God Awful Movies - 463: The ReAwaken America Tour Documentary

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

This week, Cara joins us for a crash course in some of the dumbest conspiracies to come out of the pandemic. --- Check out more from Cara on the Talk Nerdy podcast --- Get your tickets to see Gam Live in Boston: https://www.crystalballroomboston.com/events/god-awful-movies/ If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

I hate to say, he literally goes, I'm a guy, so I hate to say I'm crying. I'm just going to slide some fragile masculinity in there. It's just the worst, it's the checklist. The one thing that was left on the fucking checklist was fragile masculinity. Yeah. I was establishing dominance with the crying, actually. You guys say? I had locked eyes.

Technically manly, if you think about it. More manly. The mic tears were so big, I had the biggest. Took a cold plunge. God-awful movies. Movies. Movies. Movies. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. We're doing Clay Clark. I'm so

almost just hid that picture all over the notes for you. I should have. I almost did that too for me. Yeah. But I only put one as you can see, I only put one. The restraint is actually fucking incredible. That's my one and I used it. There you go. And Eli is off this week, but we're excited to welcome back our favorite guest masochist, host of the Talk Nerdy podcast and bonafide famous person, Kara Santa Maria. Kara, welcome back. Oh, what is this? OK. OK, we'll get there. Yeah. And we're going to stay there for like an hour and a half, two hours.

Kara hated this one so much that she like circled back to energy from this. She's ready to go talk about it. I hate this guy so fucking. All right. Let's it. I hate this guy so fucking much. Alright, let's talk about the movie. I'm so confused. Okay. Yeah. So tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Reawaken America Tour documentary. Watch it tonight for free at time2freeamerica.com and time2freeamerica.com slash watch the reawakening documentary. My computer asking if I should really be on rumble. It was the title. Seriously, it's only on rumble.

This movie is nowhere else. It's the origin story of Clay Clark and reawaken America is homicidal misinformation themed festival group. Yep. It's liar festival. The movie. Like fire and Kara. how bad was this movie? Well, if you like words, any words, words like COVID and Jesus and King and Israel and Fauci and Nation and Flag,

in any order, really doesn't matter. You will love this movie. Oh my God. And we had to watch this on Rumble. Rumble, oh God, let me just say, I'm glad I watched it the day before the debate instead of the day after. Oh, I watched it the day after.

Because I couldn't watch it the day of, I was literally too triggered. Yeah, I get it. I get it. All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, yeah. Best worst dead air. We'll get there. It's so good. You're talking about at the ending?

It's so long. It's so long. Yeah, it's honestly, it's like 40 goddamn seconds of dead air. So, okay, I was going to go with best worst ads for stupid people. So I only got ads at the beginning of this video and I was disappointed because I wanted ad breaks constantly. The ads were so dumb. They were so clearly for people who had self-selected for stupidity.

The first ad was for a bucket of water with a fan that was sold as the air conditioner they don't want you to know about. They actually used those words. And then the other was a dongle that you can plug into your phone to protect you from the 5G. That's way too many G. Seriously, an anti-woke fan is one of the products you got advertised. Wow. You hook it up to your gas stove for spice.

Yeah, right. Those are illegal now. No, they're not. Okay. I was going to go with worst, worst main character. Oh, God. Oh, he's awful. Clay Clark.

And I've put a picture of Clay Clark. His headshot. This is his headshot that he chose for his website. He's doing the like Mr. Burns. He's doing the finger steeple. A finger steeple Mr. Burns face. And he looks like he doesn't even look like the main villain, right? He looks like the guy that built the main villain

that the main villain is going to crush for being too whiny at the beginning of Act Three. He looks like the main villain's lawyer. Yes. He's the guy that main villain is like, Clay. And Clay has to walk in from the other room and like do something for the main villain. Yeah. Right. Right. The movie. The movie is just a giant checklist of every terrible thing.

A person like if I was writing a sketch about the most terrible person, it's just a list of things that Clay Clark brags about yes in his story in this movie that he made From beginning to end it's really kind of amazing in that way and to be clear it does it completely Incoherently yeah, no absolutely absolutely I wrote my notes at one point. This is plot vomit I just cannot piece anything together with anything else. If we used software to just shuffle the movie, like random minutes shuffled with other random minutes, it would be like half the time more coherent, half the time less, something like

that? That's why I said, if you like words. Any words. This movie has words. Any old order. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, we have to retrofit some kind of plot onto this thing on the other side of the break. So we're going to prepare for that Herculean task. And while we do that, we'll take a quick break for our word from our sponsor. Hey, Heath. Have you seen the flamethrower? No, it's probably in Eli's room, though.

He never puts it back on the rack. Also, why? Well, my earbuds had an illogical way of using one of their features, so I'm burning them in a pyre to erase them from existence. Noah, what did the cardiologist say about Dementio Memoriae? Well, okay, so he did say to stop doing it. He did say that. But then my latest blood work came back really good, so he said I could do them again as

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I'm a big fan of the blush violet, which you don't usually see on earbuds. Pretty sweet. I was already a big fan, and then Raycon sent me a pair of new ones last month. And I'm even more of a big fan. Highly, highly recommend. And there's no better time than right now with the new upgraded model. They even have a 30 day happiness guarantee. All right. I'm sold. Where do I go? Go to buy Raycon dot com slash gam today to get 15 percent off your Raycon order plus free shipping. That's right. You'll get 15 percent off and free shipping at buy Raycon dot com slash gam today to get 15% off your Raycon order plus free shipping.

That's right. You'll get 15% off and free shipping at buy Raycon dot com slash gam. That's buy Raycon dot com slash G A M. Thanks Heath. No problem. So who's next on the, uh, the nausea list? Nobody. Really?

Just keeping it chill. Really? Like, like the. Nobody. Really? Just keeping it chill. Really? Like the doctor said. Really? Because there's a schematic of Clay Clark's headquarters in the garage with a red X that says Ambush Point right next to it. Well yeah, but chill Ambush.

Totally, yeah, chill. Cool. Hey guys! Working hard or hardly working? Oh, hello Mr. Clark. I'm Terry. I'm Tony. Good to meet you. You guys didn't laugh at my opening joke. That's probably... You probably don't get it.

It's pretty clever. Oh, did you? It's a joke. So, okay. So, anyway, so welcome to the first ever Writers Room meeting for the official Reawaken American Tour documentary. I am assuming you guys already saw my outline, right? Yeah. You know, to be honest, we're not really sure what you expect from us. Come again? Well, normally with a documentary like this, you're interviewing people and then using clips from the interviews to establish your point.

Right. There's writing to be done, to be sure, but at this stage of the process, I'm not sure what we'd really do. Oh, compliments. I'm not sure what we'd really do. Oh, compliments. I'm sorry? Yeah. So look, a full 70% of this movie is just going to consist of people staring right into the camera talking about how swell a guy I am, how smart, how creative, how,

well, I just, I don't know. That's why I hired you. Okay. Let me get this straight. So you want us to write compliments for other people to say about you, to you, in your own documentary about yourself? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Uh huh. Okay, wow.

That was right. Okay, so what attributes would you like us to focus on? Oh, all of, I have all the attributes. Any of them is fine. That makes no sense. You can't have like... So let's hear them. Come on, you guys are professional writers. I'm sorry. Just to be clear, you want us to just start complimenting you. Well, yeah, you know, just try a few out. Okay. You taper nicely.

Sure. Yeah, taper. And your teeth right there are very prominent. Come on, guys, you can do better than that, right? Okay, also you read a lot of books, maybe? Yeah, sure, yeah. You read really fast? Oh, I love it. I love it. More, more. You take a lot of notes? Yes love it. I love it more more. You take a lot of notes. Yes, yes, that's it more. And you're the chosen one. God is anointed to reclaim the might of the American juggernaut.

Dude. Sorry. I got carried away. I don't think you did, Tony. I don't think you did. Mwah. Beautiful. I kissed him. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a C.S. Lewis quote that basically says education is overrated.

We don't need that stuff. Not a good start with the C.S. Lewis quote. Yeah. The quote is actually most people don't need to be taught. They only need to be reminded. What does that mean? Reminded? Jesus is already in you?

Yeah, right. God has already put the truth in there about fucking quantum physics or whatever. Everybody already knows that Hillary Clinton was eating children. Right. Yeah, you say. That doesn't exist. Let me just remind you. Yeah. So and we're going to open this with, and this is actually a really good introduction to this movie and literally nothing else in the world.

We start with these entirely theme-less series of clips. Okay. What's with the coffee beans and the cornflakes? Okay. At one point, it's a fork being dipped in water. It was a fucking SAT analogy question gone insane, right? I was like, it's like cornflakes, coffee grounds, fork, birds, et cetera.

And you're like, what? Winter soldier. So now you got a winter soldier. Relax. But interspersed with the coffee grounds and the cornflakes and whatnot, there's some clips related to COVID, like the early outbreak of Covid. Yeah. And then like two seconds later, clips about the voter fraud.

So like already we're we're in minute two of the movie and they're already doing that. Like also fucking voter fraud is what I'm mad about at the bar for the morning. It's the worst. Right. Right. And I had no context. I didn't know who this Clay Clark guy was. I didn't know anything about reawaken America, the great reset or whatever he calls it. But two minutes into this movie with this weird montage of unrelated clips, I was like,

oh, so this is a conspiracy theory doc. Yeah. It's pretty clear at this point. It's sort of a meta conspiracy. He runs a conspiracy theory doc. Yeah, sure. It's pretty clear at this point. It's sort of a meta. He runs a conspiracy theory touring carnival. That's his job. Yes. And then we get the funniest goddamn title I've ever seen.

All right. So it comes up and it's like reawakening America, but they're trying to spell it with digital clock face. They fail because there's no way to do a K or a W. But in so doing, they've made the alternating lowercase, uppercase font that has become internet shorthand for sarcastic dumb guy rants. Yeah, they're doing a sarcastic title card for their own movie by accident.

It's the best. Ah, I just, I laughed for so fucking long when I saw this. I'm like, how do they not know? We're doing a real awakening America to it. Okay, are you cuz that's the name of your thing? Serious so yeah, so we get that and then we get an alarm clock going off at 3 a.m We're gonna meet Clay Clark who gets up at 3 o'clock every morning to make sure everybody knows that Jesus is in charge. Yeah, that's not healthy, you know, that's like when I have a patient who says I get up at three every morning Like there's usually pathology going on. Yeah. Well, I would have to imagine there is here. Yeah Yes, I would say good evidence of that would be he puts on a Jesus is King hoodie immediately.

What else? And... What else? A fucking trucker hat that says, make America boom again. What does that mean? I don't even know what conspiracy thing he's going... Boom? Is Mabah a thing?

I don't know. Does he thing he's going. Boom. Is that Mabah? Is Mabah a thing? I don't know. Does he mean like we need more bombs? I just, it's just, I'm sure it's just that he thought Make America Great Again wasn't douchebaggy enough. And so he went to the next douchebaggier thing that he could think of. Hey, what does he do next then? When he walks into what's on the front of his studio to add to that list.

Oh, it was a fucking blue lives matter flag. Yeah, blue lives matter flag. Sure was. Yeah. And he walks into his own studio and inside his studio is a quote that he said as an inspirational quote on the wall. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

It says, half of what separates successful entrepreneurs from unsuccessful ones is pure perseverance. Clay Clark, that's me. Oh my God. So to be clear, perseverance is half of this. So perseverance that's been stepped on is the key to entrepreneurship. Right, knowing is the other half of the battle,

he thought. Also, if you're doing badly as an entrepreneur and then you persevere, now you've lost more money. I just want to point that out too. Makes no fucking sense, it's a non-statement. The movie is just so weird, like it opens, like you said, with the alarm, him getting out of bed at three, the music,

he puts on the hoodie. I thought he was going to go to a boxing gym. Yeah. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. But he's going to crack raw eggs and eat them out of... Yeah, but he doesn't. He sits down at a computer. Yes, exactly. That's what happens in the movie.

That's so exciting. And then we get his opening brag, and this is so fucking sad and pathetic. He's trying to explain to us that he's a business guy. He's always been a business guy. So he starts telling us about how when he was in elementary school, he used to sell gum to the other students. Yep. And then when they made him stop doing that, he would sell dubbed cassettes of Milly Vanilli.

God. He talks about this for like 10 minutes. It goes on for so long. Can you imagine making a movie about yourself and being like, how do I start my braggy origin story? I was a gum magnate in fucking school. Just and and I sold black. He had to find the douchiest possible music from the era. Even it's so fucking funny because and isn't this the perfect fucking encapsulation of the libertarian mindset? Both of those businesses are, my mom gave

me money so I had money, right? Because like you had, you would have to have like exactly blank tapes that you could sell, that you could just keep like re-upping. You'd have to have gum. You could keep re-upping or whatever. Like that's not a thing that poor kids had. So this is just his dumbass thinking that his allowance was, you know, him working hard. Yep. And working smart. You'd also have to be a fan of Milli Vanilli.

Yep. The band that famously got caught lip syncing and not being the actual vocalists. Yep. Unbelievable. So yeah, so he tells us about how he was the less cool version of a drug dealer. But then he starts telling us his story. You know how like some people have that story of the one time in the big game when they scored the winning touchdown or whatever.

He has the saddest, most pathetic fucking version of that about the time he rocked it as the school DJ at the dance. It's so weird. Like it's a farce, right? Like I'm watching this and I'm like, cause at this point I don't know who this guy is and I don't know what's happening. I have none of the context that you or your listeners have.

Yeah, right, right. And so I'm like, this is a joke, right? And also, by the way, this is me being such a psychologist. I'm watching his mannerisms. I'm doing a mental status exam on this man. Nice. That must've been fun. He is speaking.

Like the style in which he speaks is something that we call pressured speech. He talks very fast and like kind of panicky. And it's usually indicative of mania, you know, like a manic episode in a bipolar disorder or like ADHD maybe, or even positive psychotic symptoms. But he does not seem like a person who is actively aware or has insight.

I thought you were gonna say good. He doesn't seem like a person who's good. None of these things are necessarily bad. A lot of people deal with mental illness, but he clearly doesn't, he's not working on it. You know what I mean? Right. No, no. He's leaning into it. like he's clearly doesn't, he's not working on it. You know what I mean? No, no. Like he's like leaning into it.

Does he remind you of anybody, anybody like big right now in American politics? Don't remind me. The it's still in my mind. Yeah, we're supposed to be doing comedy, man. We can't think about that. I'm very trapped. Yeah. Okay.

So, and then like just as Kara's going, who the fuck is this loser ass guy who's telling us about that time? He rocked the high school dance and doing it very fast and very fast Interrupted and well, that's the other thing too, right? It's a bullshit story It's the saddest fucking story, but he's also obviously lying because she's like and then I told the school All right I'll just take 70% of the cut of the door and And I'm like, no, the fuck they can't. They wouldn't. What are you talking about? None of this. No.

The door at a high school dance? Oh, that big moneymaker, prom. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, but then we learn how we met his wife as though this wasn't already boring enough and they also have a boring we met at college fucking story. Right. Like, Jesus, it makes something up. Yeah, at this point I put, is this a wedding video?

I don't know what I'm watching yet. Because it's like, she's like, well, and then we had a mobile entertainment. I don't care. What is this? This is, I love the introduction too, because she goes like, you know, she's really smart. And then we cut immediately to her saying the dumbest possible thing about God having a plan. I mean, maybe she's really smart, but that ain't the clip to show it to us.

And then they immediately say we ran a DJ business. And I was like, Oh my God, it's actually a terrible person checklist. It's like, yeah, no, right. But the but the DJ business was doing so good that they stopped doing it because it was doing too much business. Honestly, it was too big. I did that hug thing once where I put, you know, cross my arms too far and then I tilted my body.

People were like, wow, that's gross. And we had to stop. It was a hate crime, technically. So then, but then they started their business consulting firm called Make Your Life Epic or Mile. But with a Y because it's cool. No. So, yes, he became a fucking life coach. And then the movie shows us what might as well be his yarn and pushpins board.

Right. They do that several times. Well, I'm talking about the whiteboard with all the insane number of arrows all pointing to him. Yeah, there's another one later. Yes, there is. It's a map of the U.S. Yeah. It's like full of beautiful mind, and they're not even hiding it. Nope. And he has his clients from his bullshit, like business to business thing, consulting company. One of the clients is like, this guy sees patterns like a genius. And they show us the stupid whiteboard and it's just a map of the US, a bunch of dumb ideas with arrows all pointing towards the coast of the US

from all different directions and Clay Clark's stupid face drawn in the middle of the United States. That's it. That's the pattern we can see. It's fucking amazing. Again, these are the clips that we would have chosen if we were making fun of the dude. Yeah. And Clay Clark actually never told this guy, this client, to stop wearing the American flag blazer that he will never take off. Oh, it's the greatest thing I've ever seen. If you see patterns, maybe mention that. It's like they showed up for the interview because it's a guy in the American flag blazer

next to another guy with like the costume, right? It's like the regular blazer with like some sort of angry rant t-shirt underneath it. And they're supposed to be clients of his that he's like made websites for. It's so odd. And they're sitting there and they're like, he is the smartest guy I've ever met.

He has guided me on my journey. And you're like, really? They decided that this was a good look for him. Yes. Sure did. This was by choice. They showed up and he goes, man, y'all look cool. You're going to make me look good in this documentary.

Well, and he's standing there. The point that they're making here is, well, you know, he's my life coach, make sure I don't like do dumb stuff that would make me look stupid. He's standing in there in the star spangled blazer the whole fucking time. He makes sure I make good life decisions. These guys, they look like an outtake from Shark Tank.

Like the worst possible thing that ever happened. Yes, yeah. And they're supposed to be his testimonial Outtake from Shark Tank like the worst possible thing that ever happened testimonial about his amazing consulting and then oh we have this other great pathetic moment because what he wants here what he envisioned was this then Then there'll be this big montage of all the news clips about me But there's legitimately only one news clip about him ever legitimately only one news clip about him ever. So we see that and like the second one, the headline is just Tulsa program thrives on veterans. And like there's a picture of him there somewhere.

Yeah, he's bragging now about the feature in the greater Tulsa reporter about his DJ company. Yes, I was really blowing up. Let me tell you, I was in the Tulsa grader room. That he probably paid for because it was probably actually an ad.

And then he forces the camera guy to show off silver and gold records on his wall in the studio for podcast downloads, not silver and gold records at all. That's not a thing.

You just bought those, man. You're allowed to- Yeah, he had those made. Well, and then they pan over all those awards, but they do it quickly, so you can't see that it's the same award being given to him year after year, almost certainly by himself, right?

It's like we're panning over the shelf of all the skeptic of the year awards Marsh has given himself or something. Yeah. It's like fourth place regional volleyball. They go all the way down to 12th place actually. He was in 40 for 40, but they fly past it because I was like, oh, no way. Fortune magazine 40 under 40.

No way. No, it's from Oklahoma magazine. Tulsa. So yeah. And so, but yeah, but then eventually his business got so big that he just had to start a podcast. Now look, I'm not going to shit on starting a podcast. I was the three of us all are, you know, have been here or whatever, but it's not like the culmination of something that's going great. Right? So I'm going to say, usually I'll freely admit I'm going to start a podcast. It's kind of sad. It's a sad moment. Yeah. Yeah. Just be honest.

The backstory to everybody who started a podcast is something worse. So like, just be honest. Mine definitely was. You're so right. Yeah. Yeah. It's always sad. Right. So, okay. So then we get this montage of him starting his podcast. And again, it's so hilariously pathetic because he's trying to throw out this like, Oh, look at all these famous people that I interviewed. But like, he starts with Wolfgang Pock, right? Which I'm like, okay, well,

I've heard of him. I don't know why you'd be interviewing him. And then everyone else on his list, I didn't know who they were. He would even say, you know, oh, such and such, such and such, this guy or whatever. And I'm like, I still you just told me who he was and I still don't know who that guy is. Also, who is Clay Clarke? Long name dropping list. I knew the first one Wolfgang. Yeah, that was strong.

And most of them were basketball guys. You know, basketball, at least a little bit. And you didn't most of them were basketball guys. You know basketball at least a little bit and you didn't even recognize. That's amazing. Also, just in case our checklist wasn't getting filled out enough, there's a clip of him talking on speakerphone in public. And I was like, did you choose these clips? Are you kidding me?

This has to be satire. It's not. Somehow it isn't. All right, so Kara, I'm curious. When he was doing his list, you're doing your documentary about your podcast. Who leads off your list of like, I've even interviewed, dot, dot, dot, who leads off your list.

Oh God, I don't know. There's so many good people. Who's your favorite of your children? Eli Bosnick. Eli Bosnick. But also if you're a nerd you would be like whoa but if you're not a nerd you might not. Like even just this week I interviewed Katie Coleman like you know the astronaut. She was in space. That's pretty fucking cool. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. I don't know. Lots of good people. I interviewed the guy who discovered Lucy. Oh nice.

Astralopithecus. Yeah. That's very cool. So I haven't interviewed Wolfgang who discovered Lucy. Oh, nice. Oh, really? Astralopithecus, yeah. That's very cool. So, I haven't interviewed Wolfgang Puck, though. Well, you know, you're no Clay Clark. Yeah, mostly because why? Can I say at this point, too, I've realized at this point that this film has really high production value. And it's annoying.

It does. It does. It's weird. Like, this movie looks glossy glossy and expensive but the content is so shit and I want to know how he funded this thing. I'm sure it was a GoFundMe thing, right? Like make a documentary, help us make the documentary to tell it. It's not quite GoFundMe, it's give send go. Oh right, yes. Which is the fascist GoFundMe for Christians. Yes. That's right, idiot. That's seriously the business model of the thing he used to fund this.

Yes. So, but then, but he explains that on his business podcast, they never talked about religion or politics as a rule. That was about to change. That was the point he was making. I was so confused. He was like, we don't talk about God in politics. Except right now. Which is all we're going to talk about from this point on.

For the rest of a documentary that we're in right now. Also, they did this thing in the documentary. I know that this is like nitpicking. It's just, I don't know. I'm not a professional editor. I've never been a professional editor. But when I used to work in television, I was a producer, and I was a journalist, and I sat in the edit bay a lot.

And there's this thing that they do where, oh my God, it makes me crazy. Where somebody is talking, like the audio, just the audio, right? Is a person talking and then they show footage of that same person from another time that they're talking. Not saying those fucking words. I can't stand it.

It makes me crazy. Non-diegetic talking from the person that's in the... What are you doing? Like editing 101, don't show lip flap while you're using their voice. Oh my God. It gives me... Okay, sorry. Got that out of my system. So yeah, but then we get COVID sneaking up, right? No, then take a turn.

Yeah, right. And we learn about this with a clip we take a turn. Yeah, right. And we learn about this with a clip of Nancy Pelosi, which is, of course, because literally everyone else in charge of anything when COVID broke out was a Republican. Right? So they had to show Nancy Pelosi. So they showed Nancy Pelosi. And this is like early on when like there was nothing to be worried about.

And it's Nancy Pelosi just saying there's nothing to be worried about because there wasn't then. Yeah. And we didn't Pelosi to saying there's nothing to be worried about because there wasn't to then. Yeah. And we didn't, we didn't know anything yet. It wasn't here yet. And then what a weird way for them to talk about the start of COVID. It's like a local basketball game. Right. Like of all the things that happened that let us know that COVID had really hit, the one they focus on is that an Oklahoma City Thunder game got postponed. Regular season relax.

Yeah. Jesus. It was weird. Yeah, but when the fucking Oklahoma City Thunder ain't playing, you know shit's going down, I guess. Yeah. And so now he starts being like, I know things that other people don't know. And I'm asking the question, how? Who are you? You went to oral Robert University. You don't even know the stuff that we do know. He is a former SBA Young Entrepreneur of the Year, Kara. He has a plaque.

A 40 under 40. He has a plaque. How dare you? Well, and then of course he goes like, you know, COVID broke out and all my clients were like, hey, you know, if we try to save lives here, that could really hurt my bottom line. Can't have that. Which is at least as close as anything could be said to be the plot of the movie. the plot of the move, right? That like, man, this like trying to keep people from dying from COVID sure hurt a lot of middle class

and upper class white people who wanted more money. Yeah. And this is when his wife, Vanessa tells us, so Clay started doing his own research. And I was like, yikes, okay. And that research was about why we have all this COVID safety stuff going on. And I was like, was it, was. And that research was about why we have all this COVID safety stuff going on. And I was like, was it was a COVID maybe?

Was that probably the reason? Yeah, right. COVID global pandemic. Well, yeah. And again, in another one of those, if we'd made the fucking documentary moments, she goes, well, he started to do a lot of research and we literally caught to video of him Googling. Yeah. His Google search bar is showing up across the fucking, I'm sorry, he's binging.

He's binging. He's actually binging. Checklist. Like he's doing this on purpose. All for this thing. It's ridiculous. But yeah, everybody who ever says I do my own research, they're not like taking out beakers and doing science.

They're going on fucking Google. They're going on Bing. And typing in what is happening in Wuhan is what he Googles here. They're not like taking out beakers and doing science What is happening in Wuhan is what he googles here Yes And I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna see what happens for me and in order for him to get to whatever he got to He would have to scroll past like 19 real news sources and then finally be like news news news Jones there. Yeah, right. Alex Jones. There it is. Yeah.

He knows. Exactly. So he presents some video that shows that maybe the Chinese government isn't being entirely honest about coronavirus. I'm like, yeah, man, that's way to dig through the bullshit, Clay. Right. Well done. Controversial opinion there.

Yeah. And then he does this. And this is he's going to do this over and over again in this movie. And I didn't realize until we were talking before the record how bad this was for Kara, who has no context of who this guy is, but he'll constantly throw out the first half of the conspiracy theory. And we the audience are just supposed to go, Oh, yeah, Neil Ferguson, we sure know who that is and what you're talking about.

Right? So confusing. He'll be like, here's a guy who said a thing. Therefore, eh, eh, you know what I'm talking about. No, no, therefore, just moving on. Just. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah.

You didn't make a single claim in this movie. What do you think therefore means, Clay? Yeah. So yeah, but they talk about this guy, Neil Ferguson, who was a researcher in the UK who was doing legitimate, like epidemiological research. Yeah, it seems to me that he put out like a sort of a best case scenario and worst case scenario modeling model. Yeah.

And they were like, well, that worst case model was wrong. Yeah, he points to two times that he modeled a pandemic and said, you know, on the worst end, this is what would happen if we did nothing to prevent it. And then he's like, well, that didn't happen. So that guy's a crank. But that's if you put that out as a scientist, you're saying this scenario is probably not going to happen. That's the correct thing you said. Right. So stupid. You're doing it so that that thing won't happen. And then well, and then he Googles like who funds this guy. And it turns that that thing won't happen. And then well, and then he Googles like, who funds this guy?

And it turns out that the epidemiologist is funded by Big Pharma. No way. By one or two big pharma companies among like 40 or 50 other funding sources. There's 900 fucking things funding him. And then they scroll way down and they're like Pfizer. Yeah. And he's funded by the British government too. That's what's happening. Right.

Yeah, exactly. He's a university researcher in the UK. Yeah. But we follow fucking Clay's Google rabbit hole a little bit further and he comes across that dude that discovered the polymerase chain reaction. Oh yeah, the PCR guy. I am so confused by this whole piece. They spend a lot of time describing what PCR is for no reason.

No reason at all. Because they never use any of that information. So do you want me to try to pull the yarn for you for a second, Karen? Tell me if I'm wrong, but what I understand is that that dude is a crank who believes that Fauci is evil and he's fully a conspiracy theorist. So they're just quoting him. But instead of actually quoting all of his conspiracy theories, they quote him talking about polymerase chain reactions.

And you're like, why are we talking about this? Yeah. Great question. Great question, Kara. So there's a type of polymerase. It's an enzyme called luciferase in vaccines luciferase so Clay Clark heard about luciferase and thought it was lucifer hiding in plain sight he thinks he did he did he seriously thinks it's a demonic cryptocurrency biotech thing no to give us all the mark of the beast. Seriously, he actually thinks that he actually believes this.

He's public. He thinks Bill Gates and Jeffrey Epstein teamed up to create a new race of human beings by combining Lucifer race, Lucifer race with Jeffrey Epstein's DNA and putting that in the vaccine. That's his theory. But, but actually, I'm just looking into this. Luciferase is a type of, right, like luciferin protein. They're in a group and the naming convention means... The name came from the 1800s, a French chemist.

Yeah, and it means light bearer. Right. That's what Lucifer means.. Yeah, and it means light bearer. Right. That's what Lucifer means. That's what the word means, Lucifer. Well, yeah, and these molecules, these enzymes produce bioluminescence. Yeah. That's why it's named that. Yeah.

Light bearers. And they're used in research because of that, right? Because you can make these light up later. Yeah, it's really helpful. It's the perfect crime by Lucifer. So now, the impression I got got because this is all like everything that Heath said is documented shit that is part of the conspiracy that Clay Clark has promoted. But what I think he was doing

when he was explaining PCR, because of course, what PCR does is it'll take a small amount of something in a genetic sample or whatever, and it'll amplify it so that you can have a measurable amount. But they're explaining that in such a way as to make you think that when they're doing this test, they're actually amplifying the amount of virus that's inside of you. Yeah, he's talking about the process of PCR, which is used in every aspect of biotechnology now.

Sure. And he then makes this weird leap to, so when you take a COVID test, it's PCR-ing your COVID to make you think you're really sick. To make more COVID. Yes, right. And it's like, wait, what? So then we watch Anthony Fauci lie to us about hydroxychloroquine for a while. He lied to us very truthfully.

He did. He did. He's like, no, it does not fucking work. Yeah, that's it. That's the clip. Somebody's like, is there any evidence for that, a hydroxylorquine? And he's like, no. Yep. And the movie's trying to say that's a good thing.

There's not though. Now we have more data. There's not. Yeah. There's not any evidence for that. Yeah. I literally wrote, God, I loved Fauci. I miss him. That is one thing that this movie does.

It doesn't make any points and I have no idea what's going on ever, but a handful of people who I really love, he puts on the screen to shit all over them, but they're all saying like legitimate things. And I'm like, Oh, I remember those. So then we hear from his wife again, and I love this bit so much because she's going like, well, you know, it was at that point that his podcast switched to being about a totally different subject entirely. And I'm like, yeah, no, a lot of super successful podcasts do that.

Completely change what they're about. It's a normal transfer from business tips to epidemiology. That's what he did. Puzzle and the Thunderstorm is now a space travel company. We are the new SpaceX. What are you talking about? Also, and this is just this was like it was there to trigger me. Clay Clark's microphone discipline is terrible.

He makes out. He like finger fucks his microphone the whole time he's on it. Morgan would sneak glass shards into my food if I did that kind of shit. You don't hold the sides of your microphone. Why would you touch your microphone, you fucking idiot? You're on the air. He was actually a DJ, so he has some experience with this. Yeah, right.

I feel like you're shooting on his knowledge constantly. Is this the point in the film, film, I say that with air quotes, where he holds up a Fauci gnome to the screen during his podcast? Sure does. And does a bit, but it's like a five minute Fauci-dip. It's so long.

So long. You just could see him in the editing fucking room going like, oh God, we gotta keep all of this, right guys? This is just gold. This is all gold. You can just see the camera people just drooping down, being like, oh my God, we let him do his Fauci for a while. That's what it says to him.

And then he's like, Vanessa, where's my Fauci for a while. That's what it says. And he's like, Vanessa, where's my Fauci gnome? And he has a gnome of Fauci and he does voice. It's the worst. And the person on the other end is like, haha, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah, they had to add a split screen because Vanessa, his wife is right next to him and he's like,

you're not laughing enough. We're going gonna put in somebody who reacted to my japes and they're awesome. Somebody who gets me. She's literally like, I've seen it. Yeah, I know you did this earlier. You did this when we make love. It comes back around, it comes back around.

This is every morning, man. Every morning. Oh, and at this point, he's really mad. I mean, there's a handful of times where he makes coherent, not legitimate, but coherent claims and arguments, where I'm like, ooh, I can respond to that because I actually understand what I think you're trying to say. And he's really mad that at the beginning,

when we first developed these COVID tests, that they said in the literature, you may have a false positive if you are already infected with another coronavirus. Right. Right. And he's like, oh, so if I have the common cold, I'll get a positive COVID test. This is all fake. Yeah. Well, he's presenting this as like, as though that's why the numbers were so high, right? Like as though we were using those numbers of people who got those tests and saying, yep, that's how many COVID cases there were. Right. Because those tests

had a microchip. I do not understand. And also, I just I love when people who know nothing about science get mad at science when science isn't perfect. It's the weirdest double standard. Right. It's like they don't believe or trust in anything about science. But then when the science is 99 percent accurate, they're like, one percent. Yeah, exactly.

You should have been 100. And then science goes and does science and gets that 99 to 100 and they still complaining. And then they're like, they can't even make up their minds. Yeah, right. What percent it is. I also, I love that in his stupid fucking fiction that he's telling, he's like, you know, and I was really the only one speaking out about this. I was the only one talking about the thing that the eight million other hack right wing podcasters

couldn't shut the fuck up about. That was me, I invented COVID denialism. I denied COVID on vinyl, actually, when I was a DJ. I was a DJ, it's a warmer sound for the homicidal misinformation. Yeah, yeah. Well, and then his wife's like, you know, and people just couldn't get enough of it, but then they started to take all of his information down. The man was on

to him. Oh my God. Yeah, he was he was homicidally lying to people. All right. Well, it looks like Clay is getting stonewalled by the deep state. Will he ever get the truth out? Well, you're going to have to wait to find out until after the break. Hey, podcast listener. Do you like God, awful movies? Do you like physical comedy?

Do you like watching Heath drink? Then come to God-awful Movies live in Boston! That was a tea party. We'll be breaking down a terrible movie on Saturday, September 7th at the Crystal Ballroom. And if you really want to live the high life, get VIP tickets and hang out with the cast after the show. Or really live it up And get platinum night tickets and enjoy a night of fun food booze and board games the night before the show That was a board game so hurry to God awful movies live.com and get your tickets now and see us live in a city

known for its beans. That was supposed to be a fart sound but Morgan is a chicken. Don't try to save it now Morgan, the moment has passed. Hey guys, working hard or hardly working. Oh, hello, Mr. Clark. Mr. Clark, thanks for coming in. Yeah, you probably missed my hilarious introduction. That's okay.

I use that joke a lot. You get another crack at it. So, so first of all, thanks for, you know what? First of all, coffee. Am I right? I'm gonna pour me a cup. Am I right? Am I right?

This guy knows. Am I right? I'm sorry. Did you want me to answer that? Am I right? Am I right? This guy knows. Am I right? I'm sorry. Did you want me to answer that? You know, it doesn't matter. You know, the moment's gone. Now, anyway, so thanks for hiring me as your business consultant. I just, I know you have a lot of choices when it comes to consultants, and I just want to congratulate you on making the right one. Right. Well, you know, we haven't actually hired you yet. We're just here.

Oh, you've hired me yet. You just don't know it. So tell me about your firm a little bit. Okay. Well, we're in shipping and... Oh, you're talking. That's really cute and all, but I'd like to hear from the boss man, if you don't mind, this guy. I'm the boss. Mr. Maddox here is my assistant. Oh. Are you sure? Yes. I'm the boss. Mr. Maddox here is my assistant. Oh. Are you sure? Yes.

I'm quite sure. Oh, that's weird. Great. Okay. So yeah, I think I got a sense of what you guys do and everything. And I've just got three words for you. Are you ready for my words? Am I supposed to answer that?

You know, it's a moment is ruined again. Never mind. Here they are. Here are the words. Three words. Abiate your workflow. What is happening? What does that even mean? Oh shit, is that four words? Is workflow one word or two?

It's one. Alright, I nailed it. I nailed it. So what do you say? Am I hired? No. Does that mean I have to pay for all the doughnuts I ate? We didn't have donuts today. Well, these ones were in the trash. Then no. Awesome. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to rejoin the action with a quick montage of shots of how bad the pandemic was for businesses. It was very hard on business owners. You could not be more tone

deaf. They show the playground wrapped in caution tape. They didn't want the kids to get sick and die. It's a weird job that day for a cop to put up a tape on the playground and the cop that they showed did a really weird bad job it was like how do you wrap up playground police tape so it's just like weird knots around one little part like yeah it's kind of everywhere if I'm a kid I'm like working that into the game tag or whatever well that's probably what it is you got to use a lot of tape to keep the kids out yeah so and then we meet this sovereign citizen, Canadian, Polish Canadian guy. This is Pastor Archer Pawlowski. I can't with this guy.

He's so fucking awful. Oh my God. So we meet him when his rights to love Jesus are being impinged by a cop who won't let him gather a crowd on the streets. We basically, we learned this through his, am I being detained video? It's the best. And we hear him narrating it being like, the cop forced me to walk backwards because he got put in handcuffs and put in a cop car at one point. And the cops making him do that. And he just like turned around to give his martyrs rant as he was being arrested.

That's why he had to walk backwards. Right. No, like he refused to walk forward. So the cop made him walk backwards. He's like, yeah, but the way you were going didn't go towards his car, you dumbass. He would have been making you walk sideways if you had turned sideways. Right. Yeah. Right. He says at one point he's like, he threatened to do things to me.

That was so weird. And he's like, I was arrested for reading Psalms. No, you weren't. No, you weren't. You were arrested for violating the goddamn restriction on large gatherings. Yeah. You were a public health threat. Yes, exactly. And then we get the, because he's like, he's like, you know, they tried this same thing in the French Revolution and the Bolshevik Revolution and World War I and World War II and the argument I had with the cop, all basically the same, if you think about it.

And then we get the fourth funniest scene transition of all goddamn time Directly into newsreel of a bread line and communist Because this is just like communism also Nazism also Nazis and I know cuz I was raised in it when I was yeah six months old for four Yeah, right, right. How should we do this editing? Should we do like a like a jaunty wipe to the Nazi? Yeah, star wipe. Star of David. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. So, yeah, we star wiped to some World War Two footage.

And they're like, yep, it was just a covid lockdown. It's just like communism and Nazis. I'm like, who is in charge during that? They're like moving on. Oh, actually, no, sorry, they're in Canada, so I guess they don't have to move on from that. Yeah. Oh, is this when he claims that he got like recruited

by Canada to be there or whatever? He was like, yeah, Canada called me up and they were like, hey, it's Canada. You're the best pastor in the world, pastor rankings that we keep. Come here now and pastor. And he moved to Canada. You're not doing any good behind the iron curtain. Right. Right. Yeah.

So Canada, he didn't ask Canada. Canada asked him to ask him. And then weirdly, is this the point where he's like, and then also I was arrested like four more times. Yeah, like he keeps talking about how he's this martyr. And at one point he's like like the police came to tell me I can't feed the poor and I was like, oh what is he feeding? Okay, but the reality he's talking about 2005 when Canada in his words banned his church

But no, they were just arresting him for hate crimes he was doing big outdoor events without a permit. And also those events were hate crimes. And he got told not to do that. Yeah. And so he talks about that. And then and that's the funny fucking thing is just like, yeah, all this stuff that they did to try to bring me down.

And he tries to make you think that this is related to the covid lockdowns. But no, this was 2005. And then this bleeds straight into his sovereign citizen footage of him getting pulled over and arrested. It's what his like, I don't need no license plate to exercise my constitutional rights video. This was fun because yeah, the Canadian, wonderful, delightful Canadian cops pulled him over and he's like, you're on camera. And they're like, cool, cool. You're you're being arrested for ignoring a warrant. And we're going to do that now. Also, you know what?

We're arresting your hate crime buddy in the backseat. Thanks for making that easy. I was a freebie. Yeah. And we got both of you. And of course, they have to do the most dramatic possible thing. So they make the cops drag them to the car. Yeah. Right. And the cops are like, great. And he goes limp like a child getting a timeout make the cops drag them to the car. Yeah. Right? And the cops are like, great. And he goes limp like a child getting a time out from the cops.

Yeah. His legs dragging. And the cops are like, oh no, we have to drag you. We're very sad about that. We didn't want to do that. But yeah, and then the whole time that they're doing this, the whole time they're dragging him to the cop car, his buddy who's filming it is yelling all this weird shit about how like, what are you going to do when they come for your children? What are you talking about?

The cops are like, we're not doing anything to any children right now. Your kids are going to be next. Yeah. What are you talking about? This guy didn't show up. There's a warrant. He's a failure to appear. What do you want us to do? Yeah. They're going to put police tape on the slide area.

And then our tour cuts in to go like, you know, they started to implement all of these laws. And if you think about it, that's exactly how Hitler started. With laws. A lot of laws. And they showed Newsome and they talked about Hitler and it made me sad because I love Newsome. Yeah, right. I was like, that's my boy.

Right. So yeah, and then they get mask requirements and then they're like, and then they started to implement mask requirements and there might as well have been an orchestra sting or something. Yeah. Fascism masks. Then we cut very briefly to Jim Brewer in case anybody didn't know that he fucking sucked. Yeah, what was that? I thought maybe they were taking, I mean, I don't know much about him, but I thought maybe they were taking him out of context, but was that a routine about COVID? I think it is. He's terrible.

That was Jim Brewer, former SNL alum, who's become an alt-right comedian like Rob Schneider, and he's goose-stepping and doing his bit. It's so sad though The movie's trying to be like yeah, and now Jim Brewer's crushing it with his jokes about how bad this is He's at a comedy club in Lowell, Arkansas People in the background just being like is that goat boy do goat boy people in the background just being like, is that goat boy? Do goat boy, it's boring. Well, and also his joke is like, and they're like Nazis. And I'm like, oh, very clever.

You took the thing you didn't like and you compared it to Nazis. That's well, and that's why I was confused too, because they cut it in such a weird way that it's literally that's they show him goose-stepping and he's like, it's like the Nazis. And I'm like, what is what is like the Nazis? Right. Yeah. Moving on. It's so stupid. And then we beat this, this guy might be the dumbest guy in the whole documentary. This

like pseudo historian, William Federer. What is the point of any of that? This is where I really start to get angry that he makes a lot of not claims. I don't know what you would call it, he says things about history and there's no there for. Right. And there are also lies, right? Like he's not even going anywhere. It's so wrong.

Yeah. Right. But also what is the point he's trying to make? No, it's, this is just, this is just padding the movie. William Federer is a personified block quote in an essay by somebody who waited until the night before. You're so right. You're so right. He totally is. But yeah, he's gonna explain to us how the natural state of things is kings. That's the natural state of society. He's like, you

know, if you think about it, in any group a leader emerges. And I'm like, no, they don't. And he starts listing a bunch of groups, like in any group of friends. And I'm like, my group of friends doesn't have a fucking leader. What are you talking about? What kind of silly alpha male bullshit is this? Mike, our company doesn't even have a leader. We have brains, muscle, and wild card. We don't have a leader guy.

Yeah. Right. He says a king is a glorified gang leader. That's what he calls a king. Okay, Charles. What the fuck? Give me some symbols. glorified gang leader. That's what he calls a king. Okay, Charles, what a putt. Give me some symbols. And then he just gives us a history of the monarchy for no reason.

Right. Well, yeah. So what he's doing is he's going through all of these historical examples of times when monarchical governments, and I say all these examples. Yes, too. And it's the same government in both of them. Yeah. Yeah. But examples of where governments have put restrictions on the number of people that can gather together for fascist reasons, right?

Right, like he never closes the loop though. Right. So he talks a lot about how in medieval Europe, laws were passed to prevent freedom of assembly. Yeah. But then he never goes, also that's what's happening right now during COVID. Nope.

He just says that and then like moves on. Yeah. And he also, he does it in the wrong stupid fucking order, right? Cause he says it was the 1714 riot act, just like the COVID-19 lockdowns. And then his words, and then they passed the Conventical Act of 1664. Come on, man. It's not how that works. You just said 17...

You're having trouble with their fores and thens now. You've got to look those up. And he's like, and then they passed the... In 1665, they passed this thing. And I'm like, okay, well, at least the chronology is right. That is after 1664. I guess. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. The point is that like King Charles II, you know, the famous atheist was. Yes. Just like we are now. Yeah. But honestly, I thought to myself, like if we are actually trying to end religion by doing COVID, good work by the deep state, right? Like, that's not bad.

I mean, I feel like there's got to be a better way of going about it. But sure, I'm there. Their heads in the right place. You got to crack some eggs, man. Yep. Yep. So, OK. So then Artur does this bit where he's like, you know, the people always ask me, is the enemy coming? And I tell them the enemy is already there.

And just as we're going like, what are you even fucking talk about? He says, what's required for the darkness to creep in? And we're like, oh, he's still going. He says, is the absence of light? Yeah. And then because we now have the word light, that is an excuse to just fucking widen the margins of the essay and put in what? Two goddamn minutes of light. I felt like 20. Yeah. What happened here? Was somebody like, how does darkness work? Explain more. And then we get a lightologist to give us a visual aid about it and then give us a

speech with the word quantum in it. So I stopped listening. We look at a prism for literal minutes. Yeah. A still frame of a prism. And they teach us the electromagnetic spectrum for no reason. Well, okay. So this is Dennis Zetting. He is the author of the least promisingly titled

book of all time, The Quantum Case for God. He shows us the visible spectrum is his way of saying- He's quantum least trouble. Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. Right. So he's like, he shows us this, uh, the spectrum, he's supposed to show us this prism and this is his way of saying, see, maybe God is ultraviolet and that's why we can't see him. Right.

Or whatever. And then he's like, now there's a thing in physics called quantum electrodynamics. And I'm like, oh, this is, this ought to be good. He goes, this is where science has discovered omnipresence. Yeah, I don't think that's right. I didn't even catch on at that point. Like, I'm watching what looks like a TED talk of this guy being like, these are the things we've discovered and let me explain how an atom works and let me explain what an electron is and let me explain all this stuff. And

now I'm going to jump to the brain and let me explain a synapse and let me tell you how neuronal transmission works. And then he goes, so God is light. And I was like, wait, what? What did I miss? That's not any of those things that you talked about. It escalated really quick there, man. It did. And all of his explanations are insane.

He goes like, you know, okay, so within an atom, again, this is a quote, the electrons are spinning around, going up and down, looking for energy, life. What? Yeah, that's how the universe began. spinning around, going up and down, looking for energy, life. What? Yeah, that's how the universe began. Electrons were running around hunting for life. And then a photon is like, pssst, pssst, I need life, I got life, life, life, life. I got you shit right here, man.

So you should need a license to use the word quantum. My fucking god. Oh, seriously. These lectures with quantum in the title need hecklers and I would like to volunteer all of us for that job. There you go I'm down. Yeah, it just as you're going like man. That's not none of the things that you said are right He's like now. Let me explain neurology. I'm like no no, I'm not gonna let you do that Nope at one point doesn't he say the universe can't exist without Omnipresence taking place? Yes.

What does that mean? That's nothing. You can't have all without all-ness. That's what you just said. Right. There's nothing. Yes. We already knew that space was omnipresent. What the fuck are you talking about? And then- There is no universe without universeness. Right. Right.

That is exactly what he fucking says! And then we get to the conclusion is Charis that this is just out of the fucking blue. He says after all of this just random bullshit. He goes, so if the Bible is true, and I'm like, well, there's a big assumption you've just thrown in. He says, God is light. And I'm like, wait a minute. If the Bible is true, God's dude.

Yeah. I've read, wait a minute. If the Bible is true, God's dude. Yeah. I've read the Bible. Right. Yeah. He says, God is light, the light of light. And I was like, okay. Again, nothing. But also beyond that, even though we're like, okay, that was a leap. Okay. Where did that come? That was out of Lefille. Also, why? What is the point of saying that? Why is that in this movie? What does it have to do with anything? Yeah. What the fuck does this have to do with COVID or Clay Clark or the goddamn reawaken America? Great fucking question.

They spent 10 minutes. Kara, you're asking a therefore they're not going to be able to help you. God is light, therefore COVID is. Well, and then the movie like, Hearers Kara, right? Because the movie's like, right, right. We were talking about Clay, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Just had a fuck and just pulled a pie in there, didn't we?

So we shift gears back to Clay's Google research with this idiotic quote about how, yeah, God created everything, but evil doesn't count. That doesn't count. Also, why does his wife talk for like a really long time at this point about how he's an introvert? What the fuck does that have to do with any? I do love the way they introduce it, right?

Because she goes, just as they're putting up their idiotic quote and just as the word unknown comes up as they don't know who to attribute the quote to, they have her saying the words, Clay was a huge researcher. I'm like, well, yeah, not enough to figure out who said that. But yeah. The timing is so good. And then there's like 90 seconds of his wife talking about how witty he is and how introverted. And introverted.

But he knows how to turn it on and be witty and funny and awesome at a party and he has a very big penis. It's not big but it's like a good size. He got invited to all the party. He had the gum in high school. So he got invited to all that shit. Nobody bullied him or they wouldn't be able to get into gum. Actually his mom was invited, but he was allowed to go along with her. Yeah, right. His mom made him invite him. So yeah, so, but then after that we get him Googling some more and he Googles why is the house working on HR 666?

Oh God. He Googles that. I wanted Google so bad to be like because the last one was HR 665 man. Yeah, right. It's numerical man. Every year they every congress does that. This one is it's about immigration attorneys this time around, and it's your guys doing it. Follow-up question, why are you using Bing? That's weird. Well, it gets even dumber than that, right? Because this next one is about a Microsoft patent that has three non-consecutive sixes in it. So stupid. It ends in like 60606 or something. Yeah.

Is this supposed to be the microchip patent? Yeah, this is the patent. Yes. He thinks Bill Gates was creating the cryptocurrency mark of the beast. And it's like a 14 digit number that has three sixes spread out through it. And he thinks it's part of the conspiracy. Yep. And then why are they showing pictures of this weird woman with like severed animal

parts? Oh God, they love her so goddamn much. Yeah, so she's this visual artist that does a lot of very shocking stuff. And it's actually really cool. Like a lot of the stuff that she does is actually very, very cool, but it's all designed to get this emotional reaction out of you. Right? So anytime anyone does anything with Marina Abramovich, these guys freak out and they're like, the devil, the devil's here.

Yeah. Oh, they think she's like the devil. Yeah. She thinks they think she's satanic because she does. Yeah. A lot of the stuff she does is draws on a lot of satanic image. She did. Yeah.

She did a piece called Spirit Cooking and it had like a recipe book for eating babies combined with it. And like that's part of the podesta Hillary Clinton eating babies conspiracy. So these people all panicked because of this Microsoft thing. It was just an ad that had a little bit of Marina Abramovich. The reality is they were just making a VR headset and she's a visual artist that you could, you know, see in it. And that's it. Yeah, that was the big fucking conspiracy. Oh, God. I see. Thank you for doing all this work

because I was like, what am I watching? Right. It's just like a fever dream. I mean, it's just this guy's like ramblings before he goes to bed. No, it's the it's the scene from fucking Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It's the boat ride except the extended version. Yeah. It's like high but they're bad at math So yeah, so then we get the fuck this biblical Star Wars crawl God and not the first or maybe it is the first Yeah, we're gonna get some other ones. Yeah long time ago in a galaxy far far away a photon fucked an electron

God life light. Right. But yeah, so it's, and it's such a stupid quote too, right? Cause it's this big long Bible quote that amounts to do good stuff, not bad stuff. Right? That's all the Bible quotes. Yeah. It's a lot of words. Yep. Too many words. But this also ultimately resolves on Clay Clark doing whatever the opposite of skeptics

in a pub is. Right? He's got this big group of people where he's going to lie to them and no one's going to have fun and drink alcohol. Yeah, it's awful. And he's like, I'm going to bring in doctors and pastors. And I'm like, yeah, same, same. Yeah, no, yeah, exactly. Experts. Yep. Yep. Yep. He's like, I want her to do this big thing, but even the local churches didn't want me. We were too controversial for them. And or they didn't want their followers to die from coke. It was one of those two things.

Clay, American churches were like, hmm, you seem problematic. Just think about that. Well, and then the fucking king guy comes back. He's got to lie to us more about ancient Israel. And everything he says here is so fucking hilariously wrong. And it escalates literally like by how many years wrong?

That's so funny because I literally wrote my guess without doing any research is that most of these claims about ancient Israel are wrong. Every single one of them is wrong. They just felt wrong to me. So the point he's trying to make, and this is an important one, right? Because this is the justification that Louisiana is using to put the Ten Commandments in every classroom, or ultimately if this is made legal, this will be the justification. But what he's trying to argue here is that the biblical period in judges, right? Before the first kings of Israel is what the United States was based on. Because that was, in his words, the first time in history that there was a country with no kings.

Nope. Nope, not at all. Nope. Not remotely fucking true. And the type of government they had at that point, by the way, was a theocracy. They didn't have a fucking democracy or anything. They had a direct theocracy. No, but he's saying ancient Israel. That's what they want.

Yeah, right. Yeah. They're saying ancient Israel invented democracy. You missed that by about 500 years. Something like that. Then they say, he says, Israel invented private property. What? And I was like, no, I think that's Babylonia. So you missed by like 1800 years on that one. Sure.

And then he says Israel was the first nation that could read. What the fuck was that? I don't think that's right. I think that was Sumerians. And now you've missed by 3500 years. You really picked them up, man. They were also the first to walk upright? Damn it! No! Israel invented the amoeba! No.

Israel f***ed the proton back in the day and that's... Now there's light. That's why America is a democracy. They say Israel was the first nation with equality. What the fuck are you talking about? And the weird argument is, and therefore, Merica. Right. Like that's the, like he says all this weird shit and then he's like, and that's why we

exist? Yeah. What? Took a shot at a therefore. You still not, you're still not doing it. Yeah. No, at one point he says that the Hebrews invented the phonetic alphabet. I'm like, well, I wonder what we call it that then.

Did he say that? He didn't say the phonetic alphabet, but he's describing a phonetic output. Pretending. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then we have to do away with all that pesky Wallace separation nonsense because suddenly that's what this movie is about, right?

This movie is suddenly about America being a Christian nation. So we get a montage of filthy liberals, black people, read African-Americans. Yes, a hundred percent. It's the first African-Americans we see in the whole fucking movie. And we get three different African-Americans going like, well, say, you know, we have separation of church and state here in America. And that's to set, that is all done in the interest of setting up the wire. They're still monkeys of constitutional denialism. Right? That the whole separation

of church and state isn't in the constitution because the words separation of church and state aren't in the constitution. Yeah. But they literally read Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. What do they think that means? It's amazing. Why did they read that? Just move on. But they actually are like, yeah, first amendment. It says, no doing state churches,

nothing about separation of. Oh, shit. The guy who's arguing this is from the first Liberty Institute. The Institute is named after where in the Constitution the thing you're saying isn't there is. And then they do the same thing again they make the same dumb mistake they're like well this wall of separation phrase that doesn't appear anywhere either well okay Jefferson said it fuck okay wait Jefferson in a letter while he was trying to explain what he meant by the first fucking amendment.

It could not be more clear that you are wrong. If anybody hundreds of years later does like a founding fathers intended thing, here's what I intend right now. Like it might as well be almost those exact words. Oh my fucking God. And then they trot out a no shit, three different pastors in a row to explain constitutional jurisprudence to us. And they're all like, there's just a look to these guys. The first one, yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

He's making a very bold choice wearing a black V-neck tee with a blazer and like a white pocket square. And it's like, it's like all of these pastors are like from the Ayn Rand book club. You know what I mean? Just dripping libertarianism out of their fucking pores. I think they hired Clay Clark as a consultant for their pastor. I think so. And he was like, it's all about image. Here you go. Connective tissue. Yeah. Here's your kit.

It starts with a V neck T and that's it. That's it. So, yeah, right. Atlas shrugged. Yeah, it. So yeah, right. Atlas shrugged. Yeah, exactly. And a warm copy of Atlas shrugged. And then the king guy comes back and he's, this is so, this is probably the weakest argument

I've ever heard to make any point, right? Because he's trying to tell us that America is a Christian nation and that there was no separation of church and state. And to get there, he's gonna tell us about the guy who founded the Lutheran Church in America and his two sons. Yeah.

Yeah, he's like, here, we're gonna talk about history and the shit that we all know about history. And then he talks about a guy named Henry Mullenberg. Yeah, yeah, the famous- We all had to Google that, right? Henry Mullenberg, well, I didn't. But I didn't know who he was, but I had Googled enough for this goddamn movie. But nobody was like, oh yeah, him.

I learned about him in history. Yeah, right. Exactly. They just had like this long, long segment of these idiots talking, these pastors. And I was like, please just go back to the Libertarian DJ with a podcast. I would enjoy that. And then the next words are like, we have to understand our history.

Henry Muellenberg. And I'm like, oh my God. I could already be an anti-vaxxer. I'm quitting the movie here. This is so boring. It took him so long. I was like, see, now I get what you guys feel like when you're waiting for me to get to the point

of my citation needed essay. But eventually, the point that he's driving at, and he gets there through this fucking scenic route,, the point that he's driving at and he gets there like, you know, through, through the f*****g scenic route, but the point that he's driving at is that this pastor who was, uh, became the first speaker of the house, he was a pastor. So why would he have signed off on the first amendment that didn't allow separation of church and state if he was a pastor? And we're like, cause, cause he believed in the separation of church and state, dude.

Yeah. So, and it's weird because the way he put it too, he was like, I mean, so what pastors aren't supposed to get involved in politics? Why would a pastor make that claim? And I'm like, nobody made that claim. No. Nobody said pastors can't get involved in politics. I mean, I'm saying that, but that's not what was happening. Yeah, we're saying exactly. Yeah, right. But yeah, and it gets to the end of it. It gets to the end of the whole story. He's like, so you're telling me that a pastor who was involved in politics

passed a law that said pastors couldn't get involved in politics. And I'm like, A, that's not what the fucking wall of separation is. And no one's claiming that. But B, that's not the story that you just told us, dude. Do you have those exact words written anywhere? No, cut. You're cutting. So, okay. So then the movie remembers it's about COVID again, and it starts talking about when churches weren't even allowed to sing because Joe Biden wanted to retroactively take the music out of the world. We banned the godly singing in the entire country.

No, like you weren't allowed to start a flash mob choir in a supermarket either. That had nothing to do with like what type of religion song it was. Right. Like he's literally mad that they can't sing virus clouds into each other's mouths. That's what we were trying to avoid. Right. Because the thing is, it's not like they, they could have like, played the music over the speakers still.

It's not the music that we had an issue with. And also notice how far this movie goes out of its way to like not remind you that this is all playing out against a backdrop of thousands of deaths a day in the US alone. And this is who they bring in. And this was just for me and Heath, I'm sure. Kara, I had no idea who the fuck this is who they bring in and I'm, this was just for me and Heath, I'm sure. Kara, I had no idea who the fuck this is, but Heath and I got excited when we saw Sean Fecht coming in. Yeah.

Who? Everybody Google this person. Sean Fecht, I think maybe he says it, but say it wrong. It's F-E-U-C-H-T, I think. Fecht. Yeah. He looks like an insane cosplaying lion or something like that. And apparently he's running for Congress in California, where he was.

Well, he did run for Congress. He ran for Congress. Oh, this is the Republican surfer looking dude. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He ran for Congress on the bat shit ticket. He was the guy who kept trying to like start impromptu concerts on the steps of

capital buildings during COVID. That was his claim to fame. Yeah. I think my favorite part when he's doing his little interview here is it shows Newsome talking about public policy. And then Sean goes, who does this guy think he is? He's the governor. Governor. Yes. And then he's like, and why do people even listen to him again? Because he's the governor governor. Yes, and then he's like, yeah And why do people even listen to him again because he's the governor I can answer those questions very easily. Yeah, so I took a screenshot of what we're watching here

You did you did there it is He's on OAN, yeah And by the way, oh and that's one American news one of those bullshit networks. They label the news that they're doing. It's a news show and the news show says, happening now as like a label of their news show. Yeah, like this is news. Yes, yeah, exactly. And so he started talking and I was just like, I'm not listening to this guy do an interview on OAN.

I'm going to play caption the photo that I just put in here. So I was So, okay It's like okay. What is this guy saying to this woman who's interviewing him and I was like, okay Um, and then I use a different bottle to condition the goatee was the first What seems like those have it? Yeah So that's why I'm suing mr. Big for stealing my drum beat. It's a four-four When I was the original drummer my drum beat. It's a 4-4. I invented it when I was the original drummer.

Okay. All right. I would have thought it would be sexual harassment if I had to capture this video. Yeah. Yeah, there is a vibe. All right. Well, I'll tell you what. It looks like the deep state is coming for your Jesus. So we're going to take a quick break to celebrate. But first, let me give you the act three, the hard sell. Will any of the things they said turn out to have been right? Will any of the things they warned about actually happen? Will their fear of losing rights hold when those rights turn out to be uterine in nature? Find out the answers to those questions or just as no as no can fucking get when we return for the rambling conclusion of…

The official Reawaken America tour documentary. Clay Clark, welcome to the pearly gates. Wow, St. Peter, this is great. Yeah, so I checked out your file. It's looking good. Faithful Christian, degree from Oral Roberts, spreading the gospel with your consulting business solid. Award winning consulting biz. Don't say biz. Biz to biz actually.

Sorry. Sorry. B to B. Also don't say B to B. So what was that award you were talking about? I was in 40 under 40. No way. Really?

From Fortune magazine? Oklahoma magazine. Oh. Well that's cool too. So not really an award, just like a list that you were on. But yeah, that's good stuff. It's good stuff for Oklahoma. So anyway, I just need to ask a few extra questions.

Oh, sure. Like in the good place. Yes, exactly. Such a good show, right? The good place. I love that show Place. Exactly. Such a good show. Right. The good place. I love that show. Amazing show. Take it sleazy. So fun. Classic.

Eleanor, Michael. Yeah. So we actually use a few of their questions from The Good Place for my question thing. But don't worry. It's really just a formality. You'd have to do really badly for these to matter. So don't worry. It's really just a formality. You'd have to do really badly for these to matter. So here you go.

Question one. Have you ever had a personalized license plate? Yep. Oh, what was it? It's a synergy thing. OK, what was it thing? Or was it thing?

It was thing. Yeah, rough, rough. OK, moving on. Question two. Was it thing or was it thang? It was thang. Yeah. Rough. Rough. Okay. Moving on. Question two. Did you ever reheat fish in the office microwave? Display a fish count. Making it worse, man.

Okay. Writing that down. Question three. Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline? I don't wear socks. So no. You don't wear socks? Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline? I don't wear socks, so no. You don't wear socks? I only wear a tactical shoe-sock combo. I invented it.

It's called the shock. Yikes. Alright, question four. Did you ever pay money to hear music by the German R&B duo asterisk Milly Vanilli? Yes, yes, but I taped the show and then sold the bootlegs for a sweet profit. Also, I don't know if I mentioned this, but I'm a DJ and I rock Mills Vanilles all the time. Don't say Mills Vanilles.

Wow. Okay. Well, the last question was supposed to be, have you ever been a DJ or referred to yourself as a DJ? I guess we could skip that. So we're done. Just going to total this up. And you got a negative score somehow.

We've actually never had that before. This is not looking good. Oh, wait, wait, wait. St. Peter, can I add one more thing? Sure. Why not? Okay. So when a life-saving drug came out during a global pandemic, I said I was actually killing people and then I accused George Soros of being the mastermind behind the whole thing. Dude, super anti-Semitic. Oh, beans. You're in. Judaism's the worst. Oh my god, we hate those guys. Noice.

And you're back out. Don't say noice. Just say regular noice. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action on Clay's podcast where apparently he's brought on a guest to tell us about how chosen by God he is. Oh my God, this scene. He might as well be turning down a crown of laurels that this guy keeps offering him. It's so bad. God's plan includes a guy who runs fucking Synergy Biz the podcast. That's what we're looking at.

Okay. Oh my god. If something like this happened on our podcast, like if I interviewed somebody who turned out to be a big fan and started saying shit like this, I would edit it out. I wouldn't put it in my fucking movie about myself. And then I'd kill myself. Yeah. Would you make a movie about your...

I think that's a fundamental difference. myself. Yeah. Would you make a movie about your... I think that's a fundamental difference. So okay. So then fucking Tweedledum comes back on to tell us about this time that he gave Clay a book, right? This is the guy in the flag blazer. Yes, right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So the book is called The Believer's Authority. And I had... This is so fucking funny. He goes like, I gave it to Clay and he read it in like a day. And the other guy goes, well, it was I gave it to him on a Friday and he was done

with it by Wednesday. Yeah, he was done with it by Wednesday. He read that so fast. Yo, this I looked this book up. It is ninety six pages. Cool. You can wait. You could read this book like while you're waiting at the doctor's office. It's a pamphlet. The cliff notes are longer than the book.

But they're like, he said it was the best book he's ever read. And if you know Clay, you know he's read a lot of books. And the other guy literally goes, so many books. Seriously, these guys have to be satire. Like if this was a Christopher Guest movie, I wouldn't know the difference. So yeah, but they tell us about him reading this book. Again, no fucking reason. The book's never going to come up again.

We don't know what the fuck it is. Then we, okay, Then we get Kim Clement. This is Maga Nostradamus, I guess. It's kind of weird the way they get into this, but there's a chick named Amanda Grace who's going to introduce us to this guy named Kim Clement who died a while back. But before he did, he issued all these prophecies. He's a South African, like evangelical pastor. Yes. So, and honestly, like she gave her spiel about him.

I re-list, I get to the end and I was like, I didn't hear a word she said. And I tried again and I still didn't hear it. And I tried again and I was like, I'm not going back for a fourth time. I am physically incapable of listening to that level of bullshit. Right? My ears just won't take it up. It's like a fucking dog whistle. But anyway, so one of his prophecies was, and I quote, Trump will become a trumpet.

Come on, mate. You clearly just started to say something and then tried to ad lib and you did badly. You were like, Donald Trump will be a Trump Using it. Yeah, you really like he repeated it like three or four fucking times I'll keep in mind that when he made this because you're trying to say like, you know How could he possibly have known back in whatever was 2007 that Trump would rise up and become such a prominent voice or whatever? I'm like, well, he would he birther in chief in that moment, right?

Like Trump had already risen up in those circles to be a prominent voice. That's what led to him running for president. Trump had literally was saying back then, I'm going to be the president. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, but what's supposed to be happening here is, is Clay Clark is showing us proof that Kim Clement, this long dead, or I don't know how long, but this dead prophet of, of Jesus or whatever, had predicted that Clay Clark would help Donald Trump get elected president.

Oh, is that the point he was making? Yeah. So during one of Kim Clement's shows where he would just go on and he'd say, someone listening to this show named David has a business idea. David, go for it. You know, that's what he did. That was his job. And during one of those episodes, he said, there's a man named Mr. Clark and another man by the name of Donald. And I'm getting a Donald or a David. It's so, it's cold reading. It's so dumb. Right. Right. And Clay saw that and he said hey

You know what my name does start with a C or K sounds Just cut over to God being like fuck. I obviously meant dick and the duck dick Clark You're ruining my pandemic right Right. So yeah. And then fucking Clay, he's got this like false humility moment, right? Where he's like, and I saw that and I was like, wow, I sure hope that this prophecy about achieving greatness that I immediately shared with everyone I know, the moment that I saw it isn't about me. That's how I felt. Yeah. It's like, I didn't, I don't want it. I don't want responsibility for all these things that bring me money. Lots of them. Right. Yeah, he's like, I didn't, I don't want it. I don't want responsibility for all these things that bring me money. Yeah, exactly.

And then he's like, yeah, so just to make sure, like, I didn't really want to do this, but I called up my prophecy guy to check on that prophecy. His prophecy guy is the guy with the American flag. Yes, it is. Being like, yep, I think that's you, man. That's it. Well, the funniest fucking part of that is because it love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this.

I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this.

I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this.

I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I think only like a few minutes later. Just after he got it, he's probably maybe even called me first. We don't even know. Shut the fuck up, Ernie. And that's sketch. So now I want to be super clear about how dumb this truly is, right? Because during this show, he says that Kim Clement, the prophet guy, he says, you know, Mr. Clark and Donald, right before the show, you were holding your flag and you said, I love this nation.

And then you came in and I want you to know that the thing you're thinking about doing is the right thing and that God is speaking to you. Right. That was the thing. So obviously very clearly the guy met somebody then in like 2008 or whatever, 2013, whenever he made somebody before the show or after when he was shaking hands right before the show that he was recording. Yeah. Yeah. And the guy's name was Clark, but he couldn't really remember. Clark, which is by the way, I believe the 27th most popular surname in all of goddamn

America. Right? If the guy said there's a Mr. Lusians and a Heath, right? That's something. Right? But at any rate, but then he says, but he's like, well, you know, the prophecy didn't exactly line up because I didn't, you know, go to pick up my flag and say, I love America three times while walking in a circle or whatever. Like he said, I would.

So it couldn't have been about me. But just then a buddy of mine called me to tell me about picking up his flag and walking in a circle three times. Seriously, click, we cut to Clay Clark and him being like, all right, well, the turns out the prophecy had that thing with the flag, so I'm off the hook. That's not me. But then a random friend, I won't tell you his name. He's real. He called me and he was like, hi, Clay. Apropos of nothing. I put up a flag today and here's the exact words.

I said at that moment, I said, I'm proud of my nation. All right, bye. He's like, I feel the need to tell you this. And I put in my notes, if this exact interview was happening in my office, I'd be going through the diagnostic criteria for psychotic disorders at this point. Oh my god. He sounds so paranoid and grandiose. Like, he's like, this level of conspiratorial crazy, like I am a prophet, is really disconcerting. Yeah.

You know? Well, and of course, what he's really saying here at this point is, because Clay Clark was a libertarian dude, and generally speaking, libertarian dudes aren't super religious, right? Right. At least, you know, that's kind of a big part of being libertarian. But what's happening here is he's realizing, oh shit, if I want to sell this Trump shit, I have to pretend to be really Christian. Yeah. And this is my way in.

Right. I was prophesied. I was prophesied. Oh my God, it's so stupid. Oh Oh also, can we talk about the fact that the prophecy tape of the South African guy He's in he's preaching and in the middle. It's like down by on by on Literally some bassist in South Africa was fucking with Kim Clement in South Africa was fucking with Kim Clement doing like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. While a speech about a prophecy is, it's really like taking the gravity away of this prophecy of each.

And that's the clip they used. It's the best. Well, it was the clip with the prophecy. Yes, that's the one that has the holy prophecy. Yeah, it's very important. And then it sort of, then Clay, right? Clay is like, I hate to. So I'm talking to my wife that night and I mean, I'm crying.

I hate to say he literally goes, I'm a guy. So I hate to say I'm crying. I'm just going to slide some fragile masculinity. It's the checklist. The one thing that was left on the fucking checklist was fragile masculinity. Yeah. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. You're such a pathetic piece. I was crying, but in a manly way. It was my wife was the only one who said that. I mean, the

guy didn't see me cry. I was establishing dominance with the crying actually. Technically manly. If you think about it, it's more manly. The bike tears were so big. I had the biggest. I took a cold plunge in the middle. Yes. So, but this is where Clay realized his calling. And he says, he's like, but that's the prophecy. He was what told me, I knew God is speaking to me and what God wanted was for me to start a tour.

Now, none of this comes from anything that we've seen up to this moment in the movie. He goes, but what God wanted was for me to start a tour with Michael Flynn that he could giddily report on 16 times between skeptic rat and scathing atheist whilst always using my finger steeply picture. God's plan was for this guy to make a movie that is only available on Rumble. And team up with Michael Flynn, who pleaded guilty to multiple felonies and then did that again and then got a pardon, a bullshit pardon from Donald Trump.

Yes. That was God's plan. And how was this in the prophecy? Like, where does he get to this place? Because in the prophecy, he said that there was a Mr. Clark and a Donald and that God was speaking to him and they should do the thing that they were thinking God was saying. Oh, cause he was already thinking about how he needs to partner with Michael Flynn.

But was the random phone call guy also named Clay Clark or somebody Mr. Clark? Cause it should be him doing this. That's the amazing fucking thing is that as far as they tried to go in as many lies as they told to try to make this fit in, it still didn't fit in, right? There was no way that that possibly... There's no part of the prophecy that's like, or adjacent friend unnamed also could count. Some other guy might also do this unrelated. Yeah.

But so, but now the movie has to introduce professional trader Michael Flynn for us, right? Oh, in the weirdest way. Yeah. It's like an in memoriam of him. Yeah. Like, did you guys get that vibe, the music and the... Yeah, no, there was like this, wait, is Michael Flynn dead?

Did I miss that? Yeah. So they're playing like the Doogie Howser end of show music where you learn the moral of the story. And they're showing a timeline of stuff Michael Flynn did and I was like hey movie you might want to stop mentioning the timeline of Michael Flynn this is going to go badly. No, they keep going.

Well don't worry Heath they're going to lie. Yeah they'll just lie. Right? That's how that's what saves them because they're like you know Michael Flynn became the primary suspect in the Mueller investigation and And I'm like, the Mueller investigation of Trump? Did they suspect him of being Trump? What are you talking about? And then he goes, but you know, but they, but eventually Mueller realized they didn't have anything on Flynn. And I'm like, after he pled guilty, they didn't have anything. Did you mention that? You're not going to mention the timeline montage might as well

fast forward and be like, and then he got a pardon. Right. And then they're like, but ultimately Donald Trump pardoned him. And we're like, for what? You haven't admitted that there was any crime yet. And then they finally show him doing an interview. They bring him in after this weird in memoriam with the timeline and the not admitting anything that he did wrong. And literally the only thing he says is, the people you thought were your friends, they weren't your friends. Donald Trump hurt my feelings. Yeah, totally.

He literally said Donald Trump hurt my feelings. It's so good. It's delicious. This whole Michael Flynn section, he's got his arms crossed all angrily, just ranting for so long. It's the best. He was so mean to me. And just what you think it couldn't get any dumber in the timeline, because the timeline kind of carries over as they're introducing him and interviewing him and he's claiming

to have been blackmailed and all that. And he's like, this is when I brought in Sydney Powell. That's my new attorney. Wow. Wouldn't mention that. The crack in herself. So yeah, they're like, you know what? They didn't find any evidence against me.

And I'm like, you pled guilty, man. What twice, twice, twice. Yeah. And in case the fact that it was Sydney Powell defending him wasn't already disqualifying enough, they back off of this long enough for us to see that she's defending him wasn't already disqualifying enough. They back off of this long enough for us to see that she's defending him in an interview with the Epoch Times. This is like bullshit Times bullshit, right?

It's like bullshit infinite mirror style or something. Yeah. It's so good. And this long bit with Michael Flynn ends with him being like, and now all my friends hate me. Yeah. And they cut. And that's the end of his bit.

It's the best. Yeah. So, but then this is where Clay pitches Michael Flynn on the, what was originally called the Reopen America Tour, right? Because this is back, it was still during the lockdown and Flynn loves it. Clay's wife has to come up and say, you know, Clay actually is very humble and he hates being famous and having people come up to him and ask to get selfies with him and stuff.

So don't sing happy birthday is what he's saying. He says he doesn't want you to do that. Yeah. And they cut to him going, I didn't want to do these events. I'll tell you that. I mean, these events were half of America's going to hate me or love me. And I'm like, dude, nobody knows who you are. Yeah. 93% of America has no emotional attachment to you. That number is low.

Well, 6% of us hate him. So yes. Hold on. The 2008 Oklahoma small area entrepreneur of the year? That's Clay Clark? So I love him. He says, I had to get the team together. I felt just like Bruce Willis in Armageddon. And I'm like, you can't even imagine yourself into a good movie. Can you?

Jesus Christ, dude. Really Armageddon is what you win. He lists off the team that he got together. It is a fucking puzzle in a thunderstorm. Who's who? This is the list that he gives Sydney Powell Jim Caviezel Mike Mike Has never been recruited to any team ever that must be And at this point he talks about how he's he's

All these people are getting really interested in the great reset, by the way, still have no idea what that means, not explained anything, I'm completely in the dark. You guys know. Oh, that's a socialist takeover conspiracy theory. Okay. That already happened. Yeah, right.

But they're trying to like say, we need to spread the gospel to prevent this socialist great reset, but that's in the fucking Bible. It's called the Jubilee. The Bible is socialist about it, right? Right, so just remember this guy just learned about religion five minutes Oh, yeah, right guys and and see any brags about finishing a 96 page book Get the Jubilee. And then he's like, all these people want to hear us talk. Me and the Flynn, we've got this great thing going.

So we're like, hey, you want to go to my thing? And people are like, yeah, I want to go to your thing. And then he's like, you want to buy a ticket? And they're like, yeah, sure, I'll buy a ticket. So he sells thousands and thousands of tickets to a conference without a venue. With no venue. He goes, you know, I had sold all these tickets, we didn't even have a venue yet. And I'm like, oh, well, that's pretty much theft then, isn't it?

Yeah, is that illegal? Like... I don't think it is. We've got some tents set up in the Bahamas. I think it's going to be fun. Right, yeah. Got a cheese sandwich and some fucking Evian for it. Don't want to know what I did some fucking Evian for it.

Don't want to know what I did for that Evian. Do you know there's an anti-woke water out right now to compete with Dasani and Evian? Amazing. I believe it's called Freedom 2-0. So it's diatomic freedom plus oxygen. And no cock sucking. Too woke. Freedom too-o and no cock sucking. Okay.

That would sell. Yeah, no, they have to give you some money if they use that. So now keeping in mind that ostensibly, this documentary, which has just taken wild tangents to tell us about quantum god light and Whether with a king of Israel was all it is has ostensibly been a documentary about making this Show that's putting together this tour. All right. Oh, right, cuz it's called the reawaken America tour document Right, right We are like nine minutes from the end of this goddamn Right, right. We are like nine minutes from the end of this goddamn documentary and they're just now getting to the part where they do anything at all related to the tour. Right?

I feel like Citation needed to consume them for stealing our format like this to this level. But yeah, but we see this in these clips of the Reawaken America tour. This is where we see RFK Jr. Yeah. Cool. RFK Jr. had to distance himself from them. He won't let them use his picture anymore. Amazing. Then we earned a side tackle from Henry David Thoreau out of the time machine. Did you guys notice at this point that there were black people at their rally?

Yes. Like three, like three of them. I noticed that because they showed us those same three people, like 14, God damn time. Yeah. So yeah. Weird. Okay. Can we, can we, do you mind wearing these, uh, these glasses? Why would I want to?

I don't wear glasses. Did you just pass Candace Owens in the same palm tree four times? I think that's what happened in the movie. Candace Owens in the same palm tree four times? I think that's what happened in the room. So, we get the Thoreau quote, Michael Flynn comes to warn us that they're coming for our precious bodily fluids. They get the whole like, we've taken God out of everything thing, right? They've taken God out of church. They've taken God out of the public square. They've taken God out of the church.'ve taken God out of the public square. They've taken God out of the church. God's not in the Bible anymore.

Right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. He's a black woman now. It's awesome. Yeah. I think she's gay. So what they've, because I've heard this now several times from these people of taking God out of the church and I dug into it this time. What the fuck they're talking about. What they mean by that is that some churches are accepting of LGBTQ people. So that is their euphemism for that is taking God out of the church. Oh, right. Because God doesn't like that. Right. It's essentialist that God would hate. Right. The queers. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and then we get this human rights attorney that comes in to go full Godwin, right? She goes like, the last time we saw so many rights disappearing was Nazi Germany.

And we're like, what rights are you guys? Are you still talking about singing in church? Because you're allowed to do that now. Okay. This part was insane. She said, Hitler changed 400 laws in the first six years. And I was like, that's a weird metric you're going with. That's what I always say about Hitler too. Legislate-y. That's the problem. Yeah, what the fuck is that? But she then compares it to Gavin Newsom, who's passed more than twice that many laws

in just one year. So he's twice as bad as Hitler. She said Newsom changed 400 laws in the first six months and I was like first of all there's no way the numbers light up like that. That's free to say that. But that's like 12 Holocausts worth of law changing by Gavin Newsom. Yeah right her argument seems to be that the real problem with Hitler was the number of laws changed therefore Gavin Newsom is at least twice as bad as Hitler. Yeah. Gavin Newsom, Nazi. I get it. It's a solid argument.

And then the Polish guy comes back and he's like, no, I live behind the iron curtain. Trust me, it's exactly like this. Biden is exactly like Stalin and Hitler at the same time. He's like, Hitler, Stalin. They also brought out a black guy. I think it's the same one from the last scene. Yeah, he was. He was wearing a mustache. Yeah, exactly. And his quote was we have people in charge

over our community and we don't know what their philosophy is. I don't know what this movie is about. Right, I don't know what your philosophy is and I've just watched an hour and a half of it. What is happening? Also, to be clear, the GOP literally has not had a platform for eight years. So that's your fault.

Yeah, actually, good fucking point. Their platform is undoing platforms. There's also this weird moment where they're like, you know, Obama changed the law so that the government could lie to the American people and do propaganda on American citizens. I'm like, yeah, no, that's why the government never lied before Obama Because he changed the rules then they tried out Sherry Tenpenny Yeah, she's listed as a board certified doctor here Uh-huh, and I was like that's fantastic because she literally got her license revoked like right after this movie came out. That's amazing. She just barely got it back.

Yeah, she just barely got it back like a couple months ago, but on probation. She's like sort of a doctor right now, maybe. It's like, if we wrote it in past tense, board certified past tense. Wasn't it what she was certified? Amazing. Board certified past tense. That's what it is. Wasn't it what she was certified for? Oh, it was certified. Yeah. Amazing. Clinically tested certified at some point.

So, but then they trot out this, there's no information on the package insert for the COVID vaccine thing again. Oh, I've never even seen the, oh God, I'm so, I don't follow this shit because it makes my brain hurt. Yeah, right. Well, so here's the thing.

We actually, I didn't know this when we had this one explained to us on air. I believe it was Marce that filled us in on this one. So when they rolled out the COVID vaccine, they didn't put all the information that they would normally put on a vaccine because they were running it out the door, right? They were trying to get it out as fast as possible. So nobody was going to wait while they printed up these very large sheets of information, but they still needed the information. So they just printed the, like a QR code that would take you to the website where all the information was contained.

Oh right, because that way they could update it as the research came in. Exactly, right. Yeah, that makes sense. Right. But they didn't like that. QR code, mark of the beast, I don't know. Yeah, right.

It could be the same. Well, and then what they did is they printed this QR code on this very large piece of paper because that's the size of the paper that normally goes with vaccines, because it has to have all of this different information on it, right? And rather than ordering different sized fucking paper that would slow down getting this life-saving vaccine out to the public, they just said, okay, print the QR code on the big ass piece of paper and use the same machines in the same configuration, to fold it and package it, right? But they have ever since then, the COVID denialists have tried to use this

as this sinister. They won't even tell us what the ingredients are. The ingredients thing is blank. But what? Wait, they literally think that they like wrote all the ingredients up and then they go, oh, let's just delete it. Yes. Well, we can't sell any of that. Get it anyway. What's the conspiracy theory that like the evil Illuminati were like, we can just release the poison with no ingredients.

They'll forget to check probably. Yeah, right. As long as there's a paper in there, who's going to look at the paper? Right. That must be what they think happened. They think they wrote it and deleted it. I guess. Why would they?

If that was what they were doing, why would they put a big blank piece of paper? They just wouldn't put anything in there. You fucking idiot. And then we get to the most terrifying phase of the documentary, right? Which is where they've made their point now, they seem to think, and now they ask, how can they fight to get their country back? Now, keeping in mind that these lies have already instigated

one deadly coup attempt in this country. Yep. Like, like, and Michael Flynn was heavily involved in that one, as was Clay Clark. The fact that these two guys are standing there going like, so how can we fight to get the country back should scare the shit out of them. Right. Like after our previous failed attempt to fight to get the country back. Yeah. Right. This is scary. Right. Oof. There's also this weird moment where this guy, Tom Renz, I guess he's an anti-vax lawyer who's suing Big Pharma for vaccinating us. He jumps on. Oh yeah. He's so weird. He was the attorney for Sherry Tenpenny when she lost her license. Oh, was he really? Of course he was. He makes this claim

that 45,000 people died within three days of getting the vaccine because he doesn't understand large numbers. And when you are looking at all the people who got the vaccine, 45,000 people were just going to die on those days. That's a lot of millions and millions of people. Yeah. When there's large numbers. Right. And literally right after that, he goes, I can't say I'm the smartest guy in the world. Yep. First. I can't say that either, Tom. smartest guy in the world. Yep. First. I was just saying the same thing about you, Tom. Seriously, his first line, I'm not very smart. Second line, I will never vaccinate my kids. And I was like, yep, there he is. And when he says that the whole room erupts with applause. Oh yeah. So fucking gross. And then this other weird thing he says where before he says it,

he goes, let me tell you what I'm going to say. Have you ever used that line in your life? Let me tell you words. Words. He's like, let me tell you what I'm going to say. You are complicit in causing death and I cannot wait to sue you over and over again. Yeah. Yeah.

Which who made a very good point here? I think it was Heath. Yeah, that would mean you keep losing at your lawsuits. Yes. And sue people over and over. Why would I would sue you once. Yeah that would mean you keep losing at your lawsuits. Why would I would sue you once and then win would be the yep but that's that's where we close it technically sort of. Yeah this is my least favorite part of the movie because they say to be continued and then they fucking continue. Yes yeah they're right right now. They weren't lying and now I will talk some words, movie talk words, me go now, movie still. This is great. So here's what I think happened here. Are you guys ready

for this? Okay. So think about the production value of this film and how often the film is really not self-aware. So I think he hired a professional editor, maybe in Hollywood, who was like, sure I I'll edit your documentary. Who then edited the documentary brilliantly for people like us who might watch this documentary. And then he was done. He ended it with To Be Continued. And this guy is such a fucking narcissist

that he was like, no, I have more to say. I'll just do it myself again. Right, I can do that. How hard could this be? Oh my God, you're right. I think that was definitely to say. I'll just do it myself. Right. I can do that. How hard could this be? Oh my God. You're right. I think so. Because it's a very different movie in the last scene. It is. Right. So he tacked on this.

It's just a money pitch, right? It's just a go to my fucking Hitler Patreon, whatever the fuck money thing they're allowed to use. But you don't really know that because it's so fucking like nonsensical. Right. Like it took me a while to even understand that's what I was looking at. Yeah. He's like, Hey, look, I'm getting sued for defamation by Dominion.

And I'm like, Oh, nice. I'm so happy because you're going to lose that so fucking hard. He's like, I'm spending two to $3,000 a day on legal fees. I'm like, Yeah, wait till you see the judgment against you, man. You're going to have to pay for their legal fees too. But then he's like, and the guy who's suing me is full of shit. Just listen to his deposition. Yeah. But before he does that, the whole time he's talking about this, the only thing we're looking at is his GoFundMe screenshot. Yep. On Microsoft Edge.

On Edge. A browser that he hasn't set up yet. It says, would you like to finish? Default browser? Question mark. And yeah, he's like, he's saying we've spent over a million dollars on legal fees while he's literally showing us the way that he's scamming his public so that he doesn't have to spend millions of his own dollars on legal fees. Yeah, we spent millions of dollars. Your dollars, not mine. But yes, millions of dollars have

been spent. And the deposition that he's playing, what he seems to think are gotchas from his lawyer in the deposition. You're hilarious. Of the guy. So the guy who is being deposed here is the Dominion voting, like he's an executive, right? I think so. For Dominion voting. And his name is, according to Clay, Eric Coomer. Yeah. Eric Coomer.

I cannot stand the way he says his name. He's Dr. Eric Coomer, actually. And he's like making sense. Yes. The whole time. Perfect sense the whole time. Yes. So what they're doing is they're going through this poor guy's social media and finding times

when he's put up things that were anti-Trump or anti-statist, you know, like he asked this one, like, like he put up the song, Fuck the Police, and they're like, do you really want to have sex with all the police or say some dumb shit like that? Yeah, his lawyer's like, are you, is this a fucking real question? The lawyer actually in his... Do you stand behind this? Fuck the... I think it's Fuck the... Is it Fuck the St... I can't remember. It's a song by The Exploited. Sure.

He's like, yeah, he listens to punk rock. What do you want? It's a punk song. Yeah. He posted another punk song about like pigs getting killed and they were like, are you a serial killer of pigs? What the fuck is happening here? I'm sorry, man.

They don't have punk songs called, you know, like obey the state and lick boots. I'm sorry. I didn't have any of those. But what's amazing is they keep the part where that guy's lawyer just reams the other lawyer. And he's like, are you really asking these fucking good? These are the worst questions. Are you charging your client for this shit?

Yeah, they leave. They include all of that. And the reason, again, is because Clay is not an editor. Right. Doesn't know the fucking notes. And we know this. We know this. Well, to be clear, before any of this happens, there's like a minute of dead air. Dead air. All we see during this entire scene are blurry screenshots of the deposition. We hear the audio of the deposition and at one point I'm like, did it freeze? Is it over? No, it's like a minute of dead air.

Am I recording that? Is it on? Vanessa, did I press the record? Is it flashy or regular? Oh my God. It's probably on. We're going to keep going. This guy's a podcaster. He does this shit for a living. And then it is just over. And then it's just over. Yeah. Just out of fucking nowhere. It's over.

And I guess that's going to do it for our review of the reawaken America tour documentary. It's just not going to do it for the episode yet because we still need to pay more bills next week. So Heath, tell us what's on deck. We're going to be watching Nefarious. It's a demon thing. It is a demon thing based on a book written by Steve Deese. So, yeah, that should be fun.

Excellent. We got a lot of requests for this one. Yeah. Well, so we had to look forward to it. We're going to bring Episode 463 to a merciful close once again. A huge thanks to Kara for hanging out with us today. Be sure to check the show notes for links to talk nerdy if you'd like to hear more from her and perhaps even huger thanks to all the Patreon owners to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash got awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You

can also help a ton by leaving a five star review by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms and just by loving us. That's what we need the most. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scaling Alias, Citation D to D to D minus and the skeptic right available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, a cinematic suggestion, you know, God of movies, Gmail that come to him. Robeson takes care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatkin, people dress on Mars. All the music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heath and right, Neil Bosnic, I'm no illusions. Promise to work hard to earn another check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club close.

The Reawaken America tour is now featuring Tim Tebow as a Christ centered business coach at the event. Is that real? That's real. Oh, my God. Matriangle. We will attend that. Matri on goal, we will attend that. Clay Clark went on to... God, who fucking cares? I don't care. The only person that cares is Heath.

I don't even think it's way fair anymore. I care so much. The COVID virus went on to feel really bad about elevating Clay Clark's career. Worst mistake of the week. In this one, you are a company that's considering hiring me, Clay Clark, to be your business consultant. Oh, right, because you're a businessman. Yeah, actually, that's one of it's on the fucking checklist. Like, oh, I run a biz company about other biz. Yes, yes. And so is DJ. It's the whole that's one of it's on the fucking checklist. Like, I run a biz biz company about other. Yes, yes. And so it's the whole first 10 minutes of the movie.

Yep. They write. It's just going to do that checklist. It's insane. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and Thunderstorm LLC, copyright twenty twenty four, all rights reserved.