God Awful Movies - 386: Finger of God

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

This week, we watch a "documentary" about all the most blatantly (and least ardently) fabricated miracles we've ever talked about over on Scathing Atheist. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And he talks like a five-year-old telling you the story. And then I pray, and God, and Jesus, and I talk to him. What very clearly had to happen is that this guy was like, all right, we have magic powers. Magic magic. Nope. Okay. And then one of his liar classmates said to be like, I got this one, guys. Hey! Yes, who just texted me, buddy?

Yes, exactly. Like, he's telling me a bit that failed in a live show, wasn't that bad? Oh, no, I think they got it. I heard some shows. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be He's welcome back and Kevin McCarthy lost again. He lost again. Oh, nice. 12 at the time of this recording. That's awesome. It's a great week here. Got off on movies. Let me tell you. Yeah. As long as there's no governance to do this, it'll be fun to sit in night or

most of my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm amazing, Noah. I got to watch Kevin McCarthy lose 12 votes and counting as of this recording. And I got to watch the documentary equivalent of that for a movie this week. That's right. Eli is house speaker now. That's official. Honestly, no, I'm sorry. If Kevin McCarthy had just gotten into the speaker's thing and been like, I won that one. And they were like, no, I did. I did. That's the documentary we watched.

We called out pulling a Trump these days. Yeah. So tell us, Heath, what would be breaking down today? We watched finger of God. It's a documentary about how God can't pee or do miracles when you're watching. Right before you're watching, let me tell you. Right before, but it's not to argue with a joke, but it's actually dumber than that. It's, that's God being your seeing right now.

It's a video of the audio of God beingeing when you're not looking at yes. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the theology of evangelical Christianity, but you love for the colorability of a not especially bright six-year-old, you will love this movie. That's really nice way of describing that six year old. And this is a documentary delving into the question of how that coin got behind my ear in the first place. Yeah.

It's so many times my notes are this is a bad magic show. Yeah. So many times Christianity is a bad magic show. That's correct. Yeah. Well, and so let's be super clear about this because then a lot of our documentaries, there's some question as to whether or not the people are out now grifters or they're just so dumb they actually believe their own shit with the exception of the filmmaker himself who I still have questions about. I'm going to go ahead and say everyone else we see in this movie knows exactly how demonic and fucking lying they are.

Right? Every single, because here's the thing, you can't do a magic trick if you don't know you're doing a magic. You can't. Exactly. Shut eye, sneaking crackers. I'm talking about it. Right.

There's not something that happens by accident. We're saying that didn't happen a bottle. Right. There's not something that happens by accident. That didn't happen. Okay. No, take it the show right there. Man had did not appear in real reality. Is he? Is what are you guys saying?

Okay. So is there anything you just want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to go with best worst. Actually, it's a best best kid rejecting a hug. Yes. The greatest.

We'll get to the details. There's a missionary lady. She's in Mozambique and she insisted on this big like important shot where she's got a bunch of the kids from Mozambique around her and she's got one of them on her lap and she's trying to hug the kid. And he hates her so God,. You're all haters so much. Like trying to hug a cat who doesn't want to be touched. I was literally just gonna say she could have been giving a cat a suppository and gotten

a more welcome response that she does trying to hug this kid. All right, so Eli actually already alluded to this, I think, but I'm gonna go with best worst video evidence. Oh, I'm not gonna spoil it yet, but let me just say that at a certain point, one of the many miracles we'll be discussing, they'll say, it's on tape, and then we'll roll the fucking tape. I laughed so good, so hard at this moment. So hard.

Almost certainly the hardest I've ever laughed watching one of our movies. Yeah, so we got that to look forward to look twice in my life I've seen someone say no, you don't have magic powers and the other person go and try and use their magic powers and this is that video. It's a video tape of that. Sure the fuck and I got so hard it's so there's so many shoes, but I'm gonna I'm gonna take one. best worst hyphenate job. shall we say differentiate it. And an unrelated guy, anyway. All right, well, to get through this movie, I'm going to need to find a lot more synonyms from gullible than I can just think of offhand. So we're going to pause long enough for me to check the Thessarist, but we'll be back in

a minute with all the disingenuous bullshit that is. Finger of God. Hey, guys, you want to talk to me? Yeah, Eli. This is tough. We're a little concerned about your work on the podcast. My work on the podcast was a problem. Well, look, we know you've been going through a bit of stress at home recently and, you

know, anybody can have an off week. But like, for example, this week, instead of writing notes about the movie, and it appears that you just made a cartoon of yourself with really big muscles. Really big muscles, yeah. Right. Yeah. Sorry, guys. I guess the stuff in my life is just affecting my work more than I knew. Well, have you tried therapy therapy? Isn't that just for crazy people?

Sure isn't. Therapy is a great way to talk through whatever you're going through with an impartial third party. And if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, better help is a great option. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online. If you want to get closer to the best version of yourself, therapy can help you get there. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.

H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. All right, fellas. Well, I guess that won't be needing this for scathing record next week, huh? Is it another cartoon of you with big muscles? Yeah, and I'm riding a motorcycle. Yeah, I think we're all good on those. Okay. Hi podcast listener. Yeah, and I'm writing a motorcycle. Yeah, I think we're all good on those. Okay.

Hi podcast listener, you know, from time to time, we get asked whether this podcast isn't just an elaborate attempt to drive whatever sanity remains out of our friend and colleague, Keith and right. And this, of course, is true. Yes, like mystery science theater 3000, we've isolated a normal man with two wacky robots and shown in bad movies in the hopes of driving him insane. But sometimes those shoves towards the edge come from surprising places like where a movie we're watching can or cannot be rented. Exactly, which is why this week we're pleased to present the completely real 100% unannoted transcript of Heath's notes as he attempted to rent this week's fill.

Enjoy. Thursday, January 5, 1110 AM. Okay, I'm watching and something happening in the jungle seems to be entirely in Nigerian with no subtitles. Feel like this is the wrong movie. Thursday, January 5th, 1125 AM. Okay, found the right one. Finger of God, the documentary.

It's a documentary about F-O-G, the finger of God ammunition company. Lots of time talking with redneck couples who love guns about ammunition. I feel like this is the wrong movie again. Fuck! I just watched a bunch of wrong movies. Thursday, January 5th, 1130 AM. It's only available for mapple. Now I have to put iTunes on my computer. iTunes for Windows is the worst piece of software ever created.

I have to restart my computer. I have to create a new password. I have to change my recovery email. I have to update my payment info. Nope, not like that. I have to delete the old one and add the new one. And it still doesn't work. Thursday, January 5th, 12.30 p.m. I have to look up the billing address for the puzzle credit card. Signing in, nope, can't sign in to the puzzle card site. Now I have to pay for this piece of shit with my personal card. Oh, iTunes has an update.

Okay, clicking. The update failed. Contact Apple Support. No. Thursday, January 5th, 1pm. Uninstalling iTunes. And reinstalling iTunes. I have to restart again. And iTunes has an update. Now the update works even though nothing changed. Okay, renting the movie now. This computer isn't authorized for iTunes.

Okay. Accounts, authorize. Now it's authorized. That accomplished nothing for security just now. Okay, renting the movie. And I can't find the movie I just paid for. The rental tab is not showing up on iTunes. Shutting down iTunes and starting again. Okay, the rental tab showed up even though nothing changed.

Great, downloading my rental. This is really slow. Still downloading. I have really fast internet. What the fuck is happening? Okay, finally downloaded pressing play. Thursday, January 5th 157 p.m. play Thursday January 5th 157 p.m. and it's a blank screen. Yup blank closing the player trying again and blank screen again. Googling iTunes player blank screen answer from all over the internet there are thousands of possible problems iTunes is a piece of shit. Great, sifting through thousands of problems now. None of these are good ideas to fix it. I'm going to delete my download and try again with streaming it.

And I can watch the movie. But first, I'm going to find an Apple developer and murder their entire family on principle. Thursday, January 5th, 225 PM, three hours later. That was a fun murder, pressing play. I just watched it on my Apple TV. I will kill you with my hands. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna start off with a quote from the storied theologian,

Bono. And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna start off with a quote from the storied theologian, bono. Here's the quote, religion is what you're left with when the spirit leaves the building. So I wrote about way of saying it, but yes, religion is nothing. Exactly. We're correct. We get a, a, a, a, a, a, a, who starts talking over the, these weird random credits and shots that were getting the VO says, you know, like this is something I would never have believed if someone had just told me and I'm like, okay, so you see where I'm coming from then before the movies even

started. So but we're listening to an old couple off camera telling us about the miracle that they experienced that involved one of them smelling like a dentist office. Okay. Thank you. I'm so glad I wasn't the only one that he heard this. I think, here's what I think happened, okay? Cause a dental's office smells like, he says, when you're at the dental's office

and they start drilling in your teeth, and that smell is usually, I think like a burning fire, he smells, so I think it is an incomplete part of a story about how demons were infesting his wife, but what they kept was she smelled like a dental offense. Oh, I think, okay, I think the story was that God gave this guy's parents gold teeth. We're gonna get to that in a second, right?

And the claim is, yeah, we know that's true because some people were like, yeah, she actually smelled like your teeth getting drilled when she walked past me at church. So like a church person was like, no, it's true. She smelled like getting your teeth drilled. So that was God giving her gold teeth. My question is, so the claim is God needs to drill first. Right. Give you gold teeth. God can't just like make them gold. Wait, couldn't God just give you like teeth made of teeth?

That's what he was. Why would he want to settle for gold teeth to begin? Couldn't he just give you good teeth and some gold? Yeah, exactly. And he was using. But yes, so sorry, he's got to hurry to us, dude, let's, let's spend a second on this. The opening claim of the film is that this elderly couple says that they were miraculously given gold teeth. They went into a church service, which

is normal fucked up teeth. And they came out with gold teeth caps. Yeah. And, and right after he says that, the narrator, who's the kid of these two people who got the gold teeth, he's like, nephew of these two people. The nephew, right. Right after he's like, yeah, God gave him gold teeth. He's like, all right, let's pause right there. That's fucking stupid.

But what if, no, it's not, begin my movie. That's his argument. Yeah, he says, well, I know you're probably thinking these people are crazy, but they can't be crazy. No, it's not. Yes. Begin my movie. That's his argument. Yeah, he says, well, I know you're probably thinking these people are crazy, but they can't be crazy. This is my aunt and uncle. That's the, that's, and we're supposed to go, oh, well, if it's a Zantan uncle, well,

obviously they can't be lying or crazy. Yeah, I wrote my notes. They can't be crazy. They're related to me. He's a new apologetic. I'll admit, I've not heard that one before. Well, I mean, they do show us the gold teeth, so it all checks out.

Oh, yeah. Okay. So, did you guys Google this? No. I Googled this. I think they got them from a dentist, Eli. I didn't have to Google this. Yes.

My Google doesn't, wasn't working because I had to install iTunes and that makes it. No, I had no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no jokes Google the death on your computer. You can't you two can't exist in the same system I get it. No, so I googled it the only place I could find this was the guy who made this movie's blog talking about this and He doesn't say

Their church hired a dentist to get them gold teeth But he doesn't say their church hired a dentist to get them gold teeth. But he doesn't not say their church arranged a dentist to give them gold teeth. So if, as I believe, he's actually just talking around the fact like, no, the church knows a dentist and he helps out for free. This is the dumbest miracle we've ever heard of in 386 episodes of this show.

So Eli, I'm not going to be anywhere near as generous. I'm pretty much certain that this elderly couple is just fucking pretending that they were miraculously gifted gold teeth at a certain point. Wow. Yeah, they weren't like front teeth. It was just like, yeah, you could show up at church and have gold back teeth known with notice You basically pomed the gold teeth and then you have gold right yeah right And then he explains he's like well, you know, and until I heard this very unlikely story I used to think the way a miracle is the way that most Christians think of them is it something that God did back in the day and

Bible days, but mostly today He just works on toast and parking spaces and stuff like that. But it turns out though, he actually still does miracles. So I decided to take my camera to different churches where God was doing his words weird things. I decided to travel the world because gold teeth showed up in my uncle and aunts mouth. Yup. Yeah.

Uh-huh. I love that he calls miracles God doing weird things though. Yeah. Right. No, I wanted to cut to God's like slowly pulling knotted cords out of his asshole or something. You want a weird shit? I got to do in a ping pong show. Okay.

Okay. All right. So that we meet our first talking heads. And this is the opening bit is so fucking nuts. We meet John and Carol are not of the Toronto airport Christian fellowship. I believe it's now called Toronto fire or something like that. But for those of you who aren't familiar with the Toronto, we've talked about these guys before on skating a this is the is the laughing church where they just suddenly start like hysterically laughing for no reason because they're so filled with the spirit of God. We don't get to see any of that in this movie.

Instead, we just get to hear them make claims that God gives their members gold teeth that ran to them. Yeah, which means that at one point they were sitting around in a company meeting and they were like, hey, guys, this gold teeth scam, the nobody's checking our mouths scam. It's a little stupid. Do you just want to laugh like Joaquin Phoenix and the Joker for free or now? Right. Yeah, exactly.

Let's do that. And by the way, I love that the guy here, he opens with the great quote. He's like, all right, people ask me like, you know, why doesn't God heal people in wheelchairs? And a lady got a gold tooth in a wheelchair. And yeah, she was pretty happy about that. Right. Yeah, exactly. And she didn't ask about it. So why the hell were you asked about it? Or maybe God doesn't make quadriplegics at all. Would be great. Just don't be that too. Would be perfect. So, but if it's not just gold teeth that show up at this church, right? It's also, it's

also gold dust. Gold dust. So he says, sometimes gold dust just reigns down in the church. We meet Joshua Mills, who's bit is that he like slathers himself in gold dust. In body glitter. Yeah, in body glitter. Right. And then he says, Oh, this gold dust is just coming out of my pores. That's such a sad miracle. Just, you know, give us gold. That's like God giving away weed, but like you only get the shake. Yeah. He literally, you got to like you only get the shake. Yeah. He gives you literally. And it's in a carpet. You got to get it out of the carpet. Yeah. It's such a stupid and terrible con. It's below Joseph Smith founder of Mormonism. Yes. Right. Yes. Okay.

So we, and then we see this service where we're going to meet this elderly couple. This is Harold and Kay buyer. And they're doing the, like, they're, you know, the Lord is going to, like, bless them and they're going to fall down and somebody's going to catch them. But after they're laid down on the ground, we look and there's a pile, there's a miraculously appearing pile of gold dust on the elderly gentleman's penis. Right on his penis. Directly upon his peninus. We watch a zoom in shot of this old man's crotch for a good 15 minutes. We watch several angles of this old man's crotch. Let's be clear what's happening here. Okay. So the people he goes, oh, I'm wearing

my Holy Spirit and the guys who help him down who are part of the church. Their job was to spread some gold dust on his pants and be like, oh, the Lord is done in this station. But they fucking missed. You will say, you take your comment your comment being filmed by a different comment just do a second You know there had to be a meeting afterwards where he turns to the guy's like why the dick though man Just like a bitch and call anywhere till you ain't straight from the book Someone in their magic trick fake miracle team is the Eli of that company. Hey, look at that. We got a new thing on the whiteboard. No gold dust on dick. No gold dust on decks. So yes, so we hear all about that. And then we also we hear about an even more miraculous

miracle that happened right before they started filming apparently herald also has mana creating powers. This is the stupidest this is the stupidest thing. This is the dumbest thing we've been doing the what we've been doing this show for seven years scathing for I've been doing gaving for a little bit less long on that this is the by far the dumbest thing an adult has asked me to believe He opens up his Bible and there's little like soup crackers, right? Like the free ones that they give you at cracker barrel because he's damned if he's gonna spend his own money on this shit

Right, there's little soup crackers all in his Bible and he's like, oh the Lord has created man Man He's like, oh, the Lord has created man. Man, he clicked and let me be clear. Let me be clear. These soup crackers are not in the shape of soup crackers anymore, right? Like, right, he's crouched him up a bit, but you could still see the little pieces on the outside. Yeah. Yeah.

They're very clearly soup crackers. They're fucking soup. Where everyone involved drives the car. They're soup crackers. But everybody in the crowd's like, rabble rabble or soup crackers or whatever. Rearana. Right.

Right by the guys dickin' in that Bible. That's amazing. They're eatin', they start eating them. Right next to that dumb waiter. I'm like, you just eat crackers straight from this Bible. That's fucking gross. So gross. Also, because he probably hit it somewhere gross, right?

Probably put it in his armpit or whatever. Yeah, right. Sneak it into the Bible, like the world's worst magician. So dumb. Oh, and we're going to get back to that. Don't worry. We'll see more from the crackers later. But first we have to meet Canon Andrew White, Eli Speswurst.

He is listed as both Anglican priest and hostage to go see her. Interesting. I like the idea that like the CIA walks in. Some guy takes off his sunglasses. Seize him preaching. That's our man. Yeah, right, right. Can an Andrew, welcome to the interview for the CIA. I see you're a double major in the police and this is perfect. Yeah. So, okay. So, but he apparently, he's the head of the

Anglican church in Iraq and you can see why the Anglicans wanted them way the hell over there, right? This guy can't say two sentences without throwing in some stupid and easily verifiable lie, right? This is, I don't know if anyone remembers this, our older listeners will remember this. This was the first time 2007, 2008 when this movie was made is when George W sort of double down on evangelicals and started appointing evangelicals to government.

This is what this is, right? Where he was just like, I'm going to make him the side minister of the bottom pocket of the left. He's the minister of Lint. And we just found what, right? We found some church did like a get out the vote thing and they were like, hey, man, we use our crazy guy and he was like, I mean, what could be the harm? No one's gonna point a camera at him.

He, he, he, he, he, yeah. Yeah, well, and he's, he's making all of these stupid fucking claims and Darren, the narrator, he cuts and he goes like, wow, I wonder why I've never heard this on the evening news before. And the implication is supposed to be, you know, they're hiding the truth about Christ, but it's like, no, it's because it's a fucking lie.

It's because the guys just making up bullshit, man. The claims that he makes is that angels appeared in photos of bombings and that soldiers have had mana appear in their hands on the battlefield. Yes. Right. If that happened with any evidence at all or non-evidence, Fox News is running that and they didn't just think about that. Yeah, exactly. So we're going to, we'll get back to him. But first we have to go back to the, to the soup crackers, apparently like a kid collapsed

outside of this church where this guy's doing a soup cracker pit. And he's like, go give the kid one of my magic crackers. He'll be fine. So we watched the filmmaker and a couple of the other congregants go and try to like preempt medical treatment for this kid to give him magical pocket crackers. Right. At best, at best, this is a bad magic trick. And at worst, she walks into the back of an ambulance during a genuine medical emergency. And it's like, I need to put my magic soup cracker in his mouth. Yes.

What the fuck, turn into the goddamn skid. Are you serious? She let me watch her, tell them EMTs, I need you to let Jesus take the wheel of the ambulance right now. That's what happened. It interfered with EMTs trying to heal a dying child. Right, and they have to lie to do it.

Right. She's like, I'm going to give him communion. You're like, no, those are pocket crackers. Come on. We saw. No, it's not the body of Christ. No, how come it's communion? Because because of fucking EMT would be like, Oh, I'm sorry.

You said you have mana. I'm going to call another ambulance for you. Yeah. Right. Also having a psychotic breakdown. So and Darren, he cuts into the next scene by going, now as if gold teeth, gold dust and mana weren't enough. And I'm like, yeah, man, because they're not.

Now he's going to introduce us to the magical gemstones that that was just wind up somehow sprinkled around the church now and again. Okay. just wind up somehow sprinkled around the church now and again. Okay, can we talk about these gemstones? They are ring poppy in Nets. Yeah. We get several shots of a person holding them in their hand. And like, their plastic is an insult to plastic. He goes, jewelers can't even tell what they are.

And I'm like, now they have some ideas though. I bet. Oh, mostly effort does corn syrup. Here's the thing. If anyone is a shut eye in this movie, it's the guy who's making the documentary, I agree with Noah,

which means they're may, may be cut footage somewhere of this guy being like, so can you tell me what kind of gems these are? And some Jouler of this guy being like, so can you tell me what kind of gems these are? And some jeweler at a K being like, no, this fucking bring. I saw you pull this off a necklace at Halloween adventure across the hall for me. He says, he says the jeweler's can't tell what they are because they're too perfect. Do you get these by showing your boobs down at Marty Grott? Well, yeah.

And he's like, now you may not believe that these spontaneously appear. Well, it just so happens that we have some video footage of that having recently happened. So we watch him like running up to the front of a church service where somebody has just had gemstones appear. Now these are not the giant ring popped style gemstones that we just saw. These are barely visible to the naked eye. Right. Right.

If you were going to marry a flea, this is the fucking gemstone that you would buy for them. Yeah, there might as well be a chiro at the bottom that's like, actually, you can buy rubies pretty cheap if you don't mind them weighing like half of a gram. Yeah. Right. And the narrator, he says, now you're probably thinking, how do I know these people are telling the truth? Well, I don't. You're like, yeah, right. No one does, in fact, because they're lying credits. But then he adds. He's got so he's got he's got he's got his counterpoint here.

He says, but everyone lying seems even more irrational than if they're all telling the truth. These lies are too stupid to be liars. Telling him that's actually the argument here of the movie. You tell me what sounds less likely. God has been manifesting gems secretly into the hands of people in South Florida or I met three liars. Exactly. He's like, and look, nobody's making any money off of this. I'm like, dude, this is literally their job. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha website. Yes. Yeah. And then we cut back to John Arnott of that Toronto laughing church.

And he goes, look, the Bible says that if you want to get into heaven, you have to be childlike. And what's childlike accepting dumb shit when people tell it to you exactly now you want to go to heaven or not. Yeah. At one point in this interview, he goes, you don't have to be gullible. And I wrote my notes, really man, you're selling magical appearing gold. You don't have to be gullible. And I wrote my notes. Really man, you're selling magical appearing gold. Yeah. I feel like gullibles right at the top of the list.

We meet this guy, John Pippo, I guess I don't know the pronunciation there, but he's with the Redeemer Fellowship in Monroe, Michigan, which I'm going to have to assume is a crazy ass church as well. He starts up trying to argue with us about what the word normal means. That's never a great time. Yeah, it sounds like Heath trying to explain his porn hub history. What are weird and norm weird? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's nonsense. It doesn't even make sense. It doesn't even make sense. Right. Okay. So, but basically though, if you're not buying his claims, that's on you.

That's the overriding point. At this point in the movie, he's like, you know, if the signs and wonders were real and I have no reason to believe that they weren't, I'm like, no reason at all. Huh? Just not a goddamn. None reasons. But he says, and this actually makes sense, right? And it's own twisted internal logic kind of way. He's like, look, if we take the stories about Jesus seriously and we claim that those are true, it's really hard to argue that these plans are too weird to be true, too.

Right? And I'm like, yes, that actually is correct. Yes. Right? In the wrong direction, but yes, you should stop pretending that the stories were like, Jesus took demons out of people and put them into pigs and shit are real things that happened.

Yeah, later on someone will say, either Jesus said we can do miracles or he's a liar and I just written my notes. Yes. Yeah, right. And then okay. And then we meet the bastion of credibility himself, Sid Roth of it's supernatural fame. Right. But this movie is so fucking lazy that the Kairan gets the name of Sid Roth's show wrong. It's, it's a supernatural rather than it's supernatural. Just thought that was fucking hilarious. Oh, Sid Roth. He's provided so much for our sister show the scathing atheist. He was like meeting a celebrity, right? I was like, oh, sorry, these, Sid Roth. He gives us a quote, Bible quote, it's first Corinthians 420, has nothing to do with weed at all.

Much bullshit. And then we get one of my favorite montages of all time, right? This is the montage of all these people at this church service claiming that God healed their minor aches and pains. Okay, what is the opposite of story topping? Hahaha. Yes, yes, we get a whole montage of story bottoming.

Yeah, every single one of them is like, you know, I had a melody, which is normally temporary. And now I don't. Okay. The opposite of story topping is Facebook. And that's what we're getting people testifying just to get attention because it's the only way they get it. Yes.

Just lie on Facebook like everybody else. That's how you get attention. Yeah. Right. And I have to, I have to point out this one quote here. I feel like this deserves mention. John Arnard, we cut back to him at one point. He's like, you know, God does all kind of weird stuff.

You never know how he's gonna handle things. He says quote, maybe God's way is using flamboyant teenagers. End quote. So we're an example, John. I feel like that is a start a criminal investigation level of weird example. Yeah, it feels real middle of the conversation. Also, can I talk about my favorite testimony from the liars?

Oh, please. My favorite is the lady who explains she had next surgery 14 years ago. Yep. And then shortly afterwards, she got in a car accident 14 years ago. And now it's gone 14 years.

Yes, yes, exactly after a regiment of physical therapy and some medicine and time. All right, so then we shift to Yale University campus, which I'm gonna go ahead and say it, exact opposite of whatever church we were just in. Right? It was just the opposite place on earth. And this is where we're going to

meet Jason Westyer field of kingdom reality ministries. He's on Yale's campus scream offering miracle healing to everybody that walks by. Okay, this is great. Credit to Yale students for just being like fuck your face. What are you talking about? So much. I wrote in my notes, oh man, we're just watching this guy fucking suck at busking. Sir, sir, ma'am, if you do this guy, I wrote in my notes, oh man, we're just watching this guy fucking suck at busking. Sir, sir, ma'am, do you need some magic healing? And they're like, no, no, I'm studying real healing at this IVO school where I go. Yes.

So no. Oh, and let me tell you, as somebody who's done a little busking, this is the first time this guy has ever done this shit, right? He doesn't know what he's doing. He's obviously talking in his inside voice. He looks sad and dejected like right away way too soon. He's apologizing.

He's he walks up. Yeah, it's fucking amateur hour. Yeah. Also, like based on the way the students are reacting to him, you know that this guy is this campus's crazy person. Yeah. Every college in America gets one crazy person. Mine was a little person who directed traffic without permission, right?

It was a fun, it's a fun thing for each college around the country. And this crazy, I will heal you with my magic. Jesus, Jesus powers. He is that for Yale. Yeah. No, they're treating him like a statue that nobody remembers who that dude is. Yeah. He fails so badly at this with all the Yale people. And then finally, we watch him be like, hey, you right there, you look like not a Yale student. Perfect. Right.

We need to talk. And he gets this lady to come over to him. He's like, would you rather be magically healed of everything ever in your entire body or get three dollars. Two seconds. And he's like, magical Jesus feeling exactly. And then we watch this, Jason Westerfield, we watch him be like, all right, you're gonna magically heal your body parts,

your back, your middle part, and all that that he actually has trouble improvising body part words. And he could, he names middle part and back and then he's like, you feel better in any of the body parts. I just named and she says, actually my sinuses feel better. He's like, sinuses also, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I called sinuses.

He could, and this starts with some terrible cold reading, right? He's like, you overweight 50 something year old woman who clearly smokes. Uh, I think that you have breathing problems in knee pain. And she's like, how the fuck did you know? Get out of here. You wizard. So he starts to pray for her. He says he asks Jesus to cover her in his blood and then come on to her, which is fucking gross

I mean, I don't know whatever you're into and everything, but that's just fucking gross He says during the prayer the wind blows a little. He says, oh, you can feel the wind blowing around you Now as I pray over you and I'm like relax man wind blows, right? That's it's whole fucking thing Again, this is very clearly this guy trying to do a shitty magic show. He's like, bring a wind. And then six minutes later, there's a little breeze. And he's like, remember, I said, I said wind. I said, wind.

It wouldn't count if there wasn't a wind, but it does count because there is a wind. So then we get, honestly, one of the greatest punchlines in the history of film here, Darren, the narrator, cuts in and he says, keep in mind, because the lady's like, oh, wow, I do feel better. And he's like, see, magic miracle Jesus. And she's like, yep, magic miracle Jesus. And he says, keep in mind, we just met this lady. We didn't know her.

We only met her when she came up to us asking for bus fare. Yep. All right. but only if you let me heal you for just two mentally ill people. Yes, ending each other. Yes. Three of you count turning on the camera. And then Jason sees a guy on crutches that he can harass. He gets a little too excited. He's like, oh, crutches, I mean, I feel the Lord calling me. And it's an African-American gentleman. So he starts practicing his African-American speak on his way up. He's like, what's up, dog?

What's up, dog? He definitely goes very heavy on the slang in a way that he was not with the old white lady early. It is uncomfortable. Yeah. Now, there is no one in this movie. Like maybe some of the starving people in Mozambique, but other than that, there is no one I feel sorry for more than this poor guy on Crutches who's just trying to abide

by the social contract that says do not slap this guy in the head with the penis at any point in this interaction, right? Because at any moment, he would be justified and just pulling on his dick, slapping the guy in the head with it and walking on. Yep. But he never does. Looks them gold appeared on your face, where he is. What's the hell about?

He says, he says like, hey, what happened to your knees? Like, oh, I got hit by a car and, you know, it's hard to walk. So I use these crushes. He's like, I'm going to pray for you and and I'm gonna fix your knee and the guy's like, all right, man, whatever. That's great. So he gets down on his knees, like he's gonna blow the dude.

He prays for his, like gets his hands all up on the guy's knee, prays for him and shit. And he's like, all right, so, so go, I think it's healed. Go ahead and move it around a little bit. I'm like, what? That seems like the basis for a lawsuit, no. What? But the guy's like, yeah, I mean, I was able to move it around a little bit. I'm like, that's, that seems like the basis for a lawsuit. No. But the guy's like, yeah, I mean, I was able to move it around a little bit before it's

the same though. Yeah. Just cut this part. Cut the part where the guy doesn't answer that I've been healed. Right. Cause they give away the whole fucking game, right? Because the next thing he's like, Oh, well, let's pray again. And so it very clearly becomes a, I'm going to keep doing this until you pretend to be healed situation. He's doing He's using the same technique my toddler uses to get me to not leave the house. He might as well wrap his legs around the guy Not until Jesus heals you. Okay, but my favorite part is while this is all happening a 10 year old walks by in the background Is like that's fucking dumb. What he does is true. The best. Can I say my favorite part? Oh, please. My favorite part is after he has healed him, quote, quote, quote, this very polite gentleman is like, that's my phone.

Brick, brick. He's literally, he has one of those cricket phones back in the day where you could just push a button and like, a walkie-talkie thing, and he just, to nobody, without touching anything, just goes, yeah, I'm on my way. Yep, I'm running a little late now. Yep, here I go. Here I come, Steve Fools. Jason's like, he's like, oh man,

so hey, why don't you try walking without your crutches and the guys like, all right, man. And he's like, very clearly limping and needs his crutches and Jason's like, you're healed. And he's like, yep, I'm healed. I need to leave now. And he's like, wow, what a miracle. Can I give you a hug?

And he's like, if that's the last part of this interaction, then yes, you can. Right. It was watching this that I knew without a question in my heart that at some point, this dude has pushed some unannounced wheelchair. That's a wheelchair. All right, do a backflip now. It's like, oh, so much for shit that we banned so much worse than it was.

Fuck. And then he's like, yes, God has absolutely healed you. Good bye new friend. And then the guy leaves still on crutches. Okay. You know what? I'm gonna choose to use these as I walk away from you for aesthetic reasons.

But yeah, this is all better leave me alone. All right. Well, that guy walking off still with the crutches is the peak of this movie, my career, and possibly my life. So I need a minute to bask in it. But we'll be back in a hurry with even more finger of God. Just a really bad edit and Kevin Spacey's walking away with no limpa.

Oh, I'm going to get the stuffed avocado. Yeah, that did look good. Excuse me, guys. Oh, I don't have any change. Uh, no did look good. Excuse me, guys. Oh, I don't have any change. Uh, no, not asking for any change. I'm asking actually just to, uh, to pray for people and I was wondering if I could pray for you.

Oh, uh, yeah. No, thanks. We actually don't believe in that stuff. No, you know what? The Lord believes in you, brother. Can I, can I deliver you some healing today? Oh, you're offering to heal people. Yes, yes, with the power of the Lord.

Actually, all right, you know what? That sounds great. Dude, what? I want to be the gentleman with magic healing powers is offering his services. Let's not be rude. So yeah, I have a bad shoulder. You want to start on that? Oh, you know, absolutely. Okay.

So Lord, please deliver on to this servant of yours, healing, healing of your blood. Lord, let him be healed. Let his shoulder be healed. How's that? It's better. It's exactly the same. Oh, just okay. All right. You know what? Let me try again. Oh, Lord, know that we're going to stay here and work on this as long as it takes to help our brother in Christ. Seems like he had dinner reservations, but I will be right here, praying even if it makes him late for dinner, unless you heal him. Alright, so how about now? No, same. And Lord, if on this the 455th prayer, you heal this man, I will also take him to an ATM and just give him all the money in my bank account. Yeah, nope, still exactly the same, didn't do anything.

Our reservation was like three and a half hours ago. Some things Eli are more important than food. I could eat. You're supposed to be healing me. Ha ha ha ha ha. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action by meeting Pastor Ian Andrews. He's British, therefore, very credible.

Very credible. He tells us the story of this time. He saw two eight year olds miracle, a dying lady's heart into a brand new heart that worked just fine. Yeah, he explains that her heart was pumping bad out and that was killing her. And I wrote my notes, whoa, whoa, whoa, not so much with the science there. He also said that when they put their hands on her, there was gold dust there and I was

really hoping he was going to say, fuck wrong miracle. Yeah, right. All right. Just your family wants some worthless litter. No. Yeah, it was her heart, also her diabetes, her back. Yes. Heal turn of 59 pounds is exact words.

Yeah. And then nobody's impressed. And he's like, also the gold Dust thing is in that happened too. So to be clear, in reality, this guy made some lady just lay there while random kids put their disgusting, sticky fucking kid hands all over body. Right, exactly. And then some, some, you know, gaffer put Gold Dust on a dick. Weird.

Yeah, it's like, it's like how I make you guys come to my filthy house every time you're in the tri-state area, right? And you all just have to sit there and pretend not to see the roaches and the bloodlines and whatever else is going on in my home. It's the miracle version of that. I love to how he can't stop once he started, right? Like, because it's got a bit, it can't just be the new heart. As he says, and I quote, you have the heart of a 30 year old athlete that's very fit.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really wanted to be like, please give that back that we were the most alone. I just love that he added that's very face like, because I've been to, I'm not talking about a fucking bowler, okay. Or a fucking pool player.

I'm talking about a fit athlete, damn. A good, we get a real one. And then we talk about eyeball girl. Yes. What's wonderful about these miracle claims is because you don't need any medical training to be a bullshitter. The previous condition can be absolutely insane

and nonexistent. So in this case, for eyeball girl, she had no eyeballs. Then they gave her dead people eyeballs, which they filled with easy cheese. Silicone. Yeah. Silicone. Yes. But they miracle to me to realize that worked in everything. Okay. And then they admit their terrible stats here too. It was like, yeah, we had a thousand people in a miracle line. And one thing, one lady's glass I turned into like cheese or real.

Honestly, this was really just a bad. Badding average of zero zero one is what they're bragging about there. Yeah. That's so why wouldn't God do better? God's like Michigan J. Frog with like occasional miracles. That's all you get. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. And then we go back to Bethel Church and we introduced the church itself. And this is, I think, the first time that we all realized we were dealing with Christian hogwarts. Yeah. I was so fucking excited. These idiot liars claim to walk through walls among other things. Yep. That's an actual Christian magic. They think that like I guarantee you there's a cutscene from this documentary where whatever

is name is like, oh, you can walk through it. Yeah, definitely do that. And some guy from Christian Hogwarts is like, all right. Here we go. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. They soak up the magic of dead people from graves. Yes.

The grave soaking. And my favorite story actually tangentially related to this show, Eve was framed who was actually on the show. She went there. And when they were doing the penny sticking to the wallstrick, she and her roommate were like, okay, well, does it work if we pray to Marvin the Martian? Yep, just human in Florida. And that's how the journey of her becoming an atheist began.

Nice. So, yeah, okay. And these are, of course, also people who violated COVID protocols and tried to like pray with people and heal them in hospitals during the pandemic without wearing face masks and stuff. And it's all around. It's a horrible institution that takes advantage of kids.

And we're gonna watch that for the next 20 minutes or so. We watch basically we watch the kids go out and try to force heal people. Yeah, right? These are the, I don't think they're totally shut eyes, but I think there is closest we get to shut eyes in the movie. Yeah, because like we're watching them cold read

on themselves, right? It's like, I'm getting a vision to go to a place with walls. None of them have walked through a wall, so they have to know they're lying somewhat, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And the stories they tell are so obviously embellished, right? They know that they're just playing along with the lie as well. Right, the one kid, he's like, you know, we went into me and my brother. We went into the video game store and there was a

kid who'd heard his risk skateboarding. It's a very youthy story. Everything's very youthy. And we prayed for him. And suddenly he started doing backhand springs. She says, he says the kid was playing a role playing slash chess game. And I wrote my notes, relax man, we get it. You don't know what to do. It's a real playing chess. Okay. So yeah, and then we, we, we, we, he tells us the story of the time that they miracled a homeless guy that had been mute since birth. They commanded the mute man to speak and he said the name of Jesus. Yep.

They found a mute beggar, who was also a three-legged puppy. And then right after they tell their stupid mute beggar story, some guys like, I fixed the guy's finger. And I feel like they should have let him go first before the mute beggar. So learn your build assholes. There's also this great moment where the one kid who didn't get the

memo that they're just making shit up has his turn and he goes, yeah, there's a screw I met and her shoulder was messed up. So I prayed and it didn't work. So I did it again and it also didn't work and I did it again and it didn't work and I left and I was really bummed. But then later, I talked to someone who talked to a friend of hers that told her that it did work. Lisa had said that, Craig said that the magic of Anga, and he talks like a five-year-old telling you the story. And then I prayed, and God, and Jesus, and I talked there. What's amazing is what very clearly had to happen is that this guy was like, all right,

we have magic powers. Magic, magic. Nope. Okay. And then one of his liar classmates had to be like, I got this one guys. Hey, guess who just texted me, buddy? Yes, exactly. Like, he's telling me a bit that failed in a live show.

Wasn't that bad? Oh, no, I think they that bad. I know I think they got hurt some show. I also learned that my evangelical cousin may or may not have been in this movie and at Christian Hogwarts. Like 50 50 it's like a really close double kangaroo. My fucking wow. Jason clearly lying. Oh God, one of the kids goes, yeah, you know, some people think Christianity is boring, but to be fair, they don't know about the superpowers that we have, the wall walking and stuff. Yeah.

And let's just pull back the curtain a bit and talk about this because the reason these teenagers are pretending they have magic powers is because the idea of eternal paradise is boring to them, right? My soul is saved and I shall sit next to the right hand of Christ as he pulls the sword from his mouth to fight the demons of Satan in the final battle for the faint of humanity. Wasn't doing it for him. So they got to play X-Men. Also, also you didn't let me finish. Yeah. So, okay. So now we're going to follow the Bethel kids out on a night of healing.

I love the intro to this right because the narrator he cuts in and he says, you know, what I really appreciate about the Bethel kids is that they're just so bold. They'll just take their ministry to anyone at any time, regardless of what that person wants and needs in that moment. Yeah. And what they're interviewing the kid and the kid goes, yeah, it's really awkward because there's so much faith that I wrote my notes. Yes, it's the massive amount of faith that's making you approaching people at the mall and asking to pray for them awkward.

Oh, the drive over here, we get maybe the best line in the movie, right? Because the one kid's talking about, oh, you know, we do a lot of miracles. You can be amazed at some of the stuff that we see. We won't see any of it tonight when your camera's running, but in the past, though, and in the future. And the passenger kid says, yeah, man, something happens every time we pray, sometimes it's invisible, and sometimes it's after we've left. That's an exact one.

Sometimes it's before. It's a dancing frog, fuck you. The time dimension. Also, I just did like a movie making note. I know people sometimes are like, oh, should we watch it? Should we not watch it? Assuming you can get iTunes on your computer,

I absolutely think you should watch this fun thing because it's so goddamn crazy. But at one point, the filmmakers trying to keep up with them while they like hit on this girl and try to heal her from not getting along with her stepdad. But he appears to be dropping the camera while doing it like he can't get the camera to shoulder. Oh, it's a soccer, Chuggle. Yeah. It's disgusting. Yeah, it's just, it's nauseous. The whole way out there. And yes, they go, they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to go pray. We're going to go straight to the cold stone creamery. And we're going to see if there's any attractive young women about our age that would like

to pray with us. And that's exactly what they do. Oh, one of them says at the end, he's like, I want to find some sick people. Do you think there's an Eli in the group that like they've had to have a talk with because he's just like, Oh man, we could better go back to Cold Stone again. I feel like the Lord is coming. This is like your sixth coast, don't you? The Lord is telling me that the Taco Bell. Yeah. We need to hang out in red in California and get like healed by these people. We really do. We really do. So then Bill cuts in and he explains that there are two kind

of people in the world, people who believe him and people shunned by God that suck and he feels sorry for. He says, and you know, look, this is funny. It's hilarious. It's silly to watch and everything, but it's also dangerous as fucking bill reminds us of that right here because he says look you know this is a thing that's worth paying any price for yep right there magical healing which means and we saw this play out in a pandemic violating any health warning over violating any law for yeah traveling wherever you need to trap right this is a fucking commercial and that's really important because you need to travel, this is a fucking commercial. And that's really important because you gotta remember this guy opened his documentary

with they're not making any money. And meanwhile, this guy is like dial that number at the bottom of your screen. Right, yeah. It's exactly come to my fucking Christian school where I'll unlock your superpowers but nobody's making any money out of this. Yeah.

He reminds us not to be skeptical, God hates it when you're fucking skeptical. Very important. Yeah. And reminds us not to be skeptical, got hates it when you're fucking skeptical, very important. Yeah. And then he's like, look, healing amputees is fine, right? And that's very real. And we do it. But if you think about it, it's really about turning people Christian. So, yeah, you know, if you ever come here and and all I do is turn you Christian. That's the real miracle. And this is where the documentarian guy is like, okay, I started wondering at this point because I saw all this. Am I just a documentarian?

Where is it bigger for me? I might be Spider-Man too. Yeah. And we might call him Spider-Man. Dude, I'm magic too. And this is we cut back to Shara, who we met briefly before. She stayed missionary in Mozambique, right? And basically what she has to say here is, look,

if you think the bullshit is heavy in the States, wait till you see what they're doing where there aren't cameras, it is. Yeah, some pro-level shit. Right. Yeah, no, she assures us there's way more magic in Mozambique where it's not as easily documented or disproved.

So, okay, so now we're gonna meet author James Rutz. Very briefly, he's the author of mega shift, a 2015 book about how the entire world is gonna change. And he's second now, it's gonna be so much more Christian. Just keep waiting, everybody. Keep waiting. And he tells us the quote, very well documented story, end quote, of this month from Myanmar that came back to life after being dead for three days and told everybody that Buddha was

in hell and they needed to be Christian instead. Buddha and all their friends are burning in fire. Yeah. And he tells this story like, isn't that not like he's told you like the fox and the grapes, right? Like, it's funny. And then I love how he can't help but PS is lie. He goes, and it's actually illegal to be in possession of the tape of what he said in Myanmar.

Really? That's why I don't have it. Hey James, just real quick, you said very well documented. Which documents then would you say that you have cut? Can we cut them? Yes, it's in my book, which there are many copies of. A lot of documents. Did a lot of documents. A lot of documents.

You stack those on top of each other, the amount that it's true in inches is pretty good. So then, okay, so then we check back into that Iraqi priest, negotiator guy. Yeah. Right. And he starts just telling us all these silly lies about all the people, all the Christians that he baptized in Saddam, who say in the old swimming pool. I don't, all I can say is like, you ever have a friend who was ROTC, who somewhere along the line just started telling you crazy lies

about how he killed Osama bin Laden. And you don't have a, this is the guy who that friend is like, I had this one guy who was totally full of shit. Let me tell you. No, I wrote, my notes, this man is inches away from telling us about a conversation that he had with poop, right? That's the kind of conversation we're going for here.

We also meet very briefly this guy, Elmer. He's a missionary in Costa Rica. He's the one who experienced the moist of the Holy Spirit. Okay. Noah said that correctly. Yep. Yep. He explains, he's like, God made the floor wet.

Yes. Explain that. The floor was wet in Costa Rica. In Costa walls were wet in a room that was overcrowded with people breathing real hard in the most human God damn place on earth. Explain that. A thing was it rainy season by chance. That's a little point.

Was you shut the fuck up? How about you just shut the fuck up? And then so and Ian shows back up. Last time we talked to him, he was telling us about eight year olds, given people new hearts. Well, now he's got an even better story about a bunch of three year olds that healed a whole bunch of blind people one day. Yeah, and there's a lot to it because he goes, he says that the three year olds went right for the blind guys, which you're not supposed to do.

Yeah, what? And the implication there is like, you're not supposed to go for blind people because it's very obvious they're still blind, but you know, three year olds don't know that. If you just tell them, like, let's heal people, they'll go for the blind people the way we don't. Well, and so we should point this out to because it's already come up a couple of times and it'll come up again as well. In this sort of charismatic tradition, there's this idea that when you do these healings, you have children do them, right? Children will lay hands on

the people. So, you know, in one sense, it's a way for the healer to be a little bit humble. Oh, I didn't do it. The children, the Christ through these children did it or whatever. It's also a way to shift blame as well, right? Like, I guess the kids didn't do it well enough, but it's also a way to give these kids a really fucked up complex for the rest of their goddamn lives, right? Over and over again in this documentary, we'll either see children or we're here, people

talk about, you know, bringing in the children to heal the sick and the week and everything. And whether or not they're quote unquote successful in their efforts, that's going to fuck a kid up psychologically. Yeah. That kid's going to go somewhere else and try to heal a not plant deaf person, somewhere else. Yes. And be like, oh fuck, yeah, I'm shitty at magic. Also, hey, maybe, maybe there might be opportunities

for healing powers for children and poor villages in fucking Mozambique. And when you're not there with your Western placebo effect to make it feel real, that might be, I don't know, horribly tragic in its consequences. Right, or if I get some kid killed for being a fucking witch, there's all kinds of ways this can go wrong and none in which it can go right. They might spend tuition money at Christian Hogwarts later in the day.

Yeah, exactly, right. That's super funny. So, yeah, I support that part. Yeah, no, that's extra. Fuck that kid. Yeah, I support that part. Yeah, no, that's that's true. Fuck that kid. So and then we get my best worst Sharah cuts in to tell us about this one time at this this church service in Malawi She says, you know, Jesus Christ himself showed up at the service and he was walking down the aisle and on on both sides to his left and to his right People were just falling down with healing power and it's on tape.

She says, and I quote, it's on tape and Darren cuts in. And he says, you probably thinking, I don't have that tape. You probably don't think I'm about not to show you that fucking tape, but I do have that tape. Let's watch footage of Jesus showing up in Malawi. Now listeners, I gotta tell you, it's lazier than what you're thinking. It's so much lazier. You're thinking of Eli and a Jesus

suit. So what that? But the director of vultures of horror is standing there going, this is not good. Because because apparently Jesus is like a vampire. He doesn't show up on film. So we see invisible Jesus walked down the aisle. We just see people Watching video of not Jesus Jesus being there. It's amazing. Oh, people pretending Jesus walk by and dare in the whole time is saying, huh? just woke by and Darren the whole time is saying, huh? How about that? Very isn't fun fact. Jesus actually showed a bit Eli's parmits for if you watch that video in the exact same way. Weird. Also, why is Jesus moshing through this crowd?

Why you got a nike, a bunch of mother fuckers. Jesus is a fellow IBS serve sufferer. He was trying to get to the bathroom. It was terrible. Oh, that makes it. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah, no, but that's his that's his Trump card. He builds this up and everything. He's like, there you go. Jesus, but invisible. Okay, so then we had to China to see what kind of miracles God is going to toss out there. This is where we meet Dennis Balkham. He's been a missionary in China for a number of years and he's seen a lot of really impressive undocumented miracles in his time as well. I know undocumented. We're about to get some footage that's pretty special. Well, it's amongst the rarest footage on earth.

The rarest footage on the planet. I believe the word he uses is the rarest footage on the planet, right? Yeah. He says that to be clear, that everything where there's one tape is tied for rarist things with zero things that don't have footage are rare. I suppose. This is his Werner Herzog not showing us the inside of the cave. So yeah, he says, you know, in in China, it's illegal to have church and have these underground

churches. Well, sort of, and I've got footage of this is amongst the rarest footage in the entire universe that ever has or will be, and here it is. And it's just like groups of Chinese people clapping. Yep, right? Also, like, I know that Christianity 99% of the time is lying when they say that they're being oppressed in a place, but you probably don't want to publish the faces of people in an underground church in China. The entire time I was watching this, I was like, I don't feel like that lady didn't know you were going to make a fucking documentary and put her face on iTunes.

Yeah. Okay. Now this is officially not the rarest footage on the planet, because there's two. There's at least two. It's in the documentary and where he started. Right. Yeah. And he just docks to a bunch of Chinese Christians. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And there's this one shot where there's this lady dressed as a boat

running in circles. And he feels, he feels that he'd cut in and he's like, see, this is how it's sometimes when you are a Chinese Christian church, you have to dress like a boat to get everyone's attention. Well, they start, he says they, they start with the show and then they cure people's AIDS. Right. You know, a sort of a warmo, I feel like the AIDS curing would be enough. You would think of a warmo, you know, maybe, maybe they could clap and yell show time. I've seen that. That's very successful.

Jesus Christ, these, like, and here you see Christians casting demons out of a teenage girl. And I'm like, I'm so much more okay with China oppressing them now. Right. You that you've showed me that footage. A lot of this footage makes you go like, I mean, I you could break that up a little bit. It doesn't. At one point. And again, I'm seriously worried for these people. It's like, this music school is pretending to be a music school, but

secretly they're training a bunch of pastors. Here's their address. This is a Sunday school where non-Christian kids are getting tricked into being religious and it's on this street. Yeah. But isn't this guy's point who introduces this Dennis Balcom or whatever? He's saying that Christianity is crushing it in China because of the persecution. Right. That's like a positive to him. Yeah, sure. They're getting persecuted so good that it's spreading.

He gets to go home. Yeah. Right. He's like, Hey, Dennis, the government's here to murder everybody at that preschool. And he's like, oh, shit, back to Michigan. Yeah. What am I, Britney Grimer? No. I was just thinking like, all right, we'll persecute you here in the US.

That's, I messaged received. I feel like that's fair. Yeah, right. That's fair. Happily. That's fair. And he goes on this long list. He tells us about all the awesome miracles that he's seen and or heard about.

Right. There is an interesting moment though where Dennis says he's like, you know, I think that the church should just shut up about abortion and gay rights and just preach the gospel. And I'm like, wow, you're half right. I have to see when he said that I said, look at us agreeing on half of stuff. And now we're going to meet and amazingly we haven't yet met the worst person in this movie. Oh, by a landslide. Yeah, this is, we're going to meet Heidi Baker. She is a missionary in Mozambique as well.

She's a healer, and we meet her, well, first, so she's going to introduce us to the story of Francis, the African guy that was resurrected after being beaten to death by the power of Jesus. And you have seen more convincing Al-Qaeda hostage videos than Francis telling this story of the time he was risen from the dead. Yeah, right, right. He's like, yeah, man, I was jumped by four guys and I went to the hospital and they said, pretend that you died.

And I mean, and then I died. Yeah. Uh huh. And now I have a job here at the church. I think and they'll never fire me as long as I say this. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And in a country with a 90% unemployment rate. Yeah. So so he came back. He was beaten to death. They took him to a hospital like you do with people who are dead. And they brought him back to life. I'm sorry, God brought him back into life, co-incidence that he was in a hospital where there were doctors and shit. And then when he woke up, he said, don't press charges against the guys who beat me, I forgive them very Christ-likely. And the cops were like, yep, no laws, that's fine. Yeah, you just called backsees. So yeah,

I guess murderers roam free. Right. And he's healed because he forgave his attackers, right? By God. Well, he's brought back to life and then he's completely healed. He has no bruises or anything after he forgives the guy. Right. So to be clear, God's plan was to have that guy beaten to death brutally, but then come back so that he could start a documentary 20 years later to get the message out. That's the plan. Yes. That was it. Also, this place gave a stat here too.

They were like, we have resurrected over 100 people in the last seven years. So like a little over, they don't have a ballpark estimate. Right. If it was 104, you don't know that it's 104. What the fuck? Well, so one guy we resurrected twice in the same night. I don't know if that counts as one or two. So we just, we estimate, you know, just so that we can. And I told Larry not to execute not to resurrect someone on a leap here, but he just got to stop himself. So also, I just want to point out that this guy's telling his story, this guy, Francis in

most ambeac. And then the husband of Heidi Baker, whatever Baker, the white guy who is a missionary being a con man in most ambeac, running a church is like, right, shut the fuck up. You're telling the story wrong. Then the God of the Bible, who I told you about, healed you. Yes. Okay. You could tell the rest now.

And this is Roland Baker, by the way, I just, I want to make sure that we name him while we have the opportunity. But yes, and believe it or not, this movie actually does have a higher gear to shift to. So we're going to pause for a second. Let me prepare yourself for that. But first, let me give you an act through the hard cell. Were you not thinking of a red card? Can you even afford not to buy one?

When did you stop beating your wife? By now the answers to these questions and more, will we return for the wildly bigoted conclusion of finger of God? Hey there, dirty poor person Well, I don't love that approach, but I guess you are the cleanest person I've seen in like four months So yeah, hey, what's up? So how would you like to watch a movie? Yeah, I don't get a lot of those around here, so sure yeah, it's a very important movie

Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna judge the content. It's just a picture that moves. That'll be plenty for me. And we have food. Oh, love that. I don't, I don't have enough food. There's just one little catch though. Hmm. Is that what, what's that? Yeah. So you see that white lady right over there? Oh, the one who looks like a witch dropped an expired coupon on a one star Yelp review into a cauldron put it into a cauldron Yeah, that's her she's gonna come over and say something's wrong with you and you just say yes no matter what and she's gonna say She cured that and you say yes you did because otherwise she'll stop bringing movies and food I'm barely surviving. Okay. I have little to no education in my village regularly gets rated by rapist child soldiers. So yeah, man, I'm happy to fake a bum leg. Great. Okay, glad to hear it. Yeah.

Yeah. So, um, yeah, glad you're not a big whiner about rape either because that, I mean, yeah, that is a major problem for us as well. Let me tell you. Yeah, no, I figured. is a major problem for us as well. Let me tell ya. Yeah, no, I figured. This sketch is kind of a bummer. Yeah, well, also it's true. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with Darren introducing us to Mozambique's crushing poverty, right? Pretty depressing. Yup. Yeah, just described like suffering, millions of people, a lot of poverty, also though, several people got healed in this one village where we went. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. He's like,

you know, it's a 90% unemployment. And like people starve to death all the time. And they had to lay lack basic resources. These lucky motherfuckers, though, God is just constantly raising dead people and carrying the deaf. Yeah. But just a little bit right that like God doesn't have the spoons to make it all happen in the world. Right.

Can I just say that the unemployment rate feels like a weird thing to track in absolute poverty. Like who's walking up to that guy being like, hey, smudgy man holding a dead chicken. Do you have a job? What do you do for a living to W two or self employed? Oh, you mostly just run from the rape bandits run from, I don't have that many squares in the form. So we're runner. So but we really started to talk about Heidi at this point and Heidi is fucking awful, right?

Unbearable. Yeah. So she's like, you know, well, you know, I go to these different villages all over Mozambique and I'll show them movies and I'll heal them and I'll tell you, you know, I constantly heal deaf people, a lot of deaf people that I heal. Just can't stop healing deaf people. And I'm writing them my notes. It's like, it's so weird because like one document in case of you doing this, you know, would end atheism. Yeah. And all the other religions it would save all the souls

on earth, but you only do it and remote, my most ambiguous village is so so weird. Love it. If you could go to like a fucking city at least where there's more people. Right. Come on over to Jersey Pity come come do some deaf healing in Jersey. Yeah right here I got a camera on my phone and everything will film you girl well And her husband cuts in right and he's like, you know a lot of people are really uneasy at the thought of miracles And it's like no man. No, we're uneasy at the thought of you taking advantage of earth's poorest fucking people is what we you know It's like when you know when when we complain about them

Trying to put kids in conversion therapy and and they'll say stuff like a well who could possibly be mad at kids, you know or whatever No, that's not what we're fucking mad at you terrible evil fucking shit people. Yes, and he's not even talking about like us He's talking about the fact that regular Christian con man. Look at his grift and go like, I don't know, man, that sounds an awful lot like the evil ist thing I could possibly imagine. I think I'll stick to here where I just trick people, you know, with fake diamonds and gold dust on their deck. You're a little much for me. Oh, Darren cuts in. He's like, look at these kids. No play stations, no cartoons, just God. And I'm like, yeah, I feel like they trade him even for a playstation, though, right? Darren, these kids would slice you open and

cook every rotten organ in your body if they knew who and what you were. Oh, they almost do. It gets close. Yes. Cause we, this is the shot where, this is my best worst where we see Heidi sitting on a couch, giving her speech and she's like, these kids love all the miracles, right? Kids and we watch these, there's three kids in the shot, just blanks there, furious at her. They hate this lady. Right. And she keeps trying to like make up for them hating or by having more kids. Like every time we're going to cut to her, she will have more kids on this little couch with her.

It reaches triple proportions of this or anything. It's fucking, and they all, every one of them hates her more than the last one. But then, but then, for exactly 1.3 seconds, we meet the hero of this documentary, someone that only he that I saw, thick little kid doing the running man. There's a really fat kid doing the running man for no reason and it's awesome. It's a really good dancer. He's the best. So yeah, so we get a quick clip of him, quick enough that I missed it. Yeah.

And then we had to do a Muslim village that had, quote, never heard the name of Jesus. And I'm like, how could you verify that you would have to use the name of Jesus to ask him if they'd heard of it? This is Schrodinger's mission right here. Isn't he in the crown? He sure is. Yeah, he sure is. He totally is.

Yeah. And they're like, so we went to this village. I followed Heidi to this village. It's so remote that women have to walk 10 hours to get water. And we brought a movie instead of water. We brought them not water. And then we see her grip did action. And it's so awful because they're being so blatant.

And that's why I think that Darren might really just not know about the Griffith because there's a lot of this shit you wouldn't show if you did. Yeah, exactly. Oh, is this the deaf lady? Yes. Okay. This is insane that they didn't realize what was happening. He's like, yeah. So we're pretty sure there's a deaf lady somewhere in our big crowd. And Heidi was get up, she gets up on the stage. And she's like, I understand there's a deaf lady, deaf lady, deaf lady, deaf lady. Hello, deaf lady, what are you, deaf? I'm chronically Heidi did not hear it when she said,

Nope, yeah, cause deaf. And basically, what Heidi ends up saying is, if there's not a deaf lady, we're taking our movie and food and going home. Yeah, so this one lady kind of shuffles out of the crowd being like, I'm deaf. I'm deaf. So yeah, but this one lady comes up and she goes, I'm deaf.

I mean, not sign language, you know, whatever. And so she gets up on stage and Heidi's trying to figure out her name. And at one point, the sign language interpreter leans in. We can see the woman whisper her name to this man. So he's like, the deaf lady says her name is I am. So she's poking him in the ear with sign language to make it look real. That's how you whisper and sign language. You put your hands in their ear. Oh, that's it. So speaking of poker in the ear, Heidi wet will ease her

at this point. She literally like sticks her fucking fingers in her mouth and then into this lady's ears and they pray for they bring a bunch of kids up to pray for her. And they're like, yeah, she's healed. She can hear now. No one in the crowd is remotely impressed. Yeah, it's bad magic. They're like, Hey, I'm in Mozambique. I'm starving. This is the most exciting thing that's happened to my village in months. Lame. Yeah. Your magic trick is lame. Well, and it's so lame that Darren feels the need to cut in and assure us that what we saw was way more impressive than what we just saw Right, he cuts in and he's like she will finally hear for the first time in her life. She will finally hear the sunset

No, that's not how it works. You know what I mean though, right? Right, and then we cut to fucking Debbie some more and she explains that oh This is why she's the worst kind of lady and there's this this woman in every church, the like, I'm so filled with the spirit horror show. Yeah. Right. And she sits there to explain to us, she's just one little lady in the dirt. Hey, I don't think that the people you serve love in the dirt as your descriptor of our homes and your work with them. Oh, God, we could, we cut back to her in the village and she's, she's got to heal some people now after the movies over or whatever. And she's got this kid, this is such a half ass job.

She says, this young man who can't speak English and say otherwise to you right now has whole body pain. Everything from his chest down hurts and it always has. Why not just pick a real fucking thing in the world, but no, she says that and she's like, bring some kids over all lay hands on them. We're all going to pray for him or whatever. We're all going to lead him in a Magical and then she assures the kid that he's healed. Again, he seems entirely unimpressed by this.

Well, yeah, the first try doesn't take it And we watch her get mad and they have to cut. And then she's like, oh, no, I brought magical, some kids to touch you now. And this will work now or else we keep doing this. Also, it's just a tiny moment, but the kids get into mini. I'm the one who gets to heal him fight when she brings over.

Yes. Who's like me and a heath fighting for Andrews chair and an ad No, good mine. I want that I want to touch the chest you touch. I'm doing the dick with the gold Well, and then there's this weird discord moment right where that where there is this yeah And it turns out that I can't write off my trip to Paris unless I put a few scenes from that into my movies. So this is the Eiffel Tower. This was almost my best worst because it's so lame. He's just like, after I went to Mozambique, I went to Paris because, you know, he's already

on a plane, right? And stop over the situation. If you do Errolingas, you could do the invisible cities website. And so, yeah, it's like two days in Paris for free. But yes, but on this way, he's he stopped by Notre Dame and he says, and I saw one thing that I thought probably pleased God more than anything else. It was a donation box for the poor and he shows it. And it's all like dirty and dusty and covered in shit.

And it hasn't obviously been touched for decades. So you can let that out. See, this is why God set that place on fire. Yeah. I get it. And then we check in on a Bulgarian orphanage for abandoned kids with birth defects and he's like, yeah, but that's depressing as shit. Let's talk about other stuff than that. I didn't find any miracles here. So, so weird that my healing powers didn't work. Now I just stopped into remind you that there are Bulgarian orphanages filled with real people just desperate for help they'll never get. All right. They really did. We do a section on slow words. Oh my God. Yes. And they do.

So he says, and then we decided to spend some time with the most hated group in all of Europe gypsies. And yes, this movie was made after that started to largely be considered a slur for Romani people. Okay. Well, whether or not that was already known to this guy for the next 20 minutes, like every 30 seconds, the narrator comes back in and he's like, yeah, everyone hates the hates. They smell bad. These people more on top of the stealing, I said, oh, the real, let me tell you a real jipper, who's here?

Oh, the old Jim, Jim, Jim, and he jippers. Did I mention that they love watermelons and they like to dance a lot. And they live in the hood. We call it the hood where they live. Yes. Yes. They sing real good too. Look at them soft. We actually watch them dancing. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. Just to be clear, he's not just making up stereotypically racist things to say they actually say we fed them their favorite meal, watermelon, quote, and boy, did gypsies like to dance? I wrote my nose. I'm like, one time, make it black. Do one fucking sentence of your entire move. You have to make it anything. Just listen to your own make it. Make it. Make it here yourself talk. No, don't do anything in that format of sentence.

I do like that these Romani who are very clearly wise to this bullshit are like nice free food. You guys want to have a party like they even turn off the Jesus music and are very clearly listening to their own music during the party. The Christians are basically unpopular kids letting the Romani use their house for a banger and they're like, yeah, look at us all, worshiping Jesus together and they're like, we sure are, buddy, gonna steal your camera. They steal, by the way, just to remind you. Yeah, he got to remind us that they steal their scout, or as much as scout. No, hate some all of Europe. I don't think I mentioned that earlier. Every person we literally

cannot communicate to you podcast listener. How often this guy comes in just to insult Romani. He's like, fucking smelly dirty. He ends this section by being like, it turns out the gypsies are humans too. And I wrote my notes, yeah man, not great that you learned that today. Yeah, seriously, all that happens end of the segment one more time, cannot stress this enough,

their thieves and scoundrels. Yeah. And then he's like, and God does miracles for these people. For them, can you fucking believe that? Yeah, that's how much God loves. Yeah, he even says at one point, he's like, you know, and you would think that we would be here, you know, raising money to help them out,

but no, we're taking their money. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it.

We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. We're taking the money for it. Is that? Oh, I don't know if I mentioned that. Probably gonna get you back. They love to steal. But so, but he accidentally admits that what they've done is they've gone in here and they've lied to these people and say that they're healing them. Right. Like, one guy comes up and he's like, yeah, I have a problem with my kidney and they're

like, ah, blah, blah, blah, blah, pray, pray, pray. Now you have a new kidney and the guys are like, are you sure he's like absolutely positive? And then they pass around a collection plate. They take $140 for these people who are living in just abject fucking poverty. Yeah, which he admits they are the poorest people in Europe. Yeah, they are the poorest possible people. And they were like, so cough it up everybody.

Yes, exactly. We did give you a new kidney. That sheepfet stew, which is everyone's favorite food. You cough it up everybody. Yes, exactly. We did give you a new kidney. That sheep fat stew, which is everyone's favorite food. It's weird that you all have the same favorite food by the way, but it's cool. Your favorite food, your collective favorite food ain't going to pay for itself. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. This is high on the running of the most disturbingly bigoted things we've ever watched. Yeah. Right. Like, that is a high bar to clear, but I think this movie may have cleared it. But yeah, so for, he's spent a week and a half hanging out with the Romani and just hate. No, he cuts in at this point to remind us that they're all a bunch of thieves.

Yeah. Okay. He can't stop. And then there's this amazing scene. We rejoined Heidi. We're in Turkey now. And Heidi is miracleing a half-blind Muslim lady and then arguing with her over whether Jesus or Mohammed just did the miracle. Well, this is actually a very interesting moment, right? Because what has

happened is Heidi is doing her white lady magic, right? She's like, Oh, Jesus, Jesus. And then the interpreter turns to her and says in her language, Hey, Jesus? She's like, oh Jesus, Jesus, and then the interpreter turns to her and says in her language, hey, Jesus did that for you, be our religion, right? Like he cuts through the bullshit and is like, hey, you're a Christian now. And the woman's like, no, I'm a Muslim. I'm a Muslim, you're not doing anything.

And so he gets mad and starts to threaten her. And Heidi has to pretend not to understand what's going on, because she's so smiley and filled with the spirit. At one point, the guy literally says, And Heidi has to pretend not to understand what's going on because she's so smiling and filled with the spirit. At one point, the guy literally says, I love her, but I want to train her about this woman. Yes. The interpreter says to Heidi, I love her, but I want to train her.

And Heidi's like, yeah, no, no, I'm not against referring to a fellow human beings who aren't our religion like that at all. No, that's, I agree with you about saying that, sent it's out loud. But, you know, I were being filmed right now. So, you know. Right, be cool. Right, he turns to her and he goes, you know, these Muslims, they're brainwashed.

And I'm like, in the wrong direction, you mean? Literally, yes. Yeah, so we watch that for a while, then Darren explains that, you know, healing isn't their only superpower. They also have super love, right? He explains that love is why God makes magic jewels appear and gold dust appear on people's penis.

It's all about love. Yep. Also, this is a little bit of a weird thing. Maybe it was just me, but it kind of sounded like a like a cricket snuck into the corner of this movie for this whole like giant montage at the end. There's this weird sound in the soundtrack that it seems like the band is just trying to play a round of the fact that the cricket's there now. Yeah. And incorporating the guy blowing the whistle while Steve Bannon's trying to give a speech out on exactly. Yeah.

Right. You're somehow being played off stage in his own movie. So yeah, so we get that and we get a montage of like talking head wrap up banalities. Right. We check in with we go back to Jason, Westerville, the guy who took the other dudes crutches earlier. So it's late one night. They're on the street for Jesus and we get what I guess Darren must have assumed was the best miracle he caught of all the miracles he got on film. This is their big closer. Yep.

This is the top. So he says, one night late at night, we're headed home and we come across this homeless guy and not just a little homeless, but all the way home. The way he taught, he's literally like, we meet this smelly old bum. He refers to him as a bum. He uses the word bum. So, you know the, the G word slur for the bromontic people, worse than that. Worse.

Yeah. Honestly, if he'd used the N word when describing this man, it wouldn't have been surprising. I would have been like, no, that's true. No, that's true. It fits with the pattern. Oh, that's why I had so much trouble red thing. It okay. Right. So he's got a homeless guy, very poor. I would have been like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And then they, so they say that, you know, like we agreed to give him money, but only if he would play along with our stupid prayer thing first and he did. Yes. They

literally, they're like, oh, yeah, we said we'd give him money, but we wanted to pray for him first. So they literally bribed him to let them do their religious bullshit on him. Right. And it's not just, they didn't just pray over him and hand him some money right they prayed over him then they made him like run up and down the block a couple times to show how healthy he was afterwards he went this is an African American gentleman being asked by two young white guys an old homeless African American guy being said oh well why don't you run up and down the street for your money a little bit? Yeah, do a little hoppery hop for us. That's what we're fucking watching and then and then The guys like I bet you don't even need the money now, right? Because we healed you. Yes, they stepped the guy So we can't tell if they stepped them or if the old guy was just like, you know what?

Fuck this. I'm leaving someone else will give me money for less. But yes, one way or the other, they give it, they send them on his way without actually giving him any money. And so and and Darren says at this point, he's like, you know, and I knew that homeless guy was going to be healed. And that was how I swaged the terrible guilt I should feel for being able to travel all over the world chasing stupid lies. Well, this guy sleeps on concrete and begs for money. So and that's it. That's where we wrap it up. That's where the movie.

Well, unless you want to count the post credits scene, did you guys stick around for the post credits scene? I had already uninstalled items. So he somehow found a CD of it to burn ritual. It's the credit for it. So yes, so the credit starts roll and then Sid Roth shows up and he's like, yeah, I like to make my interviews interactive. You want to make your interview interactive? Let me heal your listeners.

And so Sid Roth does his whole like he's praying for us and he heals our headache and he heals our back pain and he heals our neck pain. And I'm like, why aren't you doing the deaf people, man? I thought you could do the blind and the deaf and everything. Anyway, and then he says at the end, Sid Roth closes the whole thing out by saying, and now you are healed. Do something that you could not do before. Movie ends.

So it's magical. Stop watching this movie. Yeah, right. All right, so to wrap things up tonight, I want to put you guys in charge of this movie's marketing department. What should the tag line be? How about finger of God?

Oh, that finger. Paul, the, yeah, all right. Finger of God. That's just a rubber finger over your finger and it lights up. Eli's selling to little kids. I can see it. I'm, I'm absolved with guilt after watching this movie. I was thinking something like finger of God

because he's got to dig that shit out with something. Oh, anyway. We'll work out for much more. Well, that's going to do it for our review, a figure in God that is not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to tantalize you for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck.

All right, well, it was gonna be hard to top this week. So here's what I pulled out of my back pocket. Here's the description. And overzealous police officer kills an innocent man who relies on his faith to overcome many hurdles and struggles after God brings him back to life. We'll be watching, get ready for this title, I can't breathe, God forgive them. That's right everybody, it's the George Floyd murder from the cops perspective. What? Actually, yep. I can't breathe. God forgive them. So with that

to look forward to, I can't. We'll bring episode 386 to a person who closed once again a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the right should make a per episode donation of patreon.com slash God off in there by your early access to an entry version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review end help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the right-hand people, you can make a pre-episode of patreon.com.com. That's got to happen. And by your early access to an entry version of every episode, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review end by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.

If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows. This is GatingAid, the Acitation Data D&D-Mindless, and this kind of available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or send them out as suggestions, you can email Godoffelmews.gmail.com. Legal Services to the podcast or provide it by the law, if this is a P.N. Drittoris, Tim Robertson handles our social media, our theme song is written in the form of our RISEL on people. All the other music was written in the form by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heathen right now I'm the loose juice promising to work hard and earn all the check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. After reviewing the Zap Rooter film, it turns out, invisible Jesus Christ killed JFK. It just punched him in the back of the head. To the left. Bethel Church went on to murder people with lockdown violations. They did well.

Michael Marshall filled infinity seasons of Be reasonable with the cast of this movie. You're welcome, Mark. If I had been on those crutches, I would have been laying in the floor like just screaming in pain. Oh my god, no, I shouldn't have tried to move. Why? Why this god? Why?

My shoulder got so much worse. It hurts. Oh. Seriously, that scene played out in my head when they did the Starbucks thing where the idiots from Christian Hogwarts went to Starbucks, I was like, we need to go to fucking Starbucks in wherever California. We just need to walk around Bethel, California. Yeah.

I tried a nice look for like where the teenagers are hanging out. Yeah. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023. All rights reserved. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a ThetaStream LLC, Copyright 2023, all rights reserved.