God Awful Movies - 348: The Wednesday Morning Breakfast Club

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

This week, we watch old people eat. --- Get tickets for our live show in Toronto here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-toronto-tickets-294592011637 If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

But the stories they've chosen are so fucking bizarre and banal and insane. They have to be real. The only possible way that this exists is that these old guys were like, well I've actually got a great and very, very funny story. And the fucking POSCOVHUMEN who wrote this was like, tell me about the time you and your friends went roller skating and then didn't. For 12 minutes. PLEASE! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be friend Heath and right heath welcome back. Thanks Noah. And sitting 900 miles to my north east is my bad friend Eli Bostic Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir?

Well, I'll tell you Noah. Mouth noises. Tell me about your goiter or something. Yeah. What goiter? That oh that right there. That the big thing. I didn't even tell me about it though. Tell us what will we be breaking down today? We watched Wednesday morning breakfast club. It's the story of, no, it's not. It's not the story of anything. It's not. It's not. I can't do my bit about it's a story of it's not. Nothing happens in the movie. Uh, strong, strong opposition. All right, so Eli, tell us in opposition, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you wish those kids would get off your lawn and write a screenplay about how valuable and interesting you are, you will love this movie. It's a last minute what I did last summer essay. The movie. Yes. Yes. Oh my God. That's perfect. All right. So I have a weird reference that kept occurring to me during this movie. Bear with me here. In the classic 80s sitcom Cheers, Sam Malone played by Ted Danson. Once got a job as a sportscaster, but he wasn't very good at it. That was the whole plot of the episode. But all his friends, then we would ask how he did. And they would be like,

Oh, it was, it was great, man. So he turns to cynical waitress Carl upplayed by a reaper woman. And he asks how he really did. And she answers, and I quote, it was like watching old people eat. Right. The comedy writers in 1980, whenever locked that out as an absolute comic How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? people eat. Yeah, that sucks. But like they did it in slow. Everything happened in slow motion. It was worse than that somehow. Right. It's so bad. Well, we end we want us to meet over and over again. Yeah. Through the eyes of an idiot, through the eyes of someone you unmatched with on Tinder and considered leading the app. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst prayer getting answered. So it's technically a Christian movie. There's some Christian bullshit in there for a couple of moments. One of those moments, somebody's doing a little bit of Christian apologetics. The context is the Holocaust. We'll get there.

And so already you're doing apologetics for the God is the Holocaust. We'll get there. And so already you're doing apologetics for the God of the universe and the context is the Holocaust. You're not gonna win this one. Problematic. But the prayer that gets answered is like, the Holocaust has happened as really bad. And my mom, she prayed to Jesus Christ

and the miracle that happened was like, not the Holocaust stopping. No, it was like some little low-level thing within it that like one person, some specific kind of bad thing didn't happen, but everybody, the Holocaust was still happening. Yeah, to be clear, and we'll talk about this in a second. What mom prayed for was for her child, not to be drafted into the bad guy side of the Holocaust.

Yep. Not to not get Holocaust, but not to have to Holocaust. So. Lord works in mysterious ways. So I was going to go with best worst compliment. All right. So this whole movie, there's these old guys and as seen through the eyes of their waitress and one of the guys keeps offering up these goddamn, you know, big, bad wolfian compliments to her the whole time, you know, every time he opens his mouth it's to say it's to compliment some ever creepier aspect of this And that is all that character will do until he literally died.

You're right. I thought he was nice. I thought he was being nice. They could have laid a tasteless blowjob themed t-shirt on that chair and then swept it away in between scenes and it would have done the exact same thing as that guy did in this movie. And I of course, I'm going to go with best worst hard right turn because I was watching this movie and I watched it before knowing Heath and I was like,

ah, you know, nothing's happening in this movie. Is it really worth doing? Because it's just sort of like a bonk, a bonk, a bassoon comedy about how old people are exist. Really quick. I'll answer for you. No, it's not. No, it was. But then, but then 30 minutes in, someone goes into a fucking fugestate for 11 straight minutes, like the fucking cupcake dog meme, and I knew this needed to be on our podcast. Okay, the old guy in the fugestate first, I actually laughed for a while because I was like, this is funny if he keeps going and he kept, it's the best. He just kept going.

Yeah. The editorial at the end was like, it started off with misdirected holocross prayers, but then when he gets to the editorial section, it's even worse. And then, and then again, we'll discuss it. The movie just goes right back to bassoon college. The movie is never like, hey man, what the fuck was that? You can't say Holocaust and then have a bassoon anytime. No, you have to space that out just, you're the soundtrack wise.

All right. And who knows that? Well, we've got a 48 minute movie where nothing ever happens. So we're gonna pad the run time with a skit here, but we'll shuffle our way back soon with all the elderlying that is the Wednesday morning breakfast club. I don't feel anything. Reach deeper. I'm trying my arm hurts. Hey guys, what are you doing with the couch? If you guys are doing that, thing again, Lucinda is going to kill you. No, no, no, no, we're trying to save some money, and you know, what better way to scrape up some extra cash

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Cut your wireless build a 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash cam. All right. I guess we actually won't be needing this then. I'm sorry. Is that a debt? Is that a gold bar? Yeah. You know, just in case, just in case, exactly. How many of those do you have? I mean not, not a lot. No, not in bar form at least. Right. I feel like, but you know what, never mind. Never mind, exactly.

Did you try baking soda and vinegar? No, does that work on red wine? I think so, maybe it's a salt, you can do a salt. Hey guys. Hey, Steve, man, what's the matter? You guys are gonna want to sit down. I don't know how to tell you this, but my grandpa died.

Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that, man. Yeah, me too. Don't insist. Yeah, you guys remember him, right? I think so. He was watching TV once when we came to pick Yop, right? He was just kinda sitting there. Yeah, classic grabs.

He was just so quirky. Quirky, quirky, cause he liked TV. Dude, the quirk, too. So, yeah, no, sorry, yeah, no, quirky, obviously. Yes, yeah. Oh, and guys, he told the best stories. Like, like, did you guys know that when he was a kid, there was World War II?

Oh, yeah. I mean, there would have to be based on age. That was when that happened. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry, did he have stories from the war? No, no, just that, like it happened.

Mm-hmm. Anyways, I was thinking, I know we're playing on a making this movie about Dave's trip to Europe and his relationship with his dad But what have we made it about like old people and how little we appreciate them while they're here? Well, I mean, don't you guys think that's like a super important message? So don't take this the wrong way, but old people suck. Suck, yes.

What? No, they don't. I mean, statistically, yeah, they do. Some don't, but a lot do. Like they're more conservative on average, more racist. They're worse parents. They're less educated. They're less kind to other people.

People, partners. Yeah. So the list really goes on. It's a lot. Point is, I know you missed your grandpa, obviously, but I'm worried that a movie about how great old people are. It's going to be wildly dishonest at worst and boring blindness at best. What if I buy the beer? No, I mean, we got to pay tribute to such a great band. That means it's important. It's important.

Greatest generation. So, what TV did he like? He mostly just stared at it in a fugue state. Got... Yikes. Okay, dude. I mean, Yikes. Yikes.

Story of him... Yikes, that story is so... God, we'll tell it. Yup. And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up by watching a trio of old men shuffle their way downtown. Yup. It's so slow, everything. They have old guy walking, old guy look at newspaper and apparently that was all the

old guy's space work they could think of because third old guy is just walking slow-ish and trying his absolute hardest not to look directly to the camera. That'll be something of a running theme here. Yeah, it says a lot about this movie. Like it's 48 minutes long and the first three minutes of it are literally just these old men all working their way towards these benches. Yeah, it's so slow. Like no exaggeration. It's three minutes of this. My notes are old guy walking and then I wrote judgy because I think I felt I was mad that like, I'll probably walk like that

like soon. It's like this movie's being judgy. But old guy walking, old guy sitting, old guy walking, other old guy walking. Yep. Old waved to each other from far away. We watched them walk to each other. They shake hands and then they do them walk together for even longer. I was like, is this a prank? Like did Eli make this movie somehow? This is like, this is the schedule?

A joke that like somebody played on Peter Jackson or something. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of Peter Jackson, the music cue here is Sam Carrey's Frodo those last few steps. It really is. Yeah. A weird contrast to old guys just walking around.

Also, I can't help but feel like the chamber of commerce gave him a few bucks towards the making of this movie provided that they put in a long shot of the fountain and all the lovely benches that they put in last year. Got a chocolate cafe now. Make sure you get in the chocolate cafe for at least a sizeable percentage of your movie. Just old guys start pushing boulders up hills and then right all the back down again. Again, there's so many things we're like, if they had just kept doing what they were doing for, you know, a bit longer, it became super funny, but they didn't know they did. They never became to do what they think is a movie.

But again, to be super clear, six percent of this movie is these old guys walking at the beginning. And that's I'm not even subtracting out credits when I do that. No, that's like, yeah, the amount of Americans that voted for D's nuts in 2016 and the percentage of this movie that is all that walking. All right, equivalent. Yeah, you know, you know, we voted for is Amy Coney Barrett when you voted for these months.

Good job. Great job with that. Congrats. Yeah, you know, you know who he voted for is Amy Coney Barrett when you vote for these ones. Good job. Great job with that. Congrats. So at length, we're going to meet our narrator Megan, right? So Megan is a 19 year old girl who's on her way to a job interview when we first see her. Okay.

Look, I'm not worried that my sister will ever listen to this podcast because she's going to give a fuck. But this narrator writes and sounds exactly like my sister writing. Interesting. Like, it is terrifyingly similar in that no two sentences are connected and every turn of phrase is used incorrectly so that it feels like aliens are imitating someone

through a robot. Yeah, look at whatever first lines is, I had a job interview and it couldn't have come sooner. Right, like she met soon enough, right? I mean, also like could have. I mean, you could have had it yesterday. It would have been way better in fact that it comes sooner. Well, I don't know, she says, I'm late

and I'm like, oh, that must be why I couldn't have come sooner. Yeah. We also learned that she drives Heath's car here, which is very exciting. Yep. Okay. Okay. A lot of stuff about the, I wrote the word, Judgy in my notes a lot.

Fred Flintstone passes this lady on the right, flips her the bird. Yes. I might as well pass her on the right. It's really bad. Yeah, really bad. Right. But we learned that. Yeah, really bad. Right. But we learned that she lost her last job. No fault of her own.

Wasn't her fault. Stupid fucking manager mismanaged the fucking place and it went out of business. Literally that sentence is more interesting than the rest of the entire movie. Right. Because there's some mystery there and yeah, but she lost her job. Now she needs another one because she's stuck eating crackers and jelly. I hope not together. Okay. Uh, Again, Judgy. You know, in the movie

Clear. You know, like crackers. It was crackers and saltines. That's a delightful snack or meal or you know, all right in between those things The food that you eat and I have to point this out too right because along the way she's late and she gets stuck behind an old person, right? And the reason is because this movie's supposed to like, she's supposed to have this old people or such an inconvenience attitude at the beginning, but they didn't really develop it. So it's just a very long scene of her passing some old lady on a road. Right. We watched this judgy old lady get passed for quite a while here.

Well, what's very clear is they were like, Hey, Margaret's mom, will you be the old lady? And she was like, Sure, you won't be going fast in the cars, will you? She's going to need to pass you. No, no, no, no. If we're going to do this so-called passing scene, we'll do it at eight miles an hour. Okay. But are you going to speed up when she starts to actually pass me like the asshole people who always do that? And they were going super slow and then they try to speed up because they're mad that they were getting past.

Is that what's going to happen? I literally just drove away in my car while you were asking. And then there's also so her car is supposed to like run out of gas at this point, but they're not going to actually run a car out of gas. So they just have her come to a stop while they ADR in bad engine noises. Pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, Okay, that's dying in the game. No, it's like it lost a life. It's a fact that writes it. This movie's pretty sure Bassoon means comedy. But like, they don't nail Bassoon comedy notes.

They just like stole one from the high school. So whenever anything stops happening, it's like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, no, it's like, if it can't be solved with the Bassoon soundtrack, well then dammit, they're gonna have to break out the piccolo. Yeah, that is the entire soundtrack of this. It was like the bassoon somehow had a question mark after a note. Yep. It was like Yeah, so she has to run the last few blocks to her interview to cartoon sound effects and damn it herself

Phone also won't work so she can't call. Yeah. Oh, and she's locked her keys in her car. Ah, just keeps getting worse. And her dress gets caught in a lawn mower. And gravity stops working. Also.

Right. Also, I have to put this out. As she's running to the restaurant, there's this moment where a car almost hits her, right? And she has to like, swerve around it. It's like pulling out as she runs by. I guarantee that that was not a planned event. Nope. Way too realistic looking.

Car got way too close. Because she's terrified. Oh, yeah. And when she dodges it, she then looks into the camera like, oh, are we cutting? No, all right. I can't get this. I'm a professional. I said that out loud.

We're rolling. Tuck and roll. So yeah, so she hustles her way to the restaurant. This is where we're going to meet Virgil, the restaurant's owner. He's going to interview her. Okay. Have you ever seen the Iceman documentaries where they interview that famous hitman who's obviously a psychopath and he just lazily explains cutting off

people's head with a hacksaw. Oh, you mean Virgil the restaurant owner? Yeah. That is Virgil the restaurant owner. If you told me this is what the iceman did right before those interviews as like a wacky fun prank, I'd be like, okay, yeah, I'm sure. Any chance the Iceman was a very literal Nazi because I have a question about what happens next in the movie.

Oh, why would you have that question, he'd, okay, so this man Virgil, who may or may not be a Nazi hitman, he has on his restaurant wall something called Kathy's clean plate club. There's, you know, like, you know, this wall restaurant things where it's like, oh, you know, they ate the like 200 pound steak or whatever. He has the Kathy's clean plate club. It's spelled Kathy with a K. So, okay, clean with a K club with a K. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You get one K. You get one.

Just to be safe, you don't do two even and they've done three. It's K K. Also, and I know that the racism dog whistle was probably more important, but why put up a hole like these guys even managed to eat all of our crap? Hictures on your wall, really because speak well of your food. No, it doesn't. It also doesn't speak of a

challenge. It speaks more of like bad attitudes towards eating for children. Yeah. Right. Because if it's like the burger monster, it's like, okay, I get it. America's broken in your participating. But the clean plate cup just seems like my grandmother giving me a low-key eating disorder at the age of nine. Just like, I ate all the food so you love me now. But are we saying that's like how did you earn love then if you were a kid? Yeah, right. Well, that is.

Well, I'll tell you, I never associated food with positive emotions again. You eat all the food and you win a sport and then your parents love you. I'm confused by it's very judgey everything that's happening so far. I don't understand my childhood. What? I also have to point out Virgil's interview here, right? So he's going to interview her. He's going to ask her three questions, or sorry, four questions, three of which will be clarifying things that she has written on her application. And then he's like, yeah, I think you'll be fine.

He conducts this interview as though there are two other gunmen getting into position for an assassination while they talk. Right, and he's got to cue them to make sure that they know when the guy is on the street or something. Yeah. Sorry, are you taking out an umbrella indoors? I just was checking the the shaft on it. So it works later. Works fine. Yeah, so you were a waitress cool. Do you do any weather? Sorry, did I do any weather? Great, you're hired.

Chris, thank you. Don't hang around the dumpster at night. Okay. I use it for stuff. And then of course, because we need a comedy beat at the end, she goes to leave and she's like, oh, do you have a spare gallon of gas and a spare, this is it, I'm just writing down the words that she fucking said, do you have a spare gallon of gas and a spare wire hanger to spare? Okay.

Was there a sale on the word spare? If somebody asks that, just get it's bad. You something's gone wrong. Something is gone wrong in your life. People are asking you that. Oh, so like I get that they're going for comedy, but what? I wanted him to be like, I actually do have a gallon of gas right here. You need to do a back alley abortion and then burn the evidence.

I get it. That's even if he pulls out a gallon of gas and a wire hanger like taped to the side of the gas can. Oh, it's like, oh, I get to abortion. Is this an abortion? I don't want it now. You need emergency kit B is what you're saying. What's, what's A?

All right. So it's, it's the next day and, and she's at work now. She's waitress in a way at this diner. And the other waitress, this is Martha, her, her coworker, is very upset because dammit if those old fuckers that come in every Wednesday morning aren't back for their breakfast again. Yeah. She's like, oh, they're always complaining about everything. The food's too cold. They are in pain. You know, the usual. Yeah, they're always complaining. She's like, oh, they don't like the food. She's like, oh, no, most mostly about their arthritis and their knees and shit. They don't like the food. It's like, oh, no, most of them mostly about their arthritis

and their knees and shit. It's, of course, what she doesn't say is they don't tip for shit, which is what she should have warned them, but because she doesn't say that, Megan's like, oh, I'll take the table of shitty old people. That's just a rookie mistake. We all know they were tipping fucking 10 cents. There's no, you look, just come on, come on.

So she walks over there to the table. She's mid-good morning and one of the guys is like, I need a question for my ass. Honestly, I would say this is a silly comedy beat, but I cannot tell you how many old people in my short, short, tragic times of server asked me for a cushion for their chair. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, look, if you need a cushion for your ass, you have to carry one with you, right? I was once asked for our rests for a chair. I think about that three times a day. You were, sorry, yep, you were asked to install, like do construction of armrests. And it was it, here's the thing, I barely have any memories of my past on father, but I remember this vividly because they think about it three times a day. He said, do you have any armrests for this chair? He didn't even say, do you have a chair with armrest?

He said, do you have any armrests for this chair? As though I was going to reach behind me like, fucking daredevil and be like, oh, these click clack. I have, I have armrests for other chairs that don't get you're going to have to put your arms somewhere. I don't know what to tell you. So yeah, and of course they're doing all the classic terrible, well, actually, they're not right. The writers going for all the classical terrible customer things, but you can only think of one, right? So they start ordering before she's even there and stuff. And then, oh, and of course, we have to get the, this guy's old. So he can't hear very well, guy, 37 times. genuinely. I made it through this movie going the only reason to make it through this

movie is that I know Heath is also about to watch this movie and had to watch this movie and watch this guy cap and oh, I was and oh, curious. For most of this, curious. So many days of my life being a bartender in a way, you're the word everybody who's not the best at restaurants should not go to restaurants. You're the worst. It's like you're, you don't get along with dogs. It's worse than that, not being cool at a restaurant. I hope you die. And also like the writer isn't good enough to pull

off this guy because it's tired as it is. You can still get away with the old guy keeps mishearing what you're saying, gag. If you're clever enough to think of, you know, reasonable and funny misunderstandings, but it's always a something that sounds nothing like what she just said and be something that would be bat shit Fucking crazy for him to think she just said They're writing both sides So you can set him up the thing that like that rhymes that works because you got to write the beginning and Yep, but they couldn't figure out any of it lineup. It's it's

Sad. So yeah, so you've got Ricky is the old guy that can't hear you get high and Rick who is the old Nazi We'll get to him later and I'd ever caught the third guy's name But he's the one who starts giving her creepy compliments at this point in the movie, right? You've got beautiful Teeth what yeah, that's like a top 10 creepiest possible at this point in the movie, right? You've got beautiful teeth. What? Yeah. That's like a top 10 creepiest possible compliments. We're getting super judgy again.

I feel like this is just a nice old man who is like, I like your teeth. What is that? So, okay, no, I'm like, I heard myself say it, but like, I've had it. Now I'm gonna explore in Arbor and be like, hey, do you have a teeth guy? And they'll be like, oh, the teeth, you're looking for the teeth guy.

Point to a hand drawn. Nobody calls me the teeth guy. That's not. Do it while you're not around. No, they call you teeth. That's what they call the teeth. Yeah. So she goes back, she goes back to commiserate with the other waitress.

And she's like, oh, they sure are running me ragged, asking me two entire questions. Do we have cushions? It's like, oh, we don't have, we don't have cushion, we don't, there aren't arm rests for that chair, no. But they do, they have a cushion. Yeah, oh, they do find a cushion, don't they? Okay, but the way that line gets delivered

is Virgil, the restaurant owner. He walks to an ex on the floor of their set. He stops. He looks at the X. He shuffles a little bit further up the left. And then he looks at the camera. And he's like, a cushion for what? You, uh, it's employee. And and that it's so good. It takes, he shuffles, it's the best. Yeah. Yeah. And then of course, Ricky doesn't like his coffee.

It's not hot enough to just go nuke it. We watch all of this. Of course, it's to bassoon. So it must be hilarious. You know it's comedy. Right. And then they go for a comedy figure, but it's more eldritch horror. She brings in the coffee. She's not careful. It's really hot. And this actor just shugs

the not hot coffee, but I thought he was just going to be like, look, burning makes me feel alive. It's the old thing. I don't fit the character better. Blood starts to pour out of his eyes. Oh, God. So, yeah. So we do a time cut, but it's just to them eating breakfast and talking about generic old guys stuff. Oh God. Oh God. It's just they didn't write them lines. Look, these are fictional old men. They could be Captain America and the red skeleton if you want them to, but they're just like, oh, during the war, there was less food than now. Indeed there was. Yep.

Yeah, that's the conversation they're having. So we cut to them leaving. She goes to clean off the table and dammit, they've left her a 15 cent tip. Right, oh my God. Which this movie will treat like, oh, beans instead of fuck those people they can literally never walk into the rest. No, no, no, no, don't you play a bassoon right now? Don't you fucking play a bassoon?

A 50 you there need to be real consequences. Right. No, this needs to be the fucking John Wicks dog. I've just got killed. No, the fucking Will Smith needs to show up and deal with you for 15 cent tips. This is ridiculous. Oh, God, you know, my, my notes, I'm like, like, they're old, at least they'll die soon, I guess. Jesus.

But again, the movie is just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, or whatever. It's literally nothing these guys could do or go through for the rest of the movie will redeem them. We watch a man like die in the midst of aphasia in this movie and I was like, that's okay. He only did five cents. That's right. Yeah. Cause they only each left a neck or yeah. 15 cents is literally a challenge to a fist fight. Yep. If I left a 15 cent tip, I would expect I would hope

to be followed to the parking lot for a fist fight. But but she doesn't feel this way. She thinks that they were such a delight just now with their 15 cent tip that they should prepare their food for them in advance, like fucking servants to an unfair tyrant Lord. Yes. Yeah, exactly. We cut to the restaurants tyrant lord. Yes, yeah, exactly. We cut to the restaurant's closing that night. So she's leaving. No, we established at the interview

that she went into work at 7 a.m. It's dark out now, right? So they're leaving that night after her 13 hour shift or whatever and she's like, Hey, Virgil, I have this great idea where we can just make their food in advance and the instant they show up, we can give it to them and he's like, yes, sure, man, why not?

Yeah. Yes. Okay. Three clear. She's saying she wants the restaurant to prep like three pancakes, three sausages, a bowl of whipped cream, and some scrambled eggs for the other two guys. That's the special that they order. And have that like pre-made and then sitting under fucking heat lamp for a while, that's revolting.

That's so much worse than just the eight seconds. It's like that's such a quick order to make too. Yeah. That's a five minute order. You know what it is though? It's an excellent reward for a 15 cent tip. Well, that's true. Yeah.

I put this in the ideal conditions for food poisoning. You know. Yeah, fellas. I put this in the ideal conditions for food poisoning. If you walk into a restaurant and they hand you that order right away, don't eat it. That's a horrible idea. No, there should be a poison in that food. So, okay, so then we cut to like the next Wednesday. They're back. If they come in every Wednesday morning, thus the name of the movie. And of course, once again, they come into the fucking soundtrack that goofy fucks to, I guess. And look, I get the formula. They're grumpy old men, but I had their food ready for them. So their hearts opened up, and I learned something that day.

Nope, they just fucking suck still. Yep. Yeah, she's got the fucking cushion ready and she's got the coffee all warmed up for him and now it's too hot. Jesus. Okay, why is the coffee cold? What are you do? What's happening in this restaurant? We're get a coffee machine that keeps the coffee hot on the thing, put it in a samovar and earn. It's so easy. How are you how are you serving cold coffee? Well, and it's funny too, because all of us at this point seem to start to realize that there was never going to be a plot.

Yeah. Right. Like I wrote my notes, oh my god, this is the story of that one time I nailed table six isn't it? And the idea. It sure is. Yeah. And to make them still difficult, right, because she's done all the things for them.

Now, deaf guy goes, his bacon strips are bigger than mine. God damn it. I wrote, you know, they have surgeries for that guy. I just don't know, but. Seriously, if somebody says that, you pick up the bacon from the plate and switch it. With your fucking hands. There you go.

I pick it up with my mouth, and I just hit it on the other plate. You lick my hands so I can grab it like the next page or something. Yeah. All right. Well, if we waited for something to happen, we'd never get a break. So we're going to take one here, but we'll return soon with even more of the Wednesday

morning breakfast club. Okay. I think all I need now is paper towels. I'm good to go. Hey, those are mine. Oh, sorry. You know, okay, cool. I'll just grab this one here then. No, they're all mine.

I need some. I need some more. Sorry, who are you? I'm a part of broken society that apparently just hangs out and grocery stores now. Right. Yeah, okay. You know, between facilitating a bad thinking

at the highest levels of government, living in a constant threat of danger that even I recognize, people like me are just everywhere now. Yeah, okay, that tracks. So any chance I could do my food shopping without feeling with, um, whatever this is, just without this. Well, why don't you try HelloFresh? What's HelloFresh?

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Go to hellofirst.com slash scathing 16 and use code scathing 16 for up to 16 free meals at three free gifts. Okay, so you're saying I go to hellofresh.com slash scathing 16 and I use the code scathing 16 for up to 16 free meals and three gifts. That's right. They're free.

That's right, yeah. Okay, well thanks, I guess person in the grocery store Um, you sure I can't just have one of these before I got it. I just want to go. I need it to fight her off Sorry, sorry what fight who off Hillary Clinton. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that tracks. I thought she might come up. Okay. I'm on the school board. Of course you are I'm on the school board! Of course you are. From the makers of Wednesday Morning Breakfast Club comes a brand new series for those who love a server's worst customers. Did you say grape juice or ape juice?

What? Why would we have ape juice said I hate you and I wish you were dead? First up, this fall, a school play that just wants coffee. We just finished opening night! I played Javair! There's literally nothing I care about less. Order food or I will kill myself in front of you right now. Order now! Javair kills himself. Then, ring in the holidays with boys night out.

The heartwarming story of a 12-top just looking to enjoy some sports as loudly as possible. Sorry, is it possible for us to do 12 separate checks? Absolutely not. You will get one check. We're at a wings down here. Oh, you're talking about, yes, I mean, I see that. Would you like to order more wings? Or are you just telling me that? No.

Hate you. And finally, this spring, join us for the heartwarming tale, couple who came to a public place to break up because they thought it would be easier. How many times did you sleep with their charrild? How many times? Three! Is that what you want to hear?

You heartless bitches! Is that what you want to hear? Hey, hey, cool, yeah, yeah. So you guys ready to hear the specials? For the eighth time, we're not ready yet. Not ready. I hate my life. Pfft. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Ready yet. Not for any hate my life. And we're back for more of this shit and we're gonna rejoin Megan.

She's in college. We haven't mentioned it because it doesn't fucking matter at all in any way to anything ever. Nope. And the writer of this movie doesn't know what college is. No. Exactly. But we do this.

This is the one time it comes and we see her doing her homework late one night on Eli's laptop. Hell yeah. It's so big. It's thick. Yeah, it's girthy. Crazy to think of how big a 2011 laptop looks now. Yeah, it's just four toasters taped together. Zach Morris had a laptop.

Yeah, it's mushed him. Yep. It's real big. Yeah. And of course, we have to see that she's working so hard. And she's collegeing so hard that she's just falling asleep in the middle of her homework. But she falls asleep sitting like in the least realistic position after jogging. Right?

She just sitting straight up in the chair. Her head's like at a tension. Are you sleeping in pike? No, did you say no? Why are you sleeping in bike position? Are you sleeping mid pancake flip? And so and and then we so we see that, you know, just so we know she's still schooling very hard as well. And then we go back to the restaurant. It's another Wednesday and we see her eye shit, you not cutting the strips of bacon to the exact identical length. This, this movie is written by people who compliment waitresses teeth complain about their bacon length and ask for cushions on chairs and think that's reason. Don't complain all those things as if they're all the same. I don't think that's, you're being

judging again. But okay, but on the part of the server at this point, this is pathological. Right. Right. Unless these guys are like gangsters that are liable to shoot her if she gets this wrong, this is a pathological obsession at this point. Right. She's cutting the bacon to equal length with literally with scissors is what she's doing because the guy complained that his bacon was the different size than the other bacon. If I'm this server, I'm going to, so I want to take it a step further. I want to roll, you know, like fruit by the foot, I want to roll you know like fruit by the foot. I want to roll it up like that with like a paper ruler as the paper that the wax paper. So then I like unfurl it and it's like, it's exactly the same size. Oh, I get him tiny ass bacon for the rest of his

fucking life with his 15 cent ass tip. Yeah, I get comically large bacon to the other guy. comically large bacon to the other guy. Yeah. I lay an entire side of a pig on the other guy. So the Flintstone ribs show up a bacon for the other guy. Right. Yeah. No, he gets a fucking clowns bow tie worth a bacon. And the other guy gets a big. And the baking bits in your eye. It's a piece of napkin dyed red.

So the old folks, they come in again and they talk about the good old days. This is the part where they have to address Heinrich's accent. Yeah. So she's like, hey, are you German? And he's like, no, I'm Austrian. You fucking idiot. Yeah.

Fuck you, you suck. Right. It's a different country. Yeah. That's so stupid. European's need to get over that. It's a different country. Yeah. That's so stupid. European's need to get over that. It's a different country shit. Right? Like, that's the difference between Georgia and South Carolina,

Europe and all its fucking countries. Give me a fucking break. No, we know it's a difference between a German and an Austrian accent. The official language is German in both. We all know historically what happened in both. Let's just relax. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's not your fault. in both you we all know historically what happened in both let's just relax yeah oh yeah it's not your fault it was your guy right yeah that's the thing that I've never understood

about this distinction it's not like austria were famous Nazi resided right yes no no no you don't understand we was the austrian know, where he was from and said, willing me joins the actor. Oh, not Hasey Stance from Austria. Is that where that was? Was that what from Austria? Or was that some of us? No. Oh, Austria. You mean that country where the resistance was so fucking rare, they made a musical about the one guy who did it. Was your entire resistance Julie fucking Andrews? Yeah. Get out of here. Also to be clear, what's her name? Megan is the name of the main character that we haven't learned yet in the fucking movie.

It was on her application. He's keep up. Oh, sorry. No, I didn't look at her. I didn't look at her multi-page CD that she literally used to get a job at a diner every frame of picture. Okay, but Megan says to this guy, she hears the accent and she's like, oh, are you from Germany? To be clear, she wanted to hear some German history from a man that she thought was German who very clearly would have been military age around 1940. Yeah. Megan was asked if she wanted that.

She, she asked for that. Megan's, Megan's a Nazi. I like, there's a lot of not. Well, don't be some, tell me some Nazi stores. Yeah. Asked an answered spoiler alert. Okay. Asked an answer. Yeah. I heard myself saying it. And I was like, no, the answer is yes. There's a lot of Nazi stuff in the movie, especially after the clean plate club, Karen. Yeah. So yeah, but she's like, yeah, I, a young person, and very interested in the ramblings of old men. And they're like, oh, great.

Let us tell you some stories. And then the other guy, the creepy compliment guy, compliments her teeth again, and then, just to make it even fucking creepier, he compliments the length of her fingers. This is Buffalo Bill. Could sidle into the shot.

He's like, Hey, man, you're creeping me out. Right. No, I wrote my notes. Like, if he's not a serial killer sewing together a woman at home and sizing her up for parts, I don't understand why this is in the movie. Yeah. The movie tries to explain it away. They're like, he used to be a piano teacher. That's why he commented on the legs of your finger.

Does that make it better? I don't know. Do they think that helped? I feel like they thought that helped. Oh, otherwise that would have been creepy. Cool. Yeah, that's creepy on the sudden. If it's not the context of a piano teacher.

So do you think I have the hands for jazz? Well, and if there was any point to this finger length piano player discussion, it was just so they could all bitch about their arthritis, right? Let me see your finger blisters. I play a song. It's not better. It's not better either way. It's bad. And again, just to show you like how transitions happen in this movie, literally the old guy, the deaf guy stands up and goes, Germany cricket, I have to take a shit in this end. Do you know why? Not because that was written in the script. We go back after, needed to take a shit.

Oh, he ruined the shot and they were like, that's perfect for the shot. Yes. Well, but there was one lingering last little bit that I have to point out in the scene. It wasn't in that shot. But at the end, she walks by the other waitress and she says, Hey, are my teeth pretty? And the other waitress is like, no, your teeth are all fucked up. And she's like, okay, yeah, that's what I thought. All right. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, but that's not what she thought. She thought the 90 year old stripper likes her is what she thought. I have to say.

She's like, my teeth are beautiful, right? The other way she's like, you know, I would have loved a little more uh, on a Martha there, right? Cause she was just real quick with it. Like she was giving her some ketchup or something like, nope, not at all. Oh, no, I, I, I worked with me,

and I fucking get it. It's fucking Megan relax. Your name's Megan. We all know your name's Megan. I'm calling her Megan. So, okay, so then the narration kicks in to tell us where she is in terms of her school work. Yeah, when the fuck could be positively care about that?

Never matters, never makes any sense. Yeah, but it's now, it's another Wednesday. They're coming back in for another breakfast, but Piano teacher long finger compliment guy isn't there. Yeah. He's in the hospital because of his oldness. Yeah. And we get to hear the woodwind section

like try to tone it down in real that. It's like the Suns player like, wind it up, we, wow, wow. Yeah, if a bassoon could say, I mean, it would be here, the sea transition. But yeah, they tell her that he's in the hospital. She's like, oh, it seems so sudden. And I'm like, well, everybody goes into the hospital all at once.

What? I'll sit my legs ahead this week. Yeah, I had the beginning of the month. You get on their website and you sign up for the hospital. It's like a nice restaurant. You get a resident. No. And the question is like, oh, he's in the hospital. It's like a nice restaurant. You get a resident. No, and the question is like,

oh, he's in the hospital, is it bad? No, no, it's a routine hospital stay at age 90. It's a normal thing. Yeah, so we see it go back to the little poison, petri dish that she keeps their food in and set one of the plates aside, right? All sad. And the bassoons are very sure we're

sad about these warm eggs going away sort of. But I could not, this is second only to the Herman Cain award and not caring for me. I wanted so bad for the heathen movie to go and eat that plate. Yeah. Right. So it's just an entire special, right? So he's dead, right? I'm having this. This is, this is, we're up a plate of special breakfast, right? Like we're up on, we're up on, I'm eating this. And then they finally gave at least some context to his weird compliments.

The guy show Megan a picture of piano teacher's wife who died like a year ago, and it turns out that she's got teeth just like Megan's. Oh, he was comparing me to his dead wife. Now it's much less creepy. Well, it's all the more likely that he was trying to sew together a woman back home, yeah. Yeah. Hey, also, why do you have a picture of your buddy's dead wife in your wall? He gave it to me. You're making it weird. Hey, also, why do you have a picture of your buddy's dead wife in your wall?

He gave it to me. You're making it weird. She had really nice fingers. He told me to scope out someone who had exactly 14 and a half inch four arms. And I need to remember. So yeah, but she the narrator comes in says the piano teacher guy never came back because he's old and they die But she visited him in the hospital That's the fucking that is the best hell is that your waitress at your fucking diner shows up to sit by your bedside as You exit consciousness into the fucking boy. What is the dream? That's the dream

That is I I never wrote this movie is probably dead now, because this is a 2013 movie. They were about to die and they were like, this is what I want to happen. I want the fingering waiters that can break this place. He's sitting next to my dying bed and they do. Well, and it's so fucked up because she even says, I don't think he recognized me. What the fuck are you doing this? Sounds like you could just skip that then. If I woke up in the hospital and I turned

and the waitress of the restaurant that I go to once a week was sitting there by my bedside. Yeah, I wouldn't recognize her either. Yeah, I'd be like, I don't know who the fuck you are, but just in case you're a waitress, in case you're a server, why is he so, once a week, would you leave so I can die alone and screaming? A much preferable situation to this one.

Okay, I feel like maybe he thought his wife was just like extra young looking that day. Okay. Like he was seeing his wife and like, I wanted to see his thought bubble about the like stuff that was happening in his head. They missed a lot of fun points where they could have, they could have had me. The movie could have had me. Yeah, they didn't, they really didn't ring the humor potential out of his death at all. No, they did not. That's, it's hilarious. If they do, it just kick up the bassoons guys. Come out. Yeah. So he dies. We get this scene where she's putting his obituary on the bulletin board at work.

What the fuck? Hey, Tiffany, can you switch shifts with the all Wednesday? Also that motherfucker who comes in on Wednesdays is in the deep blackness of nothing. CPR training on Thursday. So yeah, so with the narrator cuts in to tell us that yet more time has passed and those two old guys still came in on Wednesdays and eight breakfasts. Yeah, well, we give a little Christian bigotry here. One of the misheard things is her name is Megan and he's like, pagan, she's a nice girl. Yeah. And I wrote in my notes, I could confirm that pagans could be very, very nice girls. Missed out deaf guy.

Yeah. So yeah, so she comes out and she's like, hey, Ricky, the old guy who can't hear very well. Can you tell me about your old injuries? And he's like, I thought you'd never ask, right? Once again, the fantasy of whatever weird-ass, waitress, harassor wrote this thing in the first place. And again, they could write any story. I saved little Timmy from the well.

Sure. I was in the war. Right? There was a dragon. I worked in a factory and I sucked and it got squished. Yeah. No, and of course, it's gotta be fucked up because it's an old guy story. So apparently he was a kid when this happened.

But he fucked up his fingers in an industrial accident. And apparently the point of telling us the story is that hilarious joke at the end. Yeah, my mom washed it in whiskey. Nope, not great. But she wouldn't let me lick it. And I just wrote in my notes, see he you're not supposed to like it. That wasn't a joke. Whiskey that that makes a lot of sense. Whiskey fixes. It's a medicine. He says my mom wouldn't let me lick my fingers. And then there are literal fucking

crickets for like 30 seconds. It's a prescription medicine for some people sometimes. Back in that day. So, okay. So now it's autumn. My God, this is so stupid. First of all, she says, I was wearing myself to a frazzle. Yep. Okay.

Again, like someone is badly programming a robot with fall words. Yes, I was drinking so much coffee and people wore hats. Yes, the narrator actually just the old guy still came in, but this time we're in coats and hats. Oh my God. Oh my God, have you met your word cow yet? Can I help you meet your word cow in any possible way other than this? Seriously, the movie is talking about weather right now. Yeah, the movie didn't know what to say. Yep in its own movie and was like the weather's

called Like long fingers. Nope. No, I wrote my notes at this point. Hey guys. What if a movie was all padding for time? Hey guys, what if a movie was all padding for time? It's like, it's like a couple of writers got into a contest to see who could make a movie of the most boring Personal experience and we're seeing the winner. Yeah. Oh Or like they weren't like they were like, oh, yeah We've written a script and then everyone showed up with the cameras and the actors the next day and they were just like stalling Was bad that day. Yeah. And then they got, she does the whole like sometimes they would make me laugh and then

you get them telling a funny story and then sometimes they would make me cry and we get a sad story. So that's what we're doing. But the stories they've chosen are so fucking bizarre and banal and insane. They have to be real. The only possible way that this exists is that these old guys were like, well, I've actually got a great and very, very funny story. And the fucking posse of a human who wrote this was like, tell me about the time you and your friends went roller skating

and then didn't for 12 minutes. PLEASE. Oh, God, it's lonely old customer that really needs to just take their change and leave what you feel too sorry for him to tell him. So the movie, it really is not relatable content for Eli Bosnick. I will kick you out of the store, man. I will run. I will push the button on your electric wheelchair and push you out of the store. So, so yeah. So, but Ricky tells us this great story of the time that him and his buddy went skating in a warehouse and almost fell down, but didn't quite. Yeah. And then he finishes very clearly and she goes, and then what happened?

And he's like, I had lunch home. I had lunch home. 70 years passed and now I'm here. Uh-huh. And then what? What? Then you asked me, oh God. Yes. Then you asked me oh god yes But then it's time for a hindrick to tell us a sad story

right And what's funny about hindrick story is that he keeps like he he tells his sad story I think and then he looks at the director and the director's just like more I need more right and he's like Oh, and then and then my oldest brother died in divorce. And the guy's like, more, more, he's like, oh, and then my second oldest brother also died in the war. Oh, so died in the war. I want to go through the fates of the brothers.

Okay. They're very important. All right. We have to start with that. First of all, throughout this entire thing, there's a snare drum and clanging symbols to the extent that I thought the camera was going to pan over and we would see Victor practicing his symbols and be like, oh, sorry, were you telling us that?

His dad went to the war. He lost his legs, but worse, he lost his leadership abilities. Yeah, what? Yeah, so he just sat home and peeled potatoes all day every day. Yeah Then second oldest brother died of a grenade which quote hold him to pieces Pulled him interesting use of the use word choice there Third brother. Oh, no, we get like two other dead brothers Then third brother because apparently you're allowed to just number them by the ones that came back

I guess yeah, the two of them just get lumped into one there. It's like the ten commandments Third brother came home, but he was crazy now and he goes he left and left a dance like a child And then the director rolled his fingers. No, I need more, this more, give me more. Yeah. And of course the soundtrack at this point is like, oh, he laughed at dance like a child, that's pretty funny. No, it's never, it's not, let's go back to the snare drum. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But soon gets like one note in before apologizing like, burro, oh, shit, sorry. So, okay, so that all happens. And so it happens by him being like, okay, so good. That's an awesome story about roller skates. My family got taken by Nazis and he tells that entire story as if it was like, I'll propose roller skates. My family got stolen. Minoncies grenade killed one horrible PTSD. My dad's legless peeling potatoes very sadly in a fucking chair, not really a chair, just an area, a potato peeling area that we had for him.

Just he would do that. And I was like, okay, if this guy keeps going with the sad stories, another two minutes, it turns into a great movie. If he like keeps committing to this bit, and then he almost does. He's like, so my sisters were, well, they were perfect white blood wise, you know, Nazi wise, so the not, but they were too young to give Hitler a child. And I was like, oh my God, there's so much. I have to talk about so much. This after accepted my challenge. And now he's talking about his blood pure sisters and procreating with Hitler

perhaps. Yeah. But then they cut it a little too early. They cut it a little too early. It's actually worse than that. It's worse than that because Keith just said, the Nazis came and took my brothers. No, no, no, no. The Nazis came and drafted his brothers. That's called being a Nazi. Yes, his Nazi brothers kept getting hurt.

Right. And he transitions from there to his pure Aryan sisters. Yeah. Well, and then, okay. So, and this is all leading up to the story of his mom's prayer of heath's best worst, right? Because he's like, and then when my other brother died, my mom prayed to God, I heard her all night praying. And she said, dear God, I don't know which side I'm on in this war. Actual quote. She did not know which side she was on of World War II. Yeah.

Dear God, Austria is a confusing one. What are we doing here? Are we pro anti? What do you think? She says, I don't know what side I'm on. All I know is there's so much evil in the world. And I'm like, oh my god They very fine people's on both sides world were fucking

Sure did But Megan is so into this story, right? So she he tells all about how mom prayed that at least one of her kids would survive and that her daughters wouldn't be raped by Nazis one of her kids would survive and that her daughters wouldn't be raped by Nazis. Right. And then that prayer was granted and mom was like, I should have really gone for more than that, I guess. Right. I also, I have to talk about this moment of interstitial interjection because he does

the like, oh, they cry, keep my daughters from their eyes. And death guys like, yeah, that was a tough, tough story. Oh, so my other brother! And then I have to assume that his condition for appearing in this movie was to give his fucking dissertation on the difference between marrying and breeding, right? It's a screed. It is a screed. It is a screed. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah, he goes, like, first of all, he begins to stare into the middle distance. He is shouting. His voices are, he's like, there's a fine line between marrying and breeding. This, we are in the middle of a diner comedy. Sorry, but is there a fine there's a really broad line I just passed them in my head just now yep yep and he ends this

screen with and again real quote as long as the result is a flawless child, then love has nothing to do with it. Like I wrote my nose like, did they just not have the heart to yell, cut in the middle of his soul like, like, and then the bassoon picks back up. I cannot clarify enough that it is, then love has nothing to do with it. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, Yeah, I can't exactly tell you what the speech was about that he suddenly gave at the end of that story, but it really felt like he was realizing in that moment that maybe

there was a down side to eugenics, but he wasn't sure. That's a really generous. That isn't anything to be done. Yeah. I'm not, like genuinely, where do you think the movie fell on the Holocaust, positive, negative-wise? I don't think it's clear. I also don't think it's clear. I think it's about how close Hans was standing to the people making the movie.

It's a, you know, it needs to be clear at that. It's, there's one thing. Yeah. That'd be nice. All right. Well, we watched a lot more Nazi apologetics just now than even we're used to. So, I think we need a break. But first, let me give the rest of act one, the hard self. Will kids these days ever build character? If they're always playing those fancy computer games? Can someone check in the back and see if they have the unscented version of this ointment? How will the high school basketball team do this year? You think they're signed out the answers to questions exactly like those when we return for the desperately tragic conclusion of the Wednesday morning breakfast club.

Hi, welcome to gymnast planet where we're a gym, but we're not or something. It's unclear. Right. Yeah. Okay. So I need to cancel a membership. Oh, wow. Hmm.

Um, sure. I guess I can help you with that. Great. Hey, Larry. Yeah. What's up, Tonya? This guy needs to cancel his membership. Oh God. Oh God. No, why? We're like a gym, but we're not what we are. No, no, it's nothing to do with you guys I just need to cancel the membership. It's not personal. Oh, okay. Excuse me. I have a thing over here Okay, excuse me. I have a thing over here. Why, oh God, why? Okay. God, no. Wow. Okay.

Why, is there like a, is there like a quick, easy way to come and so on to be online? I don't, where I don't have to deal with the person crying and reading from. No, you're the tester too. Great Lord. It's too great and too terrible. You probably want to sign up for true bill. It's aggressive. Sorry, what's True Bill?

Well, True Bill's a new app that helps you identify and stop paying for subscriptions that you don't need, want, or that you simply forgot about. On average, people save up to $720 a year with True Bill. I, well, yeah, I lost another one I know. I know I'm so fired. You're just gonna stop while you, does that, okay? Because companies make subscriptions hard to cancel,

Trubil makes it incredibly simple. Just link your accounts and Trubil will cancel your unwanted subscriptions in one tap. And I don't have to deal with any of this. You think I didn't offer my body? My body and my soul. Yep, yep, yep. You don't.

I signed up for the free budgeting tools, but they've actually made canceling subscriptions. I don't use any more of a breeze. Don't fall for subscription scams. Start canceling today at truebill.com slash awful movies. Go right now. Truebill.com slash awful movies. It could save you thousands a year.

Truebill.com slash awful movies. Okay. Well, I'm going to go then. Good luck with all that. You mean cleaning up the mess you made? I can't do it anymore. Yeah, I just can't. Then what you got to do, man?

I have a movie for you. All right, you ready to go? Yeah, let me just grab my coat. Oh, I heard fellas. How was everything? Oh Great, thank you. I'm red. I own the place. Oh Night nice to meet you red. It's a great place excellent excellent. Hey, well, y'all let me know when you die, okay? I'm sorry, what? So let me know when you die so I can put you up here on the wall. That wall with the pictures, that's dead people. Yep.

Reds dead wall, I call it. So the rhyme. I thought that was for people who like ate a big sandwich or something. Yeah, yeah. I was thought that kind of thing was poor taste. Who was a wall full of people who just finished eating all the pizza or whatever? Right, right, but a wall of literally dead people

is, is that better to you? Like you think that the wall of hell. Yeah, you can, yeah, so you know, you can, you can put it in your will or, or heck, if you're around here, I'll just, you know, I'll clip the abituary and put it up there for you. Cool, got it. Okay, well, nice meeting you know I'll clip the abituarian put up there for you cool got it Okay, well nice meeting you we should go. Yeah, yeah, I suppose it's just nice for all red to know you know all the folks in

Oblivion and red well, he's still here still thinking art still beating still living Each and every death is a teeny tiny victory for red if you think about it right Each and every death is a teeny tiny victory for red if you think about it Right, um Red do you prepare any of the food here? Oh, no, that's cookie Cool cool. We're gonna leave it never come back now like ever never coming back. Nope You'll come back when you're on that wall. Okay Okay. And we're back for more of this shit and we're going to rejoin the diner crew on the week of Thanksgiving and I'll tell you what, that restaurant was quote bursting at the

seams with busyness. No, it's half empty. I can see it. Yeah, well, there's that. Yeah. I was curious if she meant busyness or if she was misreading the word business, right? We'll never know. Bad day, I robot.

Bad day, robot that wrote this movie. But yeah, to Heath's point, I counted there are four full tables and three servers. You each have one and one third table. You are not busy. That's one server. You have one server for the restaurant at that point. Yep. Everybody else has to leave.

Yeah, but now, now you're probably thinking to yourself, all right, Eli, this movie's a pretty good prank on Heath. Could we say watch someone return a box of jelly donut filling for seven or eight hours to truly push him to the edge of the okay, so this is so fucking where she's like the breaststroke was super busy, but you know, Virgil never got rattled. Virgil had nerves of still, and she's given a fucking World War I trench memory of some sort. And then we cut, yeah, to Virgil on the phone arguing about them sending him raspberry donut filling instead of strawberry donut filling for no shit.

Three goddamn minutes. You said we cut to that. We don't cut to any, we do, we get both of those conversations at the same time. They're standing next to each other, her boring conversation with the other waitress and his boring conversation on the phone waitress and his boring conversation on the phone trying to return raspberry filling. And we get both the movie was doing two boring conversations simultaneously. It's yet worse than that. Heath, you're, you're trying to make it. You're like memories have made it easier on you. The thing I'm talking about is the

narration that's going on on top of the two separate boring conversation. Was there a narrator? Yeah, all of it. She's talking about it. Well, he's returned in the filling. She's pointing out that the old guys never showed up even though it was Wednesday. And the narration is talking about how Virgil never gets rattled when he's behind the grill. And Virgil is like, I've been making donuts for 17 years. I wouldn't use, I'd shoot or fill it with my own liquid diarrhea than strawberry. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Dinarium is what walk in a frame, be like, excuse me, I'm going now, and then like they all start arguing, what, there was three. Ha, ha, ha, it's my turn, God damn it. Also, what the fuck does it matter if it's raspberry or strawberry donuts at this diner? What? Well, but consequence, like, somebody was going to come in and be like, is this a raspberry?

God damn, donut after you did strawberry for years. Like, what, what are they worried about? Well, here's the thing though, is I'm writing in my notes. I don't know if this is an irrelevant thing that's happening in the movie or if it's the plots. Yeah. Right. Like, you could argue that the plot of this movie was that he ended up with raspberry

filling instead of strawberry. Yeah. The donuts are the only thing that aren't dead by the end of the movie. Raspberry is a better filling flavor. is it is i objectively speaking yes so yeah we get out of that scene as though we've been paroled from it and then we had to this is a great little moment may get went home to see her family for thanksgiving and we just this one scene of her at home and apparently the director's like oh you know we playful why don't you and the guy playing your brother have a little pillow fight and they've been

fight way too hard and way too long and just taking turns whacking each other one after the other for like 45 seconds I would describe it as sexually aggressive yes the brother yeah the Folgers house next door. Like, no, siblings are fucking. So yeah. And so after that important 45 seconds, we head back to the diner. You know what's something cool that happens to diners? Roll ups.

Like, and then you roll it and then you tape around it and then you put that onto the set the taste, put it onto the table sometimes like they Stop doing that because of the COVID we watch this happen. Yep. We're watching them do roll ups and Heinrich comes in but Ricky the guy who couldn't Here is dead because he's old No Not Ricky why he wants rollerskated in a warehouse and almost hurt himself. He couldn't ear well. He had so many traits.

So many traits. Wait, Ricky's lead. So yes, so we watched Megan sadly set another play to side from the heat lamp. Yeah. Symbolically. And then Virgil is like, Hey, Megan, I need you to go grieve with the old man at that table. We'll stop seating your section for a while while you agree. Fuck no, absolutely not. I make tips because you see my section. I'm not gree. I'm not spending an hour grieving. Get out of here. I make two 15 an hour because you assume I make 15% on every dip. And I don't, he

gives me 15 cents, whatever. Well, and also he says we'll cover for you. There's the, Heinrich is the only customer in the dining room. We can see the whole diner. Cover what? What would you say you're going to cover? You're going to have to do my roll ups. Right.

And she breaks Heinrich his food and he's like, oh, I am too sad to eat today. And the proper response is, well, then why the fuck did you come to a diner, Hyde Rick? Well, then I'm going to need you to surrender that seat to a paying customer, sir. But instead, she pulls up a seat like comically close to him and lays her head on his shoulder, gives him a big hug big side hug and is sad with him. Oh, I hate it. Yeah, I hate everything about it. So he's gonna leave without eating or paying for the food that they made for him. Of course. Yeah. Just waste every once time and get a hug. Well, and it's also it's funny because they have to have him like get up and leave, but he needs his his hat and he needs his

His coat and he needs his his scarf and he needs his his cane. It just goes on Oh, no, I have dropped my dominoes collection and They're really trying for this touching moment here when she when he leaves she goes, please come again. Why he tipped you five Sense he's hit you a nickel when he leaves, she goes, please come again. Why? He tipped you five cents. He tipped you a nickel. And then so he leaves. She's like, I hope you come again and he's like, Hey, what would the movie be about if I didn't right? And then we linger there for quite a while to see if this actor can summon a tear. She does. She does manage it. We have to give her like 35 seconds, but she does get one.

Yeah, she cries for a little bit, but not long enough to get really funny. Again, if she cried for like, yeah, the rest of the movie, 15 minutes, that's funny. Yep, that's really funny. It's pretty good. 15 minutes of crying, are you kidding? Because like three minutes in, you're like, are they going to keep doing it? And she does. And then like nine minutes in, you're like, wow they gonna keep doing it and she does? And then like nine minutes in you're like,

wow, that's nine minutes of cry. Okay. This movie never had the guts to commit to its bits. Yeah. No. No. So okay, so that night, the whole diner crew is wondering what they're gonna do about poor old Heinrich now that all of his friends are dead. Literally the least realistic part of the movie.

Like Megan's like, what if he doesn't come back and I still wanted virgin to say well I'm gonna be stuck with a ton of fucking whipped cream because really I only get it for him. I Wanted realistic waitress when they were like oh poor hydra she's like who the fuck is hot guys can I go home I'm doing these wipits. We don't need this anymore I'm doing these wipits. We don't need this anymore. Yeah, but instead of course she goes, well, maybe we should bring him a pie and somebody else says, maybe we should sing to him and someone else says, that's a great idea. We all

like singing. I'm like, are you people cartoons squirrels? What the fuck is happening? There is nothing more obvious that this is a shitty old man fantasy than the idea that young people want to finish a full shift of work and then bring an old man a pie and sing him a song because he Exists. Okay, I got to admit Virgil's reaction to this idea was the fucking best. They're like, let's bring up some pies and we'll serenade him with a nice song. And like, cause like, I mean, think about it. Like, what if this guy doesn't come back? We should do that. And Verge's like, I don't know who fucking cares

because he doesn't come back. He's the worst. He will die all the fucking time. What's wrong with all of you? He tips five fucking cents. And then we get to watch Vergell be grudgingly do the rest of the movie. Yes, right, right.

Exactly. Like they talked him into it. So yeah, so that night they all go to Heinrich's house to sing to them. There are a bunch of extra, I guess, where these are supposed to be other servers that we've never met to like round out our choir. These are singer ringers, I guess. Yep. Virgil, by the way, they could not talk

him into singing. So he just sits down next to Heinrich, like, they have a fucking pire, something for you. And this is fucking weird. I'm robbing you. Just, you know, in a second, I'm going to say, can I use your bathroom? I'm stealing all your pills.

I'm not even reading them. He might as well start scrolling on Tinder on his phone, just through all the rest of the movie. Yeah. So good. Yeah, they all sing for a little while. And of course, like, they're up a choir that's practiced together. But in the movies universe, they all just were like, Hey, you guys all know this obscure ass church song and like, jeppery sure to.

You mean the one that's in German? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Okay, to be clear, this Nazi church in the United States in very real life learned a couple of songs in German and they made a movie to set up this moment when they would sing the songs that they learned. Yes. For sure, right? That's what happened. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Well, when we hear Megan sing, we suddenly realize why she said she's a quite talented singer, right? Can't act for shit, but she could say not not see singer. Let's just be like, yeah, I mean, you know what it is. And um, oh, yeah. So, but they, they sing together and then they're like, Hey, can you please come back to our diner on Wednesday mornings? I, what do I do without your nickel? And

he's like, yes, come in, sing me another song. Sing me another song. I so wanted them to be like, oh, we, I've got a, um, to do on my phone now. I, the fucking, the fucking audacity of having someone come to your house and bring you a pie and sing you a fucking song. And your response is sing me another fucking song. Absolutely not. Absolutely. His real response is what the fucker you people doing? How did you know where I lived? I'm just the Wednesdays. Okay.

I will take the pie, but please leave and do not keep singing at my house that I did not invite you to. But instead, he's like, yeah, come inside and sing another song to me. If somebody says that to you, don't go inside. No, that's not a good idea. Nope. I also wanted him to have to do like the band at the Camtina and Star Wars or something because like they only do the one German something. So yeah, Mary had a whole thing him another one. I have to point out to the girl on the far left is this board and confused by all of this

as I am. I mean, she's singing sure, but she does not want to be there or know why she is. Yep. So yeah, so they sing him another song. She does not want to be there or know why she is. Yep. So yeah, so they sing him another song. And then we head back to the diner where Megan is wrapping up a shift because she's got to leave early

to go to Heinrich's place and make him sausage. Why does this child know anyone to her own age? Right? Is she a reverse pedophile? The only explanation for this movie? Is she a reverse pedophile? The only explanation for this movie is she's a reverse pedophile. Yeah, well, apparently they just needed something to happen to end this stupid fucking movie, right? So she's like, Martha's like, oh, do you have a hot date?

And she's like, no, I'm going to go make sausage for that old guy whose friends all died. And she's like, that's the saddest and most pathetic thing you could possibly be doing. And she's like, right? Hey, are you talking about the guy who loves your teeth and long fingers? Is that the other guy you're going to do? No, that guy died. This is his second best Oh, that's, that's, that's, that's not creepy at all then. If it's not that specific guy. Cool. There's also this great moment. She's like, Hey Martha, you should come with me. It would be fun. And we get to watch Martha not be able to come up with a good excuse on the spot.

Martha? No, I don't want to. I have night. You have night. I have my night. Tonight? What? What?

What did you say? My fingers are short. So Martha goes with Megan to eat sausage and potatoes with Heinrich. Guys, we watched them eat potatoes and sausage together. Yep. Like, we watched them dish the potatoes out and like, you know, and the sausages and we watched them eat. But not like skillfully dished. No. No, they have to like, I can't go back for seconds on each one. And oh, that's a little more

than I'm going to need right there. I just. I I fumbled the spoon. I humble the spoon. I fumbled the spoon. I'm going to pick it back up. She's picking back up the spoon. Yeah, I'm picking back up the spoon. Now I got it. Now I got it. Now I got it. And again, these three people eating sausage and potatoes together again is the plot. Yep.

Are you eating the potatoes? Yeah, yeah, I am because you handed it to me. This is the climactic finale of the film. If these people were extras in the background of a regular movie, they would be fired. That's not bad. Oh my god, you silently eat potatoes like an idiot. You're fucking fired. God. She flashes back to act one and she's like, when I first saw those old guys, you know, for the first three minutes, as they shambled along during the opening credits, how could I have known how deep an impact they would have on me?

And I'm like, you need to have more impactful experiences, lady. I need you to get hit by a car. Literally anything more important. Yeah, you need a literal impact is what you need. Yeah. Jesus. And what would she go, now when I brush my crooked teeth, I think of those sweet old man. It's just like, what a weird takeaway from that horrible, horrible

relationship. Oh, so we should point out that like this was clearly written without this act, there's like this actor's teeth are not crooked. Nope. They're just like, they're, yeah, obviously spent some money to straighten those fuckers out. So it just makes no sense at all. She inherited a good deal of Nazi memorabilia from these guys for sure. Well, yeah, because then she comes on and she's like, Heinrich died a year later and I'm like, did we need to know that? I don't understand how that's significant to the movie. But she's like, and I thank God for them all the time. I'm like, boom, Christian movie totally counts nailed it at the end. In a Hague prison.

Yeah. But yeah, but she learned to value them even though they were old. Yeah. And then there's literally a title card that shows up that just says, cherish them now. I wrote my notes. I feel like someone's grandma made this movie to guilt you about not calling enough. Yep. Boy, didn't they? Yeah. No, that was like, yeah, you should call grandma more. But still, is this right? Right. No, obviously, I think that's that well. Your grandma doesn't suck you collar. Yeah. That's true. If she's a Nazi, maybe don't, I don't know. Yeah. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we once watched a movie about waiting for the working bar to fill in on a computer program. And I feel like this

might still be the movie where the least amount of shit happened. No, because like, too wait is a verb. Yeah. The computer was doing something to that whole fucking movie, right? So If doing this show has taught us anything is that there's always gonna be a worse That means that record is going to get broken Hmm cool, so my question to you to close things off is that when it does what even more boring activity will the movie be centered around? Daz the Blockchain being explained. Blockchain reaction in a whole.

Oh, nine. See, I was going to go for a sequel. I was going to go with the guy who tightied the old guy's graves as they died. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. All right. Well, I guess that's going to do it for our review of the Wednesday morning breakfast

club, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to lure you back next week So Eli tell us what's on deck? By popular demand and by that I mean a month of tweets. We'll be watching Marky Mark Father still. Oh, I've got a little advent calendar for that one dude I really do. I'm so excited. Alright, so with that that to look forward to, we're going to bring Episode 348 to a Merciful Close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon and others that help make the show go. If you think you're something among their ranks,

you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash God off. All of them there by your early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling

shows, the skating a the aesthetician, the D&D minus and the skeptic crowd available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email at gotoffemoviesadgmail.com, link services for this podcast, provided by the law, this is a PN Routaurus,

Tim Robertson, thanks for taking care of our social media, our theme song was written in performed by Ryan Slotkin, people on Dwarf's Dawn Mars, and all other musicals written in performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week, for Heathen Wright, Neil Iboznik,

I'm Noelusius, promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with the slightly less inappropriately named than usual breakfast club close new owner of Virgil's Nazi dog whistle theme diner is GOP congressperson Lauren Bober. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Austria and got oh does he live in Argentina now does he farm? Fuck you. One of my favorite moments as a server was at Max Brenner we had the breaking up couple and when we would like push tables together, the manager would like do a special thing in the POS system to like delete the tables that we had pushed together.

And they were sitting there breaking up and I was like, I've gone over like three times and she literally deleted their table from existence. Oh nice. She was just like, they're never gonna order anything. She's gonna cry and he's gonna leave. And then she's gonna leave. And he he was right. He was exactly right. But that guy just would become a recurring skit character. I can hear Eli regretting

that voice like three words in. She goes sit and sits in the back with crunch. Crunch bigens is amazing. How come he's not back? Is he hard to do voice? He hurts my voice, yeah. He hurts it. Okay. I lost another one.

I know. I know. I'm so sorry. You're just going to stop while he does that. Okay, because companies make subscriptions. Oh, damn. That's so good. Oh Damn that's so good

Oh, oh professional I can do this Okay Three budgeting tools. No. Together, dammit. Okay. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and Okay. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstrum LLC Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.