God Awful Movies - 370: Crossfire (1979)

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

On this week's episode, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of Crossfire, a movie that asks the age old question, "which is worse, a terrorist or a missionary?" ...and then accidentally gets the answer right. --- You can find tickets for our live show in NYC on 12/17 at this link. Or you can see us live in Manchester at QED by following this link. Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

That's a great point you've just made. I'll read one of the longest most boring books in English history because you were like, no, uh, yep. I wish that worked for other books, right? I know that happens all the time in the Christian movies review, but I wish I could just be like, oh, and you haven't even read proofuss 3 book series on a memory on a rumination of one's own sexuality and the relationships that represents? And it was just like fine fine and then Mon, I don't want to wait! Woooo! Woooo! God awful!

Movie! Movie! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Eli Bosnick Eli, how are you this fight after news, sir? Live Christmasacular in New York City. Oh, right. Yeah, though was the 13 seconds in. That's a new record. But yes, we are doing a live God off of movies Christmas acular, whatever the fuck that means in New York City on December 17th.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. Well, actually, yes, in this case, absolutely, this theater is a bit smaller than the ones that we usually book and we're only going to be doing the one show. So if you or a gambin who's hard to shop for during the holidays are gonna need a ticket, you wanna get them now, they're gonna sell out quickly. God of a movies live.com. That's right, you can get your tickets at

godofambooslive.com or check the show notes. Anyway, as I was saying before all of that, sitting 4100 miles to my later and sitting patiently through Eli's hijacking of the intro is the host of the original cohostes skeptic with a K project director for the good thinking society and editor of the skeptic UK, Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back, sir. It's a pleasure to be here. And you know what? I don't mind sitting patiently through Eli hijacking the intro because it turns out sitting patiently through

things I'm hating is something I'm getting a lot of practice out at the moment. Right, oh, speaking of which, where exactly in the queue to see the Queen's dead body are you right now? How many hours? I'm about 16 hours away from seeing her, but that's lucky because I start acuing just before she died, like a couple of hours before she died. I thought, you know what, I'm going to start cuing at Westminster. I've got a feeling something's about to go down reasonable, reasonable, which means, you know, I've barely had to piss myself while waiting for her to know how to easy. Very civilized. I think it's weird that Charles is walking up and down the line, scolding people, telling

it that long he waited for her to hang out. I am in the weird position where I know for a fact that the king of my country hates me because I know I know some of the stuff I've said and done about him and his advocacy for homie opities. So yeah, I know that the monarch hates me. Yeah, that's awesome. Nice. Hated by the king.

That's a pretty cool nice. Yeah, I've got 200 year old status. Yeah. And he's my brother in the art of magic, because we're both part of the magic circle. So wow, really nice. Watch your peas and cues. All right. So moving back to the God of a movie show we're doing here. Tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? Oh, so we watched Crossfire, which is the 1979 story of the put a recon liberation movement as viewed through the only lens and perspective that actually matters. A white blonde girl from Missouri.

Yep. Yeah. On vacation. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you're struggling with the age old question, who's worse terrorists or missionaries, you will be the best movie. Look, I'm not saying I picked this movie for the week after 9-11 on purpose, but sometimes these things just work themselves out.

There. Is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? these things just work themselves out. Fair. Is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, yes, yes, yes. I want to say best worst to perfect was restaurant scene, which we're going to have to get to it because it constitutes a sizeable percentage of the runtime of this movie. But I mean characters visit a restaurant and then we watch them eat to music for a

disc concert in a long time. So long that I started to think, am I just watching an ad for this restaurant that I'm going to have a weird terrorist subplot? Yeah, in a movie filled with superfluous scenes, this scene seemed superfluous. Yes. So I'm going to tease you with one best worst Bible reading scene. Right? Almost every movie we've ever best worst Bible reading a scene. Right? Almost every movie we've ever watched.

There is a scene usually right at the end of the second or beginning of the third act where one character reads a Bible and has a change of heart. This movie I believe is the worst it's ever been done and the best it's ever been done. Interesting. That's a tease indeed. And I'm going to take a sort of strange angle here. I'm going to go with best worst Identical movie at 1.5 speed. Thank you Okay, so if I could part the curtain here, you know, I usually watch the movies once occasionally

I'll get to watch them twice but on that second watch through I'll watch it at 1.5 sometimes 2x speed What I realized in having the time to do a 1.5 watch through because this movie is relatively short is that it is truly an identical movie at 1.5 speed. It's just a little like the pacing is the same, the scenes are the same because they're so little talking and everything's done in montages and people in the 1970s apparently walked at three quarters speed. It looks exactly like I was watching in a regular speed. I cannot communicate how many times I was watching this at 1.5 and I clicked the thing to be

like, oh, it must have turned off and gone back. Nope. That is 1.5 speed. Right. Well, so for me, I actually, I almost wrote the exact same best words that I had to leave it out because you don't already written yours in. But for me, it was that I kept like hitting the skip forward five seconds and it was the same scene.

Right? Like the restaurant scene, for example, it's like, well, they're still eating that, they haven't even moved on to dessert yet by God. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we're about to watch a movie where colonialism is the hero. So I think everybody needs a break to ease themselves into that, but we're going to be back in a flash with all the enigmatic montages that are crossfire. Yeah, we're basically watching this out of respect for the queen. Colonialism is not

too bad. Lizzie would have loved this one. Hi, I'm no illusions. And I'm Eli Bosnick, you know? We probably shouldn't say whether we have a favorite advertiser on this show and if we did, we should probably say it's some, you know, great cause like online therapy or badly named shoes that help the environment, but I can't lie to you podcast listener. My favorite sponsor of our podcast is Trade Coffee. But Eli, what's Trade Coffee? It's a coffee subscription service

unlike anything you've ever tried before because they partner with top independent roasters to freshly roast and send the best coffees in the country direct to your home. On your preferred schedule, but far more importantly, when they became a sponsor, they gave me a free account. So that's why they're your favorite sponsor

because they gave you free coffee. Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, it's far more than that. You see, they also created a special collection just for me and Heath. Seriously? That's right. Heath and I worked with the team at Trade to create the new God Awful Movies collection.

It's a selection of our favorite darkress that we've gotten from Trade, so you can wake up to the exact cup of morning Joe as us Down to the very bean. All right Eli, but what if I don't like what you've chosen? Then fuck you, Marsh. No, no Eli. I mean and if what I got was an up your alley, don't worry Trade will have whatever it is you want you could shop their most popular coffees by roast or flavor profile or You can take their coffee quiz and get expertly matched with coffees you'll love. All right, Eli, where do I give it to try?

If you want to support small businesses and brew the best cup of coffee you've ever made at home, it's time to try trade coffee. Right now, trade is offering our listeners a total of $30 off your first order. Plus, free shipping at drinktrade.com slash awful. That's drink trade dot com slash awful for $30 off your subscription to the best coffees in the country. And I should know because I picked them trade. My favorite sponsor who I love the most out. Okay. And I said to her, look, if you want to vote, that's one thing, but I'm not acknowledging AIDS

until the president does. Oh, well, good for you. Hey, hey guys, thanks so much for coming. Oh, no problem, Mitch. So what's your big movie idea? Right, right, straight to the punch. Well, it's a love story, right? The discursion, I don't know, Mexico, one of my, what I don't know, it's just somewhere Spanish and she meets this guy.

Right, he, he forced himself into a car and then he demands that she dates him, right? Well, exactly, classic being cute, but yeah, yeah. But then she finds out that he's a terrorist. Oh, I hate when that happens. So they get into a big fight. Classic woman behavior. Right, yeah.

And so she starts to fall for the other guy instead, but she doesn't know how to choose. Sorry, she doesn't know whether or not to choose the terrorist? Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, that seems pretty obvious to me. Come on. Yeah, I mean, why would she not go for the guy who wasn't a terrorist?

Well, so the other fellow is a missionary. Oh, that is Trekkie. It's he? Is he hot at least? It looks like Bob Ross. Ah, Trekkie. Oh, no, for me, that wouldn't be at all. Really? You guys don't want to fuck Bob Ross? I do not want to fuck Bob Ross. Ah, tricky. Oh, no, for me, that wouldn't be at all. Really? You guys don't want to

fuck Bob Ross. I do not want to fuck Bob Ross. Bob Ross, the painting guy. I like him, I don't know how to do this. Be some good ASMR stuff, yeah. Yeah. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open things up on a little old, time bomb assembly, right? And it's so fucking stupid because they have like the ticking sound in the background as We're gonna open things up on a little old, timey bomb assembly, right? And it's so fucking stupid because they have like the ticking sound in the background as we look at this giant alarm clock that is winding, but he's winding it.

Like what the fuck would be ticking? Right, and the thing is, it's not even like a giant alarm clock. He looks like he's using a wall clock. Like I have that on my wall, because it's like a teacher for the room. It's so huge. Yeah, yeah, it does seem weird

that he has to use the whole plot. You feel like you could at least cut off the giant bells at the top right? There's gotta be some fat to trim in this book. And the thing about the fact that it's literally ticking, like, surely, this is the fuse, right? So why is a ticket? Is it counting down while he's making? Is he just like a Jamie Terrace who needs to work against the live feud and all this don't feel anything. So also he's like, he's like really waffling on the time for a second. As he's setting it, he's just like, yeah, I think I'll, but you know what? I'm gonna, I'm gonna make it a little more exciting for myself here.

I think. Yeah. I'm so mad at how long it takes this dude to set his fucking mom. He's just like, oh wait, the big hand is for the me. I'm glad we didn't get the three handed ones. Those are confusing. I know the second hand's always moving, but it's just confusing today. So we do watch him make this bomb for so long, but I started to worry that this was an instructional movie on how to make a bomb. Yeah. Did Andrew definitely sign this one off? So yeah, so he builds the bomb. We get the title crossfire. Yeah, crossfire,

the thing you don't get with a bum. Yeah, right, right, famously, there are no guns in this movie. I almost went with best worst title, right? Well, especially because it makes it so hard to Google, there are 4,000 things called crossfire. Oh, yeah, 100%. There's one of them that wreaths really highly on IMDB and rotten tomatoes and that really threw me 97% really really But not this one no no no so he sets out to do a little bombing the music is pretty sure he's gonna fuck that bomb Right. Oh, yeah, let's just say the music throughout this movie is always sure a porn is starting. And based on the acting, I don't blame the real. Yeah. No, that's fair.

I guess maybe in the 70s, just all the music fucked. It might just be that. But anyway, so he takes his bomb to some kind of well guarded place of some sort or whatever. Is it well guarded? Is it really not well guarded? He walks up, he puts his bomb down immediately next to the gate to this well-guarded place and the guard looks at him and goes like, yeah nothing to see here, absolutely fine. Like, if the guard's job isn't stopping Strangemen putting suitcases down near the building, what is the guard's job? Just sitting down in my case,

hello, do you like not being blown up? That's cool. Then by forever. So, Mars, they had see something and they had say something back then. They just hadn't put it together yet. I would take a couple of decades. And then, and I just have to point this out, he walks away and we cut to the briefcase for so long I swore it was going to have a line. Right. I thought the briefcase was going to be like, here I go blowing up. It's a a living. Yeah. So okay. So he wanders off and then he stops to ask this blonde lady. This is Shelley. What time in it? Right. Oh, it's so good that he asked me the time. I'm going to be like, yeah, do you have the time? Because currently all my clocks are currently part of a comically oversized bomb. So I'm no way of telling the time anymore. And she's gives the weirdly specific answer, right? She's like, it's 302. Right.

Like she knew that he needed to know the time for bomb detonation purposes. But wasn't the bomb going to go off at half past one? I thought he set the bomb to 130. He's like, Oh, God, no, it's 302. That means means the bomb's gonna go off in 10 hours. Yes. Yeah. I want to be. And what's amazing is right, it's very obvious. First of all, I want to go through him planning this, right? Where they were like, great. So you'll make a whole suitcase bomb.

You'll plan it in front of an embassy or whatever. And then you'll just jazzer size your way into a car. Yeah. No, that's my way. Yes. In a beautiful powder blue suit. A beautiful powder blue, three-piece suit. It's, it's a, that's who fuck. Yes. In a beautiful powder blue suit, a beautiful powder blue three-piece suit. It's, it's a, that suit fucks to, yeah.

100%. So yeah, so he asked her what time does she's getting into her car and he's like, Hey, why don't you give me a ride somewhere? And she's like, no, and he's like, I'm going to get in your car anyway. So either it's a rude hitchhiker or a polite car jacket where I haven't decided yet. Yeah, I've never seen someone bundled into their own car. It's the driving thing to their own car. Yeah, and again, he's trying to do like all this weird sexually aggressive slash pushy

stuff in fast motion. So he's like, hey, what is a lovely lady? You know what we actually don't have time for this? Get in the fucking car. It's our driver. And keep in mind that for the movie, this is a meat cute, right? This is a meat cute. Yes, they have. Well, it's 1979. I guess this is how, you know, this is a meat cute. Right. This is a meat cute. Yes.

They have, well, it's 1979. I guess this is how, you know, this is how you met a lady back then. You would hit her on the head, drag her back to your cave, whatever it was. So yes, so they drive off and there's an explosion sound in the background. She's like, what was that? You think he's like, I bet it's hats. Construction. He goes construction. She's like, no, yeah, I bet they use bombs for construction.

Yeah, I'd probably go into a mountain here in town, yes. I mean, she may have been confused because the sound effect was much more 10 pin bowling than super. Okay. Yeah. I've been quite got the sounds kept right. Yeah, which they also don't use in construction by the way. So he's like, hey, turn into this terrifying alley and she's like, yeah, sure. Okay. And then she says they drive into this kind of slummy neighborhood and she goes, what is this called? And it was like a neighborhood. What what are you fucking talking about? What is it called? Again, the soundscape here is very much like primary school playground. You can hit children just playing games loudly in the background, like they're just like

driven straight into the middle of a playground at the school. Right. And he tells us it's his barrio. And then we get these ominous cuts around to people very clearly just living their lives, but it's 1979. So we're supposed to be like, Brown people. Oh, right. Yeah.

Right. Everybody where they're just hanging out with the windows. Yeah. So she goes to drop mom. He's like, hey, do you want to come in? And she's like, Oh, right. Right. Everybody where they're just hanging out of the windows. Yeah. So she goes to drop mommy's like, hey, do you want to come in? And she's like, Oh, God, no. What the fuck are you even? I'm being cardiac, essentially. This is where we learned his name is Paulo.

That was also where we learned that her name is Shelley and that he'd like to take her to lunch to thank her for the ride. And she's like, no. And he's like, I'm going to be at your hotel. And she's like, you don't know what it is. He's like, it's such and such. And she's like, no, and he's like, I'm gonna be at your hotel. And she's like, you don't know what it is. He's like, it's such and such. And she's like, oh, fuck. Yeah.

Now I have to date and fall in love with you because he guessed where she was staying. Because the thing is she says as well, you know, like, well, you know, I'm not gonna go for date with you. I don't know you. And his response is, how are you gonna find out? Look in the library. What?

It's like, yeah, now you can find the Dewey Decimal System under 363.325 for terrorism. Which, if can find the Dewey Decimal System under 363.325 for terrorism. If it is the Dewey Decimal System, according for terrorism, I did look at it for the purpose of that joke. Yes, there was so little for up to research in this one. He's like, what is Dewey Decimal? He's got Morse code for most of his notes at the end of the thing. I also love the idea that like the only way to get to know someone is to date them right now exactly the way they tell you to. Yeah.

Yeah. The 1979, so this was a meet cute and not the intro to a horror movie, which is what it would be today. Oh God, yeah, yeah, this movie is treating him like he's a scoundrel than what we've seen, which is a sexually aggressive terrorist. Yeah, exactly. Right. He's fresh off murders, right?

This is how he follows up murdering people at random. Yeah, he's got a fresh murder boner and he's looking somewhere to plant it, I guess. I really wish you wouldn't. Okay, so she drives off and she has to stop and ask some random person for directions and then I just stopped and I basted in the glory of GPS as I remembered what a fucking

nightmare. Some random person's directions were. Oh, yeah. Jesus. Her attempted Spanish is terrible as well. It's just the, it's very much Brit abroad on the Costa del Sol kind of thing in Spanish. Just like, if they don't understand you, just just say it slower and say it, Landu, they can't understand that pretending they don't speak English. Everybody speaks everybody speaks the Queen's English.

Well, they didn't look like a week ago. Right. Right. Right. Both of them. Yeah. English. Yeah. See, and I wrote in my notes, she's talking like how I imagine Marsh ordering in a Taco Bell

sound. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, she stops and she asks, hey, do you speak English? She's like, no, this guy does. So, she hands him over to Bob Ross. Now, it's not and she asks, hey, do you speak English? She's like, no, this guy does. So she hands him over to Bob Ross. Now, it's not really Bob Ross, but he looks enough like Bob Ross that was the fucking difference, right? We never learn if he can paint.

But yeah, so she's like, do you speak English? And she's like, yeah, I'm from Nebraska, apparently, or something. And she's like, oh, great. And she asks for directions. And she's like, oh, sorry, you're a tourist. And she goes, how did you guess I was a tourist? What the hell else would you be, lady? Yeah, not a lot of natives don't know the language

of the country they live in. Yes, it's that you just ask for directions to a fucking hotel. Yes, exactly, specifically, deal hotel. It's pretty obvious at that point. Yeah. So yeah, it's those, and she goes, so what are you doing here? He goes, well, have you ever heard of Christianity?

Oh, yeah. No, they opened for earth, wind and fire. Like, I saw them somewhere. Like, look, he knows she's a tourist. She's not a tourist from Mars. So she has a Christianity, yes. Yeah, that's an exact quote. By the way, I'm not exaggerating what he says.

He has like, yeah, I mean, I feel like she has also, so he gives her actions, but he gives movie directions, right, where they don't really think it through or anything. And so it's like super vague. Oh, yeah. He's like, you're going to go up here about three blocks or so. I'm like, I like more specificity in my direct. We're three to 26 blocks, you know, yeah. And then I almost went with best worst Bible rejection. When she's driving away. He's like here I have a Bible and she goes, Oh, no, no, I have one of those. It's um, it's next to my collection of signed hip-hop CDs I got a fan square. I mentioned yeah

Good all my copies of big issue that I bought and all And like not to criticize the Christian missionaries tactics here, but he's handing a copy of a Spanish language Bible having first established, he doesn't know Spanish. So really nailing this one. So, okay. So then we cut to the next day where she, apparently, she went on that date with Paulo. She went over there with him. Why?

Why is she hanging out with a terrorist who basically threatened to stalk her unless she saw him? I'd, yeah, when 1970s man, I guess. Why is she hanging out with a terrorist who basically threatened to stalk her unless she's so in? I'd, yeah, when 1970s man, I guess. So yeah, so and and we have this like, I guess it's supposed to be this little cute bit where she's like, what's this? And he's like, it's a pinia colada. But she and she's like a peanut colada. What?

But it's so long. Yes. It's so fucking long. It's so fucking insanely long. But, guys, this movies on YouTube, you should watch it only to watch these actors stare into each other's eyes, both thinking I can't possibly say the words, be in a calada again. This movie can't possibly call on me to repeat these lines another time.

Well, God, it's like that acting kind of gain that you have to play where you've got to say the same phrase, but with different intonation, different meanings, you have an entire conversation with just the same phrase. Peanut Kalada. Peanut Kalada. Peanut Kalada. Peanut Kalada. So, yeah, but there's an older couple that's on the other side of the restaurant.

So he goes over to them and he tells them some kind of story, right? He gives them a shady story about how her parents just died. And you remind me of them. And we were wondering if we could buy your dinner like in Dumb and Dumber. And they're like, why? Well, absolutely. You can buy our lunch. That'd be great. Well, thank you so very much. And I just like to throw out there that if they had named this movie Dumb and Dumber, it would have made a lot more sense. I didn't know what scam he was trying to run here. But I thought I hope he charges their

meal to her hotel room. Like yeah, he does bombs, but he also is like more low key high jinks terrorists. He still just like, just like, so good for this. Yes. He does. The subplot of this movie will be, oh, Pablo, you scamp. Yes. Committee.

Minor theft wherever you go. It's very strange also know what you'll know because you're an old person What year did they end the policy of if someone nods that you across a restaurant? It's probably fine for them to pay your check Actually, that's still in place. You'd be amazed all right nice. So yeah, so now he goes back to the table Mm-hmm, and they get there on track. Yes, and for the Nice. So yeah, so now he goes back to the table and they get their entree. Yes. And for the next, I'm going to say three minutes. We watch them eat that entree. Yes. Right. That we watch a montage of them eating that meal. Are you allowed

to call it a montage? Because montage is typically like time lapse, time passing. Is it even a montage if it takes longer than the actual event that it's depicted? Because yeah, I timed this. I timed this. This is a 55 minute movie. This is my best worst. It's a 55 minute movie.

And 45 seconds of them of this movie is a music montage of them eating lasagna. That's 1.4% of the real time in some tire movie. It's one shot of them eating one lasagna. And then the way he comes along and asks if she wants dessert. And I wanted her to say yes, and then that'd be the rest of the film. And it was just an ad for the fucking result.

Oh, okay, one point here, he snaps it as waiter. I'm like, okay, I want you to explode now. You should. But yeah,, he snaps at his waiter. I'm like, okay, I want you to explode now. You should. But yeah, then he does the whole thing. He's like, oh, and that couple over there is going to be paying for our check. And the waiter's like, I have no follow-up questions. Yep.

Nailed it. 1979. I saw that head nod. I know everything I need to know. Yeah, exactly. So then he takes her to a jewelry store, so he can steal her bracelet, right? He does the grossest thing people do where the person's like, how much is that? And she's like, oh, he's like, too expensive. We're leaving.

Yeah, but it's worse than that because she makes the lady in the shop get out all of the jewelry from the case before she asks how much it's what it costs and like do that before you make a go get the keys and come back Then unlock that case and get it all out and then you the first question. How much that cost? Oh, no, no, thank you No, put that back right yeah, not even a haggling situation, but while the case was open Paulo reached in and grabbed the bracelet So that was the the real scene was that he was stealing stuff Yeah, and then they get out of the store and he hands the torch and she goes like, Oh, Paulo, you just stole

$100 worth of jewelry for me. Didn't you? Yeah. Aw, like what a naughty boy is what the movie wants us to think? Yes. He wants that way from ruffling his hair, essentially. Right. Right. Yeah. You scammed cook. Get out of here. So and then, okay, we get what we recognize in retrospect to be a montage of several different dates that the two of them go on. Oh. And by retrospect, Eli just noticed. This counts as retrospect. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's true. It did take me a while because the thing that threw me is that he changes outfit in the shots. And I thought it was the same did because we see the day getting like progressively towards

the end of the day. So they've done the food and then they've gone to the shops and they've gone for a little walk in the beach and now it's sunset. But the thing that threw me was he keeps changing outfit. But then I thought, well, hang on, he was wearing that powder blue suit during the day. And now he's wearing a full orange outfit at sunset. His powder were chameleon. Oh, there he goes.

He just kind of blend into his background. Yeah. Well, you know, he's also constantly robbing places. So he needs to change disguises. I'd like Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, no, I had written in my notes. I just, I first I assumed he had just stolen new outfits for him. But no, this is a different day. I was really hoping we were going to get a montage of them stealing wherever they went, right? Yeah, there you go. Oh, I'll

never forget me and Anna's first date knocking over that liquor store. The way she pissed the whip to that clerk, I just need to know. Right now. Because then the next shot is them like flying a kite. Yes. And I thought, I really hope he stole that kite. I hope the shot just like pans back and there's a crying kid. Background next to a briefcase. I really want to see. I guess. Can I talk about my favorite part of this montage?

Right? Because it's all typical stuff. But then he appears to be introducing her to a parrot. Yes. Right. Like it feels like a meat. My friend scene. He's like, yeah, no, this is one of my close friends. He's a parent. Yes. Right. It feels like a meat my friend's seen. He's like, yeah, no, this is one of my close friends. He's a parent. And introduce him to all the women I date. Yeah.

And I was just writing steal the pirate steal the party. If this movie had any bold, any commitment, he'd have a pirate in his shoulder in every scene from now on. For the rest of the movie. Absolutely. So much better of a fucking movie. But yeah, they admire tropical birds. They fly kites. We see them romping the surf together. A little splash fight happens here. Okay. Can I just say this is the least realistic thing in the film?

I would content. I'm going to throw this out there. There has never been a happy loving splash fight. Never. There's no romantic couple in the history of time. Has anyone ever splashed another person with water and that second person gone, oh what fun, I'm a rat house. Well, yeah, so with the exception of when you're already in bathing suits, kind of, yes, exactly. There's never been a fully dressed person who got pushed into the water and was like,

I'm into it. Yeah Jesus and we should point out by the way This is four Minute just shy of four minutes of the movie as this montage of them in different outfits flying kites and meeting birds It's a 55 minute movie. Yes, that's that this is a decent chunk of what we're seeing In what is later going to be an epic struggle for the freedom of a country amidst terrorism and missionaries. It's five minutes basically of them like, he's a pirate.

Yeah, he's a beach, a bit of food, a nice cream. And also their date montage eventually takes them to on the bandend readout. Yep. It seemed like a weird, like not the most romantic spot on the beach in my mind and they climb like a weird rope Latter into it. Yes, but the music still thinks this is part of their adorable date But it's them sort of scaling an abandoned All right, well tell you what in a movie this damn near all montage you got to just insert breaks kind of randomly So Pollo and Shelley are in love and we've earned a break, but we'll be back in a minute with even more

Crossfire Alright Roberto now remember we have to set these bombs to go off at 3.40 p.m We got it Okay, oh we don't um we don't have digital clocks for that. That wouldn't work with the, with the bomb. We just, we have to use these, but it'll be fine. It's fine. Right. Yeah. Of course. Of course. So I, um, I said it to the three. That's a small hand. And then, oh, 30 is six, right? Because it's halfway and nine is 45. Can you not tell time?

No, I can. It's just the numbers are a little hard to translate in your head. You kind of have to be looking at it there. There we go. Great. All. No, no, Roberto, that's 240. It needs to be after the three. Okay. So do I move the big hand around or do I do I move the small hand a bunch until the big hand? I know you move the small hand all the way around. Okay. Right right small hand around We're going for three 40

Fort yet three 40 right which is the nine no Roberto Great, okay, so now you blew us up. Well, you know what next time maybe spring for a fucking time X You know what, next time maybe spring for a fucking time, X. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. And we're back for more of this shit. As you recall, we left off in the middle of a fucking

protracted dating montage, which is gonna resolve at the ruins of this old Spanish church where Shelley and Paulo are chatting. Yeah, he explains the business is thinking place. Yes, I feel like I just do that everywhere I go, really. I mean, I don't want me to brag, you know, but... They have this like, will he tell her or won't he thing? But it's the most insipid conversation ever. She goes, what do you have to think about?

And he's like, stuff. Well, right. Yeah. Cause, you know, it's supposed to be this whole like, all right, well, you know, but now she has to learn the real truth about him. But they've been in like six or seven different fucking outfits during this montage, right? Like, so they've been dating for a while now. So when she starts asking basic questions, like, so what do you do for a living?

It feels a little out of place. Yeah. What was she saying to him over the previous five outfit changes? What was the conversation? Where in fairness, that conversation, everyone of this conversation was, where did you get that piece of jewelry? Where did you get that ice cream? Where did you get that parrot?

It was just stealing stuff and we're asking where it came from in fairness. Yeah. Well, maybe it was that she kept asking him that and he's like, you know what, I can't think in this place. I only have this one location in which I can think I won't be able to answer a question. Just constantly shitting himself. I have no rectal control out here. He does have a geographically located ability to say different things though, because this

is thinking place of what do you do? And then his answer to that question does not take place in his thinking place. No, he takes it to like his nearer hood. But I love the idea that that conversation actually happened in real time because it sort of feels, first of all, she says, you know, what do you do? And they walk into the thinking place. And then we skip like someone just pressed X to skip the cutscene because it just ends up. But when we see him next, he's on the street and he answers the question. Right. And I genuinely hope he didn't say a single word to her until they got to the street. Like she said, what do you mean, you know,

the things? And then he silently walks up the little brawl platter and silently goes down it and silently walks across the beach and walks all the way to the slums. Then 45 minutes later, he starts to answer that question. Well, it gets in the car. They drive 20 minutes to his favela. Yeah, so it's, it's, this is thinking spot, but this is his talking spot. Yeah, but he takes her to this bar, he's like, uh, see, look at all of these people and all their poverty. What I do for a living is I help these people. And she's like, can you be more specific? He's like, I help them. Help, she's, she's, she's, help.

Quiet, I'm doing my walk and talk through the neighborhood. Yeah, god damn it. This is some guy just stops him and thanks and he's like, oh, hey, you help us. That's very nice. So if you appreciate it. Yeah, they find this little kid selling apples and she's like, oh, good, are you gonna steal for him? And he's like, no, we only steal from white people. And I wrote in my notes.

I mean, I don't not get it. Yeah, no, it's fair. That's fair. I love that she was totally down for robbing the eight-year-old otherwise though. That was pretty good. Yeah, right. But no, I thought we were just stealing. He's pretty small. We could get all of his apples, Bob. Also, they do, and this is a thing I had to look up, but they do introduce. He said that I want you to meet a good friend of mine, a little friend. And I thought that is very close, so close to say hello to my little friend. I had to look up whether this film came up before or after Scarface. It was before this wasn't an MSIC TV about the introduce it to.

Like we said earlier, Marsh was really desperate to do some research And in case anyone's wondering what scars and faces are in the Dewey decimals So they wander on and a little deeper into the neighborhood They come across missionary Bob Ross on a loudspeaker, right? And and Paulo has exactly the same reaction to a street preacher as I do and I'm not comfortable with that. Oh, God, he's instantly irate at the Jesus preacher. And like, I mean, I don't not get it. Right.

Yeah. So now I just get so excited to talk to them. So it's a very different. I'm like, oh, oh, I'm going to wreck his day. I'm going to wreck his day. I'm going to wreck his day. So yeah, but he gives this speech where he's just like these people come in here and they try to sedate the population with their bullshit, religious platitudes and they cause more and more poverty.

And I'm like, that's a good point. Actually, that's, I will use it. Let me write that down next time. Nice to see you. We all very quickly forgot about all that robbery and got on team power, right? That's the only one. I forgave the bomb at that point. I said, yes, I'll go for it.

Look, sometimes he got a bomb. We did. We all got a little bombing here and there. So, yeah, but so he's all angry and he's like, Hey, do you really want me to tell you what I do for a living? And she's like, I mean, we've walked all this fucking way now. Obviously I do. He's like, well, I think it's time we went to my terrorists cell hideout.

Oh, you hate when a guy just brings his girlfriend to your terrorist cell without asking everybody, right? Well, they do. They do, right? So they walk in everybody's yelling in Spanish. We watch him yell in Spanish for a fucking eating montage length of time. Yeah. To be fair though, I can confirm that this is what a room full of political activists looks and sounds like. I mean, the Spanish, one of Spanish-speaking ladies is just basically yelling who the fuck

is this woman and why you brought her here? So she's absolutely right on that. Like, can I second that? Is this lady on holiday? Colleague, yeah. Why is she even here? I completely agree. Right, yes. So we haven't really explored that question,

but what the fuck is she doing here? She's been here six, seven dates worth, right? Long enough to fall in love with this guy and everything. Is she just done a European length holiday? Yeah, how long have we montage for? Because either this lady's got very deep, very quickly, or she takes a lot of time off work. She just like vacations and put a recor for a long time.

Maybe she's an ares of some sort. I don't know who the fuck even knows. But yeah, so his terrorist cell was all pissed because he brought an American in. And while she's like, while they're yelling at each other in Spanish, she notices over off to the side. I don't know. I honestly cannot tell what the fuck she's looking at. It's shot in a shadow and the footage is old, but whatever it is, it freaks her out. It's so good. And I'm so excited to tell you she notices that they have a newspaper that

says, we are terrorists. What? Yeah, no. It's not the newspaper, yeah. But she sees something else. So I guess based on what she says later, I guess they're bomb parts. Yeah, it was either dynamite or a load of sausages.

Oh, yeah, no, she does. She gets a peek at the dynamite room. Yeah. It could have been like, oh, these are people who keep sausages just on a table. I want no part of it. Yeah, well, that's fair. keep sausages just on a table. I want no positive. Nothing good to come of this. Yeah.

I'm just going to get food safety matters to my family Pablo. So, but yes, but then she comes across the newspaper clippings that they've kept of all the terrorist attacks they've done. And she can't speak Spanish, but she can speak enough Spanish to figure this out. So she's ready to go. She bails. I really wanted her not to get it right. She's like, no, she's terrible. She's destroyed a vacuum bomb. Maybe that's a band we should check out later. Anyway, so what are y'all doing? You're a little clump. But instead, she just awkwardly backs

out of the room. They're yelling. I got you know what I got to go for the thing by parking meter by. Yeah, she's like, look, I was only in this for the robbery, but if it's for like some sort of cause for like, you know, people, I'm out mindless crime, not for a purpose. Come on. It's the American way. Yeah. But so she leaves. And she says as she's leaving, I'll meet you at that bar later tonight.

And I'm like, oh, that's smart. Make him think that you're going to, but no, she goes to that bar. And she does. She's like, I, I mean, do you be in a terrorist? Just not with a whole big group of terrorists. I guess I don't even tell me there were women there. terrorists, I guess, I don't, you didn't tell me there were women there. But yes, so we cut her to her drunk at this bar. She's all shit-based.

And there's another guy buying her drinks now, right? He's like, hey, you get you, you, uh, brahmantish. And I, I really hope this meant that she's been picked up by some other random local character. And then we went on that journey as well. And she just makes her way around Puerto Rico finding out their life stories. Yeah, it's something you'll be charming. Yeah, no, but then Palo comes in and he's like, hey, stop buying her drinks. I'm going to buy her with alcohol, right? And the guy she's been talking to at this point just gets up and leaves with the error man who's been

putting quarters into the slot machine all night, only to see someone else get the payout the first time they call a handle. He really does. Come on, I've been loading that machine up all night. So right in the middle of the bar, though, she starts yelling, you're a terrorist, aren't you? Those were bombs at your house. weren't they? And he's like, is there on the air?

Is today, hello? Yeah. But I mean, look, we've all been at the bar where this couple starts to have the fight. You want to do anything except here what they have to say, right? Just looking around the restaurant, oh, there's sports on the TV. And the thing is like she goes very big, very quickly. And then he reacts to her bringing up his, the bombs in basically the same way that I react to my wife starting arguing in public where he gets very quiet.

So come on, I mean, we don't we don't have to do this here. We don't talk about the bombs. We got all the people here don't need to know about the bombs. I know I know you're making a point, but let's make the point quietly. I'm not I'm not telling you to shut up. I'm not telling you to show. I'm not what I said. I just said somewhere else.

You can do you just say I show you just say a little bit. I understand that you're upset. I'm not minimizing you to shut up. I'm not telling you to shut up. That's not what I said. I just said somewhere else. I'm wanting to say it. I just want you to say it a little bit. I understand that you're upset. I'm not minimizing how upset you are. I've got every right to be upset, but let's be upset in a place where if nobody else needs to know that you're upset. We don't need to all be looking at how upset you are right now.

So yeah, so eventually he drags her violently from the bar and everybody in the fucking bar is like, oh, good. I feel like I would really like for someone to follow them, but they don't. So, they have a conversation, they have a screamy conversation, you know what goes great with screaming dialogue in a movie, along Echoey Hallway. Yeah. Jesus. And their screamy conversation is about how they're doing criminal murder plans.

And so, you've just walked out to the bar, you haven't walked into like a soundproof room, but you could still be overheard as you get admitted to murder plots. You're way too public still. Right, yeah. You did not enter the cone of silence that you seemed to be thinking. You're in the, also just the tonal shift at this point,

I was like, man, we're like two minutes from a splash fight montage and this will be. Yeah, right. I is taking a turn. Right. And I love the line. He pulls up. He was like, well, I thought you said you wanted to help me. And she's like, not, not murder people.

Come on. That's not fair. And he's like, well, I don't, you know, what I don't think this is going to work out at all. And they both go their separate ways. God, those are the hardest breakups, right? Where you know, it just, it just doesn't work out because one of you is a terrorist. Yeah. And there's nothing, I mean, it's no one's fault.

It's no one's fault. You just know. Yeah. It's a force. It's one of those no fault devils. The lack of compatibility. Yeah. It's.

So okay. So late that night, Bob Ross gets back to his hotel and he finds Shelley drunkenly singing to herself in the darkened lobby, right? How she drunk again, because she was sober, she was drunk, powder turns up, she was sober for the duration of that argument about terrorism and murder. And now she's passed out drunk again. Right.

Did she go back to the bar? What happened here? We don't know. And this is another scene. I think that plays a little differently in 2022 than it was intended to in 1979, right? Because what we're supposed to be finding out here is that he's a good guy. And when he comes across this drunk lady in the lobby, he gives her a safe wish to say, but what it feels like is he's just found himself a great opportunity, right? Like that's

how this slender 100% 100%. first thing he does is take the blanket off her. Yes, which I don't think you need to do that immediately. And then as he lifts up, he's just he is a very, very touchy man with this cat, a tonically drunk lady. Like at one point, he's behind her spooning her. Yes. For no real reason, while they're standing up. Right. Oh, do you need something to lay out lean upon? How about my pelvis? Yes. Yes. So much touch such an uncomfortable amount. And again, this is the good guy is just like, all right, well, I guess I have to grab you by your tits and fling you over my shoulder like a bag of animal feed because there's no other way to get you to safety and comfort. Let me push you

forward with my penis. Yeah. yeah, it's a every meat cute in this film is like a PSA about being wary of strange men while on holiday. Like where is the citizen music when you need it? We had since the music before. Where did that violinist go? Right. So yeah, but but she passes out in his arms and we cut to the next morning. He's sitting around reading his fucking Bible or some shit. Now, is this your best worst reading the Bible? Oh, no, absolutely. I thought I knew which one it was, but I did enjoy this one

because he's turning the pages way too quick. Yes. Yeah, yeah, like he's trying to remember where he was. No, I saw that bit Jericho and I was way away from Jericho. Definitely. What's this thing about Donkeys? No, I saw the thing about Donkeys. Yeah, I've never, you don't forget that after you.

Okay, and then we got to her waking up. She's on a goddamn water bed. Oh, I didn't know. He's not spot that. He put the pass out drunk ass woman on a fucking water bed. It's for the younger members of our audience, water beds were around for about four years between 1970 and 1975. They were like, if a bed was a punishment, or at least a challenge.

Oh, water beds were the fucking best. Is that you're going to bed? It's going to be a challenge to get back up again. Yes, exactly. Right. What you're in there, you're in there. Yeah. So yeah, nothing better for a fucking hangover. Let me tell you my water bed experience. But yeah, so she wakes up. He's, he's in there banging parts around making

breakfast. Oh, God, he could not be any more passive aggressive with the banging of the pot. Like it's so clear that he wanted to tell her to have woken up by now. So he's just like making noise in the kitchen. So he wakes up. Oh, so did I wake you? Right. I'm sorry, but at least you're out of bed now. Could you get the fuck out of here? Yeah. Yeah. Shit to do today. So he's making breakfast. He comes out and he's like, do you, can you tell me where my purse is? And he's like, it is at the end of your arm. She's holding it at the time basically. It's so comic-lead near her. It's fucking hilarious. So where's we do? Well, you're looking at it. So yep, that's what I'm looking at. Yeah. So she goes

back in and gets cleaned up, I guess. She has apparently a woke up in some strange man's room emergency kit in her purse. Oh, she's got to go back. Absolutely. Yeah. She apparently just needs to brush her hair after a full on alcoholic blackout. Yes. Yeah. She combed the hangover right out of her. Is this where she says to him, do I know you? Yes. And he says sort of, we'll talk about it later, which is a fucking sinister response. Like, yeah, you sort of know me. Let me tell you about a little thing called GHB.

You're gonna laugh about it. She says Christ. Yeah, if someone wakes up in your apartment and you go, it depends on what you mean by knowing me. They, especially if they're holding a Bible at the time, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. That person jerked off in your shampoo.

Not take a shower in that apartment. Also small thing, but I noticed he's got a guitar in the back. I'm like, yeah, fucking course he does. Oh, God, no. I know it's not. He's a missionary. He's got a visible guitar case behind him. Run lady, you are one plate of scrambled eggs away from him singing.

Come by, huh? Get the fuck out of that. Right. And this is where she's like, oh, you're that fucking missionary that tried to give me a Spanish Bible after I told Janet and spanish. But he's got this great line to where he's like, so do you always get passed out black out fucking drunk at hotels? Is that your thing or a bit bit judgey, but judgey, but yes, a little bit. Is this

why she says to him like because she suddenly starts talking about power law as if he knows who for compalow is. And she says power feels like you're pushing religion on to a lot of people who don't need it. And like they don't because at this point in the 70s Puerto Rico was already pretty religious and had been for like a century at least to statistically speaking, you are wasting your time here missionary missionary. They're all be on board with Jesus thing. Exactly. Even if there was such a thing as needing religion, these people wouldn't fit that bill. But that's the thing though. So let's take a second to appreciate what's actually happening. Who he really is, right? Because when missionaries come from the US to anywhere

in Latin America, it's because they're trying to de-catholic eyes, those people. Right, and I'm trying to turn them into Christians, they're trying to turn them into Protestants. Right, which keep in mind at this point in history is like being like, oh, you guys are drinking Coke zero. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Straight up Coca-Cola only, my friends.

Let me tell you. Right, I didn't realize I grew up Catholic, and I just assumed that nobody would ever want to try and change people from Catholic down a few levels into Protestant. Like once you're Catholic, you've achieved peak Christianity. Everything else is downwards from there. Protestants and people have got the balls to be Catholics. Oh, we're going to get emails.

Yeah, mostly from Northern Ireland, I think. Yeah, I'm sorry. Hey, as long as they're just emails. Yeah, right. It's a let it is. He's not taking it. He's going to let a print. You do not open the envelopes. No, not everyone needs to write into our PO box.

Okay, everybody is fine. They normally phone ahead. They always find the way. In fact, the weird thing is psychics in Ireland will weigh better in the 70s because they'd always say like, I think a bomb's going to blow up like tomorrow in the same place. And it always did. But I don't know what happened to the Irish psychic industry. It's a really dropped off a cliff in the last 30 years. So I think a few of them got dropped off clips. So anyway,, anyway, so they're arguing about the necessity of missionaries in Puerto Rico, right?

She's like, are you trying to ruin people's lives with your religious bullshit? He's like, no, I'm trying to subjugate them so that other people can ruin their lives. This is a byproduct of what we do. And just me clear, he sits on the stool in one of those cool pasta kind of ways. And I didn't realize it was possible to sit backwards on a stool on a stool. Somehow we sitting backwards on it. It's impressive. Yeah, for sure.

And then we had that cool pasta moment where she's like, you know what, when I was a kid, church used to bore the heck out of me. And he's like, yeah, me too. And she's like, Oh, really? So you must really understand my problems and be able to talk to me on my level. He's like, I sure can. Sure can. I'm hip with the kids.

Let me tell you. And he gives that stupid fucking line that religious people always give about like, well, I realized eventually that it wasn't the religion that was bad. It was the people that had kept getting in the way of it. And I'm like, well, since you're not a people, I guess that'll be fine then. Right? Like that's the only fucking way you can get it. And I'm like, well, since you're not a people, I guess that'll be fine then. Right? Like that's the only fucking way you can get it. It's weird that your perfect morality keeps turning out bad people. Huh? Yeah. Well, she, yeah, she kind of points out like, well, you

know, if Christianity helped people with their lives, I feel like the dark ages would have rocked, right? Well, it would have been great time to be alive. There was lots of record keeping. Okay. There was lots of record keeping. Okay, there was lots of record keeping. You're information. What, you don't like illuminated manuscripts? Well, of course, what do you really say there is well, they were Catholic, you see. So.

We'll talk to me about that. So. Yeah, but then so she thanks him for not raping her. And he's like, oh, yeah, no, it's the least I could do. It's like, it is though. It really is. It oh yeah, no, it's the least I could do. It's like, it is though. It really is. It's not just the least, super the least you could do. So yeah.

And then he's like, hey, do you want to run errands with me? And she's like, do I? Oh, God. And I thought, fuck, we're not gonna get a montage of these two now. Are we? This is gonna be in trouble. Back here, but then I thought, you know what, it'd be great if we did.

It'd be great if their montage was him being nice to the white folk, but then fucking over the locals, just like a nice little kind of mirror of power of it. He pays for his dinner at the restaurant, but then he just kicks that kid's apple cord over. It's bad because she's drawn comparisons between power law and this missionary Jay, and it could not be clearer how much I'm on teen terrorism by this. Yes.

I feel bad how on teen terrorism I am throughout this film. Yeah, I found it surprising. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Do you know what? Live for at least a week with the amount of subjugation to royalty that we've had to have. You'll suddenly start learning how to make their sukiy forms.

Honestly, it'll seem way more appealing to you. So the queue has gotten to a solid certain way. So they go out to run errands together. They have this weird scene as they're leaving the hotel where he's like, remember, you are drunk, like really drunk right there. And she's like, I do remember that just faithfully. I do. I was going through a really hard time and he was like, yeah, yeah. That's why would they need that scene in? Nothing is served by having that scene and just to establish why he found her.

Oh, yeah, I live above where you were. It's so strange. Don't put the scene in. Well, you're a looking in a movie that can dedicate 48 seconds to them eating lasagna. I feel like we had time for this scene. Yeah. So okay. So they head out to the print shop. He's got some Jesus flyers to come in.

There's what was great moments where they're trying to pretend they were having a conversation, like we're catching the end of it or whatever and they hadn't thought it through. Yes, I almost went with best worst ending of a conversation because she's like, and then I said to her, fuck, no, that was a set up for it. I am. And then I said to her, fuck, no, that was a set up for it. I am. And I said, how far away is the moon? And he said, what do you mean from Missouri or Mississippi?

Mm-hmm. Set up what it was you bought, Beau. What? Yeah. So, but I wouldn't, you know it, just as they're there for the, Jesus flyers, Paolo is showing up for some terrorism flyers awkward. Yeah. His terrorism flyer is called Liberty and Justice through rebellion and revolution, which is a bit of an on the nose title.

Yeah. Come on. What's the answer to that? Yeah. Also, hey, can we just commend the neutrality of this print shop? Just like, I print for everybody here at Tony's prints. I print for the terrorists. I print for the Catholic colonizers. I print for everybody. Protestant colonizers. I'll tell you. Come on. So yeah. So the two of them start telling each other off, right? Paulo starts yelling at Jay, the Bob Ross character, for all his missionary colonialism. And then she's like, oh, yeah, well, you terrorist with bombs, but he says, Paolo, you're a terrorist. How does he know Paolo's name at this point? Paolo doesn't seem bothered by the fact he knows him, but did everyone

know Paolo? Cause that seems like a really bad thing to be like a high profile local terrorist. It's true. It's a a tricky, tricky job description. Yeah. There's a great moment here where Paolo throws down all a J's pamphlets and shit and he goes, he says, and I quote, I spit on your religion and your books. And I'm just, if we had like an opening argument style intro, I would have grabbed that clip for it. Oh, I spit on your, yes.

Two votes. But at which point, Jays says, have you ever read it? Which to be fair is a very bold gambit given how few Christians have actually read the book. Right. Yeah, have read it. What do you think about this bit? Oh, shit. No, I bought a ball. I pulled the red ball. Get out. Get out. Red button. I'm like, I have Paulo. Save yourself time. You just listen to Bible peace theater. It's way better. Okay. Also, I should have to point this out when, you just listen to Bible peace theater. It's way better, okay? Yeah. Also, I should have to point this out

when Paulo rips up his fanflets, he at first is holding the full stack and does like a, yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And then throws it down and has just one. And he's like, yeah.

Now you can only give 99. So he does that to Jay's pamphor. And I really wanted to like Jay is a response to grab one of Pablo's bombs and like tear that in half. I guess. All right, all right. I took and play a bad game. This clock on he goes up to six now. So just make sure you're bomb people in the first half and half of the hour. So yeah. And then Jake gives him this weird challenge. He's like, I think if you were a real terrorist, you would read the Bible and see what you were against. And he's like, that doesn't oh, fine, fine.

Pallegis is like, you know what, it fill in this conversation. Yes, I'll read the goddamn Bible and make don't do it, man. That's a great point. That's a great point you've just made. I'll read one of the longest most boring books in English history because you were like, uh, yep. I wish that worked for other books, right? I know that happens all the time in the Christian movies review, but I wish I could just be like, oh, and you haven't even read proofs three book series on a memory on a rumination of one's

own sexuality and the relationships that represents. And everyone was just like fine, fine. And then mud out of one away. So yeah, so but Paul was like, you know what, I'll read your stupid Jesus book, but you have to stay away from my people. Right. And I thought, yeah, I bet Jays the first one to break that deal. Yes. How law reads a book, but Jay doesn't shut the fuck up about Jesus around town. Yeah. Right. Right. Exactly.

Once again, team howl all here, team terrorist. 100%. So, okay. Shop address or as well. Shop address. Oh, absolutely. So, so howl all storms off. Shelly follows him.

Right. They have to continue to have their yelling fight from the night before. Oh, I love that they have this fight over a perfectly placed corner of a fence, like a metal fence, like a railing, where they're both leaning directly at the camera. So I'm so glad you found exactly the right spot to be leaning together in this unnatural pose. That's just perfect for the camera. Lovely stuff.

Because you know how when you're yelling at somebody, you're very often both looking in the same direction. That's the reason. Yeah, and so he wanders off and she yells back, you know, you'll never be truly free, Paulo, and I'm like, well, I mean, that's true because the US has never reckoned with its ongoing colonialism, but I don't see why that's a point. You're favorite.

I don't think that's what she means. Right. Apparently she means that he'll never be free without Jesus. But the argument here is not the white American knows what's best for your content. Yeah. Power lot from Puerto Rico. That's the premise of the fucking movie. Yeah.

But you want to be free. How about being free to do what this white American lady says? That's right. He is. Yes. So yeah. So then he wanders off. We cut to him and his terrorists sell taking some pictures and scoping out the possible targets for their next big round of bombs. Oh, yeah. And this is the photos in front of places where they're all taken souvenir for just a them as a group in front of their bombing target. Just in case the police need to need some evidence after the fact that here I am in front of a explosion number one. Oh, there's there's the four of us. They're

also scoping out. I realized after the fact why this made sense, but initially I saw them scoping out various different bins to bomb. And I thought, okay, yeah, you're going to bring freedom to this country by crippling the refugees collection infrastructure. This seems like a long conversation. It's a very long game, bro. I love the conversation here too, because like the girl that's in the terror cell is like, we sure are going to kill a lot of innocent people, huh, Paulo? Huh? You love killing innocent people, right? Still. And I love that like we're supposed to know he's changed because his heart isn't in the civilian murder anymore. Yes, yes, right.

But I want to be like, okay, no, wait. Here's the thing. We don't need to kill people. All we need to do is blow up this town center at a time when there's not going to be many people around. So let's change the bombs to be it like 11 p.m. Let's fall in ahead of time to make use of evacuation. We can make

our point without killing people. Then I thought, oh, shit, I'm really on the side of the terrorists here. Why am I the ideas guy for their terrorists? Exactly. This is not good. Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you, podcast listener. A bunch of marshes know this week are just terrorists. Absolutely. He's got some blueprints in here. It's really scary. Shit. Yeah. So yeah, so they all wander off. He's got some blueprints in here. It's really scary. Yeah. So yeah, so but

they all wonder off he sits, he sticks around for a little while and watches all the unmerged kids walking through the square. Yeah, the rest of my notes of this scene is just a recipe for Napalm. I don't even know what to say. Oh, but when I do it on scepticrat, we got to have a big company meeting about it. Hey, be in the new guy. Oh, there when I do it on scepticrat, we got to have a big company meeting about it. Hey, be in the new guy. Oh, there'll be a big company of meeting on this one too. Oh, so, okay. So he goes to his thinking spot, right?

We watch it. We watch a thinking montage. Oh, my God. He throws rocks and he's like, looking at the surf guys, I'm thinking, like thinking is not a visual. Here. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, eb curls up and falls asleep and is burned out ruin of a church. I guess. All right. Well, I guess that burned out churches are taking a break spot because we're going to do that again.

But first, let me give back through the hard. So will we watch people eat again? Will there be a three minute scene as someone trimming their nails? Could they not find anything worth pointing a fucking camera on that entire beautiful tropical island? Find out the answers to these questions or whatever routes they have when anything worth pointing a fucking camera on that entire beautiful tropical island. Fight out the edges to these questions or whatever routes they have when we return for the harrowing-ish conclusion of Crossfire.

Hey, Marsh, what's the problem? Yeah, you texted us to meet you in the kitchen? Yeah, I sure did. It's not mailbox thing that you guys all day. It's so long. You mean, hello, fresh? Yeah, but with hello fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. You can skip trips to the grocery store and count on hello fresh

to make home-cooking easy fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. Well, you know, that might be, but these recipes, they're just all wrong. I mean, look at this one. Look at this one. They don't have you boiling this carrot at all, not at all. Well, that's because it's in a salad, Marsh. What's a salad? Right. British. Well, hello, fresh has meals covered with a weekly selection of 30 plus recipes and 70 plus convenience items all delivered to your door from gourmet meals to kid-friendly baking kits. Right. Baking. Finally. So what meat pies are they are they're going to be doing? Meat pies? Well, what are the kind of bacon is there? Okay. Plus, hello fresh works for your schedule. Plans are flexible and you can change your meal preferences, update your delivery day, and even change your address with just a few taps on the hello fresh app. It's true. Hello fresh

sent us a box to try and the meal for your righty was incredible. Even though the recipes were easy and fun to make, that's why I know illusions personally endorse Hello fresh. And right now you can go to hello fresh dot com slash awful 65 and use code awful 65 for 65% off plus free shipping. So wait, you're saying I can go to hello fresh dot com slash awful 65 and use the code awful 65 for 65% of plus free shipping. That's right. All right guys, I'm sold. So now the question is, do you think they're going to accept these corrections that

have made to their recipes? Well, let me see those. More boiling less spices. I don't know, Mars. But it's what the queen would have wanted. Well, that I believe. Yeah. Yeah. But it's what the queen would have wanted. Well, now that I believe yeah, yeah And then you'll plant this bomb right here Perfect and then the destruction will be maximal

Knock knock Roberto finally you wait, what sorry who the hell is this? Oh? This is Tiffany she and I are dating. Hi. Oh It's very nice to meet you. Tiffany, uh, Roberta, what kind of we're going to be talking about that thing today. So I don't know if this would be the best time. No, guys, guys, it's fine. She knows I'm a terrorist totally. She knows you're a terrorist.

Yes, Alan. She does. Relationships are about honesty. Cool, cool. Uh, so you just, you Relationships are about honesty. Cool, cool. So you told a random girl about our terrorist cell and now she's what, she's joining. Oh, I don't know about that.

We were just thinking, you know, we would like check it out together and see if this is something we wanted to do as a couple. Check it out. Look, it's not a fucking sorority here. Okay, actually, Dave Tiffany's in a sorority and they're really hard to get into. That's true, they are. Wait, she's in college, come on, man. She's an old soul. Also, Grace, can her body just have a beer yet?

Oh, just his soul. Okay, wow, I didn't realize you guys were such sexists. No, no, absolutely not. This is about you. No, absolutely not. This is about you. No, you guys have been gross about Tiffany since you met her and it's because she's a woman. It's very obvious. Well, I actually think her soul is the woman.

Her body still appears to be a teenager. Sexism, sexism and ages. You know what, fine, Tiffany, you're in. What terrorist ideas do you have? What do you want to blow up? Come on, baby, could tell him, tell him your ideas. We were talking about in the car. So like, what if you guys did terrorism?

Nice! See what if we did terrorism? I quit the terrorism. I wish I was a suicide bomber. I get that a lot. She does. She does get that a lot. And we're back for still more of this shit.

We're going to open this scene on some of the leftover bomb prep footage from the intro, I guess. Yeah. Never did I think we would have missed the swiftness of the bomb prep at the beginning of the movie, but this is obviously the b-roll, right? It's just like, come on, man. We have some extra. Yeah.

So we see that and then we see one of the terrorists is out dropping those bombs in detrash cam. So meanwhile, Paulo wakes up and is burned out, Husk of a church. And he's got the Jesus pamphlets that he tore up from before. He's got those littered around him, which means he tore that shit up and then put it in his pocket to dispose of it later. He did. Yeah. Which I guess makes sense because he didn't want to put it in the bin because he knows he's going to blow all the bins up. So he's like, no, I don't want to put it there

because I'll just get redistributed later. Yeah. Yeah. Then it rains Jesus pamphlet over the city. That's the opposite of what I want. Yeah. But so then we get my best worst, right? We get him reading the pamphlet that he's torn up. Now, they're gonna have him like read a section and then look around for the next section, but that's not how reading a torn up thing would work. No, unless it was turned into horizontal strips, right? So he would have to have two or three sections together at least, but yeah. It's also, it's one of those shitty pamphlets, right? So he would have to have two or three sections together at least. But yeah.

It's also it's one of those shitty pamphlets, right? It's not like the like we mean it. Please read the Bible. It's just like here obligation fulfilled. Now I'm a done teenager or whatever. So he's holding it. It's just so tiny in his hands. Oh god. He's just like trying to piece together this chick tract like he's doing surgery on a grape. Yeah, but also because he's not gonna be able to find it in the right order. I thought, is he gonna read this whole Jesus book in like a cut-up order, like he's fucking William S. Burrows?

Right, yeah, yeah. I just think we get some deeper truths from it. If we read it in like a randomly distributed order, you know, we learn some other sort of, it's all about the narrative of spontaneous creation rather than in the author or your intention, you know? That's what I'm all about. I also really wanted one of the seagulls

that was nearby to have stolen like a crucial bit of his Bible. Like the bit where Jesus dies. None shall get to the heaven, to the Father, but by. Oh, yeah. It's like he's going through and he's like, so Jesus did the miracles and then he was worshiped by people and

But I would get I guess that was it. I guess nothing bad happened from that on in This guy seems pretty cool. I got a fight. I guess he's still in Israel Son of God probably has magic powers and also they're trying to create suspense with a parallel edit here except for on one side of the parallel edit, there's a guy reading. And on the other side, there's a woman packing, right? Shelly is, I guess her vacation is coming to a close now. In-determined length holidays, he needs to be done. Who knows? Yeah.

And again, this is where I discovered my best worst that this movie was identical on 1.5 speed. The only difference is that the funky saxophone music is too fast. So it's like, that is the only difference. So yeah, and of course, this is all being interspersed with them planting more bombs. That's supposed to do all of the the work, the heavy lifting in terms of suspense, right? But the sound on them planting the bombs is undercut by the sound of the bomb ticking, which makes it sound like the clocks are so loud. Like, why would you get

to clock that tick that loud if you're putting bombs in a public place? Someone is definitely going to favor a quieter clock. You can use any clock. It's absolutely fine. You'd think you would think, yeah. So all three bombs get planted and then shelly goes out under the balcony at her hotel and talks to God. Oh. And so as she says, she's like, God, I don't, I haven't talked to you in a while, but it's act three now. So. I wrote my notes. I would love to hear what she thinks her problem is, right?

Because she seems to be like more in the, what do I do about my boy problems? And not there are three active bombs in the movie at this point. Yes. And also she's like, you know, I've got a problem. I thought it's her problem, the ongoing oppression of the Puerto Rican people. Oh, no, it's not. That's not who I am. Right.

She didn't see that as a problem at all. Not at all. Yeah. So and so she's like, God's not who I am probably is. You didn't see that as a problem at all. Not at all. Yeah. So and so she's like, God, something awful is gonna happen. If you don't step in and God's like, oh, so what? It's Tuesday. I will be fucking kidding me. That's always the case. Always. This is also where she asked God, you know, if you don't do it for the people,

do it for Paolo, which is a bit like, you know, if you don't do it for the terrorist victims, at least do it for the terrorist. which is a bit like, you know, if you don't do it for the terrorist victims, at least do it for the terrorist. For the terrorist. Run away around. Yes. Yes. Exactly.

Hold on a second, lady. So okay. So but eventually Paolo finishes his Jesus pamphlet or as Eli has it written in the notes, Plamphet. Plamphet. I wanted to be called a Plamphet from now on. I'm with you So but he finishes his plan fit and he stares out into the water with an all-new result He crosses himself apparently they went over how that's done in the pamphlet they must have yeah

And to find the diagram and now he prays, right? Everybody's talking to God now. He says to God, he's like, you know, I didn't know that it was true, but then I was convinced by the beauty of the language of the Bible and I'm like, oh, you're a fucking liar. So this is a fictional movie. Oh, yeah. But also, he says, I was never taught to read the Bible.

And I'm like, you read this morning, that was what that torn up thing was the Bible? Yeah, an afternoon of reading several excerpts, very much kind of an abridged version, you know, the lady bird book of the Bible. We had to turn completely from a terrorist into a Christian. Apparently, you got the Bible Caliph's notes. Yeah, yeah, that must have been the gist. So yeah. So he's talking to God. Meanwhile, Shelley is driving out to the

terrorism house to see if he's there. And she can talk some sense into him. And she walks in the girl terrorists comes out as she's coming in. And she's like, where's Paulo? And she says he's not here. And then Shelley yells, Paulo, when I'm like, she just said he's not fucking there, man. She said he's not there. This is why everyone hates you and our terrorists love us. I also, I love how she tries to talk the terrorists out of terrorism by saying, look, I get it, right? You guys wanna kill people and I'm totally on board with that.

But, you know, how about, don't, right? As I've done it, as I've done it, right? I've got it. Yeah, let me white sprained murder to you real quick. Yeah, huh? And this is where she realized she's like, look, I know that you guys are terrorists and you're about to kill a whole bunch of random people.

What are you guys getting all upset about? What's the matter? Why are you all slowly walking towards me? Really? She didn't think people might be slightly miffed that she knows they're a terror cell. So then we get this incredible chase scene. I have to imagine this was like not land because she goes to run away and immediately falls down, right? Yeah. Immediately she stumbles over her own fucking feet and falls down. Everybody else falls

down. She somehow still gets away. It's tomorrow in analogy from Eli. It's like the prolonging a game of Chase with a toddler. Her. She hurt everyone gets a bad case of horror movie running throughout the rest of this movie. Also fun fact, if you watch the rest of this movie at 1.5 speed, it is a lot of wacky shenanigans

instead of dramatic. Oh, yeah, Bob. Yeah, I'm going to be better. Yeah, Chaplin-esque, yeah. A legion of like 60s ladies come on in their underwear, they chase her around. Changes, they never end. They chase each other through different doors. Yeah, absolutely.

The bomb chases someone around. So she gets into her car. And her car will start because, you know, because it's suspense. And so one of the terrorists guys starts and decides, oh, I'm going to break this window with this rock. But he takes a lot of tries. It's so long. Everyone hits her windows at once with rocks and every single one of those windows, like

withstands at least five hits of what model of car is she driving it's extremely shock resistant. It's making advert for that model. It's incredible. It takes so it's whole lyriously long right because we've all seen this scene in a horror movie right but it's like imagine Jason getting a little bit winded and like readjusting the man Jason getting a little bit winded and like readjusting the man. That's what we watch happen. Wait, there's a pebble in my fucking shoe and you know, so I got a look big when I take it out, but it feels big right now. So yeah, so, but she, her car starts just as he breaks the window.

She drives off. They all run back and get in their truck, which starts on the first trial, luckily, and chase her. Yeah, they're going to chase her on an open bed flat truck. Yes. So, and of course, she went to the, well, if I was getting chased, I would probably move the steering wheel a lot school of mime driving. Just once in one of these movies, I want someone to be driving like that and for it to

pan out and they're just terribly weaving across the room. Yeah, exactly. No wonder they call her up. She had a 52nd head start, but she was taking like three tons of long to get anyway, because she's weaving so far across the road. Yeah, serpentine. Yeah. Well, also, and they're trying to make this seem like a chase scene, but they're like very

obviously going like 16 miles an hour, right? We can see the trees going by, but she gets stuck into a ditch. Actually, she lowers her car into a dish like they couldn't afford to dent it. They're very clearly someone's car and they were like, if you fucking mess up my car, I'm going to kill, I'll kill all of you for real. No fake terrorist bonds. So she just like, she might as well back in. She might as well parallel park. It's. So yeah, and apparently she says she's driving on this like fucking cow path that's right next to a real road that she could be driving on. Drive on the road, get on the road and drive on the road.

What is wrong with you? There's, I mean, there's a weak ass little fence between the two things, but I feel like you know, life's in danger. Kind of you just drive through the little fence, no? She pulls over, starts to drive around in circles on a high school track. I have to get away. Okay. You just, but so her car gets stuck.

She jumps out and it just so happens that there's a truck driving by at running speed, at, you know, jogging speed on the real road and she catches up with it, but the bad guy terrorists can't for some reason. Yeah, they're a pro nationalist truck of guys. I guess. Guys who are very accommodating to a random stranger running to jump on the back of their truck. I think most people, if you're sat on an open bed truck like that, if someone else tries to run and jump on, you're like, um, no, we're going somewhere.

Who are you? No, thank you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no with them. And then we cut to her on a pay for what she's calling J's hotel now, right? Mm-hmm. She says, Jay, I need you to come pick me up. But I'm like, maybe you tell them that there are terrorists chasing you. Maybe you just don't surprise them with that fact later after he's already agreed to do it. Now, no, I'm so sorry. I hate to correct you on air. But what she actually says is, hi, Jay, sorry. I got a leave screen that they're going to keep the movie going. Yeah. Yes, right. Hi, Jay. It's me. So I'm back now.

Oh, God. She like leans backwards out of the scene so we can see that the terrorist on the road, but she's in a phone booth. So she leans backwards out of the phone booth into the open air where she's totally visible by like to the terrorists in order to continue talking to Jay. It's ridiculous. At this point, it's really clear the cherish are going to see who she is and where she is. She's a blonde girl from Missouri kind of sticks

right out in Puerto Rico, I feel like. Yeah. Right. But she sneaks away and then sneaks back and she's like, yeah, yeah, sorry. I need you to pick me up from such and such a place. And then we cut to him picking her up from such and such a place, right? I have my notes are, well, this has been uneventful. Yeah. So that happens then. Yeah. Yeah. This is the most boring movie with three bombs.

I've seen it all very long. Right. So she's like, quick, we have to go out to Paulo's thinking spot. There's a terrorist plot underway. And he doesn't question that. She's like, they've set up some bombs. That's fine. Paulo. He's like, no questions for me. Yeah. Tiascreet. That's going to be. Absolutely. Obviously, that's what we would then do. Yeah. So they get to the, they get to

the think in spot. And she's like, here, you wait in the truck. There's not really enough room for three people's worth of dialogue. And he goes, oh, okay. All right. I'll wait. What do you think he's doing in the truck? Like, I was, I, their scene is so boring, I really wanted it to cut in. And he's just like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do the station is like, it's on two different FM things, but they're

quite close together. So he's the one who gets the same. Yeah, it happens. So yeah, so she runs up to Paulo and she's like, Paulo, Paulo, please unbomb those places. And he's like, I've found Jesus. I'm on your side now. And she's like, that's convenient because otherwise there was no fucking point. Yeah. She also has a moment where she's like, oh, interesting. You've changed your faith.

Well, let me tell you, I'm an absolutely no rush. I would love to hear about that. Right. Right. So, okay. So then we cut to a very literal ticking clock to remind us of the stakes of the movie, right? This is where I wrote a big dissertation on how much quieter the clock could be, but Marsha already got to it before it was so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's, we're also seeing this clock ticking down. It's, oh God, no, so this is like really intense takes.

And at that point, we're watching, like, Paolo climb down and then do like a full 200 meters like jog to the car. Yes, could straight to him being in the car. We don't need 200 meters like jog to the car. Yes. Could straight to him being in the car. We don't need to watch him jog 200 meters across the concrete laden grass. Does that thing where he thinks he's going to be able to be in the front? And then he's like, Oh, no, you take the car. And then the child locks on and it's going to be harder to open the door. That's what I've got to do. These central locking

things. You've got handles. Stop pulling the handle. Stop. Okay. So okay. So they all get the car and I guess Paulo and Jay are friends now. They're fine. But I love this passive aggressive moment where Paulo puts his arm around Shelley, right? Just to make it clear. Okay. But I still I dips. I had dips. I do get the girl though. Right. Yeah. Also credit. credit to zoom we have seen the like Oh, I've been saved by Jesus but the black conversation a bunch of times This is the first time we've seen it mid-bomb diffusing There's a certain intensity like and I never realized before that a person is bad as me could actually be rubbed by Jesus Well, that's the whole point is Jesus loves all of us. He's sacrificed his life for you

He goes about this Jesus of yours. How does one go about receiving him? I'm like, well, that's the money shot at Christian porn right there. And that question right there. Absolutely. Because that, how about this Jesus of yours felt like a badly translated comedy club MC and then how do you come up receiving him? Sound like a badly translated porn equivalent of that comedy club MC 100%.

I know this point the camera cuts the clock as if to critique the dialogue for wasting time. Yeah, right. Come on guys. We don't have to. There's a problem to get to. So yeah, so they pull up at the plaza and how low-Ole leaps out and grabs the bomb out of the first trash can Then we cut to the bad guys. I guess they're on a rooftop watching their bombs with binoculars, right? Yeah, but like in a very disinterested way

They don't seem very invested in their bombs going off. It's like, oh, isn't that power law over there? Oh, I guess that's power law. I remember power law. So guys, have some kind of urgency. This is your, this is the freedom of your country, your fighting for you. Well, and also like this never matters, right? Because they never catch up with power law. We never see them again, right? Like, that, no, I even have them there. No, and so why have them delivered this in the jaded world weary approach to something of the front row guillotine knitters in a tale of Tuesday's hit. Yeah, like be bar engaged. Yeah, we know what it is. I'm sure they had like a big fight after the car chase scene, right?

And you know when the office is all pretty awkward after someone gets yelled at the far of the rest of the day, that's what we're watching here is they're like, we all had a big yelling fight about the car chase earlier. I want to get of the day. That's what we're watching here is they're like, we all had a big yellow fight about the car chase earlier. I want to get through the day and like, yeah, that's Palo and he's taking all the bombs, but it's just, it's been a lot of my plate today, okay? So boundaries, work life balance. So yeah, so the bad guys run down to try to get him in time and also speaking of shit, that doesn't matter. So we also have this scene where the janitor has already taken the trash that had the third

bomb and replaced it with an empty bag. This is the most desperate way that the movie stretch it's right. Is there sitting there looking at their 50 minute runtime and they go, but the janitor has already taken the bomb out of the trash. So palo has to go across the plaza and be like, Hey, man, did you just take the trash? And he's like, I'm not allowed to tell you that. And he's like, you're not a male man. Did you take the trash?

He's like, yeah, I took the trash. He takes the bomb out of there. The fucking bomb. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, where's the bomb? It's not here. Is it there? Yes.

Yes, it's okay. But in there. Good. All right. So, yeah, so between five to the bomb, and then he steals a taxi. Yes. They steals a taxi. Yes. They have a car.

They have a, they do have a car. They're in a car. They're in that, that, that other car is still running. And there's a driver in it. It's got a very GTA feel yet again. Oh, I've been driven in the first vehicle that I see. And then, so he, he steals a taxi, drives off. And then we see the janitor talking to the police

and saying like, I think you need to go follow that guy because he just stole a bag out of the trash. But you would have thought you would assume that that was like, oh fuck, I threw away that scarf by accident that we just bought for something. Greg, Greg, what did I tell you about calling the police? Every time someone takes something out of the check, you gotta stop calling us, man.

Okay. So he starts driving up, and for reasons unbeknownst to any goddamn body, Jay's dumbass starts driving right behind him. He's like, oh, there goes the bombs. We should be near those, huh? The dialogue line that we do not hear is follow that bomb. Right. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And also this this this car chase weird car chase like with bombs in a car drives over a bridge

over some water. Yes. Which pile on never thinks, oh, there's some water. I could throw the bombs into there and it won't blow me and my car up. He said, no, no, no, let's carry on straight past. Yeah, fuck this taxi. Like he found Jesus and instantly lost all his common sense. Palo will drive past a series of increasingly convenient locations. He might as well drive past like an explosives detonation box. And he's like, no, no, I think he's out in the middle of the woods for

so much of this fucking shot. He drives past the bomb disposal convention, like of the international bomb disposal expo's convention, just looking for practical demonstrations. Yeah. Speed championship starting in three. No, I'm looking for a field. I'm like, yeah, how big are these fucking bombs, dude? Also, I just have to point this out that in case you were thinking, hey, maybe there's

some tension in the movie at this point, don't worry. The Jimmy Hendrix of Kitar is going to fucking work while all of this is happening. So it's like, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, chase music in the 70s couldn't be bad if it tried. My God. So, yeah, so he's driving Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal And then so he finally gets out into this field and he's going to what what it said in the script is he wrote he leaps from the car as the car is still moving. And so it is still it's technically still. Yeah, it is technically still. It's doing like three miles an hour and as he jumps out the car, he acts that be over

takes it. And then it immediately stops right because it's not like he's got a brick on the gas pedal. It's just immediately. I love this. This is the only realistic jump out of the car while it's going. See, and I've ever seen it in a set of a no. Oh, right.

Cause the gas pedal keeps it. Yes. So, and that's a hill that I wanted the car to just slowly start to travel back. Or oh, okay. I got a run. I got a part. I was up. God damn it. Yeah. So, but he runs away. The bomb goes off right behind him. I'm like, oh, all the more reasons why you should have put it in any of those other places when you drove by the bomb disposal convention there. Yeah. What a present. But he gets knocked down in the blast. Don't worry. He'll be fine. Yeah, there's no jeopardy in that.

He's just lying in a puddle. Yes. Oh, no, he's, he's wet. Oh, he's just fine. Oh, he's fine. He lays soggy. He'll dry. It's quite warm there. He'll be all right.

Right. Jenny, Jenny, have a quick splash fight with me. I'm sure that they're romantically re-examined. Did we all enjoy the fact that Jay runs up to try and save him and falls in the puddle as well? Yes, yes, yes, yes, that they left in have to it kind of in and the else either that or Jay was just like I don't think it's gonna be so good when I don't get to be so good like I did or Jay thought it was a lake And he was gonna do a like a heroic rescue and he's like no, oh, it's just okay But like there was more jeopardy in Jay's fall into the puddle than there was in Paolo's close escape from the bomb. Is that all about what if

yes, right? Yes, right. So yes, so they lift up Paolo, one of them with each arm and then they walk him over to the cops and turn him in. And that's the end of the movie. They walk him over the cops. The cops arrest him for terrorism and everyone else lives happily ever after. The end. And I'm like, I rate my nose and like, wow, it seems like from, from Palo's perspective,

you should have just let those bombs go off, huh? That would be a better idea for him. All right. So, and like, I asked this an awful lot, sometimes I just do it as a joke, but I'm genuinely curious, what was the moral of this fucking story? Plant your bombs closer to your thinking spot.

Oh, nice, all right, that makes sense. I mean, I went with that I'm clearly way more sympathetic to terrorists than the Elias, possibly as a result of spending an entire week watching hospital appointments for cancer surgery. And vital public services canceled out the respect of a dead lady who thought she was better than us. Eat the rich, burn it all down. Where are the bombs? Give me a suitcase. Okay. Now, you've proposed a great idea. What if everyone got to take a little bite of the queen?

It's the gold. I'm a bald. I'm a bald. Yeah, right, right. All right. Well, Marge, thank you so much for joining us. And real quick, while we've got you here, if our listeners wanted to hear more from you, what conference should they attend? Oh my god, you should all come to QED. You guys are coming to QED. You're doing a live show at QED, 28 to 30th of October in Manchester. My favorite weekend of the skeptical calendar, I would say that if I wasn't even involved in running it, it's going to be so much fun. There's going to be hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people there. We've got like 12 different main stage speakers. We've got loads of panels about really interesting things.

Eli's going to do a panel about skeptical parenting and raising kids in a kind of progressive way, avoiding stereotypes and all that kind of nasty stuff. We've got live podcast recordings. We've got a quiz that he's going to be running. It's going to be so much fun. It's going to be amazing. QedeeCon.org. Oh wow. Everybody has an extra thing to do with me. That's great. And well, that's a good for a review of Crossfire. And Noah will be there. I know. Noah will be there. He'll be the one crying in the lobby.

He'll be the one crying in the smokers area outside. No, I quit smoking. I quit smoking. I'm not talking about cigarettes. Oh, well, then you can have a section for that fuck. Yeah, it's about that. Yeah, I can't stop you. I don't own the whole town. All right.

All right. You heard it, everybody. Bring your drugs to QED. That's so much. Marsh wants to leave you with that. And it's much legally can't stop you doing anything in a public area. That is legal or not legal. It's not my responsibility.

But you know, don't that's right. That's right. But hey, let's let's's, let's be honest. So Noah is telling you to bring your drugs to QE. He's not going to fly him all the fucking away from the States. Come on. Help me out here. All right. So that's going to do it for our review across fire. But that's not going to do it for the episode. Just yet because we still need to bang our heads against this wall again next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Well, no, we'll be heading back for the fourth. And I believe final movie made by the happy science cult of Japan. This is their only live action release. Oh, really? And it's called the terrifying revelations of no stradamas. Oh, God. Fuck this. All right, so with that to look forward to remembering episode three 70 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patrioters and help me the show go. If you'd like to get something like that, you can make a per episode on nationapatreon.com slash God awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving the first star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this, show, be sure to check out our similar shows. This is getting at the slightest need of D&D minus and the skeptical available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can get them on God awful movies to gmail.com. Leave a service for this podcast and provide a better love if this is a P.N. retours.

Tim Robbins today's scare for our social media. Our theme song was written in. Leave a service for this podcast and provide a better love. This is a P.N. Dertourist, Tim Robbs and Daycare for Social Media. Our theme song was written in the performance by Ryan Slotman, who we'll dress on Mars. All of the music was written in the performance by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check out our life this week. For Heathen, right, Neil Ibostic, I'm an O'Lusionist, promised to work hard or another chunk next week until then.

We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Puerto Rico still doesn't have meaningful access to democracy. So you know, I guess God got what he wanted. The intervening 43 years would vindicate the shit out of Palo's cause. Chile would eventually leave both men for a guy who wasn't any kind of terrorist or oppressor, no shout. No shout. Hahaha. I Fucking good with Metroid Dread Morgan god damn it. I like that. Oh, no easy mode easy mode for Eli's Yeah, there's no easy mode on that is there this no they're just like hey here's our super fucking to you're gonna get killed by this fucking bird again Yeah, oh, it was such a good game though. Oh, it's so brilliantly created.

I just watch a playthrough like a nine year old with ADHD. All right, here we go. Me and a bunch of kids whose parents don't love them. Watch the playthrough. I just need to talk about it. If you guys don't watch TikTok, right? Neither of you. No. Okay. There's this guy on TikTok. He's an arm wrestler and he whisper.

He like whisper coaches people while he arm wrestles them. And that young man does not know why I'm watching his videos. He's very happy. He's very happy. All of his videos are like, yeah, today I'm talking a big mic from Boston. Yeah, you're really strong, Big Mike. I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey'll be as required, but we only I couldn't go on. I'll get up and I'll be fine.

We lost Marsh. Oh, I was thinking he had not and in first. Yeah, I was thinking we must have lost him. Either that or he was mad. I had salted his taco bell ordering. Oh, that's, that's on me. God, why do I hurt the people I love the most?

The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2022. All rights reserved. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstrum LLC, Copyright 2022, all rights reserved.