God Awful Movies - 399: Night of the Lepus

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

This week, we broaden the definition of what counts as an "Easter Movie." --- This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/awful and get on your way to being your best self. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

So yeah, so that we watch a lot of bunny murder and then they stare triumphantly out over a pile of bunny corpses. Again, it had to say that in the script. The screenwriter must have written the words and then they stare triumphantly out over a pile of bunny corpses. I'm guessing he wrote it, you know, all work in no play makes Jack a dull boy style over in the margins of the script. Jack rabbit a dull boy. Nice. Not awful. Movie. OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE I can't do our old rabbits. I can't wait. It's such a good the best Easter selection and sitting 900 miles to my Northeast is my bad friend Eli

Bostak Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? That's right. No, this movie is about Easter. And that's why I chose it. Cal, it's so tell us he what will be breaking down today. We watched night of the Lepus. It's the story of the most adorable zombie horn of all time. It's a horror movie about Flemish Giants, which are real. They're like these huge awesome rabbits.

It might be the cutest animal there is, and it's the bad guy in their horror movie. Mm hmm. So fucking dumb. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the earnestly awful creature features of the 60s and 70s, but you couldn't get the rights to the care bears for your villains. You will love this movie. It's a walk into the widow face of death, the movie.

Yeah. No. And so the key word to what you just said, of course, is earnestly. Mm-hmm. Right. Like if a modern movie came out about giant killer rabbits, you would rightly expect it to be tongue-in-cheeked throughout. Not this fucking movie.

This movie was taking itself as seriously as the fucking Godfather from start to finish. One hundred, not a smile cracked on set. And by the way, when we're talking about killer rabbits, we'll get to it, but you're probably already picturing like, I don't know, some kind of mutated scared. No, we are talking about rabbits. Just rap. But they're a little bit bigger. But it's just the same rabbit. Yeah. Yep, but they're not. That's the best part is they're not. And they just built dolls house. I will. Yeah, we'll get to it. We'll get there. And we'll stay there for a very long time because that's 85% of the film. So is there anything you want to

nominate this one for being the best to be in the worst at best worst checkers. Yes. Thank you. We did it. It was chess with Donald James bar. This they show it's so short. They show this tiny little second second or two of checkers. And I was so fucking mad. First get it right or don't show checkers. There you go. It's two seconds. Just don't show it. So I was going to go with the best worst corpse. Oh, yes. So throughout this movie, we will see the aftermath of the giant killer rabbits and show the first time we see it, the first time we see the full on body of someone who's

been attacked by rabbits to death. It's the best bot. It's certainly the best one we've seen since Estus Perkel, right? Yeah. Oh, no question. It's like someone bought a mannequin on Wish along with some tomato sauce. We'll get to it. Yep.

Yep. And I'm going to go with best worst big finale. Okay. Right. Because this movie has a finale, I would say, halfway through, and then the actors, nay, the characters sort of sit around and think to each other, well, what's the movie about now?

So they just sort of go like, you know what the rabbits are still, I will do that again. Yeah, so we're doing another, we'll do another, we'll do that again. I will do it again. I'll do that again. Two for one special. All right, well, I'll tell you what, at the risk of giving the tortoise a head start,

we're gonna take a quick break. Well, back in a flash with all the boopable snoots that are night of the lepus. All right, guys, welcome to the first ever writers' meeting for night of the lepus. Right. Sorry, question just before we get started. Frank, go ahead. Leppus means rabbit, right?

Is this movie about killer rabbits? I know, terrifying, right? No, I'm not terrifying. Literal opposite of terrifying. Yeah, opposite. Wait, you guys aren't freaked out by rabbits? The universally beloved creature? No, no, we are not freaked out by them.

Nope. Well, no, yeah, me neither. You guys didn't let me finish. The rabbits in this are like, these are huge rabbits. Oh, so it's like a Godzilla rabbit or something like that? Yeah, I guess that would be. Well, no, not that big. I was like a, like a large dog size. A rabbit the size of a dog would be awesome. I would literally wish for that if I had a genie that sounds amazing. But these ones are

super vicious and they bite you with their big scary teeth. Even though your cousin says they're really nice and when you tell your aunt your cousin, wrap it, you should cause you a liar until your mom you have to go home early and everybody's mad at you and they won't believe you. I mean, kill people, they kill people at night. Sounds, sounds scary, man. Yeah, it's super scary. You know, if you ever wanted to talk about anything,

I'm fine, Frank. I'm fine. Are you? And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on the MGM lion looking embarrassed to be there, right? They should put the growl through one of those voice changers or something. It literally looks like he's looking around to say, are those rabbits? Are there actual rabbits in this movie? Do you guys want me to be the monster?

I feel like that's a really good idea. It's gonna be a way better. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea.

It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. It's gonna be a good idea. but rabbits are like are very problematic, like in Australia, for example. Yeah. And he ends the thing by saying, do we have a right to destroy these monsters because

they show them like all over Australia being a problem? And then we watch rabbits just adorably running around right after he's like destroying these monsters. These monsters. Right. He has a remarkably timid and chanter vibe throughout the whole thing. Yeah. He says, science is doing its best.

And I wrote, but till then beating them with sticks is all we can do. Ah, 70s. No middle, when was the middle ground invented? No, it was in 1981. Yeah. And then we got rid of it in 1982. It's fine. Yeah, right. Yeah we got rid of it in 1982. It's fine. Yeah, right.

Yeah. I didn't let it last long. I love to that there's just a chiro that comes up that says rabbit war and I had to write my notes, not the only animal Australia was going to lose a war to. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. If this producer does night of the emus, I will watch it.

Yeah. Yeah. And it'll actually be scary. Those things are fucking weird looking. Right. No, they are kind of terrifying. Yeah. So yeah, but he's like, but you know, Australia had their problem, but now there's a new

plague of rabbits in the Southwest. And it's difficult to think of something so cuddly as dangerous, which makes this really the stupidest possible plot for a movie ultimately, but I don't want to do the movie. Yeah. And he's like, yeah. possible plot for a movie ultimately, but I don't want to do the movie. And he's like, yeah, also a big problem in the American Southwest where life is in color. And then we, yes, Australia didn't have color until 1977. Yeah, you got to just before we got middle ground. Yeah. Yeah. They actually shows between middle ground and color and then we get the credits. Oh, sorry. The image that the freeze frame that we get, the credits over, it looks like gangs to

rap rabbits dropping their newest album, right? Yep. Over very not threatening looking rabbits. They try so hard. What can only be described as bun buns. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The credits go on tries so on. What can only be described as bun bunts? Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the credits go on for so long. So, okay. So eventually the credits end because these are 70s credits right. They have everything up front. Mm-hmm. And then again at the end. So we cut to this

cowboy dude. This is Cole. He's on a horse in his ranch in the middle of Arizona somewhere. Yeah. I wrote in my notes, Oh, please be about to have a shootout with a rabbit. Please be about to shoot out with a rabbit. It's close. Yeah, it's close. No, the fucking rabbits take out his horse. This horse steps into rabbit hole and breaks its leg. Okay, I didn't, I didn't catch the rabbit hole.

I thought the movie was like this horse scutts side tackled by a rabbit. We're not going to. But an evil rabbit just smashed this horse, like, mean Joe Green. Yeah. Just, there's an Ikeeto-knowing rabbit that did a real number on this horse. Yeah, right.

And we have to point out that like, this is a horse trick, right, where they like fall over and lie down, except they somehow managed to get a bad horse actor who can't stop grinning at the camera, like, huh, I'm doing it. Oh, dude, I'm like, I nailed it, right? It's like I'm lying down. Huh? Yeah. Okay, I thought this, this was the best actor in the movie. Honestly. Well, no, that is also true. Not not say.

Those are the true. Yeah. But okay. So there's like a whole bunch of rabbits everywhere. Maybe the horse didn't get side tackled by one, but we're seeing the invitation, right? Yes. I'm not scared by this. I mean, like, don't show monsters, not being monsters. I feel like I personally could beat up several thousand rabbits at once. Like no problem. Interesting. Interesting. All right. So we're going to have to make that happen. That's the new horse size. How many rabbits do you think you could beat up, Eli? Three. Three rabbit?

Yeah, no, I feel like I would take the, I would take the under on three, like for Eli. Yeah. I would also take the under on several thousand for you, Heath. I'm sorry to say. I don't, I don't mean to doubt your rabbit killing skills or anything. Cut to you. All right, well, now we're doing this for sure. I will, several, several means at least what, three thousand. So I could beat up three thousand rabbits. All right.

We'll get three thousand rabbits. You practice your nunchucks. I don't need none. No, he doesn't get nunchucks that we there was nothing in this about nunchucks. There's nothing that says I can't have them either. So we're eight seconds into the, you're just going to spray up on just cyanide in the room. I'll corner trap them all that. So anyway, so the farmer gets out of his gun to shoot his to mercy kill us. Or we are eight seconds after the credits. We're already mercy killing horses.

Yeah, right. Heath's beating up rabbits in the show. I guess I can't really, I don't want to cast stones here. Yeah. I really wanted it to cut to the rabbit and he's just like nice, got him. So, so the rancher, Cole walks back to his ranch, his son says, where's Ranger, dad, and he says, shot him. That's the 70s.

We don't shoot, shit like that. He's like heard a little, so I murdered him. Like you do. But he calls the college, he calls the local college to get their very best fucking rabbitologist or whatever. I like to file a title nine complaining against those rabbits for making the murder by horse instantly. I touched his foot for like a solid two and a half seconds. So I really had no choice here.

So yeah, so we cut over to the college where he's meeting with the rabbitologist in charge. And there's a great moment where he's like, oh, well, you know, I can get Dave Smith for you. And he's like, what? That maverick rabbitologist held. Why? Why is that line in the mood?

It is the most ponderous line of the entire film in a film that shows to make rabbits their monster. I spent a lot of time being like, why does the script have a false start about which rabbitologist they're going to use? Okay, the guy who made this movie has a blood feud with a lepidologist in real life. Like, yeah. Right? And this was it.

Yeah. Oh, that might be it. Yeah, he's, but apparently that guy has ideas that are too controversial for mainstream culture. So he's like, no, no, not him. We have to go with so many different. He's like, well, you know, I do know a couple that works on insects and call. Rightly is like, what the fuck?

I'm going to need you to focus in, man. We're talking about wrap it. No, no, no, it's the 70s. We're just killing stuff at this point. Okay. I know, we don't know the difference between the Ammonals until 1995, my friend. Don't worry about it.

It's fun and weird. So okay, so then we cut to this couple that's gonna help them. They're trapping bats. The wife, Jerry, is Jamie Lee Curtis' mom. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, really? Yeah. Okay, I didn't catch the name.

I didn't think that she got named in this movie as far as I could. It was just like every white lady in all of 70s movies, she's there too. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. So now we meet them.

They're trapping a few bats. Now, patrons will know this is not our worst scientist traps bats seen because we didn't work. But it's the worst one on the main feed. Yeah. Also, like, what's the opposite of no animals were harmed in the making of this? Well, all the animals in the universe were harmed. He's like firing these bats out of a pitching machine into their cage. I had to check.

Honestly, and, and no, animals were harmed in the making of this. I would have been real fucking uncomfortable otherwise, but yeah, yeah, yeah, if you can believe that. I feel like spiritually, emotionally, they were harmed. Well, yeah, I mean, the MGM lion is embarrassed to have been. What are we? He's fucking with the bat.

He very clearly shakes the cage full of bats. I want to know what David Copperfield shit they pulled. They know animals were horrors and they were treating the bats better than the babies of the 70s. It's fine. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Like the bats could be smoking a cigarette and they'd be like, no harm.

Okay, any of the animals. I did not. It's a litamide to any of these bats. People though. Jesus Christ. Don't ask us how we treated the bat who was black. Okay, that's all I'm going to say. So, but now he's trying to record the sound of bat fear, but everybody keeps walking in and

fucking it up. And I'm like, yeah, man, early days of my podcast and career I get, I get, I'm with you. Okay. But at counterpoint, hey, Roy, your boss is here. So is your child. So is your wife. Wait a second. Hey, fucking record. So, well, or at least just go, Hey guys, I need nothing but bat fear for the next 15 seconds. Okay. Give me 15. Yeah. He could at least done that. Trying to get room noise. The bats are all like me just shifting in their chairs, trying to quietly clean us. Squeaking.

So yeah, but the boss shows up. This is Elgin and of course, Elgin is DeForest Kelly. This is Bowens from Star Trek. Yes. Fun IMDB trivia that came with this movie. This was DeForest Kelly's last movie that was a Star Trek movie. Yes. Yes. And, and you know what, I can see why if he straighted once off the set of Star Trek, and this

is what he ended up in, I can see why he didn't make it. Yeah. No, trust me, you don't want to make any other movies out there, Jim, they're fucking madness out there. So, yeah, so, and this is, of course, where we learned that the plan here, the reason they're getting bat fear recorded is that they're going to use the screams to steer the bats towards the mosquitoes that they want to get. This has a very old lady that swallowed the fly vibe to it right away, right?

Yeah. And can I just say I would really like us to start using this with humans, right? Like you know that moment where you're trying to move everyone from the cocktail hour into the diner, right? You just walking with a say anything speaker. Oh my God, it's on fire. It's on fire. You're describing Fox News. We do that. Oh, yeah. That's true. That's true. Damn it. I described Fox News again. That's one. It's erase the number on the board the days until number on the board. We're gonna put it zero. So, but bones comes in and he's like, Hey, man, I need you guys to help this guy

Cole that we've already introduced to the movie with with his rabbits. And of course, they're like, dude, rabbits aren't bugs. We do what the fuck are you talking about? Right? He's like, I know, I know. But if we don't take care of these rabbits now, all of the farmers and ranchers of the area will quote,um the country with cyanide Oh, that escalated quickly. Yeah

They were like what do we do with cyanide bombs? Wow, okay I'm thinking maybe kill the ranchers instead Is the solution here right yes the terrorist cyanide bomb Let's kill them. I mean the rabbits no matter how bad it's gonna get are not gonna bomb The terrorist cyanide bomb. Right. Let's kill them. I mean, the rabbits, no matter how bad it's going to get, are not going to bomb you with cyanide. It's been 25 years since the Holocaust. I have very specific questions about which ranchers had cyanide bombs. So, okay, so but they agree, right? So they drive out and they see a rabbit round up along the way. They have their daughter with them, by the way. So they're just driving her right past the mass

rabbit slaughter. Okay, the rabbit slaughter was insane. I laughed a lot because everybody's just firing giant guns in every direction. They are. Fast little rabbits are not getting hit pretty much ever. At all. At all. all, like shooting themselves in the leg constantly jumping around. Oh god. So I'm sorry, I just, I just realized you guys experienced. So they're just, they're trying to make noise to, to round the rabbit's up. The idea that though they're trying to strip the rabbit's ears.

Thank you. I, I also experienced that. He said, we're willing to give them the credit for that. That clearly is what made sense. Noah, but I don't think the movie knows. I think they lied to you. No, I think you walked up on them once, missing the rabbits and they were like, no, no, this is how it works.

Just like Joe Pesci running out of the cab and shooting the owl in every direction. That's what we're watching in mass. She'll rabbit doing gun food like Christian Slater. Yeah. So I've taken out like Christian Slater. Yeah. Taking out all the farmers in a semi-circle. So yeah, so but the scientist shows up and he's like, you know, we we drive past a lot of screaming rabbits, which is fun. But he drives up, he goes to coal and he's like, yeah, I'm gonna need to examine some of

these rabbits. And I'm like, they're just regular fucking rabbits, man. There was already measured their hoppitude or whatever. I don't think you need any. But, but he's like, you know, so what are we, what are you thinking? What can we do to get rid of the rabbits? So Roy, that's the scientist husband.

He goes, well, you know, we could use rabbit hormones or maybe we could create a novel virus that only kills rabbits. I'm like, how is that your second idea, dude? We went from cyanide bombs to we should do rabbit COVID. So fast. Hear me out. And that's gonna be the movie. We get a rabbit, a job as an airline steward.

Rabbit, COVID. Is it, it's really just a flu bugs if you think about it. That was fantastic. Flu bugs, thank you. That was fantastic, Keith. I heard it. I heard it. Cause bugs bunny, fuck. Thank you. Fantastic. I heard it.

I heard it. Good bugs, bunny. Fuck. Oh, gotcha. So meanwhile, so the scientists and Cole are going to load up some rabbits that they can take back to their rabbit lab, apparently, right? They're rab, if you will. Yes.

And Cole gets bit by a rabbit along the way. And I only bring that up because Roy, the scientist guy, he says, well, you know, the bite of the lepus can be very dangerous. I'm sorry. Are rabbit bites dangerous? No, imagine that's true. No, they're not.

According to Google, no, they're like, they're like, well, yeah, I mean, anything can get infected, but no. Like when it comes to being bit by, if you had to choose the animal to be bit by you're gonna go rap. That seems like a reward more than a penalty for something. You have to like pay for that. I've watched Keith get mulled by an otter and it's an ugly site, but I feel still.

I would not be worried about a rabbit. No, I have a theory about this line in this movie. This movie very clearly exists because whoever wrote it has a phobia of rabbits, right? And they got bit by a rabbit as a kid. Okay. Hey, man, relax. Stop saying you need to think about rabbits every time you jerk off and he was like, no, I'm making a movie. And so he put this in the movie so that the scientist he wrote could be like, yep, rabbit bites are super scary. And you should be erect from now on when you think about it. You think about your fears when you're doing that? Yeah. I mean, how do you guys get on first? Yeah, right.

Okay. You're the weird one. He'd see two to one. Sorry. I'm picturing he's jerking off and going commitment, commitment, commitment. It works. So we cut down to the rabbit lab again. And dad explains his first plan, which is to make the rabbits non-binary. Yep, I guess. Trans? Yeah, rabbits.

They're going to make trans rabbits because then they won't have sex. Yeah, trans people never have sex. So that's the plan. Perfect plan. Yes. It's the perfect crap from the generation that watches Tucker Carlson comes an understanding of. Right. Yeah, exactly. But but that's not working. Damn it. The rabbits keep the trans rabbits keep going into shock. Seems like they're just more sex positive and they're having more sex and they're just

like healthier people, emotionally sexually fuck. But statistically, it's about how nice you are to the trans rabbits. So but then but so that's not working. The trans rabbits are all falling into shock or whatever. And so Roy's like, well, you know, I did just get a new mystery serum that was mailed to me anonymously. Why don't we try that? This came in a Cadbury cream egg.

Do you want to inject this into a rabbit? This is a scientist being like, yeah, mystery needle. I'm doing it. We did. That's it. We were doing cyanide bombs. Then rabbit COVID.

I'm going mystery needle. That's the only other chance. Right. So, and as he's doing that, the little girl is like, but dad, that one's my favorite. Don't inject that one with the medicine. So as soon as the mom and dad turn her back, she swaps that bunny out with one of the control group bunnies.

This is, this is important. This is the plot. Yeah. And then the music's like, bump, bump, bump, bump. I wanted them to be like, hey, Han, Han, did you, uh, just switch a couple, sabotage our thing because the music changed.

Right. Yeah. She glares at the band rats. Got to them it. Tattletails. So and she says, but when the parents turn back around, she says, oh, and, uh, apropos of nothing. It's just while we were on the subject.

You said I could have a rabbit. Can I before you kill them? And I so that was her actual line. I so wanted dad to go like, no, I'm an after. I was gonna give you a killed one Can I before you kill them? And I so that was your actual line. I so wanted dad to go like, no, I'm an after I was going to give you a killed one. I'm not. Fire is a gun into a cage there. There you go. That's the one you can have. Technically fulfilled the promise. She's just dragging it around by the ear on the ground for the rest of the movie. So yeah, but she asked for one of the control group rabbits and then takes the one that she

just secretly swapped out. That's the mutant super rabbit. And there's just one more thing. I'm sorry, I have to talk about it. I know it's a nothing, but this is great moment where after they eject it where the other guy goes, well, I mean, you injected that rabbit. How do we know it's contagious? And the guy is like, it is.

It is. It is just for the movie. It is. It is just for the movie. It was just a mystery needle. No, but as a mystery needle, it was a contagious mystery needle. Oh, it says contagious, but also a mystery. It's right on the side. Yeah, Mr. It's like when you buy the mystery packs of squish mellows,

you can smell the bottom of the mystery pack and then you kind of have a basic idea of which squish mellow you buy that's what it is. You get it. We're scientists. We're in the mystery bags. You get it. We're scientists. We're scientists since 1970, relax. So, so Jerry and Amanda, they had it back out to Coles

to pick up some more rabbits. And this is where of course, Coles son snatches Amanda's mutant super rabbit and sets it free. Yeah. Right? He's like, you can't have this rabbit pet. Rabbits killed my chickens.

Yeah, rabbit, go away. We don't have this rabbit pet rabbits killed my chickens. Yeah rabbit go away We don't love you anymore and it runs off I'm not sure what that solves. I'm not sure why he would have done I really wanted him to get money python by that rabbit at that point though I was like oh that would have been awesome at this point and like to her credit Amanda gets over that shit right the fuck Oh, what instantly 1970s we didn't invent an attachment to pets until 1992. Oh, no, that's right.

Actually, that is correct. Someone kicked your rap, someone flung your rabid out of the car window with a trebuchet. You didn't even notice. You were too busy trying to survive without air conditioning. 70s motherfuckers. A better time. I trade air conditioning in my car for a trebuchet though. If I'm being honest, that sounds fun.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. But not for rabbits, though. Well, we, we, we check back in at the rabbit lab and we have this weird, like we never go back to this right, but we have this weird moment where Roy is like, oh, wow, the injected rabbits have doubled in size. We need to get bigger cages.

We will never revisit this even when there are giant rabbits afoot. Nope. We are giant killer rabbits later in the movie and he's not like, I should fucking go check on the lab, right? Right. He rabbits afoot. Nice. I think.

So then we cut to coal. So apparently coal is making like a fire break now to keep the rabbits from spreading. Yeah. This is confusing to me. So a fire break, you burn some of your farmland, like a big swath, right? Yeah, yeah, it's like the Spanish did it to the Cubans. I feel like rabbits could like walk through the swath

to the other side of it. You would think, right? Yeah, I think the idea is that they would just go a lot of far enough and go, well, there's no fucking food over here and then turn back. But yeah, I do, I do believe they could make it. No trust us. It's the 1970s and the only thing we know about rabbits is that they're quitters. It'll be fun. And they always do math. They'll be like, well, we've gone less than halfway. Obviously. So we turn back, right? We all every one of us

turn back. So we're rabbits. And I also love that the whole time he's doing this, they're dumping gasoline and then shit to set his stuff on fire. There's a guy in sunglasses standing behind him going, I got an airplane filled with cyanide bombs. What a fuck are we just cyanide bomb and so I bought these cyanide bombs for nothing is what you're telling me. I have the audience cyanide bombs and nothing to do with them. Right. Yes. Right.

Yes. Okay. In 1970, whatever, if you got your receipt, you're going to get your money back for the side and I had mom, I feel all the time. No, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Like seers, like whatever it is.

It was so nice. Oh, yeah. They had them at lows. They were right next to us. There was no lows, but they had them at seers. Tandals. Yeah. And so they said this thing on fire.

We see a bunch of rabbits running away. This is where I had to look it up because it really looked like they set a bunch of rabbits on fire to get this shot. They didn't though. No. Okay. So now Roy, Jerry and Cole ride out to like look at the rabbit range. Mm-hmm.

Right. And they're like, you know, check it out and see how things are going. And they come across this giant rabbit track. Yeah. And I think it's the wife who's like, is this a giant mutant rabbit paw print? They look at it and they're like, could be, I don't know. Ah, no, I don't think so.

It's probably a mountain lion with rabbit shape. With rabbit, yes. It's very clearly a rabbit. So it's not giant rabbits, that's crazy. So okay. Yes, it's very clearly her rabbit. So it's not giant rabbits, that's crazy. So okay. And then while they're doing this, apparently Amanda and Cole Jr. are out riding horses.

And Cole Jr. is like, hey, I want to introduce you to my friend, he's got a gold mine that's nearby here. And I'm pretty sure he hasn't been eaten by giant rabbits recently. So it should be a nice, pleasant experience for all of us. Yeah, you want to go meet a strange adult? Your mom said it's fine because it's the 70s. Hahaha.

You said your mom said it's nothing because she said nothing. Yeah, because it's the 70s. So they get to the goal mine and and and Billy, the guy that they're going to see, he's nowhere to be found. So Colson is like, and I don't think this kid ever gets a name. Colson is like, and I don't think this could ever get his name. Colson is like, okay, so Amanda, you go look in the dark, creepy tunnel. I'll stay out here. We're all the sunlight. He 100% me to heat some 100%. Cool. Alright, so let's allocate the labor

fairly. You go into the tunnel full of ominous squeaking and I'll stay out here where we already looked. When she goes in, I thought for sure there was going to be a giant rabbit eating Captain Billy like a carrot just like holding. Oh nice. Oh, amazing. Holds him between his teeth. I mean, there is a giant rabbit eating Billy, but yeah, not in there. Not like a carrot. They never eat into the carrots thing. That's just like, no, that's number one thing about rabbits that we all know from Bugs Bunny. It's carrots, right? And no one at any point says, what's up doc?

Right. There are doctors in the movie. He says there are bugs. There are mugs. There's no Elmer, Fud references, no doubt. No one does a sign. Rabbit season duck season. No Wagner kill the rabbit.

I was, I was looking for the other whole time. a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign.

That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign.

That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. That's a sign. jump scare and they went with shelf just falls off the bolts burst into flame and a shelf and disappear, get transferred into another dimension. Yeah. What could make a noise, shelf falling, a cyanide bomb or it's shelf falling off the wall. Yeah. Two options. Yeah. So so then we cut into the mine where Amanda is still looking for

Billy and she finds his dead body and then she looks up and she sees a giant rabbit with bloody rabbit jaws that no shit growls. And let's be clear. This is not a fake giant rabbit. What they did is they took a regular rabbit, put a little red paint on its face and then did a close up, right? And the rabbit is very clearly like, eh, they sprayed me with a thing. And yeah, well, so the big grouse as it turns out, that's the rabbit's yawning. So if you imagine how cute a regular rabbit is now imagine a rabbit yawning. That's the thing we're supposed to be scared. Well, he's so tired. He bit me day. God, it's so good. And again, they're trying to do like a menacing moment.

And they zoom in on a rabbit's tiny little mouth movements. And I just laughed even longer. Because it's just like, I wrote my notes. You know how it's impossible to make rabbits look scary? Well, you and no one involved in the making of this film. Cause again, I have to emphasize this movie as is earnest as it could possibly be. It really does want to scare you with these goddamn rabbits. So okay. So, but she's the rabbit growls at her. She screams and then we cut immediately to her

back home in shock being seen, too, by the doctor. And can I just say I misscream transitions from 1970s creature features so bad that just, oh, what could it have been, doctor? What? Tara is missing out. Yeah. And 70's doctor is like, it's just mild. Chuck from giant rabbit or whatever. She's fine. Yes. Give her a few cigarettes. Come the nerves.

You're good. She's seven. He goes, if anything, dude develops, call me. And I'm like, what if she also gets attacked by a giant tortoise? What the fuck are you talking about? So okay. So then we cut, it's that night and we cut to a semi truck driving down the road in the middle of the night. And the guy stops to check on his

giant truck full of veg to pull. Okay. It's the maybe sort of hit car here going in time. Yeah. You were watching this truck drive down the road. Did you all not want a giant rabbit to just like run out and throw it and flip it over like a superhero moment? I was so pissed when that did not happen. Yeah, right. Like the Hulk. No. Well, yeah. So he's checking on this load and he hears growling in the background. Now you might be thinking to yourself, like, well, I wonder what they're going to do to make the rabbits look big enough to attack people. It's nothing. It's literally nothing. They just show us person and then rabbit and then person. So then they zoom in on the one buck tooth of a rabbit.

Yes. Yes. Do you be clear? Is what this movie is proposing is that this rabbit knows it needs to be sneaky? Yes. Well, that's the thing. Yeah. They're surrounding him. The rabbits are using coordinated attack movements like the fucking raptors and Jurassic Bob. Very quiet. I'm hunting humans. They see that would have been a good move right now. Honestly, if he had turned, if you had gotten like a tap on the shoulder and turned

around, there was a giant rabbit there. This is my favorite move. All right, well, I'll tell you what, either this movie needs a minute to figure out how to make rabbits scarier. We need a minute to cope with the fact that they're never gonna. Either way, we need another break, but we'll be back in a minute with even more night of the lepus. I'm telling you, Steve, something's got to be done about these rabbits. They're eating me out of house and home. The only solution is cyanide. Oh, um, I don't know, cyanide's necessary. Did you try a fence? No, no. But even if I did, that wouldn't save the horses.

They've killed two of my best horses. Ah, I mean, the horse tripped, not, uh, not exactly killed other rabbits, right? Look, Steve, I know you're a softie, but you got to look at this recently. These rabbits, they keep eating and they keep breeding. And eventually they'll be infinity rabbits. The whole world will be made out of rabbits. And then what happens? That's right. Rabbit space program rabbits spreading out across the universe, like a giant hive mind plague. Our only choice is to light our land on fire and then poison that land.

Or like I was saying, you could build a fence. Ah, fence is abhoring. Okay. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action the following morning with a police car pulling up on the scene of that heinous bunny heist from the night before, right? And at first I thought, because he doesn't see the body,

and at first I'm like, oh, the rabbit's ate him bones and all, but no. No, the cop follows a trail of shredded clothes to find the best worst corpse of all time. I feel like there's the wrong number of limbs in the pile. Am I wrong? There's just the placement of the blood is so aggressively ran up. There was very clearly, okay, but don't get none on my shoes though. I like these shoes. It's kind of a moment there.

These missing, he's got one arm chopped off. There's no blood at the shoulder at the top of the arm whatsoever. But there's plenty on his calves. Yeah. This corpse is supposed to be nibbled to death. Like that's the canon of the Navy. Yes. But they went insane with their corpse. And I liked the actor playing the sheriff here who has to be like, how do I just visibly respond to a rabbit malling. This is really. Yeah. It seems like my left foot ain't got nothing on this sheriff who has to get out of his cop car and see a nibbled to death body and look solemn about it.

Well, and let's be clear here. We say nibbled to death, but the body is like, like clearly. Lee arm has been exactly cleaved off. One of the legs has been chopped like straight, because like when the other, when the backup cop shows up, he's like, well, what was that? An ax and it's like, you would think based on the condition of the fucking body. Yeah, which again is because the guy who has a phobia of rabbits was like, but no, think about it, guys.

What's a big rabbit tooth? Super scary. No, it's an ax. It's like an ax. Also, they might be holding an ax. Some rabbits, you don't know. Could they have the paws? They it's an ax. It's like an ax. Also, they might be holding an ax. Some rabbits, you don't know. Could they have the paws? They could have an ax. Well, I just, I have to point this moment out because it's great that the sheriff shows up, right? And he says to the deputies, like, what's so urgent? I'm like, I feel like you would have told him dead body before he came

all the way out, right? And then he looks at the dead body, he goes, no, no, that's fair. That is, that is urgent. That's the kind of thing you should go about, okay? It's a secret. Just come out. Why are you being weird, man? Just come out. It's the 70s. And while they're out there checking out this body,

they get a call about Billy's body, right? So the rabbits are on a fucking rampage now. Fuck yeah, they are. So, okay. So then we cut over to the fucking, some way Arizona, Pride, Wab or whatever. And the coroner opens the scene

by explaining the concept of forensics at length. He's doing a spoken word poem about what? Yes. Yeah. It's like really emotional. He's doing like a saliliqui. Yeah. Right. I feel like they know why you look at stuff in microscopes. Did you know that? I would, I would have he does this every time

they come by, they're like, we know Larry. We've heard this shit before, man. Every time someone new is in town, they're like, send him Larry so he can do his group work. The knife is the door that opens up. Yo, I like that Larry also explained to them that no, this was not an ax involved in this murder. Yes, because he's got a can from, I guess, inside that truck. And he's like, well, an ax didn't open up this. Have you guys ever seen an ax or a rabbit? What do you just say about that?

Clearly a punctured can, man. Yeah, he says it was definitely an animal attack and the cops is an animal attack. Really, he's like, well, look for yourself. And the cop looks into the microscope. Yeah, good, good. Get the cop looking at the microscope. Yes, that's helpful.

That'll help. And we see what the cop sees. And it's just cells moving around in the cop. It's to be like. Yep, animal. Is this an onion skin? That's all I know from school. So the cops says, well, what do we have vampires? And I'm like, well, there are bears in your part of the country.

And he's like, no, it was probably saber tooth tiger. All right. Are there still saber to time? Hey, man, could you list some real shit first? Yes, we can start with some things that exist. So yeah, they seem to move past bear away too fast. And then we got to I feel like they know they flubbed their first corpse and their corpse guy was like, let me give it another shot.

Let me give it another shot with a family of four. Y'all, I can do this. Give me four more chances. I'll make a realistic body. Are you just going to have 14-agers? You know, smear ketchup on their tummy. No, it is. No, also I'll do on one of their backs.

Also. I was thinking, rabbit, chainsaw attacked this time. Chainsaw. And then so then we cut to Roy and Jerry down at the rabbit lab again. This time they're talking with the guy in the wheelchair, the birth defect specialist guy. Yeah. The one who's like, look, I know all about abnormalities. I'm in a wheelchair. Yes, that's the guy. abnormalities. I'm in a wheelchair. Yes, that's the guy. Yes, so awful. He says, quote, I like to pretend they don't exist, but they do. And I wrote my notes abnormalities. Why, man? Yeah. Right. So I couldn't pay attention to anything this guy said, because he had a weird free floating apostrophe of hair in his otherwise bald fucking head and it kept just weird me that I just stared at it the whole time. A single swirl of baby hair in an island.

Like Charlie Brown when it was. Yeah. Fucking nuts. Yeah, and he's just explaining that like, yeah, no, this is just basic DNA. It's a giant rabbit because of a DNA mutation. Yeah. Question though, did anyone inject like one single rabbit with, I don't know, a mystery needle?

Cause that would describe who would have this, what's happened here for sure. I can't even imagine, he turns that, Roy turns to his wife at this point, he's like, all right, we're gonna have to go out tomorrow get the best damn rabbit assesses you know. He says, he says, tell him to bring cyanide and dine a mic. I'm like, all right, he says, to tell him to bring cyanide and dynamite. I'm like, I'll write Elmer, slow the fuck down. What are you talking about? Dynamite. Get one of those

big cartoon bombs, you know, a big round black one, you know, long thing. Jerry, get me, act me. Yeah. Yeah. And then the head of the university is like, okay, so should we tell people that they're a giant killer rabbits on the loose who have already killed the only thing we can do is investigate with no outside help. That's what we're doing. Oh, there's also this great moment where they they go to leave and the one side, this guy's like, hey, she could be bringing one of these giant killer rabbits back alive. And then Roy looks at him like, he changed the being he changed the being alive. That's for you, that's for you, sounds. It's the fucking weirdest moment in the movie

because the movie, the camera turns to him like he has a line and he's just like, yeah, doesn't say anything. No. And then the camera's like, oh, I thought you had another line. And then the fucking scene is. Yes.

And of course in the next scene, we have to be vey, vey, vey quiet, because they're hunting rabbits. So they go to the mine, right? Because that's where Billy died. That's where they found his body. And they're like, okay, look, there's no way our rabbit effects

are gonna work in broad daylight. We need to go into that creepy tunnel over there. That's probably where they are. Really wanted to shot this rabbit walking through a crowd in Rome like Hannibal picks up the phone. Hello, Mr. Talk, there. So, but this is where they come up with the plan of dining, the entrance to the mine, right? Because they're like, well, you know, rabbits, what are they going to burrow rabbits? Give me a fucking way, just blow the interest of the mind and the movie's over, right? Wouldn't that make sense? I feel like they gave dynamite to too many people in the 70s. I want. Right.

Dynight might be harder to get generally. So he said they realized, of course, that there are vertical shafts leading out of the mind as well. So they need to blow those two in case the, I don't know, in case the rabbits chimney climb. I don't know. Sure. Well, they wall jump, you know, they wall jump. Oh, right. Yeah. Left to right. They'll be really close together. And though that makes it also, they seem quite certain that all the giant rabbits live in this one, a giant rabbit cave, which is the only Yes, hospitable environment for that new species for giant rabbits. Yeah. So yes, so they send a couple of the guys up to the top of the mountain to put dynamite in the vertical shafts Well, they stay down at the base

This is where we get the guy who like drops the rock down to gauge the depth But it lands on a rabbit who growls back Yeah, what what could break the tension of your movie more than... What's that again? Fuck Ow! Fuck you man. Ow. I'm a fucking rabbit.

There's nothing less scary than rabbit noises. They don't even do the gr- It's like the- What? What? That's the sound. That's the sound. There's no way we need to die to might whatever made that noise. like the, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what before they do, Roy has to heroically enter the mind in the name of science.

Yeah. Why? He's like, yeah, don't load up yet. I'm going to grab one alive before we solve the problem that is terrifying. I'm going to just run in there and get one. Right. Brassle one. He doesn't even have rope. He's not even going to last so the damn thing.

He's just, yeah. He's like, what's the plan? I grab one and beat it out of it. Like, what are you doing? I'm pretty sure I could go in there and offer them a reasonable stipend to come work at my office. You know what rabbits love? Unpaid internships.

Oh, there you go. Yeah. I'll explain that it's great exposure. And calls like, well, I'll be damned if I'm going to let you be the only heroic one. I'm going in with you. And the wife, she's like, why the fuck would you go in? He's like, because of the mystery, I have to solve the mystery. Well, not a mystery man.

What mystery? You're just throwing rocks down and hurt them. You hurt them. Right. So, but they go in anyway, there's this moment where like, there's a bunch of bats flying through the cave and shit. And we're like, as if the movie's going like, okay, rabbits are not, but bats are scary, though, right? They're scary. They're even small.

I wanted one huge bat just sitting in a recliner and I, it's jump species. You're not going to believe what happened. I fucked his rabbit the other day. And I got bigger. I don't know what happened. So I won this air, air point, right? And the seward comes over. He's a rabbit.

He's a... AIDS. It's an AIDS reference. So, okay, so they're running through the cave up top. Everybody's ready to blow the tunnel, but they get the call that they can't do that yet, because it's barely even act two. Okay, just once in one of these movies, when someone's like, don't blow it now, there's a single guy in there doing a thing.

I want the other guy to be like, no. Yeah, right. Right. That would have been awesome. That sounds sad for your friend. Boom. There we go. Problems on.

So yeah. So, but and then of course in the tunnel, the rabbits are drawing them in just like the Russians did in Napoleon. Sure. Right. Yeah. Also, it's weird that the rabbits, the giant rabbits do, you know, adorable squeaky noises, but also roar like a giant pug demon or whatever.

Yes, right. Just the physics of vocal cords. I feel like you're not, you have to chop it. You get one or the other. Yeah. Pick a noise your giant rabbit makes. Yeah, exactly. So, but eventually they come out into this tunnel and they see the giant rabbits.

And as you can imagine, it's they nail it graphically. They like, you can really, you really feel that they're in the same room with these giant rabbits. Their might as well just be a big S.D.V. playing giant rabbit footage behind. Right? He goes to take pictures. Roy goes, nobody will ever believe this. And I'm like, yeah, that's because the effects are so bad. This is terrible. You've somehow messed up perspective.

And that's just the thing you eyes do, guys. This is the thing your normal human eyes can do. He goes, there must be thousands of them. And I I'm like relax, but there's 14 in the time We can see we can see 14 of them, okay? But I guess right when he takes the pictures that's the signal that the rabbits agreed to attack on right because they all oh We find out that they hit light later and so the flat all right No, you're right because rabbits are famously nocturn right. No, you're right. We'd them out because rabbits are famously nocturnal. No, they're not.

Well, no, if you look at the top of their only fans, they say that the photos are just, you have to subscribe. Oh, okay. Right. No, that makes sense. I'll have to save them. So yeah, so they start running from the giant rabbits and I know it's, I'm like, well, but you would, wouldn't you at least want to try to give them belly rubs though?

First, but no, they don't. They just run. I wanted them to be like in order to escape a rabbit. We've got to think like a rabbit and they're hopping away from us. So, yeah, so inside the cave, we're getting a hair raising chase, but, but else it's so fucking good. No, okay. So, so as they're running, Roy gets jumped or hopped, if you will. Uh, but I How did C still get it to your note? What happened?

I know not a lot happens in this movie. I know it was like, all right, rabbit puns. I'm going to go. I gotta go. I gotta add something. So now, but we've also established now that because they brought the shotgun with them, but they've established that Colquette used it because if he did, the mine would cave in, which presumably they would have known before they went in.

Well, he brought it because as everyone knows, rabbits are very shy of fire. Yes. He will. That's why when he walked in, that rabbit very clearly said out loud in English, whoa, that guy's going to fucking gun. Yeah. So, so meanwhile, so they're running the coal wax, one of the bunnies with a gun butt to get up and keep in mind that,

like, yes, wax a bunny with a gun butt, that's what we're looking at, right? Yeah. Every time they have to fight the bunny, we're like, oh, poor bunny. Yes. Yeah. And it's also a guy in like, not a rabbit costume.

Like, they got a gorilla costume. And they're like from the back, it kind of looks like a rabbit. Would you put the ears on it? Yeah. Just punch it. See, you can tie the gun barrels into like a bow. No. Okay. And to be clear, as this is happening, we're also watching being chased by rabbits footage, the least scary thing possible.

Well, and just in case it wasn't cute enough, they put it into slow motion as if, oh, here comes so bunny. It's, and so, okay, then we cut outside, and we're reminded that, oh yeah, rabbits can fucking dig, right? So one of the guys that's helping, one of the ranch hands, this guy named Judd,

he's in the tent when a bunny cumple like digs his way through the floor and attacks him. It rears up like a bear and goes right, press jugular. So wait, there was one fucking Steven Seagal behind enemy lines, but he rises out of the floor with a knife between his teeth. Yeah, it's a special hops. Goods, rap. No, that's good. That was good. So yeah. So, but, but Jerry hears him yell and she runs and she shoots the bunny. These bunnies are bulletproof, right? Cause over and

over again, they shoot these fucking rabbits and nothing really happens. But he does run off. She's like, it's okay, Judd. The rabbit's gone. You can chill a fuck out now, right? I thought he was going to turn into a giant rabbit or like a giant rabbit. Yeah, that would have been pretty fuck good. A lot much better than what happened in the movie. That's a bunch of rabbit human hybrid kids. Yeah, there you go. Maybe fucks that big bat too. They could have gone a lot of different directions. This could have been a trilogy. Yes. So but Colin Roy reached the exit of the mine and then they blow it up, right? They they hit the dynamite just then and there's a great

big cinematic explosion. And then there's the moment where Eli was talking about where everybody just sure stands around and goes, well, shit. Um, I'm very far into this movie. Honestly, if a single Paul had burst up through the dirt in this moment, my favorite movie, just the Peter Griffin chicken eye opens right up. So okay, so then we cut over to them, developing the footage from the pictures that he took. I just love this one moment where one of the scientists goes, how in the world is that possible? And I'm like, force perspective.

It's just the rabbits are actually in front of him in that moment. But yeah. And this is where they agree that they do have to tell the public about the giant killer rabbits. They accidentally made though, right? This is why your grandma won't get vaccinated, everybody. These are the movies she grew up on. She's like, no, no, no, no.

I know about the mystery serum that comes in those, not going to be tricking me, turning me into a giant rabbit. Yeah. Right. So he's like, oh, you know, the, once the newspapers find out about these giant killer rabbits, we're going to have a lot of reporters around annoying us. And like, yeah, though, that's the real problem with giant killer rabbits is the annoying reporters.

It's the mystery needle that you shot into a rabbit, man. All your fault. Don't do mystery needles. Look, we can all agree it was a bad idea to make both sized killer rabbits, but have we considered the threat of the international Jew? So that so he sends Jerry and a man to his wife and his kid away. He's like, Hey, look, we're obviously in a horror movie, women and kids, they just get in the way or get captured in these fucking things or some, why don't you guys leave? And I'll, you know, I'll rescue you and act three or whatever. No, like, yeah, no, that makes sense. That makes sense. Well, it's with their little couple QT line together.

I get to. Yes. Thank you. I'd work with you. And then at the same time, they go sandwiches. Kim Buktu. Oh, I said sandwiches. Is it Tim Buktu? Let's do it again. It never comes back. It never matters. No, they never say it again.

I would work with you even in Africa. Wait, what? So and then we cut back to the burl because the rabbits are like, easy to get snow we can dig, right? Like that hopping in carrots, that's pretty much our whole fucking thing. We're scary rabbit shots. It's like, if jaws was a goldfish, it's how silly. Like I mean the food, like a plushie of the food, like Dory from Finding Nemo is the horse character. Yeah. So yeah, so the rabbits are on the prowl again. We have this like the scene where the horses are all freaking out

because they can sense giant killer rabbits of what again. Okay, I feel like horses can still easily win the fight. Okay, the rabbits are a little bigger now. Horses though. You would think. I could beat up I think two horses. Okay, no, you can't beat up two horses. Two horses. Not only do I feel confident you can't beat up two horses. Come on. I would be willing to arrange that fight because I wouldn't be worried about the horses.

I'm going to get I'm going to get in close. I'm going to grapple it up. No, you sure are inside their guard, right? That's what you always do. That's true. No, that's for bears. Horses don't have a guard. That's the reason. Horses have a guard. That's true. It's all below, right?

You get on their back. You got it. Yeah. Right. Now you got to choke them out. Now you're just riding a horse. You have a lot to start. Yeah.

And that's winning. That's what I win then. I don't think that counts. So, all right. So then Cole, of course, he hears the horses freaking out, the dogs freaking out. So he has to go check it out as go see what's up. Okay. Based on movies, most of owning a ranch is walking outside angrily to be like, what is that? Yeah. Also big credits to this dog giving one of the best performances in the movie because he's like, I'm going to go see what what that is and the dog is like, fuck that man.

This is not my drama. I'm gonna have a big sign. I'll stay back here. You tell me how it was. And then so we see the rabbit stampede. And this is, I think the first time that we see a bunch of rabbits on a little town set, right? They have their own little stop signs and little tiny fences to run by and shit Yeah, they look big this first time we see them on like a hill

Uh-huh, right like it's the battle of fucking mortar This is a strike team of rabbits sneaking up on the horses They're like military crawling up to a ridge. It's yes Go under some barbed wire. Is the hair force. Nice. Nice. Really wanted a rabbit, Mel Gibson to, you know, get out there and deliver us. Yeah. All right. They'll never take your freedom or whatever. Yeah. So, but the rabbits ride in against the horses. Now, they massacre the horses. I was hoping that they would do the horses and then ride back into the ranch

is on the back of the horses, but that doesn't we don't they just kill the horses. So and also to his credit, Judd the ranch hand that got attacked by the rabbits earlier just dips the fuck out. He just takes the truck. He's like, I'm out. I'm not in the movie anymore. I quit the movie. Yeah. But of course, in his attempt to escape, he just comes across the murderous rabbit hoard in root. It's so silly. He might as well turn a corner and like bump into a big rabbit's back. Or a rabbit rises up from the back seat and he's in the front. Right.

So yeah. So keep in mind that we have no reason to believe that he's not safe in his truck, right? Yes. I mean, I don't think the rabbits can open the doors, but you could lock them anyway. No, to be very clear, throughout the rest of the movie, it will be established that rabbits cannot get in vehicles. Yeah. I don't think you have to establish that. They just can't.

No, they just wouldn't. No, they just wouldn't. No, they just wouldn't. Oh, now they're wolf size. You know how wolves can't get into the car. So, right, but he turns around and he runs away from him. Cole is calling for help just then, but Judd runs into the telephone pole, crashes into the telephone pole and is panic

to get away from the murder rabbits. He's hair triggered. Yes. Yeah. So that's, but then he gets out of the vehicle, right? Because why wouldn't you at this point? And then he trips and the, and the rabbits murder him because they're murder rabbits. So, okay. So back inside the ranch, Cole's got, he's like sending his family down into the cellar and I'm like, oh, yeah, no way that rabbits can get underground. Good, good on you, man.

Yeah. Go anywhere else would be bet literally anywhere, a car. Yep. Up instead of down. Yeah, he's at the upstairs. Yes. There's so many solutions. They'll never find us in this carrot field. Everyone bury yourself up to of down. Yeah, up the stairs. Yes. There's so many solutions. They'll never find us in this carrot field.

Everyone bury yourself up to the neck. Portawn yourselves in this carrot patch. What? So yeah, so everybody runs down to the seller. And then I guess the rabbits gather around like they're going to starve the family out. Yeah, they're going to have a siege. Yeah. And again, this is where they're in the dollhouse and it's super fucking adorable. Oh, with the little kitchen, the tiny little kitchen.

The kitchen will shout rabbits. Yes. It's so cute. The music might as well just be a guy yelling take it seriously at this point. So the music is doing its best. And the music is working so fucking hard to scare us of these fucking rap. At one point, the rabbits start to nibble their way through the floor. And I was like, if a rabbit sticks its face through this hole and says, here's Johnny.

This is my favorite movie. This is my favorite movie in the world. Here's Johnny. Yeah, there he goes. So it would be here. Here's Peter probably, but yeah, but I get what you're saying. But I was going with here's bunny. But I know that's close. That's close. So, but the, and of course, the reason that the rabbit is able to do that is because Cole's dumbass keeps shooting at the bunnies through the floor of his cell, or the ceiling of his cell, the floor of his house, right? Yeah. He's shooting through the door at bunnies.

He's shooting through the floor by him like, you're safe until you start doing that. You dumb fuck. He's the, he might as well dig a hole through the dirt out there to shoot them. And then we like, okay, I got one. Uh, they're coming in. Ah, damn it. So and then like reserve bunnies show up like they had a reserve line that came up behind anyway.

So meanwhile, the operator. So when when Cole was trying to call for help, he got in touch with the operator and then the line cut out. And it's barely worth talking about the scene where we go back to Dorothy, the operator except that this is where we see the checkers. God damn it. It's only one move. It is a legal move, but literally the guy who makes one move that doesn't help is about

to get triple jumped for a king. And then they cut away from it. Yeah, just learn the, one movie can't learn one game they show. Yeah, ever. Jesus. And she's like, hey, you know, sounds like there movie can't learn one game they show. Yeah, ever Jesus, and she's like, hey, you know, sounds like there's something going on at the cold ranch You guys want to go check it out could be murder bunnies and they're like, nope, we do not want to check it out. Bye So they leave they this is also I guess the the general store So the two guys leave they leave the the woman there that's that's run in the place.

And then this actress has the second hardest acting performance of the movie after the sheriff, which is that she has to look out the window and act, is that a herd of giant rabbits? Oh, that's a herd of giant rabbits. Oh, no, what a terrifying herd of giant rabbits. It's either rabbits or a T-Rex because they're equal in size. Yeah, right. No, exactly.

It's a shaking amount based on the amount of shaking going on in the general store. There. Yeah. So like, yeah, the the herd of giant murder buddies comes maybe it's saber tooth tigers. I don't know. It could be any of these things. We'll find out vampires. Yeah.

And then of course, one of the rabbits leaps through the window and rips her. I really wanted to see a rabbit just smashing to the glass and not break it. And just like. I'm amazing down the yeah. So then the two guys that just left one of them drops off the other guy. So just walk up to his house and he hears something suspicious behind him. Because apparently the rabbits are approximately the same speed as his friends pick up truck Is that a rabbit stamp?

Even the noise that like the the Foley guy made for the stampede of rabbits is adorable habits is adorable. Right. Yeah. Can't not. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. So yeah. So we have this moment of like, you know, Kenny unlock his door in time, but he keeps stopping to look back to see if there's a rabbit stampede.

There's like, well, man, if you stopped doing that, you could. You would have time to do it, but he doesn't. And so of course, the rabbit stampede catches up with him and he also is murdered by rabbits. It's like they shot the end of the movie and they were like, fuck, 30 minutes. Do you just want to do more rabbit murder? Yeah, who we still have? The costume. All right, well, if this movie is already resorted to filler, I suppose we can too.

So we're going to pause for another break, but first let me give Ackby the hard sell. Will Roy Pola Bugs, address as a hot lady rabbit and lure them away? Oh my God, yes. We'll call Chop-Off one of their feet with an axe and then drag it around on a super awkward key chain for the rest of the movie. And if not, why didn't this movie have any fucking guts?

Fight out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the adorable conclusion of Knight of the Lepus. Alright everybody, I'm Sheriff Pop-Pom of Google of night of the lepus. All right, everybody. I'm Sheriff Paw Paw McGougal, and y'all know we're in a horror movie with a monster that can't get inside a car. So the mayor wants me to tell all of you here

to go over some basic safety tips. First of all, don't leave your cars. End of list, any questions? Yeah, if I hear a mysterious noise, should I go, you know, check that out. Nope. Nope. Don't do that because that would be leaving your car. The one thing we established that the monster cannot enter. I have a question. Yeah. Little Timmy. Go.

Well, I'm a little scam. A rap scallion, if you will. Should I go exploring when mother looks the other way? Oh, and if he does, should I say, oh no, no, Timmy, and just run after him as fast as I can? No, neither of you should do that. Just stay in cars, and if somebody leaves that car, do not follow them. It's really could not be simpler. What was that? Let's go see.

Yeah, but separately. Okay. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action, Dawn the following day, we get Roy sending Jerry and Amanda away for realsies this time.

And their reaction to this whole thing is so flippant. It was just like, man, I created a horde of murder rabbits. Now we got to deal with it. Yeah. Darling, I'm afraid you've got to go up to the summer house a day early. Yeah. Right. Right.

Mrs. wife and Ms. daughter have to drive up state or whatever to get out of the movie for a while. Yeah. So they leave and then bones shows up to pick him up to go meet with the sheriff. And, you know, I guess, coordinate the defense against the murder bodies. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I have to point out that up until this moment in the movie, there hasn't really been a plan against the murder bunnies. And now there's a fully fleshed out statewide plan. Yes. Without anyone letting us know why. As though there were contingencies for this sort of thing.

Yes. Yeah, the sheriff shows up and he's like, uh, did I hear you correctly? Giant murder rabbits were doing code giant murder rabbits? Because that's a serious thing that we have. Well, the sheriff even says, yeah, I got back from the big crime lab out in Phoenix. They tell me it's a giant rabbit. I'm like, I'm dying to know what tests they ran to determine that based on the autopsy.

I want to hear Larry's poem about the giant murder rabbit. Yeah. So, but they get in a helicopter. Because apparently this movie had helicopter money to go check out the mine altogether. That we cut up for just a minute, we cut the coal, walk it down the road trying to hitch like with a shotgun in his hand. And we watched the couple who didn't pick him up. The wife is like, honey, why didn't you pick up that armed, old man and the husband's like,

did you hear what you said? You, armed, old man, where that's why we're not doing that. Well, and apparently he realizes that, right? Cause he looks at his gun and he's like, oh, I know he's gonna pick me up with this. So he just tosses it into a ditch. And I'm like, yeah, oh, what possible negative repercussion could there be

from randomly discarded and loaded shotgun into the fucking, I wanted so bad for one of the bunnies to have that gun later. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a rifle axe. What the fuck, later. Yeah. It's got a rifle axe. What the fuck man? Oh, he's he's cornered the bunnies in the last act of the film.

He's about to pull the switch to kill them all and then there's just a gunshot and the bunny on the hill. Yeah. He's even sig all bunnies from earlier. Grassy no. Yeah, there you go. So yeah, and there we cut to the family that didn't pick them up as though they're gonna be major characters in the film, right? They're like, oh, we should stop at that next town so the kids can get drinks and then they come by the

The general store where the woman's gotten been murdered by the the bunnies and they're like, ah, it doesn't look like they're open and then they leave and we never see them Holy shit this gas station got destroyed by rabbits. Let's get the fuck out. Yeah, right. This is a horror movie. Fuck. Let's go. I wrote my notes. I get it. I live off 295. Sometimes you pull up and the gas station been destroyed by rabbits. I'm sure. So then we cut to Jerry and Amanda. They're out on the road. Of course, she doesn't know how to drive because she's in a great big truck and she's a lady. I almost went for best worst being in trouble because she might as well just like back into a tar pit and be like, there we go.

In distress. Exactly. Exactly. Check. We need to pull over. There's a little quick sand right here. I'm just going to go right. And that's what happens.

She drives into like a sand dune in the middle of the road. Yeah. Yeah. And then she really grinds that tire down to get a good and stuck. And she's like, all right, well, that ought to hold through act three. Yeah. Like me trying to back through a tree branch. Yeah. I know. Actually, yeah. So, and now and elsewhere, of course, Cole now comes by the general store and he sees the havoc that the bunnies have brought But he also sees that this is where the bunnies are hiding the again Thousands of giant wolf-sized bunnies are in the general store They're just hanging out like eating all the Doritos

It's a squad of evil rabbits doing my dream as a kid. Like seriously, my dream was to be like in a convenience store free rain over all the shells. So I honestly thought that it was just to be in a room filled with bunnies like that. But yeah, that was that was that would have been mine. Right. So yeah, but I love cold. Like he gets by by just like

Going like Lulu Loo doing non-threatening stuff, I guess right? You wander off. He slowly backs off like it's a biker bar. Right. I wrote my notes He acts like he stumbled onto an orgy. He's just like oh Sorry wrong room. He might as well get into an elevator. Oh Oh, sorry, wrong room. He might as well get into an elevator. Bing. Oh my God. I just realized how hard it must have been to shoot these bunnies shots without any of

the bunnies fucking each other. Oh, right. Yeah. Well, again, another fun IMDB fact from the IMDB for this movie. They started out with two or three rabbits and then they multiplied throughout the course of the filming and the director was like, Hey, this is great. Let's make it a stampede of killer rabbits instead of just one or two. Yeah.

So, okay, so that we check back in with Roy bones in the sheriff, they go back to the dynamite in mind and they're like, Oh, fucking rabbits can fucking dig. I don't know why I didn't think about this. I'm a rabbitologist. Like, that's my whole thing. He goes, looks like some survived and got out and I wrote my notes. You think? When the helicopters flying around, I thought a giant rabbit was going to jump up and

like eat the copper. Like a mega dog style. Yeah, exactly. Right, right. Fucking movie didn't have any guts. So yes, so they're like, okay, we need to call out the National Guard, send them, you know, have them send the murder bunny contingent, apparently. Yeah, that must have been a weird day at the base. All right, everyone, um, load up some machine guns. Uh, you know those mystery

vials we were given it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So okay. And then of course, we get a quick scene of Cole finally getting somebody to stop for him. It's a priest. Totally a God awful movie. It counts. Yeah. Right? He only knew how much scarier a Catholic priest in a van is than killer rap. And who shit? Well, I know. Thank you. I'm good. I'm just walking right here. I have this for fun. Oh, why did I throw away my gun? Please try. He goes, what's the trouble and cold goes? Would you believe murder buddies?

The actual line is he goes, he goes, if I told you, you'd think I was drinking father and then he gets in the car with him. So we cut back to the sheriff bones and Roy are back at the sheriff's office coordinating the rabbit defense with the National Guard representative, right? Yeah. And I'm going to simplify this for you because the movie does not make it clear. The plan is to make a big long fence. But at one point, someone goes, we're going to bomb the town and no one goes like, that's a bad idea. Let's not do that one. Yeah. The person who said bomb the town.

Well, and it's not the plan isn't even to make a giant fence. It's even dumb or than that. But we'll get to it. Yeah, that's there immediate go to is like, oh, right, yeah, we just nuke it from orbit. And they're like, there's people in the town though and rabbits. And they're like, God, dammit, that's gonna make it weird now. Right, but there is a ticking clock. They somehow know exactly what direction the rabbits can feed is heading and that it won't divert.

And they know approximately how long it'll take. They have like two hours on the ticking clock now. Well, right. So, so in this movie, rabbits are nocturnal. Again, rabbits are not nocturnal. They're crepuscular, right? They're, dawn and evening generally speaking. But in this movie, the rabbits can only come out at night. They're vampire rabbits or something. No, I don't want to make accusations on air, but now I'm starting to think that you somehow tricked me into picking night of the lip as you could use the word crepuscular crepuscular. But yeah, I just want to I want to plant a flag right there.

And then I feel like, you know, the matrix is all revealing itself around me. I'm going to rearrange the letters of God awful movies. It's going to spell crepus killer. I'm not taking an official position on this just yet. So yeah, so they're like, hey, is there another mind where they might be hiding, but just then Cole calls them. And he's like, hey, I saw all the murder bunnies. They're hanging out at the general store. Now, you would think that their plan would then be like, Oh, well, we should get some people down to the general store. Guys, we have nothing if not cyanide bombs, right? Machine guns. Right. We have machine guns now. We could go to where they're sleeping and everybody's like, Nope. Okay. So we have a couple hours before they wake up to

evacuate the town. No, no, that wouldn't be honorable. We must challenge these giant rabbits one on one to a duel. So that's that yeah, so they've got they've got to start the big evacuation and then we cut immediately to sunset because the movie is like yada yada Yada now it's sunset. Let's get back to the rabbits and We see the like the murder bunnies ride again montage here. Oh my God. They tell us that there are machine gun sites set up and I was like, I swear to God, if we get a saving private Ryan bunnies rushing

the pill boxes. We totally do. We totally do. D-Day with rabbits is what they're setting up. And we're gonna get that. Yes, that's exactly that is the finale of the fucking movie BD with BD BD BD BD I was being patient, but I'm not going to anymore B day. It's B day LaPora D day is better. Yeah, no his is better. Sorry. I'll kill myself right

You shouldn't have made fun of my puns. The Battle of Lapamatics. It's Squirrel Harbor. Nice. I got asked pretty good. That's pretty good. He likes so mad right now. He's the one.

So, but and once again, the music is doing the best it can. Right? It's just like, no, no, bunnies happen by tiny little houses with tiny little mailboxes very, very scary, right? And we hear this amazing moment where like they're evacuating the town and there's a guy who's like on a loud speaker going, people are advised to drive with their windows up. I love the visual there of the bunny like halfway into the window trying to get them like the two wrecks. I feel like they're too big for a car window to smash the you're like that's

a good strategy to trap them would be to have windows down and yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. The sheriff gets a call at this point from the national guard scouts or whatever like they're like the buddies are attacking across the two mile front. And I'm like, what the, are they coordinating now? Do they have a left flank? What's these are super intelligent vampire soldier special ops bunnies that have coordinated plans? Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Clearly, he's like, you've got about 40 to 50 minutes before you reach them. I'm like, you can tell where they're going 40 minutes out. How? Well, in the next seat, one of the scientists guys is like,

what's a rabbit stride in like feet? Yeah. And we learn it's four to five feet. For a giant rabbit. For giant. How the fuck does that end the conversation about the math though? It's like speed is distance

over whatever the fuck doesn't matter. We have distance. It's four to five. So yeah, so so we head back to the station. They're coordinating more, you know, because there's nothing more exciting than additional coordination. And this is the moment where they think they finally figure out the plan. Roy figures out what to do, right? Cause the one, the one cop is like, well, I guess we could make a giant fence that's two miles wide and 700 feet tall. And he's like, aha, offense. That's it.

And all of us are like, wait, I'm buying in what? But no, that's not what he mean. What he means is they're going to electrify train tracks and send the bunnies over the electrified train tracks and thereby kill all of them. Right. And I should be clear that the only reason we know that is because we watched the movie, we don't know that because any character tells us until the absolute nanosecond it happens, right? We are just looking at what happened in the movie and going, okay, I guess when that guy said fence, he meant electrified railroad tracks. Yeah, no, they're very coy about what the fucking plan is for the right, the remainder of the film.

I thought they were seriously going to like buy a really long fence and stretch across the thing and then electrify it. Yeah. With the third rail. That's what they implied. Yeah. Yeah. No third rail on just regular trains, though.

Yeah. So then we cut to this cup and I wrote in my notes, evacuating the drive in theater, but that's not what's happening. They are pressing these people into service against the murder bunnies. Well, and to be clear, everyone immediately says yes. He's like, hi, everybody. I know this is weird. You're all here at Makeup Point trying to watch Garfield in France. There's a herd of killer rabbits.

I need you all to follow me in perfect precision to lure them to their deaths and everyone's like, oh, fuck yeah, no, it's a great. Oh, rabbit. You got it. Yep, we got it. And they're all in lockstep. And you said we rehearsed this for no reason. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right.

Now I feel like you lie when it's killer rabbits, you're like, it's communist. Y'all come on. But but I want to be super clear because the cop never says, if you would like to volunteer to help our efforts to get they said they say there's killer rabbits coming. You've got to come this way. Everyone at that drive and assumed that they were evacuating, right? Yeah. But they tell also I think right? Yeah, but they don't. Also, I think they evacuated to a drive in theater playing porn, right?

The title was Every Little Crook and Nanny, which sounds like porn to me. All right. It's another MGM movie that came out that very same year. Telling about he then write that he was like, that's gotta be porn, right? Every little look and cranny, but crooked name. I'm writing my notes. That feels like porn.

For the God of the movies podcast. I can be porn. And when I see Crix and Hany, it's a sporn, and punerisms, actions. I think come, because poop, whoon. So yeah, so yeah, so apparently the plan now is to get all of those people to park side by side in a very long line because the bunnies are a terrified of light.

And so when they see everybody's headlights, they'll move towards the electrified train tracks, right? They're doing like a 300 thing, right? They're like filtering the rabbits into like this little spot that they want them. Yes, yeah, exactly. Yeah, right. They're floppy. There it is. like this little spot that they want them. Yes, yeah, exactly. Yeah, right. They're floppy.

There it is. I was like, I was like, what a weird reach for them there. See, I was trying to come up with a thumper, wait, I wait to get thumper into thermopoli. I seemed like it was there, but it wasn't and you got me, you got their faster. This is interesting because my jokes are character based. So I was trying to formulate the deformed rabbit who goes to meet the humans.

Oh, he said, there you go. There's more than human who goes to meet the rap. You see, I hadn't for and he was ready with their floppy. Yep. There you go. Really showing how the sauce is just made here on that particular. So the cops are heading towards the railroad tracks as they've heard that's where the movie ends. This is where Roy's like, Oh, shit. You are heading towards the railroad tracks, because they've heard that's where the movie ends. This is where Roy's like, oh shit, you know, my wife is probably in distress by now.

We should, I should take the chopper and go rescue her. And they're like, yeah, no, that's a gentleman. I'm so sorry. Can I borrow this chopper during this national emergency to go save my wife? It's the third act. And there was no obviously, obviously, mean, while we cut back to it, we have so much footage of the stamp peering, but I just wouldn't remind you that a group of rabbits is called among other things a fluffle, right?

So we have to keep fantastic. I didn't know that one. Yeah, that's right. So we have to keep coming back to this murder fluffle. And the music is just going, no, this is a very scary fluffle. It's a curve fluffle. Take this seriously. So yeah, so is a very scary fluffle. It's a cool fluffle. Take this seriously So yeah, so they make their wall ahead lights

Meanwhile, we get mom trying to figure out how to dig the car out of this rut and damn it if the rabbits aren't Sneaking up on them again, these rabbits are like This is the wife and child of that guy Shh, this is the wife and child of that guy. This is it, this one? This one's personal, guys. Okay. We need to savor this one up. Yeah.

They had like two giant rabbit scouts that went out to find me. Yes. To make him enter his corner. And they're like, I call it reinforcement. Yes, right? Yes.

Then again, again, they've got an RV. As near as we can tell, sit inside the RV is a foolproof plan. Nope. She does not do that. She does not. She puts her kid in the RV

and then she wanders out to go have a look around to look exploring, take them on one by one. Yeah. Well, she knows about going inside. She tells the kid like go inside because that makes sense. Rock the door, which they're in the same location, able to access the inside the same amount. She's like, honey, you go inside. I'm going to take on these rabbits, my son. I wonder did you like the Rambo suit up, right?

She puts the smear stuff on her eyes. Titans of bandana. So yeah, but so she gets some flares, right? Because she's going to need to like signal where they are to her husband. No bunny messes with my daughter. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no by she cracks a flare. So she's like to hold them off with the flare and they can't come near enough to her because of course the, the effects wouldn't allow for that. They have to be in separate shots.

Well, and their vampire bunnies, they hate light. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So the flare, they either hate light and or are triggered by light to attack. The movie hasn't been clear. They're very responsible about road signals. Yeah. Oh, okay. That could be it too. Yeah.

So yeah, and she also she throws her flair sets one of the bunnies on fire and then I'm like, I see now I want her to die and I won't be happy unless she does this part of the movie. How great would it be though if all the bunnies just stop and put him out and they're like, geez, lady. What the fuck? You're an asshole. Hey, can I say this? You're an asshole. Right?

That was funny. So there's this great and they've got the poor little girl. She's in the RV looking out the window. She's screaming, but they didn't give her enough stuff to scream. So the little kid just has to vamp and she's like, Mommy, wait, Mommy, oh no, mommy rabbits. Mommy scared, scared, am I, you know, we have a bad job in a bad movie.

I don't know. I hope your daughter is more successful than this. Are there any bagels left to crafty? Yeah, but just then her husband shows up. So they take the kid out. Oh, no, I'm sorry, the spotlight on the helicopter scares them all off because they're vampire rabbits, right? This was so lazy. The helicopter lands on the rabbits were like, I mean, we're

not going to deny the kid a helicopter ride. And they tried desperately to add a little suspense here. Right? They had this bit where they're like, well, we can't electrify the track until this train gets by and it's going too slow. And they like, they, they try to put some suspense in there, but eventually they're just like, ah, fuck it. Like how can a slow train be suspenseful, right? Anyway. So, okay.

So we check back in with the involuntary human shield of the National Guard put together. They're addressing everyone in their cars. They're like, okay, so in just a minute, this entire area in front of you is going to be filled with murderous rabbits and machine gunfire. I'm going to need you to not be a bunch of pussy about it, okay? Okay. Now, don't worry. The rabbits have agreed that they're afraid of light for this last 10 minutes of the

movie. So just keep those headlights on and you'll be fine. Roll up those windows. Yeah. Remember we said earlier. Yes. Well, and then we should point out because again, because despite despite Heath's assumptions, it wasn't a porn at the drive-in. So like a lot of these people have their kids with them. Like we see these people with their families and shit. I still don't think it's clear that it wasn't porn based on what you said. Look, this is the generation that sent their kids to Vietnam.

Exactly. They don't get it. They understand the needs of the many. Not quite, but yes. I remember I saw my first porn with my parents at the drive and it was fun. Okay, that I believe. Yeah, no, honestly. Yeah, so Roy shows up in the helicopter just in time for the finale of the movie.

The helicopter guys like, okay, but I'm getting the fuck out of here. This is stupid. The train goes by. So, you know, no suspense. They are. And then they crank up the power that's going to electrify the train tracks. Mm hmm. I wanted so bad for the rabbits. Just run around the side of the electrified bar. Or just jump over it. Yes, right. We're jumping over the like two and a half foot span or whatever. Box guys. Did anyone know about jumping? Be honest. We knew about all of you. You all know about jumping. That's name things that are good at jumping rabbits. Fuck.

Okay. God damn it. All right. Well, at least we know for the grasshoppers thing next week, right? Yes. So many mystery vials. Why do we even have? right? Yes. So many mystery vials. Why do we even have? And then we're going to spend, I don't know, seven minutes right on this montage of electrifying rabbits shooting them with machine guns and firing flame throwers at them. It feels like someone was doing some not great therapy for themselves and their friends.

That's right. Is the guy who was afraid of rabbits who wrote this movie was like, and then we fuck a dime. I was like, okay, cool. So we like shoot some. He was like more footage of the rabbits dying. The heroic conclusion of this movie is a mass bunny genocide. Mm-hmm.

Right. And it goes on for so this is why Gen X is so fucked up y'all 100% in the porn they saw at the driving with their parents to take on us. I have to point out that my so my seizure app That have on my iPad where I watch this there's flashing lights all over this finale seizure app just shut down my iPad. I didn't even know it had that setting But it was like, no, more iPad for you. So my experience was that these bunnies started getting electrocuted, and then it was dark for like two and a half minutes,

and I was like, wow, they're really going for like a thematic. And the flight's a bold ending, I didn't. Yeah, so yeah, so we watch a lot of bunny murder, and then they stare triumphantly out over a pile of bunny corpses. Again, it had to say that in the script. The screenwriter must have written the words and then they stare triumphantly out over a pile of bunny corpses.

I'm guessing he wrote it, you know, all work in no play makes Jack a dull boy style over it in the margins of the script. Jack rabbit at all boy. Nice. Nice. Oh, I got another rabbit thing in there. I come because I'm fuming with rage is what I'm right. Yeah. Man. This is the, this is the final episode. We almost made it to 400 everybody, but I got out rabbit pun for the last time. So then we're going to wrap things up on the most useless scene in this stupid fucking movie, right? So we get like, I guess Roy's out playing football with his buddies. Cole is standing in the middle of the end zone waiting for a break so that they can chat for this final scene. I should also be clear

that no, nobody is dressed for football like remotely. No, I guess this is the thing they did back in 72. Yeah, this appears to be an inter-departmental game of football at the university. Yeah. So he's like, so, hey, Cole, how's the, how's the post finale of the movie working for you? And he's like, oh, it's great. The coyotes are back at the ranch. No, no giant killer rabbits. So go, all right, do you, you must have something more to say

than that for this scene to be included in the film. No, he's like, nope, that a goddamn thing. He says survival of the fittest, as if that like solved it. Yeah, I like like the evolutionary process that Darwin talked about with electrified train tracks. Yes. That's how the good Finches made it. You know, it's the giant bunnies that weren't conductive survived. Yeah. So yeah, and he's like, you know, you and your wife should come out to the ranch sometimes.

He's like, sure, man, whatever. I can't believe we did a whole scene for this. And then we cut to Amanda and Cole Jr. run into the field and we zoom in and you think that we're going to see like a giant bunny paw rise out of the ground the way that he lies in. But for sure, they just freeze frame on regular ass rap. As though to say, I know friends, real rabbits are still out there and still a very real danger. I know we all had a good time watching that 17 minute sequence of rabbit electrocution

that I insisted on, but seriously, they're out there. And they're still, we didn't kill all of them. We're all scared of them. It ends on like ominous rabbits being like, yes, yes, right. And credits roll over top of them. Yeah. All right. So obvious question at the end of this, though, like, because remember, like, yes, right and credits roll over top of them. Yeah. All right, so obvious question at the end of this though, like, because remember, like, when you first saw

a jaws as a kid, how you were scared to even go to the bathroom because there was water in there, what are you scared to do now that you're terrified of rabbits? Oh, go to Arizona. Oh, damn it. Wait, what? Damn it. Are there a lot of rabbits there?

Well, in this movie, there's sure as fuck. There's a movie, what? Yeah, all right there a lot of rabbits there? Well, in this movie, they're sure as fuck, they're moving what? Yeah, right. We're going right there, or something after watching this. Yeah. Oh, I'm kidding. I hope they're yawning.

I hope they're going. Oh, what if this is a posthumous episode? That'll be so ironic if we're killed by giant rabbits and this episode comes out afterwards. Oh. All right. Well, I guess that's going to do it for our review of Night of the Lepus,

but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to get back on task for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Two pastors, one from a wealthy parish and a predominantly white suburb, the other, the head of an inner city church must learn to bridge the gap between their different philosophies and their individual prejudices. Are they different races maybe? Together, I wonder what they mean by intercity church.

Together, they look for common ground through faith and fight to save one's struggling urban church and the people it serves. The sub church. We'll be watching the second chance. Oh, fuck. All right, so with that, we'll go forward to we're gonna bring episode 399

to our merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to contact yourself among the ranks, you can make a prepsidonation of patreon.com slash God off and thereby earn an access to an ad for version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our civilly shows, the skating a de-acitation, de-and-d-minus, and the skeptic guide available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, and send them out to suggestions. You can get a email on that off at movies.gmail.com.

Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written in the performance by Ryan Salon, and we'll drop some on Mars. All the other music was written in the performance by our audio engineer, Morgan Kárgin, was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right?

Neely Bosnick, I'm No Illusions, promising to work harder on another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The mystery serum that makes giant mutant animals never got checked on again. No. DeForest Kelly learned his lesson

about non-star trek movies. The creators of Night of the Lefus went on to create a tack of the killer hamsters, the cat who liked to be pet too much and rise of the baby in a tuxedo okay I can't tell if you were joking or not he did they? no happy

is next week's episode rise of the baby in a tuxedo that's what I'm asking that's how you know there you go. I'll be. when the ones are going into shock and he gets to grab their giblets, right? He gets to grab their fat. Oh, this one's going into shock. Look at him. He's going to put it in the mirror. Oh, boy, schnute.

I'm going to give him a ram. Do you think they did like test audiences for this movie? And they're all like so cute. And he's like, what the fuck? This is bullshit. I'm just, it's scary. I don't think that they didn't test audiences for this movie. No, I'm very likely not.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. And this one, Yax Horn, gives you unbelievable focus. No way. Yeah, way. Hey guys, what's with the bottle of pills? Did you guys get caught in a pyramid scheme again? Okay, first of all, that wasn't a pyramid scheme.

It was a multi-level marketing business opportunity. And you ruined our chances to be girl bosses. And two, no, these are brain pills. Brain pills? Yeah, I've been lacking really vague, undefinedable qualities lately. You know, energy, focus, girl bossness, girl bossness. Yeah. So I bought a bunch of these pills online, which is crazy. They're legally allowed to tell me that they help with those things. Yeah. Look, Eli, if you want to take better care of your brain, why not try therapy with better help? How is therapy going to help us be a girl boss? Okay. I need you to stop saying girl boss. No. Yeah. I already said it a few times around. Therapy is all about deepening your self-awareness and understanding because

sometimes we don't know what we want or why we react the way we do until we talk through things. Psh, talking through things. Noah, this one is pure, uncut, weasel gall bladder. No, it isn't. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So no awkward therapist breakups? Exactly.

Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELelp.com slash awful. Better help. Girl boss. You said you heard it. I did, but once I said, I wouldn't. It was all I wanted to do at that point.

No, I get it, I get it. Girl boss. Girl boss. Cya! No more from the shoulder. I'm using my shoulder, Heath. I don't know what that means. Hey guys.

Have you seen my damn it, guys? What did I say about using my mattress as a punching bag? That's not a punching bag and what you're doing isn't punching. Well, after that. Uh, don't? Don't exactly. Sorry, no, but this is an emergency. An emergency?

How? We got to get in fighting shape for A con this weekend. Yeah. Well, technically last weekend when people hear this episode don't overthink it. But yeah, fighting shape. Or else, how will anyone know who's the king of the atheists? King of the atheists, exactly. For the hundredth time, we are not starting a kumete in American atheist convention. Nick said no. And besides, if you're looking to get in shape, why not try FitBod?

Oh, what's FitBod? Whether you've been missing gym time or hit a plateau, FitBod will build a workout plan individualized to you. The app switches up your exercises to avoid over training or burnout while keeping your workouts fresh and fun. And your program also changes based on your personal progress from maximize results. Whether you work out in the weight room or your living room, FitBod has you covered. I don't know Noah, isn't that expensive?

Not at all. A full year of FitBod is less than the cost of a single session with a personal trainer. Alright Noah, I'm Ian. Where do I sign up? Keep up your fitness habit with a personalized workout program from FitBud. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free at fitbot.me slash gam. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash gam. Okay, but if we're not doing a kumentay, how do we know who's the king of the atheists? Thank you. That's it's easy. That's Seth, Seth Andrews. Yeah, yeah, Tranks. Silky voice.

Daddy does, Eli. Daddy does. Jerky, check, whistle. Two, two versions. Hey guys, what's with all the camping gear? Oh, hey, Eli's phone is due for an upgrade, so you know what that means. And all day trip to the cell phone store. Even if you think you're just gonna go in and out, you end up there all day.

Yeah. And the sale spitches, yikes. Guys, yeah, I know all about that stuff. That's why I switched to Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? As the first company to sell premium wireless service online only, Mint Mobile lets you order from home and save a ton with phone plans starting at just $15 a month. $15 bucks a month, you're pulling my leg!

I'm not. By going online only and eliminating the traditional costs of retail, Mint Mobile passes significant savings on to you. Plus, all plans come with unlimited talk and text, plus high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any min mobile plan and switch easily in minutes with ESIM. Woo, ESIM, exactly. All right, Heath, we're in. Where do we sign up?

To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to minthmobile.com slashgam. That's minthmobile.com slash gam. That's mintmobile.com slash gam cut your wire. Let's build a $15 month at mintmobile.com slash gam. All right, Heath, we're in. See Ryan Reynolds. We could write the next Deadpool movie. I didn't need just sell it though. I feel like you could put in the word put in a word exactly.

All right. The presenting podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023. All rights reserved. I feel like you could put in the word. Put in the word exactly. All right. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023.

All rights reserved.