God Awful Movies - 65: GAM065 Holyman Undercover

Episode Date: November 15, 2016

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Holyman Undercover, the story of a bunch of Christian extremists trying to write about other Christian extremists so as to make them seem wacky. Watch as Baptist evolution deniers throw down against Anabaptist zipper deniers in a film that features David AR White taking on dual roles, and failing miserably at both. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

Un chapuzón, con el hábito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parkesur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con martes y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, I'm looking at a Annie Logan White's face here and it just if I had to describe it in one word I'd call it sharp it's jagged and it actually explains David air White's face I feel like he's been eroded down by years of jagged face contact and now he's got that shape It's loaded down by years of jagged face contact and now he's got that shape.

Yeah, like those moths that make the super smooth stone but his face. Yeah, exactly. God awful. Movie. Movie! Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because these movies are now officially less terrible than reality. I'm your host Noah Luzonz and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right heath. Welcome back That to be here Noah. I'm having a great week Fantastic and sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnig Eli How are you this preapocalyptic afternoon sir? I'm really great. No when I wear the arm band Which arm does it go have we decided which arm it goes on yet? I don't want to be the guy who wears the arm band on the wrong arm on the first day trying

to get ahead yeah no that is verboten all right all right so let's change the fucking subject so he tell us what will we be breaking down today we watched holy man undercover boy did we it's a movie about how crazy the Amish people are, written by evangelical Christian people. So it's basically 90 minutes of like a guy in a cancer ward laughing at the guy next to a like, you can't cure it by drinking maple syrup, idiot. What?

Oh this? No, I'm shooting bleach up my ass with a power washer You fucking yoke'll read a book Anyway, how bad was this movie well if you hate minorities and poor people and you'll love David R. White and silly outfits You will love this movie This movie is like a wacky comedy written by the KKK. That's essentially what it is. Like you get to find out what David R. White thinks is funny and it is terrifying. If there had been a comedy lynching in the middle of this movie, I wouldn't have caused it. But I've been like, yeah, sure. I can see why David David our white thinks that's funny. It was so bad. Alright,

so Monday we had to do this emergency like last minute re-record of an episode for this show and Eli got ticketed for putting his face in a cops lap without permission and then and then on Tuesday the future of American democracy was permanently subverted by objects stupidity and then on Wednesday we had to watch this movie. So worst day of the week go. The next 1528 days of the week until January 21st, 2020 minimum, all tied for worst. All tied. Yeah, no good answer. Sunday, I got a tear in my favorite socks. Some about the president. Was there an election? I don'll follow politics. I'm just not a super political person. What I miss. I know.

Yeah. Right. The building's not important. No, yeah. No one can't stab through Skype. And that's why I'm trying to. No, I can't. I can't.

It's a good thing too. All right. Well, so obviously the big draw in this movie was the ability to finally see David AR weight tight take on the dual role challenge, right? Well, so obviously the big draw in this movie was the ability to finally see David A.R. weight take on the dual role challenge, right? It was been saying that for years, Peter Sellers, Eddie Murphy, Davey White. So before we even get this one started, I'm wondering if you guys had any ideas for like for David A.R. White's next multi role challenge?

I'm going to go with like a black face character a yellow face character an Indian and by that I mean feather not dot character and then a Jew character just so that we can really wrap him into his own section of the splc website you know Start it all started with they walked into a bar. Yeah, no, I like it I like it and is there anything you guys like to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? I'm going to say best worst bad actor incapable of acting any better or worse than he actually is as an actor. He's got this tiny little talentless zone and he cannot go either direction. They try to have him do it. We'll talk about it. You can't do it. Uh, I've got two. Uh, my first is best worst attempt at creating a catch phrase. Throughout this movie, and we'll talk about it, they say, Holy man, and a car, about

175 times. And you know, there was someyear-old running around his church going holy man And everyone was like stop it stop trying to make that work Stop trying to make holy and holy man undercover a thing And the second is best worst woman doing what she thinks non-Christian women do sexy female bad antagonist in this movie thinks that loose women or non-Christian women or movie stars are cats. Just cats. She very clearly, the only behavior she can mimic throughout this is cats.

She very clearly saw someone be like, I'm a little cat. And so she's just like, oh, look at me, I'm shitting in a litter box, huh? How un-Christian. It's nuts. This movie was so sexy. So sexy.

She chased us a little laser light around, yeah. I had one that I wanted to throw this out for. It was the best at being the worst at being a Christian movie I mean it was so perfunctory and and and and just I it felt like a like a lazy time traveling Christian screenwriter Just got a hold of one of our bingo cards and said fuck yeah someone else wrote out the formula y'all pretty much All right, well obviously we all need a little more amannik, G rated least salacious comedy right about now. So we're going to keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll take a deep dive into David A.R. White and his wife. And then we'll get back to recording the show.

Ball and a cup, ball and a cup. The ball and the cup game. Heath, Heath, buddy. Damn it. All right. Hey. Oh, I'm I'm I'm sorry to you. Were you ballin' cupin'? Yeah, man. I was ballin' cupin'. Wow. It really smells in here. I have not been in your room before. Oh Yeah, no, sorry. I need to do a laundry. Yeah, no see he's that's what we came to talk to you about buddy We we got a new sponsor this week. Oh yeah, sponsor. Cool. Well, if it's Casper mattress, I was working on a song. I think me and Anna could do it. I'm not telling you, but it's like, it's like, when I say Casper, you say a mattress, Casper, mattress,

Casper, mattress. And then we just, we, yeah, I'm not done. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe sure. No, it's not Casper mattress though. It's actually, it's a Mac Weldon. They make like super duper nice socks and underwear and t-shirts and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and a lot of them are antimicrobial. So they cut down odor.

Dude. Oh, for someone who might need it, anybody. Yeah, yeah, everyone could use that. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah, everyone could use that. Oh, cool, yeah. Yeah, so. Anyway, I was thinking maybe you would wanna try out some of the samples that they sent us. Oh, nah, I'm good.

I got this t-shirt, my uncle got me for eating an entire gallon of chili, it starts me pretty good, it's a, oh, that's chili on the shirt. No. Sweet Jesus. Okay, how about some underwear, huh? They're so sure you're gonna love them that if you buy your first pair and don't like it, then you can to keep them and they'll return your money. Yeah, yeah, thanks for the heads up, but I got these. I mean, lasticks pretty much shot, so I had to safety pin them close, but you know, they're like fine.

I just don't know how to do this. Look, at least try some of the socks, man, they're comfortable, stylish, and it's nothing to do with you personally. We just want to be able to tell people that they can go to Macwellden.com and get 20% off using the promo code Awful. You know, Awful, like the state of your current socks. What color did they start? Did they will hear you?

What turns it green? Alright guys, welcome to the first writers meeting of Holy Man Undercover. Now today what we're going to do is just kind of like, you know, just spit ball some fun and wacky things for the Amish people in this movie to do. There are no wrong answers here. Just throw them out, throw them out. Okay, okay, well, you know how they're like afraid of technology?

I do know that, yeah. So, what if they like don't understand light bulbs and stuff and we like have them interact with like light bulbs A freighter 10,000. Yeah, good one. Good one. All right. Oh, how about the big guy is called tiny? Huh? Because they're omnis. Yeah, he's small. He's not. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Okay. What if they're like worried about their kids leaving and never coming back or even better like if they changed too much they disown them Like like they go no you've been affected by the outside world get out of my house

Oh what what well? It's just like I mean We do that we do that. We do that. Oh, yeah. All right, well, okay, well, what if they're like, what if they're like literally afraid of the devil? Like they think he's a real, like person, they come. No, dude, that's us too.

Yeah, we do that also. What are you trying to say, man? No, I mean, I was just trying to think. Because look, we're all trying to come up with fun, wacky, backward behaviors. These crazy Christians are coming up with. And I feel like you keep coming back to us. So unless you have a problem,

just come up with some stupid stuff that they do and we don't, so we can make fun of them in our hilarious comedy, okay? Okay, are they? Right. They don't know how to drive cars? That's true. They don't have cars.

Okay. How's your gay brother? How the hell would I know? I haven't seen him in 10 years. Right. We forgot. And we're back for the breakdown. And I just want to say, after the week we've been having before we recorded this, I so needed that pureflix logo.

It's a weird relationship that David A.R. White and I have at this point. I've talked about this before, but like eventually I'm going to run into David or white. And it's going to be this weird moment where I'm going to be like, hey man, I've seen literally all of your movies and he's going to be like, you so much and i'm gonna be like no no no i mean thank you like please keep this literally my job i love hating you i love that you make movies Dave. Also, by the way, this movie got 2.8 stars on pureflix. Hey, yeah, on pure. It's only out of four there, but still people who pay for Christian Netflix rated this a low C minus just barely as it's like a Republican primary. Yeah, not good. But did you, did you check out any of like their reviews like why they some of them rated it one star?

Because it was too salacious Yes, yeah, and and you can tell he's really pushing the boundaries here Cuz like right away the very first thing that we see is him looking into the camera David A. R. White saying I am Satan You know the audience like gas like no, yeah, he's a Christian, I don't see it in the magazine. And several people you know, like slam their laptop shut and we're like, oh, Mary, look, guys, hold me that in. And they drink me.

One star, one star, why would you? Why would you date? You're a simple pastor. And you and your Negro friend, we're going to go to Disney World. I'm allowed to say that is Trump's America. Because people were nice enough to me. That's what it was. So, yeah.

Here's the thing. I have to paint this picture for you because so much of the movie is going to be based on your ability to understand how wacky this is right away. We start this movie off with David A.R. White in like a leather onesie and a cape talking about how he is Satan. There are sexy chicks salaciously dancing on either side of my promise to stop saying salaciously eventually. But we have to point out the sexy dancing is not sexy dancing.

It is women's version of sexy dancing. You ever seen that scene in a cowboy movie where the bad guy shoots at like a farmer's feet and he's like, dance. They're dancing the way that farmer dances. They're like, I think it means touching my hips. I'm worried about the demons getting in about the hey mock arena. All right, enough of that. Is that the forbidden dance I can't remember? I think that's the mock arena. Yeah. Also, we left out perhaps the most beautiful thing

about this moment, which is there's the sexy ladies. There's David R. White saying, I am Satan, which again makes this the best movie of all time. But there's also just a fat guy. There's just a fat bald guy near the bottom of the screen being like, I'm also here. It's me, Dave the plumber. And if you're wondering, hey, will that character ever matter or mean anything? Nope. That guy's just in the opening shot Featured very prominently along with the sexy ladies who will be characters and David R. White. Yeah He donated the most on Kickstarter. I do believe. Oh look at me gave a thousand bucks. I'm also a devil coming for you You need your pipe so he's like wearing a t-shirt of his company. They made him change out of it. All right, all right. Shobis, huh? Where's that craft services?

And David airway is like going for it here, but he's trying to be I guess like an over the top act. Like this is what he thinks his acting doesn't seem like this like where the stars and the whole it feels like a like a coon brothers thing but they lost a bet or they were trying to win a bet or like a prank war it's really weird. Yeah, what the fuck am I watching was the most prominent note. So we get that and then we and then somebody else and cut or whatever we're like oh this isn't really happening in real life it's a anyway and then we get literal cartoon credits worth which were by far I feel like the most enjoyable part of the film yeah it's kind of fun

and I have to point out that at this point I found out because I'd watched the preview and I didn't recognize him and then I saw his name and I was like oh my god that's who it is. Fred Willard being in this movie is less adorable than when he jerked off in that movie theater. I just want to say. Legitly. No. Never charged. I think he was. I'm going to Google it. So yeah, so now we're're gonna start things out six months earlier then the credit the credits i guess and we we find out right away that we're gonna get ourselves a down-home voiceover from david ar white and who doesn't love a good down-home voiceover absolutely i'm omnis That's why I'm playing a brand new violin. The one from me

has sunglasses from Empire One. He's done nothing about the Amish. Well, it's so funny, because like I actually tried to look some stuff up before we did this. I'm like, okay, there's going to be a lot of Amish stuff. I don't really know jack shit about the Amish. And I'm like, oh, that makes me overqualified. the reserger for this. No. Yeah, you learn everything you need to know when he pronounces room springa as room shabringa. And the character is all pronounced it differently throughout the movie.

Is one character says room springa, one character says room shabringa. At one point his mom just starts it room and then lets herself sort of trail off into cues and ours and Quim and bring a Shrew up Shrewbitty He talks like I spell that's my point. He talks like

Yeah, so they're setting up this Amish community and we I'm pretty sure immediately get a racist moment. So a car full of Asian people drives by and I'm pretty sure they say God zero like that. Absolutely do. They all say it together like God zero. God zero. God zero. Which means that and this is really important for us to take time with. That means that either one David R. Wright was doing the racist stereotype or two, and this is what I believe to be true. David R. Wright thinks that's how Japanese sounds. He might just think like, because you know how we do like

a fun time. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He might just be like, yeah, no, that's Japanese. Like, gosh, you rock, gosh, you rock, you rock, right? I bet if we blah. He might just be like, yeah, no, that's Japanese. Like, gosh, era, gosh, era, gosh, era, right? I bet if we asked him, he'd be like, yeah, no, I thought that was just Japanese. I don't have time to hire Japanese people. Actually, we'd back in checked. It's actually spelled racistly in the subtitles with ours. We expect nothing less.

That's what happened. I'm pure flex. We also get a really good jugular of pins right now. Do you enjoy that part, the really good jugular of pins? I'm googling like, they don't use plastic, do they? I'm as people that's, those are plastic clubs. Yeah, yeah, and he must have been practicing that for minutes upon minutes before they,

all right, and then we get the most unrealistic line that we ever get in any Christian movie and go back to every movie We've done and understand the gravity of that statement David A.R. White's character says because it's my 18th birthday today Well, they are gonna go back on that they are not enough Yeah, exactly because we do spend the first 10 minutes of this movie going, oh, David, our white's 18, David, our white's 18. So he died his hair blonde to cover up the gray at age 18.

Weird. Weird. Alright. He's got Benjamin Button. This will be interesting. Yeah. I'm not going to go with this. Yeah.

And just to be clear here, he was like 39 when they filmed this and he wasn't like, he's not like a young 39. Yeah, so, but it's, but he's turning 18 and like we said, we'll get back to that. So this is his rum spring up party or whatever, is rum springing away party. And we cut to an entirely not amish event with fancy plastic signs, a band, and a ceiling strung with lightbulbs. Literally strung with lightbulbs. Yeah, so and this is where we meet Edie McClarkey plays, she plays his mom. And man, does she mail it in?

All of the legitimate actors in this movie stare right into the camera and are like, and then my next line is, please son, don't leave. Great. There you go. You got it. Nope. One take. That's what you get. You get one fucking take. That's the second only to Fred Willard who does the worst performance in this movie. And on purpose, very clearly on purpose. I know what an actor only being willing to do one take looks like and that is Fred Willard in this movie. What's this fucking close? Yeah, and what she's contractually obligated to convey here is that she's very sad because her brother Jehosa fat went off at Rumspringha and never came home.

And she's worried that her son will do the same. And this whole scene we need to point out is just like, look how backwards they are. And there's so many things they have in common that are just taken slightly forward to make it the people who made this movie. And it's like, your brother left and never came back. And we're supposed to be like,

ha ha ha ha. But if she was like, your brother's gay and we abandoned him we'd be like hey man. That's totally fine I don't know why why is that no? Oh, I was That's a great way to behave this movie's dumb movies dumb one star one star first the end is being sick I smashed my computer just out of fear the way Kurt Cameron told me to my computer just at a fear the way Kurt Cameron told me to. So, all right. So now we move away from the barn dance so that we can revisit the obviously this actor is significantly older than 18 problem.

So they have him walking with his uncle, Tiny, who tells him, you know, hey, it turns out we've been lying to you this whole time, you're not really 18. He's 28 and I was like, oh, keep going, movie. I'm going to do that. Uncle, maybe it's time for Uncle skinny, the big fat guy to come in and explain that David or white is 75. It's funny. The truth just sounds different different doesn't it?

So and they also they try to make a comedy beat out of this go he's going like wait a minute That would mean I was still wearing diapers when I was and his uncle tiny goes I mean you were still breastfeeding when you were and then he throws up in the bushes because he was sucking on his mother's breast That I guess 13 years of age. I don't, I don't know. It helps you absorb the nutrients better. I didn't find that funny. So, all right.

So now, you know, we've had enough wacky fun with the, well, not quite enough wacky fun with the backwards homage. So we get the seeing him off scene where mom's like, call if you have any trouble. And dad's like, we're on this honey. We don't have phones. And we're like, oh, that's, that's, that's, that's off. That's so sweet. Did they tried to put comedy in there?

Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, look at him trying to comedy. Also, tiny moment, but this is where dad walks up. And this was written into the script. You can see the actor checking in, being like, I think I'm saying a racist line. He goes, son, the women in LA, they come in all sizes and colors.

Colors, you get it? Color, lock in with me. Colors, colors. If you sow your wild oats, sow them in dark earth you locked in All right, you're coming back to the milk shit. I want you to go out there and get some chocolate Yeah, all right, I'm gonna whisper that they want to eat in your ear and that is my part in this movie Yeah, that's the function ice yeah I'm gonna whisper that they want the dinner here and that is my part in this movie. Yeah, that's just a function, I swear.

Yeah, so dad's warning about the multiracial women sexually abusing Amish men. That's a standard thing in society. Yeah, and it's too bad they don't have the internet. They could have shown some of Eli's websites. That would have been useful. I've sent them to pureflex, although I think my email is blocked yet. My email is blocked, I, my email is blocked. I get it.

I'm really blame him. And not ready for you yet. That's all it is. And there's this weird awkward moment where the dad is like clearly telling his son that he used to have hand-drawn Amish porn. I don't know. I don't know. Is this dad going to start jerking off in front of his son?

This is really, I don't like this. Well, and this is one of many that that i wrote in my nose like who is this movie for because these jokes are are too racy for christian audiences and for anyone who likes racy jokes they're just stupid so who is the intended audience here yet the goal here was very clearly david our white span around in his chair in front of his writer's room and was like, guys, the goal is without a paddle too.

All right, so now he heads to Hollywood because while a lot of armaged people, you know, when they go off on their own, want a party and smoke drugs and have vaginal sex, what he wants to do is go to L.A. to be a missionary and spread the word of Jesus. And maybe even meet his uncle Jeho Saphat who never came home. And we get the 900th big city montage that we've had in these goddamn movies and the things that

the filmmakers very clearly think are wacky are just so stupid and mild like this cut of a vegan restaurant and a Scientology place and you know that the people watching man, how do they do it? New adventure every day of vegan, but would it be just salads? I don't even know. I don't even know. Is a vegan restaurant like a dangerous vice? He needs to avoid. It's like Eli walks outside, come try this textured sole protein is. To be fair, based on how people react to my cooking, that is the most dangerous. I could be offering an ally. Well, I also love that because he tried to do this over and over again this boy,

does this guy look out a place in the city? Look, he sticks out like a sore thumb. But as city dwellers, we know no one looks out of play. There's no way you could dress where like in New York people would be like Oh, that guy doesn't look normal here. We step over the dead in big cities We step over the dead in big city. There's multiple incidences a year of people stepping over the dead until a cops like Ah, this guy's been dead for 20 minutes. Come on people and an Amish guy is not gonna catch attention Well, no, and that's the thing is that like the scene is clearly supposed to be like,

wow, boy does he stick out like a sore thumb, but for me, as a person who's wandered around in cities, are we playing where's Waldo for a montage? Right. And now it's time to offend poor people because you know, here's the thing. Up until now, this movie was wacky, but it hadn't really shown the ugly side of what these people think is funny, and this is going to be the beginning because he gets approached by a bum who, again, it's a Christian movie is in blackface. I mean, I smudge myself up as a chimmy suite for our live show at QED as a joke. This guy is

covered in black. He's not blacked up like to be a black person. He's just like poor people, they're smudgy. Yes, that's exactly exactly. And he says, hey, man, can you spare a latte? Cause it's LA. So the poor people there beg for lattes. Yeah, but they settle for dollars

when he doesn't have a latte. So of course, when David A.R. White gives one bum a latte, what happens? All the bums want a dollar from him. He literally, literally the message of this movie is, hey, don't give homeless people a dollar of their own mob you and kill you like zombies. We're going to treat the poor like zombies for the next 10 minutes of this movie literal zombies so much so by the way that if you look at the credits these extras are listed as zombie bum one zombie bum two zombie bum I shit you not that's what that's how they list these

people in the credits as zombie black face zombie bum one, I'm not proud of that moment. It's still in my resume because there's not much else there. I'm not proud of that. But yeah, like this is literally this is Republican nightmare. And the thing is, it's all delivered with a wink and a nod. Like, you know, because this is exactly how it happens. You try to give one guy down. They all just suddenly want to drink your brains. At this point, I wrote in my notes, if he takes out a shotgun and shoots these homeless guys in the head, I take it all back. I love this movie. Another good time to check out an Eli website.

I hope. No, but luckily. Andrew made me shut that one down. It's very illegal. Stop telling people to kill Donnetics. That's a Christiana brothers did a thing they didn't do. Mimimim. I don't need a fee to read it, didn't kill their daughter.

Put that down. Those are bomb making instructions. Mimimim. I don't know why we started in first place. All I did, no, no. That's a world full of rules. Sorry. But now, luckily for little little homage, the character's

name is Roy, by the way, you'll see why I have to tell you that in a minute. Lucky for Roy, his uncle shows up to save him from the dependent class. His uncle is also played by David A.R. White. David R. White plays his uncle Brian by putting on a black curly wig, tucking a pillow under his shirt like a pregnant lady costume, putting on a fake mustache and talking the way Noah does when he does a Jewish accent. That is how this character is played throughout the movie the entire time. He looks like Pablo Escobar. He looks almost exactly like Pablo Escobar.

Well, and the way I described it to my wife, this character that he's playing is like, have you ever seen that dad whose daughter is like 13 years old and he's trying to make her laugh with the stick that she only pity laughed at when she was eight, but he still does the stick. That's his character in this fucking movie. Yeah. It's really dark because you can tell people on set were cracking up. I can always tell when someone's been told they're funny when they're not. Because they're like, huh, I'm a mess.

I'm an avat. Like, you know, David R. White walked up to Fred Willard not, because they're like, huh, I'm a mess. I'm gonna vent. Like, you know, David R. White walked up to Fred Willard at one point and was like, you and me, couple of improvisers and Fred Willard was like, if you talk to me, I'll stab you and he was like, right, forgot that was in your contract, okay. Well, that was a real good.

I thought those were props. This is not part of the character is it, it's just to keep me away, gotcha. Gotcha, no, I understand, I get it, it's you're not the first. See you later, coworker. One of our actors had a hammer that he used for the same purposes. It was weird. But porn stash David A. R. White says immediately basically is what did you do? Did you use the J word in public? And that's the voice, by the way. You know, you can't show the word of the Lord in public.

That's, and that's like his guess, right? Like this character, first of all, it's a coincidence meeting. It just so happened that the first person who he happened upon in LA was his uncle. So they don't even know who each other is at this point. But secondly, his first guess is, oh, there's a bunch of homeless white people in smudge face chasing after you. You must have publicly said Jesus, which is true. That is what happens. So maybe that's more common in LA than I'm giving it credit for.

I'm not a West Coaster. To be fair, I do attack those little Spanish ladies who hang out with the watch tower and the subways, but I thought that was just me. The judge told me it was just me. I don't know. So we're going to meet. So the Jehosa fat character, his, his renamed himself Brian, which is good, because that's easier to spell in my notes. So whatever. So Brian is David A. R. White and a porn stash. And Brian is teaching his nephew about how you teach the word of the Lord in L.A.,

which is step one, you don't go around using the J word. And this is where we learned something really important about this movie. And we all realized it simultaneously that this movie is David R. White explaining his existence to himself. I mean, they literally have at least justifying his own profession to himself on screen and literally and figuratively. Yeah, absolutely. This scene is like, look, you can't just walk up and hand someone a Bible. You've got to make the movie. Make a movie.

And in fact, the people who make the Christian movies are the best Christians because they're actually getting listened to, said this character, said this character, and then put your wig back on. No, no, no, I got stuck to said. Because I went in our dish in for soup, and what I asked for a group prayer with the casting director, they said no. And I just feel like I was too young, and I maybe had potential, and I'm a casting director, they sent no. And I just feel like I was too young and I maybe had potential and I'm trapped.

So this is the double down movie, okay? This is where we double down. And our notes and this scene are remarkably similar. If I don't know if we've ever had a scene where we all all written down such similar shit. Because the the first thing this is where they arrive at Brian's apartment and the first thing we learn is that Brian's apartment is filled wall to wall with guns. There will never be a reason for that, right? Nope. No, absolutely not. And I think that might be part of the reason for the one stars. Some guy was like, well, I don't understand

why y'all got to make fun of guns. That gentleman seems like he's prepared for when Obama comes. One star, you missed it this time, David. You missed it. I love you. I forgive you. You're my brother. You're more wife. You're my husband. But you missed it this time. You missed it. You shot too low. You shot too low. Jim Baker buckets make a really nice tape. I think that's not unreasonable. Well, that's funny to yell the prep for the apocalypse. He's stupid. All right, so this is where he goes off on his little monologue. Okay, so this character Brian owns six TVs that are on when they walk in the door. Now, there is some amazing shit that happens in this little monologue

because he's like I get 750 channels but only six of them are devoted to the Lord so apparently that's what we're looking at we're looking at the six Christian networks one of which is cartoons and He actually says here He complains that the Christian channels are all lumped together so you don't accidentally come across them when you're flipping through channels. And I'm like, you know what, those A-sportists do the same thing with the sports channels, those bastards. Like that's how the channels are, you're really, you've really like written into a fucking script that you're complaining about the fact that they don't sprinkle them in. For the people that just hold down up to 600 channels and are like, not gonna what?

This is also where he's like, has like a TV montage about how talking it is. Like, oh, you know, TV's really appealing. If you want a laugh, it can help you laugh. If you want a cry, it can help you cry. If you want fiction, you've got CNN. You get it? They say that there's global warming and evolution.

Yeah, and that's the thing, again, this is delivered with a wink and a nod. And that's why I love doing this, right? That's when I realized that there actually is some purpose in what we do. When we get those little moments, those little behind the scene, wink and a nods from the groups of people we aren't. Right. Like, oh, that's funny to these people. That's why Donald Trump is our president.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm going to get depressed again. I'm going to start cutting again. We're going to start. It's okay. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is.

David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretends to know what Coke is. David our white pretending to know seven full lines of table long full lines It's create yeah He's got he's making like a large batch of cookies on a mirror I mean look that's kind of a movie trope so like David our white some credit, but it's rarely more exaggerated aside from Scarface.

How much cook is like the amount of cook a human does in this movie. It is a huge life and ramparts, multiple ramparts of cocaine on this mirror. The drone should be driving tanks over these So now Skippy goes out into LA to win hearts for Jesus. So we get another Out of place in the city montage, right? So just a tiny moment here Did you notice there was another moment with a remote control car? Yes movies now where Christians have been Really focused on the miraculousness of remote control cars. Inside baseball thing, what am I missing? Also, we get a cut of him like asking a girl if she'd like to accept Jesus and she slaps him and then covers him in cola and like not even we would do

that and we're like the scathing ones. We put it in the title and we'd be like, no man, like I've seen how Noah reacts to Christians. He's just like, you know, your book recommends rape and the lady's like, oh no, we've done the one to talk to him. I can't see. I can't see. Go away. Cleveland, Indians mascot.

So I see. I also love how like they're trying, they're clearly shooting for the, you know, crocodile Dundee is in New York City kind of a moment where like he doesn't know how to escalate or works or whatever, but they don't know how to do that. So like he goes to speak to this surfer and he's like, Hey, surfer, man, would you like to hear about Jesus and the guy turns around? He's got a surfboard on his head and he knocks him over. I'm like, that's not an amish, wouldn't know that. They don't, they know that solid objects knock them down.

The amish don't believe in reflexes. So, yeah, so he gets back to Brian's apartment after an unsuccessful day of winning hearts and souls for Jesus But Brian has decided to take him to an audition so he can be a movie star and there's this amazing scene where David our white is like mugging and doing comedy Into a mirror. Oh God, and I just had this amazing dream where like I get to meet David our white and he challenges me to a comedy off Dream we're like I get to meet David our way and he challenges me to a comedy off Really I've heard your little show. Maybe you saw a movie called holy man under cover. Let's go Oh, he's just very as he does his mind karate come on people there is literally no one I wouldn't kill to make that happen I'm just I'm throwing out out the John Lennon, if if if John Lennon says, listening, look, then you should, you should sacrifice yourself really at this point to make this happen. You would bring so much joy to people when

they need it most. I'm just, we got a Patreon go right there. Okay. A lot. The day of the day our white versusie com death to the death we can do that can't we andrew and donald trump's world i feel like we can do that i feel like there'll be a law that says we can do that there's no question we are months away from trial by combat being totally and a struggling sweaty out of breath andrew explains how they got away with it to

thomas on opening. I'm glad you asked. Um, well, okay, how do I, oh boy. Um, wow. You ever make a peanut butter sandwich out of your own poop? Because I did. I did this weekend, Thomas. Yeah, that's one thing to look forward to over the next four years. How increasingly frazzled Andrew is on that show. So we should point out at this one because this is the third time they say the title of the movie in the movie, the Holy Man undercover. And what this means in this movie, in the world of this movie, is a Holy Man undercover is somebody who you think is just out there trying to get famous as a real actor, but is secretly

or any other profession, any job, any just real actor is just the first one that popped into his mind. But in reality, he's trying to preach to the word of the Lord by like sneaking references to Jesus into the scripts of other shows or something. This movie, this movie. Right, okay, so I remember one time my uncle bought me some present, my atheist uncle bought me some present and for Christmas, and you look on the packaging

and there's just a little like Isaiah, such and such, such and such, the Lord loves you or whatever, snuck into the packaging. Obviously designed to go overlooked by the parent who bought the present, but be seen by the child who goes through the packaging a little more carefully, right? That's the behavior this movie seems to be like glorify it. Yeah, absolutely. This movie would be like if in when we made a movie, it was just like, well, I mean, I guess the best way to spread Intelligence and science that are you see would be some sort of podcast that you know makes fun of those things that we don't like

I've stretched top of my head. I guess that's what a hero with a 19 inch cock would do That personal ever come around patreon.com Free bonus episode every month as well as a commercial free edition of every show. Yep, there's also that. Yeah, so so they get to the audition. Now I want to talk about the the audition here, right? Because what we've got is we have a line of about 2,300 people, all of different ages, ethnic ethnicities and some of them are in costumes one is dressed like Marilyn Monroe one is dressed like Charlie Chaplin just that what the fuck could you be auditioning for what the fuck audition could have

possibly brought out that group of people ooo extra in david our white's wacky comedy about a long time ago. I love how they, you know, they reference those two people in history. I mean, just mentioning them is funny, Charlie Chaplin and Marilyn Neurop. It doesn't matter if there's a reason. Yeah. I know. I know.

Clearly. We have to talk. So Andrew Logan White, David Or White's wife is in this movie. And he, you notice something about this that I didn't because I never remember his her his wife's name. I just remember Jesus wife. What's her character's name in this movie? Oh yeah. So her character's name is Annie Logan and her name her real name is Andrea Logan white and people call her Annie. And they went with Annie Logan, so she wouldn't be confused. But you know what,

I don't know if you guys remember this, but we've noted that before about David A.R. White, how often his characters' names are David. Yes. Or last named White. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, I love this, because when we first meet her right,

she walks out and everyone, all of the people in the audition are going to like oh my god that's anti-logan that's anti-logan oh look it's anti-logan and i'm guaranteed that that's like in her writer which is like they present to her yeah exactly is like like okay i'll be in your movie but all the extras have to act like they recognize me and i'm famous i think that's like method scripting uh... little uh... behind the scenes here okay all the actors trying to stuff their head shots literally inside a casting director is realistic but i feel like that's

just broken clock twice a day stuff i just want to say and he actually knows about that it's just something we had to do so is so now she escapes into the alley right any log and escapes into the alley we have not shit on homeless people enough by making zombies out of them because sometimes they're also armed thieves right so this homeless guy comes up to her and says like you could I get some change lady and she is such a vile bitch about giving him change that I wanted him to insert it into her nostril afterwards Or just put it up his own ass just be like oh, okay, I won't spend it on booze

Here tell you what why don't you write me out a list of things that I can spend this money on and then I'll fuck it And then I'll pop the list in front of you He's like I don't need a lecture lady, but we're supposed to be like, we, the pureflix viewers are supposed to be like, ungrateful. See this, this is why if they're going to die, they'd better do it. Oh, what's that from? I think that's a Charles Dickens quote. I'm just like Charles Dickens.

But because, hey, she dared to tell him not to spend it on booze. He pulls out a gun and decides to rob her instead. Yeah, exactly. And look, I can't even tell right because she goes to give him the money and she's like, you better not spend this on drugs or booze. And I can't because like later on in the movie, this character is supposed to be like a hard-hearted bitch kind of character, but I can't tell if this is part of that setup or not. Well, she's just trying to make America great again. I see.

You see, now I'm depressed again. But then David, our white comes out. Yeah. And we get to see how David, our white, understood the, that's not a knife scene from Crocodile Dundee. Because look, again, the movie trope is like, not being afraid of a gun or disarming the bad guy to save the girl That's pretty normal, but like David or white's character just isn't afraid of guns because the Amish don't believe in death

Like what about the character? Yeah, right. It's the classic scene where like this character's particular set of skills are supposed to be like show up at the right Time at the right place for him to meet the girl or get the job or whatever, but his particular set of skills are supposed to be like show up at the right time at the right place for him to meet the girl or get the job or whatever, but his particular set of skills are just like He lectures the the the the robber about Jesus and then takes his gun right, but he's not really he just sort of snatches it away And he's like give me that gun and the guys like oh, oh, oh, right hold on to gun fuck. That's on me. That's on me Oh, right, hold on to gun. Fuck, that's on me. That's on me. Oh, so there's a point in this scene where like,

because he's talking to it, would you think Lord Jesus would like the fact that you were doing this? And he takes the gun and now he's got the gun aimed at the guy Wally's evangelizing. And I thought to myself, this is what they beat off to, right? This is what Christians, they see, oh, evangelizing at gun point, oh, one day, one day,

Trump gets into office and all. And so the homeless guy runs away and throws himself in a dumpster. Comedy! Comedy! And then David or white turns, and this is the series of events, so it's very important. David or white turns to have like the meatc with his wife Annie Logan, but in the background, and I do not know if this was on purpose, the homeless guy proceeds to struggle out of the dirt. Which means I was unable to pay attention to anything they were talking about because

there's this big fat guy being like, get a hand here. They called cut. Look, you know what I'm good. I'm good. Just bring me okay, three, two, one, right, right, right, right, right. Oh, God. And meanwhile in the front, it's supposed to be like, oh, wonderful to meet you. I have no idea what was said.

Yeah, right. So yeah, he saves her life. She owes him one. So she's going to make him famous and that's a plot. And now we cut to him and Uncle Brian and Uncle Brian is warning him about those damn casting agents by some nice subtle racism. Was it subtle? Not really. No. All right, so he basically he says if we didn't have failed actors, the people in the food industry wouldn't speak English. That's a paraphrase of his joke and I just wrote, you know, it's funny because it's true

doesn't work in both directions, right? You can't just swap with because you can't just put them on either. Say yeah, no. There'll be a wall soon, don't worry. And now it's time for my favorite scene in the movie. This scene is where the movie goes from terrible to official hate crime. It's just the car washing that you're the first. Yeah, so they have to go to a car wash so there can be Mexican stereotypes.

And one of those Mexican stereotypes doing selling drugs because they're Mexicans. They're probably raping too. We just don't see that on screen. So this is a drug selling car wash. And these two like ganged out guys come up and they're like, Hey, man, what kind of car wash do you want? And he's like, hmm, I want the one that's the drug. I want and they're like, okay, bro, though, getting the car mine. And so they get in the car and they roll down the windows for like wacky comedy car wash with the windows open hijinks.

There's never a reason why they would have done that, right? They don't even attempt to explain why that would be pivotal. It is literally just like, you can't go there, that can't watch with your Windows 10 David. I, that's it. You are killing me. Oh, you know, they say I don't like edgy comedy

with the Windows 10, that would ruin the upholstery. And Oh, he's a funny guy. He's a funny guy. I can't have a beer with David our wife if I drank, but I know him because it's the devil's liquid. And so yeah, they're going through with the windows down,

which is wacky. And then the Latin guy pops up from the back seat. He was there the whole time, who knows? Right. And then sells him coke inside the car wash and then everyone gets arrested. This is how they think buying drugs works. Yeah, yeah.

A guy named Pinkie and the Thumb dressed in horribly racist Latino costumes in a car wash with the windows open. Yep. Is that not how you guys buy drugs? That's how I, my drug dealer's name is Jake Juan and he's always eating watermelon. Okay, and so now we cut to Annie and her friend

who's also kind of a character, kind of not, you know, she's in the movie, she's in the movie. And they're talking about whether or not she'll ever find a good Amish man to fuck her or something, I guess. And to contrast Annie and her weird, like, in-bred-looking friend, like, she's a very, this is a very strange-looking character. I can't really describe it, but to contrast them, the friend when the waiter comes over

is like, hey, you and I are going to fuck later and the waiter's like, great, this is how LA works. And she's like, awesome. Anyways, what were you saying, Annie? And Annie's not like, that's a weird thing to do at a meal. She's just like, yep, this is what people do in LA. We created a and I love to that like the the the friend says, Oh, that waiter, he looks delicious. And she's as well, he's vacuous. And I'm like, as a hard charge after ordering a fucking meal from

the guy, you don't know, you could be a fucking physicist. You can be studying. You don't know. You could be a fucking physicist. You could be studying, you don't know. And you didn't quote, proust when he took your order for soup. So fucking. Yeah. And at this point, Roy calls her to help get out of jail. And this, again, movie trope, but the whole like,

can you come bail me out and then people forget that like, bail doesn't mean that you're not charged with the crime anymore. It just makes the order to wait and jail. Like, again, movie trope, but it's just something that I know down in my notes is like, this movie really doesn't know how jail works. No, you pay the $200 or you roll the dice.

Yeah, exactly. And then you go free. Yeah. Or in our case, call Andrew. Yeah. And so now apparently, like, we we get the whole like they're leaving the jailhouse because now he's free because that's how bail works. And the two of them are obviously falling in love. So she asks him out via her assistant.

And first of all, one, why is her assistant with her? And two, he hands him a list. And he's like, here's all our face favorite places to eat. Here's all our favorite music. You might want to have it on the car and this is where G spot is right there on the diacos. And it's like, this is how Hollywood people date. But, but meanwhile, his uncle Brian was getting prison-raaved by a large black man. Oh,

a rare. Yes, because rape is so common in prison. It's a huge, huge problem. And look, I want to be clear here, because again, you know, we're not saying that you can't make rape jokes. Obviously, there are some rape jokes you can't make, like the ones I have highlighted in Eli's notes, but you can, like, I'm not saying that like, oh, this is a jokes you can't make like the ones I have highlighted in the lies notes but you can't like i'm not saying that like all this is a subject that can't be funnier whatever there's some great prison rape jokes but it

has to be more than this guy's gonna get fucked in the body gets this will by a larger guy well and a lot of men more than women even get raped because of prison rape so it you know there's reason for this to be a, it's not that funny. It's not that funny. From America. All right. So, yeah. So, now we get this great comedy moment. Okay. So the first step in getting him famous was getting him a job doing a commercial voiceover because that's really that is the, the first step towards, uh, fame and fortune in Hollywood. And again, they just don't get it, right?

Because he's sitting there in the recording studio and they're like, okay, go ahead and put the cans on. And he doesn't know that that means headphones. So he picks up the beer cans that are sitting there. And then they're like, no, the black thing. And then he puts headphones on. Like, okay, everything in that room was black. You have to at least, you at least have to go that next step like in our skits we wouldn't

get you know we wouldn't forget that much consistent yes something your world needs rules david our white and i don't listen to our show but in case you're wondering and you want to take another crack at comedy one of these days the comedy world needs rules when you follow those rules it's empathetic and surprising and that's what makes people laugh.

All right, there you go. That's just for you. I don't know if anyone helped me. Get this to David, but for holy man undercover two, apply has needed. I happen to know that at least one person who knows David quite well listens to this show. Oh, that's true. Maybe, maybe he hears it.

And well, but then, but you know what, you might have just fucked it up. You might have just fucked up the fucking goose that lays the gold nag here. Oh my god. What if his movies just start being great I'm all your fault. I'm not watching the movie cracking up going like no, I never said I unleashed it So okay, so we got can we talk a little bit about the commercial that he's filming, the wink and the nod that we're getting here? Yes, it's very clearly like, all right, now David, you're reading about a depression medication, but it turns out it's got all sorts of side effects. So you've got to read them like they're a good thing

because we try and sell people on the like good parts of it and we're gonna trick everybody into thinking medications the way good parts of it. And we're going to trick everybody into thinking medications the way to cure your depression because look, we've been pretty racist. And we've made prison rape jokes, but we haven't made people kill themselves yet in this movie. And we want the full row. We want the full row. Christian movie bingo. Look, this could not more clearly be the undercurrent of this scene. I mean, you know, like we sometimes like for the sake of comedy, we like overread the racist, I was trying to say, but you could not possibly more clearly be saying depression

medication is stupid in this scene, right? Okay. So they're selling a drug called Kamo. That's brilliant. I love the idea that a few people sat in a room together and came up with Komo. And he has to do the voiceover that reads the side effects. And the guy tells him, like, make him sound,

make each one sound even happier than the next one. So we get this great comedy moment where he's going, blood, it's your stool. Diarrhea, exploding testicles or whatever, that's the gag. And of course the last of the side effects is depression, which is what this drug supposed to treat. But then he realizes he can work the word of the Lord in there, which is supposed to be a good thing. So he's like the side effects may include depression, aphesians, Jesus loves you. Blah, blah, blah, blood in your stool. Christ is on John

3.16. And that never comes back. It's, it never plays into anything. It's just like the scene. Well, right, because again, this is their effort to glorify those people who snuck Jesus passages onto the fucking packaging for a toy that my uncle unknowingly gave me. Like that's the message of this movie. That's the holy man undercover bit. And like you said, it doesn't play into the movie at any point.

Whether the only thing we're supposed to take away from this is curiordapression with Jesus not drugs. And he's going to be famous because he's so good at saying blood in your stool while making it sound like a happy thing. So now we cut to prison where he's visiting Uncle Brian and time for more of that prison rape thing because he's got a husband now that he's in jail. Can you imagine a husband with a husband? Another man that only happens in your jail, guys.

This is comedy. Yeah. This is comedy is what we're watching Also, another really desperate attempt to make holy man undercover a catchphrase Like you can tell at this point he kept walking up to people on sat during break being like holy man and they kept being like That's right Watch out everyone's gonna be saying it. It's gonna be like oh Dude, where's my car and holy man undercover those will be similar phrases.

Yeah, so now we get to what what heath was referring to at the beginning of our review here. This is the part we asked to audition from the Satan job and he has to like first do it acting poorly and then do it acting well and those two things are completely indistinguishable coming from David and our wife. It's amazing. He's so bad. He's fucking up at acting badly.

He can't even just, this is like George Costanza doing the opposite except if Jason Alexander had no talent and the opposite of talent is still no talent. So he's acting the same as before. Yeah, no, exactly, exactly. You can't, except for the facial cues of the casting directors and stuff, you can't tell when he switched from bad acting, comedy, comedy to good acting. There's also speaking of bad acting, a fantastic moment where he's supposed to be distracted

by Andrea Logan White putting on lipstick. And so they do like a slow mo her putting on lipstick sexy thing. But Andrea Logan White has no white. She is tamped down her sexual desires and womanhood for so long that she's just like taking large bites out of it. Out of the lips, she's just like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, Dolly, dolly, it is the worst slow motion sex. I could do a better slow motion sexy lipstick. And if you message us, I will send you that video. I got you, got you.

Now they have to ask us for it. So I can't get in trouble again. That's it. Yeah, just, yeah, just don't tell them where you'll be putting the lipstick and you'll be fine. They asked. So yeah, so don't tell them where you'll be putting the lipstick and you'll be fine. They they asked So yeah, so it's around a hole This is we and we also we have to a mention

It's my butthole My butthole And then I give each autograph a little kiss Jesus Christ I kind of want to stay in this joke, but I'm kind of terrified to. So yeah. So okay. So, but he she's looking sexy and everything. And we didn't mention this when it happened the first time. I can't believe that we didn't mention the so psycho Machia moment here where David A. R. White's alternate character Uncle Brian pops up on David A. R. White Theomish guy's Brian, pops up on David A.R. White's The Amish guy's shoulder to tell him what to do in the audition.

Like a little devil or angel, we don't really know which. And now it's time for Fred Willard to look like he's acting at gunpoint. Honestly, Fred Willard is one of the funniest, best comedian improvisers probably ever. I mean, truly a brilliant, brilliant actor. And he is mailing this in. He's saying his lines as quickly as possible and as dead face as possible. He's just like, hey, I'm a movie producer. Yeah, no, I don't want to see people acting.

I want to see, if I want to see real people, I'd go to a bus stop. Look, I've got guns. Guns are funny. All right. You know, they had to do like really hard cuts because he always finished every scene with we done here. So yeah, so what we're going to learn here is that Fred Willard is crazy. He's like the Asimony Sam a um, and he doesn't want to cast this

Amish Hick Roy, but he will if Annie agrees to cast Tiffany towers But Annie is vowed to never work with Tiffany again Tracking plots like that is my job. Yeah, it's my job to try to sort that out and pay that much attention. But yeah, that's what's going on here now. It doesn't want to hire somebody that has exactly zero experience for this role. What an ass. How does that apply to current events today? All of it. Yes, thing of anything. No, I can't. I've showed it out. I built the wall. So yeah, so and also, of course, this whole time we've been teasing at the big date

between Annie and David A.R. White's character. So now it's finally time for him to come crashing into her driveway because he's so amish and we can make fun of Hispanic people more. Also, like, he has this, like, I can't believe what a big house she has like all these fancy hollywood millionaires and it's like dude you very clearly live in a giant mansion made of prayer like you because hollywood producers don't lie to people about burning in fire forever if they don't go see inception doesn't make you better than them

you're probably richer than a lot of Hollywood producers and a lot of Hollywood producers send a lot better messages than you do. So maybe spare us the like, oh, Hollywood big city houses. As opposed to the humble mansion, I'm sure David our white lives in. Yeah, I think you might be overestimating it, but yeah, yeah. And also can someone explain to me what we were going for with the lazy, unfriendly, pregnant, Hispanic made? Oh, that's the premise of a joke. And then it's over. That's how they do jokes in this movie. Yeah, they didn't ever made any fucking sense. Like he shows up to the door and there's this just like obviously go fuck yourself attitude chick with a bear pregnant belly standing in front of him staring

at him and then Andrea Logan White shows up and it's just like, oh, that was, you know, Mexicans, they're always pregnant and looking at you like you just said something you probably shouldn't have said even though you said you lacked speedy guns, Alice cartoons, which is a compliment. reference mexico, you get it. I guess I don't know. So then we're going to go to this restaurant and we're going to meet this guy who's who's ability to do accents is so bad that I can meaningfully make fun of it. Yes. Oh, at first he's like Boris and Natasha had Richard Dawkins stroke. It's just like,

it's in there. Hello, welcome to Malraster. You know what it is? It's a communist accent. He's doing a communist accent. Yeah. I mean, so this is supposed to be the restaurant owner, I guess.

He's got like, he's doing a gay Spanish stereotype accent you know I mentioned this way it's like the KKK community theater put on the bird cage and this guy's playing Hank is Arias part which was probably like Europe Mexico faggot in the script then he starts using German words to do it he's clearly doing either a French or Italian accent with German words occasionally its Japanese and sort of generically gay. I got all of those things from his moments on the screen.

Yeah. And they're supposed to be at like a super fancy restaurant, but it's just like a high school gym strung with the same Christmas lights they had in the omnis scene. It's like, wow, this is the nicest Christmas lights cafe in the city. And this is where we kind of start teasing. Okay, so like Annie is so important that they kicked the people out that were at the table to just show that she can have a table right away. And he's like, boy, people should do like you in this town.

He's like, well, that's only because of my first big hit. Med school confidential. Like, okay, because someone did anyone get an idea of what this okay, so she was supposed to have produced a reality show that was really popular about med school students trying to marry a supermodel who then murdered the rummer manual Chicago. Yes, well, it was just before he was to, I believe, but yeah, but anyway, what the fuck was going on here? I have no idea. All I know is I really want to watch that show. That's incredible. Can we get some funding for that? I'll

make med school confidential. 12 Harvard med school students trying to win the heart of a model and the last episode involves murdering the mayor of chicago come on uh... that's it would sell it would sell yet what you don't want to watch that everyone at home uh... much better you totally would watch that also okay so we're supposed to get some more on this people don't know how things work moments and again they swing and they miss because one thing that I bet homage people do know how works is fire because we have that we have the moment where he's like he actually lights his menu on fire

because he doesn't realize that there's a can't like this is a person that lived without electricity like he would be better than us at not setting his menu on fire wouldn't he would not make more sense? And like as this is getting increasingly dangerous, she's just sitting at the table doing the whole. He's so country. Yeah, she thinks arson is adorable. Yeah.

Also tiny moment when he brings up the menus, he whispers into her ear, try the duck. It doesn't suck. And you know that that was like something he improvised. He was like, you know what? I'm going to get this extra line. And he did it in David or what was like, Hey man, Hey man, I know you made up that line. But you nailed it. And we are keeping it. You owned it, man. You owned it. I don't know if you realize this, but those words rhyme. They just say flows. I don't know if you did that on purpose or what I'm going to be an outlaw biker in a movie next year. What are you doing?

Right. So now it's time for them to take a romantic walk on the beach. And there's a great moment where Andrea Logan white is supposed to be playing devil's advocate. And she's like, aren't you saying that you're right by being a Christian and I'm wrong and I'm going to hell? And he says, no, I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else. And that's not the fucking question. Literally exactly what goes on. She's like, aren't you saying you're right and I'm wrong and I'm going to hell? And the answer to that is yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

So he just goes, no, I can't jump higher than you i've never seen your vertical ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha saying you're better than everyone else and he would be saying like no I use different words or I sound like an asshole. I mean like even if you accepted that that was what she was asking. So he's like no I'm not being judgmental it's just that I'm happy because of Jesus and you're all sad is what I'm saying. Exactly. By the way I'm looking at any Logan white face here and it just if I had to describe it in one word I'd call it sharp. It's jagged. And it actually explains David air white face. I feel like he's been eroded down by years of

jagged face contact and now he's got that shape. Yeah. Like those months that make the super smooth stone, but his face. Yeah, exactly. So she invites him in to fuck her, but he's Amish, so he's not going to. And this is where they go for comedy. And they, I want to say they almost get there because they just feel like we should throw him a bone at a certain point, but this is where he's like, Oh, now suddenly all those Amish health films made sense. And the film is a flip book because they're obvious. Right. And it shows a woman and a man about to fuck and then she kills him as the devil.

And, and again, that is your message. That's right. You do. Right. You're message in this movie. You didn't even step out of this movie. You know that. Right.

Well, that's, that's the thing is that the, I guess maybe to movie. You didn't even step out of this movie. You know that? Right. Well, that's the thing is that the I guess maybe to them, the only comedy is that it was a flip book, right? It's like, it should be actors playing out that correct message. Yeah. This is just to be clear, a Christian movie just made fun of the sex ed class that Amish people had. It's like Pol Pot making fun of Hitler. Yeah, right. So now we cut to like after the date, she's in the tanning booth with her friend chatting about whether or not they would ever consider dating someone who isn't famous because that's

you know, it's a ZLA and you won't date people who aren't. Yeah. And so she goes to tell him, Hey, I'm famous. You're not. So we have to keep our single data secret. Well, obviously we're all on pins and needles while we wait to see how that relationship shakes out. So while we have you all tingling with suspense, we'll take a quick break.

But before we do, let me give act three, the hard sell here. Will Fred Willard outwit that wasqually a rabbit? Can the cast agree on how many syllables Rumspring has in it? Do you think that the chick that plays Tiffany would be into like maybe something with me and Lucinda together? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for these script ends here conclusion of Holy Man Undercover. Okay, everyone, welcome to An racist caricatures and Christian movies anonymous.

I'm Steven. I see we have some new faces today. So why don't we, why don't we just jump right in, fellas? Hi, my name's Pinky. This right here is my friend at Thom. We recently were featured in Holy Man on our cover. Ooh, that's a bad one. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I feel like we were in this car wash with the windows open and I was dealing drugs while David R. White got all covered in soap and I just said to myself, what is this joke, you know? Like if this is a wacky car wash joke, that's one thing

and this is a racist Latino joke, it's another, but I couldn't do both. And that's what I decided to get help. Well, except for this voice, I haven't done anything stereotypically racist for six months. Now that's fantastic, Pinky. Remember, we're not as racist as we're written. Oh, and yes, you? I'm gonna sue everyone here for the applause I just heard. When your hands work together, it looked like Prang. Oh, guys, sorry. It looks like Eddie the angry atheist is having a relapse.

I need help. You do. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And so I was like, excuse me, you need to learn to rethink me. Hi, where are the scallions? Excuse me, sir. I mean the middle of a conversation. No, I can see that that you were. Anyway, so I was like, whatever.

She's not even really for real. So I need to go because there's like an old Native American woman here who needs scallops. Scalions and mail. Sorry sir. What? Okay look at this point, both of the guys I work with just order blue apron and- Sir we don't have apron. Can you hear me? No apron. No blue apron is a food delivery service. Like for less than ten bucks a meal,

blue-ipened delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portion ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals that like meals on wheels because you're so old like it like an old ghost if i drop a can are you gonna cry single tears that no no well that sounds boring actually new recipes are created weekly and are not repeated within a year

so it's not boring. Okay, but like I don't eat fish so I couldn't do the blue apron because it's bad for you. Fish gives you autism. No, okay. Ignoring that actually you can change your food preferences for a variety of diets. Like for your missing old mantis do they have that? Can you see me? I'm a girl. I'm a girl. This is what a girl is. Right, and you work have that can you see me I'm a girl and the girl this is what a girl is and you work here can you point me towards scallions oh we don't have any this is a grocery store and this is the only place to get food so like sorry okay hold on one second check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going

to blueaprin.com slash God awful. You will love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home cook meals. Blue apron. So don't wait. That's blueaprin.com slash God awful. Blue apron. A better way to cook. You're going to have to pay for all of that.

Yeah, I know. Where do I do that? Oh, we have these robots that are impossible to use. They're all broken. They're over there. Of course you do. There's one, but there's a man just standing by it. Just desperately swiping a can. Just desperate.

Never gonna scan it. and just desperate. Never gonna scan it. And we're back for more of the comedic analog to push an olympic against a drive of a jaina and we're gonna start off with the big press conference where they're gonna unveil the new show where he plays Satan in the Satan variety hour. Well dark watch. Yeah, and they do basically like a, here's the cast for the new show,

which I mean, look, you know, maybe I just missed out on that happening at pilot season, but I forgot where they introduced the cast in person for like a pseudo press conference on the set. Yeah, like somebody tell me what this goddamn show is. What is dark watch about? What kind of show is it? Tiffany Towers is a whore. Also, the devil is there. Well, because we keep seeing clips like at the very beginning, we saw that clip where they were like, you know, just like purring and meowing and rubbing their butts against

poles and shit like that. Well, he talked about how he was Satan. And then later we see a little ditty that happens. It's just, I don't, yeah, I don't think they really thought that through it all. It's like, it's a show and there's a devil. That's a show, you know, TV, all devilish and sexy. That's, that's as much as our audience knows. That's, I guess that audience knows. That's it.

I guess that's it. That's it. They're like, well, if it's sexy and it's got the devil them of TV folks, probably love it. And I figured that's all they needed. Also, this is where Tiffany Towers, like really doubles down on this performance. And this is the first time, but not the last that I wrote. This actress has no idea what sexy women look like. this actress has no idea what sexy women look like

this actress has no idea what sexy women act like this actress has no idea what human beings act like because she just keeps going and we're all supposed to be like oh my god she's like a little cat like fuck I guess or we're supposed to be going like Yeah, that's what those L.A. women are like Feline well, and secular values love it And what we're picking up on this scene is like when they first introduced the cast Everyone's like who gives a shit about those people and then like and Tiffany towers as the girl in this about those people in the like and tiffin e towers as the girl in this show or whatever and everything all tiffin e towers all of that and of course in the background as the

as the reporters are stumbling over themselves to get a question into tiffin e we hear somebody say is it true you're dating bill clinton bill clinton jokes we're gonna get quite a few of those were the despite a you naughty and and he dates naughty girls and yeah and in response she makes cat noises into the microphones uh... again it's terrified this is what this act or either what the lines they wrote for this actress or what this actress thinks human beings behave like

is a terrifying insight into the Christian mind. Like, we talk about this quite a bit, but like, this show, among all the things in the 65 movies we have now watched, this 65 plus movies we have now watched on this show, it is most of all a terrifying insight into the Christian mind that like secular women can't speak they just like well it was so weird about this okay like okay so this this actress that plays Tiffany is smoking hot but like the more catch shit she does the more I'd be I'm like desi now I don't I'm seeing it less and less your this is the opposite of what you're going for. But yeah, exactly.

And the press conference, I guess, is going wrong or something. We don't really know. But the producers realize that the way to save this is if they could get Roy, the Amish guy, to date Tiffany, the cat lady. Right. And it's very clear here that they're trying to do

like a singing in the rain situation, like a, oh, she's the bad, like gross, popular movie star. And our main character doesn't want to have anything to do with her. But like, they're doing it in this weird, horribly clown world because now we cut to her being like, I'm not dating him. I dated Bill Clinton.

Did I do that joke? Well, and this was an odd moment for a Christian movie. She goes like, there are two things that are going to matter to the audience. And I control both of them. And she sticks her boob towards the camera in case you didn't get it. Right. Very clearly, this sticks her boob towards the camera in case you didn't get it. Right. Very clearly. Now this is a boob thing. Credit where credit is due to this movie, there is one funny moment in this movie

because when after she says that, Fred Willard, who we've established carries guns all the time, reaches into his pocket and everyone reacts like he's gonna shoot her. And then he pulls out a hand chiff and he's like, what, that was funny. That was funny. He's gonna shoot her for being a bitch. Oh, no, he's not. I feel like the audience that this movie was intended for

was like, yeah, God damn it. You go ahead, Fred. I'll tell you, I have your back. We were fishin' the whole time. Stand your gram. Stand your gram. But no, Roy says, well, she's not my type anyway. At which point Tiffany goes, I'm everyone's type.

And again, acts like a cat and starts, starts making out entirely one sided with him. Like she's like the US president's of making out with Roy in the scene. And she she's just like, no, just smearing her face back and forth across David R. White. Very clearly happy, but pretending not to be face. And then she can't believe that didn't win him over, which to be fair, neither can I, because non-consensual kissing of David R. white i am a towel rack right now but i i

get i get what the movie was going for yeah this is right i mean very few things would make this woman on attractive this is one of the except to you live apparently it's like it's like watching a beautiful woman vomit at the bar but but in a way that's not attracted. It's not good. Sure. It's like that, but bad. You should use better metaphor. Is no one's going to understand that one? You want to add that and come up with something that's not cool fucking hot. So they go on a date to a cowgirl dance club thing. Yeah, it's very clearly a high school gym,

but that's cool. That's cool, man. Yeah, it's supposed to be this like big packed dance club, but it's very clearly like 30 people in a small room, like part of that gym, like walled off. Well, right, right, exactly, squeezing into the corner or where the camera is. And I wouldn't have even known that

if they didn't show us a wide shot, and there was no need for a wide shot But that's what happened and it just looks awful. It's like yeah, and then so they come across the mechanical bowl He comes he like gets away from the dance floor because it's too noisy and he comes across a mechanical bowl And that is followed by and this is not supposed to be comedy like a not supposed to be comedy, like a solid two and a half minutes of what are supposed to be cheesecake shots of David R. White. Because look, the trope in the movie is the sexy girl rides the bull. And our main character is like, whoa, look at her go.

But because David R. White jerks off to himself in a mirror. We get 20 minutes of David or white riding the ball, paused in sexy positions and all the other characters being like, oh, David or white, David or white. Again, this is truly supposed to be like a sexy David or white montage. That is what they were going for in this scene. It goes, well, okay, do Amish people do a lot of rodeo bull riding? And mechanical, they shouldn't even be allowed to go anywhere near that. That would just be like a rocking horse in their town. But Roy's crushing it. And yeah, like you said, Tiffany is supposed to find this super attractive. But they are white. Obviously couldn't actually do this

for real. Like actually ride a bicycle bull. well. So instead of the bull really moving, it's just like a shaky camera guy running around it. You know, suspenders, they're like impossibly on or off at different angles. There are not there are never three consecutive seconds of him on that bull. You know that he was just being thrown left in right now like no no do it long enough and will be able to put together two minutes to promise them it's like shattering family guy just a ridiculous body poses every new cut terrible haha so it's time for like she wants to like get him updated to the modern day so it's time for him to have a pretty woman montage. Right. And he gets a makeover. And what, what is so wonderful about this movie is that what

they make him over into, you know, backup singer for Nickelback. We're supposed to be like, now that's a good looking filler right there. Clean cut, blonde highlights in his hair, just as God intended. clean cut, blonde highlights in his hair, just as God intended. Is when he finally walks down the street, looking like he should be whispering the words, hold me now under his breath to try to write the next middle school lyrics. You know, his fucking system of a down backup dancer, a random woman comes up and just starts humping him like a dog. Yeah, because he's so sexy.

I wrote my notes. I gotta get some of those clothes. Yeah. Well, again, Andrea Logan's white contract just says, everyone has to pretend they recognize me and that I'm famous and his contract just says, yeah, women are just trying to fuck me left and right. Like, it's literally, it's like listening to 12-year-olds like on the script that they would write for the movie,

they would star in. And then this hot hot six comes out. She's just rubbing all of against me and little short shorts. Oh, yeah. And then we get more of that clever word play that the peer flicks folks are known for. When, when they decide to go on their next date to club lions, then, well, it's, it's, they double down on it. So hard.

Yeah. She goes, I don't know. I just feel like I'm feeding him to the lions. And then the guy comes over and goes, this club is called the lions club den. I want it so badly for someone to be like, we're going to ride a lion. There. I'm making a lion this. Put on your lion costume. Lions made me a crescent. So, and then we get this him getting famous montage, right? So the Ghostbusters on the magazine covers montage. And one of them is Rapture Magazine.

I'm like, I bet that's a real thing. And then one of them was like, Hades Magazine. And I'm like, I bet that's not. And just fun detail. Rapture Magazine, the tagline for it. And just fun detail, Rapture magazine, the tagline for it is entertainment for upwardly mobile Christians. Yeah.

Yeah. Definitely a real thing. And again, like this is such ham-fisted symbolism. It's like, you get it, because he's playing Satan, but now he is Satan and Satan is him. It's the same thing. It's just like a mirror facing a mirror here. Right. It's like why all the bad husbands in our movies have jobs, right? Jobs make you bad dad and popular movies make you bad movies.

Bad Christians. Christians. Yeah. That's why David A.R. went in famous. He'd that right, David. Right. All of Christian cinema is just if all of Christian cinema were made by me every movie would be called three inches is big when you think about it. So now we cut to him like filming the show, I guess. And in the show, Satan is fighting with Tiffany Towers about not getting the right bedsheets. Yeah. And so she smacks him and makes out with him. Right, but she makes out with him for extra long to make Annie jealous.

And we find out that during their night clubbing, David R. White told her that he loves Annie. So Tiffany's new plan is to make Annie jealous. Yeah. And they've got that toe-to-toe moment where he's like, look, is your career more important than me who you just met in this movie? And she's like, yes, yes, it is. And he's like, all right. Now that makes sense now that you think about it. Yeah. Yeah. So then we cut back to the club where he's like hanging out with Tiffany who very much wants to sex with his penis inside of her. But he won't. No, because he's a Christian. Exactly. Exactly. And so she wonders also fuck somebody else and he discovers the the joys of alcohol. Well, she's she's like, look,

Annie will only like you if you loosen up a little bit. So have a long Island ice tea. And then we spend 35 minutes. Well, David, our white's character pretends to drink a single long Island ice tea and then become blackout drunk. Yeah. Literally pass out. He drinks a single ice tea, drinks it pretty quickly, but he drinks a single ice tea

and then passes out. I got to tell you, that's not a long Island ice tea, that's a Bill Cosby ice tea. Well, right, because he's passing out as he's finishing the last sip, right? We go through all the stages of drunken and not really, because none of it is anything ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like, why, how they get the room to spin around like that. So the audience could go, I bet that is what it's like when you drink alcohol is that the room spins around. Oh, man, that don't look no fun at all. I ain't missing out on nothing. But I love. So we get this drunk hallucination now, right? Like where he's dreaming about like you do, you know, those drunk hallucinations. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Alcohol is a well-known hallucination. And this is the most I like, this could be potentially really fucking funny. I can't tell if they knew why, but we get this reverse

striptease with Annie, where she's like hiding behind a tree, putting on more and more clothes until she's like dressed Amish. Yep. I like this scene. I liked this scene a lot. I really, really liked this scene. My rental of this on Christian movie, whatever cinema.com expired several times because I just kept watching this scene. Yeah, so we get an Amish anti-stripped tease in his mind.

But then he wakes up and wouldn't you know what? He's in Tiffany's room and she done raped him or something. Right, but it was very clearly Christians don't think that like that's rape. So he's just supposed, he's supposed to feel bad that like he got black out drunk and had sex with Tiffany. Right. Yeah. So yeah. So he wakes up and realizes that, oh, he's in Tiffany's room and, and he must add sex with her. So he goes to tell Annie and Annie smacks him and then fires him for fucking Tiffany. Right. And I wrote my notes. You've hurt my feelings. You're fired and go to jail and give me your arm.

You might as well. Yeah, exactly. Because that's how it works in the world. So yeah, and then we get the whole like the him hitting rock bottom montage. You know, he lost all his money and they came and took all his stuff and they don't have the right lens for the outdoors in the beach scene. I'm sorry. Like all sorts of terrible things happen. Yeah. And we learned that Annie replaced him with bowdook

from the dukes of hazard. But in his defense, he was not hurting anybody. That's fine. So, is the obvious next choice. Yeah. And again, what the fuck is this show? Because this is where now Bo Duke sings a hillbilly diddy about how great it is to be Satan. Yeah. Satanic musical number about the devil believing in you. And that's when I checked the date for this movie and I realized that this was very clearly during the election of Barack Obama 2010. So a huge undercurrent of this movie was, you know, the devil sure seems charming, but yeah. Yeah. No, they did, they did

film this in 2008. It wasn't released until 2010. So like even to their audience, these jokes were stale and outdated, but that's clearly what they were going to. So yeah. So Bo Duke is now the devil on satanic he haw. And I do want to say though, like the of the various depictions we've seen in hell. Bo Duke singing country music is the most hell like that we've encountered. Yeah, it's the most terrifying. I think it goes, most terrifying starts with Bo Duke singing. And then I think I'm going to go with a normal Christian Jack Chick Hill. And then having to watch Christian movies all the time, which is just the one I live

in. And then at the very, very top above all of it is Donald Trump being elected president. It happened. I'm sorry. Why do you have to say that? I was doing so well. I was doing so well. They were scabbing up. Everything was scabbing up until you just wanted to do our college. David our white so silly. Remember where David our white was just so silly. What if you become audience of this film? It's in charge of our country. Remember that? We get a couple more months, guys.

Couple more months of that. So get in. Yeah. Maybe David or White will get ahead of the Oscars. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. I just don't know. So now we get, okay, so like again, he's at rock bottom.

So he goes to see his uncle Brian. And his uncle Brian gives him the phone number of somebody who can help by giving him a job as a hot dog mascot and look if there was anything to cheer me up this week it's the image of David our white dressed as a hot dog okay I will always have that when the world ends and the bombs are raining down around us my home screen will still be the image of David our white. And it's a hot dog. And at this point, it seemed like they were making fun of their own movies in a sense because like, this is where he has to have his coming

to God moment. So he gets down on his knees and prays, but he's in his hot dog costume because he's like, you know, it would make sprayer silly like praying. No, if you did it as a hot dog, what do you mean? What do you try to say? Yeah, and he's running around, he goes full Coney 2012 here. He just was running around in his hot dog costume. Jesus is free and the cops attack him for saying Jesus is free.

And what's amazing is he gets tackled by the cops. And I don't think this was a mistake. I think they just loved it so much. The cop goes on the ground. Keep your buns where I can see him on the ground. Keep your buns where I can see him. Like they do it twice in a row, just in case the audience was laughing so hard from the wacky hot dog antics. Yeah. And then they beat him with clubs because they're LA cops, hard from the ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this local arrest for a failed actor going crazy and running out in traffic in a hot dog costume makes the news you know because there's not a lot of stuff going on in cities like l.a. so of course that's on the news and and any sees it

so we get the the jailhouse and Jessica rabid dog which is what i have her in my notes as his outside saying how she's going to free Roy. And then Annie comes up and is like, I'm going to free Roy. And she's like, you did this. You used him just like you use everybody and the way you got me arrested for murdering Tom Ford. And then they, and then they get in like a fist fight a fist fight and I know this movie wanted me to be like, uh-oh, a country Christian girl will take out a whore from LA every time. But like, I guess it's just horrible.

It's just horrible to watch. Well, and look, okay. So like Annie in this instance, right, is in every way in the wrong, right? At least as far as this movie has told us, she, in furtherance of her career, wound up getting this girl arrested for murder or something. And then like forced her, her crush to date another girl who he then got mad at for having sex with,

fired him for not fucking her and is now attacking the girl who has come to help him, like physically assaulting because it's not like it's not like Tiffany starts this fight. Annie just straight up punches her in the face for saying the truth, not even for me, like your murderer of the president, she's just like, yeah, you set me up to get arrested on the show that you were in charge of and she's like, punch. This is comedy. I guess what is going on inside this weird clown mind that wrote this movie. Oh, the fuck no. So yeah, so they get into a fight and then of course we've got to cut back to inside the prison where he's still a hot dog soon in the jail.

Right. And Annie comes in and they have the like, I love you. I love you too. And it's a hot dog kiss through the prison bars. And then Tiffany enters in a veil of dry ice smoke. Yeah. No reason. Like again, this movie is so insane.

And she's like, oh, we never had sex, which is good because again this movie is so insane and she's like oh We never had sex which is good because the moot watchers of this movie would know that if they had David Our white was gonna burn in hell forever So if they didn't have sex, but I'm gonna sue you with my Jewish lawyer for every cent you've got Yeah, which rightly so right again like this is this is the villain getting what's coming to her in the movie They just don't seem to be aware of that and so she does right so so Tiffany Suzy any and gets everything that she owns But it's okay because she was gonna go be Amish anyway. Yeah, this movie ends with a an independent Movie producer deciding she doesn't actually want to be a successful

business woman. She wants to be an Amish baby factory. Yep. Yeah, so yeah, now Annie is happy because she does what the fuck she's told like Amish women, but she's also running an Amish reality show. Yeah, the Amish factor. Try to win over Tiffany Towers heart. And I just want to say I would watch the shit out of the Amish factor. If any of our people out there,

we know we got a couple of people in TV and movies who listen to the show, make the Amish factor. Do it. It'll be millionaires. And then we end with a message from Satan telling you to vote for Satan. Now Satan's running for president. And again, this is all just very clearly anti Obama Obama is Satan comedy that they've worked into their movie. Yeah. No, it's yeah, exactly.

Actually, outside of that context, it cannot possibly make any sense. Not that it does make sense in that context, but it can make sense. Right. They were just like, well, we're having some yucks. Don't forget the black guy is the devil. And people at home were like, oh, they get it. They get it. And we also get this thing at the end.

We get this thing at the end where David A.R. White's like, all right, I'm gonna do the freeze frame thing. And he like jumps up in the air several times. And the camera just, they're like, no, we're not gonna free. I didn't do it this time. And he's like, I don't know, it's serious to do it this time. And he jumps up differently this time. Doesn't freeze again.

You can tell they were just fucking with him on the last day. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this time. Exactly, exactly. Go long, go long, Dan. I won't move the football this time as you come up. Yeah. And I also, I wanted to point this out because like the movie ends with a couple of random scenes in Amish country between Edie McClurge and the guy who played her husband or whatever. And these are very clearly like, these were originally intended to go at the beginning of the movie and they didn't have a place for them and David A.R. White was like just take him in the end.

It's so funny. They got the funny stuff at the end of Liar Liar. He'll be like that. It'll be just like that. Yeah. Wow. So I mean, I feel like the only real question left at the end of this movie is why the fuck wasn't this box off his gold. So guys, they didn't know it.

I mean, any like minor tweaks you to made, if you could have had five minutes with the producer. Oh, I think David A.R. White needs to play more parts. He needs to play everyone next time. Yeah. Stop holding yourself back. I got a very, very simple single note. It's written right here at the front. Um, no you are. No,

no, you are. And quick before we break down again, I guess that's going to do it for our review. A holy man undercover, but that is not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to drown out the electoral sorrows that are going to kick in as soon as you don't have anything funny left to listen to. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Kings faith. This should be fun. I like I always love the previews that get me like 90 seconds in thinking, I don't know Eli.

This looks like it could be a pretty never mind. Never mind. Yeah, this movie appears to be black blindside. This is well reversed. Black. Yes. Right. be Black blind side. This is reverse side. Black reverse reverse blind side. It's about a white troubled kid who's gone to prison 20 times and had 84 foster homes who just needs to Jesus double down, but it's got all of the tropes of the like ghetto kid who comes to the

nice family and is trying to get out the ghetto because he's got like old ghetto contacts where like where's the money we hit in Jones he's rich and he's like I can't tell you for Jesus and and all the parent characters seem to be talking about in the preview is like this isn't about the drug money this is about Jesus. Yeah, I love to on the particular preview that I watched it says like in theaters April 28th Call and demanded at your theater So like so the in theater thing is kind of on you the viewer right like we're willing to bring this

Yeah, we got the thing in any ways. I got a nice car got a Prius so I can take it pretty much anywhere We'll do it in between shows and chunks will make it fun most movie theaters close at like midnight so we could do like a midnight showing We're really open to it. This is my cell phone My I also love that they use the word demand instead of ask for a call hi. I like to make a demand. No, it's not you know I like to make a demand. No, it's not you know, right to do that. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 65 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation

at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist and the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off on movies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slot, Nick O'Veeville, Drafts on Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here more by following

the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right. Neal I Bosnick. I'm no illusions promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. I'm a such a It's kind of rhymes with homedinger. Pinky and the thumb built a wall and got built for it. David A. R. White spent the rest of his life getting increasingly pissed when people asked if he wanted the senior discount.

David R. White tried to hug Fred Willard at the rap party and he shot him in the throat. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2016, all rights reserved.