God Awful Movies - 371: The Terrifying Prophecies of Nostradamus

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

This week, Dan and Jordan from Knowledge Fight join us for a skeptical review of The Terrifying Prophecies of Nostradamus, the only live action offering from the Happy Science cult. And let me be the first to say, they found it a wee bit confusing. Hear more from Dan and Jordan on Knowledge Fight If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

So now, again, audience, I'm just gonna have to ask you to keep up with me here. We cut to permuda where a floating translucent tampon appears in the sky, it's like a spaceship, a tampon ship appears in the sky, and then we're at a dairy farm with lightning crashing all around us as a reptilian shaped shifter drinks the blood from a cow Mm-hmm. Yeah, that that was that was a lot God awful movie who we will be Welcome back to the gamecast for each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because we got really weird test results from the ITBS I'm your host no illusions heaters offer one more week but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli How are you this fine afternoon, sir? The bear arises to take down the scorpion eagle at last. No, uh, I mean,

I'd ask you what that means, but like you just like listen or just buckle it, right? There's a lot of that today and also joining us today because I guess there's not much going on in the Alex Jones world at the moment are Dan and Jordan from the knowledge fight podcast. Dan Jordan, welcome back. Oh, that's us. Yeah. So excited to have you guys back.

Always a delight to have you on, especially for this crazy shit. Yeah, it was intense. It's fun. As Dan and Jordan come on our show more and more to destroy a relationship. We never had the luxury form. Right. The first time they were on was like, Oh, it's good to see you in this time. They were like, Hello.

So are we recording? And let me tell you something. Go fuck yourself. There is. That is a relationship that is a luxury item. Okay. A relationship with us is worth more than a regular relationship. And here you are. I would also suggest that there is a good possibility that this is the

best way for us to become friends, because it is kind of like being a... Traumabond? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in the trend band of brothers. Oh, I would so rather be murdered by a German guy yelling, schlaft at me. But you know, that's me. That's me. That's me. All right, so tell us Dan, what will we be breaking down today? I don't know. I'm not sure.

It's something to do with Nostradamus, but I don't really, I don't know. We, you tell me, man. I don't know what this was. What do we have to deal with this? We have Dan stuttering to deal with in range. That's what this movie is. I'm not in range.

I'm confused. Yeah, well, there's that. Yeah, it's more like, huh, than mad. I think this is our, Eli, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is our fourth movie from the happy science cult out of Japan. Yeah, we've watched them all. The first three were cartoons. This one is live action.

And it's some at least as weird as the cartoons. So I got that it was the cult. I understood that. I saw the title card. Yeah, but what I what I don't understand is anything else. Right. There's that. Right.

No, so this movie was like hanging out with a bunch of people who all work at the same place, but you don't work there and they won't shut up about work shit. Right. If you never have the blindest fucking clue, it's going on. So we're the warning to the audience. When I say shit like, and then a panel of international female stereotypes, glows their way into a giant chessboard, you need to just accept that and keep pushing forward with it.

It did happen. Yeah. Yeah. It does. So in keeping with our format here, Jordan, I'll give you the honor of answering this one. How bad was this movie? Oh boy.

Um, did you ever see the original animated version of Lord of the Rings? Yes, I had a rotoscope version where it had orcs, like, but it was just like your friend, Sal, who's got wearing a helmet, like a Viking helmet. And then I remembered the song vividly. I don't know if it was from this one or from a different animated version, but Frodo of the Nine Fingers. I think Leonard Nimoy may have covered it at some point.

Sure. That's the level of may have covered it at some point. Sure. Like that's the level of this movie. And it's great. I can test the suggestion that this is even a movie. Yeah. That's a good point. We might have to litigate that at some point. What is a movie? And we're getting good at litigation. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah, because movies generally have plots and characters and stakes and dialogue. Yeah, it's, it, this just seems like the introduction of a bunch of, yeah, bunch of like, what about this? What do you think?

Yeah. A lot of inside jokes that we don't get. Yeah. Does this do it for you? So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? I think my best worst is going to have to be the weird princess Leia hairstyles. Okay. Yes. Brought by some of the gods. I think those were held together

by beads. Yes. Yeah. It was, it was fascinating to see a bunch of elderly Japanese men wearing princess Leia. Yeah. It's fairing little little girl pigtails. Yeah. Yeah, it was a choice. I liked it. I would go with the best worst use of presumably divine beings being obsessed with percentages. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they really had a fucking quoted a fill here.

Yeah. This movie was co-written by Timothy Geithner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Most of this movie should be just angels using tech support. Yeah.

So it comes through and we got to get that number down. So I was going to go with the best worst YouTube description. I'm just going to quote it here in its entirety. It's not that long. This is amazing. This movie was described as quote, a spiritually awakening movie based on a prediction by Nostradamus that was diverted because of the teachings of the laws of the Sun. You were born to encounter this truth. That actually is illuminating. I kind of wish

we had red that Neither of us red shit. Oh, yeah, because the whole half the time I was thinking like most of us didn't say that None of it happened either so what the hell is going on? Damn, I feel like even the prophecy was diverted too, right? Like he was diverted from making this where he was like, at the end, he was like, oh, never mind the happy science cult assets. The YouTube description is the key. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Guys, we're going to write the skeleton key to this. Like, you know, they have one they have for Finnegan's weight and doing it for this movie. And sorry, they're project tuning next. They make the movie, they realize it makes no sense. I'm like, fix it in the YouTube. We'll call it. We'll call it. We're going to go with simply best worst saving the world. Look, I've watched a lot of

anime's where people hold hands and use the power of friendship to stop the big bed. I've never watched an anime though this is an anime where they all hold hand to stop the big bed. And the world apparently ends anyway and they're like, ah, that was my question. Well, that ended better, yeah. I was a little bit interested as to whether or not they won and I feel like they didn't now. Yeah. Well, we'll examine it in detail coming up.

But right now we have quick break to take, but we're back in a flash with all the visual gibberish that is the terrifying revelations of Nostradamus. Hey podcast listener, I'm Eli Bosnay. And I'm no illusions. You know, at this point in the show, we'd usually advertise our upcoming Christmas tag. They're in New York City on December 17. I mean, after all, it's only the second week that tickets have been on sale.

But it looks like we drastically underestimated how many of you want to watch us live. And so as of this record, there are no tickets left for that. Not a single goddamn one, but don't worry. We have a lot more live shows planned for next year. We just locked in our show on the West coast and we're going to announce that soon. That's right. We are. And you can still see us at QED over in London, also in defensive, whoever made the call on the theater side. We did book a theater double the size of the one we used in our last New York show. So you don't feel like we should maybe cut that person a little slack.

Yeah, it just doesn't matter how much money we lost out on all right. So okay, so then did you rent a larger theater for the West Coast show? Yes, I'm going to assassinate you. That's fair. That is fair. Theaters are a good place to do that kind of thing, right? Right? Sik Sampert Taranosaurus.

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yeah, happy. I legitimately do not remember their behavior. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to see it. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to see it. dimension. Those are the first words. The ninth dimension and the first words of my notes are fuck yeah, happy. I legitimately do not remember there being a ninth dimension. If that was at the beginning of the movie, there are several other dimensions that overtook it. I think we were too confused because it also said like 1930. I don't know. I don't know why there's time and there's like ninth dimension, but hey, well, yeah, we

start off on. There's these little stars. They represent Jesus, Confucius, Isaac Newton, Zeus, et cetera. Like that's one of those SAT analogy questions. Like what? Who? Yeah, these are the highest spirits in the happy science cult. And they are one of these things doesn't belong levels of that shit, right? They include Zeus, Zeraster, Moses and Confucius. And I should know it. Yeah. I said, no.

In this set of repeating numbers, which God goes after Zeus? I was confused because I didn't see like, no, Stardomis wasn't on that list, right? No, I was thinking like no Stardomis movie No, no Stardomis will be side to this movie in a really like disheartening way Right. Yeah, no, it's like no Stardomis was an afterthought. They're like, oh, you know what would be a great frame for this If I get bearded guy wandered around a dungeon. What? How are you talking about?

The movie was written by the No Stradama scenario project. The No Stradama was gonna be central to this movie no matter what I believe. I googled that by the way. I can find no trace of the No Stradama scenario project. I think they just made it up. Yeah, that feels like a one project I don't think they had a second meeting where they were like all right great. So we got the movie out of the way now

Let's begin the real work of the no sir Thomas production putting out classic albums We're the no sir Thomas scenario project. It's yellow and We're the No Stradava scenario project. It's yellow and NSP. Those are the two great Kenny Rogers in the first edition. Put their mouth out by the with the no stradama scenario project in the scenario project. Jefferson airplane was named the No Stradava scenario project for a second. You gotta really, really pay attention to the deep cuts. They have the best session guys.

So my first like failed Google came right, it would like when they started doing the quotes, right? So they have Nostradamus reading some Nostradamus prophecies, but they're made up, right? It's all bullshit. It's not a real thing that Nostradamus ever said. So I'm Google and the fuck out of this, where he's talking about, it starts talking about all the countries

by their representative animal. Yeah, yeah. And that's easy for a second right there. They're like the eagle from America is going to get it. Peek off. Fuck the bear will bleed. There's Russia. We've been there, man.

We got you. Right. The bear will be read with blood as like, oh, that's communism. All right. Fine. Yeah. We're in. Sure. And then they get to like, and then the scorpion and we're like, oh, that's communism. All right, fine. We're done. We're done.

Sure. And then they get to like, and then the scorpion, and we're like, who the fuck is the scorpion? What do you, the hero of your episode? I'm Prius. I don't know, a snake? Maybe, or the snake is their bad guy. They definitely get, they get desperate, and then you can tell they've gotten desperate because they go to mythical animals.

They're like, fuck, okay, guys, everyone knows what the fucking eagle looks like. We look like assholes. The Leviathan is Japan, okay? Because nobody, maybe it's a hippo, maybe it's a guy, it's fine, we're just the vivenge Japan. Australia is a hippo grip. They move past the animal kingdom into Final Fantasy Summons.

That's, yes. Gigley Puff is Finland. Oh my God. Would it have been out of place if Jigglypuff had been a character? No, not really. He could have put the darkness to sleep. Yeah. All right, so then we, but all of that prophecy fades away and we cut to Nostradamus walking

through the fucking sanctum sang Torum or something Right, right. This will be I just want to throw this out there all that Nostradamus will do throughout the movie He's just wandering around his seven bedroom apartment being like god damn it. Where the fuck is my phone? There's a lot of shadow work going on Yeah, occasionally the shadow existed Peter Pan style without nocturne. This is well weariness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The shadow eventually gets bored and starts doing space workers. There was one part two where the shadow was a cop going up to his head, but it didn't make sense. Like the way it looked, it really looked like

somebody blowing another person. It totally did. Yeah. Really did. I have that too. So, but he's got his little book and for a while there, I thought I thought they couldn't afford words for those pages, right? Because he's just flipping through this empty book, but eventually he'll start like thinking prophecies onto him. Right?

The first one is the book kind of he flips to a couple empty pages and then there's an explosion. And we see pictures of like I guess a war in India. Sure. Yeah, I remember that one. And then he turns the page and we see violence in Africa as well. So apparently, Nostradamus predicted that there would be violence somewhere on continents and subcontinents at some point. It feels like all Nostradamus's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that.

So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. So, I think that's the only way to get that. Watch out. Just you wait and see. And for this got some bad shit going on eventually.

Most of Nostradamus' promises could boil down to like, dude, watch out for what's common. Yeah, right. Shit's gonna get crazy. Yeah, I was I was watching this and at this point when Nostradamus was on, I was so bored that I developed a character, roasterdamus, that I'm very proud of. Oh nice. Oh, one of his big jokes is the sudden death of the leading man will cause change making another man leader soon, but too late, the young man will attain high office by land and see he will be feared. Also your mom sucks. Roaster Davis. I was wondering when you were at that. He's already on a t-shirt.

Do you know it? Do you know it's crazy about Roaster Davis? Dan predicted he would need that character 20 years ago. Oh, shit. That was in a notebook that was back from his high school years. That's not crazy. That was. Yeah, what's the deal with bagged milk is the joke right underneath. So but eventually we zoom in on World War one or actually, I guess we skip over World War one right because the subtitle comes

up and says 1930 AD. I like, I like that they specify, specify right too many places don't specify whether we're talking about AD or BZ 1930 AD that's based on the Christian calendar, right? I mean like that's the Streams at the ninth dimension and all of these beings would be everybody works out in the same calendar a little weird It just made the eventually you just to make it easier, you know if you summon Caesar to solve problems in Russia You work off his fucking calendar. Yeah, we haven't gotten there yet. That's fair, right? Yeah, they should at least use the Julian calendar for that.

Absolutely. Now I'm just picturing the interdimensional Slack channel where someone's like, hi guys, I'm sorry, do you mind putting time zone next year to know Alan were doing Eastern Standard Time, God. Hey, we'll put it at 1930 AD, 1930, Alan's a duke. That's what we're gonna do. I saw the dots.

From the St. Thomas. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so I love, so we zoom past some heaven columns to a heavenly gazebo where the council of glowy dudes are talking about all the human violence. I did like that gazebo. It was a nice gazebo. It made me think we were watching an anime.

I've been thinking about gazebo a bit lately and how much I like them. So seeing one actually, I got a charge out of that. Yes. However, that doesn't apply that occasionally it rains on the nine o'clock. I forget. I get it. It's coming in sideways. Listen, the temperature's nice,

but the rain is a problem. How do we solve this? It also implies recreational games, probably. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, totally. Right. And you just know everybody expected Isaac Newton to do it.

They were like, well, I don't know about you. I was the God of lightning. Does anyone here have any practical experience? Maybe hasn't seen a pussy. Don't look, Zerasters. It's like, don't look at me. Hey, man, I'm Zeraster. Dude, you know what I do. And it is stab people. This, and this is an amazing, but because the thing about happy science is it's all based in history based on like, place, mat history, right right like the guy who came up with it didn't really know much about history So it's all like the guys that would show up in a you know in a bugs bunny cartoon of world history or something right?

Yeah, yeah, it's interesting to me because I do feel like maybe I was in the same history classes as the starter of this cult I was in the same history classes as the starter of this cult. Because I recognize a lot of that history. I'm like, yeah, that's, that sounds like something I was told. And then Archduke Fran Fertinand was shot by Elmer Fud. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. No, I was folding the paper football while someone said that.

I know. No, I'm not. I recognize this season. I mean, it's coming to season. Not season. Come in a season. Not season. We're hunting. Not. That was a fucked up cartoon.

I don't know why they put it. It was one of it was one of Elver Fudds bests, honestly. I liked that he was played by Al Pacino. That was a great. That was a bold choice. What's up doc? So the, but the Glowy Gods ultimately decide that they need to be. That was a great. That was a bold choice. What's up, doc? So the, but the glowy gods ultimately decide that they need to send the ghost of Julia Caesar to end communism in Russia. Don't worry, that'll come back. That's debatable. It's just a

easer. It could be Caesar Milan. Oh, right. You're right. You're right. It's, I don't could be little Caesar's pizza for as relevant as it is to the rest of the moon. Right? That's fair. right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're I see him. So then we cut to Nostradamus. Would you call that a Caesarian section? Oh hell, yeah. I'm waiting for you to hate it. I'm waiting for you to hate it. I'm looking your dead in the eye. Dan, if you're tied to your chair, you can tell us. Dan, if you're tied to your chair, you can tell us. I can't blink twice over on it. That's right. I'm the only one who can see it. So yes, okay.

And then we learn from Nostradamus that America underestimated Japan. And we demonstrate that in the scene by Japan turning into a dragon and then flying to a heaven temple with PlayStation one graphics. Yep. Again, I just call them like I see them people. Yeah. And then we rejoined the eighth because we checked in on the ninth dimension, guys. Now we're checking in on the eighth dimension, guys. This is the group of people with the princess Leia hair. Little girl, pig tails karate class. I am confused about the dimension. I thought that was the Japanese guts. Yes, the Japanese guts. The Japanese got their not in the eighth dimension. I don't

remember the gods of Japan being in the eighth dimension. You got to say the better to make you live in the same dimension. Fucking walk down the street. If you can teleport a letter, I think you would do it. Yeah. Well, that's fair. Yeah, I would do that. That's what email has taught us if nothing else. Yeah.

Yeah. That's fair. They just have sophisticated mail chimp. Now I'm just picturing the eighth dimension, like texting the seventh dimension memes and the seventh dimension doesn't know how to reply because they're not super funny. All I'm getting are boxes. So yeah, but so apparently each country has its own council of gods, which seems inefficient, right?

You wonder if the size of the council is based on population or do they all get the same number? Well, in Japan, it was all dudes too, which is a red little dicey point. I counted about 41 or 42 dudes. Yeah, not counting the god of fire who was drunk for a while. Yeah, he shows up late. Yeah. Not counting the god of fire who shows up drunk like our co-host Ethan is like, I can't wait to be Saddam Hussein. And so you're over here for me. Yeah, it did seem like he said he was going to become the god of the desert or whatever. Yes. And then later we just show Saddam Hussein.

Yeah, he's implied to be Saddam. Yes. Because America and the Middle East are going to have problems in the future. That's how I read it anyway. Yes. Well, and also they seem to imply that Saddam Hussein was going to take America down one of these days. Now this movie was made in 94. That's after Desert Storm was over. Yeah. Right. So apparently they

believe there was a second act come. But this was in 94. Yeah. All right. I mean, some of the graphics I'm going to forgive. Right. Yeah. But like, it's not like people couldn't tell a coherent story in 1994. That is the issue. Yeah. I mean, that I'm still mad about. Let's see. When was the romance of the three kingdoms written? I mean, three.

Okay. So, yeah. So we had been doing coherent stories for about a year. That's why it's, yeah. All right. So now we're going to lower ourselves one more. We're going to check in on the seventh dimension, gods. and this is where we're going to spend most of our time. Wait, can I, I have to step back for one second.

Exactly. Please go talk about these Japanese gods a little bit more for a second. Sure. Well, my all means first, it does imply a council for like all other countries. True, but we don't meet any of them. No, and I understand the reason why there's the Japanese focus. Fine. Sure. I would curious about what these other councils are like.

Mm hmm. Second. Interesting. All Japanese people. All Japanese men too. All right. The second thing is the drunk guy is the God of fire. Right. And that implies that everyone else who's in there is the God of something. That's a good point. I want to know more about. But he just got a Japanese virus. He the overall God of fire is checking in. It's God of Japanese fire, my man. Okay. All right, but that makes the most sense.

Yeah. That's the most consistent. Oh, my God. Could he control an American expat in Japan who tried to set a fire? Yes. I was thinking he's like, oh, I'm going to go on vacation. America's fire is going to be just the same. What?

I can't fuck with it. No. Just kicking rocks really grumply stupid. Oh, very stupid. I'm going to be fired. I'm going to be fired. I'm going to be our Tokyo. There was at no point was the God of blank aspect of this important at all.

No, it could have been Greg. Yes. Exactly. no point was the God of blank aspect of this important at all. No, it could have been Greg. Yes, exactly. I think God of fire is important just because it's dumb. I suppose because it does end up being Saddam Hussein. And then you know what, since you've given us the gift of talking about these people, I have to point out that the head of the karate class has a giant golden sword

by his side, which he will never acknowledge or you. No, just fucking scene dressing and it drove me insane. Well, but so, but that's the thing like everything else in this movie, the people in the happy science culture like, ah, the sort of Haku Ra, or what? Right? Yeah, it's a, it's a mythic, uh, that's a good point. Yeah, it's an Easter egg. It's a mythic Easter egg. Yeah, it's a it's a mythic. Uh, uh, uh, that's a good point. Yeah. It's an Easter egg.

It's a mythic Easter egg. Yeah. Yeah. Well, to give you a great idea of how deep that goes, like when they check it on the seventh dimension, I wrote my nose. Oh, that's where Thomas Edison lives. And I'm like, Oh, wow, doing this show is taking a toll guy. Is that something you know from another one of the movies from another movies? Mm-hmm. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So they're giving Thomas Edison credit for inventing shit? Oh, yeah. These people really don't know history.

He's right. He's got a delightful, but the American got a delightful. Listen, I was willing to forgive all this World War I and World War II shit, but now that I know Edison's involved. Oh, Jordan, they made an entire movie about how Thomas Edison invented a phone so teenagers can talk to the dead. Yes.

Yep. That sounds like a great movie. I want to watch that. I want to see that movie. Not only watch this movie, but you go. You don't want to watch. See, that's how we get you. You're like, oh, I want to watch that movie 48 minutes later.

You're like, I pray for death. Yeah. I did at one point while we were watching this day, like, God damn it, I could be watching Alex's trial right now. That's not bad. It is. It's not a good sign. That's how bad that movie is.

Yeah. So, but now this is going to be a one could say the plot of the fucking movie, right? The seventh dimensional gods are going to stand around a big circle talking about how the percentage of darkness in the world is getting dangerously high. Yeah. Right? Oh, wait, wait, okay.

So that's the seventh dimension. Yes. The people with the like Jarvis style Tony Stark visualization stuff. Yes. Non-sensical graphs that will get less and less useful as the movie goes on. Thomas Edison lives there. Yeah. He's the one who made the graphics.

I invented them. It's starting to make sense. Where else would you get them? The greatest inventor of all time. I apologize. That's why you keep them there. I apologize for asking questions. They were clearly stupid. And they did the spirit phone. And then are the programming language so that everyone can visualize the evilometer. So yes, so now apparently World War II is going on at this point, right? Because the seventh dimension gods start like thinking about or watching World War II, and they're giving different Japanese soldiers that God advice. Okay, go to the right. Yeah, right is a relative fucking

direction. We're all facing the same way. Go to the right. That bothered me so goddamn much. The God keeps saying go to the right. And I'm like, they're all facing different fucking direction. It would be like God being like, look over there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watching has a real, has a real, your your wife is watching you play a video game. You're bad at fight. Not helpful. Top left. So why don't you grab the coins?

Why don't you grab the coins? Yeah, but so the goddesses go to the right. So they all go to the right or this guy's right and they survive. But then we check in on some different Japanese soldiers where the goddess saying saying, stay where you are and they don't stay where you are and they die. I thought that was the same group after they had gone to the right. Oh, was it? It could have been. I'm not sure because I thought it was like, well, you succeeded this trial and then you fucked up a second. You're forgetting it. Second trial. That's how I read it, but I might have been wrong. Okay. Yeah.

Luckily, it doesn't fucking matter. That's true. That's very true. I truly did not understand that part at all. And you explaining it just now, I have no memory of that. I remember the Japanese children, soldiers and explosions. I had no idea there was a reason. I thought they were just showing World War two for fun. I feel like

Reason is overstating the case We need to talk to the no-strandom a scenario project about that For Kick the rest Also like let's just acknowledge that for the rest of this movie, because the rest of this movie will be World War II-ish. It's going to be World War II from the Japanese perspective, which is uncomfortable to say the least.

So not just from the Japanese perspective, because the happy science caught like they deny the existence of the rape of Nan. King, they like, yeah, they really paint the Japanese as the good guys in World War II. They are a terrible revisionist historically, and some of the most disgusting beliefs. Japan? No. Yeah. But there were still shots of like concentration camp. There wasn't a denial of the Holocaust. No, no, there were still shots of like concentration camp.

There wasn't a denial of the Holocaust. No, no, which is not. No, we have a very low bar. Yeah, we have a very low bar. Yeah, so, but we kind of way from that World War Two footage long enough for one of the gods to consult the floating lemon of destiny. Again, I just called them like I see him, guys, but we learned that they're sending light angels to earth to try to counteract all the darkness because the darkness is now even

worse than it was in Atlantis. What? Yeah, that was a real bummer. I literally wrote, they threw that in there just up that dent in Jordan. Cause it's a throwaway line like you're watching a Star Wars TV show away line. How dare you? I learned more about the end of it, Lannis, by going to the Happy Science Projects website or whatever.

And it turns out 12,000 years ago, a thoth, he was the re, he was the reincarnation of Alcantar at that time. Right. And that was back when it was 33% evil. Exactly. Yeah. Which is a real 39% it's huge. Yeah. Yeah. Huge difference. Yeah. So, so then despite somehow being the reincarnation of the figure, but then there's, I guess they still let out the latest. Yeah. Well, number got too high, baby. That can't let it happen. Nope. Yeah, well number got too high, baby. Matt can't let it happen.

Nope. Yeah. So it's like inflation. This is the fed. Right, yes, right. Exactly. The fed of evil darkness, right? That makes a sense.

We've got to we've got to increase the evil interest rate. Yeah, we got to raise the evil by two points. Yeah. Also, I have to point this up because this is the part of the movie when we check back into the seventh dimension here. This is where we meet media or haired lady with the curly cone of hair up above her. And I just that needs to be recognized, right? And admired, honestly.

It felt like that actress saw the scene shoot with the karate class with a little girl picked out, so she was like, oh, okay, we're doing crazy here for the movie. It's no one in this dimension has crazy hair. So she showed up and she was like, huh? It's a snow cone on top of a twisted ladder. Oh, shit, you guys are all just in the middle of the air. I like the idea that she shows up for work and they're all like, ah, that's eight dimension shit. Get the fuck Anglic for promotion lady or recently she got demoted

Eight dimension and then she's shown up all embarrassed like or she got relegated to from the premier league or she's a liaison Between the two. We don't know how this works. There's a lot of fucking bureaucracy. We need to talk to the fucking Nostradamus scenario project against the verification here. Yeah, considering how much paperwork is important in this. I can tell you, between the time we're recording this and when this comes out, I can assure you that no one will be talking to the

those. We have yet to find that. But if I do, we will, you know, she used to work up in the eighth dimension, but then she started a thing with Roastro Dom. I said, they moved her down here. I don't, I don't want to kiss and tell. Killed herself a steam. Guys, not cool.

Also, there's this amazing graphic that we have to talk about where the world screams. Yep. Right? That's the whole planet just was like, ah, god damn it. Was that who was screaming? Yes. I heard a scream and I was like, well, that had to have been somebody in the scream, but it was actually the entire earth.

That was the way I was supposed to get. Oh man. Yeah. I'm almost disappointed with myself. It makes sense though, because there is the whole idea that if evil gets over a certain percentage then the earth will cleanse itself of humans in order to like make the balance right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so the earth would be screaming if evil was getting higher, almost does like a little warning. Yeah. So, so now you're arguing that the actual earth itself was screaming. I thought they were saying that all the people on earth, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, no, no, the planet was screaming. The planet itself. Okay. Well, that does make sense. Yeah. Yeah. So, but they need more angels of light stat. So then we watch the applying for more angels of light bureaucracy go into action,

right? Yeah. Like they send a letter to Japan and to the higher dimensions to see if it's okay if they send extra light angels. We genuinely will never be able to communicate how much of this crazy cult movie about the dimensions saving the world from an all cleansing catastrophe is about the like fucking workplace strategies of those dimensions. Yeah. And there's like, there's like bureaucracy. It's different dimensions. Yeah. And there's like bureaucracy. It's a no.

Yes. No, you could set the office in the seventh dimension. And you'd be like, oh, yeah. That makes as much sense. Ricky. So they fill out the angel, the light angel application. We see the eighth dimension, Japan gods get that letter, right? And consider it. So there is a moment where the god, when he get that letter, right?

And consider it. So there is a moment where the God, when he received the letter, he abound immediately after that to the empty air. And I really appreciated that. Like, you know, just because they're not physically there, doesn't mean that you shouldn't bow whenever you receive a letter from them.

I appreciated that a great deal. That's just showing respect. I like it. Do you guys not thank the radio waves when you get a great deal. That's just showing respect. I like it. Do you guys not thank the radio waves when you get a text message? That's weird. If it's a good one. Yeah. So and by the way, what we're seeing here, so the mythology of the happy science cult is that their cult leader is Elk and Tari. This 300 million year old ghost that's been reincarnated is all the great people in history that he could think of at the time, right? But then all of the other people in the cult may or may not be light angels sent from heaven to cleanse the earth. And you won't know until you join

the cult and take all their tests and give them a lot of money and stuff. And then I bet you are. You tend to be, yeah. And if you're not, you should probably give them more money. If you gave them more money, you just maybe, yeah, right. They can do more tests. Yeah, exactly. You got it. We got, oh, we got a secret test just in a double angel for you. Yeah.

Such an expensive test for us to run though. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And that's what we're seeing. We're seeing the angels all decide, or the gods all decide that they need to send a bunch of cult members to the happy science cult. Right? And then fucking like main god comes to that weird Japanese god council to explain that to him, to explain that Japan is where the savior will be born and clear the filth from the world. Yeah, that's good. I didn't like that language. You know,

that was an issue. Especially when you're like, you know, we're talking about like World War II ideas and then you're gonna send somebody to cleanse. So I don't, I don't like this. Yeah, after, after they were like, oh, Korea's fighting weird, you know, like, oh, we're not gonna do with that. So crazy that they would fight like that. Oh, what a spot.

What would it even be? Yeah, we're angels. He we're weirdly nationalistic. Yes, we're angels representing everybody but mainly Japan. Our deity ship has something to do with international borders. Yeah, yeah, that are invented by humans. Yeah, very xenophobic hierarchy of the universe. Watch out for the bear. All right, well, tell you what, it looks like these gods have a very important cult to inspire. So we're going to give them a minute to plan. But we'll be back in a flash with even more of the terrifying revelations of Nostradamus.

And Tacular, Tacular, Christmas, Christmas. Eli, what are you doing? Is that a Santa suit? Sure is no. I just gotta get into peak shape for our live Christmas Tacular. My holiday spirit needs to be lean mean and full of Christmas Sheen. Right. But we'll'll look I'm sure Diving around our Christmas decorations in a very sweaty Santa suit is doing something

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Alright, Noah, thanks. So you're gonna do fitbod? Yeah, just let me finish my mistletoe touches. You designed this whole ad around that pond, didn't you? I did, yes. Okay. Sir, the world evil levels are rising. Johnson, go check it out. Yes, sir. What can we do? We have no choice we have to send as many angels of the light as possible. Oh

Come on 90% that includes babies and shit We must hope that the holy voices of the angels are heard. Yes, we must. Fuck! What does this button even do? That's nothing! Why is so much of the afterlife technology? Have we considered reaching out to the gods of the fourth dimension to see the seventh dimension beings back to Earth for the Great Awakening? What? The fuck? Are you talking about? That is wise. I'll reach out to the ninth being of the eighth dimension to see if they can send Caesar to bring down the great bear and the face of the snake of old.

I am officially rooting for hell at this point. Dude, what's the deal with Johnson? It's less to sign when we send him down to watch the Alex Jones defamation try. Oh, yep, okay, I got it. Do we have more thumbs? You man who's who's you? And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin our action on Nostradom's this empty book and it's gonna explode again, but this time it's a nuclear book explosion. Yeah. So this is the, obviously the time where American Newt, Japan, at which point we reach 66% darkness over the earth.

So things are getting serious. That's a lot of dark. Yeah. A lot of dark. Listen, I won't argue huge mistake on America's part. Yeah. Sure. I believe so. And no Stardomus called it. That's true. Yeah. Also, I was so bored at this point that I

came up with another character. Oh, really? All right. And that is Colin Joester, Dommess. He was one of his, his bits. The year 1999, seventh month from heaven will come a great king of terror to bring back to life, the great king of agola moist before and after Mars terrain by good luck. I host weekend update. Oh, no, Dan, that was great. Dan, that was great. No, no, no, don't you dare, don't you dare. First off, first off, let's get to the bottom of this right now. He came up with the Colin Joster Thomas first and then he tried to shoe horn that she did there. That's a bad joke. That's exactly what Colin Joster Thomas would do. Now you're now I'm back. I needed the tag. That's what the problem was. So yeah, so now what we learned here though is that the reason that it was bad to New Japan is because when you release nuclear explosions,

you destroy both the physical and astral bodies. So if we're not careful, we can accidentally nuke heaven. This really fucked Jordan up. Yeah, this caused an issue for me because the moment I find out that nuclear bombs kill astral beings, I'm like, well, let's fire a fucking nuke into that seventh dimension. Those fuckers need to go. Right?

And if I can nuke the seventh dimension and win, then I must nuke the seventh dimension and win. Does this, you understand? This cult has given Jordan hope that he can kill God. He have to attack and dethrone God. And if there's a bunch of them, then I started seventh. That makes sense to me. I mean, no, that makes sense because given how bad they're fucking it up. Yeah. And the fact that there's no other way, apparently, to change leadership. Yeah. Right. And the sixth dimension seemed fine. They were just bringing people in and bringing people out. Sort of a geek. Yeah. More of an airport than

a dimension. And I don't know if I'm ready to fuck with the eighth dimension just yet. They can teleport. Letters. God knows what they can do else. Seven. What about the night? Night. We'll see. He's working his way up. He's working his way up. I don't want to put too much pressure on him. You're the third now, so I'm like, can I just destroy one dimension first? I'm getting familiar with Jet Lease classic film of the one. That's the process Jordan is going through right now.

It's going to be a while. So, okay, so I don't know Japanese history to know if there's any specific significance. The movie jumps then to 1956 and I feel like that's probably when their leader was born or something. Yeah. That's kind of what I took from it too. That was our guess, yeah. So, but this is, they're talking about bringing it, I guess sending out angels of light on

a lecture circuit. Right, they're like, we're going to send a bunch out angels of light on a lecture circuit. Right. They're like, we're going to send a bunch of angels of light now and then they're going to grow up and then they're going to go and they're going to do lectures, which you should probably pay to go see. They just are scheduled. So, but yes, so they explain that. And then we drop in on the sixth dimension. Yeah. Are you a real six, six Dan? That's what is that what they call it?

First of all, I am so psyched how much time we got to spend here because let me just throw this out there. I'm going to go ahead and say 44% of the rest of this movie will just be family seeing off their dead loved ones before they get reincarnated. Yeah, this really was about as close to where a plot happened. Or at least, like it was, we made a note of it. It was 56 minutes in before there was like a semblance of a plot. Yeah. And it seemed to be these people in the sixth dimension being born and then living. Right. Sort of. That was these people in the sixth dimension being born and then

living sort of that was the arc like we got an hour of a history lesson. Then we yeah, well, we got an hour of a history lesson. And then we have the introduction of the characters who we will meet at the end of the film in in their fully realized forms, I suppose. Right. So we're in the, realized forms, I suppose. Right. So we're in the, you know, how the sixth dimension has weird upside down soft serve swirls in the sky. We're in one of those. Rebole, the ice cream bowl.

Yes. Yeah. And everyone is watching the giant panoramic television screens full of the 2D fruity zebra spinning super fast. Yes. That is on the giant swirly ramp of fate. Yeah. This is when my favorite part of the movie happened.

By far, my favorite part of the movie, because we get into the ice cream dimension and then we find out it's the dome of reincarnation and all of a sudden it comes out upon one dude wearing like a doctor's coat, looking at all sciencey who's like, whoa, it's going to be a busy day. You can have shitty work convictions in the sixth dimension.

Yes, in the dome of reincarnation. Right? Like this dude's like, what are you shorthand? What is my day? It's going to be like brutal. I really wanted more of that though. I wanted that guy like watch that guy getting denied over time at HR being called needs to be a team player. You think you think not enough of this movie was was devoted to higher

dimension bureaucracy? Really? That was your complaint. You know what that's fair. No, I I withdraw my complaint. I heard this was part of like a five part series. I assume like part three or four is all just. Yeah, it's just there's like sexual harassment policy videos. Yeah, sure. That's a really sure one. So let it fly. Yeah, no, don't worry. We don't let ladies in hide and don't just just someone trying to sexually harass an angel which is made out of eyes and screaming child's faces.

I don't know where I could put my hands here. That's a lack of imagination on your part, my friends. All right. But so the, but that beer regret the one that's like, well, that's gonna be a busy day. He then goes to address the next crop of yet to be born of in his term future babies for the Tokyo a7 area, right? So these like seven or eight people, these are gonna be like the first members of the cult, I guess, or something.

And he's like, all right, future babies, are you guys ready to be reincarnated? And they're like, are we? We've dressed in tuxedos for our big going away party. It's not even tuxedos, it's like Victorian, yeah, yeah. These people look ridiculous. It was a combination of Victorian aerosuits with frills and shit and then traditional Japanese kimonos. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was upsetting. Yeah. He says the classic lead-in to exposition.

As you all know, well, then why the fuck are you telling me? Cause as you all know, you'll enter into a woman during her ninth week of pregnancy. And that's how you know that it worked. This super duper anti abortion totally. It'll come up again. Wow. The alarm bells. Yeah. The moment the moment nine weeks happened, I was like, Oh, God.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm surprised we didn't get a guest spot from Mike Haka be just walking in. Hello. Hey, nice week. Sounds right. I'm in the six dimension too.

Guitar solo. I'm going to hang out with Isaac Newton. Teach him how to fuck proper. But everybody's like talking about how they're really worried about the earth because everybody's getting really into materialism. Hopefully the A7 Tokyo future babies can do a little something about it. Yeah, right.

The future babies. I would have bought a baby. Yeah. Oh, I was with you 100%. And he's explaining to everyone, he's like, you'll be a doctor and then he turns to the only woman who's spoken in the movie so far. And he's like, you're going to be a teacher. Yeah. I really want her to be like, fuck, another 40 years of reading the giver. Another four years.

Here we go. There's also this weird moment where one couple is like, it's a man and a woman and he was like, well, you know what, you are my child in the last life. Let's switch it up and I can be your child in this life. And I'm like, wow, even Heath doesn't know that page on porn. Holy shit. What? Yeah. This is, of course, where some woman checks in with the Hall of Female Stereotypes chessboard that I mentioned at the beginning of the show. Yes. I was a little confused there. A nun and a fucking Buddhist monk. And then there's like a sexy school

team. It's like they, it's like they were outside at the dumpster of a Halloween adventure. Yeah. As it burns down on October 32nd and they were like, don't worry, guys, we can use this for our movie. Hey, hey, listen, you got to cut costs where you can't make a movie is expensive. And you're smart calls at this point. It's only the 90s. But they had to license.

They b roll of Saddam Hussein. Totally. They had to make a big scorpion. You know, there's a lot of costs. That did happen. Yeah. The graphics of X team, there's, there's insane. Yeah. And it's pretty expensive in 94. Yeah. I'm assuming almost everything was stolen. Almost every, I'm, I'm almost served. They snuck into every location to film this movie. Yeah. They weren't supposed to be in that hospital. They snuck into every location to film this movie. They weren't supposed to be in that hospital. They were in that forest. That wasn't their gazebo.

Yeah. No, no, yeah. Yeah, the real seventh dimension is really pissed that they broke it. Oh, you filled your shitty movie here. You know, they rented the seventh dimension as an Airbnb, but of course they didn't change the code in between guests If we know anything about these higher dimensions bureaucracy is important. Yeah, right So yeah, so that lady goes to her light hole and then everybody descends via Lightning bugs or something to go inhabit pregnant women. Keatar. Yes

lightning bugs or something to go inhabit pregnant women. Keytar. Yes. Keytar. Yeah. Yes. It was good stuff. It was a good, it was a good sting. The music Dan was conceived to.

I really appreciated the, the small section that does absolutely not pay off later, where they're, they're, they're just talking to this lady and they're like, hey, listen, your life's going to be shit, you know, it just is. And the kid is like, I choose a life of hard, difficult stuff. And she's like, I guess I choose to care for this asshole. Yeah. As soon as he said that, I was like, this is going to be that abortion thing. I can't, this is, this is a message. Yep. Yeah. This is coming back in a bad way. You got it. Then we, we cut

back to no stradamas wondering what the hell he's doing in this movie. At this point, no stradamas is just wandering around right the way you do. Like when you first get home, he's unloading keys by the door, trying to call his cat. At this point, I was so bored that I came up with another character. Oh god, damn it. This was Marcel Proust or Thomas. You won me back. I'm real. I'm deep in. What does he say? He was one of his writings. I don't think we do. In England, one without a trace of royalty will master two months. you will rule 20 months, you will bleed the lands and his time comes quickly.

Also I wrote remembrance of things. So all right. So now again, audience, I'm just going to have to ask you to keep up with me here. We cut to permuda where a floating translucent tampon appears in the, it's like a spaceship, a tampon ship appears in the sky. And then we're at a dairy farm with lightning crashing all around us as a reptilian shape shifter drinks the blood from a cow. Mm hmm.

Yeah. That was, that was a lot. Yeah. Especially for when they introduced it, which was not early. Right, it was late. It was late. They introduced it late and then they were like just in case you were wondering, don't worry about it later though.

But for right now, reptilians are in play. Yeah. Then we see the late angels going, dam it. Those reptilians are mutilated. They've been trying to stop the plans of the reincarnated a seven citizens. No, they're just hungry. Just having a snack. Yeah, they seemed all right. We're gonna do with the cow. Yeah, honestly, we drain the blood. So if you're just draining it, you're frankly doing step one for it. And the cat tailed venuations when they actually get down there and their dildo ships,

first of all, costuming note, impeccable, perfect. No, no. I thought for so long, I was like, what is trying to escape from that man's ass. He's a little tail. He's a cat. He's got a little tail. 1994. These are the first furries, my friend.

These are fucking explorers. The problem I have with introducing this and then dismissing it so quickly is that I am, I listen, if you've got seventh, eighth, sixth, ninth dimensional gods that are all humanoid and some of which are Japanese nationalists, explain to me what got to the reptilians have their own set of gods. Right? Oh, interesting. Do they have to?

Otherwise, you're suggesting that only human beings are capable of having gods. And if that's the case, then why don't we with the reptilians give a fuck? If I was a reptilian and I knew they had gods and I could not, fuck it, let's kill them. You know what's the point? There's no God. I really hate to tell you this Jordan,

but based on the three other movies, that's exactly what's happening. The reptilians are demon souls inside the bodies of things from Saturn and they don't get gods. So they're bitter about it. So they, they turn into Jewish people. Well, I'm sorry.

What now? They turn into Jewish people. It's kind of implied that they're Jewish. Oh, God damn it. Well, I mean, this matches with a lot of these conspiracy theories we've heard over here. So that's crazy for us to hear, but that sucks. Well, that's the thing is what we're watching here is like the Avengers movie for conspiracy theory cinematic universe,

right? The fucking reptilians and the gray aliens and the tampons ship all mutilate and cows together so they can fluoridate our water and take over the media, right? Yeah. It's a real bummer because I think we talked, we said something along the lines. I was like, there was a moment where we were leaves that this wasn't anti-Semitic. Right. You, that might have been a thought you had in your head. Because I don't, I don't remember that being a conversation. I think, I think it was just that we, I think what actually all that happened was we were like, well, at least they didn't deny the Holocaust.

That's it. That's the whole thing. We were like, ah, they didn't deny it. That's good news. I was confused by everything that was happening to say whether or not it was anti-Semitic. That's a good point. Yeah. This is how desperate the members of this podcast have gotten is that we're like, hey, the Holocaust was real. So meanwhile, we cut back to the light angels and they're like, well, we keep sending light angels to be born and solve all these problems. What the hell is happening?

And then another light angel is like abortion. Yeah. No. No. Oh, let him go. Let him get it out. Yeah. I'm going to say.

I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. I'm going to say. Let him get it out. So that's a yoga is paying off. Yeah. I was gonna say. Yeah. It isn't bad. I'm glad we recorded near this well. We should. Also, I just want to point out that when he mentions that they

got abortions, he gains a hat of despair for a second. Yeah. Yeah. How about a sat hat? Yeah, convertible KKK hood or something. Yeah. So, okay. Now it's 1981, which I have to assume is like when the cult started, whoa, we're not going to talk about how you can just abort angels and that's fine. Like, okay, so these people, seven to mention as God people, but oh, fuck it. I

Listen, hey, I'm not ready for a child. It's fuck you angel. Like that's it. That's the whole Apparently, it takes to destroy a god. Yeah, yeah, right. They can't just send it to say like oh, well I guess we got to put that one in a different nine week pregnant lady now, but no, but and here's the other problem. All right, here's the problem that I made because they made agreements. Makes me so angry because Dan and I talk to him about this seconds ago. The idea that you can predetermine people like when you're giving them that sixth dimension orientation, be like, I'm going to be a teacher, you know, like do that whole thing. And predestination is totally real, but you can abort people like, oh, so close. Yeah. We almost made it

to being a teacher, but then abortion. That's weak. Yeah, we have an omniscient seventh dimension that includes like professions, but it can be defeated by Sam's club plan B you bought and pulled. Totally. This brings me back to my nuke the seventh dimension issue. Amen, brother. They are a lot weaker than it seems. The seventh dimension is weak. We are already selling nuke the seventh dimension TV shirts.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'll take it. I'll live there. So yeah, so, so then we cut to 1981, which is this is obviously when the cult starts right because we get a die who shows up at American used car salesman, materializes in the sixth dimension and tells them that it's time for El Contare to awaken. Now this is where we realized that at least partially, at least some parts of this movie were filmed in English,

then dubbed into Japanese, and then subtitled into English. Yep, you bet. Which honestly, is there a better description of the happy science cult mindset that subtitling your way back into a language you don't have to subtitle? Yeah, you know, but I mean, at the same time, what are you going to do? It is, it is, I actually almost prefer it to them being like, Oh, I'm going to have a white dude speak Japanese with an English accent. Like, I mean, in a way, I kind of wish American movies would just let people from countries

speak their own fucking language and then subtitle it. There we have it. Why is Brad Pitt speaking with an accent? Don't do it. You know, so I'm down with this. I'm down. This one was one good choice I think that they made. All right.

I mean, they did dub the English guy over, but okay. Well, that's fair. Yeah, but he was an asshole. Yeah, I'm everywhere. You're all over the map. I'm everywhere. I'm covered at this from all angles. Well, meanwhile, hey, callback guys. And by callback, I mean, any two scenes relate in this movie. Caesar is finally done with

that assignment to de-communist Russia, nailed it. But we cut to all of the glory gods in the fucking gazebo going like wow, Caesar was so good. He didn't there wasn't even a war or anything. I was so shocked that that came back. Yeah. I knew, first of all, like when it went Caesar was first introduced like, aha, he's going to tear down communism. Sure.

Sure. Sure. I was, I was so baffled that the movie took the time to revisit this. Yeah. And then brought in Brutus for no fucking reason. Totally. So in case you thought we were talking about Caesar Salvat. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Oh, Caesar Belon. And let's Brutus is a dog that was very disagreeable. Well, the problem is, we were trying to figure out who Caesar and Brutus were. We assumed that there had to have been like real life. I mean, you're saying that Caesar ended communism, right? There has to be a person. So I thought it was Reagan.

Right. And then there has to be a Brutus to murder him. Well, maybe, okay. Oh, yeah, that gets Reagan and John Hinkley. Yeah, John Hinkley. Oh, see, I was going to say that dementia is Brutus, but yeah, but, but, but then it would have killed him before he was president. But Brutus didn't fail in his assassination attempt in history.

No, no. No. Maybe Brutus was aborted. Oh. Just wasn't there this. Abortus. So, okay, and so we get that. The hooray communism fell and there was no blood

shed except for all the people who died in the Gulags and shit. Faaaak! Come on. Yeah. So meanwhile, fucking Nostradamus is talking to his wall about Eagles and scorpions and shit. Somewhere, this is where they imply that Saddam Hussein is gonna take the U.S. down at some point.

Yeah. Right? Yeah, he was really close. Yeah, almost. Yeah. Oh, he almost got us. Yeah, he almost got us. Once again, the seventh dimension, not that good, not that good at shit. No. Karl Rove wanders through. I'm going to go hang out with my friend Mike Huckabee, but that sounds like a reasonable worry to me. I gotta go. So then we cut back to the light angels. And one of them says, you know, there was a great samurai once who lived, whose name was such and such and we're all like,

oh, is, are you ever gonna mention him again or justify having brought him up? He's like, nope, sure, sure him not. You wanna watch an austro, drop a tiny globe into a giant recess cup? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha looks like he's getting dome from his shadow. Yeah, all right. No, great times. And sometimes the shadow mugs to the camera. Yeah. Yes. Hey, guys, just so you know, I'm here.

I do space work. Well, I was watching him with that globe. I was so bored that I came up with another character. Oh my God. He's stressed. He was ghost with the mostardom. He's fired by Beetlejuice, of course. Here we go.

Here's one of his great quotes from the 1988 movie from the depths of West Europe, a young child will be born of poor people. He who by his tongue will seduce a great troop. His fame will increase towards the realm of the east. It's show time. Fantastic. sick. I'll stop. No, no, no, no, no, no, you're used to let you stop. I know you got more about it. This is the whole way too much is just enough. Okay. Yeah. So all right. So they're waking up the light angels. Now we're going to start checking back in with those a seven Tokyo future babies. They're all grown up. So we cut to a hospital where one of the future babies is a doctor, and he's an asshole. We notice as he walks through the hospital, everybody stops and goes, he's such an asshole. That guy's an asshole.

Oh, that was the point of that. I missed that too. I missed that. No, no, I mean, I got that they thought he was an asshole, but I thought it was because the other doctor was part of the darkness team. Yeah, you thought he was a reptilian but I thought it was because the other doctor was part of the darkness team. Yeah, you thought he was a reptilian. I thought he was a reptilian trying to kill the angel, dude. I didn't even get, I guess I wasn't caring enough, but like I didn't put the pieces together

that that doctor was the doctor from the sixth dimension. Oh, yeah. I got all the other characters with the six directional babies who came to future babies. Yeah. For some reason, the doctor, I was just like, it's just another plot. Yeah. No, I had the, I had the,

I had the distinct sense that that doctor who was his rifle at the hospital was actually the darkness because the part where he was a ghost and the doctor and his assistant were just kind of looking down into the camera quentin Tarantino in a trunk style.

And it was like, when do we dissect him? And he's like, fucking now. Right. He's a wild booger. Yeah. While the guy is ghost talking to them, they're like, let's cut this dude into chunks.

Why would you dissect? Yeah, right. So the doctor collapses. Everybody's like, oh my God, the arrogant doctor collapsed and they all run in and he flatlines, but we're watching out of his dead eyes or whatever and he's going, no, I'm still alive.

I object because he's a ghost now. It was, it was like that episode of House, uh, with, uh, most deaf. Yeah. Yeah. It was exactly like that. Yeah. Trapped in his body. Mm hmm.

So you're really not going to have a most deaf tritamus character. I was, I literally fell perfectly. I was in my red. Yeah. Death most, uh, yeah perfectly I was in my range. Yeah, death mostardom. Yep, I would not have a character that was such a struggle Well, I was about to see here's the problem.

I got, I got there with mostardom and then I realized the death was in the middle and I was like, oh no, I'm fun. And it was too late. I had already started the most to the master. Okay. This is why the pro my God. That's why I make the big price.

All right. Mm-hmm. So now we're trouble. Now we're going to make his head too big and then he'll end up as both stratomas. So, yeah. So the doctor goes to walks away from his body. They say they died from overworking. I'm like, that's not a real diagnosis.

But he wanders off and he comes across a guy in a shrine who explains to him that he's a ghost because he died, right? Yeah. Right. This was the first time ghosts were ever available to this movie to be a part of the, like in the reincarnation zone, you're like, oh, okay, well,

the ghosts live in the reincarnation zone. That's fine. You know, but it turns out ghosts can also live on earth and maybe hell and then just kind of continue living on earth or go to the sixth dimension or not. Right. He's really no rules. He's actually there are like a ridiculous, there's a fucking hope, you're all crazy of all the rules that they governed this and they try to explain it real quickly. They're like, ah, yes, you would have returned to the sixth dimension except that you had this in blow a bud. Your soul is conflicted. And so therefore you are trapped between the dimensions and don't believe in God or whatever

or something like that, you know? Right. Right. But here's the problem later on whenever they're describing and I're describing, and I'm sorry for spoiling the movie. Oh, in case you guys don't see this. Whoa, I don't know they're ready. Yeah, I just don't listen to this now. Wait until you listen to it in continuity during our, yeah.

No, whenever they're like, okay, 70% or a half of earth is gonna die. With a whole shift. Yeah, yeah, with the whole shift. And they were like, if that many people die at once, 78% of people won't make it into heaven. Just be milling around. And you're like, wait, is that also a possible, like there's just a, there's just a cutoff.

Like, hey, listen, you were the best person, but we're slammed, man. I'm sorry. The pitch is busy. Like, there's, like, we're just, like, we're just, like, we're just person, but we're slammed, man. I'm sorry. The kitchen's busy. Like, that's like, we're just slammed. I'm sorry, you're going to have to either wonder the earth or go to hell. You good person. On the list. For a wait, even anymore.

Yeah. You know, when you've got like a date night going, yeah, that was an issue for me because then this, that negates this whole priest bullshit. Like, yeah, issue is you, you died on the wrong day. They had enough time to screen you. Yeah. Yeah. If you had died on the 50% or earth died, then you could have slipped it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They're dead, especially. I mean, I know that like Wednesdays are pretty, you know, low traffic days. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Six to eight PM is there. Hi. You want to die at that point.

Yes. It's about time. Yeah. Ultimately God forbid you die on a Friday. Oh, man, a Friday night you are fucked. So yeah, so but the doctor, the dead doctors goes talks to the priest here for a little while about why he became a doctor in the first place and how he lost track of it because of all the materialism.

And this is where he remembers his future baby going away party from earlier in the first place and how he lost track of it because of all the materialism. And this is where he remembers his future baby going away party from earlier in the movie. And he's like, oh, that's what I was supposed to do. All the tuxedos. But the doctor, he says like, or the pre-cested doctor. So now where do you want to go? What do you want to do? And he's like, oh, I'd like to go somewhere where I can repent for all of the evils that I've done and how I lost track of my mission.

And then he comes back to life. They send this goes back to his body. Yeah. Yeah. Don't man. Right. Yeah. Well, so that's not really cool.

I was like, I wasn't expecting him to go there. I was expecting him to go to hell, but no, no, he's still got a job to do. Oh, apparently. Yeah. He's got some soul doctrine to do. Damn it. Fuck yeah. What exactly is the point of being a soul in the sixth dimension going like I'm going to be a doctor because I love people,

but then on earth you don't love people like you just get caught up. So what is you know, like a near death experience to remind yourself that you're supposed to be doing this, which is apparently against the character that you were already going to have exhibiting. Right. apparently against the character that you were already going to have exhibiting right. Yeah. They should have aborted that guy is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. I'm better for everybody. That's the back of the new the seventh dimension t shirt right there.

They should have aborted that guy. All right. Well, do what there are no acts because there's no plot, but coming back to life, at least a dramatic enough thing to earn us a break. But first, let me give AXT the rest of this stream of consciousness to heart sound. What the actual fuck? I mean, seriously? Like what the fuck?

Find out the answers to those questions and more. We'll be returned for the, but then nothing conclusion of the terrifying revelations of no stradamas. Now a word from our sponsor better help. Hey podcast listener, you know that transition from summer back to school can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Pumpkin spice, the crunch of leaves underfoot, or a tremendous amount of stress. And just when things start to get busy, you can seem like the worst time to take care of your mental health, but it's also the most important. For years before I

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All right, everyone gather round to bid farewell to your heavenly family as you journey to earth. Go young Jonah. I know you'll be a great doctor someday and you will be an amazing teacher. Yeah, wow, look at us. What about you, Eli-san? What will you be? Oh, um, you know I actually don't remember. I think maybe they haven't actually told me yet.

So, er, don't be silly. Instructor? Yes. What will Eli-san be on this trip to Earth? Oh, let's see, it's got it in my notes here. Oh, that's right. He's gonna be a podcaster. Right. Oh, let's see, it's got it in my notes. Oh, that's right. He's going to be a podcaster. Right. Oh, yeah, thank you.

Podcaster. Yeah. What's a podcaster? Is it like a fisherman? Yeah, it's kind of like that. So you're going to be a doctor. No, no, no. Podcasters create audio files. They catch no fish.

Thank you, instructor, for that clarification. What kind of audio files are they catch no fish. Thank you instructor for that clarification. What kind of audio files are you going to make? Are the messages of hope and light? Yes. Kind of. I mean, they're mostly going to be Christian movie reviews that people fall asleep to, but lots, lots of people will enjoy that. Oh, that sounds great.

Oh, come on, Alan. You're going to teach some kids the ABCs relax. I didn't say anything. It's the way you set it. It's the way you set it. And we're back for yet more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with some other fucking rando that we've never met. And I don't even think is a future baby looking over environmental data, right?

Yeah, but he's so smart. He needs two computers for his. Yeah, he notices so many moves from one computer. He's like, Oh, I better put this on my important computer. I was staring at those computers. They made me really sentimental. Yeah. I mean, I understand where you guys are coming from, but if you recall

the 90s, you needed an entire computer to run a different word doc. Like it wasn't, he wasn't going from one computer to the other. He was going from 56 kilobytes of memory to 56 kilobytes of memory. One of them, one of them used things work on and the other one was that paper airplane games. So yeah, but he's discovered something interesting in the environmental data. So we cut to an environmental summit where he's presenting this. And this is some random, weird bullshit, but basically what he's arguing is that all the countries that have nuclear capabilities are attracting more natural disasters because the seventh-dimensional gods are pissed and afraid that Jordan's going to nuke them. It's so good. He's like, if you look at this graph and then this one and then all three of them mush together,

you will see, that's nothing. That's a big pink blob. Yes, right, that's the thing, even in their own bullshit map, the shit doesn't match up. Unless there's a bunch of nukes in the ocean. Right, yeah, yeah, exactly that possibility. You don't know what reptilians are about. Yeah, sure.

Those are underground reptilian nuclear bases. Duh. Totally reptiles can be in the water. I saw that. Yes. Yeah. Alligators. They've got nukes.

That's how you can tell the part for crocodiles. So I did not put those pieces together. That was the argument. 100% no idea. Absolutely no clue that that was his argument. Yeah. I thought he was just letting everybody know he's like, Hey, listen, we're all going to die soon. I thought that was the whole message. I didn't know there was an extra. That was the subtext. Yeah. I saw that the map had like countries that have nukes right and then like these are the countries that have wars. And I thought the argument was like having nuclear weapons makes you more likely to have

a war. So it's like a disarmament message. I didn't get the natural disasters coming into it. I know I knew what I were talking. We couldn't. I think we must have been. We were trying to figure out the rest of the ghost shit. Yeah.

I mean, there's a lot just started. Yeah. It was an hour or 20 minutes in and it just started. So we were still getting our popcorn. He also is listing problems here and it's a very much again, a one of these things doesn't belong. He's like, the world is full of problems. Racism, climate change, the movement of the earth's crust.

That one was interesting. That's stuck out. Yeah. That one was stuck out, but also the philosophical oppression stuff out. Yeah, philosophical. Because that's like, you're just talking about you. Come on. Come on, come on.

People making fun of me on the internet. My Coltie ideas. Yeah. And it might as well be like, and people are censoring the happy science project. Right. Is that bullshit? Yeah. They were on that, they were on that first amendment tip, 1994. They were, they were shadow bands on Apple. Actually, they actually started by Pat Buchanan. He was a geezer. So, but he says that the, and I keep in mind, this is supposed to be this international conference

of science. He at the end, he says, behind those natural, this is a quote, behind those natural disasters is the invisible consciousness of the earth. And everybody's like, yep, sure is and they stand up. They're in the innovation. Yeah, the anti-ovation. So, which means they paid them to agree with they they you know, it'd be great. It's a for room full of people all agreed with us.

Let's pay for that to happen. We'll call it the no-strudamus revelation. It would be surprising for a massive symposium filled with scientists to hear that the earth has its own separate consciousness and not question it. And can scream. Yeah, just like standing ovation like holy shit. What a discovery. I will say bald future baby from before is there.

Sure. Right. He's at the same summit. He starts the standing ovation in fact. Oh, that's why that guy showed up. Okay. It's all right. All tied together, guys. So, okay.

So, I was so capricious in judging this movie. It does, it does connect. I feel a little embarrassed now. So speaking of which, now we're going to go check in on teacher, lady, for I'm going to say my favorite scene in the home movie, right? She's holding a class. She starts class by asking all the kids what they want to be when they grow up and one little kid says she wants to be an angel. Yeah.

Okay. I have a question and I'm just going to reveal my own ignorance here is, is this what Japanese classrooms are really like to children scream at each other in perfect unison whenever any one of them speaks. I mean, in anime films, they are. Yeah, sure. That's it. We're watching a live action anime, right? That's what we're doing.

If they, if they're following movies, we're all anime's, they wanted to make this one in anime. Yeah. You know, that, you know, they just go to for it. They're, they're special effects budget was bad enough as it was. We need to get this message out. There's no time for an animation. Time for an event.

Oh, and also this movie is slightly racist towards Koreans. So we don't really want to fuck with our third year. Right. Damn, these races really jumped up when we eliminated them. That's an animation. When the Korean animation studios went by, by so did our budget. Unfortunately. So yeah, so with this little girl wants to be an angel and all the other kids are and the Korean animation studios went by by so did our budget. Unfortunately.

So yeah, so with this little girl wants to be an angel and all the other kids are like, that's stupid and the teachers are like, no, angels exist. Let me explain to you all about it. I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, nowadays the scotus has that says you have to let her do that. So yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But she's aware of it, which is weird. Yeah. Cause I thought a whole lot of this is like, you're not really aware of the thing, agreements you made before you came to being a baby. Well, the doctor certainly wasn't. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't remember my, you know, Oriented, my pre reincarnation orientation.

I thought so. Right. Right. We have to give you a near death experience watching this movie was close, but yeah, not quite there But she's like, yeah, but no, I actually saw an angel once. So that's how she knows right she understand now She saw an angel once and started figuring out the logistics Right, because the kids are like, well, what a angels eat. She's like, oh, angels don't have to eat. They don't poop either as a church.

That was their first question. Their teacher was like, now children, angels are real and I've seen one and the kid was like, so old country buffet, or do they bring snack with them from heaven? Yeah, that sounds about right, honestly. Yeah, there's shitty kids. These kids, you don't understand.

These kids grow up to be the kids in Battle Royale. Oh, we're having a prequel. This is the same universe. 94, 9,000, that makes sense, yeah. Exactly. We have seen the sixth dimension, so we know that none of these kids are angels. That's right. That's right. These are just shit kids. Yeah. These are annoying shitty kids who scream a lot instead of

a yeah. Yeah. There was that one kid though who kept bothering the kid in front of him. Yes. And he was infuriating to me because he was setting up jokes that had no punchline. Yes. He was giving setups for that had no punchline. Yes. He was giving setups for jokes like what is blank? Yeah. If it was going to be a punchline and then there never was. Yeah, no, he was, he was the, the mo of the stuages for sure. Yeah.

And then there was no curly. Yeah, there's infuriating. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly. He was the one shoe dropping of comedy. But the scene ends when he decides that he too would like to be an angel. And so obviously her, her, her, her, the bugging, the teachers like I can make that happen.

And then he walks the con. We'll wait back in, back in 94. That was not as terrible as it was now. Yeah. Now that's a way worse thing. Right. 94 was a different story. So okay. And then this, this bit blew my fucking mind. I had no idea and again

I know I know a little more about the happy science cult and most but then we cut to a scene where this lady is walking by In their words the house of God's curse Right, and then we go inside of that and people are behaving all cultically, except except nothing can look cultish when you compare it to happy science cult. Yeah. So I can't tell if this was a four or against moments. 100%. Whenever she hit the guy with the stick and then the darkness thing, I was like, is the darkness going in or is it coming out because it could go either way? Yeah, I think this is supposed to be making fun of Asian exorcist. Isn't that silly

and maybe a dark practice, but you are also crazy con, man. Don't throw stones if you're the happy science cult. The only way I could take it as this is supposed to be someone bad was that she took money and looked really satisfied. And then there's also a boy oh, you know, yeah, that's the thing is that like it was just showing happy science culture, but it was filled with cartoon sound effects. So you're like, oh, she's not really magical. It reminded me of Jamie Loftus did this podcast where she went down to American spiritualist societies in Florida and all this shit. And she was going through American spiritualism. And essentially the only thing that holds together American spiritualism

is that every spiritualist says that every other spiritualist is a fucking con man. Right. So, so it is, it is like him being like, hey, come on, that religion's stupid. They don't know about the eighths' dementia. Yeah, right. You're like, all right. Okay. Fine. You're right. All right. Well, you need, you always need to have escape goat. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. And again, this time, it seems like it is the only tertiary that Jews. So that's again, high course. And again, this time it seems like it is the only tertiary relief that Jews. So that's again, a high bar. High bar.

So step in the right direction. She turns around from doing the exercise and light some menorah. Oh, you were so close. Oh, you won! So close. Yeah. So now the lady who's outside of this though, that's who

we're really focused on. We're not focused. We'll never see the house of God's curse or the lady from there again no it's the lady walking by that this scene is about yeah so she walks by and then she she sees a bunch of kids playing in a park or big field of dirt one or the other and then she flashes back to the hospital where she learned that her son had cerebral palsy yeah because the, the lazy ass writers at the Nostradamus scenario society couldn't think of any other way to introduce that to the plot.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and yet at the same time, Nostradamus knew about AIDS. That's true. Yeah, it was such a weird moment when they dropped in, like Nostradamus is like, watch out for AIDS. And you're like, holy shit, man, it isn't 1994. It's gonna be worse than AIDS. And it's like, well, that's 1994 as fuck

right now. I really wanted it to cut over to no, Stradamus's assistant. I'm sorry. What's AIDS? It's like 14. Oh, right. I should tell them about AIDS. Well, you know that plague that's right around the corner, same deal. Same deal. Yep. Yep. So the thing with the cerebral palsy, I thought, okay, we're back to abortion messaging here. Totally. This is very much like they gave her the option. They were like, your kids going to probably die. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, was that was that was supposed to be? She's like that was deciding before he was born, whether to keep the baby in this instance. Yeah.

She was the one in the sixth dimension. I got you. Yeah. Right. Because she was the mom. Yeah. She was one of the future babies that the child was one of the future babies too, who wanted to have like a challenging experience.

Right. Yeah. To inspire people and then he fucking died. Yeah. Good work. I feel like there were better ways to inspire people. But yeah, okay. Yeah. Right. Okay. That now it all makes sense now this movie makes perfect sense So yeah, she goes in with some birthday presents, but her kid is I guess also in a coma or something. I don't know

Oh, he's dead. He's dead. She sees his ghost like the next day. He was dead. Yeah, right No, like in 20 minutes later. She sees to go. Yeah. And the dad does not care. No, he wasn't in the sixth dimension. So he wasn't part of this whole. We're planning out our shitty life thing. Yeah. So he's just showing up there, putting in the daily and he's furious that his kid had some sixth dimension cerebral palsy on his head. You know, that's an issue. Yeah. So yeah, so they're sitting down, they she goes in and give the kid presence, the kid can't respond. And then God turns their TV on.

Jordan lost his mind. That was great. God didn't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, God sent a small beam of light the size of a TV. Yes. To suddenly hit the TV turn on and then disappear. Yes. And it was exactly the message that these people would need to write I don't know if there's anything that famously needs to be physically Contacted in order to turn on it's a type of fish. Yeah, and the 90s Yeah, exactly. I do, I do appreciate God being like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, you got to turn on ABC. And channel, channel, channel, channel, what do you guys want to do? Stop watching TG.

I am right. And you channel eight. God's making an angel stand on top with the antenna. All right, hold still. Perfectly still. Oh my God, if you guys keep watching Full House, I am going to be fucking fearing with you and I'm God. So yeah, with the newscaster on the TV, you know, if a member of your family is handicapped

again, their term, you must have the courage to move forward because that's what God wants or something, whatever, right? Yeah. And just then mom hears some laughter outside and wouldn't you know what, it's her son's ghost wandering off to go to heaven now. Right. And clarifying how happy he is, he's like, I loved being trapped in my body and not being able to do anything.

And then dying painfully with a toy on my chest, I've never touched. Hi, mom. You know heaven is real and that life is meaningless and you can be reincarnated and it can give him a point in time. So there's no reason not for you to kill yourself right now. Yeah. I am inspired. Not so inspired.

Now Dan, that little boy sure knew enough about the universe. Do you know what I would call that little boy? Oh, you call them ghost or Thomas Yeah, okay Ghost with the most Unfortunate I know it's he leave it to a professional Because ghost wasn't the hero of the we will soon be going down to the nocturne is dungeon again. So there will be another

character that tied to the whip and post redomas. We're not there yet. No, we're going we're actually going to Italy for the cosinostra. Well done. Is that in Italy? Is that more cosinostra? Right, but isn't that our Italy? Is that more? Cosinostra. Right, but isn't that our thing?

Is that more of... No, that's their Italian mafia. Maricopa. All right, who cares? Yeah. This is going to be an argument for the rest of our likes. So, okay, so, but mom goes outside, she talks to the ghost, the ghost comforts her. It wanders off.

The dad comes out and he's like, is this done? Can you make dinner now or what? Right? You done talking to our dead son because full house is on. We can change the chair. He gave a nice little, he gave a nice little smile of acknowledgement of like, hey, listen, my wife is looking off into the distance at nothing. I'm going to be right here for her.

Yeah. No, it's fair. That's fair. So okay. So we cut back to the seventh dimension where the light angels are explaining that Elcantarius making more light angels wake up. Light is up by 5%. This is the first time that the dark hasn't gained guys. Wrong. Wrong. Really. Wrong. Because she doesn't say light is up 5%. She says light is up 5%, but darkness is still gaining.

It's a netlock. El Cantar is a net loss in the light versus dark. How can light remember it? I wrote that shit down, man. That doesn't even make sense. Nope. Seven dimension math. I just, I don't understand seventh dimension math.

I guess. Yeah. Light has increased by 5%. taking us down to 61%. However, darkness is increased by 8%. Bringing us back up to 64%. Ah! So, and of course the main angel here's like, we need even more light angels. And I'm like, do that has been your solution to literally everything since 1956, okay?

So I appreciated how many times people in the seventh dimension yelled hurry. Yeah. And we've watched a movie that takes 60 rough odd years to occur. And they're like, hurry, we need more light angels 20 years later. Yeah, light angels are finally adults. Yeah. And it's a movie that takes 15 minutes to get to the fucking point of anything. 56 minutes to get to the start. Yeah. So, okay,

so that we cut back to Nostradamus' dungeon. Right. And I got to stop you there because this is where my new character comes in that I had. This was a, this was the idea that I had when I was watching this. This is a French toaster, Thomas. I like this one. This has a good start. Let's hear him out on this one. So this is the character. This is one of his lines. This is the sketch. The blood of the just will be demanded of London burnt by the fire in the year 66. The ancient lady will fall from her high place and many of the same sect will be killed. Ooh, poor syrup on me. Ooh, I love powdered sugar. Ooh, oh man.

I did not expect the sexual undertone. Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, that was my nose. Listen, of all the things I thought I was gonna come to, I was not gonna come to sexy French toast. Right, that wasn't French toaster, Domus is a big picture. That's what makes it French toaster, Domus. It's a that's not engine character. Yeah. French no stirred French toaster Domus is the first one to predict that people would

eventually eat ass in public. Yeah. A lot of Martin Lawrence's early stand-up with actually I'm gonna rip off from it. It's the Fritz Tostadomis. What? So yeah, so Nostradomis is pretty to be a great earthquake in Moscow. That's not exactly like predicting a hurricane hitting North Dakota, but it's pretty fucking close to that. That one was new. That one was new, especially whenever they're ostensibly aware of tectonic plates, you know, yes, earlier they were like, the plates are moving. And then they're like, Moscow's

got an earthquake. And you're like, all right, come on now. Yeah. And the Nostradamus is that if the Kremlin collapses, that'll be the beginning of a catastrophe. I'm like, that's not a prediction. So much as a hot demonstration of how if then's work, right? I'd be way more impressed by a prophecy that was like, and if the Kremlin collapses, it'll actually be fine. Really? We're not.

It will usher in a new age of ice cream flavor. Yeah. Interesting, interesting prophecy. It would, it would be, it would be kind of great. If that scene where everything explodes and like they show that loving tribute to the statue of Liberty right before its head goes flying directly into your face from an explosion. It would be great if immediately after that it cut to and things were better. Yeah. It was fucking great after that. It was wild.

So yeah, so he predicts that after the Moscow earthquake, refugees will flood into Japan, which demonstrates a pale inesque understanding of Russian geography. Yes. And then this is where he says that a disease will attack attack America that's even more terrifying than AIDS, as we mentioned. But okay, so not enough of this past shit. Let's cut to the future. The near future in 1994, 1990 XAD 1990 XAD. It makes more sense that date now that I know that this was 94. I didn't know that as we were watching it, but that makes more sense because then that could still be like a couple of years in the future.

Now I was totally like, this could have been 98, 99 and they're still right in 1990 X. And you're like, I don't know what to tell you, man. Yeah. This is almost 30 years old. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. So, but now the world is coming to an end because the darkness has gotten out of control

and we aborted all the light angels. So we see like a volcano and then Paris gets new to LA floods and the Hollywood side is just fucked. This is where the statue of Liberty explodes. Oh, that was good stuff. Hollywood side was underwater. That's pretty. Yeah, it looked like shit, but 94 look pretty good.

That's true. Now, no, again, it's the context of it, like those effects were all right. They look bad. Yeah. No, I mean, honestly, the day after tomorrow, if you watched the day after tomorrow and this movie side by side, you'd be like, it's good that the day after tomorrow didn't start with an hour of history that they lied about. But there's really not much difference.

Yeah, I'll be at the end of the day. They've been featured on this show now. Yeah. So back in the seventh dimension, the dark commenter reaches 95% and the one guy goes, Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, it's a pole shift. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no case you're thinking, wait, do they think that means the earth just turns sideways and start spinning in another direction? They show you a graphic demonstrating that that is in fact what they think of bullshit.

Yeah, the earth is just going to do a doorknob twist to the right. It's not the magnetic field. It's just going to be like, and then we're back. And we're back. This is another point where Jordan lost it. Well, because the more I think about it, the more I'm like, if you're going to shift the earth in that direction, that quickly, that distance, is it possible that you are going to go fast enough that some humans will just fly up there? They don't like, they're you're suddenly going to look over and see like Jerry gone while

you're attached to a belt like in twister. Here's the reason they have to because it stopped. Right. It did. It returned, but it stopped on the time. It stopped on the right. Yeah, yeah, you have to. They've extinct.

Everyone will be thrown. Yes. Now, to be clear, if the bowl is shift, I guess nobody knows exactly how it works, but like most likely the problem, there would be problems, but they would be like satellite problems and increases in skin cancer and pigeons getting lost and shit. They wouldn't be floods, earthquakes, and boring Monday night football games or whatever the fuck this movie thinks they'll be, right? You're compass will be weird. You know, I don't know if the earth adjusts a full 45 degrees, if that happened one second, I don't know what problems are going to be way bigger than cell phones. They're

going to be bigger than pseudonamis. God knows what could happen right there. We're finally going to give a shit about the plate tectonics. That's what kind of shit is going to go down. The earth go down. Earth's crossed. It's Earth's crossed. Yeah, but this is where they say that half the population will die and 78% of them won't get to get into heaven because there'll be too much of a bottleneck. I guess. Too much? It's too much of a bottleneck. Yeah.

Heaven can't handle that shit. There's a limit. Yeah, no, there's a lot of paperwork. And then we cut to the title cards as missile-based Asia as though missile base was the name of the city and North Asia was the country, right? Right because a huge part of the happy science cults mythology is that Korea and China that North Korea and China are going to New Japan out of existence. That's their plan, right? And the happy science cult advocates for nuclear deterrence and a Preemptive nuclear strike against North Korea and a pre a preemptive nuclear strike against North Korea and China as a solution to that problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. I do appreciate it. I definitely didn't get their nuclear deterrence fried from this, this film. Now that is, that is funny. That's such like a, that's such the white nationalist version of Japanese nationalism where you're like, listen, those people who we totally murdered and raped destroyed their world and killed everybody and then ran

them and then slaved them and then rape and pill it. You know, that whole thing, they are going to evil eedled new cuss. Right. Yes. Whoa, everybody's coming after white people for no reason. Yes, exactly. Yeah, you should start a cult. I should start a cult. I'm pretty good at it. Whoa, everybody's coming after white people for no reason. Yes, exactly. Yeah, you should start a cult.

I should start a cult. I'm pretty good at it. Yeah. Well, I'm keeping in mind that they actually ignore or deny, you know, the rape of Nanking and all of the shit that happened in Korea. Yeah, of course. They pretend under that happened to the first place. Yeah.

Right. If they were white, they would deny the Holocaust. Oh, absolutely. They have it there. Yeah, absolutely. But they do acknowledge the Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, because you know, it was their buddy who did it. All right. So, okay. So the missiles are being reddit. And in the seventh dimension, all the light angels are like, they're going to nuke Japan. They can't do that. That's where the most important person on earth lives. Bold claim, bold claim, every size call.

That's Cintaro, right? Yeah, that's Rio who Osaka, right? That's his name. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He plays a pretty minor part in this film for being like the most important person in the world in the savior.

Okay, Rio who, okay. Yeah, yeah, not Osaka, okay. Yeah, my bad. It doesn't do a lot of work. Thank you for pointing that out. I mean, if you're the director of the film, I think you know that to direct and star in your own film, especially if it's your debut, that might be a little bit a little bit ambitious. You're not musting yourself as the same. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

obviously you didn't realize. Yeah. But to catch yourself as a savior in the movie, come on. Go. Yeah. You want some of you who looks better in the other. You want to handsome or person, you know, was Kursao still alive in the 90s? I think Kursao is still alive in the 90s. Why? Kursao direct this movie is my real issue here. That's a great question. Seven samurai and seventh dimension. There you go. It all sizes all the same universe in carosawa film. So okay, so then the light angels are like hurry. Everyone must head to the savior so we could wrap this stupid fucking movie up. So we get a bunch of people all of the future babies yelling to the savior and all the people

in the earth going towards this Japanese guy, right? Yeah. One forest. Yeah. Everybody's been one forest. This is like honestly, it was kind of a disturbing moment because I know some of this was done with with CGI and everything, but but like a lot of people were involved in this

because this is a huge crowd shot, right? Yeah. Again, some of it was CGI then, but still they had to have like scores of people to make this happen. Can you confirm that it was CGI'd in? I don't know. I'm hoping. See, that's kind of my vibe.

If you're a cult leader, you can get that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. It's not, it's not George Lucas fucking giving Luke Skywalker a medal. Yeah. You know, happened to recreate all those different bullshit. It is a cult leader who can just grab a thousand people on it on a whim, right? Yeah.

They claim 11 million members and are estimated to have as many as 30,000 members. So you can go stand in the woods. It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing a favor for the savior. Listen, of all the things that cult leader could ask you to do that you would do, go stand in a forest. It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're doing a favor for the savior. Listen, of all the things that cult leader could ask you to do that you would do, go stand in a forest. That's a win. Yeah. Right. That's fair.

If a cult leader asks you to stand in the forest, being an extra in a film is the most benign now. Yeah. I get to keep all my fingers. How was the latest calling from the cult leader? Pretty awesome. There's no one put anything up my body. It was a great weekend. Despite that. Yeah. So, okay. So, yeah, but then the missiles are still getting ready. So everybody prays together, like everybody, all over the world, everybody except for the people of missile based North Asia, I guess, all pray together. Right, we cut to people in all different countries, prayin' all the light angels are comin' down to Earth, so we see them standin' around in New York City and in Tokyo, which are the only two cities, apparently.

Yeah, those are the main two. Yeah, we got them covered. The big two. I would put those two, like those two, and then like Harris, Texas. I think those three are the main cities in the world, right? Those are the three. Yeah.

So okay, and then old school Zeus-based cystine chapel, God shows up. Right, flowy white beard God shows up. Yeah. With the whole weird neon lighting on his face. Yeah, yeah, with a purple shit. And then that causes the sky to open up. God draws a huge pentagram that he sucks all the prayer light through.

And he creates, he's got to take out this missile so it doesn't get the savior. He does this with a worldwide earthquake that causes explosions and bridges to clubs millions of people. Was that what happened? Yes, that was all gods fault. I think, I think that was the implication. Man, this is complicated. It knocks down the pyramids, which is gravitationally quite difficult to. And here's, I think what fundamentally is my problem.

My sense of like morality is not included in this movie whatsoever. So if you tell me that God did something, you are not distinguishing between God or the devil or Zeus or whomever, like God knows what it is you could be talking about. So I don't have a moral center. No, that's fair. For like, oh, well, this person definitely wouldn't do that. Nope. Anything's possible. Well, we're talking about a guy who flooded the entire world because he was pissed off at the people he created, right? We're talking about a God who won't let 78% of people in heaven because it's busy. Because he's in the weed. Yeah, God is a shitty TGI hostess.

Welcome to TGI Fridays. The weight is a thousand years. But yeah, so the whole world gets a giant earthquake and all the infrastructure is destroyed, but it's okay because there's a super cute puppy drinking water from some of that destroyed infrastructure. So it's all good. I was cute. Honestly, when I saw the puppy, I was like, I'm back in. It was really cute.

It was a really cute thing. It was a really unique character to root for. Yeah. Right. Right. There's this dog and the dog and from I am legend. Those are the only two that I care about. Why would you bring up the dog from I am legend? I'm such a time man. I'm going to cry. Come on. It was a movie. Yeah. It's a movie to you. It

wasn't even the one with Vincent Price in it. Get out. It was a lifestyle to me, Jordan. It was a lifestyle to me. So everybody's like everybody's like goes out into the earthquake wreckage to to laugh and be happy and Everything and then we check back in with with no stradamas one last time No, nothing. We're just gonna Yeah, I mean I did I didn't I don't Setting you right by. Yeah, I mean, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I don't, I mean, I did think of another character. No, I know. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Yeah. This is a graft versus host or dumbest. Here's, here's this character. It'd be in the form of a PSA. I think PSA.

Yeah, I think there's a PSA character. Okay. Here we go. We'd empire will be torn limb from limb, the all powerful one for more than 400 years. Great power will be given to the dark one from slaves. Come. Be very, very careful when you get a transplant. Can you give me the name of that? Well, straddle was what we're talking about. Craft versus hostard.

Craft versus hostard. So graft versus hostard. Like the graft would be that's a condition that happens sometimes Transplants are rejected. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your immune system. This is really a PSA kind of thing. No, no, no, that's really nice of you. This character is, I mean, we could have gone with Rump Rosterdown.

Sure, that's definitely not an option. I don't know what to do with it. Rump Rosterdown. There are so many meats. Well, this one obviously is for me, because you look at me and you think that's, he's gonna need another liver of actually. to do with it. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right So okay, so yeah, so those stratomas explains that Antarctica is going to break apart and the ancient civilization that used to live there is going to thaw out.

So everything will be fine. Doesn't matter that London was destroyed in a tsunami. Can I ask a question? Did you get an idea of who the civilization underneath the inter-article? Yeah. Because we saw the civilization like be revealed. It meant nothing. And it just disappeared. Like that was the end of it. Like is there? Is that is that followed up on in the city? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Not that I remembered, which I was actually pretty impressed by. I was thinking it was I was thinking it was at Lannis, but I could be wrong. I know. So it landed. It was an article. It could be moved. Oh, because the poll shift could be Lamar. So yeah, it could be any of them right. There's a bunch. Yeah, that's a good point. Let's go. Lamar. That's that's a good one. And land is overuse. Let's go. Lamar. If the earth shifts 45 degrees, you might go from tropics to ice. Exactly. No, it makes that possible. Yeah. I'll come together. So yeah. So, but not not sure, Thomas is like, yes, the poll shift is going to cause a lot of death.

Unless, of course, some cult from Japan prevents this disaster. It would be really helpful. And then meanwhile, just in case you thought everything was going to be okay, not sure why you think that, but just in case you did, we see an alien saw blade landing somewhere and some reptilians get out. Da da da. Right. Right. So they won, right? Like they in the end. I think, well, everybody dies. We have the light angel comes out. He's like, Hey, don't, don't look at this.

I think we don't still need more light angels joining our fucking cult. Man, so why don't you sign up now? You know, right? It does. It, it did remind me somewhat of those like 1960s, 70s nuclear war movies where it'd be like, everybody dies at the end and you watch people die of like radiation sickness. And then at the very end, they're like, this could happen to you. Yes, right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. If there's not enough people that are called, who knows? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So I people that aren't called, who knows? Yeah.

All right. So I'm Dan Jordan. I'm dying to know what you think here. I often ask this question at the end of our shows, but never with quite as much curiosity as this time. In your opinion, what was the moral of this story? I honestly have a tough time answering that. I think because I've realized a bit in the process

of recording this. Yeah. Like, I think that you have helped me understand some of the stuff I saw. True. No, there's a lot I didn't get. On the first viewing, I mean, like, obviously the moral of the story is whatever the cult wants you to think. Right.

Well, sure, sure, sure. The moral of the story is, join the cult and we'll tell you the moral of the story. Right. Yes. But in terms of the actual text, I don't know. What do you got, Jordan? Um, I mean, ultimately, the moral of the story is that gods are fucking useless. And we should nuke them in the same. And we should nuke them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nuke them. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I'm being like, I'm in nooking them would of course be the ideal solution.

And ethically speaking, if gods can be killed by nukes, you have a moral obligation to do it. But here's my problem, all right? So you've got some gods and those gods are going to watch Earth's darkness meter go all the way up to 39% before they think it's a problem, right? Right. So, so that begs the question. If you're going to let it get up to 39% and your solution at that point is wait 20 years until angels ripen into adults.

Well, these babies need to grow. Why can't you look at 5% and think maybe this is going to go south? Right. Let's get this done. Just in case. Yeah, yeah, just in case these gods are fucking useless. They watch the meter go up, try shit and fail. Right.

Like, they consider this. I don't wait for the sun to go all the way down before I turn my headlights on. And if it took 20 years for them to warm up, I'd start much earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so really what what I take away from this and honestly, If it took 20 years for them to warm up, I'd start much earlier. Yeah. Totally. Yeah, yeah. So really what I take away from this and honestly, all myths is that following this God is a way to be an idiot.

Okay. It's unfortunate, but these people are stupid. Like every time I read the Bible, I'm like, oh, well, God's a moron. That's an issue. Or the Quran, like, oh, man, Allah is kind of dumb. Like, oh, shit. You know, like it's fucking terrible. All right.

Well, that's my lesson. Yeah, that actually is the moral of the story. Well, done, sir. Thank you. All right. So just real quickly, we still have you guys here. If our audience wanted to hear more from you

and they're not familiar with your work, where should they go? Well, we are one side is knowledgefight.com, but I actually had two more characters that I had. Oh, there's both. Yeah. So the first one is, I'm sure you want to do them back to back though. Yeah, because you're going to have to,

you're going to have to make sure that you got the order right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. The first is Wizards of the Costa, or Bob, Wizards of the coast of the coast of the coast of Obama. Wizards of the coast are dumbass. This one is a common soldier will make an empire, but he will eventually meet his fate

and be condemned to the great rock. Check out the new magic, the gathering set that's going to be coming soon that people will forget about and then we'll try to get you to buy another one. Fleshy cards, great, good art, also black lotus. All right. So that's that character. Okay. This is where the order is really important.

Yeah. Here's the last one. Okay. It is co-host or bot. Co-host or dumb. Co-host or dumb. Co-host or dumb. Oh, wait, I'm looking forward to co-hosted on us.

Yeah. A great stench. It's going to go well for me. A great stench will come from Lusanne, and they will not know its origin, and they will put out all people from distant places, fire seen in the sky, a foreign nation defeated. I'm Jordan. Baaah. Baaah.

Baaah. Baaah. Baaah. Baaah. Baaah. What's that, your version of my nose? No, you're yelling. You're you're long yelling. Oh, the way. Yeah, that was there. You got you got to you got to commit to it. I'm sorry. Well, done. That was the way to end. That was the way to end. You definitely had the order. I never doubted you at all. I thought you definitely brought it home. Shredamus. Hey, no, no, again, leave it.

For the audience very quickly, if you want to check out more from Dan and Jordan, you can also just check the show notes for this episode. Dan Jordan, thank you so much for hanging out with us. Thank you so much for having us as always. What a delight. And while that does it for a review of the terrifying revelations of Nostradamus, that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to lean back into this thing apparently. So Eli, tell us what's on deck in a small coastal town. Bigfoot is sighted and children go missing.

Oh, good. The town's police chief is fired, leaving only the sheriff. When the sheriff goes missing, the town's only hope is chief Harrison to battle the beast. He finds himself without his weapons and must go hand-to-hand with Bigfoot. With his strength in God and law enforcement training, be enough to save the children in the town. We'll be kicking off our first book, Techular, with what I have been assured is not ironically

made. The badge, the Bible, and Bigfoot. Making off our spooktacular with what I have been assured is not ironically made the badge the Bible and big foot. Oh my God. Oh, I hope it's because if it's that that could be amazing. All right, so with that to look forward to we're gonna bring up so 371 to a merciful close. Once again, huge thanks to Dan and Jordan for helping us out this week and perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go.

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We'll see you in the next one. We'll see you in the next one. We'll see you in the next one. We'll see you in the next one. We'll see you in the next one. We'll see you in the next one. clothes. Nostradamus would go on to distance himself from the happy science cult, saying, quote, those guys are fucking nuts. The first, second, fourth, and fifth dimensions were happy to be left out of this one. The The Preceding Podcast was a production of Buzzle Nathana Sturm LLC, Copyright 2022, all rights reserved.