God Awful Movies - 356: Knowing

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of Knowing; a film that asks "what if angels are aliens and the protagonist never mattered?" --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K Pick up your tickets to see us at QED here: https://qedcon.org/ Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

To the museum and basically he's like hey Caleb you go flirt with the daughter I'll flirt with the mom will see who has more luck right yeah that's exactly it it's rough he goes over to the mom and he's like hmm hello is that your daughter that's a really bad start don't say that what is really bad well the the daughter says, she's like, did you know that all wolves are born deaf? And I'm like stealing pickup lines from Heath, that's rude. Um, in fact, also blind, they're also born blind and deaf. God awful, movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be back. I'm so happy. We watched the best movie. Oh, we did. So good. We did. We'll get there in a second, though. Unfortunately, Eli did not watch it with us, but we're happy to welcome back a veteran guest massacres. And instead, Michael Marshall is the host of Bereastable

to cohost the skeptics with a K the project director for the Good Thinking Society, the editor for skeptics magazine, UK. And also one of the organizers of QED, the single best conference in all of skepticism, which is coming back to Manchester in October and includes a live Gamre record. Check the show notes for more information. Marsh, welcome back. Guys, you are welcome for this film. And you know what? I need this film. The last time you went to record, I didn't appear on the show because I had several catastrophes happening at once. I needed the catharsis of watching this film and then being able to talk about this film with you guys. That's fair. That's fair.

This was delightful. All right, so we've teased it quite a bit, but I'll ask you now, tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched, knowing it's the story of Nicholas Cage being an astrophysics professor at MIT. And God having to genocide the entire planet in response to that. Nick Cage is an astrophysicist with the least believable part of this film. Yeah,

yeah. I mean, at that point, the genocide seems like a reasonable reaction. Yeah. If we've got to that point, we probably should start over. All right. And Marsh, how I, I feel like I'm using the wrong wording here, but it is sort of the format. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love disaster movies, like don't look up, but you feel that the real disaster was that the scientists failed to accept Jesus as that personal law and savior. You will love this movie. Yeah. No, it becomes a Christian film eventually

trust us. Now, Mars, this was your suggestion as we already alluded to. So do you might tell in the audience why you decided to inflict this one on us? Oh, God, yeah, absolutely. So I was so excited for you guys to see this film. I watched this film kind of earlier on in the pandemic. And at the time, I was, oh, God God, Gam have to do this film. And then I completely forgot why I'd recommended it or even that I'd recommended it. So when Eli mentioned last week and Marshes especially recommended this one, I was like, have I? And I got into watching, I was like, oh, yeah, oh yes.

Oh yes. Now, but because this film has no idea what it's meant to be. Yes, but I honestly think they may have inadvertently made the perfect Gam film, because it's a numerology film. It's a global disaster film. It's a spooky strangers film. It's a creepy kids have got sort of magic powers film. And then all of that isn't enough.

So they end by doing a really hard turn into very heavy religion. Yeah. And it's like, in my head, the director in the editing suite had like a gamworthy question mark dial in the edit. And he's like, no, just have to keep edging it up a little bit while in his mind, maintaining full eye contact with you both. Like you fuckers are going to review this movie.

Clearly. Yeah. So okay, so is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. And we've already touched on it It's best worst astrophysicists there you've got Nicholas P. As the astrophysicist We've got his friend the astrophysicist and there at MIT they're doing astrophysics Something freaky is happening with the Sun in a day's time and they haven't noticed it at no point to have they noticed that the Sun is going really

Fucking weird they just astrophysicist looking at the look the stars, looking at the sun and not notice what's going on. We were looking in the other direction from it. It was that okay. Sorry. Very clearly they were. And then your Nicholas Cage, we talked about numerology. He's presented with a string of numbers. He figures out some of those numbers of dates and some of those numbers are a specific detail about an event that happened in a specific place, but he can't figure out what the other numbers may be. And as an astrophysicist, co-ordinate, don't come into his mind as a possibility. Yes. Well, they're telling us when a thing happened and what happened. I wonder what other information they could be trying to convey. Where is there a how is there a numerical? And what's amazing to me is that it's not just

that there's this disaster that's going to happen with the sun. It's that there's already shit happening with the sun. Yeah, it's been happening for weeks, right? They keep alluding to, yeah, then electronics are going out and it's way hotter than it should be. And you would think that the astrophysicist, you know, wouldn't have time for hobbies at the moment, but no, they don't even see it coming. So I was, and we've already alluded to this one as well.

I'm going to go with best worst surprise Christianity. Right? Because it's like the movie is surprised that it's Christian. It's like every time that the Christian shit comes up, the whole movie stops. It looks to the left of the camera and it goes, oh, right, the gam dial. What's the question mark? Forgot, sorry, forgot. He's going to 11. Nice. We're going all the way. Yeah. So I was going to go with best worst rocks. Okay. Okay.

They have rocks. They're sure the movie is certain that there's something with these little black rocks and they're going to be like an omen and then a thing and then a check of rock gun. Nothing happens. It's the, they're, they're trying so hard throughout the movie. You can see the movie like yes, ending itself and like, yes, eight, yep, and this rock will show up here. And then it's totally gonna,

gonna, gonna tie in. No, it's not gonna tie in nothing. No, and they also seem to think that the rocks are gonna be spooky, right? Like that you're gonna see the rocks and you're gonna go, oh, rocks. Did this come out like right after the Blair Witch Project, maybe when they're like, I know sticks work to maybe rocks would also scare people. It's like, it's like seven or eight years after that, I think, yeah. Yeah, I think, I have a theory. I think in the script, rocks are just written as a placeholder. There you go. We're going to do a thing here. Let's put rocks for now. We'll come back to it.

And then they never did. Oh, look, I found another Laura Mipsum. This is so weird. Holy shit. This is an omen. But as omen's got, it's just really silly because they have to give you to the rocks. Like that, we'll talk about it. There's someone giving someone a rock as if it's ominous, but it's just like, Oh, it's like, here's a shiny pebble I found. Like it like really is changing with an eight-year-old, who's just showing you that favorite rocks. Ha-ha-ha. All right, well, I'll tell you what,

there is Nick fucking cage on the other side of this break. So we're gonna do you the favor of keeping it free, but when we come back, we'll dive into all the ignorance that is knowing. So what do you think? Nah, you need more shoe polish, right? Like mine. Oh, okay, I'll add some more.

Hey guys, what are you doing? Oh, we're getting our teeth ready for QED this year. We want to fit in when we go to England. So we thought we'd maybe um... What are you about to frame the entire quipad around the tired and offensive stereotype about British people having bad teeth? No, also. Yes. No.

Also, no. Wouldn't it just be easier to tell our listeners that good health starts with good habits? And that's why Quit makes it easy by delivering all the oral care essential that you need to care for your mouth. Well, that's true. The Quit Electric toothbrush is loved by over 7 million mouths and has time sonic vibrations with 30 second pulses to guide a dentist recommended two minute clean, as well as a lightweight and sleek design with no wires or bulky charger to weigh you down. Plus, you get a multi use travel cover that doubles as a mirror mount for less

clutter. It's perfect for traveling to England for QED, for example. Right. We then that's why we were we were talking about getting ready for QED. Yep. That's it ties it in. Sure is that it's the travel cover. Yep. Okay. Yeah. The cover it in. Sure is. That's the travel cover. Yep. Okay. Yeah. The cover, right? Well, now Quip offers more than just the brush.

They've got everything you need to build a complete routine, including anti-cavity toothpaste in mint and watermelon that helps prevent cavities and refillable sugar-free gum that has a long lasting mint flavor and comes with a Spencer. All right, Marsh, we're solved. How do we sign up? Just go to getquip.com slash awful right now and you'll get your first refill free. That's your first refill free at getquip.com slash awful. Spelled G-E-T-E-Q-U-I-P.com slash awful. Quip, the good habits company. Okay, but British people do have funky teeth, though, right? No, you're from Georgia. Okay, with drawn. You had to get dentures at 45 years old.

I said with drawn. All right, guys, welcome to the very first writer's room meeting for the new Nick Cage movie. No way. Now, all right, so we've already gotten a basic outline to work from visionary director Alex Proyus. It's about what he wants to do with this film. So Theo, can you read that for us? Okay, yeah, sure. So he's got

yada yada yada playing crash yada yada yada subway derailment yada yada yada city blowing up. Oh, is that all? Well, at the bottom he's doodled a duck with an excessively large penis, but I'm guessing that's unrelated. Yeah, no, he does that a lot with memos too. Okay, so I guess all we need then is protagonist and antagonist, a plot, some exposition and inciting incidents and rising action, a climax, some falling action and a resolution. So, um, okay, let's just start at the top. Shout out ideas if you have them.

Nick Cage's character is a professor. An atheist. An idiot. Exactly. Excellent. An idiotic atheist physics professor. Okay. Okay.

And the antagonists are aliens aliens. Demons stalkers. They stalk creepy whispers. They do that. Yes. Excellent. So demonic aliens that stalk people with creepy whispers and turn out to be angels.

Hey, Dave. Yes, Sam. Okay, I feel like maybe we should just pick one idea sometimes just the one. Yeah, we don't always have to use all the ideas. What, sorry guys, I was just doing a little thing called teamwork. Maybe part of it. Yeah, I just feel like good writers make choices, you know.

Okay, okay, but answer me this then, which movie tends to be better? One with one single bright and credit or one with seven? Exactly. Now, just shout it out, who's got some exposition? Oh, his wife died in a hotel fire. He's estranged from his dad. He lost his faith in our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. A little girl rode out of mysterious code 50 years ago

and stuck it in a time capsule. Yeah. This movie's gonna be awesome. And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna open things up in 1959 at the opening of a new elementary school. And I think this is the least effort I've ever seen to make something look like it's the 50s. This is just, we've got a few costumes.

It'll be fine. Yeah. It's the hair thing. The 50s was all hair. Nothing else matters. You don't do any of the work in the scene. We got brutal skirts and train hobos and hair 50s done. And C.P.A. filter. Yep. That's it. And this is where we're going

to meet Lucinda, who is a little kid at the school who's staring directly into the sot. Yeah. Like fucking Donald Trump checking out an eclipse. Yeah, I assume she was just trying to make herself live forever. Reverse. We've been done this road. Not up the clips. Yeah, I assume she was just trying to make herself live forever. Reverse. We've been done this. Not up to eat. Yeah. Can you eat it?

Can you eat the sun? Are you kidding? So yeah. And she's hearing the whispering demon voices that have been in every horror or pseudo horror film for the last 27 fucking years. Right. Yeah, that's got to be obnoxious. She looks, she's terrifying.

Like, my note was, she will murder me. Is she standing right behind me right now? But like, I get it. If I had to deal with these like demon whispers or whatever is happening all the time, yeah, I'd murder people. Right. Right. So, okay, so, but they call them into class.

We go into the classroom and it turns out that Lucinda has won the best idea of how to celebrate the opening of our new school competition. Her idea was with the time capsule. And this is where the teacher does this kind of exposition done by asking questions to the class that yes, miss. So she's saying things like, so we're doing a time capsule. And one of the kids puts his hand and says, what's a time capsule? And I think a more potent question is, why a time capsule? Come on, they're shit. Nobody wants a time capsule. They're not fun to put in. They're not

fun to take out. They're rubbish. Do something else. They're sure that it is fascinating to watch a cylinder be pulled up in the air from lower in the sun. I had to be pushed down into the ground from the air. Yeah. Right. Both ends of this, this movie is pretty sure are really exciting. So yeah. But the assignment is that each of the kids is going to draw a picture of what they think

the future will look like in 50 years. But Lucinda instead does just a big long list of numbers. Right. Yeah. If I was through on the future, I think I'd put like an ocean that's on fire and that's it, like just a picture of that, I don't know. Yeah, you would have won.

I've got to say as well, draw a thing that a stranger might possibly look at in five decades is a really low pitch for each excitement for these kids. I don't think I'd be that bothered by that. Yeah, you're a thing, so I might look at in half a century. Yeah. Right, right. But the kids are all in. They are orgasming all over the fucking room when she announces of. Yeah. But so Lucina's writing her code down. This is important. The teacher takes it away from her like too early. Lucina's clearly still writing stuff. So the magic code she's

got going is going to be missing stuff. And that's a big deal. Yep. In there. Yep. Very important. I think plot. No, yeah. No, this is that's very, it's going to come up later. So then we, we cut to the thing, the, like ceremony, where they're burying the time capsule with much pomp and much circumstance. But Lucinda is standing way over in the, of the crowd being creepy with her single balloon. And they gave all the kids balloons just so they could get her holding a single balloon looking like it's it.

That's what that was. This is ripping off it. That's exactly it. Yep. How do you not look over her and be like, hey, Lucinda, you clearly know about some evil magic thing that's happening. Are you doing so? And now you're staring at me.

You're holding one balloon like the, I know what you're doing, you have to tell us. You seem to be involved in some kind of exposition here, could you just like lay it out for us? So yeah, but then we see her balloon floating away because she's suddenly gone missing. So we have like the cops and the teachers all looking for her in the school.

Nobody thinks to turn on the fucking lights. Well, this is it because the ceremony took place in the middle of the day. Right, yes. In bright sunshine. And that's when she went missing, but it was dark by the time the police were starting to check inside the school for her. And I was like, who are these,

the Yovale police department? Oh, God. Yeah. Right, right. So they walked through this dark-ass school with no lights on and just flashlights looking for this little girl. And ultimately the teacher finds her in this closet where she has scratched to the remaining numbers.

Remember, she wasn't quite done with her code. She scratched the remaining numbers into the door with her fingers. Ooh, it's like paint digits. So the teacher took the paper off her, didn't take the pen off her. Wouldn't she just use the pen to write the eight digits on the desk, people are like, okay, that's done now. But she waited the entire day to find somewhere she could scratch it on a doll. Ludicrous decision-making, listen, to have a just think, think from all day. She was like nine, eight, five, three, seven, two, three. Yeah, right. She's slightly forgotten. Oh, is that She's like, I forgot it.

Oh, is that a fool? I'm gonna scratch this with blood into something in the basement later. You're right on my hand now. Fuck, don't talk to me. Nine eight seven. Yep. All right.

So, but then we get the credits proper as we pan over earth. I love the, the, the movie's always this is like, we're not going to recognize that planet if they don't show us the US first, right? Yeah, it could be anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. And as we're planning as well, we don't actually pan and slowly and like zoom in, we just kind of cut in by a couple of all a couple of levels of magnification, but not actually that much magnification, so we don't really get much closer with each cut. And it just feels a bit like they were waiting for the software to load the closer image each time like it's a really slow software. Oh, come on, man. I just

want to zoom in and see my house. It's a, I was going to see what my house looks like from space. I don't want to wait 20 minutes for each of these frames to load. So yeah, this is where the most depressing aspect of the movie comes up. This was Alex Proyus. That's the, that's the director that did the crow and dark city and this pretty much just ended his career this movie here So yeah, but eventually we zoom all the way in on Nick Cage looking through his backyard telescope because he's an astrophysicist You know obviously Sorry just saying that out Okay, not just any astrophys, is it? MIT. MIT fucking team.

MIT. Yeah. And his kid comes and he's like, hey, Dad, has anyone found life on alien planets? And I'm like, why don't you just have a mask if there's going to be aliens in this movie? Right. And what his kid comes into is, is this a midnight barbecue?

So it sure looks like one, yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a dish. He's cooking sausages. Is this this a midnight barbecue? So it sure looks like one. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely. He's cooking sausages. It's that traditional midnight barbecue. Yep. Yeah. Cause no, it's pitch fucking dark out. Well, they're in Boston and it's supposed to be October. So it gets dark pretty early there. But yeah. Yeah. And Mars, you're being very generous. These are not sausages. These are shitty hot dogs. That's true. That is true. Well, that's because this is a classic hot dog time. Why can't you leave the poles in that sentence? You take an entire swing of wine and swallows

between words of a sentence. A little evil decision. Cage was definitely improvising. He was like, this is hot dog. I got this. I have a wine time. Yes. So, yes. But we learned that first of all, we learned that his kid doesn't want his fucking hot dogs because he's a vegetarian now. That will never matter. And also, we learned that tomorrow is the day when they're going to open that time capsule from the exposition, right? And then we also very quickly learn that the kid is mad that dad doesn't give his dad mom an imaginary afterlife because of his atheism. Yep. Dad mom, check.

Agnostic dad, check. I told you this was perfect. Oh, dad's barely got started. Yeah, dad's drinking constantly because of his atheism. Yeah, no, uh huh. All right. So then we cut to MIT where Nick Cage is apparently a, yeah, right. Incredible.

Teaching other and the discussion that they have them do in this MIT astrophysics classes so fucking silly. They're like, hey, would anyone like to define terms that Noah first learned in the seventh grade? Yeah. This class is very much welcome to everything the script writers knew about physics 101. That's what this class is very much welcome to everything the script writers knew about physics 101. That's what this class is. Like there is the board behind him, you know, they've seen differentiation online. They've seen the dy dx kind of equations stuff. So they've got that on

the on the back wall, but they spell integrate wrong. It's it's i n t e r g r a t. So that makes me worry about the physical physics expertise. Also, he's a professor of astrophysics, assigning a term paper, like an essay, like a philosophy essay to an astrophysics class about determinism versus randomness. That's what he's doing. Yeah. Right. And, and, and in so doing, he's he's gonna just he's going to toss a little model of the sun to one of his students and say Tell me some factoids about the sun. This is what they do in college, right those fancy colleges name Sun stuff He and and he fucking Nick Cage's character refers to the sun as a celestial ball of fire That is the first thing he says

about astrophysics and it's wrong, right? So I just, well, he clearly just, he announced it to be in the movie. I'm going to teach astrophysics slam poetry style. You guys do that. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what he does. Everybody get up on the desk. Quick. Come on. Fire. So less. It's so stupid. I like he damn near starts because this is obviously they're trying to sneak the fine tuning argument into this to the beginning of this movie. Like to the point where I was afraid he was going to start talking about a tornado in a junk yard, right? But but of course, he says like he tells the kids that he thinks that everything is random and nothing matters and then he just stares into the middle distance.

Yeah, and how is this a physics lesson? He's just saying that. You know how to go, determinism, oh, you've got randomness and nihilism. Anyway, kids physics. See you next week. Right. Yeah. Right.

One of the students is like, what are your religious beliefs, Nick Cage? Jesus, I'm a depressed atheist, clastis, miss. And so all the kids are filing out. This is where Phil comes in. Phil is going to be the best friend character. He basically comes in and says, hey, man, I'm the best friend character. Should we be walking outdoors with coffee in the next scene and Nick Cage is like, sure, yeah, he plays the same role as Truman's best friend in the Truman show. He just comes in to move the scene along a little bit. Yeah, right. Right.

Yeah, so they're walking along. The Phil is trying to tell him to get back on that horse and start dating. He's like, man, come on. It's about time for you to get a love interest in this movie. No, but this is how badly this film is written because Nick Cage is saying, well, I can't go out and date because I've got a son and Phil's like, oh, yeah, because that time you're going to go on a date and your son had a call. This other time you went on a date and your son fell over or something. You're too busy caring for your son to get laid.

But then the very next thing is Nicholas Kyrger completely forgot about the really important event in the world. So which is it? Is he too caring for his son or is he the neglectful dad who's too into his work and drinking It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story.

It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story.

It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. It's a big part of the story. trope to do it with. Even what they decide to just make zero sense all because we established that the class he was just giving was Monday morning because Phil came in and said, that's

a bit heavy for Monday morning. So this event, this ceremony is happening on Monday morning. Nicholas Cage presumably drove his son to school for the ceremony, dropped him off, drove to work, and then forgot about the reason he dropped his school. So okay. So we cut to the 50th anniversary of the school, the ceremony where they're going to get that tube back out of the ground. We have the teacher that was in the opening scene, but she's real super old now, because it's 50 years later. And so and then we watched the kids fucking over-aud by that whole metal tube comes out of whole thing we were talking about earlier. Yeah. Everybody claps. Everybody goes like to eat like the old people at a movie theater being like

whoever made the movie proudly isn't here but woo. Yeah. Everybody there is clapping but the music cue is incredibly sinister like what if the 1950s gets out and escape? but the music queue is incredibly sinister like, what if the 1950s gets out and escape? Like it's the thing. But all of these kids are super excited because each one of them is gonna get their own. Apparently the number of students in this school has not changed a lick in the last 50 years.

They've had to keep it in exactly the same amount because each kid is gonna get their own picture of the future from a kid that was there 50 years ago and they each get to open their own envelope. And this almost starts a riot. All the kids are like, paper from 1959. Fuck, give me right now. Murder each other. Oh, yeah, no, it's like a fucking British football match.

Yeah. So it's almost I'm almost too young for that joke, but, but yeah, but so of course Caleb, the Nick Cageer son gets his picture, but he's also hearing demon voices through his hearing aid as this is like whisper monsters. Yeah, it's not totally clear. That's what happens because you seem to get him like get a bit of feedback as he goes near the old lady. And I just thought it was like she's wearing a hearing aid and there's some sort of cross-stream thing going on.

Oh, right. Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, just change to a different channel. It'll be okay. What really wasn't clear that was happening? Yeah. No, these notes are written with the benefit of hindsight, I guess. Yeah.

But yeah, he's hearing the whispering and then he looks out into the distance and there's like a creepy demon guy who's clearly doing the whispering just standing there at the edge of the woods. They're back at him. So yeah, just be clear. This creepy demon guy or what are the whisper guy just showed up entirely to stare at Caleb for like two seconds. Yeah, leave. And then disappear into the woods. Yeah. Okay, two nailed it. Yeah, I'll see you later. It's like, it's a good thing he went to one of those

very heavily forested parts of Boston to go to school. Because otherwise, this guy needs woods to disappear and every time he appears, it would be really awkward for him if he had been in Brooklyn, right? Yeah, oh, you just seem like running across the colonels.

Like, oh my God, the kids look back too quickly. Ah, damage. I can't even disappear. Right. Does anybody have a bus schedule? Because if I could disappear behind a bus, you're just duking down behind a college wheel. He's trying to get Caleb's attention. Caleb won't pay attention to me.

He's like, no, I'm doing it. Hey, Caleb and just like sirens are going past. Ah, okay. Caleb, Caleb menace. Bye. Yeah. Now, of course, Caleb, when he, it's his turn to get an envelope, of course, he gets Lucinda's page of insanity numbers. Why would they put that in? Right. You could choose not to put that in. It's a drawing. The kids are drawing things of the future. She's written down a load of really random, just throw that

away. It's fun. No one's going to care. Well, no, there has to be one for each kid. They've, they've, they've, they've, they've, right. Yeah. Yeah. You should exact one with kids. 1959 is the same. That is true. Well, I love that one kid comes up and he's just like, he sees Caleb's numbers and it's like Charlie Brown getting a rock for Halloween or whatever. He's like, ah, you got numbers because you suck because you suck because it's like numbers boring, but to be fair, a badly drawn 50 year old

picture of a rocket is also pretty boring. So there wasn't a high threshold to aim for. So okay. So that night, Nate Cage is doing the dishes. Caleb has taken out his hearing aid because it's filled with demon whispers. And this is also where also where like we have to learn like this makes no fucking sense to the plot, but the kid is like, Hey, dad, can I go do a sleepover at my friend's house? And it's like, yeah, sure, he's like, they're going to go on a boat. And he's like, Oh, I don't know about boats that never comes back. No. And we all thought at this point that is my drown, right? Yes.

Oh, no, you can't go near the water because it will happen, but she didn't drown. No, it's just like Nicholas Cage being a slightly overprotective dad, I guess. And I don't know about that. Maybe next time, right? It doesn't come back. Amazing. She died by the opposite of drowning. Yeah.

If anything, he should be encouraging the kid onto the boat. Right. I didn't know fire. Go on the boat. You won't burn to death that water. It's the opposite of fire. Is that better? Good. So yeah. a fire go on the boat you won't bump to death that water is the opposite of fire is that better good. So yeah, but of course as they're doing that Caleb is trying to decode that

number page and Nick Cage is like you're supposed to leave that with the school that belongs to the school and I'm like I think they they can do without this crazy lady number page man. I don't think any like the no, nobody's cataloging that. They're going to throw it away, but it also suggests that Nick just cage sold a page full of crazy numbers early. I was like, Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, you got, yeah, right. You got the one with the numbers on it. I did that when I was eight. Yeah. And now at 55. Yeah, no, because I'm on astrophysic. So that's what we do. So okay, so the kid goes to bed.

Nick Cage goes downstairs to drink himself into oblivion or, right? But this is one of the places where they get pouring whiskey. Because he put, first of all, he pours basically half a pint of whiskey, which is not else. You drink whiskey. He takes a single sip of it and then tops it back up. This is not how heavy it's not about how much you put in the glass. It's about how much from the glass goes into you typically when it comes to heavy drinking. Oh, he's got a reason. He's filled

that glass really high. Yeah. Oh, it's going well. It works big goal of, yeah, right? He grabs a bendy stride, hoax him in the eye like everything's going wrong here. And I thought, yeah, maybe he doesn't really like the taste, but he just really enjoys pouring. He finds it quite therapeutic, but we find out he doesn't even really do pouring well because we cut away for a second. And he's just overfilled the witty glass until his completely overflowing out of his glass. Is that a thing that happens where you start pouring shit and you look away from the thing

you're pouring? Who the fuck does that? I guess Eli probably does that. Only Nickles cage in real life. They kept the take. Okay, no that's I don't think that nick-kage is allowed large containers of liquids because he will do that to whatever receptacle is nearby. What movie was it that we watched where he was drinking like skittles or something that this is starting to all make sense yeah. So I wanted him to like lean down to the coffee table and slurp the top of

the whiskey or whatever. I put into that. That's real. That is how. Yeah. No. Okay. So yeah, you don't whisk it. Right. But he goes into the to the kitchen to clean up from over pouring his whiskey. And that's where he notices something interesting about those numbers on the number page. It's so stupid. He puts the whiskey down and it's still a little bit wet on the bottom of the glass. And that ring, because he puts it down on the paper with the code. That ring circles some of the numbers. Yeah. And so he looks at that and he's like, all right, you know what?

I'm going to, I'm going to figure out this code. I'm going to start with this part. It says 911-01296. But that's not even the first part that he circled with the whiskey ring. No. And he didn't even circle the nine at the front of that. I thought he noticed his nine, eleven. I thought he's a hang on this, this circle that I've run the put down whiskey is, is, has pointed to nine, eleven. Okay. Well, that's got to mean something. He should, he should have noticed that, but he just noticed the numbers. He writes them down and he's like, what is 9-1-1? Oh, one. And then another number. What is it? 91 slash 10 slash. Yeah.

Yeah. It does. It's clearly 9-11. What are you doing? Oh my God. And also, right. So it turns out it's, it's the date and the number of people who died at 9-11. And, and the course of movies are like, wow, what are the odds? And I'm like, what are the odds that on an entire piece of paper covered in numbers? Some significant series of seven digits would show up when there was no preordained pattern for them to follow. That's absolutely guaranteed. You're your phone number for when you were a kid

is gonna be on there somewhere, probably whatever. It says to be or not to be here. Right. Yeah. Come on. Yeah, but of course it's a fucking movie. So he immediately starts ripping things off of his walls and, you know, swiping tables, cleaning and shit so that he can figure this shit out.

It escalates very quickly from him being like, I wonder what these numbers are. 9-11. This is definitely a quickly from him being like, I wonder what these numbers are. 9-11. This is definitely a prophecy from 1959 with a demon or something. I'm figuring this out. He's tearing stuff off walls. And he's writing all these numbers on a whiteboard. He has a computer.

He does. He is going to use the computer to look at what this is in the whiteboard. It's incredible. It's absolutely incredible. Okay. He finally figures out, maybe it's oh. It's absolutely incredible. Okay, he finally figures out maybe it's oh, nine slash one, one slash oh, one. And then he Googles what is 9, 11?

Well, so the remaining numbers, the next four are the number of people who died at 9, 11, it's like 29, 60 or whatever. And so he's got to Google that and figure that number out. But then it's like, well, if you didn't realize that, why did you pick specifically that number of digits even? Why did you just pick seven digits if you didn't see anything there?

But what he's finding out is as he looks at these numbers, he realizes that all of the big disasters are in there along with the like the date that they happened and the number of people who died at that. And this again, there's so much of this that does not make any sense and could not possibly make sense. So you've got the date, you've got the number of dead people, you've got then a string

of numbers, he can't identify what they are. So how do you know where to stop that pit to move on to the next date? That could go on a lot longer. But also we see him go through this montage of more and more different dead like math death events where he's starting from the start of the numbers and he manages to get through like you know 15, 20, however many just going through all of them. So after you've done the first 10 mate, find today's date. We know we don't need to know what happened in the 80s and 90s. You've got the pattern. You're a fucking scientist. You don't have to do every one of these numbers.

Go through every single god. It doesn't get to the end. It's later in the film. He gets to the end of the string of numbers. Fine today. Fine. Fine. Last week and move forward from that. Okay. If one of those was wrong in that 50, you'd be like, oh no, it's nothing. Oh, never mind. Never mind. Okay. The first 47 almost had me convinced, but yeah, this one's out by one death.

Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. Scrub the white balls. Scrub the paper. That's why it was out of white. We're not a computer. Also, how do you think this code decided on like what counts as a big enough mass death event to be in

the code? Yeah, no, we start going through some specific ones later and that question really burns into your brain. Do you think it's like, do you have to die at the spot at the time? Or can it be like, if you died months and months later of your injuries, would that get added a later date? Right. Is that what like one later?

Right. Like, what about the first responders that died of the like 9, 11 long or whatever are they on that? Probably not. God, that would be rough if they were on that list. Just a series of ones like four years later or something. Oh, Jesus, man. Lucinda just walks back in and scratches a couple of numbers. Yeah, it's adding. Yeah. So I know that that really comes up in the next scene right because he goes to talk to his buddy Phil

To show him the the discovery And he's like look the hotel fire my wife died in was on the list and that's like 46 people 48 people are died in that site fault is this every single time any group of more than 40 people have died over The 50 years because that's got to be a much bigger list and. And I'm guessing we're later find out that a lot of those extra numbers are coordinates. I'm guessing most of those are coordinates are in the Northern hemisphere. I bet there's not a lot of developing world coordinates on there for this list. I'm just saying the aliens are racists. Lucinda doesn't care about black people. That's what I'm saying.

I think you're right. I think you're right. Paul doesn't even make an idea. I love the exchange here. He's like, hey man, maybe somebody's doing I don't know like a mentalism magic trick on you or something like that and then cage also an Astrophysics professor is like, there was a sealed envelope. It's not a mentalism magic trick. There was a sealed Yes, from the time capsule. That's real. Touch the deck after I shut all the never many. Yeah, it's even worse than that. Cause what he says is, you know, like, it couldn't be a trick. I saw them dig it up. It's like, follow that through Nicholas Kitch. I saw them dig it up. And then they handed that seal down to my kid who then ran away and opened it by himself on a park bench while I was talking to somebody else

looking at him. They couldn't possibly have been tempted with chain of custody like fucking LAPD over there. Right. Yeah. But this had been buried underneath a manhole cover for 50 years and manhole covers are impossible for anybody to ever. Are you panicked, Robo? Yes. Yeah, but Phil doesn't believe him. So he's like, I'm taking my inciting incident and going home. Or actually, no, he instead of going home, he goes to the apartment of the old teacher lady that was at the original time capsule burial to ask her about this long string of numbers, right?

Yeah. And the asker, oh, do you remember Lucinda? And I really wanted her to, this sweet old lady to break out some like offensively and necronomistic terms, what they thought was wrong with Lucinda at the time. Oh, yeah, I remember. I remember Lucinda. She was cook, hoop and anna's don't you know?

Just making nuts. The doctors were completely sure she was suffering from a wandering womb. So, yeah, but he goes to Granny's house and he's like, hey, you know, do you have the next bought points for me? And she's like, you know, the odds against me having it are overwhelming, but in fact, I do. I remember that day exactly.

I just saw it in the exposition. Yeah. And he's like, is this the code that Lucinda was writing? Like, it's just a fuckload of numbers. What you expected to say? Oh, that's it. No, wait, wait, that's not it. I think that right there was a one.

Right. So this is someone else's crazy stuff. Right. But of course, unfortunately, Lucinda is dead. So she, that's a, that's a dead end for me. Can't go talk to her. Right. Instead though, he calls, he wants to talk to the janitors that pulled the time capsule out to see if one of them is a birthday magician or something. And while he's doing that creepy whisper

guy from the forest earlier shows up in front of his house in a black sedan and starts talking to his kid. Right. Or whisper thinking to his kid. Whisper thinking and then he's like, here, have this small black rock. Yeah. Okay, bye. And that's the whole thing. Here's this lovely pebble that I found. See you later. Yeah, right, yeah.

So it. This is where we introduced the special black rocks that this movie is pretty sure are fucking creepy. Yeah, this, this movie is pretty, is, is pretty much hoping will play out without them doing anything. And then the rocks are going to do some stuff, right? People that. I like, I like to think of the script writers watching along with us, hoping that the

right, right, then any minute now the rocks are going to do something. So cool. So yeah, so Nick Cage is, he runs the people off, but he doesn't catch them. They drive off too quickly. Is this also where the kid says to Nick Cage, dad, why are you acting so awkwardly? It's like, mate, this is Nicholas. Yeah, right. Another question you get to ask him. Only mode. He's got this is also where we speed introduce his sister, Grace, who comes in and says, hi, Nicholas Cage.

I'm your sister. You don't talk to our pastor, dad anymore. That's for sure. Yeah. I'm your sister. I'm here to help my agnostic brother. And my name is Grace. Grace is going to try and be the savior of this agnostic brother.

Grace is going to be the savior. Dial up that gam fodder dial a little bit more. But yeah, no, but their dad is a pastor in Nick hates God and religion. It's even says like she's like, Oh, what's your problem? I'll pray for you. I'll help with my prayers. If I can. And he's like, you can't because it's fucking stupid. Yeah, it's so good. I'll say a prayer for you. And he's like, please don't do. So yeah, I hear that Nick. Absolutely.

I'm on your page there. Right. All right. So that night Nick is drinking himself into oblivion once more because of the atheist nihilism. And he's watching the news hoping for 81 dead people, right? Because the code says that 81 people are gonna die in its disaster that day. So it turns midnight and he's like,

all right, switch the news on and see how good this list is, right? Okay, this was actually funny. So like, there was an oil rig fire on the news at this point and then got like, the guy, the news guy builds it up and then he's like, yeah, so it was a burst out in a big fire, but everybody got a vacuum. And you watch Kate be like, ah, so it's a burst out in a big fire, but everybody got a vacuum.

You watch Kate be like, ah damn, scratch us. I really, I really thought that was going to confirm my theory. No, it doesn't. I wanted the news to keep pump baking like that for a while, but no, they just do the one time that. Yeah, I want to be another, another disaster. And like, and so far, the death toll is a team. Oh, that's below the 48 threshold.

That's not gonna be on my piece of paper. 82, wait, wait, wait, we're getting it. No, yeah, 82 was 82. Yeah. So yeah, but he falsely doing that apparently doesn't wake up until three in the afternoon when his son is free in the afternoon. Yeah.

Okay, like you guys are being judgey about that. One in same detail to include in your movie as far as we were, he got drunk and so he slept for 15 hours. Well, I think you just watch super judgey right now. Well, the key though is that he's late to pick up Caleb. So he has to drive out in a hurry, but dammit if there isn't traffic, right? So he realizes that there's some kind of disaster going on in front of him. And he's like, I wonder if 81 people, no, okay, I'm like, and that's when he notices on his GPS, the latitude

and longitude. And he realizes that that the fucking numbers that are between the disasters are the coordinates of where the disasters happen. And he's an astrophysicist and he never thought to check if the numbers he couldn't identify with the latitude and longitude of the disasters he already looked up. Never considered coordinates might be what those are. Apparently also all tragedies happen on exactly coordinates to the hundredth of a degree. So like that's within a square kilometer. Yeah, a point within a kilometer. Absolutely.

Yeah. Yes. Seems like earthquakes would need a bunch of coordinates. You know, big floods. You would need a whole bunch of extra coordinates. Right. Yeah, because like the tsunami was in there, was on the list. 9-11 was on the list and it happened in several different places.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. exactly. Right. So, but it gets even dumber because then it should he notices that this new disaster with the 81 deaths is right where he is. So excited for you guys to watch this. And for no fucking right when he is there because we only have narrowed it down to a date. We don't know which date, like what time zone is it local time or is it Greenwich being? We don't know. It's kind of a dick move that Lucinda didn't write down the time of day. Like if you know the prophecy of death, you know, when better coordinates down to the

thousandth, maybe also if you can, and time of day would be great. Really hour even the hour would be a great help. Because he stayed up watching TV for 15 hours. Right. Yeah, he said he said about about four p.m. He'd be like, oh, that's fun. I can get a normal sleep. Yeah, right. Yeah, but so Nick goes up to the disaster at the front.

He's like, hey, man, did anyone people die here? And he's like, no, nobody nobody died. And he's like, damn. And the cops like what? Just doing a math there. He's like, no, nobody, nobody died and he's like, damn. And the cops like, what? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this stupid piece of shit. It's so good. He gets hit by a CGI plan. Amazing. So Nick runs towards the disaster because he's the protagonist and just there's one flaming person after another, you know. Yeah.

Okay. One great moment here. I laughed a lot. He's like, hey, guy on fire. Excuse me, sir. Yeah. Fire. I used to explain to me how many people were on the plate and they got, all right. He's in, and he's on fire now. And he's like, this guy is so fucking rude. It's like, I can't even get his attention. And you can see Cage going through this terrible tragic thing

counting people being like, okay, eating people. Right, because he's not helping anybody. Like, like, like, like, normally in a movie, they would like give him some people to put out, but everybody's just dead or there's one lady yelling help me, but she's just standing there. There's nothing wrong with her. And he's just like, if I save a life, go walk that way. I might fuck it up. Right. Yeah. Fuck them. I gotta get 80 wrong exactly. I lost my numbers thing is wrong. I can't be the only one who could not stop laughing when

a half dozen of people completely fine, walked out the wreckage of the crash plane, sort of run away from it. And then that wreckage exploded and killed them all in one go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And cage is like, Oh, nice. I thought they were going to, that was good. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. That counts. That's like a split. And also we should be clear like again, we, we, he's an astrophysicist in this movie. He's not a first respect. He doesn't know first aid clearly or anything like that. So he's just sightseeing. He's just doing the count, right? Yeah, I think I think this genuinely is the stupidest scene I've ever seen in any movie so far and I think it gets topped later. Yeah sure does. All right, well I'll tell you what now this movie is earned the title of disaster film in both senses of that term. So we've earned ourselves a break, but we'll be back in a minute with even more knowing. Hey, no, what you doing? Oh, you know, with Eli gone, I've got to write a bunch of the ads this week, and I've got to say I top all the other stuff I'm dealing with.

I'm starting to feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends. Yeah, totally get it, no, totally get it. Sometimes life can be overwhelming, and many people are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can include lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, detachment, fatigue, and more. Oh yeah, no, I definitely have all of those symptoms, especially the more. Sure. Well, you know, therapy can help a lot when you're feeling burned out.

Huh. So I thought therapy was like for crazy people in trophy wives. Nope. Nope. Anybody can benefit from having a professional to talk to about the stresses in their lives. And that is why there's better help. What's better help? Better help is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to.

It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you could be matched with the therapist in under 48 hours. Huh, is that all? That's not all actually. I didn't think it would be. No, there is more. God off a movie's listeners, get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. Is that all? That's not all actually. I didn't think it would be. No, there is more. God awful movies listeners. Get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash awful.

That's better H-E-L-P.com slash awful. Awesome. But do you think BetterHelp can help me write these ads? Probably not. But have you tried putting an ellipsis between the word watts and the name of the product or service like watts? Better help. Huh, you know that that actually does the trick that nails it. I guess I guess this is easier than Eli makes it look. Most things are true.

Hey, you want to see me got? Hey Gabriel, come on in, have a seat. Alright, so what up big guy? Okay, you remember a couple of weeks ago when we talked about that project you were handling with those 30 Christian people in Oklahoma? Oh yeah, the Mayflower too, people. That's the episode, yeah. And you gave them a spaceship to spread the gospel, your broadband, slavery. Right.

It was a lot. It was just, do you remember what I said about that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said keep it simple. Exactly. How did that go, by the way? Oh, they all died like right away. Did you know there are enough food?

Yeah, so exactly. I'm reading the report about your new project. It says here that you had a little girl right down a prophecy code in 1959 and then put that code into time capsule and then last week a really bad physics professor got the code and while he's figuring it out very badly, you had a team of creepy guys, whisper a stalk his eight year old son.

Yeah, that's all correct. I'm kind of building a moment, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It feels like a real bad moment. Sure, yeah, I can see that. But what I really want to talk about is this code that you made. How does it work? Oh yeah, this is cool.

It's a string of numbers that represents all the mass death events in the world from 1959 until now. How many deaths is a mass death event? I did a cutoff at 47. That seems arbitrary. Moving past it. Why did you make a prophecy code of mass death events? Oh, it's to prove that your will, the will of God, determines every event.

I couldn't you have just done a list of, I don't know, like world cup winners, you know, with the score of each game. I feel like it's more impactful with the mass death. Well, oh, so, oh, all right, so just to be clear, you carried out a big list of mass death for the last 50 years, just so it wouldn't fit the code. I did. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. No, I just heard it. I just heard it. You see there it is. Yeah. Sorry, yeah. I got it. I'll streamline the rest.

Keep it simple. Great. Hey Gabriel, you're a space ship here. Oh, great. All right. I got to take off, God. I'll let you know how it goes. Bye.

Save your seats. He's gone. Space fuel is crazy expensive. Thanks Biden. Right. Right. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Nick Cage getting home that night. I guess graces with his kids and the news is on. They're talking about the plane crash.

But there's more than what there were. This movie keeps always just adding one more dumb fucking four different planes crashed that day for a total of 81 dead. Now, I thought it was full, full crashed, but only one of them had any fatalities. And that was the one when Nicholas Cage was. I, I, I have no idea. I like how they got to that number, but yeah, not clear at all. Right. Either way, the code is real. He asks, aren't Grace, he's like, did you tell Caleb that I figured out a magical death prophecy?

Because you probably shouldn't. She's like, no, I didn't tell what, what are you talking about? No, I didn't tell your child you have a magical death prophecy. Well, it's, it's even dumber than that, right? Because he hasn't told Grace about the death prophecy thing that he's got. He's saying you didn't tell him about the plane that crashed. Did you? Now keep in mind when this kid called Nick said, I'll be there in 10 minutes. So he lives within 10 minutes of the school in Boston, fucking traffic, right? So this is like three

miles. This plane crashed between his house and his school and you're not gonna tell him about it. Yeah, this came rich, not Boston, it's not quite a thing. But also when he walks in, Grace and the kid are watching the news about the crash. Well, the kid's not, the kid is upstairs. Yeah, he's not allowed to apparently know about disaster-y stuff.

I see, I see, okay, I'll let them off on that particular. The story holds up. The plot works. Yeah, no, right. Yeah, no, it makes perfect. Nick Cage could be an astrophysic. 81 people died. It was in the code.

The girl from 1959 was right. That's the point. Yeah. First estimate to put the data 81. Yeah. Whoever did that estimate. Nailed it. Fucking nailed it.

Great work. Right. So, but Caleb is sick and tired of being shut out of the plot. Damn it. But he'll go to bed because he's a kid in a movie. So he needs to get the fuck out of here for a minute. And then Phil pulls up, right? Phil, the friend, astrophysicist, and he's like, you were right. 81 people did die today because of your magical death prophecy. Yeah. And this, Phil is totally on board now. This other astrophysics professor on board now. This other astrophysics professor

on board now. He's like, all right, let's do some death prophecy, Matt. And Kate Cage, actually, this was a moment of good acting or something. He's like, I keep seeing their faces burning. And feels like, oh, yeah. Okay, this just happened. You were right. Yeah, you did just walk through 81 people dying of and it just, yeah, exactly. We'll give it a minute. We'll give it a minute. We'll give it a minute. But the code we learn here has two disasters left in the future on the bottom of the

page. There's a great thing a cage says here as well because he says, you know, I keep thinking it must have been something to do with me because I drove past at exactly the right moment for that crash. No, you didn't. You were stuck in traffic. You were there eight. You didn't drive right. I know you're in shock, but come on. And it wasn't exactly there. Yeah, you were just

within view of it. Yeah. And we know he's currently in shock right now. And we know that because he's drinking co-piece amounts of whiskey, but this time from the bottle and not from a half pint glasses. Oh, you're right. This is him in shock. Cut out the middle man. Yeah. So yeah, but he explains to Phil that they can stop the last two disasters, but Phil's like, you know, my scientific mind, he, that's the term he uses is telling me not to have anything more to do with this. Because again, science is hate proof that the entire nature of the universe needs to be updated. It's like, you know, other way, you know, they might get remembered like fucking Newton

or Einstein or something and that would be embarrassing. Yeah, he's like, my scientific mind tells me not to have anything to do with this experiment that would test your hypothesis. Yes. So, okay. So that night Caleb has a creepy, creepy dream. He dreams that he wakes up to creepy music and demon voices and He sees creepy guy and out by the woods, but then suddenly creepy guy is in his room now

Yeah, which must mean he's got a really great level because you're gonna go through that amount of that Very smooth. Yeah, Caleb look look. it looks kind of like a shark, right? Yes. So yes, we walked into the room and like everything lights up orange behind him, looks like something out of fucking metropolis or something. The kid walks out to the window and he looks out and there's the whole world is on fire out there, which would be a pretty impactful scene if we didn't then see fire moose. The fire moose is so good. It's so weird that every time anybody is on fire or will later be squished by a thing in this film, it tries to make it shocking and it just comes off as hilariously comic. Somehow, I don't know if fire could be slapstick, but they

pull it off. They absolutely put it up. Well, what happens is when you want to just show like a disaster that kills 81 people, but remain PG 13, this is what you get. Yeah. Yeah. So you, he, he, he sees fire moves and then you're just like, okay, well, now you've made it silly. And then all kinds of other like fire, fucking hawk flies by all these animals are on fire. And it's like, okay, well, now it's the fucking beginning of lion king. Where are they going? It's all flaming cage. She just runs out there and he's like,

excuse me, moose on fire. Fire hawk, fire hawk. They're all leaving this whole thing is like if the fire in Bambi hood one. That's what they say. Oh, yeah. Okay. Right. So yeah, so so Caleb wakes up and he screams for dad. Dad runs up there and sees creepy edge of the wood guy near the edge of the wood where where you would see creepy edge of the woods

guy. And he runs out there. He's like, he's like, he's natural habitat. Yeah. So Nick runs out there and he screams, Hey, but the guy doesn't stop despite having, like, he's like, he's natural habitat. So Nick runs out there and he screams hey, but the guy doesn't stop despite having, hey, he screamed at him. Fucking asshole. This guy has a weird day. He just goes and finds the edge and he does like a two-seag, or maybe he has to wait for a while. I feel like he has to wait to get noticed. Probably he hasn't yelled at them. He's got to wait until the kids done with his nightmare and everything, yeah. You see him just unwrapping a power bar.

Well, but he can't do that. Yeah, right. He can't play candy crusher. And if he's got to be looking creepily at them whenever they happen to look at it, he'll go over and he's just got candy crushers taking a shit or whatever. It's all airpods.

He's just listening to audiobooks. Oh, there you go. Okay. So, okay. So the next day, Nick Cage, this is so fucking stupid. Nick Cage takes his son along for a bit of murder page mystery investigation. I guess they've closed school today because an airplane damn near crashed into it, right? Yeah. school today because an airplane damn near crashed into it. Right.

Yeah. And do you know how this as far as I can tell how he gets to this next bit of the plot is that Lucinda, the dead Lucinda had the same name as a street that was in their town. So he drives to that street in order to find a person who looks a bit like Lucinda did in the picture of her that he saw on the paper, but like a bit less moot and dirt because she, this one isn't so crazy. So he decides to follow this person who looks like a slightly cleaner version of the person who died in the 80s.

I guess that's how we get to this plop it. I'm so important plop it. I assumed that he had Lucinda's address somehow, but yeah, they don't put that in your obituary. They don't put your street address in there, generally. Yeah. She put the coordinates of her eventual daughter grand daughter's house. Oh, there you go. Maybe. Yeah. Well, that would narrow it down to an exact

house. Sure. So yeah. And so they just follow this, this mother and daughter, I wanted so bad for them to be going on vacation. Right. They're just to Vermont or whatever. They're like, you know, this is probably more than more trouble than it's worth. But no, they're going to the museum. So he goes with his son to the to the museum. And basically he's like, Hey Caleb, you go flirt with the daughter. I'll flirt with the mom. We'll see who has more luck, right? That's exactly it.

It's rough. It's rough. He goes over to mom and he's like, hmm, hello, is that your daughter? That's a really bad start. Don't say that. What is that your daughter? That's a really bad start. Do it. Say that. What is really bad? Well, the daughter says to Caleb, she's like, did you know that all wolves are born deaf?

And I'm like stealing pickup lines from Heath. That's rude. Um, fun fact also blind. They're all born blind and deaf. That's a fun fact. There's a really great exchange between Nick's cage and the mother as well. Cause she's always, you know, the mother's like, oh, yes, my daughter's probably telling him about animals.

My daughter loves animals. And Nicklas Cage responds by saying, yeah, my son loves extinct animals too. That's not the same thing. No, yeah, my son is exactly the same. He loves dead animals. That's not what we said. That's not what we said.

So hold on, yeah, right. And of course, then they look over and Caleb is teaching her to say stuff and sign language because he's, he knows sign language because he's hearing impaired. And so now they're all teamed up. The mother and the Nick Cage and the daughter and the son, they're all, they've all teamed up and they're going to go to the museum cafe together for a fucking milkshake or something. How is any of this?

I don't understand. He's just, hello, is that your daughter sign language or stinked animals? We're on a team together for a mission like seconds later. Yep. That's all the care of the fucking writers took with it basically. Yeah. So they go to this and I'm just going to go ahead and just guess incredibly overpriced museum cafe and they're having a chat and suddenly Nick is like, okay, you know what?

I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go full plot with you here. Was your mom psychic numerically speaking? Okay, but the segue is insane. She explains that she had an abuse of husband, which is also, and it's just out of nowhere, they just met, she's telling this really sad story. And he's like, oh, abusive husband, is your mother a magical witch? Speaking of which, yeah, yeah. And she's like, do what?

What none of this makes sense in our lives. And he's like, well, here's my MIT badge. I'm. Yes. That he gets out like he's in the fucking FBI. Right. Right. Because KMIT.

You're under arrest. Under space arrest. Right. Because KMIT you're under arrest under space arrest. Your mom is a way. I'm a scientist from MIT. I did math and she predicted all the medium and higher mass death since 1959. So yeah, right. He's in the yeah, he goes. So she's like, let me get my daughter and fuck off, which is the correct response. And he goes all the way Nick Cage on her. And I'm like, that's not going to help.

No. He chases her out to the goddamn parking lot yelling that, you know, 73 people are going to die in a disaster tomorrow because of your mom's prediction or something. Yeah. That'll matter. And she's like, yeah, cool. Have fun with that. Bye. And leaves, which was the only reasonable thing she did in this whole scene.

One of my favorite things watching, watching a Nick Cage movie ever, really is watching the other actors during Nick Cage's insane, insane, insane, yeah. Yeah. It seems like he's finished saying something a lot and they seem to seem start to say a line

maybe in that. Oh, no. Okay. He's doing this pump thing where he's he's doing slam poetry astrophysics. I should have seen that coming. He paused between hot dog and time again. Didn't he? Yep.

Do you think he's on like a zoom delay? You know, because there's a whole thing. People recording remotely and you get that full star. Oh, sorry. I started in a talk. You go. You go. They're just doing that with Nicholas Cage all the time. If Nick Cage is buffering, that's a lot of sense. In real life, he's always buffering.

Yeah, Nick, Nick, Nick, just, um, just leave and then dial in. And we'll just get your all deal clean. It is. It's fine. Unplug yourself for 10 seconds, buddy. Plug yourself back in. Bar. So then we, okay. So we get him, this is so amazing. We

get him at his house that night checking out his new gun, which I shit you not will never be fired in the film. No, and he's reading the instructions to his new gun, which I thought is weird because I thought Americans were all born with a night knowledge of how to operate fire on some of them. Just in you in the same way that turtles know how to like make their way towards the sea. Right. Just the picture of public is coming out of the water, finding guns on the shore like crabs. Yeah. That's a what a terrifying statement of America that this is that is that like it is a entirely

realistic plot point that later in the day that he chased a woman out into a parking lot screaming about mass deaths that were on the horizon, he was able to go by a hand. Yeah, absolutely. God. So, okay. So, he's reading the instructions on his new gun. And in the background, he's got the news on and the news is talking about a terrorist plot

that this is the dumbest possible news broadcast. Basically, the newscaster's like some large number of people somewhere tomorrow will die. Watch out. Anyway, good night. That's the news. So Cage checks the coordinates for, you know, the tomorrow date on the code. And he's like, okay, God, it's the corner of Lafayette and Worth in Lower Manhattan. That's God of heat.

So his plan is to just like go to that place and vaguely stop a terrorist. Shoot at whatever comes. Yeah, the last thing was a plane crash. Catch it. Catch it. Are you going to catch it? What the fuck are you talking about? Bounce it off. Well, his initial plan is to call in the terrorist attack to the police

and say, yeah, there's going to be a terrorist attack at this. And he calls them in. And the police don't care at all. And not Nick, you're not thinking. If you end that call by saying, hello, Akbar, they will have the entire police force. They're ready to shoot to kill instantly. Also, the longitude and longitude and latitude would not get you the fucking cross street man hat. No, you get a block of a square kilometer. Yeah, right. So, all right. So he drops Caleb off with grace because you can't have the kid along for the disaster

part of the plot. How he does this is great. I have to say how he does this is earlier grace is like, oh, by the way, if you have a need me to look after Caleb, then I'm happy to do that. You know, very kind, empathetic, sisterly kind of way of saying, I'll look after your kid. Nicholas Cage arrives at the dawn says, you're so good to come off my hands. Yeah. He's right there. Right. You said if I ever want to ditch the baggage sometime, I could just abandon you here. So you know, here I am. I'm going to go hang out near a terrorist attack tomorrow. I don't know. Exactly what I'm going to do. I brought a gun. You take my kid. I should be fine. He's right there. Yeah. So so he heads to New York City.

We get a bunch of ominous New York City shots. Okay. He takes the Brooklyn bridge into Manhattan. We watched that. Yes. Thank you. Why would that be? He's coming from Yes. He's coming from Cambridge, Massachusetts. So he drove all the way down like 95. You can get it into New York.

And then he went into Manhattan. Right. And out to Queens and Brooklyn for funsies. And then back into Manhattan. Or around through Jersey. Yeah, right. One. That's insane. Yeah.

I mean, if that seems ridiculous enough at times in some of the shots, the cars are driving on the left because many of these shots were filmed in Melbourne, Australia. Oh, were there many people that didn't know? I didn't even notice. Yeah, I read on the IDP, there's lots of cars driving on the wrong side of the well on the Australian side of the road. Oh, I'm amazing. Interesting. But this is ominous New York because every single person in all of these shots is wearing black.

Do people wear other colors than black in New York? I'm pretty sure they did. Apparently not in New York. 2009. Not much. Yeah, holy shit. It's like the fucking matrix. It's a lot of black matrix style. Like I saw that in your notes and I'm just like, no, come on. And then I saw the scene and I'm like a yellow shirt would have looked like a turd on a wedding cake in this fucking scene.

Yeah. We just needed one woman walking down the street to know red dress. It's like, okay, I see where we are now. Yeah. It's the matrix. It makes sense. So yeah. So and then this is amazing. Nick Cage just walks up to some random street cop and says, why isn't this entire area closed off? I called from a pay phone last night. I made a call. I'd mentioned no Stradamus and yesterday, you take it seriously and she's like, cool. Show her your MIT ID again, man.

Cool. Oh, no, that's awesome, sir. Let's just come right over here and we're going to talk about it. And then he runs away, which was very smart, actually, because he was about to be arrested for sure. Yeah, right, right. So he runs down into the subway station, right? So apparently he's decided that that's where the terrorist attack is going to have.

And he looks around and he's like, oh, that guy's got a box. And I'm like, oh, yeah, dude, with a package on the subway. Okay. What could it be? It's very much a game of which sorts of people is Nicholas Cage most prejudiced against. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's his.

But to be clear, his plan was, all right, I'm in the subway, I'm gonna make eye contact with people on the platform until somebody stares at me in a panicky way and then runs away. Yes. Within seconds, oh there he is, he must have a bomb for 171 people and he runs after the guy down the platform.

Yeah. Right. So we have a chasing. The cops are chasing Nick Cage. Why would the cops chase Nick Cage? But they're chasing Nick Cage. Nick Cage is chasing some rando that ran away from him when he stared at him in a New York subway.

Yeah. I mean, I've seen Nick Cage just stare. I would also run away. You can't not land on eyes. It's like a thousand eyes all over the place. Yeah. Everywhere you look. Right.

So, yeah, but it turns out that that guy was just selling bootleg DVDs or something, or stealing DVDs or something like that. Yeah. And so it turns out he was wrong. That wasn't it. And then the train there on derails. If that was the disaster the whole time. Well, is the train coming the other way into the station?

Yes, that derails. Well, right, because the track switcher moves or whatever and it like it sweeps the leg of the train. Right. It's going full speed into the station. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. Yeah. The train that they're on gets hit by the train that derails right beside them. Yes. Or right

behind them. And we have just another cavalcade of entirely comic guests in what was meant to be a disaster film. What is meant to be scary. But every time someone gets even like touched by the train, they immediately smush. Yeah. And of course, they're, again, they're trying to keep it PG 13. So we don't see anything graphic. They just disappear underneath it like the bad guy from Roger Rabbit, you know? Yeah. And there's a great moment when we're inside the train that Nicholas Cage was on and the cop is still there with the shoplifter and just as that train gets hit by the train,

if you watch carefully, the cop shoots the shoplifter. just as that train gets hit by the train, if you watch carefully, the cop shoots the shoplifter. So like, even in that crisis, the police train and just kicks right in to go for the minority who's done a misdemeanor, just really kicks right. So yeah. And now this disaster is supposed to have 132 deaths. There's a point in this train crash scene where I'm like, are we watching all 132 deaths? If I count all the people that get smushed by this train, does it come to 132 like the end of kill bill or I to watch this for an hour. And then they show the aftermath for a second. And they're all, you know, just walking out of the big exploding area in the subway because of the train that got derailed. And I'm

such an asshole. All I thought was like, that's gonna be the worst for the commuters above ground. Right. Yes. That's gonna be such an asshole. Well, you could tell we lived in fucking New York. Yeah.

And this is so stupid. And in the big aftermath shot, we pan up to the American flag and just linger on it for a second. As if to just say, huh, America, what a disaster. if to just say, huh? America. What a disaster. I don't even know what yeah.

So, okay, so he goes to pick up his son and instead of driving home, he drives them to Diana. That's Lucinda's daughter that he that he followed to the museum earlier, the one that he stalked to the parking lot. No, no, that's their house. There he is waiting for the outside of his house. How the fuck would she know where he lives? Exactly.

She doesn't. There's no way she could possibly know, but the movie doesn't remember that. Oh my God. She's there. She's there. Shush, Shush, come on. Her grandma gave her a different sheet of paper that's like use for coordinates for plot elements.

Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So she's showed up for his Ito just so. Gotcha.

So, all right. This is where Diana tells him that her mom always told her that she was going to die on October 19th. And I feel like, and one time would be enough, even if it's always, right? Like that. It's just for every day. You should have gone on and on again. Also, how does her mum know this?

Because this is not a mass death event that's written on the piece of paper. So her mum was never told it by the whispering voices that give her all those numbers. Right. So is her mum just guessing that? Well, so it turns out that as we'll learn soon, that's when everybody who hasn't died

in one of those other disasters dies, right? That's the global apocalypse is on 10, I thought that was the next day. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. See, it's don't, it holds together. It's really tight writing, Marsha. I feel like I can do it. But here's the thing though, is that how would she know that Diana wouldn't just die

of leukemia before that or something? Like, right? So you don't know she was going to make it that far because it says everybody else and Diana's someone. Some way she is some everybody. I guess like what are the odds that she would be on that plane specifically? Okay. So yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. So and then Nick tells Diana his tragic backstory as well. Right. He's like, Oh, you know, my wife died in a hotel fire. And if I had this list back then, I would have known that there was going to be a terrible disaster in that spot.

So she probably wouldn't have stayed there. Yeah. And then either the prophecy wouldn't have been right or she'd have died anyway. Fair. Yeah. Yeah. If he like tried to do something about it, he would have killed somebody else. Yeah.

That's true. Yeah. 48 people die and he pulls her out. Now somebody new dies. Right. No, that's true. Yeah. 40 people die and he pulls her out. Now somebody new dies. Right. No, you're right. It does kind of make you wonder why they would bury this fucking list, right? Because it doesn't, you don't need 50 years of correct predict, like one. Yeah, would have done it. Right. That's what that's exactly what happened. It's why did they bury this list? If this was a plan in order to tell people that there was going to be a massive change. Why give it to a kid who is going to bury it?

Why not give it to a kid who wasn't involved coincidentally that day in a draw something on the piece of paper to bury 50 years of all the people you could have given it to. She was probably the worst, right? This was probably, oh, I want to see this eight-year-old girl arguing with the whisper people. No, we just just just give me like one day a worth of important information that I would know. And I'll just I'll give it to the newspaper right now. Yeah. You will have it. There you go. Just whisper people. Just just give it to the day after the time capsule. And it's fine. Just wait a few hours. Yeah.

And when it comes to this kid, because they'll go back over the kind of the kids listed numbers again, the other thing I thought is whisper people teach this kid some kind of code structure, you know, put in a line break. If you put your missions, people would have known it was, this is why we invented tabulation, just pass on the benefits of tabulation and everything would make sense. List your columns, label your columns. Well, and so, okay. And then we get Nick driving with Diana and their kids into the woods in the middle of

the night. And I'm like, all right, for all you know, he went to New York and killed all those people. Right. Like, why would you go with him in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night? Like, if somebody comes to me and says, a stalker comes to me and says, 132 people are going to die in the place I will be tomorrow. And then that comes true.

I don't assume that he's psychic. Yeah. You and your kid are now hanging out with the terrorists who derailed a train and told you about it ahead of him. I'm brought down to play in Paris. Yeah, right. Yeah. So, right.

Okay. So, but then this is, of course, where Diana, she's looking at the list of numbers. And she notices that what he seems to think she's looking at the list of numbers and she notices that what he seems to think is a 33 at the end is actually two backwards E. Obviously, just look at the other three's, those aren't three's, those are back, it's up, whatever. It's very obvious, yeah. But all that means is on that day in the 19th of October, Emilio Estevez is going to

die. Oh, Eric Astrada. So you're gonna have to try and know that down. That'll be fine. Just don't bother not ring it down. Just that that happened. It's fine. We'll be all right.

Either way. So okay. So but eventually they happen upon this old creepy trailer. This is where Lucinda died apparently, right? This is where she overdosed all those years ago. Diana says, you know, she willed me the property, but I've never done anything with it. And I'm like, wow, you think there would be property taxes

or some kind of building requirements. She says, this is driving distance from Cambridge, Massachusetts, and like, within a couple hours, but no, apparently there's not. So they're wandering around with their flashlights, check it out. The kids are asleep in the truck, right? Well, they're doing this. And they come across her creepy disaster clippings wall. Yeah. I mean, why would you have that?

It seems like you could just have a folder if you're collecting the newspaper clippings. I don't know why you need to put it up on the wall. But just more generally, do they think like they're searching this house for clues as if Lucinda, this magical prophecy girl from 1959, wrote down the last bit of the code that wasn't there and made it like a treasure hunt riddle for Nick Cage and Diana. Why would any of that happen? Well, I think the rule on the back of the Declaration of Independence. It's basically on fine pitch. You're gonna say that is actually what happened.

Oh, yeah. Everybody who's getting whisper people prophecies, just go ahead and tell us the whole thing. Right. Yeah. Right now. Thank you. And I love to look at the disaster wall and they see a picture out of her Bible, right? This is a picture out of the book of Ezekiel

about the apocalypse. And they're like, oh, we should probably take this picture down. It's probably important to the plot. Let's ignore all the rest of these, but this one, this one's got some plot significance. Yeah, they have no basis on which to make that a submission. No, because as far as that can send, nothing about they say is religious yet. No.

Right, exactly. So, all right. But as they're doing that, the creepy guy from the edge of the woods shows up outside and he's got some friends, he's got some creepy friends with them and they all surround the truck that Caleb and the daughter are in. Yeah, I had these guys down as these spikes from Buffy because they all look a little bit like spike from Buffy. So these are the spikes.

Oh, I haven't missed the lost boys. These are lost. There you go. Fair. So, yeah, so while that's going on, we cut back inside Diana and Nick Cage are about to leave. They're like, oh, I guess there's nothing interesting to find in this trailer. What a weird scene.

But then they noticed a pile of those creepy rocks, just like the one that they gave Nick Cage's son sitting under the bed. Maybe there's something scratched into the underside of the bed, you guys. Why? And there is, of course, it's the words, everyone else over and over again,

that's what E.E. stands for. So why scratch something inside underside of the bed? Why scratch it, Mark? Why don't you just write it down to piece of paper somewhere rather than scratching it with your fingernails by the looks things on the underside of the bed 15 times? I mean, you just paste shit on your walls anyway. Yeah. Right?

It's not like he was going to spoil the aesthetic. I mean, I would write it on the walls, but I've got the room really set of just how I want to do. Yeah. So, but then Caleb and the daughter are getting freaked out. So they hugged the horn. They remember that cars have horns and Nick Cage runs out to see what's wrong. And he's like, the creepy whisper people are back and he's like, you know what?

I will run out to the edge of the woods where they hang out again. I bet this time I'll catch him and he does I look I was totally shocked I was like when I thought you had just Batman but apparently he hasn't yeah and he he tries his his patented hey At the guy yeah, right and he gets his attention. It does it works that times the channel. So he turns around and they cage is like, what the fuck is the plot of this movie, damn it? And

the instead of answering the edge of the woods guy opens this mouth and a bright light comes out of his mouth and blinds Nick Cage. And then he batman's property cage is like, okay, mouth light. That's not helpful as an agent. No, I feel like you could have just disappeared all the way the first time. This was not a necessary thing. Was this like the men in black flashy thing, but with his mouth? Is that okay? How these

came across? Yeah. Well, he's got to remember later. But yeah, no, that's in the moment who the fuck knows. Well, tell you what, Nick Cage's character just got blinded and I got jealous. So it's clearly time for another break. But first, let me give it a act three of the hard sell here. Can this movie continue to get exponentially dumber with every reveal? Will Fire Moose get his own spin off film? How long did it take us to realize that this and next were two different Nick Cage movies? Fight out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the apocalyptic conclusion of

Knowing Okay, and now you just throw all the food into the boiling water and then it cooks until all that pesky flavor is completely gone Okay, got it. Hey, Heath. Hey, March. What are you guys doing? Oh, hey, no, yeah I'm just teaching Heath how to prepare some traditional British cuisine. Oh, really? What's the name of the dish that you guys are making? Meat boil, it's called meat boil. It is, yeah.

Why don't you try Hello Fresh? What's Hello Fresh? With Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. But what if I'm going to wear this summer? Because I'm guessing they all need to live it to your home address. Going away this summer, just update your delivery address and enjoy Hello Fresh at your

vacation destination with just a click. Lands are flexible so they work with your changing schedule. Oh, that's pretty convenient, but I'm guessing it's also pretty expensive, right? Actually, according to the Zagat Dining Survey, it's a hello fresh, 72% cheaper than Dining in a restaurant. It's even cheaper than grocery shopping. That's money back in your pocket, which is great if you're ever traveling abroad and your local currency recently lost a large amount of its buying power. Oh, good tip. This is fun. So are the recipes actually any good?

They are, Marsh. One of my favorites is the pork sausage and bell pepper risotto with parmesan and lemons. So good. Really good. That does sound really good. So how do I sign up for this? Just go to hellofresh.com slash awful16 and use the code awful16 to get up to 16 free meals and three free gifts.

So you're saying I just go to HelloFresh.com slash awful 16, and I use the cord awful 16 from to 16 free meals and three free gifts. Exactly. Okay, fine, I'm in, sounds great. But we might as well finish up the meat boil too. So, Keith, just go ahead and just really add the rest. Okay, got it, got it, got it.

Ow, ow, it's so much splashing. It's so hot. Lower it gently. Why is the culture so big? I told you the water is the key ingredient. Okay. I'm not even going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it.

I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it.

I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it.

I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it. I'm not going to explain it, I'm going to streamline the race. Streamline? Exactly. Keep it simple like you told me. Yep. Well, it says here that you have the team of soccer guys constantly whispering to the kid. Whispering. Yep. Right, but it doesn't say what they were whispering.

Oh, good question. Yeah, mostly nonsense at first, but then after that, well, well, more nonsense for a while after that. Why? But then eventually some useful stuff about the big, about the regular streamlined plan that we do. Oh, okay. Normal.

You know this kid is hearing impaired, right? Like it's kind of fucked up to make him deal with whispering too. Okay. Yeah, but we gave him the hearing impairment using the whispering thing. They go together. That's it's helpful. No, what? No, that made you made it worse.

Did I? You see how that's worse, right? Okay. Yeah, actually, yeah. Sorry, that's on me again. I got it. What? Why can't they just like come up to him and talk like normally?

Talk normally. Okay, yeah, no, I'm writing that down. Okay, I just said, but I'm just said just don't add all these. Come up to him and talk like normally. Talk normally. Okay, yeah, no, I'm writing that down to talk. Okay, I just said, but I'm just, I just don't add all these extra layers with kids getting tormented and mass death. Yeah, totally, totally hear you. Okay, no more extra stuff for no reason.

That's what you're saying. I've got to say, right? Exactly, perfect. Okay. Hey Gabriel, there's a really big truck lot I really that's exactly perfect. Okay Hey Gabriel there's a really big truckload of black rocks here for you. All right. Thanks Mike I'll see you later boss rock stuff. I gotta do it right now. Bye. It's it's the rock they gonna pay off Okay You want a yogurt? Yes

Okay. You want a yogurt? Yes. And we're back for still more of this shit. And we're going to rejoin our heroes with Nick Cage, taking Diana back to his place to fill her in on the, on the rest of the plot. Yeah, and I really love this bit, because this is where Nick is saying,

you know, I just know these guys have been following us for days. And she says, I think someone's been following me in Abby too. So yeah, Nick is Cage. We have right. We're following him. It's like think someone's been following me in Abby too. So yeah, Nicholas Cage. Yeah, right. Follow. Yeah. Follow.

Follow. Follow. Also, why would the magic prophecy guys the last but why would they be slow playing it like this over? Right. Just explain it. Stop doing weird whispers. Just explain the thing you want us to do if you're doing prophecy stuff, but they've been building up to this for more than 50 years. They've they've had 50 years to make this a. Yeah, let them have this moment. Yeah.

It's so a lot of work that they. Yeah. So yeah. So Diana's like, wait, are you telling me this is an apocalypse movie? And he's like, yeah, if you can believe that they're in a religious one, it's all kinds of shit. I love it. one, I was like, okay, so the apocalypse is coming. So now Nick Cage has to like convert away from atheism in time as like an action thing. And they kind of, kind of do that, but not as much as I wanted them to do that. Yep, but that is gonna be the plot

of the third act of this film, yeah. Oh, absolutely. So yeah, so they learned that the apocalypse is coming in just a few days, and so that they go to like, they both go to, they get their kids in bed and they each go to their kids bed to sleep. And I'm like, I've seen kids beds, that wouldn't work. Also, I don't know why he goes to sleep in his kids bed.

He lets her have his bed, which makes sense. Sure. He goes sleep in his kids bed. We've seen him sleep on the couch. It's so comfortable. He can sleep there for 15 hours. Right. Just. Drink another pint of whatever. Scotch and olives. It doesn't matter where you sleep. You don't need to couch. Yeah, exactly. But Caleb says, Hey, Dad, are we all going to die at the end of this movie? And Nick Cage says, I will never let

you die. And Caleb says, I don't think that's correct. So I don't think that's a thing you can do. So, okay. So it's the next day, Nick is gonna cook breakfast and he noticed that Abby is coloring in that azekiel picture from the Bible that they took off of Lucinda's wall earlier. So stupid.

Such a weird thing to be doing. Such a stupid way to advance the plot as well. So, oh, you've, you've colored in the sun. The sun, that gives me the idea to MIT. An astrophysicist. He's like, wait a minute, the sun. Right, they're trying to figure out a way to get the astrophysicist to MIT, to realize that at a time that's unusually hot and has too much electromagnetic activity, something might be going on with the sun. Yeah, he gets that out of a Bible. The literal sun might as well walk into the frame and be like, excuse me, yes, I, it's

me. Yeah, just the sun appears. The sun's just standing at the edge of the woods. It's me. It's me. It's me. So yeah, so they go to MIT to check on the sun and Phil is there. And he's like, man, am I even part of this fucking movie anymore? I feel like I've been shut out of the plot altogether.

But he's like, he's like Phil, remember that paper I wrote on extra solar activity? What if that's been the plot altogether. But he's like, he's like, Phil, remember that paper I wrote on extra solar activity? What if that's been the plot the whole time? So yeah, you wrote the paper. Yeah, you remember, you know, remember that paper that I wrote about the sun going crazy and wiping out all life on earth? What if the reason all life on earth

is not to be wiped out is because of the sun going crazy like that? You did the research on this and what did you forget? Yeah. Well, and I said, what did you forget? Yeah. Well, and I love this too. They're like, oh, a super flare is gonna hit the earth and wipe out the ozone layer. I'm like, it would strip away the fucking atmosphere, right?

Like, there would be no atmosphere. And they're gonna fuck up what this would mean so bad with the remainder of this film. They're gonna be like, oh, it'll be the radiation. It'll go deep into the earth, a mile deep. And I was like, okay oh, it'll be the radiation. I'll go deep into the earth a mile deep And I was like, okay, so it'll be fine if it's night where you are Fucking idiots so but Nick angrily stares into the sun as though they're gonna fight in the third act or something from in it And that's when Diana walks in as he said and we're all gonna die because of the solar flare and then he looks and Diana's there

He's like, oh, shit, I was gonna break it to you a different way. But now you know. All right, now we gotta call the government so they can block the sun. They're feeding us for something like that. But that's it, and he says, how, you know, that's what one of the things Phil suggests.

And Nicklin says, oh, they already know this something up. But how do the they already know that something is going on? That the astrophysics department of MIT hasn't spotted. Yes. He's the lovey worst physicist ever committed to film. Well, it gets even worse, right? Because she's like, well, what if we hit deep in some caves? And he's like, yeah, that might protect us

from the total loss of atmosphere on Earth. Yeah. But in this dumbass movie, he's like, yeah, maybe caves. from the total loss of atmosphere on earth. Yeah. So, but in this dumbass movie, he's like, yeah, maybe Caves. No, but like a good cave. It's a real big cave. Yeah, exactly. That's okay.

So yeah, so they get ready to go to the caves, right? They're all packing for cave refuge. Luckily, everybody has a pretty good idea what to pack. They're at his house. What the fuck are the mom and daughter pack? Anyway. So, but of course, he looks at that unopened present one last time. It turns out that was the birthday present that his wife had bought for him two days before she died. And, but he, and he's just never opened it in all these years. I really wanted to be something perishable.

Like, she put it in some boxes. We found some kind of food stuff. It's like, you know, best before. It's, ah, I could have had that. Yeah, I wanted to be something sexy, you know. It's just something weird, but, like, remote controlled thing or something. Yeah, right. Oh, it's not cook, I always wanted to.

Right, yeah. But it turns out it's a locket and it's a, just together forever lock it with a picture of them. It's like it's the kind of thing that a kid gets this mom on Mother's Day, right? It's a shitty. If you think of it as a plot device, it's great. But if you think of it as the actual birthday present that I seemingly well to do, wife got her seemingly well to do husband, it's pretty shitty.

Yeah, this glued to a popsicle. You're grown up. did you mean well to do husband? That's pretty shitty. This glued to a popsicle thing. You're grown up. So yeah, but they're about to leave. But he has to go outside and call his estranged pastor dad first, right? Yeah. Oh, we learn he tells dad that like he has a prophecy. The sun's gonna murder us.

So like getting the subway or a cave or something like that. But we also get to mention that his wife, his dead wife, the hotel fire happened in Phoenix, Phoenix fire. Reborn. Kevin, it's a Christian movie now. Yeah. In your face. Well, I mean, he's literally referencing

first Corinthians 12 in this scene. So I don't think we have to go that far to call it a Christian. But, but yeah, he's, but he's like, but dad, the world's going to end tomorrow, get deep underground and maybe you'll survive the loss of atmosphere. Yeah, that whole lack of atmosphere in Rosalind. That's probably just going to work itself out of a night. So just bring a day's worth of food and something warm. Yeah, something to read. you don't get behold. Yeah, right. But dad's just like, nah, I'm good.

I'm a good Christian. So, you know, whenever my time comes, I'll be all set forever. What about, he always gone the phone, good off. Well, so, and this is a trope that I absolutely love. It's so fucking silly, right? When he's like, oh, I'm a Christian, so I'm ready to go, whatever the good Lord calls me. And I'm'm like, weird that you wait for the walk light then, isn't it?

Right? Just give me a fucking break. That's stupid. That's a good one. That's why you guys never take up any room in the hospitals and stuff. Okay. Anyway, it's time to go, damn it. They need to get this plot on the road. So, and now he goes into get Caleb Caleb is writing scary numbers too. And he snatches it out of his hand and stops him doing it. Yeah. Why would you do that? You know these are prophecies. Why would you stop him prophesizing? That can mean something really, really useful about the solution to save humanity. Yeah. For all we know it is because this never comes up again. Nope. Right. So they leave, but instead of going to the caves to survive the loss of atmosphere, instead they go to Caleb's elementary school, because the teacher lady told Nicholas Cage when

she taught to him that Lucinda had scratched numbers into the door of that closet that he found her in and he figures that, you know, 50 years on. Those are probably still there. Oh, yes, him, and you see him break into the school. And I wrote, you know what? Elementary school is really out too dangerous to break into. Ted Cruz is right about that. So she's surprised.

So, yeah. So he smashed it. And also, it's like he's like, okay, now I just need to look for the one closet in the school. And look, this would, it would be dumb enough if he like had to look at a bunch of closets and find the one that has numbers on it, but the numbers aren't even visible. So he just takes the door off of a closet and brings it home to peel all the paint off of it. Brings it home with them.

So they would like what they cut out the part of the movie where he tried the first nine closet doors on that fucking school. I also love that he brings it home when they get out of the car. She asks him why are we back here? So yeah, did he drive back in silence? Like, he's been on the car with him the entire time. she asks him why are we back here? So yeah, did he drive back in silence? Like, he'd been in the car living in the entire time. He's like, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's,

you'll know when we get home. I'll tell you when we get home. It's a 10 minute drive. We know it's a 10 minute drive. Right, yeah, exactly. So yeah, so Diana is like, okay, so I'm gonna take my kid and fuck off while you peel paint off of a door.

Also, I'm gonna take your kid and fuck off. Which is paint off of a door. Also, I'm gonna take Yolk and fuck off. Which is a weird addition. It takes a kid to that point. That was a weird, yeah, that was a weird addition to that whole bit. Yeah. So yeah, so she grabs the kids and takes the fuck off. Well, he's still looking at the door.

He doesn't notice them leaving, but he finds some coordinates. So now he knows the coordinates where the last part of the movie is gonna happen apparently. Okay, you joking, but that is literally what the court is of the movie is going to happen. Apparently you joking, but that's literally what the court is. No, it is. Yep.

So, yeah. And so Diana's trying to call Nick and say, Hey, I kidnapped your kid, but I did it with the best of intentions, but of course, the phones are out because there's so many problems with all the electromagnetism. Don't worry. They won't be when the plot needs them to not play her. That's true. So yeah, but so she hangs up and she's talking to the kids and she's like, you know, so are you guys still here and creep you whisper demons and they're like, yeah, and she literally asks, how did the whisper people talk to you? And I'm like, they, they fucking whisper.

How are they gonna, how are they gonna tell you that without you sounding like an idiot? Like you set them up to make you feel bad. Anyway, so they stop at a gas station, they've got to gas up. But before she can pay, the big emergency broadcast announcement comes up and says, you're all going to die and there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah. It seems like a bad plan. There's a general like the joint Jesus staff, one of those guys. And he's on the news being like, okay, everybody, you should like a bad plan. There's a general like the joint chiefs of staff one of those

got. And he's on the news being like, okay, everybody, you should start panicking now, I would say. Yeah, that would be as well. They might as well have a countdown to when you should start panicking on the screen. That three, two, one, panicked. Okay. He says, you know, the best advice that we can offer the public is to save your own. That feels really responsive. Like, yeah, so the official line of the US government is the purge. Have that. Murder panic. Yeah.

I love that this moment. He says like, okay, start panicking now on the TV. And we watch one guy in the convenience store inside the castation. And he's holding a small bag of chips. And you watch him think about his purchase. And he's like, hmm, yeah, I'm going to get the bigger bag. I'm going to get this. Might as well. It's apocalypse. And just because this is another IMD trivia point, the bag of chips that he's holding is an exclusively Australian brand of chips.

Oh nice. The entire gas station is filled with Australian products. Well, this is so fucking stupid. So for the rest of the, this, this will, apparently, for the next 45 minutes or so, you know, to demonstrate that the world is in chaos. Now, people will just be randomly running in different directions in this parking lot, right?

As though like, as, like, when you accidentally kick over an ant hill, right, it's that kind of flurry of activity. And we have to assume everywhere on Earth, yeah, right now. It's the kind of flurry of activity. And we have to assume everywhere on Earth. Yeah. Right now. It's the apocalypse. I'm doing serpentine. I'm not true. What would you need from the gas station to die tomorrow? I mean, bang it's a big bag of chips, obviously. But yeah, other than other than that, I grab a chips. So. So okay, so now the phones are gonna work again because the plot requires that. So Caleb goes to the pay phone and calls his dad cell phone, right?

Get a quarter on him. Caleb. Yeah, you know, you always want to, it would have been great if we'd had to go through the 1-800 collect thing at that point or something, but. So yeah, so he calls him and he's like, Hey dad, I'm at a gas station.

And he's like, which gas station? He's like, yeah, I guess without that information, it's in Australia. So really, it's a long drive. So we're gonna make it in time. But just then Diana comes by and she picks up the phone and she's like, hey, I was trying to call you about the kidnapping.

Earlier phones didn't work. Now they do. So, so weird. You would have thought that announcing that the world was going to end would have made it harder to get through, not easier, but apparently it is in this universe with a fuck nose. Well, maybe a lot of people just thought, well, there's no point having this phone conversation. I can hang this conversation up right now. Yeah, right.

Right. And my time in phone conversation. I'm going to go get some fucking chips. Yeah. I'm going to run to the gas station one more time before this is all over. Yeah. So, but Nick says, the gas station one more time before this is all over. Yeah. So, but Nick says, hey, but I found those coordinates. It turns out it was your mom's trailer.

That old trailer in the woods that we went to, that's where the end of this movie is going to happen. And she's like, well, that doesn't make any fucking sense at all. It's like, right? Yeah. But he said, no, it does make sense because since we were starting to try and survive the apocalypse here, we've been to the school, MIT, and my house.

So there's only one of the location in this film. Oh, that's sure I have to use that one. Yep, and while that and the gas station, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And just then, she notices a mysterious pebble on top of the pay phone that she's talking on. God, damn it. I was so mad by this point because I was like, I know they're not going to have these rocks pay off.

I know it's going to be fucking nothing. So weird. And just as she notices that, creepy whisper guy steals her car with the kids in it and drives off. Who leaves the keys in the car while they're getting gas with their kids in it? I'm the kids, but you're asking for your car to go. I mean, figure out the kids. You're asking for your car to get stolen if you leave the keys in the call while they're getting gas? With their kids in it, I'm their kids, but you're asking for your contact. I mean, figure out the kids. You're asking for your contact at stolen if you leave the keys in the call.

Right, it's Panicky Chaos in there. Yeah. And also, this negates the entire movie. Right? So the whisper guys were going to kidnap the kids and take them to that point. Why did anyone have to have these coordinates? If you think about it, Nick Cage, knowing the coordinates made it harder for them to kidnap the kids and take them to this trailer, he

wouldn't even know about that trailer if it hadn't been for the fucking number list. Oh, it all makes sense now because they had to wait 50 years to just grab these kids and go, that's really boring. So they were like, look, it's going to be way too easy. We're here for all this time. How about we spice it up a little bit you know we throw a few obstacles in there With this physicist who is really bad at his job our reckon we can rope him into this Listen in 1959 being like this you're making this so much harder than it has to be you're gonna have to wait around for 50 or you're gonna Get bored. You're probably gonna add stupid stuff. You wanna just, I don't know, take me.

You guys are gonna be like using rocks and stuff later. Yeah, right, right. No, it's fine, it's fine. Well, wait until you have a child and then they have a child and then, you know, we'll just fuck with that kid. It's fine, it's fine. You know what? But just me right now, I'm already, I'm a child right now.

You could take me to do whatever alien thing. That's the thing, right? Cause they're eventually gonna take a bunch of kids to repopulate you know some other planet. So like you don't have to wait until the day before the apocalypse to do the it's just like a homework that you were putting off or something. Oh man, that is that is absolutely soul-cushing for Lucinda because you said okay, so you're you're taking kids off to another planet in order for the human race to survive.

And you communicate with the kids that you want to to survive. So when are we going? Oh, sorry, not a you. Oh, definitely not you. We have a 50 year plan. Yeah, I mean, if you are any good, we believe in right now, but we've got to wait 50 years. That's how rubbish a person you are. Well, yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe they were planning and then Lucinda was just so annoying. They're like, she keeps staring into the fucking sun and shit and scratch and shit with her fingers where she could just write it on the desk. I don't, I don't know, man. Let's just let's let's do let's do the long con. Yeah. So all right. So mom goes to chase the kids. She just steals some other dude's car and goes to chase the kids and gets into a fatal car accident for reasons that will not move the plot forward in any meaningful way. No, no, no, in this life. It was pretty funny though.

It was in the 18 wheeler. Oh yeah. It would have been. I also thought like as soon as she stole the car to chase after the whisper people with the kids, I was like, okay, it's pretty funny if no apocalypse happens. And it's just like the next day she gets arrested for dinner. I'm the kid napping children. That kid I mean, one day, yeah. And Nick Cage shows up and he's like, Hey, good news. I managed to stop the apocalypse. Oh, this is going to be awkward now. Because the alibi is that I met a random physicist who turned up and brought me to museum about some numbers my mother

written 50 years ago. Yeah. Not guilty, you're on it. Yes. I was I was chasing after different kidnappers that with a whisperer to keep. Okay, I'm going. I was trying to un-kidnap the kids.

I'm kidding. So if you double a kidnap it. It cancels it out. So okay. So Nick Cage now luckily, despite all of the chaos and parking a lot running that's going on to the gas station, there's no real traffic. So Nick Cage gets to the gas station without incident. And he asked the cashier, he's like, hey, did you see a lady with the kid and he's like, I did.

I did see exactly one lady with a kid. Okay. This gas station guy had excellent attention to detail during the literal looting riot that is happening. All right. People are running in certain teen and killing each other for potato chips. Yeah. No, she took a dodge.

I the license plate to rank this B. Yeah, I also love that they that he says, which way did she go? And he goes that way. Oh, you mean the only other direction from the one that I came in on this road? Got it. Yes, the gas station. Right. Exactly.

Is she where I came from? No, then she's the other way. Yeah. Okay. It's one or the other. Yeah. She went towards the future temporarily. Thank you. Thank you.

So yeah. So he takes off in that direction, comes across the ambulance, has a moment with her corpse. And he's like, wow, soon I thought you were going to be the love interest. And really you didn't serve any purpose in the film at all except for to have a female lead. Really, you think you didn't serve any purpose in the film at all except for to have a female lead. Really, you think what you didn't do anything meaningful and any point. And he's got a hold

of hand and he's like, I'm sorry. I just want to carry on like, I'm sorry, but you know, this was kinder on you. This whole death. You've got a big plot to play in this. I'll talk around with my door or if you just followed normal traffic safety rules and regulations, post-boggles, I'll call this, what a safety. Yeah. Call with gas earlier. If you just, if you just stalked him with a full tank, you'd still be alive now. There you go.

It's okay. So now he's going to drive out to the creepy trailer. Why? What is he going to, what is he thinking at this moment? He's going to do there. That's where the coordinates tell him to go, which honestly, he's got nowhere else to go. He might as well. Well, but here's the thing though, is that like up until now, the coordinates have been

the place where the disaster hits. So they're like the one place that you least want to be, right? Yeah. Though these coordinates are our place to stay away from, but no, no, and this instance is there, the place that you're supposed to go. So he drives out there. This is where though we get the rock payoff, it turns out that those same type of rocks are near that trailer. Yeah. That's it though. That's it. There were some there too. So the whisper people were just like grabbing a couple each time they went there during their plot. And then like, you know, I'm just going to put this right here on top of this phone.

It's going to be, you're not going to know what it is. It's going to be like our calling card. I figured this out as well. They didn't pick up those pebbles each time. They've been waiting for 50 years for this moment to happen. They've been doubting the pubs of their existence and they've got their pockets filled with storms. That's what's happened here. And it's only when these kids came along, they were like, okay, we'll see

how these kids play out. I mean, we've always got tomorrow. The plan is still there. We've still not planned tomorrow, but we'll see how this plans out. So. All right. So yeah, so he comes across all the mysterious rocks. He finds Diana's stolen car. And then he sees creepy next to the woods guy standing there. Right? And he's like, hey, man, I have halogen lamps that's going to equal out to your mouth lights. So let's not do that again. Right. And like these guys are going to be the, we immediately find out that actually these guys are the good guys. Yes. But if these are the good guys, everything they have done has done themselves no favors at all. All of their demeanor is not doing

them any favors. No. terrible of that demeanor is not doing them any favors. No terrible. No, Nick Cage walks up to the one with his gun and he's like, Hey, you know, I've got check off scum right here in my hand. We're almost at the end of the movie and it hasn't been fired yet. You better answer me. And he doesn't ask because he can't talk. He can only do brain whispers, but luckily just then Caleb shows up and he's like, Hey, don't shoot him. He's a good guy. It turns out it's these are supposed to be alien like angels, right? They're or aliens working with angels and God. They are angels. Yeah, we're going to find out in a minute. Yeah. God has his angel people dress up like Columbine and like do whisper

based had a file seeming stuff like what the fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Caleb comes up and he's like, hey, don't shoot them. They're the good guys. Him and all his buddies line up like a fucking album cover or something and they're like, see, good guys.

Also, there's a Caleb has a bunny now. Yeah. He's like, I figured we would give the kid a sidekick at this point. What why Easter rabbit rebirth Phoenix. So, okay. Cadbury eggs are delivered. That is, the only way we can justify

that this film is a religious film. Even though at this moment, the kid says, the whisper to people told me that mummy is safe now in heaven. Yes. But you're right, the bunny is the sign that this is a religious film. Yeah, there you go. Oh, the fucking Ezekiel spaceship that's suddenly now coming

down from the from the heavens. They're fucking angel aliens with an Ezekiel spaceship. Yes, it's yeah. My notes do say at this point, you guys are so, so, so welcome for this one. Because that's Nick's, Nick's cage sees the spaceship and in awe he drops to his knees as if in prayer. Yes. Really labeling his on. He's like, oh Christianity was right all along a Zechial spaceship. Yeah.

So apparently what we get from this is that God is knowing the world again. Yeah. And he has chosen Caleb and this little girl as the reboot couple, right? These two 11 year olds or whatever. Yeah. And this is a really bad plan. Why don't you take them? This year, we'll find out in a moment that it's not just those. Because I was thinking this is this is very silly. You've got two eight year olds or something. You're going to need other kids. You're not going to have a viable breeding population with just two. So I then looked at what a viable breeding population is for the human race. So they'd have to

be taken at least 4169 eight year olds and then leave with them for a decade or so to have a minimal viable breeding population. Well, right. Or you could get them a little older. Yeah. Seems like you would start with. Grab a bunch of like 17 year olds now when you've got a good 20 years of breeding in them. Yeah. They could really get a head start on this whole thing. So, but they don't take on the old ones because we find out that Nick, okay, it's okay.

Cool. We'll just get in this spaceship now then. Sorry. Sorry. Not me. Okay. Okay. The whisper guys have to be like, oh, so yeah.

So we went through this same thing with Lucinda once before. We're a little better at it now, but, uh, no, you're not. You overact. That's the probably we don't want. If you go, could you imagine being on a spaceship with you for like the 10 years, it's going to take us to get to this other planet. I mean, come on. It's very much a step forward. All those who are getting on the spaceship. Nick, not, not, not, not, not, not, not the spaceship. Nick, not, not, not, not so fast. Right. That we've broken this team. And Abby at this point does not care because she's like, ah, it's fine. I've treated my limb mom in for like two totally sweet bunnies.

Right. I've come out, come out up on this, this exchange. Right. Her fucking mom died earlier that evening. Yeah. Yeah. So Lulu, Lulu got some bunnies. Right.

So the kid is all said, he's like, Oh, but now dad, you're going to die. And he's like, it's okay. Because I have a locket for you. I love that this kind of ends with what they're saying is the good guys, this angel alien being like the Bouncer at a restricted country club in like no Jewish people are atheist or whatever that is. No 100% well, but he's not an atheist or the right because he stops and he says, I know now that your mom is in heaven and she's doing just fine. And I'm like, why do you know that?

Why did aliens mean possibly know that? That's so stupid. I've literally done Nicholas Cage realize that heaven is real because aliens are abducting his kid. Yes Heaven is real. Just let his son stay and die. Right. Well, I'll be reunited. Yeah, because you got it's right in front of you now I wanted to alien be like, okay, yeah technically you did except Jesus now Nick Cage Oh, okay, so our plan is to have your child fuck this girl. You're gonna be on the ship at this, I don't think.

It's gonna get very weird. There's a lovely life in Cage as well, because he says to his son when he realized, he says, I'm not leaving you. And like technically that's true. The kid is leaving you. You're right, right. I'm not going anywhere.

Well, the earth is moving very quickly if you think about it. He is gonna want to say, take it. But yeah, so and then this is where we see the whisper people's true forms, right? They like shed their fucking lost boys outfits and they're see through humanoids with like a femoral angel wings. Yeah. And they've got a very strong meme from a David Ike book.

Look to them. Yeah. Don't general. Yeah, don't they? No, they. Yeah, so they fly up in their spaceship. The spaceship leaves. Somehow there are still seven minutes in this fucking movie. Don't worry. Six of them will be the earth exploding.

Oh, oh, and all the weird rocks float as the spaceship takes off. Well, yeah, some of them a little bit. Some of them now all of them. You would them levitate like two feet. Yeah, some of them a little bit. Some of them, not all of them. You would them levitate like two feet. Yeah, they all start to fall back down. And then end of rocks. That's the end of the rocks. Yeah, no, I've got nothing.

I have no idea what it is. Absolutely. Why would you do nothing? Why would you do nothing? Everything else. Yeah, so yeah, but this is what we see that they have several spaceships. So Nick Cage's kid wasn't that special after all. There's a lot of kids here in the whisper people.

And potentially a breeding population. Okay. Why does the alien reap? Why do they need humans in the universe? Why do humans have to still be a thing? Because we are made in God's image. Heath. So are the aliens.

Well, that's true. They're angels though. They're not, they don't have free will. But just get, I feel like humans are bad. You would feel like God could just make new humans since he made those other ones out of dust and ribs to begin with. Yeah. Yep. So, okay. So then Nick Cage lays down on the rocks and goes to sleep. Yeah. Which could be for anything up to 50 hours a power. You right. Yeah have no idea.

So honestly, Nick Cage waking up in ever-weirder places is a big theme of this movie, right? Because then we cut to, like it's raining and he wakes up and he's like, oh, this is a shit. Place to sleep. You think I was a little of my last sleep? I'd wanna do it somewhere comfortable. And he's like, oh, you know what?

I should drive to see my estranged dad who apparently lives in Manhattan. Hope there's no traffic in Manhattan. Oh, no, he goes to Boston here. Oh, is it Boston that he goes to? Yeah, he drives the, he drives the like parts of Boston and eventually finds his parents house. Yeah.

Oh, well, then it makes sense that there was no traffic. Okay. Never mind. Yeah. He does an excellent job of driving very calmly through complete, calmly, as civilization crumbles around him and there's just open riots, but not in the little stretch of rule that he happens to be using at that time. Right.

They're like, well, we got to make room for the protagonist here. And he drives past his friend Phil. Oh, does he really? Yeah. Yes. He sees his friend Phil and Phil's wife in the, in just on the side of it. And as if you do, like, I imagine Boston's a fairly large popular city. Yeah.

He's gonna be a fucking friend. And they make eye contact. Yeah. He's just, he's driving through a riot in the middle of Boston. And he looks over and he sees, Phil, he's like, hey, belt, just, just driving through the riot, you know, like do. And how's it going? Is it very kind of what are you going to do?

Look to his face. Yeah. What are you going to do? And the direction for Phil was just like, stand there in atheist sorrow. You can't react to this. So it'll just like kind of weeps and hugs his wife and does nothing and doesn't move. Yeah. So, but yeah, so he, eventually he drives to his parents house.

Apparently, dad is a billionaire pastor based on the home that he owns in the middle of Austin. But dad is very proud of Nick Cage for facing this rapture like a man, you know, not hiding in some damn cave somewhere. Yeah. And then they have a big family hug. And the earth explodes. He's, he's, he's, his sister's at the house, Grace is there and he's like, Caleb safe.

He's, he's with aliens doing maybe a sex experiment, but safe. And then we watch Boston get vaporized by the sun, which was kind of a cool shot, actually. Sure. Yeah. But what do they think a solar flare is? Right? Like I'm so curious why but yeah okay and and then we see we watched the whole earth explode for like you know five six fucking minutes and then we cut way back off to like where we're seeing it from like

you know whatever Mars or something and we can see these big like chunks flying off the side of earth. Now, these would be the size of mountains, given how far away we are, but they're like, oh, that's probably the dust and stuff would get ripped away, right? Probably. Well, the mountains are very loosely held to the surface of the world by mostly atmosphere and electromagnetic radiation. They're massive magnets.

They're just massive, massive magnets. That's true. Yeah, you're reversing the polarity of them and they'll go the other way. Jesus fucking Christ. So yeah, so the mountains fly off. Meanwhile, Abby and Caleb get dropped off on an alien heaven world. There's a massive cornfield. Yeah.

They got some nice linen cult outfits. Yes, yes, they're dressed all in white to wear while they, I guess, fuck in these amber waves of grain where they've been delivered. And that's the end. Well, there's there's a giant tree. I was shocked that the tree didn't have apples on it or whatever. And the kids didn't change. Like I'm surprised that there wasn't a hello, my name is Adam, and my name is Eve, the thing at the end of the time. So fucking stupid.

But yeah, they run towards the tree of the knowledge of Schmutt and Schmevull or whatever, and we get some triumphal music and the whole thing ends. So, I feel like that's dumb as possible, ending. I'd be happy to be pretty wrong, though. Can you guys think of a dumber possible ending for this? So I think I've got a better ending. Okay. So Nicholas Cage goes to his family, hugs his past to dad, closes his eyes and waits for the soul of Fleta to hit, and nothing happens. And then we cut up to the alien spacecraft, and they're

all celebrating pulling off basically in Orchans 11 style heist to see the shitload of kids from us. So the rules said you had to have dad's permission or whatever when you say, yeah, no, it's good. That's good. Okay, Dumber ending. That's just fantastic. That's what should have absolutely happened. Okay, Dumber ending, same thing. We see the shot, but the shot of Earth getting vaporized by the sun is, it's a flat earth. It's actually flat. Make it even more gam appropriate.

Yeah, there you go. All right, well, I guess that's going to do a part review of knowing, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to bring it back next week. So heath, tell us what's on deck. The Lion of Judah. Oh, something tells me that's not gonna sneak its Christianity and quite to the same degree. I believe it's fairly overt in its Christianity,

and I believe it's animated. Oh, awesome, awesome. All right. Lion cartoons, yeah. Awesome, all right. So with a cartoon to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 356 to a merciful close. Obviously, I need to thank Mars again for helping us out this week. And I need to remind you to check the show notes for links to all his stuff. Also, want to offer an even bigger thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make

the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby earnestly access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this, you'll be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating a the citation data D and D minus and the skeptic grant available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, you can email gotoffamoviesadgmail.com, legal services for this podcast provided with a lot of visits to P and retours.

Tim Roberts takes care of our social media, our theme song was written before by our Ryan Slot, the N.C.A.V.L.D. drafts on Mars. All of the music was written before by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm an illusions promise to work harder or another chunk, what next week until then? We'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes.

4169 eight-year-olds went on to staff to death on an alien columnist. Right, because it was wheat! Where are you just gonna eat handfuls of wheat? I'm actually gluten intolerant. Yes. Not good. That kids.

Yep. In this movie's timeline, Donald Trump went on to not be president, so it wasn't all bad. So something burning in the air. And God went on to redo the sun. It was a whole thing. I was big panics. Casper's Production of Puzzle and Ethnistrum LLC, Copyright 2022, all rights reserved.