God Awful Movies - 396: Dilly Loves Kitty

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

This week, the gang is live in Seattle to breakdown Dilly Loves Kitty, the story of a dude stalking a catatonic lady because he's in love with her 2nd grade yearbook photo. And no, the movie never realizes that's the de facto bad guy. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Hi! I'm Carl the Pucka Pecka-Con. Welcome to God of the Movies Live from Seattle! Please take a moment to silence yourself, phones, and... if you have a Volvo with the license plate, World Dash and Miz are for real, you did leave your lights on, so go check that and now welcome to this stage the one the only Thank you. Thank you so much. Holy shit, there's a lot of you. Wow. Wow, that's a hell of a crowd. Thank you so much for coming out. You may have noticed my limp on the way out. Don't let Eli tell you any different. I did not fall off the stage. Because that wouldn't apply that I made it all the way up

onto the stage before I fell. All right, I know Carl the Pugga Pegacorn already asked you to do a little of the cheering to begin with, but we're going to do it one more time here. So here we go. Officially this time. I wanted an honest answer there. It's like, so I stalked you like a bum.

It almost gave up. God gave me a sign. No, he didn't. I lied about it. Gas lit myself. I love it. I don't know that religion has ever been described better than I gas lit myself.

That was really good. It was really good. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Where's that t-shirt? Yeah, right? God awful.

Movie. Welcome to God off a movie's live from Seattle. Oh, just two, kind. Thank you so much. I guess eventually I do have to stop you. So, all right. this is of course the show where each we'd be sampling other selection from Christian cinema because otherwise y'all motherfuckers would riot but before we get going I need you to join me and welcome to this

stage my good friend Heathen Wright. All right. Yes. Hello, Antifa. Welcome. Awesome. Yeah. Seattle. Awesome. Yeah. Seattle, just murdering Republicans and riding fixed-year bikes all around.

Yeah. You can buy a bike and avocado toast everywhere I went. Yep. And a key to you. Yep. It's great. Fuck, yeah. So what's drinking there?

Oh, great question. It's Sparkle Donkey, Tequila. Oh, really? It is the best. Sparkle Donkey, the Tequila for fucking your day. Sparkle Donkey, give it to a child. They're not going to keep giving me free stuff. If you fuck up your logo.

Come on. It's really good though. It is, it's notes of tequila. I don't know. Yes. Ethanol, flutter of Ethanol. Yes, yeah, no, of course, of course. It's nice. And also joining us today,

please make some noise for my bad friend Eli Bosnich. Wasn't it? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Did they guard me? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah Oh no! Listeners at home, Elias come out wearing a leprechaun hat, carrying a bucket of potatoes, wearing a hair band. He's a design, you're a great grandfather. I've run out of potatoes.

There's only one word for this. And it's Holocaust. You must call this the only appropriate term I can think of for this moment. Oh wait, I found one, but I'm not allowed to eat this one. So I'll just die and let my family die as well. Oh, no, call this the Holocaust. Look, here's the thing. I'm not racist anymore anymore except against the Irish.

They're all I have left. And when you're born in upstate New York, you need to be purged from your system. It's a ketosis situation. I assume you'll be wanting these. Actually, yeah. Spag-a-darky. Alright. Fuck. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. All right. Fuck. I shouldn't have committed to biting the potato. Yeah, all right.

So given the fact that I've literally already taken a spill off this stage, I'm picking up these fucking potatoes. I do like that we actually started on a Holocaust joke this time though, that's only one direction to go from there, I guess. Oh, there's cheese got put up, I got it. Yes. Yes, baby doll, oh these, thank you, thank you. Now cheese. The cheese will find him. Please don't feed he Heath cheese during the program. We need to hang up a fucking silence. This is going to be the Wisconsin show all over again. Yes, sir.

There he is. This is our brand new merch. This is from a line we call at a loss. It's a tri blend, it's a very powerful one. So it is, it is. Yeah, give it up for tri blends. Fuck yeah. Those two people. Right.

Yikes. That was rough. So quick eat the cheese. Baby no. The cheese were fucking dead. That's why it's a baby bell. I love it. I've got a niece here tonight that doesn't really know our shows and isn't getting any

of these inside jokes. I feel like I have to bump you up on the wheels somewhere or something. All right. So here we go. Tell us, what will we be breaking down today? Maybe I'll choose a solution. Okay, so after. I'm still today? Maybe I'll choose a song. No, okay, so after... I was deleting.

I got it. Alright. Faster, quick. Tell us your fears. Dilly. Too slow. No, Dilly loves Kitty. We watched Dilly loves Kitty.

Who else watched it? Yeah. Wow. I like that there was a big mood to be. There was like a grumble through the audience Yeah, like we invited on fucking Dave Chappelle as again. Hey, Dave Chappelle I was so terrified with where that joke was going When you see the terror

Yes, no, I sense you see how I was good it was good Yes, no, I was like, I can see how wide my eyes are. It was good, it was good. You were. So what was, what was Dilly, love Skitty the story of? It was a story, I don't know. I have no idea. I watched it twice. I have no fucking, I spent the entire double watching

in this movie trying to figure out what it's about. Right. Most of my notes are like, it's 45 minutes in. Still a lot of no. Never really out there. I don't know. I thought what it's about. Right. Most of my notes are like, it's 45 minutes in, still up. No. Never really out there. I don't know. The inevitable slow march of death, it's the moment that's up.

I don't. This to God. This question is rarely harder than it is today, yes. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved Forest Gump, but you hated its delicate approach to illness and the nuance of its character is in, you will love this movie. Okay. So, I have a super important question here and this comes from one of our listeners on

Facebook. Do you guys think that Dilly loves Kitty is just the closest to Christian movie title can get to penis loves vagina? Right? I mean, because Dilly and Kitty... Thank you. Right? So I don't think penis loves vagina though.

Based on the movie. Okay. Okay. Oh, that's fair. I was like, hey man, I need you not to work this out on this. No, you know how like when you're about to fucking woman, you feel nauseous and you're like, this isn't me, this isn't me. Why'd you all get weird?

Quiet. You have to think about your dad just like at the beginning. Oh okay, no one here ever came to the thought of their dad. I'm the weirdo. Sparkle time. Turn it up because sponsors again. No, no. But that actually leads to an important question. I think we need to address right away because this is not going to be clear when we start

describing this movie, which is, is this movie earnest or are they just fucking with their Christian ought? I think it is. I think it's earnest goes to hospice earnest. It's fucking earnest. It's from the heart. Yeah, that's the plot of the movies about. There it was.

I finally got there. No, there you go. So the thing is, is that I was not sure, I watched the movies an hour and one minute, right? And that's it. So I was not sure the answer to that question until we reached the 53 minute mark, which is where the dance number starts. We'll get to that later. The first dance number. Well, yeah, that was quite earnest.

Let me tell you. Okay. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst, really angry old Christian lady. Who wants to fuck? Yes! They were talking about the lady in the diner, right?

In the diner. Yeah, we're gonna get to that scene right at the beginning. There's an angry, angry old lady. She's just abusive to the diner's staff. And then the main character is like, John 314 says God is love. She's like, look at me, splooos!

This is 95. Let's do this. Yep. I don't know much. I don't know. I'm like get right away. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Instead of sluice.

Oh, yeah, right. Vaginal trinus. Anytime I start to make a joke where I say vaginal genus, I remember that there's at least one spouse in the audience who is just like, oh, we can go see the podcast you missed. And right now their elbow is just dig, just dig it. Okay, so I'm not going to tell you who it is, Eli, but I was watching the audience closely and at least two people that I can see from right here when you said vaginal dryness went. We know our audience, we get those audible metrics.

So I was going to go with best worse plot backsees. Right, so this movie establishes a plot about 37 minutes into its 61 minute runtime. And then like eight minutes later, it's like, man, that's shit. That was shit. Never mind. It's glorious. It's fucking glorious. I'm gonna take the easy one. Noah, Artie, hint at it. I'm gonna go with best worst dancing. Oh, fuck, yeah. Look, I only have a few dreams in this world. Punching Ted Cruz in the face. Woo!

Having sex with that mitten from that children's book about the mitten that gets really big. What? And trick-o-heath into a dance circle where everyone goes silent at the minute he starts dancing. You did that at your wedding. I did do that at my wedding, but I wanted again, and I need it. But this movie is the movie version of that.

Yes. Right. There are several moments where you can tell everyone off camera was just like, I can't believe you did it. We're going to put this on the internet forever. Yeah, I know. He knows. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we have some very enigmatic bullshit to sort through in this review, so we're gonna take a quick break to warm our brains up, but we're back in a flash with all the stalking that is, Dilly Lo loves Kitty. Cheers!

This episode of Sponsored by BetterHelp. As you know, we are sponsored by BetterHelp. We love BetterHelp online therapy. And I figure what better way to incorporate that than to get down here and talk to the people. So how would you say your parents most failed you? Well, I'm glad you asked because if you're starting to think you're given therapy a try, give better help a try.

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Discover your potential with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash all the day, get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P. dot com slash awful. I love you. I love you. Alright. Stupid friends and actors think they're so cool.

Hey, hey, they're champ. Why so glum? Oh, hey, Grandpa. Well, it's bad news about that movie I wrote. Willie loves Willie or something. Yeah, Dilly loves Kitty. I wrote it and I sent it to a bunch of actors, but nobody will be in it. Everyone just keeps saying,

this movie is so bad, I used it to disinfect crime scenes. Crime scenes. Yeah, I got it. I got it. That's what they'll tell you. Well, so why don't grandma and I act in your movie? I can be, I don't know, some damn body

and she can be kitty. I don't know, grandpa. Don't you think people will notice that the love interest is 30 years older than me? I mean, it works for Richard Geer. Hooray! Your movie's fucking terrible. Yeah, it's terrible, I really been.

And we're back! And I'll tell you what, right away, we know we're in for a treat with this movie because first of all, no production logos. None! None! No humans were willing to admit being part of this movie. This movie was as close to unproduced as you can be and still be a god awful movie. I expected a little gnome to come and peel the YouTube logo back.

No man, we're not fucking but this one. If you want to watch it, you can watch it. This is some deep web shit. And then, and then, so instead of production logos, we get an opening title card that just says, South Texas. That's a really bad start. Yeah.

South Texas, the only wrong way to leave North Texas. Yeah. Jesus. South Texas, the only wrong way to leave North Texas, yeah. Jesus. And so the narrator comes up and he goes, I'm dearly bailed. And I wrote my nose, no, the fuck you aren't, man, shut up. Okay, he looks like his name is Billy Bill. Okay, yeah.

He looks like Dana Carvey going as Garth going as a cowboy. Right? Like, yeah. Like, if kids in the hall did a western, yeah, that's like Dave Foley. Yeah. It's a masters of disguise three, the one that went straight to Redbock.

Right. But if you push the button, it was just like, really? Master of disguise three. So, and then you push the button, it was just like, really? Yes. Master of disguise, three. So, and then you think to yourself, like, I wonder how long it's going to take for this movie to get terrifying. And the next sentence after I'm dilly-billy is, lately I've been thinking a lot about my long lost love from second grade. Not great?

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. And then the next sentence from the movie is like, you might be thinking, well, that's dumb, you were seven. And then the movie pauses and they're like, anyway, we're just gonna do that. That is the movie though. That's our movie.

People say to me, don't be in love with a child. And I say, have you tried Sparkle Donkeys? I'm gonna be more suspicious. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Because it will open your mind. He's like, you're a trash, Spark will don't keep coming. You're supposed to scratch. Because it will open your mind. Jesus Christ. He's here, man. He's here in the audience. He's here in the audience.

Where's Spark will don't keep coming? Where is he? He doesn't want to admit it now. He doesn't want to admit it. Yeah. So, oh, my brand that you just decided openly with pedophilia and incest, no woos from me gentlemen.

No woos from me. So, yeah, so we're 27 seconds into the movie and our protagonist is having romantic thoughts about a seven year old. Her name is Kitty Clip. And at this one I'm already in the main house, I'm like, just say one normal fucking name. I dare you, I just wanna know you can do it.

Movie? The names in this movie were written by John Wayne Gacy as he stuffed ahead. Like over the fence, like Wilson, the nager. What's my name? Steve Wierson. Yes. So.

Listen. Yes. So, oh. Listeners at home Eli is pushing a dismembered head into a grave of some sort of trash blowing bag in my head. Okay, alright, okay. Alright, trash bag. I was close. So, yeah, so the narrators like, you know, I've been stalking that seven-year-old for a

long time, but I've looked everywhere for the internet. End of list. So, okay, so then we flash back to the day that she left for Michigan and her mom's station wagon. He says, I still cry about that to this day. And I'm like, what? You should try better hope online therapy. You're going to hold there's a discount that you can get. This is also where the credits tell us that this movie was written by Gary Bozek.

Yes. I wrote in my notes, Eli, you have to tell me if you wrote this movie, it's like, show us your dick. Yeah. If you were here alive. But he's like, but I've got my bags all packed for Michigan, I'm gonna go find her, and then he gets in fucking heat scar. And he's an oil bear.

Yeah, that's what he said. We learn he's a millionaire oil, he has a 2005 Subaru. Yes, it's a weird recurring theme in our Christian movies that for no reason they just always make themselves millionaires. The rights. Like a child having to add superpowers to explain why they just fell down. It never matters to the movies just like, and also all the millionaires. Eleven inches.

Put it in the script. So this is all I've got. Here's your tape. So that's what I've got. One of them got it. No, it's fine. As long as one person gets it. I need a one person to be like, oh.

So. So the title cuts in like a fucking video game from 1991, right? And then we get Dilly pulling up to the House of Pancakes, not the International one, they couldn't get the rights to that. It was just this, the domestic House of Pancakes. Okay, in fairness, as a Michigander, the nationalist House of Pancakes is all, all the houses of the pancakes in Michigan are nationalists. Okay, all right, no I got it.

FEMA House of Pancakes. So he walks into this diner, this House of Pancakes. He's dressed like he just told his mom that he had the cowboy show last fucking night. And she had a whips up my, everything looks green screened even though it isn't because they don't know how lighting works. And so he sits down and the waitress comes up and he's like, she's like, this is the actual exchange that happens. Word for word in the movie. Where are you headed? He says, Milford Michigan. She says, that's a long way. He says, I haven't seen her heard from her since the second grade. Dude, what? Call the cops.

What the fuck is that other line? If you don't call the cops when someone says that to you, you're an accomplice. Straight up. Start dusting your counter for fingerprints. That is what your day should be now. So, you're getting a Netflix documentary. But I also love, because like everyone else in this movie, when he says, well, I'm looking for the girl I was in love with when I was seven years old, like everyone else, they're like, well, that's fucking dumb. Yeah.

Right? Because the waitress is like, well, I would be a stupid plot for a movie. What the fuck are you even thinking? It's too late to already bought this Woody costume from Halloween adventure. Please just yes and my stupid block. But the way Dress's name is Jane, so someone has a normal human name, and this is where we meet a Heath's best worst. This woman is great because she's obviously she's not an actor and the director said to her be angry So she goes with apoplectic rage, right? And she screams at the top of her lungs

Bring me more fucking coffee And everybody else is like Healed it like the are a doctor who needs paddles. Yeah. At the nationalist has a pancake. It's like, this is pretty standard. I feel like she went method and she nailed it. All right.

And of course, the waitress is like, well, you'd need a miracle to even find her. And he's like, well, this is a Christian movie. So there. Yeah. We serve a God of miracles. It's so weird to watch a person with those teeth. Say the words, we serve a God of miracles.

My dude, he could not grow bones out of your skull in a single direction. You know who's nailing it? The guy who made the ass. So, alright, we're making fun of my people. So, it made fun of heaths people on your way in, and now my, with the potatoes. I'll do Jews on the way out. Okay, all right, as long as you balance it out. So yeah, so then he goes up, she goes,

well, I don't see God and he goes, well, he's invisible. Can I say however, at 396 Christian movies, first time we've heard that one. No, that's fair. But I just, I wrote my notes at that point and I'm like, Christians, pause for a second. Think about how fucking stupid that was sound for any other argument. That's how stupid it sounds. Think of the category you are in where you've just said, well, he's invisible.

It's you, it's a nine-year-old who ate a cookie, he shouldn't have. And it's a guy who's about to be involuntarily committed, wearing my sneakers. But Jane, the way Tristan's like, fuck you and your God, your God killed my husband. And he's like, what? I don't know. This is, I don't have anything for that. He goes, I have no idea. And I wrote in my notes that people die? Right. I mean, it explains the outfit.

I too would dress like that if I thought I was immortal and had forever to try things out. I like that this is an atheist diner server in Michigan. Like your typical atheist, he's like, no, my husband died of atheism cancer, remember. But then he's like, fuck, checkmate, me, kind of. He just walks out. One time I need somebody in real life to do that. Just be like, I'm not a Christian anymore. It's evil, it's really bad, I have to stop.

Yeah. I feel like that's our audience, heathen, the people. Yeah, right, right now I got to do it. Might have a feeling right here. All right. Keep doing it. Yeah, so after that, God damn dialogue

written by a person who heard once about human interactions as he was falling asleep, dilly-leaves. And he goes, oh, you know what, I left from there and went to a church to get right with God. All that no praying meant I needed to pray. Yes, exactly. So we watch him at a big cross.

He's praying to God. There's this really great moment where he's like, he's feeling discouraged because it's been, you know, three fucking minutes already. And he asks God for a sign. He's like, if I should keep going, God, give me a sign. Okay, this is the math. And then nothing happens. Nothing happens.

I'm watching. You saw the movie. You're watching. Very, very nothing happens. Nothing happens. A bird doesn't even flutter like a light on a nearby fucking stick or some shit, nothing. You can, it's, you made the movie.

It's your movie. It's your movie. Nothing happens and he's like, thank you. Yes. Is that a movie character trying to gaslight the audience? I don't know, because I was watching. I made it to move. It's so tricky.

What's that over there of cameras? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- And then we get a apparently, I guess he's now in Michigan, we get a shot of a montage of shots of him holding a poster board sign that says looking for Kitty Clip. And can I just say, if you see a sign that I can only describe as hand-scrawled, yes, and a gentleman who looks like this, who is looking for anyone, you should be seeking to actively hide whoever they're looking for. Oh yeah, that person, absolutely, like Marilyn Manson,

Scrawled, and Sharon Tate's blood, more orderly and normally. Yes, and he writes, looking for Kitty Clip. Well, and it really says a lot about this movie that they didn't spring for the good poster board. Right? So by the end of the montage, he's holding this thing and it's like this. He's holding it around like, damn.

Yeah. If only he had had Sparkle Donkey to Keelah. It'll keep you up. Sparkle Donkey to Keelah is not intended to diagnose or cure any disease. I'm... Don't worry. Except... Not fucking good yet.

The disease. So we get a montage of this having Benadoma idea, right? And he's like shoving the sign in people's faces. Right, like they can't read it from nine feet away. No, I got it, man. Yeah. But just then, the bastard child of Troy Palamalu and Dave Pearl.

Okay, this is Cecil in porn. Right? This is porn Cecil. Or as we call him galliente. Yes. Yes. That's it. Yeah. So, but he notices the sign he runs out and he's like,

oh, you're looking for Kitty Clip. Yeah, I know where she is. Let me give you weirdly specific directions for this being a movie, right? Does he not come off as a sexual partner of Kitty here? Yeah, well, because he says like, how do you know her? And he doesn't say he just says,

I've known her for a long time. You said that really long. Long. When a man that... He was like sexual intercourse with hers, they'd happen to you. When a man that beautiful with hair that long- When a man that- When a man that- When a man that- When a man that-

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But the second I turn my fucking back, right? The goddamn, all right. So he goes, he goes, wait, she lives up that road and then he turns back and Paul Lamaloo Light or whatever has disappeared, like Batman. It's disappeared. So basically, that was the ghost of like stalker present and he turns back and Paul and Maloo Light or whatever has disappeared like Batman. Disappeared. So basically that was the ghost of like stalker presence in this movie.

He doesn't teach any lessons, but he like helps you stalk a little bit. No. Weird. Or I guess because he is Jesus Christ in this, right? That's like his... Yeah, the credits at the end list him as the angel. So yeah.

OK. So he's in five minutes of Christ. So Jesus Christ just to keep track since he died. Toast and helping out pedophile stalkers. Yes. So far, he's got a theme. So OK, so he drives off of Dilly-Builders. He drives away, and we cut to him having been pulled over,

because you know they tried for a fucking hour and a half to figure out how to film getting pulled over and finally they're like, fuck it. He's already pulled over when the scene starts. He's just already done been pulled over. We've hit the cameraman with the car six and a half times now guys. What the fuck is the tripod?? Say it's not making up words. So, how did they hit him half a time? They just nicked him on the last time. He was trying to do a vertical leap onto the stage. I got it the first time, guys. I did get my key. He got it and then he didn't accept it. Like a lemur. He pulled, and then he jumped back down, and it was like amazing.

You did it, Grandpa. And he was like, wait, no, I can do better. Sparkler! That's it. Like the third act of million dollar baby. That's it. And Lucinda just laughs and laughs. She would Clint Eastwood you.

So, that's real love right there. No, she would though, yeah. So okay, so anyways, so Dilley's getting bold over and there's this great moment where the cop has got to write him a ticket but they didn't have fake ticket money. So he's like writing it out of those wanna, those like four for five dollars memo books,

you get a lane reader, whatever. Right, it would have been like three for five dollars to get the one that looks like it, but yeah. Yeah, I don't know, but five. So yeah, so he writes him a ticket and he's like, where are you going? And he goes, I don't want to tell you to be out of this movie.

This is stupid. Even if you have a better answer than to stalk my second grade love, don't he? That's right, yeah, no shit. I mean, if anyone's going to be sympathetic, it's a cop. Oh, hell yeah, man. Good for you. So I thought I was going to have have to stop primers on them now, and get on out there.

So the cops says, I'm giving you a ticket for a tail light out. He rips his fucking spiral notebook thing away, gives hands to him. They interest away. And for like 17 goddamn minutes, we watch Billy Bilgo. I don't have a tail light out, right? What? Tail light, fuck? Tail, I fucked it.

No, not. It just goes on forever, like ever. And what I think was happening is the star director writer of this movie was like, I'll just do a bunch of takes of me being like, tail light. And then he sat there with I movie, the free version, and was like, this is uncutable. They're all this. I'm mailing every single day. I'm like a young Marlon Brando.

There's nothing here to cut. There's when the character was born and when the character sees to be. It's Keats. It's Keats. It's Keats. And also, so he gets out to check his tail light and the music checks to see if this is a fucking cartoon

for a minute here. Really weird. And then another car plows into his off camera. And then a wrecked car money for this motherfucker. I liked that the truck driver who spashed into him for no reason was beeping his horn on the way in. He wanted to hit him politely. Get off the side of the road, man!

Also, according to the movie, this was Part of God's plan. Yes. Why? Why? Thank you. Why? It never matters to the fucking movie. Anyway, because the very next scene we see him walking down the road with his suitcase,

going like, they said it would take a week to get my car fixed. And like, oh, so now he's stranded here for a week or whatever, but that never fucking matters. Nope, never happened. God is like you guys make it fun in my 2005 Subaru. I feel like he's like, you gotta move on, man. It's a lot of common things. And his car, much like yours, was on fire.

Yeah. Yeah, master. That's true. So, car, much like yours, was on fire. Yeah, master. So, okay, so he comes up to this farm, and he starts wondering, this is the farm where Kitty Clip Lives or where the angel told him Kitty Clip Lives, or Jesus, or whoever it was. And he sees this dude on a riding lawnmower, right? Because they didn't have time to make your money. And he gets off, and there's this great moment where Dilly is like,

oh, she's married. Well, shit. I was like, walk away credits, walk away credits. It's awesome. Oh, see, I was like, please let Kitty be a trans man. Please let Kitty be a trans. Watch this Christian guy have a breakdown. Yes, from breakdown. No!

A librarian laughs as she tucks a book back onto the shelf. It's all those drag performances. Yeah. So, but no one thinks. Thanks, Ian. But no one thinks. But unfortunately, though, this is Kitty's brother Rex, who has a absolutely marsh-esque taxis accent. He's a woman. Why, I'm being there, brother.

And he says, he's like, I'm Dilly Bill. I'm here to see Kitty Clip. And he says, oh, well, I guess I should give you a giant hug, regardless of whether we're both wearing a lot of mics. Yeah. No. It's so. It's so.

It's so. It's so. It's so. It's so. And what's funny is the actor playing Dilly, who's also the director and star and writer, he knows they shouldn't hug. So it just seems like he's terrifying me on the whole bit. He's like, he didn't even have your brother.

He's like, no, the mic's not, I mean, I don't, I hate man. What's, ah! So you sure you're not kidding? This is great moment where he's like, he says, well, I'd like to go in and see Kitty and Rex is like, well, she isn't quite like you remember. I'm like, she was seven. He remembers a fucking thing.

If she was like, he remembered that be worth mentioning. Yeah. Be careful. She's still seven. Right. That's how you know you're beautiful lining. Ha, ha, ha. So based on the vibe in this moment, it was either, yeah.

Kitty is trans. Right. Kitty is a zombie in a cage perhaps? Or I don't think the trans members of our audience are going to love that comparison. He's just separate things. I don't know that people can be too bad for this thing. This is... The nuance that this movie is capable of, I feel like that's what they landed on. Okay, sure, yeah.

And also terminal cancer, I felt like it was involved. Yeah, that was my guess here. I was thinking that Kitty was a trans man zombie with terminal cancer. Yeah, that's exactly correct. I thought it... We would make you watch it, yes. So that day would make you watch it, yes. So that day would make you watch it, man. Aaaaah!

This is me doing the Philadelphia monologue, I was there. Aaaaah! You guys saw Philadelphia, it's a good movie. Yeah, I know. But I'm a zombie trans. You're pretty much nailing it. So... Rewatch Philadelphia, you'll see that impersonation. You'll be like, you like me a little bit.

So they head inside, Rex runs upstairs to check on Kitty, but she's on the couch downstairs. This is where we first realized that the actor playing Kitty is a solid 20 years older than the actor playing Dilling, right? Which I mean, fine, you know, that's fine, but like they were supposed to be in the seventh grade together, which means she was 27 fucking years old, and the seventh grade, which is weird. I was like, was Kitty the teacher? Now it's a Christian movie. Like the president of France, right?

So, he sees her and then comes, he goes running into the living room. Now, she's got a bunch of hair clips in her hair, which is why she is Kitty Clip. So, his sign was using her nickname from Second Grade? Yes. And he was hoping somebody in Michigan would know it. Either that or her last name is Clip and she's really leading them to the next. It's one of those two things.

And she's like, I don't recognize you. I'm like, yeah, because the last time you told me, it was seven years old. How would you reckon it would be fucking impossible? He responds to, I don't recognize you with your party as a peach. Yep. Which can only be met with gunfire.

That's the only response. That's the only response. Yes. Not a court in this nation that can fix you. Oh, he's in her home. Yeah, no, I saw it. Your honor, he said, party is a surprise.

He asked me at party. I don't care what he said, you were a party as. And so Rex is looking for kitty upstairs. The music is pretty sure that he's gonna come back now as a fucking cartoon cat with its tail on fire. It felt like someone had told the music guy, hey man, you've been using too much cartoon music in the fucking movies, okay?

You're not allowed to use any cartoon music in this one, okay? Fuck you. I'm using a bullet in it. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, bu It's what you're missing out on. Nope, yep, yep. So we hear Rex upstairs calling for a Katie. Where are you? And Dilly turns to Katie and says, that's Rex.

It's like, you're in her fucking house. And it's her fucking brother. Why the fuck? That is the most man's planing moment I've ever witnessed. Jesus. But he comes down and there's like, we can tell something's up right? Because Rex is really surprised to see your downstairs.

So you know, mystery, a foot and all that. Right, but because these people can't act, it's way less, there's a dark secret and way more M. Night Shyamalan's the visit. Right, like I was really hoping for a Skype call towards the end of that. That's not kitty-clip! So Rex was like, well, gosh darn it, I'm so excited, I'm going to make y'all a gourmet dinner.

And uh... Thank you, yeah. No one's ever said that in that accent and been corrected. There's always just been a dead possum being taken down from a hook. But with seasonings, I hope you like Cajun's vases, because those aren't legally defined. Sparkle doggy tequila. Cajun's bicep for her pleasure. This is... Sparkle doggy tequila.

Cajun spiced for her pleasure. So... So Dilly's like, oh, good, a gourmet dinner, and then he puts his shot fucking feed up on the guy's couch and goes to sleep. Yeah. Well, fuck does that. I'm not putting people's houses.

With your shoes on. Oh, man, they're in'm not putting people's houses. With your shoes on being honest. And then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then sometimes it falls down. That's cool. Curl up with your dog. It's weird. Well, that's true. All right.

Well, tell you what, we can't take breaks on major plot points on this one because there's no fucking plot on this one. So we're just going to pause right there. But we'll be back in a minute with even more Gilly Lo loves Kitty. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Slash God. What? Did I hear you just come back from Earth?

Yeah, yeah, I popped out for a second. A little thing. For, for I swear, if you've been appearing on toast again. No, no, no, no. It's just this guy he's looking for his long lost love. And if you're gonna help me out. Oh, that's my boy, such a softie. What could I say?

I'm a romantic, you know. All right, yeah. So tell me about this couple. Who are they? Sorry, aren't you, are you a mission? Aren't you me? Okay, that, it's confusing. Sparkle, donkey.

Well, so is, we'd fuck each other. His name is Dealy. No,. No, I got I got oh believe me. I got it Good, oh my ghost Get out of the sketch Holy Ghost you're not of the sketch, Holy Ghost. You're not in the sketch. You guys never use me. So, no, I'm fine. I'm Jesus. Yeah, Jesus, tell me again about this. Yeah, I'm Jesus. We're talking to each other. So, here's what I'm doing. This guy's name is Dilly, who I'm helping out.

And, you know, her name's Kitty, who he's looking for. And they were in love in second grade. Oh, so I feel like we probably shouldn't call that love. And let me finish. And ever since then, he's carried her picture in hopes of meeting her. Us of a seven-year-old. Seven-year-old.

So, so son, you saw a guy who carries around a picture of a second grader because he's in love with her. And you gave him directions to her house. Remind me, how old was mom with? Wait, wait, wait, you know what? Let's just, you know, we'll just drop it. We'll drop it. Okay. Sveta. Thank you. And we're back.

Yeah. That's right, I'll use that fucking applause as well. Let's hear. And we're gonna rejoin the action with everybody sitting down to Rex's gourmet dinner in what these actors are sure is the funniest fucking scene since the end of Dr. Strange love, right? This became a horror movie for the next 11 minutes, right? For the next rest of the movie.

Really? And before. Yeah. So here's the gag. Instead of serving them a gourmet dinner, he served him a dinner where everything is liquid. Now, we have a term for foods that are that soup, right? He served them. These people, they went through all of the writing of this scene

and the filming of this scene. And if you watch the outtakes, the cracking up, uncontrollably of the scene, without ever going like, oh, fuck, yeah, that's just soot. That's not funny. There's nothing, and unless Bryce Blankeneggles involved, there's nothing funny about soot, right?

He's not involved, is he? I've had bad experiences. I've had bad experiences. I've had bad experiences. So everybody's like, they're like, oh, this is gross, because it's liquid and he goes, that's great, a liquid turkey. And that's what I wrote in my notes.

This movie is like listening to other people's inside jokes. Right? You just never hang out with people, do people who've known each other? So this is their fucking 12 or some shit. They're constantly telling jokes that you don't get and you're like, I bet that's funny.

I bet she is weird. Have that. Do you have any universal experiences? Yes. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. No, but I wrote my notes. I was like, I guarantee you this scene came up, because two of them were sitting around late one night

after having too much diet, soda or whatever. And one of them said liquid turkey, they both cracked up till they fucking cried. Right, and then one of them's like, this is it's going, this gotta go in the movie now. That was too funny. And I wrote that in my notes and then in the outtakes of the goddamn movie,

you actually see that happens. So I nailed it. And then they had to commit to having liquid turkey as like a pot. Yeah. movie you actually see that happens. I nailed it. And then they had to commit to having liquid turkey as like a pot. Yeah, it's as close as anything else in the movie to the plot. Yeah. So liquid turkey is the hiring me of this movie. Oh shit, the dog's going to be like a big part of the podcast now.

Okay. Oh shit, the dog's gonna be like a big part of the podcast now. Okay. You're gonna introduce me to shows and stuff. A fairy is mad at me? So yes, but this is where we learned that Dilly inherited his parents' oil company. It's a mom and pop oil company that they had. We also learned that neither him nor Kitty ever got married. So you know, they're available for each other.

When he asked if she got married, she said, I'll be waiting till the cows come home. And I was like, what? And then, Rex, her brother goes, I ain't no cows around here. What the fuck do you mean, Rex? In Michigan? Actually, quite a few cows in Michigan. I feel like there are more than one. And so she's like, wait a minute, hold on a second, I remember you. And I'm like, you've been calling in by name and he never introduced.

Of course, you fucking remember him. Apparently she wasn't supposed to until just then. And she's like, aren't you the guy who used to push me off the teeter totter in second grade? So apparently she remembers the relationship quite differently than needed. She's like, how did you find me? He's like, well, it all started when Cecil Fuck Troy Palomalu. I wanted an honest answer there. It's like, so I stalked you like a bar. I wanted an honest answer there. It's like, so I stalked you like a bum. Let me rewind it. So, centuries of misogyny, that makes it so like,

women are objects that you win in video games. And I thought that was how it works. I almost gave up. God gave me a sign. No, he didn't. I lied about it. Gas lit myself. Poor and sea soul.

He's a ghost, by the way. And now I'm on a gas lit myself. Porn, sea soul, he's a ghost, by the way. And now I'm on a podcast about bad movies. I just... I love it. I don't know that religion has ever been described better than I gas lit myself. That was really good. That was really good. It was really good, right?

Yeah. Where's that t-shirt? good, right? Where's that t-shirt? Yeah, right? So and then there's this moment where he likes he's like so kitty how long have you been in Michigan and Rex Cuts into answer for her as he constantly does through this whole sequence There's eventually gonna be a reason for that But we're not privy to it at the moment and at this point she looks around and she goes Rex How come the house looks different to me than it used to? And I want it so bad for him to just go,

well, we don't really know how to do lighting, Katie. It's, we turned on all the living room lights we can get. So we got that circle light. My niece has for only fans. And we just, we just pointed in at us, but it's not doing much. It's much like my niece's only friends. I'm just giving you guys gold tonight. My niece is in the fucking audience now.

That's all that dance. And I would watch her own dance. That's a compliment. It's a nice thing to say. It's a compliment. It's a nice thing. It's a pos-and say. It's a compliment. It's a nice thing. It's a pos and giving a compliment. OK. I have loved her since she was a second grader. I'm sorry.

Oh, god. The dude's going to come back and take a back at Sparkle Dougie. He's like, I didn't realize what I was just into. Just don't tape's not representative of. So then Rex is like, well, hey, Kitty, after we drink our turkey, you want to go out and hang some Christmas decorations? They're like, but it's not Christmas.

And he goes, doesn't matter. And I'm like, yeah, I guess nothing fucking matters, man. Jesus. I'm like, yeah, if I guess nothing fucking matters, man. Jesus. I love how many times all caps what the fuck is happening appears in Heath's nose. I think this is my line. I have a lot of our notes, I think this is my line. And Heath and Eli has a bunch of them too.

At this point my notes are, what the fuck is happening? Oh, I get it. I died and went to hell. I can't tell you a scarier scene in a movie than this one. Yeah. So they had outside after the 2.30pm dinner and to hang some Christmas decorations. And then they decided they're going to go to the cider mill.

Right. Do they mill cider? I think so. They mill it? Oh, it's like with a... There's a wheel. The wheel crushes the apples. I don't know. You're asking me about fucking cider sparkle, don't you?

Somebody says big thumbs up on they mill cider. All right. Okay. So, okay. And then so, Dilly says today, how cider mills work? Fuck yeah, man. So, and then so, Dilly says today, how psychar mills work? Fuck yeah, man. So, Dilly says to Rex at this point, he says, hey, would you mind if I just took your sister on a date and you didn't tag along?

And, which is, well, we're the thing to ask your fucking brother, right? But then, Rex goes, yeah, I wouldn't mind to know, you can't do that. No. And answer answers, I would mind to know you can't do that. No. And the answer is, I have my reasons. Sparkle donkey to game. Sparkle donkey guys sitting back, they're going at 2, no, really.

I thought I could count. He's not here anymore. No, he's not here anymore. No, he's not here. We're going to get to the venue later. It's going to be a lot. No, if you look up in the rafters, he's hanging and gently swinging. He's just scratched.

He's scratched. He's so, so he's like, but why can't I go on a date with your sister? He's like, just getting the truck, Dilly. Let me throw this out there. Just getting the truck scariest human sentence. Right. After you're purtier than a peach.

So we cut to the cider mill. There's a great moment where this scene opens with Dilly pulling up this gallon jug and saying, you want more cider and every one of us has the words gallon jug of urine in our notes. Nobody saw the dailies and was like that's a gallon urine. Right. We're showing gallons. Obviously, very obviously a gallon of urine.

So at a cider mill, do you buy a gallon or just like share? Is that what you do when you go to a cider mill? It's a sign of a leak. It's yes. It it? Is that what you do when you go to a cider mill? It's a cider mill. It's weird that you're exploring the inner workings of a cider mill. I think there is a nice break from jokes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You just, sometimes we just stop and we learn. And we learn. And we're not afraid to be vulnerable. Right. So sparkle, donkie. Awesome. The tequila for learning about cider. He's dead. I know why I'm checking in.

He's in the void. So, and of course, just to inject a little humor into this moment, we've got Dilly and Kitty enjoying their cider or failing to because it's obviously like Alan Chucky urine. And then we've got Rex behind him trying to hawk liquid turkey to the other people at the mill. I like that they yell at him.

They're like Rex, your liquid turkey's ruined the date vibe. You're fucking it up with the liquid turkey. Yeah, like me and Anna on vacation with Heath Rex. She trying to crack your neck, were you trying to crack your neck just now? Yeah, he goes, your brother sure is protective.

I'm like, that's not the origin. I can go home. Have you heard his sparkled, lucky to get it? Bulletproof vest is protective. My brother is something very different. And then again like they're struggling to find the script of the movie, he goes like, sad the wheel isn't working and he says, well a wheel doesn't have to spin on the

outside to have cider and donuts on the inside. And this works as flirting? Yes. Very successful. Actually, actually, heat that is exactly how flirting is done. Isn't it, Eli? Absolutely, he is. Yes. You're fucking it up.

Am I right, ladies? Would they lie to you? So, I am gonna try this. It's gonna go badly. Hi, what are you drinking? You know, just cause a wheel out, Mace out! You have that in your hand already. It's because I had this spark of loggy.

Yeah, I know how he says it. So Kitty Clip explains that she's tired and would like this scene to be over now. So would I. Yep, I was with her. I was with her. I wrote in my notes, I'm tired, not dying, just normal time. So then we head back to the farm for her to take a nap and this is where we see it. So Dilly's outside feeding the horses. He lives there now, apparently he has chores. He opens the scene by going,

I don't feel like feeding the horses. And I look, I'm no farmer, I don't know if you can tell. I feel like you have to feed your farm animals even when you're sad. I feel like, yeah, yeah. I feel like that's not like other chores where you can be like vacuuming and weight. Yes.

So but Rex comes up to him as he's been the horses, and he's like, daily, I hate to tell you this, but we're nearly halfway through the movie, and we really have to establish a plot, so I'm gunna. They won't. He says, well, yeah, right, nobody threatens to. He says, kiddie has old-timers disease.

Ah! And they think that's a great bit. They use that multiple times, old-get it, because it sounds like Alzheimer's. And then, Dilly, he's not buying all this Alzheimer's shit, right? He storms off. He's like, no, the fuck she doesn't, he wanders off. Yeah, his response is, whatever, Rex. And can I just say, I wish that was in more dramas.

It was like, Sophie's choice, which one comes with us? Whatever commander. Did I live a good life? Whatever, I'll be in the car. I was here, Philadelphia. Whatever Tom Hanks. His name's not Tom Hanks in that movie. No, I don't think it should have been. That would have been cool. So, why would that have been? What have it fucking cool? Alright, so I think that was a nice break from jokes. So, he storms

off and Rex is angrily following along and explaining that she's been catatonic because they barely they think that's an Alzheimer's thing. I don't think it is. But he says that she's been catatonic up until that day. And then she just woke up suddenly when she heard Dilly and Dilly made her want to live again. But now she's catatonic so apparently it didn't last. It's like well right up until that fucking line about the wheel and the donuts,

I don't know what the fuck he was even going for there. So dumb. He says, she woke up in a vegetative state. I wrote my notes hard to do that. That was a challenge. That was a challenge. This movie's understanding of Alzheimer's is rough. Yeah, rough.

They seem to think she like woke up but forgot verbs. Yes. For Alzheimer's? Yeah, but if you like someone enough, you'll un-al-himers and you give them verbs back for an afternoon, too. Temporarily, temporarily, yeah. Depending on if the wheel works.

And, but I do love this line because he goes as they're wondering off he says she's got Alzheimer's and Dilly says directs. She's like, did a doctor tell you that? And I'm like, it is a game movie, that's a legit question. So. But yes, a doctor told them that 10 years ago, and again, I should point out that they're like

storming away this whole time. This movie does not know how to film a walk-in talk and certainly does not know how to mic a walk-in talk. I'll tell you, you're never gonna, you're never gonna, you're never gonna be all the time. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, but yeah, so, but he says,

I want you to stick around and make Kitty want to live again, even though she's catatonic, right? So we go inside to see if, Dilly can I guess talk her out of her Alzheimer's again? And they're pretty sure that vegetative state just means lying there ignoring someone? Right, they mean catatonic.

And till he's like, I'm poking your face, does this help to Alzheimer's? Do you still have it? Quaid it, I'm vegetiting. Boop, are you better? I'm a fidgeted double I'm like Terry Shabbo For the younger members That was a little gross

So then we cut, so we made it, we watched her stare for a long time, vegetatively, and then we fade to black. We cut to, I think, Dilly flirting with the horses since it's not in a workout. He's moved on, yeah. And then we get this other bizarre fucking exchange. And anybody, those of you who have watched the movie back me up, that this is actually what happens. Rex says, he's talking to the horses when Rex walks in.

Rex says, he's a horse talking back. Dilly says, they always do. Yep. And Rex goes, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. This is what an insane person thinks is happening in a normal conversation, right? Like they can't tell that the one sentence is related to the other one. Jesus. But then he says, he basically, he tries to talk a dilly into taking Kitty the way one might,

like, you have yet a pet that couldn't come with you when you moved or something. You've always gotten along with spot. Yeah, right. He's like, well, I know you just showed up yesterday and having unhealthy obsession with my sister from when she was seven years old. Too much sparkle, don't you know? So would you like to stay with her forever and take care of her and wipe her fucking ass

and change her diaper and dress her and he's like, yes I would. You said it too fast. You said it too fast. You said it like fuck nurse fast. He says, I feel bad and he's like, don't. Don't look back. He goes, he goes, does leaving my sister in the custody of some random pervert make me a bad person?

And I'm like, yes! Yeah, yep. It very much does. And but of course, Dylan's like, no, not at all. There's nothing. Nothing to see here, just move along. And then he announces something very strange. He goes, well, you know, it's mostly

that my son and wife miss me. Because he's been taking care of his sister without seeing them for eight years. Eight years. He says, you know, I haven't seen my son in eight years. And I'm like, well, that's a you problem. And that is, don't blame that shit on your sister. And then he says, and I just, I have to point this out, this Eli Bosniki in use of words.

Here he goes. And I quote, I implicitly trust you with my sister. Well, not now that you said it all out. Oh, dear. If I was passing you on the street and you just grabbed her and started to walk away, I'd be like, that's fine. But yeah, but he agrees that he's going to live with Kitty now and take care of her for

the rest of his life. He says, I don't worry, I'll call a moving company and have them bring my stuff up. I'm, that's not how moving companies are. Hello, is this Dave Movers? I live at 32 being there. Would you get all my belongings? Will you grab all my oil? And you're just kidding.

Come on back, I'll give you the keys. The password is 11111. Yes, my name is Dilly11. Yeah. His name is Dilly Dale. Yeah. And then, okay. And so then we get the narration that cuts in. He tells us about how, like, you know, how we adjusted to farm life over the next couple of days.

I love it. It starts off with him going, I never realized how hard farm work was. Like, did you just at least suspect it? I mean, I'll say you're an oil millionaire just still looking for or hire somebody to do the farm shit. He goes my favorite thing to do was to pray. And I'm like, to pray for what your life to not be like it is.

That's right. Is what you're praying for? So that was just the point of the monologue is that he's having a great time and he's loving it, except he's constantly praying for it to be different than it is. We also see some of her vegetative state here where she drinks out of a cup and eats all the spoon. Yep. I wonder if there was a point at one point

where someone took him aside and was like, hey, man, you know vegetative states, someone can't eat, right? And they were like, he was like, well, how would they eat them? They were like, he was like, ew, gross! I'm not putting that in my movie. She's just a little vegetative state.

Like those fingerling potatoes. She's in a baby carrot state. She's. I will say this was the first Alzheimer's montage that I ever saw. Sure. They actually do. It's like drinking tea with Alzheimer's montage that I ever saw? Sure. They actually do. It's like drinking tea with Alzheimer's. Yes.

Apple sauce with Alzheimer's. Yep. It's a good minute of Alzheimer's montage with music. Yep. Didn't see that coming. Nope. He goes. He just doodly doodly to a blur.

Ha! Ha! Because of the, yeah, all the Alzheimer's. Playing peekaboo with steaks. Yes. Oh, he fucking, where did you... Sparkled, donky. Peekaboo with steaks.

All right, so, yeah, so now he's in charge with the catatonic woman that he is, and the more you think about it, the creepier that situation gets, so we're going to give you some extra time to think about it. But first, let me give back three of the hard sell here. Act three? I got to call something act, something, you know, it's just part of the job man, play along. Yes and... something act something you know it's just part of the job man play along yes and

Will God answer Dilly's prayers and miracle kitty back to health will Dilly's been god damn it spoilers spoilers That's the fucking sparkled onki guy You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey.

You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey guy, you're a monkey. You're a monkey my rule of three, he's got to do it. Yes, and step to you. Thank you. Will Dilly Pres- Will Dilly's Presence seat now you've got me all off. Fucking counter.

Will Dilly's Presence serve any function whatsoever in the film? If not, why the fuck would you make a movie about it? By now the answers to these questions and more when we return for the semi-cadatonic conclusion of Dilly loves Kitty. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! A Dilly. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! A daily. Can I talk to you for a minute? Well sure, Rick. Who is it?

Hey, guys. Well, gosh, Deely, I don't know how to break it to you, but would you see Kitty, well, she's been dead for twenty years. No, no. I have not got that. A while back, she got into a terrible, terrible truck accident. And she was thrown over 200 feet and landed in the open mouth of a wild boar. Nope. Nope.

It's none of us. Torred pieces. Just take it, talk. And then I had to travel down into the underworld to retrieve her. Wow. Wow. Nope, not well. Not well. It's just not just fine.

And though my battles against Cerberus and the 14 guardians of the Hellplanes were difficult, I knew returning my sister back to the Himunculi I had built would make it all worthwhile. In Jesus name. I'm wrecked. Did you say a monkey lie? Anyway, now I must

remount my pirate ship and protect the islands of sea crash before it's too late for something evil rises in the deep. Now you're just doing wishes of the coast properties. That's how it all of which all of which is to say, Dilly, will you marry my sister's ghost

infested humongue thy? Yes, Rex, I will. For Jesus. For Jesus. Okay. And we're back. And this time, we're gonna open up Act 3 with Rex having dinner with his wife and son. The son is about 26.

Right? Years older than we are right now. Kitty's grandfather. Yeah, so the ages in this movie are just all over the fucking place. But yeah, so then we have this weird moment where like the movie seems to realize along with us that the whole like him being gone for eight years doesn't make any fucking sense. And isn't relevant to the plot of the movie? No. And no way is this family ever going to be relevant because they have this whole conversation about like, well, why wouldn't we just move her here or us move there? Right?

Just none of this. And then everybody's argument just has to be like, oh, fine, ruin my life then. Right? Because there's no way to get from there to here to there. It feels like the sun is trying to defend the plot. Because, because it'd be like, well, why don't you just move out there and you'd be like, I love my high school too much. And he's like, high school.

And he's like, yep, I'm on my second time array. I'm a super duper uber senior. Well, no, I mean, we had a 26-year-old seventh grader earlier, or second grader rather. Maybe in this world, you just loop back around when you graduate. It's a reincarnation education. No, I insist.

And then he's like, well, I guess we could move her into this house, and he just goes, grab my belt, this house, single-handedly. And I think he meant for his daughter to live there too. So, son, as I die, promised me your sister will never receive that it's okay. And this house, not after what she did after all that sparkle ducky.

Yes. She may never cross this threshold again. So, sparkle ducky, never cross this threshold again. Sparkled, donkey. Never cross this threshold again. Alright, that one they might actually use, yeah. So yeah, so as the movie is asking us this question and we are asking the movie this question, finally Rex's wife is like, you you wanna go back, don't you? I'm like, how much does he hate his fucking family?

He just got there. And he goes, well, Dilly and I could rotate. And the wife says, well, that's an awful lot to ask for someone. No, no. No. That's half as much as you're already asking, though. Right?

No, no, I will not be in the movie anymore. It's not. Also, there's this great bit where the dad is, he's that they're having dinner together that it adds like, well, it's nice to at least eat solid food again. Now, I get that she had to have liquid food, but he can eat whatever the fuck he wanted, right? No, man, I saw those tickin' my talks, where you shave your head because somebody got cancer, and I thought, Solidarity. Yeah, so, and so, and we should also point out the by way that throughout this entire conversation

Everyone keeps forgetting their next line And we just to sit there and wait for them to remember because the editor doesn't help out at all right Yeah, it was just like you know what fuck you you should have memorized the goddamn you should be off book by now Oh, I just had a great theory. You think it's Alzheimer's in the cast every one in the movie Has Alzheimer's in the cast? Every one in the movie has Alzheimer's. That would make a lot of the movie evolves into place at that point. Probably had producers, they just forgot. Yeah, right. Who were them fellas that came back?

Oh, so I think I feel like I could acknowledge this. Ronnie, the son, little tiny face, great big head. Mm-hmm. Right, like to Charlie Kirk proportions, right? Creepy shit. He's so silly looking. It's really, really. Charlie Kirk. So, but Ronnie's. We're gonna murder him later. We have a guillotine ready. He's so silly looking. He's really cool.

So, but Ron is... We're gonna murder him later. We have a guillotine ready. What? We had to get a plus size to get all that head in. We're trying to fit him in vertically. Charlie, can you work with us, pun? Okay, we can do it.

It's an up and through. You know when you're putting a chair into a small room, you have to go around the door. It's have to go around the football for a tire. Yeah, you got to cinch it. Can we spiral Charlie Kirk into a gillikki? I mean, there's only one way to find out, right? Seattle knows the answer. Yeah.

Yeah. I enjoy this bit. I'm sure legally I have to cut it. But Ronnie, like he's so upset that he delivered his line so poorly that he storms off. Rex chases him, and then we're done with that scene. So then we cut to, we cut to daily... That's how every scene ends. Fuck it, we're done with that.

Yep, that scene's over. The actors might as well say that, and then we're done with that scene. We watched them get up from very squeaky chairs, and just, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE So we got to Dilly watching Kitty sleep. It's everybody's creepy as I just made it sound, yes. We watch him. He's in a chair sitting there and she sleeps, falling asleep beside her and it's just like, do don't do that, that's fucking gross.

Stop. Just fucking stop. We're also watching him try to act not creepy. I don't know if you've ever seen a creep while you've seen me. If you've ever seen a creepy person be like normal, normal. Donuts in the citer on the in the phone. So I can't learn, I have podcasts. So he goes onto the yard, till he goes onto the yard for a little musical interlude, little sadness montage.

This is where the camera guy didn't know that he was filming in that moment. So he's just like, like, you, you. You. You.

You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You.

You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. This was rough too, because I feel, again, I always feel bad for the musicians. They had to do like the music for degenerative brain disease. You're right. It seems bad, but maybe not. Yeah. Brains, lollied dying, mysterious ways.

That's the movie. It is. Sparkle-dunking, your bring it slowly. Mysterious ways. So, I think that one's actually already taken by Captain Morgan. Yeah. So, he's outside being sad, music's playing, and then suddenly, Kitty shows up, but she's not wearing the hair clips anymore. Now, she's got a silly hat on because there's some kind of like weird goofy headwear

minimum for the actors in this fucking movie. And the tragedy that they told this lovely 63 year old woman to get all dolled up. Yes. And she went to the back of the closet. Moth, moth, moth, moth, moth. Should we pick out her favorite PTA dress? He's like, this is for the sexy dance scene. And then we get the first, the second best dance scene in the movie. And what I love about this dance is that very clearly these two actors, Dilly and Kitty,

they're going to dance in a field now. There is very clearly no music playing where they are. So there are different rhythms. They haven't agreed on any move. So there's a lot of that, oh, you're going to spend ice stand and you spend, okay, all right, we'll do that. There's a lot of that going on. You know, if you've ever been to a wedding where the couple didn't learn to dance for their first dance and you get to watch them realize, fuck, we shoulda learned to dance. That's what we watch, because they do spinny.

Spinny, and then they're like, well, that's all the dance I know, and there's three minutes and 26 seconds left in the book of fucking love. Well, and they do the thing while they're holding each other's arms and they're spinning around each other and she'll like that. But she's 63 and has a bad hip, right?

So it looks like somebody who tried to leap onto the stage and earlier this morning, you tried to do the shit. So that's always fun. They do a Renaissance dance at one point by accident. They sort of do like a ice sip, though, or didn't look at you from the side. And then you used to look at me from the side. And they're both like, that was something.

Fuck, there's more? Okay, spin. Yeah. Eli, for those listening at at home Eli just did the dance that he invented the mock arena and oh no it was oh we've moved on to YMCA Eli is now staying alive now stay in a life. It's hot, so it's not about it. Apache. Racist. We got it. So, but of course this is all in Dilly's imagination or is it or is it? Well, yeah, they'll, they'll, they'll confuse us about that.

The movie won't know if it's a doodly-doodly. No, exactly. They're going to try to decide. They try to have it both ways like the end of inception yeah but anyway so she disappears and then he's just in the field spending around like an idiot is like well that's fucking that sucks and then so sometime later we get him now he's on the little ride lawnmower and rax pulls up in his truck

and we have this juxtaposition of the first time that he came up to the house and met Rex, which is almost like a real filmmaking moment until they have Dilly's Day. Why, this is a juxtaposition of 11 scenes ago when you and I met in this manner. This is just like the great Gatsby, the only book we've ever read.

I'm wearing a blue dress to represent freedom. You're wearing a red dress to represent Hordeum, all right. We did the art. Did that happen in Gatsby? Yeah. So, I don't think the first. Three English teachers in a librarian are like, I fucking love that joke. I'm going to turn so many kids trans. No, for that, say that joke.

So, honestly, so Rex shows me a cup, I wanted the next couple of minutes of the movie to be dilly trying to distract Rex long enough for him to run upstairs and change her out of the bat woman themed lingerie. She was wearing or something like that, but it didn't happen. Have you ever heard about therapeutic swings? It's very important to get to this.

Oh. So, but this is Rex coming back and saying, you know, earlier I asked you to watch over my sister and why one might have even mistaken that for the entire plot of the god damn fucking movie, but no, I'm back now, never mind. So let me cut upstairs, Dilly's talking with Kitty, and he's explaining that even if he has to stick around another 30 years, he will be there until she mercifully dies and releases him from this obligation. I'm pretty sure that's not what people in those situations want to hear.

Just waiting on you to die. Wink! I'm just saying. And this is where he goes, and Kitty, I really love dancing with you in that doodly-do. And she goes, I love dancing with you. She's catatonic up to this point. She goes, I love that dance, too. And all of us are like, wait, was it a fucking doodly-doodly?

She was like unspushing to do it. Yes. She was like, it wasn't a doodly-dood. So to be clear, according to the movie, she can disappear Because she disappeared at the end of that scene. She teleports to the bontan where she picks up that dress. Off the sail rack. And then she teleports to the field for a quick uncoriographed dance.

Yep. And then she talks about it in her catatonic state. Oh, good. Sorry, what's wrong? Movie makes sense. Exactly. Yep. Well, there it is. And then she does my favorite prank. And somebody that I'm gonna continue long after this movie is gone. She says, Dilly, promise me. Promise me, you'll dance wherever you go. We have no evidence that Dilly can dance and quite a bit that he cannot dance, which makes this an awesome prank. Yes.

Yes. So if the rest of this movie had been a link about him trying to get into the jaw free or the rock hats or some shit like that, I don't love this fucking movie. Right? The rest of this movie is just word for word, shot for shot, step it up with Julie S. What you're gonna say, Philadelphia again? Or he just has to break dance this way from scene to scene and shit from that point out,

but no, we just have the guts. So okay, so now, so then we got the Dillian Rex at Kitty's Bedside. She's now in hospice, or she's in some assisted living facility. The finale of the movie is hospice care. That is fucking whole. It's like everything they did in this movie

was like a series of dares. They were like, you can't do a finale in hospice. There's like, hold my fucking sparkles on. Diode team, yes. Yeah. The tequila of choice for Husker Sparkle donkeys what have you got to lose? Sparkle donkeys death with dick

They might use one of these. I don't think they're gonna use any of these. I think they might use a gun to shoot us. There's also this great moment so she's at hospice carer, she's catatonic and there's this lady holding her hand with a pen and they're scribbling on it and I'm like oh fuck am I gonna have to tag in Marsh here is this is this facilitated communication? This was the best I laughed for so long because a doctor a hospice care doctor was like all right gonna do the scribble thing and then she looks at it she's like it's just a scribble because I clearly was just doing it, my shoe socks. And then she's like, Fuck it! And the doctor just walks out!

Well, it's a hospice, that's how that goes. She goes, she goes, I tried to like unlock her catatonia with my scribble method. That didn't work. We got nothing else. Medical science is done. Yeah. Let me see here.

The voice of someone we like tried that, drawing scribbles. Check, that's the list. That's the list. That's the list. It's funny, someone wrote this with my hand while I was catatonic. And I should be clear that Dilly is in the scene and to not dancing, right? That was very disappointed. Despite her singular request.

The only thing she asked for as she died Yes, so but dilly doesn't want her to die I Can I kind of do at this point? You know He does She wants to die so they want to sparkle more right and so dilly I want wanna make sure that I have this right. Dilly writes a note with her dead hands. He describes hands with her too, yeah.

To himself. To himself. That says, Dilly loves kids. Yes. Okay. But when you hadn't seen it yet, did you take any guesses as to what was on their written? I think it's because we see him write something with her hand

and the movie gives us a long time to not know what it is. So at first I thought it was going to be a perfect Jesus Christ. I thought that would have been good. I thought it was just going to be the words I consent. Oh no. Oh no. Okay. Do you feel the edges of the rules? Oh no!

Okay Do you feel the edges of the room suck in for a second? But the middle light didn't. No, everyone decided it was okay Together, but they were the vote in Oh It would have just kept rising they would have rushed the stage and carried me off. Oh. Oh. Let's be honest.

If we guys started rushing the stage, I'd be like, yeah, let's get him. Yeah. Honestly, I wanted the note to say something like, take me to fucking Seattle, where death with decency is a last. Yes. It let you fucking get, yes. You let people kill last. Yes. It lengthen. Fuckin' K-Yes!

You let people kill themselves! Because, of course, you should. Eli, don't get any ideas. I asked already, and the guy was like, this is a deli anyway, just a whole mess. We have avocado toast, kill yourself. Or a fixed-care bite. So then we cut immediately, he writes, Dilly loves Kitty with her hand, and then we cut

to her God damn funeral. To be clear, God never miracled anything. Nope. This whole movie is like, and I kept praying and praying that she would get better and miraculously recover, but nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No, just, God just must have been on break or something.

The God was born in a GPS place at that moment. A lot of directions. So we're at the funeral, the pastor cuts in and he says, we're not here to mourn. And I'm like, I think most of them are there to mourn. And I think, and this, I don't know if anyone's ever been to like a railing Christian funeral, but they'll do this.

Yes, they'll be like, we're here to celebrate. And four people will be like, woo! And all the honest people are like, fuck it up, dude. No. Yeah. But she's in heaven now. They're celebrating her awesome death.

And Ronnie, the 26 year old son, is standing at the grave side with this gigantic smile on his face. It was like viral, you remember Smile, that stupid scary movie, and they had a bunch of people for viral marketing, like go to baseball games and be like, yeah, it was like, Ronnie was deep in the lore of Smile. It was, this is a Smile prequel. It was like he was the one that poisoned her and now he knows he got away with it. Yeah. Try to sell my grandpa's fucking house. He built that house single handedly.

You're a mean one. So. So then, Dilly drives back to Texas. The movie's almost over. Is he rewinding the movie for us? He really is. Right now, they have to close the parentheses. It's just filmmaking, you wouldn't understand.

So now he has to stop back by the house of pancakes. Before we have to close that loop. Who was worried about that? Who was like, but what happened with Atheist Jane at the diner? We're gonna find out. Jane shouted that from her shoot date. She was like,

I wanna know what happened to Jane. Did you hear that? That was the thing. That's why. That's why. The people demand to more coffee. Shut the fuck up, you guys. That's what I was.

That's what That's... No, but luckily for him, Jane is working that day and remembers him and gives a shit. Right? And he likes to hear about the plot of the movie. Absolutely! He's like, look, I've been reflected in actually something very different happened

than what y'all just watched. He says, you know, I found her and we had many great memories together and I loved her and in a way we're like, we just watched the fucking movie. Also, I wouldn't use the word memory. Yeah. That's their word. You can call membras.

Oh, Jesus. So, but he says, but it turned out that she had Alzheimer's and so I just took care of her until she died. And Jane's like, wow, that'd make a great pot for a movie, huh? And we're like, nope, not as it turns out, it's not really. And then later in the movie, at some point, you could get off the tractor when the guy was coming in and on and wearing the wig. You could wear the bled dress. You could wear the red dress and wear the ball.

Why didn't we ban all the books from the library? Oh, fuck, this is what we were capable of. So. Why didn't we let him execute Charlie Kirk? It's. I feel like they could have twisted him. We could have gotten him in some gyroscope situation. Poison. It's not about his comfort. Unlike Sparkle Dunkin.

The tequila for your comfort. So, that's the only one that's gonna make it in minus the up death. It's gonna be a really weird cut. They're like, why was the live show only 11 minutes long? It was mostly a murder plot. It's really good. So, but Jane is like, this is so sad I'm getting the sniffles and we're like, are you though actress, are you?

Are you really getting the sniffles? Well, no, not really, I'm trying, I'm trying. But now, but she's like, but if God was so kind to you, how come He murdered my husband? And Dilly says, you know, I've been thinking about that, and when God murdered your husband, he gave you a gift. What gift? What gift did the movie think was the gift? So the gift that they thought was the time before God murdered him, all the times he didn't murder her husband.

But not murder. Were the gifts, yes. Right. You gave the baby candy first. Before you took it away. And yet all everyone says is taking candy from a baby. Yes. That's kind of bullshit.

It's my candy to begin with. I'm a world view. You're a Christianity. Yeah. So he a world view. You're Christianity. Yeah. So he leaves a note. Not taking yet candy from a baby, okay. Christianity. So he leaves a note for him.

He leaves an envelope for Jane and he starts to walk away. But, and I wanted to soak out for the note, just say, will you go with me, check this box, but it didn't. It didn't. But just as he's walking out, he remembers that this is the time on sprockets when we dance. Sure the fuck is.

And we get this bizarre half-ass botly wood ending where he just dances his way back into the diner and because it's a stupid fucking movie, everybody's like, well, I want to dance with him instead of what the fuck is wrong with that guy. He doesn't, he doesn't dance dance the music starts and he's like boom boom

boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom You're not doing anything, you're just stepping back and forth.

You have to dance. Dance now. Dance now, that's just a circle. Are you thinking of a chair? You're sitting. That's still nothing. Thank you, Eli, for all that great radio. So yeah, but now the whole House of Pancakes is dancing along with them. The hop hop, if you will.

So the whole goddamn, this entire episode was leading to that fucking joke. You know what I get. What the hell are you even doing here? That was... Thank you. To Billy Wooden. Our screens are blank. It's just a note from Noah to us saying,

if you interrupt me while I'm saying, hot, hot, I'll kill you. No, we don't have any notes. You're welcome. So then he leaves the music stops stops and everybody looks around like, what the fuck was that scene for? Why did we do that? Like they were affected by a mutant power.

Yes. It felt like they maybe ambushed a real diner just live. So he walks out and if he doesn't see a damsel in distress, a woman that's like having trouble loading all her stuff into a van that also has a bunch of hair clips just like Kitty Clip did. And that's how I met your mother. That's what they were doing, right? They were doing like the worst episode of how I met your mother.

Well, except that as near as we can tell, he never sees that woman again. Nope, just like he's like, let me help you with your stuff, and then he just stares at her like this. Right. And she responds appropriately. She's like, well, I should shoot you, who would run over you with my van now.

And she gets the fuck out of there. And then he does a whole monologue about how you never forgot Kitty Clip. And we never hear about her or Jane again, right? So sorry, we do get a little wrap up on Jane. Up, Sacket is dead now. Is that? But sad heading to that.

Sorry, we do cut back long enough to Jane for Jane to open her note or envelope. Remember how he was oil million. Oil million. Very important. You didn't think that was going to matter, did you? But, yeah, there you get the move. It all comes together in the end because of all the great filmmaking.

He says, he leaves her note and he's left her a tip of 10,000 dollars. Go fuck yourself. Right, this is a millionaire. You're the oil millionaire. Yes. 10,000 dollars. Nothing. I would also take 10,000 dollars.

I agree. So, and then he's got to wrap it up right. And the whole movie is like, hold on, hold on, wait. I got something profound to say. I don't know much, but I'm dilly-billy. Sorry, no, I'm sorry, I live, I'm gonna read it to you for a bit. I'm dilly-billy, and I'm not sure of much,

but I'm sure of one thing. I love Kitty, and then the movie ends. It's like, you just did, you wrote that on the thing, you can't do that twice. It's like you. It's like when a did you did you wrote that on the thing you can't do that twice It's like you it's like when a toddler gets everyone's attention to a birthday party and you've got to be like Yeah, what is it and they're like I'm one time and you're like oh mother fucker Wasn't me I thought what you said was super interesting I said, boom. Was it me?

I thought what you said was super interesting. So. All right. What's that? Barco talking. The tequila for heckling your four-year-old nephew. It's. All right, it is that, though.

All right. Well, and that's it. We get credits. There's a little blooper reel, but their bloopers are just as uninteresting as the rest of their fucking movies, so nevermind. But we're not quite done with the review yet. I wanna ask you guys here at the end, because obviously this movie needs more exposure.

We want this filmmaker to make a lot of fucking movies. This is all the exposure right here. Mine. This is all that's getting. That's unfortunately that is the case so far. But I think we can help. All right So I'm gonna put you guys in charge of the marketing once more What is the correct tagline for dilly loves kitty?

Dilly loves kitty Never forget. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh My god So we're gonna... Because it was like watching the other... Yes, no it was... And the Holocaust. Right, no, we started on Holocaust.

Joe, you're gonna close on... Full set. ...in 11, j if that's great. Is that a guy from South Texas did it? Ah! Ah! Oh, that's pretty good. That was pretty good.

Do you have a tagline for us, Eli? Uh, Dilly loves Kitty, whether she's conscious or not. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, no! Oh, no! All right, that actually is pretty good. Okay, so what that's going to do for a review of Dilly loves kitty That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to record the extra stuff before we fly home

So Eli tell us what's on deck? Well, no, well we'll be returning to the world of Donald James Parker In the first of his best friends trilogy best friends eternally. Oh fuck. Yes All right, so that's a look forward to we're gonna bring episode 396 to a merciful goes once again a huge thanks And actually I guess this is not this is the first thing time I've thanks them but Maddie and Rose and Ben who have been doing an awesome job in Nora who have done an awesome job at the theater help and take care of us today Thank you so much. This is our second time in this theater. They took great care of us last time. Took great care of us again today. Absolutely love it.

Also want to give a big thanks to Tim Robertson who does our social media but also did all the booking for the show and for our venues for platinum night and everything. He did an amazing job. So thank you to Tim. Also big thanks to Morgan, who is going to make this all sound like nobody ever made any jokes about incest as related to Sparkle Donkey, tequila. Don't worry.

And murdering Charlie Kirk. And murdering Charlie Kirk, right? That'll also not make an end. He's an editor, not a time traveler. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We'll leave you with a breakfast glove close. I think it's time to euthanize God. Yeah, a good run. It's time. Rex went on to still hate his family. Is the formula we normally use him.

He thought to himself, let's murder God again. Or, and Charlie Kirk. Thank you. Kitty's death discouraged Dilly's romantic advances way less than all of us would hope. Oh, Jesus Christ. Thank you, Seattle! I See why I I told you I can oh Eli beat heat first Eli beat heat. I wasn't a child. I'm not in this one So yeah, I'm already on the second one

Technically, I could I could I could still stand up all right So normally we don't do our interstitials and stuff live But we've decided because you are the best audience we've ever had You guys really are. Like the speed with which you sold this show out is pretty fucking incredible. Thank you so much for that. Maybe you feel really good about myself

before I fell off the fucking stage. And you're more of a person to laugh and laugh. Back me up, baby, you laughed for so fucking long. It was a lot. And then, I mean, to her credit, she then went to Walgreens and bought me bandages and shit like that, but then... But still laughing, still laughing, no.

Didn't stop the laughing. Wait, wait, wait. There's a stage to get on. There's a stage to get on. I'm a Sprite young man. I need to test my vertical leap at this moment right here. No, I'm here. I would die.

I like committing to the bit, but that's much more permanent commitment. It's nice though, because the people who would be in my funeral are already here. That's what we call a toof for. All right. All right. Now we've got a man. Now there's this one. All right.

I got to be an old man for this one. So all right. All right. I'm here. Try to jump on stage and fall off. It's a very good self-superposition. Boy, did I set you up for that one? All right, all right, here we go.

Heath was a tree in that one, I don't know if you guys can. Yes, move the evidence of your hate crime off stage. Thank you. All right, here we go. No, it's okay to do hate crimes against the Irish apparently. Eli assures me of this constantly. I got a much bigger cheer than I was open it would get. Jesus.

Oh fuck. Oh, hey, crap. Ha ha ha ha. Eli was, Eli was just already there. He cheated. No, I'm, you totally fucking cheated. I saw your cursor was there while I was still here. I can see your computer.

Yeah, this, it doesn't after the still here. I can see your computer. After the 1940s, really. What? Yeah. You play that card every time. I have 5,998,996 left. Allegedly. Oh, the Irish guy has some doubts about the Holocaust. Oh, I'm getting it through wireless.

I'm getting nothing to bowl. Shit. How was the live show? Well, I'll tell you, the breaks were strange. I just appreciate you guys waiting to the break. No, this was for... More get cut this, more get cut. People up in the booth are like, don't worry, man, we're new men.

You're gonna be like, that's... It's hard scrolling back up. I've got no strag. I got no... Experience with that, right? There we go. Okay. That one I lost fair and square.

All right. If you erase my notes, all I can talk about is zombies, this Philadelphia. That's all I've got. Just so you know, you get another 45 to 60 minutes of Philadelphia jokes, because that's all I've got. I don't wanna wait. It's not Philadelphia.

That's not gonna remember. Dustin's on the streets of Philadelphia. That's not gonna remember. Dustin's awesome sweet. I'm gonna street so feel it, do feel it, no, no, no, no. No, that is the song. I nailed it that time. Is it? No, no, no, no, yes, thank you.

All right, what's this on? I love the Philadelphia soundtrack. This is, this is an important film. He, no, when we came out for our live show, how much of the show did you think would be about Philadelphia, the Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington vehicle? How much of the person that hand up cutting? Quite a bit, actually.

Show for you. Yeah, exactly. Oh, shit, I never scrolled back out. You guys bam bam. You see how I was angry. You guys bam bam. Lou Lou Lou doing heat stuff. Spark of luck, he's my favorite. Lou Lou Lou. Keep going, keep going. He described this tequila backstage as having a crembrulet quality.

I did, it's delicious actually. We've been shitting on it. It's the weight. We haven't been shitting on it. We've been locking it into the mind of the consumer. In a very specific niche market that I don't know if they appreciate. If they didn't want us, they shouldn't know. They didn't know what they were getting. They knew who they were then when they married us But it's sparkle. It's very crumbly like yeah, no, it's delicious. I got the a naeho right now

The what the a naeho Philadelphia Yeah, this is the Reposado so the the rest of age It's good. Well done. All right, thanks for the vamp. We like them. SparkleDunkey.com. Oh, think of the websites I'll make.

I will fuck your sparkly donkey dot com. All right. Nobody steal that. I think you say. I know my audience. One of you perverts is on Google domain right now, aren't you? Do you need a minute? No, they beat me too.

Yeah, it's probably too late now. My hands are tied. Well, in that case, we better do a show. I'm up here doing, I'm up here doing japes. Too busy. Yep, no, I get it. I get it. The preceding podcast was production of Puzzle and a ThetaStorm LLC, Copyright 2023.

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