God Awful Movies - 4: GAM004 Left Behind (2000)

Episode Date: September 15, 2015

In this episode, we embark upon an entire trilogy of increasingly crazy Kirk Cameron apocalypse movies.  We break down part one of the Left Behind triology with the help of special guest masochist Devin Heater.If you'd like to follow Devin on Twitter, you can do so here. If you'd like to learn more about Devin's show, GUS (Generic Underground Shelter), you can follow them on Facebook, Twitter, or Instragram.

Un chapuzón, con el hábito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parque Sur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con martes y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, bailo es sin parque sur. I also love that the that the pastor that did get raptured left a like a break in case of rapture VHS being telling me of course I wonder if he had a series of videos like this is in case I'm caught choking a hooker but she gets a knife out of the last moment God awful movie MOVIE! MOVIE! Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we suffer through yet another selection from Christian cinema and a few tile effort to find the good one. And suffering immediately alongside me as my good friend Heath, heath, welcome back.

Thank you, sir. And sitting 989 miles to my right is our good friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, so glad you made it through another one. Oh, and indeed I did. And joining us for the first time tonight is New York Amperevisor and Special Guest Massacus Devon Heater. Devon, welcome to the show. Hey, guys, how are you?

Well, you know, we just watched this movie, but other than that, I think pretty good. Well, you're doing, but I had to watch it twice because Eli told me about this like a month and a half ago So I watched it like the second he told me about it because I was excited and then he was like oh, yeah Sorry, we got to push it back like four weeks. I watch all the movies twice Seven I saw it was all the movies It was actually good because I watched the first time I watched it I was also playing Final Fantasy 7 on my phone. So I missed a lot. That would have meant for a really weird review. Do you remember the part where Kirk Cameron goes to seduce the mayor by dressing up like a lady?

Do you remember when he was so run up those stairs for five minutes? So before we get started we've already kind of spilled the beans but he'd tell us what are we watching today? Alright for this week's episode we chose a movie called Left Behind the Movie. Yes, which as you can tell from the title is a motion Picture that's what I can tell you about that. Yeah, pretty much says it all and We've we've committed to doing all three here, haven't we? Really? Yeah, yeah, so the whole trilogy over the next three weeks. Now of course Devon's only signed on for one, so but but this is a rather appropriate you have some some apocalypse experiences that correct, sir? Yeah, I'm well I'm pretty well versed in the apocalypse that is true. So tell us

about your show. Yeah, so I am in an improv show called Gus, which stands for generic underground shelter. It's me and two other guys, and it's sort of like a post-apocalyptic buddy comedy. It's like the three of us went down into a shelter, world ended, and we've been stuck there for a long time, and we're slowly going insane. That's basically the show. And we just finished a run in the French festival

here in New York, So it was fun. Oh, awesome. Awesome. And as though I've never asked you this question before, is it a biblical apocalypse in the show or? You know, it has been, but it's a different, different apocalypse every time. Sometimes we don't really get to it because we're too busy worrying about, you know, how we're going to masturbate with the other two people in the room. Like, sometimes you don't really get to the apocalypse. It's a lot about the mundane, everyday details of being trapped in a bunker with two other dudes.

By the way, just wanted to throw this out. There are next Patreon goal is to trap me, Heath, and Noah in an underground bunker. So guys, you know, we're almost there. Really check that out. You know, give what you can. Because again, we're going to be sealed underground for seven to twelve years seven to twelve years lots of fun honestly might as well the way my schedule is right now of course I'm just gonna get a crack at this but Devon your art

guess I'm gonna give you first go how bad was this movie I mean this movie was was pretty pretty terrible. You know I've been listening to to the other movies you reviewed. I feel like it's probably the best movie that you've reviewed so far on this show though. I think you're probably right. Yeah I would say that's true. I would say that's true. As I was watching this I thought to myself like you know this is fun. I'm having fun because there's no, there's no women going through abusive relationships. There's no like avoiding the consequences of abandoning your child. It's just good old fashioned crazy.

Now, Grant, would I have rather had to call all of my ex-girlfriends and tell them that they have to get tested for an SGD, then watch this movie? Yes, but I didn't I do that Recreationally, I just I just did that because this bitch has pissed me off. I like to tweet them That's good just tag them a tag them on a face book Hashtag get tested again. Yeah

Gross hashtag you brought this on yourself So he thought I'd a scale of one to ten where one is shit and ten is less shit. Where do you rank this one? Well, it's definitely on that scale somewhere. In fairness though, this was arguably the best movie from the year 2000 with the word movie in the title. Unless you count the growing pains movie, but you know, yeah, we're pretty good either way. So we're talking best and breed or close to it. I'm gonna give it two shits out of 10.

I gotta say maybe three was on fire that particular year. And finally Eli, was it everything that you hoped it would be? It really, really was. Because you know, we watched the Nicholas Cage one and I was like, ah, you know, is this just gonna be a less crazy version of the Nicholas Cage one and the answer is no it's gonna be a whole lot more fucking crazy which says a lot because the Nicholas Cage one was fucking crazy but we didn't have a scene with the literal antichrist and that's the level of crazy this movie goes to this movie It's like someone watched the Nicholas Cage one even though it was made afterwards and they were like we can do more

We can go further. I was shockingly bummed at the like the lack of Conclusion at the end of it because like there's three movies and like I was bummed like at the end of the movie I was like shit Do I have to watch the next to you just to find out what the fuck happens in this fucking trilogy? It's either that or read the fucking Bible, and I gotta assume that this trilogy is better than that. Yeah, I'll choose this movie any day. When I was watching this movie, my roommate came home.

She immediately recognized, like, she immediately knew what movie it was, not because she had ever seen it, because she's read all of these books to her grandmother. Oh my God. Oh. So that was, but she was like, oh yeah, I remember this part,

I'm just like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that that's your life. Just make Granny feel better. Don't worry Granny, all the people who are having orgasms are gonna go to hell and you're gonna get to go to Heavens. Yeah, okay, wow. What a weird thing to read to

your grandma right yeah oh there's a fire demon said John it's eating me it's eating me alive all right she's asleep I'll wait until tomorrow finish it yeah I didn't I didn't inquire further I didn't want to know the story behind why that happened was it a punishment to do grandma rob old people or defraud a bank somewhere? I thought maybe a punishment for my roommate. Like grandma, you know, if I lie to sin and you're going to have to read these books to me to learn. I'll tell you what, that was a punishment for everyone involved, whether they knew it or not. So, and now I apologize, Devin Heath if I'm leaving you out on on this one because I believe it was just me and Eli that did the remake but I and I should say this for the end but I'm dying to know what did you think was this a

better or worse cinematic experience Eli than the Nick Cage version of this. So this was definitely a worse cinematic experience but that's not anyone's who's in this movie's fault. It's just because there's no Nick Cage. You just everything that happens to the characters in this movie happens to and gets reacted to by Nicholas Cage. So automatically it's better. Right. Automatically every scene in this movie, we're like, we're like, that's wacky.

It has Nicholas Cage being like, hey everybody, it's me. Happy birthday little girl. Grim orange of those books. It's just it's taken to the next level. So every time in this movie when you would get bored or bummed out because there were definitely boring parts of this movie. The entire like crying with a Bible in my bedroom 45 minutes segue of this movie. I would watch that with Nicholas Cage. I would watch Nicholas Cage just be like, oh Connor, what the point is back in the box. Why do I have to invest with Madoff? Nick, we're recording. Just, just, we'll fix it in post. I need to get me there

somehow. You guys see season of the witch? I gave Ron Paulman a hug and that was the peak of my year. So I guess with that ringing endorsement, we're going to take a quick break to steal our nerves before we take a look at what we heathens have to look forward after we're left behind. Before we get back to the laughs tonight, I want to take a somber moment and remembrance of the many fine careers that were lost in the making of this film. A number of promising rising stars in Hollywood willingly laid down their employability upon the altar of insane Christian filmmaking, and we at God Awful Movies would like to salute

them. Starting with Chelsea Noble, who plays the flight attendant turned UN bigwig in this film, and plays the woman having an orgasm when Kurt Cameron gets frisky. While some might say her career was already doomed when she changed her name from Nancy Mueller to a bullshit Macacterson, in truth, it was born and died on the same day. July 20th of 1991 when she married the Robin de Ray comforts Batman. Since left behind, her career has consisted of the other left behind movies, and occasional reprisals of her bit-roll in growing pains when Jeremy Miller runs out of crack and they have to do a comeback TV movie.

Also lost with the careers of Brad Johnson and Gordon Curry, who played the pilot and anti-Christ respectively. Both men had promising TV careers in 1999 and nothing to look forward to, but the downward spiral of this trilogy after that. Particularly disappointing was the loss of Curry, who would have made a way better asamandius in Watchmen. Of course, it's also worth noting that when this film debuted, it was still possible that Kurt Cameron would have a career outside of the convincing grown-ups to play pretend genre.

After all, he was no more washed up than Jason Bateman at this point, who was in even smaller part of an even less successful TV show at the same time, and has now graduated to a person in real movies. But most disappointing of all was the loss of Clarence Gillier Jr., who seemed poised to become white America's favorite stereotypical black guy after playing the Token Funny Black guy and Matlock, the Token Funny Black guy and Top Gun, the Token Funny Black guy and Die Hard, and the Token Funny Black guy and Walker Texas Ranger. But unfortunately, since this film's release, America has had to turn elsewhere to find their funny black men talking how them brothers do.

So in memories of the careers of Chelsea Noble, Brad Johnson, Gordon Curry, Kurt Cameron, and Clarence Killier Jr., we bow our heads in remembrance, comforted only by the fact that anyone who decided to stick with this thing after seeing a screen treatment kind of deserved it Hi there. Welcome to the survival list. How can I help you today? Oh, um, hey, I was wondering if you sell Tense. Sorry what? Tense do you sell tents for camping and no sir? We do not oh Okay, I thought you would have had him you would be wrong We have a business and we are a business for Prippers, not a camping store.

I'm sorry, uh, Prippers? People who prepare for the end of the world, Prippers. I'm sorry, didn't that already happen? What now? The end of the world? Oh, what? That thing? No, no, no, no, my friend. I'm talking about the real deal. The end times. That little spat wasn't half of what's coming. Really? I mean, all those people that got sucked up into heaven

Allegedly and then remember when the earth opened and like all these demons came pouring out Allegedly and then you know my wife she got eaten by rape lizards and like all the other so the government would have you believe? No, I saw it. I saw we were holding hands and then they Well agree to disagree my friend Okay, well anyway, you know my son his hairs turned white and I thought maybe a little camping with cheer up fresh air Get out of the city and the sinkholes filled with lava the what now The giant holes in the earth where they're filled with lava and there's one right outside your store No, I hadn't noticed I walked in this morning didn't see it didn't see it all yeah

None of my business, but I think you might be in some sort of denial. Well, I don't know about that. Maybe I'm just keener than most, or maybe owning a small business for six years just means you don't really have any other measurable skills now, so how about we set you up with a gas powered generator? All of the gasoline in the world turned into sentient fire. He sure did. Sure did. And we're back because if we left now, we watched this piece of shit for nothing.

And we open with some vaguely Jesus-y platitudes over a picture of Earth. Yeah, this movie opens like a mission impossible slash bond movie with the like the things like tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt None of the like, you know, I could have recognized it was Israel from the fact they're just showing landmarks in Israel. It's like they took a bunch of like they borrowed a bunch of B-roll from bond movies. They're like, come on man, we were 10 minutes short and it's like, well, I mean, I've got a bunch of these things. These were locations we didn't use, but you don't want to just put up like Israel 6 p.m. Yeah, no, we'll take them. We'll take them. We'll use them several times throughout this movie to

absolutely no effect. And the people who you saw were clearly just american tourists in israel like everyone was fat and had a fanny pack like in a country with mandatory military service that is just not what people look like unless they're visiting so we meet current camera right away plays buck williams and he's a uh... a stellar reporter such a good reporter in fact

that he hasn't yet learned you don't turn your head away from the god damn camera when you're interviewing somebody yet you know this is gonna be a quality movie when the characters first line is i'm buck Williams and i'm standing in a week field yes you when he's very clearly standing in a week i don't know if that was a segment just for the visually impaired And like he he's supposed to be like America's number one news reporter like that's that's the that's what they're trying to tell us he Looks like a child. I mean he is a child the man is will forever be a

14-year-old boy. There's no way the American people are like this is who i trust to give me the right like we like all that will take on crack right now yeah only walter crank i was fifteen years old that's what that's what the american people really wanted but now the good news in this movie is it does not take long to get to the action they blew their budget in the opening scene of this movie i'd say oh yes oh no question that they were like we got all the money and then the rest of the

movie they were like fuck we got a shoot in a bedroom of him crying more of him crying we have two locations left i am so sorry oh my god we've got two movies left to go we have literally eighteen dollars left in the budget guys no we cannot get subway for lunch no one part of home and so he basically he's talking to this Jewish guy who invented magic weight who the fuck knows or maybe irrigation Maybe that's all he invented right?

He just sort of figured out you know This is a desert, but if we brought some pipes some water and I bet we could grow some shit here elsewhere Yeah, teachers your formula I Will give you anything Tell me what you desire. I will give you anything. Tell me what you desire. I'll rebuild the third temple for you. Um, you just pray with a hose. Ah, that's okay. So he's like, yeah, I'm not going to sell it. Eden is not for sale. And then immediately the wheat field and Israel gets attacked by the entire air force of the planet

Yeah, ever right and that ever will be there are more This is there are millions of planes in the sky just bombing the ship Darkening the fucking sky blotting out the sun. Yes, uh-huh, right exactly And I at this point I wrote in my notes now the now we get to shoot missiles that are wheatfield like you do I I have to say as soon as I saw the CGI tanks I Screech Those were brutal up until then I wasn't exactly sure

I wasn't a hundred percent positive this movie is gonna be horrible But I want the listeners to imagine just a picture of a tank overlaid on a little plastic piece of paper and a guy holding that over a desert matte painting and just kind of moving in the long and trying to get it to go along with the terrain that's the quality of CGI. And mumbling and mumbling. Grumbling. Yeah. We can see your hand. Go fuck yourself.

All right, Dave. We have to stop hiring that guy. I also like that Israel just like didn't notice any of this like it's not great It's every fighter jet ever constructed a massing on Israel and Israel one of who spends all of their money on military It was just like oh what huh? Fuck you know what it was we got angry birds to you got really into it It's just one of those things where you're like oh, I'm just gonna to the level where you get a little chest. I just want to get the little chest And I totally took my eyes off the screen. It's on me

Hey, I'm here. Did you accept my candy crushing fight? Come on Just give me a life now luckily for our hero though this wheat field is located About nine inches from the this located about nine inches from the norad defense system of Israel. It's really pentagon is right there. Yes. And if you thought that that was going to be explained or if someone was going to point out, why no? No.

We are led to believe that this wheat field, this magic wheat field just also happens to have a full-grade military bunker underneath it. Just like, and this is where we keep the peanuts and squash and over there is where we keep the anti-missile defense guns and then a military bunker that you can just walk into without being murdered dead. Oh yeah just just stroll casually into with an American reporter yeah right exactly and then of course we have the great quote he goes he goes who's attacking us and he goes could be anyone Nobody has more enemies than Israel. I mean, it's probably not Iceland. I feel like we can cross them off the list

Quebec probably didn't you know succeed from Canada build an Air Force and fly over We don't really have to worry about Utah. Nope. Yeah, it's kind of hard to tell when your radar screen is the exact size of Israel and that's it. They made it. Yeah, that's exactly the size of the country. It's kind of made a tricky. And like just watching our skies. Don't worry. They were coming. They had them. I mean, if you look at the thing, it's like they're in a perfect circle around Israel and like flying in as opposed to just like attacking from one direction. Yeah. Yeah, they're being attacked by one of those like those fourth of July flight teams that does the stunts and stuff. Yeah.

That's where they're at. Yeah. A perfect their guard. All right, guys, now we're going to do a flip and we're going to shoot some bombs at people. Very good. All right. And now, of course, the Israelis are caught as as Devon said, completely off guard.

So they don't have time to scramble any planes or anything. but all of a sudden the what I tell me what was going on whether the planes were just blowing up or was God shooting them down with brimstone what was happening in that scene in my head God was playing duck hunt he was just like oh finally here we go dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada planes just ex there's no explanation except the Kirk No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We should not go to that particular spot. Everyone's just like nope. Here we go Also like if your Israel don't you just like if I was Israel. I just like yeah, no We have a sweet defense system Like never try this again, you know, it was top secret. We're waiting to show you guys. We're so glad you attacked

Yeah, come on. Yeah, that's our new system. We call it the chair table system. Mr. President, are you just saying things that you see? Chair table. It's Jewish. You wouldn't understand. That's Hebrew. That's what our language is called. So now of course, Kurt Cameron's character.

He's in the missile defense bunker, learning all about Israel's secret missile defense, but he's a reporter so damn it He just can't stay down there. So he has to run upstairs out of the missile bunker and start filming and this is when That he chose poorly guy from the last crusade. Oh, I wrote down. Oh look. It's one of the nights who's saying me down all of the kids one of the nights who say me right that just wanders out of the fucking desert

in the middle of this air attack and starts randomly saying biblical prophecy to uh... to Kirk who as america's number one news reporter says to himself oh crazy dude in the fucking desert in the middle of a you know and air raid that's probably the most important thing i should put my camera on let this guy tell me about the bible for a minute rather than you know getting

video of all these exploding airplanes above me right and no one thinks it's peculiar either no one's like hey man where's that weird medieval night guy come from because he had to be wearing that before it's not like he's a guy who went crazy because the air strike and put on that uniform he be wearing that before it's not like he's a guy who went crazy because the airstrike and put on that uniform He was wearing that beforehand if he is corporeal Are we supposed to believe that he was like hanging out somewhere in like a porta-potti being like all right? Oh

All right any minute now there we go the explosions of starter just got to wait for Kirk to get up here I brought my phone Could have texted. So I was playing a fun game while watching this movie. Because I knew, the only thing I knew about the movie is that it has to do with the rapture. So the fun game was guessing who wasn't going to get raptured and why.

I decided Kirk Cameron doesn't get raptured because he doesn't do what any normal person would have done. Grab the crazy old man and bring him into the bunker to safety. No, he just let him wander off. No, he just let's just some wander off to die because there's airplanes and bombs falling out. So yeah, so periodically just whenever you meet a new character, you're just when you're watching this movie, just be like, that's why they don't get raptured.

What does that person do? Yeah, what's wrong with this guy? Play along at home. What did they do? What did they do to get me to do? The rapture game. It's like the left behind version of scene it. Yeah, there you go.

Pause the tape now. What did Kurt Cameron do? A rape a bunch of people. That's it. He raped a bunch of people. I was sure B was going to be this fucking movie and now we uh... we cut to our other heroes the uh... pilot in his family over in chicago

yeah exactly at which point so this of the first thing we see is the family where they fight over the tv remote but then that immediately gets creepy when they come in and uh... the she's like so what did you learn about in Sunday school and the kids like I learned about impaled heads on spikes Makes sense I get it See I'm convinced that there was an atheist in the writers room that kept sneaking shit in and just chuckling to himself because they didn't like nobody picked up on that Oh absolute there's no question that like my ancestor was in the writer's room just

being like, what if he wrote about spikes and everyone was like, praise Lord, I don't get it, but sure if you think that's right. Yeah, I knew that kid was going to get raptured because he said the word Sunday school. So the game looks both ways. Oh, yeah, everyone tells you they're about to get raptured in this movie by like pointing to a crucifix on their chest and being like, wink, very click. You have no questions about who's going to be who. Then the Reverend comes to visit and kisses his friend's child on the head, which I found very upsetting. It was very inappropriate. There's no, it's just like, oh, hey guys, so good to see you. Reverend Paul. Mm. Mm. Give me a little, give me a little,

and that's why he doesn't get raptured. Just touch your lips gently to mine. Just gently, we don't need to touch him. So, okay, so we're already playing the left behind game on the, on the reverend, of course. Yeah, I would guess pedophilia, like, even if I had not seen the guy before. Yeah, that's cheating.

You heard the word reverend. Chloe, the daughter, Chloe, the daughter doesn't get raptured because she has a nose ring. Yeah, that's cheating. You heard the word reverend. Chloe, the daughter, Chloe, the daughter doesn't get raptured because she has a nose ring. Yeah, yeah, clearly they bring that up right away because it's topical. And the pilot has a job, so he must be a bad guy, atheist that doesn't get raptured. Totally.

Well, I already know from the Nick Cage movie what's wrong with him. So, of course. Yeah, I'd be spoiling it if I told you. Exactly. There is a great moment, though, where he's about to leave the house and she goes, I love you. And he goes, yeah, me too. At which point I just went rough. That's what I'm really like spending time with you too, my wife. Yeah. Oh, I don't know that

I'm ready to go there yet. Anyways anyways take care of our two kids, but When I first saw the pilot I paused the movie because I was convinced it was John Travolta And then I realized that this guy's career has been like either as John Travolta stunt double or Like every callback he's ever gotten he like looks around the room sees John Travolta and I was like well not fucking getting this one back he's ever gotten he like looks around the room sees john travolta and is like well not fucking getting this one calls as he goes you know what just don't send me if you're gonna send john just don't send me you're gonna well you never know they might be going for something they're never going for something else other than travolta they're never doing it you promised me

battle star oh wow what a career when that would have been an upgrade but it would have been so Chloe runs out after dad and they get into the fight or whatever where she's sort of defending Jesus even though She's a hellbound atheist with a nose ring too and she says to the dad She's like well, it's not like she's hurting anyone and I just started writing down all of the various harms of religious zealotry in my notes as we carry on. It's not like she's hurting anyone 30 seconds after the kid talks about hearing about heads-on spikes.

Yeah, not like she's hurting anyone except this family's falling apart. As this is by the fact I'm yelling at my father in the driveway because he's going to work Except for the fact that we're having a screaming fight about your abandonment of her neurosis since like hot Gonna be here, but I'm not though. It's just fine. Yeah Physically hurting anyone anymore Any more No, we're gonna save that forgot who's about to kill babies, but yet. I'm getting ahead of ourselves. First we have to switch over to the GNN studios where Buck Williams works. Sounds like a real place. Yeah. Yeah. So then he he deep throat meeting someone Which is basically, you know, he's getting a call from his informant, but his informant is fucking crazy

his informant, but his informant is fucking crazy. And he's like, he's like your crazy uncle who had a bad divorce and now only talks about 9-11 and the reptilians crazy. Right. And they meet each other with a hug, which I gotta tell you, your deep throat-esque informant, you do not meet him with a hug. Generally speaking, no. That's not a good sign. But he's right. In the universe of this movie, this character who is being played as though

he's crazy and acting as though he's crazy is a reliable source of information. That's the universe this movie in habits. The guy who's like, man, they're going to get you. The whole government centers together and I keep a disk in my watch and I put it slowly up my butt that way they can't find it. You're just like, oh, okay. This is our source of information. He's our foreshadowing. Yes.

At which point we also learn, this is amazing. We learn that the Jewish man's name for the beginning of the movie is Hayam Rosenswag, which is the probably, I mean, it's not the most anti-Semitic thing I've ever heard, but it's up there that they were just like what's a Jewish name all right everyone throw it out high and rose and swag good done moving on his name's high and rose and swag if there was a Jewish version of black exploitation that would be every character's name right hey there it's me, I am Rosenstack. Rosenstack? Hahaha. Schmullemite, yeah.

So then we cut to the TV show and now we have seen this character twice now. There is a character, a female character who's like his tech girl on the go something who has something on her fucking forehead. And that's why she's not going to get raptured because she is a weird thing on her forehead that nobody fucking acknowledges in this movie and I literally pause the movie got my fiancee and was like there's something on that girl's forehead right because I was like it's me you know I watched all of War Room and I was just like maybe I do they're just halfway through I was just like I just it's something snapped in the wrong place and now every third person I just look has a spiral on her forehead never gets acknowledged in the entire fucking field It's not subtle either if this is supposed to be like because I was like oh it's supposed to be the mark of the piece like later

She's gonna turn out to be a trader. Nope at least not in this fucking movie. She's not so and so if it's supposed to be subtle If it's supposed to be foreshadowing for something later on it's not that if I met this girl the first thing I would say it would be like oh hi my name is like what the fuck is going on with your forehead we're gonna dress that right yes it's kind of like a little henna tattoo she's got going on there it's not little at all it's it's like this bigger than her eyes and it yeah and they just act like you know yeah people have shit on their head like that. It's New York. They're all safe Reality is you wouldn't have to ask her what is that thing on your head?

She has it on her head because she wants to tell you what it is like that kind of thing It's like that I put this on my head so that every conversation I have with someone who begins with oh this Conversation I have with someone who begins with oh this My magical spiral cane and my tattoo Let me tell you all about my This thing on my border and why I have it and what it means to me Oh, it's my spirit. I That's rough. We've all been on that date We've all been on that day we've all been on that date

oh this and you're just like all check that's your whole thing that's your affective interest that's all of you the necessity of talking about you wasn't coming quickly enough so you burn something into your face i just found that a lot of conversations didn't begin with what is that and it wasn't about me and i just like just sniped it in the butt

sniped it in the butt now i should mention to that this scene when they're in the uh... new studio to his also where we suddenly foreshadowed the uh... the antichrist and and that's how subtle it is is that we have no idea at this point that this guy is the antichrist except we know point that this guy is the anti-Christ except we know exactly that this guy is going to be the anti-Christ because he's got a European accent yep that's why he didn't get raptured because he sounds vaguely German oh god the actor I'd like to point out is from van koover so they couldn't get real Europeans understood they're tough they're

hard to come by he also looks uncomfortably like Vladimir Putin. Yes Like I and in watching this movie I was like, ah guys, Putin's pretty crazy Like I would not make him the bad guy of a movie. I would just steer clear because I if you were like Oh, Putin killed all three producers of this movie with his bare hands I'd be like yeah, don't do that. That's your own fault He's one of our crazies leave him and Kim Jong-un alone like they've got their own thing going on When you make up a villain give him a scar so that everyone knows it's not about me This guy kind of look like Putin fucked at osamandias for watchmen. Yeah, yeah, or maybe maybe a young Putin

Maybe that's exactly he looked like a young he looked like Putin's gay brother Just like no, Vlad are you wrestling people again with your own man-up, Mesh-al-Art? I can't be ever just go shopping, Vlad. It's just go shopping. You feel so much better. Did you poison that reporter? I know you did. Sandy, what do we say about using eye messages? I'll tweet something mean at him. Hey, looking kind of bald. The character's name is Nikolai Carpathia. I immediately knew he was a bad guy. And I'm pretty sure he is the great, great ancestor of Vigo, the Carpathian from Ghostbusters 2.

Oh, interesting. Although they're on the same timeline, so maybe they're the same person? Could be. Could be. Oh. That actually would make this movie better. Wow. Wow. So maybe they're the same person could be could be oh That actually would make this movie better. Wow wow a throw from Ghostbusters 2 would have made this movie better That's amazing exactly. It's all it's all in the same universe Jews and Muslims living together mass hysteria. Yeah, no good So at this point we realized they're they're watching the video of the night who said knee or the you chose poorly and he was speaking ancient air make

but somehow Kirk Cameron understood it great right but now done right yeah right he's a parcel to our back to our explain right he's a parcel to our parcel to we learn in this one that's cool interesting later on in the movie there's going to be something with Jewish symbols on it. He needs a whisper, get a pascalist fang and stab Vladimir Putin in the chest. Hahaha. All the other kids at the news reporter are going to be like, only bad reporter.

Speaky bro. Hahaha. Hahaha. Oh, such a better movie. So then we cut to London where we see evil men plotting world peace in the most confusing scene ever because they're plotting world peace. The words coming out of their faces are a plot for world peace peace but the tone is that of nefarious evil they're like super sisters we'll get all of the seeds and then we'll feed the world and they're like evil banters like they're talking about they're talking about often some guy you know and and the line is his will have to take it, you know, have to get rid of his pension, his health benefits, his

barking space, you'll have to forfeit his 401k. The will offer a really nice severance package. And can you can you write a good letter of wreck for him? Because I want the line of his feet. Thanks. I guess we'll have to put his job on monster.com. Maybe take out an ad in Forbes Magazine. By the way, they're plotting in that room, they're plotting in that room, and I am entirely on their side. Whatever they want to do, they kill a crazy reporter guy.

But if that results in the entire world being fed and 30,000 children a year no longer starving to death I'm for it I will trade crazy method reporter I was sitting there and I was being like well I mean I don't approve of their methods but honestly if it was put to a vote they were like yeah we got a kill method reporter but we'll end world hunger I'd be like yes sorry method reporter, but we'll end world hunger. I'd be like, yes, sorry method reporter You got voted off the island, bro Take one for the team And at which point we have the fantastic line. He found it hard to give up his meddling ways

This is the level of dialogue we have in this movie. Yeah, yeah And there's some fingers steepling some sinister fingers steepling that goes with that he found it hard Perhaps we should help him out. Can we I think we form a support group from Nettlers? We can have an intervention. Whoa. Let's just talk about this calmly, but first, evil. Ha ha ha. Yeah, so this is when he sort of, now we cut to the plane.

Yeah, we do. Right. Now, I want to point out very quickly to both Devon and Heath after seeing this. If you had a thought in your mind during this plane scene, holy shit, if they could just take this one scene and make that into an entire movie, don't worry that movie is out there for you and it has Nick Cage. Yes, this one scene contains virtually everything from the Nick Cage movie. Yes, one scene, but it lacks several things that the Nick Cage movie had. For instance, Superhorry Stewardess. Right. And the movie that I want to get made, by the way, Pat and Pending.

Mentioned in a Muslim, it's an HBO miniseries. It's great. It comes out next year. After season two of True Detective was so disappointing. I got a nice big contract on it. Matthew McConaughey plays the Muslim. Woody Harrel someplace the Midget. It's really good guys. Check it out. Now I don't know if you guys noticed this but at one point they're just like panning around the passengers and there's a guy who is like holding a pillow and like he looks right at the camera like he just got caught doing something. He's the passengers and there's a guy who is holding a pillow and he looks right at the camera, like he just got caught doing something and he's clearly hiding his owner with this pillow.

Yes, like 100% he's just like, gggg, look at him. There's a great moment, the very first thing that happens is that stewardess is walking up and down the plane and there's a woman with a, first of all, this plane is filled with children. Oh, we're in a school gym. There are seven children for every adult on this plane at least according to this first shot and the stuartus is walking down the

plane and this woman is holding a baby which starts to cry and she hands her pillow and in my head I just wanted to 80 hour over a line like here's the pillow to smother your baby. That gets to be too much for you. Just turning that over passengers, it's time to end this child's life. And that's why she doesn't get raptured. Because she wants to smother babies. It's giving out smother pillows. And again, the names in this movie,

all of the names in this movie, and I know I've mentioned that before, all the names in this movie are like someone making something up because they need a name really quickly. quickly just like oh, so you're the pilot. What's your name? Brayford Rayford steel shark shark man fight dance blades cracking Blades cracking hold fire Are you just saying scary words? Fireman's scrapch-call. Like he's trying to intimidate the devil. Well I mean let's not

get near Rayford Brans to here because you know he'll fuck us up. None of those are even real names. It's like someone took paves of real names and just smashed them together. That guy's a fucking crazy person. People away from him. So then everyone gets raptured. Here comes the rapture. We've waited long enough folks and we know this because in an old lady wakes up, notices her husband is not in the plain seat next to him and assumes he's disappeared. Yeah, assumes she's just her first thought as he's been raptured. Yeah, which everyone on this plane freaks out way too fast Except for this old lady. No, she's pretty calm because she knows she's gonna die soon

Yeah, everybody else everybody else is like for wreaking out like I Am not apparent and I imagine that if I looked over and my child was not where my child was I would be nervous, but I found in a plane Like I'm gonna go like, well, how far could my child really be? Like closed environment. There's just not, there's not, I'm in a steel tube in the sky. I'm not super worried. I'm not sad that they've been kidnapped. Like, exactly.

Which one of you kidnapped my baby? There's a kid wearing different clothes and his teeth. like Exactly which one of you kidnapped my baby Wearing different rounds in my hundreds of witnesses who have nothing to do But look around and witness things Surely I'll be able to find my child, but I know everyone immediately Like goes full berserk one guy tries to jump out of the plane Exactly, I know where they are. They're out there in the sky. So now of course we do also have to see what's going on on the ground. So we cut from the plane to Chloe, Rayford's daughter with the other realistic name in the movie. And she's in the middle of

leaving the worst voicemail ever. She's on the phone with her mom and she's like, hey mom, sorry, I couldn't make it to the thing with the thing. And she comes across a car accident and then she just screams and screeches the tires and hangs up the phone and I'm like, what a bitch message to leave on mom's voicemail, right? Yeah, exactly. Not just to be like, oh mom, one second, I gotta get off the phone. Or to call back and be like, don't worry, I'm fine. All the cars in the world crashed. And again, this is something that occurred to me again through this like, through watching right all the cars in the antichrist is giving a price 142 people vanish that would be like one out of every 800 cars

No right the number of people got raptured on that fucking plane. That's insanity It's right like all the good people were there Holy people in the god damn I mean that's not even all the kids though that's not even close it's not even close to all the christians like two billion christians at the right right so that's not even all the Christian kids got raptured so a realistic version of that scene would have just been heard driving along and being like fucking traffic drunk drunken

hey mom sorry I didn't make the oh one second. Oh, someone left their car by the side of the road weird. All right, anyways A realistic left behind where only 0.001% of the population goes missing Everyone else just goes about their day. Nobody knows Steve the crazy Christian guy. No. Well, he disappeared Oh, weird. He probably like went to go do a religious camp or something like they have camps but he knows the crazy christian guy no well he disappeared oh weird he probably like went to go do a religious camp or something like they have camps they have camps but instead everyone vanishes and it's just a bloody fucking mess everyone except for her has a head wound yeah virtually everyone in this scene is walking around nobody just scratched their arm or anything everybody's got a head wound

and of course as soon as she gets out to just wander aimlessly Somebody steals her car because now that only the evil people are left nobody's key of sport is safe Right exactly. Oh my god. No know that the godly or no longer of mothers I can take this Honda cord for myself Come to me you sweet Toyota Camry. What is this, a 93, 94? Oh, this is going in daddy's collection. And she runs into the mother who's missing her baby

and then goes to look in the car as if the mother hasn't thought maybe the baby's in the car somewhere. Maybe he's. Did you check it right now? I wanted it so badly to just be back there. Yeah. It's right.

You're talking off your's right here. Oh I'm sorry. I just whenever I can't see and might start screaming and I have no object Cormonance My head I just forget they exist. Oh I was blinking never mind never mind guys. I was just Why do you drive a car never mind? I was just blanking. Why do you drive a car? Never mind. I'm in a So then we jump back to the plane where we're basically the conversation goes like this the pilot says I have a sane idea and everyone else on the plane is like I will eat the eyes out of your skull

He's basically like why don't we just sit down and we'll look for all the people who are missing at which point everyone's like no Let's rush the cabin cuz we'll all fly the plane together Right no, it's easier to find people if you're all screaming and running in circles. Yes exactly exactly as we learn over and over again And every cutscene from this point on right, so then he turns on the oxygen to put everyone to sleep Which I don't know. He, this is a thing that happens in both the movies. So is this a thing on plans? There's a put sense. I was actually impressed by by logic of I think you dropped the arson mass and everyone's

like, well, I have a thing to do now. Like I have to put this on or else I might die. So everyone goes and puts action mass on. But does the oxygen mass put you to sleep? No, I think it's just like it just gives them something to do and makes them sit like you can't like walk around One of those things. It's tethered but then everyone falls asleep Well, maybe it's been a very hard day Eli. It's been a tough day for them But you know that I honestly did think at that moment

I was like oh well that that's kind of clever because they did the same thing and the other movie only stupid Like Nick Cage actually took all the air out of it to knock everybody unconscious or whatever in the other movie But I actually thought that was a kind of clever moment and that's when I realized The people who made the Nick Cage movie watched this whole thing and they were like you know what that was the only clever moment in the home movie Let's make a whole movie about that. That's how that other movie came to be What would you say the peak of the left behind the movie was? I don't know when everyone sits down in briefs. Yeah.

That deserves its own film. Can we get Nick Cange? Yes, we can. Yes, we can. You haven't called anyone. Just trust me. We can't. The other day I filmed my daughter's ballet recital

and Nick wandered out onstage. Try everybody to me. You have to give me money now. Everyone line up at the back, quarters, Nick girls, pennies, anything you get spared. Just throw it in the sock. Who here saw Wickerband? So they land the plane.

Well, first you declare as loudly to his co-pilot. We're turning back Like yeah, no sure half of your like like half of the plane has disappeared like you yet You don't just get you on Keep going. I'm like we forgot the coffee or something you have the plane vanished. Come on man. Be a team player These people got to get to Heathrow. Come on now. So they end up at the airport. And the airport, again, because the airport has martial law, like there are soldiers everywhere, people are screaming

and riding. Listen, I've been on JFK out of weekends, so it's fairly accurate whether or not there's been an apocalypse but generally speaking people don't start like street brawling in the airport because of canceled flights which is what you see in this movie and also there's a great shot this is there's something that this movie did

that really bummed me out i didn't care about the dead babies of the dead people but there were a lot of abandoned pets in this movie which is a direct conflict with the film all dogs go to heaven uh... pre sure all dogs get raptured yeah yeah there's a big theological inconsistency in this movie and that's it right there the third sequel to all gods go to heaven is all dogs get raptured and let me tell you it is not for kids ha ha ha ha ha ha. When the rape lizards come out later on in that movie, it's just weird. It's a weird moment.

Disney was going through a rough time. Yeah. Cancer would reach his brain. So yeah, there's parents sleeping on their empty baby characters waiting for the baby. Like maybe if we just hang out here, he'll come back. This is where he saw a slas. He can't lift his head, but I'm sure he just wandered off. What?

He probably went to Ant Annie's to get one of those new cinnamon pretzels. You know, he can just roll, so he may have just rolled away. Right. And then this is the point where the antichrist comes forward and proposes nothing but calm and sanity and peace and care for each other what i have to when i wrote i wrote man the antichrist really has some great ideas if they're trying to point this movie was to turn me against the antichrist

they did a bad job this antichrist the entire time is much more likable than all of the characters I'm supposed to be rooting for because he wants world priests to feed the hungry. The best world leaders I've ever heard. Right, like every Christian movie seems to do that. The devil is always my favorite character. I think in the war room, the devil is my favorite character. And miracle man, the devil is my favorite character. If they put the devil, I mean, I didn't like anybody and no greater love but if the devil had been there I would

like him. Yeah exactly the devil probably would have told him been like hey man you know you can't get back together with her that's not a healthy thing right. Right. You're going to take take some time for you take some time for you all right. Let's go to David Buster's come on I got one of those power cards. South off Wednesdays let's do it. So then he he those power cards. So far for Wednesdays. Let's do it So then he he goes up to the pilot and he's like hey man Remember we were on the same plane walk me through emergency exit behind security zones, which indeed he does

Yeah, sure why not? And and not only that but let me drive to your home with you and hang out with you now because for buddies Because we're buddies because we were on that same plane where all the people disappeared. Do you guys make profound connections with every pilot on every plane you're been on? I got like 40 pilot friends. I just take you home to beat their daughters afterwards. I just afterwards I'm just like hey thanks for getting me here safe buddy. And then we hang out. When I help save your life I want to fuck you daughter now. Let's go do that.

Can I come sleep in your home without telling anybody? The the doucheous thing in this entire movie is Chloe comes home and so I get the pilot guy whatever whatever superhero name he has. He apparently like takes off his blazer and like leaves it on the porch. Yeah, right? There is a huge cultural shift now you cannot leave clothes on the floor in this world anymore That is like the worst thing you can do to people so like Chloe comes home picks it up and like immediately assumes well My dad's gone too, I guess Because I was only wearing a blazer

Dad was not having a good time of it. We're was having a good time of it when he disappeared But like if you if you walked into my bedroom right now, you'd think that like 40 people got rapture Man, Devon was having a party and then everyone got rapture. But most of them were just wearing very dirty underwear. So yeah, now we get to the actual 40 minutes of him in the bedroom crying that we were alluding to before when he comes home and realizes that his wife is gone. And of course, he like gets angry and he throws the Bible at the mirror because that's clever. But by the way, this is my theory on the throwing the Bible at the mirror

thing. They shoot it with the camera facing right at the mirror. So Ray, Rayford Steel becomes left-handed. Who else is left- Satan exactly also for it's to yeah yeah also what happens when you break a mirror seven years bad luck oh shit that's coming up you know doesn't burn that hot it's all click in for me now now I want to point out though that like his so his he starts reading the Bible at this point after he breaks the mirror with it so his solution when there's all these pressing problems, your family is missing and everything is to look through the densest, longest, least comprehensible book on the fucking planet. Maybe there's something

in here. Right. And this is a theme of Christian movies is that no, yeah, that everyone goes through the Bible. Like they're like, hmm, I need guidance and they open up the Bible and they're just like, oh, there's some good advice. I challenge anyone to open up the Bible. And unless you accidentally find Ecclesiastes, you will find anything remotely resembling advice.

It'll just be like, and then he went forth to the blackenites and they fought the black night and then rape murder rape rape said the good guy. There's no way he opened the book and was like right. There we go. He goes, he opens it to the first page. She goes in the beginning and then he goes a little late for that. And the fuck up ahead. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Like if you're gonna, if you're gonna, if you're gonna read the whole book, like, read the whole god damn book, don't just- Fucking spoiler, learn. Don't just jump that head. Don't just jump to when they all stab John Snow. No. No.

No. Someone out there is so mad at me. I know, just look all the fuck you! Are you right? Are you going to 18 one star reviews? No worries, worries probably gonna come back because so many people have come back So don't worry, right? I was gonna say if you managed to miss that on social I didn't even watch that fucking movie and I knew he got so you know like I look I want it's also I want to point out one thing he goes he thinks his son is in his bed because there's a teddy bear under the cover

Which means he thought his son was the size of a teddy bear not What's a 10-year-old is still sleeping with a giant teddy bear like that? I have a giant the same one that goes to bivore school learns about heads on spikes. That was a fucked up little kid Glad he's gone. I also want to point this out too. There's a scene before Chloe gets home where Kurt Cameron standing out on the lawn trying to make phone calls or whatever. And the military that's patrolling all of suburbia now is driving down the road and they're warning everybody that a curfews in effect.

And they actually say curfew violators will be shot on site. That's how bad it's gotten now. You can't have that policy. Seems like overkill to me. got on site. That's how bad it's gotten that. You can't have that policy. Seems like, seems like overkill to me. Yeah, just questions in the morning, the streets just littered with dead bodies. Right. Sorry guys, you're not emphasize enough guys. It's her few shot on site. We've had way too many people die, so we're going to kill as many more. We have a feeling we hurt something about a thief in the night so we've been shot in the night although it is

America so it would just all be black bodies some black guy next to them is walking his daughter to the hospital and they're like we said everyone who was there for the curfew what about them them? Oh, no, they're, they're, they're on our side. What? Not only do they say all citizens will be shot on site, but then Kirk Cameron immediately walks out after the curfew. Yeah, and they're like, well, I mean, except for Kirk, I wanted them to come over left except for Kirk Cameron. He's fine. Everybody after this guy will be shot outside. It's starting now though.

You guys get worth. I left the house at the same time as him. Do I get shot? You're fine. No. But that's it. We mean it. And again, more abandoned dogs. I feel like that was this movie was like, well, you know what?

All of our characters are super unlikable and people aren't really gonna connect with the whole everyone in the world dying thing so we should show sad puppies. It was Sarah McGlock in technique for Christianity. In the arms of the angels literally like literally the the song means different things now and then we go back to uh... evil headquarters there so that we can learn it nobody with european accents got raptured right exactly at which point at not only did they not get raptured but it didn't

affect their plans at all he comes in his like hey man now that everyone's been raptured does that change our plan is like not not at all we use this to our advantage he says he says no our operatives are still in place what operatives they have a team of atheist spy assassins doing like secular humanitarian aid giving out things that feed in the world. Feeding the world the most evil plan of all don't you see now people won't die hungry. Terrible bond movie bunch of evil henchmen from doctors without borders yelling at Sean Connery to stop skiing away from our flying snowbeams we're just trying to give you this aid money. Just stop Just let us give you the spoon. Never give me already age So then buck is sleeping on the couch and Chloe Holds him up with a vase. Yeah, she just grabs a vase and she's like I've got it at which point I wrote in my notes guns don't kill people

Vases I wrote down if Buck Williams was black this movie is over right now released his character arc is Yeah, he looks up from his sleep to see someone screaming at him with a vase and he goes are you gonna brain me with that vase? Pretty dense fucking question, and he go me man He goes how's your dad to which she should have responded. Oh, he's naked in watching home movies of his dead wife and son Not okay, okay, he's not doing okay Which I it's weird at this moment, I don't know why, but the first left behind movie,

you know, because they didn't use the word dead in the first left behind movie, but they use it a lot in this movie. And it really hit home for me like, what a weird fucking mythology that like, those people are all dead. Yeah, like the baby and the mom are they're not just because in my head They were just zapped up to heaven, but they're they're dead

So it's just this weird moment of real reality and empathy with these characters where I was like fuck they're dead Right, so that's actually my favorite thing about this movie is that it forces you to look at Christian mythology and say okay okay guys, if you're right, this is real. So like first of all, shut up about the apocalypse until all the airplanes start getting shut down by magical god brimstone over Israel. But secondly, your hero, your guy is gonna start to soft

by killing all the good people and the babies. Right, yeah, exactly. That's the first, the good guy from this movie. The bad guys from this movie want to feed all the good people in the babies right yeah exactly that's the first the good guy from this move the band guys from this movie want to feed all the people that are left on the planet and the good guys from this movie want to root for the evil demon that stole and murdered all the good people and left all the dogs abandoned an orphan exactly so then we cut to Chloe who's just chilling at the abandoned school the way you do yeah I like, just like you can't leave your clothes on the ground anymore.

Like, you also can't like hide somewhere and not tell anybody where you are. Right. It's just like what did you move to do? Yeah. And then find it somehow. She, she justifies it by saying like she like was checking to see if they were just hiding at the school So they're like the biggest assholes ever

Mom and the son pop out gotcha I bet you went crazy took your shirt off and read the entire bible didn't you? Now it does you laughed at me for being religious You laughed at me for being religious. And this is when she also takes a moment to guilt trip her dad. She's like, she was happiest when you were home. And I wrote in my notes, not the time, bro. Not the time. Yeah.

So by the way, at this point, Rayvard Blampflark, you can change out of your pilot costume. Yeah. Right. One of those guys who's a doctor who wears a death scope and is like, are you on your way to work? No, I just want people to know I'm a doctor. You can just wear a nice button down in some slacks. So we get to the house where the crazy conspiracy guy was and he's dead.

Derk has a nice place though. Like Derk places. Oh, yeah Yeah, he really nice like it's cluttered But like not even that badly cluttered and like it's got multiple floors like this is like a several million dollar condo Yeah, exactly you feel like he comes from old money like he was grandfathered in maybe rent controlled. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I find that much space in New York City. Yeah, so then he takes his super futuristic computer watch DVD whatever yeah So now I saw the secrets in the plans and stuff right excited which then then

Apparently that sniper has just been sitting there waiting for days for someone to go see if Doug was dead What work is instructions? Alright, so you kill dirt and then you wait there literally forever. If anyone discovers the body. Whatever you do, don't burn down the building. That's too easy. Just wait there and snipe through the most... You think you would have found a better spot than the alley next door? I want to know about that guy's just waiting for Kurt Cameron to show up

you know what he was walking by getting groceries and you just saw Kurt Cameron pull in was like fuck I probably got to do something about this I got to shoot that guy I got to shoot that guy do I even have a gun I do I do oh good good to my girlfriend compartment quick get it but he doesn't shoot him though he like holds the gun on a menacingly even

when he stands in front of the window for a second but he doesn't quite shoot because there's not enough suspense yet and instead he shoots the computer yeah which they left on he can just wipe the computer whatever ever and besides that like okay he's like like he's gonna shoot Kirk and then Kirk wanders to where he can't shoot him And then he starts looking at the computer and he's like oh fuck I better shoot that computer now So he doesn't read anything off the computer. You're gonna kill him if you're gonna shoot the guy

He can read all of the secret plans now. You're gonna fucking kill him. Yeah, go ahead and let him read it to him You're going to miss this Yeah, this this guy basically learned how to be an assassin from playing the MetaGear Solid Games where you shoot one guy and just wait for the other troops to come by and find a shoot that guy and wait for the troops to just a pile of ever-increasing bobbings until the entire world's population is just stuffed into that New York brownstone with him standing outside. I don't enough space.

Beautiful apartment. Beautiful apartment, lovely. Do we know if that's open? Because we've been thinking our leases up next year. And I just want to... I mean, we can investigate it. Previous owner murdered by Antichrist. This is what happens when you talk to New Yorkers.

Yes. What's the rent on that, you think? All right, so now we go to the empty church where Theo from Die Hard is screaming Jesus. Right, the black guy and the cross are having an ugly breakup. Like when you're at a party and all of a sudden people start to have a screaming breakup and you're like, oh, we should go no, no, no, don't you move. I want them to see this. I love them to see. Oh, I think you and the cross should sort of be alone No, no, you tell your side of the story. Yeah, Eli you get this you get this it is shocking to me that the church is empty that the rapture

Can't boost church attendance Right, I'm not gonna lie to you guys if there if the rapture happened right now There's like four churches on my block and I am going to all of them If everyone disappears and it's the rapture like I'm gonna get good with God. I feel like that's a good move Yeah, well apparently not cuz everyone tries that shit, and it does not work They're still left behind. Yeah, then he asked for one more chance like easier buddy who's gonna drunk text his ex Yeah, he's like no, they're giving my my phone. I just wanna ask what went wrong. I just wanna, I just, I just wanna ask what went wrong.

I think it'd been funny if God had given him another chance and just raptured him right there. Soup. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Credits. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, so then they take a prayer break. And we're back in New York with four-head girl,

which, he, she's scrimed someone trying to kill him and it's hilarious everyone's like And of course this is where we learn why the forehead girl got left behind because they're lesbians Her and the other girl were lesbians. Oh is that said? Or are we just I'm assuming yeah, oh yeah, I just assumed that's why I furiously started jerking off Every time they were on screen, but I I do that every time there's two head thing would come on It would just kind of throw me off I'd get to stare and at that So and this of course is also where we get them Looking at the plans right and the hacking where someone's hands just randomly slap at the keyboard and all the sudden

Just typing letters that it doesn't do anything from this screen. You can't that's not so then we go back to the UN Conspiracy, right? There's a there now there at the UN where again this sturdist now has a job fairly high up in the UN What she did before and the guy her this job at the UN, handed out peanuts. That's the hell of a phone call, it's all I'm saying. But so basically they're trying to convince the Jewish guy to let the UN feed the world. And he's refusing because his enemies might use it.

What is that? What could your enemies do with the food? Listen, I know, I know Jews are a little suspicious and let's be honest, historically with good reason, but I think the technology to feed the world is something that we can count not to fall into the wrong hands. Yeah, exactly. How could you make that? Exactly look at those well fed Palestinians my god I'm greatest nightmares come true Look at them. They're a little bit chubby. They're not even they're a little bit chubby Nothing you just start doing cardio twice a week my nightmare

So then we cut back to and again this family none of the scenes that we get with Ranford cramps necked and Chloe Make any sense for the rest of this fun they don't do anything or say anything and that matters no I also think the secret atheist writer snuck in here to get the whole aren't you just using God as a crutch I wrote that down and his answer of course is yes yes I am yes I am yes is there something wrong with that my wife and son are dead. I'm going to you, I'm going to lean on this crutch so hard.

It'll dig a hole in the goddamn floor. Did you have a question about that? Or were you just curious? I also love that the that the pastor that did get raptured left a like a break in case of rapture VHS. Yeah. I wonder if he had a series of videos like this is in case I'm caught choking a hooker but she gets a knife out of the last moment all right now if you go to video 472-b that's if I slip on the kitchen tiles and I

catch my neck on the cook of the chair and I shit myself That's no good. It's like a choosierone adventure, but for how this guy died So then we cut to the UN Where their evil plan appears to be again getting rid of all the nukes and feeding the hungry Well, this is where we get the ridiculous line where he comes out and he says, we figured out what happened to all the children

and the people who disappeared, the radiation. And everybody goes, oh! And don't add follow-up questions, they go, oh right, radiation. The radiation caused everyone to disappear out of their clothes. And look, it's not like this is a world that doesn't think dumb religious thing.

First, I mean, I like it. Okay, so a bunch of exact shit from the Bible happens and the people that are left are just hunting for the secular Explodation. I'm sorry. Have you met humans? Right. Yeah, exactly. I just want to point out hundreds of people in Spain face the wrong way for the sunset and thought it was a miracle. This is not a planet where people don't assume God first, okay? They were just like, wait, that way is Eish, right? It's a miracle! No one had a compass? This is not a planet where everyone's like, well, I don't know, it's probably some scientific explanation first.

probably some scientific explanation first. No, if an ad was to land in 99% of America's house, we think it's a ghost. A book can't fall off a shelf in this planet without being like, great, there's an afterlife and someone's crossed through to the other side to leave me a message. But apparently in this movie, when everyone vanishes word for word according to the Bible of Apocalypse, everyone's like, no way, way, way, let's think critically about this. What does Dawkins say? Now, I have to admit that it is a challenge to keep the stakes high in a movie where all of the babies on Earth die before the end of Act 1.

But damn, and if I'm not on the edge of my seat, but just in case you're not, I'm going to give act three the hard sell before we come back to polish it off. Will anyone in this movie ever work again? Will God get what's coming to him for all the baby murder? Find out the answer to these questions and we return for the pathetically unsatisfying conclusion of left behind. The movie. Hello and welcome back to GNN's political roundup. My guest today is Senator Ian Cranti-Ticed, the charismatic politician who has taken America by storm over the last year. Senator, thank you for joining me today. Thanks for having me on, Darren. Now, Senator, when the entire Congress and Senate disappeared in the ramp, you became sort of a rallying

point for Americans getting back on their feet. Can you tell me a little about that? Well, you know, I saw a hole that needed filling and i feel that i think you're being a little modest your biopartisan policies and common sense initiatives have made you one of the most popular senators in history and political polling shows you as one of the most promising candidates for president in the last fifty years how do you feel about that honestly i'm just honored you know the american people're hard to knock down. But when they do get knocked down, they get up, they dust off, and they come back stronger than before.

Very. Put this country's about. Now, obviously your opponent, Jesus Christ, has a lot of supporters worried, what do you think? Can you beat the son of God and a race for our nation's highest office? Well listen, I think Jesus is a fantastic candidate and I'm honestly honored to run against him.

But the truth is, I think he's a little out of touch with what people want right now. And I think this race is gonna give the American people a chance to make a choice about moving forward into the future or being trapped in the past. Agreed. Agreed. Very good point. Now, can you speak to the accusations that some of level that you are the biblical antichrist? Well, honestly, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard those rumors and of course they're just silly. I mean, it's right to be just so much schoolyard

name-calling. Make fun of someone's name like that the Krantiteists came over on the Mayflower. I think it's just a little below the level of political discourse to be name calling and you know accusing the other candidate being the Morningstar the bright risen one to pass the world in a thousand years of war and fire. That's extreme. So true. Great job saying above the fray there. Well,

thank you very much for joining me tonight, Senator. Coming up next, our penis demon is the new black. Rory Frenchry says yes. Okay, great. Now that we're all settled in, I want to thank everyone and welcome you all officially to the first campaign meeting for the official candidacy of Jesus Christ 2037. We're now doing it on odd years apparently. Okay, I thought I would start off with a few little things. First of all, thank you to Karen for bringing the amazing muffins. I'm grateful, but I think my thighs are gonna hate you later. Just getting care. Also, please make sure to rinse out your mugs and your cups when you're done with them and put

them back in the dish strainer. The building's been having a problem with this, you know, the demon mirror ants and nobody wants to have their loved ones tricked into an agonizing death with the sound of their voice. So make sure and wash it before you put it in the dish strainer. I'm looking at you, Josh. My wife thought my kids were outside. Okay.

Well, moving on, I think this first meeting should really just be a brainstorm on something important. What is our hashtag? How about he is risen? Yeah, I like it, but it's a little retro and it also carries a lot of the juju of the you know what. Right? Now, we're looking for something hip something fun I'm sorry can I interrupt of course mr. Christ Jesus is fine I hate to be a broken record but why are we not mentioning the rapture again okay so again I sent this out from last week's meeting but we have to remember that none of the current voting base

Got brought up to heaven. So while we'd like people to see this as a positive. It's pulling very badly But I brought millions of the righteous up to heaven. Yes, yes, you did and our constituents know and love that But you didn't bring anyone currently on this planet and that's gonna be a downside. Didn't bring anyone in this room either. Josh, you touch your nephew. One time, one time! Okay, okay, why don't we take five and just come back at this hashtag idea in a minute when everybody's a little more calm down. And we're back when last we saw our hero, he was staring into a fireball meant for

him and slowly realizing that he was actually playing second fiddle to Alan Thick for all those years. And because for no fucking reason, he then goes back to Ray and Chloe's house. Where he's getting his leg bandated by some woman who works at a church, not a doctor, just a lady who works at a church Yeah, I'm not quite sure why like they were like there's a hospital at the church Yeah, but there's also a hospital at the hospital There's this better. Yeah for sure definitely You know probably all the doctors and shit got raptured and all the assholes that work at the church hospital are still here for some

Doc there's in babies all the people who dealt with actually helping people, they went to heaven. I wrote in my notes, this is like the Da Vinci code, but all of it's the Bible, so it's super boring and obvious. Well, and this is like the opening for Act 3, and they say, okay, so how can we really build attention? I know, let's have them all do Bible study together. Right, because their plan seems to be, because they keep gathering these people in Chicago, they're

like, all right, we gotta get a group together. And their plan seems to be to pray. I mean, that's kind of fair though, right? Like, I don't understand why if you're like, this is the rapture and this is the end of days, just don't do anything. If this is what you believe that this is all going to happen, it's what's supposed to happen. Stop trying to do stuff about it. Just let it go. Well, see, but that's clearly what all the religious people think. The problem

is is that Buck hasn't found Jesus yet, so he still thinks he can stop God. As a matter of fact, this is another great spot where the secret atheist rewrites come in because after they start explaining, oh, well, in a Z-Geele 22-13, it says this, and Kirk Cameron's character says, well, how can you possibly make predictions based on those vague-ass ramblings that you find in the Bible? And of course, nobody answers that question, though. And then they throw a fucking smoke bomb and go hide behind a pea right? Well, couldn't that really be applied to any kind of war situation in the Middle East is a really war to in place

yeah but jingley case and as he's walking out the reverence says you can feel the lord tugging at your heart buck and i just want to show bad for him to say that's not the lord that's you and that's not my heart either exactly this is also the uh... satin will bring seven years of peace to the middle east what a dick must stop

that he's gonna get that that's super confused me because i'm like why seven years why just seven years yeah that's a weird thing is they keep say keep really like like that would be I think everywhere at the UN who's you know not yet like you know totally hypnotized by this guy Why do you keep saying seven years? Why does he want it to end in seven years? Why isn't he just saying I'm gonna bring peace to it? I hope it lasts a long time Anytime over yeah like at least seven years I would hope.

Right, I would say a minimum of seven years. People would be like, oh that's good. It'd be weird if it were like I'm going to feed the world for three days. Wait, why? Why three days? I just think that's, you know, after seven years we're going to want to mix it up a little bit. Maybe a war here or there. People to get bored. There's only so many seasons of the X factor you can watch, am I right? Everyone will have gone to Comic Con by then And at this point by the way, I just want to put out that airline lady who was a stewardess at the beginning of this movie is now a Senior member of staff for the head of the US. Yes

It is it's ludicrous which would be like if tomorrow I was the head of the U.S. Yes, I think it's ridiculous. It is ludicrous. Which would be like, if tomorrow I was the secretary of state. I was like, oh, the comedian on a podcast. But then Walter Kong, Kite and Dan Savage made some really nice phone calls. I mean, great recommendations. You know what it was? I figured it out. I figured it out.

She was on a flight. And there was some world leaders on the flight. And he got out his phone and was like, we're gonna bomb somebody and he started making the call to bomb somebody and she was like, you really need to put your phone away. Please phone away, the bombing, the bombing never happened. She like single-handedly, you know, a bird at a World War III. And, and Buck was sitting next to the dictator at the time when that happened.

That's the phone call that you're ignoring it. I got it. Yeah, just like trying, but like having no authority, like you really shouldn't do that, you really shouldn't do that. And then he hit the flight attendant button. She came over and was like, sir, you guys put that away. Oh, okay, fine. No. Count down to Umageddin.

Bing. No, of course. The good news is that because she's now the senior staff member for the Antichrist, oh, I've gave that away, my bad. Oh, I'm under arrest with the podcast. I'm done. Now she's in the UN so that when Buck comes to see everybody, she can secretly fared him in so he can go see Dr. Happy Jew about the magic formula.

Yep. Yeah, and they do thank goodness. Thank goodness that she's there for that. Yeah, Yeah, and they did. Thank goodness. Thank goodness that she's there for that. Yeah, yeah. It's almost contrived. It's so fortunate. Then just when it seems like Buck won't be able to be a part of the UN meeting, everyone

has a prayer off. And there's a jock jam while everyone starts to believe in Jesus. Yeah. So like we get a joke. Jammin' down now, Jesus, gimmin' down, but now. And Buck just has a breakdown in the bathroom and starts believing in Jesus.

And again, this is such a crazy moment where he says, please forgive me to God. Because he's saying, please forgive me for living a good life and helping people, even though I didn't think you existed. That's when he's asking for forgiveness, right? Being a good person. I'm so sorry I'm not doing it

because I think a wizard wants me to. So then we cut to the UN meeting, which is, first of all, it's not only is it not the UN meeting room, it's more like the underground layer from Dr. Strangelove, which they invite not only a reporter to sit in on, but also they have invited two random businessmen to, yes. And again, to the entire, like, all of the nations of the world, he's like seven years of peace and you want one person to raise their hand and go, I'm sorry, I miss,

what happens at year seven? Did we, is this like a truce? Okay, I'm done. I don't have the speaking stick. So I also love that in this universe, the UN Secretary General can just eliminate all of national borders and create new countries. Is that in the charter? Well, he voted on and they all raised their hands. Oh, well, those ten racial stereotypes agreed then and that gets. In second, the Chinese guy wearing the rice patty hat and the French slime and the Italian guy with a hot lasagna in his hands were all like, it's me! No, we are a one country called Antichristia! Sure, why the fuck am I not?

That will go really well around the rest of the world. But if you think that we've seen the craziest of that out of this scene, you got another thing coming. We're just getting warmed up. Because now we have the fucking Kubrick-esque gun shooting in the head thing. And I want so badly to see, because there's a girl very clearly taking notes at the beginning of this meeting. If you look at the beginning of this scene, there's a girl very, I want her notes more than

anything in the world. Just like, then a secretary takes the man's gun, says you will never define me, shoots him in the head. Then he uses his mind control power, says, what a pity, what a pity, what a pity. Terribly sad, terribly sad, sad terribly sad everyone is hypnotized Your shoots also there's a reporter there and several witnesses now. He later He does a lot of also I want to point out Nikolai does a lot of touching in this scene He walks around the room. He basically Jimmy the touchy orderly from scrubs

Wandering around giving him oh how's it go just let that tension out No, I also want to point out here that okay if you're following the movie all right So so the anti-christ for reasons that we don't really get into needs to get rid of these two guys Um now he has mind control power so he can shoot him dead and then just uses mind control powers to make everybody think that they shot each other apparently But why would you do that? I mean you're in a room alone with these guys almost every other fucking time We see them in the movie like is it this the least effective way to use your mind control powers? He has an assassin like a retainer in that room the albino guy is in that room Just yeah, just fuck garot them and call it a day Right, right or if you're gonna kill them because you're the antichrist use your antichrist powers to kill them

You know like morph them together and then make them blend into a giant blades that you summon out of the earth Don't just be like all right pet there We go you like you describe he describes this thing where he's like with one guy grab the gun shot the other guy in the shot So like if you have mind control powers make them do that Don't don't you don't have to don't get your hands dirty Like you may have mind control powers, but I could still test for gunpowder residue Because there were a bunch of witnesses and they all walked out of the room going terribly sad witnesses and they all walked out of the room going terribly sad

Except for Kirk Cameron and I'm thinking that's because he prayed to Jesus right before the meeting because he's a parcel tongue Oh right, yeah, that's mine mine control doesn't work on parcel You know Harry Potter can resist the imperious curse. Yeah, it's the same thing I know exactly how more boring Potter can no, I don't I never read the Harry Potter I know where the Harry Potter was I don't I was with atheists and now reading how Harry Potter can... No, I don't. I never read the Harry Potter. I- You read the Harry Potter books? What is with atheists and not reading the Harry Potter books? I've just been laughing along at the parcel tongue joke this whole time, as though I knew what the hell we were talking about.

Devon, have you read the Harry Potter books? Yes, I have read all the Harry Potter books. They're great books. They're fantastic books. You've written a book! How can you not have read these books? I read the first one. You really want to get into this? I read the first one it doesn't come up to the third one prisoner of ask you know sorry second one chamber it's it's basically whichever book I've read of that fucking series everybody tells me the next one is where it gets good if it's gonna be good start in the fucking first one or don't expect the first one if you didn't like the first one you're not gonna like any of

them they're great okay then I'm not gonna like any of them they're great. Okay, then I'm not gonna like any of them Awesome. All right, well fine save me some time Welcome to the last episode of the Either that or I'm just gonna be a regular on the show Welcome to go off of movies with So he gets to be on the show. Oh, shit. That's the first thing we do. And before we get to this fucking movie, I've got some books I want to make sure that you

read it. I do like every guest. At this week's guest, have you read the 30 Potter books? No, I haven't. I'm sorry, you're not this week's guest that we'll try again. I did do you want to read it. Let's go to column number five and we turn into the Matt Dillahunti show we're just hanging up on people all that

you. They if they get one Harry Potter reference wrong. Yeah, I'm sorry you're out. I'm sorry it was the common Welsh green that's the type of dragon at the resident asshole. What a fuckin' idiot. Well unfortunately you're stuck with me for the rest of this show. So now we're gonna go to the, I guess, the To Be Continued monologue. Now, keep in mind, this was a movie. You know, this isn't like episode one of a TV show

on Netflix. This is a fucking movie. And the way the movie ends is the bad guy shoots two people. And now it's over. I know, like, I'm really pissed off that I feel like I have to watch the second and third one. Oh god. Just to get some closure. Just to find out if Kirk Cameron really believes or if he has another crisis of faith.

Well the question is really where can the movie go from here? Because Kirk Cameron is entirely powerless. He's got a church full of morons in Chicago who are going to use their magic thinking powers. The thing about a sequel is it sets up what your protagonist is going to do to fight it, but it's just like, he's just like, so I'm in charge of the world now I can shoot people within punty by Kirk and Kirk's just saying, if movie 2 is just Kirk walking along a highway kicking a can, that's fine. Stupid Vladimir Putin in my control powers. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy.

He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy.

He's going to be a good guy. He's going to be a good guy. world's coming to an end, might as well get, you know, might as well fuck the nose ring check. Right. Get it wet. But there's this, like this closing line that's going up, like a voiceover, where he says, our only hope is to join together and trust God. I don't have all the answers, but for now, faith is enough.

And I'm thinking to myself, yeah, cause nothing emulatorates regional conflict, like steadfast religious, zealotry, am I rightry am i right am i right at least for so i wanted that to just pan over to a shot of of Vladimir Putin just signing contracts and destroying nukes and Kirk just in his room just a back and forth shot of Kirk in his room just with his face screwed up being like get him god go get him don't seem to be working, Kirk. Unfortunately.

Now, I kind of want to close up in a different way than I normally do, though. I want to follow my mom's advice this week and try to find something nice to say about this movie. So, so, Devon, what's the nicest thing that you have to say about left behind the movie? The nicest thing I have to say about left behind the movie. The nicest thing I have to say about left behind the movie, that's the question. That is the question. That's a great way to solve it. You followed it. Followed it.

Water Great Question. You're real bombing it. Yeah, totally. I mean, I've, listen, I said it. I feel compelled to watch the next one. That's kind of an insult because I feel compelled to watch the next one. That's kind of an insult because I feel compelled to watch the next one because nothing happened in the first one.

But, I mean, I feel like if it leaves you wanting more, that's gotta be a good sign. All right, all right. You actually gave me like a real answer there. Eli, do you have anything nice to say about this one? I would say this movie, a nice that this movie is not on fire all the time. You can touch it without being burned. Yeah. Uh-huh. It never uses the N word. On screen. Maybe in the script, but you have a feeling that it got written in there.

Maybe in the script, but you have a feeling that it got written in there some maybe in the description of Theo They were like he's a oh god damn Kirk did you write that in there? Yeah, I wrote it in pencil. All right Kirk. We need you to stop writing that Jesus told me to know he didn't Kirk. Yes, he did I met this guy named Ray Making a movie together. He just, they are. And he, that he, any, any positives to take away from this one? Well, Kirk Cameron was pretty believable as Brian Williams.

I thought that was good. It was good choice. Casting wise, and I loved his hockey mallet. It was, it was delightful. He looked like he was guy for him. Kenny Powers was, and much like Brian Williams, he also was not there for things. That's anyone bunch of airplane stuff that definitely didn't happen. Yeah.

Oh, here I remember when I was there on that airplane crash explosions. I think the only the only other nice thing I have to say about this movie now that everyone did bits but me and I feel stupid Is that I you know what like I was at home watching this movie on my catch and I Didn't touch myself the entire time and that That was like a good that was a good break for me. I think my dick needed a break Even like that it first came, it was on screen no shit. Well done, so well. You know, honestly, it sucked,

it really just sucked yourself. You just didn't suck yourself. I get it, I'm not flexible enough. I've got a little bit of a tummy which prevents that, but I'm here, yeah. Sorry about that, but. You're so repressed. So on this show, I mean,

this really, if you ever wanted to, like this movie could end the like we the abortion debate could be ended if we just made every time someone was about to have sex this movie turned on you would stop like any sexual desire you have is a video that's what this is what they should show instead of abstinence only programs instead of being like a condom will break if you look at it too long they should just be like hey watch this movie and I'll be like oh my dix inside my body When's it gonna come out again who knows?

Abstinence lady away All right, so others show we typically try to avoid like thumbs up thumbs down type rating so instead of asking you that Devon I want to ask you what's the worst that Devon, I want to ask you, what's the worst venereal disease you would volunteer for rather than watch this movie again? And what's the least pleasurable way you'd be willing to catch said disease? Okay.

The disease would be syphilis, but it would be like old school syphilis. Like you start to rot, like no cure syphilis. Like to ski, you experiment syphilis. Yeah, right, right like like you are in the Russia and The fucking revolutions coming and you have syph syphilis like that's I think the kind of level it Devon calls it the syph Just the syph my good start my good friend syph We're a first syllable basis here. Yeah, where it's like they just sort of like they

give you some morphine and say hey sorry that you're gonna slowly rot to death um how would I like to contract it um I mean I'm just gonna make that noise until I come up you guys should see me on stage when I do my improv. Let me pick up the goods. Just three guys standing in a circle. It's two guys having a conversation and me moaning and think of something funny to say. I think that if I like I would I would contract I would trip into like a basin of like used needles. Oh That was worth all the uh, that was worth it. That was worth it. Yeah, listen if you give me 35 minutes I'll come back with a better one. Just call me tomorrow. I'm gonna workshop this

That's all right. I forgot to record our red anyway. We're gonna have to do this again Now he's I have the same question for you. What is the worst venario disease that you'd be willing for Devon to have rather than to watch All right, well, all right. He's already got the siff See I mean, I don't want to say full blown aids I don't want to say that But definitely HIV positive if you're okay with that Like that's fine. Oh, please that's no big deal. Look at magic. He's fine. Yeah, yeah, exactly And that's fine. Okay, I'm like an out fine. No

HIV sort of bummer And finally Eli how bad would a subway ride have to be to be worse than this movie? I Okay, so this is this movie in order for it to be worse than this movie it would have to be the G train in the middle of summer Right with a group of drunk frat boys at one end of the train Yeah, and a a set of the badge not the good showtime dancers but the bad showtime dancers the dangerous ones. Yeah exactly the ones who just stand there and slap the walls of the car and go showtime but they don't actually dance like they just stand there and scream showtime and everyone

and you're like man I hope they turn the music off that simultaneous with the smelly homeless guy who's taken up nine seats and just just I fucking you like, yeah, I'm gonna touch you. You know, I'm gonna reach across and touch you. I'm very clearly gonna touch it. That's the level of subway ride I'd have to take. You know who else you need? You know who else you need on that subway ride? The guy with the crazy air who has that binder

with mirrors on it, because he doesn't like looking at people in the eyes, I'm whenever you're looking at him in the eyes, he holds it up so. You know what I'm talking about? I have no idea. on it because he doesn't like looking at people in the eyes whenever you look at him in the eyes he holds it up so do you know that guy do you know what I'm talking about I know I do we're going to find a piece hilarious that's fucking insane this New York or that or that you know that burn guy like the guy who's like was to horribly burned in some horse

but his clothes like he has like the nicest clothes on the subway but he's still asking for money and you're kind of like guy at least play the part Exactly do it. Are you seal or maybe the if you want my body dancer guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm so glad that this podcast will be so relatable to people all over the world For down south just imagine the Christian hell. That's what we commute on. We commute on the Christian hell.

Yeah, you know how you get in your nice air-conditioned car and you listen to your podcast, you're like, ah, ah, so fun. I'm enjoying myself. I'll stop and get some guests. We're just, we're in a packed sausage tube of human desecration. And definitely the AC is not working.

No, for sure. Never, never. And there's a sign that says this is an air condition to car right above it Just to remind you that there's one here. It's just not working right exactly and then it says we're making express stops And you're like come on, but I was going just one Nope, you're going all the way to island and back now Nope, you're going all the way to the island and back now Next up All right any final thoughts before we wrap up guys. I made the mistake of going to Kirk Cameron's Twitter while watching this film. He's got some crazy. He's a he's a crazy one Huh? Oh, yes, I you know listen. I don't pay attention to Kirk Cameron like he's not he I don't think about him

And that's why he went crazy Devon no one paid attention to He was in this movie and I was like that's weird that he's in this movie and then I went to his Twitter And I was like it's not weird at all. They all this movie. It is he is playing the part that he made for himself Yep, he went full he went full Christian Good for him. Good for him. Well, David, I can't thank you enough for suffering through this with us. If our listeners are presently fearing Devon withdrawal once the episode is over, where can they go to get their fix?

Oh my goodness. There are so many places. What are they? Don't Facebook friend me because I don't know you. That's weird. But you can follow me on Twitter My Twitter is at Devon heater, which is my name But if you want to follow if you want to know more about Gus Which would be cool you can follow Gus were on Facebook at Facebook calm slash This is the end Gus we had that before the movie. This is the end came out Just so everyone knows they stole your idea gotcha catcher they stole our idea

And then you can find us on Twitter and Instagram at Gus improv awesome and of course all of that That's gonna be linked on the show notes for this episode Devon. Thanks again for joining us. No problem guys Thank you and while that does wrap up our review of left behind It doesn't wrap up the episode because before we go we're gonna take a couple of minutes to talk about what's up next in a quick preview review so Eli tell us what's on deck left behind to tribulation force yeah I guess we already kind of spilled the beans on that one yeah exactly and the real frightening thing here is that based on the preview there is no question in my mind that the budget went way down. No, day we spend 10 million dollars every other day three dollars That's three times my allowance everyone will be great

That's it really looks like that because it looks like to me like their plan was for this first one to go up to be really big And then make some money that they could use to shoot the second and third one when that didn't go through They decided to make the movie anyway and everyone just even in the preview looks so depressed to be there so unhappy they've all looked like they just got a sweaty screaming fight with their agent yes everyone in the movie has a different hairstyle has a different facial hair they've gained weight they've lost weight this is all something where they spent months fighting their lawyers being like no I just won't show up on set you don't show up on set. You're gonna pay him 10 million dollars fine

Fine, I'll do it, but you know what? I'm gonna dress up like a Pokemon the entire time I'm wearing a pink costume for this. I was on matlock. Are you kidding me? You know who I am? Not anymore. We fucking don't yeah, right? And I guess this is probably just a podcaster thing but Like in the preview you can actually tell that the quality of the audio is worse in this new movie Yeah, exactly everything has downrated the audio the film I like it started being filmed on a different camera Yeah, the extras are being paid, so then the special effects look worse. Vladimir Putin looks slightly thinner. Everything looks less nice. And the first movie wasn't great. It just looks less nice. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's tough to stop down from this one without adding

Nick Cage, but they did. Yeah. It also seems like they're, they kept trying to set up the fact that something interesting is going to happen in this movie Well hinting to you that actually no, it's not They kept being like oh and these folks are gonna be on the I mean there's gonna be lots of praying and they're gonna Did you make a plan? Oh, I've got a plan is your plan to pray? Yeah, my plans to pray plan oh I've got a plan is your plan to pray yeah my plan to pray I'm not gonna lie to you my plan is this movie is mostly gonna be about people praying I mean they admit that right up front because they like say at the beginning uh nothing can stop the apocalypse and God's plan and like oh okay well then I guess there's nothing for us to watch in this what a weird movie

so with that to look forward to we'll bring episode four to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to Devon heater for joining us tonight and an So with that to look forward to, we'll bring Episode 4 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Devon Heater for joining us tonight and an enormous thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. And thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes. And by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist,

and the scaptocrat available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodawfulMoviesatgmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here and more by following the link on the show notes for this episode, thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week, for Heathen, right, Neelye Bosnick, I'm Noah Luzonz, promising to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a guy from Brooklyn telling you to fuck yourself.