God Awful Movies - 470: The Firing Squad

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of The Firing Squad, the international testament to how bad a green screen can still look with modern technology. --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/

At this point they do a like a perp walk through the airport with them. But they're on a private jet. So they were flying their private jet from gate B2 of a commercial airport. There's other people waiting at that gate to board their private jet. The fast lane is really slow right now. Yeah, the private jet that comes after them pulls up to the end. Can't you see? So yeah, but...

We're in group five on the private jet? Hahaha! With only people on it! Godawful... ...movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

Movie! Welcome back to the Gamecast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because I'm not qualified for normal shit. I'm your host, Noah Luzon, sitting 700 miles to my immediate left, and my good friend Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back. We got Epoch Studios today. Very exciting. It bothers me that I know what that means when I see it. Right, yeah.

It's one of those, like all of the production logos come up and we know immediately what we're in for, right? That's scary at this point. Now Eli's off this week, but we are excited to welcome back the hardest working guest masochist in the business, Michael Marshall. Marshall, welcome back. Thank you. Not just Epoch Studios. Marsh, welcome back. Thank you. Not just Epoch Studios, we are bringing out the big guns.

We have not one, but two, three star names in this movie. This is exciting. This is the most star studded film you've ever got me into. I think so. Star studded with lots of asterisks. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched The Firing Squad. It's the story of death row prisoners and how Christian theology shows us the death

penalty is actually super cool because it's actually the death reward. If you think about it, it you think about it. It is. It's a Christian theology. It is. And Marsh, how bad was this movie? Well, if you want a boring 90 minute promotional video on the benefits of Bitcoin, you will not love this movie. But if you loved prison movies like The Green Mile, but you had absolutely no idea what makes those films interesting or watchable, you will love this movie.

This movie is the Shawshank Pretension. Well done, dude. Yeah, so to be clear, we announced a different movie at the end of the last episode. So I'm super sorry if you watched that shit. Marsh actually watched it first and he was like, guys, this is just some assholes talking about Bitcoin for an hour and a half and not even in a funny way or anything So if you watch that movie for no fucking reason just take comfort in the fact that so did Marsh so at least We considered doing that flatly movie just again

Fuck yeah, I would do Blackbird every week if we could get away with that. Yeah, yeah. But we decided the Bitcoin thing was just Eli pranking us. The point was obviously to try to make Heath watch that not Mars. So sorry about that. But we pulled an audible to this one. And if you're being surprised by that, follow us on social media. We do announce these things on social media.

So it's it's your fault, really, if you think about it. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for be the best at, be the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to go best worst geography of Asia. Sure. Because the main characters in this film are drug runners, which means they travel between countries taking packages of drugs and getting them to drug dealers and things. But when we say between countries, this guy dots around Asia in the most complex and completely

useless of patterns. One minute he's like on the border of China and then he flies closer to China by driving like by flying like five hours south. He's talking about crossing over the mountains to China. There are four countries between him and China at the time and he's on an island. This movie does not know anything about Asia. It's amazing. I don't think this movie knows about the difference between country and city.

No, it certainly doesn't know the difference between province and city. I guarantee you that shit. Yeah. Speaking of which, so I'm going to actually just drop right off of yours, Mars with best worst Chirons. OK, so clearly someone was paid by the Chiron. This movie has so many unnecessary lower thirds that if anything are wrong and cause extra confusion. Yeah, they really do. There are times we geolocate to a specific building. And the thing is you can look that building up and you can say that's not the building. Why give me the

name of the building and show me something that isn't that building why are you lying or it'll tell you what time it is and you'll be like no it isn't that's not the time at all i can tell by the sun it's definitely not and it doesn't matter you didn't establish anything by telling us the time so why lie yeah so i'm gonna go with the obvious one. Best worst, best best. Cuba Gooding Jr. Oh God. Oh God. He is in this movie.

He's a great actor as I understand it. He's an Oscar winning actor. He certainly has been. I loved him many times. And I'll be honest, I loved him in this. He fucking goes for it in this. He takes big swings and I'm not even sure. Like I think it might be he's so good because he's just in a fugue state and he was there

in Singapore or wherever they filmed this and they filmed him doing his thing in real life right now. All right. Well, yeah. Speaking of that, I have to go burn my VHS copy of Jerry McGuire now. So we're going to take a quick break. We'll be back in a minute with all the green screen and somehow worse live action locations that are the firing squad. Hey, guys. So where's Eli this week anyway? Oh, a debtor's prison, actually.

Oh, is that still a thing? No, it's not. But they brought it back specifically for him. A lot of action in the stock market lately. He's been buying a lot of dips. Buying dips, yep. Yeah, it's a real shame they didn't have Greenlight when he was a kid. Oh, what's Greenlight?

Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families where kids learn how to save, invest and spend wisely. And parents can keep an eye on kids' money habits. There's even a chores feature that lets you reward kids for honoring their responsibilities around the house. Wow, is that old? Yeah, should I answer yet? No and no. There's also Greenlight's Infinity Plan, which includes the same access to financial literacy

education that makes Greenlight a valuable resource for which includes the same access to financial literacy education that makes Greenlight a valuable resource for millions of parents and kids, plus built-in safety to give you peace of mind. Such as? Well, with Greenlight Infinity, teens can check in without needing to actually check in, thanks to family location sharing. They can also call for help when they need it, with SOS alerts that connect them to family members, 911, or both.

There's even a feature that detects car crashes and will connect your young drivers to 911 dispatch and alert emergency contacts if need be. Well, that's amazing. How do I sign up? Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to greenlight.com slash awful. That's greenlight.com slash awful to try Greenlight for free. Greenlight.com slash awful. That's Greenlight.com slash awful to try Greenlight for free. Greenlight.com slash awful.

Awesome. So how long is he gonna be in status prison? Well, it was only supposed to be for the weekend, but now he won't leave. Really? Guess he likes the gruel. Right. Reminds him of home.

Sinjin Shroppleshire, the best cameraman in the business. I am so glad to have you on board. Oh, it's so great to be here. So as you can see, the Militia Cosplay Fantasy Camp is going to let us film at their property that includes an abandoned prison. And that's where we're going to be doing the scene today. Right. Good stuff.

So just curious, who got on board for the cast? Oh, well, we didn't have a lot of budget. So, we're going to be using the people at the fantasy camp mostly, for the prison staff. Okay, are they actors? They're players. So, no? Correct. Right. Okay, I guess we'll figure it out.

Well, we also have Kevin Sorbo and Eric Roberts. Oh, you give him free tickets to Fantasy Camp? Yeah, and I let him give out Jesus pamphlets. Yeah, that tracks. But we did, we did get Cuba Gooding Jr. as well. Yeah, he's going to be leading the scene we were about to shoot, actually. Nice. He is a great actor.

Sure. Yeah. So, so for this shot, it's a big dramatic moment on death row right before an execution. All right. Um, yeah, I'll, I'll get everything set up. Sounds good. I'll leave you to it. Later that day, after the scene was shot.

Kuba! Cuba Gooding Jr. That's me. Amazing stuff. Loved your singing. Oh, thanks so much, fellas. But all credit to God, right? And Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Of course, our Lord and Savior. Jesus, yeah, yeah, totally. Thanks again for doing the movie. Sorry, the what? Hahahaha! And we're back for the breakdown, and we're gonna start off by learning that, yes, this movie was brought to us by Epic Studios. That is the Falun Gong Cult.

Nice. Sure is. Yeah, solid. Brought to you by the spinning swastika people. That's fine, that's a good start. Yep, that's yeah. So the movie opens, we get the production logos, and then we open on John 12, 24, which is the unless a grain of wheat falleth to the earth that dies alone, it remain it, whatever that fucking thing is, you know.

Therefore, the death penalty is awesome. Yep. That's the message. I think what's funny is they're like clearly trying to send the message that it's barbaric, but they want to like, they want to say it's barbaric, but not the way you guys do it in America. You guys are okay. It's barbaric, but in a good way. Mysterious way. Yeah. Yeah. Silver lining.

Yeah. So we're going to open up at a prison in Bali, Indonesia, and there's going gonna be an execution. That we know that because multiple reporters with umbrellas are telling us about that. Yes. They have very little information beyond that. They're doing an entire report just being like, yeah, they're gonna kill some people at exactly midnight.

So that's what we know. There's also a point where they say like this, there's a one-time drug dealer turned pastor along with two others are going to be executed. And I'd be really sad if I was being executed, but I didn't get equal billing on the execution even. I was just an addendum. Right. Yeah.

Okay. One of those people is Cuba Gooding Jr. God damn it. Yeah. So yeah, but the VO comes up, not Cuba Gooding Jr. The VO comes up and he says, I'm about to be executed in two hours, but I'm not worried about it because Jesus. And then people, and he's like,

people ask me why I'm going to be executed. And I say, well, would you like the long version or the short version? And I'm like, don't tease me, you fucking bastard. Just no. Can I say no to that? If you're not going to listen when I yell at the screen, no, then don't ask the question.

Yeah, right. So, but we rewind to 2013 through some some jet setting millionaire shit. And let me say, like honestly, I should have gone with my best worst, like best worst movie with no budget trying to do millionaire shit. Yes. Right. There's a lot of him standing in front of a green screen with Michelin stars on it though. Yeah. So that's true. But they do have access to a

Ferrari. Now they're not allowed to take it anywhere more than three miles an hour, but they do have 10 minutes of access to a Ferrari. Somebody's buddy was like, you can park it once slowly. Park it slowly. Not parallel park. I did not say parallel park. Yeah, when he parks it, he's like two feet from the curb. Yes. Because he's like, don't you daft go up those wings. Yeah. But yeah, but our narrator explains, this is Peter is the character's name, Peter Lone.

He's like before, and honestly, this is a real guy. If it wasn't, I would be making fun of what a stupid fucking name Lone is to give to this guy. But anyway, so, but he's like, before I found Jesus Christ, I was a... This is the actual line. Before I found the Lord Jesus Christ, I was a drug runner. I lived life in the fast lane. Come on. If I was trying to come up with an example of bad writing, I would have been proud of that.

Yes. Yeah, 100%. Other people, their life in their lane was like... If I had to come up with an example of bad writing, I would have been proud of that. Yes. Yeah. 100%. Other people, their life in their lane was like, I was like, I'm eight. I also, I love the fact that he says, you know, I was a genius at it. I was a drug smuggling, like a drug running genius, but we'll see that his genius is, carry the drugs in a big bag.

Like a really big bag. A large bag over the border. Yeah. But no, but he's running cocaine into China and he's going to get in trouble. And we learned that because somebody says, you're smuggling cocaine into China, you're going to get in trouble. Like literally every conversation that the drug dealers have in this movie will be, wow, we sure are going to get caught in getting a lot of fucking drugs. The drug dealers meet up here, and I wanted the other drug dealer guy to be like, hey, did you drive a fucking Ferrari here with a giant thing of drugs? That's so dumb.

Yeah, he's a genius drug smuggler. You parked so far from the curb, too. Yes, he's the genius drug smuggler who just drives around in a Ferrari at all times being completely conspicuous and standing out and flying everywhere in a private jet just to really, really emphasize it. Yeah. So yeah, so then we pop over to Hong Kong for a little smuggling. And this is where my best worst part starts coming up because we get so many of these

location chyrons that don't fucking matter. Yes. He's in Hong Kong for like all of like one second on screen. They're doing a deal on a boat and the boat is called the duckling. Yes, like like a baby duck. You've named your bird evil smuggling thing. Is your other boat called the Pope P? Yes. Also, do you do a lot of cocaine smuggling on pirate ships?

That was not like a modern boat or anything. No. A triangular trade of cocaine. Yes. Well, yeah, but he's telling us about how he dined at five star restaurants all over the world and lost money at all of the best casinos and shit. And then the title card pushes us back into Bali. And it's like, we just got to Hong Kong. I have not even set foot down yet in Hong Kong.

What are we doing? Well, we went to Hong Kong to let Monte Carlo for the casinos. And like, Monaco is a complete shithole, other than that one building that you see. But then they gamble in Vegas, and then they're eating at a five-star restaurant in Rome. And it's short to illustrate that, because they can't get to a five-star restaurant on the budget they have.

We just see the receipt of what they ate. It's so silly. Did you pause it on the receipt? I did. Yeah. Yeah. That's 34 euros for beef and cheese. Sure did.

21 euros for stuffed dates. Stuffed dates for 21 euros. This restaurant saw them coming. 21 euros for stuffed dates. Stuffed dates for 21 euros. This restaurant saw them coming. Yeah, they went to apparently a Michelin-starred tapas bar in Rome, and they ordered three beef and cheeses when they were there. They did, yeah. That's the life in the fast lane story right there.

Yeah, no, exactly. I also love that it says Hong Kong and then it shows them in Vegas. Shit. So, and then it says Bali and it shows them in a fucking private jet over water. And I'm like, that's that place isn't underwater though. Now that this is set in the year 2030. So by then it will be in the war. Yep, that makes sense.

Also he pays with an Amex black card, and obviously that's supposed to be like, oh, you know, he's a life in the fast lane, you know, lots of money. I don't think, though, that drug dealers generally pay things with credit cards. I feel like they're using a lot of cash. Yeah, I feel like Amex would probably ask questions when he tried to open that account and put a lot of money through it. Yeah, there's probably some questions to get asked. Right, yeah. Well, also, I love the fact that this movie has to stop and go like, oh, the MX Black card, that's a very exclusive card that only people who live life in the fast lane would have,

huh? Because they know this fucking, this movie's audience doesn't know what the fuck that is. In many ways, it's the Ferrari of credit cards. In that you're allowed to show it on screen, but do not use it. So yeah, so okay. So, but now they're in their private plane and I love this private plane set because it's so clearly not moving, right? And they don't know how to move the camera in such a way to make it look like it's moving. So the plane isn't moving, the windows are all closed and they're filling out the embarkation cards,

and he gets all nervous because it says death sentence for drug traffickers at the time. Yes, it says a death penalty for drug traffickers. This means you, the men in this film, we're talking about you. Yeah. Right. That's an interesting move by Indonesia

or whatever country they're going to. It's like name, date of birth, we execute drug dealers. Yep. Thanks. Well, it gets even worse, right? Cause like we get the title, the firing squad comes up and then we get them walking through airport security and the airport security guy just looks at him and goes, are you a drug dealer?

And he goes, no, you're a fucking drug dealer. I'm not. Yeah. It's very much like drug dealer says what? Yeah. I said, huh, that's not what. That's different. Different thing. And then he says no kind of angrily.

And you know, the Indonesia TSA guy's like, all right, cool. Cool. Yep. No, sorry. Well, we have to ask. I would be so tempted to go, hey, what do you need, man? So I would, I'm never going to go to Indonesia just because I would be way too tempting Yeah, but yeah, and also by the way the next guy in line. They don't ask him that right? So like very clearly Peter just looks like a goddamn drug runner. Yeah He does yeah, so then we get another

Chiron that tells us we're in Cuta Indonesia, which which is in Bali it is Yes, that would be like that would be like a chyron that cuts from California to Los Angeles. It doesn't even make sense. But yeah, so this is where we're going to meet Lou. Lou shows up with a briefcase full of money at Peter's Fancy House. Jason Vale And I love the Fancy House. The Fancy House is one of those like footballers' fancy houses where everything is white. Every surface of this entire house is white. But they've got the craziest choice because in the massive floor to ceiling windows that overlook the ocean, they've got what looks to be rocks in display cases. So it's like he's like an

international drug smuggler who also loves to display his fossil collection. Clearly. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And I love Luke. Luke shows up and he's of course he's in ripped jeans and a t-shirt and a giant briefcase. He's got a stack of hundred dollar bills sticking out of his back pocket. I noticed that shit right away. But he goes, yeah guys, I think the cops followed me here.

And they're like, well, why the fuck did you come here then? Yeah. Yeah. I was being followed by the cops. So I thought we should do this really quickly because if we hang around, they're like, well, why the fuck did you come here then? Yeah. Yeah. I was being followed by the cops. So I thought we should do this really quickly because if we hang around, they're definitely coming in. So yeah. So Peter checks the briefcase and he's like, hey, man, this is missing a giant stack of

hundred dollar bills. And Lou goes, ha, you got me. Right. And he just hands it. Like, I feel like you get, you get shot for that though, don't you? Yeah. There's punishment to that. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just like japs and you don't get like for that though don't you? Yeah there's punishment to that yeah it's not just like japes and you don't get a little ruffle of the hair kind of thing.

Tell you what beef and cheeses are on me next time. Life in the fast lane together. And this is one of my favorite moments because this is where he says you know I'm gonna yeah another plan I'm gonna head over the mountains into China it's gonna be great. First of all the way he says it's to be great sounds like he's planning his hiking weekend. But we've just, as you say, established that they're in Kuta, Indonesia. So he's going over the mountains into China. That's a 5,000 mile trek. It involves four sea crossings and passing through Malaysia, Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam on the way. Like where they are right now is significantly closer to Australia than it is China.

Yes! And he's a genius apparently. Yeah, and of course they talk about how they're all going to get caught and they're going to go to prison one day. Then he leaves and Peter, he turns to his sidekick. I don't even remember his sidekick's name, but he turns to his sidekick and he's like it's Morgan right oh is it okay oh yeah all right awesome so he turns to Morgan he's like you gonna do a different scene now yeah let's do it let's do a different scene Morgan so then we so we

follow him back to Hong Kong this time they stay in the Peninsula Hotel right he knows the name of a fancy hotel in Hong Kong. Damn it. Does he say we always stay here when we're in Hong Kong? He does say that. Because like, again, that is not a good strategy for a drug dealer, for a genius drug smuggler to be like, yeah, no, we've got a standing reservation at some of the fancy hotels just to make it super hard to find us. Yeah. So and of course we see them at the Peninsula Hotel, or I'm sorry, standing in

front of a green screen the Peninsula Hotel, or I'm sorry, standing in front of a green screen with Peninsula Hotel on it, talking about how dangerous their drug dealing job is. And now they're certainly going to get caught one of these days. Oh, and it's great because as you say, they're in Hong Kong, which it's worth pointing out, is somewhere that is significantly closer to China than they were in Bali. Yes, right. They dropped their drug dealer off in Bali and then they flew to the border of China. What are the logistics of this drug operation?

Like cocaine makes a lot of money, I would imagine, but not like this. They're fucking this up. Well, yeah, and also, so we see a green. This is where we meet his girlfriend, his fiancee, and we get this green screenshot of them trying to hail a cab in Hong Kong. And then the very next scene, the chyron tells us that we're in Jakarta. And I'm like, well, that's an expensive cab.

That is a five hour flight. So back to where they just were. The little title card might as well say like, nope, just kidding. We're in Jakarta. Stupid. Yeah, but also this is where they point, he says like, well, you know, we never heard from Lou again. Sure hope he made it there with all that cocaine.

And there's also quite like the sound mixing was so bad in the film as well that while he's explaining lots of this in voiceover, it's so quite in voiceover that it sort of sounds like a rap, like a spoken word thing under the music, like a faithless B-side. I was starting to get into it. So okay, and then we get this amazing scene where Peter and Morgan are at a mall in Jakarta and somebody comes up to try to Jesus them. Right. And they try to do the Ray Comfort's are you a good person thing. But Peter's just like, No, I'm bad. Fuck off. And I'm like, that is such a good answer, man. Yeah. But he had no time. He tells us in the voiceover,

he had no time for Christians. He thought they were a bunch of losers. So okay, so the next day they're in a private jet. They're waiting to take off. I guess they're going to do one last job, one big job, because they're still obviously talking about how they're going to get caught constantly. Yeah. Because Morgan was just saying like, oh, I think this one's going to go bad. I think he says something like we're flying too much. And you know what? He's completely right. They definitely are flying too much. They're not thinking of the carbon footprint. Yes.

I hope they don't get taken down by like the international drug police. I hope they're getting taken down by like a climate change Twitter account that tracks their private jet's movement. I hope that's what brings them down. Greta Thunberg catches them with a pizza box. Yeah. So, but yeah, so they're sitting on their private jet again, waiting to take off, having this incredibly penile conversation. Apparently, he also directs commercials. That's the other job this guy does when he's not running drugs.

Oh, that's the cover story, I think, for why they're flying around so much. Yeah. Well, yeah, right, right. He does do that, I guess, but yeah. But then the jet gets raided and they're under arrest for being drug dealers. Raided by what looks like the US Army, I think. Yes. Because they're all wearing military fatigues.

Those are camouflage fatigues. They're on a private jet. They're on an airport. They're not very well... That's not useful camouflage in that place. That's not what they'd be wearing to do that. I don't know what you see and think. These people got their costumes from like, Stolen Valor Emporium and they own them for real.

Oh, that's why I saw a few of them match. And like, occasionally there's just a complete ringer wearing something crazy. Completely unrelated. Some crazy outfits. Yeah, so, but the VO, at this point, they're going to do, they do like a perp walk through the airport with them.

But they're on a private jet. So they were flying their private jet from gate B2 of the commercial airport. But also because of different signages around that gate, it was also gate C35 and just gate two. They were like, ah, we have to take the air tram to get to our gate to our private jet. There's other people waiting at that gate to board their private jet. The fast lane is really slow right now. Yeah, the private jet that comes after them

pulls up to the end gate, you see. So yeah, but- We're in group five on the private jet. We're the only people on it. Hope there's enough overhead bin space. So yeah, so then we get their interrogation and at first they're interrogating both him and Morgan, but then we forget about Morgan at a certain point. It's just Peter.

But the guy, the Indonesian cop who is the head of the Drug Enforcement Agency and also the warden of the prison and also the chief executioner, and I think the president of the country has an oddly Nebraska accent. He does. He does. He looks like a fake Taika Waititi. Yes.

I had him as a lookalike a Waititi. He is. He's the captain. He does the drug thing. He's the warden of the prison. I thought I had a lot of jobs. This guy had me beat. No.

I bet he has a lot of problems with switching Google accounts. When he goes into the mail, it opens up the wrong Google account every time. Tell me about it. It's weird that he gives them his full resume upon meeting the prisoners in the interrogation. He's like, yeah, and I'm also, I'm allergic to red peppers. In my spare time, I attend salsa classes. I bartend on Saturday nights. I'm drug czar during the week of this country. Saturdays, we have a really good happy hour menu on Saturdays. If you do get out.

Top us beef and cheese. Yeah, but Peter's like, we're innocent. So he smacks them. And he says, I direct commercials for a living. So he smacks them again. Yeah. He says, these drugs have been planted on us. It's like, what drugs?

We saw you give your drugs to that extreme hiker earlier. You didn't have any drugs. I wanted Drugs R to be like, oh yeah, we didn't find any drugs, just money. But thanks for that. We're going to go find those drugs that you have. Yeah. And he explains to him that they're both going to get the death penalty, hence the name of the movie.

And that he's the executioner apparently. He said, I'm going to kill you myself. Could somebody else in Indonesia get a job? Could you stop holding all the jobs? death penalty, hence the name of the movie. And that he's the executioner apparently. He said, I'm going to kill you myself. It's like, could somebody else in Indonesia get a job? Could you stop holding all the jobs? But then he goes to interrogate the Russian wife or the fiance. And she's like, I didn't know he was a drug dealer. I want to leave him.

And he's like, that's because you're a gold digger. Man, that was unnecessary. She's just there. That feels like a line that because you're a gold digger. I mean, that was unnecessary. She's just, she's just there. That feels like a line that executive producer Kevin Sawbo put in, you know, when the going gets tough, the gold diggers always leave. Oh yeah. Kevin Sawbo put that in after the divorce. That's when that line went in.

Fucking cocaine girlfriends. Am I right? Everybody gets it. Right guys? She says, I didn't know. And he's like, oh, okay. Yeah, you're free to go. So that was, that was as easy as that.

He just had to, she asked him to deny that he knows that she even knows him and she's totally free to go. No problems at all. Amazing legal system. Well, I think honestly, at this point he was like, Oh, you're free to go. We have clearly reached your acting limit. We don't want you in the movie anymore. So okay.

So then the movie fast forwards through the trial. Yes. I mean, this is over and over again. The movie does this like, oh, wow, here's a great potential moment for suspense in the moot. Oh, we're done. We passed that. That happened off screen, huh? Okay. I feel like that happened because they tried to shoot it and all they had was the tiniest little room for the courtroom and people hurt themselves.

So they were like, we're just going to use the, we're going to do one tiny little thing. This is too small. It's a walk in closet. It is the size of the room I'm recording in right now. It's so tiny. It's hilarious because, okay, so they're awaiting their verdict, right? The trial's already over because we didn't have time for that shit.

And they have this like Eric Roberts is going to be in the movie here. He's the US Consul and he's going to speak on their behalf. And they have this scene where they want Eric Roberts to walk in like to enter through the back and walk through the courtroom. But it's this tiny ass little fucking walk in closet and they've seated 304 people in it. Yes. Why would there be a gallery?

And most of those people aren't Indonesian. They're very clearly like Westerners. So like every American tourist in Indonesia, like, so we'll go and have a look. Actually, we've never seen anybody sentenced to death before. And I also, I love Eric Roberts trying to squeeze past people with craffie to us. It's great. Oh, it's the best. He supposed to burst in and be like my clients are in it. Sorry. I just go scooch Why you all here did you fly here this way are you tourists you know him so but then but Eric Robert Look, so the prosecutor's like your honor. He was caught with seven kilos. He's guilty and I'm like, yeah That's how court works and Eric Robert says your laws are stupid and we hate you and you people suck.

That doesn't change his mind at all. What he should have said was objection. No, he wasn't caught with seven kilos of cocaine. We saw him give that away. He did not have the cocaine. You objectively have no drugs on him. Lou had the cocaine. This is a mistrial.

Objection. None of you seem to know how any of this works. Is that helpful? Yeah. But Eric Roberts is also doing a dance here. When he finally like scooches his way to the defense table or whatever and starts talking to the judge for just a second, he's just dancing back and forth the whole time. He's wrecked the human being, Eric Roberts.

Yes, he is. Yeah. It's like the judge was a bee, right? And he's just in case you also have this little dance language that I do. And so the judge is like, the judge is like, so, A, would you like to, would you guys, Peter and Morgan, would you like to say some of your bullshit? And they're like, yes, we would. And they start talking and the judge is like, shut up.

I've heard enough death sentence for both of you. It's the best. It's so fast. And shoots a lot of you. And he says that so much that we cut to Eric Roberts, and he reacts like he misunderstood and thinks he's also getting shot in real life. That is the expression on Eric Roberts' face.

Yeah. This judge is like, okay, this guy's dancing. Any arguments from the defendants? Because your lawyer's fucking wasted. And seems to think he's like foghorn, leghorn. I don't know what happened with his voice there. And they're like, we didn't do it. He's like, yes, you did.

Uh, gavel. We're going to execute you. Also, I'm sorry, but were these like, were the shackles toys? Were those plastic? They are absolutely from a pop-up Halloween store. Like, it's like handcuff chains from a pop-up Halloween store. Like, handcuffed chains from a medieval cartoon for like, like, rhinos that are in the cartoon in jail. They have to take them off a decorative plastic skeleton

that was like chained up on the wall. Yeah. So, okay, so they get him to the prison, the VO comes over and goes, I was on death row in a third world country. I'm like, oh, I don't think that's the terminology. And this is another world times where they tell us exactly, exactly where it is. It's the Indonesia, Karabokan prison. And if you look that up, it is not the prison they're in.

If you look it up, it's a genuinely hellish prison. Like this story, like the people involved in this story went through a lot of torture and stuff and there was all sorts of really horrible stuff goes down. What we see is like a holiday camp with like beautiful stretches of medals and one chain link fence and that is the prison. Exactly. And the voiceover goes, oh, they took everything from me. My cars, my houses, my cash, my fiancee. And I'm like, well, that didn't take that last one. She just, just fucked off Okay My favorite part about that vo is the actor playing Peter

Seems to know that he's also doing the vo during this point But all we're watching is him walking in shackles into the jail and he's acting as if There's a vo of him in his own flashback And he's like nodding to the voice of himself, looking up at his voice. It's pretty good. There's a lovely line. There's a lovely line in the voice of what it says. It was a strange international prison camp.

The guards were these mercenaries from other countries. And I wanted to add. So when you think about it, it makes sense that they weren't doing the accent. It makes total sense. And then everyone's a different race. Yeah. But they put Morgan in a different prison, right? Cause he can go fuck himself. He's got no friends there. And then, but I guess that means that Captain Tano was lying when he told them I'll be the warden for you guys. Or maybe he's the warden at multiple prisons.

He does a fourth job. He's the warden at two separate prisons. Moonlighting at a different prison. He has to a fourth job. He's a war of the two separate prisons. He's moonlighting in a different prison. He has to do double shifts. Yeah, but then he gives his new prisoner monologue about how they can all suck balls and everybody hates them. He says, and in this prison we have Americans,

we have Australians, Asians, Nigerians. Does this movie think Asians is a nationality? I think it does. Where does it think Indonesia is? Why is he saying that when he's in Asia? It's like, you guys, we've got some ussers here. And then this whole... I like that he starts them getting to the prison with like,

the warm-up comedian thing, where he's like, who's flying in from out of town? We got Australia. Right? That's pretty far. Also, he says, you know, one guy puts his hand up and says, sir, and try to speak. Yes. Could I be made an example of please? Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's it. You've spoken without being spoken to three days, no food, in solitary confinement. And then he says, that's the same punishment for trying to escape.

That seems like there's a scaling issue there. Putting your hand up and saying, sir, should not be as bad as attempted escape. Sir, shouldn't we make that more granular? You get three days to. God damn it. So, okay. So they show Peter to his cell and they're like, if you try to escape, we'll shoot you dead.

And I'm like, you were going to do that anyway, man. That's the whole name of the movie is the firing squad. And then Peter goes like, this was like your worst nightmare. I'm like, no, it's like your worst night. I have way worse nightmares than you clearly do. Then this quite plush, this quite relaxing prison, which the warden's use is as a welcome to Hotel Hanoi. Hanoi's in Vietnam.

Could one of you just buy a map? Buy an Atlas? Buy a globe? I don't care. Come on. So yeah, we get this great moment where Peter, like, you know, he's like losing it and he's like slapping the walls in anger because like, clearly he should be punching the walls, but they're just walls, right? So he can't, so he doesn't want to hurt himself.

He definitely hurt himself the first few takes and then he was just like, I'm going to do slappy thing now. Why? Why? Yeah, he's shouting why? And it's like, the answer is the drug smuggling, man. You've been talking about all the drugs smuggling. That's all you guys ever talked about.

And he had to downgrade from like actual, you know, panic from being in jail into like kind of just a snit. Because he hurt himself. And then we get a shot of him just sad, kind of weeping on the floor. And I was like, oh, that's an actual shot of the actor. That's what he actually punched it. For sure. Because remember, as the warden says, your first three nights here are terrifying, which is actually quite nice of the warden to set that expectation.

You know, that is the first three of the worst. And it'll get better. Like, why is he telling him that? And also get great example again of this movie fast forwarding to a suspense. He's like the first three nights are the worst. You're going to go through so much hell. And then the movie immediately goes, 31 days later. Which is also insane because earlier we were told that you're going to be executed in 30 days time. Like we're going to send you to prison and you'll be executed in 30 days.

We haven't been told you're putting an appeal in. So all we knew is you're going to be dead in 30 days. And then we cut to day 31.. I wanted it to be him like a rotting corpse. It's bloating now. Yeah. So yeah, but this is where we learned that Lou, the guy that's tried to steal the stack of cash before, he's in this prison too. Right? So the two of them are doing some work together and Peter gets angry and he starts like talking shit to the warden. Yeah. He says to the warden, I've achieved more than you ever will. Which no you haven't.

You're a drug dealer. The warden has at least three jobs. Yeah right. The only thing holding the Indonesian military leave of business systems together. And the karaoke scene of that city on Tuesdays and Fridays. But yeah, so he's like, you get three extra hours of labor. And so does Lou, the guy that like is the reason you got caught and imprisoned. I'm like, that's even money.

Right. Like, I mean, like, yeah, I have to work hard, but the guy who got me caught also has to work harder. So I'm fine with that. Yeah. And by work hard, would we say work hard? Because the hard labor. Thank you, Marsh. Yeah, it's picking up a single half brick at a time, moving it four foot away, and then

putting it down in a slightly different pile of half bricks. Yeah, allegedly. We get such a fun window into these movie writers because they had to write torturous prison labor stuff. And all they came up with was like, pick up half bricks and put them in a different pile. You hear that? Later they came up with use shovel but first part only. So it's just like put shovel in ground.

Yeah, that's good enough. That's good enough. Honestly, like moving bricks and moving holes, there's like a very common prison punishment. So yeah, so I think that is probably real. But oh, the Lexissiphan kind of feel to it. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But they probably make them pick up an entire brick. Exactly. At some sort of pace. Well, that's the other thing too. Yeah. With some kind of urgency is sort of in your work're born to do, yeah. Also, I don't imagine it would be two prisoners

and 19 COs. There's always so many fucking cards. The faculty to student ratio at this prison is amazing. This is like a nice, tight liberal arts college situation going on. Well, you know why it is? Because everybody wanted to wear camouflage and have a gun, right?

Like everybody showed up in camouflage with a gun and said, I want to be a guard. Or everybody already had the camouflage. The budget couldn't spring for more than 10 orange suits. In fact, 10 of the jumpsuits are the same orange. And then there's just like some prisoners in a different color. Different colors. Yep. Some of them are just like changing oil.

Maybe the camera team couldn't see those people in the camo so they didn't know how many. Oh, right. Yeah. There you go. So then we flash back to a week before his arrest, because this movie has to have something in it. Right? This is where we get the 10 minute slow pan of the Ferrari. Yes. And his vanity plate. His number plate is runner. And he's mystified as to how he got caught as a drugs runner, driving around as a Ferrari. You don't generally want to put your

crime on your vanity plate. Generally. Okay, but it's a double bluff. That's too convenient. Of course I'm not a runner of drugs. I wouldn't put it on my license plate. So yeah, so we watch him drive his Ferrari very, very slowly and then just park in the middle of the goddamn road. Yes, he does. Yeah. Yeah, we can walk to the curb. It's fine.

Yeah, it's no, it's fine. It's fine. So this is where we get the AMX black card, too, right? Like he goes to shop at the fancy art shop and they're like, oh, well, you got the AMX black card. OK. Well, fancy art shop is a nice way of saying it. So again, window into the moviemakers. They were like, OK, what's life in the fast lane? What drug dealers really do when they have millions of dollars? They're flying all over the world,

probably by famous art at a mall, right? They're in a mall. You can see across the hallway from this art place, names of mall stores on the other side. Yeah. And then we can go get a pretzel after we get the art. Yeah. And there's an art salesman being like, welcome to the fancy art place. Here's the first art.

It's six by six. She's famous all over the world because of her colors. Famous for colors? Famous for colors, yes. I think exact words. Uses colors in the art. That's what he says. He says it's six foot by six foot and costs $15,000.

Yeah, that's how you introduce art. You're paying by the square foot. It's like wallpaper. Yeah, there's a lot of square feet of art. Let's get down to brass tacks about this Matisse. What are the dimensions and the dollars right now? How much? Yeah.

And they're like, we'll take two arts, please. Cool. Six by six, 15 grand? Well, because he shows him two of the NASA space suits that have been colored. And he says, and we'll take two of these as well. It's like, yeah, you buy them off the rack. These are art. They just throw those in.

Just toss them in. Yeah. You have a couple more in the back. Okay, great. Great. Yeah. Oh, God. And when he shows the American black card, he goes, oh, just toss them in. Yeah. You have a couple more in the back. Okay. Great. Great. Yeah. Oh my God. And when he shows the American black card, he goes, oh, American Express black card. And he says, yeah, it saves us 1%. It's like, so he's, he's profligate, but thrifty with it.

I think you missed the line there because he's like, you don't see many of these. And he says, yeah, only the 1% is what he says. Oh, I heard the cash back money award too, for sure. I wanted to be like, also it gets you into the lounge when you're on the jet. It turns out you end up in the regular gates a lot of the time. You don't realize. It's nice to be able to go to the lounge.

Then we cut to be in a new chiron that tells us it's five days before the arrest. None of these chirons matter at all. Right? No. But Peter and Morgan are standing around waiting on the drug guy talking about how they're probably gonna get caught one day and this is very fucking dangerous.

Yeah, and then that guy shows up and is like, hey guys, ready for the drug deal? Cool, just a quick thing, reminder, we all get executed for this crime we're criming right now, we get caught. I don't know why I said that but that's yeah That's the situation. Yeah, and this is this is of course Lou who they never heard from again. Remember that so this is Lou again He's getting more drugs and there's this great moment where he like checks the backpack for the drugs and then he tries to close

It again, and it won't fucking close and he tries to take six fucking times They're meant to be geniuses. We are genius drug smugglers. They just they've got a backpack with too much drugs in it. And it's like descending the backpack in like really square, obvious kind of ways. And he says, yeah, but the bags are lead lined. Dogs can't sniff it out. But are those separate points? Do they think dogs can't sniff through lead?

I like that they packed the coke in styrofoam also. So that the cocaine doesn't get bruised in transit, I guess. Well dogs can't smell through styrofoam heat. Oh yeah. Okay. And then we cut to three days before the arrest because we still needed to know that two days had passed. But two days had passed. But two days have passed.

This is a 13 hour flight they've just taken. So a decent chunk of that time has been in the air, which is insane because in a second will be two days before the arrest and we'll be back on the other side of the world. They spend all their time in flight. So okay, and that's all the flashback you get for now, damn it. Then we cut to Pastor Kevin Sorbo introducing himself to Peter during yard time. Yeah. He says, hi, I'm Pastor John Lenbrook. And I was like, no, you're not. You're what's left of Kevin Sorbo.

He is looking rougher and rougher. He looks like, you know those toys old timey people would make out of like scraps or, he looks like a scrap leather toy of a horse. Thank you in being. What it is is Kevin Sorbo ages four years every time he's on GAM, right? Like every single time. So he's like 116 now.

But he's like, hey Peter, do you want to learn to love Jesus quick before they kill you? And he's like, no, because my brother died of cancer. So I'm an atheist. And he's like, oh, Peter, do you want to learn to love Jesus quick before they kill you? And he's like, No, because my brother died of cancer. So I'm an atheist. And he's like, Oh, is that how it works? He's like, Yes, everyone who's an atheist had a loved one die of cancer. And he's like, Is that all he's like, No, my dad also died too.

So I'm a double. But the VO comes in and says, I was not ready to hear about Jesus yet. It was still act one. And then fucking Oscar winning actor, Cuba Gooding Jr. shows up. So weird. Oh, it's so strange to see him. Only people who would be more incongruous to show up in this movie, which is almost entirely green screens to this point, are dead.

Right? Like every other actor that I would have been more surprised to see is a dead person who's been dead for a long time. I think the only people more incongruous to turn up in this film would be us. Like if we were watching it and we turned up, that's the only thing that would surprise me more. Eli just walks into the frame. Enjoying the movie while I'm off? Fuck you.

How about that Bitcoin, eh boys? That's what he likes in the background. So yeah, but Kubo Gunning Jr. comes up to him and says, hey, I hear you're the main character. He says, yeah, he goes, do you want to escape? And he goes like, fuck, fuck, yeah, man, because we're going to get killed. Have you thought about escaping? I imagine that's all he's thought about.

Yes! They're going to kill him here. So he's like, don't worry, I could go to the judges like, don't worry, I have a plan. We can escape by pretending to be the media. And we all wrote in our notes, well, certainly there's more to the plan than that. They're just teasing us at this point with just that one little scrap of the, that's the whole fucking plan. It's the best.

Later in the movie, they will come back to this and be like, okay, let's restate the whole plan. Yep. We pose as the media. Yep. The entire fucking plan. That entire... That's it.

Yep. That's the plan. There's a great bit as well. He says about this plan, he said it was a one in a million chance. Plus he agreed to help my friend via the same method. Yes! But if he's doing a one in a million chance as well, the odds are now like one in a trillion on the way for them to both come off.

And they do. They do. So they agree to help each other escape. And then he just goes to talk shit to Captain Tanoot. Peter does. He just goes and he's like, hey, I should get a phone call. And Captain Tano is like, no, you shouldn't, man. No, you're in like a hell prison in Indonesia.

You look, you get to be outside. You look, you're wearing clothes. Yes. But it's such a luxurious prison. There's so much time and space. In every shot, when there's any other prisoners, they're just like meandering happily around the medals. Like they're gambling little lambs or something.

Captain Tano, I've noticed we only have still water available. Is there anything we can do about that? All right. Well, well damn it if I haven't engineered it so that two interstitial breaks would be cued by me being depressed about Koopa Cunning Jr. being in this movie. So now I guess I'm going to go burn my copy of As Good As It Gets, but we'll be back in a minute with even more of The Firing Squad. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

So as you can see from my data set, you're guilty of fraud. Hey Heath, what you doing? Oh, hey, yeah, I'm drafting a strongly worded letter for the lawsuit that I'm going to file because I found that the Wheel of Fortune card in Bellagra doesn't actually pay off one in four times like it claims. One in four times like claims. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, they're not lying. And I don't I don't think a lawsuit is a healthy way to deal with it either way. Have you considered therapy? either way. Have you considered therapy? Therapy? You're telling me therapy can help with maniacal anger that leads to suing a video game?

Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. And therapy should be a self-care non-negotiable. When your schedule gets full, it's easy to let your priorities slip and you forget to make time for the important things, especially when you're angrily compiling a data set of video game probability events for hours at a time. That's a lot. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever. It can help you learn positive coping skills like not suing a video game. Have you considered BetterHelp? Oh, what's BetterHelp?

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Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot com slash awful. All right, thanks Noah. No problem. So you know there's a joker that doubles the probability of everything with listed odds, including the Wheel of Fortune, right? Okay, but then my glass card breaks every time and I always lose them. Yeah, yeah, they break half the time.

Every single time they break, Noah. Okay. And why is that card called Oops All Sixes? It has a picture of a die that has a six on every one of its six faces. That doesn't mean double the odds on a die. Yeah, no, that actually is fraud. Let's, I'm back on board with the lawsuit. Let's make that happen. Thank you. Liars. Welcome to the carabocan prison or as I like to say, welcome to hell. I'm Captain Tanu and as you'll soon learn, I'm a godless heathen that lives to torture

the scum under his charge. You'll be miserable, you'll be in anguish and then you'll die. Any questions? Um, yeah, when do we eat? Oh, you think you're funny, huh? Well, let's see how funny you think it is. When you wake up tomorrow morning and there's a little hair on your tongue and you try to pull it off but you keep missing it and you'll be going, how the fuck do I keep missing?

I can feel it right there! Umm, I'm sorry, is that something you're threatening to do to me? It's not a threat, it's a promise, maggot! Sure, you'll get it off eventually, but by then you'll be really frustrated and your tongue will be uncomfortably dry. Is that what you want? Uh, no. No, I guess not. Damn right you guess not! And if I hear any lip from the rest of you, I'll see to it that you don't realize you're out of milk until you've already poured the cereal. Um, Captain Tanu? That's wordin' Tanu to you, and if you don't want

to spend all afternoon in damp socks, this better be good. Well, sir, it's just that, yeah, a lot of these punishments, they're uh, they're definitely unpleasant, but they're not like Indonesian death camp levels of bad. Oh no? You sound like you're some kind of guy who wants a pair of wired headphones that are always nodded up somehow and while you're on nodding them you just think how the hell would this happen unless I climbed through a headphone loop while I was listening to them which I didn't.

Right, right. See like that right there. That's annoying with the headphones, sure, but like, I feel like this is more of a rip off your fingernails with pliers kind of situation. Right? I mean, I feel like your heart's in the right place, but I don't know if this is really your calling

to do the threats. Well, you know, I do about one out of every five jobs in Indonesia, so you know, I can't spend all day coming up with new tortures. Sure. Sure. I get it. I get it. Just thought I'd point it out. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, no, I like I. All right. Oh, hey, what if I made you spend all day putting in long passwords on your TV with a video game control?

OK, that's torture. Yes. Well done. Thank you. Ridiculous. Thank you. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Peter trying to make nice with Lou. I guess now that he has the escape plan, he needs all the help he can get. So is that what that was? I couldn't tell or whether he... I assumed he was trying to set Lou up for something, but no, he's just, he's fine now.

Between the scenes that we just saw, he's suddenly fine again. Hey Lou, I need you to help be the media with me. Yeah. That's apparently the plan. Well, it's also like they actually don't need his help for anything either. If this movie was remotely well written, they'd be like, oh, he's the only one who has access to the whatever. But no, it's like you're the other named character, Lou.

So I want you to be my friend now. Yeah. You're a Christian, right? Cool. You're in the plot with us. Great. He's not though. He's not.

He's an atheist. Very, very important. Everybody's an atheist at this point. Everybody's a Christian eventually. Right. Not Lou! No, Lou dies a cowardly fucking atheist. He really does.

Yeah. So, but then Peter goes to talk more shit to Tano. So, there's this, like, they clearly want to establish Captain Tano as this very scary, evil character, but they never do. Right? They just always sort of just act like they've already done that. And Peter is constantly talking shit to him. And the movie seems to think that this is like, oh, he's had enough and he's finally, you know, going to go up against this very intimidating character. But because they never bothered to make the character intimidating, it just looks like Captain Town is a real pushover that Peter can talk shit

to whenever he wants to. Yeah, absolutely. And they also like they try to make out. We're supposed to think that the prison is this like horrible hellhole that he's barely surviving in. But they don't establish that either. And like the door to his cell is always open. He can just come and go as he pleases. There's lots of outside time. He's got bunks in the cell. He's got bunk beds in the cell, but he didn't have a cellmate.

So he's got a private cell in quite a reasonable open prison, basically. Yeah. And every single scene with him or any other prisoner is shot outdoors. So, yeah, because they didn't have the lighting, obviously. But it just seems like they get to spend about 14 hours a day wandering around the quad. Lou even has an en-suite bathroom in his life itself. He does, yes. It was actually, that led to a funny moment

because the actor playing, well, everybody, terrible actors, the one playing Lou, his bad acting manifested in the form of, it seemed like he had to take a shit, like he was just about to take a shit that whole time that Peter was talking to him and he doesn't want to talk. He just wants to get it over with. I don't know. Sure. Well, I'm going to, they only give me one jumpsuit and I don't want to shit in it, man. What? Say it again. Okay, I forgive you. So yeah, but then they look so he dares Tano to shoot him He's like time is like I could shoot you right now. He's like this is you're gonna shoot me

This the whole the name of the movie is the firing squad man. I'm not worried about that Oh, and then there's a voiceover and I love the voiceover because he says, how I survived those first few months is beyond me. So yeah, it's beyond me too. You were sentenced to death in 30 days. How you survived any month is beyond me. Right. I survived based on title cards that didn't really make sense. Yeah.

Yeah. But instead of the voiceover is like, yeah, nothing could save me now except perhaps a savior. And then we get this ridiculous fucking scene. So him and Lou and the other prisoners are being led along in a line by the guards. And of course, there's always 16 guards per prisoner. So there's a guard right next to him and he's going like, Hey Lou, do you want to try to escape with me and Cooper Gooding Jr. Do you know what whispering is? We're two feet away from the guard. They're looking at us.

It's the guard saying that to him. Hey guys, you know what whispering is? Yeah. But the guards hear the dumb plan and they're like, yeah, whatever. We're just going to ignore it. It's just, yeah, the plan is be the media. Yeah. So then, so we get to see where ignore it. It's just, yeah, the plan is be the media. Yeah.

So then, so we get to see where Peter and Lou meet with Kubo and he explains the plan. Right? So I'm sorry, first Lou goes to shake his hand. He's like, don't shake my hand. They'll think we're planning something. I'm like, I guarantee you they wrote that line after Kubo is like, nobody gets to touch me in this movie. But the next one after that, he says very,. What's the plan like top of his voice?

So now they're gonna think you're planning something So, yeah, he's like we'll just walk right out of there and pretend we're the media and he's like clear There has to be more to the plan. He's like there is not more to the plan So he's like he's like but they know us they know who we are He's like no, they've got a new guy working gate duty and he's like, but they know us, they know who we are. He's like, no, they've got a new guy working gate duty. And he's like, I don't think they would let the new guy on letting people out duty, right? Especially not by himself, which we'll find out he isn't by himself. There's like eight guards.

So they'd bring in an entire eight guard new squadron into that 12 guard system. And then put all eight of them, all eight of the new guys on the letting people out duty. It's so fucking weird. Cooper's like, don't worry, they're gonna think they flew in a helicopter with me that almost crashed and they're gonna think I'm not that prisoner. It'll be fine. So and then, but then of course the movie has to address like, hey why would you help us in this way? It's like I want a million dollars and I know that Peter has it. And he goes, oh, sure. Before we get the million dollars, when he says to Kubricka junior, well, what are you

getting out of helping us? It's like, he's getting out of prison. That's what he's getting. Right. So now we get them sneaking out of prison. Like the first time I ever cut class they might as well be doing dive rolls. They have a giant duffel bag and they're just serpentine running through this. And the duffel bag is pink and yeah it's the middle of the goddamn fucking day. It's a flashy video game item.

It's so silly. Yeah. They open it. There's like several full three piece suits in there in TIEs. They start getting changed in the middle of the yard, right out in the open basically. Anybody could be watching them as they just undress in the middle of the yard. Yes, exactly. That's the plan.

So, Malkuba Gooding Jr. has gotten three suits the right sizes. Almost the right sizes. Not quite the right sizes. No, quite wrinkly as well. So, they go to walk out and the guards are like, you should have press badges if you're press. And they're like, oh, we forgot our press badges. And the guards are like, well, if you forgot your press badges. Yes, that's totally enough. They're having like a media conversation as well in Cuba Gooding Jr's version of media conversation is. So we're interviewing the president next

and then we'll probably talk to the first lady. So yeah, well she's probably gonna be there. So we might as well say hi. Get the two for while you're there. We're thinking of doing Rogan after that. I don't know, we're media. And these prison guards are all not recognizing any of these people as prisoners who have been there for a while now. And they're just

like, yeah, you're not you're all wearing any suit with sneakers and no shoelaces, you know, like the media. Okay. And they just walk out. Well, and he said, yeah, right. So and he's like, well, you're not on the list. And I'm like, yeah, because you probably would have noticed those three men walking in too, right? And he goes, you're not on the list. And he goes, well, we all have names. He goes, I don't know about that. And he says three names.

He goes, well, if you said three names, you're probably good to go. And then they walked by 37 people. And one of them, one of the guards in the background, it's a really small moment, they're all dressed in combat fatigues apart from one guy who's dressed in like a burgundy outfit, like he's a sci-fi sea captain, like he's dressed as M. Bison and he's dressed in the background for some reason. So they get out of the prison and one of them might as well just yell, cheese it. Right?

It's the fuck. I laughed so goddamn hard and long at this moment because they all walk out of the gate and all of them just mumbling to each other, like don't start running. Lou, Lou, Lou. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And they run away.

And then they all just break into a fucking sprint eight feet out Just dive into bushes there for no reason and then get back out of them and keep running But that thing it there aren't any bushes. There's barely a gate. It's a chain link fence. It's completely transparent All these gods are just watching them. Yes. We're gonna watch them run those media guys really want to get to Rogan. I guess Just watch them run. Those media guys really want to get to Rogan, I guess. That's cool. So, and now luckily there is a truck right there with the keys in it. So they just jump in that and then they drive away.

And then so they leave. And then we get the scene where like Tano is yelling at the guards that let him go and he does some kind of violence to them off camera. He does. He starts berating them, but before he berated them, he's just given that one guard the silent treatment. Like the silent treatment because you let my prisoners go. I feel like he did a purple nurple or something and then even this movie was like, alright, that was too silly. Yeah, right, right. Just cut. Yeah.

So, but then we cut to the three escapees. They're in Jakarta together. Yeah. They're at the Seti Uber station, the subway station. We know that because the Chiron comes up and tell us. The Chiron does spell the name of the station wrong, which isn't a great start. The picture in the background is also not the station, which is an even worse start. Rough. But yeah, so they get into the subway and they're like, hey, we made it.

We're successful. We have escaped from prison. Hooray. And then the next stop, the cops get on and arrest them. And Morgan's with them as well. So like, because he played the same escape pretending to be the media. So like someone in the system is like, wow, our prison system really is the focus of a lot of media retention this week. Yeah.

They're really interested in us. So, but yeah, but everybody gets caught and sent back to prison. I mean, you know, you can't give them more death penalties. So fine, I guess, right? But they take them back to prison and Tano's going to break Peter this time, damn it. It's time for four days in solitary confinement. Which I'm sure is very unpleasant, right? But it doesn't have that- Oh, it would be.

Yeah. Oh, sure. Well, except that they take him to solitary confinement and there's other guys there. Yeah. It's just a chain link fence out in the middle of the lovely meadow where he can speak to all the other guys who are also in solitary confinement. Yeah. Right.

They're all just separated by chain link fences. There's no, yeah. There are social solitary confinement cells are genuinely larger than New York City apartments I've had. Yep. Really nice. Yeah. And then the captain can't stop walking back and forth talking to them as well, which again

undermines the solitary nature. Yeah. No, it's not solitary. It's not confinement. And honestly, it seems a little better than the cell he was in. He doesn't have a mattress. He's got to sleep on the concrete, which kind of sucks. But other than that, it seems pretty nice.

I guess you could lean against that chain link. That probably, it's got some give to it. Anyway, yeah, I guess he's got a shit in the corner though. There's no bathroom. That's gonna suck. So, but then we cut to like two days before the arrest, because this movie has to have something happening in it again, right?

So this time we're in Singapore. Yeah. So like three days before the arrest, they were in LA. Yes. Five days they were in Indonesia. Now they're in Singapore two days. How were they just not jet lagged? While they're in prison, there's still going to be jet lags from this. It's going to take a while for that jet lag to fade.

They were using up those miles on the Amex. They were going to expire. Right. Well, yeah. Right. So, but yeah, so the two of them are talking about getting buddy houses or whatever. And Morgan is like, hey, man, I'd like to have a conversation about how dangerous our profession is and how we're almost certainly going to get caught at some point.

Yeah. Because he's like, this is my last one. It's, oh, he was one drug run away from retirement. Yes. That's the worst. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Morgan's talking about how he's having second thoughts because he was raised Christian.

But Peter's like, God doesn't exist, idiot. What are you talking about? He says, in fact, quote, God's an urban legend, a myth. An urban legend? So, yeah, but he doesn't believe in God damn it. And then we get another chiron that says, solitary confinement, day three. And this is where Tadu walks up and he's like, food. And then Peter's like, oh, good food.

And he's like, psych, no, no food for you. We like to have fun around here. You know, we run a fun chip. Tight chip. He thinks that the food fixes his hair, but now he spills the slop on his head. Arrgh! Should have done it on the other hand. Yeah.

So, but then somebody comes through and gives him a Bible. Now, I believe this is supposed to be Kevin Sorbo's character, but they only had four scenes with Kevin Sorbo and one of them wasn't handing him a Bible through this gate. Right? So we just see a hand hand him a Bible. And this is a big relief to him because he was just saying, I felt like crying and screaming, but nobody could hear me. It's like you're in a chaining cell with people wandering by.

There's someone stood right next to you right now. They can all hear you. There's nothing to stop the sound getting out. Right, right. But this is where he finds God. And I love this so much because they've just spent all this time talking about four days in solitary confinement with no food and no water. That would break anyone. Your mind will be broken by this. It would be impossible

for your mind not to be broken. And so he finds Jesus. Christianity totally makes sense if your mind is being broken in sheltered confinement and being starved. That is the point we just made in our Christian movie. Yeah, but he's like, I loved the Bible. I read John 3.16. Man, what a Bible. Yeah, all the hits.

Went through all the hits. He reading montage so quickly that the shadows on the trees in the background don't even move. So like, through this whole montage, he's been reading that book for maybe four minutes tops. Something like that. Well, he was just flipping straight to John 3.16 because that's an exciting famous one. The good stuff is. Yeah.

So yeah, but so he gets out of solitary confinement and he goes straight to the chapel to listen to Pastor Kevin Sorbo tell him about Jesus. This prison chapel looks like the chapel from every Christian movie that you've ever made me watch, which to be fair tracks that completely. Yeah, right. Right. But I guess Kevin Sorbo is going to be executed next month, but he's cool with that because of Jesus.

Right. And he explains that in his sermon. And then he's like, hey, anybody want to become Christian? And Peter's like, yeah, no, we're in act two now, so I can do that. Yeah, and to be fair, I assume from looking at Kevin Sauble's faith that he'd already gotten

the electric chair, but it just hadn't taken. I assume it wasn't. I say we're going to have to try a firing squad this time. Yeah, Peter slowly walks up for the altar call and it's supposed to be this big deal. But I really wanted him to be like, no, of course I was just f***ing with you. Just messing with Kevin Sorbo. You look like leather.

But yeah, he cries his way into Jesus. But now when he walks outside, he sees clouds or something. So he knows it's all going to be all right, I guess. So okay. So now he's being marched along and he's like deep in its abiding piece of salvation or whatever. When Lou says, Hey man, how was solitary? He's like, yeah, it wasn't great, but it's okay because I became, or sorry, no, let me

give you the exact fucking quote here. Quote, I'm not going to lie to you, Lou, it was real bad. But at the same time, enlightening. Also, it wasn't real bad. It was relatively fine. You were in a lovely little meadow. You had a lovely breeze going on. You had people to chat to. It was fine.

Captain Tano spilled slop on his head by accident. That was fun. I don't know. So, okay. Then we fast forward to two months later. Remember how Pastor Sorbo was going to get killed in a month? Don't worry about that. So it's two months later, the Chiron's never know what's going on, but he's all the way

Jesus now. And this is where Kubo Gooding Jujyo shows back up to tell us that he is also all Jesus stuff. That happened off camera somewhere. Yeah. That happened off camera somewhere. So this is the moment of him being like, so yeah, congrats on Christ, Peter. Same for me, by the way. Are we Christ buddies right now? I think we're Christ buddies.

Yeah. And Cuba Gooding Jr. says, the Bible, it's like, mind blown. That was the line they gave this Oscar winning actor to deliver. The Bible is like, boom. Oh, so fucking sad. But yeah, but he's super happy that he found Jesus now and he explains that he found Jesus the same day that his dad died of a heart attack and his dad was a pastor. Right? So it's kind of ironic or something if you think about it.

How did he find that out? But how do you do with his regular phone call home from Indonesia, from the hell prison? Like there's no way that he would have found that out. We've established that they don't get any communication with the outside several fucking times. Yeah. They set up a business center and you could Skype if you want, I think is what happened. So we found out. So then the love interest comes marching into the movie. Into the prison, no less.

Yes. Right. Right. So this is Miriam. She's just allowed to hang out in the prison as she sees fit from now on in the movie. We're going to find out later that she brings in a wardrobe of clothes to have, you know, for changes, that kind of thing.

Sometimes you get sweaty during the first part of your day at the prison. Yes, yeah. Certainly the color of her clothes change. It's the same dress, but in like five different colors. It's so fucking weird. It's the exact same goddamn dress in five different colors. Thank you, Merce. That weirded me out so goddamn much.

She's bought a job lot at Matalan. Yeah. They come in a five pack. And of course, in the writing that we've come to expect from this movie, when Peter first meets her, he says, the voiceover says, she was so beautiful and angelic. So, yeah. And then, and then he walks up to her. So he's like, yeah, I saw her and she walks past. And then he like runs to catch up with her and he's like, Hey, did you come here often? I would like to flirt with you now. Well, and she goes, you're the American, right? Now we haven't mentioned this to this point, but no, he's not.

No, but she is. Yes. Yes. She's American. She's listening to his British accent. She goes like, so are you, are you American or what? What? Also the American.

We know Cooper Gooding Jr. is also in the prison. So, he's the American, if anyone. Are you the white American? Well, and based on accent, so is Lou. Yeah if anyone. Are you the white American? Well, I'm based on accents. So is Lou. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the captain.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Captain Don. So he goes, so, so, hey, you're, you're a woman and not a prisoner. What are you doing here? She goes like, Oh, I come into pray over all the prisoners. And he's like, Oh, why they just let you do that.

And she goes, apparently they let me do that. Now, and I guarantee, and he's like, and this is what I fell in love with her. And I guarantee you what really happened in real life. Of course, of course, this is based on a true story is that he met this girl and then became a Christian, right? Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. That's the direction of trouble. Yeah. Yeah. He says, so I sure am a big fan of your, your savior. And she goes, yeah, wow. So you're on death row, huh? And I'm like, why would you bring that up right now? Lady, any other subject, any other fucking subject. Have you heard about John three 16? It's pretty cool.

Have you been to a sporting event since 1968? It's like, And then he asks her out on a date and she goes like, I'm not allowed to date prisoners. That was the best. But he asked her, like would you care to get lunch with me sometimes that way? Like in the prison cafeteria in the Indonesia prison hole, you're going to join us share a player to slop with me.

So there's hardly any bugs in it. Yeah. Like genuinely as a joke while they're talking here, I was like, OK, so you want to get out of here? And then the next time he says, so do you want to get some lunch sometime? I was like, wow. All right. Wonder what that meant in real life.

I guess they had lunch together in the prison. They didn't, though. She said no. She turned him down. So then the fucking chyrons again, we jumped three months hence. It's now been six months since we learned that Kevin Sorbo was going to die in a month and he's still not dead. It's now been like a year and a half since we learned that our main character Peter was going to die in a month and he's still alive. Yeah. We knew that Lou had like two months left.

I had a month left, basically from the last time. So presumably Lou's now been dead for two months and I hope that comes up. You'd hope that someone's like, oh, I remember that time they executed Lou. They haven't yet. They haven't yet got around to it. He's still alive. Yeah. So, but now three months later, Peter is so Christian that he's leading the chapel services.

Right? He's giving the I'm okay with dying speech. And I'm like, what? Weird that you're appealing your sentence still, huh? I guess you're going to be super bummed if you get pardoned now. But now, but he's so good at this. A bunch of people, by which I mean two, are coming up to the altar. We're playing the coming to the altar song again. Jason Vale Yeah. Also, he gets a big round of applause. There are like maybe 12 people in this room. The audio of the applause is 50 times the size of the crowd.

It's Carnegie Hall. Yeah. And it continues after everybody stopped clapping as well. Everyone's hands are still, the applause is still going on. And then we get this scene with Tanu and Miriam, the love interest, where Tanu's like, what is this Christian bullshit y'all are doing anyway? Right? Where she tries to explain how Christianity is great and he explains that religion is awful and he hates it and it's stupid. You know? And like, to his credit, Tanu makes a great point. He's like, hey, you know, your God lets me kill a lot of his people for a victimless crime. And she's like, yeah, well, you know,

God is love. And he's like, I don't believe in love. That's bullshit. What? He doesn't believe in love? That's an insane thing. And the reason is because his wife died of cancer, which is the second time cancer has been used to win an argument in this. But like dead wife means he no longer believes that love exists. So like, does he not love her anymore? Does he think love never existed and so there was never a thing between them? What is his belief system at this point? Right. Right. He goes, that's, and again, this is an absolute goddamn direct quote from this movie. He says, that's why there is no God. That's why believing in God is stupid. Love is stupid. Love is stupid

and won't And then she's like well actually, you know, I have a Bible passage for you for just such an occasion It's John 14 27 and she reads it to me and I it's meaningless I could not figure out what the fuck that was supposed to even be saying Yeah, right and the direction here is for Captain Tano to almost start weeping with Christ's love at John 14, 27, but then be like, and he catches himself. He stays atheist for the rest of Act Two. Right. Yes, exactly. And then we get this falling in love with Miriam montage, which includes like sitting in a circle while she plays guitar. Yeah, which is legitimately worse than his time in solitary, like a hundred percent worse.

I was watching her, her chords are all one finger on one string and then strum all six strings. And I really want the actual audio. Flang, flang, flang. So, but we also learn after this montage that Lou refuses to love Jesus, right? Lou will not be a Christian despite all of Peter's best efforts. And then, T'chiron comes up and tells us that it is 14 hours before Lou and Lynn Brooks' execution. Now, I'd forgotten who Lynn Brooks was. That's KSORBO. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that's Kevin Sorbo. Now, it is not 14 hours before, because right after the chirozes,

14 hours before the execution, they come and they tell Lou, hey, you're gonna be executed tomorrow night. It's the middle of the day. There is no time where you are 14 hours shy of tomorrow night. No, absolutely not. Even if it wasn't daytime outside and did it. So Peter's like, oh man, if you're going to die so soon, you got to love Jesus. And he's like,

he refuses and he goes, yeah, why would a loving God let any of this exist? And he's like, oh, right. I was like, the movie? Yeah, totally get it. I was like, the movie? Yeah, totally get it. So he's like, yeah, you know, as I understand it, your savior would be like super against the death penalty of all things, right? Like he would probably be most mad about that. No, right. Apparently he's all he's fine. Oh, and this is this is when Peter says, well, we all have the death penalty. But then we can meet God.

So you know, it's a death gift. It's a death investment opportunity that you can't afford not to buy. But Lou is unconvinced and then the voiceover is like, but who knows? Maybe he turned Christian the instant before he got killed. We can't tell for sure. So then we see how KSORbs is feeling about his upcoming execution. Peter goes to check on him and the chyron comes up and it says 10 hours to the execution. It's not. It's the next goddamn night. But Ksorbs is good. He's like, I'm actually just fine. The only thing

I'm worried about is who's going to take over my church ministry. I want you to do it. Yeah. And I wanted Pete to be like, I'd rather get pardoned and get out of prison, to be honest. I've got an angle I'm trying to take here. Yeah. And Peter's like, yeah, fuck it. And obviously it would be me. He's like, oh, okay. And then he goes, oh, hey, you know what, Kevin Sorbo, I've never, it occurs to me now that I've never asked what you were in jail for in the first place. And Kevin Sorbo's character goes, well, my wife flirted with another man, so I murdered

her. You could have made it something I don't know. You could write so many things. So look, it's based on a real guy, right? So that's probably what they felt like they were that well, we have to make it the thing that he actually did. But if that's the case and you want to bring it up, you have to bring that up really early in the movie and then give us time to say, Oh, look what a changed man is. You can't have him say, Oh, I actually murdered my wife for flirting with another man and then

expect me in the next scene to be sympathetic to this character. Yeah. Oh yeah. BT dubs, big stabbing, big stabbing of a lady. Anyway, my arc begins now. And then we get Miriam checking on Peter. She's like, Oh, so I saw that these other two people were going to get killed. And I wanted to know how you felt about that. I wanted to comfort you about their deaths. And this is where we introduce, and this is going to become, I guess, the plot of the movie from this point on. The fact that Miriam never cries. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. She's a stoic.

Yeah. Peter's like, you know, it's okay if you, if you cry and she says, oh, you're overestimating my acting ability. I don't, I don't cry. But no, but she, she, she says at this point, no, my dad told me not to cry. So I never ever cry at any point in the movies. Like you're going to cry at the very end of the movie. She's like, no, I'm not. I'm not. That's such an insane thing. It's like she pinky swore she wouldn't cry then. And never has. I don't like with this lady, you have to make your, uh, your, the promises time bound. Otherwise she'll take them literally forever. Could you hold this a second? Could

you hold this for me? She'll hold it forever. You've got to forever. Could you hold this a second? Could you hold this for me? She'll hold it forever. You've got to say, can you hold this for a minute? Otherwise, she'll never let go of something. All right. Well, I've been assured that someone's at least going to die in an upcoming scene. So we're going to call that the end act two and I'm going to give act three the hard sell.

Will God intervene and save Peter and Cuba? What would be the point of the fucking movie if he didn't? Why the fuck would you even make this thing if he didn't? Find out the answers to one of those questions when we return for the just kill-em-already conclusion of The Firing Squad. So how are you feeling, Pastor Lindbrook? I feel good. I'm ready to stand beside Jesus and welcome eternity. That's great. Hey, you know, it occurs to me, I never actually asked you why you were in this prison in the

first place. Oh, that. Yeah, well, the truth is that one time I saw my wife flirting with another man and I flew into such a jealous rage that I murdered her. Oh wow. Oh yeah. I was expecting something a little less disturbing.

I'm not finished yet. No? Well, once she was dead, I also had to kill the bastard she was flirting with, obviously. I don't think had to is the right phrase. And let me tell you, I did not let him go slow. I made that mistake with my wife. Didn't want to do that again. Okay.

Yeah, I'm going to... And then, once I had their corpses at my disposal, well, I decided to send a message at that point. So I carved up their bodies and mailed the pieces to the four corners of the earth as a warning to others. Right. That's very biblical. And then, and then, shh, stop interrupting.

When I realized that I was looking at a death penalty anyway, I started to think about all the vengeance I could take between that moment and the one where they finally captured me. So I went on what can only be described as a bloodthirsty rampage. And after that, well, that's when I started thinking about all those filthy younglings. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Don't worry. Jesus did forgive me. So I get to go to heaven. Yeah, not actually helping them.

Fun fact, my wife was agnostic at the time. So she is actually burning in hell. And I'm not Christian anymore. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna reopen the action with Tanu relishing his chance to tell Lou that he did not in fact get his last minute pardon. He's gonna get executed tomorrow night. Again, this happened after the 10 hour chyron. Yeah, and Warden Tanu comes over to Looz Cell to announce this to him to be like, you're definitely getting executed. And then he just walks away and the warden needed an escort

of six guys marching in formation with assault rifles to just go say that and then walk away and then he forgets that they're going to march away. So he starts walking and then he stops himself and then he's like, one, two, three. Well, okay. So we have not even mentioned this yet and shame on us. It's been a long episode already, but we have not mentioned that these guards are constantly carrying fucking machine guns and they're constantly pointing them at each other and at Captain Tugger. They're mostly down, but they're always pointing at each other's shins and feet and shit.

It's just awesome. If you just watch this movie simply for how many times they almost shoot each other's feet off, it's amazing. Just trying to get a raspberry seed out of the muzzle, but like it's a lot of ridiculous work with the guns. Yeah. Maybe that's why they needed to bring in like seven or eight new gods at the same time.

They had so many casualties. That could be it. Yeah. None of them can walk it turns out. Yeah. So yeah. And he says to Lou, he's like, so do you any special requests? He's like, no.

He's like, no last meal. Then he's like, well, I want to eat. And he goes, no, too late. No take backs. And then they march off. I don't feel like an Indonesian prison to get you get like to request a special meal for your last meal. What I really want is three beef and cheeses. And sparkling water. Some stuff dates. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, but Peter shows up.

He walks in like immediately after Tano, because you're allowed to go wherever you want in this prison and talk to whoever you want, whenever you want to. And he goes, Lou, this is your last chance to love Jesus. And Lou's like, No, I won't exist after tomorrow because I'm an atheist and don't believe in a soul. So he tries to give Jesus that one last hard sell. He's just putting Jesus into his hands. Yeah, right.

Right. It feels really good. You know, I need to do to put you in a Jesus right now. Walk around with the Jesus a little bit and just see how you see how he feels. So, but, but here's the thing, like, from an atheist perspective, right, my take on this is just imagine being poor Lou who is about to die and his only friend in the world will talk to him about nothing but Jesus. Yeah.

Right? Like the only goddamn thing. And then the pastor comes and pesters him about it too. So like everybody's running around pestering him about Jesus. He has to spend his last hours of fucking life worrying about this. All this goddamn Jesus shit. Oh, poor fucking guy. So yeah. So then we, we watch how they can't afford a very good rain filter in this film. Oh, this establishing shot is fucking greatest. They do an establishing shot of night, then morning, then 6 p.m. So that we're led through the concept of time days.

And now we know where we are. Well, the Chiron comes up and it's like 6 p.m. and I'm like, you haven't told us when the execution is, guys. 6 p.m. doesn't matter to us. Presumably that's close to the execution. We don't know how close. Yeah, it could be anywhere from up to five hours from now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's sometime tonight, we know. So I guess maybe if we see someone

in the background eating a meal, we'll know it's dinner. Now, it's so funny. Okay. Again, somebody was being paid by the Chiron. So now they take Lou and K-Sorbs out of their cells for, I guess, to walk the mile. And Lou, who is an atheist, is acting like a real fucking sissy about it. Oh, he's so weak, this guy who doesn't want to die. Where, where, where? Come on. I mean, this movie could not, because again, this is based on a real guy, this movie could not, because again this is based on a real guy, this movie could not be more disrespectful to this one human being where they're just like, and he was

just a whiny bitch about it. KSORBS on the other hand, he's like, yeah, no, it's time, it's time. I'm fine with it. Oh yeah, KSORBS like slowly shakes everyone's hands, says goodbye, and dies with the dignity that his Twitter account will never have. It's so stupid. Yeah, just going to everybody, firm handshake, lock eyes, very calm. Namaste.

Yep. And then he's about to get killed. Like a fucking politician leaving a stage. Yes. But not Lou because this is what happens when you're a drug dealer for a long time and then you're about to get executed and you're not Christian yet. Yep. This is what happens.

Yep. So and then it says, it comes around and it's like, the Chiron tells us it's now 730 and they're just getting these prisoners to the shooting wall. It's an hour and a half walk to the shooting wall? Why would it be then? Because they to take a detour via Hong Kong. They got to come over the mountains to get to China. Yeah. Yeah. So, but they get to the shooting wall an hour and a half later, the firing squad comes up. The firing squad is all of the guards. Like everyone is such a big firing squad. Yes. There's 13 of them.

Yeah. So, and Lou's like, come on guys. Really? We're really going through with this? And they're like, yeah, man, we're totally going through with this. So they give him a blindfold because he's a sissy. Case Orbs doesn't need no blindfold. He can look right into those guns because he's got the power of Christ compelling him.

Right? So, and they're like, do you have any last words? He's like, no. And I'm like, first of all, you didn't even give Lou a last word attempt. But also, if I was going to be executed, I feel like I thought in this moment, I would be more worried about nailing the last words than being executed. So I think I could agree with that. But I also wonder, like, what's the limit on that? Like, could you have a lot of last words? Could you just like fill a book to your execution

by just going on, I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. go to shoot Lou ducks and they're like, take it like a man. And I'm like, this is how a man takes getting murdered. I'd hide behind K sorps, right? I'd get behind them and make them drag me out from there. But then the VO comes up and they shoot them. They shoot the two of them.

And the VO comes up and says, K sorps went straight to heaven. We all know where Lou went. As he was yelling, you know, there's not enough evidence for God. And he dies, atheistically. Yeah, is this where we like cut to Peter and he's like crying about it? Because his crying is incredible.

He's crying four tears simultaneously from each eye. They're running down his cheeks all at the same time like condensation on a window. He looks like a wax candle melting. That's how bad his fake is crying is. Yeah. They also make sure to show us that Kevin Sorbo died with a Bible in his hand. Very important. I really wanted the Bible to have stopped the first bullet and then be like, fuck!

Okay, see? This keeps happening. That's why we can't let him have that. And then after the execution, Tanu stops by Peter's cell to tell him what a sniveling coward Lew was about dying. Right? But he's like, Ksarbs though, died pretty awesome. He was pretty fucking Hercules about it if you don't even know what I'm saying.

I mean, I am an ardent atheist, but that was hard for me to reconcile. I am starting to turn in my thing. I don't know. Yes. So weird. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously, Captain Tano's entire part, the entire script for him is Christian writer

winning a fight in the shower against himself in the voice of Captain Tano. That's all he ever gets. Yes. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So, and this is also the part where Tano's like, Hey, hey, tell you what, if you deny Christ, I'll let you go from the prison. Huh? Why would you believe him? Even if that was a genuine offer, why would he possibly believe him? He's meant to be like the evil guy. Well, and also if it was true, if it was a real offer,

what a fucking idiot Peter is. I feel like, you know, you, you deny Christ and then you, you apologize later. Christ is all into that forgiveness shit. Yeah you're allowed to do last second stuff. You're allowed to do loopholes. Absolutely. Yeah all the way. No but Peter's like nah I'm good.

Feeling good. And Captain Tony's like huh you've passed my ruse test you have. I might need to rethink my philosophy. Time for conditioner. I wrote that fuck. So then we cut to Jakarta where Miriam is pleading with Eric Roberts, the council, to do something about Peter Sentis to get it commuted or something, right? Again they label this like the embassy of the USA in Jakarta.

And again, that is a building you can Google and it looks nothing like that. Do they think we can't Google? Why wouldn't they just have a picture of that? Right? They couldn't get rights to the US embassy in Jakarta. What the fuck is happening? But Eric Roberts is like, no, you know, I spoke directly with the Indonesian president and I'm like, wow, having Eric Roberts speaking on your behalf doesn't probably help. And he's like, yep, nope, it didn't help. No dice. Yeah. And Eric Roberts, he also says, yeah, Indonesia have a zero drug tolerance policy. And it's like, yeah, he says that with a tone of a man speaking from experience about Indonesia. Feels like this was also Eric Roberts just there being shot, not knowing for that reason.

Yeah. Right. So, but yeah, right, right. They just show up and ask him about commuting the sentence of some prisoners. He's like, yeah, I can probably do that. I'm Eric Roberts. I'll touch the president of Indonesia. I have this laptop by Commodore from 1991. I'll use that. Yeah.

He says, I've heard only good things about him. I mean, other than the drug smuggling, right? You have heard that bit as well. Right. So I think most of the stuff that he's been sentenced to is pretty bad. Yeah. So she's like, she's like, he's a changed person. I'm like, well, you know, he's been in prison. Everybody changes in prison. She goes, would amnesty international help? And he goes, no, they're not Christians. No, that's a bunch of fucking heathens. So then we cut to the Chiron tells us it's two days before Peter's execution. You take

that with a grain of fucking salt and discipline, right? We don't know when it is in relation to his execution. But this is the part where we see like the execution, the firing squad practicing on their execution mannequins. Yeah, I'm sure they definitely do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Question. Doesn't it seem like you'd put clothing on the mannequins if you were going to do the firing squad practice? That would seem weird to me. It would seem weird if they dressed. It would seem really weird to dress them. Oh, that would make it weirder for you. Yeah, I think it would be. Yeah Because they're just mannequins like they're just plastic until you start dressing them up and like drawing little moustaches on them. Yeah, exactly.

Giving them like speech bubbles talking about their kids. Please don't kill me. That is what I was thinking and now I feel like you're making fun of it. Okay. All right, so there are eight men in the firing squad practicing shooting and there were nine bullet holes in the mannequin. Yeah. Yeah, one of the guys is two fist in it.

So yeah, but they shoot the fuck out of the mannequins and then meanwhile, Peter is praying like he never prayed before. Don't worry, it won't matter. They're going to murder him. Spoilers. And Miriam is there praying with him and he's praying that he won't be sad and all wussy like Lou was. And they just sat outside in the grass on like some chairs that they've taken out.

What kind of like Indonesian death prison do you get to have prayer dudes with your lover who works there? Yes. Yeah. They're like feeding each other grapes slowly. Yeah. Eating beef and cheese. Yeah.

And Tana's over there going like, what are they praying? That's dumb. Stupid fucking dumb prayer. So yeah. But we get that. We get some news coverage of the plot. The news reporter at one point the news anchor goes, how are the prisoners Suzanne and Suzanne goes, they're gonna, they're killing a man in a day. Why would you ask me that? But she's like,

no, actually, they're bad. Unless they're Christian. Right. And then she goes, actually, no, you know what, they're Christian. So they're just fucking Right. And then she goes, actually, no, you know what? They're Christian, so they're just fucking fine. And I'm like, oh, well, I guess it's not sad then. And then the chyron says it's the day of the execution. But from what the reporter just said, it already was the day of the execution. We cut from the morning of the execution to 10 a.m. day of execution. Yeah.

Right. In Los Angeles, California. And California. So then, okay, this is where Peter proposes he wants to marry Miriam before he gets executed. Right? It would be amazing if she said no. That would be the greatest thing. No, you're getting killed in like half a day.

This would be a waste of my time. Yeah, and yours, really. And yours. I wanted her to be like, yeah, you know what? That's actually pretty convenient for me. That fits my lifestyle. Yes, let's do that until TikTok, what? 12 hours max.

Yeah, it was in. It was in my mind. No, I wanted him to get like pardoned then. And then be like, hey, that didn't count, right? So, but no, so, but they they're going to get married. So and she's like, but before we get married, you have to know my the real reason I can't cry and he's like, why would I have to know that?

She's like, this is my last chance to tell this story. Oh, okay. So she's like, you know, when my dad was, when I was a kid, my dad killed himself and my mom said, don't cry. And so I never have. And he's like, well, that's the same story you told me before, but with your mom instead of your dad and slightly more detail. And she's like, yeah. And he's like, it's not impactful this time. She's like, really? I thought it would be impactful. Yeah. And he's like, you do realize I'm dying in 12 hours. You were really cutting into that marriage time. She's like, really? I thought it would be impactful. Yeah. And he's like, you do realize I'm dying in 12 hours.

We're really cutting into that marriage time. Yeah. And then Eddie shows up and you might be asking yourself, who's Eddie? Did they forget to mention this character, Eddie? And in answer to those two questions, one, Eddie is the main character of the movie and two, no, we haven't forgot to mention him. He just shows up for the first goddamn time in this scene.

Yes. It's so crazy. He just walks up and they're like, ah, Eddie, so glad you walked up just now. This is convenient. You're a person named Eddie that we know. Marry us, please. Yes. I think we had seen Eddie before. He was in the scene where the captain is saying, prayer is stupid. He's saying that to Eddie. Yes. Prisoner 5482. That's the only other time, prayer is stupid. He's saying that to Eddie. Yeah. Prisoner 5-4-8-2.

That's the only other time we've seen it. Yeah, right, right. He's been in the background here and there, but he's never been named. He's had one line of dialogue. It was a throwaway, bad attempt at humor. That's it. If you go back, there's a bunch of blips like Tyler Durden of Eddie. Oh, interesting.

Interesting. Okay. All right. So yeah, but Miriam runs off to find a ring. From the girls. From the girls in prison. You're those prison girls who just hang around in male prisons in Indonesia. Yeah.

And then, but that's good because that gives Peter time to have a heart to heart with Eddie. He thinks Eddie is ready to take over the prison ministry once he's gone. And the rest of the goddamn movie is about whether or not Eddie is up to that challenge. Oh, I thought you were going to say whether or not Eddie's actor is up for delivering lines in the movie. No, he is not. He is not even just being told he's taken over the chapel.

He goes through eight different attempts to act surprised and happy. It's so funny. He tries to start acting eight times. We watch that. He's like, he's winding up as an old timey pitcher to deliver lines, but then stopping, balking, and doing that seven more times. Like he's trying to pull start an old lawnmower, but with action. Yes. Right. It's fucking insane. And like, look, everyone in this movie is bad except Kubrick Jr. who is Kubrick Jr. Like everybody else in this movie is terrible.

But like every one of them, I wanted to apologize to him for the notes that I'd written when I saw how bad Eddie was. Right. Eddie looks like they just surprised him morning up. Right. The guy who was supposed to play that role had a heart attack and it was Eddie's fault. So he had to step in or something. Wow.

It was bad. One of the militia cosplay guys shot another one by accident when they were like, Oh, trying to pick something out of their teeth with it. Yeah. And then they get married. Now, look, this is, I can, this is a scene that it's almost hard to shoot this scene without it being emotionally charged. Right. Like, this is, again, this is a scene that it's almost hard to shoot this scene without it being emotionally charged.

Right? The two of them are about to get married hours before he's sentenced to die. And yet, because we've got Eddie in this scene just going like, wow, it's a wedding and I'm in a movie the whole time. There's no emotion to it at all. Like this, honestly, it is no different than any other wedding scene, any till death do us part scene that you've seen in any other fucking movie. It's incredible. It's so fast because the line is like, we've got a wedding to do and we're done.

I do. Yeah. And also, by the way, so they've been in this chapel in the prison over and over again. And yet they've decided to use this generic chapel green screen for the wedding scene That looks nothing like the church. They've been in the whole thing Like they make it look like they just got married at the church down the fucking block. Yeah So, okay So meanwhile so Tano is talking to one of the guards and he's very upset that Peter Is it more weepy and broken on the eve of his execution? And this is just a really small moment, but I've loved, I've enjoyed the background work

of all the extras in this throughout the entire movie. But this is my favorite bit of the background work because all of the prisoners, all of the extras, as the scene starts, they're all like huddled in a group in the middle, like in the background outside on the grass. And this is meant to be their sort of yard time. And so as the scene progresses, they all start wandering off in different directions because they've said like, you know, and action,

and they've all chosen a direction and walked in it. But it sort of looks like you've just like unboxed, you've taken the lid off a box of kittens and now they're all just going off and doing their own thing as easy as they can. It's amazing how many just very basic rules of filmmaking that they miss in this movie. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah. So, OK.

So that night, Tano stops by Peter's cell for a chat to tell him, like, hey, man, I'm I'm genuinely going to miss you. I think we've bonded over all of this time of me, you know, psyching you out with food and actually dumping it on my head and everything. He actually says we've had some great talks, you and I. And like the whole point of this dumb liar scene that they wrote is like this Captain Tano being like, you certainly pwned my atheism with facts and logic on quite the regular basis. Oh, my God. I have to admit that now.

It was off camera. We'd be like, I'm sure the writer of this movie desperately tried to write any one scene where I won a fucking argument at any fucking point. But no, never actually happened. Yeah. It's as if he ends it by sort of saying, you almost make me want to convert to Christianity.

But like, K. Sobs was in the prison for years and didn't tempt him into Christianity. So it just makes the point that Kevin Sobo was a shit Christian in his realm. Yeah, exactly. So then we get, we get Peter given his very last sermon. Oh, there's one moment before that that I just have to mention. I think at one point they said like, oh, the entire media outside, the captain tells him, oh, the entire media is covering you outside. And I want the movie to cut to outside. And it's just Cuba Gooding Jr. It's all the way.

The media, all of them look like Groucho Marx today. That's so weird. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. So, but yeah. But so speaking of Cuba Gooding Jr. So now Peter's going to give his very last sermon. And after that's over, he's going to do a song with Cuba. And the two of them are going to sing Amazing Grace together. Beautiful song. Truly beautiful.

Yes, one of the most beautiful songs ever fucking written. So I love this so goddamn much because Cuba Gooding Jr. is absolutely going for it. And the guy who plays Peter is singing it like, have you ever been like you got your headphones in and you're singing and then like you realize somebody's there and you suddenly get way quieter and now you're singing like this? Yeah. He's singing it like a child at school assembly, all having to sing the hymn, but

don't want to be there. Yes, right. It's that. Yeah, exactly. It was almost like he was listening along to a song and he was worried that like the N word was going to pop up in it and Cooper Gooding Jr. was like hedging, not saying everything. There's even a moment where Cuba Gooding Jr. like he kind of breaks down for a second because

he realizes that this is the last time he'll ever sing or whatever. And Cuba Gooding Jr. is a good enough actor that you see that that's what he's realizing. But then he stopped singing and it's just Peter singing for just a second. He's like, amazing, great, stupid. God damn it, sing more, man. You're really carrying this, brother. Yeah. I also I also like that Miriam is there and she got the words wrong twice. Oh, did you really? And they show it twice.

They got to where it just happened like completely wrong mouth motion. And they show it twice. They just have it like completely wrong mouth motion and they keep it. I don't know why. The entire congregation is mouthing something that isn't this song at all. Yeah, absolutely. And there's also a lovely moment where like in that moment where he's broken down and he starts again, there's a look from the congregation of like, oh, we're doing the second verse. Okay. Okay. Yeah. No, it was grace that caught my heart. Oh, there's a second verse? I didn't know. Yeah. I thought it was just the theme song to a sitcom that I know. Shit.

So, yeah, so they finished the song and everybody, there's not a dry eye in the house. Even the guards are all there and they're crying. And then Eddie comes up and he's like, wow, thank you for singing the last song that you'll ever sing in your entire lives for us. And it's like, dude, not the fucking time. And it's the best because Eddie, yeah, Eddie's trying to do the thing where he's taking over the chapel now. And it goes so fucking badly. It's this beautiful, amazing grace moment.

And then he's like, hey, keep it going for Peter. Right. All right. Who wants to be a Christian? Come on up and be a Christian. Nobody. Anybody. Nobody comes up and they just cut.

Yep. That's it. So, OK, then we get Merriam visiting him in his cell and they're praying. And I'm saying this, if I have my new wife in my prison cell before my execution, we're not doing goddamn fucking Bible study. Jesus. And then, so, and he starts telling her fucking Bible verses and then Bible verses are on the Chirons now. Because the Chiron guy just would not stop. He's getting paid by the letter 100%. It must be. Yeah. It's John 316 PM now. That doesn't make sense.

Yeah, I'm getting paid by the letter. Could you quote something from Ecclesiastes? But then he's like, don't worry, God has a plan. And Miriam's like, I don't know that he does. And he's like, really? Because that would betray your entire character. She's like, right, right. And then they have a great big hug. A pre death hug. Jesus. All right. And then the chyron comes up, tells us it's 10 p.m.

again, we have not been told when the execution is right. We know it's got to be at least an hour and a half because he's in his prison cell. That's a long ways from the shooting wall. So, but they come in and they're like, okay, if everybody wants to come out of their cells and say goodbye to Peter, he is the main character. So we're going to offer everybody a chance to do that. Yeah, he gets to do his little handshake goodbye thing. We got Cooper Gooding Jr.

He comes out. He's doing that thing where he's like nodding and winking at pretend people in the crowd to make it look like he's engaged with the audience in the stage. Oh, hi. Yeah. No, it's great to see you over there. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Again, pretty sure he was just in a fugue state believing he lives in this place and nodding. Yeah, it's it's me, Cuba Gooding Jr. That's right. Oh, maybe that's it. Maybe he got arrested for drugs in Indonesia and he's like the death penalty and they're like worse Gotta be that MNIST the international was like, all right, we're gonna try to get you out of this movie and get you killed

There's also I have to I have to say I love this fucking moment so much because Kubrick good engineer He walks out and he's doing it with all the kind of slow Gravitas that you would for the very end of the movie. But the guard actors who are just the guys who were at this camp, right, they don't realize that they should like match that pace so they keep bumping into him and then he has to slow him down again. But so but now they're gonna they're gonna walk the mile and as they do they're gonna sing Amazing Grace which would be an incredibly impactful moment if we hadn't done that in literally the last scene. If the movie didn't step on its own line moments ago in their script, it's the best.

And apparently this is the thing, the whole thing says it's based on a true story. This is the bit of the story that's true, that apparently when they got shot, they sang Amazing Grace in front of the firing that's true that apparently when they got shot they sang Amazing Grace In front of the firing squad and then they were halfway through singing another him and that's when they got shot So like they didn't want to show I guess the second him So they just reprised Amazing Grace, but the only bit of this really the filibuster one Yeah, exactly in real life. Where in Amazing Grace Do you think they got shot like in real life if you're do it if you're the executioner knows a different him They let him finish amazing grace. Oh, oh they got in real life allegedly. They got through the whole thing

Okay, yeah, and then something else yeah So oh what would be amazing is if the guards all like held up lighters after amazing grace and like no that's good Go again go and do another one and then they shot him as started. They had to try to improvise a new hymn. Oh. They just get shot right away. Outstanding grace. I tell you, when everybody sings, even the guards that are taking him out to die,

everybody sings. The guards are now ugly cries singing in a really bad way. Yes. I wrote, this is the stupidest scene I've ever seen set in a prison. The prison scene in Paddington was more realistic than this scene. Well, so here's the thing.

Okay. I cry at everything. It's so easy to make me cry at your fucking Super Bowl commercial or your cartoon or whatever you want to make me cry. This scene in the hands of even the most basically moderately competent filmmaker would have me bawling. These two guys walking out, you've got a great actor in Kubrickoating Junior to do it,

and they're singing under this beautiful fucking sun. You have to be so incompetent for me not to cry during this scene, and I was dry-eyed during this fucking scene. You were marrying me all the way through this scene. Yes. Yes. To his credit though, I was definitely weeping

when he did the first one. He fucking nailed it. He absolutely nailed it. In that first one. Yeah, I was definitely weeping when he did the first one. He fucking nailed it. Yeah, absolutely. In that first one. Yeah, he was great. Yeah. So, okay. So now it's time for him to get shot. So it must be 1130, I guess. I don't know.

Neither of them need no blindfold because they're no sissy atheists. They're ready for it. Oh, there's a lovely thing. Some of the members of the Fire and Explosion. One of them is dressed like he's in Rainbow Six. The rest are all in camel gear. He's all in black. Yep.

Several of them are wearing helmets. Are they expecting Six. The rest are all in camel gear. He's all in black. Several of them are wearing helmets. Are they expecting the prisoners to shoot back? Why would they? I think they're not going to take flacks from these guys. In fairness, when they did the practice on the mannequins, there was an extra bullet from some asshole in the background. That's true. Craig, what the fuck are you doing?

You're not even in the line, man. Now we have to wear helmets for these. This is crazy. So they go, do you have any last words? And Peter's like, I forgive all of you. You're just doing your jobs. And I'm like, that's terrible. And then they say, Cooke, do you have any last words? He says, hallelujah, he is risen.

And I'm like, oh, that's even fucking worse. You're making Peter's words look good. And then there's a third guy. They go to this third guy and they're like, do you have any words? And he goes, nah, I'm not. And they don't show it to us. And I'm like, does the third guy turn out to be Albert Einstein? What's happening? Eventually they'll show a third guy and it's

just some rando because apparently there was some other guy that was there with them when they got shot. So they wanted to be accurate to it, but it's so weird for him to just go. And how about you? And we're all like, who? So yeah, that's like other guy at the crucifixion. Yes. Right, right. That's a rough one. Yeah. So, okay. So now it's time they're going to count down the, the firing squad is going to count down.

It's time to shoot them ready aim fire, but no one can bring themselves to shoot Peter or maybe the third guy. We don't know actually. Now that it might've been that he was really popular, we don't really know. Craig, what the What the fuck we obviously we just did amazing grace. We're not firing So yeah, but then but then time is like no no you have to shoot him I'm yelling at you now shoot him and then they do

And so the thing about this is right earlier We didn't quite touch on it, but earlier they mentioned about the firing squad, they stand you in front of the firing wall and that wall has never seen a bullet hit it because the firing squad never missed. That's going to be a big scary thing. They set that up and I wrote, oh, okay. So now the firing squad have all deliberately missed. We know they never missed, but the wall is going to be pockmarked in bullets because

they don't want to shoot. Oh. It's not that. It's not though. They didn't even do that. That would have been great. Exactly. They absolutely set up this cheesy fucking ending that actually could have been at least kind of clever. But no, they didn't fucking do that.

It's so incredible. So yeah, so they die. Nothing happens. The birds fly by. That's probably symbolic of some fucking thing. Right. Yeah. And so the guards go back in and then Tano has his atheist mop fit. Yes, that was the best.

Right. He's just running around yelling at people. Now, again, like they tried to set Tano up as this terrible, awful person. But I guess for whatever reason, the movie doesn't want to make him do any terrible, awful things. So he's just kind of walking around half shoving people going, get out of yourself. No, get back into your cell. Now get out of your cell. Simon says, come back out yourself. There's some identical twins we've never seen. They're the only ones sharing a cell. That seems a lot. I know they've shared like close quarters accommodation before in their existence, but that was a

long time ago before they were born. You don't have to force it into a cell now. He yells at one guy for having a cross earring. And again, like, you know, you think he's going to like reach up and snatch the earring out or was it something? No, he's just going to yell at him. And then he throws a broom at the end of this. But, and this is so good, they don't have a prop broom.

And he's like, he doesn't want to hurt anybody So you like he goes in a rage and he like calculates exactly where he can throw so that none of because there's people around Him all over the place, right? So he's a very carefully angrily throw this broom Does a javelin run up? During your tantrum you're doing a run. Okay, weird weird. Yeah but yeah, so and then So he leaves then we get the scene where Eddie says goodbye to Miriam I know you were worried we'd miss that scene in the movie. What with how important a character Eddie is

Eddie explains that she you know He doesn't think that he's good enough to lead the the ministry now that Peter's gone and she's like, well, you know, I'm Mary fucking Poppins. I'm leaving now. My work here is done. And I felt that Eddie was disappointed that she didn't come with the chapel. Right. I assumed that was going to pass along.

So does he, would he pass us on? No, I'd like soup for me to even ask. So, and he's like, oh, by the way, I have a letter that Peter left for me to give to you after he was dead. Right. But he didn't. He didn't do that.

Because he says, oh, you know, like, he gave me this letter right before he was killed. But he didn't because she was the one in the room with him before he was called for execution. So, if he had a letter, he could have given it to them. And then the letter starts with, I'm writing this quick note as they take me away. No, you're not because she sat with you. We can watch her sit with you while you're being taken away. And then we watched you get taken away. They show us it.

They show us in the flashback while he says the words, I'm writing this as they take me away. They show us in flashback her with him at that moment. It's insane. What a weird lie for your death letter. But you know what it is, guys? with him at that moment. It's insane. What a weird lie for your death letter. You know what it is guys? He wrote it during that hour and a half walk to the shooting. He probably had plenty of time. So kind of hard to write while you're walking, but it's not impossible. So, and then he, so they have the voiceover read the letter and it's so banal.

Like, she's just like, well, you know, I'm in heaven, so suck it. You have to wait. She's just like, well, you know, I'm in heaven, so suck it. You have to wait. Gotcha. And that's it. Right. So, and she says, and Eddie says, what does it say? And she's like, it's nothing. It's just yada, yada, yada, really, basically.

And then Eddie's like, you know, you can cry if you want to. And she's like, no, it's my character's thing. I don't cry. He's like, are you sure it's not that you're not a good enough actor to cry? She's like, shut up. Why don't you fucking shut up, Eddie? You're not even really a character in the movie They just thought of you in the third act. God damn it So yeah, so then Eddie pastors we get to watch him pastor one more time. Yes, the movies about Eddie now

I don't fucking understand it So he gets to the end of his sermon. He's like, you know, I know I'm not very good at sermoning But if anybody wanted a little bit of Jesus, I do have some extra. And just then, Captain Tano comes in to receive Jesus and become a Christian. So the answer to why would God not step in and save Peter is that he needed Peter to die to save Tu's soul. Right?

Yes. Yeah. And so I don't know, maybe this sort of happened in a true story. I didn't look it up, but like the claim is a guy in Indonesia, a warden at a prison in Indonesia became a Christian Weepily because of this. That guy almost certainly a Muslim person in real life, right? And this movie being like, yeah, check mark, nailed it. Got him. Yeah, right. And it's not like he stopped being a warden at an Indonesian death prison or anything afterwards.

He's just now a Christian one. Yeah. But right, so then we cut to Miriam and she's weeping at Tarnu becoming a Christian. Finally she can cry again. And fair play to Tarnu. He is weeping. He is, he is snot weeping. This is probably the only good bit of acting not done by Cooper Gooding Jr. is Tarnu doing this incredible over the top weeping.

Yes. Yeah. And then the fucking title card comes up to tell us this film is dedicated to the Christians killed at the Karabokan prison in Indonesia. Not the other person. Those Muslims in those alias can fuck themselves. This movie's for the Christians. Only the Christians who got killed.

Lou, did you see what a sissy Lou was about this shit? Presumably Morgan also died. We don't know, but he must have died in a way that was particularly dramatic or cinematic, so we'll never find out. That's it. And that's the fucking movie. Oh, God, this is I'm so much I'm so happy we did this instead of Bitcoin. All right.

So that does it for our review of the firing squad, but it's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to fall backwards into this same pit again next week. So Heath, tell us what's on deck. We've got more Cuba Gooding Jr. Fucking what? That's right. Here's the description of the next movie from IMDB. When an Iraq war veteran receives a calling from a higher power,

he embarks on a mission to stop a fallen angel from raising an army of the dead to take over the world. Cuba is going to be starring alongside Denise Richards and and so much better UFC legend Randy Couture. What? In Angels Fallen Warriors of Peace. Oh, that's amazing. I have put the poster in the notes. The poster looks amazing as well. I feel bad for Eli. It's so mean for us to steal this movie from Eli. Alright, so with that to genuinely look forward to, we're going to bring episode 470 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to Marsh for all his help. Be sure to check the show notes for a link to all his other stuff. He's got other stuff and perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself on their ranks, you can make a purpose of donation at patreon.com slash got off on there by your own access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the scaling of the citation

needed dnd minus and the scapegoat available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, as you can email god awful movies at gmail.com Tim Robertson takes care of our social media our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick will be able to drive sound Mars all the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week, for Heath Enright and Eli Bosnik, I'm an illusionist, promise to work harder, earn another check next week, until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club Close.

Eric Roberts and Kevin Sorbo went on to have a spa day together at a leather tannery. Tannu went on to keep murdering people as his job. Yep. Sure did. The world's media turned up to the prison to cover the story. And that one guard would not let them leave. He wasn't fallen for you guys. Did you not want so badly, this bothered me so much, that Cooper Gooding Jr. didn't get to do a drug deal, like he's in there for drug dealing, right? Or something like that. The fact that he didn't get to have a scene where they were like, show me the drugs and he was like, show me the money!

Right. It was so disappointing. He even asked Peter for a million dollars and at no point did he say show me the money. Right. It was so disappointing. He even asked Peter for a million dollars. Yes. And at no point did he say show me the money. No. So sad. There were so many opportunities.

I'm willing to bet. Maybe he just kept doing that and they were like, you can't do it. We'll let you do the song. I think it was the other way. I think they wrote that into the script like six fucking times. And he was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not fucking. That's definitely what happened. You're absolutely right.

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