God Awful Movies - 360: Late One Night

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

This week, Jessica Bluemke joins us for an atheist review of Late One Night, the story of what Dave Christiano had to offer the filmmaking world before mom made him bring his brother along. -- Hear more from Jessica on the Friendly Atheist podcast: https://friendlyatheistpodcast.com/ --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Hi, I'm Tony D and one pot black bean and pepper soup is just one of the delicious meals I've tried through Hello Fresh with over 50 menu items and market items to choose from each week You'll never run out of dishes to try get 16 free meals plus three free gifts with code awful 16 at hello fresh dot com slash awful 16 15 Now I'm picturing him in the back of the car, God is driving and he's like, do you want to take a shit before you go down to the diner to save that guy's soul? No I'm fine. Why don't you start going down to the diner and save that guy's soul and won't be able to stop? Ha ha ha ha! God awful! Movie!

Movie! Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be You see, live Bosniki, live, how's it going? I'm fantastic, Keith, as our listeners are hearing this. I imagine that I am watching you, Noah, Thomas and Nikola play code names with guns to each other's heads. So I imagine I'm very happy. I feel like that's, it's, we enjoy, it's a fun game. Everybody's just having fun. It's the only way to play though. You can, you gotta take it seriously.

And with that out of the way back again by very popular demand. We also have veteran guest, maskist Jessica Blumkey, Gryff from the friendly atheist podcast. And also Cooper Duper, a twin peak podcast for regular people, Jessica. Welcome back. Thank you so much for having me back on boys.

Very excited. Ooh, and we've got an amazing movie. Do we not Jessica? Yeah. What are we going to be breaking down today? We watched late one night. It's the story of a sociopath who meets a psychopath and a diner and they almost brought to you.

And guys, guys, guys, do you know when this movie was released? Because I looked it up while I was snooping around IMDB. Okay. I didn't cheat. I didn't cheat. I am going to say 19 A.B. Okay, I think that's off. I'm going to guess based on the looks of the people like 2000.

Okay, it was released on September 1st, 2001. No. I scream to when I saw that. Okay. This is what happens when you make movies like this. Movies have consequences. The worst thing that happened in September that year. Artistically. Hashag never forget. Sociologically. All right. Well,, gives you an idea. Eli, exactly how bad was the worst thing that happened in September of 2001, the movie. Yeah. Well, if you've always wondered what happens when the pathetic neediness of a sexual harasser meets the psychotic confidence of a street preacher, you will love this movie.

It's, I hope the whole place burns down the movie. If you ever watched a movie and been rooting for roof collapse or an offset accident, well, then you'll love this every week. Eli every week. All right. Well, is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at. This is a tough one this week. Yeah, this is tough. I said best, worst use of mid 20th century slang. Yeah, and it's not set in the mid 20th century, I don't think. You're a phone. Yeah.

Right. They're supposed to be in like modern times, right? The characters. It seemed to be, except for one fact. It's supposed to be contemporary. Yeah. So I actually, I empathize with this movie's inability to talk like a human because this movie is going through what I went through at a toy store. Because as we've spoken about on the show before, me, Heath, Noah, we all worked at a toy store, except fuck is every third

word that I say. And instead of being able to just not say the word fuck, I started to talk like a grandma trapped inside an escalator for a hundred years. So that's what this movie is doing. It's instead of being like this fucking asshole, it's like this phony Allen. I'm sorry, did you say phony Allen is your line? Yeah, you know, he's a phony Allen.

Looks like you hurt your face when you said it, too. Yeah, it's weird. Is the blood coming out of my nose? Yeah, and fun fact, it was coming out of your eyes nose for pretty much that whole time at that toy store. Sure was. Terrifying. Well, I was selling poison balloons

or whatever the fuck that was. Hey, legally those were never proven to be poison. Okay. Okay, Mr. X bartender, oh, we don't give people poison. Okay. That's different. That makes them happy first more. My poison man. I'm having to make anybody happy. They were horrible. How dare you? You're given the microplastics or whatever. This guy's just macro plastic. This is macro poison plastic. very big. Very obvious poison indeed. Okay, I was going to go with best worst.

Jesus Christ has a goatee. Okay. This boys look. Okay, it was made in 2001, so that's explained some of it. But a character that we're going to meet that will very obviously be Jesus turns out to be Jesus is wearing a goatee. So Jesus Christ, the savior of humanity, according to this movie, came back to earth and went with a goatee. It's yes.

What if God was one of us? Yes. Yeah, but like it's just so aggressively 2001 his whole look his hair does not match his goatee for some reason the goatee is like so short he either purposely like made that decision or they were like yesterday. Can you grow a goatee by tomorrow? Like that was all he could do. It was a mess.

Yeah, because because now you have to picture Jesus Christ of Nazareth up in heaven Running into his dad that God of the universe is room and being like, huh? What do you think? It's like no the way to fit in is to be John Legend in a white linen shirt. I can't tell you this And I'm gonna go with best worst response to the problem of evil. It's right at the moving. I won't spoil it, but I think it's up there. I think it's up there for,

do they have a response to the problem? Well, I guess we'll get there. I'm gonna stick it there. I mean, I don't know. Okay. We're gonna find out the hard way. Yeah. All right, I'm gonna think about that for a second.

We're gonna take a quick break, and we'll be back to tell you all about late one night. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'm a meme texter. If you're my friend or even a passing acquaintance, the chances are that I'm gonna text you between one and 12 memes a day. That's true, it's so many. It's more than that probably.

Yeah, it can confirm. He asks me a lot of horse questions. But if you've been sending out memes at premium rates, you might be missing out on amazing savings with Mint Mobile's Modern Family Plan. What's Mint Mobile? How dare you? Whatever. It's fine.

Mint Mobile offers premium wireless starting at just $15 a month. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they're the first company to sell wireless service online only. They cut out the cost of retail stores and passed those sweet savings directly to you. It's true. Mint Mobile gave me a plan to try when they became an advertiser and now my whole family is on Mint Mobile. All plans come with unlimited talk and text plus high speed data delivered on the nation's

largest 5G network. So I know the baby bulldogs I'm sending to Heath are text, plus high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. So I know the baby bulldogs I'm sending to Heath are going to get there fast. Oh, you're getting bulldogs? Yeah, okay, I do like the bulldogs, but that's like maybe one out of four. The rest are just ticked talks that I definitely don't want to watch. Okay, well you should, because they're very funny. Anyways, no, use your own phone with any mint mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts. To get your new

WIRO's plan for just $15 a month, including the Modern Family Plan, go to MintMobile.com slash Gam. That's MintMobile.com slash Gam. Cut your WIRO's build a $15 a month at MintMobile.com slash Gam. Mint Mobile, because if I don't take the picture of an angry looking animal to my wife with the caption, it you, who will? All right, guys, it's time to write our Christian short film. Let me hear those ideas. Oh, okay. So what about a movie about a guy who doesn't believe in God,

right? And he's just the worst, like everybody hates him. So one night, he goes to a diner, and he meets this guy who's like, who's like Christian. Oh, and he's like a total dick to him too. Yes, yes, like violently sociopathically horrible. Exactly. Right, right, right. And the message of the movie is that he gets to go to heaven

if he believes in Jesus. Love it, love it, love it. Right, me too. Right, right. I can just worry that if that's what the movie's about, people might take the message to mean it doesn't matter if you're a genuinely horrible person. That Christianity only cares about your blind faith. I mean, that's, you describe the whole religion, but that's the whole thing. I'm pretty sure. It's kind of our thing. Oh

Well, then I guess I'm sold fantastic. I'll go get the oldest possible camera the museum will let us borrow you be Dude on beta And we're back and we're gonna open up the movie on the words Dave And we're gonna open up the movie on the words Dave Cristiano films so like really bad start. I was Triggered back to Cristiano brother stuff, but it's just Dave. Yeah, this is the Cristiano brothers before their mom made him let his brother play I guess Cristiano you gotta go by David right? Right?

Maybe he thought it was a little ethnic for him so he went to Dave. I feel like that's what he did. I was gonna say maybe he's trying to get into SAG or something, but LOL he is not in SAG. No, no. Or whatever the producer's killed is. Yeah, I don't care how far the union is falling.

Yeah. Cristiano brothers are not in it. In Spidge or whatever it would be. So from there, we get a Bible quote because of course we do. It's Romans 1221 and it's like the dumbest quote. It's basically just says, don't be evil, be good instead Bible. I have many complaints about the Bible for obvious reasons, but one of them is just their flagrant fuckery with prepositions. So I looked up this Romans 1221 and only the King James version and the American standard version do the like be not overcome of evil, which is nonsense.

All of the other versions are like, don't fall victim to evil. Try and like how human beings talk in correct words that have meanings. I just don't know why they're insisting on making this language so archaic and dense. That's just a marketing note for the Bible. Was this like, was this a writer who ever wrote this part of the Bible, who got excited that like, be not overcome of evil, overcome evil with good, and that person's head, was it like a clever switcheroo of that? I think he thinks it's like a turn of phrase, but it certainly is sent.

Like a clever turn of phrase is like, don't let evil overcome you you overcome evil. That's using overcome an evil twice in a way that flips the meaning on a track. That's how writing works. Picture in Johannes Gutenberg taking out his headphones. Jim, it just good that is better than what I did. I know Gutenberg didn't translate the Bobby just printed it. I just don't know who translated it. King James, right? Because it's boring.

It's the King James version. He did. King James was, it wasn't most of them were seeing all this. It was Moses went up to the top of the mountain. Moses had a scribe with King James and Ray Comfort. And a banana. And they decided with the bottom.

A Muslim guy or something, right? Oh, he was further awake because he was like, oh, I recognize that Jesus is like a Saint in a real cool guy, but I don't think he's God. So he was probably too far away to get like the God glow from him. Yeah, accurate depiction of what Muslims believe in Jesus. I think it's as accurate as we want to get on this podcast. There is the mise en scène of that. The history of the universe.

Correct. So now we're going to watch his tragic backstory, but the Christiana brothers don't know how to film anything. So they just like have everyone yelling the tragic backstory. We call this an exposition dump. It's literally just a dad and a mom being like, I never should have married you. Even if you were pregnant, I hate you. Well, I hate you. like, I never should have married you, even if you were pregnant. I hate you.

Well, I hate you. Well, I hate the kid. And it's like, oh, thanks, guys. Are you guys aren't fighting? Are you? And then happy marriage. I wish this movie was more on the nose. I'm gonna yell my social security number

in case anyone ever needs to find me. I did like that. So this asshole guy yells like, I never should have married you find me. I did like that. So this asshole guy yells, like, I never should have married you in a bunch of things like that. And his wife is like, yeah, but you're ugly. Yes, like, okay. Cool. Just fucking roasted, dude.

Yeah, roasted up. Good burn. I also loved their fail of Echo for the I hate that kid moment. I wrote the same thing. This is weird. So strange. of Echo for the I hate that kid moment. I wrote the same thing. This was weird. So strange. Like your traditional Echo is like,

wow, medium, quiet. And like fades to the back room. And this was, I hate that kid. I hate that kid. I hate that kid. Okay, I thought he just said it over and over in, like I didn't think it was an Echo. I actually heard it as like him him being like, I hate you.

And I hate that kid. I hate that kid. I hate that kid and like kid kid. Kid, kid. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Kid.

Look. Look. Yeah. Look at, look at me. I hate you. It flash cuts to him like an inch away from his son's face just with spring. I hate you. He is.

Yeah. So that kid spoiler is going to turn out to be our main character. We don't know that yet, but that's what's about to happen. Mm-hmm. Last time I was on the show, don't remember what I was watching, but I just kind of clocked to that all of the actor's names were like bargain basement versions of real actor's names. Yup. And this one one y'all Happened again. We had a like human clean human record. No, no human clean

Josh Gaffa Josh Gad no Jim Gaffigan. No, Tarradja B. Henson nope. That's my dude Trevor Henson like All of these names are like oh do I know that nope? No,'s just. Yeah, no, they got all their actors on she end. Yeah. Ah, ah, ah. Miss actor looked really good in the video that the influencer showed me. I just, it's not my fault. Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know,

and it takes a really long time to ship, but it's so cheap and the quality's bad, but who cares? Exactly, yeah. So from there, we see Dad leave, and then we cut to 25 years later. That kid is all grown up now and he's in jail. We watch him getting thrown into a cell. Right, but they can't make movies. So it shows him getting thrown into a cell and then he immediately walks out of the room

he was in into a milk jug factory. So it appears that he's been sentenced to in into a milk jug factory. So it appears that he's been sentenced to work in a milk jug factory. Oh, no, I think you're confused again. Now, as a scholar of all things, David Lynch, what we're looking at is dream logic. So our directorie's friend is some mergers. And to not, you know, things don't necessarily make sense,

right, but there's a logic to them in a flow. These people are really out of their time. Mysterious ways, okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, so. Interesting. Pretty smart. It's a lot like twin peaks, if you think about it, right? Yeah, no, no.

Yeah. Famously, David Lynch's most famous work. Absolutely. Yeah, of course. Late one night, the Christian film by David Lynch. Uh-huh. Oh, I would watch the fuck out of that. Oh, amazing. He says a racer head is his most spiritual film. And if you've ever seen that, it should worry you. Yep. It does.

A racer head is a nightmare movie. Pretty much everything David Lynch has ever done or said worries me for him or the people around you. He is a lunatic. I watched a 90 minute documentary about how he thinks transcendental meditation is going to change the world. I just, he's just everything. I love him. He's such a weirdo. Oh, I adore him. Speaking of David Lynch, by the way, that was actually my music note, my music note for this scene with the spooky music was David Lynch was just high, you guys. There's not a larger narrative. He's just like, oh boy. Like they do, there's like this moment and then toward the end when he's like having flashbacks to his like terrible life,

which seems mostly consequences of his own actions, but whatever. But like they try to do the like interstitial like he's yelling and then it's like, oh factory noises and this is stressful. Like they try to do something for like collectively 45 seconds of this movie, but you know, they tried. Yeah, exactly. Hey, for effort. Okay. So what they've established in the dream logic, but in real reality, I think his job in jail was watching the assembly line at the milk bottle factory, or is that his job after he gets out of jail? That's his job after he gets out of jail? That's his job after he gets out of jail.

Yeah, that's a present day job. Well, the movie's not clear. I don't think the movie was sure about itself here. So his job after jail is milk bottling facility, where he just looks at milk, it's kind of confusing. He he he he. And from there, we get a quick cut of him going to a bar after work and he spends like 10 minutes trying to slowly say, I would like to have sex with you now to a random woman.

And she's like, get the fuck out of here. I hate you. Yeah. I wrote in my notes. He went to the Heath and Wright School of flirting. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. I wouldn't say anything.

Burn. I would have said nothing and not talk to that woman. Today, welcome to the bar, you're in. I might have said that. Don't own it. You own it. Do you? Hello.

Sex. It's me, Heath. There are many women in this bar, but you're the first one I noticed. And I think I deserve a gift for that. I have some pocket cheddar. Do you want? Nope. Okay, baby bell. No, it's the I like it's in wax.

It's not weird. Is it still in the wax? Because I swear to God, if you give me some lentilets, baby, unwrapped baby bell. I'm a gentleman. I keep it in wax. Always wrap up your baby, especially now in June of 2022. More important than ever. More important than ever. Love a good bond, Bell. Yeah. up your baby, especially now in June of 2022. More important than ever.

More important than ever. Love a good bond bell. Yeah. Come on. Okay. It doesn't love a good bond bell. By the way, I will be calling my penis my baby bell from now on. I'm glad you've never had sex.

No, that's the brag you think it is, my friends. Actually, it's a name for whatever miniature horse is at the barn that I work at. See? It's baby bell. Nice. Is that interesting? Is baby a bell? Nice. Is that interesting? Is this good entertainment? I'll talk about fucking cheese all afternoon, happily. We're really, we're really hitting it off here at this bar, talking about cheese never

right? She's leaving. Sure deal of cheese. He's leaving. Yeah, so the lady in the movie tells him to drop dead. He walks out. I guess the whole point is that he's having a frustrating life. That's what movie tells him to drop dead. He walks out. I guess the whole point is that he's having a frustrating life. That's what we're meant to learn here.

And we're going to, this scene is going to be called back to you later. And he is like, no women will talk to me because God or someone like that. But this is the only like glimpse into his quote unquote flirting technique. And I just, I, I know you have a lot of male listeners out there. And I just want to give you just some, some advice from your Midwestern 30 something friend. Don't monologue it, people. Nobody likes it. A lot of broken hearts. You know, it's the key to flirting. Ask people questions about themselves and be interested in the answer. And if they say leave you alone, leave you alone.

Fucking nailed it. I'm gonna write a book. I'm the next guy with the hat, mystery. That was just, that's like a really simple playbook right there. Mm-hmm. The go-away part, I think, is very important if you're told to go. Very important.

So after that, we get some more credits that they forgot about to put at the beginning. And then they reopened the movie with three guys. So we had two cold open. Yeah, this is the second cold open of the mood. This is the tepid opening. The third. Yeah, yeah.

And we reopened with three guys showing up to this diner just aggressively. Oh boy. Yikes. I have never seen anyone walk into a diner with more dominant sexual energy than the protagonist of this movie. It is wild. He, like his energy comes in five feet before he does. He is just like a ball of rage and wig.

Can we talk about his hair, you guys? Yes. He is just like a ball of rage and wig. Can we talk about his hair, you guys? Yes. I genuinely was staring at it for so long. And finally I landed on it. It looks like film celluloid. Ooh. That sort of slick, like strips of film celluloid.

Didn't seem to have individual hairs. It had more of like an interesting. I was gonna to go with Tina Turner wig, but for a baby on a regular man sized hands. Okay. I like that too. I think though, not too, not too poke holes. I like that a little too much. I don't like that. I like your thing. I think a Tina Turner you're going to get more height from a Tina Turner wig, you know. Yeah. think a Tina Turner you're gonna get more height from a Tina Turner wig, you know, yeah. Sure. Yeah. So these these terrible people want one of them with the film, so it hair comes in. They're just he and on the booths as they walk in to mark the other territory.

They sit down in their favorite booth. They sexually harass the waitress, of course, because it's just, you know, classic shenanigans of that. Immediately too. Okay, just to be clear for for this character, out of the two scenes we have seen him in so far, he has bothered a woman in two of them. Spoiler alert, he will reflect on a third scene immediately about bothering a woman's good. Be a focus. It's his only character trait.

Yeah, there's also this fantastic moment where he's like, oh, you're such a good person and she's like, fuck you, nobody cares, everyone hates you. And he's like, ah, we banter ladies, right? But his response to fuck you, by the way, is that he's not going to tip. Yeah. So, you know, he is truly the worst embodied human that could be in the movie. Marvel. Can I add something to my list of Jess's tips for boys?

Yes, go. Sorry, I just really tickled my... We are renaming the podcast tips for boys, by the way. I really tickled myself with that one. I don't know. Just for boys, the other one is don't curse to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. Just her voice. The other one is don't curse women by threatening their livelihood in order for them to go out with you.

That's not cool. Do you said don't do that? Don't. Don't. Tell a woman that you will not, she will not get paid for the job that she depends on to feed herself for family, keep a roof over her head, et cetera. Yeah.

Don't threaten to withhold the money that might prevent her from doing so because she won't go out with you. That is just, we're gonna put a star next to that one, actually. Yeah, that's, that's good setup. Don't look, right, exactly, right up there. And you don't tip, you're allowed, there should be some serious, crazy,

normally not legal things that you're allowed to do if somebody doesn't tip that kind of a jack. If the Supreme Court's going to do one good thing, put this in. Fuck. People are monsters. State by state even. Yeah. And this, by the way, is also where we meet the owner of the diner.

Does this guy ever get a name Jackson Jackson? Yeah. They yell it so many times. Jackson will serve only one purpose in the movie, which is no matter how badly the protagonist acts, he will apologize to everyone in the room and then let Larry keep acting that way. So wait, did you click? He's the owner of the place. I guess I got the impression he was the owner and he's the cook too. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, I thought he was just the cook, but that tracks. Okay. All right. This thing is layers, you know, real deep, pretty much the characters.

We also meet, actually, this doesn't, I was about to say an important character. No, it doesn't matter at all. But we meet a street preacher for a second who's outside of the diner and he's like, God loves you. Oh, they're gone and people are just walking right past him. He's doing badly with street preaching. We just see that for a second. Yeah. People are ignoring his pamphlets. To set up mostly nothing later. Oh, we do get one little prop. His pamphlet shows up in the story. Okay.

I really do hate in these movies when people, when they try to drum up sympathy for a character who's doing something like this, just in, you know, street corner preaching, as if like, they're the good guy and everybody else who's just like trying to like Get to lunch or pick up their kid who you're walking by and ignoring this man who's demanding their attention in a public space And it's like yeah everyone sure is assholes to you, dude like no, you're still a bad guy. You're the one bothering people No, get out of the way. I'm delivering food to people who need it. Get move. I just, I worked at the Tribune Tower for like two years and truly like, just trying to

get to where you're going is so hard between tourists and street preachers and shit like that. It's just, it's your juking. You got to juk, you got to be fast. Yes. Got to be nimble. Soft knees. Absolutely. Yeah. So street preachers doing

fairy badly. We go back inside and we see the three assholes just a bullshit with each other about work. And one of them's like, Hey, tell the story about the woman that you're harassing and work. Tell it. Tell it, tell it, tell it, tell the other guy, tell the other guy right now. And that's what we get here. Well, this is why it's so confusing. He introduces it by saying, so how's your girlfriend doing? And spoiler alert, the entirety of the story will be the levels of sexual harassment, like that he has subjected this poor woman to so much so that his boss in, as we learned, 2001 is like, hey, man, it's 2001 and you're too much. You got to stop sexually harassing this lady.

Yeah, I'm very excited to talk about that scene. Horrible, yeah. I was also confused immediately when he said, well, how's your girlfriend? He's like, oh, she'll be going out with me by next week. I thought they were talking about the waitress who just left because none of the women have names. They do not know.

No, no. Anyway. No different, different harass victim. Yes. So we get a doodly do here of shitty guy number one. Larry is his name telling the story of the woman. He's harassing it work. And we watch it happen.

Okay. I just want to get a little metaphor a second. Okay. In making this movie, they had one establishing conversation they chose to make a sympathetic to its protagonist, right? They chose one conversation and that conversation will be, so I'm making this woman's live hell with my sexual advances, right? Do you think we're meant to feel sympathy for him?

I do not think they did that work for us because when we learn he's an atheist. Sure. Well, that automatically makes him bad person, but just like I'm not sure that we're supposed to. That's what I'm going to come back to this at the end, but I don't understand the arc of this movie because nobody, or the point of this movie because nobody has a character arc. Like this guy starts out in his asshole and ends up as an asshole who's like confused. So like what are we, what's the point of this? What do we do here? Like are we supposed to feel sympathy

for the guy who's a serial sexual horror asser? Cause it's not as if at the end he's like, oh I'm gonna keep my hands in my words to myself. Like, no. What are we doing here? No, he's gonna learn a much more important lesson about vaguely Christianity, but not that at all. Absolutely not. But yes, this is this, we just watch him harass this woman and then like brag

about it with his buddies at work, being like, she loves me. We don't, do we watch him harass her? Do we just listen to him brag about it? Yeah, it's, they couldn't do that. Oh yeah, find an actress. Like they didn't cast a woman to be this person. And I don't think she is, she has a name either. No, literally not named. And so all we get is this like long walk and talk scene. Like they're in a fucking Aaron Sorkin movie. And they're just talking about how he loves harassing women and how fuck Christians. like end of like it's just so wild

it's and his little like Remlins around him what are his henchmen are Disney villain buffoons. Yeah, they're like cackling you know dark birds on the shoulders of witches that are like okay, you're doing it a little much. A hundred percent. I was getting vibes of the two guys from 101 Dalmatians. Yes. That was my vibe of just like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, get them.

Yeah, say it, kid, hi, you got them this time. Like all they do is hype him up. Like they're fucking, they're actually like,, rabble rabble, like it's constant. Yes, it's ridiculous. Even when they don't know how to support him, right? He'll be like, so I'm harassing her, right? And she says stop and they're like, yeah, stop. But you're, I mean, don't stop.

What do you want us to say? I'm confused. Is this good or bad, man? Dude, just go with the general, ooh, ooh, if you're not sure. So okay, sorry Larry. Ooh, good, good. Oh, yeah, there you go. And again, I just have to point out the Christianity and the Christian film whenever he describes bad behavior, he has to remind us it's because he's an atheist. Oh my God. Right. So just be like, yes. So I'm harassing her, right?

She calls the cops. I try to fight the cops, but they have their knees in my back. Anyways, I'm an atheist. I would like to ask sort of a meta question about this scene from you two who have seen many more movies like this. And sorry, every episode I'm on, I'm going to see this in a feminist lens. So here we go. These guys. Okay. So our main guy, Larry, he is the one who's saying that he's harassing everybody.

And while they're not necessarily being like, hey, do that's fucked up, they're kind of like rolling their eyes behind his back and like, ugh, this idiot. So the read I got from it was, oh, this guy's an asshole and all the other guys know it. They're just not doing anything about it. Right. Well, one of them is a Christian. The one good guy, according to the movie, is his buddy Riley and the doodly do. Who's the one Christian guy at work who's like, you should stop harassing our coworker? She's Christian. Oh, is that who that is? The one who's in his Bible study group? Yes, exactly.

Oh, so it's a Christian is better than this. What I was going to, what I was going to kind of extol is like, I thought, so when I was growing up, I was born in 1985. So in like this era, I'm 14, 15 years old, and that was what I was taught is like, oh, if you just keep asking her out, she'll say, yes, or they're pulling your pegtails because he likes you. And that was the culture I was indoctrinated to. And my understanding was dudes just didn't know that that shit is inappropriate.

That's always how it's been sold to me. Like, oh, nobody's ever taught dudes that like pulling pigtails is bad. Because. And you sure don't have to be taught that. I don't know, it's like, no, we weren't taught that, but we shouldn't need to be taught that. That's insane.

No, no, no, no, no. And you've got to add to that that this is through the evangelical Christian worldview, right? So this isn't even like our shitty upbringing. This is the shittiest form of upbringing when we were kids. Exactly. Exactly. But so I guess my point of confusion, Zen, is in one breath,

in one scene, I guess, they are both telling us that, like, yes, men do serially harass women frequently. It's a huge problem. But the Christian right is also going to disbelieve any woman with allegations of abuse. Yes. So they're portraying this. They know this is the kind of behavior

that predatory men have. Yes. So they're portraying this. They know this is the kind of behavior that predatory men have. Yeah. But they still don't believe women when they say they are victims of said issues. Anyway. And that confusion is actually exemplified in this next scene with the boss, right? Yes. Because it's written by Evangelical Christians. So we have to watch this boss's dialogue,

like be in a fight with itself. Yeah, it's right. Be in the audience. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited to talk about the boss thing, but before we get there, there is a moment that genuinely, like my heart skipped a beat

because he's a Neuriley. I'll pretend I didn't hear that you fake. And I thought he was about to drop some homophobic slurs. And like my heart skipped it. I genuinely thought he was about to like call him the F's learn. I was like, Oh, this just changed. Oh, I feel like that was the fourth time. Yeah, I was going to say like they kept being like, don't don't use a slur. We're getting trouble. You just can't. You got it.

And he just barely made it on like the fifth try. The entire blooper reel of this short film is, oh my God. I just think you're 100% 100%. So yeah, we get the doodly do about the horrible harassment. And then we get later that day, this is still in the doodly do. Larry the atheist, he's doing his job of watching milk and he gets called into the boss's office for a meeting. Okay. I just have to tell I know we're going to get to the boss's office and the insanity that that conversation is, but I just have to point out that the guy who calls him, he's like, Hey, the boss wants to see you. Does the all stare

at the milk cartons for you while you have your beef? It's so funny. It's weird. We get a little glimpse into what that job is besides looking at milk. It's leaning also. There's a lean, yeah, there's like an arm area and he like puts his arm like. So there's like a button, there's like a milk safety button that you look at it and you just like you press stop and your your arms leaning on it. And fortunately for more

than I could tell the and nothing appeared to be on the conveyor belt that he was watching which is fine but you know what credit records to they had matching uniforms which is like more than a lot of these movies can say so. Yep. A lot more than a lot of these films can say. So. Yep. A lot more than a lot of these films can muster. Yeah. Oh, this is the part, the note I left. In this movie, I don't know if we've said, is like 28 minutes long.

And I just left a note. I'm trying to encourage myself to stop pausing because I'm hungry, but I won't eat till I finish this dumb wig movie. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I was so hungry, but I kept pausing. Like I sunk that dumb cellular joke. I sunk 20 minutes into that joke

because I wanted to make sure I was using the right kind of set. Like I was doing anything to avoid hitting play on this movie. It was torture. And then I watched it again today because I'm an idiot. Just a beautiful steak dinner getting cold on a table next to you. Yes, it's not the inside of an audio cassette. Damn it. What is it, Jessica? Okay, so now it's time. And again, I love this so much because Jessica, you set it up so

perfectly, right? These are evangelical Christians. They do rape apology for a living, but we've got to watch their version of a stop sexually harassing your employee conversation. So the boss opens with stop sexually harassing. It's a tight rope that they walk here where we are meant to like write Larry's the bad guy. Eli I think you keep on protagonist counterpoint. I don't think he's the protagonist. I think he's the antagonist. I think Jesus is the protagonist.

He's the person the camera's pointed at. That's very fair. Yeah. That's not what protagonist is. He's atheist. He's definitely the antagonist, yeah. So he comes in, all right, so he walks in the room. And this guy, this boss is saying to our antagonist,

you have to stop harassing this person. We know he's antagonist, so we know it's bad that he's harassing it. But then we have to watch this dude like couch everything of like, hey, just ignore her, just pretend she's not there. There is no talk of like disciplinary, well, actually we'll get to that in a second.

There's no talk of like legal actions, and here's what harassment is and why it's inappropriate in the workplace. Or even that what he's doing is wrong. Yeah. Yeah. It's just that she's complaining. It's not morally or ethically wrong. Look, we all love a little sexual harassment now. And then you just got one of those bros who doesn't like it. Larry, you got to aim for a different target. He's literal response when he says, stop sexually harassing that girl is I'm not bothering anybody. I just wrote my notes.

That is super duper not a denial of sexual harassment. Is the opposite. And objectively not true. He's here because he was actively bothering somebody and she complained about it. It's just not true and any it's right. Okay. And the actual advice from the boss is insane. It's, yeah, he says, technically, I want you to stop harassing this woman. No, but he wants him to do the mic-pence

rule. But yes, right. Don't be in a room with her. Yes, it's, he says, it's, it's, it's not a doing that. Pretend she literally doesn't exist and just never acknowledge her, don't be in the room with her. That's insane. This is the, I don't see color of sexism. No, look, I get it. But here's a little trick that I use to not just invade the privacy and safety of women that I work with. I pretend they're dead. Like, I can't see them like invisible ghosts.

You should try that. Sure, ghost rules. But don't try to walk through them because that's going to be bad too. So we're kind of getting like I say, like the boss is sort of being like the quote unquote good guy here, right? And then he says, lawyers take this seriously and they run with it. So he just showed his cards, right? Oh, it's not that you're worried about this woman's safety and

well-being. It's you're trying to protect your own ass. Cool. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, look, it's not that we're against sexual harassment. It's the legal consequences that bother us. The harassment, you know, whatever. We don't want a bunch of Jewish lawyers walking around in our plant.

It'll fuck up a whole thing. And that's it. That's the whole lesson from this fuck up HR slash boss guy. There is one moment that genuinely unsettled me in a way that I am not excited about. So it's when he says, I'm not bothering anybody. Well, she says that you're harassing her. No, I'm no, I'm well, and he says, well, she says you're doing X Y and C. The girls lying like yells in a way that really scared me.

And it's like, oh, we just watched what happens when a dude tries to be like, oh, we're a boys club. We all do this, right? Women as bitches, blah, blah. Oh, this isn't working. No, she's a liar. She's discredited. Yeah.

Like, this man is slimy as fuck. His reaction is so violently emotional. I thought he was about to be appointed as Supreme Court justice. Woo! Does he like beer, though? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. And then this scene ends on a fucking fantastic line. I love it so much. He's like, hey, just so you know, she has value. She actually works at a computer. You stare at milk and just demonstrated in this movie that you can be easily replaced because we watched someone replace you.

Stop it, you're fired fired and his response is, I have ears. This dude, this boss cast straight at this man. He was like, if you don't stop, let me tell you what, I can get a dozen of you by spitting in this street. This woman has skills. She's valuable to this company. You're a stuffed shirt. I still don't know her name, but she's.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you got yourself a little devil there, which I found horribly inappropriate. Yep. So bad. And then he ends with, again, not, I hear hear you, not I'm going to stop. He ends with I have ears. He does an ear-based comment later that doesn't make sense to me either. We'll get to that. I think I think he just likes throwing, you know, ear-based rejoinders into his stuff. They don't make sense. Larry doesn't have a lot going for him. So at a certain point, he just starts naming his anatomy. I sure. that would that would that describes it. That would make stand fingers tento.

So the doodly do is over. Apparently Larry told the entire story of the HR meeting to the guy's the diner. That was part of his story in the doodly do. And now we're back at the diner with the three idiots. Yeah. And again, this is their first attempt to like, they have no idea how to

encourage him. He's like, yes. So anyways, I sexually harass that lady and the boss pointed out that I'm a worthless person who could be replaced by a literal camera. And they're like, you go, sorry, what? Classic. We're atheists. No, God. Yeah. All three of them are to some extent atheist, not just Larry. That's the other part of this whole diner crew. Well, they don't believe in heaven, as they explicitly say. Immediately after we come out of this Wayne's World Flashback, as soon as you walked out that door, he went in her ass. Yep.

And the three dudes are like, nice, like fucking high, five-ing. And so once again, they're demonstrating that they understand that men will call women a liar downplays what happens, lie to their friends about it, and then retaliate if she reports him. But when someone comes forward to the allegations of this kind, they're like, um, men don't act like this honey. It's science like in, you're creating to watch play out and you're reading. He's horrible, absolutely horrible. And we also get a little bit of harassment of Jackson, the cook slash owner guy, Larry

yells, Hey Jackson, your life is on the line. If this burger isn't well done, like I asked, the food's finally come out. So he yells at it, Jackson. Then Jackson threatened him. He does. He's like, he's that at Jackson. Then Jackson threatened him. He does. Yeah. He's like, he's trying to do that buddy buddy thing. He's like, Hey, Jackson, this better be good. And he's like, I will kill you for a nickel man for a fucking nickel. And he's like, okay, you're my burger.

It was so funny. Yeah. Jackson says your life is on the line tonight, like repeating that line back a little bit. And as in, if you don't stop this bullshit, I will murder you with this grill. Or perhaps, I don't know, some mystical character from religion might show up and affect your life tonight. That's spoilers. Well, that's clearly what they were going for, right? It was supposed to like, wait, what is he saying? What's the line? Your life is on the line?

Yeah, he he else to Jack Larry's like your life's on the line is burgers now well done and Jackson's like your life is actually the one that's on the line tonight. I Have seen the script. Why wouldn't he say your soul is on the line? That would make more sense That would make more sense once again, Jessica. These people need to hire me. I am going to be a Christian movie script doctor. You're covering both sides. You got friendly atheists on one side, little bit of our show. Just a movie script doctor.

You're covering all your bases. I love it. Covering all my bases. No one's going to keep me out of whatever heaven there is. Yeah. And now we get my fucking favorite scene in the movie. This is Jesus. So spoilers, little fucking nickel-backed

GoT. He's Jesus Christ of Nazareth returned to earth, right? Are we all in agreement about that? Yeah. Yeah, we're about to meet that guy. He is Jesus for sure. Right. So this guy runs into a street preacher and you'd think Jesus who has created a system by which people are damned to hell and or sent to heaven based on this man's actions, you'd think he'd be, I don't know, a little more excited to meet a straight richer X-F-T seems as bored and bothered by him as all the rest of us. This man is the definition of a neutral face. Like he has no, I cannot pull it up in my brain.

It has no distinguishing characteristics besides that tiny goatee and just general whiteness. And then he just has dead eyes the whole time. So like on top of the just sort of generic looking white dude thing, everything this guy says, he's just like getting a dead eyed stare. I'm like, yeah. It's just mayo. It's just all mayo. If you make no choices for your character on Tony Hawk Pro Skater, this actor is what comes out. Right? If you just press the A button right away, it's the video game joke. Exactly. You get this guy. But there's this fucking

incredible moment that I'm absolutely going to use. He's like, hey man Do you know about Jesus? And again Jesus is like, yeah, no, I know about Jesus. And he's like, oh Which do you know that he died for you? And he's like, yep, I am aware of that and he's like ah Okay Most people tell me to fuck myself and throw out my pamphlets. I don't really No to do here He's the he's the dog that caught the car. He doesn't know what to do now. Absolutely. Yeah. He actually starts to say like, have you accepted Jesus and Jesus Christ himself is like accepted a man as my Lord and Savior. Yes, yes, I have. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't get a twisted my dude. What? Can I just throw this out there? A little bit of a jerk move if you're Jesus Christ, not to mention it to the street preacher outside. Or like show me him just like gently touching his arm. And then later we see him like that guy being prosperous somehow like love it. There are ways that this could be a movie. Yeah. Yeah. But this is like I won't buy a guy on the street handing out hard copies of my podcast. And I was just like, yes, I'll check this is like I won't buy a guy on the street handing out hard copies of my podcast And I was just like yes, I'll check this out. Thank you and walk away Yes

So Jesus Christ Of Nazareth walks away from a street. He's being mean to the very dedicated Christian guy. Oh, rude at the very least. To be sure. Medium at best. Medium at best. Right. I guess that tracks. Jesus is not really great to Christian people throughout history. So we're going to take a quick break and then we'll see how the Koi Savior bit plays out and act two of late one night.

Now a word from our sponsor better help. Hi, I'm Heathen right. And if you're like me last week or so has been especially stressful. Whatever could you mean? I'll get you a new coffee mug. Anyway, no matter what's stressing you out this week therapy can help. And that's why there's better help online therapy. That's right Heath and Jessica you don't have to be mentally ill for therapy to be useful. It's just an impartial third party to talk with about stress, life stuff, anything you

need. Better help is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat only therapy sessions. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's affordable, financial aid is available, and you can be matched with the therapist in under 48 hours. Plus, Arlesters get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash awful. That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. Here's your new coffee, Jessica.

Sorry. No, it's cool. We started ordering these in bulk for Lucinda in 2016, so. Nice. Ah, another beautiful day of being me. Larry! Good morning, Mrs. Nickelbee. Fuck you, Larry. Uh-huh. Hello there, Mr. Postman. Bite my ass, Larry. Well, good morning, Janine. How's my favorite girl today?

I literally reported you in the hopes of getting you fired. Uh-uh, as usual. Hey, look, Boss Man. How's it hanging? Literally any chance to fire you, man. Just please put your hands and machines or something. Always joking. Uh, excuse me?

Yeah. I just want you to know that Jesus loves you. Wow, this guy's an asshole, am I right? Fuck you. Okay. I'm the protagonist. And we're back. When we left off, Jesus Christ was treating a street preacher like a guy trying to give you a CD and Times Square. And now the savior of humanity is walking into a shitty diner.

So in the fiction of this movie, is this like an Ebenezer Scrooge thing that like Jesus thought he was so evil that he needed to send three ghosts or himself or whatever to teach him a lesson. Like, is that the fiction of this movie? Or is it just genuinely Jesus just wanders into bars and diners across the country and actually United States? I think he was just, he was just hungry. But yeah, like doing the ghosts of Christ, like he is three ghosts, right? So like they can do all three together.

That's true. That's true. Also, like I love the idea that Jesus was like, oh, this is one of my most lost children. I must reach out to him, but his only tactic is getting the shit beat out of him and getting nailed to a piece of wood. So just since they're sadly getting picked on by this guy for the rest of the film. And as soon like it's not so we know why this guy is an asshole right among other things he's a serial sexual harasser and general harasser of people. And so Jesus comes in and is like you should try reading the Bible my dude. Yeah. You can't say hey respect women in their space

in their privacy. Like this is just the way how like rape isn't in the 10 commandments and that's how I know 10 commandments are fucking worthless. Like there are things you guys could fix and regulate and you just opted out. So your plan sure is go sit order a chicken sandwich and get yelled up by a dude. Fine. Yeah. Cool. Jesus. Great use of your time.

To be clear, what the creator of the universe decides to talk about with this known sexual arouser is you should read the Bible. Jesus is coming back soon. End of conversation. And he just, okay, here's the problem I have with this and like Christ people pitching Christianity in general is they just say, just read the Bible. Like, do they want me to start at Genesis and read all the way through? Because that is not

a good marketing campaign for Christianity. You cannot be like, it'd be like if I was like, oh, you know, it's really good. The Harry Potter series. Here's it all bound into one giant home. Have fun. Enjoy it. Here's JK Rowling's tweets. Start with those.

So this dude sits down and our man Larry, like does the serial, like he's really treating that Jesus like a, the way he would treat a woman who has drawn his eye or I was like, hey, what's your name? What's your name? And then yells at him about the burger and this like fucking Jackson comes out and Larry is like, he wants a burger

and it's like, what are you doing sir? This is not how you conduct yourself in public. You know, yell over people like this. You some kind of atheist calm down. See, this is where the alternate take on this character entered my mind that like maybe Larry's not a sexual harasser. Maybe this is literally the only way he knows how to interact with all human beings.

I think that theory holds water. Yeah, I wanted to flash kind of him at the post office being like, oh, hey, that Mr. Post Box. Do you want this? Let dude, it's made of metal. I find here. I'll put it in. What's your name? Just so strange. And then he's got like fucking crab and goil behind him just like everything he says is like, yeah, you tell Larry. Yeah. Like it's so strange and it feels like, it's just so straight. I can't understand it. Also, he does my favorite thing where he yells, I'm just trying to be friendly. The worst thing a human man can say he yells, I'm just trying to be friendly. Like at worst.

The worst thing a human man can say. Yeah, I'm just trying to be friendly is never that sentence. No one has ever said and meant that, right? They're always either backing away from or creeping towards a victim at that point. Same with I'm just trying to give you a compliment, say. And the next thing he's going to say is I thought this was America, is this not America? That's happening next. Maybe a flag or a gun is coming out.

Maybe both. And then Jesus gets up and they all start narrating what he's doing. Did you catch that? Yes. He stands up and the guys are like, where's he going? Where's he going? Is he leaving? No, no, he's not leaving.

And like, this is so weird. I thought he was coming to sit down at their table, which again is a better movie. Look at this guy. He's walking in a diner. Idiot walking in the diner. Fucking bathroom. But this does bring up the question, does Jesus go take a shit at this point in the movie? It had to be a number one.

I had to be a number one. I had to be a number one. You think it was a what? I, okay, I think it was a doose. No, Jesus did not come down from heaven to take a shit in a terrible diner. Get your head on straight. Now I'm picturing him in the back of the car, God is driving and he's like,

do you want to take a shit before you go down to the diner to save that guy's soul? No, I'm fine. Why don't you start going down to the diner and save that guy's soul. He won't be able to stop. Deal. Okay. So Jesus, I'm sure, you know, the person on earth shits.

He uses the bathroom. But Jesus is now like the ghost who cook. Do you think he's using restrooms in this form? This is that was my question. Is there any chance you guys might be overthinking this? I think I'm thinking about this. Just the right of it. This is all I want to think about about this form. This is that was my question. Is there any chance you guys might be overthinking this? I think I'm thinking about this just the right of it. This is all I want to think about about this move. Okay. All right. Fine. Okay. So if he comes down to earth, he would not come down with a full body, right? So I think he would have to happen once he ate, then he would step sequently.

Have to ship, but I don't think he like appears and is like ready to drop a juice immediately. I feel like if Jesus like embodied ala sword mouth with a full colon, there'd be like a a Turs email to the angels, right? He'd be like, Hey, guys, not to complain or anything. Love the body, but I can't help but notice that the colon was full when I materialized was slightly inconvenient, got robbed, love JC. And then he sends a, the body back with a sticker. It says be kind rewind.

I was the only joke I could think of about making sure it's not full of shit when he gets it next time. That's excellent. I'll work out stuff and get back to you. Oh, no. Guys, there will be an addendum to this episode of the podcast, scam 360B. It will be out in a couple of weeks

with Jess's best takes on a bit. I'm gonna sell an annotated copy of this so I can explain all my jokes and where they came from and how long I took to think them up. The Heathen writes. Yeah. The answer is always no time at all because everything I say is just garbage comes out of my mouth. Go ahead. Oh, the Elibosnik story.

I see that one. That was what you're up. Yeah, I'm in the right place for this. Yeah, exactly. You're you're in a safe space here, both for over and under thinking. So Jesus goes to number one or number two, something, the bathroom. And Larry decides he's gonna steal the wallet from this guy,

goes into the jacket, he doesn't find a wallet. He finds a Jesus pamphlet from the street preacher outside. So he takes that and goes and sits back down. So you think he was trying to steal from him? My raid was that he was just trying to figure out who this dude was and was just snooping in just a general ass holeery way. But I mean, who fucking knows? I feel like he would have stolen too.

Maybe, yeah, maybe he just wanted to find out the guy's name because he asked the name and he couldn't get it earlier and that's his only mode of interaction. Or maybe again, he's a sociopath who just not observe our human customs of what's appropriate behavior and not unclear. We got to go. Well, Steven, who I read your name from your license. Now I have a position of power. Now I've got you from Oklahoma, I see.

Oh, or tornado is threatening you. from Oklahoma, I see. Oh, I'm going to have a tornado. It's threatening you. How is Tulsa this time of year? That hand, hand the love. This has just been you talking the whole time. You can, you can, I haven't injected. Did you want to do another few?

Or you guys go, I wanted Jesus to react to the crazy talking more from Larry. He does not. He does not. He does not in a really disappointing way. Yeah. No. Jesus kind of acts like an adult who comes to your school to explain that the best way to avoid bullying He's to ignore the bully in the scene and it's one of his many failed messages to kill him with kindness. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So what I like about this, first of of all is Larry's fucking golden joke of That's his name Jesus Like plays himself he is doubled over at how clever he is

Yeah, and then the movie kind of transitions into like what I was sort of envisioning is like a high school one Act play because all of a sudden you have people sort of like arrange around our little like stagnant set. And I just thought if these people had any gumption at all, they would have like filmed this all and one take like they did with like rope or that one episode of Honton Abile House and just like, yeah, it's just a follow camera. It's like a play. The tension is rising, but instead, again, I'm the movie I'm imagining my head is so much better. Yeah, that's great We got the David Lynch version of this movie. Then we'll get the Alfred Hitchcock version of this movie

It's gonna be great. Yeah, I'm into it. I'm into it. Then the Mike Flanagan version and every any monologues all the time and or it's exactly my shit Yeah, great. I'm in God Mike Flan and fucking rules. He's right. Just any excuse. Okay. So this is when yeah, he names Jesus Jesus and he loves the joke he's just made. And then he reads the pamphlet like in Jesus's face, he's sitting down over at the booth, Jesus is at the counter, but he like to continue his awesome prank starts reading that pamphlet

out loud. That was his, that was his prank. That was his banter, I guess, at this point. Yeah. His bullying is, hey, I stole your Jesus pet. Oh, you probably got this for free. Yeah. I will say this is maybe the only realistic portrayal of an atheist in this movie is the idea

of like grabbing a religious pamphlet and like snickering about it with your friends. But I would never do it in front of somebody who subscribes to that religion because I have a pathological need to be liked. And that would not drive with that. So see now you're in the wrong place again, Jessica. You're in a safe way. We would have we would tie a person to a chair and do it in front of the mom. we would tie a person to a chair and do it in front of them. I'm just, listen, I'm in Michigan now.

I also must be liked and nice to everybody. Yes, I am. It's the Midwesterner learning. You just have to. I'm in Jersey. Yeah, you're giving, fuck if anybody likes you. You're like, I fucking dare you to like me.

Try it. See what happens. I'm sure you have loves. Yeah, exactly. So this is where they begin their back and forth, right? And he's like, hey, are you a Christian? Or yes, I'm if he's religious. And he's like, no, I'm not religious,

which is a very weird thing for Jesus to say. Yeah. Why? I'm trying to figure out how they would say. Yeah. Why? I'm trying to figure out how they would have justified that. Why wouldn't he, why would he say no? It's not a religion, it's a relationship with himself. I guess. Yeah, I guess if you're God.

If you're saying I'm a Christian, that's not a religion, that's just what you're supposed to be because it's the reality. I think that's what he's going for. Yeah, but like if I'm the God in my religion, I would still describe myself as religious because the religion is pretty important to me because it's how I got all my power And then we get Larry's first attempt at a burn here. He goes, so are you a hippo? What a hippo crit gang? Oh boy

My skeleton shot out of my body and safely under the moon because that made me so second-hand embarrassed that somebody wrote that and somebody read that and somebody filmed that and somebody put that on TV. Because hippos the first two films. And then somebody uploaded it to the internet, yeah. Are you a hippo, man? Hippo crit. Which again, okay. somebody uploaded it to the internet? Yeah. Are you a hippo, man? Hippo crit? Which again, okay, so here's the thing about,

he keeps saying that Christians are Hippo crits, but he's very vague about what that means. So when we, you know, in our sort of girls when we talk about like Christian hypocrisy, it has to do with like, choosing a hypothetical religion over like actual people's lives and, you know, choosing to persecute people based on some imaginary concept

that you've decided on in your head. But in this movie, he is just like, sorry, a phony or a hypocrite or a fake. And it's like, what? A fake what? He hasn't said anything about what he believes or what he does or what he stands for. You can't be, if one of you, if like a stranger came over to my house,

I wouldn't be like, you don't believe in anything, because they haven't told me anything about themselves. What are you a nihilist? No, I just haven't started talking yet. So are you religious? No. Well, here's what I know. Your religion is done. Like, who, do I need to be here for this? Like, are you just doing a monologue? Yes, Larry could be bullying a cardboard cutout with the same ferracity as he is bothering.

And like, okay, here's what I would love. I don't know if you guys keep track of things like this, but this sort of your stereotypes in a Christian movie, like this sort of reverse straw man argument that Christian movies put on atheists. So he says, the problem with Christians is the Bible isn't real to you, man. And I don't know what that means.

Yeah. What is he accusing them of? What is he like, lauding himself for? I don't understand. I don't think he knows, right? The movie doesn't know right away. Eventually, I think they accidentally kind of fall backwards into the idea that, okay, Christians don't actually believe what it says in the Bible if they did and they really

thought me an atheist was going to go to hell forever, they'd try harder to convert me. Right? Right. He was just like an oldgelent thing, I guess. Yeah, he finds his way there eventually. But that's not what he's saying. No, the first two stops along the way are like,

you know what I hate about Christians? Is your two handsome and handsome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your penises are too big and your women get too many orgasms. He's terrible. It's like he's being asked his weakness in an interview.

He's like, I care too much. I work too hard. I'm a perfectionist. Oh my God. Love Jesus. The Bible ain't real to you, man. Like, it's just, it's a nothing statement. It means nothing.

And also when he like fucking got into this dude's face over the flight of dot, dot, dot, sitting down in the same restaurant as him or whatever. Yes. He gets up in his face and I just thought the greatest trick that man ever pulled was pretending that anger isn't an emotion. So when they call him emotional, they're like, yeah, you all have controller emotions and they punch a wall and they're like, that's not an emotion. So when they call women emotional, they're like, yeah, you all have control of emotions and they punch a wall and they're like, that's not an emotion. That's just a bit of an illness. Yeah. He's, he manages to, again, Jesus never answers any of these questions, but somehow Larry manages to work himself up into a screaming fervor where he's screaming an inch from the

guy's face, am I going to hell when I die? Jackson comes out, right? And like, sees what's happening, sees one of his customers screaming at a complete stranger who he might assume will tip and just goes like, oh, I'm sorry about him. And I was like, I want to be a jerk to Jackson here, but run your restaurant. Don't let your customers just attack Randos who walk through your door. Yeah, there are a few moments in this when Larry should have been physically restrained by many people. And everybody is just kind of a leaden at role and seeing what happens. Like, let's just want to just play out. I want to see it all the guys. Yes. He's terrified. He needs to go to jail now.

Yeah, this is going to need to be in jail immediately. Like truly, they need mandate reporters at this place. That poor woman who complained about him and his Bible in her Bible study class. We need mandate reporters all over the place, you guys. This is not okay. Right. So it's just this man, a monster. Also, you mentioned the reverse straw man argument thing, which yes, they

absolutely did. And then they also do just to straight up straw. It like the people who made this movie are like, all right, well, what are what are atheists like? We were having an atheist antagonist. Let's get that going. And the thing they landed on, I just wrote this to remind myself, the movie thinks that atheist means like angry milk factory worker ruining a nice night at the waffle house for Jesus Christ. That's what they wrote. Yep.

Which like, Leverton Shirley worked at a milk factory. Like they were perfectly happy and had thriving social lives. I don't understand why this guy is blaming the milk factory and everything. Yes. Do Leverton Shirley jokes work in the year of our Lord 20? Oh, yeah. Work for me. Don't work.

Our audience, you again, you're back. You're in a safe space here with your Leverton Shirley jokes, Jessica. Just don't say that people run out of hospice days and you are safe in our audience's hands. All right. Great. Okay. So that insane interaction is over. Larry sits back down and his friends again

are like, nice, you're asked that guy. So atheistically, good job, atheism. Hey, you know, another, we just mock that guy for his religion. Do you want to just sort of go around and share our feelings about the atrocious? That's what happens here. They have a moment of atheist doubt. I just... So Larry says, you guys going to hell, I'm not going to hell, and the rest of them are like, pfft, there's no hell, right? Right?

Right? Right? It's like a scary movie where the popular kid turns to the attractive girl to be like, come on, everyone knows how it's in houses are for you. Oh my God. And then they basically do like that push pull zoom on Larry's face where he starts doing this

like what is clearly his audition monologue? I'm like, is hell real? People are down there and there's so many of them and they're screaming and they can't get out. Are they screaming? They can't get out. Like this motherfucker spirals so quickly. He needs a mood stabilizer.

Stats. Yes. This man needs to be medicated. Just a little lexaprofrillerie baby. Yeah. And so it also, the thing about these moments in Christian movies is like it is putting literally putting the fear of God into our hearts and putting the fear of hell in our hearts. And then they like always have this moment of like, oh my God, hell is real real and it's

scary because the only way the Christian church knows how to get people into a church is by bullying them and threatening them apparently. So when he's realizing this and he's like, oh my God, it sounds terrible. I'm like, yeah, Doug, it is fully fucked up to teach people that this is the result, this birding, this hell is a result of not following their laws to the letter, including sock crimes, and this would be the result. You'll go to hell.

So kids have zero impulse control, and they're gonna hear this week after a week. And so what happens when they cut class or have a crush on a boy or cheat on a math test like everybody does as children, but they every time they do one of these, it's been drilled into their head that well, now you're going, you have sacrificed your eternal soul for all time because you were late home from curfew. Yeah. And my favorite thing about these moments in the movies, right, where they try to do the scary hell monologue, is there's always got to be a moment where they don't acknowledge how fucked up their worldview is. Yeah. Right. So like you said, Larry's doing his Oscar

bit, right? They're burning and screaming at the flame and the terror for your consideration. And then he's just turns to him and he's like, a good and normal way to think about the world. I definitely want to subscribe to that fun notion, actually. Sign me up. Where's that Bible you keep talking about? Right. Because keep in mind that if that was anything else, right? If you do that monologue about anything else except religion, they gently put you into

a street jacket and gave you the help they need. Yeah. Truly. He needed it so bad. Yeah, he actually reads the pamphlet here. That's how they present this. We get to watch Larry. We get to watch a Christian actor playing Larry, try to act like an atheist who's acting

like he's not scared of the hell pamphlet that it's slowly occurring to him. So he's like nine levels in and he's very confused. He doesn't know what to do. And he's just reading it being like, what, you know, we're all sinners. What if there is a hell hold on? Wait a second. Right.

It's almost literally wait a minute. Yeah, just like that. And then all three of them just like look at each other at the same time and we get, we get some really silly music too. We get spooky music. It's like, yeah music. Just like these three piano keys know what you did last summer.

You're fucking Catholic school middle teacher dressed as the devil could be cackling in a mirror and it would make, it would be as serious as this music is. I have written down in my notes that he says nine out of 10 church people in hell are church members. Did either of you clock that? Yes. That is what he said. Have you is that a thing people say? Is that like a known thing? No, I think that's a no G Larry original As an atheist, I just announced that to diners full of people. Whenever I go to Denny's, basically, I'm like 90% of Alice Christian people because obviously. And just the way he delivered it, I didn't know how he felt about the fact that because

at first he was like kind of snide about it and that what is this movie? Why did I spend so much of my- It just seems to me that all he is saying is even if you go did I spend so much of my... It just seems to me that all he's saying is even if you go to church and do all of these things, you have a 90% chance of still ending up in hell, and you don't even get to fuck on earth. So like, what are we doing here?

They don't know. Jesus Christ of Nazareth doesn't know what to say at that point. He just looks over and he's like, fuck yeah, it's probably a lot of people in hell. So they would say they're Christian. Is it Jehovah's Witnesses who have the 144,000 people in heaven rule? Is it Jehovah's Witnesses?

That's the J-Hoves. Oh, there's a hard limit. Yeah. It's like Bitcoin? Did you not know this? Yeah. Or it's not like Bitcoin. It's like Iota.

Listen, I've gone the last five years, not understand what Bitcoin was, and now that it's gone You cannot make me learn it now Heath you've never made our podcast a less safe space than when you tried to Relate to Bitcoin So it's like my dude read the room. Okay Give me a horse metaphor Do it horses do it it horses, and then lead

us into the third act. Horse metaphor. So horses. No, no, imagine if all the horses were on one long chain. It's like money made of horses. Yeah. Okay. So in terms of this actual movie, I'm not even sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, there was a slight shift in momentum for these atheist milk people kind of snuck up out of nowhere. So no, it didn't. It was really obvious. Was it not so? I thought it's not. There's music to remember the music to we're talking about the music. It's super. Remember the music. Again. okay. It's again. Okay.

I'm so sorry. Well, the really, really obvious thing that happened. You're confused again. Okay. Sorry. You read it was pretty obvious. I need to reexamine my worldview as an atheist. So I'm going to need a quick break.

But first, let me give act three, the hard sell. Will rational arguments from the atheism diner team win the day with Jesus Christ? Will Jesus leave a pamphlet instead of a tip? Will we get to watch Jackson beat Jesus Christ to death with a spatula and make me very happy for that moment? Find out the answer to these questions and more.

No, he won't, you know, when we return for the scattered, smothered, and covered conclusion of late one night. It's a waffle house reference. I had to watch a John Wick movie about Jackson finally lose you shit. Yeah. Right. Where's that kick starter?

Hey, Jessica. Yes, Eli. Would you ever wear headphones while riding a horse? Probably not. Well, what have I told you? There was a wireless earbud made especially for horse riding. Raycon wireless earbuds. That seems super specific.

No, no, no, no, no. They sound incredible. Raycon's everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever. With optimized gel tips for the perfect in-ear fit, these earbuds are so comfortable, and they will not budge. Trust me. Plus, Raycon's offer three sound profiles

to match what you're listening to. Plus, noise isolation and awareness mode, so you can choose between being immersed in sound or being able to hear your surroundings when you need to. So you can hear a horse if it does its mating call. Horses don't have mating calls. I, Heathenwright, personally use my racons when I'm walking around, working out, or even longboarding, and I personally recommend them.

Raycons give you eight hours of playtime and a 32 hour battery life. Then, when you need to charge, it's super easy. You can even do it wirelessly. And this is a huge selling point with Raycon's. You get the same quality audio as other premium audio brands, but at half the price. Yes, really. So check out Raycon's wireless earbuds. My guess is that you're going to want to leave them a five-star review.

Go to buyraycon.com slash gam today to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's buyraycon.com slash g a m to score 15% off by raycon.com slash gam ray cons horse headphones for horses and the people who ride them. You like you might not get paid for this ad? The truth will out Jessica. Excuse me, sir. Do you know that Jesus loves you? Why, yes, I do. And you know, he died so that you could live forever. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I do.

Okay. And do you know, if you dedicate your life to him, you can live by his side forever in heaven each time. I do know that. Yes, I am saved and I have dedicated my life to him, you can live by his side forever in heaven each time. I do know that. Yes. I am saved and I've dedicated my life to Christ. Shuh. Great. Okay. Wonderful. Sorry. I, I have no idea what to do at this point. Nobody ever said, uh, all yeses before it. And my questions sure, sure. I bet. Yeah.

You want to do some heroin? Yeah. That's heroin. Okay. Awesome. Awesome. We can talk about Jesus while we do the heroin together Already know about Jesus man, right? Sorry, we got just the heroin then. Yep, great And we're back when we left off it was very subtle very subtle, but the word of God from that pamphlet might have made Larry start thinking. So he yells at Jackson to hurry up with the chicken sandwich, so Jesus can do some more saving and they can talk some more.

Yeah, and Jesus is finally gonna speak up. This is where he tells everybody that sinners are spiritually dead. Oh, yes. This starts because this starts because Larry says, yeah, Jesus is going to get some people newborn, right? This is the first time Jesus actually says something kind of a little bit speak up. He's like, it's born again. He's super fun. Which the reverse joke was extremely stupid.

Like that's not what the hate reminds me of when like people try to write fake ransom notes and they're like, oh, I'll miss a misspell inevitable. That will shoot them off the track. Like that's truly what it just felt like to me. Yeah. This is how they misunderstand us.

They use random words for things that are unrelated. Gotcha. We just again. Right. Right. Yeah. And the table of atheists, they're all like, what's born again? What's bible?

Yeah. It's more of that. It's more of that nonsense. I also left myself a note. Hi, it's me from 30 minutes later. It got dark and I got new laptop. And I couldn't bear how to turn on the backlit keyboard. Anyway, I had hopes for tonight.

And it's fucking 9 p.m. This is interminable. This is a 31 minute runtime This is interminable. This is a 31 minute runtime that was interminable. Yes. You I could not believe how long it felt so long. Okay, the way he describes is that literally what they mean by born again. Is that where it is like basically ghosts walking around in like human shells without a soul? Okay. I'm so glad you asked that.

We're born sinners that are soulless until we get born again. I think that's what they're claiming. Well, I tried to look this up. I was like, that can't possibly be what born again means. So I googled, what does born again mean? And turns out there are as many answers as there are denominations of Christianity. Well, that's right. And they're all pretty sure they've got the one definition.

So you're born again. What is the functional difference between like being a born again Christian and like getting confirmed to the Catholic church? Are you still like relinquishing your sins or whatever? Great question. It depends who you ask on that one because some of those people are saying the other ones are going to hell for sure. All of the people are saying that the other ones are going to hell for sure.

Yeah. But anyways, he gets them with his, their spiritually dead Zinger, and then he's like, okay, but what about the people who are jumping around on TV? And Jesus is like, they're stupid. And that's where I was like, okay, movie. What side are you on? Because I'm pretty sure. What is our point of view movie?

Jesus is looking for a nice, quiet dedication of soul to him. At one point, Jesus says, you know, most people, it's really sad. Yeah, everybody's born a sinner. Most of them don't even know they're going to hell if they don't get born again. And then Larry is like, hey, doesn't it? Doesn't it make God a giant asshole? And Jesus Christ has to be like, ah, I'm going to answer a different

question because this is a cut. Can we cut the fuck's up the movie, dude? What do you do? His response is literally, you should read the book of John from the Bible. He truly was like, just read the Bible, my dude. And it's like, it's so long and dense and stupid and has just apparently shoved wherever I've stoke along. Yeah. The placement of the Oves is really powerful. I'm a writer that's all I bring to the table.

So if somebody's going to abuse the English language, have a bad point of view, no, not on my watch. Jessica, don't you put yourself down like that? You bring LeVern and Shirley references. You bring putting heath down for bringing up Bitcoin. You bring so much to this podcast. No one talks about Jessica like that on this show, not even Jessica. So then he says that all the denominations and Christianity are meaningless, which again made me very much ask who this movie is fucking for.

Yeah, I don't know what kind of like medium Christian that also believes in damnation is the long tail marketing for this film. But this is where Larry's, this is we get Larry's greatest zinger. He's like, yeah, all the denominations are meaningless. And Larry goes, what was that? I can't hear you. I have something in my ear. End of roast. That's it. I can't hear you. Wait, I missed missed that I was so confused. I was like oh What's in his ear? Are they gonna address? Never never that was just a snappy ear-based rejoinder like I was talking about before that was Larry being like can't hear you I watch this movie twice and missed it both times

Can you get something in my ear everybody do the oo-oo thing please now? No, God, I, no. God, anybody. God, I'm there. It is. Thank you. Thank you. High five. Okay. And I have another item for our list of like atheist, Strauban reverse, Sraman bullshit. Oh, I'm ready. It's when Larry says, when I die, I'll be standing next to God.

And like my brother in Christ, this is now it is. It's the way we're not mad at God. Not believe it in something means we believe it's not real. I don't believe in the truth, Mary, because I learned it's not real, not because I was mad at Brianna. I got five dollars for her tooth and I only got one. That's not how history worked. You know, like when I grow up and I can stay up as late as I like, I'm gonna confront that to a fairy and tell her, just a little, I believe in her. To a fairy needs to learn how inflation works,

you really need to buy, and whatever. This far no further, to a fairy. Hahaha. Also, true false. Larry's like one, let's go brand and bumper sticker away from calling Jackson Boy or something. Sure. Yes. Again, like I said,

he is rude to Jackson in a way that feels so racist. And I'm not sure if it's supposed to be racist or just the fact that he is like treated a black man poorly, just kind of reads even worse. Yeah. Boy, I want to watch Jackson like finally loses my none there and I do not condone violence. And yet, if there's okay, see, and you're back out again. Here I was defending you. That cutting love and you welcome you into this space. This is a violent space. You're the friendly ones. We're the unfriendly ones. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I'll get myself in line.

Just name which Supreme Court Justice you would kill first first like if you could get away with it. Amy Coneybearer. No, man. Really fast. Oh, I thought about a lot. I'm not, I Hey, CIA or whatever this joke. I'm actually not gonna murder anybody. I don't even think I could go hunting. But I've actually thought a lot of, oh, actually, okay, so I'm not for me. So I'm torn between Clarence Thomas. Just just for like just the moral vengeance of it all, because he is just a nightmare human. But I just think for me, practical standpoint, Amy Coon Barrett is the youngest.

She's like 28, I'm not 28, Joe. I was too, Joe tried to make and neither of them work. But she's so young. She's going to outlive me on that Supreme Court. So like, yeah, let's open up that seat. I don't need this con fucking with my uterus for the next 50 years of my life. Love it. Love it. Can I say content or show? Oh, you say whatever the fuck you want on that show. I just really like that. Yeah, don't worry. Noah absolutely started the cut after you said Amy, Connie Barrett, so don't even worry to turn him in, TripDong.

Yeah. You want to address? They put it on TikTok and I have it right here, my safe folder. I love Jen and Z. Like, they, oh boy, they're gonna, I know it's both of them. Talks him up. Yeah. It's a roll right. I know it's what it's like. Yeah. Kids are all right. I know it's bullshit till they're

not younger people to rescue us, but I did my best. You guys dox them into Olivia now or I'm tired. You kids do. I'm so tired. Save me. I have knee problems like we just.

Yeah. It's just not, I can't anymore you guys. Yeah. Okay, so at this point, Larry calls another time out on the crazy argument with Jesus and team atheism huddles up again in their little booth so they can talk through the new information they just got about being born again.

They like actually huddle up and they're like, all right, what's going on? What are we saying next? It is as though they've just lost a karate fight to Mr. Miyagi Trying to talk through their next letter of attack. All right. We need to learn how to sweep the leg. What are we doing? What's going on? Yeah? I will say my favorite part of this terrible movie comes up in this part. They give me a Little poultice called a dangling modifier joke

a little poultice called a dangling modifier joke. And boy, oh boy, this is your favorite part of the movie. We love dangling modifier jokes. And this family, the joke is as follows a heaven. They were asking about like, oh, is Jesus coming back? And he said, oh, John said he's coming back soon. When, tomorrow, Jesus coming back tomorrow? No, John told me tomorrow. It's like, first of all, that joke didn't work. Wait, how did it work?

It did not. Because he said Jesus is coming back. Oh yesterday. When did he tell Jesus is coming back yesterday? No he told. Okay, the joke doesn't work. Sorry guys. It's okay. It's okay. They fail. It's the movies fault and not yours. It's okay, it's okay. They failed. It's the movie's fault and not yours. It's the movie's fault. No, it was like, when is Jesus coming back? Riley told me Jesus is coming back. When, today, Jesus is coming back today. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no day. Yeah. That's the bit. That's the joke. We got it. Everybody got that. They nailed it. They nailed it. Zip, be fair to the movie. They nailed that. Okay. At least you're in total. Yeah. But then he

brings it over to Jesus. He's like, Hey, when is Jesus coming back? And again, the movie tries to take itself seriously. He's like soon there will be trouble and lies and upsetting in this. You guys know scorpions and fucking locusts and horses? I know that's confusing, it's gonna be rough, yeah. Okay, listen, Larry and his henchmen, if they had a look of sense between the three of them, you need to stop fucking with the skinny white dude with a serial haircut and like 60% of a goatee who is quietly speaking in proverbs and addages

that are getting increasingly dark and intense in violin. This man is about too snap and you know he has an AK or whatever on him somewhere. If this wasn't a Christian movie, he's wearing Larry's skin as a coat by the end of it. Oh boy. And then of course Larry says, it's just a scare tactic, which again,

Jesus goes, you should be scared. And I wanted so badly for Larry to be like, yeah, that's what I said. Is this a scare tactic? Yeah, it's scary. It's supposed to be scary. He also talks a lot about, Larry also talks a lot about, it's just a business, it's scary. It's supposed to be scary. He also talks a lot about Larry also talks a lot about it's just a business It's just a scam which is true and also they don't really

You at all. No not at all. So it's just a little peak of self-awareness here I think that we're seeing in the church maybe absolutely Larry's like Melon is a scam is just to make Everybody's just out to make a buck. You're trying to scare us into giving money. Jesus has a moment to respond there and he's like, Jesus is real. I'm not disputing the thing.

He's like, ha ha ha. Boy. We're offering a really good deal this month. What was Jesus supposed to be teaching them? He just like tells them about like, shit that most people know, right? Like you go to any church and they can tell you X Y and Z

Why isn't this Jesus magical in any way or like why doesn't Jesus reveal something to Larry that puts context into like the Abusee suffered as a child or whatever like What is the point of this movie? Just have him do a fucking card trick. Anything something pops up in his check your wallet for the pamphlet like anything like that. Do a caraway and also needs drinking wine. What we don't serve wine here. What I know. It's just like it's not hard. Yep. It's not hard, but they still manage not to land it. Nevertheless, but that's okay because at long last, Jesus' chicken sandwich is here.

Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, also they keep saying the truth will make you free. That's not the expression, guys. Nope. I believe it's set. That's not the expression. I believe it's set.

What are you doing? Why don't you dangle another fucking modifier assholes? Soon the truth is of the freeness of you. Yeah, the truth will set up free. It might as well audibly leave out an Oxford comma at this point. Yeah, I'm furious. Somehow leave that out audibly. I don't know.

I feel like you must know I have an Oxford comma to you. Do you? Yeah, sure go. Yeah, the love connection on this episode. We started his friends. You guys are both doing you are our sister now. Yeah, okay, we're going to actually they're going to try to finish the movie and they they won't it's the best. The movie is going to try to end itself and it won't be able to do anything It's amazing. It's not resolved

So the chicken sandwich is up and Jackson is like hey Larry You got to take a quick time out on screaming at the stranger at my counter, please and then Larry's like he was preaching to me You start like to have this whole You finally sits back down, Jesus is about to start eating. And then Larry gets right back up and he's like, why aren't you sharing any fucking food with us if you're Jesus, if you're all Christian?

Oh, my God, I forgot about this. And just starts to fuck. It's like fully fucking with his food. Oh yeah, he picks it up and like throws it back on the plate. It's insane. What's great about it is it's supposed to be this like incredibly climactic moment, right? Where he ruins Jesus' chicken sandwich. But also they only had one chicken sandwich to work with.

So it was very obvious that he was too rough with the chicken sandwich at the first second. They were like, Hey, Gary, okay. That's the only chicken sandwich we've got to the set. So and yes, Steve or whoever was like, I'm gonna eat this at the end. I ordered this from it's this is mine. Yes, literally just my lunch. Could you guys fucking chill out? Got this on door.

Yeah. So he ends up in the scene. This big climactic ruining Jesus' lunch moment. He just sort of like gingerly picks the sandwich up and then puts it back down. One of the things that I noticed about this is the character development. You know, you introduce the character, their speech, their clothes, their hair, all tells, you know, the audience gives you signals about who this person is and all this stuff. Of course.

And all the writers of this movie did to like demonstrate that these men were like low class or whatever, was just have them say ain't got all the time. Yep. And they're like, yep, nailed it. Fucking control S, a good J's work as usual. Mm-hmm. Like that's all they did. They're like, okay, okay, okay.

There's lots of ways we can do this. We have that like says something, we can like, the way they talk, what they drink, what they eat could all indicate this. No, no, no, just the word ain't. No, I think we're just gonna have them say ain't got and people will kind of get it. Just ain't got and like heavy use of ellipses

when they're talking. Exactly. They're like, they're in our ads. They're like, what's born again? Like so many of those. Yeah, these dummy theists don't know anything. Right. So they ruined his sandwich.

He goes back to sit at the table. There's this moment of tension. And I want to know if you guys felt the same thing. Jesus like gets up real slow and puts on his jacket and walks over to the table. And honestly, if this movie had ended with Jesus Christ of Nazareth, just beating the shit out of these three factory workers, I might love this movie and become Christian. Four stars. We recommend.

Thank you. Fine holiday fun. But no, instead he goes, how old will you be in 100 years? Okay, what the fuck does this mean? God, this is so, it's so clumsily written, right? What he means is you're going to die. Yeah, right, you're gonna be in hell or heaven

and you don't know yet where that will be. Yes. But instead the dialogue is this, how old do you 32? How will you be in 100 years? Pause. 132. Oh, yeah. No, no, but there's literally a pause while the actor is like, Carrie 1232. Also, this man is 45. he said day he's got 32. No, he's not 32. He looks like fucking toad from X-Men. That's what he looks like. Yeah, like just toad like put on a disguise so he can hang out with the normies because that's like a really shitty wig. Yeah. So then they then they have what I think is the best back and forth of the movie where he's like, God loves you and he starts to walk away. The music starts to swell.

And he's like, no, he doesn't. He's like, yes, he does. No, he doesn't. Yes, he does. These characters, I counted five repetitions of no, he doesn't. Yes, he does. That's 10 lines back and forth that don't change. It's just that. I have about to evolve into a, uh, uh, like, I thought that

was going to be the end of what we're doing. I thought it was going to turn to a bug's bunny trick where he doubles up and then he's like, yes, he does. Fuck. Okay. Okay. Goddamn it. I literally thought I had accidentally hit the back 30 seconds button on my iPad. I was like, there's no way they repeat it that often. There was a couple of moments that they repeated lines verbatim that I thought I had gotten slightly too high and was confused again. Yeah, I hate that kid. That's just the echo from earlier in the movie.

Yeah, there's like, and there's call comics to like, it's just very strange. It's a very strange movie. Yeah, but he's, yes, he doesn't know he does. And this is again, Larry's second Oscar bid. He's like, oh, yeah, what if God loves me? How come my aunt's such a hard childhood and no girl wants to fuck me? And remember, and she, by the way,

Jesus is answer is to walk out silently. That's it. It's the best. So yeah, Larry's screaming about his sad life, trying to bring up the problem of evil here. And he clearly improvised grabbing Jesus by the coat and getting right up his face. And his face got way too close.

And the Jesus actor clearly could not stop laughing. Like, yep, in the shot, we see him being like, you're an idiot. This is stupid movie. Yeah. I have a few notes on this particular scene, first of all. Give us those notes. I need those notes. They let Larry verbally assault this man for so long before stepping in to pull them apart. Yep, the whole movie. Also, the out of all these movies, how many times do you say the atheist's father walked out on him? Oh, wow. Yeah, no, that's a thing goes on where for sure. That's how atheism happens. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, because your man at God, I forgot. Talks about like scrubbing toilets, which like it's a fine and useful job. There's nothing wrong with that job. Your class is just fuck. People need to scrub toilets. People need to look at milk. It's part of the economy. He definitely has some minor things in his problem

of evil thing that I was not sympathetic to. He's like, oh come my father walked out on me. And I'm like, yeah, no, that's pretty bad. And he's like, how come ladies don't like me? And I'm like, I don't think that really falls in the mirror. I'm like, really good that they don't like we saw you. Maybe you just ask a question. Talk to them.

Yeah. Yeah. He mentions that he's never had a girlfriend. And I want to be clear that I don't believe that Virginia is a side of construct that has no meaning. But this guy's definitely got his V-card, right? Just because Sam burk got in late. Yeah, no, he came in the day after he fucked a mailbox and was like, guys, I thought, what do

you mean that doesn't count? Not sure if you're talking about the actor or the character, but yes, absolutely correct. Yes, yeah, the answer is yes. So he's like, I have God loves me wise, my life's so sad. And Jesus sadly walks out, but before he does, you whisper something to Jackson. This is where we get the big conclusion, the best worst answer to the problem of evil. He's like, what was wrong with that guy? And Jackson says, Jesus, just paid your bill. And you can see the actual blank Larry being like, is that, is that, that's in the

living world? Are we done? I think that you somewhat misrepresented their interaction because my read of it was they were trying to chase after Jesus, but we're so hung up on not paying the bill that they couldn't leave. And so he was trying to leave and was like, I need to pay to fight leave because suddenly so hung up on not paying the bill that they couldn't leave. So he was trying to leave and was like, I need to pay before I can leave,

because suddenly he's very concerned about being a courteous customer to Jackson who he's been yelling at all. Not yelling at threatening, yep. And so they're yelling at him. What the hell, what the hell, what the hell, what the hell, and then for 30 seconds, he allows these terrible men I'm trying to live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, live, pause for dramatic effect if you don't watch it. No. You're unsafe. But that just to be clear, that was the movie's answer to the problem of evil by the way, is like your life has been bad, but don't worry.

Christ nailed himself to a cross for you so you're square-seas. But Jesus paid for your $4 cheeseburger and your coke. Yes. Congratulations. Are you Christian now? Did you be Christian now? They actually show us another Bible quote here. Romans 5.8, but based on the movie, Romans 5.8 is saying like, okay, Christ died for us

and our sins. That is in the quote from Romans, but also maybe bought us a burger at a diner paid for that. So like in the meta, do you even think they thought about a metaphor? Oh no, that the metaphor is the sins are the burger, the sins of the burger. Wait, we read that quote from me again? Oh, Romans 5, 8. It said, Jesus Christ fucking died for us. I think something like, no, I didn't write down the exact quote. La, blah, blah, Jesus died for us. I think something like. No, I didn't write that the exact quote. blah blah blah Jesus died for you.

Yeah. Because I honestly, I want to look this up because maybe this is like an unlock. This is gonna unlock the movie for us. The movie for me. Live Google with us here on these podcast folks. I also have the Wikipedia pulled up. There's nothing interesting there.

While we are still sinners, Christ died for us. Therefore, since we have been justified justified through this is not a direct translation This is just somebody I'm twirlizing which is bullshit How they do with like modifiers and stuff I want to talk about it But God demonstrates his own love for us in this while we were still sinners Christ died for us. Wait, isn't that the, why, isn't that John's 316? No, apparently it's Romans 5, John 316 is. John 316 is for God. I love the world. But he gave him his only bit of sun that he might die. So something, something

he believes in him. Sean, I perish, but have you told me. I got King James, King James version, but God commanded his love towards us. God, in that while have you. Yes, I got King James King James version. But God commandeth his love towards us. God damn it. In that while we were you. Oh, God, this is a perfect book and this episode. I really want you to listen to this Jessica. I want you to try and diagram this fucking sentence. But God commandeth his love towards us.

Come on in that comma while we were yet sinners. Come on Christ died for us. Period. What is the but referring to what's the how's the however to start that to whom God did die for? I just I do cross references John for 16. Yeah. 15 13 greater love has no one than this that he laid down his life for his friends like Burger King for eight you're way right away. There you go So these people are all reading this dog of the book, but they're like, um, I can't remember pronouns like What is going on with the brain capacity of people who read who seem to be able to understand this very dense archaic writing but like don't understand that like gender is not a binary.

I don't know. I just need a lot of a lot of questions. Great questions. Great questions. Okay, so I learned nothing. I learned nothing from that. Yeah. I don't know. Honestly, it seems like if you're not atheist, Jesus won't even buy you a burger. So it's a weird message.

I don't know. Yeah. All right, I think that's gonna do it for late one night, but that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet, because we found another terrible movie. So Eli, what's on deck? Well, he's, it's a listener request we've gotten literally since we started the show. Next week, we will be reviewing the Disney animated film, Prince of Egypt.

Okay. Isn't that was that good? We're going to find out probably wasn't ahead to guess. Hey, gang, how come you bring other We're gonna find out. Probably wasn't. I had to guess. Hey gang, how come you bring other people on and see like real Disney movies and I'm going on and watching these like, you two bullshit things?

Hey Jess, you want to be on next week? Do Prince of Egypt? Go fuck yourself. There you have it. So. Steve Martin is in that one. Yeah. Steve Martin. Yeah.

Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin.

Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin.

Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Steve Martin. 60 to a more visible close. Huge thanks, Jess, for real, for joining us. And if anybody wanted to hear more from you, where should they go? You can find me on Twitter at Jess Blimpi, J-E-S-S-B-L-U-E-M-K-E.

You can always hear me on the Friendly Apes podcast. We drop usually on Fridays, ish. Who Produber is the other podcast? I did with my husband. It is complete now. We rewashed all of Twin Peaks and all of David Lynch's catalog my husband saved die hard twin peaks fan and I have also seen it and have a No, I like it just not in the same way he does and

Yeah, that's I think it's getting time with David I am a Jason David and we did it all through the pandemic as like a project and it really made things bleak for a second. They're like, Oh, okay, we're going to watch Eraser Head and then not leave the house for another six months. It's December. There's not going to be sun again. Cool.

So thanks David Lynch as usual. Okay. So check all that stuff out. Yeah. And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God Awful, and that will get you early access to an ad free version of every episode. And if you enjoyed this show, you should check out our sibling shows, The Skating Atheist, Svitations Needed, The Skeppercrap, and D&D Minus, available in all the podcast places.

Also check out Dear Old Dads! Eli, where do you go to where's Dear Old Dads? Dear Old Dads, all the podcast places! Look up the words Dear Old Dads, there you go. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodOffalMoviesatgmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the offices of Pierre and Gertoures. Our theme song is written by Ryan Slonic, the evil drafts on Mars, all of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with

Christian. Next again, for giving us chunkier life this week, we're Jessica and Eli, I'm Heath, promised to work hard, turn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close. Larry got too close to an open plane when his synthetic wig went up like the Hindenburg, and now his vertical two-faced prowling the streets of this fad town and being aggressively unpleasant but ultimately not physically violent to peaceful citizens. So much could be telling his, his forward story.

Jesus of Nazareth went out to get a pack of cigarettes and he has been back for 2,000 years. The mysterious stranger tried to go across the street to Chick-fil-A for his second chicken sandwich, but ironically it was closed because it was Sunday. All right, we're all recording. Zencaster looks like the backup is recording now. And Jessica, you've done this for, but I just remind I'm going to do the five count here. So join us on four and five to line up the tracks. There's literally no more painful part of our job

than that explanation. Yeah, I feel like yell are the ones who always struggle with it when I'm on. I'm like on this like way down rice Yeah, you nail it, but the it's like a lot of people get confused. Yeah, it's three words too long And and some people fuck it up So you have to be a little too specific so like half the people are like yeah, man I know how to count to five, but then they don't have people are like where are you? Yeah, and you're like

But then they don't. And they don't. And they're like, where are you? Yeah. And you're like, oh god, no you. Five. You got to over-explain, because if they get it wrong, what's happened is now the person has embarrassingly got it wrong counting four and five with you.

So like, you don't want, you don't want to put them in that position. And now you all both have to know that for the rest of your lives. You have to over-explain. Yeah. Okay, here we go. We're all on the same page.

Yes. One. I'm just muted. Two, three. Okay, here we go. We're all on the same page. Yes. One, two, three, Eli, seriously. Jesus. What did we just talk? God damn it. Okay, one more time. Okay. And we're all in again. Here we go. podcast was a production of Buzzlein, a thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2022, all rights reserved.