God Awful Movies - 457: Come Out in Jesus Name

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Come Out in Jesus Name, Greg Locke's documentary about all the demons that make us do this show every week. === Check out the Maytreon goals here: https://elibosnick.wixsite.com/my-site If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

But as we're looking at the fetus, we hear this kid claiming victory over Satan in a voiceover. Now look, in the mythology of Christians, that's got to be weird for Satan, right? Like you're the fallen angel Lucifer and you're being called out in Christ's name, so I guess you hear it. So you rise from hell invisibly and there's a nine-year-old reading a speech his grandma taught him. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with this. This feels weird. The dynamic is...

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Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Good friend Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back. Thanks Noah. The great Galgaroth, that's Greg Locke, that's what we call him. Yeah right, yeah. That's our nickname for G-Dog. And he speaks for 90 fucking minutes and we watch. Boy doesn't he. To be fair, he's crying for at least half of those. Those are my favorite moments.

Yeah, no, those are the highlights. I watch those a lot. Over and over. And that other voice you heard, that's coming from 900 miles to my northeast and belongs to my bad friend Eli Bostic. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm amazing, Noah. He showed this to theaters of people on purpose. Yep, he sure did, knowing we were gonna see it. So tell us Heath, what are we fucking talking about?

Yeah, we watched Come Out in Jesus Name by Greg Locke. It's the story of a guy who has four coffees with 28 creams and 20 sugars every day. And they let him make a movie and we watched it. Sure did. To be clear, by the way, there's no apostrophe anywhere in that title. It drives me goddamn crazy. And Eli, how bad was this movie? And to be clear, by the way, there's no apostrophe anywhere in that title. It drives me goddamn crazy. And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you hate Greg Locke for his homophobia, satanic panic and COVID denialism, but you just want one more thin mint wafer of reason to hate him, you will love this movie. It is quite literally the cherry on top of Greg Locke being the worst human who hasn't directly murdered. I'm sure there are people who are like serial killers, right? Who are probably worse ontologically than Greg Locke. But in terms of people who aren't actively killing the innocent, I think Greg is taking the cake.

He sure was making a fucking play for it, right? Like if he doesn't have the title, he was trying to earn it with this fucking movie. And I'm not sure he's not actively killing the innocent ever. We would find it happening. That's also the thing too, right? He's definitely in the same category as generals who give orders to kill people.

Right, yeah. They're just doing their job though. He's just, like, he's not, he doesn't have a boss. That's, yeah, They're just doing their job though. He's just like he's not he doesn't have a boss. That's yeah, right. God's his boss. So this movie took me longer to get through than any other 90-minute movie we have ever done and it's not because it was so bad that I couldn't get through it. It's because after every sentence that Greg Locke said I was like well I got a ready to know about how fucking crazy that was. Yeah to quote Noah's message to me on Facebook as we were watching this film, we could do

every 10 minutes of this movie as the next nine episodes of our show. Truly. I was just like, oh, well, I'm going to have to cut some of this shit. The notes were like 106 pages long by the time I got done with this thing. Yeah. Sometimes we do work on the front end. Sometimes we do work on the back end, sometimes we do work on the back end. This one's a back end tweak. All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for

being the best at, being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst. Greg Locke talking way too fast and like losing his breath the whole time. Again, he has all that coffee, cream, and sugar in him at all times and he keeps talking. Nobody's following him. It's crazy. And honestly, it's like it's like the time dimension got bored of hearing him and put him on fast forward at certain moments. It's just lines. Well, it doesn't help that like every sentence of his ends with a comma. Right. There are no periods in Greg Locke's monologues.

Also, can we just like between us all here and whoever's listening to this podcast, it's Coke. You know how sometimes you're talking to an old person and they're like, Donald Trump doesn't do Coke and you're like, Donald Trump doesn't not do Coke. He fell asleep at his own trial. It's Coke, right? I know that the documentary hasn't come out yet. And if you're listening to this in the backlogs, you're really impressed right now

because, you know, Greg Locke has already been on 60 Minutes being like, I was doing an eight ball a day. But like, just so you know, when someone acts like that, it is the drug cocaine. No, I was going to go with best worst work drama. Hell, yeah. OK. Like 60 percent of this movie is Greg Locke and his friends ranting about demons. But the other 40 percent is just him telling us his work drama. Mm hmm. Yeah, it's the lived experience of Heathen, right?

And no illusions. Just me being like, and then so and so actually had this person on their podcast and like, ah, you're Greg Locke, you're Greg Locke. The great lock of our you dropping names about magic? That's not how that works, man. They just fall. They just fall to the ground and are left there. Yeah. Check your pocket for a name.

Okay. And of course, I'm going to take the easy one. I'm going to go with best worst title. So obviously Greg was going for a comma and apostrophe free version of how you make demons leave the Christians that God somehow allows them into. But he ended up calling his movie almost literally, just admit you're gay, Greg. Come out in Jesus. It's basically, come on, you're gay.

So, but look, look, honestly, a big part of Greg Locke's career is that he sets himself up as the punchline for jokes for people like us, right? And then he banks on the popularity he gets when people go watch his fucking videos because they heard about him on our show, you know, or shows like ours. And I think that's a lot of the reason, right?

Like he made that, he gave it that title so that we would make that joke about it, at least to some degree. And again, as he will say in this movie, he's like, and that's when I get them. No, Greg, that's why everyone in America hates you. Yep, yeah. All right, well, tell you what,

we've kept you waiting for this one for too long already, so we're gonna keep the break brief, and when we come back, we'll dive into all the unrelated confessions that are Come out in Jesus name This show is sponsored by better help Hey podcast listener. I'm Heath Enright. I'm no illusions And I'm Eli Bosnic here to talk to you about the importance of getting things off your chest. Exactly That's why I'm pleased to announce that I did not enjoy

Elden Ring. The video game? Yep. Everyone's like, game of the year, game of the year, unplayable. It literally, it starts with the like hard boss fight that kills you thing. That's so unpleasant. Right? Sure.

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All right, fellas, thanks for coming. Sure, Greg, what did you want to see us about? All right, so what's our biggest problem here right now as Christians? Uh, child rape? Uh, homophobia. Corruption? Misogyny. No, no, just stop answering my questions.

Well, don't ask questions. No, no, the problem with Christianity is that it is a one-purchase situation. Sorry, it's a one-purchase situation? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People get saved and then boom, they're saved. Can't save them again. And you don't really have to come to church if you're already saved, now do you? I mean, I guess so.

I hadn't really thought of it that way. So what if, what if, demons? Oh, you're done? Sorry, demons? What? Yeah, yeah. We just tell people that they're full of demons. Oh Like non Christians and they they should come no Christians, but but they're Christian

Isn't the whole point of being Christian that you're safe from demons? So that's my point so you can you still temporarily house a demon if you're Christian Temporarily, yeah, you know, demon of pornography, demon of addiction. Right, so we're going to take behaviors everyone does and tell people who already go to church that they're demons so they keep coming back? And tithe more. You're going to tithe more if you get rid of demons there Sunday. I mean, I guess that's true.

Hey guys, are we the worst form a religion can possibly take? We sure are. Like even in a hypothetical sense. Yeah. I think. Yeah. Alright, so let's do that demon thing. Hey podcast listener. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Eli Bosnik.

I'm Heath Enright. And I'm No Illusions reminding you that it's Matriion, that time of year where we ask you super duper hard to reach into your heart and your wallet and support us on Patreon. Your support on Patreon doesn't just make our show possible. It also allows us to do live shows in a city near you and bring on regular guests like Marsh, Kara, and Cecil. Plus, all our patrons get access to the patron only Pajama Party live stream with songs from Anna, magic from Eli, AMAs and much more.

But most importantly, if we get 700 new and upgrading patrons, Heath and Noah have agreed to do one of my amazing show ideas. One episode of one show. Yeah. And that 700th person could be you podcast listener. Yes, you. I know you've been meaning to give. You've meant to take the time and toss us a buck. Well now that dollar gets a live stream and cameo no you didn't.

One episode of Cameo No You Didn't. That's right. So head over to patreon.com, pledge support to any of our shows, and you can watch us watch Joe Arpaio's Cameo. You know, honestly, 699 new and upgrading patrons would be would be really, really lovely. We'd be very grateful. Cameo, no, you didn't. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open with a super fancy Locke Media logo that I guarantee you Greg Locke came over.

Right? Yeah, I love it because he very obviously spent a bunch of money on this fancy logo, but he's an idiot. media logo that I guarantee you Greg Locke came over. Right. Yeah. I love it because he very obviously spent a bunch of money on this fancy logo, but he's an idiot. So if you're watching it in full screen, it gets cut off at the sides. Right. Right. But the opening line of the movie is Greg Locke complaining about how sissified sermons

have gotten these days. Yeah, they're too relevant. Right, he's actually saying like, pastors aren't addressing, you know, real everyday issues like literal witch hunting, which is what he does. And he's could become a pastor of and tell us all about his anti-demon shit. That's the point of the movie. So stupid. I'm the only one out there with a baseball bat wrapped in Bibles destroying a Barbie hat. Right, yeah. Talking about the real issues. He's talking about how we're all in chains. And of course the word chains in Greg Locke's language is a two syllable word, which is fun.

But yeah, and then we get our title, Come Out in Jesus Name. And I expected the subtitle to be, but not in a gay way though. And this is where Greg's gonna give us the Ray Comfort meant to do it treatment, right? He's telling us about his viral video on Facebook, which for those of you unfamiliar is the time he was so stupidly homophobic on Facebook that an entire nation began to donate to Planned Parenthood in his name. Yes, yeah, yeah. The video where he's standing outside of the Target, screaming about whatever the fuck dumb shit he was screaming about.

But yeah, he even says he's like, I discovered that anything controversial I did would get me views, which is just another way of saying, I decided to be an asshole for money. Right. I'm like Tom Green, but more of a bigot and less of a bad comedian. Yes! Exactly! Fucking Steve-O's watching this movie being like, man you're giving us a bad

name. Yeah, right, right. He's like, no, you know, I became a phenomena on social media. I had between all the different platforms, I had like 8 million followers and I'm like, oh wow, you know you're killing it when you start adding together all your various social media platforms for your number. Like those are all different fucking people. All different. Hold on. I run a mass email with like 58 people. Let me add that in. Fuck out of here. I was walking down the street the other day and this lady sort of felt like she was drafted behind me. I count her too. I count her too. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. And now he's going to rewrite what happened during COVID.

Yeah, right. He's like, well, you know, and my social media was going great there. So I decided, hey, you know, COVID ain't going to stop. It's worth killing people over my social media presence. And so he starts talking about how he kept his church open. And now the CDC agrees with him that it was actually probably great to keep his church open.

Good for you, man. Good for fucking you. Right. Because I was wondering like how is great when the minute he started talking about COVID, I was like, Greg, that did not go well for you in any sense of the word. You told CNN you're a 40 year old man. Right. So like this is this is not going to go well. But what he lands on is the CDC agrees with me now mumble mumble no details But I haven't gotten my apology. They won't apologize. Yes Like Fauci was gonna call him up and be like hey Greg. It's anthony. How you doing? I feel like I was a little harsh with you Okay, you know how we're doing the the time machine for orwell to side tackle people when they get sure the quotes from 1984

In stupid context we need just a teleporter for Fauci to punch people in the face real quick and then sweep them back out. Just wearing him down. I would watch that for so long. Fauci just, PAH! Right in the face and then he disappears. Well, there's also this great moment where he's like, and the real reason I kept my church open, by the way, was because there was supposed to be a tornadoes and I was trying to help all the people from the tornadoes. But then he admits, he's like, and nobody else was helping because all the other churches were closed. And then it's like, well, then it's not because, right?

This is not a because situation. It cannot be. Yeah. Also, like this story for it. So again, for those of you who don't listen to our sister show, Scathing Atheist, the way he tells this story, right? I was wrestling a bear and I rode it into town and I saw an orphan being eaten by a tornado.

Right? So what happened is, Greg refused to close his church. The state was like, hey man, we'll actually send you to jail. And he was like, tent revival. And they were like, okay, that technically counts. But then his big stupid tent was open and they were like, yeah, I guess we'll keep stuff for tornado victims in there. And he was like, can I preach on top of it?

It's my tent. And they were like, yeah. Yep. I hope you fall. Like even in the shots where he's very clearly trying to take the credit for doing this work, you can see him just sort of milling about with his hands in his pockets while FEMA does work in the background. They're fucking loading grain into trucks and he's like, anybody wants to hear about demons, just give old Greg a holler.

So, and he's talking, the whole thing is like, and my church just got bigger and bigger and bigger. And at the end, we're going to back away from the church and see how big it's gotten, except it's not a church, it's a shitty fucking tent, right? Because he wasn't allowed to put a church there or whatever. And it's got this cheap ass girder cross out in front of it and a line of porta-potties and, and then the parking lot is just gravel. There's no lines on it. This is supposed to be the look how big we've gotten moment. And it's so sad and hilarious.

Yeah. It's the Woodstock 92 of tent revival. Speaking of which, this is where we reach back for his origin story. We learned that he was saved in 1992. He was in state custody because he was bad to the bone. Yeah, exactly. And we love it when people tell us about the decisions they made as a child. Here are the people on this show today who have made decisions as a child that followed the rest of their life.

Me deciding I wanted to play pretend for a living and Greg Locke giving his life to Jesus. So you know what I'm saying is kids shouldn't be making life decisions. Probably a good idea yeah. But yeah so they we explained that his granny always wanted him to be a preacher and then we flashed to it we we see him in seminary we see this photograph now he's trying to sell us this fucking punk upbringing you know I was bad at the bone, I was a juvenile delinquent, I want to hold on to my drugs and my party. And we see this picture of the jorkiest possible college kid.

Okay, yeah, he's like, my college experience was amazing, squint and a nail. And we're looking at an inbox outbox on the desk in his dorm. He had an inbox outbox and somebody was like, here you go, outbox. Also not college seminary. He even corrects himself. He's like, I went to college. I mean seminary, but it's a building. It counts. He goes, I went there for one reason and one reason only to learn to preach. And I'm like, it's seminary, dude. That's like saying I went to welding school for one reason and one reason only to weld well of course that's the thing that they teach there man. But he was but no can you met can you like major in electrical engineering seminary right

yeah. We've actually got a really good AC repair program here at the seminary keeping it cool for the big JC but yeah but he was so good he was so gifted at pretend that he graduated in three years instead of four well he says he says and i quote i crammed as many years as i could into three and i'm like yeah it turned out to be three as it but yeah he says he says know, my college experience, I was in and out as quick as I could get there. And I'm like, please tell me that's his way of saying

that he didn't graduate. But no, no, he went through a four year program in three years. Graduated seminary, okay. Look, I'll go through all of seminary right now. I did it, I did it. No, he makes a big deal. He's like, I became a professional evangelist.

And I was like, really? Like there's amateurs that you don't think have the intellectual basis Three whole years of seminary evangelical specialist looking at the beans under your house Oh, no, so you didn't have a licensed guy do this None of these beams really believe in Jesus Sorry, I'm bringing my own personal life experiences Aren't you?

I should let that go Yeah, so no, but so I'm very poor. Please give us money for Patreon Please I know it's supposed to be a joke. I'm dying. I'm dying Eli's house is being hung off of a tree right now It's off one single nail. Yep. Yep. A man almost died So yeah, so but he's he starts talking about being a professional evangelist and touring around the world doing evangelism and he started to wonder why it

is that demons only attack Christians in places with exceedingly little education and mental health support infrastructure. I know, right? You know what it is? Demons hate cameras and evidence. Don't they, though? They see. Yeah. This is an actual line as he's going through this. He says, you know, I would see demons manifest and I would think this is a little bit odd. That's his actual line. Yeah. He saw people speaking in tongues and he was like,

maybe they're just speaking African. And I was like, whoa, crazy, baby. Oh, it gets so much worse, though. He starts talking about this one woman that he's like, you know, one woman was screaming and freaking out and an obvious torment. And I thought, well, she's probably just smoking drugs. Yeah. Africa, am I right? Yeah, Africa of Africa and they're smoking of drugs.

You know what a big drug problem they have in Africa with the drugs? Oh, my god. The music, by the way, through all of this is, it's scrolling through a country fair looking at ever fatter pigs. It could not be more incongruous than demons are attacking you. Than demons manifesting in the continent of Africa? Yeah, exactly. But yeah, he says, you know, he was interested, He says, and I quote, But I knew that voodoo and witchcraft and magic was real,

but he didn't want to pursue that. Right. Because he didn't want to be a again, his word, Charismaniac. Yeah. I wrote my notes. Oh, Greg, nobody would ever accuse you of being something that has charisma as the root of the word. Don't worry. Yeah. He tells us that, you know, when he was in Africa, he saw things that he couldn't explain. And I'm like, Greg, almost everything is something you can't explain. I feel like an inclined plane and a wedge would handle that, my man.

So then we should point out to these little Bible quotes that move us from one scene to the other to make this a really convenient movie to, like, take gam notes for. Yes, exactly. I appreciate that, Greg. Thank you. Yeah, and mostly I'll ignore him, but except for I'm just going to point out that Greg Luck had no trouble at all finding the dozen plus demon related Bible quotes he needed for this movie. Right? Like the one good thing about these Bible quotes is that they really do demonstrate what a demon haunted book that thing really is. Mm hmm. Yeah. I mean, look, here's the thing. This is a crazy ass documentary. It's not

a biblical. Nope. Nope. For all its flaws. Yeah. No, the first quote here is it's 1 Corinthians 2, 14. I guess this is the second one. And the quote is, but the natural man receiveth not the things of the spirit of God, for they are foolishness unto him. Neither can he know them because they are spiritually discerned." Which translates to, it's not that our shit is wrong, it's that you're not spiritual enough to understand it. Why would you use that quote? You got to know it.

The Bible's crazy if you think about the words, but just don't please. Don't think about it so much. If you didn't think about the words, yeah. First Corinthians. Okay. So, he tells us this story, he's like, you know, and that's when it happened. And I'm like, oh the words. Yeah. First Corinthians. Okay. So he tells us this story. He's like, you know, and that's when it happened.

And I'm like, oh, thank God something's going to happen. He's like, I was baptizing an old lady and she's got her grand kid with her and she's dunking the grand kid too. They're getting like a two for one baptism deal or whatever. And the little girl didn't want to go in the water. And that's when he realized there was a demon in her. Literally a demon. A little kid did not enjoy being dunked into a horse trough over and over. Yep.

Probably a demon. Probably a demon. That's what Greg Locke thinks. Definitely a demon. Yeah. I wrote in my notes, man, I can only imagine how many demons Greg thinks my son has in him when I try to brush his teeth. Yeah.

No, the little girl didn't want to get dunked. He saw that as a person being absolutely possessed by a demon, went and told that child's gullible grandmother, hey, that kid's possessed by a demon. And then he started looking up like, how do you get demons out of eight year old girls? F***ing sit in there on his phone. How to get demon out of little kid. Oh, branding opportunity. All right.

Branding opportunity. Yeah, right, right. So another Bible quote ushers us into the him learning to cast out demons portion of the story. This is where he tells us about the book he read. Oh my God. Well, did he read it? He bought the secrets to deliverance by whoever the fuck.

And he's like, I read the cover in the back. It changed my life. The cover in the back. This book is so thin. It's tiny. The book is the cover in the back, to be fair. Right. No, it's like I looked it up on Audible.

On Audible, it is four hours and 12 minutes long. Hell yeah. The name of the book. Almost an episode of hardcore history. This instruction on expelling demons from your fellow brethren. A lot of that four hours is auto ads though for sure. Yeah, exactly. Last year old dads. No, but we have, and I have to point out the subtitle here. It's the secrets to deliverance defeat the toughest cases of demonic bondage. But don't answer yet. So yeah. So but he read that and he was

like wow this is pretty impressive. He starts saying like wow the guy who wrote this is a regular I don't even know who the fuck he's talking about right? It's Rabbi Santa from later in the movie. Well yeah no it is. I know he's talking about but like he's like he's like a regular and then he says names the people that like I'm like Oh, yeah, that's true. I wrote in my notes at this point I was like this must be how man Anna feels when I talk about magic gossip. Yeah, right I'm like, no, I'm telling you this guy is the next diver and she's like who and I'm like, it's doesn't yeah. Sorry, right? Yeah, exactly. You bet. Well, man. Yeah, that's where he's like

Well, this is where I learned about Derek Prince, and we're all like fucking who? And they show this clip of this just the most boring possible guy talking in a British accent. And we cut back from Greg Luck, and he's like, I like to listen to him. He sounds smart. And I'm like, dude, that was, that's just a British accent. They'll give that to anybody. And he's, it's not just that he's excited.

He's weeping about how amazing that guy was. Right? We hear a guy being like, I tell you that demons are aware of everything that was, and it cuts back and he is soaked with tears. And he's like that moment where that man with that fancy King voice said, don't say words. Oh boy. Do you think that's the only time Greg lets himself emote? I bet it's the only time he lets himself emote. Probably, yeah. So yeah, but this is where he explains that he was real nervous, but he decided to go out there and preach about demons anyway.

And everybody loved his demon preaching. So he preached 45 demon sermons in a row. What do you guys think broke the streak? Was it Christmas? I bet it was Christmas. Yeah, probably. I bet he went out and he was like, I know y'all are here for some demon stuff,

but come on, it's Christmas. We should do a Christmas one. Maybe the CDC broke the- Oh yeah, sure yeah. But this is also, and we're gonna see this a lot, but this is the first time we see like the big long line of cars waiting to get into his church, which he's presenting as like,

look at how popular we are. But it's because there's like, there's terrible parking there. They don't have lines in their parking. It's an empty field, yeah, of course. There's not sufficient place to park all the cars. That's the problem. That's the whole fucking problem.

The worse your parking is, the more popular your church is. That's what I've always. The worse your parking is the more popular your churches That's what I've always said really. Yeah, so okay So then we get out we get a montage of all the people showing up for tent church And it's so funny everyone in this montage has the white supremacist undercut for boys I was crying with laughter Literally, there were two haircuts for men in this entire montage white supremacist undercut for boys and trucker hat over baldness. That was it. They had two choices.

And that's all you can see because they're wearing camo otherwise and they're invisible. Except for their stupid fucking faces. Yeah, invisible. It's hard to see. Yeah. Some of them have face camo too, actually. And I love so much this. So we're getting these like man on the street things of people going like, wow, this church is sure blowing up.

It's a great church. We are three men on the streets in before we get Greg Locke's wife. He slips her in there going, what a great church, as though we're not going to fucking notice. She comes back in a mustache and glasses. I'm a new person and I like this shirt. I've heard this guy gives his wife amazing orgasm. Tell him goodbye.

So yeah, and then this is, of course, interspersed with him preaching. This is the first time he brings up, and he never explains this at any point in the movie. This is the first time in a sermon he brings up the demon of religion, right? He says that the number one thing that needs to be cast out of the church is the demon of religion. Right, and I think what he means by the demon of religion, and I do not want to claim this ontologically, I think he means the demon of other religions. Yeah, that must be it. Yeah, because sometimes it means tarot cards and sometimes it means witchcraft, but also

sometimes it just means preachers who disagree with me. It's tough. Yeah. Religion is a problem. The solution is to get the right one. Yes. None of the other stuff. We also, this is where we first see Daniel Adams preaching.

He's trying to be cool and appeal to kids, but his version of cool is talk black. Cool. It's not great. Super uncomfortable. It's not great. Also, he's one of those guys who like worked out too much. So now he's a triangle and he's like, yeah, pretty great. Right. And you're like, you look like you're holding your breath all the time. You okay? Right. You okay? You want to just hug your dad or are you just holding your breath all the time? Yeah. He's like, yeah, some people don't like our ministry. They don't like deliverance ministry. They don't like Greg Locke.

Those people feel with a bunch of demons. That's the demons filled with demons. Going to eat a handful of beef and salt now. And this is also where we first meet preacher Vladimir Savchuk. Quasimodo. OK. Yeah. Thank you. I wrote my notes. Vladimir is here exclusively to test how much we have progressed as people on this podcast And the answer is we have not he looks like a fetus right away. I was like insane eyeball. What's happening?

This man was having this man who has a dead eye just pointing wherever the fuck it feels like in any given moment Tells people they have demons in them for a living. That would be like if I was a professional fat shamer just walking around the gym, really? With my mouth half full of meatball stuff. I know demons aren't real, but if they're real, Sawchuck has the most of them. The whole time I was like,

somebody's gotta exercise that eyeball, right? Somebody's definitely Greg Locke's gonna come in there and be like, get out out succubus eyeball get out Flicking it. I have jokes about his content guys. So well you go ahead and do me another 17 pages About the fact that his eyeball looks like an overhang of a lovely gazebo All right, so yeah, yeah So but we get him for just a second, then we go back to Greg and Greg explains, he says, you know, people come to me all the time and they complain that

they have voices in their head. And I do something other than refer them for psychiatric help because I'm a terrible evil human being. Jesus, yes. He's like, they hear voices and I'm like, oh yeah, that's a demon. Yep. Yep. Like he was trying to get the catch oh yeah, that's a demon. Yep. Yep. Like he was trying to get the catchphrase, that's a demon going.

Yeah. Yeah. No, over and over. I've written that in my fucking notes, probably 106 times dot dot dot. That's a demon. Yeah. Oh, is this when Greg Locke says something is enticing my lust and then I'm pretty sure described as crucifixion kink? Yeah. my lust and then I'm pretty sure. Yes, it's part of his preaching.

His crucifixion kink. Yeah. OK, so over and over again in this movie, he uses the phrase I crucify my flesh. Yeah, no fucking clue. There was so much. I started looking shit up that he was saying, like, what the fuck do Christians mean when they say that? And like, it doesn't even make sense when you look it up So I stopped looking it up It's like that conversation within a conversation gobbledygook like you're you wind up on a fight on a furry fan page

And you're just like I just wanted to jerk off to some my little pony. I don't know what's going on Typically the blood rushes down and you actually have an erection at the end Exactly, that's actually science. All right. You know what? I'm going to keep going with the video. I'm going to see what happens. Yeah. So then we Bible quote our way into the next section where we're going to tackle the misconception that Christians are immune to demons.

Right. This is where Greg likes like, you know, I'm sick of the argument about whether people are oppressed by demons or possessed by demons. I'm like, secret answers. See, Jesus, this is what it's like being my coworker. People are oppressed by demons or possessed by demons. I'm like secret answers C. Jesus, this is what it's like being my coworker. And I just, again, I want to really apologize to you guys. This is just, this is, Heath's, every time Heath makes the mistake of answering the phone,

I'm like, you'll never guess what so-and-so wrote on Twitter. And that's what I am. Also, they keep showing crowd shots. They should not do that. Every crowd he has, it looks like a focus group for hot dogs at a gas station. And they're voting on it. And they all like it. This is also where we meet Leah Dupreeze.

This is the South African guy. I was hoping we would hear from a white South African guy. That's good. Yeah, finally giving us the clarity we need. Yeah, is this Santa in flower pajamas? No, we get Santa in flower pajamas after him. That is a Apostle Alex Pagani the guy who wrote the the four-hour book Okay, I want you to picture like a really niche coffee shop in Brooklyn. Like they don't make lattes It's espressos and macchiatos.

And if you order a macchiato, they explain what a macchiato is to you. You're picturing this guy. You just picture the barista who does that to you. You're picturing him. Imagine David Cross. He's brining his own pickles inside of that annoying coffee shop. There you go. You did it. Yes. I feel bad. I'm sorry, David Cross.

You're a handsome man. We're apologized for the comparison. But then so we meet him briefly. We'm sorry, David Cross. You're a handsome man. We apologize for the comparison. But then, so we meet him briefly. We meet both of those guys. And then we get, we cut back to Greg and he goes, you know, it's easy to tell if you have a demon or not. And I'm like, yes, it is. It's not.

It is actually easy. That's true. But then he gives us a series of questions that you have to ask yourself. Were you involved in the occult? Is there witchcraft in your family? Was your grandfather or great grandfather in the Masonic Lodge? If you've answered yes to any of those questions, you might have a demon. Have you ever walked by an Elks club?

All right. I think I got everyone. Right. Right. So, and then we hear from like a chick who used to think that she was psychic, but now she thinks she's oppressed by demons. I wrote my notes, I'm like, wow, you circled all the way around right and set up camp on the other side, didn't you?

He even at one point says, do you hate me? Like, do you just for some reason really, really hate me? Demon. Yes, right. Yeah. I wrote my notes at that point. Guys, I think I'm oppressed with a giant demon because I really fucking hate Yeah, though that was glad he was he came on he's like are you bored at religious services?

That's probably a demon right like oh really that's it's not you. It's it has nothing to you He's like do you just hate deliverance ministers. I'm like I'm listening. He's like probably a deep Vlad is quasi moto right yes. Yeah, Vlad is is Quasimodo. Please address him by his Christian name. No other illusions. He has a towel over his mic by the way. Yeah. Which felt like definitely all the other preachers were like, hey man, don't, I don't want to touch your thing. I don't want to catch it. You get a towel. I'm Greg Locke. There's no way you're going to convince me I can't catch whatever's going on with your eyeball right a towel. I'm Greg Locke. There's no way you're gonna convince me I can't catch whatever's going on with your eyeball right now

Take this sham. Wow I saw that and I thought well, yeah, I wouldn't want to touch something that Greg Locke had touched either but yeah It could go either way. Yeah, listen to this. No illusions. The best of us ladies and gentlemen Also, of course, he introduces us to the demon of pornography here. Yes. Uh-huh. He says a whole big speech about that. And also, like, he specifically says, this is so goddamn careless, he specifically says

the words, and I quote, no, you're not crazy. You're under the influence of a demonic spirit. They say that like three times in this movie, right? They tell people, no, you don't have a mental illness. You have a demon in those exact words. It's like me trying to get Kara in trouble as a doctor, as a joke, but they're doing it for real to themselves. Right.

I'm a medical doctor. Here's a prescription for unlicensed medication. I'm Greg Locke. There was also this one, this one moment where there's this random lady and she just comes on for no reason. She just goes, you know, I didn't know anything about generational curses. And I had, I paused to laugh for so goddamn long. But then that's what he explains.

Because apparently walking by the out club didn't get everybody. This is where he has to explain that like, you can get in trouble and get demons for shit that your great grandfather did. Did your great grandpa walk by the Elk Club? Fuck, it's hard to get all these people. It's like our culture is centered around Christianity for a bunch of generations and we need other reasons for people to come back. Right, right, yeah. There's one lady who's like, you know, I used to get angry sometimes, so that was a demon.

They have a montage of that, of people being like, I also got mad once, probably a demon, I better check out Greg Locke's thing and pay him some tithe. Right, I'm sorry, is Greg Locke, the man who's famous for just melting down

in front of a Target and a Dunkin' Donuts, actually saying in his fucking movie that losing your temper is a sign of demonic possession? Mm-hmm. Is that what just fucking happened? Maybe he's one of those people who's just waiting for someone to say like, and Greg would you like us to get rid of your demons? Yeah right. Finally, thank you. So I did have a meltdown out front of a Dunkin Donuts because I wouldn't wear a mask that's true. That was true.

All right. Well, apparently we have a bunch of fucking demons and I need to buy them a quick drink, but we'll be back in a flash with even more. Come out in Jesus name. They literally lead you to the same website. Let me show you. If they lead to the same website, click mine then, right? Hey guys, guys, what's the hub up? Well, Heath and I found the same Airbnb for the pajama party, but he wants me to click

on his link instead of mine when they're exactly the same. If they're exactly the same, you should just click my link, right? No problem. I get it guys. It's like wireless service for Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. And it's the same as your old wireless network?

Yep, exactly the same. Just way, way cheaper. You can even use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Ditch overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile's limited deal and get three months of premium wireless service for $15 a month. Alright Eli, I'm sold. When do I sign up?

To get this new customer offer and your new three-month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to MintMobile.com. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at MintMobile.com slash gam. That's Mintmobile.com slash gam. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at Mintmobile.com slash gam. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mintmobile for details. All right. Now whose Airbnb link are we picking? Okay. You know what? I

found this one. Why don't we use that? It's sort of a compromise. Okay, let me see it. Eli, this is the same link. Working with what I have. No illusions. I'm working with what I have. Yeah, got it. Still want to use mine? Okay. I'm clicking mine. And then I said, what's wrong with P pitchfork? That's our whole thing. Obviously, it's our thing. Oh, shit. It's the pornography demon. Hey, fellas, strife, right? Strife. Yeah. Hey, hey, pornography.

So what have we been up to? What are we doing? Well, you know, the usual murder, evil hatred. Totally nice. Nice, nice, nice. All right. What about you? Pornography, what are you up to? Oh, me just consenting adults, fucking lots of fucking. Sure. Sometimes people like like like watch it too much.

Yeah, that's that sounds real. Yeah, people are calling it an addiction. Now. I don't know if you've got an addiction. Well, you know, the definition of addiction is blurry. I think you're adopting that word from people with a real serious problem. So so pornography.

That's sex, right? I bet you deal with a lot of rape. A bunch of, a bunch of rape going on. Oh, man. Um, I wish, no, uh, actually a lot lower rape rate than so many other jobs. Uh, yeah. Oh yeah. Cause you, well, you know, you, cause you would think it would be hot. Right. So many other jobs. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, you know, you, cause you would think it would be high.

Right. You'd think you would think that, but no, it's significantly lower than both prison guards and soldiers. And if you're counting sexual assault, it's lower than public school teachers. I feel like I heard otherwise about those numbers. I know you have heard otherwise, but that was Christian propaganda. Okay. So, if you're just people fucking, you know, like consensually, why are you even a demon?

I... well, I'll tell you. I say that people are siblings a lot. God. Nice. I mean, gross. What? What? Gross.

Hahahaha! And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with a series of confessionals from people who used to be demonically addicted. Right? Yeah. This guy struggled with alcohol addiction. There's a lady who says like, I struggle with food addiction. I'm like, that's... It's not an issue. You have to eat food

That's just right and then later like two fucking montages later. She's gonna be like I had bulimia, which is not Food addiction right, but she's like, you know, I would eat a lot of cheeseburgers Which is like it's just like being addicted to meth and I'm like, I don't think it is upper middle class white lady with multiple plastic surgery And I'm like, I don't think it is upper middle class white lady with multiple plastic surgery I'm not diminishing the struggle of people with eating disorders. You are by saying it's a demon Yeah, right, right, and then there's one guy who I fucking love. He's like I was addicted to pharmaceuticals Like cocaine and I was like, all right, man So so what he was saying he's like giving us a list of things that he was addicted to he's like I was like, all right, man, so what he was saying, he's like giving us a list of things that he was addicted to.

He's like, I was addicted to pharmaceuticals, cocaine, but he says it as though cocaine is an example of the pharmaceuticals that he was addicted to. And I'm like, okay, that's how I knew Greg was pranking us this whole time. Right? Yeah, I went to a very old time pharmacy. He's the last man still putting it in the Coca-Cola. So and of course these confessionals are interspersed with Greg Locke at the pulpit speaking Christianese. I have no idea what any of this shit means. He says, I crucify my flesh every day and still can't get victory. What?

Yeah, he nails his skin onto a cross? I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying he doesn't, but I'm confused about the wind condition. He said victory there. I'm confused about the verbiage. Yeah. He also goes, he goes like, now you might think if your body's a temple, where do the demons get in? The courtyard. And I'm like, what is happening?

We literally get a CGI shot of the courtyard of the Temple of Israel so that to, you know, so we know what a courtyard is. See how the demons can get into our bodies. I don't know what's going on. He's explaining that like you can be filled with the Holy Spirit, right? Because all Christians think they're filled with the Holy Spirit, but demons can be in there too? Like a like a fucking wacky roommate show? And let me just say, if that was a wacky roommate show, I would watch it. And now back to Holy Moly.

Moly! What did I do this time? Look Molly, when I, the Holy Spirit, agreed to share this human vessel with you, I didn't realize you'd be watching porn. What can I say? I l-l-l-love the stuff. Oh Molly, well new rule, no porn in the vessel, okay? I still own half this place.

Fine, fine. Jesus Christ. Did somebody say body of Christ? Come on, who invited him? It's Sunday. He's always here on Sundays. That's right. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, back and buys, Tuesday, Thursday, legs and pecs.

And on Sunday, we flex. Exactly. See? Sounds good. Sounds good. Morgan worked so fucking hard to make that one little, that 45 seconds happen right there. We don't tell him ahead of time too. He's just listening to do his job and then all of a sudden has to find people going,

yeah, right, right. Is courtyard belly button is demons congregate there? You got to wash that or else demons apparently. My favorite bit is after this just gobbledygook where I had to Google 16 different things He goes and that's why the Bible says put on the armor of God and I'm like, what is why they say? Yes, it feels like you're watching a pitch for a pyramid scheme, but with less reality and more victims Yeah, right, right. Uh-huh. They talk about being filled with demons like a New Jersey exterminator who's about to give you a really high quote like, oh no, see all up in here you got demons too.

You see that? Yeah, no, that's demons too. Yeah, no, this is not going to be cheap. Because Eli's bringing his real life situation in again. Please, it's matriarch. You have to. You have to. They don't give me credit cards for good reason.

This is all you have to. They get that machine that you just wave it around and it like sends, oh, that's water. You got water. That's why you got demons. That's a demon right there. You just said, I heard you do it. You're mouth. Just get a fake machine that makes a noise, man. Do your live better. This is also where we meet Mike Signorelli of the V1 church. He'll be important later. Asterisk. But before we get to him, we have to talk about Hudson, the evangelist kid that was there just daring me. Like this kid is the quintessential dork kid. Every dork thing is present on this kid as though again, they're daring me to

make fun of him. Right. They knew that Noah would hold strong against making fun of fetus guy. And they were like, but what about Hudson? No illusions. You sure you don't have any words about Hudson's physical appearance? You want to say Noah's just trembling like Roger Rabbit in the closet? Hudson's slowly rubbing his mullet along the camera. Hudson has dangerous ideas. Hudson has dangerous ideas!

But Hudson helps me out so much because the first lines he says is he goes, young people struggle with things. And I'm like, oh hold on give me a second to soak that profundity in before you throw me another Hudson. Okay, I was just not paying attention at all during any of this, except for maybe Hudson. He caught my eye for a second. The whole time I just saw Greg Locke in one shot and he switched into

his fucking motorcycle jacket like an asshole for no reason. The whole time I was just like, I want to flick the stupid buckles and zippers. I want to flip them. Yeah, there's this great moment, too, where Vlad shows back up and he's got, he tells us this story of this lady who got COVID even though she was in her home by herself and

wore a mask even when she was at home alone. And then, so the doctors couldn't figure out what's going on. So they prayed for her and she puked into her mask. That's what you get. Oh my God. Okay. I almost went with this. This is almost best worst puke there is so much Vomiting in this movie. We're gonna keep it minimal, but every montage Contains someone holding a bowl for someone who's about to puke Yeah, or someone who is very obviously just finished puking doing that like Obviously just finished puking doing that like

Or glad telling a story about somebody puking. Okay, but a bunch of these people are faking it It's yes doing fake demon stuff including like oh I'm right, but so they bring a bowl for the possibly That's gonna happen as an act to go along with this bullshit. Just pantomime the ball really cut out the middle Church even hires dedicated big bouncer dudes to just like catch idiots who spasmen fall in a fake way That might hurt them. Yes, that's a job there. There's several women We see throughout the documentary who are very clearly designated Ball holders and I think that's the worst job in America.

Yeah. I want to see Mike wants his name to that. Yeah. So, okay. So then we get another fucking demon quote, and this is where Vlad explains to us that the demons in you need to eat garbage. This is where I realized that it was a hot pocket demon that gave me the heart attack guys.

Oh, it was a hot pocket demon. Yeah. I have a soy dog demon. Heath has a scotch demon. Yeah. Heath might be a scotch demon. Really? So yeah.

So I loved Hudson at this point comes on and he's like, he's like, you know, your phone is one of the biggest doorways to sin and porn and self-pleasure. And you're just starting, you're going like, come on, don't. And he goes, which I did a lot. I'm like, okay, Hudson, calm down. There it is. Hudson. Fuck yeah, Hudson.

Do you find that they put the porn back on Tumblr Hudson? Is that what it is? You found out that they put the porn back on Tumblr? I found out that too, Hudson. So and then meanwhile, we've got Greg preaching about having the demon of masturbation and porn and while he's talking about that the camera just lingers on this middle-aged lady who I can only assume is the cameraman's ex. Right? Yeah. We also, there's this great moment they cut over to Vlad because all

of the preaching montages are sort of intercut with each other and Vlad is like and this demon it needs to see the pornography all the time, like every three weeks, and I wrote my notes, three weeks, okay, the eyeball is full of cum, we figured it out. Yeah right, that's cum pushing your eyeball out of your head. If you jerk off, you're gonna have a normal forehead by the end of it. No, so yeah, there's also, there's a great moment, this is just so random, but I have to point it out. Greg says in his sermons, there's also, there's a great moment. It's just so random, but I have to point it out. Greg says in his sermons, he's like, you know, they, do you don't want to give a place for demons.

You know what place means? And I wrote in my notes, like, obviously everybody knows what place means. And as I'm writing that, he goes, it means occupancy. And I'm like, okay, well I stand corrected. Damn. What the fuck is place? Okay. I got you. I got you. It's occupant. What the fuck is occupant? You made it so much harder.

That's so many more syllables. So many more words. You mean the eye doctor? And then he actually ends by saying, I'm not saying porn is a demon. But probably it's a demon. But he's a Jewish doctor. Right. Jewish doctor. Yes, exactly. That timing, exactly. Also, if it's not always a demon, what is it some of the time, Greg? Yeah. Sometimes you just feel like racking it. Well, right. Right, exactly. So then, okay, and now we've done a bunch of demon shit. Now it's time for more fucking work drama, right? We're going to learn how Greg met Daniel Adams. Like we give a fuck. This is so good.

Like, again, I don't want to make this about me, but this is so very clearly. We all hated Greg, but they were like, he does have a lot of Facebook followers. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Do a thing with him. They have a whole montage of people being like, we did not like Greg, but you know. Likes are likes on Twitter. Yeah, exactly. Right.

Mike comes on at this point and he goes like, you know, I think Greg is just a historical figure and I'm like, relax. He already said you could be in the movie. Okay. And I'm like relax man. He already said you could be in the movie, okay? But what Greg thinks he's showing us here is like the oceans 11 getting the team together Portion of the program and he clearly wouldn't be in it But he made the movie so he had this one moment for one guy to be like I'm emailing with Greg fucking lock guys Greg Lock we got to get him. Maybe you've heard of him.

We totally got to get him. We got to. I'm dropping his name because he's that big. Cut. Yeah. And at one point like they were like, all right, but so then Daniel was on board and Alex was on board, but could we get Isaiah on board? And I'm like, oh my God, this is someone telling me the history of their fantasy baseball league. Isaiah fucking Saldivar. Are you serious? I missed it when I was watching this movie. Is he in this? So then we got to the big TSNL for runner conference in Duluth, Georgia, that we've all been waiting for.

So I guess that's where they first met Greg and his wife, first met the guy that wrote that 14 page book that we were talking about earlier. Yeah. And when they met, Greg knew they were going to have a monumental friendship. And I wrote in my notes, me and Marsh and Kara and Tom and Cecil and pretty much everyone else in the podcast. Just me being like, we're best friends now.

What? Nothing. You're at a work event. I love you. He goes, Greg has tell us the story of his wife meeting Alex. She's like, you know, he met she met him and she fangirled over him a bit. And he knew who she was. And I'm like, well, because he has three fans, man. Yeah.

Like you read the 14th page of his book. Yeah. She also really wants to fuck him. Well, there's a very big undercurrent of she really wants to fuck Alex throughout this movie. And I get it. He's he make you a latte like nobody's been. Well, it wouldn't be a latte. That's just for noobs.

Well, right. Yes, exactly. Tells you why it's different than a cappuccino while he does it. Smlakiado actually. I don't do macchiatos. Sploosh. I also I love that like they do this whole big moment here You know where it's like it's not about the size of a man's church or the number of people in his congregation

Or the number of likes he has on social media I'm like well Then why do we spend the first sixth of this movie talking about how big your church was and how many likes you had on? social media you jackass It could be them so It could be about that. The point he's making is it's not about size. It's about the substance of anti-demon magic. Yeah, your Jesus magic.

Yeah. So, okay, so that's enough work drama for now. It's time to get back to demons, right? We get another demon quote from the Bible here. And just as I'm thinking to myself, how the fuck could there possibly be 50 minutes left in this goddamn movie? We get a sermon clip that we've already seen. Right.

They replay a sermon clip and then we get Isaiah going like, you know, often people ask, how do I know that I have a demon? I'm like, we already did that part of the movie. So did it start over? I literally checked if I had accidentally like pushed a button on Amazon. Yeah. He's like, Isaiah says demons are pro at hide and seek. And I'm like, oh, you're just daring me to take you seriously.

Okay. My favorite part of the lore here, according to Christians, Greg Locke, all these people, the big way that you can get demons, their Achilles heel, is technical legal loopholes. Yes! Yes, they're very legalistic, they tell us. You get them on technicalities, and apparently demons are like, fuck, that is technically the law of demons

in the demon constitution. Yes! He said it out loud, I have to leave. Fuck. Yeah. So then, okay, so now we're going to get probably the scariest part of this movie. Maybe the second scariest. There's a part where a kid does an anti-demon prayer that's a little worse maybe. But this is the part where we see Isaiah exercising the demons out of this woman. Now they blurred this woman and they've changed her voice and everything, but she starts off, she's like, you know, I renounce witchcraft and palm reading and Ouija boards. And then she's like, I renounce the evil thoughts I have every night about murdering my children.

Sorry, what? And they move on. Right. And I'm like, man, they aren't going to let this deeply disturbed woman leave after this telling her that she's cured now. Right? That there's no longer anything wrong with her.

Yep. So, yeah. So we watched this for like a fucking while. He says it goes on for hours. I don't doubt it, but we see clips of it. We see him suddenly. He just goes like, I renounce you evil spirits of this. I renounce you evil spirits of that.

At one point he goes, I renounce you evil spirits of this, I renounce you evil spirits of that. At one point he goes, I renounce you bird spirit. And we're like, are you just going like saying what you see now? Are you gonna renounce hats next? Because she's hyperventilating, right? And she's doing that thing where you sort of fan yourself and he's like, bird spirit, that's why she's flapping. Oh, is that why?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can I say, my son, chock full of bird spirit. You watch this kid watch a marble video. He is chock full of bird spirit. He sure is. I've seen it. He tries to take off and everything. Yeah, so yeah, we watched them Fucking torture a mentally ill lady the whole time. Her husband's got to hold the puke bucket Right, right, but now now that the demon is gone She's not afraid of birds anymore. Also her, and I quote, her teeth stopped falling out and her hair stopped falling out. And she's not afraid of birds. So this is like a free for honest. So it's so he's got a great

deal there. Jesus. So yeah. So apparently like, yeah, they heard Heath's jibe about the legal rights of the demons or whatever, because that's what like Alex comes on. He's like, yes, Heath, we're leaning into that. Satan, he says, quote, is a master legalist. Oh my God. That's so funny. He's like, I just, I'm mentioning Satan playing board games against Heath now. And the example that he gives, by the way, is in Job when he tricked God, who is omnipotent. And all-knowing. He's like, you remember how Satan was like, bet you won't, and so he killed the man's

family. That master legalizer. Shit, I feel like there's a word for it. Well, we may never know. Devils and legalizer. It's something it will. God, something there. It's our boss.

Abacus. But then they tell us about the sin of unforgiveness. I have no idea where this comes from, but they start talking about how important it is that your kids not hold a grudge against you, even if what you do is crazy and endangers people, I think. Yeah. Well, so they get way worse than that afterwards with their next thing about unforgiveness. They sure do. Like so much worse. Yeah. Like, uh, you know how we don't forgive rapists enough?

Yikes. Well, okay. So the point that he thinks he's making, he's like, we don't forgive rapists because we don't think rape is bad. We forgive them because it allows us to move on. And I'm like, okay, so you see how the result is the same, though, like the fact that you feel the need to clarify it is evidence that the result is the same. Yeah, it's weird when forgiveness is a huge part

of your brand, especially for sex crimes, huh? Yeah, that's right. That's weird. Right. Like if we were like, every year we do matriots, where we fundraise for ourselves. Then of course we do vulgarity for charity, where we fundraise for other people.

And then in July, we just sort of make sure that everyone's chill about all the sex crimes. Just like anyone you know who does sex crimes with it. We call it Let It Go August. You're on the scapegatious. You know who does sex crimes with it. We call it let it go August. You're on the scape of the cave. In this movie they have a long segment of Pastors being like yeah, here's the hardest part for us. It's that rape victims are super mean when we explain that they're really Judging right yeah exactly they get really mad when you tell them to forgive everybody

I'm trying to talk about the food at this barbecue and they're like, you raped me, you raped her. It's just, it's nonstop. Jesus Christ. They never let it go. Also, by the way, I know there's this like, it doesn't have to be religious. There's a general wisdom that like forgiving can be healthy. I don't think it is like hating bad people feels super healthy to me.

It's like raindrops on Rose. It's like my favorite stuff right there. I thrive on it. But of course, Isaiah, at this point, for the second time we have somebody in the movie literally say, these are not mental illnesses. These are unclean spirits that are living in us. That's a quote. Yep. A quote.

Jesus fucking Christ. So, OK, so then we get the story about how they started doing mass deliverance services, right? They were like, oh, and this is the first of several times that we're going to hear like their buddies song that he wrote about this movie. Oh, yeah, for sure. And where the lyrics are just the title. And then Craig started doing a bunch of demons at once at a time. And his order at Dunkin' Donuts is totally reasonable. Anyway, moving on to the demon thing. Yeah.

One more time. And again, I just want to be clear that this is like a branding marketing workshop, right? He's like, you know, it's hard to pull people up one by one and be like, get out of here, demon. Oh, it's a bird. It's from Puerto Rico. Right? And we like get out of here demon. Oh, it's a bird. It's from Puerto Rico, right? So what we did is we found an old VHS tape of a guy who was just like um Bueller Bueller your exercised Smith Watson your

Winfucking Warley Win the Henry Ford of exorcism. He just had assembly lines and people would exercise, exercise, exercise. Yeah, he says he found another book. This was not on Audible, so I don't know how long it is. He says the book was called The Diary of an Exorcist. That's the subtitle. Okay. The book is called Battling the Hosts of Hell, The Diary of an Exorcist. And even Greg Locknew had to clean that dumb shit up. But what Winnne Worley's trick was is that instead of saying, Bueller, you're exercise Smith, you're exercise, he says, everybody who has a demon of pornography, you're exercised. Everybody who has a demon of Freemasonry,

you're exercised. So now he can exercise 30, 40, 150 people at the same time instead of doing the one on one shit, right? And can I say this video clips they're showing uncomfortably close to drama school. Just in case anyone's wondering what drama school is like, it is a lot of this. So and then they're going to they tell us what's wrong with churches these days. A hint, it's that they don't exercise enough demons. Yes. Right.

This is when we get a clip of the speech where he said he had three witches in his church, but not that part. Yeah. He's like, I know there's witchcraft up in here. Hard cut because the second half of that was there are three witches in this church and I will find you. Yeah, that's the one. But so Greg Locke, though, he theorizes that the decline in church attendance is because people are not fundamentalist enough about the demon stuff. And I encourage Christianity to listen to Greg Locke on that one. My job is hard enough. Damn it. Finally. Yeah. He's like, it's not about buildings. And then immediately is like,

we have a 3000 seat tent. And it's like, is it about buildings or not, Greg? Right. Yeah, exactly. That's a building, man. Right. like, is it about buildings or not, Grant? Right, yeah, exactly, that's a building, man. Also, by the way, there's no seats in it, it's just 3000 people tent, yeah. He goes, you know, the problem in the church started in the 60s and 70s when they started getting more pop psychology about shit,

and I'm like, hold on a second, you guys blame the Boomers too, is that? So we find something that we all agree on? okay. Okay boomer read a fucking demon idiot All we are saying Is give priest a chance Too much lead-up not worth it. Sorry. I'm not you stupid. So so that we believe in a bad song joke I rebuke you demon of bad jokes. That's an amazing demon. So then we really, we really dig into what's wrong with churches these days.

Right? I'm going to start singing. Oh no, you're doing your intro. Sorry. I'm a demon of really bad timing on songs. Demon of bad timing, yep. So, and we get this Bible quote here. This is just fucking amazing, right? This is Ephesians 5 11 the quote is take no pardon on fruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them That's don't be bad tell on people who are bad right snitches They would just the quote so I feel so sorry for people trying to find profundity in the fucking Bible snitches find witches. Yeah

Sing that you want to sing it? No. No, that was great. That was brilliant. Stop it This is also where Vlad gives us his shotgunning of all the things that might be demons, right? Crystals in Africa. They say open up to God not open up to Jesus. Apparently that's it at one point. He says emptying your mind during meditation Makes your mind vulnerable to demons. He's a new it leaves room in there for the demons. Yes, go Ouija boards He explains very dangerous yoga. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Gotta walk out for that stretching Just a bunch of demons sitting there in your belly button. Hold on, hold on, hold on. He cleared his mind, he cleared his mind. We got this, jump in, jump in.

Yeah. He's moved. He has this fucking phenomenal moment where Greg Locke is at the pulpit and he says, "'Nobody wants to talk about bondage in the church.' And I wrote in my notes, the Eli Bosnick story. All right, see me and Greg, same page. There's also, the South African guy shows back up

at this point to explain how we're all goldfish in God's goldfish bowl. And I just, I have to point this out because he says, you know how when you stick your fingers in there, your, your, your fish are afraid of your finger and they all swim away. Well, that's because when something comes from a higher dimension into a lower dimension, it's scary. And I'm like, dude, my fish don't swim away from my fingers and fear that they know that they're getting food when they find my, when my fingers are in there, are you, what are you doing to your fish?

We know what he's doing to his fish. Also what dimensions do you think your hand is in? That's also another thing is the notion that he's the higher part of like, that's the higher dimension is above into the bowl. The fish is in the water in the bowl dimension. I think that's really what he was thinking. Yes, that's exactly what he was thinking. But then Greg has to come back in and he's got to explain the God-sized hole in our hearts that we're born with. But this is where he points out, he's like, hey, look, you know, if you believe the

Bible, you have to believe that the other guys, that the bad guys have magic powers too. Just think about the time when Moses threw down his stick and it turned into a Serpent like the Pharaoh's vizier sticks also turned into serpents and I'm like, yes Your book is fucking dumb if you're making a point other than your book is fucking dumb. Don't bring up that part You gotta have a second trick prepared Moral Greg also, I think exact quote, Hollywood is buck wild into demonism because it sells. And I was like, really man? You're going to say that during your movie about demons?

Seriously? Yes, that you're selling that I rented for money from you. Yeah. And also, by the way, the soundtrack behind Greg talking about fucking Ouija boards is, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's just like this terrified demon music the whole time. It's amazing. Like two of them are going to fly on camera and crush his head in between. Yes. All right. Well, oh, oh, oh, oh, you're pushing it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tell you what, Ouija boards are some pretty scary shit. So I feel like we need to take a break in case anybody needs a minute to recover.

But first, let me give act through the hard sell. Is Isaiah taking more than his fair share of the morning doughnuts? Did Daniel microwave fish in the break room again? Are we going to believe what Mike's secretary said about Alex's wife? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the halting conclusion of Come Out in Jesus Name. Dude, just take it. I don't want your green paper. For the last time, it's money. Hey guys, what's with all the hubbub? Eli forgot what money is again? I know what honey is. No, money. This happens like once a month. I mean, if you're forgetting money every month, then what you need is rocket money. What's rocket

money? Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. With rocket money, I have full control over my subscriptions and a clear view of my expenses. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place and if I see something I don't want, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with a few taps. Wow, that does sound great. I love how the dashboard shows me this month's spending compared to last month's so I can clearly see my spending habits.

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That's rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. Rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. Alright, Noah. Thanks. So Eli, can I have your green paper? No, Heath just told me I need it. It's honey and... Money. It's money. That's it. It's honey and money. It's money. That's it. That Michael, Michael Smith. Step forward. Yes. St. Peter. I'm ready to enter heaven. Right. About that. Oh, is that their problem? I'm afraid so.

You know how you're adopted? Sure. Yeah, my Christian foster parents, they help me find the Lord. Yup, yup. And God really appreciates that, by the way, hugely. But? There's a but? But, but, yes, you kind of had a generational curse on you and it tipped the scale, actually. I didn't even know my parents. Right. No, you know what? It's not even your parents.

These things go back three generations. Listen, in this case, it was your great grandpa. He was a big old homo. No way. Yep. Yep. Positively loved the dick. Right. But I was a Christian. I loved the dick. Right, but I was a Christian. I loved the Lord. Yeah, but not as much as Pee-Paw loved the peen, my dude. So, uh, see ya. This is a weird system. I mean, he's got me there.

And we're back for still more of this shit, and this is where we're finally gonna get to the book burnings. Yes, just in case you thought Greg was gonna gloss over the fact that the thing he is also famous for is holding a book burning. Yep. Well, and he starts off with a fucking Bible quote that makes it super clear. Hey, man, the Bible is pro book burning. And I'm like, yep. No, you're right. It is. Yeah, no, you are correct. Yeah. Yeah, he mentions the satanic panic and I was like, oh he's gonna say

It's good. Isn't he? Yep. Yep. Sure. He's like, yeah, so witchcraft Had to pivot the brand after that amazing satanic panic. Yeah We panicked so well that witchcraft had to rethink their strategy Yeah, we really we really got him on their preschool and people who turned out to be innocent strategy Yeah, now they're back. They pivoted. They did like Sabrina, the teenage witch. That was a like a gateway witch in the 90s when they calmed it down.

And now they ramped it up to like, you know, Disney doing stuff and Harry Potter being all demon-y and stuff. Yeah, right. He says that the Satanist pivoted to children's entertainment. He goes, especially Disney. No elaboration. Nope. I think in his mind, he imagined them showing a couple of clips of satanic stuff from Disney, but then his lawyers are like, Oh fuck no, dude. Are you kidding me? You don't want to do that? No, no, no, no. Greg, Greg, we're already fucking up here, man. Let's not.

And then we see the book burning like behind his monologue. He's explaining it. We've seen clips of it. And I didn't realize this. We talked about the book burning quite a bit. I didn't realize that they did it in the rain.

It's the fucking best. So fucking funny. And they keep showing it. It's just a whole bunch of idiots standing in the rain, listening to Greg Locke give speeches during it. And it's just so sad like a

fucking poem about suicide and everybody's so bored of it. They hate it so much. I also have to point out of the only couple, because obviously they can't show most of the copyrighted shit they burned, someone has brought some Halloween googly eyes to be burned. Right, because those are satanic it's the Halloween you know whose eyes Google Satan and then he turns to Vlad and he's like sorry man I hope it did nothing personal it was a little bag of like Halloween fingers and eyeballs cuz that's the devil's work that was so

amazing yeah they're burning like plastic stuff too like board games oh yeah they're so proud of it. They made a giant plastic fire with stuff that they bought from Disney to destroy. Disney is like in their heads a win. Right. And then they stood around and just breathe the fumes of it. It's raining, right? So that smoke isn't rising.

It's just spreading out. Yeah. Everybody's just coughing. They keep showing it. It's just spreading out around. Yeah, everybody's just coughing. They keep showing it. Greg Lockett says there's an overall sense of peace and immediately the movie actually cuts to a giant absurd fireball.

In the rain. It's amazing. And then they cut from that to that time they harassed those drag queens in Knoxville. Yes. And God, his version of the story is so funny. He's like, I got a call that they are doing a drag show at Children. At Children. Yes.

It's at Christmas, which we had dibs on. So we got to come get arrested. So yeah, so we all gathered across the street, because that's the closest they were allowed to get, and we shouted harassment at these people who were trying to put on the fucking Christmas show for children. Yes. And truly, you have never seen a more desperate attempt to make a crowd look bigger, right? It's like an unknown stand-up comedian shooting the crowd outside his special.

They're just going back and forth across the same six bigots, being like, oh, where does the line end? Yeah, right. And he explains that they were actually being very polite about bigoting at them, and the people on the other side, the people who were supporting the drag show,

made obscene gestures and... Name calling? Mmm. Not a fan. Not a fan of the name calling that went on. Oh, it's fucking awful. Greg Locke actually says, yeah, we don't attack people. We attack the literal demons inside. That are inside of those people.

We're trying to get through the... I'm attacking through you. Yeah, and by the way, like we had the runtime of this movie quite a bit with just harassing drag shows B-roll here. Yeah. It goes on for a really fucking... even when they have nothing left to do, even when he's run out of shit to say, we just... the camera lingers while he's like, and I had... I don't... We literally just watch him stand around for a minute and he's like thought I had something. I mean I'm done. I had So I had a song demon right now that would pop right in and then we cut to a fetus and I don't mean a guy

Who looks like a piece of did like a literal we have like a like a CGI fetus that we cut to I don't think we know That it wasn't quasi moto here. Maybe that was Quasimodo's feet. We're about to watch how it happened. This is before the car crash. The fetus with Benjamin Button. There you go. So, but as we're looking at the fetus, we hear this kid claiming victory over Satan in a voiceover.

Now look, in the mythology of Christians, that's got to be weird for Satan, right? Like you're the fallen angel Lucifer, and you're being called out in Christ's name, so I guess you hear it, right? You got some form of potence, even if it's not Omni. So you rise from hell invisibly, and there's a nine-year-old reading a speech his grandma taught him. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with this. This feels weird. the dynamic is. No?

Fuck you. I don't even want to say fuck you. It's a kid. Yes. But honestly though, like this kid destroying the works of witches and wizards with his Jesus spell is one of the scariest things I've ever fucking seen though. Right? Like that was a terrifying thing to look at. But from there, we cut to Greg bragging about his New Year's Eve celebration in

2022. The caption comes out and lets us know that that was on December 31st, by the way. That's the day that New Year's Eve fell in that year. If you're watching Greg Sloc's movies, you might need to, a quick reminder of when New Year's Eve is. Sure. Nope, that's fine. What's a December? Earlier place didn't make sense either. But he does this whole weird bit where he's like, you know, so I decided to have a big thing on New Year's Eve, a big party, and it just turned out that all of my preacher friends that I preach with were available to do it that day. It was a miracle.

Oh, those guys didn't get invited to a whole bunch of parties with all their awesome do it that day. It was a miracle. Oh, those guys didn't get invited to a whole bunch of parties with all their awesome friends. Right, it was miraculously. That's a miracle of God. You know he was texting the group chat like time to get the gang back together and get nothing but thumbs up emojis. Yep. Just nothing but thumbs up emojis. Yep. Well, he's like it was so crazy. Everybody was available to preach and I'm like, your job is preacher, man. We managed to get together for a podcast today. The three of us. Can you imagine?

It's a miracle from God. And then so and then we cut to like Greg talking about the miles long line, trying to get into his church that day for that New Year's Eve celebration. He's like, yeah, police aren't happy. The neighbors aren't happy. but what can you do? And I'm like, make lines in your parking lot. Move to an area zoned for that kind of traffic. Follow the laws that they keep fining you

for fucking defying about where this kind of shit is supposed to happen. You unfathomable asshole. Oh, sorry. I don't usually get this mad about traffic ordinance violations. Yeah, no, it's fair. I don't usually get this mad about traffic ordinance violations. Yeah, no, it's fair. It's fair. Yeah. But so then we get our we we get this montage of their New Year's Eve

service starting with Alex exercising a bunch of demons. Yeah. Is this the gay guy? Yes. Right. The first guy he gets is a guy who's had some gay dreams about some gay shit. Now, what I love the most about this is that Alex very clearly explains to this man what to pretend beforehand. And we watched that happen. Right. He's like, now we don't believe in possession here.

So don't get all Linda Blair. When I ask you your name, you're supposed to say your real name and not the demon. He just does that right in front of everybody and they're like demon Damn it. Come on, man I'm gonna give you a scratch and wing this don't wing it. Do not wing it, please Sorry, is this the guy that they use the witness protection voice? It's so funny apparently they're like the demon wouldn't sign a waiver for the movie and they were right I'm technically right now. He is a demon and they use that voice

Perjurilators so this guy goes up on stage whatever Santa Claus hipster rap rabbi guys trying to like exercise his demon He's like okay explain your demon and then the voice He's like I had a wet dream. I couldn't stop laughing. I have some gay feelings. Well right, but that's the thing, it wasn't just any wet dream, it was a gay wet dream. Because he says I had a sex dream and then he's like, and I've left that lifestyle, right? And this is where, so Alex is going to do his little shtick.

And he exercises the generational curse of perversion Whatever that means gay grandpa, I love that he had to give him a few stage directions during the thing. Oh, yeah He's like lift your hands No fucking seriously Literally, I just told you to do it He actually lifts your head. Literally, I just told you to do a thing. Demon away!

No, he actually has to get, he's like, go demon, go, go! And the guy doesn't do anything and he's going, he just has to keep going, go, go, go, man, go, go! Go, go now! This is your cue in the theater show we are doing. And they kept the voice modulator on, so this guy doing any sort of fake grunting noise is like It was amazing but what we're watching is Christian Bolshito, right? So they start like doing like they make a hand gesture in the person with the demons falls down and shit

It's just you know, yeah, it's just people playing along with their dumb shit I just I have to point this out at one point in this exorcism montage there's a guy who just very clearly like had too many chicken wings you know when they tell you you get two sandwiches for $5.99 I don't think they mean you're supposed to eat them both yeah demon indigestion that was fun the montage of fake dry heaving plus that one guy being like, Oh my god, this went really badly. I'm having a bad day. Seriously, Patreon goal? I will take so much Ipacac and go to a Greg Lark revival.

Oh gods, yes! We just chug it. We just put water bottles in it like it's vodka. And me and Eli will stand outside and just like gesture our hands at people as they wait to get in in kind of like subtle ways and stuff. Yeah. Mudder pseudo-let. I will stand by me them so hard. Yeah. Keith, between the coffee enemas and the Ipica, I'm worried you have kinks that aren't being

expressed. It's Machiavellian. I have demons. I do. Yeah, but they assure us, oh, there's also this great, like, Greg's wife wants to fuck Alex moment here. Oh my God, the whole movie. It's so good though, because like he says, like, yeah, you know, there's a point there

where Alex was exercising demons and my wife just stopped and stared at his thighs Just looked at them and her tongue kept coming out. She started to chew and she wasn't wearing Wasn't have any gum He does he's crying It was so powerful how much my wife loved his demons. So happy right now. Not bad. I'm going to check out the pastor jealousy workbook. Laughing actually.

So, yeah, so so then so Greg starts his wrap up, right? He starts to tell us what he hopes people will take away from this documentary. And I'm genuinely curious. I have no idea what I'm supposed to take away from this documentary. But he explains the most important thing is that the devil knows that he's going to hell. And isn't he already in? I thought he was already there.

Is he in some kind of transitive? I guess. I don't know. Yeah. But he said. But of transitive position? I guess. I don't know. Yeah. But Greg explains that Jesus defeated Satan conditionally. Right? Like, he's not all the way defeated. He's most of the way taken care of, but you still need to come every week and get your demons taken out. Right. It's like when you're playing Catan and one player is very obviously winning, but you kind of got to finish the game. That's the position Satan's in. Yeah, exactly. He's like, you know, hey, and look, it doesn't matter if you might be good, you might crucify your flesh every day, whatever the fuck that means. But you know, God will

punish you for shit that your dad did and your grandpa and your great grandpa. And I'm like, that's because he's the bad guy though, right? The bad guy, right. And he's like, you're probably wondering, let me cover a couple more things in case I didn't get you. Why do my children have nightmares? Why do I need medications of any kind? He's trying to convince us that our children having nightmares is our fault for not being Christian enough.

Yeah. So and then Isaiah cuts in and he explains, he's like, Hey, look, if you read the Bible, it's super clear that Christians are supposed to be able to do miracles. If we can't do miracles, then the Bible isn't true. And I'm like, that is correct. Yep. You got it, Isaiah. You're so close, buddy.

Yep. So close. And then Greg explains that Satan has deceived us all, but the church most of all. So I guess we're at least winning in that, right? God, this whole section was so long. It's just a montage of each idiot, including Greg, getting to say the rest of their rambling nonsense that got cut from the earlier thing. But now they put it back in.

I was just like, no, I'm playing with my Lego Archaeopteryx now. I was going to say if I can read Heath's notes, it'm playing with my Lego Archaeopteryx now. Yes! I was going to say if I can read Heath's notes, it's not listening, not listening, playing with my Lego dinosaur. I like that Eli wasn't even going to try to pronounce Archaeopteryx right there. Dinosaur can't be an eye doctor. That makes no sense. Seriously, at this point, I'm hearing Greg Locke as a trombone making fun of a different

trombone. Yeah. That's you. Yeah. But then, and then fucking we get a black and white on demoning, right? We get artsy with it for a second. And then Greg's really going to bring it home with more semi coherent fucking rambling. Look, one time I met a preacher and he said to me, come on man, can you believe that? And the devil, he's thrown every weapon at me. He used CNN on me.

Yep. Yep. Satan used CNN against you. He used controversy against you. Right? Yeah. He's like, look, take away Trump and COVID and my homophobia. And I wrote my notes. I wish that I could. Right. I want you to know. He's like, it was never about the controversy. It was never about making the scathing atheist guys make fun of my coffee order. Right.

It was always about leading people to Jesus. And then so we start, we back away from, and again, this is supposed to be this triumphant fucking shot. We have this drone shot of his tent and all the porta potties that his congregation has to settle for because he's cheap and disgusting. The end. Right. And you can count the 40 cars of all the people that are there.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. But now it's not over. It's never quite over. Right. The port-a-potties are actually pretty comfortable. So don't smell as bad as you would have a great guy who cleans them. And look, I should point out that these are like right next to the tent, too. Right. So like, obviously, on a hot day, it's gonna smell like porta potty and bowl vomit, you know? Porta potty turns to the other porta potty. Man, they're really full of shit in there, am I right?

Well done, sir. Sorry, I got a demon of puns. You all made us sing that for you. You say, yeah. So, and then when we get the credits, now during the credits though, his wife shows up, Greg's wife, and she's like, also, yada yada. I just, I don't know. I'm like Heath at this point. I'm playing with my Lego Anguillusaurus.

I'm incapable of paying attention to her boring ass testimony about demons. It's very clear he finished the movie and he was like, well, there it is. And she was like, you cut the part where I said my testimony. He was like, what? No. That I was saving. Yours is for the best. You know how everyone's really paying attention during the credits? That's what we're doing. Maybe if you didn't like Alex Pagani like a whore. Close your damn legs.

Put you in the fucking movie more. Wayne the truck. I have to talk about one moment of the credits though, because it's just people talking. It's literally like stuff that didn't make the movie the credits at the end They have an outtake which is a guy saying something that's very deep and meaningful and then he goes that was really good Right is good fucking Yeah, right cuz he's like, you know, we don't build audiences we build armies But he doesn't wait long enough after he's done to start talking about what a great job

He's done and thereby ruins the fucking day. Oh it was good for our movie we don't believe any of this shit we are con men and liars can we start the chant again? Con men, con men, liars, liars. We have fun. I'm having gay sex with my assistant. Callin' in liars. Shut up, man. Shut up. All right, so to know what, we obviously have a lot of demons. If we've learned nothing else today is that we have a lot of demons. Do you guys think you have like a main one? Who chairs the demon meeting inside your body?

Oh, definitely demon of pornography. He's like, he's basically running the place. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Well, I guess I have a generational one My demon is fucking Amelia Earhart back Grandmother Basically, I've had sex with Amelia Degree of separation

Demonically. All right. Well, that's gonna do it for a review of come out in Jesus name But that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to work up the courage to do it again. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Two children from the future traveled to ancient times to witness major events in religious history. That's right. We'll be watching the El-Khontari Eras tour that is the Golden Laws. Happy Science Cult, baby. Oh, I'm equal parts excited and dreading it. So with that to look forward to and dread, we're going to bring Episode

457 to a merciful close once again, a huge thanks to all the patron donors to help make the show go. If you can't count yourself in their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to Patreon dot com slash God awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our

sibling shows, The Skating Game, The Citation, D&D minus and the Skype account available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful moves to gmail.com Tim Robinson takes care of our social media. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Snotlick, Beevil Giraffes on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio agent Warren Clark. It was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heathen, Wright, Neelaw, Busty, Gamma, Delusions, Promises to Work Harder, or Another Drink. Next week until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club clothes.

When Greg Locke and his wife are together, she thinks about hipster David Cross exercising a demon to speed things up. She sure does. A significant percent of the crowd shots that we saw died of COVID. Greg Locke's coffee order still manages to be the worst thing about him. It's insane. I bet if we move to a decimal based time, seconds would be like a better amount of time. Like seconds are too damn long. Sorry. Ooh. Is there a decimal based time proposition? Yeah, yeah.

Where you'd have 10 hours each with a hundred minutes and a hundred seconds or something like that. I don't remember how it works out, but there's a, there's, and the second would be just, it would be quicker. It would be like a, you know, instead of one Mississippi, it would be like, you know, fucking. One miss or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

It's really like I was like desperately trying to come up with a two syllable state and couldn't even though I live in one. Yeah, yeah. Just everyone I came up with is like, well, God damn it. That's not right either. Oh, that's a great question. This is going to fuck up playground football so bad. What the hell?

Heath, use your autism. What is how long is a second if it's decimal time? Do it now. Go. Demon of distraction, I rebuke you. Now let's do the show. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2024, all rights reserved.