God Awful Movies - 354: Mayflower II

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

This week, Cara joins us for an atheist review of Mayflower II, the story of a group of plucky Christians taking their ball and going home. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out more from Cara on the Talk Nerdy podcast Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Looking for a stress-free summer? Hello, Fresh sends you full proof step-by-step recipes and fresh pre-proportioned ingredients to make meal time a summer breeze. Get 16 free meals plus three free gifts with code Awful16. HelloFresh.com slash Awful16. It appears to be a string of numbers and letters and I'm like, no, no, it is a string. It appears to me. And that's going to be true whether or not it's encrypted, man. Would you expect to just send all emojis? That's just language.

I don't know, it's just the smell of purple. It's what we got. I don't know. Do we decrypt that? God awful. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to The Gamecast. For each each week we sample another selection from Christian

cinema because if we just replayed the archives, the topical humor would be out of date. I'm your host, No Illusions, sitting 700 miles to my immediate left. It's my good friend, Heath and right, Heath. Welcome back. Space Jesus. Let's do this. Oh, hell, yeah, man. It's a sci-fi week for us.

Now unfortunately Eli will be unable to join us this week, but we're happy to welcome back veteran guest massacres and host of the talk nerdy podcast, Kara Santa Maria. Kara, welcome back. Hey, thanks, guys. I am less angry about this episode. Right. Because it's science and that's kind of your thing. Oh, that's totally why. No, you nailed it because of the siren. That's what it is. You know, is this the first time I've done the show with the two of you and no Eli? I don't think so. We've had the three of us. We've had it once. No, not a couple.

I really don't think. I've done some with Eli and Noah some with Eli and he, but maybe only like once with no Eli. It's very rare that we go no Eli. Yeah. So I can grasp you got to be way funny this way. You got to be the funny. Fuck. I just like that you didn't, the noise. You didn't you didn't make a noise like

as I know. I know. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was so bad. It was good. But it was so bad. It was comical. It was a fun bad. Yeah. We're getting ahead of ourselves though. So first of all, tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Mayflower II. It's the story of Christian people wanting to leave the United States because of cancel culture gone too far.

And them pretending the evil, atheist government of the future would try to stop them from leaving. It's just them being like, we're leaving. What's you guys? Who is it? And in reality, be like, okay, have a good trip then. Cool.

No, we'll leave. We'll seriously. Okay. Bye. That's the plot of this movie. Yeah. Okay. I believe so.

So Cara, how bad was this movie? Well, if you've always dreamed of one day finally making the movie that you wrote at sleep away Bible camp when you were eight years old. You will love this movie also clan cloaks and Mars laser tag. Yes. Those are things that happen. Yep. And I think they're from the original eight year old sleep away camp screenplay.

So absolutely definitely saved the wardrobe. People some sleep away camp screenplay. So absolutely. Definitely saved the wardrobe. People some money. They already had some stuff ready. Yeah. So I, you know, I didn't enjoy this movie, but I think I would enjoy a novel about how this movie was made. So from everything I can find, this movie was made with a budget of around $30,000.

Wow. Yeah. So is that wow because it's more or less than you expect? I don't know actually. I don't know which direction is worse for them. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, apparently it was like virtually everyone was a volunteer. Almost all that money went to the special effects and it took them six fucking years to get it made. This hour and eight minutes or whatever of movie took him six years, just, oh, and it's so terrible. We can remake this movie shot for shot. If we can raise $30,000, I think we could do it. Oh, MG. I have to do that. See, I assume that all the special

effects were just them playing a video game and like screencast. Right. Yes. Yeah. I'm sure there was some of that. Probably had to pay 30,000 and licensing fees for that. Maybe I don't know. So there's anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, for sure. Best Worst Canadian Tourism Bureau advertisement.

This movie was so Canadian, I can't even. Everyone's accents were amazing and I loved it so many. I'll boo. It's it's really sad because like I just made my first trip to Canada and like, yeah, 30 fucking years. And I was like, yeah, I could see settle in down here when it all goes to shit. But then, you know, you see this movie and you're like, yeah, but stay the fuck out of Alberta though, right?

Yeah. That's their Texas. Yeah. So I was going to go with best worst computer voice, but the woman who does the voice of the computer on the spaceship was making fun of this movie and no one ever picked up on it. And I just until I'd buy it. Yeah, I needed her to get more aggressive with the making fun of the movie, but what was done was excellent.

Yes. I think she went as far as she could without them picking up on something. Yeah. She's trying to play cool. I was going to go with best worst uniforms that we're apparently going to have when we colonize other planets. It's all shoulder pads. So yeah.

Yes. Thank you. To shoulder pads. So what apparently in the future, we're going to have like basic hotel uniforms in our colony on Mars, for example. But plus, really big, John T. shoulder pads. Why? John T. is the right word, yes. Very John T. What shoulder-based risk is there on Mars? So that's not here. I had him described in my notes as goth floaties. So I wonder if it's just a lot of they don't fall in water a lot there or so. Also, you're forgetting that all the cops in the

future wear marching band costumes. Yeah. That made more sense. Even with a little gold rope on the shoulder. Yeah, well, because you just don't know when you're going to need to break out into a musical numbers. So, yeah, apparently in space. Yep. They couldn't afford that for this one. Well, right. No, they've been, but they did plan on doing a trilogy.

We'll get back to you in about five and a half years to tell you how that, how part two is going. Are you serious? Depending on the trilogy. Well, I mean, it took them six years to get this one made. So I mean, landing is pretty aspirational. But yes, yeah, I'm so excited. Wait, that's going to be really confusing for the viewer. So they're going to make up part two when this movie is called Mayflower two. This is Mayflower three. I get why this is we didn't think this through, but this is the

second fuck. Yeah, no, so it's going to take seven years because they're going to need a year to sort that out. It can't be Mayflower 2, too, guys. He's going to be like the protect college joke. He could trust. Seriously. All right, well, I'll tell you what, this movie's going to take quite a while to settle on a plot.

So we're going to give it a head start with a brief break, but when we come back, we'll drive into all the random bullshit that is Mayflower 2. Alright folks, welcome to the first ever writers meeting for Mayflower 2. Ray. Praise Jesus. So excited. Now, obviously we're real excited about branching out into the new field of science fiction. But there have been some, let's say, concerns raised about the possibility that we will be glorifying science.

Yeah, I don't most branches of science directly disprove our religion. Yeah, yes, yes, but only most. So I had Dave put together a list of all the various types of science that we're gonna have to avoid in the script. So Dave, you got that for us? Yeah, so biology, obviously, geology on kind of the whole older thing, clearly.

Also paleontology, probably oceanology to what with us believing in the literal flood. So that's out. Amen, brother. Oceanology. Amen, brother, oceanology. Amen. Wasn't done though. Also archeology, botany, on a kind of there being trees older than we think the world is.

Psychology, since that kind of explains why we would keep telling ourselves this stuff, even if we knew it was a lie. Oh, anthropology, cosmology. Is astrology a science? It has the, the, the, the, the, no, it's got, yeah, I don't, I don't think so, but it's other devil one way or the other. So let's keep it on the list. All right.

All right. Well, I think that's the whole list them. I think that's it. What about embryology? Oh, uh, what, what do you mean? Well, I mean, that kind of disproves our view on abortion, doesn't it? Oh, oh, good call. And I guess epistemology too.

Oh, all right. How do you spell that last one? It doesn't matter. However. Wait, I feel like philology disproves the Tower of Babel story. No. Oh, yeah. And, you know, nothing disproves God faster than oncology.

Right. Verology, volcanology, xenobiology, zylogology, zoology, zupathology, and zymology. All right. That's the whole list for sure this time. We got them all. I think we got them all. I'm sorry, can somebody remind me,

what's that last one again, zymology? Oh, that's the study of fermentation. Disproves the water into wine story. Gotcha. All right. So, uh, I mean, what does that lead? Uh, uh, laser guns. I don't think that's a science laser gunology. Praise Jesus. Oh, this movie's gonna be so good. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're gonna open up with a desperate attempt to evoke Christian Star Trek, right? Well, actually, I have to point this out

before we get to the logo, the movie makers is the name of their production company. I feel like that logo does protest too much, right? Absolutely. It's like, no, we have a boom operator in everything. Yes, we are. So, we get that logo and then we're looking at, like, I guess, moon cities from orbit and listening to a biblical captain's log.

Yeah. Yeah, this is the point where I realize, God damn it, they're making me watch a sci-fi video. Yeah. God damn it. Okay. Here we go. Well, the good news is it's only an hour and 15 minutes and that's with long credits. It was real long. I love that the captain's

log was like a little sad and a little confused. It was like Christianity is hard. I don't know. Some of us went to space because of a prophecy. I don't know what happened. Here we are. We're going to do our best. This religion doesn't lend itself to this genre. Guys, we're trying. We're trying. And then we get the opening credits and the opening credits are hurling at us so quickly that they're essentially unreadable. Oh, yeah.

They're like, they're like a bully in the hallway in middle school as credits though. Because like, I'm the fucking key grip. You going left? You going right? All right. So we get that and that's just basically to say, see, we can do space and everything and eventually we'll do it again. But then we cut to boring all earth where rich and miles are biking down a forest trail.

Yep. Okay. This is almost my best worst. They couldn't figure out how to make the camera move at bike speed. Yes. So the actors have to bike way too slow, like enough that like they can't keep their bikes moving forward. Yes.

Like they almost fall over. They're doing little like tight little asses and shit like that so that they don't outrun the camera. Just off the top of my head, something that's bike speed is a bike. Another bike. Yeah. No, I had their bikes as wobbling like drunken penguins in this scene. It was just hilarious.

And they're also just info dump and all over the carpet here, right? So very quickly, we learned that rich is church is not sanctioned by the government, but it's way holier than miles is official church of the government of the world above Deluminati or whatever the fuck it's supposed to be. Right. Yeah. So what they're setting up, evil secular America of the future is run by a PC Christian church. Right. That's as secular as they can get. They a PC Christian church. Right.

That's as secular as they can get. They still go church. Right. They go church. You know, they don't hate gay people, correct? Right. In the PC church. It's they're like, they're like a bunch of unit area.

In the future, this unit area is some. Yeah, he literally uses the term PC multiple times in this movie. Yeah, every time they want the audience to jump scare or whatever they say and it's very PC and agonist of the movie is political correctness. It's the fact that I can't even say the end word on Facebook no more. Yeah. Should we use the clan ropes? What would not? Yeah. No, let's use no. The next action of the movie as they're just going like, yeah, it's gotten to her Christianity is too PC put on this white probe with the hood with the hood.

Absolutely. I was like, wow, wow, that's in the first three minutes. But the movie wasn't doing that. The escalated quickly. You're dead. Yep. Now, these are invisibility close. We're about to learn that turn them invisible, could have gone with anything other than a white robe,

but they didn't. Right. They could have done like a black hoodie, like something that covers the arms maybe. That would have been a lot of sense. Thank you, these are invisibility robes and they're, they're armless. So like, they're like invisibility vests. Yeah, they're trying to fight some bad guys.

The atheist bad guys would have been like, hey, do you see those floating arms? I'm just fucking shoot the floating arms. I feel like that's something bad, right? Right. So, okay. So they put on their invisibility clothes and they're, they're sneaking into some secret the red zone that they're not allowed to go to. Oh, we're not at the red zone yet. We got to go to yellow first.

Come on, you're getting ahead of yourself. Well, there's a short movie. They're sneaking to the red zone. Oh, I see. And they have to cross through the other side. Everybody's lost in the plot now. No, it's yellow zone right now. Right.

So, but what I love about this too is because they can't just have invisibility, right? They can't just film the woods. So constantly on their secret little journey, they're like taking their invisibility cloaks down and saying, all right, it's time to walk to the next spot where we absolutely can't be seen or will be shot dead. Yeah, right. Do you think they think the invisibility cloaks also turn off your audio? So like everybody's awful. So they have to take them off.

The light bends around your voice now. Yeah. And they should have just shot the woods because I feel like they would have saved a lot of money if they did that. Yeah. Probably is very special. Right. Yes. Could be done for 29,000 hours. Making them come in and out of clan garb. Yeah. Over and over. Yeah. Also, the invisibility cloak thing, you put a giant hood over your head to cover your head. So your head's awesome visible. So they can't see

at all with the full hood with their face. So I guess that's why we don't see all the walking and forest. Because they would just be stumbling all of it. They can't see at all with the phone. So I guess that's why we don't see all the walking and force because they would just be stumbling all of it. They can't see, right? Well, even if they can't see what's hilarious and this is not the only time this is going to happen with the invisibility cloaks is that somebody puts on an invisibility cloak and says, follow me. Yeah, that happened through the whole movie over and over again.

So maybe that's why they have to keep taking them off. I'll just keep making beeping noises. Wait, do we get muted by these? I'll fuck it. Follow my smell. I don't know. Yeah, but miles is very nervous about these illegal activities. But before we can move on to see where they're headed, we have to like, we have to cut over to the bad guys conspiring with blue hologram main bad guy about their upcoming false flag operations. Oh, yeah. What's his name again? Like black man or black knee, I think.

Black knee. Black man or black knee. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Okay. So, yeah, we've got bad guy who's like Star Wars like 1970s Star Wars level hologram. Yes, like that's what we're seeing and he's like bald So you know he's bad right and typical and he represents Nero what what is Nero? I don't know. I just know that that is the bad thing right so Nero is a

fake know that that is the bad thing. Right. So, Nero is a fake, bolst-black terrorist organization that's secretly controlled by the government. Wait, how did you get that from the exposition of this movie? This is my job. Oh, my God. Okay. I got the government with Nero. Oh, okay. Noah's got pushpins and yarn. Yeah, right. I figured some shit out.

But yeah, the terrorist group Nero is going to bomb a bunch of cities and that's going to give the government an excuse to implement martial law. That is ostensibly the plot of the film at this. Right, but they're already sending like government agents all over the place with guns to take over Christian people's land. They have martial law. So like, I don't understand what that even mean. Like, they're really sticklers about the Constitution. Yeah, right, right. No, and it's never going to make more sense than that.

But meanwhile, we have to cut back to Miles and Rich. They finally reached their red zone destination. Yeah. And we, just to be clear, I feel like this might be important. I don't know if it is, but they're brothers. Oh, yes, I don't think I'm gonna change mine. Like here, we find out their brothers, because they're like mom and dad are gonna be so mad at us.

Yeah. But they're like 40. Right, yep. Yeah, they're not young and brothers or anything. Who does honestly, like, I feel like these two actors were probably like, we could play 17, right? That's probably how old they think we are. We knew a lot of skin care. So yeah, so they arrive and Rich starts to explain, Rich is the one that's taking miles out here and he starts to explain to him, you remember that guy Solomon, whatever

his name is, I don't recall the last name. And he's like, weird that you would say that since I'm going to see him in the next scene, like, remember seems like a weird way to refer to. But he's like, you remember, Solomon, that rich man that started his own successful business before and this is the movie's wording. He was forced out by a human rights commission for not being politically correct. Yeah, they literally said that like, verbat. Yeah, it's great business man. Like they shut

down the greatest segregated lunch counter. Right, right. Political, correct. A human's, like, so he was refusing to hire black people. He was sexually harassing his employees. Like what, what does that mean in your mind of the movie? It's something that I said. It has to be. I'll let you figure that out. This is where I wrote no, no Republican agenda here. No.

But it turns out that Solomon, the rich human rights violator has built himself an invisible something. We're not going to see quite yet. It's a spaceship. But it's clearly a space. Yeah, but they just can't give us the whole thing. Yeah, it's expensive. Right. Yeah, exactly. They do show it to us eventually though, as as if to say, see, it's so much atlas drug. It's it's Christian John Galt and he wants to leave with the Christians and everybody would be like, yeah, man, go to the fucking Valley in Colorado. We don't want the annoying rich people.

We don't want the Christian people. Right. And they're like, Balsmarineros or whatever, this time, but yeah, you need them. So meanwhile, blue hologram, batty is addressing up a fucking hot luck in Oklahoma or something, right? This is the scene at Ren Chero Vista where they tell all of the self-sufficient rugged individuals that they have to give up their land and move to cities. So many things about this scene confuse me. Okay, so they're supposed to be, yeah, like farmers and ship, but they live in a plan development called Ranchero Vista.

Like this is very confusing. And they're like, they're at like, I don't know, like a community is very confusing. And they're like, they're at like, I don't know, like a community organization, like some sort of, like you said, it's like a potluck dinner with like chairs. And I don't know why this guy is welcome there. Yes, it's the mousse lodge or something. Yes, the mousse lodge.

And they're all men. At this point, I realized so far, only white men in this movie. Oh wow. Yeah. Only white men, not seeing a person of color or a woman yet in this movie. And eventually you'll see a woman. Yeah, eventually we men not seeing a person of color or a woman yet. In this movie, and eventually you'll see a woman.

Yeah, eventually we'll see one woman, but I think so far there have been maybe 40 characters. Yeah, no, we see quite a few in this scene alone. Yeah. Lots of white men. Yep. Do we, is there a single person of color in this movie? I can't think of one. I don't know. There's a lady who's like vaguely Eastern European maybe. They give one line to her. Yeah, it's, but yeah, she white.

She very white. That's the closest we ever get. So the plot here is that the government wants to make their land a yellow zone. Yes. Okay. Yeah. So the government wants to seize their land and put everybody on cities because in cities, you can't be an individualist country boy who can exist

on your own. You have to be, you know, you have to like submit to the will of the government et cetera. Yeah. This is Jade Helm 15. Yes. That's what that's what they've reacted to here. Yeah. Jade Helm, that's a thing that never happened that they freaked out about during the end of Obama's administration. And no, we never like took over all the wall marks to put them in cages. No, none of that happened. Yep. I'm also confused as to the internal consistency

of the actual film here, because they make the brother who goes to normal church be the guy who lives in Ranchera Vista where they're all farmers and terrorists. And they make the terrorist brother live in the city, which is where the government wants you to live. Yeah, no, that doesn't make sense. They switched those roles, no? They could write whatever they want.

They were eight years old when they wrote this. We can't remember that. You can't remember that. You can't remember that. So, but, okay, so this is a great scene too, because we get a couple of different guys that agreed to be in the film, if only, but only if could tell a government, fell or what they really thought, right? Give them the what or. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. So we get to separate what first and they're competing. So I have the first guy just down as potluck cowboy because of the hat, but he's the one who starts talking about how they're so called sciences politically motivated. Yeah. It's a guy in a cowboy hat.

It just, it takes away from the science speech. You're so cold. Consensus of sand. It's not fair. That's an unfair stereotype, but just don't have the cowboy hat guy. Give the science speech for your team, maybe. Yeah. But also to be clear, none of them talk like this.

They all talk like a boot. Yeah, right. It's so funny because They're also in May. And you're like, what? This doesn't compute. Well, and so and during his what for he starts talking about how, you know, they're suspicious of, you know, anytime there's a good cause, you guys come and try to use it to take away our rights.

And the causes that he lists that he is suspicious of are security, the environment, bullying, civil rights. That's my favorite. So civil rights are getting in the way of my civil rights. Yeah, that's correct. We're very convoluted for his and a. Also there's like 11 people at this meeting, but only two of them clap for this guy's what for the best finishes his little part of his speech and the people on his team are like, Oh, did you want to clap?

Okay. Now I feel stupid and no else is going to clap. Yeah. And evil government guys like, okay, I'll give you a couple seconds to clap moving on. We're taking your land. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. Like this is happening, whether you like it or not. And for all of you that don't want this to happen, Adam to the list. I was like, ooo, Gleegan. Yeah. Right. The meeting wraps up. We cut to wherever blue hologram guy is projecting from. And he's like, they put those two guys that clapped on the list too. Not both him and the guys. One guy kind of pump fake the clap. Yeah, so like just put him on a different, like the close to the list. We'll put him near the list, yeah.

So okay, so Miles is heading home. By the way, everybody's biking to this point in the movie. We see nobody's in a motor vehicle because they can't do future cars. All right, because they have, they have two Chevy Silverados lately. That's what the cops do. Yeah, yeah.

The cops, they like them old. They just don't make them like they used to apparently. It's all about torque. What are you talking about? So, yeah. So Miles is heading home on his bicycle, but he sees the cops forcibly evicting Mr. Higgins, the cowboy who gave him a what for at the meeting. Oh, that's what was happening there.

Yes. They're coming to take his land. Apparently, they had the meeting and they're like, we're coming to take your land. And by the time you got home from that meeting, they were, they are taking your land. And he was there to somehow having his land take it right, which he had the car, you know, it's a great home. Again, maybe they think they're playing 17. I don't know. So he runs home to get his wife, Miles does. Oh, here I see. I wrote, oh, look, a woman.

Very exciting. Yeah. I mean, you use that indefinite article, but yeah, it's like, yeah. You didn't know it this way. So yeah, so and he's like, hey, wife, the cops are coming to take us away and throw us in prison for owning land apparently. Yeah, she's very confused. She kind of doesn't buy it.

She's like, we didn't do anything wrong. Come on. Right. Don't be crazy. And even when she convinces them that they're coming, she's like, okay, what if we hold really still and turn off the lights, you know, like, and they knock and they'll think we're not home. Right.

Because it's like tear. So my name's fucking Kate. I would just like to announce that to everybody. My name's Kate. Oh, her name's Kate. Okay. We'll call her Kate from now on. Not the woman. The only reason I knew her name was Kate is because it keeps describing in the like description of the movie on IMDB. It says miles and Kate are a couple. Yeah. Well, and she's the only woman. So yeah, she must be Kate. Yeah. Yeah. So, but they run to Rich's house, right? To his brother's house.

Right, the anti-government brother who lives in the city. Right. In a house that looks like a teen group's rec room. Yep. It's a very strangely designed house. It's like one wall of paper books, which apparently is bad paper books. And lots of chairs kind of willy nilly.

Yeah, it's like it's like an alanon meaning. Yeah, no, right. So, but they were actually all there to have fucking contraband Bible study, right? Yeah. So, and they have this huge bookshelf behind them. And I'm like, I bet you $1,000, all those books suck. Like every single one of those books, that is absolutely shit. I bet the fucking Chronicles and Narnie is the best thing on that show. But all the illegal Christians are like, ah, you've seen the light. Now you're coming to Contraband Bible study and they're like, no, we're running from the cops and this guy is my brother.

This is where they explain to him that the cops think that they're terrorists because they have a garden and make their own power. Oh, and he has an old copy of like his grandfather's Bible on his bookshelf and does it. Oh, right. Yeah. Before they added it, the old unPC Bible. Yeah. Yeah. Also make their own power. Yeah. Listen. If you have like a secret coal fired plant in your backyard next to your garden, you are a terrorist in some set. Like I want the government to check on that. Right. But these jackasses think that like the government is threatened by you when you like have solar

panels or run a windmill off of your property, right? Their whole fantasy is that their rugged individualism is a threat to the PC universe. Right, but again, they live in Ranchero Vista. I think they know, they speak clear about that. Some tells me that's on the power grid, yeah. But of course, the illegal Christians are like, here, why don't you take this Bible? And they're like, oh no, we have the digital copy

and they're like, yeah, but that one's been edited, right? I'm like our Bible, we've definitely not been edited. You're right. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. The King James version, you say?

Ah. No, look, it's initialed by the original writer at the bottom of each case. God, original writer. I'm a each case. God, just G. I just got the one. Oh, you would. Wow. Hey, see those are in the initials.

So yeah, so but they, yeah, but they need a real bubble. And what's hilarious about this is before they said, no, no, we have the digital version. They said they had their grandfather's antique Bible. So they already have one even in this dumbass story it's just right but not on them and spoiler alert later she whiffs the bible out she does not have a handbag a large for pocket I think she's been carrying it under her ta taas this whole time I think they're like here take this bible and she's like I know just the place. So yeah, so and then they talk about how Solomon has gone missing the guy who built the spaceship for just a second and then all of a sudden

The cops are in the room with them So we don't hear doors getting kicked in or windows being broken. We don't see them enter in anyway Just suddenly they're in the room yelling on your knees to the Christians. Well, yeah, this is Canada. We don't lock our door So yeah, they're like on your knees and the Christians are like, haha, that's what we wanted to be anyway and then And then and this just not seem very, maybe the Canadian cops are just this polite or whatever, but they're like, all right, guys, if you're not a real criminal terrorist, go ahead and leave now. We're only here for the real criminal terrorists. And Miles and Kater like, oh, okay, so we're not, we're going to leave them. We're not.

Oh, yeah, the wording is we're only interested in non-compliant Christian radicals. Yeah, verbatim. And then Miles and Kate are like, we're compliant Christian radicals. Give me a couple of. Yeah. You can take off. Yeah, and what's amazing isn't the fact that Miles and Kate are like, oh, well, then we should leave probably.

It's that everyone else isn't. Yeah, this is, this is where I'm always always so confused and I like wrote a bit about this. Like I don't understand these arbitrary Christian standards. Like they're willing to hide and have secret meetings and read secret books. But when asked if they are going to like you need to stay if you're Christian, they let can't say no. It's like when people say a cop has to tell you if they're a cop. That's not real thing.

Like if you are your cop, they can say no, I'm totally not a cop has to tell you if they're a cop. That's not real thing. Like, if you are your cop, they can say, no, I'm totally not a cop. Like, people can do that too. They know that, right? Apparently not. So Miles and Kate take off. I love that they're like, hey, take our bikes. And it's like, how would you know they didn't have bikes? They just showed up anyway.

No, I love that they said that because it's like, it's like this really serious scene and they have all this really suspenseful music and they're down there with their hands over their heads because they're about to be like captured by the police and his brother is a traitor. It's like running off at this wife and he goes, take our bikes. Take our bikes. He has a nice basket. Oh, he's a man.

When you go faster, the light gets brighter. It's really cool. So yeah, so we rejoined miles and Kate. They're out in the woods somewhere and there's this great, like the scene opens with miles angrily kicking a rusted barrel, but like it's the most tentative, angry kick that you've ever seen. You're like, he obviously hurt his foot the first time. And they're like, we need the same. And he's like, my foot's hurting. They like, use the other foot and he's like, okay, but I'm not kicking it very hard. What if I just push it?

I'm right footed, you guys. I also like that they clearly rode their bikes into the woods like a hundred feet as they're hiding spot. Yes. Uh-huh. So they go to that hiding spot, have a little we be fight for 10 seconds. And it's like, all right, that's enough. We're like 100 feet until I can see the bad guys right there. This is nothing.

We need to leave again. Yeah. Well, the music is pretty sure this is some exciting, like next level shit. Oh, clearly. And I feel like miles for the whole movie and many of the other characters as well. Like they use that Instagram filter that's been going around where it makes you look like you're crying.

Have you said? It's just like this. Like really exaggerated sad clown thing. The whole movie. Yeah, so he's crying about how he wishes the rest of those idiots were willing to deny Christ to and then the and then he's like Well, I guess that's the end of this dialogue. Let's go to another scene We ran out of ideas moving

The best you go the brighter the layers So meanwhile so we cut back to illegal Bible study in the cops are like, hi, it turns out we weren't really here to arrest you. We just wanted to make sure you weren't faking how Christian you are. Is that what happened? Yes, yes. Wow. I just thought they were super nice because they were Canadian. Well, that's, yeah, that's possible. But these people aren't arrested later. So there's that. Yeah. But it also this won't come back for a very long time in the movie. So I thought I had maybe miss watched or misunderstood it for quite a while afterwards too, but no, that is what's supposed to be happening. Okay. Okay. No, put up some more yarns and pushpin

figured it out. Yeah. So, okay. So now miles and can't get back to their house, which is where they were running from in the first place. You're right. They just went right back home because they're like, we know of two places. They'll never think of this. And of course, the cops are there. So they're like, right, right, that is why we left. Have they ever run again? She's going a simple bluff, which is single fuck. Okay. So, and here's the stupid fucking thing is that this script needs the cops to be right on

their tails, right? And they just had them leave the house, the cops were in, and the writers couldn't think of another way to have the cops be on their tails. It's amazing. And the cops have blasters, by the way, because this is like, I feel like this whole movie, it's probably budgetary, because straight, to be honest, but they're going for like a near future handmaids tale vibe. You know, we're only like some things are advanced technologically, but everything else is

kind of the same, but they're failing miserably because these people are like pro gillian. Right. Yeah. Who's they're telling gillian side of the story for a change? Yeah. Like, they're telling Gilly at side of the story for a change. Yeah. Right. And the cops are like, freeze. We'll shoot you with this very ridiculous gun that we have that makes the noise of like

an airsoft, like a nerf dart flies out. It's no good. Well, it is a nerf gun to be clear. And then they just show you. No, you know what it is? Is it's two nerf guns taped together as a side by side. Totally as they should. They make the mistake is shown at close-up later. But yeah. is it's two Nerf guns taped together as side by side. Totally as they should.

They make the mistake of showing it close up later, but yeah. I'm too meek. Whatever. Cause this is what's in the future. Different. Yeah. Yeah. But so the cops threaten them and like, we'll shoot and they have to run away again.

Of course, on their bikes jumping onto bikes quickly is never graceful. But we get to watching me like, up. Okay. No, I got stuck. I'm stuck on the pedal. Okay, nope, got it. Got it. Got it. We're running on it. We're gonna put that baseball card in there. Yeah. Hold on, I fell out. I want to have the car. All right, so I just want to point out that Buster Keaton managed to once gracefully start a penny farthing, but yes, generally sput up. Buster Keaton just rides way past them. Come on guys. Yeah, second this.

Jesus. Avoid the glass. Avoid the glass to paint glass. Not there yet. We're not there yet. So yeah, so but they're heading to the red zone. They're getting away from the cops and damn it if a drone doesn't catch up with them. Right.

And there's this great moment where Miles has to throw Kate to the ground to, you know, avoid the drone, but he clearly throws the actress down way too hard. Right. His domestic violence street comes out a little too, too, too, aggressively there. Yeah. And then he explains to where he's like, okay, I've got an idea, but it involves you running away on the drone following you. And I was like, well, yeah, she has that idea too, man.

It's called fuck you. But she's like, okay, I trust you. So she runs off the drone, chases her. And I wrote my nose like, if Miles just dips the fuck out, this is going to be the most realistic Christian movie of all time. But instead, he went to get a laser gun and he shoots the drone with it once he's got it. Well, I was a blinked because I missed that whole scene. Yeah. I think the movie missed the whole scene where somehow he had a really powerful laser gun the whole time and just decided to use it now. Well, so okay, again, I got to go back to the push pins in the yarn. He went to the invisible ship and got a laser gun off of it and then came back and shot

the drone. But just the way he just grabbed the one. Yes. Yeah. Like he's like, Kate, you're on your own bench. Well, so the way it was supposed to be working, again, like I said, you got to do the yards in the push pin for some of these, but like she had to run off so that the drone wouldn't see where the invisible ship was. Oh, she was the decoy. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what ladies are

good for in the bag. Right. Yep. Yep. So she was like running in circles around a garbage can, like tag in elementary school for a while while he went to an invisible ship, got one laser gun and came back. That's what happened there. Well, he tells her run out for 10 minutes and then come back. 10 minutes is an insanely long amount of time. That's 20 minutes total. He realized. Also, she would be 10 minutes away. Plus, however far you had to go to get the fucking laser gun, right? So, yeah, it makes no fucking sense. But yeah. Plus, however far you had to go to get the fucking laser gun, right? So, yeah, it makes no fucking sense. But yeah, so yeah, so he shoots the drone, then they go back to the invisible ship. And this is where, of course, all that mind training these

to have really pays off. And he's like, no, it's an invisible ship here. Let me unclog it for you so you can see. And it's like, why would you do that, though? Yeah, because now they can see it too. Right. You could go inside and she could just see it from there. But they wanted to prove to us that they can unclog the whole fucking ship. They had unclog the whole ship budget. Damn it. So okay. So now they're on board the ship and he's like, yeah, this was built by Solomon so that all the Christians could escape to Mars where they could be safe and practice the religion the way they want. She's like, do you want to just take it for just us, though? And she's, it is like, yep.

And maybe more people, no, probably just, probably just the two of us. That would be a lot. Giant ship, just us. Yes. Because we're Christian. And that's the Christian way. Oh. And then, then of course they have, I think it's supposed to be a humorous moment where he tries to always push the wrong button, which button makes the ship take off? Yeah, at one point he's like, all right, so we're on a magical spaceship now.

The fuck do we do? I don't know how to fly this. I'm just gonna press buttons and then like, Siri voice comes on is like purging all fuel in 10 seconds. You shouldn't have how to fly this. I'm just gonna press buttons, and then like Siri voice comes on, is like purging all fuel in 10 seconds. You shouldn't have pressed that. Yeah. He's like,

Buck, button mashing usually works on Nintendo. All right. Voice commands, and he's like, Siri, we fly now. And Siri's like, thank you, we fly now. Why didn't you just say so? Yeah, this one. And they're gonna fly tomorrow.

Yeah, he pushes the ship does all the work for us button. Yeah. And the inside of the ship to be clear is made out of cardboard. It's clearly made out of cardboard. And my favorite part is that the captains chairs are just rolly desk chairs. Yes. They're not bolted down to anything. They're just shitty. You can see the little, the little lever on the side to make you go up and down. It's yikes. They're in a just barely above Edward level cockpit. There is shoe box diorama. And also so they, so they take the ship takes off, right? To head to bars. And I love there's a space elevator right next to them. For no reason, except that was already in the stock footage that they bought. Yeah. Right. Was there a really big cloak over the space elevator?

I mean, we do have that technology. Yeah, right. No, it was. Yeah, but, but later they won't. Or nobody will know about it except the Christians, which is pretty fucking weird. Solomon built that too. Yeah. Again, it's like, it's like, at least, Rugg, do you need a whole bunch of fictional technologies for the whole thing to make sense? Christian people, I've always said that. They're gonna be at the forefront of space technology.

Yeah, and invisibility close, yeah. All right, well, tell you what, our hero is basically just launched the only lifeboat on a sinking ship with just the two of them in it. So we're gonna, I think a quick break while everybody comes to grips with how demonically selfish those characters are, but we'll back in a flash with even more. Mayflower 2. I just don't understand that. Just because we're Christians, they think

we're terrorists. Do you have a garden? Do you produce your own power? We have a garden, sure, yeah. Well, see that's it. Then if you're self-sufficient, you don't depend on them and that makes you a threat. Well, I mean, it's kind of a small garden. Yeah, we get like fresh vegetables out of it twice a year, Max.

And they're usually not very good. Right. But it proves that you could be self-sufficient from from just a vegetable garden. I mean, well, you might also fish to. Yeah, we could fish. It's still nowhere near enough to satisfy our basic caloric needs from the garden and the fishing. Well, yeah, and that's just food. There's so much more we need to survive.

Well, they're afraid you're also going to get solar panels. Right, but that still doesn't make a self-sufficient. Literally nobody in this country ever was or will be truly self-sufficient. That's nonsense. Yeah, I mean, even if you lived out in the woods, grew and hunted all your own food and stitched your clothes together from the hides of your kills, you'd still be dependent on some outside power to keep marauders from coming along and taking all of it from you. Yeah, not to mention all the medicinal and scientific breakthroughs that you'd have relied on

to even make it far enough in life to make that decision to be foes self-sufficient. Yeah, maybe they think Christians are terrorists because almost all the terrorism in this country is perpetrated by Christian extremists. No, it's definitely pretty sure it's just that they hate freedom. Okay. I'm going to go turn you guys in. Yeah, it's probably for the best. Yeah. Yeah.

We're the worst. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Miles and Kate on deck of their ship watching the Earth recede. Now this is, of course, they're not going to really deal with the whole gravity issue. This just as ship has plenty of gravity on you ask. Oh, yeah. Not just that, like the whole speed issue, like, like they're not in zero. They're not even moving. No, they're just standing in roll. The

rolly chairs aren't even rolling around. Like, what? Just hold on. Let me take the cloak off the gravity. There we go. Okay. And so yeah, they asked the computer, like, how long will it take us to get to Mars? And the computer's like two weeks? Really? Two weeks. So you're going somewhere between 10,741,000 miles per hour. It seems like you're not. There is a toll on this route. Let's find a time. Just go Mars. Your destination isn't in other times. Do you have a COVID card? All right. Obviously, you know we don't.

So yeah, so they're headed to Mars. It is going to take two weeks and I love there's this kind of like, well, Buck, we got nothing to do for this part of the movie. Do we? Oh no, he literally gets, he's like bored already. He's like, two weeks gone. Yes, and I'm like, you want to play a board game? Literally, yes, the movie runs out of stuff to happen

and they're like, you want to fucking play some board games? We could play some part with the audience, could watch us play par cheese, those can come down to the wire a lot of the time. So in those games. Yeah. I wanted Siri to jump in and be like, dude, you're on a fucking spaceship. You don't need board games right now.

Just take this in. Do you understand what's happening? Zero gravity sex. Like, come on. To be fair, they probably watched the shitty hospice movie that opens with them playing the board game and they're like, we can totally use that plot to fight. It's fine. Ha ha ha. It's fine, they did it.

But then Kate is like, oh, hey, look, I found a hologram full of exposition and he's like, really? And she's like, no, not really, actually, we're just gonna show you the beginning of it. If we're gonna show you a fucking Princess Leia going, help me, Obi, and then it's gonna cut off and we're never gonna go back to it.

Yep. Right, it's Solomon Foster, and then it's gonna cut off and we're never gonna go back to it. Yep. Right? It's Solomon Foster. I wrote it down at this point. It's Solomon Foster, the rich guy who built the ship. And his hologram says, I'm Solomon Foster. Welcome to the ship that will take Christians to Mars. I guess I didn't make it, right?

Right. And that's the end of the scene. Seems like I could have just written a note because it took you forever to find the hologram thingy and then smoosh it into different stuff on the ship for a while. And then you eventually Siri had to play warmer colder with you. It's ridiculous. Oh, so like, yeah, why didn't he just program that into the computer? And that's the right way.

All right. So meanwhile, back on Earth, the illicit Christian club is finally going to acknowledge how fucked up it was for them to just steal their lifeboat. Right. With just them on it. And keeping in mind that they were in no immediate danger when they launched it, right? They could have just chilled out there until their food supplies ran out if they wanted. Just like all the Christians are doing.

Right. Right. Right. So but rich is sure as everybody that it's not a snow big deal, God will provide them a different spaceship or something, probably. Right. But also how do they even know that they took the ship because they haven't left the youth wreck room? Yeah. They're just. They're still there just thinking hard somebody go over there and poke the area where it used to be see if you have to do any My work when you get also okay, so I don't the guy that he's talking to I don't know if this character Advocates a name. He's Emmett's dad. I had him as gollum with glasses and a comb over Yeah, I feel really really bad saying this but this is a really unfortunate looking group of Christian rebels.

They're not not a pretty people in this youth or bread. So, okay, so now the movie is just like, I don't know man, two weeks of past because fuck, I had nothing. The part cheesy scene wasn't as interesting as we thought it might be. So they didn't use any sort of device to tell us two weeks at past. No, they're just at Mars now. Yeah, right. They found a shortcut or something. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah, so and apparently Siri has a landing button as well on here, right? He's just like, oh, I guess we should just press the button that says land the ship now. Yeah, man, just tell me to do all the stuff for you. Please, just, I'll do it. Great. And he literally goes like, is there space elevator maybe? Maybe we should use a space elevator. Like, wow, what a weird guess

because there happens to be a space elevator right here. Also, you're landing. I feel like, I get it for taking off more than for like, I feel like you could have still just landed. It's like he was playing D&D. He was like, can I roll for space elevator? And it was like, yeah, all right. You can roll for space elevator.

And then paint is like something doesn't feel right for no reason whatsoever after two weeks of wearing the same clothes, standing in the same spot, all of a sudden, something just in the feel where I'm like, what is happening? I hate these people so much. I'm not talking about the character. I'm talking about the actual actors. I hate them. I hate them. I agree. Hate them. Yes. But yeah, she's she's starting to two weeks later have second thoughts about stealing the only life boat and Dooming all the other illicit Christians of the earth. Actually, no, she isn't that's why I brought my notes and I was like, oh no, actually

She's just thinks Mars smells funny or something. Yeah, but anyway, they had to fucking stock footage of a ship Landing via space elevator. So they're gonna use it. This is like if the actual Mayflower was like, you guys want just the two of us, I say we take the Mayflower and go to Antarctica. I don't know. And then they were like, you know what, that was dumb. All right, we'll figure this out. I don't know, this was not. We'll get back from Antarctica.

Yeah, so okay. So they arrive at the Mars Colony slash double tree by Hilton. Oh my God. This entire, every time they're on the Mars holiday, you're just like, no, man, that's the business center. Okay. You have to Hilton.

In the space future, we'll live in a like a meh hotel chain. Yeah. And this is where we get Heath's best worst. This is where the Goth floaty shoulder pads first are introduced to us. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't, also I don't get because Goth floaty shoulder pads first or introduced to us. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't also, I don't get because got floaty shoulder pad lady is explaining for like an interminable amount of time, how dangerous it is out in

the Martian atmosphere and how they can't like go past the glass, the only thing that's keeping them safe. But how did they get into the hotel? Great question. That's an interesting, Yeah. Interesting. Without knowing all that information. Yeah. Space elevator goes straight to one of the floors inside the building. No, it's like it's really nice apartments that the elevator opens right up in Tiraport. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the tram. Yeah. Yeah. Also, her speech there is weird. She's like the leader of this colony on Mars. And she's like, listen, first thing y'all need to know, don't break the walls of our space colony. If you look at me, don't break the wall,

like, who is that for? Right. That's for us, the viewers. Just like space Eli puts away a pickaxe very slowly. Well, yeah, she's like, if you go out on the surface of Mars and try to, but you would explode like Arnold Schwarzenegger and total recall. And don't break the walls because they're very thin and anything and all would break them.

And this never is relevant. No. Right. It would make sense if they were going to set all of this up. And then later these people would have to like run out under the surface of Mars for a very brief amount of time or say, or that that was going to be threatened at some point, but none of this ever comes back. No, it's like, it's like in the movie, if she had a long diatribe about how we can't breathe underwater.

You guys know, and it's like common knowledge, like know, after playing this in the movie, Eli slowly puts back on his scuba staff. Yeah, that's why we wear these floaties. Yeah. So yeah, but she's very into the wall. She tells them all about how awesome the walls are. Maybe this is a Donald Trump thing. Like walls are good.

I don't know. Okay. I feel like it was just, it was supposed to be foreshadowing because we're about to find out that this is like an evil space colony and she's supposed to be like in charge of something bad and this was supposed to be her being mean. Like, don't break the walls because it's going to have like a prison situation. So this was supposed to be like evil walls, but it's what that was. What actually happens is a person being like, we're in space.

Don't break the walls of our thing. Yeah, I because, you know, we die. I thought the foreshadowing was basically like later when you're having a space laser tag chase, the reason all the cops only have like tasers is because if they, okay bullets, they'll break the glass wall. Oh, yeah. No, they did check off taser and they nail it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what that is. But very implicitly stated. Explicit upfront, implicit on the backup. Yeah. But anyway, so he's a myos is an electrical engineer and Kate is going to be a space journalist. So stupid. It doesn't work at all. The guy, the Mars colony guys, like, no, this is great. We need electrical engineers. That's perfect. Miles, you'll do that for us. And you're,

uh, you're a writer. Cool. Let's get you a notebook. Yeah. And he literally is like, your skills will come in handy. Also, you did very good too. Both of these pictures are going on the refrigerator. Yeah. And she says Kate says to him, she's like, because he's like, Oh, and you'll be a space journalist. And she says, great, having a notebook in my hand is just what I need right now. And I'm like, do they think that that's how a journalist's, I believe they just know, like even now that's fucking an agrenistic, but this is supposed to be the fucking future. I know she, oh, she has a digital Bible, but needs a journalist note. Yeah.

Yeah. And have we talked about how this guy is literally smithers? Like his nass. He has a smithers. Yeah. She has a smithers. And we're supposed to think he's a good guy at this point. Like he's like smithers.

Like what is happening? You have any questions? You can ask Jeaves right here. His literal name is Jesus. There you go. Like what? Oh, so yes. So Miles Twerke continues.

They, I love to that, like, everything is right next to everything else. Everything takes up like one small room at the Hilton. He's like, see that? Do that door is the mines? Do this door is the greenhouse? Yeah. Those are the two other parts of the Mars colony. minds do this door is the greenhouse. Those are the two other parts of the Mars quality will see later in the film.

That's the Kaiser Permanente having a comp. No cut cut. So oh, and this is also where we meet Berks, right? So Berks is going to be the turn coat Mars colony, I don't tour guide to guide. Right, but with zero character development. He's literally like, okay, I'm bored with you. Here's this guy, Burke's,

he's gonna show you the rest of the way. And then he's like, hey, Burke's what's up? And he's like, this place is a prison, you need to escape. And I will help you. And he's like, oh, okay, cool. Let's do it. I figured you'd feel that out a little bit first.

No, okay, okay. We're on the same team. Well, and Berks is like, okay, you're an electrical engineer. Let me take you to our security hub so you can fix the random intermittent camera blackouts. And I was like, oh, what a sloppy fucking way of having him be able to turn off the cameras when they escape. Nope. Nope. They will not do that.

They will not do that. That would have helped. Also, there's security hub of Mars prison colony looks like the backroom at 7 11. Yeah. Like there's no one in there. That's it's lunch. Everybody that likes you can really come in all the crimes you want here. We have just a very inefficient system that we have. Yeah. Well, also, they just entrusted their entire security to some guy who just showed up that day

and claims to be an electrical engineer. What? But so Miles is looking at screens and he's like, hey, wait a minute, is this a, is this a tiny, tiny prison where people have, you know, bathroom, stall, sized cells and cells and verses like, what? No, it's like, oh, wow, that screen is TV show.

You don't have Q level clearance. Like, I heard that. Nothing. And then one second later, he's like, you're absolutely right. It's a crazy. It's a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, insane escape from that. Yeah. And he's like, oh, yeah, this is this Marsconnid that you've spent the entire movie trying

to get to turns out it's a prison. He's like, wow, we probably should have checked that first time before we came this whole way. Oh, and also, what are the odds when he's like, oh, that looks like a prison cell who's in there? Is that Solomon? Solomon falls follow them for us. So stupid. So he's like, all right, meet me in 15 minutes at the such and such. You know your way around here perfectly now, right? You've been here for almost two hours. So meet me at such and such and 15 minutes and we'll escape.

And I'm like, wow, this movie's adjusting to its new plot very quickly. So, so Miles goes back to get Kate and he's like, hey, I know the plot has changed entirely since I left. And just then they're interrupted by a guy who says that they have a member of their family on the phone that would like to speak to him. Oh, right, right. And I wrote my notes, I bet they remember

the 20 minute or so communication delay between Earth and Mars. And it's like gravity and this is where they put a talking device on time. Come on, they're in the hilton. So yeah, it's fun. We have a T1 line. It's fun.

But yeah, so it's rich calling and they're like, Hey, man, super starry about stealing your entire life raft without you guys on it. And rich is like, no, it's okay. I'm still very much whole ear than thou, so it doesn't matter. Right, right, right. He also, there's also this weird moment where he's like, well, you guys really need a survival. And Kate's like, you guys gave a survival the last time we saw she like pulled it out from under her tata. Yeah, right. She literally is like this, this Bible. And it's like, we're the

come from. You take that from behind my ear. Yeah. Well, and of course my dumbass is like wow, they're really trying to establish that they have that Bible so that later when it blocks a bullet or whatever it'll make sense, they're not though. No, they never even open the Bible. No, it's just having it.

It's like it's like having an umbrella so it doesn't really. Yeah, it's a Bible. Yeah. It's why they don't get shot. I got you. Okay. She also weirdly pulls a like a metal briefcase out from behind the couch.

Did you guys see that? Like for no reason. She just like grabs a metal briefcase and like, where did that come from? Oh right. Cause that's her space luggage right. Cause we have to escape now. Right. And this is literally the lowest security prison ever.

It's a prison. And these guys are about to do a prison break. And the cops are like, you have a call. Go take it in that room and just talk openly about breaking out of here. It's fine. Right. There's no like hearing devices anywhere. Clearly not. It's cool.

Yeah. So we learn here too, and this is going to be very important later, that the elicit Christian group that riches, that he leads, has an informer in their midst. Right. They say, Nero has planted an informant and I wrote that sounds like it might be important, but also nothing is important and this movie is garbage, so I shall immediately forget. Yeah, right. Right.

I don't care. Might as well. But just then the transmission cuts out before they can explain to him that Mars is a prison Right, right and so case like all right Well, let's get on the ship and then leave and tell everybody else to go fuck themselves right That's kind of our thing and he's like no, no, I'm gonna save Solomon Foster first Yeah, and he's explaining this to his wife. He's like, yeah, so I promised some guy that I just met.

I'd help him and some other guy that we never, I don't know. I have to go to it. It'll take like 20 minutes and then we'll break out of this prison. Right, right. He's like, you know, there are hundreds of innocent people being held against their will here. I want to save one of them. All right. So meanwhile, we go back to earth, rich gets a text on his space phone. We know

it's this future space phone because it's just a see through piece of plastic. It's clearly those screen on everything. It's an acrylic block. Yeah. Right. I love the movie. Just had to do like a complete turnaround. It was like, all right, we got to Antarctica. That was nothing. Fuck. Yes. Back to Earth for the plot.

The plot's just an improv troupe at this point being like, yes, and Earth again, because that last thing didn't help at all. Right. So, but Rich is getting a text from one of them fake cops, a real cops that fake arrested them at the beginning of the movie, right? This is eventually this will be Gunther. Gunther, that's his name.

And he's like, I got to go meet that cop that didn't arrest us from before. He says he has something important to tell me and his wife, oh, the second woman in the movie, his wife who we haven't met to this point is like, I don't know, man, he's a cop. He did break into our house, remember? Yeah. Well, we've left the door unlocked, actually. Oh, right, right. We just walked through our Canadian.

Yeah. All right. So now we cut back to Mars. And this is so great. Kate is just standing around in the lobby of the prison. And she overhears Berks come up to some other guy come up to Smithers and say, Ha, ha, we sure are going to double cross miles when he tries to break Solomon out of prison, aren't we? And Smithers is like, we sure are Berks. And then they watch. We're in a loud public atrium talking about the crick-a-plotting. Hopefully nobody's around the

corner of a pillar. Okay, it's right there around the corner of a pillar. Kates right there around the corner of a pillar. Right. So Miles arrives in space present and Higgins is there too. Remember Higgins? Fucking course. No, one said which one's thing. No, I'm no idea.

He was the cowboy. It's a potluck that gave him the what for. Okay. How did he get there? That's when they were arresting them from their for their stealing their property. They were taking them to Mars. They were Is it? Yes, it seems like a very

Spensive trip especially because you have so much room for prisons. You just took all of fucking ranchero vistas You know, just just make it a prison right? Yeah, there's so much space And so he gets to Solomon Foster and he's like, hey, man, I came here on your ship and I'm here to rescue you. And he's like, why would you have brought the Mayflower to here? And he goes, right, I would have to explain the whole movie up to this point, Dan, so that he's like, right, just, you know what?

Tell me later than I would actually happen. And they kind of say it is like, oh, yeah, we just got on the ship and we were like, let's name planets Mars. I think that's the one I got. And I love how like multiple times in this movie, when the exposition would actually help, they literally go, no time for formality. Yes. Right.

Right. But it turns out this was all a trap. And now miles and his wife who followed Berks, I guess, and Smithers down for the, for the double cross are also in tiny, tiny little bathroom stall prisons. Wait, so Berks double crosses. Is he a triple crosser? Definitely. He will.

He's a leader. Okay. This is very stupid and confusing. This is the second of the third level of crossing that he will do. Yeah. Oh, that's a great title for the Christian movie triple cross. No, right? Call us guys. But then, but then it would have to be triple cross one two and three. I can't get around. It's triple cross to fuck. I just keep having a six crosses.

The Mayflower to the third. Oh, it hurts. All right, so now we come with Rich. He's meeting with the fake cap guys, we're meeting with Gunther. And Gunther is telling them about the upcoming false flag bomb plot by Nero, right? Oh, sure. Yeah, he's like, Hey, for some reason, we're giving you this. We're assuming that you weren't paying attention when we gave you this exposition earlier. So we're

going to give it to you again in a few weeks. Nero is going to plant a bunch of bombs and they're going to the government is is gonna blame it on illicit Christian Bible studies, and you guys are gonna get in trouble. So you need to use this area that I'm showing you now as you're hideout when that happens. Yeah, and it's like an abandoned basement warehouse. Yes. Which he says is quite a bit like catacombs

if you think about it, biblical, nailed it. Except not at all because it has like, it has like electric lighting. Like, it's like everything about it. It just doesn't make sense. It's just like an old, I don't know, like staples. That they like half emptied. It's the abandoned walmart's from Jade helm 15. Oh yeah, yeah, but yeah, but Gunther gives him a great a sweet basement where they can Christian freely With no food or water though. I think oh, you're right. He forgets about Yeah, how how to keep these people alive? Yeah, you watch his face be like yeah, okay I got it like you're doing the catacombs thing. That's, that's nice. There's no food here. It's a shitty bit.

It could just be a house full of food, though, right? Right. I do. Just go to somebody else's. Old-timey, Rome stuff. Oh, it's, there's nothing about it that's catacomied. There's no dead bodies. No.

Well, yeah, the guy even says, Richie even says, well, you know, catacombs were a place of burial. And he's like, is there a reason you're saying that he's acknowledged? I just don't want to make it seem like a panic. I just really like the word at a cold. Yeah. At a cold. It's a conny coms, but it's not. Don't say it again. So we go back to Mars. Miles is in his little prison cell praying for some sort of

lot device or something. Right. Yeah. Out loud too. So everyone can be annoyed by him. Well, right. Well, so that Solomon can say, well, let me answer that with an info dump of some sort. Right. And I'm starting to get like, is the moral here that you should follow the government up until you want to engage in Christian sectarian violence? Because that's cool too. Like, Ruby Ridge forever. That is exactly the theme of the movie. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, it's like major under the banner of heaven vibes right now. Yes.

Like that's what's happening. Yeah. But of course, out of fucking nowhere, Miles starts talking about how he doesn't deserve God's forgiveness. Every Christian movie actor has some terrible sin that the movie doesn't tell us about apparently, right? Well, yeah, original sin. Well, okay, all right. Yeah,'t tell us about apparently, right? Well, yeah, original sin. Well, okay, all right.

Yeah, they tell us about that one. My favorite is that I think I finally cracked the formula for God awful movie. It's plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, and rinse and repeat. Yeah, that's the whole movie. I mean, I think you're being really generous calling any of this shit. Bought it this way.

But that's the, okay, Phillip, Phillip, Phillip, Phillip. Yeah, okay, yeah, thank you. But that's the weird thing. It's like, they spend so much time on the praying and Bible verse scenes, and no consideration is given to moving the plot forward. No, no, no, no. I have one question about this scene.

So they're in the force field jail area, right? In these little like, they're in this one little hallway that this hotel let them have for like five minutes to do the scene. And they put the jail cells in between pillars against a wall and then there's the force field over the front. Why does the force field have a flashy line moved down it?

And like, why would they program that to have a line that moves down it and a sound effect? So, real. Yeah, that means so the people on Mars who built this prison were like, we need to put a speaker into each of these things to go,

Neo, Yeah, because it's like an electric fence for a dog, right? Like one of those invisible electric fences, except like your dog, it doesn't go, you, you, like, your dog just knows not to go past it because it shocks him every time he tries to. That's what that is. Once again, I feel like they were just showing off

how much awesome special effects they could get for 30 grand. That's 30,000 Canadian guys. That's not even, listen, we spent on the hologramy thing and the moving line. I have a moving line program that I spent on. Listen, we spent on the hologramy thing and the moving line. I have a moving line program that I spent on. So. So, okay.

But so everybody prays for God's forgiveness and just then Berks shows up and he's like triple cross mother fuckers. And they're like, really? That's all we've got. Okay. Right. And I wrote good thing. He met Berks in the first one minute of being there.

Yeah. He really saved his athlete. So, okay. So then they're like, all right, how are we going to escape? one minute of being there. Yeah. You're really saved as athlete. So, okay. So then they're like, all right, how are we going to escape? And pretty much it's, all right, everybody kind of just go, Lulu, Lulu, and don't look suspicious. Oh, yeah, they just walk openly through the hotel to escape.

Yeah. Right. If they had all dressed as bushes or got on each other's shoulders in a trench coat, it would have been more effective than what they did. Is that a horse walking through? It's fun. It's fun. It seems to be getting ahead of it's, you don't know if they're caught back up. It's fun. So they try to do the lulu lulu normal walking through the hotel thing, but immediately they're like run, run walk. We're doing a normal run walk now. We want to go have it. And the guards are like, Hey, those people are run walking. Yeah, they're walking down like this large hallway. And then they go like 20 feet in one direction. And she goes,

wait, it's the other way. She missed her queue. And they've left. So, so they escape into the green house. And, and this, of course, where everybody's got to be like, set your phasers to stun. Remember that whole big thing about the walls? It's coming back, baby. Can't have bullets. So unnecessary. And this is also, by the way, where they were we first see the close up of the two dollar store plastic guns that they've taped together with like electrical tape. Okay. so they're going through this greenhouse and apparently miles and Kate have a plan. Kate will hit them with a hose and then miles will hit them with a bar and that'll knock them unconscious.

No, but like hitting them with a hose would be more effective than what she does. She just turns the water with a hose. Exactly. Literally, like they're playing, like they're playing by the fire hydrant, like. I'm sorry. And they're like, no, I am made of cotton candy. Like it feels like. Right.

I'm not saying. Well, but also, yeah, like it feels, again, it feels like your picture goes on the fridge too, right? Because he's like, oh, I'll hit him with this bar. And so I don't have any role in this at all. No, you also do a very important part. You will spray them with water. So they'll be wet with a hose really.

Two. And then you watch the guard actor who gets hosed be like, okay, now I'm wet while I kill you. Does that? Oh, okay. We're going to pretend that something with electricity and water, I get zapped because, all right, good team man's fine. Well, yeah, but he hits him with a fucking bar and knocks him out. If it had been on electricity, the thing at least it would make some fucking sense. They couldn't commit one way or the other, so they both didn't work.

Like that's what happened. Oh, did I just make up something that would have worked there? Yes, yes. And they didn't, a great, okay, even better. Yeah, because he gets the guy's electricity phaser laser gun, right? And then he's able to phase the next guys. Meanwhile, Berks has snuck into the monitor watching room at the back of that 7-11. And there's two guys there this time.

He stuns one of them and locks the other in a closet, except the closet doesn't have any kind of locking mechanism. No, it's just a broom closet that he's like, go in there, I'll close the door. Right, he doesn't even put a chair in front of it or anything. No, he might as well be like, wait, hold up one hand. Yeah, heal. You know, get in there it in your head, wait. Wait.

And just walks out with the hand up, yeah. Yeah. So Miles and Kate laser blast their way to the loading dock where the Mayflower 2 is docked, right? Oh, and to be clear, this is literally just somebody's garage that they shot this weekend. Oh, yes. Cause there's even like shelves on the side with like those big rubber-made bins and like

but it's just clearly some way for us. Yeah. Old peanut butter jars with old nails in them of different sizes. Old men's tool area. Yeah. So yeah, so Burke is meanwhile in the 7-Eleven back room getting the computer sufficiently touched repeatedly. It's so stupid because Solomon shows up, and he's like, which of us will heroically sacrifice themselves to stay behind and open the door? And it's just like, that I don't think either of us really need to. It wouldn't be impactful to the script.

We just met both of us as characters. Part to decide, I'm the guy who invented the magical spaceship to save all of Christianity. And you're a guard having second thoughts that was until today employed and keeping me in prison. You work at a prison colony, rock paper scissors. Oh God. So Solomon's Jesus, that's what's happened. Yes, uh, yeah, he's that. So Solomon's Jesus, that's what's happened. Yes. Yeah, he's that. So for no reason, well, just for Jesus. No fucking reason. Like, what can I help?

No fucking reason. My favorite though is that like all of these cops have them all surrounded in the garage at this point, and then Berks comes in with the same gun that they're all holding, but he only has one, and each of them have one, and he's like, you better put your weapons down and they're all holding, but he only has one and each of them have one. And he's like, you better put your weapons down and they're like, okay. Oh, you said it. Like, yeah, right. Because the cops say, or they say the release him and they're like, no, release us.

And he's like, oh, fuck, you said it. Second, damn it. Okay. All right. No, we don't have a comeback. So we must go into this closet, unlocked closet. That is dibs. It's because they had just finished improv Right just finished class and they're like guys. Yes, and yes, and It's Michael Skarn. It's perfect

So yeah, so they open the bay doors and the ship can escape, but not without flying real fast through space chasms. Jesus Christ. So we watched this way over long shot of like, and I had it listed as Nintendo 64 level spaceship chase. That's so funny. And I wrote this video game sequence is so boring. It was like watching someone else play a video game at really once, which is something that girls don't like doing. By the way, we don't enjoy that. Just to let you know. And with my wife though, she really does enjoy it.

I'm sure she does. No. Yes, she does. And I love it. He's flying through all these chasms and again, one guy is like, hey man, this ship has a cloaking device, remember? And he's like, we have to lose them first.

He's like, okay, are you aware of what cloaking is? Because that would do it. Fucking years. Why we have a cloaking device. Siri needed to come in and be like, you're so fucking dumb, I'm playing on a cloaking device. And also to be clear, we opened this movie

with you wearing a cloaking device and learning how these things work. Yep. Yeah, but they have to get ahead first and then go, I'll tell you, oh, all right. Well, I'll tell you what, I feel like we all need a minute to migrate

back to the middle of our seats after that exhilarating action sequence. So we're gonna pause for another break. But first, let me give AX through the hard sell here. Will the bad guys ever get a motivation? Will the good guys ever be good? Will anything ever make sense? Find out the answers to these questions or not when we return for the hilariously inept conclusion of Mayflower 2. Hey, God. You wanted to see me? Hey, Gabriel. Come on in. Have a seat. I just wanted

to talk to you about that project with those 30 Christian people in Oklahoma. Yeah, yeah, what's up? So the whole plan was to have them spread the gospel, and I just went over your last report. It says you had a rich guy build a spaceship. Yeah, yeah, to spread the gospel to the other planets. Oh, okay, all right.

Look, I was thinking like missionary stuff on earth You know, I mean good initiative. I guess just just just keep in mind that I'm a My fucking deity man. I mean we wanted to do stuff on other planets. I could just put bibles on those planets Totally no totally I didn't think about it. Yes, got it Also, it says that you turned the entire government of the United States into a fascist atheism state that's trying to kill all the Christians. Genocide, all the Christians. Yeah, I just figured it could be like a big journey.

They find a way to flee persecution, like the Mayflower. You know, you know, I had the King English just let those people leave, right? I did not know that. I did not know you just let them leave. Okay, it seems like you're making this whole assignment harder than it has to be. Right? Yeah, I don't. Sorry, sorry. I totally get what you're saying. Just you're saying keep it simple.

Exactly. Got it. Got it. We'll do. Sorry about that. Right, last thing. Just curious. What happened with the guy who made the spaceship to save the Christians and help spread the gospel to other planets. Oh, I set up an evil prison colony on Mars and I brought back slavery and I had to die there. Seriously? You're micromanaging me! Okay, Arts, sorry, we'll see how slavery goes this time. Thank you. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action on Earth with

rich and his illicit Christians getting awful desperate and smudgy down in their canter. Oh, yeah. Why is this smudgy? Well, there's a lot of coal down there and that's the chimney sweeps because you know, they make their own power. So coal fired plant. What a coal. And we first see like we see the sun. What's his name? And that's yeah. And that's like I'm like, why is his son a chimney sweep? Or is he definitely has a chimney sweep? Cause he's skinny like that and everything too, yeah.

But he's big. He's like, we're the taller than his dad, even though he's supposed to be young and he's super petulant and annoying. He's like, he's like Napoleon Dynamite before you like him. Yeah. Just complaining the whole time.

Yeah. Well, the movie wants him to be negative and complaining like it's a bad thing. But what he says, the words that come out of his mouth here, are like, can we just be like Christian without the bigotry? Like, PC Christian legal version and dad's like, no. You're right. You're the worst.

Yeah. We are bigots. But it's so weird because they love to talk about how big it is they are, but they never really do anything big in them. You notice that? Well, they put on the meta. Yeah, they put on the robes, but yeah, once the robes are. Oh, yeah.

Wait, but those are the brothers. Those are the brothers. Those are, oh, they do put on the robes. Everybody gets the robes. Everybody gets the robes. Yeah. So, yeah, so, but this is Go Golem's son, the Golem from before. This is his son and he's not into this illegal Christianity thing.

His dad is making him come to church, right? So Rich, the leader of the illicit Christians, he's talking to his inside guy in the government that's Gunther and he said, Hey, man, you have to contact my brother Miles, put me in touch with him. He's on the Mars County because I I don't know that he's escaped yet. And just then the big explosions that Nero has been planning the false flag operation happens. Right. None of this made sense to me. I had no idea what the plot was here. But now it does kind of make now that you're saying all this, it makes sense. That's what I'm here. kind of make now that you're saying all this it makes sense. That's what I'm here for. So yeah, and of course, Miles and Kate have made it back to Earth by this point. So they see all of these explosions and stuff from space. And in a very inconsistent manner, the explosions have

taken out all the communications on Earth. Except they can still communicate. Except that they absolutely can communicate. Yeah. She says like, I did some journalism. Yeah, she's like talking to my sources over here and they say, calms are down and they're like, wait, what? What? Yeah, journalism did you do? What are you talking about?

How are you talking to source? She's literally like on a phone. She's like, my sources are telling me the phones don't work. Yeah. I'm a podcaster. I'm helpful. No. Yeah.

So yeah, you guys are getting a little ahead of me here. So first though, we have to get, we go back to the catacombs where Rich is going to call Mars colony using with those down call. Well, but they're gonna use quote, military backup circuits. Yeah. But you're not dead. Oh, because of his inside man.

Yes, yeah, exactly. Gunther's gonna hook up with that and he says, but you can only talk for a minute, otherwise they'll be able to trace us. Okay, so there's like tension for no reason. Right, because they don't even talk for a minute. They don't have a minute's worth of conversation. Nope.

So Rich calls Mars Hilton and he's like, hey, man, is my brother Miles still there? And they're like, nope. And he's like, oh, well then, bye, I guess. What is his phone call? Hello, Mars. Can I speak to Miles overork my brother? What did he phone call? Hello Mars. Can I speak to Miles O'Rourke, my brother? What did he talk to? She's like, Oh, yeah, I know that guy. He's not here anymore.

Yeah. Do you like my shoulder pads? Isn't this when Gunther hangs up the phone, like right in the middle of the conversation, when something was about to happen, he's just like, I hang up now, I didn't, I didn't trust her. The receptions. Yeah, that did happen. Yes, that's funny. So he thought the receptionist for Mars, whatever the fuck that means, was about to trick rich into saying the address of their basement.

Right, yeah, one was out loud. I see nervous about. Also, I don't think she was a receptionist. I think she was literally the captain of the ship. Like, because there are so few people down there. And there's a cast. Yeah. Right.

Apparently the head of Mars colony answers the phone when you call to Jesus. Hi, this is America, president of the United States. Speaking. So, okay. So then we had back to the Mayflower too. This is where we get the scene where she's like, yeah, I've just talked to my sources. They say all communications are down.

Yeah, right. I'm stupid. I love it. But yeah, apparently Nero has bombed all of major cities, all of them. That day. And also, Ranchero Vistaista probably. Well, right. I wrote him my notes. Oh, it's Nero again. I love that note. Several times. So, but Marshal Law has been declared because of all the bombings now. And the government is saying that the

bombers are undergone. This is all stuff that she learned from her sources. Well, communications were done. The government is saying that the bombers are all underground Christians. But to be clear, as he pointed out much earlier in the film, they're already, they've been martial lawing from the beginning. Yep, the whole time, thank you.

I sure have. What's different now? Somebody had to be like, hey, boss, I know you want to like nuclear bomb every city or whatever, but we already have cops and we're already hunting down the Christian people. The movie starts in the yellow zone. Yeah. So fucking dumb. Yeah, so but Berks and Miles are going to go on an away mission apparently. They will actually have to land the ship. It's okay. It's cloaked. I so wanted Berks to put on a red shirt before they leave, but they did. All right, so we and apparently this is their they're gonna go down and try to save

rich and and and all his Christians. So the way they're gonna do that is they're gonna go to Rich's house and when they don't see anybody They're gonna yell his name a number of talk Just shake the box of food rich Check it you like it way under the bed okay way under the bed I It's just crawling all the way under the bed So but Burke's just like well it looks like he's not here should we give up immediately and miles is like yeah I think I think probably yeah, oh is that what happened? Yeah, yeah the scene realized they had nothing and they had to give up And they just left that's where I wrote oh M.G

I have no idea what's going on right that's where we are at this point in the movie. So okay, meanwhile, back in the catacombs, the illicit Christians are getting smudgerer than ever. Yeah, Rich just gets dirtier, dirtier every scene, but all he's doing is standing. Right. What are they doing down there? Stop trying to scrub and grease us on those stuff. Yeah, exactly. Butterfly kissing each other. do you do it? To be clear, I don't even think they're down there. They're just in an abandoned staple. Right. All this is. There's no reason to be dirty. Yeah, they say it's underground because of the catacombs reference, but yeah, that's, that's, yeah. So okay, and the kids are all like daddy, daddy. We're also very hungry and it's like right food. Shit. Oh, yeah

This little girl. This is the most Canadian part of the whole movie this little girl goes daddy. I'm hungry and he goes I'm Why are all the kids wearing orphan uniforms? What's happening there? On beyond, of course. Right, yeah. So Berks and Miles, they make it back to the ship and Kate's like, hey, we've got a message coming through and he says, on the down communication,

she says on the down communications, yeah. Would you believe that? But the message is encrypted and he's like, oh, did you think to push the button marked decrypt and she's like, oh, did you think to him push the button marked decrypt? And she's like, I did not think, he pushed that button, shit, I really should have come up with that on my own. But those are the coordinates that gun through sent them.

So now they know where rich is. Oh, rich and all the smudgy Christians are. So this is the decrypted message that they reference later. Yes, are the encrypted message. Okay. I was very confused. I guess very important plot point. I'm so glad because I thought I was wasting yarn at a certain point in this movie. I'm not glad it's going to be such thing. See my my my notes just say these scenes are very short. If my mind wanders at all which it does the whole time. I miss quote, important, unquote, spot points.

It's all right. I know that Noah's the fucking Christian movie whisperer, basically. He just like, he's sad. Well, usually Eli does that job. How many times do you watch it? I just once, just once. Oh, why? You get all this in one viewing?

Yeah, if you can believe that. Like, I know Eli watches it like 12 times because he's like a weird massacre. Yeah, no, he really, he just, one viewing. Wow, that is skill. Oh, if you can believe that. Like, I know Eli watches it like 12 times because he's like a weird massacre. Yeah. No, he really did it. He did it in one viewing. Wow, that is skill. Oh, thank you. So, okay, so we go back to the catcombs.

Everybody's asleep, but one of the kids hears something. It's Miles, but he's wearing the invisibility cloak. Now I have to point this out. This is one of these just weird inside baseball Christian movie things. We see Rich the brother. He picks up like a pipe or whatever. And he says, Miles, you're cloaked. I could have, and then there's an awkward silence.

Pause two, three. And Miles goes, yeah, but you didn't. And I know that that. So there was what happened there is they deleted a threat of violence in post production to appease the dove organization, right? He's like, what he originally said was something like, oh, so I could have killed you. And then dove was like, hmm, reference to killing one's brother. And they're like, I'll take it out. We'll take it out. He's like, I could have anally raped you. No, not gonna.

Not gonna. Should we leave that in? I don't know. It's quite biblical. You were wearing a clan robe. I could have killed you and they cut the could have killed you. Yeah, right. Yeah. Two pieces of dumb family. Amazing. I love, there's such a stupid like effort at science fiction. At one point, Miles goes, oh, you know, I'm sorry guys, I forgot I was wearing this invisibility cloak.

Sometimes you, you just forget you're wearing these and I'm like, no, because normally you can see you. You can't see your own fucking hand and you forget you're wearing that. That's so stupid. Think about what you're fucking writing on your paper. You also have fabric all over your face because that's how the hood works. That's going to catch the eye. And Rich says to Miles, he's like, come on, you got to meet our families.

And I'm like, do you've been gone? They've been gone for weeks. You're his brother. You had, did you have new kids and get divorced and remarried in the, do you guys remember who you are in the film? We went to an orphan engine picked up this group. They have uniforms. I don't know how we did that. Splines the uniforms. But I think he literally replies again at this point with no time for formalities. Yes. That's like we're well and actor. That would be so slow and clunky.

He's like, you're right. It would be no, never mind. Yeah, let's keep this movie tight. So right. Okay. Speaking of keeping this movie tight, this is where we introduced it for the remainder of the film. They have to get all of the Christians from where they are to the ship so they can all get away, but they only have enough invisibility close to get one third of them minus two at a time. Yeah, God damn it. They couldn't name numbers that would divide by three. No, you're right. Cause they were 28 people. Right. So I think their numbers are really awesome. Yes.

And but there were 30 of them. It was 28 plus the two. Oh, so it would have right would have worked if they named the right amount of cloaks. But they don't. Nope. But yeah, and he's like, so they load up one group with the invisibility cloaks and everything. And he's like, it's very dangerous. We'll have to be really quiet. And I'd be like, well, why did you just park the ship close

or it cloaks? Right, and clearly later, they make it very clear that they could have just done that. Yes. But they even show that there was a ladder that they could have lowered from the ship. So they could just gone straight, they could have lowered from the ship. So they could just gone straight out. They could have gone to the roof of the fucking staples that they were on.

It's just, yeah. I found free street parking though. It's a really good stuff. I get it for like three whole hours. I'm not paying for parking. Get a ticket on my invisible ship. They reiterate like 25 times women and children first, they're like really hitting you hard with women and children first in the scene.

And then later, later, the chimney sweet boy, Napoleon Dynamite is like, oh, yes, why can't I go? And they're like, you're not a woman or child. And on the very last group, they have the woman with the baby go. That's so stupid. They're not. You should have gone first. You would think the baby, because they needed the plot device of the baby cry.

Yeah. Well, actually, they didn't, but yes, agree with that. Yeah. No, they didn't. They never hold the trigger on that. They kept setting it up, but so much so that we think that they did, but no, they didn't. Yeah. So, okay. So Miles leads the first group out in their invisibility cloaks and then he starts uncloking and he's like, all right, guys, from here, it gets really dangerous and it's like,

well, then stop uncloking you fucking idiot. It's so much less dangerous if you just keep the invisibility cloak on the whole time. And we know that you can talk with it on because earlier when they barge in, he's like, boo, and they're like, who goes there? And he's like, it's me. Oh, fuck, I'm invisible. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They turn the corner around the side of the building and two evil cops are standing right there. And they turn off their invisibility stuff to have a conversation about it. Right. And you watch these cops that are fucking Koopa Troopers. Don't turn around when I say this, but did you hear the noise? I'm turning around until I get to the end of this platform.

So yeah. So, okay, so while they're doing that, we cut over to Blackney, the blue hologram bad guy. This is my favorite scene. And he's like, hey, you know, we've just, we've found a transmission, but we haven't deciphered it yet. It's encrypted. And even once it's not, it won't, once we unencrypted it, it'll probably be in code.

And it's like, well, then it's not unencrypted yet. It appears to be a string of numbers and letters. And I'm like, no, no, it is a string. You have to use the teddy. And that's going to be true whether or not it's encrypted, man. Would you expect it to send all emojis? That's just language. Mojise. That's just language. I don't know, it's just the smell of purple. I don't know. Do we decrypt that? What? And this is the point where I'm starting to ask myself, why is the government so concerned about Rich O'Rourke and his cell of like Mary Christians banding about in the staples? No idea. Yeah, because this movie is weirdly global and local, right? Like this is supposed to be happening all over the world, but everything's really going down

in Sepolpa, Oklahoma, or whatever, right? And like so far they've done nothing except hang out. Like if not engaged in any sort of. Well, they've made their own power and gardened like a while again. Yeah, it's been a minute. It's been a bit of a good deal of board games. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So Miles makes it to the to the ship with the first group. There's this nothing happens along the way. No, at all. Right. So you can't help but be like, well, why did you break it into multiple groups if nothing was going to happen to them?

Well, and also, by the way, later and spoiler alert, we discovered that you can just throw a cloak over more than one person and it still work. Yeah. I don't think I just go out and three is like, I don't understand. Hey, is that a Nazi horse walking bias? Evil guards. I'm gonna let it go. understand. Hey, is that a Nazi horse walking by us? I'm a sh- Evil guards, but I'm gonna let it go. Yeah. Okay, so Miles gets back to the ship. He's got the first group and the ship is getting a message from Blackney from the bad guy. And he's like, oh, he has a whole bad guy monologue for us and he's like, yeah, I sure do.

Yeah. So Blackney knows how to talk to the ship? Apparently, yeah. Yeah. So Blackney knows how to talk to the ship? Apparently. Yeah. He made a Zoom call to the ship just to Tunt, but I love that like Miles shows up and Black ney was like, okay, Blackney's on a call for you. So he was on hold. So the people ahead of the atheist government did a Zoom call and they were like, yeah,

please hold just a couple minutes and then miles. Yeah, well, it's not. He gets back to the ship. Though he'll do. Yeah, like the host will let you into the room. Yeah. Is there an option where you call me back when he gets there? Cause I have stuff to do.

Also, so he's like, what's the plan here, Blackney? What are you after? And the movie just stops dead and goes, oh, shit. I don't, we never really, um, and so Blackney's like, all I want is peace in our time. And I'm like, guys, is this movie anti-peace in our time? I think it is. Yes, it is. I think it is. Yes, it is. So Miles turns off the message. He doesn't want to hear about peace in our time. Well, not without saying, who should I fear God or man? Oh, yeah, right.

And you're like, what's it? Well, one of them exists. Well, right now, at least, right? Like this guy's going to genocide all your people, right? You're, you're using invisibility clips. So you very clearly fear man. I mean, God gives you through those things. So you would think, okay.

And just that. So he turns off the message and just then black needs minions come in and he says, Hey, sir, there have been strange sightings west of town. Which town? The, the town. It's a football globe. And God damn it. We're all the, we're all the action happened. The rancher, Ranchero Vista subdivision, don't be a dick. So this is when I discovered that Gunther was a double agent. It took me this long.

I think he's a triple agent. Oh, shit. I recognize him. And I was like, wait, that's the cop from her. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's hard to tell if they're all in the sea of white, doughy faces. Right.

Yeah. Like, who is who? So, y'all, Canadians look the same to me too. It's hard to tell it through all the, the sea of white, Joey face. Right. Yeah. So, y'all Canadians look the same to me too. It's okay. No. No. No. It's okay. So, Miles gets back to the hideout to the catacombs and he's like, all right, we're ready

for group number two and it's like, really, we're going to do this three fucking times. He's like, if you can believe that shit. But this is where Emmett really goes full gall, right? He's like, I don't want, wanna go stupid Mars on your stupid ship with stupid invisibility cloak? And Gala trying to talk him down. By reminding him about that story where the three profits got thrown into the furnace in Daniel.

Was that what was happening? Because the sound design was so bad that I couldn't really understand him most of the time. I should have been watching with subtitles. Yeah, yeah, no, the subtitles were great because they would say stuff like brothers grunting was so bad that I couldn't really understand him most of the time. I should have been watching with subtitles. Yeah, yeah, no, the subtitles were great because they would say stuff like brothers grunting from time to time. It was a whole ton of fun.

I think he closes that with, we will not be disloyal to the one and true God. Kapiche? Yeah, see, yeah. Okay, dad. Yeah, this is the kid, the god kid being like, okay, so you're saying we need to get on a spaceship because Jewish guys from 2000 years ago would be disappointed if we don't because of a furnace thing with a guy named Daniel, or just to be clear, we could not hate gay people. Those are the opposite dads, like exactly we're doing the first thing.

Yep, right. We are not going to politically correct church dammit. So meanwhile, the bad guys are still hard at work on that code. They have a, they have a partial decryption. No, because we only have a jumble of numbers and letters. That's not a partial. It's just where you started. Okay.

We have different numbers and letters now, though. What amount of decryption tells you it's coordinates, but you don't know the coordinates. No, it's just not even decryption works. So earlier, he says it's decrypted. It's just a string of numbers and letters. And now he says it's partially encrypted. Now it's partially decrypted.

We have a jumble of numbers and letters. Okay, it was the smell of purple. We got it to numbers and letters. I think they're coordinates guessing. Yes. But now we need to get what the coordinates are. Oh, and it wasn't the the encryption specialist, the decryptor that said it was coordinates. You know, it's what coordinates don't have letters. This is the number. You guys, it's like virtually everything would work here except coordinates. No, he's like, he's like, the letters are only E W S and N.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what this means. A lot of time when there's four next to each other, it's like, that's that because THET if the first and last one are the same. It's like a cryptic quote. Oh, there you go. We got this. So, okay. So now the second group also gets to the ship without any event or thing happening or

whatsoever. And Kate is like, only one more trip left. And Miles is like, no, actually, two more trips because we have two, two few cloaks. This is a huge plot point. They have two cloaks, two few to get it in one more trip. Keep that in mind. Yet again later, they all hide. Two more.

Okay, not only that, but when they lose one of the people, they still have two cloaks, two few. So fucking stupid. But just then the bad guys to creep the message and they get the coordinates, it turns out the coordinates are on a band and warehouse on again, the west side of town. Right, it's the bad side.

Yeah, right side of the city. The sinister. So black needs like, I'll be there in an hour and I'm like, really? I hope the whole fucking hour is it's gonna take it so me Right, how big is this and how right very like 12 people I'm on hold on a zoom call. It'll be a little while Personal zoom room yet So yeah, so back in the catacombs. They're they're now shooting up for the fucking pen ultimate trip

Why haven't you do this why haven't be a fucking fox and green thing here? Just have the numbers right? Just go with all it whatever. It's so stupid. But before they can go though, the bad guys show up in the warehouse. And now, as we've mentioned, all of them can hide under one giant stitch together cloak. Yeah, it's just a pile also walk. Oh, but they're hiding. Wait, they're hiding from the shitty kid, right? Didn't the shitty kid just mark them out? Yeah, right. So they all hide and then the cop show up and the shitty kid, Emmett, he comes in and is like, Hey, guys, I'm the turn coat that we talked about earlier. I'll help you find them. They're right over here, right?

But then they're not there. Right. Well, yeah, because they're invisible and the cops are all, he's like, they're under a invisibility cloak right here and the cops are like, ah, it's a bunch of bullshit. We don't believe you. And he's like, I guess I could probably just tug on it. But instead, I'll just stand here, jawg game. He just gets in a tug of war. No, stop, no, stop, you stop, you stop.

They're not here. And then they're having a conversation about how they need to go and save Emmett. Like Emmett's going with the cops. He has decided that he wants to be with the atheist government, I guess. And like, they take an inordinate amount of time. So like, have a diet tribe about why they can't rescue the nerd kid who doesn't want to come with them anyway. Right.

Yeah. And by the way, that means that they have one fewer person that needs a cloak now. This movie will not recognize that in any way. Okay. Now the fox just leaves. We just go across the river, right? Right. Yes. We just load everything, but no.

But yeah, so golem wants to save Amit rich is like, I don't, maybe we'll save your shitty kid in the fucking sequel or something, man, but not now. We've got too much shit going on. Yeah. And of course, this is where everybody has to have the like, but which of us will stay behind or which two of us will stay behind without cloaks and be the heroes of the movie. And of course, it's going to be rich and miles to brothers. Oh, yeah, they like do like a weird fake out.

Yeah, they're like, oh, you got it. Yeah, right. I'm on the way. Touch you last. Yeah. And the guy's literally with his fist and they're like, you got it. Yeah, right. Touch you last is the rule.

And this is absolutely my favorite moment in the entire fucking movie. Rich and Miles come up in the two Koopa Troop of cops are still out there, right? And he's like, we need to create a diversion. So they just yell, pspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspspsps cats from their lunch or something. And it doesn't work at first because the Cooper Troop business still face the other way. Yes. Hey, Lois, mom is going to be useless until they get to the other end of that platform. Yes. And it's not a diversion. If it's just, hey, look at me.

Now fuck what do I do? I guess I'll go hide behind a dumpster. Yes. That's not a diversion. And like that's just come chase me. Oh shit, there's nowhere to hide behind a dumpster. Yes, that's not a diversion. And like that's just come chase me. Oh shit, there's nowhere to hide except a dumpster. Yeah, somehow it still works. And especially not helpful if you get behind the dumpster

where you're supposed to be hiding and then you take out a really loud radio and start talking. Oh yeah, his walkie talkie's like, boom, can I get your location? Yeah. Yeah. We're behind a dumpster over. Oh, you can keep pushing about again. Also, by the way, we're behind a dumpster over. Oh, you can keep me push the button again. Also, by the way,

they're creating a diversion so that invisible people will be able to sneak by. What the fuck is going on in the mind of the God be of eight year old that sleep away Bible camp who wrote this shit. Oh, they're eight. So great. We need to make enough noise that nobody hears the violin going, Blung, Blung. All right. So miles and rich, they run off and they're

like, they're calling the ship and they're like, Hey, after those guys get there, why don't you come park closer to us? And we can get on the ship. And they're like, fuck, man, we should have just done that in the first place. Why the hell didn't we think of that? Yeah, they're literally like, bro, I'm behind a dumpster. Can you pick me up ship and they're like, fuck, man, we should have just done that in the first place. Why the hell didn't we think of that? Yeah, they're literally like, bro, I'm behind a dumpster. Can you pick me up? And they're like, sure, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably. No, we're in invisible ship.

We can literally do whatever we want. It's so easy. There's also a great moment where they get to the rendezvous point and they think they're like, hey, do you think that they're parked here or not? Cause it's invisible. And so Rich just starts throwing rocks into the air to see if one of them plonks off the ship. Oh, that's why he's throwing rocks. I just wanted him to break the window and they're

like, well, now we need a new window, Rich. We're going to space you, asshole. Literally, all I wrote for this entire scene, because it's just them like running and throwing rocks was, I can tell this scene is supposed to matter because the music is getting dead. Heavy breathing and rock throwing for show. So yes, so now we have the now we have two grown men playing laser guns, right? Because like the cops show up in their fucking 2018 SUVs from the future And they have to run around like shooting laser pistols at them and send them drones after them and everything and we just again We just get two grown men go. Oh, hide behind that tree. Can't get me didn't you missed you missed it didn't get me didn't even get me see Have bracelets my magic bracelets the bounces right off

Well, you have a lot of notes for this next. I also love, so we go back to the ship, right? And the third group is showing up on the ship, or at the ship. And the guys running the ship, like Berks and Cater, like, hey, hurry, hurry. And the guys, the third group, are like, why, hurry, hurry. And the guy's the third group is like, why? What's going on? You're escaping from an evil government is trying to kill you for your religion. Is that not enough to merit hurrying? Were you just following the people

with the invisibility click to pull up? Just because you didn't know why. He dropped some acid earlier in the night. Oh yeah, I have a good time. Like, what are we doing? Do what they tell me to. I don't know, I saw these guys at White Castle. I've been good time. Like, what are we doing? This is a good, this is a good time. I don't know. I saw these guys at White Castle.

I've been hanging with them for a couple of years. So yeah. So, Richard Miles stuck off. They called the ship and they're like, hey guys, are you here yet? We're sick of throwing rocks around and they're like, no, uh-uh. Which means they could be like, hey, meet us at a different place. The cops are parked at our original rendezvous, but they don't. No, the conversation literally goes, boop, where are you?

Boop, coming. Yes, it's like very specific. Right. Right. Like how do they know where they all? We tried to get close. It was alternate side next to where you said to go. Again, I'm not paying for this.

So yeah, so the good guy ship shows up. Don't worry, it's invisible so they didn't have to pay for extra graphics or whatever. Luckily, the bad guys are absolute fucking storm troopers with their guns, right? Because they're just in a clearing shooting at a two unarmed guys and I don't know, they throw out like 4,000 lasers and never hit anything. Yep. Yep. Oh, so they send a drone out to get them. Now, the graphics are so bad that I'm only putting this together in retrospect, but I think that the invisible ship hits the drone.

Oh, is that what happened there? I think so because the drone, we never hear it from the drone again. They're like, what was that that we hit? And then we never hear it from the drone again. So. Oh, okay. They really need to hire you to like post talk, make their shit work. Yeah, you can do those like those like DVD extras.

Yeah, you like explain the movie with the director. I'm like, oh, you were going to explain the movie to the director at this point. Exactly. So, and, and, okay, and then this is so fucking stupid. I love this so much. So black knee catches miles, right? He's got a gun on miles and, and rich. And then the block turns on black knee and rich. And then Leblanc turns

on black knee and you're thinking to yourself, wait a minute, you guys forgot to tell me who Leblanc was. We never met Leblanc. It's just some dude that's like, ah, but I was on their side the whole time. And it's just like, we don't know who you are, man. No, it just walks into the frame. Okay, Leblanc was a triple cross guy. You guys, this is important. The Mayflower was invisible. It ran into the drone.

He's a triple cross. The other guy earlier is actually a pen tuple cross looking like a triple. Those are kind of the same. This all makes sense. You're welcome. But then that doesn't matter because then all the other bad guys show up and like, yeah, but Leblanc, we're on the bad guy side and now we have guys on you. Oh, wait, is LeBlanc the guy later on in the ship that's wearing the marching band uniform?

Um, I was like, is he? I think that's Berks. No, no, there's another guy. Oh, I recognize Berks and then I was like, how was there another marching band guy on this band? Oh, there you go. Yeah, no, that was probably a little blunt or maybe God's there. Christ, Leblanc means the white,

the bad guy's called Blackneed. This has to be on purpose. No, no, no. They're French. They know the French for no one. Yes, you're right. You're right, my God, no. So, okay.

So now everybody has a gun on everybody. And there's this moment where Blackne need just starts talking through the writers in her monologue. Right? He's like, oh, everyone has a gun on everyone. How will it end? Will I shoot you or will A shoot B and triple cross C or will A first shoot C and then B will double cross D. It goes on for so long.

The great a fox in a hen show up. It gets so complicated that they don't know what to do. And we for 10 minutes, the movie, while we watch, tries to figure out how the standoff dynamics work. Yes. And they don't figure it out. And they're just like, chip blow up things now. So we don't have to figure it out.

Explosions. So what about that? How there's like missiles on the ship. up things now so we don't have to figure it out. Explosions. What about that, huh? There's like missiles on the ship. It's like, why wouldn't they have started with that then? Fuck, did the atheist guy leave for the day? We don't know what to do right now. Can we get him back?

Can somebody call him? So, okay, and then they're like, all right, get on board the ship now. We'll drop the ladder and Miles goes, wait, there's a ladder and Chris and Rich goes, yes, there's a ladder. And then they drop a rope. Could they not afford the word rope? Right. It's a very easy edit. I just have to digitize a ladder, just save room. Just, you know, don't lie in your script, because you can just write them not lie. So yeah, so they get, they tie the rope around them and then they all get away and Blackne is very, very upset. As he would be, I mean.

Yeah, well, I don't hear. What are the consequences of this for the atheist government? Not, right? There are none. There are no consequences. Right, because they're gone now. One way or the other. And they got their land.

So that's what they wanted. Right, they got them off of the planet. They don't even have to pay to feed them in a prison. This is win, win, win, win. Right. So, okay. So now we cut to the Mayflower too. It's made it back to orbit.

And the movie is trying to retroactively tell us what the plot was. Oh, that's what's going on. Right? Because we see the lights are all switching back on on Earth and they're like, so do we go to Mars now? I mean, that's a prison colony. They're like, no, we go back to Earth and he's like, the planet we just left.

Yeah, it's so weird. He's like, we've escaped, but we have nowhere to go. It's like so sad. Yeah, they're like we're like the new Mayflower and I'm like Colonialists you guys don't see what's wrong at all Your Canadian guys I feel like And then there's this weird emotional montage, but like there's no history Right, it's just all these people who we don't know looking at walls. And we see the block looking pensively out into space and we're like, who is he?

And then, and then, and then they're like, but we will stay here on earth and help the Christians. It's like, you're in space now. You're not on earth. That's very good. See, I thought they were like, God will guide us and bless us into colonialism. They were gonna go off into the universe and colonize,

you know, and populate and, and, missionary. I guess, yes. Yup. Yeah, because they say like, may God guide and bless our mission, I'm sure he'll figure out a plot. The, for the may flower. Yeah, because they say like may God guide and bless our mission. I'm sure he'll figure out a plot. The

For the may flower. Yeah. This is something we're proud of. Apparently. Yikes. And I will say, so the credits come up and it is so sad how many people are in those credits. Like so many people dedicated some portion of their life to this. There were two people listed to fight choreographers. What? Yeah. Your guess is as good as mine. Somebody was like an advisor on how to hose somebody else in a aggressive way.

You literally watched the credits of this. I was so thrilled. The second, the first word popped up. I was like, done. I'm done. I did it. All right. So once again, we have an impossibly heavy-handed movie that still manages to be completely ambiguous

about its moral. So we've tried a few on to any guesses though for you guys what final answer, what was the moral of the story? If Christians want to take their ball and go home, let them, because it doesn't fucking matter. That's great. Okay. All right. I kind of like that. Mine was, if your government changes its name to Nero and goes all PC on you, you should probably start a revolutionary Christian set of 28 people and escape on a spaceship, but not Mars. You want to go anywhere but Mars? Yes, get your ass to not, Mar. But wait, wait, wait, okay.

So I was still confused, but I decided to read the comments, because this was on YouTube. Ooh, and commenter, whoof. Jason Hen, shout out to Jason Hen. He nailed this. Jay Hen's, ooh, ooh. Okay, here it is. Are you ready? I'm going to try and do it the best justice I can.

Okay. Quote. It's kind of a little goofy, but offers some clean escapeism. And it's right on with the central message that in this era of decades of easy bellifism. What anybody? Any ideas? No. Easy belief. I'm sure. Easy belief is. But no, he spells it. Easy bellifism. Easy bellifism. All one word. The no cost to our face. false doctrine, we're suffering through four decades, number four decades, producing many who have joined and have faith

of word only now with COVID times, we see many falling away when there's no cost to their faith becoming a parent, though it has exposed the few remnant churches and all are growing like weeds. Now that all can see the letter C, the difference between those with their lamp on a hill versus those with theirs under a basket, that's for God to dis guide about though very biblical times, I think, period. That's a one sentence, that whole thing was one of God's damn sentence. Yes, yes. Okay. Hoping for repentance number four and then revival, but not seeing much of that, but biblical that way.

It doesn't exactly conform to dispensational pre-trib eschatology, though, considering its hundreds of years forward of now. And in 2022, the pre-trib thing is looking very likely for the good and bad of it. Period, still overall with no budget. I said, still overall with no budget, I suspect totally worth the watch thumbs up. You know, it's about as clear as the film.

Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Oh, let me get my yarn and my pushpins and work on that. I bet you need yarn and pushpins to diagram that sentence. So Jesus. All right. You need yarn and pushpins to diagram that sentence. All right, well, Cara, thanks as always for hanging out with us. Always a pleasure. Oh, sure. If that's what you want to call it,

this was pleasure for us. And well, that doesn't for our review of Mayflower 2. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to chase our tails again next week. So tell us, he's what's on deck of you to a kill. Oh, you're going to go after the two grand, grand soundtrack. Fuck. Fuck yeah. So with that, the look forward to, we'll bring episode three, fifty four to a merciful close. What's it going to huge thanks to Cara Santa Maria

for hanging out alongside us. If you want to hear more from her, be sure to check the show notes for links to her other work and a perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon owners and help make the show go. If you like to kind of use something among their ranks, you can make a pre episode donation to patreon.com slash god offline there by your own or laxist to an ad free version of every episode. You can'd like to count yourself among the ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash God off. And thereby earn a lot access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help it to end by leaving the five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media

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you can email Godoff from movies.gmail.com, legal services for this podcast, provide a way to law, this is a P. Adverture, and it's time for our episode to take care of our social media, our theme song was written in a performance by Ryan Slot, and we can move it to Jeff's on Mars. All of the music was written in performed by Ryan Slot and the group of Jeff San Mars. All of the music was written in performed by our audience and our Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen right now, right?

Neely Bosnian, I'm Nollisions, promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes. They went back to Earth and well, you'll have to tune in to Mayflower 2...2! I'm not going to let you go! Emmett went on to learn about butt stuff and not really care what church he went to anymore. For sure, that's what Emmett did. During that first winter on Venus. Nothing happened because they all got vaporized way before the London Olympics. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.