thing. What was the moral of the story? Like, I know it was kind of like anti-nuclear innocence, but was there a moral that we can pull from this? Michael is not the worst aging Douglas. Okay, all right, that's fair.

All right, well, I'll say what, Emma, thank you so much for hanging out with us, Dan We'll ask an awful lot of our guest mess. If our listeners wanted to hear more from you, where should they go? You can just stick my name Emma Thorn into YouTube and you can find me there and and click on all my things and see more awesome awesome awesome or check the show Noz for the episode obviously we'll have everything linked there. And well, that does it for our review of the chosen that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to recommit to this program. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, no, we'll be doing one of the most requested God awful movies ever. Really? The plague of what I am assured is many, many church lockings. We'll be

watching the rock opera written by a member of the newsboys, exclamation point hero. Oh, fuck me. Okay. All right, so with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring up episode 343 to our merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to all of Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to get something out there,

you can make a prep, so donation to Patreon.com slash God off and they're probably going to access to an ad free version of our web. So you can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and sharing the show in all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scaling a, the ascitation data, D&D minus and the scapercrack available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or sentiment suggestions, you can email God off from movies

and Gmail by comment, legal services for this podcast, or provide it by the law, if this is a P and root towards Tim Robertson takes care of our social media, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotkin, Camille Drafts on Mars, all of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark andon Kirkman, which was used when permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for you. Eat then right in the new lab buzzing, and I'm an illusion. It's promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes.

Freeze frame on the little baby, and I want the baby to look at the camera. And just give a little wink, and it's got a little crucifix for a thorny crown. And it's like, it's like, don't worry, boss. It's all part of the plan. It's got a little crucifix for a fawny crown. It's like, it's like, don't worry, boss. It's all part of the plan. Ha ha ha ha! Sarah had Kirk castrated at a fake prostate exam as revenge.

Ha ha ha! Kirk gave a whole new meaning to falling down. Ha ha ha! I'm gonna go to the club. And well, sorry, I shouldn't say welcome to the club because you're a woman on the internet. Right. So the email is always scary. I'm sure.

Yes. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on the Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2022. I'll write a reserved.