God Awful Movies - 480: The Deliverance

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of The Deliverance; a horror movie that isn't afraid to show Marsh things as terrifying as the American health care system. === Come see us live in Nashville! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-nashville-tennessee-tickets-997264413707 Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/

And she lays down with him, but the hole to hell is still there. Cuts to a contractor the next day. This is not good. This is not going to be cheap. This is going to cost him. Eli, would you take hole to hell in your basement over what's been happening in your basement? Yeah, really honestly. Are you kidding?

The devil and I have so much in common. He'd be like I love your recordings man we all sort of gather near the hole I'm a patron God awful movie Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. this week, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Enjoying my tide commercials in deep blue New Jersey. Yeah, right. I was in England for a while and they're just like, I like Nutella. Oh boy, crumpets.

And I'm like, yes, these are ads I could get behind. And also speaking of England, also joining us this week is the editor of Skeptic Magazine, project director of the Good Thinking Society, co-host of Skeptics with a K, and co-organizer of Earth's Best Skeptical Conference, Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back. Oh, do you guys have an election coming up? We have nothing about it over here. We have, I've never even heard that you have an election. I've no idea who's running. We get none of your news or information dominating our news and information 24 seven. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Is it that you would like to talk about the political situation in England more? Is that it Marsh? You want to discuss how it's going over there? I mean these days, yes. Come back to my house. You guys have got here. We've had elections.

Fair. Just take your election. Just have a shorter election. Have you guys thought of this? This is the shorter election though. We did that this time. That is true. That is true.

Yeah. This is the shortest election though we did that this time. That is true. That is true. Yeah. So tell us Marsh, other than our election, what will we be breaking down today? So we watched The Deliverance. It's the inspired by a true story of a young mother of three who has to battle demonic possession when what she'd really prefer to be doing is abusing her children, apparently. Yep. Yep. It's like the exorcist, but where the demon is only the second most evil thing in the movie.

Really? Okay. Here's the realization I had about four minutes before the end of this movie. There is a good argument to be made that this movie is about a demon's attempt to rescue children from their abusive mother. Yeah, yeah, that's very accurate. Because think about, the demon gets them taken out of the house and then beats the shit out of her. Things that I also wanted to do watching that movie. I won't spoil too much of the ending,

but at the end, she has a fight with the demon. I was rooting for the demon with my whole heart to see yep and Eli how bad was this movie well if you loved your first sleepover at a friend's house with a dysfunctional family but you wish there was actual child endangerment being used as a spooky haunted house the whole time you will love this movie it's like if you got to the end of Splash Mountain and they were like and that's what it was like to be Captain Phillips No this look this might have been the most offensive maybe it was a ghost in our Tenuous film critics and we did exorcism of Emily Rhodes Yeah, yeah, that is true critics, and we did Exorcism of Emily Rhodes. Yeah. Yeah.

That is true. And also like it says it's inspired by a true story. And that's right in the sense that it is true that she told this story to explain why her children had so many mysterious bruises. So this is a true story that she told to explain it. True lie. It's a true lie that a lady told. Exactly.

All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I want to go with best one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I want to go with best worst. Oh shit, is that the time? We better get on with this movie. Right? We get an hour in and it's just this kind of slightly boring family drama amongst very

unlikable characters. And there's not a great deal of spooky stuff going on to the point where I was starting to worry that you've made me watch another film we can't use for Gantt. I was genuinely worried about that. I mean, spooky stuff came in, rescued the whole thing, but I was worried for a while. You make Marsh watch one 90 minute documentary on Bitcoin and all of a sudden he's Mr. Shaky over here. All right, so I'm going to go with, we've already kind of touched on this, but I'm going

to go with the best worst science can't explain it, right? Because every demon movie needs a moment where that like the doctors examine them and they're like, well, there's nothing physically wrong with them at all. This movie has to reach the furthest over its shoulder to get to its ass of any movie we've ever seen do that. Yes. The Wikipedia article for the haunting this is based on has a section called Skeptical Explanation. It does. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. And I'm going to go with best worst villain as we've teased. The villain of this movie is Child Protective Services.

Yep, it is. Now, again, I just want to be clear, like, Child Protective Services is in a lot of movies trying to take kids away from a mother who isn't abusive. In this movie, Child Protective Services is taking kids away from a mother who is abusive, and they still do the spooky music when this woman shows up at the door. He should the fuck do. All right. Well, with Marcia's assurance in advance that there will be a horror movie

in here somewhere, we're going to pause for a quick break and when we come back, we'll dive into all the child endangerment that is the deliverance. Haunted house show. It's amazing. I mean, it writes itself, right? Hey, movie writers who write horror movies based on supposedly true stories. Do you? You guys got a second? Sure. Yeah, man.

What's up? I was just headed out for donuts and I couldn't help but notice that the next movie you guys are working on is about the Latoya Ammons haunting. That sure is. Yeah. So you guys are aware that that lady very clearly was just abusing her kids and used demonic possession as an excuse, right? Oh, yeah, no, of course, obviously.

Like, like they were examined by several doctors and psychologists who verified that there were not any demons that these were sick, sick kids. Yeah, yeah, and you know, even if they had believed her, demons aren't real. Yeah. Aren't real. Exactly. So what I was gonna to say is, like, if you make a movie about her story from her perspective, you will be explicitly covering for a child abuser. Yeah, man. Yeah. Got it.

Yeah. And you guys are sure there isn't a hell for us to go to? Yeah, man. We're sure. Okay. Okay. I got it. Cause if anyone deserves to go to... There is no hell, man. Got it, got it.

You guys want a donut? Oh, do they have a bear claw? Yeah, get your bear claw. Let's see, there's Pug Monthly, Pug Annual, Pug Lover magazine. Yeah, for the last time, Eli, I get it. But do you get it though? Hey guys. What are you doing?

Eli's trying to convince me to hold QED in the Pug Cafe next year. I'm saying he could double his audience. Did you hear all those magazines, Marsh? Yeah, I'm not sure that that's the crossover we're exactly looking for. But Eli, that have so many subscriptions. How do you make sure you're not being charged by a pug subscription that you don't use? Why with Rocket Money, of course. What's Rocket Money?

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Wait, they help you lower bills? They sure do, Marsh. Rocket Money automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service. Fantastic! It sure is. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year

when using all of the app's features. You know what, Eli? I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. That's rocketmoney.com slash awful movies.

Rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. All right, Eli. Thanks. Oh, did I say pug-yearly? Is that different from pug-annual? Yeah, they split over editorial differences. Ah, you hate to see it. Really do?

Mm-hmm. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a quote that doesn't have an attribution. I think it's because of racism, because the guy who said it was Chinese, but I don't know. But it's, I need forgiveness for my sins, but also deliverance from the power of sin. Yeah. It was nice though, because you knew this was Jesus-y. This was not a doll situation.

We're going full Jesus in this bad boy. Yeah. But also that court is kind of like, forgive me, but like it totally wasn't my fault. If sin is so powerful, it's not, it's not on me. Right. And then the next line that comes up on screen is, I need forgiveness for what I have done, but deliverance from what I am. And I wrote the Eli Bosnic story.

And then we get the, of course, inspired by true events claim, which is a double lie because it's Christian and a haunted house story. Yeah, that's fair. And then we get the most shocking and frightening moments of the entire fucking movie. In the credits, we see the name Glenn Close. Yeah, Glenn Close.

Eight time Academy Award nominee Glenn fucking Close. What? Like war happened. Yes! I can't even imagine. I spent the entire movie trying to imagine. Yeah, because like when Glenn Close came up, I thought, oh fuck, this might just be a good film.

Yep. Because it also comes up Omar Epps, the guy from House. I thought, okay, I know that guy as well. This is two actors that I know now. This might be a good film. This might be a worry. It isn't. It's fine. It's a terrible film.

But I was worried for a moment there. And they enter this movie like when Wizard of Oz was in color, right? Like the moments that they're in them, there are real actors, but then the camera pans back over to the other actor being like, I'll tell you what, I ain't haunted by no ghosts today, for sure. No, honestly, like generally speaking, the casting of this movie was way too good for the script of this film, you know, just even setting aside Glenn close at Omar apps. Yeah. All right. So we're starting our movie off in Pittsburgh in 2011 with this kid painting a Batman mural.

Why a Batman mural? Why? Because I had just gotten an amazing VR Batman game the previous day that I wasn't allowing myself to play because I had to watch this stupid fucking movie. So the very first scene the kids in a goddamn Batman shirt paint in a goddamn Batman mirror. He is. He puts on a VR headset. Oh wow, this is so much better than the movie you're watching. Right, but the thing is he almost could have put on a VR headset because this movie set in

the past is 2011. It's like 2011 can't be the past. That's like when London did the Olympics. That is not like set this in the past your period piece kind of thing. They've got iPhones. They will have iPhones. And not even the first iPhone. These are later model iPhones.

Yeah, right. It's set in 2011. They're already talking about needing the newest iPhone. It's so sad. And I should point out that like the demonology of this movie will reflect the modernity of this movie, right? Long gone are the days when it was like, and then things flew around the room. It's like, trust me, it was a demon. Unless I was in the basement in a fist fight with myself,

that's what I thought. Yeah, right. Right. So this, this kid, this is the youngest of three kids. This is Andre and he calls his mom up to show her his finished mural and she's like, yeah, pretty good. I guess. Fine. It's fine. Yeah. She gives him a meh. Yep. So, to the point where you assume that like, somebody died very recently and this character is supposed to still be in mourning, but no, she just doesn't give a shit about her kid's Batman mural. That's all. I mean, that's fair, because if you look at some of the characters he's drawn, one of

them is a family with what looks like their pet gingerbread man. So like, that is not great talent. Maybe she's just like, look kid, you're going to have to at some point choose your lane and like that is not great talent. Maybe she's just like, look kid, you're going to have to at some point choose your lane and this painting is not your lane. So let's not encourage this too early. Why would there be a- The flute, here's a recorder. Let's get you into some music or something. So okay. But then we cut to Glenn Close at our otherwise black church and she's just

looking like the inside of Donald Trump's drain trap with all that bronzer Oh, not a great she stands out at this evangelical church exactly like and in the same way that I stand out stood out when I Went to see the Peter pop-off show in London Demographics here I am going to be obvious yeah And unlike more she's trying to play like she's like clapping and she's like, yep, I belong here. This is also where we get our first scene with her minister and this minister seems to be faking

her way through Lazarus. Like she didn't read the homework, yes. Like she's pretty sure she knows the story of Lazarus, but she's waiting for the crowd to agree before she gives details. She's like, and Lazarus died. And everyone's like, woo. She's like, yeah, he fucking died. Exactly. Yeah. And yeah. So we get that and then we get Glenn Close eating dinner with the otherwise black

family, right? So she is, I guess, supposed to be the grandmother of this family. Her daughter is Ebony and Ebony's children are, Andre's the youngest and then the daughter Shanti is the middle kid and then Nate is the oldest son. Yeah, Nate is the kid from Stranger Things. Yeah, yeah. He's very much like carving a niche in the, in his career of just around spooky stuff.

You want Nate from, or this guy from Stranger Things. Yeah, yeah, Lucas, yeah. And this movie is so sure our dicks are gonna be blown off by a mixed family, they keep being like, that's right, you're my daughter, my blood daughter. And I'm like, yeah, man, why do you keep saying it like that? Right, but think about it then. Like Glenn Claus is white, her daughter's black, and so this lady names her black baby Ebony. That is way

on the nose for you, White Lady. Pick a different name. And it's not even like... So I spent the whole movie assuming that that was just like the name of the person that this was based on in real life, but it's not. The actor decided to rename this African American character Ebony. Yeah. All the names. So I checked. There's a black writer and a white writer on this movie. I promise you white writer handled all the names. They changed all the names and all the names are exactly what you would ask a white guy who wrote this movie to name black characters.

Ebony. A white guy who saw the first few episodes of the first series of The Wire but couldn't get into the dialogue so didn't watch any more of the rest of it. He named the characters in this. Yeah, so and we're supposed to be getting this scene where Glenn Close and her daughter, you can see that they have a troubled relationship, but the way that this writer handles that is that they just go, you know what? Fuck you. You will fuck you. Shut the fuck up!

There's zero seconds into this scene before she yells shut the fuck up at her and I was like weird Christian movie, weird. Also like the criticism shit, so this argument blows up over the food and Glenn Close apparently what she hates about the food, you know Ebony is saying oh there you go again with your too much garlic criticism. That's a weird subject for an ongoing family of food if you've overdone the clothes. But like I get it because my dad actually genuinely refused to have any garlic in the house when I was growing up, because he didn't want, quote, any of that foreign stuff in the house. Garlic does grow wild in the forest near my village, but apparently that is too far

afield for my dad's culinary tastes. Literally too far afield. Yeah. There's also this great moment here where the kid asks for another glass of milk and she's like no you're lactose intolerant and he's like I'm not lactose intolerant you're just cheap. Yeah which is a great moment until the mom abuse physically abuses him for this right. Slashes him straight in the face yeah. Yep yeah absolutely. Also it is weird that she's too cheap to give him milk. They're feeding him catfish. Is catfish with too much garlic not like that sounds like quite a pricey meal. I don't know how cheap catfish is,

but milk is pretty cheap. It's one of the cheapest staples for sure. But yeah, this is where she hits the kid. And this is where I wrote for the first, but definitely not the last time in my notes, literally anything that happens to her for the rest of the movie is fine by me. Yeah.

Well, so Glenn Close gets up all indignant and I'm like, hey, she just set up the rules that you're allowed to hit your kid and she's your kid. Hit her. Hit her. Hit her. Oh man. If she just power bombed her on the kitchen table, so many ways this movie could have been better.

I did want the child to respond to being hit the face by like shitting violently because he actually was lactose intolerant. I did want that to happen. It didn't happen, but yeah, I did want it. So, okay. So then it's that night, the sister Shantae is texting with her dad about when he's going to be home. He's stationed in Iraq. Yeah, and she's texting with the keyboard sounds and the message delivery sounds on. So this is officially a horror film by this point.

All she needs to do is be behind Marsh on the train and it's the scariest possible movie. She's also got the keyboard on her phone. It's a small detail, but the keyboard on her phone is zoomed into specifically big enough that my dad can see it from Iraq. That is how zoomed in the keyboard is. And then she, I guess she shares a room with her brothers. She goes, which one of you farted? Spoiler, that's demon fart that she's smelling there.

That's what we're setting up. Sorry, that's me. But we don't know that at this point, so it's just weird that this scene kind of comes to an end with the kids apparently having farted so badly that like loads of flies are attracted. And I thought that is... before I knew that this was leading to demon, that's a very weird detail that it's like they just fart and then attract flies is kind Of what these kids have got going on. Yes Yeah

Well look guys as long as the movie doesn't later explain why there would be flies and a bad smell in this house I think we can all agree. This is very demonian scary very demonic. Yeah. No, that's how the scene goes We hear her go who farted and then we see mom downstairs adding up bills with the calculator like you do Christian movie. Yeah. Yep. Exactly. And there are flies buzzing all over the place and we're like, wow, that was an Eli level fart. But of course, we also know that like buzzing flies fuck specifically with Eli's mezzofonia. So this movie was like revenge against Eli like by himself, right? Eli avenging himself. And they did it constantly throughout the movie.

Every time I would put my headphones back in and stop listening, like just use my computer speakers, they'd be like, oh look, the flies are back. Wah, wah, wah, wah, they're in your ears. Stop, I don't want to rip there. But it is, it's so loud, but like she just looks up and then suddenly notices. But did she not notice there were like a thousand flies just knocking around her spooky basement? She only just spotted

this. There's an entire plague of flies and they're coming from the basement. And I had the early theory that the dad was dead and rotting in the basement and all of the texts that the daughter was receiving were from his ghost. I thought that's where we're going to go with this. It isn't a good move. So much better. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and so mom sees that there are a bunch of flies, like a corpse level of flies, and she just closes the basement door. She's like, I don't want to deal with a corpse right now. I got bills to pay. Out of sight, out of mind. Very much so. So, okay. So, but late that night, Dre wakes up and he goes down to the fridge in his underwear

and chugs a whole gallon of milk. Well, he mostly pours it on the floor around him, but some of it he chugs. Yeah. So this kid, he really, really wants to drink about a third of a carton of milk, but like evenly sampled throughout the carton. That's the only exactly how much he's drinking. Right. Right.

And again, this is supposed to be the first demon thing that the demon makes him do besides fart, I guess, or make the smell. So again, my pet theory that this is about a demon trying to save a kid, right? Just waking him up being like, hey kid, you can have some milk. Your mom's a fucking asshole. Oh God, yeah. Get on down there, kiddo. I'm going to beat your mom up at the end of the movie. Eli's gonna give me a standing ovation while I beat your mom up. You just want to play at the end of this scene while he finishes drinking the milk and you

see his hair tussle a little bit. Alright, two stories and then bedtime. But then he goes downstairs, it goes outside, and he stares a bird to death? Yeah, or he sees a dead bird, which would be even less climactic. Yeah. Yeah, because the bird smashes into the window, I think, for some reason. But we don't know why. Oh, is that?

Yeah, he doesn't even blink when we see the bird smash into the window, and crack the window. It actually even cracks the window. That doesn't come back in any way, and I don't think the window's cracked at any of the point in this film. I actually't come back in any way. And I don't think the window's cracked at any of the point in this film. I actually know why that bird is there. It's part of child bird detective services. What? That's not even... The pro and bird area? Bird detective.

I don't... People are rolling at home, guys. Don't cut that. I try to cut. Oh, they're wiping tears from their eyes. If you want your child protective services t-shirt, go to child protective services. So the next day, we're going to ignore it by the way, not just the dead bird and the crack in the window and everything, but also the milk. Nobody's ever going to respond to the fact that there's not milk or that there's milk poured all over the fucking floor.

All over the floor. Like literally, like a liter of milk all over the floor. No wonder there's flies all over this house. Yes! If there's just milk being poured all over the kitchen floor and nobody does anything about it. Well, you know what? Later we're going to do that same thing, but with a dead body in this movie. So I guess the milk is not the... We'll forget about that eventually. So Ebony is now on the phone with a bill collector,

trying to talk him down or something. Right. She should have used rocket money. Yeah. And then we see the kids around the corner bullying Nate, the older brother, on his way to school. This is completely irrelevant to the larger story as well. It will not come. Yeah. No, the only reason it's worth mentioning is because later in this scene, she goes and kicks that guy in the nuts.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. The only nice thing she does for her children in the movie. And it's just a chance to be violent. She just likes hitting. Kick another child in the nuts. Yeah. So, but while she's cleaning the house up and talking to the person who's trying to repossess her car, she finds a bottle of vodka and a wad of money in Nate's closet. And the way she finds it is weird because she's trying to hang shirts on the rail in the closet. But when she tries to put one on, she can't get the shirt to go onto the rail. The

hanger doesn't go over the rails. It's like, is the bottle of vodka stopping the shirt going on the rail? Let the bottle of vodka on the shelf. Like two, three feet below. Yeah. So, but she finds it. She goes downstairs to confront Nate as he's getting home from school about it. But this is where she realizes that the bullies are picking on him. And she's like, hey, hitting my kids is my thing. Yeah. Right. Exactly. I'm the only one who's allowed to beat up my kids. Damn it.

So she goes and kicks that kid in the nuts. Yeah, she does go and just hit another child. It is a different child that she hits. Most of her character work is which child she's hitting at which point. Yeah. So she kicks that kid in the nuts, talks some shit to him.

The kick in the nuts. Did we all cheer when you kicked him in the nuts? Because the thing is- Oh, absolutely. She kicks him the ball so hard, even the soundtrack felt it because the music stopped dead at the point of impact. The guy playing the violin in the background is like, oh, she got you there. So yeah, so then she goes back and Glenn Close tells her she's being a very bad mother and I'm like, that's the best mothering she's done so far in the movie, right there. Yeah, she's like, you were a bad mom. And it's like, that actually doesn't preclude

you from being a bad mom. Like I'm sure your mom was a bad mom because you're you, but that also, that you can stop being a bad mom. Doesn't excuse your bad momery. Yeah. But Ebony tells Glenn that her Christianity is bullshit real quick. Then she'll do that a few more times before it's over. And then Ebony goes out back for a joint. Now, Dre, the younger son, is demon chanting to an invisible friend and it takes mom way too long to acknowledge this. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. But in fact, we hear the fly sound effect at the same time, which makes it seem like the kid is just having a chat with some flies. Like the flies have moved in, he's making friends, he's like being neighborly.

I think that's what I assumed was happening here. Yeah. Fly old protective service. Okay. That's slightly better. That's closer. We're getting there. We'll iterate our way into a pun.

I'll have a joke by the end of this podcast yet, damn it. So, okay. So then we cut to the family watching TV. Public domain movies is their favorite genre. They're watching public domain movies and they know them all by heart? They've memorized this movie from like the 60s or whatever. Yeah. Oh, good. It's so rough watching Glenn Close do this and just doing any of the script,

like every line that she says is terrible, to the point where I came up with a new theory at this point, which is that Glenn Close is actually possessed by a demon, like in real life, not the character book in real life. And that's how she ended up with this. Okay. All right. Yeah. This is the demon's version of turning her head 360 degrees. Siskel's final revenge. Right. So yeah, so they do some lines from this movie and this is where Ebony's like, hey Shantae, maybe we can't afford to do your birthday this year. And Shantae yells at her for being poor and goes upstairs.

They will actually afford to do her birthday this year. So this scene is really just another chance for the movie to show us that Ebony is a bad mom. Yes. And terrible with money. Absolutely terrible with money. Yeah. So okay.

So that night we get Dre going down into the basement to check out whatever rotting ass corpse is drawing flies to it. Again, like we've seen characters now three times go, wow, a lot of flies in the basement. Better close that door, right? Then we get mom coming downstairs and just like looking around to see if maybe there's a horror movie going on here. Damn it, is there a plot down here, no?

She's strafing around the house like she's in a first person shooter. At some point she's like moving sideways. It's a very old way of getting around, yeah. Corner peaks. But also there's a moment here where she's like, the basement door is open, but it was closed just a moment ago. And we're like, really, is that what we're going for? Is that what we've got so far? A child drinking milk he's not allowed and a door that was open.

Yes. Yeah. So, okay. Then we cut to Glenn Close trying on different wigs. This is where we sort of where we surprise everybody with the she has cancer moment. Yeah, we got cancer mom, Christian movie. We're taking all the boxes here. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. So she we get her she she goes in for her chemo where she flirts with Omar Epps for

a bit. She sexually harasses Omar Epps homophobically. Yeah. Oh, you a bit. She sexually harasses Omar Epps homophobically. Yeah. Oh, you're right. She does. She says, ask me out or you're gay. And Omar Epps is like, I would like a dick to suck. And it's such a weird moment because like there's other cancer patients in the cancer

ward and they are just being pissy about the fact that she's showing off too much cleavage while receiving clemo. And do those come, I assume those conversations don't happen, that people are like, catty about how attractive the other cancer patients look. Oh God. I love, Marge, that you accidentally said clemo, which is like the cleavage version of chemo. Clemo, yeah.

That's what she gets. I don't know much about chemo, but if they put you next to other people that you have to make small talk with, I would like to argue right now that that is the worst part of having cancer. So yeah, so she goes to leave after she gets a date with Omar apps and they stop her to tell her she's behind on her chemo payments. And I'm like, yeah, Marge, this is how it works. They repo the chemo.

This is the scariest bit of this fucking movie that you're going to see. The American healthcare system. Oh yeah, absolutely. But we don't even get a good, accurate representation of the American healthcare system because it turns out she's off our insurance and the daughter's been paying out of pocket for chemo. And we find out her daughter works at a salon. Just a perfectly good job, but it's not pay out of pocket for chemotherapy level work, I don't imagine.

Sure the fuck isn't. Yeah. Well, and as she's going out, she's like, oh, it must be the Medicare. They're like, oh, we don't take Medicare. It's been your daughter that's been paying for it. And I'm like, instead of using Medicare, this is just dumb. Like, I'm sorry. Like, I know she likes this chemo, but unless you've got the money to do it, that's just dumb.

This one's like six blocks closer to the house. You understand? That's why I have to deny my daughter a birthday party. Yes. Right. So, okay. Then we see Ebony walking home late that night and Glenn has to confront like, so now that we know that Glenn Close has cancer She can look like it right? Yeah, she can be dressed like she has cancer She's dressing extra cancer as well just to make the point at this point Yeah, yeah, and we've also established at this point that Ebony is an alcoholic, so she's coming home drunk, but she's like it's okay I didn't drive. I walked home. So it's so it all right. And I'm like, well, that was very responsible of her.

So I think the movie wanted us to give way more credit for that than we thought. Like this abuse like we were supposed to be like, look, she might physically abuse her children and be financially irresponsible. But she took an Uber. Yes. Yeah. Did not drunk drive. Yeah. Protagonists. Yeah. So Glenn confronts her about making her chemo payments and she's like, how dare you? And she's like, I did.

And she's like, oh, that's, I guess that's the scene then they didn't write any more dialogue for us. Will this affect other moments in the movie? No, we'll actually never talk about it again. Oh, no. So Ebony goes upstairs, she passes out and she dreams that more interesting shit is happening in the movie. And they only left this in because this is one of the few things that were reported by

the actual true, like the true case was like, oh, I was lying down once and I had a dream someone was in my house. So you know, demonic possession and not just regular dream, just a regular dream. You're telling me dreaming about a person isn't perfect evidence of demonic possession, Marc? I mean, sometimes skepticism goes too far. Where's your curiosity? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, where's your nickel when you need it? Yeah. Yeah, well, and she runs out of the bedroom with a bat yelling, who's in my house? And I'm like, well, Glenn, close and you're three children. So be careful with that fucking bat. Yeah. You know that there are four other people living here, plus a whole lot of flies as well. So I actually, at this point, because we're seeing the flies again, I had a new theory that she's paying for all that chemo by illegally subletting the basement to all

those flies. All those flies are paying rent. Well, that would make sense because as she walks by, she literally mumbles to herself, damn basement door. And then she shuts it again. But once again, she doesn't check on the source of the fly. She just locks the door and then she goes to vomit in the sink in case this wasn't unpleasant enough to listen to. It's a very casual vomit as well. It's not like, oh, there's a sink here.

I might as well make use of it. Like she couldn't help it in, but it was just convenient. I could vomit. I could vomit right now. Well, I'm at the vomitorium. Have a cheeky little vomit then, or not. Ah, you've been a good girl. Have a little vomit.

That's Andy. Oh, okay. I'll have a little vomit. That's Andy. I don't know why. But then she gets done with her vomit and she looks up and Nate, her oldest son, is just staring weirdly at her and he wants to know where the fuck is what, and money is. Right? Right. So she's like, well, where'd you get money from? And he's like, I just, I had my dad send it to me probably.

We don't know. It doesn't fucking matter to the movie. And then she hits him again. He hits her back. Nice. Yep. Then Dre runs in to help his brother and he falls over and hits himself. Which I assume he slipped on a puddle of milk.

Yes. Oh, right. Right. Probably. And look, this is not intended to be a hilarious series of Rube Goldberg injuries, but that's what it is, though. I wanted every single member of the cast to walk into that room and fall over. Like Glenn Close comes in, Omar Epps comes in, just every single person.

Just a big pile on the floor. My cooking oil! Each of the flies comes in and somehow falls over. Mew, mew, yeah. It's really hard to trip them. You've got six legs. You've got to trip each leg independently. More like slide protective services, am I right? But here's the other thing about all these scenes, right?

All these scenes are very clearly this abusive mom's excuse that she later made up, right? She hit her kids, right? She threw her kids around the kitchen. She deserves the death penalty. And now these movie makers are making it like part of their spooktacular. I can't emphasize enough how much I dislike that. Yeah, no, it's straight up fucking evil. Yeah, it really is.

They might as well make a movie about how like the Jews keep getting pushed into these ovens at our friendly day camp. Yeah, but so then we get the next scene where she gives Nate his money back. Apparently she did just steal her kid's fucking money. Yeah. Yeah. She puts it in his bedside drawer. His drawer, I counted, his drawer contains nine Crayola crayons and a condom. That is mixed messages if ever I see.

For you maybe. Right. But, but this is supposed to be a redeeming moment for her, for her like, right, she's got all these bills, but even then she didn't steal any of her kid's money. Okay. Yeah. She comes in, she apologizes for being an abusive alcoholic. So you know, she's trying.

Yeah. Almost in those words as well. The dialogue is so bad in this entire thing. The entire drama here feels so reductive. It feels like they took inspiration from American fiction, but only from the fake book that Monk publishes as a satire on the Flac experience. Oh, that's what we're watching. We're watching the film adaptation of that book. Adaptation of his book, yes.

Tyler Perry passed on this one. So then we get like, I guess they've called somebody about the flies. So we get the guy who goes down into their basement to get the rotting cat corpse out. Yeah. Which would explain the flies then. Yep. Perfect. Like why did nobody look to see where all the flies in the basement are coming from?

Yeah, absolutely. Well, and then the guy comes out and he's like, it'll be $60. And they're like, we don't have $60. And he's like, I'm going to put the dead cat back then. And I'm like, well, well now they know it's a dead cat and where it is. This isn't fucking Ghostbusters. sure put it back yeah I think they should just follow him in as soon as they put it on the floor they just pick it straight back up again yes it's just like a trash bag now I owe you $60 but

mom doesn't have the money Nate's like well you don't put the dead cat back there I'll give you $60 out of my wad of money and just as he's getting the But mom doesn't have the money. Nate's like, well, don't put the dead cat back there. I'll give you $60 out of my wad of money. And just as he's getting the money for the, for the guy who should pull up outside, but Mo'Nique. Yuck! Child Protective Services is here to break up this super chill family. Yes, exactly.

So Mo'Nique plays the character of Cynthia, who is, I guess, mom was in jail and she's like on probation or something, and Cynthia is the child protective services social worker that is looking after her kids. And we learn in this scene that like, mom moved without telling Cynthia where she was going. Yeah, I believe the court calls that fleeing. Yes, fleeing.

Exactly. Right. But Glenn Close, like when Cynthia comes in, like Glenn Close bows up like she's going to kick Monique's ass, right? But she storms out, all the kids come in, and then this is where we have the first of several, hey, would you like to explain all these bruises on your children moments of the movie? Which is such a weird thing because like,

are we meant to think, because she tries to say, oh, I don't know where this came from, this came from somewhere else and this was school, but like, we have seen her beating her kids. We've seen you hit your kids! Are we meant to think like, oh, she's telling the truth, but it looks bad, because like, we saw you doing each of these things,

you punched your kid in the face at one point. Right. The movie doesn't want us to sympathize with child protective services. What they want us to do is watch this scene and go, well, child protective services isn't giving this actually abusive parent nearly enough credit for the hitting she's not doing. But I don't know that they are.

Okay, because like, if that's what they wanted to do, then they could show these kids getting these injuries. Yeah. But we don't know what they are. So the Cynthia turns to Shantae and goes, hey, what are all those bruises on your arm? And we look and it looks like somebody's grabbed her by the arm really hard, but we never saw that happen. Yeah, I have no idea what those were.

If they're setting up that that was a demon, show that. Yes. Or if they're setting up that it's the mom, show that. But it's a mystery to us. We're meant to be the ones who actually are sympathetic here. Yeah, it's awful filmmaking. This is how desperate this movie is to make the CPS lady look bad. At one point, they do this long lingering shot of her putting her feet up on the furniture. Like we're supposed to be

like pretty rude. Yeah, right. Really shoes on the couch. Yeah. While you're trying to protect these children. Isn't it a reclining chair as well though? It is a recliner. It's like it's going close as reclining chair.

Yeah, that is what that chair is meant to be. It's not even feet on the bed. Yeah, it's not even shoes on the bed level root. Because, again, while this woman was being interviewed or whatever for this movie, and she was like, oh, and you know another thing that was rude about child protective services when they were stopping me from abusing my kids? She put her feet up. Yep. Yep. Like she lived there. Come on. Guest. So yeah, but she's asking about the bruises and why is Andre all hunched over like somebody

hit him in the stomach last night. She's like as he slipped on a fly and some milk, it was a, we saw it was a Rube Goldberg thing. And then Cynthia goes to leave and there's some lady that we've never met, like a parked across the street staring at them. She'll be important or something. She'll make sure this is a horror movie, damn it. Yeah, like I swear there's a horror movie in this shit somewhere,

but I'll be damned if we're going to find it before we take our first break because we're already there and not a goddamn thing has happened. Maybe something will happen when we return for even more of... The Deliverance. Okay, what about this then? Nah, I think he's got one of those. Hey guys, whatcha doin'? Oh, hey Noah, we were just setting up to do our holiday shopping, but all these gift websites are kinda samey.

Yeah, it all feels like just cheap plastic crap, really. Yeah, or drop shipped cheap plastic crap. Yeah. I kinda wish there was a website where you could get like, you know, homemade and unique gifts from an actual person, not a company. Well, why don't you try Uncommon Goods? You mean like... Body parts of dead celebrities? No! I don't mean that. This is their first ad on the show.

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So first and last night then, yeah? Yeah, probably. For rebelling against heaven Lucifer I cast you down to hell. Oh no I'm gonna burn and fire forever what a terrible punishment. Oh no no you you won't you won't no. Sorry sorry what now? Yeah no you, you're not going to burn. You're mostly going to trick humans and then you burn them. Oh, okay. But, but I won't be able to because I no longer have my angelic powers. So I'll spend eternity wishing I could take my- No, no, you're still going to have your powers.

Really? I'm keeping my powers. Oh yeah. Well, in fact, actually you get a whole bunch of new demon powers, right? Possession, flies, moving stuff around. Huh. So I will have more powers than when I was an angel. Oh yeah. No, angels are just gonna mostly sit

up here and you know watch you do your thing. Because you'd think they'd like intervene more right like there'd be like blessed houses where good things happen to people. No you wouldn't think that but no just uh just the bad stuff. Ah okay well look hey at least you're still in control of Earth, right? So I'm going to have to scrap for every- No, actually only at the very end I'll be- otherwise it's going to be all you, my guy. Okay. Well then, thank you.

Yep. Thanks? Yeah, I guess. Thanks. See ya. See- yeah, see you. Teach him to rebel. And we're back from where the shit we're going to rejoin the action with that

birthday party that we've all been looking forward to. This is one of the two scenes with Omar Epson. And he's there to sing for Glenn Close. Yeah. And I have to point out that this was such a wild tone shift scene to scene. Like I know we took a little break in the middle of it, but I do have to point out that like they go from this tense moment of like child services leaving the house to happy birthday to you. It's also, it's doing that annoying thing where some of the people singing happy birthday

see that as their moment to shine. So they're all doing their own little kind of harmonizing here or riffs. Yeah, they're fucking riffing on it. Yeah, it's terrible. Also, it's one of those like kids birthday parties that happens seemingly at night in the pitch black because this is like the dead of night that they seem to be happening. And it's on a weekday, right? Because like immediately after they sing happy birthday, she starts sending the kids to bed telling them they got school tomorrow

It's like it's Shantae's fucking birthday party. Yeah, but you've just blown the candles out She hasn't even had the cake and now she's off to bed Yeah Also, well this there's a character who appears in this scene that never appears in the rest of the movie Does she intimate that she jerks people off for a living? So that's what I got from it. So let me say something that I'm very uncomfortable saying. They're playing craps at this child's birthday party.

Yes, well, they're playing Dyson. And when she wins, right, the older brother Nate is like, hey, how do you keep winning? And she makes the jerk off gesture, and she's like, honey, how do you keep winning? And she makes the jerk off gesture and she's like, Honey, don't you know what I do for a living? And says something about her hands. It makes her hands slippery or something. Yeah.

Does that make you better at craps jerking people off? Because am I amazing at craps? Not because like later she says to the mom that when she's leaving, she says, I've got a job to get to, which is sex, that opens at 9am. And I had to go back and put the subtitles on and she says, Saks. S-A-K-S. Like Saks. Yeah, Saks the Family.

Yeah. Well, I don't know what that is. What is that? And how does that... Jerks people off at Saks? It's like Woolworths. Oh, okay. I have no idea what Saks was.

The only thing I could be comfortable with is that it wasn't sex, or at least wasn't called sex. That's all I had. Yeah. Yeah, so she apparently jerks people off at a department store for a living, and that makes her good at crap. I don't know. I was going to leave it out, Eli, because it was so inexplicable that I didn't want to broach it. And it never matters to the movie. No, we don't see that person again at any point it never again. I look I've never said yes to those ladies with the perfume Maybe they jerk you up I gotta look around my local sex and see if

Maybe if Kamala wasn't afraid to let business and free enterprise take root am I right? It's pronounced. Am I right, everybody? But so also there's a moment here where like Omar Epps and Glenn Closer in the kitchen having the the casting director knows that you're not black, right? Conversation again. So funny. They've done this twice in the movie.

Yeah. Is she your daughter daughter or writer might as well just wander into frame. Blah! Family. Although what I will say is like, you know, Omar Epps is desperately trying to fuck Glenn Claus and he doesn't care which of the tweens near him know about this at any point in the first day of party. But fair play to the movie that it's got a 26 year age gap, but it's the guy who is 26

year younger. At least that is, that is fairly progressive. But yeah, I get it. So we all saw a fatal attraction and made some choices. So but then in the middle of their conversation, there's a pounding at the basement door and it's Dre and he looks all demon possessed. He's been like slamming his head against the basement door. That's the implication, yeah.

People seem very relaxed about that. They're like, oh, Dre, what are you doing? Come on. So he's got a little welt on the front of his head where he's slamming his head in the door. Right, right. And again, this is the story that she told, you know, why did he have that great big injury

on his fucking forehead? Yeah. And again, to be clear, she's like, why are you doing that? And he's like, oh, Trey in the basement told me to. And she's like, I have no follow up questions. You're in trouble. Go back to bed. Yep. A friend basically responds like, your son's an idiot.

Is the amount of concern that we have? Yes. Yes. The professional jerk off person that works at Saks is like, your kids always banging their head against the door and talking about demons named Trey. Not going to get a jerk off internship if you're doing that kind of stuff. So, but then the kids all go to bed, mom drinks too much and we have the whole like, you know, she, she wants to party, but everybody else is like, I've got a

job at sex to go to tomorrow. Yeah. And it's like, now is her chance to get vodka wasted and grind on guys at your child's birthday party. There's always nobody there. Really wanted it to cut over to like two tweens being like, your mom and my dad seem to be getting along.

I wish a demon would come along and rescue us from this situation. Yeah, right. But then Andre's standing around in the house after everybody leaves looking creepy and stuff. So she yells at him for being mentally ill while she's trying to party more. And that's that scene. OK, so that's that scene. So then it's that night she's in bed when the demon starts banging on the door

some more. So so she responds by running into her kid's room with a baseball bat. Right. Yeah. This is three out of three nights in a row she is burst out of her room ready to fight a noise in her house. Yep. With a baseball bat. Yeah. And it's so weird because she's like she's running around doing this and we were meant to think that this is like, oh god, the house all abandoned. But it's not abandoned because we see Omar Epps is leaving, like having just left the house now in the middle of the night. So we're supposed to have assumed that he's just been fucking Glenn Close this entire time throughout the end of the... Enough for Ebony to go to sleep and wake up again.

Yes. Right. Right. And that's clearly what the banging was, right? It is, absolutely. So yeah, so Glenclose sends Omar away and then she hears the kids yelling upstairs. They're like, grandma, come help us. So she runs in and they have this very long moment where like, very clearly Ebony is supposed to have hit the kids in some way, but the movie's trying to offer up a bunch of suspense about that or what did or did not happen. Yeah, and this is not suspenseful.

Yeah, again, it's abuse apologetics as horror movie. Right. Yeah. And it's not suspenseful at all because none of the characters are saying that they know what happened. They're all like, oh, I don't know what's happened. But neither do we. We didn't see it.

Right. So it's like the Hitchcock thing about suspense being where there's a conversation with characters at the table and there's a bomb under the table and the characters don't know that the bomb's there. But in this situation, neither do we. Right. Right. Right. Nobody is aware of the bomb. Right. So like we spent a very long time with Glenn Close going, so Nate, what happened? And he's like, I don't know. And Shantae, what happened? I don't know. And Andre, what

happened? I don't know. We get that for a while, but the Batman mural is all smashed up and the kids are all beat up is what we do know. Right. Right. So trust us. Something interesting happened, but we don't know what it was. So next day, granny's driving them somewhere because she's decided they're not safe around the mom and mystery lady that was sitting in her car staring at them when they were arguing with the child protective services lady, sorry, I'm doing a very bad job of keeping you up with these characters. This character, her name is Apostle Bernice. She is following them as Granny's driving them away.

Yes. And this is a sinister moment. But the sinister thing here is just a black person driving. Like who wrote this film? A white cop. So, okay. So now we've got to have the moment where the kids, the kids are all in school and they all start acting demon crazy at the same time.

Right. But again, there's nothing supernatural about it. They're just abused children acting out in school. Even here in the movie about their behavior, this is the behavior of traumatized abused children. Yes. It absolutely is, yes. Yeah, so Nate is learning about the racism of our national response to AIDS and he starts laughing very inappropriately.

He got the giggles in school? So wait, the demon was going down his list. He was like, all right, let's see. This guy's gonna float in the air. That guy over there, he's gonna pass through walls and I'll say a bunch of stuff about dead relatives and let's just give Nate the giggles what do you say? As long as it's at a super inappropriate time. Yeah, inappropriate part of the history.

Yeah, we want it to be. Shantae's demonic thing is menstruating all over the place apparently. Having a period. Yep, and Andre Takes his shit in the middle of his classroom and throws it at the teacher and then eats some Yeah is what he does. Mm-hmm The deal that I feel like Nate got it off easy here. Oh, yeah Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Also that didn't in the real story, at least according to the Wikipedia, so we're

to make that up seeing as Andre is now 21 years old. Yeah, right! Andre's going to see it with his family, he's just constantly turning to everyone in the theatre. That's made up, they did that for the movie, everyone. We see him like shit and then throw it at his teacher. Later we found out that he ate it, so we didn't see that. They it at his teacher. Later we found out that he ate it. So we didn't see that.

So they didn't even need to like force us to hear that he ate it. They didn't have to include that detail at all given that it wasn't true and we didn't see it happen. Right. Well, my guess is that the writer assumed that we were going to see that awesome part where the kid ate his poop and then the MPAA was like, no, you're not going to say that. So yeah, so then we get, we cut to Ebony at work getting a very awkward call from the school.

Yeah. And this is a phone call from an unknown caller, which is so far the scariest thing in this movie. So, okay. So she goes to the hospital and like we see all the kids getting various medical examinations and this is where we got my best worst, right? The doctor turns to her and she's like, well, you know, we ran all the tests, your kids are fine, they have no psychological issues whatsoever.

If there's a problem, it can only be supernatural, right? Because they have to have this, they have to have this moment where science can't explain it but like science can explain it. The children are terribly abused and they're acting out in a way that's very predictable when you suffer that level of abuse, right? But the movie can't just point that out because it kind of ruins some fucking movie. Right. Exactly. This scientific explanation is that like one of the kids got the giggles in an inappropriate time. The other kids who lives in poverty came on her period at a time that she wasn't expecting

and wasn't prepared for and her other kid and the third kid threw his shit around, which is bad. But like having a shit is not supernatural. Throwing it is weird, but also not supernatural. You don't need to be ghost infused to throw shit. Oh, sure. Now you say a it's not supernatural. But during matriarch, you're all bar the doors and where's the holy water? I'm just saying

one side of your mouth and the other. So yeah, so but science tells her this seems like a very ordinary poop throwing to me. And just then I had to pause the fucking movie because Lucinda walked in to bring my lunch to me. And what she's staring at is Glenn Close with her fucking Donald Trump bronzer with 37 crosses in each earring with a subtitle that reads and I quote, doctor, my son ate his own shit today. Yeah. So that was, that was a fun one to explain. I love that the doctors send him home from this as well.

I'm 99% sure that if your son spontaneously ate his own shit in the middle of a lesson, the doctors wouldn't take a wait and see kind of approach. Also like she gets incredibly confrontational with this doctor and the doctor's like, oh, oh, you want to have like a serious talk about your kid's health. Should we talk about their bruises? And she's like, pass. Change of scene. Change of scene. Yes! Scene is over. And again, I truly do not know who the movie wanted me to sympathize with that moment. I know who I sympathized with. Yeah. Well, okay, so then they're leaving the hospital and then Glenn Close has to like have

it out with Ebony for being too violent with her kids, which plays out approximately like this. She says, Ebony, you're too violent. And Ebony says, I'm gonna kick your ass for saying that. Yes. This conversation ends with, and I apologize because it's wildly offensive, but it's you're just like all the other white people reporting on child abuse. Yes. Yes. Yup. Is that a thing other minorities dislike us for because I'm actually willing to own that Yeah, yeah a lot of reasons to dislike white people. That's not

So, okay, so that night Ebony's shampoo and Drey's hair when the phone rings Glenn Close can't get the an answer because she's busy hanging up a demon ward crucifix. This just ridiculously oversized crucifix that she's hanging up. Matthew- Oh god, it's so funny. Matthew- Yeah, it's ludicrous. Jared- So Ebony has to run and get the phone. It's the hospital telling her she owes $30,000 for all the shit throwing exams that her kids just got. Matthew- Which means she'll have to do a few more haircuts at this best-paid salon of all

time apparently. Yeah, exactly. No kidding. But as she's like, harrumping her way away, Glenn Close stops her and says, Hey, the Lord doesn't give you more than you can handle. Yeah. Says the lady with cancer whose medical treatments are driving her daughter into poverty right now. That is the plot so far. Yeah. Also, really seems like the Lord is giving her more than she can handle. the plot so far. Yeah. Yep. Also, really seems like the Lord is

giving her more than she can handle. She sure fucking does. Yeah. She's certainly not handling it well. Well, and she says, and I quote, enough with the Jesus bullshit for one night. And I hate to side with abusive mom, but that is the correct answer in this moment, right? It is, but I think it's only like the second time she's mentioned Jesus in the entire film. Because she's not that religious at any point until now. Like the mom seems to... We saw her, she was at church in like the first scene. And that's the last time she did anything Jesusy until now.

Yeah, true. So Ebony goes to try to take down the cross because, you know, it's her fucking house. But Granny Glenn ain't having none of that shit. Oh, it's great. Ebony says to her, this is a fix, man. It's like, no, it's a crucifix. You almost said it. Close. Maybe that's what they call it. The kids. Is that slang? The fix. Here's my fix.

So, but Ebony goes back up to the bathroom to finish shampooing Dre's hair and she finds Nate drowning Dre in the bathtub because he's demon possessed. Again another thing that didn't happen in the real story. I just I'm picturing this family standing okay hi everyone I did not try to drown my brother really carried away my mom's lies here I say no it's weird to be like oh don't tell lies about my mom's lies here. I was just saying, you know, it's weird to be like, oh, don't tell lies about my mom's lies. But I did not try to murder my brother. The drowning scene goes on for way too long as well,

because the entire time, Andre isn't drowning. So I just thought, God, this kid can really hold his breath. Yeah, that was very impressive. If he survives this whole thing, he should go into like swimming of some sort. Yeah, fuck it. He's got athlete in him. Kate Winslet's got nothing on him.

Do you know that kid's full name is actually Dravid Blaine? Oh, there he is. Woof, man. We really need Heath back now. Dravid Blaine is great! So, okay, but... If I don't scream that my jokes are good after I do them, some people won't know. So yeah, but again, so yes, this fucking movie, yet again, is just actors playing out increasingly

unlikely excuses this lady made for her kids' bruises. Speaking of which, the next scene is Cynthia showing up to check on the kids again. And of course, the movie's supposed to play it out like, oh, Child Protective Services always showing up at the most inconvenient times when a demon innocently abused your kids while you weren't looking. Yeah, we're supposed to sympathize with, I'd prefer if you look in on my children's welfare a different time. Yeah. Yeah, she tries to do the no thank you on the doorstep to Child Protective Services.

She totally does. Like the Jehovah's Witnesses. I do not consent to, that's nothing. Nothing you're the doorstep. She totally does. Like the Jehovah's Witnesses. I do not consent to a, that's nothing. Nothing you're saying is anything. This isn't a random inspection. Your kids were literally just in the hospital being investigated for all sorts of signs of trauma and abuse. Right.

This is a very well-scheduled appointment. Yes, exactly. And so, Cynthia finally pushes her way in the door and Ebony's like, okay, it's the house's fault. The house has been beating my kids up. Yeah, and she says, I keep hearing things. But like, Ebony says that, oh, I've been hearing things. But no, no, she isn't, or if she is,

she hasn't mentioned that to us at any point in this movie. Why can't they tell us? Right, she says at this point, she's like, the other night, Andre was speaking a foreign language and said that a ghost told him to kill himself. And I'm like, well, that sounds like a scene that you should have included in your fucking horror movie. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. He said, Andre said this little boy told him he should kill himself. No, he didn't. He absolutely did not. We've been here the whole time. I rewound it to see if I could find it. Yeah. Ghost meant to kill Andre, he could kill

himself. He's going through a lot right now. So then Cynthia tells us her tragic backstory about her dead son. No relevance to the larger film at all. Yeah. Right. I guess she just felt like she should get a dramatic monologue too. And once she wraps that up, Glenn Close comes downstairs with a baseball bat to threaten this woman for trying to protect her grandchildren from their abusive mother.

Yeah. And again, I think the movie wants us to think that's good. Yes, that Glenn Close is standing up for her kid. By threatening child protective services with a baseball bat. And then they say like, oh, when child protective services leave, Glenn Close and Ebony are talking, they're saying, oh, they're going to take our babies. Well, now you've threatened violence on CPS, they will, like a hundred percent. Yeah, you didn't make it better. The next step is the police.

Right. Also, they should take away your babies. Please do. Yes. So then we get a scene where Glenn closes go into her minister to try to justify the film's inclusion in our show a little bit. Don't worry. She will.

I want to point out that this is one of the only real moments in the movie. So grandma did go to her local church and was like, Hey, my kids are full of demons. That's why they're missing so much school in the past. He was like, No, I'm not that brand of liar. Right. They had to go with a different one. No, they're like, you're, you're not Catholic. What the fuck are you talking about? This doesn't, we don't even have this. So, okay. So meanwhile, Ebony is at the bar being an alcoholic. And as she leaves the bar, fucking apostle Bernice, the character that has just been like sitting in a car across the way staring ominously at them here and there.

She finally confronts Ebony and says, it's time for me to make sense. It's time for this to be a horror movie. We are more than an hour in. We need to get to some actual exercising. We really blew our wad on you hitting your kids for the first half of this show. We find out that this lady who's been following this, Bernice, is like a door-to-door exorcist? Like the littlest hobo but for demons. She is though.

Because she, Ebony goes to walk away and Bernice says, your kids aren't sick. There's an evil spirit in your house. And she's like, oh, that is a great excuse. I could probably get a movie deal with that. Ooh, that sounds great way for me not to have my kids taken away. Yeah. And she explains why she didn't get involved sooner. She said, I just needed to confirm my suspicion before I intervened. But like that confirmation of suspicion apparently included

letting a kid almost drown. If Andre had drowned, she'd be like, yeah, it's demons. I've got it now. We can do something. Definitely demons. Okay. I'm going to do one for three. One for three.

The shit throwing probably should have been enough for me. Yeah. But yeah, they go to McDonald's together and she goes... It's so funny that it's never plugged. Weird plug. Do you think that was a fit? Because this is on Netflix. Yep.

So someone had to call Netflix. I assume they do a bunch at once. And they were like, okay, so here's all the McDonald's we have in the movies. Oh, we're doing a horror movie, Deliverance. She's going to tell about another family dying over a McFlurry. Do you want the McFlurry turd? No, just the cop? Okay, just the cop.

I really wanted to be like an overly thick milkshake. And she kept like interjecting the story with like a... Just been struggling to get it up the straw. Yeah, you gotta like smoosh it around a bit. Let it warm up a bit and then it'll be fine. No wonder the ice cream machine's always broken. It's got to make it through the cement, am I right? Oh, we have fun. So yeah, so she goes, they're sitting there, having their McDonald's. She goes, I'm an

apostle. And it's like, what was the conversation while you were getting your food? You guys were in line together. Twelve piece. I want a twelve piece. She goes, I'm an apostle. And I'm like, what a great time to stop taking a person seriously. And as I'm writing this, she goes, a prophet, an evangelist. I'm like, as though to emphasize my point. An Avenger.

emphasize my point. An Avenger. So she's like a family died in that house of yours before. I have a picture of them. She's like weird thing for you to have a picture of. And so now she's going to tell us the story of the family wide axe murder that happened there before. Yeah. And this actor, the one who plays the mom who axe murders her whole family, that's Dominic Tony, Dominique Tony, who I went to school with at NYU. I texted her when she came up and I was like, hey, we're reviewing the movie you were in. And she was like, oh, I'll listen to the review.

And I was like, don't. Don't do that. Don't do that. No, we shouldn't do that. She wields an axe well. I've got to say that. Oh, yeah. Yes, yeah. No, she nailed it. Yes. Yeah. We shouldn't do that. She wields an axe well. I've got to say that.

Yes. She nailed it. Yes. Fantastic. So, and then they, okay, there's this great moment where they justify the title of the movie, right? Because she goes, are you telling me my son needs an exorcism? She's like, no, that is trademarked.

He needs and they go and she explains that it's a deliverance that he needs and there's like some weird stupid theological minutiae that they explain as though we give a shit to differentiate between an exorcism and a deliverance. Yes. Nothing like a horror movie to take the same side about demonology as Greg Locke's documentary. Yes. Yeah, specifically she says, I don't do no exorcisms. I don't need no intercessor. Jesus Christ is my intercessor.

It's like, okay, but sounds like you do need an intercessor. You do. It's Jesus Christ. You just made your intercessor. You have one, yeah. She also says, if you act in the authority of Jesus Christ, you can touch your body. And I wrote, spoken like a true member of the clergy. And while she's telling this story and explaining the difference between an exorcism and deliverance,

we cut to like Glenn Close smelling some stinking death in the basement and going to check it out. Oh yeah. Does this smell come and go or is it there the whole time? And like, they just get used to it, like a smell like, they go out, they come back. Oh God, yeah, the death smell. I keep forgetting about that. Yeah, right. I just do it over time.

I'm nose blind, you see. Yeah. So, but Glenn Close picks up a Bible defensively and then gets beaten to death by a demonic tween. Which again, did not happen. What a huge plot point to include in your base Soda True story that Dre, while under the influence of a demon,

killed his grandmother. He's standing up in the theater going, all right guys, this is worse I guess, than if you only don't believe one thing, believe the poop thing and not this thing. And when she is being attacked, Glenn Close does have the expression of a respected actor who just got to this bit of the script. So that's acting, that expression on her face.

And the devil speaks in Dre's voice here. My question is, and it's a brave one, is that problematic? What race is the devil? Oh, interesting. I mean, he's both, I mean, at least in Utah, he's white and delightsome. Right? So I feel like he got back down to hell and they were like, oh, so you did a little AAVE. He's like, yeah, did you like that? I talked like they talk. And it was like, eh, maybe skip it next time.

It's tricky because like, on the one hand, possession, like possession, the demon is that person, but it is, possession, like possession, the demon is that person, but it is, they're also like, it's got to be appropriation because you are appropriating their body. So I think it's problematic. I think it would come down to design a problem. But then is it even more problematic if he's like, it is I, Balfazard. It's like, that's not how Dre talks.

And it's like, well, I think we all express ourselves in different ways. Either that or it'd be more problematic if the demon only went for white people so to avoid having to change their vernacular. Reverse racism, Satan. Yeah, exactly. It's like, it's like, you know, can actors from one culture play actors from different culture or is that problematic? It's the same with demons.

It very much is. Like, well, this demon is Korean. Should it really be like inhabiting a Japanese person or is that a problem? Why does Satan have a Martin Luther King quote on his Facebook? This is weird. So yeah, but then of course, this is where we learn that the kid who died that was demon-possessed from the other family, his name was Trey, the same name as the ghost that Dre has been hanging out with.

Don't have them called Dre and Trey because that's too confusing. Right. It's so dumb. Yeah. And Shantae, the sister, she goes by Tay. So there's a Dre, a Trey, and a Tay in this fucking movie and there didn't need to be. But Ebony storms off. She's like, no, it's not act three yet.

And Apostle Lady is like, take my number. It'll be act three in just a second. So I guess that's basically the movie grabbing us by the ears, making hard eye contact, and saying it is to a Christian horror movie, which gives us an opportunity for a break. But first, let me give Act Three the hard sell. Will the kids get the psychological help

they so desperately need? Will they be permanently removed from Ebony's custody? Will Apostle Lady even successfully exorcise their demons? No! No on all fucking three, but keep watching anyway for the more damning than damned conclusion of The Deliverance. Now remember, do not let the demon get into your head. He will know things he shouldn't know, but you cannot give in to him.

You got it, Father. Daddy? Daddy, help me! Daddy is here, son. Well, look who it is, Padre. Vile spirit, you will leave this place! By the power of Christ! Oh no, don't banish me because then I'd have to go back to torturing...Margaret. Do you know a Margaret?

Uh, no. Yeah, sweet Margaret. Sorry, did you say no? You said no? Yeah. No, sorry. You're Rick Wilson? Yeah. No, sorry. You Rick Wilson? Yeah.

Uh huh. Well, 222 Redwood Drive? No. No, I live in Fleetwood, Redwood Drive. Oh, fuck. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not walk. Okay, can you give me a second?

I'm obviously in the middle of something. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry. Wait, did you look up the wrong person? No, I'm a demon and I have demon knowledge that's gonna scorch your soul. Oh, you're gonna, oh, go ahead, scorch my soul then. I know that you jerk off to porn.

Well, everybody jerks off to porn. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Okay, but if I hadn't looked you up, how would I know that the porn you like is big titties? Lesbian stuff. I meant lesbian stuff. You're obviously just making shit up. Do you want to leave and come back? No, because then I'm exorcised.

That's the whole point. That's kind of the whole point. Yeah. Look, I committed... Okay, because then I'm exercised. That's the whole point. That's kind of the whole point, yeah. Yeah, look, I committed... Okay, let me level with you guys. I committed to a skull in the woods like 40 years ago, and nobody has been there. And then this week they just started work there. There's like a whole logging crew, and I'm just I'm stretched right now. I'm having a problem. I'm sorry, am I throwing off your work-life balance? I'm just saying, give me like 45 minutes to get on ChatGPT and I'm gonna do such a good roast for you. I really can't do it.

Wow. No, no, I think we'll just leave actually. Yeah, seriously, weak. No, don't... Weak. You're probably worried about the election, huh? Those polls are looking tight. They're gone. Can I have my body back? Give me a minute

And we're back for still more of this shit and we're gonna rejoin the action with Ebony getting home to find the smoke detector wailing because the crucifix is on fire and Glenn closest dad also on the floor. Yeah, she is, yeah. She's opted out of the rest of the film, yeah. This section of the movie is like, you know when the scenes that happen in teen movies where like, there's been a party

and the parents are on the way home. That's what the demon is doing with the horror movies. Oh, God, and the cross is on fire, and I killed Glenn Close, and I spoiled all the milk in the fridge. Oh god, and the cross is on fire and I killed Glenn Close and I spoiled all the milk in the fridge. Oh man. André comes down all demonic and slow and he goes, what happened to grandma?

And Ebony's like, oh come on, we know you killed her. Obviously you killed her. We saw that scene. There's a moment that's meant to be high drama where Ebony sees Glenn Close dead and she yells like, Andre! But she yells it like Kirk yelling, Khan, and it just seems ridiculous. I can't get past it. And then Shantae yells for mom. She's upstairs and she's like, mom! And I'm like, whatever

she's going on isn't as important as the dead lady downstairs and the active fire. But she runs upstairs and then we get like, you know, later we get like Cynthia ominously taking pictures of this crime scene because apparently they just fled the scene of the crime. Yeah. She's walking around the house like she's a forensic investigator. She's CPS. I don't think they let child protective services just come in and snap a few P.S. So okay, so then we cut to mom driving them to elsewhere, right? Kidnapping. Kidnapping is what she's doing.

Yeah, well, exactly. So as much as I yell at haunted house movie characters to do this, just to leave the fucking house, in this instance, it's like you're fleeing the scene of the crime, though, is what you're doing now. And Shantae is like well mom I I'm the one that called Cynthia because because you know people were dead in our home and it was on fire I'm a child and I needed protection yes at which point Ebony gives this absolutely batshit insane it's hard being a mom monologue

to which even the demon is like, I'm sorry, was that supposed to like bring me to your side? You are the worst. Yes. She says, she says you think it's easy doing what I do, but what you do is endangering your children. You drink and hit your kids. It seems pretty easy.

So yeah, but then Andre like demons at her a little bit from the back seat and she looks in the rear view mirror and his eyes turn all black. So she pulls the car over and runs away like the fucking lawyer in Jurassic Park just leaves her kids behind with a demon in the car. To run into a bar. She runs into about the alcoholic abusive mother leaves her kids in the car having fled the scene of a crime and runs into a bar and is meant to be the sympathetic character here. Oh yeah. Now to be clear, this is from the real story. The mom did run in the psychosis into a bar and had obviously been abusing her kids that she had kidnapped. So they've now rewritten this as, no, it was Andre's demon. Andre's demon is carbon monoxide poisoning, apparently. Oh.

So yeah, so she runs into this bar and she yells at all the people, say, somebody come and kick my demon son's ass for me. And a bunch of people are like, yeah, no, I can do that. Oh, fuck yeah, absolutely. Weird number of people take her up on that. But then they check the kids and the kids are just clearly abused.

So now she's in a jail or something. And there's a social worker giving her, they go through this intake form with her. But it's weird because the intake form, it's a lot about what's been happening with the kids and stuff, but none of the authorities seem that interested in the dead mum and the burning house that don't seem to be a thing that anybody cares about no didn't come up There's a lot of like is your house haunted questions in there, right? So what a weird like has there been weird banging and flies, you know, right? Well, cuz the movie wants us to be like cuz again this woman was actually forcibly committed Right for a short amount of time because she was having a psychotic episode in public, right?

And so what this movie is trying to rewrite that as is, look, if you have a demon in your house, a lot of those questions make it seem like you have psychosis, but actually, you were hearing noises and strange voices. Yeah. Yeah, uh-huh. So yeah, so, but then we get Cynthia showing up

to assure her that, hey, you know, like they're taking your kids away, but there's still a lot of movie to go for you at this point. Yeah. She says it's not forever. And I wrote in my notes, I hope it's forever. I am rooting for forever. Well, I was rooting for forever. And then she says they're going into church foster care and I'm like, Oh, well, maybe. Lateral? Is that a lateral move?

Yeah. I had two lines of dialogue back to back was it's the best thing I wrote. It literally Oh, well, maybe. Lateral? Is that a lateral move? Yeah, I had two lines of dialogue back to back was, it's the best thing. I wrote, it literally is. And then it says, they're sending them to a church foster care. I was like, okay, so it's not the best thing. It's not the best thing. It is a thing. Probably better, but not necessarily.

Yeah. So then we get this scene where Ebony's going to a church and I thought that that was like her getting her life together, right? It was going to be that scene or whatever, but no, she's going to see apostle Bernice because she's like, yeah, no, it's definitely not that I'm psychotic. It's that there's a demon in my kid. I need an excuse there to take my kid. There's such a weird thing here as well. I have no idea why, but they shoot this church with a fisheye lens. If you look to the side, all of the walls have like a curvature to them because the lens is fish eye.

So I don't know if they're trying to make this room look bigger than it actually is. It's such a weird choice. I'm so distracted by it. So she starts talking to Bernice and there's a weird moment where she like wants to know the demon's backstory. Yeah.

Right, she says, this demon demons got my son she's like where's it from and I'm like what's obviously from fucking hell it's a demon you know it's from it's from New Jersey Jesus Christ from Bayonne originally you know thank you nobody ever where are you really from wow all right one of you Wow. Wow. All right. Why don't you go march with Tommy Robinson? Go beat up some of my marsh's neighbors. But this is where Bernice explains that all three of the kids are possessed by the one demon. Which is like a three-for-one deal when it comes to exorcisms actually you're getting it pretty cheap. But in order for her to fight back in order for Ebony to get her kids back from the demon, she has to be sufficiently Christian.

Not a good person. She's not like, you know, well, you have to not be abusive, you have to not be an alcoholic. No, you just have to be the correct religion a lot. Right. You got to be all the way Christian if you want to fight this demon. We also get some of her backstories to why she isn't Christian, why she doesn't believe in anything. And it is just, again, it's like she was, it was a traumatic story, a traumatic event in childhood and she asked God for help and God didn't do anything. And

that's the reason she's atheist because she's angry with God. Christian movie tick. Yeah. And she, she tells this to a possible lady. She's like, yeah, no, my mom let someone sexually assault me as a child. And she's like, you should not tell that story. She immediately goes to and you should ask his forgiveness now for letting that happen. What you should what now, though? And it's so weird when we see the flashback of her, like of someone coming down the stairs to do that. It is exactly the same set of stairs that are in her own basement. And you'd think she'd avoid a house with a spooky trauma basement when you go house hunting at that point. Right.

If you do have like spooky trauma stuff going on in basements. Just don't do that. Yeah. So, yeah. So she tells her tragic backstory and then prays, you know, asks God to forgive her for all of the trauma she went through. And then we cut to Cynthia, the child protective services lady, checking on Andre. So he's in the hospital now because he's, you know, full on demon possessed. Yeah. So they've got him like strapped down. She starts talking to him and he goes like, my mother is dead. God is dead. And

everybody's like, yeah, so it's probably like, we're thinking maybe bulimia. I don't know. I just wanted to carry on listing dead people. Einstein's dead. The guy who hosted supermarket sweep is dead. It's like when I call home to speak to my mom. Basically, I'm just going to list. Yes, he's dead. God. You to speak to my mom basically. I was going to be like, guess who's dead? God. You do. Yes, you do. You met him back in New York.

He used to live in the church at the end of our street. You see him on a Sunday. No, no, you do. He was in your first communion. Yeah, his son used to do those magic tricks until he had that falling out with Mrs. Ascariot's son. Speaking of Mrs. Ascariot's son, you'll never guess what happened to him. And this is where the kid walks in and says, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go, you'll never guess what happened to him. And this is where the kid walks backwards up the wall.

Now the actual story made a huge deal about this because the doctor saw, and if I may borrow from Wikipedia here, the walking up the wall backwards incident failed to mention that the boy's grandmother was in fact holding his hand throughout, which allowed the boy to push himself against the wall and walk up it. Yeah. Okay. Because that means unlike what we see in the movie where he fucking spider climbs up the wall at some point in the hospital grandma was like, do you want to walk on the wall a little bit? And he was like, I would be fun, grandma.

Okay. Upies were describing upies as demonic possession now. Yeah. So this is where the movie takes its all the fucking way to right. Cause up until this point, the movie's been kind of like the exorcism of Emily Rose was like, was it a demon or was it a mental illness? Well, mental illnesses exist, so we know the fucking answer. But up until this point, the movie had kind of done this. At this point, the kid squirts out of his restraints, right? He's strapped down and then walks backwards up the wall, like the third act of inception, right? And then we're like, oh, so we are going with demons then. We could have just started off like that and the movie would have been an hour shorter

and less boring. Yeah. This cake goes from not to demon incredibly fast. Just like instant bam, full demon. Right. Here we go. This is what we were after the entire fucking film. Yes.

Well, immediately after that, as though trying to deliver us a punchline, the very next scene after he walks backwards up the wall is Cynthia walking down a hallway doing a walk and talk with the doctor and the doctor saying the words, let's not hit the panic button just yet. Why even have that button then? That's what the button's for. Yeah, exactly. So when the kid starts climbing the wall, that's the end of the scene

for us. Did she just walk out of the room? How did that scene end in reality? Okay, you know what? You know what? If you're going to walk up the walls, I'm going to leave Andre and I'll come back when you're ready to talk. When you're ready to walk on the floor like a grown up. Yeah. So yeah. And then also at this point, mom is sneaking into the hospital to kidnap Andre who has just been taken away from her by the state. Yeah. As the hero. As the hero here, she's doing that. Also, she's disguised as a nurse. She's walking around saying hi to everybody. She's got like an ID badge hanging from her uniform and stuff, but she's saying hi to everyone. And does it feel vaguely racist that she can walk around in scrubs saying

hi to people and that's enough to convince everyone that she's a nurse? She's probably a nurse. It's fine. I'm sure she works here. Well, it doesn't work on anybody, which is so funny because she's like, hello, coworker. And they're like, I know who works here. No. Yeah. They actually, they have you, like you can overhear all the people going, who the fuck was that? Why is she waving at us? You don't do that at places you were, I don't walk down the hallways places I were, hello!

I also work here like you, we know each other. I mean, you guys work in your house. It would be weird if like, no one just frees you like that. Hi, co-worker! So yeah, but so she goes to kidnap the kid and the doctor's going to go check on him. Cause of course he's heard about the wall walking thing. And he goes, hey, take me to the room

that Andre Jackson is in. And the nurse at this point goes, it's room 509. I'm not going back in there. And it's like, oh, well, then you would be, I would think fired then because there's a person there that needs your help and that's your job. But no, instead, we cut to apostle Bernice helping it. Ebony kidnap Andre, right? They drive off and take him back to the house that even this movie says is trying to kill him. Yes. Take the demon kid back to the place he got demon is this plan here. Yeah.

Right. I guess you got to burn him in the mountain from where he was forged or whatever. And then, so they get him back there, they strap him down. Apostle Bernice comes out with her very sticky noted Bible. Yeah. She also has a tape recorder and she gets Ebony to consent to this exorcism on tape. Just like ready, just primed for the manslaughter trial. Yeah. Really. All of the way.

I've been through this before. My lawyer says I have to have you do this before I kill your kid with my stuff. Yes. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, now remember, no matter what your son says or how much he cries out, don't help him. And this is a great time to emphasize how often people die from this shit, I think. Yeah. Worth pointing out here. But don't worry. She says spiritual warfare, so it sounds super

bad ass. And then we get our goddamn exorcism scene. So it starts with her like sprinkling holy water on him and him screaming. And then he turns into Glenn Close and we thought that Glenn Close had made it out, right? We thought, well, you know, she still has a bit of her dignity intact, right? So she hasn't said the words nappy pussy at any point yet. So probably, you know, she's like nominated eight times. She's never won one.

There's at least still a possibility. But no, no, she comes back. Can I say something? I think they should give it to her for this. And her clip is the I can smell your nappy pussy part. And she goes, they announced her name. she's just shaking her head in her chair. Nope. Don't want it.

Don't want it. But like the dialogue in this is all terrible. That is even that. I can smell your nappy pussy. That is boring shock dialogue. It's like an idiot's idea of what's offensive. It's like watching a Ricky Gervais stand up essentially. Oh God, the devils post this movie stand-up special so a lot of you know

that I called a woman with a nappy pussy. And a lot of people didn't like that. And the little racists in the audience are like woo nappy pussy. Yeah exactly. Dave Chappelle everybody. Honestly I feel like the academy is watching this portion of the movie going like see that's why we never gave her what they didn't understand at the time. They kept saying, Oh, you should give one to Glenn Close. She's been nominated so many times, but this is what we knew she had this in her. We knew she'd do this eventually. He had to. Yep. So, okay. So then, so we're getting the exorcism of Andre, but we also get like Nate and Shantae waking up feeling because I guess the demon is in them too. So they're also having like Des Numons. I don't, yeah, I don't know.

It's three times as many exorcism films here. You got the kid being exorcised, you got it three times. This is three times better than the exorcist. No, if you think about it. Just by maths alone. Yes. So we get that, we get the house shaking from all the demonic power. Bridee sends Epony away. She's like, you go upstairs for the rest of the movie.

And she's like, that doesn't sound right. She's like, it's not. You'll be in the basement later with no explanation. The entire house is shaking. And so for safety, she sends her upstairs in the shaking house. That is not safe. That's probably the right idea. Get under a desk.

Haha. Dig a hole and put some planks over it. Right. So there's a great movie here too where the kid disappears and then we hear running around like when Stewie goes all ninja, you know, just a pitter-patter, pitter-patter. Yes. He's an invisible demon boy. The only thing less interesting than the demon exorcism is an invisible demon exorcism. We're exercising an invisible demon now.

I bet his head is spinning 360 degrees the entire time he's invisible. We wouldn't even fucking know. Yes, exactly. And he kills her. Right. He's like, he invisibly drags her around by the hair a little bit, which is fucking hilarious looking. And then he slams her into the ground and she dies.

She does die. Yes. Great work, expert exorcist here. Keep in mind, this woman's advice has been you need to have enough faith in Jesus if you want to defeat the demon. She's the source of Christian faith in this movie and she has just died. Yep. Well, but she doesn't die right off, right? She gets smashed and then she has time to give a monologue to Epony about how her faith has to be stronger than that of the person that exercises demons for a living. No fear in this dojo. Right. But that's just the thing. She's like, my faith wasn't strong enough.

I'm like, you're in the middle of fighting a demon. You don't even need faith anymore. Why would you have like what a moment to have a crisis even need faith anymore. Why would you have, like, what a moment to have a crisis of fucking faith, where there's a demon lifting you up and blowing smoke out of somebody's ass and being invisible and shit like that. To me, I'm an atheist. I would be all fucking convinced at that point. I'd be very, right? You would have to, much later, you would have to show me a lot of, you know, CCTV to convince me I've seen a demon.

Exactly, right. So but she gives Ebony the holy water and she's like, you have to finish the deliverance and she's like, oh God, I would have thought this movie would be fucking over by now. So she goes to the basement where obviously the demon lives. For the first time in this fucking film. Yes. This is the first time anybody has gone into the spooky basement where everything happens. Yes.

Yes. So, yes, she goes down the stairs crack on the way down so that something is happening. She doesn't turn on the light. She just carries a fucking flashlight. Now, most movies would have the moment where she pulls the cord but nothing happens. This dumb ass movie doesn't even have that. Apparently, she just didn't, but nothing happens. This dumb ass movie doesn't even have that, right? Apparently she just didn't even think of it.

And then so and Andre is is downstairs when she gets there. And he's like, I'm not demon possessed. I'm just your son. And she's like, bullshit, I hit him anyway. And so she like holy water sprinkles at him. He grabs her by the hair and drags her around because that looks even sillier when he's not invisible. Apparently he jokes, slams her at one point, like the undertaker style.

It's just this little 10 year old boy. Yeah. So silly. But again, like I was hearing the Rocky music at this point. I was like, yeah, demon get her. Yeah. And well, and then, now it's a mirror match. All of a sudden, she's beating herself up. Yeah, but it's a mirror match, but she's wearing the same outfit.

She doesn't even, like, change the colors up on the outfit. That's what they should have done. Well, she should have pressed B when she was selecting herself as a gay. Exactly. Right, duh. Yeah, and then the demon starts breaking her bones, and we're going, like, oh, nice, because she probably broke some bones at some point. Like, oh, oh, and her legs too. But then she yells, Jesus.

Incredible. I thought loud moment. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd think at that moment she's calling on the power of Jesus and then she's going to be fine. But no, the other, her like choke slams her again and then stomps on her throat real good. Oh, sorry. I got distracted. I was up here here I'm having a mani-pedi done. You need my focus right now? Okay you know I'm on here. I'm here. Yeah but then she remembers how much she loves her kids and we flash back to the most banal parts of the movie. Yeah we flashed back to all the times she wasn't beating her kids which is why it's so banal in the movie. Yeah, we flashback to all the times she wasn't beating her kids, which is why it's so banal

in the movie. There's very few little snippets to go on. Yeah. And she yells, you know, I rebuke you Satan in the name of Jesus. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I'm like, oh, she has all the cliches. At this point, I thought she was going to kill the demon by saying, live, laugh, Yeah. But yeah, so she does that. She speaks in tongues now.

But even when it is scripted, she can't avoid doing the repeating of the same noises. The idea that what the demon was missing to be defeated is so fucking funny. It's amazing. So yeah, so she shammalammalamas a lot with Jesus in there. The demon catches on fire, a pit to hell opens up, she uses her telekinesis to throw the demon into the pit. Demons have fire resistance, everyone knows that. It's so fucking stupid.

And then she like comes to and she's on the floor and she's like, oh fuck that demon was my kid. Did I just throw him in a help it? But no, he's there. There is a solid four minutes of this movie where you think she's going to be like, ah fuck, I sent my kid to hell. But she's like, she's like yelling about it. She's yelling to try and find him. She's like looking around like Andre, Andre.

And then she turns and he's there on the floor. But the thing is, how did she not see him until we did? Right! He was in the room, the empty room with him. She'd have to wait for the camera to turn around because she was looking that direction. It's just a basement. Yes. And also she goes to hug him and she lays down with him,

but the hole to hell is still there. I mean, you put up some orange cones at first before you pass out, wouldn't you? Jesus fucking Christ. Cuts to a contractor the next day. This is not good. This is not going to be cheap. And that's if I can get my guys. All right. That's if I can get my hell hole filling guys,

because I know a lava guy, but it's going to cost you. Eli, would you take a hole to hell in your in your basement over what's been happening? I know a lava guy, but it's gonna cost you. Eli, would you take a hole to hell in your basement over what's been happening in your basement? Yeah, really honestly. Are you kidding? The devil and I have so much in common and he'd be like, I love your recordings, man.

We all sort of gather near the hole and get in early on them. I'm a patron. So, okay, so now it's morning and they do this part where they try to make Pittsburgh look beautiful and it's just sad. It's just fucking sad. Might as well be like a bird twittering on a crack dealer's shoulder. So yeah, so, but Cynthia shows up and she like gives her a pep talk and she's like, you'll

get your kids back eventually, probably, because our system is deeply, deeply flawed and broken. Does she say at one point, I'll talk to the judge, but those kids were fucked up? I don't hear that exactly. She does. Yeah, she was like, yeah, your kids were pretty fucked up. They've been badly beaten by their abusive mother. But I reckon we can try and persuade the judges. See, Cynthia doesn't even mention the demon particularly, does she?

I don't think it particularly addresses the fact that there were demons going on here. Nope. She sure as fuck doesn't. She goes at one point, she goes, well, you know, your kids don't remember any of this. And I'm like, oh, or it's a lie. Yeah. Right? That would be the other explanation for why they wouldn't have any memory of it.

She says, you know, she's like, well, you know, if it's God's will, I'll get my kids back and Cynthia goes, wow, I sure am impressed by how Christian you are. And I'm like, really? Really? That quickly? Because you know all of the you saw the bruises. The number of kids that you did. Woof.

But Ebony's like, I can help you be more Christian. And she gives her a little cross necklace. Okay. And that is bribery of the public officials. So you're never going to see your kids again. And then the camera pans away from the neighborhood as though we're going to like eventually end on a pop scare for part two or something. But, but we don't. Yes, I wrote the music is reserved for the demon is still there pop scares, but no it just goes to the credits Yeah, well, it goes to a title card that says six months later Ebony got her kids back and we're like, oh well I guess oh no happy ending. That is a sad ending. That is the pop scare Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, this music was accurate. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. We found it

Yeah, well and then this is so fucking weird after the title card the movie's like, oh And another thing right like it's getting the ockham award. Yeah, and and it says Just for you marsh And and we cut to like ebony driving her kids to philadelphia and they're like, why are we going to philadelphia? And she's like I talked to your dad. I think we're gonna work things out out after all. And I'm like, oh, were you having problems with the dad? I thought he was just in Iraq. Well, that was the problem is he would come back. Yeah, right. Yes.

So and then that scene is over and the movie gets a different title card, a second go at that. And it tells us like, you know, the real name of the lady was this. And then that house got demolished. And and it's still kind of creepy even to this day. Strange things happen. It's Pittsburgh to this day. Yeah. Our story was inspired by the life of this lady and presumably the lie she told. And then it then it sort of shows the house is like, but there was a house. That's proof. At least part of her story was true. She did have a house.

You're saying there's no such thing as houses? You sound ridiculous. Alright, so I guess that's going to do it for a review of the deliverance, but it's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still do need to punish ourselves more. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, our Halloween spooktacular may be over, but something even scarier is on the horizon.

That's right! It's election day here in the United States. So we'll be reminding folks just how spooktacular their November could be with Dinesh D'Souza's documentary Two Thousand Mules. Oh, for fuck's sake. That was bound to happen eventually, I guess. Yeah. All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 480 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Marsh for all his help this week. Be sure to check the show

notes for links to more stuff from him and perhaps even huger thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash got awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the scaling of the citation DND minus and the skeptic out of a blue wherever podcasts live. If you have

questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies gmail.com Tim Robertson takes care of our social media our theme song was written and performed by rice lot negative of the drafts of Mars all other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heath Enright, Neelay, Positive, and Amdolution. We promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Close. True to his word, the director of this movie destroyed whatever blackmail material he

must have had on Glenn Close to get her to do this movie. The local police accepted it was a demon again as an excuse for Ebony having a second dead lady in her house way too quickly. Pittsburgh remains filled with demons to this day. Yeah. Weird system they've got there. Yeah. So the problem is I had like 20 minutes left in the movie. So I was like I'm gonna get high I'm a good boy. I deserve it and then my I got stuck on the thought of why does God keep giving Demons their magic because they're his powers, right? Yeah, he's the source of the power Doing it. That's the problem with the omniscience and the omnipotence is that God is the one

Slamming kids against walls if you really think about it. PSEMG is providing the power. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024 all rights reserved.