God Awful Movies - 464: Nefarious

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

This week, we invite Paige and Todd of the Horror Virgin Podcast on for a review of Nefarious, a horror movie so terrifying it includes a cameo from Glenn Beck. Hear more from Todd and Paige on the Horror Virgin Podcast If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

We talk about how funny the horrifying baby sacrifice image that they're going for is, right? Because they're like, they would heat up the statue and then they'd place the baby into the hot hands and then the baby would be like, the way you do when you go to the beach and the sun is too warm. It's like, oh, I should have brought a towel to dry with and a towel to lay on. Two towels left side. This is not enough towels for this beach.

I don't want to be in the water, but the sand is too hot. How often are you supposed to apply sunscreen? Godawful movies. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnik. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Oh, did someone call the muscle back onto the podcast? That's right, it's me. He did say that, man. It's undeniable. He's the wild card. I'm the prince. You must then be the muscle.

Our sweet friend Heath probably had no more difficult moment this year than when he realized by subtraction that he must on recorded air call me the muscle of our body. I'm opening every door he goes to open for the rest of his life. You want me to carry that for you? He needs me to carry that? Hey, oh no no, wild card, wild card, let daddy get that for you, baby. It's only chivalrous. I don't even remember what show that I hope that was on GAM. So the listeners know what the hell's going on.

Oh, and also joining us and you have already heard them, but we're very excited to welcome in the host of the horror virgin podcast page Wesley and Todd Schloser. I'm sorry. I'm pronouncing your name correctly right there. Schloser. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's Wesley is how you spell it.

Yeah. No, it's, it's definitely Schloser. Although most people say Schlooser because it is seh loser with two s's in the middle. Oh interesting. Okay I'll go with schlooser. So Paige Todd. Welcome to God off of movies. Yeah Honestly, I've listened to you guys for a while. Glad to be here. Yeah, very happy. Awesome. So it's so Paige Tell us what will we be breaking down today? You robbed me of one hour and 38 minutes to watch what is essentially Christian Dinner with Andre. Yes. Nefarious. Nefarious, yeah.

Oh, it's so bad. I was so, I was saying this before the record. I listened to a few of Paige and Todd's episodes before to make sure that they're not like Secret Nazis or something and I was listening to Paige be like, oh this movie is so terrible And I was like, what have I done sweet Jesus? What have I done? You're over there watching the exorcist to not liking it I was like welcome to our jungle Holy shit, and this was bad for us. Yeah. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the serial killer versus psychologist thrillers of the late 80s, but you wish the true villain was people not dying slow enough from their cancer,

you will love this movie. I say it in my notes, but the great thing about Christian movies is you just never know where the random bat shit political rant is going to come from and why, but it's going to come. Yeah. I did start predicting it, like where it was going to go like halfway through this movie. You did? Yeah.

I was looking at your notes. You fucking nailed it. Just like bullseye after bullseye, yeah. 100%. I mean, I grew up in the church and I still practice just outside of the church because the church be wild and they make these movies. And so I speak it fluently and I was like,

oh, I know exactly what's gonna happen. And I know that they definitely used painted rocks from their Easter presentation in the background of these scenes. No question. No question. All right, so is there anything y'all want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'll jump in. This is the best at being the worst at condescending machismo, but also a weird Garth Brooks impression.

Okay. So here's my theory. I'm so glad that you brought this up, Paige, because I want to talk about it now. I think he came in with a Joker voice, right? Yes. And they were like, you're doing Heath Ledger's Joker, and he was like, no, I'm not! No, I'm not! And they were like, no, you're just, now you're doing it in Batman voice. Where's Rachel? That's what it is. He was doing Joker. They were like, don't do Joker. And he was like,

I'm the Batman. And they were like, technically you're doing both at the same time. You're doing either. Stop yelling swear to Legion at craft services. Yeah. There's also, there's just a little bit of sling blade in there. A little bit.

So much sling blade in there, just french fried potatoes. Like, yeah. Like someone who doesn't know sling blade is problematic because they haven't seen it in a friend years All right, so Todd do you have a best worst for us? Yeah, this movie I think was the best worst attempts to get me to hate psychiatrists more than Scientology. Yeah Bound this I think you're supposed to like okay., he's an atheist. So clearly, you know, he's never going to believe, oh, my God, he believes by the end of the movie. What like that trope to me is so silly that it just like makes me laugh because whenever they go about it,

they go about it in a way that like wouldn't convince any atheist. Right. Yeah. The trope is always so funny because either it's something that would instantly convince us, right? Where like they float out of their chair and the demon wrath move floats out of their mouth, in which case you would definitely be like, either I'm having psychosis or this is real, or they're like, you picked the seven of diamonds, God is real. And you're like, okay, relax.

I know. Like, listen, Chris Angel, if that is your real name. Like, I don't think that proves anything really. It's very funny to me. Oh, yeah. And they're always speaking in Christian vernacular too, where you're like, most people don't know what this means. You're just saying it because the Christians

who are going to watch this movie know what it means. Exactly. They're called dog whistles, Paige. Yes! Well, but there's so much of that where they're having these, like, these really meaningful monologues, or what they think are meaningful monologues. I'm like, what the fuck are you even saying right now? Saying!

I did write that at one point, and then I deleted it, because I was like, I've never actually officially met these people, and it's a shared word doc, and I don't want to call this movie a fucking idiot Never been a safer space to do that Appreciate that I appreciate that so much Oh, it's just very funny to me when they they like go about proving to an atheist in this movie that he's wrong But like have you really considered believing in it though? And he's like, oh shit, maybe I should.

I hadn't thought about it like that, yeah. I hadn't thought about it. It's like a bunch of closeup magic and parlor tricks and he believes, it's funny to me. Now I will say at the end of this movie, there is a moment that would make me, an atheist, believe and that is the moment it becomes real for you. Like he does get possessed or hear the voice.

Like at that point he He's like oh shit It is real. I am wrong Cancer world of the movie like I get why he believes at the end, but like what but he doesn't that's the fucked up thing I know we'll get there, but that doesn't do it So I was gonna go with best worst moonshot and and there's two candidates for this right because both in acting and writing this movie got in Hilariously over its head. Oh, yeah, right because like some very talented writers try to do what? What is generally called like writing a movie in a telephone booth, right? Like creating a movie where you can do it all in one shot and when it's done really well you get fucking

Reservoir dogs or something like that, right or Glenn Glarey again, we're Glenn Ross well you get fucking reservoir dogs or something like that right or glen glary again glen ross or that kind of stuff you know like good movies you get good movies there's some brilliant stuff when a great writer tries to really challenge themselves like this this is what happens when a terrible writer does this and at the same time you have that with acting right because this role of the demon possessed character that what's his name from from Boondock Saints plays? We can just call him Boondock Saints because that's how I said it in my hair every time I saw him on screen, so that's fine. There you go. So, but this acting role is really very difficult and complex and, you know, and he's got to

do this accent work the whole time and everything, and like a really good actor could have some fun sinking their teeth into this. This really sank its teeth into this motherfucker, right? He was swallowed by this role. None of the naturalism and sophistication of Primal Fear. None. None. And like, no...

And I have this in my notes later, but it bears repeating now. A better actor would have had a more dynamic shift between the two. Yes. And more earnestness in the possessed man than the demon. And that would have been very effective, but he just cannot pull it off. No. No. Guys, Andy Serkis was busy the weekend they filmed this.

Okay? No, that's fair. He had some monkey shit to do. He had some monkey shit. Yeah, mo cat, mo problems. He literally, he literally, they literally do that same shift that they use in Lord of the Rings when it goes from, you know, Wayne Brady,

not that Wayne Brady, but this Wayne Brady, to, you know, Gollum or whatever, back to the demon. They do that same shift. It's very funny. Yeah, and I'm not gonna spoil mine, but I do wanna call it out. I'm just gonna say, best worst understanding of fingers. We'll get to it when we get to it.

Worst at fingering, yes. What you're referring to, I honestly saw at a close up magic show, but we can talk about what we get to. Yeah, so consider yourself T's audience. OK, well, there's a whole lot of nothing on the other side of. Yeah. So consider yourself T's audience. Okay. Well, there's a whole lot of nothing on the other side of this break. So we're going to pad our runtime with some ads and sketches and shit, but we'll be back in a flash with one over long scene that is nefarious. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

And then they didn't even email me back. That's rough, buddy. I'm sorry. Hey guys, what you doing? Yeah. Don't you want to record the podcast? Yeah. Sorry. I was just talking to Todd about my jealousy. About the podcast? Worse. I still haven't gotten a call to be on America's Top Model.

Can you believe it? I didn't realize that you wanted to be a model. I don't, Paige. But I figure with me being so physically attractive, they, you know, would have called and begged me by now, you know? Totally. Todd gets it. I mean, Eli, if you're dealing with some unhealthy mental comparisons, have you tried therapy? Therapy? For being this physically attractive? Absolutely. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help with try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So no awkward therapist breakups? No awkward therapist breakups. All right, Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H E L P dot com slash awful. Thanks. You guys ready to record the podcast? Yeah. One second. Eli's just finishing showing me his portfolio.

Yeah. So this next one's a red light camera, but it really captures my cupcakes. Uh, I'm good. Thanks. Your loss. Demons to me! Yes, master. Yes, master.

All right, so you all know Nefarious? I sure can. So I'm sending him to Earth to corrupt humanity, and I thought he might fill us all in on his plan. Yes, thank you, Lord Satan. So first off, pretty simple. I will take possession of a kid and I'll use him to kill some people.

Excellent. Amazing. I really like that, it's great stuff. And then I'll get caught and I'll write a self-help book. So you're gonna write a self-help book. So you're gonna write a self-help book? Yeah, yeah, right, but you know, the kinda evil one.

Okay. Yeah, so then I'm gonna kill my prison psychiatrist so that his associate becomes my assessor before my execution. This feels complicated. Sure, yep, a little complicated. But then, while he's assessing me, I'm going to offer for him to publish my book. Question?

Yes, in the back. Couldn't you just write the book? Like maybe you become the famous psychologist? No. Well no, because I have to. I'm going to do the serial killer thing. It feels like people would listen to a serial killer less though, right? Like way less.

No. Well no, because the book is going to be written by the psychologist who assesses me after I kill the people. So it would be his advice. Evil advice. Evil advice, yes. Okay, well, good luck up there, Nefarious, and let us know how it's gonna go.

Yeah, right. Oh, also I'm gonna lecture him about abortion and death with dignity. All right, dude, why? I don't know. Fun. Fun, sure. All right, dude, why? I don't know. Fun? Fun, sure. Good luck, bud.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up with a logo for Believe Entertainment, followed by a psychiatrist admiring the degree on his wall. This is so dumb, right? Cause they have to establish this as a psychiatrist. So they show his degree,

but they don't have to have him looking at it. Like, I sure am a psychiatrist. Yeah, right. It's so dumb. It's the most pretentious thing someone could do right before they take their own life. Yes, straighten their diploma. It was insane to me.

I don't want it to be all crooked when I'm dead and I come in here. I've never seen a cold open with more, no, you'll call me Dr. Energy. Yeah. Right? I also love that it's the only thing on his walls. He has a very fancy office, no other art, one diploma. Not the one for bachelor's, not the one for master's, just the one doctorate diploma.

That's it. It looks like Heath's walls. Yeah. Yeah. And also, so so we watch he straightens this diploma, he goes back to work and then it like starts tilting again because there's a ghost tilting it. And I'm like, that is totally the ghost that I would be. Right. I would just be the ghost of like slightly tilting that picture on you, like stealing your pen while you're in the middle of writing with that. That would be me. Taking a pencil and putting it behind the bookshelf so one book is sticking out just

a little bit more than all the other ones. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. I've got some plans. I've got some plans. And then the psychiatrist leaves. He walks out of his office and we like linger in the office so that we see his body fall down through the window behind

him. He's in a skyscraper, right? So he's, I guess he went up to the roof and jumped off the building. Right. But how fast is that elevator? Oh my God. Because it's seconds later. It's so funny.

Like they're trying to get us with the seriousness of this moment. And we watched the picture tilt and then we see a guy go. He might as well as splatted against the window and then slowly like down. So, okay. So then we get that and that's apparently we're supposed to be scared by that. Then we get what was obviously a stand in title that they forgot to replace or ran out of money required to replace.

What? You don't like Ariel? You don't like Ariel? It's just an Ariel font. Same font as my fucking notes. It's just whatever the final cut sample like it's like they just added title card and didn't do anything to it. Exactly.

So, okay. So we get that cheap ass title card. Get used to cheap ass. That's going to be a lot of stuff in this movie. And then we we open on a prison in Oklahoma. We've got Glenn fucking Beck's voice, first voice we hear in this movie. Glenn Beck on the radio saying, yeah, they're going to execute a prisoner today. And I just say, why the hell did we have to go through all of this court

bullshit? Couldn't they just shot him where they found him? For a man who dresses like a freshman studio art teacher, he's got really weird takes. In fairness to him, I think his new show is called, Guess What's Around Glenn Beck's Neck on OAN or whatever. It's insanity, man. We don't see him until the end of the movie, but I couldn't agree more. He looks insane. If you haven't, cause I know a lot of our listeners probably haven't tuned into Glenn Beck lately,

you lucky so-and-so's. No. I forgot he had a show. I was like, isn't he off TV? What? Cause he used to just be like another brand of Bill O'Reilly. Right. But now he dresses like your aunt who went through a divorce too young

and smudges her house every time she has a breakup. It's the weirdest character twist any of the right wing have had. Sure the fuck is. It's your substitute teacher who could have gone to art school but didn't. Yes, right. And tells you that. But apparently, because Glenn Beck is like, you know,. Yes, right. Right. And tells you that. Yeah. But apparently he could, because Glenn Beck is like, you know, this guy, Edward Wayne Brady,

they named their fucking murderer Wayne Brady. I couldn't get over this. The whole fucking time, every time they're like the very scary Wayne Brady. I'm like, oh, did he dance and do a little fucking song then? Yeah. Jesus Christ. I was like, was he killing it on whose line? Is that what we're counting as murders?

Like, what is it? Slayed that audience. He actually choked a bitch. He actually choked. I have that in my notes several times. Chappelle's show was apparently correct about the real Wayne Brady back in the day. I mean- All along.

Spoilers for later in the movie, but when he's choking the psychologist, my notes are entirely, Wayne Brady is choking a bitch. Wayne Brady is active. All along. Spoilers for later in the movie, but when he's choking the psychologist, my notes are entirely Wayne Brady is choking a bitch. Wayne Brady is active. I'm watching Wayne Brady choke a bitch. And you know the people who made this movie have never seen that Chappelle sketch. Right. They did this completely accidentally.

Exactly. Paige, we know why they did this. No, a hundred. That Oklahoman warden could not wait to kill a Wayne Brady. That's all I'm saying. Right, yeah. So, but he says, Glenn Beck says, you know, this Edward Wayne Brady is so guilty. There was a string of murders.

There was incontrovertible evidence. We had a confession. There was a jury of his peers. I'm like, why would there be a jury if he confessed? That's not, they don't do that. What was the jury doing? Like, yeah, it is his hand writing. Not guilty, I did it.

Sounds about right. Well, this is Glenn Beck's show. We shouldn't hold him to the standard of truth. Right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's not what you're going to find there. But the guy who's listening to this radio is Dr. James Martin, who is the replacement psychiatrist

that has to attest to this guy's sanity now that the other psychiatrist has jumped out of the window right and they're gonna give him like an hour and a half to do it so it's he's got him he's got a little time on this yeah and he greets the warden and the wardens like welcome to the least happy place on earth and I love that that's always a movie trope right there's never someone who's just like hi welcome to this prison this is what it's called yeah all the wardens apparently sit around welcome to hell zip zap zop and then they come up with their with their best one-liners singers for everyone who walks into their prison you do what you don't see is the dry erase board in the

warden's office of what he's gonna describe He's got a bunch of shitty ones crossed out. Yeah Least most happy no Damn it dollar in the idea jar Chris on the sad meal. God damn it. That's bad. It's like Disney was hell Sorry, cross it. I'll cross it. That's terrible. Just Mr. Toad's wild ride, but the hell part. All right. And so we should probably just go ahead and confront this upfront in the review. This movie has very wide margins, right, to get to its 90 minute runtime. But basically it's all one scene and there's just a bunch of shit on either side of the.

So this whole sequence of him walking in and getting all of this exposition that doesn't matter that we don't need or whatever. This is just so that we can get to 90 minutes by the time it's a movie. Right? Right. Right. And I would like to ask, I did not realize this too much later in the movie, but I'd like to pose a question now to see if anyone else noticed this. I am convinced, you cannot convince me otherwise,

that Dr. James Martin is wearing a wig, thoughts. 100%. Oh, interesting. Yeah, that hair did not look real. It shifts on his skull several times throughout the movie. There's no way this man's not wearing a wig. It's also like two inches off his head. Yes, it's insane. It's so tall.

Yeah, no, it is, it is. You notice. Coughed vertically. During the strangling. Yes. Which I already spoiled. Yep. He doesn't touch his hair.

Nope. He's doing a very localized strangling. Oh, you're right, he is. And you also noticed that the actor is not struggling in any way against his strangling. That might be for the same reason. Yeah. For me, the thing that like I couldn't place what looked weird about him.

And then they brought up shaving the other guy and I was like, oh my God, wig. And then I noticed that there was a piece of it that was out of place, but not the way that normal hair would be. And I was like, hmm, wig. All right. Interesting theory. I just looked up his picture on IMDB page. Yes a very different hairline It's not like he's lost all his hair or anything like no no just a wig ass wig But in this there's a little bit of it like a widow's peak okay, and then in real life not so much

Yeah, interesting. Yeah, interesting. I wonder why they chose to do that. I wonder why they just do a lot of shit But basically what the warden tells him as they're walking through here, Pad in the runtime, is he's like, hey, look, this guy, this guy, he'll get in your head. He's like Hannibal Lecter if he was played by a much worse actor. Right. And written by an idiot and written by an idiot. Right. I once had an inspector come to my house and I was like, I'm a sovereign citizen. You can't, my name's in lower case.

So you can't make me sign my name on that piece of paper. I'm the resident formally known as Todd. But yeah, but so but they're walking through and the warden's like, well, you know, he's definitely just acting so that we, you know, pretending to be insane so he can use the insanity defense. And the psychiatrist is like, well, it's my, come on man, my job is to take them seriously. So don't, don't do that.

Also not to bring the vibes down, but the insanity defense is not something you can use against execution. And we know that thanks to the great state of Texas. Yeah, Oklahoma does it too, yeah. Which is wild that they even have this because Oklahoma be killing people like it's fun. Right!

All the time. Sure do. They portray that in this movie because this Warden is jazzed up to kill Wayne Brady. So psyched. He keeps coming in. He can't fucking wait. His entire fucking role is to come in every few minutes and go like, huh? Can we, can we, can we?

Can I kill that guy yet? I really want to kill that guy. Come on, man. Come on, mom. I mean, we don't know his name, but like if we saw his desk, it's like it's like warden stakes and McGillicuddy because that's all he's doing is giving us the stakes every time he's on screen. Like that's all he is just playing a series of hangman games, trying to come up with catchphrases. So this is where they finally they get him to the prisoner and this is where we meet Edward Wayne Brady and the way that we know that he's insane that he's that he's all crazied up is this actor has decided to do a lot of facial ticks.

Oh, just all the facial ticks all the time. Yeah, so many. It's less crazy person and more men in black one alien has fit himself into a corpse that's too small. He does look more like an Edgar suit. He's wearing an Edgar suit. Yeah. It made me start to wonder if the actor had Tourette's or something that was causing the tics, but then I noticed that they would change from when he was not possessed versus possessed,

and not possessed had way more and a stutter. And I was like, this is a choice. This is an unfortunate choice. It is, well, and then also like he'd forget it sometimes too. They'd go whole scenes and he'd just be like, oh wait, shit, I have tics, I have tics. Oh no. He'd like try to throw in 37 tics right at the end.

They're like, I didn't forget, you forgot. And occasionally he goes too hard in the acting and ends up too growly and you watch him pull it back, right? You'll be like, let me tell you something, James. And he's like, oh, shit, I'm Alex Jones. Fuck, I ended in Alex Jones. Your world is dying because you're making the frogs gay. The current of the day of frogs gay.

And I love it, but I'm going to talk about it like I don't love it. I'm in favor of it. So yeah, so but the prisoners tell something like they, he has this moment like where he walks in and he's like, hello, prisoner, my name is, and then he just, he says, your name is such and such and you went to such and such a school and your favorite color is blue and your favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird or whatever he just goes off on this long list of I know everything about you kind of shit and the guy's like all right well that sped things up I guess. It's my resume. But like here's the thing he will later reveal stuff that there's no way he could know without demon powers and the guy will react the same way right in this scene he's yeah, so you read my CV somewhere. Those things are publicly accessible. It's 2023 when we release this movie. I don't realize you saw my LinkedIn profile. Like, what are we talking about? Did you

poke me on Facebook? What? But then later he'll be like, this is the secret thought you had on your seventh birthday. And he'll be like, you might've thought you had on your seventh birthday and he'll be like you might have googled that as well I don't know Well, so and that but the prisoner explains he's like I made that other psychiatrist kill himself at the beginning of the movie Because I wanted you to come here because I wanted you to write my story Now that's gonna be pivotal to the plot there that the demon wants him to write his story It's pivotal to the plot there that the demon wants him to write his story. It's pivotal to the plot in so much as that is the it is the first time they say he's

going to do something that he absolutely does not do, but they continue to say he does. Yeah. So, but he's like, Hey, look, man, I'm not here to write your story. I'm here to determine whether or not you're sane enough to be executed. And he's like, No, actually, I want the death penalty. I'm looking forward to it because I'm a demon. I'm immortal and a demon. And he's like, this is my first really hard laugh of the movie.

He's like, oh, really? What's your name? And he's like, I've been known by many names, but you can call me nefarious. No, no, it's even dumber. It's nefarious. Yeah, nefarious. It's nefarious. But like it, it's even dumber. It's nefarious. Yeah, nefarious. It's nefarious, but like it was in a Harry Potter spell. It's so goddamn stupid.

I wrote in my notes, really, was bad guy McScarry taken? Couldn't get the rights to Ooga Booga Booga Booga Booga? But like the one thing I know about demons is that if you know their name, it gives you power over them, right? Yeah. Yeah. The fact that from Jump Street, this demon gave away his name, let me know that an idiot wrote this movie.

And or it was a really dumb demon. Like this is the stupidest demon they had. They're like, oh, put him in a death row inmate where he can't fuck anything up, you know Hey, what's the one with the obvious? Yeah. Yeah No one's gonna believe him anyway, cuz his name's the fairy I'm gonna send him a send him up he's fine Where's food poisoning Steve? Oh, he's busy He's at the salad bar don't worry about it This is why the whole like giving him the name

immediately is why I knew that this was probably a Protestant movie and not a Catholic movie. Oh yeah for sure. Because Protestants do believe in demon possession but don't believe in the name part because they don't believe in the exorcism rites. Right. And so it's like a weird distinction that I was like oh I see where you're coming from. Well, also the priest comes in like the middle of the like this scene or whatever. Wait for it. And he's like, we don't believe in exorcisms.

And I'm like, you do still though. You do. You guys have. And he's also he's wearing a falsa blanket as like almost like a kente cloth. It's real weird. Paige, sometimes pastors get cold. Like what do you expect them to do? That prison is drafty. You guys are getting way ahead of us here.

Yeah, we're way ahead, way ahead. So yeah, but this is the part where Nefi, that's what I call Nefari Amos because I'm not gonna write Nefari Amos out of Nefi fucking too. So Nefi says to him, he's like, before you leave here today, you will have committed

three murders. And James is like, I know. No, I won't though. And spoiler alert, no, he won't. No, he won't. And he doesn't. Although the movie thinks he does. Yeah.

Yep. The movie will try to convince us that he did. Yeah, that's for sure. But he's like, so tell me a little bit about demonic possession. I'm the world's worst psychiatrist, as I will reinforce over and over again in this film. He's such a bad psychiatrist. It's amazing.

It's almost the plot of the film. Yeah. He's like, tell me about how this demonic possession works. He's like, well, it starts off when you're a kid and you do bad things like stealing toy cars. And I'm like, is that all it takes? No, no, no, no.

He goes, Grandma gave Edward a Ouija board when he was a kid, which made the job way easier. You got to love that Protestant slippery slope ism, right? Because look, that's exactly what it is. Yeah. You guys have watched a lot of horror movies, but I challenge you to watch a horror movie where the demon gets in via Hasbro. I mean, there is that one movie. There is Ouija.

Yeah. But he explains that demonic possession is indistinguishable from just being an immoral person and then I'm like, oh, well, so demons are superfluous then. Yeah. Right. The psychologist points that out, right? He's like, oh, that seems so demons are superfluous then. Yeah. And the psychologist points that out, right? He's like, oh, that seems like a stupid and random way to take possession. And he's like, no.

No, it's smart. It's like the Joker's plan from The Dark Knight. It just worked out. It's the deep state. They've been planning it this whole time. Yeah. Yeah. So and then James, the psychiatrist,

he radios the guard. And he's like, hey, can you send in the chaplain? There needs to be some kind of scene break here somewhere. Right. Right. So and the demons like, no, don't bring in the chaplain. I'm scared of them. And that's when I realized that this movie is at least in part like a chaplain fantasy movie.

Right. Like this is a chaplain fantasizing about that one time there was something they were qualified to do that a psychologist couldn't do. The best way I can describe this scene is to tell you a quick story. That story is one time my dad told me that Ouija boards don't work in his presence. And that very much felt like this scene to me for that. He was just trying to brag about it later at a party. And that's what we're overhearing if that makes sense.

Now I really want to use a Ouija board in front of your dad and be like your powers have no strength here sir. Sadly the only way to reach my father would be with a Ouija board. But that would upset him. And they don't work in his presence so there's no funny way in. That'd be great. We could just push it around Todd and be, son, sorry I was such a nozzle. Oh, you mean like exactly what I'm doing in therapy?

Exactly, exactly. Come on, somebody get me on BetterHelp. So there's a great moment here too, where James goes like, he's like, well, you know, I don't believe in demons, you have no power over me because I'm an atheist. And there's like an orchestra, sting, ding, ding, ding. And then Neffy goes,

you ignorant sack of meat. I was like, this is at least the second line of dialogue they've lifted from an orc in Lord of the Rings. Oh, I was going to say, Megatron, so fucking stupid. Fucking dancing song. He goes, you think your atheism will protect you? And I'm like, no, that's you guys. You guys think that your worldview will protect you from evil.

Bro, I love that they see atheists as like someone who thinks that non-belief is a shield that will shield them from actual demons or whatever. And not that like none of that exists, so we just don't have to worry about it. Yeah. Those are two very different concepts that the writer of this movie struggles to deal with. Right. Because I feel like for any atheist, if a demon just orbed out of the ground in front of them, they'd be like, I am recognizing that this is happening in front of me and my atheism has nothing to do with it. That's right.

Therefore, therefore I no longer am an atheist, or at least my atheism is going to accommodate demons and shit now. Exactly. You know what it would take for me to not be atheist? Proof. That's it. Any proof. And then I wouldn't be.

A fucking demon was sure do it Yeah so and but the demon is like hell is full of Atheists like you who disagreed with me on Facebook and made me feel stupid because I thought I was gonna win that argument But my goddamn niece I bet she cheated somehow and made it so my kids wouldn't come for like They gotta go to her parents house or whatever. So yeah, but then a light bulb explodes because this movie is so little going on that they're like, I don't know, man, blow up a light bulb.

Have that some, some thing has to happen eventually. The writer was like, how do we get up to the scene? And he was like, you know, I just rewatched like the early X-Men movies. Let's do it. Let's crack a light bulb like where Professor Xavier's school for the gifted. Is Halle Berry free? No? Yeah.

So we get the light bulb explosion and then the chaplain walks in. And there's this great moment where like, the psychiatrist walks off to talk to the chaplain sort of like aside. They're in a very large room together. And we're watching that happen. And in the background, you can see the actor playing the demon, like sort of stalking back and forth, but he's chained to the table. So he's

trying to pace, but he's chained to the, so he can't go anywhere. So it's like if you knock when you knock a Koopa Troopa down into one of those very narrow spaces, it looks so fucking funny. And you're like, why would you film it in that direction? You could just film it in the other direction and we couldn't see that guy. Yes. Exactly, exactly. You could frame him out.

It's so silly. But yeah. But they shot this over like long weekend at the abandoned prison. So we don't have time to move the camera that far guys. I refuse to think that they shot this on location anywhere. This is definitely a built set with wall panels. A hundred percent.

Paige, I'm not a hundred percent sure you couldn't convince me that this wasn't shot in what would essentially be a warm gym with the stage attached while we and the other cult members watch dear leaders production of, gee, don't atheists suck? Yeah, 100%. That's what this feels like. Oh, they shot this in the like,

while James Spader was eating lunch on the blacklist, they were like, hey, do you mind if we pop onto the set? What? I noticed James got sushi today. But this is the thing, they shot this in somebody's fucking living room. This set is so ridiculous. So you're talking about the walls, right?

The panel, and like, I watched them the whole time thinking, is it cake? They could not be center block fucking walls. It's insane. Yes. And part of it is, so in One Direction, they have like a hallway that he could just walk out of, even though it's a prison. But it's clearly multiple panels staggered to make it look like there's depth when there's not. But then on the other side, I called them Bible brick walls because they were the same kinds of brick

that the set painters would paint whenever we did Christmas pageants or Easter pageants. But the problem was they didn't get them level to the floor. So there's a slant to them, like painted. And you, I could not stop looking at it. I was like, this wall is not sound. Like this is, whoever painted this panel didn't do their plumb lines, right? Or something, or they just recycled them from a different set.

But it's bonkers bad. It's cheap. It is. Yeah, it's real bad. So but so the demons all worried about this chaplain, but then the chaplain comes up and he's like, Hey, man, you know, we don't actually believe that demonic possession is a thing that was supposed to be metaphorical in the book. And I'm like, dude, Jesus speaks to demons in the book. He cast demons into pigs and then kills the pigs to get rid of the demons.

There is like almost that entire goddamn part of the book is metaphorical. That's one of the few things that definitely isn't metaphorical in the book. Okay. I had a weird experience watching this where he he goes to ask the priest to come in. He goes, father. And then it cut to a chewy commercial of a dog running down the hallway. For a hot second, I was like, are we about to have a dog priest before they let us have women priests? What's going on? But it was not a dog priest. It was just a regular priest. But yes, I felt the same way when he was like, this is metaphorical.

And I'm like, of all the things that are metaphorical, like the whole book of Revelation and like a whole bunch of shit. Sure. Yeah. This is not one of them. And it's one of those things that like as someone who grew up in the church and still believes to a degree, I have come to the belief of like, I think there's weird spiritual stuff going on in the world that we can't control and we shouldn't fuck with.

But if someone says they're possessed, we should definitely get them every medical and like mental health intervention first before we even entertain this. That's exactly right. So mental health issues were not understood at all at the time that the Bible was written. So they did. That's what they thought demons were. Right. And so very clearly that's what they're talking about. They're talking about people having seizures, that people have having schizophrenia or things like that. Right. And that was the diagnosis of the time. But of course, they can't admit that that's what it was because that takes all that robs it of its magic. And then

what did Jesus kill those pigs for, you know? Right. And your ability to control other people, right? So, like, as science has, like, peeled back the mystery of the universe, not all of it, but, you know, some of it, that, you know, they've lost some of that control, and this is their reaction to it. That's why this movie hates knowledge. It equates demons with knowledge.

Over and over again. Or in this movie, so many times. That is like a microcosm of that bigger thing. Are we 100% sure that Jesus didn't want just a bunch of bacon for a breakfast the next day? Exactly, that's what it was. The buffet was all out by the time he woke up and he was like, ooh, they're filled with demons.

Damn it! If you never had blackened bacon, blackened because it's demonic. Right. I'm missing now. There you go. Although I gotta admit something to you. I have not been able to think about anything other than an Air Bud remake of The Exorcist since Paige brought up the dog flubbers.

I love it. There's nothing in the Bible that says a dog can't exorcise demons. Right? Yeah. So. He's just, he's like nosing holy water onto him. Slobbering it. He's slaughtering the holy. Yeah. He's got one of those like covered in holy water. He does the shake the shake. So all right. So so the priest leaves the demons

like, oh, I don't have to worry about you. You're a metaphorical priest. Go get out of here. And then James sits back down to finish this stupid fucking movie. And he's like, I still don't believe you're a demon. The priest just told you that those don't really exist. And he's like, oh, how can I prove it to you? And I'm like, I would say do the light bulb thing again, but let me choose the light bulb.

Right, that's all we can. Three, two, one, now? Right, yeah, exactly. But he says, let me choose the light bulb right that's all. 3, 2, 1 now? Right yeah exactly but he says let me possess you and he's like no you can't possess me and he's like oh are you scared are you a chicken he's like I'm not a chicken you can possess me go ahead try it try it I bet you can't possess me and he doesn't and this never comes back. That's why I was laughing. I was like, they do this. And then I guess maybe at the end of the movie, it does come back because he hears his voice

in his head. Right. I don't think that denotes possession. And I think that because that could be a stress response, socioeconomic level, the movie doesn't see him as a demon, even though he should be. Right. Narratively, it's the homeless person at the end, not him. Yeah.

So like, it's this movie's truly trash. Yeah, I guess. But this is where he's like, OK, so I let you inhabit me. Now I have a request. I want to talk to Edward, the guy that you're possessing. I've been talking to the demon this whole time. I want to talk with the dude down in there. So then this is where Sean Patrick Flannery, the guy playing the

the demon, tries to do a different character. And what we're all thinking, of course, is, oh, well, this will be easy. Just lose the facial tick, use your actual accent, something like that. But no! Because he's doing so much. Like, he's going to the wall with his performative nature

of the demonic possession. So he could just, like, sit still and talk normally, and it would be weird. He could just be Sean Patrick fucking Flannery. Yes, but he doesn't. He doesn't. He still has the facial tick. He still has the stutter. He's just like meek now. It's such a weird fucking acting choice. It is. I would argue it's not really an acting choice. It's just doing the same thing as a camera pans from one side of your other main character to the other Well, isn't that fucking funny that they accidentally set up psychomachia?

because the way that we distinguish between whether or not he's the demon or The guy that's possessed is we move from one side of the shoulder to the other So we literally end up with a spot where the doctor has the angel on one shoulder and the demon on the other. I'm so glad you're bringing this up. I was losing my mind. I didn't even want to write it in the notes. I lost my mind that they were doing it like it was a demon. It was so funny guys.

I lost it. And to Todd's point too, there's a great line here where now that we're talking to Edward, the possessed guy, he says, and I quote, sometimes smart people have a hard time believing stuff that everybody else knows. That might as well be the Dunning-Kruger effects tagline. Yes. So crazy. Yes. So fucking dumb.

But the point of this interaction with Edward, right, the real person, is that Nefarious has been setting up Edward to get in trouble like a shitty older brother Yeah, right Nefarious commits a bunch of murders And then Edward has to go to jail and this will play out in the way that I'm pretty sure the movie thinks is like very serious Randish yes so sad for him. Cause I was like, that does sound good. That does sound delicious.

Guys, I would be livid if my last meal, even though I like In-N-Out, was basically In-N-Out. $25 is not enough. We'll get there. We'll get there. Nefarious, he's literal, he sets up literally Nefarious, the demon from hell,

canceling his cheeseburger order as a prank. Yep. It's awesome though, because when he goes back into Nefarious voice, he's like, got him. Yeah, totally. So yeah, so, but the doctor's like, alright, so I think we're done here. You're very clearly actually insane. And then the demon turns to him and he goes at least I didn't kill my mother

Yeah, oh Okay, so and then this is where we go but we go back over his right shoulder where the demon lives exactly Yeah, so this is where we're gonna get the psychiatrists first murder. Yep. Yes that and big quotes though Can we in big? Oh, yes Which is that he already let his mother die with dignity So first of all the promise was you're gonna commit three murders before you leave today not you will have kind of committed a murder According to my value system way before today Well, yeah way before today because I'd argue like, he does say you'll commit three murders today.

And even if he stabbed his mother in the face a week ago, That wouldn't count as today. He did not commit that murder today. Thank you. Already, timeline's messed up. Also, pretty sure he's not the one who killed his mom, even by your own values. He didn't like smother her. It's not like the doctor's like, great, and now you'll take this big sacrificial spiky

dagger and just plunge it into your mom's heart. Sorry, we're all out of the pills. Yeah, right. But that's the rant here. He's like, you know, you think I'm so bad. I'm on death row for the murders I committed, but you assisted your mother's suicide. That's the same thing. And that's where I wrote my notes. I'm like, you got to love the Christian movie, random political rant. It just, it's like the Spanish Inquisition.

You never expected there. It's you always should have. Yeah. It's just such a false equivalency though. It's like, one of them murdered, what is it? Like 11 people? Yes? We never really addressed that at all because what really we need to talk about is this one guy helping his mother end her life in a way that she chose to end it. And they set up that she has like pancreatic cancer or some shit like she's dying in a most miserable fucking way. Exactly. It seemed like the movie was like, didn't we get him? And I was like, no, no, you just compared compassionate ending, you know, compassionately ending someone's life to murder.

Yeah. And that is fundamentally a place I cannot get to with you. Like I euthanized my cat. That's way different than what Michael Vick did. Okay. Like, I'm sorry, those are two different situations. Yes. So, and then, and then, but he's like,

I said you'd commit three murders, that's one. And then James, the psychiatrist, clears the desk like a 10 year old losing at Monopoly. You got me! Have you ever done that in your life? Cleared a table, not sexily? Like you just like out of rage, smashed everything onto the floor?

Absolutely, goddamn, lutely, but I know I Found a safer person to be You can think anything you've ever seen someone do in a movie that you're like Well, no one would actually do that while you're and Noah's out there just doing it. He's doing it for the US populace I'm not anymore since the heart attack. I've calmed down. But yes for the US populace. I'm not anymore. Since the heart attack, I've calmed down, but yes. Absolutely.

Noah cannot wait to pensively walk into a bathroom and splash cold water on his face. I've seen it. You've been in an airport with me. Yeah. He stands up and there's me behind him. And there's also, there's this great fucking moment where like, you know, he clears the thing and he clears the papers and the prisoner, Edward, the nefie, the demon says, feel free to take a break. If this ever gets put on TV and they need to throw a commercial here or if they want

an act break for God awful movies. It was almost like he, after that they were expecting it to be like a bladadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad it to be like a bladabla bladabla Yeah, yeah, right kind of a thing on the end of it like I had this was the moment at which and and I put it In the notes, so I'm like you can timestamp it. I was like, oh next one's gonna be abortion Yes, like they absolutely were like this is like oh death is bad You can't kill people death or dignity which oddly enough the version of Jesus I was raised in, they're like, yeah, we'll see them in heaven. It's fine. Let them go.

But like, apparently this one, the cult I was born in was not that way. Definitely not that way. But yeah, this one, they're super into it. But I also have just now noticed in the notes, his mother's name is Claire James. And when I was watching it, I was like, is it Claire after Clarice? Like, or like, is that why they're doing it? No. But what I also noticed is if her last name is James and his first name is James. Fuck yes. His name is James James. I love it. Is the fucking writer forgetting whether

he made that the first name or the last name. I think he just likes the name James. Oh my god. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, I've never had a movie more thoroughly tossed to its own interstitial. So I guess we're going to be back in a minute with even more nefarious. Okay what about the mint berry scrunch? That definitely doesn't sound right.

Yeah I don't want to do that one. Hey page Hey, Eli, what's up with the workout gear? Yeah. Why do you guys have matching headbands? Yeah one It's called emailing ahead but to know we're trying to make a workout in between our segments Yeah, everything we were finding online is way too intense or written by a demonstrably crazy person Well, look guys if you're looking to up your workout with the guidance of an expert, why don't you try FitBod? What's FitBod? It's a fitness app that customizes each workout based on your goals and adapts them as you improve.

So no trying to do the 50-day fire crunch? Or the 180-day burn sizzle? Exactly. Whatever those are. I signed up for FitBod when they became a sponsor, and I love how I can tell it the equipment I have available to me that day so I can get a great workout whether I'm in a fully stocked gym or a hotel room. That's why I, Noah Lujans, personally endorse FitBod. Alright Noah, I'm sold. Where do I sign up?

Add FitBod to your workout essentials. Join FitBod today to get your personalized workout plan, get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free at fitbod.me slash gam. That's F I T B O D dot M E slash G A M. All right, Noah. Thanks. So no 180 day burn sizzle? No, I'm still keeping the calendar though because of the because of the picture of the guy on it. Among other things, yes. Mr. Everett, I'm Dr. Brown. And did you are.

Born 1988, graduated third in your class, Doctor of Psychology. Uh, yes, yeah. So what I wanted to talk to you about today- Published in Psychology Today and commended with the American Psychological Association Award for contributions both academic and practical. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, uh, what I want- Don't you want to know how I did all that

stuff? How I do that? I- I assume you read it on my website. Oh! It's just on your website? Yep. Oh. Well, I didn't read it there.

I- I feel like you did. I didn't know it was on there until you- I don't even have a phone. I'm't read it there. I feel like you did. I didn't know it was on there until you... I don't even have a phone. I'm in prison, man. Right, but I mean, the library has computers. It seems weird. Yes, but I haven't used the computers. Okay. If you say so. Um, did you ask another prisoner? No, I didn't do that. None of it. No. None of that either.

Okay, fine. Why don't you tell me how you know my resume? I'm a demon. I got it. So you want me to believe that because you knew my resume, which we just covered is available online and accessible to anybody, that you are a non-existent magical creature. You also have brown hair. That is looking with your eyes. My demon eyes.

No, just normal eyes. And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left off our hero was scattering his paper in a temper tantrum so we're gonna rejoin the action with him cleaning them up and then sitting back down awkward Sorry, I I realized my character is supposed to be a psychiatrist and that's um Literally the worst thing is like And how did that make you feel yeah, right Well, and the and the fucking the prisoner dude goes he goes ready for round two in case the well That's one of your three murders and the take a break and all of this happening precisely to the minute

1-3rd of the way to the credits Enough to cue us in on the fact that we're at act I got it man. I got grandma wake up Well see what happened was the guy who wrote this movie wrote because he was just trying to like just start writing He was like ready for act two? And he was like, no, space, space, space, space, or delete, delete, delete, delete, round two. Now we're off to the races.

Jesus, let's go. Well, so the writer in this is, I love him so much, cause over and over again, they need for Nefarious to do like the demonic version of the Hannibal Lecter genius rant. Right. But it's written by an idiot. Right.

So what he literally does is he's like, the Oxford English Dictionary defines disassociation. It's like so dumb. Like a commencement speech. Yes, exactly. But that Catholic kicker who got in a lot of trouble that night. Yeah, he's embarrassing.

Oh, that speech was so crazy. Yeah, wasn't it though? He calls him, at one point he calls him a devout atheist. I'm like, what do you think devout means, people? That's exactly what I mean. Like this movie fundamentally doesn't understand. It's one of its main characters, like life worldview. And it's like trying to like write that character. It's so funny to me.

I mean, with the exact act breaks, it made me feel like this screenwriter was just writing with like screenplay by Sid Field in one hand and then the final draft guide in the other. And I was like, bro, what are we doing? Wait, when did this movie come out? Last year. Was this written by like AI Jesus GPT. Yeah

Rants are they fed chat GPT the introduction to save the cat and they were like We give him story circles to know that might make might make it good. No, too good. No, do not give it Joseph Campbell, please. Timbal's Heroes of a Thousand Faces. It'll get too good, yeah. All the failed writers in our audience are like, I get those jokes because I read those books. We're making those jokes because we are also failed writers. One of us isn't, but yeah.

They're all on my bookshelf, so. I'm looking at them right now, Paige. I'm staring. I'm looking at their sweet, sweet broken spine. So the demon though, at this point, there's a another great moment. Again, speaking to Todd's point here about how they have no idea how fucking atheists work. There's this moment where James is surprised that the demon believes in God, Right. Which he would have to because there's no demons without God. If I didn't, like if I was from hell, I would believe in hell.

Right? I mean in this movie, like if you, of course, like it, if I'm living in the world of this movie, I believe in God because I'm talking to it. Like if that's a really a demon, God exists. Right, kind of has to. Yeah. It's insane that he's saying like the day. I don't know this whole thing's insane Yes, he goes. I'm surprised. I wouldn't think a demon would know about theology He goes I know more theology than any human who has ever lived and and James goes, okay

Answer me this and I still wanted him to both like bust out a tough theology question He's like, right. What are the three elements of Providence doctrine and what distinguishes them from contemporary rabbinical teachings? Oh, shit. Dude, I almost messaged Dr. Dan to ask him to write that joke for me. Exactly. It's like, give me a tough theological question. Oh, advanced theology demon is my new favorite character.

So you've really got to understand Greek as code as it was translated in later edition. So the thing about Calvinism is that like if we look at determinism and free will, is it really free or are we the elect? Discuss! Well before the council of Nicaea, there were some people that like believed he was a dude and some people believed he was a god. Do you have access to my stuff on Nexus Lexus? Because I'm going to have to charge you for each paper. If we're looking at the King James version, we really have to go back to the original Aramaic. So now, and then the demon is going to explain Satan's rebellion to us, right?

And I wrote in my notes, wow, I bet we flash into some awesome high budget, CGI filled action sequences of heavenly combat during this part. Or at least animation or something. Something now. I always love it. And I know I talked about this before, but I always love that Christian movies dedicated to a Christian message, right? Will just make up whatever the fuck they want about their own mythology, right?

Yes! This is a fucking Angels reboot that would make the boys writers cringe. I know! Like, I was listening to it and I was like, none of this is right, but I watched the shit out of it, let's go! I'm pretty sure that according to his description, the angels became self-aware and then noticed God around. Yeah. Like they ran into him at the bodega twice in the row and they were like, I think that guy might be God. Well, and this whole monologue

that he gives, it's just utterly meaningless nonsense. Like I said, it has no theological basis, no biblical basis, but the writer was just beaming over it. He's like, he's running into say to his wife, honey, I use the word feathered. I'm just kidding. I'm Russian. That word a day calendar is really paying off on things. I can write that off on my taxes. I appreciate it. He tries to do this super clever thing, right? There's this moment where he's like, so tell me is hell a state of being or a physical place and he's like yes

And you can tell everyone was just jerking themselves off how proud they were but then again I don't know why they let me write one line of the movie because the psychiatrist is like no That's actually an either or question. You actually can If it's a place then the other part doesn't matter, right? Like if it's an and here... Some people would argue that hell is right now on Earth and is this real? But no, he doesn't go into any of it. The Oxford English Dictionary defines hell as...

Right, but again, the point of this monologue is that demons attack humans and damn them to hell as a gotcha against their old boss. Because humans are Yahweh's toys and the demons are the bullies breaking his shit. But is this the scene where he's like talking about the rebellion in heaven or whatever? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So like, this is the scene that made me think it was a Mormon movie, because this is like what Mormons believe guys. I hate to break it to you. This is what I grew up on sort of. Oh, this is straight up pearl of great price, baby.

Let's go. Yes. It certainly wasn't written in a drug fueled haze while some man was staring in a hat. It's fine. But when I was, that's why this happened before we started recording, but I was like, I thought this might've been a Mormon movie because of this right here. He positions the rebellion in heaven

as this like a third of the hosts are like, hey, why don't we have rights too? Like they're gonna show up to a January 6th rally with a sign that says like, no obedience without freedom of choice or some shit. And then they get cast out of heaven, January 6 rally with a sign that says like no obedience without freedom of choice or some shit. And then they get cast out of heaven, which I guess was ultimately their plan the whole time.

It's sort of alluded to. I don't know. It's insane. Yeah. But like this is sort of what Mormons believe. Interesting. Well, like I said, Glenn Beck is in this movie. Don't worry.

We'll get there eventually. Yes. Tease that. So yeah, we knew there was some Mormon connection going there. Yeah. But so yeah. And at this point, James says, OK, man, I'm done with my evaluation. You're very clearly actually insane. For me to allow them to go forward with this execution would be murder. And the demon goes, murder? Like yo mama? You know, so funny. And they

think it's this big God your moment. I'm like, it's a yo He just yo mama to him though, man Come on, that can't be so because to leave and he goes, let me ask you one question before you walk out that door He's like Colombo style. He's like Colombo style. Yes What's Melanie up to today? I honestly thought it was gonna start that music from well shit. What show is that? Yes, where everyone's boomer dad solved very obvious murders Everyone's boomer dad thinks he knows what a murder is. Yeah, right.

Right. But it turns out that Mel, first of all, it turns out the page ding, ding, ding. You nailed it. Yes. It turns out that his girlfriend is as they speak, aborting their baby. That day. That day. That moment.

Isn't that something you should at least be there for or like help support with They're like if they want you there sure like it's weird that he's not I guess very weird It's like hey, you're gonna go get that third abortion this week right cool I'm gonna go ahead and go do my day job because nothing new is happening Yeah, like I would definitely at least offer to be there. You know what I'm saying? Well, and what I love do is the demon is just make it such a great pro-abortion case, right? Because he goes, if you wanted, if you really loved her, you could call her right now and tell her to keep the baby and say that you wanted to marry her and raise that baby with her, but you won't, so it's murder.

And I'm like, yeah, right, no, you guys can have a marriage based on a guilt baby. That sounds great for everybody, right? Oh, how were you born? That sounds wonderful. So I was talking to a serial killer. And gee, you're going to love this. You're going to love this. I'm so glad we talked about this on one of the weekends I get to see you. Let me tell you how we picked your name, Damien.

Yeah, right, right. Neferi Amos. Why is my middle name Neferi Amos? Well, let me tell you. Let me tell you. In the English translation, the closest we can get to Why is my middle name Neferi Amos? Well, let me tell you. Let me tell you. In the English translation, the closest we can get to it. Exactly.

Your middle name is Phoenician? Albus Severus Neferi Amos. Okay. So wait, I also love this because he has this moment where he's like, yeah, yeah, because he's like, oh, it's her body, her choice. He's like, do wilt thou wilt. Yes. Thelama. And then he forgets that it's

shall be the whole of the law. Right? So instead he goes, do what thou wilt. Is the whole bit. Is the whole thing. I'm all about it. I'm loving it. Alastair Crowley's like, I don't get a lot of chances to roll over in my grave, guys. Crowley pops up. I was actually a pretty bad dude, and I'd love for you guys not to associate me with you. Bye! I'll put my penis in your body. I could not get over the fact that a Christian movie was like, you know, we got to quote

Aleister Crowley. And I was like, who had what poor intern had to look that up. Right. Right. Well, and the point he's making is so stupid because, because James goes, is her choice, it's her choice, what to do with the, with the fetus and he has to do is that well, it should be the whole of the law. Gotcha. That's Satan stuff. And I'm like, okay, but that would be equally applicable if she was buying pretzels. Right. Like, I mean, that's just, that's not bad in this instance.

Right. But listen, if you don't want her to have carbs, you could call her right now. Right now. Tell her not to have her. From investing in her. From investing in her. It's pretzels.

Yeah. I'm sending you this video from the guy who calls himself the modern caveman, babe. You've gotta watch this. He's not on steroids. Have you heard of liver king? Liver King. Yes.

And this is where he does the whole Malach monologue, which I love so much. Yes. Abortion is just like Malach. Yes. Which is also like not really in the Bible either. So I was like, what? And also like not only is it not in the Bible, we like historically know how Malach was worshiped. So it's just like a weirdly weird...

It would be like if I was writing a movie and I was like, and in Buddhism they always eat the eyes of the snake first. And so I was like, well, there are books about what Buddhists think. Hang on, are you saying that I should know things? What, are you a demon? Right, yeah, right, right. But also there's this like, you know, I'm writing... In my notes here, I'm like, wow, if your But also there's this like, you know, I'm writing in my notes here

I'm like wow if your holy book had instructions on which babies you should smash against rocks This would be almost as embarrassing if as if it had instructions on how and when to perform abortions Also in the Bible. Yeah. Yeah. Also, can we talk about how funny the horrifying baby sacrifice image that they're going for is right because they're like they would heat up the statue and then they'd place the baby into the hot hands and then the baby would be like the way you do when you go to the beach and the sun is too warm. It's like I should have brought a towel to dry with and a towel to lay on two towels next time. This is not enough towels for this beach. I don't want to be in the water, but the sand is too hot. How often are you supposed to apply sunscreen?

And then, but then he has this like abortion gazm. Oh my God. He's like, oh, I can feel the abortion coming in four, three, two, one. It's the final countdown! Happy New Year! And this is what it looks like when Sting invites you over and proves to you he can orgasm without using his hands.

His hands are so like, they're like a T, like he's on a cross, he's so excited. And he's like orgasming for sure. I would so rather be spattered and Sting's come than watch the rest of this movie. I'd be like, that guy wrote Fields of Gold. This is awesome. I know, right? Like that song slaps. I get it. I hate Stuart Copeland too, Sting. So, but then, but he gets, he feels the abortion flow through him. Thank you. Thank you, Eli, for also being a music nerd. Sometimes teachers have sex with their students and it's chill and cool.

Todd gets it. Wait, what? No, no, no. Hang on. You don't get to go back. No, we move only forward. Don't stand so close to me, Eli. You sound just like my student.

All right, all right. Welcome back to Police Talk. Sorry, I'm right. Welcome back to Police Talk. Sorry. I'm sorry. Welcome back to a clean cut. So, but then James goes to leave the room and of course he goes, that's two murders, James. And he charges outright.

He's got to call his girlfriend and find out if Neffy nailed the abortion timing. And he's like, Hey, did you have the abortion like just now or like just now? But there's this dumb fucking moment where he's not allowed to make a call from the prison. They can't give him his cell phone back without permission. And I'm like, okay, even if this is accurate to how it would be in a prison, why would you add this clumsy detail to your fucking move?

And so down. It is very funny because it adds like a layer of clunk that doesn't need to be there. But he also says the line to the guard behind the glass like hey, can you give me my phone? And he's like no I can't he goes man. This is me begging and I was like no that's you asking This is nowhere close to begging right at all and then he takes him to a payphone in the hallway yeah, right and and so he calls and and he guys I guess he comes his voicemail and She's left him a voicemail of I'm going to kill our baby in three, two, bye. And the crazy thing was she made the same orgasm sound that we just saw in Breaking Bad earlier.

No, I was a little personally affected by this scene because the girlfriend leaves the voicemails in the style of my wife, which is like the voicemail is over, but she's still talking, right? She's like, oh, and that reminds me. Well, no, I'll tell you when I see you. Apple. I want apples from this store. Yeah, but he calls the clinic and he's like, I need to talk to this patient. This is her name. And they're like, so what's your relation? He's like I've friends of hers And they're like, I don't like labels and they're like, alright Heath. Yeah I do love that they like choose to punish this atheist for not marrying the woman He loves that he got pregnant. So now because of like HIPAA

I guess he can't talk to the woman who was carrying his baby a second ago and that's funny to me Uh-huh. Yep. Fucking liberal rules got him after all like HIPAA, I guess he can't talk to the woman who was carrying his baby a second ago. And that's funny to me. The fucking liberal rules got him after all. It was like a boomer was like, what roadblock can we throw up in his face to hurt his feelings and to make everyone think? What if he has to program a VCR to work with the team? No, they can do that. No, that's what I call them for. I was glad he couldn't get ahold of her

because that would have been the worst day of her life. Of like, hey, yeah, I just finished it. We're all good to go. And he's like, no! No! Can you grab it? They have it. Can they put it back in there now that they-

Paige, if he had gotten ahold of her, we would have heard what would have sounded probably like the most comical Dyson vacuum sound from the conversation. Cause it's happening in this same movie. And it doesn't understand anything it's talking about. Be a wood chipper in the background. It's just the sound of someone finishing a 7-Eleven slushie

in the background. Hey babe, what did you want? So, so meanwhile, okay. So we cut back in and Naffy, the guard shows up and he's like, hey, you got to make your last meal request. And he's like, before you get fancy with it, it has to be available from the commissary and it can't go over $25. And I'm like, I'm with you, Todd.

I'm like, well, that sucks. That's not enough. Yeah. Right. Hey guys, guys, if we're going to murder people, which we totally shouldn't as a state, let's go ahead and spring for a lobster, huh? Yeah, right, right, let's give them something nice. We're already doing something so societally insane that I will just have to shrug my shoulders and be like,

I was on your side when future generations asked me about it. Let's go ahead and spring for the full Popeye's meal. You know what I'm saying? The full family. Yeah, let's go ahead and give a little bit of money to anyone who we might possibly be killing. Who's innocent. That's definitely happened statistically. You know, like, I think we can like, you know, even the let's give them a hundred

bucks at least. Come on. Like that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. So he lands on a bacon, double cheeseburger and a chocolate shake.

And just as I'm writing, oh, good call. He goes, well done on that burger. And I cross it out. I'm like, no, well done on that burger. Also, is there a chance for me to snap at a waitress? I'd like to see the waitress. And then he goes and then he turns into the demon. He's like, actually, I've changed my mind.

I don't want anything to eat at all. And that's that's supposed to be like the demons last. Fuck you. But like the guy's getting executed. I think like the demons last fuck you but like the guys getting executed I think like Most but what a low stakes addition to it like we weren't gonna feel bad about him being executed for the murders the demon committed But now that he doesn't get his well-done burger and fries Now that he doesn't get the meat. He just asked them to destroy Yeah, but I did feel like it was super mean of the demon to be like,

Oh, I forgot guys, I ate in hell. I don't need any food. It's fine. Yeah, and weirdly pranky, right? Like, the Ferriamus is going to get down to hell and be like, And you know what else, Satan? He wanted a milkshake and I can't, I can't. Well, I guess it's not. I was there to corrupt all of humanity, but I like to have it. It's pretty low-key. I, now that I think about it. Have you read Ten Minute Manager? This is me self-actualizing. That book's also from my shelf when I gave up and tried to be a corporate person, everybody. Well, and so while that's going on, James is up on the, I guess he went up to the roof

to contemplate the sun that wasn't. The warden shows up to offer him a cigarette and he's like Sitting there going like hold on a second the fact that my girlfriend was getting an abortion today wasn't on my LinkedIn profile There's something to this guy after all right like just now is figuring out wait. How could he have known about the abortion? Yeah, so dumb yeah, and the the warden is there to add a time limit to the movie He's like hey, I realized that under normal screenwriting circumstances, this would be multiple days, but James Spader is finishing his sushi. So you have 60 minutes to assess the mental health of this inmate. Yes.

Yeah. He gives him a tease like, might as well hand him a ticking clock and say, see, see now there's stakes. Yeah, you're right. The warden should be wearing flavor, Flav's clock the whole movie, because he is the ticking clock of the movie. He cannot wait to kill Wayne Brady. He just can't. I like that they gave the movie stakes, but wouldn't give any to the inmate. Not unless they were well done.

Well, yeah, right. He couldn't get a good one for 25 bucks anyway. So so but then so James goes back in and he's like, give any to the inmate. Not unless they were well done. Well, yeah, right. Good. Good. One for 25 bucks anyway. So, so, but then, so James goes back and he's like, I demand to know how you know about the abortion. He's like, I'm a demon. He's like, no, you're not.

And he goes, well, you don't know how I know about the abortion. He goes, and I quote, I don't know how you did it, but I also don't know how a professional magician does his tricks. That doesn't make them real magic. And I just thought to myself, you know what? There aren't enough abortion based stage magicians. I feel like there's a lot of material that is untapped there. See, I wish you felt I wish the mother who had hired me for that kids party

felt the same way. Yeah, I'm sorry. She was strong. Pick at your scab. But how crazy would it be if a magician came out and did 15 minutes with a pregnant sidekick and then their final like, the piece of data resistance was making her baby disappear.

Yeah. That would be insane. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. Someone call Chris Angel. There you go. Absolutely. He's not doing anything else. Let's try it. Yeah, he's gotta be free. You do the sod and half illusion,

but instead of the legs being a lady's leg, there's just teeny tiny feet So yeah, so but but he's like I want the truth and then the demon tells him he can't handle the truth So and then the demon starts like speaking Latin to him and he's like you just did that on Google Translate didn't you? It's like I did do that that on Google Translate, didn't you? And he's like, I did do that on Google Translate. I did. The grammar's wrong. The grammar's so wrong that Eli can tell when a person says it out loud. He basically says the equivalent of like, I-eth going-eth thou-eth.

But yeah, but James explains, he's like, you know, we demons were here to corrupt all of humankind. And James is like, well, actually we're winning because of all the liberalism and he starts Liberalism all the wokeness that we've got The demon is just like woke personified Demons love woke that's worry. We started we invented being Yeah, it's so funny cuz it's Glenn Beck trying to do the demons plan for wokeism. Yeah Steve Dees. Yeah. Yeah. At one point he goes the average high

school graduate reads in a sixth grade level and I was like okay well you know that's not true it's in the first half of that sentence disproves the second half of that sentence. Well and then he gets this one this one is so fucking like I we could have done an episode on this line He goes the demon says you have NBA players making 30 million dollars a year to crying racism while wearing sneakers made from slave labor Oh, I had this in my notes to go off Yeah, so okay So first of all, are you saying that racism can't be real if your shoes aren't ethically sourced or are you saying that?

Racism can't be real if a black aren't ethically sourced or are you saying that racism can't be real if a black person makes more money than you? Ever made money. Right. And what's amazing about this is that this is their argument that there isn't racism and it's demonstrative proof of the existence of racism. It also drove me absolutely insane that the demon is like calling out sweatshop labor, but doesn't bring up privatized prison slavery.

Right? Literally the incarcerated are making pennies on the dollar or in some cases going into debt to the prison they're working for to make shit we use every day. But no, no, no. Go off on how it's the basketball players fault Yeah, it's yeah, you can actually look up companies that use those services and stop buying their stuff and sure yeah Yeah, yeah sure again, but the demon explains that we desensitize you with the media That's why you can abort babies and euthanize grannies

The demons could directed call me by your name The demons directed Call Me By Your Name. Right, they're just sitting there being like, I think it's really important. They're just walking into Satan's office with the script for Brokeback Mountain. Okay, hear me out. Hear me out. This is the long game. That's why they had to kill Heath Ledger.

There was a Brokeback Mountain 2 that was gonna come out. Yeah. So they had to kill him before the sequel. Yeah. This time it gets even mountier, you know what I'm saying? Oh, they bring lube this time. Oh, it's just, yeah, broke back mountain, but it's M.O.U.N.T.I.N. Apostrophe. Right. Yeah.

And the demon has this thing where he's like, you know, a lot more people end up in hell than end up in heaven. And the psychiatrist is like, yeah, but that's because of like China and Saudi Arabia and your God being evil and he's like dumb was not no It's you guys he's gay. It's gay. It's gay. Yeah I haven't heard of the gay frogs then huh? So and then like a fucking jump scare that the generator jump scare kicks in as though the movie is Apologizing for how little has happened. Yes. Oh also it is it is sort of an apology for like, oh, shit, guys.

The genre was horror. Yes. We forgot. Sorry. Right. They were just like, oh, fuck, the game guys are going to invite a horror movie podcast on. We have to have a jump scare somewhere. You know, as the resident scaredy cat, like I did jump during the jet. Same here. Same sound effect. It was scary. Yep. So, but yeah, but apparently this is them testing the generator for the electric

chair. Right. I can't believe they use the electric chair. That's so crazy. I can believe that. Well, he goes, he goes like, like nine states have the option for the electric chair. Nobody chooses it, but I'm fucking with Edward. I did you see where I canceled his cheeseburger earlier? He's going to be so pissed about that. Also, can I say I wrote a bunch of jokes in my notes about like,

what a silly thing it would be for nine states to actually allow you to use the electric chair. And it's real. That's real sad. You know what else is real sad? Now that I'm thinking back on his order, did he order it well done as a bit because he's about to be well done. Was it just executed so poorly in this movie that we missed that? That's entirely possible.

He should have ordered it super rare so it would be well done by the time it reaches his stomach. Oh, shit. What a, what a, what a, what a. Love it, love it. That was the best joke ever. Thank you. There's this such a stupid moment here too

because he's like, I want to make sure that Edward suffers. Electrocution is the worst way to go. Well, the only worst way to die is crucifixion. And I'm like, oh, come on, there's so many worse ways to like, I feel like Christians don't know enough methods of execution. Wait, nevermind. I don't think that at all. I feel like they know plenty. Don't give them ideas. Nevermind. Nevermind. Yeah. And Edward comes out for a little bit here. I'm not clear why Edward comes out here, right? Because earlier, Edward came out as like part of their deal.

But now Edward just seems to push his way to the front of the curtains. It's like, hello, I'm here to do my weird voice again. Yep. And just to let you know, I'm really looking forward to that Burger and Shake, guys. So like the quicker you can get that to me, the better. Don't let the devil cancel my order by seeing ever well And so and the demon gets mad at him for pushing his way to the front of the curtain, right? So he stands up and he's like Edward broke the rules and he goes to break his finger, right? Now this is supposed to be like the demon is punishing him with this pain or whatever that he's gonna have to feel but he stands

There for a minute a minute with a dangly broken finger looking like a bad birthday magician left a finger on the dashboard and just kind of has to roll with it. And the best way I can describe this to someone who hasn't seen it is it's not quite, but it's more or less that thing your dad did when he would like tuck his thumb under and like hold his hand up. when he would like tuck his thumb under and like hold his hand up. Yes. And he would pretend his other thumb and he was like, he would like move it. So it looked like his thumb was like, that's exactly what he's doing. When, when the actor in the scene pulls his finger and you hear the brake sound effects, it, he doesn't pull it in a way that breaks it.

He would just pull, he pulled it down. Like he was pushing his finger up a little bit. Yeah, right. It was right. At most it would be like pop, they're like crunch. little bit. Yeah, right. Right. Most it would be like pop. Yeah. You're like crunch. Yeah. And then he puts it in this like chain and then crunches it the other way. Yeah. Yeah. He unbreaks the finger because they very clearly were like, wow, really good acting there. Um, so you're gonna have like a broken

finger for the rest of the movie. And he's like, Oh, um, I unbreak it now. And it's like, no, that's, that's out of joint. You can put things back into their socket. You can't unbreak a finger. And he's like, I'm a demon. Will you put a little red makeup on the finger for the rest of the movie? So it's not silly. They do.

And cause, cause if, cause if it bruises internally, it famously turns red. Yeah. You know what they say? Well, and then James, so he, James was like, I don't know if I'm buying this. You just broke your finger and are not in terrible pain act. And and Effie is like, are you sure you're not ready to move on to act three now? I will say though, if, if the rest of this movie had just been a crazy guy pretending his finger didn't hurt when it did

Yes, I'll tell you something James Don't worry about it. I'm actually laughing my next words started with an O is all yeah laughing But this is where the demon goes back and he's like, no, no, but remember, I want you to write my book for me. So they talk about the book for a little while and apparently, Oh yeah, the book again. Yeah. Neferi Amos wants him to write the dark gospel. Yes. The dark gospel, which is going to be a self-help book written by the psychiatrist of a serial killer. So it's we're fucking eat, pray, love, you know, talking to that guy who killed 11 people really made me think,

are you manifesting your goals correctly? It's just the worst Michelle remembers. The freak wharf. Yeah, but but he explains he's like, look, we're trying to get this dark gospel out for a while. This Jesus guy keeps fucking it up. And I'm like, yeah, man, you picked a fight with an omnipotent, omniscient guy. Like that's you.

You had to know that was not going to go well for you. Right. And there's this weird moment. Again, this is such a Protestant to Protestant conversation. He's like, we'll give you the whole world if you publish the book, James. He's like, yeah, didn't you offer that to Jesus? And he said no. And he's like, yeah, well, the Bible doesn't say that we couldn't have given Jesus the world. It just says that he said no.

Yeah. So. Right. And he goes, also, he goes, you're no carpenter, you know, meaning you're no Jesus. And he's got the moment like, oh, like he just got zinger in the debate. You know, you're no John Kennedy. It is like when someone- You're golf game cerebral.

It is like when someone says something like incoherent to you, but really thinks they nailed it and you're just like, I don't... What? What are you saying? None of that makes sense. No, the look on James's face. Look, it might as well be called the acting freeze, right? That just like that stutter of a look.

Yeah. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, I think this movie just pitched us its idea for a movie. So we're going to give it a minute to figure out what the fuck is going on. But first, let me get back through the hard sell. Will nefarious find his way out of the prison? Will they at least find a way out of that same fucking room? Maybe they can finish the conversation in a courtyard or something.

Anything? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the I can apparently fuck myself conclusion of nefarious. But humans are good. Don't you see, doctor? Your world has fallen to us. Sin runs rampant in the streets.

The blood of the innocent is spilled every day. Black guys vote in almost every election. There's- Whoa! Whoa, sorry. What? Yes, you humans were so easily led astray, it's almost as if the creator made you just- No, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'm just gonna take you back. I'm gonna take you back. The thing about black guys, you said. Yeah, they're just voting away, aren't they? I don't think that's considered a bad thing by like anybody. What? Have you read the Bible? Man, sons of Ham. Ah it's just I'm sorry I just are you suggesting that God wants black people not to be voting? Sure yeah yeah, no, he hates that.

Also, he wants to stop those gay marriages that we love so much in hell. That you love so much, okay, sorry. I just, I wanna be clear, because this is important. Your side is gay marriage and racial equality, and God's side is not those things. Well, I mean... yeah.

You know what? Let's actually talk about that book. Can we talk about the book? Oh yeah, for the wealth and the power. Wealth and power would be nice too. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with a guard coming in to tell James he's needed in another scene. Right? No, the game guys, they need something to happen so they can tell where the scenes break and where the acts break. So you need to come with us.

So he goes in and apparently they found while they were cleaning up Edward cell, they found his James stocking notebook yeah but also a script and also James that's so embarrassing but if you would just look over the first ten pages I'd love your nose I entered it in slam dance and page international but I really would like your feet for just you and me to jam on that. I'm thinking about trying to get it on the blacklist. But this is the moment we realized that like when he said, I want you to write my book, what he actually meant was I want you to pretend like Donald Trump does that he wrote the art

of the deal. I want you to like sell a book I've ghost written, demon written, if you will, for you. Right. Yeah. So in addition to this book though, he's also got this notebook of everything that ever happened to James. And it's even got all his little pictures as a kid and the pictures are cut out. He cut out around the lines like he was scrapbooking or something.

Yeah. I mean, it is a, I'm going to murder you scrapbook. Like that's what it looks like, at least, because it's like Heath Ledger made it while he was trying to get into the mindset of the Joker. It's like that kind of notebook. Right. Right. Right. It was a seven notebook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It looks more like the seven notebook. And he's like, the warden says, oh, well, you know, this is actually really nifty

for me because I want you to find that he's Sane enough to be executed and now that you're worried that he'll murder you Because he's got this book in his thing you're gonna do whatever it takes to get him executed Right he's like now you got some skin in the game because if you don't like say we can kill him Then he'll definitely come kill you right, but he'd still be in prison forever. Still committed 11 murders. Yeah, it's not like if you're like, we're not going to kill him. We're just like, oh, I guess he's out on the streets.

That's not how any of that works. No, but also like, okay, but now you'd have to get a different shrink, right? Because he obviously can't be objective about this. Like this isn't like a rocket launch, right? You're not trying to hit the execution window or something before Jupiter's out of alignment. I also love that this movie thinks the same thing that stupid movies do about the insanity defense, which is that if you get the insanity defense, they're just like, you're free to go you crazy motherfucker. They think if he says he's insane, he'll just get to be like,

well, I'm you know what they say I do like that there's like a version of this movie where the demon wins and he gets out on the technicality of being insane and he Slow walks across the football field that the prison has and like raises his fist in the air and it freezes Oh, right, right as limp goes away. Yeah So but the the guy says all right, I'll tell you, he's saying, I'll tell you whatever you need to do to execute him. But I have just one final question that I'd like to, like to ask him. And I'm like, my God, at this point,

the writer is using the character's dialogue to promise the audience that he's going somewhere with this. The movie is almost over. He's like, guys, I know I've been dragging this out as long as I could legally, as long as I'm legally required to to call this a movie. Okay. So I'll get to it. I'm sorry.

But as far as setups and punchlines go, this is probably one of the funniest jokes I have ever seen in my life as an adult. So keep in mind, he ends the scene by being like, I have one question to ask him. And then the next scene he's like The fuck man Slams down the book of his baby pictures and goes what the hell is this? That's his one last question

His question is go Cool! Awesome! Also, I didn't, so I'm a little slow on the pickup. During this scene, he's getting his hand out of the handcuff. I thought he was jerking it. I thought that's why he was going to as well. Thank you, Paige. Yeah, you're welcome.

Thank you. Because this entire scene is supposed to be this intense thing and the actor, what he's doing is he's sort of cupping the hand between his legs to do the hand, get his hand out of the handcuff. But until he did it, I was sure it was like, why are they having the G-man jerk off while it's talking to the guy? I mean, that seems like a pretty daemony thing to do. But that would be like an actual daemony thing to do. Like, that's not what we're going to get out of this movie. No, right. And I was And I was like, where are they going with this?

Yeah, no, he's doing that stupid movie trope where you break your hand and then you can get it out of the handcuffs. Because you know how broken hands famously anti-swell and get smaller when they're broken? How many people do you think in the real world have been like, I gotta get out of these cuffs. That's exactly, exactly.

That's my question exactly. How many dumbass prisoners dislocated their thumb for no fucking reason because they saw this stupid shit in a movie. Although that is very funny though to think that people have done that because they've seen it. It's just like some guy trying to get out of cuffs and he breaks his thumb in half. Yeah, he's like, oh, now I have a broken thumb and I'm in cuffs.

Oh, wow. That really glad to me. Hey, Coppa was arresting me for the DUI on school property. I this is going to this is on me. When you were over there writing a ticket, I was a lot. Right. I broke my thumb. So and then so he grabs he pulls his hand out of the cuff, he grabs James, he wraps the chain, because the other hand's still in the handcuff, he wraps that chain around

his neck, right, to strangle him. All the, now all the guards and the warden or everything are in the room now at this point. So they all start to like move forward and he's like, back up or I'll kill him. And they're like, you're killing him though, right? Like, so, You are killing him. What you're saying is let us, He's got us there. Let me strangle the hostage or you'll kill him and they're like you're killing him though right like so what you're saying is let us got us there let me strangle the hostage or you'll kill the hostage this doesn't make sense podcast listener he stands

there and pretends to choke this guy for nine minutes yes I was weeping the actor being choked runs out of choke sounds he's like and then by the end of the scene he's like you get I'm I'm still I'm still here being choked runs out of choke sounds. He's like, hey, hey, and then by the end of the scene, he's like, you get, I'm, I'm still, I'm still here being choked. Well, it's cause the guards must've been trained in some small town in Texas because they're taking a long time. Yes. Yes. The U-ball day guards. They're taking a long time to step in here. You're responding to a prisoner, not a mass shooting. Relax. Okay. Yes. It's, it's just a singular choking, not a mass shooting. So it's fine, I guess. Well, and I also I love that it's a situation

where like and you of course you see this in movies constantly. But like this actor playing James, he can't really struggle in this situation without maybe hurting himself or getting away. So he's just getting strangled to death and he's just the same with just sewn it in to say, yeah, right. Nobody's he So he's just getting strangled to death and he's just... It's the same with... Should have sewn it in.

Just saying. So yeah, right. No, but he's getting strangled to death and the whole time he's acting like I'm trying to get out from under my cat without disturbing him or something, you know? He's just like sort of slowly, kind of, would you mind not strangling me though? Kind of a vibe. It's like when one of my cats jumps in my lap and I'm on the couch and I'm like, hey Natalie, my fiance, would you mind getting me something? I can't get up because my dog's on my lap. You know's like when one of my cats jumps in my lap and I'm on the couch and I'm like, Hey Natalie, my fiance,

would you mind getting me something? I can't get up because my dog's on my lap. You know, like that kind of thing. Right, yeah, no, exactly. He's just pretty calm about it after a certain point. Yeah. And so, but finally he's like, I'm not strangling you and he lets him go.

And then all the guards tackle him. I'm like, that's really weird timing guys. Your timing is very weird. We got him. Oh, shit. Once there's no danger, they don't mind stepping in. It's like reality in that sense. No, that's true. That was just like Yuvalde, wasn't it? Yeah, nailed it. Yeah. They come up from tackling him and somehow they have

Lee Harvey Oswald. It was him this time too. That whole time. So yeah, but James is like, oh, no, okay. He tried to stangle me. I'll totally sign off on the execution now. And I'm like, really? You don't think they would just get another thing? Now I feel like that breaks some laws probably probably well He's like that's murder number three and I gotta say honestly I was surprised because I did not think that this movie would admit that Capital punishment is murder is murder, right?

Reason I couldn't say none of the murders are murder because yeah, the murders is murder. Is murder, right? This is the reason I couldn't say none of the murders are murder. Because one of the murders is murder. Yep, that's murder. So thanks for admitting that, Glenn Beck. Right, right. Well, and I thought it was weird that like we spend the whole first half of this movie with every other character being like, can't wait to fucking kill this guy. And then when we finally get to it, it's grotesque and I'm like, yes exactly

But this movie completely misses how it somehow supports woke Point. Yeah. Yeah. So what's what's weird is the rest of this film? Feel free to correct me on this or no not the rest of this film all but the last two minutes of this film There's about 26 minutes left, the following 24 minutes are going to be a pretty straight up dead man walking remake. I wrote that in my notes. Yes. Right? I was like, is John Coffee down the hall?

Yeah, it's got real fucking Green Mile vibes here. Yes. But like, I'm completely uninvested in the character and there's a prankster demon canceling his cheeseburger, so there's no chance at any point for me to care. Well, and then there's also this like stupid moment where he's like, after he signs the death warrant, the demon's like, hey, you going to stick around for my execution? You want to watch me get fried? And James is like, yes, I think I will.

I think I will stay and watch you get electrocuted to death. Why would he do that? I think guilt. I don't know. I probably would. The warden even asked him. I'd be interested. I'm more really interested in stuff like that. I probably would. And then like probably leave immediately and not grab a firearm, but we'll get to that. Right, right. Yeah. Cause the warden asked him, he's like, why would you stick around? He goes, I need to know. I made the right decision. And I'm like, how would watching him get electrocuted to death help you know that? And also shouldn't you know when someone's life is on the line that you... Right beforehand before that yes. You should know the answer to that before you say yeah kill

that guy God I hope it's right which essentially does set up our criminal justice system to a T. That is like what actually happened. Yeah, I know that's true. I was going to say that is how we do things now, Todd. Yeah. I mean, I heard myself saying it too. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you running for governor of Mississippi? This is Oklahoma, okay?

There's also this kind of a weird moment where he's like, so what happens to him now? And the warden starts going into all these details. Well, they're going to shave his head, then they're going to take it back. And we're like, why are we learning all this? But of course, the reason we're learning all this is that this movie has very wide margins and is trying to make the 90 minute runtime. So we're going to watch him get his head shaved. Okay. Oh yeah. I thought we were about to get like a third act twist because the barber is like, Hey man, you know, nothing you can do. Can't be forgiven.

And I thought, Oh yes, Brady was going to find Jesus and the demon was going to be like, no. And I'd be like, Oh, that's actually like a relatively interesting message about how like salvation isn't gone from you. But the barber is just like, fuck that asshole. All right, go, go light him up like a fourth of July sparkler. He literally says no one's going gonna miss you on the way out. Yes, we gotta start off trying to save his soul.

He's like, no, I don't want my soul saved. And he's like, all right, well, fuck you then. And doesn't that just set up Christianity perfectly? Yeah. Also, just throwing out there that if they shave your head before they put you in the electric chair and they don't let you shower so you're all itchy, it violates the Eighth Amendment.

I'm throwing it out right now. Yeah. See, what I kept picturing, what I really, really wanted is after they shaved his head, because he's a demon for it to just grow back like the Santa Claus. Yay! Damn it, they're gonna start over again.

That's amazing. Where he's just like, demon shit, pranking everyone. All the light bulbs start blowing. Damn it, stop it with the light bulbs, man. Hey, Barber, when you get home, I cancelled Verizon, and I told them it was an address change, so it's gonna take a really long time to fix it on the phone. I just realized it right now, but this movie's demon is like the person in Practical Jokers who has to listen to the earpiece and like do the things the other people say.

Other demons are on mic. Exactly. Exactly. So like Nostradamus or whatever this guy's name is, is up here and then everyone in the hell is like, all right, no, no, no cancel is in and out order. Oh shit. Tell him your name is Uncle Boobs. Ask that girl if you've seen her stapler.

It's like stupid shit like that. Yeah, so we cut to, so then we cut to Edward in his cell. This is where like he finds out this cheeseburger order has been canceled. He's like, wasn't I supposed to get a cheeseburger? They're like, you canceled that order. He's like, no! No! And again, the movie really wants us to like deeply care about this moment, but it's just

such a weird prince. I feel bad. Oh, you mean the time when I struggled to empathize with a person who killed 11 people to like deeply care about this moment, but it's just such a weird press. I feel bad. Oh, you mean the time when I struggled to empathize with a person who killed 11 people who didn't give his in and out? That's the thing, yeah, because the thing is is that we're supposed to be

either like thinking like, oh man, this poor guy was possessed by a demon, he didn't do those murders, they're executing him for no reason, in which case getting your in and out order canceled is pretty minor. Right? Right? Or we're supposed to think that this guy murdered 11 people, in which case I'm not really all

that worried about his in and out orders. Oh, it didn't come animal style. This is an outrage. Oh, this is awful. There's no way where this scene works. Usually they put extra fries sort of at the bottom of the bag and you can eat it in your car. Did you tell him it was my last meal, guys?

Oh! I did get sad, but I think it's because I sometimes will put myself in the place of characters and I'm like, if I was going to die and I asked for one thing and y'all wouldn't give it to me, I'd be so sad. Yeah, is it good? Come on, Paige, you can make it. Paige, I would totally get you your pre-execution cheeseburger. Absolutely.

Thank you. I'd like it medium rare, please. Yeah, not well done. Yeah, not well done. Well, Paige, if it's going to cost us over Absolutely. Thank you. I'd like it medium rare please. Yeah, not well done. Yeah, well Paige, if it's gonna cost us over $25, you can get fucked, cause it's not gonna happen, all right? It's gonna be McDonald's.

I'll go to that Christian Biggett restaurant for you, even though they write John 316 at the bottom of all their burgers. I know, right? What is that about? Sneaking him in there. We all make sure. He's like raisins.

You never know where he's gonna show up. So okay, and then we go to the, apparently when you witness an execution, you get a pep talk beforehand I loved it. I loved that some guy came in and was like hey guys, you're about to watch someone die So don't celebrate like The cheers to a minimum They have a fucking no excessive end zone celebration rule and executions.

What a fucked up goddamn country we are that we have to have a guy whose job partially includes walking in and telling people not to cheer too loud at the execution. Now, guys, guys, I know you're going to want to start a USA chant. Use government dollars. Don't do the wave, please. I swear to God, if another one of you stand up and start doing a TikTok dance while he's being executed, I'm going to lose my mind. And also, if you remain seated but pretend you're also getting electrocuted, that doesn't count.

That's not, we won't invite you back. Yeah, this is not an appropriate time to guess. Please leave all vuvuzelas at the door. Ma'am, give me the foam finger. Well, and what I love is the actual line he says here is you are hereby ordered to display the dignity befitting the solemnity of this occasion. And I'm like, OK, first of all, you can't order me to do shit. I'm not your prisoner. But secondly,

the solemnity befitting an execution of a prisoner involves throwing our feces about. Yes! The solemnity should be like eating the bread and circus that we've been given for this fucking insane archaic piece of history we're still doing. I would wear a toga and do a thumbs down the whole time and be like, am I in the right historical period? Am I solemn enough for you? Is this fitting to the action we're all taking with my tax dollars?

I'm glad we fed all the starving kids so that the government could murder someone for me like a tax form. Jesus Christ. So there's also this moment where the cop, I guess, that arrested Edward, he buddies up to James the psychologist He's like hey man. Thanks for pretending that he was saying long enough to get the execution through I hate this guy and want to watch him die. I'm like, that's a weird thing Yeah to do he like slides up to him. He's like, hey, I'm detective Russo and here's some exposition for you Yes, more or less like I worked on this case for six years

And here's some exposition for you. It's more or less like, I worked on this case for six years. I'm so excited that you lied and said he was sane enough to die, thank you so much. Also, I'm able to get into prison with a loaded gun. So in case you need that information, let me know. I have a loaded goddamn gun on me. Yeah, so Edward comes in, he's all crying and he's all weeping.

And of course, as audience members, apparently we're supposed to be thinking, well, you should have thought of that before you played with that Ouija board guy. Let me tell you. Or we're supposed to be like, oh, poor guy. Yes. Yeah, right. Poor, poor 11 murdered murderer. That's what I was at. You stole your Mormon neighbors Brickham Young's when you were five.

And then you went and started this slippery slope down to Deathsville. Paige, you're a beautiful soul. You're a beautiful soul. The fact that you found empathy in this cloud. I just don't like the death penalty at all. I feel like we should get rid of it. Yeah, no, I also... Look, we're all anti-death penalty here. I just wasn't convinced enough by this actor's performance here.

Oh, that's fair. That's fair. Let me say something bold. No Sean Penn is here. Oh, that's fair. That's fair. Let me say something bold. No Sean Penn is here. No. So there's those things. So Edward slips the guard for a minute and he spanks on the window and he's yelling at James.

He's like, why didn't you tell the truth about the fact that I'm possessed by demons? And this is where the cop goes for his gun, right? He's like, oh, I've got, I may have to shoot this guy. And I'm like, come on, man, they're about to fucking electrocute him. Calm down. I know you're a cop. It's real hard for you not to shoot people for so long but. It'd be weird if you were about to execute someone and they got free and the cop shot

him does that do they just like turn to him and be like nailed it. That guy is the executioner now. Yeah right right yeah exactly. I actually do think it would probably just like okay I mean we had to shoot him he was coming right for us or whatever. Yeah, right, right, yeah, we stand at our ground, surrounding him. No cheering for that guy? I'm sorry, I don't know what the rules are. Yeah, exactly.

Just a slow clap, Rudy style, just like. Right, yeah, yes. I think we have to execute you now, sir, because you owe us one state-officiated death. Tell us about your history with Ouija boards. Yeah, right, right, because you owe us one state-affiliated debt. Tell us about your history with Ouija boards. Yeah, right, right, exactly. So but then the warden gets to go ahead. So they open the little curtain for their little play.

It's so barbaric. Everything about this is so barbaric. It's crazy. But I do love that they do show that he calls the governor from the 1970s Batman phone that is also not even plugged in like it was very funny Yeah, he goes. What's that governor? You said go ahead with the execution. All right, I guess it's all right then He said double deep fry him. No, okay. All right. Well, that's what you say It's like that seat at the end of psycho when it like pans down and you realize the phone is it plugged in at all?

right The wardens just wearing heels see at the end of Psycho when it like pans down and you realize the phone isn't plugged in at all. Right. The warden's just wearing heels. And in case you were taking this seriously, now the demon is going to try and have a whisper conversation with him through the glass. So again, this whole Green Mile Deadman walking dramatic sequence is taking place and the demon pops back into Edward to be like, Hey James, sorry, I realized I never got an answer from you on the book deal thing. Yeah. In hindsight, we should have inked the particulars before I got myself strapped to a murder chair. Do you have like a lit agent or representative I should be contacting about this?

And then for the fucking second time in three weeks, we get the reference. He's like, he's like, think about that book, do you know, do the devil give you the world? And then right before he dies, he goes, he looks right at James and he goes, meanie, meanie, checkle your farshan. Checkle Parsons. Right, yeah.

Which can I say, least intimidating demon catchphrase ever. Yeah, yep. Real close to Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe when we're trying to drive home the message. Real close to Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe, yeah. And also they pan over the audience and there's like a lot of empty seats there. And I just maybe this is just me, the performer in me, but I like, and if there are empty seats at my fucking execution, that would be the worst.

Really? You couldn't put this up on play by play? My God. If they had to comp people in, like if they had to paper the room for my execution, I'd be so bummed. Just put some fucking put some tickets under some door, some fucking windshield wipers, something. Event bright that shit. There's not even a drink minimum at this thing.

No. I fucking love that like, we're talking about it in these terms, cause like, I'm still gonna be out there. I'm gonna be like the guy outside the prison, like, hey man, do you want to come and see my execution? It's gonna be great, like handing out flyers. Exactly, yeah.

Hey man, please, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna put on a great show. I can only do it once though. I can only do it once. Sometimes twice if they don't get me right the first time twice, but like that's it only twice no more You have to say that a more famous person than you is getting executed that night Mike or Big Lee is gonna be there. He might step in. You might step in. You don't know. Dave Chappelle comes in to get executed all the time Henry Lee Lucas says that he's gonna pop pop in, but you know, you can't trust him.

I hear no Brennan's working on a new season of Blocks. He might be back. So okay, so, but they all electrocute him and they actually like they like 94% of this movie's budget was electrocution makeup. They did a really good job of really demonstrating how barbaric and disgusting this is. I could not help but laugh and I do realize that that is probably right after you just said how disgusting it is. And it is disgusting.

The performance of it is hilarious because he does what I can only describe as a Wayne's World swing, but so aggressively, it's so wild. I was like, hell yes. Thank you. And they get him twice. They do a second one. Oh, the warden was like, that swing was so nice, we got to get it twice.

Let's do it again. Yeah. It's so funny. Because the guy comes over. He's literally smoking. And the guy comes over, and he's like, nope, do it again. And I'm like, give it a minute, guys. I don't think he's going to make it, per se.

Like, maybe we just let... Which also, how is there a doctor there? Like, this is a thing with capital punishment and executions is that doctors are not allowed to, like, do any harm. And this guy just put on a lab coat for the theater of it? I guess. I don't have a diploma on my wall to adjust, but I did find the stethoscope.

And that's gonna be good enough for me. I did say it on a holiday in Express last night. He's like one of those doctors in like the mob movies who like is a doctor but can't practice because they had an addiction problem and like hurts somebody. Right, right, right. So now he does like execution doctoring. So, and also there's this line and it's just such a throwaway line that I shouldn't even bring it up because we're getting towards the end of the show, but the cop that it's just such a throwaway line that I shouldn't even bring it up because we're getting towards the end of the show. But the cop that it's it buddied up to James, he goes, looks like every dirt bag on the planet just moved up a notch.

And that's such a bad line. I can't imagine writing that line and then not cutting my hand off. But also, like, are there rankings? I can't believe they gave Steven Seagal a pass at this movie. And yes, I'm going to pronounce his last name correctly, Seagal. That's right. Like the bird. He says it like it's in Deadpool with like the death rankings.

Paige, he's like, looks like every dirt bag in the world just moved up a notch. Yeah, exactly. It's like so serious. Oh shit, I'm fourth now? Well, that's, I want to know where my, like, I know I'm not all that high, but I want to know where I rank, at least in the dirtbag rankings. Listen, I'm surely no valedictorian, but salutatorian? Possibly.

Possibly. You don't know. Yeah. As someone pretty high up in the, once you get high up on the dirtbag rankings, I can say this from experience, it mostly becomes like a publicity thing very political. Someone's been watching a lot of the boys too. I get it. Thank you. They ruined Tomlander. A totally chilling cool night. I too don't understand satire or whatever. So but they electrocute him and then the demon jumps into James's head and he's like, ah I'm still gonna make you write that book and and this is

where he grabs the cops gun. Yeah. And he starts threatening everybody and he's like, I can't put it down the demon won't let me. And then he puts the gun to his own chin and he pulls the trigger but nothing happens., if he had pulled the trigger and something happened, the bullet just would have gone out his mouth because he's leaning his head back. He is aggressively and pointed the gun so forward because he doesn't want to shoot his wig. Todd, the wig budget is very low. Guys, we don't have a lot of budget for the wig.

That's why I didn't know it is $80 on this room. That wall panel wasn't free. It wasn't cake either. Noah. So, okay. And then we, so he tries to pull the trigger, trigger doesn't go, the cops stop and the guards grab him. And then we cut to a, it wasn't quite 90 minutes mandated one year later scene where he's going to get interviewed by Glenn fucking Beck.

Oh. And again, like this isn't just a typical like, so you didn't end up writing the demons book? No, I didn't. So do you believe now? I don't know, which is a fucking bananas thing to say for someone who had a demon taken over their body. But again, I could not pay attention to any of that wrap up because Glenn Beck is dressed like you

went to grandma's house and didn't remember how cold she kept it. She was just wrapping herself in old scarves and sweaters. But like with the afghan she had on the couch, you like throw around your shoulders. Right, you only had her stuff there. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And then you put on the oversized, I wish I looked like a college professor blazer that Glenn Beck is wearing in this movie He's like the white literature teacher you had who wore a dashikida class and you were pretty sure you should have brought it up

With them, but you never knew how to do it. That's how he's dressed this entire fucking scene. It's insane. In my notes I have that it looks like he grabbed all of Johnny Depp scarves and then just made a run for it Well only the ones that he ties to his microphone page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, but so Glenn Beck is interviewing him about this book that he wrote. Now, so, okay, so apparently he was only temporarily possessed by the demon,

because, you know, he said yes and said he could possess it, but he didn't come all demon lubed by, well, like a Ouija board or anything like that. Right. So the demon could only get in there for a minute. So Glenn Beck is like, so they tested that gun you tried to shoot yourself with. And it turned out there was nothing wrong with the gun. Huh?

So God just kind of kind of stuck his finger in the barrel. Huh? Huh? And he's like, yeah, fingerprint that gun. We got to find out who God is. Right. It'd be like if you found one of Banksy's paint brushes, like we're definitely got a finger.

Sure. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Reba McInty right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reba McIntyre, I would have never guessed. I knew it! I fucking knew it!

A single God who works two jobs, yeah, just kidding. Yeah. But yeah, so he's like, yeah, no, I was demonically possessed for just a moment, and I just, I have to point out this line as well. He goes, it was so evil that words can't describe it. And I wrote that in my notes along with, wrote the writer whose job was to write words that describe it.

It was like, you know, when an old person's kisses become wetter than they are affectionate. It was like that. But on the inside, you know what? Nevermind. Oh God. So, and also can we say of Glenn Beck, even in a movie where everything is scripted and he's talking to a guy who was legitimately possessed by a demon and wrote a book about it, Glenn Beck cannot provide us an interesting interview. A hundred.

I was born to tears by this fucking interview. Jesus. It goes out for like eight minutes Not me Look like miss Frizzle turning into Jiminy Glick It's like Glenn Beck looking his most silver Foxy, you know, like he's really done it over Though the Jiminy Glick comparison is too close. It's accurate, yeah. It's real there.

And then he gives me, my favorite line of the whole fucking movie, Glenn Beck says, so now given all your experiences, are you a believer? And he goes, I don't know if I'd go that far. What? What are you then? You just, you just said you were possessed by a fucking demon, but you're not a person who believes in demons yet. What I don't know what happened.

I heard voices. I grabbed a gun, you know, a Tuesday. Yeah, crazy page. It's more than that though, cause he like took a demon screenplay and rewrote it and admits to it publicly because that demon's been murdered by the state. So I guess any IP he created is now fair game. So like he's admitting in public that he stole this guy's book and then rewrote it, but then not saying he believes in what that guy is.

Yeah, right, right. Because otherwise he just stole Edward's book, which is fucked up as all hell. That should go to his like victims or something. Yeah, right. Right. Because otherwise, it's crazy. You stole Edwards book, which is fucked up as hell. That should go to his victims or something. Yeah. Yeah. So and also I just this moment is so great. I love this so much. I wish that we had Dr. Dan just could pop in for just one fucking second for this because he goes, what about the last words that he said? The any, many, many most stuff he goes. Yeah. You know, I looked that up.

That's from the Bible. What it means is you've been weighed in the balance and found wanting. And I'm like, no, it isn't. Yes, that's not really what it means is you've been weighed in the balance and found wanting. And I'm like, no, it isn't. Yes, that's not really what it means. What it means is number, number, weight division. What you're saying is Daniel's interpretation of those words as they pertain to fucking Darius or whoever the hell it was. That's not even what those God damn I love that they didn't even bother to look that

up. That's just so absolutely chef's kiss, cherry on the top, this fucking movie. Yes. Here's how bad it is. It's their book and they didn't even look that up. It's knowledge is gross and of the devil, the movie. Yeah, right. I heard that and I was like, wait, that's not what it means.

And I went back and looked it up to make sure I wasn't wrong, where I was like, I'm pretty sure I know my Bible well enough to know that that's wrong. And then when I looked it up, I was like, yeah, that's wrong. Like, this is not, what? What are we doing? It's so fucking stupid. And he's like, well, you know,

the psychiatrist says to Glenn Beck, he's like, well, you know, there's a great war going on between God and the demons. And then Glenn Beck says, wow. But I don't believe it. Yeah, Glenn Beck says, well, that's don't believe it. Yeah, Glenn Beck says, well, that's amazing to hear from a non-believer. And I'm like, yeah, I would say it was

definitionally impossible to hear that from a non-believer. Yes. Actually. Jesus. But the movies, it's still, we're at fucking an hour and 29 minutes and 30 seconds. So he walks outside of the studios. I'm like, hey man, that was a great interview or whatever. And he goes to leave, but there's this unhoused lady and she's rooting through the garbage.

James is a good guy, he goes to hand her a 20, and then she says in full on demon voice, did you miss me, James? La la la la la la. But like, look, here's the thing. I know it's scary movies, so you just are supposed to do that, but what was the next beat supposed to be? Right.

I noticed that you changed the title of the book. Yeah. We didn't discuss those edits that you made. Not cool, man. I have some notes on your edits, buddy. Yeah, right. How do you still not believe I'm right here? Yes, exactly.

What are you talking about? I totally believe it. I couldn't help but notice that you just told that walking Afghan collection that you don't believe in demons. I literally took over this homeless people to just ask you what the fuck? Yeah, how is that even possible? What I love so much about that, the funniest fucking joke in the entire goddamn movie because they seem to think that they were getting a sequel right there, right? That seemed to be them going, oh, in case you guys want guys want to make a part two there's uh, we left that open Yeah, it leaves it open but like the beginning of part two would just be that demon going on to explain like I had issues

With the book. Oh and I left the trunk of your car open and I broke up with your girlfriend Not really a problem I loosen the salt shaker that you are about to use. Yeah, I tied your shoes together loosen the salt shaker that you were about to use. Yeah. I tied your shoes together. Put a tack on your shirt. All right. So Todd, Paige, I'm curious, compared to your normal fair, where would you put this movie? Oh, on what kind of scale? On a quality scale or a scary scale?

Because we do a scary scale on our show of like one to 10, 10 being the scariest one being not scary. And for that one one for sure. This is not even a horror movie. Yeah. Yeah. Quality, can it even be measured on the scale? As he misquoted the Bible,

it's been weighed and measured and wanting because I don't even think I could quantify how bad this is because it's just a conversation that rehashes the same points over and over again for an hour and a half. That's the whole movie. Yeah, yeah. It's circular logic, the movie really is what it is. It's like, we can't connect why you should believe

with actual evidence, so let's just talk in a circle until you get tired and just say you believe so you can go back to eating Thanksgiving. Yeah, demonic-ish gallop. Well, okay, so I want to challenge the one on the scary scale though, because I find this movie terrifying. And Todd, you actually nailed it in your notes, what you wrote here. I mean, the fact that someone could write the script is the scariest part of it. Well, that's the thing. Yeah, right. Like the worldview is fucking terrifying, right?

Well, you know murdering 11 people in a fucking sleepover Assisting a dying woman with cancer with suicide. Samesies, samesies. That's fucking scary. Yeah I mean this sounds like a religious mass shooters like screenplay like it's like that sort of belief really like that fanatical Yep. Yep. If you watch seven and you weren't sure who the bad guy was at the end. Yeah, you will love this movie. This movie is for you. Right. Oh my God. It is like Kaiser Soze, which is also the bad guy in seven. Oh, nice. I like it. All right. So if our listeners wanted to hear more from you guys, from that normal fair,

remind us where they should go. Yeah. I mean, if you want to hear our podcast, we do the Horror Virgin weekly. We come out every Monday. If you want to follow us as the Horror Virgin, it's at Horror Virgin pretty much everywhere. I am at ToddJawesome on all the socials and Paige is mainly at Paige Wesley,

except for one of them. And I cannot remember Paige, I apologize. It's the opposite way. I'm at Rampage Wesley on Instagram and TikTok and at Paige Wesley on Twitter because I got it for that bitch CEO could. That's what's up. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Other Paige Wesley. What's up? I'm the first on Google. Fuck yeah. All right, well. Winning that SEO game. We'll make sure there's,

you guys gave a lot of links there so we'll make sure we get all of those on the show notes. And well, that's good. And thank you so much. It was such a blast having you here. Thank's a that you guys gave a lot of links There's so we'll make sure we get all of those on the show notes and well that's good And thank you so much. It was such a blast having you here You guys on as well all right We'll try to have you guys back on sometime in a movie where anything happens literally any fucking thing And well that's gonna do it for our review of nefarious That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need To bait this trap again for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Well, Noah, it's time once again for us to dive into that very special religion We know and love so much the Church of Latter-day Saints. So we'll be doing one of our most requested films ever. requested films ever. The animated stories from the Book of Mormon. That's right. We'll be doing Nephi and the Brass Plates. It's Mormon movie month, baby. It's so weird that that'll start three weeks into a month, but hey, when Eli's doing your

scheduling, that's the kind of shit that happens. All right. Looking forward to it. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 464 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Paige and Todd for hanging out with us today. Be sure to check the show notes for a link to their show and perhaps even a huge thanks to all the patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a

per episode donation to patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode I am to nail in this. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scathing Alias, Citation Data, D&D Minus, and The Scathing Guide, available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email godolphinmoviesatgmail.com.

Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Selotnik, who plays the role of Joss Lennars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen Wright and Eli Bosnick, I'm No Illusions, promising to work hard to earn another chunk next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club clothes. Nefarious went on to wash Edward's socks, not in pairs, and put his car keys in a place other than where he usually keeps them. Glenn Beck went on to continue not mattering. That cheeseburger went uneaten. Oh, that's good shit. I mean, I do think the only like the worst logline you can make for this movie is the one they actually use. And that is what happens to an atheist that's confronted by a demon by demonic evil,

because that's not what happens. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024.