God Awful Movies - 74: GAM074 The Right to Believe (Live in Chicago)

Episode Date: January 17, 2017

This week, Tom and Cecil of the Cognitive Dissonance podcast join us live for an atheist review of "The Right to Believe", an exploration of the age old question of whether gay people should be allowed to walk in groups. To hear more from Tom and Cecil, check out the Cognitive Dissonance podcast here: http://dissonancepod.com/ --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

This week's episode of God Off The Movies is brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Quick note before we get the show started this week, we recorded this week's episode in front of a live studio audience and when you do that you encounter audio issues you don't have to deal with in the studio so apologies in advance for a bit of a weird echo in the opening segment of the show. The problem was corrected during the first interstitial so we just asked you to bear with us through the first 15 minutes of the episode thanks for your understanding and now on with the show. The problem was corrected during the first interstitial, so we just asked you to bear with us through the first 15 minutes of the episode. Thanks for your understanding, and now on with the show.

And at one point, he moves over, his glasses fall, and then another ad, like a cold ad, like he fell asleep jerking off the jacey penny. Oh my god, the late Brian Kiddler, guys, have you seen it? I'm just surprised it wasn't stuck to his stomach. He's like, you think silly putty in a comic? You know, it's just... It's like my belly! It's like my butt! It's like waxing, she's like, oh, there's a sail on heels.

She just walks in again, toning her butt. Again. God awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Be advised that this live show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome No Illusions. Hello Chicago!

Oh, a standing ovation already! Thank you. thank you! Oh, thank you so much! And to you, and back to you! And now I have to pee. Alright. Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because the position has Murphy Brown secretary didn't work out so well

I'm oh good all my jokes are better than that all the other ones are better So it's just uphill from here. I'm your host no illusions and we're coming to you live from the victory gardens by ref here in Chicago Illinois Chicago say I'm going to have to talk about that later. And of course, joining me this week are two special guest massacres making their, I believe American stage debut. So this is like their end Sullivan moment here. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Tom and C-socio of the Time of the Mrs. Blackout! Oh, my God! Hey, buddy!

Hey, hey, hey, bro! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Sir, sir! Here we go! Here we go! Oh, my God! You can't see, sir! You can't see!

I love it! I love it. I love it. All right, you guys ready to go? Ready to rock. All right. What's, what, uh, we're going to do a movie of some, did you watch the movie? We'll do a movie.

Yes. I have seen the movie. I feel Cecil's pain now. And of course, also joining me from stage left, giving up for my good friend Heath and rights. And last and of course certainly not least, joining me from stage right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Joining me from stage right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. No! Eli!

Eli, we talked about this. You said we could do the thing No, I said no to the thing to the a challenge was issued All right Tom yeah, you remember Probably not challenging Eli to an arm wrestle. Oh, I was I was in a numerally drunk But yes, I do. Yeah, okay. All right. He took that literally. And that's not what we do.

And he's come prepared. He's going to get hurt. So ladies and gentlemen, defending his title from this corner, my bad friend Eli Bosnick! Oh Eli Trust me, it's worse or mine. It's worse or mine Where the hell did you get that? I bought this at the wrestling store.

I seriously doubt that. There's a store in the village, they have a bunch of guys in wrestling outfits. No, no, no, you miss understudies. Yeah, they even have a room in the back where you can wrestle other guys. No! And I won 100% of the time. False, false, and error. I don't know if one is the right way to put it.

No, those guys let me fuck them. That's how much I won. That's how you show dominance. Did you look at me, I? No. All right, well, I guess this is the, let's get ready to bumble moment here I didn't breathe my cap To the knee, to the thigh, right? Just in case you were thinking that he wasn't really good Let's give VIP tickets, that'll be super fun

This is worth the money It's like Gallagher, did you bring your ponchos? This is a poncho seating situation I shit the instant I frayed Do you want to be here in? Man, I don't want to touch him Not with my body, but that's very failing Don't start don't start don't start don, don't start. Don't know what I start. Oh!

Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go. All right. All right. Here we go. That was a real. It's a tie.

It's a tie. And they said wrestling was fake. So that was the show tonight. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you. It's the whole thing. It's all we had planned. I need wet wipes.

Oh my god. They don't make them that wet, sir. I don't make them wet. I never felt anything so soft as I can. I can see you. Oh my God. They don't make them that wet, sir. They don't make them that wet. I never felt anything so soft as I can. I can feel it truly. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's like wrestling bubble gum.

It's like he's so odd. Oh, I can't get him. She's all right. Very sticky, stop. Woo! Error, error, error, it has much better, Eli. Much better. It's for sale.

You should purchase one at the gift shop. 45 dollars. We'll give you a discount. Oh, right. I am still wearing that outfit. I am uncomfortable. But now everyone in the audience knows that I have a penis that has been called unchallenging. It's a very non-threatening penis.

Even my penis cares about social justice, you guys. Women are really comfortable around it. They're like, that's fine. I feel safe. You know, my job isn't normally hard, but when I have to transition straight from Eli's penis, now you should have saw him who's fluffing backstage. For about 25 minutes, yeah. That's the least rapy body anyone else has. I assume no one's ever afraid I'll rape them. You just got that stuff. So quick before we say anything else illegal,

tell us what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched right to believe. It's the story of whether gay people should be allowed to walk in groups together. Yeah, the answer is no. And the answer is no. And a pathetic killer. But yeah, the answer is no, as it turns out. And the argument takes the form of basically a chess game between a Christian bigot and a gay person,

except the Christian bigot's making all the moves for both sides. Yeah, right. And like, high-fiving himself when he makes good counter moves, bad moves for me, for the gay guys. And saying checkmate, homosexuals, what am I supposed to do? No, God. Literally. I just yelled at her all day.

And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you hate gay people, but you love microphone hiss, you will love this movie. This movie is like if someone had tried to like camcorder the time they killed Matthew Shepherd. That's this movie. Oh, you should all leave. I was going to say that's not one. Oh, you should all leave. I was gonna say, that's not gonna be out of the show. Get out now, you're a joke, guys. Get out now.

You were like, hooray, he came out with his balls out. The rest will be good, clean fun. You should escape. I don't want you to be unhappy. You don't want you to be unhappy. I'm so unhappy. You've already paid. It doesn't really matter. And Cecil, how boring was this movie?

This movie was more boring than My Dinner with Andre. And those people in the audience that fell asleep to My Dinner with Andre are probably wondering, how on earth could that be possible? And I say to you, all things are possible through Christ. True. So. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Christ. And finally Tom, how offensive was this movie? I think in order for it to be offensive it would have had to have held my interest for longer than 10 seconds. I've never taken that many masturbation breaks. I have new telluses that I'm really proud of. You're right.

This one. This one I named at you. Oh, my God. I named it Noah. Now, I've also touched Eli. This is disgusting. You guys both have ringworm. Gosh.

Again. One out of 10 Americans has it. South Americans. That's your one. That's your one. Already. Now, is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at?

Oh, yes. Actually, two things. First of all, best worst, putting the mic inside of a cappuccino machine. Several times. Yeah. All of a sudden. And I think it has the best cappuccino sound effect, which could also double as the worst comfort.

Well, best worst is that there- I can't really subject it. Okay. Depends which direction you're driving. Yeah, exactly, right. Best worst. Fair. Also, I'd like to nominate it for best worst teeth.

There's some wrong teeth. Yes. We get a gap tooth. We get a snaggle tooth. We have dead teeth. Yep. One guy I think has milk tooth. Is that a tooth?

Is that a tooth? It is now. It's England bad. Yes, it's man. No, that's England bad. That's pretty bad. No, that's pretty bad. But it's pretty bad. I will say that I would vote this for best, worst, super Christian wife who is also clearly an asshole.

Yeah. Well, I called it. Yeah, I called it. Very clearly, because here's the thing. She is, I think she is maybe the hottest female character in any of the movies reviewed until the last scene when she transforms into Milton Burrow. Right? She goes from Corey Chase into Chevy Chase. Those people are all into Incess porn, that's who Corey Chase is. She's an incest porn actress. If your friend laughed at that joke, he's into that. You should judge him.

Oh, my God. That's the guy who wrote that. Eli. I'm on stage. I am safe. Got it. I don't have to go home with someone being like, yeah, you left really quickly.

What? Hey, man, you're the best. Oh, I am one. I want to go with best, worst post-apocalyptic lesbian. I was failing anything guys, but towards the end of this movie, we find out what Charlie's the wrong did right after she escaped from Mad Max and right before she shot her dad. Oh, I'm gonna go with the shot her dad, Google it. I have to be angry with you.

You're an assly friend! See? And that's not... We're used to it. Well, obviously we're all dying for a chance to never have to think about this movie again, so we're going to keep the break brief, and when we come back, we'll dive into all the propaganda-stay-in-action that is... The Right to believe. Oh! Beats is here. Hey! Thanks so much. Yeah. Are you okay? Sorry. What? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Thank you for the pizza. Yeah, sorry, this is the third pizza you ordered today. You having a party or no? Just like pizza, I guess. Sure, no, just just like pizza, I guess. Sure, sure. Yeah, no, pizza's great. Have you heard of blue apron, though? Oh, uh, listen, man, thanks, but that I'm not really into that kind of thing, but I'm sure you, well, I voted for it's a food delivery service.

They deliver like fresh ingredients to your door and you cook them. Huge variety. It teaches you how to cook I mean I'm not trying to talk myself out of business here, but I I want you to eat less pizza, so yeah, I actually I'm oh Okay, oh thanks. I'm kind of on a budget though, so I appreciate the offer and everything Yeah, it's less than $10 a meal actually, so Cheaper than the Zah pretty significantly cheaper everything. Yeah, it's less than $10 a meal actually. So cheaper than the Zah, pretty significantly cheaper actually.

Oh, well, I don't think they deliver out here. So they deliver to 99% of the country. Dude, please, I come here so often I notice your haircuts. I notice them. Just please, please go check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to blueaprin.com slash movies. You will love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home cook meals with Blue Apron.

So don't wait. That's blueaprin.com slash movies. Okay? Blue Apron. A better way to cook. Okay. Okay. I'll try it. Oh excuse me guys I have a pizza here for Eli Bosnick. Ah, that's me. You ordered two pizzas at once from no different. No. This dessert pizza. You talked forever No, this dessert pizza you talked forever That's one of my favorites I ordered dessert pizza once As you've already heard among the live audience for this week's show was our friend business partner and legal counsel Andrew Torres and on his recommendation we wanted to clarify a few things before we dig into this week's breakdown

So as to avoid any misunderstandings or felony charges. Right, so first of all, we do not think dragging people to death behind a truck is funny, advisable, or excusable, even during a prank war. That's right, we don't. We also definitely don't recommend killing Ted Cruz. We do not. Also, we have no direct evidence that Chicago Pizza is made by raping captive hemophiliax. We don't have that evidence. No, only rumors and former employees unwilling to speak on the record. Additionally, those were not Eli's balls hanging out of his wrestling con. Additionally, those were not Eli's balls hanging out of his wrestling call. Of course they were.

They were lifelike pretend testicles he attached to the lower portion of his outfit for comic effect because Chicago has some log and swing in your balls that people with a permission I guess. Of course they do. For us that a f**k that city. What's more, that hippopotamus was a consenting adult hippopotamus and Tom got that fact in writing well before anybody started filming. Exactly, also that girl you might have seen with

Heath is definitely old enough to drink alcohol. Ow! And when I just punched Noah, I meant it as a collegial gesture among friends and unrelated to anything he just said. And Heath didn't write agree or i'm aiming for the nuts next time on a piece of paper that he's holding right now and

unrelated note i i agree dam right and with our asses thusly covered will get you back to the show and were back for the breakdown new y York still has the best pizza. We're gonna open up this movie. Who is that? Who is that? Who is that? Too many of them. I'm on your side.

I'm on your side too. I just wanna point out that of the five of us, I didn't make you look at my balls. So, check out my new podcast. But your garbage back in your street. Move on. Check out my new podcast. I've been asking for this a lot of golds.

I thought the Chicago pizza jokes were going to go over much better. So, in Chicago? I thought you knew. All right, so we're gonna open this movie up with some, how's it made be role of newspapers? This will be the best portion of the movie. It's pretty much a newspaper.

Yes, cool. Cool. What was, what was Johannes Gutenberg like? Wait one of these guys is older than me. I think one of them has to take the old James He's plays younger than Noah. No, do you remember the newspaper the first one? Do you remember what it was like when they printed out this much of the internet and they brought it to you and you were like? Oh, that's how much slave-sons today It was written in QNAY for a minute, it was good and we liked that.

We know a wrote a letter to the editor, he had to nail it to a church door. Martin Luther King Jr. So... What's this? Can I sit out there with you? Hardcore history this ain't y'all. So, now we're gonna, we get some newspaper B-roll just in case you didn't get the whole idea of newspaper and then we're gonna meet Lesbian Dana Carvey. Yeah. And he's gonna be playing the part of the editor in this movie.

I thought he was the angry nun. It's sort of a dual role kind of thing that he's got going here. Is it the name of the sweater, McBuster? Yes, the greatest thing about this character is he will have a different color exactly the same sweater vest in every single shot. Oh my god. So we're gonna meet this newspaper editor and as we're gonna do this,

he's talking on the phone with somebody getting all pissed off, except for, he seems to think that there's gonna be music going or something like that when he's talking. No! Because he's literally, we meet him and he's doing, yeah, Morris! I think I could have told him.

He was practicing for his mind class. Oh, I see. So, and by the way, in case you're wondering how I knew so quickly this guy was a newspaper editor, what they've done with the set decoration you see is just tape newspapers to every blank surface on his wall. You know, like newspaper editors have. But now they didn't just tape them. They didn't tape them well either. So every time they walk by, the newspapers sort of wade them the breeze, they took them. And they also didn't tape them all at the same height.

So there's some at his legs, there's some over here, there's one on the door, and he's got color ads on the wall for colds. Yeah, right, right, right, yeah, exactly. It's not like, man has walked on moon or anything, it just ran them classifying ads. That cold cash isn't going to spend itself on it. What the fuck? He also, to be fair, they crumple up some news page and throw them on their desk as if to suggest that he approved the story and then was furious at himself for doing it and

threw it on his own desk when frustration. Apparently that's his ammo because that's what we first learned in this movie, right? So he's yelling at this, yells for this guy Morris and he's like Morris that story that we printed yesterday about the Mayor having an adulterous affair. Do you have any kind of evidence or proof about that? I probably should ask you before we printed it But I'm in trouble now and what's amazing is Morris's response to that is not like yes I do he's like what you don't trust me Like a teenager who wants to turn location services off on their phone

Joel Let me print newspapers Let me print newspapers. The problem is that when Morris asks the question, the mayor just screamed at him. Fake news! Man! Oh, and now I'm all depressed as fuck, I'm getting mad. So the punishment here for printing libel against the mayor is that Morris, our main character,

is going to have to get taken off of the big Wilcox murder trial and do a fluff piece instead. That is the plot of the goddamn movie. That's all we've got to it. That's it. Now, OK, so and then we have to go back to this guy's house so he can tell his wife what happened in the last scene. And, and I want to, I have to, this is a visual bit,

but this is how the wife is going to deliver all of her lines in the first part of the movie. She's going to go, oh, really? I put you on fluff piece? That's not, that's got to stop. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, gotta stop. You know, it's mags or something. Link, Link, Link, she has to go back there to check her fucking lines. I think, you know, to be fair, I think what they had to do is they had to push her into the movie like, Get her right, it's fucking movie! And she's like, no, fuck it, this movie sucks!

This is fucking, fuck it, you said you were gonna do it, I say a lot of things, fuck it, no! You know, fuck it, damn it! She's also... I just sympathize, I guess what I'm saying is that, right? She's also wearing toddler overalls in this first scene. Like she just got into big girl pants like three straight days on the potty and she... She falls down, you gotta distract her so she doesn't cry. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Spoilers. Tom wants to go for a ride. To the end. To the end. To the end.

To the end. To the end. And now, okay, so at this point in the movie, all we know is that he's got to do a fluff piece. We don't know what it's about. The editor gave it to him in a secret envelope or whatever. So the wife opens it up. Opens the envelope up and she goes,

have you seen what this story is about? He's like, no, stupid fluff piece. She's like, it's about gay people existing. Ah. She says, I think it's preparations for a gay pride parade. Yes. She's supposed to write about that. All that is is just some guy with lubing up some guy's chest

on the side. There's another guy walking out being like, no, those shorts are way too long, honey. You get back there and change those. And at this point, we don't really recognize what we do because we've seen these types of movies before, but the movie hasn't told you what bigots these people are. So all morrisons upset about is that this is a fluff piece, and if he keeps writing fluff pieces, he'll never get that great job at USA Today.

For real. USA Today. For real. USA Today. For real. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today.

USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today.

USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA Today. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA newspaper, they don't hire people. Yeah, right. What was this? What year was this made?

So now we have to go back to the editor's office so that he can bitch some more about the thing they were complaining about in the last scene with the editor. I'm so pissed that they may be go through this scene twice. But yeah, so and I just, I have to throw this line up because he still wants the Wilcox trial. And because the address in the audience I wanted to give him this one, the guy co coves he goes, but the big Wilcox trial. They're having the opening talks today Fucking reporter man, you know begin their word talkings

More than anything throughout this movie what I wrote in my notes was you're supposed to be a reporter Well, okay, so now he's trying to beg out of the out of the story So he thinks all the Christians Christians don't have to do this kind of stuff So he goes well, what am I told you that I don't believe in homosexuality? That I don't believe like like gay people are hoax. Yeah, apparently. Like they're all, no, it's weather balloons. They're gay people, they're all weather balloons.

But I've seen them fuck, I've seen them. Staged by Stanley Cooper, call the gay sense. Those are furries, man, those are furries. ISIS prisoners don't burn that hot. Oh. Those are first off. ISIS prisoners don't burn that hot. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, but that one you cheer for, right?

They like that one. You got a nice pro-ISIS crowd. This audience has an interesting line. This will be fun. Woo! ISIS! I'm tired of saying that on every show. Can I get real with you guys? You are not tired of saying that on every show. Can I get real with you guys?

You are not tired of saying that. So now we're going to head to the coffee shop because apparently Morris has to interview the guy who's running the gay pride parade. And I should say the gay pride parade dinghy because that's the way Morris does it every time he can't just say gay pride parade. So he goes to this coffee shop

where almost this entire movie will take place. And he immediately runs into Marcus, the guy he's supposed to be interviewing, but he doesn't know who that's who he's run into, which is amazing to me because clearly whoever's making this movie told this actor 32 times no gayer. I mean, seriously, they probably put a dick in this guy's butt so that he could get the walk right. He's the Christian Daniel Day Lewis. What's amazing is this guy's version of, okay, so he's droopy dog, but he's been stung by bees.

Imagine you put Andrew Torres in Abu Ghraib for 60 days and 60 nights. This is what walks out. And does it, he's saying at one point, he's like, you're that reporter. Yeah, like nobody's ever said that in the history of ever. That's like, you're that podcaster. Yeah.

It's a work to, no. That's not a thing. Plus, as a gay man, he dresses so poorly. That's he's he's wearing like the shabby fucking shitty polo from goodwill He's like, man Let's not it never been a gay man's ever worn that shirt ever Now one fucking time and we should point out at this point in the movie that like this conversation is supposed to go Hey, man. What times the gay pride parade six o'clock on Thursday, but instead he's like, so... Which one's on top and which one's the girl?

This is the movie equivalent of someone being assigned to like list when the Puerto Rican day pride parade is on the internet and be like, so what are all the stabbing? is on the internet and be like, so what are all the stabbing? I know, I know, Thursday at 6, but do you want to be an America? The fact that this movie isn't 6 seconds long where he's like, I'm not sure I believe it came the cake, I was like, wow, I'm gonna call your boss. I need someone who belongs on this planet. To post my listing in the local paper. Okay, so just to give you an idea, how bad it is and how quickly it gets that bad, basically, you know, he's like,

you know, why did you want to do a gay pride stupid parade thing? And he goes, well, you know, like, gay people are still oppressed in the modern day and the guy goes, really oppressed, are you fucking kidding me? Are you serious? Don't get so homo-dramatic, dude.

Yes. So yeah. I gotta say, though, when Tony, the main character walks in, he's got this giant fucking career bag that he walks in with, it's like he's carrying newspapers in it. He walks in, he sets it down, and all he pulls out is a legal pad. Yeah, one thing. That's the only thing. Wait, that's it. He walks in, he sets it down, and Ollie pulls, how does the legal pad? Yeah, one of the only thing is,

wait, that's it. He has some Jesus pamphlets in there, so we'll try and find out later. Yeah, I'll let him. Well, we can't find out just yet, because now is when Marcus's VCR remote rings, and he has to, has to take it right away. Like this embodied ring from backstage? Yeah, right.

I think you're gonna add a ring in later in post, so I have to answer this. Yeah. Yeah. It was great that they had Zach Morris fucking killed him. So you guys know, amazing. So apparently there's some emergency, like the fucking gay bat signal just went up

and Marcos has to go rub butts with some guy or something and we will never Learn what this is by the way the movie never pays that off the movies just like yes someone were white after Labor Day We needed this scene to end and the actors couldn't stop crying And show us the gay bat signal like why not show it like I want to see with that What did they flip up instead of Commissioner Gordon's head, though? That's the question. I'm just... I have a feeling it looks well.

You guys can't see them. But anyway, I think we've got it right here. So now we add back home to the wife again. From this point on, by the way, every odd numbered scene will take place at this guy's house. I wrote that down right away. Oh, it's an odd number scene. It's about that actually stays true throughout.

So, and this is where we learn that it's actually not the main character, but his wife that is the raging bigot of the film, because she has really pissed off that he's considering writing a story about a gay pride parade without throwing in all the parts about how gays are terrible and need to go to hell. She's like walking though, walking around together. You gonna?

She goes like, well what does the Bible say homosexuality is? Right. And his response is like an abomination that they should be stoned to death and she's like, well don't say it like that. Literally, her argument is, yes, that's true, but say it nicer. Yeah, you're different, but to be fair, she says, I would use different phraseology. The fuck is phraseology?

What is the phraseology? I want to say regular versus different phraseyologies. Oh, I don't like your... What the fuck? I want to know what the positive phraseology for the Bible says you should... You like dodgeball? Don't dodge. Stay with me.

So, have you been disdails? So, I also love to, this is where Morris tries his hand at analogy. That's the main character, Morris, he goes, well, you know, those gays, they're just like long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs. I'm like, yeah, well, the g the guys who want you to look at their butts. So, uh, if you touch them in the right space, they just, they lift it up. So, I don't feel like the tails the only thing is low.

I think they call that presenting. So, like, Tennessee Williams, it's beautiful. Yeah. What do you think was the first draft of that? Right. Like, you know, let's, like, Gays are like, we should burn them on a hot tin roof with a cane.

No, no. All right, all right. What about, like, let's chop some dicks off and then teach store. So, are we? No, okay. And unfortunately, they had no way in this movie and this script for her to like

Convinced simmer whatever so they do the the Christian movie out which is just pray about it Eventually you'll agree with me. They went that's the way it's scripted it eventually get tired of not getting ways really Just pray about it Yes, are we done although I will say throughout movie, this woman is just begging to be fucked. She is begging her husband to fuck out. At one point in this particular scene, he's talking, she kind of ups him, she's like, I know a story you can tell.

And that's code for eat my pussy. Right? That's like put fucking both legs over here. We're going to town. That is not always true. I got kicked off the moth. Be careful what you say around. Well, actually, no, don't.

Don't. It's pleasant. It's pleasant. He's got a hell of a tongue. He's eating your pussy. He presented it last night. I did. Thanks. So now we head back to the coffee shop so he can talk or be a raging bigot some more. Sorry, I had trouble with this one.

And this is where he's going like, well, do you really think people need to change their minds? And the guy's like, yes, we're not allowed to have rights. So until then, I think, and he's like, all right, whatever. Ha ha ha ha ha. Being kind of faggy about it, though. Ha ha ha ha.

And he says, are you uncomfortable? And I don't know how this, the line was supposed to probably be, are you uncomfortable sitting across from a gay man? And he's like, no, not at all. But he goes, no, not at all. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. sitting across from a gay man and he's like no not at all but he goes no not at all I've been caught at the grocery store fucking a loaf of bread and pulled off a better performance than this actor does I don't know what you're talking about I fell

This is my lawyer's card his name is Andrew Turner He represents my show atheistically speaking We're taking that name down with that name's available now. I hear it's free. Yeah Call a seriously queries only though This all has to be cut. Well, break Thomas's heart. So yeah, so, and this is when we first hear that disembodied cappuccino thing. And I thought, because apparently they're a grade we're going to forget that we're at a coffee shop.

So once in a while, we just have to hear it. And what I thought, the first time I heard this in the middle of their goddamn conversation, is that Eli had somehow managed to go in and redub this thing while blowing into cottage cheese to a straw, which is what he does when we're recording. I thought my cat ate something back. To my ass.

So, and this is, okay, so what we learned in this scene basically is that Morris isn't super comfortable around the case and thinks they should burn in hell and Marcus thinks that's kind of bigoted, so he challenges him to a Bible-based debate on the morality of homosexuality for the rest of the movie. And I will say, I'm going to go to your seatbelts, kids. It's going to be all right to bumpy ride. And then his enticement for this is he's going to get the mayor off his back about all that adultery stuff,

but he says, he's having this argument and he says, I happen to be friends with the mayor. Friends with the mayor. Hold on, let's talk about that too. I happen to be friends with the mayor. Friends with the mayor. Hold on, let's talk about that too. What exactly do you have over the mayor? Where the mayor's like, yeah, I'm going to admit to adultery.

Yeah, what? That's the only way you get that. Don't say, gay adultery. Gay adultery. Right. Well, they clearly make it seem like he's low on the, gold showers.

Yeah, there you go. There you go. I mean, fuck that shit. Infer a penny, infer a pound. You got me, you fucking got me. He's got all those newspapers in his office that make sense to go and shout it. So now we've moved into an odd number and seen again.

So it's time to go back home. And which room, because we get two. You all right, right, yeah. This is the one with the ugly couch. Um, and which room, because we get two. You're all right, right, yeah. This is the one with the ugly couch. And for some reason they felt the need to introduce a new character in this scene that we'll never see again, the buddy. Oh, Stagglety Frick.

Yeah, right, right. Show that everyone else's teeth look normal. I think that's the only function he served. And that's what I think Rick is fucking April in a previous draft of this script. That would explain a lot. And that awkwardness was sort of just left in, you know? Yeah, so Tony is studying up on Tony Morris, but I'm just screwing up, because his name is Tony Morris, and I'm calling him both Tony and Morris.

So Tony is studying up on Fagdom, well, as Buddy says, is what he's doing there, like, I think you probably should just, you know, just tell people what time the parade is. Maybe it would be easier. And she's like, no, my wife will never fuck me again if I don't shoot. God, each bag.

And then, of course, the wife shows up to yeah, like awkwardly look at everyone like she's, and this is when she was dressed to the future. Is this the part where she was dressed from the future where she is in the stripper heels? Yes, where she is literally a fambot. That she was like, this is my Austin Powers Halloween. God, you know, at some point, like someone wanted to fuck

this actress because they hadn't seen her licking from underneath the way we will at the end of this movie. So they were like, sure, a bathrobe and a nightie. What an appropriate thing for you to wear at home. And he'll lookably, like, Bathrobe in a nightie? What an appropriate thing for you to wear at home. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. Lookably. Yeah. Fucking like. And heels. And heels.

And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels. And heels they won't. Not right. We speak truth to Power here at God. And she is the worst character in this movie. She's so proud here, too. She's like, oh, you're going to engage the dude. You're going to fight him. I got so many ideas.

She's going through the Bible. Leviticus, I don't want to ruin it. No, I'm going to tell you. They stone him to death. So fun. Start studying. He's like, yeah, read Corinthians. Corinthians, it's even anti-Lazzy, you know. He's like trying to get you into the wire. She's like, I'm not going to, okay, it's great, trust me.

And of course, I guess he stayed up all night studying the gay, or either that or he just passed out trying to make it two paragraphs into Corinthians, because this is what we find to pass out on the couch. And he's covered in newspapers, or all of us. They're crumpled up, like he sheds them, like they just come off him. And at one point, he moves over, his glasses fall,

and then another ad, like a colesad, like he fell asleep, jerking off some jacey penny points. Oh my god, the late Brian Kiddler, guy, did you see it? I'm just surprised it wasn't stuck to his stomach. Oh. Hey, what do you think? Silly putty in a comic.

You know, I'm just just sitting. It's like my belly. It's like boxing. It's like boxing. And she's like, oh, there's a sail on heels. She just walks in again, Tony. Again. All right, so now we're going to head back to the copy shop

for the debate proper and Buckleman, y'all, because this scene is about 27 years long. There are two of these. And I want to point out that this was all done in one take and it's not because they nailed it in one take. So Tony sits down, Marcus is there, and he says, right off the bat, he's like, I just want you to know I'm not a biblical scholar, I don't really know what the Bible says, I just used to justify hating you.

So I might not have all of the answers. And do as credit, and again, the Christians wrote this fucking movie, the movie. The K character Marcus is being insanely nice throughout this entire thing. Like they could have made him a dick if they wanted to. Which would have made sense, he's gay. Why would you give this character the good, aren't you? The bad version of these arguments is just like, we're gonna turn your kids gay. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't give one of your characters a Thomas Payne quote, and the other one like a... But now you have Pupu on your face. Checkmate. I knew what I had to do. They write themselves into corners. Over and over again. And they do like three or four times in the guys response. And they wrote this movie, right? And the guy's like, why don't I'm talking about that? You wrote it. Like, isn't it actually happened? You know this was fiction.

Right? And also, yeah, it's not a transcript. But also, he says right away, the Christian guy says, well, you know, when the Bible talks about gainess, it doesn't focus on the individual, you know, because he wants to do the whole love, the sinner hate, the sin thing. And I'm like, it tells you to kill him with rocks. How much more individual good you get? Well, you only kill them while they're doing it. You got like if they stop, it's like red light, green light, if they stop. What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? But just to give you a serious idea how far they're going for this, because he says, well, can you read me the part and the Bible where it tells you not to be gay? And he reads Leviticus, but he stops right before the killing with rocks. He goes all the way up to there and you're like, he's going to fucking say it. But he doesn't say it. It's because it's real awkward.

Marcus is kind of annoying though. Like he's the only person I've ever heard who uses quote unquote while he's arguing. Yeah, I've never heard anybody do that. And the other thing too, he has this, I don't know, he has this, he is being nice, but it feels like a fake nice. So I think that they tried to work that in in some way.

I'm not sure where they're going with any of this. I think you're overestimating this actor. This should be my greatest challenge. He does say at one time he says, isn't the Bible antiquated? And I'm thinking, yeah, it's from fucking antiquity. Right. Yeah. Well, in Marcus, the gay character is going like, well, doesn't it say something in there about how you should cut off a woman's hand?

If she grabs somebody by the balls, I mean, do we really think that that's it? And again, you didn't have to put that in your fucking movie! Because he doesn't have an answer for you. No! I'm super weird. I don't know about that. Only the action of grabbing the balls, if you don't catch her at it, you got it. you got it. You grab the balls and hold them and then I'll get and then you're it'll be hanging. I'm doing a great visual bit but you didn't come. You look practiced. Yeah, hold on, hold on, let me up. This is not your first rodeo buddy. This is not your first rodeo. I ride the subway and you can't always get onto the things. You just find a tall guy. It's not even an empty car. Or a guy who's not as strong as you.

There's people not as strong as Ben's higher up. I can't take what. The dead. Children. Real. Dead quit. The dead. Children. We're out. We're out. Dead children. And again. So after the cheese, whatever.

After the ball grabbing passes, though, because so much of this movie, clearly the message they're trying to send with this movie, they're trying to say to the people watching it, no, you should go out and tell gay people how horrible they are, they're going to burn it, how look how nice they'll be to you. And, and of course they're trying to present the arguments that you're likely to hear, right? So after the ball grabbing thing, he's like, doesn't the Bible also tell you you should hit kids with sticks? And the fucking main character's like, well, yeah, of course you should hit him with stuff.

Why don't you put a hit him with it? I hit double-stound him at shit. We don't hit him real hard. Were they acting up? Yes. Jesus. It's not like it's your wife. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like my open hand. Open hand. I just don't want to do this. He's just become offended by his own joke and wants out of here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going here, yeah. Oh, and this is like maybe my favorite part of the whole movie where he's talking about the reporter saying like, oh, I guess you're really caught in a catch-22 because if you don't speak out about gay rights, then I have a line written out here. You'll be persecuted by the radical militant gays. What do they do to be gays everywhere? It's fabulous. To be fair, Ari's here and I can verify that's true. How was yours made exclusive of your feather bowers?

This is lovely. This is where we get the argument that gay sex is kind of like Russian roulette also. Yes. Russian roulette. So, by the way, if you're not picturing Christopher Walken, dear Hunter scene with Dix and Stedagans, you should be at this point. I'm always picturing that. Three penises.

Ma, ma. I've never pictured anything else. It does. Good. Yeah, so yeah, get Pascal's wager with a dirty hair he twists to it. And then, okay, so the, so then the gay character says, okay, but what about all of the gay Christian musicians? Like, that's the next logical question for you. That's your own out-of-the-argument to him. Here's what came up for me at that line. I was like, who is convinced by that line so often

that they were like, guys, we gotta address the gay Christian magicians. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm used to saying that word. I'm a little fruity and slip, buddy. So his response is, oh no, there's one guy who says he used to be gay and now runs a Will Shock Your Gay Away camp, you should Google him. And then turns to Cameron's like, yes you should. Oh wait, I'm running out of money. He says, because now he's got nine kids. You're like, well, nine kids. He can't be gay now. Yeah.

But also, this is where he starts to give his sort of like evolution area, because he goes like, the gay dude is going like, well, I don't know if I believe in God, because I can't see him. Again, all Christian movies think that's our only fucking problem. We're like, the world doesn't exist now. Nobody came to the show! Oh!

Why did no one come? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! So he goes, he goes, well, you can't see bacteria or viruses with your senses, can you? Now, first of all, Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Well, the largest bacteria are visible to the naked eye,

and secondly, what the fuck do you think we're putting up to that microscope? And we can't see God because we haven't invented a macroscope. Is that the argument? I guess the fuck does that even mean? Someone invents a thia scope, which is just like a tube with a picture of Jesus at the end. Now are you convinced? Proof. That's not fucking proof. And also, oh god, this was so painful.

This was probably the hardest part to watch. Wait, the part where he's going, like, but our gay pride braids really just an opportunity. This is the actual fucking line. Aren't they just an excuse for your people to flaunt themselves? Oh yeah, there's a lot of flaunt going on. Yeah, and basically he's going like,

hey look, if you want people to take a seriously, maybe you shouldn't dress so gay. Yeah. His response is, if you want rights, tone it down. Right. Yeah, he also says something like, I like my tone. I hate to see something bad happen. You're like, that's just like what is a threat?

Like very clearly, it's like a homo tornado. In the 1940s, this guy totally would have been like, I mean, look, here's the thing. We don't want to put you on the trains, but it's always like, good, good, good. Good. Good. Maybe you just buy what people are selling

for the price they're offering it for. And this never becomes an issue. That's what I'm saying. That's your so many more. I'm out. The right to hate heaps. He's so racist. And again, again, the gay character has the perfect line

where he's just like, have you ever met other gay people where they were wearing like nothing but firemen boots and a fucking G-string? Maybe we just dress normal day to day and... And then he's like, well, do you expect me to judge all Christians by the Westworld Baptist Church? Like, again, why do you give that guy such a good line? His counterarguments are better than the initial argument. It's like, you wrote this movie!

Right! Why? You're doing the worst job. The worst job. And also, I'd like to point out that the gay character here doesn't like point out that Moving right! Why? You're doing the worst job. The worst job. And also, I'd like to point out that the gay character here doesn't like point out that maybe there's a difference between like equivocating between dressing gay and protesting at military funerals about how much you hate gay people.

Like those are equivalent offenses somehow. And instead of like pointing that out, he goes, and I quote, you can't put all gay men in a little box. I'm like, yeah, that's what makes them gay. If they like the box. Challenge accepted. Is the right to believe. Believe.

Now you know why we brought Andrew out. Oh, wow. By the way, he does this when we're not doing a live show either. You guys miss out on so much good visual here. It's your fault for not being there. I'm always doing the podcast. You know what's crazy? What's crazy is how it's filmed, too. When you learn how to film a scene, they normally say there's a 180 degree rule which can be broken, but they normally keep the camera on one side and they sort of film, the camera's

all over the fucking place. It's in a fucking plant at one point, we'll get down, it's like security cam footage, it's like they put it around, it's suspended from a stream, spun the fucking face. It's like security cam footage. It's like they put it on us. It's spending from a stream. Spun the fucking face. It's all over the goddamn way. And this actually comes in later, but the whole time they're having this conversation, there's this guy like sitting in the back. And this is actually supposed to be here, but you don't know it at this point. So and he's just constantly looking.

He's filming a movie. He's going on here. There's a lot of hate speech going on. Can I get in on here, there's a lot of hate speech going on here. Can I get in on that? I'm rocking to the top. As we learn my thing. And also I love this part too because he goes just when you're thinking to yourself, damn, I think we've just peaked in insanity.

Tony goes, there's another important factor that you haven't considered here. The devil. I blocked that out of my memory, man. How badly did you guys want the camera to pick? Because we just panned from the guy in the devil. I blocked that out of my memory, man. How badly did you guys want the camera to pick? Because we just panned from the guy in the corner. I wanted him to pan to the devil and him to be like, closes his laptop where he's working on a screenplay. So much mind that's why you should come to the show. This is the point where they're talking about he's talking about how you would stop a

person from going to Hollywood. He sort of tricks the guy into doing it. How would you stop John from getting to Hollywood if that was his... If you were an invisible demon or a dumb hell, yeah, yeah. It's only legitimate question. If you could stop someone from getting to Hollywood, yeah, turn Toledo into a six-story giant fuckable pussy.

That's right. Nobody gets past Toledo. Nobody gets past Toledo. Attach water park. Yeah. Water sports. Trump will be there. He'll be there. I'd say what if it's too dry, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's it. Congratulations. So yeah, so he explains that he's a devil. Marcus. It's your four. So yeah, so he suggests that Marcus should get

himself a good devil condom and then finally, Marcus leaves so we can get out of this god damn scene. I don't think we've really given you a sense of how long it was. If we just sat here in stony fucking silence for 30 minutes You get a sense of how bored we were by the time this thing finally came to a close He says he says at one point he says, you know, why don't we just meet back up tomorrow Let's do this again like tomorrow. Do you people have fucking John? What are you podcasting? Hey? He's a professional homosexual He's a professional homosexual. Promo.

Oh, nice. But I just, before we leave the scene, is this the scene where he cries? No, no, that's the next thing. Okay, I'm so excited. Sorry. I apologize. Much like that water park can't do to that kid's parents. See, you still weren't ready.

You weren't ready. It's been nice. I just opened that line up. See, you still weren't ready. You weren't ready. It's been nice. It's been good. I just opened that line up. Dead kids are hilarious. So now it's an odd numbered scene. So, and apparently all that gay bastion just has him all tuckered out.

Because when we meet him, he's just like, oh, he's faggot. I got a tattoo. It's like he overheated his cool it down cool it is like a wet paper towel over his head also we've already been in this living room like eight times but yet they still feel the need to give us the same establishing shot every time we go back to the house we wouldn't think about it it's just gonna buy itself, man.

You gotta justify. Got it, it colds. And this is where the horrible wife gets mad that they're calling him Marcus now by his first name. Yeah. She's like, oh, were we not, I thought we were calling him that faggot? Yeah. We agreed. Yeah, that's also, she's also privy to knowledge that she shouldn't have,

because that conversation about, you know, don't call me Marcus, happen at the coffee shop. So how the fuck would she have done? He said, I'm not calling you Marcus, I'm staying Mr. Fry. I'm not stupid, I would turn gay. You're tricking me. That's how this is. Don't use his name, name to power.

Nice try, they say your name three times and you appear behind them like candy man. But what you're doing behind them is very different from candy man. But you're still gonna call him candy man. You guys should read my candy man erotic fanfiction. It is intense. And racist. On sale at the merch table. And then suddenly we get, this is so amazing, we get the title track, the theme song everywhere. He will write to believe music kicks in.

Oh, this is the pajama party. Yes, exactly. So we have a montage of him studying up on Dane-S again without a computer. Well, no, no, no, no. No, he's got a computer, and this is their idea of a montage. OK? He's on his computer typing.

They show it from over on this angle, and then this angle. That's the other guy. And then this angle, and then this angle. I mean, that's a fucking montage. That means, mouthing the words is tight. Yes, it's tight. Yes, it's tight. LAUGHTER

It's just typing. Yes, he's typing. He's typing. He's typing. He's typing. He's typing. He's typing. He's so stupid. But at least we're in Superman pajamas pants. What the fuck in who wears Superman pajamas pants in your own house? How's fucking take your pants off like a man? Why are you wearing pants in your own house? I mean, he likes, doesn't even do that on stage.

He's also reading a bunch of stuff, and you get a shot at one point, and he's fucking printed web pages out, and he's reading... He's got a computer right in front! And he's reading printed web pages! He's got the fucking menu up there! I wanted the montage to end, and for him to just like have a dick circled with a bunch of thread Just a big old butt. He's got goat sea right in the center and then Leading to it also we should point out during this montage how hard this Christian music artist thinks he rocked right to believe You know everybody was double high-fiving at the end of that take.

Oh, one tank. Oh, it's a bed. Whoa. Well, I've never heard the 70s rock setting on Cassio. Sounds so good. Yeah. Holy shit. This is also the point where she walks in.

Right at the end of the scene, she walks in with the Bible. She's got a post-it note on it. She sets it down, then she kind of walks away, then she comes back and she says, you should read it. It's a, you should read first Corinthians chapter 6 verse 9. And I was like, 69, dude. She's like, yeah, just read Lebia one and two. Maybe I'll find the hidden book of Clotaurus. Oh, he's found the hidden book of Clotaurus. Oh Legend Book of Plotores That's what they call that kid at the waterpark

Said saying You should be ashamed. I believe you issued him a challenge I believe Andrew has him a challenge. I believe Andrew has given me the rapid up and half a dog with Eli sign here. And of course we quit. He just quit. He just turned in his badge like officer maximum back here. So yeah, I do believe we do have to take a break here because we're about to jump into another 30 minutes scene

and I'm going gonna need a minute. So let me give Act 3 the hard sell here. Will Tony, on-game, Marcus? Will anyone lick that poor woman's clip? Will Tom and Eli cut the tension and just fuck already? We're going out. I wrote that line before Eli and Tom kissed at the VIP dinner. You should have done VIP tickets!

I could bring the table back out if you guys are very scratchy. Gentility is not a virtue! Oh, it's so hard to get back into my thing now. So after the end, this is going to sound flawless. Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the lingering conclusion of The Right to Believe. Oh! Thank you.

Thank you. Welcome to Pequads Pizza, the best in Chicago. What can I get for you? Yeah, I'd like a personal pizza please with peppers and onions. Okay, great. One personal pizza, two toppings. Can you come by tomorrow around 7pm tomorrow, 7pm, yeah. What? Yeah, yeah, it's about 4 o'clock now. So we'll have it ready by tomorrow night at 7, cool. No, not cool, that's, that's fucking insane, I want it now.

I'm assuming this is your first time here in Chicago. Uh, yeah. Okay, so we can't just cook your pizza and serve it to you. First of all, we're ordering parts from a supplier. That stuff, it's not gonna even arrive till tomorrow morning. Plus we have to get our carpentry guide to carve the moving pallet into a circle. That's a few hours right there. Then we've got a

hijack a ragout truck it's a whole thing wouldn't wouldn't be a thing Jesus it's not I can't can I wait here? Absolutely there's a full-length cricket match starting now if you want to just relax at the bar 27 hours later. And here's your pizza, sir. Pepperoni and onions. Uh, uh, I ordered peppers and onions. Not, not pepperoni. Uh, okay, no problem, no problem. Uh, let's see. Tomorrow, we're off for MLK Day.

How does Tuesday sound? 7 PM Tuesday. I hate your entire fucking city You know when watching a movie like right to believe we can't help but imagine how it should have gone So with that in mind we give you the god awful movies version of how it should have gone So wait you accused the mayor of adultery and then printed an uncredited unverified quote from him about it? Yes, well you're fired. I mean, I mean I'm fired too, I guess I approved it. So we're fired. I need you to cover this gay pride parade. Well, what if I'm too Christian to do it? Too Christian to write a story about the gay pride parade?

Yeah. Then you're fired. So before you tell me about your so-called gay pride day, why should you be proud of being gay? That's incredibly inappropriate and I'm gonna get you fired. Yep, yep, you are totally fired. You see, I wrote two different stories. One that you asked me to write,

and one about me asking this guy about whether or not he's going to hell. Uh-huh, that's good, so uh, that second one goes in the garbage and uh, and you're fired. This has been How It Should Have Gone. second one goes in the garbage and uh... and you're fired this is been how it should have gone so good

right and we're back for more of this shit. And for what it's worth, listen, there's a home, the live audience missed you while you were gone. All right. So now it's time to break that line flubs kept in a single scene record that they set before the break. So it's time to go back to the coffee shop for another.

And I timed this one. Another, I shit you not 34 minute scene of nothing but fucking homophobia and and it's the worst because it's like the guy goes just like well isn't it true that you guys all have the AIDS and the gay guys like well we do a lot of us have some it's so painful. This is where you really start getting the, oh, you're moving both sides of this chess board, aren't you kind of stuff? Is this where you start just, you would,

yes, yes, when you said, you just, in time with me. The whole time. The whole time. So yeah, so he comes up and he goes like, hey, can you read me that Bible quote about I, we shouldn't sin anymore? And then someone's like, yeah, yeah, here's this,

here's the Bible quote. And he goes, oh really? We shouldn't sin. And he hands the guy in the envelope. He hands the report of this envelope. So you shouldn't sin. He looks at the envelope and goes, where'd you get this? Now, I thought it's pictures of him fucking the mayor, right?

That's the, that's the adult one. That's the, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's why you couldn't provide the source. He was like, wait, who was the mayor cheating on his wife? And he's like, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at the water part. So but it turns out that what we've actually got here is Tony's divorce papers. You see Tony and committed adultery once in his life and got divorced. And so the gay guy I said, see what you did is is evil is the thing I did when you cheated on your wife.

That was as evil as me having consensual sex with another gay man Just as bad I gotta say to you like I love that they don't even address the fact that divorces mentioned the Bible is a very big Right, right like why you got to work it doesn't matter You're not allowed to do it at all, but they're like well, I want the option. Let's not take that I can't say I can't say that's the time right? Like I don't wait. And I guess I can set the table, right? Right there. Like, I don't, you know. There we go.

Well, but the big thing is, is he like, no, the reporters like, no, no, it's completely different, because when I sin, I said, I'm sorry to my head. And I forgave me. So I'm good. I guess it's still going to happen. And then this is what I started thinking. Who the fuck is this movie for?

Gay fundamental bribble with the literalists? Ha ha ha. Who the hell was supposed to watch this thing? Just one guy watches the movie. Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Well, bats steal our birds. Ha ha ha ha. Fancy birds. Birds who wear fur. So, yeah, and this is also where he's going like, well, hey, now I mean, the gay guy's going like, hey, you know what I mean? I'm a good person. I do good things. I keep most of the commandments, which is not the same as being a good person

or doing good things. But that's, and of course, this guy's questions, so he's gotta go, nope, doesn't count. Doing good shit doesn't matter. You to say you're sorry to Jesus. I expected him to get sidelined by Ray when he said he was a good person. No, you know, and he had the phone about fucking somebody. He ever stole a candy bag. He ever said GD. It does say at this point, he's like, well churches aren't they reconsidering their position?

And it's like, yeah, well, they're putting the kid on top now. Oh God! They stopped doing that because they started running away, so now you just got to lay on them like the water park, you know? The water park. So, so, so. So, right to believe. I'm a water park. Huh? What? What? It's so sweet.

It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet.

It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet.

It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's has to go like, he goes, he's a church of the gay guy, he's like, so when did, how did you know you were gay? I was like, I had a penis in my mouth and I thought, this is fun. This is fun. This is fun. Yeah, he responds with, let me guess,

you don't think people are born gay and that's punctuated by like a steaming milk come fart. Yeah. This movie is like equivalent to Jingling. He's, oh, I can't hear you. Oh, the cappuccino machine. Ha, ha, ha. But he goes like, he's like, well, you know, I mean,

there's people who aren't born gay. I've never heard of the science finding the gay gene. And I'm like, well, then you're not. That XQ28 on the X chromosome, I think it does. Yeah, that's the one, yeah, that's what it's related. Why don't read a lot of science? So just like the old testament, I don't understand it, it doesn't count.

Yeah, right. I actually wrote the script and I just wrote, okay. All right. And this is also where we learned that Marcus, the gay character, we learned that his parents disowned him for being gay. In this movie that's trying to present that no gay people aren't oppressed and you guys just being too whiny about shit

even in that movie they're like yeah my parents won't talk to me anymore and it's very difficult for me to which the protagonist of the movie is like they must really love you is that what he says I wish your people could discern the difference between hate and Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Communist slow motion very attractive man walks in This is for any like I haven't got many he's by the way I wrote him in his nose for about two out of ten And the camera and the and the movie to make damn sure we notice this because it just cuts away from the middle of the conversation or whatever and like focus is entirely on this guy like this framing for just a second like guys guys and he's like this will pay off soon.

Not that soon. No, no, we still got 29 minutes of this scene. So the guys going like you know like well I know nobody's born gay, there's no gay gene. And the gay guy's goes, okay, so you're disagreeing with all of medical science, all of social science, all the psychiatrists, the Kinsey Institute, the guy goes, the Kinsey Institute, I'm like, can we talk about the first three?

Yeah. I mean, we're back to all of medical science too. But he just attacks Kinsey with crazy, like not even eight, he's just like, oh, Kinsey? Kinsey with crazy, like not even a he's just like oh Kinsey, Kinsey said it was okay to fuck a dog if it turned inside out on your birthday. What are they gonna Google the shit I'm saying? Just cover himself in newspapers, trying to figure out if it's true. That's the thing like the guy you can say to me, he's like I don't want to do it.

Like a newspaper papers all over me. It's literally the definition of ad hominem. He's not like, and here's why Kinsey was wrong. He's like, Kinsey was gross. Yes, and here's how bad he was. He's like, Kinsey has done almost as much to destroy our society as Charles Darwin. Yeah.

At which point I wrote in my notes, one hour and eight minutes into this movie, Noah and Cecil will kill themselves. He...this is up to us. Well, the other thing, too, is that after explaining that Charles Darwin is ruined society and evolution is wrong, he then goes on to use the bullshit evolutionary argument, go, I don't see how Gainus actually works to help out with evolution and the like. Can I make a baby by Robin Peters? Yes. Who's just basically exactly what he says.

And then Marcus is like, well, a gay man can artificially inseminate a lesbian woman. But I mean, he, or just regular insemination. Yeah, yeah, a gay man can artificially inseminate a lesbian woman. But, I mean, you weren't just regular in sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think fertility doctors are doing, like, talking to the gay sperm, and be like, don't be so gay, like, what? He might have to think about something else, but it becomes an imagination. It's wet. Are we in a vagina growth? I am not going in a little box. Come on, imagination. It's wet. Oh.

Are we in a vagina grove? I am not going in a little box. So it's like an old, thick monkey's mouth. Oh, my God. What is that? What is that? That's not what it's like. What?

OK, lady. That's Anna leaving the room, by the way. At this moment, in case you're scared. What? And, and, and then put a banana in there, though. You know our similarities. That's how you get an infection. That is not how I got that infection, Anna.

She can tire you guys spread that rumor. So, not that one. Oh, yeah, the other, yeah, that is how I got that one. Yeah, my bad mother's phone. So, and now it's time for the portion of the film where we argue that gay people target children. Yeah, it's so much fun. What a fun movie. Yeah, fun's so much fun. What a fun movie.

Yeah, fun movie time. And at this point, you know, and I like this, it seems very life is where they're going here. It's not where they're going, but then the gay character starts talking about how he himself was molested into the gayness. Oh, it's like, well, when he starts an office, like, you know, I went to Catholic church all my life, and I'm like, okay, all right, now I see where this is going. He's like, when I was 14 years old, I'm like, yeah,

I see where I'm going. He goes, I was molested by a guy who went to our church. I'm like, that's the priest. Yeah. Not just a guy that goes there. But yes, the movie now is gonna spend five minutes arguing that gays are molested into it by the predatory gays. Yeah, no kid, I tried to write some jokes,

but I'm like fuck. Because that's how you decide what genitals what you like is which ones raped you. It's right, like, oh, that was great! Well, it was better than I thought. I think that was gonna be so good. It's a good test, it's a good test.

I don't wanna get shot in the cart. I thought it was gonna be fun. Right, I think that's good. So it's like, like, I don't want it in the shopping cart. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. Now that we've learned that molestation is to gain us as cancer moms are to atheism, we can move on to...

You've actually got a good sampling here. And clap, did your mom die of cancer and that's why you came to the show tonight? Yeah! So one in our audience is willing to clap for their mother dying of cancer. Thank you. Well, there's some uranium under your seat. I'm so proud. It's now a race.

So now it is the time of the movie where we are going to suggest gay conversion therapy. My name. He actually lists a couple of well, you can check this website. And this one, I went to this website, by the way. They're there. Killing people. Yeah, and it's a welcome back. No, what? That is the only gay-related site that doesn't say that actually. So he says, we have your password stored. He types G into the thing and Google doesn't come up

gay conversion therapy. That is Google for some people. So the gay conversion therapist he mentions is Dennis Jernigan. I did a quick Google on this. This is a guy who campaigned against hate crime laws and was eventually kicked out of his own homophobic church for supporting violent repression of homosexuality and Jamaica. So even the gay conversion therapists are gonna like disguising bit of an asshole. Look, we'll shock a teenager until they play pretend, but this guy's a wacky idiot. That's like Eli being offended by something, right? Just like, made some mistakes. And also, he strongly suggested this way he's like, well you you know, heterosexual men like myself deal with the same desire

to have sex with men that you do. No. No, you're just gay, dude. That's, that's just, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's red to believe! It's the red to believe! It's the red to believe! It's the red to believe! You should have come to life, should have.

I don't know how gay sex works, so at the end there I was just rubbing with her serious. Well, you put your face into the other woman's boobs and just move it back and forth. We learned that the hard way. Yeah, exactly. Now we can't be on Ellen. So that's not why. So now he's going to jump into the fine tuning arguments,

but he doesn't know how they work. No, he's just going, well, you know, if there wasn't gravity, then God wouldn't be able to be gay and there is, so God. He says the earth would have been stillborn. If gravity was slightly different, the earth would have been stillborn. I think I'm not Tim Tibo, but. So I'm not.

Do you understand if gravity been slightly different, the earth would have not survived that water slide? I think I think I'm at Tim astrophysicist to which Tony says Checkmate homosexuals Those are the actual fucking lines like I am already written that down as a joke in my Tidin the king over. You got me. What did he think was going to happen? Like, I'm not sure. Checkmate, well, not only like pussy. Alright.

That's- Well, I'm very excited that you can defeat a homosexual just by not knowing anything that they don't know. Yeah, right. That's going to be great. I'm just going to be like, Aright! How many fingers? Checkmate! You have to have sex with me now.

And then he argues before they... I had to have sex with him. We'll find out your damn naysayer. I just need to work once. No, I'm Noah, you're Eli. I'm a person who's also our use set. Christians are just as mocked and persecuted as gay people are. Now, I will say that they tend to be mocked by a higher class of people.

They get well mocked. I wrote my notes to this point. I was like, to be fair, I don't think there's a podcast where you just make fun of random gay guys, but I don't know. I don't know how their live shows do. Well, and he's talking about, he's like, you know, well, was it really that bad back in the day? I mean, getting drug behind a truck is cheaper than Uber.

Oh, I don't even know why it does it though, I say. There's an app for that. No, we just got a second one ever. Yeah. There's someone here whose name is really close to Matthew Schubert. Yeah, right. He was really nervous about doing that. That's funny. So, and then he's like, yeah, well, the gay guy's like, no, you know, it's just really

hard dealing with judge mental assholes like he was like, hey, I haven't judged you at all. I just judged your gayness. You, give it an eight. The Russians are always much harder. That's a deep cut about gymnastics. There's someone at home right now who's like, oh my God, the gymnastics. He's good, he's good, but he's not deep.

You know, he's not. That's how it is. Pedid right now. It's not that dumb, does it voice. Oh, so that's so cool. Oh, God, all my notes from here on are just like, wow, this is impossibly disgusting. OK, yeah.

So now we are 85 minutes into this film, and suddenly the guy remembers that he's supposed to be interviewing this guy about a gay pride parade, because like the gay character goes like, so, you know, we've been talking for like two days, and you've never even asked me what day it was on. So, it was yesterday. Yeah, right.

Asshole. So, and just when you thought you were gonna get out of this scene, you know, because they're like, okay, well this has been real fun. I have to go put my penis in a man or something whatever is what we do. The way I end most conversations. You want to get a telemarketer off the phone? But it's not gonna be that easy for us.

Because this is the point of the movie. Okay, so the very attractive mini-heath that came in earlier, they go to leave. This is the part where he pulls out a gun, which I will give you a million dollars by the way if that is a prop gun. That's a real goddamn gun. Absolutely a real gun. That was the easiest day of shooting. They were like, so we need to get a gun and everyone was like,

I hate one! I hate one! I hate one! Just in case filming didn't go now, knowing I'm staying brother. All of a sudden, John the Flank. The beginning of the third act of a Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So apparently this homophobic is shown up to kill the gay guy because he overheard him talking about gayness earlier. And the reason this scene is here is so that the reporter can step in and say, hey, I don't agree with this, because this movie felt the need to clarify at this point that it did not agree with murdering gay people. And it did.

Right? Like, if it hadn't had this scene, you would have been curious. That was one of the pieces of feedback they got from their test audience. and it did. Right? Like if it hadn't had this scene, you would have been curious. That was one of the pieces of feedback they got from their test audience. It was like, we feel like you're pined a murdering gay people. And they were like, we can fix that. We can fix that. Also, we should point out that he's vampire heath. He's like, one of them killed my brother. And I pictured like piranhas gave just like no now yeah his brother was aides to buy a gay

and i want to point this out and i have both Tom and Cecil as witnesses here for some reason spellcheck does not underline aides and if and only if it is followed by by a gay right right That's true. It's got it here twice. Eight by a gay? Nothing. Just eight?

Eight by a gay is the much less popular sequel to Touched by an Angel in case you don't mind it. It did not do well. How do we not have crazy billionaire money at this point? That's touched's buying angel. That's why you gotta put him in the box. So, oh, oh, this is also, we have that spectacular joke, right? Oh, God, yeah.

It goes like, the murdery guy goes like, Hey, are you willing to die for this queer? And he goes, are you willing to die for him? I hear the electric cheer is quite a shock. Oh. Now, right, I had high five, like, yeah, pull. I hear the electric cheer is quite a shock Now That's not an expression first of all secondly if it was they'd be talking about electricity So that's encounter the fucking joke, yeah apparently he's using that powerful pun base tumor

he has moved them uh... the murder away so the murderer guy walks away because before he walks away he starts off with the gun and the gun starts shaking like he's being electrocuted while holding it he couldn't shoot anything at the guy. It's just like, good, good, good. He's like a storm trooper on an air. And when he walks away, like he's got the gun, and he's holding in, he shakes,

and then the door's over there, and he kind of just goes, and by the way, like a toddler with his fucking hands full. He jog walks to safety. He does. And he's like, mallwalk. Who's the one with the gun? Yeah. Why is it?

Who's your freedom? And it is very important that you know that in the background of this scene, there is an old woman reading who reacts to none of this. The entire... The entire scene, she's just like I think that one's a four it's entirely in keeping with whatever the fuck is going on in this town

the mayor's an adulterer there there's a murder trial going on, people are walking around the coffee shop, fucking British-ic weapons, and it was just like, yeah, that's what happens in the fucking twilight's home that we live in. Yeah, right, right. Whatever, whatever. I mean, that kid can throw you in the corn field of his mind.

Who knows? She might as well like, shush him like a librarian. Like, guns out, like shh. And you know, this is a fucking high-five shop. She might as well like shush him like a library like guns out like This used to be such a nice coffee shop Yeah, apparently she has seen some shit Completely unfazed by this and so is everyone else by the way Every like nobody's calling the cops here or anything nobody's like following the guy I said, you know, he's probably just gonna go

to where there's another gay person and kill him. Guys, I mean. No, the scene ends with them like, oh, okay, well, I guess I'll see you later, bro. Can I get a hug? And he's like, no, you're fucking gay. No, no, no, no. Literally, I'm the fucking hugs, bro.

Literally, he goes, wow, you just saved my life. I mean, can I hug you? And again, in any sane universe, he goes wow you just saved my life. I mean can I hug you and again in any sane universe he goes of course Christians are great, but didn't do Gross that's how I catch it Nice try that's why I won't let you use my name and that's why I won't let you hug me Well, but I know I possible the fuck over this for quite a while and I've realized what it is, right? Again, this movie is for Christian Bigots and it's to try to convince him that they should go out there and tell all the gay people about how they're gonna burn in hell and get stoned to death and everything.

And this part of the movie was there to say, you won't have to touch him. You don't have to if you don't want to. Yeah, exactly. You can still not touch them, even if you do save their souls. But if you shake their hand, can it linger for an unpleasant amount of time? I know! Can it make a shake here? Can we just shake hands and lock eyes and be real? Fuck it, we're not gonna hug, but... Right? Right?

That's a for later, right? Like it's like... And it's the crazy... And it's the... It's the crazy and it's the it's the craziest handshake in the world. It's like two guys from the 1940s both trying to get into a speak easy but neither of them knows they're the bouncer. He's doing it. It's just it's like nailed it. Am I in? Did I get in? It was all, it was that, but about nine minutes long, yeah, exactly.

Oh, yeah, I've gotten written here. How you wish the conversation actually went the movie. And now, this is where we meet the lesbian terminator from the future. Give me your clothes. So after Marcus leaves, and Tony's just sitting there, the barista shows up, comes up. And she is a lesbian, and you can tell. A gay barista? Yeah, right?

What's the world coming to? And you can tell she's a lesbian because there are spikes on her stuff. Right? That's how you... Yeah, like glued on. Like they're not in the wall sticking up. They were just like... No, no. Metal spikes and that's the lesbian. There you go. You know, I want to point out too. She's clearly missing several of them. Like they fell off. They're like, they don't know she's a lesbian. She's still got a bunch of them on there. Oh, the lesbian's look like Koopa Troopas. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha She's been listening in on their how bad is the gay conversation for the last couple of days. So she comes up and she says,

As listening to all of that stuff, do you happen to have a pamphlet about that or something? Ask no one ever about anything. Look, she says, give a pamphlet on how to get to heaven. And he's like, oh yeah, I got one of those. Hang on. Yeah, it's the only other thing that's fucking dudes. Ha ha ha.

The way they get it, other thing is giant fucking bad. It's a fucking rummage around in it for a minute and pulls it out I wanted him to pull out a file effects and he's like how to get to heaven how to get to heaven how to get to heaven Oh, I've got how to get to hell in ski How to get to heaven how to get to heaven He means so sick by the way earlier Earlier in the movie, so Christian is using his Christianity to get out of it, right? I'm sorry, I'm such a dick. See, he reads the notes and that's how he knows.

So what? So basically, less than the movie, there's three choices. You can be a murderer, you can be gay, or you can be the happy medium of Christians. Yeah, I suppose. Like, yeah, that's the movie. Yeah, yeah, because, yeah, apparently she's all about some gay conversion therapy because, you know, lesbians

always they wanted the dick. And now, 36 minutes minutes later that scene ends and it's an odd number to see next so it is so we head back to the house and this is where his wife is like reading the story he wrote and she's going starts at 11 a.m. on to hear about God sending them all to Helen Byrdon. I'm in fire, is there? I think we need to do this again. You just go to fire and do it better. And she actually says, she's like, now what's more, and he's like, but honey, if I turn in a story about how awful and terrible gay people are, I'll lose my job. She's like, well, what's more important, your job, or homophobia?

Homophobia. Homophobia. Homophobia. Yeah. Kits a piece of gravel while I'm already doing something. Yeah. That's what I'm just saying. Yeah, exactly.

And look, okay, so here's the thing. And we say this constantly in these movies, all you have to do is switch out the fucking notes. Imagine that the reporter goes to, like, And we say this constantly in these movies, all you have to do is switch out the fucking notes. Imagine that the reporter goes to write about the Christmas parade and instead writes an entire story about how Christianity is fucking stupid. Like he'd be right, I mean at least in his story, but again they could very easily see why, oh that's persecution isn't it?

But somehow they're not getting it this time around. Then it would be the no-illusion story. We are not welcome back at that newspaper. Then it's kind of how it all started for me. And now this is where they do the reveal. Eli told me at the beginning of this movie, he's like, there's an amazing reveal with the wife and I'm like, there can't be a reveal in this movie. He's like, no, it's not intention.

No, oh god. They didn't mean it. Is it a reveal when you take away so much? Is that still a reveal? So does any loudly pray right before this though? Oh, yeah, here. He does loudly prays to himself, and I'm like, man, I feel so uncomfortable.

I'd rather watch somebody master it. Who wrote it? And pray at the same time, I get it. Oh God, oh God, oh God. I get it. It's the written believe. The written believe. It's the written believe.

You learned a lot about each other tonight. Did your friends stop laughing? Did you laugh at Cory Chase? So, I get... So now he goes in, the wife is on the couch, without makeup. Or lighting. I thought that was Ed Begley Jr. That was... It's the wife. I thought it was one of the twins from the Matrix movies. She is very clearly Gary Vussy.

He's like, he very clearly stepped in. She was like, I'm not doing this movie anymore. And he was like, I didn't give me a blonde wig. Yeah. Look, you can pay me in sandwiches. I like the seventh least attractive human that hasn't been burned. And I watched this scene and I was like, oh, hoon! This is bad!

Well, the thing is, it's okay. So up until now, she's been hideous the entire time, but up until now, they've managed to disguise it with really poor camera quality from a distance. Right? You never get any closer to her than you guys are to me right now. That and rodeo clown makeup make up well that's it yeah I'm tired from an air gun

that's the only option so I guess this is where he has to have the you know he has to admit to his wife that he was an adulterer that he that he divorced his first wife but he does does it in the worst possible way. He goes, I have to just barely has food poisoning. Oh, look, son. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck, I'm so hungry. I think that was gamma race that did that actually,

but, oh, Jesus. But here's how he opens the whole bit. He goes, he comes up to where he goes, like, I have to talk to you about adultery. And she's like, oh my God, you fuck that gay guy, didn't you? Oh, that is the only way you can interpret that, isn't it? It's about being a murderer. You're gonna kill me? No, no, no, no, I started bad. I started bad.

I'm just saying I want you to fuck my black friend. That's it. That's it. That's Tom's one. He doesn't have any black friends. Yeah, he goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I would never cheat on you. Just that first cut I was in the right zone. And she's like, she's like, well, what did she do? So I don't do the same thing. He's like, yeah, well, she wore makeup. Whoops.

And also, so his answer to why he cheated on her is like, she didn't respect me enough. No, it's the, you didn't, it's the opposite, it's the exact opposite of what you just fucking said. And then they say that right after that, she says, well, men crave respect, don't they? I mean, does this your movie? Yeah, I don't. You wrote this down.

But then they describe, they describe the woman he's cheating with. And I'm like, well, she sounds great. What happened to her? Yeah, right. Did I get her number when she sells a peach? Now, he goes, he goes, yeah, when it really fell apart as when we all just when we stopped praying together, I'm like, no, it was when you fucked that other lady. Yeah, it was really fell apart as when we all just when we stopped praying together I'm like no it was when you fucked out other lady

If you'll look on your divorce papers that Andrew wrote out for you It was the fucking the other lady. They didn't even write about the praying And this is where in this pattern be more than I hate to say this good I try to be a good ally, but I'm more of a pedant This is where he goes Yeah, she made me feel the height of a flea. You're a fucking reporter. You write for a living and you eat the heights. That's bad phrase, theology, to be fair.

Yeah, right. That's right. Yeah. Look right back around. Right back around. Yeah, that's it. Yeah Look right back around right back around And also like she's crying throughout this scene. I'm now when the gay guy was supposed to be crying. He's just doing this Occasionally, but this woman is like like not running down

It's so rough theocutious thing. She's like, it's so rough, it's not a select, oh! So they had the same machine in that scene. Oh, is this right and give this woman a fucking clean axe for the rest of time? So, but now we go back to the editors office. Well, they end that with this weird sort of awkward hug. Oh, they kind of started, she started. They buddy hug it out.

Yeah, do, do, do. I've been seen such an awkward hug. Oh, they're kind of sort of, she's sort of... They buddy hug it out. Yeah. I haven't seen such an awkward hug since Ted Cruz elbowed his wife in a while. What? Now he forearmed her first and then... Yeah, now that's a double. Moody to double. Getting the box.

Wouldn't it be great if Ted Cruz was going to be present? Oh. Why you got to bring the tone down? Yeah. Talk about that kid that died at a water park. It's gonna be great if Ted Cruz was gonna be president. Oh. Why you gotta bring the tone down? Yeah. Talk about that kid that died at a water park. They love it. Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if Ted Cruz died at a water park?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Andrew says that's legal. Yeah. Andrew says that's legal. I had it at that time. Wouldn't it be great if, not like you should do it? You can hear everyone laughing at that's legal. Wouldn't it be great if not like you should do it.

You can hear everyone laughing at that very cool job. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was all going to come out the evening.

Anything listeners at home? Nothing at all. So happy it's not me this time. So we go back to the editor's office here because it's been nine days. So he finally has his fluff piece written. My god. This is why incredulous take so long so apparently he's written one story about the gay pride parade but he also another one about how much he hates the facts and the

and the editors like are you kidding me we can't print this and he's like why this is his actual why because this is kick a Christian to the curb year all year we got a memo on this the curb stomps some Christians after we're done here that was also a joke wasn't it I thought... Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! What is that? What is that? I didn't know. I...

I was very clearly looking this way. What's happening here? Interesting sitting there, none of this. None of this. I was the show. No, it's not. Goddamn lucky, he? Interesting sitting there, none of this. None of this. How was the show for the music? No, it's not. God damn lucky, he's still sitting there, that's all I'm saying. But this is where we learn that the editor is also secretly

an anti-gay bigot. And again, the message that- Because all good people are. Well, right, right. But the message they're sending to the Christians at home is you'll be surprised when you start talking about how much you hate gay people others will agree And but but it turns out that the editors also anti gay he just doesn't have the guts to say it like Tony does

And this is also where he uh, remember I said we're gonna get every canard. I met it. This is where the guy says I don't even know how it works this is where the guy says, I don't even know how it works. Yep, yep, yep. Literally. Literally. The final argument that this movie felt the need to make was, when you put two bolts together, it doesn't hold anything up. Well, challenge accepted. So, obviously they've never seen me in Eli go to a museum, so.

We are not allowed back in that children's museum. When they say you're allowed to touch, they mean very specific things. With very specific things. Not a lot of that water park either. That's not... That day. Well, that was an example of not holding something off of it. Same confusion. Same confusion. Bob's events.

No. What are you, my little... I don't know. What are you, my man? They also come down here. Oh, shit. This episode's going to be three minutes long. They also come here. Oh! That's it. This episode's gonna be three minutes long.

So now we, so more degrees to publish this anti-gay story, and this is where we, it's an odd number of scenes. So we go back to the house. Same room. Yep. So his wife can congratulate him on getting her anti-gay thing done. And he says, she's like, oh, they wrote, they did your story, it's so amazing.

So then he does a voiceover, right? So we're listening to him read the homophobic article that he wrote, but apparently they didn't recognize that you could just use the same mics you've been using up to this point for the voiceover. Instead, he's talking into a fucking tape recorder from 1985 from across the room. I swear this was just fun to try to scare me and see it's all off.

And also, of course, during this whole bit, we're also seeing flashbacks to earlier in the movie. Like when he said, I met with a gay man and they show like him meeting Marquis earlier in the movie and then he's salting him unnecessarily when they first meet. Right. But yeah, and he's like, they asked me to write a story about a gay pride parade, which would have required that I just pretend they're regular humans and I wasn't gonna do that shit.

And of course, we also see like everyone all over town is reading his article. And it's black and white because it's from the 40s when you read newspapers and When saying shit like this was okay And later to the editor they do smell different That's your face you cut out the scene where you asked if you could touch their hair like Technically they were the root one I

Asked very nicely. Love grandma. All right, well the only other note I have is on the credits and said first assistant director guys really, really. You want another coffee? Yes, first assistant director. Oh, also, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the makeup department consists of every female in the movie. Oh, oh, oh. They also give like special thanks to like C, C's pizza because they don't have like, they're catering my special thanks to like, Bill, who totally guys a discount on a $5 footlong. Which made us all feel confused Double meat for regular prices you're in the credits my friends

It's the right to eat All right, well obviously we don't have a ton of time left so we're gonna have to keep this quick Yeah, obviously languages don't contain words bad of time left. So we're gonna have to keep this quick Obviously languages don't contain words bad enough for this movie because we haven't needed to invent them yet So instead of asking you to sum up the horror and words. I'll simply ask you this if this movie was pizza Which cities iconic pizza would it be? Keith? Pass. Pass. I don't know.

Eli? Saudi Arabia's pizza. And you two assholes! I was gonna say Quad Cities because this movie was sort of passed from editor to editor and a deserter attempt to save it and I feel like that's how quads it they pass it from city to city and hopes that someone would fucking use it. You know I heard that you guys have New York's water to blame for your shitty shitty pizza so I thought well Flint out of Flint. Michigan jokes. I guess I had a waterpark jokes. Now, there's got to be a combo joke there. Anybody got

to combo? I feel like it'd be super ironic if a child from Flint, Michigan died at a water bar. I knew I could count on you. Oh, isn't it great for you, my son died him too much water. And we'll break momentarily from the live record to wrap things up with a quick tease for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck? The encounter to Paradise Lost. Yeah, all right, all right. So there's a little bit of a break in between

David A.R. White films, but we get him back We get him back. Oh Davies in this one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, hey and Charlie day Jesus makes us what fourth appearance now on game? Yes, I think we're gonna try and wrap up his entire filmography over the next couple of months Yeah, I'd say surprisingly difficult to do so with that to forward to, we're gonna bring episode 74 to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Tom and Cecil for hanging out and for showing us a great time while we were in the windy city. Also an equally huge thanks to everybody

who came to the show to see us live. And of course, all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash godawful. And thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheist and the Skeptocrat available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodawfulMoviesatgmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik, Vivaldrafson Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here more by following the links on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm Noah Luton's Promise and a Work Hard to Earn another truck next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Tony Morris went on to become CEO of Brightpart and later the White House Chief of Staff. Biker Lesbian returned back to the future to warn them. The guy with gun at the coffee shop in Tony Tony reconciled and now teach ballroom dancing out of Tony's career. April finally found the perfect shade of lipstick, then fuck Tony's mechanic friend on a gay pride float. Thank you, Chicago. Thank you so much. This is the right to do that. And this guy did it. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on a thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.