God Awful Movies - 532: Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible: Adam and Eve

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

This week, Marcus and Deanna from Wrath of Pod join us for an atheist review of Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible: Adam and Eve. It's the first in a series of cartoons meant to sanitize the Bible's timeless stories by changing them in random and LSD inspired ways. --- Learn more about Vulgarity for Charity here! https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/vulgarity-for-charity --- Check out Deanna and Marcus's show, Wrath of Pod, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wrath-of-pod/id1809703110 --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation to this show and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/ Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/

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Doesn't that seem like the most sensible response to this idiot? Give me a rag, give me a rag, give me a rag, stop. No, wet it. God damn it. Oh, not like that. But. God-awful movie. Movies.

Movies. Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema or the voices will come again. I'm your host, No Illusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath. And right, Heath. welcome back. They're coming again either way. Thank you, Noah. Yeah, that's very excited to be here.

We're talking about Genesis. Let's do it. Yeah, and sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend, Eli Bosnick, Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? In a world where you're joined by fellow podcasters who know as well the Bible as bad as you do. That was a tortured construction of a sentence, but you made it. You made it. And I'm also excited to welcome him.

Give me a second. He's going to say that's the problem. He started to interrupt you. switch to a yode of rice in the middle and then i was working so well let him cook and i'm also excited to welcome in to brand new guest masochist marcus and diana are the host of the wrath of pod a podcast concept so exceptional i'm just going to let them tell you what it is but first diana marcus welcome to god awful movies thanks thanks so much so tell us about your show yeah so our show wrath of pod basically imagines a world in which the bible as a book never happened it was never released as a book

Instead, it's being released now as a sort of like a streaming service, like on HBO Max or Netflix. It's basically just as it is, but it's streaming. And we're reacting to that episode by episode. We're kind of the snarky after show. So we talk about all of the insane plot points and the bizarre choices that the characters make. We bring in some behind the scenes gossip. We always talk about the really weird names and celebrity cameos. and so join us to go through every episode of the Holy Bible show.

Fuck, yeah. And I haven't had a chance to listen to it myself. I hear from, I have an good authority that is quite bingeable. It is. So, okay, before we get going today, also I want to remind everybody that we were right in the middle of our annual Vulgarity for Charity Fundraiser. We are raising money for recovering from religion,

a fantastic charity that does great work, helping people traumatized by their faith. And if that's not enough reason for you to donate, and it should be, we also might tell your brother-in-law to go fuck himself. Find out more by clicking the Vulgarity for Charity tab at recovering from religion.org. And with that out of the way, tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched greatest heroes and legends of the Bible, the Garden of Eden. It's the story of not the Garden of Eden from the Bible.

They just made up a bunch of shit here. It's a cartoon that's supposed to be about that. A lot of different stuff. This story is like a hundred years away from being burned at the stake for telling this version of the Bible. I mean, there are parts of the fucking world where you'd get burned at the stake for it now. And Eli, other than able to get you burned at the stake in some parts of the world, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the traumatizing biblical cartoons of your youth, but you wish its plot was faked through like an unprepared student doing a book. report on the back cover of what he was supposed

to be reading, you will love this movie, and I do. I love this movie. When I started to watch the movie, I was like, oh, cartoon, like, I'm not sure there's going to be enough. I got zero seconds into this thing before I was like, oh, there is enough.

There's going to be enough. We will be fine. Before the cartoon, I have 400 notes, yes. Okay, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best, to be in the worst hat? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst serpent doing bits like a lot of like i'm going to say best worst robin williams attempt yes whoever was playing the serpent in this movie they saw aladdin and they did not understand

any of the references from robin williams doing voices as the genie and the guy from this movie was like lots of voices for no reason got it that's the one that's what i will do for this whole movie he clearly like the whole point here was he was like i will do the movie but i will be doing all my voices. Including the problematic ones. Oh, yes. Mostly the problematic ones. Especially the problematic ones.

Yeah. And Marcus, did you have a best worst for us? I did. Yeah. For me, it's best, worst way of getting children excited about your cartoon at the beginning by starting with an old man in a suit talking down to you. Fantastic. That's how you get the kids. In the most ostentatious

room imaginable? Yeah, it's great. So, Yeah, did you have a best worst? Yeah, mine is also about the serpent. I'm going with best worst villain monologue. The serpent talks to Eve and he goes, oh, so Adam told you not. Who told you not to eat of the fruit? And Eve's like, well, Adam did?

And the serpent goes, oh, did he now? And he's like, yeah, he did. And the serpent goes, oh, Adam told you not to eat of the fruit. Did he? And he's like, yes, he did. This goes on for like five minutes. I don't understand our dynamic, great. If anyone wants to know what it's like when I try and fail to gaslight Heath in our working relationship, it's that conversation shit.

Me being like, is it though? Yes, I wrote it down. Oh. Yep. Yes. Okay. It's both here and there. However, attempted villain monologue is now my new band name.

Ooh, fantastic. That's a good name. All right. So I guess I'll be the first to do fuck stuff. best worst Christian jerk material Okay, so this This cartoon was clearly made With the knowledge that for some repressed

Young Christians This was going to be the closest to porn They were ever going to get Right, and so there are just several moments Where this movie winks at you And it's like, no, go ahead, get your dick out Go ahead, it's fine. Pause it here, jerk it off, do it, enjoy yourself. And I'm going to go with, I know we've talked about it already

But I do need to touch on it again best, worst, not in the Bible. Look, I get it. You're telling a story from the Bible, and you got to tell it for kids, so you soften certain elements, you change certain elements. Maybe you tell the story

in a slightly roundabout way. I'm not talking about whether or not like Kane killed Abel with a rock or a stick. I am talking about elephant footprints are the cause of turtles levels of non-sensical. Wacky shit that happens here. Yeah, some Aesop's level shit happens in this goddamn.

damn cartoon. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we've got a Bible to punch up on the other side of this break, so we're going to keep it brief, and when we come back, we'll dive into all the biblical accuracy that isn't. Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible, the Garden of Eden. Okay, what about your shoes, Marcus? Your shoes look nice. No, man. You can't have our shoes. Hey, guys. You ready to record the show? And not really. Eli's trying to take our stuff. Damn it, Eli. Did somebody tell you about the economy again? Okay, first of all, that lady is why I am never going back to Chucky Cheese, but no, I want some cool and original gifts for the holidays this year,

and what better selection than the actual clothes of our guest masochists? I mean, think about it. Eli, if you want great gifts for the holidays without buying the same old stuff from big box stores, you should try uncommon goods. What's uncommon goods? Uncommon goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality fines that you won't see anywhere else. But do they have gifts for the whole family?

Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs, and diehard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners, you'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. That actually sounds great. It is.

And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date. That's incredible. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out for the holiday season.

Don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to Uncomndogoods.com slash awful. That's UncommonGoods.com slash awful for 15% off. Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary. All right, Noah, thanks. I guess you guys can keep your shoes after all.

You learned about the economy at Chucky Cheese? He thought that the tokens were real. gold. I was misled by the rat. No, I don't think you were. You weren't there. All right, everyone, welcome to the first ever writer's room meeting for greatest heroes and legends of the Bible, the Garden of Eden. So for this episode in our series, we're going to be tackling one of the most essential and famous stories of the Bible, the Garden of Eden. Now, before we jump in, I want to thank Steve for bringing in those brownies. I think we're all going to write better thanks to all that fudgy deliciousness that we had.

You guys ate the brownies in the break room? No, we sure did, man. They were great. Those were pot brownies. I was bringing them to my cousin. The brownies had drugs in them? Who just eats brownies they see lying around? Yes, they did.

No, no, no. It's worse than that, man. How can it be worse than that? well I thought they were normal brownies so I dropped acid like LSD Yeah just two drops per brownie Jesus Christ

Yeah that's gonna be a lot Okay Well I guess I guess we can still write the movie though Right it'll be fine I'm not feeling this too much The snake pulls a scale off and it turns into blood Okay Okay

Okay and we're back for the breakdown of this cartoon but we're not going to start off with cartoon we're going to start off with Egyptian artifacts and a globe and just a bunch of stuff that says erudition right like you want your cartoons hell yeah and it looked like they filmed this in a rug store because if you look they're all I counted four rugs on the floor and a fifth on the wall yes and also one rug in the form of Charlton Heston's the human being. Yes, his hair is incredible.

It like moves independently of his head. I don't know how they managed it. Like he has to catch up with it. Right, right, yeah, exactly. He's clipping through his own hair, yeah. It's like a layer in a video game that's just not mesh. He's very much in his natural environment that I would expect. When you say like, oh, Charlton Heston's going to be there, I'd be like, okay, we're in a museum

layer with too many rugs, probably some problematic ones. And we are. We really are. We are. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I wrote in my notes. Charlton Heston, possibly the OG disappointingly religious actor, everybody.

Also, I'm sorry, I have to point this fucking thing out in the background while Charlton Heston is talking to us. He's doing the, like, oh, I didn't see you there thing. And there is a copper engraving with a very prominent schlong, and it's just crazy that he's not acknowledging there's a dick over my shoulder at any point. Is there a dick almost touching my mouth in the framing? You know, one just gently prodding at my cheek. I hope so.

Can we talk about Charlton Heston's, oh, I didn't see you there that he keeps doing for the entire like eight minutes that he's talking? He keeps talking to like a different invisible person every half sentence or so. And they had to like put cameras everywhere, I guess, to like catch it each time. Eventually they had like a half circle of them. Yeah, he keeps like switching angles. It looks like he's fidgeting. It's like he has to go to the bathroom. It's like he's the guy who can't hold it through this introduction.

and he has to keep, like, shifting in his chair. Or, or what, maybe that's what it is, is you just had to keep peeing between every sentence. He's like, got to pee again. We'll take another take. I'll be looking at a different direction. So, yeah. And then, okay, so here's how rich this is with material.

We haven't even gotten to what the fuck he's saying yet, right? So he's like, now, if you've ever thought a sunrise was pretty, you probably can't help but be moved by the story of Genesis. And I'm like, I think we can help it, Chuck. What? Like, is it that the breeze comes over? hair and I think to myself, man, this is just like when God made the wind

over the water without light or the planets yet. And then that lady betrayed us all. Yeah. Every time. So he goes, he's like, people have always tried to solve the mystery of creation. Here's one of the dumbest takes.

And he says, lots of scientists think the world is created by a big bang, but what made the explosion? And I wrote, I mean, it wasn't too naked people in a garden Chuck? No, it was a giant floating eyeball.

Weren't you paying attention? Obviously, obviously. The I am Sauron, but the whitewashed version, yeah. There will be a cyclops god. I didn't remember that from the Bible, for sure. They did not pay attention. You got to pay a god in a sunclown.

Apparently, they cast that eyeball from the back of the dollar bill to play the part of God in this movie for whatever reason. I have the same note, the dollar bill called it's biting off its style. It's not. about it. Interesting.

Yeah, but I think the Illuminati connection is probably pretty apt here. Oh, right. Christianity is a Jewish connection. Yeah. There you go. And then he's like, Charles Nestin, he's like, you know, and everything was great in Eden until the

serpent came along. And I'm like, spoilers. Yeah, seriously. You can tell us the whole story? You're ruining it. He also says something here that I'm very curious about. He goes, we're not sure why the serpent wanted Eve to eat the apple. And I wrote, that's what you're not sure about Charlton Nesting?

That's the part of the story that doesn't quite add up for you. I also thought he's coming dangerously close to self-awareness there, Charlton. That bit of uncertainty. Yes, yes. Actually, it doesn't make any fucking sense at all if you think about it. And the writers of this atrocity did not think to make up a reason. They made up so much other random shit that didn't actually happen in the Bible for the sake of this children's movie.

But that one, this big plot point, like they just did not have the creativity to come up with something to cover that. Including Cyclops God. That was interesting at least. Yeah. By the way, I looked up Charlton Heston. He had, in real life,

Q-level clearance for about six years because he... What? He apparently worked for the DoD, the Department of War now. Maybe it was defense back then. And he acted out instructional videos about nuclear.

technology so he was like the narrator voice was like oh hello there you spread the rainium on the thing with the uranium like red some butter and then stick it into the whatever yeah he did that for six years oh god please tell me those are declassified at this point

oh please somebody put those on YouTube somebody out there please put those on YouTube I'm begging you please tell me he started with in this room doing this two and a half monologue yes exactly I'd love to be in the room for that You'll notice the carpet behind me is on fire.

That stinks to Uranium 432. Yeah, right. So, okay, so then just as you're trying to get your head around this whole weird, bizarre thing that's happening, Charlton Heston says, we're going to go on the journey together. But don't worry, my good friend Simon will be with you. And we're like, the fuck? And it shows us cartoon Simon with cartoon Gimel the Camel. Yeah.

He's been waiting in the void for us and the universe. the void we learned that right away like this guy was just like hell thank god somebody showed up fucking hanging out in the void with this camel forever and i have been beyond madness for an eternity i'm so glad you guys are here that's gonna be the narrator yeah so yeah so but simon says he's like oh hello there i also didn't see you there we are at the beginning of time itself and i'm like well then how are you there makes no fucking sense because it's meta because there's a narrator and then the narrator introduces another narrator and it's just narrators all the way down are you keeping up kids big bangs and turtles all the way down we're going to learn about

turtles yes yep so okay so but then we see we we actually we get the you know the first of the two incompatible creation stories that the book of jenesis opens with and we actually see the these poor animators try to draw god's face moving upon the waters yes exactly and i i want to point out that like when we talk about oh this movie makes stuff up it's not the impossible task of God's face moving upon the waters before planets and oceans and land exists it's gonna get way wackier but this first attempt is so pathetic he goes

God created the sky and I'm like really Simon what were we watching you in before and he's like shut the fuck question for the room here did everyone find God's vibes to be way more sexual than you expected about creating like plants and air. Okay.

Was he not interesting. Oh, yeah, God was flirting with those fucking sunflowers, right? Yeah, oh my God. The scene with the sunflowers is so trippy. It's like Disney's Fantasia, and then they like photocopied it a hundred times, and I don't even know what happened next. And then they kill the sunflowers. Okay, that was crazy.

He blasts it with a laser, and all of their heads tear off. Literally, we watch a sunflower be like, you chop my fucking hat. Oh, it's cool. Well, and it is, it is. It's like the sunflowers are clearly not into it, right? It's not like, oh, I've been freed from my stock. It's like, hey, what the fuck did you just do? Yes.

And then they fly up into the air, and I paused it to confirm. Then those sunflowers form a swastika. Unmistakable swastika. An unmistakable swastika. A Celtic Hindu cross, Eli. Of severed sunflower heads. And I think that's supposed to be how the sun was created. Yes, they turn into the sun.

So that's the level of shit that they make up in this movie, right? So then God's like, they're like on the third day, God created the sun. And we watch him do that by decapitating sunflowers with smiley faces and forming those into the sun. And just as a coincidence, that type of flower ended up being named the sunflower later. Yeah, and that came off to he actually said, you're a lovely little thing. It's like, you're a lovely little thing. Let me decapitate you now. right right yeah exactly yeah it's like partly sexual vibes and partly like buffalo bill like serial killer

yeah yeah equal parts so and then it's like you know and on the fifth day god made the sea creatures and i'm like well did he do it in an insane fucking way and they're like sure did blew them all out of an orca's blow a hole he he did yes a whale appears and shoots all other fish out of its blowhole yes right And then those fish are swimming around, and then sharks apparently get made after that. Sharks chase the little fish and the little fish are running away. And they're like, no, it's cool. We're tigers now because they run onto a beach and they're immediately tigers. Yeah.

When they turned into tigers and ran onto the beach, I wrote in my notes. At least they don't believe in something silly like evolution, though. Am I right? Yeah. This is what happens when you cancel evolution in public schools and also when you have watched the little mermaid on acid. clearly i kept like just waiting for ariel to show up they have these like snappy clams under the water that are clearly doing a rhythm and they're like we're just waiting we're waiting for our cute come on like when's the music and stuff come on you guys this is where the elephant

footprints turn into the turtles as well what weird choices this cartoon it's a circle of life wrong wrong disney cartoon sorry it's just it's just all bad and they forgot to show when god was putting the dinosaur skeleton in the ground just to fuck with all of the future humans. That's what I was waiting for. Right. Oh, I wrote that I wrote and then God age the carbon just as a fun prank. Right.

But then the narrator cuts in and says, and I quote, on the sixth day, God had another idea. All right, day six, I got a sweet, nobody's here. All right, just brainstorming talking birds so they can talk to me about my sweet ideas. There you go. Cool. Can we talk about these crows for a second? because there's this trio of crows. I think they're the crows from Dumbo

because they just mashed up all the Disney movies. They're the only black characters and the very first thing that we see happen is that a very white God chases them away from their real estate.

Oh my God. He gentrifies that dust patch, doesn't he? Yeah, they're like pecking around in the dust and God says stand back. And like, I need this pack of dust. His actual quote is

to a fucking bunch of crows, God says, gentlemen, please step back a few paces. Why does God need them to stand back? Can he not aim his golden shower properly? God was standing his ground. Oh no. It's a crazy, there

are so many crazy implications about things that this God needs to happen in order to create the world. And then again, about Genesis, the creation story that is foundational to the Bible, this cartoon, Just fucking wings, God saying, golden flames of life, I command you. Which I cannot emphasize enough is not at all in the Bible.

No. Also, but yeah, the omnipotent God being like, also, I need you to scooch is kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to ask them to move. Your fucking God, you could like make them disappear or turn them into a pot of geraniums and a surprise-looking whale. Like, you could do fucking anything. But no, it's like, excuse me.

Or, you know, it else you could do is use different fucking dust. needed that particular fucking dust because he picks up the dust and he turns into a fucking dust tornado. He carries the dust tornado a mile and a half down the road and he assembles Adam there. Is that in the Bible? I mean, he's made a dust. Yes. A dust tornado? Yes, the Tasmanian devil is definitely in the Bible. That was in the Bible. God loves a show and he could have easily just clicked his fingers had man appear but he's like, you know what, I feel like I need some Tasmanian devil energy in this area, and here we go. Yeah, you kind of expect Adam to come out, like, snarling like the Tasmanian devil.

You're like, Adam, I've created you. That would have been fantastic. Yeah. But we also see a bunch of the other animals that are already there, and it's like, they're clearly in, like, African safari land. And he's like, all right, I'll make a white guy now. And we see white Adam pop out. Yeah, his head specifically.

He starts in the head, and then he has like a tornado covered up his junk. Well, so, okay, so there's going to be a lot of Austin powering around his junk at the beginning of this. Less and less as we go, though, right? They come closer and closer to showing us his Ken Patch as we go. Yeah. But the dust swirling draws a crowd of animals together, right? So they all, like, they all watch him, and they're all, like, stare and right at his dick in the cartoon, right? No idea why the animators chose to do that.

But then God's like Adam, and Adam's like, I don't even know that's my fucking name yet, man. Yeah, he goes, is that my name? And he's like, I mean, if you didn't know it was your name, why did you turn an answer to it? Relax. You don't have to do a fucking robot that just became aware bit. And it was at this point that I actually realized, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I actually was thinking about giving the show some props because I noticed Adam doesn't have a belly button at this point. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, they thought this through. No umbilical cord. Why would he have a belly button? But then about a third of the way through, it suddenly appears. The animators decide, oh, actually, we meant to put that in and start putting that in. Yeah, oh, it was just laziness, wasn't it? Yeah.

They just got lucky. Yeah. It's canonical Bible. So. Adam has a belly button. So, and then, but then God is like super braggy. He's like, yeah, maybe you've noticed the trees. That was V.

I did trees. That was, I'm pretty proud of that. Not mountains, though? Happy trees. Happy little Tracy. But then God disappears. He Batman's Adam for some reason. Adam's like, another, oh, okay, he's gone.

Yeah, so finally I have someone to talk. Wait, where are you? Got like four sentences explaining all of the universe, but that's cool. And then he took a day off, right? Simon cuts into explaining that God took the day off immediately after creating Adam, like Victor fucking Frankenstein. And before that, part of this conversation from Adam and God, is God says, I've created you in my image.

And then Adam says, the only intelligent thing that he says in this entire movie is, but I don't look like you. You're an eye from the back of the dollar of bill. You mean a sun sideclops? You're the eye of Sauron and I look like a Ken doll, like what's going on? And God's response to this is, looks can be deceiving. Also, shut up. I'm taking a day off after.

How can looks be deceiving about what? something looks like though right like that's not how that works yeah so yeah so but he takes a day off so we watch adam austin powering his way through the through the wilderness presumably looking for a help meet also can i just say how much better would this movie have been with the austin power soundtrack while he's doing this you get to like just like replay the whole thing and put that on in the background it will fix everything i promise we have this weird by again there's no reason for this, this weird montage where Adam's trying to figure out what

animal skills he has. He sees a bird flying and he can't fly. He sees a bear catch fish and he can't catch fish and the animals all gather around to give him everyone's special in their own way pep talk. It's fucking bizarre. Yeah, it's totally weird.

I wanted when he was trying to fly, I was like, helicopter your dick! No, sadly. That totally worked. This is the time we see the frog eat the fly. Every other animal has had a little moment that scene where they speak to the camera or whatever and say their little story. I didn't get the flies before he was digested savagely by the frog. Great point. And I just, again, I hesitate to give any praise to this show, and I think this was accidental, but there's this visual pun where

Adam is walking naked past a bunch of bears. And I'm like, ah, I get, because he's bare, right? Because he's naked and the bear and the bear. Yeah. If he was later behind a cock or something like that I might think that was you know what they should have they should have done it but no they got yeah and then so so he turns to god and he's like god i haven't figured out what i'm useful at you know especially since in this world all the other animals can talk and shit and god says actually your job is to take care of everything in the garden and he's like i'm one day old man fuck well actually it's weirder than that he goes okay and then immediately goes to sleep yeah at which I wrote in my notes, Heath, are you Adam from the Bible?

Tell us. Also, he is 100% getting a blowjob from a rabbit at this point. Yep. Because the Austin powers of this moment is that he's lying down and sleeping on the grass while all of the other animals are standing around watching, and there is a rabbit position directly in front of his dick. Yeah. See, that's why you got to get to the animal circle around Adam early.

Otherwise, you've got to be dick covered. And there's one hanging creature. This is an actual informational question. about this movie, there's one creature that is hanging from its tail from a branch as they're all like announcing that they do different things. What the fuck is that supposed to be? Is that a monkey? Is it like a, it's like an opossum? I think it was supposed to be a lemur, but yeah, right. It was, it was weird because everything else is like, you know, zebra giraffe, elephant, moose or whatever, like, you know, the stuff that you would give to a kid on the, like, you know, the, what,

you know, what sound does this make toy or whatever? And then, yeah, this, we're weird ass fucking thing. Also, as we're moving on and on. So, like, this, we get to where Adam wakes up the next day. And this movie is getting closer and closer to showing us his dick. Like, at this point, we know that he manscapes when he wakes up, right? Yeah. And this is also where, like, the movie fully, like, the acid starts to kick in, I think, at

this point, right? Because this is where he looks in the reflection, his reflection in the water, and he sees a bunch of hymns, and he's like, will you play with me? And they all start talking to him. Yeah. And singing. There's like a barbershop quartet of reflections. He says, what is your name?

And they go, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam. Yeah, he is like, he is so stupid. He does not know what a reflection is. And this is immediately before he says there's no one to talk to. You do. He just chatted with eight reflections. He's not the brightest. And also like a moose and a frog and a bear.

All the animals can talk. It's so weird for him to be talking about moping about how there's nobody to talk to it this in this weird maybe he was expecting to see a sun sidewalks and the reflection yeah right oh he's just like okay well this is weird he's such a teenager though he's like i'm so bored everything sucks it's no fun taking care of the garden like dude thing one you've done literally nothing to take care of the garden a thing too there are talking animals around if it was just like talking animals and acid trippy talking reflections i would never be bored again in my life right yeah he even he's going like he's like this is no fun everything's

perfect and I'm like well it's that those two don't match right but but then a very bassy moose tells him to go talk to god about it right so he goes tells god that he's lonely and god says go to sleep man and I'm like dude what okay did Adam not say hey god I'm super lonely and then immediately lay back and open his legs up there's that rabbit was I crazy pretty sure that's happened. It's funny if all of you are like, no, weirdo, but I'm pretty sure I wish I'd read your notes over before we podcasted. I would have texted everybody, I need you to know and this really hard on hair. But then, but so he wakes up from, from God putting him to sleep there and he sees Eve standing there with her hair conveniently draped over her boobie.

In a cloud of bong smoke as well. Like the whole scene gets really smoky like you're inside of hookabar and then Eve like appears from behind the hill. Yeah. And she honestly, I know it's just that they're bad animators, but when he introduces himself, she looks as uninterested as the girl from the uninterested girl meme. She really does.

He might as well be shouting an inch from her face. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And then he goes, oh, you're in the garden eating. It's great.

There's so much to do. And we're like, you were just talking about how there's nothing to fucking do. You fucking liar. No, but you know when like you find the only hot girl in your hometown and all of a sudden you're really, trying to sell them on speedies

and skate his thing. I get it, I get it. All right. Eli, I would like to hold you in the light right now. Beefleton, Marcus, Deanna, please leave. Defying gravity. Okay, we're all here for you. Thank you.

Well, now you're making it awkward that I'm about to do the throw, right? Because we're leaving for him. All right, well, I think that these two could use a little alone time, by which I mean Adam and Eve, not Heath, and Eli. So we're to take a quick break.

Well, those two. Yeah, those two. Everybody. But we'll back in a minute with even more of greatest heroes and legends of the Bible, Adam and Eve. Time of My Life. I wasn't sure what you were singing, so I went with time of my life. I don't sing very well. It's hard to.

It's wicked. Stupid. And the meme. It's not Hammer and Dongs? Why would it be Hammer and Dongs? That's what I keep telling him. Hey, you guys ready to do. to keep doing the show?

Oh, hey, Eli, you look, let's say, layered? Yeah, when you said you wanted to grab a bite after the show, I wasn't sure what you meant, or, like, what kind of dress it would be, like how formal or what the weather would be like. So I just brought all my clothes and wore them. Like the Friends episode? Friends doesn't own wearing all the clothes heath.

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Go to quince.com for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash awful. Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash awful. All right, guys, thanks. I guess I'll go get out of these clothes. Yeah, you might want to shower, too.

That'd be great. Am I sweaty? Yeah, like really sweaty. Thank you, Marcus. A yes would have been fine. Could you be any more sweaty? How dare you? I'm just saying, if it's swelling, you should get it checked out.

Okay, but not in a bad way. How could it not be in a bad way? Adam, Eve, it is I, God. Where have you been, Lord? Yes, the sun has set and risen since we saw you last. Indeed, for it was the seventh day of creation, and I rested. You rested, like, slept? Yes.

So, you need to sleep? Well, no, I don't need to sleep, but I just created the whole universe, and I... Well, yeah, I just, I needed a break, okay? Sorry, the implications of you needing a break are staggering. Yeah, do you have, like, a finite amount of energy? Oh, my God, what are you guys? Amazon? I just, I took a little break, okay? So if it wasn't to sleep and you don't have a finite amount of energy, what were you doing?

I, okay, have I told you guys about Stardue Valley? No. Okay, so it's like a, you know what, never mind, never mind. Okay. and we're back for more of this shit and we're going to open up on eve drinking in the establishing shot we've already seen we okay i haven't mentioned this yet but they will reuse so goddamn much animation in this fucking movie the actual animation is 15 minutes long right anybody who has ever worked for hannah barbara is just weeping into their tea at the quality

of this animation and eve has a very very very much very weird, sporadic knowledge. Like, she looks up and she knows exactly what the stars are, but then Adam's stomach rumbles and she's like, what the fuck was that? Yes. This whole movie is just a bizarre mix of them being incredibly smart and then being incredible, well, not incredibly smart.

Them being, like, having one thing to say that's reasonably intelligent and everything else they are so fucking dumb about. Also, there's sort of a mix of wacky and fall of man that seems like a bit of a juxtaposition. Yeah, it is an odd contrast. Okay, the next thing that happens is so weird that I Googled, was this based on a non-English series and then, like, poorly translated? So here's what happens.

They see some strawberries in a strawberry tree, and Adam says, oh, I can't reach. Would you mind? And then he shakes the tree. What did she do to facilitate him? Would you mind what? Yes, exactly. Yeah.

I wanted it to, like, pan down. he's banging her against the side of the tree. Well, they do cut away from the two of them. He says, do you mind? And then it cuts to a shot of the tree. We don't actually see Adam and Eve at that point. Whatever. So maybe he's fucking her against the tree.

And that's what's not going to. Yeah. Quite possible. Yeah. And strawberries go on trees. And this is what can happen when humans and dinosaurs coexist. Yeah.

Before the fall of man, the strawberries just grew on trees. So, okay, now it's the next morning. Eve is affixing her hair to her nipples, as she does every morning, I guess. And Adam wakes up having dreamed about God taking his rib, and then he jerks off a stick. Yeah.

He sure does. That's not a crazy thing, Noah said. That's what happens in the movie. Yeah. So what he's supposed to be illustrating the process by which God turned Adam's rib into his stick, but it's just him running his hand up and down it, right? There's no. there's no fucking way

the animator wasn't going for Adam jerks off a stick. Nothing will ever convince me that this animator wasn't going for jerking off. And the voice actor also was like, God took my bone and then jerked it up and down like this with a and then blew it. And I was like,

what the fuck is happening? Blue it! And then this missed appeared. Then it ends with, and then this misdemeanor. That's right. A misdemeanor. All over my tits. She's like, it's in my hair. Doesn't that seem like the most sensible response to this idiot? Give me a rag.

Give me a rag. Give me a rag. Give me a rag. Give me a rag. No, wet it. God damn it. Oh, not like that. But.

Run away, Eve. Run away. So, Eve runs away, and she says, and I quote, catch me or don't if you can or you're a rib or a ribless man okay i wrote that exactly down too i have those same words i'm not crazy that's exactly what that's what did that i would i would like not for us not to say it a third time because i feel like it's going to conjure us something yeah that's what cartoon was created to do yeah the first like catch me or don't if you can't it has to be one or the other right there's no super position where you both can and

can't catch me right hold on is quantum mechanics in the bible well yeah it's as much as most of this shit is yeah i need it out and to be like hey hey hey hey uh time out fucking what what did you that that was insane right we're not skating past that that was crazy sounded good in my head here's a washcloth really sorry about that and and then they commit to a lifelong relationship days after meeting one another i guess two days after first meeting, and yet somehow one day after God created her. Did you know this, this timing? Eve shows up, and then they go to sleep, and he shows her around the garden, and then they

go to sleep again, and then Adam says, oh, I had the weirdest dream last night, and then he jerks off the rod. Like, why? Like, they animated it out of order, yeah. And after we see all the jerking of the rod, he actually says, do you see any scars or holes, and then shows her his ass. Like, yeah, if I see a hole, it's brown, it's right there. all happening in the movie, in this cartoon for children.

Yes. Also, hey, small thing, but they never address the itchiness of this whole scenario. Right. They're just walking inside of bushes and they're sleeping on grass. Like, you got to address that. This is why Eden is perfect. There's no itching. Not enough swamp ass.

No, no jock itching, Eden. That was what I thought was missing from this cartoon. Heath, I'm so glad you brought it up. You got a rash. Yeah. I'm not in the Garden of Eden That's fucking cold reading That was pretty hot reading

You know I always have a rash Really? In front of our guests This is the first time I'm getting an uncomfortable Itchy skin thing from somebody Maybe it starts with Stop! Not in front of Marcus. Marcus, you're our backup

Marsh. I need you to like me more. Oh no! I'm getting I-B-S Okay, so So the next day they're out for a swim talking about how awesome their lives are and Eve is like wow look at that gorgeous tree of knowledge of good and evil over there I bet that'll come in important later on in the in the cartoon it's Chekhov's tree of good and evil right well and then Eve is like there's this great moment where Eve's like look at all those animals and then we pan over and it's exactly four animals only one of which is moving never have I more felt like an animator was telling her right her to eat a dick, right? There are like six animals in this whole movie. It's like a bad Noah's Ark rip-off.

I almost went with the best, worst attempt or like pretending there's way more animals here than there are. Yeah, it's like a sad circus. So, and then like some hippos come along, and so they ride the hippos. Eve does not ride that hippo side saddle, right? So she's having a great time. Oh, no. She spreads for that hippo.

Fuck, yeah. And then they're like, well, I'd love to thank you hippos, but I don't know. your names and God's like oh I've been meaning to get to that I just showed up I'm back uh name all the animals these stupid people Adam's like scombert and shine and hippopotamus he's making up noises the very first thing he goes for is hippopotamus and yeah and he just happened to make a random noise that would later mean river horse in a future language Future language. Yeah, no, it's a hell of a call forward.

Well, they actually, they built the language around hippopotam as a... And sunflower, sure. Yeah, I do also want to point this out, that the way God shows up to tell them to name the animals feels like a panicky correction, right? Because they're like, what are the animals called? And he's like, hey, guys. You don't get that yet because it's a couple thousand years. It's fine.

You're supposed to do it. You're supposed to do it? You're okay? I didn't forget. No, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I was not pooping. You're going to hold your hair back?

Nope, I'm all right. Not in front of Marcus. He's the backup marsh. Did you want to use this washcloth? Because I still have it from before. No. Oh, so? Smells like jungle juice.

He says, you know, you've got to name all the animals at Egos, but there are so many. And I wrote, no, there's only four. Yeah, there should be like 15 hours. words just of naming bugs. Right, right. Exactly. This movie should never have ended if they had lined up all the animals that they have to name. But they're like fish, giraffe, uh, elephant.

Okay, we're done. Yeah, but we started to separate exactly two bugs for the arc. I'd never thought about this, but like, you know, you got like a bunch and you're like, just those two, just two. God, a bunch of them went in. Okay. Yes. Yeah, it's all creative with hippopotamers now, but not too long.

They're going to be like, yeah, you're fly. You're anti-term. You'll see, cow. I'm done with this. Yeah. No, like, actual question, if this was your job, like, you're on the hippos and you're like, okay, God has just given me the job of naming the hippos. Like, what would you name them?

They're like, gray, swimming, blobby thing. That is your name. I think I would have gone with hippopotamus. I think I would have come up with. I might have said, like, flump. It would have been like onomatopoetic, you know? It would have been like a noise. I would have panicked, probably.

I would have done overly cute names because I'm a pug guy. So a bunch of scientists would be forced for the rest of history to be like, he, Mr. Man, has face, which of course is different than little gentlemen. It's subspecies. Yes. Scientists will be arguing about this at conferences for generations. Theak, Quincilberry, I'm not done yet, the third. So, okay, so Adam, he calls all the animals together to get their names,

and they line up in pairs. and we we cut to Simon and Gimel the Camel. They're like up on a cliff watching all this happen. They're on the Pride Rock spot. Come on. They are. With all of the cheap Disney references. We've got them up there and all of the animals down below.

And I want to point out that at this point, there's no conveniently placed Bush. We're just so far away that we can't see Adam Neves junk. But like Simon Cannon, he's just a kid. He's got a lot of diggers. He's been waiting in the void for an eternity to see that junk. jungle have you know. Yeah, right, right, yeah.

And then there's a song. I started thinking about Peter Singer being like, well, technically he was in the void for infinity, so is he a child at this point? I don't know if that's totally cool. Simon, if you want to get fucked by that camera, I just keep bringing up how cool

I think it is. Boy or boy, do I keep bringing up how cool I think it is. This is not what the song was about at all. I wish it's what this song was. Okay, look, here's the problem. If you play it backwards, though, it doesn't. Yes, it's about theater singer, singing you fuck by it.

Here's the thing. We have made the joke before on this podcast that the lyrics are insipid, that the song is bad. And I would not have made any of those jokes if I knew that I would someday have to describe to you podcast listener how bad this song is. It, I mean, it is trying to hide a bomb behind your backs. level poorly red. And here on the garden of Eden, it's beautiful. The kid

misses a note so bad that the cartoons react to it at one point. Yeah, there was a lot of camel react in here. Yeah. There's also the lyrics are so insipid. Listen to how close these lyrics get to live, laugh, love. Okay, these are actual lyrics.

To live, to give, to know, to love. They almost hit it. The no is definitely biblically no, I just want to make sure that we're doing the same page with that. That makes sense. That lyric means that they went to live, to give,

to know, to fuck. Snow, bro, shiv, show, foe, hippo, no, hippo,

hipo, all right, I'll tell you what, we'll say love for right now. I bet you there was some jerk in the room who was like, what about love? And they were like,

fuck. and then so and then they end with like a couple of weird attempts to show a long line of animals without actually drawing a long line of animals again and then so okay so then later we get we got adam walking around and a bunch of bees turn into the eye of saran god yes so what what we are learning you know biblically speaking is that god is constituted of bees yes yes am i right about that yes he's a bee Absolutely. God appears out of a swarm of bees. You need to ask questions when things appear out of bees. Are you that's not?

Like, that's my first question. Are you, have you been bees this whole time? I'm pretty sure you're bees. And you'd be honest. Are you bees? You have to tell me. No. I'll pick the animal that stings.

That's sort of my whole thing. Show me your stinger. Are you a swam of bees with a bomb behind your back right now, singing a song? so but yeah but God's like hey hey hey I meant to tell you this earlier don't eat from that tree from earlier that that is the forbidden

tree and if you eat from it you surely will die right and no amount of familiarity with this story can make that not weird as fuck right now to be clear they chose a somewhat more bizarre way to entertain this plot because if you

remember in the Bible God says you can eat all the trees except for one which is still weird as opposed to, hey, what's going on? I was just, sorry, I just had to form out of some bees. They're all dead. They didn't have salt. Colony collapse.

Don't eat from that tree. But you can eat from many of the other trees. Are you bees? It's not because there's a bunch of bee porn up there in the branches. It is not an erotic cut of the bee moving. A bee porn is off the hook. There's only one queen. And there's all the rest of the drum.

Oh, yeah, I went there. Oh, yeah. Be cocky. So, okay. Royal jelly. Thank you. The way Noah struggled inwardly between making that joke and the cleverness of that joke. It forced its way out of him.

Like a demon and an ex. Be cocky, I thought of it. No, I said it. God damn it. Got to do six dietripes to make up for people. So, okay, so then we have this. weird, like normally I'd leave it out, but it's too weird to leave out scene where Adam drinks water from a leaf, so his face turns blue?

Gray. So there's this miscommunication here. He's like licking water that's dripping off a leaf. And his face turns gray. It's not just me, right? Like, death color. No, no, it's definitely gray. And then Eve is sitting next to him and gives this little, like, high school giggle,

like, oh, your face is blue. I'm like, where, what? What? No, no, it's not. They, like, could not afford the color? Like, that's it. That's got to be it. Because she says specifically, your face is bright blue. And I'm like, oh, I guess that ink was more expensive than the gray ink that they went.

But then he washes his face off, and that never comes back. And we're just, we have to, for the rest of our lives, wonder what the fuck that was all about. But this is where he passes on the news about not eating from the forbidden tree. Meanwhile, the serpent watches on. now this is a snake but it's got it still has its legs and it has a fucking beak and weird dragon flaps for some reason oh okay so i actually know why the serpent looks so fucking dumb here all right so there is an a historical a biblical belief that serpent means dragon among very small sex of christianity sure and i promise you someone involved with this movie is one of those wackos they lost a fight to 2003 dan mcclellan and they're like you know what in my movie the serpent, quote unquote, is going to be a fucking dragon. That, yeah. Dragon caterpillar, specifically.

Yes, right. It has, like, eight pairs of legs. Shape shifter dragon caterpillar. Right, with a spiky mace at the end of its tail. Like, just for shits and giggles. Just like, put that on that. Why to fuck not? Yeah.

So, yeah, but then... Wait, did we skip the flamingos playing moonball scene? Because we cannot skip the flamingo. No, we're almost there. We're almost there. I think that's about to happen. I'm pretty excited. We would never skip this.

I have lots of questions. So yeah, so the serpent laughs as they're going like, yeah, we'll never eat from the tree. The serpent goes, boeh, ha, ha, ha, right? So, and then we get Adam and Eve coming across some flamingos, and the fucking, at this point, the animators have just given up on the obstructed nudity thing. They show us, Adam's Ken Patch at this point. But he sees a couple of flamingos, and he goes, they're playing moon ball because they're kicking at the water where the moon is. Right. But then, and I was like, oh, kind of cute.

But then they kick the, the actual moon out of the water into the sky. And into space. We zoom all the way out into space, orbit, a round Earth. How surprised was everybody in this space that was actually round? I was surprised. Is that how the moon was created according to this narrative? I guess. What are they going for?

Again, not in the fucking Bible. Okay, I didn't think in the Bible, but more importantly, how is that a game? Like, he says they're playing Moonball, what are the fucking rules for this game? Thank you. How do you win this game? I think by kicking it into orbit, like I feel like that Flamingo won, right? Like I don't, but I don't know how the point system works. It's like the slowest game ever, because the moon does move, so you do have to kick it in different places, but it just takes an enormous amount of time.

I guess if you're living there forever, sure. Oh, oh, so it's a British sport, is it? Yeah, how long has the game of cricket been going on? We still have them running right now, it's true. Yes. What if the other one kicks a moon that, like, does better, like, orbits faster or something? Yeah, right, right. And what's better, faster or bigger, yeah.

So, okay, but then, so they play some moonball, and then Simon the narrator cuts into promise that something will eventually happen in this story. Like, that's his actual words are, something was about. about to happen. I promise. Trust us, kids. You know, I hear that can be sexy, right? Like, you describe what you're about to do before you do it. Okay.

All right, there you go. Maybe that's what they're going for. There were a thousand years where me and Galil just screamed. And then our voices died and the silence was louder than our screams. Anyways, back to what Adam and Eve are up to. We cut to the serpent. the serpent layer. Now, I don't know exactly at what point in this script

the acid kicked in, but I know when it peaked. Right? This, okay, the serpent, first of all, is just, as we said before, he's just doing a series of voices, right? Like, alphabetically. Right, but Donald James Parker voices, right?

Like, it's not like, oh, none of them are recognizable. It's always like, I literally can't do it because I'm going to accidentally do a touchstone. It's always like, And there's my hamburger. You're like, I don't. I don't get that.

Yeah, right. Like, he's just trying on different potential tag lines or whatever. Yeah. And as he's doing this, he's trying on different scale patterns on his belly, like shape shifting scale patterns, like in the Bible. Yeah. Eli, be honest. Before you go to bed and you not practice like new voices a little bit like this, just like this, just like pop up? I'm not, I shall not tell a lie.

This is absolutely what I do. Okay, I don't. And I do take off one of my scales and it turns a river into blood next thing. That's the other thing, right? I thought we agreed not to talk about this at work. What the fuck was happening? Eli and Don Ford sitting back to back. But yeah, so the dragon plucks a scale up his belly.

It turns into a gem. He drops it into the water. The water turns to blood. We all check to see, like, make sure that, like, we could still read. and that, you know, you weren't in a dream state. We start pinching ourselves while we're watching it. All the drugs caught up with me at once. But then he's like, ah, I have an idea.

He looks in the water and he sees Eve's reflection and he goes, mm-hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, right? I called Eli and I was like, I'm not an asshole. And he's like, oh, are you in that scene? Oh, you're in the other scene. Yeah, I know, you are. So, also, the soundtrack kept teasing us as though he was about to sing a tempting Eve song, and then he didn't.

A hundred percent, yeah. It was very evil, sneaky music. Yeah. I bet there was a musical number that was a culturally insensitive accent that they cut from 2003. Like, they had to be sat down to be like, I'm the jaba-jabba man has to go. I know. I know. I'm going to miss it too.

It was a good bit in the moment. Yeah. Given what they left in, I can't imagine. Yeah, right. So, okay, so now we cut to Adam and Eva's sleep. We zoom in on Eve's dream. Right now, this is one where I actually do know what's going on. she dreams of white roses

and then she goes to pick one but the thorn gets her and she bleeds and she bleeds on the rose and the white rose turns red right and there's like a superstition amongst Christians that that's why roses are red

right oh my god I did not know that I actually learned something from this recording right from this cartoon no less I thought it just meant that like she's getting her period that this was like that's also what I thought too and then she has this like bizarre

nightmare about bleeding and roses, and then she wakes up frisky, which is always what I do after having a terrifying nightmare is I want to bone down, like, sure, as you do. Yeah, you cut your hands in a nightmare, and you're like, all right, let's get this going. Something's wet. Oh. No visceral, no, visceral, no. Actually, no.

Hey, no. All right, so Eve turns to Adam She tries to ASMR him into a late night swim I will say almost anybody asking me in that voice To go for a moonlight swim is going to get a yes I'm sorry Sure I mean this is like the original manic pixie dream girl She's just like I let's go swimming at 2 in the morning

Because we just woke up and it's crazy and it doesn't make any sense But it's charming or whatever But Adam is a hard pass He's just like No I'm tired I got a grass to sleep in You're just You're already

A guy doesn't exist yet. I don't think so. No. No, I already did it for the bees and like I'm just tired. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, I was whittling that stick for a while. I'm not going to be ready again until they invent blue powerade and I don't know when they're coming out. It's a gray powerade.

So, okay. So, but then, so she walks out to go on a swim by herself, a garland of flowers just wraps itself around her head to reinforce the manic pixie dream girl thing. And then she goes for a swim, and then the serpent, like, tries to seduce her, right? Yeah. For sure. They, like, have this, like, dance number thing, and her eyeballs go all wobbly. Anybody else notice this, like, in the animation? Like, she is definitely on drugs here.

Yeah. Yeah, right. So, but so they start dancing around, and then he starts trying to convince her that that fruit from that tree of knowledge of good and evil, it's not actually forbidden. Adam was just talking shit. Yeah, I wrote, The Snake is doing the very first version of a Twitter argument. Any moment he's going to tell us

that he doesn't trust Wikipedia. But he's like, hey, maybe Adam's just keeping all the best fruit for himself. And he's like twining himself around her as he's saying this. They have gone past subtlety. And I just want to say, shipping Eve and the serpent still less sketchy than Twilight.

so yeah so but he sets her down on the shore and she starts thinking she's like well you know god never told me not to eat the stuff we we'll learn here that she shaves too by the way again the animators are just like fuck this i've drawn enough bushes um but then so she gets the fruit and she smells it and it smells pretty fucking good is this an apricot because she's holding the fruit it's kind of like orange yes it's orange it's an orange it's an orange The challenge? Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. Well, Simon assures us something's going to happen, so I think we can afford to take another break. But first, let me give Act 3 of the hard sell. Will Eve give in a temptation and eat from the forbidden tree? Will God make good on his threat to condemn mankind? Will God ultimately redeem humanity and usher in an age of salvation? I guess you already know the answers to all these questions is yes, because Charlton Heston ruined it in the fucking introduction. But stick around anyway for the conclusion of

Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible, the Garden of Eden. Team Snake a... Fuck, if it was too late. I was so far past, I was so mad, and I was like, I can't get it in? Fuck! It's going to be out.

It's too far. Something's wet. Okay, what about an extendable fork? Like a gag gift. Oh, this would not be a gag gift for him. Hey, guys. What are you doing? I'm trying to think of a good Christmas present for Heath, but he's already got everything he wants. That's true. He does.

Well, yeah, people can be pretty hard to shop for this time of year. Tell me about it. That's why I'm getting folks set up with Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile is offering unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. That's their best deal of the year, aka the only holiday gift you'll actually use every single day. That's true. I do use my phone every day. Oh, man, I do not. We know, Heath.

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You guys ready for some fondue? Oh, I'll get my extendable fork. See, I told you. It's my favorite thing in the world. Aren't you married? Yeah. To my fork. Lou, Lou, doing God's stuff.

God's stuff is my favorite stuff. Lou, Lou, Lou. Hey, God. What you're doing there? Oh, hey, Michael. I was just working. on humans. Oh, wow, you were, you were going to do them in your own image?

Yeah, no, of course. Right, right, but like, these guys are going to be your special creations. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I made the whole universe just for them. Yeah, it's just, there are like so many animals that are better suited to survival with like claws, teeth, fur, all that stuff. No, it'll be fine. I'll make them super smart. Right, yeah, no, smart is good, smart is good, but.

You could make them smart and make it so they, like, can't get cancer, like, sharks. No, no, we're not doing the shark cancer thing. That's actually just a common misconception anyway. No, they're going to be my favorite creatures, so they're going to look like me. Okay, will you at least tuck in their junk? They're just like, just like dangling. Fine. But I'll tell you what, I will tuck in the junk of half of them, okay?

Thank you, I guess. See, you don't like my dangling junk? No, man. It's super distracting. Okay. Not it. Got it. What if I cut off this bit here?

You think that one? And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with a moose, poking Adam awake with his antler. Okay, yeah. This moose is like, Adam, wake up, wake up. It's Eve. Like he's, you know, setting the alarm off for...

Yeah, like an old yeller style. Yeah, this trouble down at the well. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. This moose from the Serengetty was apparently like a paid spy for Adam. So he's going to run over and help you. Yeah, the moose is like, hey man, the serpent's trying to fuck your girl. So Adam jumps on the moose, rides the moose to the lake.

We get full ass crack at this point, right? This is the first time we go full ass on Adam. I think the last time, too, it's a shame. It's a great ass. But then, like, we cut to the... Eve, like, still thinking about eating this fruit. There's thunder and there's lightning, which implies God's aware of what's going on here.

Yeah, huge implications of this. So is he watching all of this happen and setting the mood? Because it was a beautiful night for a moonlight swim a few minutes ago. Now the rain. Yeah. And then there's a very sexual moment where she like opens her mouth really wide. And then we see the serpent like sit back as though he's about to get his knob polished, you know? yes

it's unmistakable they meant for kids to jerk off to this so but but she eats the fruit Adams like he's trying to swim to the rescue he's yelling he's like Eve don't eat the fruit but she can't hear him over all this thunder and lightning that God put

there yes also this isn't what happens in the Bible and if I was this religion that would matter to me right so she eats the fucking fruit and Adam arrives a second later

and now she's all groovy, very like she's acting like the acid just started kicking in. Wait, wait, there's not a moment in the Bible where it's like, is she gonna eat it or not? And Adam like doesn't get there in time. That's not actually what happens in the thing. No, no, slow motion tries to dive in front of the apple, yeah.

Yeah, right. Can we talk about her hair? I mean, that apple gave a serious sex hair. Yeah, right. Well, it's like, it has Medusa-like sentience at this point, right? Yes. It's like, it picks her, it picks him up and pulls him into the fucking treat.

She needs another washcloth for sure. Yeah. Well, okay. Yeah, this has gone beyond like something about Mary level hair here. Well, speaking of which, this is where she's trying to talk him into eating the fruit. And she says to him, and I quote, if you don't like it, you can always spit it out. Okay, cartoon. She's like, I remember the moment with the sticker.

earlier. Come on. Give me your mist. It's got 100% college party where Adam's excuse to God later is going to be like, yeah, but I didn't inhale. Right. You can spit it out? Oh my God.

Mm-hmm. So he eats the fruit and Mikey likes it. He's like, I want more. I am God. I am more than God. Right. Yeah. Wow.

that was some good shit. I want to know where they got that from. Yeah, for real. Oh, that's cocaine, right? In case you're wondering. Yeah. Yeah. I have said, I am God.

I am more than God on cocaine. And then you follow up as they did with, oh, no, I'm naked. Mm-hmm. Like I said. Okay. All the steps. And Eve says, like, I'm naked. Why didn't you say something?

I'm like, um, because he's a dude and you're naked. Yeah. Yeah. Eli, we can't start the Pajama Party live stream until you stop doing that and put your clothes back on. Just admit that I'm more than God and I'll put my clothes back on. We had to do that. So they start covering themselves with leaves and just then God shows up.

They jump. They've like really quickly fashioned themselves leaf bikinis, but they jump. It's a bush for your bush. Yeah, exactly. God Ali Ali Oxen frees them. Right? And they're like, well, fuck, he's God. So Adam comes out.

Right. And again, I just can't emphasize enough what a crazy implication there is for God to go, where are you guys? Yeah. Well, that is in the Bible, though, right? And what did you just do? And then they're finger pointing at each other. Adam 100% throws Eve under the bus here.

Immediately, yes, immediately. Well, also, like, let's not just skate past how weird it is, right, that God is mad at Adam that he won't show him his dick anymore right he's like hey how come i can't see your uh your junk anymore i'm i'm gonna curse you guys for that because it's got bee stings all over it it's all swelling shit it's not why it swells i keep telling you that's not why it swells so he's like yeah no it's eve's fault and he's like it's no it's the serpent's fault and the serpent's like it's your fault you do this was all going to happen you asshole yes god actually says something sensible to Adam. I think what we're learning is that every character gets one thing to say that is

remotely sensible. And God says, don't blame her, right? Don't blame Eve. Can't you choose for yourself? Like, yeah. Yeah. That's the only good advice God. He's downright woke. Yeah. So, but then, so, but then the serpent is like, I got to go. And he goes to run away. But that's where God takes his legs. Now, we all know the story. So we all knew that was coming. But think about how horrific that is. If you're just like a kid seeing this for the first time and you don't know that. You're like, he took his legs? Like, because then he turns to Adam and Eve

and he's like, oh, you know, I got to punish you too. And they're like, you're fuck or are you going to take their legs? Yeah. Imagine being a kid born without legs watching this cartoon. Just like, oh, okay, you bust into the kitchen and you're like, what did you guys do? Although, no, I have to say, if you're a kid watching this, you already know that the serpent loses its leg.

Yeah, no child watching. Like, no parent who has put this movie on for their kids is like, this is the first time that we have talked extensively about Adam in here. Especially a legless child, right? You got like that. So, yeah, maybe not with a legless child, but, Dana, I have heard stories from kids who, like, went to a friend's house, you know, or something like that. And that, and they're, like, friend that they were spending the night with, like, bust some shit out like this on them. So I feel like at least some kids saw this or learned this for the first time. Okay.

Fair point. And before all that, the snake is doing all, he's, again, going through all. of his voices, at one point he actually says, let me at him, let me out of him. Who is he doing this for? What does he think is going to happen here? I'm going to go attack the eye of seven. Yeah, right. So the serpent's like,

I'm going to get my revenge. And then he goes after Adam's balls, right? He's just slithering up his legs. Bite you on the dick. Yeah. But Adam shakes him off. And then he turns, God turns his vengeance on Eve. And he just says, Eve, you will no sorrow. we're not going to go into any more detail than that. You'll know sorrow. I know this is a weird place for us to draw a line as a piece of fiction,

but yeah, we're not going to talk about periods or the pain of pregnancy. That's the line we've drawn. Yeah, exactly. And he's like, you leave me no choice. And I'm like, I feel like you have choices, man. But he says that she will know sorrow and that Adam will have to toil for his bread. Right. That's the curse.

Which would you rather, if you would have to. a choice here. Pain and sorrow or sometimes you have to go to work. Right. Yeah. Adam kind of gets sentenced to late stage capitalism, which I thought was... Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you're just going to barely get by and then you probably end up voting for somebody who's at worst for you, they're going to hate all these people. And it's going to... Don't worry. After Noah's son, fucks a crow, we're going to have someone for you to blame it on. So it's going to go great. so yeah but so he kicks him out of the garden and they're like really there's an out of the garden he's like yeah believe it or not i made a much larger much shittier place in case you did the thing that i knew you were going to do and the angels are crying at this can we there's a three-second scene where like eve starts crying and adam starts crying and all the animals start crying and they cut to heaven and there's this random scene with these copy-pasted white blonde child angels and tears in heaven and

And that's why it's raining down below. That's why the rains began. Yes. Yeah, even though there was thunder and lightning earlier. So, but then we get to, they see the gate of Eden. They're like, where the fuck did this come from? He's like, it's always been there. And then they go to leave and they're like, God, are you going to leave us?

And he's like, no, no, I will love you unconditionally on one condition. By the way, these are some angels with fire swords who are guarding the gate now. Angel babies Cherubim, yeah Yes Yes Well so okay So he's like

Hey by the way This tree over here This is the tree of eternal life And they're like Ooh can we eat of it He's like no Come on Fire sword

Fire sword It's another tree of entrapment You have two trees No that one's a metaphor Yeah that's a backup Right one is none And you want to make sure To always have your backup tree

Well Eve actually says When she sees a tree Is it another tree With forbidden fruit I mean Eve read the room That's not what you want be bringing up to this guy. Yeah, right, right.

You've just been through that. Well, I also love, because we see the, the, the, the two flying babies who are very angry, like two very angry flying babies, and then a sentient flying, flaming sword that, like, actually backs him up. And he's like, you know, this tree is protected by the flaming sword and the two babies. And I'm like, I feel like the flaming sword is doing most of the work, though, right? I mean, fuck away the tree of eternal life. What I can kill you?

The flying babies aren't very intimidating, so I have to do most of the work. I feel like the flaming sword isn't doing a very good job either. It's going back and forth like a windshield wiper. It's like a Mario level. Yeah, you just have to find it. Right?

Like if you just time, you're run. And like the sword swings and like, I got it. Yep, you're in there. You got it. It's kind of like doing a nah, uh, kind of a thing. Yeah.

So then, okay, so but then as this cartoon depicts the literal fall of man as they walk out of the garden to no suffering for the first time, The music kicks back in and Simon sings that same fucking song about how awesome Eden is and about how you should live, laugh, and love.

Hey guys, sorry, I was face down in the grass thinking about the 10,000 years that I tried to hold my breath. Happy birthday to me. And then there's this magic gate. So they're wearing leaves in the garden that they just like hastily cover themselves with. As soon as they walk through the gate,

they're wearing like Flintstone's costumes. Like that was the best magic in the whole fucking show. Yeah, because the goddamn, the animators were like, well, done enough of this leaf shit. God damn it, they're wearing Flintstone's costumes now. And they wander like all sad and shit for a very long time, but eventually they come across the stream. And Adam goes, God is merciful.

and we all go, is he? Yeah, this is such an abusive relationship dynamic. He was so good not to go all out on us here. He's merciful. Right. So, yeah, but then they decided they're going to make themselves a house there. And Simon, you know, from the void comes back and he goes like, you know, they went hungry a lot and their house burned down from time to time. Get out of a sketchboard kid.

Nobody fucking cares. You suck. I see it. And they made a yurt. They, like, somehow don't know what reflections are, but they know how to make a yurt. They know yurt. And, like, found agriculture or something like that. Well, yeah, right.

We had a little montage of them learning out planting seeds and watering them and scaring away the crows and shit. Yeah, we figure out clothing, too. Yeah. Adam made himself, I thought this was a choice. He made himself a single shoulder tunic, like one shoulder exposed, one shoulder over the top tunic. Yeah? Just going to show off. He figured out a laundry because she's a woman.

We see her slapping a rock with some wet cloth. I'm not sure what that was supposed to be, but I think it was laundry. It was laundry, yeah. Clean in her hair. Definitely. Let this be a lesson to you shirt. Yeah. We literally watch grass grow.

I mean, it's a different crop, right? But we watch fucking seedlings grow. They sure are overjoyed. at that. Did he even make a river, like a second river, by pulling water with a cup out of a first river? So I think that what they were going for was that she just put a little bit of water in the little furrow or whatever where their seeds were. But they're so bad at animating that it looked like a second river was spawning.

They accidentally animated too much water. Yes. That's amazing. And then they animated this victory dance that they do when they see that the farming is. successful, I guess they are growing weird because they're just waving their arms around. Like they feel too long, you know?

Like when I like wave my arm, like, is that happening to you too? Yeah, right. Louie, how many arms do you see? But yeah, so, but it's not all fun, right? It's not all laundry slapping and river making. At night, growly cat eyes show up and scare the crap out of them.

Okay, I enjoyed this moment where he was like, Do you still have faith? And Adam's like, yes. Do you? And she's like, yeah. Huh? Mm-hmm.

Yes. That's why I asked is because we both feel the same way. We're both equally Christian. But she's pregnant. And then Simon cuts in, the void kid cuts in. And he goes, and in time, Eve gave birth. And we cut to this incredibly even for 2003 sexist. Adam was just standing outside while she gave birth by her.

herself in the tent. He's smoking a cigar. You have no idea how many plants I had to grow and things I had to invent to be doing this so that I'm not helping you while you give birth for the first time in human history. What an asshole. Right?

Yeah. Babe, what are you doing there? Hurry up. Yeah, and Eve's probably wondering about what the fuck is going on, right? No one's given her instruction. She's just like the first time this has ever happened. Did you see if you can gather up some bees

to figure out how long this front poop's going to last. It can't be how it was meant to go. Yeah. So, so then she goes, he runs in and she's got the baby all swaddled and she's fine now. And she goes, let's call him Kane quick before Mr. What About Hippopotamus can chime in with a name suggestion, right? And this is the ugliest fucking baby. Very ugly baby.

Yeah. Very ugly baby. Yeah. It's the, it's the happy birthday on a piece of paper of babies. Like, they very clearly were like, I'm drawing this big old baby head. Look out, oh, fuck, I need, like, I have four inches for the rest of the It's fine, it's fine, we'll just do this.

Yeah, right, right. It's mostly blanket. Yeah, no one involved in the production of this movie has ever seen a baby. No, no, uh-uh. But then two years later, she has Able, and we see this, like, this scene of Able being born, and there's a quick, like, we flashed a cane at two years old with a very, I'm going to kill that fucking baby, look on his face. Yeah.

I needed somebody to address that. Be like, hey, you saw the two-year-old morning. morphed to pure evil just now, right? Like so clearly. Right. And she says, oh, there will be more mouse to feed. And I wrote in my notes, looks like you're going to need to pick up some extra shifts at the river. Yes.

Yeah. And then she says, Abel has such big feet. I mean, you can just say he is a big dick. Right, right, exactly. No need to hide behind that. It's okay. There's no one else around. So then years later, we get Adam, he's coming home to the hut where Eve is womaning him some food.

Now, at this point, this is, it's Cain's seventh birthday, right? So, dad goes outside to play Catch the Rock with Cain and Cable. And Cain sucks at Catch the Rock. This is the original Little League dad playing catch. And he's like, Cain, you fucking suck. Eye on the ball. Get your cuts. It's so good.

And I was like, okay, he's going to do a murder. And that's valid. I get it. Here's what actually happens. Hey, do you remember when we talked about the Flamingos playing Moonball? No, because. why the fuck would you remember that? Well, here's the callback to it

because when Cain misses catch the rock, Adam goes, now what do I always say? And Cain says, if flamingos can kick the moon into the sky, you can catch a rock. He says he presents that as the moral of the flamingo story. It's a little clunky for an angry little league dad. You've got to like really tighten it up.

Many fucking times that he needs to be better. Yeah. And, and then, and this was like cut from Aesop's fables. This like did not make the cut, the one about the flamingos and the movie ball. He's so fucking insensitive. He gets mad at Kane for being thirsty. At some point, Kane's like, I'm going to get a drink. And he's like, no, you stay here and I throw rocks at you and you catch them.

Yeah, I wrote in my notes, Heath's childhood when that scene happens. Yeah, right. No, so at one point Adam actually says, and I quote, one day, I hope you'll make me proud. Woof! Haven't been shit yet, but one day maybe you fuck up. I did eventually do it in my case.

Fuck. Oh, Jesus. You keep telling yourself that. It's okay. No, you have to keep the cops. I know Morgan's off this week. You must keep. Believe me.

Believe me. So yeah, so and then, so, so, so Abel has run up to get water for his thirsty brother and he comes back and he's got a cut on his hand so his mom is like doting on him a little bit and he's like I want to get doted on so he bites his lip till it bleeds so that mom will doad on him too

so he runs in and he's like that's not a real injury that doesn't count go out and get real injured and then come back to me right these parents suck and you know why they suck because their example of how to be a parent is God and God is a sucky parent forever for eating a fruit when they were

eight days old, yeah. Also, real talk, Abel is just like a disgusting saccharine disaster I would want to kill him to. He is. He's just like, oh. I hated it. Yeah, he's like, yeah, mom, no, help Kane. He looks like he's really hurting on his fake lip bite that he did.

It really looks like it hurts. You should help him. I hated him so much. It was like every new boyfriend of your ex and you have to meet him. And somehow, just by chance, like a like a metal falls out of their pocket and it's a purple heart and they have a Pulitzer and like

they're really nice to you fuck and then you shoved him off a cliff that one time and now they're married so okay so then so Abel is like

hey hey Kane let's go look at the frogs by the stream and so they catch one but Kane hates frogs so he strangles it okay but here's the thing he doesn't strangle it to death He knows safe choking practices.

He just chokes it until it passes out. Oh, you think this was just a blood choke, like sexual with the frog? I think, and then the frog comes and he's like, that was cool. Do you see your turn? Why wouldn't he show him killing the frog? If it's not a sex thing, why wouldn't they show them killing the frog? Think about it. Well, I honestly, when he was showing him the frog, I wrote my notes,

Anna breaks into the scene and beats him to death with a rock. That'd be great. So frog wakes up. Something's wet. Yes. so then thank you so then but now they're all grown up and we see them giving god offerings and again this movie doesn't have the guts for him to strangle the frog it sure as hell doesn't have the guts to tell us what happens to those sheep that abel just offered to god right yeah they're supposed

to get flayed open and have their internal organs taken out and have the fatty part removed from the liver actual bible quote yeah and then set a thing yeah but the movie doesn't have the guts for that, get it, guys. So, but, but he's like, God's just like, nice sheep. Also, Cain is here. Jesus. What is that?

Fucking wheat? You brought me fucking wheat, you piece of shit. Yeah, stupid. You're stupid. You can't catch a fucking rock. And he says, bring me back another gift. Right? God's like, your grass sucks.

Try again, asshole. Yes. It's so bad. Like, you can, you can not like the gift. But, like, you can't, you can't be like, try again. Yeah. Yeah, this is grandfather. This is like angry grandfather.

Not the grandparents we all want and usually have. This is full on, bring me another better gift. Yeah. Yeah. Also, this part is in the Bible. Yeah, no, it is. The part about God being a complete asshole to Kane and saying he doesn't like his gift. Yep, that's in the Bible.

But you're supposed to earn love with success. That frog felt really good, okay? He was really doing right by the frog. That's got to count for something. Yes. Did you see how hard that frog came? Exactly. Come on.

We here at Puzzling the thunderstorms are here to tell you that frog never came harder. Nope. Sure. So then Abel, they're walking away at Abel's like, I brought extra bread for everybody. And he's like, hey, boy, bread for everybody. That's a juice selling, fucking prick. and he pushes him off a cliff from like six feet away from the edge yes right right this should not be physically possible abel's like whoa whoa whoa whoa i'm off balance whoa he goes

you're going to knock me off of the edge if you keep pushing me repeatedly and i don't get out of the fucking way if i don't just put both of my feet down and stand up yeah right but also like it's supposed to be a rock he's supposed to kill him with a rock right i guess this chicken shit movie doesn't have the guts for that either. I feel like he threw a rock and Abel did like a sweet catch and like Oh right. Yeah. He's like All right. Fuck you.

Yep. So but then he pushes him off to a clip and he looks down and he sees that he's dead and he's like, fuck. Oops. So they have a scene real quick where he hides the body because they need for him to have the blood on his hand so he can wash the blood off. Yeah. Despite the fact that Abel was totally bloodless

when he hit the ground after falling off a cliff. Looks like, you know, just the usual, like, movie, like, looks like he's sleeping, and yet he has blood on his wrists when Kane drags him into the cave. Yeah, exactly. Come on. So he washes that off, and then he's walking home,

and God's like, hey, have you seen Abel? And a rain starts to fall, and it turns to blood when it hits the ground. And he's like, am I, my brother's keeper? And we're all like, oh, he said it. Is that the thing? There's an attack line. Drink. If he didn't want something bad to happen, him,

he shouldn't have come to Canaan illegally. I don't know. so God's like I'm going to take my wrath out on you you will wander homeless in the desert forever and we cut to a snake or a lady in childbirth going oh he's going to run rid of the fucking desert oh it must be really fucking hard goddamn desert and then he's like oh no people will kill me

and he's like I will give you the mark of cane now to be clear the mark of cane is part of the curse right it makes him immortal so he wanders forever hated by all right but in this cartoon they choose to play it as like a weird bonus. He's like, gee, thanks God. And then goes whistling out of the fucking movie.

Yes, he's so excited about this. He's like, don't banish me. And God's like, I'll give you a cool tattoo. He's like, really? Oh, okay. Yeah, right, right. But that is in the Bible, the idea that the mark saves him from people taking vengeance on him. I'm actually really good at music and arts, dad, huh?

Music and arts forever. Fuck. Pipp. So, okay, so now we see Adam, and he's very old, and he's talking to God about how good he is at holding a fucking grudge. He's like, wow, man, it's been a while since we ate that fruit, but you're still sticking with it. Still on the fruit thing. That's crazy. It's crazy, the fruit thing you knew about.

Yeah. And but God appears, and he says, Adam, I am always with you, even when I'm torturing you for eternity. And he's like, aw. And I'm always watching, no matter what. what you're doing, you definitely are fucking again, and I'm definitely down for that. I saw you trying to imitate

the mind-blowing orgasm that frog head. And sure, you No, so, yep. So, yeah, so now is beeps. Thanks to puzzling a thunderstorm that I have the beeping ability.

You know, you're just making me do more beeps now. Morgan's gone this week. So, but then, so he comes back in, and Eve is kind of getting sick of his tireless faith in God. And she's like, well, you know, God did just let one of our kids kill another one of our kids. And he's like, God can't control the ways of man. And I'm like, oh, I thought he was omnipotent. But now he can't control the ways of man.

It's so weird. And her point here is, if God loves us, Kane wouldn't have killed Abel. And I'm like, point to eat. That is a great thing lady. Yeah, right. Excellent point. She's just, she brings up the. problem we've evil perfectly it's like hey it feels like are we starting a religion with like a ton of

plot holes and we're gonna need like tenuous apologetics we're gonna need like ross doth it to try to fucking do you write books about it it's gonna suck we're gonna look so stupid yeah i got it just said i'm always with you always watching basically effectively almost just said yeah i could help at any point but uh most of the time i'm good i'm good right i chose not to i was busy like real housewives was on, come on. So, but then Simon the Void kid cuts in to wrap things up. He explains

that years later, a geriatric Eve had another son, this one named of Seth, and he didn't suck like Kane did. Except that he had every single genetic defect that anybody knows about because his parents are super... Lots of tile and all

with that like 200-year-old couple. Right. But then the kid sings at us again. How about the wonderful The Garden of Eden is? Honestly, it's weird because in this song, there's like sort of an environmental message that would like never be in this cartoon if it was made today.

Right, like this cartoon is in a couple of ways too woke for today's Christians. Yeah. And also, this, the song feels kind of ominous now that they've been kicked out and their child is dead, right? Feels like you should be singing it in a minor keys. But no, this movie doesn't do minor keys.

And the lyrics of this song are, and I quote, leave the land of Eden. I'm like, were you not watching this fucking movie? That's the only thing they fucking did. That's the whole point. That's exactly what they did. But just in case you were wondering, if you were worried

that the camel was never going to get a treat, Gimel the camel gets a treat right here at the very end. I totally wanted him to do a Scooby-Doo. With this, I wanted him to suddenly like stand up on his hind legs and go like solve the murder mystery with the pesky kids.

I saw God be bull. I was in the reid So all right But that's it That's the catch-all for all of our shows Just so you know The way that I've put heat put it on the gram Rai was in the Roy is our new sign up

On the whole puzzle Productions I hope you're okay with that We'll see we'll workshop All right well that is that is it That gets us through the cartoon Deanna Marcus Thank you so much You guys were so much fun to how on

Thank you for having us This was awesome Yeah absolutely And just a quick reminder for our listeners. If they wanted to hear more from you or perhaps binge your show from start to finish in like three days the way Eli did, where should they go to find it? So we are Wrath of Pod. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. Such a good name. All the usual places. And we are at Rath of Pod on the socials.

All right. Awesome. And of course we'll have that linked on the show notes as well. And while that's going to do it for our review of greatest heroes and legends of the Bible, Adam and Eve, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to do this again next week, preferably with something that has a shorter and less clunky title. So, Eli, tell us what's on deck? A hippie and a cheerleader fall in love with God than each other during the Jesus movement that rocked the world. We'll be watching Jesus freaks.

And may I say it's about damn time, us. So with that to look forward to our group episode 532 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Deanna and Marcus for helping us out today. Be sure check the show notes for links to more of their. of stuff and an equally huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation of patreon.com slash Godolfo, and thereby earn early access to an ad-free

version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review on by sharing us on all the various social media platforms that you have. And if you enjoy this show, be sure check out our siblings shows, the scathing atheist citation needed D&D Minus and the skeptic wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodolfoMovil.com. Tim Robertson takes

care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our Auditine Engineer, Morgan Clark, and always use with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heath Enright, Neelabowski, I'm in no illusions, promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the American graffiti clothes.

The Serpent would go on to play several problematic characters in late 2000 movies until eventually retiring to become a U.S. Senator. Kane eventually realized that there weren't other people yet. He was fine. Eve went on to manage a brothel specializing in furries. The three crows filed a lawsuit against God for violating their eminent domain over that pile of dust, but it's unfortunately still tied up in the courts. Charlton Heston went on to die and have his gun taken from his cold dead hands.

Oh, happy ending. 100%. Adam started a substack, documenting all the ways that it's absolutely Eve's fault. Yes. Go with that one. Wait, what if the sharks were circumcised, then could they get killed? Oh, shit, wait. There's never been a circumcised shark with cancer.

We haven't isolated this variable. That's right. Thank you. It's important. This content is canned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4-255 or on their website at creator-accountabilitynetwork.org. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC.

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