God Awful Movies - 67: GAM067 Blood Freak

Episode Date: November 29, 2016

In this week's show, Eli, Noah, and Heath team up for an atheist review of Blood Freak, the single greatest use of the cinematic medium in both history and future. It's the classic story of boy meets girl, eats poisonous science-turkey, gets turned into a blood drinking mutant, and then turns to Jesus. --- If you'd like to pick up tickets to see us live in Chicago on Friday, January 13th, you can find them here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-with-cognitive-dissonance-tickets-29713113723 --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

And before we get into this scene, I just want to point out like right at the very beginning there's this weird speed zoom that screams of oh shit that's not the right button It's so clearly that moment in the home movies where your aunt was like they high-grandpa Oh god, I'm sorry. I don't like it. Areas. Areas. We'll watch this when you're dead. When you're dead. God awful.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be That's my good friend Heath, then right Heath, welcome back sir. Best movie ever. This is, I came nine times. My sex life has peaked. Beaked. And sending anyone else to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick.

Eli, how are you this fine afternoon sir? My best movie ever. My life has peaked. Not my sex life, my existence has pe has been I consider just killing myself on video and submitting that as the gamcast like hey guys You'll never need me again. Pow Happy Thanksgiving. It was so fucking amazing. I can never be this good again So tell us Heath. What are we so excited about? What will we be breaking down today?

We watched Blood Freak. It's fantastic. It's a cautionary tale about marijuana addiction, GMO turkey meat, and the thing that happens when you combine them. I don't want to spoil it right now. I'm just putting it out. But also don't want to spoil it right now. I'm just going to spoil it right now. But I also don't want to forget to mention it later.

It's going to take a sticky note. Don't forget to talk about what happens when you combine bad pot and GMO turkey. All right. You guys try to remember too. We'll get to. No, I'm sorry. Hopefully it'll come up at some point. And Eli, how amazing was this movie?

Well, if you love Blow Jobs, but you also love it when your existence peaks and you've conquered all your enemies and your lineage is secure and you're happy and bright and the greatest piece of art ever created has passed before your eyes and you get to share it with the world, you will love this movie. This movie makes international gorillas look like spotlight.

This makes vultures of horror look like the Babadook. This is the craziest most one. Everything about, if this were purposeful, this would be the most brilliant comedy of all time. This would be the highest level of human genius ever created, but it is just the single most terrible thing that the planet earth has ever created. And there is not a second of it.

There's not enjoyable, not a single second of this movie. It's on YouTube. You absolutely must watch it. You, I look, this coming out on YouTube. You absolutely must watch it. I look, this is coming out after Thanksgiving. Yeah, a bad Thanksgiving. And you earned it. Remember, you didn't punch Uncle Larry in the face.

All right, you did punch Uncle Larry in the face. But for you, by the way, either way, you deserve this movie. It's on YouTube. Up, watch the movie. Yeah, like, okay, so here's the thing, like we do bad movies every week. And like last week we did a bad movie that was just a boring fucking stupid movie. But like if you love bad movies, you will watch this and wonder where it has been all

your life. Like this is the bad movie that is the reason why you love to watch bad movies. So I feel like we've already summed this up, but in terms of simple film craft, is this the worst movie we've ever watched? Yes, and it does not matter. It was fantastic. Just like that. Yeah, the lighting is the worst we've ever seen. There are scenes entirely in darkness. The sound is the worst we've ever seen. There are scenes entirely in darkness. The sound is the worst we've ever seen.

There are scenes that are entirely inaudible. The special effects are the worst. It is the fakeest. The guy, as this percol would have been like, I have some notes on the fake blood, y'all, you know what I mean? The worst at literally everything. It has the craziest booking actors.

This makes Stephen Baldwin look like Da Vinci's example of man. There is nothing about this movie that is not the peak of crazy that we have experienced. Now, here's the wonderful thing. So the only copy of this that we were able to find to do this review was a pair down version on YouTube. And apparently they cut out some of the best parts. So, live your life knowing that there is even more blood freak out there somewhere in the world.

So, like, if you've seen this movie, like on DVD or whatever, and we leave out, like, amazing scenes, like, people getting their legs chopped off with table saws and stuff, that's why, because they had to take that out to get it onto YouTube. So we haven't seen the full blood freak. We've seen the YouTube like, paired down blood freak. And yes, by the way, this is a Christian movie.

Yeah, it is absolutely. And this is something important to remember, because like, I was watching this movie and I was like, oh man, this is so terrible. What fun, what fun. But I'm worried that this won't be a Christian movie This is absolutely 100% also a Christian movie and X rated But it is fun as clearly a Christian movie as any other film we've watched and more so than some of Kirk Cameron's movies

Right, all right, so is there anything that you guys wanted to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Best, best movie. I think you meant best at being the best at and it was the best, best movie. Can I go with best, best turkey on woman sex scene? All right. We have it for our Patreon listeners. They'll know we have seen two of those. Yep. Yep. Yeah. And this was is definitely the best one and we haven't even done howard the duck yet very similar i'm gonna go with uh... best worse lighting

elia already uh... alluded to this but there is literally a point in this film where we are essentially watching a black screen for five minutes well we're treated to a radio play unintentionally. Like, this isn't like an artistic decision that the director made. We've also, I want to go with best, worse narration, the narrator in this movie. Look, I could spend the rest of this episode just talking about the narrator. We're talking about what led to casting him, who he is, how he was involved with the production.

I have so many questions. My crazy billionaire remake of this movie is A, make it 10 times longer, because it's the greatest thing that ever happened. And B, I just want to find the people who made it and ask them what the fuck was going on. No, no, shit. And I can't remember who it was who recommended this, but this was a listen to recommendation. We said, you know what, we're going to save this one for Thanksgiving.

It looks way too amazing. So we've been looking forward to breaking this one down for an exceedingly long time. So that means we're going to keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into the first and probably last X-rated Christian movie we will ever review Bloodfreak. Time. It occurs every day, every minute of every day. If you look for it, you won't see it, unless you're looking at a clock. Or something that happens relatively quickly but can't unhappn.

But if you sniff, you won't smell it, no matter what you're looking at. You also can't hear it, or touch it, or the other one. What's the uh, taste? You can't taste it either. But it is upon this untouchable, untasteable, unsmellable time that the shattered dreams of our inner souls cry out from the barren plains of stale metaphors and beckon us to harken their warning, and it is in these whimpering voices that we find our catalyst to push forward. What is a catalyst? It's the smartest looking word I saw when I looked up motivation in the Thessarus, except for impetus, and I'm not really sure how to pronounce that one.

And all of the words I just said mean something. As do these next ones. We interrupt this skit to bring you breaking news. Date line Chicago. The God-awful movie's crew has just announced a collaboration that threatens the very future of good taste and human decency. According to unnamed sources within the Puzzle and a Thunderstorm Operation, Eli Heath and Noah will be teaming up with Tom and Cecil from Cognitive Dissonance for a live recording of God-Off-Afford movies on Friday, January 13th at the beautiful Victory Gardens Biograph Theater in the non-murdery part of Chicago. Tickets for this event are already on sale and are selling fast.

Multiple early reports indicate that you can find a link to buy tickets on the God-Offel Movie's Facebook page or by following the link on the show notes for this episode. Feather bulletins as events warrant. And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. The deaths of the bowels, of the souls, of the reason we reached for it in the first place. And it is only by embracing this desire that we can find it within ourselves, look inside of ourselves, and reflect upon our inner selves. More over. We interrupt this skit again to bring you different breaking news. Date line the internet.

According to a recent email exchange, I'll be appearing on the dogma to be 24-hour broadcast athon this coming Saturday in a community wide effort to help raise money for camp quest. According to sources close to the broadcastathon, I'm currently the reigning fundraiser champion of the event and would very much appreciate your support during our hour. I'll be on at 10pm Eastern Time on Saturday December 3rd, but if you can't donate during that hour, please donate anyway. Camp Quest is a great charity.

Just don't give during Tom and Cecil's hour because we wouldn't want them getting big heads. You'll find links to watch the broadcast live on our social media pages, or by going to dogmanidate.com on Saturday, December 3rd. And now, back to your regularly scheduled skit. From the very teeth of the vagina, only to watch it crumbled at us before you. And of course, the sum total of all of this pretentious verbosity has been an extremely discursive effort to find something profound sounding to say about a blood-drinking man turkey.

I've failed. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to oil my mustache. And we're back for the breakdown and apparently we're going to start the credits of this movie on the planet of Dagobah, interspersed with cuts of the food babes nightmares. Yes. My music note here was, so you hit the piano and I'll ring this doorbell 100 times in a row. Yeah. And when you do, please hit that piano with a hammer. All right, so we get these, you know, like kind of like slasher flick generic credits or whatever. And then we go straight to direct address from James Woods as a 70s porn director.

We already mentioned this narrator. I thought it was Fred Trump. I thought I might as a Fred Trump. I didn't know he was into porn, but it looks, it's gotta be, it's gotta be Trump's dad. You looks like the most interesting child molester in the world. Those of you who haven't seen this yet, the sides of his hair are totally white and the top of his hair is little boy brown. He's drawn on very clearly drawn on his mustache and his robe and shirt look like that he's wearing like a silk robe over like a dirty old wife feeder. And it looks like it comes from the Comma Heather collection by Bill Cosby.

You know how some people describe like a dress as looking poured on his shirt looks like poured on except it was wax, you know, it was poured on but lumpy in a gravy kind of way. There is no moment when this narrator will speak when he will not very clearly look down at his script in front of him. There is nothing more true in the universe that this guy was reading his lines while saying them. Yeah, no, and almost certainly had never seen them before. He would look down, read a line, look up at you and say it and kind of look down as he was saying it through out. And also the first of all, audio note, the microphone and camera can be in separate places,

even back then. But also, can we talk about as silly as this guy looks? What he's saying is even sillier. So stupid. Yeah. So he starts out with the changes, changes, changes, take place every second of every minute of every hour. That's why I melted these clocks. I'm Salvador Dali.

They're a tang accident. I can vague nonsense phrases. So annoying. And then he throws out catalyst for it. Yeah, yeah. It's just like catalyst. What is a catalyst? Oh, you want to know about the smart person?

Where did I just use? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, catalyst meets, ah, I hate him. Yeah, and I feel, I wanted to tell him, I'm like, dude, you're the only one who had to look that up right to rest of us Yeah already knew And what's amazing is he goes what does catalyst mean well in this case It's a person who brings about change and it's like but that's not what catalyst

That means that you were like oh fuck this dictionary is that seems that you were like uh... fuck this dictionary uh... in this case the catalyst is hurt so they go or the girl we're not really sure but yeah and this is all just like this prolonged and and he's very clearly taking this shit super serious oh my god and the extent to which he tries to take this entire story Seriously, it cannot be overstated, but basically he says nothing for five minutes and he's like and So there's we're gonna do this movie and her soul's the name of the guy

Yeah, yeah, there's there is no there is nothing more clear that this is the guy your mom fucked on her girl's trip to Vegas There's nothing more clear that this is the guy your mom fucked on her girl's trip to Vegas. And then our main character's name is Herschel. Herschel. I never thought there would be a perfect protagonist name for a motor cycle riding our median Elvis in person. But that's what we're going to cut to. We're going to cut to her show riding his motorcycle. And we're going to do it via a camera that is clearly being held by a man hanging out of the back of a car. And he's zoomed in. Right? Because like several seconds into the shot, he zooms out and we're like, Oh my God, dude. Don't know know couldn't you go on wide from the start here before i've omitted i wrote my notes

the camera appears to be being operated by michael j fox you might her show looks like all white people look before black people told us to cut it out that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that he looks like red velvet cake Elvis Yeah, got a like I had him as Native American Elvis, but he took like face only steroids Norma said bubbly it's crazy and yeah, he's just like driving along and then all of a sudden Oh look there's like a porn star having car trouble next to that shaky camera crew I'm gonna pull out

Well even when it was a still shot even even when nobody was moving, it still seemed like the shot was like somehow out of a moving car, you know, it was the craziest. It's the craziest thing you can think of. Yeah, so, so her show pulls over to help her out and you really have to kind of intuit that because we don't see any he doesn't change a tire for her or open her hood at any point or whatever we just kind of get the impression all they both pulled over. She's got a labia short skirt and he took off his helmet and his head somehow got bigger. So I bet they're going to fuck yeah. And then all of a sudden they're driving again. I mean, I'm assuming like he hit the engine with his enormous head like Waxing against the side

What a superfluous helmet though, right? Like if that guy wiped out on his folk and motorcycle He would just leave divots along the road with that head on his face is made of helmet Helmets are based on her shoulders had not helmet. He's ridiculous. Helmets are based on her shoulders head. Not right. And also in this shot of them driving, I mean this movie's from 1972. So I had this great moment of nostalgia where I was like, God, remember when cars were just horrible rectangles made out of smoke? Everyone's just driving a tissue box around pouring a boil onto a baby seal. Yeah. Drink it all, Daddy O.

Absolutely. Sevenies were amazing, and we get a little bit more of that, the toll taker that they drive through here. He's wearing a full suit. A full nine-piece suit. He's got a carnation. He's smoking a cigar inside the little doll. He's eating Chris go with a spoon. The little wide martini is crazy. And by the way, I think we should

point out that in just this shot of two people meet side of the road and drive off together, we actually watch them pay a toll. Right? Like that's how little the director understood of what we need to see. And also they ran out of music well before they ran out of scene. So this team keeps going for several seconds in silence. But that's how bad it is. The music here is incredible. My music note was thrills, chills, cats and dogs. So now we get a hersial and this woman that he's met, they're going to her house apparently, which is filled with middle aged hippies smoking drugs. But also, um, also Mary Tyler Moore. I'm pretty sure the entire decade of women are all Mary Tyler Moore in my head. Yeah, right. And all the men of Bert Reynolds. Yeah. Yeah. My first note here

is nice boobs, but I like her hair boobs better because everyone's just got these weird hair tips on either shoulder, do you remember? Yeah, yeah. So, okay. So, what we're going to learn in this scene is that this girl that he meets, what was her name? Was this Anne? Angel.

That's right. Anne was the sister. Okay. So, Angel is not into drugs, but lives in a house with 75 people doing drugs. is this and angel angel that's right that's right and and was the sister okay so so angel is not into drugs but lives in a house with seventy five people doing drugs at any given moment and the extra from franken ships that she brought home does not do drugs and neither does she by the way this is where I realized her show he's literally t-hoc from street fighter you know my god to with the extra fight to the super street fighter to uh-huh This is where I realized, he's literally T-hoc from Street Fighter. If you know, no street fighter too, with the extra fighter, the super street fighter too,

he's dressed like he is T-hoc, the Native American guy from Street Fighter. Oh, that's great. See, I had him in this scene as Hugh Jackman drink essence of Armenian. I had him as Neanderthal Erika Strata. And I mean, if you know, because like Erika Strata is Neanderthal Erika Strata. And I mean, if you know, because like, Erika Strata is Neanderthal Erika Strata. So that's quite a ways up the chain or down the chain, I guess, evolutionarily speaking.

So anyway, so he's, he's, say they're talking about how he doesn't smoke weed or do drugs and the, and the angel sister who has a different race than Angel shows up and tries to offer him weed. And angel goes all Jesus on her. The actual quote is, you know your body's a temple of the Holy Spirit and you shouldn't

defile it, right? Yeah. But meanwhile, everyone in 1972 had visible melanoma like poking out of their skin. So your body, whatever, You're at a drug party. Well, when she wrote that line, I wrote in my notes, geez, I would like to apologize to the Holy Spirit just in case. I mean, I don't really even got to the Holy Spirit,

but I am sorry. Holy Spirit gets back up to heaven. No, fuck you guys. Don't go back down there. You're gonna be like, eat. He would wake up to eat other He would wake up to eat He would wake up. I Fuck him not even melt a block of velvita

On it on chips and call it not No, fuck you get off me Michael. I'm not going back down there because there could be another one It could be another one. It could be another one. So, Angel wanders off in the back to change. And when she does, Hershel sits down and all the druggies gather around to offer him hand jobs and drugs. Yeah. And this is, yeah, this is where he gets propositioned by Dame Judy Denture at 19. She basically comes over and she's like, hey, do you want to have sex?

And he's like, you're a whore. And she's like, that's a mean thing to say, even if you're Christian. And he's like, I look like Frankenberry. Right. But then I had her again is trampy married to the more she goes to complain about this to burnt rand old sir boyfriend or something yeah i was like oh the

the dude called you a tramp but you are i can totally see what you but isn't that factually accurate yeah and he's like oh i'll kick his ass and she's like it's that guy's like i'm not gonna kick his ass I got a different idea now Looks like genetics already did the job for me Stay here And also by the way, small thing Bert Reynolds is holding an enormous glass Sherlock pipe. Yeah, what the hell?

Cute like like he's about to give a speech about Jewish people being like rats. It's crazy It makes no like where they do crack was crack a thing in 1972. I don't think it was. It's hard to imagine though that this movie was a thing without crack being a thing. It's it's hard to imagine that this came before crack. 1932 Noah's in his early 30s. So then we cut to the same scene, no time has allowed. And they decide to talk about the Bible together.

Now, there's a girl in this scene who is clearly talking, there's clearly sound emanating from her mouth, but not at a level that is audible to the human ear. Yeah, she's asking something about the Bible and the girl who is properly might as answering her. And there's also a guy sitting there who like doesn't matter to the scene or the movie, but he looks like David Spade played minorly baseball. And his physical appearance is so distracting.

There is nothing Jennifer Lawrence could be slowly inserting an all-American in herself in the same room as this man's face. And I'd be like, I'm so sorry, Jen. What were you? Thank you. There was no point in fashion where everyone was like, hey, that looks great. No, you should continue to look that way as a human being. This guy was rough, yeah. I'm pretty sure I got AIDS from looking at his mustache and size race.

I might be HIV positive from that. It's not funny. That's what we got it. That's funny to me. From that point. That's it. So yeah, so they're all hanging out out getting high and intently listening to Bible verses.

Well, that's the thing. They're all like listening very intently, but again, they're all drinking, doing blow, like she could be reading mind-conf and they'd all nod along happily to the end. Totally, Jesus terrible. Jesus terrible. My cheek tastes really good. This is fun. jesus terrible my cheek tastes really good This is fun so once again

We cut to the same scene and no time as a lebs. No, I want to point out this is clearly a cut There are establishing shots and everything but we're just in the same place on the same evening at essentially the same time Because the people who made this movie were so fucking high, they forgot that they had made the scenes previous. That would explain an awful lot. So yeah, so they're continuing with their Jesus discussion. He's asking about the nature of sin. And at the same time, There's a girl behind him like Picking fleas out of his hair like a monkey so weird

Looks like she's about to like remove a tick for Marshall's head with tweezers all of a sudden. I don't get I mean I I feel like like her instruction was all right now We you're just like all over him like an animal and she's like okay animals sometimes do this I I don't know what the hell was going on there and the guy was like I have 700 milligrams of acid in my blood That'll do just fine. Yeah, I have to go talk to the dead Also, um another small thing, but um I Feel like the shape of the female breast used to be pointier. Did they evolve since 1972?

The breasts are a different altogether shape. There's like little traffic cones. Yeah, yeah, conical is what it was the word that was in my head. Yeah, there was definitely a conical boob back then. The conical boob. Also, I don't know what the fuck was going on because I couldn't, again, uh... the conical boob also i don't know what the fuck was going on because i couldn't again you can only understand some of the people some of the time in this movie but at one

point uh... he's lecturing angel about adultery whatever and she says the lord says we commit adultery with sticks and stones and it's i don't remember that part i feel like if that had ever happened in the bible that would have really stood out in my mind. Well, I have several videos on X-Tube of me committing adultery with sticks and stuff. Why, no, just that. Buy myself.

It's sort of a Roob Goldberg machine. Here's what I want you to picture. i want you to picture the most terrifying mini golf course but i am playing in the whole of the same time uh... how did you use the windmill that i don't want to know uh... there's a just some questions you just don't ask so at all right so like uh... she starts reading the bible to him for a really

long time so he decides to follow her uh... back to her bedroom instead of fucking the much hotter chicks that seem to want to fuck them but along the way her sister and just shows up to be all trampy and say hey can i fucking first but that bible inside of me instead of reading and now the hook want read, yeah. Right. And she turns

to her sister and she's like, you're such an asshole. You're like, you ruined everything. And she goes, Hey, I don't condemn you, are your friends. I just want you to know you're broken and terrible and going to hell. Bye. So, Anne, the sister goes to porn stash for some drugs because she's afraid that angel will Bibleize her show before she can fuck him and wants to preempt that with drugs. That's the plot. Yep. That's the point that yeah exactly That's where we land, but luckily porn stash has magical joints laced with addiction powder And he's basically like hey you woman to slip your sister something and she's like no no

do that to her show let's do that to her also and then like he gives her some like some weed or something and and she that this is the most bizarre question she says it won't hurt me will it but i gotta say this girl saying it won't hurt me will it is the most turned on I have ever been by one of these movies that we've ever done. Now, that's a very temporary record. Model screen is protected. Yeah, that record was only going to last for about three more scenes. I'll point it out when it's broken. But now we cut back to the wood panel narration from the guy who's going to make you a star, baby.

Um, yeah. He's giving a lesson about being healthy while literally smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Okay. We didn't mention that earlier. This guy is never not sucking on a cigarette like he's trying a too thick milkshake. Seriously. He's like, some people go through their whole lives without thinking about the things like, some people go through their whole lives without thinking about the things like cigarette that could influence their death. That's exactly what's happened. And basically, his monologue here is, look, Herschel's just met two beautiful girls. One is great. The other is a whore. Herschel was in Vietnam. But why? Bye. Well, at a certain point, he like, he starts like, you know, almost, he gets a little homoerotic about Herschel. He's like, he's strong. He's handsome. Many in choice being

attractive to the opposite sex to the cause with a girl. A sexual women, we think that not me. Christian movie. Yeah. I know it says in the scene directions I'm supposed to stand up but I can't. I'm curious. And then yeah, basically he says, and this next scene is going to be even worse than Vietnam. And I for one believe him. So was there a street fighter character from Vietnam? And also really quick during the scene, they cut back to a different part of the movie for how to say like was that Tyler Dirtin where they're trying to make some club. I don't know,

they keep doing this. Yeah, I don't know how much of that is actually the movie and how much of that is the edit that the dude did to it to get it to YouTube, but it makes it way more amazing. It definitely like this is one of those movies where when scenes randomly start or restart or whatever, it makes the movie better. So there are several times throughout this movie as you watch it on YouTube that you'll get anywhere from one to four seconds of the next scene before you go back in time to the beginning of this. Yeah. before you go back in time to the beginning of the uh...

so now we're back to the same old folks drug party that we've been at the entire time where her show meets an old fellow that'll give him a job oh yes to sparkle he's pretty much are they in the same party because it feels like they're in a bible study group it might be in a different wing of the drug party. I yes no He literally says to him oh Because he's like man I could use the job and he goes I could use a husky man like you at my poultry ranch

Yeah, right and I wanted him so badly to be like you know random work get sweaty Sleep and fresh straw with your shirt off get sweaty, sleep and fresh straw with your shirt off. See how this goes? The fact that this guy didn't fuck her shalt is the least realistic thing that happened to me. Again, there are a few missing minutes that we didn't see. So I just want to throw that out. We don't know for sure that he didn't.

Stop apologizing for blood free. But yeah, like there's a very clear undercurrent of this man is going to fuck him for money that never really pays off And then Angel says he can stay with her until he gets on his feet and then we go to the first seat Like we joke around all the time about beating off to this scene or that this one I beat off to this is the bikini shot Scene with the sister was she's trying to get her to the fucker again. This is fantastic. Now, I was super turned on by how attractive this girl was, but I was entirely distracted

by the fact that she walks over. He's cleaning the pool or installing a railing or something. She walks over with what appears to be a tatami mat and she places it halfway into the pool and sits on it. What? No, what is that thing? Is that what towels were? I didn't. What is that? Just anyone know what that is. Seriously, because that is what I spent this entire time. She's like, hey, Herschel, look at this. I can fit an entire traffic cone down my throat and i was like what are you sitting on is that a whole time what is that i honestly spent the entire

scene wondering just how much bush was hiding under that bikini this is nineteen seventy two yeah right so she's she's clearly choosing her show with the the Tommy floating half towel thing But it's like yeah, thanks for fixing the pool. Can I get you cold glass of my vagina and be all for crew lemonade so like no and then she takes a joint out of a band-aid box and Finally gets him to smoke by At first he says no, and then she's like what's wrong? You afraid to smoke by, at first he says no, and then she's like, what's wrong? You're afraid to smoke?

Chicken, and he freaks out and smokes for spite, I guess. Yeah, and let's just explain here. We convince the main character to do drugs the way you convince he's to jump off a roof. This is, she's like, oh, I guess you're a coward, if you, and he's like, fuck you, I'll coward if you think fuck you i'll smoke this crack right now he was heroin right in my fucking throat i don't care yeah he was about blood gloves and slapper on either cheek and then smoke the

joy in your face i'll smoke this pot and shoot you with a gun right now so they start smoking weed together and her, she's like giving him instructions and her instructions are Deep, deep, hold it, don't let it out. That is now the most turn-on I have ever been by one of these movies But it just keeps going. It just keeps going. You're throwing it in the back. For ever! Like long enough for me to climax. Yes. Yeah, he's learning to smoke like a middle school kid I'm pretty sure I saw this clip in a dare class It's very similar to a movie and he has taught a tremendous amount of middle schoolers how to smoke drugs If you'd like heathed the teacher your child

Andrew's kid how to do drugs oh Jesus Christ That's what we'll do when he comes to visit So a reason he's staying in Baltimore. I'm just saying there's a reason why he keeps spurning our invitations So now her show cackels maniacally like you do on the weed It's like they're about to start dancing like flappers like read from madness reaction to this pot the 70 1972 pot, which is nothing It's great. Yeah, I thought they had captured batman, so I'm confused read from the adnus reaction to this pot seventy nineteen seventy two pot which is nothing it's a great yet i thought they had captured batman so i was confused and now she drags him into the bedroom first thing that was certainly

longer in the original film this is the slow motion boob promising shot where the two of them consummate their relationship and i love to like okay So we spent the first third of this movie or so saying like yeah, her soul's way too good a guy to just fuck any chick that wants to fuck him and that well no not really though if you think about it and my notes here are just me begging the movie for a sexy And it's just like come on sexy boobs boobs side boob no No black boobs come back boobs

I'd very similar no almost I've similar almost there yes yeah we have point four seconds of nipple in there and there was an ass shot in the neck scenes yeah yeah but before we can get to the ass shot, we have to go back to Monty, the child molester. And his message, the narrator at this point comes on to basically say, I mean, you'd have to be some kind of girly man, not to fuck that chick. Am I right? Yeah.

Right? You was one of fucker two and he closes this. This is so weird. But he closes this by just going like apropos of nothing just right on. It's the 70s. But like right on. Right on.

Right. Exactly. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, the coughs culminate in something. Like literally the loudest I've ever laughed at one of these movies is that the very end of this movie. I'm just teasing you for the end here it was so good uh... and now we get that promised ashot as there are getting dressed the next day

and he's mad her salesman because she didn't wake him up for his first day at the new poultry job and it's so weird he's like when a man loses his virginity to a crack or he expects a hot breakfast and for it to set the god damn alarm that's outrageous crazy seem like a bit of a bitchy move yeah warning and this is gonna be a hostile relationship now we cut to him driving his motorcycle to his first day of work at the poultry farm

and my music no to here is no one's taking the brown acid anyway because fuck you. Now I want to say from this point on in the movie about 90% of the film will have background gobbling. Yeah, ominous. It tempts right. Yes, that's what they're going for. Yeah. Also, there's so many brilliant moments just in this scene.

Him just trying to open the fence is an entire Buster Keaton movie. Just like, uh, a good push. Okay. Pull, pull. So push to the side, over side. I can face through solid objects. No. And when he finally makes it through, there's this moment where he's like having a stare down with Turkey, and I wrote my

notes, you know, I didn't think that a European biker looking menacingly at a Turkey would be the funniest thing I'd ever seen, but it is. It sure is. Yeah, we get like another about five minutes of this Stared out he's looking at the turkey like Gregor Sam so looking in the mirror Mimicking the head motions tilting him at yeah, yeah gobbling at him as though he might unlock turkey language and this goes on for so long I'm just like man. I should be right notes. That's my for so long i'm just like man i should be right notes that's my job so i'm going like in retrospect these guys look nothing like my hand uh... yeah we spent a lot of time with him staring at turkeys and then we meet lenny and you gene

and i fucking love with it they look like common-season if they had done nothing but live action role playing since puberty but these are the two scientists that work for the old guy at the poultry factory uh... i have john belushi who got too fat for his signburns and daytime television makeover can ham ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like like wow look at that pan

yeah so they go the old guy that hired in walks him and he's like like introducing a lanyan u-jee and they're in the science room and it is so like i'm surprised nothing in this room is marked science trun 2000 they obviously went to the buddy who worked at the high school

and said can you bring us some of them beakers and shit? And he did. So they tell her show that, you know, he can make extra money at the poultry factory if he wants to help with experiments. And just on a personal note, never trust a fat man who offers you money to help with experiments. Yeah. I said, I was sorry.

Uh, not loud enough. We're not doing this on the air. Well, at this point, yeah, you're very clearly about to get inserted into a turkey human centipede. And you should leave. And you're not going to be a person. Not necessarily. If you don't want that to happen, you should leave.

Anyway. Yeah, but what it really is is that they need a test human to eat their GMO turkey. Because apparently that's how it works. The FDA won't sign off on it until you have one random person with no knowledge of what is like health history is or whatever. Eat a whole turkey and not die. And then they'll approve it. That's how the FDA works in this universe.

Yeah. And Hersh was like, okay, well, how much gravy do I get? And they're like playing hardball, I see. Okay, fine. Fine. Lots of gravy. Deal. And he's that's how he decides to eat boys and turkey meat as his extra. Well, and they even tell him they're like, well, you've, I'm, I just to look at you, I can tell you've done drugs way worse than Franken turkeys.

So wouldn't be anything for you. So basically, they're like, are you a coward? And he's like, oh oh you don't fucking turkey I'll eat that entire turkey of couple scenes from now literally Because I'm crazy this whole movie's a fucking insane World gone mad. There's a time period where we all just sort of lost our shit You can tell by the hairdos in the clothes and this movie captured it You can tell by the hairdos in the clothes and this movie captured it. And you can tell so clearly that like food babe thinks this is a Monsanto training film.

Like it's just phenomenal. You know, the first time she saw this movie, she played it for whatever yoga instructor she was fucking and was like, the, the, it will turn you into a blood drinking turkey so now it's time for him to do his turkey work which is apparently rassling turkeys when they get out of line yeah he's a bouncer at a turkey day no he's

what he's doing yeah and he's also collecting turkey eggs. Yeah, I guess we all have a weird way he's doing it. Like he's shaking him. Like he's been given wrapped eggs as a birthday present and he's trying to figure what noise was gonna give you information. I know.

He's just like, kill that little turkey. I know that shit. Never shake a baby turkey. I should point out, this is the point at which the turkey sounds in this film become tiresome Like if you watch these movies along with us, you should know that it's about this point. You'll be like, all right That's enough 30 sounds now

So but then midway through his day at the turkey factory things get all slow motion and blotchy So he heads home where he can have marijuana DT's he is Jones and for weed marijuana not even once Yeah, and he's like literally laying on the floor shaking because he hasn't got enough weed and Ann wanders in. She's very worried about him. So she calls someone and the someone is a drug dealer.

I love Ann. You know, like if my wife ever pumpkin comes in and I'm shaking on the ground, she's like drug dealer first and then we'll see about a hospital if he still thinks, yeah, no, call me in. I'm fine with 70s bush. Anyway, so, and I also wrote my notes like, wow, that scene was so good. I'll watch it again apparently. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to keep that. Just an editor. You don't get art. Do you? We are keeping that. Miseon, send double me's on and and

and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and music note here by the way is menu screen. Yeah, he's, he brings him the drugs and then he's like, yeah, man, don't worry about it. This one's free. And then Herschel like grabs him and throws him on the bed and I wrote, oh, Herschel's gonna fuck this guy now.

I love this movie. But it's even weirder than that because what he is going to say to this guy is, hey, if you don't give me free drugs forever, I'm going to murder you. I'm going to do a 360 with my button pad and press fierce if you don't keep me by. And as you all know, that's very similar to Zangief's spinning pile driver. And it's the hardest, you know,

most powerful move in the game. So don't worry about it. You'll see. You can be proud. Yeah, her show is to weed as heath is to ramen. You know, you just to keep him supplied. Or bad things happen. And now it's back to the turkey farm so he can eat his radioactive turkey.

And before we get into this scene, I just want to point out, like right at the very beginning, there's this weird speed zoom that screams of, oh shit shit that's not the right button. It's so clearly that moment in the home movies where your aunt was like say hi grandpa. Oh God. I don't like that. I don't like that. Areas. Areas.

We'll watch this when you're dead. When you're dead. And there's also so so he brings him, Ken Ham, daytime makeover, Ken Ham brings him an entire turkey. All un-carved roast turkey. We are about to watch him eat. To 1960s psychedelic music,

mixed in with turkey sounds. Yes. I wrote my notes. If we cut to one of the turkeys playing a tiny electric guitar like i will kill myself because my life is over it doesn't happen like that is the one thing i would add to this movie that i think you make it better these guys must have spent weeks auditioning turkeys like a chorus line to get these noises yeah that must be fun but yeah they give they give her show an entire turkey roast and i really wanted to call westbro Baptist at this point

all of the awesome but he instead he's just like he's smelling it like does this smell like a gm o to you guys that fuck it needs he turns to cookie monster and just ma-ma-ma he's the whole thing yeah and with this scene and like all the scenes in this movie are like eleven and a half minutes long when they should be three. But in this scene, we go from him eating to the turkey to the turkeys angrily looking at him for eating them or whatever back to him and seeing that he's clearly not having a good time eating

unentire turkey by himself in a single sitting with nothing to drink. Unfucking real actor genuinely looked like kind of skeptical and then happy though. Yeah. Alright, alright. He just started killing it. Yeah. And then he gets up to leave after he's done, but nobody tells the camera man. Yeah.

I wrote my notes. Guys, you left a shot. Guys. Guys, it's over. Well, now it's just us in the camera. It literally just lingers there for like 30 seconds. Guys it's over well now it's just us in the camera It literally it just lingers there for like 30 seconds We can see in the reflection him walking away eventually the scientist comes up to clean up the dishes I guess that's what we were

Lingering therefore there are people would be like, but what happened to the dishes? So we needed that scene two hippie sitting in a lawn chair somewhere we were there what happened to the dishes bro we gotta show that daddy go otherwise uh... movie will be confusing uh... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha passes out from the turkey poise and I guess. And then we cut to the scientists who can ham again. And he's supposed to just wander up and happen upon her show. But it takes him about two and a half minutes.

Right? Like we just watch this guy. Like he's read, he literally stops, makes some notes on his pad, keeps going, he's reading this thing forever. Yeah, what is he reading for that long? I just wanted to zoom in on the clipboard. It just says like, poison turkey, eat the Croatian drifter. Wait, does he have an oversized head?

Yes. Yeah, puts a little check for him. Read this again five more times. And then show him in a different scene. Yeah. So he stumbles upon her show and he's having a seizure in time with Turkey noise. Yes. He's literally, I wish this were a visual medium.

You have to watch the movie because it's just, and the guy shaking, and the guy shaking, it is the most amazing thing that you will ever say. Make it into a super cut if you're ever feeling said look Donald Trump's the president and he's about to point count chocolate to be head of education it's a fucking nightmare but this movie exists and I can watch that scene anytime I want so to me it balances out that's how wonderful it is that's how great it is that's what i'm telling you i love to that at this point the scientist guy leans down and puts his head to her soul's chest like he's listening for a heart

beat the man is shaking about that he's breathing and moving yes why would you do that but that only goes from bad to worse because from there we immediately cut to the following scene where the boss now is mildly upset with them for drugging their new employee and then jumping his body in the woods. And he's like, hey guys, why did you dump him? And they're like, I didn't

seem like he was doing super well. And he's like, do you think maybe the reaction to someone being at all ill is not to dump their body? And fucking fat John Belushi's like, yeah, I guess we were a little dump happy. How sure were you that he was dead? Well, like he said he wasn't. He disagreed when we suggested it so you dumped the alive let's call that plan b for now all right what about uh...

no you're right had to dump him had to dump them but i'm not happy well that's the whole fucking thing is that the boss delivers this like like like like it's a reprimand for an office that has a dump the body of a drug employee jar that all of them have to put a dollar in now. You know, he's so unperturbed by this. You take him across a few highways before you dumped him, like we're saying, highway goes over to a sign and has to bring set the days until we dumped a body back to zero. No, I'm done. I'm done. Oh, shit.

It's not going to be hard. It's not going to be hard. No, it's not going to be hard. It's not going to be hard. It's not going to be hard. It's not going to be hard. It's not going to be hard. It's not going to be hard.

So without bizarre presaging of the bring out your dead scene over with, we're going to pause to gather this drink that will take to make it through the end of this thing. But before we do, let me give act three of the hard sell here. Will the tainted turkey turn Herschel into a blood-drinking monster? Will that monster's head be a paper mache turkey? Will the narrator visibly contract cancer on camera? Yep, this is not the kind of act free I really need to sell honestly. So we're gonna take a break and come back. We'll see you then.

Hey baby, it's me Hershel. I'm here to get Groovy with Jesus. Tell me all about it. Oh wow, far out. I'm all about that, daddy-o. It's me, I'm a horse-sister. Whoa. Jalax attack. Jesus, my sister religious. I am a whole to be filled. Okay, see ya. Pick a hole. Seriously, pick a hole. All right, that was weird. weird anyway you were saying about Jesus

Oh, yeah, Jesus is the savior dude and he's gonna It's me again you want to play a game? Gravity sis can you just gonna stab you a liberty you put your hand is Nope not groovy not grv sis sis we get it you're free can you leave me in her shalown for five minutes talk about Jesus please

there's a vase up my butt wait why did you guys dump the body oh sorry boss I mean you should have seen him he was shaking and quaking and making turkey noises. It was the worst. Yeah, boss. We was terrified. And then he died? No, no. We just dumped his body. Wait, you dumped his body while he was still alive.

Yeah, yeah, but he was still alive. Yeah, yeah, but he was not doing well, so we figure. Guys, that's not dumping a body, that's dumping a human, like a guy, I mean, he was breathing, right? Yeah. Did he have a pulse?

Yeah, yeah. Then why on earth would you think dumping the body was the thing to do well you know we'd quick dump his body and we're back for more of this no-budget bullshit we're gonna start off with sexist or concerned about her shoes wear about said is overall turkey monster status. Wait, this girl has known him for a day. They have had sex once and she's like, it isn't like her shoulder to stay out all night.

Like how the hell would you know? Yeah, also her friends are like, eh, probably found drugs elsewhere. Have some drugs. Yeah. And we get that for like two seconds, but then we have to cut back over to bevice and butthead the scientists that killed them. And they are hatching a scheme hatching. They will build it post facto though.

Yeah, right, because they're like, you know, they're suddenly realizing this murdering people is tougher than it looks. So they're discussing like, well, do you think we should just leave and they're like maybe we should just leave and so they decide to now i would point out two things about this scene first of all you don't need to show us people deciding they should leave after murdering someone or thinking they murdered someone

that's just a kind of given and number two there will never be a point in the movie where they like they come back to look for the scientists and discover that they've left so it really doesn't matter no whatever happened to them they just come back to this same thing happening for like another five seconds a little bit later but nothing same same so yeah fat radon of any word somebody's gonna call the police and the other scientist what you can have make over can have he's like well we can't just leave town

And he's like or can we oh yeah, I never thought That's how that's decided and now it's late at night and Things are happening You can't tell what they are Because they don't seem to know that cameras don't work in the dark because they don't seem to know that cameras don't work in the dark. So basically I am watching a black screen with three white pixels moving around in it. Like literally for the next six minutes in this movie, as I was watching it, I was looking at Eli's notes for clues as to what was going on.

Yeah, what do my notes here is, and wakes up in her water bed to a giant turkey in her room. I'm asking because I can't see Well, yes, that's what happens her Okay into a turkey and Anne's just chilling in her sweet ass water bed her Sweet ass The 70s were great Remember like hey, what's a great thing to have in the home? How about a balloon full of water?

Is it comfortable? No. Is it good for your back? No. But I've always wanted to be motion sick as I fall asleep. Hey, waveless water beds are awesome. Don't knock everything about the 70s when I was in my early 40s. You had a water bed? Waveless water bed was comfy as fuck. California King, it was huge. What would like wider than it was at all. It was amazing. I love that thing.

So, I'm fuck both of you guys. You can wear a sex on a Waveless water, but that's why you're laughing. Anyways, so yeah, thanks for gluing me in, like literally my notes here are like something happened and someone screamed I don't know why or who she screams at the sight of her shell and then he Hands her a piece of paper which I think we're supposed to assume says like hey, it's me Herschel Not a turkey monster

Okay, but I wrote in my nose like wait is that turkey serving her a summons to be fair Amazing way to serve someone a summons and that is how if I ever do that I will serve someone Right, but you can't read his chicken scratch. Hey, oh shit Oh, no, I really wanted to see this note like sorry I snapped at you about the alarm clock I'm a literal turkey now okay bye the other four pages are just a gross realist like what why would you be a note I literally I don't know what that I never saw this note like I was literally staring at a black screen turning the bright up on my computer

going how do you guys know what's going on so I might have to just back away I was playing the game um that we played when we tried to figure out what Eli was doing while we were sampling room noise for the rest of this fucking like five minutes. It was like watching scrambled porn. You guys remember that? No, you guys don't. But some people remember that.

People who remember the sleeping and water beds are thinking of themselves like, is that a leg? Which side is the vagina though? That's definitely a leg. Anyway, yeah, so Hersh was been turned into a turkey and Anne seems upset but not like surprised And they're basically we cut to a scene of them like sharing a diary

Yeah, I'm not ashamed like they're passing notes back and forth because he's a turkey now he can't talk duh but he's talking right and read duh So he's like and then I woke up and I'm a turk she's reading his notes Which is like and then I woke up a turkey which unnecessary to write you're very clearly a turkey Keep it brief new information only and we learn really a turkey keep it brief new information only and we learn even though he's a turkey he's still addicted to drugs yes the one thing the one upside you would hope that would come from him being turned into a turkey no he's still

a jonesing and they have a dialogue here like you said they really like talk to each other like she starts asking what she feels are pertinent Questions yes like what if you stay like a turkey would we have a turkey life what are kids be turkeys are like half turkeys Can we get a turkey mortgage? I feel like I'm having all this stuff and then what about Thanksgiving are you gonna be a dick about it? Parents are gonna expect a turkey. Her focus is insane.

Well, okay, actual line. What was it children think of their father looking like that? Right. Yeah. You're talking to a half man, half turkey. Maybe you're not to be focused on like, okay, but like, would you get the kids on weekends weekends and I would take them during the weekday Seven days and I the nuttiest it's the fucking craziest and

So to solve this her shall turns out the lights and fucks her Turkey fucks her that's for real and I love that I was like wow this scene can get darker when there is less light You could have entering into the camera there, but yeah, yeah, so he turkey fucks her I really wanted him to pack a hole in the water bed Flooding the room's flooding He came this is a waveless water bed the people luxury the people of luxury. Hahaha. It'll be fun.

The liner. It all stays in the liner. Hahaha. He knows the thing. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Hahaha. Hahaha. So then we get lighting again. I was so shocked at the funniest thing about this movie is the fact that I used to own a water. Hahaha. And you're doubling down so hard people are gonna be like guys they're really working those ads

and cleverly I gotta find out they haven't given us the code yet but I'm excited I'll try I mean it's no Casper mattress but it was awful yeah so then we get lighting again so that sexy cis can call her sister it's no Casper mattress but it was all comfortable. So then we get lighting again so that sexy cis can call her sister for that old, hey, I fucked a turkey conversation. Family drama, Thanksgiving, am I right? People at home get it. So yeah, so and now we've got to go back to the man who holds the record for the most public master

patient arrests so he can narrate to us what was going on while the lights were out that test well not just that but he's narrating over like the sister apparently comes and she's like hey man now that you're a turkey do you want to get super into Jesus? And the guy's like, but Herschel was like, no, Turkey says no to Jesus. Turkey is reasonably concerned about focusing on religion right now rather than for him turning into a turkey. And I want to point out, okay, this narrator clearly is selling this turkey monster splatter flick as though it is a message from God. Right? I feel like we've under emphasized the extent to which this is a Christian movie.

And yeah, he's saying like we turn to God when the worst things happen in our lives, like getting fucked by a giant turkey. That's why the world needs God. Which places. Okay. I'm fucked by a giant turkey. That's why the world needs God. This is the way she plays it. Okay. Who will you turn to when a giant turkey fucks you, if not God? Yeah, and while he's still talking,

we're clearly looking at a scene that was supposed to have words in it, and I feel like they just fucked up the audio and they're like, no, no, no, they're just put it in with the narration. It'll work. It'll work. Look, smoke some more of this and it'll work.

And so now everybody shows up to tell Anne that they can't find her show. We need to talk about the set dressing here because this scene takes place in front of a painting of a tiger done on velvet. And I wonder over your incredibly fantastic water bed. Did you have this painting as a tiger? All right. I feel so to go together really well you can play like i've got his glacier bed yet what a point out that the

okay in this one scene there is a tiger painting on the wall the girl is wearing leopard pants and there is a zebra striped couch There are three clashing animal sprints on screen at the same time and Noah loves every minute of it Amazing it was amazing you guys weren't doing the right drugs You need to lace your joints with addiction powder before you watch movies like this There's a little seizing and turning into a turkey later, but you'll be good. You'll be good. And I love to, okay, so this is the scene where she's like, no, guys, I found her show, but he's a giant turkey. And they're all like, yeah, I don't know if maybe that's maybe that's the drug stalk. And she's like, it's like something straight out of the twilight zone. I'm like, don't flatter yourself, writer.

Yeah. Yeah. They ask her, they're like, oh, you're on a bunch of drugs, right? You just told us that your boyfriend is giant turkey head. And they, no, I'm super high on drugs. Like, oh, that's true, but he definitely has a giant turkey head. Look, and they get to see him. Yeah, and this is really the first time where we've gotten a,

I'm not going to say a good look because they still keep them kind of in the shadows of what they've done to terrify him. And it's simply a paper mache turkey had sitting on a dude. Yep. And they, they, they only let them get a couple of inches into the light with it this time because they know. Because Brian made it and they were like, so Brian, you had six months and $700,000. Let's see it. He was like, the queue, the true prophet of New helicopter. And the best thing is he walks out in the turkey mask and the other characters are like, lame. Yeah, no one seems to react to this quite properly. So now we cut quickly to the turkey man stalking through the woods.

And I wrote in my notes at this point, I can't tell if the order that the scenes are in is the order they were going for. And that's how bad the movie is. I just can't tell. So I figured this out. I figured out what happened. I figured out what happened. Remember, he's still addicted to drugs. So he goes to the drug dealer's house for drugs, but he can only get his fix through the blood of people who use drugs. So he peeks through the window of Bert Reynolds house and he sees he and his groovy chick doing drugs and she does a bunch of

drugs and then she leaves so he kidnapped her because he's gonna drink her blood for the Jones that he Joneses for and what's amazing is when he picks her up she like feverishly kicks for about three seconds and then she's like what are you gonna do? What's the turkey's got? three seconds and then she's like, man, what are you gonna do? What's the turkey's got? Also, when he he stalks through the woods to get to this crack house or whatever, it's for a while. Yes, for like a good 10 minutes. Like, if we cut straight to the place he's going,

was the audience gonna check out of this plot? Like, took you had a, can't just teleport. This is stupid. Yes, but I'm giving up on this movie, really? You know, what if they had a really good looking Turkey had originally, but then they cast the guy with the gigantic fucking head and they're like, God, damn it. Here he is, guys. Jim Henson's own work.

He called this the, oh, God, what happened to the original Herschel? I had butted him and his body is gone. work. He called this the, oh, God, what happened to the original Herschel? I, I, I, I, I had butted him and his body is gone. He turned it to red powder. And I want to point out that once again in this scene where they kidnapped the chick, the camera gets too dark to really see what's going on. I had to go to Eli's notes once more. So and meanwhile, back at the weed house, uh, hersel is apparently scared burnt rentals off. So they need to find a new supplier and is feeling guilty for turning hersel into a turkey. And one guy has these sideburns that are so, they're like that, they're

like Saturn's rings, but for his face. So I'm sure there were words being said in this scene, but I don't know what they are. Yeah, and basically this conversation is like, they're like, so you want us to kill your turkey boyfriend? We're worried about his mental health. And she's like, I still love him. Yeah, well, yes, there's a lot of like,

and again, they're so non-plustive, they're going like, you know, Herschel just isn't the same since he turned into a turkey, y'all. Yeah, he has a giant turkey head just to remind everybody that that's what I'm talking about. And meanwhile, the turkey is still on the prowl. So some girl gets out of her car all stoned, and then she gets grabbed by the turkey while she's masturbating against a tree. She's so high. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, also she leaned up against a tree and started masturbating because that's certainly what it looked like. I mean we've all been there. No judgment. No foul. Music note here. We paid for this music and we're gonna use it. Damn it.

No foul music note here. We paid for this music and we're gonna use it damn it Over and over and over again. Yeah, and I love that. Yeah, it's all the stone people so he can get high off of their blood So the message of this film the moral if you will that makes it. Oh my god. You just wrapped a plot for me Oh, dude, the blood as you get murder right by a turkey. Yeah, right. It's the endorphins that he's after I got the blood as you get murder rate by a turkey. Yeah, right. It's the endorphins that he's after. Yeah a from a ladder. And he's catching the blood in his hands like a fucking armature like he's like it's tripping down. It's like from a stream and he could barely get you put out a metal bowl. Yeah, come on. Yeah, it's like and he slits one of the person's throats and they this is the famous scene from this movie

there is this special effects scream the exact same scream 12 times in a row and honestly like you could have put the will helm scream in here 12 times in a row and it would not seem less appropriate good of a Sam kinnison it would have been the same. So she screams for about five minutes while like biting her hand. But they hired a different actor as like a professional screamer to do the ADR for this part.

So the actress on screen is clearly laughing at how bad the scream track sounds because they're playing it for I guess. She's got her hand she's biting her hand to not laugh at how bad it is. Yeah, yeah, fantastic. And of course the turkey meanwhile is drinking the blood of the chick that he's just lit and and he has a beak. So, he's just adding it on to the on the end around the paper mishay had that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that eventually consents to them killing her boyfriend if they can't on turkey him first anyway so now we've got to get another stone girl out of a car because apparently this town is just loaded with them. Right and this is a scene is a guy and a girl like army crawling into what is their own vehicle to do heroin in it. Like, they're, they're from their house.

Yeah, they're a boy, boy, boy, boy. Just to do heroin in their own car with nobody around that they know of. Yeah, right. And again, we watched this for quite some time before finally Turkey Herschel kidnaps her too and then also slits her throat upside down so that we can hear that exact same scream a couple more times. And again, nothing will ever be better than watching this man in a turkey mask pretend to drink blood. Just want to say, and there's this amazing moment because shots in this movie last too long. He drinks the blood. And then you can tell the actor was like,

who's your ruler? Who's your ruler? Cut. Because you just see him sort of hanging out, you know, like you do. And also, I want to point out, like again, just to give you an idea of how bad this this movie is. And at least two points in this movie, I heard the director giving notes to the actors. Right? Like at one point, you can hear action, and at another point, you can hear the director say, get up slowly.

Terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, terkier, Oh shit. And now we get, okay, so apparently this is where we lost a lot of the action from the YouTube version that we watched because there's supposed to be some other crazy turkey killing people, shit that is not here. So if you're a big blood freak fan or whatever, sorry about the little skipping around, we're

gonna do here. But this is where the old guy comes out and her shall... pushes his face to death? Yeah. What the hell was going on there? And Cal from modern family comes out to wipe him? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Italian woman dressed like shampoos and then jumps over a fence impossibly well yes go after her she'll like like steve austin shepa that that that is enormous large Italian woman that was the best park where we have ever seen in one of

the movies we've reviewed yeah no watching that fat dude leap over the fence was worth the price of admission uh... and then of course they get to a fight. The fat guy in Turkey hers will get to a fight. And then he starts to scream and it's even worse than the lady's scream where it's just like, oh, God, couldn't you have just put that other scream back in again? It sounds like Noah imitating a baby screaming at a parent that's not paying attention on a plane. He's like, ah, ah, ah, you hear that? You fucking hear that? Ah, we're up in the sky for nine hours. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha it's in all the books. And if you're wondering, hey, what about all the things in this movie

that don't matter the fuck at all, like whether those scientists left the way they sit in the room to and what the Christian sister is up to, we're gonna find out. Yeah, now this is the most amazing scene in this movie, just from a simple filmmaking perspective, is that we actually cut back to the, remember earlier when those scientists were talking about leaving.

The scene ended before they actually left. So we are going to revisit that scene so that they can go, well, let's leave. And then they actually leave. Now the movie has gone on now like into the night, right? Like this is supposed to be hours later in the time frame of this film. So apparently they should have done there and puntered it for about nine hours. It was like they just found that shot later and like, Oh, fuck, guys, we need to tack this one in somewhere. Where are you at right now? And here's what's amazing. From there, we cut to the revelation of this

movie, which is the entire turning into a turkey section of this movie was a bad drug trip. And the way we as the audience learned this is through the sister having a one-sided conversation on her side of the phone about going to pick him up. Yeah. Hold on. side of the phone about going to pick him up. Yeah, hold on, you're saying, I thought, I thought he turned back into a not turkey head to a human. No, you're saying that was all a drug trip.

Yeah, yeah, it was, it was all a dream. So this movie was way too complex for me. So yeah, so and then she calls the sister and she's like have you been given him joint laced with addiction powder and make him think he's turned into a giant murdery turkey head and she's like yeah sorry and she's like feels so bad about it she's like I can't go see him like can you talk to him about me you, about stuff and things. I have no idea how long these characters are supposed to have been in a relationship.

So yeah, now we cut to the scientists carrying hersel out to the car. And again, he's not a turkey anymore. He doesn't have a turkey head. This movie has not told you that, right? Like Eli knows this because he read the synopsis you know i mean like the movie doesn't really reveal this to you in any way it's and i was right in my nose so the whole blood drinking turkey thing was

of hallucination and yes apparently and i i i i i had that confirmed later by other websites i thought maybe they fed him like a noast aside organic turkey and he went back whatever the scene that got caught was where rakey grandmaster comes and waves are hands over him and clears the shoppers he missed it that i thought that happened in the dark yet exactly so you could tell me that scene was there i would have been like all okay that's what was going on

in seven and a half minutes of this movie but yet and so like uh... angel tells her tells him that uh... and sorry for making them a uh... drug addicted turkey head murderer hallucinator uh... and then she lectures about uh... asking god to have more faith and he does he has like a come to god moment where he's like he's like i can't ask god for help i'm a god and she's like, I can't ask God for help. I'm a god, my god. And she's like, Come on, do it.

And he's like, God, please come to my birthday party. And she's like, great. There we go. Christian moving. Here you go, Eli and Heath. And Noah. And I also, I love by the way that when he does this, he puts his hands up to pray and he's clearly covering up

her head like it's hands are between the camera and her head. So she's trying to look around them to get on camera for the entire prayer scene and it is amazing. It's incredible, this actress is pissed. She's like, okay, maybe pray at chest level so that everyone gets to be in the movie, Herschel. And now we have to go back to the chain smoking purve for the moral of this story. And he says, I shit you not. This story has been partly based on fact, partly

on probability. What? And partly on killer turkey mutants, you stupid fuck. What? He also says those who use the human body as a mixing bowl for chemicals the no illusion story ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Remember the plot here like air go every time you take a drug you might get a giant turkey head You never know and time disproved catalyst Substrate As he's trying to get his last couple lines out and it's like addiction is dangerous Sorry, I was just saying the addiction is dangerous, literal fuckers cough. Sorry, I was just saying that addiction is dangerous. Literally, this guy has like a six minute coughing fit on camera and they kept the fucking

take. Was it, do you think it was supposed to be like, was he winking? No, no, it's not on purpose. It is a hundred percent them just being like, well, we're all out of film. Oh, this is what we've got. I see. So you're gonna be hacking along. Oh, that was, and I honestly,

I have never laughed hard or watching one of these movies that I did. Watching that guy just hack and hack. After he starts talking to us about how dangerous addiction is. I mean, and this guy throughout sounds like he should have been worried about his precious bodily fluids or whatever but then we get to this last final moment of them where he's just clearly dying of cancer before our very eyes and i love did so much i wanted the movie to end right there but since they have

one more scene with the uh... sexy sister on the beach in her bikini, I'm okay with that. Right. He needs to quit cold turkey is all I'm saying. She's scurvy. We have this sister standing on the beach. She's very attractive, by the way, very attractive girl. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. But she is sitting there and he comes up like it's the end of a love story.

Did anyone else get that this movie was a love story between the sister of the dates and him? Is he supposed to end up with the angel? You would have five of them? No. That certainly seemed to be where they were going, but yeah, now he looks like prison hardened Mexican Johnny Cash and she's happy to see him. So they run into each other's arms and I guess that's what this movie was about.

What the fuck was all of this shit? Anyway, yeah. So that was probably the greatest thing that'll ever happen to me. I don't have expectations that greater things will happen. But we've got a presumed that from there, everybody lives happily after after. So what's the moral of the story here? Like, if you had to distill this into one, you know, I think we've all learned something here today sequence. What would it be? Um, I'm going to say if you, if you eat KFC and smoked smoke nois pot you become the beast of the apocalypse what i'm saying is noa is the beast of the apocalypse

the water bed is a comfortable and a uh... and for the discerning general i think that's what well obviously thumbs just don't point the way they need to to sum up this movie. So rather than adding exponents to zero in an effort to sum it up numerically, I'm simply going to ask you this. In terms of experiences that involve both drugs and turkeys, what's the next worst one on the list after watching Blood Freak?

Hmm. Alright, well, I think you mean next best, right? Because again, this was amazing. I guess I'm going to say a bunch of bonge hits and a giant plate of leftover stuffing like surface tension leftover stuffing. Oh yeah. That's my favorite. No, I agree. That was a bad question because this is the second best experience as I said as he said. So I'm going to go with a magically vegan bacon covered turkey while getting a two tongue job from Michael C. Hall and Courtney Cox. This is amazing.

You're a Monica guy. You're a Monica guy? I'm a PB guy. All right. Oh yeah. You guys are both off by one friend. She is a friend. She is a friend.

It doesn't matter. And while that does your per-hoo view of blood freak, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to inject you with some anticipation juice for next week. So Eli, tell us what could possibly follow this up. Oh, apocalypse one caught in the eye of the storm. This is part one of a four movie apocalypse series that star and include Gary Bucy and Mr. T.

This is so exciting. Yes. Here we go. All those words were true. And by the way, this movie has written and directed by the exact same people that wrote and directed the left behind trilogy. And it's the same story.

So basically what we're gonna learn in this one is that they did it once with Kirk Cameron just to keep him happy and then they're like, you guys want to do that once another time now that Kirk's out of here. And they did. They got the cup you see at Mr. T. You think they real actors? We need real actors. Kirk Cameron was not pulling off these.

Now as I understand it though, the first one is not going to have either Gary B. U. C. or Mr. T. And it will just have to look forward to them coming later in the series. But, uh, oh, we've got to look forward. Yeah. Exactly. To Gary B. U. C. acting. And Mr. T's does not leave out Mr. T's, sir.

So, uh, with all that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 67 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free edition of every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheist and the Skeptocrat available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else

podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off on movies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slott, Nick Avivil, Draftsson, Mars, and was used with permission. If you like what you hear, hear more by following the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right knee-lye Bosick, I'm no illusions promising to work hard to

learn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The narrator's son went on to become president of the United States. That's real. The chick that recorded that scream went on to be very unpleasant to have sex with. Eli never returned to God awful movies. His work here was done. See Eli put the master sword back in its place now. I turned back into a fat statue somewhere. Then we need him. He will wake you. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2016 all rights reserved.