God Awful Movies - 376: Gam376 Halloween Hero

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of Halloween Hero, the story of a suicidal cop meeting a 12 year old girl and deciding to keep her. --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I have a very upsetting question. This movie contains a jar of gafilter fish, Manachevets wine, and a sign that says Shabbat Shalom. Is there any chance that their rights are due? I based on their filmmaking skills alone, I'm gonna say no, Ela. Wait, there's no way- maybe they were just in hopes that like, they would help them control the media, they were like, not necessarily, they weren't for Steven.

He's a philohamer. God awful. Movie. Movie. OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OO OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE O Northeast is my bad friend Eli Bostic Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am amazing Noah. I know that you are, sir. And also, joining us this week is guest massacres to extraordinaire who is in for a fucking treat. Michael Marshall. Marsh. Welcome back. Oh, hey, guys, this one was a tree. So I don't want to give too much away, but I have never encountered the So I don't want to give too much away, but I had never encountered the authorial voice behind this particular effort before and I am delighted to have them in my life.

Oh, it was a trick and a treat. It really was. So tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Halloween Hero, which is the story of a widowed cop who's suicide attempt is interrupted by an orphaned 11-year-old who on his door, so he decides to just keep her. Yep. Essentially. Oh, and it happens at Halloween, but that has literally zero bearing on anything in this movie. So we did it, everybody.

Well, it bears on the title. Get that end credit music going, Morgan. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. Short one this week.

And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you enjoyed the badge, the Bible and Bigfoot, the first entry of the right family we reviewed on this podcast, but all the complicated twists and turns of its incredibly well-written plot that you confused, you will love this movie because it's about literally nothing happening. Yes, it's the story of the writer sabotaging their own attempt to have a plot. Yes. Yeah, no, apparently we're going to start and end the smooth tagular with right family films because damn it, we have earned it.

And also we can do and flick them on Mars for the first time. That's so fun. I'm so happy. Just the first Mars they've made many, many films. I'm sorry, you. I can't wait to get to really delve into that catalog. Oh, so does anything guess what I'm nominating this one from being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm gonna say best worst budget saving measures because I think this film, I suspect it didn't have a very large budget. I mean, it had a cast of like three people half the time pretending to be somebody else. Double digits, financially, I would say there's the budget. Yeah, absolutely. And you can tell because throughout this film, they make some decisions around like the props and the staging that is very clearly trying to cut corners.

Like, do we need to really break a glass? Or should we just kind of show this thing that looks like broken glass? Well, do we really need it by a second calendar? We've written on it once, that will stick to it. I think there's just, I've got throughout my notes, I've got like, oh, I can see why they were trying to save money on the budget there. It's just a recurring motif throughout this film. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Again, like the budget for these movies is $80, $90 max. Oh, yeah. And honestly, normally we wouldn't even make fun of something that's this low budget,

except that they're so earnest. From the horror, oh God yeah. And the messaging is so poisonous, and they're putting it out in the world, like they're daring us to do these movies. So yeah. Yeah, completely. I mean, the budget is about $80,

and at least $30 that is on peach naps as far as I can. Be up. Sure is. I can't tell you $30 of that is on peach naps as far as I can. Be up. Sure is. I can't tell you how much of a temptation it is to just pay pal the rights $100 and be like, oh man, I hope y'all do a QAnon movie. Just ignore dedicated Christian. Be like a boss. Nick.

That sounds Christian. They both have me. All right. I'm gonna go with the best worst credit padding, right? So again, there's three people on this movie, right? Like when they need another person, we just see that person from behind or that person's wearing a mask literally. So it's that kind of film. So in order to make it seem like they had a legitimate cinematic runtime of checks notes, 51 minutes,

they had to legitimate cinematic runtime of checks notes 51 minutes, they had to draw out that six person credits, right? And they do that by giving us, I'm not kidding here. I'm not exaggerating 18 second long still shots of the actors with their name on screen. And by the way, in Stony silence, right? The music for the credits doesn't kick in until that shit is over. We do that seven fucking times. It's so weird. It's so weird that it's in silence. Like, we all have to rewind to make sure we have like, I've copied it and fucked up right? Yeah. Absolutely. It's gone on. We're in here. Right right because there's no sound and the picture isn't moving

and you're like am I looking at a photograph for watching a video. Yeah. Hard to tell and I'm I'm gonna go with best worst black guy. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Here's all I'm gonna say because it's the peak of my

existence and we're all good when we talk about it But if you've ever listened to our reviews of Ashley writes movies and thought to yourself Oh, that feels a little mean, you know, this is a family and you know Maybe they're just doing a side project and they're bad at making movies. I promise you that this movie will relieve you of that guilt Feel bad of that guilt. You will never feel bad. Freshly right. Ever again. Yep. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we need to be at peak performance to describe stuff this bad. So we're going to pause for a quick steroid break, but we're back in a flash with all the incongruous

nonsense that he is Halloween hero. Okay, what about health crunch? 99, 99 a week. Come on, seriously. I'm just reading either prices. Hey guys, what's up? Hey, no, I he that I wanna get into peak physical shape in time for QED, but all these personal trainers

and DVD programs, they're just so expensive. People were in shape before money. I don't know how this is possible. Guys, guys. First of all We have like two days left out QED exactly massive gains What we're gonna do and two if you're looking to get in shape in a way that doesn't break the bank Why not try fit pod? what's

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All right, Eli. Let's download the SAP and get to work. We got a check in for the flights in like two hours. Oh, I mean, that's plenty of time, right? We got this. Oh, okay. massive kids All right kids gather around Already here, mom. Right right. Well good news. Let me guess you well you wrote another movie. That's right This one is about a big

Strong and strong little girls or girl You wrote another movie. That's right. This one is about a big Strong Little girls or girl But yes, I'm but it but it's also about his faith in Christ Okay, yes, it's also about his faith in Christ, but it's also gonna focus on How much he loves his wife who is played by you Do you kids want me to be able to fuck your father or not? is on how much your loves is wife who is played by you. Do you kids want me to be able to fuck your father or not? No, we do not actively know unsupported.

And we're back for the breakdown and we're once again, gonna open up on their to dark to read it logo. You know, there's too hot for TV. There's too dark for logo. Yeah. There's that too. Oh, so happy to be so I should tell the listeners were actually recording this in advance. This is only the week after our first visit with the right family. And we came back right away and I was very happy to see that.

But the logo is so bad because it's so dark and because of the way each of the letters is kind of lit. It looks like it says the right fathomely film as well. And I was trying to figure out what they meant by fathomely for a while. What they misspelled before I realized it was an M with just the sides missing. Yeah. So, okay, so we start off with the little logo and then we get police lights and there's a gunshot and we zoom in on and I'm going to go ahead and put this in air quotes, broken glass. Like this could be a photograph of broken glass with a police tape over it, right?

Honestly, I would have been more impressed by just a whiteboard that said the words broken glass. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And it's, it's an extreme close up. And like the extreme close up, that shot really is the true savior of the low budget film. This is the first moment that I had where it was like,

do we need to smash like a whole window for this shot? No, no, it's fine. If we just get a close enough view of the back of marshes old iPhone and before some police say it, they'll get the gist of things broke and it's fine. Yeah, right. What glasses is meant to be breaking?

I don't fucking know. Uncleared, never is relevant to the movie or anything else. I think they just gotta hold a year old iPhone and they're like, we can make some use of this. We got an idea. And so it's gonna be RC. Look, I'm about to pawn this thing for a racist man.

But before we do, I have an idea. So, yeah, so we see, we hear the gunshot, we see the broken glass, then we open up on our hero David Owen Wright, his character's name, I believe is Michael in this one. And he's an alcoholic that keeps a variety of lines about. Okay, just to stop getting too say to me. Yeah. Okay. Wait, let's talk about this. This is masterful.

We've watched, this is episode 376. I would say we have watched easily one hundred morning people binge drinking right? Easily 100. This is by far the funniest because one half of the bottles are like red wine. Yep. And then the other half are things that you stole from your parents cabinet. It's a kid to drink behind the seven eleven. And there's supposed to be our heroes rock bottom. Yeah. Like one of those bottles, I swear it's a pot. Like he's a classy alcohol.

It's like, well, you know, I'm going to have one of my, my different varieties of red wine and alcoholic. I didn't just bulk by. I thought, I've got a really shop around and then I'll polish that off for the pot and then maybe a little bit of blackberry wine that I've got there, there was a Manashewitz blackberry wine, incredible choice.

Yeah. So. Also on the table with all the wine, there was a tea light candle and I thought is this meant to be him in crisis or him having some middle-age moms me time? Like it's the next time I can be him pulling out a copy of 50 shades and a tashi one.

Oh, right. Yeah. Slips into a morning bubble bath. We're bubbles are all black. Well, I will say, by the way, so he doesn't make us wait for a good look at his guns in this one. We basically open on his biceps. Oh, yeah, we do. He insisted apparently for this movie that like his characters most defining trade is

this refusal to wear sleeves, right? Yes. So much so spoiler alert, we'll address it later in the movie. So much so that it made it into the spoken dialogue of the film. Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely that.

Now, and we can tell that he is or was a police officer because he's wearing his police ball cap. Damn it. Say what you will about the right family, but they are getting their money out of that police ball. Yeah, enough. Two for two films so far. And then he starts flashing.

He's like looking at himself in the mirror. He's super sad. And then he starts flashing back to his wife who is wearing her canine unit shirt. Also, he's looking in the mirror. Again, we've probably seen 20, 30, maybe 50, look in the mirror at yourself in sorrows throughout all these episodes, but the actor who plays the main character doesn't have object permanence. So he watched him get lost in the mirror a little bit.

He's like, who's that? Nope, nope me. It's me. Yeah, 100%. If you look at your face long enough, I wrote him my notes quick, draw a dot on his fall head in the mirror like they do to test an elephant statue.

So see where he tries to clean it off. There's no question that when Ashley leaves the house, she has to like put newspaper over the mirror. So he doesn't bark at himself and not sleep. Yeah, so we see that. We see the flashback and then he stares at a picture over in case we haven't gotten it yet. And isn't she, she's dressed as the police in the picture as well.

So like every time we see her, basically, she's like more steps ahead, she's dressed as police. Yes, everything we see, this family has so much police merch. Like, are they sponsored by the police? Is that what's going on? Because everything in this house is either completely white decor in every single room, or it's police branded. Those are the two options they've got for what's going on in this house.

Well, so we determined when we did their first movie, March, or our first foray into their movies rather that all of this is an outgrowth of the sex games that Ashley and David play. And I think that she has a police thing, right? Right. Yeah. And she's in the K and I unit for him. So does he have a dark thing? Is that where that's where it is? It is the official position of Puzzle and the David has a dark thing. We're also trying to get David to beat Eli up. So as a dog thing. We're also trying to get David to beat Eli

up. So there's. We're also doing a baby. March is the only member of our cast. You can't be enough to just keep me tracking home. All right. So then we can't. I'm going to I hate to say it this early in the film, but the most amazing thing I

have ever seen in my life. All right. Yep. So they need to establish that he is going to kill himself on Halloween, which they're going to do brilliantly by having him write the word death with exclamation marks on a calendar on Halloween. Yep. My notes are literally, that's the funniest thing we've ever seen. Hey, guys, that's by far the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Oh, wow. But I had nothing thing I've ever seen. Oh wow. But I had nothing. I had nothing. I was just like, there it is. But here's the thing is that it gets funnier. Because if you look at the goddamn calendar you will see that he has misspelled the word death and had to cross it out and is now doing take two. This is take two of the word death.

But they didn't just get another account. So that's what I love. This is again, this is the budget serving thing. You know, they they don't have it. Do we do we really need to dip into the budget to buy a whole second counter for this retake? No, no, no, it's fine. We'll just cross the word death out and then write it again like you forgot what else you're going to be there. It's fine. Don't worry about it. The thing is, if you look at it, this is a free promotional calendar. If you pull, it's free.

That's the thing, it's free. It's free. It's got like a referral link on it. For like, if you give this link to your friends and family, you can get money out. And I hate it when you're consuming media. And then they randomly insert an ad with a referral cord on in the middle of it.

It's just so intrusive. Today's as podcasted is sponsored by, yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. So yes, so he brings death on his scale under foreshadowing. And then we watch him look down the barrel of his gun, which I do not believe for a second is a prop. Absolutely not. No way. It's the scariest part of this movie is watching this actor handle what I promise on the life of my son was a loaded gun. He's got the safety on y'all. Jesus Christ. There's also right after this, we see him, he's got

the bullet set out and he's got his gun and I was like, oh see him, he's got the bullets set out and he's got his gun and I was like, oh my God, he's going to do a rush of relent. Except his gun is a bottom loading pistol, which is automatic. So so excited for him to just be like, all right. Bam, sorry. Oh, yeah. Spring landed. Shit.

It's where we see on the desk as well. He's got like a business card holder or something with the word, but like, shape in the shape of a police badge with the word police on it. So does this guy keep forgetting what his job is? Does he have to have the word police written on things? Does that have whether does Andrew have lots of things in his house that say liar on the difficulty case he gets? It's just the most shaped like briefcase Eli's house, filled with signs that just say, dick jokers everywhere, just in case he forgets what he does. Well, that's a bad example. That's who you actually have though.

So, and also we should point out that inside that card dispenser, he's got these little biblical motivational speaker cards, right? And he keeps pulling them out and they've got different little Bible quotes. And of course they're the fucking Bible so they're lame ass quotes. Like, I'm God, I Bible. So they're lame ass quotes like, I'm God. I exist.

You know, that's about as good as I can. And yeah, they were pan over all his bullets as if to say, look how many bullets I've got nearly half a dozen. Yeah. And then the music gets super intense. What all he's doing is microwaving pigs in a blanket. Yep. Drinking red wine and microwaving pigs in a blanket. Yep. Drinking red wine and microwaving pigs in a blanket truly, madly, deeply, the heathen,

right? So I saw that in your note, I saw this in your notes before I watched the film and I was confused because what he's cooking there is sausage rolls. And then I realized you call pigs and but you call sausage rolls pigs and blankets in America. We call them sausage rolls. The sausages rolled in pastry because we call pigs and blankets in America. We call them sausage rolls, the sausages rolled in pastry. Cause we call pigs and blankets something

that I assume you guys don't have, which is tiny little sausages that you have at Christmas that are wrapped in bacon and then rostered. Oh, fuck. You must have those, that it's surely, cause that the most American thing I can think of, but those are pigs and blankets.

I've never heard that before. I don't know how that sounds. I would love that. That sounds like the Heathen, right? It's totally right. They are the absolute best you have to have. I mean, not you Eli, obviously, but you have to have that. love that that sounds like the he then right story right they all the absolute best you have to have I'm not you Eli obviously, but you have to have but so wait so wait so those are pigs in Blankets made of pig though that's true

Pigs in blank pig blank. Yeah, pigs in pig blank. It's the emperor Well, here's what's so sad about that though, right? Because now we know that pigs in a blank, it's the American version must have been someone who went to England had pigs in blank. They were like, those are fucking great. Got back to America. We were like, we should make them here in America. And someone was like, what do you think we can afford bacon around our hot dogs? No, you're right. Let's go with something much more reasonable like pretzel toe. But okay. So, but eventually the music makes sense, right? Because someone's outside robbing his shed and he's got to go get the drop on him. Isn't this every red neck over armed red next dream?

Yeah. Is someone I knew if I stared at my window long enough and checks next door every 14 seconds, I'd eventually discover someone taking my big old pair of shears. Yeah, right. My post-hole digger. All right. And now we're going to get Eli's, well, we're going to get both Eli and Marcia's best worst, right?

In the form of this robber. Hmm. So I was worried initially because I thought this is good. I said, a right minute, is this going to be one of those stand your ground things? And then we see that the robber is black. And I was like, Oh, it's definitely going to be one of those stand your ground things. And then we've got to throw some asterisk around some of the words in that initial sentence. They're like, the robber is black. Yeah. Sort of. He they they went black face for the movie, guys. And poorly like they they not even classy blackface.

No, they have a guy and a black guy mask. Yes. And I would venture, I think it's one of his children. Oh, I was thinking it was his wife. I was thinking it was Ashley, but yeah, it's either Ashley or one of the kids. There's not a clear height comparison, but yeah, it's in a very poorly made rubber black guy mask. I assume purchased from the KKK's very own spirit Halloween. It is rough. It is, it is a rough depiction. It's not a depiction made with any kindness

to anybody at all. Yeah, it is not a good mask. No, and we're showing it from a distance as an end in the dark so that maybe you won't realize it's just a mask, but it's also like because it's either his wife or his daughters in the mask, they've got it someone else to do the voice, right afterwards. And it is not an African-American dude, so much as a white guy doing his African-American voice. Yeah. And also he doesn't seem to know the timing, right? Like he's just saying things that don't necessarily line up with what David Owen Wright is saying. No, like he's like he was pre-recorded and the kid was

still, whoever's in the, the mask is just mashing buttons on the, the playback at random. Forget you, forget you partner partner. Do a lot of black people call it to the partner when they're trying to like rob strangers. No idea. No, I guarantee you from the very bottom of my heart that was written in the script as the n-word and the white guy doing the black voice was like, all right, this is too far even for me. She was like, fine, if we're not going to get the gritty realism I wrote into my script,

you can call him partner, right? Or partner, I don't know, what do they say? Yeah, so they talk back and forth in the fucking vein of a guy who is on the phone, but you don't realize he's on the phone. And so you think he's talking to you for way too. They talk like that for a little while, but the conversation they're having is the guy's threatening to shoot him. And David Owen writes characters go in like, doesn't matter, man, I'm suicidal. Go ahead, shoot me,

shoot me. I bet you don't have the guts to shoot me. And then of course he grabs the gun and he wrestles it away. And now he's in control because again, this is the fantasy of every overarmed redneck, right? The only thing I can watch more than Christian movies is fat white men showing you how they would disarm someone with a gun and more and more. But you twist the gun around and then you're that you clasp it between your thighs and then you do a very simple back roll and then the gun I have the gun now. Honestly, if he had just gone and the gun had floated into his hand, I would have admired it. I would have admired the attempts.

And this, this whole bit is baffling to me because at this point, I'd read a brief synopsis, you know, the kind of the, the, the trailer synopsis of like, oh, it's a guy who, you know, has about to kill himself until a kid comes into his life. So I obviously thought this short person in a mask is very clearly a delinquent team. He's going to have to rescue and he's going to now he's wrestled the gun off them. He's going to take the mask off and then we're going to find out that it's a white kid. So I was still expecting that to be what happens here. And it very much doesn't the person just runs off and we never see them again. And that's when I realized there was the budget conversation, do we actually have to pay, like, going to the budget to pay for a black actor? No, no, it's fine. We'll just get my kid on my

wife in a hoodie, give them a two-pack mask and make sure we film them real fuzzy and we can cover this. It's fine. Yeah, oh, this was your first realization of just how bad it was going to be this. Yeah, I didn't think for a second it could be as racist as it actually is. I was given them the benefit of the jams. Yeah, the old Brexit error we call. Well, so but here's the thing is that having watched one of their movies before, my first note after this scene was I'm calling it now. I bet this scene never matters. Yeah, and it doesn't. It doesn't. We never hear from this guy again that he gets the David Owen right ends up with the robber's gun, but he already had a gun that we saw earlier.

So this second gun never matters. Nothing about this thing matters. This was just there because he's like, and then I'd probably beat up a black guy. But why would he beat up a rubber if he was literally about to kill himself? I just, he's like, well, I'm about to shoot myself, but hang on, what if somebody steals my golden she is? I'd like to take myself, but hang on, what if somebody steals my garden she is? Yeah, the only context that seemed doesn't make sense in is the only context this movie is

Right, so okay, so that's over he goes back inside we flash back to more wife memories. We watch her artfully sniff the flowers in their tiny little fright yard look i know that putting women in fridges is a movie trope but actually right rights these movies she directs these movies yes so i have yet to see a woman put herself into the fridge with whiteness ferocity. Right. And he does this like weird. I'm going to go in and say spoken word poem. Yes. For about her.

But again, she wrote, she wrote this poem for her husband to say. So she did not write this movie. I would never, I would normally just go along with you on the joke, but it's going to be very important later. I'm going to go would normally just go along with you on the joke, but it's going to be very important later. I'm going to go ahead and just put that out there right now. She contributed. She absolutely contributed to the writing of this movie. Yes, but she's part of the writing team.

I know what you're tinting at, but I would say, and I'll throw this out there, the inferior writer on that. Right, but he's, but he's going for poetic and by poetic, we mean like he literally says the word, but as a flower, my love has faded away. Right? Yeah, just like flowers do. Yeah, it's a fade away, but also he's talking about how it hasn't like the whole point of it is that his love hasn't faded away. He just, they don't know.

All right. Then we cut to pumpkins, but ominously. What a torn shift it is. Cause it's like he's like, yeah, my, my, my love is faded away. We see a pumpkin. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. And this scene was preempted by the conversation, hey, should we use masks that completely cover the kids' mouths and make all their dialogues sound like Tom Hardy's Bane whispering to a light variant? And of course, the response was, oh, for sure.

Yeah, no, that's exactly the way to go. So we watched two kids go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom go for fucking three minutes. Yeah, and then they go and find another kid who's not wearing a mask. So we get a one, one person conversation. Oh, and the thing is we just seen him like tackling an intruder who was very clearly in a mask. And then we cut to two kids wearing masks. And I immediately think, oh, okay. So it definitely was a kid in a mask because they wouldn't immediately show us two kids wearing masks. And I immediately think, oh, okay. So it definitely was a kid

in a mask because they wouldn't immediately show us two kids in mask if that wasn't what we'd just seen. But it's not, it's not, they've not fought of that. They've not put all two bits together. They just have access to masks, apparently. They've got mask money and they want to put it on camera. Yeah, I think a big part of why they made this movie is that they happened upon a hell of a score out behind a closed up Halloween adventures, right? Yeah. March, in order for you to really follow along with this movie and the way we need you to for this review, could you do just a little bit of heroin at the next.

You need to do a lot, but just enough so that you know, that you're, you're blinking out every two to three seconds. Is it really? Should I go back in the bathroom and hit in Hillmore of that bleaching? Yeah, exactly. I'm not gonna do that. That would be a little bit of going on, but I can top that up.

So yeah, so, but what we eventually discern from this inaudible dialogue is that these two kids are inviting a third young girl out to go trick or treating with them, but she can't. She has to make dinner for her granny and she doesn't have a costume. Yeah, they make this invitation by saying, we're gonna raid all the candy in the neighborhood,

but it very much because they say it a bunch of times through their mess. It very much sounds like they say we're gonna rape all the candy in the neighborhood. That's what I heard. And it freaked me the fuck out. All right, I'm gonna be honest with you. All I heard was, like fucking Charlie Brown's mom getting kidnapped or something. I had to go to you. You guys' notes to figure out what the fuck they were talking about. But okay. So meanwhile, suicidal cop is staring at

his gun some more. It's it's Halloween night. It's death night, right? Yeah. And he's what he's supposed to be doing here is figuring out how he's going to shoot himself, but again, this actor is, and like genuinely, one of the dumbest humans ever captured on film. So his two options he uses to show that are between the clefts of his beard and from far away, Allah, is selfie. Yes. And he is at this point, like, staring directly down the barren of the gun, but with a kind of confused expression, like he's trying to work out where the bullets went. Yeah.

I know he needs somewhere, but I can't see him. I don't understand. Yeah. So as he's doing this, though, there's a knock on the door. It's the girl who didn't have a costume out trick or treating. And this is where we've had like piano music in the background dramatic. And when we get the knock on the door and he decides not to kill himself, the piano music stops completely immediately and it's just silence.

Like the pianist is disappointed that he hasn't gone through this. Oh, man, you promised I would get to play piano to your husband killing himself. And please trick me again. So she knocks on the door to trick or treat. And he says, and I'm sure this is very important to both him and his intended viewers. He says, I'm sorry, I don't celebrate Halloween. And I'm like, I bet it's because demons. I bet that's why he says about who's normally got the lights off as well.

And I've got to say, I'm completely with him on a lights off Halloween policy. It's like, sorry, adorable child from next door, but I just find this whole transaction like impossibly awkward. And I want no part in it. So you skip over. Go to the next time. Don't come to me. My wife is furious that we're not going to be able

to give candy out because we're a Huey D. Yeah, that makes sense. We're flying back early so we can give out candy. So yeah, so he's like, sorry, little girl, you caught me right in the middle of my suit. I said, well, you know what, I maybe do have some candy bars because look at me, I'm the kind of guy who has spare candy bars. And he asked where her costume is. And she says, you know, I'm poor, so I, we couldn't afford a costume.

And look, I grew up poor. As a kid, you grew up poor, like, you're never more than a black bin liner away from a witch costume. That's the right. Right. Or a fucking sheet away from a ghost. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And he's like, when were your parents? And I wanted to say, you know, I poor, I couldn't afford parents either. Like the movie, the movie couldn't afford to pay actors to play my parents. That's why I'm an off. Yeah, because it's like, where's your costume? I couldn't afford one. I'm too poor. Well,

where's your candy bucket? Well, I couldn't afford one. I'm too poor. Well, where's your candy bucket? Well, I couldn't afford one. I was too poor. Too poor for a fucking pillowcase is what we used as a kid. And then he's like, well, where's your jacket? She's like, I couldn't afford one. It's too poor. And then he's like, where are your parents?

And so, yeah, that being the, come on. That's where, well, what do you expect it to be? The SAT answer is that she couldn't afford when it gives you steam. Also, I just want to say, there's answer is that she couldn't afford some gifts to boy. Also, I just want to say, there's no way that this family doesn't already own white sheets for a ghost costume.

With eye holes. Just saying, they might not have one that fits her yet, but I think they probably do. Yeah, so, but he's like, well, let me get you some candy. And I'll also get you a jacket. So he comes and he gives her a jacket. He's like, my wife has a jacket, an old jacket that would fit you. And it's like, it's a Michael Cole's designer jacket.

That's what that is. That's like a $400 jacket. Oh, really? It's Michael Cole's, yeah. Cause we see her walking in it and it's got calls written down the back. So that's like a designer jacket he's given it. Well, that's nice of him. I was too distracted by the fact that this little girl very obviously doesn't know how to put

on a jacket. Oh god Yes, he hands it to her and she hangs it off herself as though she were a coat rack. It was very upset Yeah, yeah, it takes her a long time to realize the arms go through the armholes Yeah, I guess he's too poor to have ever had a jacket But also so he's decided to give her some money too, which is Okay, this movie is never going to acknowledge just the fact that pedophilia exists, right? Because like, this whole thing is like, oh, a little girl has showed up on my step.

Let me give her, let me ply her with chocolate and money, you know. Yeah. Ply is definitely the word for the interaction between these two characters. And he just keeps going back in the house. He goes into the house to get a candy and comes back and then goes back in the house to get a jacket and comes back and then goes, how many more trips is he going to keep doing in? Like what else is he going to give up what he's got, which I assume is police merchandise

some bullets and some black, current wine. Like, sign up, girl, have you eaten? Would you like some pigs and blankets delivered one at a time? Would you like spaghetti one one at a time? I'll take the trip the entire way. Would you like spaghetti one noodle at a time here? Hold this bowl, I'll fill it with rice. We're gonna be here for a couple hours. And we also heat this, when he gives us the money as well,

this is another budget node, because like, sort, do we really have to get like, a decent amount of actual genuine cash on hand in order to give it to our on screen? No, no, that's fine. We'll just quickly move to ones near the camera in an extreme close-up. And the viewers will to our on screen. No, no, no, that's fine. Well, just quickly move to ones near the camera in an extreme close up. And the viewers will get the gist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I'm not paying the 99 cent McDonald's ATM fee

for your fill. So and like, yeah, this is how poorly written and executed this movie is instead of having him just come back to the door with a handful of stuff they have him go back in over and over and over again. And meanwhile, someone, so they're, what they're going for is that someone's watching the little girl from around the corner of the house, right? But they fuck it up because it's supposed to be like, we're looking through that person's eyes. So we look around the corner and then we duck back. But the little girl looks directly at the camera when it comes around, right?

So you're left going like, so she knows that person is there. She that she's in on something with that person. Yeah, because what we say is she makes direct eye contact with us. And as soon as she looks away, we the camera then hide. Yes. So it very much looks like they're colluding. Absolutely. Yeah.

So okay. So then he comes back, gives her the jacket that doesn't remotely fit her, gives her some money and all of that other stuff. I want him to come back with a costume and a big orange pumpkin bucket or something. But then he says, anytime you need anything little girl that I just met, come see me, a creepy middle aged man that lives nearby and lives alone. a creepy middle aged man that lives nearby and lives alone. Yes. And who's just about to kill himself. Yes. As far as when it has not changed his mind.

It's like, you know, if you need anything, like, you know, a front row seat to a suicide that'll traumatize in the sky, you for life. Right. Yes. Yeah, I wrote my notes. If you ever need anything, come by my house and find me dead. Right. You're actually going to be doing me a favor because if you come by pretty often, I probably

won't have started to stink yet. And you know, it's okay. So she leaves down this dark and spooky road. He goes to his bed and thanks God for sending him a little girl that kept him from committing suicide tonight. He even says that he's like, well, you got me for one more night. Like you just told the little girl to come back to us. And even his bedroom is all completely white, Deco. It's like they're trying to emphasize

the vanilla. You know, we don't need lights on. Just have some white bed spread and that will scatter all the light that God wants us to have during that's what that's all. Yeah, I don't I thought he was going to kill himself on this bed. I was like, Oh, man, on the sheets. So I feel like the tub, yeah, the garage with some trash bags later. Are you taking us to your Pinterest book? Okay. I can neither confirm or. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, in movies like this, you can just stick your act breaks wherever the fuck you want.

It's not like you're gonna fuck up the rhythm of this story. So we're gonna take one here, but we're back in a minute with even more of Halloween hero. You look like your beard is trying to escape. Okay, okay, your old Nintendo collection is stupid. All right, okay, interesting. Well, I could have told you that. Hey, fellas, what you working on there?

Oh, I'm just testing out my new Mino meter for our roasts for Volkerity for charity. That's right, we want to make sure our roasts are just the right amount of sassy. Wait, what's Volkerity for charity? Volkerity for charity is our annual charity drive, jointly produced by puzzling a thunderstorm and cognitive dissonance podcast, the collaborators on Citation Needed. It runs from November 1st to Thanksgiving and it benefits modest needs, a charity that gives emergency grants to folks who are at risk of slipping into poverty and for whom no other source of immediate help is available.

Oh, wow, and I bet a lot of people could use that kind of help right now. They sure could. Plus, modest needs negotiate directly with the folks who people owe money to and contributes from its own general fund. So it saves the people in need money and cuts out all the sketchiness that can happen with other fundraising platforms. All right, that sounds like a great charity and everything. But what's in it for me? I'm so glad you asked Heath because that's where we and our friends in the podcast

have come in. All you have to do is donate $50 or more and you can ask us to roast a person of your choice. It can be a politician, your racist uncle Steve or as has been the tradition for our fundraiser for three years running, you can have Heath roast your dog. Just send proof of your donation to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com. That's vulgarity for the word, not the number charity at gmail.com, along with who you want us to roast, and you could get the asshole of your choice, the roasting they deserve. Don't forget to include a picture if that person is in famous.

And let us know who you want to do the roast. We'll have special guests like Cara Santa Maria, Michael Marshall, and maybe even a surprise guest or two. Ooh, but is there any way you can guarantee that your roast makes it on the air? You sure can. We'll be choosing 100 random donors and our top 100 donors. So if you donate, you can either give us a bunch of money and guarantee it that way or donate as soon as possible when November 1st roast around.

That's right. Early donors have a much better chance of being randomly selected. Once again, that's 50 bucks to modest needs.org. Send the proof to Volgaerti for charity at gmail.com. Volgaerti for charity. Make Heath roast a bunch of dogs again. Absolutely not. No, no, no, no.

No. Sorry, Heath, mean to me, there's so's not still funny. Ha! Stupid mean to me, no, me, there. Pfft! Hi, I'm Phony D. If a Tony D's house is suicidal movie, guys, did your wife and or children die in a tragic, tragic,

in? We'll have no fear because I've got rock bottom prices on everything a suicidal protagonist needs to get their life back on track. We got guns with a single bullet, three quarters empty bottles of whiskey, and framed photographs of dead people in a variety of sizes and styles. Just listen to these satisfied customers. When my wife and son were eaten by Wolverines, and I gave up being a professional tennis player once and for all, I had no idea how to fill my days.

Now thanks to Tony D's house of suicidal movie guys, I can fill every waking moment until it down on the locked tennis team needs my help, pressing a gun barrel to my temple. Thanks Tony D. Tony D's house is suicidal movie guys. God damn it, you gave up that life for now. And we're back from where the ship when we last left off Rachel, that's the little girl's name was walking down a scary road late at night. And we're going to rejoin the action with her still doing that. We're going to rejoin the action with her still doing that. We're going to watch that for in this scene alone, 50 seconds, nothing happens. Right. Yeah. And she's trick-or-treating down what appears to be like an abandoned country lane.

Yes. She's not, she's not good at this. She's a novice at this. She's not thinking out the tactics of trick-or-treating just yet. But also she's being followed as best we can tell because we are the camera following her. We're looking from the creeper person's eyes, but it's just a very long, very straight road. So like if she turned around at any point, she'd just see some dude stood in the middle of the road. Right.

They would very clearly be a guy there. There's nothing to hide behind. You get lost in the crowd. Yeah, I wanted to turn around and then the camera just like leans very slowly towards the bushes and then back. Well, yeah, we've already established that we're invisible or something because you even look at right out of she can't see us. And then we cut to Michael drinking more alcohol. This time it is, we can actually see it, it's very clearly peach snops.

Yes. He's got De Kuipe peach snops and he's got a botanical grapefruit and rose vodka as well. And I thought, God, will his misery drinking just get more and more like niche and elaborate like in the couple of scene time? Is he going to be like sadly making himself like a white Russian and just gently weeping as he does barflair, you know, the he fan write story. Exactly.

Yeah. So, yeah, so we cut between him drinking and her walking, the music is pretty sure the walking is getting intense and then a creepy guy grabs her. Oh, also, sorry, right before she gets grabbed by the creepy guy, we watched this little girl in real time figure out how to put on a jacket. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's intense. It's like watching someone fight an octopus that they were in a relationship.

But Michael hears her scream and he goes run into helper and beat up another person in a mask. How did he hear her scream? She'd meant to have like walked certainly enough time away for him to go pour himself a drink, sit down and be drinking it. And we've seen her walking like a decent amount of distance. Has he got like magic hearing? We've watched a minute and a half of it. Yeah. Yeah. He's got magic hearing from the peach snubs. Why else would anyone drink a peach

snubs except for the superpowers it gives him? No, that's fair. So yeah, so he runs up. He saves the little girl. He punches the guy in the mask a number of times. Okay. This is great. So, Marsh, you weren't here for Bible and Bigfoot. Bible and Bigfoot, he was very clearly in the monkey costumes. So he had to punch himself this movie. They were like, all right. well, you know, there was podcasts. There's made fun of us. So actually, you're going to be in the bad guy costume because this is very clearly him punching his wife. Yes, it is. Yeah, 100%. She's got a different hoodie and a different wig. Also, and I know it's a small thing, but did you notice that the cropping on this fight scene just from the top, the black bar at the top of the screen, could midway down the screen several times, theoretically. Why?

What happened there? Yeah, it's not like they were shooting on old-timey film and slightly, ah, it got burned by the light of the projectors. Yeah. I thought, are they trying to crop out his wife's face? Yes. Like, he clearly, the way this fight is going, he's just like punching off camera rather than any sort of like choreographed scene.

Like this guy, his reluctance to hit what is clearly his wife is downright unbiblical by this bunch. A long way to avoid him having to hit his wife. Well, and then another staple of right family films is that very often when they can't afford the prop, they'll just give you the sound effect, right? So we hear him handcuff this guy. We hear him now, first of all, I'm not buying for a second, this couple doesn't own handcuffs, but also like, he heard a little girl screaming and then ran out of the house. So either he just stopped and picked up the handcuffs along the way stopped and picked up the handcuffs along the way. Or he just already had them on hand for his drunken suicide.

Anyway, but then he fires his gun, but only near the bad guy. He's good dude. He's not going to kill the guy. But it's so confusing because there's this very clear moment where he like, got, he finally gets the gun away from the bad guy. He points the gun at his head. We see the gun shot in the blackout and I was like, oh, a murder and he's like, okay, warning shot. Yes.

Yeah, then why blackout? Why do the blackouts in that way? Yeah. So now I will say though, they've upgraded from Bible to Badge and Bigfoot because they did find an armyby's that would let them take as many ketchup packets as they wanted. Yeah. Yeah, he's immediately home.

He's got to really clean some of that brownish goo off his hands. Well, Arby's sauce, I guess it was. They were out of ketchup, but. So yeah, so, but he washes, goes home and a wash the blood off of his hand. And by the way, this shot is very clearly just here. So we have no chance to see his guns, right? Yeah, sweet, sweet buys. And then so we head back with a little girl.

We go to her house where she's sitting with her grandma. Right, but the thing is if she lives with the grandma, won't we have to like dip in the budget and hire an old lady? No, no, no, it'll be fine. Wife hoodie glasses wig fuzzy, done, done, yep. And old lady mask. We don't really see the old lady mask until much later in the film, but this is a woman wear,

this is Ashley wearing an old lady mask. It's amazing. Yes, it is. Okay, but we have to talk about the worst part about this character. And I mean, genuinely the least pleasant Which is that Ashley decided that her old lady Voice was going to be speaking Like this for the rest of the movie for the remaining 30 minutes of this 51 minute film

Something like 18 minutes of it will be pauses between grandma's words. Right. I'm going to absolutely blow your minds here, but because when it gets to the credit, you know, throw on way further forward here, but in the credits, it says who plays the grandma, and it's not Ashley. It's a someone called Maggie Hayes, who's Ashley's mom, who is genuinely the little girl's grandma. She's girl's grandma.

She's genuinely a grandma. So why did they have to do all of this stuff to make her look like a grandma when she actually is a grandma? That is literally the kids grandma. Right. So first of all, I think I don't believe the credits, right? I think that their lives are in life. I think that's fair.

I think that Maggie Hayes did the voice, right? Just because they also, they also list somebody as having done the voice for the robber, for the guy in the black guy mask or whatever. But I still think that was actually in the mask and they're just crediting the person who did the voice. Oh, okay, that makes perfect sense. I take it back, your mind can remain unblown. No, I have the same thought for so long.

I'm like, but then she would just be the grandma. Why just a grandma? Yes. If she's even that little girl's grandma, it's perfect casting. Yeah. But yeah, no, grandma had bridge club. There's no way she could afford the day and a half. It would take to shoot this movie. She didn't have the time. Yeah. Yeah. So, but grandma is asking her how her trick or treating night went along the creepy country road. And I'm just go ahead and say it. Rachel buries the lead a bit here. She really does.

She does. She has just been freed from I assume child slavery and she's like, well, it had its ups and downs. I start with the positives. I like to do a little compliment sandwich. But I think we all had what she says. Like the verbatim was, I met a nice man and he gave me some candy and some money and a jacket. That was the good part. Yes. Now, first of all, that's about the hero of this film and not a child predator because that is how you describe a child predator.

Oh, without context, that is a terrifying set. At no point, like the kid ends with that was the good part. And at no point, it's a girl and they say, okay, what was the bad part? Because it sounds like that is fucking dangerous stuff. It just ignores it. Yeah. No, grandma's like nice. Yeah. Yeah. Three jackets. Good. Yeah. And she's like, but the bad news is some man tried to grab me, but then the nice man rescued me and I ran away, right? And then grandma's like, so what happened to the bad man? And the little girl has to go like, I just, I just fucking said I ran away. How the hell would I know?

Stupid. I ran away. What part of that do you not understand, grandma? And of course, grandma's reaction to this is two things simultaneously. One might say counteractively, oh, the world is so bad. Thank God for your bearing. God's God. Yes. She also says, I don't know if you guys caught this. She says, sometimes I wish your parents were still here. Yes. Sometimes. I wanted to list the time she doesn't. I wanted to come out with it. It'd be awesome if we found

out later that she killed the parents. Yeah. Sometimes I think maybe I did the wrong thing. Yeah. And also, by the way, so again, this, this voice is dubbed in after the fact. So like Rachel is answering our questions way before those pauses. Yes. So a question. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And the sound is totally fucked up in this whole scene.

Like the music is on so loud. And my theory is that the dialogue originally has just one of the parents of camera doing the grandma's lines so the kid can react to them. But then they realized that they were too stupid to do that so quietly it wasn't picked up by the mic. All we can do is crank the music right up the try and cover and hope that this kid is loud. I think you're right. Yeah. Cause whatever the kids talk and you can barely hear over the music, I think you're exactly right. We also, we see a cut of the granny as well. The, the, the closest we get to seeing the granny's face is the camera looked directly at the granny and

Her eyes are in perfect focus, but somehow Everything from the nose down is completely blurred. Yeah, so they've applied a blur filter But they've applied it just in a straight line a directly perfectly horizontal line across ear to ear across the nose and everything south of that is blurred. Oh, listeners, it is genuinely difficult to give you a clear idea of how poorly made these movies are. So, okay. So now we cut to Michael. He's in bed reading the Bible. He just can't get that 10-year-old girl out of his head. Yep. The protagonist. Oh, Jesus. But then he dreams of his wife memories, so we go back into a little flashback of the day she died. Yeah, and he's giving, she's getting ready. She's like, oh, I gotta go to a regular police car,

just like every other night and he's like, well, don't forget to wear your bulletproof vest. And she basically responds with, I mean, what's gonna happen? I'm gonna die tragically, Kodobi silly. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. Because like, first of all, I don't buy that what she's wearing is a genuine police

K9 unit t-shirt. It looks like fan merchandise. Yes. Are they bought from the gift shop or something? Yes. She's looking for her belt keepers. I've no idea what belt keepers are. But she says she, it's all right. I don't need to worry about a bullet proof vest. I'm only going out for a quick quote, canine sniff. I don't think that's a police job. And he says, well, you know, don't forget your magazines and your bullets. And she goes, Oh, okay. Like she's forgotten her pack lunch or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. So by the way, we should point out that he's wearing his eye stand for the flag shirt. To this. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Is outfitting provided by the commercials in between Alex Jones's mental breakdown.

Yeah. Right. Also, by the way, if I'm not mistaken, the image on that shirt is a flag and in the foreground is a person kneeling with a gun, right? It's like as if in prayer. Anyway, so yeah, but he makes sure that she takes her bulletproof vest. Yeah, because he says to it, you know, well, take the vest, at least throw it over the top if you need to, but as opposed to what, putting it underneath your clothing,

they go over the top. That's how they're designed. You don't see people put the vest on first and then dress over the top of that. But can I just say they absolutely should. Yeah, no, I would love to see a bunch of weird Michelin man looking cops and just hold suits walking around. Hello, citizen. But it said she does take the jacket, but she like just puts it over a shoulder, like a city trade of carrying his jacket in the 80s. Yes. Just of a one finger. I said she throws her bullet profess over her shoulder like a jaunty sad. Yeah, right, right. She's going to tie it around her waist or something. Yeah.

So then he goes in for a hug, right? But the way we're shooting this like from her perspective. So he goes in for a hug on the camera and they have to cut quick when as they realize that doesn't work in real time. So okay. So then we cut to like her out late that night with her gun drawn.

Now, I know you would have thought from the previous scene that we were doing this flashback in black and white. We're not anymore. I guess they'd realize that didn't work well with an unlit shot at night outdoors. So suddenly we're in full color again. Oh, and I love this. She's just stood completely out in the open with her gun. But don't worry, it's perfectly fine because she's got all 180 of the degrees covered, which is all the degrees. I'm pretty sure that's all the degrees you need to check. We watched this, what appears to be a sentient gun sneak up behind her, it's the silliest thing

you've ever seen. Right? You might as well have Google eyes for it. Yes. It's Elmo foot. She gets Elmo footed to death. She don't always does. Yes.

So it comes up behind her with a shotgun. Or I again, all we see is the silhouette of a shotgun. So yes, if it was just a shotgun that was mad at her, I guess that would also fit with what we see. And then she gets shot in the back. And then he wakes up, of course, with the sound of the gunshot still ringing in his ears. But which him is waking up? Because in my, when I first watched this, I thought, is this the him that just went to bed reading the Bible? Because if so, he's gone to sleep in bed and woken up on the couch. And that's when I realized it was the flashback him, but it wasn't shot in the same color as

the flashback him. So it was impossible to tell that it was the flashback him. Right. Right. So, okay, so flashbacks over. Now we cut to Rachel having lunch with Grandma, but they're so poor that all she has to eat is an apple. An apple and a dinner roll. Right. Yes. Not how being poor works, but okay. I love that through these people's eyes that you just have less of the same food.

Yes. Right. It's just like, well, you know how you get a two piece. Now, because your poor, you would just have the forks and the knives and the containers. And they don't understand helping poor work. They genuinely don't because like for one, they've got giving away designer jacket money knocking around. So like all granny does in every sentence is complained about money, which isn't really how poverty works.

So like, you don't spend every moment of your life complaining that you don't have money. Yeah, talking about your poverty. Yeah, exactly. And we do say a little bit of the grandma, and the grandma does look a lot like she's suffering from a catastrophic cosmetic surgery failure. Yeah. That's what I think is happening to her. So, okay, so, but grandma warns her, warns Rachel at this point, that they might just have to lose their house and move into a homeless shelter. Yeah.

Was that how being poor works? Yeah. She applied for Section 8 housing, but the list is so long I was like, Grandma's going to explain how the list is all filled up with robbers if you know what I'm saying. She's like, I'm trying my best. All we can do is pray. So, you know, not trying your best. Not trying at all. You know, my'm trying my best. All we can do is pray. So, you know, not trying your best. Not trying your best. Not trying it all.

You know, my definition, not trying. Yeah. And Rachel doesn't want to be homeless, darn it. But if she doesn't have, and this is so silly, they're like, you know, well, I have until Friday to pay the rent or we have to move to the homeless children. I'm like, okay, so that's the movie's taking clock. But no, they will not pay the rent. No, right?

No, they won't. And this, this scene has the will not pay the rent. No, right? No, they won't. And this, this scene has the best PS is Krima goes, but I'm dying anyway. So, you know, it's fine for me. You're, yeah, you're fucked. Let me tell you, because you're going to be around for a while. I'm going to be poor till like, I don't know, two weeks from now. He says at the end of the scene, just apropos of nothing. Also, I only have six to 12 months left to live. Yeah. And the kid is upset, which is like, okay, so that means this is the first time the kid has heard this. So grandma has chosen to share that information this way. Like, how

best to break it to her about it. Oh, I've got it. I've got it. Over a lovely dinner of Apple and Breadroll. Yes, just after burdening her with all of my crushing debt, that is a perfect time to introduce my mortality. So, okay, so we haven't really got a good look at David Owen Wright's sweet ass Jeep with the rough country sticker on the back of it. Fuck yeah, rough country. He doesn't know. No, does he?

He doesn't know that he has rough cunt written on the back of the car. That's probably the best part is that someone's like, you want me to write the words rough cunt and then two other letters on the back of your car and he was like, yep, because I'm so cool. I mean, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly why I suggested that. So, yeah, so we see him getting out of his rough country Jeep and racial comes to check on it, right? And he's like,

I see you got home safe. And she's like, yeah. And he goes, sorry about that. What are you sorry for? But yeah. And then we have to address the fact that he's not had sleeves at any point in the film. Yeah. He's like, is that Jackie keeping you warm? She's like, yeah. And he's like, I never get cold. I wear sleeveless t-shirts all year round. In fact, my wife cuts all the sleeves off my shirts for me. And I wrote my notes, I deeply spiritually believe this to be true about the actor as well as the character.

You can't make that up, that has to be real. Yeah, they could not make that up. Yeah, he explains like even in winter, she's in a full winter court, a full winter puffer jacket. Right. He says like, you know, even in winter, I don't get cold and he's having to talk loudly over all the birds that we hear chirping in the background because it's very clearly like spring or something.

Yeah, right. Exactly. In fact, he even says, you know, but you know, it's only the very beginning of falls is not the cold right now. So that's summer. That is the hottest, the very beginning of fall.

You're talking about the end of summer. Right. Yeah. The hottest of the seasons. So yeah, but then so the little girl tells him that her grandma is sick and the doctor says she's gonna die soon and Michael immediately comes back with, well, you know, sometimes God murders our loved ones, but what are you gonna do?

You're gonna have to still worship him and love him, huh? And she's like, yep, that's makes entirely internally logical sense. Absolutely. to still worship him and love him, huh? And she's like, yep, that's makes entirely, internally logical sense. Absolutely. And then he goes, okay, will I need to leave that? I got you to do. I can't see you standing here talking about your dying gram all fucking dirty thing. But it's also because they didn't know how to end this, like they didn't think they could just cut. So they were like, say goodbye to the movie. Yes.

Yes, it's the first time I've ever seen an actor well anyway is way out of a scene. I should be going, but it's not the last time we will see that he'll do this at least another time. Yeah, this actor very obviously insisted like he's saying the current date. He was like, like, if the lights go out, people will think maybe I disappeared forever. You know, you've got to tell him that I will be leaving that time and or place. So all right. So then we watch him drink more of the alcohol to the point where I thought

like, you know, I think the reason they made this movie might have been that he wanted an excuse to drink but he's super Christian and he's like, Oh, you know, I think the reason they made this movie might have been that he wanted an excuse to drink, but he's super Christian and he's like, Oh, you know, I could drink a lot method acting. And this is where he sadly takes like he's going to do some sad thinking. And so he sadly takes his bottle of peach to do the sad thinking. It's amazing. So that is not a sad thing. The sad, sad thinking drink may come up.

And also, by the way, and this is I would like to say this is a signature of the right family movies. We've only watched two of them, so I don't know. But the reader board is back. Yeah. Did you see this? Yeah, the menu special board. Yes, it's in the bag and it says Shabbat Shalom, welcome God this time.

Okay, this, okay. I have a very upsetting question. Uh-huh. Because this movie contains a jar of gifilta fish. I don't remember where, but it is in there. Managev it's wine and assign this as Shabbat Shalom. Is there any chance that there are these that their rights are Jewish based on their filmmaking skills alone. I'm gonna say no, Eli. Wait, there's no, maybe they were just in hopes that like it would help them control the media. They were like, not necessarily. They just work for Steven. He's a philoh hammer. Oh, Jesus Christ. So, okay.

So then we cut to Rachel that night, praying that God won't murder grandma for just a little bit longer. Oh, and they've really all the done how poor she is. Like all of her walls are like unpainted and she's got driftwood for a headboard. It's a good to have a headboard. And also the bed springs on her bed are so goddamn loud. Oh, yeah. So much so that I honestly, like I would be 0% surprised to learn that that's like a weird anti masturbation bed

that they bought their kids or something. Right? So okay, so then we cut to the next day. Rachel goes to see Michael again, I guess they're friends now, but she's gone to tell them that they're going to have to go stay in the homeless shelter. Right.

That they're on the way to the homeless shelter. Yeah. Uh-huh. And he says, and I quote, oh, you don't have to do that. I have a two bedroom guest house in the back. Why the fuck would you have that? Yeah. Yeah. It's due, it's two bedroom and it's got two floors as well

So it's like a two up two down the house like it's attached house in his backyard He didn't have that bigger backyard. We've seen him looking at his backyard when he was looking at the shed It's there's not I didn't think there's much space there Well probably because he had to put a whole two bedroom house Well, probably because he had to put a whole two-bedroom house. Yes. Amazon Prime Money's paying off. Yeah. She goes, I don't know what to say.

And then he pauses really fucking long because clearly he doesn't know what to say either, but just because he's a bad actor. And because his wife yelled at him for saying, I need to leave the scene now in the first six days. So yeah, he goes, she goes, I don't know what to say. He goes, meet either because I forgot my line. And then they hug for way too long. Way too long. Right now, like again, it's his daughter. So it's not too long. But like within the movie as the little girl I met the day before yesterday, it's way too long. Yeah. That's a long hug. That is a long. It doesn't, it doesn't help his reputation from the guy who was giving her money and candy and clothes and don't tell anyone.

Right. A bed of really low and living and living my back house. Yeah, exactly. And then she goes to leave and I guess like the movie realizes that at this point, at two thirds of the way through that they have not named either of their characters. Right. So she says, oh, by the way, I'm Rachel.

And he goes, wow, that was my wife's name as well. And we're like, wow, that's still weird and useless. And she's like, am I grandma's name's Alice? He's like, yeah, I don't, I don't have it. I don't know. I didn't ask you grandma's name, mother fucker. No, no, thank you. All right. Well, they finally remembered to give one of the movies characters a name. So I feel like we need to celebrate that with another break. Let me give

actor the hard sell though. Did this movie just establish a resolve? It's plot in the same sentence. Will any previous scene ever have a bearing on a later one? What do these people think movies are exactly? By now the answers to these questions and more when we return for the just over conclusion of Halloween hero I'm sorry. Do you work here? Yeah, how can I help? I'm making a movie and I need props for the robber Do you all have fake guns here? Oh, yeah, we sure do we sure do how's this one? Oh? I'm making a movie and I need props for the robber. Do you all have fake guns here?

Oh yeah, we sure do. We sure do. How's this one? Oh, that's perfect. Okay. And then I also need, what are they called? A robber mask. Oh, okay.

So do you mean like a ski mask or like an old tiny robber mask or like with the eye holes? No, no, neither of those. Oh, that one. that's the one. Okay, so this is a mask of former President Barack Obama. Oh, well, it's perfect, it's perfect. Okay, so by robber mask, you meant... I meant this one, yes, I meant this one.

I feel like I should call somebody but I don't know who. I get that a lot. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with a shot of leaves and a gutter for so fucking long that you started wondering if they were the plot of the movie. I really expected us to pan down and see grandma lying in the gutter having OD on H Yeah, but they were very proud of their leaves in the gutter scene and then we got to Michael Now the kid and grandma are about to move into his guesthouse

So we see him cleaning all the alcohol bottles up. You know turning his life around a bit Right, but and again, this is where there's a jar of gulf of fish. Yes, I have to look at what that was. It's like a fish paste thing. So much worse, it is ground up fish formed into a brick, a oval shape. Okay. The end of sent to us.

Wow, suspended in jelly. But he had that like amongst all of his booze and things. So I thought, is that, is he gonna use that in a cocktail? I am. I can only shoot. I can't imagine how that's gonna go. I'll tell you how gross gifilp the fish is. If we were to set up some kind of prank thing where we exposed no at a gross foods, I wouldn't

be able to use gifilp the fish because he would actually just promise. I could probably get him to Google image Gifilta fish safely. And that is the extent of the food based shenanigans Gifilta fish could be involved. And there's also this great moment where the auto focus just starts going nuts. And he's cleaning up these bottles. Moving them too close to the camera. Oh, it's great. All right.

And then because he's a responsible adult with a firearm, he says, you know what, with a kid living around here, I'm gonna need to store this gun somewhere safe. Like this kitchen drawer. Yeah, you know, that junk drawer we've all got, you put your gun next to your fucking measuring tape and your

screwdriver that you use for everything. Yeah, exactly. He just puts his, he's like, well, I don't want to have it sitting on the counter. No, you're going to put it where nobody's going to find it and shoot themselves with it in like a year's time or something. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You might as well attach it to the fridge with a magnet. But like a post in that saying don't so you know responsible. Right. Yeah. You're self with this. So yeah. So then he goes upstairs and he takes down his dead wife memory box, which every person with a tragic backstory has. But he is by the way, it has one of those fucking Facebook ad for a t-shirt with way too much writing on it, things, images on the front of it with a Bible. book. It's just the chinsiest, cheapest, shittiest thing. Yeah, it screams not quite the

quality we're looking for here at Pier One in post. So, okay. So then we cut over to Rachel Tellen, Graham, other good news. Graham is, I wrote my nose understandably skeptical. I'm gonna go ahead and say not skeptical enough though about the grown ass man who this girl met four days ago that wants them to move in now. Yeah, yeah. I think Grandma's not really worried about that, but that's mostly because she's too busy

moving like an animatronic marionette operated by a street performer right now. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, well, we don't know him, but I don't know who gives a fuck. He's the homeless shelter, right? So, you know, I guess what grandma's trying to say is if he molests, if he molests, she's the greatest.

So yeah. So she's like, all right, I'm going to go pack up all of our belongings real quick. And she's like, well, I don't only take about three minutes, that should be fine. And then so and then we get her like back in her bed praying again. She thanks God for for Michael taking a man and reminds him subtly that grandma's still eyeing day. If you're only what I. Right. And then we listen to her creaky bed for so. Fuck. Oh, she tries to get in there.

She's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kids sleeping on like a supermarket trolley. Is that what they say? She lifts up the mattress. There's a hell razor underneath it just being pressed down onto the spot. Oh, this is making a lot more sense. So, we cut over to Michael. He's also, now I thought he was breaking. He's talking to his dad wife here, right? It takes a while

for me to figure that out. Yeah, I thought he was going to turn over and have just fucked grandma. So, you know. We just said that I did promise never to sleep in this bed again. And we don't know, we didn't see him make that promise and we don't know which bed this is. So that could be entirely plausibly live. That could have been well. Oh yeah, though you're right. Thank you, Marsh. I'm like, well, do you have, because you know, you have a two bedroom out back.

Maybe you could use one of the bedrooms for the beds there. But yeah, and then he's talking to his wife and he's like, I met this little girl. I met another Rachel. I'm going to laugh way too creepy for it to be a 10 year old girl. Right. And I thought he was still talking to God at this point, but I met another Rachel and I'm going to be like, you know, don't kill this one. I'm just playing with it. You can kill it if you want. It's up to you. It's fine. You're good. You can do it. Right. Right. He goes, I'm reading your Bible to his wife. You know, I guess she was a big fan of the Bible. And he says, and I've decided not to kill myself. I'm going to live for the 10 year old girl I just met. Yeah. In fact, he says to his wife, quote, He says to his wife quote, I'm going to love this little girl like I tried to do for you.

Yes. How could they not hear the Lolita? You got to know guys. Yeah. I don't believe you don't know. Also, he says, I'm going to protect her like I did you. I wrote my notes. I mean, she got shot. Yeah, you've been a little bit higher.

Better. Maybe insist that this next one where so we're sure how to put it on. Because given what we've seen with her in jacket, she's not going to all right. So now we get mom and grandma showing up to move into their guest house. And I felt this is the only time in the movie that I actually felt sorry for David Owen right, because at this point, he has to explain why the drywalling isn't done. And by the way, I'm going to finish this drywall. I know actually, I mean, my wife keeps complaining about it. But yeah, like this, the room that they're studying is basically set up like a death trap for a child. There's like sharp objects everywhere. There's

nails. Why you ring? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's starting to explain and all the drywall. Then he turns to the grandma who's off screen at this way, right? We can see the little girl and we can see a box hovering that we're supposed to believe the grandma is holding. I just love that grandma's carrying her own box. Yeah. She's six months to live, but she was like, fuck it, I got this. And the grandma's just mumbling incoherently underneath most of the dialogue in this scene. It's just great.

Everyone just ignores her speaking. I left so hard about the fact that they just ignore her. She's like, oh, this is lovely. Anyways, like I was saying, you're gonna be on the second floor. So yeah, and a certain point he does acknowledge, he goes, how you doing, Grammy, you're an extant actor who isn't my wife and a push gun, aren't you? And he's like, come on upstairs. This is where we first realized that his spare house is too sore.

The ice. Oh, and he takes the little girl up to a room where he's got this great big Barbie dollhouse and a four-posture bed. Now he doesn't have a dead kid in this movie. No, no. So did he just have all of those toys was what I was thinking immediately. Is that what, did he just happen to have this set up for when he found a child he could have living there?

Like, he was just trying to lower them in, like some sort of fucking, witch in a hands-on and grattle novel. That or him and his wife were into some really upsetting role play. He's dressed. All right, now this room, this was a sinful room before, it's nice now.

And I just, I had a realization here where I realized that like, this must actually be their daughter's room. And I was real. Yeah. Look at a bombshell. Cause it, cause look, they don't have any art. They don't have any, they don't watch TV. I'm sure they don't do anything. So it's just this bare fucking room. Yeah. She can't have pictures of boys on the walls. That's right. So it's just like there is a dollhouse and a place for your consciousness to cease. And that is all. And then the kid like, like, calls to the dollhouse. And I thought this wasn't their dollhouse,

because she saw a wave to hand and very slightly touch the dollhouse, like she's displaying the star prize on a game show. Like, yes, look at what we could have won. For like a weirdly long time, like 60 seconds, we watch her like caress the aura of this top. Yeah. And I thought, okay, this is another budget. So we're gonna have to spend some of the budget on like a really fancy dollhouse. No, no, no, it's fine.

Like we'll just buy it and then set it up. And as long as no one ever actually touches it even once, we can just return it for a week. It's totally fine. Totally fine. Our daughter won't mind. She'll just gently caress around it. Well, here's the fucked up thing, right? Is that we're going to learn in the credits

that the daughter wrote this movie, right? Or co-wrote this movie, which means that at some point she wrote, and then y'all could buy me a real nice dollhouse. So I will rent one. We'll borrow one from her. We will go to a neighbor's attic where they keep their nice dollhouse. I will rent one. We'll borrow one from him. We will go to a neighbor's attic where they keep their haunted dollhouse and you can stand in the same room. Yeah, there you go. As long as you don't touch it. And in this evening, we get another shot

of grandma and it's like, how does she look even more like a papier mache puppet at this point, right? She looked exactly like the blind lady from that Lionel Richie video, tried to make Chevy Chase in community. I know that's a complicated set of references, but that's exactly what the old lady looks like in this. Yeah, no, it's good. It's good. Solid. So, okay, so then we cut to Michael and Rachel have a traditional American meal of Reese's chip so high on Twinkies. Almost American possible thing for them to be eating right there unless he had been eating his gun, you know, like a bacon wrapped gun, but they're and they're playing a game of life. What is with Christians and that boring ass board game? Yeah, well,

it's the only board game they can find that reinforces their worldview, right? You know, they can't think of have're going around waking daddy. Oh God, the fact that they're playing the game of life, I really hope there's like a card in the game where you wife gets killed while on patrol as a kid. I'm officer and then he's got to like really sadly take the little pink peg back out of his car. Jesus. Yeah. So and there's also this great moment where we see her like puzzling over her next move, which to be clear is to spin the wheel and then go that many. You can just life can play itself.

You don't have to participate. So and he goes, so how did your parents die? And she says, well, you know, it's a Christian movie. So obviously it was a car crash. I don't know why you had to ask, how did your wife die? It's like, oh, she was shot in the back by Elmer Flutts. I wish he goes, my wife was in an accident with the bullet. Not what an accident is, my wife died in an accident.

She accidentally forgot to check her six. That's what she was talking about. And the little girl's like, well, it is a right family movie. He's like, sure is. Yeah. And then they talked for a minute about how their loved ones are all in heaven now. He even says, I bet your parents and my wife are watching us from heaven right now. I'm like, imagine how boring heaven would have to be for you to be watching your loved ones play life. Yeah. I mean, and also you play the game of life. I mean, bit insensitive like not with the dead. Grandma, how's this feel, huh? To make

it all the way to the end of your life. And then again, because my I guarantee you because Michael insists on this. He's like, well, I have to go get my Jeep fix. Yeah, me. Damn, he's at anyway. Yeah, the fuck out of my house. Well, and that's the thing is that like they could have started this dialogue with her going, I won and they could be cleaning up the game as they have this conversation. But no, he says, well, I'm going to have to leave midway through this game now and go get my Jeep fixed. And he says to it, I'll meet up have to leave midway through this game now and go get my Jeep fixed.

And he says to it, I'll meet up with you later on, which is such a weird thing to say to a child that you're living with. You're living in your house. I'll see you around here. The kitchen most likely in the living room. Yeah. So yeah, he well anyway says that way out of yet another scene. And by the way, if you're thinking to yourself, oh, is the fact that his Jeep is broken,

gonna matter? No. No, Michael just had to leave the scene and didn't want us to think he had vanished from conscious. So okay. So then, and possibly the most somehow, the most useless scene in this movie, we get Rachel and grandma stopping by to ask Michael if he wants to go on an ice cream date with them. Because they've got ice cream money now, now that they live with him, they're like, oh yeah, no, it's fine, we've got ice cream money,

we'll go out and buy you ice creams and things. We were kind of less second to go, but now we're just buying ice creams. Well, no, we don't have to worry about that, fucking rent, yeah. So he's like, oh, you know, my jeeps in the shop, or I would give you a ride. And we were like, oh, well, obviously the fact that the Jeep is going to is broken down

matters now, but still no. Maybe his Jeep was actually broken. Maybe that is his Jeep. Maybe just was broken. He was in, he was in capable of keeping that from the camera. He was going on in his actual life. He just spurred out. He was so heartbroken about that that. He just spurred it out. He was so heartbroken

about that that it came up every other sentence anyway. And this wife was just like, you know what, use it for the movie, huh? Then we cut to him shaving his head shirtlessly. Now this scene exists only so that he can say, see, I'm not bald. I do this on purpose. I do this on purpose. 100%. Unlike certain podcasters. I know I don't know where they're at there. Some of us are shaping it off. So yeah, the movie now has three minutes to establish and resolve a plot. I'm starting to think I won't happen.

Then he goes to the cemetery to talk to his dead wife some more. He's going to adopt Rachel. You know that child that's lived with him for 10 minutes? Yes. He tells his wife's ghost that at this point in the movie, I now believe the kidnapper from earlier was just trying to save Rachel from this crazy. Oh, God, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, because he said, you know, it's time for me to move on to a different Rachel. Is that what he's insisting? Yes, implying. Yeah, but it's like he's breaking up with his dead wife's

ghost. Yeah, and I'm a father now. No, you're fucking not. You've got launches is what you've got. Yeah, right. You're a landlord now, but yeah, but he's decided to adopt Rachel. So then we see him like bowing down at his wife's grave. And now I'm sure you walk around a cemetery long enough. You'll probably find someone named

Rachel there, but you know, it would be quicker would just be a have him bowed down to the back of a grave. Yes. So that there's no name on it at all. Yeah. Well, there was a spacing issue at the graveyard. They gave us half of if they could bury your face down and backwards. Yeah.

And it's like, so for this gravestone, come on, we definitely blow some of the budget on the headstone and then down and back with it. And the thing, it's like, so for this graph scene, come up, we definitely have to blow some of the budget on a headstone and then put her name on it, surely. No, no, no, we'll just film behind the biggest nameless headstone at the entirety of the cemetery. It's fucking massive. Like, did we really think he's built a mausoleum to his dead wife in the middle of this cemetery? Right.

So, yeah, so, but then he ends the scene. We see him walking into church. So he's turned his life over to Christ more now. Honestly, I was just impressed that he didn't loudly announce to the grave. I'm walking into a church now. Well, anyway, yeah. I will continue to exist once the door is closed behind me.

And then we cut to one year later. And so little has happened in this movie that you almost have to say one year later than what? Exactly, then what? So yeah, and again, that means that the, do you want to go get ice cream with us? That scene existed for its own sake, right? The little girl, that poor little girl

wrote into the script and then you guys could take me for ice cream. And he's like, no, the jeeps broken. We will say we'll take you for ice cream. But so okay, so but now Rachel is narrating, right? She's telling us that grandma passed away, so God ignored those prayers. Yeah, yeah.

But you know, silver lining it made filming much, much simpler. Just really stream. She had this weird Mary and that thing going on by the end. Yeah. They have this insane moment. And again, it's just poor writing where she's like, grandma died and that was sad. But I now enjoy walking. Yeah. Right. She says, and I quote, life is better now. And I'm like, then when grandma was still alive. She's saying, yo, she's talking about how much God's done for her. And

it's like, yeah, after my parents both died in just a horrible, horrible accident. And you know, my grandma was impoverished and terminally ill and eventually died. But you know, God's done so much for me. She really has. Yes, he's nailing it now. Really pulled it off in the fourth quarter. I'll tell you in the fourth. Let me tell you. I mentioned I'm a jaguar. Yeah, and she goes, she ends this by going, nobody's like God. God's perfect. That's the wrap up on the, he killed my grandma my grandma speech and then we get what I have to assume is that like Ashley Hayes writes signature shot to close the movie of a leaf with a heart-shaped hole at in it pointing towards the sun.

Yeah, this is also how they ended the last mooney marsh just. Okay, this exact same shot. They should not Tarantino with feet got you exactly. Yeah, but but they also did it as in Congress Lee in this movie as they did it the last time right because the last time we saw that and then suddenly these big block letters that run in like fucking Robo cop shooting somebody or whatever. But in this movie, we see that shot. Everything is over and then out of the goddamn blue when you're expecting credits to start the little

girl, the credits are started. Yes, the credits are starting. Yes, the credits have already started. The little girl comes running screaming into the house and tells Michael that somebody just pulled up and tried to sell her drugs. Yeah, during the credits, like this is the thing, like we're not seeing. No, we're just here. Her, her, her, and the thing is I think this is where the right family are innovators. You know, because yeah, Marvel, you did the post credit action scene thing we haven't stuck around after the credits, but this is an entirely new idea of a mid credits literally while the credits are on screen just off the actions of screen during the credits action scene. This is, this is groundbreaking.

So yeah, so the movie heads, the credits are like, everything blacks out. We see him run outside to go deal with the struggling. Everything blacks out. And we hear like 45 seconds of his, him given his fucking, I don't know, his shower speech of what he'd ever do if somebody tried to sell his kids' shrugs. Where is there starting? He muttering threats for just quietly until the sound cuts out. Yes. He's so sure it's badass, but doesn't know that he loses track of the sentence. He's like, now Jesus forgave me. So I'm going to forgive you. But here's how I'm not like Jesus. I would kick your...

Okay, well, there are several ways I would win with you. I don't even have sandals. He had sleeves. I had... If you had drugs for me, okay, wait, no. There's, if you try to sell drugs to Jesus, then I'll forgive him. I wrote my notes, nothing is happening.

I still wonder what isn't happening. And then we get my best words. I wrote my notes, nothing is happening. I still wonder what isn't happening. So. And then we get my best words. We get the silent credit bullshit of 19 second long stills. And then the music butts in like it was sick away to, right? The music is just like, oh god, damn it. We got 25 seconds left. I'm playing.

And then we get honestly, I think maybe my favorite detail of the whole fucking movie, right? Because this is where it comes up and it says writer, cadence, right age 11, as if to say, see you fucking asshole podcasters by 11 year old girl wrote this, but then, yes, right after that, it says writer, David Owen, right, because he would be damned if he was going to give his 11 year old the ability to soak up all that screenplay glory. Now honey, daddy wrote that weird fucking convoluted sentence at the end that I threatened the drug dealer. Also, she wrote and then we go for ice cream and he wrote the, no we don't bit.

And that was his parents. But you know what actually happened? She wrote the little story, the cutesy little story of the little poor girl who found somebody who needed somebody to love her whenever and then he's like, all right, and I could kick a robbers ass here and a kidnapper's ass here and a drug dealers ass here done. We may have been sitting there in the writers room. Maybe I could read it by myself. I am an Amazon Prime YouTube listed filmmaker, right? Listen to daddy. Would you grant me the gun out of the kitchen? All right. So that's the end.

Then we get proper credits that scroll as well. In case those first credits didn't really do it for you. Same names, by the way, they're not more names in these ones. And that's what we find out that the wardrobe and equipment was by their 12 year old child as well. And I thought the wardrobe and equipment, that's just the masks, isn't it? That's the racist mask and the various of the masks. That's most of the equipment that we've seen here. Right. And the half drunk bottles. Yeah. Yeah. Like did the 12 year old choose all of the booze that he drinks? Because that suddenly makes sense as to why it's such a random

scapegoat. It's alcoholism. Yes. All right, so that's the end of the movie. What was the moral of this story? What did we learn here today? Don't encourage your children to do everything. And if 11-year-old knocks on the door, you get to keep her.

OK, yeah, that's a helpful message. All right, so I guess that's gonna do a far review of Halloween horror, but that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet, because we're not yet done going and fucking ourselves. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, we'll be watching the 1981 film, Years of the Beast.

So get ready for some short shorts again. Uh-huh. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 376 to a merciful clothes. Once again, huge thanks to Mars. Be sure to check the show. Does for links to all his other work. And perhaps even huge your thanks to the Patreon donors that helped make the show go.

If you'd like to get yourself among there, actually, you can make a per episode donation of patreon.com.sash.com. I'll put one there by your early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out a ton by the link of five star review by sharing the show and all your various most social media platforms. And if you join this show, of course, you can also help us by checking out our sibling shows, the scanning A, the citation data, D&D, and minus the Skype for Crack available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or stay to my suggestion,

ggmail.com, link to services for this podcast, provided by the law, if this is a P-endritory, and similar options to take care of our social media, our theme song was written in before by Riot Slot, and people would drop some hours. All the other music was written in before by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen, right, Neelye Buzz, the Amnolusions,, promised to work harder and another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

Michael's casual approach to gun safety and his evident propensity for sudden violence went on to be just super awesome trights in a farmer. That two-pock mask was later invoked as some of David Owen Wright's best friends in an argument. The rights have still made like five or six other movies, and I'm still going to watch every single day in one episode. Ashley Hayes Wright has 42 directing credits on IMDB all since 2019, including one listed as a TV series with one episode.

I know. I don't dare to hope. I don't dare to hope. Who's the great basilisk and it keeps his... Sorry. What dormant is what I was going? Really should do a spell check before I jump into this. Okay, here we go. You can't do a spell check before I jump into this. Okay, here we go. You can't do a spell check on this. It'll just break through the Apple.

No, that's the thing. Yeah, exactly. I would have to, that's, I would otherwise do a spell check every time. Okay. It's like, it's technically cruelty to an AI to an AI. Yeah. It's a spell check. This is how you get a Westworld uprising.

Right. Yes. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on the Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2022. All rights reserved. Right. Yes. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzzle Nathanaus Dorm LLC Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.