God Awful Movies - 490: One Nation Under God

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

In this week's episode, Lydia and Thomas Smith join us for an atheist review of One Nation Under God, the story of a terrifying world where kids aren't forced to pledge allegiance to a monotheistic deity regardless of their personal beliefs. === Hear more from Thomas and Lydia on Where There’s WokeIf you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/

And in addition, the debate fucking teacher who's in charge of this whole thing has so obviously been favoring David the whole time. He's like, all right, so first we have the good looking, amazing, super smart kid. He's like behind him, he's like Don King back in the day with the boxers. And we've got that. And then he's like, and then this other fucking shit Fucking moron Awful movie Movie! Movie! Movie!

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Movie! Movie! Movie! this week, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Ready to rumble, Noah. All right, you're in the spirit. We're also excited to welcome back the hosts of the Where There's Woke podcast, Thomas and Lydia Smith. Lydia, Thomas, welcome back. Hello. Thanks for having us. Did I start a fire so that Kara wouldn't be able to do this and we get to be on the show back again? Uh oh. No. Who asked that? Who said that? Too soon. What?

So wait, Thomas did the LA wildfires. But aren't we... That's new lore. There you go. As revenge for 9-11. As revenge for 9-11, exactly. Should still do the website Marsh Started the Fires though, just to keep it on theme. Yeah, no, I think it's important. Alright, so tell us Lydia, what will we be breaking down today?

Oh dear God, we watched One Nation Under God and it is the story of surprise, surprise, the Pledge of Allegiance and us not saying under God anymore and how that is so, so wrong that one high school boy has to stand up against the machine. Damn right it is. To get it back in there. Damn right it is. It's just yet another chapter in the persecution fetish genre of Christian film. It's amazing how many of these that we've watched.

But a truly impressive one. It is. Oh yeah. It's truly impressive how much the reverse victim narrative is in this one. It's to the point where I think they're doing a bit. It's like, what if, opposite of everything, what if everyone was gay and they were making us be gay and then the one straight kid is like, I don't want to suck a dick. And they're like, suck a dick.

You must suck a dick. And clearly in this world, not in like some post-apocalyptic world. That's what, a 5% exaggeration? Like what? It really is. It could be the sequel. Yeah, right. If they tried to up the stakes for the sequel, David would show up at school and they'd be like, yeah, we got a new headmaster. He says, we're all gay, cats,

and we all have to shit in a litter box. President giving a speech to the kids in like bondage gear, you know? We're all gay, cats, and we all have to shit in a litter box. Yeah. President giving a speech to the kids in like bondage gear. There's a reason they call me the headmaster. You're a riding crop. It's a real testament to how long this episode is going to be that I'm just now getting to ask Eli how bad was this movie? Well, if you love God's Not Dead, but you wish it took on the hard hitting issues

like can Americans eat all the ice cream they want and is thinking still legal? Yeah. You will love this movie. You know those white ladies that hold up the signs that say Latinos for Trump? And then the New York Times is like, cool, where are you from?

And they're like that lady wrote a movie the movie yeah that's what it is all right so when it comes to the nominations for best worst I'm actually gonna start us off this week I have to throw this one out right away all right so this movie has the best worst mr. Miyagi of all fucking time, right? Because Mr. Miyagi is, he's like a trope at this point. You know, the wise old man that takes the boy under his wing and teaches him about life through whatever. It's Kevin fucking Sorbo, okay?

I need to say no more than that. Yeah, it's like if Mr. Miyagi had a chip on his shoulder and just was a real like passive aggressive bitch to everyone. He's like, I'm fucking, I should go to karate on my own. It's like if Mr. Miyagi thought he could get away with doing a couple of Christian movies and then somehow it was his whole career. The exhaustion just never faded from his eyes. I've got best work, look there's so many things to choose.

I just want to choose a real unique one to this movie. Best worst identification of food. There are two times when they... There's food on the set, like sure, whatever. I also want to note this is the closest thing to a real movie that I think we've ever watched for GAM. Oh, for sure. Which is not... Thank to a real movie that I think we've ever watched for GAM. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Which is not, thank you, I appreciate that.

At least it was like I couldn't see the boom mic falling on someone's head. Right, it was lit. It was lit. Not fundraising for Donkey Ranchers. There are two scenes where they have food and they actively in the script say what the food is and it's visibly wrong. Incorrect. Like they're fucking with us.

Like it's like they just are letting us know they can, you know? I think that's them saying, you know how we're pretending that, you know, 80 to 90 percent of this Christian fucking country isn't Christian? We're also going to tell you this food is not the food it is. Right, yeah, yeah. This world, this is corn on the cob. Yeah, right. This ham sandwich this is corn on the cob. Yeah, right. This ham sandwich? Tuna fish.

Fuck off. Yep. So, mine is kind of what you guys have already laid out. I think that this is the best worst Christian persecution complex. This is so ridiculous. The entire movie we're sitting and going like, what are you talking about? You freaking babies. The entire movie. The entire movie we're sitting and going like, what are you talking about? You freaking babies! The entire movie.

Entire movie. That's a bold... It's bold to come on Godawful Movies and be like, I think this is the best worst Christian... That's me. Christian victim complex. But you might be right. Like that's the green thing.

You might have lucked into it. I'm a bold person. So... No, I'm not. Yeah, because I mean, at least, does Jesus give you candy was a hypothetical, right? He wasn't saying it's happening now. And I'm going to take a bold stance here.

I'm going to go with best worst mom. Yes! We see a lot of bad moms in Christian cinema, right? But like usually the movie doesn't know that they're bad moms or the movie sort of makes enough excuses around the bad moming that like they're sort of a heavy line. But this is just about an absolutely terrible mother failing in every possible way.

And then the movie ends. Like it never does. I can never redeem them anyway. All right, well, given how much this movie is going to fantasize, I suppose we should give it some time to lube up. So we're going to take a quick break. But we'll be back in a minute with all the persecuted majority bullshit that is One Nation Under God.

Okay. But have you seen Scramble House? No. You haven't seen Scramble House? Hey guys, what you doing? Thomas, why do you hate your wife? What? I don't.

Well, but, but you guys haven't seen Scramble House, Higgins, hobbies, or well, then if you must. Are you having another heart attack? What's happening? Is he having a heart attack? No, Thomas, these are British TV shows. They're all on like Netflix or iPlayer. Oh, I don't think we get those. Well, don't you have ExpressVPN?

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The Godfather 1 & 2 are all available when you're using ExpressVPN. That's why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorse ExpressVPN. All I had to do was open ExpressVPN, select a new country, tap one button to connect, refresh Netflix, and there it all was. Amazing. So be smart. Stop paying full price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content. Get your money's worth at expressvpn.com slash awful.

Don't forget to use my link expressvpn.com slash awful to get an extra four months of Express VPN for free. All right, Eli. Thanks. I can't wait to watch Shammer and Wolf. They're detectives, but one of them is a sheep. Which one? That's the mystery.

All right, guys, welcome to the first ever writer's room meeting of One Nation Under God. Woo! All right. Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. New kid, fancy school. Maybe he won the lottery to get in there. Mmm, compelling.

Right? Yeah. And so on the first day, he notices that when they say the pledge, they don't say under God as part of it. Oh, right. Yeah. And so, you know, he does. And one of the popular kids is like, that's it. I'm going to hunt you for sport now. Sorry, what? Yeah. And so he's running through school, trying not to be mercilessly slaughtered by the herd of atheists that

run the school. But then one teacher played by Kevin Sorbo Helps him out. We got Kevin Sorbo. Oh, yeah, it's really easy nice And and at the end they have little machine they get machine guns And then they just like mow down all the atheists in the cafeteria With you know with your guns Okay, um, I love the the attitude the mindset it's just that the the guns Seem a little far. Yeah. Yeah. So let's keep the spirit of being hunted for sport or Whatever you said and it will be you know something a little more friendly like a debate

Right or something. All right. Well, OK, but I already wrote a bunch of lines for the main character where he treats everybody around him as a mortal enemy that's hunting him for sport. Yeah, no, we can keep those lines. Oh, OK. Oh, yeah. I just found Kevin Sorbonne fiver. How much is he? Three dollars. Sure. $3. Sure. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a Ronald Reagan quote,

which tells you what we're getting into with this one. So we get Christian Imagine Dragons singing to us about, back when there was only one religion and everyone was Christian. It's a fucking MAGA rap. That's such a good description, Noah. Yeah, it totally is Christian Imagine Dragons. Like, God, that was rough. And to be clear, Imagine Dragons is Christian Imagine Dragons.

You have to, it has to be very important to you. So, but eventually we resolve on this reporter who's catching us up and she's letting us know that there's a big presidential primary debate happening in the one town where all the things happen, I guess. Yep. It's in that town. That reporter is going to matter and I did not realize she was going to matter. So I just kind of spaced out.

Neither did the movie. She was almost my best worst, which is best worst to catch a predator side storyline. Like Sea Story, we'll get to it. Emma Saxon. Yeah. I almost went with best worst. Remember that Japanese video game that tried to do a baseball team and Fred put American names on it. Got it all booked. Emma Saxon. That's where's Bob's and Dugnut. Oh God, I love that meme. I saw that meme like 15 years ago. You know how my memory doesn't have anything?

That's one thing that's still left in me. Bob's and Dugnut made it through the cut! Yep, that's that one. Oh, I'm so happy for you. That'll be a lot of trauma to get rid of Bob's and Dugnut. Two out of three kids' names and Bob's and Dugnut's. Instead of the sleigh, you know, instead of Rosebud, I'll be like, bops and dugs. So yeah, but she tells us all about that.

Senator Vieira and Governor Palabra are going to be debating. And then we meet a mother and because she's a mother in a Christian movie, we meet her making breakfast. Yeah, of course. When we meet a mother and because she's a mother in a Christian movie, we meet her making breakfast. Yeah, of course. We are, you know, what are we almost 500 movies in? I don't think we have ever met a mother in a Christian movie who wasn't making breakfast at the time for the men in her life.

Yes, exactly. And this, it will be very important to this movie that this is aimed at the brand new You know force of Latinos who vote for Donald Trump So everyone's gonna be rolling ours and speaking their best spent. It's your it's taking your dad to a Mexican restaurant the character For us all to Vamanos Get the end. How that does relax Mitch? So much fun here if it didn't work Yeah. Let's get the enjalatas. Relax, Mitch. We're in the Taco Bell drive-thru. That'd be so much funnier if it didn't work. Yeah, right. It was from 2020 and a single-handedly swung the election.

Yay. It did. So I just want to point out they're going with the trope of she's got too much to... She's can't... She doesn't have it together. She's a mom. She's a single mom. She's struggling.

Yes. The only problem is they never, ever, single mom. She's struggling. Yes. The only problem is they never ever ever Explore why she's struggling. Yes, so you could watch the whole movie plausibly thinking she has a hardcore drug habit or Is like I don't know doing porn on the side like she just for no reason Doesn't have it together and fails in every scene and they never bother explaining it or tying up the loose ends. And it's so at that that aspect of the movie is so bizarrely absent because later on in the movie it will expect us to be like, yeah, well, you know, she does have too much on her plate. We're like, but what's on her plate?

Yeah, you could show the plate. My genuine hypothesis, and I'm only a little bit joking, is that they know their audience just thinks of Spanish people as poor and struggling. And is there like, we don't have to go into it. They're going to know that thems are always having a hard time. You know, it's like, ayayay! I was going slightly different in that I thought, I think they're assuming if the father is gone, it's impossible. Right.

Obviously no house can survive. If there's no father in the household, you can't do it. That's never been done. Yeah. Foreshadowing to conversations about divorce and single mothers and. Yep. What not at the end. Yeah.

So, okay. But, but we learn here, she's, she's trying to get him ready for school. This is his first day at his fancy magnet school. And apparently she woke him up like 13 seconds before he had to fucking go. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly. So they get him to school, and then we've got him,

and we learn very importantly that he, like, won the lottery thing to get into this very fancy magnet school unit. Yeah, like midterm or something, or like mid. Yeah, clear. Because everyone else is already doing school. Like, it doesn't matter, but the calendar of this movie is so fucking funny.

You're right. It's like the presidential primary, it's not the first day of school. You know, it's like nothing lines up. Oh yeah, presidential primary that's not gonna line up at all. In August, I guess? Or September? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Middle of the summer. It's also super funny in this moment with the lottery where he says,

Mom, I just made it with her lottery. And she goes, no, you earned it. And I was like, well, no, it is one of those things. It was either a lottery pick or he earned it. Yeah. Yep. Can we just have a moment to talk about the zooming that the camera is doing throughout this movie,

where they are like stationed outside of the school and then they want to like see what's happening in the car. So they decide to zoom in from like the front of the school all the way to the car. But I know they have different cameras because we get different angles. Why in the world was that the choice? It reads like some people were making a movie in private, like doing the acting. And then a cameraman was like, oh, I'm going to get this. Yeah, it's a sex, lies and videotape situation.

But the thing is, is that there's like three different moments in this movie where you're like, what the fuck is the cinematographer even thinking? And this is one of them. There's a couple other ones. We'll flag that early because there's two of them that I just, I have to dwell on at least a bit. So David makes it to school. He's wandering through school and we,

this is where we meet the false start love interest. I think they forgot she wasn't the love interest. They called the wrong girl. Like the love interest name is Brianna and this girl's name is Brielle, right? And she showed up today to shoot and they were like, oh, yeah, yeah, you can tell him where his classroom is. And then, okay, so he goes into the class and he gets there just as they're saying the

Pledge of Allegiance. And this is, I love this so goddamn much. As they're saying the Pledge of Allegiance, everyone leaves out the words under God except David. But critically, they leave the space there. Right? No, I say it for you. One nation, mmm, mmm, mmm.

Under God's vision. This was laugh out loud fucking funny. Oh my God. It's deadly serious and it's the entire point of the movie. Like the entire point is that one kid says under God in this space they all... It might as well be E.I. E.I. Oh?

Oh! Kill him! We don't say the oh! It's forbidden. Yeah. All right everyone, it's October 31st and just in case anyone comes to school tomorrow on November 1st, we're doing shaving a haircut. But if anyone says, you murder them where they say consider it.

But that is the inciting incident of the goddamn movie right there. So now, oh, and when he says undercut, he takes his seat and like all the kids look at him and they're like under what? Yeah. Now he's going to be bullied about it. Yeah. Right, right, right. Maine Bully looks back. You could tell. They're setting up Maine Bully as like popular, good looking Maine Bully kid.

He might as well be wearing a skeleton costume. Right. Yeah. Puts letter to a Christian nation, huffily back into his bag. So yeah, then we cut to after class and the bully wants to have a word with his Jesus loving bastard ears. Oh my God. But the best part is, right, so again, this is a classic scene, right? We've seen this in hundreds of movies, right? Bully goes to bother the new kid, new kid gets out of it, but it's new kid is smarter and quicker with words than the bully written by Christian idiots. Hey, we don't say under God around here and he's like, I'm a sovereign citizen on the land. Yes, I'm a Morris citizen. I'm a national. I'm traveling. I have to, here's my fake ID I printed out

from the internet. He might as well have asked to speak to the bully's manager. It was so good. But then the bully's just like, oh shit, he got me on a technicality. I can't beat him. Yeah, he just kind of confusedly leaves the scene. He's like, I guess I stopped bullying you. That was poorly written. And then, and I have to stopped bullying you. That was poorly written.

And then I have to talk about this. Okay. So again, talking about zooming without leaving the two shot, right? Gordon walks out of the two shot and without leaving the two shot, two children behind them go, that was Gordon Kingsley. He will be the antagonist of the film. Oh God. Well then, and then, and then they try to do a walk and talk. It's so good. Like everybody has to walk so fucking slow for this idiot cameraman who's just clearly walking backwards with the fucking handicap.

Yeah, like bum stuff. Sorry. No. So, but this is where we're going to meet real love interests. This is Maddie, and Maddie is a reporter with the school paper, which is her entire personality. Yes. Yeah. Well, that and wanting to fuck David.

Yeah, well, right. Yes. Here's the thing. They have set Maddie up as that sort of, well, right, yes Here's the thing they have set Maddie up as that sort of like adorable child crush level of Interested in David, but they're supposed to be high schoolers. So it's just fucking creepy Yeah, right cuz look when you have a seven-year-old go you're tall dark and handsome. We go like ha ha ha She's mature for her age when you have a 15 year old do it you're like you need to parent on the set where's the grown-up? intimacy coordinator

he's incapable of having a reaction to anything so yeah I went through the whole movie I'm I don't think he expressed a single feeling toward her at all no no and then the movie just ends and she's like I guess I'll go fuck myself then okay yeah right well I mean look I don't want to spoil anything but turns out a different At all? No! No. And then the movie just ends and she's like, I guess I'll go fuck myself then, okay. Yeah, right. Well, I mean, look, I don't want to spoil anything, but turns out a different romance blossoms for her. Oh, interesting. We'll get there.

With an adult. Yeah, well, no, you're right. Yeah. My best worst to catch a predator. C-plot. So, okay, so then we cut to the lunchroom and David's lunch card doesn't have any money on it yet. How embarrassing.

Because his fuck up mom. Right. And obviously the lunch lady is going to roll her eyes about him not having any money. What is this school? You broke ass piece of shit. Fuck you. Honestly, looking at you makes me sick. Yeah, she rolls her eyes about checking for if there's money or not,

and then she rolls her eyes at a kid in a wheelchair. Yes! Yeah, the kid in the wheelchair is like, I'll pay for it, and she's like, well, okay, I'll let that slide this time. Normally I make children starve to death, but okay. Alright. It's the fucking new kid. But we didn't say it.

The mom in the first scene was like, oh here, we don't have lunch at home, here, there should be money on your lunch card. There should be money. She says it specifically, I remembered to do that. Which means she specifically knows she didn't do it and just lied? Just wants him off her back.

Yeah, right. Doesn't have money on the lunch card. So it'd be one thing if she was like, oh, grab the lunch card. And then you're like, oh, Right. Doesn't have money on the lunch card. Just go to school. So like, it'd be one thing if she was like, oh, grab the lunch card. And then you're like, oh, it didn't have any money on it. She says, there is money. Like, look me in the eyes, kid. I put money on it.

And then she was lying. She don't protest too much. Also, if you were in godless California, then you wouldn't even have to worry about that because we have free school lunches. Right. Yeah, exactly. Breakfast, lunch, elementary school, middle school, high school. And this is such an elite school where the headmaster and the bully kid are obviously white Christians.

Like they couldn't be more obviously white Christians. And yet the entire thing is just fucking opposite. How atheist they are. Yeah. Just so silly. Let me tell you, the kid who plays Jonathan, Tyree Brown, is like a legitimate actor. 102 episodes of parenthood. He became like a regular on that.

And, hon, he was the voice of young Christoph in Frozen. Oh, is this the bully kid? No, this is the wheelchair kid. Oh, the wheelchair kid. Yeah, he was actually weirdly good for this movie. Yeah. He's excellent. And he is visibly uncomfortable every time they make him reference his kid. Yeah, he was actually weirdly good for this movie. He's excellent, and he is visibly uncomfortable every time they make him reference his wheelchair.

Yeah. Right, because you can tell a non-wheelchair user walked up to him and was like, and then in this scene, you're gonna be like, I'll skimple the cripple. Can you do that? Can you, you gotta use your voice. Stample, like an old timey,

and you're eating a big apple? No. You're going away from me. You're going away from me. Stabble! Like an old timey and you're eating a big apple? No! You're going away from me. You're going away from me. I guess that's how he rolls, am I right everybody? I wrote this film. New theory, this was made during COVID when actors had no work and they were able to get

like some kind of relax. That's my new, I don't know if that's true, but I'm saying that's true. It makes it even funnier. Braver theory from my heart, someone stole him and just rolled him onto the sand and made him do this movie. He kept being like, can I borrow a cell phone? They're like, no, no. He's hostage.

Yeah. Yeah. Say the line. Oh God. So, but ultimately the point of this scene though is that he sits down with a bunch of kids and they're like, are you going to hang out with us at Kevin Sorbo's class after school? And he's like, no. And they're like, well, then we don't want to be friends with you and walk off.

Right. So he's, he's now enticed to go to Kevin Sorbo's after school class. But just after that, a voice on the PA comes on to tell him to report to the headmaster's office. They need to talk to him about all that under God shit, all this under God business. Yeah. And this is where we're going to meet principal thunder nuts. This guy overplays this. My theory on this character is that this actor has never been hired to play

anything except for like the villain in a cop movie or a karate movie or whatever. So he plays the principal like a villain in a karate movie. Yeah. But what's so funny, right, is that this actor is, I'm going to say three feet tall. Yeah. So they have him doing all the villain beats, but then he'll just occasionally stand up and he's like chin next to his desk and he's like, sir, watch your back. Every villain beat he's supposed to be having, like the child is looking down on him and

being like, Oh, sure. I'm scared of you, Mr. Principal. So, but when he first comes in, he overhears the principal Talking to someone on the phone about the era the presidential candidate coming to the school to do a Press thing or whatever So he gets off the phone he turns to David and then like he can't pronounce David's name because of its Spanishness and yeah No one's ever heard of names in this country. Yeah.

Gutierrez. What are you kidding me? What kind of weird? And if anyone is known for their mistreatment of minorities with non-English sounding names, it's liberals. Am I right? Yeah. Liberal atheists.

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. All the time. Who run private schools. You know those private schools that are run by the liberal atheists? All of them? Yeah, yeah.

So this is where he explains that his son, who is the bully, the Gordon, has reported him for saying, under God. Not just saying. Oh yeah, screaming and all. Yes, yeah. And he explains that they have a policy. Now, this is a quote from the movie.

We have a policy to make everyone feel welcome and we shun and condemn those who oppose. So stupid. Yes. He's basically he's doing Jerry coin an open letter. But he says in our policy, we say that nobody can exercise their faith in a way that disturbs another student's learning. And he's like, having the Jason Bourne, do you commit to this program moment with it? Right? It's the pledge that we all fucking learned. We all it's

like he might as well be like, so I heard that you said after they said shave and hair cut, you said two bits. What the fuck are you doing? We are not a two bits school. We leave the space, but no one says anything. Stupid. But then, and look, the reality of the situation, like I obviously we all know this, but I should say it out loud.

The reality of the situation is that it's incredibly fucked up that kids of all different religions and that atheist kids, etc. are being prompted to swear allegiance to a monotheistic God at the beginning of every day in school. That's like insane that that actually happens. So dumb. Yep. And so we're, we're trying to live in a world where like they're as persecuted as we actually are in order to justify this idiotic fucking movie.

Oh yeah. And somehow they still don't get the point, right? Nope. They never realized like, oh, we do this to them. That's bad. Yeah. What's so funny is that like the movie will constantly get close to making this argument, but they know that they'd lose if they make it. So all the reasons people have for not wanting under God are like, actually Thunder Broad is the man who murdered my father and

that's why I don't like it in the press. So okay so then we cut over to Vieira's campaign headquarters. Ooh Lauren Frost of Even Stevens fame everybody. Yes! Okay. Is she okay? I don't know. I don't know. I was like, oh man, you could have been somebody, you know? Yeah, there are a lot of people in this movie that feel like someone added on an extra hundred dollars to a cameo and now they're full on in the movie.

Are you talking about Cecil's wife? Robert Belushi. Jim Belushi's son. Yeah, yeah. I thought Cecil's wife was delightful in this movie. Yeah, she was great. She was great. I won't hear a bad word about it.

Yeah, so we're going to meet Viero, who is the presidential candidate, and we're going to meet his two campaign managers. Apparently, he's got like a Roman console kind of a thing going on here where he has two competing campaign managers that always disagree about what they should be doing. Okay. This is going to be a weird poll for those of you who aren't comedians, but I just need I need to share with you as a comedian, there's nothing you get a sense for more quickly than

a fellow comedian with no sense of humor. I want to promise you right now, these two are one, the worst, and two, fucking. 100%. I got that exact same vibe. You said it's the son of which Belushi? Yeah, it's Jim Belushi's son. Son of a Belushi. Yeah. Jim Belushi. Yeah, Robert Belushi. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. I bet he started every take by being like, all right,

who's ready for that Belushi magic? Huh? Yep. So and the scene itself is fucking ridiculous, right? Because the presidential candidate is like, yeah, I'm not feeling this visit to my alma mater to the high school I went to, just not feeling it. My heart's not in it. And the one campaign manager is trying to tell him, well, he needs to do it. And the other campaign manager is trying to say, Hey, it's going to look like you're trying

to like get children to vote for you or whatever. I have no idea what her objection is. Well, I think it's like, there's no, like, it's a waste of time. Like they don't vote. So what are we doing here? To which I would think, yeah, no, that's, that's a good point. They don't have a lot of's a waste of time like they don't vote. So what are we doing here to which ice would think? Yeah, no, that's that's a good point. They don't have a lot of a lot of time And the weird thing is they've got this fucking candidate. I thought Belushi was the candidate when he walked in

Oh, yeah, oh, he's the candidate because he's got energy. He's like dynamic He's he's kind of controlling the room and then they walk in and then the candidate is actually Eeyore It's the weirdest thing. Like, I don't want to go to the event. How are you the guy who's been running for president? Like, doesn't make any sense. No charisma. Well, because he used to model underwear for Calvin Klein.

Antonio Sabato. He definitely had a, I used to model underwear for Calvin Klein look to him. That's for sure. Yes. Well, I think it's, I think in the end though, I guess what they were going for is he's been so sad that he can't profess his belief in God that he's just depressed. You know, like how in this country we don't let any politicians ever... No, politicians aren't allowed to talk about God.

No. It's like forbidden. Participate in religion. Yeah. Yeah. And so he's like bummed about to talk about God. No. It's like forbidden. Participate in religion. Yeah. Yeah. And so he's like bummed about it all the time. Yeah. No, that's what they're going for.

And this movie is just so stupidly over the top. That's the only emotion he's allowed to have throughout the movie, right? We also introduce his wife Audrey here. And we introduce this pointless, useless, never goes anywhere, rebellious daughter character. I know. So weird. So much so that I was like, what plot line got cut?

Not only does it not come around, a different plot line is what's resolved and then shoot around later. Yes! An entirely different one. Because they talk about how she, no more protests, no more. So you get the sense that her beliefs are different than the candidates. Right. Like the daughter's beliefs. That's what they set up.

And then I guess in the end, we'll get to the what the controversy ends up being, which is not that nothing like that. It's completely different. Yeah. And also, no, it didn't. Right. That too. So, OK. And so then we cut back to David at school and darn it if his mom's not going to be an hour or two late picking him up. This is so fucking funny because they treat it like, oh, you know, she's, you know,

like we said, she's so overburdened or whatever. But the thing that happens is she calls her son and she's like, I can't pick you up from school for an hour or possibly two. I'm not even willing to commit to being only an hour late to pick you up from fucking school. The guys are coming slow today. I don't know what to tell you. People are mad about COVID 9 11. I don't know what it is, but Mommy's gonna be between one, I work for the cable company and I'm coming home between one and six at some point.

Go see if there's another alternate for sort of nation state classroom. That is not part of the school, but takes place inside the school. Just wander around, see if you find one. That they're all gonna call Mr. Truman's class. But like, I mean, it's a minor thing, but it's after school. You wouldn't say, let's go to Mr. Truman's class. It's like, what are you? OK. You'd call it the club.

Yeah, right. It'd be debate club or future leaders of America club or whatever the hell it is. Yeah. So he goes to that. He's like, well, you know, they were inviting me to Kevin Sorbo's class. Maybe I'll do that. So he goes and, they were inviting me to Kevin Sorbo's class Maybe I'll do that So he goes and we have to we learn that Kevin Sorbo's character is pretty cool from his door signage Right. We just linger for a very long time and he's got some pretty clever stuff on his door Kevin Sorbo's jacket work in this scene to show cool adult Flawless oh

cool adult fucking flawless. Oh, God. And oh, ever so casually over one shoulder. You know, I've realized something about Kevin Sorbo and this exact type of person. I think he probably, as much as it's like, oh, so depressing. This guy kind of was an actor in a thing, you know, like it feels like, I think he revels in being frequently the only person who's ever done anything real on a movie set. You can lord it over everybody. You can tell him the scene,

like he's just chewing the scenery. He's taking like four hours to say one line. He's just like, this is fucking acting, you plebes. Right, nobody could tell him anything because all of these directors are just like creaming themselves to work with him. And yep. Because he could be like, in season three of Hercules,

maybe you've heard of it. Maybe you've heard it. Maybe you've heard it. Not in there. Just comes up next to him. I was actually in parentage, shut the fuck up. Yeah, this is gotta be the most like star studded movie he's ever been in. Yeah, yeah, in the last 12 years of his 15 years.

Cause there's John Belushi's son or whatever the fuck you said. Yeah. He's just trying to roll up to them at the lunchroom. So how about us legit actors all hang out? Probably shouldn't eat anyways, so I've got to say these matter what I do pretending to laugh These kids pretending to laugh at case orbs crowd work in this class

That is one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my goddamn life, right? Yeah. So, but then, so on the whiteboard, Kevin Sorbo has written- If you thought my shaving a haircut joke or whatever, it's not gonna know. Kevin Sorbo has written the words, in blank we trust. And he says, hey kids, what are some words that would fill in this blank? You know the thing that's on all our money in our courtrooms and in the pledges that we all have had to say forever?

What goes in the blank? Science. Yeah, and right, that's the first fucking answer. Kids are going, scientists and scientists, doctors, parents. Legacy media. Yes, yes. Scientists and scientists and doctors. Doctors. Legacy media. Yes, yes! Juice papers.

But I have to talk about my favorite answer here, which is that Josh, right? Parenthood kid. Jonathan. Jonathan, thank you. Parenthood kid, he gives the Emerson's answer, right? Which is that to have faith in oneself is the truest form of knowing oneself and the movie grinds to a halt so Kevin Sorbo can be like no yeah it's it's god doesn't fit in the blank well right yeah that's too many words he goes he writes all

of that stuff down and he goes like so is this, should we live in a world where we trust in these things? And all the kids are like, yes, yes, we should. And David is like, no. I'm so sorry, no, I'm so sorry because the actual language is so fucking funny. Because he goes, so they've written scientists, doctors, parents, like these are all things that obviously you would hope that we can trust. And so they're setting up and he says, do we trust these all these things? Yay or nay?

And everyone says yay. And then the main kid goes, nay. Yes. It's so fucking stupid. And then he's like, what? What? And then he goes, I mean, yay.

Just to make it even dumber. He might as well prop a single foot up on his desk. Yes. And then he backs down though. Like, it like... Yep. Kevin Sorbo's like, what? What did you?

What did you fucking say? What did you say? But I guess not really, because Kevin Sorbo's like secret, I guess, Christian that's trying to get this to... Yeah, no, he's, yeah, he's trying to provoke him to... But then all of a sudden, that's the end of this club. Like, then they all leave. Like, wow, he said nay slightly and then took it back.

So fuck this. Oh, it's time to. Yeah. But like David has an hour to two hours to kill. And he killed five minutes, maybe five minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Time works great. And it's like, wait until we get to the debates there. It's so amazing how time can dilate in this fucking movie.

So but then we cut to like all the kids leave and then he's just David's just still kicking around there because his mom's got to wait until all the clients come, I guess. I've got like an hour and 45 minutes. Right. Right. So so K-Storms is like, hey, so what did you think of that last scene? And he's like, well, was that the entire class?

Like that was that. Yeah, it was only five minutes long. It seemed a little short. Secondly, you wrote down an obvious phrase that we all know and then a bunch of idiots couldn't pick the word that we all would know would go in it. So, I'm a little skeptical, Mr. Truman. Yeah, he goes, he goes, why didn't anybody say God? And then Caseworks was like, yeah, why didn't you say it? And I'm like, yeah, no, those Christians and their notorious quietness about their beliefs. Right?

He also goes, he goes, well, you know, speaking up is not my thing. And then Kevin Sorb was like, then why are you here? And I wrote my notes, literally because his mom was running one to two hours late. Yeah. Mom's just like. Had nothing else to do, yeah.

It's my first day weirdly in the middle of the semester or something. Right. Yeah. But also June. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what's happening to me. Also June, primary season. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, clearly David has some soul searching to do, so we're going to give him a quick break. But we'll be back in a minute with even more of One Nation Under God. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Okay, Reason Con? When you came out with the long foot certificate?

Nope, gone. Oh man, that was so fun. Hey guys, whatcha doin'? Oh hey Lydia, I'm just trying to see which of Thomas' memories aren't entirely destroyed by trauma. It's like a lot of them. It really is. Oh, that doesn't sound great.

Have you tried therapy? No. Okay, well, I have and it's great. Okay. And I recommend it. Oh, no, thank you. Okay, well, if you had said yes, I would say you should try BetterHelp. What's BetterHelp?

Is that because of the trauma or because you want the point? Who are you? BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. With BetterHelp, you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. And you can easily switch therapists at any time at no extra cost. Like the time we went to New York.

New York? Write your story with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash awful. New York. Uh, thanks, I guess. What do you say? You guys ready to record the show? Only if you introduce me to your cute friend over here.

That's... that's your wife, Thomas. No, the older one. That's Noah. Beautiful name. Pfft. Hahahaha! I don't know, guys. Gordon's the most popular kid in school. Why even bother?

Don't go sippin' on that haterade now. Thanks, love. Look, man, you've got the truth on your side. That's gotta mean something. Exactly. Something to me, maybe, but not the judges. Judge Judy! Right, thanks, Lo.

It's just, I'm new around here. Do I really wanna go out on a limb like this? Limbo. Sorry, Lo, what? What, what, in the butt? Dude. That didn't make any sense. Lo got kicked in the head by a horse last year. Oh, she did?

Yes. Doctors say these phrases are just kind of working their way through her brain stem before she shuts down. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Does she know? We can't tell. In the club, we all fam. Oh wow. Yeah, low.

We all fam. Hahahaha! And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action at the Vieras house for dinner with another one of those fucking weird ass zooms that we're talking about. And we get the first of my best worsts, which is just so funny. It's just so funny. We're looking at the... I have it up right now just to make sure. I'm breaking this down like the Zapruder film. He says, I don't know what you put in this stew, but it's so good. There is no stew!

There is no stew! There is! I'm looking at it. Back and to the left, there is potatoes, there is a salad, there is chicken, and there are vegetables that are clearly just like, you know, kind of grilled type vegetables or whatever. Yeah. That's it. There's no stew. They're not, they're just, what do you eat stew?

Do you eat stew on just a plate? Like just a horse stew on a plate? They are just using normal, flat plates. There is no way. I am ready to handle all challenges here. Well, let me hit you with this, Thomas. Maybe he just thinks all food is stew and no one really knows how to correct him. Maybe that's his nickname for his wife is stew or something. And also like while he's doing, while he's saying this, we're getting this weird zoom that in any other movie would be like dread, right?

Like it's the kind of zoom that says he has a dark secret that's going to come out any minute now. Where you pan over and there's like a kidnapper in the corner with a shotgun. Oh, you know what scene it is? It's that scene where there are two people having a conversation and it zooms in like to the guy's face where his internal model, like he's not participating. Is that scene like he's stressed about something else or he's about to shoot them?

Correct. You know like in Godfather or something. Exactly. It's so fucking weird. That's the zoom they're doing. And then he's like, this stew is really good. He's divorced from reality. There's a whole different scene actually.

The mom should be like, are you okay? There's no stew. No, you figured it out, Thomas. They're getting funny games. And that's part of his code to the cops. He's like, this stew is so delicious. I've got it up for so much. Don't hold up one of those protest signs.

So then we, then we cut to the next day at school and they're doing the pledge again and David says under God, but this time he does it like, you know, like he doesn't really know the words and he's getting called on it. Right? Mumbling. One nation, indivisible. And they all look at him, right? Like if the first day was a fluke, right?

He's like, one nation, oh, still not doing it. OK. They basically recreate the do the line Bart scene from The Simpsons. Yeah. It's a classroom and they're all turned to look at him for under God. And he does it and they're like, OK, he kind of did it. Do we beat him up? I don't know. So and then OK, so now we're at lunch. Did it do we beat him up? I don't know. Yes

And then okay, so now we're at lunch. Maddie the reporter girl is watching her hero The newscaster from the cold open a local newscaster. Yes Jackson The kind of person you should only see when John Oliver does a roundup of what the local news is For Halloween when they're all dressed in costumes or something. Who watches local news? Who the fuck watches local? Okay.

Well, you know who watches local news is the people who watch every goddamn movie that we ever fucking watch. Right. Because every movie is just all, everybody's watching the local news constantly. Yeah. Have you talked to an old person? They fucking love local news. They've decided that one weather girl's a whore.

It's the best. They're like, Oh, I don't care for her. Short sleeves in January? No. It's plenty warm in that studio. So, so, but as they're, as they're sitting at lunch, David asks everybody else if they've noticed a little something missing in their Pledge of Allegiance. Hey, have you guys noticed something missing from our shave and a haircut that we do?

How much does the shave and the haircut even cost? I don't understand that. And they're like, we don't know what you're talking about. Yes, they are! All in unison. This is a great moment. It's a great, nobody read this script out loud until they were shooting it moment where one of the kids goes, oh God.

And he goes, exactly. Right? Again, but because it's just so badly written, the characters are like, oh God, exactly. No, who's on first? Shit. Right? Because she's supposed to just be saying oh god like OMG because yeah pause for laughter oh my god everyone's really gonna be busting up at

this one good job Craig you wrote such a great movie mommy loves you and I'm sorry we also get one of my favorite this is the introduction of my favorite character in the film. Oh, yes. Lo. So Lo will be part of the reporter student government friend group and she will speak entirely in like Gen Z phrases that your grandma generated at gunpoint. Right? Like they snuck into your grandma's room, they pointed a gun in her head and they were like, what does the 13 year old say?

And she was like, um, hashtag first world problems. And they were like, we'll be back. We'll be back for more lines for Lo. You better have those. What I also love is that all of Lo's lines are entirely unrelated to whatever is going on. Like no matter what everyone else is talking about, Lo will just be like, oh no you didn't.

Exactly, skivvy toilet. But yeah, but so David has a little rising string speech about Jesus and the other kids explain to him, kind of under their breath as though, you know, they're watching. They say, and these are the actual lines. One kid says, yeah, God talk is forbidden. And then they're talking about the principle and they say, quote, he banned a bunch of

God things. Flash cut to Vishnu sadly walking out of the school with a cardboard box with his stuff in it. It's just so silly. It really reads like a Twilight Zone where like this kid was teleported to a world in which part of the Pledge of Allegiance is different. Because he's like, under God. He starts saying under God, one nation, indivisible.

Like he starts saying it to them and they're like, right. What is this? This rings a bell. Star Trek where they go to a planet where this everything's the same except this one line from the pledge. Yeah, everything's an inch to the left. It's so fucking stupid. Yeah.

Okay. So now we cut to we're back in Mr. Truman's class back at Kevin Sorbo's class and they're doing debate practice. And so the debate, I guess, the contention in the debate is that politicians should have to state their policies. That's literally it. Well, Noah, what will we have the bad guy say? Oh my God.

Well, the bad guy take. Yeah. Gordon, the bully takes the anti side on this and he gives this big Machiavellian speech about how wisdom is there or pieces. What are the wisdom of the prince or whatever the fuck. He's just the whole goddamn thing is just like, but once politicians are in power, they should do all they can to maintain their power and tell the rubes whatever they must tell them, you know?

It's ridiculous, but it's also fascinating because it's an insight into what Christians think debate is, right? Because if they knew what debate is, they would know they were wrong because they'd watch a debate and learn something, right? So it's kind of, it's like if you put a baby in the car and you were like, figure it out, right? That's what this scene is, where it's like.

Is raising your hand during like the opponent's speech, like part of debate. I never participated in debate or like really watched much debate or anything like that So I had to turn to Thomas and I was like this isn't debate, right? Well, the truth about debate club shit is it's really dumb like it's just a bunch of weird rules that you have like you have to try to like Say a bunch of arguments really fast and then they if they forget to address one

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, it's not really useful Yeah, yeah, but the idea that like actual debate is when the other side is talking, you can raise your hand and insist on being calm. Oh damn it. They got us again. They would just do that the whole time. Yes, of course. The format of this debate, if I'm correct, and it will be the format throughout it, is

I talk, then you talk. Then I talk, then you ask me a question, then I talk some more, then I ask me a question then I talk some more then I ask you a question And then the debate is over and as we will learn at the very end of the film spoiler alert We do one last little debate thing And by the way class is over because like they just there's no sense of reality of this film They're just like well is the important things we said done. Okay, everybody I guess leave Was there a winner to the like they might as well kill everybody at the end Is the important things we said done? Okay, everybody I guess leave Like they might as well kill everybody at the end

Do you want to give us any feedback on how the debate went now? Debate or up the scenes down. Okay, we don't exist anymore. No, everybody's dead and citation needed to start All right so but then we get the fucking the most important moment in the entire movie, right? Because Gordon's slam dunk in this debate is moral relativism. You know, how could we even know what is good? What we say is good is good. And so David marches up to the whiteboard where in blank we trust is still written and he writes God in all caps in the blanks. Oh yeah.

Gordon's pissed. Oh, he's livid. His name is Gordon. I can't get over it. Gordon Kingsley. Yeah, Kingsley. Yeah. Him being the villain atheist son of the atheist headmaster of the private school is like a guy in a Jesus costume with thorns on his forehead with fake blood and carrying

a cross being like, you will never talk about God. Yes, yes. Never do. He's wearing a polo shirt. He's a white kid. He's a white wealthy kid wearing a polo shirt and a jacket at a private school. And he's the like never talk about God. He's practically wearing a fucking MAGA cap.

You might as well be dressed like a priest and being like, no one ever should talk about God. He's practically wearing a fucking MAGA cap. You might as well be dressed like a priest and be like, no one ever should talk about God ever in my presence. It's so fucking bewildering. Yeah. So he said, Gordon's like, what are you doing? And David goes, I'm just expressing my freedom of speech. And everybody's like, oh, well, you know, he spells his name in all lowercase letters. So I guess in that case, or whatever, he's free on the land or whatever. But Gordon says, and I quote, You talk about God, you get crucified. Yeah, it's so lame. So stupid.

Oh, just imagine the like the fucking Twinkie that the writer ate right after he fucking wrote that right? He's like I you deserve two Twinkies You get the whole bag. If this ever happened, have a little treat. The literal Supreme Court would go to the school and stop it. Yes! Like they would be, it would be. Yes! Anton and Scalia would just fucking dive in from out of frame and knock that motherfucker over. He would come up through the ground because he's dead. And he'd be like, you can't, this is America. It's so silly.

It's so backwards. How could you think this is reality? Yeah. No, it's fucking insanity. But this is where we get the plot, right? David challenges Gordon to a debate about trusting in God. Whatever the fuck that would mean. Yeah.

Hey Noah, how would that work? What would the debate proposition be? What would you debate? What would it be? Oh, we'll get there. Well, actually we won't, but yeah. So, but the class is very excited. Everyone's like, ooh, big theological debate.

I can't wait. That's, we're all into that. So, okay. So now we're in the lunch room and David and the gang are prepping for the big debate, I can't wait. We're all into that. So, okay, so now we're in the lunchroom and David and the gang are prepping for the big debate, right? Yeah, and they say you don't have much time to develop your argument. Yeah, about the thing that's your whole deal,

like I'm sure he's thought about it. Like, it's not like it was a, like he's made a point to be about God this whole time. The only way he's interacted in that school is to talk about God. Yes, exactly. The only thing he thinks about at all. Right. Yeah. So, David goes, well, you know, prayer was thrown out of school in 1962. And I wrote my notes. It changes

a lot when you add the word coerced there, doesn't it? Like, for example, mandatory. It makes it true. Yeah. And actually the sentence itself is fascinating, right? Because he says, you know, when they threw prayer out of schools in 1962, the Pledge of Allegiance remained. And like, that's fucking crazy to think that is true. But like, how incredibly telling that he views the Pledge of Allegiance as a replacement for prayer.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. It's like that word omission does make a big change Like if you're like running was taken out of school in the 60s And then it's actually like no mandatory running like yeah Everyone run forever until they die or something. It's like that word makes a big difference Absolutely completely change and and the punish

Right You cannot stand. Yes, removed from school. Yes. Or corporal punishment. Sorry about that. Cruel and unusual was the part. Yes. So, oh, there's also this stupid fucking moment. I hate this movie so much and I hate everyone involved in it so fucking much. Yeah. Because they're like, wow, how do you know so much

about this? And David has this moment where he's like, as my mom was becoming a legal immigrant through legal means. The right way through the big beautiful door. Yes, yes. He literally, he asked, this is how bad, this is how clumsily they have to account for their audience's racism. They're like, and what about your dad? And he's like, my dad is dead, but,

but don't worry, he didn't deserve it. He was one of the good ones too. Yeah, he was also, he, he was also a citizen. Yes. Yes. So don't worry. I'm not an anchor, baby. You can still be sympathetic towards me. So, yeah. But at this point, David lets it slip to Maddie that he overheard

the principal talking to Vieira's campaign about him coming to the school. Right. So now we cut to her, look, she runs the school newspaper, giving out the newspaper with this big scoop about the presidential candidate coming to their school. And there was no point where the adult that they have help with the newspaper was like, wait, what is it?

Are you saying the president, the leader in this presidential primary is coming to the school? Like no one would have verified that, she just does it herself? No, no, you just print it yourself and just do whatever you want She goes rogue much like the reporters that the people who watch this movie are also fans I do think that's clear though that she goes rogue because there's a picture of a tree with the story right that they have to talk about

Forever it's 17 times and I don't know why. I still don't. Is it a joke? They think it's a running joke. It is? But what is the joke? So the idea here is that, like, she, yeah, she put her story in at the last minute, but they still had the picture from this story about a tree there. So everybody keeps referring to the tree picture or whatever. And if it was a running joke, they would escalate it in some way.

It's some illusion of a running joke crafted by somebody who saw one once in the wild, but doesn't really know what it looks like. You know, like when they asked medieval painters to make camels or whatever. Oh, I just accidentally saw it on the movie. It's because she did. Okay, that ruins my whole thing. She did sneak the story in and the previous story she subbed it in was tree planting ceremony. Yeah, exactly Okay, my fault. I didn't understand that very

So it's actually pretty great if you think about it Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good my fault So but then the principal shows up well And that's the other way that you know that she went rogue on it is the principal shows up and he's furious that she's that she's Throwing this story out there and basically threatens her like he's going to kick her ass if she does it again. Right. Yeah. Well, because he has no other speed other than I will fucking shoot you. Yeah, right. This entire school. Hey, you

over there chewing gum. I will cut out your tongue. That's what I wanted. I just wanted everything. Right? Like some kids running in the hall and he's like, I'll kill your dad. Yeah, we only got one. We go into the assembly. There's like three kids hanging from the ceiling. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. It's fucking dark. No talking in the library. He reads every line. Yeah. Because he's the white leader of a private school. That's the atheist. We all know that archetype.

Everybody that definitely exists. Also, I'm sure I don't think that the Maddie character is supposed to be Jewish. But the fact that the girl who controls the press in this world is named Stein bothered me by the end of it. You know, I was not super comfortable with that. But then, OK, so but she can't tell her news in the school paper. So then we cut to like, she's given her news. She's like surreptitiously given her paper to Emma Saxon, the real reporter from the John Oliver montage, right?

So, and then we get mom being late to pick David up again and again if we're not going for shitty mom you're like Yeah, my boss keeps being a dick and making me work late There's a lot of easy ways to do this, but no she says and I quote I lost track of time Lost track of I don't I don't get it. I'm genuinely asking. Movie, please tell me. I'm not even doing a bit.

What are you going for here? Yes! Is she just the worst fucking mom ever? I don't want to bag on a single mom. That's a hard job. But if you're two hours late for school and you say I lost track of time, you're a bad mom like that yeah

I'm sorry like you might have it if you have an excuse then hey that's out of your control if you're working a Amazon fucking delivery job and you had to pee in a bottle and you ran into something and then you got a pic okay do that plotline but what what is this it would be so easy to make sense of this yeah but she picks him up late from school and we have to do this and we've seen this in a million movies and this happens constantly when you have bad movies, right? So he, David starts telling her about his problems, but only in the vaguest possible terms. And then she misinterprets him. And every time he tries to put specifics to them, she refuses to let

him finish his sentence now. Yes, which is so funny because he's like, Yeah, I don't like the things they're making me do at school. And she has no follow up. Yes. If Thomas and Lydia Smith were driving their child home from school and one of them said, I don't like the things they're making me do at school, screech, they would enter through one of the walls of the building and be like, Oh, let's just get these bricks out of the way. No, let's just clear this rubble. Oh, look, that's a social studies teacher.

All right, well, let's go have a conversation. We'll drive right into the principal's office and talk from there. Right, right. But she's like, well, whatever they tell you to do, you do it. And we're like, Oh, well, God, Catholic school administrators watching this movie. Oh, yeah. Hello for that young man of scholarships. So okay, so then we check in on Emma. This is so forced and stupid. So now apparently Emma Saxon has a work rival named Chris and he got the big Vieira going to the high school story and she did it. Fuck you movie. I refuse to care.

No. I refuse to care. Yeah. Right. In reality, there's these businesses are down to like two people. Right. There's not a rival news reporter that are gunning for the big stories, the local news bullshit. And station somewhere else.

I mean, like, local news barely exists anymore anyway. You get like a random company that uses AI to do all their stories, basically. And she's going to go cover it herself, damn it. He says, what camera person are you gonna take? And she lists like seven names. Yeah, she said, I'll take Andrew or Bob or Chad or Doug. What? What?

So stupid. And then we cut to my favorite scene in the fucking movie. This is so amazing. Fuck yeah! So much. Because the rival reporter, Chris, is now interviewing none other than I almost best worst cameo

Herschel fucking Walker. Oh, yeah, baby. He's got a big future in politics Herschel Walker Everyone this man is on top of the world And you can I have the freeze frame right now. He is, he is so confident that Herschel Walker, he, look, we don't get much in this world anymore, but we can at least enjoy this everyone. We can at least gloat over the fucking weirdest, worst fucking Republican candidate in a long time. Thinking in this moment in 2020, he's got a big future.

No, you fucking don't. I'm legitimately becoming anxious that by the time this podcast comes out on Tuesday, Herschel Walker will be a Supreme Court justice. That's my last straw. Now here's my issue as a comedian, as a man, as a husband, as a father. Here's the thing. Everything Herschel says in this scene is a mildly problematic bit I would do about his answer. But like in 2016, like I would do that bit in 2016.

I don't know that I would do those bits today. So I don't know how to talk about them without someone being like, I don't know Eli should do that voice. I'm not doing a voice. That's what Herschel Walk. Nope. Oh my God. Well, and they have to be so banal here. So they're like, so you advocate for physical fitness. He's like, yes, I am pro fitness and the, and the Senator. And he's like, so do you work out with the presidential candidate? And I'm like, what a stupid fucking question. But that's all. What are you? What else you can talk to her so fucking Walker about and he misses

He does he misses in the fictional movie right cuz what he misses that in real life It's cuz no he doesn't work out But he could say yeah, we work out every morning together and then it flash cuts to them doing sit-ups instead He's like he ready to go up up and away said the doggy woof woof woof. You're right you shouldn't do that. Meow. That's what he says. This is the problem of No Illusion. I'm not exaggerating for comedy. I can play the real audio just to cover you. Thank you. Yes please. The problem is okay. You give 100 Americans my audio and then most of all girls' audio. I've been trying to make this movie make sense,

which is a stupid idea, which is a very stupid idea. But based on the debate later and who the candidate is, who's clearly a Kamala Harris knockoff, even though it's 2020, so maybe not, I don't know. No, it probably is. So I'm thinking maybe this is the Democratic primary. Maybe that's what it is. That's why one candidate won't talk about God

and the other has plans and is really sharp and is obviously the better candidate. Maybe it's the Democratic primary. But now Herschel Walker's campaigning for Viera and says he shares his values. So are you telling me that in the Republican primary in the United States of our Lord in 2020, that you can't say God in the Republican primary are we really to believe that? Well, so the thing is, is that we have to we have to acknowledge that this movie goes beyond the persecution fetish thing that we that we are familiar with here on God of movies all the way to just straight up propaganda, right?

Because like what this movie is attempting to do is to convince people that this is the world that they live in, that there are places, there are schools that won't let you say under God, and that there are, like, that presidential candidates aren't really allowed to talk about their faith. And that Republican presidential candidates are being kept from saying God.

Right, are not. Yeah, well, keep in mind mind too that like being open about God is very often just a shorthand for being homophobic Right so like oh in a lot of ways This is sort of a stand-in for like speaking for you from your faith is Calling those those gay people by the f slslurs they deserve and shit, right? That actually makes that make a little more sense. So really, if I sub in like saying, God, it should be like, our politicians these days

don't just come out and say, God hates f-slurs. Yes, exactly. Okay, that's what I'm supposed to read it to be. That makes more sense. Thank you. I think so, yeah. Oh, for sure. But the part where they have a black woman in the presidency? Never mind. Yeah, right. Oh, God. I love it. Yeah. Oh, for sure. But the part where they have a black woman in the president's nevermind.

Yeah. I love it so much. So, OK, so then we cut to the era and his team pregame in the big high school visit. His his aides are reminding him to watch out for all the wokeness. Right. Yeah. And I love it because we have the same three quote unquote secret service guards with them all the time. Yeah. What I love about that so much is they're doing the trope that they all wear the sunglasses,

but it's clearly just that they're like, hey, do you have a pair of sunglasses? Yeah. Wear it. And so they're all wearing like different out of style sunglasses. That always got me thinking. Do they just think that secret service agents like hey eye protection is key. This son does long term.

You know like it's a weird trope that they're always wearing sunglasses indoors. There's a lot of studies on blue light and the damage it can do to your sleep. Take that seriously. Even when it like they're indoors and it's low light. Yeah. Yeah. They come out of a dark room at one scene, all dressed up like that would make you worse at security. You would know why Trump almost got killed.

But so close. Ah, shit. Someone stabbed him in the dark again. God damn it. So, okay. Then we cut to principal fucking Brit thunder or whatever. He's telling the student body. It's so crazy.

Right. Like he's standing up there like well have armed guards behind him pointing their guns at the kids. Realism that the movie ever represented because I don't know about your guys school assemblies, but all of my school assemblies came out with the vice principal being like, if you talk while these 20 something improvisers try to convince you not to smoke, I'll fucking stab you in the throat. I promise you, I don't care what your mom and dad say, I will get to you. I will gut you like a fish. If

you fart too loud, while these 37 year old puppeteers are trying to teach you what to do if you get dittled, I will hat you. All right, let's give it up for the Bigger Two players, everybody. Yeah, so, but he gives this banal speech or whatever. And then in the middle of the speech, so we get David is getting texts from Maddie, right? And Maddie's like, now would be the great time to ask your question. And we're like, what question?

What are you talking about? Yeah. Nothing was set up. There's no, Nope. At all. So in the middle of the speech, David raises his hand and the candidate's like,

yeah, why not? Right? So he calls on him. Yeah, sure. Cause look, nothing politicians are willing to do more than take a random child's question in a room full of people. During a campaign event, yeah.

But he asked him, he's like, do you think that God should have a place in schools and government? And Vieira doesn't know what to do. Politicians are terrified to talk about God. Republican presidential candidates. Oh God, the worst of all. Never talk about God.

First off, how do you spell that? Like what, good, God, good? I think you mean good. I think good deserves to be, yeah. But he can't answer. He humminahumminahumminas, and then the campaign manager goes, no, no, no, that's the end of that speech.

We're done, run, run. I'm coming, I'm coming. He dies between him and the guy question or whatever. He's taking a bullet. Yeah And to be clear right like this is supposed to be like a oh the candidate really messed up and like David's so brave But like to be clear there weren't supposed to be questions or interruptions It is rude to do that when a person at Joe Kennedy comes to visit your school. Right? And only the kind of person who would use their child as a talking point puppet for

their insane religious beliefs would think otherwise, AKA the target of this movie. Also, think about what a fucking banal jackass you have to be in your own fucking mind. Your dream, your fantasy that you write into your fucking movie is that you have to be in your own fucking mind, that your dream, your fantasy, that you write it to your fucking movie is that you have one chance to actually pin a presidential candidate down on an issue that they're slippery about. And the question that you ask is,

do you think God is swell or what? Who's your favorite? How much God should there be in your God school? It's so fucking dumb. So, okay, so after the assembly, the campaign manager is furious with the principal over David's God question. How dare he? You said they were good kids.

Yes. He's like, you saw me threaten them with AK-47s? You saw that? You could kill that kid right now. There were three dead kids hanging behind me like I did all I could. So what? Yeah, I agree. You did do all you could. Right. But KSORBS, KSORBS is so proud of him.

Yeah, he snatches him out. And he's like, he snatches him out of the crowd. He's like, David, I'm so proud of you for interrupting the assembly to ask your stupid God question. And then sure enough, Senator Vieira walks by and he's like, Hey, I'm sorry I didn't answer your question, but you are right that there should be, I mean, obviously our God prank, it's gotta be specific. Our God should be in schools.

And I'm sorry I didn't say that because it's Jews. The Jews fucking make me up. I just fucking Jews, you know David? Fucking Jews, sorry. Well vote for me. And this is one of those stupid things, Jordan Black that we had on last week talked about this. And it's just one of those stupid fucking things

where they want to simultaneously believe that they're persecuted and nobody will let them say what they want to say, but also that everyone agrees with everyone agrees with. Yeah. I love it. It's so stupid. So fucking stupid. So yeah. So then we cut to Emma. It's later that night. She's very disappointed with not getting any hard hitting footage of the assembly at that school. But then Maddie anonymously messages her video of David asking his question at the assembly. Right. As well as some tasteful nudes.

Yeah. Well, that, well, she's this whole time they're playing it like when she gets a message, they're playing it like it's deep throat, like, like it's a source that's like this really secret thing. She plays her cards right? Yeah. And they play it... There is one scene, I can't remember if it was later or whatever, but she gets the text

from her secret source that's... By the way, it's information about a fucking high school. And she has a look like, hey, act this as though the best looking man of your dreams just messaged you like, hey, date night or something. Yeah. It is spotlight levels of like, got them. Yeah. She's so turned on.

Yeah. They spend a minute on her reaction like, oh, who is this texting me about the high school kid? Who do you think it is? Like- Well, right, it's video that's shot from within the crowd of high school kids. Where the kids were sitting.

Yes, exactly. Like- Yeah. It's probably a kid. It must be Tom Cruise. I don't know. It must be Glenn Powell. There we go.

I thought of a name that people might know. Pelican brief. He's fuckable. Okay, but so, but now that hits the news and there's chaos and disarray at the Vier office. They found out that he loves Jesus or what? I don't like, you know, he doesn't love Jesus. He's neutral. I did. Yeah, that's the thing.

They can't believe that he's going to talk about it. And they're like, what? You're supposed to be quiet about it. Yeah, right. So yeah, yeah. So the campaign managers are like, I can't believe that you said something positive about Jesus. American voters hate that. And his wife eventually kicks them out of the room.

Right. And she has to like remind him of who he really is deep down. Yep. Because literally everyone agrees with you. Literally everyone in this movie already agrees with this except for the one bad guy you set up. Except for the principal and his son. And his son.

The most concerning line is she ends the scene, listen to your heart for once. Yeah, she says for once! From the wife. For once. I wanted so badly for the scene to continue and for him to be like, hey, sorry, what? For once.

For once. Because she's like, I know you've been fucking every single campaign staff you have, because that's how it comes across. Listen to your heart for once? Like, how many affairs has he had? Like what are we talking about? We get zero closure because not only does the camera have to fade out, it also has to like slide.

Blur? Like... It does a blur out. What is happening? And falls. It loses consciousness. Right, right. So okay.

So this is the thing. In any other movie... That's why I said to Lydia, I was like, oh, I think the camera actually passed out like for board games The only time any other movie would do anything remotely like this is if the we're looking through the eyes of a character Who's passing out or if we're about to find out that that wasn't reality at all He wakes up from a dream and he turns to her and he's like, I had a dream that you said follow your heart for once. And she's like, ooh, why would I say that?

And he's like, I don't know. The affairs I was having, I guess. Or if it was a PG-13 movie and they're about to do like a sex scene. And it's like, oh, yeah. So we start blurring at the skin and then the camera goes elsewhere. And that's it.

They're throwing all the stuff off the desk and just raw dogging. So then, okay, so then we cut to the principal and he's on the war path, right? He's still furious about the interruption. And so he storms into Truman's class and on the whiteboard, it still has that like in blank, but now it's in God we trust. So the principal comes in and he's like, who wrote that? And Sorbo goes, you know who? The one God kid in the school, right? The only one who says God, yeah.

This school's got like three named characters. Come on, you know, it wasn't Jonathan, it's too high up. He's in a wheelchair. So this is where Sorbo tells him, oh, we're actually going to have a debate about God in some vague way. And the principal's like, no, you're not. And he's like, it was your son's idea. The principal says, you're lying. What a weird way to sound like, I don't think he is, man. How weird to think he could get away with that lie. Like, when someone tells, yeah, the person, the only other person we've seen you talk to said it. We know that you're going to be able to verify that.

So you really think he's lying? Right. And then he says, end this debate or I'll have your replacement. It's like the reality of trying to get any teacher to do a, any overworked poor fucking teacher to do an afterschool club. Like, Hey, can anyone please do debate club? Fuck. All right. I guess I'll do the debate club even though I'm paid too little and I have no time. I have to provide all the supplies myself. He's like, no, we've got, you know how many people we've got dying to do this job?

To take on the after school debate club. The camera man up at the fucking news shop, they need extra work. They're passing out. I said the news shop. I'm so bad at words. Right? Ah, the news shop. To be fair, Noah, when you were growing up it was a news show.

It was. It was a shop. Boss Tweed would send you down with a hay penny. So okay, so then we we cut to Jonathan. Give me all the headlines! Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. What do you eat? And a marijuana cigarette! They still had...

I'm Noah and I'm 39 years old. I still have the cocaine and coke back then. Yeah. So we cut to Jonathan and his Jonathan and his dad are now dropping David off after school because apparently his mom forgot about him again. And honestly, I wouldn't even mention it because the scene never comes back and never matters, but it's so bizarre. We can't leave it out. They go in, the son and the kids dad, the wheelchair kids dad. So keep in mind, I'm so sorry to butt in, but keep in mind that another parent is taking a kid home because he's been left at school.

Yes. Right? Am I getting this right? Yeah. That's correct. That's like call the police. That's like a, what are you talking about? And they get home, go ahead, yeah sorry. Yeah, yeah. So they get home, go ahead, yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, so they get home and the car's not there and the door's open and the guy's like,

do you want me to walk into the? So there's been a murder. Yeah, exactly. There has been a murder. She's been kidnapped or, yeah, exactly. Like something is wrong. Something is wrong with his mom. And my mind is racing, cause I'm like,

I actually love this because they've set something up so stupid that I'm like, what is the plot here? Did the principal kidnap the mom? Does the principal have the mom tied up somewhere? If there was just blood peered on the wall and it was like, in God we trust with God crossed out and it was like, I made a promise. Now watch that movie. That makes so much, like the subtle cues that they've done because they're so bad at this that makes so much more sense

Yeah, what I love about bad film making yeah, right So so he goes into the house with the kid and we also should probably point out that like both the house and The kid have phones Right like we have established We could say that like David his family's bored He doesn't have a phone, but we saw him getting texts earlier from the other kids. Well, and he's talked to his mom on the phone.

His mom called him the first time. He wasn't going to be late. Oh, that's right. Yeah. We've seen him on his phone several times. And so we didn't tell the parents, yeah, my mom didn't even call me. I haven't been able to get ahold of her. I think there's been a murder. We should call 911 before we go into this murder scene. Yeah, before we walk in, maybe they're still there. Right. But instead we go in and she's crying over the bills because, you know, she's a Christian

mom and a Christian movie. She's reading her mail and crying when her kid has been left at school for hours. Yes. Sorry, I was just reading this bill over and over. I was staring at it. He's just so sad. Well, she explains. So apparently the car is broken down and it didn't occur to her to call him and tell him that the car was broken down.

Right. Well, she was weeping. She was weeping over the bills. That's right. So but as she's leaving or as the dad, the other kid's dad is leaving, she goes like, you know, oh, there's no way to get you back and forth to school. And the guy's like, oh, oh, I'll, I'll take him back and forth to school. And she's like, oh, you weren't doing that great of a job to begin with.

Yeah, right. Even with the car. You didn't exactly nail on that. I expected her to really lean into that. And she's like, oh, you know, and there's nobody here to buy a jacuzzi for the backyard. And he's a lunch card. Sir, is lunch card, he's so amped. Oh! It's actually funny because she says thank you, but she's in the middle of doing her big Oscar breakdown speech.

So she's like, baby, we have nothing. And he's like, I can actually drive him to school. And she's like, okay. I was kind of on a roll. But yeah, thank you. Now, I kind of have to work back up. Can I be more sad again or are you going to help with anything else? Yeah, right, right. So then we cut over to the principal with his son.

So like they've let... Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry though. I do have to come. I can't let this go. This is the breakdown scene, as you say. And it goes on and on and on. They just say, hey, just cry hysterically and have water come out of your nose. Oh yeah. That's how you know it's like serious, right? Is because that she has her nose running. But they have no sense of human earth things. So it goes forever.

Like it just shows her just like crying. It looks like they strung the three takes together. Yes. That's how long it is. It's like they did a normal take of this scene and then they were like, all three of them were so good. We're just keeping it. We're keeping all of it. She's the worst parent, but like are they trying to make her the worst parent ever, do you think? Or are they that clueless? Because she does the worst, look, and it's even more compelling if she's trying to like be, you know, brave for her kid or she's not telling her kid,

that's more compelling. Oh no, it's okay, just someone I know died and it was, you know, I'm just tearful because of that and, you know, I couldn't make it, like, but no, she's just like, look me in the eyes, son, we're not gonna be okay. Yeah We can't pay for this Right now look me in that no no there's no way for us to get through this stop trying to think of what we're dead

It's over. It's over like yeah, she couldn't emphasize more to this It is the last time and I will point out it is literally the last time we hear from her in the film. Her final message of the movie is, it's all gone. So then we cut to the era with his Bible. Apparently his love of God has been rekindled and he's like stayed up all night studying his Bible. It's the night before the last primary debate in his presidential campaign, and he's just pulled an all nighter reading that Bible because he loves it so

much. Right? I wanted so badly for it to flash cut to the final debate. And they're just like, so what is your economic plan? And he's like, here's the thing. If they get up within 24 hours, then you're good. It's so good. Yeah. you're good. It's what? Yeah, right. You're okay. It's fine.

Yeah, the campaign manager's like, you're going to do terrible at the debate. He goes, I don't need sleep. I am awake for the first time in a long time. And if you've read the Bible, which we all have, except Lydia, the idea that there's something in there so compelling that it's marked, he's like, God, it's been too long since I read this. Like it's the last book of Harry Potter you were waiting for at the bookshop or something,

and you stayed up all night reading. Like there's, wow, get a load of, have you read? It's so silly. There's nothing in it at all that would prompt that reaction. And the campaign manager basically says to him at this point, he's like, you need to decide what's more important winning this election or

loving Jesus Christ our Lord Okay, so now it's time for my favorite scene of the entire fucking movie this is David praying to God Out loud Yeah, he's like, God, I don't know that I could do this. And then the bully steps out of the toilet next to him. And he's like, you sure can't. And then, and then, Kevin Stormo steps out from a third stall and is like, hey guys, I was also shitting. And then, Kevin Storbo steps out from a third stall, and is like, hey guys, I was all so shitty.

No one washes their hands. No one washes their hands, yeah. It's so funny. The boy screamed with laughter. The bully doesn't wash his hands and then puts his hands on David. He buys a little bit doing a bit. Oh, god. Rips his cross necklace. You don't have to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, everybody. You're a little bit. All over. Oh, God. Yeah.

Rips his cross necklace. You don't have to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, everybody. You're not doing surgery. It's fine. So right before Sorbo pops out too, he goes, Gordon, the bully says, and I quote, you and your ignorant faith are going down in that debate. So good. And then David tries to, it's not your fault, him or whatever.

He's like, who hurt you, Gordon? That's what that's what Truman comes and save him. All right. Well, it looks like the all powerful, almighty, infinite, all knowing sovereign ruler of the universe could use a little help. So we're going to take another break there. But first, let me give Act three the hard sell. What exactly are they debating? Surely they'll clarify that to some meaningful degree

before the debate scene, won't they? Otherwise, what the fuck would this movie even be about? Find out the answers to only one of those questions when we return for the frantically-scrawled conclusion of One Nation Under God. Okay, but you're gonna get caught. That's what I keep telling her. Car accidents happen all the time. under God. Okay, but you're going to get caught. That's what I keep telling her.

Car accidents happen all the time. You guys are being ridiculous. Hey guys, what's the hubbub? Well, Lydia keeps hitting people with her car on purpose. Bump. I bump them. Yeah, but still with your car though, hon. It just looks so funny.

Yeah, Lydia, that doesn't sound like a great habit. You might want to, you know, look into not doing that in the new year. 2025, my new year is all wrapped up thanks to Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile is dropping huge savings for the new year by offering any three month plan for only 15 bucks a month, even their unlimited plan. Unlimited, you say? That's right.

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See Mint mobile for details all right lydia thanks so you guys ready to finish the record i sure am but let's hurry the crossing guards go home around 4 30 you're you're hitting crossing guards no but they're snitches got it i don't know how to tell you but the car is gone we have no money i don't know how to tell you but the car is gone. We have no money. I don't know what to do. Oh mom, we'll figure something out. Sorry couldn't help but over here. If you'd like me to bring David to school I'd be happy to. Oh thank you.

You are so kind. Really it's nothing. Now, let's get you something to eat David. Lord knows I have not been able to do a food shopping, but... Sorry. Chase, Mr. Wilson? It's just we already ordered pizza and there's always too much for me and Josh anyway.

Why don't you join us? Oh, too kind, Mr. Wilson, too kind! Wow, Mom, I haven't seen anybody help out this much since Dad died. You know, I could be. You're new. Too far? Okay.

Okay. I just pizza still pizza though. Do you still pizza? No. Okay. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to open on the fucking first of Act threes debates. There will be two, right?

This is the final presidential primary debate between Vera and an evil black lady. More debates in this movie than there were between Kamala and Trump. Oh, there were. Well, they don't show it, but he quits the other debates and says that it's not fair. And he goes on Joe Rogan instead. What I love is that even in their own movie, they lose the debate. Absolutely. Absolutely. What I love is the time dilation thing.

This is a four minute debate, right? But the question, the single question in this debate is how do we fix the American dream? And we cut to, we cut like, I guess the, the Palabra has already answered that question, right? So now it's time for Vieira to do it. She might as well just be like, blah, blah, blah, black lady words. All right, his turn. Yep. So, but then she's, he's going, he goes like, well, you know, what is the American dream? I'm like, yeah, right. It's a meaningless fucking question. And then he starts talking about how the real problem is all these broken homes and all the divorce.

Yeah. And we're like, oh, really? Okay. And then he's like, and we need to do something about poverty. I'm like, oh, so he's a Democrat now or he's not. And, and he's, and then I realized that no, he's blaming lack of family cohesion for the poverty. Yeah.

That's the root. Yeah, exactly. So it's okay. He's a Republican. Yeah. And the other candidate in this Republican primary thinks that's all bullshit and really you need plans and science. Like what? Okay. Yeah. Well, so yeah, the opponent attacks his daughter, right? He's like, oh, look, here's a picture of your daughter being terrible. Oh, oh wait, no, his daughter is doing what? Was she protesting something that we set up?

Was she saying something? No, we set it up. No, no, no. Drinking. Yeah, she was caught drinking. They just flash a picture. We don't see what it is. We couldn't even like see what it was. What was that? Oh, it was a cup, like a solo cup. I went back, she's holding a cup. Yeah, but you have to stop and examine it. Oh yeah, yeah, no. Everyone knows what that is. I guess they will have seen all the news stories about the kid's daughter having a cup. We get a longer shot of Brad Pitt's dick in Fight Club

than we get of his daughter holding a cup in this movie. So this movie plays in a lot of ways. Like the first cut was three hours and 15 minutes long, and they had to just, oh, they had to cut out the entire mom plot line and they had to cut out the daughter plot line or whatever. But it's just really poorly written. But yeah, and then, and then when she's done attacking, because you know how in American politics, they love it when you attack people's families, then she starts attacking his religion. And calls him Pastor Weston. Yeah, right, right. You're so Christian.

Which is such a great attack for a Republican politician. Yeah, right, right. You're so Christian. Which is such a great attack for a Republican politician. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. And so, but now this is where like, Vieira's going off script and the campaign managers are going nervous. So he's like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I wasn't more Jesusy the whole time. And then the crowd goes wild. Why? Also, are they hosting this debate? They're hosting it at the high school. Clearly, yes. For some reason.

It's the only venue in the entire town. The only venue. Well, they keep shooting the exterior shot of a castle? Yeah, a castle. Yep. Is that the private school? Oh, that's the private atheist school. I had no fucking idea.

You know how the private atheist schools look like that? There are always castles, yeah. Yeah Yeah, but Palabra here at this way she might as well just be going stupid Christian says what her actual question It just imagine this in American politics. She says how do you plan on a point? He's talking about the Bible and all the wisdom of the Bible She says how do you plan on applying ancient Hebrew texts in a democracy in the 21st century? Forget Republican primary. You couldn't say that in a Democratic primary. No, absolutely not. No. It's unbelievable. It's so fucking silly. Yeah. And well, and Biera's like, you know, well, if everybody

was Christian, they would all be a little bit better than they are and everything would work out. And I'm like, you're that's literally utopianism, man. You're defining utopianism. You fucking idiot. The the actress playing the other candidate is like, this is what they're doing with the movie. Do I win then? Like, I guess I win.

I didn't know that. I thought I lost. Yeah. He goes like, basically, he goes like, imagine how much better the country would be if everyone shared my religion and of debate Jesus Gordon the bully turns to David because of course all the kids are at the debate, right? Yeah, that makes sense Yeah, of course. Well, they would let all the kids be there. It's their school after all He goes you just cost fear of the presidency And David is sure bummed about that.

He says the esteemed alum. Yeah. That's how kids talk. You just cost our esteemed alum the presidency. Oh yeah. So like, let's, we should probably point that out at least. They're having this debate at this school, which is this, the high school where one of the two candidates graduated

and not the other? What? Well, is it like a home and away thing? Where like next debate is at the end. Oh right, they had one at her high school. She got to call the coin. She decided which side of the stage she would defend. Then we, after the debate, we get,

I guess this might be my favorite scene the whole thing, is the line of reporters. Oh, god. So ridiculous. So they go, cut to outside, which is a trope that I think it works sometimes, where it's just like, oh, you hear a little bit of the reporter, but normal filmmakers that are at all competent know, you just kind of catch a line here or there off to the side.

This movie has not one, not two, not three, not four, probably seven reporters. Yeah. And they each say a line and then... It's a question roll-off. And then it goes... Yes! And it goes to the next reporter and they like answer whatever they said.

They say the next line. It's so bad. They damn near just finish each other's sentences. It's so stupid. Each one of them says the next sentence in a logical... One by one. It's amazing. And then at the very end of it, after this big line of reporters, we get David and Jonathan, and they're all talking to David's like, I'm sure sad about ruining Vieira's election. And Vieira comes out and he says, Hey, I'm actually really proud of you.

And David's like, didn't we already do this scene? I could have sworn we did this scene before the play, right? At the school. And he's like, yeah, we did. Weird. Well, and he's sad that he ruined his campaign because the whole audience loved it a lot and everyone loves it and everyone agrees with him all the time. Yeah, again.

Yeah. So, yeah. So okay. So then we get like it's later on David is waking up and he's just buried in books about the American Revolution because he studied so hard from the debate and you know how sometimes when you're studying really hard, you're reading several books at the same time until you physically collapse beneath the weight of the film. Yeah. He also will never mention the American Revolution.

No, he sure won't. He sure the fuck won't. So okay, so it's debate day today and we cut to the local news and one of the reporters has to cover the God debate at the local high school. Yeah. Yeah, because of how robust. Well, they're just teaming with staff there. Yeah. Well, they got to do something with all of those cameramen.

Yeah. So, but Emma, who has been tipped off that the presidential candidate might show up, she says, oh, I'll take that assignment that nobody wants. Mm hmm. So all right. So then we get David, he's showing up to the school for the debate and it's packed. Just the entire city has come out to hear him defend God. Jonathan's trying to give him a pep talk. He's like, Hey man, the facts are what win debates. And I'm like, I bet we make an exception for this movie though. Huh?

Yep. Where in real life there would be one parent at the debate. Right. And like. And it wouldn parent at the debate. Right. And like... And it wouldn't be David's, yeah. If a teacher said you get extra credit if you go, then like three kids from a class would be there. Three kids failing would be asleep in the front row.

Yeah. Also, look, we're going to talk about the food in a second because it is Thomas's best work. But because it's going to matter. Don't worry. It's going to matter in the plot of the movie. But David is just eating a sandwich during the prep to this scene and I was like why is he eating a sandwich? It does eventually but we watch eight minutes of the movie where he's just like

Sure, I'm nervous and I'm like, what are you me before a fucking live show? Stuffing checks mix into my mouth. Prove you guys are tired of talking about the power. So, but Maddie, she's reporting on the whole thing and she comes up and she kisses him on the cheek at this point, which again, as Eli pointed out, like he has not shown any romantic interest in her whatsoever.

And it's because he's a bad actor. Yeah. And they're supposed to be high schoolers, right? Like those are presexual teens. It's not, again, if they were eight, I get it. It's a very cute thing for eight year olds to do, but she's like, and he's like, oh, salt. Okay. I love my sandwich. So as someone who's known Heath for a while, it made a lot of sense. Yeah, right. And then he says, even though he's shown absolutely no interest in her and his face says he doesn't

understand like human interaction at all and he has no sexual interest in her whatsoever, then he says, it had to be tuna fish. Right. And we see the fucking sandwich. We do see the sandwich. And it might as well be a stew. Honestly, it might as well be a stew. It might as well be a steaming bowl of stew right there.

Because the sandwich is clearly fucking like turkey or something. Like it's a cold cut and lettuce. That's what you see in it. Now, Thomas, I hate to disagree with you, but I have an alternate take on this line that I want to pitch you. I think he's into dudes and he like hates that a girl likes it. It had to be tuna fish. It makes more sense. It does actually. It's not fucking tuna fish. So, okay. So, but then the principal comes up and he's got to shoo all the other kids away so he can have a one on one with David.

It's awful because he tells the wheelchair kid to take his seat during this. He tells them to take his seat! He tells them to take his seat! It seems a bit insensitive. To go find your seat! I think he's found it, man. He found the seat. It was so good!

So this is where the principal offers to buy his sandwich for $2,000. Right. He's trying to convince him to throw the bait. We have already established there's an $8,000 scholarship on the line. So $2,000 to throw a debate worth eight grand is not a very good offer. What? So effort, not a great offer. What if you were one of the other kids in the debate club and you're like wait, sorry

What they just did volunteer to do a debate that wasn't like in the schedule and there's an eight thousand dollars Yeah ship and that kid right to do it. What huh? Also, how do you throw a debate if the guy goes? Here's my points and you go. Wow that guy fucking nailed it It's not a boxing match. He can't lie down. That would have been great if he just lies down, right? Holds on to Logan Paul for a couple of rounds. Yeah, right.

That's a win on points. But he explains that, the principal explains that if he wins this debate, he'll never graduate from the fancy school and he'll make sure that both him and his mother never succeeded anything ever as long as they live and he'll strangle a puppy and piss on its grave. So insane. Okay. And I know it's just because David can't act, but David's reaction does genuinely seem to be, I mean, that guy gave me a really good price for my sandwich and then he's super

mean about it. I don't know what's going on with him today. Like I genuinely believed that David the character did not understand that was a prime. It was like, expensive sandwich. He almost accidentally acts correctly. Like, cause this would be so bewildering for a kid. You'd be like, what?

What are you talking about? Right, right. Also, the killer line that his authority reaches to the sky as he's standing up, he's standing up as to demonstrate the sky. He's high. Remains the height of his chair. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If you even try to win this, I'm sorry. So dumb. So meanwhile, okay. In the creepiest side story of this entire fucking movie. So Maddie has been the deep throat throughout this movie for Emma Saxon, the local reporter extraordinaire. In so many ways.

Yeah. Right. But now, but they've decided to meet at the sky bridge of the school during the debate. So now we cut to the sky bridge at that meeting. Right. And we have, like, we have to establish that Maddie thought her contact was a grown man. Right. She walks up to the grown man. Why would you think? Why? Why would you think your contact about the high school stuff and you're like, oh, who's it going to be?

What dark and handsome... It's actually more disturbing if you think it's like a grown man. Yeah, that's true. Like reporting in high school. Like the only acceptable thing would be if the reporter had the police ready to arrest whoever this is. Yeah, exactly. Arrest that man.

He's now texting me private stuff about what kids are doing. It's fucking weird, man. It's weird. Right. So, but we also, we learned as they're chatting that the Senator, that Senator Viera is tanking in the polls because of all of this Jesus love. It's not looking good for him.

But this is also where he shows up for the debate, right? They're standing in the sky bridge so they can see him showing up. And Maddie's like, suddenly she's like, wait, where's my phone? Now throughout this entire movie, she's been carrying around her phone with a little USB or not USB, but a little microphone attachment sticking out of it. You know, the top, which is weird.

Yeah. Right. But she's interviewing everybody with her phone throughout and now it's missing wherever could it be? Yeah. Right after the principal made a big threat. Big monologue threat. So now it's time for Act Three's second debate.

Great writing here. Fuck yeah, let's do this. So Kevin Sorbo is introducing it and at this point he says the proposition is and we're all like, yes, what the fuck is the proposition? We're dying to know what the goddamn proposition is. He says the proposition is in God we trust. What?

That's so meaningless. It cannot be debated. You cannot be for or against that proposition. There's a, in fighting, like if something weird happens, sometimes there's a no contest result. Like you can have like a win or a loss. You should be like, oh, okay. I guess no contest. We can't have it.

It is not a debatable proposition. Well, damn, everybody got out here for nothing. Yeah, but he elaborates in case that doesn't make any sense. Kevin Sorbo elaborates, he says, does God belong in our schools? Are we still one nation under God? And I'm like, well, at least those are questions,

but still those are not debatable propositions. Nothing is defined. Yeah, but I'm ready for the kid to be like, oh, I was reading about the fucking founding and shit. Those have nothing to do with that. We maybe should have agreed on this. I'm not prepared for this. What does it mean to be one nation under God?

1492. Yeah, God, Jesus, it's so fucking stupid. And then, like, we spend a bunch of time with Kevin Sorbo laying out the rules that they will not follow from that point on. It's so funny. Each side gets this much time. Yeah. He's like, each side will... Actually, they're just going to kind of talk back and forth.

David mostly. And then after the debate ends, I'm going to give them another time to talk that doesn't count. Yeah. But I'm still going to do it like it's the debate. We call that the shower fight section of the debate. Get in those last points. So okay, so David opens, he also gets to close, which is a night, that's a nifty trick that he gets.

But he opens by saying that he believes God should be recognized in schools again. Okay. What does that mean? Like if he walked through people should be able to say, hey guys, that's... Well, no, you see it answers the proposition, in God we trust. Oh! I guess.

In the affirmative, I guess? I think. Yeah. He says the Bill of Rights gives us the right to do so. And I'm like to the extent that you have it Right, and then he says and if anybody has any fucking thoughts on what the hell this is all about just shout him out He says quote religion is the foundation on which the sciences are built You know how we figured out that the earth actually is unrolled like a scroll and so

therefore at the end, roll back, um, firmament. It's the foundation in the same way that like, if someone's like, oh, who's that over there? And I'm like, I don't know, Bill Clinton. And then they look and they're like, oh no, it's my friend Todd. They're like, well, but I helped by saying- I started you off by letting you know it's not Bill Clinton. You knowing it was your friend. Todd was only because of my first work that I did.

And also he gives him the argument from many authors and philosophers were Christian. Yeah. He says we can't enjoy literature unless we believe in God, like the authors. And I wrote my notes. So that's why I didn't like American gods. I was always wondering because you know Really dug that one. Well, so but and and The other thing is this that like many authors and philosophers weren't right, right? It's like so if we line it like I think I think like for you know in terms of percentage

I think the Jews win in terms of great philosophers and authors, right? So it's this is getting really abstract. Like it's impressive. We've got an incoherent debate topic Yep over which we're now hearing incoherent arguments. So it's but it's like Okay, who wins? I don't fucking know that can't possibly all be Arguing the same proposition right? Like there's no proposition that all three of his arguments would serve. It's insanity. And then Gordon stands up for his opener, right? And he starts talking about completely different shit. He's talking about the founding. He says that the constitution is secular, which is correct. He says God is unknowable and teaching about him in schools, like schools are schools are about knowing shit and I'm like, yep

And then I guess that's it like he accidentally wins the debate easily, but we're Right. Well Gordon keeps doing that Well, he does make one bad point. That's so indicative of what they thinking. He's like look whatever you think about God He's invisible so look, whatever you think about God, he's invisible. So we shouldn't be talking about it. Yes. So dumb. Well, and so David gets about three minutes for his opening statement. Gordon only gets 38 seconds, right? Because this is a shower fight. So David rebutts. But he is allowed to stand up during his.

Oh, that's right. You're right. You're right. I wanted him to just be off mic. He's like, thank you. Here's what I think about God. One thing you gotta know God doesn't belong here around these parts. I'll tell you that right now. One thing that I learned in my time as school president is if you're gonna go and talk about God in the school district You're gonna have to wake up pretty early in the morning to hear that. And in addition...

And in addition, the debate fucking teacher who's in charge of this whole thing has so obviously been favoring David the whole time. He's like, all right, so first we have the good looking, amazing. Gives him like a massage beforehand. Super smart. Can you guys like behind him, hyping it? He's like Don King, hyping it. He's like Don King back in the day with the boxers.

And we've got this, and then he's like, and then this other fucking shit kid. Yeah, he's a fool. He's gonna say his stupid thing. Fuck. That's what he sounds like. Anyway, fucking moron. So who won?

Yeah. We get David's rebuttal here, it's so good. Fucking moron. So who won? We get David's rebuttal here. It's so good. He starts, he says, and I quote, the US was conceived one nation under God. And I'm like, the fuck it was? What does that even mean? He says that's why Lincoln included the phrase in the Gettysburg Address. I'm like, oh yes, that founding document. That thing that happened, that's how they launched the nation. Oh, is it? They're like, he had like a bottle and he was like breaking it on like a ship, like the nation.

He's like, under God, go forth, nation. And that's what that was about. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So then he tells that he tells the glorious history of the Pledge of Allegiance. We cut to like the audience. Principal Thundercock is just furious because he's doing good, right?

He's not throwing the debate like he's supposed to. And we all know, because we're atheists, we all know that that was added to the fucking pledge in 1952 and it wasn't the founders, it wasn't all that. But I love it because he quotes Eisenhower and he tries to make it like Eisenhower was merely commenting on it in 1952 like you know It's like it goes back forever, but like Eisenhower just has yeah

Yeah, he's like you know the thing we definitely have done forever since the founding it's great But he's talking about when Eisenhower signed the bill to for the very first time So good which completely refutes his argument. Yeah. And I think we can all agree that Eisenhower always made great decisions. Historically, we look back on Dwight D. Eisenhower's choices as cash money and bills. Especially with regards to the Cold War. Yeah. I mean, there's no Asian people in the school.

That's all I'm saying. So then Gordon, like, I guess, unreputs, right? So he said he's like, he actually, now that we're talking about the pledge, he can't help but win the argument again. He points out how shitty it is that we force kids to affirm the existence of a monotheistic God every morning. Right? Yeah, that's true.

It is shitty. It is. Yeah. But then he says that and he's like, and that's why religion shouldn't be allowed in our schools. And I'm like, no, man, that's why we shouldn't say the fucking pledge. That's the wrong thing. But then so, so then David D on rebots and he says, I had to add a lot of them by the end. I got all of them, yeah. But then David argues, he says, this is so fucking dumb, in the absence of belief, we

have nothing. Okay. So, and honestly, I've never heard this argument before, power to this movie for bringing some new shit, but he's like, if you don't allow religion into schools, then you can't even say stuff like, try and you will succeed because that takes faith Right. That's a faith statement. Yeah, I wrote in my notes. Oh, it's the guy who called in when Noah was on Austin Yes And that's why we shouldn't have the Pledge of Allegiance say in try and you will succeed we trust

All right, it's not even the same thing. We're not talking. Nope. It's so dumb. Well, David points out he's like atheism is a religion in so much as believing things is a religion. So when you don't say the word God at all times, you're actually religioning at me every time you don't say God. When the Supreme Court declared that atheism was a religion, that's a new one on me. Yeah, in 2005 they gave it to us. Wisconsin Supreme Court.

Sweet. But then Gordon and Andy on repots and he goes, and I quote, faith is not real. Well this is the part where Gordon has to throw the match, right? Because David's arguments have been so absurd. Let's keep in mind that the floor that David just reached was let there be peace on earth is a prayer. Yes, right. So in order for Gordon to lose,

even according to this audience, he now needs to stand up and say almost exact quote, I will succeed and you suck my ass balls. Right, like yeah, his losing it line line here is people like me will always be successful and people like you will always be led by people like me. Yeah. I just have to point out one other thing about this debate, which I just found so funny. I was weeping with laughter several times to sort of make his point.

David pulls out the check. Yeah got from the principal I was like I can't be bought except him and the principal are the only people So I wanted so badly for one of those times when he did it for someone from the audience just be like what is that But none of us could possibly know what it is. Is that from elsewhere in the movie we're in? So, okay. So then David dis anti-D on rebutts and he goes, he goes, there's one thing my opponent lacks faith. And then the strings start to rise and he starts to tell us about faith.

He says, faith can't be measured or shaken. And I'm like, it can definitely be shaken. That's a whole, there's a phrase for that. He says, we can accomplish anything with our faith. And I'm like, balance a fridge on your chin then. That's, that's my standard command at that point. But he just, and then he just sits a bunch of nonsense words and this but the rising streams assure us that they are profound. Mm hmm.

Yeah, I started to you guys remember that key and peel sketch where he's like, you can literally fly go up to your roofs right now and jump. You can fly. So yeah, but David's he's like, you know, will we allow our faith to be pushed out of every aspect of our lives? Which again, what they're trying to actually do is push their faith into every aspects of our lives, but they can't actually say that because even they would recognize them as the bad guys if they phrase it that way.

So they just, you know, live in opposite fucking world here and imagine that it was always there. But the audience goes crazy. Clearly he has them on his side. Oh yeah, I mean like earlier in the debate, someone even yelled, you're the man, after David was talking. Oh yeah.

Now it's time for the post debate extra pump, right? Because Kevin Sorbo comes out and he's like, all right everybody, debate's over. out and he's like alright everybody debates over We all agree that this good kid beat this shit kid, okay? But Gordon do you have anything else you want to? And they do one another round little mini extra But notably it's while he's already handed it to the jet like he says well while the judges are yes

And then the like at the end of, well, while the judges are... Yes. And then like at the end of his second bonus round, the judges render their decision. I'm like, did that count toward it? Yeah, right. I get clearly it can't because they've already handed him the piece of paper by the time David's done. It's like if after the boxing match, they're like, all right,

while the judges are evaluating, do you want to punch him a few times? Yeah. You want to punch him a few? We're adding the scores up. Yeah. I don't know if it counts. Honestly, I don't know. But do you want it? Okay. I guess. And again, of course they give Gordon 21 seconds and they give David a minute and a half. And this is,

this is the best indicator of how bad the filmmaking here is because David gives another rising strings monologue like like 21 seconds after the last why it's already over the debate is over why are we still talking and it doesn't he doesn't say new shit there and he gets like the audience gives him a second standing ovation and it's like, you can't do that. And like the point he's making now is I guess this debate is without merit, he says, because God is in this school, whether you like it or not.

And I'm like, yes, none of this bullshit matters even in your own worldview. Correct. Yeah. It's so funny. I just want so badly, so badly for the judges. Oh, and I have the judges decision. They wrote, this doesn't make any sense. And how would we decide who won?

There were no rules. There was no question. There were no arguments. That's anti-climactic. Anyway, the kid we all hate lost. The proposition was not a meaningful statement. Yeah, right. It's unanimous.

They just drew a picture of David beating up Gordon. Think that means he won. Yeah, David won. There is a God they discovered at this school. I'm sorry. I wrote in my notes at this point. I know, like, I'm sure a lot of people have thought this before, but I think this is the first time it really occurred to me. Imagine if we, as atheists, made a bunch of movies where we just won arguments against Christians. Right? Like, I don't think there's any cinema that fits into that niche. That is such a fucking pathetic thing that they do. Noah!

No, it's pathetic. Noah, you've just had a billion dollar idea. Because we've always thought, what should we do for God, awful movies, the movie, right? They've always parodied themselves our God awful movies the movie is just God is dead it's just about a plucky young atheist who wins the debate. You guys. Oh my gosh. This is a billion dollar idea. And we can take right wing money for this because Madison Media Fund offers grants this stupid production company behind the Eastman Dilemma, which is a fake movie that we just did. And we can get money from them to do this. Oh, I thought we could. It's a great idea.

TM, TM, TM. The only problem is there is actually that, Noah, and it's called The West Wing, and it's by the worst fucking hack writer to our... There's literally a Voxhall video where this hack fucking writer puts in this present... Oh, because you're replacing Carrie? you have to attack the things we love? Fucking president, whatever his name is like, oh, chapter and verse, huh? We got, fucking stupid. I love the West Wing.

I love this. Such, such good writer. You're allowed to love the West Wing. What? You're allowed to live in a world where we win and we get to say how we feel for once. So now it's, the debate is over and Principal Steel Nuts. Thank God. Yeah, right? He stops his son Gordon to like sensei crease him at the end.

Yep. Like the beginning of World War II. Crikey too. That's exactly what it was. He's like, I no longer love you son. You lost the debate. And he's like, but dad, I love Jesus and I always have. And then he goes to David and David's like, I'll never deny who I am.

And then he pulls out Maddie's phone. Turns out he was recording the principal when he was delivering as ridiculous over the top. I'm going to rape your mother threats. Yeah. Well, you say he was, but no, the phone was just there. So does he know a that it was recording? B, he can unlock it? C, he knows how to play?

Like, why do we fucking bother? I know it because it was unintentional of Maddie. And so does she just have it recording like while she's walking up to him to kiss him on the cheek. Like, I think what we're supposed to believe is that he stole her phone from her while she was kissing him and surreptitiously recorded this, but like pickpocket. Yeah, but I'm with you. I want the version of this where he's like, not so fast principle. He pulls out the phone and he like realizes that Maddie has to unlock it for him. And then they have to figure out where the file was saved. And they have to listen to the through like the 17 minutes of weird audio to find the clip that they want.

It's still been recording this whole time. Right, yeah, exactly. And then I have to go back and rewind through the debate and stuff. Yeah, but now that the whole school has heard that threat, he's on his way out and he yells like he's like, you fucking poor kids. Yeah, he literally says, you have no place in this school or this society. He says you have lottery kids. Lottery kids.

Lottery kids. Unbelievable. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. And then like, and then the presidential candidate comes up to him and he says, I was a lottery kid too. You're going to be all right, kid. And like five of the kids say in unison hail to the chief. Including Lowe, my favorite character.

I talk now. All right. So now the evening news is talking all about the debate voters. It turns out now they've changed their mind because, you know, because David proved that God exists and belongs in our country, in our schools or whatever. So now they love the era's Christianity thing. Yeah. They even like Emma actually says in the news at this point, she says,

people are loving Viera. He's no longer catering to the masses. What? What? I didn't put that into that exact sentence. What? Finally, a candidate that doesn't say what more people like. Yes! Yes, but he is though.

Like he's doing it by espousing the majority belief. They're so close. They're so close to their fundamental bullshit that you've already identified that's in all their movies that they're simultaneously the biggest victims, but everyone agrees with them. They're so close to their fundamental bullshit that you've already identified that's in all their movies that they're simultaneously the biggest victims, but everyone agrees with them. They're so close. It's Schrodinger's fucking Christian. Finally, a candidate that will stand up to everyone who agrees with him that, but it

will also no longer disagree. Oh, fuck. Lost it again. So, and then also, look, I have to point this bit out too. Emma's like, you know, and it all started when this kid, David Gutierrez, asked his question. I'm like, he's a high school kid. You're going to say his full fucking name on the school,

on the fucking news about this controversial student? Yeah, right. What the fuck are you doing? So then, okay, speaking of the weird time space that this fucking movie exists in. I know we have the same note. I'm sure we have the same note. We cut to campaign headquarters where the votes are coming in at three in the afternoon.

Very quickly. Yes. For several different states in no relation to each other. Now Super Tuesday is a clusterfuck, but they're doing it like it's the stock market. Oh, it's up five Well, we're down three over here. Oh, no, we're back up seven. Like what are you fucking talking about? He goes Ohio is climbing there goes, Florida. It's Those are the actual it's like it's a primary guy

Cuts to footage of deep impacts. Yeah of deep impact. So, but then the voiceover cuts in and it's like, and Viera went on to win the nomination and Mr. Truman, Kevin Sorbo took the principal's old job. And the first thing he did, once he did, he put under God back in the pledge. Yeah. And then referred to all the kids as future convicts. When he does the morning announcement. It's like the sneaky thing that I don't know if it was in the script or if he was just

like riffing. But it's like one of those like, oh, you barely hear him say, all right, future convicts. What? Yeah. Okay. So and then of course we close on all the kids pledging allegiance to the flag, which is objectively creepy as all fuck, but with the god in it. Yeah.

I wish they had just done it, but like, I under god to the god, under god which we god. Breathing the bregadda. And for the god, for which we god. One god under nation. Under god. Also David stops looking at the flag while he's doing it, because he has to look straight into that camera. Oh he does.

Hell yeah. Yep. Mugs it. Meryl and us. All right. Well, that does it for the movie. Thomas, Lydia, thank you so much for suffering alongside us this week. And quick, before we let you go, can you let our listeners know who aren't familiar with it a little bit more about Where There's Woke, about the podcast you guys could do together?

Yeah, the podcast that Eli has been on several times. Can't remember the name of, though. What the Woke? Yes. Have you ever heard a story or seen a story about like, hey, professor referenced that black people exist and got fired and murdered by all the woke students. I've seen several of them. That doesn't sound right.

And then when we look into it, it's actually that the professor was openly calling students racial slurs and that's why they got fired. But somehow it went down and all of the media as the other thing, and no one ever corrects the record. Well, that's what we do on our show. We try to correct the record on those bullshit things. And sometimes we have very fun conversations

about how Elon Musk pretended to be good at gaming with one and no illusions. Quite a bit of fun. Or how the woke are coming for DND with Alright well now consider yourself the fuck tease check the link on the show notes if you want to hear more from it Lydia Thomas Thanks again, and well that's gonna do it for our review of one nation under God That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to assure everyone we have not learned from our mistakes So Eli tell us what's on deck Well Noah as you know, friend of the show

Michael Marshall and best friend of the show Cecil Something Italian have started a new podcast about Joe Rogan. Well, sadly, asking them to review one of his stand-up specials is against the Eighth Amendment, so we'll be taking on one of his favorite guests together, and we'll be watching the documentary Alex's War. Oh, God damn it. All right. So we're that to look forward to. We're going to bring episode four ninety to a merciful close once again. A huge thanks to Thomas and Lydia for helping out. Be sure to check the show to hear more from them and perhaps even huger thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to cut yourself among their

ranks, you can make a per episode donation to Patreon dot com slash got off and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the scaling of the citationated D and D minus and the skeptic rat available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email god awful movies and gmail.com Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Salatnik of Evil Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Kurkin was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of life this week.

Here for Heath and right, Neelai Bosnik, I'm an illusionist, promise to work harder to earn another trick next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club close. Emma Saxon continues on the high school beat and tries to pull off a Josie Grossi never been kissed undercover story, but gets caught and sent to jail.

Yeah, where she should be. David's mom doesn't pick him up from the debate and he's not still there to this day and she still sucks and never resolved it at all. False start love interest girl from the beginning eventually learned that her true love interest was herself. Kevin Sorbo wasn't crying in his trailer. He has allergies.

It's not a trailer, Kevin. That's the bathroom and we all need to use it. If I live in the car, then it's technically true. Nailed it on that copy, Liddy. I knew you would. I was going to say, you absolutely crushed that copy. And then immediately afterwards, Eli fucked up his like 11 sentence. He's got one sentence.

And I'm just thinking to myself, wow, she fucking crushed that copy. And then Eli's like, all right, Libby. Yeah, but. Come fucking crushed that copy. And then Eli's like, all right, liberty up. Thanks, guys. Hun, you're on the show's enough now that I can make you do the ad read. Yeah, you can. Oh, yeah. Sweet. You've given me an idea. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm, LLC,

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