God Awful Movies - 369: My Son Hunter

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

This week, Andrew Torrez joins us for an atheist review of My Son Hunter, the story of a bunch of grown adults trying to turn "No, YOU are!" into a movie. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out more from Andrew on Opening Arguments or Clean Up on Aisle 45 Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Also, can we just take for a second to appreciate that the people at Bright Bart News literally do not know the difference between the words fact check and getting caught lying? No, no, every time we make something up, someone says fact check, that's just when you know when you sneeze you say, because no type type when you lie, you say fact check. Trust me, I know I'm right by the videos. Oh, it's so good. God awful. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be 100 miles to my north east is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon sir? I am immortal No, really I will I will live forever if bad movies are the life force I just Concelected like all the infinity stones. I've done it. Yep. I'll never die. Yeah, exactly. You have assumed your final form Also joining us today is emergency guest Massacus to the host of the opening arguments podcast and red Tora's Andrew, welcome back.

I know, Eli, thanks. Question mark for this psychological torture experiment. I appreciate it. So you did not ascend to your to your final form. No, no, because my brain functions were at least it did prior to, yeah, this is to be clear, Andrew packed up his one and only son and sent him off to college this month. And this is by far the worst. Not even close. All right. So tell us, Andrew, what will we be breaking down today? We watched my son Hunter. It is the right wing equivalent of a Michael Moore documentary.

If, if instead of every time Michael Moore would smash cut to, you know, an embarrassed CEO saying something that might be out of context or something like that, they just made up stuff about Hunter Biden instead and it still wasn't a crime. Right. The movie. There you go. I've never seen a hit piece that has to stop so often and say, well, it's all, it was all legal, actually, that I'm stuck.

I'm stuck. What's on Hunter Biden's laptop? Int. This movie will not even make a claim about that. No, no, they'll, they'll be like square. It is a square or a rectangle about that. No, no, no, they'll, they'll be like square. It is a square or a wreck. Right. He had a laptop. Yeah. In the short term, this movie's probably the most useless thing ever put on film. But in the long term, I can see how like if you were teaching

a libel class, this might be a really, you know, you know, you're like. You used to roll out the TV and play reading rainbow. I feel like me, no professors should get to be like, all right, there's pop quiz. Every time there's a broken law, you get a point. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the big short, but which I mean, fast cuts and turns to camera and literally nothing else about the big short. Yeah, you will love this movie. It's the big. Short. Well done.

Well, yeah, so that's obviously what they were trying for, right? That's the film dynamic they were looking at. But mostly this, this movie is just character sitting around, saying to one another, oh, you know what, other corrupt thing I've done, apropos of nothing. Right? This is a fictionalized story of Hunter Biden, and he'll just constantly turn to somebody and like, you know how I'm involved with the Weeger genocide in China.

I've always spelled that out for you. Let me spell that out for you. They wrote a character into the movie who is stripper whose turn-ons include you confessing to crime So yeah, no, I feel like the impetus for this movie was somebody at Breitbart looking at all the yarn and pushpins and one of their mom's Basement and going guys this is this is a fucking movie all right hear me out Is there anything you just want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at okay? I'm going out a little bit of a fucking movie, all right? Hear me out. Is there anything you just wanna nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Okay, I'm going at it a little bit of a limb here,

but best worst drugs. Yeah. And look, look, I need to be completely up right here that 100% of everything I know about drugs is falling asleep opposite Noah in an underground hot restaurant. If you would say, okay. But even then, like some of the things struck me as a little weird,

like, hey, maybe some more cocaine will help slow down your heart. I don't know. It's just, yeah. We might as well watch Hunter Biden make himself a cocaine sandwich and some way during his filming. All right, so I was going to go with best worse impersonation god damn it. There is not a person on this record or indeed listening to this record that could not have pulled off a better Joe Biden than the guy that they hired to do it. Yeah, it's as though they were like, Hey, you do a Joe Biden impersonation. And he was like,

Yeah, he's the one who played Fraser Crane, right? And I'm going to go with best worst know you are. Yeah. Poor Eli. He's got a cold, but he's just going to he's got a power through it. God damn it. I just think of this movie. I get this movie reaches such levels of no you are that at some point all of our notes just devolve into like really really. What? So over and over again, they keep trying to imply that Joe Biden and Hunter Biden did exactly this shit that Donald Trump did publicly to the point where there's parts of my nose were like, okay, you're doing this shit on purpose now.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You guys want me to teach this in a law school class on defamation. I think this should be taught in a university psychology class on projection. Oh, man. All right. Well, I'll tell you, we have a Dante asked dissented to bullshit ahead of us. So we're going to need a quick break to Don our spulunking gear

But we'd back in a hurry with all the conspiratorial nonsense of my son hunter Nope, nope still too long really Yeah No, yeah, hi, what are you doing in my office? Did you witness on a shower head back there? Yeah, what are you doing in my office? Did you install a shower head back there? Indeed, we did, Andrew. It was childlessly simple to hack your secure water line. But don't worry, you're going to be grateful because you're going to be the very first owner of the tooth shower. Eli first rerouting my water pipes is not hacking. And second, all right, I know I'm going gonna regret this, but what's the tooth shower?

Oh, it's our newest invention. What are two things you always have to do every day, right? Shower and brush your teeth. Well, now with the tooth shower, you can do both at once. Yeah, our simple attachment uses the power and heat of your shower head to get your teeth brighter than ever with the power wash ability of a sidewalk cleaner. I can't guys, guys, if you want to take better care of your oral health, why don't you just try quip?

Well, I like to think we're pretty pithy. Yeah, quip on it. No, no quip. Good health starts with good habits and quip makes it easy by delivering all the oral care essentials you will need to care for your mouth. The quip electric toothbrush is loved by over 7 million mouths and has timed sonic vibrations with 30 second pulses to guide a dentist recommended two minute clean. A lightweight sleek design for adults and kids with no wires or bulky charger to weigh you down and a multi-use travel cover that doubles as a mirror

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good habits company. All right. Sorry, two shower, I guess we're not going to be needing you after all. How were you supposed to breathe while using that thing anyway? It's very carefully. I drowned it a lot. He did. All right, guys, welcome to the first writers room meeting for Brightparts original movie, My Son Hunter, where we're going to expose the true story. And I, by true, I mean, so fake, it's been repeated by literally every credible news outlet of Hunter Biden's laptop. So don't hold back. Hit me with ideas, guys.

Um, what, what if we did it like the big short, you know, lots of cuts to camera on screen kaira, you know, stuff like that. I like it. Yeah. Now the big short was all about true stuff. Maybe people think that this is true too. Ooh, we can load it up with right wing actors and celebrities. All right. Like what's her face? Uh-huh. That guy. Oh, yeah.

And that lady from the thing who's a bigot now, so she stuck with us. Uh, which one of them? Oh, we'll get all of them. All right. Oh, and also, maybe we could spend like, um, I'm going to say more than half the movie exploring what we, the empathy list ghouls at bright, Bart news, imagine Hunter Biden's grief to be like. Why would we do that?

I don't know. I just feel like it would be a great idea for us here at bright, Bart news to include a meditation on how hard it is to be Hunter Biden in our nonsensical download from our website only hit piece on him. Like an hour of it from every possible angle. I just really, really want to get in there. Um, okay. And, and, and, and Joe Biden can talk funny. Oh, there you go. He does misspeak occasionally. And we're back by the breakdown and the double speed bullshit is going to start in the goddamn logos. We're treated to a title card that credits this production to the unreported story. So yeah, because if there's one story that's definitely unreported in the right wing

of sphere, it's Hunter God damn Biden. Might as well say unfake news present. So we start off on Joe Biden going for a swim and who's his secret service agent, but Gina Gestapo or whatever from the Mandalorian. I initially had this as a joke line in there is this what Gina Karano was up to these days because you know, then I was like, holy shit, that is Gina Karano like, wow, yeah, I guess I just don't recognize her when she's not punching the jug or not in the dick. Now, now she punches her career in the day. I just want to point out how fucking tragic Gina, Karano's tiny, minuscule little part

in this shit hole is, right? She will be wearing an oversized suit. They couldn't even get her a suit that fits her. Nope. And like occasionally putting her wrist to her ear in hopes that someone might think that props gave her an earpiece. And then they're like, nope. Those things that they just said are part of the movie. Yep. I'm Gina Carano. Yep. I was added to this script after it was finished. Yeah. I feel like if you could have sent through this DVD back through time, Gina Carano. Yep. I was added to this script after it was finished. Yeah. I feel like if you could have sent through this DVD back through time, Gina Carano would have shut

the fuck up a backstance. Yes. Yes. She would have been like, you know what? Swimming doesn't actually matter to me that much. I'm going to shut my fucking mouth is what I'm going to do. So yeah. So Joe Biden goes for a swim and she's his secret service agent and she turns to the camera. They start the breaking the fourth wall thing pretty much immediately and she says, by the way, this is not wink, wink, a true story. Our lawyer made us say that. Yeah, yes. Yeah, there's a legal clause for not right.

Then it was came up in the 1990s. That was a Borat V Bushhouser. But look, part of our defense in the inevitable game live lawsuit is going to be that if you say not while winking a couple of times, it means not not. So yeah, yeah, yeah, she might as well say, this isn't not not an understory as they kept it. So, okay. So then then we cut to this newscast from December of 2019. And we're in the middle of this Black Lives Matter protest slash fucking Bosnia and uprising. Yeah, yeah. They're very unclear how much writing to lie about, right?

Because on the one hand, they've got people like shouting and holding signs and on the other, there appear to be buildings collapsing in on themselves to play in. It's ballad top cocked, tail attacks and shit. Yeah. But yeah, this is, I guess their first attempt at humor because there's this terrible riot going on. And the newscasters are going like, we're here at the mostly peaceful black lives matter protests. Right. God, and just like watching this in 2022, nobody else watching this movie other than the

three of us is going to say, you know what's weird? Now that Trump isn't president and sending out literal brown shirts to use cascapo tactics to break up protests, all of a sudden seems like we have a lot less violent protests. These are weird, crazy, weird happens. It's been like a countrywide training or something that they all went through. It's the antifa convention. So yeah, so the movie's opening statement. Let's be clear on this is the news is in on it.

They're lying. The fake news media, but a bullshit. Classic jury. So yeah, and then so we're going to meet our main character here. Well, one of our main characters. This is Kitty. She said the Black Lives Matter protest with her friend, Lorenzo, and she won. They wander off and she's like, I, this is an actual quote from the movie. I think I've got a viral video. I think I'm going to trend and I'm like, bright, bright side of how the kids these days talk.

Oh my God. I want to talk to the person who wrote that line forever. Just be like, okay. And what's the Twitter? What's the Twitter? Well, that, there's a viral, tweet tweeter, go to the follow blue check. Yep. So yeah.

And of course her friend is like, no, no, you can't post this video because we have to pretend that these protests are peaceful. That's why literally all the human beings at them are in on this, you know, this white wash, which is why the people at Breitbart can't actually find footage of any of this shit happening. Yeah. I wanted her to be like, Oh, and actually while you're deleting the videos, will you delete all the videos of all the crazy shit we believe yet? Get the reptilians in the junior.

Yeah. Put them all on there. Yeah. The friend says to her at this point, she's like, we have to choose truth over facts. And this is the first time I had the whole, no, you in my right. So no, you got, you're the side that coined the phrase alternative facts. What the fuck on inauguration day? Right? Like, that is out of the fucking box.

So, okay. So now we cut to LA, which is apparently where we already are, right? Unless this woman lives in one city and works in another. Yep. Right. So we cut to LA and Hunter Biden is showing up at this nightclub. If this were not a movie produced by crazy people, this is Donald Trump, Jr. Right. Again, you are. Yeah. You are. I wonder if there's a prominent son of a famous politician who is well known for being coped out on TV every time he shows up and also has a billion dollars to throw around. No, no, it's definitely the son of the guy that rides Amtrak to work. Yes.

Hunter Biden, that famous party animal. Right. Yeah. Their image of Hunter Biden and this fucking thing is hilarious though. Right. Yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, their image of Hunter Biden and this fucking thing is hilarious, though. Right? He's just constantly just building igloo's out of crack. It is, it is a hunter S Thompson by the, yeah. Yeah. Excellent. Also like, it's great because like, these are the idiots who watch like Wolf of Wall Street and are like, good, that is what I want from my life, right? Yeah. So they are constantly showing him partying with beautiful women, but then they're like,

but it's bad. It's bad way. Yeah. No, and so he walks into this like club, they are desperately trying to recreate the Copa Cabana long shot from good fellas here, but they've got like 16 people in this club that's supposed to be hopping. So you can see them just moving from one side of the room to the other so they can also be over there. Yeah. He also just this thing where you like walks through the club to the VIP room, but on the way he passes the

special VIP bathroom, which is for for Coke. And I was like, I don't think the VIPs half of VIP bathroom for Coke. I think they just get to do Coke in the normal plate. Right. We're doing Coke in the bathroom because we don't have a Coke location, right, Bart? I have so many questions, but not now, after the recording. Yes. So, yeah, but he walks into the VIP section. He's like, it's time to fucking party and the title comes up. And then so a lot of the decisions in the production of this film were obviously

bright part executives go and like, and then all the women can be in their underwear, right? And this scene too, I think probably the hardest artistic decision was whether or not they were going to go full topless for this movie. Right, because on the one, the half of the writer's room that are violent sexists, we're like, we want boobies! And then the other half of the room that were insane, you know, Christophiles, we're like,

make them wear the bathing suits from the 1800s. And this is, this movie is the compromise. You get the mashup, yeah. I mean, look, this is what happens with the only people you can recruit into your writer's room have been homeschooled since birth to believe that anything other than the missionary position is how you let Satan into your thighs. Right. It is just nonsense.

Yeah. So, yeah, so we cut through a stripper's dressing room and and kiddie is here that the girl who had the viral video and was going to trend with one of those Twitter hash browns or whatever. She's like getting ready to go on stage, right? Yeah, she's going to strip for us and she turns to the camera and she says, don't judge me and it wrote my notes, lady, I judge you so much more for being in this movie than I would for being a little bit.

Oh, man, you have no idea how much I admire strippers. Yeah. Period. And also in comparison to you. Yeah. Right. It was a downright neighborly man. Yes.

So yeah, so they, we cut to the stage and this is where Lorenzo is about to introduce her. Now, Lorenzo, they try to do that one joke that conservatives have about pronouns. Yep. Right? That only joke, but they fuck it up. But at any rate, so yeah, but Lorenzo is, I guess, the stripper MC, and it really is they had MCs that strip close, but I guess they do. And then we watch Kitty Dance route in her underwear for a bit.

Oh, yeah, in a in a strip tease that could best be described as at gunpoint. Oh, yes. She can't do any stripper moves. So she's just kind of like chilling against the pole, right? Right. Like I should never be like, I, a 46 year old man could work that post so much better than you. And you could. And I should never be like, I, 46 year old straight man would rather watch no 100% yeah, you know what it looks like? It looks like, if you can imagine me as a kid in fifth grade, climbing the rope in gym class. I can't. Oh, yeah.

The presidential fitness day was the worst. See, I love that because I wait like 14 pounds. So I could just keep doing pull ups. All goddamn day. I was like, I'm only lifting 14 pounds. I guess that's pretty easy. I'm doing the stretch to the snicker spar I brought with me to Jim class.

Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So then they move the party. He stops. He's like, Hey, guys, I just got word that the party's moving to my hotel room. Apparently, right? Question.

And I don't know if this matters, but what are the logistics of moving from a sex club to a private hotel? Is that a party bus situation? Break everybody up into Ubers. So that's interesting. Yeah. So okay. So then we cut to his hotel, which is the chateau Marmont, just where John Belushi died. I saw that and I was like, Oh, that's where John Belushi died. And then the fucking movie goes, this is where John Belushi died. And I'm like, I feel bad for knowing that. Yeah, I know it looks up other facts about that. Like, we don't have a 1600 square feet.

That's my new fun. Yeah. But yeah, but so hunter, but the key here is that hunter is partying very much. This is the first time that we start to get an idea of the sort of big short isms that they're trying to get in here because this is where we get the cartoon of Hunter Biden's heart as he does more and more cocaine. Okay. It's about please, Eli.

No, me and Andrew share questions here. We'd like to turn to our resident drug expert, no illusions. He does some coke, the cartoon heart speeds up, but then he does some crack to slow the cartoon heart down. Yes. Does crack slow your heart down? No, it is. In fact, it doesn't. And it's also not generally speaking a party. Drugs. Generally speaking, people don't go to a party and smoke crack. Yeah. It doesn't strike me as the kind of thing that would come out with, you know, the red wine you got while traveling.

Oh my gosh, Brittany, you look so amazing. It's so wonderful to see you. So there's like hummus and dip over there. You can drop your dish over there. And then also there's a crack pipe. We baked some cocaine this morning if you would like some of that. Oh, there's one point where he's just drinking pills and it's like, guys, you know how pills you are. I need to be clear for the listeners here. This is not just a funny gam gag from

the wacky guy. They literally have a pint glass full of what appears to be tylittle and Hunter Biden is like sipping from it. It is that spread like it is not the first time that I was like looking around to see if I was being punked while watching this movie. So okay, but that that seed wraps up. We cut the next morning. Everybody's just passed out on the floor. Mostly half naked women because again, the producers were like, and all the women, they're underwear, right? And to be clear, what the movie has so far is that, you know what Hunter Biden did?

A bunch of consenting adults had sex and did fun drugs. Right. Oh no. Did they were, they're implying that, but like, look, this scene is mostly just people sleeping in uncomfortable positions, right? Like, I literally woke up to weirder shit than this at AA. I'm sure, man. You damn right.

You did. I apologize for that. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So yeah, and so he wakes up. Hunter wakes up. He's walking through this crowd.

And then there's this, I guess they're going for humor. You have to fucking, you just, there's context clues when they're going for humor, right? Because then there's this dog and we're seeing thought bubbles like cartoon thought bubbles where he's talking to the dog. Yeah. And honestly, if the rest of this movie had just been Hunter Biden getting life coaching from a Chihuahua, I would love this movie. I think the Chihuahua has solid advice here, right?

Like you should in fact take me, you know, coked up free loaders and kicked them the fuck out of your house. Like, this is the beginning of trading places, right? Right. Yes. So yeah, so he screams at everybody to get out, so they all wake up and leave. And then he goes into the back and he checks his backpack

for more drugs and a gun. And as if to say, fuck you to us specifically, this is the last little ever see of Chekhov's got. Oh yeah. Anyway, so he's holding the gun and then Kitty comes, everybody else is already left but Kitty's still there and she comes up and she says, please don't, but he's not like,

he's not like holding the gun in a suicide type way or anything. He could be just checking to see if the safety was on. Right. Right. But anyways, but she's like, you don't want to kill yourself. He's like, no, I want to drive recklessly in my indebriated state. Yeah, he goes, I don't want to kill myself.

I want to drive. And I wrote my notes, cue the start of a racing movie. Please cue the start of racing movie. That is dialogue from gone in 60 seconds. So it's just to be clear. So okay, so but he drives out to a tent city. Well, lots of open fires next to cardboard homes there. Yep.

But he's, I guess he's out to buy some, you know, not just regular drugs, but homeless drugs, right? The hard shit. Because the idiots who made this movie think that rich crack addicts have to go to ramshackle cardboard crack dens because they don't have like crack dispensaries to go to. I think it's just like they have to show Hunter smoking crack because you know, it's the Democrats that smoke the urban drug. Right. Right.

Exactly. Also, just a tiny acting choice. I need to talk about the guy who plays Hunter Biden after he buys the drugs takes the drug dealer's hand and brings it to his lips as though he was greeting a duke or a queen. Yes. I'm sorry. I just wrote in my notes, cool of that crack dealer to let him kiss his hand at the end of their transaction like that?

And also, and I have to point out this little war drooping choice. The crack dealer in question is wearing a bandana over his face like he's robbing a fucking stage coach. Yeah. Park was I was sure that was some kind of random anti mask commentary. As long as we're here on casting choices, like this was right about the time of the movie in which I thought, you know, if we could have just snuck one person into the writer's room, we could have gotten them to cast Stormy Daniels as Kitty. I'm like, then this would have been the greatest piece of performance art in the history

of the night. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to be fucking good. Yeah. So he goes back to the car and him and Kitty start talking about their daddy issues together. Sure. And this is the first of many times we're really going to dwell on the fact that a hunter Biden has kind of a tragic life story to begin with. Why would you use this in your hit piece? I was the definition of a hit piece. You don't need to do this. You would you use this in your hit piece? This is the definition of a hit piece. You don't need to do this. You're your the definition of soulless ghouls,

bright-part news. You're possibly the worst non-murderers on the planet. Yes. You don't need to be like, guys, guys, guys. Let's point out this guy who we made an entire movie of lies about his head. A really tough life for. Yeah. Right. So he starts talking about how his sister and his mom died when he was just a boy and then his brother died just a couple of years ago of brain cancer and all of that. And then of course, he finds some some floor coke and he's like, oh, good, more coke.

And he snorts some some floor coke. Okay. Noah. Is floor coke a thing? Is there like a five second rule associated with it? Feels like there should be a five second rule. There is no five second rule. Yeah, Andrew, I'm gonna tell you,

there is a infinite second rule. If, if right now my ceiling opened up and a pouch of coke fell into my extended hand, I would begin to snort it as we record this podcast. But how do you stop yourself from snorting? I don't know. Dog hair and Cheeto dust. Sometimes you got to snort a little bit of Cheeto dust. I want to make it up.

I am. I am so much from this propaganda. There you go. You got. So yeah. And then he says, he's like, and after my brother died, I had sex with his wife. And of course, this is supposed to be a tontant, kind of a movie moment. But like, that's actually demanded by the Bible.

You're actually required to do that. You're not allowed to spill your seat off to the side when you do it either. Also, uh, bright part, no, your audience. A lot of people with their arm around their cousin watching your movie. Dr. Oz says that's fine. Yeah. So he's like, I want to leave. I want to wander around and do a walk and talk.

And she's like, really? We've got walk and talk money. She's like, yes, we do. And I want to show it off. Yeah, I know it turns out we embeds little bunch of that wall money. You'll find out. Yeah. So he's he's stripping his way through the hotel because he wants to go through a go

for a swim and to give you an idea what a party animal is. He is he's going to jump into the pool with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Yeah. Right. Really wanted him to come out of the water and be like, oh man. I have wrecked the pool for an hour and a half now. Just the rest of the movie is him fishing out tiny little bits of tobacco. Yeah, right.

Stupid badass jumping into the pool with cigarettes. But just as he does that, of course, Gina Gestapo comes in and she's like, we need to talk with you Hunter Biden. Now to this point, Kitty, the sex worker slash stripper slash therapist, the next position stripper. Yes. So she at this point doesn't know who he is, right? She just knows he's rich and important or whatever.

But when Gina Gestapo comes to get him, she follows along behind and sees him get into a car with none other than a Joe Biden. But which we mean an old man. It looks a lot more like John McCain. This guy could probably pull off John McCain. Ooh, you know, they were like on cameo and they were like, okay, no Joe Biden. But the John McCain impersonator guys says he'll do it for a ride home from the bus. You make this movie shot for shot about Megan McCain. I'm in. I'll do. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, I guess the plot technically

thickened just now because any movement would be a thickening at this point. So that's plenty of reason for us to take a quick break, but we're back in a minute with even more of my son, the hunter. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Oh, Mackle Roy Brothers, you and your antics. Hey, Eli. You're there all wrapped in blankets. Listen to the same D&D podcast over and over again. What's, uh, what's the matter? Uh, it's just jigsaw puzzle. No, I can't solve it. And so, well, you know, this is the best way I could think of, to solve my problem. I see.

Well, Eli, have you tried therapy? Therapy for problem solving? Be real, Noah. I am being real. A therapist can help you become a better problem solver, making it easier to accomplish your goals no matter how big or small. Wait, so you're saying therapy isn't just for like,

big life problems or mental illness? No, not at all. Therapy has all sorts of benefits, and one of them is having a licensed professional help you work through your problems, no matter what they are. And if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, better help is a great option. It's convenient, accessible, affordable, and entirely online. You can get matched with a therapist after filling out a brief survey

and switch therapists any time. Wow, that does sound easy. When you wanna be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash awful. Thanks Noah, I'll give it a try.

Great, now we hope you open the studio door, it's stuck again. Ice cream in office, rerun. No, you know what, never mind. It's fine. It's fine. Alright, quiet down everybody. Welcome to our monthly meeting of right-wing actors who couldn't shut the fuck up. This week, I'd like to introduce our newest member, Gina Karano. How about a big round of applause for Gina, huh? Woo! Hi, everyone.

Now, now Gina, I know you're new, so let me give you the rundown. You like a lot of actors are a soft, soft baby who's never had to read anything or learn anything because you just play pretend for a living. Yeah, like a child. That's right, like a child. And as a result, the vast majority of us are really fucking stupid and this group is for the actors for whom our professional Wranglers have failed to keep that stupidity a secret like a like Rob Schneider over here. You can do it.

Yeah. Classic. So good. Whoever would have thought that his grasp of social justice wouldn't be pristine. So what do you guys do here? Mostly cameos, not in the good way, like the websites. See, culture is constantly reinforcing that our few remaining fans are wrong So they turned to like literal websites like cameo to buy themselves happy birthdays anniversary greetings

So just general reassurances that it's the world that's gone crazy not them. Isn't that right Kevin? Yeah, I'll try the new fun pop game token Whatever just tell me what to say Wow, so does this pay a lot of money? No, no, it pays tragically little money tragically little oh But I still get to be in movies and TV shows, right? You sure do technically We've got download only movies from right wing hate sites. We've got news shows, right with like very real desks

Hell, did even gets to like host masters of illusion on the CW still they made me promise not to talk all right well with that out of the way I'll just go ahead and leave you in this room along with Tim Allen Jameswood Dean Kane and Ted Nugent I'm sure that'll go great for you and we'll see you whenever I need some familiar face to point at our agenda. Oh man, I wish I'd just shut the fuck up. Yeah, me too. Not me. Shut the fuck up, too. You shut the fuck up. And we're back for the more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with hot, well, action. That's overstating it a little bit. We're going to rejoin the exposition, the entire movie worth of exposition

with Joe and Hunter conspiring together in the back of a car. Right. And this is where they have to defend the laptop narrative. Right. So keep in mind that the laptop narrative for Republicans is that Hunter Biden brought two of his laptops into a repair shop in a state he wasn't in at the time and left and never came back to get them. Right. And that the guy, the hardcore Trump supporter, who runs that shop just to happen to notice that honor was there, waited until the 90 days was over, got this very incriminating information about him and then went to the press minutes. Yes.

Right. And so that's what's happening, right? That's where we are in history, I guess, is Joe Biden is showing up to tell him that the FBI has his laptop, damn it. And I would have really liked for purposes of someone who does not inhabit and only occasionally visits crazy town for Joe Biden to go, okay, what exactly is on this laptop? But they can't have him say the he hints and does other stuff, but they can't have him say that because the answer is poor.

Right. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like scandal of the fucking century. Like there's porn on a laptop recovered from a computer repair center. You're right. Let's bring back the guy who stole nuclear secrets. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And to be clear, right? Joe Biden, the character of Joe Biden will constantly say, what's on that laptop throughout the movie? They will never give a direct answer.

Yeah. what's on that laptop throughout the movie, they will never give a direct answer because the answer is born. What they want you to fill in and what this movie does a terrible job of filling in is emails with China. Well, yeah. So they imply that there's all kind of say, but they never can say it. Now, to be clear, what happened here is that a lot of Joe Biden stuff was compromised, right? The stuff in his laptop, whether or not it was done in a legal way as this story suggests

is unknown, but then it was interspersed with a bunch of bullshit, right? A bunch of bullshit was mixed in with that almost certainly by Russia. And then that was all released. The Washington Post got suckered into reporting on it at first. And then everybody else in the goddamn world was like, no, it's actually this Russian propaganda and bullshit. And then the Washington Post was like, oh, right, it was bullshit. Yeah.

And it's just like to be clear, the source we have for this being a legitimate way of finding things is that this hardcore Trump supporter who is visually impaired was like, yep, I'm pretty sure the guy walked into my store and just delivered me this cash cow of a mix of fake and real hacked information was Hunter Biden himself. I recognized him by heart feel. I get it. Yeah. And also, of course, Joe Biden has to say to him at this point, apropos of nothing you have an illegitimate child, whose mother is a sex worker. Just that, this, this, that kind of shit will constantly. And by the way, while that's happening, there will be some sort of a dude, dude, dude,

lead, dude, in the background. Is it like a cartoon sound effects constantly? Yes. I'm going with Andrew's theory that the cartoon sound effects were like what the lawyer put in for like you must delete this. Yeah, right, right, or so that it would be, oh, oh, well, this is obviously we're just making shit up now because there's a Zoinks. How would there be a Zoinks if they're if we weren't making shit up? That's not the way loyering works, but I do believe the way this movie works. Oh God, Andrew, please tell me that's the way it works.

I'm going to go buy a soundboard in the middle of this record. And just like the address of a Supreme Court justice. Yeah. Otherwise, we would have had the like gathering water montage from Fantasia playing in the background of every God awful movie. Yeah, right. Ever. So, right. I'm sorry. So, okay.

So, while they're having this conversation about all the crimes that they're probably are doing, but not specifically, we cut back to Kitty, right? She's still in the hotel room and she's got it now to her laptop to Google Joe Biden scandal. Or sorry, I'm sorry, to gigio because damned if Google was gonna let them use their logo for this trip she's gigioing a Joe Biden scandal and possibly the least realistic part of the movie is that she's not finding anything right yeah she's oh that there's just no scandalous stuff about Joe Biden apropos if nothing if you type Hunter Biden laptop into Google right now, like me,

you will get 4.75 million dollars. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Fun fact, if you type Hunter Biden laptop, Omega brain comes out of your CD drive. It's just automatically sent it there. I got lots of CD drives. I got a Commodore 64 in the basement too. Yeah. So, and we cut back to the car.

And of course, they try occasionally, and I feel like they forget for very long periods that they were going for this to have Joe Biden jumble his words up in a humorous way here and there. At one point, he's like, hey, can this ruin my erection? And literally the movie goes, boyi, boi, boi. Yes. But there's still, of course, talking about what's on the laptop.

And he's like a lot of naked selfies on it. I've my dick a lot. And also probably crimes, also probably crimes. Right. Which again, like the movie feels very confident and be like, his dick was on that laptop. And we're like, sure, yeah, my dick's on my laptop. Man again, like the movie feels very confident and be like his dick was on that laptop and we're like, sure, yeah, my dick's on my laptop. So we're else would you put your dick? Yeah. So okay. So now we come at the kitty. Now she's brought her bodyguard

tyrone. The movie will forget this character's name, but his name tyrone at first and then Darrow later. Is 100% true. Do you think it just, it just had like, you know, African American sounding name in the script. They literally forgot the black guy's name. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. No, absolutely.

I believe that you're right. Andrew just said African American name in brackets when this character was referred to in the credits. He's K Sean Mankin. Yeah. All right. And I just want to know, was it this actor's choice or was it stage direction of like you must deliver every line like you're fucking morphe is from the Matrix? Yeah. But it is, they have literally only ever seen Lawrence Fishburn act. They're like, you know, like the guy who's like you in the way that we can't say.

Right. Yeah. So he's helping Kitty now Google Joe Biden scandals and she's like, you know, I just can't find anything scandalous about him. And he's like, well, you know, the problem is you're not using Breitbart, which means, by the way, someone at Breitbart paid this black actor to recommend Breitbart so that a black person would have recommended Breitbart at some point. And it actually goes even a layer deeper than that.

She's like, isn't that a super racist website? And he's like, I'm black, it can't be racist. He says, quote, I'm the black face of white supremacy and they both have a laugh about it, but, but you are though, right? Like, like, like, like, you, you are defending a site that platforms white supremacists like you. And white supremacists already have their own black face. They brought some from home.

But, but yes, right. So a white person wrote those lines for an African- American actor and then paid him to say them is what we're watching. We're the good guys. And then thought to themselves, trail covered. Nailed it. Yes, right. Right.

All right. So we head back to the car. Joe Biden is yelling at Hunter for being a porn addict because again, that's probably something that really was on his laptop. Right? And in another, no, you are moments. Don't, oh, please, please go forward. Please proceed, Senator.

Joe Biden says to him, and I quote, well, you know, I could rape a girl on Fifth Avenue. And the media would still just be talking about Trump grabbing girls by the pussy. In the head, did they say fifth Avenue? They even say Fifth Avenue. Yeah. Sorry. I'll be back when I have collected the bits of my brain. No, it's all about it.

I got it. Yeah. And then in one of the most like, oh, God, these are real people moments of this movie. He then explains how he fucked not just his late brother's wife, but also her sister at the same time. Those are probably real human beings that they're making that cartoonish allegation against, you know, that's well. No, if we're not going to take the word of Hunter Biden's incredibly embittered ex-wives biography, which went through several edits with white ring media consultants before it was released.

Then I don't know who to trust. Okay. I'm sorry, but last time I checked, my ex is actually say the truest things about me. Yeah, I know that's true. That's true. That's true. So, so yeah. So Biden's like, I wish you'd been the one that got cancer and and hundreds like I wish you'd been the one that died in the crash

And I'm just like these are real fucking people god damn it. And again, this doesn't need to be part of your weird hit piece No, no one is sitting there going look maybe you participate in the wigger genocide That's one thing, but do not talk to your father in that way. I am no longer a fan of Hunter Biden. I'll say it right now. I don't love, I don't love the Biden family structure. Yeah, there's one point. I don't even know what they were going for here. At one point, apropos of nothing. Joe Biden's character starts talking about the time he beat a man to death with a chain. I feel like that's there. Tell me, Andrew, did the lawyer make them put it there like, you have to have at least one that's like claim that so

egregious we can point to it later and say, no, no, couldn't possibly have been right. Right. Yeah. Your honor, no one could possibly take anything that Eli Bosnick says on God awful movies. Right. Yeah.

Within the first three minutes, the character of Eli Bosnick threatens. I've worked on this. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Just in case you're wondering, Andrew does it as he goes Yeah, within the first three minutes, the character of Eli Bosnick threatens her. I've worked on this. Yeah, sure. Okay, all right. Just in case you're wondering. Andrew does it as he goes to sleep at 90s and I do.

I know. Honestly, I'm only asking the question so that you know, I've been paying attention in the training videos that you sent us. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. There's also another one of these like, you know, we're being wacky moments where Joe Biden's like, well, at least tell me that you're not still using drugs. He's like, no, Dad, I'm off the drugs.

And then the words fact check up here on the screen real big. And there's an alarm that's really far too loud compared to the way that the rest of the movie is dubbed. Also, can we just take for a second to appreciate that the people at Breitbart News literally do not know the difference between the words fact check and getting caught lying. Right. Yeah.

No, no, every time we make something up, someone says fact check. That's just like, you know, when you sneeze, you say, because don't type when you lie, you say fact check. Trust me. I know I'm right by the news. Oh, that's so good. Oh, shit. So, okay. So we cut back to Joe and Hunter, and they're going to talk about all their various shady deals that you create in China for no reason and unprompted. The line is, dad, I did a lot of deals with foreign agents and their government such the movie. And a certain boy, they're going to talk about him stealing

nuclear secrets. Andrew, you just went right and he's like, and of course Joe Biden's like, hey, wait a minute, that laptop doesn't have anything that would incriminate me on all of any of those deals in Ukraine or China. It does it. He's like, no, we never use your name, which is the only reason that there's no evidence that what we're claiming in this movie is based in truth because we didn't use your name. Yeah.

Now, keeping in mind, of course, that it's not illegal for Hunter Biden to do deals in China and the Ukraine while his dad's vice president. No. Right? So, okay, yeah. So it's just to be clear. All right, but then we cut to Ukraine to show just how shady Joe Biden really is.

This is Gina Gestapo, like turns to Cameron says, let me clear up a few things on this Ukraine deal. And then pulls out the yarn and the push pins and ghost of fucking town. I mean, she starts with Victor, Janu, COVID, and I'm sitting on, like, oh, yeah, oh, you, that's where you want to start. You don't want to start with how Janu, COVID got elected. Say by having Paul Manafort, your guys fucking campaign manager go over there and get a pro Russian stooge elected president of Ukraine. I don't know, as a training run. Yeah.

Right, right. Oh, exactly. But let's face it, man. She didn't even bother to learn how to pronounce Janikovych. No. You can do it. You could pitch or I can't. It was very.

Let's talk about President Yakko wacko's gathering. Is that President weird al Yankovic? Yeah. So, yeah, so, but she says, you know, there's Victor Yanikovitch is, he was in a movie with with Demi Moore, who was in movie with with Tom Cruise, who was, yeah, right. So he's doing that. And we're watching it happen. So Yanakova just sitting there in his little,

I don't know fucking evil, murdered, or whatever. And somebody says, hi, I'm a murder banker. I'm here to launder your money. Mm-hmm. But again, it's too many steps apart. So people just keep getting at it and convoluting it more, right? Because if this was an actual conspiracy, right? if we were writing a mom movie, it would be like, Hey, I'm

Hunter Biden's associate and I'm here to help you out. But instead, it's like, I'm the murder banker. This is my caterer. Yeah. Yes. That's right. This is her cousin. He's catered in the in the four seasons, this part involves Mario Speedwagon, but bear with me. Okay. Who's birthday just happens to be the same. Right. Right. Oh, gosh.

Yeah. And of course, this all ends in a in a sequence where Hunter Biden, Victor Yanukovych and some other Russian oligarch are all like fuck monologuing and conspiring together. Fucking shicks together. Yeah. In the insane fever dream of connections that Breitbart News has made, Hunter, the very unfortunate crack addict Biden, was somehow a crack addict unable to not film himself jerking

off on his laptop and also participated in multiple orgies with genocidal leaders in Ukraine. Well, right. And also, let's keep in mind that what this movie has done is it's like, you know, well, Yana COVID, you knew this guy who was also bad, who knew this guy who was also bad, who knew this guy who was on the board of some of a barisma with Hunter Biden, which is basically the same as them all lining up and having sex together, right? And let's just, we need to be absolutely clear about this.

They put all of the climbing here in the mouth of the person of Ivan Doloreski. And I don't need to tell you that's not a real person, right? And they would come back and be like, oh, see, we're all, it's all just the fun and the jokes. But like the credulous dipshits who are watching this are supposed to think that that was an actual person. Right. Oh, very much so. Yeah. And of course, this is Gina Gestapo finishes this all up. And I'm just like, oh, no, this is way better than a title role in a Mandalorian spin off. Just great life choice.

You made I bet you you did it. Good for you, girl. Good for you. She could have been thunder punch forever. Whatever the hell. I'm traveling Gina Carano tackles herself. No. I demand to be second fiddle to Ryan Reynolds for life.

So, okay. So then we cut to Joe Biden making shady deals and key, but they've spelled it in the imperialist Russian way. I feel like they should have talked to their handlers and been like, hey, guys, that's really pretty much the only people who are pronouncing it and spelling it that way are the ones genociding that country right now and they were like, we said, go look, give. Okay. All right.

At this plot point is, I put all of that in scare quotes, but is Joe Biden, you know, the famous head of a criminal family of real estate moguls, tossing around a billion dollars in loan guarantees, because, you know, they've got that. And you're like, I, you know, well, right. So, and, and what they're saying is, well, you know, there was a billion dollars in aid to Ukraine, but Joe Biden was making it contingent on, like, a favor from the Ukrainian president. I'm like, you are. You're guy got in peach. We're having on tape. He did exactly the thing that you're saying that hunt that you are implying that hunter Biden half did on

Joe Biden's behalf. With the words, first, you have to do us a favor, though, end of quote. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I think it is literally for this purpose. I think it's so you are that this movie is intended to confuse Uncle Frank. Yeah. So that when when you are talking to Uncle Frank and you go, oh no, he was actually on tape saying that and he's like, no, that was Joe Biden. You're right.

And so that that young person will be like, you're an idiot. I'm never speaking to you again. And then the movie says, yeah, your friends and relatives will call you idiots and never speak to you again. And you'll be like, that movie was right. Right. Nailed it. And we cut back to Hunter and Joe and the guy.

And this is the actual line that we get. Joe Biden turns to Hunter and goes, so let's talk about our Ukrainian quid pro quo. I would like to exchange a quid services for sexual failure. Yeah, one drug, please. Yeah. And apparently I think they're going for, I guess probably at some point,

Joe Biden said quid pro quo or something because they keep coming back to the mispronunciation of quid pro quo or something because they keep coming back to the mispronunciation of quid pro quo. Okay. I'm going to throw this out there. It's a, it's a, it's a Hail Mary. I don't think anyone at break part news knew which exactly quid pro quo. They were like, there was a big fight in the writers room.

One was like, quid pro quo. And the other was like, it's quid, Brad quid. And like this was the, this movie was the compromise. That's my guess. We're going to use everybody's pronunciation once. Yeah, okay. All right. But yeah, he's like, don't worry.

The media is helping us to pin all of our Ukrainian misdeeds on Trump. Yeah. And let me just say it's really convenient that they're doing that because he happens to be doing all those things. Right, yeah, it's working out great. So, all right. So meanwhile, fucking Tyrone is ex,

is just Jesus Christ speaking of you are, Tyrone is explaining the concept of nepotism to Kitty and why that would be bad. I'm sorry. This was the point in which I stopped being able to write notes and I was like, I'm just, I have to fucking tap out guys like the line was, you know, nepotism is when you use political channels to benefit your own family.

That was delivered in the Morpheus voice. Yes. Yes. And Andrew Torres' next three notes are, ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was picturing like a Joker situation where owners could have been bleached and smile started to play,

started to dance down the stairs to the play. So serious. I can't be pleased,'t, please just get, just get, I would have given every dollar I have ever or will ever make in my entire life to just smash cut this up with Kellyanne Conway sneering in the Oval Office going like, oh, that's a check. Yeah. Let me know when the sentence begins for chilling Melania's line of clothing for which

Trump's office of legal counsel recommended that she be fired. Yes, right there. Your guys looked at this It was like come on even for us like you know, this is like the head lawyer at the Legion of Doom being like I Is kicking you out of the floating skull for that. Oh, so you got to get rid of the ridler. All right. Just a guy. He's a mentally ill person. So yeah.

And there's also this great moment where like Tyrone starts to narrate a thing and then Gina Carano cuts in and she's like, no, mother fuckers. I'm the goddamn narrator here. Oh, no, no, mother fuckers, I'm the goddamn narrator here. I did not give over my entire career over a Twitter fight to be out narrated by some guy whose name we can't remember. So and once again, so a lot of this movie has to be spent with them saying, now, sure, these claims are not true, right? Because that's what she cuts into.

She, they're like, you know, and Hunter was in you, you cray doing all of these terrible things. And yes, it is true that he never actually went to Ukraine. And then we're like, well, but, but then everything that you said has to be wrong. Yes, but I wrote my notes. Okay, I'm confused. What is their source if not the Biden's or the truth? Yeah. So and then of course, there's this weird scene where Joe Biden and Hunter are standing

in front of a projector because that makes them look more sinister discussing, you know, Joe's cut of the barisma deal. But the actors, they did it wrong. So the actors are just like, yeah, sorry, it's the light is in my eyes. And it was all, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, deal we were told was $83,000 a month. Now again, don't doke be wrong. I would like to have $83,000. I would like to have $83,000 a month. But we have seen Hunter Biden, the character casually throw $100,000 at like a strip club MC, right? Like the idea of Joe Biden needs to take 10% 8 gram because, you know, that's daddy's taste.

And they're like, what do you think is this? Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Hunter, now, now I, Joe Biden, lifelong Senator, can open a high yield savings account in citizen bank, you know, understand? I've got the minimum, kiddo. You do four more of these deals, a dedicated bimbe suboddeck. A dedicated bimbe suboddeck.

A Dodge Stratus. I plan to lease myself a key of serenzo with this money son. Jesus Christ. And then, oh, and then back with Kitty and Tyrone. Kitty's asking about Hunter's father's brothers nephews cousins for her roommate. Devon Archer, right?

They're like, oh, you know who else was tangentially involved with Hunter Biden and eventually got arrested by the FBI. Again, you are your every single person he ever interacted with twice went to jail. That's your guy. The day that they released this movie, the guy who made your company what it is, got arrested. Yes. That would be like if we were releasing this episode, the day he got arrested. I mean, this movie doesn't drop till next week. So yeah, that's yeah, not you're right. So yeah. So and then we cut Hunter and this character, Devon Archer, who we've just shoot, she warned in and he's

trying to beg Hunter to get him out of going to jail. Right. Now the implication here is that Hunter is going to use his influence with his dad to get this guy off of crimes that he did, but then even in the movie, that doesn't have right. Yeah. You did not have to write in here, though, like, yeah, and then he went to jail and I'm just sitting there thinking, like, come on, even one of you, like, motherfuckers is not sitting there watching, going, hmm, wait a second.

If the Biden's control, the media and the justice department, why did they arrest under Biden's best friend business partner, Archer Powell? Well, no, they're they're the head of all those things. They're just not good at it. Yeah. And again, your guy literally promised people pardons in advance of their crimes. Is there a pardon list I'd like to be on it That is by the way the savior of this movie Right, yeah, we'll utter that line Yeah, they're like oh and also hunter Biden. Sorry. We're not done saying you are yet Hunter Biden has several connections to Russian spies Right your production company has several connections to Russian spies.

It's entirely possible a Russian spy wrote this scene of... Yeah! Like, there's a non-zero chance that like, it was a little awkward in the office that day for the Russian spy. when they showed the movie and all the people were like, Hey, Vlad, you know, we don't mean you, right? We're just doing that. And he's like, no, no, he's, he's okay. You got to do what you got to do.

Oh, and we see this, the Russian girl in this that they, the, I don't know, the point of connection between him and Kevin Bacon, her fucking Russian accent is downright her clean. Okay. Oh, yes. Well, Jesus give you candy. Also just another tiny, beautiful moment of cluelessness. So the Russian spy that they're accusing Hunter Biden of knowing is a lesbian.

And we see that because she is having missionary lesbian sex with a mother woman. That's how the two ladies do it. Right? They're no, they're sissorant. And of course, yes, she gets a, she gets a phone call mid-buck and answers that mid-buck. Yeah. Could have had her do anything that the fucking her v. ass production company is like, but she's being around her. All right. She being her underwear kissing another girl. Why is half the writer room crying? And again, I realized this is not funny, but I just, I just need to say Donald Trump Jr.

met with members of the Russian intelligence community in Trump tower in the middle of the 2016 presidential campaign. You do not need to invent like, well, maybe there was this connection to Hunter. But like, yeah. It's all right. And of course, we're just bouncing of it. This movie is still, you know, in terms of what's actually physically happened in the film. Joe Biden's still sitting in the car with Hunter and the girl is still sitting in the hotel room with Tyrone. Like no one's moved since the end of the first act, right?

We've just been flashing back and oh, we are several dootly dootly dooties in. Yeah, right. Right. Nested dootly dooties. And at this point, you can see the actors getting nervous. They're like, the whole movie's not in the car. Right? I saw on the shot schedule that we're not here tomorrow.

So, yeah. So, but is that another doodly to? Is that an in doodly do doodly do? But then they have to get to like what they think is the checkmate in this whole argument, right? Which is that Joe Biden pressured Ukraine to fire a prosecutor who was investigating brisma. And they actually play the real clip at the end, although they play it, you know, edited

like the like Nancy Pelosi blinking uncontrollably. Right. Yeah. It's great. But this is the worst bit of propaganda in the movie because it is adjacent enough to the truth. Yes. That it might fool somebody. So here's what actually happened, acting at the behest of the White House with full authorization from the White House and Congress. Joe Biden did threaten to condition USA to Ukraine on the condition that the new

president, right? Not the guy their guy got into office who turned out to be a pro-Russian stooge and fled the country and now lives in Russia, right? But the incoming new president, Poroshenko, fire the corrupt former prosecutor that their guy put in place who 100% was not investigating Hunter Biden. Right. Right. So, so all of this meant to be quick pro quo. Like, this is you have to fire the guy who is not inditing my son, not investigating my son, for somebody who's less corrupt, who might, right? Right. It's the opposite of nepotism.

Well, yeah, and let's keep in mind that not only was Joe Biden acting in accordance with bipartisan foreign policy from the US, but also the European Union wanted this guy gone, the World Bank wanted this guy gone, the IMF, everyone had said, hey, look, this guy has absolutely corrupt as all fuck. He can't be your lead prosecutor on any damn thing right so yeah everybody was in on this one apparently. Yeah, in order for this to be corruption or quid pro crow or nepotism or whatever, it has to be sort of like a poorly thought out sci-fi film right like Biden was like no, in the future this prosecutor will come after my son for his Ukrainian deals

with China to massacre the we we grew. Yeah. Right. And of course, as soon as he says, like, you know, there was nothing wrong with that. The fact check things blare us onto the screen again. It says it actually says it. They write out the words quick pro crow again. Again, writers, writers meeting fist fight. I'm telling you. Okay. Yeah. No, that makes

more sense than anything else. And then Gina Gestapo stops. She looks right into the camera and she's like, so weird because they accused Trump of making a phone call doing the same thing they were doing. And I'm like, but we accused. Are you saying that's not him on that phone call? We have the transcript. Right. You're a guy released that because he thought it would help. But that's how bad it was. Right. Is Donald Trump in on the conspiracy against Donald Trump now. Donald Trump walking backwards in an oxygen mask. Trump trust me. Me and Robert Pattinson have a plan. Trust me. Oh, and if you don't, if you don't get that joke, shame on you, you should watch that movie.

It's way better than people say it is. All right. So, so yeah, we cut back to Hunter and, and Joe, they're still in the car. They're still expositing because honestly honestly because the screenwriters are so fucking backwrestled, they couldn't come up with any way to get this information out into the movie other than one conspirator turning to the other and saying, remember that time when we blanked? Yeah, right? I also want to point out that this point is I'm going to call it the lightning round of just like mean shit about Hunter.

Very little of it is crimes. This is where they're just like, um, also, he's, artist bad. Yep. Well, and he sells that art for money. That's probably corrupt. Yeah, and who has money?

Joe Biden. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, but yeah, and then so, so, but just then Joe Biden gets a call and they try to do this gag with oh, he's so old. He doesn't know how things work. So he's got his cell phone upside down and he's like, I can't hear a thing. And then hunters like you've got your phone upside down. But like the writers don't know how technology you would obviously be able to hear your fucking phone even if you had it upside down. I mean, yeah, fucking duh. Also, they just

need to pick whether or not Joe Biden is a international mastermind behind billions of dollars of aid or a bumbling old man incapable of speaking English, right? Because they switch between sentences, what they think he is. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So, so he gets a phone call. It turns out that the FBI has subpoenaed the laptop, but it's okay because as they admit in the movie, the repair shop guy that they got it from is a trumper and the media is gonna label it as a Russian disinformation campaign.

So apparently that phone call was from the media. The media was calling him. I don't know. Yeah, no, thank you, the media. Yes, happy Shabbos to you as well And hunters like Russian disinformation. We're using that excuse again Yeah, they did it a lot man. Yeah, no, you guys guys use Russian spies a lot. Yeah again, Vlad is just sitting there like I don't think if you guys feel like what he's

much Russian, you seem for it works. Can I just say it keeps working on your country. It's like a setting. How often it works. So I feel like I'm corner trapping and democracy. Yeah. And then there's this weird. So Hunter Biden goes back in.

Joe Biden goes to leave and he says to Gina Gestapo. She's like, Hey, can you stop by dairy queen on the way? I want to ice cream. And she's like, he does eat dairy queen ice cream. They talked about it on CNN instead of the laptop, except even then they have to say like and CNN went on about how his favorite flavor is chocolate chip. Guys, they do not serve chocolate chip at dairy queen. Okay. Like dairy queen is soft serve. No, that's not a flavor of ice cream.

Yeah. You get chocolate or vanilla. That's it. You get the comb. You can get the peanut butter parfait. That's delicious. That's not so good. But again, who was that for?

Right. Like who was sitting at home that was like our main skeptical of you? Bo bo bo bo bo. Chocolate ship blizzard. Yeah. No, and then there's this like sequence of the Joe Biden character imagining himself doing a glamour shot with Gina Gestapo in a super weird. I feel like the actor requested that. He was like, I want to dry hump the Star Wars later. And they're like, you can try. The production, the pervy production guys are just like, I want you to dry hump the

Star Wars lady too. And she was like, I want to shut the fuck up in 2017. Oh boy, do I want to shut the fuck up. And just in case you're thinking to yourself, well, at least it's as bad as it's going to get, she turns to the camera and she says, also, I know this is a lit, I swear this is what she says. I know this is a little off topic, but Epstein didn't kill himself. It's so good. It's so good. How come I can see Chicago from Lake Michigan, if the earth is curved, huh?

Trick-wake blow beds. Podcast listener, if I may part the curtain, there are moments in our careers where no one heath will just let me put some bizarre internal law bullshit into our podcasts and hope that just as you're doing your dishes, you ignore it. This is that moment for this movie. Right. Whoever the Eli of their writers room was like finally wiped the tears from his face and was like, and you mean it, it can be at the act break. And they were like, you can be at the act break. You can make the

wool dash or missile through concurred all the podcasts. All right. Well, I'll tell you when I guess click before they start explaining how the fed is a fucking Ponzi scheme. We didn't take another break, but before that I'm gonna give Akshary the hard self Does Hunter Biden control a mob of Aksh wielding goons? Is the media in on it? Are the Biden's Responsible for the weaker genocide in China? By now the answers an idiot would give to these questions and more when we return for the convoluted conclusion of My son the hunter. And so then I'll be like, well, two, three, four, five. If you like, no, I'm telling you,

we got to give it at least a 10 count. Yeah. No, smart because it could be on the ground. Hey, guys, you said you had a problem with, with this week's recording. We sure do, Andrew. No one I just realized that a lot of people aren't listening to our podcast on Raycon wireless earbuds. Oh, what are Raycon wireless earbuds? Raycon's everyday earbuds look feel and sound better than ever. With optimized gel tips for the perfect in-ear fit, these earbuds are so comfortable and they will not budge.

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which is why I know illusions personally endorse them as a product. Wow. Well, those sound just swell. Where can I get a pair? Go to buyraycon.com slashgam to date. You get 15% off your Raycon order. That's by Raycon.com slash cam, to score 15% off by Raycon.com slash cam. All right, well, Andrew, they haven't gotten the Raycons yet. Yeah, right. Well, two, three, four, that sounds great.

We should probably tell them about the 10 count. He needs to know about the 10 count. Pfft. Pfft. Yeah, yeah, right. I understand that, but he's, the company can't claim a tariff exemption for souvenir cheap.

Well, look, there's no need for name calling. Pfft. Pfft. Look, look, he's, I need to let you go. Eli and Noah here for our meeting. No, no, I'm gonna let him sit in any chair he wants. All right, okay, look, I'm not gonna talk to you while you're like that.

Look, I'm hanging up now. Gentlemen, hey Andrew. Present. Eli, I've told you before, you don't have to bring a gift every time you come by. I insist. Spark plugs. Yeah, they're from your car.

I wash them. Thank you. In the washing machine. Yeah, sure, of course. I got it. Look, how can I help you, gentlemen? We want to make a movie. Really?

About what? About Lawrence Fox. Who's Lawrence Fox? He's the star of this week's movie. He's the actor who plays Hunter Biden. I see. Yeah, we want to make a biopic about how Fox publicly opposed the George Floyd protests and opposed vaccination during COVID-19. And then after filing the Reclaim Party Fox stood unsuccessfully in the 2021 London mayoral election in opposition to what he deemed extreme political correctness. He gained 1.9% of the vote losing his deposit.

Well, gentlemen, since those are exact quotes from Wikipedia, I guess you could do that. Sure, sure. But can we imply that the reason he lost the election so miserably is that he was distracted drinking the urineably is that he was distracted drinking the urine of children that he buys on the internet? No, no, you could absolutely not do that. There is no reason to believe that's true. Well, right, sure, but this movie, look, I do not care with the lunatics from Breitbart did in this movie. I'm telling you, it's a bad idea legally to have a major plot point of your movie, be that Lawrence Fox lost his mayoral bid because he was drinking

children's urine that he bought on the internet that he bought anywhere. Okay. Okay. Can his catchphrase still be mama me. That's a nice tall glass of urine. I know. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an Italian accent. Well, Italian people live all over the world now, Andrew. It's true, they're all a- Okay, look, I am going to say this as clearly as possible. Please, please, do not imply that Lawrence Fox drinks children's urine, no matter where he bought it. It's not legally protected, and we have no grounds to put that forward. Okay, can we still use hashtag Larry DrinksP for the movie?

No! You ruined everything. Right, you hate art, Andrew. I could have been a senator from Texas. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Hunter heading back in from his his car conversation that lasted all of act two. To chat with Kitty some more.

This is where they forget Tyrone's name and he calls him Darryl. Yep. Send Darryl out for a glass of milk. This is where Kitty's like, Hey, have you seen all this stuff about your laptop? And he's like, don't worry, it's just for bright Barton's for idiots and white supremacists. And I had this thought I was like, when that stuff happens in their movies, are idiots and white supremacists watching this like, ehh, send my name in the movie.

Like, like some of my YouTube channels, I'm a patron, they'll say my name in case they have it. It's fun. It's fun. And I get it. Well, and kiddies like, they'll say my name in case they have fun. It's fun. I like it. Well, and Katie's like, yeah, don't let it stress you out. She's like, nothing that you could do could be as bad as the stuff that Donald Trump has literally done publicly. Like even the stuff that we're accusing you of

in every single instance is something that Trump did publicly, right? Yeah. So then I guess they fuck. I get so fuck is doing a lot of heavy lifting. So I can't like I keep waiting for Eli's doodly do here about how you know the writers room of 15 people who have never had sex. Other than in the missionary position with a sky daddy above them looking on disapprovingly

would would have to write a sexy right because that's what you get in this movie. Right, right. They kiss a little bit and then they just like go below the camera while I was like and would would have to write a sexy right because that's what you get in this movie right right right they kiss a little bit and then they just like go below the camera while I was like and then I guess he puts his penis in or that's when I pee my balls into your butt. So okay so then we cut to their post-coital incriminating exposition. She loves him now, by the way. So one of the many lies that this movie is pushing is the hooker really likes you, bright part now.

Yeah, right, right. But he loves her too now at this point, right? He's like, that was the best sex ever. And she's like, in what ways, in ways that our writer knows about, that our writer knows all about the sex with women. Your boobs were like bags of sand. You were so true. You were perfect together.

It was definitely no infection going on. And you said sharp clap, sharp clap. And then we have a debate over what the movie says next because I swear he said Usually to come I have to do something with pinky, but but but you guys have kinky down So he says I usually have to do something I'm with you. I think he says with my pinky and then she says oh, I can do kinky So I think they're both I think you guys are both right But and at this point she says oh, oh, by the way, my name's not really Kitty, it's Grace Anderson.

And I'm just like, oh, fuck you. I'm not, no, no, I have you as Kitty. You're going to stay Kitty, God damn it. And note by the way, that even later in the movie when she is talking to her non porn evil underworld contact, they still call her Kitty. Yeah. Yeah. The movie forgets that just like it forgets poor tyrone's name. Also, yeah, right. Also, so he's like, hey, I have a gift

for you. And it's a gift a lot, Eli going to Andrew's office in a skit. Class, glassful of sneezes. Yeah. Some Tootsie roll water. Yeah. All right. He's like, look, it's a picture of me and my dead brother when we were kids. And she's like, but why would I want that? Is it get advances the plot in some weird way?

I don't know. I don't know. And then he proposes he asked her to marry him. And she says no. And she says no, because that's not how their crazy story goes goes even in their head. And okay, by the way, just in case you weren't annoyed enough by this fucking movie, starting here, there will be an unanswered ringing phone in the background. Yep.

There might as well just be a bunch of people with long fingernails and chalkboards walking around. Yep. For the rest of the scene. And it is right on the level of Weird Al's albacurky, right? Like it rings for the next 11 minutes. And it's unbelievable. Yeah, and she's like, okay, well here, I'll tell you what, I'll make you a deal. You're still obviously worried about the laptop thing. Why don't you just tell me all the incriminating stuff

that about you and then I'll know what to keep secret. And he's like, that's a great idea. We could really get the rest of the movie out in that manner. And she's like, we sure could. It would make perfect sense now. I would not have to sit in the car with the guy who thinks he's Kelsey grammar. This is brilliant.

So yeah. So he apparently act two was about Ukraine. Now act three is going to be all about China, right? So he's like, you know, China's a pretty sticky topic for me and my dad. And I'm like, you know, Trump's daughter was literally granted 18 Chinese trade marks in two month period. Well, it was present at one point. You know that right.

When he says, my dad and I don't talk about China. I wrote in my notes say movie same. And yeah, so he's like, but you know, so anyway, so I was peddling my influence illegally in China when and then just then somebody comes to the door at somebody with a hotel and they're like, yeah, I've been trying to call you just really annoyed the fuck out of Andrew and Eli and Noah, but you have to leave. And he's like, no, I'm rich. So I'm going to throw money at you until you go away.

But here's the thing. He throws money at him, but then he's throwing credit cards. He's like, look, I got a bunch of credit cards is, is having a bunch of credit cards bragging because What's this another maxed out discovered cards? Yeah, I'm gonna need a bigger wallet So yeah, but so but they don't kick him out apparently and then we cut to a fuck it to a different Host coil ex-position scene right in the last one she didn't have a shirt on, but in this one, she doesn't have pants on. Yeah, it's doing the classic dress shirt and nothing else, which she will have for the rest of the film, even though they're gonna be in different locations, I really wanted it to like slowly gross sweat stain

and start dancing. I ate flexing food. When she leaves it a half later, she will not do so with pants no no so but he's still telling her about all his shady dealings in China so we get we flash cut to him meeting Chinese big wigs yeah we flash cut to him meeting Chinese big wigs to a music note that I can only describe as you're trying to start a fight with a Chinese guy and you're in the wrong. The music is so offensive that I mean this, if I were to do an impersonation of it on

our podcast, I would be like, eh, feels a little problematic. Yes. Right. Yeah. Just picture your grandma doing some racist stuff against Asian people. Did you do it? You nailed it. That's the music right now.

It's a cut to China. And the voiceover, Hunter Biden is saying, yeah, you know, it's a, I was meeting all these Chinese bankers. It was like meeting the head of Goldman Sachs. And I'm like, was it like meeting the head of Deutsche Bank? Sorry. Yeah, so they're, they're tying more yarn to more push bensies's like, and that's when I help China build fighter jets and take over rare earth minerals. Yes. What? What seriously, like, I get the sense you're a little, you know, more adjacent to crazy town than than no one I like. What even is this supposed to be?

Thank you, Andrew. Okay. Thank you, Andrew. I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked because this is very important. As you know, the banking company that Hunter was temporarily on the board of was part of an international banking conglomerate. And several companies from China were also part of that conglomerate. borrowed money from a bank. Yes. Yeah. Okay. All right.

That was it. Was it Hunter Biden's bank? You asked no, but it was a bank that was part of the bank conglomerate. But let me put it this way. You know how famous serial killer Ted Bundy banked at Chase. And so do you. No, serial killer Ted Bundy banked at Chase. And so do you. serial killer Ted Buffy.

Understood. Understood. Got it. My chase guy listens to this podcast just so you know, there you go. Hi, Dave. So and also, like once again, in this stupid fucking movie, they have to have him say now, of course, everything that I did was entirely legal and just like, Oh, and then why are we even talking about, in this stupid fucking movie, they have to have him say now, of course, everything that I did was entirely legal. And she's like, oh, and then why are we even talking about it in this hit piece? We're just making shit up. Not just that.

They also have to admit that when Hunter Biden found out that there were members of the bank in conglomerate loaning to these Chinese companies that had these the various things, he actually withdrew from the company entirely. They admit that at some point in the movie. And they're like, yeah, but you know, he didn't give all the money back

like the end of a fucking Batman movie or whatever it is. He's put it in the tube. But before he can tell us any more of this convoluted conspiracy shit, he's gonna need a little more crack, right? Yep. So he smokes a little crack and we continue on.

And she's like, wait a minute, aren't the companies in China communist? And he goes, well, yeah, it's a communist country. And she says, so what you're doing is really like communism light. That's the actual line that they gave her. And he's like, yes, I am making millions through my communist corporation. Yep. My big money communism connection.

So, so yeah, so we see a meeting with more Chinese people communistically. Okay, I know that this scene is identical to the other scenes. I know we got to move on, but I have to talk about the birds. Because he meets the Chinese guy and the Chinese guy is like, do you like birds? And he's like, I don't know. And he's like, this is my fetish. He's just fetish?

fetish. I feel like someone should tell the people who wrote this movie that that's not what the word fetish means. Or the people who wrote this movie introduce their fetishes way too openly. Honestly. Oh, you're like this table. I lie under it while people shit on me.

That's um, now let's get you that tip for that pizza, huh? All right. Oh, and of course they're trying to do, you know, more corruption stuff. And so this Chinese guy he's meeting with is like, hmm, you know, it's such a shame I'm having a lot of trouble getting my daughter into this very exclusive Manhattan school. If only I knew someone who could help me with that. Do they have to say Manhattan? Come on, like get this. Literally, Alan Weiselberg was indicted for this.

Like, they could have said any other place on Earth, like what connections does Hunter bite to have to Manhattan? Like, this can't make sense even in their own fucking universe. Why is this movie to like this to my poor brain? You know the liberals and the little love China and the Chinese put their school in Manhattan. This is so good. You were CFO. I'm sorry.

I'm trying. I'm trying to keep it together. Oh, well, but so also, but while Joe Biden was vice president, according to this movie, Hunter accepted gifts from Chinese people. Oh, Oh, Oh, actually, sorry, sorry, wait, I have to clarify this actually all happened while Trump was president,

the thing that they're referring to actually happened after Biden was out of office. Yes, but he could be in office again someday. Yeah, absolutely. Well, exactly. Also, at the very end of this scene, right, where he gets the credit cards and the gifts from the Chinese guy, they turn to camera and they're like, hey, technically, we didn't have to do this. This wasn't in China.

It actually took place not in China, but we wanted to do more racism. So that's where we had the birds and the... Think about how much more racist this music would be if this just happened in like Baltimore. Yeah. Bang, bang, bang. Is this a radicent? Why is a radicine have a goal? I, I get clients from time to time, not revealing any of them here on, on the air, but who

will ask like, Reggie, if I put the knee, you know, if I say, and it's just my opinion that, then I can say whatever the fuck I want, right? And I have to explain to them, no, no, right? Like you, that's not some kind of magic words. And I, and I think nobody told the people who wrote this movie at Breitbart that, right? Like, yeah, I think they're just like, I'll see like we have crazy wacky, racist music and a bird fetish or whatever, then like we can say anything, even outright lies and call it an opinion. By the way, not the standard. Yeah. I appreciate you not mentioning me outright. Just saying that some of your clients

are very classy. I appreciate it. You're welcome. So, okay. So now he's going to elaborate on some evil loyering he did for a guy named Patrick Ho who turned out to be a spy. This is where they imply that Hunter Biden helped people steal nuclear secrets because of his connections to the White House. Again, not to put too fine a point on it, but you are. You did that. You've released this movie. At one point, there was an in office conversation where they were like, hey, guys, you remember

that part of the movie we're about to release where we accused Hunter Biden of releasing nuclear secrets. Do you think we should release that the day that they announced empty folders full of nuclear secrets were found on our sides golf club? It is shit. That moral logo. Yeah. Yeah. But then they're like, and she's just like, oh, wow, so you were involved with a Chinese energy company, and he's like, yep, I sure was. She says, was that nuclear energy? He says, yeah, sure was.

And she says, that has nuclear, the name is like, right? That's scary. Yeah, basically the bombs that'll be used to vaporize our children in that right, grandma. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, and then there's this other part where like some other Chinese guy that was tangentially involved with Hunter Biden's cousins, nephews, roommate or whatever was also busted by the FBI.

And his last name was also ho. Right, but the racists who made this movie know their listeners and viewers. So they had to be like, as a different guy. There's not as this was. So again, dear listener, this is not Eli Bosnick doing one of his patented bits. This is the movie puts up in the subtitles, a different toe under this guy because you know, it's like Smith over there with these people. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? Like, hey, it's not funny, but like, you would not have been funny if this were 1964.

Like, this is not funny. Yeah. Well, and then, and at this point, she's like, well, did you divest from all the companies that he was involved with since he was a criminal too? And he's like, oh, John Kerry's kids didn't divest from them.

And we're all like, what the fuck is even happening now? What the fuck are you talking about? Also like I like how because they're like, you know, the Bob and Jill Hines, you know, of the like Teresa Hines Carey who was married to John Carey and I'm just sitting there going like, oh, you mean like the Heinz, like longstanding Republican Senator John Heinz, oh, we're not going that way for the qualifications now. All right.

As it turns out, just to be clear, second cousin, John Kerry inventor of Al Gore's internet. Yeah. Yeah. The Heinz, just to be clear, the Heinz family has been involved in Republican politics since the beginning, right? For a hundred years. And like the reason her name is Teresa Heinz-Keri is because she married out of the family and into John Kerry.

So anyway, yeah. Yeah. And then this is maybe the most tenuous connection that they draw and they really just need to shit out of it. I love this one so much. This is the best one? So he says, well, you know, at one point, I invested in a company that made facial recognition

software for the Chinese government and Kitty. It says, oh my God, you know they used that software to genocide the weavers, right? You're basically responsible for that now. And he's like, oh my God, I am. I'm just so sad. Yes, Kitty, who up until this point has happily listened along while he gave nuclear secrets away to the Chinese government is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

A facial recognition company? Did you not know that China has real quote from the movie millions of cameras? They do have a lot of cameras. So that part's true, Eli. They do have my camera. And let's say this, they found a genocide, right? They found a real terrible thing happening and they managed to get almost everything wrong about it. And it's starting off with, we learned for the third time emphasized that that Kitty's connection is through some like Christian missionary group over there that, you know, cares a lot about the Wiggers and I just, I just want to be clear. Like, so the Wigger genocide is horrible.

We should be doing everything we can about it. They are ethnic Muslims in chat, right? Like, yeah. I'm pretty sure the Christian nationalists who made this movie do not give a damn about the Uighurs in any shape sensor fashion. Right. Yeah. Also, the Uighur genocide not largely being operated through facial recognition technology. No, they're in concentration camps. Yeah, you're not unlocking your iPhone. And it's like, red one eighth-weager, ah, shit, they're coming.

Fuck, there's a little, ah, I shouldn't have done, find my friends, they're gonna get, find my wiggers, this is an after thing. So, she's on all the iPhones. They, why didn't they just have Hunter Biden develop that, right? Like, since the movie is only not based in fact anyway. Right. Right, why didn't they just have Hunter Biden develop that, right? Like, since the movie is only not based in fact anyway. Right.

Right. Why didn't they have him just in the concentration camps killing some weavers with a machete. Why not? Yeah. And some younglings him and Salman Rushdie back to back facing down the leader. What is your movie?

You're not constrained by truth. Nope. Yeah. And then the moment we've all been waiting for, it's time for the tragic backstory of Kitty. Sure. The fucking sex worker, the person he's just bouncing his exposition off, she's like, loud, let me tell you a little something about me. And we're like, oh, good. Let's get some tap on this bio. Yeah, Kitty so far in this's get some depth on this bio.

Yet, Kitty, so far in this movie would have been poorly written for a Philip K. Dick female character. Yes. It is, she is nothing. Yeah, but no, but she starts explaining that she, you know, when she was a kid, her parents were missionaries in China and her friend who she called Aunt Ming was taken to concentration camp because she was a Weger Muslim apparently. The Christian missionaries were doing a shit job with it.

Yeah, really fucked up with Aunt Ming. Let me tell you. They heard there was another sequel. They got super excited before they knew it. Dan's got a caran. We should also point out, like again, not to make any joke about the Weger genocide because it is terrible. She is just saying whatever the fuck you're crazy antists, right?

Because like the Weger genocide, they're like, there are concentration camps and I'm like, yeah, there actually are concentration camps and they're stealing their organs and I'm like, they're not stealing. No more. Also, Ming, she goes, this is the best. She goes, Ming was raped and then she disappeared and we haven't heard from her since and I'm like wait So then how do you know she is right? That's unlikely left behind a note just so you know we

Right at one point they're like and you know the weager genocide also includes forced abortions And I'm like oh must be really rough for people not to have a choice in such an important decision. So it must be really bad. And then this is where the movie implies. This is the best. So good that Dehunter Biden intentionally left his laptop with the hopes that Rudy Giuliani would find all the incriminating evidence because he secretly hates his dad and wanted to take his campaign down.

The, the wherein sides your head, Hunter Biden attempt of these soulless, notless, empathelist ghouls is so fucking, the only thing I can relate it to is that occasionally our inbox will have a Christian who's like, I know deep down in your heart, you love Christ, but you're afraid of his life. This is the movie version of an email I get to and delete before Noah tells someone to fuck themselves. Yeah, she says, I wanted to, I you wanted to get caught. He's like, no, I didn no, I did not, did not.

He yells, I lost my nan, tuck it, which makes only slightly more sense if you've watched the entire movie with all of the fucking delivery of why is the doll burned, right? I lost my nan, tuck it. I lost my hand. I lost my bride's share comes in and slaps him. But she's like, you know what? I'm out of here. I lost my bride's share comes in and slaps him. But she's like, you know what? I'm out of here. I was like, don't you want pants?

And she's like, no, I'm leaving. So she leaves a Joe Biden calls apparently to reconfirm their verbal commitment to the cover up. Yep. I guess they just needed a phone call to happen at this point. Oh, and this is where he learns that Trump was just impeached for the whole Ukraine thing. So now he doesn't have to worry about the laptop because that's really the reason they didn't tell the media didn't talk about it, the laptop.

And you get kitty turning it to the camera and it's like in her best side show Bob voices. Like, yeah, they're reaching it for obstruction of Congress. turning it to the camera and it's like in her best side show Bob voice is like Yeah, they're reaching it for obstruction of Congress is that even a crime like And then there's this like serious moment where everybody on the screen kind of looks at each other is like right But what is that though? We actually really like to know where we've done some shit here at the office and which Think it might it back to us. If they're supporting the list, I would like to be honest. And we would like to be honest.

Yeah, right, right. So, okay, so she goes out on the porch and she's like, hey Tyrone, he wants to talk to you. He still thinks your name is Darryl. Sorry about that Tyrone. We, I hate it. I don't know how to tell him. So he says, hey, quick before you go, I secretly recorded your entire conversation with Hunter

Biden while you were talking to him this whole time, I've had this recording. Even even the parts when it was just the two of us together and I'm going to flash back to that five minutes from now, yep. Yes, right. Yeah. Even though we've been in different locations, yes, I was recording the whole thing. I've been in the other room of all the locations, including the one where you were fucking in.

What about the fireplace? See, right. The implication here, of course, is that Tyrone just generally records her fucking her clients. So yeah. That's a weird guy for Hunter Biden to have on his personal payroll. I just want to say it. I'll put the marker down on that one. Okay, judgy. I'm sorry that you don't have a full time camera person to record your fucking Andrew, but you know, at a certain point, you buy and bulk to save money. I'm not having this. So she leaves Tyrone goes into Tottatoa and he's like, Hey, can you make Katie come back and he's like, really? That's you sent her out to get me to ask me to ask her to come back. Is that really what we're going with? He's like, that's apparently what we're going with.

We don't have anything else. So she goes outside and she's listening to the incriminating evidence that Tyrone gave her. right? As Andrew said, even the parts that were fucking, he was in the car with Joe Biden. Yeah. He just recorded the movie is what he recorded. And then she calls her dad. Now we've established several times in this movie that her dad is a real asshole and she hates this guts, but he's a lawyer. So she's calling with law if for with lawyer advice from him, right?

She says, hey, if I found something that's really incriminating, but it's incriminating into my side, what should I do with it? And he's like, oh, you should talk to Rudy Giuliani. You should talk to that bastion of legal knowledge and integrity, Rudolph Foward, Gianni. Yeah, so we cut to her later. She's first we see her in the shower because again, the production company's like, and then

you would probably get naked. Gotta take a shower. Gotta take a shower. You just got home from your big day of breaking up with your boyfriend. A sit shower. Yes. Right. Yes.

Exactly. A sitting down shower. Hey, look, we've all taken some sitting down showers since 2016, Andrew. There's no judgment of a seated shower on this podcast. So, yes. So, but she's in the shower, try to wash all the hunter Biden off of her. Oh, and I just have the musical note here of boy, that indie country start demanded that his demo tape be played at full volume. Oh my god. Oh my god. Holy shit.

Was that annoying? Yeah. Oh, it was like, apparently there's a level below Mumfordon's sons. And this was that. This is, all right. This is just the sons that are dead. Blossomers around and telling us what is and isn't good music. So, okay.

So she's fresh out of the shower wearing a negligent like you do. Like you do, of course. When she gets a call from Lorenzo at the fucking strip club concierge or whatever the fuck she was supposed to be. And she's like, hey, good news, that client that you are with, he wants to pay you a lot of money to come back and have more sex with him. And she's like, no, I'm done with all of that. No.

Lorenzo's call is, hey, we have a huge payout for you. So long as you stay quiet and we're even going to call it a retainer like a hundred percent this dialogue was lifted from Michael Cohen's trial. Like, well, they even have him offer to pay off her student loans. Oh, because that's just like a Biden, right? But then, okay. So Hunter's very heartbroken because she doesn't want anything to do with him. And then she calls her reporter friend Bob.

Now we know he's a reporter, because he's typing on a manual tie prider from 1964. Yeah, he's not just a reporter, he's a reporter from the past. He is wearing a fedora. Yup, while typing on his typewriter with a press pass stuck in the brain. Ah, it's so good. Yeah, but she's like, I have a story for you.

We need to meet in person. And he's like, all right, let's go to like a park bench early in the morning when it's foggy. She's like, oh, that'll be great. Yeah. So we got to a park bench early in the morning where it's foggy and her and Bob the reporter are going gonna meet. And she's like, have you heard about Hunter Biden's laptop and he goes, oh, for fuck's sake,

I got up early, went out in the fog. Good dammit. I have a, you know, I have this muffin place that I love and I was like, I'm gonna be late if I have a, I love that muffin. I have to have a neutral green bar. It's dangerous to drive and fog like this, by the way. I should let you nice and yeah. So again, just side note, Bob the reporter changes out of the Fedora.

And in this scene, I swear to fucking God, he's dressed like Roger Stone. That does not happen by accident. That's not a look that you stumble into in your closet. You have to say, oh, I'm going to pull the full Roger Stone today. Yeah. Yeah. I like Roger Stone wandered on to set and was like, he's not dressed nice enough here. I've got an old Halloween adventure penguin costume. You can put him in there. There you go. Can we tattoo Richard Nixon on his ass? Right. Yeah. I have a tattoo gun plugged into my fucking cigarette lighter.

Right. And so, of course, they have to like try to tackle the question of if all of the, like that the premise of this movie is true, why is there no evidence of it, right? That's what the scene is doing. And so she's like, look, I've got Hunter Biden admitting to all the stuff Breitbart's been saying about him on tape. Here it is. And he's like, no, I don't want

that. No news media in the mains, the, the lame stream media would publish that, right? They wouldn't want it. And even if they did, Google and Twitter would ban it with their algorithms. Mm-hmm. Definitely don't do that thing. I advised you to enact one of type in Hunter Biden laptop into. Yeah, exactly. But part of the scene rings true, right? Like because you can see it on Bob the reporter's face when she's like, I have brought you here to talk about Hunter Biden's laptop. And you can see like just the, oh, you're fucking crazy person. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. That one was not hard for them to mine on that.

Yeah. Well, right. And yet another example of this movie, like trying to seem precognitive to Uncle Frank, she's like, let me tell you about Hunter Biden's laptop and Bob the reporter's like, what are you of some fucking Trump supporter? Right. Because that's exactly what Uncle Frank is going to get told when he tries to tell people about this movie later.

Right. And she's like, no, I'm just a hooker with a heart of gold and a super big conscience when it comes to what I imagine the weaker genocide to be. All right. So, and then we cut, so she's back home, she's fresh out of the shower and in a negligee again, you know, because that's mostly what she has. And then we cut to her, like, okay, we cut to the person who wrote this movie just like his mentions on Twitter, right? Right. So she's, she's sitting there on her phone and we see on screen stuff, things like,

you know, you're fucking lying bitch, you're not see mega slut, you damn Trump supporter, all of that shit's coming up as though those are the texts that she's getting. I really appreciated that like all of the insults and then it was just Trump supporter all of that shits coming up as though those are the texts that she's getting. I really appreciated that like all of the insults and then it was just Trump supporter and they were like, that's the one that hurts the most. Right, yeah. But just then, she gets a message from none other than Rudy Giulia. Oh, you have to see only person on the internet that was nice to her. You have to, you have to stop.

I, I had to pause the movie. I watched this twice and both times I had to pause the movie here and just I, I, I, I'm weeping howls of laughter. This is the man that a congressional committee went out of its way on national television to describe as drunk and flatulence on the likes of that, right? Like I just wanted to cut away to the Breitbart Writers Room where Sidney Powell is like, go, you could have picked me to come save the day

and then everyone got a eyes and it's like, come on, Sidney. And she's like, I know. I love for so God damn long. Yeah. And then of course, we cut to a news report of a fictional news report about how thanks to Rudy Giuliani, all the news stations that used to suppress this story now have to reckon with it.

And we all know that the binds are a crime family. I just, I'm sorry. It's really true. I'm never, I'm never gonna go for this. Why, I just, yeah, a little bit of message here for Jim trustee, a little bit of message here for city pal, for, for, for, for validation with, for every lawyer who has

cuddled up to Trump over the last six years, you need to own up to the fact that Breitbart compared you. Yes you to the guy who booked four seasons total landscaping while literally melting on screen and chose that guy instead. I hope you cry yourself to sleep at night, Jonathan Turley. God. So, yeah. So, in their little fantasy, Hunter gets arrested for the things that even in their movie,

they admit weren't crimes and Trump wins reelection. Yeah. And then my stupid gay needs apologized and it was just a phase. And it's totally right. You never have to use pronouns again. I walked back into that car wash and I was like, give him a charm back and they were like, you can have a back man.

You weren't jerking off with the hose. You were just testing it in the smartest, most efficient way possible. I put command, put your name in here for his list. Honestly, if the rest of this movie was just its author's curled in a ball singing that song to the blue. While the cameras were repossessed by whatever company. It would be the perfect. Just rattled with their COVID costs. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

But then that turns out to just be Kitty's dream and in reality, the truth never did come out. We see her. She's moving away. And you know how you were really tied up in her relationship with her dad at this point. Yeah. Yeah. They reconcile.

So oh, good. And as they're getting their big hug again and and and fixing their relationship She turns to the camera and she says and I quote But maybe in the end the truth itself has become the fairy tale What He who questions trading He who questions trading. So yeah, and then so the credits roll and we get news footage of like every news source in the fucking world going everything in this movie is stupid and not true.

This bullshit. I literally was just the fun. I get because the only possible way this makes sense is if you think a reputable media outlet saying, well, this is obvious Russian disinformation means it's the opposite of that. And I'm saying they're going, you do know like you were guys, like Republican Senator Richard Burr signed off on the Senate Intelligence Committee report that said the Russians did exactly this in the 2016 presidential

election, right? Like, yeah, this is not a grand conspiracy to like, oh, as if the Russians would ever interfere in an election like, yeah. Well, either it's staturist, it's their lawyer going, no, no, we ended the whole movie with a bunch of news clips saying that this wasn't true. How could you possibly imagine that we, but they have to get in more lies. Oh, right. Like they say the New York Post published a story on this and then got banned on Twitter. And again, but not to steal their effect check, but like it's at NYP OST on Twitter. Yeah. There's that. There's the only thing they say that is kind of a guess you have to give them that is that like the news media finally acknowledged that Hunter Biden had a laptop. Yep. Yeah. He had a laptop after all. Got us. Got us there. I can

I you're one step ahead of your last conspiracy theory, which required there to be a pizza parlor with a basement that didn't have a fucking basement. Right. So good, good, good. Yeah. No, great job. But hadn't in the right direction at least. All right. So I guess the obvious question to close things off with is assuming that this movie has the kind of success that Breitbart was hoping for what right wing conspiracy theory do you want to see him make into a movie next? Oh, the one about how Joe Biden sent his coaked up son to negotiate with Russian oligarchs and intelligence operatives to build a giant hundred story building. We can even call it a tower with with Joe Biden's name on it.

Downtown Moscow during the middle of a presidential election. And he's paying campaign manager could have managed the campaign of the pro-Russian stooge and I'm sorry, I'm getting the club. I just want to point out, Joe Biden did that if everyone around, did sign up, disclosed, recreates, including Stormy Daniels. Oh God. See, and I was going to go with a high film about Antifa faking January 6th. Oh, there you go. That can be one one.

Did we, we've left unstated that our kitty protagonist and the MC at the sex club were also part time Antifa agitators, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We introduced it in the beginning. Yeah. Still, but that got lost, I think, by the end of this important to remember. Yeah. All right.

So I guess that's going to do it for our review of my son, Hunter, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to tantalize you for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Shelley, a young American girl, is attracted to two men for their idealism. One is a missionary out to change the world to the power of God's word. The other is a terrorist who plans to change the world through bombs. We'll be watching 1979's Crossfight. Oh, I've been waiting on this one.

Okay, so with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up so 369 to a merciful close. Nice. Once again, a huge thanks to Andrew for helping us out with an on pretty short notice. This week, be sure to check him out on the opening arguments podcast and clean up on Ile 45, which you'll find linked on the show notes. And it perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to cut yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. So I got off on there by your own early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show and all

your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings' shows and scanning ideas, citation data, D&D minus, and the Skeptic crowd available wherever pie gas lip. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, you can get them all out on movies.gmail.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law of this as a P.A.D. Routoirs.

Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotting, the little drafts on Mars. All the music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Carcom was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check here today at this week for Ethan Wright, Neil Ibozdi, and I'm an Illusionist,

promising to work harder on another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes. Every single person who paid to watch this movie also sent $19.95 to Steve Bannon to help build that wall and they are very confused as to why those evil crack-smoking Democrats stopped him. Gina Carano went on to nothing.

Seriously, look at her IMDb. It's got cobwebs on it on our filmography. Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. Right Bart News nervously looked at the smoking, dead, charred body of Keeby Farms and mumbled to itself. Does anyone else hear drums? Hot!

Yeah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Andrew, I hear they're looking for somebody to take on. Uh, Queen Elizabeth's Corgis. You have, uh, Oh. You have all of them. I will turn my house into a corgie preserve. I'm a good make a great new queen. Yeah. That would be the easiest way to get it all taken care of. Yeah. Shipping all those poor corgis over the ocean. That's right. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on the thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2022. All rights reserved.