God Awful Movies - 75: GAM075 The Encounter 2: Paradise Lost

Episode Date: January 24, 2017

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of "The Encounter 2: Paradise Lost", the story of a bunch of people sitting in a room with Jesus not doing anything. And it's just as action packed as that sounds. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts If you'd like to see us live at ReasonCon 3 in Hickory, NC, you can get tickets here: http://reasonnc.com/

Tienes derecho a ser libre, a escaparte, a disfrutar de tu tiempo. Entra en atrapalo.com, la agencia o la indivíajes y experiencias y escapate a lanzarote, la isla diferente. Porque lanzarote es un paraíso que está muy cerca, con playas de todos los colores. Y por qué hemos hallado vuelo más 5 noches de estancia en hotel 3 estrellas desde 339 euros. Atrapa lo punto com. Porque, como David A. R. White, yo he visto ese tipo de cara al gelo cuando me lo he released. Y entonces, a veces, a veces, ¿que te pones el rato de verbo? Yo estoy al gelo del gelo del gelo, y ahora me digo que todos están al gelo del gelo del gelo, And he goes and Jesus goes you use the wrong verb tense Rick. I am outside the jail right now

And I'm like yes, we're all outside the fucking jail. You know what he meant But that's apparently not what he meant What he meant is that I'm in all places at all times or something a postrophe are E of talking Jesus is such a dick you know know about the apostrophe, are you? Sorry. That's no. God awful. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because something has to be worse than the pizza in Chicago I'm your host Noah Luzon's and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back Thanks Noah. You know who's a good actor? Who's that the Lord Jesus Christ? He is delightful. I've seen all of his shit and sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnich Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir?

Fantastic Noah. You know, you know, you just got inaugurated today, right? The Lord Jesus Christ. He was there quite a bit. He made quite a few appearances. For the first time in eight years, I get to wish the president dies. That's legal. That's legal though, just to wish that he dies of natural causes. Terrorism like, restructing your audience to kill him. That's totally promising them a free shirt. That would be completely illegal, which is why we don't do that. So quick, he's tell us what will we break it down today? Whatever you lie, mumbled scratch.

And we watched the encounter too. Paradise lost. It's the story of six people stuck in a hotel lobby in Thailand for no reason where they get held hostage and lectured by a guy who claims to be the son of God. It's basically a subway preacher's wet dream, the movie. Right. Part two.

The first wet dream was an adiner, apparently. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love action dramas, but you hate that there aren't 50 unacknowledged minutes of smack talk about Buddha in the middle, you will love this movie. It's a point break meets a pointless conversation. Yes, pointless break indeed. And I feel like we should acknowledge right away that this movie is pretty much exactly the same as the last one,

except for the first 10 minutes in the last five. I mean, even down to the racial makeup, right? We got the one Asian chick, a couple, a black couple on the version divorce. If you swapped out David A.R. White for a gang rap teenage girl or just gang rap David A.R. White, it would be indistinguishable. Oh, and we would still send you a t-shirts. All right, quick before any more felony occurs. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah, I'm gonna say best worst Disappearing Stakes So like about a third of the way through the movie Jesus Christ is like, oh, hey, remember those stakes. You were worried about they're gone now We're gonna get into details, but that happens. Yeah, no, it would be like if in an episode of 24 He pretty much wrapped everything up and buy about 930 and then we just bet the rest of the time figuring out where we're going to go for lunch.

That would be way better than this movie. Can I go with best worst henchman? I don't want to spoil anything here, but if you're number two, just constantly wants to shoot people, throw a bet and post that listing on monster.com again. There is a character who a solid three quarters of his lines are. Oh, the sheet you're on there. Well, yeah, but sometimes in an Australian accent, sometimes in a British, sometimes in a communist accent, it's, yeah, that's the variation in his character is the accent.

I was going to go with best worse superfluous tsunami. Okay, so like, this is so fucking bizarre. So this movie starts off like the tsunami in 2003, killed this many people. But the tsunami then has nothing to do with the movie. No, right? I mean, there's a couple who's son dies on the tsunami spoiler.

But I mean, there's no reason, it could have been in a car accident. There's no reason why it had to be a tsunami. Yeah, the only reason that this takes place where the tsunami took place is so that David R. White and his friends could take a vacation on a very clearly still open like cruise place. Yeah. You know, they make that joke and traffic thunder about how like you only film in exotic locations so that you can do a nice vacation there. That's this entire film.

They were like, that thunder was boring. You guys want to do one in Maui? Oh, Maui. Well, and of course, they went to Thailand, which, you know, I will give them a little bit of credit for that because they went to Thailand shortly after the tsunami. You know, a lot of people made movies there to try to bump up the economy and everything, but they also did it because the hookers are crazy cheap there too.

And also interestingly enough, if they'd gone like over the northern border or over the southern border, great amounts of this movie would get them hung to death for blasphemy. Fun fact. Fun fact. Yeah. Let's try one more in my Anmar, man.

All right, well, the longer we go with this intro, the longer it's going to take to hear Eli's impression of David A.R. White's Batman voice. So we'll keep the break brief and we'll become back. We'll tackle all the but now backstory that is the encounter to paradise lost. Whoa Eli, dude, where did you get all of that? Oh, this just my new groceries from the fancy like new Amazon grocery store thing, but you guys feel pretty stupid for buying blue apron. Huh? Wait, what? You can guessy. Amazon just put out that super cool video. You don't have to pay at the grocery store anymore. You just take what you want and leave. It's even better than blue apron, which like delivers fresh pre-portioned ingredients to your door because it's free. Dude, the new Amazon grocery stores

aren't free. What? Yeah, they charge your Amazon account. You pay for it. Well, the no lines thing is cool with blue apron. You have to like go to blue apron.com forward slash God awful movies to check out the menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping. Yeah. But I mean, you just get to it. But Eli, you don't know how to cook. I mean, the point of blue apron is that they actually teach you how to cook, right? That's why people love how good it feels and tastes to create

their incredible home cook meals with blue apron. I mean, you got, was it a head of lettuce, three carrots and 64 bags of Oreos. Vegan, those are vegan. Um, okay. Well, which store did you get this from? I thought the thing with am I thought that was just in Seattle. No, no, no, no, it's all this, it's all the stores. I said, it said it on YouTube. He robbed the store again. Yep. Yep. He robbed a store again. Hey, Andrew, uh, it's Noah. Yeah, happened again. No, I saw a video on YouTube. It was, it was a grocery store this time at least. That's blueaprin.com slash God awful movies. Blue apron who apron better way to cook

but he let's put these back in the bags and vegan hey Thomas how are you man hey guys how's it going all right not bad not bad oh what's up i have no idea i'm a little scared. Eli just said he wanted to have a meeting with all of us.

Okay, well, you know how we're going to reason Con this April and we're doing a live show. Yeah. And you know how I said on Facebook that we're having a surprise guest. Yeah, yeah, dude, I saw that. What are you talking about? Who is this?

I've heard nothing about this. Yeah, I'm so I'm gonna miss it. My voice family is in town. It's you! You're the surprise guest, Thomas. What? Oh, Jesus, dude. Surprise! You and us on stage at ReasonCon is gonna be fun. That's not how a surprise guest is supposed to work. You like the guest isn't supposed to be surprised. Yeah, sorry, man. I, I, I can't make it. I mean, my wife's family is in town and I tried Thomas Merzaloo late for that already announced that it was you on our Facebook page.

Oh, God, damn it. He did. Why did we give him the password? I thought we're going to know our Facebook page, Oh god, damn it, he did. Why did we give him the password? I thought we were gonna know. You're Facebook page, Thomas. How did you, Eli? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I guess I'll book a plane ticket and tell my wife I'm missing her sister's wedding. Get back here Eli. Break war. David David.

How are you? Fellas. How are we doing? Not bad, not bad. So look, I can't tell you how excited we are to have you on board for the encounter to super thrilled. The, uh, the only issue is last time some people thought the movie was a little bit. What's the word here?

Um, insensitive. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Really? How so? Well, it's, it's just that you um, you know how you had like Jesus telling a teenage rape victim that she's going to burn in hell, but her rapist won't. Yeah, and the sting was gonna go to hell

for just not believing in Jesus. Okay, yeah, so we just wanted to make sure that that wouldn't be an issue this time around. Oh, totally, totally. Okay, good. So, so why don't you just run the whole thing past us? Okay. All right.

Shoot. It's an action movie that's interrupted in the middle by Jesus telling a former sex slave and two parents that lost their son that they need to be saved while forgiving a drug barren and condemning a DE agent out to stop him to to hell and it all takes place where a tsunami hit Wow I don't know

And at the end I fight a guy in a pool and Okay, how much are you willing to compromise on any of that? 0% Okay, we start Monday. Do we? And we're back for the breakdown. And as though to put the viewers relative suffering through this movie into perspective,

this movie is going to start off by reminding us just how shitty that tsunami in 2004 was. Yeah. Also start off by trying to tempt me with a bunch of Foucait jokes, you know. Yeah. Foucait and Bangkok are funny names. Yes, they are. I bet New York means like, skateboarding and tie. I bet, I bet skateboard is like, you know, to the top, to people in Thailand is kind

of like a snow to ask them, oh, it's like mostly, most things mean, anyway. So yeah, I are moving to Thailand. And we have these black credits being like the 2004 tsunami was one of the deadliest disasters in history. And I wanted it so badly to black out and come back up. This is why they deserved it. Yeah, basically there was a problem of evil in the world. Or was there the movie?

That's what we got to get. Right, and that's the fuck most fucked up thing. We already said that this never factors into the movie. So basically that's their whole thing is like, no, Jesus had really good reason for that. He's gonna hint at them later. Anyway. So, and also, like I saw Bruce Marciano,

the guy who plays Jesus, I saw his name, and I'm like, holy shit, we have watched almost everything in his filmography, which is outlawed by the Geneva Convention. We weren't doing this to ourselves, it would be illegal. There's gonna be plenty of jingly key grips in this movie, I'm sure. I hope for real. And for a moment, there was hope because then, you know, we get a bunch of like shots of Thailand and resorts and everything. And then there's these four hot tie ladies walking down the beach for a stroll. And I thought this could go somewhere. Yeah. Let's be in beach party. But no, but

no, I need the DVD back by the way. Never going to get it back. It's stuck in the DVD player. Now, then we get some weird ass like wrong side driving as a woman pulls up to a resort in Hawks and not just enough to like tell people that she's there. No. She hunks for like 16 minutes. Straight. Yeah. And her husband runs out, I guess they own the the resort or whatever and she's just there

to tell him, you know, get your ass to work or whatever. So he runs off to tell a son something and this is where we get the first of several creepy Jesus was he there was he not moments. Yeah, again, this very much sets up the dynamic of a horror movie, but this time, unlike we're trapped in a diner with Jesus horror movie, this horror movie is Jesus knows what you did last summer. So it's still a horror movie. It's just a different kind of horror movie, different flavor. Yeah, but not by much. Yeah, exactly. So the father, this character who we will later learn his named Chris, runs off to tell his son, his 22 year old son, that the furniture is going to be

there shortly and he has to sign for it. And of course, the son is reading from the Bible just so that you can get the all square very early in this one. Right. And if anyone's wondering what Chris who's going to be in this movie looks like, imagine a live action version of Shrek for kids. This is what the donkey is. He looks as much like the donkey from Shrek as the human being can walk. And also kind of like Ben Stiller, but like in in slum dog millionaire too, if he was the star of that, I'm calling him actually dances with incisors for the right notes. All right.

No, that's good. That's good. And so like we learn right away that this son is he went to pre-med for like four years, but decided to be a pastor or something instead. And the dad is super disappointed, you know, like you would be if you had just paid for your fucking kid to go to medical school for four years and he decided to do nothing with his life instead. Right.

And he goes, I mean, you could really help some people with by being a doctor. He goes, I'm going to help some people with this. And his dad gives him a look like, you know what I meant, don't do that. Come on. I meant like the, uh, help, not the like, woo, come on, don't, well, and also like this line is great. He's like, well, I mean, if you wanted to,

you could just hang out with us here on this island paradise. We could use you here and the sun's like, this isn't paradise asshole. Only Jesus has paradise. And again, dad's like, okay, I get it. Can we have any sentence? How do you're mopping though? Okay.

So now we cut to a black screen where there's like a timer like counting down to the minute that the tsunami hits. So you're thinking, oh, okay, now the tsunami's gonna happen. But no, we then cut to seven years later. So like, so like we need to know that the furniture at that resort is seven years old. Right. Right. The flashback is over. It's now now as a title card.

Yeah. Really? Also, they very clearly do the like 758 and zero seconds, which is based on 24, which is obviously what David R. White saw. Like, you know how a little kid will get super into Spider-Man. He'll watch some Spider-Man cartoons and they'll spend a week just like, I'm Spider-Man. David R. White's parents went to bed early and he caught 15 minutes and 24 and he's like, oh, yeah, the next one is 24 because it's going to say 758.00 and I'm Trich star and I've got that too. Yeah, like halfway through watches Batman clearly too. Yeah, right, right, exactly. But we learn right away that he is a DEA agent. Actually, we don't learn that. We learned he's

some sort of international cop or whatever. And he's tracked a drug dealer to this little town in Thailand, but his boss won't let him arrest him because he has to get way done backup or be less rogue or something. Right. And this is an amazing moment where he's like, I got to take him down. He's like, no, we need him to have evidence. He's like, damn. And then he takes out of his pocket his ID on a lanyard. Like he said, damn. And then he takes out of his pocket, his ID on a lanyard, like he's got goddamn paper supplies convention. And like it's a goddamn badge, like it's a police badge, like you would imagine an officer like the way they display, I'm a police officer in cop movies. That's what David R. White does with a lanyard that he's

got around his neck and we'll keep around his neck for the rest of the movie unless someone takes it away from him. Right. And also I love the fact that this like bleached blonde white guy with different colored facial hair is trying to blend in and Thailand. Yeah, just kind of, you know, hanging out. Oh, this lanyard. Why did I put that on if I'm trying to? Yeah, never mind.

And also we meet the bad guy here who definitely shops at fly pimps Aras kept expecting to pan down to the fish in his shoes. It looks like an extra from old male prostitute the musical. I have him as hungry hungry Alan Alda. Well, and he's one of those like vaguely recognizable actors. You know, you may remember him from his seminal roles and changed heat, three ninjas kick back and two episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger. He was in three ninjas kick back. He was in three ninjas kick back. This review is over. So cool. We started this show. We swore there were lines we would

not cross. And that was no matter what members of the cast of three Ninjas kickback did we would not bring this to their door. Sorry too late. So and of course he has one of those Jesus spotting moments as well, you know, where Jesus shows up and he even turns to his to his buddy and he goes, do you see that white guy? Like, like that's what you would do if you saw a person is like when I see heath, I have to turn to someone next to me and go, hey, do you see that white guy like that's what you would do if you saw a person is like when I see heath, I have to turn to someone next to me and go, Hey, do you see heath, too, or is he a ghost? And the guy's like, no, I can't, I can't see the guy. Or you build in the top six on IMDB because that's why you can't do it. You have to be in the top six.

Apparently. Also, I love to because like, um, David A.R. White's like walking through the village just kind of like looking at Thai children like Andy Wilson reordering inventory. And he comes across these two kids sharing a juice box and and and just creepily stares at him for a really long time. Right. And I wrote in my notes as a joke, I want David or white to have a flashback triggered by soda.

And that is exactly what happens I wrote my no fuck I need to start wishing for better shit And of course this is this is also where like the kid who is the spotter for the bad guys notices the cop and runs into Warnham So and then of course we cut inside to the bad guy boardroom, I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The drug corporation of Mr. Deville.

Yes. Yes. Evil Rob Reiner is back for more. He looks like he's about to get raped by Lisbeth Slander. Yeah. Yeah. So, he, so the guy who played the Satan in the last movie is now the drug King pin or whatever in this movie And he's talking to Bruno the Pimp guy that we met earlier. Okay, and real quick

Does he have a team of little people on phones? Is that part of his drug cartel? What are they doing cold calls for heroin? Just wonder if you wanted another heroin Great customer service. We're not one of the big guys. You know, it's really, we're a person to person business. I don't know. That was offensive. Why are there all little people though? They don't talk that way.

They don't talk that way. Fine. I'm afraid of the truth here on God awful movie. They do not talk that way is the official position of this podcast. Yes, exactly. I never get to give official position. Everyone knows this answer to that question, except for you, Eli, everyone listening in.

So and also speaking of people talking funny, this is where we first meet Charlie who is Bruno's sidekick. And immediately from the first time he starts speaking, I'm like, what the fuck accent is this guy going for? It will switch mid sentence from Australian to British to New Zealand, Japan. It doesn't say. South Africa. Yeah.

Communists, like you said, yep, capitalist. It sounds like me doing my Ray Comfort impersonation while lowering myself into a vat of molasses. Look, hey, it's me. Oh, okay, once it egg hits his awful cold in here, and a little bit of the cake. You do cold molasses? That's weird.

You gotta warm it up and then let it cool. That's weird. You said we weren't allowed to make little people joke. You know what, I admit, this is the problem. It goes back and forth, back and forth. The real change. Most people don't know molasses is made out of little bunch. That's true. That's just a science. That is a science. They do a whole episode

of Cosmos about it. So what's happening? I don't know. We're off the rails early as what's happening. So a little tyke comes running into the room, frightfully yelling white man to which I wrote the Eli Bosnick story. So all the way, they're like, you know, oh, there's a cop outside. So then we, the bad guys run off and we get the like suspenseful running music. And this is where we get to watch David A.R. white compete with Gary Busy for running skills. Oh, God.

And it's amazing because David our white is just wandering about Thailand with a drawn gun to the absolute non reaction of anyone he meets for the next 850 minutes. Wait a while. But it's the best. At one point, he goes through like a little alley and he just starts like knocking over boxes in front of himself. Yes. For no reason, just to be like extra dramatic. He like knocks him over and then half trips over them. He might as well grab an apple cart and like roll it over and then and then trip on the apples like slap

stick pratfall. Well, and that's what's so weird about this because they're clearly not going for comedy here. Why the fuck can't he run down an alley? The other guy just ran down this alley, anyway. Oh, and there's an incredible moment where they try to do the like handheld camera swing. Yes. They obviously got someone who like visits the buffet twice a day

to do it, because you can practically hear the cameraman huffing and puffing as it it swings and then the camera just sort of like, that could have been David A.R. White walking. Well, that's true. That's true. Yeah. And of course, then send here becomes heavy breathing. Yeah. So he's walking by this group of people and he's walking by him, by the way, as though their vision was based on movement, this family eating their noodles or whatever. So now he finally catches up with Bruno, who has split up from his sidekick at this point. So he wants, he's out to arrest him.

Unfortunately, he's not allowed to do that because he's in some other person's country. Yeah. And basically the, the, the Thai cops show up because he's like pushing him forward and they're like, hey, man, you can't just arrest people in our country. And he goes, do you have an international arrest warrant which sure isn't a thing? Nope. And then we later learned that he's a member of the DEA, which even if there were such a thing as international arrest warrants, that's kind

of like a traffic cup writing tickets in France, just being like, uh, right? Like, okay. So now there is such a thing as an interpol red notice, which is basically the closest thing to an international arrest warrant. But that's a request for cooperation. You don't just show up in somebody's country and start running around with a fucking gun with you anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, right.

But he says, do you have a warrant? He's like, man, think it's at the office. And then the cops like, well, that means the heroin dealer goes free. So that's how that works. Yeah. I'm Paulie D from the Jersey Shore. And I'm a cop and Tyler. And he goes free. Also he at this point when they let him go, he goes, what's he paying you? And the tie cop goes, okay, now he or under arrest. Meanness to an officer of the, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There was paperwork before, but now you're under arrest. Yeah.

Well, and of course, he fights back like you would. And so he girly punches the cop and then they knock him out with a slow motion log. Yeah, they're all like, oh, it looks like we forgot our night sticks. Hmm. Good thing there's a perforated piece of ball. So right here, the most slow motion hits you over the back. It's like they just assumed Tai Chi came from Thailand and they thought everybody fights some slow motion there or something. I don't get it. The first awkward day of shooting. They're like, all right, now Tai Chi.

And go. Not us guys, not us. Do you have those planes from Star Wars? Tai Chi was my side. He was a third. He was a third. He was a third. He was a third.

He was a third. He spelled it THI. He did, he did. He did. Fun fact, little people in those places. That's why they never showed him. I'm going to have so much editing to do. Thank you, Eli. So, okay. So now we cut back to Bruno, who's meeting up with his goon that he split up from earlier, which was pointless since the guy couldn't

arrest him anyway. Anyway, so they go back to the start on this is what we're going to meet Mimi the tied chick that's 48 years younger than this actor. It is married to him in this movie, I guess. And it's very clearly supposed to be the love story at no point does this movie go. Yeah, they're just like yeah, no, that's the couple of the movie. We see that. That was two year old and a 21 year old and they're they like, yeah, no, that's the couple of the movie we show to you. Old and 21 year old and they're, uh, they have a little heroine love.

Yep. And she's mad at him because like he didn't bring her heroine. And so she locks herself in the bathroom and gets into the tub fully dressed. And I wrote my notes, man, I hate it when you have a fight and she gets into the tub fully dressed. Don't do this. Come on. I'm not even gonna with you and the tub and the clothes on me.

Amy, the implication is she's going to commit suicide, right? I thought. Was it? I felt like it was. And he's standing outside the door, like thinking about this. It's a really weird moment. He's like, hmm, maybe suicide, should I knock? It's not.

I'm going to get it's a tacky if I knock, should I knock? It's not. I'm gonna get to tacky if I knock, but I feel like it might be suicide now. I thought it was just like a powder moment, like just like, uh, Mimi, she was like, I wanna go out for English food. And it's like, oh, that place is closed and she gets in the tub where they're closed on again.

It's like, yeah. Cause it wakes everything else in the hamper wet, Mimi. That's why it's a problem. It's in the whole win. And then it's mildewing. And the lady gives me a look when I bring it in. Well, then you can bring it in. If that's the daughter of a pressurization, you can bring it in.

Don't give me molasses for the tub. We don't have any molasses for the tub. So then we cut over to David and Jail, you know, for punching a cop and ghost Jesus is watching him as well. Yeah. Okay. Stalker Jesus.

He's in these weird unnatural positions each time. So like next time I want to see him swing in like Miley Cyrus on a record fall or something. Get creative with it. So then his chief comes and he's like, let him out. I got you one of those international pardons that comes along with those international ones. And I want to point out that this Asian chief who will only see once more in the movie is wearing a lovely giant jade locket with what I can only assume is David R. White's picture inside. Yeah, but this is where we learn that they've agreed to let David A.R. White go. They've

confiscated his gun and a condition of his release is that he has to go back to L. A. and stop being so damn rogue all the time. And he's like, I'm going to keep hunting the Bruno guy. The bus is like, please don't. You're suspended. Please come back to jail. He's gone. Yes, exactly. David R. White obviously like went back to his trailer, right, to cry because he had to have his arms behind his back for more than 30 seconds. And so that actor was forced to do that entire second half of the scene by himself. All right.

Turn in your badge and gun. Are you going? No. Come on. It's just been revoked. I look stupid now. So then he goes, he, Davey leaves the jail and goes to the opium, dad and disco tech hallway of doom.

What the fuck was this place? Somewhere across the street from a giant pink spotlight. I don't know. Yes. Yeah, but apparently he's going to see evil rob Reiner, Mr. Deville from before. Mr. Deville. Yeah, did it. Good.

subtle. And and Mr. Deville's first line in this scene is literally, oh, that's right. I forgot. Your only vice is how much you hate drug. Do you? That's not him. He goes, is that? Yeah, you hate drug dealers. That's not him. He goes, is that? Yeah, you don't drink, you don't smoke, you don't gamble.

You just hate a lot of drug dealers. That's kind of your thing. Yeah, and there's this really confusing part. Maybe you guys can explain this to me. Nope. No. All right. So an already no, I'm going to try anyway.

So DeField says he's like, all right, I'm going to give you a big discount on something. Is it drug or the information of where bill is? Oh, okay. A discount on that. So like 50% off the cost of me telling you where this person is that I want you to murder. And then he gives him a gun. And they says, I hope we have a more permanent relationship in the future.

I have no idea what just happened. Yeah. So I think what he's going for is if you had a gun, you could threaten me. And if you were still a policeman, you could like do me a favor. But since you can't do either of those, you would bribe me. And I'll tell you where Bruno is. So I'm going to give you a big discount, which is apparently free. I'm also a bonus gun because it's

bogo by one information, get one gun free. Yeah. And then that hopefully later we can do a Dutch rudder in a hot tub. Okay. Well, that all tracks. One of their questions though, so I don't understand. Do you, you're not supposed to like go up the dealer chain to the dealer above to catch the dealer below, hoping he then rolls over on the guy you just visited and already know about just arrest the top. I don't. Yeah, right, right. Like he's like, man, I can't find this drug dealer. I'll go to his boss. What? Also, I watched this on YouTube and it had checked subtitles. And I want to point out that because as he leaves this with the gun that evil rob Reiner just gave him evil rob Reiner is cackling evil leaf. And they actually wrote out,

ha ha ha in the subtitles. Because apparently check people. How do check people say hi? Yeah, right? I know it was ha ha ha in the subtitles. There's apparently check people. How do check people say hi? Yeah, right. I know it was ha ha ha. I guess so yeah. Ja ja ja ja. There is no laughter and check. Right right. That's what it is. It's so lucky you didn't know that. All right. I don't know where checklist LaVocchi is. It's not a place that exists anymore. Yeah, no, no. Made up. There's a language though.

There is a language still. So yeah, no, this is the Czech Republic now. It's the Vocca. So and Ansel Vocca. Well, yeah, but yeah, I guess they probably still speak the same language. Anyway, yeah, the geography lesson is over. Now we cut to a speedboat.

My music note here is, our lawyers insist that this is far enough away from the Miami Vice team to avoid legal action. My music note is this computer is underwater. This is a weird section. They put on a green filter all over everything. Yeah. For a second and then turn it off and then turn it on and then turn it off and then turn it off and we get like six cuts going back and with just what color is everything just pick.

What color everything is. It's fine. I'll believe you either way. Well, and also we need apparently a lot of establishing shot here, right? Because apparently Davey wanted to stand at the front of that fucking speedboat doing. I'm the king of the world all day and night. They're like, we're using this footage guaranteed that cameanteed. That came out of his mouth. He just got a good 10 times. So I think we need one more take. Okay. Can you not say we?

You can take that out and pull. So now eventually, I guess he's where he's going on this speed boat is to the resort from the beginning of the movie, which is where Bruno is going. Why? Why is he going there? Can you guys explain why he's going there? Nope. And he's got to go somewhere, I guess.

So before we get to that, we have to cut to the dad from the beginning, who is sitting on the beach talking to his son's ghost. Yep. Yep. Which they don't explain right away. It's just him talking to the son and then occasionally it it it cussed to a different angle and you can't see the sun and it's just like, okay, I know you're going for something here because I I actually pay attention to these movies, but like don't think that we

wouldn't just assume continuity error. I mean, I I always assume the characters from the first part of the movie are dead the next time I see that. Well, yeah, and apparently they're evacuating the island because of a storm that's coming or whatever. So she comes up to us, she's like, all right, everyone's evacuated but us. And she's like, oh, whoa, go to the shows. I would play a Tory here.

And she's like, fine, I'm divorcing your ass. And he, and he turns to ghost son son and he goes, don't worry. We're not going to get divorced. I have something else in mind. Keri, you guys thought that man he was going to murder her, right? Especially when he's got a gun. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Bulls out of gun. But instead he's going to point it in the least suicidal way possible at his head. He might as well point this downwards at the top of his head. Would that not work? I feel like all the different ways you could point at your head would work. No, there's only one way to find out. And win a free t-shirt at the same time.

Fuck. But here's the music part of the scene. He has the gun out. but he's at the same time. He walks out into the water. And as if he's going to drown himself and shoot himself. Yeah, well, you want to like slit your wrist while you're falling off the building. Obviously.

A little bit of a spoiler. We will find out in the movie that his plan was to wait until the storm starts, walk out into the waves, and then shoot himself. And Jesus blows up his spot later in the movie. And I feel like that's extensive. Like I wanted him to tie a new surround his neck. It's also tied to like slits his wrists and takes poison all the same. Like the goddamn white spy in the black smile. Right.

But just as like as the what we said, so we see two quick cuts like the wife is running off to go divorce him and you hear Jesus is voice saying, don't give up hope yet. And then we cut to the dad and the dad's and Jesus is going, put the gun down. Right, but I feel like yeah, he's like, put the gun down. I feel like the whisper needs to keep going though. Right, but I feel like, yeah, he's like, put the gun down. I feel like the whisper needs to keep going though. Like, well, right.

Cause he's so walk back on the land and don't stay on ghosted Thailand during a tsunami. It's not going to work out. There are several steps here. Yeah. So now we cut back to Mimi and Bruno in a car, Charlie, Charlie is the sidekick Australian British bad guy. And we just, we really need to hammer home the fact that Mimi is a heroin addict and needs her fix. Right. And Mimi's giving him the silent treatment because she wants her fix.

He's like, how you doing? And she's like, and he's like, don't do this. Don't do that. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi. Mimi that. Mame. Mame. Mame. Mame.

Mame. Mame. So this is what my phone looks like right now. So and during this, this car ride, evil rob Reiner calls Bruno's gun Charlie and explains his plan. It is so fucking convoluted. He's like, okay. so I said that cop from earlier to the place where you're going. So you let that cop kill Bruno and then you kill the cop.

And he's like, I mean, Bruno's in the seat behind me. Do you want me to just, I couldn't and we could have just killed him both at the office. Like moments, you know, we ran away to not do anything. What are you talking about? Don't question. I'm doing a whole plan. It's going to just do what I said. I'm saying Bruno's like, Hey, who was that? And he's like, Oh, he was Mr.

Deville. I'm betraying you. Sorry. What? I was a girl. Some lady. What girl were in Thailand and we just got here. I'm very you mean they have different names. Am I right? Played, what girl were in Thailand and we just got here.

Mary, you mean they have different names? Am I right? He's with me. Now you cranky because you girlfriend's Jenner. I can't. Just so you know, I fucking rock that. We're like a comedy duo. You give it on nokey. And then, and then we get Davy showing up on the beach, you know, on his speedboat. It just so happens, they have like, you know, whatever beach service to all the best resorts again, why is he showing up on a boat? I'm sure they have roads that go to this resort. Like it's so I wanted him to start doing like weird show ups and

everything. Like parachutes from the beach to the main building in the next scene and then takes like power wheels between rooms. He drills up from the floor to go to the bathroom. Now I have a question about this boat thing. I will admit I don't know anything about boats. I don't know anything about boats, but he very clearly runs that speedboat aground when he gets a like it gets a full six feet onto dry land. And I feel like if that's how you arrived to places, like, is there a deleted scene where that guy who was driving him is like, okay, can I get a push?

My boat's fucking in the middle of the parking lot now. Yeah, right, right. No, no, there is no peer here or anything. He just pulls up to the beach and gets off. And this, we get a glimpse into one of, I think David Aeroide's magical powers. He does not stop being damp in his life. So he jumps out of his boat into some water,

but he's equally wet for the rest. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much water gets on him. He stays the same wetness. Yeah, And I also noticed, okay. So when he pulls up there, the black guy that was about to kill himself is standing right there. Davies first question, he goes, are you an American? And I'm thinking of myself, that is an odd question to ask a random black man in Thailand, who you've just boated up to on a beat. But he is. There's no reason why he needs to know that anyway.

So he's like, you know, a bad guy's about to show up at your resort. Show me around or something. Yeah, pretty much. Give me a tour. But then immediately as they turn around like Bruno and Charlie show up on the other side and they just start a gunfight. No, I don't know much about the law in Thailand and I hear it's a little bit looser over there, but I don't think you're allowed to just start shooting people for standing there.

Which by the way, black guy just joins the gun fight. He's like, fuck, I knew I brought a gun for a reason today. Pa pa pa. Well, he doesn't use it though. He just holds up his gun like, oh, ever he's got a gun. I am so prepared for this shit. So stupid. And, and we get possibly the worst, like, awkward gun pull ever. Right. It's so bad. It looks like me trying to like open a condom

wrapper. And then we get a dive roll for no reason from Charlie, like Jay and silent Bob sneaking into the fucking lab. Yeah, exactly. Jump over a bike rack and yells parkour. No reason. He's incredible. There's an amazing moment to where he turns to the black guy and he goes, oh, by the way, we've hinted at this, but David or white shows for this movie to do the Batman voice. So he will deliver all of his lines as.

Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. So he turns to the black guy and he goes, we've got to get out of here. But he says it with the goddamn enthusiasm of a Peequads pizza chef. Did he just like casually stroll up the beach for this gun fight? Yeah.

And we get again, we've already done this once, but now we get another 11 minutes of David A.R. White walking around with a gun, you know, like turning around corners to see if there's anyone there going bang, bang, and then having it, having to have that removed in post or whatever. But finally, he comes across Bruno, who has a gun to the head of the couple that owns the resort, Charlie and Chris and Helen are the characters names. And they've conveniently lined their heads up so that he can do a dead pool, just in case David R. White doesn't go for it.

It's a two for one. Also, this is very, very important. When David R. White is sneaking, we get a close up of his shoes and his shoes have no laces. Now, I have no proof for this yet. But I would like to put forward a theory as we go through David's filmography. My theory is David or white can't tie shoes. Yeah. Got to grow up as Velcro sneakers.

I'm embarrassing. Those are for exercise. access. All right. So now they're free at pay less if you scream. Everything's pretty. Pay less. Pay less. Please take these garbage home with you. So now they've captured David A. R. White. He's given up his gun, you know, to save the innocent people. And they're tying them up in a room where almost the rest of this movie will take place. Okay. Just settle into this scene. It's pretty much all we've got left. You broke it into scenes with like somehow just arbitrarily deciding when it changes. But my notes were just the rest of the movie was one big paragraph.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. So yeah. And Bruno like introduces everybody all around. It's like, I know nobody's keeping track. So would everybody like to say their characters name, maybe short bio. I wrote my notes. Okay. Quick icebreaker. I'm Bruno the bear. Charlie the cat. Mimi the mouse. Oh, I messed it up. I messed it up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I should have gone with a CH for Charlie. Fuck. Yeah. And also they hint to you. They remind you that the black guy still has a gun. All right. Talked into his shirt or something. Typical.

Oh, that's your one. Cut that part. We're gonna cut that part And he passes it off to his wife, but it never comes back. Well, it does it does I'll point it out when it does, but it's a long time Yeah, you probably had stopped to masturbate several times taking a nap Rob the grocery store a bunch of stuff, probably you did.

So, and now, Oh, it's free now. And now we look out, Oh, yeah, the fucking, the patrons are going to have no idea what the fuck we're talking. You'll know at the end. I'm putting them at the end to now. You listen to them ads at the end, because if we put them in the middle, some of you are like,

Oh, I like the ads that you work super hard on you. And you let me, you're like, I didn't pay for ads. And it's like, okay, I get it. I get it. But you don't say that's why we should be very nice. So, so they're all standing around in this room and it's raining outside because there's a big storm. Remember, they were evacuating this, this resort. And they look out and Jesus is just apparitioning outside. So Bruno grabs the black guy. He's like, Hey, come here. Do you know who this guy is? Does he, does he work for you or something? He's like, oh, yeah, that's the, uh, that's the angel of death.

That's his line showed up before God murdered my son with a wave like seven years ago. Definitely. And, and Bruno could not be less affected. He's like, oh, angel of death. Cool. Charlie, go kick his ass. So yeah. So the drug dealer goes out and and kidnaps Jesus.

That's where we are. Yeah. And this film also one of my favorite moments in the scene is the backhanded punch slap. Oh, from Charlie, he Charlie the Bruno's sidekick guy just slaps nowhere near David A.R. White's face because he's angry. It's like, it's like he's slapping away a silver tray of food that's unacceptable. Like Eli slapping away tomato juice that came with ice. I've seen that a number of times. Yeah. And it was okay.

So try Jimmy Changa. Nice try TGI Friday's waitresses. I didn't order a bloody Mary. I ordered to Tmeino juice with no ice. Cool. It's not hard. You chill the glass. Take the glass, put it in that little thing under the bar for 10, 20, maybe 25 minutes

or so. Do you want your 12% tip? The whole thing. I don't want to get into it. So they go in and they kidnap Jesus. They bring him into the room where the rest of the movie takes place. And Jesus, the very first thing Jesus starts doing is flirting with the hero and check. Yeah, he sits on her feet.

Yeah. Like a goddamn stoner party where it's like someone's lying on the couch and you're like, oh, oh, oh, and it's awkward because you can see the actress be like, I am supposed to be like, in withdrawal. It got me. Goth. Yeah. And by the way, anytime Mimi has a line, just get ready for it because, yeah, that's that's

Eli's pre like the next eight. If you ever thought the breakfast at Tiffany's with two subtle, you will love Mimi's performance. So yeah, so they ask, you know, who this, you know, who are you, Angel of Death? And he says, I am that I am, except that it's this, he's got the nasally dorky voice. Like, there Jesus is going, I am that I am Michael Keen Batman. Yeah, right. I just quick recap here. They've captured the Lord Jesus Christ. That's the plot right now. That's what's happening.

And so he goes, he turns to the guy and he goes like, hey, do you work for Mr. Deville? And he goes, do I look like a drug dealer? So they think that there's a thing called looking like a drug dealer and he doesn't do it. I mean, yes, you look like a fucking drug dealer. You look like everybody I've ever bought mushrooms from. True. And a backstreet boy's concert. and drug dealer, you look like everybody I've ever bought mushrooms from. True. It's true.

At a backstreet boys concert. Just a grown up. Is your son here or daughter? Nah. Nah. Just love the music and plants. Lance. Yep.

And now Jesus starts cold reading the room. Yep. No. It's like, yeah, you got lots of friends, but you often feel lonely. Yep, and now Jesus starts cold reading the room. Yep, no. He's like, yeah, you got lots of friends, but you often feel lonely. A scar from childhood on your leg. Don't not, you don't, yes, no. Don't you?

Were you not thinking of a red card? And of course, this is also where we realized that Charlie can't go three minutes without murdering someone. He's like, constantly, every time there's a pause in the conversation, he's like, let me have a disguise across boss. Come on. It's absolutely fantastic.

And this causes him to cold channel Charlie and goes, Oh Charlie, your mother loved you so much. You did so great. But your friends called you sissy. So you became a murderer. Yeah, what like you do a murderer. Yeah, like, like you do. Weird motivation. We'll, we'll too pow. Who wants some molasses?

I love this line too. Because they don't even realize how pedantic this is right. Because, you know, like David A. R. White says, I saw that guy outside the jail when I was released. And he goes, and Jesus goes, you use the wrong verb tense, Rick. I am outside the jail right now. And I'm like, yes, we're all outside the fucking jail. You know what he meant. But that's apparently not what he meant.

What he meant is that I'm in all places at all times or something apostrophe are. E. I'm talking. I can't help. Jesus is such a dick. You know about the apostrophe, are you? Sorry. That's new. Also, he goes, they finally, they're like, all right, we ate the angel of death.

Who are you? He goes, I'm Jesus. Christ. Like, I totally want to do the James Bond thing. Christ. Jesus Christ. And Charlie's instant reaction is, oh, you're lucky my mom isn't here. She'd kill you way more than I want to kill you, which is a lot.

Is that and then Jesus is like, come on, man, you can't kill me. You're not even Jewish and it would break your mother's heart. And then of course, this is where Charlie's phone rings because Mr. Deville doesn't seem to realize that when you're with the person you're trying to murder surreptitiously, you don't keep calling and asking if the guy's, I will call you when he's murdered. We're just in the text or something. Right. But he answers and Bruno's like, oh, who is it? And Charlie goes without answering the phone.

He's like, it's wrong number. Yes, we're just gonna let that go. Okay, we're gonna let that go. Yeah, why not? Congratulations, your business has been select. Sorry, once I got to wait until these, let me push nine. Again, press one now.

If you wanna, just tell me what number I can push before I could take off the car. Sorry, bad. And of course, this is where Mimi would like to know everyone's backstory. Well, first she's like, Hey, can I get some fucking heroin? No, we're all heroin deliveries late. We did it on Grubhub. We can see it says your order is on the way. Yeah, and she's like fine. Everyone exposes just Right. Expos it. Does anyone have any trash talk about Buddha? All right. I've been waiting for this for a while. This movie finally starts trash talking Buddhism.

And keep in mind, they went to Thailand to film this anti-budasm propaganda. That's amazing. What a bunch of dicks. Yeah, we'll film in your fucking country Because yeah, so like Jesus turns it like the the the black ones like oh, I'm in so much pain cuz my son dies and Mimi goes Well, pain is just an illusion and Jesus goes only if you're a fucking Buddhist and they're full of shit I weigh better abs than that motherfucker. Yeah, and the concept she's professing here is the idea of like Buddha's idea of like suffering all being in the mind and the greatest suffering

being that of like being trapped in your own head, all of which like has certain levels of who to it, but Jesus or at least the writers of this movie think that Buddha was like Pain is not real. Yeah, right, right, right, like he was just like PTSD my ass guys just grubs some dirt in it Walk it off. That's that's what Jesus thinks Buddha was saying apparently. Yeah And and she you know and Bruno's like, hey man lay off first. She just she needs to go back to real Have him Jesus like well, maybe she just has the wrong religion.

Did you ever think of that? Yeah, pretty fucking bizarre. So then Bruno gets a call. And this is where Jesus does some more of his amazing cold reading stuff because he tells him who's calling. He's like, that's your dealer. He's gonna be late by about an hour and a half. What do you do?

That's how I'm using my miracle powers. Yes, I could levitate shit. It's not doing that. He also tells them not to worry about the storm, which has been the entire beginning of this movie, but I guess they just realized that none of that would have made sense for the rest of the movie. So it's like, Oh, that whole thing we set up. Forget about it. Remember when there was tension in this movie? Yeah. Not any more, though. It's going to just all be about us standing here talking We set up. Forget about it. Remember when there was tension in this movie. Yeah, not not anymore though. It's going to just all be about us standing here talking about our backstories from now on. And Mimi, I guess, is still like, I guess she's going for Jonesing,

but I can't tell if it's that or faking an orgasm or pretending to have the flu on the phone with your boss. Right. I mean, I mean, I don't know much about heroin addiction, but I don't think it's the sniffles. She keeps like lying down, putting her hand on her head. I don't think that's what Jonesing for heroin looks like, Mimi. So, well, and then of course, this is where Jesus asks for permission to tell Mimi's backstory, and I wanted her to, and she's like, yeah, okay, whatever.

And I wanted everybody else to go, oh, no, that would be way too personal. We wouldn't want to invade her privacy because that would be really fucking boring. So we get her story. She was born in a tiny little opium village. Her dad worked in the opium fields. Her mom worked in the opium factory. They had nothing to eat, but opium or dog's name was atropine anyway. And she was, there is one chemistry nerd.

Yeah, that's pronounced. So but she was given to like a, I guess a monastery or she grew up in a monastery so that we can talk shit about Buddhism. Yeah, and the producers of this movie clearly think that like, all of Asia is next to a pond covered in flower petals. That's how they think that works. It's like the outside of the restaurant. No, I get it.

It's been there. I've been there. So the restaurant. Yeah. Which leads us into what is supposed to be a love story, right? It's, it's told like a love story at no point does anyone go oh that's fucking horrible right. So Mimi's dad who works at the heroin factory heroin or us gets accused of stealing so they take Mimi and put her in a brothel one of the worst is sex literal sex slavery. It's what this movie describes. But then, and literally with the like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do but he sees me instead and buys her. Yep.

And again, yeah, the cinematography, the soundtrack, everything about this plays, the purchasing a sex slave younger than your granddaughter thing as a little romantic story right in the middle of this action movie. Yeah, you know, boy meets girl, girl blows him for the equivalent of $18. The old chestnut. Just like true romance.

So many great love stories begin with buying someone from a gangster. Well, and then Mimi starts going off about like what a great sex slave owner he is. You know, like, yeah, he beats me a lot less. Yeah. Anyway. And she says, she says, I was afraid I didn't know what he was going to do. He could have beat me. He could have ordered me because this is a Christian movie and we don't want the old

woman watching it to turn it off. Instead, he fed me. Yeah. Yeah, right. As though this movie is saying so like when you think about it, sex slaves like, let's not just paint with a broad brush here. Some of the owners are very sweet. Some of those relationships turn out great. It's just a flash cut inside the writer's room. Some guy in his 14 year old wife. Some of those relationships. And this

is all station. We're doing right in the movie. And this is also where we learn that the reason Mimi started doing heroin is because she never felt sophisticated around his friends. Yes, he wasn't comfortable enough around his friend. Look, my wife hates all of my friends except for Noah and he's never tried heroin to get out of it. Another car trick. Do you have any needles filled with poison? I have done that around your friends.

I have a couple of times, yeah. But yeah, and Bruno, by the way, at this point, this character points out that like, hey, you know what, maybe romanticizing heroin addiction wasn't the way to go here, Jesus. The fuck are you doing, man? And Jesus is like, no, no, we're going with the like, if she had gotten the, it's not your fault speech. She never would have been addicted to drugs. And he's like, oh, okay, cool. Well, we just had to say that contractually. Our lawyer really freaked out. Because it really did seem like you

were saying that heroin made you more sophisticated. You even tell people that snorting it isn't as bad as shooting. I'd just say it doesn't seem like odd details that you were given there, Jesus. It does, though. Yeah, he's right. He's right. He's right for my. And now Jesus switches over to Rick's backstory, that's David A.R. White's character, which I watched the credits, by the way, it's R.I.C. because he's so fucking cool. And apparently

Rick used to have a twin sister, but she died of the dying death. And that's why he's so angry at stuff. Yeah. She died of a heroin overdose. Well, we'll learn that later. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need a backstory to be a cop who hates heroin dealers. That's a setting up here. You don't need to do that. You know they were in the writer's room and he was like, yeah, but why does Rick want

to stop heroin dealers so much? And someone's like dead sister and he was like fantastic. He'll say a heroin good. Good. Also, I love Charlie. Here goes, he had a chick to in. Oh, I guess the parents forgot which one to put the dress on because I guess that's an insult or whatever. And I only bring this up because it leads to Davies. I want to kill you face, which is less intimidating

than my bat password is to correct face. It is so fucking hilarious to watch him do the whole, I'm a bad ass thing. I could do it for hours. Which is good because they give it to me for hours. And Jesus is response to this like moment of tension as he goes, Rick, I know you have a very different idea of justice than I do, but you don't even know what the word justice means. And I wanted so badly for Rick's character actually not to know what the word just means. And I wanted to soul badly for Rick's character actually not to know what the word just means. Yeah, it's like telomeres. It's a thing that goes into your body.

Let's say it at the same time. Three, two, one. You didn't say anything. You didn't say anything. I'm that man. Man. Yeah. And also, this is like, this is Jesus's idea to cut the tension or whatever. Cause, okay, so David A. R. White is tied up in the room.

Charlie is dying to kill him. And Jesus turns to Charlie and says, man, this defenseless dude you have tied up really wants to kill you so bad. Like, yeah, we know. Why do you have to, why would you anyway? And of course, Chris, the, the black guy's like, hey, hey, we haven't talked about my back story since like the first scene, people. Yeah.

Uh, and so basically, the, the way they transition out of that, he's like, hey, well, what about me? What about the fact that you killed my kid and he goes, well, I mean, you hate your wife. And he turns there and he goes, that's why he despises you. And I wrote, well, that's some strong language that we're never gonna deal with. And he timed in this movie.

He goes, he thinks that you traded true pain and mourning for self comforting, religious fantasy. And I wrote, yeah, that's a pretty good diagnosis. No, that's a pretty, right. We also are learning interesting apologetic here. This is the atheism can't be right because you can't yell at it, defense. So he's going like, he's like, you know, you tried to cure your pain of your dead son through atheism, but there's no one to be angry at.

And I'm like, yeah, because anger is super helpful when someone dies. That gets you right through. If there was no God, then who was it that you were angry at at the first place? Checkmate. Did you just whisper checkmate? No, no, no. Checkmate. You guys want some molasses? And this is where we learned that Chris is just as equally a sinner as everybody else, because he sold subprime mortgages to make his fortune. Right. Which makes him equivalent to the heroin dealer who bought

the 17 year old and his hitman. Single A tranches. And he clarifies that by the way because the Chris is like, well, you're not comparing me to the heroin kingpin, right? And he's like, oh, no, very much so. Very, very, exactly what I've been worse. I've been nicer to him because he's white. By the way, there's just one thing before he like, let him go for the whole subprime work. Just think he does the whole like, it's easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get in heaven. And to say that in a shot that features David R. White, maximally ironic. Just wanted to throw that out there. How many times do you think David screamed shoot up before they were like, David, again, it's just the movie, bud.

Yeah. Always the movies. Nobody's pointing out how much you look like a camel again. Yeah. Someone bring my gold teeth. Well, and then of course, now that he's equated the, the, the sub pride mortgage lender with the heroin kingpin that buys children from brothels, he, he turns to David A. R. Wait and he's like, you're pretty much just as bad as these guys too, huh? You deserve to go to hell as well. And the reason that he's just as bad as the like scammer and the

heroin overlord is because he doesn't believe in Jesus. Yes. Yeah. And and Jesus actually says this is this is the exact line. He goes, sadly, if he doesn't repent, I'll be forced to judge him by that decision of his, but don't think I take pleasure in that. In other words, don't make me hit you again. And this is where he's like, tries to make this about David or white. It's like hatred.

So he goes, do you know how my sister died? And I wanted so badly for him to be like, yeah, she's choked on a sloppy Joe. What do you think? That's what I'm talking about. So all things been leading up to it. We even get like a flashback to the sister like dead on a bed, just like some random girl lying on a bed. Like, oh, you see?

Harrowing. Yeah, exactly. And then Jesus says, and this is so awesome, I'm gonna start using it. He says, behold me. I stand at the door of your heart and I knock. Behold me. That's how I'm gonna start coming on stage and shit now.

Wait, is the gentleman behold me? Behold me. So we're gonna come on stage at reason, come. Some people be held way too much of me in Chicago. Thanks for blurring those pictures, Jen. Yeah, no kidding. No kidding. Made them legal. Didn't she? So and then of course, again, we have to be reminded that Jesus has the mystical powers of caller ID. And you know, he's because Bruno's phone rings and he goes, yeah, that's your supplier again. And I wanted Bruno to go like, yeah, no, that's how it rings when

dominant calls, dude, I have a different ring when my mom calls. Anyway, yeah, but the heroin apparently has taken longer than a peak wad's pizza. So Mimi is pissed anew. Right. And she's just like at first, she's like super upset and throwing like a heroin tantrum, but then she's fainting from heroin addiction. Like there's no weird symptom. They won't give her that's supposed to be heroin with which I want her to cough up needles just like. No, I've got to swallow that. Oh, oh, She was French. So yeah, so and then and of course Bruno this whole time apparently has had some heroin on him. Yeah, okay. I don't think like top level heroin dealers have like little time bags in their sock of heroin. This is not standard And at this point, I thought Jesus was gonna like turn water

into methadone or something. It would have been helpful. Not what he did. But he stops. He's about to give her the heroin. And Jesus says, don't do that. And then he takes the bag of heroin and shakes it in front of the fucking addict who is freaking out

for lack of heroin. And she's like, he's like, bet you would like this, huh? But you shouldn't have it. Like, dude, you deserve a kick in the nuts now. Mimi, I know what you really want. And I wrote my notes. Yeah, I want some fucking heroin. Yes, but don't you, dude, nobody has ever sucked a dick for Jesus.

Okay. No one rubs a liquor store and murders their friend with a pipe for Jesus. Okay. No one rubs a liquor store and murders their friend with a pipe for Jesus. Yes. Well, but in this universe, apparently, Jesus can cure your heroin addiction with raky because that's the next fucking thing that happens. Yup.

He uses his magic hand waving and she is no longer addicted to heroin. And they even have the do do do do do do do do do do. Kind of a sound effect when he does it. He goes, your body is healed and I wanted him so badly to go including your poo and let me tell you that was some work. I mean, shit, I am God and that was missed. Mimi Mimi. Look at me. Rough.

Rough Mimi. And he goes, I love this. Anyways, you're welcome. Cause we've got a, we've got a shit talk Buddha a little bit more, right? Cause he goes like your body is healed, but not your soul, but unlike those shitty eating Buddhists, I won't make you suffer through a thousand lifetimes to reach enlightenment. I'll tack it on like a handy carry-in case if you just hate fags. She's like, oh, really? That would be great.

And of course, he goes, like, he's like, hey, have you ever heard about that bit where I, where I died on the cross? I was, I was pretty awesome, huh? I'll say. Yeah, he goes, Mimi, do you know what I did on that cross? And I wanted it to be like, you know, jerked off and he said, no, no, no, I said, dirty rumor. He's a wrong. This is not at all true. I didn't. And also, okay. So we had one of these impossible to jack off scenes to a couple of weeks ago. We have another one here and impossible.

I think so. Okay. And despite the fact, this is the most attractive woman that's ever been in an impossible to jack off to scene. But if you can maintain an erection through Bruce Marciano saying today, you are my precious, precious daughter, you need to see a fucking doctor. Oh, see, I said in my notes, she's pretty used to people asking her to pretend to be their daughter. I feel like she would have been really comfortable for this. At least if I visited her, she would be. And apparently the daughter experience,

lovely. Oh, it's just me at Heathen right. I saw how many people laughed at my Corey Chase joke. We know our audience. And apparently this movie is just as bored with itself as I am. This is so weird because the, the, the, the, Mimi, she runs up to Bruno and she says, it's great. He cured me of my heroin addiction. And Bruno's like, yeah, that's great, kid. Can you go get me some coffee or sandwiches or something? Literally.

They send all the women in the movie off to go get sandwiches. Yep. And I and coffee. What? I don't think it was unreasonable. Those two things make sense. Coffee and sandwiches. And he turns to where he's like, Hey, you might get in a some food.

I know I threatened to shoot you in the head like 10 minutes ago, but a little sneaky snack. We're doing kind of doing a thing now together. So yeah, and since that's just close to a thing happening as we're going to get in this movie, we'll use that opportunity to take a break of our own. But before we do, let me give act three, the hard sell here. Will we ever acknowledge the guy who purchased a woman is by definition bad? Will we get to see David A.R. White pretending to punch some more? Will somebody give Charlie something to kill already? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the lingering conclusion of the encounter to Paradise lost

Rick, I know you love the word justice, but you have no idea what it means. Oh, I know what it means dirt bags like this have all the money in the world for lawyers and juries. No, Rick. I mean, you literally don't know what that word means. What? Of course I do. Don't do this, Rick. You'll just embarrass yourself. Shoot him. Charlie for the 18th time, man. Sorry, sorry. Rick, I'm here to tell you that hard to tear. What? That's what the word justice means. Hard to dare. Hard to. No. Do you think that because of, uh, because of the jeans?

No, no, no. Oh, I just remembered it means superheroes, multiple group of superheroes. No, no, Rick, that's the justice league. Just please, just stop. This is getting a bit of a pop singer. You know what, fuck it. You can shoot him, Charlie. I'm just going to go work on this Thai hooker a little more. Yeah. When your skin turns yellow. And we're back for yet more of this boundless banality. And

when we last left our heroes, Bruno was, uh, who would be? I don't even know. We last started on many tagging. Yeah. Yeah. When we last left our taggingists, Bruno had sent all the ladies off to do ladywork so they could have some man talk about Mimi's sudden heroine addiction cure. He basically sits down and he's like, Hey, look, thanks for the little who-be-do-be

cure in my wife's heroin addiction thing. But I wish you know, I'm not convinced. Yeah. Normally I would shoot you for this. All right, Crescan, you're looking at bullshit. My junkie wife calm down or I'd shoot you. Jesus is like, or would you? He's like, I would would, would you? Yes. You know any man that messes with my wife's mind dies. And I want it to be like, I killed four magicians. Four. I don't know what that bird was. We need butts.

I also love, because again, they're treating this like a romantic little thing, right? So they're like, they're like, you remember when you and Mimi used to take walks on the beach together, we get a little walking on the beach thing, you know, Jesus chastises them for not being Christian enough to savor soul or whatever. And it goes, look, Bruno, I know you're sorry about the heroin hole, the kingpin thing, but you have to be magic sorry. That's it.

That is truly it. He's like, what do you mean? He's like, you know, just like, I'm so sorry. You can't ask the people you hurt to forgive you. You've got to ask me. Yeah, right. It's right. Yeah.

And then Bruno is like, but Jesus, I'm getting out of the game. And he's like, yeah, well, this subprime mortgage asshole did that. You still as bad as him. Right. And Chris keeps going like again, again, I feel like this comparison isn't mortgage broker, heroin kingpin equal, equal. Yeah. And also because he's like, you know, yeah, man, it was a bad thing.

And that's why I like stopped doing that job and doing it because I realized it was a bad thing. And he's like, yes, but who told you it was a bad thing, Chris. And he's like, nobody, I just, I just knew. And he's like, nope, we can't have that. Our whole religion kind of falls part with that. So, uh, no, you see, you walked away. Wait, I got it. You walked away because that isn't that Oh, part of it Wait to be in bad is being bad and then stopping is like the extra bad It's the worst thing to do is to stop Bad what

But but then the argument goes further. Jesus actually says he's like, your dead son's faith was too much for you. That's why you did it. And you realized that your God of atheism wasn't real. And that's why you walked away from your business. Yeah. And in the middle of all that, he takes a very anti moral action stance, right? Like he just goes like, oh, you did the moral thing.

Did you well believe for you, you little pussy? That's not gonna be enough. And Chris, of course, is all like, am I being detained? All right, then, Miley here. This interview is over. I want to pull this mic off.

Yeah, right. So then we finally get the fuck out of that room for a minute. So we can head off to the kitchen to check on those sandwiches and subtly remind you that the black girl still has a gun. Right because she's cutting the sandwiches with it. Right spreading butter on the fucking yeah like boy, do I not have a gun now where is that roast beef? Yeah, really weird conversation with Mimi. She's like, are we in danger? Asian smack or she's like, yeah, you and your husband and the Lord Jesus Christ should be fine, but I am worried about the cops. So that's what's happening here. Yeah. And of course, she's bitching at her.

The Mimi is now bitching at her for not being Christian because Mimi has been Christian for minutes on end now. And the the wife goes like, well, I tried to be a Christian, and then my son dies. Where do you go when the worst thing happens? And I just wrote, zales. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Exactly, exactly. You get it.

Um, but I have a note about that line. Maybe look, it's not a contest. It's not a contest. And when your kid dies, that's terrible. But maybe don't tell the sex slaves about like how hard it is to be you. You know, I'm not saying it's a contest, but I'm just saying like if we compared, if it's a scare, I just, I'm just saying you're fine. You didn't just need miracle cures for your heroin addiction slash pun. Yes.

Yeah, but the important thing we learn here is that she can't love a god who killed her son with a tsunami. Strikes me as reasonable, but not, I guess it's not. Yeah. So now we go back to the room where this movie is, but now there's sandwiches and I and coffee and coffee and that's actually important because the wife, Helen walks up to David A.R. White and she has a cup of coffee in her hand and she says to Bruno, can I untie him and give him something to eat? You know, he's some coffee. Well, I could have been a cup of sandwich. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. Guys, check out Heath's new business. He's on an episode of Shark Tank coming out. They were not kind to him.

So as much support as you can give, we'd really appreciate it. Also, this is where we learned that somehow, while tied up to the chair, David A. R. White has come across the switchblade, did he have that buried in his skin? I don't know, but he has stabbed himself in the spine with it. I'm never expect this. I'm sorry, what happened? Nothing. It's my time. You wait for a lead out. So yeah, so we cut the, yeah, he has a knife in his hand.

And he's just now thought, this knife in my hand would be great for sewing through these ropes. So he starts to, starts to cut his way out of the ropes. This will take him approximately 35 minutes. And we cannot emphasize how large and obvious this knife is. The fucking crocodile. Yeah. That's nice. But while he is doing that, we have to go back to like Jesus giving Bruno some life advice

or whatever about how he should turn himself into the police. Right. And Bruno's response instead of like, no, I don't want to go to prison for the rest of my life or no I'm just gonna live my life and not doing things anymore. It's like that's not fair to which Jesus response Oh, yeah, was it fair that I had to schlep all the way down from heaven and see your sins? So you ever been crucified Bruno. I don't want to hear about your petty bullshit Getting raped in the butt occasionally. It's nothing. It's nothing.

Also, also, and I'm surprised we didn't bring this up in the last one, but Jesus be Jewish. Yeah, but then that whole sandwich scene would have taken an hour and a half. That's like, oh, baloney, huh? You don't, I'm so sorry, I don't to be that guy, but I did not ask for mail You just know I actually I don't want you to scrape it off because then there's still a On the bread that just lets me out So what I need is and this is whole grain bread anyways Asked for seven nut

Something like it I mean seven nut and whole grain they're not similar I'm lactose intolerant. So. So now Mimi is talking, they're trying to talk Bruno and to listen into Jesus and turning himself in. And it's like, you know, okay, step back for a second. What you have here is a is an owned sex slave asking her 90 year old husband to maybe go to jail. Well, she's got the money, you know, and she's like, do you have maybe an ulterior motive? What? No, you're crazy. No, I'm not. He cure man. They're gonna ditch him. I did not take that bag back from him and snorted in the other room. Also, okay. Then we got one of these incredibly bizarre, like why the fuck did you put this in your own movie moments where Jesus is talking to the black couple, Helen and Chris.

And he's like, you know, one thing that I hate about people is the way they get all bitchy when I murder their kids. You guys are so fucking whiny. You should that should draw youy when I murder their kids. You guys are so fucking whiny. You should, that should draw you together when I kill your children. Yeah. And Chris's response is perfect. He goes, Hey, if you don't like it when we react badly, maybe stop killing people's kids.

And Jesus is like, oh, so tired of hearing this. He says that to me constantly. So killing people's kids, if you don't like the reaction Wanted man again, we keep having to change your name But but Jesus's reaction is to put a hand on his like a there-there hand on his shoulder And Chris leaps up as though he'd grabbed them by the sack And then he like tattels on and he's like oh well if you don't want a shoulder pat Uh And then he like tattles on and he's like, oh, well, if you don't want a shoulder pat, just so you know, he was going to totally wait for the storm to hit, walk into the waves,

shoot himself while taking poison over lava with a new surrounding. Mark. And yeah, right. And the wife is like, how dare you be suicidal at me? You're missing the point lady. You're not the one who's supposed to get pissed here. But she runs off and Mimi chases her because, you know, they're both ladies. Right. And Chris turns to Jesus. She's like, I didn't want to hurt her. And Jesus says, I know, and Chris

says, well, what a fuck did you tell her then asshole? Because I hadn't hurt her. Dick. Anyway, so now we cut off the hell and off crying somewhere. And this is where I realized that Mimi's line again, I watch this with check subtitles. Mimi's speaking her lines and me reading the check subtitles equally understandable. Yeah, she comes and she goes, you okay? And she's like, no, did you miss the like husband going to kill himself part? And she's like, yeah, my English isn't great. And I'm picking up every other sentence to it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Also, just they storm out of the hostage area. Ha, ha, ha, ha. This is not a very tight hostage situation. We don't need to get a shit together. You're not allowed to just let people storm out. Or anything out.

Completely off the rail for sports. Or anything. Anything is completely off. I'm really all for sports. So, okay, so now we go back into the room. Look, I guess she gets over her suicide husband pretty quick. So they go back in there and Chris has given Jesus some shit. He's like, hey man, you know, like you're kind of dancing around this. But why did you kill my kid to his Jesus is like, I feel like you're overlooking the, um, the apple thing. Did you read about it? Because we wrote about that in the book, the apple. Remember?

And this is where we're going to get the free will argument. Now again, they could have their son killed in any number of ways, but we're now going to argue that free will create tsunamis. Shunamis sprung from the evil heart of man. Yup. And they they they triple down on this. Yes. When when man fell, the world fell with him thus tornadoes. Yeah. People choose to be killed by tsunamis.

And David A.R. White is said to Jesus, he's like, hey, you know, if you're on Nippin' it, why do you just watch people get raped? And even like, and again, you didn't have to bring this up, it's your movie. He goes like, if I saw someone get raped, I'd stop them. If I didn't, I'd be evil as fuck. And Jesus is like, I cry when it happens. Like a lot though. Like a lot like a billion raped years. I cried. That is what he's, his actual response is I cry a million tears. Yeah. It's like, that's not, is it? I want to David our white to be like, look, if I walk by an ally where

someone was getting raped and I was like, I'm going to David our white to be like, look, if I walk by an ally where someone was getting raped and I was like, I'm going to cry a million tears about this, you'd still think I was right. Right? That doesn't change the morality. No, like so many tears. I think you're underestimating how many a billion is. I don't think you're really thinking about the exponential growth here. That's a lot. I get really dehydrated and the crucifix thing. And pre-paid for a lot of race. That's the math. Oh,

who this gonna pinch you? I'm gonna pinch you. Imagine that a thousand times. But for like a day, a couple hours anyway. Yeah. And of course, and apparently Chris is not yet satisfied with the your your son chose to die of a tsunami with his free will. So he goes like, I don't get it though, Jesus. How did my son's death benefit your kingdom? He says by bringing you into it.

He says, so you killed my son to get my attention. And Jesus says, it sounds really bad when you say it. Well, you put it that way, yeah, but like it wasn't, I mean, I guess I could have just like made you really happy. Oh, fuck. I should have been happy. And then I'm gonna see you. To be fair, you didn't bring that up until just now. So. And, and they show us a little like flashback of this Jesus moment. It's so stupid. So quick recap. This is having Tim, the son who died in the tsunami.

He was worried that his dad was an atheist and the flashback shows like Jesus standing behind him and smiling like an idiot at this point and being like, I know what to do. So the plan, the plan from Jesus was to kill him with the tsunami But also like 230,000 other people so that Chris his dad could eventually become Christian. Yeah, that's the plan Yep, right. That's it. And also by the way in check Timothy is to Motujum So so and based on that based on that So and based on that based on that Chris now accepts Jesus too and this is when meaning and his wife walk it and they're so happy to see him accepting Christ Yeah, and she says she's like oh my God. He's like I'm so sorry. I was suicidal and she's like no you have to forget me He's like you forgive me first no you hang up

So yeah, yeah the cure for drug addiction and suicidal depression is Jesus seems like the psychiatrists are totally waste, huh? And this is where Jesus is like, oh, well, by the way, I mean, I could totally bring back to the if I feel like it. And he's like, oh, so you can bring back my son. So, so do that. Yeah. No, no, no, he's on a great time. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's in heaven. He's like, no, I want that. I want that. Just do it for one second. Yeah, five minutes, five minutes. Like, uh, oh, I bring a perfect copy back. Let him stay there, but bring me a copy because I missed my son. But then there'd be two. I'm nip it. I'm, I'm the, yeah, when you say I'm the, I guess. I'm gonna do it right now.

Poof smoke bomb. And you know, I didn't disappear. Like Batman or something. And of course, Helen thanks Jesus for saving Christus all. And he's like, it's so nice to hear you call me Lord again. But how about daddy? How about we try daddy? Maybe master too far.

It's a race thing. All right. Fine. Fine. I get it. I get it. I'm cool. Tries to go for the fist bump. Oh, that's terrorists. That's Muslim terrorists. I forget. I'm so sorry.

So sorry. Yeah. And then he turns to the two of them. And he goes, I have so much in store for you both. I'm like, something's going into somebody's ass. So great. He does the super creepy rapes mile, right? When he says it to, uh, something's going into somebody's ass. So he does the super creepy rape smile, right? When he says it too, yeah, let's get this porno started. Yeah, right. Or, yeah, he likes it.

I thought it was gross. And then, and then Charlie gets pissed because they haven't dug enough into his backstory. So we start talking about Charlie's backstory. Charlie, by the way, killed him a bar when he was only three. He says, all you need to know about my life is the first person I ever killed. And Jesus is like, yes, you were 15 years old at the time. He's like, yeah, pretty bad ass.

And do you remember what he said? He said, please, God don't kill me. He thought I was God. And Jesus has to be like, no, no, no, it's just it. Please God is a is just like a, it goes, please God, comma. Please God is just like a, oh, no. And then don't kill me was the party was talking. Oh, you fucking kiddie is calling me good. I mean, I can get him. I'll bring him back and have him tell you that guy didn't make it to heaven. So it's not

it's not a big deal for me to yeah. So and and now okay. So Charlie again, the whole plan here was for David A. R. White to shoot Bruno and then Charlie to shoot David A. R. White. So now Charlie's realizing man, this is stupid. I'm waiting for a guy who's tied up to shoot someone and I have a gun. Satan's an idiot. This whole plan is fucking I was stupid. I should have used that right step before. So now Charlie like pulls out his gun and makes the shoot Bruno, but Mimi steps in between him and the gun. And of course, David is still furiously imponently sawing at his ropes. Also, why isn't Jesus stepping in? Like this whole gun battle back and forth,

people standing in front of each other, the immortal guy never goes like, no, me. Jesus very clearly. No, no, that thing with the wrist stung. You guys figure this out. Yeah, because Bruno has decided at this point, he's like, you know, no, you know, I think I'm a listen to Jesus and turn myself in and spend my last 15 years getting butt raped in her prison and and and and try to like, I don't think that's a good idea boss. And he's like, I don't think our Lord would lead us astray. So yeah, that's when he pulls the gun on him. And of course, right then, this is when Rick finally breaks out of his rope and he's about

to jump up and kick some ass, but Jesus stops him first. Yeah. Okay. Jesus stops time like Zach fucking Morris. Here's the thing though. At that moment, they show a shot of David A. R. White. He finally gets his hands free and he has a gun in his hand, all of a sudden. I don't know where. And we're going to find out in a second. It makes even less sense in the next. Yeah, because he's not going to have it a few seconds later. Yeah, but before he can jump up and kick ass or whatever, you know, Jesus has to have this, is this really what you want, kind of a moment with him or whatever? He's like, you know, your dead sisters in heaven, though, do you want to go to hell and miss out on all the dead sister? Yeah, like, oh, I thought

we're going to do the good guy thing. And he's like, yeah, I'm a cop who's gonna kill the guy with the gun who's a heroin dealer who's sticking us up. No, that's the bad thing. Okay, no, no, no, no. I want you to let him murder the drug dealer because the, and then maybe you, I'm not. I'm not. You don't like cops.

This is what my characters communicate. I do. No. And then he goes like, and Jesus has this line here, which apparently somebody thought was important enough to put on the IMDB quote, he goes, you know, Rick hatred kills more people every year than heroin. And I wanted to be like, hell, I took out 15 times the annual heroin death rate with that one tsunami.

I mean, it's not really that big a deal. You know, coastal warning system would be a better use of your time. As someone addicted to hatred, I found that a very offensive line. And that's what makes is living, dealing hatred. If we were the heroin atheist, that would be a very upsetting. Right. No, exactly. And okay.

So now David Ayerwhite. White, who like, he said, had a gun in his hand just moments ago, doesn't. So now he just forgot. Yeah, they forgot clearly showed it with the gun in the shot. So now he dives for it. Because when Chris passed the gun off to hell, when she put it behind a pillow, apparently, it looked like she was shoving up her ass. We didn't mention that. I weren't they just using that guy earlier. Just you had a gun this whole time. Shoot the guys who were hostage takers. Nothing. No. Well, they had to wait for him to saw through his ropes. I guess so he dive roles for the gun in the, you know, fucking park Christian movie parkour fashion that he moves. And he immediately like jumps up with the gun and shoots

a Charlie, but hits Bruno and he's like, fuck, I should, there was a guy in between. I should check for that next time. Like 50 doves fly up out of somewhere. Right. And Bruno dies and we get like this. Again, tender goodbye between Bangkok hooker and the man who bought her. Which I was supposed to be feeling at this point in the movie is sad. I guess. Right. I don't know. So yeah, and also there was this amazing shot.

Took me a second to figure out what's going on here, but there's this amazing shot where we are looking at the room from the perspective of Bruno's soul rising to heaven from his body. I was hoping there'd be like one of those cute cards you're talking about. No, no. No. But yeah, so he gives his, his, I'm really going to miss you, Mimi, monologue or whatever. And Charlie runs off. So so David, David A.R.

White has to has to go chase him. And these actors could not more obviously try to unnaturally get into this pool, because David are white like side tackles him into the pool and they roll around a little bit. And then they both stand up and they're like, okay, fighting the pool. Yeah, fighting the pool. But not a let's be sure. A pool like three inches of water. It's the least dramatic pool you could possibly fight in. Also, like this character Charlie has been shot from what we can see in the kidney.

He's got a big red splatger on his kidney and he's that's given him a bit of a limp. You know, he's still running a pretty good clip, but he's limping a bit. Right. And they're fighting. By the way, like water slows down your movement. They should be like, ugh, ugh, god of Robics, right?

Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. But instead they do the worlds, you know, it's almost slow motion, but without slow motion. It's very clear, like, ugh, and then I kick you. Oh, elbow. It's so good. Yeah, it's some of that turn based punching. Yes, fighting. It might as well roll dice between the school and like, all right. Now I swing my broad sword for eight hits. Oh, it's so stupid. And also, David A. R. White throws a punch like Byron left which throws a fucking football. He's got to reach back behind him and get his punch.

It's fucking amazing. You know, it's an erasus when you make up weird names like they have normal names and like that's Byron is a pretty normal name. Yeah, left which left which a human is named left which and you were like, Byron is what you're making fun. Well, you know, we all share the same surnames, basically, I just want to throw that out. Left which.

And a cup. That's my other name. Mostly molasses. You don't want to know where that stuff comes from. Nope. So yeah, so we get to watch David and White getting punched for a really long time, which almost made the whole movie worth it. Really watching this amazingly clumsy fucking fight scene almost made the rest of the movie worth it.

But eventually they're done fighting. And just done. No one's not knocked out. fighting and just done. No one's knocked out. They're just on and this is great because whoever made this movie very clearly wants us to see like, oh, they're different, but they're the same. So it pulls out and we see them in similar positions, but it shots so badly that it's impossible to tell that that's what they're trying for unless you've seen good filmmakers do it. Right. It felt like one of those like middle school fights where like it kind of ends

and nobody knows whether they even want to keep fighting. I really thought the gym teacher was going to show up by now. You want to keep going or crying? I have a stitch. So are we still fighting or no? Yes. No. No. Yeah. So yeah, because I mean, well, again, when they do this fade away, like Charlie's just over there catching his breath. He's not unconscious. He's not handcuffed. Nothing. So yeah. But he's drowning in three inches of water. Yeah. Like a baby. Yes. I get swim. Stand up then. Um, wait, like a baby. Yeah. Babies can drown in. And what a little life experience you bit never mind. Yeah. Babies can drown in very little water. You put your kid in the bath. You come back dead. There's everyone can treat drown in the equally shallow.

Oh, no, it's much more common for babies to drown. equally. Oh my God. No, it's much more common for babies to drown. Yes, it's definitely more common when you're drowning something for it to have been a baby. Not drowning, not actively. I'm not talking about how to, I'm talking about accident. Drowning in order, it's babies. It'll be bull that's normal. No, Jesus Christ.

He's going to be a dad one. Not for long. Yeah. But, um, so now I got for the short first. Now, this is what I was talking about about the babies. Guys, check it out. Look, look. Um, yes. So, uh, so now we got, God, Jesus. I can't get out now. Um, so now the stories over, I guess. So we cut the David A. R. White sitting on a beach. And apparently, before he sat on the beach, he, he made himself a little sand chair to sit on. I don't know. Those are nice. So Tony Shah's comic sidekick shows up. This is his boss from earlier.

And he's like, yeah, you know, you shot at people in Thailand after I told you not to, but you know, yeah, crazy. You're old. It's okay. It's okay. You're back on a job, man. You're back on the job. You want to help us take down all of his contacts that are all over the world? Yeah, that's what the DEA does. Have an unlimited travel budget. And now we have the clumsiest ending ever. Oh, God. This is so amazing. The devil, Mr. Deville appears and is like, ha, this looks like I win this one. And then behind him appears Jesus. And Jesus is like for now, but I'll eventually win. And then there's like a weird flash shot of both of them.

And then the movie. Yes. Well, right, he goes, he goes, Jesus goes, it's not over yet, Mr. Deville. We're going to do it like a TV series, I think, or maybe a third, maybe with third, no TV series. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, there's a lot of weirdly spaced standing in this movie. It's like Ferris Bueller at the museum. Yeah. And I really wanted this to just keep going. So like, he zoom out

and like, Muhammad is behind Jesus, now giving a speech and then Buddha's behind to heaven. Then Buddha's mom scolding Buddha. Yeah. No, it just ends. Yeah, and then yeah, then we get the credits. And I just, I love that the legal disclaimers forced them to call Jesus a fictional character not based upon any person living or dead. You know, so like the last sion can't show up with her lawyer or whatever. And so I'm just like, oh, I stayed didn't really get anything from me to movie about my son. All right. So and yes, that's it. That's it. If you're wondering, well, was nothing resolved. I feel like nothing was resolved. You are correct. Very good. So, but before we finish

this up, I had to share this eight star review from IMDB with you because a eight stars. Yeah, out of 10. Yeah, we need to be reminded sometimes. That's such a funny. Right. Right. Yeah. I'm not sure. I like it. Yeah. What? Well, you know, what, 11 out of 19 people found this helpful. Who am I to ignore the opinion of the majority? I'm not the president. Okay. So here it is. And I quote I Just watched paradise lost and I admit I cried a few times I wonder where I liked it just as much as the first maybe even a bit more The conclusion was a lot better than the first I know that the characters were different from the norm of what you'd expect to see in an American cafe

But each character represented the experience of multitudes of people around the world. Blah, blah, blah. Good to see David A.R. White playing the role of the police officer in Thailand. I shit you not. This is actually written in there. That Jason Statham S.C. scene was well coordinated by the way. I guarantee you David A white wrote this god damn review that scene was

they mean the fight scene I know my heart I know they mean the fight scene but I want to know what this person thinks about other things in the world I want to know so I want to read tale of two cities and give me his. I just want to know like I want a captured audio of every time that guy has used the suffix ask. Yeah. I also want to remake this movie with Jason Statham and like this red robins ask. All right.

Well, since this movie is clearly allowed to exploit tragedies for no reason, but that exploitation, I suppose we can do the same. So to some things up, I ask you this, if this movie was a natural disaster, what natural disaster would it be? Oh, a pulse massacre. I think that was natural because it was inspired by God and And Steve Anderson enjoyed it. Yeah. No, it's just like a tsunami. It's all about free will. Exactly. Jade Hell. I was going to go with Hurricane Katrina, because even though it's a disaster, it's also pretty racist, but now I'm going to show you your baby drowning in a tub. You get to keep the toys. Oh, God. Right? You do get to keep the toys. Oh God. Right? You do get to keep the toys. Like they don't make you.

No, I don't think they do. I don't think they do. What? They make the toys? I've never had to give back the toys. No, I feel like they should take the toys. No, you said it. I feel like if you drown your baby in a tub, we got some bad moms to listen to this

show. If you lost your baby. Let us know if you've still got the toys and how much you want for him. Yeah, and well that Toys of patron No, because nobody's gonna hear that not even the pictures I keep saying that and then leaving it in the show, you know, so I'm totally fucking myself here And well, that's gonna do it for our review of the encounter to paradise lost That's not gonna do it for the episode yet, because we still need to make your

heart flutter for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Oh, well, I'm going out of town. And that means wicked vultures, too, which is the fourth movie in the vultures of horror, just because the numbering is weird. So yeah, if you're newer to the show and you're, yeah, whatever. And you're worried about getting lost. Be sure to check out episodes 37, 51 and 61 to get all caught up or don't because nothing really happened in the first three of these movies. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But hopefully finally, we're going to get Cornell West in the floating chairs. We've been teased with that for a long time now. We really have. And we're still making you and I do the show.

Yeah, no, Eli will still be here. We just got it. Yeah, no, we've just got to record a little early. So in case anybody gets suicidal now that Trump's, you know what I'm not even going to say it. So with that to look forward, during episode 75, do a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation

at patreon.com slash God awful and thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheists and the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies

at gmail.com. The theme song for this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slott, like a Viva LaTrap son, Marson was used with permission. If you like what you hear, hear more by following the links on the show notes for this episode. Thanks for again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neil Iboznik, I'm No Illusions, Promise, and a Work Hard to Earn Another Chunk Next Week, until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes. The Lord Jesus Christ went on to mend the relationship between a German man and his son by causing a second Holocaust. Mimi went on to be a former heroin-addicted prostitute widow,

Thai woman with no marketable skills in a religion aboard by 98.8% of her country's population. I'm sure that worked out great for her. Mr. Deville opened a nightclub called Satine's colon, I'm the devil Lucifer. It was a huge success. Oh, I'm Jesus in this one. Okay. That's what I was asking about. Rick, I know you love the I'm gonna be a really hard at it guys.

So then we cut over to Davey who's I do easy a week. I'm done. Okay. No you're not. We're done. So. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz ¡Hero, ton! ¡Es eso! Con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas.