God Awful Movies - 574: Remember the Alamo! Don't Sharia My Texas

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

This week, Cara Santa Maria joins us for a movie that's almost scientifically designed to piss her off as much as possible.---Check out more from Cara on the Talk Nerdy podcastIf you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawfulCheck out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus.Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/Report instances of harassment or abuse connected to this show to the Creator Accountability Network here: https://creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org/

He's like, hey, my Savior performed 37 miracle. How many is your guy got? How many did your guy do? I think mine win. I think my guy, and his miracles were bigger too. His miracles were bigger and girthier, and he lasted longer. Yeah, there's this great moment where he's like, so how come he didn't heal the sick or raise the dead? And Aziz is like, well, you're lying about that.

It's like it's like the Peter Popoff thing. James Randy disprove that. How come Jesus doesn't have soft serve? ice cream that came out of his fingers because I made that up just now. God-awful movie. Welcome back to the Gamecast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because joy cannot exist without misery. I'm your host, No Illusions.

Heath is off this week, but sitting 900 bucks from my northeast is my bad friend, Eli Bostic. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Howdy, Noah? Yaha! And speaking of howdies at Yee-Ha! I was also joining us this week is guest bassist. extraordinary Kara Santa Maria. Carol, welcome back.

We can't get a Yeha out of you, even from this one. Come on. It's for your people, Carol. All right. So we'll save it for the end. Maybe we'll coax a Yeha. I think if you play that sigh in reverse, it might be a Yeha. It's like a Paul is Dead thing.

So tell us, Kara, what will we be breaking down today? Oh, yeah. This movie is actually called, Remember the Alamo, Don't Sharia, my Texas. Great movie. It's exactly what you think. Very succinct in the title.

But yeah, the title does tell you everything you need to know, doesn't it? Ooh. Yeah. I guess it could be like, I don't know, they could have added like the AI slop version. Sure. Yeah, Slop cut. Just a, yeah, slap cut.

Oh, you guys, it's so bad. That's all I can say right now. Oh, it's so bad. It's funny because we're in this transitional period right now where we're starting to see the AI slot movies. We're just, they're just starting to creep into the edges of gamdom. So, yeah, it's a real taste of what's to come. And Eli, how bad was this AI slop?

Well, if you loved the bat-shit Islamophobia of the early aughts, But you wish one state had tried to reclaim terrorist victimhood like Jan from the fucking Brady Bunch. You will love this movie. I loved this movie. Oh, I really didn't, man. I found this really, really unpleasant. Because this whole movie was like this guy trying to trigger the libs, right? 100%.

Yes. That's the entire film is that he was like, oh, I bet if I make it controversial enough people, talk about it. And I'm like, but we, we will, but not people. Not anyone. No one cares about your bigotry. What's so funny. Like, look, because it's really tough to talk about the problems of Islam and international relationships and terror. These are all complicated subjects. And so it's been difficult even for us to cover when we cover things like movies about terrorism and Islamophobia. Right. It requires a delicate touch. Not don't sharia my Texas remember the Alamo.

This is a fuck. They were like, hey, we heard it's hard for you to deal with the problems of Islam. How about we give you a movie that's so wrong it might as well be a negative, huh? Come on now. Don't Sharia, my Texas. And is there anything you guys want to nominate this for being the best and being the worst at? Well, I don't know if you guys knew this when you made me watch this movie. But this is definitely the best worst depiction, not just of my home state.

Uh-huh. But my hometown. Yep. I was born and raised in Plano, Texas, which is featured in, I don't know, 80% of this film. Yes. I was like, what are the chances that a talking head's going to come up and it's going to be Kara's dad? Yeah. It's not zero.

Oh, man. No, they hate Mormons just as much as they hate. That's true. Yeah. I don't try them to make the cut. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so I was going to go with best worst chyrons.

And I know we've used that before. Heath's used it as recently as episode 499. but I think he would agree that we have a new contender here. And I'm not just talking about the fact that they used a Chiron that looks like a wanted poster and then goes up in flames at the end. And I'm not talking about the fact that they use it every single time a person has appeared, even if it's his 30 second appearance in the film. They still give him. I like how you said his also. Well, yeah, well, right.

There's the one woman. Yeah, there's one woman in the whole fucking movie. Yeah. But I'm talking about one particular title that they give a guy on his Kairon that is the greatest goddamn thing I have ever seen in my fucking life. It sure fucking is. Now, no illusions. Do they give, say,

victims of genocide and gang rape the Flamy Chiron as well? Do those people also? Oh, they get it too. Okay. I was just checking. I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make sure we're keeping it tasteful. And speaking of tasteful, I'm going to go with best, worst torturing Kara. So

to explain why I do the things that I do in my life and in my existence is it's to harm Heath Enrae and then Kara, Santa Maria. And so I was like, oh, here is, because our thing you need to understand, right, is that the people on this podcast who are not me are deeply, deeply empathetic and educated,

including Kara. So when I saw Islamophobia documentary set in her hometown, I was like, oh, we're going to have a lot of fun. And then the last like 20 minutes. not super fun and just like here's the thing I'm having a lot of fun

razzle dazzle with my friend Kara and then I was like oh that's a lot I'll talk about gang rape towards the end yeah I definitely saw that in your notes you're like I feel like they're spending a little too long

oh pictures too hey cool hey we're all just having fun here making fun in your movie if we can move forward Oh, we can't. No, we have. No, no, we will not. All the way to the credits.

All right, well, with a warning that it's pretty much all racism and gang rape from the interstitial line, we're going to take a quick break. But we'll be back in a minute with all the half-ass attempts to trigger in the libs that are, remember the alamo, don't sharia my Texas. All right, everybody. I called a order this writer's room meeting. Remember the alimbo, don't shri about Texas. So easy to remember. Great title. Yeah, so obviously this is a very serious documentary about the harms of radical Islamic terrorism

and the dangers it poses to Texas specifically. Of course, yeah. And we need to get that message across right away. We need people to take this documentary seriously. Absolutely, super seriously. So I say we start off with an AI ripoff of that South Park episode about childbreak. Uh, is that going to set the tone we won't? Also, I was thinking I could draw a picture of Mohammed at an Islamic scholar and see if he murders me.

Well, that sounds great. We are doing a good thing, an admirable thing. Yee-ha! Yee-ho. Okay, what about Ben Affleck? Does his numbers start with a seven? For the thousandth time, that is not how phone numbers work. So yes.

Hey, guys. What's you doing? Eli's trying to convince me to give him famous people's phone numbers again, which, again. which again, I do not have. I know you do. You do too have famous phone. Eli, we have talked about this. Well, I'm sorry, Noah.

I don't have time to guess famous people's phone numbers on my own anymore, okay? I used up all my minutes. Your minutes? Yeah, I recently signed up for the barely there plan with big wireless,

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I sure have. I switched to Mint Mobile when they became a sponsor. Now I get the same great service for a fraction of the price. That's why I, Noah, Noelusions, personally endorse Mint Mobile. All right, Noah. Where do I sign up? To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash gam. That's mintmobile.com slash gam.

Cut your wireless bill of $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash gam. That's it. There is no catch. A upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required, $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees, extra initial plan term, only greater than 50 gigabytes might slow. When network is busy, includes up to 20 gigabyte hotspot, capable of device required, at availability of speed and coverage various cement mobile.com. What about 27? Does it start with a 27?

I'm sorry, wait. Is he just guessing random numbers? Yeah, random numbers. 972. Oh, actually, yeah. Really? No. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up with a violent verse from the Quran. And I wrote in my notes like, oh, it's good thing that your book doesn't have any of those or this would be really awkward. Yeah. How many times are you going to write that in your note? Yeah, like 57.

Yes. Oh my God. Yeah. No, you are is the response. If you want the YouTube short version of this review, it's no, you are, but actually you are. Yeah. You are though. Yeah. So the first spoken words of this goddamn movie to are our narrator and director, Chris, going, the first time I ran into jihadis and Texas. Oh, yeah. I wrote, just jumping straight into jihadis. Right into the Texan jihadis.

Now, I will say I was grateful for this because, you know, there's a thing that happens here on GAM where you feel the need to, like, fact check every claim and then about halfway through the movie you give up. But when they opened to, as I saw jihadis sneaking across the Texas border, I just, I got to kick back and relax. Yeah, right. Okay. All right. This is going to be an easy one. No need to Google that one. And this was their claim, right, that the cartel smuggles jihadis across the border. to threaten Texas housewives? Yes, exactly. Yes.

That is not only their claim here, but the premise of the documentary, more or less. But yeah, so the first two times he ran into jihadis, it was like that. The third time, though, it's when they tried to implement Sharia law in his daughter's school. The Sharia law in question he won't reveal

for a long time is the school made a rule against drawing Mohammed. Right. Which he will just interchange refer to as Sharia law throughout the entire fucking way. Right. You know how like it's also illegal in Islam to murdered children?

That's also Sharia law and that school also has that policy. Yeah, right. It's Sharia law all the way down. It's where sometimes they're just laws until you disagree with them. I kind of feel like the thing that this film is lacking

is an operational definition of both Sharia law and the word jihad. Sure. Yep. That is never fully explained. Yeah. Yeah. Importantly. And they actually go out of their way not to explain it. So they're not pinned down to any single definition.

But before we can really talk about jihadis, we need to talk about the proud history of Texas. Carol, Kara, San Maria. Carol, real quick. Quick question. Because you were born and raised in Texas. Why are you guys so proud of the time you got the shit kicked out of you? Yes. So I wrote, okay, guys, it's PTSD time.

So I definitely remember when I was quite young growing up in Texas, knowing much more about Texas history than about, like, world history. Really? And even really, probably American history. But thank fuck. I did not have to do the Texas flag pledge. The Texas Pledge of Allegiance. I had never heard of that before.

This must be a new. like Trump emboldened Texas. I guess like because he gives the, he gives the Texas pledge and he ends it by with a Yeeh and I'm like, is that really in the fucking Texas? Is the Yeha? If you don't do it in the Yeha, is it like you can't eat before grace?

I had so many follow questions. Yeah, I couldn't tell you. When I was a child, I was in a much more, I don't know, like I guess secretly racist Texas. Like they didn't say the quiet part out like as loudly out loud. Right. Right. Yeah.

So yeah, but they talk about the Alamo for a little while, and then we shift back to the terrifying spread of Islam. And there's this just amazing moment. And like throughout the whole goddamn movie, we're going to have these, how can you not hear at moments? But this is one of the early ones where I was still kind of shocks by it, where he's like, you know,

they're trying to take over other people's land. Could you imagine that, I say, as a white man standing in Texas? Can you imagine taking over someone else's land and dominating it with your religion? Yeah, literally in front of it. of the Alamo. I've just finished talking about the war against Sonola

and I'm like those conquering motherfuckers. Those imperialist bastards. Yeah, then he teaches us the Texas pledge and then we get our goddamn Texas credits. And I, okay, so I had

to include, this is why we went to fucking YouTube, it was to include this goddamn image. Audio listeners, I cannot do it justice. I showed it to friend of the show Jonathan Jerry, and he said it looked like if Avengers Endgame was made by Duck Dynasty, I thought that was pretty fucking close. Incredible. It's good. Also, Morgan, I don't know which version you're showing. I'm probably pointing in the wrong direction, but if you're not showing the version that moves a little bit, because it was made by the

AI Sloppinator that gives you like two seconds of movement, you are missing out the surfboard flaps in the breeze. Incredible. What is happening with the surfboard? Why is there a surfboard? I don't, I don't I don't know. I thought when we saw it, I'm like, I guess at some point we're going to understand why there's a red, white, and blue surfboard here. But no, no, we never will. You know what? Maybe that is the AI's interpretation of that stupid red, white and blue football that's in all of those scenes. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Do you guys notice there was just a random football? Like in a cowboy hat? In most scenes. They throw it around at the end there just in case we missed it. Yeah. So then we see that ridiculous shit. And then we see this like a monument outside the Alamo where Chris is pretty sure that this here guy is he was great great grandpappy. He don't know for sure, but they're pretty sure because his folks was from Virginia like that folks, you know. I don't know what the fuck that was.

But then we have this like this whole big thing where like everybody like whips out their family trees and measures how Texan they are. Right. Like I was, I'm an eighth generation Texas. I'm a 43rd generation Texas. All of that shit. Oh, well, that I definitely experienced growing up. Oh, dang. Oh, yeah.

And, like, you'd have, even, like, transplants would have bumper stickers on their car that would say, I wouldn't born here, but I got here as fast as I could. Jesus. This is very Texas. I cannot imagine being proud of anything, let alone be from Texas. It's, you know what? There's, like, a weird ambivalence, and I hate to admit this, but you guys know this, right? That I have a Texas tattoo on my arm.

Of course. Like there is a weird ambivalence from being from Texas because I guess you're just like, I don't know, it's Stockholm syndrome or something. Like, you know, it's imbued in you from the time that you're born. Like I was ashamed and I, but I was also proud. And weirdly, my Texas tattoo, it's like the flag inside of Texas. And I didn't get it in red, white, and blue because I was like, that's race. I'm smart.

Right? So it's like green for somebody. I don't know. Red, white and green. Exactly. No, it's just green. I don't know. Just green.

I die. It's very strange. Look, I can say the closest I have to this is like someone is allowed to say whatever they want about pizza in my presence. But then I will be like, right, but it's not as good as New York pizza. Yeah. The conversation does not move on from there. Someone will be like, actually, Gumpicios in L.A. And I'm like, fuck Gompicios.

I hope your whole state burns down. Yeah, I'm the same way about. So. Exactly. There's no case. There's no case. so in this movie. So we're going to, we're going to like introduce a bunch of our talking heads at this point. They're there telling us how Texan they are. I want to point out one of the, the

kairons that I love, we meet Laura Logan, our token woman, I guess, in the film. They introduced her as an award winning investigative journalist. I'm like, which award guys? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. She won an award. There's another guy who explains to us that being a Texan is a state of mind, which I guess is what Kara was driving at. Yeah. And, oh, one of them says that Texan being a Texan is, quote, in the DNA, end quote. So I don't, I don't think it is. Although they do say at one point Texian.

Yes, they do. I feel like goes a little against their value system. Yep. But, you know. But then what they're trying to say here, though, ultimately is that the Muslims know that Texas is the very heart of America and as goes Texas, so goes the country. They don't know what Bible Belt means. So they're like, Texas is the Bible Belt buckle.

And it's like, no, no, that's actually a real description of geography. And Texas is not the Bible Belt buckle. But yeah, but he explains, he assures us that we have fewer than five years before the Muslims completely take over. So clock's ticking, guys. Right, right. And this battle's going to be fought with. ballots, not bullets.

This is important. Can I say, having watched this movie, I was genuinely relieved to hear them say that. I don't think they think that, but I am glad they said it out. Yeah, right, right. At least they're paying lip service to it. So then we see a bunch of scary Muslims.

There are going to be several montages of just out of context clips of Muslims saying, and we're going to make changes. And then they're like, huh? What do you kind of change? you think they're going to make, right? They keep saying that, like, you know, Laura Logan says they're going to,

they're trying to manipulate democracy. And I'm like, do you, do you mean vote? She does mean vote. Yeah, she doesn't vote. The South African journalist does mean vote. Yes. Yeah. And then we get this weird fucking video that, like,

I guess like now that we've seen the fucking movie, we should expect this kind of shit, but we weren't expecting it at the time. This is the weird, like, fake beheading video. Yeah. Jihad video. This was almost my best worst. Like at the beginning, I was like, are they going to show a beheading?

Yeah. I wouldn't put it past this movie. But then I was like, oh, no, this is a white guy in like a bala clava. Pretending to be like, what was that accent he was doing? Doing a little sketch. Doing little bits. They thought this was sketch comedy. Well, so at first they thought it was sketch comedy, but then the other guy's like,

nah, fuck it. It's an action movie. and he just, the American guy, he's literally Michael Scott. He was like, but I would kill all the terrorists, guys. I have to kill all the terrorists at the end, including, I just have to point this out. So the sketch is stupid, right?

It's them, it's the terrorists, all played by white people, about to be ahead of guy, and then they get in a fight about the movie business, blah, blah, blah. I want to point out that when the American Michael Scott's and kills everybody, he does shoot a woman, a random unarmed woman, who is part of the scare.

Yeah, he does. This whole, and it doesn't, like, I don't get it. Can you guys help me understand? I wrote, what is this insanely racist and sexist scene where the white guy is playing a beheader and another white guy comes in and shoots everybody trying to tell us? I don't fucking know.

Okay, you know what? You know what it's trying to tell us America. And I know that because after the seat is over, we see like the red, white and blue and the word Murica, M-U-R-I-C-A, over top of it. And I write my notes, what is left for us to do that? I wrote unsatterizable. Yes.

Pose law or whatever. Like, I'm so confused by this. Yeah. Did you notice that the woman who is supposed to be, I think, the script supervisor, because they're trying to be like, we know movies. I'm an actor. I think that's part of it. I think this guy's really proud.

Christopher Berggart, the director. Oh, right, that he knows which people would be doing what on a movie set. Yeah, like he's a working actor. Like he did six episodes of growing pains. you know, in the early 90s. He did a movie called Full Body Massage. Chris? So yeah, I think he's like, look at me.

I have inside knowledge. But at one point, the woman, and they're all doing like racist, like I'm, you know, like, I don't know, Middle Eastern voices. And the woman's wearing like not appropriate clothing. And at one point she goes, Mita, Mita.

And then she starts saying things with like an Arabic accent. accent. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. No. They weren't trying very hard. No. But don't worry, in case you were really curious what emotion you were supposed to have, Chris comes out after the sketch is over and he goes, yeah, that was pretty funny. Humor. Nope. Humor. I did laugh. I did laugh at that. Can we do that with more of my sketches? I feel like sometimes my genius goes on appreciates. Yeah, right. That was pretty. Pop in after an interstitial. Hi, everybody. I am funny. And you and you,

like that. But he comes in and he goes, you know, the guy who was originally going to play that part decided to the last minute not to do it because he was afraid the Muslims would murder him. He did. Yeah, he was like, he just went and got too woke. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, but he says, you know, and think about that. A person shouldn't have to feel like he's going to get killed by Muslims just for making a joke.

And I'm like, yeah, but he's not going to. You're just racist. Yep. That's just, that's all you. And then he throws, he's like, well, it seems to me that you all aren't taking my very serious documentary about the dangers of Muslim seriously enough. So let's throw it to a cartoon. Oh, God.

No, not this part. AI Slop South Park. Yes. We spend, I'm going to say, about 10 fucking minutes in this AI Slop South Park version of the story, the most derogatory possible version of the Muhammad story. So I guess he does this because he's like, look, South Park makes fun of Jesus all the time. So we should be able to make fun of Muhammad.

And we're like, okay. Yep. And he tells this story. And like, look, the actual history of the birth of that religion is already pretty fucking awful. You really didn't need to add all this other crazy shit. Like the, why is Gabriel a white bat? It's a great question.

And the one that I had pretty fiercely. Me too. Yep, yep. I was looking at it up on Google and Google. He's like, I don't fucking know, man. Why do you fuck what I know? I just know all the things. Why did his aunt have a sugar mama license plate on her camel? Why was there a grown man teddy bear friend?

Yes. The teddy bear's journey in this cartoon is fascinating to me. Yeah. And then they're just like, they're doing all this comedy bits. and then Muhammad raped a child and I'm just like, hey, you know, like, yes, he did, right? And point that out, by all means, point that out. But you're the one making a comedy beat of it.

Yes, and you're the one depicting it in a cartoon. Right. And also, wasn't there a lot of child rape amongst your thing, too? Yes. Well, didn't your God rape a fucking child to start your whole goddamn religion? Oh, wait. Hey, let me check real quick how old Mary was. Am I going to see a double-digit number for most of these?

I don't think I'm going to see two digits for most of history. But then he's like, you know, and Muhammad got very rich by starting his religion. And I'm like, oh, well, so by capitalist standards, actually, he's way better at starting religions than Jesus. Yeah, you think they'll be proud. And then he has this whole thing because obviously they're trying to demonize Islam as much as possible. So they're like, and wouldn't you know it when they took over countries, they made people of other religions into second class citizens. he said in his movie about how Muslims shouldn't be allowed to vote. Right. Shouldn't be allowed to be citizens of any class.

Yes. But then we watch Muhammad die calling for more violence. Yeah. He got poisoned to death by a Jewish lady. Oh, and she was not at all stereo. That rules. What AI? genuine question. What AI did they get? Brock. Sorry. You know what?

Came out of my mouths. and I heard it. Mecca Hitler. When you need your teddy bear pedophile assistant, you go to GROC. Clearly, yeah. But then he explains that 1400 years later, Sharia dominates Arabia. Also, many neighborhoods in Europe. You don't know them. They're from Canada.

But they're there. Philippines, there are some Muslims there too. Yeah, a lot of Muslims in the Philippines. Yeah, but not as many as Indonesia. And when they go around the world showing all the places where Muslims live, they're all drawn like Saudi princes. Yes. Did you guys notice that? Yeah.

You get it. Middle Eastern people. Middle Eastern. Yeah. So yeah. So we see our little cartoon. And then we give that they show us the Quran verse about how the rocks and trees will tell Muslims that Jews are hiding behind them in the end times. It's just admittedly a pretty fucked up first.

Yeah. And I thought it was crazy that Mermedani opened the 9-11 memorial this year with that phrase. but the hide and seek he did at the free preschool with it that was cool that was that was cute everybody has to be rocks and trees and then he dressed up like Charlie Kirk in the big inflatable costume you get him and then the messaging was kind of mixed there but it was fun you missed

you missed that oh it's so much fun oh check out your aunt's Twitter it's right so yeah but then he says you know the Constitution and Sharia law are at odds with each other. And I'm like, yeah, the constitutions like that with all religious rule, actually. Yes.

Sorry. I would just like a talking head who really respects the Constitution and the rule of law. Who come in right now, Noah? Like, is there someone... Good. Let's tag in Michael fucking Flynn.

As they're saying, you know, like, they don't respect a constitution at all. Because traitor Michael Flynn. Michael Flynn, who records. this after being convicted of ta-tta-ta treason that says, quote, you have to respect

the oath of office you took. How do they not hear it? They don't hear any of it. You guys, at one point, somebody says, Islam is a culture with the patina of religion. And I was like, Christian said, what? Yeah.

Right. These guys are constantly pretending their religion. it's a relationship. Religions love to pretend they're not fucking religions. That's your own goddamn thing. They say at one point they're worn.

They're like, you know, they're trying to influence people who are running for office. I'm like, we're all doing that. Your organization that this fucking whole damn thing is advertising exists to come in and talk to fucking elected leaders about the dangers of Islam.

Yes. You're literally a get out the vote movement for bigots. How the fuck can you possibly pretend that you think it's evil to influence people running for office. Well, and not just that. Like, their whole argument is that it somehow, I mean, it's, it's like a replacement theory argument, right? Like, it's like, it's like they're going to take over with their ways, with their culture, and their culture is inherently evil.

And yet, they don't see that we live in a Christian culture or they don't understand, like, what Judaism is. Like, all these people are like Zionists, right? And like, I don't know about you, but a lot of my Jewish friends don't even believe. believe in God. Yeah. But they're still Jewish because it's a culture. Right. Yeah.

Well, and speaking to the Great Replacement Shet, this is where we see the, we see Plano and we see what it's become since, since Kara abandoned it. Obviously, Carrie, you haven't been back in a while, but it's all checks notes, shopping malls and Middle Eastern restaurants. Oh, there's halal restaurants there now with the audacity of those. to eat. A free clinic? I know.

What was that? No. A fucking doc in the box and we're supposed to be like, well, Muslim doc in the box. They're like, you know, they build these mosques and these huge mosques when there's only a few Muslims. It's like they're trying to expand their religion. I'm like, it is like that. Yes.

Yeah. At one point, they're like, they're enticing middle schoolers and teenagers to be sympathetic to their cause. That's an actual. line from the movie. Like, can you imagine the goal? Now, excuse me, while I get on this dirt back for my after school program about Jesus. Yeah, right. And go hang the Ten Commandments up on every fucking wall in every school in America. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, my God, you guys, this is where I grew up. It's like, was I just not aware? Of all the Muslims around you? Yeah, you're blinded by your liberalism, Karen. I told you that. I just feel like I don't remember people being this overt. I remember like it being racist when I grew up, but I don't remember it being so, I don't know, they say constituents are concerned about the Islamization, that's a word, of the Dallas area.

Like Dallas doesn't go on Pakistan, y'all. Yeah. Like, I just, I don't remember. To be fair, we spoke to several Uber drivers when we did the Dallas live show, and they were, in fact, worried about the Islamization of Dallas. But I think that might have been more about them. than the Islamization of old downs.

Well, and then we hear about, you know, we're demonizing mosques and they're like, well, you know, they keep a lot of weapons in them mosques. And we're like, fucking what? And they talk to a guy who's like a veteran of the war in Afghanistan. And he's like, yeah, no, in Afghanistan. They kept a lot of weapons in the mosques. I'm like, well, in Afghanistan. Yeah.

Also, quick pin in that because we will later meet a preacher who's literally like, I wear a gun when I preach. Yep. We sure the fuck will. I think you've got to pick whether or not, guns in religious spaces is bad or good. Right, right, yeah. Well, but just in case we were in danger of not taking them seriously enough,

this is where we introduced Tommy Robinson to the proceedings. Hell yeah. He lends him a little credibility. What's so funny about Tommy Robinson is that he is like if Hitler had a chimney sweep accent, right? Because everything he's saying is the most abominable, violent, awful form of racism. but he's like, oh, day you won't go now. And I'm just like, Mary Poppins and a talking and a cartoon penguin are going to join this man in his race war any second. Well, and they're talking about like, you know, the dangers of Sharia law chipping away at our constitutional rights and everything.

I'm like, yeah, if only there was some kind of wall of separation between the two. And then they have this moment where they've got a clip of Yassir Qadi. I don't know who this guy is, but he's some Muslim speaker that they've got like a 16 second clip of him that has, I shit you not, four cuts, four cuts in 16 seconds, including the cut between the words Texas and wanted to. You think it was didn't want to? What did they cut out there? And look, just like every religion, you can find religious leaders saying bat shit stuff, right?

But like if you want to have a clip off Chris Berger with the fucking, I'll get all my fucking Christian clips of them saying bat shit stuff and you find the nine BBC clips you've got a Muslim guy saying bad shit stuff. Like we can go crazy for crazy if you want to. We don't even have to trim ours down. I don't have to stop talking about fucking what's his name? Dunkin' Donuts guy. I'm forgetting his fucking name. Oh, Greg Locke.

Yeah. Greg Locke. I can, I'll win just with Greg Locke alone. Yeah, you'll already win. I feel like the clips that they use weren't even that bad. No. It was a lot of people being like, yes, we want more Muslims to feel safe in our community. Yes.

And like, here's the thing. I just looked it up. Guess what percentage of Plano's population is Muslim? 1%. 3. Jesus. So you basically have already fallen. You're wearing a burqa right now is what you're telling us.

3%. In case you ever have to do. Yeah. It's pretty much the whole city. That's it. So, yeah, but their argument seems to be, well, if you imagine that all the mosques are missiles, you're super scary. That's a lot of missiles.

At one point, somebody goes, like, there are 29,000 to 3,000 mosques in the U.S. Like, ooh, scary statistic. And I was like, hmm, how many churches do you think there are? I looked it up, 350,000. Jesus, 350,000 churches. Yeah, almost a percent as many. Yeah, it's insane. Well, and then they've got that moment, speaking to the mosque,

they have that moment where he's got some Muslim guy that he wants to do an on-camera interview with. And the guy who's like, I'm obviously not going to do a fucking interview with you, you racist. So we watch him like try to go to this mosque to talk to the guy armed. With a gun. Yeah, we hear the 911 call from inside the mosque. That's like there's a white dude who's armed trying to get into it.

our mosque. We're a little scared. Right. We've asked him to leave and he refuses to, yeah. We see the thing, he's out front and he's talking to the cops. He's like, so they called the caps on me for trying to talk to him and the cops are, the Texas cops are like, I mean, you have a gun, man.

Yeah. And there's like, he's like, well, you know, it's Texas. Everybody has a gun. And like, man, they're not all trying to get into this, uh, this mosque, though. Yeah. It's like, it just makes no sense because then he literally comes back to the camera and he's like, well, they told me I got to leave because this is private property and

it's their right. Well, that's how it fucking works. Yeah. Okay. Can we talk? I know we have so much to get through, but can we talk about Greyhound? Oh my fucking God. Yes. Please. You could not pay me infinity dollars to

show this moment, let alone admit to it. Right. He's talking to the security guard of this mosque and he's like, what's your name? And the guy says, Greyhahn. But because Chris is a fucking idiot, he goes, oh, we're using code names now? What's up, Greyhound?

I'm Big Dog. And he's like, no, my name is Greyhound. And he's like, oh. Grayhan. I'm a culturally ignorant idiot who should change everything about my... Like, if he had begun to undress and walk into the desert with his arms outstretched to the sun,

like, I blew it this time, Buddha. Let's try again. Well, and then he walks away and he looks at his camera and he's like, you know, they sure have a lot of security at this mosque. I wonder what they're trying to hide. And I'm like, you just tried to get in there with a gun and you're a fucking avowed bigot? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about, man?

Trying to hide from you because you are the bad guy in this. Absolutely. All right. Well, I think we need to check and see if Kara's part of some kind of Muslim sleeper cell. She seems to be wanting to downplay the Muslimization of Plano. So we're going to take a quick break. Musilization, thank you. Yes, exactly.

Muzalization. It's Alamilandiginandong. All right. Well, while we saw what that word is, take a quick break, but we'll back in a minute with even more of Remember the Alamo. Don't Sharia my Texas.

Yehow. Yehow. Good evening, America. I'm Chet Chetley. Welcome to America's favorite game show, Make in Hollywood edition. Today I'm joined by Christopher Burgard,

director of Remember the Alamo, Don't Sharia My Texas. Great title, Chris. Thanks. I couldn't decide. Yep, nope. That's extremely obvious. So, Chris, you made a movie about the dangers of Islam. Are you ready to make it black? I sure am, chat. All right, go ahead, Chris. Hey, everybody. I'm Chris Burgard, and I want to warn you about the problem of letting black people move into your neighborhood. If you let black people move here, they'll do crimes and rape your women. All right, Chris.

Do you hear it? No, I do not. Yeah. No, this game worked better before Trump. What do I win? I don't know, man. The House and the Senate, probably. But until then, we'll see you next time on

Make In Black. Terry, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't join us for Make a Black. I didn't see any red text. Just real quick for blackmail purposes. Can I just get you to egg? Just a real fake. Come on, Kara. I'm going to punch you in the throat.

Don't. Hey, guys. What's the matter? Eli's being gross. It's communication. You ran a communication camp. Science communication. Our livelihood is a science if you think about it, Kara.

Guys. Okay. So you know how Patreon is changing everyone to monthly Patreon pledges, but the people who give us money shouldn't freak out because nothing about the amount they pay is changing? Well, that's right. We've even created, please don't freak out and destroy our livelihood.com so that people could answer any questions they might have about that. Okay. So I was just asking Kara to tell people about it and she's been mean. Really, Kara? Because it's super important for us.

Okay. To be clear, he asked me if I'd say it in quote, a sexy girl voice so people will listen. So people will listen. Yeah. Yeah, you can punch him in the throat. Stop giving people permission to do that. No. And we're back for more of this shit. And we're going to rejoin Chris harassing people on the phone, trying to get this Muslim guy to talk to him again.

But he won't. I imagine that this is the result of sort of the Michael Moore, like calling people and them hanging up thing that came from Bullying for Calumbyn and some of those movies. But like, I can't tell you how many of these documentaries we've watched where someone's been like, Hi, I would like to accuse you of murder and the person's been like, no thanks and they've been like, motherfucking God of.

Yeah, right, right. But eventually he does find a victim, right? This guy, Aziz Boudry is, I would say he's this movie's first victim. I'm sure the movie has plenty of victims after it's released or whatever. No, yeah, I'm victimized by this. I was going to say, yeah, what about us?

Including us, right, but Aziz was victimized first. No, that's fair. But he's the president of the, the Islamic Association of Texas. Now, I have no idea what this group is, but I would imagine it's an outreach group, and I would imagine that he went into this thinking, all right, well, I'm going to help some Christian understand more about my religion,

and I'm going to, like, you know, try to open a dialogue between faiths that might be productive or whatever. And what he's really going to do is he's going to sit there, while this guy throws racism at him for the rest of the movie. Right. But he's going to, what's amazing is it's a gotcha interview where Chris keeps accidentally gotchaing himself. right? Like when you consider

how badly Chris does in this interview, I feel less bad for Aziz than I otherwise would because Chris would be like, oh hey, Dr. Budry, what if I punched myself in the face as hard as I can? Let's go, girls.

And Aziz just sits there the whole time being like, it looked like it hurt. Yeah. So his very for scotch is he's like, they're sitting They sit down and he goes, well, would you look at that? There's an American flag and a Texas flag. I guess we should pledge allegiance to them, shouldn't we? And as he's like, yeah, okay, man.

Show me how this works. Sure, if you want to do your, you want to do your stupid little thing. And he's doing the polite shm-mam-mam-ma-ma-ma-ma. Yes, he's fucking great, right? Right, like, amen. Amen. Macarena. He very clearly doesn't know either of them.

Now, we should point out that, like, English is clearly not this man's first language, you know. No, he's from, I looked it up. So he's an Afghan native. He does have his citizenship in the U.S. Sure. And he has a master's in political science. They really cut the interview to make him sound like he knows nothing. Yeah, right, right.

Sadly, because he clearly knows a lot, but he's also just really sweet. Yeah, no, he's eating. He's being polite, yes. He's the nicest fucking guy you could possibly do this to. You could not find a guy where you look, like more of an asshole doing this, right? And look, I'm a stupid person. If you point a camera at a smart person and let a stupid person say stupid stuff, they don't go,

oh, you're an idiot. Right. Oh, let me try to understand you in education. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. This guy is clearly smart. He speaks as an expert witness in federal courts about Afghanistan regularly.

Oh, wow. And he just didn't ask him anything ever. They don't even ask Chris Berger to do that. So maybe that he would be happy to do that. Maybe now that Chris has defeated him in mortal word combat, they'll call Chris to talk about Afghan. So much better at the Texas pledge. And then he asked him about the Jesus swapsies.

So for those who don't know, according to Islam, Jesus was a prophet, but he didn't actually get crucified on the cross. God came at the last minute and swapped him out with a lookalike. Yeah. Who got crucified, which is fucking amazing. I love that so much. But Aziz explains that to. Chris, and Chris goes, well, you know, that wipes out our whole religion.

And I'm like, yeah, man, that's, like your religion wipes out his whole religion, too. That's just how religions work. Right. And it's worth taking a moment at this moment because Chris is so deeply offended by Aziz just confirming a thing he already knows, right? Yeah. For much of this movie, Chris is going to be like, we should be able to draw Muhammad. We should be able to draw Muhammad. And in the one moment where he goes,

So you're saying Christ in down that cross like the Lamb of God he was. He is a loose. He is shaking with rage. Yeah. The idea that other religions fucking exist. Right. Yes. Yes.

This guy is so lacking in any amount of like empathy. I would say theory of mind. Really? He is lacking in like a three year old. He is lacking in theory of mind that he's like, he thinks it's a gotcha moment where he's like, but Jesus is. the son of God. Like he's the prop. You're saying he's not.

And the guy's like, well, no, we don't believe that. And he's like, what, I understand. Well, fuck you. Fight me. Fat me right now.

Yeah. Your frame of reference is different than my. Right. It's just so insane. And to your point before Noah, he actually is like, you should be able to draw Muhammad.

And Aziz is like, yeah, you can if you want. It just offends a lot of people. Well, this is where he does the real gotcha, right? He's like, for example, you could draw Muhammad just like I did on this piece of paper. And he holds it up like he's holding garlic up to a vampire. Okay. Genuinely, what do we think Chris thought would happen?

I think he thought he would melt. Right. I think he thought genuinely that this 60-plus-year-old Islamic scholar, was going to be like, and fucking like, yeah. And luckily Chris had his sidearm and he was going to be like,

too slow, my homie. The fucking nothing that happens in this moment. Truly, you could not make me admit that I got my ass kicked this hard in conversation at gunpoint.

Oh, it's so embarrassing. Because he's got such a great question. He's like, you know, Hey man, what joy do you get out of drawing that? And then just Chris is like, what the fuck? Talk?

Why aren't you angry? I want to. I know. It's like he could have edited that out. Why do you want me too? I don't. Why do you? Why am I the way?

I'm going to take off all my clothes and wandering into the desert. I'm so sorry. I thought all people were sort of at a baseline and I fell well below it. I don't know what happened. Were you guys equally confused about the back and forth about Allah where he's like, well, we're monotheists too. Like we worship the same God. And he's like, no, you worship Allah.

And I'm like, no, but Allah just means God. Do you not know that there are different words in different languages? I'm asking so seriously because you are so stupid. Here's back to the theory of mind part. The Bible says, do not entertain foreign gods. And to us, Allah is a foreign god. And he's like, yeah, to you. Right.

You have your own perspective. Tell me when you know a thing I'm saying. Places. Places exist. But you are not in all of them because you are not the only. Nope, you've lost you. I'm going to hand you an apple. Yours?

Mine. Practice with me. Mine. Now yours. Failing the red dot test so much in this movie is just Chris. Being like, that guy's got a red dot on his forehead. I know that's not a Muslim thing That's a Hindu thing

But I still don't like it So and then fucking mid interview with Aziz Asiz is just wiping the floor with this jackass He stops to talk about Theo Van Gogh, the Dutch filmmaker guy that was killed by a crazy Muslim guy That was mad about Ian Hershey's video Hey you You didn't react in the violent manner

I had a whole quick draw situation in my head So here in the year, I need to call back to one murder one time to prove that however many millions of people are driven into a murderous rage at a moment's notice. So now Montaigneur. This idea that like Theo Van Gogh being killed by a random dude means that like the Muslim, I don't know, the main guy. Right. Well, that's not a thing. It's a good thing that no Christian ever killed anybody over Christian ship.

Exactly. Oh, yeah. It's like both. It's number one, like Christian says what? But it's also like, do you think that this one thing was like all Muslims in the world voted? And they were like, yeah, let's send Mo. Right, yeah. We're going after Theo Van Gogh this week, everybody.

It's a fucking weird poll. But slow murder week, I guess. Mo, you want to take this one? Oh, no, he's excited. Okay, that's good. Of course, we have to have the, They're coming for our comedy moment. I can't with this.

With Bill Maher and John Cleese, two fucking rich, famous geriatric white guys who still seem to think that they speak for the every man. Yep. Nobody represents me as a comedian more than Bill Marr and John Cleese. Thank you. And Laura Logan.

And Laura Logan. Thank you for, look, as someone who has a podcast where we have read and made fun of, every single word of the Quran. And we've been murdered seven or eight times apiece. At least. At least. I know Heath has gotten murdered, but it's the tall

thing. And so we don't know if we count it. And there's a lot of jihads. And I just, I'm so grateful the Monty Python guy is there really really standing up for me. Okay, but what about, but what about Charlie Hebdo?

Uh, yeah. And again, like I'm like, I'm like, no, that's fucking awful, man. That was genuinely terrible. It's a good thing that, like, you know, I couldn't bring up an example of, like, a Christian going into a historically black church and being invited to sit in with their prayer group

and then shooting them in the name of his fucking Christianity, right? Right. That's never happened in the history of, yeah. And, you know, if we're trying to make the argument that religion is some dangerous shit, I will make that argument with you for a living even. Well, that's partially. why I'm annoyed, and this is going to sound like kind of hypocritical and pretty ironic coming from

me. But that's partially why I'm annoyed with all of the clips over and over of Bill because it's like he does that about all religion all the time. He made a whole fucking movie about how ridiculous Judaism is. Right. A whole movie. Yeah. So. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No. So are we calling him in as the expert here? Yeah. It's like, bro, he's not on your team either. Go interview him, you know. Call Bill up and be like, hey, Bill, big fan of your work. Don't reflect on that at all, by the way. But hey, Bill, I just wanted to say, I know you and me are right on the same. I don't think the answer's going to be yes. It's like, don't get me wrong. Like, he said some really fucked up shit and I do wildly disagree with him. But, like, let's talk about

this very creative editing that this dude, you know, tries to use in this movie. It makes no sense. Oh, and then Salman Rushdie, too. Yes, we're talking about Salman Rushdie, yeah. Okay. The summary of the satanic verses was one of my favorite things I've ever seen be wrong, possibly ever, right? So they sum up the satanic verses as, Salman Rushdie wrote a book about all the demonic power that took place in the days of Muhammad. Yeah, yeah. He uses the word demonic like 400 times. He loves that word.

He's like, and then they stabbed him. And I'm like, well, that was 36 years in between. between those two things. But yes, they did stab him. And then we cut to a clip of Solomon Rushdie after he was stabbed

being like, yeah, man, religious indoctrination is bad, including Chris Burgars. Chris, you're watching. Please don't use me

as a weapon against Middle Eastern people. Yep. Yeah. Yep. So then we cut back to Chris interviewing Aziz

and he asked him about Garland, Texas. Now, you may have forgotten about this because it's just a fairly small event. But Garland, Texas, they were having this draw Mohammed contest

and a couple of guys showed up with bad intentions and were killed by the police. Yeah, okay. So let's break this down. A, what did they think was going to happen at a draw-the-profit event? Yeah, you can't. You can't.

It's like entrapment. Like they entrapped those guys. And then it's not like the guys, I mean, hopefully they weren't going to cause harm. I don't really know, ultimately. we can't thought police anybody, but like they got killed by cops. Right.

That's the outcome. You had this draw profit event and then two men got murdered by police. Yeah, and look, you know, like I'm sympathetic to a draw Muhammad contest. I'm sympathetic to calling out like efforts to try to like squash what we can and can't do in the name of your religion or whatever.

You know, I'm not a big fan of Chris doing it because he's obviously just a, fucking raging ass bigot and wouldn't do the same thing if it was a different religion that was trying to do the quashing. Yeah. If you want to do a most a religious drawing contest, I'm all about it, Chris, because I think the way that Jesus would really take Ganesh and Muhammad's cock at the same time, I think I could find a real poetry in the lines and imagery there. Well, you know what? He's showing the picture and going, like, I just drew a picture. Why is that offensive? I'm like, I could draw a picture that you'd find offensive motherfucker.

Absolutely. Well, and again, that's what's so funny about this, right? Is that it's not about that your offense shouldn't have, like, power over other people. All Chris wants is his offense to have power of other people.

He doesn't want Muslims to be able to live in his state at all. Yep. Right? Vote, live, build churches, anything. This is the opposite of someone who wants freedom. The only reason you're drawing,

following Muhammad is because you are a bigot against people who are browner than you. Yes, 100%. Absolutely. So, okay. And their whole point on the Garland, Texas thing is like, you know, the FBI was already watching those two guys that got killed. How come they hadn't already been arrested? And I'm like, in advance of committing a crime?

Yeah. If there was a thought police. Now, I think there should be these police who when you think of crime, they come in. What would you even call that? I don't know what the title should be yet. He's like, and where did those people come from? A mosque, exactly. If we just arrested all the people in the mosques, there'd be no terrorism now, would there?

You know, did you notice that all of their counterterrorism experts, their Kairons just said counterterrorism expert? Or Dr. Keith Roses said counterterrorism intelligence. And I was like, what is he? Like, freelance? Yes. I actually looked this guy up because I was wondering that same fucking thing. as near as I can tell, I mean, it might just be another guy with the same name that looks an awful lot like him, but I think he's a fucking plastic surgeon out of Corpus Christi.

Okay, but he's also in his free time. Yeah, he's got some yarn and some pushpins. Yeah. I'm sorry, Noah. Do you not see all the magic books behind me? No, there's a many faceted. Yeah. I am a wizard and a counterterrorism expert because it's not.

And Kara, honestly, you never introduced me. as your character is a expert friend, and I wish you would, especially not in flames. So, yeah, right? So I,

there's also, there's a moment of absolute perfect comic timing that Chris does by accident at one point. He's talking to Aziz in the interview, and he's like, you know, I pick up the newspaper, the daily mail.

And he's, and he sees, this is where we're going to introduce this argument that California has, law in its schools because the schools don't let kids draw Muhammad at the Muslim students. Which is the most insane retelling of that story possible, right? It would be like there were high school bullies giving a kid a wedgy and they were like, we are under Jewish law because they were given the Jewish kid a wedge and they said,

hey, don't do a hate crime to that Jewish kid in particular. Right. Well, this whole fucking freedom bullshit argument that they're making is like, oh, there's no free speech because we can't yell the N word at the black kid, right? Like, that's the same fucking argument that they're making. And we should point out that like, because we say things that are offensive to religious people on a regular basis because we talk about their bigotry and we talk about the bad things they do, we get approached by people all the time who are like, hey, man, wouldn't it be funny if we like went into a church and we fucking punch an old lady in the face? And then we jerked up in the communion And then we were like And I'm like Oh, you are in psychosis

Right? Right. But yes, we're doing this shit For you. For you, the fucking atheist That's listening to this shit We didn't go to a church And yell this shit

Over their fucking parking lot. We don't even go to Christian movies. We watch them from home. And also, by the way. Three times a year I'm in a theater full of them And I'm just like, yeah, no, I'm on the year. You're going to do it. You also punch up.

Yes, exactly. That's the whole point here, right? You're never punching down at like a victim or at somebody who's like really vulnerable, but they don't seem to understand that. Or in this case, a child, right? This is about drawing a picture of Muhammad at a child. Right. Right. There is no child's religious belief that I have any interest in discussing ever.

Right. I have friends who have religious children who know that I'm an atheist and they're like, hey, What's the thing about atheism? I'm like, that's between you and your mom and sweet baby Jesus. Five pounds, six ounce baby Jesus. Go ahead and take that home. So, okay, but then this is where we get Chris's hero turn, right? Because this is when he speaks at his city council meeting in defense of bigotry to keep Sharia law out of his schools.

And we have to watch the whole thing. It's like unedited. And I looked it up, you guys. So he is speaking at the city council meeting of obviously. Agua Dulce. Guess what the population is of this town? Please, please. Nine. Less than 3,000. Fuck yeah, baby.

The Muslims is coming for him, though. So ridiculous. Oh, my God. Yeah, and so, like, we meet his buddy Ed. Ed. Ed was born in Iran and his family escaped after the Iranian Revolution. Yeah, his Akiron should say, Ed Porter, Iranian man. Yes, Ed Porter, some of my best friends. Yes. So yeah, but then we hear from the mayor of that little tiny town going like, yeah, you did a good job of chasing them Muslims out with your racism speech, Chris. You saved the day.

Did you see that the mayor behind him, he had like hobby lobby art on the table that says, Oh, did he? Pray, wait, trust. Pray wait, trust. How little magic. do you attribute to your God that you were like, pray, but give it a fucking second. He's not goddamn, not Waffle House.

You've got a minute. Yeah, but then he says, you know, the city council after they heard my racism, they unanimously agreed to allow our children to draw Muhammad at the minorities. And I'm like, hooray. Then. Yeah.

And then all the kids were like, I don't want to do this. Yes, of course. They don't want to do this. before it made that boy cry. Yes. Right. Look, here's the thing.

I want to defend everyone's right to be as offensive to religious people as possible. You just got to let Eli play. Okay? That's my only rule. You want to have a Muhammad drawing contest? Great. I get to do 20 minutes of stand up about Christ our Lord and Savior to kick the whole thing off. And then we'll decide if it's a good or a bad idea.

There you go. It's all am asking. There you go. So then we cut to some Somali. in Minneapolis and I'm like, oh no, we don't stay there long, you know, not long enough to eat a dog or a cat or anything. Yeah, and they didn't want to get measles. So, that's why they were running.

So, yeah, so then he starts, Chris starts yelling about how they're trying to use rules that come from the Quran. And I'm like, I'm sorry, are you saying that from the state that's trying to put Ten Commandments in every classroom or do you need to shut the fuck up? This is also where we, I think we get our first Mom Dani jump scare. Fuck you. Yeah. Mammani.

And we just have a quote of him saying literally just like the religion Islam, right? It's just like, you know, as Muhammad said and they're like, that's enough, you get it. He's fucking, he's Muslim. He killed Charlie Kirk. And then he wore the big inflatable costumes. You understand. Well, there's a moment here where they go like, you know, they're like, you know, the stated purpose of Islam is that it's not a religion. It's a complete way of life.

And I'm like, that's what a religion is, though. Yeah. Right? That's how... Now do Christianity. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah. They show a bunch of Muslim kids singing a song and the lyrics are really creepy. And I'm like, you guys are constantly singing about being washed in the blood of some Jewish carpenter.

What the fuck are you talking about? You literally drink liquid and say it's his blood going down your throat. Also, podcast listeners bring it in. Don't tell anybody like a third of Jews songs are about how we killed the shit out of you. And be cool. That's in our secret language and you're not allowed to use it. Otherwise, I'm going to send John Federman to your house

and he's going to eat all your eggs. But a third of our songs are about how we kick the shit out of you. And we did. To be fair to us, we fucking got you. Well, you know. Gotcha. It didn't always go that way. But yeah.

There's another expert here in a, I just wanted to point out, a blue shirt and yellow tie. So I don't know if you guys remember, but I always point out experts in blue shirt. shirts and yellow ties. They're not the people who should be teaching us what surreal. And this is a weird thing for me to say, but that man needs to learn how to tie a Windsor. Right? His fucking knot is 15 inches wide. It's silly. It's just silly. Yeah. If that doesn't

squirt water, it is wasted space. You know it does. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. But yeah, then we learned that this guy, Ed, his Iranian friend, they wanted to kill him for turning Christian. It's so good. He tries to see, he's like, there's a fatwa on you, but fatwa's a real and his way has to be like, oh, no, no, those are real and pretty serious. Yeah, I don't have one of those. Just my dad's mad at me.

My dad's mad at me. Oh, okay. Apparently these two, they met at an Islamophobia conference, right? And this is where he starts telling him, like, Ed starts telling him, like, evil shit he was taught to do by the Muslim Brotherhood. Oh, this is that. Kamal guy.

Yeah. Yeah. This didn't make sense. He was like a war child. Yeah. He was the seven-year-old assassin. Yep. Yep.

And then an eight-year-old recruiter. He was taught to flip countries from within. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys ever think about it? Because we go to atheism conferences. Carrie, you don't go because you're cool and famous. But we go.

And there's like, I always think at the Islamophobia conference, do you think they also have the like kind of not nice buffet with the penny al-a vodka? Yeah. And are they like, are they like, oh, you should try. the chicken cordonbleau. It's actually really good. Like I wonder, I want to compare the buffets at our atheism conferences and the Islamophobia conferences. That's what matters to me. Do you? I'm so sorry. I have to bring this up because I just went to his Wikipedia page, Kamal Salim's. Kamal Salim, born 1957, is the pseudonym of a Lebanese American self-claimed former Muslim

terrorist. Yes. Yeah. He is a convert to Christianity and a minister who evangelized. to Muslims. Well, so, and he tells us the story here, because like, they're asking, he's like, how many Muslim terrorist cells did you operate in the United States? And he's like, well, you know, I was under 30. There were 300 of them all together. I'm like, wait, I'm sorry, wait. Even in your lie, you were just the assistant to the regional jihadist.

You have to understand, Abdul was a charmer, right? He was always staying late, came early. I was, I had to my fault. It's about life, work balance. Life terrorism balance. I love the language in the wiki article. They're so careful. It's so good.

He says he blah, blah, blah, blah. He says blah, blah, blah. He claims to have blah, blah, blah, blah. He reportedly also. Yeah, right, right. Susan, Susan, I hear your call. Susan, that's the trumpet. Susan, get in there.

So, yeah, and so then we have this moment where, like, they've got video of this Muslim guy. He went into some shop and yelled at them for selling alcohol and pork because they shouldn't do that. And again, Luckily, no Christian has ever bothered a store. Oh, my God. You're the reason I can't access porn without a fucking VPN, Christianity.

Or buy alcohol on Sundays. Christianity is the reason you couldn't wear a witch costume on Halloween when you managed to domino. Yes. Yeah. And, you know, I'm really, really concerned about how all that alcohol and pork banning is challenging, changing the American landscape. Can't find it. You just can't get any pork anymore because of all the... It's so hard to find.

Who is the lady? There's a lady that came on and I just, I listened to her sentence four times trying to figure my way through it. It was a goddamn labyrinth. Oh, yeah. But Kairon just listed her as grassroots activists. Yeah. Of the people by the people. Yes.

So, okay. So then we shift to talking about Islam's misogyny and I'm like, oh, it's a good thing. Christianity doesn't have any misogy or you'd sound like fucking idiots. Oh, God, I hate this part. They talk about how there are honor killings happening all over Texas. And then they show clips from the same trial, like seven different times. Yeah. Right.

Because it happened like once, which is awful. And like, it was not okay. Absolutely. The guy was brought to justice. But the likelihood of getting honor killed in the United States is about the same as getting struck by lightning and about a thing. third is frequent as like deaths by hot tap water. Yeah.

And how about how many times are women killed by their domestic partners? Now do men killed by their partners or women killed by your partners? Absolutely Christian men killing their fucking partners. Yeah. But guys, guys, now we need to talk about why Heath isn't on this episode. Right? So Heath was originally planned to be on this episode. And then he learned that Muslims are trying to get rid of dogs.

and you couldn't handle it. So he went full radical Islamophob. He is currently on tour. With Chris Berger. With Chris Berger. Yeah. So we will be replacing him. Okay. So this is fun. For those of you who don't know, this

nonsense came from the fact that one lady, when the snow started to melt, one Muslim lady tweeted, there's a lot of dog shit on the street. And Muslims, we don't have dogs because they're gross like that. And everybody was like, The Muslims are trying to kill every puppy by 9-11.

Yep. They're going to try to do a puppy 9-11. And the reason? Because dogs are so American and they hate America. That's what it is. It's like, I try to dig into this a little bit more. And it's like, okay, if you're into like a literal translation of the Quran, you're not supposed to keep a pet dog indoors.

Yes. You're supposed to have like working dogs. so they can hunt, they can guard livestock. And a lot of people, like in the modern era, say, okay, so they can be guide dogs, medical alert dogs, search and rescue. They actually, like, really respect these things. But they just think that, like, animals that can make you sick shouldn't be kept indoors, which is stupid and wrong.

It's not crazy. But, yeah. I mean, it's not crazy. Like, culturally, it doesn't seem that far off. Like, we think it would be insane for somebody to have a, a cow in their house. Right. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, it's just one of those cultural differences. And because we like dogs so damn much, it's an easy one to really mind. And I stand against it. This is my, if I'm not allowed to be hateful in this manner, I'm going to the other side.

I'm letting you guys know. When they come for the dogs. And I know we're running over a little bit on time here. So we can't, we can't talk about everything. But I have to talk about this fucking one moment. Because he's talking to Aziz. And he's like,

he's asking about the dogs. And Aziz tells him, he's like, well, you know, by our tradition, when you're in another country, you behave by that country's culture and that's okay in Islam. And he's like, all right, but what happens when the Muslims become the majority of a non-Muslim

country? And I'm like, I don't know. Let me ask this married bachelor over here. What the fuck are you talking about, man? It becomes a Muslim country then. That's what it fucking means. Is that when he points out all the Muslim countries in the world? Yes.

Yes. the 57 Muslim countries. Yeah, guess how many Christian countries? I don't know. How many Christian countries are there? 120. Oh, that's more. We found the more.

Which is very funny because Chris goes, I don't think there is a Christian brotherhood of countries. And I'm like, there absolutely is a Christian. Yeah, there are 120 Christian majority countries. Yeah. And also, like, the reason that, like, you're aware of that organization and the other is because one is the oppressee and what is the oppressor and they didn't have to gang up in quite the same way.

And then this is where we really. kind of dig in on the fact that they haven't defined the word jihad? Yes. Oh my gosh. Right. Because he's asking, he's asking as easy. He's like, well, you know, would praying be considered jihad? And he's like, oh, yes, yes, absolutely. He's like, well, how about singing?

Would singing be considered jihad? He's like, oh, yeah, absolutely. And he's like, jihad is everywhere. So, and to be clear, jihad just means like struggle or striving. Yes, striving to be the best Muslim you can be. Yeah. Yeah, it's sort of like, I don't know, faith. Like, what would be a Christian?

an equivalent of the word jihad. Like your walk. Yeah, your journey or whatever. Yeah. Or like in the Mormon faith, it would be like holding to the rod. Yeah. It's 100% of that. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's no different. Oh, God. Then they try to like demonize Islam by going like, hey, do you know they used to have slaves? Them Islam's, them Islam used to have slaves. Can you imagine? Hey, guy who started the movie by bragging about being an eighth generation

Texan. And defending the alamo, yeah. Let me do some numbers about how many years back is eight, but I think it's too many to talk about other. My parents left me this plantation. Yes. Yeah, right. And then this is great.

He has his little gotcha moment against disease where he's just like, hey, you know, because he's like to the camera, he's like, you know, Muhammad was a pedophile rapist and a murder. And then he turns to his ease. And he goes, so are Muslims supposed to be just like Mahal? And he's like, yep, and then he shows a beheading video. Yeah, get it? Yeah.

Because of the thing that we think, because we think that is, God, yeah. He admitted to the thoughts in my head. Right. But that leads us to another, like, scary Muslim montage, where he tells us how many active Muslim terrorist organizations there are. And I'm like, I wonder how many Christian ones there are. He points out a lot of these terrorists had, like, once belonged to the Muslim student. association. I'm like, yeah, man, a lot of murderers used to blow into the Burger Kings Kids Club.

What are they hiding? And of course, then he has to come back to the whole premise of the movie and explain that the Muslims are particularly focused on Texas of all places. Yeah. Right. This is where they show the footage of that. There was, I guess, a nightclub in Austin where a guy shot a few people while wearing a property of Allah t-shirt. Yeah, he makes the claim here. the state with the most jihadi attacks in the United States, Texas. I dug deep. I could find no evidence to show that there is any more like Islamic violence in Texas than in the rest of the country. But I did find a bunch of evidence that anti-Muslim rhetoric has spiked.

Yeah. So there's a lot of anti-Muslim bigotry and violence. Yeah. Well, I found a Georgia State University study that showed how like, Muslim attacks get 357% more media coverage than non-Muslim ones. So, yeah. That too. To be fair, when you count the numbers versus how many Muslim attacks versus Christian or

right-wing terrorists there are, they can't cover all of those. And that's like seven or eight of them a day when you can do the math. Well, there's also this crazy fucking moment where it's like, you know, and they attacked the Muslim guy attacked a bar. And why do you attack a bar? Because you're not allowed to carry guns in those. And I'm like, oh my God, dude, are you guys advocating for guns in? bars? There wasn't enough guns to stop the terrorists, which, by the way, the reason why there

are more shooting deaths generally in Texas is because you're allowed to pick your teeth with a gun while your dentist is doing your cleaning. Yeah, that's why I wrote. Seems like maybe the problem in Texas is guns. Maybe that's, maybe that's what's responsible for all the violence. Yeah, men and guns. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, we need to go arm ourselves with guns so that nobody gets shot, but first let me give Act 3 the hard sell. Are they actually advocating for open carry at bars? Hell yeah! Do I also want these men to go to a fucking wild west

saloons recreationally? How the fuck did Kara survive long enough in that state to escape? Find out the answers to these questions and more. We return for the unlampoonable conclusion of remember the Alamo, don't Sharia my Texas. Quick draw. Oh, she beat me. Now she beat me.

You guys heard it. The sky is opening. Praise the Lord. Jesus has returned. Yes, my children. I have returned and I bring the good word of Allah. Sorry, who? I think he said like, chala, like the Jewish bread.

Oh, nice. You know what? I could eat some bread. Yeah, thanks, Jesus. No, no, my children. Allah Most High, the one true God. I bring you. his word and his truth.

Allah like the Muslim one? Yes, the Muslim Allah. You know, I was never that Christian. I've been meaning to read the God delusion. Yeah, I thought it might go like this. You know, I never noticed he was Middle Eastern before. That's great. I just noticed it too.

And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Tommy Robbins telling us about that Ariana Grande concert in Manchester. Yeah. Yeah. He tells us that the guy who did that bombing, he could recite the Quran without looking at it. And I wrote in my notes. I mean, so can I, man. So, yeah, but he's like, he's like, well, you know, the Muslims, they did say that Ariana Grande's music was satanic. And I'm like, oh, it's a good thing. Christians never said popular music was satanic. Jesus, really, guys? Are you really teeing me up every time like this? Have they not seen footloose? Right? We also get one of my favorite conspiracy theories.

So for those of you who aren't in on the deep cuts of crazy Christianity, a big thing right now for Christians is every time there's a church fire, it's part of an international cabal of fire enemies. Yes. So Christians are huge on this. They think every time there's a fire in a church, it is set by someone. Okay. And so the thing where they were like,

over 500 Catholic churches have been assaulted. That's just fires at church they count those. Fucking Father McPadison is like, oh, I dropped a candle and they're like, it was Muslims.

It's fucking, it rules. It's great. And sometimes Jews. What's great is they don't have a consistent narrative about who's lighting the churches on fire. It might be us.

You know, anybody, whatever they want. Yeah. So then there's this amazing moment where Chris challenges Aziz to a miracle off, right?

where he's like, hey, my Savior performed 37 miracle. How many is your guy got? How many did your guy do? I think mine win. I think my guy, and his miracles were bigger, too. His miracles were bigger and girthier, and he lasted longer. Yeah, there's this great moment where he's like, so how come he didn't heal the sick or raise the dead? And Aziz is like, well, you're lying about that.

Why? It's like the Peter Popoff thing. James Randi just proved. How come Jesus doesn't have soft serve ice? cream that came out of his fingers because I made that up just now. I said it. Yeah. And he's like, well, you know, he's like, well, you know, Muhammad did some minor. It's not, there's a hilarious moment from Aziz where he's like, it's, it is admittedly kind of lame compared to Jesus' miracles. I would, but, but he did make like a dish last extra long.

He did, he did do the loaves and fishes bit. They took him somewhere. It turned out it was family style, but it was like really family style, you know, sort of like Patsy. It's nice. It's nice. Yeah. And then there was this long moment of him going like, hey, what were Muhammad's last words? And Aziz is like, I don't think I know. And he's like, were they this? And he's like, oh, no, no, they weren't that. He's like, they were that. They were. I'm the expert. And the U.S. government asks me about Afghanistan. He's like, what did, we read a different biography, I think. Yeah. And then he starts, he's like, you know, I can list. so many different countries that used to be Christian and now they're Muslim.

And first of all, he can't. He lists two and then he runs out, right? He lists Syria and Egypt and then he just kind of sputters to a close. But also, like, Egypt, like famously didn't start Christian. I was going to say, yeah, let's do the countries that used to be pagan and turned Christian. Right. But I guess his argument is that Islam spreads by conquering other places. unlike Christianity, which never did anything.

Unlike Christianity. Emperor Constine, the asker of changes. Hearts and minds, guys. My name's Constantine. I just want to wrap at you real quick about Christ. Let me turn my throne backwards and sit on it this way. All right. Let me tell you, let me tell the Gauls about Christ. Well, you know, and he asks Aziz.

He's like, you know, well, if you're not trying to invade our countries with your, with your Muslimness, why do you keep immigrating to them? He's like, oh, well, because, you know, it's better to be at the place the missiles are coming from than the place the missiles are going to. Ultimately. It feels safer. Yeah. It's a better idea. So, and then Chris has to fill us in on Islam's history of bloody conquest, right?

And again, in my notes, it's a good thing, Christianity doesn't have a history of bloody conquest. But this is where we get the talk of the, I don't know, the tax that Muslims. The jizia. Yeah, the jizia, yeah. which, you know, look, I'm not endorsing the idea of taxing people more based on their religion, but like in those countries, Muslims had to tithe and the tax was basically like that, right? Like you're like making up. No, yeah, that was the argument back then.

It was like if you are, because these were religious majority countries. So it's like if you're not paying a tithing, we need to also be able to like, you know, fix the streets and stuff. Right. Yeah, exactly. That's, yeah, right. that's how you were paying your taxes was to the church. Right. Yeah.

Exactly. But he shows us a bunch of these, please don't count the fingers battle scenes that Grock made for him. There's a lot. Yeah. And luckily Grock has the same idea about Middle Eastern people as the makers of this movie. They are a bunch of identical Middle Eastern men. Let me tell you.

There's like some weird homoerotic stuff going on. There is. Yeah. Very muffly. He definitely went back through and he's like, can you make this sexier? Potter. But then he starts complaining He says,

one of the most beautiful churches in the world was turned into a mosque and I'm like, well, it's probably one of the most beautiful mosques in the world. I'm an atheist, man. That's like a Ruby Tuesdays turning into an apple bees.

I'm not going to notice the fucking difference. No, because when the cheesecake factory menu leaves, that's when it becomes an abomination against his beautiful multi-page goodness. Fucking Ruby Tuesdays. His cake is hurrah. I do feel that, hey, you know what I just discovered about myself, have a moment of radical vulnerability.

I feel about Ruby Tuesdays the way Chris feels about Islam. So that's some for me to check in. I don't think I've ever had a Ruby. What's a Ruby Tuesday? You haven't been there because things in your life are nice. I've been to a cheesecake factory plenty of times. It's a fucking... NBA players get to go to cheesecake factory.

Yeah, Applebee's is the worst. Yeah, it's just that. No, it's way... It's so much worse than Applebee's, and I will, drag our podcast to a whole thing. Wait, can I ask real quick, though? How do we all feel about the Olive Garden? Ah, you know, it's fine.

It's fancy. It's nice if you deserve it. My stomach hurts afterwards, but it's worth it. Me too, but I love O.G. When you're there, your family. It's okay. Unlimited soups out and breadsticks. No, the breadsticks are pretty fucking good.

You got to eat them right away, but they're pretty fucking good. Yeah, no, you don't leave them out there. Amateur shit. So, yeah. Anyway, anyway, back to this incredibly fly insane fucking movie. You know, Chris is explaining to us that the, don't worry, Christians eventually won and saved

Western civilization from the marauding Muslims. With the Crusades. Yep. And then here came the heroic Crusades montage. Sure did. So then we really started, but he's like, and we thought we'd won, but then they immigrated. And that's the same thing.

And so now we move fully into the great replacement. theory. Oh, God. Just a bunch of super racist newscasters just being openly racist. Well, yeah. It's the whole montage. Okay, so like the big thing amongst the racists in the UK is that the number one name for baby boys born in like 2025 in the UK was Muhammad.

And that scared the ever-loving shit out of the bigots. Yeah. They don't have to give any context. They're just like, no. Muhammad. Really? Yes. Come on.

Muhammad. Right. So we get seven or eight fucking minutes of freaking out about that. And that's all there is to say about that. Yeah. Clearly. Clearly. This little segment concludes with the lady going, Britishness doesn't exist anymore. You hear that, Marsh? You are Muslim now. And then

here's the thing, though. The lady who says that is black. Right? So like a hundred fucking years ago, she wouldn't have been included in Britishness either. You know, in the town that Marsh grew up in, she still wouldn't be considered. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah. You know, so like, yeah, no, the idea of Britishness has broadened, man.

That's how this whole fucking thing works. But then they explain how the fucking America's founding fathers fucking hated Islam. I hate this scene. Okay. This scene is great for so many reasons. Who are they going to introduce to tell us about national security? Why? It's Christian.

terrorist Matt Shea. Yep. Osama bin Laden might as well be here to tell us about national security. So Thomas Jefferson quite famously had a Quran that he studied and he was like really impressed with her or whatever. But in their telling, of course, he only had the Quran so that he could hate Muslims better. Yeah. So he could prepare to slaughter them in war. Yes, exactly. But like they left out the part where Thomas Jefferson also rewrote the Bible and took all the bullshit out of it. Yep, took all the miracle of shit out of it.

Yeah. Yeah, you guys want to start talking about fucking Thomas Jefferson's annotations to religious texts, really? Yeah, he would hate these assholes. He is not on your team. Yeah. Yeah, no. And they spent a whole, he said, this is where fucking Chris starts singing the Marine Corrine him to the fucking, to Aziz.

To Aziz. God, poor Aziz. It's so uncomfortable. It feels like a borot scene. He's like, you know, that, you know, that's because all you Muslims was trying to slit their throats. That's why they're called leathernecks. And he's like, fucking what, man? That sounds like an insane lie.

Have you Googled? I'm going to say something that I know is not true. Have you Googled anything you've ever thought in my head? You should do that one time. So, and then, like, this movie's going to get decidedly less fun from here on out, which is, it's got to sound crazy to the listener, right? like, oh, yeah, all the fun it's been up to this point. But because, like, from this point out, we're just going to exploit people who have real tragedies and shit.

Right. Because this is where we go to that Nigerian blogger. You know, and, like, you know, that dude's going through some fucking shit, right? Like, he is. But also, to be fair, you guys, he works for an outlet called Truth Nigeria. That doesn't that sound like a conspiracy nut job site to you? Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. That's what the word truth is for these days.

Yeah. But like as you said, this kid is talking about what it's like to live sort of like in that no man's land between the Christian and Muslim areas of Nigeria and how, like terrified his villages and his families. And Chris says to this guy at one point, he's like, so Nigeria is really to Africa, what Texas is to America. I'm like, dude, how fucking dare you? Could you not make this about you right now? He's like an actual victim of genocide and it would be great.

Yeah. Yeah. And the guy is like being super nice about. it. He's like, yeah, dude, like, you got to be careful or Texas will become Nigeria. And at one point, God, Chris is next level stupid. He says to the guy, can you defend yourselves in Africa? Do y'all have the second amendment? Hey, I don't like to tell people how to live their lives, but you got to head to your local Nigerian Gander Mountain and pick yourself up some home defense weaponry.

Got to do it. Like, I literally, at the beginning of the scene, I was like, who, I'm sure they're going to dig into all of the nuance that this conflict in Nigeria requires. Like he's literally talking about sectarian violence like it's just Muslims hating Christians. Like it has nothing to do with unstable geopolitical regions, which to be fair, if there is a similarity between Texas and Nigeria, it's that Trump is actively destabilizing the U.S. Yeah, right.

You can see roving bands of child soldiers in the next couple of years. We should consider that. Oh, my God. So there's also this amazing moment where he says to the blogger kid. He goes like, hey, are you putting your life in danger by being in this movie? And the guy's, like, nobody's going to watch your stupid fucking movie. I'm in danger. I'm just already in danger.

I'm in danger. I'm in Nigeria. Help me. Hey, what if you didn't make this movie and then you gave me those resources so that I wouldn't die? I don't know how much the AI credits were. Then you would have helped one person in your own. life. Yeah. But yeah, so he talks all about how, you know, Muslims will kill you and eat. You don't let their nice demeanor fool you. Yeah, they, because Christians taste like

chicken. Yes. Yeah, they look at them just like they look at chickens. And then he talks about this, this massacre on Palm Sunday. And I'm just like, hey, like, yes, clearly fucking awful. But to be clear, like, the DRC is 95% Christian. And I feel like we could find some pretty fucked up video there two. Yeah. I think so. This is a post-colonial problem, not a fucking Muslim problem. Yeah, this is a sectarian violence problem because there's no, like, faith in specific governmental groups. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's what happens when there is not like an organized democratic rule where people generally agree that their vote counts and that they are going to be cared for. Yeah. I was going to say, Sometimes you're in a place where you don't,

there is no democratic consensus and your vote doesn't count. And we don't kill each other. True. Yeah, but there is this general idea that like, okay, they're good and they're bad, but ultimately we all have the same general values. Yeah, right. Yeah.

And we're chipping away at that too. Yeah, it's pretty terrifying. This documentary, I said that air quotes, is about to get real good. Is it? It is. My favorite character comes up. Oh, who's that?

In this scene. Patriot Street Fighter. Oh, Patriot Street Fighter. So that was my best worst. That is actually how they identify this man in his Kairon. It says Patriot Street Fighter. And as if that's not funny enough, the second time we see him on,

he will have a holstered throwing axe over one shoulder. Just so in case anybody wonders if he's a deadly weapon. You do it. Anybody wanted to know what his signature weapon. in his street fighting was, yes. I bet I could get Patriot Street Fighter to fight me. And look, I know my body and I know I would lose, but there's no funnier thing I could do than be killed by the Patriot Street Fighter.

That would be pretty goddamn funny. I would bet good money that you could get Patriot Street Fighter on this podcast in the next five minutes. I can't promise you anything more firmly than I can promise you the attention horse who made this movie. are desper. Nine people bought this on Salem now, the only place you can buy this fucking movie. And us, and I'm eight of them. We're nine of them.

Yeah. We're your audience, Chris. Your next movie should be like, bald with a beard is sexy. Yeah, obviously. You don't need to color in your Texas tattoo. So what is, at this point, we're learning all about the Islamist Marxist movement?

Can someone explain that to me? right. This whole fucking Marxism equals Islam has a very, we've always been war at war with East Asia through the whole fucking documentary field to it. Doesn't it? They start talking about like, well, you know, it's not just the Muslims. It's Marxist Muslims. I'm like, really, Marxist Muslims? There's no contradiction there to you at all between those two things. And just as you're just going, like, oh, I'm sorry, are we all the way insane now? You get this actual line from one of their talking That's one of the preachers. He goes, well, now you're talking about the deep state global cabal players that are controlling these people.

Yep. Can you leave that in? Is this the guy who's like, I asked Chabibibib if Islam was bad and he said no. So that's how I know Steve Jobs made it to turn Peter Thiel gay. See, yes. Yeah, he asked Chabit if Islam was evil and it said no. so you can't trust them damn computers. Can't trust no computer bears.

I'll tell you that right, man. Eli has to keep making all the thumbnails on Canva himself. So then we go back to, we go back to interview with Aziz. And he asked, Chris asks him, how old Aisha was when Maham married her? Why do we have to have this scene? Again, I would love it if Aziz would say,

hey, how old was Mary when Jesus would, got impregnated her. Remind me. But don't they also believe in that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're two for a lot.

Yeah, religion bad. We have this fucking child marriage montage at this point, right? Which is absolutely disgusting and horrendous. But like also in America, everywhere that has ever tried to fucking outlaw child marriage has gotten pushback from Christians. Yep. Right? Everywhere that it is legal in America, it is legal because Christians.

Christians have stood in the way of active fucking efforts to make it illegal. Yeah. And all the places where children are actively trafficked, like out in the open, are like weird fundy settlements all over this country. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Wait, is this the scene with that insane guy who was talking about how he bought 60 human beings in a legal market?

Yeah. In Sudan. He was in a human market. Which you, and I get it. I get it. You go to one of those cute little shops and it turns out it's like part of. And you think you're only going to get two guys, but then you get to the register and there's 58 guys. And you're like, oh my God, I really need these other 58 guys.

And they have Oreo fins as well. And you're like, well, that's like a diet version. That's like the Diet Coke version of an Oreo. So you get a brunch and eat them. You buy 60 slaves at the slave market that you're at. Oh, God. Yeah. He's like, I have actually been in a human market.

I'm like, no, you fucking have. Yeah, he said, I purchased 60 human beings. He said, I'm like, no, you didn't. And he says, and then I took them over the border and I said him free. And I'm like, oh, did you spend the rest of your life raising more money so you can do that for more of them or no? They, it was a one time. You don't. It was a pop-up human market.

They only, and then the following week, they did a food truck thing. It's like, it's like, it's like, they only open. And it was so. overpriced. It was like a tiny little chip. They did Korean sauce on the hot dog. I didn't like that. I don't like it when they knew that. But hey, in case you're in danger of not

taking seriously enough, we see a clip here of him getting interviewed by Alex Jones. So, you know, he's got the importer of fucking Alex fucking Jones here. Oh, yeah. Is this the part where they say that because there are male belly dancers, there's also rampant homosexuality?

Yeah, Muslims are super gay. I was confused by this. they talking about this to make the argument that there's more freedom or the argument that they're more immoral? Yeah, definitely more immoral, right? Just throwing shit at the wall. Literally just like, they buy people and they also are gay. Well, so that, yeah, well, I honestly think that that's there because they realize that some percentage of their intended audience is sitting there this whole time going like, yeah, but you know, they really hate gay people. really hate gay people too.

Right? And then he's like, no, no. Actually, they make little boys dance for them. So. Gotcha. No, I hate that. Never mind. Yeah. All right.

Well, in that case. Okay. I didn't realize there was going to be dance. Yeah. And then, yeah, we have fucking Christa Christian with the audacity to give a Zee's shit for his religion being sexist. Well, this is the beginning of the end of this movie for me. This is where everything just starts to go really down. Is this where the guys ranking the crimes?

Right. they're like, yeah. I mean, look, if you get murdered, you're dead, but rape is the, okay, wait, no, if they rape you. If your arm gets cut off, there's actually a moment, there's genuinely a fucking moment where he's going like, look, if you're murdered,

it's over, but if you raped, it's the worst thing. Because if you're maimed, at least you'll recover. Well, you might, well, not if you get your arm or your leg cut off. It's actually that fucking moment. Unless you have a house better than a flush. I can't. I've got to pull out for a cheek sheet.

Can we play one open hand of witch crimes and then I'll know? Let's do a practice turn. Let's do practice. This game doesn't count. This crime doesn't count. And so, and then we have like, and this is like 15 or 18 minutes of the movie, right? And we're going to go through it fairly. We're not going to make you suffer.

I've got a lot of jokes, guys. Get ready. Here comes Chuck Lothnick. Yeah, because one of their talking heads is a woman who was gang raped while reporting in Egypt. And this is a very well-documented thing. And it's terrible and it's this horrible tragedy. And we are going to spend 17 fucking minutes of the movie going,

it's because they were Muslim. It's so uncomfortable. Literally, here's some of the claims, Muslims have no impulse control. Do these men not hear themselves talking? At one point, they say, in so much of Europe, it's not safe for young girls to walk because of the rape games. And I'm like, how were your frat parties in college, bro?

The women in your country emphatically chose the bear. Yes. Right? We've been through this. Like, we know, go just survey women and ask them how safe it feels to walk by themselves on the street anywhere. Yeah. Absolutely. And we hear this just horrible fucking story.

And he really drills down into it. And there's even a fucking moment, because we're talking to her and her husband. And there's even a fucking moment where like the husband is like, well, now let's not forget how hard her rape was on me. Yeah. They even come back to her. He's like, he's like, you know, he says to, Chris says to the, to Laura, while he's talking to her about it, he's like, you know, it was really hard on your husband too. And she starts making jokes about fucking why. Yeah.

I was the one who was fucking raped. I'm kidding. He was at home. Yeah. Safe. Jesus Christ. But they're all like, you know, like, can you believe this country that would allow men to get away with rape? And I'm just like, hey, weren't you guys defend?

and that kid for raping that chick because he had good swim times? Like, wasn't that you? Yeah. Who'd you vote for for president? Yes, right. He's in the Supreme Court right now. Yeah, right.

Right. Yes, absolutely. Okay, but I do want to talk about the only funny thing about this montage, right? He was an incredibly tragic, awful story. Right? Really uncomfortable. But Chris's brand is Texas.

So at the end of this incredibly tragic, like horrible experience, he goes, do you think, do you think you made it through that because of Texas? He totally does. He says, it's really about being a Texan, isn't it? She's like, yeah, okay. This would be like if someone demanded that I eulogize Noah by being like, well, if you enjoyed people who created your career and guided. I would not, don't make me do.

I want to do my catchphrase right now. I am changing my will as we should. That's why you die first, kids. That's why you die first. There you go. So then we watch Chris and Aziz wrapping up their interview. And Aziz is just very kind of trying to as politely as possible say, wow, I sure wish I hadn't done this.

This sucked and you suck. Yeah. Yeah, I can tell this movie's about to be over. And this is where I write that you guys owe me hazard pay for this one. Yes. Because this felt personal. I really genuinely do. This was rough.

Intentional. All of these talking heads are given their one last pitch to motivate us to go, fuck it. I don't spray paint slurs on mosques. I don't know what they're after. Well, this is what they're after. This whole movie is a marketing film for the Allied Citizens Protection Service. Yeah.

This is their organization where I guess they have seminars. Yeah. Is that what they are? And they teach you to be armed and be armed. beyond the ready. Defend yourself against the encroachment of Shereal. Guys, I so want to hire them and just put all of like us in the fucking room

and make them think it's a, oh, that could have been so fun. And then we end it with a fight between me and the Patriot Street Fighter on the White House lawn. He calls, his call to action here towards the end of the movie is, go walk your dog where there's more he jabs than cowboy hats.

Yep. That's literally a fucking line. Let's all draw Mohammed. If we all draw Muhammad, they can't kill all of us. Oh, yeah, he says that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And then it comes up and it says, what do you do next? And then the fucking movie comes up with the title screen that says stand, pray, pledge. And they have like a pledge of not shariaing our Texas. We're supposed to stand up. Did you guys do it? Do you guys do the pledge that it asked you do? I stood up and did the pledge. I did the little pledge that they wrote for me.

I also love at the end they're doing a montage of like everyone's supposed to say don't sharia my Texas and nobody wants to do it but nobody is worse at it than Michael Flynn for some reason. We just keep the take where Michael Flynn's like don't what? Whatever. Where's my check from Vlad? I'm a known and convicted traitor. Oh my God. And then and like just when we thought we had made it out, the movie ends with this. fucking racist AI

Slop music video where the refrain Just go home. Just go home. Just go home. Just go back to where you came from. Ah. And Plano is all over

this AI slot. Yes. The cartoon Armadillo telling us to go home. No. No. No. I know we've got a head on out.

I know we're getting close to the end here. I would like to talk about the fact that the AI slop do save the homosexuals. gentleman from the Islamic terrorists. The gay man and the rainbow suspenders. Yeah, the rainbow gay men.

I wonder if Chris approved of that. I wonder if Chris was like, well, I don't want him to. Chris didn't know how to edit it. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. Like, rock, you're supposed to. God damn. I can't have all the racisms that I want in it.

Damn it. Yeah. But that's the end of it. The end of it is a AI slop music video where longhorns are pushing Arabic gentlemen onto boats to send them back to, you know, where they come from. To a chorus of Just Go Home with a cartoon, with a fucking Pixar-esque cartoon Armadillo and a chicken as their companions. Yep.

And then the last screen of the whole movie is just a title card with an ad for his church. Yeah. Well, because it's, because look, you don't have to go home if you turn Christmas. Yes, right. You could also just change. Like all his brown friends. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, we made it through an absolute bigotry gauntlet this week. Kara, thank you so much. Yeah, I never get the you're welcome. I never do and I never expect it, but I throw it out there anyway. And just a reminder to

the listeners that you can find more of Kara on Talk Nerdy, which you'll find linked in the show notes. I'd say that you owe it to her after what she's been through for you, but it's yourself that you'd be doing in favor there. And while that does it for our review of don't Sharia, my Texas, that's that I can do it for the episode just yet. we still need to fail to learn this lesson again. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. After genetic experimentation during the Holocaust gave her great-grandmother great strength

that was passed down through generations, Hope Silverstein embraced her powers and destiny as she fights to keep her loved ones and her city safe. We'll be watching Operation Hope. Wait, sorry, we have a fucking religious superhero movie and we didn't inflict it on Kara. That's nuts. That's crazy.

Thank you. Hey, there's one. So with that, we're going to bring up. Morgan Keep at that. 474 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Kara and a reminder to check the show notes

if you haven't already. Also, an equally huge thanks to all the Patreon and owners that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. Godoff on there by your early access

to an ad-free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure check out our sibling shows. the scathing atheist citation needed D&D minus and the Skeprograt available wherever

podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, G2Modafel movies at gmail.com. Tim Robertson handles our social media, as does Lily Bosnick. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatnik of Evil Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick.

I'm no illusions. Promise to work hard to earn another check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the American graffiti clothes. Patriot Street Fighter Scott McKay. described by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a, quote, QAnon Conspiracist and Tactical Civics member, who has co-opted anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, said that, quote,

the Nazis won the war, and that, quote, Mars has been colonized since after World War II. There are millions of Americans that live on Mars. Wow. Texas went on to have a, Democratic Senator. Kara did so come back on the podcast ever again.

We'll see. We need to get Scott McKay on Be Reasonable. Yes. Put him together with Marsh. Oh, that would be fun. That would be so good. And we've added a clap now, Kara, for video purposes. One, two, three, clap.

Didn't need me to do that, but I did. It's just sweet dance. But you know. We're just one technology away from, like, for some reason, when we all get into the metaverse, which is going to take off any second now, it's going to require like a shimmy for some reason. And then our podcast will just, every episode will begin with a dance.

Yeah, well, just do, once we're here anyway, we'll just have. Yeah, exactly. It turns out that's how you. It turns out that's how you have to balance the medic cameras for some reason. So I can get the 60. All right. I'm your host, No Illusions. And sitting 700 miles is not my good friend Heath Enright.

He's not on, he's not on this show. Why the fuck do I have that in there? Whoops. I was about to say, well, really hitting it home this week? Yeah, where the fuck is he? How come he's never on the fucking show? Fuck. Sorry, y'all, one second.

Lazy piece of shit. I didn't, I didn't enter, I didn't intro carry. either. Jesus. And yes, Kara, I will admit, it's because it never

occurred to us that would they just belong right there until you pointed to know. Yep. Yep. She can't see our

telepronger version. I know, but you put it on the regular version. Yeah. Oh, you do. Oh. So,

Eli, I wasn't gonna, but then I was like, what a dick move would it be to have them correct in our version but not Keras? Well,

you did put your version in the folder. So now I'm in your version. Oh, okay. All right. Fuckers. That's the difference between you and me. If Kara was right about it, and I'm sure she has been, and I was wrong, I would never admit.

I would create a separate Google Drive before I would admit. I'd be operating our scripts off a typewriter. I'm mostly just admitting you were wrong. You're the one who put it. Yeah, that's true. That's fair. Interstitial one. So my God, honestly, so we've been doing that bit, Kara, since we started doing the show, right?

Like that's like the whole like plug in black people. Yeah right. Yeah. And we've been doing that bit and like it just doesn't fucking work anymore. It because they'd be like, no, no, I get it. That sounds good to me. Yeah, that works. That's the alternate title.

That's so fucking sad. All right. Did you see Eli that I changed your. Punch me in the throat? Yes, I appreciate it. Yeah. Also I'm I'm never going to say karate chop. Okay.

Because you can't reveal your karate skills. I'm not, I'm not going to say karate. I get it. They would see. They would recognize your skills. I honestly, I was wondering if it was because she wanted to make it clear that, no, like, I'm going to go straight. I'm going to punch you in. Yeah, people survive karate chops.

Right. Yeah. This content is canned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm to their hotline at 617-249-4-255 or on their website at creator-accountabilitynetwork.org. This podcast is a production of Puzzle and a Thundersstorm LLC and was created without the use of generative AI. Its contents may not be used for AI training. Copyright 2026. All rights reserved.