God Awful Movies - 445: His Only Son

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of His Only Son, the story of that time God pranked Abraham into attempted filicide. --- To get tickets to see us live in Orlando, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-orlando-florida-tickets-778242784117 --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

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You were going to fuck those angels. There's totally a moment where Escalim is like well But you know Sodom and Gomorrah did have it coming and everybody's like yep, they did have it coming They sure did yeah And Abraham because again Abraham's not in that story. He's sort of like yeah, that's not my circus not my monkey Why would I introduce it in this book also he kills everybody in a big flood I feel like we're just bringing up a bunch of my bad shit. God awful movie.

Welcome back to the Gamecast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because they haven't even apologized yet. I'm your host, Noah Lusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend, Heath. And right, Heath, welcome back! Thanks Noah. Dumbest Bible story ever. They made a movie about it.

Dumbest one they made a movie about, that's for fucking sure. And sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnik. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Tell me, friend, are you the one they call? No, I've since changed it to Noah. I forgot he changed his name by adding a letter. It's all. Yes.

It's my only note. Both. Level like a Pokemon. Yeah, like a Pokemon. That is the. And it might be the least dumb. I'm sorry to jump directly into the review, but the least dumb thing about this movie is the most dumb thing I've ever heard.

Listen, they don't believe in evolution, so you're being blasphemous right now. That's true. That's fair. With the Pokemon stuff. What about the rocks? Can you do the magic rocks in the Bible? They have rocks now, right? So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched His Only Son. It's the story of that time that God got really bored

and set up a hidden camera prank show to fuck with Abraham, which was fun. Yep, that's the one. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love slow, pointless walking, but you wish it all led to your religion's most obvious weak point, you will love this movie. It's A Board of the Rings, everybody. Oh, nice.

Yep, that's it. That's it. I have the guys down in my notes as the mellow ship of the ring, so yeah. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst. Everybody hates Isaac in this fucking movie. Every time Isaac talks, everybody in the movie's just like, shut the fuck up, get out of the sketch, Isaac.

Oh, God, I'm going to stab you already. Oh my God. Oh, I can only imagine that the creator of the universe also hates you, Isaac. I know he's supposed to love everybody, but I just want to be clear. I like you the least though. Yeah. So I'm going to go with best worst. It's right in the title best worst son counting, right?

As our favorite listener, April Poff asked me when we were doing this one, how the fucking Isaac be his only son when his rape baby ish male is archering this way through the fucking woods at this point in the story, right? Which they acknowledge in the story. They sure do. They sure do. I'm really hoping that when you buy the DVD, there's like small print underneath the title that's like the one he liked. Stop. Yeah. It's Sarah's only son. And I'm going to go with best worst racism defense

This movie adds a side plot to the Bible you wouldn't think Christians would love that but apparently it's fine if you're Filling for time on fucking pure flicks. Nothing in the Bible that says this didn't happen Right exactly. It's the-bud version of biblical scholarship. Yes, exactly. Keep in mind, this is a religion that has splintered multiple times about what they mean by, I'm sorry to their best friend God. But that's fine. You're apparently allowed to add side quests.

And that side quest that they've added is, them people are like that, though. Yes, it sure the fuck is. All right. Well, they're about to turn three paragraphs of the Bible into a movie, so needless to say, we all got some padding to do, so we're going to start with a quick break, then we'll dive into all the creative license that is... His Only Son. Okay everybody, very excited to welcome you all to the first ever Writers Room meeting for his only son in which we get to tell the moving and important story of Abraham

and Isaac. Whoa! Yeah so as you know this story in the Bible is what's 18 sentences so we're gonna have to probably punch it up a bit. Sorry, punch it up? Yeah. Well, you know, add some context. Like biblical context? Add that? Yeah, sure.

So for the most part, we could like tell the story of Isaac being born, for example. Oh, yeah, I mean that's in the Bible, so I guess that's okay. Yeah, you know, in the banishing of Hagar. Okay, sorry, you want us to include the story of Sarah banishing the slave that she gave to her husband to impregnate? To rape, yeah, I mean, I don't want to, but, you know, like, for time. For time, sure. For time. OK. So is that going to be like enough time? No, probably not.

Um, maybe we should maybe they could like run into some people on the road. Right. Sorry. You want to add a subplot to the Bible story that we are representing where they run into people on the road Well again, I don't want to do anything guys, but we need to make a movie. Okay fine fine So who do they run into on the road? Oh my god? I don't know they run into some bad guys Okay, some bad. Okay some bad guys. What why why would they run into bad guys? Well cuz they're bad They're're rapists.

Okay. What's the lesson of that? Yeah. The lesson is that those guys are bad. Okay. So just to sort of circle back, we're're gonna tell the story of Isaac, including the banished pregnant lady, and we're gonna add them running into bad guys on the road. Is that enough for the movie? Yes. Okay. Fine. We might need a Jesus chaser. Come on.

I said might. Hey podcast listener, I'm No Illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. And I'm Heathen Wright. And this week, we wanted to talk about our favorite sponsor of all, our patrons. That's right. The folks who support this show over at Patreon.com. We'll make up the vast majority of this show's financial support and we cannot thank them

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Okay. For 4000 years, which is a weird way to count that, right? It's not like the second he was born. He started inspiring people to religion. Right. And also he meets God like in person. It's not faith at that point, is it? So have you ever heard somebody mention the faith of Abraham being their inspiration? That's like the worst example of faith in the entire new and old Testament. Yeah horrible and they made a movie about it Spoiler alert the only people who ever talk about the faith of Abraham are Christians talking about Jews and spoiler alert. That is what this movie is. Yeah Yeah, the title card says the full account of Abraham's life is recorded in the book of Genesis. I was like full account He's introduced in chapter 12. He's dead by chapter 26. I feel like there's not this shit He's got like a cameo in Genesis. Exactly. So there's a there's a couple of Bible blurbs about Abraham.

Has a very like GOP candidate who Trump once said their name at a rally. And so now that quote is on their website vibe to it. Yes. I wrote in my notes, Abraham, true fan of me, huge fan, second to best. Jesus Christ. So we open, it's 2000 BC.

We're in a hovel in the desert one night when Abraham is awakened by the voice of God. God, by the way, has a great movie trailer voice. Oh, yeah. Really, really goes full boomy God voice. Hey, Abraham, buddy. Real quick, am I on speaker with Isaac or just regular on the phone? So just you and me on the line. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and find God. God's on me, President. It just fits easy. Yeah. Can't do a little in-ear voice thing. I gotta get out of bed. Yeah, right. Okay, that's fine.

I mean, I'm not even involved in this conversation. You're just gonna talk to me, but okay. And then we see God, very rare in these movies. We see God from a distance. He's dressed like Enzo from Assassin's Creed, right? Yeah, I was gonna say, if I saw this, I'd be like, oh, so you chose to be a Bronze Age guy like me, cool. No, no, that's...

So weird. That's what I was hoping you would appear as creator of the universe. So then, and of course, God says, Abraham, kill your only son, Isaac. And we're like, oh, straight in, okay. And also burn him as a sacrifice. Yeah, right. When we jumped straight in like this, I was like, oh, straight in, okay. And also burn him as a sacrifice. Yeah, right.

When we jumped straight in like this, I was like, oh, okay, so what's the rest of the hour and 44 minute movie going to be about? It's walking, by the way, it's walking. Mostly walking. You're already halfway through the biblical story at this point. Yeah, so then we get our title card, which is great,

because we're almost done with the story. And then we open on the next morning, Abe sitting in quiet contemplation. We get him loading up the donkey, all morose. He's packing up philicide stuff in a snit. Just killing my burn son. And also I wanna point out, cause they try to do this like Abe

as a simple peasant thing at the beginning. Wildly Abe biblical, okay? Abe is supposed to be crazy fucking rich. He's a buddy with the kings. Over and over again in his story, the Bible says he's got a lot of livestock, gold, silver, male and female slaves that points out multiple times, right? So this is supposed to be an incredibly rich guy here.

Right, but the movie tries to portray it like he's the leader of a well-meaning commune. Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Like he goes at one point that we're about to see and visits some servant, but it's more like he's a buddy boss, you know, like, hey, I just wanted to make sure we were all celebrating Jerry's birthday. Yes, right. My slave, yes. I'm a god king from the Bronze Age. Also, I have to point this out because it's the first time I was gonna realize, so this movie will employ lots of flashbacks where there's young Abraham and Sarah

and old Abraham and Sarah, and they weren't gonna hire four fucking actors, no way. So we will just, most of the movie, old Abraham and old Sarah will be painted up like they're in a school play Yes, it doesn't really work on camera and it doesn't matter when they flash in time It's just Sarah and Abraham having messy fights for most of the movie. It's walking plus that in flashback. Yeah That's what we're doing. Yeah. Well, and let's keep in mind too that these characters are supposed to be 75 in the young part of the movie and over 100 in the old part of it. So they could

have just had old people and then painted them up older, but no. No, absolutely not. By the way, these fights are juu fights. Okay. If you're a Jewish or ex Jewish listener, you have heard this while you were trying to fall asleep as a child. This first friend, let us, it's fine. So don't take the sack with all the good goat skins. I didn't say I wasn't gonna take it. He then knows notes are appropriately silent in the semitism of this fight.

I want you to know you're both excellent allies in that none of you just wrote, Jew fight over and over and over again in your notes like I did. Okay. I was just like straight up team Sarah the whole time. Everything she's saying is reasonable because her husband keeps claiming for decades that he sees God and he's like, Oh God, promise me this, it's going to work out great. Nothing ever works out great. So she just mad the whole time very justifiably.

Right. And Abraham's trying to soften things already. It's just mad the whole time, very justifiably. Right. And Abraham's trying to soften things already. He's like, hey, so Sarah, like how are we feeling about Isaac today? Like are we positive? Yeah, really as a big fan. The chores done lately.

Okay, no, okay. Are we just too much Xbox? No, okay. So yeah, so but Sarah's like, you know, I don't want you to go on this trip. It makes no fucking sense. And he's like, I'm going and she's like, all right, well, we'll go. And he says, I'm going to take Isaac instead. And she's like, don't do that. Right. And then of course, she's like, all right, we'll take a couple of other guys too, because it's going to be really hard to sustain a feature length script with

just you and the kid for dialogue. So, you know, right. Also, you guys don't talk on the way to the mountain in the Bible. Right. Then we get like the fucking rounding up the team sequence. Right? He's gonna get his fucking team together. We start with Elisir and okay,

this is just a dude with a Hispanic accent, right? Like this guy is just using, like the filmmakers are like, no, no, it's fine. It's foreign and you're brown. Nobody will notice, right? Okay, so I know this is a bit of a call forward because we haven't released the March bonus episode yet, but I will point out that this is now the second actor

in a row who has been ad-yard over by unrevealed meme, Senior Pets. I think it's really taking over our careers at this point. It's too much of a call forward for me. And I just feel like we need to get out in front of it. You might have time dimension manipulation. It's possible. I feel like the bits have taken over

and senior pets was where I lost control. Senior pets has that power, I guess. Okay. Yeah, exactly. I said I could see him. I can't control. So, yeah, so Abraham comes to Elysian, he's like, hey, I need to take two guys with me and Elysian goes, oh, is your wife worrying about you now in your old age? And they have to keep mentioning that because he's supposed to be 115 at this

point in the story. So, you know, yeah, looking rather spry for 115. He's looking pretty good. He looks like like Don Draper got cast away on an island, but like in a good way, especially for 115 years old, for sure. Oh, sure. Yeah, he looks great for 115.

Yeah. So, Elise just like, oh, why don't I send my son with you? And he's like, yeah, it doesn't have to be your son. He's like, oh, come on. Like anybody's son is gonna come to any harm while you who walks with God are with them. Right? And he's like, Hey, think about that.

Also, just like generally the Bible's not a no collateral damage kind of book. I would not really. So yeah. So Abe goes back home. He stares sadly at Isaac's bed and it like there is kind of a, well, this will open up some space quite a belly Like I can have room for my studio to my podcast do yoga in here Yeah, but then Isaac shows up now Isaac is the first actor that is just Making up the accent as he goes, right? Also, he looks extremely silly. What is happening? Oh with the outfit in the hat with Isaac? You mean the completely modern old Navy outfit and a tiny little sailor hat? The sailor hat, yes.

Apparently he was at dress rehearsal for anything goes and then he walks into the tent to talk to dad here. Yep, so ridiculous the whole time. We may have to defer to Dan McClellan on how old Isaac is supposed to be, but I think they tried to split the difference in this movie by being like, okay, so we'll hire a young adult, but we'll dress him like a toddler at a school play. Yeah. No, to be clear, the character is between 10 and 12 years old in the Bible. This kid, I think they're playing him as he's like, he's 15 or so, right? Sure.

Something like that. The actor's like 25. It's absurd. There's this great line here's like 25. Yeah, well, yeah, right. I'm absurd. There's this great line here too, where he says to Isaac Abraham, says the Lord came to me last night, and Isaac says, I shoot you not, the Lord God? I think they're just trying to make us feel better

about that guy dying, because it really worked. It worked for me. I was like, oh, fine, kill him. Stab him right in his fucking heart. So yeah, so they go out, they're getting ready to go. This is also where we meet the other guy. They're taken with them, Eschel M. So we've got Kelvar, Kelzar, and as I have him as fucking Ash and Kevlar in my notes.

But yeah, those are the two guys that are take that he's taken with them. We also, this is where like Sarah runs out and she's like, wait, let me kiss my son before you go. Yeah. And she has this great Sarah runs out and she's like, wait, let me kiss my son before you go. Yeah. And she has this great moment with Abraham where she's like, hey, make sure nobody kills our son. And he's like, yep, nobody else will kill our son. Right. Right. Our make sure no harm happens. He's like, mm, yoppers.

Yep. I need a verbal yes as if you're, you know, on an airplane right now, please. Go, I look, oh, look at what you look at the time. Would you look at the goat? Let's get out of here. So then we have our first flashback. Okay, so we're gonna flashback to 40 years ago. We find Abraham has no beard now

because of course he's a young strapping lad of 75 at this point in the story. Yeah, right? Of course. And he's like his wife finds him, he's laying on the ground, he's like, I saw a god and she's like, did he blow you? Why are you laying on the ground with that? Yeah, why did it knock you on your ass to see God? So he's like, yeah, no, God appeared before me, we have to move. And she's like, oh, come the fuck on. How do you even know that he's not,

this isn't one of the shit he got. So you don't even know. He said my podcast is gonna be huge. I'm quitting my job and we're moving. It's gonna be awesome. It's a great decision, Sarah. Yes. We can hitch our house onto the back of a different car

and take it other place. It's gonna be cool, trust me. She goes, how do you know? He goes, I just know. And I'm like, okay, that's all of religious apologetics and three fucking words. Right. Well, and the best part is she's like, well, you know, maybe he's not the most powerful God or something.

And he goes, well, there is no other God. And I just wanted to write my notes. Okay. Very explicitly not true according to the Bible. Well, according to this part of the Bible. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then we back out of that flashback for some good old walk. And I wrote in my notes, it's like the Lord of the Rings.

If New Zealand was boring. Right. And they cut to Isaac and he's so fucking suspicious already. They cut right to his face and he's just like staring around terrified. Being like, Dad, you keep you keep grabbing your knife on your hip whenever you look at me. It's a big. Everything cool. I think if you dress like that, you develop a someone's going to stab me sixth sense. Right. Yeah. He will not take this hat off for 15 years of his life, I'm assuming.

And everybody hates him. Yeah. Yeah. Spoiler alert. He prepares to be sacrificed in that him. Yeah. Yeah. Spoiler alert. He prepares to be sacrificed in that hat. So, okay. And now we get to the part from the opening sketch with the bad guys. These are, these might be the worst accents we've ever seen on God of the movies. And I, you know, I know what a big statement that is. The fucking soldier guy. Yeah. One of them is going for like generic Arabic soldier guy who is dressed in samurai armor He's pretty sure is Roman Is going with Leonardo DiCaprio's accent from Django and Chains?

Yes, yes. Well hello there people in ancient Mesopotamia And then there's a henchman who's dressed like an old-timey baseball catcher and he's got like the old-time radio voice Nothing makes sense Yeah, so he stops him and he asks where they're going and he's like down the road and he's like alright Don't be a fucking smartass. Okay, you don't have to be a fucking smart ass But he's like there to harass him and and collect a tithe for going on the road, right? So basically they're getting slow motion mugged

when the guy goes like, hey, who are you? And he's like, oh, Abraham. And he goes, oh, shit, I've heard of this guy. Don't mug him. He's like a main character in the Bible. He knows God. Yeah, right. In the crowded club.

Is God nice in person? I hear he could be a little distant at meet and greets. Yeah. He goes, wait, aren't you the guy who freed slaves with an army of shepherds? And I'm like, fucking what? What? And he's like, yeah, no, that was me. That was me. This day.

They don't talk much about that part in the Bible. This movie, I will say, this is the first of many occasions where this movie sets up that Abraham is going to be a kung fu knowing badass and he is not a kung fu knowing badass. There's even a scene where you're like, hey, he gets one karate moment and it's pretty cool. Yeah, I was gonna say the thing is this that he might be in there just saving that for the sequel, right? He's not really gonna bust us moves out until Abraham part two. I would have gone full Rafiki is what I'm saying. I would have gone full Rafiki. With the amount of setup we get in this film, I wanted like a fucking cartwheel kick.

You know what I'm saying? No, that's fair. That's fair. He's like Yoda. He'll eventually get the Dooku fight where he like goes crazy, then you know, can again. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, cause he's like 115.

Right. So yeah, so, but they decide not to mug him cause Abraham's buddies with the king or whatever. And they leave and they're like, Oh, beware of all the wild beasts on the road. And I'm like, oh my God, this movie is more and more side scroller with every fucking frame. Yeah, everyone's just got an exclamation point over their

head. Ignore them, Isaac. Ignore them. Yeah, you can't talk to everybody. We're already leveled up enough. And also, was this a slur at this point? Or were they wading into the racial slurs at this moment that they go for a little bit here? Yes, seafaring dogs.

Well, yes, seafaring dogs. And just the word animal when the guy warns him, he's like, oh, you're Abraham, cool. Beware the wild beasts and the animals as well. And that's when he looks at the guy from Syria who is going on this mission with Abraham, I guess. Yeah, so this is important because this mission with Abraham I guess. Yeah so this is important because this is where they establish this. So I'm forgetting this guy's name is

it Asham? Ashkulam? Ashkulam. Ashkulam. Ashkulam for the rest of the movie will be them people. I will admit I did not pay enough attention to this movie to know what them people is supposed to be. Right. But they will spend the rest of the movie being like shmrfm and then pointing over a hash column. I mean, it makes no sense because this movie's, they're pretty sure that it was like, oh, well, there was the white people, and then there was the rum-rum-rum-rum. But these people in history are all approximately the same race, right? Well, right, but they had like, they had their bigotry towards every other tribe or group or religion

or whatever. And what this movie is trying to set up is that these people of the old pagan religions are bad, right? Are bad. Yeah. Yeah. That their racism was right at this point. Yes.

Yeah. Unlike any other movie you've ever seen where it's like, huh, we don't trust your people and then the characters learn that that was a mistake to make that assumption. Not going to happen in these guys are just bad guys. Yeah. So, OK. So that night they're all sitting around the fire, having dinner, and there's this great bit in this movie where every scene starts up with a long bit of silence because they're desperately trying to get feature length

because they always want me to write in my notes. I'm thinking of a thing. Is it killing your son? Seriously? No. I wrote down sweet burned nuts we got here around our fire. Munch, munch, munch. Never have I ever. You want to play never have I ever. I wrote in my notes in all caps Somebody talk. Why am I watching this? But eventually One of the two guys these are slaves by the way And I should point this out because it matters in this scene these two characters in the Bible are two of Abraham's slaves

One of the slaves says hey that guy was talking about how you had an army of Shepherds. And I'm pretty sure that's not in the fucking Bible. What gives? So he tells the story. And this actually, this story is in the Bible, right? Where the Eastern Kings take over Sodom and they get his nephew Lot and he leads an army to go save them. But in the movie, they're like, oh, yeah, no, you saved all the slaves of Sodom. And I'm like, no, that's not what fucking happened. You saved his goddamn nephew.

The Abraham that freed slaves. You're thinking of Abraham Lincoln is the one that you're fucking think of. The only time slaves show up in Abraham's story is when he's raping them or chopping bits off of their dicks. Yep, yeah, that is the extent. You're thinking of the time he went and rescued his nephew from a club he didn't want him to be at. Right.

To shitty dad in khaki shorts marching around some nightclub. I'm looking for a lot. Y'all know a lot. It's not supposed to be here. Nothing against you people, but I just lot's not supposed to be here, okay? His mom, but I just thought it's not supposed to be here, okay? His mom's real worried. I'm Abraham. I added letters. He goes, well, it really sucks.

You saved all those people and saw them and then God destroyed their city anyway, huh? And they're like, yep, sure does suck. We even get a flashback of him seeing the smoke rising over the horizon. You were gonna fuck those angels. I had to do, oh, it's fine. There's totally a moment where Escalim is like,

well, but you know, Sodom and Gomorrah did have it coming and everybody's like, yep, they did have it coming. They sure did. And Abraham, because again, Abraham's not in that story. He's sort of like, yeah, that's not my circus, not my monkey situation. I don't know why. Why would I introduce it in this book?

Also, he kills everybody in a big flood. I feel like we're just bringing up a bunch of my bad shit. So then we watch him sleep for a little while, which is great. We sure do. Was a lot of fun. I'm sorry, we watched three of them say Abe can't sleep. He's torn up about the son murder he's gonna do.

But he's staring at Isaac being like stupid fucking face, I hate him so much. God dammit, where's that stupid fucking hat? Because Isaac wakes up in a second. Are you wearing the hat to sleep? Yeah. Dad, are you watching me sleep? Nope. No.

Doodly doo. Are you saying doodly doo? Why are you? Well, yeah, and then we doodly doo, right? We flash back to God giving Abraham land that people already lived on, right? This is the part where he's like, count the stars if you are able,

so shall your descendants be. And I'm like very far away and on fire, because that's not good, but that's not what he meant. There's this fucking amazing moment. And again, I'm only half paying attention to the movie because I'm so bored at this point, but I just see a hand reaching down into the sand. I thought it was Abraham preparing to pocket sand God in the eye.

But no, it's God. We can't help but make better movies. Ow, what the fuck are you doing? You still have to kill your son. I'm still, I'm God. I thought that might be, and it hurts my eyes. Thought that might be your weakness. Great. Kryptonite. So, and then we have like a flash forward to sacrificing Isaac. It's just a dream, but you know, like it's like the movie's gone,

but a shit's coming. Shit's coming. Right. You sure you something will happen. Yeah, but it won't though. But yeah. All right. Well, tell you what, this movie needs a minute to flesh out how it's going to fill the runtime. runtime So we're gonna give it a quick break, but we'll back in a minute with even more of his only son Abraham Abraham Yes, Lord. What do you ask of me? Abraham? I command you to kill your son Isaac. Oh I command you to kill your son Isaac. Oh, got it.

Hey, everyone, God's evil. You don't have to follow him anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing? Yeah, I'm trying to kick you because you're evil. I was wondering who the... Oh, I wonder who the real God is. Paul seemed nice when I was a kid. I should try that.

Yeah. No, I'm the real God. Oh, you are? You're just evil? Oh, that's a bummer. No, I'm not evil. It was a test, okay? A test.

Oh, you wanted to make sure that my worship wasn't unreasonable. Hey, everybody, I was wrong. He's just making sure I wasn't worshiping for the right reasons. He was just doing a test. No, it's not that test. I wanted to make sure that you were loyal. Oh, by asking me to kill my son? Yeah. Yeah, check that. Check that everybody. Still evil. Yeah. Yeah. Who the fuck is this guy? Oh, hey, yeah, I was just passing by. I heard you ask a guy to kill his son and I have a moral compass.

So now I'm going to kick you some more. Yeah, yeah. This is Christ. Yeah, we'll kick him too. Kick him so hard. Yeah, part of the problem. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to reach you in the action in another Abram and Sarai flesh of the gate

Cuz we're seeing them before they level up to Abraham and Sarah So this is another flashback of Abram and Sarai this time They've they've gotten to their promised land and Sarai's looking over it going like well this sucks This is the promised land bro Come on. Did God give us the only piece of this? Continent that doesn't have oil surrounded by our enemies. Yeah Unfortunately, yeah, and she's like, you know what we should do is we should go to Egypt since there's such a famine And I'm like, oh my god

That's the part of the Bible where he tricks the Pharaoh into fucking his wife by telling the pharaoh that she's his sister. Are they gonna show that part? No, they're not gonna show that. We do not get that part. Yeah, and by the way, she also, again, everything they will say is a Jew fight, because as he's like, all right, well, I'm gonna head out and she's like, oh, by the way, I got my period again.

Just, did you hear God correctly when he said you were gonna have a bunch of kids? I just wanna make sure. Definitely, he does what he said. Maybe you have a bunch of kids? I just want to make sure. Definitely. Maybe you could write it down next time he talks to you. Just write it down. Just write it down. Maybe I could come to one of your God meetings.

No. I can meet your friends. No, he said. Why can't I meet your friends? You should, you're ashamed of yourself. You have to go, you have to go into your tent, by the way. I did actually write that in my notes. I was like, first of all, she should be in her shame hunt if she has her period right now.

Yeah, right. So yeah, so we back out of that flashback back to the mellow ship of the rings. They're just sitting around. But again, we get a whole bunch of fucking silence. And then the two slave guys shit talk each other's moms for a bit. It's either that or one of them forgets

that the other one's mom is dead for small talk. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. It's either that or one of them forgets that the other one's mom is dead for small talk. Yeah, that's what I think. Yeah, yeah. It's the second. Yeah, yeah. And then, so they have this incredibly awkward interaction, right, where good slave guy, I call him on Abraham's dick guy in my head the entire time.

Sure, sure. He's just on Abraham's dick. Yes, Kevlar. Kevlar is like, hey, how's your mom doing? And he's like, fine, how's yours? And he's like dead and he's like, right. And this is how they transition out of that conversation. Kevlar goes, so you know whose mom is not dead?

Isaac's mom, she loves you so much. She's so glad no one stabs you. Right, yeah, exactly. So they walk on, they come across this abandoned wheelbarrow, Ash, because he's a bad guy, he's not like, you know, Jewish yet, he tries to steal the stuff. And everybody's like, Hey, don't do that, man. We're good people here.

So they wand around a little bit more and they find this nearly dead guy whose wheelbarrow it is. And he's like, they took my daughter and then he dies. Right. I wanted Ash to be like, so are you done with the basket of chestnuts that we saw back then? It feels like you're not gonna. Can I after? Cause I got yelled at you to be like, so are you done with the basket of chestnuts that we saw back then? I feel like you're not gonna. Because I got yelled at, just so you know,

I got yelled at. So just to be clear, you weren't going to use them and it was actually kind of a waste not to take them. I just wanted to clarify. Right, but so then they're like, oh, should we go save this guy's daughter? And we all wrote in our notes, oh my fucking God, did this movie just to get a side quest?

But they're not gonna. No, they're not even gonna bury him. Abraham goes, we're gonna fucking, one of them is like, we should bury him. And Abraham's like, no, we will leave him as a warning about how much people suck. And Ash is like, okay, I feel like you just didn't wanna dig.

Yes. Feels like I don't wanna dig thing. Well, also he goes like, you know, oh, I guess whoever could be the person who stole the daughter and Abe's like, well, it's obviously the fucking the horseman guy with the Nebraska accent from earlier. They're the only other characters in this movie unless it was Isaac's mom, right?

We're a side scroller. Who else could it possibly have been? Right, yeah, exactly. He looks down and he sees tracks and he's like, see the horse tracks. Isaac's mom right a side scroller who else could it possibly have been right? He looks down he sees tracks and he's like see the horse tracks and I'm like it's a road You're I we know they're on that road. No, no, it's their horse. I can tell you so So they walk some more They eventually they they find their way to he brought which might as well be drawn into the background with Microsoft paint which might as well be drawn into the background with Microsoft Paint. This is so funny. They literally have a moment where they're like,

oh, are we going to have a scene in ancient Hebron, the city of your birth where we explore who you were, which is who you are. Shut the fuck up, Isaac. Nobody likes you. We don't have the budget for that. Are you fucking kidding me? We don't have Hebron budget. No.

We can wander around Vegas some more. We would, you could see the walls of the background. Yeah. Take off that fucking hat. Fucking stab you. And then we flash back to Sarah. She's real sad because she can't have kids and that's the only purpose that women have is having kids.

So she's praying for a child. Abraham comes across her, but she's praying wrong. She's praying to the wrong gods, damn it. Okay. Can I explain what I thought? And I know I'm wrong. I know I'm wrong now, but can I say what I thought? So she set up a little praying to the wrong God circle. I thought it was a grave for one of the fetuses she had lost.

Oh, God. Okay. Interesting. Because it's a teeny tiny little grave. No. No, they only do that in Texas. Okay. Interesting. Cause there's a teeny tiny little creed. Nope. Nope. They only do that in Texas.

Hey, this is going to make sense in Alabama in Texas when I don't know about it. Trust me, this is great. But yeah, it's so dumb the way he gets mad too. He's like, hey, hey, Sarai, you got to stop using rocks to pray with your pagan bullshit. That's dumb. We talk directly to the guy who fucked me on the land deal. That's how we pray. Yeah, right. how we pray.

Right, yeah, exactly. And this is where she points out, she's like, hey man, you've been like 25 fucking years have been following you around. You've been saying, oh, God said this, God said that none of the shit happened yet. Right, and he's like, you gotta have faith. And she's like, you've met the guy in person, right?

Like you're asking me to do a thing you ain't doing. Yeah, she's doing what I do with every landlord in my life. Like, oh, you will fix it. Great. Can I get, I was so stupid. Can I get an estimate on the baby? Because it's been, right? Yeah.

It's been 10 years. There's a big hole in my kitchen. You keep saying the Lord will provide a baby. I mean, maybe he'd provide for us if your dick would work. And he's like, okay, we're done. We're done. Fuck your rocks. But then we cut to like that night in the flashback. We're fucking swishing to doodly-doo here.

So that night in the flashback, Abe is like, all right, God, she was just being kind of nasty about it. But like she was fucking right. You know, you're making me look like an asshole over here, right? So then suddenly God appears in a flash of lights and I had feather sperm in my notes. I don't know what this was supposed to be. It is feather. It felt like God was showing up late to a meeting and he was just like,

oh, I got to give him a message. I'll throw him in the ocean. Yes. He throws him in the ocean. He throws Abraham in some drowning scenario to give him a quick message during that. Okay, so here's the thing. Best case scenario,

because then he sees him walking across the water, because it's Jesus, get it? But like, best case scenario, God was like, sorry, I had to throw you in the ocean. I wanted you to see me do my cool walking on water trick. Oh, right. I had to do a Jesus call forward where people would think this was a Jewish

movie and... Right, couldn't you do that in a lake? I was getting hit by like ocean crashing waves. You did it right there? No? Yeah, worst case scenario, God dropped him in an ocean out of pettiness to be like, sorry, no, you were questioning me. I just wanted to...

And then I forgot that I can walk on water and you can't so you've gone all in a blur. Sorry, you had notes on my process. You had like a note for me. You wanted me to explain one of my jokes maybe. And he's still just vomiting salt water. But God's like, yeah, no, so I'm pretty bummed because a servant in my house is my heir and I'm like, oh, and the Bible says the son of your slave is your heir, suggesting that you raped that slave. But I guess you just had different translations being different things.

You wanna go back to the ocean? I'm just one of those bosses who loves to give back, not according to the Bible, but just here in this movie, I'm just one of those guys, every Friday's a pizza party. Okay, relax But yeah, but God assures him that the servant shall not be his heir, right? So now we're temporarily done with that flashback. We're gonna go back to the mellow ship now They've walked past he brought he bronze in the back looking like it was created by the level builder for load runner

Sorry, I'm talking to my fellow olds with that joke. Someone loved that. Someone loved that so hard they blew the dust off their collection and gently stroked it in the back of that joke. Right, right. So but they walked by fucking blew their load runner. Nice. So but then they walked by fucking grima worm tongue the pimp. Right. This guy who's out here is like extra extra get extra, extra, get your prostitutes right over here. Got a lot of prostitutes. I don't feel like you have to work that hard, but okay. Yeah, it is, um, it's, it's not a good sales pitch. There's a lot of touching, a lot of

touching of the customers faces and stuff. It feels like he heard get the product in their hands. It didn't really understand what that instruction means. Also, and I have to talk about this and I need you, I need you to stand behind me. We need to be unified brotherhood. This is so important to me. He pitches all the men, they walk by and for a second, he pauses and looks at the donkey. Like he's gonna pitch the donkey on a prostitute.

That is not. I got a lady donkey in here by the way. Different at that, but I get where you're coming from. I thought he was being like, oh, nobody. Okay, you're all fucking that donkey. I know you're fucking. Right, it was one of the other. It was one of the other.

Oh, I didn't see you guys had a donkey. Okay, well, you know. So then we go back to our flashback. That was the entire thing. We just cut back and he was like, ah, they probably got offered some prostitutes on the road, but they didn't take them because their Bible character son. They didn't take them because they're great. They're great. They wouldn't moral. A lot of this movie feels like it was written in front of a guy's wife, right?

A lot of it. A lot of this movie feels like an Abraham. He didn't want to. Yeah, it didn't even. He hated it. He hated it. He, yeah, he was like, that's what he thought about other women. No, he didn't. He couldn't see them. Should be, we flashback to medium old Abraham. I had him out for a jog, but no, but apparently he's been off chatting with God. This is like him coming back from the ocean dip, right? And he's like, hey, I've got great news. God said, I'm going to have a bunch of kids and Surai's like, hey, I've got great news. God said I'm gonna have a bunch of kids.

And Sarai's like, what about me? And he's like, why does this always have to be about you? I don't understand why it's always gotta be a you thing. Again, like I'm sorry to keep harping on this. This is every Jewish couple. Like I've been at this brunch and made wide eyes at Anna and been like, oh, you know what? Max's baby center needs to leave early today.

So we are going to get going and you guys can work out whether or not he hates your mom. What a fun thing to talk about here in front of me. So, okay. So now we're about to breach a subject that's awkward even for the movie about that time God told that dude to stab his son, right? Because this is the part of the Bible where Sarai offers up her slave for Abraham to rape

so that he can have a kid. Right. And again, we're writing this in front of our wife, so it was like, no, no! Yeah, right. I would hate to have to fuck the maid. That would be terrible. No! I haven't already done that according to the Bible. No! Right, yeah, right! Right, and to be clear, this movie plays this off like this tremendous, horrible, like, post-1950s monogamy Christianity culture. Multiple wives is completely and totally commonplace, as is having slaves

as like extra breeding stock, right? So the idea that Sarah plays this like, we have no choice. It's like if my wife came in and she was like, I want you to have more than one pen in the house. have more than one pen in the house. It's important to me. You have something to write with. And you know, Abraham's like, oh, I couldn't do it. And she has to go like, no, actually raping slaves is totally cool by the moral standards of the day. He's like, oh, it is, that's right.

We both live in it this time, so we both know this. It's so damn good. Don't worry, everybody. This will have the funniest possible resolution later in the flashback. So, yeah, so she weepley gives him permission to fuck other women. Guys, if she's crying when she says that it's not really permission is not. Hey, this movie really good guide to how not to open your marriage. Yeah, right.

It's up everybody. Right. She's like, let me be a good wife and give you a person to rape. And he's like, I don't think that's a good anything actually. Yeah. So, okay, so we back out of the flashback, we're back with Demelishev to sit around the fire and now it's time for a little apologetics, right?

This is the part where Ash is like, hey, your religion doesn't make any fucking sense, right? And Abraham's like, exactly, right? And he's like, what the fuck are you talking about? That's nothing. And the point is like, okay, well, if you don't believe in God's plan, you're blind, which was like a pre-Muslim slur thing

and a dumb thing about religion and faith at the same time. Well, what's amazing is they're trying to do the Ray Comfort apologetic, right? You're a bad person now, you think, because you're a mad man, a liar, and a thief. Except in canon, none of the weird thought-crime shit that Jesus said exists yet. Right. So Abraham's just sitting there being like, no, no, trust me, people are shitty. It's gonna really, it's's everyone sucks and God rules and Gosh, I hope he figures out some kind of contract to figure that out for us because we just will boy do we

Eventually he gets to like yeah, we're all infinitely bad now. How do you fix that and I was like stab your son because Because that's the plot is the correct answer well so and I also have to point out that's the plot. Is the correct answer? Well, so, and I also have to point out what's going on here theologically, right? Because of course the story of Abraham is common to all the Abrahamic faiths, right? The Jewish faith has this story,

the Muslim faith has this story, the Christian faith has this story. So this is Abraham sitting around like presaging Christianity because they're like, like well how can a sacrifice make things okay? And he's like yeah well what it would take is the purest of all sacrifices if someone's only son was sacrificed. So that's mostly what this whole sequence is about, right? This is all about how wow this religion is just incomplete without Jesus as a savior, isn't it?

Yeah, it feels like we're only halfway through the testaments. You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's really good. They even have a little quick shot of bread to give us the Jesus solution. Yes, yes! So Ash is like, why would your God require murdering in the plan though?

And Aram's like, hmm, I have bread. Bread, bread, bread, bread. Yes, I have bread bread bread watch me break this bread yeah I would like to point out that both Heath and Noah picked up on that I born and raised Jewish did not and I was like why the fuck is there bread yeah exactly so he's like yeah you know so why if God is immortal and omnipotent why would he need any kind of sacrifice? And Abraham starts giving this weird bullshit apologetic that eventually gets so convoluted that he himself within the movie

that the fucking screenwriter wrote for him has to resort to mysterious ways. I think he had to take a time out and eat some bread to stall in real life. Yeah. And so we got that shot. And they were like, oh no, that's perfect for a dumb thing. And then he lands on, OK, no, I got the answer.

God would require murdering because we have to be reminded that as humans, we die. Die. Sometimes. All the time. Stupid. Yeah. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, well, there goes my atheism. I forgot I was mortal this whole time. And that's why I've been an atheist. Oh, man. Okay. I think everyone needed reminders of that in the Bronze Age. And to be fair, Ash is like, wait, sorry, you believe that? And he's like, no, but William Lane Craig said it would like trick people who were kind

of feeling cognitive. DeCieste Lewis said that it's not an impulse or an instinct and that I'm not allowed to ask for a follow-up. He got an invisible letter from a guy who didn't have any follow-ups in this. And again, it's just so good because, look, this is a bad apologetic when you have Christianity to deliver the whammo-bammo, but Jesus died and cleansed your sins.

Post-Hawk, it's better but still bad, but they don't have it in the movie. So he's like, yep, so he's just, God is just, he's so mad, gosh, mad. He really just fucking hates it. Have you seen my son's hat? You get it, you get it. You get it, right?

Smell us now. Senior Pets is gonna pay off eventually, just to fill with it. It's a recipe, you wait. Ceasar's getting around to it. You get it. You get it, right? Smell us now. Senior pets is going to pay off eventually. Just trust me. Trust me. You wait. Ceasars getting around to it. They record a lot at a time. So, okay. So then we cut to the back of the flashback. Sarai is getting Hagar rape ready. It's weird that Sarai is in the room at the beginning to like fire this starting gun on this rape, isn't it?

Weird way to start it? She's like, yeah, thanks for doing the laundry there. He got just one last thing for today. On your to do list. Oh, no. You might want to sit down. I know this isn't on the closing checklist, but we need to do roll ups and

Abraham. So she's like, okay, you guys fuck and go. And then she walks out, we watch her walk out of the tent and just cry. And I'm like, is this movie trying to get us to empathize with not the rape victim in this situation? Cause I'm very much so. Seems like Sarah could have been involved, right?

Like in the moment still, like a fall well scenario, right? Sure. Hagar feels, I feel like the performance note they gave Hagar was like, but you're excited. Yeah, but you're into it. You're into it. It's not, she's not giving him so much as she's giving you the opportunity. We'll be outside without sad she's feeling about your.

You can fuck Abraham for exposure. Huh? Right? Huh? Without sad she's feeling about your fucking Abraham for exposure What if I told you we could take your current slave audience and to using clips of it on YouTube Tiny little ads and newspapers So then okay, and now I'm picturing an auto ad popping up during sex with a car. I know it's the only thing worse than sex with Abraham right now. Auto ads. So then we, he wakes up from the flashback and we watch him like, you know, like we zoom in on his eyes and I wrote my notes at this point, I'm like, imagine how good an

actor you would have to be to fully embody Abraham's conflict here. Now imagine nine rows belong that on actorhood and that's what we're looking at, right? Now imagine a man seeing the rock do that thing where he switches his eyebrows back and forth and trying it for the first time. That's what this actor does. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So yeah, so, but this is the way like Abe has to walk out and has his like big prayer to God moment Right he bows down and he clings to his crook and he's like God. I I totally get wanting to kill my son I like the hat I get it. I get it, but pretty pleased though. We can I'm sure he'll grow out of it Yeah, cuz what the movie is doing here is it's rewriting the Hagar sex as like his big sin. Yes. Which is not in the Bible. Nope.

And I don't understand why any Christian would be okay with it. This would be like if there was a scene in a Christ movie where Christ was like, I'm so sorry for fucking up that olive tree. It just really got away with me. I was hanging out with my bros and And I mean, the tree embarrassed me. It embarrassed me. I didn't need to turn over those tables. I could have just, I could have just sent them a straw.

I could have just not bought something. I could have just not bought something. So, and my God. So like the funny thing about this movie is that the lighting is good, the costuming is terrible. The direction is terrible, the cinematography is good. So it's like random what is and isn't working within this film, which is, I'm reminded of again,

at this point where Abraham pounds his chest in anger during his prayer and hits his goddamn lapel mic. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like me doing a physical bit that Noah's gonna have to cut. Yeah, right, right. So, but he has this big prayer, he turns around and he goes to walk away.

And then like we back out when we see the side of God's Enzo robe, you know, so we know that God was listening the whole time. Right. So, so to be clear, God is full on Michael carbonara wing. This sacrifice of this. He might as well turn to the camera and be like looks like what would you do, right? All right, well the movie just had a no shit the plot is still the plot scene so I think we need a break But first let me give act three the hard sell Will Abraham put one foot in front of the other will Isaac put one foot in front of the other

Will Kelzar and Escalem put one foot in front of the other? Will Kelzar and Eskulem put one foot in front of the other? Find out the answers to these questions and almost nothing else when we return for the ambulatory conclusion of his only son Well, that's the last of it Sarah. We're off husband Take good care of our son, please. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Yeah, let nothing happen to him on the journey. Yep. Got it. Promise me that. Got it. Promise me. Sorry, what? Promise me you won't let anything harm our son.

Oh, yep. Yep. Total totes. Totes. What are you doing? I said promise me. No, totally totes. Totes. What are you doing? I said promise me. So, I said I promise I won't let anyone else hurt our son. Sorry, you said anyone else?

Did I? We should probably get going. The goats are gonna get, I promise no harm will come to our son. Thank you. From outside forces. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha. No harm will come to our son. Thank you. From outside forces. Okay. And we're back for still more of this shit.

We're gonna rejoin the action with the slaves, pack of the donkey for another long day of walking. This is the one where Kevlar's like, hey man, don't make fun of the boss's religion anymore. Okay? You asked way too many questions last night. Okay? Yeah.

And they have this bizarre fucking scene where like Ash tells him like, Hey man, you're lucky to be Abraham slave. Do you know how good a slave owner you got? Right. So what you want to just elaborate? You want you want me to be a nicer slave? Is that what you're saying? Yep. You want to just keep going with your thought. The scene we're watching. Is that what we're doing for this whole scene? Ungrateful. Well, and Ash points out that Kevlar is a bit of a nepo baby for a slave because I guess he's the son of the slave that would have inherited all the money if neither Ishmael nor Isaac had been born.

Yeah, he's basically the coolest boss ever. So you know, you got a really great deal out of this, right? And then fucking Ash points out, he's like, hey, like we've been sitting here talking about like people being passed over and like, what about fucking Ishmael? And he's like, come on, that's a low blow. Right, right. Well, and then he turned like as a, as a God, your Ash turns to Kevlar and he goes,

hey, won't your progeny be slaves? And I'm like, that's actually a uniquely American cruelty. That's not how it works. Yeah, no, that wouldn't be true for the Bronze Age, luckily. Yeah. And then, and then Kevlar threatens to tattle on him. He's like, I will tattle on you. Do you hear me? I will tattle on you. Right, right, yeah.

And then he walks off and Ash is like, Abe's still a dick though. I'm not saying to anybody, but you, I, I, I... Joe Manus is what? What? So, okay. So meanwhile, Abe is flashing back to, Hey, Gar, being pregnant, but, but she's a slave.

So they still made her work, right? She's still gonna carry some water. She's like eight years pregnant and she's chopping wood. And like, yeah, it's ridiculous. And to be clear, to be clear, what this movie is trying to show us in this moment is she's pregnant and being real showy about it to Sarah. Ruh-hawty. Yeah, uh-huh.

Look how pregnant I am with your husband's baby. Yeah, right. Yeah. Which to be clear, is the story in the Bible. It is. Not one I would choose to retell after the medium of film had been invented. But yeah, this is what they're trying to represent. Well, right, so now to be clear,

what happens in the Bible at this point is that Sarah beats the shit out of Hagar so badly that Hagar runs away and then God has to go dread Scott her back into the rest of the fucking story. They don't show that, they don't show her beating a pregnant slave in this movie, that didn't make the cut right But instead Sarah's picking again another Jew fight with Abraham About doing the thing that was her idea and look I know this movie was going for great drama

But I was absolutely losing my mind with how funny it is because Abraham's like, you literally told me to do. I said no. And she's like, oh, did you? And he's like, yes, it's a movie. He's like, I didn't want to do it. She's like, you didn't protest very hard though. Did you? She was like, well, no, I didn't. I guess I didn't protest very. She says like, you know, I was, I was just trying to be a good wife by giving you a human to rape. And he's like, says, very, she says, like, you know, I was just trying to be a good wife by giving you a human to rape. And he's like, well, no, yeah, that is what a good wife would do.

I guess she got me there. Right. And he's like, okay, so, so are you a good wife? And she's like, no, I was just pretending. And then Abe to show what a good guy is. He is, he's like, Hey, you know what? Do with her what you will. Whatever you wanted, you wanna beat her, you wanna kick her out of the house, you can do that.

Which again, is what she does in the Bible. Yeah, and this ends with him being like, no doing tests from now on though, I hate tests. Yeah. Except of course for the main plot. The plot of the fucking movie, yeah. I was wondering if like they Accidentally did like a if you think about it God and Sarah are the same in that they have

Insane standards about rules that they made up and now they're mad because someone violated Their own rules about them to them. Yeah, all right, right. No, it's good parallel Yeah nailed it rules about them to them. Yeah, all right. Right. No, it's good parallel. Yeah. Nailed it. So, okay. So, then we back out of the flashback to the mellow ship again with Isaac basically saying, hey guys, this is Act 3, right? This is the day we get to the thing, right? We've done very bad basing. Oh my God, we're not there yet. We're almost there yet. Jesus. Hey guys, I was just playing my favorite game, the suicide squad kill the Justice Justice League and now that I'm all done. You can see Abraham almost being like, okay, yeah, he is the worst, but that's probably that's actually helpful to me because

Right, honestly. I'm gonna stand the shit out of him in like a day. Well, yeah, because Isaac's like, oh wow, you know this country that God gave you is so awesome. What did you, hey dad, what did you have to give him in return? And Abe's like, you know what I haven't seen while I was a big league chew. Does ABC still make that? I bet they don't.

These are good burnt nuts, right? So, and this is where Isaac has his, like, hey dad, you know, you've been acting real weird the last three days. Something up and it was like, nothing is up at all. I'm not gonna stab anyone, let alone you. What? You said stab. They walk a little bit more.

You're not fucking hand though. And then they finally make it to Ephritha, which is apparently where they've been going this whole time. Yep. Here we are. And my notes just say, fffffffffffff. I did. And yes, by the way, audience, fffffffff audience is spelled exactly how you think it is. Yeah. And they're just in like a random spot. There's no like big sign or anything.

Abraham's just like, yeah, here it is for the magic. I dropped a pin and God was like, there you go. So we're good. There it is. Now we sit in a cave and eat burnt nuts for a while. Well, right. We're going to sit around and have a little dialogue first. So this is where Kevlar notices that there's some writing on Abraham's walking stick.

And he's like, oh, what does it say? And he's like, oh, so, you know, it's in a language that's been lost to time. Nobody knows what it says. He's like, oh, so it doesn't serve any function in the movie. Why would we be talking about it then? Could just be scratches. Yeah. Are we at an hour and 44 minutes yet? Name all the words.

Well, if we put all the Patreon backers on here. Yeah. And so he goes, you know, it's been down, it's been passed down for generations and generations and Ash is like, oh, I guess it's even more shit for your nepo baby doing a hair it. And I was like, guys, it's a stick. It's a, it's a it's a bucket like there's a way you got it this is everything with you every time you've got to bring this up let it go man Kevlar's like wow something you get to hand this stick down to your son and Abe's like well let's not get carried away with with predictions why someone's gonna get the

stick and the stick but then but Ash Yeah, no, absolutely. Someone will have the stick. But then, but Ash has had enough, right? He wants to ask more theological questions. Mostly, why did you call my people seafaring earlier? That seemed like a slur, right? Yeah. And he's like, look, your people are rapey. That's why I don't love them. He is. He's like, you guys, they have a wrong religion and they're all rapies. Right, and to be clear, they are hitting all the beats in a movie where the character learns that that is a bad opinion to have,

except they will never hit the final beat where that is a bad opinion to have. Nope, they sure the fuck won't. They will prove again later in this scene. We'll get there. But so he's like, yeah, you know, actually one time your people stole my wife and put her in the king's harem. And I'm like, well, dude, to be fair,

you did that yourself one time by making her tell everybody she was your sister. Right? So like, if it's evil to do that, then maybe you- There was a role play that got overheard. Heathen Wright told me about this. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It's not the point.

It's not. But he has this whole big like, you know, well, why do you think my people are evil? He says, because they're the wrong religion. He's like, oh, so everybody who is your religion is evil. He's like, no, everybody's evil, including my religion. And like, well, this doesn't make any fucking sense. I mean, it's because there's only one half of this locket

that's on my necklace. Yes, right. Yes, exactly. This is just as best once it says friends too. It all makes sense. It's going to be great. It's going to be fine. Well, yeah.

So, and then Ash is like, well, what about, hey, Gar, you sent her away from your home with your young son with nothing, no food or any money. And I'm like, wow, what about, hey, Gar, you sent her away from your home with your young son with nothing, no food or any money. And I'm like, wow, this is a really great question. And Abraham in his defense says, well, to be fair, Ishmael was being such a dick to Isaac at that point. Who's my real kid? So there's that.

And Ash was like, really, that's all we're getting. And he's like, like no God also told me To abandon my son and push his mom out the door with with nothing but the clothes on her back Also did that and a wine skin. They had water to a little bit God gave her some extra. It's not that bad. You guys will be a slave. Come on. You guys are being weird Yeah, we're all having a good time So but ashes to ashes not having a good time, right? So he starts yelling and shoving.

And then we have this amazing moment where Kevlar like carries him out of the cave. Like he's being escorted out of a Walmart or something. And he's yelling back the whole time. He's just grabbing the gum from the thing by the register on his way out as best he can. Yeah, right here. Knocking over the roll ups. Yeah.

But so then we get a slave fight, right? Kevlar and Ash start fighting. Ash runs at Abraham with a rock in his hand to brain him. But just then. Abraham pulls out some sweet fucking Donatello. Not sweet enough. It's not sweet enough. It's not sweet enough. Okay, I'm sorry.

The fact that they literally have Abraham fight a dude with his walking staff is beyond my wildest hopes and dreams for this movie. Let me have this. I laughed a lot. I wanted baton twirling. I wanted that thing action heroes do where they get their powers where they're just dodging, right?

They're not even getting back just bouncing that's what I want No, but as she just runs it. I mean he just hit some once in the face and he goes down It was pretty funny. It was just like wow. I won. Oh, I just realized what these markings mean. They mean eat it bitch But these markings mean they mean eat it bitch! They literally had a bust out with his signature weapon. I couldn't fucking believe it. And then just then as he's knocking this guy out the horseman from Nebraska shows up. And I'm okay. Again worst accent possibly that we have ever seen maybe the second worst after the original

communist accent. It's so bad that I brought a clip So here it is. This is the accent that this guy was genuinely using in this actual movie Well done old man Seems our warrior shepherd still want to be reckoned with even in the twilight of his years Abram of the Cos-Deme. Abram. Having a bit of a scuffle, are we? No, you shouldn't charge your master like that, especially one known to conquer kings. You'll be fortunate if he doesn't put you to death for it. So did he go see a Christmas Carol in between filming the two scenes? Like, where do we think?

Because it's very obvious this actor got notes, right? This actor got notes between scene one and scene two, and either this is a sarcastic retributed performance or those notes didn't go well. Oh, I'm going with sarcastic. I like that answer. But yeah, so, but Isaac's had enough of their shit. And he's like, Hey, that lady that's behind you, you stole her from a dude with a wheelbarrow.

We know, we know you did. And everyone looks at Ash like, Oh, what's up my people? Why are you so charged charges? And then he's like, okay, one. This looks bad for me. Or so you'd be fair to be fair. They these ones are pretty rapey.

Yeah. But then Nebraska horseman draws his sword and Isaac's like, I ain't scared. And everybody's like, dude, what are you going to fight him with your fucking hat? Oh God, if he fought him with the fucking hat. But better. Oh man.

He just throws the hat. He has a hat full. Like on job. Yeah. This is my favorite movie. I would just say this would be my favorite movie. Yeah. He goes full luke hang on him or some shit. Yeah. So, but we pose out the sword and he points it at Isaac. And the, by the way, they treat it like a fucking gun. He keeps pointing his sword at people. Right. Like that's how that works. At one point he grabs Isaac and he holds the sword to his head, the tip of the sword. What are you gonna stab through the side of his head? Yeah!

Hard, but it hurts. Okay, at this moment I was like, hold on, if this soldier guy stabs Isaac, can Abraham like jump in and do like one stab at the end and have it still come in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we're good. We're good. You'd be surprised actually at how little my plans have changed now. Oh, he's, Slow Mo throws a match at his son. No. He walks away. He walks away. They both explode. I took my gasoline bath, papa. So, but Isaac's like, I'll tell you what, you can have me.

I'll trade you me for the woman that you stole, right? So we have to see that Isaac is brave. And then all of the other soldiers are like, yeah, we can rape him in the butt. There's like this actual moment. I'm also gay. We are also gay for clarity. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, but the horseman grabs Isaac. Abe goes to fight him. There's a fight that we don't really see much of because they don't have the choreography for that.

But Abe does get conked unconscious by a sword hilt at some point. Way less karate powers than I wanted him to have. Yeah, no, that's fair. They really did set up for him to take out four guys now, but he doesn't. Instead, he starts flat. He's like, there's this bit where the fight's going on over top of them, but they're layering

in even more flashback shit that they didn't quite get to yet. Right? Oh, yeah. Is this where we get the voice of God being like, should I hide what I'm doing with Abraham? Yes. Who was God talking to there? Great question. Tyler.

A fucking board meeting with Tyler? Yeah. Yeah. Why would an all-knowing fucking being have a should I type question to begin with? Yeah, right. Like, a lot of, a lot of questions here. Okay. Here's my question. If Sarah Hacoby Sanders had answered, do we sue or is this our favorite movie? That's a good question, G-Dog. Secret answer, C, all of the above, yeah. She starts talking to senior pets and we're just like, okay. It's a win, okay. In the fabric of the universe. And I feel better now that we know it was a simulation, yeah.

So yeah, so, but God's wondering what he should do out loud to an audience. And Kevlar at the same time is fighting the bad guys over Abe's body, right? Like Kevlar comes to his rescue because Kevlar's a good slave that knows his place. Okay, but he throws the rock, right? That's the rock throw? Yeah.

And it just, it hits the soldier guy like in the back of his shoulder, doesn't really do anything. So that guy was about to murder Abraham and then he was like, ow, that's a fucking bruise now. You guys wanna bail? Okay, they're throwing rocks, we're done. We're done. Yeah, they just leave, they're like,

well, I didn't know we were gonna be throwing rocks at people here so they get back out their horses and they take off and they're like, where our part of the plot is done? Go, come on, come on. My fingernail has a little chip in it. Ah, it's like dirt under it. There's like gravel.

I gotta get home and take care of this right away because it's gonna get caught on a shirt and I don't want, I don't want to take it on it. I just said, we're ruining the fingernail and the shirt. And then like in the most, oh yeah, fuck we forgot flashback of the entire movie. Suddenly Abraham flashes back to that moment where he levels up from Abram to Abraham.

Oh, right. Sorry. Earlier in the movie, we're editing this out of order. Oh, you're adding an A to your name. An H. But not too many. Ha. A Ha. Hurry, Keller. We'll sue you. Ha.

Ha. So. And he says, and then, and God's like, oh, so by the way, your wife will get pregnant here. He's like, oh, so I raped that slave for nothing. And he's like, well, you know, not nothing. I should have given you a heads up. So a lot of the times when someone says they want to open up the relationship, they're doing it as a test, but you really should both have read the ethical slide before you

did this. It's not a healthy way to communicate. Yeah. I think you and Sarah should break up. Yeah. It's not a healthy way to communicate. I think you and Sarah should break up. Yeah. It's okay. So then we get one last little bit of Sarah, part of the flashback here. Now this should have been the part of the Bible where her and God argue about whether she

giggled when God suggested she would have an orgasm at the age of 90. Right? Like, that's a, come on. Like you're going to tease us with that bit and then not give it to us. Wait, can you not when you get 90? Is that does that's is that like it? You can't probably not. I don't think so.

Really? I mean, I can't and I'm only 37. Yeah. I just assumed the cutoff was 25. I don't know. What do we have? Are you guys still having orgasms? Stop the podcast.

You have to tell me. I do the ones that go inward. All right, well anyway, how many have- Are you guys still having orgasms? Stop the progress, you have to tell me. I do the ones that go inward. Ooh. Mental. So yeah, but she can feel her pregnancy now, it's a miracle. She goes, who would believe it? And I'm like, well, you're supposed to be 90,

so no reasonable person would. Yeah, and again, like, I think the movie wants this to be like a wholesome miracle moment. But all she has done is trick her husband into an open relationship, be mad at him and then banish the rape slave. So her, you know, there's a baby on the way fucking Instagram posts isn't exactly hitting the notes that this movie wants to hit with me. Right. I think the movie thinks they're nailing it for sure.

Yeah, for sure. Oh yeah. Yeah, so okay. So it's time for the big finish. We get, well, sorry, they add. Don't you tease me with a big finish, no look. This is not quite the big finish yet. So we get Isaac loading up the wood.

He's gonna go up the mountain. Now God said you had to sacrifice some cut. Didn't say you had to make him carry the wood himself. That you were gonna burn him with. Didn't say you had to make him carry the wood himself that you were going to burn him with. That's just fucking insult to injury there. Do you want to eat your gummies now before we go up? No, yeah, I know. I usually make you wait until after lunch. So yeah, they leave the slaves at the bottom of the mountain just like they do in the Bible.

And as they walk away, we have this moment of Kevlar going like, you see what a great slave owner were owned by? If it wasn't for Abe, I'd still have the wrong religion like you. Yeah. He fixed everything according to this little speech, like, oh, we had the gods of Damascus and we were pagan and evil.

And then Abraham showed up and all the wicked stuff went away. And then straight cut to Abraham walking to a stabbing of his son. Of his son, the one that he didn't banish. Yeah. And by the way, this is when Isaac's like, hey, I just noticed that we don't have a lamb.

I know it's weird because we're three days in. But I realized we're the whole thing. Now you know it's too busy looking at your days in. Oh no, no, you're too busy looking at your little hat in the mirror, you fucking idiot. I don't care if an angel stops me, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it anyways. I will fight an angel to do this. Abe's like, well no, God said he'd provide the lamb

for the burn offering. He's like, oh, so God's gonna sacrifice this to himself? He's like, it's kind of like, you ask a lot of fucking questions for a guy in a hat. We're gonna find a lamb up there? This is on Isaac at this point, right? Like he needs to just realize what the fuck is happening. Well, I look look I mean, yeah, he's real slow to get to this But let's be honest if your dad was about to stab you and set you on fire

You'd also like come up with a lot of different alternate explanations before you landed there I get it for all we know he's about to tell us that his dad did stand him and set him on fire, and it was a great prank. It was a good lesson. He learned a lot that day. All right. So, so they get to the top of the mountain. Abe starts making an altar, right?

We're going to flash now in between this and Isaac being born now, right? Yeah. Just a real modern dressed woman. They did not have an extra robe on set for her. No. So she's just wearing fucking a JC Penny dress smoking a Marlboro red being like, your baby's ready. Yeah, right, right.

So then finally it's time for Abe to break it to Isaac. He's like, forgive me son. And Isaac's like, for what? He's like, I'm about to stab you to death on this pile of rocks here. Yeah. And Isaac, he's like, oh, um, could you double check? May I do maybe? Can you get it in writing? Yeah. Maybe.

And it's me trying to be nice to a customer service person while also asking for a manager, the dramatic scene. Oh my God, you've been so helpful. Do you have a supervisor who I can say, what a great job you did? Right, right, yeah. And also maybe they have the answer to my question. Well, yeah, no, all things considered, Isaac has taken this like a fucking champ, right?

He, Isaac's like, you sure that's what God said? He's like pretty sure. He wears that hat, he gets it. I feel like Isaac has had a like, I am sorry man, I gotta stab you conversations. That's fair. I've been there. That's fair. Yeah, he's like, well, you know, he came all this way, I guess, kill me. And then of course we get the famous binding of Isaac, right? Because in the Bible, it says he tied Isaac up and put him on thing. Now, in the Bible, it also doesn't say Isaac was cool with this, right? So the implication is he tied Isaac up and put him on the thing now in the Bible It also doesn't say Isaac was cool with this right so the implication is he tied Isaac up because Isaac was fighting to get away But no in this movie. It's like yeah, I guess you should probably tie my hands together so that I look more sacrificial

Okay, as someone who's tried to brush a toddler's teeth if they had done that in this point in the movie It would have been a comedy Come on, but hey, don't you want us to sing the farmer song? Oh So yes, we ties Isaac up throws him on the thing I Like that Isaac finally took the hat off for this moment. He did yeah Yeah, it felt like an extra test from God being like, okay, I know you want to kill him now But like what if the hat is fine? What if he's not wearing a hat? You still have to do it though. And he's still doing it.

Abraham's still doing it. So he lights the fire. He puts him on the thing, takes off the hat. He lifts the knife. We get a budgell, a flash, a weird God shit. Like basically we get all the stuff they didn't find room for elsewhere in the movie. Okay. Didn't you want like a one, two, three go count here?

Didn't it seem like there should be a little bit more build up officially? But he does it early, like he's pulling a two. Yes, he's like one, two, and he just jumps away. Sorry, sorry, I'm good, I'm good. I got this, I got it. It's like it tickles, it's like it tickles now. Okay, okay, okay.

No, I'm gonna do it So it's a bit he lifts the knife up He gets this God flesh and then suddenly it'll God's like ah psych. God you Jesus you should see the look on your face, dude Ha boom Cameras and to be clear like that is what God does God's like now. I know you fear me and is I really? That's how aren't you psychic? Yeah, aren't you the creator of thoughts? Yeah, you knew how this was gonna go, right?

Is this a prank show? I asked someone earlier if it was a good idea and they said yes. Yeah, and because we're stuck with the fucking Bible story, they see a lamb and they go, oh, let's kill this instead. Yes. I wanted so badly for Abraham to be like,

Isaac, did you shit your pants? Cause we have like a three day walk back. And I know you don't have a change of clothes cause you were wearing that hat the whole time. It was going to be an awkward walk no matter what. Because if you know, I almost have to do now, but like the shit also now. Look, we have three days to get this story straight for your mother.

And as you can tell, she treats me like shit. So I need to put a real good glaze on this meatball. You know what I'm talking about? I thought honestly, God was going to jump in and be like, fuck, dude, I meant Ishmael. Obviously the one you're going to stay. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah.

Jesus. Oh, I'm going to kill right, right, yeah. Jesus. No, I'm gonna kill him. Oh, okay, okay. Well, it's okay. So, and this is a problem that's inherent in the biblical story as well, right? Cause at this point, God's like, now that I know you fear me and will do anything for me,

I'm not gonna break my promise about you having all these descendants. But then it's like, so you were gonna break your promise until now? Yes. You already made this vow repeatedly and yes, the answer is yes. I get to call Baxies. Most of the Bible, hey, we've read the Bible and have been acting through it multiple times

now. Most of the Bible is the God is God calling Baxies. No, you're right. Though that is fair. Yeah. So then, lest you think this was some kind of filthy Jew movie, we cut to 2,000 years later on Mount Calvary. Yes. And again, the point of this scene is to be like, huh?

You think killing a kid is bad, but God killed his kid. Right. Yeah. What do you mean? That's not better. Right. Yes. To be clear, God was like, oh, this is good. This is good. I should do that too with my son. But I'll do it. But go through with it. But I'm going to go through with it because I'm still mad at me. Yeah. Like God starts to crucify Jesus. And he's like, huh? Looking around for like God, God to stop. Right, God, God to stop him. Nothing. All right. I'm doing this then. I was told all doers have a cause.

Oh, I'm going to crucified my kid. Dammit. So, yeah, we get that truly this man was the son of God, Lion, the guy. And yet another fucking movie that has a chance to do the earthquake in the zombie army and chooses not to. Doesn't do it Howard's cowards and then we get we close on John 3 16 John 3 16 the most boring of the Bible phrases And then of course everything fades out in John 3 16 except for his only son Credits, huh?

Get it cuz it was God's only son. Yeah, that was the son we were talking about the whole time that he chose to have. That's why Ishmael doesn't count. Yeah, right. And I don't know if you guys noticed, but there's actually a couple of post credits Bible verses as well. Did not notice. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't notice. The problem was I had turned off the movie. Right, because yeah, why would you keep? Yeah, actually the only reason I knew is because I kept fast forward it, like I kept like scrolling my cursor along the bottom

to be like, how much of this is credits, right? But a lot of this is credits, right? A lot of credits, yeah, it was a good one for credits. Yeah, it was, it was like 12. We love a big credit scene here. If you wonder like what we enjoy as the doers of this podcast, 10 minutes of credits, oh, right, hits the real spot here in God of Movies.

My favorite films. And the reason, by the way, that there were so many accredences because at the end there's like three and a half minutes of all the Kickstarter backers and one point types. So all the folks responsible. All right, well, it looks like Christian movie studios have run out of good Bible stories to tell,

and yet they're still telling them. So, assuming they're gonna get to everything eventually, which terrible Bible story film adaptation are you looking forward to the most? Ooh, I'm gonna go with the lovers with Donkey Size Generals, though, I have seen that movie, so I think it could just be a title issue. Oh, does a series or whatever it is, yeah, yeah, exactly. Minidoles though. Okay. I have seen that movie. So I think Yeah, I was thinking the thing when David takes 204 skins off the Philistine soldiers

sure or sense them. He's like, there you go. We're the better now. You're right. Your blood wives or something. Nobody ever explains who counts them or anything. Yeah, those are the questions I wanted to ask. You could call that one the four skin unleashed. Oh. I did it. Well done. No, I'll stop the podcast right now.

Don't do any of the other stuff. No, no, I have to. Here we go. Well, that does it for our review of his only son. Four skin unleashed. Morgan, put that in where I say it. This is not going to do it in the episode. Morgan, delete all the stuff.

Because we still leave the temp ourselves back in next week. Morgan put that in It's not gonna do it in the episode Because we still need to tell ourselves back in next week. So Eli tell us what's on deck? Well, Noah, we're headed to Orlando, Florida, which means we've got to take on some local yokels So we'll be watching the Catholic League's anti-Disney documentary Walt's Disenchanted Kingdom. Oh my fucking, are there tickets still as your general admission tickets still available for that show? There are a couple, yes, not a lot, but there are some. Godawfulmovieslive.com or check the show notes for links to buy your tickets. So with that to look forward to we're going to bring episode 445 you on Merciful

Glows. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to catch yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com.com. And they're by your early access to an ad free version of our episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a faster review and help make the show go. If you'd like to catch yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com. And thereby earn only access to an ad-free version of our episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a 5 star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our civilly shows, the skidding and the excitation, the D&D minus, and the skeptic kind of a world where ever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email a god off and we'll send you a gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatman, who we've addressed so much. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, Ray Neelaw, Bostic, I'm the LawLegends, promised to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes. God kept his promise, and everything was super chill for the descendants of Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac ever since. Yeah. Sarah would go on to die, and for some reason the descendants of Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac ever since. Yeah. Sarah would go on to die and for some reason the part of the Bible about that would mostly

be Abraham haggling about the price of her burial plot. Isaac would go on to give the wrong kid his dad blessing, which if you think about it's a pretty funny one, it's a good one. Got him. Morgan, if you could just play that gently and teeth every time you try to go to sleep for the next year, the proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC cap rate 2024, all rights reserved.