God Awful Movies - 38: GAM038 The Freedom of Silence

Episode Date: May 10, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces for an atheist review of The Freedom of Silence; a film that asks what happens when a computer expert and a Christianity expert team up to take down the evil, secular government through an act of terrorism. And they're the good guys. --- Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Right, even says you can't prove a negative and then you see the actor go wait, is that his line? I feel like I'm making more sense. Who's making a positive claim? This is going off the rails. Quick, pink another asshole on my face. Yeah, honestly, this entire movie should be called You Are. That should be the only reason. Right, right.

What about logic? You're a logic. Who are? Honestly, this entire movie should be called You Are. That should be the only thing. Right! Right! What about logic? You're a logic! Who are? You're the one who doesn't logic. You. The movie. God awful! Movie! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be my good friend Heath and right heath welcome back we are gonna describe the shit out of this move let's do it

and sitting I love the enthusiasm there love the enthusiasm it's sitting 989 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnichy How are you this fight afternoon sir? I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing pretty good ready to describe the shit into this movie There you go There you go We're gonna take it from both ends like like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs. So Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched a freedom of silence, which really felt like two separate movies woven together

because the one part was atheist on Christian, soft core gay, torture porn. So that was great. Love it. But there was also this whole plot which kind of ruined it. Yeah, it's about a computer expert and a Christian expert who used their skills to fight back against the Totalitarian atheist regime that took over the United States following the big atheist military coup of 2020

Four years from now That's the other thread. They'll never see it coming That's the case exactly boy Who thought we'd get so quickly from bathroom bills to an Atheist military And tell us Eli how bad was this movie well, you know, I got to tell you, because this week I had a little bit of a crisis because an insider from Christian movies, who shall remain nameless, reached out to us and said, you know, told us about the process and sort of showed us the inside world. And I was expecting everyone to be crazy, but he described how sweet they were and their

humanity. And I wondered in that moment whether or not You know, we made a mistake and whether or not we should be trying to reach across in these situations and Then I watched this fucking movie Completely obliterated anything I could ever think About that this is a first I still like the guy reached out to us. He's my third favorite human being on the planet. But that said this movie is the war and I will never stop hating everyone and you could tell me everyone who made this

movie when they were done they just went and they worked at doctors without borders and it would not balance out for me. It would not be. They could all have donated a kidney on set every morning. You know, cumulative just kidney fat. It wouldn't have balanced out. No, it would not have balanced out. I want my hour and a half back. Oh my God. This was okay. So this is my thought. The impetus for this movie, right? Here's how it all began. Yeah. Two Christian guys that have one light bulb and way too much cash. I they just got their asses kicked it on their 50th Facebook argument or a row or whatever. So the one guy turns to the other and he's like, you know what? If the world was exactly the opposite of how it is, then all

these awesome arguments that keep using against us would be our arguments. And then the one light bulb went off. And they lit the whole fucking movie with it from that point on. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, Oscar, Oscar on the way. So anything you guys want to nominate this movie for being the best at being the worst at? Ooh, can I say least attractive protagonist? I know I tend to make fun of the ladies in these movies, but we get closer to the clogged Zapfield pores of the magnetist of this movie than I've ever wanted to be. There are people who have fucked Steve Bouchemmy

who have seen less acne and just clotted closed suffocating skin than I saw just by watching this film. You had a complexion I would describe as gangrenous, yes, it was quite unpleasant. Heath any nominations? No, I do not. I nominate this for nothing. I had one, how about reading the ellipsis? There are so many times in this movie where one character must be interrupting one or

whatever, two people are supposed to have A conversation or whatever and there's these long dramatic awkward pauses between each of them My theory is that they were aiming for mystery science theater 3000 They were hoping for rift tracks. They were like guys leave lots of gaps so people can shout stuff Okay, we read the script and at this point we're going for cult classic. That is literally written on the scripts at this point. Alright, so one other question before we really dive into this thing. Did any of us ever figure out what the fuck the name was supposed to mean? What freedom of silence?

Oh, absolutely. See, the whole point of this movie is that the freedoms that people are trying to get against religion now now like not making your kids pray in school and not doing bathroom bills and not saying the bible is the national book or whatever the fuck crazy people want to do. Those freedoms are eventually going to lead to a silencing oppressive crazy atheist regime where all of our SWAT teams are now only dressed in black sweat pants and a black sweatshirt with a hat that's a SWAT on it. So what they're warning us is that that freedom is soon to be the freedom of silence. I think that's how we switch around the first amendment after 2020.

Oh, I see the right to yeah, I got you. It's like Miranda thing now. We need the atheist Scalia When you think about it speeches silence as well All right, well, I guess the longer we go without detail in the plot of this movie the more disappointed people are gonna Be when they eventually figure out that there is no plot to this movie So we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back we'll dive into all the repetitive b-roll that is the freedom of silence Oh, oh, hey, uh, what's up? Hey, man, you looking for some literature?

Hmm, uh, maybe, uh, what do you got? Depends, man, like, how do you want a party, you know? I don't know, man like, uh You got any Islam? Shhh, wow yeah man like five suras 20 bucks. 20 bucks? Yeah man, but I can get you 10 for 35. I don't know man, that's expensive. Look look look man. You want to learn about the myths of long dead violent religions or not?

I don't have time to waste. Oh okay cool, you got any of the hardcore stuff? I think that's what I'm really looking for You talking about what I think you're talking about. Yeah, man. I can handle it. Give it to me. I don't know man This is some pretty serious pretend dude dude. Whatever. I just read some Game of Thrones the other day Totally believe it was real. I'll be fine Okay Okay, here try this

Whoa, this is some strong bullshit. What is this? Pure uncut Book of Mormon, man. Alright, give me two chapters. Two chapters, alright. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to start off with an Atari level logo, then a Super Nintendo logo, and then it's straight to the Todd Stars Nightmare collage of secular humanist newscasters. Yeah.

And can we talk about the progression that they're going to inform us that the world is going to shit? But basically, they say, I'm a news person. Everyone has universal healthcare, and you know what, that's going to lead to cut away. I'm a newsman, Religions Illegal. Now, right. The first emotion we're supposed to have in this movie is oh damn it healthcare But yeah, this is how they set up the

Secular hellscape of future America in 2030 citizens will be forced to have free doctors if they want Also the religious tolerance act is what they're gonna call it that's gonna persecute Christians into Also, the Religious Tolerance Act is what they're gonna call it. That's gonna persecute Christians into tolerating other people. Right. And the Supreme Court is gonna rule that religious speech that calls for murdering people is not covered by the First Amendment. Much like all the other homicide-insighting stuff. Sounds awesome. I can't wait for 2030. I know you're excited. Yeah.

But how fucked up is the ideas of this movie that when they get to name the evil bill They don't call it the doom slayer bill or the the silence of the man bill They call it the tolerance bill because the enemy of these people in the real world and in their made up movie is Fucking tolerant right well that that's you know There's so many buzzwords in there that that that should be red flags okay like so if you just knew nothing about the world except for your political view and you woke up you watched this fucking movie and it occurred to you hey you know what the buzzwords that pissed me off

are universal health care religious tolerance politically correct those are the kind of thing that's exactly get me worked up I might be a bad guy perfect whole fucking movie you might be a bad guy if also by the way one of the fake news reporters name is Michael Douglas yeah I wrote that down they couldn't think of a better fake name than Michael Douglas they couldn't come up with a not like the first draft was Walter Cronkite and they're like I said that sounds

is that a guy Michael Bolton that Douglas perfect. Yeah right right. Well it made me rewind because I was afraid I was going to miss that it was also I'm Jennifer Aniston like they just couldn't come up with people names in the movie. Well I also love okay so and then these are apparently the logical steps we take is universal health care Religious tolerance and then we get a lawyer go and they won't even tell me where the children are That's the next step three Yeah, and he seems like mildly upset by these imprisoned children that he's representing like Yes, that's why you mentioned it during what seems to be the end of his local mattress commercial

He seems he seems mildly irritated just like well Fellas Like that he's like the good lawyer from making a murderer who's like there's a hole in the top of that fight fine You know what it's fine? That's your thing. He probably still did it. I'm on the top of the thing. Oh shit. And of course, the last newscaster we get is one informing us that the perpetrator of last night's terrorist incident was arrested this morning and then we cut straight to a

SWAT team raiding a home that looks just like yours, grandma. Yeah. Well, wait, I want to cover something because this is going to come up a lot. We watched the trailer for this movie. So we had an indication of what last night's quote unquote terror attack ones. And we know that it's spoiler alert, not violent. However, throughout this movie, we just watch two terrorists planning a terror attack and we're supposed to be rooting for them.

At no point do we get any notice that this isn't going to be a violent thing. We see them building what appears to be bombs and looking up technology. I kept waiting for them to be like, so is the siren gas on all this temples? We killed all the Jews. Good job, man. Let's go to church, house church. So throughout this movie, just remember whenever they're planning or setting something up, we as an audience do not know what they're planning for the end

We just know that it's a terrorist attack that made the new right Right and also my music note here is maybe her stop mom can teach her how to masturbate My music note here was blue man group is fun for the whole family I wrote Mario top Bowser blue man group is fun for the whole f rote mario top bowser that so and of course this is the music we're getting to the swat team that elia already alluded to that is a made one guy in a swat hat right

that but the way it's swat stands for special weapons and tactics right yeah uh... there's special weapon in this case is gun And their special tactic is flashlight So he's a pro Flash and gun And I was expecting more than anything for someone's mom to walk into the frame and be like Jeremy You said you weren't shooting at night

Me I thought it was the rapture. I got all that. That won't be the only person they scare by filming stuff. People weren't aware of it. They're trying to build all the suspense with this SWAT team coming in and swinging their gun in this way and that clear and whatever. And then they get to the room where the bad guy is that they're at that they're after they're just like Good down and he gets down and that's it and it's like all this suspense for just it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it go with it. Yeah. And then they walk him out of the house. And one of the guys is basically like, hey, boss, you want us to walk this guy past you for a menacing stare while he's in handcuffs?

Boss, what the fuck am I standing out here for? Yes. Poor ass. Poor ass. How many times did they have to do it where they messed it up? Send him back inside. I was sneezing.

I was sneezing. I wanted to be like, I wanted to be like, boom, boom. Yeah, look at that. Look at that. You're gonna look like an idiot. Yeah, do it again. Go to your. So then we cut to Mr. Thompson, the guy they just arrested, getting interrogated at the RTRU detention facility. And in case anyone's wondering, Mr. Thompson, who is the protagonist of this movie, looks like John Baramman, the guy who plays Captain Jack Hartness from Doctor Who, someone dipped him in a deep fat fryer for just a second. Just that they just took that handsome actor and they were like, cast you in boils! Remember when Moses did that trick where he put his hand inside his pocket, came out and

his hand was covered in plague? That's what this guy did with his face, but the wizards weren't impressed so he just left it that way. I actually have him as Jason Bateman with a herpes outbreak. I see. And it's just the rest of the movie. I can't see anything but Michael Bluth. It's a possible. Oh shit. And of course, this is also where we get the our first hint at just how awesome the makeup is going to be in this fucking movie. You're gonna do a more convincing scar in his face with a red sharpie. Yeah I wrote my notes. It appears we smudged your cheek. Did you resist a rest? Also the sound at this point in the movie completely drops out. So I wrote my notes. Oh cool! We could just use the microphone on the camera. We don't need one of those ones that hangs over the top,

right? Keeps getting the shot. It was making it way harder. So the interrogator, and I don't think this guy's ever going to get a name. I have him as Agent Evil or Agent Angry. So they're talking about his terrorist scheme and the guy's like, must have taken you 10 years to plan it and he's like, three bitch and was part time at that. So also by the way, amazing. Okay, so during the interrogation, the guy starts singing and I'm like, oh please tell me, he sings about it.

Please tell me this is about to turn into a dance number. Please tell me there's gonna be a bunch of other prisoners in the back and a fucking chorus line. Oh no. I wanted the cop to join in like it was a hip-notic channel he was like don't do this to me man not you let me just start fucking for 90 minutes 90 minutes just bear back shit comes out blood goes in No rules, but that it stops when everybody can't go anymore You know what I'm talking? Friday night at the eagle who cares what handkerchief you have in your back pocket this movie is on

But it's it's actually much less pleasant. No, yes much much by orders of magnitude So yeah, so instead of singing along to guy yells What's that is that one of your fairy tale songs and he's like yeah, yeah Yes, did it not sound fairy tale And then we get the first of what are going to be a series of ridiculous efforts of abusing this character Where he goes for the slap. It's so slow motion and the noise is like, what cock a pow!

Just a guy saying that, yeah. The revelation wrote. Also, this cop is clearly right-handed. We watch him be right-handed, the whole movie, but they made him do a lefty backhand slap here So it's just like a paulsy slap that misses by about eight feet It looks like a baby calf learning to throw a baseball He looks like a reporter that Trump made fun of getting his vengeance. Yeah

Wow, he's getting his vengeance don't don't tweet at me. He's getting his It's got a happy ending so and then all right So then we cut from the slap to who the fuck knows where with who the fuck knows who there's a family and they're walking down the street And all I'm thinking is hey, they're outside at least the movies lit now so this I think is supposed to be Mr. Thompson's backstory. Yes, yeah, exactly. This is him as a kid. His dad is somehow fatter Andy Richter. And they come upon John Ritter with a ponytail that I'm talking about Jesus.

You're talking about throw mama from the train? Yeah, I got us standing on a stoop, sharing absolute truth. Yeah. Oh God. This scene was so good. So yeah, this is where he was first introduced to Christianity as a kid wandering down the street. And there was a street preacher with a Bible. And this, I mean, this street preacher is the most hilarious bullshit you can imagine. This is, you would think this is the kind of shit that Christians are embarrassed by and they're like no don't look at that guy but no they're proud of it put it right up front in their movie basically he's yelling they's like this is definitely the truth you don't have to take my word for it says right here in this year Spider-Man comic he literally there's a

moment where she goes so the black lady steps forward and in the craziest straw man I think in any of them Christian movies we've ever seen is like why you trying to push your morality on me I'm not a hard determinist Here read this Nietzsche that I always carry with me and his answer is I'm not I'm just trying to tell you the absolute truth Which is the just the tip of I'm trying to convert you and give you absolute monarchy. Well, and also I love that there the straw man audience reaction to that is there is that she says there is no absolute truth. You definitely can't make definitive statements. And he actually says that. Yeah, he says is that absolutely true?

So he's a nihilist Christian. I'm talking about. Well, also, can we discuss the fact that this is the ugliest group of human beings that have ever been assembled outside of a clones that didn't make it sequence? I mean, if you've got a line behind these people at Walmart, you'd be like, Oh my God, you guys did not really dress up for the Walmart trip. Who did they, how much did they give, Joss, Sweden at the end of alien resurrection, to just be like, well, you guys didn't even shoot those ones. We got them. There you go.

Put them in the truck. Sorry, I fucked up the last season of bucking. Hope this makes up for it. And also, we should probably reflect on the fact that he's standing here on an empty street, street peering. There is no one walking by for miles in any direction. And there's 90 people gathered. So we should probably reflect on the fact that he's standing here on an empty street street peering. There is no one walking by for miles in any direction and there's 90 people gathered. Where the fuck did these people come from?

Well, they gathered around just to yell at a street preacher. I guess they were like, who can we disagree with, y'all? But I want to talk about this ice cream argument that he has with his shit, because it's fucking amazing. He goes, they're taught in school that there's no such thing is right and wrong And by what I somebody to face rape him as soon as you said that that's right no right and wrong Sorry, uh, is and then he he as his example he goes is my choice of ice cream wrong you like vanilla I like buttercream and the kid and the kid who's gonna be mr. Thompson's like yeah, it seems fine to me

He's like wrong. You're supposed to kill me for liking vanilla You see you get it and he also he also right after that Adds something about beating your wife. It's like I like vanilla some people like chocolate some prefer Beat your wife with sprinkles And the people are like yeah beat your wife with sprinkles. Everyone do. And the people are like, yeah, beat your wife with sprinkles. That was so bizarre. Like, yeah, it came out of nowhere and everybody's like, yeah, well, sometimes some people like to beat your wife

if they sincerely believe that that's what they should do. And he's like, but you don't need to take my word for it. You can read it right here in this year's Bible. So he goes to open his Bible. And as soon as he does a cheap grand Cherokee ball stop. Oh, this is a, okay. Let's one second, because this is amazing. The cops come in and their direction must have been,

hey, just jog like a little, because they want two of the fattest humans. They're just like, you know what, the sound is so bad because they had to get room tone against these guys being like, oh god, runners workout, runners workout. You jog three feet from the car, yeah, runners workout.

Whoa. Snake break, snake break. If one of them had pulled out a cliff far during this 30 second arrest, I would be 0% surprised. By the way, the agent who grabs the preacher guy is clearly beaming. He's smiling like you just got a lollipop after a shot at the administration. It's ridiculous.

So yeah, so they arrest Fat John Ritter with the ponytail for opening his Bible in public and rush him off. and this I like okay So the kid is kind of wandered away from his parents to see all of this and this is when the parents catch up And they're just furious that he heard about Jesus from this guy Yeah, and that's matter fact. Oh actually he ends up with the guy's Bible So the cops that are so pissed at him for reading the Bible just leave the Bible sitting there The kid picks it up and walks off with it But dad doesn't want that shit around so he throws it in the street and

drags his kid away and asked him to forget all about all this jesus crap and the uh... the little argument between the two of them is amazing both the dead air between lines is a fan fucking task the kids says he's like but dad uh... the guy was talking about the truth. Interrupting nevermind. That's not possible. That's not possible. That's not possible.

Still positive. But dad. And one, two, three, four. Interrupting, I said nevermind. So then, oh, but of course, the kids just can't shake the truth of Jesus. He was convinced by the ice cream wife beating Equification, I guess and so we cut to the next scene where he's like wrestling with the Jesus shit in the middle of the night

Of course we can barely tell that because this they actually just shot in the dark. Yeah, I wrote here music note next week on cereal So he goes out biking in the pre-dawn hours and apparently he's going to find that Bible that Dad threw away the other day. We even get him like reading the Bible out loud to himself by flashlight. Yeah. And again, I know we talk about this a lot, but we have that I'm going to read as many sentences as one can read out loud in this movie before this book It's fucking boring. So he's like in the beginning God create because we don't see a flash cut to him being like and

Happy is he that smashes their heads upon the rocks. Wow as an atheist child who hasn't had this explained to me This is still making sense. Well that was one of the stupidest things about this whole movie. We're supposed to believe that some kid found a Bible, read the Bible, covered a cover, and figured out Christianity from that. I mean like say, oh no, I learned to play violin from guitar hero. There's no fucking way one could logically conclude the Christian religion based on the Bible. That's like learning to play the violin from watching a violin is get beat to death

with a bag of soap. That's where it's like, oh yeah. I noticed that guy died. His hands were like, and so I think the baldie. Shit. So now we've got back to the interrogation. So apparently that's all we get

from that fucking stupid ass scene. Also, by the way, this interrogation so apparently that's all we get from that fucking stupid as seen also by the way this interrogation room is lit by one flashlight and a menorah but there are no candles so one flashlight so just a flashlight exactly so yeah and so this is also where they have their argument about the constitution again bazaar a world you know it's it's it's in if the world was exactly opposite that all the stuff we say about the constitution they could say about the constitution and they'd be the ones that were right yeah yeah he actually says have you ever read the constitution the real one because i have yeah what oh the real one

yeah yeah that was Moses and like six other yes well by the time this movie comes around right it's twenty thirty or whatever it is, you know, the Constitution will have been replaced by Anita Sarkeesian's Tumblr. So I can't explain this. Yes. He's trying to clarify. I love to that it's 2030. Yes, like, no, yeah, I will, I will forget about what the Constitution used to say.

Also, okay, so if this is also when they throw out the, you know, the constitution gives us the freedom to say what's true, not what's politically correct, you know, the Donald Trump fans are supposed to stand up and scream at that point. And then of course this pisses off the cop so much that he gives him one of those cutless blood punches where you punch somebody and then they have blood on their face, but no cut. Yeah, it was the blood game. Punch a rivulet into their face. Right, that's it. I assume he dunked his hand in blood before the punch. Oh, it would make perfect sense.

And then we go back to his backstory where we get the opening for the Van down by a river's skin after a mom found a bible in his room. It's literally moment for moment, your mother found this in your room while you were cleaning that made up most of my teenage years until my parents decided to give up and just let me smoke pot. This is basically the eighth time my parents were like,

you just hide it. We don't even just do some kind of hiding of it except it's the Bible so it's hilarious. Right, yeah, the maid found this bag of Bible heroin. You're a mess to start a scene, that's the conflict. And then we definitely, yeah, we totally get the mat fully seen. It's great. Holy fucking shit.

And she's like, you know, the mom's like, this book is full of superstition, ignorance, and lies. And I wanted the kid to be like, you didn't even mention the rape and infanticide. It seems odd that you would overlook that It is not mom bats are birds. Yeah, oh you want to be a pastor? Well, I'll be freaking He does that St. Paul over there. I can't see real good At which point the parents asked him to choose the Bible or them. Yeah, uh-huh. To which his respond is mom two three If you don't listen

two three four if you told me that this was a charity attempt to give people with epilepsy a role in movies I would get this room like if I if we saw the cuts that got taken out where someone fell asleep after their lines. And be like, oh, good for them. Yeah, right. Right. It was, that was, that's, if I had to describe the acting in one word, apoleptic. That would pretty much do it.

Yeah. So now we cut back to the interrogation thing where he's being dragged into a jail, a cell by a, by a gilth nurse that can now wipe the catch-up off his head, I guess. Yes, and we can tell he's really been given a beating because the two smudges on his cheeks are much darker now. It looks more and more like he's from the island of lost toys every time I get him. I expected him to put a soldier's cap on him and like a nutcracker thing on his back. Oh, they basically do it at one point.

So, yeah, so this nurse, we have to establish that she's like a sympathetic character. We're gonna do that in a pretty heavy hand in manner. So she's like, oh, well, you know, if you just shut up, they'll leave you alone and he's like, no, they'll never leave us alone because they're scared of the God they don't believe in. And that's why they really think we should be tolerant.

Also, real quick, this is a little thing. He has a bottle of water. Thank you. What's saying, thank you. What, thank you. I want to see that water bottle happen like, all right, welcome to atheist Gitmo. Hope you like Poland Springs, because you're not

going to be seeing any Voss for a long fucking night. Fucking terrorist. You guys have any San Policino silence. And yes, come on guys, this is bottled in New Jersey. You can water and pour in me if you want to but i have some you know that i'm right that so and then of course we get the problem of evil

and these assholes don't even have the decency to jingle any keys or anything no nurses like if there was a god why would he do this net scene you will a blackout that lasts 70 seconds. Right. 70 second blackout I assume was the director yelling at the writer, the fuck am I supposed to do with that Brian? The fuck man.

Well no, now it's just dark. Yes, 70 seconds of dark. Well because you didn't write a good answer. No, your evil is not a good answer. I know you are, but what am I? We can't have the protagonist say that. There was a lot of that to a lot of those like eight second black outs between scenes. So this was spectacularly.

That's right. And this comes up in just about every movie we've ever done. What do Christians think the problem of evil means? I don't understand why they keep writing it into their movies. think the problem of evil means. I don't understand why they keep writing it into their movies. Right, right. No, it's it would be like Mitchell clicks signing every fucking thing. Hey, if you make me say my name backwards. I'm so yeah, right. So we cut from that to apparently we have to establish that he was once a person before this. So we get this montage of lifey scenes like a wedding and shopping at Walmart

and having a baby. The beardy guy who's going to come back later is a soldier at a campfire. I assume he was in battle of Crystal Lake because all we see of his war experiences is him just sitting by a campfire well and wearing these in camouflage baseball cap branch of the army apparently he's a camouflage beret uh... and and he's fighting against the legion of roman candles lot of last sparklers going around i wrote my notes oh my god the fireflies are

attacking them and the fireflies are attacking we also get a shot of him diving towards an explosion. It's fantastic. How do you get that wrong? They added the explosion later. It didn't matter which way he don't. They could have got it right. Also, this is where Anna tapped out of this movie. We were watching it together and she goes Did they just distract from the problem of evil with a mother fucking music video? And I was like, yeah, it's you up in the other room.

That's what they did. It's her limit. And throughout this scene, by the way, so up till now, mostly when we're seeing this character, he's got like scars and shit and like, well, he's got catch-up on his face and stuff. So I think it's through these scenes that we really first start to see just how bad his acne is We get so uncomfortably close to his lunar facial service. I mean look at me wrong I'm happy that he's not self-conscious about it. That's good for him and everything but it's quite disturbing Yeah, they show him with like open lesions in a maternity ward

Everyone in the scene is ridiculous. He looks like God was like I want to make Nathan Philly and again but I want him polka dot. Dude you gotta stop making me. I want polka dot Nathan Philly and not doing Christmas. So yeah so we go to this life montage which is apparently just supposed to be there because we're doing interrogation scene, backstory, scene backstory they didn't have anything for back story there. So that we're back to the interrogation and the cop is saying you know I looked at your academic records you're quite intelligent. You didn't have to be a stupid Christian I guess. I remember. It's irrational not to believe the history, the truth, the eyewitness testimonies.

Well, right, okay, so yeah, so he's arguing to the cop that well, of course, I'm intelligent because I'm a Christian, and if you were intelligent and looked at the evidence, you'd be a Christian. And the evidence that he offers, the proof, conclusive proof that he offers is the order of the universe, the complexity of life, the eyewitness testimonies. I wanted him to pull, reach into his shirt and be like, here, this is cold case Christianity.

I don't know if you know that he was an atheist when he began his investigation. An ardent one, a devout atheist went to atheism every day. And again, so like any says to the cap at one point, he's like, you know, if you make up your mind before you begin, you can make up evidence for any conclusion. And I'm like, you know, at least it's starting to sink in. At least they're hearing it often enough now that they're able to parod it. Also, by the way, Jason Bateman's got a severe burn mark on his face from getting punched during last session. What was that even supposed to look like seal now? It's ridiculous. So many of my notes in this these interrogation scenes are like, what is that thing by his eye even supposed to look like? What is it supposed to be supposed to think happened to this guy since last we've seen him?

It looks like someone painted an asshole on his face. Oh, I was thinking, like maybe if you glued some ground beef to his head, you could make that happen. Like a mushroom was growing out of his face maybe something. Well, yeah, mushroom's growing out of his face and pretty much every scene. But yeah, this was a, it was a rather large one. Um, also, okay, so at, at, at the end of this scene, this guy basically just reads the transcript of the first big Josh Fearstein video. Yep.

Where he talks about how, like, you'd have to be God to prove there's no God. Right. He even says you can't prove a negative. And then you see the actor go, wait, is that his line? I really like that. I think he was making a sense. Who's making a positive claim? this is going off the rails quick paint another asshole on my face yeah honestly this entire movie should be called

you are what about logic you're logic you're the one who doesn't you the movie so now we now we cut back to the back story here where Zach is catching up with Aaron, who was too busy to go to the funeral and his wedding and his very sorry about that. He's also wearing a pop-eye uniform. Yeah. I thought he was supposed to be in the army. What did we see him in the army earlier? And I don't know if this is the first scene where all of the lines are ADR'd

But I would pay a crazy billionaire money to find whatever the audio was right they replaced with this Did everyone in the original script of this movie be like? Yeah, just say all their lines sarcastically. That's why they tricked actors into doing this movie. Oh, I'm Cyber Intel movie. Oh, I'm in cyber intel. Also phenomenal moment in this movie. He, they're trying to do the I could tell you, but it have to kill you joke. But because everyone is a robot made out of fuck meat, they just go, I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. And then there's just a pause while both actors remember how to breathe through their noses and he goes oh You're joking and he goes yes the laughter again. We're humans not reptiles and suits Just to be super clear. That's what the 80 art over everyone kept slipping into like definitely human

Oh, man. I love blinking every three to five seconds three three to five seconds. Well, and okay, so again, in another one of those aren't you, the movie didn't you have autonomy over the script moments, the Aaron, this character is supposed to be Zach's buddy or whatever is cohort. He says, Hey, when I got blown up in the army, it was so nice to know you are praying for me and keeping me safe. Like, why would you put all those words together? You don't have, you know, when he says, hey, when all those atheists blew up and I was

right there and I was miraculously okay, I felt like maybe that was because you guys prayed for me. You don't have to be like, you know, I got blown up while you were praying for me, it was awesome. Right. But that's what they went with. You guys wrote this, right? You can just do whatever you want.

I did. Every new one. I don I think they knew that. So now we cut back to the jail cell where we learned that the cops have found his wife and daughters. Tantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantant I decided to be extra evil in your case. Yeah, your kids will be placed in a foster home that will make them forget your religion, and I wrote in my notes, I'm in, I'm okay with it. Well again, and again, you're the fucking movie. I mean, you didn't have to be like, we're gonna treat your children really well. Actually, we're gonna put them with a family

that's gonna, you know, they won't be religious anymore, but I guess that's enough. For the audience of this movie, the fact that they won't be Christian enough, or anymore is plenty enough for you to just go, oooh. Well, yeah, no, in 2030, all the audience of this movie the fact that they won't be Christian enough or anymore is is plenty enough for you Just to just go well. Yeah, no in 2030 all the foster parents are gay. It's only Oh, I see it's only your only allowed to be gay and atheist. Yeah, I see Also, there's a fantastic moment where he goes

This is real and then it immediately pans over to the least realistic shot in the movie so far Where you can like see it's supposed to be least realistic shot in the movie so far where you can like see It's supposed to be through the bars of the cell But you can see the edges you can see a guy at the craft services table still on camera Like eating a muffin being like this a movie. There's a movie. Why are you saying this is a movie? Oh, I think I'm on camera Movie is it not? So yeah, but but we learned that actually the cops didn't find his wife and kids because of stuff or something. So it turns out he's out smarter than them. They just weren't

smart enough to outsmart themselves with the script and explain how. So we just know they went to China. That's where they send the Christians now, I guess, is to Christ friendly Did you know that China is the largest producer of Bibles in the world and it's so unrelated that even the other character in the scenes just like Why did you say I wrote my nose? I'm like there also the world's leading producer of jumbo gummy dicks This is why we did your point. This is why we need the TPP. It's important You're getting killed on Bibles. We're getting killed on trade. Gonna make America great again for Bible producing. Yeah, there you go. So now we got to cut to Aaron and Zach building their

evil genius bomb thing or whatever. So in order to topple the atheist government, they appear to be hand-building an apple to C in their app. I don't know what you would do with that in 2030 to topple an atheist government, but that's what they're doing. Well, find out. Pressing two like motherboards together, like the fucking Legos, and he's like, no, man, you got it. You got it. I want to just be like, try blowing on it. Like blowing the cartridge. Like, he's just squeezing to slightly computer looking things.

Honestly, this is like if someone had been like, Eli, they're building a computer. What's that look like? This is what I would do. I'd be like, those green things in the center that I keep jerking off onto and then they said, I need to buy a new one at the Apple store. What if he's trying to mash those two together? Like a fucking fusion attack from Dragon Ball the ultimate And again, that's a whole scene again if they're not making bombs

They're being really coy about it in this movie because it really looks like they're fucking making bombs Yeah, so yeah, but that's but but again, because we needed something to put between two interrogation scenes, we just get that little montage and now more prison. Give it to him now. The Eli Bosnich story. Yeah, was the opening line of the scene and then right after he says that the hesitant nurse that's not so into torturing him, stabs him with a needleless syringe. In the same manner as John Travolta in the fucking So she stabs him with her needle it needleless syringe and then we cut to the cop going They say it feels like your brains on fire is that true and I'm such a dork

I'm right and your brain doesn't have nerve endings And I'm such a dork. I'm writing your brain doesn't have nerve endings. Oh, he said veins on fire. Okay. Oh, that may that may be that's that would have made sense. He says he's a logical. He's a brain. Damn. And I'm assuming that an injection was like a B that the stinger stays in there. He had to take it out later. Oh, I see. Also, he's response to this is he goes, is it true?

And he goes, I thought you didn't believe in truth. And I wrote sick burn You might be torturing me, but it looks like I'm not the only one who needs medical attention You're gonna have an asshole on your face after that burn. Thanks. Somebody's better at epistemology than somebody else That big deal. Go ahead. So the cop goes like, uh, told me about Aaron Willis and he's like, Bruce Willis was an actor and so and so Willis won a Nobel Prize. What you talking about Willis was a catchphrase of Gary Coleman. That was, that was in there too. But he's like, no, no, the, the Navy intelligence guy,

you just described him to us during the flashback. You were talking to him. You were, you heard the flashback you were you heard you because we were buddy bombing with the exactly so but he's not gonna of course he's not gonna sell out his buddies and that's kind of what the whole uh... interrogation things been built around so far as that they're like we want the names of everybody in your organization is like i'm not gonna give you the names of the more organization instead of just going frank smith

david johnson yeah but i don't know what you said that's a Instead of just going Frank Smith Dave Johnson. Yeah, but I told Douglas shit. That would be such an unrealistic We know that's a fake man. That's what we use Jordan. I want to say Jordan. Alright, never I'll get there. We'll get it. I gotta say it's like they were shooting for okay every time this guy gets abused or tortured in some way It has to be sillier than the last because this is where we get the kick over the chair scene in Three parts. I was expecting an atomic wedgie at the end of the next scene. Yeah Bring in the wet willy

Gross cut it gross. You're gonna give me an ear infection. You're gonna give me an ear infection. Go on I said time out feels like your ears are on fire And so now we're now we cut to house church which I guess it's awfully dangerous from to Jesus together so often now that there's only one government controlled religion for the entire country. So this is like a surreptitious thing that they're doing. Camera note for this scene. Where should we put the camera? Oh just anywhere we've got 12 of them And we are gonna use every single one of those 12 angles by the way also music note will this Spanish guitarist ever love again It's like a sad Hispanic kid trying to play your beautiful for a girl who isn't paying

attention at a party. She look all right here in Amini. The racist accents are phenomenal and I appreciate that. Okay, so what we get in this scene basically is him asking everybody like, hey, it's dangerous for us to all of Jesus together at my house. So, you know, we have to get more people to volunteer to have house church. And I guess Aaron raises his hand.

He's like, okay, I guess I'll have house church. And then, exact as like, your house is poor and disgusting. No. That's actually the way it goes. He's like, no, your house is too dirty and small. Should we try China for these house churches? It's not working here. And that's a scene, I guess. That's all we get of that. Then we cut to, as Eli has in his notes here,

the saddest workout montage ever. And it really is. So it's this guy Aaron and he's doing this sweatless, strainless, like, dour- to work out for several several cuts They could the actors in this movie could not be lifting less weight It's amazing which is amazing because you know at first they like put two forty-five on either side of a barbell And that actor just crushed his fucking larynx Three weeks later they came back and they were like just the bar and he was like The re-weets later they came back and they were like just the bar and he was like Put five sunny their side people don't know what weights are

And uh, by the way, we haven't described the physical appearance of this character Aaron. Yeah Oh, no, we haven't I would describe him as a hipster leprechaun that got a Jerry curl mullet for extra attention Oh, yeah, something along those lines. That's pretty good. He looks like the front of a cough syrup package. My music note here for the workout montage too is, trust me, it'll sound good when I add the flange. So, I got 200 CDs for a penny. Tony worth it. So he's leaving from his workout, I guess, and he walks by this chick and she needs a spotter

and I had a posit to check so I could see. And yes, indeed, those are 10 pound weights on the other side of the bar. What's the bar? Seven or something like that. She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... She lives in...

She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... She lives in... And I'm like, fuck it, Spotted, I'll lift a medium bag of dog food, essentially. And she's like, I need it. Also, that's not how spots work. You don't just randomly ask for one as someone's walking by. Because that's like, help me, I'm dying.

Right, right. You're no longer a spotter at that point. I've pushed out bigger shits than she's bench pressing. To Danny. During this recording. And this won't mean much to anybody but us, but this is Jillian the roast ruin. Is it she? This woman.

Oh my God, it's so distracting. Okay, there's a person that we all know that actually ruined the night that we all met more or less. And it looks exactly like this chick except for with the dudes acne. Well this chick yeah she kind of didn't grow out of her late 20s acne that everybody gets yet. It's how to do. So then we're going for a must. You're breaking up the band.

And that's what she does in the movie too. Yeah that's true that's true. So and then we get the like the most insanely boring meet up in cinematic history. The two of these guys chat and trying to make Some wall talk it is so fucking uncomfortable. I was embarrassed to be there and it ends when he says hey You want to play some some basketball and then all of a sudden I don't know where she pulls a basketball up It like she had it in her badge. I wrote my own list. Where did that basketball come from? I will kill myself Also if you watch these movies along with us and you should because this one's on Netflix in the background

There is a guy on a elliptical watching what is very clearly like 2013 news and giving zero fucks about the movie filming behind him He is my everything. He's just just like pulling his underwear out of his ass. So then we cut to them leaving together. Apparently they just played a game of basketball, and neither of them has sweated at all. And I have significantly more chemistry with my microphone than he does with this girl. It's unbelievable. Oh my god, this conversation is brutal. Like, who are they waiting for between lines? Like, you can't write. And it's a scene with two people.

You always talk next. I've never seen the two people. What are you waiting for? And also, by the way, this is great. I love this. The hallway they're walking down is nowhere near long enough for their little walk and talk. And I'm just, I'm ready.

Like, you're not gonna make it. You're not gonna make it. Fuck slow, like nine takes later. Okay, cut your little walk and talk. And I'm just, I'm ready like, you're not gonna make it, you're not gonna make it. Look, slow it like nine takes later. Okay, cut your steps in half again. Or maybe don't pause, just don't pause, just stop, you talking, then you talk. We talked, we worked this out. If you just talk, it's plenty long enough.

And I love that we just spent all this time establishing Aaron, how's the girlfriend? I mean, in the Popeye scene where you stressed out, like Popeye, that could have said, hey, how's Trish, this scene wouldn't has a girlfriend. I mean, in the Popeye scene where he's dressed up like Popeye, that could have said, hey, how's Trish? This scene wouldn't have been needed. Anyway. So now we're back at the underlit interrogation room. The cop is angrily yelling into a phone at this point. My note though is, why is his shirt more ripped all the time? Are they doing a shirt tearing torture as well? When one type of torture involves tearing the Upper shoulder area of your t-shirt on one side like tell us where they are

No, there's the shirt two inches Tell us where they are Torch two more inches bosses in the other and get them out of there is going nowhere They are two more inches bosses in the other get him out of there is going nowhere Idiot is also Progressively more and more covered in meaningless blood throughout the movie I was just like by the end of this film. He's gonna be carry He's got me Brunstein blood but have no injuries

And and so the cop yells get the barrel. Okay, see I thought it was barrel I was like get the wheel. Okay, see, I thought it was barrel. I was like, get the wheel barrel. Where are you going with this? I'm into it. I'm going to be back on board. I might be back on board. Very slowly, hesitantly undoing my belt like, alright, do get the wheel barrel. You can win me back. But instead of that, we get another montage. This one of basically nothing. I mean, this is to show us the air in his you're distracted by his girlfriend and doesn't want a terrorist anymore.

Yeah, right. They're also having some trouble building their Commodore 64. Oh, right. They spill some water on one of their Duplo motherboards or whatever. And by the way, it doesn't matter if you spill water while that's not plugged in. You just let that dry. And you just try.

Or you buy a computer that's already assembled. They make those now. They make those. That'd be good. Music note for this montage, by the way, my 90s sink bands go fund me made $8. Music note was, uh, Ross and Rachel just cannot manage to get together. She's gonna happen. So, now we get, this is such a bizarre fucking scene.

Maybe my favorite scene in the whole movie. This is the scene where Zach confronts Aaron about having this new girlfriend. And first of all, this scene is lit by turning all of the lights in the house on it once. Even the ones the camera's pointing directly into. And then we get like this back and forth between these two with zero emotion, where Zach is just getting mad at him for getting asked. So I noticed you've been with a woman.

Is she bigger than me? I was starting to get very uncomfortable with the nature of their relationship at this point. Show me the size of her hand with your two hands. Like a fish. Like this. Also, again, if you get a chance, look at the shitty real decoration in the back of this scene. This is family. These people have the tachyus house in the world. I had set decoration note. Make sure they can see we can afford olive oil. of this scene that says family, these people have the tachy is the house in the world. My, I had set decoration note, make sure they can see we can afford olive oil.

They've got this weird fucking, check out olive oil, it's all by itself over there anyway. Yeah, and okay, so again, all my notes for this scene is how the fuck is this guy the good guy? Because what he's saying is like, is she one of us? That's what the good guy says, is she one of us? And the guy's like, what? And he's like, you heard me.

You're no longer the good guy. Yeah. But he also says, do you know what she does for a living? And he's like, I don't know, man. We've only been hanging out for a few months. I love her. And it's like, what do you do for a living is the first conversation.

I know people who I don't fuck. And I know what they do. I'm afraid. What have they been talking about during their days? The plot. That's the thing. I wondered that myself, but then every time we see them, they're talking about the plot.

So clearly, that's their single topic of conversation. And they are standing so goddamn close to each other. It is amazing. In this, like, do the actors not notice that? Are they not? Is that not awkward for them at least I Whatever I just want to please keep talking. This is amazing. Just keep doing it. Yeah Oh, oh, it was it was so much fun because we're supposed like this Aaron character is supposed to be angry with him

But you you would never guess that from like he looks like he's been sedated Anyway, so yeah, what we're learning here is that Aaron is not allowed to love this movie's like a corporate training video about Christian terrorism It's just like what did Aaron do wrong? Hey, not go to his manager be We also learn that they're kind of running out of money a little bit. Oh, yeah, yeah, Zach Is that the main character? Yeah, Zach. He says, yeah, he's like, I'm not a bank. You can't draw endless funds for me.

So, I mean, how does he think banks? What? I think what? What? Now we know why there's not a freedom of silence too. Yeah, right. Still got that proactive money, but still. I mean, like, I was the poor guy for a while, but.

Now, and I want to put, I want to reiterate that this is, I'm not exaggerating this line here, and this is the good guy speaking. Here's the line, Aaron, you can't put your life ahead of the church, and I won't allow you to endanger the project, the good guy. The good guy says this to which Aaron quite Aaron quite rightly grabs him by the throat and pushes him against the wall. And again, every time this character gets abused, it's better than the last. This was phenomenal. And basically Aaron is basically making the point that like, shouldn't I just be the main character?

What do you do here? I, you don't have any skills and I can make the computer like do you know somebody else that can build a personal Computer for you good luck with that come out Well if you want to simulate the surface of the moon you're gonna have to use someone else's face fine You can stay And when he grabbed his throat and held him against the door It was so gentle and slow. I was like are they gonna kiss right? Kiss I feel like Aaron was just gonna kiss? Right, kiss. Kiss.

I feel like Aaron was just reading the script. He's like, okay, it says here that I do a throat grab, then back away really slowly with a medium smile. Are we? Typo? Just go with it, make a choice, do it. And he looks at his hands in that moment, like he's about to do the queen mabb monologue. Like he's gently pushed his friend against the door

by his throat and he's like, I'm a monster! Took his acting tips for when Anakin killed the baby paddlewhip. I killed them. I killed them all. Right just down, right just down. That's good shit. So, and then we cut to back to the interrogation. They're now dunking him in water. Uh,

but he's so tough that he just praise that. I mean, he doesn't care about being tortured. And then they just drown him. Well, I thought it was going to be the end of the movie because he's drowned. That would have been awesome. And she's she's like, he doesn't have a pulse. And he's like, well, bring him back to life with your doctor Also, we can't we can't just glaze over this because this is so bizarre the line of interrogation at this point is You're gonna die for a god that abandoned his own son That's where the fucking interrogator is going because it's foreshadowing. Oh, yeah, right, right. Yes He's foreshadowing. He this is where yes he's foreshadowing. This is where the

cop starts to drop the not so subtle hints about dead sun. Yeah which is fucking amazing. Well he's an atheist obviously someone had to die for that to happen. Yeah. Also they punch him in the ribs at this point with a sound like somebody pissing on a pillow. It's phenomenal. like somebody pissing on a pillow, it's super phenomenal. And then they drowned him to death, I guess, yeah. And despite our fervent hopes that he was just dead in the movie ended there, I guess we're only a little over the half way, Mark. So if we have any hopes of making it all the way through, we're gonna need to pause for a quick break. But before we do, I'll give act three, the hard sell here. Will Aaron, expression emotion other than passive disinterest?

Will Zach have consistent acne and or facial injuries and any consecutive scenes? Will some kind of a vent occur at some point? Find out the answer to these questions is no when we return for the constipated conclusion of the freedom of silence. Boo! Oh, Christianity! Look at that! You sure don't you preach, Darlis? Listen, now look, all I'm saying is that you've been told all your life, there's no absolute

morality. I mean, he likes chocolate ice cream, I like vanilla, so what, right? No, why not? What's problem with that? Move. Well, I'm saying that there is a truth, an irrefutable one, one that you should kill people if they disagree with you about. Wait, what I'm saying

is, wait, I'm saying that like murder is always wrong. And well, well, no, because the books are what I mean is that like it's we get to murder people who like rum raisin. Sure do. Yeah. Like Christianity now. Fucking room raising. Vodka prune. Your nose. Fuck down. Shit. Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

You can tell I'm a news reporter because where the hell else would I get a green street? Anyway, last night a guy came on TV and said the Bible was the inerrant word of God. However, he also emailed you all a copy. So I'd like you to turn to page 134 and see that. It says bats or birds and rabbits chew their cud right there. And if you move forward to page 342, you'll see there's a chapter with the talking donkey. And of course, if you don't want to read that much, there's also a talking snake towards the beginning. And now back to atheism TV and the bear back contesta. And we're back for the exciting TV and the bear back contest.

And we're back for the exciting conclusion and we're going to start off with Zach and his wife sitting at the park talking about the plot some more. Yeah. And basically he's like, I got to get home and back to terroristing. And she's like, if you stay here, I'll buy you ice cream like a child. Well, she can't offer him a rim job or anything. Right. I guess that's, that's what he saddles for and wouldn't you know it they run into Aaron and Trisha at the park now keep in mind that the last we saw of Aaron was the choking scene right so this is I guess the first they've seen of each other since the awkward it was almost a kiss but that it wasn't quite right next message almost fucked yeah exactly so it's super awkward with the girlfriends and everything but the wife

uh... kelly up uh... zaxx wife sends the two guys off to get ice cream so that they can make up right and this is trisha and her daughter vinesa their different races don't worry about it vastly different races. And of course, and this is really bizarre because this is all A.D.R. as well and they're outdoors. So it's very clearly like two people redoing their lines.

Well, another guy blows on the microphone. So ridiculous. So we get this really awkward moment where it's it's Kelly and Trisha sitting together on the on the park bench Right and Trisha looks like Danny Trejo on a hunger strike Animal certainly has a type You worked a game stop for you Nine tenths of our listeners are just like, what are you doing? And the other tenth just laughs along and get anything doesn't care that they don't get

the joke. Yeah, exactly. These are real people we're talking about. It's funny. You'll have to trust us. I love to the little conversation that Trisha and Kelly have where she's like, oh, so it must be tough being a single mom. And she's like, well, you know, I don't

actually even know my baby daddy's name. So to which to which fucking the Kelly, the the Zack's wife says, Oh, well, that's okay. All you need is forgiveness. And she's like forgiveness for what? And I was like, oh, I'm sorry, being a whore, I thought it, we kind of thought it without saying. Oh, no, I am a slut, I do feel shame. It's good. Oh, yeah. Good point.

But she acts like she doesn't know the word forgiveness because it's an actress game. So she's like, what is this forgiveness you see? Is that like when someone gives you something for money? I'm an atheist, we don't have that concept. But there's also this like this like forgiveness. She must be a Christian kind of a moment that's supposed to be happening here. And then we cut over to the two guys talking, which and this is another phenomenal ellipsis pronunciation type of conversation. You're supposed to interrupt me. Yeah. And, uh, Zach's still pretty suspicious of Trisha at this point.

Yeah. I wanted him to say to Aaron, like, I think she's still a spy. Maybe we should have her stone a gay person just to be sure. She's just a like, Donnie Brasco style. Jumper in. I also love to. Okay. So the opening of this scene, he's like, you know, so Kelli arranged this, huh? And then they talk for a little while. And then they get like really further, a lot further into the scene, he's like, you know, so Kelli arranged this, huh? And then they talk for a little while, and then they get like really further, a lot further into the scene and goes, so Kelli arranged this, huh? And that's how they get into the next.

Also, there's a fantastic story goes, I could have killed you and both actors are like, with the hand touchy thing. Yeah, yes, to the script sense. All right. You could have killed me. Oh, no, I think it was supposed to say catch to they just Inside of my palm broke out from touching your next dog Not related to the movie hope you didn't scratch your balls after that. I'm just saying. I hope you didn't scratch your balls I took away a gypsy's panting pro v and high school. It's never been the same a gypsy's panting, pro v and high school. It's never been the same. So also we learn here that the plan is ready, you know, all of the, the Apple II E is complete. So they're ready to go whenever, but of course, Zach hasn't told Kelly yet. He's still waiting

for the right time. And then we come back to Trisha, and Trisha upon hearing the word forgiveness has to send a mysterious text to let us know that she is a spy, because of course the protagonist of this movie would just be a bigot if it didn't turn out he was right. Yeah, exactly. But this movie shots so badly that she does the texting below the line of the screen. So you just see you're looking at her lap and I was like,

all right, I'm into this. Hand down. I'm in a jerk hard time. I'm in a pain down. Music note, I play here Tuesdays and Thursdays plus, they let me have all the leftover pasta I can take home with. Boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

so and then we get, we cut to Aaron dropping Trisha off that night standing on the porch going, I would very much like to fuck you tonight and her saying no. No, you can't come inside my spy house. I mean, my house. Regular house. Bye, George Lamlock.

So she walks in, she wanders through the house, a little bit, puts the little girl to better whatever and then she She walks into the living room and turns on the light and the evil government guy is there That's been doing all the interrogation like sitting in her dark room, and I'm just like how long? Did he have to sit there like that? What if she'd let Aaron come in like he would have been sitting up there They'd have been fucking he'd be going like oh god Jesus Christ. I didn't this guy would have the I believe I should stay I should stay and still surprise both of them I don't I don't get it I mean I don't know we've already established that she's all

horrible more suspicious if I don't fucker if I do with it will blow the cover so this is where we learn of course that she's an agent who's been sent to infiltrate their underground church by befriending errand so the plan of the government agency was you work out at this gym ask that guy for a spot challenge him to basketball and then maybe he'll tell you about his secret underground church network

yeah that was the plan exactly learned all his plans from Heath Ledger's Joker. You see, they're gonna think, they want me to think that he's dead and then he'll be there and I'll put them into the, it's a hole, I gotta put a phone in a guy. Yeah, seems good, seems good. He'll know a lot of sense as long as you don't think about it. Also, I'm sorry, but who the fuck's family

does she have a picture of? Sitting right next to her in this fucking house is very clearly a picture of a husband and wife in three kids. She's a single mom with one kid. The guy even picks up the picture at one point and it kind of turns it away from the camera to look at it. I'm thinking he just realized, oh, this fucking kid,

this is a black family shit. Let me turn this away. That's her vision board. It's cool. Oh, I see. I thought that since this was atheist, Ania, she had just won this house during the last purge. So, oh my, their bodies are still decomposing in the basement. And then he threatened to murder her kid if she doesn't find out about the churches and of course oh we have to get the really heavy-handed foreshadowing again here because he's like losing a child is a terrible thing is it no more should I winked at the camera yeah and and now we get we cut back

to the interrogation where he's praying now we get we cut back to the interrogation where he's praying so we know we're getting there we're getting the prayer scene fucking required christian uh... movie bingo moment and they just took his shirt at this point well i think this is like i i honestly believe at some point is like i'll be damned by went to the gym eleven times to wear a fucking shirt to this whole movie

exactly and we get a great shot of the nurses, pours here, just like really, really close look at her pours. Yes, and she is quite impressed by his superstitious abstinence, I guess. Yeah. So, and then again, like there are so many superfluous scenes in this movie, then we cut to the, the pizza, Rhea, the pizza place now they're gonna have a conversation here that's basically like hey there's something I want you to

talk to you about like oh well we shouldn't talk about it now should we well yeah probably not next scene yeah next scene well wait they're at the pizza place and they're gonna start to talk about it and then America's version of Adele comes over and she says like, guys, do you want anything? Breadsticks? A little saying he's like, God created the Unum and she's like, can I get you guys some more here?

I would watch 90 more minutes of this guy trying to confess things and the waitress coming over and being like, nah, I can't. Well clearly the waitress got him over a a kickstarter goal or something yes she was so assistant ad i can't get that she's not someone who blew the director this is someone who blew like an assistant sound guy best boy what uh... i think you're you're overestivating the crew they had on this film but uh... and i also love this line too

Because he says to her he's like when we met This is literally the line he says when we met it was almost like somebody scripted it And like not really no you're giving yourselves a lot of credit there I wrote my own scripted you know like this movie isn't yeah Also is it just me or is he acting like he's dating her and her daughter? Like he's he keeps being like I love you and your daughter. I'm so happy to be here with you and your daughter It's just I feel like he's hinting at a threesome. It's just like yeah No, Bethany could come back to why not

Also, okay movie making tip for Christians. If all this scene does is invite us to the next scene, it need not be seen anyway. So then we cut to that night when they're, when they're home and he's finally telling her, he's confessing his Jesus, Jesus'iness. And his line is basically, I'm a believer. And she's like, no, yeah, I believe in God too.

He's like, no, no, no, I'm a correct belief. Yeah No, I mean like the real living God like the real one. She's like, oh, okay never mind. I meant to fake dead one Sushi do you like sushi? She's all like oh, but it would just be such a risk to be Christian. He's like what would you be risking God's love eternal life? Not being tortured and a Wendy's walkin' cooler for most of this movie. Also, music note, here's a note, and here's a note. And yes, here's a note.

You could have played this music with your dick. The rest of the movie, there's this piano music going, it's one note at a time. Yeah, it's un-no-fucking-believeable. Um, so, and then also like he goes to leave, right? Like, you know, because she's angry at him for being a Christian or whatever, and um, he goes to leave and then she's on screen by herself for like one second. So she just picks up a pillow and sets it back down. It's amazing Christians being left alone on camera. I loved it so much. She just looks at the camera.

Should I juggle these? Or maybe spend one on my finger or something? Yeah. Also, when he leaves, it's very clearly the someone just signed out of A.I.M. noise. Oh, he's crying. I was like, oh, high school. And then we get this bizarre scene too with her and the daughter. You know, the whole mommy are you okay?

Seeing where the daughter has to sing the confession of Christianity song. Well, here's what's so fucking crazy about this Christianity is this big secret in the movie that he has to confess to her But he taught her daughter Jesus loves the little children or whatever the fuck is. Yeah, so it's not like that girl's not gonna Go to school and be like my mom's boyfriend taught me this. I'm a Christian and you should kill me. Here's my address 32, island. One of my points is scared for. Here's my phone number.

Oh, I thought this was my... This is a giant secret legend unless you're teaching it to a child that just thinks it's a silly song. Yeah, exactly. Unfuckin' believable. And then we get, I think it's a silly song yeah exactly unfuckin believable and then we get i think it's probably the sloppiest cut in the entire movie it which is a movie that really plot pride itself on slapy cuts and apparently this is a

zack telling Kelly about the terrorist thing or whatever yeah it's fucking like slides into focus it's like waking up from a blackout you're just next to a girl you don't know and a guy you do and you're like, oh what's happening? That's how this movie introduced this scene. Yeah, it was brutal and Zack's telling Aaron like you know We can't tell anybody about this Terrorist act not even your casual girlfriend. Don't tell her about terrorism either. Why can't I tell my girlfriend? You have to tell your girlfriend, she's my wife and the mother of my two children.

Oh, you're wrong. It's different. Yeah, but of course, until Trisha Jesus' is they can't trust her, the good guys. And again, like completely superfluous scene because then we got right back to the interrogator man demanding to know where Trisha is. Right, because he thinks that Aaron killed her.

And we know this because he said he's a killer. That's what they do in the seals. Yeah. Oh, that's why he was dressed like Popeye because he was a Navy seal. I see. I see. Yeah. So yeah, right.

And of course, all my notes are about that weird fucking extra anus on his eye. So I don't even remember what happened. But yeah, but yeah, right. So he, I guess he gently throws Zach to the ground at the end of this scene to emphasize that he's quite angry. And he also adds that they're gonna make them look like terrorists in the public eye, whether or not that's true.

All the Christians are gonna look like that. And then he adds, if there's a dead child, even better. Yeah. The Eli Bosnick story. No. Just like Newtown. God. So allegedly, look it up.

Look it up, this accurate. Check out my blog. Now, so now we cut to the 90 minute ominous preparing for the terrorism montage, except for there's nothing to prepare because the Apple IIE has already assembled, I guess. So it's just like him shaving ominously. His wife pouring cereal ominously.

The shaving idea is dangerous. That's gonna be a blood bath of us and blackheads and to send to Orim all of his face i thought that was probably it's like he's like okay uh... guys it's really bad this morning can we just shoot all my shots with shaving cream on i expected him to just be using the other side of the razor like you do with the kid when you're like to

exactly smooth smooth strokes slow smooth strokes also music note for this montage he was the noblest war fighter ever had the honor to fight the sides. My music note was forging my very own war hair. Yeah, right, right. Also, there's an incredible moment where the mom is packing the stuffed animals. She's solemnly packing a stuffed penguin in a dog and I wanted her so badly to smother the penguin with a pillow and be like shhhhhh the world isn't meant for light as bright as yours Mr.

Chimichips. Watch the scene it is every inch a mother smothering her child scene. Well the music would have been right at that point and everything. Yeah and then again super superfluous scene We get him checking him with Aaron is everything ever ready. Yeah, everything's ready. Are you ready? I've been praying about it all night. Okay, well I'm gonna hang up with you And now I'm gonna say goodbye to my wife and kids and then call you back immediately after okay At this point all of us have something in our notes along the lines of feel free to allow anything in this fucking movie to happen Whenever you're ready. don't let us rush you.

Yeah, so yeah, then we get these, oh, God, we get a two long fucking boring, constipated, good buy scenes. The first with the wife where, you know, she doesn't want to be safe. She wants to be with him. And, but it's okay because she knows that God is in control So keep in mind that's been God torturing him to this entire movie. Yeah, this is the basic idea of this scene It's basically saying okay, so I'm gonna go uh terrorist attack the United States you fly to China with the kids God is in control. I'm the good guy She has doubt she's like what if the tech isn't good? What if they notice you're the only man on earth whose eyebrows stick out farther than the rest of the space? What if they lie, you know, they get you from your zit print or something? Yeah, exactly. And then as though this wasn't long and boring enough,

then we go out on the porch so we could say goodbye to his kids and at this point Even the older daughter is sick of this scene. She cuts him off midline. Yeah, yeah I know I know fucking amazing She's the only one who jumps on a line in the entire film He's like now you be good and the little girl's like be good and he's like no, yeah, yeah, yeah be good guy I'd like a career in porn after this to try not to fuck that up for me Child porn I'd like a career in porn after this to try not to fuck that up for me child porn They've got standards now

celebrity endorsement now Right so and also I love this this camera moment here too So they show him hugging his daughters and everything as they're leaving But then he has to hug his wife except for the camera is now at pelvis level when they stand up so instead of just pulling back or moving the camera they dissolve to three feet higher yes yes it's like a cross dissolve to three feet higher

and they're good by kiss looks like it belongs in megan is missing it is not unreal and then finally we get him calling Aaron and these are I had to go back for this. He says, routing scramblers are up. Encryption keys are active. Like flux capacitor fluxing. And we've got like hardcore Christian rock in the background. My music note was let the body of Christ hit the floor. But no music was no you're doing it wrong man it's squinting an arrow.

You've got squinting an arrow no squinting an arrow. No squinting an arrow. I just want to point out that in Heath's note he's actually written out squinting an arrow. I was spelling better than I spell, Roger. I was just dying to know I'm like looking at this the whole time we're leading into this scene. I'm like I can't wait to see what the pronounce is. What's that?

Square Ninon Air. But apparently, okay, so he's taking over all the TVs and computers and otherwise screens in the world with his Apple 2E in the entire world with a windows ninety five in a van well let's come on like several windows ninety five computers home together this is fantastic he's john galtting them as a all that was missing from this movie was iron and and now we have a

check yes right also before they go he he's like, all right, I'll be praying. And he's like, don't get all religious on me now. I'll be praying for you. And it's like, what, you got to pick. What character, what words come out of your fucking characters face? I don't, ah. Well, also, they start counting down, but they're counting

down together, and then one of them's, oh, shit, I wasn't for you. Oh, it was fucking amazing. Was that just supposed to be you my bad and they kept it. Yeah, it's just like five five. Oh fuck. Sorry for good So yeah, they finally get to one and Aaron manages to hack into all the things with screens in the universe Yes, all the mirrors in the world showing the two. The windows of its dark. I just wanted to see like an air traffic control tower. And then I was like, I don't know why.

You guys want to just, okay. Like, Vogue on saying, God, shit on this guy. And now we get the message by the way, four or five people really like that joke. Now we get the message and we learn that this entire movie was a lead up to a Facebook post this guy thought was clever. Yeah, this this is where all of our notes turn into just the things that this character I have something to say about this shit put something here. Yeah, right, right. Oh my god And so like yeah, because my first thought on this is where they first are shown and I'm like, hello

My name is Zach and I know that statistically speaking almost nobody would be watching TV at any given moment but we're gonna act like they are but that's before they revealed it is also on all the phones and computers and nobody turns off a single screen nobody just turns out that there's actually a girl at one point watching on her laptop and also typing he's nothing's happening on a screen accepts what you're watching. It's just typing anyway. It's like chat roulette.

You're trying to get that guy jerking off off your screen. How do I want it to stop? Next penis. Next penis. Siri, next penis. Yeah, now I gotta find out what it does if you say that. So, all right. And then his message here to all the people of the world to all the computers and and and tv screens

is that if we we didn't have bible so when people said it was full of superstition and intolerance we didn't know how to defend against it we haven't figured out why the people who were allowed to read it still couldn't defend against that but what we're going to talk about something else from this point on they were the intolerant ones the secularists. Yeah, you are the movie Well, yeah, exactly and of course it's like you what is the government so eager to silence? Obviously Jesus and at this point all of my notes are I'm so glad Noah's hearing this monologue

I'm so glad Noah's I'm so glad Noah's hearing this monologue. I'm so glad Noah's hearing this monologue. So bad. It was like nine years of diatribe material in this fucking thing. So yeah, he's like, you know, and this is the Bible and the blah, blah, blah. And when you read it, it's very clear.

This is the message that he says is very clear in the Bible, in the Bible, that God loves you. But when you sin, you make yourself too filthy to be near him because he's so awesome and so Jesus had to die. That's the clear message of the Bible. Yeah I'm so sorry but I'm like so super great that I like need to send you to hell. Stop trying to make salvation work back up. Yes but see when you sin you make me make baby cancer you brought this on yourself and again in their movie They go I know that sounds hateful, but it's true so

Yeah, right so we are hateful in a good way want to go out go for a ride He's going to the next scene go to the next scene we go to the next scene well and they put but okay But again consecutive lines in his little speech basically is like now let me be clear all the religions accept mine are wrong Also that intolerance thing was bullshit What and I emailed everyone a copy of the Bible Yes, damn terrorism every email address in the world. That's the exact yes use. Oh, I'm so happy that big titties 69 Is it gonna be in the Bible now? If anybody needs a copy of the Bible, it's big titties 69 and now of course we're back to the beginning

big titty 69 and now of course we're back to the beginning you know where the the the swat team broke in and and and got him so this is apparently where that happened and we cut to Aaron giving the worst know the worst non-star wars know in the history of film yes he throws a temper tantrum the way someone mad about all the quailudes they just took I'm gonna pick up this bucket and put it right Meanwhile the music in the background is everyone get your guns together and we're gonna meet in the park Yeah, the know was absolutely amazing. It was like, no, girlfriend who just broke up with me, which saved me the trouble of doing it myself. No, don't leave. Come back. Oh, man, we should probably split the chat. Please, please don't.

No, all of a sudden, I just had a salad. And all of a sudden his his wife is narrating the movie uh... all of our notes i believe at this point are how can there be twenty minutes left and uh... uh... uh... uh... is that there's got to be a way to watch netflix at one point five speed uh... and out okay so the wife is telling that the story of paul getting shipwrecked from acts as rendered by Stan and Jan Baranstein.

But no idea what's happening. I was just like sailing voice over what? Yeah, I thought they were talking about the fucking the guy like that they had taken what's the main character to Rome and that the main character ended up on the island. I was like what? He's on an island? What the fuck is this movie? Well, and I also look, because it's the most bizarre goddam-

you could, I think they just randomly open to the new test, so I put a part in the new test, because she's reciting the part of Axe where Paul leaves to go to Rome, and he's gonna get shipwrecked here, but they don't get to that. They just basically have the part where he leaves and gets on the boat, and then we just move on to the next scene. And then of course,

we cut to Aaron standing outside of an abandoned barn, you know, and he's clearly he's bucket-kicking mad at this point. Yeah. He throws a, I love to, he's next to this shit hole burning throws a rock through the only window that's not broken in the entire Fucking thing and he throws considerably worse than I do which is saying a lot I'm like Whole bunch of takes oh my eye the stand I Cut just throw it just throw it anywhere far away from anywhere far away What if I drop it and you do it in post It is CGI in the athleticism later if I move my arm too fast I start to master

so I Can't throw it I can push it I can't throw it. I can push it. It's like Tim Tibo. I'm like Tim Tibo in that way. And then Trisha calls him to tell him to meet her at Rocket Ship Park. She'll be standing in the pouring rain. And then of course, now it's back to interrogation timeline. And apparently the nurse has had enough of this torturing him shit Cuz she's yelling at the guy she's like even he has rights in the interrogators like a Christian

I don't think so yeah Making bake okay wedding cake that'll be our strategy And again superfluous fucking scene cuz then we cut straight to him meeting And again, superfluous fucking scene because then we cut straight to him meeting her at the fucking park and it's the Rain is amazing basically they've got two hoses. Oh my god. It's a beautiful day in the background of this There's like a corona commercial in the background It's phenomenal. It's very clearly just the Christian special effects guy spraying them with a hose they're like Brian rain comes from up and It's like you all right

What are you gonna do? He's still notice that lightning Well, and that's the beautiful thing about it actually and this one because there's thunder every eight seconds But there's never a flash of lightning So okay, yeah, that's how that stuff works. Yeah, and she has brought, she's there to tell him to confess that she's the one who turned them in. And she has brought the faked looking gun. I mean, you could only get a cop and cleave

and just shoot a black 11-year-old with this gun. That is how fake this gun is. Yeah, and she's going to shoot herself with it. She wants Aaron to take the daughter because she's not good enough anymore. And she's going to shoot herself. And it looks like she's going gonna shoot herself with it. She wants Aaron to take the daughter because she's not good enough anymore And she's gonna shoot herself and it looks like she's gonna shoot herself in the like top one inch of her skull She's pointing the gun throughout this scene about three inches above

She never quite gets to the head. I think she's planning to shoot her soul Or God is where your top chakra is, is right there above the head, I guess. Yeah, we get a lot of crazy information from this lady right away in the scene. First, she says, I gave a sleeping pill to my daughter. She's locked in the car. Like what's the, it's got a little girl.

Weird opening. Also, I'm giving you that daughter that I gave the sleeping pill to and I'm gonna shoot myself now. That happens right away. Yeah, madness. Well, she's like, it's all my fault. She's about to shoot herself.

And then Aaron's like, all right, it's your fault. And then he goes on to say, but this isn't gonna solve it. But he pauses for so fucking long after he says, all right, it's your fault that I wanted so bad to just hear a gun shot in the bag. That's so, it's exactly the note I wanted. It's all right. It's your fault Blam! Yeah! Oh, I'm not what I meant. You know what? That's on me. I'm not sure. I'm not punished so long.

Yeah, but of course he forgives her because he's a Christian and that's what Christians do is they forgive people unless they want to use a bathroom. I just want to this scene is so boring a person's holding a gun to their head This is my extreme of consciousness notes. There are 12 minutes left But I don't think I can make it through the rest of the movie come on Eli. You can do this. Who does she look like? She looks like girl Gallagher Yeah, girl Gallagher That's what I did while they talked about whatever he looks like he's about to confront a member of nickel back about being his father Well, yeah, because what's going on on screen is he is

Theologizing her out of suicide. He's giving her very quiet way to quiet for the rain noise emotionless Theology and that's gonna talk her out of committing suicide. At this point, I would shoot myself just so that he would shut up. Also, music note for this conversation. C-C-C-C. C-C-C.

D-D-D-C. Out of curiosity, have you seen Inside Lewin Davis? No. The whole time I was thinking, oh my god, this is fucking John Goodman making fun of Lewin Davis. This music. My music note here is some of the best pianists only use their right hand. It's black keys make it scary. Also next week we'll learn left hand.

They'll be all set. You'll be a pianist. Also, um, all set you'll be a pianist also um it did that which she goes to hand him the gun by pointing the barrel at his head and then dropping it that is such a spectacular moment at the gun hitting the ground sounds like it's a awesome it sounds like a ping pong ball bouncing it's pretty great so now we're back at the beating the fuck out of Zach in the interrogation like, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, Also the doctor's just there this doctor has done nothing throughout the whole film She just stands there and is like oh you're killing him. Yeah But she's still there of course meanwhile Aaron is hacking into the magic computer You do magic computer stuff. Yeah, yeah, if I just go to

Government interrogation room dot com slash hack the camera Perfect all right. There's a live videofeed of Zach getting beat to death. Yeah. And he just sends that to every camera in the world. Yeah. Again, because they already have that set up, I guess. At which point, Trisha is just like, cool.

I'm going to go have fun sending everyone the video of your friend getting beaten to death. Yeah. Yeah. Fun storm in the castle. And then, so, of course, this is when they like, oh, and they'll, they cut back to the interrogation and the nurse tries to stop him because he's having so much fun beating the Christian up because he's a bad guy, atheist. And then he hits the nurse.

Yeah. And Zach goes, please forgive him father. He knows not what he does. Yeah. And this is where we get the big confession Yeah, the big reveal he says you asked God to forgive me God should be asking me for forgiveness He ran a truck into my wife and son All atheists have dead wives or mothers or children

Truck-related dead wives mothers or children trucks or truck-related dead wives, mothers or children. Trucks or cancer, yeah, it's gonna be one of those two things. And every- And Kevin Sorbo as professor in college is tremendous. But okay, but like while we're on the subject, can we at least agree that he's right, like if there was a god, he would owe a lot of fucking apologies. Yeah, well he says,

because this is kind of the problem of evil, right because he's this is kind of the problem of evil right it's like a version of the problem of evil like your god is evil and basically he's unconscious and i wrote my notes good thing that guys unconscious because he actually has a great answer right now but like he's he's asleep so he can't um so like no but he would yeah, he would totally he tell you shit But of course and then like that this is a subordinate runs in is like stop boss. They're broadcasting this on TV And he's like oh no if they're broadcasting it on TV Well, then I guess I will pull out my gun and shoot him with it. Yep

Can't we just turn that camera off? Yep, can't we just turn that camera off? Can I hit it maybe with this dildo? Can I shoot it with this gun? I probably have no. Apparently not. But of course he doesn't need to shoot him because as the nurse informs him, he's already dead. He's already done his job. Right. And they're very... They put out by him

and disappointed in him for beating a man to death on every screen in the world put out quite a bit and then of course we're going to count the movie off with with news footage see open parentheses close parentheses master of filming it's just like the general anyway so now everybody wants to Jesus again because they saw him get beat to death I guess right watching people get beat to death just reminds people how much fun passion plays are right in the news today The fact that a guy got beat up means all the laws do over You are a blackout sincerely hate crime. That's the new rules That's the thing is because they say and and and now they'll also repeal all the hate crime. That's the new rules. That's the thing is because they say, and now they'll also repeal all the hate crime

statutes. That's the happy ending of the fucking movie. That is the repealing of hate crime statutes. Yes. The thing in this movie that the protagonists get rid of our hate crime statutes. And they call it that'm gonna call it that. They call it that. Yeah, right, right again. You're the goddamn movie. You can write any words you want.

Anyway, yes. And then we get the goddamn credits. And I just I have to mention this. They end the fucking movie after the before the franchise. They end the movie with an excerpt from Timothy. Yes, they do. Second Timothy, four, three, I actually wrote this down. A time will come when people will not listen to accurate teachings.

Instead, they will follow their own desires and surround themselves with teachers who tell them what they want to hear. The prophecy of the Texas public school system. Right. Oh, one last thing you are Dedicated to you because you are No Yeah, right cuz I feel like I feel like if I had to summarize the message of this movie it would be in a world where Bibles were illegal it would be illegal to read Bibles unless we changed our mind and made them legal

Is that is that about it that what we were going for there? That's the movie unbelievable. All right, so I know from recent tripartite dialogues and the importance of feminism that Eli doesn't do well with 10 point scales and such So rather than asking how many arbitrary points you'd assigned to this movie of Saudi Arabia was a nine and then proceed to confuse you with a convoluted Explanation of logarithmic versus linear scales rather than acknowledging the scale with only one reference point is useless I'll ask you this Imagine that you're in an or a well-earned future and you've just been arrested for an infraction even stupider than this movie What are you in jail for? All right, I'm in jail for

possession of Neapolitan ice cream with intent to distribute. Ooh, I agree with that one. Wife, Peter. Thinking white lives matter. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And while I guess that does it for our review of Freedom of Silas, that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet Because we still need a coke shion to come in back next week. So Eli tell us what's on deck? Second glance. Oh my fucking god. Okay, this is the first time that you've ever set me a preview where I had to double check and make sure this Wasn't a joke. Nope. It is a hundred percent real

Unbelievable. It is one of David. I think it's David R. White's first movie. Yeah, it's a very early David R. White. And it is, and this movie's actually gotten a little bit famous recently. A listener Sarah sent me this because apparently the people who made the movie have been trying to abuse YouTube's copyright laws to take down all the reviews of this movie. Oh, really? So yeah, so we absolutely have to do it.

And what's amazing about it is the movie is it's a wonderful life, except it's about an uncool Christian kid who has an it's a wonderful life experience about being not Christian. Yes. So I guess with that to look forward to, we'll bring you episode 38 to a merciful close. Once again, huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go.

If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a better episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby, our early access to every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoy the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist and the skeptic rat available on iTunes, Stitcher and Wherever else podcast lip.

If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies at gmail.com. All the music you use in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here more by following the links on the show notes for this episode, thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm Noah Luzon's promise into work hard to earn another chunk next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with the breakfast club close. B-B-B-R-O-M-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C- They did too. Tricia went on to change her name, date our mutual friend Luke, and act like an insufferable scut at the roast where we all met. What a bitch. It's a roast. It's a roast. That's a roast. A post to make fun of people you fucking dipshit. Kirk Cameron woke up next to Ray Comfort after the credits and never ate Chinese food before

bed again. Fuck you! SHARP MY ASS! Show off! Black key, cheater! WALCII's matter! Not doing your CUTACIOUS diet. Giant bugs! How much moonsault is in? I noticed there's nutrition information. I have no moon salt information You know, it's funny cuz given where we started this record if I just play this at the end is the outtake people would already know We were talking about Gwyneth Paltrow. Oh, yeah, they would need salt when the Paltrow. Yeah, there must be

It's trial of bite needs to bass go Let's try a bite needs to bass go. Hahaha. Oh shit. Oh, these are some good stromatolites. I'm just gonna get this enormous beat instinct me. Hahaha. On my face. On my face.

Can you just turn it around and ram it right into me. I know it's dead, but this thing is still in. Just stab me with the B. Oh shit. Well, thank you guys for waking me up. into me. I know it's dead, but this thing is still in. Just stab me with the B. Oh shit, well thank you guys for waking me up.