God Awful Movies - 491: Alex's War

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

This week, you get two guest masochists for the price of one. Michael Marshall and Cecil Something-Italian from the new "Know Rogan Experience" podcast join us to talk about -- Alex Jones. I know. You expected me to say Joe Rogan. What can I say? We like to keep it unpredictable. --- Check out the Know Rogan Experience podcast here: https://www.knowrogan.com/ --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/ --- Check out more from Cecil on Cognitive Dissonance, Lawful Assembly, and Season Liberally Check out more from Marsh on Skeptics with a K.

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BitMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. He goes, I'm asked on a scale of 1 to 10 who will be the next president. Eight. And I say seven because I'm got a lot to say. Six and a half. It's fucking amazing. Pie. Pie.

Who's the nerd? Get the fuck out of here. Dude got tricked by his own Google form. Oh my God. That was the only option that came up was to scale the one to ten. God awful movies. Welcome back to the GAMCast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because literally fucking myself isn't possible. I'm your host No Illusions and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath Enright.

Heath, welcome back. Alex Jones, let's fucking do it. Let's go. We don't have time to talk about anything else. We're going to get to this whole clonky ass movie. There's a lot of Gishtygalop past here. Alright, Eli of course is off this week, but we're excited to welcome in not one, but two guest masochists in his stead from the brand new No Rogan Experience podcast. KNOW now. Michael Marshall and Cecil Something Italian. Cecil, Marge, welcome to the show. Thanks for having us. Yeah, it's a pleasure to be back. Always a pleasure to be here.

All right. And so before we get to the Alex Joseph, I know Heath's rear end to go and everything. Those are the very polite vibes on the podcast you're going to get. A lot of long, polite pauses. You had Cecil's name first. I was waiting for Cecil to come in first. But I had your name first before that. I've been working with Marsh here for about four weeks and I have inherited-

Let's use the skeptical toolbox to figure out who's going to talk first. His British politeness. Thank you very much. This is a great report. This is exactly the report you hear on the show. It's dynamite stuff. skeptical toolbox to figure out who's British politeness This is exactly the report you hear on the show it's it's dynamite stuff. It's really No, you go. It's all about Edited out of the show anyway Jazz podcast sorry Morgan this will not be a hundred minutes You can hey Morgan at least now you have evidence that I told them though It's not be a hundred minutes. You can... Hey, Morgan, at least now you have evidence that I told him though. It's not my fault, man.

Alright, so before we get to the movie stuff, can you tell our listeners a little bit about you guys' new podcast? Absolutely. Marsh is the smart one, so I'm just going to let him talk. Go ahead, Marsh. Get him. Okay, so it's a show where two podcasters who've got no previous Rogan experience get to know Joe Rogan. Because what we thought've got no previous Rogan experience get to know Joe

Rogan. Because what we thought was like, Joe Rogan, he's absolutely one of the most listened to people on this entire planet. And his interviews and opinions, they influence millions of people and arguably, you know, elections and stuff. And he gets a lot of criticism for his views. But it seems like a lot of the people who criticize him, they're often people who've never probably really listened to what he has to say, which seems a bit, it's not ideal for criticism. So we do actually listen and

then when needed, we try to correct the record. So like if anybody at all is curious about what Joe Rogan and his guests claim to be true, but you know, you want to have to actually listen to Joe Rogan to find that out, this is the show for you. We're like five, six episodes in. So far we've already heard Joe essentially just nod along, while a billionaire lies to him about how the government can just take away your bank account for no reason at all. Oh, Mark Andreessen. Mark Andreessen, yeah.

We've had Mel Gibson claiming to be able to cure cancer with ivermectin and anti-parasites. We've had so much talk about UFOs and UAPs. Way, way, way too much detail about what exactly is the right kind of bow for hunting. He's such a twat. Also, we keep getting this weird aside where Joe genuinely believes that plants have got feelings and are like more sentient than some animals. He keeps coming back to this, we're not entirely sure where he's getting that from, but he does keep coming back to it.

Jamie, can we check if plants are humans? I think the next episode we've got coming out, like the day after this show comes out, is Mark Zuckerberg claiming that the government is persecuting poor little Facebook. And then the week after we're going to be looking at how Lex Friedman tried to persuade Ukraine to stop fighting back against Russia and just accept peace. So yeah, there's a lot of stuff to go through. Wow. Yeah, and I edit the show.

Oh, okay. So if you guys want to listen, it's edited well. It's also hard to do. So... Hey, are you guys allowed to do a show like that? Did you ask the Knowledge Fight Squad? We'll figure that out maybe. Okay.

We'll later on in the show. So tell us Heath, what will be breaking down today? We watched Alex's War. It's the story of Alex Jones fighting a war against information in his own documentary and losing that war. It's hilarious sometimes and sad most of the rest of the time. Prosecutors honestly could have like played this movie at every J6 trial and got way more convictions than they actually had. Honestly. Not that it matters now. Not that they would have mattered, yeah, but you know.

And Marsh, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love true crime documentaries, but you prefer them to be told exclusively from the perspective of the criminal, you will love this movie. Like seriously, like giving someone enough rope to hang themselves, that only works if once they're hung, you stop giving them rope. Because otherwise, this movie just lowers Alex Jones gently back down to the ground. It's ridiculous.

Ah, not really. Have you seen the size of that guy's neck? You need a lot of rope. That is true. No, that the ground. It's ridiculous. No, really. Have you seen the size of that guy's neck? You need a lot of rope. That is true. No, that's fair. That's fair. And Cecil. Him and Tom should have a neck fight. Oh, interesting. It's like two thumbs wrestling.

Yeah. And Cecil, why the fuck do we let Eli pick movies for the weeks that he knows he's going to be gone for? Why the fuck do we let Eli pick movies for the weeks that he knows he's gonna be gone for? Well, because he wants to start a fight between our podcast and Knowledge Fight. It's pretty simple to see the motivation when you look at the world entirely in prank potential, Noah. No, you're right. You're right, because he's like, Oh, they're doing a Rogan podcast. I'll give them a show about Alex Jones today. Yeah. Motherfucker. We got a bit of Rogan.

We do get a bit of Rogan He's a little Rogan in here He's little all the time But he's little in here too Alright so do you guys want to nominate this one For being the best at being the worst at? Best best horse There's one horse

It's the great, this horse fucking Hates Alex Jones We watched that hate happen in Alex Jones. It's visibly angry at him for a shit thing. It's so good. Alex is scream crying about the Georgia Guidestones, I think, right before we see the horse. And then they pan over to a horse. A hero of a horse. The horse just looks directly into the camera and then looks away and walks out of the frame. I don't have time for this bullshit.

Disgusted. All right. So I got to just a little behind the scenes here. So as I'm going through the movie very often, I'll just scroll to the top and I'll be like, oh, this will be a good best worst and I'll write something out and then I'll find something better and I'll be like, oh, this is even better. And then I'll find something better and I'll be like, Oh, this is even better. Best worst. And then I'll find something even better. I did that more times with this goddamn movie.

And then I stared at it in the fucking morning this morning before the record. And I was like, which do I want to go with? But I eventually landed on best worst protest sign. You guys all know which one I'm talking about. Even though there are a lot of great protests. There are. There really are. Yeah. So we'll get to mine. Which one I'm talking about. Even though there are a lot of great protests. There are. There really are.

There's a lot of them. So we'll get to mine. We'll get you almost all the way through the movie to get to mine, but we'll talk about it. I just love the idea of like MAGA protester types having to like go to, you know, a craft store and get oak tag and like put it all together. It's the best. Yeah.

They got like the glue sticks and it's not sticking quite enough. They've got to pull off the letter back off and put the sticky back on again. Not this motherfucker. Not the one I'm talking about. They had ash on their hands, but yeah, okay. So I want to go best best roasted by juxtaposition of clips. Because the repeated cuts in this movie from young Alex Jones to current Alex Jones, those cuts are meaner than anything any one of us could have written. That is the harshest thing that's ever happened to a human being is just showing what he used to look like. Wow. Amazing. It's like a before and after picture every fucking time you see it.

A before and after for turning into a neck. It's so scary. There's a jump scare every time we come back to him. It is. That's what he looks like. It is. I'm going to go with best worst Optimus Prime voice. Yes.

He sounds a little like Optimus Prime, but if he had one too many Enerjob cubes in his giant vat of vodka that he's drinking constantly. So I had it in my notes somewhere here, but yeah, it sounds like it's his voice. It sounds like him doing an impression of us doing an impression of him. He sounds just like the Megatron at Universal Studios. He does. His AllSpark is a cube of vodka. Yeah, for sure.

All right. Well, the longer this takes, the longer I have to think about it, so we're going to keep the break brief and when we come back, we'll dive into all the self-serving bullshit that is Alex's War. And some baby bells for the pockets. There we go. And done. Hey, Heath.

Is that a incredibly life-like doll of yourself? Uh, yep. Okay, why? Oh, yeah, I'm faking my death. Okay, why? No, I get what you ask. So, you know when you sign up for something, but then you forget about it after the trial period ends, and then you keep getting charged month after month after month.

Oh yeah, no, of course, the subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. Exactly. Well, I signed up for this fitness app and it's impossible to cancel, so thinking my death just seemed easier. Gotcha. Why don't you just try Rocket Money? Oh, what's Rocket Money? Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. And for the ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Might be able to help you with the fitness app.

Also, I learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused every month. So you might find another one that you're not using. Okay, but how does it work? Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts, and you can get alerts if bills increase the price, if there's unusual spending activity,

or if you're close to going over budget. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save, then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. Sounds pretty good. Are lots of people using it? Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of over $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. All right, I'm sold.

Where do I sign up? Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash awfulmovies today. That's rocketmoney.com slash awfulmovies. Rocketmoney.com slash awfulmovies. All right, thanks Noah. You bet.

So that doll must have been expensive. You gonna return it? Uh huh. Yup. Definitely. Alright. I think I'm gonna hit the hay. Probably.

2 PM. Please leave now. Okay. Okay, this is the place. It says it's supposed to be Knowledge Fight HQ. Are you sure this is it? Well, this is what the guy that sold us the Chicago map of podcasting stars said. Oh, hey, why aren't you and Tom on here?

Okay. Gentlemen, come in. The Podfather will see you now. Oh, hey, Jordan. Come in. The Podfather will see you now. Oh, hey Jordan. Ah ah ah! It's Conciliary. Okay. Conciliary, where's Dan at? I said the Podfather will see you now.

Okay, cool. So anyway, Dan, Jordan... Ah ah ah! Okay, Conciliary and Podfather. So yeah, we've started a new show called The No Rogan Experience. Yeah, it's a show where two guys with no Rogan experience get to know Joe Rogan. Yeah, and you know, we just wanted to let you know about it because some people think it's kind of a bit similar to your show.

But it's not really. I mean, both of us are doing the watching and we aren't really trying to explain it to the other guy and it has different segments that you guys don't do. In fact, I've been doing react shows on clips since Pastor Manning and Seaman Latte. So like almost I feel like, ow! Stop elbowing me! But we thought we'd let you know that we've started it. Why didn't you go to iTunes instead of seeing me first?

Oh no, I mean we did. I mean, we put it on all the podcast players. We just, you know, wanted to let you know. I'm not even sure why we're doing this. Simple British manners, that's why. You came to ask my permission to start this podcast, is that right? Oh no, no, not at all. We've already started it.

We just wanted to let you know that we are now in the same iTunes category as you. I shall let you have your podcast. Today I am your bright spot, but someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to be my bright spot. But until that day, accept this gift as a gesture of goodwill on the day of Alex Jones's liquidation auction. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, thanks mate, thanks. You can kiss the Podfather's ring of podcasting.

Nah, I'm good. Kiss the ring! No, we're gonna go. But you know, if Alex ever comes on the Rogan show again, we'll give you guys a call. Okay, cool. Later. Did he just slowly close the door all dramatically on us? Yeah, he did. And what was with that ring? It looked like an old class ring with a single earbud as the center stone.

Yeah, well, you know, anyway, that one Reddit user that was mad about us not acknowledging the Knowledge Fight guys, they can rest easy now. I told you, we shouldn't pay so much attention to Reddit comments. Okay, Mr. Mark Andreessen is the CEO of CoinBiz. I said I was sorry for that! You made me look a fool! And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna start off with a terrifying image young Alex Cho. So weird.

So jarring. Oh god, he's just a walking illustration of what following his lifestyle does to someone. A cautionary tale that idiots mistook for aspirational. He should be a warning sticker on every like carton of beef that you buy at the store. You know? Like Surgeon General warning Alex Jones. Right. It's Alex's war against his arteries.

That's what we're watching. Young Alex, he looks like a composite sketch of all of the stooges at the same time. He does! Wow! Brilliant! And that composite's like doing a propaganda PSA video. Oh yeah. Wow. Brilliant. I'm going to tell you about the parallel of the international Jew. Let's go. Here we go.

So, okay. One of the many ways that this movie owns itself is the fact that they're showing us like 25 year old video clips of him saying, any minute now, this is going to happen. And he's still saying that shit now. Yeah. His vision is like a total dystopian future, but he doesn't realize that we're eventually going to lose to trickle down economics. Yeah.

That's what we lose to. Yeah. So, okay. And then we get this disclaimer, which might as well be, first promise not to get mad. Yes. Yeah. The disclaimer is like, basically, he's going to say some shit that's absolutely unconscionable, but that is super not honest if he does. That's what this disclaimer is. The transition is the best too. We're just asking questions about it. It's like, yeah, this is all true. It's not a conspiracy theory.

It's seriously it's not guys. It's not disclaimer. This might be a conspiracy. Yeah, right. Yeah. This movie is for novelty purposes only. The line that he uses is truth is stranger than fiction. It's like, okay, what is this going to be?

So then, okay, so that week we cut to footage of a Trump march and it's protesters and like the protesters clearly outnumber the Trumpers or whatever. And I, okay. So this crowd starts chanting info wars, info wars. And it made me honestly think if there are any three syllables that would cause me to respect you less if I heard you chant, right?

Yeah. Second only to USA perhaps. Which we hear a lot as well. Which starts literally right after the Infowars chant. It's their mating call. Yeah. So this is, and this is where we're going to meet Infowars' very own Owen Shroyer. Alex starts showing off his neck like a frog trying to find a mate. Alex starts showing off his neck like a frog trying to find a mate. It's all red to attract a mate. Gay frog.

Yeah. So a bunch of dude frogs comes up and he's like, damn the juice box liners. So but Owen Schreuer comes in and he's like doing his walk and talk and he goes, you know, this pandemic, this fake pandemic has given me a real taste of what a communist country would look like. Yeah. Which is give me a taste of how little he knows about communism. That's what gave us what taste.

He just got pardoned by the way. Yeah, he got a pardon. What I remember about him is he's a big activist for raw milk. He's a big fan of that. He had a guy on his show and they like cheers raw milk in a jar together and then try to like drink it as a victory sip.

And you watch Owen Troyer be like, whomp, chunky, it's very chunky. It's cottage cheese. And then, so we're at this so-called million MAGA march, which is like 28,000 people. It's like, you cut to Monica Cole. No, their math checks out, right? But there's like, they're like, oh, there's so many people there. And then we cut to like a series of close shots, right?

Every shots from within the crowd. I'm like, oh, must be a really big crowd you got there. So many people with the American flags, not just the flags themselves, but like on all their shit. Yes. All their other stuff. Like the FBI should be investigating everybody who ever bought any item with the flag on it that's not a flag.

Really? And also the people who bought flags, to be honest. And most of those people just got out of prison. And just in case, like the combination of red, white, and blue, they should just have that. You buy anything that's red, white, and blue, and that should come up as a flag, just in case. Just to catch on.

We got a few French people, it's fine. Yeah, I mean, that's fine. Russians. So yeah, and then, oh, I love this too, because they're trying to convince us that there's this huge crowd, but there's not. And so the way they do this is, at one point we see a crowd and you can hear somebody in the background say, did you hear that? They said over a million people are here. Yes, it is correct. And then it literally cuts to someone saying, it was at least 200,000.

And I'm like, yes, it fucking wasn't. It was tens of thousands. Guys, I'm just doing a quick head count. It's like 500 probably. I don't know. Somebody said like millions. It was tens of thousands. There are sources that say it was 200,000, but those sources are like the people who organized it. So you shouldn't really take that too seriously.

Right. So according to the news reports at the time, most of them said thousands and a couple of them were generous and said tens of thousands. Right? Like I might be like, if you gave me 28,000, I'm not sure I'd take the over on that. Right? Admittedly, can I, can I just, there's going to be several times throughout this that I like really enjoyed some of the cinematography here and some of the cinematography in this

section I thought was really good. Like I thought they did a good job of framing some shots, really getting some nice long, like you get a chance to see the all 28,000. So it looks like 500,000 in a single shot. That looked pretty good. Cecil, we don't need to be kind to them. This isn't our show. This is the road show.

You can see we're not being like, no, it's fine. We want you to listen to us. You disagree, but we'd like you to listen to us. Cecil, I'm with you. I'm going to yes and that. I'm going to say the scary shot of Antifa for a second was fun. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah? It's the front of the Antifa crowd is just a guy with like an anti-Nazi patch on his bag just walking out peacefully.

And I was like, okay, that was dumb. But like, if you're an Antifa guy, don't have swastika patches. Even if you cross it out to be like Antifa. It's a little hard to put down. At range. Yep. Because the cross lines up. Also, did you see how quickly everybody else scampers away from the Antifa guy? They would push themselves away like, ah, get away from it!

So yeah, we're going to meet Rob Dew here, who I guarantee you flirts with women by encouraging them to do the do. This guy, so he's amazing because he's one of their cameramen. And we hear him when we meet him, he's bragging about what a huge crowd shot he got. But we don't see that crowd. You know, they do. He's like, yeah, you know, kept backing away. And there were so many people, trust me on that. Why would I be talking about it if it didn't exist?

Next scene. This guy introduces his job like he's a special ops ninja. And he's like, yeah, we're all highly adaptable. We're very versatile. He's a podcaster. We do lots of stuff for a podcaster. I do mic plugging in, but ninja like mic stuff. Yeah.

Like I think he says, at info was nobody has one job. It's like, yeah, like many of them now have no job. Yeah. Zero jobs. And he even says, you know, cause you've got to adapt very quickly to changing situations. Like, yeah, cause your boss might defame a class of dead kids any minute now. Any minute. Yeah. Second. It's got to happen. Oh, we got to hire Rob too. He needs a job. We could just make him do weird shit.

For sure. Plug stuff in and then just we go back through and unplug it. And he even, he says in this film that he takes job interviews without knowing what they're for because they told him in the job interview, like apologetically, you do know this is for Infowars, don't you? And he's like, yeah, no, it's fine. I recognize that. But like you could get him for this because he doesn't do the background research.

Yeah, he doesn't pay attention. He's a great, great point. I do think that's fucking hilarious that he doesn't pay attention. He doesn't pay attention. Great point. I do think that's fucking hilarious that he admits that right up front that he's like, yeah, when they interviewed me for the job, they were like, hey, look, if you're just going to indignantly storm out, just go ahead and do that now. This is the last question. Do you have standards?

If you do, say your job. Say nothing and you're hired. And then he goes, he closes this little seat off, robbed us by saying, and then they banned Alex Jones and that makes him even more prophetic. I did the same thing in mine. I was like, what does that mean? Well, and I'm like, dude, you're the cameraman. You can take another try at this.

So all right. So then we get our ominous title screen, Alex's War, and we go to Austin, Texas, which would love to be known for shit other than Alex Jones. And Joe Rogan. Right. And Joe Rogan. Yeah. And we see this, like, so if you've ever watched Alex Jones' show, he's always like buried behind a bunch of stacks of paper, which is just supposed to like make us think, oh, he's done a lot of research. Just look at all that paper. We see what's on the paper now. Yes.

You shouldn't show that. I love these so much. Like we slowly pan across the script. It's just print. Some of them just print out of pictures that he's seen. That's the entire thing is just a picture. One of the script pages he's got is eight words long. It's just eight words.

Another is a small paragraph of Bill Gates Wikipedia page that happens to reference Alex Jones. That's the bit he printed out. It's an entire A4 sheet, one of them, and it's just the title and no content. That's his research. That's amazing. So, so in the end, of course, as we're seeing this, this is like him prepping for one of his shows and we're getting a voiceover where he's going, everything's a war. Everything's

propaganda. Except, except this right now. This is not what I'm talking about right now. This documentary, Alex's War is neither a war nor propaganda. And also that what I said just now after that. I'm caught in a loop. Rob, I'm caught in a loop. Rob, can you nudge me again? Just bump me a little. Dislodge my face from my neck. Smack me on the side. It's falling in again.

Rob nudges him and just pops up like Ram Man, that old little... I'm exactly the age for the Ram Man reference. Thank you. There's like five people in your audience that are this old. They need a walker and a Ram Man. Genuinely all the way through this. Every shot we get of current Alex Jones, he's a little bit wider and a little bit squatter. Like there's some sort of spatial dilation going on around him.

Right. And so Eddie goes, I'm perceived as a nut. And then they show these clips of him doing all the most insane shit possible. And I'm like, dude, these aren't cartoons that someone drew of you. These are just, if you're visual examples of you being perceived as a nut is just you, then you're a fucking nut! Why are you putting this in your movie? I wrote that so many times.

These are clips of him being in, he's attacking people on the street and then he's like, remember when I attacked people on the street? It's gotta go. I nailed it. Do you guys remember when he, when he tried to stop the truck in Texas of the pastor doing the charity for refugees? And he like I mean like physically tried to stop the truck like they put kids in it He was like you're a pedophile trafficker, and he jumps in front of the truck and goes into a horse stance And then he's like no, it's the wrong karate stance. I'm going to do a regular karate stance.

And then he goes to a third karate stance. It's the fucking greatest. It's so dumb. And he's like, but I don't mind being persecuted like this. And I'm like, yeah, that's how you make your fucking money, you ghoul. Yes. At a certain point, he's got a sword. This makes me so mad. He's got a sword in his hand and he goes to swing it and the fucking entire sword dislodges Bro get a blacksmith

Anybody who's in the swords already has a blacksmith you're fucking ruining all our cred here. It's ridiculous. You're making sword guys look weird. Yeah wait It's ridiculous. You're making sword guys look weird. Yes! Wait. And then we get, and this is such a small scene, I barely even want to mention it, but we get this scene where it's supposed to be like behind the scenes with Rob and him talking about the implications of one of their papers, but it's clearly staged bullshit. Yeah, like we see like the backstage footage and stuff, but then we see actual footage from his show. And I didn't realize this about Infowalls. He's got a giant wall screen monitor and there's just a guest who silently nods along for so

long. He doesn't say anything. He's just this pallid giant head. Yeah. You know, there's a scene here. Okay, so there's a scene here, which I really like, where he's getting, he's working himself up, like slowly working himself up. And the final insult that he brings to the table is he calls, like whoever he's angry

about, chicken neck rats. And I have to say, that could be the greatest insult I've ever heard. So there are some moments where I'm actually in awe of Alex Chow. I have to admit that. Yeah. I got to admit it. I lost 15 minutes trying to picture that insult. Just trying to map it out. Yeah, thank you. Yeah.

So that's a very weird look for a rat. Thank you. So OK. So then we're driving home with this asshole after the show, apparently. And he tries to get philosophical here. He goes, history is just the river that we jump into. It's so dumb. I couldn't even write it down. The present is just a river also in the thing I set up. So is the future. Guys, what's a river? Rob, what's a river? Amazing. But this is how he introduces us to some biographical stuff.

He tells us about how when he was a little kid, he read all the history books in his house and eight years old, he was reading Plato and Julius Caesar. And the art of war, obviously. Yeah. He says there were books everywhere. I tried to read, tried to read Dostoevsky, kept cramming my face into it. Didn't understand a word, but I kept doing it. Okay. Almost exact quote.

He's like, yeah, I read all the history books. Didn't really get books, but I couldn't quit looking at them. So he spent a lot of childhood looking at unintelligible, what he didn't seem to be aware was words making up sentences. Oh, this isn't even in English. I don't know what these squiggles are But yeah, he makes he makes the point that there were books everywhere I said, yeah, like most of the money contained 14 words. So they were pretty

You flip through the post-its it makes a fun Amazing also, I love this, you know to set aside the image of the precocious little scamp reading Nietzsche or whatever, but he gives this list of all the books that he was reading. And this list is amazing because it includes, he's like, I read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. I'm like, no, the fuck you didn't even read. I read the Art of War. I'm like, okay, well, that takes an hour and 15 minutes.

And then he goes, he goes, the time life encyclopedia of the occult. What is the connective thread in this list, my man? I used books. I read an Encarta interactive CD-ROM, the whole thing. A lot of CDs. Yeah, I mean, I mostly played the maze game that was on there. Read the entire instruction book for Ultima Online. It's a lot of flavor text.

So he's talking to us, he's telling us his biography. He goes at one point, my mom's brother did a lot of clandestine stuff in South America after Vietnam. I'm like, dude, he worked at Citgo and you're an idiot. That's what happened. Hey, that was the highlight for me though, because the next thing is, my dad had a bunch of friends in the John Birch Society. I learned a lot from them.

Yep, and his mom's friends were on a lot of drugs, so he never stood a chance. You don't have to put everything you think of in the movie. If you say it, you can cut it then. Wow. Yeah, man. And the flaw in this as well is that Jones is a documented liar. So it was just completely useless digging into the veracity of any of this. Because the guy's a liar anyway.

Well, and you don't have to because he says stuff like, Well, you know, when I was a kid, they always famous televangelist preachers, but you could go out on the river and you could watch them snort cocaine off of a prostitute's breast on their back porch. And I'm like, I don't think you could do that. No. Alex, I call you on that. Also he grew up in Dallas and he just saw people being shot and stabbed and beaten up

and set on fire. Like aren't these the times that he refers to as the good old days? Yeah, right. No, he specifically says he saw people beaten to death with shovels. And in case you couldn't visualize that, he says it was quote, like a James Dean movie, but 20 times that. And they decided to use West Side story footage. There's 20 rebels without a cause.

Think about it. Wait, that's the sharks and the jets. What happened? Oh man. So, well yeah, so, but he learns about, we learn about his childhood and then we cut to the present day where he's truffle shuffling at a blimp. Oh, it's so ridiculous because he even specifically says, and then you know, I never knew what I'd be in the future, what I'd become in the future, and then we smash cut to a blimp.

It's like, wow, that is a harsh cut. Perfectly round, filled with hard hair. Yeah, you've nailed him. You've nailed him. If you could levitate him, he's in the Macy's Day Parade. No changes. Oh, fuck yeah. Yep.

And we watch him consider mooning the blimp and then look, he sees the camera and he's like, no. Yeah, it was, yeah, absolutely. So okay, but we're in Atlanta, Georgia. This is right after the election. And we have this weird fucking moment where he's claiming that the Olympic rings were designed by Hitler. This is so stupid. First of all, he opens this sentence, what if I told you, I'll stop you there, I'd say you're a liar. I don't know how that sentence ends.

As you want. I'm going to say I'm a liar. What if I were to come at you with a karate chop like this? It's lame. I don't want to hear what you're about to say. Oh God. He thinks Hitler literally designed the Olympic logo. Not even had the logo designed. He says that Hitler sat down with a pen and ink and drew it.

And no he fucking didn't. It preceded Hitler by so long. It's from like 1913. You idiot. Yeah, it's from 1912 or something. Also, it's just circles. Everybody uses circles. You can't claim somebody invented that.

And there's this amazing bit because he's standing outside of the Olympic rings in Atlanta where they had the Olympics back when we said that I meant. And there's this dude just happens to be bicycling by and they stop him and they're like, Hey, you know, Hitler designed the symbol. Do you think we should tear it down? And this poor gentleman wants to agree with whatever the fuck they're saying. But he can't figure out what they're saying. So he keeps agreeing with he's like, so you want to tear it down. Yeah, let's oh So you don't want to tear it? No, that's not I love this poor guy so I want to buy him a soda

And it's just like he's just sitting there talking was like yeah, no, do you want to tear it down? We'll turn it down. It's like no way. I think it was caught. He's like, okay was called So we won't tear it down. He's like no, but we should he's like, no, I think it was co-opted. He's like, okay, it was co-opted. So we won't tear it down. Then he's like, no, but we should. He's like, all right, I'm back on board. Immediately back on board. Hey, that was amazing. Neck Guy, how do you think this is going for you right now?

Do you feel like you're winning your movie? Would you put this in your own movie? I love that the argument here is that let's tear down this symbol. Let's presume. Let's just presume for 10 seconds. It's totally wrong. But like Marsh said, it was written 30 years or something before Hitler.

But it, like, let's presume it's right. That he did actually sit down and draw with his little pencils the Olympic logo. He didn't use that as a symbol of terror to kill 6 million people in an act of the cleansing. He used it to have an Olympics. Okay. Okay. So there's, there's nothing there to connect him to the bad shit

He did Alex is just like no if it's related to Hitler and you're like dude such a straw man You're such an asshole right? So you've been listening to Joe Rogan a lot The unspoken bit here right is that he's trying to equate this with taking down southern monuments Yeah, right. He's trying to take he's equating this with taking down monuments to Southern generals or whatever, Confederate generals rather. And like, the equivalent would be a statue of Hitler that existed there because the Olympics were great. Right?

That's the equivalent. And we should probably, if there was one, we would ask to have that taken down. And we sure would! Absolutely would. I mean, maybe before a couple of days ago, I'm not quite sure how the new administration feels about that. I think one might be coming up soon, but like in the recent history we've taken it down. So okay. So now it's time for...

We're going to meet Ali Alexander from Stop the Steal. Yeah. Sammy Davis Evenmore Jr. Yes. Okay. That's not actually Sammy Davis' kid. It must be, right? Oh man. No. Wait. It must be, right? No, man.

No. Wait, it's really not? No, I think he just likes the look. Okay. I assumed it was definitely my guy. I was like, okay, sure. Is he being surveilled at this point by a blimp? Is there a blimp that's surveilling him and chasing him around?

There is a blimp in the air and they're pretty sure it's spying on them. They will later seem to think that about a vulture too, but Saruman is chasing him or some shit. Globalist Goodyear people. Yeah, right, right. But oh, and this is where we get Cecil's best worst, right? Yeah, he's driving around in his tank. So Alex Jones has a tank. If you didn't see this movie, he literally has like a Hummer that's all in flat black.

That's all decked out. It's supposed to look like Alex Jones's Infowars tank is going to take the front lines. But he is driving around with a large cup of vodka in the back and he is and he is yammering about how Joe Biden is not the real president and then he misses this amazing moment where he He should just call himself and sees call himself optimist prime. You should call himself Magatron and he totally misses. Yeah. Yeah, that's sad. Okay, this is like what if I was to tell you that but he's Taking it to the next level. He's popped his head out of a custom tank hatch that he built into a truck and starts yelling through a microphone.

It doesn't matter what you say next. If you see somebody pop their head out of a custom tank and they're a megaphone, they're done. You're leaving. Yep. And okay. So they get to, they're going to this thing at the Georgia state house, this, this protest that they're going to do.

And then when they get there, we have to talk about this Trump flag, right? This incredibly flaccid. Because clearly the polls that they use to hold this up are nowhere near stiff enough to hold up this flag. It's so amazing. They went overboard and they're like, buddy, I think we're going overboard. And the other is like, no, man, this is good. We're going to, it's going to be great. And when it's finished, it's a good little too much. Yeah, it's Looks like a hammock it looks like a So good

I love that they accidentally start with the flaccid Trump flag and then accidentally show Alex Jones eating a starburst and having trouble with Okay, all right those rappers rappers are tricky, though. If you don't have fingernails, literally impossible. So you just have to eat the paper and starburst. So. Pulls out of pocket. So but also we should point out because he's like firing everybody out before they go into this protest or whatever.

And we go straight from Alex Jones giving insane rant to Alex Jones leading the group in prayer, which is fucking amazing. Is this where we see his friend is wearing a snake skin cowboy hat with a stars and stripes motif? Like it can only be more American if there was a made in China label. And then, okay, then we see them rallying inside the Georgia State Capitol building. One of them goes, we're expecting 500,000 people on Saturday because we're allowed to say whatever number we want.

Oh, is this when one of them is like, they got Christmas lights, garlands, red bows. It's a Psyop. I was like, what? That's a sign of a festive Psy-op to you? It's late November, dude. Yeah, that's amazing. I mean, Christmas is a Psy-op, but not how he meant it. Yeah, right. Exactly.

I like that at a certain point they're standing on the stairs and they're kind of like, you just recognize that these guys are going to argue amongst themselves and one dude is just like, oh yeah, let's agree with, let's make, let's let all the hillbillies make up all the ideas if we want to lose the country. And I was like, I agree with that. Let's not let hillbillies make up anything. Yeah. You agree with Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. make up anything. Yeah, you agree with Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. And also, so the thing that they're arguing about, one guy's like, hey, we're already in the state Capitol building.

Why don't we just take it over? And Ali Alexander's like, dude, shut the fuck up, you stupid hillbilly redneck. Fuck, what would that even accomplish? And Alex Jones is like, I think it's a good idea. And also, we're literally on camera right now. Yeah, right. Don't say it in front of the fucking camera. So a couple of people are like, we're on camera, man. Don't shoot. And we watched them have

a messy fight about it. It's awesome. Well, and then so they're giving their little speeches and one of the guys comes in and he's like, hey guys, you know, we're in the state house and people are trying to work and they've asked us to keep it a little quieter here. So can everybody- Alex's like, fuck you, we loud bitch. Yes, right. And we going, ooh.

Guy cannot, no matter what, Alex cannot operate at a lower level. He's like Tom, he just has to scream all the time. That's how Lalex is. So he's just like, yeah, I can't be quiet. There's no way you turn this down. I'm sorry. I think Tom is good universe Alex Jones. I think you're right.

Holy shit. I want to see him fight so bad. Oh, that'd be amazing. Oh, God. Patreon Go folks. Because we can just, like, there's some amount of money where we can convince Tom to just walk up and punch him, right? Like we don't have to, there's a certain point where you don't have to have both guys involved in a fight, you know?

Oh yeah. So, okay. So now since he's in Georgia anyway, they're going to check in on the Georgia Guidestones. Amazing. By which we mean Alex is going to pee on them. Oh God. And we see the mark on them of how much piss and that is like pint number four level of piss. Oh, that is an alcoholic's piss. He's full of alcoholics. Yes, level. So much vodka and red bull.

It dried so fast. Yeah. Oh, he's a half measure because like not long after that someone blew this up. It's gone. It like comes out and it's like paint center. It like stains. There's a little bit of a stone cloud on top of it and it was amazing. Oh my god.

So yeah, so he's he's yammering about the end and he like he comes away. He's just clearly like doing his pants up and there's a big piss stain on the thing that he's walking away from and he goes, I peed on it. And then in case we didn't get it, he goes, I peed on it. And then he goes, I really peed on it. He literally tells us three fucking times. Guys, pee pee. And then, oh, we have to mention this too, cause he's like, he's filming the thing for his show

where he's like, and that's when they put up these obelisks. Wait, are these obelisks though? And one guy. Let's go with a monolith! Can you say monolith? I thought we agreed two syllable max, buddy. One of the guys comes from off camera and goes, I don't know what obelisks are. So good.

I want to be clear. They're not obelisks. No, say no. But one of them does say, no, I'd say they're obelisks, because they're all just fucking yes men around here. Yeah, right, right. And then he like reads one of them that's in a foreign language, but don't worry, he does it all racistically.

Oh yeah, super racist. Yeah, he's just a drunken idiot yelling at a rock. That's what I'm watching. Do you guys know what these are for? Do you guys know why they made these? Like what they're for? Yeah, it was like a mad conspiracy theorist, wasn't it? Yeah, it's just saying like, do humanity wisely. Yeah, but it's supposed to be for after a nuclear war.

So they were made in the 80s, very specifically for like after a nuclear war. They said it's like a bunch of rules for a bunch of people who just had all of everything blow up. So they made these things being like, man, I hope we can restart this shit after, because everybody in the 80s was like, yeah, next week we're all going to die. So they're like, well, let's make something just in case we all die.

Maybe we can look and once we call out of our shelters, we can look at this thing and maybe remember how to read. And that's why they made him. But he's got this insane conspiracy theory that doesn't take that into account at all. Yeah, right. Well, so one of the things it says is to maintain the Earth's population below 500 million or say, I think that's the number.

And so the conspiracy theorists have glommed onto that and say, and said, they're going to kill 6.5 billion of us or however fucking many people, you know, and so that's been their thing forever, which is why some asshole blew these fucking things up shortly after this video. Yeah, that guy didn't piss on them, Alex. That guy actually committed to the pit. Coward. Yeah. And this is where we get Heath's best worst as well, right?

This is where we get the good... And what that means, guys, and fucking correct me if I'm wrong, folks, listeners, go watch this fucking video at 32 minutes and 11 seconds, they cut immediately from Alex Jones explaining his theory about the Guidestones to a horse's ass. That is the exact transition.

The horse looks over his shoulder like, oh fuck you, and then walks off, but the immediate thing we see is the horse's ass. I felt like me and the editor were seeing eye to eye for just a second there. The horse is just like, yeah, it's a obelisk. It's just a stone pillar. It is gone. Do you want me to be your Google guy like Jamie?

All right. Well, the horse's ass thing was too much for even us, so we need a break. I'm the battery in your smoke detectors. And I'm your air filter. And I'm your old passwords. Look, we need to be changed out regularly. And when we're done asking you nicely about this stuff, I mean, those are some awfully nice kneecaps you got there. Would be a shame if something were to like...

happen to them. Oh, um, actually guys, I think I'm out. I don't need to coerce anybody. Are you kidding me, Half-Filter? You're the easiest one of us to forget of all. Well, that was before there was Filter Easy. What's, uh? Filter Easy is the number one home air filter subscription service in the US. All the filters are proudly made

with love in North Carolina. With love you say? I'm sure they use other ingredients too, but yeah, they make remembering to change your filters automatic for you. The Filter Easy subscription service delivers the filters to your door right when you need them. Okay, I don't know. Have you actually tried them? Well for the purposes of the sketch, I'm an air filter, but Noah's tried them. I sure have.

They sent us filters to try when they became a sponsor, which is great because I have one of those hard to find filter sizes and it's always a pain. Also in a rather strange but nevertheless true endorsement, Filter-Easy's filters snap into place in a way that is incredibly satisfying to my ASMR. But do they improve airflow, lower energy bills and keep your HVAC system running more efficiently? They sure do. Filter-Easy is known for their sturdy and efficient magic filters that are sturdier than

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time to take care of everything else. Head to filter easy dot com slash awful and use the code awful for 50% off your first order plus free shipping forever. Once again, that's filter easy dot com backslash awful for 50% off your first order plus free shipping and make sure you use our promo code awful so they'll know we sent you. Do we still get to bust the kneecaps for our stuff or what? Agent Smith. Agent Smythe.

Have a seat. Thank you sir. Oh I'm going to have a mint. Gentlemen you're the best operatives the Illuminati have. That's why I called you in. We've got a delicate problem that needs to be taken care of immediately. Okay, so sure thing, boss. Yeah.

Yeah, it's this public access journalist in Austin, Texas. I don't know how, but he's managed to unravel our whole plot and he's just like shouting about it to anybody who'll listen. The whole plot? You mean the one world government? The false flag operations? The juice box linings? The whole thing. The gay plot? You mean the one world government? The false flag operations? The juice box linings? The whole thing.

The gay frogs? All of it. Absolutely. And we need them taken care of. I see. Well, that could be tricky. Yeah, I've seen the kind of shape the target's in. So trust me on that. It's not going to be tricky. I don't know. Secretly overthrowing democracy and instituting a multi-generational plot to disguise the intentions of our lizard overlords is one thing, but killing an out of shape public access host in Texas?

That's another thing altogether. What are you talking about? We kill people all the time. Can't you do it like you did Princess Di? No, no, no. No nearby torch statues to act as subtle clues. You guys are your subtle clues all the time. Look, we're the Illuminati boss.

It's our whole thing. Well, can we like, discredit him? I mean, that's gonna be tough as well. Okay, maybe if we can like somehow entice him to flash his tits at a blimp and piss on monuments he doesn't like, chase people who heckle him, and then put all of that into his own movie? And exclusively talk like he's just done screaming until his mom agreed to buy him a bug juice? Yeah, that seems like a long shot, but it could work. Alright, alright, give it a try.

I'll give you 25 years to show me the plan can work. Otherwise, we're going to have to rub them out. Don't worry, boss. We'll take care of it eventually. Mind if I just take one more mint for the room? You always take all the mints. I only ever take two mints. Is that a lot?

I mean, when you take them every time. Why even have them there if you're not meant to take them? Social contract too is too many. Hahahaha And we're back for more of this shit and we're gonna rejoin the action back in the biographical shit We have now reached the point where we've moved from the mean streets of Dallas to the hippie wonderland of Austin, which we Which we visualize through a dude playing hacky sack HACKY SACK! Doing no tricks just kicks Austin, which we visualized through a dude playing hacky sack.

Hacky sack! Doing no tricks, just kicks. I mean, he was alright though. There's some outside and some inside stuff. He was better than most. I do also like that they punctuate, like in order to do that transition that could, they punctuate it with like clips from like little lines from the show. And what they have to punctuate that is Infowars going, the most banned network in the world. And it's like, it's not ideal when your slogan would

equally fit a pedophile ring. Like maybe get a different slogan. So, yeah, we see some shirtless pictures of young Alex back when he was ripped. Yeah. Look like he was doing a little martial arts there. Not going to lie. Definitely looked like he was in a kata position. Karate. Yes. And then he's like, but that's when I first saw public access TV and that changed my life.

That's my gullible niche right there. I saw loads of people getting attention for being liars and I thought, yes, please. Yes. Let's get my dad to buy me some time on that network. Yes. Yep. So then we're going to meet Mike Hanson who is a descendant of Davy Crockett. No he isn't. Is he?

Because he doesn't make a big thing of it. He doesn't go out with much attention at all. He's even got a prestigious Post-It note declaring himself an attendant. Sellotape to the wall. But here's the thing though, is that he's not. We meet this guy and he says, I'm a descendant of Davy Crockett. And then he's like, look, my wall has a goddamn genealogy connecting me to Davy Crockett. But he gets all the way back and he's like, my fourth great grandfather was Davy Crockett's brother.

That's not a fucking descendant, you stupid son of a bitch. Why would you leave that party? I gotta move the yarn on my yarn and push things back. You know how crazy this guy is gonna be just by the number of pictures that are on his wall and no discernible space between them. You're like, no, this is a crazy person. Oh, 100% crazy person.

Yep. This guy owns shackles. Well, it's that and the fact that he makes a point of saying how much he loves MLK out of nowhere. That asshole also loves MLK. So, you know. FBI should be looking at yarn and pushpins too. Like not everybody, but like a lot. Put it on the list. Yes, absolutely. So now this guy is Mike Hansen.

He is Alex Jones's first cameraman, and he has a room dedicated to his Alex Jones payday the way I have a room dedicated to retro video games. He is not well. Certainly not. Nope. But he was the first guy that like, I guess, Alex Jones hired with his dad's money when he started doing public access television. And he also had a partner back then who we cut to now. And I wrote immediately in my notes, we cut to an insensitive John Lovett's

character talking shit about Bill Clinton. This man is Jeff Davis. I wrote my notes. Hey, Davis is don't name your kid Jeff, okay? Come on. You know my great great great great grandfather's brother was Jefferson Davis? I think that's true. Actually, I really... My dad did a bunch of geology and he was like, fuck, okay. Yeah, you can't be in like the John Birch Society and shit.

What are you burning in the backyard, dad? Yeah. Hahaha. But he's like, yeah, you know, Alex Jones came along and he really outshined Jeff Davis. And I'm like, we just saw Jeff Davis, okay? Yes. A tea light candle outshines Jeff Davis. A three for me value menu without trying.

Jeff Davis. Come on man. I think they actually show the moment it happened because they show clips of the two of them together and at one point they're both in like checkered shirts like they're presenting like the folksy checkered shirt conspiracy hour on the local Access Sir TV. But then one day Alex is in a shirt and tie and Jeff Davis isn't. He clearly didn't get that memo and he looks so bad. He's in his folksy shirt. Alex is in a tie.

Seething. Alex's chair is so much higher he's got a giant cigar. And then like the next clip they're both in suit and ties. He's like, oh you've got the memo. Too late. So yeah, but I guess we're seeing clips of Alex Jones rising through the ranks of public access television. The mean ranks of public access television. The mean streets of public.

Yeah, we should be clear. It's just you pay money and they let you be on TV if you agree not to put a penis on it. Amazing. It's like if we did a Rocky music montage of us like plugging in mics for the. Uploading things to Libsyn. Well, he says at this point, he's like, I had three different shows on public access television. That's like telling you how many fucking podcasts I have as a marker of my popularity. You fucking jackasses. His cameraman goes, Oh, even back then he could draw a crowd and they show this video of like 18 people scattered around a fucking fountain

We have five by the way, no big deal Anybody else have as many as five or historically I probably got more than that Not the current ones, but you know, there were a couple. It's a good thing Eli's off. But they're at the site of the Oklahoma City bombing to do a little bit for your show. This is again back in the day, you know, in his early days of spreading bullshit as a profession. And I guess the claim he's making is that there was a second explosion when the Oklahoma City bombing happened.

What would that mean though? Neither him nor I. Like a JFK second shooter thing? I don't know. A second bomb went off on a grassy knoll nearby. And it's a really small detail, but I noticed he says while he's talking about this, look, I'm not sitting here claiming to have all the answers. To be clear, he is standing.

So like, that is the level we're going for. There's also a shot of like back when George W was the governor of Texas, I guess he got thrown out of a George W event for yelling at him. Yeah, totally. And George Bush is just looking at a bunch of people, they're laughing. I wonder what George Bush thinks about getting seated next to him at the inauguration. Oh, God.

Also, I have to mention this thing. There's, because we're getting all of these shots of like, because that's like him, his being detained moment right there, that's like him making a star out of himself. That's him being a rising star, getting thrown thrown out of events and so at one point they show him at like a fucking I don't know like a bus station or whatever and he won't use the thumb scanner and he goes he turns to the guy he's telling him to use the thumb scanner he goes I feel like I'm being raped here

I'm like you're using the thumb scanner wrong motherfuckers oh I'd forgotten he said that. That now makes some other stuff make a lot of sense. Oh, yeah. Good rule of thumb. If that makes things make sense in your life, you've gone horribly awry. Okay, so listeners, just to give Marsha's comment a little bit of context, in some pre-show communications Cecil asked me to do something and I've responded.

I feel like I'm being raped here. So yeah, that's the context we're talking about. Pre-show communications Cecil asked me to do something and I've responded. I feel like I'm being raped here. So Context we're talking about so we get some shots of him like doing his shit with in Waco He helped him rebuild their church there. Okay, just really quick They show a clip of somebody that Alex Jones hired to help rebuild the cults church I guess. And they show that guy hammering a nail in and he hits his finger so hard.

I have to cut a laugh. Such a metaphor for all the editing in this film, right? So, but then we, all right, so now we're to the point in the biographical shit where we've caught up with Infowars existence. And that starts with him going and Wikipedia It says we started 99. That's bullshit. We started in 97 Okay, you're doing a Wikipedia edit war in your movie right?

Clear about how important he thought it was Oh Fortuna is playing as this is happening. Yeah, it's so He's like, we actually started in 1997, not 1999. Citation needed, assholes. It's so stupid. Yeah, his argument is, we've been lying for very slightly longer than Wikipedia thinks we have. Oh gosh. But he's saying it like Wikipedia can't be trusted, but we've literally already seen

in this film, he uses Wikipedia as one of his main sources. That's all the little printouts, all the little fucking papers he had printed out. Any stone pillar can be an obelisk. So, okay. So then we see some news clips of Alex Joe's being exposed on real news as a, you know, insane dangerous person. Because he is an insane dangerous person. I think that also is important to point out. Very important. And then John Ronson gets a name drop that I'm sure he's real happy about. Gosh, such a young John Ronson. I remember watching this Secret Rule of the World series,

but seeing John now, God, seeing him that young, it's incredible to see him. And I think in retrospect on that, I think John genuinely went a bit too easy on who Alex Jones really was when you see who Alex Jones became. I think you want to do another cut of that if you had a chance. Yeah. So famously, Alex Jones and John Ronson and his fucking cameraman with the crazy weird Alex Jones room all snuck into Bohemian Grove,

which is like a silly nature retreat thing for billionaires. Yeah. And it's great because the plan was to just walk in, like pretending they fit in. So they even practice doing the kind of conversation that they did people in Bohemian Grove. Being preppy is what they called it. Yeah.

Practice being preppy. Preppy, would you say preppy? Cause they look like they both work at Bass Pro Shops. I don't think that looks preppy is what they called it. Practice being preppy. Preppy? Would you say preppy? Because they look like they both work at Bass Pro Shops. I don't think that looks preppy to me. It's so good because it's just Alex going on this long weird monologue about nanotechnology is coming and how small it can get and then at the end of this minute long thing while they're walking, you just see Michael, I agree. That's his conversation.

Well, I love doing it. They had to practice talking like a normal person and I's all. Well, I love to do that. They're like, they had to practice talking like a normal person and I'm like, why would they have to practice that? And the very next shot, the very next shot is cameraman Mike going, pray, they're leaving his house to go do this and he goes, pray for us, honey. Keep the evil off of us. And I'm like, oh, okay.

Yeah. That's why. Nah, they'd have pegged idea. So you needed to practice. I agree. But their plan was just walk in like they fit in and that was what they were meant to be doing. And as John tells us, I've seen John like giving talks about this as they were walking down the road, Alex and Mike just gave up and like dive rolled into the bushes and we're gone for like half an hour. Combat roll, combat roll! Combat roll! Meanwhile, John just walked in. Just really casually walked in.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, we even see some footage of them sneaking through the woods, right? Like, hiding behind trees and stuff. God, it's so cringe. It's so fucking cringe to watch these guys jumping and running through the underbrush. So good. They finally put a hidden camera inside of, I think, Alex's little bag that he's carrying or something. Yeah. And we see clips of that.

It's just like it's just a summer camp for old guys. They're like dudes making lanyards and they're having a barbecue. Well, and then you've got Alex Jones lying over top of this going, everyone was trying to fuck me. I'm like, you have a camera. Why would that be? Where's that footage Alex? Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. But basically it's a silly play, right? It's a, this whole thing is a big weird- Satanic sacrifice, Noah. In a satanic sacrifice play. Where you bring, you start it with bagpipes. That's how you start your satanic sacrifice. Yeah.

And cameraman Mike is like, these are the shoes that I snuck into Bokimian Crown Hill. He's like, he's talking about it like it's the NBA final shoes. It's amazing. He's got the shirt framed with a picture of the shirt so you know it's real. Like he's selling it on an auction site or something. Just him wearing the shirt holding a newspaper up. Oh, so funny. God, it's amazing.

That dude is fucking so batshit insane. He's great. Well, and he goes, he goes, I thought they were going to kill us, but it's turned out it was just a silly play and we're dumb. Alright, well after the harrowing adventure of snuck into a play without a ticket, I think we can all use a break to catch our breath, but first let me give Act 3 the hard sell. Will forever enter through solutions of the fading dawn? Can perhaps engulf the simulation perplexing a stolen promise?

Is the deepest loam of absolutions fathom granular? Find out the answers to fucking something I guess when we return for the we didn't say no take backs conclusion of Alex's War. Hey Globalist Illuminati guys. You wanted to see me? Oh hey, Osamba. Yeah, come on in. Have a seat.

Dude, you're tall. I am tall, yeah. So, what's up? Yeah, so remember when we told you to do a terrorism on the US in order to spread fear and help us install a new world order? Yeah. Right. As you know, we don't like to micromanage, so we kind of gave you free reign.

But you'll remember the light suggestion we made. We said maybe burn down a building kind of like the Reichstag fire. Reichstag. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Totally. Right. And we mentioned how the fire killed like 150 people.

Did the job. Blame the communists and the Jewish people, bing bang boom, Hitler takes power. Totes, yep, I remember. Yeah, so just a quick question. Did you catch the news at all today? I just looked at my alerts for a second. I didn't like click into the articles though,

you know, I'm talking about. Are you guys talking about the planes that flew into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon this morning? We are. We are talking about that. Yeah. Yeah. So, was that you? Yep. Ran the whole show.

I want to surprise you guys. You are welcome. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. So, first of all, love the initiative. Yes. Thank you. Great initiative. Absolutely. But like cool, cool, cool. So first of all, love the initiative. Yes, yeah, great initiative, absolutely. But like, here's the thing. Multiple targets, thousands dead. Now it's like, you know, the whole big thing we've got to cover up.

Okay, okay. Yeah, no, I hear you, I hear you. And yeah, I guess I did kind of let that one get away from me a little bit. I got excited. A little too hard in the paint on that one. Hard in the paint. Yeah, no. Fair enough.

Basketball thing. Tall guy gets it. Yeah, yeah. I'm tall. So anyway, just try to stay within the parameters next time. No, understood. Totally understood. I am taking that note.

I get it. Great to hear. Yeah, like we don't like to scold. That's not our style at all. So you know, thanks for being like cool about it. Yeah, yeah, no. You got it. Great to hear. Yeah, like we don't like to scold. That's not our style at all. So, you know, thanks for being like cool about it. Yeah, yeah, no, you got it. All right, now get out of here, you little scamp. All right.

All right, later guys. Good luck with the Judaism stuff, E.T. Dubs. Thank you. Oh yeah, and good luck with the Islam stuff. Thanks. Thanks. All right, later fellas. Take care.

Nice guy. He is a nice guy. So we uh, we're gonna murder him, right? Yeah, totally. But let's like wait ten years. Perfect amount. Nice. Jesus Christ. And we're back for still more of this shit.

And now our trip to Alex's career is going to take us to 2001. I wonder what he'll talk about. Yeah. Yeah. Something horrible happened to Alex Jones's career. Right. Well, first we have to like make him seem prophetic. So we see these shots of him before 9 11 going, I predict that there will be terrorism someday. And we're like, oh, shit. Wow. Yeah, they show clips of him talk about the World Trade Center. Yeah, but he was talking about the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

Like it already happened. Yeah. It felt like we all didn't agree that that was going to be a target. Yeah, the Simpsons had already done it by then. Yeah, right. And also he talks about Osama Bin Laden, who was also already a known terrorist by then as well. Right. Not in the same fucking clip even. Yeah.

But yeah. And then 9-11 happened and we have this weird moment where he's trying not to say, And I realized I could get rich off this shit. But his eyes are clearly remembering that time when he realized he could get rich off this shit. So, yeah. eyes are clearly remembering that time when he realized he could get rich off this shit. So yeah. Yeah. And the thing about this, I wasn't sure whether like this movie, was it actually made by Alex Jones or was it made by someone who was trying to like show what he was about?

Like who was a sympathetic? Because for them to cut together this montage of Alex predicting 9-11, either they had to take his selective edit and not check it, or they had to selectively edit those clips themselves. But either way, the filmmaker is making no effort to see... Either they're making no effort, or they're actively making an effort to lie to the viewers at this point. Right.

But this is our first Joe Rogan sighting. It is! Right? Because we get the shot of him just actively spreading misinformation about 9-eleven as it was happening Yeah, and Joe gives him a call on the phone and they chat about it live and Joe's trying to be reasonable about it Yeah, yeah, that was terrifying Joe. Yeah being the voice of reason is a bad sign for you if you're the other person At one point he says he says to Alex, but Alex don't you think this is irresponsible speculation? It's like you hear that one day,

you're irresponsible speculation. You used to know. Alex's response is just like the Reichstag fire. And I was like, wow, this is an interesting theory. So like the Illuminati wanted to blow up the World Trade Center and they they wanted to blame it on Bin Laden and they were like, hey, what if we actually just hire Bin Laden to do it also? But then Bin Laden went, you know, went a little too hard. And they were like, fuck. All right. That's a big cover up. I like too that he's also talking to a guy on the

phone who 100% is like, you know, I'm an engineer and that building fell like it was engineered to fall. Like, just like it was good, the well-designed building. Greatest explosion he's ever seen. Are you sure? Are you sure it wasn't like detonated? He's like, nope, it looked like it just like got hit by an airplane and then it fell down like it's supposed to when it gets hit. Yep, like it's engineered like that.

And now it's just like, can I milk this? Alright, next caller! Wikipedia says the buildings are actually built to do that. Ha ha ha ha. Specifically, he said it's the most beautiful implosion you've ever seen. I don't think beauty is the attribute you want to be highlighting. Maybe we go with a different... I mean, not as beautiful as the Infowars company last year's implosion. That hasn't happened yet.

It's been knocked out the second most beautiful implosion. So we cut to another Trump rally modern day, this time in D.C. and we keep getting these countdowns, right? Like it'll be like we're in Washington, D.C. 39 days to the inauguration. This would be Biden's inauguration. Right. And we see Alex Jones trying to do the reservoir dog's walk, but everybody's marching a little too fast and

he's a little out of breath. And, uh, yeah, I was going to say, I think it's just that he's like visibly struggling because he is staggeringly drunk. He's not trying to walk in slow motion. That's just the best that he can achieve. And what we're watching is like the best 10 seconds they could get of him walking. That's a lot on the editing room floor. You're right. Well, and then Owen shows up and when Owen showsied Piper of idiots, trying to gather a crowd behind him as he goes. But it's ridiculous. He's already the world's most incomprehensible man and

now you've given him a megaphone. I didn't get a fucking word on this. Maybe every one of three words. Something like that. It sounded like a big bad wolf trying to blow a house down. Like somehow his voice was clipping before the megaphone. Like not even on a microphone. It's just naturally clipping somehow. I like that they show us like a long shot of these MAGA people. They're marching for a while. Alex is having trouble so they have to cut away. And they show them, they stop and we watch them be baffled by an opera singer for a second.

Oh yeah. Did they do that on purpose? Where they were like, okay, and then we'll stop and we'll listen to some opera and then we'll keep going. We'll do our protests. Maybe Alex just employs those people because it's like music soothing the savage beast or something.

Oh, interesting. Well, I'll tell you one guy he definitely employs and that's the guy that walked by and said, Alex Jones, you have opened the eyes of millions of people in the world. Just blessed to have you among count you among its ranks. That guy is walking right up to the camera. Yeah, he's wearing an info wars shirt.

I want him to carry on just like yelling specific compliments. And you don't look like someone marinated a ham in the cheapest whiskey they could find and then stuffed it into a child's t-shirt. I wanted him to just follow him around with like a WWE belt and hold it over his head and just talk about how great Alex is the whole time. I think you did use obelisk correctly by the way earlier. That horse loved you. So also when the event starts right they've got that chick doing the opera music there's a sign in the audience,

this is not my best worst, but it was still pretty fucking good, that just said, fraud equals socialism. What? So, okay, and then, oh, and then he runs- Oh, we meet Michael Flynn here, don't we? Yes, yes, he runs into Michael Flynn, and he starts to talk to him,

but he's still on his megaphone at first, and he's like, oh yeah, I just use my people voice for this. Alex, also Flynn hates him so much. Oh my God. Does Flynn hate every single, you could just see the disgust in Flynn's eyes as he's having a conversation and Alex keeps on like trying to shake his hand and Flynn won't reach for it. then he's like glad you came and Flynn's just like Seething and staring at the most awkward exchange you've ever seen Alex might as well go for the fist bump get nothing and then he has to just walk away and they show us this Alex Just being like Michael Flynn classic funny dude

He does didn't want to touch me. I want Michael Flynn to become a stand up comedian so bad that would be amazing. After seeing him bomb doing his talk, me too. So he's doing this talk. Treason. More like reason. Please. This is the best talk. It's so good. It's so awkward.

He says the whole like, well, you know, they keep attacking me, but sticks and stones will break my bones. Words will never hurt me. And then he pauses like that's going to be an applause point. It's going to be the hits. Then he crossed, then he crosses that off his hand real quick. And his next beat, I swear this is a goddamn quote. He goes, I'm asked on a scale of one to ten who will be the next president eight I say seven because I'm Hi, hi. Who's the nerd?

Get the fuck out of here. Dude got tricked by his own Google form. Oh my god. That was the only option that came up was to scale the one to ten. But he's fucking amazing, God. Well, it's a drop down menu. Idiot. All the way.

Also, he plea bargained to willfully and knowingly making false and fictitious fraudulent statements to the FBI. And then he got pardoned. So I just want to mention that. Yeah, he's not a super bright guy and it shows. Yeah. Oh, there's a shot of Mike Lindell. Look at all sad and stupid.

And like just as if we're just doing the greatest hits. Fucking Eric Metaxas shows up. He's the emcee at this event and he introduces Alex Jones. Yeah, Eric Metaxas. He's terrible and he gets everywhere. You could say he's Metaxas-sized. Brilliant. Brilliant.

Yeah. And also they, they, they pan out to their crowd and I'm, it's so small. It's like, it's, it's like 300 people. I mean, look, if we did this, if we drew this crowd in a live show, I'd be pretty proud of us, right? That's the size crowd that they're working with here. Yeah. We do know what at least one person who's in that crowd, because we know that Liz from Michigan is in that crowd. It's Trish from Michigan. Thank you very much. It's Trish. You're right. It's Trish. I was so excited she was there. Trish from the militia. That's right.

Nobody calls her that. She wants an autograph for her three year old grandson, which sounds grim, but fair play that will be worth something after Alex Jones is dead. Oh yeah. Okay. She's thinking it. I was like get that maze and blue out of your fucking mouth Trish from Michigan get out of here Fuck you, but yeah, so Alex Jones comes out. He signs Trish's tits or whatever and then he goes out and he goes This is his opening line. He's like you look at the Bill Gates and the Mark Zuckerberg's

They are miserable slaves of Satan So everything he says starts with nobody nothing and then burning hell over this game is crazy. Oh God. That crowd looks like that crowd that tiny little crowd looks like it's going to be so rude to a Waffle House waitress in 30 minutes. That means so fucking rude. He goes, they want to keep the whore houses open, but they say that the churches are not

essential. Oh God, what was that? Okay. His list after whore houses got crazy and he realized it. It's the best. He's like, they're keeping open the whore houses, the liquor stores, Walmart, Target, Yankee Candle was open. I got a Wetzel's Pretzel.

Churches are essential though. Yeah. But also when he's saying that the enemy wants to keep the liquor stalls open, I'm not sure it's in Alex's interest to be arguing against liquor stalls being open. I feel like his interests align with the enemy there. So we should probably, we haven't really mentioned this, but every time you see Alex Jones, there is a beverage near him. And it's not, it's not a bottle in a paper bag, but it might as well be.

It's a red solo cup. Right, right. That's very often it is. Look, if you took a drink every time you saw him sipping some water in this, in this fucking movie, you'd be as drunk as he is by the end of it. Yeah. Yeah. Also this ends with the line, certainly towards the end we've got the line, Joe Biden will be removed one way or another. Yeah. Yeah. In a movie that's trying to argue that Alex Jones is innocent. That is not a great line to include. I don't

think he meant a democratic election in four years. I don't think, I don't think he did. So yeah, pin in that. It'll matter later. Yeah. So, okay. Then our shifting timeline takes us to 2004 at Madison square garden where Alex Jones apparently made it onto some poor networks coverage of the Republican convention.

Oh, it's so good. Cause they basically do say like, and you know, in the interest of balance, here's a deranged liar. Like the media was so unprepared for Alex Young's campaign. I feel like that was the downfall of everything right in that moment. So they're like, no, let's do fair and balanced reporting with this crazy person. Oh my God. So yeah, but he yells at their cameras like, everybody should get on Google and look into

9-11 and do their own research. This is how medicine is going to work eventually. And then he tries to convince us that Fox News wanted to give him a job, but he didn't want he was he broke up with them. He didn't want a job. He was too credible. Really. This is also where we get the weird cartoon. Yeah! They just animated the holes on his face. That was really weird, man. They're just like, that's all that you could see.

And then the rest of it was just flat. It was really very uncanny value. It was just creepy and he just yelled nonsense for a minute and a half. Admittedly, very, very accurate cartoon because he got redder as it went on. Oh interesting. Richard Linklater I think wasn't it that the filmmaker didn't do boyhood as well like that's kind of that was a real film He made like Jones in like oh, it was not prepared for what Alex Jones was they really enabled him along here Wow So yeah, but he explains here that oh that that makes sense of this because this is the part where he's like But I didn't want to be in Hollywood and speaking as somebody who's watched movies that he's produced so that he could be in them. I don't believe you

Okay, but you're probably being skeptical of Alex Jones at this point. Did you know that Charlie Sheen? That pillar of his sanity and reason Charlie Sheen, yeah, they show him on Jimmy Kimmel going. I think 9-11 was bullshit. Alex Jones agrees with me. There's a big fucking like shepherd's crook pulls him off the screen. The whole movie. He's like brick on the other side with a grenade and he doesn't know. So stupid. We see him on the view. Right. Oh my God. What was that so stupid. We see him on The View, right? Oh my God, what was that? Why did they have him on The View?

How the hell did that happen? Yeah. God. Well, you said that the media just wasn't prepared for the guy. Yeah. Okay, that clip looked like in five seconds, he was going to have a fist fight with Barbara Walters on the set. And lose.

Yeah. Yes. Even like the conservative person was telling him to shut the fuck up. Yep. Well, right, because he's always making him look stupid. This is also where he explains that Satan lives in California. He's like, of all the places I've ever been, the most evil is in California. And then he like specifies the region of California where Satan is betting down. Yeah, he said specifically the most evil place in the world is, quote,

the bit between Silicon Valley and Los Angeles. So, you know, take that, Pata Robles. I had to look at him. I had to look at us. Fuck you, Central Coast vineyards. You're not quite as good as Nappans, you know? And then there's suddenly a fucking music video promo for Joe Rogan. Yeah. Joe Rogan's there.

When a man in like masks, like presidential masks, ripping bongs with him. Yeah, and then they just say, Belly of the Beast, like 30 times. Oh my fucking God. While dressed sort of like a nun who's pretending to be George Bush. Why are they dressed like nuns?

They're definitely in habits. It's so weird. And then that ends and we talk about like, so when Alex Jones first became popular post 9 11, a lot of his audience were gullible liberals because he was making, he was talking about George W. Bush being evil and George W. Bush was evil. Right. So it was pretty easy for him.

Easy. But then once George Bush was out of office, all the liberals are like, Oh, you're just a crazy person who says that about everybody and laughs. So we're talking about that era of his career when he had to switch to conservative lunatics being his bread and butter. And in so doing, we see an image of him dressed as Heath Ledger's Joker, which will haunt my fucking nightmares forever now.

Yeah, because somebody photoshopped Obama as well as Heath Ledger's Joker. And then Obama as well as Heath Ledger's Joker. And then he's dressed as Heath Ledger's Joker. And then, for a moment, they show the most racist fucking Obama mask I have ever seen in my entire fucking life. I saw that and recoiled from the screen. I was like, are you kidding me? Someone made that mask? Holy shit. It's a fucking hate crime mask. It really is.

Is that Justin Trudeau? Cecil, when you... So Cecil, literally when you mentioned the mask, my shoulders like instinctually drew in towards each other, right? It's that fucking bad. It's that bad. Well, and him bragging, he's going like, you know, I was willing to attack Obama in ways that Fox News wasn't. I'm like, that's not the brag you think it is, man.

Jesus. So this is where we get his first cry as well. He starts talking about his movies getting taken off of Amazon. It's so good. It's so good. I actually took screenshots just for my own personal enjoyment. And I have like a series. It's so good.

I was going to skip this scene because it's so useless. The only reason I brought it up is because I saw your little pictures and I'm like, well, I can't deny him this. He's gone through the effort to put a triptych in there. Yeah, I did make one a triptych in there. Yes. I did make one as a triptych. He starts to not quite cry because his movie got pulled from Amazon. And then he really does cry because he's like, I just want out.

I'm a bad father. Oh, cry. Cry now, cry. Yes, he cried. And I took a bunch more screenshots. And also, just as a quick reminder of the hellscape that we're living in, this bit where he starts crying about how all his movies were taken off of Amazon, I was watching this on Amazon.

So I just want to point that out. Absolutely. I want to talk about his set for just a second. Oh, please. Come on, man. Like this guy's set, he has like a weather app about his set for just a second. Oh please. Come on man. Like this guy's set. He has like a weather app on his set so when it's raining outside, it's raining in the studio on the windows in the studio. It's snowing outside. He's got snow. I'm like, God, this guy's set is so nice.

I feel just so much set envy and I wish I had the money to bid on it. It is so amazing and I hate him for it. I just hate him for it. I just want to say that out loud. Yeah. And then we get this clip from 2013, I guess. He started a Change.org petition to try to have Piers Morgan deported for not liking guns enough. Yeah. That is not why you should deport Piers Morgan. Thank you. There's like, yeah, there's so many good reasons.

I guarantee at the time there was a Change to all petition over here for you to keep him. No, no, no, not to here. Is Rwanda still available? Dueling petition see who gets the most signatures. You just like, yeah. Right. The British one was also about guns.

It was weird. Yeah. But, but he, I guess Piers Morgan invited him on his show. Again, like Marsha, the media was completely unprepared for this idiot. So we just see this weird clip of him berating Piers Morgan. And I'm like, man, normally I'd really enjoy this, but I can't really seem to make it just not really working for me this time. It's like when the two villains fight in a movie and you're not sure who to root for.

Yeah, right, right. But he's going like he's yelling at him as though Piers Morgan, because Piers Morgan, basically after Sandy Hook, he came out and he's like, hey, you know, maybe Americans should rethink this commitment to the Second Amendment. And he's like, Alex Jones is yelling as though Piers is in his home trying to take his guts. And this is the really shitty thing about it, because the thing is, neither of them did badly out of this. This clip, this thing going viral, helped both Alex Jones and Piers Morgan. Because they're both,

in some ways, in the same game of produce outrageous television that gets as much... Outrageous clips that gets as much virality from people who hate it as people who love it. And then you'll...profit. And they fucking do profit. So while this is two villains going at it and fighting each other in kind of this clip, they both win. Everyone loses but them. Yeah, exactly. Right.

Speaking of which, right? Like then we see clips of the Benghazi hearings and we do the Evil Hillary remix thing, which is a banger. Thank you very much. An absolute banger. There's a great clip in here too, where they're talking about Hillary and there's just, you could just see Alex Jones's scream. He's like, Biden is weaponizing the Justice Department as we speak.

And then they like pause and there's a Hillary for prison panel fan. And that's the wrong person weaponized the department all together. Whoops, that missed its cue. It was supposed to come by a little earlier. But yeah, but he explains that Trump is president because of him. He made that happen. Sure. He also said Trump's real crime was trying to actually be the president.

It's like, no, that is pretty much the only crime he didn't commit. Really? And we went through him alphabetically and yeah. Well, okay. And then he's like, but we got Trump elected and that's when they knew they had to come for me. And to visualize them coming for him, we look at some Sandy Hook headlines. Yeah.

Yeah. Really brings down the mood. Mm-hmm. And it does feel at this point like the document. I thought the document he was turning on Jones at this point. I thought, oh, okay, they've played the long game, but now they're showing him to be a monster. No, they don't.

They will completely redeem this guy by the end of this. In their minds. Okay. Did I have a fucking stroke or was this thing about Newtown starting to happen and then we get, I don't know, 30 seconds of Alex Jones with a fidget spinner being like, weeeeeeeeee! Anyway, that massacre that I now know is... Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, very weird tonal shift there. And then also the very first clip he shows is like, it's a weird bit about

him talking about how much he loves other people's children. He does say that. Yeah, that is fucking weird. He's like, I love children. I love my children. I love other people's children. I'm like, dude, whoa, slow the fuck pump the fucking brakes. At least he stayed generic. He didn't get specific like, I love eight year olds or I love... That would have been fucked. I love Terry's kids especially. Yikes.

So, yeah, but this is like in the immediate wake of the Newtown massacre and he's going, my gut tells me the White House was involved in this. And I'm like, well then shut your gut the fuck up. Yeah. And his excuse for this that he gives us is like, no, my thing is always when something happens I always look for why it could have been fake. It's not a good excuse to be like, oh it's no biggie guys. I always lie about completely fresh tragedies.

It's my thing. When murders are happening I say no. He had a very like, well come on everybody was claiming those kids were crisis actors packed they weren't dead, just me. Yeah. Nope. Fuck. And look, he said, sorry for it.

What more do you want for him to stop repeating the lies? Yeah, no, his real argument eventually is why you bring it up old shit, right? He's like, I apologize for this five or six years ago. I've said so much more outrageous shit since then. Then we cut to reports about his content being blocked. Another scene that I would have skipped had it not been for Roger Stone's headwear. It's a silly hat on. It was a black straight from his side. This was a French line. Yeah. And it's Roger Stones in that hat.

He's arguing that if they can muzzle Alex Jones, they could come for you when you defame the families of murdered kids. That's his argument. Yeah. Honestly, Marsh, I had no fucking idea because I'm with Heath. I just was like, talking when you're saying hat that loud at the same time. That was amazing. Off camera he had the white gloves on and like just before, just before this shot he was like doing the fingers to the eyes for crying and the down smiley face.

Right, right. Yes. No, it was very windy in there a moment earlier. Yeah, exactly. You doing the canoe buddy? Cool. So apparently Alex shows the argument that he's trying to make here. He's like, yeah, I was wrong about Sandy Hook, but come on, I'm a reporter. The New York Times gets

things wrong sometimes. Huh? Huh? And then we see clips of this deposition that he had to do in relation to the Sandy Hook tragedy. And the amazing thing about it is you have to imagine that every other moment of the deposition, he was getting owned harder than this. Oh my God. Yes. Yeah. Right? Like this is the least owned he got in the entire deposition. That's the only explanation of why we see him just getting repeatedly dunked on by this lawyer. And he tries to outtalk the lawyer as well.

He thinks he can outsmart the lawyer and then he absolutely doesn't. He gets absolutely murdered by him. It's brilliant. Yeah. The lawyer's just like, yep, that's the rope. Go ahead. I know your neck's big. It's going to take a while, but go ahead.

Well, and we see Rob Dew is in there as well. God, he's such a slimy prick. I hate that guy so much. Oh, I know. He's doing the same fucking shit. Hey guys, are there any text messages that would contradict something you've already said recently? Do you have any of those?

No? No? Cool. No? All right. So, we'll circle back to that. Interspersed with the deposition, we also watch him being assaulted on the streets. He just can't walk down the street

without people harassing him now. All feet thrown on him. I on the streets. He just can't walk down the street without people harassing him now. Offbeat throwing on him. It's so great because he's so mad because like he's trying to gourd this guy who's like sort of shit talking on the street. He's desperately trying to gourd the guy into punching him, but the guy only throws coffee at him and he's so, so mad about it that he then starts like gourd other people into it and he starts chasing them down the street as if he's almost going to hit them himself. Like he's kind of fallen for his own trap like Wile E. Coyote.

Right. Right. Yeah. The guy flips him off and then he just starts running at full speed after him. I'm like, why would you put that in your movie? And he's yelling as he's running full speed. He yells at the guy, you're not an intellectual. Yeah, it's amazing though, cause that guy goads him by flip off dancing. The guy's doing the two finger flip off dancing and he's like cha chaing backwards and Alex is just like, that makes me so mad. And he just runs right at it, it's amazing. My favorite part was the coffee guy,

cause he walks by, this guy has a coffee, he walks by and he's like, hey Alex Jones, you're trash. And Alex is like, you're afraid of me. And he starts running after the guy and Alex is like, fuck by he's like hey Alex Jones your trash and Alex is like you're afraid of me And he starts running after the guy names Alex is like fuck. He's coming back. I thought he was And he gets coffee poured on well And he and he pours the coffee on him out of his thermos And then they like Alex is still talking shit And then he picks up the thermos like he's gonna hit him with it and Alex cowers away from

Takes two for flinching in his own movie. And as he's saying this, they wrap that up, they wrap the deposition and he's like, oh, they're punishing me and all this is this isn't what I'm going to be remembered for. I won't be remembered as the Sandy Hook man. No, you will be, Especially if you go broke. To the extent that you're remembered. Yeah. Rob says that as well.

In his deposition, Rob says, I won't be remembered for Sandy Hook. He's like, yeah, you won't be remembered for anything. I forget you exist the second you go off screen. We literally already forgot the moment you're off screen. We don't remember you. If I hadn't written your name down on this paper, I couldn't have told you what it was. Yeah. Not a good point. Yeah. And then, and Alex is just like, all miserable about this on this paper. I couldn't have told you what it was. Yeah. Not a good point. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and Alex is just like all miserable about

this at this point. He's just going, yeah, why don't you just put me in front of a firing squad? And I'm like, you've got my attention. Yeah. Keep going. I mean, what they actually did was took the money that you made off of telling the lie from you. But that's, but I like the firing squad thing. I like that you're thinking outside the box. So then we get an actual banger of an anti Hillary tune. Yeah. The little folk tune, the little folk song that they, Tom and I got this 40 times a day for about nine weeks.

People sent this to us every second of the day. This and the glory hole song by another band that I don't know. They send, they don't, and we still get them, I would say maybe monthly we'll get two or three of this. Whether someone's like, hey, have you seen this? I'm like a hundred thousand times I've seen it. And I force myself to watch it every time somebody sends it because they'd send it. So I'm like, okay, well, I'll just watch it again. It's a really good song. It's great. It's amazing. It's just taking exact quotes from Alex Jones

and his insane rants and putting it to music. Really, really well. Good shit, yeah. I was impressed. And it's music sort of in a sort of a Mumford and Sons kind of style, which itself is quite interesting because the banjo player for Mumford and Sons left

because he got radicalized into Alex Jones conspiracy theories. Oh really? Yeah. Amazing. So yeah, so we get that and then we get Owen takes the mic for the war room segment of the show. And they just show him like, you know, he gets his contractually obligated 84 seconds

that he gets for financing one fifth of this or whatever the fuck he was doing there. But the whole time that they're showing him, he's going like, he's explaining like how to get to their show, like a bad pager contract you got in 1989 or whatever. You press two and then you wait for the second beep and you press seven, one, one. But apparently this is the point where everybody keeps banning their content and so every week they have to have a new server or some shit.

And then we get a quick little clip of Alex bringing in some takeout and opening it up and being like, who the fuck got salads? Yes! What is this? Vegetables? He's so angry. That's going to ruin my buzz. It's going to make me shit out all my booze.

I'm going to be sober again. I told you more donuts, no salads. So, but okay. So we're just pre-January 6th at this point, right? We're like the last show he's doing before they go to DC for the Unite the Right rally. And he says like, you know, they keep asking us not to incite violence. And I'm like, yeah, why would they think you might do that? You know? Yeah. There's a line where he says, we're not planning to go to DC and shoot anyone. And I wanted like a John Ronson narrator voice going like, but they did go to DC. Well, and again, because this, the whole point of this, as we're getting to at this point,

the whole point of this movie is to try to exonerate Alex Jones from his responsibility for January 6th, right? So what they're showing is him going like, we're not planning to come to D.C. to overrun the Capitol. And it's like, see, Innocent was not planning. So, OK, so the title card comes January 5th, 2021. Owen turns to the camera and he goes, tomorrow is the day that could determine the election. And I'm like, that was determined back in November.

Yeah, it's also going to determine your jail time. Yeah. Right. Right. Oh, we see Roger Stone in another ridiculous hat here as well. We do. Do you guys clock this? And it's like, Roger, you'll never be the hat guy when you got a life-size tattoo of Nixon's face on your back. You'll always be the Nixon's face guy. You're always that guy. So, yeah. So, but apparently they're doing like a late night pre-rally rally.

Alex looks so drunk. Oh my god. He looks so wasted. He's swaying in the background. He's pounding a bud and he's just swaying in the background and they're taking pictures of him. And you can tell he has the alcohol sweats while he's taking the photo. And then he comes out on stage and he's just yelling, spittle it, people. It's just... Amazing. He's trying to grab a straw in his bottle of Budweiser that's not even there with his mouth.

The first thing he does is immediately incite violence. He's been told not to. Literally the first thing he does is like, go out there and fight. Go fight. Go like, I think we should kill them. I think you should harm them as much as possible. Maybe commit sedition. I hope not that this is being the goal. Peaceful sedition. Peaceful, peaceful.

Lovingly, politically. And then, yeah. And then he ends it by trying to get everybody to chant 1776 with him, but there's literally no cadence to make that work as a shit. Try it. Like 1776. It doesn't work. And so everybody's trying. One 776. One 776. Oh, amazing. 177, the number six. But in movie, they put in some metal here. So they chant 1776 few times and then it's like, Squirreling in hell!

Squirreling in hell! So, okay. Now is the big day. It's January 6th, 2021. It's time for America's dumbest attempted coup. And we cut straight to Mike Lindell on a golf cart. Yes! Yes! Hello, guys! He's there! Yeah, it was Mike Lindell on a golf cart. Yeah. Hello, guy. A golf bookie. He's there. Yeah, it was Mike Lindell on a golf cart. So yeah, we see him getting ready for the rally.

We watched Trump yammer. Listeners, I watched Trump yammer for you. There's this great moment where he's like, oh, turn the cameras around. Show this big, great, big crowd. And I'm like, yes, anything but looking at his fucking ass. Oh, please. Right. And they're saying like, oh, just a bunch of peaceful protesters.

Let's look at them. The guys with tactical belts and masks over their faces and matching bayonet shirts. And there's, oh, there's a great moment where Donald Trump says something or another, you know, they start, they kept counting votes and it's a bunch of bullshit and everybody starts chanting bullshit, bullshit while Donald Trump is talking. Donald's talking. That's the most amazing guy. I cannot believe I've never seen that fucking clip before.

But yeah, so, but then they, they march on the Capitol, right? And we hear the chatter from the crowd as they're doing this. Again, this is all peaceful. Yes, right, right. One guy goes, they're gassing everyone out front. They weren't at that point. And another guy goes, a lot of instigators up front trying to get us to fight the cops. Yeah, but they're your instigators.

They are the shock troops of your movement. That's what they are here. And Alex does look, I mean it might be the clips that they're choosing deliberately to paint a narrative, but he does look terrified in every shot. But not because he doesn't want this to be happening, he just doesn't want to be in the middle of it when it does. He's the front line. Sure. His people see this violent, attempted overthrow of the government in front of them, right? Like it's happening right in front of them. And one of them goes, bad optics up front.

That's literally like this is their movie. This is also where we get my best worst. The protest site that says I absolutely shit you not. It just says China is asshole. And it looks like it was smeared. Like the WWE character maybe? They had to, they went out, they bought the cards for that and the pens. And then they were like, right, what am I writing?

What message do I go with? Like, I want to know what drafts they threw away. What didn't make it? What are the cutting room flaws of their craft table? You just wrote China asshole. I'll put is in the middle, right? Like off on the margin? Oh, hey, all right.

Can you make the ass backwards on is? That would be awesome. So, and then, so at this point, Alex realizes what he's done and he tries to take it back on camera, right? Yeah, it's amazing. He's like, we have to follow the permit. I put down a deposit. We got to do. Look, we got to go around the other side. Holy shit. I am never getting this $500 back. Has everyone got the lanyards? Can I have the lanyards out? You need to have the name tags up. I'll put a little rope up and you have to stand in the rope. Can I take a register? Who's got the tap on the empty keg? That's also a deposit that I'm not getting back unless I get

the tap from each one. In all seriousness though, this is this there's no time code on this video, so you don't know. But this is, I am almost positive this is after they had already broken into the rotunda. Oh, absolutely. Because there's way too many police officers in the crowd. Because when we saw that footage early, there's only a few police officers that are around the sort of the house. So they're climbing in and then they got in. But we're seeing the way they cut this edit is they show them outside and then they show Alex walking away and then they show the protesters inside.

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think that's how it was because they're fucking literally shooting tear gas bombs into the crowd while Alex is talking. Right. Right. Yeah. This is after he saw what happened and everything went to shit, he got video of him saying, let's all be peaceful. I think we should be peaceful.

Yes, yes. Yes. Also, we have to mention this. He's trying to get everybody's attention and he can't. And one of the guys turns to him and says, he says, chant at them. And he goes, you say, and they all have to stop what they're doing.

If you're ever being attacked by maggots, just start chanting us. They have to stop in response. Yeah. So stupid. They're like vampires staring into a mirror. It's amazing. Shake a bag of cat food. Yeah.

Yeah. But then we see the media blaming him even though he told them about his deposit, right? And he's like, you know, the last thing we wanted was violence. And I'm like, well, except for the violent ones. He's like, a very small number of people. I Googled it. They arrested 1500 and they didn't get all of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And also the guy Schreuer, I think Heath mentioned at the beginning of the program, he pleaded guilty to entering the restricted area near the United States Capitol building during the January 6th attack. So like that like one of his fucking producers was inside. Yeah. And that guy was already banned from a bunch of areas because he had already reached them on an earlier day While he was being a crazy asshole. Yep. Yeah

Well, and then Alex Jones tries to pull off this bullshit I've seen this from January 6th defenders in the past where he's saying like, you know Our crime is really the cops fault for not having enough cops to stop our cry Literally his argument. Am I not being detained? Yeah. That is a bold defense. You should be detaining me right now.

We outnumbered them and that's their fault. Yeah, that's his thing. But he says, he's like, look, we didn't plan this and the idea that we planned it is disgusting. And I'm like, hey, look, nobody is accusing you idiots of planning. Or I guess some people are whatever. but what you do Alex Jones as you carelessly endanger people with lies and then pretend that the consequences don't count because you didn't say to Someone go do this. Yeah Right, that's the defense. He's trying to offer at this point. Yeah, he also claimed he's like, okay Here's what happened. It was a beautiful day of love. We were doing Zazen together and singing songs.

And then provocateurs stormed the capital. Antifa. Yeah. Yeah. To be clear, not mentioned. Jones was in contact with those exact provocateurs ahead of time. Yes. They're called the Proud Boys. We know about that from trials. Yup. And from video, actually.

There's video of a Proud Boys leader, Joe Biggs, he got 17 years for seditious conspiracy, and now full pardon, and he says like, we'll merge with Alex as they're coming in and we'll do our shit. And there's a bunch of very clear evidence of like texts back and forth between Alex Jones and hate group leaders. So yeah, right. Right. It's important to know any Alex Jones in fairness, it's a very common name.

It could be any. You can't be certain. It's this Alex Jones. This Alex Jones was calling for peace. I mean, he didn't see that on video. So that's just the thing too, is that as feeble as this defense is, it's also a lie. Right? Yeah. So, okay. And then listeners, I'm as feeble as this defense is, it's also a lie. Right? Yeah.

So, okay. And then listeners, I'm just going to read the notes directly to you here. Normally I don't do this, but Marsh has written, because he was the first one to watch the movie this time, Marsh has written, slow pan over dot dot dot. Okay. I have no idea what city this is. You have too many cities and they have too few distinguishing features. Okay.

Sorry we don't have a quaint cottage for you to recognize. It's Austin. Okay, it's Austin. Cecil wrote that and I wrote, sorry for having a country the size of your fucking continent. Okay. Continent. 1776. U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A.

Squinting an L. Bald eagle. So then we cut back to image. What's that? Squint in the nail. Ha ha ha ha. Bald eagle. So then we cut back to Infowars headquarters in Austin. Why though? Why? Why did we cut back? The movie's over.

It's over. It should be done. It's so done. It's so done. They show us this little fucking framed yarn and pushpin map that has the Bilderberger group, the Council Council of Foreign Relations and the Trilateral Commission at the top. And then just lions going down like a Rico chart to media organizations. Yeah, it says American Empire and its media.

That's the title of this dumbass poster. I just want to be clear. Part of the evil empire, besides what Noah mentioned, is the cartoon. Part of the evil empire besides what Noah mentioned is the cartoon net The Sun newspaper which is a real blow to the British Department of the American Empire Yes, okay So he's starting one last episode of his stupid fucking show and we've left a lot of this out They've put a lot of clips of him starting his stupid fucking show

But this is the day of Biden's inauguration. And I guess he's going to like play Biden's inauguration speech while roasting it MST 3K style. Yes. He says that Biden looks like a corpse. And I wrote Alex now is not the time to be pointing out who looks like a corpse. Yeah, you look like they only managed to fish you out of the river two weeks too late to say that's what you look like they only managed to fish you out of the river two weeks too late to say, that's what you look like right now. At one point, Alex says, look at Biden and his fake hair blown in the wind. Right. And Joe Biden is an old man who's balding and that's visibly what is happening in the thing we're looking at.

So Alex Jones thinks Joe Biden has a wig that intentionally resembles late stage balding on purpose. It's just a little Receiving hairline. Yeah. Why would a Trump supporter talk about another person's fake looking hair? But that's why isn't it? Because they have to sort of throw every insult back. They have to use every insult on the people they disagree with.

Yeah. I guess that is that they, yep, that's where fake news came from, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So but then, okay, because this movie refuses to be over. Suddenly we're out in the woods with Alex Jones and his son, Rex. We film in the back of a golf cart and it is the the shakiest footage I have ever seen.

Whose idea? This is awful to look at. This moment in the movie might have been my favorite, though, because he's driving his dumbass golf cart out into his woods where he has a shooting range and the person next to him, I think it's Rex, his son is like, hey, you're going a little fast, there's bumps coming up, hey, there's bumps, blam! And he- He slips, Rex!

That's so hard! But not before he says, oh, I've got this and then, yeah. And they cut right from that to the gun range. Well, and then, well, we cut first to Rex. Rex, who's wearing a bulletproof vest, by the way. I don't know why he's doing that. Certainly, it's irrelevant given the gun they're using. Oh, I know.

Yeah, the bullets they show us right after we see the vest are, it's like, intercontinental ballistic bullets in a rifle. This is a Barrett.50 caliber. This is a sniper, one of the big sniper rifles that they would use if you're trying to shoot somebody that's like a mile away. And also is an elephant. Right. So, but I also, as they're heading out to their big fucking gun, Rex turns to the camera

and he's like, yeah, that's one thing about my dad. He loves to be in nature. And immediately Alex Jones is like, shut up, Rex. That's stupid. No one wants to hear your stupid bullshit again. Shut the fuck up. Everybody hates you, especially me. That makes sense. Now the bulletproof vest makes sense.

OK, all right, fair. Got it. Also, so they go out, they get their fucking cannon and they're firing it. They're dummy. That's like 18 feet away. It's like six feet away. He used to have a gun that's made to shoot like a half a mile away. He's shooting it. It's like you're plinking cans with a fucking 22 close to it.

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Also, just want to point out that gun is moving Alex Jones back. Because you saw how big that is. I was thinking, God, if Mars shot that gun, he'd shoot across a road. Right. It would just shoot. It would be like a catapult.

It would just shoot him so far back. He'd wind back up in England. Like, he'd wind back up there. 17, 17. Yeah. But also, I want to point out, we get a close up of the dummy that they're shooting at. Not a lot of bullet holes in that guy.

Nope. Late in their session. Nope. All right. So and then we see him. He's like, this is a clip from one of his fucking stupid Not a lot of bullet holes in that guy. Nope. Late in their session. Nope. Alright, so and then we see him, he's like, this is a clip from one of his fucking stupid movies or whatever. He's filming a sunset and he goes, is this the sun setting on democracy or is it rising

on an awakened people? And we're like, well, you're shooting a sunset, man. Yeah. It's a sunset, you fucking idiot. Well, it's setting on whatever. You got to start with the verb that's happening. It's like he thinks that every sunset is like the sunrise of the next day. Like he's forgotten night.

Like he's forgotten his night. The suns are like rivers. They go from the front. Fuck, Rob, what's a river and what's the sun? Is this an obelisk? So and then he, like at the end, he's like desperately scrabbling for a profound thing to say to close things off.

And it's like watching Heath try to dance. It's so uncomfortable. It's the best. At a certain point. He talks about what makes him happy. All the things that make him happy. And it's like a hair's breadth short of a, so Alex, what makes your perfect Sunday? It really is.

It really, genuinely is. I love it. Because, like, he couldn't figure out how to end his dumb ass movie and like, I get it. How the fuck do you end that? So he goes with improv with the word infinity sort of. And he's like, yeah, my favorite moments in life. My favorite, my favorite little Sunday is feeling that Zen understanding timelessness,

those moments in eternity of endless we're infinity. The end. Can I get a job from the audience every day? You guys buy my company for me and hire me? Right. So he finally did have an ending, but then he was like, no, I want to say one more thing. I spread lies to millions of people from a place of good. I forgive me.

Now the end. And that's literally the end. I forgive me. The end. All right. Well, I just had to watch Alex Jones try to do wisdom. So I'm fucking done. But Cecil Marsh, thank you so much for coming on.

Oh, so much fun. Thanks guys. And one last reminder. If you want to hear more from Marsh and Cecil, be sure to check the show notes for links to the No Rogan Experience. That's K.N.O.W. Rogan. Again, linked in the show notes. Fantastic show. It really is.

It's a genuinely fun show, too. So and of course, that does it for our review of Alex's War. But that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to go back around to the end of the line. So Heath, tell us what's on deck. We're going to be watching the earth thing movie. Oh, that's, that's a thing you can do. It's an activity called earthing touching. It's dirt. It's touching dirt. It is that. Yep. The movie touching during the movie. There's magical stuff that might. All right. Well, with magical dirt

touching to look forward to, we're going to bring episode four ninety one to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Cecil and Marsh for our help out today and perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation of Patreon dot com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scaling of the citation needed, D&D minus and the Skype program available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or

cinematic suggestions, you can email Goddalf from movies. Gmail dot com Tim Robinson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotkin, the Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Mark Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heath Enright and Eli Bosnic.

I'm Noah Lucius, promise to work hard to earn another check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Glove close. CTE went on to have the biggest podcast in the world. Fuck. Rex would go on to nobody gives a fuck. Never mind. Alex Jones would go on to serve as Secretary of State in President Donald Trump's third term. Oh, god damn it.

Don't put that name in front of me. Once the fire sale was complete, Dan and Jordan from Knowledge Fight finally got Alex Jones's desk. I like yours. I hate Marsh. You did a happy one. Marsh's is bad. Yours was bad.

Marsh's is bad. You deserve that for the 1776. You deserve that. England finally gets their revenge. Keith, thanks for that enthusiastic and great, great show. I noticed that you've never done that for any of my other shows that I've mentioned on here that was really enthusiastic. Have I not? Am I not enthusiastic about your other shows?

Cogniz is awesome. Lothal Assembly is awesome. Everyone's a critic. Come on. Seasoned liberally as bullshit. Amazing. Amazing. He's never even done a facilitation. Cooking, that's also his show. It was interesting. It's weird. Not a fan. Citation. Alright, and Interstitial 2.

Are these Gangsters 2? No, these are Illuminati operatives. I see. Okay. Alright. And I'm like Illuminati boss of two operatives. Right? Yeah. Okay. But they're uncontrollable. They're rogues. They're you know, what just play it however you want I'm gonna go with gangster

You got to bring the maverick gangster energy for sure both I did write you as gangster in the airfilters ad seesaw. Oh, okay. Well, maybe I'll just not do that then. I'll do there. Yeah, I'll do weird Which is my regular voice? The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2025 all rights reserved