God Awful Movies - 397: Best Friends Eternally

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Best Friends Eternally, the story of Donald James Parker writing another movie where he has a sexy granddaughter that likes to hug him a lot. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

But during this, so the fifth time I rewound it, I did catch that the conversation was about whether you could get to heaven through grace alone or by good works. That was the conversation. Yeah, no. Okay, I don't care. I was watching Eli Park in chat. I was so mad. It was like watching two Eli's park against each other in some kind of terrifying competition made to trigger me. Harble. Not awful.

Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be right, Heath. Welcome back. Well, hello, everybody. I did a voice. It was hilarious voice that you just did right there. You are a talented voice actor, nasal sitting 900 most of my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm amazing, Noah. It's a Donald James Parker. We come always amazing. We've earned it. So tell us he what will we be breaking down today? We watched Gramps Hell yeah. It is. We've earned it. So tell us he. What will we be breaking down today? We watched Gramps do something. It's called best friends eternally.

Eli, did you say this is his first movie? No, it's not his first movie, but it's the first of the best friend's trilogy that he has written so far. Okay, cool. Cool. Let's get into that. Cannon. Great. It's the story of Donald James Parker winning arguments with himself in the shower and then yeah, making his local church group reenact each and everyone just like you know,

different room each time for two hours. Right. It the unrelated. Yeah. No, they just all kind of string together and Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the cinematic masterpieces of Gramps goes to college and the unexpected bar mitzvah, but you wish there was more about Donald James Parker's raw pulsating sexual

appeal. You will love this movie. This is and another thing the women can't keep their hands off me. The Christian. Yes. Yeah. Although there was a lot of that in all the other grams movies, if I remember correct. Yeah. Most of the grams movies had that element. He likes to explore that. Yeah. Okay. Should so now I believe this is the sixth Donald James Parker film that we've done. The other ones I have are in Gramps shoes. Gramps goes to college. The unexpected bar mitzvah, love weights and hearts are Trump, right? All right. So where does this rank in the Parker verse for you? No. I would see nobody tears open their shirt and yells.

Barucatada, no, no, no, no. Right, right. No, they unexpected. Burmets was in a league of its own. Obviously. There isn't a rumble and an abandoned strip mall. So I can't give it number two. There's close. There's close to that. It's pretty close. I'm saying three. I'm saying three. It's in the Gramps College. Gramps. Really, you're putting it ahead of Gramps goes to college, huh? I mean, you know, I don't want to spoil this movie, but I have long wanted to watch Donald James Parker presenting right All right, fair. I can't rank these all don't fall on the dimension of ranking. They're all in slash.

And I'm not willing to say any of them are as good as last. Right, right. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to go with best worst pastor. Okay.

There could be two different ones. I'm talking about. Right. Right. I feel like I know which one, but yeah. They're both and slash a worst best horrible. Yeah. It's like this movie heard I try not to make fun of physical appearances anymore, and I was chopping wood outside my look. And then a general this pastor lands and he's like, I need you to come back and make fun of one last.

They both look insane, but the second one is the one I'm really talking about. Oh, yeah. The brimstone guy. The one is like the drill sergeant, pastor, whatever. Yeah. His whole sermon, it's like, it's like listening a dad get mad about Common Core math that he can't do and therefore can't help with that homework. Yeah, as a sermon. Yeah, if smoking method of a monster energy can

that pastor, it would be a better pastor than this guy. Yeah, right. No, exactly. So, okay, so I was going to go with and I had something else in my notes and then we got midway through this movie and I was just like, nope, I'm changing it. I'm going with best worst chess moves. Noah, this is very triggering for me. I know we have to talk about this, but I'm not going to do all of it. The way I got through last night, Heath was knowing that in the morning, I got to wake up and read your notes about this goddamn chess match. I was curious. read your notes about this goddamn chess. That was curious. Well, what's amazing though is it's accidentally a perfect analogy to the way Donald James

Parker argues, right? Like this chess game is the exact chess version of every argument presented in this move. Yeah. Just a pigeon with its head and its hands on the other side of the board. Why are you strut side of the board. You stop. Yeah. Oh, you stop. Why are you strutting across the board? Yeah, take backs during arguments, but the buttons broken so it doesn't even really take back in the right order.

It's insane. Yeah, that's how we argues. Yeah. And of course, I already teased mine, but I'm going to go with best worst suicide attempt. Look, we've seen a lot of people press different firearms to their heads here on this podcast. Yeah. 397 episodes, but Donald James Parker does it like everything else in a special and magical way that only he can. It goes so badly. It might as well be a blunder bus. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. He needs a selfie stick for this guy.

bus. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. He needs a selfie stick for this guy. Lodes a cannon starts to push the Facebook. All right, well, tell you what, we've obviously made you wait too long for more Gramps already. So we're going to keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the feeble argumentation of best friends eternally. Okay, what about here? Nah, that's got the dishes from the French onion soup. Oh.

Hey guys, what's with the shovel? Oh, hey, no, I Heath and I are just trying to find a place to bury these dishes. Alright, well, I know I'm going to regret asking this, but why are you burying the dishes? Okay, well, think about it. What's the worst part about cooking at home? Uh, new textures. Okay, just rolling through that. No, it's the dishes. And with Hello Fresh, Eli and I have been making more dishes than ever. What's Hello Fresh? With Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to

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schedule. With pre-portioned ingredients, full'll prove recipes and convenient doorstep delivery, HelloFresh makes it easy to get dinner on the table. Plus, with the cost of groceries going up, now is the perfect time to get started with HelloFresh. HelloFresh is cheaper than grocery shopping and 25% less expensive than takeout. Wow, that sounds great. It is. HelloFresh sent us a box to try and heath was so impressed. He became a customer. That's actually true. That's why I heathen right personally endorsed Hello fresh.

Alright guys, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Go to hello fresh.com slash awful 60 and use code awful 60 for 60% off plus free shipping. That's hello fresh.com slash awful 60 and use code awful 60 for 60% off plus free shipping. All right, fellas. Oh, by the way, have you seen Lucinda? Not since she helped us with the dishes on Wednesday. Uh-uh.

You guys buried her, didn't you? She said she was tired. All right, Donald. Time for right another movie. Let's see. Well, obviously it's about a young, supple lady who goes to live with her grandpa, who is wise and Christian. But, uh, who, what if the grandpa was tempted?

Oh, Donald, you walk with a dark traveler here. Be careful. No, no, no. But what if the yoga instructor across the street seduced me? I mean him. Yes, Lord knows we've seen the way she looks at us. We know the thoughts that run to her via head as we tie our running sneakers and tuck our shirt neatly into our bicycle pants. Yes, no, a real danger lies there, but can I write it? Yes, yes I can. And yes, I must.

Honey, are you sitting downstairs with all the lights off again? Gosh, I'm writing a movie. Okay, well, your murmuring is keeping the dog up so hurry. I will, dear. Huh. Or will I? What? Nothing. And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open things up on some stock footage of the Vietnam War with the soundtrack of a 70s bank robber running from the cops.

Thank you. What the fuck was the music if you're gonna show that? You can't have like the rescue Rangers do a war crime. Be the center. And we'll watch people like mask graves. Yeah, instead of a music note, I had imagery note. What's the least appropriate thing to put to this music? People actually dying in a war got it. Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah. Real footage of people dying. I wrote in my notes, anyone else picturing Donald James Parker humming, I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts while he reads the things they carry. Okay, well, now I am. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, obviously. Fuck. So we watched that for a second,

and then we cut to the, this like the fucking herciest, jerkyest drone footage that you have ever seen in your god damn life, right? Having so much trouble. Like, you remember when you learned to ride a bike as a kid for the very first time, right? Yes. And you were like, yeah, left, right. And your parents were like, no, just don't do that. Just go normal. This drone is doing that. Yeah. Like if you were holding a camera at that moment, yeah.

No, I like someone definitely said of this drone at some point, see it's as good as those spensive ones. Yeah. We can just tape it too was definitely a sentence. It was utter. In the planning of this shot. So then we cut to a chess set that didn't quite have board money.

They're playing on a mat. Now this is not the chess game that like drove both Heath and I insane. Now, that'll come later in the film. But it was a kind of a bad opening. Oh, yeah. That's the only move we see. It's ridiculous. But we only see the one.

His opening move is E3. Yeah. What? It's not like impossible, he bad, but it's kind of weak and it just goes so far downhill in the next. Yeah. Right. Where they actually show us where it goes from there.

I don't know. Somebody goes E3 on the opening move. I'm like, do you want to just concede now or do you? So yeah. So he's playing chess with his with his buddy. The first note I wrote is films or fantasies. This fantasy is Donald James Parker has a friend. But this is Jackson. Now Jackson is the atheist

at the beginning of this movie and he's going to deliver virtually all of his lines, like a community theater guy doing Roman oration or something. He might as well put one hand on his chest and raise the other to the air. Yeah. Doing a high on man, that's a lot. Yeah, I know. It's got a real like, I am a snowflake. I come from the sky and I will be here when you're just a real school plane. Yeah. This is the first time he's acted not wearing a big cardboard outfit so I can understand

what's the fundamentals. Right, yeah. So yeah, so Donald James Parker says, all right, but you're an atheist. So why do you always hang out with me? A Christian and Jackson says in the script that Donald James Parker wrote for him, you're the only one that stimulates me, both at the chess board and the dinner table. Oh my God. It's the saddest fantasy. I want himdest self-insert. I wanted him to be honest about the chest, because he's like, because I beat you at chest. He actually says something like that. And I want to be like, uh, you just open with E3.

I kind of enjoy these a little bit. I like winning. Yeah. So Jackson's like, you know, uh, so, but why do you hang out with me? And Graham says like, well, because I'm actively trying to change change your worldview and don't even know what respecting you would look like. I don't even theoretically know what that would look like. Yeah. And Jackson's like, oh, no, good, good.

That's cool. That's a normal, cool thing to say to another person. I love that. This is also where we learned that Jackson is a millionaire because they always make themselves fucking millionaires who owns three mansions, one in Seattle, one in Tennessee, where they are now and one in Florida. They also, don't they mention that like all the atheist people live in Florida? Right. Yeah, he's like, why do you hang out here instead of where all the atheists are, like

your mansions in Seattle and Florida? Yeah, a lot of atheism in the city of Florida. Apparently, yes, I know. I can't name a city in Florida for this whole movie. I don't know that they know it's a whole state. Maybe they think Seattle's a state. Yeah, probably. Yeah, no, that's a real possibility.

Yeah. So and while we're pondering that, they start making like the, the most impossibly old, timey, stupid fucking references that you can imagine. Right? But not like good ones, right? Just old people being like, I know I'm supposed to like blank because like, they name funny people,

Tick Van Dyke and Carol Burnett, who by the way, Donald James Barker, fucking hate you. But like, they don't know what's funny, so they're just like, remember Dick Van Dyke? Had credits? Yeah.

Yeah. All right. But they name a few that I had heard of, but then it just becomes nonsense, because it's like 20 minutes of this. And then after a few that you know, it's like, you're a regular Don Adams over there. And I was like, okay, you guys got to stop.

This is like, this is how I picture every boomer conversation ever. Like 20 minutes of naming old people in nostalgic fears and that's just back and forth the whole time. Yes. It goes so low that at one point they stop doing recognizable impersonations and Donald James Parker just plugs his nose and talks. Yeah, he's doing a voice. You see, yeah, other guy just does like a vaguely old timey baseball announcer for one little

comment. Yeah, old timey voice. The nose bugging led me to theorize that Donald James Parker actually can't do any other voice without plugging his nose. Oh, interesting. And so yeah, and so they start talking about all of these old people and how the kids these days don't appreciate them. At one point, they're like, you know, well, yeah, I guess most of those people aren't around

anymore. And I guess we're the generation on deck. And I'm like, oh, don't tease me, Gramps. So it's easy. They're like, we soon too will be dead. And I'm like, I can only get so hard, guys. Remember polio? Shhh, we're gonna do it.

I've access to the until end of and of course they end this little nostalgia fest by telling us about the recent death as of this movie of completely unproblematic Mickey runie. Yes. Yes. Heroic Mickey runie has died. And of course, this is Donald James Parker's in, right? So he goes like, oh, and speaking of mortality, Jesus. Right.

Yeah. His exact words are, when you die, you're going to be quote, in deep do do. Yes. I wrote in my notes, Donald James Parker referring to hellfire and damnation as deep do do. So ridiculous. Yep. On my bingo card. Yeah. James Parker referring to Hellfire and damnation as deep doo doo. So ridiculous. Yep. On my bingo card. Yeah. So it was just like speaking of Dick Van Dyke, I'd like to name a thing I read

today as prep for this conversation. Pascal's wager. Is the bullet point I have right here? Yes. Pascal's fucking wager. The dumbest of apologetics, an argument that I literally found six refutations for when I was 12. Yeah, even the even the movie couldn't help, but have Jackson make a pretty good reputation.

Even though he's a character who's supposed to get one over by Christianity. Right. He's just like, you can't just believe something. Dumb it. That will. What? And maybe keep developing that. Epawn that's going. One more move and it'll be in a reasonable spot for you. Yeah.

You want to. I'll let you move it backwards. If you want also, you can be even more passive with that E-Pon. This is the Donald James Parker universe where there are no other confident religions. So Pascal's wager is actually awesome. No, that's true. Yeah. So, okay.

So, but just then his sexy granddaughter shows up. A lot of his movies include, and I have a sexy granddaughter elements, right? So much rough. So much, the rest of the film will just be us trying to defend this young woman from the old men's standing. The whole time I was just like, blink twice, blink twice, you never did.

It's so terrible. Noah said sexy grand order. That wasn't like Noah editorializing. That was Donald James Parker and this other guy Jackson. That's the script. Oh, that's the script. Yeah. That's what it says in this fucking script sexy grand. Like that's probably her lines aren't preceded by the name Madison. They're probably just preceded by the words sexy granddaughter. Seriously, right. She walks into the house, first thing, and he's like, spin around. Let me see your womanly figure.

Yeah. And she spins and he's like, it's just like Gary Puckett, right? And I was like, what the fuck is that another apparently there's a song about really old men being shivious with granddaughters? I don't know. Yeah. It's, it's a Gary Puckett and the union gap reference. All right. I wrote my notes. Relax, man. Yeah. He says, that reminds me of the song by Gary Puckett about how sexy my granddaughter has become

horrifying. Well, so and that's the thing is that a ton of this movie was obviously Donald James Parker in this actor that played Jackson saying, you know, if we called it a movie, we could touch that 19 year old. We've touched your shoulders as much as we want. They do it. It stops you. So many times it's very uncomfortable.

Well, there's like, there's this great hug at the beginning here, right? Like when they when she first comes in, she hugs Donald James Parker and like, she's clearly standing as far away from him with every non the hugging part of her body as she can. So you ever try to pet a cat that doesn't want that? And then curl away from you like a ninja with little parts of their body just like I said, nope, missed me by a little bit. The whole movie is her doing that. She's hugging him like it's a saw trap.

Yeah. Right, right. So we learn here that she's moving in with him while she goes to college near bot. Oh, no, is she going to go to college classes as her college? We will never ever see her in a college or headed to a college or with a book. I mean, it's a Christian college. They might not have books. I don't know. Sure. No, she's gonna go to like anti-vax 101 for the first day and then start an argument, but it's only implied that that happened.

Yeah. The college ever. Yeah, no, that happens off screens. I know. And then so it grabs us like, oh, let me, let me carry these two suitcases upstairs for you. And she's like, okay, I have other belongings though in my car. And he says, and I quote, of course, you're a woman.

Owning stuff got him. Classic. Keep in mind, she's not visiting. She's moving there. Right. If she had just two suitcases, that would be insane and sad. Right. Well, because then it would be like escaping from an abusive boyfriend type of shit or something like that, right? I have a stick with a hobo sack left in the car. I'm a woman. Nice and masculine. I appreciate that. And then before she goes, he's like, hey, I've got a little surprise.

As a welcome gift, you get to cook dinner for my friends. For me and my friend. And I wrote my notes, sure, this is a normal and chill living arrangements. Yes. And he goes, oh, my friend who you'll be cooking for Jackson, he's an atheist, quote, it'll be great double teaming him. Oh, God. So many of these in the movie that they really are. Never here. There had

to be somebody on the set hearing double team. This guy and like just letting go. They're like, you know, this is fun for me. This is a game. We're just going to like all of these happen. Every time one of these happen, I thought about like Donald Trump going up to the Air Force one with the toilet paper hanging up with the back of his shoe. Right? Like how many people had to not tell him? Yeah. It escalates so much throughout the movie. Like I thought it was a prank. Like it almost seemed like it had to be intentional. I would love to be there the day they tried to explain that to Donald James Parker. Hey, Donald. Well, hello there, Chip. Ready to shoot the scene?

Yeah, about that. This line towards the end that you say to the granddaughter, I can't wait to double-team him together. Mm-hmm. Yeah, are you worried that's a little, you know, suggestive? A suggestive. Yeah. Of what?

Well, no, of a double team. I suggestive. Yeah. Oh, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, arguments. So we'll hand and also you conclude by saying quote, we're going to pound his intellect so hard our points will be dribbling out of him for a week. So you hear that, right? It's like super sexual. Whoa. Generally, too many crickets sexual. Yeah, you need to get your mind out of the gutter friend. Okay. Can we just go with the first thing, which is at least, you know, kind of normal, I guess. So what about the part of the end where I say we're going to spray our love of the Lord all over his face and chest? Please know. Oh, you're no fun. Exactly that must have happened. Yes. Exactly. Yes. Exactly that must have happened. Yes.

Exactly. Yes. All right. So now we cut to Jackson, misogynistically chatting with Madison after the meal. You're a good cook. Do you want to be a cook when you grow up the thing you just did? She says, no, I'm going to go to college and I'm going to study political science because we need more dedicated Christians in politics.

Yeah. Yeah. American politics is lacking Christian. That's a good, you're going to major in the accuracy politics at fucking Tennessee, whatever the fuck state Christian. Yeah, Tennessee Christian university. Yeah. So also, by the way, during this conversation, like at least three times, we hear crew members

talking loudly of camera full, full, I hate working on this fucking. Oh, yeah, totally. I hope everyone involved dies. Oh my God. He said, come on my face. And he doesn't know that that means come on my face. This is a. And then of course, as they're talking, Madison's like, you know, you don't seem very happy Jackson.

And he's like, yeah, I'm not because of all the atheism, right? There's just this tiny moment I have to capture. She's like, you don't seem very happy. And fucking John L. James Parker is like, Madison, shut the fuck up. And he goes, no, no, no, she's right. Don't don't tell her to shut the fuck up. I mean, you should shut the fuck up, generally, but this particular case, she doesn't need to shut the fuck up.

Yeah, right, because if being allowed to jerk off guilt-free, brings anything, it's unhappiness, right? So, but Gramps is like, well, I always just assumed that you were happy because you were rich and had a lot of stuff. And he's like, no, no, there's just this, oh, there's this something sized hole in my heart. I don't know of this shape. I'm not familiar with it.

Right. And Madison's just like something, exactly. Something hole. You're unhappy. And this wealthy atheist is like, fuck, you really cut to the core of my sad life. So wealthy atheist too does whatever he wants. Damn it.

Well, now, and look, look, all of his actions make sense if he's just trying to fuck Madison, right? I'm very interested in your cats. I'm very, tell me more about their personalities, you know? I gotta come over and meet these cats. I'm sorry. Yes, I'm sorry. I've come over.

There's so much of that in this fucking movie. So you're a DJ. What kind of, see CDs do you have? So yeah, and they make some jokes about how back in Vietnam, they used to call Gramps Mr. predictable. Sick burn, yeah, got him. I only bring that up because he goes, I'm not ashamed of being predictable.

And I'm like, Gramps, Gramps, look into my voice. You should be ashamed of all of the things that you are. Okay. Every little thing. Every single thing. Jesus. So and then of course we have to have Gramps get all upset because like Jackson wants to hear about Jesus from Madison, but didn't want to hear about Jesus from him. Okay. No fair. I wanted to sell you Jesus. Yeah. One point. Jackson's like like oh, I don't know something about looking into her eyes really made me interested in Donald James Parker Is such an ego maniac to be like I have sex your eyes I off you and me right now

He goes, look at these babies go. Oh, oh, oh. So, and then there's those of this great line where he says, no, no, I'm fine with you talking to Madison about Jesus. Again, this is a quote, as long as you're not just doing it to hack me off. Come on. Nobody. You might, okay, here's the thing. If you're saying you don't know that that expression is jack me off, that means you think hack me off is an expression, which is nothing. That's nothing. Right. So and then we cut to a pastor. This is not heath's best

worst. This is a pastor who manages to be even more Tennessee than Greg Locke, right? Yeah. He looks like if Keanu Reeves fucked David A.R. White, but then the baby got stung by like a stand by me amount of bees. You know what I'm saying? Okay. You know the guy who loses every WWE match. Like, I know it's a different one every time, but the like, no name guy who gets beat on the regular free version by the big stars. Yes. This guy is like a combination of all those people at the same time. Yeah. Also, he's like, he almost has the Catholic white collar, but not quite. Right.

It's like, it's like the priestly equivalent of somebody catching Superman in the phone booth halfway through his change. Oh, I'm a priest. He's got the white, but it's on a white shirt. So he just looks like he doesn't know how shirts work. Yes. Like he forgot to bring his tie or something. Yeah. So and also, by the way, this church, like every church we will see in this movie, is hilariously

empty. Right. So it's Graham's Madison and two board-ass looking guys that leave before the amen. And then so, and after the service is over, Graham's turned to Madison. He's like, so what do you think of my church? And she's like, it sucks and is boring.

Bad, right? Yeah. It's not good. And he's like, come on, come on. No, just be honest about it. She's like, I said bad. I said bad. It was really clear. Yeah. And she's trying to do like a positive spin on it. And she says, quote, I enjoy the old hymns as well as more contemporary music.

And I wrote my notes, I am a human being made of flesh. Yeah. And he goes, you know, I'm already sad because all these podcasters make fun of my movie. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Hi, Donald. Hi. Hi. He didn't name us specifically, but he said in the fucking movie and everyone makes fun of my faith. And then he just goes full fucking random ass boomer and he starts talking about, I don't

want to live in a world where ESPN talks about, we have football players coming out of the closet. Nice. Nice. Nice. Just all the James Barker making sure we don't have any sympathy for him. I can't. And any of us.

I don't want you to live in this world either. Go ahead and do what you can to the man. He says he doesn't want to live in a world where football players can be gay or where kids get suspended for saying God bless you when someone sneezes. Yes. Yeah, either that happened or a teenager lied once. It's the best story. I looked it up because I was like, okay, that's nothing.

But it could also just have been something that like farted out of Donald James Parker's skull. So I googled it and the story's amazing, right? So these kids are in class and they're being bad and one kid sneezes and so the other kid as a joke goes, God bless you, really loud. They get sent out of the room. And then the kids like, I was persecuted for being Christian and idiots like Donald James Parker were like, yep, sounds right to me. And I love also like this scene ends with Madison turning to him and saying, like, no, I'll go to your boring ass church.

I want to spend as much time as possible with you. And I wrote my notes, is the thing Gramps paid a pretty 19 year old girl to say to you? Yeah. At the end of the scene he goes, this is ironic. You knowing things. And I was like, Oh, not ironic. Just super insulting to your granddaughter. Yeah, right, right, exactly.

Crazy. Okay, so now we cut to its post dinner. We always are coming to dinner right after they finish clearing away all the plates or whatever. I guess in this movie. But this is the dinner where Madison is going to cook for Jackson and Jackson's granddaughter and give them a like a time share pitch about Jesus. So this is where we meet Brittany, the atheist's granddaughter, right?

Yeah, oh my God. And the way we meet her is so jarg. She's just like beginning a scene, like cold open a scene. She's like dinner was good. I'm getting a uterus vaccine so I can fuck. It's garter-stilling. That's not really her response to what's new with you. How does nowhere?

And then she says garter-stilling. I was like, here we go. Yeah. I wrote weird thing to share in response to what's new. Yeah. So now here's the thing. So in every Donald James Parker movie, there's this moment where you're like,

all right, this is a little bit boring. Is this we've heard all of this stuff before? He's like, oh, wait, wait. I'm going to up the crazy anti. And this is the first of those scenes in this movie, right? RFK Jr. dives into the frame. Yes. That guard is still murdering people. Just to be clear about the context here, we have a science professor, Jackson is a decades

long professor of science PhD and something. Yes. Versus day to freshman at fucking southeastern Tennessee Christian state community. Yeah. Or whatever. Bob Jones University at Prager U. Yeah. This is a great moment where Jackson's like, are you sure you're not an idiot who's been listening to Donald James Parker and she's like, no, no. He just wrote the movie. Yeah, no. He just wrote the movie.

He didn't say that. Also, there are no experiments that prove evolution. What? Evolution? What? Yeah, she goes, if you're so science, what about evolution? And I'm like, that's the best non-sec order that we've seen since what gives ISIS the right to chop people's heads off and let there be light. Okay. I love that. So goddamn much. I'm like, I'm still

like my, my Google is still on guard a silly. She's like, what about evolution? I'm like, oh my God, I can't keep up. She goes, I was homeschooled and he goes, oh, that explains it. She goes, what's that supposed to mean? And I'm like, so like you legitimately, you don't think the fact that everyone except you was taught by people with qualifications is relevant to the argument. You literally don't think that is an important point. No. I learned just as much at home at not school by definition as you learned at school, everyone can do everything equally. You're evangelical Christian mom is a really good teacher.

Yes. Yes. Of all the subjects. Yeah. And then of course, Brittany cuts in and she says, I'm participating in a fundraiser for cancer. And we all wrote, wait, is this movie pro cancer? It is.

It is. Again, Brittany's lack of segue ability is amazing. I lack a bunch. Yes, because they're talking about whatever and then it goes to evolution and then there's like no pause in the conversation. She's just like, also cancer's a Ponzi scheme. Let's talk about that now. We go after the American Cancer Society here.

Yep. Yes. This is a pro-cancer film. Yeah, now, so I actually, I checked about American Cancer Society. Not a great charity. They got an 82% on charity navigator. Like compared to modest needs is 97, that's pretty low. How does that compare to like Christianity and charity?

Is it pretty good or end slash out? Right, it's amazing. She goes, well, you know, do you know how much money the American Cancer Society is making? Like the executives are making and I'm like, how much of the top Christians making? Yeah. Yes. Do they have a private jet? Oh, you're beefing to it. Yeah. A lot of creflo dollars. Yeah. I love this so much. She goes, how come they spend more on administration and executives than they do on researchers? And I just wrote my notes. Do you actually not know that? You said like you're counting rent and ink pens on this. I have a letter R to you. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, well, you know, you sure have a low opinion

of mankind. I think that the cancer charity is crooked. She's like, you're the one who thinks we've come from fucking monkeys. She says something so terrifying. If you read between the lines, she goes, no, I just think that given the right circumstances, many people would let me be taking advantage of. And I was just like, yikes. Yeah. Yeah. But the scene can't end until I fall in love with Brittany. There's this amazing exchange where Madison's going off to study and she goes, well, it was very nice to meet you, Brittany. And Brittany's response is, and I quote, yeah, right. Yeah, no, no, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I get it. Yeah, it is nice to meet you. Yep, we were here. So she walks away and Jackson's like, so what do you think of her? And she's like, well, she's she's an insane person and it's really kind of sad. And he's like, I think she has sexy eyes. Yeah. Jackson ends the scene by saying, I thought she was interesting and passionate. And if Donald James Parker was wearing her clothes, I would smooch him too.

So, okay. So now we cut to sometime later, Jackson is honest computer. computer and he calls his daughter and now we haven't met her yet This is this is Brittany's mom, I guess right and and hey, don't worry You don't have to like memorize or kiss will never meet her again. Nope. Nope. She will never a factor into the story And in any way also in this scene the goddamn cameras like three degrees off of level because Gramps won't stop until I have ripped out my own eyes. Well, they have a two camera setup. I say that in quotes. I don't know. There's two devices. One is like sort of a movie camera. And then there's like an iPod shuffle taped to a. Oh, it's said that you can see the squares of the digitization or whatever. Damn, it was all the way zoomed in back off now back off. Yeah. So yeah, but Jackson is bringing her in to say that he has done some research on

that Gardisill stuff by which he means watch some YouTube videos and doesn't think that Brittany should get that shot anymore. And then as this scene is ending, the camera is fading out and Jackson grabs the sides of it and pulls them back like porky fucking pig or something and he explains that Mammograms cause breast cancer also mammograms cause cancer there. They're there. You're also cause cancer Dr. James Parker might as well pop up from the bottom of the screen like we have a chance to fight snook and deliver like we have a chance to fight Snoke and deliver. I'm all right. So then we get a brief shot of him like reading the Bible and thinking about it. And then we cut to this scene where Jackson and Gramps are fishing and Jackson's like,

I have some good news for you. I read the entire new testament last night. Last night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, well, you know, that reminds me of the old Arty Johnson routine. And I'm like, yeah, keeping it relevant once again. God, another 20 minutes of this shit that it's like, oh, we talked before we get into

it. Let's name some quotes from some talkies for I'd say 20 minutes. But what's cool, what's amazing is that they don't understand the joke of the arti johnson routine, right? The joke of the arti johnson routine is that someone is being interrogated by a Nazi inspector, weird sketch to fixate on. And so he keeps doing this exaggerated like very interesting, but then he like, it does a gotcha, right?

The idea is that it's everything's a gotcha in the sketch, but they were just like, he said very interesting, weird. Let's remember that until our brains fade from our skull. Right, yeah, right. Exactly, because that's what he's bringing it up to just say that the Bible was very interesting. That was it. And then he's like, he's like, so are you convinced?

He's like, well, I don't know. There are a lot of contradictions in the Bible and Donald James Parker's like, so are you convinced? He's like, well, I don't know. There are a lot of contradictions in the Bible. And Donald James Parker's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? What contradictions? And then he actually admits, he's like, well, you know, all four gospels disagree about, you know, who found Jesus is empty,

tomb, and who they met when they got there. And I'm like, yeah, right. The very most important element of that story is completely different irreconcilably different in all four fucking stories and the movie just moves on from that yeah so much of this movie it's this one guy who's actually read the bible he's an eight-year science professor and he's explaining bible stuff and all these Christian people in the movie are like, oh, is it does it say that? There's actually say that. Yeah, read that shit. And they kind of try to apologize for it. He's like, oh, so is that why you reject it? And the atheist who Donald James Parker wrote is like, oh, no, I'm not rejecting it. It's just that the

perfect word of God and the narrative of his sacrifice and rebirth has some oopsies. Why would that bother me? I love you a couple of divinely inspired oopsies. Why would that bother me? I love you a couple, divinely inspired oopsies. Yeah, exactly. But what really convinced him, though, what he finds very convincing is the die for a lie argument. Right.

Why would Jesus's followers die if they knew that Jesus was lying about the resurrection and stuff? Right. Because as we can all know, nobody who has ever lied has died. And no one who is lying has ever thought they were telling the truth. Nobody who's lying ever wrote a book about it. Right. Exactly. That's the other thing. The only evidence we have is

the stupid fucking book. Yes. Thank you. I also just love this moment that he gives the atheist the line. He says, look, there's no question. It's the greatest story ever told, but is it true? I wrote my notes. Yes. Really? Is there no question? It's the greatest story. I was like, even like, even when guy Richie went off on that weird ass phase post-Madonna and shit like even that was better than the Combine okay every Jack reach your story just so much And then he goes well, you know what really convinced me was talking to Madison quote your granddaughter is a special young lady Yikes face com Godter is a special young lady. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Yikes. Facecom stuff.

When you say special young lady in that tone of voice, they should immediately come and ankle bracelet you just think you need. There should be an automatic thing that you said a garden in hack you are. Like a demolition man. There's just a piece of yeah. Robocop shoot you in the day. A a

a wooden ball falls somewhere in some facility with your name, Garvin, do it. All right. Well, obviously I need to send Jackson a curated list of diatripes before it's too late. So we're going to take a quick break, but we're back in a flash with even more best friends eternally. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp Hi, I'm Tony D. From Tony D's house of weird things in your therapist's office that kind of ruined therapy.

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your trauma while staring at someone's pen dolphin collection. All right, Donald. So in this scene, you're going to do a funny voice like build it, okay? You guys are doing like old bits together. Oh, you got it, yeah, sure. Okay, perfect. And action. It's like Groucho would say, I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member.

Boy, you said it. An apple a day, my boy. An apple a day. Okay, cut. Cut. I'm sorry. I don't know what he doing there. So, I'm sorry, what? You were supposed to do an impression

and you just plugged your nose, that's nothing. Do like a voice, like is that, do a voice. Oh, oh a voice, you never got it. Yep, yep, yep. Right, right. Okay. And action. It's like Groucho would say, I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member. Boy, you said it.

An apple of the day, my boy. An apple of the day. Okay, still rolling down. We're just we're just gonna keep rolling, but look at your hand. Yeah, uh-huh. So where is it? Oh, you shot my nose on your nose. Yeah, so go ahead and take that off. Where is it? Are you shot by nose? On your nose, yeah. So go ahead and take that off. I'm like this? Nope, nope, that's not what you think.

Like this. That's your foot. Like this? Yes, perfect. Okay, still rolling. Steve, give him his line. It's like Groucho would say. I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member.

I'm Shylock the Jew. Okay, you know what, let's just go with the nose plug thing. Well, I am. Nope. Don't. Now we're cutting, we're cutting. We're cutting. And we're back for more of this shit.

And we're gonna open up on Jackson's surprise joining Gramps and Madison for a little bit of church, and, mm-hmm, right? When Donald James Parker sees him, he asks him what he's doing. They're like he walked in on Donald James Parker sees him, he asks him what he's doing there. Like he walked in on Donald James Parker naked. Yeah. No, and there's this weird moment. He's like, oh, I thought I should come to church and check your church out and everything.

And then they have this weird conversation where Madison's like, I'm going to have to sit in between you two to keep you two from fighting. I guarantee you that line was added to the script because there was a fight between these two old perv as men 100% about which one of them got to sit next to Mattis. Oh, I'm ready to the script and then she'll have to because it'll just be the script Yeah, 100% that happened. Yeah, her exact quote is I'll keep you both awake with my elbows and I wrote in my notes the Eli Bosnix Eli does give a hell of an elbow job in case you do. That's what he's referring to. And oh, there's this great one.

It's very soft. So they're going in. And right before they walk in, Jackson says to Graham, she's like, Hey, do you actually believe stuff like, you know, the Jonah and the whale story and stuff? And Graham goes, well, the story of Jonah is easier to believe than evolution. And then they just way, that's the end of the scene. They walk out. That's that's apparently his mic drop. I wrote my notes. I mean, easier to believe in that like children can believe it. Maybe it's just yeah, right. Right. Right. Yeah. No, if you're stupid, sure. Yeah. It's way

easier. It's easier to understand. You mean understand, Donald James Parker, the scene Pinot geo, not the good one. Yeah. I mean, the cartoon, not the cartoon, the live action one. That's real live action one. The one with the foot jobs. Yes. If you're not a patron,

I promise they should foot jobs. There are foot jobs in them. So okay. Also, why aren't you a patron? Yeah, right. Motherfucker. So then we cut to after the church service. And Graham's is like,

so what do you think of my church? And Jackson's like, always, it was fucking boring. It was really incredibly boring. And I'm like, how honest? So, no. Now of course, the movie is trying to say that he has to go to the more interesting church

which is gonna turn out to be Madison's church which is more aligned with Donald James Parker's like actual beliefs or whatever. But in the moment, it's just like, that would be awesome. If he's like, yeah, no, I was finding it very interesting until I realized how boring being a Christian is and I'm now no longer interested in the credits just start to roll. No, but Madison's like, I go to a skateboarding church. Same Bible, skateboarding. It's exciting. Yes. Also Noah, were you a little bit triggered by the fact that this was a Jaguar's

themed pew area that they were okay. Yeah. Very teal. Butch a bunch of Johnny come lately. He's all of fucking. Yeah. Bullshit. Yeah. Jimmy Smith. What did he do? So yeah, but this is where they explain because he's like, yeah, a lot of what they were saying didn't seem to line up with what I read in the Bible. And this is where Gramps explains that there are hundreds of different types of Protestantism. Right. And I'm like, yeah, but like that's a point on our side. Exactly. I said, I wrote my notes. I'm glad that's not a problem for your world view, Donald James Parker. Yeah.

No, like, if there was reality behind it, they would move towards unity over time, not divide over time. That's just how true things work universally. Yeah, you know how there's like 300 different kinds of biology that all believe that blood is different shit. It's like that. Right. Historical biology. blood is different shit. It's like that. Right. Historical biology. Yeah. So, and also, so this is the first time, but not the

last time I wrote my notes in all caps. Jackson stopped sitting. So fucking close to Madison. Oh my God. It's a harm of me. It's a harm of me. And Madison's thigh is the effect of my lifetime. He just got you can see her just being like, just it's the is the victim. Yes, he's time. He just got a... You can see her just being like, boom, it's the sweat is pouring. I can feel my legs are wet. You two are right on me. You're not in my lap, but you're not not in my lap.

You understand what I'm saying here. There's also this great moment where he's like, oh, lots of different types of Christianity. And she says, and I quote, check out YouTube. You'll find some solid information. If you're internet savvy, you can check out YouTube. You'll write yes. He's like, oh, yeah.

I kind of am. I'll program on YouTube and check out YouTube. Oh, let me, let me write this down. HTTPS. Go. Which way do the slashes go? Wait, you know about the S for savvy. And then she says, yeah, search strange fire on YouTube.

And I'm like, your wishes, my command. Oh, did you do it? Oh, yeah, I did. Absolutely. Okay. Here's what I got. Hopefully we got something different. I got white guys in a circle jerk.

That was like the, the open clip clearly, a bunch of those. And then I got one, Indigo Girls video. I also got an Indigo Girls video. I don't think so. Okay, did you guys get the Nollywood movie? I did not go to page three. No, I just, no, you gotta go deep,

but there is a Nollywood movie that is now on our movie list called Strange Fire. Very excited. You never go deep on DJ movie list called Strange Fire. Very excited. You never go deep on DJP recommendations on the internet. So okay, honestly though, I found this so fascinating. I got lost on this rabbit hole. So what, just very quickly, what Strange Fire is, it's a reference to the Leviticus story

where Aaron's sons get burned up for like showing God fire wrong. They say, you know, that they brought in Strange Fire to the tabernacle. And so God killed him. And we don't know what the fuck that means. So strange fire is just like a code word within charismatic Christianity for whatever doctrines I don't personally believe in. Right. Right. Whatever doctrines I don't believe in, those are that strange fire that you're bringing into the tabernacle and God will kill you. Right. So it's just a another way of saying only my thing is true though. Oh, this is like shibboleth, but like kind of also a slur word at the same. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's a slurship. That's fun. Yeah. It's a way to tell someone they're going to hell while sharing a marshmallow

square with them. Exactly. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Right. At the potluck. Yeah. And what I love about the white guy circle jerk is that it's supposed to be them like, oh, here comes the real intense conversation about that, except none of them are reaching the weight. The Bible doesn't say this. Guys, guys, I figured out why we're confused. Right. Yeah. Exactly. You know, they have four different accounts of the fucking resurrection. And that seems weird. Yeah. Look, listen, I know our podcasting videos look the same if you do that, but like we, we then after we talk about not stuff, it's that's why it's different. So then we see Jackson, he's out one day comes across Madison and another young woman holding literal, I'm a crazy person in the background of a cartoon science.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like David, like it's not quite the end is not, but one of them just says repent with a big cross, but don't worry. It's not aggressive. It has polka dots. Yeah.

So they wrote repent and they were like, hold on. This is vague cross Christian repent and hold on. Hold on. This is vague cross Christian repent and hold on. Hold on. This is aggressive polka dots. Yeah. I'm worried that your message of eternal hellfire is coming on a little strong. Can we juge it up a bit? Perfect. Okay.

Do you have a bedazzler? Yeah. I do. So and then he's like, he's like, Hey, what are you guys doing with the crazy people sides? And the other young woman who is introduced as Hannah, she starts explaining what they're doing, but there's a truck that's loudly backing up behind them, the whole time. And she can't understand the bucket. So good. She gets. There might as well be a giant blender every time. It's so good. Well, Jesus is all. I was saying Jesus. It was so good. I don't know where they chose to shoot these.

Because they come to this location a couple of times. But I think it's the not giving a fuck center because people are walking in front of the cameras. Yes, you got trucks backing up. There's one way where a lady walks in between them and the fucking camera looks right into the camera. Basically mouse I'm ruining your shot It's so good, but yes, but this is where we meet Shane who will eventually become Madison's love interest This young guy walks up and he's like wait a minute. All I have to do is invite Jesus into my heart

and then I'm saved and I can go send as much as I want. Right? Yeah. If I had a nickel for every time, I got a glass or two and wine in me and then started to go off on my anti-carrismatic apologetic screen. Okay, my favorite character in the movie, I think, is right here too.

Shane's girlfriend. Shane's girlfriend. Yes. Shane's girlfriend. She sees her boyfriend walk up to the sign people and she's clear like, don't engage. Don't engage. Oh my God. He's engaging.

Like, right then, Lucinda was so sympathetic with that woman, right? Lucinda and we're both just like, yes, I know I got it. I get it. Yeah. So they start talking for a while and she's clearly getting bored. She's swaying back and forth because she's drunk like this. And one. Yeah. She's. And a few sentences in. She lets them go and then finally she's like, oh my God, so boring. Methodon clinic. Chipotle. That's why we're at this.

It's fucking go. Yeah. But he says, you know, hey, I'm saved and that's all that matters. I don't have to repent. And they're like, you know, what fuck you? And he's like, Oh, that's a good point. And then him and his girlfriend, Lee. Yeah. And I wrote my notes here. Well, that was a weird scene to put in the movie. But I didn't realize at the time that the remaining third of the movie would be about this insane argument that Donald James Parker is having with himself that nobody gets a shit about Apparently that argument is the plot of this film. Yes So and then after they leave Jackson's like wow, you know to people often drunkenly come up to you to argue theology and Hannah says, bless

her fucking heart. People get awfully abusive and use a lot of one syllable words. So that's not a phrase, right? Like one syllable that's not a four letter. And that's and bless his fucking heart. Jackson, the actor playing Jackson is like, you mean one syllable with four letters in them? She's like, no, different. Oh, does he clarify? Yeah, he actually asked that. Are you sure you don't mean that? And she's like, no, some of them have five letters.

I guess the B word has five letters, right? Oh, I couldn't hear because of the train saw call that was next door. It's fair. Yeah. And he goes, well, why do you do it? And Madison says, well, you know, if we can just keep one person out of hell, it'll all be worthwhile. And I'm like, well, why do you do it? And Madison says, well, you know, if we can just keep one person out of hell,

it'll all be worthwhile. And I'm like, well, that's technically true, yes. That's not true. Yeah. You're saving them from the invisible unicorns, you see? Oh, okay, yeah. All right, yeah. And it's fine.

And also because John L.J. Parker can't help himself. He's like, oh, and by the way, he's a war hero. He saved my life in the end. Yeah, your grandpa is a fucking war hero end of sea. Donald was just shaking. I haven't been on camera for 10 minutes. Someone talk about the size of my penis. How cool I am. Water causes cancer. He's a war hero. Okay, we're done. We're done. So then, okay, so now we're going

to check in on Madison's church. Jackson is checking out her church. Now, up until this moment, given what we had heard about it, we expected this to be like a rock and roll skateboard church, one of those youth oriented hip-hop, but it's not. It's the exact same shit with a yellier pastor and red colored cushions on the pews. It's a pastor of hockey. Yeah, it's how I would describe him. He looks like this is the first acting job he's had where his line wasn't, well, look what we had here. He's just braiding people with his sermon. It's so weird. It's like jerk off instructions for, but a really weird part of that. You know,

got this guy would look out of place anywhere, put on a subway platform screaming about his precious bodily fluids. I was again, we expected some handsome young charismatic guy and we got like Greg Locke's Greg Locke, right? Yeah. And the whole point of his little screen here is like, I refuse to make the Bible palatable. And I wrote, like, it's not the brag you think it is, man, not the brag you think it is. He's like, I could water down the Bible, but then we'd have to let in the gaze now. Yeah. Is his point. And then he stops.

And the middle of his sermon, it starts to do it a cold reading on Jackson, right? And he says, you will. And I quote, he shouts to this man who is new to his church, you will become a mighty arrow in the quiver of God almighty. And I wrote in my notes, said the same person. And then the same person followed that up with information is a scam. You just know that. Yes, you'll never find your way through information.

Almost exactly. Yes, stay away from all that Satan data about the truth of the universe. All right. So then we cut to that church, wrap it up. And Jackson would like to sit incredibly close to Madison and talk about all the things that they just learned, right? Yeah, he's like so that guy he's like zoltar but with God He goes is he like a fortune teller and she says well, he wouldn't like that label. I'm like that's not no No, don't lay down on my life. It's no fortune tellers are his competition as the answer right

Don't lay down on my lap. It's no fortune tellers are his competition as the answer. All right. And then he goes, he's like, so is the prophecy that he said about me becoming a mighty arrow? Is that, is that gonna come true now? And she goes, that depends on you. And I'm like, oh, so it's not a prophecy. It's just bullshit.

An offering. Yeah, advice if you will. Yeah. But just yellishly delivered. The prophecy depends. I'm gonna stop you right there. Yeah. But just yellishly delivered. The prophecy depends. I'm going to stop you right there. Yeah. So, okay. So then we have a stupid fucking scene where we flesh out some more Gramps and Jackson's backstory. It doesn't ever fucking matter. It's just more jerking off Donald James Parker about what a hero he was. And then we cut back to Jackson sitting

uncomfortably close to to Madison in those same pews before a church the next time. Right. Because at the end of the last scene, he was like, well, I'm going to look into this prophecy stuff. And so at the beginning of this scene, he's like, yeah, it turns out nobody can agree on prophecy that has eternal consequences. Isn't that interesting and not a problem at all for your world view?

And you know what's good music for all that to happen? Blues harmonica, agrarian, play from just outside the frame. I wrote cowboy music in the background was a weird choice. So weird. Brum plan. Oh, wow. Okay. Right there.

And then she they start talking a little bit more about his history with grams. And he says, you know, like we used to think he was a snob, but it turns out he's just a loop. Yeah. And I wrote, wrote Donald James Parker about himself, but like, but does he think a loop is complimentary? Yeah. I did. The, the, the line he has given Jackson here is, quote, he never shared in our normal male bonding. And quote, and I wrote in my notes, a good line. Well, right. English. Yes, you have English to good.

The point of this exchange was by accident being like, yeah, Vietnam was bad, but fucking Gramps was the world. That's what they accidentally said here. When I think about the unpleasantness of Vietnam, your grandfather's behavior is first and foremost in my mind. First and foremost. And then it's those kids I shot. So somebody play the rescue rangers.

And then we cut to the worst scene in the movie. Now during this scene, Donald James Parker and Jackson will have a conversation. And I rewound like four fucking times trying to listen to what that conversation was about, but I couldn't because I was focused instead on this insane goddamn chess match that they were having. No, absolutely.

I heard nothing from this scene. It's pretty long and they talk a lot. They might as well be murdering a puppy. I can't understand what you're talking about. I'm not listening to you. Yeah, no, every gorilla could come through with a basketball and I wouldn't see a single fucking one. Not a chance.

The chest was so bad. Okay. I will say the very beginning was actually kind of reasonable. So like, yeah, F three as a start. I was like, sure. That's not what I would do, but like, that's something. There's a there is a reasonable opening that starts that way. Yes. And then E six was the response. And I was is a reasonable opening that starts that way. Yes.

And then E6 was the response. And I was like, Oh, that actually made sense. And then a three. And I was like, all right, what Jackson stupid atheist. And then they pulled the 10 pieces out of their bucket and gently sprinkle the McGraws the board. A three. What are you doing?

Why are you going so early with all the way? And then Gramps moves his second fucking move is night. H six. God. I'm sorry. Like I'm not, I'm not a fucking chest genius or anything. But like, this is why we bring back the amputation as a punishment thing. It's because some fucking idiot went night to H six. Not only did he not take the giveaway pawn there with his bishop, which is obviously what you would do. Thank you. Move the night all the way to the fucking edge of the board,

which is so not useful. What the fuck? Especially at the beginning of the fucking game. Maybe you've never heard of routing with the cavalry, Heath? Ha? Because it's a horse. It's a horse, I'm a dammit. And then, because we're all heath and I are writing detailed notes about this fucking shit, they back off and they come back to the chessboard and they've changed it again. They've gone back a few moves, they've taken his knight away from age six, but then he does

knight to age six again. They made me watch it twice. Yeah, great. then he does night to age six again. They made me watch it twice. Yeah, right. The rewind they did was they changed A3 to B4 to make it a complete giveaway pond. So it was even dumber. Then we see, yeah, twice that terrible,

just don't show the board if it's gonna be wrong. If the board's gonna have stupid rewinds, just don't show it. Like they might as well have like different shirts on every time and then like, it's night time and then they're old. I don't know. They have hot dog fingers in the neck. Move like, just don't show it. Black guys. I would just like to point out that I called this. I wrote in my notes before seeing them. This chest is killing heath. Heath is dying right now. She was so stupid. But during this But during the fifth time I rewouted,

I did catch that the conversation was about whether you could get to heaven through grace alone or by good works. That was the conversation. Yeah, no, no. Okay, I don't care. I was watching Eli Park in chat. I was so mad.

It was like watching two Eli's park against each other in some kind of terrifying competition made to trigger me. Horrible. So then we cut to Jackson and Madison having just eaten another lovely meal at a spotless table again, right? Lovely meal as in butter. Well, that's what we see butter.

Yeah. So and Jackson is like, hey, you know, Noah's starting to get a little frustrated after the chess scene. Can we do some next level crazy for the next three minutes? And she says, you want to talk about evolution? And he says, yeah, she says, do you want to talk about it with exactly as much acumen as we just played chess? And he's like, yeah. Hey, hey, Noah, those pieces were on the board.

No, that's true. They were all chess pieces. That's it was not a board. It was a mat and the man had a little fold in. And it didn't have a fucking iron down. It was a long John Silver's menu. You got to flatten the mat. Fuck.

And so, yeah, but so she starts and they start talking about evolution. And he's like, you're a science teacher. And he's like, yes, in college, I was just, I taught science 101 in the just general science. And she's like, what do you think of evolution? He goes, well, you know, I wasn't a biologist. So I didn't know very much about it. And she's like, well, let me explain it to you.

But like with a smarmy look on my face. And he goes, oh, it doesn't sound explain it to you, but like with a smarmy look on my face and he goes, oh, it doesn't sound very convincing when you do it like that. Yeah. She says, I think that worldview is a little simplistic and I wrote my notes, oh, really lady who thinks a wizard did it.

That's too simplistic for you. Yes. She goes at one point, she's like, she's explaining the, you know, the path from single-celled organism to complex organism. And she goes, I'm not even going to ask how that could happen. I'm like, is that because Gramps looked up the answer and he was like, Oh, wow, that part's observable. I guess I shouldn't talk about that.

Oh, oh, can we talk about the legs? Oh, legs are my favorite part. This is so okay. So what's it, there's a, there's a classic creationist argument about the turtle shell, right? Of like, oh, you know, all the transitional things between normal and turtle shell actually are disadvantaged. So how can that develop?

So he heard, and it's a stupid fucking argument. I don't have the time to get into why, but he heard that argument and he's like, oh, so you can name any part of any animal and use this argument. And he does it in the dumbest possible fucking way, right? Because he's like, what about legs? Like, do you really think that having part of a leg would make you better able to survive? And I'm like, obviously it would.

I don't think we evolved like from fish and like a fish got, you know, the top of a leg, so like, son of a me for a little while. And you know, we, they live through it. So I'm pretty sure that's not what happened. Yeah. No, I'm like, look, yeah, a leg bud that would allow you to more quickly and accurately move across the sand. Yes, that would obviously increase your chance of survival, regardless of, you know, how smart me to look on your face when you say it is. Yeah. Yeah. That's the argument. And then she's like, no, because they would all get killed.

Every like fucking, you know, stumpy legfish, we get, there's a sharp, to eat every legfish idiot, why would they even, brokriot then? She goes, how do the legs develop in pairs? And I'm like, that's such a delightfully stupid question. How does the number two exist?

Do you know what it's like? Think about how fucking stupid you have to be. Not just to have that thought, because I have pretty fucking stupid thought. But then to be like, I should write this down and say it as an argument. And do some film around it. Yes, film another human saying it.

And nowhere in that process will I go, do. Yeah. So, no, this argument is the equivalent saying it and nowhere in that process will I go. So no, this argument is the equivalent of looking at a house and going, okay, but how did they get the roof all the way up there before there were walls to hold it in place? A shark would eat that roof. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

It's amazing how little you have to know about evolution for these to seem like gotcha questions like because everything she asks, if you read a fucking middle school biology textbooks explanation of evolution would answer every single question she asked, right? Like all of those questions are so incredibly basic. There are questions that are like, you know, these stupid curated creationist questions that are difficult for a person who doesn't know a lot about evolution to answer. But these aren't them. Yeah, you know where you would learn this is when your evangelical mom is not teaching you.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. If your mom wasn't teaching you through and you expect me to believe. All right, right. God, this argument is like the equivalent of dropping the mic and then it just like breaks and you get really loud feedback until somebody unplugs it or something.

That's this whole conversation. It's like, so when our editor and of course cast member over on D&D Minus, Morgan will occasionally like once a year who'd be like, hey, you could do this stuff and it would improve your sound quality. And he explains for like two or three sentences and then just to seize my deadening eyes and it's like nevermind. That's how these people feel about evolution. Yeah, right. So, okay, then we cut to a conversation between Gramps, Madison and someone's obnoxiously loud window unit. And Gramps is like, and of course, he's screaming over the side of the air condition.

He's like, I hear you totally poned Jackson about evolution in that last scene, huh? Yeah. Because, you know, having his opinions said through that girl was not enough. Now he needs to turn to say them as well. Yes. Right. Well, but we learn here that Grams is character, at least to this point, believes in evolution, right? She says, well, do you believe in evolution?

He goes, well, you know, I have a PhD and people who have PhDs don't think independently. So I just believe whatever I was told. I have a PhD in English. So I have to believe in evolution is what he's saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then he adds science teachers, you know, they never questioned my opinion about like

fucking Shakespeare. So I never question them about evolution and that's a tie. So that's my question. And then he says, and we all got very excited about this one. He says, by the way, what was that noise coming out of your bedroom last night? I wrote minus please be a gas powered dildo. Please be a, no, no, no, no, no, she was praying in tongues. I wrote my notes.

I'm going to try that excuse next time. Who knows an ancient dead language could sound like this? You don't know, it's ancient and dead. I just love the idea that praying was happening in the tongues. So she was asking questions, so it was like, shamanala, lama. Lama? Would you be able to shamanala?

I love the idea that like God was answering, but also in tongues, so she didn't know when he was talking about it. Yeah. So, and then he goes like, I'm not really sure what to do about that. And then the scene ends. And I'm like, I guess you really weren't sure

what to do about that. Guys, gotta remember, Donald James Parker is playing a wrong person in this movie, which means that there is a possibility if we behave ourselves and act real nice. There's footage out there of Donald James Parker speaking in tongues and we don't need a comedy podcast anymore. We just released that footage once a week for the rest of our life. Everyone laughs at the funniest possible thing that's ever been done of him being like,

sure. Exactly. Yes. It's out there. It's out there. We are a visitor to wherever town he lives in away from seeing this. I was going to say and if it's not, if there's not footage of it, we could obtain footage and make a footage. Yeah.

You're the only one of us that can look Christian. It's up to you. He. All right. So the next day he's outbiking and a handsome older woman comes by to flirt with him. Now I say older. She's like older than me. Well, I don't know. She's probably my age, but like way fucking younger than Donald James Parker. So half of his age, yes. And she's like, hello, I find you heterosexual attractive, sir.

You look like a war hero. Yes, you do. And look, we've seen Donald James Parker do some super, super pathetic self inserts, right? He changed Jews out of Judaism, right? He fought Antifa in a movie we watched once, you know, but there's nothing sadder than how he's written a woman being attracted to him. There's nothing sadder than the vestige of his imagination of her being like, ooh, shall we ride bikes together? The big boy mascot that starved for a while and it's time to move. Okay, I will say my favorite part, possibly of the whole movie is Donald James Parker coming so fucking close to getting hit by an SUV

when they pull away. Yes. When he started biking. We almost witnessed it. It was great. Yeah, because he doesn't wear no helmet because he's no pussy, right? Like she puts on her helmet and he's like,

I know I'm wearing a helmet and I'm like, you know what, Gramps, I like that you don't wear a helmet personally and I love it. And then just as I'm writing that into my notes, an SUV comes by a damn near clips. Yeah. So in Ph.D. you never told me about helmets that that was an S- Time traveling us and SUV having mere mists. Yeah.

Just as he takes off. So yeah. So they bike by her place and she's like, do you want to come in for a little lemonade? If you know what I mean, unfortunately she means lemonade though, but. Well, yeah, she kind of doesn't is what we learned, but he's like, yes, I would love a lemonade. So they go inside and he's drinking lemonade and he's like,

so clearly at some point just before we see them inside, she was like, oh, you, you, you want that beverage right now? You're cool. Okay. Yep, I'll make some now lemonade. I guess I'll go get some lemonade. And then she starts rubbing his shoulders.

And the only way I can describe this performance podcast listeners, I want you to imagine that someone puts you at sort of like chest level with a big pile of big shit. And then they asked you to massage it. That's how she massage his subtle chains, Parker's shoulders like. It's. This counts as touching. Yes, it does. And then she has to say, here's the line that Gramps has written for her to say about him. And I quote, I swear I'm not making this line up. Good looking guys like you shouldn't deprive all these lovely

ladies of your company. You cannot deny the vaginal universe, your penis, Donald James Parker, the war hero actor of your poet in real life. So meanwhile, Madison is telling Jackson just how upset Gramps was with all the tongue praying that she was doing, right? And she's like, well, you know, he might kick me out. And Jackson's like, you could stay in my bed, place, my house house. Right. And she's like, oh, I don't know if that would be appropriate. And I'm like, it's not.

He's like, okay, my granddaughter will move in at the same time, which one doesn't help her change that. And two, I don't think you can just for hey, you're living with me. I want to see you living my head. It's been going to make it less, look way less creepy when I invite this 19 year old. Yeah. So and she's like, well, you know, you still haven't prayed. Would you like to pray with me right now, this moment? And I, and I, and I,, well, you know, you still haven't prayed. Would you

like to pray with me right now, this moment? And I, and I, and I, I want a Christian to ask me that so fucking bad because my answer will be, okay, but we have to sit back to back. Oh, okay know, it was really disappointing that like she never, like they kept talking about her praying in tongues and we kept waiting for it and it kept never happening. And we're like, oh, they must be waiting for the big act three reveal. But no, we never fucking get. Jackson tries to keep flirting. He tries to get in. He's like, Shama.

Mama. She throws him a cobra and he panicked. Yeah. Matt Madison, when he's asking to pray, Madison says, just talk to God the way you talk to me. And I wrote in my notes, creepily close and with too much touching. That's what I love. Right. Yeah, he goes like, I have a confession to make.

I believe in God in Jesus now. Well, that make you boom fully embrace me. And she's like, it will. It will. He's like, okay, because I had some backups, but I guess this one weren't. But then he starts talking theology with it, right? He's like, you know, I've been reading the Bible

and I have a lot of questions like according to Mark, Christians get a bunch of different powers like, like the ability to speak in tongues, et cetera. He says et cetera, because the other thing to say is, snake handling and poison immunity. Yeah, poison drinking drinking poison drinking. Yeah, but he just said or something like,

Oh, what's matter, grams? Are you ashamed of your Bible? And what it really says, you don't want to admit that it says you get fucking snake poison fucking Wolverine powers. Shouldn't you be fine if you take the guard of cell if you're that's weird. The Christians ever got hurt by that.

And then all of a sudden, God speaks to Madison and warns her that he's, now we don't hear the voice of God. She just suddenly says, Oh, Jackson, God has spoken to me and says that my grandfather's in danger of going astray. Yeah. God speaks to her the way God's ever spoken to anyone in front of me, which is that God is just like, yes, ending the point they were already making to be like desperately trying to exit the conversation. See, I like the idea that God was just like, yo, Gramps is fucking a bicycle lady and she's like,

oh, okay. But yeah, he's like, but before, okay, let's pray about that. But before we do, I wanna talk about getting soaking wet with you and she says, what? He goes, a baptism, I was talking about, can women baptize? Is that a thing? Yes, we could do together.

This is the best thing. So Donald James Parker very clearly doesn't believe women should be able to baptize people because he's crazy. So what he has Madison say is, well, nothing in the Bible about whether women should baptize people, but I'm not sure. Yeah, but in all the baptisms in the Bible, it's a man. So who knows? Her actual line is can women baptize?

Yes, but should they? Jesus fucking. Sounds like a fucking teaser for the evening news in the 90s. Right. Yes, exactly. And then they pray that Gramps won't get laid together, which means this movie just made me think a Donald James Parker getting laid and I need a minute to wash my fucking brain. But first let me give it a act to be the hard sell.

Oh, Please. What? Will Madison ever attend a class? Will Jackson back the fuck up? Shama Lama Lama Lama Lama? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the entirely new plot they go with in Act 3 of Best Friends Eternally. Wow, Grandpa. What a beautiful sunny day.

Sunny day. Live the old song. ain't no sunshine when she's gone Though I don't imagine you know that one no, no, I know Bill withers. Oh Wow, so I guess the old horse still has a few more turns around the track, eh? I mean, that's a pretty popular song. Yeah, you know folks these days. They don't appreciate the old things the Beatles Frank Sinatra. What? The Liberty Bell. This is just incredibly popular, cultural phenomena.

Everybody knows about them. Kids these days they don't know about George Washington or Jesus or the word potato. Sorry, did you say potato? I suppose Mary go round, it's gone a few turns too many for this old horse, too old for the words of Eldon Edwards and Robert Shelton. Um, the KKK Grand Wizards? I miss racism.

There it is. Yeah, got it. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Madison getting home to Gramps sitting there all guilty and simple. Okay, I wanted so bad for her to walk in and Gramps is just getting hagged by the bike. Yeah.

Yeah. See that? Using the bike peg. Cool. Yeah, Madison's like, so what did you do today? He's like like not fuck a bike lady. That's I didn't get pegged normal Nothing my dick isn't sticky your dick is stick not receiving anal Org in or giving of normal giving So yes, so she's like hey, you know good news Jackson is Christian now. He's like what I was so I a, I wasn't, I said, I wasn't getting anal. What?

Normals, not sex. And then we cut to grams going back for more lemonade. Oh my god. By which I mean, going back for more lemonade. Yeah. It's bourbon lemonade though. Right. Yeah. He drinks it. He goes, wow, that's really good. She says, well, I put a little bourbon in it. And I'm like, well, then no one would say, wow, that's really good. She says, well, I put a little bourbon in it. And I'm like, well, then no one would say, wow, that's really good. No one would drink lemonade, taste alcohol, and be like, yummy.

Yes. Right. I will. Nobody who didn't realize it was bourbon. Right, like if you put bourbon and heath slamin' and you'd be like, that's a good bourbon or whatever. But like, fucking somebody who doesn't drink isn't gonna go, ah, the lovely taste of alcohol.

Yeah. And Donald James Parker's insane. So the line he wrote for himself was like, oh, there's bourbon in this. I don't like alcohol. Wait, maybe I do. Yes. And then this, this incredible actress that he's gotten to play bike lady managed just without vomiting visibly to say, well,

how did you like the taste of my lips the other day? God, but, I mean, almost visibly. Because where was horror? Did you ask her? Did you? I got it. I got it. I got it.

One take, one take. The taste of my lips is my line. I nailed it. I'm looking up who won bet. Okay, K plan chat won it for blue jasmine in 2014 and that's nowhere close to it. Exactly. Exactly. Right.

She didn't even get that nominate. No, it's fucking disgusting. Okay. So, so then we get him at home telling Madison that he doesn't really want to go to church this weekend. Instead, he's going on a trip. But she's like, so where you going? And he's like, fuck you.

Stop, stop riding my ass. You fuck with the Holy Spirit, right? And so she agrees. I want to make sure I heard this right. She agrees when she's going to pray in tongues to do it outside. Yes. In the backyard. Yes. I wanted backyard. Yes.

I wanted to see that so bad. Go to the edge of the village in a little hut or something. Oh, I really wanted this to cue like three company antics between her and him and the Holy Spirit. What are you doing? Are there nothing? Shamanalam. Shamanalam.

So, all right. So then we cut to the red pew church and Jackson and Madison are talking about how they're starting to worry that Gramps isn't going to make it to church. This is where Shane shows back up. You guys remember Shane, right? No. He was the guy that was making theological arguments to their stupid repent now signs. Oh, methadone guy. Yeah. Yeah, that's him. So he shows up. He wants to like check out her church. And then we get this amazing, like once again, it's like bad.

Noah's starting to, starting to fall asleep a little preacher man, but fucking preacher of hockey as he's put it. Can you just really crank it up to 11 with the crazy? He's like, bacteria by the billion sure what the fuck was happening. So Shane when he first shows up he's like, yeah, no, I just came down to the church because Madison said, you know, I really should hear this particular sermon. It's going to be a good one. Bacteria trying to fuck us in the cut. What? Is that a Christian thing? Are they? is there a bacterial conspiracy of Satan?

Look, if you understand evolution, the way this movie understands evolution, all bacteria are trying to fuck you in the cut. It's true. Okay. Okay. So, but here's what he said. Here's the actual thing that he's saying. Now, I'll do you the favor and leave out the microphone rubs that we got in the movie as he says this.

But what he's saying is that there are bacteria by the billion around us and every time you get a cut, they're trying to get in and infect you. And demons are the same way, right? It gets crazier once he gets to the other end of the analogy. There are billions of demons around you and they're trying to get into and the cut, the thing that you use to invite them in could be quote, something innocent, like a Ouija board reading the horoscopes in the newspaper or even a Harry Potter book.

Right. Which means again, I know there's not video footage, but there was a scene in reality where fucking Donald James Parker was reading the paper glanced at the horoscopes and said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. I mean, sorry, Jackson. I'll discuss what they've just learned about the Satanic nature of weep boards. And and and and chains like, well, I don't know if I believe all that. And she's like, well, I have some excellent research material about, you know, Harry Potter and Satanic horoscopes. And I'm like, when you say research, do you mean YouTube videos? Because I feel like you mean YouTube videos. Do you mean the people we cover on our other podcast? Yeah videos. Do you mean the people we cover on our other podcasts? Yeah, I think you mean the people we cover on our other podcasts.

Greg Locke's book burning egg, Greg Locke's book. They named like seven or eight regular, Zonskating headlines in this movie. They did, yeah, proudly. Yep. Mark Driscoll, Joel Osteen, Gatson, the air. Yeah, it's not even, this is the podcast of us coming together. So

okay, so, so then we get Gramps talking to fucking, I wrote my notes, Jessabelle, her name's gonna turn out to be Bell later. No. Yeah, but we get to, he's like taking her home after their weekend of debauchery and pegging or whatever, right? And he goes, you know, I think we should get married and make this relationship honest. And she's like, I literally just spent one fucking weekend with you. No.

I had many lady orgasms. Yes, that's true. You don't just talk to give me that. I don't want to marry you now three weeks in to a relationship. At most. Yeah. And then she's just like, oh, we could play tennis

on like Tuesday if you want, but not the marriage thing. Yes. Well, and this is a big moment, right? Because she's like, well, we can play tennis on Tuesday. He's like, well, I have Bible study on Tuesday. And she says, I'm not more important than Bible study. And he says, yes, that he will play tennis. Boo, his missing Bible study for life.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So, okay, so then like we cut to some time later, they're out biking together. Oh, this is the three week, because he's like, yeah, this is where we met three weeks ago, right. Mm-hmm. And just then someone from his church happens by,

and he says, hey, Donald James Parker, haven't seen you in church for a little while, and he's like, I haven't been having anal sex with this woman. You've been an anal fucking her. He's been, he's my cousin, what's this line? He's my cousin, yeah. This is my cousin, I wanted him to be like, we're fucking, we don't use condoms and the guys like, it's okay, it's Tennessee.

We get it. Yeah. So yeah, he says, no, she's my cousin and then he runs off. Like mom caught him smoking a cigarette or so shit. You just dive into a bush. I see it. Smoke bomb. You just yelled smoke bomb.

I don't think I can. You can't see me. So so we cut that magic Gramps house and now Madison's dad is there his son Madison's dad. His son walks in and he goes, it's good to see you dad. And I wrote Donald James Parker paid a middle aged man to say to him. Yes. Well, here's the thing.

He says it's good to see you dad. And then Donald's character goes, is it? And I wrote in my notes probably not. Yeah, no, no, and it wasn't. Yeah. So this is the scene where Gramps explains that Madison has to move the fuck out because she's cock blocking him, right? Yeah, I missed most of the scene. All I could see was this dad who would spend forever popping buttons and moving his shirt around for the perfect display of his beautiful clavicles and giant Jesus cross neck. Yes.

Yes. Boy, was he proud of that one? Not since fucking Mike Lindell's first commercialist, somebody gone to this much trouble to make sure their cross necklace was visible. Yeah. To nestle the last resting place of our Lord in a field of chest hair. And then she's like, well, that's okay. Because Jackson said I could live with him. And he's like, well, that's creepy as fuck because you're a 19 and he's 65.

And she's like, no, no, no, no, there'll be multiple teenage girls in the half of the five. And he's like, oh, yes, no, no, there will be multiple teenage girls in the house. Yes, his granddaughters gonna move in. Why the fuck with that matter? If you add them up, age wise, it becomes cool. No, it's a buddy system that you can't get molested if there's two. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah.

So the father and the daughter are just like, all right, well, Gramps is clearly hiding something here. And that's now the plot of the movie. And to be clear, the antagonist of this movie plot is this like Tuesday, tennis, strumpet. Yes, exactly. Disroying his Christianity. Yes, by playing tennis on Tuesday.

It's luring him away from God. And being the first love he's had since his wife died a decade ago or whatever it was. Yes, I was gonna say the enemy of this movie being the first love he's had since his wife died a decade ago or whatever it was. Yes. I was going to say the enemy of this movie is consensual sex and 65 year olds enjoying a Bermid lemonade. And some pickleball. Yeah.

Satan gets you with that pickleball. You got to watch out. So then we get we get Gramps telling that seductress that he's kicked Madison out so they can spend more time together. and she's like, oh good You so now you could just sleep over at my house and he goes, well, I can't leave my car parked outside your house overnight I have a reputation to uphold Maybe I could take my bike and sneak in the window and Fucking weird

So yeah, and then he's like, you know, and now I need alcohol to deal with all this sin. I've been sinning, right? Oh boy, make it a double alcohol. Give me one of those Apple T-nees. I love so much. I am sitting. So okay. So then we cut the Jackson and Gramps playing chess and more. Now mercifully everything we see is from like the shoulders up on this scene. We hear a

move in the pieces and we're like, that was probably stupid, but we don't know. Okay, Deb, we not right away, but they show us a little bit. And apparently fucking black went first in this game. First of all, so blacks ahead by a move. Or actually, okay, maybe he did an E4 start as white. Gramps did, which is actually a very reasonable move. So maybe, yeah, maybe E4 was so fucking good that Jackson as black got to go twice in a row because it was like, all right, that's a real hope. You have to let me move twice now to make a fair or maybe he went E three and then E four, right? We don't. Okay.

That's not out of the question. We know one of his go to openings is a very passive but eventual, you know, E three then E four. Also, I want to point out that to this point, we've watched them play chess three times. We've seen them play chess three times. We've never seen anyone move anything but a pawn or a knight. They don't know how the other pieces move. Definitely not. Right. Those are the only ones they can remember. You know at the start of the game, they grabbed some other piece and whoever the director was like, nope, they would need to be subpoenaer in a night. And right.

And that's all they heard that. And that's then then after that, the guy who knew chess left her, whatever, yeah, probably took his own life. Honestly, yeah, no, that makes sense. Jumped out of a four story window or something like that. So and then he goes like, you know, he's like, well, so, you know, now that she's living with you, I guess I should ask how is Madison and Jackson's like, supple, I mean, fine, fine. She's doing fine. She hasn't found any of the cameras yet.

Jackson tells us that he's like, he's again, because there's this boring subplot of the like, where are stars? His means versus salvation thing. He's explaining, well, I've been trying to find a church that believes exactly what I do, but won't blame me for believing different things. And I wrote my notes, that's a weird challenge. No, I don't hear it. And he's like, you know, I can't help it. Notice that you haven't been a church in a while. And he's like, actually, if you think about it, we're a completely juxtaposed from the

movie's opening scene. That's great filmmaking, really. And basically, he says, like, look, man, he says, and I quote, are you going through a spiritual crisis? To which Gramps basically just jumps up flips the table and challenges him to a fight, right? I wrote my notes, motherfucker, how dare you? Yeah, that's a hip of violation. Ask him.

Also, I'm pretty sure you went twice in a row. I don't know. We're only like three of us. We're like, that's black. That's black. So, king me. So, now Jackson is hanging out with Madison, witnessing. He's carrying the pink polka dot repent sign at this point.

And she's like, so how is your research on demonic Ouija boards going? Yeah, yeah, and it turns out that that's actually super relevant Ouija boards. It basically is like, look, we can blah, blah, blah, all day about Jesus, but we need to know the devil's next move. Yes.

Yeah. Also during this conversation, my favorite part is that like they're talking on this stupid strip mall sidewalk every once in a while somebody walks by like into the frame and both of them, they're kind of like lazily holding the sign and both of them have to like stop talking and be like, shot, shot, shot. Jesus repent. Oh, no. No, no.

They could not be more lazy about holding up these signs. At one point, he's got it kind of behind his back as he's adjusting his pants, just leaves it there. Yeah. They don't have the attention span to talk and also hold up a silent regular. If you gave him gum, they'd die. They choke. He's also, he's got some thoughts on church.

People sit too far apart. Well, that's not a problem he has, right? So Jackson is, he's trying to single-handedly fix that problem just with his proximity to Mattis. Right. Yeah. And that people need to participate more in church. And can I just say absolutely 100%.

Definitely just bite up while you're better. Okay. So at one point he says, Jesus is an app we need to download. And I wrote my notes topical. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And nowhere in that conversation is the point like, yes, we should do them because we are moral actors. That never comes up. No, never. Never a person. No, no one ever just mentions, well, like, yeah, you should just do that because it's the

right thing to do. Look, no one wants to touch a poor person. I want to know if I'm getting into heaven or not. Okay, I want to do, I want to do the literal bare minimum. So, and just then Shane's drunk girlfriend from earlier, methadone girl, she shows up. And she's like, you all need to match your own damn binis. And I'm like, yes, fuck off my strip mall sidewalk. I'll fucking kill you. She's the best. I have more. I had another

bunch of drinks and I have more theological arguments that like to have with you. She comes in too hot though, which was great. So she's screaming and then she's like, sorry. Okay, I could not keep that energy going. That'd be impossible. Regular arguments said, we'll argue like this and then we'll ramp it. She says, you guys have gotten your hooks in shame. Now he's telling me I need to burn my hair upon her movies and get right with God. I love that at one point in this conversation, she's like, well, why would God send us to hell if he loves us? And the metaphor Jackson goes for as like, it's like a disobedient

child, but the conversation goes like this, do you have a kid? I hit my kid in case you were a hangman. I do hit him. I hit my kid. It really is though, because he's like, she's like, well, if God loved us, why would he set us to hell? And he's like, well, all right, so like, let's use an analogy. What if your kid was disobedient? She's like, I'd beat the shit out of him, right? And I'm like, as bad as that is, it's not I would torture him eternally in a dimension that I created just so that I could explore new levels of pain, right?

Yeah. Also hitting your kids is suggested by all the people who like the Bible. Yep, that's in the book. Sure is. And the Bible itself, yeah. No matter what part of that you're in. Yep.

And so, but he's like, but you know, you would, if your kid got bad enough, you'd kick him out of your house, wouldn't you? And she's like, yes. And I'm like, that's not a thing good parents do though. I mean, this is not, okay. You know how when you're torturing your child for disobeying your crazy rules,

God's kind of like that. And she's like, what an excellent metaphor. That's what you metaphor. Exactly. This is also, I was bored because I hated this part. This is also where I realized that we could probably, if we worked hard and we set our hearts to it, we could get Gramps and Ray Comfort to do a debate. And I would pay any amount of money to watch Gr's debate rate comfort. Just a bunch of, oh, give it a give it a, give it a, oh, yeah. So yeah, and she's like, well, it is my past to say the opposite of what you're saying.

And I wrote because God isn't real. And anyone can say the Bible means anything. But what Madison says is, and I quote again, we're not here to tickle your ears and make you feel better. Is that a fucking saying? No, it's not. It's here to tickle your ears and make you feel good or whatever the fuck she said. It's like when Australians say I'm not here to fuck spiders, right?

Like, are you some, okay, who is here to fuck spiders though? Is the question now again? I have some many vids links for you. He'll send them to you. I did enjoy how Melissa Carone drunk girlfriend, she's hearing all this fucking Bible stuff. Most of my notes for this entire scene were just like Bible stuff, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, and she's clearly reacting the same way. And she's swaying back and forth, grabbing her stomach. She needs to shit. I'm pretty sure this actor. Oh, interesting. She's shit. And they would not let her. All right. I thought she was bad at drunk, but I

think you might be right. Yeah. It can be both possible. So. So. And then she leaves and Madison turns to Jackson as and she's like, yeah, you know what else? Obama does nothing to protect Christians abroad. What? What the hell? And this movie, I almost went with best worst right before cut, like randomness. Yes. Seriously.

That's how this scene ends. This is just like, oh, we're about to close it. Brock, who's saying, oh, no. Where is the long-firm birth certificate? Why did you explain his name? It doesn't matter. We already cut in a go see him. Put your name with the top of his face.

Okay. So okay. So that we get a quick scene of Jackson fishing. And this this scene is so stupid and perfunctory. He's out fishing and that guy who saw Gramps with Bell shows up. And he says, I saw Gramps with Bell. By. Yeah. And that's the scene. But they accidentally had the guy shit on Donald James Parker a little bit, because he's like, yeah, I saw some with a younger woman like way younger like way.

Sane way. The difference in physical appearances and age between these he looks like moldy gum like you dropped gum and then it rolled under the fridge and then it grew mold. That's his face. They were fucking apparently. I don't know end of scene. Yep. Yep. Yeah. So then we we check on Gramps and Jazebel and she's like, well, I don't know what she's like because the cameraman was clearly having a fucking stroke and no one would ask him if he needed help and I was worried about him the whole fucking time couldn't pay attention I wrote my notes the caromans being attacked by bees But yeah, she's like, you know, I still won't marry you

But if you would like to live in sin, I would live in sin with you But he's ashamed to do something like that, right? He couldn't do that. Yeah. So she's like, choose between me and your family. I suck your dick and he's like, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

He's like, my family would never understand though. I can't do it. She was like, let me be a little more clear. I have sex with your penis and your you. Do you understand the transaction here? He does not. So yeah. So then we're at his house sometime later.

And Jackson shows up to talk to him about this Jezebel that's, you know, luring him away from church. Let me smell your dick. Hahaha. Yeah, Jackson's mad about like the sin of him having love and maybe sex like 10 years after his wife died. That's like the conflict of this conversation, right? Right.

Yeah. He is supposed to be ashamed that, you know, he has found love and joy and companionship. That's it. That's the whole conflict. That's what the movie is about at this point is that he is insufficiently shane. Saying when they have to be honest about their conflicts. Yeah. And he's got this great moment where he's like,

if you prayed about what you're doing and he's like, you stay out of my prayer life. And Jackson's like, you're my best friend. I'm allowed to ask about your prayer life and I wrote my notes here. Like, guys, you have to tell me about your prayer life and keep it up. He?

He? How's your prayer life? No, that's what I call. Okay. There you go. And then right before the CNN's Jackson goes, I'm going to do battle for your soul on my knees. And I know he means praying, but I'm really wanting him to be challenging Jezebel to

a dick. I'm going to go better. If this is what it takes to get you back. Who do you think would win between the two of them? If you're being honest? Definitely. Definitely him. If this is what it takes to get you back, who do you think would win between the two of them? If you're being honest, definitely him.

Yeah. Jackson, right? Yeah. Obviously. So, and then just before like that, we thought would be the end of the scene. And any other movie that would be the end of the scene. But instead we end it by him saying, oh, by the way, I'm also going to sell my mansions in Seattle and Florida and donate the money to this specific Christian ministry that works in India to try to get people to stop being Hindu.

I'm going to sell two houses and make India Christian. Yes. So okay. So I love this next scene. So God damn much right? Because this is where we see Grams. He's out on the boat. He gets a phone call from that Jezebel, right?

And she doesn't want to play tennis with him or hang out with him today. She says, she says in fact that she's sick and it's contagious and then he can't come over. Now, the timing is really because to try to do the phone, the screen phone conversation, but they just had to film in at different times obviously and they didn't think to like film one

and then let the person listen to the audio like you normally would. So they just try to film in at different times obviously. And they didn't think to like film one and then let the person listen to the audio like you normally would. So they just try to like sort of guess at how long everything's gonna take and they're not right. They're not good. No, it's a weird psychic conversation. It's like trying to have a meeting on Zoom, right?

But yeah, exactly. Yeah, where one person's got really shitty internet and they're like, oh, you got, tell you what, if I get if I know you on three, two, four, go. We'll do the Thibinachi. So basically our jobs, most of our jobs. Yeah, really, honestly.

So yeah, so, so she's like, don't come over whatever you do and he hangs up and he says to us, he's like, you know, I don't care if she's sick and asked me not to come by. I'm gonna surprise her. Yeah, don't, don't ever do this. Yeah, never do this. No shit, what somebody says specifically, don't come to my house and you come to their house? Yeah, just don't ever do anything that's not invited.

I've shown up to Heath's house uninvited several times and it's super funny every time. Yeah, no, that's true. Yeah, except Heath will give you a address at the end of the show. It's in the show notes, check the show notes. Yeah. It's tragic and funny. So, but yeah, so he shows up with flowers. And of course, this is the scene we have to catch

her cheating on him. And the way they've done this is that he walks into the house and he hears her in the other room. But the audience, like, like he hears her being played on a phonograph in the other room. The audio is so weird and muffled. Yeah, front door. He walks in immediately. We hear her doing sex talk with some other guy over a subway PA blasted into the house. Weirdly. Yes, pipe throughout the home. Yeah. And also a part of her sex talk with this guy is like, apparently they're having sex and he was like, tell me about any scams you're running on older men right now, sexually. And she's like, I will tell you about this, this guy. And she explains that she's just fucking Donald James Parker to get

his money for a big investment idea that she has. This is also also part of the sex talk they're having for her quote, investment idea. They didn't want to get any more specific than that. Yes. Oh,. Sounds like a good time. She needed money for a big investment. She was like, I'm going to target an old man in rural Tennessee on a bicycle who talks his shirt into his bike shorts. Yeah. That'll be my guy. This guy looks like he has money and a work here. Well, and also, well, he's, she's like, you know, I want to get his money from my investment idea, but I also want to draw him away from God and interrupt his relationship with Christ, our Lord and savior, right?

She says, like, I just wanted to soil his goody two shoes or whatever, some dumb, fucking line that he'd write. So he walks off, she hears the footsteps. So she runs out of the room, you know, not knowing yet that she's been caught red vaginaed, but he's like, no, I heard you. And now we're breaking up. Right. And she's like, I'm going to tell everybody that we had consensual sex and you drank bourbon lemonade and he's like, I'm ruined.

Roe. Yes. Yes. He goes, goodbye, Jezebel. And I'm like, oh, boom, just you just knocked over the single pin that was sitting immediately beyond the foul line there. Well, he was written around that line. I'm going to be done there. The character might as well be like, hey, I am going to

storm out. It's like, just say your name is Bell. You say, you say, you say, my name is bell. Just say my name is bell. More like, will you say more like, just, uh, all right. No, you say you're not gonna do it. Okay. All right. Well, just a little fucked. So really good pun. He's like me. You are just like. So he storms off. He goes home. He tries to drown his sorrows in a bottle of wine. Right. Okay, we get to watch him for a second, try to un-cork his bottle of wine just with his hand. Yep. And he's like that one. Yes. And if to cut, how does this all go? How the fuck does this work? Is this child proof?

He just puts his hand next to the top and he's like, that's not going anywhere. It's over now. And then do it again. The same thing happens with a bottle of wine in another minute or so. It does. And they have to cut again. Right. But just then Madison's Christian spidey senses go off, right?

She's like, Oh, hey Jackson, I'm having all these terrible thoughts now about about my grandpa. We should check on him. It feels like we're in the final scene or two of the movie. And he goes, Oh, shit, I should go over there, right? And she's like, yeah, I'll also go over there, but I'll be several minutes delayed so that you guys will have time for like, you know, a best friend dialogue or something. He's like, oh, that's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. So we cut back over to Gramps' house. He's looking at old pictures of his wife drinking from the wine bottle that he had

someone else open for him. Okay. I thought for sure he was looking at a picture of his wife because we see him like pull a framed thing off the wall and we see it from the side just to frame. I was like, okay, he's putting it on. It wasn't his wife. The couch next door, but it was this way it was like live laugh love. Jesus motivational post. And he was staring at that lovingly. It was so sad.

Oh, Michael's craft. So I've betrayed the promise I made when I purchased. Right. Then he goes back to drinking again. Well, now we should point out that he doesn't drink. Right. He like holds it to his mouth and goes, go, go, go, go. Right. Like you can tell his throat doesn't move. His mouth doesn't open. But yes, he drinks some more. Yeah. And by the way, it was actually a screw top. We see it for a second. We threw it down the floor angrily.

It was a screw top and it was not wine. It was Canadian club. So I was even more angry. I was a shitty Canadian whiskey. But now he's decided that his, his great shame from all the fucking taking it in the ass and drinking of the lemonade bourbon has, has just ruined his reputation to the point that it, of no return. So he decides he's going to take his own life. So we see him with the comically oversized, it's a civil war musket.

There's a bazooka pushed against his neck out of nowhere. He's trying to get his neck under the bazooka. He just can't do it. It's it's genuinely, I don't, I didn't think it'd be possible to make a funny physical slapstick attempted suicide scene, but he pulled it off. No, he'd be absolutely, absolutely. I was just like, man, fuck you for making it so easy to make fun of this suicide scene. Terrifying. He tries to shoot himself with his super long silly civil war gun. And then he's like, oh, no, I don't have any bullets. So he watched him rummage for bullets yes yes slowly the junk drawer do I put these in the back of the junk

drawer do I keep messing batteries and oh sorry we're not talking about the best part yeah while this suicide is going on there is a don't kill yourself cell phone ring in the background yeah there's a there's a song playing that's like, don't throw it all the way. Jesus is gonna help you. Plus, that's a civil war musket and it probably wouldn't kill you. I'm trying to smoosh these bullets into the side of this metal area. We brought a load of them into the butt of the gun. Get out of here. He's just dropping bullets like an infomercial. They're flying everywhere. It's the stupidest silly thing.

And the music says, and I quote, Jesus will give you life. He's there in the midst of strife. Oh, it's the best. I did send this. I found this song and sent it to Anna for a future cut off. Good. I'm really happy because that one and the opening song, the rescue Rangers War, Fryum, when I wanted to kind of want to do both of those with her. So, but he passes out. Now, keep in mind at any point here, we could just have Jackson show up, right?

But he's such a bad filmmaker that he actually has his character pass out. And then we get Jackson's showing up and him waking up going, oh, I better shoot myself quick now. Oh, no, gosh, I slipped so long and now the turtle is here. Yeah. And yeah, and Jackson's like, wait a minute. Are you drunk? How could you?

And this is again, this is a fucking quote. How could you possibly get involved with alcohol? Are you consuming the devil's juice? Apparently he is. Yeah. So he tells Jackson all about evil bell, right? And Jackson's like, all right. So let's take a step back, man. And ask ourselves, who's really causing the pain? And I wrote my, and my notes, the answer is supposed to be Satan, isn't it? And then Donald J. Fergert says, yeah, it's me causing the pain, isn't it? And Jackson's like, nope, nope, Noah was correct.

It is Satan. It's a go demon angel that fell from heaven. This whole talk from Donald J. As Parker. So question, when people hit rock bottom, get drunk, they probably would yell, uh, McBeth quotes, actually, long, long, because he does, right? Eli, do I have this right? He's like, my three week girlfriend cheated

on me tomorrow and tomorrow. A tale told by an idiot full of sound and theory. He actually says that. Yeah, and it goes on for so fucking long with us. Like, no, we get it, man. That's the one Shakespeare quote that you know, I get it. But Jackson's like, now come on, man, Jesus can forgive you. There's only one unforgivable sin and you haven't done that yet.

And I'm like, it's not one of the ones where the victim is it. And I liked it up. It's not also what a weird thing a victim. Is it? And I liked it up. It's not. Also, what a weird thing. Like they never go back to it. By the way, it's the one with the magic catch phrase. In case anyone's not familiar, there's magic words you can't say. And if you say those words, then even Jesus won't forgive you.

In case you were ever going to take Christianity seriously in any way to inform, but to caveat that, right? Instead of just being like, Christ, give for a give everything. He's like, with the exception of the one magic sentence, we all know here. Yes, it's a paragraph, see of paragraph. You're not allowed to think the magic words, but if just in case you do. Yeah. Well, and so, and again, like this is this movie not realizing what a bad argument

it's making, right? Because there's a point here where he's basically saying, look, everyone will judge me and no one will ever respect me again because I had consensual sex with a woman who is attracted to me for three weeks as a little flanger, whatever. And I'm like, wow, man, I'd rather shoot myself in the head than deal with my judgey ass Christian social group is not an argument about why your religion is good. Right. Right. Exactly.

I was just picturing us as his neighbors. He comes over. I have something to confess to you. Go away. We don't care. You're the weird guy who bikes a lot, right? Jackson's like those bullets. You missed a few.

And Jackson's like, I have a confession to make and I'm like like, it's the Eugurg Dr. Madison's Facebook pictures, isn't it? But it wasn't that. But his confession is that he was super, super sad before he was a Christian, and now he isn't anymore. Right? He's like, now I lie to myself about the existence of death, and I don't have as much anxiety.

Oh, that was the confession? Yes. Yeah. I was so confused. I was. Oh, that was the confession. Yes. Yeah. I was so confused. I was like, he didn't confess anything. He just talked more about sad Bible bullshit stuff. Yeah. No, he really just made the next point he was going to make.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What's, you know, tonally, thematically, what's the right soundtrack to put here? He's very sad. Almost suicide. I was thinking music box. Sure. the right soundtrack to put here. He's almost suicide. Uh, I was thinking music box sure.

Yeah. Yeah. He just wind up monkey running. Yes. Sure. That would have been a little more serious and somber than what they went with. Yeah. And we're just about to cut away from this scene.

So something insane has to happen, right? They're like, let's fight say together. Okay. Let's fight. And then he goes, you know, we fought Vietnam to keep communism out of America, but now we're becoming communist anyway. Yeah. End of scene. Yeah, I heard my notes. Stay on task, Donald. Stay on task, buddy, who's saying Obama. Yeah, exactly. So we get one final scene because Madison has to show up now with Shane, just as he's deciding that he's not going to kill himself and be Christian again, right? And he goes, no, maybe I will check out red pew church and learn about satanic Ouija

boards. And they all lived happily ever after. Freeze frame. And then they actually freeze. They do. Freeze frame. They do. They do. And they do it with. He's got his arm around Madison, like the way too far around and close to the boob,

like way more than it should be. Yeah. Yeah. That. So yeah, Donald James Parker, right? Yeah. And he's like, Hey, Jackson, I'm going to be a real Christian. Now I need you to find me some widows and orphans so that I can support them or whatever.

He's like, I just go down to your guy for widows and orphans, grab a few. I'm on that. Not too many, it's my first time. I'm on good deeds now, yeah. I work good ones. Works and stuff, yeah. So everything is apparently resolved.

So I guess that's gonna do it for our review of best friends eternally, but it's not going to do it for the episode yet, because we still need to lure ourselves back into this trap. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Outside of no portion clinic in 1978, Madeline Ryan is 19 years old, tender, ride, confused, and about 12 weeks pregnant. Her boyfriend, Eric 23, is a career-minded student on his way to graduate school. Madeline is hesitant, but Eric is determined to get this done today. Both are about to find out that life changes everything. We'll be watching the incredibly clunkly titled and biode, life changes everything. Colin discovers Zach Ryan. What?

Yeah. I hope it's as good as the description. That's all that I can ask. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up episode 397 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you like to gather yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to Patreon.com slash God off on there by your own or access to an ad free version of every episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating a theostatician day to D&D minus in the scapricot available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, a sit and message, just you can email god awful movies gmail.com Tim, our episode takes care of our social media, our theme song was written in the form of a rice latte, the people drafts on Mars, all the other music was written in the form of our audio engineer Martin Clark and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a check here life this week for Heathen, right? Neil Iboznik, I'm an O'Losian, it's promised to work hard in another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. A whole bunch of widows and orphans went on to say, no thank you, no thank you, please. It was really awkward.

Madison went on to learn things from teachers and stopped being an idiot. These characters star in two more, even less hinged Donald James Parker's book. Fuck yeah, it's a true. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2023, all rights reserved. Copyright 2023, all rights reserved.