God Awful Movies - 547: Chariots of the Gods

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

Dr. Alice Howarth and Michael Marshall join us to figure out if big stuff was aliens in a review of Chariots of the Gods. I won't spoil it.Hear more from them on the "Skeptics with a K" podcast: https://www.merseysideskeptics.org.uk/podcasts/skeptics-with-a-kCheck out The Skeptic UK: https://www.skeptic.org.uk/To see us live in San Francisco, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-san-francisco-california-tickets-1976632374642If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawfulCheck out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus.Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/

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after 20 gigas a month. And then he says, please note the aerodynamic form. And these, what they're zooming in on are what I can only describe as spiky bobbles. They're these silver, spiky bobbles that are not aerodynamic at all. They would not fly well at all. No. I think, Marsh, you've got in your notes that they look like comets flying through the sky.

And the reason comets fly through the sky like that is because they're breaking up into fire and falling to Earth because they don't fly very well. Awful movies. Movies. Welcome back to the GAMCast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, so by the time we get to hell, we'll be used to it. I'm your host, Eli Bosnick, and sitting 3,347 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Michael Marshall. Marsh, welcome back. Thank you very much. Always a pleasure to be here, yeah, absolutely. And sitting just four shally shams and a ballywick to his northeast, back by popular demand. Dr. Alice Hohworth. Dr. Alice, well, Welcome back to the show.

Hello, thanks very much for having me. Well, I say thanks for having me. I'm not sure I'm your best friend right now. This was a boring film. Hey, look, when you invite someone for the first time and they watch a guy pee into their mouth and then they come back, you know you've got a, you're a best friend indeed. I challenge anyone to find a better friend who comes back after the mouth peeing. And speaking of pissing into your own mouth, March, tell us what will we be breaking down?

Today. We watched Chariot of the Gods. It's the punctuation-free 1970 adaptation of the international best-selling book which first wondered, but who built those big things in brown people countries? It's the movie equivalent of walking up to one of the Easter Island statues and asking them, but where are you really from? Yes, exactly. And Dr. Alice, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love nauseating camera work, gaudy 70s music and casual racism, you will love this movie. Yes, you will. I think one could make an argument, and we'll talk about it, I'm sure, that the only actual movie making that gets made in this movie that isn't just like overhead shots of shit the movie wants to talk about is exclusively racism based, right? Just to add racism to the movie. Now, as I mentioned at the end of last week's show, this movie is based off the work of Eric von Donakin. So, Marsh, for those who were foolish enough not to tune in for your whosw segment over on our sister show The Scathing Atheist,

can you give us a quick rundown on Eric for context? Oh, yeah, absolutely. So Eric Van Danikam was a Dutch con artist who was imprisoned multiple times for things like stealing jewelry and defrauding hotels. And then he realized he alone had the answer as to what built all the other. all of the most impressive things about civilizations that weren't mostly white.

And that answer was in books that he'd ripped off from other people. And that started the entire ancient aliens, aliens built the pyramids, you know, the stuff that you see on the history channel. All he built is entire, the rest of his life touring around talking about the stuff that he did in that kind of 60s fraudulent period. And if you've ever spoken to anyone who thinks that your ancient monuments of civilizations that weren't white were built by visitors from the stars, it is Eric Van Danigan's fault. Yeah, exactly.

It's amazing how stealing jewels gave him so much training in things like astrophysics and archaeology. You really have to know a lot to be a conman apparently. Yeah, absolutely. All right. And is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best, to being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go best, worst shots of locals. Because this movie will travel around the world looking at things like pyramids and match a peach chew and stuff like that. and it will intersect that with long shots from people just walking around local, like, villages, local or local markets.

And those shots are very clearly there to be like, come on. These guys, no. These guys are that. 100%. Dr. Alice, did you have one? For me, it's best worst taking the Bible literally. There's an entire section where they say, right now we're going to look at the Bible and we're going to take it as literally as possible. And I don't think he knows what literally means.

He does not. I mean, literally in the sense that I'll do it according to whatever interpretation I fucking feel like it. But yeah. Yes. Definitely not literally. And I'm going to go with best, worst,

everything I don't understand is aliens. Look, podcast listener, I'm like you. I'm a member of the public. And I'm a very, very stupid man. So there are a lot of things in this movie that I also don't understand. But there were points in this movie

where I was like, I mean, that one's not that hard. I feel like if I had a summer, I could probably. At a certain point, he's just like, how could there be big without aliens? Yeah, if you didn't know, you'd ask one person who did know, and they don't go as far as doing that. They're not asking anyone who actually knows anything. They're going to ask if you ever did a bunch of jewel feeding.

Real negative nancy's. Well, we've got some assholery, shitholery, and racism to get to on the other side of the break. So we'll take a quick one, and we'll be back in a minute for even more. Chariot of the gods Um, you guys wanted to see me Eric, yes, yeah, please, come in Great to see you. You too, editor, guys. How can they help?

Right, so for our documentary, we were just extracting the absolute best arguments from your book, Charite of the Gods. It's Chariot of the Gods. Isn't that what I said? Charite of the gods? There's no question mark, we got rid of that. Oh, all right.

Fine. Okay, no question mark, right? Anyway, we just wanted your help narrowing it down, you know, if you will. Oh, of course, of course. Right, so you talk about the pyramids of Giza. Mysterious. And of course we'll talk about Machu Picchu. The Impossible City.

Yeah, and then, okay, do we want to talk about ancient Troy? Yeah, what about it? Well, it's just in your book you've written, and of course Troy has some stuff too, but that wasn't aliens if it was white people. Yeah, important to remember. Right. Okay, you know what?

Yeah, I think we've got it from here. Oh, really? That's great. Does this mean we're cutting the chapter about how high certain races can jump being due to aliens? Yeah, definitely. We're cutting that.

You were the editor of Nazi magazine. Yes, I was, Eric. Yes, I was. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hi, I'm Michael Marshall. And I'm your friend who doesn't read the news. You know, that person you'll make a passing remark to about world events, only to have them look at you like you just brought up a band they've never heard of. Anyways, I don't need therapy.

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slash awful. That's better h-e-l-p.com slash awful. All right, Marsh, thanks. So, wait, you get the paper, right? You just don't read it? Nope, just the crossword puzzles. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to start out with some old

Tammy footage of space. Oh, God, yeah. And I thought like this is a 55-year-old woo film. This is from 1970. And I wrote my notes, but I'm sure it's aged just fine. It won't have aged badly in any way at all. And then we see the show shot of space and I wrote, yeah, I think half the stars in that background, I've gone super

nervous since this was filmed. This is how old this is. Yeah. And in case you're wondering how it's going to hold up, a lot of the last names in this movie, real German. Real German. Knowing what we know about Eric, I have a feeling what kind of German as well. Yeah. Well, one of the editors is Wilhelm Roggersdorf, who was literally a Nazi. That's a pseudonym he's using, but he is literally. And I think this might be the first genuine old school hung around with Hitler Nazi to be involved in a gambo film. This is a first on that, I think. Yeah, no, it's exciting. First, but definitely not the last.

All I've got in my notes on this section is the weird camera work, because you say we've got old-timey footage of space, Eli. It is weird zooming in, panning across galaxies that are unrelated, like, they're not the Milky Way.

They're not our galaxy. Just space ones. Just random just random space. Just random space galaxy that we zoom into. This was 1970. We barely knew galaxies existed then. They were like, look at this new galaxy thing we've learned about. Yeah, I felt like they were just kind of panning in the hopes that eventually,

when we find the Venusians from XRB, we could be like, look, we put you in our movie, right? We knew it all the whole time. Speaking of the terrible camera work, and I promise, I won't dwell on every shot like this, but we get this shot of a big fancy telescope. We do. Big fancy telescope. But we get that shot hanging upside down from one of the walls pan over to it, it's a choice.

It's really shaky. Yeah, it is. It's like Spider-Man's trying to, like, interrupt a robbery in there and then sell pictures of it to the day. I want more pictures of space thing. One other thing about this giant telescope because they're telling us how big it is

and what a big mirror it means. And I just wanted to take a moment to enjoy that, like, the incredibly complex scientific field of space observation does occasionally boil down to, I just need to really, big mirror, man. I just, I don't, I have all the smartest people doing all the math, but what we need is a mirror the size of a football field. Not just a fancy mirror. They also

need their own special road as well. He tells us like, it was so big, this telescope, they had to build their own road to get there. And I thought, well, yeah, I guess in 1970s, building a new road really was documentary worthy information, that kind of infrastructure project. They seem very thrilled that this telescope can probe the universe. 4 billion light years away, which we're going to get into how impressed they are by big things and big numbers. But the framing of probing the universe

is very awkward. This weird distance probing that just makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable. Especially given that they think we've had visitors, it feels like a weird call forward. But the point of all of us, seeing the giant space scope and how many galaxies we'd see is

look how many stars there are. Surely there are aliens who have visited us on one of them. Well, yeah, and they say the stuff, they say on how many of these stars could life exist? And it's like, it's zero. It's zero because they're stars. They're not planets. They're really fucking hot. Yeah. Yeah. But don't take my word for it. Perhaps we could introduce our first expert witness. I'm talking, of course, about cool, chill dude who was a part of cool, chill stuff, Werner von Braun.

Yeah, just Natty's left, right and center in this sort of far. We're like three minutes in. It's Natty's everywhere, yeah. He does look. The image that they've chosen when they zoom into his face looks a lot like the accused pedophile formerly known as Prince Andrew. They look so similar. Yeah.

Okay, okay. I can see that. The German heritage, you know? Problematic German heritage. Yeah, the striking lightness there. I wrote in my notes because they do his little headshot when they're like introducing the quote he has about how aliens. could be real.

And I wrote in my notes, Hey, Werner, do you have a headshot that doesn't look like you can hear the screams of millions of dying Jews? No, you don't? Okay, we'll use this one then. He does have such a glazed look

across his eyes. Yeah. And I'll point out that it's not like he's like, oh my gosh, aliens are toots-m-goats real. Love Werner. He's like, it's a definite probability, which as a stupid person who has asked smart people about whether the things

I think are true, That's just a nice way of saying the universe is large and all things are on no. Yeah, exactly. Then we get this weird example about trains. They explained to us that aliens are like trains, which is that when they first came out, scientists didn't like them. And I wrote in my notes, weren't scientists the one who did trains? I feel like, did a convicted fraudster who mostly stole his books invent trains or was it

scientists? I'm trying to check my math. I feel like it was engineers, and I feel like the scientists and the engineers are very clear as to which is which there. I think that's a whole ongoing thing. But like the whole, they say, scientists are quick to adopt a negative attitude to new ideas, but that's literally what science is. That's what the falsifying in the scientific method is. You have a negative attitude to a new idea until you prove it's true.

Authors hate new books. We're also going to talk to Kanzinev here. He is an actual alien crazy person. And he's crazy about aliens, not an alien crazy person. Yeah, no, yeah, I'm not an alien who is crazy. If they trotted out an alien this early in the movie, I'd have been way more on board with them proving aliens exist. I'd also, I'd be, I'll say, I'd be upset about the establishing shots of the telescope.

I feel like you jump right to the alien if you've got one. But yeah, Kostinev looks exactly like what you picture when I say, resident at the Moscow Academy of Natural Sciences. Yes. And it's great because he speak in Russian, but he's talking like fairly quietly. And then we've got an English voiceover explaining who he is over the top. But it just makes it look like he's angry with the voiceover for talking over him. This fucking asshole warn shut up.

You're going to let me talk my own voiceover, right? All right. So now it's time to talk about cargo cults. Well, they start by saying, like, man has always dreamed of like the heavens and stuff. And that is not what my dreams are about. They're mostly about trying to run, but not able to. able to get any purchase on the ground with my feet or keep falling over. Like, I'm sure that doesn't mean anything, but like, that is what my dreams are.

Yeah, exactly. And so we'll see some rockets, right? He shows us all the attempts to fly. He tells us, in this century, man will land on Mars. And I was like, oh, buddy, I hate to break it to you, but we are not going to do that. In the course of this century, man, and this is in obviously the 20th century, in the course of this century, man will land on Mars and in the next one, Venus. And it's like, well, bad news on the first.

one, mate. And as for the second one, landing in Venus this century, I think as a species, we're more likely to reject the idea that Venus exists than to colonize it at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely the direction we're headed in. But this is where we're going to talk about cargo cults. And this is where we get our only movie making of this movie. So, as I said in the intro, this movie mostly just pans over cool shit that's too big not to have been aliens. But here, they have paid a bunch of people to portray... natives. Yeah.

Yeah. Natives who lived virtually in the Stone Age until Americans came and went there during the Second World War. And I don't fully like that they are talking about these natives as being from the Stone Age.

And also, movie, do you want to bring up the Second World War, given that you've got at least two Nazis on board so far. Those guys were just in the writers room. No, I'm just doing a passing thing, I promise. But yeah, the point was

that when these native... I should point out that there's a lot of problematic stuff around cargo cults. So like the common understanding especially at this time of common cults is wildly reductive about a lot of things, right? So one, a tremendous amount

of the people who interacted with cargo cults did not share a language with the people of those tribes. So when they came back and saw that they had made like statues of planes or little structures about planes, like maybe it was just like their kids liked planes. They were like, yeah, we'll build a fun one, right? There was no way to know why they were building the planes. They just immediately

came back and were like, so you guys think I'm God, huh? Yeah, it's ridiculous. It's literally you put your own culture onto these people in order to explain how they wrongly put their culture onto you. That's what they're saying here. Yeah, it's ridiculous. But this movie's understanding of cargo cults is that when these native people saw airplanes, they immediately started worshipping white people as gods. Yeah. Yeah. And they try to tempt the visitors back by making straw airplanes because that's how you tempt people back. Yeah, and it's great because, as you say,

it took me a moment initially to figure out are these real natives being filmed? And they're like, oh, no, you zoom in and they're all wearing basically identical wigs. There's one guy that they've stuck a wig on. I don't know why they would need to put a wig on them. Was it not just enough to have black actors pretending to be these natives,

which is what they're doing here? You don't look wild enough, I'm going to put a wig on you. One guy's wig, it looks like it's not even touching his head. It's like when a child is too young to draw people properly and they draw hair as like a sausage that hovers over the head. Yes, it's over the head. Yeah, exactly. Yes, it's very straight. And I don't know why they chose everyone has to be in like shoulder length mildly insulting no illusions wig. I think they got a good deal on a job lot of the wigs. It's like, okay, they won't sell us just two, but they will sell us 30. Have we got any of the extras we can wig up? Let's wig everybody up. Let's do it. Yeah. So the point of this, What this movie is positing is that every religion ever started was aliens visiting us

and that we in our various ancient times turned them into gods. Yes, every single one of that's ever been. They explicitly say they came from heaven, they must be gods. And the assumption is that anybody who's experienced people coming from far away must think that they are gods because that's what every religion has done, has seen something it saw for real, real, in real life. and then turned it into God. Yes.

And so now we're going to cut over to another ancient culture. I think this is supposed to be a recreation of Maya. Yeah. It's not clear. So one of the voiceovers this point says, in Mexico and South America, from Egypt to India, we see these things. And I wrote, so everywhere that white people weren't. Cool.

Nice one made. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. No, ours turns out to be the one true religion except for every native people's religion. and theirs is just a weird cosplay of aliens. So we see some like holy texts and some imagery within those holy texts for the first time, but definitely not the last in this movie.

We are informed that those pictures of wildly people-shaped things are actually aliens in spacesuits. Yes. And crucially, they don't actually speak to anybody from any of the countries that they're going to. They just film them from a distance. Yeah, it's amazing. Like, they've got Tibetans here talking about their holy books.

First of all, the Tibetan holy books they've got here look like a kind of giant milfoy. Like, they've just got like, that's their holy text there, is in the French pastry style. And they say only 1% of the Tibetan holy book has ever been deciphered. That feels like a massive risk to base your relation, like your entire religion, on that 1%. Well, that first one was so good. They were just like, guys, let's fucking get into this. It's literally argument from book I've not read yet

and no one has ever read yet might agree with me about this. Yeah, and to be fair, that is my thing. So please do not steal that for me. It's my basis for many citation needed essays. Also, it's just worth pointing out that the concert, conjure, depending on how you want to pronounce it,

absolutely is all the way translated and what a bad shit thing it is to claim that it is not. Maybe he meant that it's not translated like into English, but definitely what he is inferring is that nobody knows what the fuck 900 pages of this thousand page documents say. And like even in 1970,

I reckon some people had a clue what was in there. They've been Tibetans for a while at this point. Yeah, I think Tibet's been around for a smidge. I mean, it depends. If you're listening to this podcast in China, there was a loud beep just now so I understand why you'd be confused.

Well, I mean, it depends when you're listening to this. If you listen to this podcast too far in the future, we might have to explain what Tibet was. So Tibet was this country, right? Now the people listening in China have no idea what the fuck you just said again. You're really losing people, Marsh. using them.

So yeah, we're going to talk about the Maharasha poem, and there's kind of a spaceship-looking thing in there. Yeah, and it's because they're going to keep making the point here that all throughout different cultures, they've written about people visiting from above, from the heavens. And yes, there are lots of legends about visitors from above, but that's only because up is one of the few possible directions. You've only got from up, from down, and from over there.

And that's everything. That's all of the options at this point. Yeah, that is all of it. Yeah. So now we're going to check it on the Dead Sea Scrolls. Don't worry. Those were made by what the author of this movie imagines to be white people.

So those are just good old fashioned, legit historical record. Nothing to concern yourself about when it comes to the Dead Sea Scrolls. But we haven't looked into everything that they talk about. And some of what they talked about was probably aliens.

I think. So now we're going to cut over to the discovery of Troy. And this is the most bat-shit insane retelling of the discovery of Troy I have ever heard. They basically make it seem like, I forget this archaeologist's name, but they basically make it seem like everybody thought Troy was completely made up until this guy wandered over to the area where it was and like pointed at the big white rocks. Yeah. Like, and this is the thing.

He says, well, everyone thought that Troy didn't exist and Homer had made up until we'd looked and when we found it. But like, yes, you took Homer literally, and yes, you found Troy. But you followed the geography. Like, Homer wasn't going to have invented the geography wholly. It's not like you followed, like, Homer's writings and found a bunch of sailors that had turned into pigs.

Like, it's not the part of the story that he's going to be. Like, I followed the Marvel Comics, and I found out that, did you know, over the water from Manhattan, there is a place called Brooklyn, and therefore Spider-Man exists. Right. Yes. Yes, exactly. Although, we do get an amazing picture.

here. And it's actually the only reason why I brought this thing up, because it's just one in a series of, well, we didn't know about this and now we do examples that the movie will use. But they show this amazing inset, and I've included it in our notes, podcast listener. Apparently, this archaeologist guy who found Troy or pretended to find Troy or found a part of Troy, whatever the fuck it is, he gave a bunch of the jewelry he found to his wife. And there has never been a better picture of when you buy something for Christmas that's not on her list. These two, like, Victorian early, late Victorian English people, she is dressed

like the Sultan, he is wearing a tie, it is not a good combo. She is very much draped and jewelry in that image, yeah, for sure. And she looks fiorian. That whole section just feels very much like that. Oh, whenever you try to find something, it's in the last place you looked.

You can't find Troy. Have you looked on the back of the sofa? Yeah, exactly. So now it's time for Alice's best worst. We're going to take the Bible literally. Starting with Sodom and Gomorrah, which we are going to learn, was actually an alien nuclear attack. And this is where he literally goes immediately from, let's take the Bible literally, and then goes straight to Lott.

And it's like, isn't he the guy whose wife was turned into salt. I don't think you can take that literally. No. For looking at a thing. He faced away. She looked at a thing. She got turned into salt. Let's take that literally. Look, I found some salt on the floor. That must have been his wife. The floor is very slightly salty. Yeah. But I know what you're thinking, podcast listener. Sure, Eli, maybe Sodom and Gamora wasn't destroyed by an alien sent nuke. There might be some radioactivity or some ways we could find about that. But do you have something that I can disprove at home? Why, yes, I do. Yes. I do. do, it's Ark of the Covenant, a magic box full of electricity?

Which Moses got, apparently, Moses got the blueprints from the Ark of the Covenant from God, and it was incredibly precise. But that's only if you follow what it says in the Bible. So they're sort of saying, this Bible says this is the dimensions of the Ark. And so it's exact because it says it right there. And no one's found the fucking thing. Like any number you put in there is still precise. It's a number. Yeah. Right. But this is where he gives one of my favorite, like, so easily disproven claims, which is that they actually tried some students, you don't know them, they're from Canada, they tried making the Ark of the Covenant exactly according to the Bible. And it was so full of electricity that they had to have it destroyed.

This whole segment is amazing. First of all, this was where I start to do a thing, I'm sure we all do it in our notes, where we put a quote question from the film. This one was, could the gold sheath have been a form of loudspeaker, reproducing the Lord voice from afar? No, next. And there's that one, we could do so many of those. Well, taking the Bible literally. Taking the Bible literally, was it a loudspeaker?

I'm certain that the Bible does not call the Ark of the Covenant a loudspeaker. Yeah. 100% certain. But apparently if you make something that size out of gold, it automatically just conducts electricity magically. Is that true? I don't think that's true. I don't think it's true.

Look, I'm stupid. So it really could be true and I just wouldn't know. but I'm pretty sure it's not true. And they say, well, as you say, it was made by some students. You said, it's actually Minnesota. They say in 1961 in Minnesota, they made one of these,

and they had to destroy it because it was too dangerous. But presumably, they've also, therefore, destroyed any records of it. Because if you try and look this up in any way, you only find quotes from this movie. There's nowhere else that references this. You're not supposed to fact check their evidence, Marsh.

But the thing is, this move, that was meant, that experiment was meant to be 1961. This movie was in 1970. That's only nine years later. This movie had travel to Iraq money, but not travel to Minnesota money, apparently. You could find those guys. It's only nine years ago.

No, those Minnesotans could be Kaji March. You wouldn't understand. That's true. We've seen what happens if you send people into Minnesota. It doesn't end well. We've seen that. Exactly. But now we're going to hop over to Isaiah.

Yeah. And Isaiah's going to tell us about the angel eyes, the wheels within wheels. Turns out that those were rocket engines. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. As he talks about this, he's saying, were the wheels with the wheels of the engines of a spaceship? Brackets, no. And he says, the prophet had witnessed a dazzling sight.

How closely it resembles the launching of a multi-stage rocket even to the scream of its engine at blast. And the answer to that is not very closely at all. And he's showing us pictures that people have drawn of the bit of the Bible. And he's saying, well, at one point, they literally say, these pictures speak for themselves. which is an amazing argument. Here is a thing that someone drew. Are you trying to tell me that's not real? That's his argument.

Yeah. I mean, and let's be honest, who has seen a multi-stage rocket launch that did not have the face of a lion, the face of an ox, and the cry of an eagle? I mean, you know, standard NASA stuff. My favorite part of this entire Bible section

is that they clearly do not have enough stock footage. So we see this one clip of a person opening an old book and pulling away a red bookmark about 50 times in the shortest space of time and it is so badly made. Yeah, it's great. It's the same book.

It's the guy. He's like going through the script. If you zoom in, you see, that's the script for this movie. I'll just keep my place while we cut to a different bit of footage. We're back. Okay, now I can read the next line.

That's what he's doing. Exactly. So now we're going to check in on the monastery of DeKani, a monastery that I promise you you only know about if you have studied alien bullshit. It is a monastery

that literally exists because one guy's doodle kind of looks like a spaceship. So whackadoos from all over the world have been using it as proof of aliens ever since. Yeah, it's amazing. I think, Alice, you've got so many notes on this. It seems like you lost your mind over this little bit. Well, firstly, we're back with shaky camera work and these really spooky music choices as they zoom in on what they think are spaceships. And then as they do many, in many parts of the entire thing, they just make shit up.

They just absolutely makes it up. So there's one where they zoom in and they say, in the first ship, we see a man seated with his hand on a stick shift. They do a close-up of that image. That's not what's there. There's a guy sitting on the floor, not on a seat, not holding anything in his hat. Yeah, there's literally nothing in his hand at all.

Also, if this is meant to be accurate in any kind of way, his head is just facing the opposite way entirely. So he either has a broken neck or he's an owl, but they don't mention that bit. Well, yeah. No, the aliens don't have backup cameras. you didn't mention that. Yeah, and it's great because, yeah, she'd reverse.

It doesn't have run over a lady with a pram, yeah? Yes, exactly. You've got to be careful with these kind of things. And as you say, Alice, they got the spooky music. The music really wants to think that this is a big, amazing reveal. Yeah. But the fact that you had to travel to a niche building in Kosovo suggests it's not that amazing a reveal.

Like, if this was happening, it'd be happening in more than just this one little building in Kosovo. So, yeah, not impressed at all. And then he says, please note the aerodynamic form. And these, what they're zooming in on are what I can only describe as, spiky baubles, they're these silver, spiky bobbles that are not aerodynamic at all. They would not fly

well at all. No. I think Marsh, you've got in your notes that they look like comets flying through the sky, and the reason comets fly through the sky like that is because they're breaking up into fire and falling to Earth because they don't fly very well. Yeah, exactly.

He's exactly simple. Look at the aerodynamic form. It looks an awful like a comet, so as long as the Earth didn't have comets before the 20th century, yeah, you're really onto something, maybe. Otherwise, it's just a fucking comment. And at this point as well, the music shifted from being eerie and spooky to, I wrote at this point,

the soundtrack here genuinely slaps. Like, I don't believe that there were ancient aliens, but I do believe the people in 1970 might have been visited by the Chemical Brothers because this is absolutely banging. Yeah, exactly. There is also, to that exact point, there is this section where they say,

the spectators, which are aliens in the painting, the spectators are protecting their faces with their hands, And as they zoom in, one of them has got one hand on their ear and another palm outstretched. It looks like they are DJing, but they're not. They're not going to, oh, DJs must have existed in the past. They're going to, must be aliens. Must be aliens, yeah.

So now we're going to cut over to Istanbul because without aliens, how could maps look like the things they portray? Yeah, this is an amazing one. Like, oh, isn't it amazing? The point is, it's amazing that they had maps that could, the maps would start from where you are and then map the things you look outwards and can see or can travel too easily. How could they have come up with technology like that?

Yeah. To give this argument the best possible faith, right? The idea is like, well, how come the overhead version of the map looks so perfect to real life? And first of all, it fucking doesn't. No. But second of all, if your map doesn't look like. like the thing it's portraying, it's not a map. So I imagine they would have had to have gotten good at doing overhead views.

Like, it's just not possible for it to be a map without some accuracy. But they knew about Antarctica. The court is this 1532 map knew about Antarctica before its existence was established in the 19th century. And I thought, what do you mean by established there, mate? Because like, established by you, but it is quite possible that some other people had come across some ice before. I actually looked this up. So this isn't a drawing of Antarctica at all. This is a prediction of a landmass in the location of Antarctica because people in that time thought that the earth needed balance. So they knew there was a lot of land in the north of the planet. So they guessed that there might be some land in the bottom and predicted Antarctica. That's brilliant. Amazing. But yeah, it's great. And they say, oh, the coastline are such a good fit. Like what they never say is the course. line isn't that accurate a fit for the real course line.

Which is fine if you're just sketching the course line while you're on a board, you're going to sort of make mistakes now and then, but it's less excusable for hyper-advanced alien beings with an alien's eye view of things. You're going to get it accurate. So, like, the fact that it's not accurate is proof that it isn't aliens. And the fact that they very heavily infer that aliens like made the maps, right? Didn't just like inform them, right? Didn't just jump down and be like, no, no, to the left there.

It's really, I see trust me, right? They find out the aliens made maps, but they use their inner galactic space travel, and then they got here and they were like, fuck, do you have some papyrus? I could use, just break this down. I need just the most destroyable, fragile, possible surface to really jot down this information for you.

All right, well, we have even more brown people to not believe in on the other side of the break, so we'll take a quick one, but we'll be back in a minute with even more, chariot of the gods? All right, who's ready to go to Earth, fellow aliens? What's the matter, guys? I mean, is that what you're wearing?

Oh, this? Yeah, I thought I would. Is it not good? Yeah, it's just, I've never seen you in your six-armed, bird-headed space suit before. Oh, not, I thought I wore it to Chris. his wedding. Didn't I wear this to Chris's wedding? No, you did not wear your six-armed, third-headed space suit to Chris's wedding. Oh, okay. Well, I have it, and I'm wearing it because I like it so much.

Right, but aren't you just a little bit worried that the humans will think you're like a many-armed bird guard? What? No. They'll know I'm an alien. Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it. Totally sure. Because it just seemed like the downside of this outfit. Look, guys, my wife brought this birdheaded six-armed spacesuit, okay? And we just had a big fight that I never wear it because I hate it. And I don't hate it.

I don't hate it. I just haven't had the chance to wear it except now I do hate it because it's become a whole thing. And so I'm wearing it because it was a thing and now I don't want it to be a thing anymore. Okay? Got it. Sounds like somebody just needs to learn to communicate. I hate you. Because we're aliens.

And then when you hit week 10, you can crush and rip in the same week. Got it. Hey guys. Are you ready to record the rest of the podcast? Yeah, I was just showing Dr. Alice my new workout program. Crush and rip. Crush and rip. Yeah, it was created by former Navy SEAL Crush Ripkin after he got trapped at the bottom

of a vat of Rocky Road ice cream and had to eat his way out. He went from 300 pounds of pure ice cream to Olympic curling referees. in 99 days and 11 nights with this program. Eli, that sounds like honestly nonsensical for so many reasons. Why don't you just try FitBod? What's FitBod? FitBod creates a personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and available equipment.

But will my muscles feel crushed and or ripped? Probably not, but FitBod tracks your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout and keep up your momentum. Burnout is a problem with crushed and ripped. Apparently his sit-ups catch you on fire. But have you actually tried it, Marsh? I have. I downloaded FitBod when they first became a sponsor. I love how I can get a workout whether I'm in a fully stocked gym or an empty hotel room.

That's why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorse FitBod. All right, then, Marsh, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Level up your workout. Join FitBod today to get your personalized workout plan. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at FitBod. That's FITBOD.m-M-E-S-GAM. But here's what I don't understand, Eli. If you already had FitBud, why did you buy Ripped and Crushed? Oh, I didn't buy these.

Crushed gave them to me in exchange for using our basement for his new 900-week challenge. Is that what that screaming was? Yeah, yeah. You guys want to meet him? Very much, no. Sure. Alice. What?

He's got a 14thab. And we're back for more of this shit, and we're going to talk about ancient alien believers' favorite triangles. I'm talking, of course, about the pyramids of Giza. Yeah, this is the big guns. The music in this section is so aggressively 70s. Oh, God, yeah. I will like, please, someone take away their access to the stock music library. They've abused it too much.

They've lost their privileges. Truly, yes. I also point out that he goes, Cairo. And there's like, I'm not kidding, 400 seconds of Cairo footage before they figure out what they want to say. It's like he's working himself up to it. It's so ridiculously long. some of this stock footage. I was watching this film lying in bed and I was genuinely worried I was

going to fall asleep during the stock footage sections. So pyramids big. How big? So big. Oh, really big. Very much. Very big. But here's what you need to understand, right? There's no way we could have made the pyramids because if you made one giant block a day and you pulled it to the top of the thing once a day, it would take you 30 generations to do it. And as long as you never did anything faster than the I said just now, pyramids are impossible. Yeah. Especially when there are no cranes or trucks. Yeah.

He seems to be utterly obsessed with the fact that cranes are the only thing that lifts big things and they didn't have cranes back then. So there can't be big things in the past. Yeah. And it's great as well because he says, you know, the pyramids on the banks of the River Nile, how did they get these blocks here without cranes or trucks? So by ship, you just said they're on the banks of the Nile.

They put it on a ship and roll it up the water. Fuck water. Damn it. I forgot about water and floating. Shit. My movie's stupid. And like they said, as you point out, Eli, the matter of he said, 20,000 workmen closely scheduled to haul and install all 10 blocks a day would need 664 years. So, right, but if you look it up, they had at least twice as many men and they laid 30 blocks an hour, not 10 a day. And they did that for 10 hours a day. So they're therefore capable of going 30 times faster than your estimates, which is about 20 years, which is what it took. We're like, it's fine. We've worked this old out now. We've worked it out from historical records, right?

Like, the thing that's always so bizarre about like, oh, these ancient mysteries is like the Egyptians kept better records than almost any other civilization on Earth has or will, right? Yeah, we know that one guy who sold shit copper. We know how bad he was at selling copper. Yeah, we fucking know all the answers to this stuff. They're just choosing not to know them. We also learn here that the pyramids are also there to help us cheat on our math tests. Because if you multiply, almost exact quote,

if you multiply the height of the pyramid by a billion, it's the distance to the sun. Well, exact quote is multiply the height of the pyramid by a billion. It equals almost exactly the distance from the earth to the sun. A mere coincidence. You don't get to do almost. You can't just go, ah, you look, it is exactly. give or take.

And like, when? Because the distance between the Earth and the Sun shifts between 147 million kilometres and 152 million kilometres. That's quite, that's a 5 million kilometre gap. Isn't there? And then you can almost it. So, yeah, like, it is, it's 146.6 metres tall.

So, yeah, it's a little bit less than a billion times or a billionth of the nearest distance. But so what? Like, the aliens built the height of this pyramid to just less than the billionth of the distance of the sun as what? Like a message, as a flex? Were they showing off?

Like, what was that for? Before we leave, I just want you to know that the big triangle we built you, it's like a billionth of a coordinate of, uh, ish. Fuck, I'm sorry, I got drunk last night and did this with the super laser, and I just kind of wanted an excuse. Do you know what?

Oh, God, I really hope that the aliens were hoping someone would notice before they left. And then they didn't. And so it was like, look, I mean, I didn't want to have to say anything. Because I thought, you know, like you guys would check this out. But it is almost exactly a billion. I mean, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal.

And I didn't want to. It's fine. It's fine. You didn't notice that's fine. But I do think you should know this. But I was just hoping you just spotted it for yourself. You never thanked me for anything without me mentioning it. I just want to throw that up.

But it actually does get dumber, this math about the pyramids. Because if you take the pyramids and you make them a circle, you get pie. in that circle radius. Yes. Okay, let me ask a genuine question because the genuine interpretation I had of this statement was

if you took a pyramid and you made it a circle, all circles are related to pie in that all circles have radii. So, yeah, what he says is look at the perimeter of the base or not even make it a circle, the square perimeter of this base. If you take that perimeter

and you divide it by twice the height of the, the pyramid, you get pie. Now, first of all, like, Egyptians, bubble onions, they'd have had an approximate idea of pie. It's useful in building things. Ancient people had maths. Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly. But also, a natural four-sided pyramid

is going to have a ratio just naturally in this kind of region depending on the slope of it, because you only want to slope between certain degrees, anything more than that, and you've got something that's too tall and will fall down, anything less than that, it's not impressive. It's like, you're going to have something like that. But there are 18 pyramids, and this is the only, one that comes within not 0.5% of that being true.

So all the other ones didn't have that. So it's just you get a bunch of shapes and you start interrogating them all and you take the perimeter of the base, the base divided by, for some reason, twice the height and yeah, you might find a number that you recognize. And he says, it's almost impossible to brush this off as a coincidence.

And I wrote, watch me do the impossible right here. Look at me, the feats of impossibility I can do here. The amazement, yeah. All right. So now we're going to talk about the, valley of the kings. Yeah? So first of all, it's deep.

All right? It's very deep. It's just like underground tomb has all this painting like and they painted it without daylight. And I wrote my notes, okay, but they had fire, right? They had heard of fire. But no. Well, he says there's

no marks from any kind of such or anything like that. So it wasn't fire, apparently. Or, you know, they had the fire contained in something. I don't know. Yeah. But apparently it was a system of mirrors. And if that's true, that's actually cool. I say if that's true, I didn't bother looking it up and I do not trust this.

But it's objectively cool. They would be objectively cool. They painted all this virus system of very long mirrors and stuff. And it shits all over them to therefore assume that this was aliens. It just shits all over them for that. But deep inside, there's lots of pictures. There's a snake with wings. That's got to be an alien.

Nobody would just make that up, right? We also, we have a really insane. It's just a tiny moment. moment where you can tell he's just floating something, but we're talking about the tomb of Tutankhammon and about the mummy. And they think that the mummy was just ancient people trying to recreate what aliens were doing in their healing pots. Yeah, they were imitating alien conservation by embalming bodies. Because it used to be thought of as a religious practice, but we've now abandoned that and advanced our knowledge.

And now we think we collectively think it's an imitation of alien conservation. Yeah. Yeah. And I love the way he says, we don't think it's a religious thing anymore, which is quite handy because we just watched you desecrate a corpse for our entertainment. You pulled apart one of the mummies and we can see that what was there. So you desecrated that body. Thank God it wasn't a religious thing.

Yeah. And there's a lovely moment as well. It just shows kind of the old school archaeology to this, desecrate the corpses like that. They said all the other tombs had been looted in the course of centuries. And only this one retained its treasures until modern times. It's like, right. And then we looted it. It's in the British Museum.

We did still loot it, though. That's actually, and then we looted it is the post-colonic to the British Museum at this point. Yeah, exactly. There's an asterisk on every plaque that just at the bottom leads to. And then we looted. Our post-colonial post-colonic, yeah, absolutely. Exactly, yeah. So then we're going to look at some more big stuff.

But it's like not necessarily impressively big. Like, at one point we see an obelisk that would like be an abel. afternoon with a crane you could rent from Home Depot. Yeah. And they say it's literally like, how did that rock get there must be aliens? How them statues get there must be aliens. How that obelisk get there must be aliens. And then they go to this unfinished obelisk that's lying on the floor too big to move.

It's like, oh, how did it get there? It's too big to move. It's like, yeah, it's not finished. It was too big to move. Like, what's your point here? It's on the ground. This whole section, and it's been going on for a while as we get to this point in the film is just present.

They don't even say there must be aliens part out loud for most of it. They are literally just presenting unusual things and going, weird, right? What a coincidence. Couldn't be a coincidence, wink, wink, extraterrestrial level of weird. Like, they don't actually say aliens. They just want you to think aliens. Yeah. And they talk about, like, at one point, they show them trying to move something.

It said, look how many men and how much technology it takes to relocate this thing here. It's like, yeah, that's because relocating something is hard. because you want to preserve it. Locating something isn't hard. Like, you've got the thing, you've built it from scratch, and you're building it there. That's not hard because if you fuck it up,

you can adjust it in some kind of way. It's a difference between building a house and moving an entire house, like brick by brick. He's basically just impressed by moving, people moving big things. Yeah. This entire film is made

by somebody who doesn't understand how to move big things. Yeah, 100%. Yes. No, this is me trying to rearrange my office and blaming aliens. and says, surely aliens tangled all these wires behind my desks and didn't label anything. Curse you.

We go to like a Greek and Roman temple. And, okay, he says, the temples were built by the Greeks and Romans in historical times. Okay, the Greeks and Romans built them. Did they? They get to keep the things that they build. But then we find out that the blocks that they were resting on are too big to move. So those blocks must have been a launch pad for aliens because they were too big to move. or it's just that the quarry that the block came from

was up the hill so you could roll it down the hill on logs. And that is the real answer. And I think the movie knows that it's a real answer because when it came to the pyramids, it explicitly ruled that out. It said these blocks weren't moved on logs and they didn't come downhill. And then it gets to this one, it goes,

no idea how it got here. I can't think of any other ways of doing it, no idea. Look, if you believed us before, you'll believe us now. But I do like the idea that the reason aliens haven't come back to visit us that we just built shit on all their landing pads. They were like, I guess they hated them. We gave them that cool pyramid so they could cheat on their math tests

and this is how they thank us, dick. And I just like the idea that this movie thinks that any time there is a, like, a large, like, flat structure that's built by the aliens as a landing pad. Like that, you know, that rod that went to that 1970s telescope. I'd like to think that they thought that was also built by the aliens as a landing pad. Look at this road. How this road get here?

Must have been aliens as a landing pad. Yeah. So now we're going to have to have. head over to the oasis of Janette. It's not impressive enough that it was, yeah, that's how the locals pronounce it. You kind of have to be on the air. Well, they pronounce it Janet, and I wrote, wow, Janet gets her own oasis. Karen and Bev must be absolutely living about that.

Oh, Mildred's never felt more angry than when she learned she didn't get an oasis. I love a cuppa down at the oasis. Some of them all for them. Sheila got her own oasis and I don't know why she was allowed. Diane only got her cops and she was livid about that. I mean, she's no order on. You say we've jumped into the Oasis of Janet. We're spending a long time in North Africa.

We haven't mentioned that we whistled straight the way through Turkey. Like, they did Turkey in less than a minute. And now we're doing a lot of the places where the brown people are. We can't believe that they possibly would be built by anything other than aliens. Yeah, it's a bit like when Americans go on one of those European cruisers. Like, yeah, you did Turkey, but you were there for less than a minute. It doesn't even count as having done Turkey to be on. went to the gift shop and got right back on the spaceship again, Mark Lard.

That's not impressive. And don't worry, there are no impossible things in the oasis of Janet, but that is apparently where all the aliens went to get their portraits drawn. It's just that they're shit at drawing. Yes, and look, we've done some stretching so far in this movie, but I would argue we do not do stretching further than we do for these pictures. They're like, look at this floating figure. And I'm like, well, there's just not a horizon.

in the drawing. Like, we have no idea. Maybe it's supposed to be standing on it. It's just a drawing. He's not floating. He's lying on the back of a, of a, like an antelope-type creature. He's riding a horse.

Well, you say that, Alice, but the voice over very specifically says, a body appears to be floating effortlessly in space. In space? It's like, but you said space. You don't get to question space when you added the space space. Also, what do you mean effortlessly?

It's a drawing. Because there's no. ports holding up the sun. Oh, God. And then we come to, like, voice over again, what is this lumpy disc with a figure separating from it? And we're like, I don't know, man. Why don't you ask an expert? Why are you asking me this? This is

argument from lumpy disc painted on a rock. This isn't good evidence. No, it is not good evidence. We also start to do this weird narrative thing now where we're like, we're on it together. Like, all of a sudden, the movies decided we're in like a schoolhouse rock magic school bus thing. Because they do this where they go,

the last of our drinking water is sprinkling on the rocks to reveal, blah, blah, blah, right to revere me. And I was like, well, don't, don't spend the last of our drinking water. Reveal some pictures you think are aliens. Let's get ourselves, you know, let's drink first. Maybe get a hose. And this is where they see the 19th, look at this 19 foot drawing in a wall. It must have been a 19 foot giant.

Yeah, drawn at a one-to-one ratio. There's no way they could have done, I'm going to draw you, but bigger on this wall. So it must have been a genuine giant that they had. Not possible. He even says, to be sure, there are other explanations, and then they don't tell us any of them. Right, fine, yeah, reasonable. To be fair, if the alternate explanation to my life's work was, I don't know, sometimes people draw whatever the fuck they feel like, I also wouldn't list it out for people.

All right, but now we're going to head to darkest Africa. Their word's not mine to Zimbabwe, where we will find yet more big blocks, all exactly alike. And when he says this, he says, beneath us lies, darkest Africa. And I was in the middle of writing, oh, God, that's a racist scene transition. And then he carries on with the bushlands of southern Rhodesia, a place literally named after a racist.

Wow. And he says, nobody knows who built this ghost town in Zimbabwe. Yeah, but you're pretty sure Zimbabuans isn't a viable answer to that, not in darkest Africa, apparently. Well, yeah, because he gives us the reason, right? He shows us all the impossible things. First of all, the blocks he says are identical, not even close to identical.

We're looking at the wall. They're wildly different shapes and sizes. Also, why is he so impressed by wall? Has he been outside when it's chilly? Wall is a priority for pretty much everyone right away. Yeah, wall is pretty good stuff. I've been walking through the streets of Manchester and started spontaneously building walls in the help of capturing some warmth.

And he says, you know, basically their argument here is, well, aliens built all the bricks. and then the Zimbabweans nearby, they just lived around those, like brick walls, building straw huts and never knowing how to do the stones that they saw until white people came along and gave them stones again. And it's just maybe the time after that brick structure been built, they didn't need a brick structure.

Maybe they wanted to move around a bit more. Maybe the conditions didn't require bricks or why put the effort into brick when there's, that's not what you need. It doesn't have to be they forgot how to brick even when looking directly at stones and bricks. Yeah. Also, the implications.

of surely these straw hot dwelling Africans can't have done that definitely makes it seem like they were just, you know, too simple to understand the technology. Right? The funny thing about all of this like the aliens come and do it thing is that no ancient people that he ever describes picked up on this information and then carried it forward or wrote down like, hey guys, just a reminder, this is how the aliens taught us about germ theory. And yet the World War II encounter with apparent names. They immediately started building straw airplanes.

Right, yeah. Yeah, that's an excellent point. Yeah, there's never a bit where they're writing down, okay, so I'm just, yesterday I watched Mark Clark making those bricks. And I think I can do it myself. I know we've only got two arms and not six, but I reckon I can give that a solid try. Yeah, no, it's square.

I think I've got it. I think I got squared. I think I've managed to figure out rectangle now that I've seen Mark Clark do it. Yeah, it's not going to be a percentage of the distance from here to the sun, but it'll serve a purpose as a building material. You told me not to aim for that on my first try anyways. He said, you know what?

You're learning. Don't go for the aim for distance percentage of the sun special. Yeah, just go for regular brick walls, which you would totally build anyways. I mean, actually, in fairness, it is a percentage of the distance to the sun. They can just figure out what percentage afterwards and go, you see, that's what I was going for. I was going for exactly that percentage of the distance from here to the sun. It too might have achieved ish. All right.

Well, I need a break to apologize. for that last scene, just into the middle distance. So let me give Act 3 the hard sell here. How big, if not aliens? How tall, if not spacemen? Is everything with a head an alien?

Find out the answer to these questions and more. We return for the credulitacular conclusion of Chariot of the gods. Come, come quickly, sun god. For the last time, I'm not a sun god. I'm an

Alien. Sun God's so funny. Anyways, ta-da. Jesus, what have you done? Oh, me making healing pod. So you don't have to go back to Sun Planet. Oh, man, I really appreciate what you're trying here, man. But the healing pods are actually...

Look, look, I even put King in here. Oh, Jesus, what have you done to him? Oh, you know, wrap him in bandages, scramble his brain with long stick, healing pod stuff. This is not... Okay, you know what? No more healing pod stuff, okay? Healing pod stuff will make people die, okay? Okay, okay.

Look, I've got to go, but you guys are all set, right? Remember, healing pod stuff makes people die. Got it. Only do healing pod stuff to people already dead. Wait, what? Nice guy, Sun God. Spent too much time on phone. Okay, can I interest you in a handful of pretzels in a bowl with old Cheerios? I think I'll pass.

Hey, guys, are you ready to finish the shore? Yeah, sorry, I was just trying to give Dr. some food for my new diet, but she's a little bit picky. Honestly, I'm fine. What new diet's this? Oh, I call it the I have a five-year-old diet. It's mostly the discarded leavings of my child's meals. There's a lot of Cheerios involved.

Right, I see. Look, Eli, if you'd like to eat better and you don't have a lot of time to do it, you should try Factor. What's? Factor. Factor is how to stop letting a busy schedule be your excuse. They've got prepared meals designed by dieticians and crafted by chefs, ready in two minutes, no planning, no cooking. That sounds great, Marsh, but don't those meal kits get kind of samey?

Not with Factor. Factor has 100 rotating weekly meals to keep things fresh and delicious through winter. Options include high protein, calorie smart, Mediterranean diet, GLP1 support, and ready to eat salads. Have you actually tried it? I have. Factor sent us a box to try when they became a sponsor. I love that I can get a delicious chef-prepared meal in just two minutes. That's why I, Eli Bosnik, personally endorse Factor. All right, guys, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Head to factomails.com slash awful 50 off and use called Awful50 off to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year.

Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying ultra-renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. All right, Marsh, thanks. Okay, shall we finish up the show then? Yeah, yeah. Alice, you sure you don't want the gummies my son's autism has decided or the wrong shape? Yeah, I'm good. Is the problem round?

I'm not sure, Marsh. I'm not sure. But they are wrong. I've been informed vehemently. They're wrong. And we're back for more of this shit. When we left off, we were talking about darkest Africa. And so now we're going to talk about jaunty Mexico.

So the gods used to hang out in Mexico apparently all the time, right? The Aztec gods were all over the place. In fact, they even left a special calendar. This giant round calendar storm, I had weird flashbacks about this because this reminded him an awful lot of something that we saw unleashed as the cosmic calendar at the flat earth shore.

Can you remember that, Dallas? I think Martin Kenny was the guy in the evening who, he was the evening talk. He was the evening entertainment, yes. Yeah, like I was, I hesitated to say entertainment because they took him seriously and we saw the craziest thing of all time. He brought,

He had to be in the evening because he brought props, because the props was so big. They needed to set them up in a different location so he could give his talk. Yeah, and it was like this one thing that was two meters high, we found out what it was, but for the first hour of his talk, he's just got these three things underneath cloths,

so you can't see them. And they're told them he is, and we're like, what's under the cloth? And one was a Papi and Mashir version of the flat earth with dongs and lights and stuff like that and all the planets. Actually, two of them were that in different ways. Which I loved it. It was so, it was so awfully made in that it was massive, absolutely massive flat Earth. Yeah.

And then it had these plastic, like, flexible strips that were in arcs over the flat earth with planets, like polystyrene planets just stuck on them. Yeah, like ping pong balls. Apart from Mercury, Mercury, which had fallen into the sea. Oh. It was amazing. But then the other thing he had was a blackboard on which he'd drawn the cosmic calendar, this circular cosmic calendar. He said predicted all of the past and all of the future and everything that would ever happen

and he spent an hour talking it through and it looked an awful lot like this Aztec Stone calendar. So maybe that's where he got it from or maybe that's where they got it from. Was he not using that calendar to plan a trip that he was going to take, Marsh? A trip that he, yeah, when all of the domes around the various layers of the earth would recede and you'd be able to travel outwards

to one of the further out rings that had been there longer, which is like traveling back in time. Or you could go to the center of the earth, which is what sounded like what he was saying, it's kind of where heaven is. And the more he talked about how he really wanted to do that trip, but it wasn't quite the right time. He was going to do it with a friend,

the two of them agreed to do it together and then they both decided they weren't going to do it. It did sound like a suicide pact. Like his way of getting to the center of the earth was to kill himself. Now, I can't be certain that's what it was, but it did sound... I mean, if you remember, Alice, it sounded that way.

It sounded that way, yeah. Well, it's also just hard to make plans with friends when you get older. I mean, you know, people get kids. Schedules are hard to line up. And then you got to wait for the past, the present, and the future to line up so that you can dig into the center of the earth by drinking poison,

Goulade or whatever it is funny to do. Yeah, that was an evening. That was an evening. We've all been there. So we're going to look at some more pictures, right? There are some things that kind of look like rockets. There's this weird moment because we're doing, we go through every possible pyramid in South America.

right? We're Machupeche with just every single one. This one, the section ends, I only pointed out because the section end, he goes, then it took six centuries for them to build, and then the Spaniards built a church on top of it. Yeah, that is a dick move, but the Spaniards will do that back then. It is great because he's like, look at all these people that build pyramids. Isn't that because it's aliens? Or is it because that's just a stack? What you've got there is a pile.

If you were to just pile things up, the sturdiest way to do that without them rolling. back down again is in a triangle. And then when he shows this pyramid, it's like, okay, what happens if you multiply this pyramid's like perimeter by its height or its height by a billion? Do you get pie? Do you get the distance to the earth? Do you get nothing?

No, that's why you didn't mention it. If you got anything at all from those calculations, you'd have told us, but you don't, and that's why you're just hiding that from us. Yeah, these were more of the English language-focused nerds. If you measure the parameter, you get all the works of Shakespeare or something like that. But wait, if this hadn't been aliens, why would one time a native person tell a white guy that the people who built their stuff was white?

It's a good argument. It's a good point. It's a good point. They keep coming back to that. They love this idea that only big things can only have been built by white aliens. Yes, white. I like now that the aliens even have to be white. So to be clear, for those of you who aren't aware of this particular pocket of

white supremacist A history is actually the person who first made this argument, the historical figure who first made this argument, was trying to make the argument that the Vikings were the ones who built all the pyramids of South America because they didn't believe in aliens, but Vikings were sort of the OG aliens when it came to taking credit for the people of color stuff. So he's now using this to use it as an example of how the red, bearded, white-skinned aliens dropped by.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And also they keep saying, and then they went back up to the stars. They came from above. They were gods. And again, yeah, people thought the gods came from up because that was one of the directions they had access to. That's literally all that is. Yeah. You never see, never gives the aliens credits for coming from below the earth,

even though a bunch of gods do come from below the earth as well. Not quite sure about down, apparently. So we're going to look at some more pictures. And this is where we get a line. We get a specific line. He says, look at this thing here. It's another testimony to the brilliance of the ancient Mexican civilization. How was it conceived?

Who were its architects? And I wrote Mexicans. Otherwise, you're robbing them of the brilliant. It's not brilliant Mexican architecture if they didn't, like, if they weren't the architects. It's Mexicans who did it, you dick. Yep. We look at some more pictures here. They have squares on their pictures.

So those are probably radios. They go, maybe they're radios. And I wrote in my notes, maybe their Nintendo Switch 3, dude. It's a square. Yeah. Look at these pillars. They've got statues on them wearing helmets and a box-like unit on their chest. And when you look, it's a headdress and just armor or clothing from the time and the culture. Like, speak to one person who's known anything about this culture, and they will tell you that. Yeah, it's for decoration or it's ceremonial dress. It makes me think of, like, in the future, they're going to think that the Pope's hat is actually a weird helmet. Future generations are absolutely going to be like, and then another alien. named Leopold.

What are the chances? Yeah. Look how tall his head was. It must be an alien. Look how tall this man's head was. He's got a stupid hat on. It happens. Cone head.

Yeah, exactly. We also get this weird thing here. Okay. By all means, tell me if I'm heathing it up and if I'm reading it to something that is not there. Okay. But they talk about how the Mayan population departed for no reason and they were replaced

by the most peaceful people in Latin America. And then we get all these shots of all the people who live around the area now. Are they saying that the aliens fucked a bunch of people and made more docile Mexicans? Do you know what? Maybe. That's what I felt was being implied.

It is weird that they specifically say they are perhaps the most peaceful people in Latin America. It's such a weird line. But also as they're doing that and they're cutting around to different people's face and things, we get two different shots of two different women breastfeeding.

I wrote it's to try and seem like they're lesser human. And as I was writing that, the voiceover said, their faces today still have the haunting beauty of their ancestors preserved for us in stone. And it's, ah, it just feels like you're saying these aren't real human people. 100%. You're saying like they're 1-118th alien, trust us. Yeah. Did they get the well here as well?

They get this kind of look at this circle in the ground. It couldn't have formed naturally, nor could human hands alone have scooped it out? And it's like, okay, but what if something was in those hands? Could that have helped them scoop for this? This well out. But this bugs me so much, this, how can it be so circular and natural? It's like you just, you don't understand science. Circles are energetically favorable.

They, they mix, the spheres in nature all over the place. We literally live on the globe because round things are energetically favorable. It's that well is a natural sinkhole. It was made by nature. Do you think? I also love, this bit really bugged me. I love this bit where he's like, oh, there was this drought. And whenever there were times of drought, they would.

go on this big pilgrimage to a well as if it's this really primitive thing to like go, it's like, they just went to find water. They needed water. They went to find water. It wasn't some like ceremonial or religious pilgrimage. They just went to get some water. Yeah, I do the same pilgrimage when I'm out of milk.

Like, oh, I'm going to make a stupidity, I'm out of milk. I've got to do a pilgrimage to Tesco's. The ancient right of Thirsty. So now this is where we get our big reveal of the Mayans. It's a big guy in a spaceship. And this is where they really go hard on the like interpretations of the picture. We're informed that he's pressing a pedal with his foot

and that his vehicle has jets and flames. We're looking at it. Absolutely none of that is happening. None of that is true. Absolutely none of it. He's seated in a capsule. The chair is well upholstered. There is no chair.

There's no chair at all. This is the wing god of Palank, who's on the burial storm of somebody. And what I love is even when they introduce this scene, they say after eight refusals, we are finally granted permission to film this. It's like, guys, take a fucking hint. Take that, like they told you no, eight times.

Just go away. But yeah, it's bad. They say, like, when you look at this, we have to examine each detail separately. And what you mean is, if we break this down and frame it only with, like, their specific meaning on each detail and don't look at the entire thing,

they can pretend it's something that it definitely, definitely isn't. Like, they film it from the side to make him look like he's riding one of those hover bikes from Return of the Jedi that they go through the forest planet on. But he's meant to be lying on his back above the underworld, under the tree of life.

It's all stuff you could very easily explain if you talk to just one person who knew what they were talking about here. Well, I think that's the first eight people who said no to them, right? They were like, well, we want a picture of the spacetrano and he was like, oh, no, he's lying on his back. And they were like, we were refused to entry once again

by someone who, by these damn tour guides. But then the security guard fell asleep, which is kind of a yes. That's when we started to fill. It's so stupid. They say, look, he's dressed for the job. He's not dressed for the job. If you look, he looked to me like he's mostly naked,

but with some bracelets and some anklets on. What do you think happens on the ISS, like the International Space Station, that you think they're floating around naked, naked wearing jewelry and hairdress? Well, yeah, he says he's wearing pants and a jacket, which implies that aliens from thousands of years ago would all be dressed in, you know, 70s-ish clothing.

Yeah, and he's not wearing pants in a jacket. No. They're saying, look at the cuffs that shows that he's wearing a jacket. And it's a bracelet. It's just a bracelet contemporary to the time. That's all this is. Yeah, and they're saying like, oh, and when they cut from him, like, lying in his, what they think is their back, they cut to someone in the ISS, like, as an astronaut,

lying around like that. And yeah, you can make it look like an astronaut if you specifically find pictures of astronauts in that pause. But I'm sure if I was in a, if I had enough. time, I could find a porn star in the same pause. Like, he's already on his back, legs parted and bent, while his right hand is very clearly wanking off a guy's done next to him. I'm going to start, this is the ancient Orney Fans theory at this point.

Only Fans has been around since these ancient times, and we've just rediscovered it. Yes, what do you think they were fans of? Aliens, that's exactly right. But look, no bullshit movie about aliens would be complete without a trip to the one, the only Easter Island. That's where we're headed now. Yes, God Almighty, lock up your monuments, von Danigans here. It's like hiding

your good silverware when the bad party of family are visiting, like put those in a cupboard where they won't find. Yes, exactly. We see some pictures of birds, and he's like, here we see carvings of birds. But what if they're not birds? Yeah. Are these birds' heads or helmets equipped with oxygen masks? Like,

why is they drew some birds an outlandish interpretation for an island people surrounded by fucking birds. This whole film is just a combination of cherry picking to fit particular stories into their narrative, but since they never actually fit them into the narrative, they are just asking questions about all the things

that they're presenting. Yeah, I mean, but they're not just asking questions because they took that question mark off the end of the title, actually, so they're not even doing the questions anymore. Yeah, no, it's exclamation points if it's anything, yeah? But guys, we know that. that the native people of Easter Island couldn't have carved the big heads

because 70% of the population is women and children. Women and children cannot carve things. Dr. Alice, have you ever attempted to carve and why was your vagina so intensely involved in the process that it made it impossible for you? Did you not see any men carving with hands first? Or was it, it's just a... I'm a feminist. I'm an ally.

I want to know how I can help you learn to carve. Yeah. I've never seen you carve a single skull, Charles. I've run around you for quite a few times. You've never carved a massive giant head at any point that I've seen you. No, that's because I'm doing like the actual work, whereas it apparently on Easter Island in the past, the women had nothing else to do.

So it was just the men doing the work, and so they couldn't have carved it because they were too busy working. Yeah, sorry, my husband's burying most of a statue up to its neck in the hopes that someday a racist Dutch guy will take the credit away from him. It's been a tough winter. Okay, this is also where we get, so this is what he was hoping for. I'm not going to explain it the way they explained it because it's so convoluted and confusing. Here's what they were hoping for.

And you know, Easter Island is covered in electromagnetic fields unlike anywhere else in the world. So that's not quite true. So instead, what they went with, electromagnetism exists on Easter Island. So maybe the aliens have magneto powers. Yeah, it's great. I think his actual code, because, yeah, they talk about mana, don't they? They're using mana because two of the legends of Easter Island

claimed that the storm giants moved with the help of mana, a mysterious force. Like, yeah, it's a story, man. It's just a fucking story. But instead of recognizing that, that's just a story, he asks, what was mana? Were there strangers from other planets, possessed of electromagnetic powers?

Did they have the ability to defy the laws of gravity? And it sounds like when Noah is cutting to a break on this show. They found out the answer to these questions and no more when we get back. It's no, no, and no. the answers. Yeah. So now it's time to head over to Peru or as Alice has put it in our notes, why have you done this to me? This is the most boring thing I think I've ever watched. This is not going to come across from the conversations we're having because we are making it sound way more interesting than it actually is. This is genuinely dull as fuck. It is just lots

of filming footage of people and places around, but not actually talking to people or people. Like, I'm interested in history and yet you're showing me the most boring parts of history and not adding any context. Yeah. To give you an example of how bottom of the barrel we are scraping now for aliens, Machu Picchu is kind of high off the ground. Yep. Yep. The whole thing on, they don't even tell us anything about like aliens having built Machupeachu. They just show it and then like cut to locals. And I assume the director is also staring at us going, come on. Come on. Really? Those got this? Those guys?

Him. Come on. It's like when someone has a really hot wife and you're like, are you rich that I didn't know? That's how Eric von Donison feels about all people of color throughout history. But Alice, you must have like tuned in it. You must have like perked up at this point, though, because we're in Peru. They do show us some lamas and they are good lamas. There are some good lamas. We're in Bolivia.

There are some great lamas. There are also some brilliant bowl hats. The ladies are wearing some excellent bowl hats. I really like it. It's true. Yeah, between the lamas. It's good. Again, our listeners are not able to see our notes,

but there is a whole dialogue between Marsh and Alice in our notes about how good the llamas are. So good llamas, they're excellent llamas. Excellent llamas, they are. And they do, again, they randomly show faces in the crowd. There's a baby, but he's got his bum out. He's having his like nappy chains in public. And they've got to show these people as like uncivilized savages

who can't even cover their breasts when feeding a baby or go indoors to change the baby's nappy. Like at one point, they show us a young child and she has food on her face. Like, oh, come on. Her people can't possibly have built Machu Picchu. And let me tell you this. Nicola, my lovely wife, has food on her face

about 80% of the time. And to be fair, I don't think she could build one of the wonders of the ancient world. She couldn't build Manchipu either. That is very fair. I believe in you, Nicola. I think you could have been. Especially one of the easier hanging gardens of Babylon.

Come on. You got that. She could have done hanging gardens. Babylon. This is another one of those sections where the natives of Peru said that the buildings, these big impressive buildings that have special overlapping edges were built by a light-skinned person with ginger hair, except we are told that by the Spanish invaders who had reason to want to imply that white people are better at doing things than the native people from this country. Well, you say that, Alice, but in doing so, you are betraying the heritage of white

skin people with ginger hair. And is that something you want to do to give away your people's treasures like that? If you can't trust the conquistadors, who can you trust? So now we head over to Australia because I feel like he felt like, well, if there wasn't one on every continent, somehow the aliens would have skipped a place and that wouldn't have made any sense. Well, you say that, but he says the mysteries of the past manifest on all continents. It's like, apart from Europe, though, weirdly, because we haven't gone to Italy and gone,

that was not made by them. we haven't done that bit. No. So we're going to look at some more pictures. The legendary goddess of the Milky Way here. I wrote in my notes, you know, it would be a lot more interesting if that was actually referred to as the Milky Way in the drawing, but no. She is not. She's just the legendary goddess.

Their hands aren't like ours. So that means that they, they're aliens. Yeah. Because you couldn't just not draw hands wrong. I wrote in my notes, oh man, no one introduced him to the Simpsons. Or he'll think Matt groaning in the. crew were alien. And then there's also this great moment where he starts imposing electronics on the pictures,

right? Yeah. So as one that's just like supposed to be a cave drawing, but then if you superimpose a circuit onto it, it's exactly the same. Yeah, it's great. If we look at a painting of an old piece of jewelry and then draw on it as if it were a circuit diagram, it starts to look like a circuit diagram and then they just move right on again.

It's like, you can draw what you like on something and say, look what I've drawn on the thing. It doesn't mean anything at all. My favorite is the mechanical space claw. Yes. They go to a drawing. They're like, this looks like a mechanical space claw. It's like, it's just a lever.

People had levers in the past. Yeah. Yeah. It says this one might be a modern mechanical space claw. You know, one of those modern space claws you get these days. You can't move for all these modern mechanical space claws we're always using. You know those space claws they have in the corner of the grocery store so you can get the high stuff off the shells, those space claws.

But what's so funny is they've animated. made of the space claw so that we can see how it would move. And it's wildly inefficient because it is not, in fact, a space claw. Yeah, it's terrible. Also, they've got like a little statue of a 5,000-year-old Japanese statue. And so to explain what that is, we turn to a Russian sci-fi writer to explain what it is. We don't go to anyone from Japan. It's like, we found this 5,000-year-old statue in Japan.

So we asked a guy from the other side of the world with no expertise what it might be. and he thinks they're aliens wearing space suits with these metal hands that are specially suited for their home planets or it's a fat guy in funny helmet because art, who can say which of these it is? Or anybody ever in the history of time made an imperfect construction of the human form. Yeah, but we're about to get my favorite lie

of the entire movie. This was almost my favorite, this is almost my bet worst because they show us this little cup. He was like, you see this cup? if you put fucking shitting it and then electrical shit, it's a battery. I wrote in my notes. Yeah, if you put broccoli cheddar soup in there,

it's a bread bowl, man. Yeah, if you take this thing and add all the ingredients that would turn it into a battery, you can turn it into a battery. But they didn't have any of those things. So, yeah, it's not that, is it? And to be clear, they did it. Right?

He's not saying, like, look, and this is how they were used. And we found all this stuff inside him. He's literally just saying, here is a container that could hypothetically be turned into a battery, therefore it was a battery. And why did they need that? Because they're putting in acid and things, which obviously what we do with the battery,

but why would they need that? Because he's already established that if you make a golden box big enough as the size of the Ark of the Covenant, it becomes magically electric. So why weren't they just using that everywhere? All of these, there's no consistency. No. This is happening all around the world.

But in wildly inconsistent ways, all of the depictions of aliens that they show us. Look at this alien, look at this alien. They look nothing like each other. So were these all different aliens? Or is it just people all around the world tried to draw people and were bad at it then? That's all it is. I like to think that just half the aliens had O2 and half the aliens had the other service, right?

To PSENG and Verizon both doing different alien technologies. So now it's time to head back to Moscow, where we're going to learn about more. aliens. There are some prehistoric relics. We see the skull of a bison and we know it was shot with an alien bullet because nothing but a bullet makes holes. This is such a brilliant part because they zoom in on the, on the hole in the skull of the, what did you say it was, a cow, a bison, basically a cow. American cow. And they zoom in on it. It's like, okay, but what I know from all of the forensic things that you end up absorbing is bullet holes are really, really specific.

If you had more proof that it was from a bullet, you would have presented that proof. The fact that you didn't suggest that that evidence does not exist. Yeah, exactly. There's just a hole in the skull of a bison. So it must be shot in a head by a bullet because what else can put a hole in a skull,

as if primitive people had some kind of way of, I don't know, propelling a projectile at speed so that it would might, I don't know, arrow into the head of a bison, like that. Yeah. Or maybe there was just one weird sicko caveman who was just like, I'm going to drill a fucking fuckhole in this forehead. And then it was too small and he felt self-conscious and he was like, well, I don't want to be exactly the right. I'm just saying there are lots of reasons except for ancient space, Balian bullets. Yeah. This is also one of my favorite parts of the movie. This is where

we get the recreation of the Russian cave paintings, right? Yeah, this is, this is amazing. He said, this is a careful copy of a prehistoric rock painting found in Uzbekistan. That's a, what this is. If you look at it, it's got like a little alien guy, it's got a very obvious UFO. It's got surprisingly complex, like shading and composition for the image. And this is amazing proof. If this is true, how come this is the only time that we see a copy of the painting and we don't see the actual rock painting itself? We never actually go, here's a copy of this rock painting and here is the rock that it came from, which tells you that this really is a rock painting. And the answer to that, genuinely, I look this up, this image was actually the 1967 cover image for Sputnik magazine's report on the ancient astronaut theory.

In the full image, it has the artist's signature on it. And like the next month the magazine had to offer a correction to say, sorry, you know when we put the caption saying, this is the real image? We put it on the wrong thing. We put that on the artist's image. We meant to put it on the real image, which I've included in the short notes here. That is the real image of an astronaut if somebody wants to describe that for the list. Yeah, I would go ahead and call this not my five-year-old's best work, this drawing. It definitely does not represent the heavy metal cover that they explained to us was an exact replica of the ancient drawing.

It looks a bit like someone has crucified Jesus with an Afro. That's what it looks like. He's got a massive Afro. They've set it a light. They've crucified him. And then they've carved that onto a rock, and that is proof of aliens. And they did a smaller, less efficient crucifix for his dick as well that no one really wants to talk about. It's not quite. But now it's time for us to get to in conclusion.

We get a fucking in conclusion to our movie, which can I say at this point, I was just as bored as Alice was. And I was like, oh, thank God. In conclusion, yes, please. Yeah. And his conclusion is, look, we've shown you a bunch of stuff now. So, you know, point proven, we're all good now. Aliens are real. They're death all real, right?

We've showed you so much stuff. Yeah. This movie basically tries to. to conclude its movie the way I tried to get late in college. It's just like, look, I've done everything I can. I show you ship-shaped things that are basically spaceships. I went to dinner and I only threw up a little bit. What's going on here?

What do I got to do? But then we're going to go to the Plains of Nasca. And I'll say, I think the planes of NASCAR are actually like pretty dope. I think they're cool. But I was like, all right, I know about the plans of NASCA. They're a spider and eagle and a peacock. I'm pretty sure aliens didn't draw a spider and an idiot. eagle and a beacock. And this is where the movie informs us as it's leaving the room.

Like it's literally closing the door behind it and it goes, well, those are just airport. They're alien airports. And those are, I guess the spider was a fucking gate sign, right? So the aliens would know like, oh, no, I'm flying into spider on Tuesday. Yeah. No, I like spiders. It's a nice terminal. They've got an auntie's pretzel there. Yeah. It's great. He says the NASCAR lines mean nothing from the ground. And that's true as long as you don't ask anyone who might know what they meant from the ground. Like, you can make the same argument about art attack with Neil Buchanan. Like, what are all these things on the ground?

This is meaningless to anybody who's on the ground. But yeah, exactly. No, no, they must have been made for someone arriving by air. One of my favorite quotes in the whole film is the point at which he goes, there's no doubt they are landing fields. It's the most assertive they've ever been about anything. Yeah. He basically says, look, whatever else you think about my movie,

which there are 10 seconds left in, we can all agree, this is a fucking alien airport, okay? Yeah, it's great. Finding common ground. And like, just a quick reminder, Eric Van Dangan's of time in prison for fraud multiple times throughout his life, including after he wrote this book. Okay, but not for this book. And that's what matters.

This is a kind of lying you'll never be convicted of. All right. And I think that's going to do it for our review of Chariot of the Gods. Marsh, Alice, thanks so much for joining me. Thank you with absolute pleasure. And if our listeners want to hear more of you, where should they go? Perhaps together? Is there a place where you guys do a thing together?

I was letting Alice do the plug because I do all the plugs whenever we do any of our works. I was leaving space for Alice do a plug here. Fine, and I'll do the plug. You can find us at our podcast that we do together with our co-host, Mike, at Skeptics with Okay. And you can also find us. We do Skeptic magazine, the UK version, not the US version, which is a very different thing. And you can find us at various other places. We run events and things in Liverpool.

So we're all over the place. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, but that's like all sold out. So there's no point. Well, no, there's still, we're going to release some more tickets in the coming sort of weeks and months. There's going to be some more tickets. But it also, if you're just regularly in the Liverpool area, drop in on our Merseyside

Skeptic Society. You know, we've got events on twice a month. They're always excellent. Merseysidesceptics.org.com. Come along. Come along. Check it out. And, of course, all of that will be linked in the show notes.

If you haven't sent any of that stuff, check it out. So, while that does it for our review of Charity of the Gods, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to tease you for next week. So you're probably wondering, what's on deck? Well, a conspiracy will turn tragic as the county sheriff fights to be elected for another turn. He will have an unusual suspect appear during the investigation.

While struggling in his own personal life, he will have to find answers to save his job, a missing girl, and his marriage. we'll be returning to the world of the Right Family Films with Restoring Grace. Oh, God, amazing. A Wright Family film. Yeah, yep. No, it's time. It's time I've missed

them. So, with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 547 to a merciful close. Thanks to Marsh and Dr. Alice once again for joining us, and a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors who help make this show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com,

says God awful, and thereby earn early access to an ad-free version of every single episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist, citation needed, D&D Minus,

and the Skeptocrat. Available Wherever your podcasts live. If you have comments, questions, or cinematic suggestions, you can email god-awful movies at gmail.com. Jim Robinson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Giraffes on Mars. All other music was written and performed

by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, was used with his permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Alice Holworth and Michael Marshall. I'm Eli Bosnick. Promising to work hard to earn another trick next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club clothes. Eric Van Danigan went on to tell the biggest lie of his career

when he emailed me to say yes, he would be happy to be interviewed by me on Being Reasonable. Dr. Alice started a rumor that Chariot of the Gods was actually written by Bigfoot, see how you like it, Eric. The triangle-headed aliens who visited our planet were wildly insulted that they got left out of all the pictures depicting their visits. I had to do a thing the other day where I was like, hey man, you know that there's a version of this where we have to become enemies and I write an article about all your tricks, right? Alice, Alice doesn't know, I don't think. Oh, okay.

So do you know who O's the mentalist is, Alice? No. Lucky you. So O's is a magician here in the States. has become wildly popular on Instagram and TikTok and those other places, like millions and millions of followers, probably the most popular magician, like in the

United States at this point. He mostly does celebrity appearances. And he has always dabbled in doing right-wing stuff. Right? He's not a right-wing guy. He's just always, like he went on the Joe Rogan show and he goes on all those sort of right-wing podcasts. Not Alex

Jones, but the ones that where you're sort of like, ooh, I don't know the little to hang out with those people, right? And I've sort of been like, hey, be a little careful about that, and he's been like, ah, I don't do politics. So two weeks ago, it was announced that he will be hosting the White House Correspondence Dinner with

Donald Trump. Oh, dear. And I'm like, buddy, we have crossed the Rubicon. I kind of honestly, I felt like we crossed the Rubicon when we hung out with Joe Rogan for three hours and never said, like, I'm not scared of trans children, but it's fine, it's fine.

Now we have definitely crossed the Rubicon. caught into doing Hitler's birthday. Oh, dear. Yeah, that is bad. That is not great. It is bad. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and Thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2026. All rights reserved.