God Awful Movies - 353: In Gramps' Shoes

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

This week, Genetically Modified Skeptic joins us for an atheist review of In Gramps' Shoes, the story of Donald James Parker paying a bunch of people to tell him how young he looks and how impressive his athletic skills are. --- Check out Drew's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG1uayRlzz3ahT8ISRdyw7Q If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Looking for a stress-free summer? Hello fresh sent you full proof step-by-step recipes and fresh pre-proportion ingredients to make meal time a summer breeze. Get 16 free meals plus three free gifts with code awful16. HelloFresh.com slash awful16. He seems to think the problem with drugs is that they're plant-based. Right, God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Leaves, yeah. Yeah, fantastic. That's why I do 12 sheets of acid before I run. It's great, and that is...

Scott just takes out some toad venom and starts smoking it. And he's like, oh, that's actually... That's animal-based, okay? Oh, it's fine. I told you that running is a natural... It's a natural hide. It helps me get close to God. That in the LSD, you know yeah, right right God awful movie

Welcome back to the Gamecast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because we're shockingly unqualified for useful stuff. I'm your host, Noah Luzonz, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath. Welcome back. Donald James Parker is back on the social. It's great to see you. Zetty film. Normally, I'd be furious, but he is perfect in this movie.

And sitting down under Boston by Northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Donald James Walker. That's one of those weeks to look at forward to this one. But another thing we've been looking forward to, we're excited to welcome a special guest maskist, Drew from YouTube's very own genetically modified skeptic is joining us today. Drew, welcome to God off of movies. Hey, happy to be here, but I'm ready to be pretty tortured by this.

Well, we'll see how it goes. I might make it. I might watch it. So, yeah, the hard part is, so you're not as excited about Donald James Parker, is these guys? DJP. There were enough substances in me when I watched through this thing a couple of times. And I was very excited by the end. Oh, I'm so cold sober. Oh, do you want this thing a couple of times and I was very excited by the end. I'm stone cold sober.

Oh, do you want to take a couple of minutes and get some substances? No, I'm picturing sweet like scientifically minded Drew, just like waveness fist citizen's computer. Come on, out of james. Donald James Parker definitely made me break character. My brand is being nice and I turned it. I was channeling Noah by the end. Trust me. Yeah, we're going to make this tough on you.

We're going to make it hard. So tell us, Heath, officially, what will we be breaking down today? We watched in Gramps's shoes. It's the story of how born again, grandpa reunites with his family and he makes them all love Jesus with his amazing little arguments and by showing off his amazing long distance running skills. Yep. It's Territz of Liar.

And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if it's very obvious that you haven't spoken to your daughter or grandchildren in 20 years and you'd like to live out the fantasy of proving to them how right and awesome you are. You will love this. Donald James Parker. Yeah, your Donald James Parker. It's Donald James Parker's saddest power fantasy. And in the last movie you watched of his, his friends and him beat up Antifa in a mall. Yeah. Yeah.

So we should point out for those not, you know, all the way up to date on the rosetti verse that this is not the first movie that Donald James Parker has written and starred in where my daughter won't speak to me as a major plot point. It might just tell us something. His daughter not speaking to him is the feet of Gwen Tarotino. Out of curiosity, is this the first Donald James Parker movie where he's trying to fuck his granddaughter? I think so. I think it's not the first way he's trying to fuck something.

I don't remember that, but I'm going to guess it's still no to answer your question. I will say this, there's not a single movie we watched of his where a child under 18 doesn't very clearly explain to the camera how virile and attractive he is. Yeah, and he usually has his arm around that woman at least occasionally lots of touch happens about 19 times in this movie. It might be the highest number, but that always happens. Yeah. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst sensor blur in the background. So this doesn't matter to the plot.

It happens right near the end. There's a scene and in the very background, out like in the trees, all the way in the background behind some field, behind a high school, there's a rectangle completely blurred out in like partially the sky, partially over the trees in the background. I can't imagine what the fuck that is that they had to censor out. I like to think that it is an adult video store billboard. That would make sense. I think it's honestly the name of the school where they were doing that. Oh, the school was like, you can't not.

Right. Okay. Yeah, you can absolutely use our school. Let me just Google you real quick. And no, no, no, James Barker. In my head, it was like local atheists who hate this guy in real life, calling him, and they had like, I don't know, like a drone with a giant dick post around it. I can't believe it. Yes, a a drone with a giant dick post drown.

I'm trying to follow the entire production. Yeah. They were just Amazon drone delivering a giant dildo in the background. Yeah. The secular world we live in. My favorite thing about that sensor blur is that it carries over to the next scene for no reason, like just accidentally. Yeah, it's just on the back of a guy's head.

Yep. It's just desperately clicking the small X on the sensor. So I was gonna go with best worst death. I'm not gonna spoil anything now, but there is a dramatic demise that is just chef's fucking kiss. I just that's a worry. Yeah. The people who wrote 13 reasons why we're like, come on. So, Drew, did you have a best worst? Oh, I would say best musical score by cicadas.

I mean, we were on Zimmer. They've been working 17 years on this shit and it paid off. To say that the cicadas actively heckled Donald James Parker, one of the scenes in this movie is not an understatement. Oh, there might as well be cicadas like, boo, boo, bad movie, boo. Okay, I have another though. It's right in the climax of the movie too, but speaking of climaxes, I would say that the other nomination I would give it is best orgasm announcement.

I mean, I'm cruising the finish line. Drew, I told you that's what I say when I come in private. I don't think I can, I don't think I can finish anymore without that playing in the background to be honest. Yeah. I like to set up a finish line just, you know, near sex so I can break it. That's yeah. Yeah. One time we went to a shoe store that was being opened anyways, we're not allowed back there.

I'm gonna go with best worst fantasy. I already touched on this, but just to be clear, Donald James Parker's fantasy of reconnecting with his daughter is that she's in such desperate financial strengths that she begrudgingly allows him back into her life for money. Right, right. And tells him that she loves spending time with him as an ever tells him she loves him.

It's all right. Well, I'll tell you what, I look forward to Chippurro's Eddie movies like the kids look forward to Christmas and shit. So we're going to keep the break brief, but but when we come back we'll dive into all the sad fantasies that are in Gramsys shoes. Come on, come on. You got to jump for the coins. I know I have to jump for the coins, Drucifer. You know my full name isn't Drucifer, right? Hey Eli, Druva, where you been? We were waiting for you guys to record more of the podcast. Oh sorry, I was just showing Druva my backbone. What have we been waiting for you guys to record more of the podcast? Oh, sorry.

I was just showing Drew my backbone. Eli, what did we say about nudity for guests on their first appearance? No, no, no, no, not that backbone. Backbone is the newest game-changing essential that transforms your iPhone into a handheld console. So you can play anywhere, anytime, simply plug in your iPhone to the backbone and enjoy console quality controls with responsive buttons and triggers, clickable analog sticks and more. And you can play Xbox, PlayStation, PC and App Store games. Oh, wow. So it turns your phone into a professional

style controller. So you can play your favorite games on the go. Sure does. I use it to play stuff on Apple Arcade, play stuff for my computer with Steam link. I can even play my PS5 games anywhere in my house beautifully and seamlessly. I actually got a backbone before they became a sponsor because I heard about it on a podcast and I bring it with me whenever I fly or travel or even if just got a second of downtime in the house, but I don't want to boot up my computer or console. Okay, but what if you don't own a console? No problem. Stream hundreds of games like FIFA,

Halo, Minecraft and more through cloud gaming services like Xbox Game Pass, Nvidia Geo Force now, and Google Stadia. That's a lot of games. It sure is. Go to playbackbone.com slash awful now to order your backbone until June 30th and get free access to over 350 console games and perks, including one month free of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate, one month free of Apple Arcade, two months free of Google Stadium Pro, and

three months free of Discord Nitro. Find your next adventure at Playbackbone.com slash awful. Hey, do you think that I could get a backbone because I'm on the ad and everything? No, Drusef her. That's still not my name. Juwella? Yes, Drew is short for Juwella. Yeah, how'd you guess? I'm like wicked smart.

You gotta jump for the coins. I know. I need to jump for the coins. Rest the jump. Hey podcast listener, I'm No Illusions. I'm Heath Henry. And I'm Eli Bosnick. As you may already know, it's matrion this month.

That's the time of the year when we ask you to consider pledging or increasing your support for our podcast. So, over at patreon.com. But of course, we want to keep it classy. Of course. Please give me your body. Oh God, please. That's why if you head over to matrion.com, that's M-A-Y-T-R-E-O-N.com. You'll see tons of fun goals for you to help us hit for our livestream pajama party in July. You have any idea how expensive speech therapy goes twice a week.

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in episode, there's never been a better time. I have eight credit cards. Eight, they're all maxed out. Again, again, that's matrion.com to show your support. Does he really have eight maxed out credit cards? I'm sure he does. It's the best best not to think about it. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on Donald James Parker jogging. That's going to be about, I'd say conservatively,

18% of the movies. I get it. My first note is, make sure the movie captures that I run gracefully like a deer. Donald James Parker. Yeah. And they use slow mo for this slow. We're watching running in slow mo there's a reason Marathons don't have slow mo replay when they put it on TV. There's a reason you don't watch Marathons on TV or much. It's so more running in slow mo is walking guys. I mean, also had my first note was music brought to you by eight year old singing along with her music box on the fly So we see how incredibly athletic Donald James Parker is for his age and then we cut to

Amy this is DJP's daughter in the film and she's on the phone with the bank. They want to foreclose on her house he's daughter in the film and she's on the phone with the bank. They want to foreclose on her house. My favorite Christian movie trope is instant uncompromising debt as though there isn't an entire predatory industry based on giving you options. Right. Right. All Christian movies, they just get one phone call that they're coming for the house and your kidneys. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're foreclosing on your house. There's a wrecking ball outside in three. I like to give me a second. Yeah, so we're for closing on your house. There's a wrecking ball outside in three So yeah, so we get that and then we cut back to Donald James Parker done with his run now praying that his daughter Amy stops Hating him and will speak to him and just then Amy calls apparently this two hour movie isn't a fucking hurry Yeah, I love when he's praying he says God touch your life and bring her back to you. Oh, yeah. God touch your life and bring her back is is Christianies for Jesus just fuck her up good. Yeah, right, right. Isn't it though? Because she calls it. She's like, yeah, you know, I mean, dire financial strengths. And that's what it would take for me to speak to you. And he's

like, well, great. Jesus did his job. Didn't he? Yeah, there's this great moment where he's like, well, I don't recognize your voice. And she's like, well, that's because we haven't talked to 20 years. And he's like, oh, okay, I guess that does make sense. Yeah. As soon as these actors started dialoguing, my wife sitting next to me immediately asked,

do you think that these actors are married in real life? Mm. Oh, that's a good question. They are approximately the same age. Yeah. With the amount of incest upcoming or implied incest upcoming in the movie, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. Yeah.

Speaking of which, this is where she explains that she has two kids now, and he offers to move into her house and pay her rent to help her with her financial trouble. And of course, while he's there, he could discipline her 16 year old son. Right. Which like, I give that it's Donald James Parker's fantasy of like what someone would say yes to, but if someone has severed their relationship with you and in desperation, they call you because they need money. If your first answer is, why don't I move in with you and discipline your children? I now know why they cut you in a third of life.

I needed this to be like, I'm gonna move in with you and discipline your children. Click credit like that. Perfect. I'm just gonna start an only fancy. It's fine. She says, well, you know, I'm also behind on some stuff. That wouldn't help.

He's like, I'll give you $4,000 and I wanted to say, okay, and then you don't have to fucking come here. That would even better. But he also agrees, you know, she's like, oh, I'll be so embarrassed if you have to do that. It'll be embarrassing for me to tell my kids. And he's like, okay, well, how about we pretend that I'm the one in financial trouble. And I have to move in with you because of that.

Right? Yeah, at one point she says, I don't know, Dad, I think you're too perfect to live here. And again, because this is a Donald James Parker joint, he goes, yes, that will be hard for me, but I'll do it. Yeah, right. And then not for the last time in the movie, Donald James Parker says to the daughter,

I love you and she's like, thank you for that. I wrote my notes, the Heath and Roy story. Okay, that's very, that's too close. So I, my grandma called me by accident this week. And so I get on the phone. I was like, hey, grandma, what's going on? She's like, oh, I was just f***ing, is it? Is it, all right, I guess I'll talk to you. Okay. And so we talk, we have lots of good talks. I don't know why she was weird about it, but we talk for a while.

And then again, I was like, okay, I love you, Graham. And she's like, yep, click. Whoa, you hate the yop. Well, you hate to see it. Wolf, and you hate it so much that you accidentally dox yourself on your own, show it, don't worry, I hate the up. Well, you hate to see it. Wolf. And you hate it so much that you accidentally dox yourself on your own show. Don't worry. I'll edit it.

So then, so Amy gets off the phone. Scott comes in and that's her 16 year old son and demands to know who she was on the phone with. And by the way, we know Scott is rebellious because his arms are crossed and everything. It's so meaty. He comes in already saying, God, it's just walking, hey, mom, God, and she's

like, you can't just start with God, man. Like, that has to be reaction to something. Okay. Yeah. And this is, of course, where we also meet the sister Sally. And this is the first of many times where Donald James Parker is going to have to write some like brother and sister shit talk that won't get him dinged by the dove channel. So. So. It's so stupid. This actor has to say the lines that fucking Donald James Parker wrote because that's his job and you watch him be like, I'll learn manners when pigs can fly mind your beeswax. This is a lap doodle. What the fuck is it?

Dude, all right. You just pictured Donald James Parker chewing people off set like it's a fucking actual sex scene from nine or something. We're going to be saying beeswalks. Close it. Yeah. For this one. Just me and the cameraman in the room. So, but this is where mom sits down and explains the plot to the kids, right?

And she also, this will never come back, but she also explains that they don't have a spare room in the house. So apparently the daughter is going to have to sleep in mom's room from now on and she's surprisingly okay with that. Again, this never matters, right? They could just say, well, he can stay in the guest room, you know? from now on and she's surprisingly okay with that. Again, this never matters, right? They could just say, well, he can stay in the guest room, you know? It never matters.

It never has anything to do with the movie. I just wrote in my notes, he's, did you write this part of the movie? It feels like he thought somebody was gonna be like, okay, well, then show us that guest room that you have. You do really have, and like the camera guy was gonna have to try to show it and get caught in the lie. I don't understand.

Right, right. Like we were gonna be looking at it from the outside and go, there's no way that's a fucking four bedroom. Give me a goddamn break. Yeah. That was dispensative disbelief for me. You know, I could make it through at that point.

You were into the movie. No, I got it. That was your brechtine breakout. I get it. So, and also, so at the end of this, you know, the Scott is being impudent as he is so want to do. And mom turns to him and says, watch it, Buster, I could put Sally in your room and I'm like, calm down, Heath. But the line she delivers it with all the inflection of give me back my son. It is just so over delivered. Yes,

this actress always goes from zero to a thousand with Scott, no matter what he says. So throughout the movie, Scott will be like, I don't know, Mom, I don't want to go to the party and she'll be like, Scott, I will stab you in the fucking eye. I will melt you down like Casey Anthony. Okay, I went to high school. I can get away with it. Oh, she's Christ. It was.

So, okay. So then we get Donald James Parker showing up at Amy's house to move in. Scott and his punk friends are sitting outside on the porch. And of course, they're all smoking cigarettes so we can tell that they're bad kids. Oh, absolutely. The hallmarks of teenage rebellion in 2014, mohawks and cigarettes, not it, not a jewel. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no do it. And he's just, he's just hating it the whole time. He's a listener now. Yeah, right. Yeah. So yeah, but of course, Scott and his punk friends, just like everyone who sees it in this movie will have to comment on how young and spy, Donald James Parker is looking. Oh, everyone in this movie at one point, including these punks who will be drugs mugglers later in the movie. Yes, boiler alert

Take a moment to be like, well, that guy looks great for his Like that can't possibly be your grandpa. He looks far too young to be 65 He looks like a super successful Hollywood actor slash director. I don't know. I said that But that's what it looks like to me. I'm 14. To be fair, they are used to 13 year olds looking like 18 year olds. So the, that being able to get some age in this is, it might be a little difficult for them. Yeah.

That's right. People age differently in the Rose Eddie verse. Oh, I have to share this line because this is one that Donald James Parker was very proud of. After he walks by, Scott, the son, Bramps, that rhymes with cramps. And that's what he's going to do to my style. Oh, no. No.

I wanted this character to keep going with that. Just like style profile. Turn stuff. Okay, that's enough. I would rather potato peel my skin off and watch that all my God. This blends us a very important insight, which is that if we challenged Donald James Parker to a rap battle, he would do it. Yes. He would he would show up. He has pages in notebooks ready for this. Oh, yeah, sure. My name is Gramps and I'm here to say.

Yeah. So, and then Gramps meets Sally. Now, Sally is a 13 year old girl played by a 17 year old girl. And this will be the most uncomfortable relationship in the movie. Like, every time you step down, he's like, I bet Sally's character would hug me now. Huh. What's of touching, Sally. This scene is the scene where I notice that every time somebody beefs or shows any affection to each other or is just trying to connect to another person in any way, they look each

other up and down multiple times somewhat aggressively. It's a theme throughout the movie, but in this case, it's so flirtatious. I lost my virginity. It's very weird. Also, Donald James Parker was wearing a different shirt on the outside of the door and on the inside of the door. Oh, he's got. Yeah. So he's got one of those underarmour shirts on the outside and then he walks in. He's just got a white t-shirt. And the girl Sally is like, you look very young, Grandpa. Yes, you must work out in that underarmature that you must have taken off whilst entering the door. And he says to her while looking her up and down at the age of mentioned 13 and you're

a proper young lady. If someone says and you're a proper young lady near you and they are not currently doing a stage play of gone with the wind. You should taste them. You should taste them. You found a pedophile. Maybe still do it in the gun with the wind thing. That's true.

Yeah. In Graham's defense, she did look older than he thought because she is already past her prime and dug her years. So yeah, of course. Yeah. Host the duggers passed her over. They were like, we're done with this one. This is also another.

Keep in mind that this is all happened in like two and a half minutes. The friends all remark on how young he looks. The granddaughters like, wow, you look so much younger than I expected. And then the mom tells him how young he looks. All literally within two and a half film minutes. Three compliments in two scenes. It's a DGP all-time record. I think so. Yeah. The mom goes, well, you know, you came all the way in

from outside, do you want to take a nap? He's like, no, I'm young. I'm gonna go jogging from miles and miles. Look at my calves. Look at the fall of my mom. I wore extra short shorts just so you could see my rippling thighs. Punch me in the calf right now.

Don't I'll do it. So Gramps heads out for a run. And of course he has to pass by Scott and Scott's punk friends. So they talk a little trash to each other. Yeah. And they're just they're just sitting there in silence for like 15 seconds. The beginning of the scene because Gramps shows up a little too late. So what we're watching is a bunch of kids being like, let's, let's sit here and like be angry

in silence until maybe an old person shows up and then we'll roast him. And it happens. Yeah. And they roast Gramps. But yeah, so they roast him. He roasts them and then he challenges them to a four mile relay race. It's so good because it has to be the insane thing that Donald James Parker thinks he could conceivably win it even in his insane fantasy, which is like long distance running. So he's like, well, how about a little wager, a two mile relay with four laps each halfway

markers at the third and fourth lap. Also, everyone needs to use the hoof and scoop. Man, he spent $1.7. Race the kids down the block, asshole. You wrote the movie. This is supposed to be like, we play basketball, you know, like, I play you in one on one bed. Like, that's what this is supposed to be. This is the closest thing to a sport you can do though is running kind of slowly for a lot of distance. Oh, this power fantasy absolutely told me that Donald James Parker drives really slow

by high schools a few times a week and just picks out every kid he could outrun. Like, that one, that one, definitely that one. Okay, well, one of the ones he picked out is I'll definitely beat that getting erase is the state champ in a second. And it's ridiculous. Donald James Parker, by the way, if you're listening and let's be honest, DJP, we know you are. We will, we will race you in a relay race. I know I will lose my portion of it, but I'm counting on Noah to take you to the party. Oh, yeah, absolutely. No way. He's, um, he's 73 now.

Yeah, I could take him. There's no account as one of the members of the Black lung gang, though. Oh, he's got such good trash talked all these smokers. And that's the bet, right? If he wins the race, all the kids have to quit smoking. But if they win the race, then he has to buy him a pizza every Friday for two months. God.

It's like eight or nine pizzas. It's just sad, bet. It's a deeply sad bet. And I really wanted one of the teenagers to be like, no, you have to suck our tics. Every Friday for two or two months. You look so young down there. Sad to JP. I have the breath power of a,

you suck like a man half your age. You got a pretty young mouth on your hands. Oh, it keeps me young. So. All right, so we cut to the track the next day. The punk kids show up.

Donald James Parker is already stretching mostly off camera. And they try to trash talk some more and they're already running out. They used like the four sentences he could write. So at this point, I was it's just going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for like the rest of the movie. Right. It's worse than that, though. Somehow, right. And this is where grandpa shows off his crucifix. So Sally says to him, he's like, what's that cross necklace of it? She might as well ask what his shoes are. What's that? I've never seen a cross living out here in the Midwest. Yeah. Why do you have a tea? Or it's just Jesus trist.

I don't know what you're saying. You're making noises. I'd also like to point out that Scott is wearing all black, all heavy black clothing, so you know that his parents are divorced. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, good dress to run. Yeah. T-shirt that just says God.

So yeah, and then he pulls out the toilet paper tube that they're going to have to use as a baton. I'm like, it's your that they're going to have to use as a baton. I'm like, it's your fucking movie, man. Just have him have a baton. Oh, and of course, here's the deepest shit talk he can allow from himself is as he runs off to get ready. He says to the kids that he's going to raise, see you girls later. Got him.

Get it. Polithobia. Yeah. Classic. This was the most accurate bit of a portrayal of a Christian character. I got see you girls later many times when my hair was grown enough to touch my ears as a kid. Yeah, it's fun. Tell me about it.

All right, so the race begins and it's of course it's tortoise in the hair. The kids blow themselves out too quickly in the race and he can catch up with them because he's, you know, going slow and steady. Okay, but it's a really race. So it doesn't matter how tired each kid gets after their leg. If they beat him in their leg, that's nothing. Yes. Yes. Which is what we see.

Also, if you ever listen to the tortoise of the hair and thought to yourself, this needs four races that all and titanically. And it was four hairs that kept winning. It would just be the hair's win. It's real simple. Yeah. Yeah, but they're getting worried after the first couple of laps here, you know, and Scott strategizing with his buddies.

Okay. In fairness, the second kid runs like me with luggage runs. Yeah, but he doesn't have luggage, but he seems to be mimeing having lots of bad luggage while he's running. The last time I saw a man run like this, Heath was told in a second floor bar that it was last call. I do parkour sometimes just that and it's like,

you know, like if your kids under a car, it's like that. Yeah. But for drinking, because I don't have kids and I like drinking. So Scott is the last runner in their relay race, and he can't run run only enough. So Gramps wins. In fact, Scott just collapses at one point. It doesn't even finish the race, right? He clutches his chest for the rest of the scene.

Like it does. He like a 10 straight minutes. I thought he was going to have a heart attack in real life. Like, he might have had a small heart attack in real life. Directors know, oh, Scott, Scott, you're not clutching your chest. We need to remember that you just lost a gramps. Please put your hand back. Yeah. We also get a super creepy moment with a granddaughter and Gramps where she's like, oh,

Gramps. And he says, you can call and Gramps where she's like go Gramps He says you can call me Gramps. I'm kind of starting to like it. No It gets even creepier. She's like do you want to take a victory lab running Hand in hand with me all the way around the track and she's like, what do I? And so they do that and Of course, well they're off running their victory lab all the punk kids who just lost the razor talking about how She's like, do I? And so they do that. And of course, well, they're off running their victory lap. All the punk kids who just lost the racer

talking about how they're not gonna honor that bet-to-quit smoke. And they're gonna keep smoking cigarettes after all. Yeah, it wasn't fair that they lost because that guy is a running machine, a young looking running machine. You just can't not say it. Drip, were you the narrator?

Because it's something like that happened, didn't it? His calm is too. V. Right. No. But Scott decides he's going to honor his bet with Gramps and quit smoking. What's more, he's going to convince his mom to quit smoking as well. And let me say as a person who has quit smoking in the past, it really is just a matter of throwing a cigarette away and saying, you know what? Yeah. And then never thinking of it again. And yes, I wrote in my notes not to attack anyone on

this podcast, but movies that show people quitting smoking should show you the absolutely basketball diaries misery that follows for the rest of the movie. Yeah. They should show that mom the next morning coming back to the track and getting that three quarters of a cigarette law. Because she remembered where she threw it, drying it out with a lighter. Yeah. Hitting up some of Scott's friends as she can get some that shit they sport. I hear you like to get your dick sucked. Um, getting your dad in the knee. All right. We're racing. I'll buy you more Mohawk gel if you just get me a damn cigarette. But yeah, so we should also point out that part of

the bet two was that if Graham's lost, he was going to buy everybody lunch and now he's going to buy him lunch, even though he won, he didn't even have to. I have never been more sure of anything than that Donald J. Parker thinks a $5 bill is a great tip. As the end of the movie, all right, young man, you earned this. Oh, and then as though this had not been ridiculous enough, they're all about to leave. And Donald James Parker says, Oh, you know what? Before we go, I should probably do my daily pull ups. Oh my God. I might not is literally we're going to watch Donald James Parker do pull ups. Aren't we?

And then we watched out. Do you park or do pull up? Well, hold on. Yeah. A, he never does an actual pull up. Right. He gets eye level with the bar and B. He says he's going to do 12.

He does two in one take, two in another take, and then we watched the daughter count from five to 12. At this point, I wrote in my notes, welcome to our side of atheism, Drew. Do you miss cod, categorical, and parodicate? Okay. Okay, they have Gramps do some pull ups here, whatever, but the moment when he can't grab the bar on the first try is the fucking bus.

He jumps up at his hand slips off and he just awkwardly falls away. I left for a while. Why did he keep that? Just get up to start with you up there, cold open on you doing a pull up. And we would have been confused. Guys, Gramps never quits. Yeah, never quits. Yeah, that's the moral of the story.

Okay. Even if it takes you two tries to do something, never give up. Just like Jesus, the crucifix. And so, and then Scott is super jealous because everybody's impressed by how many pull-ups grabs can do. So he tries to do some pull-ups except he does chin-ups

and he goes all the way up. Right, like he can't help but accidentally do something more impressive than what Donald James Parker does. At this point, I expected Sally to start doing jumping jacks and being like, I'm doing pull-ups too. I find it interesting that the mom loves Scott, but hates Gramps, but she takes a photo of every single phone pull up that Gramps does. And then when Scott's up there, she like, what even look in his direction? Nope. So, okay. But so now Scott is determined to whip

Gramps's ass at running. Okay. Yeah. To be clear, that's the stakes of the movie right now is him announcing I'm going to beat a 65 year old man at running. I'm in high school. Yes. The movie. Yeah.

Full school shooter look on his. He's declaring his intention. So okay. So then we cut to Scott running around the track, you know, in pursuit of that goal. But there's some girl there who's Captain Americaing her falcon, right? On your lefting him. And we're getting like the training montage music here.

But it's like if Rocky had to beat up Burgess Meredith. Yeah. Exactly. So the music is just kind of sarcastic and silly at this point and failed because Burgess Meredith's calm was so thick and frothy. Yeah, right, right. But yeah, but Scott falls in love with this girl that's running even faster than him. And it turns out that her dad is the track coach. This is, this is Chelsea, by the way. Yeah. And dad, by the way, for those who listened to the podcast, the last time we saw this actor, he was in the Chippers, Eddie film, The Right to Believe about the guy who

doesn't want to make t-shirts for a Pride parade. So he's back with a go team for this film. I was very excited. I was very excited. He versus coming together. And now the Supreme Court agrees with him about everything. Yeah. That's fun. We're supposed to be a happy show. They might die. So yeah, so we also learned that Chelsea and her dad are very Christian. Oh, we should point out too that when Scott decided he wanted to run, Gramps gave him his running shoes. And because they had been on his feet, now everyone who sees Scott has to compliment his shoes.

I wrote my notes. I can't help but notice you have the shoes of a sexually advanced genius. All right, so we cut back home where we see Scott now he is. Scott has to do the whole like he's not in shape now, but he will be later. So he's trying to do sit-ups poorly, but what he's actually doing is slow motion sit-ups, which are way the fuck harder than just sit-ups. Yeah, and he's decided to touch his elbows around his head like he's ducking, covering under a 1950s death.

And he asks at this point, he's like, hey, where are Gramps and Sally? And mom's like, oh, they went to church. They went to Saturday Night Church. There's Saturday Night Church. Is that real? Oh, yes, they went to church. They went to Saturday night church. There's Saturday night church. Is that real? Oh, yes, there's Saturday night church. There's everyday church if you're a Baptist, trust me.

Oh, no. I literally wrote in my notes, I'm going to defer to our resident expert Drew as to whether or not there is Saturday night church. Oh, there's Saturday morning afternoon and night church if you look hard enough. There's Wednesday night church. There's Tuesday night church.

I live in between two Baptist churches in Georgia, because everywhere in Georgia, you're in between two Baptist churches at least. So yeah, traffic sucks the most days. But this is where Scott's like, well, I'm not gonna go to any stupid church. And mom starts to realize that she really should have churched him up when he was younger.

Yeah. So she announces that she'll starve him if he doesn't go to church? Yes. He will go to church or she will deprive him of food until he dies. I mean, as the resident expert does not enter. There. There. Yeah.

His response is, this is blackmail. And I wrote my notes. It's actually, I'm sorry, I'm on your team, but that's actually not blackmail. Black wrote my notes. It's actually I'm sorry. I'm on your team But that's actually not blackmail blackmail. It's pretty much the only thing it's not yeah No, it's a blackmail would be a huge improvement from where you're at right now Yeah, I mean, it's an ultimatum It really seems like she gets the Christianity thing well. No, that's fair. Your dad taught her well But you know, it's got like well, I'll be damned if I'm gonna have a character arc

So he lays down in the floor to her rump. It's the best. He was the very obvious screen direction was Scott lies down powderly. Yes. And and bless his little heart. The actor did exactly that. He just goes to sleep. Go go go. So that evening, Scott decides that he would rather go to church than literally starve to sleep. Go go go. So that evening, Scott decides that he would rather go to church than

literally starve to death. So he comes to dinner all her room fee. Oh, no, sorry, this is the next morning, right? This is breakfast because mom's just like, you're not going to wear that to church. Are you and Donald James Parker's like, actually, in modern day churches, you could just come as you are. And yeah, you have to wear clean clothes though. Scott has been wearing the same set of clothes since he went running in those clothes. You're right. He did lots of come on this black shirt. Yeah, for sure. Also, Donald James Parker says, this is a, I wrote down this quote because it's fucking insane. He says, lots of people be wearing blue jeans, lots of people be wearing blue jeans. That's a hate crime.

His rap career would just soar. Yes. Amen. So many takes with the slower words before you basically got that. Listen up, my homie jeans. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, think you're cool. So it's always just like, oh, I noticed you're in a building that I'm in. Yeah.

Sploosh. So, all right. So luckily we don't have to sit through church with them. We cut to sometime later when Scott's hanging out with all his, you know, punk bros telling him out this hottie that he met at church. Yeah. And they make fun of him. They're like, you went to fucking church boo. So we're the setting here.

We're in a typical, very atheist town in rural Tennessee, I guess. Yeah. I mean, I assume this is what Drew did as a kid, right? Which is how he became the fat ass rebel he is. You just smoked with a, with a Mohawk and explained to people that, you know, going to church and makes Satan mad. Oh, yeah, absolutely. No, that, you, to a tee.

Just against the wall with one knee up for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And the friends turned to, to Scott. And so we should point out that there's two friends that are like the punk friends and then there's Scott. And then there's one friend who's sort of on the fence about whether to be a punk or, or a church goer.

But the two punk friends are like, hey, so you guys want to go down to the park and smoke cigarettes and do drugs? That's literally what they're saying here. I would give any amount of money for Donald James Parker to explain to me how he think drug sales work. You know that ice cream van, right? Well, there's another van. I just wish that there was a scene where he accompanies them to the park and just fucks off the drug dealer

in a race. Oh nice. Dracked dealer just shoots him in the chest. Oh, it's supposed to be for act three for a reeling. Yeah. So. Yeah. So but the punk kids leave. Scott and TJ, that's the friend on the fence. They don't want to go to the park and do drugs and smoke cigarettes. So the other friends leave and Scott and TJ have this talk about like, gee, I wonder if Gramps has already fundamentally changed my outlook on life or if we'll need more acts for that. Do both find him sexually attractive. He's so young. In my notes, I put, Scott has his first moral thought ever. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. It's like he's like, it's like this voice in my head,

telling me what's right. Wrongly, you just now noticed in that at 16. There's like, grams brought along some kind of spirit, some kind of spirit trying to influence me to be holy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I try to focus my videos on the arguments not the person argument is not the but I guess that's that's one way of doing it. Yeah My mug Drew Lawn Rouge what are you doing still not my full name? I mean I was drinking coffee Okay, but from old coffee beans in this house absolutely not do you know what they're talking about? Yeah, they're gonna tell you about trade coffee What's trade? Come on? Absolutely not. Do you know what they're talking about? Yeah, they're going to tell you about trade coffee. What's trade coffee?

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I think the lesson we gave you is far more valuable, don't you? No, not really. Drew killed Roger Rabbit, you hold your tongue. Still not my name. Okay, here we go. Your toughest challenge yet you gotta write the words of a challenged young man lashing out an anger. Oh boy, Here we go

Hey, Gramps, you don't know oh Gosh here it comes you don't know hack about Elkwoodness. I don't know. Wait, what do you do? Don't you write in raging bull to this is too far? This is too far this is your sale. No, no, I have to stay strong I have to write the real and gritty truth of teenage rebellion. Okay, here we go. My dozens of viewers are counting on me. Hey, Donald, do you finish writing that movie so I can shoot it? Yeah.

Chip, darn it. I told you I'd bring the belt when it's ready. Fine, fine. I'll wait downstairs. And bring me more fake newtons. Yeah, okay, you got it. Hmm, big newtons. My great and terrible weakness. Sorry, did you just say that big newtons are your greatest? I said, wait, I'm stars.

Okay, okay, I'm going. I'm going. And we're back for the more of this shit. And if you were worried that we were going to get all the way through this movie without talking about how Satanic Harry Potter is never you fear ladies and gentlemen. Because we're going to rejoin the family trying to figure out what movie they want to watch that evening. Okay. I'm sorry.

I know we have to spend the next six or seven hours talking about this conversation. But can we first address the fact that Donald James Parker shorts are just above his perennium. Yeah, we're talking about panties. He's in his panties. Yeah. So Sally's like, I'm bored. I want to watch a movie.

Would you guys like to go to a video store, which I apparently think still existed as a viable thing in 2014? That's the year blockbuster went out of business. Yeah. No, no, no, they go to family video. Let's face it. Big big show. I say a big show.

Yeah, that's the Christian. Donald James Parker just spends the entire time standing in front of the curtain to the porn. Oh, no, you don't. Not today. Is your mother no? Yeah. So, but Sally wants to watch Harry Potter.

And so we get to listen to Gramps opine on the satanic nature of Harry Potter films for a bit. Oh, but first he oh my god Gramps is like, do you really want to hear my opinion on a Harry Potter? Scott's like, no. Scott speaks for the people like me. He's the best sometimes. Again, just to be clear, Donald James Parker hasn't just written his lecture about Harry Potter into the movie.

He's written a bunch of people saying, no, please Donald James Parker, give us your opinion on Harry Potter. Except for Scott who has a fucking blender that he keeps turning on every time. I'm just gonna talk to guy. It's the best. Oh, yeah. So he explains to us how Harry Potter is the cheese and Satan's mouse trap for us. Yeah.

I love how he says that. And then Donald James Parker was like, obviously that literally device was way too advanced for you. Okay. So you know mice, right? You know mouse traps. I've lost you again. Okay, you know the male you mouse are remeas right? Yeah, and of course, I get written into his own

movie. He says, you know, a lot of people think I'm bad shit fucking crazy when I equate Harry Potter to Satanism, even fellow Christians. Like, yeah, a lot of people claim water is wet too, Donnie. It's just that's. And he's counterargument to that is, well, you know, people say Harry Potter is not a real witch, so it's not a problem. But when I read things as a kid, I wanted to be those heroes and I wrote my notes. So does he think Paul Bunyan is a danger for children becoming a giant? Right. Right.

Right. And also, by the way, like, he lists the good old days of all the heroes. He had their all slave owners. I mean, I don't know if Kit Carson was a, he was probably a slave owner, but he cannot, not name a racist when he's David. David. David. Oh, there was Davey Crockcket and Andrew Jackson and that guy who was trying to get those Mexican girls at a fresh and cool. That lady who reported that guy in Central Park.

I'm fucking this up Henry Ford. Okay. Okay. He says there are thousands of other ancient stories about the forces of good and evil. When he's explaining, you know, how this is the cheese and Satan's mouse trap. Mm-hmm. And I'm just sitting there thinking, okay, so there are thousands of other stories just like yours, which proves that yours is the only one that's real.

Right. Why would you point that out? It's your moving, Gramps. Also, I got a throw out this quote here too. He goes, when I was a kid, kids wanted to grow up to be policemen, cowboys, and nurses, heroes to date that friggin' so, you know, a lot of issues with that list.

But then he goes up and say, today's kids want to grow up to be witches and warlocks and vampires. Oh my. He says, Oh my there. He does. Now, I'm just picturing a booth at career day with a vampire sitting behind it. Okay.

So the benefit of the, you know, he was, he was off camera when he said, Oh my, at the end of that, the reason why is because he high-fived himself while. Right. Yeah. So, okay, so with that satanic, panicked, tirade, wrapped up, him and Sally go to rent a movie. We will discover, by the way, that this movie rental place is apparently in their fucking garage based on how quickly they come back.

Right. I assume there's a shelf on the wall that they like they have a red box out Oh, there you go. Yeah, that makes sense. I love to as soon as they leave They're barely even out of frame and Scotters me me me me me me in Gramps, by the way, Mom, why didn't you talk to him for the last 20 years? And she's like, it's because he's the fucking worst. Well, I wanted to be a warlock and he just did. He didn't. I get a very, very appealing scholarship from vampire university. You didn't appeal. Yeah, but she explains that he wouldn't let her listen to her satanic music.

And he wanted to marry a good Christian boy that wouldn't abuse her and leave for an act one. Right. Right. So again, just to be clear, this is the your angry abusive Christian dad was right. The movie. Yep. Yeah. Well, and then this is of course where she shamefully admits that before she got married

to Scott's father, the two of them lived in sand. Do you think they had to tape Donald down to something in a different room so that he didn't run in and scream horror at her? That's it. There's a reason he had to be off screen for this admission. Yeah. Now they just they just dropped them out of high school and he just got caught up racing all the teenagers.

No, I I love that the implication is that this guy was, you know, he was all right, but it really went downhill when they had premarital sex. And that's when he got violent. That was the origin of his abusive behavior. Like all abusive men, they got it into early. Yep. The important thing to remember is that it's her fault. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. The full expression, not a lot of people know it, is if you give the cow milk for free, it'll beat the shit out of you. So yeah. So, and of course, Scott's like, also, by the way, isn't grandpa supposed to be so poor he had to move in with us, but he just seems to be rolling in to, and then of course, Gramps and Sally come back so they don't have

to reveal that aspect of the plot just yet. Gramps is flush with cash with the shoes, the pizza, the lunch, the video store run. My God. You guys probably a rich computer programmer. This man is a thousand dare folks back up. And he is picked out for the movie, chariots of fire. Oh, nothing gonna get those kids excited like a movie from 1981. That's for sure.

That's mostly slow motion shots of other men's thighs. Yes. Donald, Donald, buddy. You're homosexual. It's fun. You could just be that. So you can be that. It's fine.

I like that movie. It's good. There's lots of thighs to be that. It's fine. Like that movie is good. There's lots of thighs to trick off. It's 2014. So I'm guessing that family video probably had the selection of chariots of fire and frozen. Of course, you wouldn't watch frozen, though. Yeah. It's too satanic.

Well, it goes busters too, but also to a two satan. Even more witchcraft. But and this is also that we have this bizarre fucking moment where Scott's like, Hey, grabs you seem to be throwing around a lot of money. You want to buy me a tattoo? And then grabs has to give us his screen against tattoos as well. Tattoo. I might as well be a warlock.

A tattoo is permanent. And I was like, yeah, don't do something serious. Like get a tattoo. Commit your eternal soul to Christ. And that's right. Right. Yeah. Mary, the first person that you fuck, yeah.

This is also, of course, where Gramps offers to teach Scott how to draw. Mm-hmm. Right. He's 16, but they can't afford the insurance on him. So he hasn't gotten his driver's license. Gramps can help him with that. And then, okay. So then we cut to Chelsea and her dad at the track. There's this great moment where they're trying to vamp before Scott shows up. Right where she's like, yeah, no, maybe I can improve here a little bit. And she points to a spot on his clipboard.

Like, what could she be pointing at? Best part of the track. This turn right here. And they try to say stuff more. She's like, my time running distances and time and distance. There's, we have columns. Thank God, Scott here. Oh my God.

Because this opening line is, so your time on both of these was absolutely perfect. Yes. Which would mean it was zero-centred. Right. Yes. Because otherwise there is. So you're teleporting now. I think we're done.

She is a good Christian character. She can improve on perfection. It's doable. You just got, you guys don't know. Yeah. Also, what the fuck does he have on that clipboard full of paper? Right. What would that be?

Yeah. He turns it to the camera. It's just the word run written in the app. I know that this is 2014, but there's a strange lack of electronic devices. There are no smartphones. There, there, there, no one even has a fucking blackberry in this. I mean, no, are you really still using clipboards

when your phone has a timer on it? I mean, my God. Counterpoint, I don't think anyone could stay Donald James Parker's friends. I mean, nope, are you really still using clipboards when your phone has a timer on it? I mean, my God counterpoint. I don't think anyone could stay Donald James Parker's friends if they have access to anything outside of the small town where he makes his movie fair. Fair. But of course, Scott ultimately shows up and it turns out that coach has made Scott a workout schedule for him to be a better runner.

And Sally and Gramps are also there because they wanna run around the track because, Senator James Parker insisted on being in all of the scenes. Yeah, and there's also this weird moment where Chelsea explains to Scott that the most important part of running is suffering. Yes, like Jesus, which Gramps talked about.

Yeah, cross country, the key is ignoring very important signals from your body that you should stop doing the thing you're doing. Yes. Right. This movie is not Catholic. So yeah, but this is also when we learned that there's a 5K downtown next month and I assumed at the time that that was going to be the all-valley tournament where he would finally beat Graham's once and for all, but no, it's actually going to happen in act two.

No, this movie has like seven races and none of the matter. Right. And also, I have to point out this great moment at the end of the scene because they invite Scott to go running with them. And later on, at the beginning of the next scene, he will have gone running with them, but Scott misunderstood or something. So at the end of this scene, they're like, yeah, let's go running and Scott's like, all right, I'll see you guys later. And he turns and he walks the other way. So good. Okay. I was just checking the grass over here. I'm back. Let's do the thing that

we just moments ago said that I'm doing this all makes sense. I have something I want to rewind back a little bit to the to earlier in the scene. There's a point where Sally is talking about wanting to be in the Olympics, wanting to get into running. And Chelsea says, oh, I can help her reach her dream. And I'm thinking this poor girl has been exposed to multi-level marketing rhetoric already. It's such a young age. Sally, what if I told you you could start your very own business from the comfort of your own? Yeah. I can't afford not to.

Yeah. So that actually comes from the next thing, Rick. So they get done with their running. And this is where Gramps and Sally and Chelsea and Chelsea's dad all meet, right? Yeah. This is where Scott goes like, wow, I can't believe I just ran four miles and I'm like, well, I can't believe you never broke a sweat while doing it. I can't believe you did it in a turtle neck.

The same turtle you've been wearing throughout this entire fucking movie. I love this failed again. This is him writing the goddamn script. This failed attempt for him to use an analogy to help Sally realize that she too could be a great runner. He goes, well, hey, Sally, how do you eat an elephant? And Sally goes, and I love you too, Sally. I don't eat elephants.

Please don't try to do an analogy. I can tell that's what you're doing. It's going to be dumb. No. Right. And then Chelsea's like, no, you eat it one bite at a time. And she's like, that's not an answer to my question. He's like, no, because you have to run one bite at a time. Oh, no. Oh, no. Chelsea's dad is nodding like some prime wisdom is about to be delivered. And I'm so happy to have

a front row seat to this. They're talking about the the philosophy of I was so, it's so boring. Running is so boring and now they're talking about the philosophy surrounding it. Yes. God. They made a movie about it. Really wanted a local Sudanese kid to just burn the shed out of all of them. Fuck. Sally never mind.

Never mind that guy's just better at it than us. Fuck. So all right. So now DJP is going to teach Scott how to drive and this is I believe this entire bot line exists just so that Donald J's Parker would have a moment to bitch about how kids drive these days with their cell phones and their excessive lane changes. Yeah, I found it a little bit hard to concentrate on his driving lesson while he was wearing the Cleveland hate crime mascot. Yeah. Oh, that didn't age well and he was hoping it wouldn't, I think. Yeah.

But Graham starts off with this big long lecture about how important it is to not talk on your cell phone and not text away. I'm like, yep, yep. And he's like, and then don't even talk to the other people in the car. And I'm like, fucking what? I honestly, look, I don't love a lot about this movie, but if the rest of this movie was just Donald driving in total and complete silence next to his grandson.

And shushing him every time he tried to suck. Two more hours to Cleveland. Is Jesus an exception? Can you talk to Jesus? Oh, if you need him to take the wheel, you kind of hours to Cleveland. Is Jesus an exception? Can you talk to Jesus? Oh, if you need him to take the wheel, you kind of have to. Great question. Oh, absolutely. And then after this giant model log about like, don't get distracted, he puts it in

a CD and starts listening to Christian music. Yes. Yes, that Scott will later point out that he fucking hated, yeah. But yeah, so they, they try. We watch him drive in a circle around a parking lot. I'm like, well, four left turns. He's ready for NASCAR, I guess. He's not. I can't do much else. It's so long watching a car drive super slow in a sort of and this is building to more running. Yeah. That's what's going to happen. This is an interlude. I mean, by contrast, the running is very exciting. That's it. Yeah, that's what's going to happen. This is an interlude. I mean, by contrast, the running is very exciting.

That's it. Yeah, he had to calm things down a little bit from all of those exciting thighs that we were seeing. Also, didn't he say driving is the most complicated thing people do? Yeah, like some more than others, bro. It's definitely the most complicated thing. Donald James Parker. Even more complicated than running.

Yeah. He says that and then they drive in a slow circle. It's amazing. So, and then so now we have to drill down on that one time that Donald James Parker read a book. He read a book, a whole fucking book and he was very proud of it. So he worked that into the movie. It's time for him to recommend Dan DeLien Wine.

Okay. It's not even a book. It's a collection of essays recommend Dan DeLion Wine. Okay. It's not even a book. It's a collection of essays. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Yep. Oh, I could have sworn that was a book. I mean, the Christians call the Bible a book and it's kind of a collection of

it. And that's true. That's fair. I'm sure it's stories. You ever think to yourself when you were like a kid and you were in English class and they'd like make you read some fucking obscure nothing essay or excerpt from a kid and you were in English class and they'd like make you read some fucking obscure nothing essay or excerpt from a novel and you just be like, I know about books. Why don't we ever, ever study the books that people are reading? That's because people like Donald James Parker are

reading the excerpts from English textbooks. Yeah, that's all they ever want to read their whole life. Yeah, but it's so Scott's like, I'm gonna go get a job today. And Bram's is like, well, before you do, read this excerpt from apparently a short story that I have printed out in advance and not printed out like on a computer, like go on to a copy machine, right? And copy over a paperback version of. They actually have a copy machine. Yeah, right? And copy it over a paperback version of. They actually have a copy machine at Blockbuster. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a And then after driving around the parking lot a few times, he had Scott take him to office

max and just a big choice video. And yeah. So, okay, so then we get this incredibly useless again. We'll never hear it. Like this is, we're almost entirely done with this spotlight, but Scott is going to go to the grocery store now to apply for a job and apparently get an interview that very same day. And I don't have much to say on this scene, except that the boss that's about to hire

him asks about his religion, make sure he's sufficiently Christian. Yep. Before as a condition of hiring him. Are you thinking about becoming pregnant? No, no. You can't ask any of this. She also says that the last guy she hired stopped looking for work after she hired him. I wrote in my notes, I mean, yeah, it's because he gave him a job.

So that works. Yeah. But that's why the job is available. The last guy was a liar and he was lazy and she says, are you a liar and lazy? And he's like, nope, I go to church and she's like, oh, hired. Then I love that Scott is instantly able to just ace the acting like a Christian during an interview in a small town. Yeah, even though he's apparently only gone to church once and that was really more

for the bitches than anything. Yeah, exactly. Well, for the food. This is a job at a grocery store and they acted like, oh, you're going to have to be genius at this. They're going to ask to be genius at this. They're going to ask you how many windows in New York City in order to stop shelves. If we shrink you down to the size of a nickel and throw you in a blender, yeah, I just,

my favorite moment in this entire interview is when she goes, you know, there are literally hundreds of young men that want this job. I'm like, those are the fuck they're not. I wanted him to walk out and there's just like a mob of young men waiting. Sorry guys, I got it. My. So yeah, so he goes home to tell mom the good news. And now of course, he really wants to read Dandelion wine because he was so inspired by that excerpt that he got. Yeah, they have to do this very old man's screen about how eight dollars an hour is plenty.

Yep. Right? Well, Scott, you can't drive. You would need to pay for insurance. He's like, don't worry, I'm being paid the very generous amount of eight dollars an hour, which is actually above minimum wage now. Yeah, right.

Yeah, exactly. This was made in 2014 for fun. And then of course Sally comes through and she's like, I've learned to love reading because of Ray Bradbury's Dandelion wine now. We're off to the library to go get Anne of Green Gables. Oh my God. Donald James Parker's list of books for young women is second only to his list of racist hero.

It has Nancy Drew. He brings up Nancy Drew Mr. He says out loud. We're going to read all the canon, the whole canon, you know, Hannah Green Gables, the secret garden Nancy Drew. What the fuck is that? There's schlafly's autobiography. Oh, so by the way, you shouldn't bring up a ray Bradbury thing when you're definitely somebody who has done a book burning before in your life. And right.

Also, I have to point this out throughout this entire scene, whenever they pan back to the foreshot, the camera is like three degrees off kilter and it almost made me throw up. So but Gramson and Sally wonder off to go get more books or whatever, more of those classic books. I love that the mom is saying that she's been trying to get Sally to start reading, especially these books for so long. I wrote in my notes, Grams can easily get her to read these books because he has a PP and that's how God planned it.

Right. Yep. And then of course Scott gets all upset because they're paying more attention to Gramps than him and he gauzes way out the door once more. He isn't a rabid, frothing rage that someone spent two sentences talking about something that is into him. Yep. So then we cut to Scott's bad friends trying to convince him to engage in a criminal enterprise with them. Donald James Parker, how drug dealing works, it's the bad. They're like, hey, man, we're going to be drug mules later.

Do you want to join us? And he's like, I don't know about weed. And they're like, oh, no, no, man, we're going to be drug mules later. Do you want to join us? And he's like, I don't know about weed. And they're like, oh, no, no, no. We're trafficking crack cocaine at a park in the middle of Tennessee. Right. Where are you trapping? Do you guys don't even have a car?

Or so? I heard that we can get the good shit that Greg Locke is snorting. Let's do it. Right. They're mulling the crack from like the park to the grocery store parking lot. Exactly.

Well, I mean, there's a serious demand with the hundreds of young men out there. Yeah. They're just sitting there shitting out balloons. Guys, that was like a six minute drive. I don't think it goes through. Checkpoint. At a certain point, you just like swallowing condoms. Yeah.

So I know they're going for the message that, oh, it's bad because you, you know, kids become drug dealers like us. I literally quit working at a grocery store to be a drug dealer in life. And it went fucking great. Well, because they were paying you eight dollars a fucking hour. That's economic. God, they're paying me less than that. Well, yeah, right.

I mean, noticeably less than that. It was 425 when I was working at a grocery hour. That's economic. God, they're paying me less than that. Well, yeah, right. They're paying me noticeably less than that. It was 425 when I was working at a grocery store. So yeah, so that night he sneaks out to go drug milling and this is where we meet Drew's best worst, right? The cicadas. Oh, they absolutely drowned the dialogue for this entire fucking scene. It's so amazing.

I feel like Scott hired these cicadas. I don't know how any of you have fucking notes on this scene. My entire note for this scene is just like, I don't know, man, crickets can't hear the movie. I had to turn it up just full blast to be able to hear the dialogue. And by the end, I was completely deaf. Yeah, I had the subtitles on.

So, and luckily the subtitles didn't just say secade it in voices. I was about to say, the subtitle guy had to be like, also crickets constantly. So yeah, so he goes to sneak out, but Graham sketches him in confronts him because he overheard their conversation about drug muleing from before, right?

And Graham's is like, you know, I know what you're out to do. I should take you to a prison so you can be scared straight or something. And so I say, actually those programs don't actually, they don't have to work. Actually, in fact, they're, they're worse for the kids. Yeah, it is. So just to be too recitative. Technically, statistically, wait, you lost me. What did you say?

Right. Yeah. He also explains that if he's not careful, he'll end up a slave, just like you learned about in school. What? Oh my God, I love this part. He's like, you ever learned about slavery in school? It's got like, no, this is Tennessee.

We don't learn about that CRT bullshit. It's actually illegal. I was, my notes are all like, we're fucking going with the scramps. Where the fuck you going, man? Yeah, I might not be able to say like, we're fucking going with this, where the fuck you going, man? Yeah, I want it's got to be like, oh, slavery, yeah, let's talk about slavery. Let's really quick grab your Bible. I want to, I want to talk about what that says about slavery. That's a good point.

Well, apparently Scott has not been taught about slavery in school because he explains that being a teenager is just like being a slave. Yes. As soon as Gramps brings up, do you want to be a slave? I thought that it was going to go in a completely different direction. I thought it was going to end up with, well, you can be a slave for Christ. Oh, interesting.

Well, I don't think anyone could have possibly predicted where it actually was going. Listeners, you don't know yet. You think you do, but you don't. Yes, he's going to say you'd be a slave to the drugs. But what he says is God made us master of the plants. But when you do drugs, you become a slave of plants. What the fuck was happening? The drug addiction is not bad. He's like, yeah, because of the how it harms you. Drug addiction is bad because then plants have, have dimined over you and that's just unnatural. Right. He seems to think he names all the drugs. He's like, yeah, cocaine

comes from the coke a plant and the marijuana that's what he seems to think the problem with drugs is that they're plant based. Right. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and leaves. Yeah. Fantastic. That's why I do 12 sheets of acid before I run. It's great. Scott just takes out some toad venom and starts smoking it. And he's like, oh, that's actually animal based. I told you that running is a natural. It's a natural.

It helps me get close to God. That in the LSD, you know, yeah, right, right. Scott, have you ever seen the documentary The Happening? It's just like that. So it, but he explains you can't start smuggling drugs. You have too many good things going on in your life. He's like, like what? And he's like, running, bagging groceries for $8 an hour.

I bet that girl Chelsea would fuck you. Oh, okay. He says that, but he writes in himself the line of not remembering the female characters name. Yes. He's like, what about that girl? What's her name? Shelbert. No, it's not cello.

It's Chelsea. Yeah, how biblical of him. In his defense, he's pretty engrossed with Sally. All other women have just fallen by the way. That's true. Yeah, they're all Sally to him now. Oh, Jesus. And Scott is like, well, I'm too much of a loser for a hot chick like Chelsea. And he's like, the only real losers are the people who aren't my religion. Don't be a fucking loser and go to hell Scott. Yes So okay, so but Scott's talked out of drug muleing for the evening

So he goes back inside and this is where I realized that the front door of this house has been open the entire time 1500 cicadas are now My dead father showed up in the scene to yell at everybody. I'm going to say air conditioning the whole neighborhood. So the next day, oh, this is so good. The next day Scott sees TJ and he tells him that Troy and Adam, the punk friends got busted for drug muleing last night. Now they're going to be in prison forever.

If it hadn't been for grabs, he also would have been busted. Yeah. When he says, if it hadn't been for grabs, it's got like, go. Does anyone talk about anything except grabs? And T.J. is like, I mean, no, he wrote the script. He wrote the moves. This reminds me of the gag in the office where they're talking about blogging and creed at one point says, yeah, everyone, when I get online, everyone's talking about blogging and creed at one point says, yeah, everyone when I get online, everyone's talking about Betty White. I follow this guy because he's not talking about Betty White. Everyone else is.

That's the vibe I got. So, yeah, but so TJ though is now inspired to go find a job and go to church too because he saw how awesome things were going for Scott. We will never see TJ again. We're done with that character. No, he walks off into the distance. And also, it's now time for the big race for the big five K, which to be clear, we should point out it's not the finale of the movie. Not at all. It's one of two big races. Yeah. It happened. What we're like an hour or something into the movie and I was like, fuck, it's going to be like another hour of this race. Yeah. Right. Are we

watching the whole race in real time? Oh, by this time in the movie, I had very few conscious thoughts. I always sloshed. I was crossfaded by this time. So I was really enjoying myself. Just watching Drew do lines off the DVD case in Gramsys to be coming to slave to some plants. Right. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, but so Scott explains that it wouldn't even count if he beat Gramsys at this race because Gramsys is going to be running with Sally.

So he's not going to be trying his best. And Chelsea's like, well, you're not good enough to keep up with me. So I don't know the fuck you're going to run with. And this is where we meet the reigning state champ and Scott's competition. Yes, Duke. Duke Snyder, though. There's a famous baseball player from the Brooklyn Dodgers that Donald James Parker clearly knows.

There's so many names. Haven't be Duke. Anything. He was just like Duke. I'm trapped in Snyder and he kept it. That's all. Yep. And look far be it from the to body shame anybody, but Duke comes over and he's like, yeah,

I'm the reigning state track champion. And I'm like, with those tits, Duke, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no to make him like, you know, a good swimmer, maybe you could get away. If you wanted to make him a good football player, you

could definitely get away with that. There's no fucking way. This kid is a run. He's run and run and run, but he's never escaped those man titties. No, something you can't run away from true story. But yeah, so he shows up. He starts flirting with Chelsea. And meanwhile, we cut back to Sally telling Gramps how awesome he is in the script he wrote again. Again. Whew. And she's, and she's bitching about what a pain in the ass.

Scott isn't and Donald James Berger's like, oh, don't worry. I'm sure he'll change fundamentally in the next act at some point. So, and then we watch people run for bad two and a half, three minutes. Oh my God, so long. So, fun fact here, I did some research on the movie, this stock footage from other real life races was actually this film's largest expense. Really?

Oh! That's amazing. Not shocked. They tried to get some Boston marathon, you know when they were going for some? Oh, that's amazing. Not shocked. They tried to get some Boston marathon, you know, when they were going for some... Oh, geez. But it didn't go over very well. They had to scrap that part of it.

So it's where the budget went. Well, right, because you could see Brown people in the background, yeah. To blur them all out. Yeah. We discovered everybody. We found it. Yeah, it was about to show up eventually. I was just thinking they didn't want this scene to be that explosive.

So but they we watch him race for a while. Gramps ends up Gramps and Sally end up outracing Scott because he sucks. And like everybody goes to the finish line. Chelsea comes back to get him and she's like, Hey, you know, I'll run to the finish line with you if you want, you know, since I had time to like, you know, get a drink of water and apparently change out of all my sweaty clothes into something completely dry again. And, and of course he has to go all his way through this as well. Why wasn't I good at the thing I just started to do right away? Right. So, oh, okay. So now it's time for them to hand out medals still nothing for Chubaka. This is the order in which they hand out the medals. Third place in girls 13

and under that goes to Sally directly to first place in girls 14 to 17 that goes to Chelsea directly to third place in men 60 and over. Of course that goes to Donald James Parker. I would like to point out that when they announced that he came in third, I wrote as a joke in my notes, but he totally could have come in first. And then the next words out of Sally's mouth were, well, you totally could have come in first, Greg. Yes. Yeah, you weren't even trying. And you still got a medal. It's like, I cannot help but get a medalist I just can't not get a medal. It's I'm surprised that he was even allowed to compete in the 65 and older on account of how young he Show us a our peak are to even get in yeah

So yeah, so and then I love to Scott's like hey Chelsea would you like to maybe go out and just then Yeah, Duke slides it and he says hey you want to go out with me. She's like, Hey, Chelsea, would you like to maybe go out and just then do slide in and he says, Hey, you want to go out with me? She's like, here's my number. Actually, she, she gives us a real phone number. She sure does. No, five, five, five bullshit here. Yeah. Steve Holt runs and he's like, Steve Holt, date me. And she's like, okay, here's my phone ever. So Scott, what were you just saying? Did you say, will you maybe go out with something? What is that? Where did you want me to go out? Scott is just completely sick of getting cucked by Gramps

for this entire film. And at this point, it's just too much. He looks at Chelsea like you, or, dude, you gave him a real phone number. Right, yeah, you should need at least a 5-5-5 something. How dare you? You're a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more

like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more you go Sally. I wanted that crazy announcer to be like, okay, 16 over third place. Gramps, last place in 16 to 19 is Scott. Those are the four things I announced. There

you go. All right. So they go to leap. But before they can, Gramps needs to have a heart to heart with Scott. And he starts his heart to heart off by explaining what great shape he's in for a 65 year old. Scott, look at my thighs. Look at the tendons, look at the muscles. Like a deer, Scott, I'm like a god damn kangaroo. But he explains that you got to stick with it, Scott, at least through the third act. There's no way you're going to get it in with that attitude, Scott. You want to get some pussy or that attitude, Scott. You want to get some pussy or not. Right. Right. And he's like, well, I guess I'd feel better if you took me to lunch and he's like, how about we go to Chick-fil-A because they're

vicious homophobes. He literally gives them the Chick-fil-A act. Yep. Yep. It's just an independent unasked for ad for homophobia. Right. You know the Donald James Parker hit up chickfully like, hey, can I get a little bit of a kickback for a commission against free waffle fries with every purchase, right? No, absolutely not, but we will hire your actors to be exact types that we're going for. Yeah. Yeah. Dear Mr. Follay. Yeah. Because I am banned from one of your restaurants after I was born. The tube top incident.

I am hoping that this peace gesture and maybe no one's reason to build can amend the bridge between us. All right, well, I'll tell you what, suffering through an unsolicited, unpaid, homophobic chicken ad is planning to earn us another break, but first let me give the act three of the hard cell.

Will Scott sufficiently put his left foot in front of his right foot? Will Scott then sufficiently put his right foot in front of his left foot? Will Scott then sufficiently repeat? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the loony conclusion of in Grams' shoes. Is it Drew you believe in magic? Hi, I'm genetically modified skeptic. You know, burnout can take a lot of forms, lack of motivation, feeling helpless or traps,

detachment, fatigue, or even being unable to fathom what another person's name is short for. I bet it's name is short for. I bet it's Drew Seale Ball. No, that's why there's better help online therapy. Better help is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist

in under 48 hours. Drew be Drew be Drew. No. And best of all, God awful movies listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash awful. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash awful. Andrew. Hey, yeah, you got it.

No, you didn't let me finish. Andrew Cydell. No, no, my first name is not Andrew Cytel. Beans. All right, Scotty, I know kids these days do all sort of stuff to distract them while they drive, but I need you to know that that isn't gonna happen in my car.

There will be no changing the CD or the eight track. There will be no texting and there will be no talking. Wait, Grandpa, you don't want me to speak while we drive? That's right! You and I will sit here in total silence while you drive no matter how long the trip. Complete and total silence. Okay. Hey, there kiddo, you're ready for your next driving lesson? I sure am, Grandpa, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind teaching my friend Eli Bosnick

first. Hi Gramps, well sure, get right in, sport. Shall I go over the basics for you? Oh oh oh, no need grandpa, no need. Well grandpa, what did you think of the driving lesson with Eli? God is dead and now I know who killed him. That's what I thought. You want to listen to some music?

Anything to drown out the screaming? And we're back for still more of this shit and we're going to rejoin the action with mom and Sally and the kitchen chatting about Dan DeLion whine some more when Scott comes in to tell him that he's passed his driver's test. Yeah. He's like, I got my driver's license. I'm going to take a girl on a date and the sisters like, well, you could drive me around and I wrote in my notes. He has a combination of those ideas.

I don't even understand what that means. So I like that she adds, oh, grandpa has taken care of that pretty well already. Right. I'm sure she has. I'm sure he has. He's been riding me all over. I mean, driving that pretty well already. Right. I'm sure she has. You've been writing me all over time and driving me all over town. Yeah. Kelly, you don't have any guests or guests.

Do you? So, mom's like, oh, you got your driver's license. We should celebrate with my new boyfriend. And Gramps is like, really, three, we're gonna introduce this character, why would we wait this long? We knew this act was coming. Oh me, I'm so disappointed in you. Right, yeah, exactly.

But yeah, everybody's a little iffy about mom dating again. And she's like, no, even Gramps will like him. He doesn't smoke or drink and he's super religious. I think, yeah, sounds like a blast. This guy. Also, does she imply that it's her boss or at least her superior in the company? Oh, gosh, yeah.

I missed that. Yes, she does. He's a big shot around the office too. So you know, he's flush just like Gramps. Yeah, all right. Like blockbuster money. So the kids all wander off and and Gramps and mom, Amy, have a, have a quick one on one here. Gramps is, I barely wondering if the movie should be over.

And I was like, we already did the 5k. What am I even still doing here? Right? Yeah. So yeah, I was thinking about maybe leaving the house. Wait, hold on. Do you have a man lined up to take over her ownership of you? Right. And she's like, yeah, no, me and Peter, from the office, who's my boss, we talked about marriage after lunch a few times. Right? She says lunch a few times, and then it's,

are you thinking about getting married? And she's like, yeah, pretty much. We've talked about it. Yeah. What the fuck's happening? At the third lunch. Yeah. They're gonna have a sad, sad shitty old person wedding with a bunch

of traditions that don't make sense for them. Their dad can't walk them down the aisle because he's dead. Well, he, I mean, he's, actually, it looks very young. He looks very, very and good. Very, very, very, very good. You know, DJP's jogging down the aisles on the run. Yeah. Doing laps around her literally. Yeah. Doing laps around her. I know you want me to wear a suit, but can I still wear my running shoes? And shorts, show off these thighs. Will you walk down the aisle to cherry? It's a fire. I'd love more socks for me. And they end this scene with I love you. And she's like, not quite. It goes the other way. That's the fucked up thing is that Amy says,

you know, dad, I really appreciate you. And Gramps goes, I love you too. And he's like, no, you can't just put a two in there. That doesn't count. Just to be clear, I didn't say, cut, cut, cut, cut. It's it. We have it. You love me.

Gramps definitely prematurely emotionally ejaculated there. Yeah. It was sad. He says, I bet you'll tell me you love me before this movie is over. It's like, well, you wrote the fucking script. I bet the fuck I won't. And then, okay, so we cut to After Dinner the next day, though, with the family meeting mom's new boyfriend, right?

This is Peter and he is trying way too hard. Okay, yeah, he is. The whole thing's awkward, but just strategically, maybe don't line up the family like a panel of judges on boyfriends got talent along the couch there. And then treat it like a fucking dog show where just like grabbing his balls, checking the heat. No. Oh, I have to say in this scene, Scott's energy immaculate.

Oh, yes. Best scene for Scott. Scott is amazing. That Peter goes, well, what do you want to talk about? Scott's like teen suicide. It's so good. No, let's talk about something that I want to talk about. Great.

Teen suicide. You having any good bits about teen suicide? Fucking Peter. You know that Donald James Parker watched a lot of the news in the 90s. Just that's the first thing that a teenager wants to talk to someone at my school fucking died. They killed themselves. Let's, let's talk about it.

Yeah. And Gramps has to chime in here. He's like, I just want to say fuck suicide people. Right. Well, Gramps and mom take a minute to blame the suicidal girl for being too weak. Yeah. Yeah. That's the Christian answer if you're sad You gotta just rub some dirt and it walk it off walk off the suicide. You must not love Jesus enough Sally turns to Gramps and she's like, Gramps, did you ever seek the void and he's like, oh, no But then but then Peter's like I'm not sure I agree exactly with that.

And Scott again is amazing. He's like, interesting. Peter, you talk more now about the episode. So you're, you're differing viewpoint to Gramps. Peter, you don't agree with Gramps. Tell me more about this. Right. Right.

Exactly. And and easily. So what would be the secret to happiness in your your mind then, Peter, and Peter's like, your mom's vagina, you know what, let me rephrase, I'm gonna rephrase, I'm gonna go back, I'm gonna, it's a woman that loves you. Okay, yeah, his answer's pretty fucking good though. He's like, you know, love and art

and helping other people, those are the important things in life. And then Gramps has a rebuttal to that. Right, he just starts throwing poop at him. Like he's like, he's like, no, no, good works. Well, he makes everybody beg him for his opinion. Right. Right. He's like, well, I guess I shouldn't say what I think that

and everyone's like, no, please, Gramps is what it says in the script. Hahaha. Hahaha. Tell us, tell us what you think about. Check my notes here. Good deeds and love. They're bullshit. Bullshit, I what you think about. Check my notes here. Good deeds and love. They're bullshit.

Bullshit, I tell you. Yes. No, he's like, he's super clear. He's like, you know, Peter, it's not about improving yourself and being a better person. It's about loving Jesus. And Peter's like, you know, this is your movie, right? You're the hero with, okay.

All right, man. And then Peter's like, well, okay, if we're trying to do it, God wants, wouldn't God have to like tell us that? Let's show up and talk once ever. And then Donald G. Sparger has to be like, counter-argument, cut. I'm leaving.

I talk to God all the time. Cool. Yeah. Right. And then Peter literally is like, cool, good to know. time. Cool. Yeah. Right. And then Peter literally is like, cool, good to know. I'm leaving. Yeah. Well, I have to point out this line too.

You know, Donald James Parker is like, you know, if it was about following what you wanted instead of what Jesus wanted, why I could be the most popular televangelist to the entire world. But yeah, that's something that you want to be a televangelist. Is the goal? Yeah, but he's like, but Jesus would rather I make shitty YouTube movies that get 66,000 views a year. Most of which are from a podcast that hates movies.

Yeah. Oh, I have sought the void, Kelly. I have sought the void, Kelly. I have sought the void. I'm just vampire university guy with a giant line at the job fair. Franklin Graham next to him like, oh, no. Besides for Scott's energy in this, the shit stirring, my favorite bit of this is that the liberal Christian is the one that's getting more triggered and the conservative Christian is just sitting there completely cool headed. It's so accurate. My yeah, right.

Yeah, so everybody leaves leaving Peter and the mom Amy together and I let they just they linger on this scene just long enough for Peter to go, hey, um, if we did get married, you're Your dad would move the fuck out, right? Like we could move him the fuck out. And she's like, oh, yeah, so God, yeah, don't don't worry. I haven't even told him I love him. He is. And then they share a very romantic side hug to close the sea off.

It's great. These two actors aren't married. So Donald James Parker was like, well, I can't have you kiss. I won't send you to jail for my movie. So, uh, just rub your foreheads together like baby tiger. So okay, now it's dinner the next day. Scott is telling him how difficult his schedule is getting. This will never matter in any Fucking way to the movie Sure won't right. He's like, well, you know, I'm trying to run track and work a job and go to school all at the same time. This is an insane amount of shit

to be asking of a 16 year old kid. And then, and then of course scrap solves this problem by invoking something from 1943 or some dumb shit. He's like, he says that he should get a job share. Yeah. Right. It's just like, no, you tell, you tell a guy from the tennis thing that he has your job now. And then you have it in the winter. And then you can both split the nickel at the penny candy store.

I haven't been in the workplace for 20 fucking years. Yeah. And Sally, of course, explains that the coach thinks she's going to be a great runner, but not so much Scott because he sucks. And then he gauze his way out of the scene once again. Yeah. Doesn't Sally say that she gets to run varsity next year? Yeah. Yeah. Very strange for a 13 year old. I'm thinking, yeah, they want you to run varsity because

you're 35 years old. Right. Yeah. And nobody's buying that 13 bullshit anymore. And Gramps was like, you know, maybe I'm pushing Scott too hard. And Sally says, and I quote, you can push me, Gramps. I like the challenge. Oh, God.

Yeah, I have in my notes immediately at that point. Be careful what you wish for, Sally. I'll show you a real challenge, keeping my erection while we do those. Yes, Christ. And then, okay, it's later on, Gramps is doing dumbbell shrugs. I don't even know what to call this.

Scott walks in and he's like, Arm Day getting yoked, you know. He has some where he got them. He's like, Arm Day getting yoked. You know. Yes, I'm where he got them. He's like, where'd you get those? Yeah. And Chris is like, I got these units of mass at the local sporting goods store getting yokes. Yeah, it's.

Yeah. So if you ever seen one of those ladies that like power walks with the five pound weights in the mall, he's doing that without the power. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, so but Scott has come in to challenge grabs to a weekly two mile race until Scott can beat him.

Oh my God. This whole movie is about fucking racing and they never just do a single lap around a track. It's always got to be the fucking. Okay. Let's play mouse trap, but human size. Yeah. No, so, so then we get, I actually, this, this is a three minute and 12 second running montage. Sure is. They had to use the whole song. That was the condition of this fucking singer songwriter. It was the, okay, but by, you have to use my whole fucking song in your montage.

Right. And to be clear, it's a running montage of Donald James Parker and whoever the fuck this teenager are. It's not like great runners. So we're just watching Donald James Parker jog a little faster than I do when I have an IBS into there for three minutes and 12 seconds. Well, we watch push ups, not Donald James Parker, of course, and sit-ups, not title James Parker, of course. But yeah, mostly, mostly running.

And Scott getting, getting yoked by curling one way. He said he's all like sweating it out to slowly curl this tiny little weight. Hey, he's, he's not going for bulk. He's going for tone like I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sure nothing wrong with that. So, but yeah, and by the end of the montage, Scott has beat Gramps at a race and I'm like, isn't that what the whole fucking movie was about? Scott might as well run up and be like, okay, Gramps, what are the

stakes of the movie now? You're right. Yeah, and he's like, ah, by the way, I beat you, each shit old man and grabs his like, I'm really proud of you. And he's like, well, you're fucking up my revenge thing, you asshole. But then, just, we are about to kick this shit into high gear. Oh, yeah, we are.

Just then, drunk abusive dad shows up. Now, we have not met this character, so they have to establish that he's drunk abusive dad. So they have him finish a beer on his way up to the porch. He might as well like finish a beer crumple a photo of him and his family and then head up to the porch. Okay, we got my first impression when I see the dad is, is that John Goodman just a foot shorter? So he goes stumbling up, drunkenly stumbling up the porch and he's like, Amy, come out here.

I want to talk to you. And then Scott runs out and he's like, no, I'm going to beat you up if you try to mess with my mom this time. And then he pushes him off the porch, which was fun. I enjoyed watching the dead fall, but Scott yells at that point. He's like, well, you have the porch. Oh, like a willhelm scream. And then he's like, did I just scream? He feels like you would have, okay.

Yeah. I don't know how much of it was actually intentional. I'm sure they wanted this to be incredibly unsettling, but the poor editing and filming here made this so much genuinely more intensely scary, unnerving. I thought that I might actually witness a prop incident and the violence would be real. That's fair because yeah, it's just then abusive dad gets up and he goes back to his car to get his gun. And then Alec Baldwin steps out. Yeah, right.

Oh, no. Don't worry, I checked it for you, buddy. Go in here. So then so they start wrestling for the gun. Gramps jumps in between abusive dad and Scott and gets shot. Bloodlessly because he wasn't going to mess up his fucking running shirt over this scene. And then he does some death acting.

He's dead acting. Okay, podcast listener, if as we've been doing this podcast, you have found our imitation of him in a high falsetto irritating, I would encourage you to watch his death monologue, which is truly sillier than anything we've done as an imitation of him for the entire length of this podcast. Dude is just edging the whole world. He's so fast. The little mouth movement he makes in between talking.

I can't believe he's not making fun of his movie when he does that. It seems like he's dying of soup that's a little too hot. Oh, this is where my best stuff comes in. Oh, when he says, I've reached the finish line. Oh, it's, it's, this is the true climax of the film. And, and that has, yeah, I do mean two things with that. And, and for the blood at the very end of the scene, he's got his hand on his tummy.

Yes. And then it cuts and his hand has a very small amount of ketchup on it. It's a whole chick filet pack. Yes, exactly. Exactly. That's what I had as well. I was like, well, wow, they use that whole packet.

You just cut to him scraping the, you catch up off with waffle fries after the cut, you know. It was a really clever move to use a red shirt in this scene, because they could use significantly less ketchup. Right. That's it. So, but he dies at length. He died.

Oh, mom says she loves him just as he's dying. He's like, see, I told you. And then he dies, right? I wrote the movie. Yeah. So then we cut to mom. She's like, all right, kids, well, you know, Gramps left a will, but he also left notes for you guys.

And she explains what each of them is getting, right? But like fucking Dom Pardo or something. Yeah, I also just, there's a tiny moment during the wheel reading where Sally's like, why did God let Grandpa die? And mom's like, that's a fucking great question, Sally. Moving on. Anyways, he gave you some money and some fucking insurance. That's right. Yeah, God. I can do anything I want. That's a good thing. I think he really wanted to hang out with Gramps right now, you know, I mean, because he's so sexually attractive to God probably.

Right. So it looks so young for his age. Yeah. But so we learned that Gramps left Scott, his car and six years worth of insurance money. And so that Sally wouldn't be left out. He left her enough money to buy his car and six years worth of insurance money. If I was Scott, I would blow that whole water cash out there in the park. Oh, fuck yeah.

Yeah, just buy drugs and become a plant slave. Yeah. It's just so silly, the, the like little pathetic fantasy that Donald has to engage in. It's just like, wait, because it's his movie. Grab a lift of some million dollars. We'll never want for anything again. Here is my coupon book, which is only half used. A frozen yogurt card with six stamps. This is a 94 Nissan

centra. There's a blue book value. Very good. Scott, you know how many times we can eat at loobies with all this? Right. Well, Well, oh, and this is also, of course, where mom has to explain that was actually her that had money problems the whole time. And there's like, oh, if you're gonna reveal it like that, then what was the point of having that as an element in the story, right? Great question.

Yeah. So yeah. And then they all fantasize about how Gramps is probably jogging with Jesus or something Mm-hmm. You see the place where there is only one set of footprints Yeah, that's where Jesus got shins So so Scott heads over to Chelsea's place apparently Chelsea missed Gramps's funeral for a cross country meet Why you didn't have to put that in

the movie. It's his fucking movie. Oh, sorry, but you know, I'm pretty serious student athlete. No, I get it. I get it. And she's like, yes, are you had to miss the cross country meet for your grandpa's funeral? And he's like, so am I curiously, so. There's also this bizarre moment. Okay. Someone helped me out with this where Scott explains that Gramps' cross necklace from before deflected the bullet to a different fatal spot. But it still killed him. Why?

Why add that? They say that it deflected it to a different place, which allowed Bram's a few extra seconds of lucidity so that he could punch the dude in the face. Oh, so they could beat up the guy who shot. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So flash cut to heaven, God being like, all right, we're going to do the cross-stopping a bullet thing, but not stopping necessarily.

It's just going to go to the kidney. Okay. Because I really wanna hang out with Donald James Parker. Okay, what if it just bounces back and hits the shooter? What if we do that? It was now, you see, I have already done, I already locked it in. I already hit enter. Okay, we just need to workshop these things.

But God, just really, you know, ask questions before you start doing stuff. They had to have Gramps die because that's the only way that Donald James Parker can be analogous to Jesus himself. Right. Right. I'm actually surprised. This is the first. I believe the first time we've seen Donald J. Parker's character die at the end of one of these and that shocking to me. Scott is very moved by this because he says that he now understands the Christian message now that someone's died for him. But if you think about it, this only makes sense if Gramps was the one also holding the gun and being like, I'm going to shoot myself in the chest. Right.

Yeah. Right. So, but Scott tells Chelsea that he wants to be just like Gramps when he grows up and Chelsea says again, and I quote, you'll have to be an amazing fit person to fill Gramps's shoes. The characters dad, there's still compliment. You'll never be that sexually virile, but it's a good goal. It's a good goal. Oh, he also had explained to Chelsea that he needs to go now to the prison where they're holding his dad and forgive him for killing Gramps.

Mm-hmm. Nope. No, you don't. You sure don't. That seems like it would be an unnecessarily traumatic thing to go through. Yeah, there's an interesting idea in Christianity that you forgive people who do terrible things and probably don't deserve forgiveness. There's nothing good they could come of that.

But you know, if there are people that do something just minutely wrong, like loving somebody who does not harm anyone to love, then fuck them. Right. Or watching pornography. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Or being a warlock. Yeah.

Famous. Famifier. So, okay. So now we cut to, we jumped cut to nine months later and Scott is about to run in the big track meet that we haven't set up or heard about until this very moment, right? And we should point out by the way,

that part of Gramps's will was to give Scott his old running shoes or his best running shoes, the ones that he was going to wear for his very last race so that the whole in-gramps his shoes thing makes sense. So it's before the race, he's talking to Chelsea and they're all talking about how nobody can ever beat Duke Snyder, the amazing Mantits runner. Center fielder, the Brooklyn Dodger. runner center field. The book of daughter. So but Peter believes in Scott apparently mom's boyfriend is still around nine months later. Mm hmm. He's a major character.

Well, you know, Grandpa died. So he technically won the theology. He got to that. No, that's true. That's true. I mean, her dad's dead. So he she just belongs to him. Right.

Right. To be paid her ownership. Had to be left her to Peter and as well. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. That's perfect. You also get a note here.

So they all pray for Scott's victory. Peter explains that if it wasn't for grabs, he would still be Christian incorrectly even to this day. So, yeah. I'm sorry. I know this is apropos of literally nothing, but I just want to say that grandpa was right earlier in the movie when we mildly disagreed about the religion we share.

Yes, exactly. So yeah, so we cut back over to Scott and Chelsea get ready for the big race. Duke comes up to flirt with Chelsea some more wants to know if if she's going to go to the prom with him. She's like, I'll let you know by the end of the movie. Yeah. And the movie forgot to make Duke the bad guy until now. So he's just like being a giant asshole for just last second to make a bad. And then Scott can beat him.

Right. So Scott comes over. They pray together. Duke is like, I don't want to pray. I'll leave this is dumb, dumb prayer. Duke saying no to the prayers. One of my favorite moments of the movie. They're just like do you want to pray with us Duke? And he's like, oh, you're serious. I'm gonna go. No, I'm just gonna run faster than you. Yeah. So Scott says a prayer with Chelsea gives her a nice romantic side hug. I love that Chelsea praise that God give him the strength and endurance to run the race not just today, but every day. I'm thinking I sincerely hope that Gramps left Scott some Viagra in the will to. So yeah, so they start the big race. They obviously wanted to use chariots of fire. Found out how

expensive that was and asked somebody's niece to get as close as she could without violating the copyright, right? Right? This is where we get heat's best worst as well. What was it? I get the blue. It's definitely the high school side. That was not up on your joke, but it's definitely the high school's name. Yeah.

But yeah, so I was dying in curiosity at the moment too. But then of course, they start running. Scott has to start flashing back to Gramps talking about all of the important Jesus stuff in the movie. They even they fucking flash back to the cicadas. Yeah, remember Scott brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrrrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrrrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrrrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr brrr br starts flashing back to conversations that Gramps had with Sally when he wasn't there. So fucking stupid.

So anyway, so we watch him run in slow motion again, crowd super into it, and Scott wins by a nose. They try to do a photo finish, but no one involved in the making of this movie has any fucking idea how you'd begin to film that. Right. So they very clearly just had these actors like place their foot down at the same time. Yeah.

Didn't it feel like he should have won by the cross swinging out because he's wearing that. Putting on the cross before the race. No, this to clever for dial jav spark or low unfortunately, zooms in and angel grams is reaching his finger out to cut the cord. Yeah. Better moving than what they made.. Better moving than what they made. He's better moving than what they made.

So he and Scott finishes the race. Now they don't know it's a photo finisher. They don't know yet that he's one. Scott says this one was for you, Gramps. Oh, and I'll bet and Jesus. Also, and Jesus. Shit. In that order.

Yes. Ha, ha, ha. So then the announcer comes out and he's like, we have ourselves a winner. It's Scott. And we're like, yeah, well, of course it was, it was, it was, it was, it was Scott. And then he's like, and finishing in second place with an identical time. And I'm like, that's not second place then. That's time I worked for first is Duke. Duke is pissed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, he's furious. He goes off to murder some puppies or something. Mm-hmm.

He's already gotten cucked by Scott once, and now it happens again. My God. Well, he even gets cucked by the scout from the University of Tennessee that might just have a scholarship for Scott. I think it's University of Texas. So we're talking about UT out here in Austin. If Scott goes to UT, he's going to lose his virginity instantly. All the gods are going to go away and have some to see fine Max's like, grams.

The minute he's in a city with more than six people in it, God and Gramps are gone for real life. Same if he goes to vampire you. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But if it is University of Tennessee, he should be fine. And that would be all right. If vampire university had come over next and just been like,

please go to the role so what he does. We've gotten here earlier, but daylight is tough for us. You know how it is. So, yeah, so he's like, I never thought I could win and chose his like, I believe, didn't you? Then why did you, Why did you pray? You could have got a scholarship in blood sport, blood sport. Well done.

Vampire you. So yeah, so then we have this incredible moment. I love this moment so fucking much because it's like three different. It's like he's asking for a date, right? There are three different false starts. He's like, you know, Chelsea, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. And she's like, really is, is there? And he's like, I feel like we could fix high school

if we eliminated clicks. She's like, that what? Oh, sure. And another thing, Chelsea, about you and me, yes. We should protest the Harry Potter series. Oh, yes. Oh, peak character development. That's what that is.

That's what grabs what a what? I'm like, no, he would have wanted to snuggle up with a 14 year old actually is what he would have wanted. Even though Chelsea is a Christian in this, you can see her dry up like Ben Shapiro's fucking wife. Yeah. She literally is just like, oh, fun. Yeah. And then he's like also, also, also,

would you like to go to the prom with me? And she's like, oh, fucking, finally. Yes, that's not exactly like Heath, but it is. Yeah, I'm going to be sure. My flirting style is definitely a block in baseball for sure. Yeah. So, and then of course, she says yes, and Duke gets cucked one more time, and then we watch

the family put gramps' shoes on the mantle. Imagine how awful it would be to actually keep sweaty running shoes on your mantle. Oh, I should forgive the smell. We just keep spraying them, but you know, they're just a bad smell in a solid form. Yeah, that's it. And that wraps it up. That is yet another installment in the Chippews. Eddie versus Don't worry. There are more. Together are. And each time we're feeling down. There won't be another one. Oh, I feel like there's a chance. There's a chance that Chippewes Eddie and Donald James Parker team up with Mark Walberg for a movie.

I think that's a possibility in the universe right now, right? I don't think so, but I hope so. Yeah, I don't know. I'm hopeful, but doubtful, but hey, why? Center of my vision, boy, dedicated himself to doing Christian movies from now on Did true? That's true guys. How long until Kevin Sorbo gussin on this? I know that he's really itching for some acting gigs Yeah, I can't get them because of this conservative view How long until he's in one of these moves? Okay, well that that one is inevitable. Yeah

I'll die that day. I'll die of happiness that day. So true. Was it everything that you hoped it would be? Oh, and more and more. Well, I'll tell you what, I can't thank you enough for joining us. Obviously, we ask an awful lot of our guests.

And just quickly, if our listeners wanted to hear more from you, where should they go? Just look up genetically modified skeptic on YouTube. I will pop up, check out some of those videos, and if you like it, subscribe, and, you know, if you really like it, I do have a Patreon as well. Awesome, and of course we'll have your channel linked on our show notes as well. And while that's going to do it for our review of Ingram's issues, we're not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to circle back right into the beginning

of this track next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. We'll be watching a sci-fi film about persecuted Christians who escaped to Mars on a spaceship called Mayflower II. But yeah, we will. I'm so excited. Cause Obi-Wan's coming out.

Yeah, no, it'll be, it'll be topical. All right, so with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 353 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to genetically modified skeptic for hanging out with us today and perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you like to got yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to Patreon.com. slash God offland there by earning an access to an ad free version of every episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review sharing the show and all your various social media platforms and telling a friend. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a the excitation a D&D minus and the skeptic are available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, you can email God off on moves to gmail.com. telling a friend. for giving us a check here live this week for Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm an Illusionist, promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The brand new running shoes on the mantle are full of pus and blood for blisters of using new shoes and attract me. Now, Donald James Parker went on to learn how transphobic JK rolling was, and now he's conflicted.

Stay tuned for Donald James Parker's newest movie, The Podcasters You Made Fun of My Movie and Got Eatin' By Bears, and we're super sorry because I totally would have taught them to beat Bucks. I would literally be 0% surprised if we showed up in one of his movies one of these days. Oh God, I would love it so much. I just want to hear the Bob that'll be that's Ricky raw Ricky Ricky raw

higher the guy to install a window unit. All right. Two listeners reached out to be like, Hey, man, um, you know you can just and I was like, I'm you can Jeff. Okay.

Of all of the Christian filmmaker, film star people that we, you know, might eventually need at some point, like he's the one I both want to meet the most and the least. Yep. Right? Yeah, he's just, he's just vicious.

There's nothing I could say or do to him that I would feel bad about later. Right. But there's also nothing nothing I could say or do to him that I would feel bad about later. Right. But there's also nothing that I could do or say to him that would feel like enough. Right. The guy is so in line with what my family is kind of like. Yeah, it's like, uh, that is my dad's side of the family. The guy's probably related to me. that yeah, that's like that is my dad's side of the family. The guy's probably related to me. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2022.

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