God Awful Movies - 372: The Badge, The Bible, and Bigfoot

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

This week, the gang teams up for an atheist review of The Badge, The Bible, and Bigfoot, the story of a Christian couple who clearly thought their sexual roleplay videos needed to branch out into a cinematic universe. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I You like that he could beat you up I did say that I did say that he could beat the shit out of you. Yeah hand to hand a thousand dollars for charity What I don't know who said it, but I remember a thousand dollars. We're gonna have to give a thousand dollars to a hate group guys Like this we're definitely giving $1,000 to family research council, but come on. You all don't want that video. I do, yeah. Very slowly in Penny's fulfillment. It'll be fun.

Absolutely. God awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be? Who will be the perfect movie to come back on to from vacation. Right? Wow. This is the Goodest baddest. Yeah, we did happy science cult last week. This is the opposite. Yeah. I'm sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Big foot bimbo.

Bimbo make fun. That's those are words in the title. Yep. It is about that. So Eli is already spoiled this a bit some but tell us he thought what will we be breaking down today? We watched the badge the Bible and Bigfoot real movie real title and yes That's the title except they forgot the Oxford comma. I put it in here in my notes Now this movie is perfect. Now it's just right. Keith owns all the DVDs and has been writing on them in Sharpie. Yeah, most of the week. Yeah, absolutely. It's, it's most of my week. It is the classical biblical story of a perfectly lucid gun owner looking to get revenge against a Yeti who

threatens his family. All right. With the power of Christ. Here's the thing, though, podcaster, it really is, though. And it's none of this fucking Noah's shark. Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a So hard. I don't think that they tried hard, but they were like legitimately trying. So Eli, how bad, like it almost goes without saying, but I have to ask you, how bad was this movie? Well, if you ever wondered about the sexual roleplay of the staff at Dick's Sporting Goods, but you can't jerk off to people without knowing their spiritual life is the same as yours. You will love this movie.

Yeah. So we need to be clear right out of the gate that this is the lowest possible level of quality, right? This is some weird couple did this as a hobby levels of quality. And honestly, I would feel bad making fun of it if it wasn't a so poisonous and be Remarkably bad even by the standard of some weird couple doing it as a hobby. Yeah This you know people have often asked us like hey, you know, you should do this kid who's preaching in his basement Right and we're always like I just get this video has three views and we're two of them This is as close as we've gotten to that quality

while still finding that perfect, perfect level of approachability. This couple is our podcast from now on. It's all I need, it's all there, they're all I need. There you go. They're all I need. Oh, all right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for me and the best?

It would be the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst geometry. Really? In their universe, it's non-uclidean. It's crazy. They don't, just characters appear from the wrong side at the wrong time. They teleport constantly.

Constantly. They're upside down. It's different times of day. I'm travel, yes. It's different times of day and different shots. Yeah. Crazy. There are things that like they had to go out of their way to get wrong. Yeah. Right. Like there are shots that are wrong in ways that would have required more work not less. Or there's a wormhole in Maine somewhere that we just haven't discovered yet. And they were in it when they shot this thing. Oh, right. That's possible. That's that's equally possible. I forget where I wrote it in my notes, but at one point I was like the only way to explain

this blocking is that these actors have a restraining order against each other. One of them has a restraining order against himself based on what I shot. Yeah. And I guess that tracks. Right. All right. So I was going to go with best worst humility. So in the middle of this movie that this man wrote directed and starred in about how he could probably take out big foot with his bare hands.

We're in characters will randomly stop and say shit like, did you save a bunch of orphans from terrorists once? He stops and lectures us on the importance of staying humble. Honestly, so here's the thing. I was about to say the only thing that would be more ironic is if he told us about how problematic movies about fighting Bigfoot are, except he does. Yes. So I'm out of jokes.

I'm going to go with best worst outfit stuff. Yeah. I hinted at it earlier, but I've never been more confident that a movie originated when a couple finished watching their own sex tape and said, that was like good, right? Like, people need to see, not the fucking parts, but like the, yeah, that was great. But almost the fucking parts, right? Oh, but a lot of the fucking parts. Yeah.

I have a lot of questions. We're going to get to my questions about their sex life based on that theory. Yeah. Left to get to the top. I really hope that we don't. All right. Well, we're going to need to dust off some obscure adjectives to properly describe how bad this one is.

So we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be back in a minute with all the randomly lit cell phone footage that he is. The badge, the Bible, and Bigfoot. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. I told you I'm not going back there because you aren't committed to healing. Guys, guys, guys, what's all the ruckus? Keith won't go to therapy for the help he needs.

No, Eli signed me up for therapy, but when I got there, the so-called therapist just turned out to be Eli in a wig. And you were entirely closed off to Dr. Helper brain. So, Eli, if you're looking to start therapy, why not try better help? Oh, what's better help? If you're thinking of giving therapy a try, better help is a great option. It's convenient, accessible, affordable, and entirely online. Get matched with a therapist after filling out a brief survey and switch therapists anytime if they turn out to be like Eli and a wig or something.

Hmm, that does sound good. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can help get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's better, help.com slash awful. All right, fine, fine. We'll use better help. Now, come on Heath, it's time for our appointments at the barber shop. Is it you and a wig? It is me and a wig. Got it. Yep.

All right, kids, gather around. Your mama and I have something to talk to you about. That's right. Your father and I are making a movie. I didn't know you guys do have a might movies. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, what do your father and I always say? Um, how hard could it be? How hard could it be? Exactly. It's going to have everything get excited. How hard could it be? How hard could it be? Exactly.

It's gonna have everything. Get excited. Sharia's Bigfoot action and of course my deep and very serious connection to Jesus. Right. And what are we gonna do with the movie? Well I'm glad you asked, hun. Mostly you're just gonna wander around the woods with your sister. By the whole movie?

For the whole movie. Yes, hun. For the whole movie. Well, is anyone gonna be in the movie but us? Um, your grandpa said he'd be in the movie if we do not show his face at all. You know, the headdressant's just molest their kids. Lucky! And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up with that consistent harbinger

of next-level awful The bridge stone media group logo. Yeah, I wasn't convinced yet that this movie wasn't going to be ironic. So I wrote in my notes, bridge stone media group. It's a good sign. They make a lot of Christian crap, you guys. And then so this is just the most perfect launching off point for how terrible this movie is. Then we get the logo for like the production company of this movie

specifically, which was so dark it was unreadable. There's a W and there's definitely words underneath that, but you can't read them because it never breaks. No, they did not get a chance to break. They're neon signs missing a letter in a movie. In a graphic. Yes. All right, so, okay, so we're gonna open up deep in the jungles of Oregon. Like what was with the music?

It was like jungle drum music, but we're obviously in Oregon. It's a weird. I thought they were gonna, like I wanted the pan over and it's big foot in a drum circle, just being all the beans staring at people. I know a lot of third eye blinding a talk to you. I can do third eye now. Okay. I'm just like,

go go go go go. Who did the acid? It is everyone who did the acid. Okay. Yeah. No, I'm good. I'm feeling anything else. I'm not.

All right. So and of course, everyone in the movie has the same last name. That's always a great sign. Always a fantastic sign. This family is a treasure. I'm so excited. So. All right.

So we look at the Oregon's forest for a little while. Then we look at a small Oregon town while we're listening to a Christian garage band. I want to talk about the fisherman who's going to fuck the fish. Oh, the statue. What? Yeah. So there's, we pan over to this. What is very obviously this town's pride and joy, this big shitty metal statue of a fisherman,

but he 100% looks like he's going to fuck this fish. Right. If the plaque on that statue doesn't read, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of this fish. It misplacked. It's a statue of Matt Walsh. Look at the little mermaid. And by the way, the camera operator very clearly sneezes during one of the panning shots.

And they're just like, and they go and I say camera operator, I'm like the guy with the phone at that time, you know, because the way this movie is going to be filmed is when the dad is on screen, the mom will be holding the phone and when the mom is on screen, the dad will be holding the phone, right? Fine large. Yeah, there are a couple of two shots in the movie and they haven't mastered self-heat

arm's length technology. Oh, no, no, no, it's very clearly they set the phone down didn't know how to look at what was framed in it and then walked off and we're and we're like, I think we're pretty much right in front of it now, right? Yeah. My family of old Jews takes a Thanksgiving family photo, better and more quickly than this movie is shot. So I love how abruptly the Christian music starts here when they're doing it too. Yeah. They give us like the weather report on a radio and the movie, we watch the movie realize this is useless and they're not. It doesn't matter. And it's boring. And then creed or whatever the fuck, you know, fake creed. Like these people know a garage

band that does Christian music. And it's just like so on the nose. The lyrics were, Jesus Christ is your Lord and say look the first thing that happened. That's it. Yeah. It's not so much creed as it is. Like the guy creed has a restraining order. It felt like they were going to start singing to us. Like this is a God off movie. No, he's an Eli. There you go, Jesus. There were definitely some moments that felt like auditions. Yeah. So we watched this guy walk into this town.

The by way, and this is a constant theme throughout the movie. They have no idea how lighting works. So he just walks in and out of shadows. He's completely invisible at certain points, but that they don't give a shit, right? I thought he was an extra because he was so bad. I literally wrote my notes. Oh, look, an extra having a tremendous amount of trouble walking like a human. That's also a good sign. Nope.

That's the protagonist of the movie. He can't walk. He can't walk. And star of the fatter. Oh, yeah. He looks like a photo mosaic of January 6th writer, like all of us on that come on together, just a sketch artist. You asked an AI to draw. Yeah, you plugged that into Dolly. Yeah, right. Exactly. So, but he's the police chief, or at least for right

now he is. And he's running into Claire, the love interest slash his wife slash the mayor. Yeah. And she is, I'm going to go ahead and say a spirit Halloween skeleton. Oh my, okay. So she looks like she has to leave a note on her that says, I'm not dead. I just look like this when she sleeps. Yeah.

No, you cannot leave her in a closed car in a parking lot. People are so they're looking around for Adnan Sayad. If you do that, let me tell you that. She looks like if faces of meth was a makeup campaign instead of a BSA, she's definitely keeping a crypt somewhere for sure. Yeah. For sure. A crypt full of like MLM products. So yeah, but so she tells she warns the police she that they're going to be budget cuts. And then the two of them go for coffee. Now this is the most restraining order of the shot choices, right? You mean when they shoot this conversation directly at his weeness by which I mean the extra skin on his elbow from the inside of his arm hair.

It's so ridiculous. So very clearly what happened is the diner said, I told you all to stop filming in here and he was like, put his phone on the table. He's like, I am going to film in here. You don't know. You don't know. You are a sit-up. I'm standing.

I'm finishing my coffee. I'm on this beach bath for me, family restaurant. Fuck. Speaking of which, can we talk about the ambient noise? I had to use Noah's notes for what the fuck they talked about because it's just actually diner noise in what is very clearly a crowded diner. So I was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, and another thing that's, that is a constant theme of this movie is they do everything in the laziest possible way. So it's not like they just got that noise realized it was too loud and then ADR their lines back over it. No, they just captured the real time audio. So they're speaking at the same volume as all that background noise.

Yeah. So, but again, they just reestablished that there are going to be budget cuts, I guess. And then we have this bizarre shot of a dead deer that's been mauled by a bear. It's like, they just some gross shit they saw on the side of the road and dad was like, oh, I'll be use that for our movie. Hold over. Hold over. We're doing it for the movie. Yeah. And so then we spend about, I'm going to say conservatively seven minutes with Claire Hikein on the beach.

Yeah. Oh my God. It's truly the my biggest worry this week has been. Okay. There are seven minutes of movie. How do we do? Right. Yeah. Everything else is just a bunch of panning shots of Oregon wilderness. Right.

Yeah, she does. I would say seven minutes is nice. So much just it's said on the script Christian beach walking. And that's what she's doing. We actually get literally get a cut of amber waves of grain, but like're like dying because it's this shitty town. But it's what grain actually looks like. Yeah, so it's this shitty. Exactly. Also, it's a super gross looking beach. It is. Right? It's one of those Pacific Norse weth beach

that's like all the rocks are the size of a fucking baseball and you can't walk on it. And then there's some horrible seaweed that like turns into fucking anthrax if you get to leg washing up on the shore. Yeah, it's disgusting. It's a lot of my childhood at the Jersey Shore. You're describing it. Yeah, right.

So yeah, right now at the end of this, I just wrote, well, that scene existed. What the fuck other commentary are you going to write? Okay, my favorite part though is that the movie forgot which character was walking on that beach for Christian. So it's the mayor Claire and she's doing it for the whole scene, but just for like one shot magically the husband teleports in and he's standing in the exact same spot on that beach because he was like, get some b-roll of me, beach walking Christian. I also need to be I wanted it to like slightly tilt over and they're standing next to each other and she's like, oh, you're here too.

Yeah. That would be both of you. Teleported. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. He's walking the other way. They're wormhole. So. Yeah. That character's name, by the way, is Harrison. So we've got Claire and we've got Harrison and And those are the only adult actors that are gonna appear in the movie. How are they gonna pull that off with this movie? Well, you know how sometimes in our skits,

we just have to have Eli talk into himself. We're gonna do that, but a movie. Sure are. Sure are. So this is where we meet the sheriff, who is Harrison doing a silly voice. Yeah, who they gave a different name in the credits. Oh, is that the one that's the... Wait, really?

Yeah. I thought it was a different guy. Oh, okay, all right. No, I think you're right, Noah. I think you're right. You think they lied? Yes, I think they lied right. You think you think they lied? Yes. I think they lied in the credits and it's really him.

There's a shot where you see his face and he's got the same beard. Oh, that interesting, interesting. There's a crazy conspiracy theory that we have concocted now. Why else wouldn't they show that's the idea? That's my assumption. Right. That we only ever see him from like the neck down or we'll see like his hat covering his entire face. That was my assumption. Oh, I thought they hired Wilson from home improvement

and then he was like, I am a method. I own the thing that I do. And can we talk about the voice that this actor has chosen whether it be the protagonist or a third stranger, a faceless stranger? He has gone with, I don't know, a patent Oswald's booker from the angry magician, we have a booker thing. That's a hyper specific one you want to give a failure. You took our jobs, cry falling down a well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's fucking ridiculous. But yeah, the sheriff is calling the chief. He needs some help with some and the chief says, I'll come out later when I finish this case. Is that's a cop thing? Those are police words. The case I'm doing is happening at my desk where I'm wearing a bulletproof vest in front of the indoors. An enormous blue lives matter pro-confederate flag with the black and white red and white. Jesus Christ. How the hell did I miss that?

All right, so now is time for the town council meeting. See, we know this because someone has written town council meeting on a white board behind the actors. Guys is so so well. Okay, wait, first of all whiteboard so sad, right? Like you know exactly what aisle of staples they got it at. Second of all, no actors just white weird. This is going to be done entirely in white so far.

Well, right. Yeah, he'll eventually be standing in front of it. But yeah. So the, the town council meeting at this point, they're deciding that they're gonna disband the police department. They're gonna defund the police in their little town. This super woke town in rural Maine or wherever it is, is disbanding police department. Yeah. Well, Oregon. So, yeah, not, not the least realistic aspect of the film. And this is Claire's turn to do multiple voices. Claire did all the voices here. And she's like, hello, I'm in the honestly, I should say that she does not bother to do two different voices.

She's like, I would like to disband the police. Okay. That sounds like a good idea. All right. Master of disguise over here. But he's just standing there in a close up because they couldn't figure out how to shoot a town meeting of some sort. And he's just arguing at this narrator and the same voice that's arguing with the narrator also. It's so crazy. Right.

I also, it's a tiny moment, but we have to point it out. He has taken his gun out of the holster too early because at the end of this incredibly long scene, he will say, well, take my gun and badge, but he forgot that he's not supposed to do that to the end of the scene. So for the entire scene, for no reason, he is holding his gun backwards and upside down and not acknowledging it. So yeah, so apparently, apparently he's redundant anyway, right? Because they have a share of the takes care of the county. So yeah, I can see this.

This makes this makes perfect sense. This isn't even defunding this police. This is just getting rid of a redundancy. Yeah, but he even offers to take a pay cut and they're like, what, to zero. And he's like, no, I can't. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Good. We're on the same page. I liked it. The movie kind of lost their own argument to themselves here. He's like, you know, I'll be a cop for basically free. And then the town council people are like, okay, you made it worse. Like still know,

you know how that's worse, right? Yeah. You want to be a cop for free. That's terrifying. Choose, let me shoot a black guy if you ever made that great organ. That's all a Mexican. There it is. Yeah, so he says, take my badge and gun, I'm leaving. So he leaves clear runs out after him, right? And she's like, I'm so sorry you got fired. And he says, well, I gave it all I had. And I'm like, was that all you had?

That argument that because that wasn't much. He's just offered to take a baker. No, please. All right. I did everything in my power. Yeah. So, but he drives on it. She's like, oh, you need to drop off the police car. He's like, that'll explain why I don't have a police car at any point in this movie, huh? But I had to drop it off. What a weird thing to attend to, which is watch, where do I drop it off? it, Mary's like in the front. No, can you drop it around the back? Yeah. Why do we need this information people?

Yeah, but he drives off it. Police car trust us. It's a police car. We only see the interior, but you can hear police radio sounds. You also have to remote control to my VCR and my copy of Fletch. You need to return all my stuff. And yeah, so you have to give back the car and we watch him sadly put gas into that car for nobody for a second. Yep, which was so much fun. You know, like a rental. Yeah, I'm returning. Before you return.

Well, was it at three quarters, six eighths? I forgot. God damn it. We got to make me. So okay, so now we get a series of town shots to Christian music again, but this time sadly, right? Okay, and can we talk about the Christian music? Because the Christian music, it seems to be, I definitely said this along to Anna for a possible future God off of Christian music, because it seems to be a Christian song from the viewpoint of, no, I literally don't understand the propositions of Christianity. Not I'm too odd by it, but like,

wait, sorry, can you explain it again, Jesus? I was on my phone. So let's define our turn in this song. So Claire has gone back to the shitty ass beach. And she starts has gone back to the shitty ass beach and she starts like flashing back to earlier scenes. Yes. By which I mean earlier scene because there has been two scenes in the world. 11 minutes into this movie and she's flashing back to shit that just happened. That must be a record even for us, right? Yeah, I like that she was skipping stones in memory of the cop that got fire. Yes. And definitely in the script here, it said like,

Pensive. So this actor, well, she looked up Pensive first and then she was like, oh, thinky. So she bends down and she's like, look, I found a circling thing. What kind of circle is this? So we watch her stare at just like a piece of shit on the beach that flo it up for a while, offensively. Yeah. But eventually this results to a car

driving late at night. Well, a radio broadcast talks about big foot. Now again, lazy as possible way to do everything. So a lot of this movie is just going to be somebody on a radio in the background explaining where in the movie we are to us, right? Yeah. So, okay. So, it's the next morning and we're in the woods and somebody was out hunting, but now they're running away frightened of something. Yes.

And I would like to throw out there that person that was out hunting, I believe is also played by the same actor as the main character. I think you're right. We're getting into any Murphy levels of character multiplicity here. Well, except he's not like wearing some weird disguise or anything. He's just not trying not to show you his face as he runs. Yes. So meanwhile, the chief is at a restaurant listening to Bigfoot talk on the background radio. We were just watching him eat cornbread at this point.

Yep. And you know it's one of those really good local restaurants, right? That's named like Schmitties. Mm-hmm. Right? It's just got three really good dishes and nothing else on the menu. Sorry, nothing was happening in the movie. Yeah.

Right. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. on the menu. Sorry, nothing was happening in the movie. So Claire goes to see the headless sheriff, the guy who we never see the face of with the funny voice to tell him about the big foot reports, but he didn't have time for this big foot shit. He forgot which accent he was doing in between shots like me on D D minus. So for this scene, he's going to be doing my impersonation of Dolly Park. Yeah. So and then we so he calls the chief again, but just in my left headphone, but not my right. Yeah, they did lose mastery over the sound for a second here again. Yeah, that was that was nauseous. But he's like, yeah, I'll

meet you in the in the next scene. But of course, first we have to get more radio big foot exposition. Yeah. This is where, by the way, the camera follows this man outside. He's in the restaurant and it walks out and you know, you're like, oh, wow, how are they going to handle the awkward transition from interior to exterior lighting? Well, you know, they just, they just carry the camera outside and it just does that. So yeah, I don't know if you've ever like made a movie with a little kid where they want

you to do that thing where you film them and then you stop it and then they leave and then you started again and they're like, I disappeared. That's the purposeful cinematography of choices of this film. Yeah. So Chief Harrison gets a phone call to meet Claire at the doc. They need water in the background. And I'm like, oh, good, win to go with their audio mastery, their audio capture mastery. It's so bad that genuinely it feels like someone is blowing a raspberry next to the camera

the entire. I'm a fuck up your movie. I'm the homeless guy who lives on this dock. They said no, it's for a free country. You can't make me stop. Some audio guy was like, just put a condom on it and they were like, no, sin. Absolutely not So yes, so she says a hunter saw something in the woods it was big foot and Chief is like I don't have time for this big foot shit But yeah, you do you're unemployed. Yeah, right. You only have time for shit like that. Yeah

Yeah, but he's the only he's the town's only hope even though he was fired and she's like, I know you I know you'll do it out of principle. And I'm like, okay, well, then I like firing him might not have been the ethical thing to do, but it was definitely the fiscally responsible. That's right. Yeah. Turns out he's just still going to cop for free. Yeah. So I also just have to point out that as though they heard my notes from the first scene they decided to I'm gonna go ahead and say put makeup on the actress for this scene really you think now she looks like she's auditioning for an allergy medicine Come her So are you stuffed up and groggy?

Oh, she's the before yeah, yeah, oh absolutely all right. Well tell you what we more or less have ourselves a plot or As close as we're ever gonna get to one so we're gonna pause there for another break But we're begging a flash with even more of the badge the Bible and bigfoot Need squad cars on the ground and I need three snipers on the roof before I'm off this first call dammit I'm sorry. I'm sorry, who are you? Dutch baby, hostage negotiator. You know the perp? Oh God, which one is it?

Is it the one with the beard or the tall one? The tall one. Got it. Yeah. I, what did he do? He won't brush his teeth. That's what he did. So they called me in.

Cause damn it, I'm the best of the best. Now, you tell me this guy's weaknesses and he'd get inside his head. Look, Mr. the best of the best. Now, you tell me this guy's weaknesses, I need to get inside his head. Look, Mr. Baby. Officer, baby. Officer, baby. If you want help maintaining heath's good oral health, why not just try quip?

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Oh, actually, before you go, could I convince you to maybe talk to the other guy about mango nectar? Wait, you're not saying you live with LDABETICO, do you? I see his reputation precedes him. It did it does indeed it does Dude, oh god earth. Oh, are you taking a shit? Yeah, man, I'm taking a shit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this was supposed to be our big confrontation. Yeah, well, it's the woods, man.

Like, sorry, I didn't have a Starbucks bathroom to pop into. I've been I've been I've been stalking you now for days. Okay, well, if that's true, you'll know I had that really big thermos of chili for lunch. So, you know, what do you expect? Fine, fine. I'm going back in the woods And I'll oh god. I'll kill you later. Thank you By the way that chili smelled amazing Yeah, my secret I put beer in there and I simmer it down. It makes the flavor so much richer. I bet

Yeah, because of the hop because of the hops exactly exactly all right. All right. Yeah. Well kill you later Not gonna kill you later. Ha, not about kill you first. Maybe. We have fun. We do. I'm still shitting. And we're back for more of this shit when we last left off.

Chief Harrison was in a restaurant listening to Bigfoot exposition on the radio, and we're going to rejoin the action with Claire sitting in a different restaurant listening to different Bigfoot exposition on a different radio. Mm-hmm. This local radio station does weather plus Bigfoot and that's it. Pretty much. So most of the time just weather, I guess. Okay, to be fair, that is realistic to Oregon. He's so good. That's the F. No. So okay, so that she calls the chief and this is so fucking amazing because we haven't mentioned, like you know that this guy is listening to this episode, right?

And of all the things he's upset about, the thing he's most upset about is that we haven't brought him up his biceps yet. His sweet, sweet gum. Also Eli said he can beat you up. Just you know, sorry. I did say that. I did say that.

Eli said he could beat the shit out of you. Yeah. Hand to hand. $1,000 for charity? What? I don't know who said it, but I remember $1,000. We're going to have to give $1,000 to a hate group, guys, but it's going to be so funny.

Like, this we're definitely giving $1,000 to family research council, but come on. You all don't want that video. Yeah. Very slowly in pennies will film it. It'll be fine. Absolutely. One penny per year for the next 100,000 years. We're going to hide it somewhere in your office.

Here's the thing. No matter how hard he beats me up, he'll always have felt my erection against his body in the room. He'll be body. That'll be forever. Can't take that back. No. Right. So what's the old saying touching an erection lasts forever? Yep.

That is the old saying. It's the K jewelers. Right. Yeah. That's what it is. I know I recognize it. Yeah. So okay.

So she calls the chief to tell him about the about the big foot stuff, but he's busy doing wraps, staying bald, getting yoked. He's fucking me. And they're even, they're even those stupid bicep weights, right? Not the standard ones, they're the ones you, you buy a set of and then you could click them together. This is 19 workouts and what?

He's even got the dumb weights for working out. I don't understand how those work. What happens with them? You just add more weight to them. Yeah, you click them there more weight. Like Facebook ads seem to think there's any chance I've ever worked out in my entire channel. That is sort of some of these things.

That's a real failure, right? To really bad part of the algorithm. I don't know where they got that. I love, okay, so he's doing his reps and then he just starts saying his motivation out loud, which is a great precedent to set early on in the film. He's just like, I ain't answering that phone because that's Claire. Call me about Bigfoot.

Not all believe in no Bigfoot. Like, okay, we were wondering. I'm glad that you explain that too. I did enjoy it on the radio. We get a little bit like of an extended cut of the radio talking about the big foot conspiracy. And one person says, yeah, we found big foot hair proved it with a DNA test. So it's definitely somewhere close. There's a big foot.

Yeah. How do they think a DNA test works? Oh, what? I would give anything just to include in this movie. What? Yeah. Like, in their head, it's just like you take hair and you smush it on a laptop and it's like big foot.

Like, right, how would you, how would you get that? The DNA spells it out. It's in the little spiral. It's like, Marstow. Get on the weave in. Like, Marstow, but they have four instead of just two. So yeah, there's also a guy on that radio, by the way, that says, I bet it's just a big hairy guy, and that guy is my hero for the duration of the show.

So, okay. And then we introduce this couple's poor goddamn kids into the movie, right? Okay. Maybe I just can't tell white people in part. Are these identical triplets? No. I think it's one actress who does all three parts.

You're theory about the guy. No, it's three different kids. They've just got two of them dressed alike with their hair exactly the same. So from a distance, you think, oh, twins. Yeah. Also, one of them is dressed half the same. Yeah.

And I like to think that that's the least favorite child in the family. Like, that all of them are always matching except for. Yeah. Well, to the point that they actually have to address this at one point, does their walk into the woods. One little girl says to the other, where's your jacket? And she says, I don't have it on. That's for sure. These kids, okay. So we meet these kids planning their trip to the fucking park because otherwise, we wouldn't understand how they knew to be in the park. Right? We get these kids going like after school, we should go to the park and then we cut immediately to them at the park after school.

Yep. Walking. They even for a second show us they're like, all right, let's go to the park. But first, we have to go to school in our lives. Let's do that now. We get half a second of the exterior of a school of bell rings. And then they're like, all right, schools over. We've done that now. Let's do our next activity. We said park, right? Yeah. Flash cut to a goldfish watching this movie. I am following. Well, also we should point out by the way that these little girls are sharing their sentences like the programs from the matrix. It's fucking

batshit. But anyway, so they're all hanging out in the park. These little girls can't even pass the fucking backdeltest in this movie, right? They start talking about how Johnny's gonna ask one of them to the dance. They're savvind or something. Yeah. What the fuck are they talking? It's horrifying. Yeah. So, but at this point, they hear some creepy crunching in the woods by which I mean creepy crunching in the woods, by which I mean, crunching in the woods. And because apparently these filmmakers don't know how woods work, despite the fact that they're in the woods filming it, they're like, oh my God, and the kids all run. Yeah. So apparently the big foot was sneaking up on these

kids, but just to eavesdrop about the school dance for a little bit. Yeah. So clearly. And then they hear a crunching noise and they're like, was that a fucking Yeti? So the Yeti took like one step and there was a giant pile of bubble wrap and like some little print foil right there. Yeah. Like fuck. And he gets back behind the tree, but they run away.

And then in one of those moments and there are several in this movie where you're like, oh, I bet they meant to edit that into a different order. We cut immediately from those kids running terrified from big foot to them playing hide and seek. Yeah. I was like, these children have very short memories. Yeah, that was a goldfish is going, well, don't you guys remember? You were just now running from. Oh, man, it's not making sense again.

All right. Time to take a circle around the ball, see what new movie is playing when I get back. No, they completely forgot, but we do get another crunching noise, and they're like, was that a Yeti? Did we talk about this earlier? Nah, but I think I heard a Yeti.

And I just love the idea of this Yeti, trying to be a ninja and failing miserably, just like trust, sneak up up and he's got like loud corduroy pants. His cell phone goes off when he's right behind the phone. Oh god damn. He's got a wheeze.

Got the apnea. So okay, so they're about to play hide and seek. The one little girl starts counting and just then big foot runs up in grabs her. Yeah. Now this happens so quickly that even going through a frame by frame, I couldn't tell for sure if that was just dad with a brown rug covering him. Yep. It's not by the way, it's like a, it's, I mean, you know, like for a Halloween costume, it's not bad. But they're just so bad at filming that we see one frame of sort of a brown blob and that's it. All right, so and then we immediately cut to the other two girls going like, hey, what happened

to Cindy? She didn't come to find me when I was hiding. Cindy, let's walk in a two foot square area calling her name. Yeah, that should help. So but then they decide that they're going to run away and go tell her mom, they hear the fucking Yeti's Corduroy pants again and stop running. Yeah. And I just want to say if this was really a Christian movie, Big Foot would turn out to be a drag queen at a story. Yeah. But you know what? They left that unturned. You didn't have the guts to do that. But yeah, but so we, we watched the little girls run.

One of them falls down. So big foot grabs her too. One of them does a triple lots over a tiny little twig. Yeah. Really badly. And then also gets taken. Yeah. That was fun. And so I find this to be kind of an interesting thread to talk on as well. So two of the three girls get kidnapped, right? These people obviously have three little girls, but one of them, I guess, got in trouble midway through the movie and they're like, well, you don't get to be in the movie then,

you don't even get kidnapped by a big footer. Get Jacket from Marshalls instead of Lululemon, build it. So yeah, so then we cut to that kid's mom calling 911, or sorry, rather, we continue to pan over the woods While hearing that 911 call because that's the laziest possible way to do it Claire once again providing the voice not doing a different voice No, uh Claire only play she's the alpichino of Christians and a much the only place Claire dammit

So okay, so then we do yet more panning shots of this little town. And keep it by the way, once again, they have no, they've not taken into account things like shadow, time of day, cloud cover, whatever. So occasionally these panning shots are just over a shadow. Yep. Yeah, it's a, they probably are building there or something. I don't know. They do spend about five minutes on the American flag here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also like that to show that he's not a cop anymore. He has changed out of his police space bulk app into his normal cap on the one I assume he wears for like weddings and his dress walk up. Yeah. So yeah. So and then by the way, so the sheriff is out looking for big

foot. And once again, we're just seeing his hat or we're just seeing him from the neck down. He calls the chief again. And he's like, I'm out here looking for big foot. He's like, are you having any look? I ain't got nothing. He's breathing like I just climbed a single stair. It's very confusing. He's very wounded and still not showing his face. At this point, I was like, Oh, he's the Yeti. Oh my God. Honestly, I would love this. If he turned out to be the Yeti at the end, this is my favorite movie. I've built a Yeti and Groucho glasses or something. Yeah, that'd be awesome. But yeah, so we watched this guy walk around in the woods for like, Oh, while again, while

not showing his face. So we watch him from behind mostly at this point walk around in the woods for like, oh, wow, again, while not showing his face. So we watch him from behind mostly. At this point in my notes, I wrote, I'm going to go ahead and nominate the star of this movie to be shots of men's sneakers. Yeah, right. Yeah. We get some ominous moss as a popscare. Yeah, a little moss.

Yeah, that's true. There's a lot of moments here where the cat like the hill walk by in the camera and just keep panning as though we're going to see bigfoot sneaking up on him or something, but then there's just nothing there. Right. Yeah, but then we do get a big foot flash. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's just like running and growling now, giving up on the ninja plan. So it's just like zips up, zips up, zips up, and he's screaming. Yeah, he doesn't care. Yeah. And he comes in with a big flying knee and knocks out the sheriff for the chief or whichever this guy is. Knocks out the chief with a gunshot noise,

which is very confusing. Yeah. So yeah, and then we just, of course, we see that through Bigfoot Cam. What is the difference between a sheriff and a chief? Are they two, there's two different. Yeah, so a sheriff generally is gonna be the county's chief law enforcement officer

where the chief is generally gonna be the cities or the towns. Okay, I tell you guys, I did not know that until I Googled my own jokes, but I had written like seven pages worth of chiefs and sheriffs or the same things jokes for our podcast. And I was like, shit,

shits are different. My dad was a police chief, so he was. I wasn't clear either, yeah. They're racist white guys. It's fine. Yeah, right. They're all the same. Racist like guys, but yeah, they're all the same people. Right. No, sheriffs have a little bit of a twang. Yeah, that's right. They're dolly part. And chief's not so much. Yeah. So, but yeah, but so we just see a hat and a gun in the forest, right? Because they don't want to get violent. They don't want to show blood or anything.

Also, they don't want to go to the trouble of actually opening a catch up packet at any point in this fucking movie. So no, this movie is very anti catch up packet. And we'll learn multiple times. Yeah. Throughout this film, oh, they've been kicked out of an Arby's for trying to get too many catch a packet. Sure.

It's that's how big catch up gets you. So okay. So then we cut to the chief showing us how big a chunk of wood he can carry. This is awesome. It's, it's literally a third of a second of a shot. And it's just him holding a big stump. And he's like, this is a great stump. Where am I going to put this? Great new.

This was all for Claire, guys. This was all for Claire was like, pick it up. And he was like, Oh, you mean this big hit? I'll tell you they took a break. They took a four and a half minute break. I will use the not made cut though. We have to cut. So yeah, so he moves the stump. We watch her watching more Bigfoot video. She's she this is so funny. This is not lazy. This fucking movie is she's watching TV and the TV says we just got this video of Bigfoot and then we watch her watch that right. We don't watch the video. We watch her watching. We watch half of a reaction video. Yeah. But more importantly, we see the sign behind her. Yes. Her home decoration

will haunt me truly for the rest of my life. It is a sign that says autumn leaves and stormy seas. But it's like a fucking special board podcast. Yes. Yeah. With the letters that like go into the slots. Right. Yes. It would the letters that click in, it's not like a whiteboard or a, this is not Michael's level of decor here. No. This is like, if you want to put up no fuss and no fuss and no backtalk and you can, but then you can switch to the, you know, jaunty main theme or organ theme about the season, the leaves.

So. Yeah, but so she sees that video. She has to run and see the cheap and there's this weird stupid fucking moment. So he's he's chopping wood, right? Cause she, you know, again, for Claire when she comes by, but then she has to like mic drop a little bit here. So she also chops wood. Well, she drops an axe onto two twigs that are next to each other. I am not at all going to pretend that I could chop wood better than she just did. No, she chopped that, that's how, that's how it works with a mall. You just use the way to the, she does chop a piece of wood. Yeah. I'm a real. I will fight the husband. I will out chop the white. He's at a challenges.

$1,000. I will wrap battle the children. I'm gonna lose all of these. I will wrap battle the children. I will wrap battle the children fight the husband out shop the wife. But here's my favorite thing about this stupid one shopping scene is that she's wearing gloves. Right. So the idea is he's shopping. Wouldn't she just supposed to grab the ax and say here, let me show you how it's done and chop it too. And he's supposed to go, oh, wow, she's pretty tough or whatever, but she's wearing gloves because she was damned.

She's going to get a splinter. So it means that she went to his shed, found a smaller pair of gloves, got an accent came back and said, Mike, drop. She actually, she was wearing one glove, like a golfer because she does a righty swigs, she chops the wood. And then she gets to do the like take off the glove, like a surgical glove and snap it, like as the mic drop it right it was fucking great So all right, so then so each but she's like you got to go out and find those kids the big foot got and he's like I don't know I've been fired. I don't know if I can go back to that life, you know and she leaves and

Then we get this like military drum procession thing going as he wanders into Ace Hard where except they're not allowed to show the side. Yes, okay. Here's this is supposed to be the arming up scene, right? Yeah. Where the guy go like, you know, John Wick pulls back the thing and sees the guns except he's in a fucking dick spotting. Yes.

With the music in the background, being like, bump, bump, what about a bump, bump, bump, bump. It's like, oh, perfect pushups. I could use that too. That'd be cool. Yeah, right. Yeah, but the thing is, it's the arming up scene where you can't afford a bunch of guns. So you just go to dig sporting goods

and film all the right folks there and have your character to look at Adam. I need a gun for a yet. Is that a tribe one? But can we all just say to ourselves, this is the strongest. Yes, they got right. They went over to the guy at the gun counter at this Dick sporting goods and they were like, we're shooting a movie about Bigfoot and he was like, stop right there.

The answer is yes. Kasa, Aisoo Kasa. All right. So, but then just then Claire has an idea. She's going to pray for help. So I guess she has the opposite. What are the opposite of an idea is she's going to pray for help. And this is like honestly, this was a moment where I'm like, okay, you guys put Bible in the fucking title as though you were just trying to trick us into watching it.

But this is where it goes full Christian, right? Yes. This is where the movie held me deeply in its arms, looked me in the eyes and said, we belong on this podcast. That's not the case. You do belong to this fucking movie. You do. Yeah.

And then so we get her out in the woods looking for the kids herself, right? Since he won't help. But then we get her getting out of her car going, well, if they're not going to help, I'm going to look for them myself. Right? Again, clearly that show it was supposed to go before, but it didn't. And so it just left us going, what the fuck is happening? You know, when you drag one of the videos into your TikTok, which is how they edited this

movie and the, but it's gone two things over and you don't want to drag that. That's how that's seen it up. Where they do a series of cross cuts to nothing here too. So like they learned the word cross cut, I guess, and they tried to do it, but they would just cut back to like the guy Harrison and he's doing nothing. Right. He's still just staring at those. He looks at the camera.

I won't point. He's like, no, go back. Go back. Do you know if we get crazy billionaire money, I know we usually remake the movies in funnier ways. And that's impossible here. So if we get crazy billionaire money, can we like take a day of David Fincher's time to speed back on this. That's what I want. I want Steven Spielberg to watch this movie and do the DVD commentary. What do you think they were? That would be genuinely an amazing movie. Yeah, right.

All right. So now we cut back to her. She's looking through a different part of the woods and we're going to cross cut that with the chief praying as well. Yeah. I love her plan here was just like, gonna walk out into the wood and be like, Cindy, Cindy. And then she's like, fuck, how much woods do is it woods, plural? We got a lot. Right. Should I shake a bed? Well, she's not gonna realize that until act three. I also, we have to talk about this prayer. Oh, yeah, this prayer. He's like, Lord, I need your guidance to fight big foot. I'm too weak without you to fight big foot.

And then to wrap it up, the fucking craziest addition to a prayer I've ever heard. Also, forgive me for killing big foot, which I, I have lots of questions about his theology. If he was like, and I should probably, you know, better ask forgiveness than permission. Right. Yeah. Let forgive me in advance if I murder a big foot. So now, keep in mind, I also might try to hang Mike Pence. I'm not sure. So keep in mind, by the way, that like he's praying for the resolution to some conflict, but they forgot to add a conflict. Right. So as far as we know, his conflict is, do I help these missing girls or knock out the rest of this wood chopping before supper? That's what he's praying. But yeah, but ultimately God says, no, no, man, go ahead and finish up

the movie. So he heads out into the woods with a shotgun. I need God to one time show up in one of these movies and be like, no, no, absolutely not. What are you talking about? And just start flipping through the Bible. We've bigfoot alone. He's my favorite. So, so yeah, so he's out in the woods.

We see him just running through the woods, playing guns with himself. Oh my God. We get a little peek at his tribal tattoo. Yeah. And he's quoting the Bible as he hunts a big foot out loud. Yes. And the Lord's Prayer. So we hear him doing like the value of the shadow that I wanted it to keep going for

like too long. And then he's like, and the Enoch begat your rod. Your rod begat my who's now. Fuck my foos little design. So yes. your own to get my who's the fuck with who's the last to that. So, yes, but Claire then shows up out of fucking nowhere. He turns around and he goes, you're lucky. I didn't blow your face off. And she's like, please, I'm an undead creature of the night.

Are those bullets silver? I don't think I'm, I don't think I have to worry about that shit. I teleport through wormhole. Wow. We both know my head would grow back. We're, we're a couple in Oregon. You've shot me in the head before. Okay. But real, but for real, look, if you're so amped up that you're liable to blow somebody's face off just for being behind you, maybe you

shouldn't get to have a fucking gun. Yeah. And this is, let's just say this is a very real gun. Yes. Oh, yes. Very much the gun that the guy who made this movie will use to assassinate podcaster and comedian darling. He left when he hears this episode. He likes that he's a better shot than you, too. I do it. Okay. I'm doing a quick draw with the husband.

I'm going to work shop off with the wife. He says he doesn't have a better job. He does a better dive role. And he's got better marksmanship. You heard it. Paintball paintball duel. So, oh, okay. All right.

Yeah. Our family against theirs in paintball. That'll and it definitely it'll be paint over. Oh, we've got to get Andrew though. Andrew has to be our ringer for paintball. Yes. All right. So but Claire shows up and she's like,

I'm going to be your partner for the rest of this movie. So we have to have the whole, I don't need no partner. You're a lady. You can't fight Sass Quaches And she's like, remember I chop the wood though. Remember? Remember Also because it's a two shot and someone isn't feeding them the line right before they say it because that's what they obviously have done for the rest of the movie Yep, you could drive a truck full of beef jerky through these pauses. It's like, let me help you. I'm the only one. No. Well, they start repeating themselves and shit that she's like, I don't have additional arguments. You need to stop arguing. And the pauses are so bad. The other actor during the pa is so mad about

each pause. Like, come on. We're just a second ago, went over these two sentences. So, okay. So now we're going to cut to one of the little girls asleep in the forest with big foot, cuddling her, I guess. I don't know what the fuck. I mean, I know it's her dad and the monkey costume, but I still felt a little uncomfortable. It was a little weird. Yeah. Uh-huh. It felt like a little bit of petting, but then a little bit of eating like a little, you know, it wasn't clear.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it's like, like he was mad about broccoli being served and he was like a goth teen trying to like pick it out of the food. So okay, so we get a little bit of growl cam and then we cut back to the chief still going, now we're going to find big footed, we're going to kill him. Right. And they use that apple loop, the barrel on the burr, burr, burr, burr, burr, burr. But yeah, that's their like bad ass slow mo walk.

And yes, they do walk in slow motion. Yes. Oh, let me be clear. I don't, they don't slow motion the video. No, no, no, these two full grown adults whose vote counts more than yours, podcast listener. Go, me, my legs slow. So okay, now we have this amazing moment, right? He gives her the gun. He's like, Hey, are you keep the gun? Because you're a lady. You'll need a gun. I've got these guns, you know, one on each fucking arm. So I can fight

Bigfoot bare handed if I have to I will punch bigfoot to death. That is this plan and then she's like Hold on. I got to get shit For them to deal with the concept of shitting. Yes. Right. This will not be the last time this movie needs to pause for a shit. I love burrow. I was laughing so hard during these two.

They do another shit moment later. It's the best. So, but what, but the key here though is when she goes off to shit, she accidentally leaves the shotgun behind. Oh, yeah. All right. We're right. Yeah.

It's important to the plot. I wanted them to focus on the shooting even more, give us like just her, she goes a little bit away and we get a really loud, difficult shit. And she's like, pass me a pine cone, pass me like 10 pine cones minimum. I need a bunch. Oh, I shouldn't have had the burger at no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't shit. We hold it. Yes. Okay. To be clear, he doesn't say shit. He says hunters don't use the bathroom. Yeah. But they hold it. Yep. Hunters never shit or be in the woods. Or at all. I mean, he just applies that they make it clear that it's just there either.

No. How amazing would it be if the end of this movie instead of the insane ending it has is just him taking a 19 pound shit for the first time in his life. Bill Bill. Oh, that is better actually. So okay, so then we cut to them down by the river realizing that she's left the shot gun behind, right? And he's like, oh, damn it, but I guess worst case scenario, I can just wrestle him to death. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and she's like, sorry, yeah, I used the gun for TP. There were no pie. He's pissed, but yeah, now he apologizes for being mad about leaving behind their only weapon to fight a literal bigfoot. Yes, yeah. Yeah, right. We get a couple of painting shots and he's like, I'm sorry about the last scene and she's like, that's okay.

So you would say something's happened in the movie now. Oh, yes Resolved even yeah, conflict. Yeah, so then they sit down and they have a conversation about You know bigfoot as he relates to Jesus Christ our learn I was waiting for us from yet etiology This whole time and they finally sit down and take it seriously here. Yes, they do. Yes, this is great.

So they explained that there's just been too many reports around the world that matched the description of the latest movie about Bigfoot. And then she explains that God created Bigfoot and he gave us dominion over all the animals. So all we need to do is look Bigfoot in the eye and command him in Jesus' name. Which I just need to point out now, he does not do in the movie. No, be sure the fuck does it, he punches him to death instead, but also like the God-made

fucking bears. Do you think you can do that to a bear lady? Absolutely no illusion. I've never said anything with a pure, stronger heart of certainty. Yes, everyone involved in this film thinks they can command a bear. That's why there was only two daughters in the second. That's one hundred percent. Somebody they know, perhaps that other daughter had a bear show up and they were like, Hey, stop it. It's dominion.

Stop it. And then gotten malt. Yes. Yeah. Well, as if to answer my objection, he goes, yeah, well, with God, all things are possible. All right. Well, tell you what, we can command animals to the name of Jesus. This is a new apologetic, but it gives me fresh ideas on how to disprove God using nothing but my cat.

So I'm going to take a minute to develop that. But first, let me give Acts 3 of the Heart. Is this movie secretly a PSA for the dangers of meth? Why the fuck else would she look like that? Is there a relatively good chance that this dude's going to try to kick our asses now? Find out the answer to these questions and more. We'll return for the, Honderously edited conclusion of the badge, the Bible and big foot.

You know, I said he won't even take it to the mat. He's just going to stand up fight. You just give us an, I'm going to gonna actually, I'm gonna tie my wrist together. Ha ha ha ha. Morb, morb, morb. Again, still nothing. Hey guys, what are you doing? I'm trying to get Heath Pump for September's patron only bonus episode.

Morb. Why is he just, okay, what's morb? Well, so we did the abysmal cinematic abortion more bias for last month's secular patron only bonus episode. Oh, I hear that. Terrible. Boy, was it? Yeah, we even had friend of the show, Thomas Smith come on

to review it with us. All right. Now this I got to hear. How can I get it in my ear holes right now? Why by supporting us over on Patreon, silly, just head to patreon.com slash God awful. Pledge as little as a dollar, and you can get access to 73 secular bonus episodes

of our podcast. Plus, you'll be helping out the show. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM You got another one more time better. Yes, was it? Yes And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin our heroes wandering aimlessly around the woods until Claire finally points out that the woods are really fucking big and so that would never work Like a lot. Yeah, look at all this thousands of Arbach backyard. Yeah. Right. But the new plan is big foot. We'll find them. Right. But then they keep still walking around looking for them. After they keep moving. Yes. You know, there was a whole waste the day of shooting where

they were just sitting there and he was like, this is more and less. Well, and then this is where they feel they need to give him an interesting backstory. This is God damn hilarious. This is honestly the first moment where I felt like, okay, now I feel really good about making fun of these pieces, right? Yes. Yes, because up until then, this was just like a sweet Christian family's weekend project. Yeah.

And this is where I was like, okay, everyone involved is a psychopath. All right, here we go. She goes, is it true what they said about you saving all them children from that school shooting? And this is, can we just say that this school shooting story he tells is every fat guy who looks like me is good guy with a gun wet dream. Yes. You know, it all began with my dive roll training. I did with Joe but my

Now, as you see, I watch a lot of karate movies. So I know I do. I was actually in the dive roll Kumite in 1975. I did a dive roll in Yeah, yeah, he explains that he he was the first one there and he was supposed to wait for backup, but he's the kind of cop that would run in and save those kids without regard to his own safety. In other words, a fictional one. Right. She might as well as said, is it true what they say about your enormous penis and

Heisman trophy? But so. Yeah. No, great question. I actually was in the penis scumatae and the liberal. They were all in 75. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, So yeah, but so he tells us the story of his fucking school shooting kumate or whatever.

And of course there will not be any kind of flashbacks or anything. But in the story, he ran out of ammo, which he's using this to set himself up as heroic that he went up against the guy even though he was out of ammo. But like that means that you fired enough random bullets into a school full of children without hitting the thing that you were aiming at that you ran enough random bullets into a school full of children without hitting the thing that you were aiming at that you ran out. Yeah, this is not a good thing, man. But he'd be, anyway, so he ran,

so I mean, as he pretended, he still had bullets and subdued one gunman with just his, the powers of intimidation. And he bluffed him. Yeah, he actually uses the word, I, he says bluffed. Like he blocked actually uses the word I he says bluffed like he walked into the room and he's like this gun is not empty. I had to see her. Bullets. I surrender. But she's pretty impressed and then she's like, wow, how did you do it?

He's like, well, you know, the Lord was with me that day. He told me to wear my bullet proof vest, even though most of the time I didn't, because it made me look fat. And I'm like, yeah, that's what made you look fat, man. Mr. Bulletproof vest. And this, can we just talk about the sexual tension? Like, this is their favorite role play, right? I don't want to tell turns at a school,

but this is a couple who have done the, oh, you just rescued my child from the school shooting. I never get my thank you. So many, they like know the subtleties of each beat of this. And we're, we're just watching it. Sorry, let me take off this Kevlar. I actually, I'm very spelt as you can see. We're nothing underneath it. You may not like this, but this is peak performance, babe. This is peak performance from here. And then he's like, anyway, enough of us

pointly to be talking about my backstory. Let's, let's go look for them kids and she's like, kiss this first. So we have to watch this couple kiss. They make out for a while and then go to save the kids from big foot. Yes. I've never seen so much sexual tension with so little release. Yeah, no, kid.

Right. Cause the tension is there. But like both of them were told by a wizard that if they opened their mouth during a kiss, they'd turn back into the cats. They started out. So it's more of a face pushing contest than anything. Actually, the thing is, as they were told by a sky wizard or a human on behalf of a sky wizard, that if they open their mouths, they'd burn and hell forever, which isn't less

silly. Yeah, it's true. So anyway, they go off to look for Bigfoot. This is where she comes across the big footprints and they have to tell us that that's what they were going for when they pushed these. They're way too big. She's like, yeah, I think I found you, Eddie Prince. And he's like, yep, that's totally reasonable skill. That's, that's not the size of Godzilla theoretically based on that. It was 16 feet tall. I really wanted a big silly clown footed big foot to show up.

It's time to be like, well, this is very silly. Yeah. So and then of course he has to reiterate that they don't have to find big foot, big foot, find them. So let's keep looking. What? I don't have object permanence. Let's just go right ahead and keep moving. It's okay. So then we cut to the little girls. One of them wakes up and she's like, hey, we're in a nest and she has to say that because otherwise we wouldn't know that that's what they were going for.

Right. There's just some sticks around them. It's not even enough sticks that they're held back in anyway. Right. So the kids just have to like gently push on the sticks to be like, we're in and we're under a twig. Twig. Yeah.

Bigfoot comes over, starts vomiting food and. Yeah. And they're like, you know what, be a good idea is being elsewhere. So they leave the nest. Meanwhile, Claire and the chief are coming up with an idea. He was to use Claire as big footbait. Yeah, right. And I'm like, yeah, me too, man. And she's like, I don't think I can do it.

And he's like, that's the plot of the movie. And she's like, okay, I'm in. And then because he obviously watched the Daily's, let's call them of the first kiss, he was like, I would like a second attempt at a harder kiss. I'm going to be judged for not kissing you hard enough in that first scene. Hard Christian kissing. Yep. I don't want to bet on it. We bench a pure jokes about me. Yeah. Right. We are opposite sex kissing right now. He might as well look at the camera. Yeah. Loving this. I've had sex with a woman. I don't want to wrestle a chubby Jew podcaster. I love this. This is my fantasy right here. You and me just Warren Warren sheens. So we cut back to the girls who are who are trying out that being elsewhere

strategy. And it's so sad watching these poor kids try to walk through the woods because they're like not on a path. So there's just always like a a twig in their face that they're like daintily pushing out of the way. And it's whipping back on the other kid over and over again. How do we get past this one very small branch? This is it. There must be a better way. Yeah. At one point, one of the girls cuts themselves and she's like, Oh, I cut myself. And she's like, can I see it? And she's like, no, dad said we couldn't use faith. Well, yeah, she says, she even says it's bleeding pretty bad. And we're like, we can see it. There's no bleeding. This not. You could have used ketchup, but you didn't.

And now, now I understand why. But yeah, I, a lot of fries and armies. I wrote in my notes like are there more scenes locked behind a pay wall that clue us into how she heard her But for just 299 a month you can see the bloody hand So but then the little girls like we don't know where to go as she's to get. All right I'm sure God will lead us along the right path And I'm like well as a terrifying message to give to children. Yep. Right. Who might actually get lost in the woods at some point. Yep. And we get three little girls praying like dear Lord, what the fuck? I thought we had dominion. We got into a nest. I he vomited into my mouth a second ago. It was two little girls. One of them got eaten by a bear trying to exercise dominion.

But yeah, so get it right, Heath. God, right? Have some respect for the source material. So we cut back to Claire standing around, I don't know, smelling delicious. How do you bait Bigfoot? Right? But she's.

Yeah, Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Bigfoot. So then so Bigfoot fires. right but she's so big foot finds the East Coast chasing her and we get the scene that they're most proud of. I'm sure the scenes where she's running away from big foot. So but the chief steps out and wax big foot with a stick as he's run it by now a fight scene will transpire over the next, I'm gonna say 16 minutes of film, but the two characters fighting each other are the same guy,

right? It's just this guy hunching off screen and then the same guy in a bigfoot suit getting, like, reacting to a punch off screen. These were the cuts of the masturbating part of the sex video that they were able to use. Yeah, and you can see in real time him not overcoming the challenge of I don't know a single other human being who would do this scene with me. Yeah, right? Cause he's just like, all right, shout at me. Shout at Bigfoot. Shout at me. Shout at Bigfoot. Oh, damn, shout at me. Shout at Bigfoot. So there's also like like there's this one moment and I had to rewatch it like four times to figure out where I think they were going for as bigfoot

goes to run away and tries to push a tree on them. But he catches it because of his might because of his strength. And throw time. It's a it is a twig. It's a little angry. He's wrestling with this tiny fishing pole. Well, Eddie very clearly couldn't actually catch it because we just cut to him already having caught it. Go ahead. I caught this. It was much like the stump from earlier. I have the mastery and dominion over wood. Yes, exactly. It was like that scene where like, you know, the parent gets the adrenaline and they pick up a car to get their kid out from it.

But it's like just barely out of frame. You can see a match box edge of the car. Like it's so dumb. So yeah. And then we get to see where like the chief and Claire are like, oh, we got away from Bigfoot. And like the last we saw you were chasing big foot. Yeah.

Right. And then immediately within this scene, they decide that they need to go find big foot again. All right. Let's go find that big foot. We just ran away from shit. Fuck it. It's happening. She goes, we need to make a plan.

He's like, I got a plan. The plan is I'm going to punch him to death. And I'm like, need to make a plan. He's like, I got a plan. The plan is, I'm gonna punch him to death and I'm like, that was already your plan. And then, yes. Insanely, he pulls out a gun. He's like, I do have a gun. Wait. Did you just, did he find that along the way?

Did it just come out of the oven? Now it's freshly baked. What, how the hell does he suddenly have a hand got? Yeah. I respond and then teleported over. You get to start with the other one. The world. No, you're launched, you get the gun when you got out of the BP7.

Battle bus. Yeah. But now she's, they're gonna do a little bit of the cock porn. Yeah. That they do for their sex video. She's like, that's not a big enough gun. And he's like, it's not the gun, but the man behind the gun that matters. It's in her own.

I mean, toddler shoot people, man. It's definitely not the man. I mean, I'm a man. Well, I wrote, I wrote, I'm smoking like a man who's felt the need to defend his penis's stature before. She's like, but I'm afraid of big foot. He's like, the Bible tells us 365 times not to fear. And I'm like, yeah, mostly dragons and shit, though, it does tell you to fear God, right? But so having just successfully lost a big foot, they had out to find big foot again.

And now here's what I can only imagine happened. They literally copied a page of the script and put it later in the movie, because now in the exact same words, Claire is gonna hurt her hands. Yes, right. Right, and she doesn't so poorly that we're cutting away from her.

She stands up and she goes, ah, and we're like, was that tripping? Did she get kidnapped by Bigfoot? What the fuck happens? And ah, and we're like, was that tripping? Did she get kidnapped by bigfoot? What the fuck happened? And hey, can I just say credit to the boldness? Because with the kids, it was like, oh, it's bleeding real bad.

And we're like, we would be able to see it. In this, she's like, I hurt my hand. And he's like, let me see it. And we just get a fucking shot of a completely normal hand. And he's like, yep. It's obviously hurt. This is I am like Moishi hurting his hand during an escape room.

Yeah, right. Yeah. And of course he goes, it's okay, Claire, you're supposed to hurt yourself. You're a lady. You're not good at this action movie stuff. So then we get another walking through the woods scene where Claire's just trying to make small talks. She's like, oh, aren't you also a war hero? And he's like, yes, I am a war hero with a whole bunch of medals and stuff as well.

I have a theory that like this is a fantasy she likes, but he wasn't in the mood for her. Oh, okay. He was like, hun, we just did the school shooter one. It doesn't make sense for me to be a school shooter or a hero. I want to go again. Do the warrior or not. I'm not.

Because he's given her these really weird, short teenage answers. You're right. Yes. Just give me like 10 minutes and we'll do the war one. Fine. Just let me get some Chinese food and a gate right? It ends.

Then we can fight Bigfoot if you know what I mean. Well, but so as part of his resistance to talk too much about what a war hero is, this is when we get my best worse. He starts talking about the importance of humility, right? In the middle of his I'm a hero cop military war hero badass that can fight mythical primates with my bare hands to death. He stops to talk about how humbly. Yeah.

If you read in the Bible that you shouldn't think about anything that already happened. So humility or something like that. And literally the worst lesson about not ever having lessons in your life. Yeah. And then he has to take a shit. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, we pause the movie again so that it can be like, oh, also I also have to take a shit. And she's like, why would you?

Cause you got to, you got to in the movie. Yeah, you got to take a shit. She's like, I thought hunters don't shit. You said that and he's like, yeah, but cops do shit. What, what argument are they settling there But hunters don't shit. You said that and he's like, yeah, but cops do shit. What? What argument are they settling there in their lives? About cops and hunters. What's being, you know, ameliorated?

Something is being adjudicated there. Absolutely. Adjudicated, that was the word. Yes, adjudicated. What's being adjudicated? All right, so yes, so, and that chitting exchange, by the way, it's there for its own sake It's not like big foot attacks him mid shit. No or big foot's like you seem a lot lighter than the left

Right in the next scene. He's just already shit and now she's spotted bigfoot Yeah, this movie is plot like an improv skit for boxing. He says, yeah, I see him and then she goes, there he is. And so he just said, you saw it. And can't just, can we talk about the actual costume of Bigfoot for a second? Oh, it's so silly. It's just like, they give you shots of it. And this is like one of the times they give you actually a little bit more of an extended

shot. It's supposed to be like a pop scare that, you know, you see him for a second, but it's just like curious George behind a tree. Sure is. It's so stupid. Sure is. Yeah, no, it's got all the life of a 1986 Aquaman mask. Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like William Shatner needs to come on and like throw a big roundhouse at it. You're welcome, alien species. Yeah. And so the chief praised the God for big foot killing powers. And then his gun doesn't work. We've added this like where the fuck did it come from gun? Cause apparently he wanted to show off his handgun too. Yeah, he got it back from the cops after you know, the charges were just perfect.

Just in time for the last half of my movie. Yeah, there you go. So he puts up his dukes and he fist fights bigfoot. Again, this is it. We watch him punching something off camera. Occasionally we get a lot, occasionally constantly through this, we get him punching trees. So many trees. Through trees. So many trees through trees, but to be clear,

that means a very old, very small rotting branch. Rodded tree, yeah. Right. You can see a little bit of their hand on a couple of them. So yeah. So, but eventually the big foot knocks him down and picks up a rock and he's just about to smush Harrison's head with it when something different than that happens. I have no fucking idea. I just I literally don't did Claire shoot him. It's it's super duper fucking unclear. I think he just got hit in the face with a rock, but he's okay because his face is

enormous and thick. Just like his war hero metals and everything else involved in the role play. Yeah. So yeah, so then Claire runs in and kicks big foot in the nuts. And then when they actually they're not going to go for that because you know, the Bible tells you not to kick somebody in the nuts then not to cut off her hand right so she kicks him in the knee But then and then she jumps on his back piggyback style, right? Like the man in black fighting Andre the giant she starts throwing four skins Adam bigfoot Vomited food into your kids mouths so bigfoot starts strangling her.

And that's when the chief wakes up and stops him from doing that off camera. Okay. And then they punch. We watch so much punch. It's true. This is the only point at which in this movie where I thought maybe they were joking, because it is the length of the back and forth punching is laugh twice and then laugh again levels of right. So good. At one point, there's another very small twig and he's just like, smash is it down off the tree so we can walk past. Oh bad ass twig smashing.

That made it by the way into the preview for this movie. So we can walk past. Yes. Oh bad ass twig smashing. In a moment, we're just quick. That made it by the way, into the preview for this movie. Well, folks, this is our Amazon Prime and you should absolutely watch it. You should force your entire

family to watch it. But at the very least, watch the preview for it on IMDB. This twig smacking is the shot. We think it was in the teaser. Into the preview. It's in the trailer.

Yeah. Oh, and that's supposed to be like a, oh, here it goes. Yes. Exactly. You remember when Superman was in that bad mission, impossible movie, any cocked his arms, and it was cool. That's, this guy saw that and was like, all right, I'm going to go ahead and break these teeth. I'm running with my bad ass. Two weeks a little too green. It just bends and he's like, Oh, okay. Okay, hold on, hold on. I got it.

I got started. Rip it. Got a wiggle it back and forth. A little bit there. Just him trying desperately. So I did enjoy how he had the identical punching style of Bigfoot. Yes. At points.

So like they actually like his brain and Bigfoot, it's the same fucking guy. So I guess, but there are two brains line up. It's a mirror match and they like, they're fists into each other because they thought of the exact same mirror style right left hook at the same. Clearly. Yeah. Well, right, left hook at the same. Clearly. Yeah, but ultimately, after an incredibly, comically, impossibly long time, he punches big put to death.

Yeah. And then the little girls run up and they're like, we found you as convenient and solves everything. And now we watch this family's vacation video. Yes. Well okay, so but we get there in the most incredible goddamn fucking dream. Okay. Come on. Did you guys see it was just a dream coming? I did not. I did not. The most predictable ending in the history of film completely caught me by surprise.

No, it is. It did. This is a good film. I think you're just trying to like compliment you and back out of the fight. That's what's happening now. But you still need to try to even of me even if you like your ending. I did enjoy just what this means. So it's all a dream,

which means this guy had a dream that included two different shits one himself. I wanted him to wake up and be like, look at his wife and be like, do you shit yourself? Did I shit myself? Did you shit myself? Did I shoot myself? Did you shoot myself?

Did you, did you shit myself? Is the real question? But yeah, he wakes up, they're married, you know, like in outside the movie. And he's like, I got to stop watching violent action movies. And they talk about how bad action movies are at the end of this action movie. Well, yeah, but then he starts talking about like, if only there were Christian action movies where they don't even use ketchup blood and they reinforce one's faith and belief in Christ, that would sure be useful. I bet there's a market for. Can I also say that there's one authentically tragic moment in this scene?

So the thing that they say back and forth over and over again is like, oh, it's because you're such a badass cop because I'm sure this guy is also a cop. They're like, yeah, you use the action movies to relieve your stress because you're cop and you're the cop is being cop is so hard. Blue lives matter flag don't tread on me. But then there's a pause. And in the only performance she gives in the entire movie, Claire just goes, it's been hard. Yeah, but, but nothing. Right, and then they, it's not like, it's been hard. We don't know what's been hard, but it has been hard.

She just needed to say it and get it captured on camera and put it on after some time. Just, I'm with you every day. That's really difficult. Oh, I hope I get saved by some surprisingly agility-prone podcaster in a boxing match for 1000 hours. Oh, so yeah, but she was reading the Bible though, while was dreaming the movie and she'd like to quote us some of it now and then he's like, yeah, you know what?

I'm gonna be a better husband and a better father and I'm like, then what? Then what we've never met you as a character. No, I do. you are the Oh, but then we watched their fucking home movies. We watched him and the kids run around and do shenanigans with crabs and shit. Yeah, I have to talk about the dead crab shenanigans because he picks up a dead crab and he's like, and the girls all run away. And then he's like, I'm a pretend to eat it, but actually, but and he's like, there was a wet part that got all of my time.

Someone put a tank crab in my mouth. I should wake, can we wake up again? Let's start over. And then we have the most discordant, possible ending, right? I was honestly going to use this as my best words for many here, but so this all this montage ends on a shot of the sun through a heart shaped hole in a leaf, right? They were super proud of that when it was really, really artsy. And then all of a sudden in these giant like Robocop silver shiny block letters, it comes out and goes, the badge, the Bible and big foot right

after the heart shape, fucking hole. And the, the attempt at that art thing is the best too, because it's like, we, it's long. So it's, it, we're showing it. It's a leaf with a hole in it that's, it's like a metaphor. No, we have nothing. The Bible. You know what this is? This is the two of them decided, you know what? Why are we just doing it? We are, we'll end it both ways. We'll both get our ending. You get your Instagram picture and I get my credits. that bought on fiber. All right, well, that's it. I'm not going to bother asking you guys to try to pluck a moral fat piece of shit. So I guess that's going to do it for our review of the badge, the Bible and big, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we're just getting this spooktacular started. So Eli tell us what's on deck.

Eli tell us what's on deck. A man shrouded in mystery. Known only as the reconciler, gathers those who were a strange, angry, and distant from each other to see if they can reconcile before it's too late. A female reporter is assigned by her editor to investigate the darkness he feels is pervading the world. What a surprise ending leaves audiences entirely captivated. We'll be continuing our Halloween spooktacular with the wrecking siren.

The Emilia Rader. He'll be back. What the fuck? What a medium urge. So with that to look forward to, we're going to this so 372 to a merciful close once again huge thanks All the patreon donors to help make the show go if you like to contact yourself among their ranks You can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an entry version of my Reopposite you don't just help us out a ton by living a five star review

She'll show on all your various social media platforms and if enjoyed this show Be sure to check out our simply shows the skating a diastitation to a dnd minus the skeptic right available wherever podcasts live If you have questions comments or cinematic suggestion Jeannie magat off moviesandgmail.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law, this is a P.E.R.D.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.R.T.T.R.T.T.R.T or no chunk next week until then, we'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes. David Owen Wright tried to return a shotgun covered in shit to dick supporting us. They gave him Storker. Yeah. Ashley Hayes Wright went on the free-based crushed suit-of-thead out behind the

Jupiter's travel set. This family made like five more movies and we will be watching. I think it's what that? It's so many more than that. And a mini-series or two? Oh no, it's not. It's gonna be great. That's what the show is now.

Oh, I think so. It's not. You like got sexual with the description of how he's going to beat you up, to be honest. Yeah. Sexual. You like, you like, you like going to end up in a threesome with this couple. Oh, sure. I wish. It's the.

The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on the Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2022. couple. Oh, sure. I wish. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and Ethnistrum LLC Copyright 2022. All right, it's reserved.