God Awful Movies - 561: Mercy Streets

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

This week, we reach back into the earlier, slightly less pathetic portions of the career of both David AR White and David AR White, who take on dual roles in Mercy Streets.---Find more jason on instagram at @JasonsuranIf you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawfulCheck out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus.Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/

Yeah, this is why me, no, and Cecil don't invite this. Whatever. So, yeah, but... But he realized this. Got it for a blood transfusion. Everybody knows. That's why he's lost all that weight. Jesus Christ.

He's not telling a lot of people. All right, moving on. Eli's lashing out. I'm sorry. This is what I feel left out. I say that people have AIDS when they don't have AIDS. Okay. awful movie.

Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because make a new business card at this point would be a whole big thing. I'm your host, Noah Lusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left as my good friend Heath and Wright.

Heath, welcome back. Thanks, Noah. We got David, Harold White again. It's so exciting. Again, back to back. Well, actually, it's like we get three of him in two weeks. And, of course, sitting 900 miles to my northeast

is my bad friend, Eli, Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? We got Moishi back in the house. Hell, yeah, baby. We all, everybody except for Morgan is excited to welcome back a veteran guest massacist who's been away for too long. Moisci is a longtime friend of Eli's who's too ashamed of that fact to ever have given out his real name on this show before. Moishi, welcome back. Until today.

Well, because now we're on video. Because now we're on video, there's no hiding. And more importantly, this is a very special pod for me today. because I don't know if you guys know this. Eli knows this, but I have a conflict of interest now. What's that? Yeah, because David A.R. White and I are now super best friends. Are you?

What? Do they know about this yet, Eli? I have not revealed this on air. I wanted to give, I wanted to let you. So, guys, I have some pretty big news that I don't know if I'm even allowed to do this because come on. Okay, so listeners, listeners who are not watching this, Moishe is showing us now, I guess Jason is showing us now a picture of him with David A.R. White.

Sorry, are you at a pajama party? We sure were. I met David A.R. White at a pajama party. At the Christian Playboy Mansion. Nope. At a pajama party in the south of France. What the fuck is happening? I swear.

At Cairns, right? Do you have a really sad Cannes Festival for Christian movies? shit can it's called cannais it was it was a bit of a sad can to begin with this year but because they let you in I was at can I was at can because they let me in and there was a pajama

party at this like chateau and I I went and you had to put on pajamas you had to change out of whatever you were in you they literally vetted your pajamas at the door and I go in and I'm talking to people and it kind of sucks and all of a sun I like a beam from the fucking

heavens literally turn up to my left and I see a glorious set of highlighted bangs. Wow. And I lost my and nobody I was with gave a flying fuck. No, but everyone understood what was going on. She called his mother after this, Jason,

to say like, hey, someone recognized me in France and Gans, a Jew. So is that Neo-Con? It's this really shitty film festival. Yeah. Terrible Christians. So I go up to him. and I introduced myself and I was like, hey, you're David H.R. White.

He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I am. And I realized I didn't know what I was going to say because you don't want to be a total asshole to someone directly to their face. So all I said was, I do. I know. So all I said was, I want you to know how wildly important your films have been to my friend group for many, many years. Oh, there you. That's honest, technically.

And I swear to you, he knew. Of course. He knew. He took one look at my Jewish. fucking things. He's like, well, you don't like them. And the shit eating grin on my lips. And he fucking knew.

Yeah. Amazing. But he took the photo. He took the photo. And then I ran around the party to all my friends for the next half hour trying to explain how great this was. And they were all just like, so you don't like his movies. And I was like, yeah. And they were really excited.

You're really excited. Don't like his movies, though. Yeah. So this is. This is a special one. Interesting. Interesting. All right.

Yeah. So I think this is the first. This is the closest we've ever come to a direct connection on the show. So tell us. Was he really sad the whole time because his life is really sad? Could you just like feel that on him? You know what? We only talked for a few minutes.

And one of the people who was in our little circle was like, oh, like, what do you do to him? Because I was coming up to him like he was a celebrity. And he's like, oh, I make movies. You know, I produce. And I'm here to sell a film. And it took everything in me not to be like, David, you don't just make move. Tell her, David. Tell her about Christian Wick.

Yeah, right, right. Tell her about God's Not Dead Four, buddy. Yeah. You humble. I wanted to talk. We were buddies. I wanted to talk him up, you know? He needs a hype man.

He does need a hype man. He had good pajamas. He's single these days. No, they look cozy. All right, so tell us, Heath. What will we be breaking down today? We watched Mercy Streets. It's the story of David A.R. White,

wanting to experience the magic of being in a movie with David A.R. White and everything opposite. David A.R. White. The David A.R. White. Yeah. Right. Right. So exciting. Twice as much David A.R. White in this movie. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the classic, which identical-looking guy is it action thrillers of the 90s and early 2000s. But you wish it contained literally none of the things that made those movies interesting or even about two identical people. You will love this movie. Let me hit you with a challenge here. Is there any reason why they

couldn't just be brothers and this be the exact same movie? There is not. Right. No. Right. Yeah. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of the year? Hair. Yeah. Well, of course. Of course. That's the fucking easy. That's a fucking way up shot.

Three minutes of this movie and I just went to the top of the notes and it was like, Bessler's hair. Crazy ridiculous. And Eli had already written in BestWur by then. He just doesn't type as fast. He's got the got the got guy bangs. And then at one point in the movie, he actually cuts his bangs in a personal crisis. It's the fucking best.

And still looks fucking ridiculous. Yeah. So we're going to spend a lot of time on that, I do believe. I was going to go with it. I was surprised. I don't think I saw anybody else to have a note on this. Best Worst Wardrobe Malfunction. Oh.

Was there a nip slip? There was an ass slip. So at one hour, 29 minutes, 40 seconds. Sorry, I couldn't quite get the screenshot of this. But I got the exact second. There's a fight where David A.R. White is fighting David A.R. White. And one of the David A.R. whites has a rip in his pants that he is like, all like, it's showing ass and leg. It's that deep

a rip in the pants as he tackles him to the ground. Yeah, it's, it's a homeless guy ripped pants. Yes. It's a tricky scene because David A.R. White and David A.R. White have it in their rider that they can't lose a fight. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. So yeah, but no, if you watch the movie,

be excited for that. At one hour, 29, 39, 39, get really, you know, make sure you're, you're paying attention. Hey, Jason, do you have a best worst for us? Thanks for asking, Noah. Best, worst crime plan in any crime movie I've ever. The crime plan in this movie is so fucking crazy.

Nonsense. And so simple and so stupid. And yet they feel the need to explain it to you like they're in the big short. Yes. They're Ocean's 11 this shit. It's crazy how nonsensical the crime plan is. It's so stupid. The only conclusion we can draw is that it,

worked on David A.R. White. And like, what's crazy about it is, like, the plan is dumb. The plan is also extremely simple, which is why it's dumb. And yet everyone involved seems to, like, still just act against the interest of the crime plan at every possible juncture. Well, and also have all these problems with ridiculously easy shit. Like, okay, well, explain to me point gun at person again. Hold on.

Let me practice point gun at person. Yeah. Here's economist John Maynard Keynes to describe how gun pointing works and the rest of this plot. It's very complicated. At some point it becomes the like icedy John Mullaney bit of like, so you're saying that fake money looks like the real money? Yeah. And I'm going to go with best worst side girl character.

So we'll get to it when we get to it. But here's basically what happened. What happens in the twin brothers movies is they fuck each other's girlfriends, right? a classic shenan from an identical twin movie, except one of them is supposed to be an Episcopalian priest.

So they introduce bad brother's girlfriend early in the movie, but then the Episcopalian priest runs into her and he's not gonna fuck her or have anything to do with her. So she just spends the rest of the movie

hanging out like your buddy's two young girlfriend at a brunch, just like... Yeah, that's weird. Did you... Do you guys on TikTok? No, fuck off, Sonny. Did you guys recognize her, by the way?

No, who is she? She's the girl who replaces the main girl on the Drew Carey show back in the 90s. I couldn't place her for a bit. Really? Really? Yeah. And so my question is, who do you think it was harder for her to fake sexual interest in? Oh, interesting.

Great question. The answer is David A.R. White. Yeah, I am. Obviously. All right. True Carrie's a good looking guy. He smells like tal. You know what?

I feel bad. I'm going to retract that bit about true. He's very drunk. Well, he's dead. So you don't have to worry about that. Is he? He is not. I don't know.

All right. Well, by the time this goes to air, who knows. You know, a lot of clothes growing out of guy. Maybe this is he last straw? Yeah. Yeah, he fucking sucks. I wish him well.

Oh, does he suck? Oh, he's a Republican. What? Yeah, he's fucking. Oh, he's terrible. He's one of like eight comedians who's ever been a Republican. Yeah. Oh, he's fucking awful.

Yeah. All right. Well, Eli needs a minute to recover. So we're going to take a quick break. We'll be bagging a minute with all the, take down on my posters. I was sure some more ideas would naturally arise from this premise that is Mercy Street. All right, everyone.

Welcome to the first ever. Riders Room Meeting from Mercy Streets. Woo! Now, as you know, I, David A.R. White, will be playing both the parts of Jeremy and Jeremiah in the film. It's going to be an acting challenge of a lifetime, let me tell you. You can do it, David. Oh, no, I know.

I can. Yeah. I've been training for months with my acting coach to make these two identical men as different as possible. Oh, like sinners. Oh, yeah. It hasn't been made yet. But yes, exactly, yeah.

Oh, right, right. So, David, can we see a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I figured Jeremiah would talk like this, you know? Like, it's just regular me. Sure, sure. Yeah. And then Jeremy is going to talk like this, hey!

Get out of here! Oh. Wow. Pretty great. Yeah, so who's your acting coach that you've been working with? The front of a pizza box. Yeah, that tracks. I hear he's good.

Hey, podcast listener. As a longtime friend of Jason here, you learn that he makes some interesting financial decisions. Yeah, yeah, interesting. Like the time Kara... Persuaded him to put his entire life savings into Bitcoin. Sort of. Or the time that he left my birthday dinner to give someone $10,000 cash for a financial opportunity. To be fair, that one actually worked out.

We all make financial mistakes. And that's why it's a great idea. to monitor your spending with Rocket Money. Ooh, you guys talking about SpaceX? Because I've actually been heavily considering going all in on the IPO. Nope, nope, not that. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

But have you actually tried it? I have. I signed up for Rocket Money when they became a sponsor. I love how they keep track of my finances, help me set budgets, and can even help me cancel unwanted subscriptions. That's why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorse Rocket Money. I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster.

Join at RocketMoney.com slash awful movies. That's rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. Rocketmoney.com slash awful movies. All right, guys, thanks. Also, one time you tried to start an acrobatic school. It was circus skills. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up with me yet again, getting pissed off by the redundancy of pinnacle peak

as the name of your production company. Yeah. So. It's a nice little greeting for us. Pinnacle Peak and Bridgestone films. I'm always like, all right. Here we go.

We're in for some Jesus. Yeah. Their logo is a Native American flute set to the backdrop of a Timu Paramount logo. Yes. That's it. Yep. Yep. So we see a quick like shot from later in the movie, right?

We're going to set the scene with David A.R. White taking a drink of water in a church and going, I'm not who you think I am. I murdered my brother. Right. So now we're to consider yourself teased. And then that kicks to this wildly inappropriate, like, pimp hit in the streets music.

This is the first time we saw his hair. And so all of our notes for the first three scenes of the movie are just hair. Hair. Yeah. I actually had a different first note because the pimp music kicked in, and I paused to write a joke about it, which triggered a Domino's Pizza ad on Tooby, which used almost the exact same music.

Okay. And so I didn't realize that I had triggered a commercial and I thought the next scene was just an interracial family ordering dominoes. Let's see where this goes, David, all right. Take me on your journey. Ready for that. So, yeah, so, yeah, the thing is, is that we see his hair, but then we see it again in a second.

So just as you start to recover from the hair that you see in the first scene, you see an even more ridiculous version of it in the opening, where he's getting out of prison. He could have had tiny dildos growing. out of the top of his head for this movie. And I would not have been more upset or distracted. Like prison riots would stop

so everyone could just beat him up for his hair. 100%. The Aryan Brotherhood would team, they'd be like, all right, we're stop, stop fighting MS-13. We're all in this. We're all getting together. We're beating that guy up. And then we're fighting. And then we'll get back to you.

You could have peace in the Middle East if we flew David A.R. White there. All the gangs keep arguing over which race has to take him in at the prison. The white supremacists are like, hey, I changed my mind, guys. I don't know. Looks pretty Mexican to me, guys. I saw this.

You guys should hang out with them. I saw this goth fucking Q2. One examined case disproves the rule, right? Francis Crick, I think we all agree. Let's get these. He's actually 164. Cherokee, I think he says out. So, yeah.

At least the flute did. But this fucking goth Q-tip gets out of prison and his sleazy buddy Eric Roberts is there to pick him up. Right. And it's interesting because we've sort of jumped around the career of Eric Roberts, which is kind of like getting to see out of order pictures of a chocolate Easter bunny that melted in the back of someone's car. Right. Because there was a time when there was young, handsome, got to fuck my sister, Eric Roberts. Interesting. And then there's modern Eric Roberts, the fully melted chocolate bunny. But he's dry and melted at the same time somehow. So what's crazy is I didn't realize I literally watched him in an episode of Burn Notice

because I'm rewatching it right now because obviously that's that time of year. Because that's a great show. Yeah, and it's great show. And he's in an episode and I watched that episode two days ago. And that episode only aired like a couple like, I don't know, five to seven years after this movie. And he looks like he aged a thousand lifetime. Yeah, he didn't click. In the interim.

When it happened to it, it happened to it. it happened to him fast. So he gets out and we have this scene where, like, David A. R. White, he's gotten out of prison. And he's like, hey, I want to go straight and do like normal business. And Eric Roberts is like, no, you got to go back to your life of crime, man. And he's like, oh, shucks. Back to my life of crime. Right.

This is also, this is the first time that we hear David A.R. White doing his gangster accent. Yeah, I was going to say, back to my life of crime. Hey. It's just all vowels. She's like, you, if you stood outside of the New York Knicks game trying to pick a fight, this is the voice you would use to do it. You'd be like, oh, what's going on, everybody? It's weird how much this movie like resembles a movie.

It's almost like in the uncanny valley of a film. Right. Yeah. And they use this opening scene with Eric Roberts where he's like meeting him after prison and they speed run every beat from nine different heist movies. Eric Roberts picks him up and he's like, welcome back from prison. I got a job for you.

It's today. I killed Harry. He's in the Trump. Half a million. We could face slam into the wheel. Let's get lunch. One last job. Like,

that's what's so amazing is that you did that list of cliches and left out one last job even. Yep. So bad. My theory is that David A.R. White, like Andrea went to bed early and David A.R. Wait stayed up late and watched.

reservoir dogs, even though they had had several meetings with their marriage counselor about him not watching art-rated movies without her anymore. And then she came down the next morning and he was like, I wrote him, heist is so good. Yeah. It's so, I can write a heist. Why do you have the VHS of face off and the parent trap out? What's going on this? I knew to cool down after the organ.

Why are those connected? It's like someone tried to explain the plot of Ocean's 11 to someone in the midst of a religious psychotic break. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Someone with Jerusalem syndrome is like shaking.

in a prison cell and someone from the IDF is just being like, okay, but then you see what happened. All right. So, but what we have to establish here is that Eric Roberts has borrowed $50,000 from the Russian mob to do this million dollar job, right? And so David is going to go get ready for this job. But first, he's going to do a seven-minute slow motion walking montage, right, with just occasional random freezes, one of which is just the size. of a bus that's crossing in front of him. So this was almost my best worst. The way

most of the scenes in this movie will end will be the way that the different phases of long form music videos in the 90s ended, right? So like the rapper would come out and he'd be like, the people, the spirit, the power, and then the frame would like slow down and freeze.

And then the singer would start. That's how this movie is shot. It's fucking insane. Yeah. It's Timu right down to the fact that it was directed by a John gun. Yes. Yeah, he could be famous. You don't know.

Maybe his brother. Yeah. And then this is the scene where he like rips off the guy who's selling pretzels or whatever with the dumbest make change for you scam imaginable. Yeah. Yeah. So what I love about this is for some reason, Hollywood found out about shortchanging in 1972.

And they have never depicted it correctly in cinema, right? because the way it is in every movie is, here's $10, can give me, give me 10 tens for it. And the guy's like, okay, I don't know how numbers works.

And that's what will happen in this movie. He's just like, yeah, give me 10. Now you 10. 10. 10. Oh, hold on a second. Yeah.

What? You're the owner now. It's okay. But eventually this ends. He arrives to scam these day traders. out of a million dollars. Now, they're there to buy $20 million of counterfeit money for $1 million of real money, which seems like a shit exchange rate to me, but I don't know. And this is how they do it. Like he's got the $50,000 that he borrowed from the Russian mom. And David A.R. White says,

this is real money. This is counterfeit money. You can't tell the difference. And the guy's like, wow, I'm entirely convinced now because how money this money looks, though you say it is counterfeit. And then they get confused by the idea of like, cops. have to say they're a cop with a prostitute. Yeah. And they just bumble this entire concept. It makes no sense. Yeah.

The line that they use is, oh, I get it. It's like with a hooker. I have to tell you exactly what I want. And I think David Airway confused the rules for hookers with the rules for genies. But yeah. So, and then he has this like, they tell him what he wants. And then he has this like, this gold bricker walks. moment where he's convinced that the Japanese

guy who has the translator actually speaks English. Oh, yeah. And I guess that's just so that we can have that guy singing take me out to the ball game and in broken English and that's supposed to be really funny. And that that proves he's not a cop because it wasn't good English.

Yeah, well he holds a knife to the guy's throat. Like, I had to make sure you weren't trying to set me up for counterfeiting by blatantly committing attempted murder against you instead. Yeah. He holds a knife to his throat and then he sings the and then he goes, tell him we're cool,

tell him we're cool. And I wrote in my notes, this is when Jason introduces me to a famous person. This is how I behave. I feel like we could go undercover and actually Jason, you know David A.R. White.

Best friends. Could we not go undercover and trick him into almost anything because he understands how nothing works? Yeah, it's just got to use genie rules. Yeah,

I was going to say, there you go. We could get three wishes from him. He used fucking genie rules. Yeah. So, okay. So now after the job, Davey Coleman.

as Eric Roberts. And he's like, you know, I got a bad feeling about this job. So he's waiting for Eric Roberts to pick him up. He's holding this big envelope

full of money for this $50,000. He's like, you know what? I could just leave with this money. So he tries to do that, right? Yeah. Here's John Maynard Keynes

describing how leaving with money means you have the money. Yeah, right. So he runs off and he's going to like steal a car to get away. And while he's there, randomly this woman arrives

and she's like, I'm going to be your love interest. He's like, why would you be my love interest? And he's like, because we know each other. You know my name and everything. Fuck each other's girlfriends. That's what happens in the mistake. Yeah, she materializes truly out of fucking nowhere and behaves like the worst written NPC

in any video game you've ever played. Hey, Johnny, when did you get out of prison? I know we haven't spoken in months and you have zero context. But anyway, you go into that party tonight? Yeah, like it's fucking psychotic. It's so dumb. I think she fucked someone on the crew, not high up. Someone on the crew and they were like,

I'll get you a part in the movie, baby. And then they didn't communicate again. And that guy was like, great, I got laid for free. But then she showed up day of in her fur coat. And he was like, do I have a part for you? I absolutely have a part for you. You are. So, and then, of course, she checks his giant envelope.

He's going to steal a car. She gets in the car and checks the, what's in this big envelope. And it's, of course, $50,000. But just then, before you can drive off, Eric Roberts pulls up with his henchman and catches him in the act. Yeah. So I want to explain something.

So the character, TJ, is a real enigma wrapped in a mystery. Sure. This gentleman, and look, I'm not here to tell anybody how to represent their identity in cinema or to their friends and family. Yes, you are, but go ahead.

Okay, thank you. T.J. looks white. And so the movie has to be like, he's Mexican. Every like four and a half seconds, the movie will go, this line makes sense because he is of Hispanic origins. Again, it's not just the Hispanic references, which they will also make. They will also have another character turn to him and go, because you're Hispanic.

Yeah, right. Yeah, it's very confusing. He keeps referring to the Davey character as like white boy, and I'm like, in solidarity? Is this a Chet Hank situation? Okay. So there's two things about this exchange that just fucking killed me. The first is that when they get out of the cars, Eric Roberts, he puts on his big slapping gloves, right? And they're way too fucking big. And so everything he's going to do in this scene now, he's going to do with these giant toilet cleaning gloves on, right? Okay. But we do get to watch him slap David A.R. White a bunch. And I don't mean like just in this scene. Every cast member takes every opportunity they can. to slap and punch David R. White. I think everyone in the movie slaps David A.R. White at least once. This movie is filled with David A.R. White's psychosexual fantasy.

Just to be very clear. Like, start to fit. Same for me. It's David A.R. White getting scared. Yeah, right, right. So, but the other thing, too, that I love is that when he's got these huge gloves on, he has this giant pile of $50,000 that he's trying to put into a small pocket now with the envelope, which takes like, it takes so long that they just cut away.

And they're like, you get it. He split it away. It went into his pocket. Relax. Sometimes you have to do that thing where you use your feet. You know, like a plastic bag. Sometimes it's still connected a little bit. So,

get scissors. But then, of course, this means now that Eric Roberts owns him and he'll work for him forever and blah, blah, blah. But David Hare White has a plan. He goes, all right, but I have one more thing I want to tell you, but you have to lean really close to me for it to work. Put on these. ice skates and we're going to go to a rink and I'm going to hip check you. Yeah, right.

Yeah, and his whole plan is shove him and run, right? Which, which works. Yeah. I wanted it not to work, right? I wanted to be like, and then Eric doesn't move and he's like, right, sorry. Oh, you're right. You knew that was coming. Where are we going?

Why would you not know that was coming? But yeah, so he starts running away, but he's still got the $50,000, right, which he decides to hold in his hand like a football, right? Like a big pile of loose noodles. And look, we're not going to go through it because you should watch this movie along with us. One, because it's free on Tobe, but two, I want David to make a second one of these so badly. But the running montage, it's very clear David A.R. White, the actor, did not hold on to this stack of fake money for more than two and a half seconds at a time. Yeah, nor was he able to run for more than two and a half.

Yeah. Also, with the haircut, he looks like a Cocker Spaniel covered in oil. Yes. Yeah His hair is just like Have you ever seen a Cocker A king like a King Charles Cocker Spaniel run Like the hair The bangs are just flopping gloriously

You know how you're like not supposed to bathe a cat Like a commercial for dish soap When they're cleaning up Exxon Valdez Yeah, right Uh huh We need someone with Dawn soap to come and like Gently rub his forehead Exactly

But every shot of this running montage Is like two seconds of him being like Oh and very clearly about to drop all of this money He's in a constant state. There's also a great moment where he's running down the street and they try to do the thing where like he throws somebody, you know, like out of the way who's like in his way. But the guy he throws is nowhere near him. So David A.R. White's just running and then just grabs a guy three feet away from him. And just randomly shows him.

But of course, eventually he drops the $50,000. And it like, Rube Goldbergs its way into the sewer. So nobody can go after it, right? Stacks. Stacks. of loose bills all skitter. I wanted Pennywise to pop up in a fur coat later. Hey, man, do I owe anybody? Is there juice on this?

Can you give me 10 tens for one of them? So, but eventually he gets a car and now it turns into one of those. We can't really afford to do a car chase car chases. It ends with him like just cleverly getting off of the interstate and then they don't. Ah, yes. Getting off at the exit when the other person does. doesn't, the classic car chase maneuver. Yeah. So now we're going to cut to a Catholic church where that David A.R. White's twin brother,

good David A.R. White is practicing his first sermon with an ever so slightly less silly haircut. Oh, see, I was going to say, luckily he has the same corgi that got caught in the middle of an oiled-up orgy look. He's missing a little bit of the bangs there. It's still ridiculous, but not quite as ridiculous. Yeah. But we meet here his girlfriend and his best buddy, the cop, who are like listening to his sermon to give him some kind of like feedback on it. And they're falling asleep like Donald Trump at the Knicks game. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. What amazes me is that they have, because we've seen this in movies before where like somebody has to be doing a sermon and it's supposed to be boring, but all sermons are boring.

So they can't do anything that distinguishes the boring sermon in the movie, except for how people fall asleep in the audience. Right. Also, if their thing mattered, it wouldn't be boring because he's talking about the genealogy of Christ's savior of the world. And we're supposed to be like, but we all know this is bullshit. Right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But yeah, so what we learned here that the cop is his roommate, right? That's going to be very important. And then we follow him and his girlfriend back to his place where she's trying to sell him on this college she wants to teach at in Chicago. Right. And she's like, guys, it won't fuck up. up my podcast record schedule at all. Trust me.

Okay. This is pretty funny. Her name's Sam, right? Samantha. Yeah. And she's like, okay, this is my dream. I've got this job. I'm going to be an art professor in Chicago.

So maybe we can move to Chicago. He responds by saying, marry me and don't do that. Yeah. Or, or. And she just walks out. Hear me out. Yeah.

So, yeah, he proposes. She stomps out. And then he's like, like, well, you said, you wanted to marry me and now you're being all like shitty about it. Yeah. And then he's so mad at her that she didn't say yes to the proposal that he goes on a huff run. Yes. Yeah.

She actually says, this is the worst thing you've ever done. Yeah. That's her first words after walking out. I think she was referring to the movie, but I do understand that it was real. She was actually saying it to herself. Yeah, right. Yeah. In the mirror.

Andrea Logan gets it. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. So, and then she's like, you know, I would have. terrible time and a terrible proposal. And he's like, so is that yes or no? I'm like, dude, come on. It's obviously not yes. She's like, well, I don't want to answer. And he's like,

okay, well, then I'm going on a jog. It's jog o'clock. You don't get to interrupt jog or clock unless you said yes to marrying me. So, but then, so. Sorry, did you say yes when I was walking out? No, okay. Still running. Checking in the door. Pop my head back in? So while he's out on his jog, bad Davey comes pulling into town

and his beat up car from the car chase, right? So he parks it somewhere in the neighborhood near Jeremiah's house. He knows not to like, you know, tip his hand too much. And then we cut to Eric Roberts and his henchy driving around looking for him, right? So we know that he's hot on their tail. And so, of course, this is where we get the swap, right? Davy finds Jeremiah's house just as Eric Roberts finds his twin brother out jogging. Hell yeah. Yep. So they grab him and drive away. Yeah, it's face off time. Yeah, exactly. I just wrote Ruh. Well, and then Bad Davey is just like free house for me.

Problem solved. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. I guess I'm in a twin switch thingy. Yeah. Cool. So he goes inside and he checks out photos of his brother's thruple, right? Because like every photo is a picture of him, Sam, and the cop. Oh yeah. The relationship

between Sam and the cop friend neighbor, best friend roommate is fucking crazy. They set it up like those two are fucking because they're sitting together in the church during Davey sermon and she's like leaning on him and they're laughing and yawning together. And then, like, at some point, you're like, oh, she's the girlfriend because you forget that there's nothing David A.R. White loves more than bangs and black best friend characters. Right. Yeah, exactly.

So he's looking through, and now he's like bad Davey's looking through good Davies house and he's like looking for money. And he doesn't have any money in his checking account. But he does have some pretty good looking candlesticks. He does. Yeah, I wanted fucking Javert to pop up out of the same. Two, four, six. Not that one. Oh, that's definitely what he was doing.

Yeah. I didn't even think about that. That's definitely probably what he had in his fucking head. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. He also has diving trophies very prominently displayed in his house. And we get to see a checkbook for a second, which was just a fun, nostalgic thing, like a paper.

Right? Checkbook. Younger listeners, a checkbook was when we used to make it financial punishment for being bad at math. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. What we still do. I wrote down. Am I allowed to say, I wrote down the routing number and the account number on?

I promise you, from the very center of my heart tussie, that is a real check and routing number from someone really on that sense. At Wells Fargo, yeah. Yeah, there you go. 100%. So, yeah, but so at this point,

maybe the cop roommate shows up as he's rooting through the house, right? But the cop roommate earlier, we saw him like give Davey his keys, so now he doesn't have his keys and David Arroyd has to let him in, but bad Davey doesn't know he's the roommate. He just knows there's a cop outside

knocking on the door. door. So he leaps out the window. Yeah. Like through the glass. Mm-hmm. Feel like there was an easier way to get out. Yeah. Like the door that we can see in the frame of the shot directly next to him. Also, you know what alerts a cop to your suspicious presence? Smashing glass inside the house there standing by.

That he lives in. Yeah, right, right. And, hey, you know, like, while we're at it, you also just saw a whole bunch of pictures of him in this house. So, all right. But now, like, he does the, like, stupidest possible. Oh, you know, I got scared. So I leapt through the glass like to do. Okay.

I want to talk about the nature of fooling Tex in this movie. Right? So Tex is the cop. Yeah. Who is the black guy who is the roommate, right? And in order for this movie to work because it's nonsensical, David will give the dumbest explanations for everything. And Tex will go,

O-Tay every time So for instance In this opening scene He's like Hey why did you jump out The window of your own house When you heard me

Your best friend knock at the door And he's like I didn't know who you were And he's like I have no follow-up questions Excellent Have you seen my keys I'm gonna head in

Have a little shiny Yeah Yeah no And so they go back inside And now like Fucking bad David Is trying to suss out The living situation

He's like It's me Jeremiah I wear hats now. Yeah. And everybody's just like, all right. Sure.

So, and then the cop guy leaves. He's got to go for another shift. But Sam, the girlfriend, shows up, right? And we have this whole moment where she's like, you know, I want to talk about

what we just talked about. And he's like, uh, and he has to say like generic words. Yeah, I wrote in my notes at this point. I imagine this is how he feels in all relationship conversations.

And how do you feel about what happens? Right. You do? Do you want to have sex? now instead of this. No, okay, I'm getting a no. Okay, I'm getting a no. All right, then.

Strong now. But yeah, no, he just works his magic with the ladies. We get to see what David A.R. White thinks being charming looks like, I guess. Yeah, and nobody questions that, like, David now has a different accent. No. David A.R. And also, why would twin brothers have different accents? They grew up together.

Like, I get that they went on, like, different life vass, but, like, in the canon, they grew up together. Why do they sound fucking... If you live in Brooklyn for like two years, you become Carlton. You become an extra law and order. You become a cart vendor in a law and order episode. Yeah. Give me one second. I got to give this guy 10 ones for 10 days.

Yeah, right, right. All right. Well, it looks like bad Davies planning to rape Sam at the moment, which this movie's never going to fucking deal with. But we need a minute to do so ourselves. But we're back in a flash with even more of Mercy Streets. Not rape Sam's. We're not raping.

No, no, we're preparing. Dealing with that. We're going to deal with the emotional. You got a patient sentence structure. He said it correctly. Yeah. Release me, you bastards. Now, now, Mr. Franks, no need to be unpleasant.

I'm just cooking us at dinner here. Yeah, just a fine meal for us. You see, Mr. Franks, a gang is like a rue. You need to add milk to the flour slowly so things don't clump. So, uh, now? Yeah, now, Mugsy. Look, I don't know where Maloney. Sorry, sorry, one second.

Mugsy, way too fast. You're gonna add it slow. I asked now and you said now. Yeah, but I also said you need to add the milk slowly. That was my whole metaphor. Yeah, that's gonna break. Yeah, give me the whisk. Give me the whisk.

So you see, Mr. Franks. Do you want me to add more flour? No, I'm trying to keep it from breaking right now. Guys, it's really clumpy. Damn it, Mugsy, you have ruined this room. Okay, why do we always have to be doing cooking stuff? Just say, like, be it. in the gang. Tell him to be in the gang. Fuck. Just let's go. All right. Hot take, we could order

pizza. Yeah, I think that's probably best. We can get some acting coaching. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hi, I'm Moishi. And having been Eli's friend for more than a decade, I can say that he's one of the major contributors to my need for therapy. It's true, Moishi. Being connected to Eli financially or emotionally can take a toll on your mental health. That's why there's BetterHelp. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally. Plus, BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And our 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate

means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash awful. That's betterhelp.com slash awful. Better help because a significant amount of people know Eli. Too many. Yeah.

And we're back for more of this shit and we're going to open up checking in on Good Davy, who's in a warehouse now getting this shit beat out of him by Eric Roberts. Okay. So here's the amazing thing about this movie. For those of you who are aware of the twin brothers. identical looking people trope. The way that those movies have to work is that when the first person says,

I am not my brother, the people around them don't believe me. But David A.R. White, you think it's outside the box. So we don't even see the moment where he's not his brother. They have just already had that conversation. He's like, okay, well, do you know where your brother is? Yeah, he's like, oh, well, yeah, you know,

you don't have the same tattoos as he has. It's actually very obvious when two people are different human beings. Yeah. he's like so it's not you but I need to know where your brother is right so we get back to bad davy he finally gets rid of sam right he's going to leave he's got the fucking candlesticks so he's finally going to get out of there but damn it if tj the henchman isn't there now yeah right he gets the drop on davy's got the gun luckily though davy does an amazing super gun spin disarm i want to do the gun grabby thing i like that he does the gun grab and then he tosses and then he juggles the gun. He just like he steals it, throws in the air like a baton.

Little flare. Catches it. And he has a great line. He goes, see, that's your problem, TJ. You think we're in competition. I just think you're an idiot. Which coincidentally is exactly what David A.R. White said to me again when I told him my mom's show. So yeah,

he convinces the Hengen to go back and tell Eric Roberts that Bad Davy skipped town and he got away. Yeah, right? And in order to make that make sense, we have to invent the fact that Bad Davy has dirt on T.J. the henchman that he ripped off Eric Roberts to buy his truck. The webs at this point of the various characters.

No one makes any sense in their relationship to anyone. No, no, it's just whatever they need in that moment. Yeah. But then Eric's job, Eric's goal at this point, is to talk good Davey into doing the job that bad Davey was going to do. Right. Now, keep in mind, there's no reason why it has to be Davey, good or bad. Yeah.

Right? They could show up for the con and be like, where's the other guy? Oh, he has the runs. Sure, we're buying counterfeit money. I don't give a fuck who I'm buying it from. Or there's no other guy. Or we don't have to do any of this con. We're just doing one thing.

None of this matters. Yeah. Or we, yeah, none of it fucking. No, no, yeah. We'll get to how little it matters in a minute when they decide to go all the oceans 11 on us or whatever. It's like nine different movies. Yes. And they're all bad.

But also it's none. It's also none. It's negative movies somehow. Yeah. Okay. So now it's the next morning. Tex wakes bad Davey. Bad Davy has slept in.

But damn it, it's Sunday. And he's a preacher. he's got to get up and go out and do his fucking sermon. This is, of course, the first time that, well, I guess we saw him earlier. Heath Adam in his notes earlier, this is the first time that I noticed Pastor Lawrence Taylor. Yeah, they got Lawrence Taylor, the NFL football player to be another pastor. Yeah. I guess they didn't know this yet, maybe, but they got a sex criminal to be the pastor.

Yeah, well, in general, the only roles for people of color in a David. are white film are cops, robbers, or priests. That's like a pretty consistent, like, you can pretty much bet your money on that. And he's, to be fair to the casting department of this movie, when you hire a member of the NFL, you're flipping a coin that you're getting a sex criminal. There's not a lot of robust understanding of consent. And hey, you know, when you're trying to cast for a priest, nailed it. So, yeah, so, but so he goes up to give his, he's supposed to be given a sermon.

on the genealogy of Jesus, but he tears up his note cards and he's going to do a sermon about how everybody should give him money. Okay, so, yeah, the idea is he has to, like, fake a sermon on the spot about the genealogy of Christ. And I wanted him to go up there and be like,

so there's God in Mary, she was like 12. LT gets it. And Jesus, the end. There we go. L.T. gets it. Yeah, so he's supposed to, But it's Episcopalian church, and he keeps calling for amends,

but they don't do amens at Episcopalian churches, I guess, or whatever. But then he fucking preaches the shit out of that preach, and they give him a bunch of money. You know what? Fuck it. That seems kind of fun. Okay. The I volunteer as treasurer's thing got a genuine laugh at out of me,

and I was like, God damn it, David, you got me again. You got me what? This may be the high point of his career, this film, and as bad as it is. It's a scene actually directly out of a Steve Martin film called Leap of Faith. Okay. So, like, it is a complete rip-off, but it's the last fun scene in this movie. So get in, folks.

He's getting a bunch of bullshit money. He's, like, embezzling money by setting up this thing and getting donations from people for him to just take. And he accidentally does, like, a really good prosperity gospel sermon. Like, that's what happens here. Right. Yeah. When you're just trying to rip people off, it turns out that what you do is a sermon. Yeah.

Okay, so then we go back to Good Davey at the warehouse And now Eric Roberts has to teach him to be a criminal And I guess you got to, it's like leveling up a video game character, right? You got to go through all the tutorials. Again, he saw Reservoir dogs and they were like, it's the scene where he tells him, teaches him how to tell the lie about the guy shitting himself. Oh, you're right. So he has to teach him this tens for 10, 10 ones.

And again, Eric Roberts explains it wrong. He's like, then you give me and then I give you and now I have you. And he's like, I understand. How is this relevant to the movie? And he's like, you think that's not relevant to the movie. Look, that lady from earlier is here. And he's like, my girlfriend? Sonny's here.

No, no, no. Your brother's girlfriend. And they're like, why would she be here? We all drove to this town. Did you drive back to wherever you were and get her as leverage on me? There's also this great moment where he's like, he's making dinner. But he's like, he's like, got to intimidate him with his, like, chopping acumen or whatever.

He's like going through the whole thing. He's like, you know, chop and cellar. And then he gets the meat tenderizer out, you know, and gets threateningly tenderizes his meat. He also has an apron with his own name on it. Yes. I didn't notice that at first. But he's just got a big apron that just says,

Rome, baby. Yeah. Do you think TJ got him that for Christmas? I really want to believe it. That makes sense. I think TJ was like, him, man, you know, you're always doing like, threatening cooking montages

and it's really up to your dry cleaning bill. I do like to do that. Did you get this for me? Yeah. Does it say wrong on it? I know we said no presents. I know we said no presence. I know we said no presence, but.

I also, I don't like that ER was really good at knife work. Like he actually. Well, somebody was really not him. Yeah, no, as you say, the stunt arm was definitely, I do not believe Eric Roberts is capable of holding a knife. I don't think that, like, I don't think that. Like for insurance purposes, they were allowed to give him a real knife, right? No fucking shot.

They gave him the child steering wheel. Angelina dropped by set and she was like, hey, you're not going to let him hold anything sharp, right? Yeah. All right. I'll see you. I fuck that guy. Wrong. So, okay.

So we go back to Good Davies place where bad Davy is there counting the church money. Apparently L.T. let him keep all of that, right? Because it was his sermon then got it. So that's his money now. Yeah. No. The pastor that gives the sermon gets to count it. and dole it out apparently.

Yeah, and keep it in this closet. Yeah, but they do, though. No, they do. That is how it works. Are we sure we don't want to switch side guys? Sorry, Jason, we'll be right with you. Heath, real quick. Yeah, quick.

Somebody vote. Two to one. Two to one. Bad guys, all right. Don't make me get Lucinda. She'll be mad. Damn, my. Why do we give her of a...

Jason's here this week. Can he have another little person vote? Like, they cancel each other out? What are we talking about? Nothing. We're not. Making more money. I said, wait right there, dog.

What are you guys talking about? We're doing a heel turn for money. Just fucking sidebar. Okay. Yes, I'm in. We get paid. We get paid on this. You don't, but like, just say us.

Okay. So now there's a moment here to where now Texan bad David A.R. White have to talk about the merits of prison as punishment. Oh, this is fucking crazy. Where David A.R. White writes for the African American character to say, go into jail. the best thing that ever happened to me. It really turned my life around. Yeah. And look, I know that Texas is supposed to make a twist at the end where he, where some character who

deserves to go to prison, won't go to prison. But it does mean that there's a full scene where he's just like, look, some people have prison written right across their black, black faces. And cut. So meanwhile, good Davey is, is having dinner with the bad guys, right? They're having that meal that Eric Roberts threateningly made at them. And he's doing more knife work and they're watching Emeril on their weird TV in this. Yeah.

So I think Eric Roberts was just doing weird cooking in a warehouse in real life and they were like, we can film this or the movie around this. We'll put a minute, right? All right. Hey guys, I'm really excited to be a movie, but I've been really in the cooking lately. So here's what I want to do.

I want to cook. Now, this is where we get it. the movie. What I consider it to be... Are you doing Brando? Yep. The high point of the film, right? This is where we get the Ocean's 11. They're going to explain the million dollar scam to him now. It's actually not even

Ocean's 11. It's the big short, because in Ocean's 11, they just explain it with a voiceover. He breaks the fourth wall and look right fucking at you. Like the idiot they assume you are as the viewer. Yes. And break it fucking down. Of a David A.R. White movie, yes. Just Eric Robertson

a tub with Margot Robbie, champagne staring at you, explaining a $10 bill with a scam choice. One thing, can I just point out one thing that's gotten lost in this discussion, which is that the rubs, the marks of the scam are day traders. They establish that early on who are in desperate need of fake money. Why would a day trader? Yeah, does David A.R. White think that like, what does he think day traders do?

Do they need 20 million in cash? They run onto the floor of the stock exchange with cash in hand and they just buy stocks. They're just exchanging stacks of cash at the New York Stock Exchange. Does anyone have one of those little markers? No? Okay, great. I would like to buy some stock in a big chunk. Guys, we just lost $2 billion on Bitcoin.

We're going to need some fake cash. Fake cash. Amazing. Oh, no. Our IPO went Billy up. Gonna need some fake Benji. Yes, fake cash will do the trick. Yeah.

I also wrote this movie feels like it was edited in Microsoft Paint. Yeah. Like the fucking freeze frames are psyched. Spider-Man moviemaker. Right. Yes, Spider-Man movie maker. But he explains the, so here's the scam, though. So they've got fake money and they're going to put real bills on the top of all these piles to make it look like real money.

And then they're going to pretend to get arrested. Well, the guys are there before they can count their money and then they'll run away so they don't get arrested. Right. There's also a betrayal there where one of them pretends to shoot the other. I was going to say, Noah, you accidentally simplify. It was so stupid. That's the thing. Your narrator job took over and you were like,

Must say logical thing. It's so dumb. Yeah, they fake an internal fight to try to, they think it's like, oh, that's a diversion. It's nothing. It would be nothing. Because then they have. If I was at a bagel shop and one bagel employee shot the other bagel employee,

I'd be like, cool, everything, cream cheese, capers, tomatoes. There's nothing. Yeah. And then the point is they have a fake cup showing up. They're going to have T. dressed up as a cop and shop. So like, none of this matters.

If you have a fake cop, that's the whole thing. Yeah, the scam is just the fake cop. That's a common, that's a common scam. Then you have the money. It's like there were two competing scams

that they compromised on to get to this one. Yeah. Oh, no, we're going to do your plan too, totally with the fight where we get it. With the fight?

Okay, because I bought all these blanks. Yeah, exactly. Or Eric, Robert, Robert, just want to wear the squibs. Yeah, he was excited. He said, oh. Yeah. You shoot yourself.

in the chest, squibs go off, and then we take the money because the cop shows up to arrest the people who are unrelated to that situation. All right, but they give us a ton of detail on that because they do not trust their audience at all, right? And then Bad Davy is now he's got like a bunch of kids. He's going to send out to like help him raise money for his fake charity. And this was the other scene that was cute, you know, hit with all these little kids trying to like make him get frowny faces. Yeah, I wrote that too. It's a good scene. Yeah, no, this was a good scene.

It's a cute little scene. I'll give him that. You know, that scene work. This scene was for the preview, right? It's another moment of Uncanny Valley where I'm like, is this a movie? And then it immediately reminds me, it's not. Right, yeah. Because then we have to go back to Eric teaching good Davey the crime ropes some more.

Yeah. Right? This is where he's got to learn how to aim a gun at a person. But like, but fake. You don't even have to learn any aim. It's just the. the pointing physically of a prop gun. And you're not even going to be pointing it at the mark.

You're going to be pointing it at the guy you're pretending to shoot who's in on it. The supposition here is that the marks would watch this and go, wait a second, that guy drew that gun way too slow for this to be a legitimate portrayal. I'm actually going to stick around and hear what the cops have to say about this murder witness. He's pointing the gun at himself now. That doesn't make any sense. It's like, you know, check out who you're supposed to point at.

Hold on. But in the middle of this, Of course, Eric Roberts decides to have like a lean-in-close moral qualms conversation with the priest where he has to confront the evil of what he's doing. And think about how fucking shitty your belief system has to be that a drunk vamping Eric Roberts defeats it in three slurred out sentences. What's also crazy is that this is one of the first moments where all the characters start trying to do everything they can to make this plan go. wrong because the entire time they're practicing Eric Roberts is like, I need you to be cool, calm and collected tomorrow. Okay. Also, let's take five so I can emotionally destroy you and shadow of faith. Okay, back to one. Right. Well, that would be the fucking point of this. Yeah.

He spent the whole time trying to get him to like relax and like be cool and calm under pressure mom and like just focus on the job. And he's like, let's take five to devastate you. Yeah, this is, well, Jason, you should understand that. You've rehearsed with me before. I like that the movie beats itself in an argument here about God's plan too. So Eric Roberts is like, well, you're a priest or whatever. You can just assume God's plan's going to work out, right? And you know,

you can do this or not do that, whatever you want. And Jeremiah, the priest guy's like, don't, don't do that. You fuck that up. You fucking, come on. Have a good answer for that. Yeah. And I can't pull a gun out fast enough. I don't understand.

I couldn't do it in a normal conversation, not alone a steak was over tenderized. And the mistake, you're not supposed. You weren't even making like a piccata or anything. It didn't make any sense. There was no veggies. Why is Sunny here?

It's just me. I don't know her. I don't know her at all. Also, Sunny fluctuates. That's someone else's girlfriend. Sunny fluctuates constantly between an accomplice and a hostage. There are some scenes where she's like handcuffed to like the radiator and other scenes where he like gives her a steak knife and she's just fucking eating.

She's just hanging out. Yeah, she goes in and out of Stockholm. So they like, you know, treat her differently at the different times. So, okay. So then we cut to Bad Davey. He's on the phone. He's raised like $11,000 with his fake priest charity, right? And now he wants to invest that in Florida and skip town, right?

Little does he know that preachers don't even have to do the investing part. They can just fucking keep doing that. The real estate subplot is also crazy because he just calls a random guy. He's never met and he's like, hey, that land deal's still good? Great. I'm in. Yeah. Right. They treat it like it's a crime thing, but it's just like, I'd like to buy the real estate. Yes. Land deals, hookers, and stock exchanges. Three things, David A.R. White does not know the rules of.

I carry the real estate onto the floor of the stock exchange, right? And then I sell it for fake cash. And that's where the hookers ask you to tell them exactly what they want. Don't worry. If this goes wrong, you could just take more free cars and tell them there for kids. Yeah, there you go. Oh, God. So yeah, so then Sam shows up ready for their big date. That's our people, Jason. We do that.

He takes her to a skate and rink because, you know, it's a wholesome movie. And we watch Davey try to be charming more, which is sad. This was great. I love roller rink. So I was like, fuck, yes. This is awesome. I think I've actually been to this roller rink in real life. I like how they're trying to decide what date to get.

Like he lets her decide the date. And she's like, okay. And he's like, should I put on a suit? And she's like, yes. And then takes him to a roller rink. That's pretty sweet. That's pretty sweet. I like that. If someone told me to put on a suit for a roller rink, I choked them to death with the shoe.

Yes, as well you should. If someone took me to a roller rink as an adult, I'd be like, oh, okay, sorry. I didn't realize we were meeting your friends who were all in the second grade for one of their birthday parties here. I need a date of fellow adults. Enjoy your ice skating, but worse. You're bad-smelling. This is why me, Noah, and Cecil don't invite you to stuff anymore. whatever.

So yeah. Seaseless AIDS. But he realizes... Got it for a blood transfusion. Everybody knows. That's why he's lost all that weight. Jesus Christ. He's not telling a lot of people.

All right, moving on. Eli's lashing out. Yeah. So, but... I'm sorry. It's just when I feel left out. I say that people have AIDS when they don't have AIDS. And it's got me in trouble before.

And I've said that I'm going to work on it. It's going to get in trouble. Tourette's is a real condition, guys. All right. You. A Tourette's? Tarrates. Yeah, there you go.

It's definitely turrets. And then we have to cut to like kind of the same scene with good Davey and sunny having a moment. It's though they sit there and she's like, I'm just to have a hint that like maybe your brother's fucking your girlfriend. Do you want to tell me your backstory? And he's like, well, now that you mention it. And now they're both back in handcuffs on the radiator, by the way. despite having been like just a part of family dinner night like eight seconds ago. Armed, yeah.

So, but this is where we learned the backstory, right? That good Davey and bad Davey grew up together in like an orphanage or whatever. And when they were 14 years old, bad Davy got beat up by some bullies that threw him off a bridge into the ice and killed him. Or so that everybody thought. And bad Davey didn't help him. He just hid. Good Davey didn't help him. Thank you.

which means the whole like, you abandoned me backstory that they've been hinting at throughout the entire movie is meaningless. Not a single person in the movie goes, oh, well,

you were a child and you were under no obligation to save your brother's life when other people murdered him. Right. You go out into the ice on your own, which would have been a terrible idea to do. Also,

they clearly ran out of budget for production by the time they wanted to shoot the flashbacks. So the flashbat sequence is to a still frame JPE of a bridge. Of a bridge. Yeah, it's just a picture of a fucking bridge. Amazing.

And it does the thing History Channel does in their documentaries to create dynamic movement when they're too cheap to like Ken Burns effect. Right. It's just the camera jumping around different spots on a JPEC. Yes, exactly. Also, there's one more really important piece of this character's backstory, Noah, that you're forgetting, which is that we find out that bad Davey always wanted to be what, Eli?

A magician. Oh, that's right. This is actually great storytelling because this was, foreshadowed by his haircut. That's true. It's all coming together. It's all making sense. He looks like he has a Vegas residency at the worst possible hotel.

Yeah. No, there's also this great moment where after he tells this whole story about, you know, I was 14 and I was terrified and I watched these, like this gang of kids like beat my brother up and throw him over the bridge. And Sonny goes,

well, why didn't you help him? I'm like, God, Jesus, Sunny. Not the time. What the fuck lady? Chicken. Sorry, what? No, I said chicken. All right, well, clearly we all need a minute to process this movie's emotional half.

So we're going to take another break here, but first, let me give Act 3 the Hard Cell. Which David A.R. White is that? Is that the good one, or did the bad one just put on the same shirt as the good one? If it's the good one, why would he be driving the bad one's car? Get ready for an endless series of questions just like that. When we dive into the two contrived to still add up to so little conclusion, of Mercy Streets. Sushi?

Only if they have gluten-free soy sauce. Hey, hey, fellas, what's going on? Hey, Noah, we're trying to find a place for lunch, but Moishi is not easy to feed. I have celiac. I don't believe you. No, I genuinely do. Oh. Well, Jason, if you're looking for a way to get a delicious meal without the hassle,

you should try Factor. What? Factor. Factor has meals built around your goals, whether that's weight loss, overall nutrition, more protein, or GLP1 support. And for strength and workout recovery, check out Factor's Muscle Pro Collection. Okay, but do you like taste good? They sure do.

Every meal is crafted with delicious ingredients you'll love, lean proteins, colorful veggies, and healthy fats. But have you actually tried it? As recently as today. Factor sent us a box to try when they became a sponsor, and I've been a paying customer ever since. I love how I can get a great nutritious meal fast. That's why I know illusions personally endorse Factor.

All right, fellas. I'm sold. I sign up. Head to factormeals.com slash awful 50 off and use the code awful 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscriptions only while supplies last until 927, 2026. See website for more details. All right guys, thanks.

Oh, how about some ice cream? Maybe. Will they change their gloves? No, no, but they'll tell you they did. I'm in. Starwife. Mr. Takashi here is a fan of your work. Indeed, here.

Check out the money. Yeah, can I check that one? Hmm? I want to check one of the piles of money that you didn't hand me. Why? Because you handed me this one. I am betraying you now. Way too loud, man.

I'm betraying you now. No, don't redeliver. I mean, whoa, a betrayal. Okay. Aren't you going to run away? He has a gun. I have a gun. This really seems like a you thing, honestly.

Oh my God. He shot me. You should run away. Yes, really not my issue. Police. Everybody frees or run away. Oh, the cops got here instantaneously. I was here attending my daughter's ballet recital at the end of my shift.

Okay. Okay, you guys are very clearly just trying to scam me. I told you the backstory was too much. You're supposed to be dead. I am betraying you now. Stop doing takes. I thought the last one's pretty good. And we're back for still more of this shit.

We're going to rejoin the action on Bad Davy starting to enjoy the good life, right? He's got his little robe and he walks out to get his little paper. He's like, yeah, I could get used to this, right? Meanwhile, T.J. the henchman is driving good Davey to the bank because he's got to get $50,000 for them to run their scam, right? because they lost the original 50 grand. And they have to have a little theological conversation where he's like, hey, would you be willing to baptize my niece? And he's like, yeah, man, I guess.

It's like when we and Jason are in normal situations, someone asks us to do a magic trick. And it's like, well, yeah, we should do a magic trick because we signed up for that job. But also, it's an orgy. Also, TJ's only job in this scene is to get good Davey to, like, the job and to keep him calm and like focused in the car

and get him to do the job. And instead he's like, you know, your brother's probably fucking your girlfriend right now. Do you think he fucks her like you or different from you? How hard do you think he's fucking right now? And nobody wants this job to go well. Not one person is helping Good Davey do this job. The team is not focused.

And then Good Davey bolts out of the car while he's like, well, well, TJ's like, I fucking someone on the street. And DJ's like, I don't know what got into him. Yeah, right, right. Well, and also, like, he turns to look at this girl and then he turns back and good Davy has bolted. But then he, like, looks out of his car and he's disappeared and I'm like, well, where the fuck did he go? What the fuck are we supposed to believe?

He's a ninja now? This is also the moment I realized that it's not face off anymore. Because they do the scene with, like, bad Davies now wearing the robe and enjoying the good life and good Davies all, you know, fucked up and shit and, like, you know, on the street. now and I realized that they're doing Mark Twain's the Prince and the Popper. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And it's a pretty straight, it's become a pretty straight take on that. And it took me a while to realize that. A pretty straight take on

the Prince of the Bull. Well, pretty gay take on that, but it took me a while to catch it because the last time I saw that story adapted was an episode of Wishbone. And can I just say, significantly worse performance than the Jack Russell Terrier. Oh, okay. Like the dog did this way fucking better.

We could all only hope to live up to the performances of that Jack Russell Terrier. Yeah, but that is like the argument that this movie is really trying to hover around is that like, you know, here's two guys that, you know, that were exactly the same, but one grew up on the streets and he turned out bad and one grew up in the church and he turned out good, right? Like that's what we're supposed to be seeing over and over again. And so, yeah. So now good Davey has to go to like bad Davy's apartment and live in the squalor that his brother lived in. Right. He sees his brother's weird serial killer kidnapper collage of him on the wall.

Oh, they're doing trading places too. And David H. White clearly was like, A. Murphy can be multiple characters. I'll be fucking multiple characters. I can do whatever. Yeah. It's Ocean's 11. That fucking reservoir dogs trading places.

Prince, it's 20,000 films run through the worst version of chat. G.B. Yeah, and nothing original at any point. Yeah. So at this point, he decides to put on Bad Davy's purple T-shirt so that he can be Bad Davey now. Yeah. That purple t-shirt, that, like, it's so weird for me to tell you about that listener, but it will matter later.

Yes. And this t-shirt has a V-neck that begins below belly button. Yeah. Oh, 100%. The V-neck of this shirt is so deep. It could win an argument with its philosophy teacher about the existence of God. Oh, my God. So this V-neck, this shirt is actually the one that won all of those diving trophies that we saw earlier.

Yes. Yeah. This is what Jason wears to dinner before I start making fun of him. I also like that the one he finds has been like identically stretched to the navel, just like the one other Davies wear. Whatever he gets him, he just stretches those fuckers out. Yeah, we haven't gotten to the second one yet, but we'll get there in a minute. But yeah, so then we have to have the scene where like text goes to ask Sam if she thinks

that Davy's been acting a little first two acts of a body. body swap comedy, you know, recently. But she's cool with it. She's like, no, actually, he gives way better head now for some reason. Yeah, no, the dates are way more fun. And they're at a roller rink. So you can imagine how little fun they were before. Great that he eats ass now.

Yeah. Yeah. So, but yeah, and then he asks about the brother. So we learned earlier during the church scene that good Davy never told his best friend text about his twin brother, right? So now, like, Texas is asking her, hey, what do you know about this twin brother? And she's like, oh, you know, it just doesn't like to talk about it. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the body swap stuff you were talking about earlier.

How could that be really? Anyway, do you ever have somebody eat your ass? It's real. It's splendiferous. It's roller rink levels of fun. Guys, I was hoping we'd circle back. Oh, sorry, you're doing bits of the characters. Yeah.

I like that you were taking a. I like that you circle backed, though. Jason, if you want to talk about what it feels like to get your ass, eating on our podcast for more people than you'll ever talk to in a year you can listen it's like grandma always said there's two kinds of people people who like their ass eating and liars yeah there you go on so and before so then we for entering yeah so then we cut to um we cut to bad davy he's at sam's house now right and so sam of course is a painter hollywood would have you believe the world is just thick with fucking painters everywhere you go yeah okay question i also are a

Yeah, okay. So we both have a question. It might be the same. Eli, tell me if I'm crazy, in this painting studio area, are we looking at a painting of David A.R. White, the real person who is a naked centaur ghost in the very large painted depiction. Every painting in her painting studio is a nude of the actual real David, Arthur, Rick has. I think it's David, Avid, Ravid, White. Yes. And no one will mention it. No one goes, hey, remember all those times you painted my naked body? Here they are around us in a circle. So, yeah, so they're all hanging out.

And he's like, you know, what do you like about me as a person? You know, because he wants to know what the appeal of his brother is. And so then the woman that he's written for talks about how awesome David A.R. White is. Yeah. She talks about how much she likes his chest and how strong she is. She starts with, well, obviously the pecks and the abs. You got great abs. Her very first thing is almost hats.

It's like, I love your hands. No. Hands. Yes. Yeah. You're strong. You wrote this for me. Your performances on Coach Carter.

Sorry, that's the other way. it veers real strong into David H.R. White just writing his own pep talk. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, folks, can I give you some advice? Never ask your wife, partner, girlfriend, what they like about you. Women don't like men. And so their answers are always uber lame.

No man has ever asked this question and been like, I really loved the answer I gave because she hasn't thought about, she thinks not about you so that she's, she can stand you. And then you force her to be like, I don't know, man, you're smelly balls. That's what I love.

You're smelly, sweaty balls. Yeah, this whole scene feels like a hostage situation. He's just got like a fucking gun under the table. It's just like, say you like my chest or I'll turn the fucking lights up on this whole movie. I love how you're damp a lot.

You're usually damp. I'll trade you all out for fucking non-unions. I'll fuck. Just fucking watch me. But then he's like, you know, he's like, why can't anybody see that my brother, I mean me, is a piece of shit? And then he pushes her away and he like

tries to say all the meanest stuff he can think of to her so that she'll hate him now. Your painting sucks. And she's like, yeah, I'm an artist. Yeah, they're you. Can you imagine if there was one good artist in modernity? We'd have all heard about it. No, because all the museums

are just, imagine, just one person in the history of time in modern times just one guy he painted nothing he just splattered the thing and we were like all right he's famous now because no one else is fucking doing famous after I die that's the one

but not until she dies but also so but then she smacks him so somebody else gets to smack David A.R. White that isn't me unfair then he decides he wants to ruin his job so he goes to see Father Lawrence Taylor and this is where

catch up with the cold open where he confesses to killing his brother. And you're like, oh, it was the other brother we saw. Yeah. Question about Lawrence Taylor. Lawrence Taylor's performance in this scene appears to be he came into consciousness, perhaps for the first time, when they said action. Because he's like, I killed my brother. And this is Lawrence Taylor's performance.

Um, one? No, his performance here is, uh, it's, uh, CT is the, Oh, yeah, that's his acting technique, right? It's Meisner, Adler, and C.T.E. So, Lawrence Taylor tells him that he's forgiven, and then he takes off his fucking badge and his collar, and he storms out, you know? I always, whenever I see a priest collar,

I always think it's like a really nice thing. And whenever they take them off, I always forget that it's the thing that they use at Nordstrom brand, like, keep the search. It just, I always, it gets me every fucking time. It's so silly. And he hands it in, like the badge. gun thing. He's like, I quit my job.

You get, take my, hold on. Hey, you can actually keep that. You don't have to, that's trash. Yeah. You can throw it out at home. We don't recycle those. I don't have a number on it or anything. You just, you just want me to throw it out for you.

That's what's happening here. So meanwhile, so, so tech starts checking on Davy's brother. He starts looking him up, right? He's starting to put everything together. And then we cut to, to good Davey. He's got like nowhere to go. Now he's wandering the streets. he tries to do the change for a 10 scam,

but it's against the same guy from before. So that guy beats the crap out of it. Well, he punches him and then good Davey beats the crap out of him. And then Davey beats the crap out of him. Yeah. This is the good guy character. Yeah. The movie at different points, I was like, oh, they're going to switch it.

Like, it's going to be a twist where, like, bad Davey is like actually the good one. And we find, no, this, they will be certain throughout. Everybody's the good guy character. Well, so I think what the movie is trying to say. at this point. And I could be wrong, but I feel like what it's trying to say is like, well, yeah, now that he had to sleep in a shitty apartment, he beats people up for money.

Right? Like he's been in the bad circumstances. Yeah. Yeah, it's just they've just gotten there way too fucking fast. Yeah. It's got a semblance of a plant. It's got the semblance of an idea behind. Yeah. No, I get it. I stayed in a hostel once and I immediately walked out of the door and kicked a homeless guy to death. Like I exited and turned left.

I went to Eli's house and did that once. Yeah. Actually, that That was just Eli. It was funny. And I didn't. All right, I'll drag it back in. We also have to have the moment where he calls Sam.

No, please. But before he can explain what's going on, she hangs up on him, right? Oh, yeah, from the phone booth scene? Yeah. I really wanted this to turn into phone booth the movie, but in this situation,

the sniper just shoots him in the movie. Yeah, that would be nice. That would have been nice. But just then when he's at rock bottom, he sees a church. And he goes in, and this church has a work in Joe pre-jured. we can tell because he's painting the walls when he comes in.

I labeled him Santa Jesus. Yeah, it's Stacey Keech. Oh, really? The real actor. Yeah, Mike Hammer. What's Stacey Keech from? Mike Hammer, right? Wasn't he the cop in the 80s in that show? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's interesting about this scene is that he's supposed to be a janitor and then he puts the priest collar on and we're like, oh, wisdom. But I imagine it's probably pretty hard to do a task alone in a church. Because at any moment, someone might walk in at the bottom of the barrel and you have to be like, To be clear, I don't have any theological expertise. I am just fixing this way. Wait, you don't have like a magical advice for me right now? I have any advice.

Are you sure you're not God? No, I'm not. You really want to use a clear primer. Does that help? The union won't let me give you advice at this point in their relationship. That's Jimmy's job. Is there a church close to here with a guy who does have magical advice? Maybe you should wait until the preacher comes back.

That is his whole job. I could call him. Please don't exposit to me. Also, his advice is so unhelpful. Yes, yes. It's just generic. It's just generic priest words. Yeah.

Bad Davey's like, I got real money problems. And he's like, I used to have a friend with money problems. Then he got his legs blown off. Anyway, three dollars a pound. Yeah. Yeah. And he keeps saying, like, can you hand me that brush? And I'm like, why would you get all the way up on that thing and have your brushes

across the fucking room for you? That's stupid. In case a man rock bottom. Yeah. So like, if there's a. lesson to teach. He's got ready to go. It's like a prop thing.

This is why you never teach dramatic lessons. That's why the walls aren't fucking painted. Speaking of why we never teach dramatic lessons, then he does the twist thing to good Davey where Davey's like, what should I do? And Santa Jesus is like, well, if you're asking me, I think you should just give up

to Jesus. Yes, yes. But that seems like a risky pause to take, because what if that guy just like pulled below his brain? Yeah, bunch of wire. Yeah, you get a bugged wire situation. Oh. Just give it.

Just surrender. No, to Jesus. To see, oh, God, it's everywhere. I got to repaint. This is why I got to repaint. Yes, exactly. I paint this wall every week because I leave a pause too long. Another guy walks in, hey, do you have any?

Oh. No, my mom. It's going to ask a magical advice. He, yeah, you can't pre-start some of the Simon Cow people. He was like this one he came in. I'm not so sure. I've ever seen anyone more saved than you, Golden Boehner. So bad Davey is suiting up to leave, right?

And as he goes to leave, he puts on an identical purple shirt with an identically worn out V neck that I guess good Davey also owned. Okay, I would say identical except the V got deeper. I don't know how that's possible, but it got deeper. It's seen. It gets, yeah. Because he pulls it at the start. Every day, he starts his day with a little.

No, that's it. A little match. Exactly. No respect. This is also, he goes to get the money that he's been gathering up to the whole movie, right? But it turns out the money's missing and he knows that Tex took it. So we get the scene where he confronts Tex, right? Tex, though, now knows that he's actually the twin brother.

So he boots his car and then he tries to, like, arrest him. But as we've established already, David A.R. White has super gun grabbing spinning skills. I have a, why he knows just teach karate for money? Right? He's so good at karate in this movie. Yeah. Gun switcher room. He doesn't do the gun juggle though this time.

No. I was hoping he would give it another baton twirl. I would fly to California to do a karate class with David Arroy. Oh, fuck. I would sell 100%. Dave, are you listening? You've got so much money. We'll do so many things that you do, David.

Yeah. You're never at the Purefix game nights. I'm checking on all of them. Text praise for, for, for, Bad Davy, and then he, like, he shoots his gun. Does he shoot him or doesn't he, the scene blacks out and we don't know, right? Yeah. David A.R. White loves to kill black people to teach white people lessons. Yes, exactly.

That is a staple of the God's Not Dead series as well, by the way. Oh, interesting, yeah. So then we get Eric Roberts. He's getting a call from the Russian mobsters that loaned him that 50 grand. They're getting a little nervous and they want their fucking money. So, you know, Eric's under the gun. and then good Davy shows back up now with what money he could get, I guess.

Yes. He went to like every hot dog vendor in the city and did that like $10 for $10 for $10 for $10.000. Nine at a time, guys. But he's like, I'll help you all do the scam with you, Eric Roberts, but only if you let Sonny go. And Sonny's like, am I still in the movie? Yeah, right?

Yeah. Oh, sure. I have no idea why. Honestly, it's just costing me a lot in steak. I only had a big two the other night. But then we get good Davey trying to call Sam again, but she won't take his call. Damn it, she's leaving for Chicago now.

I also like how in any other film on Earth, she would have a romantic subplot with texts, but because it's David A.R. White universe, like the only one who can steal a woman from David A.R. White is even sexier David A. David A. You're leading David A.R. White. And he also steals the other brothers.

Like, David A.R. White just steals everyone's, like, he kisses Sunny. He kisses her. Yep. So, but then, okay, so she's leaving. Now we got both bad Davey and good Davy are showing up for this job, for the counterfeiting job, right? Why is bad Davy showing up for the job? Who the fuck knows? Well, so he's going to, so he wants to try to steal the million.

dollars for himself, right? Because he knows how the scam goes. And if he can just, you know, shoot Eric Roberts for realsies, he can get away with it. Right. Right. So, but now at this point, of course, in the movie, it matters that they're both wearing the same shirt, right? Because there has to be a moment where we don't know which is which.

But like, there was never a reason why they'd be. So it's like this wild coincidence that they both. And they don't acknowledge it. No. And they both owned the same shirt that was worn out in the same way. Hey, did you put on that shirt? That's my distress shirt. I always put on that shirt when I'm in distress

in a sort of thoughtful montage. I always put on the shirt in the distress and a thoughtful montage. But of course, this is where we get the Davey fight. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I actually remember that scene from Wishbone, by the way.

Where David A.R. White gets in a fight with himself. I remember that, too. Right. But yeah, so they start fighting each other. This is where we get my wardrobe malfunction. If you don't believe me, hour, 29 minutes, 40 seconds, ass just hanging out of those pants as he gets as he tackles himself to the ground. Okay.

I like that his double, because he has to fight himself, so he has to use a double sometimes. The double's hair is way different because the double absolutely refused to wear that insane wig. Yeah, you look like a, I look like a goth cutip, man. This is stupid. So, yeah, but one of the Davies wins, we don't know which one just yet, or at least I didn't. I enjoyed that he went way too hard with the accents here, because it's. It's like him and evil him talking to each other in the same place.

And they're like octaves apart now in terms of accents. It's like when Eli's doing one of these bits where he has to talk to himself as two different characters, right? And so he has to exaggerate the difference. Exactly. Yes. And he's out of breath. Yeah. Just like David A.R.

White in the scene. Yeah. Jumping from one side to the other. Yeah. Because I'm in a fight with myself. Yeah. But elsewhere, Tex finally gets like out of the trunk that bad Davey had locked him into, I guess. He didn't kill him.

Yeah. Yay. Yeah, we were very invested in techs. And then we got Eric getting the scam ready. Hensh, she's getting into his fake cop duds. And now the day traders arrive with one of the Davies, right? Can I just say this is the point in the movie where like, you know that thing where if you stare at a dot on a piece of paper and then you look away and you just see the dot everywhere? This is the point in the movie where everyone started looking.

like David A.R. White to me. Yeah. It's the Malcovich-Malkovich section of the movie. Yeah. And I started squinting at like Mr. Takashi in the scene and I was just like, David A.R. White. Is this a clump situation? Japanese face. Oh, no.

But yeah. So then they go in and they start doing the scam, right? Which we've already seen Ocean 11 out for us. And it starts with, he's got this pile of money. And we already talked about this a little bit in the sketch, but he's got this big pile of money. And he says, oh, let me take. out this particular pile of money

examine it, that one is good. I mean, they're all good, right? An ordinary deck of money. Yeah. But he's using, like, the cash from the hot dog vendors and from, like, TJ selling his El Camino. So it's just like

one wrinkled bill on the top and bottom and a bunch of paper in the middle, even the fake, you know. Yeah. But yeah, and so, and then we get good Davy, so it was bad Davey was the one that made it to the job, right? So good Davey wakes up, he gets into Texas police car, which is the one that bad Davy stole. So I don't know why he would even have the keys to that.

Takes a random cop car. This movie is too dumb for me to have to decode it. And this is the point in the movie where all of its dumb decisions come to a head, right? And the whole thing fucking unravels. I was there when you had to explain that fish movie where it was just moving gifts of fish. you had to extract a plot from it and David A.R. White has outdone you. You're just like, I don't know, man.

They're all in the room. Don't give a fucking 11 minutes of runtime left. I can't tell which Davey is which, which gun is real, which money is who's. Like the whole thing has fought, which car belongs. Everything's falling the fuck apart. Yeah, exactly. But

Eric Roberts figures out that it's bad Davey from the tattoo and then good Davy shows up and they shoot the hench, they shoot at the hench I feel like in real life if this happened, everybody would have to be like, hold on, time out. Somebody explain what we're doing. Yes.

But I don't know even what team I'm on. Right. Not to the Japanese guy. Can you guys step outside and we're going to do a sidebar about who's on what team? And then you come back in and we'll finish. Okay. Everybody does their own sidebar with their team and then we come back in it. And then we do it.

Okay. So then we have a very long like, so the day traders clear out and the million dollars is that we have this very long, will good David A.R. White kill Eric Roberts moment? And again, there's no reason for this to be this tremendous moment of tension. There is a tremendous moment of tension if bad David A.R. White kills Eric Roberts. Because Eric Roberts is the one who saved him from the frozen river and has sort of been a mentor to him. Right. But good David A.R. White and Eric Roberts have spent a holiday weekend together, at least some of which David was a hostage. This should be not at all,

consequential. But for most of which Eric Roberts was just making him lovely dinner. Right. Yeah, well that's true. But yeah, but we actually watched... Have you had the bloodline before? It's like steak, but it's got the tuna fishy flavor. You really like this. But then we watched the Jesus

wash over him and he can't shoot Eric Roberts and just then the real cops get there, right? Yeah. Also, they use a freeze frame here that lasted so long that I thought to be hit frozen and so I exited and had to restart the movie. Same. Had to watch nine more domino's ads.

Yeah, that's how they get you. So, yeah, so we get the wrap-up scene. The cops are there and everybody gets their just desserts. But this is where Tex realizes that sometimes you do have to look the other way and let Good Davy do the time for Bad Davy. Right. So Good Davey pretends he's the one that did all the crimes so that he'll get like a light sentence where Bad Davy was because he's on parole or whatever would go away for a long time.

And to be clear, I don't know what crime they're pretending he's a day. admitting to, but one of them is a million dollar fraud. One of them is attempted murder. So unless it's like improper use of a police vehicle, no one's getting, it's not, they don't have a one strike system. They kidnapped the cop and put him in a fucking, and stole his car and shot Eric Roberts. Yeah, I feel like that's more than six months. I wish that was the case, though. I wish everyone got one attempted murder. No, you don't. I know you shot Eric Roberts. No, you don't. I don't. I don't. Honestly, I have to remind Heath every morning via text. You don't get one,

attempted murder. Two. So, so, so, but. Shit. He's here. He's in the walls. So then we, we, we're going to get a scene with good Davey getting out of jail. He's done his time.

And now him and bad Davy are buddies and bad Davies turned the corner and turned another leaf and whatever. Yeah, Good Davey was so good at prison. That's like the takeaway. Yeah, right. Everybody, oh, we sure are going to be sad to see you go. And then Sam is there and they kiss and they drive off together and he's going to go to Chicago with her now. But there's so many great lines in that scene.

The first of which is where Tex is talking to Good Davey and he's talking about how bad, how yesterday he took Bad Davy to church and he didn't even steal anything. And I was just like, what a low fucking bar, man. Right? I took him to the zoo Didn't fuck one animal This guy Two

And the llama was asking for it Let me tell you And then right before she kisses Good Davey And they've reunited First of all she's like waiting She's like waiting around the corner So they can do a dramatic reveal

But my question is did they like Did they like rehearse Like were they like All right so you wait there We'll pick him up at the gate And then you just like how to wait there Sir because you leave your van there We're doing a dramatic reveal

If you don't mind Don't leave Mr. Guard walk him out at this angle exactly. Otherwise he's just going to see me standing by my car. And then she's like, is there a chance God might take you to Chicago? And as someone who grew up there, let me promise you,

God has not taken anyone to Chicago. No, just Marion Barry. He's escorted quite a few out in various ways. And his answer to is God taking you to Chicago was, I hope so. Yeah, still can't commit. Yeah. About a walk, girl.

Devinate. Maybe Stor's love someone shows you who they are the first. Maybe there's a sequel in store for us. All right. Well, Jason, thank you so much for appearing again on the show. This time as yourself, it's been a ton of fun to have you on. Such a pleasure. And next time you see Davey tell him,

he said he can still go fuck himself. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he can still go fuck himself. And while that does for our review of Mercy Street, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to spring this trap on ourselves again next week. So, Eli, tell us what's on deck? A hopeful story based on actual events. about a community that comes together to organize a miracle for a teen battling an aggressive form of brain cancer,

while two men find their own restoration healing and a father finds his faith again. We'll be watching Miracle at Manchester. Oh, that sounds like so much fun. All right, so with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 561 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Jason. Moishy come Jason. A huge thanks to all the Patreon donors as well that help make the show go.

If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation of Patreon.com and thereby earn early access to an ad-free version of our episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on your various social media and if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating a citation needed,

D&D minus, and the Skype forad, available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email Goddauff, and email to get rid of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan's like to produce on Mars. All the Daily Music was written and performed by our audio engineer,

working quick and wishes for permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week. For Heath and Wright, Nilai Bosnick, I'm no Lucian's project to work. Hard to earn all the check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the American graffiti clothes. Lawrence Taylor went on to do a bunch more pre-st stuff. Mm-hmm.

David A.R. White's hair would sign with Studio Ghibli and have a storied career as a soot sprite sprite. Tex and Bad Davey went on to star in their own backdoor pilot, The Jesus Files, only on USA. There's welcome. 100% of their belonging still out of the back of their unsecured car.

I know we didn't talk about it in the podcast, but it's poorly secured. She just had cardboard boxes. It's not going to rain all the fucking way to Chicago. Fuck you. How dare they? That'll hold. This content is scanned credentialed,

which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm to their hotline at 617-249-255 or on their website at creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org. This podcast is a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC and was created without the use of generative AI. Its contents may not be used for AI training. Copyright 2026. All rights reserved.