God Awful Movies - 484: Bibleman: The Incredible Force of Joy

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

This week, we welcome in Cecilia and Reno from the Comic Dissection podcast join us for an episode of Bibleman. This week, Bibleman tackles the problem of children not loving Jesus enough for him to rescue them from psychological disorders. --- Last chance to see us live in Nashville! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-nashville-tennessee-tickets-997264413707 Hear more from Cecilia and Reno on the Comic Dissection podcast. If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/

Best part about Jersey Mike's, the owner of Jersey Mike's fucked a shark. What? Yeah. Take that home. Enjoy it everybody. You are trying to divert me, damn it. I'm going to stay. First of all, Noah, there are four seconds left in this movie.

I'm Googling this right now. We're going to have to pause so I can Google. Do it in incognito mode. Safe search off, baby. So while Cecilia's Googling the shark fucking... We've lost her for the rest of the show. Yeah, right, right. Godawful movies. Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnik. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Bibleicious, baby. It's been too long. And we're also excited to welcome in brand new guest masochists who at least thought they knew what they were getting into. Cecilia and Reno from the Comic Dissection Podcast. Cecilia, Reno, welcome to the show. Woo!

Great to be here. Yes. Yes. Awesome. So just, Cecilia, to clarify for our audience, you guys aren't like, you're not autopsy-ing George Carlin over there. You're dissecting comics. That is correct. We have not quite got the medical license to dissect actual people. We are a leftist intersectional podcast. We examine different comics every two weeks, basically. Awesome. And we talk about everything from Superman to Sailor Moon and a lot of, unfortunately, Farino, a lot of my favorite gay animes.

I'm learning. Learning so much. But yeah, that's basically what we do. We dissect comic books. Awesome. See, when I try to introduce my favorite gay animes to this show, it gets cut every time, Cecilia. So we're going to get my favorite gay animes to this show it gets cut every time We're gonna get into what the crystal gems represent on this week's episode Maybe we've got a special spot for you Yeah, they say the same thing

So tell us Reno. What will we be breaking down today? We are breaking down an episode of Bible Man, the story of a man who is both man and Bible, question mark. Sure. Sure. Always a good guidepost. Well, that's Salty the Songbook, though. Yeah, he's more of a Bible man than Bible man, if you think about it. That's true.

Bible man, back up. I want Salty the Songbook versus Bible man sometime in the future and Eli How bad was this video? Well, if you love the adventures of Bible man so far But you wish you'd get rid of all this talking about things we can say are bad even through a secular worldview Yeah, you will love this movie. It's this week. He's finally taking on the villain of not being happy enough? It's awful. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst

hat? Best worst fourth wall breaking. Oh yeah! Alright. I can definitely agree with that. I'd like to change my answer. Nope, you can't steal hers. So do you have a best worst for us, Reno? Best worst sidekick attire.

Interesting. We have both Bible Man and the Master of Misery. Master of Misery, yeah. Have sidekicks. Yep. And both of them are very boring as far as their attire goes. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Ludacris is just dressed in some their attire goes. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Ludacris is just dressed in some robes. Yep. Just some black. Yeah. Boring. And Bible man's sidekick is kind of dressed like a member of the French Foreign Legion. Yeah. And I don't know, from a comic viewpoint, you missed an opportunity.

Especially in contrast with the hero and villain costumes, which are sort of brightly colored Standard superhero fair. It's not like this is a gritty fucking Batman reboot We watched you know on HBO Max, right? Bible man wears bright yellow and punches people through walls with a lightsaber Yeah, but coach just has a gun All right, we'll get to what code says but I was gonna go with best worst I don't care what that word means. I'm using it Anyway, there are like six times in this video where they have to say like a science word or something along those lines And every single time I'm just I'm sitting there just shaking because that's not at all what that fucking word means.

Yeah I kept scrolling through the credits looking for a CS Lewis writers credit and it was giving big mere Christianity vibes. Sure sure. And I'm gonna go with best worst pre-show material. I'm gonna leave it right there cuz we're gonna talk about it in a second but I will say truly the beginning of this tape if not the movie is astounding It really is it was a tight normally we don't do the front matter of the show, but this time yeah Alright well do it it has been way too long since we visited Bible man

So we're gonna keep the break brief and when we come back we'll dive into all the action-packed proselytization that is Bible man the incredible force of joy and all the action-packed proselytization that is Bible Man. The incredible force of joy. What about a hat? I feel like she wears hats, right? I also feel like she wears hats. Hey guys, what's up? Oh, hey Cecilia.

We were trying to figure out like clothing gifts for our wives. Sure. And we were wondering, so do you know what clothes are wives that you've never met like? Look guys, if you're looking for great holiday gifts, why don't you try Quince? Is that a stone? I feel like I've heard Anna mention it. The stone. Nope.

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practices. It's true. Quince sent us a pair of pants when they first became a sponsor and they quickly became Anna's favorite pants. That's why I Eli Bosnick personally endorsed quints. All right, Cecilia, I'm sold. Where do we sign up? Give luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag. Go to quints.com slash awful for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's Q ui n c e dot com slash awful to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince dot com slash awful. Thanks, Cecilia Wait, did you guys ask me because of a woman? No, we actually asked Reno first

Yeah, I'm telling you guys Lego sets only gain value. He was not a ton of help plastic gold I'm telling you guys, Lego sets only gain value. He was not a ton of help. Plastic gold! Hey Chris, you got a second? Sure, Bible Man writer guys, what's up? Right. It's about the most recent episode you gave us, the incredible force of joy. Oh yes, such an important one.

Yeah, so about that. It seems like the message of the episode might be if you're sad, it's because you're not Christian enough. No, no, no. What we're telling kids is that happiness might come and go, but through Christ, joy is always possible. That's like exactly what she just said. Is it?

Yeah, and it just, a bunch of these titles seem a little blamey to be directed at kids. Really? Blamey? Which ones? Well, okay, so there's episode five. God didn't put those gay thoughts in your head. You did. Uh-huh.

And episode six, only God could love a fuck up like you. I don't think we should have fuck in the title of an episode. Well, we could call it something else. I feel like you guys are overreacting. Episode eight is just, Christine, please come back. I'm so lonely without you. If I spend another night in this bed by myself, I'll die. Well, yeah, okay, that one we can probably rethink.

Got it, sure. Hey man, are you okay? I'm great, I'm great. Okay. Okay. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown. And as I said, normally we leave out the front matter

on things like this, right? If there are ads before the fucking show, we leave them out. But because of a combination of how short this week's video is and how bizarre this front matter is, we have to talk about the ads before this one, okay? So it comes up, it starts off, this lady comes out and she's like, you know them people in Hollywood, they don't know what we want to show our kids do that. Those Jews in Hollywood are turning your kids gay. It's how this VHS tape begins. Yeah.

Crackles to life with a radio bar and then someone says a slur for China. I mean it is. I knew it had a place in our hearts. She says there's we have a bunch of other videos by the way. There's the singing place which Eli will eventually make Noah watch. Well, it's got Spunky and his human friend, Reg and celebrity guests like Jim Varney. Yes, Ernest himself. So it's not Spunky and Reg. It's Spinky and Reg. Spellcheck did not want to let it be Spinky, though it just cap change.

And I get it felt dirty to me, too. Spellcheck. Yeah. Technically, I believe it's Spinky and his human friend. Oh, you're right. Yes. Which they somehow made human friends sound like a slur. Yeah. Well, and I think it's because I don't think he's actually human. Right. Like all things Christian.

Right. Every accusation is a convention. And I think it's because I don't think he's actually human, right? I'd like all things Christian, right? Every accusation is a convention. Right. Like when they put democratic in the name of the country and you're like, exactly. Yeah. This is neither a democratic republic. I'm not even sure it's in the Congo. Yeah.

These states aren't united. I'm just thinking that the Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers called and want their IP back. Right. Yeah. It was very, it was like the Bizarro version. Yeah. Right. If this crew is good at one thing, it's stealing IPs from other people.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of which, yeah, they say, so we've got that, we've got Spinky and we've got his human friend Reg. We also have this other video, Bible Man, which you're watching, and we're like, yeah, we know, we're watching it. I was like, oh shit, I'm trapped in a loop.

Yeah, right. But they do claim that Bible Man is action packed, and I'm like, oh, I thought, I guess that's not a legally protected term at all, is it? Yeah, you can say whatever the fuck you want, yeah. Although, I will say, for me and Eli, this ad did serve as a lovely little, like, last time

on Bibleman reminder. Didn't it? Right? Yeah. So as they're playing these clips, we're like, oh, right. The Fibbler. What about The Fibbler? Let me full confession, Ty.

My favorite comic book character of all time is The Riddler. Is The Fibbler. And I saw The Fibbler and I was like, oh, what did they do to my baby boy? What have you done? Yeah. Aw. OK, so this movie is 47 seconds long. So I am going to need to drag this podcast to a halt

and make you defend that. Sorry, you like the gay guy who kind of does puzzles? Take me there. OK, first of all, I'm pretty sure he is a bisexual that does puzzles. Sure, sure. And also, he's just a creepy, overly smart person who always wants to be like the smartest guy in every room.

And as in someone who was constantly bullied in school, I get it. Like I'm there for it. Sure. You think all you were missing in high school was a green outfit and that really would have pulled back. Yeah, no, exactly. It's just any gimmick. It's that you didn't commit to the bit enough.

Reno is a sucker for a gimmick though. I am a sucker for a any gimmick. It's that you didn't commit to the bit enough. Reno is a sucker for a gimmick though I am a sucker for a good gimmick. He was the best part of Arkham Knights, right? So the little puzzles that was great. I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah. Yeah, he is hard to defend. I won't deny that Yeah, just when you say favorite comic book character, there are so many and the Riddler Riddler's not even top five in Batman. And so I did. I did have to hold you to the fire. Love the lost cause.

Yeah, exactly. To the Batman 60s live action movie. Well, of course, people Joker, Penguin, Catwoman and our boy. Yeah, no, that's fair. Can't help but notice you switched over the 1940s movie where Batman uses racial slurreds the entire time. Wait, what?

Are you not aware? TikTok just found out about this and it warms my heart to no end. There is a 1940s Batman movie where the villains are of Japanese descent. Oh, no. And it's yeah. And whatever you're picturing, whatever you're picturing, it's worse. Oh, no. I promise you, it's worse. I mean, the covers of the comics during that time were like, support war bonds and slap up, you know, slur, I won't repeat.

Yes, exactly. Commit a hate crime for Superman. Yeah, the fact that the television movies followed suit, not too surprising. All right, so we're doing a 47- video this week so we can afford to get a little bit off topic, but I think we're about four diversions in right now. So I'm going to re-analyze. We're still in the ads, folks. And we also, we have to talk about the ad for Bible Smart, the fast, fun family card

game that teaches us Bible verses. Yeah. And this reminded me of the time a listener gave us Bible trivia. And we were like, oh, we're going to be great at this. We'll play it at Matri on. And then we tried two cards and we realized we're not actually in that cult. So we don't have fucking verses memorized. And yet we were like, oh, never mind.

So many versions of it. There are like four different packs you could buy. So many card games, so many ways to make you hate Saturday Family Game Right. Yes, exactly as they're out showing they describe the game as Bible smart card games of strategy It felt like a a telegram ad for new Hello friend Your crucifixion and raise your resurrection What kind of strategy? I see your crucifixion and raise your resurrection. Right.

The strategy is know the Bible. I would play a Bible-based dominion knockoff so hard. So hard. Fuck yeah. So, okay. And then, like that fades out. We're treated to another ad this time. Okay, so it starts off as an ad for Bible Man Live, which I'm absolutely, I'm going

to Bible Man Live with Eli someday. We're going to just act like the audience, seeing the Beatles on Ed Sullivan the whole fucking time exactly But it turned out they swerved right it started They're like Bible man live and I'm like oh And they're like brought to you by guideposts for kids and and then the whole thing was about this magazine guideposts for kids For people who are sick of the fucking gay propaganda in zoo book Guideposts for kids. Yeah, exactly. And dude, I have so many questions about Wally the Turtle, right?

So they have this child actor being like, they've got Wally the Turtle. He's so cool. Wally answers questions about parents, school, and God. And I just, I was like, how many people do you think they went through a year who killed themselves having to write as Wally the I bet that they don't even like give you a name tag on the door I mean it works both ways though, right Because you also don't have to sign your name to what you wrote.

Well, that's true. Which means you might get a job somewhere in the future. No, that's fair. That's fair. But this little girl, she takes us through the end. This little girl, by the way, in this ad is the best actor in the whole goddamn video. She really is. In all of Christian cinema. In all of Christian cinema. She was actually very compelling. I believed that she loved the God's mysterious ways section where they tell you about how

science is a bunch of fucking lies. Well, they promised us we would hear from kids, plural. And they had kids singular. Yeah, it was. It was just the one fucking, you're right. They ripped us off. Yeah. So they had, that kid had to bring it.

What kind of bait and switch bullshit was this fucking Christian punky Brewster over here wasn't enough. So yeah, but no, but Christian guy post for kids. It is won several awards that you've never heard of and they totally didn't make up. They give a website at the end to I checked it is not operational. So sure is. Sure is also not for sale. otherwise you would all see the hardcore porn I put there when you look it up And then at the end we get a little teaser for some more, you know mainstream show stuff This is part of the guidepost family of magazine. Yes, everybody

Right a couple of those gave me flashbacks to my my more pertinent church days Oh, no, you just see it and you're like wait, I remember those on the pew after we would leave and and you just start shaking uncontrollably. Oh, sorry about that. Sorry. I'm okay now. We should definitely, guest spots on this show should come with a trigger warning though, for sure. Yeah. Clarity magazine.

Well, and then, okay, one more ad and we promise we're going to get to the fucking video, guys. But then they show they have like the the CD collection that they're trying to sell us. The Heavens Sake Kids. And you know, a CD collection is good when they open with we didn't just fucking slap these together. OK, we worked really hard. That line was so much like showing up, like arriving home from a trip and telling your spouse I didn't cheat on you while I was gone Yeah, I almost went best worst premature apology

They are so defensive. Yeah. Well, and they've got so many different CDs you can listen to songs about Jesus. Uh-huh. Silly songs That's the same picture Jesus into songs about Jesus, silly songs. That's the same picture. Jesus. Also Jesus. And animals. They tried to save on that art. Yeah, no, they just kept going over and over again with the same goddamn shit. Also, she says at the end of this, the voice comes in and says,

300,000 kids can't be wrong. I'm like, of course they can. They're kids. And That's what kids do. Yes. Yes. See skibbity as slang, for an example. Yes, exactly. Oh, you have divided our audience.

Yeah, Cecilia, we're really trying to stay current. OK, some of us are paying our bills with this. So if you could just say it's awful skibbity in this Ohio at some point during the episode, just if you can work it out. Well, it's kidsz Bop but worse. Yes, shut up and make Kidz Bop fucking worse. Yes, thank you. And Kidz Bop changed suicidal to in denial.

So there's a lot. It's hard to reach the depth that Kidz Bop. We worked there. All right. All right. So, okay. And then they finally make with the goods. We finally get that the pamplin entertainment thing comes up.

Yes. Maker of Christian entertainment and your mother's period medication. Yeah, right. So, but they finally make with the Bible man. We start off, the title card comes up and informs us that there's a Bible alarm in progress. Now, I don't want to spend forever on this title card, but it says that we are 120 degrees northeast of Shatsville, Oregon. Right. The standard for all directions. Yeah.

Because apparently they think degrees are a unit of distance. Maybe it's really hot there. Maybe it was just actual degrees. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. There you go. So we start off, we see Bible man sidekick coats. Now he's sneaking through this room as though he's like he's crouched out like he's in a ventilator shaft, but he's not. He's just in a full size room. He's doing that thing in video games where if you crouch down, they can't see you. Right. Metal gear Solid. Yes.

Okay. All right. Exactly. That makes a lot more sense. But he's he's and the camera is sort of like tipping over as he walks sort of a Dutch angle type thing. They're classy. Yeah, absolutely.

And he's on the radio and he's like Bible man, where are you? It's your show. And just then there's a laser blast from above and he's attacked by a vampire jawa with a super soaker. I almost went with this for my best words, right? Because this is just the exposition guy and they could not be less fucked to name him or care about who he is. They're just like, if it isn't a establishing bad guy.

Who will be here for three seconds. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. And we'll never refer to again. Trust us. He's got this coming. Yeah. So, okay. And then there's this moment where like the baddie shoots coats with the laser coats points. He's got these like little laser pointers on his wrist and he points those at the bad guy and I so wanted the bad guy to just get attacked by a bunch of cats. Right, yeah. But no, that's just their version of special effects, I guess.

Those lasers are holding him for a second or whatever. While Bible man runs late for his own fucking show. Right? late for his own fucking show. Right. So the establishing vampire Jawa guy shoots coats with the super soaker and just then Bible man flips and then flips and then drops into the scene. It's so fun because they very clearly got a few shots of a stunt person doing a flip and then it was time to edit it and because they're idiots they were like guys do we need all of these lips and the other one was like we do they're all so good

because they had the part when Bible man comes down and there's a splash of water that seemed to be there for no reason I really hope that's from where he washed his hands. Yeah. Otherwise that water does not make any sense. Right. So he drops in and coach turns to him and he's like, hey man, what took you so long? And he's like, I don't know. Ask me what took so long. Right?

And he's like, were you taking a shit? And my mom is like, I was taking a shit, man. Why do you have to make me say out loud that I was taking a shit? Yeah. But it's not like a comedy moment. He's just like, you were taking a shit. And he's like, yes, I was taking a shit. I was like, cool. Do you want to murder this guy together?

Yes. Let's murder this guy. Let's finish the murder. After you embarrassed me in front of him. He's got to die now, for sure. I thought the shitting was going to come back. And it turns out he's under attack from the irritable Baron of syndrome. Well, so yeah, right.

They're really narrow casting Bible man to Eli now. But so okay, but then coats just explodes the bad guy with his wrist lasers. Yeah. Yep. Keep in mind, we watched someone's mom who disowned them for being gay at the very beginning of this tape say how violent Hollywood is. I have never seen a children's television show except for Bible man explode a human into a pile of goo. In two minutes. Two minutes in. Yes. Bible man was also so incredibly unnecessary here. He did nothing.

Like, insert the meme of tuxedo mask where he pops in and says, my job is done, but you didn't do anything. Right. Exactly. And like, Coates made such a big deal of like, don't leave me hanging, bro. And like, bro didn't do nothing. No, unless his flips were, like, unless we're counting the flips, he's like, well, I did a front and back flip actually.

So I didn't- He can't go unless Bible man is watching. It's the opposite of what I think. I did a front and back flip actually so I can't go unless Bible man is watching All right, well no kink shaming and God awful movies will accept that so so yeah So with the bat we watched to the bad guy in case you're thinking to yourself Well, he didn't surely he didn't kill that that guy did he they show us the remains of the guy He's now just a green pile of ooze and Bible man upon seeing a man reduced to burbling slime says don't you hate it when guys smoke yeah that's the line are they sending people to hell oh my god they are right I guess the most

generous interpretation is that they are already demons who are just returning to their workplace All right, we find out later from the master of misery that he was an eight-year-old boy. Yes. These are people Yes, so these these do appear to be human. Thank you. Yeah, maybe they're just possessed right? Maybe Bible man's just a monster Yeah Want to make an omelet got a crack a few eggs Possessed right maybe Bible man's just a monster. Yeah Yeah Want to make an omelet got a crack a few eggs So Bible man and coats are standing there and they're just going like, you know This is there's been a lot of attacks recently that maybe they're all connected and just as they're saying that we back out to a Mysterious bad guy we haven't met who is watching all of this on a camera like a secret camera

that he's got there. Yeah, his themed lair TV. Yes. So I liked I wonder if you have to special order that right you're at Walmart being like and could I fit like a skull decor around this one I'm a bad guy I wanted to scream I'm a bad guy. Yeah. And at the end of this scene the actor tries out different laughs But again, they kept all of them right? He's like Bible man

And they just kept them all yeah, once again It's okay And then we get the intro that is somehow always better and always worse than I remember it being God I know I will say these credits and the full armor of God are always funnier than I remember it being? God, I will say these credits and the full armor of God are always funnier than I remember. It's always sillier, right? If you asked me to name it off the top of my head, I'm always gonna say something less silly than the codpiece of purity or whatever the fuck it is. Well, okay, so first of all, just a quick reminder, the entire intro boils down to, Miles Peterson once wasn't

Bible man, but then he was, right? He had a nervous breakdown in the rain and found a Bible buried in the ground before him. Who does that? I know. When I had a nervous breakdown in the rain, now I have to take a pill twice a day. It doesn't make any sense. This is what would happen if they wouldn't let the Gideons put Bibles in the hotel rooms

anymore. They would just have to bury them out in the world and hope someone finds them. Also, why was he taking off his clothes? Like he's straight up like pulling his jacket off like he's in a bad 90s rom-com. It's an angst play. I do love the idea though that if Eli went off his medicine for too long, he would become Bible man. I think it's an almost a certainty now.

But yeah, the God light shines on him and they do the whole pull on the armor of God thing. And they they list it all off like Voltron is assembling or something. Oh, God. I mean, you could have had more though. You could have had like the cloak of chastity, the eye makeup of not working on the Sabbath. You could have just kept going. I would have loved to see about 13 more pieces of God here.

The knuckle dusters of not allowing witches to live. Yes. Yeah, right. We didn't pay for the DLC guys. We get the base armor in that set I hear you can win game of the year for those. Yeah That's how to start real controversy on an episode people we're getting to Ohio that was your chance Fuck

Amateurs have them on our show Bring me 20 year old meabz, Cecilia. I need hot. I need fresh. I need dates. This episode's on a two week delay. Predict something. That game's died. We'll see ourselves out. Thank you. All right. So then we cut to- I really hope Cecilia likes our show as much as Reno did. Join me for a whisper fight after the podcast. So, okay. So then the titles come up and they tell us we're at Stedman Junior High.

Junior Highs are what we had before we had middle schools, kids. Heck yeah! This is the point where I realized that before I had watched the Amazon version of this, which was, I don't know, a gritty reboot or something. Oh no! Which I guess that's what teaches me to pregame. So I had to go back and watch like Versions of this and let me say they're both really bad. Yeah, right. There's not a good one So okay, and I swear I'm not gonna spend the whole goddamn movie talking about the little titles that come up here But them fucking up military time is almost a subplot in this movie, right?

They just know it's numbers higher than 12. Well, they don't even know that, right? So they this at this point, they just have it listed as like 1045 as with the colon and everything. But then they just put hours at the end instead of AM. They think that makes it military. Oh, Lord. I honestly didn't even pay any attention to the little subtitle thingies for those numbers. And you're better for it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's 47 minutes long. I have to pay attention to everything, right? All right. So now we cut to everybody leaving Miss Kendall's class. And there are two boys outside Michael and some other character that never gets named and they're having a bit

of a heated altercation, right? Michael doesn't care about parties anymore because he's depressed. That's what we're learning in this scene. Yeah. The teacher helpfully lets us know this by telling him that his grades are falling and so is his attitude. Your attitude is falling? Mrs. Kendall, do you wanna go back out

and try this again, come back in? I've seen after school specials with better dialogue. Yeah, this was rough. True, yeah, no, this did not make the cut of after school special, right? These are the embittered losers who didn't make it to save by the bell levels of morality. Yeah.

Well, it's fucked save by the bell, but like legitimately that is what we're dealing with though, right? These are the writers that couldn't quite cut it for afterschool specials. They wait, you know, it's like when a musician can't quite cut it in pop, they go to Christian pop, right? It's the same thing. That's really is what's happening. Yeah.

This is what happened to Ben Shapiro. Yeah. Yeah. This is what happened to Ben Shapiro. Yeah. It is? I was just going to say, if you don't get recruited by Turning Point. What was he trying for? Right, right. So, okay. So then we check in in Bibleman's Cave.

Again, they fuck up the military time. They say it's 1057 hours with the colon, but it's the middle of the night, right? They show us the cave in the dark or the, I'm sorry, they show us Miles Manor or whatever in the dark, but the cave is near there. That's the establishing shot. And Eunice is making coats play hotter and colder for where she hid his keys or where he lost his keys. And can I say we should remind listeners that didn't listen to episode 155 Eunice's the computer well first of all if you didn't if you aren't caught

up on the Bible man's spoilers that's none of my fucking business you can't roll in like Cecilia when your young people takes I'm out here on the bleeding edge of Christian cinema okay 484 of these motherfuckers catch up! I've created a cannon! There's a backlog. From the Jake Joyce and Christian cinema! Okay. We're really happy to be here. Hey guys, I created a weird fucking vibe today. I do not know what it is.

My son just won't use the potty. I'm really taking that out on y'all today and I just I want to own that I'm gonna do a like a press conference thing when we're done recording Potty training is a rough stage. Thank you Cecilia back on my good list not so much you Reno Wait until they're teenagers All right So unis is playing hot and cold with the keys with with coats when Bible

Man comes in and he's got the sands. He's not feeling great. Right. But because no one in this movie has ever admitted to the feeling of sadness, they're all describing it incorrectly to attribute to Noah's best worst. Right. They're like, oh, really, you're feeling

sad. And it's like, mm hmm. What's that feel like? Well, it's... There's potatoes. You squeeze tighter and you don't have gay thoughts. I'm not gay. Is how it feels. Also and I apologize because I should have gone back and listened to the Bible man episodes to make sure that I wasn't just making the same observations and jokes. Because I've created a cannon.

Well, exactly. I should know the canon. Exactly. But like so he were in the budget Batcave, which is just it's just cheap scientific looking stuff, but it has stained glass windows in the background because religion, right? Because Christianity stained glass windows in the back and the weird lights that you can get from the back of a Spencer's gift. Right.

Exactly. Yeah. But my question is like, they're supposed to be underground in a cave. Yeah. He has to light them from the other side. Oh yeah. There you go. All right.

He totally has lights set up just to shine through those. Sure. Right. But they all take turns complimenting Bible man because that's what you need when you're having depression. Right. Coat says that he's the greatest and Eunice agrees that he's a total stud who could totally pick up high school girls if he wanted to. Well, Bible man straight up says maybe this is too much work for just one man. And I could see Coats like hiding his tears under his arm.

Yeah. What a dick thing to say to your sidekick! Yeah, maybe I could touch the Bible and give you some time off. Or have a thing I could drive. Maybe my lasers could do a thing. Or a costume. Like anything. Anything, yeah, right. I could have a cape. So, but just then, there's a transmission alert,

which is their phone rings, right? Eunice comes up, transmission alert. And it's just, it's just Ms. Kendall, who starts off her thing by going, Bible man, thank you for taking my call. Okay. I have so many questions. How does Ms. Kendall have direct access to Bible man? Right? Because like,

I get why commissioner Gordon has Batman's number. I want to know what part of the middle school incoming curriculum was. And by the way, if you have a question or a problem for Bibleman, here's how to FaceTime him. The clue, the clue is in thank you for taking my call. Bibleman has been ghosting her since they broke up. And this is the first time he's finally picked up. There's drama happening back here. Reno's got a cannon too y'all. Holy shit. So, war of the worlds here. All right. So,

yeah, but she's calling about Michael's dark moods and falling grades. And she's like, you know, if we're not careful careful he will miss the science fair. Those are the stakes of the yes that is they're gonna be the stakes the whole fucking video but first Coates has to do a few japs about the word kumquat. Oh my god first of all it's word-for-word stolen from the Sunshine Boys which I'm sure the writers who made this episode don't remember but it's like quick literally the pickle was funny k Kumquat is funny lines from The Sunshine Boys by Neil Simon. So weird for me to be like, Hey, you stole that from a Jew.

I don't know how I feel about it. It's all children's Christian comedy just has to grind everything to a halt and be like, here's the thing. It's funny. Knock, knock. Yeah. Money. Knock, knock. Yeah. Right.

So by the way, I learned in this moment, cause he goes, where does a silly word like that come from? I learned it. It's Cantonese for little orange, apparently. That's cool. I like that. I hate when the meaning is just something that makes sense. I like it when it means like the palm of God

and you've got to be like, ooh, right? Yeah, but no, little orange. That could be wrong. I think that was like an AI summary I looked at. I didn't really. It means like the palm of God and you've got to be like, ooh, right? That could be wrong. I think that was like an AI summary. I looked at I didn't wow. Yeah, it's a red I was cheating you lie to our friends when they arrive I was gonna say that at a party. I would have been so Reno could have died So in North Carolina, they murder you if you give fun facts that are in no, they don't know. I saw they voted there. They make you the governor. Yeah. So, okay. So, but Bible man at this point points out that he actually has a mobile version of Eunice

now, which they're going to call a satellite because of my best worst. They don't give a fuck what that word means. They sure don't. You guys were all hoping for a Flubber projection scene, right? Where she turns herself into a beautiful woman and tries to jerk off Bible man. I was hoping for that. I just want to say that everyone who has seen the Robin Williams hit movie Flubber absolutely got that joke and fucking loved it.

Okay. I'm just throwing that out there. I will bravely say yes. Thank you! But instead, we got this weird ball that gave me, I can't see a thing in this helmet, Star Wars flashbacks. Yeah. That little laser that shot Luke. Yeah.

Again, Star Wars theft. Strong in this film. Yeah. Yeah. They knew what was popular in the 80s. Yes. Like so many Christians creating things in the early 2000s. They knew what was popular in the 80s.

So okay, now apparently though the bad guy also has a secret camera in the Bible cave, right? Because we back way and he's also watching this conversation between Bible man and Coates. Now he's like, apparently at this point, he's like, ah, just what I was waiting for to enact my master plan. And we're like, what? He's like this part of the video. I guess. Right? Because he acts like, you know, Eunice being deployed as a drone is, is going to come into play later and it doesn't. Right? Right.

But this is the way we first actually get to see our bad guy. Up until now we've seen him like Dr. Claw, right? From behind or whatever. But now we actually see him. He is the master of misery. Yes. And this villain reveal did make me slightly more miserable. So hats off to the Wardrobe people.

Yeah, actually. Yeah. No, good point. Yeah. And they have this weird meta moment here, right? So for those of you who have been following along with the canon of my genius, first of all, thank you. I assume many of you are archivists from the future, sort of under F for funniest person that ever existed. I hope it's nice there in the future, but it's not. Also you will remember it is They're mostly

fighting over water at this point but the point is the point is you're studying my humor which means that you're aware that this guy was the fucking guy of fear in the last episode and so they need to apologize for that they need to be like why is this actor a different demon now and so they do a whole like oh I got my job chain but they do it too long, right? They have to go into like the corporate chain of hell and be like well I was actually moved laterally even though it came with a pay decrease But I was told that I'm no longer reporting to Helen and I don't like her

Yeah, sorry anyways, that's why I'm the same actor playing a different character That was much easier than he's my twin brother. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. So, so, but yeah, he's wearing a headset, Mike, and he's wearing like a fake baldness helmet over his real baldness. Yeah, very strange choice. No idea. It's a hat on a hat. Yeah, yeah, right. So then his sidekick comes in to relieve the comedy, right? Like, normally comic relief is there to be funny.

He's there so that funny can take a smoke break, right? Yes, truly. I think they just thought Skateboarder Voice would do a lot more carrying than it does, because he's like, you're a villain. And they pause while they're like, let's let the kids stop laughing at home. Right. They're probably really losing it because you talk like the state of California. There was so many wait for laughter pauses.

It would have been 28 minutes if you'd taken all that out. Also, they also at one point during this little meta bit, they they try to make a William Shatner joke. And I wrote in my notes, I don't know if this qualifies as a joke. What is the threshold? What is a quanta of humor? This show has me asking What's the smallest possible unit of humor that can elevate something to joke hood exactly? Yeah, that's where we're at right now in a dualist state where a thing can both be a joke and not And our observation of it has killed the captain.

Yes. Schrodinger's joke. Yeah! But those, but yes, but, but we learned that this guy, the master of misery, has his most diabolical invention yet. He has an anti-joy transmitifier. I have one of those. It's called my iPhone.

Yeah. Twitter. Yeah. But in order to get it worldwide, he needs to connect it to Bible man's, quote, unlimited power grid, end quote. I feel like if Bible man has an unlimited power grid, he has a lot of socio economic obligations. He's not fulfilling. Also, the master of misery does not know how depression works. You don't take over the world when you're depressed. You hardly get a shower when you're depressed. This is not going to work. His grand depression plans? No. Yes.

Oh, man. That's what we need. We need a depression character who has the actual plans of depression. You will watch the Avengers ending a bunch of times in a row. And eat potato chips. Yeah, I was going to say, I will buy stock and Lays potato chips. Door dash, my great secret weapon. All right. Well, I guess now that we've established our villain, we could take ourselves another break. But we're back in a minute with even more of Bible Man, the incredible force of joy.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So you see, Timmy, when Jesus is in your heart, you can never feel sad. Oh, wow. Hey, sorry, Bible Man? Who are you? Eli Bosnik,, sorry, Bibleman. Who are you? Eli Bosnik, podcaster, big fan. I was just giving this young man some tips on fighting depression. No, no, you were not.

You're actually kind of killing him, statistically speaking. He was? Yeah, yeah, no, he was. But you know what does help with depression? Therapy. It does? Sure does. If you're thinking of starting therapy,

give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So no breaking up with my therapist because they refuse to call me Bible man?

Exactly. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. Gee, thanks. Get out of here, Bible Man. Fine, but don't come crying to me

when Big Pharma has its hooks in you. Oh man, I hate you so much. What? I said I respectfully disagree. Cause it's an ad. So you're not coming to the Jamboree at all? I'm sorry Billy, I just don't feel like it. Never fear, the Strider is here.

Strider? Who are you? Well, first, I'm a very clever pun on SSRI. No, we got it, man. But I'm also here to scare those blues away. Hooray! Quick, put this in your mouth. A roll of toilet paper?

Yes. Let's try. Yep. But don't you feel better? Okay, honestly, yes, I do feel better. You're welcome. Alright, Timmy, let's get to the party. Sure thing.

Maybe I'll get lucky with Jessica tonight. Not so fast, kid. Yep. No, that's fair. And we're back for more of this shit and we're gonna rejoin the action a couple of days later with Eunice giving Bibleman an update on Michael's science project is the plot. Really wanted the computer to break character here and be like, we must have more important things to do.

What with our unlimited- Is there still child rape? So Bibleman's like, mmm's like, I look like we're going to have to run a covert biological scan. And I'm like, okay, first of all, that sounds like when you use a black light to check for jizz stains. But secondly, there's no way I can interpret that where it's not terrifying. Yeah. Right. There's a lot of invasion of privacy happening here. Yeah. Right. There's a lot of invasion of privacy happening here. Yeah.

So he sends out the secret camera drone, which they keep calling a satellite, to spy on children at their school. Yeah. Sorry. Do covert biological scans on children at their school. And just no one notices because none of these children look up and see a giant floating volleyball, I guess. Yeah, we're apparently playing by the Spider-Man rules where no one bothers to look up. Should be the one thing you do. Where's the spider? Yeah, and it's glowing green and it's got it makes noise and shit. Yeah, so it talks. Well, that's right. It talks and no one thinks that's weird.

There's just a floating, discombobulated voice. Right, right. They're like, well, it's above me, so I must not notice it. Yeah. So, but then she does the biological scan and then Bible man turns to Coates and he's like, well, I guess lunch. And they're like, yeah, we will in the movie take a lunch break I thought we would just get to see them sitting there eating in silence Christmas great sandwiches. We give you enough napkins at this place I don't understand you ever been to Jersey Mike's Jersey Mike's is really good

Not only give you a lot more napkins so you can just really just grab a bunch here I want Jersey Mike's now. Yeah, always. You always want Jersey Mike's and best part about Jersey Mike's, the owner of Jersey Mike's fucked a shark. Well, yeah, take that home. Enjoy it everybody. You are trying to divert me.

Damn it. I'm going to stay on. No, there are four seconds left in this movie. I'm doing this right now. We're going to have to pause. Yeah. I can Google. Do it in incognito mode. Four seconds left in this movie. I'm Googling this right now. We're going to have to pause so I can Google.

Do it in incognito mode. Safe search off, baby. So as, while Cecilia's Googling the shark fucking. We've lost her for the rest of the show. So but apparently that lunch break is what the master of misery was waiting for to trigger his evil plan to tunnel into the Bible cave. Are we not going to mention what they're getting to eat? Oh, yes.

Yes. They're having a, the Scooby Doo rules, they're going to have a liver and anchovy pizza. Yeah. Because gross. Coats is gross. Yeah. And then Bible man says that coats needs therapy. pizza. Yeah. Because gross. Coats is gross. Yeah. And then Bible man says that coats needs therapy and the belief in therapy gives me more hope

than is probably warranted. Yeah. For sure. It was a simpler time back then when Christians could have talked about therapy without getting embarrassed. I didn't think therapy existed in this world, like in this timeline. So yeah, maybe. Fingers crossed.

It is hard to reconcile a world with both therapy and Bible man. Yeah. Yeah. No, you feel like one precludes the other. All right. So, so we cut to it. They've broken in. We have Eunice screaming about an intruder alert, but Miles and Coates are out having their liver and anchovy pizza so they don't hear her. So with that, no idea what good the fucking intruder alert's doing. Okay.

Can I say something? Let me, let me tread lightly for a moment. There was a real violation of the only woman voiced character theme to this episode that I did not care for. Yeah, twice. It was way worse the second time. But yeah, like it didn't occur to me till the second time how bad it was. But yeah.

To use the parlance of our guest this week, I got a real killing joke vibe, if you know what I'm talking about again. I do. I do. I felt like Eunice was being used as a kind of a plot device to motivate the men in her life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, and it also doesn't help that ultimately what Eunice is saying is,

please take your hands out of me, you know, and stuff like that. Because she's the robot and he's getting into the computer to hook his anti-joy gun up, right? Yeah. When Eunice was hiding the keys earlier, she told Coates that it would help him become more observational. They obviously do need this help. Right? Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah.

Because they walk right by the bad guys as they're leaving and no one backs an eye. And I just... Right. It was a little bit... They're not detectives. Certainly not. And they don't even like cover back up the tunnel. They dug into the Bible case. Also, what's the point in having an intruder alert if the people not there don't get it?

Right. Yeah, exactly. But they do the second time. That's the thing that makes it even more confusing. Yes. Thank you. Well, and even worse, when Miles and Coates get back from lunch, Eunice isn't like, hey, guess what happened while you were gone? No. She doesn't tell them.

No, they walk in and their shovels leaned up against the wall. Trust us, digging happened. You don't have to see it. You see the shovels. They dug fast. Yeah. During the lunch break, yeah.

Yeah. And she feels no need to be like, while you were gone, I was violated in this way by a gun. So yeah. Right. Right. So and look, this is very easy to solve from a storytelling perspective because we sent Eunice out as a like a robot. You could say her consciousness was in the little... Right, she wasn't there when they did the thing. But the fact that you have her going intruder alert, you can't do that, that fucks up that excuse. Right. She just, you know, she's a good Christian woman, she didn't want to mention it. Oh God.

Oh no! I don't want to bother you. Oh no! I don't want to ruin the Super Bowl. Yeah. I didn't write the, I didn't write to bother you. I don't want to ruin the Super Bowl. Yeah. I didn't write the... I didn't write Bible Man, okay? No, you didn't. You're just pointing it out.

My Eunice would do a full I Spit on Your Grave for the record. Well, she gets revenge later. She does. She does. She does murder this guy. She does do a full I Spit on Your Grave. Yeah, actually. Yeah, she does. Spoilers. Is this where the Master of Misery has his one-off laugh track line where he looks at

the camera? Yes, right. You can't, are you allowed to do that? To have a laugh track for just one line? Once? Well, I think that the writers or directors of this film went through the same existential fugue state that No Illusions did and they were like, you know what? I'm not sure what's a joke,

but I know if we put a laugh track in there, they have to admit that at least we tried to make a joke. Well, if that was the idea, they needed more. Yeah, exactly. Well, right, because here's the joke, right? So Ludacris is playing pong on the Bible computer when they hear Bible man coming and they have to leave. And he's like, hey, what should we do?

And the master of misery turns to the, you know, turns to the fourth wall and he goes, it's like talking to foam. And then there's just some crickets are going like, is that our cue? And then they're like, no, no, laugh track, laugh track. No, there's laughter somewhere. Get it? Oh, but then they leave. And again, like there's just a tunnel now, like a hole in the fucking Bible cave that Bible man and coach will never see. Yep. And then the title cards pop up and they're like, Bible man's cave. And we're like, that's where we were.

And then the time comes up and it says 1 42pm. And I'm like, well, they just got back from lunch where that's when it was. We haven't gone anywhere. Why? What are you doing here titles? By the way, just a side note because I did look it up. It's the dude who owns Jimmy John's not It was the guy who owned Jimmy John. You know what that was bothering me, but sometimes Step into my office sometimes I like to say things that aren't true on our show because it turns it into an ARG. Our listeners in the Patreon feed, they're just sort of trying to solve the little riddles

much like Reno's favorite character. Look at you bringing it back. I'm sort of a riddler of my own, but it's a riddle based on the things that came out of my mouth. There's a term for that. We call it fibbler. Yeah, exactly. Just lying. Wow. things that came out of my mouth. There's a term for that. We call it fibler. Yeah, exactly.

Just lying. Wow. So you got beat by Bible, man. Part of my part. Yeah, exactly. Part of my podcasting canon, you mean? Yeah. So, OK, so now we're back at the Bible

Cave or still at the Bible Cave, and they're noticing a few problems with Michael's bio scans. There's a lot of neural interference and some quote, I'm sorry, his heart is experiencing some quote, electro motivational flux. Who wanted all this science babble in the middle of the Bible man show?

Like who was looking at the script for this episode of the Bible man show and was like, I just feel like we need to really dig into the mythos more of the staster of depression. I'm just I'm just not buying it. You know, I mean, you usually use this kind of like tech speak to shore up like weak parts and your plot. Yeah, but it's all weak spot. Like there's, there's not enough tech speak in the world to cover this all up. And not only that, the end result is that they look at all of this, you know, the neural interference and the electro-motivational flux and they go, whoa, this kid is depressed.

Miss Kendall fucking told you that! I was gonna say a thing they could have learned from the phone call with the person they had. Yes. Yeah, don't need fucking bios scans. They say at this point that his heartbeat is too regular. have learned from the phone call with the person they had. Yes. Yeah. Don't need fucking bios scans. They say at this point that his heartbeat is too regular. That's not a thing. Guys, that's not a thing. What does that mean?

Most more regular, the better. They were just trying to comfort you, Noah. They were like, yeah. That's really the equivalent. That's the medical equivalent of saying it's quiet. Yeah. Quiet. Right, yes.

So, and then quite suddenly there's an alarm and Eunice says, neural net compromised and the gauge on the screen says lethal. We don't know what any of that means and never will, but the camera goes shaky so that means it's action time. The acting was just so bad at this part that it's like, the disbelief was already not working, but like it was so stark. Yeah. Because the camera is shaky and they're doing like the most and it's just so flat. Yeah.

I don't think I've ever seen such bad acting. Well Coates says at this point, because we don't know what any of this means, Coates goes, it's time for Bible man. And so Bible man runs over the VHS starts over. Do you hate those Jews in Hollywood? So, but but no, but fuck. So miles runs over to the Bible man outfit and we get that full armor of God sequence that we love so much. Again. If Iron Man was religious.

Yes. The full armor sequence versus the kink armor sequence, which is just the cape and the cow. Oh, I want that one. Yeah. He goes, full armor sequence, execute now. And we get this weird things where like, for each of the five items

coats will say the name of the item and then The fucking voiceover guy from every toy commercial in the 90s would repeat it, right? Coats would go we spell the truth and the guy would go waste belt of truth So he gets through doing them and then they get to sort of the spirit where coats is supposed to say it and have it Repeated and Bible man is just like and we didn't pay for this, but there's also a sort of the spirit. Yes Who puts on their belt first? First thing that goes on and it is that's not how clothes work So I love the visual here right because it's the belt and then there's a breastplate

and a shield and a sword and a helmet. So, his dick is out. His dick is just flopping around. Straight up Donald Duck in it. Yes. No. Bible man, indeed. Now that he's fully attired, I figured out that he is dressed very close to Shaquille O'Neal in the 1997 hit Steel. Yeah, there's some real steel vibes. Will we say hit? Yeah, if you spray painted him purple. Sure. Sure. Yeah, it's a work of art.

I just, we did that one time for a secular bonus episode in the part of that movie where the, with a paraplegic girl has to drag herself up and they're all just going no don't help her She needs to do this on her own. It's one of my favorite moments in the history of fucking cinema Yeah And funnily enough trump just appointed that scene as the head Of disability services. Yeah, not the person the scene., the scene is just gonna play that whenever people need help. Right, right.

So okay, but then, so Bible man now has his Bible man outfit on, so he jumps on the Bible bike and he heads to Stedman Junior High. So we cut to the school where the baddies are sneaking around, they're like expositing about their nefarious plan to fucking ruin Michael's science fair motivation. Mm hmm. Yeah.

Is what they're after. We see Miss Kendall trying to cheer Michael up, but she's no match for the master of misery's sadness, Ray. Yeah. But you know who is? Motherfucking Bible man. Bible man! H hiding under the stairs, which I can I say I'm grateful that the villains were here because when they said it's time for Bible man, I was like, what is he going to do to help Michael punch him until he feels better? I mean, luckily

there's someone here for him to fist fight. Otherwise he would have just showed up and been like, I'm a guy who touched a Bible. My dick is out. I don't know what to do. And I'm into school. Did you hear about the CEO of Jimmy John? There's a photo. You can find it pretty easily. Yeah. Yeah. Why is Michael being in the science fair so important? They never establish, like, does he invent something special in the future? Well, he's going to represent the young earth worldview, a much needed perspective.

Oh, yes. In science. Everybody they can get. Yeah. So, yeah. So now it's time for one of the staples of Bible Man shows. This is the part where Bible Man runs around lightsaber fighting somebody while quoting Bible verses? Mm-hmm. So lightsabers aren't copyrighted at all? Like just get them out and use them. Apparently not.

Okay. Clearly you could just get away with that shit. Good to know. And also, like, so I want to point out, so we've watched, I think like three other episodes of Bible Man before, he's reusing the same goddamn Bible verses. He sure is.

Roman's grown 21. He's, we've seen him do that one, I think maybe more than once before. Oh yeah. See, this is what happens when you don't read the Bible, you just touch it. Yeah, right, right. That's what happened when he became Bible man.

He just touched the book, he did not read the book. He knows like these five and like three of the baguette verses and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so they're locked in battle and Ludacris, Windows like these five and like three of the baguette versus. And that's it. So, yeah, so they're locked in battle and Ludacris, the sidekick is just like, hey, I have the anti-joy gun, do you want me to shoot him in the back? And he's like, yes, shoot him in the back. Yes, that's why you're here, man.

Right. But Bible man somehow doesn't like dodge or anything. He just gets shot. They're talking about like like shoot him in the back in three, two, got him, you know, whatever. It would have cost too much to try to actually figure out where the ray was going. Oh sure. It was easier to just have him get shot. Right, clearly. Well, they could have just replayed his cartwheeling scene and then just assumed he got out of the way. And this is the scene where Bible man is going to offer us his first real solution to depression, which is James where James says, think of bad things as good things.

I don't know. Yeah, right. Right. So yeah, he shoots the laser at him and he goes, I love Jesus too much to be affected by your depression, Ray. Depression is something that only happens to people who aren't Christian enough. And we're all like, oh God, is that the message?

Yes, that's the fucking message. Cause you know what was sad about Bible man for me up to this point? It didn't have a body count. Right? It didn't have a body. Sure. These assholes jumping around in rubber suits

didn't have a demonstrable murdery vibe. Yeah. And don't worry if you didn't catch it. They're going to double, triple, quadruple down on this fact. Yes. I'm just gonna say Ludacris as a person deserves better than the representation he's given in this movie. Thank you. Ooh. Yes. And he deserved to be played by Ludacris.

I agree with that. Absolutely. I would love just Ludacris taking a piss on this movie the entire fucking time. One of the many things that the Fast and the Furious franchise snatched from between our hands is Ludacris' appearance in this film. I like that the only reason Ludacris isn't in this movie is because there was a schedule conflict. That's it! That was all it was. He was shooting the scenes in Fast and the Furious 10, where they go to space and he could not make the rigorous two day shooting schedule of Bible man. Incredible. Yeah. So OK, so we so we cut back to the Master of Misery's hideout.

He's just been defeated by Bible man's incredible force of joy. It's not as sexy as I just made it sound. But this is where like he and Ludacris are kind of licking their wounds and realizing they need to amp up their sadness gun. They're just doing bits while they wait for the scene to start. It's like, what if I said hi and you said, oh, thank God. Okay, it's time to do our lines. Yeah, there's the echoes, the bit with the where he's yelling echoes in there.

Yeah, they did a never ending story reference, which you know hats off for that. Well, that was the high point of the film really wasn't it like when he would he the high point of all of these episodes Are when they reference better media, right? They're like, okay, we stole a lightsaber and we stole dropping down like batman. No, that's fair. They just start quoting Monty Python movies like eighth grade me. It's only a flesh wound. Yeah, so okay, so the the master of misery he's like toying with his gun and ludicrous is like but what if it what if Bible man's right? What if God is too powerful and that? Know your audience, Luda. And that your audience, Luda.

Well, yeah, exactly right. Because what that apparently does is cue the master of misery to start singing a goddamn musical number. Hell, yeah. And you know what? He's a better singer than an actor. Yeah. That's what that says. No, but it is true. No, but he's not bad.

He's actually he's he's way, way better than I was expecting when he started singing Yeah, yeah, but yeah, so and this is another one of those things like the opening credit sequence We're like I always forget that there are musical numbers in this fucking show Things that are always gonna be true one We will always find the armor of God funnier than we did the last time too. They sing and we will not remember that they sing. Right. So, okay. And I'm not going to dwell on all the fucking rhymes, but his opening rhyme in this goddamn song was said with created. That was the opening bid when it came to rhymes. It doesn't get better.

I wrote in my notes at this point, the rhymes here are designed to drive no illusions into a personal fugue state This wasn't a mate I mean this three-minute song only took 24 minutes according to my internal clock But the best part was when the ladies from the simply irresistible music video The depression backup dancers. Yes, yes. So good. Well, yeah, because he's singing about how happiness is bullshit. And I'm like, all right, well, the rhymes suck, but I like the message, right?

Yeah. But again, they couldn't think of any actual bad things because that would bring up the problem of evil. See, I think an eight-year-old with a rattle speaks of other issues, though. There were probably some really sad things that they were hinting at, but not quite saying. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, he's got the chorus of the song says, nothing makes me happy, nothing makes

me shine, and nothing makes me see the fun or leave my troubles behind. That's what we're bopping out to here. Yeah. Quality of Rhyme and Strip. We're working with everybody. Oh, that's the best they ever do. That's like better than the rest of the lion's wish. They could be as good as Shine and Behind. And this sent me into a bit of a crisis because I assumed none of these people were human until this point. And then I was like, oh, this was just a normal kid who had a really bad day one day and has been in a depression spiral ever

since. And if I know Bible man, he's going to get murdered. He's going to murder him for it. Bill, you're absolutely right. Because like that there is kind of a like, it's really hard to do a silly funny song where song where the message is, I wallow in depression all the time and am gray and melancholic, right? And they don't- You agree to disagree, no illusions?

Well, it's tough. I'm not saying you can't do it. I'm saying they can't do it, right? So at the end, you're just like, okay, so this guy just needs a fucking hug, right? Right. We'll watch the master of depression go through ECT and he's like, wow, that really fucking helped.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, this video just song did us and I believe we're entitled to compensation. So I'm going to call an 800 number real quick, but first let me give act three the hard sell. Will Michael continue to feel a little meh? Will the science project, which he will complete despite the evil depression ray, not really

be all that it could be? Will Bible Man fucking murder the Master of Misery in cold blood? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the aw-shucks conclusion of Bible Man, the incredible force of joy. I'm telling you Coats the master of misery is around here somewhere we've got to find him. You said it Bibleman. Excuse me young man what's this exhibit on? Oh it's on fossils. Nice try. Bibleman you killed that kid. Not at at all coats that's a minion of misery spreading the devil's lies hey Bible man come check out my poster on evolution

you wish anti-fish another minion hundred percent coats hey kid um yeah what's your exhibit on? It's about how bats are birds. Bats are mammals kid. Everybody knows Bible I mean, I mean good job kid Thanks And we're back for still more of this shit and Now fully recovered from the music number or at least as fully recovered as we will ever be. We're going to dive back into the Bible cave with Eunice asking Bible man about his experiences

with the sadness ray. Right? He explains that the wave drew the joy from his very soul. Yeah. This was the first time it occurred to me to ask, and maybe in a previous episode of Ask also, but but like, why is the Bible cave, you guys think, covered in a thick layer of smoke on the floor at all time?

Great question. Great. I assume it's from those Catholic swingy mobobbers. Right. He's just got them going like the sensors. OK, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's exactly right. I feel like these guys are going to wind up with mesothelioma from working in this environment all the fucking time. But for some reason they get a religious exemption to the lawsuit. It's a whole thing. You know, I just realized the Ray drew the joy from his very soul.

It's like a Dementor attack. Oh yeah, absolutely. Harry Potter. They're going to be so mad that they invoke Harry Potter. I know. Yeah. So, but then, so Bible man and coach, they realized there must be a joy taker away array that's working against Michael, but how would he find a way to boost his signal enough? And again, I cannot emphasize enough.

I do not know why they decided to dive into the science of the depressorator ray. Right? They were like, I'm telling you, man. Look, what's the best part of Star Wars? The midi-chlorians. Exactly. We need to get into the hard science elements of the depressorator ray. Yes.

Right. But they realize, well, so like credit where credit's due, Eunice realizes that he's waiting to really spring his Depressorator Ray on everybody until everybody's gathered together for the science fair. Thank goodness for Eunice, otherwise they'd still be Superman posing while the Master of Misery wins. Right? Yeah. She's done while the Master of Misery wins. Right? Yeah. She's done all the fucking work here.

Yeah. This made a great point. I want all the Christian kids to notice that nothing good can come from science. Yes. And now we are creating several hundred emo kids all at one time. Oh God. And now that, yeah, now I know how high the stakes are. Right.

Now it's real. Right. shit just got real, wow. Actually, that's episode 11, the Divorcerator, every time you divorce a set of parents, you create an emo kid. So, okay, so I have a question about, I know this is such a stupid thing to say, but I have a question about the Master of Misery's plan, right, because if his goal was to lure everyone

to the science fair, why would he start off by making Michael too depressed to go to the science fair? Well, Noah, I don't want to spoil the end of the episode, but that might not actually be his plan. Oh, okay, all right. I'm looking forward to the reveal that you've got for me. So, okay, so. Here's hoping I remember what the fuck So, okay, so we cut to the science fair Bible man and coats show up in full costume

Right the computer ball has to stay hidden but by the man in French man French man, I called French part Legion again. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. Yeah, coats can just walk around the premises as they are. I feel like, look, if I'm sending my kid to a school that doesn't step Bible man at the fucking door, I'm worried about the safety of my child. You're living in Trump's America now, Noah. You've got to prepare Bible man to be at the science fair. No, you're right.

You're lucky Bibleman isn't the super superintendent of Oklahoma. Oh, Lord. Okay, can I say something from my heart? Because I made a joke. I would rather have Bibleman. No, I was sitting here saying the same thing. I was like, at least Bibleman has principles though, right? Yeah. He doesn't like the fibss fibler or whatever that Jewish woman was

He does believe in therapy enough to suggest it Yeah, exactly, maybe a better health director than Dr. Oz. Yeah, right. Yeah, absolutely or RFK, Jr. Yeah speaking of super villains So right so yeah So they get into the science for they're, we need to stay close to Michael. And I'm like, why? And he's like, I just like the way his hair smells. Michael, your dads are here. Yeah.

So they come over and they introduce themselves to Michael. And I feel so sorry for this fucking poor actor, because he is simultaneously being asked to be really excited to meet Bible man, which is already a tall order to fill as an actor, but also he has to remain depressed. Yeah. Because that's his whole thing. So this poor fucking guy is trying to embody both of these contradictory traits simultaneously and he does, he gives it his all. He doesn't pull it off because it's literally impossible, definitionally impossible, but

he sure as hell tries. So, yeah. I mean, I got the vibe from this conversation that even Michael thought Bible man could be using his time better. Yeah, 100%. You're here about my, I did do a science project. It's just, I was just depressed. What?

And he tells Bible man that he said, and Bible man's answer is being happy isn't about what goes right. It's about how we handle when it goes wrong. And again, even though that's supposed to be a truism platitude, that is not what being happy is about. That's about handling unhappiness. Yes. But I will admit, there is a great moment in the scene that I absolutely love where he

goes, well, everyone else's science project is better than mine. And Bibleman and Coates are like, well, as long as you tried your hardest. And I don't know if you all don't speak parent, but that is code for the thing you just said is true. Yes. Well, but so, and then that's the worst part is that they go, well, did you try your best? And we're like, no, because he was depressed. The whole plot of this show is that he really didn't put his all into that. And he's like, yeah. And he's like, well, there you go

then. There you go. It's like I used baby powder instead of baking soda in this volcano. I ain't doing shit. So yeah, but he's like, well, let me just proselytize to you about Jesus a little bit. And he's like, Oh, wow. Isn't this a public school? And he's like, what? But then we cut back, we get the really uncomfortable scene with the master of misery going elbow deep in Eunice. Yeah. Yeah. This is the one where she's literally saying, get your hands out of me. And can I say this also pays off the thing that I said before that I wasn't sure I was going to remember, because it turns out he wasn't trying to lure everyone to the science fair.

He was trying to pretend he was luring everyone to the science fair so that Bible man would go to the science fair so he could go back into the lab and do the thing that he did before but again and more. I am going to have to give him credit. This is better thought out than some of the comic books we have read. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, like the Joker's plan and fucking Dark Knight.

Still a better twist than identity crisis. So I think you're actually making it smarter than it is because I think his plan was to do this so that he could use his Bible Ray at the science fair. I think they actually were trying to have their cake and eat it too there. But I also have this important question. So at this point, first of all, Eunice puts out a, an alert, an intruder alert and Coats gets it this time. Right. So Coats comes up to Bible man who didn't get it apparently. And he says, you know, there's a code blue intruder alert what it why would that be a code blue why do you have a code for someone's

elbow deep in Eunice well how often are villains ending up elbow deep in Eunice a color-coded system and how is that only rise to the level of a blue what happens at red Jesus fucking fucking Christ, guys. Well, when it's code red, they're not elbow deep in units. Oh my God. Different body parts. Same problem. Oh dear.

So, yeah, so, but yeah, they learn at this point that the lab is where he's been transmitting his sadness ray from the whole time. So Bible man and Coates have to split up. He's like, you stay at the at the science fair. I'll go back to the lab. And Coates is like, okay, but we just learned nothing is happening at the science fair. Why am I hold on a second? This episode is brought to you by the concept of security cameras. Right? Or locks on the doors. Yeah. Or passwords. Maybe investigating the shovels that are just left hanging out. You didn't bring in yourself.

AGT sponsored this episode of Bible Man. So yeah, so Bible Man jumps back on the Bible bike and heads back to the Bible cave. Which I am now 100% sure is just Batgirl's bike from the 60s Batman TV show. Oh, okay. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So, okay. So, back at the cave, Eunice is protesting more.

She's yelling about an unauthorized intruder alert, which suggests the existence of an authorized intruder, which is weird. But just then, just at the rapiest moment in this entire thing, Bible man shows up for a second lightsaber battle. Oh yeah, we had three days of lightsaber choreography practice everybody. Let's do this thing. Fuck yeah. So this is where they blow their pyrotechnic budget.

There is a small explosion at this point. I point that out because they're going to be really proud of that later on. Oh, they're so proud of it. Yeah, that's the explosion that kills the doctor of depression or is that the lightning storm? No, no, that's just that's just a say an explosion, but then he releases the satellite that they had earlier the drone and explains that you can never steal the joy from a true Christian and Eunice like starts undoing all of his stuff that he's done to the computer,

like her drone starts reprogramming it. So she could have fixed herself if someone had just asked her to. Yeah, that was what she was missing. You know, this is really advanced tech for the 90s. I'm surprised the Christians now would be worried about 5G. Yeah, 100% yeah, nothing.

They'd have Eunice in a Faraday cave. Right. So, yeah, but Eunice explains that a reverse overload is imminent. So an under load, I don't know what the fuck that is, but that is when the lightning bolt leaps out of, they say to the Master of Mystery, they're like, you better get out of here, reversal, under load or whatever. Very important. And he's like, I don't know what that means.

And then a lightning bolt explodes him to death. So again, we have now killed two sentient humans in this episode so far. Yes. Ludacris is lucky to have gotten out with his skin. Honestly, yeah. Right. I'm glad Eunice got revenge for the creep touching her though. Yes, right.

That part wasn't... Yeah. A full I spit on your grave. No, yeah. He deserved to explode like the potato he exploded. Yeah, no, it was good. The other guy, we never saw what he did, so if he was a creep too, that's fine. We're good.

Yeah. So, okay. So then now having taken care of the master of misery, Bible man hurries back to the science fair where everyone is much happier now. Yeah. They're all feeling better, including Michael. Yeah. How did he do at the science fair?

They never- We don't need that answer. I need to know. It distracted me for the rest of this episode. Like, did he win? Did he get last place? We don't know. Yeah. What happened? Right. I don't think Bible man was ready to commit that any of their people would win a fine science fair. They were setting themselves up for trouble. Yeah. Right. So yeah. So, but Michael turns to Bible man. He's like, Hey, you know, how, how do I keep the joy when things go wrong in my life? And Bible man says, Jesus.

Just a quick question. What went so wrong in this kid's life? Something about a party. Like his dad killed himself and he found the body. Oh, did you not watch the extended cut? Yeah, so the dad was in same-sex traction therapy but it was not going well and he Sort of did a late-night thing with another dad and then the coach of the baseball team found out because he was at that same Bar and he shot himself in the garage and Michael's the one who found him You see why people don't know the Eli Cannon. This is why it just takes these dark fucking turns now. I say the Eli cannon into the microphone I don't control how much of it reaches the people It's not my job fanfiction.net. Thank you

Fanfiction is an underserved category Bible man rule 34. I'm gonna Google that Oh, Bible man rule 34. I'm going to Google that. Oh no. So, okay. So then we cut back over to the Bible cave where Miss. Yep, it exists. Yeah, of course it exists. So, Miss Kendall has now left them a message about how great everything's going with Michael. She says, Michael's performance has really picked up. And I'm like, that sounds like you're talking about ED medication or something. And he's getting along better with his mom, which I didn't know he wasn't getting along

with his mom. Which was never introduced in the first place. But they fixed it. The problem that we didn't know happened. It's a problem also that he's not going to enough underage parties. I really don't understand what was wrong with Michael. That's kind of how they established it. Yeah. Yeah.

So Michael's doing fine. And then they hang up with with Miss Kendall and coach is like, I'm sure happy you're not grumpy like you were at the beginning of this episode. And Bible man says, Yeah, no, if you ever express any kind of depression, it means that you don't love Jesus enough. So you should really bottle that kind of stuff up kids. So is Bible man having a crisis of faith? Never.

Not anymore. He's not. God damn it. You'll never get him to admit what he's feeling. The Bible man slash Ethan Wright story. It took me in the entire episode to figure out who he was reminding me of, but it's Jared from Subway. Oh, my God. His civilian identity is Jared from Subway. Yes.

Bring up another Subway. I'm about to say this. Mogul. Kai Tycoon. This episode is really sub packed, isn't it? It is. We should check. Can I say based on this information we have, we should check on Jimmy John.

We should just bust into his house with a SWAT team every like three to six months. Just be like, sorry man It's just statistically you're doing a thing We gotta check hopefully it's a shark That's a best-case scenario. Yeah So yeah, so but then just then there's a transmission alert. Oh, sorry They they all they get around they get together and count their blessings for a bit. You know, Bible man talks about how he's got a great job and great friends and all that jazz, which again is, that's such a bad, like this episode is about depression. So you can't end it with, but I have a great job and a great house and

great family and great friends because like a lot of people don't. What if you don't have those things? Right, exactly. A lot of people don't. What if you don't have those things? Right, exactly. Listen, a lot of people don't. That's often why they're so depressed. Unless you're some kind of loser, some limp dick loser. Every woman I have sex with has an orgasm right away. Someone who doesn't even have a costume or their own vehicle starts crying again. Yeah, right. I don't have a costume or their own vehicle starts crying again. Yeah, right.

I don't have a good job. So yeah, but then they get a transmission alert. The glutton is escaping from Sector 5. The glutton, and they say like, oh, he'll be eating everything in sight. So just in case there wasn't some fucking fat shaming in the movie. Yeah, exactly. They wanted a little bit. Oh, is the same dude going to wear a fat suit for the next one?

Oh, we'll let you know. We'll call you in. Yeah. Yeah. So, but then he's like, I'll get back on the Bible bike and Coates is like, hey, when do I get a signature vehicle? And the show ends. So like, you have to imagine like, Coates like getting on the bus, right? Like you know what? Can't Bible man at least have a... My Uber's 15 minutes away and the guy's texting me to cancel. I'm not going to cancel. I'm going to make him cancel.

Let him cancel. Bible man! If he doesn't have his own vehicle, what keys does he keep losing? Is he bringing... Oh, interesting. Is this like a piecemeal... They're the ones to his cock cage. Again, you need to read the fan fiction I wrote. I sent it out to you guys before you came on the show.

Send me a link to your fan fiction and I'll leave you kudos. Thank you. Fellow AO3 survivor, everybody. Yes. Amen. Pretty skibbity Ohio up in here, isn't it? So... Free frame. Cecilia, we free frame. That's the end of the podcast. So the episode, no. Okay. So that's the end of the episode. It's not the end of the podcast though yet. Cause the Bible managed to pop up for a fucking knowing as half the battle

monologue. This is the worst sailor moon says segment ever. I feel like we've, we've determined the exact age difference between you and me, Cecilia, because I went GI Joe and you went Sailor Moon or whatever. I think there's a seven year difference between our ages. I have also made her read GI Joe though. Oh, right on. Well, good for you.

Good for you. I made you read Sailor Venus. Also true. We're even. Oh, I'm intrigued, but we'll save that until we're off the air. So okay. Also, even, oh, I'm intrigued, but we'll save that until we're off the air. So, OK, so Bible man shows up and direct the cameras us a little bit to say, hey, if you're sad, fucking stop it. Stop it. Cut it out.

You're making me angry. You loser. So, yeah, being depressed will make Jesus sad. And that's on you. But if you're not a depressed asshole, you too can put on the full armor of God. Just remember belt first. Yes, exactly. He also ends with a call to, if you're not a Christian yet, you know, accept Jesus in your life, talk to your parents.

Oh, right. Of course. It's an altar call. Yeah. Yeah. And I admire, I really admire the optimism that someone who wasn't already saved What ever watched this would ever get that far who the fuck? Starts with Bible man, you know, look, I don't know much about this Christianity thing

But if they have a superhero aimed at children, that's how I like to explore imagine that is yours. I got saved story It's like I was in drugs I was in a motorcycle game. But one day I saw Bible man. I saw Billy Eaves. In the garage and I got last place at the science fair. It really spoke to me. No, so, but here's the thing though. Here's the really sad admission of this. The goal of Bible man isn't to proselytize to Christian kids. It's to make the Christian

kids like it so they'll play it when their friends come over. The idea is that you'd be watching this with your buddy, going like, hey, let's watch Bible man. And they'd go like, Bible man, that sounds pretty lame. And you'd say there's a lot of sword fights in it. And they go, ooh, sword fights. And then they would watch this and they'd get to this part and they'd be like, I want to be a Christian like Bible man. That is literally their goal. Their stated goal with us. Oh, I wish them all the luck. No, no, I don't. Yeah, the opposite of that. And perhaps sensing that that was a really depressing end for a future podcast, we also get a big long behind the scenes role at this point.

Yeah, a behind the scenes role that ends with, and I want to be clear here, I am not exaggerating, ends with, if we didn't clear here I am not exaggerating ends with if we didn't laugh we'd kill each other yeah that's true yes yeah he does say that so first with though we get a bunch of shots of like we did to have real cameras look how real our cameras were real cameras mats on the floor professional production right right yeah we get willie ames that's the actor that plays bible man He's talking about the importance of Bible man I love this opening line because he goes like well, you know the difference between Bible man and those other caped crusader superheroes is Buzz the Jesus stuff. It's all

I left out loud. It made me so happy. You might not have called it What what does Captain America not do? Yeah. Quote Romans at you. Yeah, right. Exactly. Never does that. I bet he would.

Yeah, if anybody's going to do that. I feel like they'd cut it out. Yeah. I bet he was racist, too. I bet the first week him and Nick Fury worked in the same building, they had to have a lot of talk No, that's the secret of Captain America, he's always woke. Oh Yeah, he was frozen long enough. Mm-hmm now he's woke

So but they he tells us the the story we just watched right? Willie Ames does and then we get a quick interview with the guy who plays Master of Misery who has nothing. He's just like well The main bad guy man, I'm in it. I didn't mean it. I read my lines things hard do so Not everyone's co-worker offers them a podcast Eli. I don't know what the fuck Sometimes the lights companies goes out of business and you can't drive for Uber. I don't know Sometimes the lights company goes out of business and you can't drive for Uber. I don't know. Also, I want to point out that during this, like these series of interviews and everything, that scene where Bible man like descends from on high, like with his Batman cape out and there's a couple of explosions or whatever, they show us that shot like six fucking times

during this behind the scenes. They were so proud of it. Oh my God. So yeah, so they show that as much, they show us Mark Wayne, the guy who played Coats, given his interview about what Coats is all about, and it's so sad. It's so very, very sad.

Coats is also here. Yeah. Although he says something like, Coats brings the technology and also a bit of chaos. And when he says chaos, his eyes got so big and creepy Yeah, I was wondering where he was gonna go with that like if he's just gonna like attack the cameraman or something There was a dark fucking moment there Yes, exactly

And also by the way, we should point out that Willie aims at during one of his interviews here He actually literally calls the swords lightsabers. He's like, well, you know, the thing about the lightsabers is that they represent scripture. I'm like, you can't just say the word lightsabers. Copyright has to mean some fucking thing. Let's be real. How many people are making it to the behind the scenes portion? Well, that's Lucas's people just haven't gotten here yet. They cut it off way before this part. No, that's fair. If they make it past the song.

Yeah, right. No, they're on your side. Yeah. We're the first people, the first secular people that have ever ventured this far in. Yeah. The lightsabers represent the word of God and nothing else. Not penises, not a famous sci-fi franchise. Nothing else. Just the word of God.

How did you not get that? Yeah. And then they say that bizarre line that Eli was talking about, about how they would kill each other if they weren't laughing. I don't get that, man. Their podcast is about to go on a break. That's yeah, their podcast is about to go on a break It seems so unnecessarily violent it came out of nowhere and he's like we didn't laugh we kill each other Coats is unable to join us this week It's like a serial killer like the pre-confession for the serial killer yes

Yeah, have we checked in on Willie Ames? Jesus. So yeah. And then there's this this very like, you know, it's we laugh a lot on the thing, but we're very serious. We all worked very hard to make this happen. And I'm like, man, somehow that was the saddest thing in your episode. Yeah, that's worse. You've made it worse. I'd really love it if you had just been

like, we have asked this thing. I don't know why you're watching. Everybody's having fun here. Yeah, that would have been... Christians will buy whatever, am I right? Cha-ching! Honestly, if this had ended with cha-ching, I would respect Bible man more than I ever had.

Yeah, no kidding. I would have loved to have seen someone just break down in the middle like, we went from small pyro to bigger pyro and some ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-ph-phuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh over here. Yes, thank you. That last one had a sequel and everything. My fellow AO3 reader gets it. All right. Well, Cecilia Reno, that ends the show. Hopefully it doesn't. Hopefully this isn't the last time we can hang out and chat together. I want to thank you so much for suffering through this video and for hanging out with

us today. Was it all that you hoped it would be? All that and less. All right. Well, that's all we can ask for. And a quick reminder for our listeners that would like to hear more from you, where should they go? They should go to Comic Dissection on any of their little podcatchers.

We also have a Comic Dissection Patreon and we are on all the social medias. So if you do a Google, you should be able to find us. Awesome. Or just look in the show notes of any episode. Yeah providing that any Show notes, please Okay, thank you Yeah, no, but the episode the show notes for this episode We'll have a link to all of that stuff in case you don't want to bother to Google it. All right Well, thank you again so much and that is gonna do it for a review of Bible Man the Incredible Force of Joy,

but it is not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to fall back into this pit. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. All right, Noah. Well, we will be reporting live from Nashville, where we'll be watching Donald James Parker's latest masterpiece, Pickleball Princess. Oh, I've been looking forward to slash dreading this for a while. So with that to look forward to, we're going to be in episode 484 to Immersible Close. Once again, a huge thanks to Cecilia and Rena

for helping out today. Be sure to check the show notes for a link to hear more from them on Comic Dissection. And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash God awful.

And thereby earn only access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out the same link shows. The scaling of the citation needed D and D minus and the scapula available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies at Gmail dot com.

Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatnik and Vival drafts on mars all the other music was written and performed by our audio Engineer morgan clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for heathen right neil iboznik I'm no illusions promise to work hard to earn another check next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club close Coates never did get his own vehicle and started wearing an eye patch he swore was really hip to compensate. Ludicrous. Went and fucked himself apparently. Bible man went on to fight the Sultan of Schizophrenia and the Dame of Diabetes

till he was arrested for selling ass bleach for autism. Cecilia, say Skivity, Ohio. Skivity, Ohio. Skivity, Ohio. Yeah! All right, Morgan, you have no fucking idea what the four of us have been through together over the last fucking 10 minutes. I tried to betray you right away, Morgan. I want you to know I tried to sell you out right away.

Cecilia's audio cut out and then we couldn't figure out why and we tried like 11 different goddamn things together and then eventually it just started working again out of fucking nowhere right as we gave up. Right as we had just said, well, I guess we're going to all give up and and and Reno and Cecilia just have to share one fucking microphone. And Morgan will be so pissed at me. And then suddenly it's like, boom, they came back as though you Morgan is gone. Right. Morgan, Morgan, I want you to know I was ready for them to share a mic right away.

This would have been a zero second fix where I in charge. No illusions fought hard for you. Fought hard for the audio quality of this podcast. Yeah. It worked eventually. Well, hopefully. Hopefully. Let's not count our chickens just yet.

We'll find out. Yeah. Knock it on. All right. Here we go. Talk fast. And I always do, buddy. And apologies in do, buddy.

And apologies in advance, Morgan, there will be some lightsaber noises in this one. Yeah, fucking get ready to put in some work. Yeah. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2024, all rights reserved.