God Awful Movies - 441: The Exorcism in Amarillo

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

This week, Cecil joins us for an atheist review of The Exorcism in Amarillo, our fourth foray into the wonderful world of Wright Family Films (makers of such GAM-favorites as Halloween Hero and The Badge, The Bible, and Bigfoot. Check out more from Cecil on Cognitive Dissonance, Lawful Assembly, and Season Liberally --- To get tickets to see us live in Orlando, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-orlando-florida-tickets-778242784117 If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Hey friends, it's Jill from the Teach Me How to Adult podcast. Navigating adulthood can be a real struggle. We made an entire show about how to deal with those struggles. So I'm a big fan of anything that makes life a little less complicated. That's why we teamed up with Belly Direct to help simplify car and home insurance. Belly Direct has an app that lets you file and track a claim, make changes to your policy, have your proof of insurance in the app, or in your Apple wallet for secure and easy access,

and even chat with an agent for assistance. Download the app and learn more about how Ballardirect makes things simple at ballardirect.com slash simple. Also, what's scarier here? The fact that the girl sort of like a little freaked out because she was afraid in the middle of the night, or mom smashing the girl to her chest and slowly whisper singing Jesus' name of the Lord.

Because I'm telling you man, if I was a kid in this house I'd be like, mom you're scaring this shit out of me right now. I'm going to go back and hang out with the pumpkin monster action. I'm taking my chances with pumpkin man, alright? God awful movie. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to the Gamecast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema for fear that you'll turn against us if we don't.

I'm Noah Lusions and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back. We got the right family. I'm so happy. Yes. Yes. This is the best.

That's such a fucking treat. This movie is bad. I don't happy. Yes. Yes. The best. Oh, that's such a fucking treat. If this movie is bad, I don't want to be right. I don't know. It makes sense. So good. And unfortunately, Eli's going to be unable to join us tonight, but sitting 900 miles to my north northwest is the cohost of cognitive dissonance citation needed. And the brand spanking new podcast lawful assembly Cecil something Italian. Cecil, welcome back. I am a podcaster. You are.

I have come to terms with that and I'm now embracing it. So I am actually a podcaster. It's like tattoos, you know, you just can't have just one for very long. Once you get one, you're just like, suddenly you have a whole sleeve and you're like, what the fuck happened to me?

Yeah, right, no, I get it. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the exorcism in Amarillo. It's the story of a Christian couple, the rights. They're really into mask stuff and they started making some amateur porn together and then their kids walked in. So they made a Christian movie instead to cover it.

That's what we watched. All right, yes, because it says at the beginning that's based on the true story. And then their kids walked in. So they made a Christian movie instead to cover it. That's what we watched. All right, yes, because it says at the beginning that's based on the true story. That's the true story. Now it all makes sense. Okay. Yeah.

All right. And Cecil, how bad was this movie? If you love people reading random passages out of the Bible out loud in candlelight and other old books as villains. You will love this movie. Yes. Guaranteed.

Yes, this was the right family. Of course, they're the makers of such cinematic masterpieces as In Jesus Name, Halloween Hero, and of course, The Badge, The Bible, and Bigfoot. What? Cecil. Those are such a good movie. What? Would you be surprised, Cecil, to are such a good movie. I would, what? Would you be surprised, Cecil, to learn that Ashley Wright,

the auteur behind this film, has directed 23 feature films, 12 short films, and seven TV series since 2019. What the fuck up? Are you serious right now? She's a prolific artist yes, unbelievable. Is there nothing she can't do Yeah, we're gonna talk about it. Yeah See out of her eye makeup This is someone who collapses against the wall when a doorbell rings.

How does she so prolific? And she's a singer, which we get to experience. Oh, and an artist and a painter? Yup, sculptor. If she doesn't have an egot by the time she's done, I'm going to be furious. Right? Furious. Snub.

Thank you. Just like Greta. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst toy for children based in this movie. We'll get to it real quick. It happens early. I'll tell you this much right now. It's a shit-based toy for children. I'm not at all exaggerating. Nope. You are not. In fact, he's exaggerating. Nope. It is you are not say in fact He's exaggerating less than you think he is after he said that it's as literal as possible

Yep, no, yep. No, so I'm gonna go with best worst demonic activity, right? So like mostly this demon just moves objects slightly, right? He throws a little bread knocks over a book Like being haunted by my cat. Right? Oh, the demon took the toilet paper and ran down the hallway with it. Okay, that would have been way more impactful than anything this movie does.

Hard to agree. Hard to agree. I'm gonna go with Best Worst Makeup. We've already heard from Heath and the lead actress, looks like Robert Smith for the whole movie. But definitely like the pastor is my favorite makeup. I've ever seen, he looks like he has crushed up pork skins on his face.

It is the greatest makeup ever, the end. Oh, and they just hit you with it. You're not expecting, especially you, It is the greatest makeup ever the end. Oh, and they just hit you with it. You're not expecting, especially you, because you don't know the Ashley Wright Philography. I was out of nowhere. It really was. It might have been accidental makeup.

He just might have had a bunch of pork skins. We don't know. All right, well, we gotta film the scene. Bobbin' for pork skins again, that's on me. So, yeah, Thursday. Well, actually, they were just frying those, Frank. It wasn't a... It was what now you know, what now you do know.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, we've been waiting too damn long for more of the rights, so we're going to keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the normal house living in shit that is the exorcism in Amarillo. Speak to a human being? No, no, ah, don't read the menu again. I said nothing close to that.

Speak to a human being now, please. Hey, hey, Heath. You stuck in an automated menu, buddy? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm trying to cancel a subscription, but I can't get through to a human being. Well, if you're looking to cut down on your unwanted subscriptions, why don't you just try Rocket Money?

Oh, what's Rocket Money? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. All right. How does it work? So, if I asked you right now about all the subscription services you're signed up for, would you be able to name them all and tell me how much they cost? Uh, I think so?

Well, I thought the same thing, but then I tried RocketMoney and it turned out I'd forgotten about a bunch of them and some of them I hadn't used in months. With RocketMoney, you can see all your subscriptions in one place and if you see something that you don't want, you can cancel it with a tap. Best of all, you never have to get on the phone with customer service. All right, sounds pretty helpful. Do lots of people use RocketMoney? RocketMoney has over 5 million users and it's helped them save an average of $720 a year

with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. Okay, I'm sold. How do I sign up? But actually, first, give me some general advice and then tell me where to sign up. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. That's rocketmoney.com slash awful movies? Rocketmoney.com slash awful movies.

Alright, thanks Noah. So what are you trying to cancel on the phone right now? Uh, yeah, it's called KneeBend. Oh, what are those trying to cancel on the phone right now? Uh, yeah, it's called Knee Bend. Oh, what are those, uh, fitness apps? No. All right, y'all. Welcome to the first riders room meeting for the Exorcism in Amarillo. Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

And it's where we're having the first riders room meeting for the Exorcism in Amarillo. Okay. Yeah. we're having the first riders room meeting for the exorcism in Amarillo. Okay, yeah, I'm just saying maybe if you have work to do, you could leave and go to your home for that. The salad bar says all you can eat and there ain't no amount of chunked ham and shredded cheese my husband can't eat Todd. That's right. Okay, could you at least not eat it with your hands? Yeah, I'm sorry, your forks are too small to hold a whole fist full. For a reason. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, I figured we could do this movie about that time our house was haunted.

You mean that time the bread fell off the counter? Flew off the counter and the doorbell kept mysteriously ringing. Well, I think that was time the next door. Pretty sure it was a minion of the desolate one. We've been closed for an hour and a half. Oh, you can eat it. See us now, Jaina. Why don't you run up there and get mommy another plate of croutons? Well, I write up an outline.

We definitely don't use outlines. Okay. No, that's fair. And we're back for the breakdown. and we're going to start off with that harbinger of quality that makes me drool like Pavlov's dogs, the Bridgestone multimedia group logo. Always a good sign. Always in for a treat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then it says based on a true story, and I was like, wow, lying so fast. So 22 seconds, I think, so fast. I had 27. Now, okay, they might lie even earlier if you want to call bullshit on the word film in right family films. Okay, no, that's a very good point.

So, yeah. That is debatable. So, yeah, at least our first lie here. So we see Ashley Wright looking as methed up and hollow as ever. Jesus Christ. She looks like a fucking superhero that like had a really bad day, right?

It's just like crying for hours, staring in the mirror, telling how much you hate yourself. Is she just pouring down her face? It's the worst. So the doorbells ring in, the lights are strobing. It's clear that like her husband is just off screen like flipping them on and off real quick. And she's walking down the hallway

with her Bible in hand, right? And she opens the door and title screen. We're gonna go back in time a little bit. Yeah, we get a bunch of her screaming there too, which does not go well. Cause she has to scream for a little bit longer than she has, you know, noises in her head of screaming. And she thinks she has to like cycle through new one.

She's got like an accent by the like third or fourth set of screams. Doesn't even make sense. She's out of breath after the second one too. Yeah, right. She screamed and then she's like, shit, I forgot to breathe. Yeah, right. So you've got to breathe when you're doing it. Why am I screaming British now?

That doesn't even make sense. There's definitely a kind of an ah, ah, ah, kind of a moment. Great. It's great. So but we then we get our title and then we get our Amarillo establishing shot, which is fucking drone footage of hay bales. It's a nice stock footage they bought off of iStock footage, which is nice. Yeah, they do spend that sweet bridge stone multi-medium money right there. And then we get a bunch of chicken shots too, because they're on a small farm that has chickens.

And there's a close-up of one chicken that does not want his face in the movie. Oh, yes, at all. Yeah, he's got an atheist, I'm an atheist, get away. Yeah. He's... It's always tough working with animal actors, but it's gotta be doubly tough working with chickens,

I imagine, you know? Just trying to get him to do the things you want to do. So we watch her chase a chicken around the fucking yard with her iPhone for a little while, and then we're supposed to have her out on her farm coming across a dead chicken, but they weren't gonna kill no chicken for this movie. So we just see like a bunch of feathers

and the chicken's feet. Yeah. It's still alive. It's very scary. It like moves a little of feathers and the chickens feet. Yeah, it's still alive Like moves a little bit while we're watching it clearly still alive, but it's so abrupt the way they edit it too So I was like did that chicken just fucking kill itself My career cut its own head off. Yeah, right. This is a better option It's gonna ruin my career. Cut its own head off. Yeah, right. This is a better option. So yeah, so we watch her find a dead chicken,

then we watch her water her veggies, not a euphemism. This is not in you. I know she's just watering. But admittedly the euphemism keeps going when she finds a very girthy zucchini in her garden. She carries that zucchini really. She's daring us to make dildo jokes. She sexually handles and prunes the zucchini plant. I know it is. It is great. Yeah, she picked well. So then we cut it inside speaking of

zucchinis we cut inside where her husband David establishes that he will be playing an army man in this one establishes that he will be playing an army man in this one. Because he has a shirt that says just army on it. Just his army in case you were clear. I don't doubt that that exists, but like why do they get confused? Without which bridge my and they're drawn on it. I got to get a podcast or one. Yeah, exactly.

Sorry, I just looked down. I realized what we're doing. All right. Yeah, I got sorry. podcast or one now. Yeah, exactly. Right, right, right. Sorry, I just looked down. I realized what we were doing. All right, I got it. Yeah, sorry, yeah. So yeah, so he's getting a phone call from Sarge, telling him it's time for him to go to Iraq. Just as a short deployment, you know, a couple of weeks, like a two-weeker.

Yeah, it's like, so what's up Sarge? Why is it am I right, huh? Iraq, what do you mean? The conversation's hurt so fast. Just put somebody on the other side of it Why is it my right, huh? I rack. What do you mean? Conversations Just put somebody on the other side of it to give you an idea, right? You do that See, so we cut outside where she like he walks out there and it's like he caught her with that zucchini, right? She's like I got news. She's like I was just gonna eat the zucchini

zucchini, right? She walks out and she's like, I got news. She's like, I was just going to eat the zucchini. She's like, I'm behind her back. What zucchini? What are you talking about? What do you mean? And we have some of this great. This is the first time you get that amazing,

because you know how like, okay. So Cecil's talking about how bad people often are at doing a one-sided phone conversation in a movie or whatever. They do like two-sided conversations in the same way. Right? They're literally talking around each other. They don't answer each other's questions.

This was amazing. There's only long pauses. So long, crazy long. He walks up and he's like, I got talk to you, babe. Oh, you didn't say it. Still my line, is it still my line? And then he thinks more and he's like, no, it is your line.

I was right. It's actually, and we get silent cross cuts to each other faces as this confusion is happening. It's the fucking greatest. Like the cameraman keeps going, who's gonna talk next? I'm just gonna keep cutting. Like keep on frantically cutting between them

until somebody breaks this silence. So good. Yeah, you know those memes where you have to have somebody saying nothing so you just put ellipses a couple of times or whatever as their line, we get cuts for that. It's just this move. Accidental versions of that. It's the bad.

But he goes, hey, I have some bad news for you. It's real important. And then we get her not talking and then we get him not talking. And then we get her and she goes, hey, I have some bad news for you. It's real important. And then we get her not talking and then we get him not talking. And then we get her and she goes, there was another coyote attack. And I'm like, that's not your line. I don't know what your line is, but it isn't that. No, he panicked and ad libs.

And he was like, coyotes. I just, I don't know why I said coyotes. But first thing I thought of army. Are you just naming what's that? No. I knew that word already. Separate. But he's going to build her a fence, but she don't want no fence.

I don't know, it doesn't. This ain't no city house now. Come on. And I'm not kidding. That's like her life. That's what she said. So we go inside where she's washing the zucchini again, not innuendo. Don't get excited. It is insane how long we she's washing the zucchini, again, not in U.N. dough, don't get excited.

It is insane how long we watch her wash the zucchini. Like, it's like that's the only way David can get hard anymore is to watch her wash the zucchini. Okay, that's fine, I'm not gonna judge that part, but clearly the movie was like, okay, what's the slowest thing we could possibly do right now? And they answered correctly which is watching people wash vegetables. Yep.

And we do that for so long. She's got a little scrub brush and she's just going in the sink for a while. Well, and then we get this amazing exchange where he's got to tell her the bad news that he's got to ship out to Iraq. And what they're trying to do is he's telling her that and she's ignoring him and trying to talk about other things and change the subject so she won't have to think about it. But because they're so very, very bad at everything that can be done, it just, it plays like she doesn't know what his words mean or something.

Brady's like, I gotta go to Iraq. And she says, look at the size of my watermelon. Again, not in the window and exact line The real fucking line. I feel like he was like, okay. Well, you remember what happened with the watermelon last Back to just the zucchini baby. I also had to stop the fucking the movie and Rewind it like three times because she mumbles out a line here. And it's her saying, not something pertinent, she just says, I forgot the cantaloupe and then starts to run out. You're like, Jesus, the line you mumbled through is even irrelevant.

The whole, it's like crazy. Yeah. But he assures her that he won't be in a rock for long. I don't think that's how it works. I know. I'm getting a mini, mini. He's gonna pop it works. But, you get a mini, mini. He's gonna pop by for a couple, you know, just really quick.

It's like a- Also, there was another confusion here. Correct me if I'm wrong. He says, yeah, really sorry, I gotta leave, babe. I didn't volunteer for this though. And then she actually says, but you did though. And then he's like, right, I did though. Yeah, I totally did, didn't I?

It didn't make sense to ask that. We're all writing in our notes, were you drafted? What, red is the smoothie? I don't know, I said that again. I read the shirt. And then, okay. Also, can we stop just really quickly and talk about this guy's facial hair?

Cause it is really confusing, right? Like, I, you know, people look how they look. It's your fashion, your style, whatever. But like you have a goatee, but then the rest of your face fades into the goatee. And that is the first time I've ever seen that. I've never seen a half beard with a faded goatee. We're going to say fade though.

I mean, it's like, he has two buzzers that he uses, number one and number 25. And there's not a fade area? I mean, it's like, he has two buzzers that he uses, number one and number 25, and there's not a fade area that I noticed. I will concede the point. Yep, yep. I cut my eye on his beard watching the movie. It's sharp on that edge. It's ridiculous.

And it looks like there's just been so much grease that's just been sort of squeezed out of it. Oh. I mean, I feel like you could clean a pan pretty well with his face using this beard for sure. And I don't know if it's here or later, but there's a moment where she very obviously has to say, you're not going to shave your goatee then,

because he doesn't want to cut his goatee for a whole movie. And he's like, so you're going away back to the army. I guess you know, he's like, don't have to cut it for this, special mission, they need bearded people. Need beards in the army now. When you re-up, they don't make you do it again. I don't think that's how they do it.

No, you can tell this was a moment that she did on camera because she was trying to get rid of that nasty-ass beard. She's like, don't you have to shave your beard? I was like, no, it's a secret, top secret assignment. Beardy assignment. But she was DMing and trying to get rid of his beard. She's like, no, and now a sped is cast. Your beard is gone.

Next scene. So she's like, well, what are you gonna tell the kids? And he's like, oh, in the next scene. And she's like, great, great. So then we cut to the kids playing a game of toilet. What the fuck was this? Okay. So I saw it and I was like,

is that a fucking toilet sex toy that kids are playing with? Cause it looks like there's a butt plug coming right out of the middle of the toilet. And I was like, why would kids play with that? And it, no, okay. It's a plunger, not a butt plug. I guess it could be both, but it's supposed to's a plunger not a but I guess it

could be both but it's supposed to be a plunger but that's still weird especially when they play this game which is somehow decided based on moving the plunger around and then a literal shit flies out I guess not literally a toy shit like a log a plastic plastic log of shit flies out of the top of the toilet and somebody has to catch it to win, I think. You have to scramble for the turd. Yeah, that's how, yeah. So I think the way it works is that like,

it's like a don't wake daddy type thing. Like you keep plunging and then eventually the shit flies out and whoever it flies out on loses a thing or so, or whatever. But like clearly they bought that at some fucking store and they're like, oh, that's making it in the movie. We're going to play a whole round of toilet. Oh, that's so funny. And that tells you everything you need to know about the right family, I think, honestly. Keith, what is the winning strat in this game? I know when you watch this, you immediately were

like, I am thinking up four strategies on how to. Yeah. No, I tried to figure out how the game worked. Yeah. So you, you take turns apparently moving the plunger and then at some maybe random time a move of the plunger causes the shit to fly out. So I'd say the strategy is when it's your turn, you're just like, oh, look, I touched the plunger, but you don't really touch it. You just look at the shit slot and you're looking for the catch. You're just like, Oh, look, I touched the puncher. Are you, but you don't really touch it. And you just look at the shit slot and you're looking for the catch. You're not paying attention to your plunger turn.

There you go. Right. Exactly. Yeah. No. And I think you also have to be ready to body check people. I think there is definitely a level of physicality that you need to bring to this if you want to win or just knock it down. Right. Like it's like, it's like a hail Mary. You just knock it down. Don't even try for the. Right. Just kind of guide it to your part of the room and then scramble for it, right? Right, yeah, that's it. Your reach also probably gives you a huge advantage on this,

right? Like see your arm length, like, yeah, big advantage. I wouldn't want to play the toilet game with Heath. That's what I'm saying. I think it should be called the deuces loose just to be clear. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.

I'll write him a note. Okay, so, and what's amazing about this is that we're sending him off to work, because we have to get rid of him for this movie to work, right? He has to just be away and shit. But like Ashley has to explain that, has to ease David into the fact that he's not going to be in the movie most of the time, right?

She's like, so at this point she's like, and then there could be a montage of you doing all kind of real manly stuff, like fixing up my fence and changing the light bulbs I can't reach. And shaving your beard. I don't know man stuff, right? Nope, special beard.

I need this beard. You see these cuts on my face, right? It's a lot sharp. We watch him do all these like half ass manly things, but it's to a song that literally starts with the words, I am a lot. Sharp. We watch him do all these like half ass manly things, but it's to a song that literally starts with the words, I am a warrior. And then he's like putting a little pretty light bulb on top of the fence and like,

Yes. Changing a light bulb. I don't understand. Yeah, he's like, I'll have a power tool in this one. Here's a, I got a, I got a power tool. Got a drill drill So he even had to go go to his wife to after that was like I put those real pretty lights on the top Just like you like little lady. I did it just for you

Yeah, I Wouldn't have put them lights on because on it's a little gay if I was Manly That scene that he didn't read and she made him do that and he's like I added a scene on top of this now Explain it was you my manliness not me that I have he's also working real hard on the house in his Olive Garden Button-down shirt. Yeah, like he's not in what you would think if somebody's gonna put up a whole goddamn fence They're gonna be in a button button town shirt putting up their fence,

but he's dressed up for the camera. And the rhymes in this song were hilariously bad. I wrote a whole bunch of shit about how bad they were, but then the next song was so much worse that I went back and crossed it out and moved it. You know, so get ready for that. Yeah, it doesn't, the songs definitely go downhill from here and that is a surprise when you hear this song.

Right, cause when I heard this song, I was like, oh, this guy's asked if anybody could think of a word that rhymed with cow before, hesitancy. He said that to an open room. Yeah, and so now he's shipping out. This is the part where they establish, well, he's like, wow, you don't have to shave your beard. He's like, he's funny enough.

I don't have to shave my beard. Turns out that no, you don't. I'm immune to that spell. Ashley. So she goes like, well, I bet you're about to go out and do something dangerous and manly and stuff. Huh? He's like, yep, I ain't no cook or nothing. I do manly stuff when I'm at war. And then he leaves.

We linger on her sadness and then they somehow found a bad rendition of amazing grace to play for us Yeah, I was so mad don't bring amazing grace Get out of here The song's about redemption you can't get redeemed before the plot even fucking starts either it doesn't make sense You and I barely into act one. Yeah, all right Okay You're barely into act one. Yeah. All right. So, okay. Speaking of the plot getting started, we watch her ghost to some house to pick up a box of used books and then take that home.

Okay. Very important. Remember how back when he was alive, but he's dead now and that's awesome. Pat Robertson used to say that you could get demons in your sweaters from second hand stores and shit. So just keep that in mind as she picks up a box of used books. Right? Yeah. Now, if you're picturing Ashley Wright leg pressing 2000 pounds, sadly, that

won't be happening in this movie, but I was rude for it. So yeah, so we get hurt. She brings the boxes of books home. We get all this scary footage of the books, right? Like the cameras sneaking up on them and everything. And I wrote in my notes at this point, is this an anti-book movie? And I wrote it with like a tee hee and everything. I went back and took out the tee hee later. You took out the tee hee. And the question mark, really.

You get the, you realize, there's no tee hees with the right family. Also I paused it at this moment to see what she was reading because I was curious, right? Like what do you, they open a book and then there's this moment where this girl comes out, she picks the book up, this young girl comes out, picks the book up and she's flipping through it. And they're trying to portray a sense of foreboding

in this scene where there's like a hit, a sound effect and there's a sort of maybe a violin screeching sound in the background. They're sort of clumsily trying to do this, and she flips to a page in a book, and the book is called Everybody Needs a Church. So here's what they did, is they took all the old books they had in their house

without a cover, and they just, they wouldn't even go out and get like an occult book. They were like, no, no occult books in their house without a cover. And they just, they wouldn't even go out and get like an occult book. They were like, no, no occult books in this house. We're just gonna use everybody needs a church as the evil book in this movie. That is now the stand-in. Just don't show the words then.

Yeah, right. So we're gonna establish later that this is supposed to be an occult book, right? The whole story is that hiding amongst these books that she got was an occult book, right? Cause whole story is that hiding amongst these books that she got was an occult book, right? Cause this movie is like all about how the demons will get into your house if you buy Harry Potter books, right? But yeah, demons will get in your house if you do that.

So they weren't gonna bring one of those books into their house. Cause they really believe it. In fact, they did once. It's based on the true story of them. Yes, yes. So they're genuinely scared of that concept. And that's why they made this movie.

And so, and again, like Cecil says, the solution here, this is a blank covered book, right? It's just a red cover on the book. That's obviously why they chose this beat up ass old stolen library book from 1951, right? But then just don't do a close up over the girl's shoulder as she's reading it, such that we can read the title at the top of the left

hand fucking page. And I don't wanna bring your guys' comedy shown back to like reality and bring this down for a second, but on Cognitive Distance on the other show I do, we talk about high level shit. So it's like some asshole wants to ban books and you're like, you think in your head, there are people in the world who believe this stuff but you never really get a chance to see those people right? You're like well yeah sure somebody out there agrees with banning books but

I don't know what that is. I'm just gonna get mad at this pastor or this politician who's gonna ban books and you're gonna talk about them and you're not really gonna think about the boots on the ground. The humans that are doing this stuff in their own household. But this sort of opens up a whole new world for me of adults that are like afraid of the dark. And it just blew me away because I just don't you don't think those people exist. And then you watch a whole movie of people shouting Bible verses at a dark room and you're like, holy shit. People exist, man. They're what?

Fuck. I totally it's like a weird, it's weird because it pulls the curtain back on they're just their weird life vision and how they view the world and how, I can't even imagine how these people fucking function in real life. Well, and what's so funny about this, Cecil,

is that, you know, we've been doing this obviously for years and years, and we've seen this for so long. And then like Trump gets elected and everybody's like, wow, where did all these Trump voters come from? And we're like, what do you fucking mean? Where have you been? You need a podcast, assholes.

We've been talking about this for a while. Right. You're right, man, you're right. I miss the real person. And when you see it, you're like, holy shit, that's a, that's not a functioning adult. If you just cry when the doorbell rings. Okay. I have a theory.

Is there any chance that the following happened? They tried to make this movie like 10 years ago and they didn't get a prop, a cult book, and they brought one in and then some dumb shit happened. And that's why they actually believe that demons happen when you have an evil book in your house. That's some inception level stuff there, Heath. Let me tell you. And then like two years later,

she just wakes up from a dead sleep and goes, oh, now it's based on a true story. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. So, okay. So the daughter, like a demon jumps out of everyone needs a church and into the daughter.

This is daughter two. Her name will eventually turn out to be Jaina. We'll find that out eight minutes before the movie's over. I had her as daughter two throughout. So Jane goes running, daughter three stops her. And she's like, Hey, what the hell is this scene about? She's like, I think like a demon is in the book or something. So they go back to check it out. Right. And while they're checking it out, there's like a bang and a hiss, and it's so fucking hilarious. Cause I'm not gonna make fun of the kids, right?

They got roped into this by the mom, but there's like hiss sound two, three, bang sound two, three, the cat. They both say it. They yell the cat, yeah. And then they scramble, their legs move like Scooby-Doo if they run out of the room, you know.

So then we watch him being way more affectionate with their beautiful void cat than he is comfortable with in this moment. Oh yeah. She mentions his tail swishing and I'm like that's not good. Yeah. It gets like I can feel his claws digging into my leg and I'm like, well then let him go you fucking monster And I was like good. I hope you feel it worse

Let that poor baby go And this but it's an entirely black cat and in my head it's like 5050 the right family murdered this black cat for being a demon at some point Because the cat's not in the rest of the movie. I want to mention too that the lenses that they're shooting this scene with are like fun house lenses. So they are like super wide.

What you should do in a scene like this is just do a medium range shot, right? So like you would crop off a bust of a person and then they would fill most of the lens and you would be a good distance away, and you would do it on both sides, so you would have both the people. And this, they fucking did like a 14 millimeter lens.

Yeah. You lost them like two words into this. No, they've got the one lens they use. Yeah. Yeah. So this lens is perfectly good. I don't know why you, that's how they get you. They try to get you to buy a bunch of them. I already already have a lens the scene looks like it's shot through a door like

All right, so mom gets back home after the book haunting with daughter one They have a letter from from dad, right? So we watched the mom read this letter for so fucking long that you just know that they plan to put a voice over on it in post and then they just forgot. But after she reads the letter, she opens a copy of where the sidewalk ends. I was mad about this too. Don't bring my boy, Shell, into this either. Amazing race and now Shell's overseen? Fuck you. Yeah, I don't think Shell I would have approved I was with you

It's got this tiny Lee she opens up. It's got this tiny little CD So apparently dad has recorded himself reading this book on a little DVD and then send it home to the kids So they could watch him read the book while they read along Right. Yeah, he sends obsolete media back home So they could find a DVD who has a DVD player anymore I say to find a DVD player to play it But the funny part about the scene is there's clear continuity error when he says and I'll be sending a book back home with you That you'll get and then later in the same thing. It's like and this DVD will be included So fucking dumb.

Also, we see the note from him here and it's terrifying. He has the handwriting of a six year old serial killer. If that's your handwriting, don't show your handwriting in a movie. Oh, kidding. So he reads Shel Silverstein at us. We pan over all the girls. They're all trying to cry. That reading, though. Yeah. Well, that girls. They're all trying to cry that reading though

Yeah, that's how they managed to cry. Yeah Apparently he used a camcorder from like 1988 to record this thing. There's like a flashing red dot REC for Symbol for VHS on the DVD that we watched the mood into a DVD player. When are these people? I have no idea when or where they have no idea. It's during a draft, yeah.

It's like, the time dimension confuses to fuck out of the rights. That's one thing we've learned over four movies of their so okay. So now mom's doing laundry when the doorbell rings. So she looks out the window and there's that what we're supposed to be seeing is that there's nothing there what rang the doorbell. But it's this weird decorative translucent kind of window. So like they have to move the camera around a lot to establish there's not someone somewhere on the porch. I wanted them to pan over. It's just a Foley guy off the side with a metal saw being like,

oh, sorry, sorry. No, I was just, I was just buggering you. He quickly steps out of the scene, saying, sorry, my bad, my bad. Yeah, the Foley guy was their kid. That's the thing. Yeah. Also, the sound in the scene, Noah, goes, knock, doorbell, then toilet flush, I think. And then scary noise, so there's like a scary sort of screeching noise, and then that turns into ragtime piano, and then that stops abruptly into the loudest room hiss in history. It is the craziest series of sounds, You're just like, what is fucking? Did they just go buy a bunch of sounds and just drag and drop them in a row

in the fucking bottom? Right, it was the sound effects equivalent of like, your last five emojis tell the story or whatever. Yeah, it was fucking nuts. I think they dragged and dropped the camera and the sound device was all over the place. Yeah, but actually so she's like You know she hears some weird sounds. There's a doorbell ring and nobody's there So she goes and quite recently gets the gun out of her unlocked nightstand

The loaded gun three kids in the house. Yeah, yeah Safest thing for those kids the least surprising thing I've learned in this movie is that it actually has a fucking gun, a loaded gun and an unlocked drawer next to her bed. Yeah. But you don't go in mommy's drawer now. She has her gun in there and a zucchini. All right. So you just don't go in the top drawer. It's a dedicated drawer for watermelon. Going to those square ones they make in Japan.

So we watch or put batteries in a clock or a movie bomb timer. I'm not really sure what that thing was. And then, okay, so we get this scene. I love this so goddamn much. It's supposed to be, oh, now the house is haunted. So look at those bottles. I love this. So goddamn much. It's supposed to be oh now the house is haunted So look at those bottles that perfume bottle. It's it's moving and chittering around on its own But they don't know how to do that right they don't know how to film that so we just have this Extraordinary close-up on the bottom half of a perfume bottle while somebody reaches over top of it and jiggles it around And I shit you not you You can see that person's,

the shadow of that person's finger. I was gonna say the same thing. It's so good. It's not a single shadow. They're trying to do the like T-Rex is showing up from Jurassic Park and like, you know, liquid rumbles and there's a little ripple.

But like, it might as well have a little T-Rex arm come into the frame and pick up the top. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. So dumb. I laughed a lot at that moment. So good. All right. So all right. So it's three fifty eight a.m. That night, Ashley wakes up and her light is swinging eerily.

Who swung the light? Yes, it was supposed to be asking. And then the doorbell rings and there's knocking again. So she runs and she grabs her gun. And when she opens the door, they got that stock creek. Yes. That really loud one that you can buy, right? And they use this shit out of that creek in this movie.

The haunted house creek. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they start now. It's like a Wilhelm door. It's fine. It's exactly it, right? You've heard this creek a thousand times. Yeah.

So yeah, but nothing happened. There's nothing at the door. So now we're going to watch her fall asleep sitting in this chair with a loaded gun in her hand because someone ding dong ditch her. Someone she believes might be a demon. Do you kill demons with a pistol? Can you even do that? I think she shoots at everything first, right?

At least she checks and makes sure. I feel like you call the cops if you just think it's like a phantom doorbell, maybe somebody's harassing you. I mean, the police in Amarillo, Texas, they're taking calls about door demons like, oh, they have a department for that probably. So like... Got a dedicated department actually.

Just have fucking a call sign. Like we got a 416. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like at the beginning of the movie, maybe that was a coyote cover up. She just went a shooting out in the yard one day. Oh, there you go. And that poor chicken caught the front of it. Right, that was a coyote cover up. She just went a shooting out in the yard one day. Oh, there you go.

And that poor chicken caught the brunt of it. Right, that chicken rung my doorbell. Yeah, wait. All right, well, let's do it. This movie is pretty damn sure that that was pretty damn harrowing. So we're gonna take a break and let it catch its breath, but we'll be back in a minute

with even more of the Exorcism in Amarillo. This episode is sponsored by Every Plate. Hey, Noah, can I borrow your laptop for a second? I mean, sure, but can't you just use Eli's desktop? He's not here this week. I am actually, and my laptop. I'm typing on his with my left hand and mine with my right hand to save time. And I was thinking if I had your laptop, I could use my feet to really save time.

But Heath, if you're trying to save time, wouldn't it be easier to cut out a few trips to the grocery store say and prepare your meals in six easy steps with every plate? Oh, what's every plate? Every plate is the affordable alternative to those other meal delivery plants. They're America's best value meal kit. But aren't those meal delivery services bad for the environment sometimes? Not every plate. They offset 100% of their delivery emissions.

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Right, but does that mean you have to sacrifice on quality? Not at all. I tried every plate myself and their meals were delicious, way better than what I'd expect at pretty much any restaurant in my area. All right, I'm sold. How do I sign up? Get a meal for $1.49 plus $1 stakes for life by going to everyplate.com slash podcast and entering the code 49awful. Subscriptions must be active

to qualify and redeem $1 stake. That's a meal for $1.49 plus $1 stakes for life at everyplate.com slash podcast code 49awful. That's up to $110 value. But can I still borrow the laptop? I mean, I guess, but I don't see how you're going to type anything but gibberish with your feet. Oh yeah, gibberish is fine. This is just for covering Eli's work while he's gone. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I know. Here you go. Yeah. All right, fellas, sales are down. We need a new toy. Hit me with some ideas here. Hmm. All right.

I was thinking maybe a robot thing. Yeah, not bad, but everybody's doing that. All right fellas sales are down. We need a new toy hit me with some ideas here. Hmm. All right Uh, I was thinking maybe a robot thing. Yeah, not bad, but everybody's doing that transformers star wars Why don't we branch out a little right? Okay. All right, maybe like a Yeah, dart gun, right? Maybe it was like with magnets Yeah, hmm. Okay. I think maybe he got something there. Yep. But oh, sorry. Sorry, I got to take a shit. Just keep brainstorming. Yeah.

So maybe there would be like a magnetic board like that scores itself. Oh, you're you're just going to go right there in the corner and you take a shit. Yeah, yeah, just ignore me. Like I'm not even here. I thought that toilet was like a modern art thing or something. Yeah.

No, no, it's real. But I like to lock eyes, establish dominance, learn that in B school. It means business school. Yeah. Went to Wharton. Maybe you heard of it. It's in New York. I think it's in Philadelphia.

Yeah. Anyway, dark guns are a nerf thing. Come on, new toy. Let's hear it. All right. So what if we what if we are she goes? What what if we make like like a new skill toy? Oh, oh, I like that. What were you big volume?

Really? OK, what were you, uh... Big volume rule! Big volume! Okay, what were you thinking? Ah, like, um... Like an old classic skill toy, but like with a new variation, right? Vic! It's... what? Um, okay, so like, what about, um... This is not gonna go down!

Okay, well probably don't flush then. I'm gonna flush and just see what happens! Yep, yep, yep, that's a clog. Look at that. Full blockage, baby. Wow. How is it so wide? Exact size of the opening. That's crazy.

I'm gonna plunge it. So what were you saying about a skill toy? Yeah, right, a skill toy. So you know the hacky sack, right? This is not gonna push through. Okay, what if we made it? If we made... I'm gonna have to reverse it. You're gonna go up with the suction now.

What if we made it flat instead of round? The hacky sack. I think it's gonna blow up. I keep going here. Okay, probably stop then. You're gonna keep going. One more should do it. Can you stop? Incoming! Uh! I caught it! Going here. Okay, probably stop then you're gonna keep going one more should do it stop I caught it yes

All right, that was fun. Hey guys. I think we just invented a new toy Seriously shit missile I was pitching the evolution of the hacky sack just now shit missiles way better much better. Yeah, okay, that's fair. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action the following morning. Nothing having still happened, right? As we're a ding dong ditch in at this point. But now it's daytime, so like demons can't do stuff. Right. Now it's daytime, so like demons can't do stuff. Right. It's fine. So we're gonna get another scene of Ashley fucking farm wandering.

We watch her caress her melons again, not innuendo. I know it. Yeah, we get some sexual melons, zucchini stuff. We get pruning. And then she's like, all right, done with that. I guess I'll rake in the movie now. Oh my God. And we watch her rake in the movie now. Oh my God. And we got her rake for a while.

It is such inefficient. She rakes like she's sweeping, right? Like she's sweeping a tiny little spot in like a kitchen lit or something. These tiny little anyway. Yeah. So she rakes inefficiently for a minute. And nothing happens.

Like, I mean, it's not really like it is genuinely just a rake going through grass and nothing it had nothing has happened Hey, there's a really big pile of leaves right here. I'm gonna break this up. This is ridiculous Let me rake it and then so and then she's like she's walking around She's such walking in slow motion for some reason the music kicks in it's like patriotic music Oh, so she's walking Patriot. Yeah, and this is where I went and got all of my rhyme jokes from early Yeah, and this is where I went and got all of my rhyme jokes from earlier In one I don't know verse

They rhyme on with on three times three times. They just keep going with on That's the same word rule of threes. That's the word see so you're you're being negative right now Well, and then that, he tries to rhyme scarring with transgressions. I shit you nuts. And in order to do so, he goes transgressions. Next verse. Here we go. Here's the next verse. I wrote this down because I was just like, no, come on. It's just, it's unbelievably bad. Scar me.

He says, I am no longer bound to the pain and the scarring I washed off the dirt of My transgressions as no yes, I am no longer at war That's why I found peace the Lord is my savior That's why I'm not bound and it's like none of that rhymes. You just say That rhymes you just say What are we here? There is nothing is happening on the screen So you got to put some effort into the lyrics and he was doing the best he could okay. We're watching her just walk Slowly yeah with a bucket of dirt. She's taking a bucket of dirt from one place to another place

She feeds some chickens inefficiently again. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a commercial for a bucket. And like, really sell metal buckets in your commercial Stanley bucket. Roll a marble around on the bucket or something. I don't know. Like Lexus. So now she's back in the kitchen. She's washing some more veggies, and damn it if that bucket of dirt she didn't have just didn't move. Now I'm gonna be honest with you, I only know that because Cecil wrote his notes in

before I watched the fucking movie. I could not tell you for a life of me what it was she was looking at. She looks out the window and she goes, guess. It's the bucket of dirt. What happened? And I looked at Cecil's notes, he's like the buckets moved and I'm like, how do It's the bucket of dirt. And I'm like, what happened? And I looked at Cecil's notes, he's like, the bucket's moved.

And I'm like, how do you know the bucket's moved? We didn't see the bucket from this angle earlier. It was a different angle that we saw. You know what, Noah? As you say that, I realized I could be. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha wreck twice But I'm like no you maybe you're right. Maybe it was a different fucking Later that the bucket is moving around. Okay, you're right. Okay. All right. Yeah, it could still be in the same spot We're just looking at it. Yes, right. Yeah. Well, it's a bucket of dirt and ominous music is also in the and ominous music is also in the bucket. Well, right, right.

No, it was a bucket of ominous music as well. Well, that's what she's growing in that bucket, yeah. Yeah. In the scene too, isn't there like three full montages in one scene? I was just like, how many montages do we need in one scene? Cause they do this one part with the chicken bucket getting moved around and then they literally cut to another montage

directly after it. So you can't butt two montages up against one another. There's gotta be a rule. There's like a Geneva convention against that or something. See, Zola, I think it might've been five montages. I think you're right. Pruning, raking, slow walking, feeding chickens, cow, bucket.

Bucket, yeah, you're right. Oh, and there was a cow in there too. You're right there, there was cow in there. Yep, six. It's a montage of montages is what it is. Fucking meta. So then, okay, so then we cut to her and her daughter's crafting, right?

Surprise, surprise. And daughter three is like, do you ever get that feeling like you're being possessed by a demon and shits moving around, buckets are moving around in your house and everything? Like, yeah, you know, I have been having that feeling a lot lately. Mom's like, yeah, I did like six montages about it.

Yeah. Well, you know, I should. Well, I did the mom goes like, well, I think it's just because, you know, your dad's away and we are but helpless women without him. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it. They go, they turn that up to 11 in this movie. Yeah, sure.

That's not like we're making that up. That's like a serious theme that they underscore at the end of the movie to make sure we got the misogyny. Yep, and then they spell it out in their hilariously long title card at the end. And then there's this great moment their hilariously long title card at the end. And then there's this great moment too where they're trying to like establish that they're all having fun together. And so they're doing these crafts and they've got all these little leaves, these little cut out leaves, and they just start picking them up and dropping them again because

they're like, you know, clearly somebody was just like, and have some fun, you know, have a little leaf fight or whatever. And they're like, yeah, leaves. Seriously, the stage direction, and I use that so generously because they wrote the script, but it said, play with leaves and they do it wrong somehow. They're like, miss. And they try to play with leaves. And then, yo, okay, I was so happy in this moment. We get what I am gonna forever consider

the universal middle-aged white chick establishing shot. There is, and I saved a fucking screen grab with this so I can prove this later, I'll have Tim send it out, there is in this shot nothing but wine glasses, casserole pans, cheap coffee, an orange mug that says pumpkin spice is life. And I swear I'm not making this shit up. A loaf of fucking wonder friends. That's it. This is, you are absolutely right.

No, I missed most of the things that were in here, but as you described it, I'm like, this is absolutely a perfect, like this is the guy who's doing his two L's to like frame something out. He's like, no, we want to capture. If you pan down, there'd be a set of ugboots. Like I guarantee it. Okay.

Sadly, it's like two details away from my life. Okay. I like Uggs. Yeah. So yeah, so we see that the bread is moving on its own a little bit, which means of course that we're seeing the front half of the bread in the shot. Can I get really mad about how she cooks an egg? Thank you.

Real quick. Yes. Come on now. First, cracking the egg on the side of the pan. Rookie mistake, don't do that. Cracking on a flat surface. You're getting a shell in there. You jam the shell in there, exactly, Heath.

You're gonna jam the shell into the side of your egg because you cracked it and it shoved the pieces of shell inside of it and you gotta pick them out. Basic geometry, I was furious about this. Also just fucking wash the pan, but like I know you just cooked up some stuff, but there's like bits in this pan that are unidentifiable and you're like, okay.

And then she fries this egg on one side, like she's British. And I'm just like, what is happening right now? Yeah, she goes sunny. Also, she's gonna leave that. Okay, well, we're gonna come back to this egg. She's not, she's never gonna come back to this egg. No, you're right. But we're gonna come back to it.

So she's cooking the egg and suddenly the bread just hurls itself onto the floor, which is of course We're watching her and then the fucking David throws the bread Yeah, football style It's so dumb but at this moment I was like, okay, but this is supposed to be a demon So like it's a demon who showed up his entire job that day was like Yeah, it looks around the room and he's thinking what's dangerous in this room Certainly not her standing in front of a stove that I could fuck with let's just toss some bread over it or really quickly

Right well, they were damned if they were gonna, if she was gonna let them throw her, you know, pumpkin spices life mug about. So, all right. So she goes to examine the bread and see what's up. She leaves the egg, just fucking pin in that. We pan around. We see her paintings.

She's got several paintings. I wrote my notes. Is there anything she can't do? I spent a lot of time in this movie on those deer painting too, that deer painting where there's like a deer face with sort of a impressionist background and I'm being very generous when I say this. Yeah. But there's she spent a lot of time and when I first saw it, we paused the movie to make sure. Yeah, it's her pain. Oh, yeah. It's hard to process, absolutely. OK, one other detail about this room, this kitchen area, did I fucking hallucinate that there was a giant movie theater popcorn machine?

That's in her dining room. Yes. That's in her dining. She has popcorn machine like a whole. Like inside glass, like a big. With wheels on it. Yeah. You can move it from room to room.

Like the size of an arcade box. Right, right. Because if there's ever been anybody in the world that needs a fistful of popcorn in Goddamn moment. It's David Owen, right? Yeah, she showed up with like microwave popcorn and he's like done. What the fuck? I'm surprised what they did we were talking about his beard that they were zooming in on popcorn kernels. So I was stuck in it. So yeah, so she looks around. She's like, why is this bread on the floor? She checks to see if the kids are in bread throwing range.

They're not. They're upstairs in their room. I'm like, that egg has got to be burned by now. Having a very, very awkward conversation that they keep cutting in on. So the kids are having a conversation that they're trying to say, this conversation is established

and you're coming in on the establishment, but it's such a bad establishment of a conversation. Just like, so then she said, and then they cut back, it's really amazing. Yeah, right, no, it's every time, it's like you walked in on them talking about something they weren't supposed to be talking about. And that is when I had said to them about it.

Yeah, they do that like three times in a row. And every single time the kids seemed surprised by it. You trailed off and you made a nonsense noise. Did you? Yeah. Do you have anything more? And then suddenly the lights go out and daughter two goes, what was that?

And daughter three goes, the power went out. And daughter two goes, what was that? And daughter three goes, the power went out. And daughter one goes, what happened? What information are you looking for now? We're just gonna talk past each other. We just, nobody's paying attention to what anybody else said. So mom, she lights a candle. She looks around, she walks ominously through the house.

We look at the, that deer painting actually looks even better in candlelight, if you think about it. First attempt at a jump scare, we see a superimposed person pop up very quickly behind her, but it's like so fast. It's like a picture of Tyler Durden's dick. It's like super fast. Right, exactly. And also, by the way, this is just sort of if you watch the right family movies, you'll know that little Shalom Shabbat menu sign. It's back. It's back. We see it in the background of this. Oh, yeah. I was wondering what is up with that?

They just had it in another movie. Yeah, they have it in every movie. Every every movie we see that eventually. Okay. That's fair. Yeah. No, I mean, it's important to them. I guess. Old Testament 2 that counts. Yeah, it does. I want to point out in this movie the lights are out the electricity is out That was a gas stove that egg is still cooking this whole fucking time baby still going We're going at the long haul on this sunny side up bag

She is British. Maybe the demon just ate it I'll just flip it. I got it. No problem. I need it a little bit of protein. I get a little tired partway through my day. Where'd that bread go? I'm gonna dip. I wanna dip in here if I can. So, and this is where she says, get out in Jesus's name for the first time.

And I'm like, well, either the movie's over or your religion doesn't work. Yeah. Right? And that keeps happening for the rest of the movie. The movie beats itself with this so many times. It does. The first of so many, it's the best.

And then one of the daughters is like, hey mom, did you just yell at a demon, get out in Jesus' name? And mom's like, nope, just being proactive in case. You know, yeah. I was talking to an egg that I'm cooking, so downstairs. Well, and we have to point out, because before that happens, right,

we cut up to the daughter and we hear the daughter go, mom screamed, hurry. And they all run out. It's correction, Noah correction, it's mom screams. I listened to it three times. She says, she reads the direction in the script She's supposed to say hurry, but she says mom screams hurry and then they run off set What Scooby-Doo legs, what does that even mean?

Scooby-Doo legs, that's so fucking good. Okay, so mom gets a flashlight, we get the cat jumpscare, right? Now no one who owns a cat is ever afraid when they see a cat in their own world. No, it's the cat, it's just the fucking cat. Yeah, so she walks into the kid's room, she's got the flashlight now, but she's all clearly demoned up, right?

And she goes, I need to go find my Bible. Yeah. And then we get mom reading from the Bible, like terrified and looking like a demon for sure. And the three kids in real life are like, oh, it's just as mom reciting the Bible in a fugue state is a normal. Normal Tuesday. This is not weird.

So we have to point this out too, because she went into a cupboard to get this Bible. Yeah. What is this? She's got, she's got- She's got- That Bible's stashed all over the house. She has to move her measuring cups out of the way to your Bible. Like what is happening?

So. Well, she was, I do a root regard with, you never know what room you're gonna be in when the demon comes. I guess that's true. You know what? No, I didn't think of that. Thank you.

I also wanna just snap us back to reality again, and I'm sorry I'm doing this in your comedy show, but how terrifying would it be to have a parent who can't deal with the fact that there's a blackout and they just start screaming Bible verses at the dark? Holy shit, man. Jesus Christ. God damn. I don't deal with this very often,

so it's a shock to the system for me when I see it. And I'm like, no, they made this movie and told everybody that they screamed Bible verses at a dark room, because fucking Comet didn't work for three minutes. Right, this is a true fucking story. Yeah, and think about it, they live in Texas. Imagine how often this has to happen to them

with the Texas Power Group. They must just do that. That's why she's got a Bible in every fucking room. Yeah, absolutely. For the whole weekend when Ted Cruz was in Cancun, she's just she's horse. She's written so many Bible verses. The three daughters are like, no, no, we privatized the grid. It's fucking stupid. Relax.

This happens like every eight minutes. Yeah, yeah. Come on. So and then we get like each of the daughters gets her own getting put to bed scene, right? Because mom didn't want to play favorites, which is great. And then we get Ashley passed out and her sleep in chair again. Oh, yep. Daughter two wakes up and okay, so here's what's supposed to happen. Daughter two wakes up and a ghost or something, you yank her covers off.

But she very clearly just kicked her covers off and then she goes, she just yells out covers. Yes. Yeah, again, reading exactly what's in the script there. I think that's another moment. Stop sleeping. Oh, yeah. What?

And of course, but we wake up there, everything's red filtered. So like, man, some shit's going, some demonic shit's going on. Absolutely. Absolutely scary. You know, it's not hard to make a possession movie scary because possession for atheists is like,

oh, that person is probably going through a really bad episode of some sort of mental instability. And so that's scary for atheists. It can be scary for believers because they think that that shit is real or whatever, but like they did nothing in this movie to make it scary. Except for once in a while, they took the tinsel off the Christmas tree

and they put it in front of the camera. You're like, come on man, you can make this scary. And so yeah, and then each daughter gets her being scared seeing, because mom didn't want to play favorites. And we also, we haven't mentioned yet this ridiculous insane line of craft crosses in her hallway.

I know. There's like a barn door cross that's like clearly made of barn wood. There's a stick cross with shells on it. Yep. There's like, and how many, at a certain point you think the crosses are structural because there's so many on the wall. Yeah. Some of those are load bearing crosses for sure. Everything in the house is a cross. Yep. Yeah.

So, okay, so the next morning, all the daughters are getting together to commiserate on how hard it was to sleep through all that red filter last night. Well, not just red filter also. A demonic bug bite once. Bug bite, Oh yeah! She's like, a demon bit me.

Look at my arm. And then she's like, yeah, that looks like a demon bite to me. Okay. Just to recap, a demon did a red flashlight and one bug bite and then left. Well, it moved a bread. It moved a bread. It did move a bread. It moved the bread. It did move the bread.

And a bucket. And a finish the sunny side up egg. That was the earlier shift though. That was probably a different guy. I don't know. That was the day shift wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah. And then with the one daughter that go in there, they're talking to the mom and they're like, hey mom, you know like last night I woke up and my covers just got yanked off of me by a ghost and I got bitten in the arm. And mom's like, oh, that's pretty hardcore. And the other daughter goes,

and I heard scratching on the roof. And they both look at her like, shut the fuck up. Would you just scratching on the roof? There's probably a fucking squirrel or something. We got demons. She got demons biting her and shit. You're telling us about scratching on the roof. Fuck you.

Or this demon was like, I didn't really do anything to, I'll scratch the roof a little, I guess. No, no, no. Cause I really just did a bug bite. Was that a washboard from a jug band? No, it was me scratching the roof. No, I was on the roof. I was on the roof.

I was on the roof just scratching. Just, you know. You know the story with the guy in the car? Yeah. All right. I'm a demon. Turns out it doesn't really work in a house as well. Yeah, so mom, she's getting serious now.

So she goes and picks out a shirt. We watched her pick out a shirt for a while. Like her anti-demon shirt? Yes, right, exactly. This is her demon fighting shirt. Okay. Dressed to impress. But she's like, hey kids,

I gotta run up to the church real quick for some stuff. And daughter too, who was of course possessed when she opened up the book she goes Why do you have to see the pastor as though she's accusing mom of fucking the pastor? Right. Have you seen pork chop face? I mean come on. Yeah, right give the mom some credit here She's like, yeah, the kids are like, maybe we can wait in the car for you while you do and they're like, is she supposed to be fucking the pastor? She's not. I guess the kids are supposed to be scared of the haunted house, but they go, they leave and then we watched like the camera lingers for a second on the Bible that she had sitting on her chair,

on her sleeping chair, and suddenly the little doily it's on gets yanked off of the camera. And the book is like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. the Bible that she had sitting on her chair, on her sleeping chair, and suddenly the little doily it's on gets yanked off of the camera and the book falls down. Okay, but they're gone. So to be clear, the demon came back and was like, you know, I'm gonna do one more thing. I'm gonna knock over a bottle. Yeah, right. So god damn. You know what? Fuck this doily. Yeah Yeah. Move that, too. Maybe the bucket. I don't know.

So yeah, so and then we get this driving to the church montage, right? We get them driving, you know, why pass up on an opportunity for a montage. More praise music, of course. Okay. My favorite part, they do this driving montage and they show us their car getting stopped for a lane closure. Yes. For like a minute.

A long fucking time looking out the dirty back window. Just wait. A road worker with the stop sign holding it up and they spin it and we watch that for so long. Yeah. I was so happy. And then we get my second favorite shot of the movie. I haven't gotten to my favorite yet Yes, the shot where we get dad in his soldier uniform Stand in front of the green screen this to me with the smoke machine going yes

That's the best. He's leaving a shadow on the green screen behind him They had two seconds of green screen budget apparently because that's how long this is. It's just all of a sudden dad just being like soldier Look at me watch me so I killed a terrorist a bit And then okay, so mom gets home She's got a little sample sized jar of a water, right? Like she'd been to a convention and she walked through that one room and this is the holy water they gave to her.

And then she walks through and we see daughter too, the possessed one, she's hiding behind the door, all creepy for a jump scare. So Jaina, that's daughter number two. Jaina ran inside early. Yeah, because they were to get- Got behind the door in order to do a skeptical glare shot after this or whatever that mom didn't see yeah mom was walking and see her come past no and then she's there

giving the side eye to that holy water and then she said we get ashley's in the shower and that's like a come on scariest thing i've ever seen in a movie this is part of the porn they right yeah we can do a little bit of this right well right because she because she gets scared thing I've ever seen in a movie. This is part of the porn they made. Right. Yeah. We can use a little bit of this, right? Well, right. Cause she, cause she gets scared in the shower and she comes running through and she's like wearing a dish towel. Right? Like that's not a full towel. That's not a full sized towel with full eye makeup.

Yeah. Well, obviously. That's not coming off in a regular shower without a lot of extra pressure. Right. Like Tammy Faye Baker. We need like a silkwood shower to get that out of there. Yeah. So. Durpentine.

So yeah, so then we got, she's chilling at the table and her fingerless gloves for a bit. What is happening there? Okay. I don't know. I think these are knit anti-demon gloves that people know about. Okay. Because it's like sailing gloves.

You have your fingers available for flipping through the Bible to find the right spells. You know what, I didn't think of that. That makes a lot of sense. But you have good gauntlet protection along like, you know, the entire wrist and forearm. Right, right, burn protection. Yeah, I get it.

I get it. Just think it through. Sure. So yeah, so she's sitting there, she's huffing her bed bath in beyond candle when suddenly that book leaps out of the box, right? The box of old books that she brought in at the beginning. And we get the book skittering along the floor.

Okay, we're about to get my favorite part. Mine too, yes. Of the entire right of her right now. So the book skitters across the floor. And she's like, well, that's clearly now multiple examples of data here, that's an evil book Yeah, so she grabs the book puts it back in the box with the other books And it's a cardboard box that was open on top and then we watch her try to figure out that you know overlap thing You can close a box without tape. We watch her struggle with this for,

I'm gonna say three, four seconds and then she's like, fuck. And just, and then you go, and I laugh for like 20 minutes by myself in my apartment. Buster Keaton could not have done better trying to close that fucking box. So good. That was the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen.

She tries it once, she's like, well, fuck that, and she tries it again, she's like, well, fuck that, still ain't it. She starts to try it a third time, and she's like, ah, shit. And she just... There's just a demon on the side, and as she starts to fold it, he pushes one of the flaps down in front of her and... This is the one time the demon's doing the right thing, you know? Oh God, that was so fucking funny.

Alright, so then she wakes up again that night. It's again at 3.58 a.m., right? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So she goes downstairs, she goes to check her unlocked front door. She's don't worry about demons, worry about people, you you fucking idiot so she armed this time cuz she keeps checking The fucking pistol and I'm afraid the fucking grub hub delivery guys gonna catch five bullets No, luckily she doesn't rank cuz she opens the door and this is tight the time that Jaina is there Oh, that's right. Does the actual the only jump scare in the movie that actually got me this actually scared me

Yeah, they got me. This actually scared me, yeah. They got me. Yeah, no, with Jane there, yeah, absolutely. She opens the door and Jane is like, I can't sleep, mother. And we're like, ah! And then Jane is like, sorry, I don't know why I said that in a crazy voice,

super loud like that. I can't sleep. So, and then like they do, just in case, you know, they were in danger of nailing this scene, the random jump scare noise plays again. I'm like, no, they all you already did the jump scare, though. Why would you play it again now? Right.

The reason why you don't know, Noah, is because there was a very one second demon that comes on the screen for the second jump scare noise. Oh, really? And yeah. So I didn't realize this when I first watched the movie, I watched it on a TV, right? And so when you watch it on TV, it's really dark and you can't really tell what's happening. And very often I kept on throughout the movie and like, they keep on playing this dumb ass

hit, what is happening? Well, I watched it on my computer monitor yesterday and I saw all the pieces and I want to direct your attention to the jumpscare in the notes here where I pasted the image that they have superimposed. What they have done is they took somebody, you know, clearly like a spirit Halloween mask, and then they photographed him, and then somebody basically takes him in premiere, and they sort of superimpose him. But the problem is, is that they superimpose him behind her. So he's farther away, but forced perspective

looks like he looks like he's about 18 inches tall. He's farther behind and only halfway on the screen. He's like a little one. He's like the little guy. He's a little demon that could in this movie. And so that's what we see on the screen at this point. That's amazing. Yeah, I totally missed that.

I didn't see that at all. Yeah, I missed it the first time I saw it too. I was like, why did that play again? It looks like it's just a garbage bag. Yeah. It looks like they just took a black garbage bag. It looks like they just took a garbage bag with a pumpkin over it. Yeah, on the top of it.

And David definitely had trouble with the bag over his head. Definitely had trouble at some point. Maybe that's why they only got a second. Pinning that, by the way. Yeah, right. Exactly. So then we, by the way. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. So then we get like the daughter, she like wakes up screaming, she runs in to see mom and she's like, mom, something bit me this time in the stomach and there was a pumpkin

man. Hey, kind of buried the lead there. Yeah, right. Just go to the pumpkin man, maybe instead of the bunt bite. The mosquito bite. Yeah, most important piece of that story. But then mom spends 30 lines of dialogue trying to convince the daughter with like, like maybe five different words that it was a dream.

She says the same line like six times in a row. Yeah, it was probably a bad dream. It could have been a dream. No, it wasn't a bad dream. Any chance it was a pumpkin, the plant that we grow here? Yeah. No, nope. Nope. Yeah, and then she it was a pumpkin, the plant that we grow here? Nope. Yeah. And then she's like, well, you can sleep with me. And I'm like, if there's a biting pumpkin upstairs, I feel like she's not going to be comfortable regardless of what room she's sleeping in. But okay, go check for fucking monster pumpkins upstairs at first.

Duh. Called demon Dave with a four one six. There's so many better things to do. Right. Also, what's scarier here? The fact that the girl sort of like a little freaked out because you know, she was afraid in the middle of the night, or mom smashing the girl to her chest and slowly whisper singing Jesus' name of the Lord. Because I'm telling you, man, if I was a kid in this house, I'd be like, mom, you're scaring this shit out of me right now. I'm going to go back and hang out with the pumpkin monster.

I'd rather, you know what? Yeah, well, I'm taking my chances with pumpkin man, all right? So they have all asleep again. The daughter wakes up again later on that night yelling, he's biting me, he's biting me. Mom yells, get away from her at the kid's nightmare. Yep. Yep. Good ones.

And mom says, in Jesus' name, get out again. And then Mom explains, yeah, I just said in Jesus' name, so it has to leave. That's a rule. Yeah, no, it's like being a cop. Yeah, and then the demon's like, and the foyer's flipping through the rules. He's like, nope, I actually don't have to leave.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna be here for don't have to leave. I'm sorry. I'm gonna be here for the rest of the movie. I'm gonna be here for at least like 30 more minutes. This is just not a fact too. The bread is not safe in this house. Yeah, that's all I'm saying. And then daughters one and three run in like 45 seconds later and they're like, we heard you screaming

and we were mildly concerned. I'm not all the way to pee, you know, cause I just woke up, but. I know that there has been a series of screams for the last half an hour from this room, but I finally came downstairs. Run into room, I'm scared too. Yeah.

What? She says, what's going on mom and Ashley's like, I think we're in a fucking exorcism movie. They're like, oh no. They're like, let's all sleep together on the same bed, like who sinned in me with the cats or something Well, anyway, things are getting pretty serious trust us very very serious actually so we're gonna take one more break But first let me give act three the hard sell

Will Ashley right call the police on the demons for barbecuing in the park will she asked to speak to its manager? Will she yell at it about a coupon? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the heroic conclusion of the exorcism in Amarillo. I feel very confident that all three of those things happened during the making of this movie over the course of whatever it was. Okay, quick quick welcome to the team. I'm as Maudias. I'll be your demon trainer today. Hi, it's it's Paka, by the way, not a big deal. Quick quicka. Paka.

Cracka. Yep. That's it. Cool. Yeah. So, Pionga, you'll be doing a follow shift. You just watch what I do. See how I torment, you know, just get used to the job. Okay, great. Yeah. All right. So here's the game plan. I like to start with noises. I'll do a doorbell first. Oh, oh, you're done? You just, yeah, you're just gonna ring the doorbell and that's and that's it. Yeah. Yeah good old Uh ding dong ditch torment, right right seems like really low impact demon thing I'm building a moment pionka building a moment. You need an arc in your demons. Okay fine fine fine. I'm sorry I'm just learning yeah, so what next?

Okay, well you're gonna like this part. We really start ramping it up here. I'm sorry. I'm just learning. Yeah. So what next? Okay. Well, you're gonna like this part. We really start ramping it up here I'm gonna move There there's stuff. Oh Like hide their weapons. Nope. No. No, I like like bread You're gonna move their bread. You mean like fly it around like make it no fly and you know, I Okay, that's actually pretty good. But no, no, I mean like fly it around like make it no fly and you know I okay. That's actually pretty good But no, no, I mean like like not the bread off the counter

Feels like that could just happen without a demon though again building the Ark. I'm peeling the onion beyond What does that even mean? What are you talking about? You'll understand one day, but don't worry phase three It's where we really get spicy and bring on the infernal torment with some insect work. Nice. You're going to do like a plague of locusts, eat their skin off their faces? What? No, no. But again, that's actually really solid. No, no, no. We're going to do, um, we can do a bug bite. Like a mosquito? I can do a bug bite. Like a mosquito? Exactly. Mosquito itchy right on the upper arm. That's possibly the least annoying place for a mosquito bite. Yeah. Fuck. Okay, you keep making good points. That's a really good point.

You know, this feels like you're not really advancing the cause of the ultimate evil. So listen. Nothing personal, but I'm just gonna take off. I need a job where I can really make a difference for evil Yeah, no, I get it. That's fair. Like what kind of job were you thinking thinking pastor? Maybe smart. Yes That's that's a good plan for evil. This keeps happening. All right. Anyway, uh, later Pwaga Paka, yeah Nailed it. And we're back for still more of this shit.

We're going to rejoin the action the next morning. Nothing still having happened. Right. Deja vu. Again, the dirt bucket moved. And again, I'm like, is that not where you... Is that okay? That's not where you last went, right?

Yeah. And she actually asked the daughter. She's like, hey girls, did you randomly move my bucket of ominous music to the front door? And then the two girls that are there are like, what? No, it's too heavy. No. I was like, okay, weird lie. Jane is the demon now.

Okay, got it. Obviously, yeah. So we get Ashley, she's studying the Bible for a bit. She starts praying aloud to God asking like, Hey, how did we bring a demon into our house? I have crosses everywhere like literally everywhere. If you pull up the carpet, there are crosses under it. Okay. So like, how the hell? Yeah, the line she reads, I think twice or three times from the Bible is The line she reads, I think twice or three times from the Bible is this kind can only come out by prayer, meaning like you can only get rid of this type of demon with praying.

So are there demons with like different difficulty levels? Like one, yeah, like one has hydrogen peroxide or something. This one comes out with a tide pen and then like this yeah. But this one, you need magic. So yeah, so she calls the pastor, right? She's like, pastor, you got to come and do some demon shit. And then we get this moment where she's like, she's in her daughter's room, she's in Jaina's room, putting up the laundry, and she sees that haunted book

half hidden under the pillow. What's the haunted book that we're talking about here? Is it Everybody Needs a Church? Noah, is that the haunted? Okay, all right, just want to make sure. Totally the next book I we're talking about here? Is it Everybody Needs a Church? Noah, is that the haunted? Okay. All right. Just want to make sure. Totally the next book I'm going to make Eli read. I wanted to be like the diary van Frank in a dictionary and you're like,

these are banned. This is evil. He's been banned in the state of Florida. Yeah. So she grabs the book and she runs to Jane and she's like, where did you get this book? And she's like from the box of old books. I got it from watching you. Yeah, right. She goes, why did you read this?

And she goes, because it's a book. I don't get the question. She says, and I quote, it's a book about witchcraft. Everybody needs a church, you bet. Yeah, yeah, everybody. I looked it up on Amazon. It's not about. Yeah. It doesn't say satanic church in front of that. It just says everybody needs a church. Yeah. Right.

I guess the movie forgot it and showed us the book or whatever. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. So that this is where we established that this movie is all about the dangers of Ouija boards and shit. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And she says this book and this again, I have to take this as a quote. She goes, this is why the house has been disrupted lately. Ah! Ah! There's like, Noah is doing this line way more justice

than he fucking deserves. That's the pause right there. There's like a 20 second pause between two parts of this sentence. How is that possible? Yeah, and then she's like, Jaina, you need to apologize to God and pray for forgiveness, even though it isn't your fault.

And I'm like, wow, did you just accidentally explain Christianity in a nutshell? Whoops. Whoops. God, please forgive me for accidentally reading Everybody Needs a Church. I'm very sorry. The end.

Now write that a 500 times. And then the hero angrily throws away books, right? Like the hero of this movie's heroic moment is throwing books in the garbage can. Okay, if you really think it's a demon, I feel like you have to get rid of the book more than just barely outside the house in the garbage can right you haven't curbed this yet This is like your days like your three days from trash day here

Look, yeah, and if and if your demon is able to move bread in a box of soil He could definitely move a book right in your house I'm not skittering around here. It's got magician thread and everything. Your demon doesn't skip leg day. We know. Right, we've seen it. Right. So, okay.

So that night, there's a knock on the door. It's not the demon. This time it's the pastor. It might as well be the demons. Now this is my favorite scene in the whole. It's a Dick Tracy villain with a ridiculous mask. The rest of the movie pales in comparison He is clearly wearing a bozo wig

Like like I said earlier he's got pork rinds taped to his face And he's always got his head face down So you can't really see him and he's completely covered in shadow So you can't really see him and he's completely covered in shadow Scariest thing in this movie is the oh absolutely So yeah one of the hallmarks of the right family films is that nobody except the family is willing to be in them So once in a while though rope in like an uncle or grandpa or whatever, but they have put him in a mask right I feel like the chicken wanted a mask and they wouldn't give it Right. I feel like the chicken wanted a mask and they wouldn't give it to you. Yeah

So the pastor is like this dude in a mask doing his fucking pugga peg a corn voice or whatever He's like 28 beers into his evening. Oh, yeah, right at this point And I so I forgot that they always do that So I just saw his giant fucking meat slab hands and I was like, oh, that's they. Oh, right. They always do this. Yeah. OK. So, yeah. So she says she explains to the pastor, she's like, you know, this all started when I picked up a box of free books off of Craigslist. They were religious, so I thought they'd be fine.

But it turned out there was a cult book in there. Dundun. She says cult book. Like my mom has to specify a kink, right? It was so funny. Yeah, and then the pastors explanation is like, I'm getting too old for this shit. Like he's like 100% like I ain't trained for this. They didn't train for this. Like get the fuck out of here.

You're an evangelical. This is your wet dream. Right. Okay. His exact words were, This is your wet dream. Right. Okay. His exact words were, I don't tature these things. This is insane. It's insane.

It's so scary. Cause he's fucking wrecked at this point. He does this whole scene just cursing the whole time. I'm so drunk. He's like, look between you and me, I've never believed all this demon bullshit. Yeah, it's in the Bible, whatever. Bible, it's all but just silly nonsense. I never believed all those demon bullshit. Yeah, it's in the Bible. Whatever Bible. It's all but just silly nonsense

I never believed any of this insane pork rind rubber mask is making somehow his accent come off as an old Jewish man And so so she talks him into running around and saying some prayers doing some exorcism with some holy water or whatever But then there's this moment where like he's supposed to freak out at the demon and run away like he sees the flash of the pumpkin demon or whatever. But what's very clearly actually happening is this man is freaking out because the mask is too tight and he can't breathe. Too tight in the mask?

He actually literally clearly was hyperventilating from this mask and having a drunk ass panic attack feeling It's too hot in here take the mask off. I'm gonna vomit. I'm gonna vomit through the eye holes Cut his actual line according to the closed captioning is Ashley help by the having trouble breathing and Then and then he says now at this point the close captioning just says mumbling and but it but what he actually says he is Take my mask He's like a he's like a drunk guy on a catamaran snorkeling

I am breathing more. Oh God, I keep breathing. Yeah. I'm breathing more. Oh God, I keep breathing. Yeah. So yes, but he runs away. The demon scared him off and we are sad to see him go. Also, the jump scare, can I just stop real quick

for the jump scare of the demon because it's a down shot, right? So like when you're trying to shoot something that's supposed to be impressive or scary, you shoot it from below. I mean, you know this like when you're trying to shoot something that's supposed to be impressive or scary, you shoot it from below. I mean, you know this, like you're supposed to shoot from below, shoot looking up at it because it's imposing, but instead it's like this super high down shot

of the demon and he looks like the widows demon. You can have a widowsy, Izzy have a little pause. He looks so cute. You're just like, get the fuck out. It's not even scary. It looks like a fucking jowl. Like you're gonna knock him, you're gonna take his lunch money like get the fuck out. It's not even scary. It looks like a fucking jowl Take his lunch money The flash to the demons high school yearbook photo for a second. Okay, he's getting pants. Yeah, right, right

He's got a mullet nice. Yeah, also too when he's when he's leaving the house the pastors leave in the house He's like beatboxing on the way. I was like the house, the pastor's leaving the house. He's like beatboxing on the way. I was like, the whole way out of the house. It is the best. He's fucking hyperventilating in that man. He runs away. She's sitting at the dining room table now. She's got no pastor. Nobody's nobody's there to help her. Rough times. And again, now, so this is where I started to realize that, like, because they said that this was based on a true story and it is,

it's based on that time. Her daughter had some nightmares and the bread fell off the counter Because that's the story and her daughter got a real mosquito bite and she was like that is a demon probably Yep, cuz of that now so then like there's this moment where she like runs to the hallway And she's got her hands over her ears and she starts singing, but there's no noise. So clearly like they meant to add demon noises in the background here or whatever and had trouble finding some or something. Okay, her singing was pretty close though.

Like I think it's like a high-pumped-o, right? It's rough. Could that be more off-key? I don't even, I'm not, I'm not gonna profess myself as somebody who's musical, but I even, I know that was bad. I was like, holy shit! The candle in the next shot knew it was bad. Like, she sings and then there's like a 45 second, like, oh, artistic shot of a candle closer, like American beauty as far as they can do. And somehow the candle is angry about being next to the singer.

She listened to her sing for a while and then she's like, she grabs her little tiny holy water bottle, right? She starts running around, she goes, in the name of Jesus, no evil can enter. And then she starts wondering if the demon like it goes by Heath rules or whatever. And she goes, also, also, if a demon's already here, it has to leave. There's no standing on base, okay? It can't be on base when I use the holy, and also can I just point out like the water that she got was from her cowardly lion pastor.

Like how powerful could that water be? Barney Fife waved his fucking one bullet over it. But as she's doing that, there's another knock on the door and the doorbell starts to ring and she screams and I'm like, please let it be Amway. Okay. I'd like to talk to you about your car warranty. Will you answer the door?

But it's like doorbell, two, three, four. Scream, I'm screaming now. And we watch her, the actor count literally two, three, four with her hand and then scream. And then so the kids try to run down and see what mom's screaming about. They can't open the door. The door, the demons holding their door closer, whatever. Oh yeah, demons holding the door. Yeah. That's right. Finally mom gets the door. She opens it and it was dead. He's home from war.

It changed the lock. Right. Why is he wringing the fucking bell? Does he not have a key? Mom gets the door, she opens it and it was dead. He's home from war. It changed the locks. Right. Why is he rigging the fucking bell? Does he not have a key? Wow. Mom really moved on, didn't she? Yeah. It changed the locks as an additional just small that's pretty good.

Even thing. That's not bad. Oh, yeah. Solid. Yeah. So so dad comes in, the kids run down to see him and Ashley's like, look, I know you just got home. I hate to hit you with this right away, but there is a demon haunting, because I accidentally brought home a witchcraft book from Craigslist.

Petrap in the bathroom is leaking. Also, yeah. There's a demon. Ha ha ha ha. Well, in tourist credit, David takes this shit and strides, and he's like, well, you know, there's demons or like spiders, right? That's man's work. I get it. He picks his shoe up, and he holds the heel out, and he walks like, well, you know, there's like demons or like spiders, right? That's man's work. I get it. He picks his shoe up and he holds the heel out

and he walks off the screen. You know, give it a whack. I'll get the demon. Let me get a cup. I'll leave it, I'll let it out in the garden. What I'll do, I'll put it out in the garden. I'm gonna put it on my Olive Garden demon. So he says, I'm gonna cast it out of the house.

And then they will get the best continuity error in the movie, right? He says, don't worry, honey. going to cast it out of the house. And then they would get the best continuity error in the movie, right? He says, don't worry, honey, I'll cast it out. And then we get him waking her up from the couch and going, honey, go into the kid's room. I'm going to cast out the demon now. Taylor, you told me already. Okay. Right.

Get some rest. Yeah. He first he tells you, he's like, go lay down. And then she does. And then he's like, get up and go lay down. Yeah, straight first he tells you like go lay down and then she does and he's like get up and go lay down Yeah, yeah, sir. I'll lay down elsewhere though. Yeah, so so they go into the daughter's room and they're like, hey I'm gonna stay in here with you while dad prays away that demon daughter to possess daughter goes What's prayer gonna do and then everybody gasps like Eddie Valiant just got angry in front of to town, right? Pointing Jane is column though is prayer hasn't done

Very good point, but mom freaks out when Jana says that mom's like it's gonna heal our house you bitch Why did we write the atheist into our movie So David right he goes downstairs and he's gonna do some manly Bible quoting and you know what that means, Ephesians 617, baby. The manliest of the Bible. This one's got a sword in it. The armor of God. And of course, he's dead.

He's down there naming the armor of God out loud to himself. Yes. To like remind himself of what he's reading also aloud. And then he actually owns the armor of God. Yes, he's got the sword. We see him pick up the sword. Like a LARP helmet and a sword you get from like a truck stop or something. Late night TV. Well, right.

I was going to say, and far be it from me to make fun of a guy for having a sword while Cecil's on the show, right? But the sword that this guy rode off on his taxes. Yeah, but this guy only has one sword. It sucks Noah. Right. And he wrote it off in his taxes

because he used it in this movie, right? That's the thing is that the whole movie was like, all right, but in this one I get a sword, right? That was his condition. Oh, I love this so much. Okay, this guy definitely also owns like the new Chakoo of Nazareth or something. But actually it was like, that's not in the Bible.

We shouldn't do that. He goes, at one point, while he's doing his mainly Bible versus he goes, in the name of Jesus Christ, he says to the demon, in the name of Jesus Christ, I will track on you. And I said, what? And he goes, I will tread on you. And I'm like, you know, you can take multiple takes, right?

He does not. You just start over. And then, oh, God, I have to point this one out to the cupboards are opening and closing. And they're going for that, you know, the cupboard rattling as the demons going through kind of thing that you see in so many exercise and movies, but they don't know how to do that. So the cupboards are just like, so clearly one of the kids is sitting inside poking it in

and out a little bit. Just like, again, the demon is so lazy. He's like, all right, I already moved bread and everything. I'm just opening and closing a bit. I'm not shaking the damn thing. He's like, all right, I already moved bread and everything. I'm just opening and closing a bit I'm not shaking the damn thing. He's like the only doing the one hand. He's on a phone Zana's 15. I will say though of all the special effects in the movie. This was the best one and it's all so terrible Yeah, right, right this goes up for so long There's no way we can express to you how long this guy walks around yelling at this demon.

Oh man. Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, the thing is, is like, there's whole shows out there where these people just yell at the dark and you could just watch people just yell at the dark for half an hour on TV on like the travel destination America channel. They have all these go shows. And this is literally what he does. He just picks his Bible up and he screams at his house while it's dark.

That's literally it. You're like, okay, all right, now you can calm down and drink your beer and watch the Lions game. Right. Well, and to bring the mood down again, like Cecil has been, like what Cecil probably did just by bringing up the Lions, this is gonna come out on Tuesday.

I just, I have a bad feeling. Anyway. But consider it, like again, they say this is a true story. So at some point, one of their kids brought home a book or she picked up some books on Craigslist and there was a book in there that was about witchcraft or whatever, or about mythology, whatever,

you know, it was a Harry Potter book, whatever the hell counts in her mind as a book about witchcraft. And so, and then the power went out that day and the bread fell down a couple of days later or whatever. And then she actually ran around the house trying to exercise demons for hours at a time. Like those poor fucking kids.

Like what a great exemplar of what's wrong with the Christian religion. The fact that this is a true story. Now it is a true story, right? Because nothing has actually happened in this movie except the bread fell down and she forgot where she left her bucket. Yeah, and one kid acted up.

Like, and then they blamed it on demons. So, and I don't tell you, and then they got mad that there's a book in the house. So yeah, all those things are perfectly in line with the Christian worldview too. Yeah, well, and here's hoping the daughter was just playing along and not actually mentally ill, right? Yeah, right I'm gonna ask a question

The guy is walking around the house and he's screaming stuff and he's actually reading what the Bible verses But at one point he just screams out is like yeah and demon Matthew 18 18, huh? And then he like looks around the room and I'm thinking I don't know what Matthew 18 18 is Like do the demons have to be like, fuck, I got a cross reference now. What is he saying? What is Matthew? Call up the spreadsheet, Joe.

I need to know what Matthew 1818 says. I'm pretty sure that means I have to go. Or the demon was like, fuck Matthew 1818. He was like, this guy knows what I'm talking about. This guy. No. Yes, you know. Don't make me read it all the way out, right?

I love that the dad tries different tones of voice. He does. Like a scoldy dad. But then he's like, he tries the nice dad for a second. He's like, okay, leave this house or no more iPad time for any reason. So weird. And then at one point, okay, this was weird.

He said, you get behind me and you stay behind me Satan. Yes. So first of all, was he like bargaining with his prayers to like hedge it at that point? It was like, okay, you don't have to leave but you stand further behind me a little bit. So, so you know how sometimes like you're walking in and from outside and it feels like there's somebody behind you, you know how sometimes you're walking in from outside and it feels like there's somebody behind you

and you don't wanna look back, because if you look back, then you will admit that you're scared or whatever. This is what this man does in those situations. He says, I know you're back there Satan. You just stay back there. No, I ain't gonna turn around because I ain't gonna get you the satisfaction.

That feels accurate. Okay. Interesting. So yeah, but he screams Bible versus Pro. Wow. It's like I have in my nose over and over again. I can't believe this is still going on. Really long scene.

They didn't need an editor and he was the editor, so he kept it all in. And then, but then we hear Jaina screaming upstairs. She's like, scream laughing, right? She laughs so long and so loud that she like kind of throws like, you know how like when you're not used to running and you start like, you think, oh, I'm gonna sprint real quick.

And then you like throw out your fucking hip or whatever you're like, oh man, what do I think? I do that. She did that with her voice. And she 100% breaks her own voice while she's laughing. I felt bad, they made her laugh way too long. Way too long. It was like the screaming from early.

Like she switched to different accents during this crazy long laugh. Like, no, keep going, keep going. She actually lands on goat man at one point. She was like, ha, ha, like it was so weird. Yeah, no, I said she's screaming now like far off Cecil in an Eli sketch or something, yeah. But dad breaks it and he's like,

oh, now I gotta exercise the daughter. So we've got mom holding her still, I'm writing to my notes, oh my God, the true story is that they neglected their daughter's mental illness, isn't it? Yes, yes, that's the sad part. But he gets the demon out, nothing really happens, right? Because that's the theme of the movie.

And he'd cast the demon out and then he's like, okay, now, Jaina, you have to answer truthfully if this is Jaina, so Jaina isn't you. And I'm thinking the demon lies, doesn't he? Can he just be like, yup, totally Jaina, 100% Jaina. Well, he thinks of that, Cecil. He goes, all right, well, now you have, 100% Jaina. Well, he thinks of that sea, so he goes, all right, well now you have to say Jesus is Lord.

And it's like, oh yeah, you can't say Jesus is Lord, you're right. Oh, you're right, I missed that part. You're right, he out thought me, you know what? Can't they lie and say Jesus is Lord? Nope, nope, they can't say that. Can't just come out of their demon mouth. So we get a big family hug, dad praise one more time.

We had this, to see what he has to let the demon out through the front door. He like opens door, like he's letting the cat out. He opens the front door. He rolls his Bible up, he's like, go lay down. He starts swanning at the demon. He lets the demon out and then he locks the deadbolt. Cause otherwise the demon would just walk right back in.

It just come right back. Why you got a lock? He's not an idiot. the demon would just walk right back. Yeah He's not an idiot the demon would just come back it stupid we get him anointing the door with oil And then we get him anointing the back door too again. She's not dumb, right? They I thought we're gonna get him anointing each window It's pretty great. They take out their great value olive oil from Walmart Like literally that he pours it into a coffee mug. Maybe the pumpkin spice one could be very possibly and he says exact words in the name of Jesus Christ I anoint this oil. Mm-hmm, but that you anoint things with oil To the oil by rubbing it with the adjacent oil in the cup in some weird theoretical sense. Right. This is like, this is like putting a

little water in the shampoo, you know, to get that stuff out of the edge. That's the oil version of the same thing, right? Or, or it's like, it's like, you know, you could wish for more wishes from a genie. Okay. Also, if they know how to do all this shit, isn't like a fucking ounce of prevention necessary? Shouldn't you have done this before you went in front of your green screen of Iraq? Exactly. Like, shouldn't you have, like, anointed your house before you left? You put up a fence. Yeah, you were worried about coyotes and not demons?

Yeah. Come on. Come on. And then he says, like he says out loud to the fucking audience, I guess. He's like, yeah, this is a good thing I believe in Jesus. This would have been way harder if I was like a fucking atheist or a Muslim or whatever. Okay, to be clear, the point of the story is books of magic spells are evil. And then they won the movie

by using a book of magic spells. Oh, you're right, they did. It's so stupid. And then we pan up to his Jesus sword hanging on the wall. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the end of the movie, but we get this title card that has just a hilarious amount of text on it, right? We get the fucking the time cube of title cards here.

Right. And it is the most massage. at the fucking the time tube of title cards here. Right? And it is the most misogynist thing you could possibly imagine. It was like mom couldn't worry her pretty little head about actually casting out the demons in the movie, but she did it in real life. And then we actually had to bring dad in because he wouldn't edit it unless he was the hero

of the movie. Right, unless it was he, it was the one kicking the ass, right? It says like, nothing about this movie just changed, except that the husband didn't actually come back from war. And then she adds, she's like, I put that in to stress the importance of the head of households. I'm like, oh, Jesus.

Yikes. Like a tax thing? No, no, the massage or anything. Like a tax thing? No. No, the massage or anything. No, no, no, no. You know what? You're right. Burn those books.

And then it closes with these fucking words. It says, spiritual warfare is real. The devil prowls like a roaring lion waiting to devour. Be careful. Be vigilant. Guard your family. Okay, I don't think when lions prowl, they would roar. They would probably be quiet.

It would be dumb, yeah. It definitely feels like that would go against the silent nature of a prowl. They wouldn't carry around a bright red light, and knock over your shit. I also too, I want to say that the end credits, thankfully very short in this movie, five people worked on it, and they list that they're all the same people

because they're all in the family. And then they, there's so few people in the end credits, they had to fade out the praise music at the end mid lyric. Yeah, right. You're mid lyric in this phrase. It's like, and we love the blogger. That was it. And that's the end of the movie.

Like in the middle of there, it's like, yep. All right, let's get that logo back up here that that little kid made. And also I have to point out that everyone is as themselves. It's like Ashley Hayes, right? As Ashley Hayes, right? You know, that Kaden's right, as Kaden's right, Jaina right, as Jaina right.

Except for David, where it says David right as husband. I feel like there was a fight that happened there. Where it says David Wright as husband I Feel like there was a fight that happened there all right well so see so how excited are you now to binge the rest of the right? Family filmography if you guys do not invite me for more right films. I will be so mad at you guys I'm telling you DC Haven't done that one man. We've been I want the chupacabra one whatever For that the new Atlas shrugged whenever they do four five and six. Oh, yeah, and then Neil brane Neil Brane I guys gotta get me back for those. But yeah, man. All right. I like I like add into this list

Oh, and also while we got you here. I hear a rumor that you have a new show out. I do it's called lawful assembly. It's with a law professor and Legal activist and immigration activist. He's been a law professor for decades And he's been a immigration lawyer for decades and he's an activist in that field and he's a great guy He's also a reverend, but he's a reverend from a very sort of liberal leftist church. And he has very, I think, very sort of ideals that I can get behind even if I can't get behind the, the why he gets to him and how he gets to him. And we agree on a lot of stuff and we disagree on a lot of stuff.

And it's a lot of fun to have a good conversation with somebody who's an expert about the law. So if you're interested, you can check out Lawful Assembly and it is at lawfulpod.com. Right on, right on. And who knows, maybe something immigration related will hit the news and it'll be super relevant sometimes, so that'd be great.

Yeah, sure, yeah. Well, obviously we'll also have that one linked on the show notes, along with a link to hear more from Cecil on cognitive dissonance. Cecil, thank you so much for hanging out with us, dude. Thanks guys. It's a blast as always. Cheers to you. Cheers, buddy And well that well that does it for our review of the exorcism and amaryllis That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to lure ourselves back into the same trap

So Heath tell us what's on deck? We're going back to the Grampsiverse. Oh, we've got best friends We've got best friends recycled. Oh my God, the right family one week and Donald James Parker. The next is it my fucking birthday. DJ P. My cup runneth over. All right. So with that to look forward to a work and bring episode 441 to our merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Cecil for hanging out with us today.

Again, check the show notes for links to his stuff. And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com.com. And thereby earn only access to an ad for every episode. You can also help with time by leaving a five star review and sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows.

This is the game that gave you the excitation to DMD minus and the skeptocrat available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or sit-em-ass suggestions, you can get about God-Offle movies at gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatt and Beaver Joshua Marsh. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Mark Clarkham was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your at gmail.com. Tim Marappas takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slutton and Beaver Jaffa Marsh. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Martin Clarke

and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week. For Heathen, Ray and Neely Bostic, I'm Delicians, working hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club clothes. Ashley is still frying that egg. She is though. The Wright family managed to keep their children safe from books from that point on.

Moments after they wrapped, David put his rubber mask back on. Ashley put on the Satan mask and she got behind him hard. Oh shit. All right. And if you'd like to support us supporting the right family to make a bunch more movies. Go to patreon.com. Slash. Plate of croutes.

Listen, I started laughing because I've done that so many times. Especially as a kid, I was like, my favorite part of salad is croutons and shredded cheese. And little ham chunks and eggs, and the little eggs, the diced eggs. Put like one piece of lettuce under all of that. No, it's a salad. Cecil was poor. He didn't go to the Wendy's salad. We didn't have salad bars. It's rich.

You had to push it in your pockets when you did. It was tough. It was tough. All right. So I don't know if I'm comfortable with interstitial too. This is great. This is good shit. We're rolling.

It's good shit literally. Okay. Interstitial 2.