God Awful Movies - 466: Out of Liberty

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

This week, we team up for an atheist review of Out of Liberty, the story of that time Joseph Smith escaped from jail. No... not that, time. The other time. The one where he was in jail for treason. No... not that time. The other time he was in jail for treason. If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

And then I guess Joseph Mormonisms at him a bit. Because of this pep talk and which can I say, peak Joseph Smith, he's like, look, they might kill you. They might torture you. They might say in all of the history books that are even a little reputable that you let me go in exchange for whiskey that my brother brought with him. But you get to go to heaven and dying for me builds character. God Awful Movie. Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

Movie! Welcome back to the GAMCast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema or the Shadow People will come again. I'm your host Noah Lusions and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back! Mormon Movie Month! Let's go do it some more! Yeah, it's just getting started for you, isn't it? Heath and right Heath welcome back Mormon movie month. Oh, yeah Yes Getting started for you, isn't it? And sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnic Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir?

It's a funeral potatoes day. No way. It's a funeral potatoes day. It's just that kind of day So tell it wait, that would be a funeral, right? Yes. Okay It's just that kind of day. So tell, wait, that would be a funeral, right? Yes. Okay. Look behind you. Tell us Heath. Mitt Romney died. Oh no.

Just now. Well we recorded in advance. We've been having a psychic streak on the shows over at CN. I think we should start calling those shots. Sure. So tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Out of Liberty. It's the story of Joseph Smith and his buddies while aided by the God of the universe trying to break out of jail and failing so many times for the entire movie. Yakety Sax is missing from this piece of media unlike any other piece of media on earth.

There's almost no moment in this movie where Yakety Sax could start playing where it would of media unlike any other piece of media on Earth. There's almost no moment in this movie where Yakety Sax could start playing where it would be inappropriate. Yep. Right? There's like two. All right. And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love old timey westerns about men of grit and iron and the song sung of heroes of the West But you'd like them sung about your child rapist prophets escaped from prison instead you This movie yeah, yeah, so quick correction at the end of last week show We implied that this was gonna be the story of Joe Smith's death. It's not this is a different time that Joe Smith was in jail Which is really made this movie so hard to Google because you wanted to fact check it. You were like, when Joseph Smith was in jail in Missouri in 1839. When he did the treason. No, not that.

Different war against a different state. When he failed. No. Okay. different war against a different state. When he failed. No. Okay. Also, because the Mormons have spent so much time and energy trying to whitewash this history. If you click the wrong link, you end up on like true history facts brought to you by the Mormon church.com.

Yep. And you're like, well, that doesn't seem real. Right. According to Wikipedia. Yeah. All right. So I think you guys wanna nominate this other than its history. Do you wanna know anything else you wanna nominate

for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst. We think you'll like this algorithm for my Prime video. So Prime video, they know what you've watched for me. The last two things I watched were this movie and RuPaul's Drag Race season 11. Evie Oddly won. I thought Brooklyn Heights should have won. It's cool. You're a closeted homosexual.

Well, here's the thing. Prime Video had to come up with whatever the fuck is the combination of those two things. Some guy who tweaks the algorithm like a wall of yarn and pushpins for just my account and he's going crazy. They came up with, they are quite certain, I want to watch sausage party utopia or food utopia. Pretty sure we're all getting that one. Maybe it's because my algorithm is as fucked as yours is, but maybe that's just their, I don't know, I up what right? Yeah, they also think I want to watch

pool hall junkies And you do and I always do want to want to do See for me it suggested out of time, which is really funny because I'm pretty sure my algorithm was like you typed the wrong thing I'm pretty sure my algorithm was like you typed the wrong thing. We average these. Nobody was seeking this movie. Yeah. You want to watch a burning log crackling? I don't know what to do.

All right. So I'm going to go with best worst. And I might have used this one in the past. I'm going to change it up now. I'm going to go with best worst flashback pump fakes. All right. So over and over again in this movie, like the characters seem to be desperately calling for a doodly doo as though the director was sticking him in there so the producer would have to cough up more money.

Right. Well, he says doodly doo right there, but they never the whole movie takes place in this one fucking room. So it never happens Yeah, it's true It's the best because the movie does the flashback pump fakes and then the movie falls for its own Pumpfake and doesn't know where it is they get so deep into swooshes at one point. It's the best Yeah, so confused and of course. I'm gonna take the easy one. We teased it already, but I have to say it. Best worst escape attempts. This attempt at an incredibly serious historical drama would make

Hogan's goddamn heroes say this is a little silly. Yeah. It's the not so great escape, everybody. It's fucking amazing. They do fucking amazing. It's the best. They do exactly as well as they have done it if we wrote the movie. I'm sorry to spoil it, but I just want to be clear. The first escape attempt is walking really slow so he doesn't notice us. Literally that is true, yeah. But we'll get there, we'll get there. But first this movie needs a minute to peruse the ACME catalog, so we're gonna take a quick

break and when we come back we'll dive into all the reverential gushing that is... Out of Liberty. They're like the Animaniacs and they keep getting locked in the tower whenever they get caught. Yes, exactly. Over and over again. They are. Brother Joseph!

Brother Joseph! Well, Brother Alderman, you must stay quiet or Sam will hear you. Indeed, brother. Are you treated poorly? Very poorly indeed, brother. We grow ill and the food is wretched. Well, I can solve one of those problems. Why don't you try Factor?

Oh, what's Factor? Factor's fresh, never frozen meals, are diitian approved and ready to eat in just two minutes. So no matter how busy you are, you always have time to enjoy nutritious, great tasting meals. Well, that sounds like a miracle, Brother Aldman. But we Mormons drink no alcohol and consume no hot beverage. Can this Factor accommodate our special diet? Indeed it can, Brother. With 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons to choose from every week,

you'll have new flavors to explore, including calorie smart, protein plus, veggie, vegan, and keto options. A miracle from heaven to be sure. To whom do we pray for this? Factor. No prayer needed. Just head to factormeals.com slash awful 50 and use code awful 50 to get 50% off your first box plus Thank you, brother. Hey while you're sneaking here, could you bring us some guns or a knife? We're just we're literally only being guarded by one guy. No, I only do podcast sponsors. Sure. There. Bells, those great news. Oh, what is it, Mike?

Did Becky forgive you for looking at the Lands End catalog unsupervised? Nope. Sure didn't. But this is this is good. We got the funding to make another biopic about the life of Joseph Smith. Oh, another one? I know, I know, there have been quite a few movies before, but this one is going to be totally different. This one will be about the time he spent in Liberty Jail. Wait, so you want to make a movie of the life of our prophet who very famously died trying to escape jail for treason?

Yeah, uh-huh. But you want the movie to be about the other time he successfully escaped jail for treason by bribing the guards with whiskey? Well, I thought maybe we could not mention the whiskey part. I mean, do we really want to draw attention to this part of his life, like, at all? Well, I guess we could do another movie about the plates. If I have to write about the plates again, I will kill myself. Yeah, me too. Let's do the gel one. Nice.

So Becky's still mad about the Land's End thing. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I was elbow deep in the fall sweaters when she caught me. Ruff. I know. I like a cable knit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It feels on my skin. Keith, get out of the sketch. We know you like a cable. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open with a title card informing us that it's November of 1838 and under the threat of extermination, Mormons are surrendering to the Missouri militia. For no reason.

But like if it was under the threat of extermination, you wouldn't surrender, right? Like this movie has called its own bullshit 39 seconds in. That's a new record, right? Yeah. And the point they're making is that Mormons were persecuted by other religions. Yes. Terrible. So they started the right persecuting religion.

Yes, yes, exactly. You guys are persecuting other religions. Wrong. Yeah. You know when a militia that was called out to protect you eventually has to put down your protectedness? So. It's that.

That's what's going on in Mormonism at this point in history. So, but we learned that all the leaders of the Mormon church are in prison, no fault of their own, they didn't do shit. Didn't do anything. They're fine. Bunch of bullshit.

Did not try to start their own America with beer and hookers. Yeah. Joseph Smith is the king. And what hookers. But yeah, so, but they're in jail and they're being guarded by a feller by the name of Sam Tillery. So we're going to open with Sam Tillery on his horse coming up to the prison. I guess nobody stays there overnight.

He just shows up to guard him during the day. I had no idea what was happening. It's a good thing there was like three minutes of horse walking for me to eventually be like, oh no, it's a guy on a horse. Established. I think what the movie was trying to tell you right then is just like, get ready for a little slow. Slow moving film. established I think what the movie was trying to tell you right then is just like get ready for a Slow slow moving film

We don't have a lot of story here to break down It's all gonna be in this entire set is a 10 by 10 wooden box Yeah, yeah at this point in the movie Heath. I wrote in my notes. I get it I don't need the entire horse grooming routine. Yeah, right. Right. So yeah, so he gets his horse. He's got his bucket. We see these prisoners all looking out the window, seeing him coming.

They're like, here he comes. He's got his bucket. Are we all ready for our escape tonight? Would we like to exposit about it in detail for a moment? They will do this several times throughout the movie. This is also where they established that Lyman is sick. That will never mean anything and will never have any relevance to the movie, which is pretty crazy because he does like a tiny, Tim amount of coughing and vomiting throughout

the film. Oh, it's fucking insane. Yeah. I love that they don't do any of their planning for the whole time. And then last second, somebody showed up and they like whisper whisper plan plan plan always do it. After it's open. It's amazing. Right. And spoiler alert, every single plan of their escape will be runaway.

Yeah, Cheez-It. Cheez-It is as far as they ever fucking get. Is all it says on the whiteboard and they keep trying it. Yeah. But at this moment, they're doing the whispering thing and they're like, okay, we're all agreed that we're doing the whispering thing and they're like, okay, we're all agreed that we're doing the cheese it plan, right? And it's because of praying because God's going to help us cheese it, right?

One guy's like, I'm just escaping because I want to leave jail. Jail sucks. I want to leave just because of that. I love that guy so much. And they're all like, shut the fuck up, Noah. Because God. Right. So now while they're all downstairs whispering about their escape plan, Joseph Smith is upstairs at the tiny little building, the little jail building, talking with his lawyer.

And Sam Tillery, the jailer, is just sort of like looming about the room as they do. Right? This is where they're talking about their desperate need to find an unbiased judge. We got to get Eileen Cannon or else we're fucked. I wrote my notes, tell that to Jack Smith. Yeah. So, but the lawyer's like, look, man, you're asking me to find a judge that doesn't hate Mormons. That's not going to fucking happen. Yeah. Right. And again, this is a history rewrite.

Right. And I'm no Mormon history expert. But like this is a history rewrite because the reason they end up having to escape from jail illegally is because they could never get a fair trial. Right. There's a ton of that. Yeah. Also, I have to say, like, you know, no offense to this actor or whatever, but this is the ugliest Joseph Smith we've ever seen. It's true. They usually get a real hottie and this week they got a real hottie. It's so weird to say, no offense, this guy's fucking ugly. But like, it's not that he's

ugly, but like Joseph Smith is usually they get supermodels to play Joseph Smith, right? Joseph Smith always has that prominent comic book jaw and his dick so big it's throbbing to his fucking socks. No, they've got Mormon Patton Oswalt here. Yes, exactly. Give an example of someone who's not incredibly attractive. He, that's a weird, you should do it different. Stupid.

Ruining our podcast. But so Joseph Smith's saying, I'm sure you can do it. The lawyer just keeps telling him you're fucked in different tones of voice. Right? Yes. This also is a really great rewriting of Sydney eventually leaving. Oh, yeah. Uh huh.

So Sydney, what's his last name? God damn it. Riggedon. So Sydney Riggedon, he's the original Fold guy. He's the pages in the hat guy, yeah? No, no, that's, I can't forget his name, Martin Harris. That's Martin Harris, okay, sorry. So Martin Harris is a fooled in the hat guy. Sydney Rigged In is Baptist preacher who's like,

this seems like a good con. And so in real, real history, at this time, he was like, fuck you guys, I'm doing a new con. And so they part of this incompetent lawyer narrative is going to be rewriting the history that Sydney Rigdon just had to speak for himself. He wasn't bailing on us. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, we'll get, yeah, we'll get there. But absolutely. No, this is a really good lawyer in actuality. He like, yes, is super helpful to them and like does his best. But Joe Smith is like, all right, man, I don't know if you gotta get Eileen Cannon, but you gotta just lawyer it. And this lawyer, like every lawyer,

Ann says this all the time, that's not how it works. You can't just, you said lawyer it? I was just gonna say, I can't just lawyer harder. I was literally gonna say, this is me and Ann, but I didn't know if I was allowed to say, you said lawyer. I just lawyer harder. Yes. I was literally going to say, this is me and Anne, but I didn't know if I was allowed to say, yes, this is me and that this is every time I ask Anne to do anything for our company. There's also this great light. So, okay. So then Joseph Smith has, has to go back down in the hole and Sam, the jailer takes the lawyer outside and they have a little chat, right? And, you know,

the, the lawyers try to say, Hey, you know, quit serving them bad food and treating them like shit. They're innocent men. And the jailer says, well, if half the charges against him are true, they're the most degenerate men that have ever lived. And the lawyer goes, and if half of them are lies, Yeah, what the fuck was that? Well, they would be the most degenerate men that ever lived. I see we've been over this. If they didn't do half the crimes. If they've not done just as many crimes as they've done, that's a tie.

Half the crimes only tell truths and half the crimes only tell lies. But you get to ask him a question. That's the point is that you get to ask him a question. Right. Yeah. But yeah, so but he has a gives him a good talking to about improving their diet and he he fucks off. And then late that night, they're they're about to come upstairs.

I don't know why but like periodically brings him upstairs so they can stretch out or whatever. So they're about to bring him upstairs or up rope, but they have to go over the plan. One last time he opens the fucking hatch and they're all like, all right, let's whisper about the plan. One last time. And they, they, we get a lot of this like Lyman's too sick. He's hacking up various organs as they walk up there. Like Lyman, you're going to be okay to escape. He's like, I'll make it work. I'll make it work. I'm great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they all, but they all get upstairs. No, it was a smoker. Yeah, right. Yeah. Honestly, every time I left, but yes, they all get upstairs and they're like, well, like one guy's going to like stand kind of between the jailer and the door and then the other

guy's just gonna fucking leave. Walk in slow mo. Okay. You got a cheese. I think they are literally doing. Yeah. Like that. I believe they are literally doing move slowly his eyes are based on movement. I think they are though like what else could they possibly be trying for here? Seriously, that was the plan and Samuel the jailer guys like stop trying to escape I can see I'll shoot you with a gun I could just see you I can see you right now because I'm looking at you. It's the tiniest little room We're in a 10 by 10 box Jesus. Yeah, he's like hey, I have a gun room. We're in a 10 by 10 box. Jesus. Yeah. He's like, Hey, I have a gun. Don't leave. And they're like, fuck, fine. Can we borrow an axe? And they never, not once in the entire movie come up with, let's all attack him at once because it means one of them would get

shot. So they will spend the whole movie being like, what if we prayed for God to turn us into paper so we could slip between the cracks? But they're all standing there, 19 guys around one jailer with one gun, you have to load every 67 minutes. And they're like, I mean, he's got us guys. He has. No, so okay, he called us on it.

He called dibs on the door. There could be shoving if we're not careful. Right. Mesothelioma guy could go first. I'm just saying. Yeah, right. Lyman, get him. You're about to die anyway, Lyman.

So, yeah, but he puts it back down in the... They realized that cheese it wasn't enough of an escape plan. They go back downstairs. It's the best. They're like, OK, jailer guy can, in fact, see with his eyes. That was an oversight by us. New plan. What are we doing? No bad ideas, no bad ideas.

What do we got? Really wanted them to just walk over and cross out just leaving kind of slowly off a whiteboard. It's okay. Kind of fastly. Well, but instead they're like, okay, all right, new plan, next time we're up there, we just force our way out.

And I'm like, that's the same plant. That's just a dumber version of just leave. But mean. Yes right. So and then this is where we get the first of my best words because Lyman is over there muttering right because he's so sick he's now just muttering about things that happened in the past as though he was going to prompt us into a flashback but we we just never get it.

Yeah. No no no, please. Surely I've doodly-dooed out by now. I haven't. Oh, okay. Dude, no. All right. So then we get Tillery leaving for the night. Like I said, he leaves them alone overnight.

They have their own fucking cult and they're by themselves overnight. It would be so easy to break them out of jail unless somebody was trying to usurp power and the cult, I guess that would probably make it harder. But other than that, it'd be so easy. So, but Tillery's leaving and these two guys stop him. Now, I don't know if these two characters ever get names, but these are the leaders of the anti-Mormon lynch mob that we're going to see many times throughout the movie, right? Yeah. One of them is Neil. The one who like does stuff is Neil. Oh, that's Neil. Okay.

The other one is like, mob guy two in my notes. Right. Okay. So Neil's the one I too in my notes, right? Okay So Neil was the one whose brother was killed in the raid on the Mormon thing and now he wants to get his revenge against Joseph Smith, right? I tried to find you guys Google this I did not cuz this this smelled like Mormons rewriting history for me But this might be so deep a cut that even Google couldn't find it. Because the reveal, the reveal they are going to have on they killed my brother is so funny. It could only be a Mormon rewrite of history, but I couldn't find a historical source for these guys. So they may be a fictional creation, but I really hope this is the more

it's trying to rewrite an actual guy they killed who tried to kill them back. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah. We'll go with that. That would track. Yeah. So, but yeah, but he shows up and he's like, how dare you, Sam Tilleri, protect these Mormons. This guy killed my brother. You should let me kill him. And he's like, no, no, no. The law is going to have it say. And he like smacks the bucket out of his hand, right? Real threateningly. And Samuel doesn't flinch. And he's like, oh, fuck, I thought me

doing the bucket slap was going to be more impactful. He's now is just now I just look like an asshole. Get to for flinching there. Yeah. But we also get a little foreshadowing here. He goes, Tillery, it ain't going to make up for what you done. And I wrote, oh, yeah, you do to have a mysterious back story. Yeah. So then we cut to January of 1839, right? I love in Eli's notes, he's just like, is that before or after?

I forgot when we started. Damn it. When is now? Is this a get ahead? Yeah. But this is like we were cutting ahead two months now. And Sam Tillery has got some help from the state. The state has sent them a couple of extra guys to help guard all these mormons

Right, right, and I like that. They establish how they feel about the mormons out loud They literally go well, I hear he has a golden bible and i'm open to his ideas and beliefs Well, I believe he is a con man and I do not like him. That will be our dynamic. Yeah, exactly right He is a con man and I do not like him that will be our dynamic. Yeah, exactly right So yeah So but they reached the jail and they see that there's these two guys like take it up positions for a shootout ahead of them So they stop a little early and they take cover but they take cover behind this tiny ass little fucking hitching rail What yeah one rail get behind this one piece of wood and they all do and then same is like hold on. No, it's it's fine It's Porter. He's an idiot. It's idiots. It's fine. Yeah, stop doing whatever you're stupid

He's like, yeah, I'm stupid. Sorry. I'm stupid. Yeah, sorry, right. So now this is Porter Rockwell fun In fact, his nickname is the destroying angel of Mormon dumb hmm wow yeah he was a murderous fuck not great he'll be the idiot for the entire he's almost a comic relief but not quite yeah is this hat man no no he's the guy with hat man yeah he's he's hat man's buddy yeah there's who's the guy literally everybody has a hat in this movie. We can't call him Hat Man. I know why you're calling him Hat Man, but they're all wearing hats.

There's one guy wearing a magician's top hat in this scene, and so he will be Hat Man or Fat Guy for the rest of my notes. I believe that's Cyrus. I believe that's the character's name is Cyrus. But yeah, but so it turns out that Porter and Cyrus are just there because they're protecting the Mormon prisoners when Tillery's not around in case the lynch mob shows up. Right. And they also like deliver mail for him and shit like that.

Yeah. So they go inside the jail, they open the trap door and one of the guys is holding their poop bucket up. So as soon as Sam opens the trap door, he gets poop bucket right in the face. I will say this. Got him. Classic. That is as close to a through line as this movie has.

Really? Is poop bucket to the face. Yeah. But he's like, no, you got to bring that up with you. I'm not taking it. Technically, you have to keep the hatch open when we're shitting. That's the rule.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So yeah, so but he lets them all come upstairs. keep the hatch open when we're shitting. So yeah, so, but he, like, he lets them all come up upstairs, but first they stand underneath the open trap door and plot cause they're about to try to escape some more. So, and then, so like, I guess one of them has to walk out and like dump the poop bucket and they act like, you know, this is going to be part of the plan, but it's not. It's not. We just watch a guy dump a poop bucket for a really long time. Yeah.

They're like one lawman guy, the sheriff or whatever walks out to supervise the dumping of the bucket and he's watched the guy. He's like, you paused. Like this is part of a plan. Are you doing a stare down while you empty a shit bucket? No You can't normal you have a bucket full of shit lock eyes with me though while I pour out this shit You're emptying it onto your own shoes cuz you're not looking You didn't do it

Now we have to clean this up and so meanwhile inside the Mormons would like to speak to the manager of this jail. They're all they're only complaining that their fucking appetizers came out with their meal or whatever. Right. And then one of the guards goes to go back outside and one of the Mormons just yells now. He did not quite cheese it. But yeah, he just yells now and they all try to push the door open.

So the dynamic that we wind up with is that Sam Tillery and the other two prison guards are on the outside of the door along with Hat Guy, along with Cyrus. All the other Mormons are on the inside. So they're trying to push the door open. All of the prison guards are trying to push the door closed and they're doing it Three stooges fight style. They're stomping on toes. They're biting fingers poking eyes Poking yes yelling to each other to use pushing Hey, are you guys pushing in the front we said we would push

Like, hey, are you guys pushing in the front? We said we would push. All right, just making sure, making sure. And they're yelling stuff like, get his keys, get his gun. And I'm like, well, now you just told him I was going for the gun, you stupid shit. He can also hear you. This is why we whisper planted when the thing happened. If you're the jailer, just like step away and shoot him when they try to run out, right? Well, or just, oh, you move away and they all tumble over each other and then yeah

It's gonna be super easy to shoot him Well, and then but Cyrus right now, so Cyrus is not one of the prisoners He's just one of the two guys that showed up. So he does fuck off. Yeah, fat hat guy He goes to fuck up. He goes to run away and then the one of the prison guards shoots him Like that man, he's allowed to leave though. But then he's not shot. Yeah, he will not have been shot. He was faking it apparently.

Yeah. The only way I can describe it is were you ever playing like guns and robbers with a kid who didn't have the emotional capabilities to play guns and robbers? This is what that got you. So you'd shoot him and he'd start crying and you'd be like, no, man, I didn't have the emotional capabilities to play guns and robbers. This was that got you. So you'd shoot him and he'd start crying and you'd be like, no, man, I didn't get you. You're still alive. Right. But the opposite.

That's what he does in this historical drama. Yes. Yeah, exactly. So, and why also I love it this moment, like one of them says, they shot once his name. We now fear for our lives in a way that would make returning murderous force justifiable morally, right guys? That amounts to nothing, of course, because nothing in this movie amounts to anything. Because they didn't do anything.

That's the thing, right? Yes. The history they are rewriting is that we sat around in jail for three months, the food was not five stars, and then we were like, hey guys, we'll give you some whiskey if you let us go. And they were like, fucking yeah, that sounds fucking great. Absolutely. And we wandered away. Yes. And that's the actual fucking story. And so yeah, they're trying to put all this action in it. But it's like when Christians make movies about the rapture and everybody's fighting against the rapture, but that's God's plan. So it has to happen no matter what it's that the history is doing the same thing with this Mormon movie

So yeah, so they eventually they get the door closed and Sam tiller says you guys all get back in your in your fucking jail cell Downstairs or I'll shoot you and they're like all beans and they do they just do he's like Porter I can tell you're pointing your gun from the inside, but it's completely close. That's nothing just put it down He's like fuck it. It's nothing given this movie so far. I thought they were gonna do the okay. We're walking away No So yeah, so so they all go back to the basement and now tillery comes down and he has to chain them all up Right. He's like look you guys tried to escape It wasn't like you never stood a fucking chance, but I just to make it convenient for me next

time I am going to chain you the fuck up. Right? Right. And immediately Joseph Smith is like, God, it's not like we're going to try to escape for a third time. There's no need for that. There's no need for that. Yes.

It's like, well, there's very obvious. You yes I think well just very obviously you guys just literally what the fuck do you think just how we were just push just having fun yeah but we weren't very good at escaping yeah come on right and then and then Mormon other guy tries to like chat up Sam the jailer to like make friends with him he's like hey I could tell you're a you're an army veteran I'm a veteran too like where'd you serve what's what's going on with that jailer guys like yep here's your shackles yeah shackles yeah okay rock-paper-scissors to decide if you let us go how about that? Best five out of nine and then, but now they've also taken Porter and Cyrus, right?

Cause they're like, you guys tried to help them escape. So you're now prisoners as well. They're not being kept downstairs though. They're keeping them upstairs. So we cut upstairs where Porter is going to have himself a horse monologue about the glories of Joseph Smith. Oh my God. It's so fucking funny.

Right? Cause it's like his own beating premises. Why do people of Joseph Smith. Oh my god, it's so fucking funny. Right, because it's like his own beating premise is, why do people hate Joseph Smith so much? And I'm like, well, a lot of reasons y'all ain't going to admit to in your movie, so I'm actually dying to know what the answer is here, right? And one that they keep admitting to, which is he just murdered some guy's brother recently.

And the movie keeps telling us about it. Yeah. But no, according to this monologue, the reason is because the greatest prophets always get arrested for treason. Yeah, wait, wait, he goes, are they mad because he printed a book? Because he formed a church? Because he built a city? And I'm like, well, the fucking indictment says riot, treason, larceny, receipt of stolen goods, and arson.

I mean, none of those have print to book on them. So it's not that. Just like Jesus and MLK got put in jail. Maybe they did arson. Maybe they didn't. Who's to say? At one point he says, what's truth? What's lies?

What's in between? I was like, okay, Porter's Eli. That's fun. Yeah. 100%. Oh, it's neither here nor there. I feel like it is. I feel like it is.

Yeah. Yeah. But he points out that all the best prophets get locked up and God always has the last laugh. Right? And just as his monologue wraps up, a lynch mob shows up outside. They didn't want to interrupt him mid-monologue. Right? And just as his monologue wraps up, a lynch mob shows up outside. They didn't want to interrupt him mid-monologue, right? So they wait till he gets done. And then they yell, we want the Mormons. Right? So, Tillery goes outside to confront the lynch mob and explain the

state monopoly on violence. Now, we haven't mentioned this. This is so fucking dumb. We haven't mentioned this yet, but Tillery throughout the whole movie is reading a book on legal ethics. So because this lazy ass writer wants to say things on legal ethics, because ultimately, like this is a story of their profit escaping from prison. So they want to make it seem like it's just right. So he has to start like throwing out John Locke quotes now and again. And they do that by having, well, what if he was just reading John Locke that whole time? Yeah, we find out later it's Blackstone Law and definitely some John Locke. The jailer guy comes out he's like, I will recite from John Locke now and explain society to you, to a mob.

Neil, the leader of the mob is like, boo, did you learn that from a book? Yeah. He's like, yes, I read. And they all freak out. They're like, ah, this idiot reads. That tracks with what I know from living in Missouri. Yeah. That's pretty, pretty much the, the way you, what you come to expect. But yeah, so and then, you know, when he realizes that the mob is maybe getting an advantage over artillery Porter, Porter Rockwell, who's still inside, grabs a gun and jumps like leap superhero dives down into the basement so he can defend the Mormons with his gun against the encroachment of the mob, right? I want him to twist his ankle so bad. It would be awesome. All right. You're going to have to take the gun. Yeah. Against the encroachment of the mob, right? I wanted, I wanted to twist his

ankle so bad. It would be awesome. All right, you're gonna have to take the gun. I can't fucking stay in. Yeah, but then they try to get into the prison. Tillery manlies at him, right? Now, we should mention too that like the guy who plays Tillery looks and sounds a lot like Thomas Hayden Church. Mm-hmm. Right, I had him as Thomas Hayden Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in my notes. But then they're all, like he tells them to get back, they're all standing there guns at each other's foreheads and shit and the sheriff shows up and he's like, wow, how would I best defuse the tension here in this armed standoff? What if I fired my gun in the air?

As a surprise. With a gunshot. A surprise gunshot in the middle of everyone's gun. A gun to everyone's head. That seems like the... I question your technique, Sheriff. I think he was solving the problem laterally, Noah. They're just all dead on the ground. He's like, great. New jailer. No more mob. Yes, no. That's right. Shouldn't be a. No, yes. No, that's right Yeah, shouldn't be a problem And also, okay

So I have to mention this to the sheriff is the guy that gave this movie the most money on ye oldie kickstarter Or whatever he is so bad like everyone else is like because this movie is it's well lit You're right. The the costuming is reasonable It the directing is reasonable, and given how little actually happens with ads that work, the writing is actually not all that bad. And mostly the actors have been competent, but this guy just comes in and takes a huge shit in the middle of the script. He's fucking awful.

This guy is to this movie as Burt Reynolds is to all movies he was in after the year 1990. Like, hey, look at this, Burt Reynolds in a movie again, huh? That's what the sheriff is doing, except nobody fucking knows who he is. Right, yes. Got an oversized hat. It's pretty funny because it's too big. Pretty big hat.

By the way, in terms of costuming, this sheriff like donated enough money that he was like, and I get to pick whatever jacket I want. Yes. He chose the jacket from triple x that Vindigl. He sure did. Yeah it's fucking amazing and he's just like he's like and this is just the coat I wear I am a reasonable person now. Also I have a machine gun and poison. Yeah. He does one useful thing he's's like, all right, mob, go home or I'm going to let the Mormons preach at you. And they're all like, fuck fine. God, I hate. Yes.

Right. They all do leave. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. But he's there for Porter and Cyrus, the two guys that helped with the escape. Right. So that's, that's his thing. And then, so they leave and we get this like very quick scene of all the Mormons being cold in their prison and everything.

And I only I would have left this scene out it all together, except that one of them accidentally kicks over the shit bucket in his sleep. Yeah, OK. That was funny. Why are they keeping the shit bucket right in the middle of all their sleeping areas? Why not have it in a corner? Yes. It's your own goddamn fault you deserve to sleep in your own shit. Who kicked over the shit bucket that's on top of the Jenga game that we put in the middle of the floor while we're sleeping together? It's... Alright, well I'll tell you what. We just had a big almost action scene which is about as close as we're ever gonna get in this movie. So we're gonna pause and let you appreciate that, but back in a flash with even more... Out of Liberty.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Okay, but he's not really Republican now. Did you see how fat that bulldog was? I did. I did see how fat it was. Ayyyyy fellas, you ready to record more podcasts? Uh, yeah, Eli. Why are you on stilts? Oh, podcasts? Uh, yeah, Eli. Why are you on stilts?

Oh, I'm glad you asked, Noah. Ever since Heath declared me the muscle of the podcast a few weeks ago, I can't help but wonder why I'm not also the brains and the tall of the podcast, you know? Hoping these bad boys changed that. Got it. Right. Um, look, Eli, if you're dealing with unhealthy comparisons that are bumming you out, why don't you try therapy?

Therapy? I thought that was only for crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Wow, so I can find the right therapist for me without the miserable leg work, if you'll excuse the pun. Right, yeah. Because I'm wearing stilts. Nope, yeah, we got it. Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today

to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-l-p dot com slash awful. All right, guys. Thanks. So are you going to come down? I can't. I am super glued my feet to the stilts. Got it.

Yeah. Probably should have gone for smart guy first, huh? Yeah. Probably. Now, Sam, listen to me. If we're ever going to get justice, we need our lawyer to be able to... Hey, Hiram, what you doing? Hmm? Uh, nothing. Sure? Cause it looks like you're trying to just walk out of the room in slow motion.

I'm not. I'm not doing that. You are though. I can see you with my eyes. No. You are though. I can see you with my eyes. No. You... can't. Highroom stop or I will shoot you with a gun. I'm just... looking. At... at the door?

Yes. Okay, step back inside. You can see the door from here. Ugh. Smoke bomb! Dude... dude, you have a turd in your pocket. You just threw it on the ground. No, it was a smoke bomb like a ninja. from here. Smoke bomb. Dude, you have a turd in your pocket. You just threw it on the ground. No, it was a smoke bomb like a ninja. There isn't, man. OK.

And we're back from where this shit we're going to rejoin the inaction with Joey's wife, Emma, coming to see him. Like, Joey's sitting in the fucking cell and they hear the hoofbeats and he's like, I know the smell of those hoofbeats anywhere. That's my wife.

I don't know. Or maybe God told him or something. I don't know. Yeah. Nice of them to include Emma, the first wife. The wife prime. It's funny how they don't include those other ones. The ones he had at the same time and the ones that he met as children

whenever they do these movies. So yes. So, yeah, but Emma's there along with Hiram's wife, I guess, and Hiram's wife's new baby. At first, Hillary doesn't want to let him in. He's like, you know, they try to escape again. So no visitors to them anymore. And they're like, yeah, but we're ladies and it's eighteen thirty nine.

And he's like, yeah, I'm not. Yeah, no, that's fair. I wanted them to put the baby in irons just in case. So, yeah, so he lets him out, he lets him come upstairs. I wanted to be so revolted by the smell of the guys that they're like, OK, but you can't hug us. Oh, God. Jesus. I wanted the baby to immediately vomit from the shit Yeah, yeah, right. And what follows is this like meeting the baby montage and we as Mormons are Spoke as that is the only people right tended to watch this where are supposed to be so

Move the music in the background is like Yeah, no. And they could, they like, we might as well be watching a reuniting scene between Osama Bin Laden and one of his child brides. It's so- Historically speaking. And so, and what they're trying to bring across here,

of course, is that Sam Tillery is seeing all of this love and compassion and non-criminality. How could these possibly be bad people, right? Because of course the whole movie is building towards his big change of heart. Yeah. Yes. Yes? Yes. It's executed so poorly it's hard to say yes to that, but yes, I guess so. That's what they aim for, yeah.

That's why it also has to be like this expert in legal ethics, you know Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. So, okay So then we get a scene where the lawyer tells him that he's finally got a date for their hearing. I Don't know what they hear which what hearing this is but the movie like the movie desperately needs something to happen They're like hey good news We'll be outside of this one fucking room where the entire movie is taking place in at some point for a hearing in two weeks. Yeah. And they're talking about judge selection again.

They're like, oh, it's judge turn him. Is he cool? You think that'll be good? And then Samuel's like, judges put aside their biases. They think about fairness. And I was like, cool. Yeah. The legal system of 1839 Missouri is actually better than now.

It actually was. Yeah, honestly, probably was. No Ken Del Vecchio are they? Yeah. So, yeah, so they have this conversation that we cut to that night. So I guess the lynch mob, after Tillery leaves, the lynch mob sometimes will come and they'll just start a little fire and yell taunts down to the Mormons. They have a roast song.

Yes, they do. They have a whole little song. That was fun. I wrote in my notes, excuse me, that's my wife's job, sir. Stay in here later. Right. Yeah. So yeah, so they'd sing about how much they love killing Mormons and Lyman is downstairs

desperately prompting a flashback again being sick muttering right. Yeah, still no dice, still no dice. And this is where we introduce and this is going to become a huge part of the movie, right? This is where we introduced the fact that Sidney Rigdon wants to be his wants them to fire their lawyer and let him act as their legal defense. And this is building towards what Eli was talking about earlier,

but they have to make it a huge conflict, because it's really hard to read this as anything other than Sidney abandoning everyone else, you know, to get his, right? So they're trying to, like, soften that blow. Right. And historically speaking, like, Sidney Rigdon was there for less of the treason? Yes. Not none of the treason, but he was there for less of the treason. Yes. Not none of the treason, but he was there for less of the treason.

So what happened in Real Reality podcast listener is Sidney Rigdon was like, I wasn't there, sob story, sob story, and the judge was like, okay, cool, you can go. But this movie is setting it up like Rigdon's like, damn it, I know I can do better than that slack jawed Jew lawyer you hired us. Right, right. They'll be like the powers of his oratory, not the fact that he literally wasn't there when several of the crimes were committed.

That's what's going to get him out. Yeah. But he says that eloquently. Yeah, exactly. Right. He won the Mormon law thing. I also have to point this out. And we've seen this in a lot of the hagiography

of Joseph Smith, right? Which is that whenever there are scenes like this in the movies, they make no sense because Joseph Smith is the prophet of God in Mormonism, and you wouldn't argue with the prophet of God, right? There's never a scene where Peter and Jesus are going like, you don't want Mexican?

We had tie two nights in a row. It doesn't make sense, because one of you is the prophet of God. So what's important to understand is that the reason these scenes are so false and weird and Joseph speaks so little is because it's an entire re-rated history. At this point in history, they were literally making no triple stamp, a double stamp rules about prophecy because they kept being like, um, an angel have spoken and says, Joseph is a big poo poo-pooh face.

And don't listen to him. No, a different angel better. Our angel to me. Yeah. And they're trying to rewrite it so hard with Joe Smith doing his little speech here too. They're all arguing about lawyering or whatever. And he's like, everybody be quiet. I, Joseph Smith, am calm talking guy.

We're all innocent, that is canon. And they're like, canon, that is canon. He's very calm. We're all innocent, 100%. And he's like, the truth will protect us if we go without fear, we will win the trial because of God or something. So stupid.

Yeah, he's like, hey, look, it sucks for us to all be in jail, but think about how many movies later Mormons will be able to inflict on Heath, Eli and Noah over this. Yeah. Come on guys, think about it. Also, they won't win the trial. Spoiler like that. Nope. The prophet of God says that here and they forgot about it. He got it wrong. Well, so I think what they're doing, because they do this several times, is that they're setting up that like, but they would have though, but they totally would have it. It was a fair trial. They were trying to escape.

Yes, but not because they were guilty. Yeah. So then we, we got to like Porter sneaking up the next day with a, with a bucket. He's sneaking up to the jail so he can pass some fresh water through the window and a couple of hand drills, these comically large drills. He goes like, Hey, y hey y'all can you drill your way out of jail you ever seen Shawshank Redemption? It's kind of like that only stupider only

Significantly less practical I could not have brought you a worst tool for getting out of jail than a hand drill. He might as well hand them a giant beer bottle opener and be like, you know, just, ksh. Yeah. And based on what's happened so far, they just keep fucking everything up. So I was like, okay,

can't wait to see how they fuck it up with these hand drills. Right. Trying to like use augers to get out of a basement jail. We will see them do that, but... Yeah! We watch them do that for a lot. The handle of these hammers is all twisty. I don't know why...

You gotta... We're hitting, right? You guys are hitting? Do cartwheels. That's what you gotta do. Spit around, will you? Are you using your shoulders or your arms? Oh my god, that's really...

I want to be very clear. Heath is not joking. Towards the end of the scene, he literally says, says remember to use your shoulders not just your arm. You got a lift with your back We're hammering the side of the jail with an awk How many jails has Porter drilled his way out of? Right. So yeah So he's deep but he explains to him how they can tunnel out with their little loggers or whatever. And then we get this long scene of them trying to get a, I just got to get in, I got to get it to grip. Once it grips, it'll be pretty easy. We get

that for like seven minutes. And what makes this scene amazing is that the whole fucking time Sydney Rigdon is just heckling them. Right? He's just standing behind them going like, y'all are fucking suck. This is never going to work. It's stupid. You're never going to drill your way out of a prison. Y'all are a bunch of fucking idiots. You guys are fucking stupid.

Okay. There's one thing I have to talk about in this scene, and I know it's just a tiny moment, but it's so fucking funny to me. They do the monologue with the Killing Angel of Mormonism guy. He gives him the drills. And then, I think they must have forgotten the line or something. He does that Midwestern, well. He does.

That thing when you want people to leave. Yep. He does that. And then leaves. And then he leaves. He's like, yeah, well, I ran out of of stuff to say that's my list. I'm gonna go Well, those are my lines You didn't have anything else that you wanted to say. All right, well then bye

Yeah, so they start drilling out Sidney's complaining and there's this ace like it'll never work It'll never work. It's silly and and one of them goes and I just have it as like Mormon six I don't know who the fuck is who in this, but he goes, well, you know what else is silly and would never work? Turning water into wine or making the lame walk. And I'm like, well, yeah, no, those also didn't happen. It's a brave time for you to say it, man. Yeah. I mean, it would be silly to make wine if you're Mormon using that magic. It would. No, actually, it would be a pretty make wine if you're Mormon using that magic. It would no actually It would be a pretty dumb use of your spell slots. Yeah

Well, and then I love to this is a fucking amazing thing that the Mormons didn't mean to put in their movie that but they Did is like behind him? Everybody is working hard trying to drill this wall and just Joseph Smith is just sitting there contemplating and doing none of the work which perfectly if you know anything at all about Joseph Smith is just sitting there contemplating and doing none of the work, which perfectly, if you know anything at all about Joseph Smith's actual history, perfectly summarizes Joseph Smith. He's the Steve Jobs of Mormonism. 100%.

Yeah. Uh-huh. He's cooling his feet in the shit bucket. So yeah, but, and then, so Sydney, he doesn't feel like his complaining is quite ramped up enough. So then he yells, not even Jesus has suffered as much as I have. And the record needle screeches and everybody just looks so fogger screeches to a stop and they're like, what?

Yeah. They pause like Noah and Heath after I go too far with a joke and I know there's going to be an edit. I'm like, okay, nice. Yeah, so you saw that. A little pause for the cut. They might as well go, Morgan. But yeah, but Sydney breaks down and cries and everything. And then we cut to like late that night

and he's a muttering more. Yeah, a lot of Sydney mumbles in this movie, which is weird because they also did Lyman mumbling earlier. I wanted them to be in a mumble of, no, I'm ill and trying to figure my way out. I'm ill. Well, and again, he's muttering flashback prompts, right? Lyman turns to Joseph Smith.

He's like, I don't know what to do Joseph Sidney keeps muttering flashback interest we don't have budget for that do you think you might humble something useful to us you know like like in the movie and like no I'm looking at right sucks right not all right so then they plan to kill Sydney here right they don't say it but they're both like... 100%. So Sidney would be, I don't know, if he was not here, just probably better. Right? Yes.

Right, right. No, if either of them woke up and found out the other one had slit Sidney's throat in the night and thought that they were agreed on it, neither of them would be able to say they didn't see that coming. Exactly, yeah. So, okay. So now, nothing having happened in February, we cut to March of 1839. The title card might as well read, Did Anything Happen in March, at least? Question mark.

I wrote my notes. I was like, I bet nothing happens in this month either. I was right. I was right. I Googled when Joseph Smith died, so I knew how close I was to the movie being over. And it was no help to me. No, right. The wrong jail escape. Right, right. No, this is where I realized how hard this was to Google. I'm like, when did he escape from jail?

In Missouri. In 18th. God damn it. Yeah. So right. But it's March of 1839 now. Antillery's arriving with his bucket. He's bringing a moldy bread to eat now.

Right. That's been an ongoing thing. He's bringing a moldy bread to eat now, right? That's been an ongoing thing. He's bringing them gross food. He opens up the hatch and they're like, stop screwing into the wood with the auger that we have. What? Hey buddy, you doing? Yeah. And so while he's upstairs getting the moldy bread ready, a couple of the Lynchman Neil

and his buddy, his sidekick have shown up to heckle him from the window again? Well, because it's a third in the cycle of three scenes, you see, Nella, it is the try to escape from jail scene, it sure does suck to be in jail scene, and now it's the third in the cycle, which is the hecklers coming back. Yeah, right, the Lynch mob shows back up, right. Okay, the heckling was pretty funny though,

because they were like, hey, Joseph Smith, it's me, your guardian angel, Moroni. Yeah. Got him. And if you're Joseph Smith, you made up that ghost, you kind of have to play along and be like, at least for a second, oh is that- Everybody shut up, it might be Moroni, my guardian angel is real.

He doesn't have, he has a different accent. No, it's not, it's him, it's the mob guy. Yeah, but he's like, you killed my brother It's him. It's the mob guy. Yeah. But he's like, you killed my brother. And this is where they start to do the apologetic on that. Right. He's like, yeah, but your brother sucked though. He was a bad person that deserved it.

Right. And so Neil tries to like, he's, he's sharpened a long stick and he's going to try to like stab in there with it. Right. He's going to spear one of them. What was the win in his head when he thought of shove stick through tiny jail window? I guess that maybe it was gonna go through his eye into his brain. You remember? Yeah. You remember the Phantom? The microscope where you're like, look at

the microscope. Guys, don't you fucking leave me stranded on the Phantom reference. I have no idea what you're talking about. Of the opera? Guys, guys, this is an emergency. It's an emergency. The Phantom movie. The movie The Phantom. Never saw it.

The villain has a microscope that he makes people look in and it pokes out their eyes. You're talking about the musical Phantom of the Opera. No, I'm talking about the Phantom. I don't remember that part. You keep this in the podcast. I never tell you to keep this. You keep it in. I need the people to rise up as one. And tell me I didn't imagine the Phantom.

I mean, whatever happened in the Phantom, I don't know. Wait, Phantom told us? No, this is Phantom. He was wearing purple. Yeah, we were the purple, the Phantom from the old comic strips. And the bad guy had a microscope. Yeah, okay. I believe you. Why do you know somebody phantom references are this one? Phantom Menace?

So I had one too. Keith is not going to speak for the rest of the podcast because he's just going to be thinking of phantom references. Of the opera? No, I did that one. So, but he goes to stab him with his little stick. They grab his arm and he's like, well fuck now they got my arm and so they have this minute moment where they're gonna try to pull him through the bars like a Toothpaste kind of situation squirting type thing or whatever, but he gets away. They get his jacket That'll never matter. They won't like use the jacket for anything.

They do like a ha ha. Got your jacket. Huh? Scuffing it now. I'm scuffing it. Oh, I'm wiping my ass with it. Feels so good. I'm a butthole open right on it. So suede. I like the nap on this. But they hear him yelling and so so Tillery comes running out, right? He's going to wrestle Neil and get him away from his prisoners. So then so Tillery gets his fucking ass kicked.

Yeah. Right. And the guy playing Neil so clearly doing his stupid MMA 101 rear naked joke that he recently learned from his piece of shit class. Yeah. So stupid. Yeah so they get the best artillery and they're about to kill him he says don't kill me now they only have like a week left until they're hearing and he's and and apparently that's Neal's like oh well in that case it would be silly to. Alright well I wouldn't want to interrupt jurisprudence. I don't understand why that was so convincing to him, but it was he might as well be like guys

This isn't how the movie ends and they're like, oh, okay. Oh, right. No, you're right We're stuck with the history and nothing actually happened. We probably shouldn't have won the fight then huh? Yeah, you should have won So he starts joking himself flipping it around So but back inside the jail Mormon number three is still hard at work and he do framing his way out with the drill. And this is he pushes so hard that he actually breaks the handle on it. Right.

Because it's completely the improper tool for drilling your way out of a fucking prison. I guess. But yeah, because it's a wine bottle opener. Because jails don't have a cork. can write. Okay, they had a cork though but yeah, but so but no, but he's cut through he's broken through the wall and then they're like Fuck we're in a basement. That's just the ground now. Okay, I So hard at this moment we hit some rock we're out no're out. No, no. Did you guys know we're underground? Fuck. And then they just they have a little bowl of rocks like they cut

from that to them all dismayed just looking at like eight rocks in a bowl. I feel like that. I was gonna take a hundred and thirty 135 years. Have we tried slowly walking out and he doesn't see us? Have we tried cheesing it? I know I've asked this before. I know I've asked this before. Can any of us eat dirt? Like nom nom nom like worm? No? Still no? Okay.

Thank you for trying Hiram. That's what I'm talking about. Problem solver. Yeah. Give me a shit bucket. But they give up. They give up after getting one bowl full of rocks for the night. And there's also this moment where they're like they're all sitting there afterwards

and they're looking at Sydney and he's muttering crazily or whatever. And they're like, hey, do you think Sydney's going to actually be able to talk the judge into letting us out? And they're like, why would we think that? It would be insane for us to think of that given what the audience knows of Sydney Rigdon at this moment, right? But they established that he is actually a great preacher and he turned a lot of people into being Mormon, so he's pretty darn convincing.

Okay. And again, I just have to point this out so that everyone understands what's going on, right? So again, I talked about this earlier. Sydney Rigdon was like, I wasn't there for all the treason, which to be fair, he wasn't there for all of it. So he's just like, let me go fuck those guys, right? So what they're rewriting the story as is that Sidney is such a passionate and eloquent

speaker that he's going to fucking diatribe his way out of having done crimes. And spoiler alert, he just might. Well, yeah. He's just going to be like, I wasn't there for the treason per se, no lo contendrera. And they're like, gavel. Eloquent. Well, maybe that'll happen or maybe it won't. We don't know what's going to happen at this hearing. God damn it. Let me have some kind of suspense. We're gonna pretend that's...

Will God be right? I question marked. I question marked. Yeah, so that did... I'm gonna get back through the hard sell anyway. Gavile? Maybe I get back through the hard sell. Will their next escape plan involve painting a large tunnel on the side of a cliff? Will that painted tunnel somehow issue forth a real train? Will Tillery meep mockingly at them before speeding away? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the encomiastic conclusion of…

yeah, I just learned that one so I had to find some use for it… Out of Liberty. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. And if Max says, I want a Ferrari, you say... What color? Oh, come on, man. Hey, guys. Whatcha doing? Hey, Heath. Hila and I got to talk about financial planning for us and his son, and it is not going well.

Okay, but what if he needs a Ferrari? No illusions. Listen, guys, I know teaching your kids about money can be tough, but you can make needs a Ferrari now, Aleutians? Listen, guys, I know teaching your kids about money can be tough, but you can make it a whole lot easier with Greenlight. Greenlight means go, exactly. Yeah. No, no. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families where parents can keep an eye on kids' spending and money habits while kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely. Wow, that sounds great. Like training wheels for financial decisions. Exactly.

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That's greenlight.com slash awful to try Greenlight for free. Greenlight.com slash awful. Hey, given my finances, any chance they have green light for adults to you try to buy a stock on the bounce again? OK, the summer is the perfect time to buy a zoom though. OK. OK, let's take a look here. Seems like you guys were trying to drill your way out of prison? Uh, no. We would never do that.

Okay, so how did all the holes get in the wall of the prison then? That was... Mice. Mice, probably. Mice, right. Uh, look, guys, you are terrible at escaping. Like genuinely awful. But you keep trying.

I gotta do this. I gotta put you in irons. No, no, Sam, there's no need for that. Unnecessary. There is, though. There's a need. You keep trying to break out of jail, and this makes it harder to do that again. Sam, look, I won't lie to you.

It's an unjust state that locked us in this prison. You know it and I know it. We may have tried to escape in the past, but I am a good man of honor and I swear to you that if you treat us with the dignity and respect that we deserve, we will never try to leave this prison unless the law allows it again. You hear that. Your brother's literally trying to squeeze through a drill hole in the wall right behind you right now. Damn it Hiram.

Almost got it. No you don't man. No I don't. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the dormancy or whatever you want to call this on the day of the hearing. The lynch mob is setting up at the courthouse for a good old pre-trial hanging. Right? Yeah. We haven't mentioned this to this point, but I wrote my notes at this point. This movie has

more establishing shots of wheat than any movie outside of an ADM training video. Oh my God, there's so much wheat. There's just, it's so, they're like, and they really have to lean into their establishing shots because again, nothing happens in the fucking movie. Right. Yeah. And one extra's entire job was to do the old timey, like spit tobacco thing. Yeah. He fucks it up so bad. It's all over. Over and over again.

He's just constantly in the background dribbling shit down his face. It's amazing. Give me another take, Chris. This time I'm going to spit good next time. Yeah. Do you use real tobacco, bud? I did. I'm so sick. And I mean cancer. Like it also, I'm nauseous too, but I have jaw cancer now. Instantly. And we should also probably mention my assumption is that this was actually

filmed in the jail that the Mormons preserved this jail or something like that. I could be wrong, it could be a replica, but I think it was the actual jail. The ceiling is super low, right? Because buildings didn't have as high a ceilings in the 1800s. People weren't generally as tall in the 1800s. And it doesn't matter for any of the actors except for this lawyer who's way too tall to stand up in this thing. So his head's just constantly bent with his ear to the ceiling. So I guess Heath probably doesn't

find that funny at all, but I found it very fucking funny. Wow. Do we need to guys, do we need to pause? Bring in the HR department? Like Ryan Air in there. Not. So, yeah air in there. Not. Yeah. So yeah, but they're all like standing around in the jail going like, well, you know, there's

a big mob waiting to murder you at the courthouse. I don't think we can go there. Right. But then the courts like, oh, we actually have other there are other buildings other than the courthouse. We could just go somewhere else. And so they just they decide to have court at a school somewhere else. And so they just, they, they decide to have court at a school somewhere else.

Yeah. That was the big, that's the big thing that we were building towards in that scene. Can we have court outside? Yeah. But the court's like, fuck you, Lynch mob. We're going to be over at the schoolhouse. So they, they go to the schoolhouse for the hearing and apparently Sydney is so sick

now that they have to carry him around on a little blankie. Okay. Okay. I can't, I can't talk about it. I can't talk about it. I can't talk about it. Yes. Interesting.

That is what's happening in the movie. But here's the thing though. Even if you're so sick that people have to carry you around on a little blankie, they can still prop you up in a chair. Yeah, they sure fucking can. But they just lay him on the fucking floor. I don't think that's true. That doesn't make any sense.

He delivers. When you're sick, you become made of semi-liquid. I'm pretty sure. Podcast listener, he will deliver the first nine tenths of this scene from McCott, including his, like, let my people go monologue. Yes. Yes, right, so they bring him in,

they lay him down on the floor, the lynch mob hears that they're down at the schoolhouse, so they all come in and they're like, all right, well, we can't lynch you, but we can still sit in the Peanut Gallery and yell rude comments at you during the court proceeding. When did they stop letting you heckle court? Because I want to take my time machine back to before then.

That is what I want to do. Make America great again, damn it. Yeah. So, but the lynch mom all stands there heckling the lawyer and the judge is like, well, we can't have a hearing under circumstances like this. Obviously, there's no way the Mormons could get a fair hearing anywhere in Missouri. But Sidney Rigman from laying on the ground does his like, I shall be heard. Oh, it's so good. No, it's like a stand up comedian having like a nervous breakdown on stage and just

turning away and laying down and delivering the whole bit from there, but he does it in court here. Yes. And it sort of works. He's like, I will not allow a timeout on our hearing. And the judge is like, yeah, okay, that's a pretty solid point. Sounds like he's going somewhere. Let him finish. Okay. And then heckler guy, Neil from the mob is like, this guy can't even stand up. It doesn't count. Talking doesn't count. Let's stand up. And then Sydney gets stood up. Stands up. Yeah. And then they just get the, will they help him to his feet? But then he just stands there. So like, he could have been standing the whole time. And heckler guy is shut down by this.

He's like, fuck, didn't see that coming. Woulda shot me down. With him standing up right after I said it doesn't count. Woulda shot me down. You drag a man in on a cot, he does half his monologue from the floor and I'm like, why don't you stand up and he does? I spend the rest of the time just listening.

I'm like, yeah, you got me, man. No, that's fair. That is fair. I am shook by that change. And what's amazing here, again, they've set this up. They've now spent like a third of this movie setting up this great monologue from the brilliant orator that he is, Sidney Rigdon, right? And he gives this whole big, you know,

we have been trying for a thousand miles to find somewhere that wouldn't turn us away in every community. We've read this persecution and you say we stole the animals, we stole livestock, but in truth, they just kind of wandered into our area. So we ate them. And they, but yeah, right. He just like throws that in the middle and you're like, well, that still doesn't care.

You had, you knew it was your cow though. You can't just eat a thing because it's Indian. Is it touching base? Is that why you're allowed to kill? Also, if you know anything about the history of this period of time, the rewrites. So these Jews were like, I bet your ovens don't get that hot. I'll show you a thing or two. That's the level of historical rewriting that is happening right now. No. Of historical rewriting that is happening right now. They bought tickets for those trains. But he gives this long fucking speech about how persecuted the Mormons are and then he

throws it at the end. And oh, by the way, I wasn't even there when the treason that I'm being charged with. I was like, elsewhere is in a different state and I can prove that. And the judge is like, oh, well, why did you say all the other stuff then? That's irrelevant. Yeah. It was cool when you did a bunch of Latin. So like, you're good to go. But like, yeah, the rest of that was relevant for sure.

Okay. Done. Yeah. So they, they, but the judge says, all right, well, you're free to go. And he's like, I can't because they'll kill me the lynch mob guys. And they're like, that's not, not our problem anymore though, actually, as it turns out, but ultimately, tillery agrees to escort him back to the jail and his family can pick him up from there. Right. So, so that night we're

back at the jail, we're having some tea. Tillery has to tell Sydney how impressed he was by his oratory as well. Yeah. But then he flips around. He's like, Yeah, so good Latin or whatever. But you know, I hate to be that guy. Maybe do a speech that helps your friends too next time. Because that's what you're out there in the home. That's the problem of this rewrite, right? Is that you also have to then write a part of, well, if he was able to do

a diatribe that was so good that they would just get out of. Why didn't he get Heath and Eli out as well? Exactly. Why doesn't he also let them be on the podcast? So, yeah. So, he's got to talk about how much he regrets it and he never thought it would be just him and these are his best friends and he's not sure. Right. Yeah. Sidney Rigdon's great-great-grandson must have produced this film or something. It smacks of, maybe this is true niche reference, but sometimes you're reading a fanfiction. Or, sorry, sometimes I'm reading a fanfiction. A younger me is reading a fanfiction, an erotic fanfiction, if you will,

and all of a sudden the characters in Hunger Games are behaving in a way they never would. So the writer of the fanfiction feels a need for the characters in the fan fiction to be like, I thought that PETA and so and so didn't get along. Why would they be having a game? That's what this movie is. It's the Mormon vermin. I'm clicking through the chapters until I see the word cock, but I'm still, you're explaining it to me anyway.

Yeah. Hey, there's a couple of nerd perverts in our audience who were like, God, he lives amazing with the, I know the rest of you, the rest of you are lost and also worried for me, but I'm telling you those nerd perverts, they get it. Yeah. We each, we each appeal to our own 17% of the audience. Nerd perverts. So, but the speech gets, Tillery is so pissed that he slaps the T out of Sydney's hand at one

point and like angrily tells us his backstory. Yeah. So I guess he was in a regiment in the war of 1812 that had to retreat and let the White House get burned down. And so he's been known as a coward around town ever since because his guys retreated. Right. Retreated from Canada. That's rough.

Come on. Yeah, that's fair. Fair. But yeah, he's like, this is just like my backstory. I'm like, I don't see how these things are related in any way. He's like, well, no, I, but we had to work it in somehow. We set it up earlier. I mean, you didn't have to set it up. Well, no, I, but we had to work it in somehow. We set it up earlier. You didn't have to set it up.

Well, no, I guess we guess we didn't. But then but Sydney's wife shows up to pick him up. And Joseph Smith has been waiting upstairs with him this whole time. I guess so he'd have company. But now Joseph has to lower himself back down on this rope to get into the basement. And I only mention that because this actor takes so fucking long to lower himself down. It's 15 minutes. It's incredible. It's incredible. And they're doing a very dramatic dialogue while he's doing it. So it's just baby. It's just fat baby Heath and gym class trying to climb the rope

while also doing a historical drama. I tell you, Joseph, I've never done a... I'm not going to ring that bell. I'm not even going to get close to the bell. So, but yeah, but then, so he gets down. My average motion is down this whole time. I started at the bottom. I'm lower somehow.

How did I get lower? It's... But yeah, but so, but he gets locked back downstairs. Sydney goes to leave and he turns to Tiller and he's like, Hey man, do you think that somebody's like going to be hiding in the bushes to kill me? And he's like, probably bye. And then closes the door on him. I love that so much.

Bye. Probably shouldn't have fucked your buddies. Huh? Bye. So, okay. So then the next morning, the sheriff shows up and he wants to come down and check out the basement. Make sure nobody's been drilling any holes in it. Right? So he comes out, everybody stands in front of the drilled hole, like me and my

brother hiding a hole we put in the drywall. Nothing over here. This is supposed to be Joseph Smith, prophet of the angel Moroni. Why would you put this in your movie? Yeah. He tries to swallow an auger and he's just like, I don't work at all. So yeah, but the sheriff finds the hole and he's like, yeah, we actually know about it because you said that hat guy away with a handle to fix it or whatever. And he got caught.

Right. So they go to put him in irons again. And again, Joseph Smith is like, there's no need to knock. There's a hole in your jail cell. You fucking you just drilled. You did that. It could have been anybody actually that drilled that hole in the jail cell. So you did it. You just drilled you did that could have been anybody actually that drilled that hole in the jail cell So say you did it. Yeah

So they they have what is supposed to be a very dramatic shoving mesh. Yes Uh-huh. Yeah, cuz Mormon number five ain't wearing no damn chains. Damn it So they end up all in a fight in a tiny little closet like D&D minus cuz Eli doesn't know how like three dimensions All they're missing is a werewolf. Yep. Yeah. So, but they, but eventually they stopped fighting because nothing in this movie can have a consequence. Otherwise they'd have to reconcile it with the historical record. So they all get put in irons. And then we get someone we've never met, who I guess is like the governor's man or something. And he's here to chat with Tillery about the change of venue that the Mormons got now.

So this is fucking amazing, right? Because again, the ahistorical thing, the rewrite of this is not bribed to the guards with whiskey. He has been studying a very specific subset of laws that means you're allowed to abandon your duty and let Joseph Smith get away. But what's been missing so far is someone coming and saying he's innocent. And that's what this fictional character,

apropos of Nothing Is There To Do, he is literally there to be like, by the way, I don't know if there's any reason for me to tell you this, but they are totally innocent. And everybody knows it. And it's just public opinion that had him locked up in the first place. I don't know if there's any reason for me to tell you this, but they are totally innocent. There's no way. And everybody knows it. And it's just public opinion that had them locked up in the first place. And public opinion acts out quote, like an unfettered child, end quote.

Dude, do you fucking fetter your kids? What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What are you doing to your children? Also, the idea that they're innocent after like 20 times in the movie already trying to beat up Sam and escape jail is so, and do a murder that we keep getting told about also. Yep. They did that as well. Yeah.

They kept, honestly, when they keep failing, I just, I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, all right, if they just do the entire rest of the movie with them failing and failing and failing and they never get out of jail, I would love this movie. Yeah. Never a better way to finish it. Yeah, no doubt. If this really did end with him.

Then you will love history. Yeah, right. I've got some great news. Yeah. So, okay. So, but Tillery goes inside, because what the guys basically told him is he's like, hey, look, the governor really wishes this whole problem would just go away. You know, if only we didn't have to find them innocent or guilty, if someone could find some solution

to that, right? So he goes inside to think on his position and downstairs, Joseph is cry praying. Oh yeah. This is this actor's fucking Oscar bid right here, baby. Isn't it though? Now I'll say what you learn after 465 Christian movies is cry praying means we're almost there guys. We're almost there. Right. But at first they all, they have to flash back to all the stunt work in the movie. So now correct me if I'm wrong, cause I could be misinterpreting this,

but I feel like what's happening right now is that both Tillery and Joseph Smith are remembering the movie. Yep. Yeah. And we're getting like a mashup of their, like a both of their flashbacks. Yeah. They're both one swoosh in, at least at this point.

Like I thought they were going to bonk heads in like the same area for a second. They're just cross cutting with these two, these two flashbacks sequences. And then they do like flashbacks, two flashbacks. They get very confused here. This is what they flashback to the immediately previous scene, right? He flashed back to that conversation he was just having with the dude. I'm like, we, we remember that guys. But honestly, because the flashbacks are constantly like,

well, remember when this guy punched this guy? Oh, what about the time that this guy got thrown down? It's like the movie is saying, see, something did to happen in this movie. A lot of stuff happened, actually. A lot of people could have got hurt. You spent three days on this fight choreography. Noah, Heath and Eli. You guys are wrong. God damn it. But ultimately, though, Tillery decides that they're right and he should forgive them for trying to auger their way out

of fucking prison eight minutes ago. So he goes downstairs and he takes off their handcuffs because he realizes that Joseph Smith is a trustworthy guy after all. Yeah. And then I guess Joseph Mormonisms at him a bit. Because of this pep talk and which can I say, peak Joseph Smith, he's like, look, they might kill you. They might torture you. They might say in all of the history books that are even a little reputable, that you let me go in exchange for whiskey that my brother brought with him. But you get to go to heaven and dying for me builds character.

Doodly-doo. Doodly-doo. Bonked my head. What was that? Oh, damn it. Doodly-doo? So now we cut to April of 1839, which we had all Googled by this time, is the month when anything finally happens in this story, right? So, lawyer, so Tillery showing up at the prison for another morning of hard work. The lawyers there this time, right? They're about to go off to do their, their trial. So he opens the hatch, the poop bucket

guys holding the poop bucket up again. So they got him. Classic bet. They even have a bit where the guy goes, you're going to miss that, aren't you? And he's like, I won't miss anything about the person. Which means that they do this every day. Or at least regularly. Which means like, look, if you're the one standing there for any amount of time holding a big bucket of your own feces, you did not get me. Right?

I'm not the one who get... And also, by the way, the second time you did that to me I just I would just knock it out of your fucking hand. That's right You're gonna you're gonna kick a bucket of shit onto someone's head I mean come on second time but the first time I definitely got the first time you got a shirt No, that's that's I don't care if I had to perch above your door like spider-man for 40 days and 40 nights And got you good. You'll see it matriarch next year.

Yeah. Okay. So yeah. So, but they're like, oh, you know, our trial, we finally made it. I was worried for a while that we wouldn't survive because like you couldn't possibly be the prophet of God. If you died in prison, I mean, that would be ridiculous to think that people could get it. But he actually says that he actually like,

had they had their little, I guess it's a kind of a wink and an Easter egg for Mormons or whatever. But yeah, he might as well turn to camera and be like, call forward. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't. Right. We recorded the episodes in different order. This is a get ahead. So yeah. So, but the lawyer's like, Hey, don't worry. I've arranged for a militia escort to bring you to the prison so that none of these lynch mom guys can get you and Joseph Smith in real life was like no don't do that don't do that well because I'm gonna bribe this guy don't do that in the movie it has to be I need no militia God will protect me and atheist guys like here we go Too bad you used up that coupon Joe. I feel like you're gonna need that

Yeah So yeah, right. So but but they decided to go without the militia They're not gonna wait for the militia so they go to leave and the mob is already there I want so when that happened when they made that decision to like alright I guess we're going along with Joseph Smith and using no protection God alone. I was like, please get killed the moment you step outside. And they do step outside and the mob is right there as if they heard me say that. I wouldn't be able to just shoot him in the face.

Oh, could have been such a great ending. Yeah. So, but the dead brother guy shows up and he's like, we're not letting him leave. We're going to lynch him once and for all. And Joseph Smith has this great line. He's like, Hey man, look, if I'm guilty of murder, we would refuse not to be punished by the law. So he might as well chop down a fucking cherry tree. It's so goddamn stupid. I promise I didn't do it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. And you can see that neither of I didn't do it. Yeah, right, yeah, right. And you can see that neither of my hands have crossed fingers.

And then Neil has to say, you know, he has to like answer back and he goes, you Mormons, you come here with your thoughts and ideas. Yes. I'm like, okay, it wasn't the thoughts and ideas that people were pissed, it was the raping of their children and whatnot. Well, you know, that, of course,

he has to reveal that this is what they were mad about all along. It was that they just can't handle Joseph Smith's girthy biblical truth. Yeah, exactly. And then of course, after that, Tillery has to have a shouty monologue about ethical philosophy. So he has his bit. And it sort of works and he thought that was gonna help like Sway the angry mob by giving him another lock in speech. It does not go well

No, it does not know cuz they the dead brother guys like all right, you're a nerd I'm just gonna quick draw against you. Yeah, but they're doing it with old timey fucking hand muskets Yeah, I really wanted a quick draw where they're like having to push the powder into the barrel and load them all day. And neither of them fire because it works 2% of the time. Shit. I'm going to do another. But yeah, but Tillery wins the quick draw. Just blowing the powder away. Switch guns. Switch guns. But yeah, but so Tillery wins the quick draw, shoots the other guy, but don't worry, it's in the shoulder. He'll be fine.

Yeah. Right. How many people died in 1839 of an injury? Oh, God. I think just shoot. Fine. Shot. Nothing.

It's nothing. It's a flat. It's only a flesh wound. So, but he shoots Tillery and the mob's like, well, fuck, we know when we're beat. I guess we'll go guys. Well, it seems like the rest of the mob would still be a mob a little bit. It was still mom. You'd think you'd think they would still mob meals like the mother ship from independence Jeff Goldblum is in that bullet after they shoot their leader.

They might like mob even the harder. Yeah. Yeah. So then, okay. And then, so they leave the mob leaves and then, and then the Mormons leave to go ahead. The several days journey to the Southern court and we get a walking montage. There are eight fucking minutes left in this movie and there's a walking montage in it. Yeah. And small talk. Yeah. about the guy's horse. Joe Smith's like, cool, sweet, sweet horse.

Do you have the guys like, you don't have to do that. We're just walking. Come on, man. God. OK, but that does set up one of the funniest, most pathetic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Breakfast club clothes. Yeah, yeah, right. So he says he tells them all about the horse. He's like, what's the horse's name?

He says Medley and Joseph Smith says Medley. What a great name. And we know that's like, what's the horse's name? He says, Medley. And Joseph Smith says, Medley, what a great name. And we know that's like some kind of Mormon Easter egg that Medley is his sidekick in the second movie or something. We don't know. Right. But but but but like you it's very obvious that there I tried. I Googled Mormon Medley and they were like, you want some tabernacle? And I was like, I don't want some tabernacle choir. And they were like, you sure?

We got a lot of doing some tabernacle there while we're while we're right here. So, okay. So they, but they stop in this field somewhere until Richard and Tony says, you know, if you guys go to trial, you will definitely, definitely be found innocent. Which would be bad. Maybe even extra innocent.

You might even be found innocent at crimes that don't exist. The entire universe would collapse in and of itself because you guys would be so goddamn innocent. And that we can't have that. Demoralizing all the fake Christians. Right. Exactly.

It would be so obvious that you guys had the right religion that it would fuck up all of Christianity. Here are a list of reasons why we know that you're in this goes on for so fucking long. But he's like, but so what the only thing we can do is allow you to escape so that the, so that the courts don't have to find you innocent and piss off so many other Christians. Right. In fact, if you think about it, you escaping is the most innocent thing. So I prevented me from beating up those guys outside of Denny's that I was helping them by sneaking out. He does this thing that sometimes I do when I'm losing an argument with Heath,

where I just slow down my speech and get final in my tone. Yeah. And he's like, you didn't say a thing. Just that's what he does in this monologue. I recently said to you, why do you say things? You did. You did say that. Cause like now I have to grind it to halt me.

Like you said for a long, slow time, nothing, the equivalent of nothing. Just don't do that. And we can talk like people. It's my turn. Well, okay, but the key here, the key here though, is that the Mormons don't want to escape but they guess as a favor to the state of Missouri, they will in this instance, right? My hands are tied. I mean, not literally anymore, but my hands would have been tied.

Yeah. So they, but they escape and then fucking Joey turns to the guy with the horse and he goes hey I will buy medley from you with an IOU and the guys like Will you cuz you're like a famous con man who cheats everybody and he's like we'll see You up I'm good for it. Yeah, no, he goes in actual lightness. Is that the word of a prophet or a con man? And I'm just picturing the they're the same picture meme. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly. And then he pulls out the piece of paper from his like

IOU pad that he has with him all over the place. And Hanson, the guy is like, oh, it's a really long, I figured it would just say like, I owe you $150, but it's like a really long front and back postcard that somebody did in small print. Dear Guy. Well, there's probably a lot of, notwithstanding if whether at the time of repayment

is not properly, you know, there's probably a bunch of that kind of stuff in there somewhere. Yeah, but so, but they probably a bunch of that kind of stuff in there somewhere. Yeah. But so, but they, they leave two of them have horses. The other three don't. So I don't know how that's going to work out. Like I guess Joseph Smith just gets home sooner than the other guys. And then we get a scene of Tillery going back to the jail and staring longingly at that bucket as if to say, well, now they're never going to hold that up to my face as I open the thing again. Okay, he stared too long at the shit bucket. Right.

Oh, yeah. I was like, that's a sex thing. That's what I'm going to miss the most. Yeah. He just runs his hands slowly along it. Yeah. It walks out. And then we get the their breakfast club clothes.

And I almost went with best worst breakfast club clothes. Right. Because first they tell us that Tillery eventually did get to be a justice of the peace, so that's what he was studying for the whole time. And then he died. Whatever. The church leaders left Liberty Jail after 155 days. And then the thing that they fucking close on is, and Joseph Smith did pay that guy for that horse. Four years later, he's lying.

I think the movie's lying. 100% and no big you just gave back $150. That's like, I don't know, five grand back then with no big. Yeah, good point. Yeah, but that's where they closed. They're like, he had to be a good guy because he paid for the horse. Right from the guy who clearly like knew where he was and that he was wanted by the state of Missouri.

Anyway, but that's where the movie ends. But that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need more Mormonism next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. In this modern take on the Jane Austen classic, Elizabeth, an earnest college student at Brigham Young University, is more focused on her studies than on scoping out prospective husbands. But when two wildly different suitors, smooth talking womanizer Jack Wickham and straight faced businessman Darcy attempt to win her over, aided by her friends, Elizabeth must

struggle to find love and choose Mr. Right. We'll be watching Pride and Prejudice, a latter day comedy. Oh, for fuck's sake. Oh yeah! Alright, so with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 466 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation

at patreon.com.com. And thereby, you'll have early access to an ad-free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Scathing ADS Citation, D&D minus and the Skype account available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God of Movies at gmail.com.

Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick, the people of Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heath Henwright, Neil Abosnick, I'm Nolusion's promise to work harder. Earn another check next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club close. Mitt Romney went on to start a private investment firm named after a literal Batman villain using right-wing death squad money from El Salvador. And then they hired binders full of women. Joe Smith would go on to cry more. Mormonism laid down their guns and picked up the funeral potatoes. Eventually, they still have guns. How funny is it that I'm just like, all right, we'll record and then train, train immediately afterwards.

All right. You could tell I was about to record by the siren that kicked up in my background. Sorry. Glad to see your neighbors back. That's nice. Good for her. The house was sold actually. Somebody bought it to rent it now. Glad to hear the Supreme Court ruled about atheism. All right. Here we go. Yeah All right, here we go

And we're back for the break down sorry, sorry That was a really funny fucking joke and I just yes to it and then I was like, yep And then and then I got it and then I'm like, okay now it's too late to To laugh without sounding stupid. I was sitting there going like wait, what did the Supreme Court do most recently? Okay. All right. Yeah, I get it. I get it The proceeding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024 all rights reserved