God Awful Movies - 392: God and Salsa

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of God and Salsa, the story of a woman coping with her teen daughter's suicide and a screenwriter struggling to think of a way to shoehorn both god and Salsa into that story. --- This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/awful and get on your way to being your best self. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

This is okay. Imagine I'm a piece of chocolate and you want to put your hands all over it. Do you not know how chocolate works? I only get anyone who wrote this movie knows how chocolate works. No, I don't need you. Or I want a flash cut to the scene of her just being like, I'm sorry, I just had such a tough day and she's just rubbing her hands back and like watching her hands Yeah, we're the Hershey bar Yeah, she's keep turning up to places with like chocolate covered hands like a turkey. I'm sorry. I saw some chocolate. I couldn't resist

Not awful Movie Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you? This fine afternoon, sir. I'm 11. No, that's a whole new 11 years old. Interesting. Interesting. I am 126. And we're also happy to welcome back our most imperturbable guest massacres. He's the host to be reasonable. He's the co-host of skeptics with a K. He's the project director for the good thinking society. And he's also Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back, sir. Hey, guys, lovely to be here. I can't wait to do this show with you. And then I need to just rotate around the room doing different podcasts with other people. I think that's what we do around here. It's just slowly

rotate from one to another. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So let's put some context on these jokes here at Tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? Oh, so we watched God and salsa. It is a story of a therapist, a suicidal teen, and an ugly divorce. Oh, and the therapist sometimes goes to a dance class just sometimes, but it will literally never fucking matter in the family. No, no, not even a little tiny bit. The fuck won't it Eli? How bad was this movie? Well, if you love post-tragedy redemption stories, but wish you could realize with a slow and creeping terror that this is a thinly veiled excuse for an abusive dad

post this divorce, you will love this movie. I would say the best twist of a movie. I've seen a real talk. So I have to offer a bit of a content warning up front because like this is a movie primarily despite the name God and salsa this movie has nothing to do with God and salsa is just completely, you know, whatever fucking ancillary to the plot. It's really a movie about teen suicide. And but for the random and consequence, the salsa scenes, that is all that it will ever be about. So we're left with the choice of either doing a very clinical and respectful description of the movie or making jokes

about suicide. Now we're going to try to keep it classy and stuff, but they're fucking jokes about suicide. So just, you know, we won't be offended if you skip this episode. We get it. Yeah, I will. I will personally be offended. Well, we won't tell offended if you skip this episode. We get it. Yeah. I will. I will personally be offended.

Well, we won't tell you. Then I watched this for nothing. Yeah. I mean, he skipped this episode. So the list is conto. It's basically, go, God, please don't skip the episodes. It's off and it's easy. Jesus.

Trying to destroy our listenership, March. Fuck. Trying to feed my baby over here. I think you guys want to nominate this one for me the best of being the worst at. Yeah. So I've got to go best worth theme because this movie is basically God and spin the wheel.

It's come up salsa. This might as well be a production of deity plus noun studios. Sure. Yeah. And I hope you realize the amount of restraint that I have that I didn't go with best worst jokes that I had to leak from my script because we won't

get there. We would have felt that, but we won't anymore because those jokes are deleted. You and me both are. So I'm going to go with best worst scenes to transition straight to salsa dancing from. Yep. Cause again, this is a movie about suicide. So it'll constantly be like, and that's when my daughter took her life.

And then the very next scene is, every time without fail. Yes. And I am going to take best worst ages. I know some people watch these along with us. I highly recommend you doing it when it comes to this one. As you do, just whenever a character appears on screen, just pause. Guess what age the movie thinks that character is. You will never be right.

No, no matter what you're guessing, you'll never get it correct. All right, stunning. Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm wearing entirely the wrong shoes for a dance movie. So we're going to pause real quick while I swap them out. But I can flash with all the randomly stitched together scenes that are God and salsa. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. And then by tortilla chips. Yeah, man, possibly.

Hey guys, how's it going? Not great, man. Eli's on a 30 second radio delay. He is? Why? I don't know. I guess he just hasn't been feeling he's like his best self lately.

Okay, no, I can't understand that because when you're at your... Hi, Marsh. Hi. Yeah, when you're at your high marsh high Yeah, when you're at your best you can do great things But sometimes life gets you bogged down and you might feel overwhelmed or like you're not showing up in the way that you really want to Working with a therapist can help you get closer to the best version of you because when you feel empowered You're more prepared to take everything life throws you wait Wait, I thought it had to be crazy to go to therapy.

Not at all. And if you're going to give in therapy a try, want to try better help. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Wow, that does sound good. Where can I find out more? If you want to get

closer to the best version yourself, therapy can help. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% of your first month. That's better H E L P dot com slash awful. Oh, thanks, Marsh. What's better help? Okay. better help. Okay. And one two three four one two three four one. Excuse me. Can I have your attention please? I'm showing Jess Thomas and the right from producer this film. What's up? Oh well I just I hate to interrupt our salsa class but how would you guys like to be in a movie? And all of us? Yep. I mean, sure. What's it about?

Well, I'm so glad you asked. It's about a hardworking family therapist who meets a man who's evil and vindictive wife is trying to drive his children away from him. And throughout the course of the movie, we learn that he's actually just a really good dude trying to do the right thing is ex-wife is a total bitch. Okay, but yeah, sorry. how are we involved in it?

Yeah, we're a salsa dancing group. Yeah, right. Well, in the movie, the therapist discovers salsa as a way to deal with the tremendous emotional toll it takes on her to watch a great guy who didn't do anything wrong, be lied about by his fucking bitch, your next wife who's also fat. Okay, okay, okay. A lot of venom there. A lot of venom there.

Sorry, Jess. Jess, isn't your wife a next-family therapist? Yeah. Yes, she is. And didn't she find salsa during a difficult time in her life? She did, yes. And I'm not worried at all that people might find this film a horrifying but thinly veiled attempt at retelling the story of your divorce.

No, no, I am not worried about that. Oh, then we're in then, yeah. Yeah, totally. I hate my ex-wife. We know, man. We know. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a teenage girl suicide note. So sorry if you were hoping we'd be able to ease you into it.

But yeah, we get that we get some credits that like have the same production quality as the automated photo collages that my phone makes of my cats. Oh, yeah, it's sub eye movie level of title like the video from my grandparents wedding anniversary had higher production values than these credits. Also, the logo is God and Salsa. God and Salsa LLC. And I misread that as two separate things like they were claiming God as exec producer, which I thought was very boring. See, I was just excited that they created an LLC for this thing. They were like, they were ready for an industry to grow out of this. They'll be merged sequels.

So yes, so we're watching this mom and look, we get the voice over of this suicide note from her teen daughter and she's like, you know, devastated and everything. There's this moment we have to see her like lose her religion. So she has to take off her cross necklace and throw it across the room. But it has like a like a tiny little lobster claw on the back of it and she has like undo the end. There's like a long moment where she's like, Oh God, Damien, I thought I had it. Is it not quite get it?

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Heart to dramatically toss something across the room while you're also trying not to break your big clunky costume jewelry, dude. Right. Uh, gently set it down. It is huge. This, this cross is so large that flavor, flavor, flavor, dude. Right. Uh, gently set it down. It is huge.

This, this cross is so large that flavor flavor. Look at it and think, ah, that's a bit much. That's a much, come on. Oh, so can I talk about this daughter's suicide note? Sure. She opens with don't blame yourself, but the rest of the suicide note is like, okay,

but honestly, it's your divorce. But here's why it's your fault. Yeah. I just want to be clear. I've made a list of all the reasons I'm killing myself and you see I've actually put your initials next to ones that are your fault. That's initials next to ones that are my, but like, don't blame yourself. I just know that's supposed to go in the note. So, okay, so then we cut over to this kid Shane. He's gonna be one of our main characters. We meet him. He's a punk. He's vaping. That We meet him, he's a punk, he's vapin'.

That's how we know he's a punk, he's vapin' and we're in a hoodie. Yeah. Oh yeah, it's leather jacket, hoodie and vaping. And I thought, I wrote in my nose, could this character be any more of a Christian movie bad boy? And the answer was yes, he's wearing ripped jeans as well.

Yeah, I think it's all of the boxes. Yeah. So he's come into his house, mom and dad are scream fighting. They're having one of these weird like taking turns being the angry one fights. Did they have the same script? I felt like they had two different versions of the mom dad fight script, but they didn't figure it out until they were already rolling. Right? Right. You'll be like, you bastard, this is so like you only be like,

why would you say that right now? And you're just like, oh, almost related to the same conversation. Yeah, this fight is so confusing. It sounds like you're stood too close to NPCs in a game and they're both cycling through their dialogue options at the same time. Or if you've ever been like, there's two people and they're both on the phone,

but you don't realize that right away because they're facing away from you kind of thing. And just for a second, it lines up. Yeah, one of those type of situations, but they're fighting. They hate each other. Mom wants a divorce. Little sisters very upset by all the yelling. And this is when the mom says to him, don't you walk away from me? And then says the same thing again immediately afterwards. So we know that this movie had retic money, but they kept both lines in. So they didn't have retic and then cut the worst one money. So that's what we found the exact line that they had here. You know, we've found exactly where the budget is. A great example of how incongruous the

script is. The dad says at one point, if I'm a horrible husband and father, what does that make you? And she replies, not in a million years. Yeah. So dumb. And then we cut temporarily away from that. We see the lady from before with the with the suicidal daughter, this is Raquel. She's going to be our main character. And she's watching TV. Oh, sad late one night when a commercial comes on for salsa,

for like a dance class for salsa, that like dip. And it's very weird to cook, because it says, you know, late night movie classics will return and then it cuts to the salsa thing and it's a really jaunty salsa and it's a really weird transition. It's sort of like, shindas list will be right back after these messages,

da da da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, I think, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada,

Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, four 30 in the afternoon. There's an unused salsa class coupon on heat desk right now. They're using resting coffee cups and mics on. I feel like you and I know a different heat if you think that's something. She also watches the entire to the ad before she turns the TV off completely and discussed. And it's like, but now you'll never find what happens the little girl in the red dress. You've come here to miss. So, but meanwhile, back at the fighting house, dad comes into the kids room and he's like, Hey, you know, I'm leaving. Mom and I are getting divorced, but I still love you. And mom comes in and she's like, enough of this still loving our children, shit.

Lee. Now, this is where we're really going to dig into the main theme of of this movie which is that the dad is a perfectly good guy Who's a good person and did nothing wrong in the mom is terrible and evil in every possible fucking way and Anything you've heard to the country is a lie that she brainwashed the children into believing Yeah, yeah, exactly this Woody Allen and all those other innocent victims of brainwashing. I expected her to make a code out of Dalmatians at any minute in this room. Yeah, she was fucking awful. But dad, hope mom throws a drink in his face as he's going. He's like, okay, fine. I'll leave. And she throws a big drink in his face. Okay,

let me clarify the timing. Here he goes, okay, I'll leave. Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee. Because this actor is very clearly bracing to have a drink in his face. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And then she throws the drink in his face. And I joked in my notes,

oh, I really want the next shot to be her holding a full glass of liquor still. And it was, it literally was. 100% empty. And it was empty even after she throwed it in. It's like, no, can just refill glasses at whim. And we should point out two things about the actor that plays the dead. First of all, generally the acting in this movie is not terrible.

It's medium except the dad who is fucking awful and the younger sister who's a kid. And so I'm going to give her a pass. But like, well, I'm not going to give her a pass, but I'll give her more of a pass than the dad. And the other thing is is that he's allergic to the top five buttons on all shirts. Grouse is driving me mad throughout this film. The amount of this guy's chest that we see is disturbing. His nipples star in this film more often than he does.

It's ridiculous. There are more clothes, people and girls gone wild VHS's from the late 90s. Yes. Then dad is also, in case you're wondering how these actors were all gathered together, it's pretty simple. They go to salsa class with the guy who wrote and directed this film. It is the only thing all these people have in common. Okay.

Is that genuinely true? 100% true. I was like, how the fuck did this movie get made? So I did some Marsh level deep dive research. I was on people's Facebooks and I realized this dude just was at salsa class one night and he was like, I have all the casts I need right here because the only thing all these people have in common across their various levels of acting experience is they all train in salsa at the exact same studio and L. Amazing.

That's amazing. All right. So then we, we do do back to Rekel's childhood. I should point out she's not part of this family that's fighting, right? Like that's got in case that's confusing. Is she someone else that's going to get layered into this story later? But we've got to her like a flashback of her when she was a kid in our Salvador and she's walking to school with a nun, but a bomb goes off.

And that's pretty much all we get of that flashback now, but we're going to check back in on it later. And then we get Rekal, like modern day Rekal getting home alcoholically. Right. But it's it's Christian movie alcoholics. So it's bad because she's she's bought a bottle of wine. Even though she's clearly alcoholic, because she's got two other open bottles of wine

behind her that she's put stoppers in, because she's had a glass out of each of them, but there's still sort of three quarters for, but it's bad because she's now got three bottles of almost full bottles of wine and is there for an alcoholic. Yeah, you know, classic binge drinking, where you have a single glass of wine once a day.

Yeah, like the crazy movie makers realize that the biggest problem with alcoholism isn't the amount of booze that you buy if the amount that you consume, they're not addicted to the purchasing of alcohol. That isn't the issue here. It's not a hoarding kind of thing exactly. Walk into a wine shop and they're like, oh my God, you have a problem. You have such a problem. So she checks her fucking answering machine because apparently sometimes it's 1983 in this movie,

right? So she checks her answering machine and she's got a phone call from some lady at her church. So apparently she hasn't been back to church since she threw away that cross necklace in the opening of the film. And this lady's trying to talk her into coming back. She's like, hey, I texted you a video of Pastor John

given this great sermon on grief. I thought maybe you could listen to it 45 seconds at a time like littered throughout the remainder of the film, huh? Yeah. How does that sound? Do you want to listen to a sentence in a half of it at a time for the next two fucking hours?

Also, I feel like if you call someone whose kid just died and your main message is, so haven't seen you in church for a while. You're the bad guy. 100%. You know why you haven't seen her in church for a while. Relax. Okay. You're starting to make it look like our religion doesn't work and really like it if you'd stop. You know, there's two directions you can go about religion after a tragic loss and it seems like you're going the one that doesn't give us 10% of your income. Yeah. Life's so in the German. Right.

And so, and the, so she starts playing the pastor sermon, right? And the pastor's like, you know, sometimes it seems like there's no loving God out there at all. Sometimes in fact, your entire life and all of its specifics will be irreconcilable with the claim that there is a loving God. Who? That's a tough start. That's a tough start. You want to pause this and maybe pick it up later in the movie. Well, I mean, he's got a great answer, though, Noah, right? Which is, oh, right. How come the baby doesn't take a moment to be grateful about the candy in the first

place? Oh, see, I thought you were going to talk about the turn, turn, turn lyrics that he had. Oh, no, of course. No, yeah, we've obviously, we've got the ecclesiastes that people think, oh, God, why did people think this ecclesiastes passage is good? It's literally just time exists. There's nothing poetic. There's a time for hats and a time for boots. My son's super simple songs we listen to in the car. You better feel a philosophical work that ecclesiastes. No, I'm talking about the part where instead of doing the take candy from a baby part,

he's like, well, you know, maybe we should focus on the joy of a baby that had candy to begin with. And I'm like, I feel like you haven't really focused it on what the expression taking candy from a baby me. And that's your thing. I'm not at Cleesley Astax Court. You know, there's a time to weep, but then there's a time to dance.

It's not right, but we've got no idea where the passage of time in this film, but it does feel like she's still in that whole time to weep because my kids dead. That seems like a very reasonable thing for still be doing right now. Right, but based on that, she's like, I'm based on the strength of a time to weep and a time to dance. She goes to that dance class that she saw the ad for. She might as well say out loud, well, I have been weeping. So yeah. So she goes to the dance class that they have COVID protocols to get in. They check her temperature, right? So, you know, they're responsible.

I'm so glad they didn't delay the making of God and salsa because of the COVID-19 pandemic. You know, we lost so much to COVID and I'm so glad we didn't slow down the production of God and fucking salsa. And in fact, we don't know that they're checking a temperature. We just know that they've like bipped her forehead. I think they're checking for a sign of the beast. Oh, okay. You're allowed.

Interesting. Interesting. All right. So yeah, so we go into this salsa club. This is the first time we see salsa. Now, I want to, there's two people who are salsaing in this class that I want to single out. One is old white lady who's not really trying, right?

Yeah, sure. And she's awesome. But the best is gigantic lurch guy. He's huge. Gigantic lurch guy is the fucking best. I want gigantic lurch guy salsa movie. This guy is like seven foot two and hefty. Yep. Right. He's just

this gigantic guy and he's standing there among the small people like fucking Gandalf visiting the hobbits or some shit and doing salsa with everybody. Oh yeah, he is 100% false perspective. That's the only way to have him in his town with two false perspectives. And no one in this movie will ever acknowledge it. He's a background extra. He doesn't have any spoken lines They'll just be in the background and no one at any point just turns around and goes, oh Are you two people standing on each other's shoulders? So but yes, so she sees that and she's like, oh, I bet guys too tall. This is scary So she goes to leave

and the instructor stops her and he goes, Hey, you're not going to get out that easy now. Hey, can I just throw this out here? Nobody's ever sounded charming or cool when they say that. It's just all removing from our row caps, everybody. And this is what instructor starts just like randomly insulting other people who are there saying how terrible they all are. And it's like, you're very relaxed about disparaging your Cleom tell for a guy wearing a jawline mic right now. You got no discipline. Jawline Mike. Martian QED and this salsa instructor. Yeah. Have the same equipment load up. Yes. And he's, yeah, he's like, he's like, yeah, you can't possibly be worst in my shitty students.

Well, that makes you a bad teacher, though, doesn't it? Aren't you insulting yourself? He also says a sentence that I think about so much. He says, and I wrote it down exactly. Dancing is like therapy. It's really hard to learn and a great workout. Now, I wrote my notes, I don't think anyone is associated with this movie has been to therapy. Absolutely. Because yeah, it's like dancing is like therapy in that more straight men will aggressively avoid

it at all costs, even though they would actively benefit from the whole experience. But he says, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's much better. Dancing's like therapy. It's best when you're not thinking about it. It's like, is the key to therapy not thinking about stuff that's happened? It feels like thinking about stuff that's happened is the, it's kind of the point. It's like, yeah, yeah. But you do, yeah.

So, okay. So now we got to go check back in with Shane, the punk kid, the punk kid, who by the way, the actress like 31 or whatever. And dad is there to pick him up. This is divorce dad. He's half an hour late. Mom is serious and the kids don't want to go with him because mom has poisoned their minds against him.

But only because mom poisoned reminding he's late because he stopped to help a puppy. There was a blame puppy, a two-legged, not even three, two-legged puppy. And also, if you look at this photo of the angle from this photo, you can see I only clipped that little old lady in her midi band on the way over. God. And the kids are like, yeah, we don't want to go with you. So he leaves and mom's like, I think he hit that old lady head on with his mini van actually probably to sacrifice her for the devil or something, you know, the kids are like, yeah, mom. And then Shane goes back

into his room and scream punches his bed for a bit. Oh, and he's got the saddest little bed. His bed is as wide as my left thigh, his comforter is the blanket that I give to my cat. It's just he lives in a very poor existence. I wanted to watch this actor mime sleeping in this bed so hard, just climbing into this fucking dollhouse bed. All right. Yeah.

He writes, there's beds that you can't switch like turn over and you have to like rotate like you're on a spit. Otherwise you wouldn't fall out. Yeah. No, there's only one reason you ever end up in this bed. And it is because you were your wife thought staying in an air being be able to be fun. And then you realize why hotel success is you and your wife desperately fight for retail real estate in this tiny ass bed.

Yeah. No, you wouldn't understand. You can't understand the rest of us would. So yeah, but so we, he's screened punches the bed. We cut very quickly to Raquel arguing with God from her living room. Yeah. Right about like daring him to exist, I guess,

or something. She's yelling at him like, where were you? And I, because we'd last seen it at the salsa class, I thought she'd like a range to meet him there. It took you a month, but I'll know, wait, wait, you mean dead cave, gotcha, sorry, yes. You know, go, go,'s overdought on the bag of spare buttons that you get with a fancy shirt. Yeah, he might as well have like an open sewing kit next to him.

I wrote my notes at this point, man, the kids in this movie are dropping like fly. We got to put up a fence around the younger sister. She hasn't had a lot of lines yet. And then so yes, so he overdoses and we cut immediately from mom going, Shane, Shane, are you even alive to that? Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, it's a bunch of more fucking salsa dance. He's dead. Cha, cha, cha, cha. Hey, guys, for our salsa class that we're going to cut to throughout the movie, should

we get some attractive people or should we continue to hire the legions of undead that we raised with our wizard friend earlier and the giant that will never acknowledge the free hand, the unignoged triant in the center. No, we're going to go with the legions of the undead. Everyone, everyone you look at in this bag or truly take a moment when there's a group scene pause everyone, you're like, oh, that's a normal human. And then there's a thing wrong, right? It'll be like, just a foot growing out of there for it. Like everyone's got one thing. And the thing is we watched this trying to find Raquel, the, the, the mom in here. And I don't know whether it was just me. I struggled to find her in this fairly sparse crowd of dancing people. I kept thinking she was one of them and then it turned around, it wasn't her.

Like that scene in Kill Bill, where it all goes to black and white and then you think she's been stabbed and it's not, it changed and you couldn't quite tell it wasn't her. So it may be wonder because I couldn't look here to Wallyroll moving. Am I like an anti-T-rex where my vision is based on a lack of movement? Oh, I'm still missing. Because like the dinosaurs can't see us while we're salsa dancing. Would have been a fantastic addition to the Jurassic Park kind of. Yeah, it's element of that film.

And can I say a lot less silly than a lot of the stuff from the Chris Pine movies. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I just they show so much dancing for no reason in this movie. I wrote my notes at this point. This is the movie version of my mom going, that looks fun, right? Yeah. Doesn't that look fun? Huh?

Yeah, we looked, we listed as so much. First of all, like this guy is constantly giving him instructions that don't really mean anything. Shut the door. Remember to shut the door. I don't know what he means by such a door. And what I really hope is, he's never explained to he just keeps saying it.

And they're like, he's telling me to shut the door. What the hell could that possibly mean? I keep thinking to myself, I would need more instruction. Yeah, he's repeating it so often. It feels like it's the move she's gonna need to do to win the big salsa competition in the final act. Like, oh my God, she's gonna have to shut the door. Like, she's not the turning left.

She shuts the door and it freaks the legs. Yeah, that's the crazy thing. Mr. Miyagi's asking. Yeah, no. All right. So then we cut straight to the hospital where Shane is being held for observation following his overdose, right? And the doctor is trying to explain to the mom, hey, your kid suicidal, we're going to

need to get him into therapy before you can have him back. And the mom is like, no gross. Right. And when we see Shane in the hospital here, I'm fairly certain he only did the whole suicide attempt. So he got to lie down in a bigger bed than they were. Right. And when we see Shane in the hospital here, I'm fairly certain he only did the whole suicide attempt. So he got to lie down in a bigger bed than they were. Right.

He just wanted to stretch out for a night or so. And the role on his side. Yeah. Also, can we talk about Dr. Santa? Yes, we can. Look, everyone in their life, I know I have it. And I'm sure you guys have it too. Nose and older, perfectly nice gentleman who's

decided to go with weird fucking facial hair that makes him look like a Santa cowboy from the year 1700. Yes, we all know that guy. Nicotiotic Santa, yes. But you can't just put him in your movie and not acknowledge it, right? You got to be like, Hey, man, you look like a cowboy time traveler. But I guess you're a doctor. And this is where the doctors saying about how we had to put them on emergency antidepressants, which I didn't know that emergency rooms put you on to like anti-depressants stat on the day that you got admitted. But he says, well, you know, a patient on this ward killed themselves using the plastic bag,

like the plastic liner from the bin. So, right, but how did that not result in a no-liners in the bin's policy like the plastic liner from the bin. It's like, right, but how did that not result in a no-liners in the bin's policy for the entire world then? That seems like that's the first step you do. Right, because they're in the room with the suicidal kid and he like reaches down and he says, do you know your kid could kill himself using nothing but this and then we're like,

well, why is that in the fucking room? Yeah, Shane, if he didn't know that, he knows now. Shane, you listening? I saw you're acting earlier and I just want you't know that, he knows now. Shane, you listening? I saw you're acting earlier and I just want you to know that you could kill yourself. We have this trash can bag and then, you know, just keep it in mind, Shane. I'm Dr. Santa. Yeah, but mom seems to think that the doctor's a little too worried about her son's over to her side. Yes.

She's like, I'll be taking him home today. I need to repot him in new soil. But I just like, you know suicide can be fatal, right? If it's not treated, I don't. Yeah, she goes, I'm his mother and I wrote in my notes and you're doing an absolutely slammer jammer job. Yeah, I see. There's no reason to leave this up to professionals.

Nothing but net. Okay, so then we cut to Rick Helens. She's walking into the fulfilled heart and mind therapy center. Now we all assumed she was going to get therapy, but this is where we learn in the movie that she is a therapist. Right. And she's meant to be going back to work now. And how long has it meant to be going back to work now.

And how long has it meant to have been since her daughter died for her to be going back to works with therapists? Because I've got no idea there is no time frame in this entire film, but she's expected back at work. But because it's America, the answer could be anything from like a month or a week to like a day. I have no idea.

I have nothing to do with it. Right, yeah, no. It also depends on the states. If she's in like Minnesota or Florida, I think they give you like 48 hours. Yeah, but so she goes in and we see the divorce status in the waiting room. So like we're teased that this is all about to tie together.

But then she goes into talk to her boss and tell him that she's, you know, she's not sure if she can fulfill hearts and minds anymore after everything that happens, right? And this guy could not be more cavalier. He's supposed to be the head of a mental health practice. And he's like, eh, give it a week, you'll get over it. What was she like?

15? Yeah, you barely know those kids. They're kind of church-to-fantat, right? What you need is to get back on your feet, just immediately delivering mental health care to a stranger. Trust me, Once you get in there, right, you'll be fine. Yeah. You got to get right back on that horse, even while you're spying still broken. That's how we learn. That's how how it works. Right,

because yeah, at that exact moment, right, and she's like, I don't think I could do this anymore. I'm going to need at least a little more time. And you take all the time you need, except there's a guy in the waiting room. And you know, Lisa's on her 15. So and you take all the time you need, except there's a guy in the waiting room. And you know, Lisa's on her 15. So can you take him and then take more time? So she takes the divorce that that's Matt. She takes him back and she's like, all right, yeah, no, I'll therapy a little bit. Turns out that he's there because he wants her to therapy his suicidal side.

Yes. And she's like, what brings you here, Matt? And he's like, well, I've got this aversion to buttoning up my fucking shirt. My shirt buttons are so low, you can see my penis and I don't know how that happens. That's not meant to even be a thing, but somehow it's done. I'm somehow in scrooge pajamas, but indecently, I don't really know how this is working. And throughout this whole scene as well, because he's a bad actor, he's trying to portray agitated. He is shaking so much. He's basically, he looks like a white lady trying to blame Pfizer. That's how much this guy is. Yeah. Yeah. Also, this actor,

well, he heard what I said about him in the earlier scenes, but how bad he is. And he was like, I'm going to show Eli because I happen to know that good acting is yelling red double. acting is yelling randomly. So, I look at you. And then it's always after the cut he stops doing it, which means that what is happening is he's going, my son, darling, how's up, cut. And that Jess Thomas is like, hey man, you fucking suck. Stop yelling randomly. And so, okay, okay.

Anyways, so I was thinking that maybe you could be a stop man. It is. It's amazing. God. It is amazing. Yeah. He's so fucking bad and he explains like, he's like, hey, you know, I wanted you to be my son's therapist, but my ex wife wanted a different guy. And so the judge decided to randomly pick a therapist.

And would you know it? He picked you. Yeah. That is that is not random. No, not random. The opposite of random. Yeah. And the thing is, I love this. The judge picked a therapist randomly.

You know, on the downside, they were not at all qualified to help Shane suicidal tendencies, but on the plus side, they did say they turned him straight. So, you know, that's a really. Yeah, but it's just like, but why do you want me? And he gives this big fucking no atheist in a foxhole speech. Yeah, I don't understand why Christians think this is a good argument, right? People tend to believe our ontological position when they're at their most afraid, not as good an argument as you think.

Right, exactly. Also, the thing is there are no atheists in foxholes is somehow a misunderstanding both of atheists and foxes. Yeah, right. What about foxes? Damn it. But I thought he's bringing up foxholes. Has he been to war? And is that why he keeps shouting like that?

Has he got shell shock? Is that his kind of thing? That would also, my wife's always wearing that facial expression. Like he's trying to explain all that hand-drawn, merge, Simpson porn of his that you just found, right? But yeah, but he's, but basically what he's telling her is like, I want you to be my son's therapist because you're the correct religion, right? Oh, see, see, I thought it was the thing that he brings up next, which is that I know

your kid died of suicide. Well, that's true. Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah, you've got to be like, who better to handle my son's suicide attempt than a mother who is still freshly grieving for her dead daughter who hasn't, hasn't even yet returned to work. You know, other than literally any other therapist, who can actually go to the therapist from before, they would still be better than her at this

point. Yeah. And just it's weird that he pitches this because he kind of sort of is like, uh, it's like a, like a second try and say that your kid wouldn't that be fun? It's like a do-over. You want to mull again? You could, you could get it right this. I mean, not that you got it wrong. I mean, I read the note. You got it wrong.

She was very clear. He's doing it like she's joined the team. He's assembling for a heist. Like Matt, you son of a bitch, I'm in. That's the only one that told me he's going for you. Yeah, no, because she's like, no, I can't help you. And then he leaves. And by the time he gets to the parking lot, she calls and she's like, yeah, I'm in for one last job.

So, okay, so Monica, that's the divorced mom. She's driving Shane home from the hospital now. Yeah, she's like, Shane, Shane, your suicide attempt is making me look bad. Yeah, so Monica is to Shane being a suicidal as my mom is to me being an atheist, right? So, can you believe that doctor thinking that you were trying to commit suicide? You took all of those fentanyl? Meanwhile, Shane's trying to hang himself off that little thing you hold your hand on

to Shane. Shane pay attention. Also, this is where we get to watch this actress try out several pronunciations of fentanyl and get none of them right. No, she gives up eventually and moves. Yes. You took fentanyl. You took fentanyl, fentanyl, fentanyl, fentanyl.

Funtanyl. Eventually, it's that shitty European orange soda phanta. Did you take phanta? Yeah, she's like, but don't worry. I know that you can't be suicidal. You have too nice of a car. I blame your dad. And then she grounds him.

He's grounded for trying to kill himself. Yeah. So, okay. So that we cut over to a recal meeting with Monica about the therapy for Shane, right? So apparently she wants to do therapy for the whole family. She wants to talk to Matt, the dad, Monica, the mom, Shane, the son, and Amanda, the daughter, by the way, that character will get a name about an hour and 20 minutes into the movie. But I'll just go ahead and tell you the younger sister is Amanda.

The little girl on Thorasing the entire thing. Yeah. Yeah. She's not on the strength of her personality. So if she's not going to get of her personality. So Vashi not going to get a lot of that interaction that is going to be a very weak bit of therapy. This that little girl's performance is so dead-eyed that in the early scenes of the movie, I wrote, man, what a really like insensitive portrayal of a disabled person this actress is doing.

Nope. That little girl is just in a fucking fuk state throughout her acting performance. Yeah. And so and we have to see here that Monica is being a little bit standoffish about the whole idea of doing therapy. So, you know, she's like, well, we need to schedule a time that you and I can sit down and she's like, I'm literally never available, never, ever, once. So I can't do that. Like getting lunch plans with a high school friend you don't want to see. Yeah. Let me see. You know, Mondays through Sundays are not great for me, but how are your leap years? Are your leap years good? Monica's like, look, the last thing I need is an objective third party assessing my actions. I'm the bad guy in this movie. My ex

husband wrote it. So sorry, no, just no. And then she tags in Shane, right? So he can have his first 81 seconds of therapy. Right, she said she wants to see Shane for a few minutes. It's like, I don't think you're gonna crack it in that time. I think she dedicated more time to the kids. No, I need more therapists to do like a 90 second round up at the very beginning

of the day. Hey, how's it going? Quick high five. Get the fuck out. All right? Yes. Good for sish. So he comes in and of course he's going his way through therapy. He's wearing his headphones. He's honest. He's, he's texting somebody. He's not paying any attention to her, right? And he is 90% mascara and fake tan. I can only assume because he is significantly older than the 17 he's meant to be. So they've sort of like filled in the cracks with fake tan and just like shooting slightly smudgy and hope you don't notice. Okay. Also, his hair is completely inexplicable. I got lost in his hair for some time here because he's got like a helmet of hair, like a, like a, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a Hispanic princess Diana is kind of a hair that he's got no more. Yeah, I love this. It looks like it was fired at him from the side, right? Like it grew out of his head, but like they shot it from a fucking can and then it just stuck. If you follow any single bit of hair, it doesn't go towards his head. No, it starts at the head and then goes out from there, but none of his does. And I don't understand how it's like he wants to speak to a manager about why existence is spain. But she lays down the rules of therapy. He can't use his phone.

He can't swear. He can't use headphones, which I mean, I think that implies the phone. And also he can't hit her in the head. Always look, I've had a lot of therapists over years and the best ones, the best ones start with a weird, rude rule about wayquits. Yeah, right. Look, I want you to talk about anything you feel unless it's the F word in which case I've put a hard, you know, on that one. So yeah, and then we flash back.

So they leave. She watches them leave on her computer monitor. She for whatever reason, every time a client leaves, stares at them suspiciously on the security camera. Yeah, I don't know why she's got access to the CCTV from her office PC. That doesn't seem normal to me, but fine. She's got that. It's fine.

No fucking weird. Yeah. So then we cut straight back to salsa class. And once again, the salsa structure is just barking useless information at them. Yeah. At one point, doesn't he say to them, you know, ballroom on top, Latin on the bottom, which to be fair, is my favorite poll and hood category. So he has that. Yeah. So

but we get a bunch of weird dance instructor, fucking banter or something. And then we fade into the whole class out salsa dancing together. So it's no longer class. They're actually doing the deed. And I this is such a weird fucking scene because everybody looks in this two, this couple that's doing a really good job job and everybody's like, wow, that's Victor and Amy, the best darn salsa dancing duo in this entire town. And you assume that at some point now, you know, Rekella's gonna have to dance against Victor and Amy and find the right, but we will never see these two characters. No, no, they're just like Victor and Amy, you know, they do anal,

like they don't make a good one. They just do anal Victor and Amy. We'll never see them again. And then this is also just a sad scene that doesn't have to exist in the movie, but knowing that the woman wrote it makes it so heartbreaking. She comes out of class and she's like, does anyone need a ride and park nearby? And they're like, no, no, we don't want to hang out with you anymore. And of seam never has any. God's incredible, incredible. Yeah, no, clearly the the writer was just like,

I guess this probably happens to everyone all the time when they offer people rides. That probably very relatable thing to have happen. So she's driving home. She gets a call from that friend from the answering machine earlier the one that wants her to go back to church. Yeah, this is the first time we actually see Kim.

And I for one, think it's nice that ET settled down and joined to church. I think that's cool. I think that he managed that. Yeah, so he phoned home, but he phoned her first. Yeah. Right, exactly. She's like, well, have you watched that preacher video?

I sent you and she's like, only the first. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Yeah. She's like, well, have you watched that preacher video? I sent you and she's like, only the first 90 seconds. And she's like, you should watch the next 90 seconds now while you're driving, by the way. And she said, yeah, I'm sorry. I've not been to church. I've just been doing literally anything else. And you know what? It's much better. Like way way better. Why wasn't I doing this the entire time. So yes, so she hangs up on Kim and then she watches a little bit more of the preacher video. Oh, and so this is this is Christian movie like tech stuff. She goes back to the preacher video, but it's very clearly in her foretours folder, she's not clicking a link to view it, which means what literally means is that they didn't know a way to actually make this work on their phone so they put it on the floor.

In the photo, in the canon of this film, it means she watched the first 90 seconds when she was in a kitchen, was disgusted and annoyed by it, turned it off, but thought, I best download a full copy of this entire thing. In case I need to watch you while in transit. I think it's just a moment later. Yeah. So, and of course, he's telling her the stages of grief for Fox sake. Yeah.

That's where he's going with his sermon. Also, I feel like if your sermon is on grief, you don't need quite as many jokes, right? It's just a bunch of weird yuck, yuck moments in this sermon. And it keeps having the audience react to it like they're watching Seinfeld at his peak just like constant kind of interjections of audience laughter. Oh, the crowd, he says, you know, the first stage is denial and I'm not talking about that river in Egypt. The crowd goes nuts for that. Yeah. Ah, did I? Where your brain literally can't handle the death of a loved one?

Sounds like another word. I love what? That's like another word. The best. And he says in the second stage is anger and there's more stages but we're not going to get there because we're not there yet in the movie. So I guess we're two stages in that's clearly earned us a break but we'll be back in a flash with even more. God and salsa.

Hey, Marsh. Oh, hey Eli, what's up? even more God and salsa. Hey, Marsh. Oh, hey, Eli, what's up? I just wanted to thank you again for coming on the podcast today. So, um, here, eggs. Yeah, you know, for you and the wife on me. Oh, um, that's really nice, Eli, but what? Marsh, Marsh, Marsh, Marsh, Marsh. I don't know what you've heard, but eggs? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no With Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-pulsing ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.

Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. And the ingredients are like good, not just, you know, rattlesnake eggs you bought off the internet? No, no, you only find quality ingredients in Hello Fresh recipes. In fact, ingredients travel from the farm to your home in less than seven days, so you know that fresh. Wow! Some might even say that's fresher than the grocery store.

And it's true. Hello Fresh sent us a box to try and the veggies, where they sent were so incredibly fresh and delicious. It's like having a personal grocery shopper with the recipes built in. That's why I know illusions personally endorse Hello Fresh as product. All right, Marsh. I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Go to HelloFresh.com slash awful65 and use the code awful65 for 65% off plus free shipping. That's HelloFresh.com slash awful65 and use the code awful65 for 65% off plus free shipping.

Thanks, Marsh. Now, you sure you don't want these? That depends. Are those rattlesnake eggs that you bought off the internet? Mm, nope. Yeah, they're definitely rattlesnake eggs. Yup. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.

You weren't ready for English. No. I'm right there with you, Eli. Alright, family court has now in session. Now, Mr. Smith, it appears that you and your wife can't agree on your son's therapist. That's right, you want to? You are so unreasonable. Now, no need for that.

I've got a solution that should please everyone. I'm just going to choose a therapist for your son randomly. Sorry. Did you say randomly? Yep. Ah, way, it's fair to everybody. All right. How about this guy?

Zhao Shang. He is a schizophrenia specialist in Guangzhou, China. Is that going to work for you guys? Uh, no, we live in LA. Oh, yeah. Oh, I, I, I, I did say randomly, let me try again, uh, just here in LA. How about Dr. Abraham Hofstetter? He's, he's right here in town.

Uh, I mean, he could be good. Now, unfortunately, he did die, uh die in 1947, but I could call the office and see, uh, good, judge, I think you're taking random a little bit literally. Maybe just choose a therapist in the area that neither of us have chosen. Oh, I guess. So, okay, how about this? Uh, Dr. Rick Hell Thompson at Family Therapy. That's the person my husband wanted. Okay, perfect, we're agreed. You're reading by judge.

Yes, I am. Yep, sure I am. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with Shane pulling up for his therapy session into the, into the handicap spot. And otherwise empty parking lot, which is an impressive level of douchebag or yeah, right? Right. But he is driving a BMW, so it is entirely consistent at least.

Yeah, that's fair. If that could be rolling call, he would have the trifecta. Yeah, all right. So yes, but he posted to the therapy session, he's not into therapy though. He's not paying attention. He's he's looking at his phone. He's ignoring Requel. Yeah.

He's looking like Cristiano Ronaldo in the princess Diana wig. Yes. Exactly. And so she to get his attention drops a heavy book in front of him. And look, I'm not gonna pretend to know what you as a therapist are supposed to do when someone is that resistant in a session, but I'm pretty sure loud sudden noise

is not the recommended clinical solution. Yeah. And in case you needed to be terrified, I will remind you, the co-author of this movie and the person whose story it is was a license clinical therapist. Okay, so now this is actually going to be the first moment in this movie. I know we're a third of the way through it and everything, but this is the first moment

in the movie where this kid is going to talk for any extended period. And we're going to realize that he has an incredibly thick Spanish accent. Yes, yeah, it's unexpectedly Spanish given the parents that we've met. Right. And I thought, is this why the sister doesn't speak? What accent does she have? Is this going to be like super problematic? Or stringent or something?

No, no. I think it's subcontinent. I think this is one of the places where she should not have that accent. It's best you don't say anything to be honest. Amanda, can you tell us what it's like for you? Well, I'll tell you. Good job. No one's wished me a happy job is yet. Hello. So, but so he's going to try to do the fucking the Matt Damon, Tarraban Williams thing from Good will hunting where he gets inside her head but like this actor is no mat Damon and this writer is no also mat Damon i guess it does not go well he's like i bet you got into therapy because you had a backstory with the narration like a voice

over a suicide note earlier and she's like, oh, too close to home. Yeah, he's trying to do, look, I don't know why I blame science and the lambs, right? The science and the lambs has that scene where Hannibal lectures like, ah, stuff on the nipples. And ever since then, to show someone is mean, they do the Hannibal Lecter thing, but he sounds like my Melania Trump impersonation. So it's very hard for him to be like, I'm sure, think that you know what that guacamano

but you'll never have seen that con lesoiba. I think the stuff he's saying, it's meant to be like, oh, he's dead on, but he's not dead on because he's saying like, oh, you become a therapist to deal with the death of your daughter and your divorce. And it's like, no, she was already a therapist to daughter when he died like a month or something.

Right. You haven't qualified in that time. I also have. So she gets a phone call or a text at this point that he has to move his car out of the handicap spot, but like, but like her, you would think she'd turn her phone off for this phone, right? What kind of therapist doesn't have her phone on by break in the middle of a session with a suicidal teenage?

Oh, yeah, and that's, that's, that's so bad. I know you're on the brink right now, I know that your life's in jeopardy, but just hold on a second, I've really got to take this. I've got to, I've got to, I've got to take it. I'm so sorry, I just got, I have a level boost on Candy Crush. I am listening. I am 100% listening, but I, I just get a free sprinkly ball if I do this. So do you want to be my friend? I still get extra lives if we frit know.

So yeah, so he so he says yeah, no, I'll move my car and he just leaves. He leaves therapy all together because he's not taking this very serious at all. And when we get it when he stands up, we see that he's turned up the cuffs on the bottom of his skin tight jeans and I wrote, I wish the fentanyl had taken him. So then we check back in with that none flashback from before you see when the none in El Salvador heard things blowing up. The immediate reaction was to ask God to forgive all the people who were killing and genocide and blowing shit up. And the kids like, wait, no, I think you have that back where it shouldn't. God's might those people and she teaches her about the

importance of forgiveness. Yeah. Right. I mean, she could have told her to first pray for the victims because the nuns skip that whole bit. Yeah. She does. She's done. In a crowded place. I best pray for the terrorists. You're right. Wait instinct. That was her go to. Yeah. So, but then we we cut to dinner with Monica Shane and the generic little sister Amanda, right? And she's like, you know, Shane, you're not eating your food. I bet it's your dad's fault, huh? Because he's such a piece of shit. And I'm turning you against him. And he goes, no, it's not that. And look, I'm sure something happened to this scene. I could not tell you because Amanda, the little sister, is fucking housing her food.

Like it's fucking that, the, oh, imaginary dinner scene from Huck. It's so distracting because they're having this incredibly dramatic, like she's trying to turn you again. And Amanda's just like, oh god, god This is broke. Are you a first? Keep it my the awesome this little girl has not spoken the entire movie she's sat there in total stillness like patna Oswald trying to end the contract and king of queens and now this is the only time she's moved We're watching her to power a play like a fucking baby hippo. It's amazing.

I think what I've realized about this is this film did not have money for craft services. It had no budget for craft services hanging around her films that all day takes a long time. It's very boring. People start to get cranky and hungry. And this little kid had not eaten all day. And then suddenly there's a scene with food and she's like, yes, please. I want it to be like suggesting food and the rest of the scenes to prove that. She's just like, I guess I could tell you

over a pizza. Perhaps at the ice cream parlor, we could discuss for this. So yeah, so but Shane leaves the table and mom's like, leave your door cracked. I don't want you fentanyling in there. So don't mention crack to the drug eats son. It's too soon. Don't say crack around him. So and then we're back at salsa class, right? That emotional scene immediately gives way to salsa dancing.

And this time it's a one on one, right? She's having a one on one lesson with the salsa instructor. Yep. And this time it's a one on one right she's having a one on one lesson with the salsa instructor. Yep, so he can give her like, you know, I don't know psychiatric salsa pep talk Right the rapiest possible psychiatric pep talk is he's like look yet first of all get your head in the salsa game All right, I know you have a kid who's about to kill himself who's in desperate immediate physical danger But this is salsa quit fucking around desperate immediate physical danger, but this is salsa quit fucking around. Yes, sir. Now, take this seriously and imagine that I'm sexually desirable.

Yes. 100%. Yeah, that's what he's doing. That is his advice. He's like, imagine that I'm your boyfriend and she's like, I don't have a boyfriend. He's like, imagine that I'm something that you really, really like. And she says, I like chocolate. That's a great, great job, writer. And

and this is a magic. This is the actual line from the movie. He says, okay, imagine I'm a piece of chocolate and you want to put your hands all over it. Do you not know how chocolate work? I like anyone who wrote this movie knows how chocolate works out. I don't know. Or I want a flash cut to the scene of her just being like, I'm sorry, I just had such a tough day and she's just rubbing her hands back and like washing her hands with a Hershey bar. You know, M&M's are great for this. Yeah, she's keep turning up to places with like chocolate, COVID hands like a chocolate.

I'm sorry. I saw some chocolate. I couldn't resist. Yeah, but she dances some more and so and then we cut to her therapy in Monica. Right. This is the divorced mom that's trying to turn the kids against dad. She's having her therapy session now. And it does the reverse transition of this because like cha cha cha cha cha cha cha, how long ago was it evolved? What?

She said so jarring, so it's happened. Her open is so whose fault was the divorce? And would you say your kids loved that? Yeah, exactly. So yeah, she's like, so why did you divorce your husband? And she says, well, he had an affair with one of his students. He's a high school teacher. We haven't mentioned that yet. He's a high school teacher. We haven't mentioned that.

He's a high school teacher. He is. Yeah. You don't have an affair with your high school student. You array your one of your pedophile and there's one of your things that has a C. He's abusive. Oh, no, yeah. Jack the Ripper, he had an affair with several workers on the streets of London.

And then she says, you know, and he just, he said a bad example for the kids. And Rekel says, how so? And I'm like, other than grooming a high school student, you mean? And she does mean that, yes. She does. Yes. He let the kids stay up past their bed times. That's the bad example. And watch our rated movies. Yeah. She does justify his affair, his sleeping with the student as well, because apparently the student was of age, which does not make it better. Like, yes, and we explained that you like technically the term is hebophile. You know, you know, you know, Mary from the Bible was only 14.

Yes. Yes. No. Why do I work for Breitbart? So I think what they're going for is that she was an 18 year old high school student, but yeah, and maybe that makes it better Legally speaking, but yeah, yeah, still pretty fucking problematic Not here in the moral dimension. No, right? And it's certainly not some right the fact that the writer of this movie thought his X would be like no, no, no, let me explain. It's not as bad as you think He fucked a technical adult he was in charge of taking care of.

Yes, right. But we all got that this was lies, right? This was all lies. Because that's what this movie was doing, because it set her up to be a bad guy. I'm like, I'm not saying we shouldn't believe him. We should believe him. I'm saying we shouldn't believe this woman, because this movie has made it very clear we should not believe the mother.

Don't cancel me in the Facebook comments. This is a secular lady should not be believed in the realm of this movie. We have established that. Yes. Well, here's the weird thing, right? Because again, I know that this movie is about a guy rewriting the story of his divorce. It makes me feel like if I did enough digging, I would find out that this director slash writer absolutely dated one of his students and is like, Oh, did you see the movie?

I had an explanation for that. It's a lie. Yeah, it does definitely feel that way. Well, but in case we're not getting Marsha's point about how we shouldn't believe what this woman says, we zoom in at this point as she leaves on Rekel's notes that she's keeping it on her little legal pad. She has written three words on this fucking page, insincere manipulative narcissists.

She's really lucky that the mum didn't like that, that Monica didn't stand up at any point and glimpse the past. She's really really big over like four lines each. Right, yeah, she's like, she's making a sign, she's gonna hang in the door for when she's going on a break or something. Yeah.

Now I really want to peek at my therapist notes next time, which, oh fat podcaster. Oh. Oh. And then we go back to the salsa club. Now we're not at salsa class. So salsa class and salsa club happen in the same room. Right.

Right. At the same exact place where the camera set up, but we sometimes will have like a DJ in the back and there will be like, you know, dance club lights going and that's when it's actually a salsa club instead of salsa class. Okay. I did not realize that until you just said that because I've written in my notes. Wow, this salsa class is really taken off now. It's just packed. It's great. Oh, see, now that I was bored by this scene, so I was like, okay, guess it's about how salsa's gonna have,

connect to the rest of the movie. She's gonna make Shane do salsa therapy. She's gonna salsa fight him. This is, no. Your notes are just so sad as you slowly give up on the concept that these two streams are ever going to cross within the film. So okay. So now we get Shane showing back up to therapy. He's still not taking it seriously. He's 40 minutes late this time. Yeah. He also looks like a cat got turned into a silky human from here on in. Yeah.

So and and she has to give him this speech where she's like, look, we are well into act two at this point. You need to drop the emotionally impenetrable tough guy act so we can get on with a fucking movie, okay? And can I just say, if my therapist is crying when she's telling me about how good she is at her job, I feel like she's probably not. Yeah. She's telling me about how good she is at her job. I feel like she's probably not. Yeah. She's probably not.

Also, she wraps up this little passionate speech to him by calling her daughter suicide a successful suicide attempt. And look, I don't know the clinical terminology, but I feel like successful suicide attempt is a weird way to put it. And really had a like my daughter killed herself way better than you did vibe to it when she said yes. Oh, yes She absolutely should not to print it out as a certificate for her daughter for the achievement and hug it on the Prince. I thought it was weird that she gently laid it across her chest during the open casket funeral But you know everyone greaves in their own way

And then and the bumper sticker on the back of her car my daughter killed herself under very first try again Not tasteful in that's just my that's just my I didn't think it was a tasteful bumper So I mean that's fair if you would like a my daughter On the first drop bumper sticker Then don't fuck yourself No, that's fine. I'm putting that in a merch store right now. I don't know which Marshall said it's funny.

Oh, God. I have a bunch. So, but then, so she decides then to storm out on him. She gives him this big speech, but he needs to take his therapy seriously. And then she storms out, but like, they were in her office. Yes, her therapy office. Yeah. Yeah, she stormed out of her place of work and he's just in her office without her. But with all of the confidential patient files, including his own,

including the file calling his mum, a malignant narcissist. Did this maybe just forget what location this scene was setting at this point? just forget what location this scene was setting at this point. So then we, we get dad's therapy session, right, where he's going to explain now that she's a liar that Monica's a liar and all that stuff that she said about him, fucking one of his students is a lie, right? Yep. And she's like, I 100% believe you, I need no further evidence. Right. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I won't follow up on it in any way. And I'm also gonna tell you what your wife said

about you in her therapy session. Yeah. So she says all the things that the wife said. And he said, well, you know, except she left out abusive. She did say you were a pedophile. It does imply there's some abuse in follow-up. Yeah, I think so. Implied in the definition, then. I think so. Implied in the definition though.

I think so. And this is where like I did not realize that this movie was this guy's side of the divorce until this scene where he gets into way too many specifics that will never matter for the movie. He's like, well, I put her through real estate school. Also she had an affair with a con man named Jack Jacobs and I'm like, okay.

Yeah. I wrote this letter. Oh,. This is what I wrote. Oh, this script is evidence in a custody trial and the guy lost custody. Yes. Yes. Yes. His defense against the whole sleeping with students thing is that he only ever slept with one student, but I only have a violin to detress people placed in me as a teacher

that one time is still not a great defense. No. That's still a sackable one time is still not a great defense. That's a no. Sackable offense and like put on a list material. This is also the book where they sort of post hoc explain Shane's accent, right, or at least make a go of it. He's like, you know, the only time I ever saw the student was her when I was a teacher in Madrid and she was a kid from Alabama who was taking my English class in Madrid. Stay with me now. Get out your yard.

So we're going to need at least four different colors of pushp it here. But anyway, he explains that when they first got married, they lived in Spain for a number of years and then moved back to the US. That's why their kid doesn't have the same accent. And then again, in the peak of insensitivity for this character, he goes, I'm sorry. I just feel like my kids are dead. And there's an awkward moment where he's like,

oh, sorry, I feel, feel, yours is funny. I guess what I'm saying is I get it. And then he says, how do you cope? And I wrote in my notes, notes dude her kid is actually dead She doesn't just feel that way. Yeah, right. Well, her answer's so bizarre because she's like, you know, how do you cope? And she's like, you know salsa Let me say something as brave as it is hurtful if salsa dancing gets you over your dead kid. I don't think you loved your kid So dancing gets you over your dead kid. I don't think you love your kid.

I'm sorry. I'm just gonna throw that out there. Jesus Christ. Yeah, she's like, no, you know, it's anything that you do that's physical as long as it's physical, it'll be, it'll get your mind off of it. Yeah, and it's like keep it in your pants, lady. This is a professional setting. Yeah, right, right.

Just because he's got a shirt on button. Doesn't mean he's asking. Now, picture Jean-Vanet Ramsey's parents like swinging some kettlebells, weeping. The shit's better. Healed their daughter. So, okay. So now she's in the car. She's flashing back to being told about her daughter's suicide. Okay. So this, this threw me, this threw me because what we're hearing is essentially the coroner's report, but it looks like she's listening to it in the car because we've seen her watching stuff in her car.

Right, yeah. She just got the coroner's report from her dead kid on her phone to listen to when she's in the car, which is a weird choice. And then I remembered that happened to me once, what genuinely did happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So very long story, but for a skeptical investigation, I ended up having to get the old recording of someone's coronary report that someone who died as a result of pseudoscience and things like that. And so when I got that on my phone, when I got that on to get that onto my phone for me to listen to, it automatically added it to

iTunes without me realizing. And then my phone synced to iTunes and it got just added into the shuffle. And then when I was driving at one point, it came on in shuffle. And it was just a lady's death report. So you listen to that for a minute, just apparently just to trigger that anecdote from Marshall. Hey, Marsh, you know how this guy made a whole movie to explain his divorce away? I feel like you agreed to be on God off a movie six years ago so that you can explain why Mike got in your car once and you were listening to a corner or it's important. I'm not buying it. I just want to say on the record, I'm

not buying. So yeah, so she listens or she remembers that for a bit. And then she starts watching a little bit more of Pastor John's video. And she also she told the dad, she's like, you know, hey, if you want to get through to your kids, send them pictures of back when you guys were having fun, you know, like back before they hated you. So while she's listening to the pastor, we're getting like shots of the dad going through all his old photos of the family. You say old, how old do you think those? Because eight, nine hours. Yeah, everyone in those, every single one of those photos looks identical to how they

look in this movie. These are days old at most. The happy times he had with his family last week. Yeah, the visit, the visit to the green screen store. These are the worst green screens, photos of every at one point they're camping. And they're supposed to be, I forget what they're supposed to be holding. They're supposed to be holding something, but they've just made fists in front of whatever object, whatever it is. They're holding. Yes, it's so bad. There's the action shot of them at dinner where they're all like, oh, he's carbon. He's about to eat, but they're all in it. So who took the picture? Who did you invite around? What, that you just eaten for? You're a house.

Yes. All these pictures aren't so fake that I started head-cannning a theory about that. That their whole marriage was just a sham marriage in order to get a green card. And so these pictures were deliberately fake trying to give them a backstory. You know, think about it. They met abroad. They are horrible together. Their son has an inexplicable Spanish accent, the daughter warned speak. All right.

What happened, I think, is random Spanish lady and her kids wanted a green card. He wanted some cover for being genuinely a pedophile. It was a win-win situation, but they had to fake these photos in order to fool immigration. All right. All right. Better film than the rest of this film is. Just made a better movie. Yeah.

So. And then so we cut straight from that to salsa dancing at the club some more. And this is where like yet again, the the dance instructor is going to explain how therapeutic salsa is because it allows you to feel the touch of another human being and forget your sadness for a while? This is also where he turns and he tells all the personal secrets and everyone in the room. Oh yeah. You remember the first time he was like, look at these motherfuckers, they all suck.

This time he's just like, look at her. She just got a cancer diagnosis and Byron's wife just left him and I wanted so badly for Byron to be like, Hey, and him to be like, shut the fuck up by really shut the fuck up. So then, okay, so then we get Shane coming in for therapy again, but for realsies this time. Yeah. Right. This is where like she makes him make the first move, right? She's playing therapy chicken with him or something.

I know we talk about how bad Christian spakes work is a lot, but at the beginning of this scene, as he comes and sits down, this actress has to do looking at a computer and it is some of the worst looking at an object I've ever seen. Like you watched such a weird thing that you even have that scale. Blink, blink, blink eyes normal looking normal looking normal. She's so confused through this. It's not so much that she's looking at the computer screen. She might as well be looking for the computer screen.

That's how confused she looks throughout this. Like she's looking around in the confused face. And it's a bit like when I'm working, but my cat, Mildred, jumped on the desk and decided she really has to attack the cursor and she's just following it around the screen. Yes. Yeah, so he comes in and he sits down and she's just like, I'm still doing my computer thing. I am still finishing up my computer stuff. Computers, my favorite stuff, yeah.

And finally, he's like, hey, you want to do therapy? And she's like, I, you want to do therapy? And she's like, I thought you'd never ask. And he opens with, do you know why your daughter killed herself? Well, it's like so dead kid, huh? That's basically his opening. Yes. And she lies.

She's like, I'll never know why my daughter killed herself. And I'm like, okay, lady, she told you in the note. We heard, we heard the note. We were listening to the VL. Yeah, she said it was your fault. Like I wouldn't share that right away too. She's right here. I mean, no, it is your fault.

Yeah. And he's like, well, you know, I wasn't really trying to kill myself. And she says, do you do a lot of drugs then? recreationally, he says, I mostly just do pot. And that's the exact quote I wrote in my nose. Yeah, that's how the kids talk these days, right?

I mostly just do the pot. Yeah. At one point she crosses her soul. She does the side of the cross and he goes, oh wait Why do you believe in religion? And she's like a non Flashback. It's a whole thing. It's a well. She says she used to. Yeah, he's like you believe in God She says I used to know you just make gestures for fun Yeah, cuz she does cross this south like a footballer entering the field. It's kind of the the up done left right and kiss the fingers kind of thing. Yeah. So and she's like, yeah, you know, I there was a none that I really looked up to

when I was a kid. You'll, you'll know her from the flashback. I actually wanted to be a none at one point. So my mom got me late. That's the best. Not exactly the quote, but that's the implication. Yeah. My mom bought me a bunch of short skirts and then they turned out that nun was a total bitch to me. So I actually really worked out. But she tells them about the miraculous time that she was heading from El Salvador to immigrate to the U.S. and it's she had a bus station in Mexico city. She ran into her favorite nun and Shane goes, wow, that's quite a coincidence.

She goes, oh, no, it was a miracle. And I'm like, no, it's slow to fuck down. It's a coincidence. Yeah, it's still a coincidence. But also to the movie think that this is a persuasive story that's going to convert people to God that that, oh, I look for the nun and she wasn't there in Mexico, and then I looked again and she was suddenly there and I said, yeah, I didn't believe. But then this actress in a film talked about a fictional teleporting nun from El Salvador

and that's swung her and now I'm religious. Yeah. So what did it for me? Yeah, but she says, you know, but the nun told me that when you lose track of God, that's when he's really the closest and he's like, that doesn't make any sense at all. And she's like, yeah, but it's the kind of shit you have to keep telling yourself, make sense. If you want to believe this nonsense is a grown up. So I got like the weeping angels from Dr. Who have you seen Dr. Who? Don't blink. He gets closer to you.

So and then she's like, hey, by the way, Shane, do you have like, like suicide blueprints? It feels like she's hunting for tips. Right? It does. She's whibbing twitch. She wants to talk through his suicide plan, but she says it a bit like she's there to workshop and punch it up a little. She's like,

LOOL PILTS, huh? Let's just, no, she's just a lot of time for someone to find you. Everybody does. Stomach pump makes a pretty effective technology, Shane. Yeah. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. And it's like, I wrote in my notes, I was like, okay, well, it's with it.

Having a plan doesn't necessarily mean your suicidal. Um, guys, I googled it. Apparently you are not supposed to have a plan. No, you're not, man. So the official advice is to just vibe it. That doesn't work. Yeah, apparently you're supposed to fucking, now it feels weird. I it every time I start to plan. I'm supposed to be like, no, okay, I guess I'll fucking wing it. I'm I allowed to have a suicide plan for you.

This month, Marshy sure fucking. So and then of course, it now is the time on sprockets when we dance again, I guess, right? Because we go back to the salsa club. Now we have a live salsa band. Also suddenly, one of the dancers is wearing a COVID mask. Yeah, I mean, under her nose, but she is wearing it. Right. Yeah, more than most are doing. So I can't, I mean, not that I could salsa dance anyway, but whoo.

Yeah, have it that. And then there's salsa that goes on forever. Nobody says anything. Nothing happens. And then it ends. And when it ends, I'm like, Oh, thank God that long boring salsa scene was over. But then I realized it was going to cut back to the movie. So it's like, I guess there's no reason to be relieved. Yeah. Sort of a damn. If you do situation. Yeah. Right. So okay. So Shane's back at therapy. He's talking about getting those texts from his dad and he's like, you know, they sure did change my overall opinion of my dad because, you know, they were only a week old. So I must have liked him relatively recently. And she's like Shane, Shane, I'd like you to try a therapeutic exercise. We call hating your mom instead.

Yeah, she gives him homework. She says, I want you to make a list of all your dad's good qualities and your dad's bad qualities and all your mom's good and bad qualities and all your good and bad qualities. Yeah, and it's like, so he has to go through all the good qualities about his dad. And it's like, um, he's extremely unself conscious about showing off his nipples. Wait, am I doing good or bad? I'm sure where this one goes. And so then we cut to like, dad, jealousy watching some other asshole play soccer with his son. Uh, the two least competent people to ever kick a football. This is enraging to watch.

I'm going to buy hat a moment here though, where I was like, is this, because you know, in America, we have a catch. Right. But do Europeans have a kick? Yes. Is that what you do? You have a kick with your dad? Yeah, you'd go, well, other people would go out and kick the ball out with their dad.

I've never seen, I've never called ever seen my dad kick a football. He wasn't a kind of play with the kids kind of guy, but other people, yeah, other people go out and kick the ball out with my with that with a dad. I've never seen, I've never called ever seen my dad kick a football. He wasn't a kind of play with the kids kind of guy, but other people, yeah, you go and have a kick about what you're done. Nice. Adorable. Nice. Amazing. So yeah, so he's watching, he's watching play and then Shane shows up to hang out with him.

And he's like, hi, you remember when we used to come out here and like enjoy each other's company and not hate each other, huh? Huh? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, dad, I remember. And he brought pizza from Vito's pizza. Now, let me be clear. There's like a 0.6 second shot of the top of this box. It's the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. I was like, I don't know why they made this for the movie. They didn't. It's a real pizza place in LA. I want you to go ahead and Google Veto's pizza. I've dropped it into our notes.

Tim, feel free to share this out. The only way I could represent the top of this pizza box is that Veto, this must be Veto. I was like, hey, can we put my face on the box for my pizza place? And they were like, sure. Do you want to shave or anything? And he was like, no, no.

Just use whatever photo you have with me and my mouth open. Like I'm being bodily removed from Olive Garden from proposing to my niece at her 16th birthday party. Do you have a photo of me? I'm sure of that. I'm sure the wizard didn't turn you a from a paga paga corn into a pizzeria owner for the purposes of this fish.

No. Exactly. Vito looks like he's this close to being inducted into podcast events at this point. That's what Vito looks like. And I guess if this movie can sneak and add for Vito's pizza into this scene, I feel like we can get away with it and add two. But first, let me give you back three of the hard stuff.

Will God ever factor into this movie in a way that affects the plot? Will Solsa ever factor into this movie in a way that affects the plot. We'll salsa ever factor into this movie in a way that affects the plot. Okay, how about and will there be something relevant to end at some point? By the end there's so these questions and more. We'll be returned for the fantastically on-inspired ending of God and salsa. Okay, you ready? And go. Guys, seriously, you're doing cocaine in between podcast segments.

This is just like QED all over again. Okay, first of all, Marsh, that wasn't cocaine, that was heroin. And Andy offered it, would have been rude to refuse. Thank you, yes. And second, this isn't cocaine, it's boner pills we got from the gas station. That was the only way we can, you know, be ready. All right. Well, first of all, none of that, just none of it.

And secondly, if you're dealing with ED and you're having trouble swallowing prescription medication, why don't you try Bluetooth? Ooh, is that where you melt down any freeze and then absorb the gas through your earholes? I've heard of that. Oh, you know, I did that in high school. No, no, it's not whatever that is. Bluetooth is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as biaggress, siales and levitra,

but in tubable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. You can take them any time day or night so you can plan ahead and be ready whenever an opportunity arises. Nice. So who do we have to, you know, buy a sticker from DeGedderstaff? No, no weird illegal stuff at all, none of it.

Just the process is really simple. Sign up at Bluetooth.com, consult with one of their license medical providers. And once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. And the best part, it's all done online. So there's no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and there's no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Plus, Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA and are prepared and shipped direct to your door in a discrete package. Wow, Marsh, that does sound good. Bluetooth was to help you have better sex. Discover your options at Bluetooth.com. chew it and do it. Oh, I'm sorry, no, I don't want to interrupt the sketch, but I had a little tapping on my

mic just now. Could you just read that last part one more time real quick, just the last part? Seriously. It's in the must reads. No, no, no, no. It's in the must reads. Chew it and do it. And we've got a special deal for our listeners.

Try bluechew free. When you use our promo code awful at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. That's BluTue.com promo code awful to receive your first month free. Visit BluTue.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BluTue for sponsoring this podcast. All right. Well, now that that's all sorted, can you guys stop snorting whatever it is that you snorted?

I'm going to tell you what we told Andy at QED Marsh. No. Exactly. No. Right. Okay. Right. Shoot it.

Do it. Um, John? Yes. So yeah, I've got a quick question about the scene that's coming up. The one between me and Shane. Uh, sure, what about it? Right. So I know the character of Shane is 17, but could we perhaps, you know, make him 20 maybe 21? Plenty of people still live at home when they're 21. No, no scripts as a 17. I don't really want to change that now. Sure. Sure. no, I understand that, but isn't have you air a little too old for 17?

Look, I understand your worry, but this is Lava land. They have older people playing teens all the time. Trust me. I suppose so. All right. And action. Listen, Shane, I know you're feeling trapped right now, but you have to know what? I said, shade, I know you're feeling trapped right now, but you have to know what

I said shade. I know you're feeling Trash shame you you are you you are shame no, I'm over here. Oh seriously keep rolling Anyway, you can't let those other boys pressure you one second. Let me put my pillow down so I can sit. So you can. What? There we go. That's better. Now, who's this Shane person? Seriously? See, stop breaking character. Fine. Shane, you have to not let the other boys peer-press you because you have so much to live for and you're only 17 there. Can we cut it now? Yeah, but we have to Why?

Well, how have you died of old age? Okay, yeah, that makes sense And we're back for some more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with Monica Shane and the little sister having dinner again. Mom is sick and damn tired of paying for all this therapy. All she's doing is talking about how expensive therapy is, how useless all this and it all reads

like an anti-Ely route for better help. I'm right. It's, but you know, Shane, you should probably stop going to this therapy all together. Your sister is in danger of being therapy. If we keep this up much longer, your sister isn't ready for therapy. She is a turtle.

Do you realize that going to therapy could traumatize her so badly that she needs to go to therapy? I know. Right. Mom seems to think they're getting anti therapy somehow or something. But the sister's like, I love you, mom and dad's a piece of shit. And we're all like, oh, she's she can speak. Yeah, we just learned that. And this is what I thought, oh, okay. Is the system meant to be way younger than the actress playing her, which is why they've got addressed in Dungarees and Piquet Hills, but they can't have her speak because it betrayed the fact that she's not four or whatever she's meant to be in this. Oh, it's just saying that makes sense to me. All right. Yeah. No, I get it. So yeah, but then Shane apologizes for not hating dad enough and

for liking going to therapy and mom forgives him. Yeah. So then we get him, he's pulling up at therapy again, but he parks back in the handicap spot. So apparently he's back to his battled ways again. Yeah. And he quits therapy. Yeah. You know, you know, our friends at BetterHelp make changing therapists easy and free. Yes. Is this why he says he made a huge mistake.

He did just like, he's leaving therapy because therapy is bringing out the spaniard in him and so he wants to basically what's happening, I think. I'm not even left handed, it switches to no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the lawyer and I said, why does it look like the lawyer, like this phone call has interrupted his wank? That's what he does. Yeah. There's a real, there's a real sweaty mid-corpus vibe going on here.

Also, like they're workshopping blackmail. He's like, I don't know. He's poison him. Can you poison him? Do you have a magic fairy who could steal his eyes? She's like, well, I want a hundred percent custody of the kids. He's like, oh, that's going to be expense.

I mean, difficult to do. Can you can you frame him for something? Maybe a murder or something? Can you kill somebody? Maybe or what do you think? What do you, what do you do? And she's like, I could probably, I could talk my daughter into pretending to be abused. And he's like, oh, that's good.

It's actually really good. So okay. So Monica calls Rick Allen. She's like, Hey, you know, you were saying you wanted to therapy my daughter. And I think that would be a great idea now that we're trying to frame my husband for a bit. I mean, now that she has more free time on her schedule. so what do you say about the next scene and she's like yeah no the next scene would be great. Yeah it's like when can she come in it's like oh well I think I can have a off book by Friday. So we get mom and Amanda going to therapy they're wearing matching outfits. Why are they dressed exactly alike? Why have they done that? It's so weird.

It's fucking weird, yeah. Now look, if you're gonna tell Mommy's lies, you're gonna wear Mommy's fashion. I guess. Yeah. So yeah, so she goes in to talk to the therapist and she's like, you know, the therapist is like, what do you think your brother?

And she's like, yeah, he's weird and annoying. And I really don't see why he would have a Spanish accent, even if, I mean, because his parents would have been American, even if he was born in Spain, but it doesn't make any sense. And she's like, so what do you think of your dad? And he's like, well, dad does some terrible things. He's like, ooh, like what? And then we cut away and we see Monica eviling

out in the waiting room. Right. Yeah, she's using her super hearing to listen in through the walls. Is what it looks like she's doing. Right. Right. Yeah, she's using her super hearing to listen in through the walls is what it looks like she's doing. Right. Yeah, because we can still hear them talking.

Yeah. But we cut back to the therapist's office, you know, after the abuse allegation has happened and she's like, oh, really? I don't know that I believe you, child, who has just entrusted me with a story of abuse. That seems a little suspicious. You seem pretty coached to me. Yeah. Is that what kind of abuse does he do? Is that I don't know? You seem pretty coached to me. Yeah. Is that what kind of abuse does he do?

Is that I don't know. My mom didn't prep me on that bit. I'm a leaven. She didn't give me specifics. I'm supposed to just vampit. We're using the same script me a Pharaoh used on it. I guess he could pass you around. So yeah, so but mom and Amanda leave.

She watches them leave through her security footage on her computer again. They go in slow motion and they're dressed exactly the same. So it has a very gender swap reservoir dogs feel to it. Oh, absolutely. Yes. And then Raquel gets a call from dad. And he's like, hey, you know, I just got noticed that my wife is trying to get 100% custody.

And she's like, yeah, she just had your daughter come in and pretend that you abused her too. And he's like, yeah, are you allowed to tell me that? And she's like, yeah, she just had your daughter come in and pretend that you abused her too. And he's like, you're allowed to tell me that. And she's like, not at all. Not even remote. No, not even a little. I should go to jet not just lose my license. I should go to jail for the sentence I just said to you.

They said they're just chatting really casually about fault. He's not even disgusted. He's not like, I rate it. It's like, oh, did she say the abusing? Yeah, she said the abusing. Oh, she's calling me. And I always do that. Pond of G seven. Am I right? You know, that old boom. And Raquel's basically got her priorities all wrong here. She's like, yeah, you know, if you get set down for decades over false abuse allegations, I might not be able to be your son's therapist anymore. Yes. Basically,

her response here. Yeah. She's like, if you get 100%, if she gets 100% custody show, show and therapy right away. And I'm like, feels like you're mostly worried about your paycheck. Now, Rick, how maybe you want to rephrase that? What am I going to do? Wait for another walk in in this strip mall where I have my therapy center.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I was thinking of dancing around outside and a giant brain costume, trying to pull through the lens. Like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Be way easier if you just won custody of your kids. So then we get Rick Hell driving home, listen to the next couple minutes of Pastor John Sermon. Okay.

I have to point out a totally meaningless scene because I have a conspiracy theory about it. Okay. We watch Dad selling a car and the guys like, you K if I pay and cash that never comes up It never matters except here's my theory. I think again This all is all an excuse for this abusive dad to re advocate his divorce through his weird salsa movie I guarantee you that scene is in there so you can say that's why I had all that cash that they said I'm buying the money from her.

Yes. I wasn't. No, I just installed my car for I was going to tell her about it, but I sold for cash. Yeah. Like the next scene is him like coming across some teens and confiscating that bag of coke that they've got. And that's why the coke as well. The girl was drowning. So I was given her mouth to met and put them the pool. That's why she was on the gotcha earthquake. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So, so we get that scene that we get more aloof salsa dancing. I got to be honest with you because there's so many scenes in here where she's like, it's supposed to be salsa dancing, but her heart's not really in it. By the end of this, I kind of had a thing

for a loose salsa dance. I mean, you cannot deny that God and salsa has delivered on the salsa. You've got to give this to the family. If any of you have more salsa in this than I thought there would be. There's certainly more salsa in this than the plot recommends.

Right. So, and then we have dad like trying to get his, because like dad can't afford one of them fancy, shmancy lawyers, like mom has. So we have him like desperately trying to pay his lawyer enough money to get her to do the lawyer thing for him. Yeah, and it's like if he can't find any more money, he's got to sell the shirt. That's barely on his back.

Yeah. I have four unused buttons. Yeah, I give you the shirt off my back. That's why it's on button, actually. Hey, that is easier. So meanwhile, Rekelyn, her boss are in his office. They're lamenting the shame that got away. And that makes sense because he's the only patient that we've seen in this entire fucking

clinic at any point, right? So he matters a lot to them. And the boss explains at this point, he is like, you know, with all these abuse allegations and everything, you're probably going to have to testify at the custody hearing. And she's like, oh, I bet that'll be a very important and pivotal part of the movie. Wownity's like, we're sure going to build it up like it is going to be yes. We sure are going to build it up like that. And hey, if someone's advice about your testimony is don't let them break you, you're probably not on the right side of the wall.

So then we get Shane Leven school and his friend shows up. This is not somebody we've met yet in the movie. His friend shows somebody's like, Hey, man, do you want to go do drugs and engage in other risk behaviors? And he's like, I don't know. I'm not so sure. I mean, what kind of pressures do you have to apply to me? And he's like, well, I've got some peer pressure. And he's like, that'll do it. I will drive you to the

risk behavior, but I won't get involved. He's like, oh, you're getting more. He's like, yeah, I'll get. Later on, I'm going to make a movie called Tacos and Ballroom Dancing. That's all about how you're the one who actually did all the drugs. It's a family tradition. But this is friend who's all so Spanish. Is like, is every, why is every incidental character in this movie a native Spanish? Was this a tax thing? Was it just cheap at his film? I don't know. And also, his friend says to him about, because he's going to take him to a party, his friend says, you know, my friend,

he's got the place, his dad's out of town. If you know what I mean, I don't know what else you could mean. You can only make one fake. He said, you've missed him for dead. It's a way of you from his for dead. You know, he's dad's out of town. Winking noise. He's in a fugues state. I get it. My sister. So, okay. So we had this, this rooftop party, the dude promised a party. He's like, no, Anthony's having a big party on a rooftop. So I wrote in the notes. So we head to the rooftop party. Party is a gross overstabit. They do not have enough people there for a decent game of code names. They do not. It's an Eli party. It's just one guy sitting there drinking a single six-pack of a white clause by himself. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. They've got three cans of beer out.

That's all they've got. I've got a six 10 to this party. Three guys, three cans of beer. Wow. Yeah. You might as well organize a work trip to just to be like, yeah, no, we should all get together once a year. Yeah. They say you guys want to talk about whether London recording or the symphonic recording of Les Mises better. So Shane looks out over the rooftops. They justify renting that drone, right? With that. Yeah. And then meanwhile,

Raquel is at home asking God why he was on his 15 when her daughter killed herself, right? Yeah. She's like, mad at him for not existing again. But she's like, she's doing the thing where she's looking up at him. And I really wanted to be not God that she was talking to, but we just pan back and there's just the tall guy from Salsa just to the front of her. I'm sorry, I was dancing.

I'm sorry. Would it help if I squished you down into aie tiny tennis bowl. Like a chocolate orange. So, and she's like, you know who I need to talk to is that old nun from the flashbacks. Well, I'll give her a call so she calls the nun, but dammit, if the nun didn't just die last week. What does this have to do with you? So fucking stupid. Also, the nun she calls, she's like she died and she's like, oh that's

terrible. She's like, she's in heaven with Jesus now and I wanted her to be like, I get it. That's your plan. How are we supposed to think is the nun's death meant to be kind of like, oh, it's all going so bad for this lady because like, oh, her daughter died and now the nuns died, but we don't know how long a gap there was in between because there's no sense of time in this movie. It's like, wow, what a bad week slash month slash decade this lady appears to be having is the best we can do. So okay.

So then you cut back to Shane at the rooftop party lit and he's calling his mom to lie about where he is and why he's not home yet. He's like, oh, you know, I stayed for the game and then me and my book my buddies didn't go out and get a bite to eat and she's like, okay Don't overdose unfit. No, well, you're out at the game. He's like, well, I won't mind my promise I won't and then he starts weeping and can I just say if there's a three person party and one person is crying You notice yeah, you do notice well. Well, I think they do notice, but they just do what I would do to pretend it's not happening because that's super awkward. Yeah.

So, so, so, so, so, so, we get, so, so, so, we get, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, And two of the chicks that are from the class go, huh, what's up with Raquel? And we're like, nothing. I think there was, like, I don't know what that actor was supposed to be conveying as she walked in, but she literally just walked by you. It's all because the psychotics who wrote this movie were like, and that night, when Shane was going to kill himself, and my favorite nun died, that's when I really needed to dance it out. And they were like, oh, we will definitely make sure to point to that in the movie. That's just as important as everything else that's happening.

And it is actually technically. Yeah. So yes, so she does more aloof salsa at this point, literally my kink. And we head back to the rooftop party. Shane has decided that he wants to buy some fentanyl from one of the guys at the party. I'd like one drugs, please. Yeah.

One drug. And he just hands over a massive water of cash for the one drugs. Like, he's all of my money, thank you very much. And of course, the drug dealers are like, yeah, I don't need to count the serverify in a mountain anyway. That's not how drugs work at all.

Here's your drugs. Here's your drugs in exchange for the money, got it. Yeah, and he's like, of course, don't, but whatever you do, don't kill yourself with these again. I, my whole thing is, is repeat customers. And he's like, no, I won't, I won't kill myself with that. And he's like, sure, you're sure, because I gave you enough to kill yourself

with 16 fucking times. And he's like, no, I won't, I won't kill myself with that. He's like, sure, you're sure, because I gave you enough to kill yourself with 16 fucking times. And he's like, no, no. You promise? Click the box, click the box, and then tell me everything that's about just to make sure you. So now we've got, we've got a loop salsa dancing. We've got a rooftop depression montage. And suddenly into that, we layer over Pastor John's sermon. Some

more. He's now telling the parable of a guy who was down in a hole. Yeah, so I didn't realize it was Pastor John to begin with. And I thought it was the DJ was just starting to do some spoken with parable all the fancy music, which is a bold artistic direction to take. Also, I've heard this parable a bunch of times across a bunch of these movies. This is a terrible parable. Oh, yes. Dumb. It's terrible. It's so fucking dumb. So here it is, he says, there's a guy and he's down in a hole and a dude shows up with a rope, but the rope is too short and then a different guy shows up with a ladder, but the ladder wasn't tall enough. And I'm like, well, you just

need to get the rope guy and the ladder guy there. It's the same fucking time problem. So, but then a third guy comes by with a shovel and he jumps into the hole with the guy. He's like, well, now we're both trapped in here. But the guy with the shovel is like, yes, but I know the way out, which is presumably to dig them themselves out. That's the parable. Right. But if that guy knew the way out, could he know, it's just yelled directions?

Yeah. Talk down the shovel. Talk down the shovel. Yeah. And it's, it's, I was talking down the shuttle. Talk down the shuttle. Yeah. And it's, I looked it up. It's like an AA parable. So it's supposed to be like, I was an addict and you're an air, but it doesn't work for other shit.

No, you can't just be like, no, trust me. If you see someone in danger, you put yourself in that danger and then start giving instruction. She's also taking a fentanyl or something. My passion wasn't super clear about what we're trying to do here. So yeah, so but just then Shane calls Raquel, but she's busy salsa dancing and I'm like, oh my god, it's also going to kill this kid in the end. It's also killed Shane. This is my favorite movie. Right? Yeah, that's just a twist. I did. If the end of this movie was just her killed Shane. This is my favorite movie. Right. Yeah, that's just a twist. I did.

If the end of this movie was just her going, ah, fuck credits are 100% in. 100% in. But there is this dumbass, you know, one of these stupid pseudo miracles that Christians try to pretend matter. She's like, God like tells her that her cell phone is ringing. So she goes to check her purse. And I'm like, I feel like God's miracles shouldn't have so much crossover with like my smart watches

to keep sure. Just. Yeah, it's not relying on her spidey sense going off of the phone call. Yeah. The miracle of the not missed phone call is won't they say that's the miracle we've got going on. Exactly.

The miracle of that time my phone rang and I answered it. Or actually, she doesn't, she misses his call, right? She has to call him right back and she's like, Hey, tell me where you are so we can have a big dramatic final scene together. I really wanted them to do the awkward when like you miss someone's call, but they're leaving you a message so then you leave them a message and then they go, Oh, no, I missed a call. And then just like 26 minutes of that. Yeah, we'll love this stop calling, stop calling.

Out of all you said in the text, yeah, the great thing is she's trying to talk him down and she's like, you know, just tell me where you're out with the old drama, but she's still in the salsa class. So it's got a very loud salsa music in the background. So just tell me where you are. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't. Oh, sorry, it's just too catchy. I can't see. I am listening. I am a rimmering while you're talking me where you are. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don backwards, suicide straight to salsa music transitions that now we need to ramp that up. So there's something else for the movie to offer you.

He might as well be cutting his wrist to the beat at this point. Sometimes the level of security. And part of me thought, like, look, it's going to be really rough on her if he does jump and he dies. Unless she just leans into it and makes it her thing, like in the ad first, like, got a shitty relative you want to take care of? Bring it to me. I've got this.

Because remember, it's not murder if they do it themselves. Okay. All right. So we cut that she's prey driving as hard fast as she can. Actually, she's not even going particularly fast. She's just sort of, yes. Also, she's doing that as opposed to calling 911, which is what she should be doing. Yes. As a therapist, I feel like she should have a set procedure for exactly the scenario and praying and driving are in neither of those scenarios. Right.

What any part of this is. You know what it is? She missed the emergency situations workshop because she was doing the drop of heavy book to get their attention. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That gets you.

So yes, but she had, oh, she finishes her non-flashback on the way over. to get their attention. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That gets you. So yes, but she heads, oh, she finishes her non-flashback on the way over. And then she speeds up, which means that she was kind of just, you know, the emozion before that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I get it. She wasn't quite rushing.

She was rushing to save his life like medium piss because it cost a few these days. You want to drive efficiently. No, right. The laughing sense. Gasp and noise. She's kind of a jerk. I get it. So, so she gets to the rough times. She runs up and we see Shane and Shane has about 37 gallons of nose drool.

Yes. Dripping off of his face. Yeah. He's like, he's, he's in a web of his own snout. Oh, it's, it's, it's disgusting. He's saying he keeps that through all of this through weekly, he's shouting, I can't stop it, but he's got so much snot coming out of his nose, it makes it sound like he can't stop the snot. And like he's worried about like bleeding out

from snot or something like that. Yeah. And like I spent last week in bed with cold. I get it. My body's losing all of its salt. And It's just a tiny moment between the two actors, but he's like, okay, this is ridiculous. He wipes his giant snot booger on his arm, but it's the arm that's close to her. And it's very obvious that it's in the stage direction she's supposed to like touch him, but she does. She's just like, well, that's the arm covered in snot now. So they're there, Shane. She said with her words and nothing else, they're there. So, yeah, so she, but she's learned something here today.

She says, I just figured this out just now when you were wiping snot off your face with your fucking arm, like some kind of goddamn barbarian. She says, you know, sometimes when you're so far down deep in the hole, you need someone else to shine the light. And everyone, we asked Shane, the actress herself, goes, fuckin' what? Yeah, what? Yeah.

What does that even mean? But the music is pretty sure she's nailing us. Oh, the skull thinks this is absolutely inspirational. Yeah. Yeah. She does that. It's not your fault, bit, from goodwill hunting. He does it to her.

It's not your fault with your kid. Oh, that's right. It is, right? We covered that at the start. It was her fault. Yeah, that's a sad note. I'm sorry I'm doing this, mom, but it's very much on you. Yeah, but that was enough for him.

So he's decided not to take the, and I paused and counted the number of pills in his God damn hand. 24 fentanyl that he had there. Yes. 28 billion dollars were. Okay. So, legit, legit, like 40 bucks a pill. That's like a thousand, almost a thousand dollars worth of.

Yeah. It is a comically large handful of pills. I think that's what he needed her to bring a shovel fall. So he could like, carry these bills. Now the parable makes sense. Yeah. So he just drops these 24 fentanyl bills.

There's lethal amount of fentanyl times 16 or whatever on the roof. And he's like, I'm sure some birds will find a person. So okay. We cut to the next day Monica gets a phone call from Raquel. Right. And if this ringtone on the phone call had gone on any longer Raquel would have turned up to dance to it. That's how long this riff is. So but Monica at first is she's like, you know, I don't want to deal with you anymore.

I found out that your own daughter died a suicide So you're a terrible therapist And she's like actually I was calling to tell you about the The lie thing that you had your daughter tell me and I'm gonna pretend to play along with it She's like, oh right. Yes, my nefarious plot shit shit. Yes. No, in that case. I am in we can talk So they meet up together, and we have this moment where like, Raquel is trying to kind of explain to her, like,

hey, look, I know you're trying to like turn your kids against their dad, and I know that you like told your daughter to pretend that the dad's abusive and everything. But like Monica is aggressively not getting it. Yeah, because Rachel's sort of, Raquel is trying to be like polite about it and sort of talking in hypotheticals, like, so say someone wants to do this, this is the kind of thing

they might do. And Monica's like, hmm, interesting. What about me and my kids? How do you, aggressively misunderstanding the point this way? It hired flashbacks to be reasonable interviews that I found the way out, but exactly the same ton. I'm, you just need marsh to get on the like, do you not think that some people might say? What do you say to the argument that? So but ultimately, Rick House like, she's like, look, I'm sick of beating around the fucking bush. I know that you told your daughter to lie and say that Matt abused her.

And I will testify to as much in court. She's like, really? Just based on your hunch, she's like, based on my hunch. Yes, that's how these things work. She says, all right, well, I'll see you in court. And we think to ourselves, wow, this has really been building up to this big custody hearing. I guess that's the big act three moment in this movie, the big, and then we cut to

that being over. Yes. Amazing. My favorite thing is this entire fucking film. Literally at this point, the only stakes left in the film, his suicide dealt with, Nakame Nishima, the only stakes left is who gets custody, and it's resolved in 15 seconds and six words of dialogue, which is the length of this custody scene resolved. It's amazing.

Yeah, no, we cut immediately to a judge hitting a fucking gavel and going like petition for 100% custody is denied. And we're like off camera. Really, this all happened. It's weird. That is really fucking weird. And we see Monica Stormoff.

We cut back to Shane and Amanda, like sit at home watching birthday party videos of the whole family back when things were good and everybody was happy. Yep. Two days ago. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. They were all the same age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They had the same haircuts. And mom walks in while they're watching it.

And Shane turns it off like they she just caught him watching porn. She had eyes on it. Absolutely. Exactly. What happens? Yes. How dare you have happy memories. And Shane's like, you know, I love your mom, but that's not as bad as you say is. So she slaps the fuck out

it. She does. And his face would be seriously red if he wasn't wearing so much fake tan. Yeah. And the hand must come away or already. You can probably see powder flying through there. I have to say. Yeah. Like he was cleaning our racers. Yeah. Yeah. I expect to slow motion like we see the helmet split open.

Here it cracks. Oh, hair helmets. You can see the lives we've saved. Yeah. And but she's like, if you like your dad, then why don't you go live with him? And he's like, fine, I will. And he grabs his backpack and she kicks him out. She doesn't give him time to like put any stuff in his backpack.

No, she takes his car keys and she sends him out with like, you know, his homework. So we get Shane arriving at dad's place now and being very excited to hang out with him at Heath's apartment. Also apartment, dad. I love how there's no distracting art on the walls or furniture.

Yeah. This is probably great for recording your podcast. Yeah. I feel bad about talking about Heath while he's not here. Oh, sorry, we weren't talking about Heath. Oh, never mind that. So, and he's like, don't worry. I've got a pizza on the way. And I'm surprised. He didn't say a veto's trademark pizza on the way.

Vito, I mean, as long as there are no children that live in this building, Vinny will deliver it himself. His angle breaks. Let you understand. And he's like, do you want to sports bond a sports bond together is like sure do the games about to come on The game's on in five minutes and this TV is not already on you missing all the build up You don't know the team's gonna the team sheet's gonna be these amateurs fucking idiots All right, so then we cut back to past your job But he's not on video anymore He's in the fucking flesh because Rikkel is back at

church, baby. Oh, yeah. Why? We don't know why. But I don't know. There's nothing. There's no reason for me back there. That redemptive arc has not been resolved. No. And this is, this is one of those amazing like dumb fucking shit pastors say and pretend means something kind of moments. The pastor says, and I quote, God is closer than your own breath. He's where your pain and reality intersect. What? Fucking reality intersects with all things and all the times in all the location. That's what reality is. What the fuck with that possibly me?

Anyways, I marveled at that for so fucking long trying to parse meaning out of that dumbass. It's pretty impressive. Yeah. I mean like surely pain is where you'll pain and reality into seconds. Yes. So God is pain. What are you saying? But the crowd loves it. They go, fuck, and not see gets a standing ovation from the 11 people in this white church. This sivie has little church. And it says the crowd loves it. We hear them absolutely loving it. We hear them going wild at one of his jokes, but then the cameraman makes the mistake of panning to the audience who are in stony, dead-faced silence while we hear them going wild at one of his jokes, but then the cameraman makes the mistake of panning to the audience who are in stony, dead, fierce silence while we hear them going wild. Yeah.

Yeah. So, but at the end of the ceremony, he gets a standing ovation or everybody just really has to pee. It's one of those, those two things. And then we head back to work where the boss comes in and says, Hey, Rick, how would you believe we've got another walk in another walk in, right? What do you mean another? The last walk in was this entire movie ago. Right. How long does this movie think that was? What is the time period? This movie thinks there's

a lapse between those two walkings. Well, whatever it is, it's long enough for like custody to be like custody hearings to resolve. Yeah. So probably years. Yep. So, wow, we got another walk in just like we didn't back in 2019. So yeah, so, but I wrote in my nose like, oh, please tell me they're setting up a sequel. But no, it's Shane. He's come back in to tell her that things are okay and he's still not killed himself and uh, and now he's going off to college. Yeah, and I wanted to add also Amanda killed herself. Yeah, it turns out leading a raulow and cut off an agree even if he'd have not assist was

not a super good idea in retrospect. And to show you how prophetic Eli was, this is the point where I wrote my nose. What was this movie about? Like seriously, is this just some strange dad writing a movie about what a piece of shit his exes? So yeah, I got there eventually. It just took me a little bit of years. I also love to, the rekel tells Shane before he leaves.

She's like, hey, by the way, you can call me any time. And I'm like, I'll charge you money for it, of course. Yeah. I'm on the clock. I'm not denying you my service and feature. You're not bad. Yes. And he's like, oh, there's this great line where he says, you know,

you may never have become a nun, but you sure are an angel. Oh. I've got nothing yet. It's, you might as well say, you know, God is central to this movie. I'm not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that.

I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. I'm just not saying that. And we see her put that cross that she threw away at the beginning of the movie back on. She's back in with Jesus now. That's right.

So she goes into the club and dammit if Matt divorced dad isn't there at the salsa club to salsa dance with her. Yeah. A therapy patient's turned up at a salsa class, which is totally cool apparently. She's no particular by that. At apparently. She's not the turn by that at all. At all. She's like, fun. Yeah.

Let's hint at a romantic connection between us. Yeah. That's right. And what I really wanted here was it to be a twist ending and it turns out she's been dating him the entire time she's been on his side the whole time and they're both monsters who gasp little woman and her child. That would be an amazing twist. I mean, I got news for you, Marsh. I got good news for you. Yeah. Like, oh my God. And also,

like it pans back. And the judge is also at the Salcik class. The judge, he awarded her the therapy in the first place. Yeah. Yeah. Like like the Salcik class system sort of like free maize. But yeah, I mean, that might be the story behind the story, but the real story is that they just salsa the night away and we wind up with credits. So to wrap things up once more, I want to put you guys in charge of the marketing. What should the tagline for this movie be? Ooh, God and salsa, technically both in the movie. I had a God and salsa because if you're not pandering to Hispanic Christians, you're just

leaving money on the table. Oh, there you go. All right. Well, I guess that's going to do it for our review of Garden Salsa, but it's not going to you do it for the episode, Jasek, because we still need to stumble back into this whole next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. We'll be watching Kids vs Wizards, a Russian propaganda film about a series of Russian children

who fight the evil, anti-Christian children from Harry Potter universe. What? What? Yeah, Kids vs Wizards. Okay, all right. So with that great amazing mystery to unravel next week, I guess we can bring episode 392 to a merciful close Once again a huge thanks to Mars for all his help you should check the show notes for links to find some of this other stuff And perhaps even huge and thanks to all the patreon donors that help make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among

They're actually like a prepsido donation at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows. This is getting the AES citation to the D&D minus and the Scepticrat available wherever podcast slip. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoff with movies at gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slot, and we'll be with you on the next episode.

All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right knee-lybosonic I'm an allusions promise to work harder another track next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The fact that Matt's school never even bothered to investigate accusations about him sleeping with students continued to worry literally nobody for some reason, right? Some kid went on to find 24 vet no on a roof, just looking like a bunch of discarded camp.

Pfft! Requel! Lost the shit out of her therapist license. Right? I'm really gonna have to carry this episode health wise. Yeah. Which is not normally healthy. Yeah, no visual migraines for you today. No, I like the idea that we were snorting heroin. Just casually. Yeah. It's in their swag bag.

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