God Awful Movies - 347: Redemption Way

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

This week, Cara Santa Maria joins us for an atheist review of Redemption Way, the story of a Christian woman being horribly inconvenienced by the impending death of her irreligious friend. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Check out more from Cara on the Talk Nerdy podcast Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Although she clearly isn't an atheist either because she says these words, because this is how Christian movies always paint out atheists. They're like, almost Christian, because she goes, whatever's next just got to be better than this. Sorry, that's not atheist. Atheists don't believe there's anything next by definition. Although nothing could be better than, you you know dying of leukemia. Yeah There's a really dark

Interpretation of that I look forward to the void for her song is like mixture in bed. I gave her that line Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be How's it going buddy? Fantastic. Keep fan, testing. Really? Okay. We're going to mess that right up. We also have, not, I'm about to introduce Cara. That's not what I meant by that. The movie will mess this up. Wow. Do you guys want to work that out at the beginning of the podcast? It's a positive.

I do. The next thing is positive and then the movie is negative. We also have, you already heard her professional science communicator soon to be doctor of doctor stuff of some sort. I'm pretty sure and most importantly, begrudging religious movie expert like serious expert Kara Santa Maria is here. Kara, welcome back. Yeah.

Okay, be grudging. That's what I'm talking about. You are an expert though, whether you like it or not, You know so much about this now. It's right. You're getting close to third place if you're not already there. So, Kara, why don't you just go ahead and tell us what are we going to be breaking down today? So we watched redemption way. It is the story of a Supreme Narcissist who learns how to love herself more than she already did because her atheist friend totally bummed her out by dying of leukemia. That's the movie. Yeah.

And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if your ongoing quest to drive Cara Santa Maria insane has brought you to the Christian version of her literal medical practice over the last couple of years. You will love this. I'm just going to say it. If this doesn't break Cara, next time we have her on, it's just going to be her dad's politics on a voicemail for an hour and twenty minutes. Oh, Eli, I love how you refuse to admit that I'm not training to be a doctor.

Is it not doctor? She's a doctor. It's a doctor of some kind, right? Medical. It is a doctor of some kind. If you're not a doctor, why did I send you all those photos of my rashes? Doesn't even make sense. Exactly.

It does. So let's just have it be canon that it's doctor. And is there anything y'all would like to nominate this movie for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I nominate it for being a best worst protagonist because yeah, okay, that's an excellent thing. Yeah, the hero of this movie is a literal garbage person. We all agree on that, right? Yeah. Okay. A garbage person in like one of the most important roles a human being can have for another human being. Like until we watch the Christian

movie about a pediatrician who like accidentally drops babies off the edge of the pediatric hospital, this is going to be our best. And we've accidentally, that would still, this would still be the, like, that's an accident, right? Give right, exactly, purposeful, because of their religion, right? So because the baby's an ammonite or something. God. We've watched multiple movies about rapists and this is definitely our best works protagonist.

We've had Kevin Sorbo as a protagonist. David A.R. White, yes, that is correct. So I was going to go with best worst racism scene for absolutely no reason. So there's no good reason for this. Okay, so intense. There is one person of color in this entire movie. One. There's one. One. She plays one of the nurses at this hospice that we're going to start talking about in a second. The main character is another nurse at this hospice and they're both up for a promotion. The white one ends up with drunk.

She quits the job so she's no longer up for the promotion. So this one person of color goes into the boss's office and is like, oh, okay. So the other person, don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. It's so good. Is this, it don't, this is important to the plot. So important to me that you don't spoil this. It is.

Oh, come on. There's not a real plot to this movie. Everything's the plot to the movie. If there is a plot to this movie, it is resolved in this scene. And I have never been happier. Okay. I won't tell you exactly, exactly how the racism plays out, but that person of color goes into the office of the boss and is like, Hey, so is that going to work out for me?

And no, it will not. Then they'll explain why. And why would you do this? Also to be fair, they, they make her like the dumping ground for everything. Like, yes, they make her like nosy and loud and obnoxious and like nobody likes her and like why? She's actually a perfectly fine, hard working, nice woman. Yes. And objectively ethical according to the tiny little plot that they do have, she's the

only person who's like, no, that's like illegal, like medically unethical for you to do this. You have to stop. That's her, that's her entire role in the movie. And that makes her the villain of the film. Yes, of course, of course. And of course, I am going to go with best worst MacGuffin. So he thought, obviously, just spoiled the greatest part of the. But perhaps, yeah, the second now the plot will be exciting. Yeah, you're probably going to skip this episode. You'll watch the iTunes thing where it tells us when people stop listening, it just stopped. But for those rare few of you that stay at the rest of the podcast, the air will be a McGuffin teased throughout this movie.

And when I say that it is nonchalantly thrust into a literal coffin at the end of the film, I am not kidding you. What's a MacGuffin? That's like the object that everyone searched for. Oh. Like a plot device that doesn't really have anything to do with the thing, but it moves the plot along. Oh. Like every Christian movie.

Exactly. Like the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, that, right? That's like the classic example of a MacGuffin. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, it's, honestly, there's like at the classic example of a mugguffin. Yeah. So yeah, honestly, there's like a couple of different stupid mugguffins, but obviously the one that literally goes into a casket, we'll get to it.

So we're going to take a quick break and then we'll be back to tell you all about, well, all the plot of redemption way that I haven't already completely spoiled with that tiny little piece I gave you. Yes. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick and I'm Heathen Wright. As you know by now, in the past, we were always happy to have Cara Santa Maria on our podcast. That is until last week when we learned an unfortunate truth that we feel compelled to share with you. Hey guys, what are you up to? Cara Santa Maria of TV and podcast fame has old guy headphones. No, no, I don't. She does.

She really does. She looks like she's arranging mixes on a print CD in 1997. It's not a good look. I thought these are the airport, they're fine. Please Cara, you've already cost enough harm. It's time to talk about Raycon wireless earbuds. That's right, wireless, as in not plugged into your Walkman with base boost like your background extra

from an 80s movie. Raycon wireless earbuds are the best way to bring audio with you because no matter how much you shake things up, literally no matter how much you shake, you know they won't fall out of your ears. Much like Kara's over the ear headphones, which is essentially like putting your head in a vice. You get used to it. You're embarrassing yourself.

Raycons offer eight hours of playtime and a 32 hour battery life. And they're priced just right. You get quality audio at half the price of other premium audio brands. Right now, God off a movie's listeners can get 15% off their Raycon order at buyraycon.com. Slashgam. That's buyraycon.com slashgam to say 50% on Raycons. Buyraycon.com slash Gam. That's by Raycon.com slash Gam to say 50% on Raycons by Raycon.com slash Gam. Don't shame yourself the way Cara Santa Maria has shamed herself. Can't even plug it into a phone. I have a dongle.

Cara Santa Maria. Hi, Christian movie writer, guys. What a... We are so glad you came in to help us work on this important move. Oh, you're so honored. Well, you know, you guys don't usually listen to me, but end of life and palliative care, they're really important to me, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Of course, of course. Yeah, and we want this movie to truly reflect how difficult

that the opting care really is. Pally it is. The dog guy. So I imagine the toughest part is not talking to someone about Jesus too much, right? I mean, I know I would like forget their pills because I was talking about Jesus. Oh, all the time because I would be talking about Jesus constantly. Yeah, the pills would just slip my mind. No, not even a little is that difficult? Oh, right, because if you give them the medication, there are a lot more open to Jesus. Oh, right, Cara. Totally makes sense. I'm just so glad we invited you in.

This is good insight. Look, Christian movie writers, I cannot express this to you strongly enough. End of life care, including hospice and palliative support, are some of the most important and meaningful interventions a person can receive. A lot of the people who work in these fields are religious, too, but you absolutely cannot make a movie

telling those people to prostralitize. It's genuinely the most dangerous, evil, and psychologically destructive time to do it. Okay, you get it? Okay, fine, fine, okay, yeah, got it. Really? Yeah, no, no, no, no, we'll put in a scene that you should only do it if you're really, really brave. Like a hero, like a hero of Christianity brave.

Hey, you guys. Like you're Jesus. Just like Jesus. I hate you so much. Hahaha. And we're back. And we're gonna start this one off with some kids using their Easy Bake oven.

So that was nice to see. And their mom is on the phone with the insurance company about some very problematic movie no ma type cancer. I'm sure. Yeah. And can I just throw out there? None of this scene will ever matter, right? Like they never call back to it. There's never a moment where it matters to the movie.

They don't talk about it or think about it. It's just like footage they had lying around. But now I'm realizing, does that mean that this little girl has had leukemia since she was young? Ooh. Oh, right. Mom's on the phone talking about like, Dr. reimbursements for cancer. Oh, yeah. Okay, I guess this is the beginning.

Right, and this is a platform to them as kids in the 80s. Yeah, I think this is, I think you're right. This, okay, this really ties the whole movie together now. Exactly. Yeah. This, this nothing scene where they also run out to the pool and try to drown themselves for no reason. What did that? Why, why would that part of it?

I don't know. I didn't understand that part. Me neither. Very confusing. And they do try to call back to that. We'll get to it. It doesn't make any sense, but they try. No, we won't.

We don't have to get to it. It's fun. They do is hang in the mist on a callback later. We'll get to it perhaps, or we'll swing and miss on it too, because it doesn't fucking matter. Okay. So it turns out that was all a callback later, we'll get to it perhaps or we'll swing and miss on it too, because it doesn't fucking matter. Okay. So it turns out that was all a flashback. Now we're in the present and we meet Jen, the main character and her boyfriend Todd, they're playing cards and they're not taking it seriously and I already hated the movie.

I was like, just take the card seriously. It's a card game. Play for real. I thought at this point that this was going to be a horror movie because like the white balance was really off and like the lighting was weird and the acting was really bad and he kind of seems like a murderer. Like I didn't have it looks like a murderer. So I was like, ooh, yay, we're doing a horror movie and then we're not at all.

No, no, no. I'm just saying we could create a coffee table book called Stuff They Have People in Christian Movies Do Instead of Fuck, and playing cards would be a good few chapters of it. And that would be kind of a horror book for me. Like everything about it is terrifying, especially I was triggered by the not taking the cards seriously. There's the whole like they do the airbud rules of cards like there's no rule that says specifically in Go Fish. You can't stare at somebody else's head. Of course there is. Of course there cards like there's no rule that says specifically in go fish.

You can't stare at somebody else's hand. Of course there is. Of course there is. That's a rule. What would go fish would be a vision test? That's not a game at that point. Idiots. Yeah, but there is no rule in poker, for example, about looking at somebody's hand if they

happen to flash it. That's part of the game. It's just take it seriously. Yeah, of course. Anyway, we learned that Jen is a nurse in a second. We're going to learn it's a nurse at a hospice, but she's wearing scrubs and she's like, all right, I got to go to work. And this is a Christian movie. So we know for a fact she's definitely not a doctor because she's a Christian lady and a Christian movie she's a nurse. That's what's happening.

Why did they give her scrubs that are like three sizes too big? They're very large. They look comfortable. So large and ill-fitting and black. And of course, her arch nemesis is wearing like really cute, fitted, not black scrubs. Like, is that intentional? I wonder. She steals all that, there's a scene they cut where she steals all the good scrubs.

They've come out of the machine. Typical atheist scrubs dealer. Yeah. So Jen drives to work and this takes 25 minutes of the movie. It's for a while. And then she pulls it, she walks into a building for another 25 minutes. It's so long.

Yeah, establishing shot is not the right word. Establishing shot for like an Alzheimer's patient is what this movie goes for. They definitely have a hard time like finding the balance between when to cut scenes short and when to leave them long. Like earlier when they're playing cards, they're like, we have seven cameras, check it out.

One, two, one, one, one, and go. And now they're like, ooh, we only have one camera today. So we're just going to follow her. Did you guys have a rabbit cam for go fish? What the use that for the other scenes? Yeah, it makes no sense. So yeah, she walks into a hospice office. This is where we learn she works at, you know, end of life care. That's her job. a hospice office. This is where we learn she works at, you know, end of life care. That's her job. Right. And they did not get the strongest actress for this first patient. Oh, this person's supposed to be dying and in pain. And they went with rolling around and hocking up a luki. Yeah, it's the acting choice. She also is in like full makeup and looks fabulous. Like, nothing about her. She's like clump. She has all this color in her

cheeks. She does, she looks very, very well. She had a drag green brunch to do right after this movie. She looks very not dying in the scene. Right. But Jen's going to establish herself as the villain right away when she explains to the friend or the mom or whoever that the patient's not in physical pain, she's in spiritual pain. Ugh, the worst. Yeah, she administers some kind of, you know, medicine that you might give to somebody at the end of their life to make them feel a little bit more comfortable.

But then she says, God, give me the strength to help calm her. And I was like, yeah, fuck you. I wanted to cut to God and God just being like, no, it's the morphine. I mean, like, I helped you invent the more, it's just used to morphine. I invented that too.

Yeah, she literally gives her out of hand. She's like, can I have some lorazapam, right? Some anxiolidics and gives her literally anti-anxiety medication. She puts it in her mouth and then she goes, God, give me the strength to heal her anxiety. Yeah, I would like to see her use the Jesus without the anti-anxiety medication. This is prayer. Take it serious.

And also part of her prayer is, and this is an exact quote, God, I know her discomfort is only temporary if she trusts in you. I wrote, what? That could outright threaten mother. I'm not gonna give you that. Okay. So from there, we cut to a church, of course,

where Christian people are really excited about the nurse of death gig that Jenny has and they're talking through about it. Yeah, they ask her about her job and she's like, I'm like a labor and delivery nurse and I wrote my notes. Yeah, except for instead of life, it's the screaming empty void of death.

Yeah, she said that. She's like, yeah, I deliver people, but into death, you know, so almost the same. So stupid. And then she gets a call from her mom and everybody in Christian movies doesn't know how to do the phone call acting thing. Oh my God, the acting in this movie is so bad, you guys.

Yeah, so bad you guys. Yeah. So it's so bad. The call is that dad died. And on our side of the call, we hear like, what is dad okay? No, no, no. Which means that the other person was like, that means not okay. No, I just said dad died because you said what? As if I just said this conversation doesn't, it's crazy what you're saying. So dad's dead is what happened. Yeah, even if the other side of the conversation was high-honey, it's about dad. Is dad okay? Is the dumbest possible?

Oh, yeah, no. He's fine. This is your weekly check-in that your father's doing great. You know how I'm always like, it's about dad. And then I'm like, no, he's having a really good time with the crossword. He's really did really well in the crossword. No, it's never that idiot, dad's dead.

Got a two on world today. I did get a two on world today. Anyway, so from there we cut two Jen, she goes to her parents house and her dad is dead. This is the wake. This is the weirdest scene. Yeah. This is like, so they're at, and clearly,

are they at, her parents house or her mom's house because it seems like mom and dad didn't get along. So were they married? Yeah, they're divorced. So this is mom's house. Oh, are they divorced? Yeah, pretty sure they're divorced. Okay, mom's house.

And they're scurrying around, they never actually give you the story. They just talk about how dad's probably not resting in peace, dad. Clear. There's an uncle character. I think it's either dad's brother or it's mom's brother. It's hard to tell. Every time it's hilarious, every time they say something about how dad died suddenly and

they hope he's okay, he rolls his eye. Yes. Yeah, she says, I can't stop thinking about where dad is right now. And again, this establishes the precedent that she assumes her dad is in hell, but we will never know why. Yeah, never know, never know. Which is something I would definitely want filled into my Christian movie. Right.

They're not good with the details in this movie. Like all we know is that Dad was like, he must have been a dick or something, but later in the film, not to spoil it, they really talk about what a good guy he was. Yes. They do. Right, I was later when they say it was divorced, I was like, oh, okay, maybe he was like abusive

or an alcoholic. No. No, honestly, if at the end she had just gently lean down by her father's graving ahead of Jewish star on it, I would have been like, oh, okay. I get what you're going. I did enjoy one other moment with that uncle guy because we walk up, we see him and he's like, that was a great fucking funeral, right? And she's like, yeah, I mean my dad died. You can just like tone it down a little bit.

He was 100% who was like, he didn't even look dead in that casket. Super good sandwiches too. You look like you was straight up alive. Awesome, love this. Sorry, sorry, this is wrong tone. So we meet that guy, he's fun. Then Jen walks outside and this is where the plot

really starts going. She sees her old friend from childhood named Autumn, who came to the funeral or the wake as well. Who by the way looks 100% healthy. Yep, yeah, right. The movie's going to try and explain that later on in a single sentence. Oh, but they will fail. I must have missed that. Okay. She's supposed to be in late stage leukemia right now to be clear. Yeah. She's not spoiler alert. God, he. Okay. She's supposed to be in late stage leukemia right now to be clear. Yeah. She's not spoiler alert. God, he. Wow. Did you already say this? No. Maybe. But at this point in the movie, you don't know that. Yeah. I am ruining this amazing movie and all

of the film plot. Exactly. I apologize. Why don't you just tell him who Kizer Soze is while you're at. No, here's the thing. This movie at this point is going for, it's awkward because they used to be friends, but they fell away because Jen found Jesus. What this movie finds is the sexual tension between Autumn and Jane is thick. T H I C.

Only you think that. Oh my God, you like. Kera, have you a friend who act like this around you? I've got bad news. T H I C only you think that oh my god you love it. Care of you, friends who act like this around you. I've got bad news. They're in love with you. Oh, and at this point, they have to reference another plot point, which nobody cares about, but just makes Jen that much more awful.

So Jen and her husband are thinking about having a baby or they're thinking about adopting. We don't know that yet. Jen is clearly not pregnant. And Autumn's like, did you have any luck getting pregnant? She's like, no bitch. Look at how not pregnant I am. Either you're really not showing or she's about to reach behind her and be like, yes, meet mittens by three year old Yeah, who I didn't bring to my father's funeral Yes, they have their awkward conversation. We also learn that autumn is single and Jan of course is not but she is you know, she's trying to have a kid

But she she does have a husband Todd Autumn is single and that's horribly embarrassing in this Christian movie universe. Autum almost starts crying right after that fact comes up because that fits. Well, it's actually not that. It's that Jen goes, well, don't worry, you've got plenty of time. Yeah, that's why she starts crying.

All right, and she's like, yes, so much time, not dying, gotta go to the not void. I don't have to go to the hamster palace. Christian movie universe, dying means you go to the not void. I don't have to go to the hamster palace. Christian movie universe. Dying means you go to heaven, not having a husband mate to take care of you means you're horrible, but she's not the Christian one. No, but remember, she's a dying atheist.

She's an atheist, right. So, okay, maybe she had a reasonable reason to start almost crying there. Fun. Yeah. Yeah. We go back inside now and mom's given the speech about. And I mean, the speech I say, you shouldn't have to give a speech as a grieving spouse in my opinion, but that's what she's doing. Well, she doesn't. She ponds it off on her grieving daughter. Oh, that's right. She switches it over. I actually, I always think it's weird when the spouse

doesn't speak. I'm always like, really? Nothing? Yeah. Yeah, but they're overwhelmed. But also mom clearly like hated him. It's not the spouse. She's the ex-bouse. Do you, Eli, do you go to wakes and be like, speech, speech, speech? I mean, who said that?

The point of, like, I'm not saying the whole point of marriage, but one of the points of marriage is that when you fucking die, someone who loved you for 40 years gets up and is like, hey, here's the song and dance, and then they're just like, oh no, it's a little much for me, and so we, oh, I'm sorry, Sharon, is it a little fucking much for you? Sorry for the 50 years we spent together. No, no, no, don't inconvenience yourself here at the wake, Sharon. Just keep it all inside. I'm sure I'll hear it from the fucking void. Oh, Anna's gonna have a speech. It's gonna be like a tight 120, like a straw.

Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. For sure. Damn right. Right. So, but yes, the speech does get pond off on Jenny.

Daughter and she's gonna say grace here, right? Which will accidentally meander into a meditation on whether or not her dad is in hell. Yeah, what the fuck? She starts out with like, Hey, God, killed my dad, good one, got me, got me good. He's in a better place now. Or is he?

And the whole memorial service is like, boo, and she's like, nope, right. Road crowd. Road crowd. Oh, yeah. Mom gets a little miffed at that. Mom's not the right place. I hate him too, but we're not doing that here. They never talk about it. He's somehow evil, but then that's negated at the end. Yeah, but they don't ever tell us why. Yeah, completely. I think this is like a heavens, hell's flames kind of thing.

Like he was a great guy. He just didn't ever accept Jesus into his heart. Right. He wasn't Jesus. I think that's all it was. Was that the musical we watched like a year ago? Yeah. God.

Not a musical, but a stage play. Yeah. It's that horrible play where like a rapist says, I'm sorry, right before he dies. So he goes to heaven and then like a school bus driver is like, I don't know, I have questions. So she like rots and hell. Yeah, they were all singing in my weird memory of that because it was a nightmare. You're mixing it up with this other terrible musical that Eli made me watch. Okay, I feel like we did a musical to it all runs together. Anyway, Jenny does the little grace thing and then she runs outside in a huff and she gets a little fight with Todd here and she asks for the car keys to go take a walk.

Yes, this confused me. I wrote my notes, give me the keys, I'm going to go straight race, it's the only way I know how to mourn. Did the movie just forget how those things work? I think they did. Yeah. Okay, they're not, they forget about how a how those things work? I think they did. Yeah. Okay. They forget about how a lot of things work.

So that night, Jen and Todd are, well, they're having not sex in the bed together again. They're not playing cards this time. They're just talking about eventually having kids. And I was like, yeah, that'll make it better. That'll make your sex life better. Go ahead and have some kids. Perfect. And they're having the every couple that should break up but won't conversation about having

a baby. It's just like, oh, no, I want to have a baby. We just need, we need to fully fund our 401 Ks before we have a family. Okay, but should you not be financially stable before you have kids? Isn't that like the, what the good guy should be saying? And he's kind of like the bad guy in this moment. But also they live in a giant house. Right. Like, can we just take a second? Like everybody in this movie lives in an enormous and comfortable and well-appointed home.

Why are they not financially stable? They're not in like a crappy apartment. They're in a huge house. No, it is. It turns out it will be fine for her to quit her job in order to get the fucking baby later. What's happening? Like, where do these people live? Also, she's like, I can't wait any longer to adopt. She's, I'm gonna be like 23 in a week. I can't wait any longer. Yeah. They're so young. Also, I don't think biological clocks apply to adoption, Jen. it's just weird. Oh, oh, and then he's talking about how we need money

and she's like, what about my Christmas bonus and the promotion and then she's like, there are some grants we can apply for. That wasn't insane. Is that a, are there grants for being a P.E. adoption grant? Is there like an essay contest for being a parent? You got fucking grant from somebody? What I did last summer with a baby I would have had. The rotary club gives you a scholarship for your baby. I don't that sounds you're saying, but it's so good.

She's like, well, if I get my promotion at work, can we have a baby as a reward for me? And he gives the most douchebag boyfriend answer of like, yeah, well, let's have my people talk to your people. And we'll, you know, we'll come back, circle back around pin in that. Okay. But again, I think this is good. Like, you should have to get a fucking parent license. I like that should be a thing. People need to think through being parents more than they look like, or we could get a decent social safety net. So like everybody who has a kid can support that kid at least at a basic. It's one of the other. We have neither right now.

I don't like it. Keith, every time you puttificate on politics, you end up at eugenics. I do. I back away. I saw it coming. I saw myself stepping to it. I was like, that's eugenics. Step back.

Let's get the social safety net. Or or. I didn't want to sit in a coffee table next to Charles Murray. And I was like, that's eugenics step back. Let's get the social safety or or just sitting at a coffee table next to Charles Murray. What? How did this guy get here? Not eugenics. It was money based. I was saying only rich people should have it.

But then I stepped back away from it. And I was not saying that the most maligned intellectual in the stock. I stopped just quietly sitting here. Okay. Now we cut, please, to something else. Carriage just backs away from our brains. It goes back to being a dead people dentist. Oh my God.

So we landed on social safety net is positive. The money thing is negative as a thing for getting, you know, the right tovigate. Hospice is the social safety net. There you go. Speaking of which, she can of which, we cut to the next day. It is. It's a Medicare benefit. Did you guys know that? I did know that actually.

Yeah. Yeah, you have experience with hospitals. For sure. It's a six month Medicare benefit. That most people don't use, sadly. What happens if you only use like a month bit? Are you supposed to get like five, three months of like more thing or whatever?

How does that work? No, but yeah, if you're in hospice for a month and you die, that's what they're kind of banking on is that it'll be less than six months. But there are people who go into hospice thinking, you know, they have every indication that they have less time. And then they realize that they're going to run out of hospice time. So they have to go off hospice. A lot. Yeah. Like that has happened quite a bit bit and then they go back on later. Cool. Yeah, it's like casino strategy. You have to play like a smart blackjack to survive

in our medical system. Yeah, because you only get six months of hospice. You got to get double the hospice the next time that it pays the hospice that you lost. You got to count the cards and bet big when it does make sense and then you get all the more. Fuck. Yeah. So that's the big takeaway is we need a better social safety net. We have hospice is a great program. It's great. We need more. We need everybody to be able to have all of that that they need for sure.

Yeah. This is not funny because and we're a comedy podcast, but literally the only doctor interaction people universally speak well of is hospice. Right? Every other thing, if you're like dentists, someone will tweet at you and be like, my dentists ripped out all my teeth and sold them to eight off Hitler. And you're like, oh, god, but everyone's just like, no, the dying people are great. They give you these big ass horsepills that make their own. Yes, they are. Head out the door

into the scream. Yep. Except by the way, new hope hospice, the hospice where Jenny works is weird. It is horrible. It's got five whole employees. And two of them are nurses and they manage every dying person in this like mid-level suburban town. Yeah. So we're cutting to that, right?

And this is where we're going to meet our villain, right? The only person of color in the movie, she's a lady, and we're introduced to her by her being like, oh, this patient was just like, help me help me help me. I'm in terrible pain. Dang, people in my right. And then Jenny's like really mean to her. Yeah. Like you notice how mean Jenny is to the only black woman in the whole movie? Right. Okay, here's the thing. This movie is so cluelessly racist that they did not realize that by making their only black character in the villain of the movie, they make everyone else in the movie a vicious

racist. And it is hilariously funny. Like, I feel like they were watching this with that actress and she turned to them at the end of the day. These and was like, guys, are you worried that anyone's going to think it's weird that I, the only black woman in this movie, and the villain in your all just cruel to me for no reason? They're like, what? Yeah.

I think they were genuinely like, no, that wouldn't be weird. Yeah. I think they were like, yeah, that's the point. This isn't a dog whistle. This is a whistle. Do you hear that? I'm a nice loud whistle. We're racist because we don't like you. Yeah, yeah.

But she's going to ask her boss for a race. And she does that by walking into the boss's office and picking up the picture of her family off her desk and staring at it. To be clear, the boss has a framed picture of her family and Jen comes into her office, sits down, reaches over the desk, grabs the picture of her boss's family and just is like, so yeah, anyways. Did you notice too that there was like a violin concherto that was weirdly playing very loudly

than it went away? Like, I think it was like an A.D.'s ringtone and they just didn't take it out. Yeah. Like, it was the weird thing. Definitely live phone on set, for sure. Right. So I guess the whole point of the scene

is for us to learn that Jenny's trying to get a promotion, right? She's trying to become like the assistant director of the hospice or something like that. Right. She wants to be senior hospice support. Like that. Yes. And and she wants that and she doesn't want the only black woman in the movie to have it. Right. Specifically also that. No, good point. This is very important. So now they're about to have a staff meeting and Jenny's talking with this co-worker, the one person of color in the movie. And her name is Marilyn, by the way, we don't learn that yet, but Marilyn is the name

of the co-worker. You're so good at knowing every character's name. You always do that in the notes. You put them in parentheses. It's very helpful because I just give them all weird pet names. Yeah. The movie doesn't fucking put them in parentheses or in like audible noises in a movie. Their name. No, this is Marilyn and Marilyn's like, oh, thanks for letting me know about that promotion because when they were talking a second ago, Jenny mentioned

it. Now Marilyn's going for the promotion too. And she's evil because of that somehow. Right. Like just because she wants to also have, I don't know, more money and more responsibility at work, which she clearly earned and is clearly very senior to Jenny somehow that makes her a conniving bitch. Yeah. They act in this movie as though Marilyn wants to steal Jenny's adoptive baby, right? Like she's like, no, I overheard you talking. I think I'm gonna get we one of those adoption babies. That sounds fun. So the boss starts the meeting and is like, okay, we have three new patients in my folder here. Jenny, you'll take the first one and she hands out the paper and it turns out it's autumn. Her friend who has late stage leukemia. So at this point, just just to be clear because I know that he's spoiled it for us like 900 times

Thank you. This is the first point in the movie where you're supposed to know that autumn is dying. Yes, you said leukemia in the way It's the story of thing at the beginning. We all didn't send the text. He meant to send the text and Eli's clearly Gaslighting right now liar about it And you like clearly gaslighting right now. Lier about it. Cara, I have a question because you are a dead people dentist. I feel like this is not how hospice works, right? I don't think they hand people out like fucking baseball cards. They're just like, all right, you get grandpa dying, you get grandma cancer in here.

You take the young one, all right, hands in the middle, everybody. Well, hospice on three. Okay, so I'm just going to make one thing abundantly clear right now so I don't have to do it anymore during the show. Answer the question. I am training to be a clinical psychologist. I'm in my last year of my PhD program. I work in a cancer center as a psychoncologist. I do therapy with people who have cancer. Some of them are doing very, very well. Some of them unfortunately are dying.

I do not work in hospice. I have worked with people who work in hospice, but I don't know what these internal meetings are like in hospice. Yes, dentist, got it. Yeah. Because I don't work in hospice. Also, I'm not a medical doctor nor am I a nurse nor am I a dentist. So I don't know Eli.

I don't know if that's how these meetings go, but you know, right? Well, you're a science communicator. Maybe you could communicate the science to me. They probably don't go that way. You are correct. Have you ever done a one, two, three break hands-in thing with clinical psychologists? Do you ever do that with the cancer that you psychoanalyzed? I do. I psychoanalyzed. You do. You're talking to the, they just, I know I'm picturing a big tumor lying on the couch in front of you and being like, I just really want to kill Harvey Weinstein. Oh my God.

Okay. Now I'm picturing that too. Nice. But like never like one, two, three chemo or like anything. Well, no, but I will tell you one thing that for sure doesn't happen. So I'm going to skip ahead here, whatever context exposition. So basically she gets the folder that has her best friend, ex best friend, autumn and she starts crying and everybody goes, oh, God, clearly you're not going to be

her nurse. That would be a conflict of interest. And so we'll give it to Marilyn. Okay, great. Well, I'm still going to go visit autumn. By the way, also this entire movie watches like a corporate anti-Horassment video. Like it's that quality. It sure does. Like it's rough. So Jenny, you know, gets the envelope that shows that it's her best friend, Autumn that's dying

and she starts to basically have a panic attack. And this is a apparently an office full of medical professionals, and the head of the office runs up to her in like waterboards, her. She makes her chuck the bottle of water. It is literally the drink the milk meme, right? Like I consider me and care to be very close, and if we were a little bit closer, I would have inserted the drink the milk meme into our notes. But we watched the drink the milk meme into our notes, but we've

watched the drink the milk meme happen in real time from her boss, the Jenny. Very unsuperwears. She's having an active panic attack and they're like drink, drink, drink, and she's like, oh, I don't want to do. I'm much less panicky now. This is great. Thank you. This is good. I know that I've drowned a little bit. I'm much calmer. I'm very drowned and relaxed. That's great. That's great stuff. And by the way, she takes this, this, I guess, thing she learned from her boss to autumn later and waterboards her when she's having a bad luck. Yes, sure does. And so it's always the waterboarded who waterboarded. So Jenny goes home for the day after that meeting and Todd comes in and he finds her laying in a pile of paper that she had created.

She angrily tore out the pages of her grieving pamphlet because she was mad and he's like, hey, do you make a blanket of paper for yourself there? And she tells Todd that Autumn is in hospice. Oh, she legit goes home and reads the pamphlet that her own hospice writes about grief, as if she's never seen it before. She's like, this now applies to me, and then she opens it up,

and it's like heavily annotated. Yeah. It's like she's studying for an exam. Yeah, exactly. Parts a year. Remember, do not the stages of grief, right? It feels like flashcards stuffed into it. And then she looks to the sky and she does a, why is this happening to me?

And I was like, yes, your friend dying of cancer seems really hard on you, Jen. Oh, and this is the first of many times when it's very about Jenny. This whole thing that's happening in this movie is very happening to her. It's gross. She's having a really tough time with somebody else's leukemia. Yeah, so it's tougher. And then her and Todd have a very creepy, silent, almost silent Protestant dinner together with the clicking lesson forks, which was fun for me.

I wrote, they're having quiet, non-Jewish dinner. Oh, and he's like, it's like amplified though when he like drinks out of his water glass with his creepy murder mouth. Like, all you can hear like mouth noises, it's so gross. Yeah. And so, this is where she explains to Todd her theory on what's happening here universally. She says, basically, she says, I think God gave leukemia to autumn to teach me a lesson about religion and how important it is for me to take it seriously. And for that reason, she's

going to go see autumn. Right. And his response, by the way, is was for dessert. That's a valid response. Hey, look, these two deserve each other. Every time this guy's a douchebag in the movie, I remember that he is with Jen and I'm just like, oh, man, this guy, nope. Again, I approve. I approve that putting guy and Jen really long together. He's a terrible mate, but she's like evil. So, you know, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, they're perfect for each other. And then before he leaves, he gives her the Christian movie forehead kiss. I wrote in my notes, whoa, whoa, whoa, kids could be watching. Yeah, she leaves to go deal with autumn, but really deal with herself and be awesome at religion, because that's the point of all this.

So, you know, every, yeah, every's always dwelling on the downside of leukemia as I feel like what they're going for here, but, you know, how much easier does preaching get when your target can't really move? And that's a positive, right? So, we're lining. So, we're going to take a quick break and think about all the pros and cons of leukemia. And then we'll be back with more redemption way. Well, you can't see his duck penis. That's why he doesn't need to wear pants. Okay, but do the other characters know that?

Mmm. Okay, which one of you stole my purse? Uh-uh-uh. Kara, this is not your purse anymore. Now, it's our grumble bag. Exactly. You're what? Our grumble bag. Whenever one of us is feeling down, we just grumble into our grumble bag and we're all better. And does that actually work? No, definitely not. Actually, it doesn't work at all.

Well, have you guys considered therapy? Therapy? Okay. I'm not crazy. No. Yeah, and who has the time? And the money? No, absolutely not. Exactly, we didn't all save a bunch of money

by buying headphones that were unpopular in 1994, Cara. Ha! All right, well then why don't you try BetterHelp? Oh, what's BetterHelp? BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers a video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to.

It's incredibly affordable and financial aid is available. Plus, God Awful Movies listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. That's a B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. Okay. That does sound better than the Grumble bag, which doesn't work at all. Yeah, it does. Okay, Cara. We're in the grumble bag, which doesn't work at all. Yeah, it does. Okay, Cara, we're in.

So can I have my purse back now? God, careful, don't open it. These are marshmallows. Sometimes you want a marshmallow while you grumble, Cara. I see. Reasonable. You don't. Hey, babe, what's the matter?

It's autumn. She's she's dying of cancer. Oh, babe. I'm like so sorry to hear that. Sorry, one second. That's my hot pocket. I know and she and I haven't been close these last couple of years. It's just sorry, babe. I can't hear you hot pocket. One second. Okay, okay. I'm back and go. It's just sorry babe, I can't hear you hot pocket one second Okay, okay, I'm back and go Yeah, I was just saying I know we haven't been close but but late

Is that another hot pocket? No, no, I needed like 10 more seconds one second The point is I worry about her immoral soul. Hey, are you babe, almost there. All right. I am back. I've got my hot pocket. I am ready to listen to you. Go. It's I'm just worried that if I don't talk to her about it now, I'm never going to get the chance. Talk to her about what? A threesome? No. Her soul, her immortal soul. Right. Soul. Yes, of course, so painful. Yeah, it really is. No, I was talking about my hot pockets, like super hot right now. Okay.

Should have done five seconds. And we're back. And the protagonist of the movie is driving over to her friend's house to change the religion of that person, her again, dying friend. That is the plot right now. There's a tiny moment here that I have to talk about because it literally never fucking matters and it's so bizarre. She gets a voicemail from her pastor being like, Hey, Janet's me, your pastor. I exist. Goodbye.

He will never be in the movie again. I have no idea what this pastor donated on Kickstarter. I have this. Oh, no, that is this actor being like, Oh, Greg Locke left me a voicemail. He's my real pastor Greg because it says pastor Greg on the phone. And Greg Locke would leave a voicemail like a sociopath who leaves a fucking voicemail. That's terrifying. Anyway, she goes to visit her dying friend and takes out a goddamn Bible. And it's like, I'm going to read the Bible to you, dying person who is stuck in bed and can't really do anything

about it. And on the way, we have to watch her put on her hospice mascara. Yep. That was weird. What's like not sure why that happened. Is there an appropriate makeup situation for helping dying people? Well, only if they know that later they're going to make you cry on camera. So they want you to look like Tammy. I got it. Got it. Yeah, you got to get that Tammy Faye cry going on. And they're having again, they're having this like, oh, will I or won't I go and tell my friend about Jesus moment?

But the mom opens the door and is like, hey, you're just hanging out on my porch. And she's like, no, no, I'm here to visit autumn. Here to visit. I didn't panic and then try to leave and then you caught me doing that. And now, yep, I'll come inside. Also, Autumn's mom is weirdly Southern. I have a hard time with this.

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this, but they live in generic America, USA. And both Autumn and Jen have generic America, USA accents, but Autumn's mom talks like this and Jen's mom or talks like this. And I don't understand how they're both from such very different parts of the country, but weirdly they grew up together. Texas Shogun or something. Yeah. Autumn's mom is also way too chipper when she finds Jen. She's like, oh my gosh, are you Autumn's nurse?

Have fun. Yeah, it is weird. You'll be there when she finally slips into the dark. Oh gosh, I have to get a picture of that. That happens multiple times. You're right. When you breathe in her last breath out. Like, not only does Autumn's mom say that, but later when she sees Autumn, Autumn's

like, are you my hospice? No. No. That's weird. No. You can't do that. But she also says that like, no, apparently that's like conflict of interest. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, they think I might prostalitize you or something. It's not a Bible. No, it's a Bermedical book. It's not a Bible, no, it's just a Bometical Book. It's science, Bible. Lithium, yep. So Jenny goes upstairs to literally proselytize to Autumn who is dying.

And Autumn's got the typical Christian movie, Cancer Scarf of Cancer, I guess. Yep. And Kara, again, you are an oncologist, so clarify for us here. The first rule of cancer is that you never let them give you a head scarf. That's what kills you, right? Oh, man. The head scarf.

Well, here's the part that I don't get. And maybe you were saying there's a one line or somewhere in this. I feel like Jenny's dad just died because multiple times when she's at work, they're like, are you okay? Do you need bereavement time? And she's like, no, I'm cool. I'm just gonna keep working through this. Yet, you know, and Autumn came to the wake and looked so healthy. Yes. And then like a day later, Jenny goes to visit Autumn at her house and she's weeks away from death. She's thought she has kiseia, gone. She has kikexia.

She has all the tail, tail signs like and it makes no sense. Yeah, she says, oh my gosh, you look so good at dead service. And she's like, oh, yeah, I rarely get out the wig anymore. And it's like, I feel like it's more than just a wig. It was definitely like, she like lost 30 pounds in two days. Like it's bananas. That's why they tried to explain it because she was wearing a wig. I guess. Oh my God. And this is also an incredibly important moment in the movie where she asks her for the first of

I'm going to say genuinely 50 times. How are you feeling? Yeah. I'm fucking great. I'm great. Thanks. It's awesome. I love this. Stop asking dying people how they're feeling. They're dying. They feel bad They either feel bad or high all the time until they're dead. That's the answer And it's it's also like the first of several times when it's very clear that it's all about Jenny and what Jenny wants and Jenny getting what she needs out of these situations like a she shows up unannounced to Autumn's house and uninvited. Mom just lets her in and doesn't warn, she doesn't say, Autumn, you have a visitor, are you up for a visitor? She just goes, go on up, it's surprising, that's fun. And then

she walks up to Autumn, who's clearly in a lot of physical pain, and she forces a hug on her. She goes in and almost lifts her body out of the bed and squeezes her and she like winces What the fuck? Yep, and then she asks her how are you doing? Spiritually which hey praise to autumn here autumn's answer to how are you doing spiritually is oh I Like Science that's done You're dumb. I'm dying although Although she clearly isn't an atheist either

because she says these words, because this is how Christian movies always paint out atheist. They're like, all most Christian, because she goes, whatever's next has got to be better than this. Sorry, that's not atheist. Atheists don't believe there's anything next by definition. Although nothing could be better than, you know,

dying of leukemia. Yeah, there's a really dark aviates interpretation of that. I look forward to the boy in front of her song is lying next to her in bed. I gave her that line. Can't help notice you didn't give me a hug when you came in. Oh, I was in Jackery Chuck 2. This whole fucking scene, all I'm rooting for here is a person with leukemia just beating up a Christian lady and throwing out a window somehow.

Because she's also, she's literally, this is the first of many scenes where she guilts her. She's Jenny's talking to Autumn who's clearly in a lot of pain and she's going like, I don't understand what happened to our friendship. Why didn't you ever return my calls? Yes! Why were you such a shitty friend to me? All I tried to do was teach you about Jesus

and you never let me in and now you're dying. How dare you do that to me? Yup, yup. This is about me. Yeah. And again, Autumn is so great here because she's like, I just really want to know what happened between us and Autumn's like,

I'd love some pudding, you know's like, I love some pudding. Do you know where I can get some pudding? Do you really want me to explain how you're the worst, your question, your literal worst like right now? You're okay, it seems like you're about to hand me death homework, that Bible, you're gonna use that, was that what you're doing? Yes, that's what's happening. Yeah, you're the worst, is why.

Oh, and she literally says the words, she goes, humor me. Like, oh yes, she totally owes you that. What the fuck? Take the Bible. I wrote in my notes, how else are you going to know which babies to kill on what rocks? Yeah, but this is what the bad guy, the African American woman sees her doing,

which again, is completely immoral. And I think might be illegal. She's just like shoving this Bible into this dying woman's hand, but Marilyn sees that. And so Marilyn very rightly comes in and is like, hi, I'm your actual hospice nurse. Hey, Jenny, do you want to leave now? And Jenny's like, ah, I was just getting to the good, ah, okay, I'll see you later. Yep.

So Jenny, Jenny goes back home and she starts talking to Todd and she explains that autumn is definitely dying soon, but, you know, she did super good in her Christian thing, which is really the important takeaway of all that. Right, yeah. This scene starts with Todd turning to Jenny and going, how is she? And Jenny going, not good, she's dying.

And Todd goes, well, does she believe in God? Oh. Don't worry, babe, because she can like get a boyfriend in heaven or whatever. OK. And then oh, and then she says, I don't want to make the same mistake I did with my dad, AKA prostalitis until he hated me. Yeah. Like that's just the plot of this movie is her worried that she's going to push

autom away just like she pushed her dad away and then won't be able, then she'll be all regretful in the, it's like then don't do it. Don't do it, Jenny. Yeah. Why do you have to be so garbage? The worst. And so I think this is where the editor of the movie was like, this is the fucking most

horrible movie I've ever got in. I've seen, I'm going to just insert some stuff. It's going to be super boring, but it's going to be better than this. Nothing is better than dying leukemia. So now he puts in, we get like 45 minutes of looking at a night sky. And then we watch Jenny drive a car into a goddamn strip mall in the suburb. It's like the most boring possible things. We watch her push a cart around the supermarket. We watch her. I love the superurb. It's like the most boring possible things. We watch her push a cart around a supermarket. We watch her. I love the supermarket. We watch grocery shop. So Eli, I have a question because at one point as she's grocery shopping, she passes a woman

who has a cart or sorry, a basket on one arm with a child, like a toddler that she's holding hand. And then in the other hand, she's bottle feeding a baby while she walks around the grocery store. Fuck yeah, she is. Do you feed your child like in route? Like, that's what you did. That feels amazing. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. Absolutely. Are you kidding? It's not like take a great policy. I abuse the hell out of the take a great book. There's two things my son loves. It's the same truck book over and over again and berries. And when we get to the grocery store, he is a stochastic terrorist of the rule of your allowed to have a barrier to

from the grocery store he's just dumping pints into his mouth full-hog slamming him on the ground like Thor's causing other people to commit acts of terrorism yes by doing that okay really what really curious about is that when he was so small that he was either bottle fed or breast fed, did you not sit down to feed him or did you just keep shopping the whole time you're feeding him? Good clarification of the question. This is a great clarification. Yeah.

I don't know that we ever did a bottle on the actually, you know what we did bottles on the go I don't know if you've seen early footage of my son's cheeks, but there were bottles pretty much universally for that first year Okay, well that's important important that that got cleared up good. Yeah, it's an important scene to me at least So they get through this nonsense, just edit it in boring stuff. And then back at home, Jenny's making food to bring to autumn. Oh, yeah. And Todd walks in to be the literal worst. Oh my god. This is my favorite sea. He's like, Oh, what are you making for us? And she's like, Oh, no, I'm bringing them over to autumn, who's dying. And he's like, Okay, well, will you make me a dejorno pizza before you go?

God. Yeah, he's literally like, I want some of those potatoes. She's like, no, I'm making literally boiled tasteless potatoes for my friend, because it's the only thing she can eat. And he's like, oh, God, what is the most eat? Yeah, he just grabs the potato out of the boiling water and burns. Oh, oh, but at the autumn doesn't have this. Oh, oh, oh.

And so Jenny's literally like, dude, there's a frozen pizza in the freezer. You can cook it yourself and just do me a favor and please do the dishes. Like I'm surprised. I'm going too much of my life. Even worse than that. It is worse than I put a pizza in the oven for you from the goddamn freezer because you wouldn't be able to handle that. Yes.

There's a dejorno on the way I set a timer when it when you hear a little bingy noise, then you just pull your food out of the fucking food box of heat and then you eat it eventually. And just wash the dishes. Yeah, if you could just please do the dishes. That's all I want from you. Just do the dishes. And by the way, they're couple dishes, not the dishes. Yeah, if you could just please do the dishes. That's all I want from you. Just do the dishes. And by the way, their couple dishes, not cooking dishes, she's talking about like two plates and a fork that she's asking him to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, but he ends up, he ends up, we find out later when she comes back home and she sees like, you're going to spoil this too. I'm going to spoil this too. I'm going to skip ahead. She comes back home in another scene and sees all this, this like all these crazy dirty like he used 19 different plates and books and books. It's so stupid. Anyway, so now Jenny goes to see Autumn again. She said, oh, I'm tasked and she's watching Autumn eat her sad potatoes

in silence. She's just like staring at Autumn. It's so weird. Why doesn't she eat with her? Why does that? She normalized the situation a little bit. Hey, I brought us potatoes. Let's eat some potatoes together. So she force feeds her potatoes, stares at her while she eats them. And do you know what I noticed? No water, nothing to drink. Nope. Literally, she's trying to kill her with mashed potatoes. It's a lie of potato. mashed potatoes and nothing else. She might as well be doing like, where play? It's so obnoxious. And autumn does this great, like, excuse for why she's not eating more. She's like, oh, I would totally eat more of these boiled potatoes you brought me, but I'm dying.

And that's really why. Yeah. And then she shames her again. Jenny shames her more about not calling. And Autumn's like, bro, because you're obnoxious now. Like, you used to be cool. Then you became this super Christy, like, prostilitizing asshole. And I don't like you very much.

And Jenny's like, hmm, really? Jen literally doesn't hear her. She's like, why did we stop being friends? This is the second scene in a row. She asked that. And she's like, being a Christian made you shitty. And Jen's direct response to that is, yes, I am a better person now.

And I was just like, whoa, not what she said. It's like, this is one of those perfect examples and I know you guys do this all the time. I do this once a month. So I know that I've like, I've got some ketchup to do, but I feel like every time I watch it when these movies, I'm losing my mind and I'm turning to my dog and being like,

they see it, right? They see it. They're fully aware of that like, Jenny's the bad guy, right? Because they did that on purpose., Jenny's the bad guy, right? Cause they did that on purpose. They made her the bad guy. Autumn is clearly rational and normal and Jenny's horrible, but they don't see it that way. Autumn's dying of atheist blood cancer and she's evil.

Checkmate. Is what's happening. It's so, like how do they not see it? They're the ones who made it. Right. And this is where autumn questions Jennings religion a little bit. She's like, look, I know your faith is real to you, but to me, you're an asshole. Can you see that?

And Jenny's like, no, I can't. She's like, okay, do you have any proof of the existence of God? And Jenny starts to reach for the Bible. And she's like, shut the fuck up, Jenny. Not in the Bible, you're still. Yeah, it's the best. Spider-Man comics aren't proof of Spider-Man. Come on.

And she literally has to go like, can we talk about something else now? You literally said something else. This is so painful for me. Once the Bible is proof of God was ruled out, Jenny was like, we're talking about sports, the myths are too in bad this season, you're gonna go to hell. Oh yeah, and this is when they talk about this weird childhood memory of my girlfriend. Oh, this is the Muguffin.

Could not matter less. Yeah, this is one of several. It doesn't matter. Oh, okay. We will spend so much fucking time on this Muguffin, right? Because we're gonna speed through it because it doesn't matter and who cares. But they will talk for genuinely 10 minutes

about like, do you remember that we had a treasure map and then my father, well, you know, my dad actually left that for us on purpose. Well, too bad he's in hell. It seems like a nice thing of him to do. Yeah, okay, okay. So in case anybody had no idea what you like just said. They're reflecting on a childhood memory of having full schooled that was planted when

they were on a trip somewhere, like they found full schooled and it was really exciting because they thought they found real treasure, so then they buried it in their backyard and made a treasure map. And she reveals to Autumn, did you know my dad actually planted that fake gold, like so that we would have fun on that trip because he was a really good guy, but he's in hell now. Yeah. I'm very confused about my plot. Very confusing.

Like, what? What is happening? Also, just throwing this out there, they seem to indicate that they buried the treasure with the treasure map. Oh, but they didn't because later we see the treasure later we see the treasure map, but she very clearly says in this scene that they buried the map with the treasure. Whoops. All right.

Yeah, they didn't have the funds to go reshoot that. Did they get confused about where the map and the treasure go separately? It would be how that normally happens. Yeah, they got confused about that. Apparently it happens, but then they forgot about this whole fucking thing regardless. So it's fine. So yeah, they fall asleep together, whatever.

Later that night, Autumn's mom wakes up, Jenny, Jenny goes home. And she sees the Todd did not do the dishes. Right. And again, there's like so many pieces of kitchen stuff that he used to eat one freezer pizza. It's bananas. It's insane. There's like seven pizza cutters, a soup pot. Somehow he served himself with a ladle so much. How did you use the fondue set? What would that, how would that sit in? He's so garbage.

He's so garbage. And I want to be clear. This part of the movie is never resolved. Todd never says like, I'm going to help out around more around the house or I'm going to do it. Nope. This is just Jenny's supposed to be like, oh, first my friend is dying and now my boyfriend sucks. But that boy.

Yeah. She, she finally, she goes like, oh, he's horrible. So she starts to do the dishes and he like wakes up from the couch. And she's like, you said you would do the dishes and he's like, oh, I's horrible. So she starts to do the dishes and he wakes up from the couch. And she's like, you said you would do the dishes and he's like, oh, I fell asleep, I didn't do the dishes. And she's like, what the fuck, why didn't you do the dishes? And he's like, you spend so much time with your dying friend. If you're here more, you could have done the dishes.

You've seen Autumn twice now. Oh, God, I'm the worst and you're even worse than me. Yeah. And did you guys notice that she has a big wooden carving of faith in front of the sink? Yeah. Also, she has a left-handed refrigerator for no reason. Oh, lefty open.

It's lefty open on that. She has one of the old school white refrigerators where the freezer's on top and the fridge is on the bottom and they're there. And you can hang the door either way, which makes sense if you have like a weird kitchen and it needs to let you open. Yeah. But it's in the middle. There's no reason for it to lefty open and they lefty open it.

That's weird. And she's got the no fuss and no fuss and no back talking. Yeah. Now see, here's the thing that I will say people are often like, oh, is there anything about being religious you miss? And I will say decorating would be much easier if I was religious, right? Oh, yeah. You just go to Home Depot and grab those wooden signs off the wall.

Just fill a cart and you got your decorations for the rest of your life. Faith, joy, family, love. Yeah, so they're both the worst. The main character and Todd, the husband of the main character, Harble. Again, these are the pro tag. I can't miss out on the movie. Allegedly, asterisk. Yes, they are, though, the movie thing. So so Jenny wakes up the next morning

and she's getting a call from her boss at hospice. She slept through two appointments with literal dying people. Her hospice appointments. She's so bad. I feel like, look, I know that's a movie trope in this movie was just going for like, oh, no, I was out late that I missed work But I feel like missing a hospice appointment is a really big deal Cuz in that mean like mr. Schwartz was somewhere without his morphine being like kill me Kill me I mean it definitely means that she screwed some people over and isn't she up for a promotion? This does not bowed well for her. Yeah, horrible. I do want to clarify one thing

that I feel like I shouldn't have to clarify, especially not on a comedy podcast. I'm going to be earnest for one second. It's very common and totally okay that when people are nearing the end of their life, that they are religious and that they want to talk about religion and that there are spiritual concerns and really they there is such a thing as spiritual suffering, but usually they talk to their chaplains about that. And I see patients who are in to life and we do talk about religion quite a bit, but I don't tell them what I think or believe.

I listen to them and I validate their viewpoints. So regardless of if they're atheist or Christian or Jewish or Buddhist or Hindu or whatever, I am there to support them through their process and journey however it is for them, right? That's the right thing to do. Right, but you can make a jerk off gesture occasionally, right? Like when you're like, I'm gonna see my children again.

Like you're just like, oh, all right. Relax. You get a straight face, oh, great. All right. Relax. You got a straight face at the whole time? Come on. Gotta have a day for you. Oh my God. All right. Or like, are you ever like really,

you're going to have a mitch? All right. Okay, so yeah, she missed a couple of very important, you know, appointments with people who are at the end of their life She goes into the office and she's having a meeting with the boss. She's kind of getting yelled at for that and The boss is like, hey You did something you're definitely not allowed to do Autumn very specifically refused to get any religion from us were assholes who offer that kind of

aggressively and she was like, I know. So you can't then still do that. And Marilyn actually told us that you, you did that. Yeah. She didn't sign up for the salvation package and it sounds like you're giving it away for free. Right. We have morphine.

That's the salvation. It's awesome. Just use that. But the boss is great here. She's like, hey, you know you can't just like take your fucking badge off and start Propheticizing and in China's like, no, no, because I wasn't wearing it. So it doesn't count. It was just I was just a lady. It was just a lady. And then when she tells me that Marilyn told on her, she's like, she's a lying. And by the way, she's literally not lying.

Yeah, she told her exactly what she saw, which is the ethical and right thing to do, because she's massively violating her medical ethic here. Like literally the boss is like autumn, refused spiritual care, and then you turned around and forced spiritual care on her, and you're not a chaplain. You're a nurse.

Yup. Nothing about this is okay. And her literal response, by the way, is, so I can't speak to my friend. Seriously, this conversation is people are allowed to die without being harassed by you. And the response is, no, they're not go I'm in a SNIP. That's the movie. That's the point of the movie, just and no, they're not go I'm in a SNIP is the good guy in the movie. That's the point of the movie. Just and no, they're not. Go. I'm going to snit is the good guy in the movie. It's the good guy who literally says I wasn't forcing my beliefs on her. No, but yes, you were. Literally. Yes. Exactly. She was literally going, I don't want to talk about this. I don't believe the same thing as you. I don't even like you as a person now ever since you became

this way. And she's like, just read the Bible. Are you sliding Bible closer to me? Are you slot? You're pushing it into my face. It's literally touching my cheek now. It's pushing against her face. I wasn't forcing my beliefs on her. I was using her dying moments as my chance to picture on my time share. It's totally different. There is a different this movie.

Yep. She's like, totally not vulnerable at all. Call. This is actually about me. How can nobody else see that? Horribly evil. And then that horribly evil quote, protagonist, Jenny, goes to Marilyn's office now to yell at Marilyn for, you know, in her head, marking on her, but in reality, telling the boss of the hospice that this is a huge violation happening. That's horribly

unethical. Yeah. I just want to clarify, she does first invite Marilyn outside as though to fight her. Am I wrong? She does. Marilyn's like, you can just tell me right here in my office. I think she tries to get a fight going. Honestly, if Marilyn had just kicked the shit out of Jenny, I would've been so happy.

Marilyn, you would take this outside in the next scene, she's just in a cast talking to Autumn. So anyways, the great thing about Jesus, I fell, I hit a door. Yeah. This is where Jenny in a movie, we've just seen what happened a moment ago. In this movie, she's like, she tries to gaslight us the audience. So, Maryland, why did you lie and say I was proselytizing against Autumn's wishes and Marilyn's like, no, you literally did that and I'm pretty sure the audience just heard you admit that like 30 seconds ago in this movie.

Yeah, she like looks into the camera like we're together on this, right? Like Jim from the office, right? She pulls out a copy of the script from her bag. I mean, it's right here on page 26, the same picture. See? Yeah. Were you give her a Bible? Yeah.

Right. So like the end of this is supposed to be Jenny's clearly fired and Marilyn clearly gets the promotion, right? Like end of movie, right? No, not at all. That's so not what I'm saying. But now, but this is a Christian movie. So now, yeah.

So from there, we cut to the next day, Jenny and Todd are at their adoption time share presentation style meeting of some sort. I was confused by what adoption means based on this movie. Oh, there's also in between here, by the way, there is a weird flashback to the pool thing with you. But we do, we do the flashback. Oh, right. There's a flashback to the pool thing with. But you know, we do. We do. There's a flashback to literally.

Doesn't matter. Good point. None of you wrote about it. So clearly you were like, but I believe in that. I believe in it for my memory. Yeah. But this, this adoption time share again has nothing to do with the movie. Nothing matters at all, but it's fucking fantastic because it's just this woman at the

front of the movie being like, all right, everybody. Couple of clarifications. What? You cannot buy a baby. Two. Can you buy it? No, sorry, you just said it. You just said it.

You go, what was next? Two. Two. If your relationship sucks, you shouldn't do this. And when she said that part, Shannon Todd, look at each other like, oh, our relationship does. It's so good. She might as well be like, if you're a shitty couple who argued yesterday about dishes

and it was like a huge thing, you should leave right now. Raise your hand if that might describe you. You two should raise your hand. Right there. You should leave. It's so good. It's amazing how much she really does hit them over the head

too, with like adoption is not the same as buying a car. It's not a purchase, because you can't purchase human beings. You understand that, right? Because that would be slavery. That would be trafficking. You cannot own human beings. You get that, right?

And they're like, they're like checking their wallet. They're like looking up their bank statement. Like, well, that's what's so amazing is that as she's doing it, there's an extra in the back who was obviously just told to be interested But it really looks like that guy's like, oh you it is slavery S Like you spell slavery for me because I was on her a miss separate

I feel like this woman who ran the adoption thing was just mad at the movie and was like no I'm gonna explain what fucking adoption is to this movie and this audience people because they're insane. And she did it. Yeah, this is another example of like they get it right because they're allowing this in their fill. Yeah. And I don't think they did. I don't think they even noticed that this woman in real life described what adoption actually

might be to the movie in the audience. But that's what happens. So they walk out of this presentation and Todd is like, well, you know, maybe we're not ready for being parents. I don't know. If it's meant to be, God will make a way, which is the answer to everything. And also a great cliffhanger.

So I guess that's the end of act two. So let me give act three, the hard sell. Is it meant to be? Will God make a way? Will God's way involve murdering a lady using blood cancer? Find out it's definitely yes to all those questions when we return for the big finale of redemption way. Where's a present mumble? Hey, you doing pre-ad mumble grumbles about bicep curls?

What's up? What's going on there? It's Kara. She got mad at me for making fun of her stupid old headphones. She turned all my clothes inside out and maybe walked to Carvell ice cream and get her a rainbow cone with chocolate sprinkles. Okay, so now you're doing training, getting trinning,

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I'm going, I'm going. Rainbow sprinkles. Rainbow sprinkles, yeah. Get me one too. Jenny, thanks so much for coming in. I'll go ahead and close the door. Yes boss. Okay, yeah, so Jenny, there's no easy way to say this, but one of our staff saw you proselytizing I'll go ahead and close the door. Yes, boss. Okay. Yeah.

So, Jenny, there's no easy way to say this. But one of our staff saw you proselytizing to one of our patients. What? No, I wasn't. I just gave her a Bible and told her about being saved. Okay. Yeah. That's what proselytizing is.

You just described that word. So, you work in hospice care and you represent this company. So, you can't just take off your badge and start changing people's religion. You understand that, right? So you're saying I am fired for being a Christian? Nope, nope, not at all. What I'm saying, definitely not that at all. I'm saying you can't use your position of power and position of trust to push a personal religious agenda in that moment. So like I cannot speak to patients with my mouth. You want me to sew my mouth closed? Wow. Okay. You know what? Let's back up. Let's back up. I feel like you're you're losing the thread here.

It just repeat what I say here. Can you repeat what I say? Sure. Okay. This notebook is green. That notebook is green. Great. My hair is brown. That notebook is green. Right. My hair is brown. Your hair is brown. Right.

Preaching salvation at someone's deathbed is unprofessional. You're gonna hunt me down like a circus bear for my innermost thoughts. Right. Cool. Yeah. We're done here. I'm not a circus bear. Yup.

Got it. And we're back. And we haven't watched any death happen for like 10 minutes in the movies. So now we're back with Autumn, literally watching her die more for a long time. Right. And again, Jenny is once again going to ask her,

how she is doing. How are you? First question. Yep. Yeah, and at this point, she's actually doing, I think she's done some good study and she's doing some pretty good death acting, I think. Yeah. And at this point, she's actually doing, I think she's done some good study, and she's doing some pretty good death acting, I think. Yeah. She looks like she's got muscle

wasting disease. She can't really breathe very readily. She's very weak, and she's sleeping most of the time. So of course, what does Jenny do? Come annoy her. With more Bible shit. Yes. Yes. And by the way, the sicker that autumn looks the more visibly aroused Jenny is. Oh, yeah. Autumn's like, I'm scared. And Jenny's like, yes. I mean, oh, yeah, yeah. Jesus. This is great. Right. But because she had that fight with her boss, this is the like scene of indecision. And because it's terribly scripted, instead of just like, oh no, I've been instructed not to talk to you about Jesus and that's hard for me, but I'm gonna be here for you for my friend. Instead, she's gonna do a fucking liar, liar penis blue moment

where she's like, uh, you can't see it. I'm not allowed. Oh, okay. All I was rooting for at this moment was for autumn to be like a secret shopper for hospice. Yeah. Like the equivalent of not asking for ID at TGI Fridays as a bartender is like, you know, illegally proselytizing to someone who specifically did not want that when you're a hospice employee. And I was hoping so bad that that was like, is that a real thing?

By the way, do you think they do like sting operations? Like, but there should be because you're right. Like she is super scared. She's really vulnerable. This is like the most sensitive time in her life. And she's struggling to breathe and autumn's literally, or sorry, Jenny is literally like autumn. I need you to tell me a little bit more about why you're not Christian.

Because it's a lot of words. I need you to, I really need you to, and I'm risking my job to be here because this is about me. Yes. To be clear, she's sitting there quaking like she's trying not to shit her pants with her, with her prostheticization. And she's like, okay, do you have something to say? And Shetty's response to her dying friend is, oh, so now you want my advice.

So yeah, it's horrible. And Autumn, the whole time, this whole movie, Autumn has been owning her. She's had the best argument. She's like, you're not a good person. I'm the one who's dying, stopping such a selfish, horrible human being. And Jenny's like, I don't see it. I don't know. I just don't see it. Like, Jesus is basking me in his warmth. I don't know if you're talking about that. Yeah. But then she has a coughing fence. So Jenny, again, for sure, for sure to

jug some water like her boss made her jug. Oh, this scene, it proves that she is actually not a real hospice nurse because autumn's lying in bed, struggling to breathe. She starts to choke and cough. And Jenny, instead of like making sure that she's, you know, needs to be aspirated, like that she's not aspirating, like trying to figure out what's going on. She runs to her, water boards her, and then scoops her up out of bed. This woman has no energy.

Scoops her up out of bed and shoves her head out the window. I genuinely thought she was going to toss her out the window to be like, nobody talks about Jesus like that and just fucking elbow drops are on the way down. It's the weird and then she's like, I need more out of hand, bring me more out of hand. Like it's the only drug she knows how to administer. Like everything is just anxiety. Like there aren't actual meds to help her

with her breathing problems. And so it's just crazy, because mom comes in with the out of hand, because of course, I guess mom's the nurse now. All Jenny can do is try and choke her friend to death. Mom comes in with the out of hand and like takes her back to bed, because why did she pull her out of bed?

Did she get out of bed and throw herself halfway out of the window? Yep, yes she did. She did. I will see you downstairs. I'm an awesome nurse. That was not me. I would never have done that. At this point in the movie, she's such a bad friend and nurse. I thought she was going to chug the out of bed. Oh, thank you. Your daughter is being such a bitch. You cannot imagine how much I need this. Yeah, so Jenny gives the adivan and then she leaves the room. She goes downstairs and she starts praying for a second. She's like, leaves and prays more for like the magic to happen instead of the medicine that she just administered, I guess. I don't know.

That's so weird. And it's like, again, it's very about her. Like, we don't see what happens to Autumn, because nobody gives a shit. It's like the writers of the movie were like, oh, this is Jenny's journey. She's about Jenny and the trouble she had. And, and like, oh, he, Autumn's mom agrees,

because she's like, hey, honey, enough about my daughter. She's upstairs screaming for help or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. How are you handling all of this? Yeah, and then she like, she like then proselytizes to Jenny's, or to Autumn's mom. Like, she is neither a psychologist nor a chaplain, but she is going off on these very like somehow, I think I'm trained as a psychologist and a chaplain tangent. She's a nurse. And right now, she's not even working as a nurse. She's her friend's nurse. And right now she's not even working

as a nurse. She's her friend's friend. That's all she's supposed to be doing. But she's stepping out of her bounds of competence in the worst way. Like this movie should end with her getting her license revoked at minimum. Absolutely. Yeah. She, she explains to them up. She goes, no, no, no, you don't understand. If a dying person is angry or anxious when they're dying, it's because they don't love Jesus enough. And I wrote my notes, take notes, Kara, okay? Yeah. Remember that for her?

That's literally what she says to her mom. She's like, oh, this isn't physical suffering. This is spiritual suffering. You need to be better at recognizing that. Jesus is punishing her. She needs to repent. That's what this is. Right, yeah.

And then again, the fucking P.S. to resist odds of the scene is you turn to the mom and she's like, Hey, just so you know, your daughter's going to die super soon. Yeah, she does. Super super. Super. And the mom starts crying. And she's like, I did a good job.

The end of the scene. Do you want some out of him or prayer? No. Great. Do you want me to hook you out of it? Yeah. More. It would have been really funny if me to hug you out of bed? Yeah. More. It would have been really funny if she starts to force feed her in the water.

Right. Oh, God. I'm running out of water here. It's a handful of potatoes. Where did you get that gross? Yeah. So Jenny leaves. She drives away and she's having a sad drive and she pulls over during this sadness drive to a random parking lot so that she could pray because you need to park to pray. Is that what we learn here? She does it twice.

She does it once in the parking lot and then once just on the side of the road. Yep. And can we talk about the parking? Sure. Because if I had designed a movie as revenge against the event, right? Well, it would be the overhead view of we get of Jenny's parking job, which takes up, I kid you not three fucking parking. I don't know.

It was almost geometrically impossible. It was like, non-uclidean. How many spots did she took up? And we watch her do it, too. So it's very clearly someone with my driving ability being like, okay, I just pull into this empty parking lot one space and she ends up like horizontally across nine spaces. I hated it so much. So much. Also, okay, I hated that, but I did enjoy this. They redeemed it a little bit. She parks and she's like, hey, God Hey God. Fucker, you're listening to me? And then nothing happens and she drops away again.

And I left a lot because nothing happened. Honestly, if she'd gotten plowed into by a truck full of ad-a-van at that point, this would have been my favorite Christian. Oh, it's so bad. And then she's looking very goth. She's got like mascara running down her face. She's listening to generic Christian music.

That's just horrible. It's so bad. My music note was bad music. That's all. What are you? Oh, oh, but this is where we see the second black character in the whole movie. Do we?

A baby. A baby when she gets to your ceiling. Oh, that's right. Yeah, she looks at a baby and she's like, oh, maybe I could just take that. No.? A baby. A baby, which she looks at a baby. And she's like, maybe I could just say that. No. Yeah, no, there's like one point one people of color in the movie by size. That has to be what they were implying though in this scene. She literally pulls up next to a car. The windows are down. There's a baby in the back seat looking at her like really vulnerable. And she's like, baby. What. Mm-hmm. You're gonna have baby.

What was that look on her face? That was fucking creepy. I don't even know what they were trying to do. Averis, he, that's Averis. Okay. Hunger. Averis and hunger, that tracks, that does track. So Jenny finishes up her sadness montage

and she goes to her mom's house and apologizes. Yeah, this scene is not necessary. It was already established that dad was kind of not religious and that they don't know what happened to him, but that she's sorry that she was mean at his wake. Oh, that's what she was apologizing for. She was me and at the wake. Yeah, she's unnecessary. Yeah, she's sorry she pointed out that dad isn't ill. Yeah, yeah. And also mom from Minnesota, she literally says, I know, I know. I know.

Those are her only minds. So I know Jenny, I know. They have this great moment. And I've actually had Christians do this with me because I and Keith, I don't know if you've gotten to do this yet. It's a treat, I recommend it. Now that my father is dead, when Christians like in person try to do that like really earn us thing about being saved, I tell them that my father was like this great person, my

like personal hero was a teacher, but that he was Jewish. And then I asked them if they think he's burning in a lake of fire forever. And they do the trick that this movie does, which is, I think maybe God caught him at the last second, you know, like maybe real quiet. I think we should check out this rip-corp. Yeah. Yeah. They literally say that though.

Yeah. What happened to dad? Well, maybe then they, he negotiated something in the last, and they left that. We don't know. We just got to believe that. Yeah, right. That to they're like yeah he probably just you know had a really long talk with God and just bullshitted his way into heaven that's probably what happened it's fine yeah oh and then the mom's like after she says I know so many times she goes oh Jenny I'm seeing a counselor now and Jenny Jenny's like, good for you, with literally no insider interest,

no insight, no follow up. Like nothing about like, probably I should see a counselor because I am a massive narcissist. And like, I clearly never dealt with my father's death. And now trying to cope with it by like, proselytizing to my dying friend, but mom's. That's why she tells her, Cara.

She's trying to hit the, she's like, oh, that's why she tells her Cara. She's trying to hit that she's like, oh, you know, Jenny, I'm seeing a counselor and she's like, oh, that's good. You're a real bitch. Anyways. She's like, all do you talk about me a lot in therapy? I bet you do. What do you say about me? Oh, and this is the scene where where mom offers a drink and Jenny's like, no, and mom pours the glass of water anyway, because that's what a loving mom does. I was confused. What did this mean? Also, she doesn't ask her if she wants to. She goes, are you thirsty?

And she says, no, thank you. That's a weird thing to say. Like she doesn't say, can I pour you a drink? She says, are you thirsty? No, thank you. No, that's I just asked you to. You know, there's no thank you today. Weird. Yeah, that's like using take care wrong at the end of the thing when it's the other. Yeah, for sure. Or the you too, when the way you do, you have a good rest of your shit. God, yeah. Have a good flight. You too. Yeah, yeah, I'm a good flight you too. Yeah. You're coming with me. All right, so none of that's seen made any sense. Now we're back at the office and Jenny has a meeting with her boss. She doesn't have a meeting with her boss. Let's be clear. Her boss is meeting with Marilyn to talk about her potential promotion and Jenny crashes Maryland's interview.

That's what happened. She shows up and knocks on the door, just as Maryland is finishing her promotion interview. And she's like, oh, I'm here now. It's about me again, black lady get out of the, yeah. Hi, I'm here. Don't worry, Maryland's only two thirds of it in play. I would like to officially resign.

Three fifths, three fifths. Yeah, boss might as well be like, he's a white person asking a question. What was that? Jenny? The worst. Yeah. But the point is Jenny's trying to say like, oh, sorry for trying to change religions on the clock.

I'm quitting now, so I'm technically off the clock and I'm going to change religions all the time. That's my solution to this. Yep. I don't get this at all. Like, why doesn't she just take a leave of absence or stop doing that? Well, yeah, there, I mean, but clearly she can't do that. We would never move it. I don't know if you've ever watched someone terrible at their job quit, but we get that beautiful moment here in the movie. She's like, here's my letter

of resignation and her boss is just like, cool, thank you. Does it, does it, does it say I'm resigning? You don't have to like type out a letter, you can say. I don't have to read it, that's fine. You're bad at your job and I'm glad you're going. I just clearly, I don't know why I'm so hung up on this, but clearly her boss, the whole time has been like, Jenny, you're clearly in bereavement, you should take leave. And she's like, no.

And she's like, Jenny, you can't break the rules by proselytizing to a person in our hospice. No. And then Jenny's like, Jennie, you can't break the rules by proselytizing to a person in our hospice No, and then Jennie's like, I love Jesus. So I'm quitting your stupid job offered you to take leave Okay, it can clearly your friend your friend autumn is dying in like three days You don't you just don't go to work for the next couple weeks. That's all you want some out of hand too We have a lot of good stuff back there. Oh, and then this, this is the worst part of the whole movie. Yes. This is my best worst right here. It's best

worst. This is my best worst. So Marilyn goes into the office, she just heard Jenny Quentin, she's like, so do I get the promotion? She's like, no, we're not doing a promotion at all. No, we got rid of the position that you were automatically about to get because there was no other competition. That doesn't exist anymore though. We just canceled it. Yeah, she literally is like, we really looked at your application on the fine tooth comb and we think that you're just a little black for this role. Seriously. So we're going to just, and I don't get this like, is this weird white supremacist shot in Freud? Like, do the people who this movie is targeting watch?

I see it. Yeah, that's right. She didn't get that promotion. I think some amount of the production team, yes, and some know, and they did, like the boss might as well take out like paint chips and like put them up to her and be like, no, not promotion material. Sorry, but position doesn't exist anymore. It's so rough. paint chips and like put them up to her and be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no They would stood up and clapped. I don't know what happened, we're keeping it. Right, cause it is not an accident that they made this character black and the only black woman in the entire movie, right? Like this was intentional. It's too stark of a contrast to everything else to not notice like the riddig, yes.

I would agree somebody, at least one person involved in this production is aware that enjoyed this crazy racism on purpose. Yes. So bad. And everybody else was like, well, just look the other way like we always do. Yep. Sure. Yikes.

So that happens. Good times. And Jenny's like happy about this for some reason. Like Jenny is so the world. I think we know the reason. So yeah, Jenny goes back to visit Autumn now. And you know, she's off the clock for her job so she can do whatever she wants, but the damn nation clock is ticking so she's

got to inject that Jesus. Oh, and before she says literally anything else, she's like, just got to tell you I quit my job by the way, autumn, in case you didn't already feel horrible enough. I quit my job so I can spend time proselytizing to you. I hope you can carry that guilt on your shoulders. You're the reason I quit my job. This is all about me. This is technically ethical now that I'm forcing this religion on you, just so you know. Right.

Yeah. And she's like literally like through gasping breaths. It's like, why would you do that? That doesn't make any sense. Like, you didn't have to quit your job. She's like, no, I did. You're dying and it's a huge burden on me. So, you know, I quit my job.

So thanks. Yep. Just want you to know this is all your fault. Yeah. Anyways, enough about you. We're thinking about adopting and it's so expensive, am I right? This is so weird. So first she says, okay, but I didn't come here to preach, though.

So don't worry. I'm not going to preach at you. And I run my own, all right, I'm setting the clock for five minutes. She has a maximum five minutes in this movie before she starts preaching again. We'll get there. It's less than five. And then she says very awkwardly, and I guess not realizing it like, yes, so we're thinking about adopting a child for, you know, our upcoming long life together. Ooh. That's bad. Yeah, and then Autumn's like, oh, you can't just have him the old fashioned way. And Jenny's like, so hurt by this.

She's like, oh, you're dying mouth. Oh, shame to me. I would slap you, but it would literally kill you. Yeah, so you'd better spend a few minutes groveling. Yeah. My mouth's dying. Your uterus is already dead. Whatever.

Same thing. So rough. No big deal. You're the worst. If you think about it, not having children is a little like being dead already. Are you technically a woman at this point? Matt Gaetz doesn't think you should be. I guess it's pretty sure you should be on the vote now.

Yeah. That's canon of the United States history. They just stare at each other angrily and silence it black, soft, and the crowd. It's starting. This would be my favorite movie. Yep. But this is when autumn volunteers,

obviously this is a movie they can put whatever they fucking want. Autumn's like, I read your Bible. It's beautiful. And now, you know, Jenny didn't force it on her autumn Reddit because it was there and she loves it. Yeah, because you know what people say when you give them a Bible and they actually read it for the first time, that was good.

Really enjoyed that read. Just one Christian movie I want someone to be like, so I read that Bible. It's super boring. You know how boring that book is? That's crazy boring. Banana, it's just. Also, there's no way that Autumn would have read a Bible

in that state. No. She's so sick. She's so close to death. She's barely able to keep her eyes open. She's so tired. She probably didn't have the strength to hold that big stupid book up. And definitely didn't have the cognitive capacity. Like she's delirious at this point yet. She's reading the Bible

cogently and like making notes in the margins. Yeah, absolutely not. As far as I know, I'm not dying of leukemia. And I've tried to read the Bible completely quote healthy. And no, it doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for her. No, absolutely not. But so I enjoyed this moment, though. So autumn is like, yeah, so I read the Bible. I kind of liked it. And Jenny tries to double down and be like, no, what? You read? I mean, that's that's cool. Whatever. I'm not even a breach, though. So I'm just, I'm just relaxed and hanging up. Matthew 625 says there are lots of earth. I'm not just saying I can. I'm just, I'm just relaxing. I'm hanging up. Matthew 625 says there are lots of earth no matter. I just say, I can highlight it for you specifically. If you'd like me to highlight the page and flip to it.

And I was like, yep, two minutes. It was two minutes. I wrote down five minutes. That was literally two minutes in the movie later. Oh, and the way the scene ends is so good. Cause she's like, okay, fine. At this point, I can't fight you anymore. I'm almost dead.

I have no strength. Just tell me a little bit about why this God is good. And then they cut the scene. Tell me why God is good. It's like, la la la, montage of her singing smart word. La la la la, la la la, those are all really good arguments. The money's going to be Eli like saying an illegal violent crime thing in the middle of her. But it's like, well!

And we're back to the next scene. It's so good. No answer to, tell me a little bit, you know, good stuff about that gott of yours. Cut. It's like one thing, just one thing I can hold on to as I enter into death forever and never come back. Oh, absolutely. I could have scarf, are you saying scarf? Because you have a scarf? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So we cut to the next day because they couldn't think

of anything to say other than the scarf she was looking at on her friend's head. And Jenny's digging a ditch. Like we go straight to, it's kind of like a smash cut to Jenny digging a ditch. And I was straight to, it's kind of like a smash cut to Jenny Dicking a ditch and I was like, is that for Autumn? You actually thought that. We all thought that was Autumn's grave.

I was like, I don't think you're allowed to bury your daughter in the backyard like a family hamster. No, it's so, it's so clear. Like in the last scene, she held up the little crayon treasure map and was like, I'm going to find our treasure. When you have a dying person in one scene and a whole being dug in the next scene, movie language means that person's dead, you're digging them a grave. Yes, absolutely.

No. If you were a real dead person doctor, you would know, because all real dead person doctors dig the graves for their patients. It's actually a nice little ceremony. That's real. So anyway, this whole scene could have been a montage, but it's not. No, it's not.

We get to watch a ditch being created in real time. We get a water break. We watch a water break and then more digging. But she's not digging with a full-size shovel. It's like a weird, like, children shovel. Yup. So it's not digging with a full-size shovel. It's like a weird, like children shovel. Yep. So it's really awkward. We get a under boob sweat correction. Like we watch you like pull out our sports bra and be like, eh, uncomfy. We also get, we get to watch you do that moment that happened to all of us when we decided to dig a hole as a kid's where it's like, oh, this is going to be great.

Shovel number one. Oh, this is going to be great. Shovel number one. Oh, this is gonna be great. Shovel number two. But hard rock. Oh, okay, digging holes is, that's why they use the big machine. Why is my dad some enemy now? I can't rock. What did I do? He didn't know it was there either. It's fine.

So we get more digging after that. It's forever. It's so long. And then finally a phone call happens. Marilyn is calling Jenny to say, hey, I'm, you know, the hospice nurse at Autumn's house. Autumn has finally passed away. Yeah.

But apparently she just showed up to watch the, the paramedics bring out the body in a body bag. And it's a weird moment. I do not know why they chose to do this as a movie, but everyone just sort of stands there totally dead faced, watching them load autumn into the car. And when they close the door, all the actors start sad acting. Like, literally, it's like, good chunk. And they all like, we watched them beforehand just being like, that's a nice weather we're having. You know, so like sunny, but what kind of casters do you have on the thing? Yeah. Why? I think this is like the most realistic part of this movie.

It's so part of our like gross, weird Western culture that the minute somebody dies, we gotta get that corpse out quick. Yeah. Like, they don't even wait for Jenny, her best friend who's been with her, you know, the whole time to like show up and say her goodbyes.

They like zip it up. They call the second she's like, she's still warm and they call to get the body removed Which a lot of people do and I think that's really weird and not healthy and not good for us like we should be mourning The death and allowing the body to stay with us and being close to the body and this is why they're crying While it's getting loaded into the car and they haven't before because they got her out so fast They couldn't even mourn. Oh, they think it's just like demon meat now. We got to get rid of it.

Yes. Speaking on behalf of the ignorant West, I think it's because most of us think bodies start to rot immediately after some time. They start to rot the meat the moment you get born. We're running the whole time. But my concern would be like, oh, you can't leave her there all afternoon. She'll swell up like a bad bag of boop. Oh, meatballs, you're lifting the bag of the truck.

And a lot of people don't understand property laws around bodies, because bodies are quasi property. It's very complicated, but there's a wonderful woman named Caitlin Doty, if you've never read her books. They'll watch her YouTube channel. She's a mortician who teaches people about this stuff so that they're not so confused. But you're right.

A lot of people think that the same bacteria and germs that cause a body to decompose will physically make you sick. So they think it's not healthy to be around a dead body, but that's not true. No. Also, they're probably overwhelmed by the urge to slap it. Only Eli Bosn. Oh, it's just me. I'm the only one who goes to awake wake and he is overwhelmed with the fear that you're going

to slap the person in the open casket. Slap that corpse. I feel like I want to tickle it just in case it has a reaction. Exactly. A litter, I've been to two open casket wakes in the entire time. My only thought has been don't hit the body. Don't run up there and slap the body, don't run up there and scratch the body.

Don't we get hurt? Run up there. Are you batting a thousand on not slapping the body? I am, I am so far batting a thousand on not slapping you up. I did not think a thousand was gonna be the number. Okay, so that happens. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is my favorite part, this is my favorite part.

So the corpse is coming out, she's in the body bag, they're loading her up in the herds. Jenny shows up just in time to watch that. The parents break down and start crying. Autumn's mom is hugging Autumn's dad. Jenny's mom walks up behind them and just kind of keeps a distance, like a healthy, respectful distance because this is not her child who just died. But Jenny literally prize her way into their parent.

Yeah. Did you guys see that? She like, she like rips their arms apart and puts herself in between them like, okay, this is about me again. We grab big hands to start a threesome. Yeah, she cuts in like it's a tango. Yes. Excuse me.

I'm just really going through a lot right now. I know your daughter's dead, but I just really, this is start for me. I need you to comfort me right now, please, if you could do that. Now we're at the funeral, we cut to the funeral, where Jenny is giving the ulygy. No, no, no, before this something very important happens. She brings the full-scaled. No, not even that. Before that, she's in bed writing the ulygy. Yeah.

And her husband slides in next to her and is like, what should you do? And I'm clearly writing my dead friend's eulogy. I hate you so much. And then he's like, hmm, what's new in your life? And she's like, oh, I quit my job. And he's like, finally, like a proper Christian woman. You can stay home and make me pizza and do the dishes.

Our life is going gonna be awesome now. Thank you. That actually happened verbatim. Yep, sure does. He's also very clearly trying to turn this into sexy time. Right, like he like runs his fingers up her leg. Hey, what are you doing writing Autumn's Eulogy? But kind of Eulogy, I can't say sexy, I can't say sexy.

I love Eulogy. I can't say I love you. So all that happens. And now we're at the funeral where Jenny's going to give the eulogy. And you know, it's a great time to proselytize when somebody doesn't want it after they die. So that's what she's going to do. Oh, sure, they can't say anything about it. But of course, first, she has to chuck the fucking fool's gold into the, into the casket. The open casket. We're so weird. Why do we do open casket? Are you supposed to put stuff in the open casket like a fucking times capsule? I can. You're not supposed to put stuff and you're not supposed to hit them. No, you can. You can bury things in the kitchen.

You can't hit the random stuff in there if you want. Of course, if you can't, you can. You can bury them. You can't hit them. Random stuff in there if you want. Of course, if you can't. You're not if you're like a weird stranger. Like you're not going to like chuck your empty Doritos back in there. Actually, that's a great place to do it. Self-smile container. Better that than a dump.

But like, I think the worst weirder is that we're a culture that dresses up dead bodies like they're not dead. Like they put her in the wig. They added a bunch of makeup, they made her look not sick, so that people can look at her like a doll. That's super weird. That's super weird. Jews don't do that fun fact. Yeah, because that's healthier.

Open casket is not the thing. No, they put you in like a plain pine box and they're like, everybody back up. Right. And then the Shiva tradition makes a lot of sense to me, actually, in comparison. Yeah. Yeah. And so here's the part where she's like,

putting the fulls gold in the casket, and then I think the mom comes up and gives her the Bible that she had scribbled in and says, look, you actually affected her in her dying days and she like, I guess was converted. And Jenny says this, you don't know how much I needed that. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And by the way, her friend did not write like,

I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Her friend basically wrote, have a nice summer in her Bible. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, like Autumn's mom might as well come over and be like, I, the atheist mom have a concession statement to make. This is a new, I found that Bible she loved. It made her death from leukemia so much better.

No, the fuck it didn't. And then Jenny's like, my narcissism is so swole right now. So swoked turquid. My narcissism is tur swole right now. So, so tortured. My narcissism is turgid in this moment. And then she does the ulaji and oh my god, this ulaji eats the work. She literally begins it with, hey everyone,

exact words. I wrote my notes, oh, I'm sorry, did the person before her use what up, what up? Yeah, yeah, it's basically a podcast, it's awesome. Keep it going for the ula up what up. Yeah, yeah, it's basically a podcast. It's awesome. Keep it going for the Eulogy. Yeah. Who's drinking?

Have you ever had a smart friend who's made of honor is an idiot and you don't know why, but they're allowed to give a speech at a wedding. It's the Eulogy version of that. That's rough, right? It's like, and now Karen's childhood best friend Candace, who's wearing juicy sweatpants, who's sweating, is going to come up and talk about stuff before her husband is escorted out by the cops. And by the way, this is not a gendered thing because this also happens when the groom's

best man is a fucking more off-packs. And he gets up and makes a bunch of really off-colored jokes about the groom's best man is a fucking more I'm sure and he gets up and makes a bunch of really off-color jokes about the groom's sexual percoli Yeah, exactly everyone has their own role to play and the groom's best man's job is always to be like one time He cheated on her. Yeah, I killed it that wedding car. I told you that story in confidence Was amazing whatever Kara if you're asking us to be your co-mates of honor, the answer is yes. So anyway, Jenny's Eulogy really drives home the point.

Okay, Jenny's Eulogy included her establishing for the fact that she's the best friend of the dead person during the Eulogy. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Ford to that. The first four sentences of the E person during the ULG. Oh, for sure. Yeah. For the sentence, the first four sentences of the ULG are entirely about Jenny. Yeah. For sure.

I'm her best friend. She might as well be like, looking at you, Megan, right there. I mean, you can't repent over to Megan. She's just shaking her head back and forth. Yeah. Literally, her entire ULG is, I'm Jenny. I'm the best and this movie's about me and Autumn's entire existence served to make me a better Christian. We all get that right. That's the whole thing. That's the movie. She talks like that for a while and then she finally

realizes like I should probably say something about autumn. Autumn was nice. She had, we were in teeth early teeth. Yep. Who said teeth? That's a great one. Thanks. Just shout him out of you think of him. I'm having trouble.

Who's drinking tonight? Yes. I'm drinking. She had, and this is actually what she says. She had great fine motor skill. Oh, yeah, she does say that. That's the combo for the dead person for whom you are reading a eulogy. This is why you need your spouse to speak,

because otherwise Jen is up there talking about your find motor skill. Listen, my mom's gonna outlive me and she's gonna give a great eulogy. Yeah. I have a good plan. Yeah. Otherwise, like, it's Latinx gonna get up there

and be like, I have some thoughts on the federal reserve. I feel like honestly the two of them who are both probably gonna outlive me will have they'll do a fun roast of me as a Eulogy the two of them tandem. That'd be a good time. Eli, if you want to get on that, let's let's go ahead and pretend you're a lot. We don't have to pretend that you're gonna. Okay, I didn't want to say, that. Let's let's go ahead and pretend you're a lot to pretend that you're okay. I didn't I didn't want to say but yeah okay. Do you have a gun to your head? Because I'm not gonna help you. Jesus Christ. So the next day the eulogy is over. Jenny gets a call.

This doesn't make any sense. This is the okay. So the movie's over but they decided to have one more scene for no reason. Jenny gets a call from a bank and somebody left her some money, but it's not autumn. It's her dad. Yeah, remember her dad who never went to heaven because he was a bad dude, but planted the full school just to make her happy and then left her a shitload of money. That terrible dad. Oh, was that a metaphor? The full school.

This is real gold now. Oh, yeah, because dad is real gold now. Oh. Yeah, because dad is a good guy. Yeah, what? Like, it's just like, again, they see it, right? Like, they see the irony. I don't know. All I wrote was, I have no comment on this stupid Coda.

This is a unnecessary scene. And I hate this movie. I hate it. But that's it. That's the whole thing. So they like like go to the bank, her and Todd, and they get money somehow. And then I didn't enjoy this moment. She's like, do we hug it out with the bank manager?

I'm doing it in the money. She does like it. She gives them like a tap tap hug. Like a y'all can like an ass out hug. She definitely goes for a Christian camp side hug with the bank manager. And he's like, you don't have to do that. I work here. This is weird. I have to, I have to tell a lot of people this.

We don't hug now. Yeah. I guess this, they literally wrote this scene to tie up the loose end of their two poor for a baby. That's the point of the scene. Yep. Cause while the Christian movie audience was cheering for the Maryland scene, the all of their hands were raised for like, but she didn't have no baby by the end. You got to face that. Yeah, we need to get her into head then. Not gonna happen without a baby.

Nope. Okay, and that's, that's then the movie. Like I, I thought something else had to be about to happen, but no, that's it. Was there a moral of the story? Like, I felt like maybe the movie forgot to do their moral or did they think they did it? Was there a moral? Racism, yes. Merrill and no. Hat, scarf, head. Okay. Make your spouse speak at your funeral. There you go.

Unintended moral. All right. I think that's going to do it for redemption way, but we did find another God off the movie for next week. So Eli, what's on deck? We'll be watching Wednesday morning breakfast club. It's the story of nicely describing old people no matter how bad shit or boring they happen to be. Yeah, that's very accurate. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 347 to a merciful close. As always, big thanks to Kara for joining us. Kara, anything coming up you wanted to announce

or like any grand proclamations you wanna make, any indefensible hot takes, anything. Ooh, you wanna tell us in right now. Yeah, I'm sure you'd love that. I'm rocking my headphones right now. Keep my head down. I'm going to keep working on this PhD. I got about a year left so you can call me doctor soon, but not that kind of doctor.

Okay. Get it through your skulls. Dentist. Kind of doctor. DDS. Zach Morris headphones. Got it. PhD.

He did, did he, doctor, right? Isn't the V doctor at farms suitable dentist? you can call me doctor Santa Maria in about a year But doctor dental philosophy doctor of philosophy your clinical clinical psychology That's the the answer is they it's your son real doctor. You're the search and of course big thanks to our If it helps work the show you make a episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And I'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out by leaving us good reviews. And by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if

you enjoyed the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist citation needed the skeptic rat and D&D minus available in all the podcast places. I believe citation needed was mentioned in good house keeping recently. It sure was 25 comedy podcasts Granted 24 of 25 They were not in order. I think they were just random order. I'm pretty sure they were in random order Or they think we're funnier than wait wait don't tell me either way

It's probably both what if you have questions, comments, or cinematics, suggestions, you can email Godoffelmovesatgmail.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, a theme song that's written and performed by Ryan Slannick, evil drafts on Mars, who might do my eulogy. All of the music that was written

and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Cara Santa Maria and Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathen Wright, brought us into work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House close. Jenny and her creepy husband adopted the perfect accessory for her massive head, but then

sometimes it cried him shit. How could it do that to her? No fair. No fair. leukemia have done living its best life. Autumn burned in hell with Jenny's dad forever and ever for all eternity. There's the moral.

That's the moral. That's the moral. You got it. Lake of fire nailed it. The shittiest you were like you were gonna count out three two too late now. We're already recording. Is there really recording? Goddamn it. Come is all ready all over our audience What So correct premature

Jesus. Yes, that's what he's trying to say. Yeah. Sorry. Let's keep it professional. That's my my mistake Correct the proceeding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2022. All rights reserved my mistake.