God Awful Movies - 576: Run Hide Fight: Infidels

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

We're joined by THE THINKING ATHEIST Seth Andrews to review the Daily Wire propaganda nonsense of Run Hide Fight: Infidels.Check out more from Seth here: https://www.thethinkingatheist.com/If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawfulCheck out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus.Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/

in case it'll come in handy to have a sword in his room later? Well, the idea of a right-winger sticking a phallic object in a couch for me, I just had a little deja-boo. Right on the nose. By the way, his sword was extremely straight. It was a very heterosection. It was. American sword.

Producers, very, very, very good. sword selection. Yeah. On that. God awful movie. Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema, or they'll take away my podcaster's license.

I'm your host, No Illusions, and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend, Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back. It's Ben Shapiro Day. I'm very excited. It is. A lot to get excited about there, but not too excited because that would be a disease. Now, Eli is off this week, but we're excited to welcome back.

The only guest masochist have multiple inaugural appearances on the show. He's the host of the Thinking Atheist podcast, and his voice is so sexy. The MPAA puts black bars over his wave files. He is Seth. Andrews, Seth. Welcome back. I'm putting that on a business card. I'm putting that on all of my marketing materials.

By the way, beyond Ben Shapiro, thank you for giving me an over two-hour fucking movie. It couldn't be 85 minutes. No, it couldn't be 95 minutes. It was two hours, and I just thought to myself, I really think you guys are sadists. You were literally, you were chortling to yourselves when you gave me my homework. But also masochists, though, right? Because we also watch it.

Think about how easy it would have been to cut this movie down to 90 minutes. Think about how many superfluous plotlines we had. What the fuck is the pregnant lady even doing in this film? No kidding. I ran it at 1.125, so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, there's that. Speed.

So tell us, Heath, what specifically did you run at 1.25? We watched Run Hyde Fight infidels, a standalone sequel to Run Hide Fight, whatever that other one was. It's the story of Ben Shapiro, honing the libs with and sploishing moderate vaginas with, of course, his facts and his logic. I hate the sound of that guy. voice. I know he's not actually. I know he's got an

analog in the film, but just when I hear him behind a lecture podium and he's offering his hashtag wisdom to the masses, and I think, dear God, what's the, I cannot stand. It is literally the weed wacker of vocal courts every time my genitals leap inside of me

when I hear his voice and desiccates entirely. You and me both, man. And so, Seth, how bad was this movie? Well, I mean, I don't know if I can put a punctuation mark on it, but knowing that it was a Ben Shapiro film that involved members of the special forces, I felt like it was a missed opportunity not to call it Squeal Team Six.

I really thought that was a missed opportunity, but it was bad. It was pretty bad. Yeah. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best, it being the worst out? Yeah, I'm going to go with best, worst nuance. And that's the whole thing that the movie wants to be doing. that's Ben Shapiro's whole thing in his head.

It's supposed to be like, oh, we're just, you know, asking reasonable questions. We just want to have an open dialogue about whatever, nuanced perspective. And then every single character in the entire movie is a ridiculous caricature. It's like a political cartoon as a flip book, The Movie. It's so ridiculous. Yeah. Well, and I might, I guess, is kind of a subset of yours. I was going to go with best, worst, liberal cucks.

my God, every time they have to show like a liberal on screen, I was just ecstatic. It was a fucking delight. I particularly love blue-haired Vera, but they were all loved. I particularly enjoyed the wrestler with the cape. We'll get to it. There's a wrestler with the Cape from the Antifa Army or whatever they think they're portraying. I think for me, I think it's the best, worst film produced by a guy who, who's never served in the armed forces.

Who is making a... I mean, Ben Shapiro has never fired anything except for maybe half the staff of the daily wire. That's the only thing he's fired in his entire life. So I feel like this was a military fantasy of his. Every time a trigger was pulled or a squib exploded or a throat was slashed. I felt like this was Ben Shapiro's video game experience.

You know, his way to vicariously feel like an American... hero thing. I never get to do any dive rolls. I'm going to put him to put him to move. Wasn't he the one that went to Home Depot and bought one piece of wood and put it in a bag? Yeah. God. Yeah, and that guy's going to tell

us about how much ass he kicks. Okay. That's right. And then did he burn it? He was like mad at Home Depot, so he bought one piece of their wood and gave them money for it and then burned it outside. No, I think he liked it. I think he was supporting them. I can't even remember the detail. Oh, he was so on brand.

We live in a country right now. We're Maga is mad at cheese. Yeah. I'm sorry. So, I mean, I didn't see it in the film, but they could have made Muslims and cheese into this movie. That's probably run, hide, fight cheese is probably going to be the third in the trilogy. Coming soon to a theater near you.

All right. Well, we've probably got some gay liberal things to do right now or something. So we're going to take a quick break. So gay. In liberal, it's crazy. Liboning that is. Run, hide. Fight Infidels.

All right, everyone. Welcome to the first writer's room meeting for the Daily Wire Production Run, Hide, Fight, Infidels. Woo! So, okay, so this meeting is just kind of a brainstorming session. So just, you know, just shout out some ideas. What do you guys want to see on screen? Bigotry. Bigotry.

Bigotry. Bigotry. I said bigotry right away. Bigot tree. Guys. Yes. Come on. We've been over this.

I mean, I love the enthusiasm, but we can't all just. say bigotry. We need more specificity. So let's try this again. Racism. I have to say anti-Muslim bigotry. Anti-Muslim bigotry. Yep, yep. That's good. Homophobia? Transphobia also. Sexism. Okay. Yeah. Oh, anti-Korean discrimination. Anti-Korea. We hate that. That's a good one. Fat phobia. Yeah, no wrong answers. No wrong answers.

Yeah. Did we already say homophobia? Yep, no, we did say that one. Now, is there a specific bigotry against Egyptians? There is now. Great call, man. Yeah, no, I don't like Egyptians. General xenophobia also. All right, all right, excellent. Hey, guys, I wrote all those down, and I'm pretty sure that's the script right there.

Oh, you think? As rarely as possible. Nice. This episode is sponsored by better help. Hey listeners, does your day-to-day routine ever get you down? Does watching movies filled with bigotry and weaponized stupidity ever leave you feeling a little depressed? Oh, I feel like we should be aiming a little more broadly. Do the requirements of your job ever lead you to question all your life choices and wish you'd made those choices better?

Well done. Because of Ben Shapiro? Close enough, that's general. Well, we believe that better is a feeling defined by you. And for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global, emotional well-being. With thousands of therapists and millions of members and over 100 crunchies, it's progress. Man, after watching this movie, I could really use a therapist. Well, consider BetterHelp. Sign up now and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash awful.

That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash awful. Okay. What if I don't like my therapist? No worries. You can switch therapists at any time. All right. Thanks, Noah. perhaps it'll wash the echo of this terrible movie out of my mind.

I, we can hope, man. You can hope. And we're back for the breakdown. We're going to open up on two soldiers in Somalia. This is Sergeant Jonathan Majors, fine and work. Sweet casting. Yeah. Good start.

Good start. Cold open on the guy who's got a whole bunch of terrible allegations going. Yeah. And they also go straight to like, what do we think about war crimes? We're not sure because that's the conversation. Hey, why don't we just kill all the Muslims? And if we killed all the Muslims, that would solve so many problems, right?

But Sergeant Majors, I don't think he was a sergeant. But anyway, Sergeant Majors tells his subordinate, like, no, we have to go in there and arrest him because we have to, like, respect liberal values or some gay shit. And then they go in to this, like, Somalian target. I guess this is supposed to be the head of ISIS. I don't know. I think, too, them it's all the same. same like every cell is the cell so no matter what apartment or house or you know shack they break into you know this is the key yeah this is going to break down the system right well they they have to

keep believing that for any of their strategies to make any goddamn sense right there has to be one guy that you can take out yeah but of course this is where we see like his partner gets distracted by there's by a kid and you know facts don't care about your feelings so well he's distracted, a bad guy shoots him in the head. And like Sergeant Majors looks over him, all sad. He's got like a picture of his family that he can cry over. Yeah, he's sad about a guy with a family getting killed. And like the camera might as well start panning over to the other dead people in this building. No, no, no, no, no, no, like a Christian guy. The white one. The guys, guys. I want to be clear. I have tactical questions. All right. So they bust in and there's the people they execute immediately

are holding playing cards. They're playing cards at a table. They immediately get a bullet to the head and chest. But then the guy who walks in screaming, Alahu Akbar, waving a pistol, that's the one where the sergeant's like, get on your knees and put your hands in the air. You have the right to remain silent.

We've got a target priority problem here, I think. Do you want an attorney? We did kill those guys with the... They could have been like Gambit. You know, the Gambit. guy, he throws the cards like that would be aggressively reached for cards. If you ever watch Dude Perfect, man, they can slice a fucking watermelon with those things. I can't let that go.

What's Dude Perfect? I'm sorry. Check them out on YouTube. They do just like really cool little tricks that take four million. Keep going. Like crazy basketball shots like out of airplanes and shit once they got some budget. Yeah. All the stuff that Heath and I were trying to talk our company into doing and they were telling

us there would never be any money in it. All right. Got it. So, okay. So now we jump ahead seven years later. and we're at a college, because I guess they've run out of their soldier budget. And we're going to start the college thing off with this guy, Ibrahim, meeting with his new boss.

He's being hired as a janitor at the college. And Sue the, like, I don't know, HR lady or whatever, is being, like, overly friendly to him because she's a liberal cuck. And she's just trying to be as nice as possible to the Muslim. I don't think I'm stretching when I, to associate Muslims with trash seems very on brand. for MAGA. I mean, maybe I'm stretching that, you know, but he's the guy who's, you know, he's changing out the garbage and he's doing the menial tasks and he's sort of, I mean, I just, I thought,

well, is that overt? Is it subtext or was it an accident? I don't know, but I'm suspicious. Well, and the thing is that, like, if it was one thing, right, we'd be, we would be like, well, obviously, that's just a coincidence. But if it's 48 things as it is in this film, yeah. So, yeah, and there's this moment where he's like, oh, I love America. much. And he's got his fingers crossed or whatever. And she's like, oh, I don't love America

very much at all. Right. So now we don't care when she dies as an audience. She goes to shake his hand, but he can't shake her hand because, you know, she lacks a penis. And then there's this amazing the subtlety that Heath was talking about up front. As he walks out, he pulls out a knife and cuts down the American flag. So silly. He's like in the middle of a quad. There's everybody going. I wanted somebody to be like, hey, I saw you do that. Did you cut down our flag, ma'am? And then a bunch of woke students are like, sh, bigot, safe space. Right, right.

It's so silly. I think, too, beyond the fact that apparently they have chosen the only university campus in the United States that has not one security camera on any of its exterior spaces. Like, no one saw the flag on the ground and the rope cut and thought, hey, let's go back and scroll 20 minutes earlier on the timeline to find out who doesn't. on it. No, there's none of that. But he's got that curved. It's not a scimitar sword or whatever, but he's got the curved Arab knife. Yes. Yeah. He's got like the sword of Damascus from Mitsurugi. It's so silly. Yeah. Mini sword. It's a mini, it's a mini ISIS weapon that he just happens to have on him and he slices, the American flag. And this will not be the silliest sword in the movie. Just not. Not even close. So yeah, not only does he cut down the American flag, but he

Cults it down Islamically. And everybody understood that adverb in the director's notes. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So then we get our title, run, hide, fight, infidels. And we're in a class where they're discussing the Tower of Babel. And I think that honestly, that's there to tell us that, like, hey, God meant for us to be separated. Right? Like, there's no other reason why we would, because it spends a lot of time on this teacher telling us about the Tower of Babel and how, oh, look,

you can see the tower is leaning left and all this shit. And I think that's what that was there to reinforce. Oh, how so leaning left. I see what they did. Yeah. So the arrogance of humankind caused the divisions between us and what all of those divisions cannot be equal in nature. So there must be God's people and then everybody else in rebellion.

I hadn't made that connection, but yeah, it's pretty astute. But the important thing that we're going to do here is we're going to meet three of our main characters in this class. we're going to meet Devlin, who I had down as poor man's John Snow until they gave him a name. And his love interest, Lizzie, who will have no character except Devlin's love interest throughout. And also his Korean friend, Kwan, who will have no personality other than Korean friend Kuan. Korean American is a personality. He does everything in the movie, Korean-Americanly. And he knows what it means.

Yeah. So we see them at class. And then we're going to go meet the fucking Ben Shapiro analog of the film, PJ. Oh, yeah. Okay. So, yes, definitely a Ben Shapiro analog. But for me, he was James Lindsay throughout the movie. Okay.

Because immediately he kind of looks like James Lindsay, honest, like a young James Lindsay. From what I remember seeing a picture of James Lindsay one time. I don't know. But you know what? It's because I remember the video of James Lindsay doing his giant samurai. Cata that Eli sent us. So that's how I have the face of my head. And this character will be doing a samurai sword Cata right away. First thing. Yep. We meet him. He's playing a battle royale video game where he's like leading his troops on a raid or whatever. And then he stands up to give him a rousing speech.

And as he does it, he like, he's swinging around this sword that he happens to have in case it'll come in handy to have a sword in his room later. Well, the idea of a right winger sticking a ballic object in a couch for me. I just had a little deja vu. Right on the nose. By the way, his sword was extremely straight. It was a very heterosexical. It was.

American sword. Producers, very, very, very good sword selection. Yeah. On that. So, and then he looks downstairs and he sees this protest going on. Now, honestly, I feel like this is a B.Y.O. cause protest, right? Because it seems like they're just all chanting different and unrelated slogans. Yeah. I saw signs that said free Palestine. Okay. Ice out. Okay. And there was one that said, we disagree. I'm pretty sure.

It's just like, okay. Just, you know, sometimes you don't want to keep making new science for every fucking protest. Yeah. No, it's versatile. Awesome. Awesome. So, okay. And then, so we paned down to the protest where we're going to meet Vera, the blue-haired liberal girl. And she's all anti-genocide, like some kind of sissy.

Yeah. And she's doing a news interview. At first, it's just with one person. But then we realized that like every news outlet everywhere is like waiting to talk to this one girl because she's the head of the entire press. Antifa or whatever. Yeah. After the White House kicked him out, they went straight to this fucking protest, apparently. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm struck by the portrayal of the woke left, et cetera, as just being so utterly joyless. Yeah. These are the most pathetic, sad, rudderless, miserable people on the planet. All they have is grievance and America hatred. And I guess that's why all the other causes are ancillary, right? Because the overall protest is we want to burn America. her to the ground and I guess support Hamas and ISIS, I guess, is what they think.

Which is so stupid. We're the side that has all the sex. Like, how the fuck are we the unhappy ones? It's not realistic at all. I was a very progressive person at college and we, you know, didn't like America. And we just did a bunch of drugs too. It was super fun and happy. So I love this moment, too, because she's like explaining to the news what she wants

out of her protest, right? And she says she wants the college to stop supporting Israel, not sure if they're like sending letters of encouragement or what's going on. They want ice out, out of where, pretty much everywhere. But also they want the team, the sports team for the college to be changed, to change their name from the Saints to something, quote, less triggering, right? Because they hate Christianity, too. Oh, that was because Saints, I didn't even know that.

Make that connection. Wow. Yeah, she gives her big, woke speech. And she's like, well, wait, one more demand. Somebody whispers in her ear like one of her compatriots, her number two at Antifa whispers in her here. She's like, one more demand. No grades.

I don't want. No test day. We're too triggered to have grades right now because of all of this. Also, class has to be outside. Sorry, two more demands. I think ICE had already visited the protest because I didn't see any brown leaves falling from the trees. Like everything brown had to go.

Yes, absolutely. Except for the security guard, right? Terence, the security guard. Because we learned here that there's supposed to be a fall festival. happening right in this area and they're like occupying the quad. Autumn is colonialist. And everybody's like, really getting in the way, everything.

So Terrence, the black security guard comes up to start setting up barricades for the fair. And they're throwing down his barricades and yelling at him, calling him an Uncle Tom, because the liberals are the real racists, guys. Those are the real racists. We watch a white student yell Uncle Tom at a black security guard. There was a chance for this movie to like, do something. something they could like show the woke's arguing here in like oh hold on wait wait we have conflicting stuff here but it's the daily wire so they have no shot of like yeah doing anything well

having a moment of humor nothing was anyone else obsessed with the protester who apparently home knitted their own kind of like i love hamas terrorist hood mint green I was obsessed with it. She spent a lot of time in that. I did. I did. I barely got me asleep. So meanwhile, we've got Devlin and his and Kwan, his buddy. They're plotting how to brew their own, like they're making their own whiskey on campus, I guess, is their thing.

But Devlin races ahead. He wants to talk to the love interest, Lizzie, and introduce himself. So we have the dumbest fucking meat cute, right? Oh, this sucked. He's just like, meet me cutely right. now and she's like, please don't. Please don't speak to me. And that was crazy what you said specifically. It's like clearly what like people who have never flirted with a girl think that would be like. Right. Like this is like, oh, I bet you would just, if you were like the kind of guy that could talk to girls,

you would probably say this, right? So we just have that conversation for like three or four minutes as she walks to the to the campus bookstore, I guess. Yeah. Doesn't Dev, right? This is Devlin flirting with her and he's like after talking to her for a bit after she tells him to go away a few times he's still talking and he's like men should be able to approach women and i was like yeah you're you're fucking doing it right now that's what that's what you're doing right now and then yeah he finally leaves you're annoying his home i found it ironic that i'm sure the casting director i mean they did DEI on this right they want to make sure we're covered so we need this demographic this demographic this demographic, across the color and gender spectrum, blah, blah, blah.

They are on the good guy's side, right? And I really feel like there's a little bit of irony going on there. But what's really fascinating is that Christian films and conservative right-leaning films, these sort of moral majority-type movies, they have to draw that balance between we want them, we want our actors hot, but not hot, hot, right? We want them to be attractive. We want you to look at them, but we don't want you to lust. Right.

Maybe you can lust, but don't overtly lust. And there's this weird balance. And all of the actors for me or most of them resembled somebody, even if I couldn't place it, that I've seen in an A-list movie. It's like, like, Timo somebody, right? Like they found the kind of the poser or someone who vaguely resembled. Yep. And a lot of those I couldn't place, but I guess that's common. Maybe they find what's pop culture is made popular, and then they go find somebody who recalls that in the viewer mind.

You guys would know better than me. Yeah, right. It does not have to worry about ever being in another film. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, it's not central casting. It's far right casting. Yeah, right, yeah. So, okay, so she goes into the campus bookstore.

We established that her dad is on the cover of every magazine that there is. So he's pretty important. That'll come back. And then as she's looking at that, she gets a phone call where she's like, Dad, you're on every magazine. I'm so impressed with how important you obviously are. And he's like, yeah, I saw. I'm watching the movie too. Jesus Christ.

Okay. So then we cut back to the protest where the jaded news reporters are telling, this is where we meet Avery, the college news reporter. And she's on the conservative side. She's one of the good ones, right? So she's trying to explain to these protesters how pointless everything that they're doing is. and then this is when PJ comes in and like destroys the liberals with his facts and logic. Oh, yes. This is our first poning with facts and logic. This is our for sure Ben Shapiro inspired character who looks like James Lindsay. He comes in and he's like, hey, just so everybody knows, there's no Jewish people in Palestine. So technically Palestine is an apartheid state. And I was like, well, no, you can't really do the apart thing. have one group.

Oh, that's true. That was stupid. There's a lot of points to be made here. That wasn't one of them. I'm playing Ben Shapiro bingo because as he's going off in his tirade, he's not just throwing out sort of these right-wing talking points, but he's throwing out these woke left things, the words that Fox News and Newsmax and OANN, et cetera, used to terrify people. So, I mean, we hear it riffs on, well, the foreigners, borders, Hamas,

fanatic, homeland, cis, white replacement. Yeah, they threw that. They used the term people of color, but somehow when it comes out of his mouth, it just sounds like a slam, like a dehumanizing slam. You know, all these people, they're just stowaways on the good ship America. Yeah. How dare they?

Yeah. So they didn't need actors for the scene. I really think they just needed a dozen straw men and just put them in front of the camera. Because that's exactly what happened. They'll do it. My favorite straw man, too, is my favorite liberal cuck is the gay guy that stands behind blue-haired Vera. And I guess he's like her height man.

Yeah, he's like the lieutenant. Does he even get a name? He's just like gay cartoon caricature in the whole movie. I don't even know if he gets a name. Is that the tall dude with the tiny thin mustache and the earring? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So then we go upstairs to where the president of the university is just too damn liberal to do anything about. it, right? You know, he's there, they're talking about the protests and he's like, oh, well, you know, I just don't, I don't want to offend anyone and I want to make sure that every group is heard and, oh, I just, I guess I'm paralyzed by my liberalism in this moment, you know. Okay. Whatever. They're arguing about whether this guy, Clay Saunders, John Major's character. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, should even be allowed to speak at the campus? Because I guess he got invited by, you know. Or should he be canceled? Right. Maybe he got invited by the young Republicans group or whatever. And the movie is trying to say like, well, this is bullshit. All this is. All. this cancellation. But this is a pretty like open process that's happening. We're watching like a university and a bunch of its professors and some students like have input. Movies just mad if they decide no on this guy showing up. Yeah, exactly. And then there's this this woman, this pregnant woman,

who decides that she wants to chime in and say that Clay Saunders, that's Sergeant Majors, that he should be able to talk at the campus because free speech and they should call the police and clear out all those protesters because they're breaking the law. And she's a woman of color, so it's okay for her to say that, even though a white guy wrote her lines. This is so good. But, but as she was uttering those lines, she was eating white bread. I don't think that's an accident. She was snacking on a white, white bread.

A lot of confusing things going on. Subliminal. Yeah. The way they're portraying this is like a black woman makes an argument against wokeism in one tiny way. And the woke start glitching. They're just like, woman of course. color against our what? I don't know what to do.

It's so stupid. So if only a smart conservative outlet would have explained this in a nuanced way in a film, I might recover from my woke mind virus finally. But, but, but, they don't come off as actors in that room. I thought it's almost like they went down to a life church service.

And after it was over and everybody went to their fellowship lunch, they said, hey, what's everybody doing for the next hour and a half? Right. And they brought him all over and gave him a few lines. That's exactly the vibe that scene gets off to me. Almost every fucking line in this movie is delivered in that way, too, unless it's by one of the like five named characters. So, okay. So meanwhile, Abraham, he's the janitor now, but he's out there being evil because of all of the, all of the Islam, right?

So he's setting bombs everywhere as Muslims are want to do. Just giant, silly, acme bombs with blood. blinking lights on a button that's like, ticking clocks on them. I didn't set a bomb. I'm not holding a bomb. Don't look at me. So then, okay. So we check in really quickly on Jonathan Major. He's on his way to the college. And his security guy says, hey, you know, the college is saying they can't guarantee your safety. So maybe you don't want to go. And he's like, I want to go even more now. Because he won't be, like, scared off by a bunch of liberal protesters. But when he's in the vehicle, notice that he's reading a paper.

called the trumpet. And again, I may be trying way too hard, way too hard. But I'm thinking, okay, well, this is the biblical end times, right? The trumpet shall sound. This kicks off the apocalypse in advance of the tribulation, the return of Jesus Christ, the sinners go to hell, the righteous go to heaven. And I think, well, if an Islamic holy war would be part of somebody's end time scenario, then a jihadist threat against God's great America actually plays. plays into the idea of the sounding trumpet. Again, I may just be trying to, I may have outsmarted myself there. I don't know.

It's really easy to smart this movie, man. So then we cut to, we've got all of our, basically all of our kid characters, right? We've got PJ and the reporter girl, Avery, and Devlin and Kwan, they're all hanging out drinking their homemade whiskey. And they're like Egyptian neighbor kid shows up to ask them to keep the noise down really studying. Yeah, and our nuanced moderate character yells at him for being a terrorist because he's from Egypt. Yes. So the thing about PJ is that in any other movie, this character would be either a bad guy who we all cheer when he gets killed,

or he would be redeemed at some point in the film and stop being a bigot. But because it's the Ben Shapiro movie, every time he's a bigot, we're supposed to be like, yeah, telling it like it is, them fucking Egyptians. Just calling balls and strikes about that country and its entire group of people. Yep. Nailed it. Meanwhile, he is surrounded in that dorm room by actors that actually look like they were run through an AI image generator over and over and over. I mean, it's funny, the female characters, I just call them the uncanny Valley kids. There's something about them.

Uncanny Valley girls. I don't remember their lines, but it was just like, Loram Iipsum, Woke, woke, woke, Lerimpsom, like, that's all they say. So Lizzie shows up here because he invited her in the earlier scene. She shows up with her friend and now they're there to drink with the guys or whatever. And then we cut to the gay best friend. He's at a locker picking up his like George Soros envelope, right, that we all get for protesting.

Yeah. I didn't realize that's what it was at first, but that's exactly what the movie's doing with this. The whole room is super dark and there's that ominous drone sound just, he walks in and it's very sinister sounding. And then it turns out to be, pizza money. From George Soros

for them to do terrorism and get paid back with pizza money. She doesn't say, hey, here's 50 bucks, go buy a couple of pizzas. She says, I want you to go to this lair,

this darkened locker layer and look in a secret compartment for the pizza. George, can you just like Venmo me money for pizza? You got a credit card. Yeah.

So, So then we see that. And what we're supposed to learn here is that there's some money man pulling these protesters strings, right? We're going to find out later that it's the terrorism. So I mean, if you're thinking about it at all, you already know, but the movie will admit that later. So okay.

Terrorism. That's what we meant when we said George. Yeah, right, right, yeah, exactly. The movie will go with the latter, yeah. Yeah. So then we watched Lizzie and Deb getting to know each other. They're impossibly fucking boring and they suck. and he's going to take her to the carnival.

Everybody's arguing about whether they're going to go see Jonathan Majors' speech about how evil Muslims are. Apparently that's it. He's written a book about how dangerous Muslims are in white replacement theory or whatever. Our Ben Shapiro-esque character, PJ, is arguing in favor of that, that white replacement theory speech by the black guy.

And it turns into an argument with the girls that are there and one of them throws some bathtub whiskey. in his eye, which I found fun to watch. Yeah, that was nice. I rewound that. And all these girls leave their party. And I was like, this is, they don't realize this. The movie doesn't know what they've done. But that whole scene was college friends getting cock blocked by the movie's own personality. Like that's what the whole thing was. Yep. You know, I thought just occurred to me and I'm still stuck on the envelope full of cash. What kind of clandestine shadow organization of terrorists pays their operatives in tens?

I didn't think about that. It's not weird. They went to the ATM and they were like, maybe a mix of bills. They'll want some tens. Here's a hundred thousand American. Instead, she's like five tens.

I'm sorry, that just popped into my mind. Have you guys noticed, though, that in these types of films, the dialogue is super clunky, obviously. You're like, no one speaks the way human beings would speak to each other.

But especially when there's, they're emotive scenes. These actors don't seem to know what to do with their, arms. They just. Yes. They do not.

I think they're trying to emphasize by thrusting their arms at each other or toward the camera. It literally looks like all of them need a nerve block at the shoulder. I'm screaming at them. I'm like, put your fucking hands down. Like a puppeteer just really wants to let you know what he can do with this thing. I am so aggravated or so in love or so whatever. All my articulations.

All done with the appendage. 104 points of articulation. Yeah. Ow! All right, we're in a little bit long on this segment, so we've got to go a little bit quick through the rest of this. But we go back to the protest where they're all celebrating their various victories. And at this point, Vera tells them they need to up their militancy.

So she's handing out, like, masks and gas cans so they can level this protest up. All right. So then the next morning we've got Dev, he's out on a run. I was watching at 1.5 speed at this point. So he was hauling. I can see how he got that scholarship for track. But we're watching this. And then this is intercut with Muslims being evil and scary by Czech's notes,

praying to their God. Now, don't get me wrong. I find prayer creepy as shit, but you guys don't get to. You're the fucking Christians. We just see Ibrahim, the evil janitor, washing his hands, but like two Muslim music in the script, I'm sure.

I wanted somebody to walk in while he's washing hands. he's just like, Siri, play Toby Keith. Play Toby Keith. And in a college bathroom, how clean is he really expected? Yeah, right. So that we watch, oh, and part of the montage for Deb, we watch him doing some leg presses, which I only bring up because as he's doing that, I wrote in my notes, I bet Pat Robertson could kill you on those, man.

You got nothing on P-Rubes. I actually wrote, Islam is taking over in this guy's head, and he's like, better not skip leg day. Yes. Fucking so mad that later in the movie they will try to do a better not skip leg day thing, but it doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't. And it could have it.

I'm so mad about that. I will get there. We'll get there. Yeah. So we get like basically, you know the opening of Die Hard where you see all of the coordinated attack and everybody's going into the building in different ways and all this shit. We get that,

but it goes on for so fucking long that it becomes comedy. Right? Yeah. apparently lots of terrorism is actually just like mundane set up logistics and stuff and being like, do we need to call like somebody to bring like 30 chairs for this part right here. They're going to do with a thing. They sneak in through all these tunnels and shit underground. They're in the sewers. And I'm like, well, you could have just walked in guys.

You had the little construction vests on. No one notices them dropping dupel bags of whatever into manholes all across the campus. Nobody walks up and says, pardon me. You know, what are you doing? What are the double bags about? Yeah. What do you have a giant wheelbarrow of quarters? Are you giving somebody a bribe of some sort for their laundry money?

What's that envelope with 10? Yeah, right. It's only $140. Some kind, yeah. And then we get, we have to set up the fact that Dev is the son of the guy who got killed in the cold open. Jonathan Majors is, um, subordinate officer. They got killed. and Jonathan Majors really wants him to come to the speech

because he's like a surrogate dad to him and they still have issues or whatever, right? So the movie's going to like try to make that something later. That's a coincidence on the order of Gareth Edwards Godzilla where the one guy who ends up intervening is the one dude who knows how's set up a mechanical bomb. Right. Who happened to be Brian Cranston's son or something.

It was like of all the places, you know, Of all the people that I would have bumped into, imagine the odds. The Muslim takeover would happen to happen on the day that he's giving his speech with his surrogate. Yeah. Of all the bathtub gin joints and all. Well done, sir. And meanwhile, of course, the Muslims are trekking through subterranean darkness. Yeah, just being like Islam Islam Islam.

Yeah. Rolling along in tombs for no reason. Right, right. Just walk upstairs. And then as if to contrast from the, the evil Muslims, right? We get this, we get some like, biolic establishing shots of the fall festival, right? All Republicans want is a nice, colonialist autumn festival.

And the wokes are ruining it. Yeah, exactly. And there was a scene where was it PJ referred to one of the college coeds as a broad? You said, you're just interested in that broad. And I thought, I'm sorry, was the screenwriter born in 19 to 30. Well, his ideas were, yeah. Apparently so broad. We need a broad. Wow.

And so, yeah, so they're setting up or they're doing their fall festival. And Vera, the leader of the protest, calls her protesters into action. Because you know how easy it is to get a bunch of liberal protesters to all follow you at once? Yeah. Yeah, they love leaders. They're always very organized like that. Yeah, exactly. For sure.

Okay. I did what, there was one funny moment. they do a chance. She does her big like Braveheart speech for the Antifa squad and then they start doing a chant but she stops him

like a maestro. She's like all right that's it. And one guy keeps going and I laughed so long. It was so good. It was like no justice.

No. I know what we were going to do it. We can't end on no justice guys. It sounds stupid if we end on no. All right. Fine. Fuck it. All right.

Well, it looks like those libs have something dastardly up their sleeves. So we're going to take a quick break while the suspense is high. But we're back. in a minute with even more of run-hide fight infidels.

Babe, just, you know, real quick, can I ask you something? Ben, I keep telling you, it's not your fault. Most women never have one. Oh, they don't? Yeah, no, it's actually, it's a disease. Most women have a disease? We do, yes, uh-huh. Oh, okay.

Okay, no, you're the doctor. The doctor. Hey, so the, the editor sent me the first cut from Act 1 in my new movie today. Do you want to watch it? I love to, babe. I really would, but I have pink eye. You can't watch movies with Pink Eye? No, no, it inflames the pinkness.

Got it, got it, okay. Well, you know what? That's fine. That's fine. I can just tell you about it. So I'm pretty happy so far. I'm sorry. I actually got pink ear, too. I have, it affects the ears if you leave it too long. You can't, you can't listen to me, talk?

It inflames the pink ear, yeah. The listening inflames it. Oh, okay. No problem, I guess. Well, I guess we can just go to bed early today. Ding, oh, you know what? I just got a text. One second, let me look at that. Oh, no way. I have COVID. You do? Yeah, the doctor said I got the Rona. and I got a quarantine at a hotel for the rest of the week.

So I better head out. Oh, okay. I got to be safe. So maybe we can talk next week. It's long COVID. Long COVID. I was just reading the rest of the text from the doctor. And he says it's a long COVID that I got.

Got it. Oh. Tough break. A break. Here's the thing. I just, I feel like we're not. know, connecting lately?

Medical facts don't care about your feelings, Ben. Ah, it's true. No, it's true. You don't. No, I guess I'll see you next. Oh, she, she's gone. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Sergeant Majors talking to Avery, the reporter girl,

about, you know, the dangers of Muslims. Sure. So, and there's a moment here where he's like, oh, you've really done your research. And she's like, well, I wouldn't be much of a reporter if I didn't. do research and he's like, most of them don't. And I'm like, you're the daily fucking wire. Yeah. Eat a dick.

Journalists don't know anything. The Daily Wire Studios. But we learn here that Jonathan Majors is the guy who captured the head of ISIS, who's on trial right now. And he really thinks the guy should have got the death penalty. All right. That's going to be important to the movie later. Then we have to introduce, we have to set up a love interest for Kwan, the Korean

guy, don't worry, she's not quite white, but just that, just as they're meat-cuting, all of those pro-Palestinian protesters come in and take over the student union with gas cannons and shit. What's the purpose of the gas? If it's tear gas, are you wanting people to choke so they don't hear your message? If it's just, what, some sort of obscuring of the landscape, do you not want to be seen as you spread your message? Are you guys trying to tear gas the building you want to take Do you want to start again? Do you want to just roll that back out? Because you're going to need to see.

We'll air it out. We'll give you a chance to take over again. None of them are wearing gas masks. None of them are wearing visors. I don't know what the purpose of the tear gas or whatever. No reason. It was just like, oh, colorful smoke. Yeah, right.

No, exactly. Yeah. Our cause will be assisted by yellow vapor. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I enjoyed the reaction. A bunch of the students are just like, all right, I'm going to take off. seems stupid.

And they start walking out. And then we meet one of my favorite characters. One guy is trying to leave. He's just walking out. And he gets fucking tackled and suplexed by Antifa warrior guy in the rainbow cape and a mask. Yeah. Yeah. It's so crazy violent.

It was amazing. The ultimate social justice warrior. Blam. Given that it's a Shapiro film, I really was surprised that at the bottom, they didn't like trap the victim in a furry cop. costume and zip it up tight. You know, not only are they transgendering everyone, but they're turning everyone into

furries. You know, I'm surprised. They didn't do that. We're going to need some litter boxes in here. Yeah, right, right. It is a school. I'm just saying. We already have them.

Why is there no moment where they picked up a litter box out of the fucking bathroom and threw it in somebody's face. Like, come on. Come on. Don't make me do your job for you, Ben. And then, of course, as they're doing this, we see the Muslims. emerging from the sewers. Again, like if they did it once.

Come on. Hashtag vermin, right? Yeah. Hashtag vermin. Right. And then there's this great moment with Terrence, the security guard. He's out at the fall affair. And he looks up and he sees somebody bust in the windows out of the tower. And he calls the dispatcher.

He's like, hey, do we have anybody busting the windows out of the tower today? Should we focus on this? Not right now. No, maybe in like an act. Well, you know, they do have a kidnapped student union that he's also not reacting to, which is crazy. Yeah. But then Devlin decides he is going to go to Sergeant Majors' talk, right?

So he goes to the thing. He looks at his book. The book title is America Unafraid. Which is stupid because the entire narrative of the right-wing evangelicals is fear. Oh, absolutely. They're afraid of everything. It's pretty fucking panicky. Fear of other religions, fear of foreigners,

fear of communist, fear of socialist, fear of furries and litter boxes, right? It's a fear culture. So, I do that. Yeah, well, it's a book called America and afraid about how scared we should be of Muslims outbreeding us, right? And within the story.

So, and then we see the, uh, the wishy-washy Nambi, Pambi, president. He still can't do anything. He's trying to appease the protesters, right? That'll never work. and then they tell him about the building being taken over and his secretary lady goes, that's felony kidnapping. I mean,

I don't think that it is. The president's like, you know, I can't call the police on my own. You'll have to do it. And we're like, why? Because he's too liberal. Yes, though. That's what the movie's saying, yeah.

Yep. So, okay. So then as this is going on, we're going to start interspersing this with the speech that Jonathan Majors' character is giving. And it is just the most unabashed white replacement theory racism that you can imagine. Right.

At one point, he says that they will use, quote, the wounds of our women against us. Our women. Our women. So like breeding us out, but like half at a time? That's like a, you're not going to get to the, it's like a xenophobes paradox right there. But, you know, it was at this moment that I felt a little bit of relief.

It had been 42 minutes. and this right wing film had not had a Bible, sort of a Bible-ish right-wing speech. Like all of these movies have to have a moment where somebody just holds court and talks from a stage or from behind a podium or inside a courtroom. And I was like, well, where's my scene, man? Yeah.

And when he took the stage, I thought, aha, the quota has been filled. The John Galtz moment on the radio that he pirated. Yeah. Well, and the crazy thing about this, like, everything that he says is, like, no, but you, right? Because he's talking about how bad Muslims are with women's rights. And I'm like, yeah, man, religious people tend to be real bad about women's rights. Well, he ignores the fact that in this country, statistically, political violence is carried out. More than two-thirds of political violence in this country, resulting in death, is carried out by the extreme right-wing, usually white males.

Yep. And so while he's on stage, selling that, hey, the Muslims are coming, right? The vermin, et cetera. He didn't say vermin, but we get the message. The truth is, is that the majority of political violence in the country is by the white right. Yeah. And, and yet that's totally ignored. Hey, Ben, I, facts don't care about your feelings that you used to make this movie. I think that's important for you to remember. He seems to have, it seems to have slipped his mind. I don't like that we let him have that tagline. Well, we were already using it. That's just like a general

concept of skepticism is like, yeah, facts don't care about your feelings, but he's doing, he's a very religious person and he has a bunch of emotions that lead to this movie, for example. Yeah, right, right, exactly. So yeah, but he's given this speech, like, at one point, he's like, you know, he's telling us about how Muslims will straight up kill us. And this is now being offered as a voiceover of the Muslims who are now killing their way into the student union, right? And they're like, oh, yeah, no, they will kill them. Just look. That's what they're doing. So then we cut to the president's office where Ibrahim comes in now. right and he's wearing what i thought was a suicide vest i guess it's just a tactical bad guy vest

like purchased it bass pro shops apparently because it literally looks like fishing cargo vest it's got you know like your pocket sand and your silly acme bombs in case snack bar next to that you know yeah is that a cliff bar it is a clip bar it is a clip bar i like this i get hungry during terrorism he goes he takes out his fucking phone and he goes get me the president of the united states and I don't think he's got his number, man. This is the dean keeps the president on speed dial. Yeah, right. Yeah.

At least this movie recognizes he wouldn't be able to get him. But yeah. So, and then we get to the part of the speech because, again, this is all being interspersed with the Jonathan Major speech. We get the point where he goes, we can't run. We can't hide. We must fight. And I'm like, oh, my God, you failed your title drop?

That's not. the name of the fucking Jesus Christ. But as... Seen starts to fade out. Oh, yeah, infidels. Infinals. Okay. But just then, as he's saying that,

the terrorists break in and throw grenades into the lecture hall and they attack. Right. So, and then, of course, there's a couple of guys at the, up in the watchtower that they unload like a fucking mini gun on them now and start just mowing people down. And I'm like, oh, yeah, who was it? Was it Muslims that mowed a bunch of people down at a festival? from above with a fucking big gun. Oh, that was a fucking white guy.

My bad. Well, on the firefighter is so 80s. I saw so many sparks off the bullet ricochets that I have expected Erica Kirk to walk through the door. You know what I'm saying? So much gold spark. I thought, where's Erica Kirk? And like a white snake video comes on.

Yeah. And man, did they have fun throwing squibs on the brown people here? Again, if it was just one or two. things, but we sure do watch this Egyptian kid die for a while, do we not? For university students, they don't know to take cover. Like, they run into the open country. And over and over again. And they're like 30 minutes.

Because they run at each other first and then they have to spin it. It's cartoonish. Yes. What's amazing is, listener, that action starts now half an hour later in the review. We will still be talking about people doing that, right? People going like, I think running across the quad will work this time, guys. It's almost like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando when the bad guys are taking cover behind a row of orchids. Yeah, you see the top of the flowers that are being cut down.

Just I was, what? What are you guys doing? In fairness to this terror cell, they did anticipate that there would be idiot students just still running around the quad and bonking heads way later. So they have a guy on the team whose job is just like, guy who walks around the perimeter shooting here and there, the stragglers. Yeah, exactly. That was one of the roles for like, you know, new guy probably. Probably, yeah, you had to find something for your fucking wife's cousin to do or whatever.

Yeah. So there's also this moment where Devlin and Jonathan Majors escaped from the auditorium and we get the shot of these two actors actually falling through a window unplanned. So this is, of course, we all talked about this on our shows when it happened, but the safety standards in this movie were so bad that eventually, like, everyone involved went on strike. And then the production company said that they, quote, don't negotiate with communists, end quote. And one of the things that inspired that was the fact that their safety standards were so bad that their two lead actors fell through a goddamn window, like 10 fucking feet. Yeah. Right.

And apparently neither of them were injured, so they just used the fucking shots. Yeah, but they were, though. They both, like, John Majors in particular, like, lied about it when it came out in the news. He's like, no, I was fine. He's just, like, bleeding from all places. I feel like this, I have no evidence of this, but I feel like the production team on this was like some amount of people who are like, this is the most toxic movie I've ever seen. We're going to fuck with these guys. So they're doing the shot and they're like, no, no, no, no, cool.

John, you're good. You can lean against that when. man. That glass is totally good. So just go ahead and get the shot. Why are you crouched behind me for this moment? I'm doing a different angle. It's cool. Don't worry.

I'll get out of the way. I just want you to know that bleeding from all the places would have been a great alternative title for this one. Right? That's a great, great line. Well, one of my favorite parts is, so our hero jumps in front of Deb and takes the bullet, right? Yeah. And then we have a massive break in continuity because majors get shot first.

in the left lung up here. The next scene, it shows him falling out the window, and his lower left shirt is already totally covered. He has not yet had time really to bleed. No. And yet he's totally covered. And then at the bottom, when he turns around to talk to the guy, by the way, he's doing awfully well for a guy whose pancreas has been liquefied

by an AK-47 round. But the bullet hole in the, back of his jacket is back up near the shoulder. And I just thought, it's somebody, where's the continuity director here? You had one job to do. And of course, this leads to the funniest line in the entire fucking movie to me, because he's been, he's shot in, he's got this moving bullet wound, right? It's all over his fucking body. He's covered in blood and shit. And then Devin turns to him and he goes, were you hit? No, I'm good. He said, no, I was bleeding profusely from my abdomen. I came in with a liquefied

pancreas. Let me get some neosporin that I happen to happen. My pant pocket here. Tactical vest got some neosporine there. Yeah. Yeah. And the lack of continuity, by the way, is because in real life, John Majors flew through this window and mangled himself and was like, uh,

and then they had to like deal with that for five hours and then start over. There's also this great moment. We cut back to Terrence, the security guard, and he's still just putsing around on his little golf cart, like two minutes into the massive. shooting. They shoot the golf cart out from under him like it's his fucking horse. Yeah. One bullet explodes. This golf cart trips on a bullet and does like a like a Buster Keaton flying Prattfall move. Then we cut to the professor pregnant. She notices the commotion, which is hilarious because we're like nine minutes into it. Now she's like,

you know, those gunshots have been going on for a really long time. I wonder what that is. So her and her student that she's advising, they stand up and just then the fucking shooters go hit him through the window, right? Take them both out. I was struck by the uselessness of the bodyguards, right? Majors is there. When he was on stage, he had the bodyguards with him. And there's a scene inside a few minutes before in the auditorium. And the bodyguard, who by the way is like Timu Jason Statham, right?

It's the best we could find and he kind of maybe looks a little like Statham. and he attempts to take out a terrorist with a pistol in a darkened auditorium wearing sunglasses. Someone explain. And he's firing towards the audience, which is still there. Yes. Just, yeah, that was just, that's kind of a social dogmanism. At that point, you know, the weed just must be weeded out. Working out in payroll scenario.

Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So now the news makes it to the student union that they're under. attack and there's a bunch of gunfire and everything. And this is where the terrorists show up and now they're going to learn what real Palestinians are like, right? Because this is the whole like heart of this movie is like, oh, all of these pro-Palestinian

protesters wouldn't like it if they were in Palestine and had to live under Sharia law or whatever, right? That's the idea behind the whole thing. Yeah. And to like learn your lesson. So the terrorist walks in. He's like, okay, now I'm taking over your takeover. But hey, blue hair.

Thanks for helping our cause. College liberals. Great for helping us. Now we're probably going to kill you, though. Yeah. Wink a camera. It's so very obvious. Well, it's also a weird mix of the sinister agency and cluelessness.

Not only are the libs behind all of these anti-America sentiments, and they want open borders, and they want anarchy, and they want one world government, and they want all these things. But they're also clueless as to the repercussions of taking the position. that they are taking. So they are sinister by agency, but they're also sinister by ignorance and stupidity. Yes. Kind of that one to punch.

Primero. Yes, exactly. So now we've got a quick moment where, like, we have to basically write Jonathan Majors out of the next half of the movie or like the next 40 minutes of the movie or so. Because he is gravely injured in real life. He's growing a new pancreas and or lung or whichever. He needs time.

So he's like, hey, I'm going to. to leave you prompt up against this tree towards the outside of the campus area unarmed and shot and I'm going to run in there and go find my friends and be a hero, right? And Jonathan Majors calls it back to him. He's like, you're getting too

emotional. Facts don't care about your feelings, boy. So now he's gone into toy soldiers this shit. And then we cut to Lizzie. Now she was in the lecture hall watching Jonathan's Major's speech. And so now she's like pinned down there as the terrorists

are like taking over and grabbing hostages. Now, it's kind of hard to tell the difference between who they shoot and kill and who they take hostage. Basically, if the character is named in the credits, they take them hostage. If they're not named in the credits, they shoot him dead, right? Yeah. That's due diligence to go through the credits and actually make those notes. Props to you, no illusions. Well, there's good work.

Good work. So, okay, so then there's this. Nazi character, this German guy who runs the bookstore at the student union who is also an Islamic terrorist, he's with the bad guys. He's wheeling his computers owe death through the Student Union now. Yeah, he's got like an AV cart from the 90s to roll out his evil terrorism laptop that has apparently a terrorism app running. It's kind of like, it's a multifunctional app. It does a lot of interesting terrorism things that they'll use throughout the movie. They literally went to like iPhones app search and typed in Crimson Jihad WhatsApp.

And immediately a red-themed, blood-red themed text app popped up on all their phones. Oh, that's it. I love the idea that this guy who's like, look, we're really evil. So everything has to be red text on a black background. And like, well, that's very hard to read. And he's like, doesn't matter. We're that evil. Do you think we could vibe code it to have the colors that we want?

It's pretty good right now. But, and of course, this is the, every, every movie where anybody takes over anything has to have one of these now. This is the computer from which you can do every goddamn thing, right? They're going to shut down everybody's cell phones and they're going to shut down everybody's radios and everything. They're going to take over the TVs and they're going to take over the satellites and shit with this. It's actually like DeiSX Machina, like machine, like laptop, the laptop. It's a Machina X Machina. Yeah, exactly.

So, yeah. And then so we got the, we cut to the university president and he's like, hey, I got the governor. Okay, he's not the president, but he's like the president of the state. And that's pretty good. I'm just a fucking president of a college here, right? But that's not good enough. Then Devlin, he hooks up with Terrence, the security guard, right? So that he can have to comic relief, I guess.

And now they need to go hook up with PJ since he's so good at killing Muslims. Now, we haven't mentioned this yet, but PJ's character is Israeli and he's served in the military. right. We've established that he did two tours overseas tours while he was in the Israeli military. And of course, we cut to PJ. He hasn't noticed any of this stuff because he was playing a war video game the whole time. And he fucking quotes Roger Kipling because he existed on camera for eight seconds without sucking ass. So he has to do that. And of course, this is where he learns what's going on because the Egyptian kid that he hates walks in and then dies. All right, because he's been shot in the back. Yeah. And the bad guys don't.

know it yet, but operative PJ is now activated and he knows sword karate. So watch out. Trained in America's dorm room. Yes. Ready to fight the jihadists. It's PJ. He's also pretty good at beer pong. Yeah, right. So what I, okay, so I love this so goddamn much because he looks out the hallway and there's a guy in the hallway going door to door going, police and then shooting whoever comes to the door. I feel like that would only work once, right?

Only one time. But we also have to accept, and we're not going to learn this for a couple of scenes, we're also going to have to accept that PJ just grabbed his sword and waited in his room while the guy went all the way down the hallway, killing everyone. So, okay. So then Abraham has to come in to like the commons area of the taking over student union to give a bad guy's speech. Right. Now, this is where he explains to all these pro-Palestinian liberal protesters that they're going to live under Sharia law.

Now, he's starting a new caliphate right here at Lawton University. Right here in this student union building will have a cal. It's going to be small. It might be small. And as the ominous drone is underneath. Scope of the budget got too big. We have to write it like this. Shut up.

Sneering in that sort of in Arabic, right? And then they have the font. And I literally checked out. I went to Google. What font is that? Like, I don't know why. I was just so checked out emotionally of the movie that I was like, well, what I was that.

Oh, it's Babas Nua. Wow, what an interesting choice. It's kind of a mix of classic Star Trek and concert poster, big font, so that the English speakers would know what evil Arabic was speaking by the terrorists. Did that come with the terrorism app that we paid for it? We have to pay for the fine. We did pay separately? Did you keep the receipt?

So at this point, Abraham gets a lady from the FBI. I guess she was supposed to be the head of the FBI on the phone or whatever. And he explains that if they wanted to leave, they have to let the ISIS guy out of prison, the one that Jonathan Majors captured at the beginning of the movie, right? Yeah. And then just to establish how the movie could sort of work for the rest of the movie, they're like, also just for the record,

I don't know why I'm telling you this, but we have a Deus X Machina. We have an app that controls a drone that makes a force field that stops all cops. forever. Yes. Yes. Now none of the cops can come in because we said so and we have a drone. By all, Heath, you mean

both? Yes. We saw two cops. Yeah. By the way, whenever he's demanding the release, he says, you're supposed to believe in religious freedom in this country. So let our guy free. And I thought, that is

a Ben Shapiroism, right? It's a typical right-wing thing where religious freedom is actually code for Christian supremacy and those who want actual religious freedom, meaning that the Muslims are on equal footing and the Buddhist and the Sikhs and the Hindus and the seculars and the agnostics and atheists, et cetera. Well, we don't want that. And I think that was the subtext to the guy saying, well, we want religious freedom. They were saying, well, if you would genuinely treat everyone equally, there will be blood in the streets. We need Christian supremacy. Absolutely. That was absolutely

unmistakably the message in that moment. Yeah. And then, oh, we established earlier that Lizzie is pre-med, Devlin's love interest. So she's now kidnapped in the student union. One of the terrorists has been shot and is dying as she offers to help him out with her medical knowledge, right? With what? With what tools is she assisting the guy? I mean, is she using a stapler to patches? Like, all I saw, she watered up like a shirt for under his head and gave him a water bottle.

And that was the extent of the care that he was receiving. She's like, I'm going to use a spell on you here, but I have to remain close to you. When you bleed out, it's important to properly hydrate is all I could get from that scene. Everybody take out your Naljean bottles. I know you all have them with duct tape around them. Give me a little bit of duct tape. I'm going to save this victim of a gunshot, who is a terrorist. Because I'm Christian and I do no harm first.

Yes, exactly, exactly. So then, okay, so then we check back in on people. who, again, he's let the dude murder his way all the way down the hall because he's the last fucking door. And now he's standing there. He's got his sword. But he's also got a glass of whiskey because earlier in the movie, a girl threw the whiskey in his face and it hurt. This is the best. We actually get pocket whiskey. Pocket whiskey. The terrorist guy right in the eyes.

Followed by giant silly samurai sword stab. Okay. But if you're going to stab him with the sword, why would you use the whiskey? What purpose did the whiskey serve other than to get his attention your way before you did the sword thing? Yeah, I wanted Tyrus guy just be like, what's that? Is that a hint of juniper?

That's more of a gin thing than a whiskey thing. What are you doing? I'm yelling. Oh, you said me. Set the whiskey on fire at least. Like grab a match or a lighter or candle. I mean, do something with it. But it was almost like that scene

in naked gun or somebody threw a pillow at the bad guy and he's like, he's up against the wall. Right. Yeah. And did you get a look at the handle of the sword? I did not. With the thing dangling off of it. It looked like it was so spirit Halloween.

I laughed out loud when I saw the sword handle sticking out of the guy who'd been pin cushioned. I mean, come on. He stabs the guy with the sword that's in his dorm room. That thing would break in half if you try to stab somebody with it. By the way. If you. cut somebody's small intestine, they will not die in nine seconds. Right. I just, he literally went right through his lower gut and the guy just went funk. And he was out and I'm like, whoa,

you know, that's probably going to be days. Yeah, that doesn't even flash red, man. What are you even doing? So, okay, so then we go back at the student union, Abraham and the Nazi guy have turned off all the cell phones. And then he turns on he's got a big bomb in his janitor cart. And he turns that on. This will almost not matter. By pressing the getting ready button on the... Yeah, got to have a... Yeah, yeah, yep, yep.

Did it beep? They almost always have to beep. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. It did have a beep. It was a beep. Hey, does the app have any cool ringtones that we could do? It's like the normal beep. I like that they actually pasted the word simtext on as if we didn't know it was an

explosive just to be sure. Right. We brand your terrorist explosive. So, can it. And now it's time to cover up all of these whores, right? He's brought enough burkas for all of the women. But first, they have to be taken down to the showers to be properly cleaned so that this director can have naked women in the background of a number of his shots, right? For no other reason than that.

But this is also where Vera realizes that this is who she's been working for the whole time, right? So he's going to take her up on the roof and have a like, you know, you're now part of my caliphate conversation. with her. So, you know, it's her and it's Abraham along with Vera and the gay friend, right? They're up on the roof looking at all of the massacre around him and going like, yeah, I'm starting to think that maybe this isn't like what we had in mind. Like maybe you had different goals than we had. Weird little part of the speech, Ibrahim was like, before he even does the, you know, the big ending, the big evil thing he's going to do here. He's like, see, see down here on the quad. As you can see, we have a guy who, you know, kind of just shoots here and there.

And there's like three people left on the quad, just like running around and bonking heads. It's been 15 fucking minutes and there's still, there's still people going like, all right, I'm going to try running across the quad. Yeah. And Abraham's like, Steve, Steve, do like two more. Just I'm doing a speech. Just it'll be impactful. Just do two more.

Okay. Nice. So, yeah, but then he explains to him. He's like, and unlike the liberal cock. we'll breed much faster and breed him out is our plan. And Vera's like, well, we're not going to have any kids because like, we're not together and he's gay. Right. And so Abraham, upon realizing that the gayest man you've ever met is gay, it gets so enraged that he kicks him off the roof so hard that he falls in slow motion.

Right. Because this movie wants us to be able to watch this gay man die for a very long time. I think that's totally on purpose as well. You guys are well ahead of me. But this is one of those things where on the surface, we condemn it because we are all God's children. But yeah, the Sodomites deserve destruction according to the Old and New Testament. So, hey, he kind of had it coming. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. No, we watched that. And then we watch him slit Vera the Blue Haird Girl's throat. And we watch her die for a while, right? Because we're also supposed to hate that character. I guess I'm supposed to say thank you for not doing the full beheading, but that's the vibe at that scene. Right.

Very. And, you know, back to, and they were talking about all the whores and the, you know, whatnot, the women, they stand one coed up and she's wearing like short gym shorts. And he's pointing at her like, ah, you know, you creature of lust and sin and desire and whatnot. And I thought to myself, this guy sounds an awful lot like Pastor Douglas Wilson. Yeah. Right? Because that's essentially the American version. This guy is like, women are objects, women are subjugated, women should not vote, and women should not be temptresses. And I thought this guy actually sounds a lot like the Christian right in the United States.

Yes. Yeah. And the spiritual leader specifically of the person in charge of our entire military. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yep. Yep. So then, okay. So we cut to PJ, Devlin and Terrence the security guard. They're now at the library because there's one computer that's like hardwired and so it works. The internet works. The one Ethernet cable has plot armor shielding over the copper or whatever.

And PJ figured out the hole in the enemy opsec is this one computer so they can watch a video about some news. Well yeah, then they just watch the news about what's going on and then he shoots the computer because the movie realizes that the rest of the movie doesn't work if they have

the one working computer. Yeah. I think all they were doing with this scene was a stupid little banter moment where they're trying to do that like oh also we care about that like nuanced thing from earlier just social justice so there's a little commercial pops up when they're trying to watch the news oh god and there's a mixed race couple in the commercial and PJ's like mixed race couples and commercials are dumb and terence the security guard who is black is right next to him and he's like solid hot take PJ I agree and I'm black what do you think about

that. Wokes. Yeah. Anyway, there's a massacre that we're dealing with moving on. Right. You're right. So they see the news. He goes, ah, what a surprise.

It's jihadists. And I'm like, well, you racist asses wrote the fucking movie. In reality, there's a 54% chance that it's a fucking Christian. Right? So they watch that. And then we see the mayor of the town. We also have to establish the idea that like the cops want to come in, but the liberals are holding them back.

So the mayor is like, no, we're not sending in a SWAT team because we're going to try to understand these Muslims and that are killing dozens and dozens of people. We want to understand them and we respect everybody's right, you know, to be heard. At this point, I'm listening to the soundtrack by the Mondo Boys and I'm like, all I've heard so far is two drone notes on a Yamaha synthesizer. How much were these guys paid? Right. And it only happens whenever the jihadists show up. Everything else, it's just canned, licensed music that they brought in. And then it's like,

burr. That's actually part of the app, too. I'm in the wrong line of work, man. Right. When is the actual soundtracking going to take place? The actual scoring of the film, rather going to take place. So, yeah, but then at this point,

PJ's like, it looks like we're on our own. Time to kill some brown people. So I guess we've made it through the run. We've made it through the hide. And now it's time for the fight. But first. Let me give Act 3 the hard sell. Infidels, got it.

Will the Christians kill all the Muslims? Will the women be passed out as prizes to the victorious conquerors? Is this movie from the fucking 13th century? Find out the answers to these questions and more. We'll return for the bigotacular conclusion of run, hide, fight, infidels. So I think we should be allowed to call the cops if a black person does a crime. I think we should. I'm sorry, what?

If a black person does a crime, white people should be allowed to call the cops. As a black person, wouldn't you agree with that? I'm Steve, by the way. It's my first day here. We've never met. Hey, Steve, I'm Ben Shapiro. Welcome to the movie. Wouldn't you agree with what I just said?

That is a crazy starting point for a conversation. But yes, everyone is allowed to call the cops when they see a crime. Yes, yes. Thank you. I'm sorry, were you, were you arguing with somebody about that when I walked in? I was. I was not. But people say that.

People have said that. Who has said that? Exactly. The point is, we're just trying to have an honest dialogue. That's what this movie is really about. Honest dialogue. Another great example. Friends can say racist stuff to each other like slurs as a joke and it's totally fine.

If they're both cool with it, I guess. Dude, you get it. Dude, you get. Like, I feel like we're really connecting. Like, already. Okay, but I want to make sure you know we're not friends. Just to be clear. We could be.

We could be. Anyway, let's get a, let's get a selfie real quick. Just tuck it in, tuck it in. You want a selfie with me together? Yeah, yeah, tuck it in. Okay, it seems weird. Like, you're kind of forcing this. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. It's like a promo for the movie. Just just, just chop in. Fine, fine, fine. Okay, okay. Scooch in.

Scoot you. Scoot you a little more. Just get it here. Okay. Okay. Three, two, one. Got it. Ah.

Ah, it's a great buddy pick. It's a great buddy pick. But we're not buddies. We could be. Okay, let me ask you something. You cannot say the N-word. What? I'm not.

That's not what I was going to ask. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action of the student union where all the evil Muslims are menacing the white women. Now, I want to point this out, okay, because I went back over this movie to check. There is at least some smattering of diversity when we see the crowd shots of the women.

But when we see all the women being individually taken down to the showers and all of the Muslim men leering at them and everything, it's always white women. Yeah. Yeah, that is not a fucking coincidence. Okay. But then, yeah, Abraham comes in here at this point and all the, all of the guys are like leering at the women. And he's like, don't rape them. And they'll look at him. He goes, yet.

Yet you didn't let me finish. No doing that yet. We are Muslim. And they're like, right, sorry, sorry. No raping until later. We are Muslim. Yeah, right. No.

And we're not going to rape them because... Diculous. The head of ISIS guy that they're trying to get out of prison, he gets the first choice of which white woman to rape. That's the only reason. So, oh, this is also where they finally take the mask off the wrestler and it's a trans chick. The ultimate social justice warrior, right? And it's indicated.

Oh, this person might be trans. I guess the Daily Wire, they really care about women's rights and trans rights. That's important to them. So that's why they've done what they've done here in this movie. Yeah, as opposed to these bad guys. Yeah. But that fills Abraham with rage. So we'll find out what they do about that later.

But first we have to cut back to Dev, PJ, and Terrence. They go back to the dorm room and just chill out. Right? For like the next four hours of the movie, they're like, we'll attack at nightfall. And I'm like, really? You're just going to chill until then. Okay. Play a little call of duty.

Yeah. Come up on for a little bit. Grind it out. There's this moment where they're like planning out their attack and PJ sweeps everything off the table and he sets up a bunch of, he's like, this is the tower and this is the student union and this is the dorm. I'm going to explain things that don't require me to have set these up in any fucking way.

I guess the thinking what is that he played military video games. He was now a tactician. I mean, Noah, you're a game. I mean, maybe both of you are gamers. Is there any truth that like you? being able to play call of duty, would that prepare you at all for a real world military emergency? I am really good at taking out centipedes in a hurry. Let me tell you. When I am blessed with Pikachu powers, I can kick anyone's ass because of my smash brother's

experience. When you need a barrel jumped over. So yeah, well, to be fair, this character was also supposed to have been in the Israeli military for a couple of years. And I'm sure that they teach you all about how to take colleges from Muslims there. It's a different, I mean, you know, they just shut them down, but, you know, it's the, it's a slightly different tactic. Does Israel teach their commandos to change out of the robe that they're wearing and sandals and socks to, you know, clothes during their camouflage? Big missions. No, he's got to, yeah, he's dressed like the dude through this whole fucking thing.

Yeah. But, oh, and then we cut back to the student union. They make all the guys take their shirts off, no idea. And this is where they realize that Lizzie's dad is that billionaire who's on all the magazines. and I'm like, wow, I feel like she could have got to know a better college than like, fucking a Lawton State or whatever. But okay, then. Did they ever show his face?

Not directly. I think he's just kind of seen it. Just on the magazine cover, I think. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But then we have, they have now taken over every cell phone so it plays the call to prayer because they have that power from their red text on black screen computers. Yeah.

And that will panic some people. Yeah. A bit later than we. Well, we see, we cut back to. PJ, Dev, and Terrence, and their phones start going off and they're like, that's creepy as shit. And I'm like, well, it's, it's music. Oh, yeah, that happens immediately. They hear this and they're like, oh, this is the Muslim music. Let's destroy our phones. Destroy our phones.

Throw their phones in the bathtub. You could have just taken the battery. Before they popped up to the dorm room, whenever they were down in the, whatever the commons area was, I'm still trying to put together the link between the white supremacist Nazi guy and the Islamic jihadists. Ah, good question. I don't know. I was, and honestly, his accent was so poorly done, right?

He's attempting to talk like a Nazi. And I thought, you know what happened? The casting director is driving through like, I don't know, buckwheat, Nebraska, saw some dude on a tractor and said, wow, you look Aryan, you know, would you like to be a bad guy on camera for a couple of days kind of thing? Can you say the letter Z instead of T.H? Yeah, right. I have a theory on this, by the way.

As do I. I'm pretty sure this evil. guy, he's got the German accent, because Nazis are bad too. And Ben Shapiro's one moment when he was the voice of reason, at least within the GOP, was him being like, hey, I think Nazis are bad and we're getting confused on this. That was like his one moment of reasonable glory in his head recently, I guess. Well, so I honestly think that this is a token character, right? So that later on, they can say, you know, when people say, and all the bad guy characters are Middle Eastern, they can say, no, no, there was a white guy from Europe.

Also, we had a black friend in the movie. His name was Terrence. We didn't name him right away, but we find out later. He was really comic relief mostly, but he was a good guy. He agreed that mixed race couples were annoying in commercials. Also, Juan. You guys are confused. He's brave.

Yeah. You're devastated right now. So yeah, but then this is where the movie remembers that pregnant professor. And she's like woken up, like she got like shot. And so she was unconscious on her floor. she's woken up by the call to prayer, and just then the baby starts coming because she's pregnant,

and that's what pregnant people in movies do. Have babies at the most inopportune of moments. Yeah. So she prays to... That's the most important part of it. She prays to the real God here. Finally, real God can get involved. Yeah, like Christian God was watching this all play out.

It was like, okay, finally, a fucking prayer to me, I guess, I will step in, God. now. Fuck. So yeah, so she's out there praying, tagging in real gun. Back at the dorm room, PJ is making Molotov beer bottles, right? Yeah. So it'll be surprisingly useless through the movie.

There'll be negative value in the movie. Really? Yeah. Yeah, right. And so then we have the arming up scene where they have to, like, tell us what guns they've got. And there's this moment where, like, they have to establish. And again, this doesn't matter to the movie.

I have no idea why they bothered to establish this. But they established that the gun that Devlin has, it doesn't have the right size clip in it. So you have to hold the clip into the gun the whole time? Yeah, he's got a Glock and there's, but you can hold Sig bullets in there if you like cradle the balls or something. Yeah, exactly.

And they spent a while establishing this and that's it. Yep. And it never matters. Like I was sure at some point, the bad guys were going to get his gun and they wouldn't be able to shoot it because they wouldn't know that or something. But no, we never get there. No, all we get is him drop. He's sneaking somewhere later and we get him, I guess as a comedy beat, he drops the clip out and it makes like the noise as if like, you know, a metal close from like a hotel room service is just like wing, wing, wing.

And there's like terrorists right above him. So yeah, and he says once they're all armed up, he goes, all right, we'll have to crawl to the tower. and I'm like, well, shouldn't you die of roll at a situation like this, really? So, all right. But then we've got back at the student union, Abraham is leading everybody in prayer and the reporter guy doesn't pray right

so he shoots him to death. I love the fact that the jihadist is bowing toward Mecca and he's kneeling on a yoga mat. You can't get more woke lib than yoga. You hypocrite using a yoga mat to pray to the east.

How dare you? Almost got a yoga mat in reach, but I can't quite get it. You can't quite make the bit work. But yeah, so we see that the Nazi guy has to tag in on the prayer when Abraham gets a call from that head of ISIS guy, who turns out to be his dad. That doesn't fucking matter. And then we cut to fucking, so this is supposed to be a comedy bit. And it is, but not in the way it's supposed to be, right?

So we've got PJ and Dev army crawling to the tower. And Terrence is just walking behind them because he's a pretty big guy. he's not fucking army crowing. So he's basically heathing his way behind the guys. And the comedy is, you know, it's supposed to be, oh, Terrence isn't crawling. But the comedy is that these two are, right? Do these other two guys are fucking army crowing? And it's just like, you can just walk.

We can see, you know, it was, there's no difference. Why are you guys whispering. Jesus, Jesus. You're not, we're not sneaking. Nobody's looking at us. We just walk. Then we get this long shot of the Muslims watching the white women in the shower. And again, I just, I have to.

to point this out because it's supposed to be, can you imagine watching these poor women bathe? And I'm like, you're doing that movie. Like you, the filmmaker, are actually doing that. No, props to the storyboard artist, you know, you know, there was a meeting where Ben Shapiro walks in. He's like, all right, I want to see wet hair, I want to see bare back and two inches of butt crack. Like, can we do, can you do titillating without tit? Can you, can you somehow split that difference? Yes, I want just elating. Yeah, exactly.

Ben, you want their hair to have a disease? Are you okay? Pathetically obvious. Yeah, well, and then also, like, we've got, we see the scenes occasionally through the obstructed, like the fogged glass, right? So that we can see that, no, no, those actors are really naked, though. we did make them get naked. You know, so, like, again, they, like, how much ass can we show without showing ass? The forbidden fruit aspect of conservative culture blows my mind, right?

It's almost like when you go to a church and you hear somebody preaching against a specific sin, quote, unquote. That's what you need to watch for in that person's life. Yeah, right? Yeah, right? Have you guys seen the death of the pastor's wife on Netflix? Yes. Right? Like, I kept coming out and going, and ladies, if you're not fucking.

your husband enough. I'll tell you what. Yeah. So, okay, so then we see the, we're back at the student union and all the people are like being forced to renounce America on camera so that we, the viewer, can turn to our friends and go, I wouldn't do it. Ibrahim pivots to video content in this moment. So that's fun. And they set up like a little YouTube studio for everybody to do their, their conversion to Islam, like straight to camera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's right out of the Bible, right? I mean, if you deny me before man, I will deny you before my father. There was a big story about this with a student who was killed at Columbine in 1999,

where she was asked, are you a Christian? And she would not deny her faith. And she was executed. And she became kind of a martyr for the faith. And there's almost a fetishizing of this type of, I will never renounce my God. And it's almost like, oh, shit, what was that Scorsese film with the Jesuits who refused? Yeah, yeah. You know, they weren't going to renounce God under penalty of execution.

And the whole time I'm thinking, save your life. Jesus will understand if in the moment you're like, no, I don't buy it. And if not, he's probably not worth your worship. What a prick, right? Just say no. Live to worship God another day. The cost benefit is just lie your ass off and get to safety. I thought that was pretty easy.

Yeah. We get one Christian girl who's, she's willing to. to die for not telling the lie into the camera. It's very stupid. There was one moment that I enjoyed in the scene. It's a ridiculously stupid scene. But then at one point, there's one terrorist guy off to the side. And he just starts eating a muffin.

And he brings like, stop eating the mutton. Those are not halal muffins, Dave. He spits it back. It's so good. So, but then, like, Christian, they're about to, pick Christian girl and make her deny her faith. But a reporter girl, Avery, she steps in and volunteers as tribute,

right, you know, to save her friend from having to go to hell or whatever. And then Dave, the big terrorist guy crunches an apple at the very end of the scene. There's big argument about like epistemology. Avery is supposed to be heroic and it's like crunch. So what, I'm hungry. I didn't need a guy, I didn't get to finish my muffin.

So, okay, so then we cut back to the tower. They're ready to strike, but they have to wait until the Muslims do the, their prayer because that's their weakness. I guess it's like Muslim kryptonite. So they're going to sneak into the tower right after the call to prayer, right? Now, the plan is that Terrence and Pichet are going to take the tower, right, with the AK-47 and the gun that has the clip that fits in it. While Dev goes to the student union where all but two of the terrorists are, saves all of the hostages and only has the gun where you have to push the clip in, right? So,

like you're trying to smoke a fucking poorly rolled joint or whatever. So they split up here, right? They're going to go into the tower. He's going to go do that thing. PJ admits at this point that he actually never did any overseas tours and he was just lying about this shit. I was never really. Also, I'm not technically a full samurai. I didn't earn the belt if I'm being honest.

So yeah. You guys should say that you forgive me for a line. I will teach you how to wield a whiskey glass and you will be lethal. to the enemy. So yeah, so but at this point, we cut back to the student union. Lizzie, who is still caring for the dying terrorist, is like, hey, guys, Seth was right. I need some kind of tools like an IV or something. That's a medical thing.

I need to go to them down to like, you know, the infirmary or whatever, right? So they send her with a Muslim chaperone so that she can be separated out later. Oh, and then we see, Dev, he's going up to the student union, and there's this moment where he looks up and he sees that they've taken down the American flag and hung a Muslim flag. Also that trans kid, but mostly a Muslim flag from the flagpole. You know what's interesting, too. I was thinking about like the ISIS flag and the Islamic symbol and the Islamic statement of faith, etc.

You can tell America has a blind spot when it comes to understanding Islam, not to go off too deep into the weeds. But when you say Muslim in this country, they just picture somebody who showed up wearing a dynamite. vest. Yes. But it shows that they don't understand that the vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast, vast majority of Muslims are peaceful people who are being themselves oppressed by radical Islamists. You think about the Iran Revolution, right? There's an entire culture of Muslim people. They just want to get up in the morning. They want to live in safety. They just don't want to, they want equality. They want to throw their hijabs in the trash. And they don't want to be miserable their entire lives. And yet,

Those are the people so often that are being targeted and tortured and killed by the Islamic regimes. And if you try to explain that to many of the binary thinkers in this country, they just wink out because they have been conditioned to think Muslim equals terrorist or they're complicit. They're the silent Germans. They aren't protesting enough. Therefore, they must love the fact that the buildings fell on 9-11, et cetera. And I find that very tragic. I mean, if you were to judge religious people by their holy books, let's talk a little bit today about the Bible. The blood to the bridles of the horses and whatnot.

Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so now we've got the strike, right? So we've got PJ and Terrence. They're sneaking into the tower. And Dev is sneaking past the big old pile of chairs that they left us trapped at the student union door. I think they'd feel like they would have locked them, all right? Would it have been better.

But, yeah, so he's going to save people. and he hears the bad guys down in the shower menacing the white women, right? So he very slowly moves into there, right? I guess he wants to let a little of the rape happen or something. But he gets down there and he sees that all the girls are in burqas. So he rescues them real quick, but not before he gets a burqa of his own. Okay. Is this where he saves like 30 hostages?

At least the movie is kind of claiming that's what's happening. But it's just like 30 people sitting there. on the honor system of hostage? Yes. Like nobody watching them? Nobody watching them. And he's like, you could just leave them.

You just want you. The door is open. They don't lock from the inside. So, but here's the thing though is that they haven't taken out the tower yet. So he's like, run, run. And they're like,

oh, those people who are shooting people from the tower, they're not going to shoot us. And he's like, oh, fuck, fuck. Because they run out and the people at the tower start shooting.

I'm like, I feel like you need to like, make sure first, right? But so PJ and Terrence, they start moving up quickly. He's got his Molotov beer bottle, but he accidentally drops it after he lights it and sets the ground that they're standing on on fire. Yeah.

And he has to like light a match and then like flames up and the snipers are like, there's somebody right there. We're going to shoot at them now. Obviously we would shoot at you. Yeah. One thing I love about the dorm facility is people taking cover behind sheet rock. Yes. I'm sorry.

I mean, you might as well be hiding behind rice paper for all that at care, you know. So they'll never shoot their own petunias. Yeah. And so at this point, PJ and Terrence have completely blown their mission, right? They set the ground they're standing on on fire and they have to run away. If the guys at the tower just kept shooting from the tower, they win. But no, both of them leave to chase PJ and Terrence now. Right. So they're on the fucking run there. Then we cut back to Dev. He's shooting. one terrorist, but he hesitates with the other, right, so that we can have a sweet hand-to-hand fight

in front of all of these naked women in the shower. And then it turns into a rassal fight. Yes. And they, they, like, spill into the gym area. Yes. And he kills him with the leg press sort of. He just smashes the guy's head in the leg press, I think. He actually just knocks him down and the thing falls down and crushes his head, right?

But they had this, they had a perfect moment where the kid could have been on the leg press, machine and the guy could have been over top of him and he could have pushed his legs and crushed the guy. And then he could have said never skip leg day and it would have made fucking sense. Yep. No. He just, the guy's head gets smashed and he's like never skip leg. Head.

They missed the chance of that hot fudge one liner at the end of dispatching a good guy or bad guy rather. Yeah. Too bad. Waste an opportunity. Oh, there's okay. There's one more later on in this movie that just it breaks my fucking heart because they were so close and they missed it.

But yeah, so he's taken out a couple of terrorists. He's rescued a few chicks. And then over at the tower, we have PJ and Terrence are on the run. And then they throw one of their Molotov beer bottles into the elevator with the bad guys so that we can see Muslims burn to death. Yeah. Yeah, right. So the doors on the elevator closing and PJ throws in a Molotov cocktail. I wanted so bad for the doors to just open, stop, open back up.

And he's just like, you can just open them back up. Fuck. They pick the one elevator in the country without an open door button on it. Well, you know what it was is that you know, you know how it is. You're always, which one is open and which is closed. Oh, fuck, I get the wrong. God damn it. God damn it.

Life was on the line. Are you guys going down? Yeah. Or, oh, wait. So, okay, so back at the student union, Ibrahim gets a message that they're under attack now, right? So, you know, he takes all of the terrorists and leaves all of the hostages alone by just like walking out on the port.

porch to see what's happening. So, okay. So then Deb comes in. All of the guys now are also completely unguarded. And he's like, wow, this is way fucking easier than I thought it would be. Guys, let's just leave. It's kind of like a video game. I just like step into the room and you all like stand up and just walk out. And then like, you know, checkmarked on like the checklist of mission objectives. So that was cool. I like though, he's like, get out of here. You know, honor system doesn't count. Since there's still people spraying bullets outside, they're like skeet. They literally just throw them out into the yard and figure, well, you know, the law of averages says you will survive. Yeah.

I like that when he tells him all to leave, there's one shirtless hostage guy, and he's just like, I don't know. And he's still holding the ISIS flag for the video background of the little YouTube studio they made. He's like, I'm sticking with this. But they all go to leave. But Kwan, of course, is a named character. So he's like, no, I'm going to stay and be a hero too. And then the Muslims come back in and it's time for a big gunfight. Right.

Dev manages to shoot the Nazi guy in the leg. Doesn't ever fucking matter. But then like Kwan, who is unarmed, just says, I'm going to take out the main terrorist with my bare hands. And I'm like, well, that's not going to go well for you. No, too early, man. This is like hitting the gnaws before it's time. Yeah.

That's obviously the main bad guy, dumbass. So yeah, he uses his curved scimitar of Muslimness to cut Kwan across the gut and Kwan falls down. We think he's dead. But no, he's a named character. He'll be fine later. He's going to come back in a really fun way, actually. Yeah, no, he is.

He is, yeah. So meanwhile, PJ and Terrence, they're done pew-puing and they've made it all the way to the police line. And then I'm like, so, okay, so how the fuck are there 27 minutes still in this goddamn movie then? Right. Seems like you're done. Yeah, they're fine now. Eternal film. Eternal.

You kept thinking, well, this will be the last big scene, right? And it kept not being... Next scene, you wake up next to Bill Murray and you're like, what the fuck? Brutal. Come on. Brutal. I mean, I like Bill Murray. So we cut back to the college. And apparently when they ran for cover, I feel like there had to be a sequence that was taken out of the film because it was even longer than this originally.

Because now they've split up with Terrence for reasons that we don't understand. And they've gone to safety and left Terrence behind. right so now he's walking around he finds professor pregnant she has finished giving birth all by herself off camera she's laying there with like coado from total recall lying on her stomach you know so then a terrorist comes in and he's like oh i love killing babies but just that terrence shows up and takes him out right he's shot in the melee though so that explains why he doesn't really do much for the rest of the movie she delivered her own kid is that how to have happened she was just in there natural okay all right yeah all right mom good on her and then she

turns to terrence and she goes i prayed for help and then you showed up an hour and a half later after i had to deliver my own fucking baby after god watched this entire thing on school could you shoot the umbilical while you're here i'm just saying it'll make a cool story for her later How accurate are you? I want to make sure you're damn accurate, but all right. Are those the right bullets? You got to hold it like. Yeah. So, okay. So then we cut back to the student union. He's lost all his hostages, but damn it. Abraham is a professional. Seth knows what this is about, right? He's finishing his fucking YouTube video.

He's lost all his hostages. Most of his guys are dead. His fucking Nazis has been shot in the leg, but he's like, no, we still have Lizzie. It's her turn to read the propaganda. Okay, I enjoyed this. This was almost my best worst. I almost had best worst, not. And so she's like, I'm not going to do it because I'm a Christian. And Ibrahim's like, cool, I'm going to shoot Avery right now then. And she's like, fuck, fuck, okay, fine.

I renounce America and Christianity, but I'm just, I'm going to add one more little thing. Not. No, I don't. Fuck you. And it was like, nailed it, ruined their YouTube video face. So, okay. So dawn breaks over the campus. And then they're broadcasting the call to prayer, despite the fact that it's only like the four of them or whatever. We have a long shot of all those dead libs littered all over the fucking campus.

Yeah, it's creepy too, because it's very Kent State. It recalls some very, very dark days in our history. And of course, when we link it to other, you know, on campus or elsewhere, other terrorist events. But the idea is that it was woke liberal propaganda that caused all this to begin, right? It was the inclusivity of us progressives who allowed the Muslims in that made this happen, that caused the slaughter of the innocence. It's really pretty offensive, I think. Yeah. Well, and in case we missed that, right, we go out to the FBI place where they're like, you know, where they're all stationed right at the border like Evaldi or whatever. By all, you mean both. Yeah, both. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Both of the FBI agents. They're just, is there a force field being created by a

drone right? I don't know what this is. Like horses at a river. Yeah. But we cut to that area and now the libs are protesting the FBI because they're also anti-police, right? So even, even now the liberals are out there protesting the people who are trying to help. Okay. So Devlin wakes up at the FBI thing and Jonathan Majors is back. He's recovered from his fall or whatever he can be in the movie again. But first they have to have a heart to heart about Devlin's dad and kind of resolve the cold open. It doesn't fucking matter. The only reason that I even bring it up is that at the end of it, he takes the photo,

right? The little picture of the family that he got from the soldier when he died at the very beginning of the movie. And he says, I think it's time for you to have this photo. And I'm like, you dick, you kept that photo this whole fucking time of this dude. I thought this would be like a good dramatic moment for fuck. Okay. You seem mad.

Remarkable that he was able to grow internal organs in the 45-minute times frame. Like they showed him sitting in the dorm room or wherever he was, he was not even remotely bothered by whatever round shot through his torso. He changed the shirt. When he got up out of the chair, he popped up out of that chair. Didn't even wince in pain, mild pain. So, wow. So, okay, so then he takes him,

takes a dev to see the head FBI lady. And she says, she says, we've nominated you for the congressional gold medal. An award so prestigious that none of us fucking ever heard of the damn thing. But it's funny, I looked this shit up and that's not something like, if you were going to nominate somebody for heroic act like that, it would be the congressional, it would be the presidential medal of freedom. This would be like her saying, like, I've nominated you for Eagle Scout. It's like, that's not how that works. we're used to making metals out of conjuring them out of whole cloth

it's a thing in this country so that's not too much of a stretch for me FIFA said that you are now getting a commendation for bravery congratulations to you but you know but dev has this moment he's like well why aren't you guys going in there

and killing the terrorists and she's like we're too woke and liberal he's like I'm going to have to do it myself damn it right so they sent devlin off and he's like he uses the old I have to pee trick. So stupid. Just to be clear, he's not, he's like, yeah, you should just kill him. And FBI is, it's not that they're too woke.

There's hostages still in there. So they're like, no, we're not just going to like run in there right now with a gun and see what happens. So he's like, well, I'm going to do that. I will. Yeah. So he gets PJ and of course Jonathan Majors figures out what they're doing. So he jumps into, he's like, I'm in the finale too. They're like, oh, fuck yeah.

So they arm up. And he's like, all right, let's endanger the lives of the hostages. Oh, they run out. He hotwires an ambulance, right? Yeah, and the FBI lead agent sees that happen because there's a video feed of that parking spot specifically. There's a live feed of that ambulance. And she's like, oh, is that John Major's getting into an ambulance? That's strange.

I thought it was stupid when I put a live feed of the ambulance. I hope he's not going rogue. He is wearing FBI raid jacket. But you knew shit was going down because the Mondo boys. finally started to play actual music. I actually heard guitars and drums. It wasn't quite team America, world police.

Like, it wasn't quite America. It was pretty fuck yeah. It was pretty fuck. Yeah. It was close. It was pretty fuck. Yeah. So, okay, so now back at the student union, the bad guys are getting ready to evacuate with their hostages, right? The Nazi has all the bombs

set to go off at once when they put in the code or whatever. We cut back to Jonathan Majors. He's given these kids, these fucking like I guess 20 year olds or whatever, a crash course on how to army, right? He's like, as we're being shot at, you'll want to do this.

You know, I'm like, I think this is a bad, you know, I don't think you have enough time for this man. He doesn't give him Kevlar either. They doesn't give him, like, they don't get any protected. They get essentially FBI raincoats. Yep. Yeah, he's like, if it rains,

you will be dry as you die. Wait, is that a medium cash might need that. You have to worry to go on. Also, for some reason, he's going to show up. He's going to show up. decided Jonathan Majors has decided to just chew a baseball worth of gum through this whole fucking scene. Okay. So then we get Kwan waking up from being dead. Yeah, we do. And he put some 90s rock

on the call to prayer app because that's been his thing the whole time. This rules. He struggles back. He's slashed through his whole chest and he struggles back up. And he's like, as my possibly dying act, I shall play my favorite 90s alt. I will play. Stone Temple fucking pilots. So to be clear, the terrorist laptop that he did,

that had Spotify installed. Yeah. He was like, click, click, click, click, click. Uh, Stone Temple pilots, Vaseline,

do you have that? Yes. Yeah. Oh, you did. All right. Great. Great.

And we, that's, we watch the good guys get hyped by this. They, because it goes to everybody's phone in the area because of the terrorist app.

So like, they're like, oh, is that fucking STP right now? I'm so excited. Vaseline's playing. I love this song. So,

of course they do. No, the first time Vaseline was featured in Ben Shapiro's climax. Hey! It was just a matter of time, wasn't it? It was just a matter of time. Before that happened. Well, well done, Heath.

Honestly, I feel like you should stop making wet vagina was a disease jokes there because you've done it to perfection, but I know it'll never happen, so I wouldn't even suggest it. That's forever. All right. So then we have our big gun fight. There's a great moment where the bad guy doesn't react to his squib at all. So we have to imagine he's super fucking human. So fucking Kwan starts like as they're having their gunfight,

Kwan starts working with the computers to like turn off the bombs. And I wrote in my notes, we haven't established this character as good at computers. Are we supposed to think he can do this because he's Asian? Asian. And then one fucking scene later, somebody says, how can you know,

how do you know how to do this? And he goes, I'm Asian. And I'm like, God damn it. That's my fucking job, you assholes. You fucking assholes.

Well, I'm scanning the horizon. in this whole scene. And I'm like, where are the 500, like, anti-tank missile armored vehicles? Where's the 10,000 armed soldiers from the military? Where's the perimeter, damn it? There's nobody. Right. Except for the two people in the FBI room. He didn't really have a budget for that, yeah. Yeah, there's a widget. Yeah. So then we get this moment where PJ saves Avery and he thinks he's been shot, but he had a bulletproof vest on.

So actually, he's fine and it's supposed to be, like, super funny. And then we've got Dev and Jonathan Majors now they split up, which is fucking hilarious because Devlin is going after Abraham the main bad guy, right? This college kid with a gun with the fucking bullets that fall out of it. And Jonathan Majors is going after the terrorist ISIS guy that they just flew in who is handcuffed. Fucking brick.

So, okay, now it's time for the fucking merry-go-round fight. You know how great movies have a great action climax that would be described as the merry-go-round fight? Well, we've got another one of that stale old trope. Another entry. Motion on several axes. Yes, at the same time. That's pretty impressive.

Oh, my God. So we've got fucking Ibrahim, he's got Lizzie as a hostage, and we've got Dev holding a gun on him, right? And they both decide to step on a merry-go-round together. and there could have been this really awesome because they keep like kind of losing sight of each other through the middle of the merry-go-round

and there could have been this awesome moment where Abraham realizes he can't see him and then we cut to Dev and he's laying in the ground as the merry-go-round comes around and he shoots him in the back or whatever. But their movie is too fucking stupid to think of that. So they just have the fucking tired-ass bit where the hostage grabs his scimitar knife

and stabs him in the leg and then Dev shoots him. But like STP is like Scrona-N-N-N-Nab. It's so, I'm silly and they don't know. And then meanwhile, Jonathan Majors goes and he kills the ISIS guy, right? That's fucking, he's shackled in a military helicopter and there are two soldiers guarding him.

And Jonathan Majors comes in and he goes, what's up, guys? I'm also a soldier. And they're like, oh, you can kill this guy then. So they just let him do it. That is, honestly, that is, I think, a fetish by many right-wing Americans. I think it let's go in. No, Negotiated. There was a movie that came out called Death Before Dishonor.

This was in the 80s. And it started a TV actor. I want to say his name is like Fred Thompson or something, which is a terrible name for an action movie star. But it was the whole thing where it was very 80s where it's like, and now American diplomacy. And it shows the hero with like a rocket launcher blowing up brown people, you know, for freedom. literally we must decimate our enemies because they they are subhuman and cannot be negotiated with it was very much yeah no he literally shoots very proudly do exactly that here yeah and he goes actually that's the american way shooting people were shackled in the head apparently who wolf yeah so okay so now

lizzie and dev embraced she is his prize for winning the movie the christian girl now loves kwan she is his prize for winning the movie. Avery now loves PJ. She is his price. And then Terrence walks out with the fucking professor pregnant. She is apparently his prize for winning the fucking movie. I think we all matched up with our love interest right here. This is a man.

Ah, you didn't get out of here. Ah, nice. Well, it's awesome, too, is that this very, very, very suspiciously weirdly happy ending, the song Breakfast at Tiffany starts playing. Yes, thank you. And that's a song about finding common ground. I was like, what? Did someone just like teleport this tune in from a different experience?

What are we talking about? So this all happened. They're like, all right, the terrorists are dead. And then Kwan was like, deep blue something, breakfast at Tiffany's perfect song. And it comes on the thing. And everybody's like, Kwan, you son of a bitch, you nailed it. Now that those icky brown people are gone, we can share a common world. Right, right. I also love the idea they're all like smiling and hugging. And there are dead bodies that have been just festering out there for a day and a half now all around them. And they're like, I think it all works out.

It's almost like, and this is a totally different kind of movie, but it's always the one I go to at the end of the original movie, Twister, that Jan DeBant released, where somehow our protagonists survive a direct hit by an EF5, by tethering them. themselves to a pipe and their skin is not ripped off of their bones. There's still wearing their clothes at the end of it. All of a sudden, the twister dissipates and the first thing they do is gaze into each other's eyes longingly and start to make out. It's kind of that weird Hollywood vibe, you know, like we can't just have them survive. They have to be blissfully happy at the same time. We have to imply that there will be some fucking later, yeah.

All right. Well, Seth, thank you so much for suffering alongside us today. This movie was no fun to watch, but I hope you had fun talking with us about it. Fun talking to you guys about it for sure. But for those who may have actually paid the cost to stream it, I'm very sorry for your loss. Yeah. Right. Don't forget to cancel that subscription. Yeah, I was going to say, it's the only thing keeping Daily Wire alive at this moment is our listener. All right. Well, I'm sure our listeners are familiar with the thinking atheist. If you're not by any chance, be sure check the show notes for a link. Is there anything else that you would like to plug while we've got you here?

No, the only thing on my horizon, other than the fact that October is Halloween month, we do a ghost stories podcast. That's always fun. And then October 23rd through the 25th, I'll be speaking along with a bunch of others at the Rocket City Reason Conference in Huntsville, Alabama. That's going to be part of the NASA Air and Space Marriott Hotel right there. And then we're all going to go tour the museum on the Sunday after the event. city reason.com for details on that event. Very cool. And I believe a friend of the show, Forrest Belke,

will be there with you as well. Yeah, they've got me as the opening keynote, and he's the closing. So apparently, we're descending in order of age. Thank you very much. I could start with me, and then we're just going to go down toward the young guy at the end of the Saturday. And well, that's going to do it for

our review of Run, Hide, Fight, Infidels. That's not going to do for the episode just yet, because we still need to hit that iceberg again. So Heath, tell us what's on deck. Psychiatrist. Max Pemberton takes on conventional thinking on ADHD. Is it really a neurodevelopmental disorder? Has modern life contributed to rising diagnoses? And for kids, is medicating the answer?

We'll be watching the great ADHD myth. Oh, great. Oh, I'm off this week. Oh, I'm so happy that I'm off to that one. I don't have to watch that shit. Thank you for having your birthday on this week, Lucinda. So with that, look forward to, to we're going to bring episode 576 to a merciful for flows.

Once again, a huge thanks to Seth for lending us the silky smoothness of his voice, as well as his wit and insight. You're more than just a sexy voice, Seth. And thanks to all the Patreon owners that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at p.com slash godawful and thereby earn early access to an ad-free version of every episode.

You could also have a ton by leaving a five-star review and sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the scaling aeat citation needed and d and d and scarecate. Available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can a and am willing. God awful movies at gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media along with Lily Bosnick.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slapney of People's Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Kirk. I was using with permission. Thanks again for giving us to chunk your life this week. For Heath Enright and Eli Bostic, I'm no illusions promised to work hard to earn another chunk. Until then, we'll leave you with the American graffiti clothes. Morgan went on to have Noah saying some weird.

weird shit just now. Also, Ben Shapiro's wife told him a wet vagina's disease and he believed her. That must be repeated. Jonathan Majors saw the same doomsday pre-sales numbers that were seeing. Robert Downey Jr. made $100 million goddamn dollars to come back. Oh, what money you could have made if you didn't suck so fucking bad. This content is scanned credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm to their hotline at 617-249-24-255.

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