God Awful Movies - 454: Stiches (2001)

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

This week, Twitch streamer Kiptid joins us for an atheist review of Stiches, the story of a demon in an old lady suit tricking people out of their souls by asking if they don't not want to give them to her. --- Check out more from Kiptid here: https://m.twitch.tv/kiptid/home --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I I'm convinced Eli doesn't know what a writer is. I don't know what fucking anything is. I also don't know what a writer is. I am so there for you. You are a near and dear person in my life and heart and I want nothing But the best for you, but gun to my head. I'm like everyone watch my friends, please Sometimes Amazon Prime gives you money. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Hey, if you have Amazon Prime, use it to order one Kip. I don't know.

God awful movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. We got an accidental comedy. I'm so fucking excited. Didn't we though? I love these. Just from the special effects alone.

Oh, and of course sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnik. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Oh, let me just tie up my human suit here. I am ready to go. All right, awesome. And we're pleased to welcome a new guest master guest who knew what they were getting into

and got into it anyway. Kip Tid is a monster loving Twitch streamer who will turn any video game into a dating simulator and is also a pastor's kid so I'm sure dad loves this career move. Kip, welcome to God Awful Movies. Thank you for having me. You know, if I still talk to my parents, I think they would have so many just wonderful things to say about having a queer non-binary kid with a performing arts degree? Just glowing with life. Every pastor's dream, yes.

So tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Stitches. It's I think the training video they show in hell for demons to learn all the technicalities that might trip you up when you're negotiating a deal. Oh my god, it is! Right? Okay. It's the dark art of the deal.

That's what we watched. We talk about like crazy billionaire remakes. For the $3 it would cost us to the rights to this movie, we just pause it and have someone in devil makeup walk out and be like, now what did Lilith do wrong? Yeah, right. Well.

And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the one-by-one creature features of the late 70s and early 80s, but you wish it was from a boring middle manager demon perspective, you will love this movie. This movie, which by the way, as near as I can tell, was made in 2001. 2001! It looks like it's from 1957. This is the worst thing that happened in 2001. Yeah! We've said this before.

Hands down. This might be the winner. I spent this entire movie being like, man, old timey movies, and then 20 seconds before the end of the movie, I was like, when was this made? And I was like, oh no. I was checking the ages of the actors. I'm like, that can't be right.

This person must have died in 1979, Oh no, I was like checking the ages of the actors. I'm like, that can't be right. This person must've died in 1979, but no, no. And Kip, you actually chose this movie for us, if I'm not mistaken. So how the hell did it happen that you were even aware of this glorious piece of shit? Well, you know, I was feeling a little bit nostalgic. And when I saw the premise of demon wears an old lady's skin to fuck with people, my mind was just teleported back to Thanksgiving at Grandma's. So obviously I needed to force you three to watch it with me. Oh, awesome. I know how Kara feels a little bit now.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best and the worst at? Best worst minions. They have minions. And they're going to be made of paper. There are paper dolls. Paper themed demon at the center of this movie. That are the minions of Satan.

And you're probably thinking like, okay, how is the movie going to like do a fight with paper dolls? Just you wait. They will do that. We're going to talk about it. I really need their origin story. Yes. Right, part two is gonna be awesome.

So, I guess the prequel part minus one. Stitches two stitched. Yeah. So I was gonna go with best worst atheist. You know, we've had a lot of bad atheists in this. Well, okay, all right, wait, no. Second best worst after let there be light after the world's number one ranked atheist.

So the second best worst atheist, the atheist in this movie is just awesome. The way that they decided to show that this character was atheist is just chef's guess. This is why Matt Powell thinks he can make the documentaries he can. He's pretty sure we're all the atheists in the movie. Yeah. And I'm going to go with best worst sins, right?

So for those of you who are used to sort of like creature features, one by one, right? Horror cinema. This is a very classic trope, right? Everyone commits some kind of metaphorical sin and then the monster kills them. By the end of this movie, the sins might as well be, okay, so you didn't technically litter but you know recycling is supposed to be set. You do two different bins in your town. You have to remove the label from the bottom. Food residue means it ends up in the landfill just too much. You go to hell now. I thought they sorted those either at the garbage, too. I thought I would I would say best worst prequel film for doja cats demons music video

I had just watched that music video like the day before and I watched this I had to go back to the demons Music video and I was like are this is the same universe? Interesting what happens at the end of that video? Well, okay, so that video, it's a house that was for sale and Doja is like a demon coming in and like messing with the family and I was like, oh my God, this is where the house got like marked. Oh shit. Okay. To be like a possessed house.

Absolutely. Doja was like, I got these paper dolls. You cannot change my mind. Exactly. All right. Well, this is a horror movie, so I'm going to give everybody a minute to turn down the I was like, I got these paper dolls. You cannot change our minds. Exactly. All right. Well, this is a horror movie. So I'm going to give everybody a minute to turn down the lights

and fire up some candles or whatever. But then we'll be back with all the glorious special effects of Stitches. I'm telling you, Kip, you got to get an aura frame for Mother's Day. Oh, Heath, Kip's mom sucks. Oh, it's true. She does. Well, you could still get her an

aura frame. I can? Yeah the aura frame is the world's best digital picture frame. It has unlimited storage and an easy to use app. You can even set it up while it's in the box so all mom has to do is open it up and plug it in. I mean that sounds great but what would I why would I get her that? Well they don't have to be nice photos. Oh that true. You could do one of you like flipping her the bird Yeah, and the little message you get to select when they plug it in could be like hey you suck exactly Right now or has a great Mother's Day deal listeners could save on the perfect gift by visiting Aura frames calm to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best-selling frame. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Use the code awful at checkout to save.

Terms and conditions apply. Aura Frames. You can put whatever you want in those pictures. Heck yeah, you can. Demons to me! Yes, master. I have another challenge for you, Lilith. Ooh, another house of souls to corrupt? Indeed and what a sinful bunch they are.

There's an atheist. A non-believer. Ha! Yes and an abuser and cheat. Also there's a lady who doesn't use the bank. Sorry what? She keeps all her money at her house. And that's a sin?

Yes? Because she's losing money to inflation? To inflation, sure. That's bad. Is there anyone else at the house? Oh, yeah. No, there is. Oh, yeah.

There's also the abuser's victim and a girl who can't read. Oh, yeah, no there is. Oh, yeah. There's also the abusers victim and a girl who can't read Right. What are their sins? Yeah, I just said I just said it right a Satan question. Yeah, no open book. This doesn't feel quite like our usual group of victims I abuse victim is that what you said? I'm going to be upfront with you all. I had a different house planned, but I think I can make one of those guys a Supreme Court justice. So we're doing next door instead. Oh, got it.

So last minute switch. Last minute switch. Got it. Exactly. Abuse victim. Stop saying it back, man. I'm just clarifying. That's what you said?

And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a 16-bit logo, which is promising Spooky pixels, I can't really see Spooky pixel. Yeah, cool. I literally paused to make sure I hadn't switched the like Resolution by accident right? Yeah. Yeah. This is where I discovered that this movie streams at 363 P, a number I had not seen as an option before. You actually can't appreciate this movie unless you watch it on dial up. It's actually good. It has a warmer tone. Truly.

I wrote my notes. OK, so I'll just spend the entire film thinking I need to put my glasses on. That's OK. Yeah, right. No, I wrote my notes. Credits note, what if we just used all the effects at once? See I said the post-production team had a promo deal for like 10 free clip art downloads with like a two week trial and they're like, oh, this is going to slap so hard. Don't worry. We have all the visuals we need for the entire film.

Okay. Your kid has Mario paint. We get it. Just finished the intro. It's so long. Well, and the musician is like, well, hey, good news, guys. I know the musical equivalent of using all the effects on Mario Paint at the same time. So I'm going to do that. I love that the intro ends with a Wilhelm scream, but it like, not really. It gets muffled. It's like Wilhelm starts screaming and everybody just leaves the room and he gets ignored

He's always doing that. It's the best So okay, so the credits end and we resolve on a horned demon at a sewing machine In a room full of dangling corpses the sewing machine seems out of place there to me Yeah, this implies that demons have to make their own costumes. I feel like that's going to result in a lot of problems. Right. He's sewing together an old lady costume. Wouldn't they have a sweatshop, most likely, in hell? Yeah, you'd think.

You'd think you could get somebody to do the work for you, sure. But what you but what y'all don't understand is that this is actually just footage of RuPaul getting in drag on her fracking ranch. Great now we're in a feud with RuPaul, Kip. You're welcome. I love RuPaul, but yeah, that is a fracking ranch. So I love too that the demon holds up this old lady suit and you can see that there's like a dress attached to fake hands like a cheap doll or whatever

So we get the demon trying on the dress, but we see of course most of this through shadow because they're not about to try that Effect. Okay, but they did it weird. So my experience was a demon being like, okay skin suit is going great You know what? I'm gonna take a shadow puppet break Yeah Okay, okay, that's enough It's a doggy Back to the skin suit Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's enough. It's a doggy. Back to the skin, too.

But they did take the time with hair and makeup to put like super long nails on this demon and then show that the hands of the old woman were very short. Yes. And so the entire time I was like, that's going to rip, that's going to rip, that's going to rip. Me too. Nope, no ripping. Got it.

Cool. Well, and the demon has horns too, right? And he just puts the mask over top of his horns and the horns are gone too. I think they just fold down, right? Oh, sure, sure. Right. Oh, are they inflatable like those Halloween costumes? Or maybe they're taped back? Yeah, exactly. Right, right. Oh, Isrupal.

Has to pass multiple things. This is all coming together. This isn't a feud. This is an coming together. This isn't a feud, this is an expose. All right, but the demon is now in an old lady costume. Then we cut to this boarding house late at night with this old lady showing up. We cut inside and there's just all the people that live there are just hanging out in the living room for a minute.

And the opening line, the first spoken words of the movie are this guy Sam saying well of course nobody really believes in the old devil of the middle ages with horns and a pitchfork. I think we can all agree we're not in a scary movie right now. We are all atheists. The only way we would ever stop doing that is if we end up being in a scary movie with a skin suit demon. But that is not what's happening. Yeah, we are all hardcore atheists on this podcast.

If I said that out loud at matri on Heath would be like, Hey man, you're going to get a scary movie. Yeah, right. A demon now. You're jinxing it. Right. So we pan over this just incredibly boring group of people. Robert and Ellen, a married couple, are playing gin

as though they've been sentenced to do so. The only way I can describe the costumes and hair choices in this movie is, you know when children in a school play are dressed up as adults? Yeah. And so they've got these weird wigs on and these weird old-timey clothes clothes and you're like, all right,

elementary school performance of the miracle worker weird choice. It's that but on adults on full grown adults. Right. Yeah, it's adults playing adult. Yeah, so and then there's a there's a knock on the door. Helen Heller. Stupid. Took me so long. No, no, you're there. You did it. Yeah, that's stupid. Took me so long. No, no, you're there. You did it. Yeah. That's what matters.

It's miracle worker. So, but they're having this like theological discussion of whether or not the devil is real at just then there's like a, you know, the speak of the devil moment, there's a ring on the doorbell. And I just, you have to wonder how long she had been standing outside waiting for someone to say the words, well, demons clearly don't exist before she rang the doorbell. That's my cue. Still the weather, still the weather. Also I have to say that this like casual discussion of demon existence, one, the pacing was awful.

Two, it was absolutely giving like Hampton's 2020 quarantine party, like discussing the philosophical implications of Black Lives Matter with like a room full of like well-to-do white people. Oh, yeah. No, everyone in this room refers to their living room as the parlor. Yeah, this is awful. The sitting room. Yeah. Right. Immediately rooting for demons the whole time. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Not a single sympathetic face in the room for sure. Right.

So, and we established, so Mary is the landlady here. Mary owns the house and Catherine is her niece and she's like real bitchy and rude to her niece constantly. Okay. I almost had best worst. Catherine, get out of the fucking movie. You're the worst. We hate you.

That's the fucking movie. You're the worst. We hate you. That's the whole movie. Not since Tina was so reviled in Leap 2 that we found a character so unwelcome on screen. Oh, Leap 3 is coming. And it's just a room full of fully grown adults letting this woman abuse this child. Yeah, right. Nobody says a fucking word.

So, but Mary goes to get the door. She's like, oh, where's that piece of shit? Useless fucking niece of mine Catherine. Oh, we all hate her. I'll get the fucking door So this is where the old lady comes in the old lady who introduces herself as Lucy Lucy all bright. Yes all bright Relax I'm a demon Lucy all bright. Yes, all bright. All bright. Relax. I'm a demon.

To be clear though, I think Lucy's not Lucifer, right? Lucy's a demon, like a demon, like a lower level demon. So the demons all name themselves really close to Lucifer, but not quite? As like an homage to the boss. That's a good pun down in hell. I think even more like those parents who name all of their kids like everything starts with the letter A or something. Oh, right.

There you go. They all start with L. That is hell. Well, and honestly, given what we've seen in Christian movies, I admire the writer's restraint for not calling her Lucy DeVille. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah, right Yeah, no, that's fair. So so she comes in and they're like and Mary's like, oh, this is this is Lucy She's gonna be staying with us for a while

Opening question as she settles in Sam turns to her and she and he's like, hey, so Lucy, um, what's your opinion on the devil? Yay, or nay is that a guy? And her response is I's a terrible co-worker. Super obnoxious. Always performing, like you can't just have a regular conversation. Just in a swoosh of a doodle. You get lost, it's impossible to talk to this person. He's always doing a bit.

Just talk. And also, as they're introducing the cast for us, you cannot tell me that mr. Reynolds and Robert are not fucking like 100 fucking right absolutely Here's what happened those actors were fucking right they were like Open mouth kissing before the actor before the director called action right and then they like decided to do a fun one And they were like no seriously. Let's do a serious one. He was like no guys remember. I have this VHS recorder from 40 years ago. It's 2001 I can't go backwards on this or I'll delete my parents wedding video Still got a little cum before we start Just get a little there you go so Catherine comes in and

Mary berates her for not getting the door earlier and while she's doing that Lucy the demon old lady is just openly sewing a voodoo doll Okay, can I genuinely ask a question because I googled this are paper dolls sewn up like that they sure I've never heard of that. There was no articulation on these dolls. They are like singular pieces of paper. And so she's just doing like a blanket stitch around the edge for fun. Like what are you trying to do here?

So I hate, cause I don't have a bit for this or whatever, but this I believe is a depression era thing that was done. They would just take two pieces of paper and put a little stuffing in the middle and call it a doll. And like it came from that. This is not funny. There a little stuffing in the middle and call it a doll. And like it came from that. This is not funny. There was no stuffing in there. No, I wasn't.

It's just like I'm making South Park or something. Right. Right. And she's like, oh, this? No, this is just my doll with no face. And they're like, what? Are you foreshadowing right now? What are you doing?

Yeah. No. Right, right. No. And the way she says says I have many friends in Boston Please just call him a slur ma'am right yeah, please you know the funky bunch See now I thought it was gonna be amazing if we got a Boston demon halfway through the movie just a bill burr type kicks In the door. Hey, what the fuck is going on here? Yo, Lilith you were supposed to get these souls like 24 minutes ago. Fuck.

Got a big wet Dunkin Donuts cup he's been chewing on the whole time. I'm a fucking demon. I love to because like Sam is going to be damned if anyone will change the subject away from the realness of Satan. So every time somebody tries to say anything, he's like, yeah, but back to this whole does Satan exist thing. Realness of Satan so every time somebody tries to say anything he's like yeah but back to this whole does Satan existing and Finally like mr. Reynolds the other half of Robert's couple points out that everything in the Bible is you know demonstrably false and Nothing like that has ever been observed in the real world so Lucy says oh, you know you doth protest too much

I think you really actually want to believe in Religion and shit. Okay. I need somebody to be like guys. She's clearly a demon, right? Like you saw what? We're in the movie that we said we weren't we were speaking of the devil pulling off the skin mask She has a skin mask. This is a demon and they're all like no see now if I were the demon in this situation I'd be freaked out that they all like saw me putting on my skin suit outside and now they were fucking with me. Right, yeah. Right, because if I got in and they just immediately start talking about it, it's like, you guys

can tell me if you know. This is weird. You're making it weird. Is my suit not fit? Because it's... Bill Burr, did they catch me on the way in? Did they see me? Oh, they fucking saw you already.

Ah, shit. I'm going to go start a fight with a minority. Yeah. Your stand-up's better than your podcast. I'm gonna go start a fight with a minority. Your stand-up's better than your podcast. Because that's what I really think. The way Once's name says, oh, I'll call you Lucy Plenty, I was like, okay, she's been made. Like, this is the part where you run for the door girl.

Yeah. Right. So yeah, but ultimately she turns to the atheist kid and she goes You know the devil's greatest power is to make people do what they secretly want to do and i'm like Wow, it's weird how he's like the thing that satan is good at is is a thing that like something that doesn't exist Would also be good at right? That's so fucking weird Lucky for her. no one in this room was like hey how come you know what the greatest devil's greatest power is oh

shit also you said it's the linearity of the time dimension that's the devil's power it goes yeah that's where it gets you so okay so then we get Lucy settling into her room this is where we find out that she has telekinesis she uses her telekinesis to scooch the chair forward. This is the only thing she will ever use her telekinesis. Yes. Thank you. Doesn't it seem like you use that for other stuff?

Even just minor stuff beyond one chair ever? You'd think. It's also one of the only times in the entire film where she waves her hand in the correct direction for the object to move. Right. 90% of the time she waves her hand in the opposite direction that the object to move. Right, 90% of the time, she waves her hand in the opposite direction that the thing moves. And I'm like, what?

Excuse me? They did not tell her what was going to happen with the special effects in this movie at any point. I imagine this was someone's grandma, and they were like, we're making a horror movie. And she was like, well, no scariness and no blood. And they were like, oh, okay, we can add it after in shots where you're not there. And she was like, all right, but then I won't watch it. and they were like, oh, okay, we can add it after in shots where you're not there.

And she was like, all right, but then I won't watch it. And they were like, okay. Okay, but again, like I have to point out the brilliance of this movie, right? Cause this would just be a bad scary movie if we didn't every, I don't know, three or four scenes, watch the demon with her fucking pants off, right? Being like, ah, fucking, what do I do? Okay?

Right, you know picking her nose when no one's watching like it's so fucking behind the scenes Right, so it ever so she she like sits in her telekinesis chair. She looks through her book of screams, right? She's written through this book and like every page screams at her. I mean, honestly, looking at family memory books, I make the same exact sounds. So I understand where she's coming from. Yeah, no, fair, fair. So yeah, and of course, we're all like, wouldn't the people in the next room hear all those screams? But don't worry, the movie is going to deal with that in a bit. She pulls out a few more voodoo dolls.

It looks like she's got one for everyone in the house. And she then she casts her magic spell. I've written down her magic spell here. Here's hoping I don't accidentally summon any demons when I say this aloud. But her spell is Brown Impede, Brown Impede, which sounds like constipation to me. Yeah, right. Yeah. Sounds like constipation to me. Yeah, right. Yeah, so quickly bring what I need Okay now Let me be bold and radically vulnerable and say this is what I think happens there So spoiler alert there will be a different demon at the end of the movie named gray Okay. Mm-hmm. I think that imp was originally named Mr. Brown and she is saying

Brown imp heed Okay. All right that actually does make sense Than what the subtitles were telling me yes, yeah, yeah, but this this calls forth a Crumbled up piece of paper sidekick of hers. Yeah, but this this calls forth a crumbled up piece of paper Sidekick of hers. Yeah, right. So this crumbled up piece of paper Quivers over to her opens up We see that it has a face on the inside and then it runs off and that face is giving 100% Steve Odukirk thumbs movies would like to superimpose faces on

Yes, this is stick stick Lee the horror. So, yeah. And then she magics her mirror, too. So what we're going to find out eventually is that the crumbled up piece of paper is like a camera. The mirror is the receiver. So it's running around seeing shit for her. It's beating the beast. Yeah. Right. So now we're going to watch as it goes and checks in on all the various characters in the movie, starting with Mary the Landlord, who goes into a room and she puts a big wad

of money in her big wad of money drawer. Yeah. We're trying to establish everybody's sins, so we have her like stare longingly at her money. Like she wants to dive into the drawer Scrooge McDuck style. And I have so many questions about that drawer. Okay, I get that it's a secret drawer, but you have to open it with a straight razor every time you want to make it. You do.

It's your drawer. It's your house. Get something with a lock and key. Get a safe. A safe would be great. Get facial recognition or something, I don't know. Nobody has anything flat and sharp. Right, yeah. So, and then we cut over to Catherine's room. Catherine is trying to learn to read.

She's like in her 20s, I guess, but she's illiterate and she's trying to teach herself to read at night. That will be her sin. Yeah. We'll get there. Sin game gets weak real fast. Yeah. But then we cut to Robert and Ellen, the married couple, and he's berating her. He's like, obviously an abusive piece of shit of a character.

And the scene is super intense, except that the character is dressed. I have it down like as a toothpaste clown. Yep. I genuinely could not even think of how to describe this. Right. So I just stopped trying. Toothpaste clown is pretty good. Toothpaste clown is pretty great.

It also not helped by the fact that he tries to huffily get into a bed made entirely of doilies at the end of his abuse monologue? It's so fucking funny. He's wearing this big green, like mint green and white striped night shirt with poofy buttons down the front. Big poofy buttons. And he's getting into this bed full of decorative pillows all angrily. And they're like, take us very seriously.

This is a very serious scene. This is a very serious scene. She is in danger. I'm Ebenezer Scrooge and I prefer cogs. It is absolutely an Ebenezer Scrooge outfit from like a local production of Christmas Care. Yeah. 100%. And let me say, look, this actor, and I'm not here to judge anybody's sexual orientation,

but this actor was doing his best to portray a straight man. Maybe he is a straight man. I'm not here to say I'm not here to judge anybody for what they do But I will say that performance not helped by the fact that this abuse monologue is about her handing him the wrong cufflinks on the wrong day of the week Literally it felt like he was three seconds from like coming out of the closet at like yes Any point in that monologue. I thought it was going to be his sin.

And also like it took me hearing you say that he was arguing about cufflinks to understand that he was talking about cufflinks. I could not understand what it was about. Yeah, I had no idea. No fucking clue. Also, so this water paper demon is going room to room as we're seeing this and we keep cutting to it It's like asthmatic right, it's always

Crumpled paper trying to sneak. Yeah, so constantly it would be like Shit. Yeah, right. Exactly. Exactly. It's just a tear terrible for the job. Just holds up a newspaper I terrible for the job. He just holds up a newspaper over himself. I also really just wanted Robert to yell, I married a child, just a little bit louder, because that's his big insult to his wife. It's just like, I'm married. I'm like, yes, please. I don't think that the local precinct heard you. So yeah, and then, but so then the crumbled piece of paper goes and checks on Sam.

Sam was the person who was arguing that there was indeed a medieval devil earlier. He's in his bed reading his Bible. Right. And we even cut to the demon going like, All right, yeah, we're not going to get anything from this. This guy's going to be a real bitch. Let me tell you. He's just reading a Bible. Should I should I do like a sex thing with my Body No, okay. No, I'll just move on. Got it. Okay. Did you hear someone say jerk off? I heard someone say honestly, the the crumple paper should have just replaced the photo of his wife in the in the portrait frame and then like got the guy on like adultery or unfaithfulness Paper, yeah, right or just you know, if you if he looks at a woman with lust, that's enough. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Right after this, they show the crumbled up paper sneaking under the covers of a bed. It turns out it was a different room, but I thought it was still this guy who had been reading the Bible. So I was like, what is happening? Would that count as you got him?

If a crumbled up piece of paper like rolled in there and touched his penis and then like that? That's a gotcha? No, my crumbled up piece of paper rolled in there and sucked your dick. You have to go suck it. It was a guy paper? So weird.

Well, and speaking of which, the bed that it's in is miss Lester, right? She's a school teacher that also lives there miss Lester. Like do we see her? I guess she's got a gun under her pillow Right good old America. Yeah, right, obviously I didn't know what it was but like she checks the device under her pillow and then turns off the light and I'm just expecting a off the light and I'm just expecting a rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble just sound or something like that. I'm like, all right, I know her sin, but no, that's not that's not it. And then we cut to finally, the atheist guy from before.

I laughed so hard at this scene. It's so good. Because the writer was like, all right, well, what would an atheist probably do as they go to sleep? Probably recite arguments against God out loud to themselves. Certainly what I do at night. They cut to Mr. Reynolds. He's like on a zoom call with Matt Dilla hunty being like, I want to debunk the Kalam cosmological

argument. How am I doing that when I argue at my B&B tomorrow with people? I'm going to start a new app to help you get to sleep better. Forget about counting sheep. Just listen to people monologue about the existence of God. Right, yeah. Two critical thinking. You'll fall asleep instantly.

That'll be good. So, okay. So now it's late that night. We see Lucy, she goes out to the porch. Apparently a couple of tall demons in top hats have arrived with suitcases for her. I was so excited when they showed up. I was like, can I summon tall, dark, and mysterious men to be in the heat packages? Right? With top hats? They seem pretty cool.

Yes. And they just deliver like on the spot, like real fast. And they bow to her. It was very respectful. Sinsta cart she ordered. But think about the the ontological right the philosophical implications of this of hell having bellboys right because that means that either there are fallen angels right who soared down into the depths of hell with Satan arose and he was like great you guys will just take care of bags when it comes up.

Or there are people damned to hell and while Hitler's getting a pineapple up his ass, they were like, you will carry the luggage. I'm like, oh really, that's not too bad, yeah. So, but then she gets her luggage and then she knocks on the atheist guy's door, she wakes him up. We've established that he's gotta get up early

to go to Boston the next day, right? She doesn't tip, by the way, which I found. No, you're right. Mmm. Truly evil. So she's like, hey, you know, they just dropped off my luggage. She's two tall demons and top hats and I, you know, I'm an old lady. I can't get it upstairs to my room. Can you do it?

And I'm like, wow, this is really easy because you just say no and then go back to bed, right? And I'm like, wow, this is really easy because you just say no and then go back to bed, right? But no, he agrees to help her with her fucking boxes of anvils so we get him carrying all the stuff up and As he's like putting it in a room. He goes to leave she goes Mr. Reynolds, what would you give? to know. All right, I'm going to take off. Well, can you imagine you've got this early trip? You've just carried six bags up for a rando and now she's trying to sell you Jesus shit

after you just said you needed to get a bed. Yeah. So he's trying to leave. She's trying to get him to make a deal. She will tell him she will prove to him whether or not there's a god if he agrees to give her anything she wants But it's set up like the start of every port. Well, not every porn but 90% of porn that I've seen It's like you want to know if demons are real i'll fuck you until you until you're seeing god in every other word Exactly, well and he follows along with it. She's like come undo the back do the back of my dress. And he's like, I don't know.

And she's like, no, it's not anything improper. And he's like, well, okay, if you say it's not anything improper, I'll take your clothes off. It's just a normal non-sexual thing under your dress that you want me to take off right now? Right. Uh-huh. So yeah, this guy really needs to learn to say no, but he takes

her dress off and you can see that her skin suit is just sewed together in the back like with a big open gap like, like she hadn't worn it since high school and it doesn't fit as well as she remembered it fitting. Yeah, I'm sorry. If your whole schtick as a demon is sewing and like your sewing machine and your little like paper sewn dolls, whatever. Right. Your seamstress skills need some work. Right. If this is how your masterpiece is fitting. Right. Like come on.

Yeah, also use your telekinesis to take it off if you want to take it off. There you go, yeah obviously. And if you want to prove to this guy that like magic is real and demons float something, I don't know, do anything else. It's so much easier. So involved.

Well what I love is that this atheist after he like undoes her dress He sees that she hits just a demon wearing a skin suit because you can see the demon skin under it She's like now take off the stitches of my skin suit and he's like, well, okay, I guess well, I met it No, you don't know No, how amazing would this scene be if he had just been like, no, I got it. I saw you're a demon. You thought I was going to be like burn victims. Yes.

The real proof of the devil. So, oh, and we should point out at this point that she has put a leaf on the door that it magically keeps all the sound inside the room. So now, no matter how loud he screams. No one will hear right? I love to think that she does has like a little pocket full of petals Just ready to go. Yeah, and she's like fumbling for some like change if she ever tipped a bellboy or whatever Yeah, and it's just like oh, sorry all my pedals. Oh, no, you can't hear anything. Yeah, right, right Well, that's why she probably stopped tipping. Ah, shit, the inside of the earth is completely silent now.

I don't know what that's gonna affect. I had a handful of kicks fell out. So yeah, but so she takes off her suit long enough to show that she is indeed a demon. Again, we see this in Shadow, because that demon makeup was very expensive. Took way longer than we thought. We can only show it once.

Yeah, right. And Henry was not happy once he was in it. Took way longer than we thought. We could only show it once. Yeah, right. Henry was not happy once he was in it. He was very angry at us. So yeah, but she's like, and you agreed to give me anything, so now you belong to the devil. And we get perhaps the greatest special effect in the movie. But before that special effect,

she tells him to crawl across the floor. She's like, come here, and then she's like, no, crawl. And I'm like, OK, so sex is still on the table. Yeah. For sure. Right. But when he gets there, she grabs his finger and she stretches it into the sewing machine

and then turns him into thread. Right. And maybe you're thinking of some grotesque, practical special effect that you see his skin unraveling from the muscle and bone. Oh, no, no, no. Don't worry. The glob go glab glab bounces off of his finger. Fucking my niece's first time on Photoshop extends from his finger. And they're like, yep, flesh colored blob.

That is thread now. And then we see his face and you can see his face being pulled down with just but they're just bending The fucking graphic or whatever. It's so ridiculous. They watched face off and then they were like, oh I got an idea I got it. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, but but she's gonna pull his whole body through his finger until he's fucking spooled to death finger until he's fucking spooled to death. Which for the premise of this film is so confusing because they set it up like, like, oh,

she's going to want to wear him like the old lady suit and like stitch yourself up into it. No, she just wants some like flesh thread. Right? You have no idea how expensive yarn is since I got into it. This is really... All right. Well, now that all us atheists know what we got coming to us, I suppose we should pause to give everybody a chance to repent. It would be only fair, but we'll be back in a minute with even more... Stitches.

And so I don't know if we'll get a chance to get a raid going this weekend. Got to see what's going on. Thanks for the love, Foodle Doodle 42. Welcome to the Buzz Squad. Eli, what are you doing? And how do we make it stop right now? Uh, Kip inspired me. I am also a Twitch streamer now.

Well, I would be if my phone would work. Dang it. Data problems again. Yeah. I mean, I pay so much, but I've got terrible signal signal. Well why don't you try Mint Mobile? Oh what's... What's Mint Mobile? No, no, absolutely not. That's illegal to steal. It's 1.75 seconds. Show me the stopwatch. Are we still doing the arrow? Yeah you're good. This is a different thing. Checking the watch though. Okay cool. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest

5G network. I don't know, Kip. Do I have to switch phones? Nope. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited time deal and get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month. All right, Kip. I'm sold. Where do I sign up? To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to Mintmobile.com slash gam. That's Mintmobile.com slash gam. Cut your

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Boz House. Worse. Oh. And so I i said can we get something besides a pitchfork like a scimitar maybe oh how do you take that not well blah blah blah company branding you know the girl yeah yeah all right guys i am ready to go to the surface I am ready to go to the surface Dude Beelzebub What the hell are you wearing?

One second one second. Ah, it's my skin suit. I'm a I'm a human. You sure aren't man. No stitches What did you do? It doesn't look good. No, no, it looks awful Okay. Well if I'm being honest, I was not expecting sewing to be quite such a big part of my job as a demon. I think it's inside- is it inside out? It's totally inside out, yes. Okay, wait, let me get in, let me get in. Agh! Okay.

Is this better? Dude, is that Alan Rickman? Right? Alan Rickman. What do you mean, right? Everyone loves Alan Rickman. He's been dead for a while, dude No Professor Snape. Yeah, man. You're like he'd prefer a die hard reference. Yeah, so wait You're saying I shouldn't go to earth as Alan Rickman. Definitely not. Okay, fine. Fine. I'll go change

Hey, wait, wait, wait Before you change quick thing you you want to kick me off a cliff and say yippee-ki-yay? Yes, please. Me too! Yeah, I wanted to. But you guys have to be quick, because I am running late now. Nice. I go first.

And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to open on the next morning with everybody wondering where Mr. Reynolds is, where the atheist guy is, but not for long enough. Well, and I love this moment, because this has to happen in every horror movie, right, where there's the first very early in the movie kill and everyone has to be like, I probably just took a bus to somewhere he wasn't ever going to tell anybody about. We've got 90 minutes left in the movie. Yeah, exactly.

So but we established he's gone and nobody cares all that much. And then we get Lucy happening upon Catherine, the illiterate niece, and she's like, darn it, she just all fumbles and nerves. She accidentally says a swear. Oh, yeah. Lucy comes in and it's like, hey, I heard you suck at like everything. You're the worst. And very first thing that happens, Catherine's like, I hurt my hand. I hurt my face. Oh, my eye. I put my face in a paper shredder. Okay, this one feels like kind of a gimme So but yeah, right so Lucy's like hey, I want to read your palm and I'm like, ooh, that's the sin right there Yeah, right your palm read. Mm-hmm, but she says yeah, I see in your palm that you don't know how to read

Yes, the well-known palm line that tells the world if you know how to read or not. Yeah. It's like... Well if you don't know how to read, you can't read it. That's right. You don't ever hear about it because the people who haven't seen it don't know how to read it. I like to think that in this universe, when you pass the reading test in grade school,

your school librarian just slices that into your flesh. Right. This one knows how to read. You don't have the cut. Or you get to watch the reading line grow into your hand. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But she's like, oh, you know, I know what it's like to not know how to read.

I didn't learn to read until I was all grown up. And we all wrote in our notes, wait, is Catherine's sin that she wants to know how to read? Spoiler alert, yes. Yes. Well, her sin is that she wants more than God has given her, right? God made her stupid so she should be happy to be stupid. That's how God made her. Now, I will point out Catherine's not totally innocent because she's like, oh, wouldn't she like to be smarter? And Catherine's like, yeah, whenever I see a smart person, I just want to kill them and steal their smarts.

And I was like, okay. I mean, that's a weird impulse. I get it. Couldn't you just imagine that you could suck it out with a straw or something? Right. Or clone it or something. Why do they have to? Murder them and steal it as a first impulse, Catherine?

I feel like we got to work that through. Do a little CBT maybe. But Lucy's like, hey, you know what? Just so happens that I have a secret book that'll help you read She's like really a whole book and she's like well the props department Couldn't quite do that realistically so I have a pamphlet for you here Instead. Okay, so I'm sorry. I'm just checking this demons packing list Flesh sewing machine check. Yep, gotta have that. Mm-hmm. Somelesh sewing machine, check. Gotta have that. Some literature?

Yup, gotta have some. On behalf of Satan? Okay, good, just checking, just checking. It's gonna get weirder as we go, man. It sure does. But she's like, yeah, this secret book, this devil book will make you learn how to read, and she's like, ooh, that sounds great.

But just then, Mary comes in and she snaps at Catherine for having any joy in her life. The landlady absolutely deserves to become a paper doll. Like she is a monster to Catherine. Yeah. I don't care about the money. I care about how she treats this child. Yeah, I don't know why the demon waits until it's like,

ah, 12% APR. All right, I got you. Like you're good. You're good on the being mean to the child thing. Right. Her and Robert. So that night everybody's having tea in the parlor or whatever and We see a little moment where like Lucy is trying to slip Katherine the little devil book. Okay I laughed so hard at this moment but first because there's a long silence and everybody's just having an awkward night after like maybe one of us got murdered,

but we're just gonna hang out in the parlor. And then one guy's like, Jin, motherfucker, I win at cards. Idiot. Yeah. And then he's like, hey, single school teacher lady, do you wanna play cards, I mean? No.

Robert, no one is confused about what you want to play. The whole house has been watching you annihilate your wife, Gin Rummy, for days. They don't want to play with you because you're absolute dick about it. Right. I love Gin and I, and when I, the only thing I love more than Gin is pussy. Yummers. I love how it's like a two wet roast beefs. That's what I love about it. Yum. Yeah, so he tries to get everybody to... Now we should point out by the way that Sam noticed

when Lucy tried to slip the devil book to Catherine, he notices he knows a demon in an old lady's suit when he sees one, right? Well, he's a godly man. Exactly. Exactly. And this is where Mr. Grey, who again, is just super obviously aware that she's a- That's Sam, by the way. Yeah, is like, hey, Lucy, this morning,

you said, he said he wanted to take an early train, but there weren't any early trains. He might as well just go, so you're pretty obviously a demon. Yeah, right, right, so you're demoning. But yeah, yeah. So everybody starts going to bed. He stops her in questions or he's on to her.

Right. And so then we go upstairs where the asthmatic crumpled wad is now stealing Miss Lester's key as she sleeps the school teacher. Right. Yeah. So she gets it for Lucy and then Lucy uses her, correct me if I'm wrong, kazoo of doom. I have it as her vape.

Oh, OK. I thought it was the breathalyzer. And I was like, OK, sure. You don't have a car, though. So she uses this little kazoo to turn Miss Lester blue, a la violet Beauregard and Willy Wonka Mm-hmm, right. Hey quick question. Just throwing this out there. Why the fuck does that happen? I have no fucking it's never relevant to anything because Mario paint Eli because Mario

Yeah, Mario paint sure. Yeah, all the effects yet, but also So she has a magic like doppelganger kazoos or whatever so Lucy can turn into whoever. Yes. So the skin suit was just like because that's fun to do for one of the things. Just for funsies. You just completely undermine the entire premise of your film. If she can just turn into whoever she wants, whenever she wants, why are we fucking around with a skin suit? Well, the weirdest part is is that later on she's gonna trick take the form of one of these characters But it's a skin suit right so like I thought for a while that she had all of them as Skin suits right she just like had a skin suit for all of them in her bags

But she takes off the old lady's skin suit and is Miss Lester underneath it. So either she's got a skin suit on a skin suit or she can shape shape. Tom Cruise is watching this movie being like, this doesn't make any fucking sense. I'm really abusing the skin suit mechanic. I'm going to find a better religion. And then again, correct me if I'm wrong,

but then Lucy uses her magic powers to make Robert have to pee? Yep. So for those of you keeping track of her inventory for her D&D character sheet, we now have sewing machine that works with flesh. We have some literature about the devil and why you might want to join up with him.

A vape that turns people purple while they sleep and a have to pee-be dropper. Yep. She literally just did like the demon version of a frat house prank. Yes. Like, is this just like, is whatever happening in this house just demon sorority rush week? Spoiler alert, but yes. So yeah, so but now she's f she's faking being Miss Lester.

And as Robert's coming out of the bathroom, she stops him and seduces him. Right? Right. She's like, here's my key. Come to my bed. I'll be pretending to sleep. Have aggressive sex with me no matter what I say. That do not stop and ask for consent.

Really just get in there and he's like, oh yeah, I can't wait. Yeah. So, so okay so it's late that night Robert comes in for a fucking he's still rocking his toothpaste clown outfit by the way mm-hmm and he starts just now look look if this guy had any kind of like pacing in his lovemaking this isn't all that. I mean, it's still fucking weird, right? She wakes up and some dudes like giving her a light kiss or whatever.

But he goes all the way for fucking right away. He's zero to 60 in no seconds. She is dressed and under blankets, and he appears to be trying to initiate the first thrust while that situation is going on. The way he pulls her up out of bed, it is literally that board game. Don't wig daddy. Yes. It's just like, now you are upright.

So and also she screams at this point, she's like screaming and telling him to stop. And he's like, well, no, obviously, because you said earlier. So so when she pulls out her gun and shoots him, it's like, well, yeah, even if you had been the one that propositioned him at the bathroom, that is a justified move there, right? Yeah. This is not like the porn Don't Wake Daddy that I've seen. No, not at all.

I love the Hasbro porn series. The Mouse Trap? Oh my God. The first one being Hasbro, which is, you know, pretty self-explanatory. The problem with the mouse trap is it never quite gets all the way there, you know? Yeah. So the ball never really drops into the tub. Connect four.

Sorry. Hungry, hungry. hungry hungry Kip I want you to know Heath is going to be completely silent for the next 30 minutes of this recording because he's thinking of board game funds but it's too late but he's still accumulating more just so you know yeah okay yeah just send me a message later with all of them there'll be an episode like 454.1 or something. .1. Yeah.

Chocanol. Chocanol is good! That was pretty good. So, okay, so she shoots. Poop shoots in ladders. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Noah. I know you are trying to do a podcast. Yeah, so you gotta put a podcast or two here, but thank you.

Candy Glans. There are! Nice, anyway, well done, well done. If you delay long enough. So yeah, so, but she shoots the dude, she runs out all covered in blood and Lucy's right there and she's like, all right, calm down. No need to get all worked up about it. And I'm like, no, there is though, right? Everyone listens to Lucy way too quickly in this movie, right?

She's like, come on, do my skin suit. And he's like, all right, I'll see where this is going. And now this girl's committed murder of a supposed rapist. And she's like, let's go back in and chat this through. And she's like, I mean, you are older than me in the time dimension. OK, I'll hear you. Right. Yeah.

But not even let's go back in. At first, she just says, go back to your room. And the woman's like, bye, mice. And she's like, go back to your room. And the woman's like, bye mice. And she's like, I'll be there with you. And it's like, okay, well you could have, the man is still in there. Yeah, you was let's go back. Yeah, exactly.

So they go back into the room, Robert, who is dressed, I have to emphasize this again, as Ebenezer Scrooge, as a toothpaste found, is now holding this tiny little decorative pillow against his bullet wound. It's like this actor was like, okay, I'm going to do this as silly as it's possible to get away with. I just like he's mad at the filmmaker.

See this is why you need 19 pillows on the bed sometimes. You might need to stop the blood. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So they argue in front of, they have like a sibling and he did it. No, she did it. Kind of an argument. She throws a little like book at him and they have like a sibling, he did it. No, she did it kind of an argument. She throws a little like book at him and he's like, ow, okay. Ow.

Right in the bullet wound. Jeez. So, but then Lucy's like, all right, well let's move him into my room. And nobody is like, this is weird. You're doing weird things, lady. Why are we following your directions? Yeah. Right.

But so she gets the, get them into her room, lay them down on her bed. And then she just sends Ms. Lester away. She's like, all right, well, you know, you did your part now. And, and, and Ms. Lester's like, okay. Yeah. I am, I am kind of nappy still.

I'll just, I'll just head back. Yeah. I really didn't get much sleep wrong. I think it's one of those things where you wake up early, but not so close to waking up that you can get back to sleep. I'm going to try. I'm going to try. Yeah. But so then, so Robert and Lucy are alone in the room now, and she starts explaining to Robert that she can save his life and make the bullet wound go away if he'll give her his soul. Well I wish I wish she said give me your soul.

She's like wouldn't you do anything if I could heal you? And he's like what do you mean by anything? And she's like I kind of need you to keep it vague. Yeah right right yeah. From my evil. Let me put a time travel tourniquet tummy belt on you while we talk there you go another I'm so glad I packed my magic bullet hole You know, she was standing there with her husband and her husband was like honey

You're not gonna need your tourniquet tummy time travel belt and she was like you never know I might go swimming time I don't bring it So yeah so she puts that on him the the wound gets sucked away And then she like reaches in to get the bullet out with the fucking thing that Arnold got the bug out of his head with in total recall Right the little gun and the whole time she's monologuing about how like science is actually just devil magic and how they like Redress how devil magic looks to humans every so often to like go with the times What?

Yes, well cuz he asked her what all the stuff is and she like we didn't think about that all science is devil magic Right. Yeah, she says she's like well, you know all this medical looking stuff I used that instead of magic stuff because otherwise you wouldn't believe all of this and I'm like He's gonna not have a bullet wound at the end I think you could have just gone to hocus Pocus, Focus Chocus or whatever and he still would believe you at the end. Also, it doesn't matter because he's now like you possess a soul and you're gonna sew him into a fucking voodoo doll.

Just go right to Brown and bleed or whatever. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's gonna be a magic thing. There you go. So yeah, so and then we cut down, we hear this like weeping sound and we cut down to the paper doll and we see the atheist guy is trapped inside it, right? With all the fucking graphical quality of the Annoying Orange. And again, like, it is super not scary to see a paper doll with the Annoying Orange face on it going, HAPA!

Yes, exactly! Well, and then once, I guess, once they figure you're good and terrified, they cut up to Robert looking up, and Lucy has a crochet hook right over top of him. So apparently she's going to crochet him to death. Okay, this guy sucks for sure, but I feel like the you know Shakespearean ruse of Robin Goodfellow shouldn't really count as a mortal sin either right right? Yes, the abuse of his wife should count. That's not what they're going for sure we established that he is a spousal abuser

We did not need you vaudevillian shenanigans to trap him. Right. Yeah. So, OK. So then we cut back to Miss Lester. She's like rocking back and forth in the room. And that's when Robert's wife, Ellen, shows up. She's like, hey, I have to help you cover up the shooting. Right. We're going to clean up and we're going to hide the body or whatever. Which OK, for the record, the scene that we were talking about earlier,

where they show her turning like blue or purple or whatever for a hot second. That shot was so freaking fast that I could not tell the first time I watched this movie. I had to watch this twice because I must have blinked the first time. And I genuinely thought that this was just like evil women hating hating men stuff coming up. Mm-hmm Like they made no effort whatsoever to delineate when it was the demon and when it was just right these people being awful No, I don't think the movie knows at certain moments, which is which yeah in three scenes They make up a thing so you can tell when it's the demon and when it's not a demon because of this scene.

Right, yeah. Hey guys, that scene sucked. The demon has a limp now. We'll get to it. Right, yeah, yeah, exactly. But we're not gonna go back and wreck on it at all. Right, no. Absolutely not. I think they root the movie with the skin suit idea as the vehicle and then they just like gave up because they couldn't execute it. And now they have no idea because it's just like, poof, somebody else. And the movie doesn't know. Yeah, right. Like they thought that they were going to have scenes of her changing into the

suit that looked like Miss Lester or changing into the suit that looked like Ellen or whatever. Yeah. But yeah. But now Ellen is the demon pretending to be Ellen in an Ellen suit or using Ellen doppelganger powers or whatever. And Miss Lester is like, well, no, I really think we should call the police because, you know, he was trying to rape me and it's justified to shoot him. And you know, demon Ellen says, no, you know, the police, the judges, the juries, they're all men, they'd never believe you.

And I'm like, yeah, just another way the devil uses feminism against us so what's amazing is that you feel like the demon Lucy checked in with her supervisor in between she was like yeah so I got that guy because he gave me anything and then you know Mrs. Lester shot him and the boss was like sorry what she was actually self-defending so can you go get her on like a technical charge like lesbianism? Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. The lesbianism was chef's guess. I got so excited. I was like, OK, now I now I can fully endorse this film.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, because Ellen turns to her and she's like, oh, so I have to help you clean up. Go ahead and get naked here in the middle of the room. And she's like, you sure we wouldn't want to use a bathroom for this? Because there is a bathroom in this house, I have to assume. And she's like, no, you have to get naked here in the middle of the room and she's like you sure we wouldn't want to use a bathroom for this because there's a bathroom in this house I have to assume and she's like nope you have to get naked right now we have to be close like sisters who wash each other nakedly in the middle of our bedrooms it was a different time in 2001 no I guess yes

he then writes formative years was a lot like don't wake daddy So yeah, so she starts washing her off and and and miss Lester's like hey, how about I just do my own boobs You could just I would I also have access to this and then she's watch But then she's just overcome with passion and she kisses demon Ellen and it turns out that her sin was being a lesbian the whole time. Right, which Ellen slash demon reacts to by being like, oh that's convenient good. Yeah right, yeah, oh awesome. Because I had no idea how I was gonna get you, I gotta be honest you were just sort of a blood-covered lady. Sometimes the work comes to you, sometimes you come to the work, that's what we always say. Right. So, yeah.

So Ellen's like, so, hey, so, hey, I will definitely fuck you. Would you do anything for me if I fucked you? And even if you're not a demon, there's like, this is a terrible time to say yes. Right. That's a dumb thing to say yes to. But yeah. And the rule seems to be the word. Anything has to be in there.

Yes, exactly. But Miss Lester doesn't say the word so you can just get him to say yes to you the demon saying anything in a question Right is weird. I feel like it should have to be like an exit row scenario where it's like I need a verbal Can't be yepers. It has to be yes. Yes. Yeah, wish master genie is watching this movie. Oh, come on. That's bullshit Every time I fly with Anne she insists on doing a yepers or mm-hmm or something not yes My god every time and still worse and the one sees the flight attend coming and is already like shaking and smiling I'm in laughing. I'm ready to do it. That's the rolling, that's the knocking over roll ups of the sky.

Yeah. That's it. All right, so then, so they get, I guess, done fucking. They head down to Lucy's room to, you know, finish their deception and death murder cover up or whatever. She says, Ellen says to her at this point, don't be afraid.

And Ms. Lester's like, I can't be afraid now. It's too late to be afraid, I'm a lesbian now. Right, yes, I'm not afraid, I'm a lesbian. Once you scissor, you can't feel fear. Yes. They like just had sex though, nothing counts right now. It can't count when you say things right after you had sex. That's nothing.

Come on. He's used that argument before. So. So, yes, but she's she's so in Lucy is so in Robert into another paper doll. Right. And he's got these little squeaks of protest, which are just fucking delightful. Yeah. And again, I'm sorry, I keep bringing it back to the stupid flesh thread. Why are we using that sewing machine when there's like literally the doll is completely sewn up with black stitches.

Yeah. It is actively in the sewing machine and there is no stitches being added anywhere to this doll. Right. I am begging this film to show me the flesh thread used anywhere. Also, when she did take his soul, she had crochet needles, so he should be a crochet doll. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. All right. Well, with the knowledge that what we've already seen in this

movie is all it has to offer and the knowledge that we still have to see it again four more fucking times, I suppose we've earned a break. But first, let me have act three, the hard sell. Will Lucy win Ellen's soul by making her answer a bunch of questions that rhyme with soul first? Will Barry burn for eternity because it didn't occur to her that the surgeon could have been a woman? Will Sam go to hell for accidentally saying what in response to guy who gives me a soul says what?

Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the plotting conclusion of Stitches. Oh, thank you for helping me to my room, Heath and Wright. Yeah, no problem, Mrs. Um... Whatever your name was. Now, I hear you're engaged. Why don't you live with your fiancé? People like having their own spaces. Right. Cool. Nothing to unpack there.

Listen, I know what your heart truly desires. I see my fiancé whenever I want to, right down the street. Knowledge, Heathenright, knowledge. Don't you desire to know what is real and what is not? No, I feel like I have a pretty good grip on that stuff. Demons, gods, I could show you the truth. Oh, are you like a Christian? So yeah, no thanks, I appreciate it, but I'm good.

No, no, Heathenright, I could help you know for certain all that you doubt. Okay. What would you give me for knowledge, Heathenright? And you're asking for money. Are you sure you're not a Christian? This feels Christian. No, I'm not Christian and I'm not asking for money. What would you give me for knowledge? I don't know. $8. Wait, what?

I have a 10, but I want to get an Arizona iced tea later. So eight. Okay, I am offering you eternal knowledge of the universe. Yeah, got that. I'm really just trying to exit the conversation at this point. Okay, fine, fine. Forget the eternal knowledge of the universe.

What will you give me for FIFA 2025 three months early? Everlasting Soul. There it is. For PS5 though. Yeah, sure, for PS5. Awesome. It's the same game. Ha ha ha ha.

And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action the next day with Ellen coming into the room. This is real Ellen seeing fake Robert fretting at the window, her husband. So and he explains at this point, you know, the demon explains through her Robert suit that he's a changed man and he's not going to be abusive anymore. He's going to give him the life they deserve with a home and servants. Oh, yes. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes servants.

Yes. Then comes the baby and the baby care. But you deserve servants? But yeah, but he promises he'll be a good husband from now on if she will rob Mary. Take all the money out of her big I don't trust the bank's drawer. Exactly. Exactly. Right. So she's like, yeah, okay. So like tax evasion is the cosmic lesson now?

I don't. Mary Grove? I guess. So yeah, so what we get Robert leaving for work, Mary's faking a headache so she can stay home that day. I have no idea why it doesn't actually matter. She doesn't rob her during the day or anything. I also have to point out that this is where they introduced the limp that I teased earlier.

As Robert is walking out, the landlady is like, Robert, are you okay? And he's like, nope, just a thing. We have not introduced to the movie yet. Yep. Yeah. I slept on it weird. Exactly. Yeah. No, I just slept on it or something is the exact lie.

This demon is so bad at lying and you'd figure that'd be like the one thing they do, right? Sewing and lying. Right, and answering why you suddenly have a limp, that's a question that demon gets all the fucking time because somehow the demon can do different heights and different weights and different voices but can't get rid of the fucking limp. Yeah, the limp that we do not see until this point is the movie. Right, right. And the movie is just gonna gaslight us on it and be like, no, the limp has been here the whole fucking time. You just didn't notice.

Exactly. So okay, so it's later that day, Mary's reading a book. Somebody comes in, she hides the book. I don't know, like reading is sinful. Well, it is. Oh, it's her accounting note. Oh, all right. Yeah, that makes more sense. And that's her sin. Yeah, right. Her accounting. Yeah. So, but it's Lucy. Lucy comes in and she sits down and she gives her this whole like, oh, yeah, I have all this money and I don't know what to do with it. Do you know what to do with my money? Kind of a thing, right? Yeah. More entrapment. And Mrs. Grove is like, yeah, don't use banks. The feds a fucking Ponzi scheme. And I was like, make a skin suit out of her. Make a skin suit right now. See, I was on the opposite

side of this. I was like, all right, we get it. Like, green is a deadly sin or whatever. But to Eli's point at the top of this, like, these are the people that we're choosing. We're not going to go after like a corporate billionaire. Instead, we're going to go after like a widow with trust issues trying to get by like renting rooms. Like, I don't care that she read too many conspiracy theories on Facebook. Like, she is crying for fucking best. Give her a break.

Well, I care. care but yes go after the corporate billionaire first. Yeah exactly maybe maybe we work our way down from Elon Musk to some little lady. Right right there you go. Trickle down demon economics. And I'm gonna say by the way we will later see the drawer's not even full right. We're talking one layer of bills here folks. It's like five grand or something maybe in there. Yeah. So yeah, so, but Lucy convinces her that she needs her help because her husband died and left her all these stocks

and boy, she just doesn't know what to do with all her stocks. Why don't we all go upstairs and look at all my stocks? Right? She has a trunk of physical stock certificates? Yeah. Bearer bonds. So they go upstairs together and at the end, at the last minute, Lucy's like, you know what? I don't even, I've just changed my mind. Maybe I should. I'll give you my soul. Yeah. Right. Seriously. What? Okay. We don't see the moment where Mary gives up her soul, but she is doing

a favor for Lucy and she's gonna get some form of kickback. What the fuck linguistic convolutions took place that she was like, would you give me anything to help me? Well, none. They don't say the word anything. this one doesn't count. No, this is bullshit No well So that's the thing though is like if this writer was even remotely clever every time she would be like using this person sin Against them in some way and she almost does here in that like she makes the lady greedy But then we never see how that plays out because the writer couldn't figure out

How does that play out to her agreeing to do anything for something, right? Yeah, exactly! The evil line at the end is like, okay, I guess we'll make an accommodation about the financial advisory that I'll do. That's it. Right. But I'm going to charge you a transfer fee. Yeah, okay, well, no, that would make sense.

No, actually, that's why she has that. There's a management fee for ETFs because they have to be rebalanced every so often A lot of this stuff is evil though I was on the demon side pretty much the whole time any So okay, so later that night we get Sam Telling Mary that he's gone to the police over the fact that all the people he lives with are Disappearing one at a time and she's like wow no one in a horror movies ever done that shit.

Come on! Fuck! Dude! Oh! I gotta get out of here! I gotta get out of here! Yeah well the movie really plays it though like you know he's really Christian so he notices when the people he lives with mysteriously disappear one by one you know he's he's looking for that but unfortunately the police told him that they couldn't do anything because the people hadn't been missing for 48 hours yet not a thing imagine if that was actually true yeah right yeah imagine if you were at the

police station at the 47th hour and they were like, nope Come back after lunch come back after quick PSA cuz I know it's in a bunch of movies that is not true No, it's not a thing at all Good as sooner the better everybody. In fact, in fact the thing that's kind of true is that within 48 hours? They have way less chance of solving your murder. So waiting is a really important thing not to do. Right, yeah, exactly. But so he tells Mary, yeah, I'm gonna figure out what's going on

if it's the last thing I do. And then he leaves and we watch her walk out of the room and she has the limp now. So, apparently Mary was killed off screen and we didn't see it. That's fine. I'm fine with that. I'm still very mad that we didn't get the anything from that one.

That's the rule. Thank you. Yes, it's her brand. Like how is Lucy going to sell merch in hell with anything with 12 question marks if she doesn't do it consistently? Oh, she's the star of a sitcom in hell. She like bursts in the door. That's her line. Did someone say anything?

Right, right. It's just about branding. She said it. So okay, so she runs upstairs and she changes into now into her Robert suit, I guess, right? And she goes to talk to Ellen and she's like, all right, so it's time to steal the money. I have a plan. I'm going to distract Mary by talking to her and then you go in and get all her money. And I'm like, well, your plan is you come up with a plan then, right? But yeah, so he goes to distract her. Ellen sneaks into Mary's room. She uses the razor blade fo' key thing. Right.

No keys, just blades. Yeah. So it's another tagline. I love that taking the razor out of the nothing makes the like shing noise. Yeah. Right, right. She's trying to be all sneaky. She's like, fuck.

It's like a lightsaber. Really loud metal noise. No matter what you do with this, this, right. She's trying to be all sneaky. She's like, fuck. It's like a lightsaber. Really loud metal noise. No matter what you do with this, this is crazy. Yeah. And then Mrs. Grove catches her. Right. But it's actually the demon. But up until this point, her only sin has been she's just been abused and belittled

by her husband until she was so desperate to end the abuse that she would do anything to please him. Right. Like she hasn't done anything. No, not at all. And she never, well, so then like Mrs. Grove catches her, Mary catches her. She's like, oh, you're stealing my money.

I'll call the police and you and your husband are going to jail. So she goes to call the police and Ellen comes up and she's like, hey, you know what's a great reason not to use a giant straight razor as your key to your money? And she slits her throat. Yeah. There's a very artistic moment where the whole screen turns red as she smirks. Yes.

I was very sad that we did not have a Sweeney Todd like whistle after that. Oh yeah. So yeah, so but Ellen was like, oh no, what have I done? So she goes to like, I don't know, wash her hands off on Mary's clothes in her closet? This was my favorite. But she's being choosy about it, right? She's like, no, no, not the perv- Oh, wedding dress. No, definitely not that.

Okay, here we go. This rag looks awful. Yeah. She's like, oh my God, this is cute. Oh my God, I would totally wear this. Mrs. Grove's wardrobe is just so fetch. I'm just trying to do a Lady Macbeth monologue. Oh, there's a blood rag. There's a blood rag. Okay, I'll use the blood rag. I a blood rag. There's a blood rag. Okay.

I'll use it. I already got it. Everyone has a blood rag in their closet. Why does she hang this though? So yeah, but so as she's doing that, fake Mary rises up slit throat and all and she goes, ha ha ha, I got you tricked you into murdering me. Now you're going to hell. And she's like, well, yeah, it's a murder.

I is like I would anyway. Right. So now it's just time. Right. If anything, you made me not murder someone. So, yeah, I feel like I should get off. Yeah, honestly, because you're alive now. OK, but did anyone else notice that while the demon is doing this like monologue about there are things you shouldn't do even for love, like bullshit? The monologue like the demon is off screen and it's just Mrs. Delaney.

And like the demon like reaches out her hand. I swear to God that they slowed down the footage here. Yes. Because the monologue took too long and they didn't have enough footage for it. And so it's just like a slightly slow motion reaction from this woman as she's being like Like monologued at by a demon. It was fucking hilarious. Sorry. Are you moving in slow-mo, right? Are you listening to me? The voiceover was long I feel like you're not listening anymore

Or these two actors right had to stand there while they played the voiceover and they were like this is hey Chris This is a little long and it's like no no, it's fine while they played the voiceover and they were like, this is, Hey Chris, this is a little long. And he's like, no, no, it's fine. All right. So then Sam comes knocking on Catherine's door in the middle of the night. I know listeners, you don't remember

who the fuck these people are. Sam is the good Christian guy. Catherine is the illiterate niece, the abused illiterate niece. So he knocks on her door in the middle of the night and he's like, look, I know this is going to sound fucking weird, but old lady Lucy is a demon and everybody's been murdered except for us. And to her credit, Catherine takes that pretty well. She's like, okay, well, I guess we got to get the fuck

out of here, right? Stop, drop and roll. No, Catherine. She's a little slow. She's like, but what about the new old lady who just came in? He's like, we're leaving right now. Fuck. Did you not hear what I just said? You're the worst. She's obviously the fucking monster. She showed up right before every god damn it. So, yes, they go to leave, but the front door is locked from the outside, apparently. So he's like, all right, well, I'll break the window. But the window is magical and he can't break it. So there was a meeting in Foley, right, where they decided on the sound effect for

the can't break the window thing And they were like hey Alan. I noticed that you have a boy. Yo yo yo yo Down here in your notes. Are you worried that that might make the movie a little silly? I paid a good deal of money for the whole thing. I want to Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Catherine, I have to explain the rules of the movie to you real quick. We're in a horror movie and a demon is trying to take our soul for the devil. Right. And Catherine's like, do you mean Mrs. Albright's a demon? Oh, shit. She's right behind me, isn't she? Fuck. I knew she was going to do that. So they have the like, you know, the big monologue of like, you know,

why are you here? What are you trying to do here? That we have that moment. Right. And she reveals that this movie is her, the Demon's, quarterly performance review? Yes. Yeah, basically. It is Demon's, Terority Rush Week. Oh my god.

Yes. Hey, my name is Lilith. I'm attending hell. These boots are from hell. This chest is from hell. I'm also from hell Still better than Alabama Yeah, but she's like, oh, you know you're gonna be a tough

I could tell by the strong set of your jaw that you were gonna be the protagonist in this film But fear not. I've got some plans. I just have to go upstairs first. So she goes upstairs We we dwell on the limp a little bit longer. We learned. Oh, we've on the limb in the best way. Yes The Lord she's she's like, oh an old war wound and he's like what war and she's like, you know the war on Christmas So yes, so Catherine freaks out she's trying to open the other windows which you know good on her You got to be thorough. Okay, but Paul Newman whatever his name is Mr. Grey Sam. He's like hey fucking Catherine

I don't think the demon forgot one of the windows with the window magic idiot. Well, so and here's the thing, of course, back in the day, and again, this movie, I think it takes place in 1932 or something because it was before FDIC insurance, based on what Mary said. Back in this day, it was impossible for an older guy to explain something to a younger woman

without physically shaking her constantly. Yeah, no, that's fair. Right, he grabs her by both shoulders and he's like, I'm trying to make a point and I'm old-timey and she's like, oh, okay I have to be there's this great moment. I love how stupid Katherine is. I want her in every movie He's like she wants our souls and Katherine's like no and he's like, yeah. Yeah. No, the answer is obviously no Katherine You notice people sigh a lot after you talk Sit right there for a second Leslie N Nielsen is going to slap you a few times. Right, right. But just then, suddenly, asthmatic, crumplewad minion shows up.

Who's ass has a carrot? Yeah, right. They react like there's a fucking mouse loose in the house, right? He grabs it, he rips it in half, but it's- Which we can rip up the papers? Yes, apparently. That's all it takes. He rips, well, it's not quite all it takes, right? Cause he rips it up and it's still alive.

So he has to rip it up more and more until it's confetti. It's got, you got to have to rip it to little pieces, man. I don't know, I'm just, that is tour me. So, and of course he rips it up so bad that Lucy's mirror magic mirror breaks upstairs, right? So then she does another summoning poem with no sense of meter at all It's fucking awful this felt improvised and like I'm gonna land on a rhyme eventually I have what else rhymes with Lee Got it nailed it command Lee

Yes So but apparently but this is the spell that's gonna bring all the paper dolls to life that are inhabited by all their other souls And she's gonna send the paper dolls down To beat up the good guys. Oh, I'm sorry Are you saying we're about to get to watch two full grown adults pretend to lose a fight to paper dolls? We are about to watch exactly that. Holy fucking shit. And if you're thinking like, what could you possibly do to make that

exciting or believable? Nothing. It would be impossible. And even if it was possible possible these filmmakers did not fucking try Yeah, the actors from Chucky watched this movie and are like, okay. Well that looks silly Okay, if they had actually done like paper cuts and Paul Newman was like, ah Fuck my nail But also they had just successfully defeated another paper demon by ripping it up. Right.

They don't even try with these paper dolls. Do they try burning them with the candles that they just lit? No. No. What do they do? They step on them. They punch them. On a carpeted floor.

Yes. It's a piece of paper, you fucking idiot. There's one point where like he starts to stumble He starts walking and he turns around and we can see that one of the paper dolls is just hanging off of his back And we're like, what is it doing though? Is it's a little heavy. It's a little heavy back there. Is it nibbling through his shirt? I don't understand. I don't like it. One of them had a fishing hook? Oh did it? Yeah, one of them did have a fish hook at one point.

Yeah, I remember that. But yeah, but ultimately the paper dolls pin Sam down to the ground. Right? Fucking Gulliver's Travel Style. Against all odds! Exactly. With thread. Lilith Puchin.

Nice! There it is. He sweeps a pile of papers with board game sex puns off his desk. I did just close a window. I did just close a window. I can rest. But yeah, but Lucy comes down, now that he's pinned, and Sam starts saying the Lord's Prayer at her, but that doesn't do anything because she's a pretty high level demon, apparently.

Well, it was at this moment that I realized that this demon had a brand deal with, like, the scrapbooking department of Michael's or something. Like, yes! I am convinced that in 2001, you can find somewhere that there was a paper doll kids craft workshop tie-in with this film. Right, yeah, there you can- It is the only explanation. Collect all the souls in your family, yeah.

Wait, it must have been that like Lucy showed up after all the good demon themes were taking and she was like sewing. Really weird happy meal. Really leaned into the not being hobby lobby thing for a while in 2001. They went full demonic. All right, but Sam is telling Lucy like, you'll never get me. I'm a good man of the Lord. I've been like a fall for any demon tricks.

And just then she opens up the door and reveals that they captured Catherine and she's all tied up in a way that doesn't seem like it would work logistically. I love that Sam tried to recite the Bible and Lucy was like, oh, you're studying the Bible. Never heard of that one before. False. That's nothing. So yeah, but so apparently the paper dolls are torturing Catherine in a way that we can't really tell.

Okay. Why should their upper dress somewhere? Thank you. Let's be honest. Do we think the paper dolls are stabbing Catherine in the vajooch? Is that what we, is that what this movie wants us to believe? I got, in my head it was lower leg torture, which is pretty low level there. But then I was like, okay, it's paper cuts that again, that would get me.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. Even on the lower leg. I wrote three words, paper cut pussy. Okay. Everybody's journey. All right, so we're divided we're divided democracy in action folks, right? Right? I guess it's up to the listener to decide Hey right in the jute or no, but you're using the hashtag hashtag the jute or no, but you

Were twitch streamers now to cap Is this a raid are we doing a raid? I'm convinced Eli doesn't know what a raid is. I don't know what fucking anything is. I also don't know what a raid is. I am so there for you. You are a near and dear person in my life and heart and I want nothing But the best for you, but gun to my head. I'm like everyone watch my friend please Sometimes Amazon Prime gives you money. I don't know

Hey if you have Amazon Prime use it to order one Kip. I don't know I'm like Catherine. I'm being tortured in the vajooch I'm like Catherine. I'm being tortured in the vajooch Two guys with top hats deliver kip. It's really fun. That's true. That's true. Oh my god. I wish I've been present when two guys So yeah, so okay, I got to steer back into the movie. You were podcasting Noolution. That's kind of my hardest part of my job. So yeah, so she's getting lower leg tortured by the paper dolls and Sam's like, don't, whatever you do, don't say I'll give you anything if you make it stop.

And Catherine's like, I'll give you anything. God damn it. Damn it. Well, there you go. Slapping on a t-shirt. The back of the t-shirt. The back of the t-shirt's just Catherine giving double guns to the camera. But Sam is like, hey, I'll tell you what, I'm the main character. Well, the protagonist.

I guess you're the main character, but I'm the protagonist. I will trade my soul for Catherine's. And then Lucy, like, they negotiate this for a while. Right. Doesn't seem like there's any place of negotiation for Sam or, or what's her name, Catherine at all. Really? But Lucy's like, no, it's a stupid trade. You're fucking old.

Do you want to name a much longer contract out loud right now that you've thought ahead of? the party of the first part? We might as well watch them go through mediation right there both just the illegal bills are adding up they're like, oh fuck Yeah, right, right. Yeah Right, but so yeah So but ultimately she agrees that like she'll give Catherine her soul back and she won't try to tempt her again, but she can't have like unlimited sins or anything. She has to like, she ultimately can still go to hell.

And he's like, yeah, that sounds like a great deal. And we're all like, dude, you're making a deal with a fucking demon. You don't think that maybe she's like slipped in a trick in there on somewhere. But but no, he doesn't. I mean, in his defense, the tricks have been very transparent up until this point. That's true. Yeah. Right. And the whole time he's been like, look, skin mask, everybody. This is a demon. It doesn't fit. For sure.

Even. Yeah. So, but it turns out, so Catherine goes to leave. She's like, you're free to leave Catherine. And Catherine goes to leave. But it turns out Catherine has been on Satan's side the whole time, ever since she learned devil magic from the devil book. Oh my God. This is supposed to be like a twist, but we saw the twist already in the movie. We literally watched it. Yeah. Yeah.

But Lucy's like, so, Hey, Catherine, do you accept Satan of your own free will? And she's like, do accept Satan of my own free will. And she turns to Sam and she says, see, gotcha. That's still technically inside the bounds of our contract. And she still goes to hell. And now you go to hell too. Honestly, I support Catherine, like, again, she was in a house full of people who were totally fine with the way that Mrs.

Grove treated her, the one person to offer her any out or any kind of help was this demon like come on I worked for cutco for one summer. I made worse deal Team demon all the way team demon all the way so can make this paper into a corkscrew So they go upstairs again, and then suddenly the asthmatic wad shows up and you're like, oh hey, wait It wasn't the asthmatic wad torn into confetti, but it turns out that she's made Sam into her new asthmatic wad Asthmatic wad is my favorite Pokemon I hate kip. Hey kip. I've never felt closer to anyone than you and me both doing the same Pokemon

and choosing that he says WAD at the same time. That's it. When I die, when my heart attack comes, Kip's in everybody. Just so you know, we found a replacement. When he evolves, it's just an inhaler. That's it. That's where the vape is from. This is all coming again.

Oh my god. Y'all, this movie's amazing. We love it from. This is all coming again. Oh my god. Y'all, this movie's amazing. We love it. I don't think it is. All right. So, The Devil Wins. Happy ending at the very least.

Kemp, thanks so much for the recommendation and for hanging out with us today. Thanks for having me. Would anyone judge me if I went and watched it again right now? Oh, I would. I would. Absolutely. Let's rent a theater together and watch it, Kip. Let's do it.

And of course, if our listeners wanted to hear more from you, where should they go? Twitch.tv slash Kip did, that's K-I-P-T-I-D. All right, and of course you'll find that linked on the show notes for this episode as well. Give them your Amazon Prime, whatever that is. I do it, do it. All right, well that's gonna do it for our review of Stitches,

but that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to step on the same fucking rake next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. An American scientist contacts Mars by radio and receives information that Mars is a utopia and that Earth's people can be saved if they return to the worship of God. Revolution sweeps through Earth, including the Soviet Union, but there remains doubt about the messages being genuine. As an ex-Nazi claims he was duping the Americans.

We'll be watching Red Planet Mars. How the fuck did I not know that that existed? Holy shit. All right, well, with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 454 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Kipted for hanging out with us today. Be sure to check the show notes for a link to their other stuff. And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go.

If you got yourself among their ranks you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash got off on there by earning early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scathing Atheist, Citation A, DNDD minus and the skeptic guide available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions,

you can get my got off movies, gmail.com Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatney, who will address on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used for preparation. Thanks again for giving us a drink of your life this week for Heathen, right? Neelan Bostock, I'm no illusionist, promising to work hard to earn another check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club Close. Mrs Grove went on to be just fine because Lucy forgot to follow up on the email about

the financial advisory thing, so nothing happened. The rolling ball of poop paper went on to be in a loving and fulfilling polyamorous relationship with its other ripped up pieces. Oh nice! Lucy went back to hell where they continued to pick on her for being the paper doll themed demon. Mr. Grey went on to be tortured in eternity forever for not triple stamping a double stamp, no backsies. After sex, I'll be like, yeah, Ayn Rand is great. Absolutely.

That's a really good book. It tells you, you know, it's important for like public policy. You have to read that. That's a I must say anything before sex guy myself. What? All right, stop it myself. What? Alright.

Stop it there. What I love is that you said five louder as though if you said five loud enough it could make up for the fact that you didn't say- Well obviously it's like when you sing loud during the chorus because you don't know the words for the verses. Exactly, yeah. Then you come in and- Five! I knew that one! Five! I said five. Hahaha! Alright. Fake Sam. Yeah.

It's the end of the world. Keep recording, keep recording. You know I cheated. I did cheat. We're down at page 25 where I cheated to get here earlier. Cheater. You're not allowed to start scrolling until Noah's done. I know you're not.

You have to wait until Noah's done. We raced down to the bottom of where the start of the ads are. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did get here earlier. Cheater. You're not allowed to start scrolling until Noah's done. I know, you're not, you have to wait until Noah's done. We raced down to the bottom of where the start of the ads are.

How dare you? Episode 454. The wall would be covered in scratch marks, you know? I've gone into the settings of my mouse scroll to speed it up. Amazing. All right. Interstitial one. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC

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