God Awful Movies - 534: And God Made Man

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

This week, Cecil and Marsh from the Know Rogan Experience join us for an atheist review of And God Made Man. It's the story of the dumbest legal argument you'll ever hear in your life and three secular podcasters trying to describe it with a straight face. Check out more from Cecil on Cognitive Dissonance, the Know Rogan Experience, and Season Liberally Check out more from Marsh on Skeptics with a K and the Know Rogan Experience --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/ Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/

But this is where we meet his honor, Dean Cain presiding. Yeah. And honestly, it is such a shame that we're all now way too mature and grown-hood to make fun of people's appearances. Because there is a lot that we could make fun of here. Like, at least 60% more than when he was in secret, just by volume alone. And okay, I realize that joke is me having my cake and eating it. But in fairness, that's what goes.

Got Dean Fade into this position. God-awful movie. Movies. Movies. Welcome back to the Gamcast. For each week, we sample another selection from Christian cinema, and I remember to fill in this blank until today.

I'm your host, No Illusions. Heath and Eli are going to be unable to be here this week. They needed a weekend off to get ready for their week off. But we're recording this before the holiday, guys. But in their stead... They're pre-gaming.

It's amazing. Yeah, right? I'm excited to welcome in the co-hosts of the No Rogan Experience, Cecil, Ciceroa, and Michael Marshall. Marsh, Cecil, welcome back. Hey, thanks for us. Always a pleasure to be here, Noah.

Even if Eli and Heath can't be asked to turn up, we're here, we're reliable. He are here. There you. Always here. So tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? So we watched And God Made Man. It's the story of a judge who decides that letting trans people do sport is so evil,

it'd just be better to throw out large parts of the Constitution instead. You might say that this movie is the miracle on 34th Street for women's sport. You might say that if you happen to be in this movie in which they literally say at one point, It's the miracle on 34th Street for Women's Sport. They do say that. And Cecil, how bad was this movie? If you thought that all the scopes trial needed was Judge Judy in transphobia, you will love this movie.

Oh, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best and being the worst at? Yeah, so I could say best, worst legal argument. But I feel that's going to be too much of a spoiler. We will get there, and I think it is the worst legal argument I've ever heard. It probably is. I literally messaged every lawyer I knew as soon as I saw this, and I was like, you're not going to believe what this movie fucking said.

Oh, that's amazing. It's amazing. But that's too much of a spoiler. So for now, as a little holdover, I'm going to go with Best Worst YouTube SEO. Because the title of this free version of the film on YouTube is, and I quote in full, and God Made Man, new release Faith-based

sports drama Dean Cain Kevin Sorball open brackets God's not dead blow brackets yes when you have to explain

who your name is we've got a name we've got Kevin Sorbo God it's the best I'm going to have to explain Kevin Sorbo yeah so okay so I was going to go

with best worst Kevin Sorbo showing us what we look like right because he plays one of us and that yeah he does He really does. But honestly, that was before I saw Cecil's How Bad Was This Movie.

So I want to go with Best Worst Judge Judy. We're going to have some fun with Dean Kane as well. Oh, so good. So good. I'm going to go with Best Worst Can't Laughter because it happens at the weirdest times where canned laughter would never occur. Most specifically, when someone like does like a

what they would consider a mic drop moment. in the courtroom. Then there's just loud. And you're like, that would not happen in a real court ever. And it definitely wouldn't happen twice in a row.

Especially in a wide shot where we can see the faces of everybody in that room and none of the laughing. Exactly. Exactly. And no one's fucking laughing. Exactly.

It's fucking amazing. And I think I may have found that laughter. I think you did too, man. I think I may have found it. Yeah. All right. Well, we need time

for a huge transphobia trigger warning to sink in. So we're going to take a quick break. We'll be back a minute with all the unapologetic bigotry that is, and God made man. Hey, Cecil. What are you doing? I'm deplying this toilet paper. It turns out that there's a two-for-one deal here if you're just willing to, you know, put some elbow grease in and do the work for it.

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So it looks like I won't have to de-ply this toilet paper after all. Yeah, it's kind of a shame, given how hard was to convince spellcheck that we didn't mean deploy in the script here. Right? Yes, gentlemen, come in. Oh, thank you for greeting to see us, sir. Yes, well, look, the Illuminati is a big organization, but if we don't have time for our employees, I mean, what is the point? That's very magnanimous, supremely evil one. So, remind me what department you gentlemen are from?

We're in transing, sir. I'm sorry, what? The department task with turning everyone trans. Ah, yes, okay, yeah. And my assistant tells me that you have some issues with your assignment? Well, sir, yes, it's just, um, why? What do you mean? Well, sir, we're just not that clear what we gain by turning people trans.

Well, gender confusion, obviously. Yes, but what do we get out of that? Um, chaos? Yeah, it feels like a very roundabout way to get to chaos, though. Right, but, um, it lures people to the devil. Does it? In theory, it does. Okay, sure, but can't we just do that with rock and roll music?

So 60s. Tabletop RPGs, then? So 80s. Fantasy novels? So 2,000s. Oh, no, come on. I think that one could have worked if we just chosen a better author. What are the odds that we'd have picked

someone even shittier than us. Come on. I just, I don't see how being trans will draw people towards Satan in the first place. Because then the churches will reject them. Sure, but couldn't the churches just thwart our entire plan by just

accepting trans people? They're never going to think of that. Are you sure? 100% sure. Got it. Got it. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to open up on a A few of those, don't get your hopes-up logos that we've come to know and love.

Oh, God. There's one of the logos. It is so dark. I thought it was hiding because it was ashamed to be involved in this. You have to adjust the gamma on your TV just to see it, like you're playing an RPG on a TV. You should be able to just see the logo. Yeah. It's like eye test, yeah.

But then after the logos, we see, we open on a coffin and we get our first name from the credits. And so what we see is a coffin and the name Dean Cain over it. And I'm like, don't tease me, movie. Yeah. Now, we're at a funeral, which the movie will never bother to fill us in on the fact that this is supposed to be mom's funeral, I guess. Yeah. Never mention it. Yeah.

I think this is like the earliest, like, cancer momming we've ever seen in a gamble film. The closest they get to referring to it is that he will be wearing his wedding ring around his neck on a chain sometimes. And sometimes he'll be, like, playing with it in his finger. And that's about as much as we get. He will fondle it constantly. That is his spacework for the film, yeah. Yeah, and the hymn in particular, he looked a bit like in this scene,

not so much later, but he looked a bit like a version of John Lithgow, whose wig was trying to flee his head because he didn't want to be involved. And I thought, if this was John Lithgow, like, if this was actually John Lithgow, it still might be the least transphobic IP he's currently attached to it.

Okay, that's fair. No, but so I got to say, props to whoever at YouTube decided where these fucking ads were going to drop, by the way, first ad at one minute and one second into this movie. Which is saying, like, the opening credits are just starting and it's all just like real sad and there's a funeral and suddenly it's like, Ty Ponds will get it out, you know?

It's amazing. Hey, just out of curiosity, were there a lot of ads? Because I have premium, so I didn't see any. Were there a lot? No, no, they were just every time the movie was trying to be serious, there was another one. I think they only got four of them. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's the best time to put it in.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. So, but they leave the funeral and this girl, this is Lindsay. she's the main character of the film. She goes home to look at all of her swim trophies. Reflective moment. And there's a really minor thing that bug me. She's like, she sat on her bed at one point.

At this point, she's like looking at a laptop. The second we cut back to her, the laptop has completely disappeared. She hasn't moved at all. Like she's like lying down. She's meant to be sleeping. And the laptop just nopes out of the scene. Really? One minute in the movie.

It's a really obvious, massive continuity fuck up. And it's, it really sets the scene for what's happening. It really gives us an impression of, what we're in install. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't notice that because I had an ad between the two. So, right.

It's perfect. It's like a magic trick then. Yeah. So now it's the next morning. Dad wakes up his 21-year-old high school daughter. Yes. 35-year-old daughter. She looks so old.

She does. She does not look like she's in high school. I believe the actor is like 23 in real life. Yeah. And she's not a, like, she's not a young 23. I don't, like, no offense to the actress. but she's just like, she's not a young looking 23 year old or anything.

She looks like she's, you know, 26, 27 or whatever. She looks like a college graduate. Yeah, right, which is super awkward throughout this fucking movie. Hello, fellow kids. Yes, a little fellow youths. So, yeah, so now they're going to this big swim meet. Dad's all nervous. He can't find the tickets, you know.

Oh, gosh. Got to do a little bit of body work to find his tickets. He's doing the pat down. Where's my tickets? Where's my tickets? And then the daughter, of course. Oh, they're in your wards. wallet, stupid.

Yeah. Well, are they in his wallet? They're sort of comically half out of his wallet. I couldn't even get it like, it's not even hidden all the way in his wallet. It's like barely hanging on. Yeah, it's so stupid. So fucking stupid. How do you not know they're in there?

I mean, like, if I have a wallet in me, my pocket, I know for sure something is hanging literally halfway up my back. That's exactly. Right. Right. Exactly. That's the thing is that they had these prop fucking tickets. They didn't actually fit into a wallet, but they'd already written that line in a fucking

script and everybody froze like ants when you drop a fucking fucking twig into their line. Nobody knew what to fucking do. So they just rolled with it. And then they do the dad and daughter. They have their quirky thing. And it's the dapp, what they call the dapp, which is them

doing like a little paddy cake. And then they kind of pointed each other and then do like the Blues Brothers sort of cross your arms and lean in or whatever. It's super cringe. It is. Luckily the movie forgets about this about like seven minutes in, right? They do it three or four.

times. Yes, yeah, in those seven minutes. With less and less gusto. They wanted to make it a thing. Yeah, it's like less and less enthusiastic from her every single time. I think they stopped doing it because the actress just refused.

She's like, look, I'm 45. I'm not doing this anymore. This is beneath me. I'm going to throw my back out if I do this again. Yeah. So, okay, so now it's time. They've come to sign up for the big race. There's this dumb ass scene where the lady

that's signing her up is like, oh, I've heard of you. Lindsay McCabe. You're famous in high school swimming. circles. But you've heard of her because you're one of the organizers of the swim meet and she's one of the competitors. Like the name probably came up. Yeah. It says it right on the sheet she's looking at. I've heard of you. You're the 11th name now. And she says the same spiel to everybody about how the ticket works. Like you need your ticket to get back in. And she says it in exactly the same like torn a voice to every single person in the queue. Like she's a very

limited NPC in a video game and you've run out with dialogue options. I do like that she has to explain to these idiots how tickets work though. Yeah. So, Okay, so now we're going to meet Coach, who is the co-writer of the film, right? This is the swim coach guy. Oh. Who has 100% had gender-affirming surgery done on his face. There is, I mean, look, and it's not good gender-referring surgery, but it's definitely gender-affirming surgery. Keep that in mind as we work our way through the movie.

Yeah, I had him as a shaved gorilla who's got mumps is the best way I could describe it. He's a shaved gorilla with mumps. Fair. So at one point in our notes, Cecil has dropped in a photo of this guy like of a close-up where you can see his facelift scars or whatever. I saw nothing else

when I looked at this guy for the rest of the fucking food after that, yeah. You can totally see it, dude. It's like they, it's like a fucking reversible bag or something. They just pulled his face inside out. And you can totally see. So, also, okay,

we get this constantly on these, movies, right? Because this guy was writing this movie and they're like, well, what sport should the girls that you coach do? And he's like, well, which is the one where they had the least clothes on, right? So they went with swimming. But nobody in this movie, involved with this movie knows anything about swimming. Right? So now he's got to coach, he's got to give coaching advice to the, to the swimmers. And so he says, and I quote, we need to get in the water and do what we do. Yeah. Earning every cent of that paycheck he gets.

The other thing he says as well is, remember, never confuse movement with action. But what does that mean in a swimming context when the race is just moving? It's just move. There's not a wait and see element to a swing. You'll play the long game. Yeah, right.

See what strategy the other swimmers are used? No, not so much. So the coach leads him in prayer. Uh-huh. And then he sends everybody away, but he holds on to Lindsay. He's like, Lindsay, stay back. You're the main character here.

And so he gives her some special. special advice, which includes the do-what-you-do line again. Yep. Dad comes up and he's like, mom would be so proud of you if she hadn't recently died. Yeah. Just want to put that in your head right before. She hasn't been tragically backstole, read. Yeah.

So, yeah, but dad's super nervous. So now the meat is about to start. You can tell from all the jingoism. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The subtitles at this point say, the star-spangled banner. and then in parentheses, patriotic music. Yeah, I just guess if you're wasn't sure.

And then they cut to the breathing scene. There's like a whole breathing scene. Long breathing scene. It sounds like it sounds like, because it's a swimming thing, but that all you're hearing is breathing and not a lot of splashing. So it sounds like they're all competing against Darth Vader for the prize of the day. Yes. Hey, we can't see who's the competitor next to her.

It may well be Darth Vader. We'll find out that they're on the bank guy of this movie after all. Also, I love this bit, too, because now we're going to see the one swim competition in the entire movie, right? But these people couldn't figure out how exactly they wanted to shoot this. So what they did is they just edit like every 14th of a second to a new camera angle until it's over. Yeah. If you're not seasick after this, let me tell you, man. Yeah, right.

This is very much they were proud that they were able to afford an underwater. and they would try to get as much use of that as possible. Oh, you're right, because they did that bit where it's coming out of the water and going back in and coming out of it. And they're like, look, you can submerge it. You can take it out. You can submerge it. So, yeah, but it's so poorly done that we can't tell who won at the end. Well, and really quickly, though, there's a point, right?

So this is a race, guys. We're not watching anything but a swim competition that is. Yeah. They fire a gun. They jump in the water. They go back and forth. an average number of times, they don't really show

kind of how far they go and then somebody wins. But during the race, the people are writing things down as if they're judging some sort of competition. You know, the only judge in this competition

is the time. That's literally all you need. You don't need to be like, I'll tell you, I was going to give it to four because she had the best time, but I'm going to give it to five just because of that awesome backstory.

Well, maybe that's, they're writing down the time. as they go. The other thing is, right, the other thing is at the end, like she's lost, she comes in second to a mystery competitor and is very much kind of like,

who was that? But how did you lose to the person one lane over to you from you when you were stood next to them at the start? How are they still in mystery to you? I'm not to find out that they're two foot taller than her, and she didn't notice at the start line when you just stood about a foot away

from the entire time. Yes. But the winner, gets out and everybody's like, wait, is that a boy? Yeah. And this is the other swimmer is played by Trey Ragar the third. So I looked them up on IMDB. Interestingly, on our IMDB, there is a self-verified section where Trey himself has chosen to fill

in the details, including his pronouns of he, him. Other actors in this movie don't have their pronouns listed, which means he has chosen to do that. Nice. Yeah. Other things he's done, if you got to his IMDB page, it says he's best known for 2023s, attack of the meth gator in which he performed stunts

under the pseudonym, Ronald Rhaegar. So that is the bad guy on the movie here. Outstanding. And possibly the universe. We don't know. But yeah. So now we can to all the swimmers, they're at the swim meet lunch thing, pizza party,

whatever, and they're all transphobia in together. The poor person who won the race has to sit over by themselves against the wall with their head down and their hair over their face. The whole time. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, everybody loudly talks about how she's not really a girl. Yeah. Like, right in front of them. Yeah. And this is the first moment where it feels like the movie is surprisingly sympathetic, is way more sympathetic than I expected. Like, nobody in this movie is

pretty like, of the named characters are being particularly mean to the swimmer who's trans or is playing a trans swimmer in this. I thought, it's strange that it's so sympathetic. Even the court just saying, well, you know, we need to be respectful of the decision, which obviously is exactly how a coach that insisted on a prayer at the side of the pool would handle this in real life. No kidding, right? But it's weirdly sympathetic. Yeah, well, we'll come back to that

because it does that several times. And it's a trick. It's not that it's a good movie, yeah. Yeah. Or it's not even that there's a good element in the movie or whatever. But so then they bring the pizza, everybody's like, anybody wants some pizza?

And they're all like, yeah. And they bring in like six boxes of Little Caesars and everybody's like, never mind. We'd never see anyone eat any of the pizza. Yeah, this movie had takeaway pizza. It's a box money, but not take one of pizza money, which is rough. It didn't look like there was anything in it. They were just moving the boxes around is awesome.

So the fact that the boxes are not the pizza is rough given that this movie also has Dean Cain and Kevin Sorball, who presumably therefore cost less than five pizzas. Well, they ate all the pizza is what it is. That's how they got that man, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Unlimited supply of Little Caesars and Dean Cain's like, I don't think you know how much little Cesar's you just bought. Yeah, there's no such thing is unlimited to Dean Cain's.

there is a moment too if we're going to talk about transphobia there is a moment because they're talking about this person in front of them sort of next to them

and then the dad and the daughter get there's the person who took their ticket earlier comes over to tell them about how disgusted they are

and they literally make an ick sound they turn look and they're like and then they walk it's so grotesque and disgusting and transphobic

and awful And you're like, that's one of the heroes, or at least representing the hero's point of view in this movie. Right. Well, but I think this is the movie's way of saying, see, we're not like that person. We wouldn't say it right in front of them and then go, we would just make a movie about how they're mentally ill. I was going to say, you've made the movie. Yes, right. You're the one's making this.

Yeah. Right. But Dad's furious because now Lindsay won't make it to regionals, which means she won't get a college scholarship. Yep. And that's the big conceit of the whole. movie is that they don't ever mention that the American system is essentially the fucking hunger games when it comes

to going to college. They don't ever mention that. They just mentioned, well, it's because they're taking away opportunities to other people. Not that America doesn't fucking bother to educate its fucking citizens. Exactly, yeah. And the conceit doesn't work at all. I mean, she's lost one race. It's still considered

a fantastic swimmer. Yes. At one point, we're going to find out she's in the top five in the county. And as long as there are, like, more than one, scholarships, she's in for it regardless. So it completely blows this time. It doesn't make any sense. If there's more than four, she's definitely.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But then, and then, so they go to leave in a huff, and the trans girl comes up and thanks Lindsay for losing. Yeah. Or I guess. Or letting her be in the race kind of thing. Yeah.

Yeah. So then, so Lindsay goes back to her room and thinks about making swimming great again, I guess. Yeah. And she just flops down blindly on the bed. And I wrote, you can't just do that because your laptop might have phase back into existence. I have no idea where it is right now. And she's supposed to be all sad and everything,

but at one point she talks to her stuffed giraffe and she does this stuffed giraffe voice talking back to her and I'm like, all right, well, that's disturbing to see a 40-year-old do that at all, but it also undercuts the I'm really depressed thing that you are going for, right? Yeah, and it is the fattest

giraffe plushy I have ever seen. I shouldn't body shame the giraffe blushing, but that thing is sick. Hey, we're going to save our body-shame. for Dean Cain, okay? Yeah, that's fair. That is fat. Yeah, I think that that giraffe posse could make it through the ice.

Obstable course. So, okay. So, but meanwhile, dad is at the mysterious disappearing, reappearing laptop, learning about how them transes are taking over women's sports. Look out. Look at, I found Ben Shapiro's sight. Yeah, right. Now I'm ready to kill everybody with facts and logic.

Yeah, dad says, I want to sue them. And I'm like, trans people. And he's like, I think so. He solely says that, yes. Literally everyone involved. Anyone who's ever met a trans person, he wants to sue them at this point. Yes.

And he even says to her at this point as well, Lindsay, this isn't just about you. And I wanted to carry on. It's about my bigotry. And also a little bit about my unaddressed sexual curiosity about something I'm pretending I only Googled for the first time just this second and never before. Do not check the history.

So this is such a minor correction to make Marsh, but the line is not, this isn't just about you. Or that I'm sure that's the line. it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be this isn't just about you or this isn't about just you. But what he actually says is

this just isn't about you. And they fucking captains. Sorry, it's just such a minor thing, but it's so fucking stupid. And then he goes on, he starts listing their talking points, right?

He's like, in Texas, there was a lifelong cheerleader. I'm like, lifelong that didn't get to be in there because of a trans girl wanted to play. And then there's a woman who got us, a volleyball spiked on her nose by a trans girl

and I'm like, oh, since no other people were ever injured in women's sports, she probably... Never happened. In soccer, you've got boys crippling girls on the field, is what he said. He does say that. He's just recounting stories he half understands about other trans people in college sports.

Like he's Joe fucking Rogan basically. We've seen so much of this lately. I did want to... I did kind of envision two soccer trans kids dress like the road warriors from WWE. Just like lifting someone over their head and breaking their back. Yeah, like Bain. Yeah, exactly.

And then he says, and I quote, this transgender is getting out of hand. Yikes. And then he delivers kind of the movie's primary argument. He says, God made man and God made woman. And the daughter, Lindsay, goes, well, it's more complicated than that. And he goes, no, it isn't. Go to your room and find your computer right now. And again, I was just transfixed by his hair.

He has the most, like, fascinating hair. It's, he's got half a full head of hair. It's like he's got, what I can only describe as an unemployed mullet. In like, the party is still there at the back, but there is no business taking place out front. Amazing. So, okay, so now unemployed mullet, that's all I'm going to call him for me on,

is calling lawyers to see if one of them will sue transatlose. for him. Yeah. The first lawyer he talks to says, and I quote, the government is removing all the due process for any of this to be argued. That guy didn't look. That guy didn't even read the script, let alone look like a lawyer. Right.

Come on. Oh, yeah. I looked at this guy. He's such a bad actor. I had to look him up. I thought, is he just a real lawyer who paid to be in the film? Apparently, he is an actor, but this is his first acting job. And he's done two other jobs.

And they are both absolutely gamworthy. Oh, really? 100%. It's amazing. Awesome. I'll have to tag him after we're done. So, yeah,

and he goes, he's like, you know, look, if I represent you, then all the pro trans people will attack me. And I'm like, yes, oh,

those pro trans people sure are known for their violence. The pro trans people. Yeah, and their well-funded litigation as well. Yeah, right, very famous. And again, just because this sure is that this film

does not understand even itself, at one point he says, well, in the race, they ran a transgender boy against her. It's like, but even in the conceit of this movie, he's either you think he's a boy or it's a trans girl

but the one thing it isn't it's a transgender boy it's not what you said right right but yeah so we get him like getting laughed out of rooms by other lawyers

he's crossing names off of his little lawyer list lawyers we see his lawyer list lately and I'm pretty sure one of the lawyers he's seen is called crystal broth I think that's what it's

that's what I read Yeah. Yeah, names are hard. I love, too, like one of the lawyers literally laughs him out. I'm like, good, laugh him out. Yes. Get him out of there. Yeah.

So, okay, so, but now a sad cello kicks in, and he's just not even sure if he was to keep doing it. So it goes to a church to sort it all out. And this is a really shit-looking church. Because this is, the location is on an island in the middle of a very busy road, like a two-lane either side road. It's such a bad place for a church. How many of their elderly parishioners get lost on the way to church?

given that they've got across this major road. It might be smart. It might be a smart place. Like, put him there. You've got a frog of your way to church on something. Well, and it's so very clearly a church that just should have been torn down when they built this fucking highway.

But the church was like, no. And we're at church, so you can't make us. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so, but then the pastor comes and sits with him and following the rules of movies, neither of them can look at each other during any part of this. What is that?

It's amazing. What is that? I mean, at least this time, they both sit in the same pew. Normally they sit in different pews from one another. What an awesome if they're across the church for each other, just having a really loud conversation. But it's so weird because they sat like touching shoulders,

staring straight forward. It just makes it look like they're too bad to me like remembering their lines and they both have to read the auto cue. That's all it kind of looks like to me. That might be it. Yeah, but he explains to the pastor that his daughter lost to his words, a boy in a swim race. And the pastor sure is disgust.

by trans people. He repeats the God-created man, God-created women thing, right? Yeah. He goes, you don't have to believe it. It's just fact. And then he explains that the people who are pushing

the trans-agenda are on the devil's side. Yeah. We're working for Satan. And is this what he says about new genders? He says, every other day, they come up with a new gender. And I wrote, okay, how does that work?

It's like a Monday, Wednesday, Friday thing or they keep it strictly to every second day. So they're essentially working a shift pattern over two weeks. Every other day. Yeah, for sure. He goes, but, you know, they try to make it all complicated, but God is simple. And I'm like, yep.

Yeah. He also says, people can't even explain what a woman is. And I want to say, look, it's quite simple, you see. God took a rib out of Adam and cabaret it into a vagina. And that's how this happens. So, yeah, we need to tell you what a woman is. We got to define and classify it. That's called patriarchy.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Sure is. But yeah, he doesn't know that the pastor doesn't even know if America can survive if there are trans people. So he says, I have a lawyer friend that can help. He's a bit different. Yeah, he knows a guy. He even hands him the number without looking at him as well.

Like at no point does he even look across the hand in the number. And honestly, like at this point, they do leave. And I want the pastor to sit back down and just wait for the next guy to come in And, like, backstory to him without looking at it. That's all he does. Just sit there in that one pew. Right. Yeah.

So, okay, so, but dad goes to see this mysterious lawyer, and this lawyer is quite disheveled. Sure is. And so he starts explaining the story and the lawyer is, you know, they're just doing the lawyerly onboarding conversation here. Yeah. There's a very weird detail. That was such, it was a minor thing.

We flash past it. We go into this scene looking at flags in the lawyers. They want to say office. It's very clearly just a house. that they're trying to make it look like an office because they don't have office money. They've just got Joe's house because he said his wife's out

for the next couple of hours. But to try and make it look like an office, they've got some flags in there and they've got an American flag and then they've got a saltire or the Scottish flag and then they've got the royal banner of Scotland like a red lion on a yellow background

and okay, I thought they're laying that on thick and then the guy isn't Scottish in any way just a big fan of the country. I guess that was just in Joe's home office or whatever. This is office. Where are they all these flags? I don't know.

This is where they're going, like, couldn't they just test these athletes for XX, X, X, Y chromosomes? Oh, God. Yeah. Ah, this fucking idiots. And the lawyer looks a bit like John Travolter's had to go undercover

to try and escape the rumors. That's what he looks like here. The lawyer goes, do you have any money? And dad's like, no. And I'm like, I feel like, that's going to be a problem. But. Apparently not. No, like, clearly not.

But the lawyer, though, he just so happens to have on his desk, a pamphlet about gender that some angry parent brought in. So apparently this is just where all the transphobes meet. Yeah. And would you call it a pamphlet? No. Because it's very much just a single A4 printout.

So this movie didn't have one pamphlet money. That's the level of money this movie did not. It didn't even have fold the paper money because that's what a pamphlet is spent. And the other thing I've got to say about this lawyer's appearance, his tie is made out of exactly the same material and pattern as his shirt. and it feels like he's just about to give us a life hack about how Taylor's have to give you the off cut. I 100% miss this when I first watched it, right?

And then I come back and I looked at Marshall's notes and I stopped it. I was like, fuck me. It is exactly the same thing. It is. That's fucking amazing. So, yeah, so they spend a bunch of time making fun of literally the modern biological understanding

of gender, no matter which side of this fucking argument you're on. doesn't one of them say like, do you ever feel like a woman? And the other one's like, I never feel like a woman. And then they try and to dust their hands up and feel like nobody ever feels like a woman. Do you guys want to go off for a beer now? Are we done?

Is that it? Exactly. As though that helps their side, then I'm like, yeah, right. Right, because you're sis, you fucking idiots. And the thing is as well is, if they'd have brought that argument to the court room, it would have been a more convincing argument than the one they actually in mind. Honestly, if they just turned to Dean. So much better.

Yeah. Do you feel like a woman? So yeah. But with no discussion of payment whatsoever, he decides he'll take the case. So we see him circle this guy's name on the list. They did at one point, though, have a coffee cup that is clearly empty on the desk that he knocks over and screams for his assistant again. But they didn't even have coffee in the mug money. They had empty coffee cup money.

That's what they had. Right, because Joe is right there going, like, if you spill shit on my mahogany, fucking desk, my wife is going to kill me. They didn't have coffee money. They certainly didn't have assistant money because it'll be a running thing that he keeps shouting for his assistant, but there will be no assistance. There's not even an extra. What a weird joke that is.

I don't know what that's trying to say other than this guy is either incompetent or schizophrenic in some kind of way. Yeah, one or the other. All right, well, believe it or not, that was pretty much act one. So we're going to take ourselves a quick break, but we're back in a minute. it with even more of and God made man and then when she opens the box

a bunch of stuff just like explodes out and it all scatters all over the place butterflies how old's your mom 76 and you think that's a good idea no not really but ever since I exited these sloppily made Christmas ornaments

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Terms and conditions apply. Awesome. I could even put it like a, like a picture of my handprint on it. I don't see why you want to, but man, sure. Well, I think she would get it. Probably not, though. No, probably not. Hey, guys, welcome to the second ever writer's room meeting for Ant-God made men.

Woo! Yeah. Now, obviously, last time we ran into a few snags, what with none of us knowing anything about how court works. It turns out it's called a gavel. by the way. Huh. Yeah. So to help us this week, though,

I thought I'd bring in a legal consultant. Guys, please welcome Abermeier Crawfordshire Third Esquire. Okay. Can you please say my name in all capital letters, though? I'm sorry, what do you mean? It protects me from future liability

by maintaining my status as a freeman on the land. Okay, but I don't know how to say a name in capital letters, man. Objection. Oh, um... Sustained. Oh, no.

Now, gentlemen, it's important that you understand when you're writing your courtroom scenes that anybody is allowed to talk at any moment. I do not think that's true. Jerry, give him a minute, man. This guy drove all the way here

from way the hell out. Excuse me, excuse me. It's very, very important that we don't say I drove. You need a driver's license for that. Oh, right, yeah. So he was conveyed all the way here from... No, no, no good.

That would require a license plate. It's best if we say I transpired all the way here. That's not even what the word means. Also, very, very important. Lawyers get bonus points if they make the audience laugh or clap. Hmm. I didn't know there were points. Yeah, that's why you need me.

Obviously, Jerry. Now, if you'll just excuse me, I've been squatting in this office for long enough that it's actually mine now, and I think it's time for you gentlemen to leave. I do not think that's how it works. Objection. Oh, man. And we're back for more of this shit.

We're going to rejoin the action with dad getting home to tell Lindsay all the good news about the lawyer. She goes, how are you going to pay him? He says, I think he's free. And the thing is that he has no idea if the lawyer is going to charge him at all. That's a bad sign for all elements of this case. Right. How good is he a lawyer? It means you have a terrible lawyer or you've got a good lawyer and you're bankrupt now.

Like a good lawyer, a no house. There's not a lot of chance he's a good lawyer. Right. But we learn here that transness has ruined Lindsay's dream. She doesn't even care about swimming anymore. What's the point? Oh, yeah. She's getting competition flashback.

She starts getting actual flashback. You lost one race, just one, like 100-meter race, I think it was. She'll be fine. I don't want to be a dick, but maybe if you practice more, you wouldn't lose. That's what I'm saying. So now we get her at school. She's, like, admiring all the trophies of past high school swimming grades that she'll never join that pantheon, you know. Yeah.

That no one will remember in two years for those people, yeah. But then Lindsay is called to the office, right? And again, it's just, she's like 26 years old. Look, it's just, it seems creepy that she's in a high school, to be honest with. Yes, it really does. She looks like a predator there. Also, we know she gets called to the office because she walks through a door with office written in huge letters above it, just the word office. And also, I don't know if you spotted this,

some pretty visible racist posters of Native American mascots as well. Oh, no. Stuck on the side of the office door. There was also, like, as she's walking into the office, there's like kind of like a little cheeky, almost upskirty shot that happens there. That's really uncomfortable.

I don't know if you guys got that. Yeah, yeah. I think it's a director, I think the director did that scene and then said, it's not technically an upskirt if she's not in a skirt, if she's just in a small pair of shorts. Yeah, she's technically speaking, is, and an old skirt shop.

I'm kind of curious who was wordrobing this girl, right? Because she's never, like, if she's out of a bathing, she's wearing like shorts out to her ass, geez, the entire. Yeah, right? Even in court, right? Even in fucking court. So, but now they call her to the office because they want to speak with her and the coach about these calls they're getting from some lawyer

that wants to know all about this meat. Yeah, and I feel like the school doesn't call in the pupil to ask about legal requests they've received about that student. Probably not. And then also, like, pressuring the student about the case. Like, this is immediately prejudicial behavior that I'm sure would be frowned on in court. It feels like something a lawyer wouldn't do, definitely wouldn't get past HR with that one. You wouldn't think, yeah.

So, but she leaves. They're like, oh, wow, we're going to get in a lot of trouble. So she leaves. And then they sit there with the coach. And for reasons that have nothing to do with the movie and everything to do with the fact that this is the guy who wrote the thing and he wanted to say some transphobia too, the coach just goes off on all these damn trans genders and the fact that there's over a hundred genders now. Yes.

Yeah, they say, like, we've got to support every student, no matter their gender. And he said, that's got to be hard now. There's over 100 genders. But, like, obviously, there's not 100 genders. But even if it was, why would that make it hard? It's the same number of students. You're still supporting the same number of students.

It's not like they split, like, cell division when they get a new gender. And the other thing, because this, this, all the way through this movie, the sets are dressed just terribly. They make no sense. The poster board behind them is completely bare. It's just in the principal's office, there is an entire poster board, and there is nothing on it.

It's amazing. Your message here, yeah. This is also where the coach says, I have a fictional movie character in my 11th grade gym class, and I have to treat her that way. What could that possibly mean? I don't understand what that could, what they think that might mean. Dude, at this point, the movie, I wrote my notes. I'm like, I'm calling it now.

We're going to see litter boxes in this school's bathrooms before it's over. We don't. Oh, yeah. But I was ready for it. But, yeah. I also realize at this point, this movie definitely thinks that sport is more important than learning. This movie definitely thinks that the coach is the most important position in the school here. You're right.

The most correct person in any given school. Yep. And he says at this point, he goes, the very heart of sport is at stake here. Yeah, it's fine, mate. Don't worry about it. Yeah. They also say, too, like, that it's popular. they're like, oh, well, it's just popular now to get to be trans.

And I'm like, it's popular to get mercilessly ridiculed and then ignore it at a pizza party when you won the race? That sounds like it sucks, bro. Right? It's not ideal. It's not great. Ah. So, yeah, so, but then we cut to Dad and Lindsay doing their own research.

We get this montage. Jesus fucking Christ. So in the montage, like, Lindsay is swimming, right? Because she's the swimmer. Yeah. Coach is coaching because he's the coach. Lawyer is lawyering, you know, because he's the lawyer. What the far?

What fuck is dad doing? I don't know. Yeah, dad is helping the lawyer work on the case by reading through law books with them. And if you have to ask, if your lawyer asks to you to, like, sit next to them and go through the law books with them, you've already lost your case. Do you want to be my sidekick? Right. Yeah, exactly.

It's great. This is where we end the montage with one of the, like the walls of evidence, like a yarn and pushpin type of thing. But like for that, like, let's put all our evidence on the wall. And it's amazing. It's just A4 pages stuck to the wall. and they've each got a single sentence printed on them. And one of them, it just said, one of the entire piece of paper printed on it,

it says, is it fair for males to compete in women's sports? And then they've handwritten, no. No. Did that need to be on the wall? Did that need to go on the evidence wall? Was that a big day? I love the fact that that, like, what ended up happening is they printed it out. It wasn't supposed to have to have the no on it.

But nobody involved with this movie could walk by it without just writing no on. on it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So earlier in the, in the movie, there's a pamphlet, what they call a pamphlet. It's literally just a sheet of paper that they handed out that had a thing called the gender bread man, right?

So it's like this thing earlier that we talked about. Well, they do this sort of ominous slow shot where they spin the camera around the, like they are digging through the evidence. And this is the scariest thing that they receive. Like, they're going to come on and like pick it up with tweezers and put it in an evidence bag. in a few seconds. Yeah. Oh, God, it's so good.

Another of the piece of papers on the wall, it's got printed on it. What is the science? And they've written four bullet points on that piece of paper, the first of which is fair playing field, which, strictly speaking,

is not a scientific. That is not the science of being trans. Well, first of all, all the scientists would say, fair playing field, that's science. Yeah. And it's amazing because at one point, I think the lawyer even says to him,

you know, most cases that are presented like this, get dismissed without making it to trial. It's like, what, presented a scrolled-nought attack to a war. Yeah, I imagine they do, mate. So, yeah, but then the lawyer has to meet with Lindsay and the coach. This is where we learned that the coach got fired for being a raging transphobe. Great, right? Because, like, just in the middle of a meeting, he started, like, yelling about the minority

and the school that he disliked so good. Yeah, exactly. Like, go do a podcast with Dave Dobbinmeyer, like, coach not a call. coach. Go do a podcast with that guy. But yeah, but so at this point, too, we get what Marsh was talking about, that weird sympathy, right? Because Lindsay picks up a picture of the trans girl and she goes like, you know, she thanked me. I wonder maybe if it's not worth ruining this girl's life over this. Yeah. Right? And they're like, oh, no, it is. First of all, I'm going to need you to misgender her,

but also idiot. 100%. Man. Yeah. The lawyer says to her, look, we're not going to attack him all his feelings that he's a woman. And I wrote, other than in that sentence. Yeah, exactly. Now I'm done. Now I'm done. And bear in mind, this is all based on the Riley Gaines case. And in real life, they absolutely did attack Leah Thomas personally and viciously over and

again. Yes. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, so, but they have that. And now it's time for us to go to court. Yeah. Our court at the state capital building in Sacramento, I looked it up. It's not a fucking regular courthouse.

They did a drone show. out of the state capital building in Sacramento. It's got a dome. It counts. And just on the poisoning the well here, the swimmer, the trans swimmer shows up in a suit with an open neck shirt, deliberately presenting them as male here to make this point. Yeah. It's so shitty.

I loved it so much. There was a commenter on YouTube that said, and if he thinks of himself as a girl, why did he dress day after day in court as a male as though they'd scored a point? Nailed it. It's like a documentary. What are you talking about? Yeah, well, there was another one that said, what a stellar cast and another one that said,

well, there's no shortages of tears and tissues, so I don't think we can trust any of those folks. I'm dying to know what part of this movie they cried as. But this is where we meet his honor, Dean Cain presiding. Yeah. And honestly, it is such a shame that we're all now way too mature and grown up to make fun of people's appearances. Because there is a lot that we could make fun.

of here, like at least 60% more than when he was in Superman, just by volume alone. And, okay, I realize, I realize that joke is me having my cake and eating it. But in fairness, that's what got Dean came into his position. Well, let me just say he does not look to be in obstacle course shape. I'm just going to say that much about him. He looks like an obstacle. Absolutely. Yes.

Yeah. So, yeah. And then so he gets in and he's like, oh, right. we're ready to start the case. And then the court erupts with the 11 and a half extras that they could muster to play the pro-LGB folks that were going to get out of hand in the courtroom. Yeah. Yeah, those damn human rights.

Yeah, because it's their argument constantly that these people can't deal with any facts. So they have to act emotionally. So they're going to have an outburst in the court rather than have like a real conversation. But we're going to get a chance to find out what that real conversation is. and it's the most laughable thing you've ever heard. Yeah. Well, but it's that, but it's also what serves a practical filmmaking purpose

to explain why this big, important case only ever has three goddamn people scattered around. Nine people in there. And three of them are court reporters or whatever. Yeah, right, right. But yeah, so, but Dean Kane clears the chambers, right? And he's like, all right, well, this isn't really the trial. This is just we're going to decide if we're going to do a trial.

You guys are going to do witnesses or what? And they're all like, like, Like maybe, maybe we'll do witnesses, yeah. Outstanding. Also, one of the witnesses is the pastor that, like, why is, that he chatted to about the lawyer earlier? Yeah, it's how we got the lawyer's number. Why is they, that guy there?

Who the fuck is that dude? Maybe he gets like a referral bonus. Maybe that's his, like, his little tastes. You know, expert witnesses, like sometimes expert witnesses get paid. So he puts you on to his lawyer guy, his lawyer guy gets him in. They've got a whole thing going on. It's great. Yeah.

This is where we start to hear, like, for one thing, Dean Kin is kind of picking up all the papers and trying to read the notes of the case. And there is no way in the world those papers don't just include the words of the actual script he's currently reading out all the way through. 100%. So, yeah, he goes, like,

so can you cite some misleading statistics to support your transphobia? Yeah, exactly. They say physical and sexual abuse has risen 34% in high schools where we see gender crossover in neutral locker rooms. And I wrote, oh, this movie's going to win the case by just making facts up in the...

I mean, you know, look, I'm, I, yeah, I have no idea where the fuck that number came from. I couldn't find it anywhere in the goddamn universe. But, like, if there's an increase in physical and sexual abuse in those, I would assume that's people beating up trans kids. That's just a gas. I mean, I don't know if it's even real, but yeah. But the bad guy lawyer, the lady lawyer, Janet, she steps up at this point and she goes, well, you know, trans people are more likely to be the victims of abuse.

and the good guy lawyer, right? Our hero goes, well, I disagree. Yeah, that's the entire argument. That's it. That's the end of it. I disagree and the data disagrees. None of the data that he's presenting at any point because the data does not disagree with that at all.

No. No. And Dean Cane, we should point out, like at no point does he even pretend to be objective about this? No, yeah. Right? Like even his character is like,

yeah, no, fuck those trans people, right? He keeps doing smackdowns on the pro transloids. Yeah. Is there ever a shot where Dean Kane is on screen at the same time in the same shot as any of the other people? I think, like, I don't think he's in the room for most of the court scene. I don't think so. I was trying to, I was looking for him and Sorbo to be in the same shot together. I don't think they ever were. I think there's a shot where you can see like a judge's hand in the foreground and Sorbo in the background, but that's that, yeah. Yeah, I think there's a shot with Dean Keen and a later witness in the background, and that's literally it. I wonder whether they didn't have Dean Cain for a lot of this film

and then they realized they could get Dean Cain and brought him in as the judge because he's just not seen with anyone else pretty much in the entire film, I didn't wonder about that. I would imagine he did this from his fucking living room or something. So, but then he's like, they're arguing about doing chromosomal testing of high school athletes and Janet is saying like, well, you don't need to do that. I have no idea.

Like they give this character a name like eight minutes before the movie's over. But I have a doubt as lady lawyer. throughout my notes, and that seems disrespectful. But Janet's like, well, you know, we're going to show that that's not true. And Dean Kane goes like, well, I suppose you have an expert witness for that, do you? Yeah.

He's very sneery about the prospect of experts on anything. Okay, that tracks. That makes sense. Don't you make me come over this bench? Because I will not make it. I actually won't make it over the bench. I'll be stuck over here the whole time. Like the ice obstacle course.

I'll be stuck right here. Like the fake John Travolta lawyer, He says, if we test for XX and XY chromosomes, that will clearly show male is physiologically more advantageous in every case. It's like the chromosome test is going to show physically advantageous in every case. What do you think the chromosome contains? Like a list of when men are better than women, if you zoom right in. It's like to get on into the chromosomes. Well, he also claims that there are no female to male trans athletes, which is fucking nonsense.

Of course there is. But you're just not mad. about it as all. Yeah, exactly. You're just 100% not mad about it. But then he's doing his big, his first big courtroom speech. So YouTube drops another ad right in the middle.

Nice. Yeah, that's good. So, but Dean Kane needs a break for a shit. So he takes a recess. Yeah, his script is run out. He's got the bottom of that piece of paper. Yeah, he needs the next piece of paper. Yeah, so they can't just hand it to him.

So, but this is the scene where, like, Lindsay runs to the vending machine for a soda and the trans girl, like, sneaks out to follow her. When she gets to Vendom Machine, I really wanted, like, her to find that the transomers has already taken literally every one of the drinks out of the vending machine. Like, God damn! She beat me again.

But, yeah, but so, and then we have another very sympathetic moment where the trans girl, and Alex, Alex, Alex is this character's name eventually, where Alex says, you know, like, oh, man, I'm really sorry that this is all happening. And she's like, yeah, it's really rough on us. And Alex is like, oh, you. It's rough on you. you, huh? And she says, hey, you know, at least your dad supports you. You don't see my parents in that courtroom, do you? Woof. Yeah, right? That sounds like the kind of thing we'll never

come back to at any point. Well, you'll come back to it, but it'll be during a phone conversation. Yeah. All right. Yeah. There's this moment that happens at the, at the, you know, sorry to get a little serious here, but there's a moment there where they're having this conversation where Marsh, you know, had mentioned earlier like sometimes there's some like moments in this movie are like wow this actually did you film this it seems like you're not you're you're not making the point you set out to make yeah and in this particular scene what is really shown is like hey if we just left this up to the kids no one would fucking care if it wasn't the hunger games for fucking college nobody would fucking even think about this yeah it's totally fine it's just these

two kids are like hey you seem pretty cool and the one's like yeah you seem pretty cool hey cheers let's cheers our colas and go back into this courtroom right she literally says like hey you know whatever you say i'll accept are you a girl or a boy which is a dick thing because like Alex has made it very clear that she's a girl right but but she's just i'm a girl i've always felt that way and she's like oh okay i will treat you as such for the rest of our relationship now i also want to like while we're being serious anyway i want to point out that the sympathy thing here is that they are trying ultimately to present Alex as a victim of transgender ideology. Yes. Yes. Like it's a very, you know, hate the sin, not the sinner kind of a message

that the movie goes out of its way to show that like, you know, oh, these Christians would be very accepting if they would just admit that it's, you know, a terrible mental disorder that needs to be conversion therapy out of them or whatever, right? Or they retreat to it because of abuse and you'll find that out later on. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But so, okay, so we go back into court and Dean Kane has some thoughts that he'd like to share. Before they left, though, there's a moment where the lawyer looks down before they even leave. Oh, yes. And he looks down and he sees the ticket.

And he grabs the ticket and he's like, and he's looking at it. And he toss in his hand. And I wrote my, I'm like, Chekhov's ticket. He's going to figure out that ticket is the big thing. That's going to turn the whole case around in Act 3. And I just missed how long it would take for that. Right. It's going to come.

It's going to pay off for two seconds. Yeah, right. No, this is this movie's stupid-ass attempt to do the fucking, like, you know, the tire tracks a picture from my cousin Vinny or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cracks the case. So, Dean Cain, he's like, you know, I'm like, I'm one piece of last minute evidence away from saying, yes,

and letting this go try. And the lawyer's like, it's so stupid. And he goes, I actually have that evidence and he holds up the ticket. And Cecil goes, really already. And he's like, yep, already. And all right, listeners, get ready for the dumbest thing you're going to hear today. Genuinely, genuinely the stupid. This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen

in any cult room saying. It's amazing. It's so great. He goes, on the back of this ticket, it says that there would be no refunds except for acts of God. Yeah. Which means that this event accepts the existence

of God and if God exists, he must be an authority and therefore he would be the authority on who's a man and who's a woman. It's so embarrassingly stupid. man. And the lady lawyer, Janet, goes like, hey, is God going to come down here and be a witness? And he's like, no.

We get the first example of the canned laughter, right? Because he goes, unless he wants to. And then we get our canned laughter. And again, we can see everyone in the courtroom except Dean Kane. No one's laughing. Right? So unless Dean Kane is running around and laughing in six or seven different voices during the scene. Yeah, behind them is, is like the coach, the preacher.

and like two people in the audience and literally no one is even making a facial expression when the laughter hits. Right, but we hear a fucking, we hear laughter from the crowd. And he says, but we don't need God to testify because we've already accepted that the Bible is an authority.

Just look what we're swearing in on. And Dean King's like, I don't know. He's like, it's on our money. He goes, eh, he goes, it's on our Pledge of Allegiance. He goes, I'm sold. It's so stupid. He's going to allow it. He's going to allow it.

Allow what? Allow the Bible trumps the law of the land. Yes. I feel like if that's a thing that a judge can allow, he just wrought himself out of a job at that point. Right. What law are you upholding? Also, I mean, like this,

this is genuinely the stupidest thing I've ever seen. But it's even stupid in this movie thinks because that ticket, we established earlier, Lindsay didn't need a ticket because she was a competitor. The ticket was for the dad to get in. So the act of God is based on a refund. So at best, this can tell us about, whether her dad gets a refund or not.

And I really wanted the end of the case to be, he gets his like $7 back. So there we were. You've won the case. Here's $7. Oh, that's amazing. So bad. But Dean's like, it's so crazy.

It just might work. Jury selection starts next week because you know how fast courts are. Sure. Well, Dean specifically says, my schedule's free for the next few weeks. And I feel that wasn't in the script. It was just true about Dean King.

And then we get clapping from the non-existent. audience as well. Again, we can see everyone. Yeah, they clapped because they set a trial date. There wasn't anything that happened. Yes. And then Janet won't even shake Dr. Votasler's stupid stupid hand. Plus the like, like that thing used to do in grade school. You're like, psych. It's like one of those things. Right. Yeah. Right. She starts and then she like smooths her hair back or whatever. Yeah. So, okay. I did find the laughing by the way. The laughing found the sound effect is called small laughing. That's good.

They weren't overestimating it. That's good. They did a good job. Yeah, they had to find a very small room full of laughing. Right, yeah, there was a medium laughter and large laughter that came in that bundle, and they were... Yeah, they turned them down. They decided no. We'll say them for later.

Well, they probably cost more monies. Yeah. They're like, they hear the medium laughter, and they're like, what we can get for six bucks? Yeah. I will trade you this empty pizza box. and Dean Cain. Dean Cain didn't eat all of the crusts. You didn't eat all of the crusts.

So then we get this reaction montage to Dean Cain showing that he shouldn't be allowed to be a judge. Janet and her law partners are all freaking out. Then there's this newscaster voice that shows up and gives us this surprisingly detailed summary

of the movie up to this point. Yeah, yeah. What they give is, this is the opening line of it, in a surprise ruling, the judge is permitting to trial the very first and very controversial issue of allowing trans genders to participate in school athletics. And I felt that sentence really got away from you. You forgot how that started.

You really lost track. And I'm pretty sure the news would actually, if they wouldn't report on this, they'd lead on the even more surprising ruling that you can call God as an expert witness. Yes. Like, fuck news wouldn't lead that way. But everybody else would lead that way. Well, right. Yeah, yeah. I hope they call God and all the different big religious figures have to come in and play rock paper scissors to see who wins. It's like a... big, long, Rochambeau tournaments just to see. So, and this is also this newscaster is where he goes, the media are calling it the miracle on 34th Street for women's sports.

And I'm like, wow, you would have thought the media would have come up with a better name. That's clunky and stupid. Yeah, than using what is definitely the line the writers used to pitch this movie to the producers. That's what that is. That's the elevator pitch. Yeah. So we get more montage of lawyers, lawyering, swimmers, swimming, coaches, coaching and dad also working very hard.

He plays an important role. Being quirky and a bigot. Yes. All right. Well, I need a minute to see where that legal argument ranks on dumbest things that have ever happened in gam movies, right, on the list here. So we're going to take another quick break. But first, let me give Act 3 the Hard Sell.

Will anyone object to anything correctly during the court proceedings? Will both lawyers get an opening statement? Will either lawyer get a closing argument? no no and no so stick around and see what they do instead during the I shit you not sorboful conclusion of and God made man

hey Noah hey Eli what are you doing here oh I just thought I'd stop by and return your bowflex yeah you sure that's the only reason yeah yeah just giving back your your boflex So it didn't work for you? Actually, it was fine.

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I sure have. I started using FitBod when they first became a sponsor. I love that FitBod adapts to my workout schedule so I can work the muscles I need to and I'm never stuck with the same boring couple of exercises. All right, Eli, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Level up your workout. Join FitBod today to get your personalized workout plan.

Get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at FitBot.me. slash gam. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash gam. All right, Eli, thanks. So is Cecil. Eli, the judge was so clear. Yep, got it. I'm going. It's just incredibly clear. Nope, he was. He was.

And for my final expert witness on women's sports, I call to the stand, Boston Lady. Boston Lady, do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing about the truth so help you God? Oh, sparing whatever the fuck you want. Uh, close enough, I guess. Now, Boston Lady, you were a high school athlete. Were you not? your fucking sweet bippy I was. And what were your sports? Well, I did a knife fighting and competitive squirt. I don't think knife fighting

is a high school sport, ma'am. Why the fuck did I get a letter in it, Smarty Pants? I've just never heard of it. I'll fucking knife fight you right. Fucking know how to prove it. Okay, okay, that won't be necessary. Okay. And in your experience,

are men better at sports than women? Men aren't good at shit But getting me fucking pregnant Now, miss, I'm going to need you To respect a decorum of my court Hold the fuck on Who is the who are you? I'm the judge

No, I mean Where you're from? I know you Oh, I was on a little show Called Lois and Clark I never heard of it Was that it was a Superman show? Oh, would you play fucking Krypton?

I played Superman. Wait, not looking like that? didn't. Boston lady, will you please just answer the question? I'm sorry, what was the question again? Are men better than women at sports? Okay, how about me and Toby step into the obstacle course and we find out? A bailiff, have this woman removed!

Get your fucking hands off me! I'm pregnant! No, you're not. Well, you look pregnant. And we're back for still more of this shit, and we're ready for the big trial to begin. well, sorry, sorry, they're about to bring in the jury and Judge Dean Kane is like,

so do we have any pre-jury shenanigans that anybody wants to do? And Janet's like, does it matter? Because you're clearly a ridiculous bigot just making shit up as you go along. He's like, enough. It's like, okay. Holy shit.

Enjoy contempt. Man, fucking A. Yeah, I love how Janet is sat next to like the head of like legal for the NCAA or whatever it is. And he says to a, it's incredibly important we win this case. It's like, yeah, man, that's why we're here. What do you think that's going to do?

How much more motivation do you think it's going to give her? If it wasn't important, we would have just said, okay. Yeah, right, yes. It's been a lot of money and time here. All right, so now it's time for opening statements. Now, I see opening statements. This is fucking amazing. There's only going to be one.

Only the good guys. Only they are good guys get an opening statement. So he says, he opens up. He's like, there's just men and ladies. That's it. I mean, come on, duh. It's pretty much it. This is an opening statement.

I think its opening statement starts with yes. I think I wrote down that his first line of his opening statement is just, yes. It's like, good, no, that's solid. I sure am right. And he also says, and the defense, they're going to use words like bifobia. So why would they use words like biforbia? Nobody can use bisexual. This isn't about anyone being bisexual.

It's amazing. Yeah, he goes, you know, my own, my, he enters the biforbiased. Bible into evidence in his opening statement. You can enter evidence in your opening statement, by the way. He goes, my whole argument is based on a misunderstanding of the musings of thousands of years dead mystics. That's what I got.

Oh, she's guys. And then she's like, I'd like to talk during your opening statement. He's like, well, fuck. Yeah, she interrupts him. She takes this Bible. And then she starts talking like it's her turn in a rap battle. Yeah. She says, well, you know, God created people. But then God

created a rainbow. And to honest, I would have gone with, and then God told a guy to kill his baby, and then he drowned everyone, so maybe we don't use him as our legal arbiter, Hay. And then he'd fit all the animals in a single boat, and he turned somebody into salt? It's like, get the fuck out of here. Also, June is opening statement. He says, and now they're up to 187 genders. And I thought, wow, they were only in 100 earlier.

That's another 87 June making this movie. They're just churning these out like the way Thomas Smith turns out new podcasts. It's just keep coming up with new ones, but. So, yeah, but so she says The Bible actually agrees with me And she drops the Bible back And then he's like, well, I want to I want to start talking

You know, she goes like as she said to death She's like, you won't find any other passages That support your transphobia. And he's like, oh, I think I will. And so they rattle off like eight or nine bigoted passages of the Bible. Before he does, though, he's like, Judge, can I offer a rebuttal?

I'm like, dude, it's your opening statement. There's no rebuttal. You don't need to ask. Yeah, it's so good, it's so good. Like, this bears so little relationship to a courtroom, they might as well be forced to do with thumb wrestle to determine who's right, because this is just wild. Honestly, like, the fact that the judge is just,

he's allowed this to happen at all, I really wanted us to turn to the jury and see it was just the rest of the swim team. Like, fuck it, we've always filled the case about it. You might as well go all out on it. Yeah, so, okay, so, but what we've established now is that God says so is about, valid argument, we just need to establish what it is that God sets.

Yeah. And so, but now it's time for him to call his first witness. She doesn't get an opening statement. She only gets to heckle his, I guess. Yeah. And this leads us into the expert witness montage, which is really just a, let's all go around the room and say a transphobic talking point into the camera montage. It's 100% it.

Right. And then they use the canned laughter during part of this. So while they're making transphobic comments, they went back to the fucking royalty-free laughter they found earlier to stuff into the fucking edit. Yeah, like one expert witness says, women's sports shouldn't be the destination for failed male athletes. But like, that's not expert testimony.

That's just an opinion. Like all of these expert witnesses, it's just what your boomer auntie is sharing on Facebook. That's all this is. Right, there's that one random Karen that comes in to start yelling about, the books on trans genders that they're given the kids in the schools these days that are telling them to change their genders. And I'm like, what does this have to do with the swimming and God? Like, even if we establish that you're trying to figure out what God thinks of things, what would

that have to do with it? Right. And then they, then they're talking about like when the in God we trust was put on our money or when in God we trust or when under God was put into the pledge. It's like all that shit was put in in like the fucking 1940s, like late 90s. Like late in. 1940s, 19, because of the red scare. Do people not even know what's happening in your own country? Well, and let's keep in mind that they justify it being there by pretending it secular, right? So, and now they're trying to use it to justify their theatricality. Yeah.

So, so, yeah, so we get a bunch of, like, and honestly, it feels like so many of these expert witnesses were just people who randomly wandered in there and wanted to yell about transgender people and the fucking director was like, this is gold. Keep rolling. So, but then Dean Gain means another shit, right? So court is adjourned. He ate a lot of pizza crust. He's going to be in there for a while. So as they're leaving the court, though, the trans girl comes up and hands Lindsay a note.

Or a blank piece of paper. I mean, we see it's a fucking... Probably. They literally show us this completely blank piece of paper. This movie's so stupid. It can't do handing over a note properly. I think could have just written anything on it, But, yeah, so, but Lindsay goes back to her room and starts feeling bad about maybe ruining that girl's life forever over a fucking swim meet.

So she calls her. I guess the trans girl, Alex, had given her, her phone number. Yeah, and the thing is, right, it'd be quite easy for her to just, for a, you know, a well-made movie would have her kind of contemplating things and then spontaneously decided now is the time to call. This movie can't do that. So she goes into her bag and the note falls out of her bag. But we just saw the note in your hand five seconds ago. we didn't see you put it anywhere. You didn't need to establish where the note was.

Right. And also, it's not the same piece of paper. It's a totally different size of the same note. Or the note was much bigger. Yes, exactly. So she calls to Alex and Alex is putting together Legos. I don't know what they're trying to say with that. Well, I think what they're trying to say is there's a female Lego and a male.

No, they're both the same. It turns out. So, but Alex says, hey, do you hate me? And Lindsay's like, well, I don't even know you. And she says, you know, I never wanted to ruin your life. And I'm like, but you are, right? Like, you're going to continue to do that. You will continue to do that.

Yeah. This is where I wrote, does this movie know that the adults are the problem here? Like, everything else is fine. It's the adults who are fucking everything up for everybody here. Right. And then there's that scene at the end of this call where they're sort of like getting ready to hang up and then they're shouting and screaming and Alex. leans over and like holds their hands against their ears because someone in their life is super abusive.

And you're like, and then there's this moment because I recognize your point, Noah, that's they're doing this very specifically to show you like they're doing it for attention or they're doing it as rebellion or they're doing it in spite of the people who, you know, are their parents or whatever. Or that they're mentally ill. Right. Yeah. Or they're mentally ill. But at the same time, just like, I'm like, holy shit. Do you hear you movie? Do you see that they are, like, this is something that many trans people have to deal with

is shitty religious people attacking them, even their own parents? Right. I was genuinely worried by this bit as well, because the phone call that Alex has with Lindsay, it's so like there's a genuine kind of caringness to it. And I thought, oh, fuck, this movie's going to have her, like, detrans the swimmer and they fall in love. Is that way? It didn't. But I wondered whether they left that door.

Yeah, they got pretty close to that. Because it really felt like this was going to be like, love interest territory. Right, yeah. So, okay. So now we're back in court for day two. The athletic director for the state of California is on the stand. It's fucking amazing. This is the best guy ever.

He's having a panic attack. The whole talk is on the stand. As though the actor's nervous, right? Yes, right. Yeah. The guy is, the actor is having a panic attack. And it is coming through in the act. Yeah. So there's a big long, like, what would you say you do here moment between him and the John Travolta lawyer, the good lawyer.

Yeah. I can't say the good, this movie's good guy's lawyer. Yes, yeah, yeah. He asks him, have any records been broken in the last seven years? And that's the question he's got for the expert witness here. And because he can't remember, he's like, oh, I don't have stopped my head. Like, they're gottering him for not being able to recite the track and field records for all of California, apparently. Yeah. Yeah. And then they ask him, they say, would you say that someone ranked 31st has a chance at a scholarship?

And I'm like, better question. Would you say people have more academic worth than their race times? Do you think maybe that's what we should be focusing on? Right. But the roundabout point that he ends up trying to make with this guy is that, boy, all of these records of the fastest and the strongest all seem to be boys, not girls,

because boys are better at sports. But they do lie about these records as best. could tell, because they say, well, the current record for the state of California's 100 meter sprint is 9.96 seconds for boys and 11.39 seconds for girls. So I looked up the US national high school records. And 100 meters for boys is 9.93. So, you know, it could be 9.96 when this film was made. It's 10.89 seconds for girls. So this movie added 0.03 to the national for boys and 0.5 of a second for girls. And then points out that that's a big difference. It's like, yes, because you've made it a big difference.

Yes, yes, right, yeah. Created it. But then the lawyer just straight up accuses Alex of changing genders just to win more swimming competitions. Yeah, and Alex's lawyer objects to that, but with obviously the wrong objection here because the objection like she does is that, well, that is offensive.

That's not the objection. The objection here should be you're claiming to know the swimmer's intent what they were thinking, which you can't possibly do so that is not a... You can't say this was what was in your mind. That's what objection she should bring up. Also, you shouldn't be testifying. You should be asking your fucking witness stuff, right?

Like, there's also that. There's all, she did, there's this whole cornucopia of potential objections. And she's like, he keeps misgendering my client. And I'm like, well, no. Yeah. But then Dean King's like, I don't give a fuck what gender anybody calls anybody. And she's like, okay, ma'am. And he'll do, well, now I do.

No, it was, don't do that, though. Yeah, I did. didn't get that thank you mom line. It was like ADR'd in and I didn't know who was saying it to who and for what purpose. So I've like, because I thought it was a guy saying it. So it was the lawyer on the like the good lawyer, the John Travolta lawyer, him saying it. So what was what was that line? No, I think it was supposed to be her saying it or her assistant saying it to the John Travolta lawyer. I actually think it was supposed to be her, but they ADR did with whoever happened to be there at the time. Okay. Because it definitely sounded like a guy's voice. Yeah, it might have been. Yeah. But now the lady Janet is going to cross-examine the athletic director guy, right? And he accidentally misgendered Alex as well. So he's admitting that Alex is really a boy. The jury gasps in horror when he does. They do.

But like her question to him to the expert witness is, Mr. Compton, is Alex a bigger athlete than Lindsay? Sorry, that's your opening question as the defense. Yes. And then she's like, no further questions. It's like, what do you mean? You asked, is this person taller than this person? What point could that have possibly advanced in your favor? Well, I think what they're going for is that she's trying to say,

well, yeah, sure. Sometimes athletes are bigger than other ones, and that gives them an advantage, right? Ah, okay, because if I was the director of athletics for all of California, I'd be well pissed off that I got called to the standing court to eyeball somebody's objective height. Well, and to recite. Yeah, you can just call a ruler to the stand.

Yes, right. Yeah, exactly. and recite statistics that you handed me. Yeah. But that's okay because John Travolta lawyer has a redirect, right? He says, hey, are shot puts different weights for boys and girls? And he's like, oh, fuck, man. Yeah, they are.

Gosh. Damn. Got me. But then he answers the questions himself, I think. I don't think he lets Brian come to the director of his electric electric answer. So, like, yeah, he just gets up and asks a lot of questions and answers himself. That's not how you cross-examine a witness. Yep.

He points out that women go from T's that are closer to the pins. so obviously men are stronger and better, right? And then the movie's first, and I believe last African-American. So unbelievably awful. It's so bad because this guy is like, they're like, hey, look, how many stereotypes can you embody at once? Right. So he's the flippant, gay, black, disrespectful, liberal communist. Yes, right?

That's six, I think. great. And their opening question to him is, are we oppressing you? That's their open question to the only black person in this movie. And weirdly, the all-white jury do not warm to this man. No, I like him. Didn't like him. Turns out, yeah, like there's so many straw men in this guy.

It's like stacking hay bales. It's insanity. No, I felt like at this point, I was like, did Dean Kane have a racism minimum they weren't meeting in this movie? Do a little. It got to do a little. It's got to be a nod in there. It's so fucking cringe, dude.

It is so unbelievable. Because, like, they embody the entire argument in someone that they clearly disrespect. And you're just like, oh, my God, how gross are you people? Yeah. Well, and then all the other witnesses we see are basically just clips from pissed off dads talking into cameras in their Ford F-150s, right? It feels to me like, what's, they did was they went out and hoovered up all the people who had been, you know, quote

unquote wronged by trans people in sports. And then they had them in their movie. I was totally expecting to have a Gina Carrano moment on the stand. Like she was going to be standing there. Yeah. Yeah. No, and I'm sure that's what that is. They didn't bring actors. They just brought actual angry Ford F-150 owners. Yeah. And then, so now we're back home. Lindsay's on the internet. And she's seeing that everybody's saying really mean stuff about her online. And I'm like, yeah, no, those anti-trans people sure do get bullied online a lot. The anti-trans people sure do. But like, yeah, she's so upset about how many people hate her for her dad completely persecuting Alex. Well, you know, there's a solution here to don't be a persecuting bigger than it might be

fine. Right. And her dad's response is, well, facts and feelings are different things. Yeah, that's totally what he actually fucking says. All right, Ben Shapiro, fucking hell. She says, I have 271 emails telling me to kill myself. And I'm like, it's weird that you kept that specific of account of them. But also, like, I mean, and I wrote my nose. Yeah, no, cis athletes sure do get a lot of kill yourself messages online. It's a real problem.

Yeah, right? Jesus Christ. Fuck. And then dad, for the first time in the whole fucking movie, he's like, well, what do you want to do? Yeah. And she's like, well, I want to keep fighting. and pray and win because you've made it

so that's really the only choice for me now. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, she says we do what we've always done. We pray, we keep moving forward and we fight. It's like, yes, but you're fighting trans kids. That's what you're fighting. Exactly. And the dad's like, what do you want to do? But don't pick anything

that's going to make me upset now. Okay, whatever you do, you've got to pick the right thing. Right. So, okay. So now we're back for possibly the most offensive portion of the movie. This is the part where they're going to try to argue that being trans is a mental disorder that we should be trying to cure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? And their argument is going to be, the way they're going to try to get here is that at one time it was listed as such in the DSM. And now it's

not. And it wasn't changed based on any new research. It was changed based on new understandings and beliefs about whether or not this qualified as a mental illness, right? Yes. You can't say it now because it's offensive. And then they've got to add the it's offensive before their side can invalidate the argument at all because if they met the argument on its merits, they wouldn't stand a chance. Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, exactly. And of course, obviously there was a fucking other research that came between when this was first included and when it was like eliminated. But the reason it was eliminated is yes, because it was bigotry. There is so much shit that used to be in the DSM but was taken out because it was bigotry. Yeah.

And I wrote, I bet this guy all, also calls it grids rather than AIDS. He refused to change, like, from grids to AIDS. But, yeah, but so he bullies some psychologist about whether it's still a mental disorder. And Janet keeps objecting, but Dean Kane is on the transphobe side, so he just overrules it. Yes. But right, but she's just saying objection. She's not saying on what grounds she's objecting or what he's subjected to.

It's just the word objection. And he's, like, overruled. You don't know what she's saying. They don't know about grounds. And the thing is, remember, this trial wasn't going to go ahead, except they brought in that one extra bit of evidence that swayed it, which was God. This trial hasn't mentioned God for quite a while. None of this is about God in any way,

which was the only reason this trial was existing. So, and then he's going to question the, fucking, the chief gender affirming surgeon at some hospital or another? Not just at any hospital, the sex change capital of the world. Yes. That has performed 200 gender reassignment surgeries. But that's a massive issue. It's still a huge issue with those 200 surgeries.

That's the capital of the world for this. Yes, that's... 200 surgeries. Yes, exactly. But she decided to stop doing those surgeries because she realized it was a mental disorder. And speaking of made-up statistics, at this point, she says that over 50% of people

who get gender reassignment surgeries want to get it reversed. Yes. At which point I realized we were watching a sci-fi film and it all makes sense. Oh, it's a different dimension. Yeah, exactly. I gotcha.

It's less than 1%. I wrote my notes, that's such a lie. I literally expected better from a Dean Cain movie. But she goes, you know, it's just, it's trendy to be trans. And I'm like, yeah, no, the popularity of those trans people is just through the roof right now. Yeah. Also, this line kind of scared me. She's like, you know, it's a mental disorder that deserves treatment.

and he, the lawyer, goes, what about prevention? And she says, yes. And I'm like, what the fuck does that mean, guys? Right? Not anything good. Yeah. Yeah.

So, but then Janet brings on her expert witness who is a trans woman with a mustache. Yep. Get it. Got to do that. And the only saving grace of this fake trans person, because it's very clearly someone who's just an actor, who isn't it trans person, all they brought in.

So the only saving grace is that the bigot playing, Like, the bigger, who is the actor playing them must have really hated doing this. That's the only saving grace at all. Good. Right. I hope you hated it. But then I think, like, he accidentally, like, lets the legal loophole slip or something, but they never really come back to it.

Yeah. We're watching a courtroom drama analyzing statements made by a fictional character who says they were taking out of context. Like, we are several layers deep like we've swooshed a doodly do. It's that sci-fi universe. Yeah, right, right. That's it, yeah. All right, but so now it's time to go back to church,

but evil church this time. Uh-oh. Who's coming up? It's a different church. Yeah, yeah. It's hard to tell because they're all white like that. But so, but now Janet has got to go get her. It's time for them to like, you know, God up for the God portion of the thing.

Absolutely. So she's got to go find a little. liberal pastor that'll be pro-trans. So who does she find? But K-sorbs? K-sorbs? I checked. We had 15 minutes left of the film when we see our first Kevin Sorbo appearance.

Including the credits. I felt cheated by this. So real quick, before the credits roll, they introduced the star of the film. And she says, you know, well, I need a liberal pastor that'll be an expert witness about how God loves trans people. And he's like, oh, no, we're Methodist. Yeah, no, obviously. I got you.

We're the bad religious people. Yeah. But he says, he basically says, no, look, we are the gayest of all the churches over here. Yeah. She says something about like mainstream churches. And he says, oh, mainstream churches. I wish they were like the mainstream media. Thank God they're on our side.

Yes. God, that's so clunky. It's so clunky. And the next line, he's like, yeah, I always love to raise funds for our church the way he says it. You're just like, okay, 100% these people are like, we've got an agenda. Let's make sure we've had all the bullets in this guy's speech. I think he's saying the opposite. I think what he's saying is like the evangelicals use.

He says like he wants to stop the evangelicals who are using hate and divisiveness to fundraise and gain power. And he's playing the bad guy. He thinks he's playing the bad guy. That's all bad things. And it's so over the top that like genuinely he should turn to the camera at every fucking moment after every line delivery and say, that's you, that's what you sound like, Cecil, you sound like that.

So, but yeah, but he goes, she says, you know, so what are your credentials? He goes, I went to a top divinity school. I'm like, weird that you guys couldn't name one off the top of your head. But he agrees to be, he's going to be in the case. So now we're headed back to the court. The newscaster's going to catch us up on all the things that we just saw again and remind us what the stakes are. And I guess today they're going to do, finally get around to doing the God part. Oh, sorry, there is one point that the newsreader does say here.

This is the line. The defendant's own expert, Dr. Rothschild, a transgender woman, seemed to corroborate physical difference between male and females. Sorry, Dr. What now? Like, the fake trans person was called Dr. Rothschild. Just thrown in there. I missed it. Woof.

Oh, Jesus. Okay, so we get coach on the stand. Again, he wrote the movie. He wants to say more transphobic stuff himself, right? To get him on the stand. And he says, refers to you as coach, is it okay if I do too? It's like, no, this is a court of law.

That's fucking weird. She also calls her dad, daddy. I don't think she's cross-examine him that way. Your wife refused you as the fucking loser. Can we use that in court? He's like, look, the movie has not named you. Can I just call you a coach? He's like, oh, well, in that case, yeah.

That's fine. But he explains that Lindsay is the best, hardest, most diligent swimmer ever. And she totally would have got a scholarship, except that, you know, Alex won that one race, a thing that he would be able to know. Yeah, right. Well, she says she might get a scholarship because she's one of the top five swimmers in the district.

So, right, but top five, you think she can get a scholarship if she's in the top five? So she could, for example, finish second in a single race and still give a scholarship. Then what are we fucking doing here? What is this case then? Right. God. And then he says, he's like, oh, and, you know,

she would have gone to, like, a couple places where these swimming scouts would be out there looking for people. And I'm like, what the fuck does a swimming scout do? Did you just look at the times at how fast people raced? Because that's a real easy job I'd love to have. You would think. Yeah, right, right. Well, and then, okay, then Janet stands up to do her cross-examination, which is amazing.

Right. She's like, well, you know, you are arguing, coach, that being a man makes you stronger and better at swimming, right? And he's like, yeah. And she's like, but women retain more fat, don't they? And he goes, yes, they tend to. And she goes, and fat floats, doesn't it? And he's like, oh, no, oh my God, that's, oh, I've been, I've been had, I've been got.

No, but like, they have to have the defense fuck up this case by knowing nothing about swimming. Because again, they can't win on the merits. But I think the school could appeal here for, like, ineffective counsel. Because she's asking really stupid questions that are not just bad, but are like actively useless, actively inept at her job. Yeah, right, right. So, but then, okay, so but he gets done, and then

his honor Dean Cain presiding says, all right, now you guys have agreed to only have one religious person each. And he goes, yeah, yeah, we're each going to have one expert in religion. So first we call Kevin Sorbo to the stand. Okay,

and Kevin Sorbo's character is Reverend Ernestine Coughlin. And to be clear, I had to check again, Dean's character's character is called Judge Ernest so Kaye Sorbs is Ernestine and Dean Kaine is earnest It's one of those like Sal Ron and Sauramond

kind of situations One of those guys There's a ring on his neck too Oh right Oh shit So but they call Ksorbs to the stand And what his what his character is supposed to do Is to make us hate him

Right And make us think that he's the worst In the fucking world And he's supposed to be a pastor right? So as Christian viewers, we're inclined to like him and he's Ksorbs, so we're inclined to love him, right? So he has to go crazy over the top. So immediately they're like, you know, swear on this Bible. He's like, no, I speak for God. That Bible should swear in on me if you think about it. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Refuse the Bible. He rejects the rule of law. So he's obviously silly on it. And so Dean Kane's response to this is to just ask everyone in the trial if they're cool with him not swearing in. Yes. Like, no, obviously you're not cool.

His testimony would be thrown out and he'd be dismissed. Like, you can't, it's inadmissible at this point. They keep on doing this throughout the whole movie that they're like, oh, well, you have to swear on a Bible in order to get in court of law. So therefore, God's allowed in the courtroom. You're like, no, there's two different odes. You can just not say God too. That's also.

And you don't have to use a Bible either. In my notes, I was like, yeah, just do the one that says no God then. Because that's the second one. You could just do that one. You can do it on a book, a law book or something if you want to. Yeah. You don't have to do it. anything. Right. No, you can just say it.

You can just say it. But instead, he goes like, I bet you have a picture of the last separate with a bunch of fucking white apostles in it. Fucking assholes. What you fucking assholes. And then so, but then Janet gets up and she goes like, so what's the biblical difference between

a man and a woman? And the answer that he's supposed to be giving is, well, you know, we are all one in the eyes of God. But he has to give it like a dick. So this writer has to go out of their way to make, like, what is the only good message

in their whole fucking religion seem like a thing an asshole would say. Yeah, and it's great because everything he says about the Bible and stuff at this point, he's just spit in fire. It's amazing. It's like he's right on everything and this movie does not know that.

It's great. Yeah. Well, and she goes, you know, she goes, did God create transgender people? And of course, the answer in their own fucking method. has to be yes. So in order to make you still hate Kevin, he goes, yes,

she did. Yeah. Amazing. Ooh, they're going to hate him. There's a moment, too, in this, where I think at Sorbo mentions something about menstruating, and he says that people won't sit on a seat

because a woman menstruated. There's a moment there where he mentions this. Yeah. And after Sorbo's done, the guy who's the fucking the prosecuting attorney or the person who's actually bringing the case, the attorney's bringing the case, reaches up and grabs a tissue to put on his chair after it's over because they were talking about women menstruating on chairs. And I'm like, how grotesque is that to have him like mock a fucking, you know, one of the things

that they think is like, you know, that they should be celebrating, right? It's like the human body as their lord sort of put it out there. And you're like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? You got to put that in your movie and like slow down the camera while he reaches for a Kleenex. That's fucking gross as shit. Well, and also let's point out why they brought it up too, right? Because like, again, this movie can't help but at least admit to a couple of these arguments because they're like, you know, you're arguing that this is in the Bible. But here's some other stuff that's in the Bible, you know, according to the Bible, you can't sit on a chair after a woman's menstruated.

You can't, you know, you can't pick up sticks on Sundays, all of that kind of stuff, yeah. Yeah, and the jury are shocked that he's reading out stuff that's in her, in their book. Yeah. Okay, I didn't put two and two together. So what I saw was like the John Travolta lawyer who's like, like, happy that Kevin Sorbo was such a dick because he thinks it's worked well on his side, then puts a tissue down. And I thought, is that a he's so happy he just came in his pants, Joe? So what you had was made way more sense than what my version of this was.

Oh, yeah. No, it doesn't. All right, but now he calls the other pastor, right? The pastor that we met earlier that hates trans people like you should. Yeah, Tim Campbell. Oh, is that who they say? He's one of the other authors, writers, isn't he? Passed Tim Campbell, yeah.

Yep. So, okay. But then he's like, you know, so what does God say about transgender people? And he's like, oh, God hates some. Oh, he's fucking, oh, he's supposed to burn him in hell. Oh, he's very binary, God is. Yeah, he also says gender is designed at conception. Yeah.

Yeah, like when the tadpole hits the egg, the whole part where it enters the egg shell, that turns into a vagina. That's how that works. Or the tadpole part stays out. Right. Exactly. That wiggily part at the end becomes the, yeah. Right. So, but he goes, and of course, like this movie is not even going to fuck with the idea of ambiguous genitalia or anything like that.

Yeah, I'm going to admit that's a thing. But he goes, you know, we're fearfully and wonderfully made. And I'm like, what the fuck is fearfully doing it? Fearfully? Me's going to have gloves on. and like safety goggles, I think. But yeah, but then the guy lawyer drops his mic and this is, we cut over to Alex, the trans swimmer,

and this is where she sees the light of Jesus and starts maybe wondering. Oh, I miss this. Yeah, there's kind of a moment of like, oh, that makes a lot more sense than all of this stuff. The school's been telling me. I miss that. I was paying attention to the jurors

who all look like they have a Karen Bob and they're all nodding along with this guy. So, okay. So now we watch Dean Cain wrestling with his decision. Cut to his chamber. Wait, he doesn't have anything. It's what is he deliberated? It's a jury trial.

Thank you. What is he's even doing? Well, what he's doing is he's hanging around in the little room out back in front of a sign that says, dad's son's first hero and a daughter's first love. But they removed the word love and kiss. It was a bit weird. So they cross that bit out, which is a sign that says, and a daughter's first. But that's so much worse.

Because now he just says, dad is son's first hero and daughters first. That's so, which was. What the fuck? So it never has your penchant for pausing and reading the shit in the background giving us more than it has today, Marsh. Yeah. So yeah. But then I guess they forgot to film the part where they won the case.

Right? Because now we just... Yeah, they don't have that. Yeah. The jury never comes in and gives her to see you. We just see the lawyer smiling and we hear the newscaster come and say, yeah, they won. You can hear people clapping in the background because we also had, that was royalty-free as well. Yeah, it's fine there too, yeah.

The clap is about the level of a small golf crowd that's very happy with an unexpectedly under-par put. Like, not a long way underfoot there, okay, yeah. Yeah, it's all right. So, and then, so, but the newscaster says it will succeed in banning trans women from sports. Mm. They also say, although the decision does little for the girl's future on a collegiate level. And I wrote them, what are we doing here? She doesn't even get to go to college.

How is they're standing? But then she goes out and they're, and they try to do this, you know, the journalists are hounding her thing, but they've only managed to scrounge up two people. And one of them sounds like hillbilly god. Yes, absolutely. When I say it is the most southern accent that a southern accent has southern accented. It is insane. Also, and this is just so small, but I have to point out, they couldn't be bothered to come up

with like recording devices or microphones or anything. So both of these reporters are just writing everything. She says on big legal paths. Yeah. And one of the reporters says to her, I just want to ask, how do you feel about the information this case unfolded with? Are you sure that's what you want to ask?

That's really what you want to ask you how you feel about the information of the case unfolded with it? That sounds perfectly normal when you say it. No, it does. Yeah, exactly. It's so much so that I didn't even notice that long. Yeah, it's so funny. So, okay.

But she says, you know, like they say, you know, Lindsay, what will you do now? And dad steps in. He's like, well, actually, I'll take this one. Really? Really? That's the one you're going to take. Yeah. So now it's time to wrap up the movie.

We've got dad and Lindsay on the porch, just lapping up their victory in the sun. Chilling, hanging out. When suddenly. White claw. Yeah. When suddenly there's a phone call. And he goes, you know, he answers the phone. And he goes, yeah, she's here.

Who should I say it's going? This is a cell phone, by the way, that he's answered. It's his mobile phone. It's his mobile phone, yeah. And they're calling his daughter on it. Yeah, his daughter on his mobile phone. But it's Cal Northern, and it's their swim coach who wants to recruit her, and she's going to get a scholarship anyway. So none of this matters.

Yeah. And I presume that's because she was actually a really good swimmer, who was in the top five in the region. And being, like, first in one race or second in one race, didn't change that. she's still scholarship material. And she does this great stupid movie phone call where she goes like, yes, I can drive up on Wednesday, which you just have to,

I always have to imagine like, can you drive up on Wednesday? Yes, I can drive up on Wednesday. Why do you keep saying the thing that I just said? Also, she's like, yes, I'm super familiar with your program. I'm like, what? You're familiar with the program where people try to get the fastest time?

That feels like every program. They're all quite similar, it turns out. Yeah. And so she gets up. off the phone and and dad goes, wow, how did that just happen? And she goes, I think I know. There's a bigot network. Yes.

Yeah. That's how it happened. All right. Well, in my mind, that ending is fucking unimprovable. So I think we're done for the day. Seasel Marsh, thank you so much for hanging out. Absolute pleasure. Thanks for having us. And of course, I know that our regulars and our listeners, they all know about cognitive

dissonance and skeptics with a K, but a few of them might not know about yours collaboration yet. So for those who aren't in the know, can you pitch them on the No Rogan experience real quick? Yeah, absolutely. If you are interested in what is happening on the biggest podcast in the world, the Joe Rogan experience, but you don't actually want to have to listen to Joe Rogan yourself, we're going to do that for you and explain all the places where we think Joe has been led astray by his guests or his biases. And easily it is the best new podcast of 2025.

And, well, that's going to do it for our review of And God Made Man. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to get this damn Christmas tacular underway. So Eli, who's suddenly here again and then won't be again. I was here the whole time. He's just sitting silently in the back and not laughing at anything.

Right. Tell us what's on deck. A young politician has to leave the city for her career and finds her vocation and true love in the countryside. from the makers of lockdown 2025. Oh, no. And a happy birthday wish

for his 14 year old girlfriend. We'll be watching a law for Christmas. Have fun with that. Yeah, we'll do. That sounds great. Yep, doesn't it, though? So with that to look forward to

we're going to being episode 534 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Marshae and a quick reminder that you're going to find links to all of their shows on the show notes and an equally huge thanks to all the Patreon donors

to help make the show go. If you'd like to cat yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash Godoff. And thereby you're only access to an ad-free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out that our sibling shows, the scathing a thesis, needed D&D minus, and the skeptic, available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinema, suggestions, you get about Godawful movies at Gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatney, movie dress on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Mark and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heath and Wright and Eli Bosnich, I'm an illusionist, promise it to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the American graffiti clothes. As a result of the ruling, dads across the country were entitled to a $7 refund on their swing-knit. It was a great day for justice. Dean Kane eventually did make it through that obstacle course. Lindsay came in fifth, then became a Twitter verified. Sorry, Crypton is the planet. Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry. Is it the joke that it's... He wasn't on Smallville. It was Lawson Clark. Oh, was it Lois and Clark? Okay, sorry. Even better, leave it. Oh, I don't give a fuck. All right. Yeah, Smallville was a different set of bad people.

Even better. Nope, it was. Even better. All right. Let me go back then to that. I think it was like Lose and Clock, New Adventures of Suitman, something like that. It's amazing.

Gotcha, gotcha. Okay. So I'm going to go back, Morgan, to where he asked you. Was it called Losen Clock or was it just New Adventures Soup? To just start with, I'm the judge. Wait, let me, yeah, let me find out for sure. Yeah, it's called Losen Clock the New Adventures. Jesus Christ.

All right. You got to go as extensive volume D. Right. Yeah. Take it up. Exactly. Three things on there. Come on there.

All right. This content is canned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4-255 or on their website at Creator Accountability Network.org. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2025. All Rights Reserved.