God Awful Movies - 486: The Gospel According to Scrooge

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of The Gospel According to Scrooge, in which Dickens' classic tale of redemption gets a lot more Jesus crammed into its margins. On stage. With music. Sung badly. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/

Anne's mom also hates that movie and they watch it. Anne's dad and Anne and they make like the whole family watching a Christmas and it's odd and Anne's mom is just roasting it the whole fucking time and I was like, oh, I can get in. This is great. Oh, only there was some kind of precedent within the Muppets for two people standing back and roasting the whole thing. Oh, it's like you're retreading ground that they've already fucking done.

You stand on the shoulders of giants. They're stealing our Adam. Guns are crawled so that we can walk. Godawful movie. Movie. Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

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Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! I'm your host no illusions and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back We got a musical this week. Yeah, come on I'm just I'm like this music tacular right? I should just care of this shit from here, right just I thought you were gonna sing the rest of the show

Eli Bosnia Eli, how are you this fine afternoon? I think we can all agree that we would have rather had darkness descend over the land than watch this one. Look, some weeks I'm like, oh, we're going to have a good time making fun of this movie. And some weeks I'm like, I'm glad I did this to my friend. This was a fun prank I got to pull on my friend. In the middle of a 12 minute number, I'm just looking outside like,

I was like, Apocalypse? Apocalypse? I'm looking at fucking YouTube going like, why isn't there a 10x speed though? Why would you take this from me? Oh my God, I accidentally switched back to normal time for like one second during this musical and I was like, OhNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN what happens when one million moms gets angry about a Christmas Carol having too much witchcraft. Like, wicked. Yep.

They made this instead. And it's not even a fucking movie. It's a goddamn stage play that we're watching. Somebody's cousin film. Yeah. And Eli, how bad was this stage play that somebody's cousin filmed? Well, if you love a Christmas Carol, but the story about the miser named Jewish McHebru who learns the meaning of Christmas from a trifold ghost is a little too subtle for you,

you will love this musical. It's get it? The musical. That's what it is. The number of times the characters have to sit here and go, well, you know, what I learned from that ghost of Christmas present was, yeah, it's fucking incredible. All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'm going to go with best worst reverse edging in the music is what I mean. Oh, okay. Or like, so I don't know

what, you know, operator I'm supposed to use, reverse, inverse, converse. So they do these numbers, and so many times I was like, okay, they're done. And then they're like, haha, fuck you, and they go back into the song for like another eight minutes. It's so long. Lot of Christmas songs, huh? Yeah.

Lot. So many. I was like, man, how many Christmas songs could there be? Way more than I remember? Yep Yep, yeah Cuz they do that one mashup at the beginning and you're like well at least they got all the Christmas songs out of the way And they have 14 more yeah, they're hitting up 16th century bangers like the pot and kettle dance upon the day of the new Lord

Even know this was a while. What are the pot and kettle doing here? I'm pretty sure there was one song that was like and now the song is over in the lyrics and then it wasn't and then it Was I talked about this it is the second to last lyric And that is all we have to say yep, okay, and I was gonna go with best worst Singing kid I have no idea what you're talking about. There's so many. No, I'm talking about Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim.

Okay, yeah, Tiny Tim. So look, normally when it's a kid, I'm forgiving, like for me, right? Like for me, I'm pretty forgiving. If it's a kid doing a performance, I don't like to make fun of them. But this kid, oh my fucking God, this kid. He hurt us first.

This is self-defense Everything we say about tiny tip now, can I say tiny micro aggression macro aggression? Yeah balanced out by the only positive performance in the film Yes, absolutely we'll get to her fucking rule she was awesome I can't believe they didn't give her a song. She was great and I I'm gonna take the easy one. I'm gonna go with best worst accents. The quote-unquote heavy quotes, the double parentheses British accents in this movie land anywhere from like Dick Van Dyke to the letter O. Where did Dickens have it set? a pirate ship? I think right? Yeah A pirate ship full of pirates who were racist against British people. That's what I remember

Well, so the thing is is that of course best worst accents in this show that's saying a lot right because we We've had communist accents since the very beginning here on God awful movies but the best worst act the thing that makes these accents the best worst is that this play has a cast of? conservatively 261 people Right eight billion people every one of them tries a British accent that is somehow worse than the last one Yeah, it's just it's not that they're like worse at the accents, it's just that there's so many ways to be wrong. Yeah, it's so diverse in the amount of ways

you can get a British accent wrong. Yeah, yeah. All right, well the sooner we get to this shit, the sooner I never have to think about it again, so we're gonna keep the break brief when we come back. We'll dive into all the mostly off-book players that are the gospel according to Scrooge They land on Rasta at one point

This show is sponsored by better help Jacob Jacob Marley Indeed it is I I have returned from the grave to bring you a very important message. Oh, whatever could it be? You... very obviously need therapy. Therapy? For lack of Christmas spirit? Yeah, the Christmas thing doesn't really factor in, man. You're a little isolated, you're lashing out. Oh, I am?

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Weird metaphor. Yeah, yeah, sorry. My bad. Hey, Greg. Oh, hey, Steve. Yeah, hey, just popping my head in to see how the work on the Christmas play was going. Oh, fantastic. Have you heard of A Christmas Carol?

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, so we're pretty much doing that. Ah, alright. That's great. Classic story, message of salvation, and its public domain. Exactly, exactly. So nobody to ask about my changes. Sorry, changes?

Well, yeah, we gotta send a Christian message with it. You think the message of a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens isn't Christian enough? Not nearly, no. Okay. Well, I guess you could like add some stuff. Well, I made it a lot less confusing too. Like Scrooge is going to talk about how he's feeling throughout it, you know Right Greg. So here's the thing a Christmas Carol is a pretty perfect story as it's

Is it? Yeah, a brand new creation of a zeitgeist Memorable characters Dickens literally made a living just reading it aloud to people. It doesn't really need any Dickens literally made a living just reading it aloud to people. It doesn't really need any edits. Well, yeah, but I made Bob Cratchit and the nephew the same character. Worse now, worse and confusing. Belle is Fezziwig's daughter and my- Again, stop adding.

You shouldn't be allowed to read Charles Dickens, let alone, quote, punch it up with your dumb ideas. Absolutely not. In my tiny, Tim cures himself through prayer i'm gonna kill you okay? end over And we're back for the breakdown and the first words in my notes are a two-hour musical stage play of an overtly christian take Of a christmas carol fuck you elia You get coal this year. Coal, I say. Fair and fair. My first notes are, I hate it already and actors are lying. It's all cash.

Like they're already, they're all lying. They're just liars. Yeah. So. I know they're all lying, but like this one in particular, I was like, I will not suspend my disbelief. I hate this. Nope.

Nope. Yeah. Yeah, no, cause so many of Heath's notes are just like, that's a fucking backdrop. That's not even a building. Yeah. I got this. Nope. Yeah. Yeah. No cuz so many of Heath's notes are just like that's a fucking backdrop. That's not even a building Yeah So we start off on Scrooge be Scrooge and right he's got his housekeepers there and he's being mean to his housekeeper And she's done with his bullshit and there's no reason for this character to exist No this housekeeper they added Bob Cratchit for this character to exist. Nope.

This housekeeper, they added. Bob Cratchit exists in a Christmas Carol. Now, don't worry. He won't exist in this fucking show, but he exists in a Christmas Carol to show that Scrooge cheats the people who work for him badly. There was no reason to do this,

except that the people who wrote this were like, he should be unkind to a woman. He doesn't have enough power over a woman's life or death. An awful lot of this play can just be explained by this poor writer sitting in a room by himself as more and more people keep walking in and going, I have a part too, right? Yeah, that is fair. That is fair.

And to be fair- You know what you should have written? Luigi walks in and shoots Scrooge credits. That would have been great. Okay, to be fair, as we learn at the very, very end, the guy who wrote this play is from this church. So that may be exactly what happened. No illusions. I feel like it might have been. Yeah. Yeah. This is also where we hear Scrooge's accent for the first time.

He went for English and he landed on me trying to fight an Irish guy. Luigi needs a musical. We'll see. Yes. There you go. and he landed on me trying to fight an Irish guy. Luigi needs a musical. We'll see. There you go. So, but screw just being mean, she mocks him. She falls asleep and he cuts her pay for this. I, it doesn't fucking know. No idea what the fuck is happening.

So he walks out onto the quote unquote street. He sees some guy who owes him money and he yells at him for owing him money. Yeah. The young guy here went for British and landed on haunted Muppet Which I thought was interesting Oh, Mr. Scrooge Yeah, so and then and then there's this choir that's standing on stage and they start singing but it's like it's totally drowning out Everything that Scrooge is saying. Yep. And then they themselves get drowned out by somebody opening a very complicated series

of locks next to the microphone. Chris! Do not throw that drum set down the stairs to get it to me, okay? I need you to bring one drum at a time. It's like four minutes and it's insane. And then that gets drowned out by like 200 more cast members popping up out of the, they're taking up the whole theater somehow. They're just sitting in all the good seats

and they just pour onto the stage too. I think it counts as an altar call. All of us have some version in our notes of there have to be more people on the stage at this point than there are in the audience. Yeah. Or a wormhole or something. And they're just shoving each other. It's like a Black Friday sale up there on that stage.

They don't have room to move past each other. They've obviously been given like musical stage business to do, but there's just too many. There's 80 of them on the stage. Like they're gonna do an Iowa caucus. It was crazy. At one point, they wheel out a meat cart for a bit,

and then they wheel that off stage, and then they have to wheel a second cart on for a second bit I think that they're supposed to be going for like this family's walking through the market and these are the things that they're walking by But because there's six hundred and thirteen people on the stage. You can't really do that. Everybody's just kind of oomfing it Yeah, indecipherable. Yeah. Yeah, and we do get to watch Tiny Tim go up to the meat cart and look at a giant thing and then be like, Dad, can I get the vulture dragon? Godzilla that's being sold there? Yeah. And we watch Dad be like, you can't carry it though because you're you. Used as a crutch Maybe oh, I believe this is the quickest I ever went to one and a half times speed on YouTube

I started I started on one and a half without the timestamp was all it took for me to get up speed Maybe I did get to two times speed eventually But this was the fist fastest I ever got there And so we should point out to that, like not only are there 800 people singing on the stage, they sing 800 Christmas carols. This is like a Christmas carol remix where we get like 15 of your favorites. It's ridiculous. They're just mashing up all the Christmas songs all at once. It was great. It was like two stores in the mall are in a fight about

which is the best one. And like Hollister and the Gap are like in this weird feud next to each other, playing it louder and louder. And again, they're Christians, so they're using the Christian Christmas songs that you never hear, right? There's a bunch of like, and old Lord Montelroy his said he plans the host of man. Yeah. So after this song, they all stand around and then they talk about how much Scrooge

hates Christmas for a bit. Okay. One of the ladies in this moment says, if Scrooge catches us singing carols, that will be the last carols we ever sing. Is this version of the play Scrooge gonna murder them? Or they're worried the tariffs are about to kick in on Carol's album. Oh, yeah. No, that's part of it.

So, yeah, so they're like, he hates Christmas carols. Don't let him catch you singing Christmas carols. And then the one guy who's paying no fucking attention looks up from his phone and goes, well, maybe a Christmas song would cheer him up. He was like, shut up, you fucking idiot. Shut the fuck up, Dave. We're gonna get in trouble. I'm pulling on my end of this to the standee thing.

I'm doing it. You want an ice raid? This is how you get an ice raid. And everybody's like, oh look, there he is in his shop being mean to Mr. Cratchit in the next scene. His shop that is in the middle of the street that we're in. Yeah. There it is.

I also, I have to point out this one thing because it just makes me so happy. So again, the whole movie, everyone's trying these absolutely awful British accents, but look up from his phone guy, doesn't fucking bother at all. He's just like, that Mr. Scrooge could sure use a Christmas song.

What? Stop looking at me like that. I told you, I'm not talking like a gay. So, all right. So then Scrooge and Cratchit. like that. I told you, I'm not talking like a gay. All right. So then Scrooge and Cratchit, so well, then 58 people all try to scurry off stage without running into each other. It doesn't go well. But when they finally do clear out, Cratchit and Scrooge are standing there. This is where Cratchit first calls him uncle because apparently they primarily know this character

from DuckTales. Yep. Right, Cratchit is not the nephew of Scrooge in the story. I looked this up to make sure. No, they've combined the characters of Bob Cratchit and the nephew to make a single nonsense character who doesn't make any fucking sense and will make less sense as he gets through the play

So for instance Bob Cratchit is like really really poor and the nephew is just sort of like middle-class and happy So they'll make Bob Cratchit middle-class and happy As a compromise which sort of takes the wind out of the hole We should take Tony Tim to the doctor we can afford. Remember when there was a middle class? Right. That was the best.

So yeah, so but Scrooge is basically having a Jesus argument with Cratchit here along the lines of if your Jesus is so great, why are you poor and I'm rich? Yep. And that's a good point actually. And this is where we get the first of, almost was my best worst about the movie, which is that this movie introduces the improv concept of no, really strongly, right?

So when he says, why did God make you poor? Bob, son, nephew Cratchit just goes, no, he didn't, I'm fine. Yeah. And that will be the first of so many times throughout the movie that one character will go hey why is this thing true and then another character will go because it's not true. Yeah, but it is true though. Yeah.

And this was one of many times they keep doing this where 1800s London has a much better economy than we have now. Like if this was happening now, Cratchit spends Christmas day driving for Uber 100%. Absolutely, yes, absolutely. So yeah, well and Scrooge is like, hey, don't I pay you to do something that isn't pestering me about Christmas?

And I'm like, again, like you keep making him have good points. Right. Right. And again, we have to point out that like, some of this is lines from the Christmas Carol, You keep making him have good points. Right. Right. And again, we have to point out that like some of this is lines from the Christmas Carol, but with Jesus ham-hattedly shonked onto the end. Right. Right?

So it'll be like, I may not be rich in must, but you do not make yourself rich in Jesus. And that's what they've just added the word Jesus or God to the end of a bunch of lines from Christmas Carol. Yeah, right. No, that and also, and I'm surprised we haven't pointed this out yet. All the fucking makeup has this very like never done stage makeup before, but it's like a nutcracker, isn't it? Yeah.

Kind of a look to it. Yeah. Everyone is either a doll of a Dutch boy or a ghost, but we all have to share this one palette of gray paint we got at Halloween Adventure, so no going full face about it. A lot of gray face in this one. A lot of gray face. A lot of gray face. Yeah.

So, okay, so just then a couple of people show up at their office collecting money for charity. Giant feather hat. Oh, man. They were really sure this lady's feather in her hat would do a lot of comedy work for charity. Giant feather hat. Oh man, they were really sure this lady's feather in her hat would do a lot of comedy work for them. They literally all the comedy, like there is one other funny moment.

They're pretty sure that that takes care of it though. Although the gentleman here, his English accent ended at rabbi, which I thought was interesting. Yeah, no, he came at it from a different angle. Yeah, so they come in and they're like, hey, we're collecting money for charity and Scrooge is not having any of that bullshit, right? And you guys remember the problem with this scene in the Muppet Christmas Carol Which is the version of is the ultimate version of this story

The problem with this scene in Christmas Carol is that it only happens once So now they do it again. Right. Exactly. He goes, he goes, would you like to give money for the poor? And Scrooge is like, no, fuck the poor. I hate to poor. I don't like giving money to the poor. And I don't have the Christmas spirit. And the guy goes, Oh, and his wife goes, try again. And he goes, would you like to give money to the poor now? And he gives another different rant. Yeah. He's like, wait, can we just put the poor in fucking prison or like tell them to join a trade union, whatever.

And again, I was like, okay, don't love that Scrooge is like an average swing voter in 2024 American politics. I wrote, it must be weird to have their politics repeated to them by Ebenezer Scrooge in the before picture. Yeah. Why is Scrooge making such good points about debtor's prison? I will say there's a crying baby in the audience at this point. I have never been more sympathetic to a crying baby.

I get it, baby. Me too. So, okay. So he goes outside to chase off a bunch of Christmas carolers Right and then so I wrote in my notes He's gonna sing a fuck those asshole song would we say sing but that's then I wouldn't cross that out and I wrote say He's gonna say a song Okay confused why he got the part of Scrooge in this musical if he can't and won't sing.

Just don't have songs. He's clearly the pastor of this bullshit church. That's what I said. He must be the pastor. It has to be that he's cast himself. Yes. Oh yeah. He raps a song like a fucking dare instructor.

I keep doing that. And also we should point out that not for the last time in the movie, the music will entirely drown out the lyrics. Yeah. Bless that pit orchestra just being like, the louder we play, the less of this musical gets heard by the world. Yeah. Right.

Right. Hold! Pit orchestra just grabs the baby and mics it up. Yeah. So yeah. So he chases 104 people off the stage and then he goes back inside at length, even though there's not an inside and an outside. It's just a pantomime.

Just walk through the invisible wall, man. We're fine with that. Oh, no, I'm penetrating through solid matter. It's a mutant origin. So relax, Scrooge, you're fine. So, yeah, but but now at seven p.m. it's time for Cratchit to go home. Right. And as he's leaving, he's like, Uncle Scrooge, if you'd like to come over for Christmas dinner, you can.

And he's like, fuck you and fuck your wife and fuck all your stupid shitty kids. It's so OK. Again, this is a meaningful scene when Bob Cratchit isn't his nephew. Right, when he's just inviting his nasty boss. Yeah. Right, and we sort of see a moment of humanity from Scrooge when he gives Bob Cratchit the moment off at the very beginning and we're like, oh, maybe there's some heart to Scrooge. Like, it's a subtle, interesting choice.

Dickens, mates. But instead it's like, so see you at dinner tomorrow? No, you motherfucker! Take the day off! Right, yes. Yeah, exactly. choice tickets, mates, but instead it's like, so see you at dinner tomorrow? No, you motherfucker. Take the day off. Right. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And he's like, eventually agrees to give Cratchit the day off for Christmas and be, he's going to give him a paid day off. And I'm like, okay. I just, again, to Heath's point, I have never had a job that gave me a paid holiday off, including this one, like including this job that I have now.

Just another point in the modern capitalism is worse than Scrooge times column. Yeah. But if you patrons were all to like write us in mass that you want us to charge for the episode that we're off for the holidays, like Noah would have to do that. So you would have to. But so but Cratchit leaves and as he's leaving, he does like an Eli trying to get the last word of a fucking argument that we've moved on from. And he goes, he like leans and he goes, you have to. He goes, God, yeah, yeah, right. I refer back to it. Now you have to keep that joke.

No, but he leans back and he goes, God save you. And then he closes the door and he leaves. He Christians Adam at the last minute. Got him. Eli, it doesn't count. That's nothing. That's nothing. Neither here nor there. So yeah, so he turns off the lights. He leaves the office. We watch him push through a loving couple out for a stroll because fuck them. Yeah. And I'm and look, they're taking up the whole goddamn sidewalk. I don't want to keep being too sympathetic with Scrooge, but they're taking up the whole fucking sidewalk. I don't want to keep being too sympathetic with Scrooge, but they're taking up the whole fucking sidewalk.

How the hell else is he supposed to get through? It's also, this is supposed to be a transition, right? While they roll out the set and roll in the set of his house, but it takes too long. So this actor is having to do like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, for like six minutes, to the extent that it like kind of gets a narrative

where he's like, oh, I like that, no, no, no, no, gentle now. He talks about the weather with himself as like a six-minute vamp while they're doing the set. Yep. I like that he did the ass warmer thing though. The whole church fucking loved this. The whole church fucking loved this. Holy shit. They were like, that resembles entertainment IMP. Yeah. What is it? He pulls his pants down a little bit and puts his butt next to the radiator for a second. They were like that resembles entertainment I am

What does he pulls pulls pants down a little bit and puts his butt next to the radiator for a second He's like he does not pull his pants. No, he doesn't he doesn't come on You added that in your imagination to make it more interesting if you want to jerk off to this musical No one will judge you but don't have somebody's gonna need permission. So But thank you, but yeah, but we like we know shit. We do a full two and a half minutes now at this is after he walks in and they've changed the set. He goes into his bedroom set and then we do two and a half minutes of him like changing out of his coat and into his house code and warming his butt by the fire and everything

that goes on for a literal two and a half minutes. Yeah, I'm on double speed at this point in my notes and it was still taking too long. Way too fucking long. The la there's loud kids in the audience just going, I'm bored, mom. I would like to leave this religion. So yeah. So but then I guess Scrooge is going to start monologuing to us about how he's happy he didn't go to Cratchit's place and that guy can go fuck himself.

Because a writer at this point was like, I mean, I don't know about you, but I'd really like to check in on what's going on with Ebenezer Scrooge. I can't really imagine what he might be thinking or feeling based on the text of Dickens. So I'll just have him say it all out loud. He just talks to himself. Yeah. I wanted like the maid to pop in from the background, just be like, who are you talking to right now?

What are you doing? Right. So he talks to himself about how he's glad he didn't go to Christmas dinner and also got his bullshit. He mentions that. And then he goes to bed. He actually goes, who am I even talking to? This is like lazy writing or something. What am I even doing? So he goes to bed, he starts

snoring. He might as well just say the word snore very loud. Oh, but the church is fucking loving it. They crack up to that too. And then God kicks in on the PA like Scrooge is being called to the principal's office. Yep, not Marley. Not Marley. No, okay. God. Right.

That's why this fucking thing was written, right? Because they wanted to remove the blasphemy of ghosts showing up. You can't come back after you die and warn people. So God shows up and he's like, hey, Marley had a message for you. Yeah, right. So we get God, like the ghost of Christmas everything doing his first thing. I love that the omnipotent God can't get Ebenezer Scrooge's attention right away. He's like, Ebenezer. Ebenezer. Ebenezer. Ebenezer Scrooge. I know you hear me. Ebenezer Scrooge. He doesn't wake up. I was like, okay, I think I would be immune to ghost visits when I'm sleeping.

Yeah, really? I realize how hardy a sleeper you were could foil God. That's quite the thing. I'm just tucking in tighter like that pet pig. Yeah. There's also something here that's adorable, and I just remembered that video. Thank you for that gift. But there's also a moment here that I really want to touch on, right? Because again,

they've got hellfire as a part of their mythology. So he's like, oh, Marley's in hell right now. He would love a drop of water, but he's burning in hell forever. To which Scrooge responds, what does that have to do with me? Right. He's like, yeah, sucks to suck. So your point. Yeah. Right. I also love that Scrooge demands proof. Right. He's like, I am God. And Scrooge is like, prove it. And God's like, man, God damn. No, no. Yes. Right. Right. God's got nothing. He's like, well, what does your heart tell you? He's like, well, my heart told me to ask for proof. So he says that three angels will come tonight again, because I can't be ghost.

Not ghosts. And I am so in our own podcast of our slur that I was legitimately excited for Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I was like, Oh, nice. They're going to do Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I like that Scrooge asks God here like, okay, but how do I know that they're going to be angels when they show up as I just assume anyone who shows up magically at like 1 a.m. to a right

there's so many people showing up at your bedroom at 1 a.m. that you have to know which will go up in easier I take attendance I'll need to factor authentication from the angels maybe capture let's set up a password like you did in kindergarten with your parents because the news told them you were gonna get molested I heard we're supposed to redo them because of China or something right? Yeah, no, we got to redo them All right. Well, we are 30 minutes into this lazy ass musical and so far There's been one original spoken word song and one Christmas Carol mashup So we're gonna take a quick break and let them warm up their fucking pipes, I guess.

But we'll be back in a minute with even more of The Gospel According to Scrooge. What if we stack up all the bread at the grocery store and then we just like plow into it with a big jump? Oh, that's good. Perfect. Hey guys. Guys, what you doing? Oh, hey Noah. We're just planning our Christmas calls. I see. And how are you doing that? Well, Eli and I were getting killed by pricing from Big Wireless. But then we remembered you get a free phone call when you get arrested.

Exactly. So shenanigans, arrest, thank grandma for the sweater, all free, bing bang boom. Yeah, plus we get to ride in the back of a cop car guys If you want to save money on your wireless cell phone service, why don't you just try mint mobile? What's mint mobile you son of a bitch? Okay, um too big too big right? I felt it Yeah, it was way too plus you said bitch and now we got to email him and tell him you said bitch during the okay Well, you just said bitch Sorry, sorry, I love a great deal as much as the next guy But I'm not gonna crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy

No hoops no BS So when mint mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three-month plan I called him on it It turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for 15 bucks a month The longest part of the process is the time I spend on hold waiting to break up with my old provider. That sounds great, Noah. But do I need to change my phone?

Nope. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Alright, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just

$15 a month, go to Mintmobile.com slash gam. That's Mintmobile.com slash gam. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at Mintmobile.com slash gam. $45 up payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on three month plan only. Speed slower, about 40 gigabytes on the unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. All right, Heath. Looks like we don't need to do those crimes after all. Yeah. Yeah. But can we still do the bread thing? Feels like that'd be super satisfying. Right? Just squish. Blam. Yeah.

Bram. I feel like you could just buy like the day old like the bread that they're going to throw away and do that. No, it needs to be a power thing Okay Hey Phil you got a second sure guys, what's up? So listen we we don't want to sound jealous Exactly, but we noticed that Carrie and Elrose both got a song in the church show. Sure.

Yeah. So, yeah. So we were wondering if, you know, if we could sing a song in the show. I mean, they sing like First Noel and Jingle Bells. Exactly. So I was thinking like, oh my gosh, there's so many Christmas songs. So many. What's a few more? Yeah. I don't like, oh my gosh, there's so many Christmas songs. So many. What's a few more?

Yeah. I don't know guys, four Christmas songs in one show feels like a lot. Oh, sorry. Not four. Oh, not four. No, no. We talked to everybody and kind of everybody else wants a song too. So.

Guys, everyone in the show can't sing their own Christmas song. That's like a two hour show at that point point hour and 58 minutes and 38 seconds. Oh Well, then you know what? That's fine. That's great. Nice. I'll go tell everybody dibs on you, babe in the manger Oh, man, that's a great one. This is gonna be the worst thing ever sure is And we're back for more of this shit when When we last left off, I was complaining about the lack of music in this musical. Now it's time to regret that. And we're going to rejoin the action with Scrooge meeting the first angel, not ghost angel. Uh, John Benet Ramsey sure is no illusions. Sure is. Yeah. Okay. Now I will point out this child is a significantly better actor than everyone else in this 700 person cast.

She nails the British accent closer than anybody else. That's for fucking sure. We when we worked at the toy store, sometimes movie stars would come into the toy store and they would just sort of radiate famousness and chillness. Right. And you'd be like, oh, that's how that person's a movie star. That's what this child does to the rest of the class. I'm not saying she's got star potential, I don't know. I'm saying compared with the muck feeders

that make up with this cast, every moment she's on stage is a delight. And she does a reasonable English accent. Yep. Although the whole like a nine year old is in his bedroom at 1 a.m. thing is way more uncomfortable than they seem to realize. Yeah. Within the thing.

But yeah, so she shows up. She's got a little feathered fan that she she doodly doos him with. Mm hmm. So she doodly doos him back to the boarding school. He went to as a boy Yeah, okay if a ghost brings me back to my childhood. It's like 5050 I got a swimsuit issue out and it's a Child ghost oh sorry can you fast-forward no no not that far forward because the refractory period was over I need you to really Angel keeps zooming keeps getting worse getting worse. Come on. Wow. Now

penthouse. Okay. I found my own fingers. It's a whole thing. Peanut butter? Crunchy? So he runs into, we look over him and his girlfriend from school. This is Belle. Right. And so at first we have the two of them talking, but we can't hear them because, you know, in the play we're listening to Ebenezer and the ghost of Christmas past, or I'm sorry, the angel of Christmas past. So the two characters, the two actors playing young Ebenezer and young Belle are swaying back and forth like character select screen characters or something. Yeah, like we're gonna choose our fighter.

Right, yeah. But eventually we moved to their conversation and it's not better. Like the first thing that Ebenezer says is like, oh, you're like my sister is my flirt. Don't say hot. Hot. Hot. Hot.

Should have gone with hot like mom or grandma maybe. But no. The Sister Angle worked pretty great with Belle. Which was shocking. She's like, I love that Folgers commercial. Yeah. Blue City. Yeah.

And he's like, oh, they're good. Because the kids come by and laugh at them. They do like a Scrooge and Belle kissing in a tree. And she's like, my father says to love those who laugh at you. And I wrote in my notes, I hope the cast of this musical feels the same way. There's like eight hundred and fifty people in this church. I don't want to have enemies with all of them. Right. But yeah, but Bell explains how much she loves Jesus.

And I wrote, tell your boyfriend he isn't getting laid without telling him he isn't getting laid. Right. But then the teachers like, oh, class is about to begin. And we're like, is it this class of fucking song about how awesome Jesus is? She's like, it's a song about how awesome Jesus is. They have written Happy Birthday Jesus on the blackboard. Like Jesus is going to come up and get to wear a special hat. They also wrote the alphabet from A to L and ran out of space. They ran out of space!

They're like, you know, yada yada yada, anyway, let's make room for Jesus. You fuckers get it! Okay, so they're gonna sing this song, and primarily the teacher is gonna sing this song, and then the kids are going to chime in. What we say sing? I mean, compared to everything else, yes, I would say like that. I would count her as singing. This woman sings in se- she's so flat she sings in semitones, right?

Those like things that only two instruments or people with like a weird throat or something. Christmas time is here! I expected a whale to come flopping through the backdrop and be like, I heard there was some pussy. I heard there was pussy. We fucking? So yeah, so when she's singing, the kids are chiming in, they're singing about how awesome it is that Jesus died for our sins. And as they're doing it, the kids are all trying to sway in unison. Step touch, try to step touch all trying to sway in unison step touch You're not a step touch girl doing opposite direction step touch They will never sync up the swaying and it was driving me fucking insane

It was like my fire alarm being a skew but for dancing Okay, but the girl who's doing the exact opposite as everyone else on the stage. She's an American hero. She's Chris Kyle. I loved her. She was fun, but the kid, the kid's swing way too fast was amazing. Oh God, yeah, too extreme. He was great. And I also liked the little boy in the middle row all the way to the left, who just was counting the seconds

until his shit was over, barely moving at all. Like he's mad at everybody else in the play. I was with him. Full anxiety attack the entire time he was on stage. Yeah. So, and this is one of those moments where they get Heath right by continuously making him think the song is over, but then they sing the exact same fucking

chorus again. Yeah. Well, they just keep going, because Christmas time is here. And you're like, okay, sorry, let me move on. And I would always move the speed back down to normal. And then it would be, well, Christmas time. Every time.

I was so mad. And also the way the kids are chiming in is they're like, they're saying like cute kid words every time. Uh huh. So then it became sort of ominous every time you'd hear it. Because at the beginning it's like, Christmas time is here. Cherry blossoms. Christmas time is here. Cherry blossoms, Christmas time is here.

Candy canes, but by the end they were like, you can do it Eli, kill the president. So yeah, but like literally I wrote in my notes, they sing the same fucking chorus three goddamn times at the end and as I was writing that they started a fourth fucking time. They started a fourth time, rule of fours. Yep, apparently rule of fours. But they do eventually end it. The teacher gets a letter, right, right as the song is wrapping up. Then we cut back over to Belle and Ebenezer.

Belle has gotten Ebenezer a little gift. We will never know what it is, doesn't fucking matter. Doesn't matter. It's nudes. She did them in shock. It's a fun, awkward moment. She gets him the gift, hands will never know what it is, doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't matter. It's nudes. She did them in shock. It's a fun, awkward moment. She gets him the gift, hands it to him, and then she's like, so, I guess that's all the gifts we chan. Right, right.

Thought I was hot like your sister. Okay, bye. I'll fuck myself. But then the teacher comes up to tell Ebenezer that the letter she got was from his family. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It is what happened to which he responds. No, it isn't though

And she's like, yes it is. I'm gonna read the letter out loud now, which I haven't read ahead of time Dad is in prison mom and sisters to the camps. Yeah so yeah, so now this kid is gonna sing a song about God hating him and Which he opens with Jesus loves me. I don't know. Yep. Yep. Except that you did it with a tune. Oh yeah. That's true.

So like at least old Ebenezer knows he can't sing. So he was just talking. This kid was rough. Now it's not the worst it's going to be, but it was fucking rough. He started a little bit too low and that gets more and more absurd as we go on with the song. Ends up too high somehow. Yeah.

And we watched the people who rewrote this thing go through like stages of grief about how Christianity is dumb in the song. So young Scrooge first, he starts singing like the problem of evil, the Christmas song. And I was like, okay nice I'm into this and then we get him singing about like Big carts radical doubt during the song. Yeah, we get all that and they land on kind of like a atheist bootstraps Christmas song where he's like I'm gonna just gonna make money and be happy because of money. All right and hate everyone else

It's nice that his entire life's journey was so conveniently encapsulated in that singular moment. Yeah. Opens the gift. It's an Ayn Rand book. Okay. All right. All right.

So, okay. So then all the youngsters clear out and old Ebenezer's left crying on JonBenet's shoulders. Yeah. And this is where we get a little apologetics here because this is where JonBenet's shoulders. Yeah, and this is where we get a little apologetics here because this is where JonBenet explains that God was totally gonna help Ebenezer through his dad being sent to prison and his sister and his mom being sent to the whorehouse, but he was kind of a bitch about it in that last song, so he didn't. Yeah, Scrooge is like, hey, your boss fucking God is a real dick.

You saw all that stuff. I mean, right? You heard me sing the song about how sad it is and how like they're going to like prison camps and she's like, she's mysterious. And it gets worse because he goes, OK, but what about my sister? Why did God kill my sister? Also mysterious. Also mysterious.

But he killed her during childbirth. Fuck! Ah! That's a thinker. Cut, can we cut? Yes, right, right. Yeah, the angel's like, well, you know, suck it up. She might as well tap, just like,

kickity kick click, tickly click. So they walk along and now they're on the street where Belle lives. It's Christmas Eve some years later and Ebenezer turns to the angel and goes, whatever happened to Belle and me? And I'm like, are you asking the angel to tell you your backstory? Your own backstory, right? And I want to point out that like in Dickens' story, it's really interesting because Scrooge does love Belle

and Belle rejects him because she doesn't have a dowry. And so he sort of, it's like a really interesting color to him. But in this, don't worry, she's just going to be mad at him for not being Christian enough. Yep. That's pretty much it. Yeah. So YA them come out of church and Belle sure loved the service, but Ebenezer only thought it was meh.

Yeah and by the way they did Belle dirty in this scene she went full Larry Tomato on this girl's makeup. Well and on her lines too yeah. Yeah these teens ended up in the accent realm of the Lord of the Rings High Elven for some reason. Sure. Yeah. But we learn from this scene that Ebenezer's not as into Jesus as she is, and he feels like he needs to prove to her dad that he's going to be rich enough to marry her. But she diffuses all of that. She's like, actually, my dad doesn't care how much money you have. So it genuinely does not matter.

Okay. So big picture. God's plan was to have Ebenezer Scrooge be a giant dick for like 80 years and then sort of fix it with angels. Yep. And that's it? That's the whole plan. For like a couple of years maybe? Yeah.

So then, so I guess now they're going to go a party with that Bell's dad is throwing Yeah, so this is Fezziwig, right? And this is a really interesting character in Christmas Carol They have now made that Bell's dad which makes him going to the Christmas party or him working there Which is what the situation is supposed to be in Christmas Carol fucking weird. Yep Yeah, so but we what we learn here is that mr. Fezzi with everybody loves mr. Fezzi week because he's so generous with his big Christmas balls. Yes and it's not supposed to be a grand ball. The whole fucking point is that when he was working in this shitty little shop the

guys still threw a nice Christmas party. It's 120 pages. pages! You just have to do with that! Just let it stand! So yeah, but so during this party, Belle overhears Ebenezer going like, I can't understand why he wastes so much money on these Christmas parties, and she is fucking devastated and will never recover from that. No, that's the reason they break up. Yep. So she rushes off Ebenezer follows her. But Mr. Fezziwig takes center stage to do a little song about how awesome Jesus is. Right. We watch another terrible dance. Oh my God. So yeah. So this choreography was

as interesting as the worst dancer at this church's limitations allowed it to be. Yeah. And at this point I wrote in my notes, okay, I know you guys might be mad at me because this is a two-hour musical, but if you skip the songs, it's 33 minutes long. If you think about it, I gave you a really short one. Well, right, and why not skip the songs? They had lyrics in them like, and I fucking quote, celebrate, celebrate, time to to celebrate so much to celebrate. Join the celebration. That's literally the chorus of this goddamn. Wow.

Sure. I couldn't even hear it. I was just hearing like Charlie Brown want want want and like Christmas bells. And then I moved. So two times is the max. But you could just use the mouse and then it's like infinity speed. That's true. Yes.

You just click until people are talking again. So yeah. So but Ebenezer, we move away from that Ebenezer chases Bell down. She's weeping at his callousness of not liking her dad's Christmas parties. Oh, where's the ugly Christmas sweater? I'll wear it. I'll wear it. We'll do it together.

Yeah, that's cool. And again, they have another great, no, that's not what's happening in the musical moment, right? Where she's where he's like, look, God doesn't just give us things that she's like, yes, he does. And I'm like, okay, man, I don't really know what your music is like. He's like, look, I want to make a lot of money so that we can be happy together. And she's like, but poor people are every bit as happy as rich people. And I'm like, well, that's not a true at all. They're not. You're lying.

You're a liar. You're just fucking lying. This is also where she says, you can't just believe in God. You have to love him. I feel like that's just believing is a tall order to ask somebody, Jesus. Yeah.

And he says, I love you. And she says, I love Jesus more. And I wanted so badly for it to like pan over with the spot to Jesus who's smoking a cigarette. And he's like, sorry, bro. Matt Damon's over there with him. Yeah. Scrooge needs to learn some compersion from the workbook, right? Thank you.

So yeah, but she demands that he love Jesus right this minute. Everyone's getting on board and he He can't do it and she's he says I love you and she says I love What I thought you were and I like oh so they they sing a breaking up song Yeah, and I wrote in my notes even at two times speed these songs are pretty fucking slow And still better than the love is gone from him up atet Christmas Carol that's right I said it oh I said it you I said I'm brave I'm brave I'm not proud to face the facts listen Eli yeah I hate that entire movie oh my god it's not good it's not I cannot stand it it's Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, But I know illusions you will be in charge of comedy for the rest of the I guess I will shout What we're even fucking doing here any this is the end of the podcast

Stop every time people talk. It's not it's like Star Wars too, and I'm just like no it's not though It's it's probably like a genuine like I haven't seen it in 35 fucking years And it's probably one of those things like where if I was watching it with a younger person I would have a You had to be there kind of moment with it, but but you were there though. He's you were I love Michael Caine I like it. So good. Everyone's so good. All right So anyway now that we're in a big messy fucking now that we're in a big fucking fight you guys are just yelling anti-semitic slur words

You're gonna be visited by three muppets tonight. Change your fucking- I can't believe Anne is marrying you. Well she hasn't done it yet. She doesn't know this yet. That could change. Yeah, Anne loves that movie. Of course she does! Because she's a fucking human being! She's a soul! She's a soul! A fucking PRP in a pulse! Okay, I will say my favorite part of this saga that we're in apparently Anne's mom also hates that movie and they watch it Anne's dad and Anne and they make like the whole family watching a Christmas And it's odd and Anne's mom is just roasting it the whole fucking time and I was like, oh I can get in This is great

Oh, if only there was some kind of precedent within the Muppets for two people standing back and roasting The whole thing. Oh, it's like you're treading ground that they've already fucking done. You stand Guns oh crawled so that we could walk We got to do something folks, there's no this songs. They're all the song Celebrate we got nothing. All right So now so the wedding in June is gonna be yelling about this Keith has in his notes here controversial opinion or slur question And it's gonna build that into the vows now Should say out loud now that you love Muppet Christmas Carol.

Or at least that you'll agree to watch it every fucking year. That's all I'm doing for the ceremony. I'm just doing Muppet Christmas Carol. Fuck yes. So, OK. So, but now I guess Jean-Béné is done with him. She sends him back and it's time for him to meet his second angel, not ghost. This is the angel of Christmas present, and it's just a lady.

Yeah, they went with poison ivy costume for the ghost of Christmas. Yeah, I think I think her husband really pushed for poison ivy costume. So but she takes him out on the street and what she teleports him out on the street. Right. Because he's just like, this is just my street. And she's like, right. I'm Christmas present. Where the fuck did you think we were going? OK, did you just make a doodly do nose to bring us to the present? That's nothing. We just walk out the fucking door.

Would you like to see a movie in theaters? We don't even we don't even have real fucking walls in this thing. You didn't have to do anything at all. He's like, what am I here in the street to observe? And she's like, another song. And we're like, God fucking damn it. Oh, my God. Every song we're now watching is just Christmas is blank but it's actually about Jesus. Yep. The end. Yep that's all that yeah yeah you might like the this but the Jesus is even better. Okay the entire town is out in

the street at 2 a.m. singing and dancing. Well, that's also weird. In the present. What's happening in this town? Musical towns, it's like they're all dosed with Molly. And like that's maybe, that would explain it. It's a fun town if that's what's going on. But the song ends and Scrooge is like, alright, but I didn't learn anything.

I still don't know why we're out here at 2 AM. And she's like, they represent the spirit of giving. Yeah. And he has this moment where he's like, hey, Christians do bad stuff in the name of Christianity, to which she responds, I got off of movies first. No, they don't. End of scene. Yep. Yep.

Yep. That's pretty much it. I, we also have to point out that like during this, all of the people that were just singing are trying to stay frozen through the conversation. Oh God. It's amazing. One of the fucking squid gave people to come on, start shooting them. You could tell as soon as they bowed that deep, you're like, Oh, you guys are going

to try to hold it for a long time. Oh, I regret this. Oh, it's not. You guys can't even sway together. All right. Well surprisingly enough, this movie is losing an argument again to itself, so we're gonna give it a minute to work through some shit. But first, let me get back to the hard sell.

Will this movie change the source material in any way other than taking out the ghost references? Would Thomas Baudelaire roll his eyes at this bullshit? Does the program cross off the word dick when it's referring to the source material's author? Find out the answers to these questions or ones just like him when we return for the interminable conclusion of The Gospel According to Scrooge. That's the guy from the origin of the word bulgarize, right? Yeah. Nice. So mom, what do you want for Christmas?

Oh, just seeing you will be wonderful. Oh, great. So we'll see you Christmas day? Oh, no, we can't do Christmas day. Your father doesn't like to drive on holidays. Oh, so you're coming before Christmas? No, I have to do my thing with that lady I do every week. Okay, so are we coming to you then?

Oh, you're really planning to come without telling me with more notice? Has this ever happened to you? Hi, I'm No Illusions, paid spokesman for the Aura Frame. You know, scientists don't know why, but sometime between your 25th and 35th birthday, every conversation with your mom becomes a test. I don't think the supermarket near me has gluten-free Turkish delight. That's fine. I guess I just won't eat the entire time I'm there then.

Your mom means well. Or maybe she doesn't. Or maybe she's just getting old. Who knows? But what we do know is that she'll love an Aura frame. You gotta stop texting everyone in the family group the word what. I'm joking. That's not a joke.

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cause I have dialysis. Wait, you have diabetes? I told your father to text you. So it's just like a lighthearted show about League of Legends? Yep, that is exactly what it is. Nice. Hey guys, guys! Hey Eli, what's up? So I was thinking about this week's movie and have you looked up the lyrics of Christmas songs? Yeah, of course. Yeah, they're mostly about winter and joy and

stuff like that, right? They are not. Listen to this. So you guys know the song Jingle Bells? Yeah, obviously it is like Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way. Okay, the original verse was, Oh what fun it is to know that God's the life, the truth, the way. Yikes. Yeah, I guess those lyrics are a little more Christian than I expected. Yeah, or White Christmas? The original verse was, and by white I mean, and delightsome, like the angel Moroni who appeared to Joseph Smith. Well, that doesn't even scan.

I know, that's why they play the other version. Okay, but there have to be some holiday songs that don't have a creepy nefarious verse about Jesus. Okay, what about Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel? Yeah, I made you out of clay and when it's dry and ready... God's the life, the truth the way. Oh, damn. Original lyrics? Original lyrics, yes. Is that true?

No. Okay. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin Scrooge and the angel now observing the Cratchit household. Yeah. So they have an irresponsible number of kids in this one. Looks like fucking Thomas Smith's house. Well her sister is in town. Yeah.

So again, like the whole point of the visit to the Cratchit house is for us to understand the real world consequences of Scrooge's behavior. But this is just a middle class family whose sister is in town visiting them in the extra rooms that they have. Right, right. Exactly. Because the image that we're supposed to have here is this tiny family, right? Cratchit and his wife and his kid all huddled around their little small fire with their little small tree with their little small presence, but still having fun and joy and finding the lovely fucking whatever in Christmas.

What we have here is like a house full of fucking people and it's obvious. Yeah, you know, you'd have a great time there. Yeah. Yeah. Completely fucks their own source material. They also, they make us waste a lot of our life on Martha hiding, but then not hiding. Oh my God. It's so okay.

So again, in a Christmas Carol, right? The whole thing is like, they have a moment, right? Where Martha isn't going to be able to make it because she is working and married into another family. Now, like the meaningful thing. And then they surprise him and he's there. We're supposed to see the joy of spending time with your family but instead they're just like pranked got you asshole amazing yeah but then this is where we introduced tiny Tim

into the story and the way that they introduce it is with Bob Cratchit going like well you know tiny Tim sure is lucky to have this bum leg he's got since it draws him closer to God or some shit. Right, kid? I'm right here. I can hear you. Here's the thing. Don't say crippled.

His eyes. Tiny Tim is the preachy, unnecessary part of a Christmas cat. You can't make him more preachy and unnecessary than he is, so they just make him dumber. Right? Like there's that thing, oh I thought people would like to see me as a reminder of who made blind men walk and deaf men see, or whatever the fuck blind he is. Right? Like I'm sure people with disabilities are just like, I'm glad I'm here as a nice little

tchotchke reminder of Jesus. Right? But this movie fucks that up because they're like, well you know what? just like I'm glad I'm here as a nice little tchotchke reminder of Jesus right but this movie fucks that up because they're like well you know what speaking of Jesus why don't we pray for Tiny Tim to be healed and I was like are they gonna fucking miracle cure Tiny Tim with Jesus in this musical and they're so mean about setting up their horrible dumb thing too. Dad's like yeah so you know you grow close to God because your legs are all fucked up. Right?

Right, Tim? I heard you said you were right here. You heard this, right? Right? Yeah. And then Tiny Tim has to hobble over and be like, uh-huh, I'm going to do a song about the mysterious ways of the rickets now. Cool.

Yes. I'll sing a solo. I'm good at singing, right? Oh my God. This, okay. This is like torture, but for us and him. Yeah. Right? Like it's a torture.

Like, like there's a point during this song where you're just like mad at all the people who stood around and let him do this without putting him out of his misery. He sings like cats fuck. Here's what I think happened. I think this kid like sometime earlier in the year came to his parents and he was like, I think I have an anxiety disorder and I'd like to be medicated for it.

And they were like, counterpoint, let's make you sing with and in front of 700 people. It is true. I want you, and I know some of our listeners deal with anxiety, have panic attacks. Next time you're having a panic attack, I want you to imagine you have to sing an obscure Christmas song

in front of your entire childhood church. Just try and improvise a few lines and you'll really grasp what Tiny Tim is going through. And the song they've written feels like it was improvised, because they start with Somewhere Over the Rainbow musically

and then whoever wrote this was like that's no fuck somewhere over the rain bones that's not me that's I remembered that yeah look honestly even with the music helping me out I did not know what tune this kid was going for no but the the gist of the song is sure would be sweet if Jesus had fixed my fucking leg. Can't believe I didn't think about asking for this before. Oh boy, you think I would have thought of this pretty much right away when the concept of an omniscient, omnipotent God was introduced. Boy, do I feel like a real eight-year-old asshole, probably six years of just fucking around if this works.

Yeah, right, right. I'm going to click my heels together. Ah peg leg So but after the song Scrooge turns to the angel and he's like hey, you know Is Tiny Tim gonna die and at first I think he's asking about my like putting him out of his misery question But no, he doesn't want him to die right now And she's like hey remember earlier when you said that all the useless people should go to jail like he's pretty fucking useless I didn't think about him, but like they're Yeah to be clear

This is like again not to be too much of a Christmas Carol fan But like this is a really meaningful moment in a Christmas Carol because Ghost of Christmas Present is super nice to Scrooge and he has a really good time. And then he's like, hey, Ghost of Christmas Present, we're bros. Like Tiny Tim's not going to die, right? And then he says his own thing back to him and you're like, oh my gosh, Charles Dickens, you're such a great writer. Or in the case of musical, none of that.

Absolutely none of that. No, no, because the fucking ghost is roast or the angel is roasting him the whole time. Any poison ivy, please. Yeah, poison. Here's a Christian name. Yeah. So but he's like, hey, boys, maybe I've learned my lesson and I would really like to go and I'm like, yeah, me too. I want you to go to I would like everyone to just go. But then they all start talking about Cratchit and his family.

They're talking about what a piece of shit Abaniser is. Yeah. Right. And Bob's like, hey, why don't we pray for, like, you know, Timmy and his fucking legs and shit, but also for my shitty boss to be like happy or whatever. Jesus. Now, I wrote in my notes, because I underestimated the stupidity of this movie, what a terrible thing within this universe to do to pray for this kid's leg to be, like, you know, what a cruel hope to torment that kid with. I thought that the horrible thing was contained within the play.

It's not. We'll get back to that later. No. It's a horrible thing for the kids watching from home another horrible thing they do is make Tim sing again Right fucking after he gets done singing you're like well at least whatever happens. That's over and he starts singing again Again and then they're like hey Ty Tim you want to put the star on top of the tree well Yeah, with like a bunch of help, because you know, Near as that's good.

Do you want to put it near the top of the tree? Because you can't get to the same for the tree, the tree in general. Yeah, I look at me. Can't get his jump and he can't get it. He's forgetting to ask God for to fix that. Idiot. Don't you know he He doesn't even know. We should have told him. We should have asked when we noticed, but he's got to be a part of it.

That's how the spell works. Clearly, yeah. Obviously, that's how the magic kicks in. So, yeah, so they wrap up that song. Everybody gets back to talking about what an asshole Ebenezer is. Then the clock chimes, and I guess that means that we're done with that angel and it's time for the third angel. This one of course, the angel of Christmas future is the Grim Reaper.

Yeah, but for some reason they went with scarecrow makeup on the angel of death. Scarecrow Reaper. Also he has a sword. He has a sword. Also he's on painter stilts, which is going to be great. Oh, I was like, and he's a giant human being. Okay, still makes a little bit more sense. Yeah, he's on painter stilts, which is why he can only walk in tiny little steps because

he's wearing a robe, right? And like if you're wearing stilts, you take a big step in a robe, you're going to step on your robe unless you're really good at walking on stilts. And he's not. So he's going to walk in little tiny baby steps for the entire time. He sure is. So also, he has to unsheathe his sword at this point, but they've given him these giant rubber skeleton gloves. And he can't do it. So he's like slapping it.

He's trying to flap it out of the scabbard. It's the best. I will say though, this is the first time in the entire movie where something shut that noisy kid up, right? This got the noisy kid's attention at least. Yeah. Well, and this is also great because they do the scene transition, right? Where the ghost points and he's supposed to be cold while they head to like the other set But again, it takes so long that Scrooge makes cold noises for like two. It's technically an edging video. Yeah, right, right

Well again because this guy has to take these tiny ass little steps to move across the stage And then so death is like go to your office and listeners You can't see it, but I typed go to your office in small caps Which is very fucking funny if you're a Discworld fan. Very funny. But yeah, so but the death character, the death character never talks. I was trying to use that Discworld joke the whole fucking time, but he doesn't talk. So I couldn't.

I had to like shoehorn it in here. But he's like, they're at his office and Scrooge is like, well, wait a minute, it's 6pm and there's nobody at my office. I always work past 6 p.m. No! Right! So, and then I guess there's three guys standing around outside talking about how dead Ebenezer is.

Okay, this was almost my favorite character besides Jean-Bernard Ramsey. The guy who instead of English accent went with baby voice He he so they're like I say I heard he died. Yes during the night. I bet nobody knew he was your won And you can see all the other actors be like hey Chris. Can I speak to over here? The fuck are you doing we've talked about, uh, you agreed not to do this. We fucked up our sexual role play last time we did this. Also doesn't work for the scene. You said bitch so many times.

So, but they all talk about how nobody's going to go to his funeral and one guy goes, hey, was I his best friend? I think maybe I was his best friend because he nodded at me once. Said Cecil the character. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. They do a bit that I have a question about. A guy sneezes and then another guy gives him a hanky and then he goes, no, you keep it.

And that's it. Is that is that a bit? No. Was that supposed to be anything? There was. I wrote my notes at the end of the scene. I feel like they thought these were comedy lines, but the audience knew better Right, so they just kept saying words and then just pausing no one would react and then they just eventually left

You just texted us all what that's nothing Alright so for the patrons I should have pointed out that we've made two callbacks to the ads now in the last you got Listen to the ads. Yeah, but they're after a good job on her. They know they were pretty good. So, okay So now we cut to a pawn broker where? Ebenezer's old housekeeper is cash and she stole a bunch of shit from his house and is now selling that okay Dickensian London had a more progressive estate tax than we do now Clearly yes, and can I say there's not enough dancing around and laughing wildly when you visit the pawnbroker a more progressive estate tax than we do now. What is happening? Clearly, yes. And can I say, there's not enough dancing around and laughing wildly when you visit

the pawnbroker. It's a very somber affair. I felt that for a very long time myself. Yeah. And they're all sitting there talking about how, like, well, you know, if he had been such an asshole, people wouldn't have taken his shit when he died. And I'm like, why would he give a fuck who took his shit when he died? He's an atheist in this. Like he says says he says throughout this that he's it got no use for God and that he's not a Christian like I don't give a fuck like yeah, it'd be nice to know like to think my stuff is going to the people who love me and care about me when I die, but like I'll be dead. I don't give a fuck if my housekeeper steals all of it and takes it to the pawnbroker

I won't know about that. I plan to trick Lucinda out of all of your stuff with a series of ruses. Okay. All right. Good luck with that rivaled japs, yeah, okay, so But yeah, but then she's like well, you know I actually have a robbing the dead song to sing as we laugh at his general demise so they sing a song the lyrics of which are we've already referred to this but la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la that's it okay and again he's mentioned this earlier but you know a song is good when the final line is that's the end of the song and it is not in fact the end of the song that's not the final they're like that's the end of the song. It's not, that's not the final, they're like, that's the end of the song.

Nope. Anyway, as we were singing about, yes, it's the weirdest fucking, it is such a fuck you to us. Okay, I did enjoy though that that gave us one shot, I don't know why, for an 80s fuck saxophone to jump in from the pit orchestra out of nowhere, like a solo from the boss. It was so fun.

It was the weirdest saxophone appearance since the Lost Boys. It was fucking nuts. Since Bill Clinton was on SNL. Yeah, yeah. Arsenio Hoh. Yeah. So then we cut to Ebenezer and Death and Death takes him to his grave. Okay.

This is so good because this is such a great example of them not understanding, right? So the whole thing about this scene is that he doesn't know who it is, but the grave is facing the audience and has Ebenezer Scrooge written on it in giant letters. And he's looking at it going, whose grave is this? Whose grave is this? Oh, it's mine. I can see it from here.

That's very... Yes. Okay. Grave is the Grave is up. It's mine. I can see it from here. That's very Okay But yeah, and and also like Hey, look the ghost of christmas future could take everybody to their grave Yeah, right because that's that's everybody's future. You don't scream and be like i'm gonna die in the future like yeah Right, obviously you're gonna die future ghost in the future. At the very least you got a grave. Yeah.

So, yeah, right. You might fake your death like Nick Fury or something, but yeah, you're going to probably just die eventually too, even if you do that. Right. But he's so sad that he sings a, I'm going to turn my life over to Jesus song. Well, he says that song. And this song had the lyric that I think was personally intended to make. No illusions have a second heart attack.

It goes, if I may quote, if it's not too late, I'll no more keep you waiting. This was another one that started with something they realized they were stealing. It started with maybe this time from Cabaret. So it's like, maybe this time I'll be like, nope, Christ is God. I mean, Jesus. He sings it. He's got a song about how he's learned his lesson and he promises to serve God From now on and the whole song it like it plays like

He's trying to get God to take him back like a high school girlfriend that he was shitty to right yeah, whatever but then he wraps up that song by going down on one knee to pray and He now believes in the right religion. The crying kid in the audience is fucking done at this point. So with that kid. And if you're thinking, listener, oh, the guys skipped over the part where Tiny Tim is dead. No, they did not bother with that part in this version of the Christmas Carol.

They didn't want to be a downer about it. The emotional crux of a Christmas Carol was not as important to them as Scrooge's religion. The board kid in the audience is just talking at full volume. Okay. So, so we, but we fade to him in his bedroom still echoing the Jesus prayers that he's saying, and he realizes that he's still alive, but, but he knew that was the ghost of Christ. Like when you're standing by your own grave going, I'm going to die, you're still alive then. Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck's going on. But yeah, he's really excited. He sings Deck the Halls. He says at one point, I don't know what day of the month it is. And I'm like, probably the fucking 25th man. Christmas man. You're supposed to know that. They went with a bunch of maniacal laughing from him realizing he had been saved here.

I was going to say, Scrooge is always doing the happy, happy, happy thing at the end of the play, but this was less I found Jesus and more I found some of that Joker gas. Yes. Right. Right, no, this is a very, it pushed Stelosha in the basket kind of a gas. Yes. Right. Right. No, this is a very like it pushed the lotion in the basket kind of a laugh.

Yeah. Like long and crazy. And I liked that the actress playing the maid is supposed to show up here, but she clearly waits extra long to enter on her cue and he like runs out of maniacal laughter, noises that he has to keep trying. He loses his breath. It was pretty fun. Yeah, I wrote in my notes,

I'm out of breath watching this scene, let alone performing it. It was like Eli had written a sketch where he's making noises at the beginning and she was like, yeah, no, keep doing sit ups and grunting, that's great. And he's vomiting. But she comes in and he is like maniacally laughing

and chasing her around the stool. She's obviously uncomfortable and then and chasing her around the stool. She's obviously uncomfortable. And then he throws her onto his bed. Yeah. Super uncomfortable. Either they're very unaware of dynamics when they wrote this play or they're aware of dynamics and don't care. And I don't know which is worse. Right. Well, and she starts to like get off the up off the bed and he gives her a bunch of money and she's like, wait, what is this for? And she gets back on the bed. I'm like, Hey, hold on a second.

Wait a minute. But no, but he gives her a raise to 10 shillings a week. He was only paying her four shillings a week. So, you know, this is exciting. Also your new title is a vice president of gruel. So that's cool. And then he yells at the kid on the street to go buy the biggest turkey at the poultry shop and deliver to Bob Cratchit's house.

Feel like if I'm the kid, I'm just eating that turkey. Right. Because like, that's the thing is that he finds some homeless kid on the street and he's like, Hey, why don't you grab a big giant piece of food that you're not going to get to eat, pay for it and bring it to someone else who already has food. Right. Also, I love that the fucking poultry shop is open on Christmas morning. I feel like three ghosts have to visit the asshole

running that place, right? Exactly, yeah. Just a bunch of Jewish families going for Chinese food. Oh yeah, right, there you go. So now it's time for him to do the I'm still an asshole pranks. And to to be fair these are in A Christmas Carol 2 which I always thought was a weird choice right after you've realized the error of your ways and that you've been abusing the people around you to be like I know I need to make my

amends but I want to do it with a little bit of a pizzazz, a little bit of showbiz. Right. Prestige! So yeah so he wanders out to spread his good cheer he finds the guy Huzzah, celebrity showbiz. Yeah, right. Precise! So yeah, so he wanders out to spread his good cheer. He finds the guy who owes him the money from the beginning, Mr. Fredericks, and he's like, oh, do you have that loan payment for me, Mr. Fredericks? And he's like, oh, I don't think so. He's like, well, give me the loan documents. He's like, I always carry them with me.

Yes, they are right here. Yep. He tears it up and he says, this is my favorite, he goes, they say, we don't know what to say. And he says, they are right here. Yep. He tears it up and he's this is my favorite. He goes, they say, we don't know what to say. And he says, don't say anything. Just give all the praise to Jesus. And I wrote in my notes. Well, okay, that's saying something that I would be saying a thing. Yeah. Also just tearing up the mortgage note is nothing. Yeah, that is nothing screwed. Still has his. has his. He can. Yeah, we're close. Also, the people who are like cheering at this fucking church about this goddamn part of the play get really mad when Joe Biden does this.

I just want to put that out. It is odd. So now we cut over to the Cratchit house and this is again the denouement. Tiny Tim is healed. Yeah, it has nothing to do with Scrooge. He isn't good as gold and better. He just shows up and Tiny Tim's like, yeah, I just fucking asked. Yeah, right. As it turns out, God was willing to do that at a moment's notice. Hey, Tiny Tim, did you like pray for anybody else to get magically healed?

No, just me. It's not how the magic works. You're spending the rest of your life going to hospital now? It's very funny because there's almost a you're kind of stepping on my bit here tiny Tim moment because he's like I've been Saved by Christ and they're like yeah, no, we know um he's magically healed of his illness, and he's like oh well, I'm Less of an asshole now. Yeah, right yeah exactly. I don't have much. I haven't done anything. Yeah, but I think I'm gonna be less Right. Yeah, I mean I bought a bird. I bought you guys a turkey I guess you already had food you'd probably already get just ran off with it. All right He just took my money. He didn't even buy

Cod why didn't I do Cod? This is awkward. Ah, I miss when I was Jewish and I knew that stuff. I think it's time for a Susa march about one polio victim getting healed. Yes, let's do a song. Polio. Ah, so yeah, so now the whole goddamn cast is going to come up and sing to us again. There's some choreography here. It is lift the left fist and then the right fist

Repeat the end. Yeah, so many people got punched in the face. Oh, yeah Yeah, a hundred percent this had more victims than January 6th. Yep, and and of course I wrote my notes This song pretends to end and then doesn't mm-hmm, of course Over and over again. But eventually it gets a standing ovation from the audience. And I'm like, wow, guys, this was better than our Nashville live show was. Yeah. Their audience loved them more.

Wow. Our audience. I remember quite a large standing ovation in my head. Oh, OK. Well, in that case. Nice. Excellent. Yeah.

Awesome. I stood up for me. I me. I also stood up at the end. Yeah. But yeah. So, but the play is over, but that doesn't mean we're done yet because Scrooge Wellies got us here. Would like to chat with us a little bit in case any of us didn't catch the moral in that very complex parable that we just that we just witnessed. Hey, everybody. I know we just basically tacked the word Jesus onto a Christmas Carol a story so simple that people

Hundreds of years ago could understand it, but I just want to be clear that was about Jesus We'd like you to be Christian. I would like us all to sing exactly one verse of joy Because somehow of joy to the world together. It's so sad, because somehow, impossibly, against all odds, this cast got a big ovation, and then this piece of shit pastor immediately shuts it down.

He's like, everybody shut up, sit down, sit down, sit down. I have a speech. I'm myself now, by the way, and I want to talk about Jesus. I am less likable than I was when I was Act One. Abanis are scrooge. So they sing a single verse of joy to the world, which goes exactly as well as you imagine. Then they bring out the writer. We teased this earlier, but the writer is from their town and they're like, can you

believe Jim wrote this? And everyone's like, fuck yes, we can. Yep. It sure sounds like Jim wrote it. And they bring him out a ream of computer paper and she goes, we got you some more paper so you can write us another play. And he does the sort of like, I don't like it when someone gives me a fake gift in front of other people, head shake.

And that's it. Yep. That's it. And then everybody bows and like you really get a sense of just how bloated this goddamn cast is when they have to come out like nine at a time to do these bows for 45 minutes. Truly. It's equal length of the play. And for the bows, they come in with a really good song over the PA and it was fucking jarring

because they're reminding us what music sounds like after two hours of that shit. Yeah, right. No, it's like when it's been dark for a really long time. Any light seems bright, yeah. But everybody does their little wacky bows. Death still has to walk really slow after his bow, so it's really super awkward. And then Scrooge, of course, gives himself one size. The only one that has a solitary bow,

he takes it at the end so that he can have the stage to himself for a bit. All glory to Jesus except, well, me. Me. Me. Also me. Also, yeah, exactly. And while that's going to do it for our review of the gospel according to Scrooge, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to lay out on another

grenade but not next week because next Tuesday is Christmas Eve and we're going to take that one off, but we still need to lay on a different grenade the week after that. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. After five happy months of dating Tom, Lisa is horrified to learn that he's obsessed with her least favorite holiday. As the big day approaches, Lisa begins to learn the true meaning of love and the holiday season will be watching Netflix's own I Believe in Santa the week after Christmas. So with that to look forward to we're going to bring

episode 486 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you didn't count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash got off and thereby earn only access to an afterie version of the episode. I've got all put in there by your own free version episode Tell them by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show Media platforms if you enjoyed this show be sure check out our sibling shows Dd minus this camera where a podcast left if you have questions, thank you comments or cinema suggestions You get about god awful movies like I'm Tim Roberts Social media are these so I was written in before my rights slutty will dress on Mars all the other music was written

You guys are calling back to ads conversations we had before the record started all kinds of crazy shit Your life this week breathe that right knee light buzzing I'm delicious burger the check maybe until, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club clothes. Merry Christmas. God decided to keep giving people polio for about a hundred years and then allow a vaccine, but still keep doing it. Still keep doing people polio. This playwright's Saturday morning cartoon, Casper the Inert Corpse, didn't go over great. Ghost of Christmas Future was defeated by The Undertaker at Rage in the Cage.

Yeah, because he couldn't walk great. Yeah, obviously. Morgan, check out the song Northern Lights by Patti and the Rats if you don't know it. I don't know, it struck me as something that you would like, but I really don't have a sense of your musical taste, so I'm probably wrong. All right. That's how I make musical recommendations to people who actually know music. You don't have to, you probably won't like it. You're smarter than me on music. My music is stupid. That's why it's great to have bad musical taste. No one ever asks me what I'm listening to. I'm like, still Imagine Dragons, man.

They keep making albums for me and I keep lapping them up. You know what I really love? 4-4, right? Fucking love Imagine Dragons. Eli, you and I are going to an Imagine Dragons show. I would love to go just us and a bunch of guys getting tricked into joining the Army. Hell yeah Get in that desert and die. Fuck yeah. High school was hard

Fuck that was a gulp Tried to do a quick sip it turns into a gulp really quick. What you working with, just straight up water? Water. Yeah, mostly it's water for me these days. Water and juice. Juice? Yeah. Grape juice and-

You getting into the crayon hybrids? No. No. Oh, gotta explore the world of crayon. No, I'm still very much a kid I'm just like I almost have to have it in a plastic cup with two hands. Yep grape and orange Grape juice orange juice water. That's pretty great. It's pretty close to wine You could and can I say from my heart should tell people you drink wine?

Like grape free drink one. Like great pre pre maturity wine. I'm a big fan of pre maturity wines. And I was like, dude, you got to wait. Lost him too soon. Right. Of a drug. Still rolling.

Oh, I'm going to actually win this. Oh, I lost so slow. Yeah.. Oh, I lost. So slow. Yeah. Yeah. And Heath was even slower. I know. I had to go up and down, up and down several times on this one to get to. How's Nancy Carey getting him under his desk?

I see. In his weird squatting desk. Jeff Galooney. You got a lot of Jeff Galooney going on actually. I do. I do. I do. Tell me I didn't work for the CIA. You didn't work for the CIA.

I did though. Yeah. Right? Do you live with your mom? No. Do you though? That's good. That's good.

I didn't believe you. All right. She should have let him show her the nunchucks. It is honestly the most missed moment in history when he's like, I could do a demonstration. She's like, we don't want that. I'm like, that's the worst thing that's ever happened. We do want that. Of course we want that.

He would have done nunchucks for you, Nancy, whatever he wants. All right. Interstitial. Nobody's bigger than the bit. Take one for the team. Interstitial one. All right. Interstitial one. All right, interstitial one.

Is there a song that just goes, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la? La la la. The grudge girl appearing out of a screen next door was like, ah, that looks like it sucks. All right, here's the weirdest thing. Guys, I'm actually a rapper. I'm going to do one too.

I'm going to do one too. Here's the weirdest fucking thing. When I typed the lyrics into my notes. La la la la la la la I just typed like 19 laws and I got a red underline and I clicked on it and it was just it gave me 23 laws Was like are you sure you didn't mean four more laws because 19 would be stupid. They say it's got a correct. Your chug a chug. Well, that's right. I think I see how many chug a chug. I was about to ask you to check chug a chug for the official answer from spell check. Yeah.

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