God Awful Movies - 76: GAM076 Wicked Vultures 2

Episode Date: January 31, 2017

On this week's episode, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Wicked Vultures 2; the 4th film in the Vultures of Horror series. Listen as Heath begs us in vain to edit out large portions of the episode. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

Just go straight to your biggest spell. Just go straight to the big spell at the end. He's building up. Well, it's like the bad guys in movies that start off with the guns and when that doesn't worth, they're like, hmm, time to use the rocket launcher. It's like the rocket launcher always works. Guys, what the fuck? Yes, they have the power rangers always to try as a separate thing and then they'd be

like, no, that didn't work because it never works. Brian never works. Let's just, let's get together at two o'clock every day, form up as a giant thing and then just look around. Ha, ha, ha. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be is my good friend Heath and right. Heath, welcome back. Who's a great musician? Who's that? The techno reggae artist who wrote the Vulture's theme song. I love it now. And the 37 drummers that they used as well.

Yeah. And sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Call forward, which is actually a call backward at this point when this is what comes out. You got to follow him. You got to follow him across multiple podcast people. That's what he's trying to tell you and dimensions. So tell us, Heath, what are we going to be breaking down today? All right.

We watched wicked vultures, too. It's the continuing saga of it's part four of the fucking vultures 2. It's the continuing saga of, it's part four of the fucking Vultures thing. I don't know. It's like a beauty pageant demon head. And do you like how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the first three Vultures movies, but yeah, I hated how many of the words you could understand. You will love this movie.

This is like, do you remember that scene from the office where Michael Scott thinks that negotiation is just like, mm, mm, mm, mm, like just getting quiet. It's like the Vultures movies have slowly been doing this to us. And by the end of like happy Vultures birthday, 77, it's just going to be a series of interconnected syllables with us guessing randomly at the scenes. Is that not what we were doing? I might have to change my mind. I got to write all new notes. All right. So this is, of course, the fourth episode of the vulture series as Heath mentioned. So before we get into it, I want to give the audience kind of an idea how this measures up to the other three. So of the four, where would you rank wicked vultures to

in terms of random, ever variant audio quality? I'm going to say tied for first with all of them. It's the entire series is shot with like one mic implanted in the actor's larynx and the other mic attached to a flying kite somewhere nearby. You do get the feeling that the actors in this movie think mics are demons so that the people who made it had to hide them around the case they ever caught one. I think this is the first movie where like somebody actually hits the microphone. Yeah.

Oh, we'll get there. Yeah. Yeah. And how about in terms of angry direct address monologues of intended evil? Oh, first place. Everyone's a bond villain trying to impress the camera guy with their plan constantly. I feel like the camera guy was playing with a mic and everyone in the cast saw him and they were all mad at him through the shooting and the movie.

Whose side are you on. And finally, I think this is sort of the most important one. Where does this rank in terms of ass kicking magic vultures? For me, also first place, both in total volume and in they murder a rapist. Yeah, they do, which is slightly different than punching an Nazi, right? A little bit. We're not doing this on air. We are divided in our opinions. Because it violates the iTunes terms of service and we would have to have our

podcast removed if we did. Yeah. We're gonna joke, joke. No, we're gonna rape a Nazi. So we're saying, and then we will kill you. We're the vulture. We're the vulture. But we'll send you a nice t-shirt. Okay, so he like, where would you rank it in terms of past kicking magic vultures? We're going, what it is is we're going

for like new records every week of how long it takes to go completely off the rails and I don't think we can beat this one. We've said it today. We got it in the count we do to balance out our mind. Right. We actually had to cut something before that. Now, I'm going to go with first place for this, of course, but I have to admit, aside from sort of like polter guy stuff, their main trick seems to be making people crazy. I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed in the vulture so far. Yeah, no, but for three movies, we've been building up their bad assery and then all they can do is like make people strip kind of weird. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, two things actually.

I'm going to say best worst strategy for using magical powers. Now, we have bad guys with access to a demon god who controls vultures with laser beams. And we saw them already use this to increase sales at a flea market in earlier episodes. This time they also levitate office chairs. That's what they go with for the magic. Little monkey in the middle with some glasses. We'll get to it. Yeah. One of the thing, best worst,use of the phrase you people, man, I'll say what if the main character was white, this would be very uncomfortable. Yeah. Can I go with best worst money envelopes? The entire last three quarters of this movie

are just this guy sitting down with people, talking to them and handing them what could not be more obviously the same three sad ruffled envelopes with no money inside. They couldn't even afford legit. So those are just like index cards with like a check and crayon because it's very hard to tell. All right. Well, before we get to the breakdown, I'm going to need a quick minute to strike a few things out of Eli's notes and Heath. Yeah, thank you. And mine. Perfect. So we're going to pause for a quick break and when we come back, we'll dive into all the horrible legacy of British colonialism that is

wicked vultures too. Hey, hey, it's me, Carl the Pug of Pegacon.ag-a-Con. I'm one third Pug, one third Pegasus, and one third U-D-Con. And there's nothing a Pug-a-Pag-a-Con likes more than having friends over for a fresh home-cooked meal. Am I right, Eve? You sure are, Karl? No, Eve, no ballooning. Do actually order Blue Apron, is that right?

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but the pug in me wants to make sure this is good eaten. So what's on this month's menu? Glad you asked, Carl. Let's see what we got. So, we got a West African peanut chicken. Ooh, that's sounds delicious. Hmm, we got paprika and fennel spiced salmon. Mmm, yum, yum.

Yup, and cauliflower parmesan paninis with red leaf lettuce and an apple salad. Paninis, I love paninis. Hey, can I get some of those? Uh, I don't know. Can a lot of pegacorns eat cauliflower? I'm willing to find out. I bet you are, Carl.

And with Blue Apron, never repeating a recipe within a year. I'm eating new and delicious dishes like these every single week. It's like you run your own little restaurant. Sure feels like it, Carl. OK, you sold me. He, how do I get on board? Well, you and anybody listening at home can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals

free with free shipping by going to blueaprin.com slash God awful movies. You will love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home cook meals with blue apron. So don't wait. That's blueaprin.com slash God awful movies. Blue apron a better way to cook. I'm Carl the Pug of Pag of Cone. What? What's this? I don't know, it's been like six months of ads. Just kidding. Get in the car.

Hey Alan! Alan! Hey, super excited to finally be in the movie? Yeah man, we've been waiting. Oh, so who am I playing? Oh, this is great. You are going to be playing the game. You, man, we've been waiting.

Oh, so who am I playing? Oh, this is great. You are going to be playing the devil. Oh, so I get the red suit and the horns and the whole thing with the fire, huh? Uh, sorry. What? You know, the devil, the red giant guy, fire, tail, pitchfork. Oh, um, are you sure the devil isn't a green floating head with corn for horns?

Did you made me? Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I'm very sure. Hmm. Okay. Well, we'll figure it out. I'm sure it was. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Oh, okay. But um, you're not allergic to corn, right? No. Cool. Cool. No, just wondering offhand. What did I Google? And we're back for the breakdown. And once more, we're going to start one of these movies off with a this preview has been approved for all audience screen followed by no previews

because that's how movies start, I guess. It's cute. Now that we know it's kind of like a toddler, right? Like saying ladies and gentlemen before they speak, right. And then of course, we're straight into those awesome flaming laser credits. We love so much. Oh, amazing. They feel like your book picture day in Muslim health. That's what it seems like. I always wanted the laser ones, like putting on a comfy old sweater, these credits. A comfy old sweater that's haunted with green devil demons. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So now, as you'll no doubt recall, when we last left off,

we had a group of dudes that were off to gang rape evil witch daughter, Quinn, and we're gonna pick right back up at their rape planning stage. Now, I wanna point out, because I don't, I've never gang raped before, but I feel like there isn't a pep talk at the beginning. You know, they have this little huddle

where it's like, all right, guys, rape on three, one, two, three, right. Yeah, you're making me, I'm going, I don't need a pep talk before a gang like you. You're judging this week. Seriously though, they need a pregame like strategy meeting for a gang. I wanted to see like like X's and O's on a whiteboard. Like, all right, you're going to go mad and announce and you want to fill the A gap, the

B gap. Watch for the tight end and motion. Like terrible. Instead of a whiteboard, they've got a game of operation that they're drawing on. And again, we did talk about this last time we broke down this scene, but I want to remind everybody that two of the characters have ski masks and the other guy has cut eye holes in a wool cap and it's just putting it on like nose first. I really wanted a ski mask argument like Django, where they're like, come on, my wife

cut out the holes. We all agreed we were doing the bags. Can we get an additional, you know what, it's fine. It's fine. So now we head inside where Quinn is just watching her tablet, humming to herself like you do. And actually, honestly, for the movies that we watch for Christian movies, this is the best vamping before the scene starts that we may have ever seen.

It's true. She doesn't do anything with coffee, which again, in our Christian movies puts her in the 0.001%. Yeah. And just real quick, remind me from the last fucking three episodes, was there like an endgame for these guys? Or is it just like doing a rape? Yeah, no, they're just they're gonna rape her because she wouldn't date the one guy Question what is the end game that usually occurs after said rape?

Yeah, what is usually the stress? What did I mean by that question? What is right? Yeah? In your life rapist. In your life. About this particular rate. She seemed like they were going about this all wrong. So and I love this fucking moment. So they come knocking on the door and she's like, who is it? And I want to say like I'm expecting to go land shark.

But instead the rapist does a lady voice. Uh, I need nothing else from this life. I'm ready to go now. This was amazing. Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl. I hate you. No, I need not to. What would need something to achieve? What? A bunch of amateurs. God, we're getting offensive early in it. God run off most of the listeners in the first few minutes. That way they don't hear the really bad shit that's yet to come when we try to interpret what these Nigerians are saying. So okay, so yeah, the rapist does this lady voice.

So she lets them in. And the three of them come in. Now one guy is carrying a knife that absolutely when he bought that, the sales pitch absolutely included the words, but don't answer yet. So again, I feel weird analyzing a rape knife, but that's a stupid rape knife. That's a day. It's not the right. I'm just saying, like, that's right. Nothing. Nothing. I didn't say that. I stopped. It's crazy. It's not into our lives. It's not a reasonable rape weapon. It is what I'm saying. We all know what I mean by that. The threatening or with a slap chop would have been more effective. It's funny. Yeah. No, it did look like a knife that should be cutting a tin can hold on.

We're going to cut this penny into a corkscrew and then open this bottle of wine and then point the cork at you. It's so weird. So yeah, now, of course, we can't jump right into the rape. You have to monologue a bit. So he monologues. And at this point, I'm wondering like, what is the point of the fucking mask, right? She knows this guy, like the vast majority of his image visible and he's not using the

lady voice anymore. So clearly she's going to be able to be able to identify the dude and she's like, what do you want? I would give you anything and he's like dick off your clothes and she's very casually just like no, not gonna do it. Yeah. So he tries to rape her. And when it becomes clear that that's when he's going for she gives him this amazing, oh no, you didn't look. She just like just bats arise like, oh, you're gonna rape me. I think I'm gonna really

we'll see. Really? You're gonna rape me. Also, can we put out he stops mid rate. He never undresses her or does anything violent. He just sort of like heves himself on top of her and then like, right? But he stops that process mid rate to give his buddy a fist up. He's like that timing. I mean, he your resident rate back for a really established on this episode. I feel like if you do a fist bump there, you blow it up at least, you know, style, style points wise.

Oh, this is so the fist bump. I want to diss associate myself with this episode. At it. Um, so, so she turns into it. So just as he's about to rape her, she turns into a poorly animated charred skeleton. And they all run screaming away. Like like little kids, they might as well push each other into the bushes while they're screaming away. It's great.

And then of course we have to linger on this scene long enough for her to turn back into a human and giggle about it. She's having a good old time. I mean, because apparently turning into a burned skeleton is her way of like disguise. So it's basically the metal gear solid box for her is a burned skeleton is her way of like disguise. So it's basically the metal gear solid box for her is a burn skeleton. Now who will I rape? Yeah. Apparently some guys aren't into that. So all the bad guys run back to the rape planning location. Apparently they agreed to meet here if it all went wrong. Yeah. Okay. Now this goes wrong. Where are we all meeting? All right. Well, what are you? What do you mean go wrong? Like if she turns into a skeleton, all right.

Yeah. Well, we were, we run to the metal vats like where we started. Yeah, exactly. Those giant kegs that we were at. It's important when you're planning a rape to have a safe. Anyway, so, um, yeah. And the one guy says to the other is like, what was it we saw? Was that a skeleton? Do I see the other guy says, I'm not sure. The graphics were actually pretty crappy. I think that's what we were going for though. Baldur's gate.

Ghosts and goblins maybe. So yeah, so the guy goes, and I love this too, because the one guy goes, man, she's a witch. And the other guy's like, Hey, like Chinaman is not to prefer a nomenclad, your man. Come on, Asian American, please. Yeah. At this point, I wrote my notes. I feel like these rapists are focusing on the wrong thing because they're, they're really not ready to call her a witch, but they were really ready to rape her. Yeah. it's not. It's not. This smurge her good name, though. Yeah.

Again, I feel weird critiquing the rapists on their plan, but this is not a great plan. Not a great plan. They weren't ready for the skeleton thing at all. Question. A raping people with. He. All right. So good question.

Are these rapists doing the right thing if she's a Nazi witch? No, no, no, there's just no question of that at all. It's so easy. So, okay. What do you think? Trim in an art user page? Send me 11 private messages about it if you disagree. Hashtag rapin Nazi witch? So that sounds sort of like cool kids speak like me right but not see which No, it doesn't it doesn't sound like that. Well, I said we are So here's the sad thing is that almost nobody knows what the fuck we're talking about and the people who do our

Seriously pissed We'll move along we'll move along so now we cut to that same dude in bed with that same check, which is super fucking confusing. But my first note on this, and we'll get to why this is going on in just a second, but my first notice is that every bedroom in Nigeria looks as though you're moving tomorrow and the trucks already loaded. Every single one is just like one mattress in the middle of the room, a cord like snaking way over the plug your phone in. And this one like nine, I think, Dunder Mifflin, paper boxes. That's just weird little crossover between universes, whatever.

Strange. Yeah, so he's laying in bed. She shows up and then his phone starts screamingreaming at him so he has to answer it and while he's doing that she turns back into a skeleton Here's the I think like if my boyfriend put on a ski mask and tried to rape me I feel like I'd recognize him a moment later Well as it turns out this was all a dream so just you know They and I guess she's like haunting his dreams with magic now. Yeah, the movie makes sense. Yeah. Now the movie makes perfect sense.

And apparently, and this was amazing. He wakes up from the bad dream. And this is where we learned that apparently all the rapists sleep in one long three-stuces style mattress together. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Amazing and at first I was like well, that's crazy, but I guess involve three of you are rapists and you all sleep in the same bed Isn't that the safest place to be? Opposite who I'm gonna say I'm the rapist like when you're going to sleep. It's like okay,, don't rape me. Don't rape me. You're a rapist. You are. You hang up.

It's like that sleep over in middle school, except instead of like the hot water and you pee yourself, you get raped. Yeah. So it's like mind sleep. You so beat me to that one. I was not welcome to many more sleep offers. And I don't, and I don't feel bad about

on inviting you either. This is a fun episode. Yes. Well, the wall rape jokes, guys, on God awful movies. For usable minutes. That's going to be a really short episode. All right. So yeah, so he runs off Daniel Tosh was right. Sorry, God. And then we get some, yeah, if anything needs to be cut out, it's those words right there. Yeah. So, um, so then we get some weird piano music. And we cut to a, like a college commons area. This is where everybody goes to check their grades. Um, and my music note here is, what do I press to get back to actually playing the damn game?

Yeah, I was music note. you are riding your horse in Zelda. Yeah, right. I thought it kind of sounded like, like Stephanie and DJ getting a lesson from Bob's Saga at the end. But like on Mario Paint, like you know, there you go, Danny. Exactly. Sort of a crossover there. And now we've got a bunch of characters we've never met arguing about whether their

school has enough hot women to win the beauty pageant that their school is putting on. Did you get all that from the words that were they were saying? Not the first time I got that off, but Noah's notes. Cheating. That Ibbid. So, but in this scene, we have all of these people look like cartoon dinosaurs, by the way, in case you're wondering.

They look like, like, they look like an episode of dinosaurs set in the 80s. Uh, we got out of way African pippy long stockings, little orphanage Annie. It's very weird. Everyone's a different time period and hairstyle. Yeah. It's a setting. So it's two women and a man and a man and the guy looks like a backup dancer for my

girl wants to party all the time. And this other chick is dressed like fucking rainbow bright. But apparently these are the organizers of the beauty pageant that we mentioned for really long periods of time in the last episode. But the key here is that the guy, the Eddie Murphy look like wanna be guy is not convinced that they have pretty enough girls for the beauty pageant. And just as he's expressing that, Quinn comes by the evil witch daughter and he's just blown away.

Yes, he goes, what a damn cell. I believe damn cell. Yes. And then turns to the girls next to him. in real time and goes, ever since I saw this girl, I have what and I was like, you mean three seconds, a second. All these seconds. Yes. Remember way back in the day just now. And of course, this is also the first time we get to hear the auto tune, cultures of horror music. It makes me so happy. So yeah. So he, he, you know know, and of course the girls are like,

do you really think you could turn her into a beauty queen? And I'm like, oh my God, vultures of horror has now crossed over with she's all that. Wow. Again, I need nothing else from this life. 10 things I rape about you. Oh, too far. Too far. Too far. Too far, too far too far too far too far too far too far.

And now we cut to her to Quinn. And she's all like splatched with dabs of white paint. And I am way more turned on this by this than I would have expected. Um, um, let me some Quinn, but she has to remind us in this. And so she is now communing with the devil slash mirror, mirror on the wall slash jolly green giants faithful side kicks sprout. This is the great shocker. Kiki. No, that can't be. Yes.

Yeah, I believe that I believe that's shocker. Kiki. Okay. That is. No, that can't be. Yeah, I believe that's shocker, he can get that in. He's got a vault. He himself. I mean, he had the corn cobs on his head. Did you not notice what?

What? What? That's obviously shocker, he said. Okay, so we have to, I have to like really dig, like drill in because most of our audience, of course, doesn't watch these movies, those lucky bastards. This guy is supposed to be like a devil character and literally house two halves of a corn cob sticking out of his hat. And he's painted green. And he's painted green. There is no chance it's anything but halves of corn cobs that they just said. Unless it's maybe those little, you know, the corn cob holders that look like corn

comps. I guess it could have been that stabbed into his brain. But yeah, it's one of those two things. And she's telling the great chakra, Kiki slash sprout that. But yeah, it's one of those two things. And she's telling the great chakra, Kiki slash sprout that, you know, it's not just these three guys trained a rapper. Remember the kid who couldn't find a Cornell West costume that fit him, but war won anyway from the from the last one. He's also trying to rape her. So she's asking for chakra, Kiki to help, you know, Vulture, the fuck out all of these guys. Yeah.

And he, like, and he turns into two Vultures so we can assume he agrees. But it's at this point, we should probably reflect like they're the bad guys in the movie. Right? The way you family. Yeah. I feel like if you want your witches to be the bad guy, just scream no quick script, no. If you want your witches to be the bad guy just scream no quick script no if you want your witches to be the bad guy in a movie shouldn't they not be avenging their rapist or attempted rapist right why couldn't he just be giving her bad grades because he's a grumpy old professor right

and then when she six the vultures on him we're like oh no grumpy old professor but rapist old professor is hard to sympathize with. I guess this one. At least for two of the three of us. Absolutely. Yeah. Which two. I feel like those aimed at me. So now we cut to the Cornell West character sitting in his office.

Now I should point out, okay, so at the end of each of these movies, they have a little like, you know, coming soon on Vulture's a horror thing. So we have seen teases of this scene so many times I was so excited when it became clear that this was that scene. Oh, okay. So first I've got to set this up way. He's doing work. Well, yeah, exactly.

He is writing with his right hand and one finger punch typing in the middle of his keyboard with the other. Like, whatever he's doing, it requires that he furiously hits B's, G's, V's and H's very quickly. But then enter after. Yes. It's like TTTGGHHJenter. TTTYHJJenter. And he's writing it down. But this is how I'm sure he was playing Tetris, guys. Oh, okay. I thought he was taking Eli notes.

But it was one of the other. Was he taking notes on his Tetris? Did he go on and writing his moves down? Yeah. How do you get better? Like playing chess. You give it like playing a rape. What?

So I have to point out that the, again, we have to like remember from time to time that this is Nigeria. They have an excuse for their movies being so horrible. So this guy sitting in a leather chair that has clearly been caught at by a panther. You know, this is what's out of place anywhere in America except a trash dump or something, but that's what they've got there. So that's what they have to work with. Well, and the room is like split and half. He can only be on one side of the room because

the other side of the room is cartoon world. There's like cartoon tile floor and then there's the two cartoon office chairs and a cartoon leather lobby chair. That's all. Okay. And so to give you an idea how bad these graphics are, basically you could have achieved the same effect if you had filmed them without the shares and then taped chairs to a TV screen filmed that well the scene was playing. That's basically what we're looking at. If they walked into our homes individually and been like, I hear you are watching one second. And you held up like two you're a teacher. How dare you? It's disgusting. Yeah, but no one comes.

He keeps saying, come in and nobody comes. And then his glasses float off of his face. And of course, the glasses float off in a solid 10 seconds, goes by before he reacts to them. And then the vulture start fucking with him, using the glasses as I would a laser to my cats. The music here was pretty fun. I wrote it's a rattlesnake landing a spaceship. It looks like Eli during a room noise. I don't know how that's exactly. So he chases his glasses around and he's going like, this is weird. My glasses shouldn't be floating

around in the room, but he's still just snatching at him. Eventually they snap back into his face. And that's when we start getting the floating chairs that wanted a time, raise up in the air, just spin around and then come back down. It's pretty sweet. Seriously, if guys in black unitards did this with like cardboard chair cutouts, it would have been better. It would have been, it would have been better. It would have been more realistic. Absolutely. So, yeah, but this is enough to really free him out.

So he runs from the bill building and now there is a vulture chasing behind him. Okay. So first of all, and we're going to see a lot of the vultures in this one. And I want to point out that when the camera zooms in or zooms out, the vultures remain the same size relative to the, to the screen. So they grow and shrink as the camera zooms in. And also, I don't think Spider-Man movie maker lets you adjust the zoom. Clearly not.

And also he's chewing at the vultures, but not like when they're near him. So yeah, great job with that. So and then he's, as he's running out one of the laser, one of the vultures comes through and shoots him with an ice laser. Yeah, ice laser, obviously. Okay. And then he starts stripping and runs away doing monkey arms. We're supposed to believe so the laser has turned him crazy and he's just taking his clothes

off because that's how they're going to show crazy in this movie. But I thought he was getting undressed to fight the vulture. So he takes out his shirt and he's very much doing the like, let's get our shirt off and fight. Why did he start that? Why would you? Why would you? You doing like a, come on.

You never find, and you're like, oh, yeah, let's do it. Come on. This is a very classic thing. Come on. Let's take off our clothes. Grease up and but they took off his pants. And I was like, that is a weird way to fight. I just wanted to like shirts and skins with the vultures. I'm killing took off his pants. And then I was like, all right. That's a weird way to fight a vulture. Also, it takes him like 11 minutes to get his belt off too.

Like it's like, clearly he's just like, fuck, they won't come around the goddamn, but no second shots in vultures or so. No second takes. So he strips to his underwear and then runs off holding his arms above his head. And of course, Quinn and her roommate are standing there watching all this. The roommate's pretty freaked out, but Quinn knows exactly what's going on. She says, oh, maybe one of the students he molested cursed him.

And she's like, is it you? She's a guy. No, it was me, it was me. And then we cut to the, to the vultures, also chasing the rapists. Yeah. And Blazer blasting one of them to death. And again, regardless of the

level of zoom, the vultures remain the same size. So at one point here, as we're chasing along, we get, you know, vulture camera, whatever, we are seeing a tiny little hummingbird size vulture. Yeah, after this guy, probably the size of his foot. You're telling me vulture cam wasn't cool. You know, that was a cameraman on a motorcycle. There's a new question and they were like, okay, you must hold very still because I'm going to drive this motorcycle right up to your face. I was thinking bicycle, but yeah, one or the other. So yeah, so the Vultures are chasing around all of her tormentors.

And then we cut to Kwame. And Kwame as you'll recall, is the father of the evil witch family. And he's also doing the white blotchy paint thing, albeit in a far less sexy way. And a whole, no, everybody's everybody's open to a third of us thinks that. So apparently it is time to put an end to all his enemies. And you know that because he says, this is the time to put an end to all my enemies. Like, why would you schedule that ahead? Like, why wouldn't you just like, when you wrote it on the calendar, like,

how's Tuesday for reading the world of those who opposed all of that thing? Yeah. Exactly. This plan didn't need multiple phases before the putting an end to all your enemies. Just review those phases were first better sales in a flea market than giving a lady gluifoot disease. And now defeating all enemies spell. Exactly. That's the, so like four steps less than when he thraps somebody. We're saying. It's got a long term. And you said I can be quiet right now.

Andrew says you had to be quiet right now. Yeah. But here's my question. Cause Kwame is summoning the vultures. Do you think the vultures had like a complaining moment when they got home where they're like, fuck Kwame wants us to. Where will they been? Been four weeks. Fuck man. Four weeks they were sitting around bitching at me and now they all won us. This is what it is. Call. I'm a vulture. Three goddamn episodes.

They've barely used us and now all of a sudden. Yeah, so he pulls out a little voodoo doll. Now I'm not entirely clear on who he's cursing with this voodoo doll. But if I'm following it correctly, it's all the hard working people, all the successful people and the greedy people that exploit Nigerians, circle the one that's not like the others. And we get and this was so this was one of the few scenes where I had to go get Lucinda

or I'm like, maybe you got to see this shit because this is where he gives the the the curse. Oh, the curse with the close up of his mouth. Yes. Oh, so sexual because you have a wife who is pregnant. I will make her pregnant for two years. What a bizarre fucking curse. I mean, yes, that sucks, but it's still weird.

But he totally buries the lead on this because then he goes and then just when she's about to deliver, she's going to deliver a goat. And I gotta say, that's a pretty sweet-ass curse, right? Because you got someone pregnant for double the amount of time and they're like, finally, the baby's here. And it's a goat, but that's an awkward day. Right. You finally get to open all the baby shower gifts, which you got a year and a half ago. And you got all the blue. Eating all of them. Yeah. It's been painted three or four times. And then you just have a

goat and your husband's side eye and all the goats along the road on the way home. I feel like they would have noticed like they'd have picked up the hooves in the seventh trimester ultra sound, but I'd hate Nigeria. So who knows. Also, I feel like the goat things a little too obvious, right? I mean, like ghost subtle, like, you're a white kid to fuck the husband. Yeah, there you go. Oh, worse. Definitely, of the white people I know, most of them are worse than goats. Yeah.

So, and then, and then he tax on to the end of all of this course, he's like, and then you'll go to sleep and get up no more. And I'm like, yeah, it seems like the worst part that we, we, again, yeah, do the, just go straight to your biggest spell. Just go straight to the big spell at the end. Yeah, building up. Well, it's like it's like the bad guys in movies that start off with the guns and when that doesn't work, they're like, time to use the rocket launcher. It's like the rocket launcher always works. Guys, what the fuck?

Yes, they have the power rangers always to try as a separate thing. And then they'd be like, no, that didn't work because it never works. Brian, It never was. Let's just tell you what, let's get together at two o'clock every day, four months as a giant thing and then just look around. So now he's done with that voodoo doll. He's done cursing all the successful people. And then he pulls out another voodoo doll to curse lucky who would get as you'll recall from the earlier ones. That's the newly appointed community chief. He wanted to be community chief, but the damn elders chose Mr. Lucky instead. So now he has to curse him. And after this hyper specific goat pregnancy, sleep death thing that he after that, he says about lucky. He's like, and for you, Mr.

Lucky, you have no idea what's going to happen to you. It's not all of us do, though, really. That's anyway, yeah. Things will not be sure. And then he wraps the dolls up with ribbons and adds a twist of lime. Apparently, that's an important part of the spell. I wanted some drunk white girl to stumble over. I'm sorry. Can you put, can you mull cement in the dog with us? I'm sorry. Should get the rim of that foodoo doll. No.

It's my birthday. Uh, go fuck yourself. So you can tell which one of us used to be a bartender. I used to be a bartender. So hey, hey hate that girl. He just hates her. He said, hates, hates just rhymes with other things. I think the distance myself from a lot of the things that have been said today, I just

want to be very clear. I don't find any of that to be funny, not funny, not funny. So now we cut to Mr. Lucky meeting with the village, village elders on the, on the plague school chairs that they meet on again, it's Nigeria. They need places to say, I get it. I get it. I'm not making fun of them for being poor. Okay. I'm just, but I'm, but I'm taking it back right afterwards. So I think it, I think that makes it okay. Oh, look at Ray plan getting old, Judgy. That is not my new nickname. That's official. And edit. So I love that he was talking to me, but you came to the difference.

There you kind of digging a hole for yourself. Shouldn't have made fun of Morgan. So shit. You'll get no help now. So yeah, now the actor who plays Mr. Lucky, I think we picked this up the last time we met him, but this actor clearly demands a progressively sillier hat in each scene that he appears in. It was in his writer, like the green M&Ms. There is no question. And so this time he's, he comes out wearing something

like that they'd make you wear if you worked at movies. He's got a giant goat. How would you even describe this thing? The cow hat that he's wearing. And he forgets his very first line too. He walks in and goes, I love to show you my respect. And I wrote the I Bosnian story. I get it. She turns around and looks disappointed. You get dressed real quick and talk about how much you respect her. Sure.

And there are so many times in this movie, by the way, where actors were clearly fuck up their lines. So then we just are suddenly at a close up halfway through the line. Yeah, so they're discussing all the logistics of installing him as community chief. And it's it. By the way, that's exactly as interesting as I just made it sound. But apparently this will be a big event. And also clearly after they explained that lucky forgot that it was his lying next. So we get this amazing moment where everyone's just kind of vamping and kind of hinting or out sort of elbowing

him and shit. And then we got to a close up where he delivers his line. It's really fantastic. Then the laser culture comes along and lasers him. Yeah. And this time he chokes and spits up Alka Seltzer. Right. But that's supposed to be him going crazy because later on everyone will talk about how he went crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Again, they had no ideas, no other ideas for the fucking vultures. So then we cut back to the, we get a little vulture chasing rapist, arguably rapist bit. And then we cut back the v. Chases someone. Yeah. It's in with the laser, which makes that person take all of his clothes off, including very clearly his underwear until someone stopped. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and I wrote my notes here, oh man, I hope nobody hands this dude some cocoa butter. Oh, no, movie, don't, these people don't commit is what I'm saying, right? So then we go back to the elders who are trying to figure out what to do now that the chief got vulture laser into insanity, you know, it's the kind of problem you have in Nigeria from time to time. This is what you get to find out about if you participate in local government people. Get on it. And one of these elders is the bedega ladies husband who points out that, you know, not only

did the chief go mad, but his wife also has a foot thing. And what are the odds that one person would have mental illness and another person, a foot ailment must be Satan magic must be Satan. Also, we should point out this character is characterized by the silly props. He will carry throughout this movie. Yes. This scene, he's carrying a feather duster. Yes, which he will knight someone with later. Yeah. And they basically spend the next six minutes of this scene agreeing with each other that the only reason there could be a lack of progress

in Nigeria is Satan. Yes. Well, and okay, so, and then another one of these elders is the guy whose wife woke up at the end of the first episode and beginning of the second episode. So he's like, you know, now that I think about it way back in episode one, my wife had a bad dream where she said bad things would happen and bad things did happen. So the other guy goes, you know, I don't always agree with your wife, but I have to admit her dreams

are certainly coming true. So yeah, so and this is, this is the truly terrifying part of this movie, right? Like we make a lot of jokes about virtually everything in this movie, but the terrifying bit is that the underlying concept is that without a satanic influence, there's no way that there could be canker source and economic stagnation. So yeah, it's terrifying again. And of course, we also, the wife is in the scene here. So we get another close-up of her partially peeled glue foot syndrome. Yeah. It's all the old glue foot. Looks like your hand falls asleep before you clean up.

And then of course, they also have to mention that like they've heard of women carrying pregnancies for over a year. Like goat pregnancies, that is. And then a Ford Taurus pulls up. So you know that motherfucker's loaded. And this is glue foot ladies son. Yes, who we've never met before. Yeah. Who we have never met. Who will wear a fantastic selection of shirt through the movie that will always make me glad to see him. Yeah. This one looks like a Vegas figure skater. Okay. I had fat woman's blouse. Yeah. Like a shirt dress. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's about right. That's about right. So yeah. Yeah. And so like

as he comes up, he has to bow to one of the elders so he can knight him with his feather duster. And then he walks up. He sees that his mother has a foot thing and he goes, who did this to your mother? And she says, my enemies. Wow. That's terrifying. And to punctuate this, by the way, a very clear, very loud goat in the background goes, right after she says my enemies, and you know, they were like, can we shut up the goat? Little professionalism here. All right, guys. I was actually expecting her to go, oh, I haven't introduced you to your little brother yet. So and then we cut to that night, which is completely fucking pointless, because this is just

a continuation of that scene, because now that same family is sitting around having dinner. Well, but the sun gets to have a new outfit for tonight. That's true. No, it looks like a DJ at Club Med or something like that. Yeah. Now he has a jacket made of full leaves. And the mom is starts the scene off. Regretting giving up the charm that she used to fight off the skeleton army in episode

one. And I feel like, you know, anything that turns back an army of skeletons, that's a keeper. I'm holding on to that thing, but she gave it back and she's really regretting it now. I also love to, okay, so the sun here is like, it's like me hanging out with Aunt Kathy because they're going like, yes, it was definitely the witches and the evil enemies. And the sun's like, yeah, you know, I don't believe in that stuff, but, you know, let's, whoever it is, let's leave it to God to punish them, huh? So let's not burn the albinos, huh?

Yeah. What do we think? Can we get a promise not to burn albinos until we come back tomorrow? And it's still open for discussion. It's always still open. Can we get a promise not to burn a binos until we come back tomorrow? Still open for discussion. It's always still open. Also during this conversation, just again, the background is giving us gold There's very clearly a giant sick weird looking cat crawling along the back wall. Oh, yes They're talking about how Nigeria just kind of sucks. And then like a literal dingo walks right in the background. It might as well steal a baby and like fail in AIDS test. It's so bleak.

Well, and that's the conversation is like everything all over the country sucks. Therefore, there must be magic Satanism. I'm like, when has everything in Nigeria not sucked? What was the golden age of Nigeria people? This is the best that's ever been. It's gonna be the most populous country in like a few decades, right? Yeah, it's the projection. Yeah, it's pretty terrifying.

Awesome. So, so now it's the next morning. Don't worry, it'll be the previous night later, but it's the next morning now and we have a car pulling up. Everyone rushes to greet it all for of the town's folks. And this is mini LeBron, the main character from the, from the first three movies that always gives people money and stuff. And who everyone just compliments in every scene of every movie he's ever been in.

So amazing. But they run at his car like God damn zombies. Yeah, like they're trying to fucking wash his windows for money or something, but luckily he has brought some bread for them. Now this is the moment he's like, oh, so good to see I've brought you some bread and he reaches into the back seat to get the bread and he clearly hits the microphone. Doom as he reaches back for the bread. Wow.

He like breaks and sparks. Yeah. That's more galo. You might as well see the sound guy in the back glaring at him and fixing it throughout the rest of the day. Oh, I'm a little more careful next time you reach for bread, Mr. Daniel Day Lewis. So, we're like Daniel Day blew it.

And now it's, it's, it's night again, the next night. I don't know. The real difficulty in these movies, and this has always been the problem in these movies, is that we do these little cues in our notes, like with the first person that watches the movie, I'll cue in on this particular line. Okay, this is the line where I'm starting the next scene so everybody else can keep up with them. And which means that we have to like write down what they just said.

So for this one, I wrote, you know, I had to make sure my brother wasn't Filini. And I'm pretty sure that's what she said. I have no fucking clue. The rest of my notes for the rest of the movie are what did Noah say happened? I'm gonna go. Some jokes about that. My cue was two women talking to each other. I can't understand them. Even if I could, they keep switching to the far away mic that's on a kite. Hopefully

Noah will have notes. Yeah. So it's, it's Rose who is the, the chick that the bad brother, the satanic younger brother had to pay to fuck in the first three movies, it's her and a friend to hers. And they're talking about how excited they are that many LeBron, whose name is Kujo, I think I don't know. Anyway, so they're talking about how excited they are that he's in town because he's such

a philanthropist and one of them or and he will almost certainly give them money because that's what he does. I just wrote lighting is for pussies in this scene. They also point out again that, uh, that all of the bad things in Nigeria are because of the witches. Yes. Yeah. I wrote two consecutive notes, economic downturns are caused by witches, this movie, and then economic downturns are guaranteed if you think they're caused by witches me. And then we cut to two different women also talking about the same thing. Hey, that's my note too.

Yeah, still no idea what they're saying, but it's same thing as what I had in my room. Yep. I, there was one woman that I could more or less understand. The woman and purple in this one, I couldn't even tell where one syllable stopped and another one started. Oh, we're talking about Bonnie from Five Nights at Freddy. This woman is wearing purple, very dark, and in a background that makes her look and lit extra purply. Yes.

Bonnie at Five Nights at Freddy's just got a speaking part in this movie. For some reason. So and they're also there to see many LeBron, a Kujo, about giving them some money. And he comes out in the most kick ass pajamas I have ever seen in my life. If anybody's wondering what's get me for my birthday pretty fly pajamas coming in. We need to eventually do a live show where we do like the final vultures of horror and we wear the pajamas. Everyone wears those pajamas. I feel like that's racist already. Just just I don't know why.

I know I know I'm not yet, but I am into it. This is why I wasn't allowed face paint during the wrestling. into it. This is why I wasn't allowed face paint during the wrestling. One new low after another this week. Alright, so yeah, but so he comes out to tell these women that he'll definitely give them all their money that they want. How did you get out? Do you speak Nigerian? How do you know all these things? Well, he's read my notes, which means he now understands my gear. These people speak as Eli writes. So yes, he has to step up on his pedestal for a little while and tell him how awesome he is. And then they have to tell him how awesome he is.

And then he gives them some money. That's kind of the way he interacts with humans. And now we're back to the other two women that we're talking to the scene before, but luckily this time there in a more or less lit room. And we have to start with several minutes of them talking about how nice the lobby for this hotel is. Very nice, because it's got a sectional sofa

and a love seat. Yeah, and another sofa, yeah, it's amazing. It looks like the office of a psychologist who was disbarred. And you know why? You know why? He made a plan with Heath. You know what I'm saying? So a Heath plan, as I will call it for the rest of my life. And the rest of yours, people listening. So now I've got to identify. I'm so proud of myself. So proud that I know who these two characters are.

So one is I thought they were two different women a third time. No, no, one of them is Rose and the other one is glue foot moms daughter. Did he? Right? Yes, yes. Uh huh. And she's explaining to Kujo to to Minilbron about what happens what happened to her mom's foot

and this guy is such amazing that he actually says in this scene and i quote it's so sad to hear that your mom's legs are getting rotten every day it's a fucking month sorry about your gangrenous mom here's ten bucks what and even gives her the money's like's like, this is for your upkeep. I'm not saying get a haircut, but I'm not saying that too. You know, upkeep like a house or an old bridge or like a saw for your mom's foot. Because that's growth.

So one other line for the seed, right near the end. Tell me if I got this right. He gives them the money again Right, and he says from where this came May God replace a thousand foods Yeah, sure what's the girl she said? I think she means from when this came may God replace a thousand fold like you gave me a Okay, that makes a lot of Nigerian. I don't know if you guys know I just from your right what they say replace a thousand fold like you gave me a thousand. Yeah. Okay. That makes a lot of my gerion.

I don't know if you guys know. Oh, I just from your right type what they say. Yeah. And then I understand it. So there actually there were several times when I'm trying to figure it out. And as I look back over to them, like, oh, charm. Charm is what you would say. So okay.

So now and just to make sure that there's no fucking way you can follow what's going on in this movie, now it's the next day, and we cut to these same two women, leaving a different building, wearing different clothes. Just to confuse me and make me feel racist, yeah. But talking about the exact same subject. Yes, right, right, exactly. Which means that their last conversation must have been like, okay, wait, we will remember exactly where we are and we will continue immediately from here tomorrow when we leave,

not when we get into when we knew that you're going to pay some of there. Yeah. And so, okay, so and try to keep up here. What they're discussing now after they talk about how awesome, uh, many LeBron is for a little while is Rose is apparently the romantic interest of the other girls brother. That's the guy who is alternately dressed in ever more bizarre shirts throughout the movie. Now it's important that you also recall Rose is the girl that the chocolate Kiki younger

brother, the witch brother, you know, sold his iPad for a Superman. Yeah, the Superman sold his iPad for. So this is going to be very important. But Dede is trying to convince Rose that she should date her brother. Right. Okay. We're all on the same page. And then he shows up and he basically re-enacts a live action version of the creepy messages

people send my wife on Facebook. You are a flower. I want to wake up next to you and sleep at night, marry me. Checking account number. What is happening on Facebook? Jesus. Oh, you don't know girls who get those messages.

Female listeners, give me the tweet. Yeah. All right. Send them a screenshot of the creepiest message you've got from a Nigerian guy that wants to fuck you or you as they might say. So many jokes today. She goes, so you don't have a girlfriend in the city and he goes, with a shirt like this, are you fucking kidding me?

No. Look like a dealer for gay blackjack, whatever that would mean. No, I don't. And on his shirt this time, it looks like it's every type of fabric at once, like that shirt at the tailors where they're showing off all the swatches they have. Yeah. Until one shirt he's wearing that shirt. He stole that.

Yeah. Just walks out whistling. I came in wearing this. And also I got to point out this line because this is so weird to me. And I'm wondering if there's maybe a Nigerian mating ritual. I'm not aware of. He says, I want you to be my last lady standing. Like they're going to do a, like a hunger games thing for his dick. I don't, I mean, I'd watch it.

I mean, that sounds awesome, but hungry for the D. Yeah. Games. Appreciate you going back for that. I was just pretending to understand what you were talking about. I volunteered to Eli's tribute. So then we cut to some diner where the smurf version of Dave Chappelle is bragging about how much money his friend made.

His friend by the way, being the, the, the, the, uh, atchew is the guy's name, but the glue mom's son, you know, the one that that that wants to fuck Rose. But Dave should tell Mini-Me literally looks like a preemie that no one will acknowledge. He looks like the epilogue to the goat baby and everyone just decided to just not address it and be cool. So and then of course as they're talking like as they're talking about how much money this guy has, that's the topic of conversation. A Kwame's older son, Superman's older brother walks by and over here's this and he realizes that Rose is stepping out on his brother.

Right. So he proceeds to do like an angry interview like he's on the real world. He just starts talking to the camera. This guy still I really don't like this guy. He's moving in on my brother and we're living in the same house. It's really awkward. Camera man. What? Yes, he has to tell the air in front of him that he does not approve. Heath and I were on a season of the real world together. We don't like to talk about it. We don't like to talk about it. You don't like to talk about it.

He also swears that he's going to clip those feathers of his. I wrote down he's going to clap his feathers. No, no, no, no. Yeah, clip his feathers. They have a lot of chicken based insults and Nigeria street chickens and whatnot. So then we go back to the, you know, the, the porch of evil with a shakriki poster on it so that he can break the news to his brother that his girlfriend is stepping out on him. And he actually says this line, he was feeding her fresh fish, man.

Don't you understand? Are you sure that's why I am all I am not at all. But I am pretty sure the word fresh fish were in there. Definitely fresh fish in there. I don't know what he was describing at the time. And also, by the way, Superman is wearing like a blue and white stripe shirt with a popped collar that kind of looks like the cone that they put on dogs with stitches. That's all like a whole time. No, Steve.

No. But wait, this character's name is Steve and that is unforgivable. We've Kwame, Aachu, DD and Steve. Fuck you. Fuck you. So yeah, but he needs, Steve is the older brother. He's Superman is the younger brother. I know he has a name, but we've been calling him Superman so long.

I can't break the habit. Um, but Superman needs Steve's help to teach that bastard at you a lesson. And, and then of course, Steve leaves, but he's, keeps talking because he has to direct address the camera and tell at you that he'll be taking to the hills next time he fucks his girlfriend. He steps it up from real world. This time he's like pro wrestler the week before summer slandered down at the camera. And fantastic. So with that ominous foreshadowing, I guess we can pause for a quick break, but before you do, let me give act three, the hard sell here.

Will Etchew also get laser to death by an insanity culture? Will the elders blame Satanic magic for their inability to get past level 610 on candy crush? Who's going to squeeze a goat out of their vage Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the bewildering conclusion of wicked vultures to Honey the babies on its way all right finally. It's been two years All right guys. I'm the doctor. Are we feeling good? We're ready to get birth to this baby.

I bet two years is a really long time. Steve the goat. You got the camera? Buh! Okay, now push. Who? Push! There we go.

And you've got a beautiful baby goat. Steve, you son of a bitch. Give me a second, take. And we're back for more hot vulture on vulture action. And this time we're going to rejoin the elders, we've upgraded from their mini plastic kindergarten chairs to the most commonly squeaky chairs. You can possibly imagine it. It is like a sketch every time these actors move.

It's like, and we must go and go through the, yeah, they're like, they're like, they're like, interrupted in their line by the chair. Like, like, with real blue, turning on the blender in the middle of it. So good. Like, like, like they put pickup mics on antique wooden chairs and did a scene clearly. Yeah, because they hate my ears. And they're all discussing the great alcohol that Kujo brought them that that many LeBron brought them, which is clearly a bottle of Coke with a green label, right? I thought they were drinking Pints of Yeager. I thought it was I thought it was Yeager

Meister as well. And I was very upset that they were drinking it in like beer glass. And in pint amounts. Yeah. So yeah, so they all talk about how awesome Kujo is before he shows up in the scene and then he shows up in the scene and everybody talks at the same time about how awesome he is from a couple of minutes in brand new pajamas. Well, it's dressed like a lawn flamingo. Another question on the props, these characters all get, so the elders here, they either get a cane, an ass paddle for hazing like they're in days confused or a feather duster.

Is that a ranking system, do you think? Well, I got it. I really asked. Which is the highest question, Zimbabwe. Because the one guy seemed like he had like a kabuki mask on a stick kind of a thing, but big like for a cow. Oh, I thought that was an ass paddle. I thought it was a rock paper scissor situation.

Like, ass paddle beats feather, but feather beats fan, cane beats feather. It's like a feather. Okay. You can throw a spark once a game. It's playing out of five. So somebody make us that game way out of you. So yeah. And this is where he starts throwing out the line. You people every three seconds or so. A lot. Yeah. A lot. So, but what he's he's telling them like what a great job they've been doing

looking after the village, but it's weird because he's getting like, yeah, the village everything seems to be going to shit. You guys are doing such a great job. And all. He goes, I just want you to know that even though all we have talked about for the last third of this movie is how terrible everything in this village and this country are, you guys are doing super great. Right. They also talk about how lucky who was supposed to be the new village elder is now a madman

and how that doesn't make any sense because madness doesn't run in his lineage. That's what they say. Yep. That's the, those are the two possibilities. You had crazy parents or Satan magic and Kujo is quite distressed by all the Satan magic. They also ask him to take lucky to a crazy hospital so that he can be cured of his vulture insanity. Yeah. To a rehab. Oh, so what they say, a rehab house for people turned crazy by laser vultures. They have. They have no idea. I wouldn't doubt that for a second. I am more confident

that they have that than they have grocery stores in this country. What happened to the lady in the grocery store, right? From those other, they don't tie that up at all. No, she's good at juices. She's good at juices. Sellin'. Isn't she glue foot? No, that's the lady in the boat.

Yeah, that's the lady in the grocery store is Minneapolis. That's right. We haven't touched space with her in a while. Yeah, no, we see her at the very end of the movie, but that's it. Yeah. I was curious about her the whole time. And by the way, as they're sitting here talking in this scene, I literally wrote this, I think, I don't think I've ever done this for an individual scene before, but I wrote, holy shit, there are three more minutes in just this scene. Yeah. They are rough. And by the way, here, let me spoil those three minutes where you, There are windows without children who don't have any food.

There are young people who want to go to school and there are something, something, something. People living at the boundary with no electricity. Yeah. People living at the boundary with no electricity. Really? So I have created a plan for a windows without food. Children who want to go to school and electricity. Hey, guy on the left, you will be in charge of windows without food.

Hey, guy on the right, you will be in charge for kids who want to go to school. You will be in charge for and electricity. Hey, guy on the left, you will be in charge of winning a little food. Hey, guy on the right, you will be in charge of what kids who want to go to school. You will be in charge of the electricity. Everybody break. Yeah. Well, except it's like, listen up, you people, I want you people, you people to run my charities, you people, okay? You people, you people. No, okay.

Yeah. Now, at the very end, he basically is saying, and this is kind of an awkward thing to have to say to people is like, I'm pretty sure you guys aren't going to just steal this money. But so that you guys get an idea, like I actually transcribed this, this is the actual sentence that he uses to say this, okay? I shit you not. These are the fucking words that come out of his mouth in this order. I have no doubt that you people are going to use the funds that will be given to you people that will be used for the reason they have been given to you people.

That's the actual fucking line. He's clearly winning a bet. He's playing the meow game with somebody on the set. There's no question. That's what's happening here. on the set. There's no question that that's what's happening here. Oh, yeah. And then everybody blesses him some more because they cannot leave the scene without everybody talking about how awesome he is. Quick reminder, that now makes 100% of the vultures movies in which characters have had serious discussion about like, and look, I know this money I give you for government programs, you're not going to just keep it. 100% of these poor movies.

Exactly. So scary, scary place. So now we've got back to the porch of evil. And I guess Kucho, Mini Lebron has gone to the house to see Kwame and his wife. They weren't there. So he talks to the brothers, Superman and Steve about how they should come into the city and work for him and stop being evil, vulture worshipers. And he also explains, like, I can't believe you won't let me help you.

I help people every day. You are my immediate constituency. That's what he said. Like I wrote his lines. More importantly, like I wrote his lines and then George W. Bush Jr. translated the lines using a little source to look smarter. To be very would have said constituency if I'm reading your notes correctly. Anyway.

So yeah, he's not very happy with them for being shock-raki worshipers. And he wants to help them, but they won't let him. And he's like, you know, they're like, but you understand, Uncle, you know, Dad'll get all, Vulture, murdery, if we go, you know, we get, Boudou dolls and whatnot. So, so he leaves, he's like, you know, okay,

but you know, think about it. He leaves and then they stand there discussing for a few minutes how much sense he makes. Yep. And another, you guys correct me if I'm wrong. Here's another line here, we get the end of the scene. This idea of living by the bank of the river while soap is blinding our eyes is what I just don't understand. I don't understand either. You know, Steve said it. I agree with Steve. That's very confusing. Yep. No, it didn't write in his notes. So I'm going to assume that's true. Yeah.

So it's like a magic trick. If I could see it, if we could go back there, I could probably tell you what he said. But yeah, okay. So Superman, and then of course Steve walks away and Superman keeps talking as though he doesn't realize he's alone on the porch now for a little while. And then we cut to later that day on that same porch and Kwame is drinking a watermelon. That's my one, I guess, but what the fuck else could that possibly be that he's drinking coconut? Coconut. Yeah. Coconut. There's a green coconut. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. That's what they, they, there's two coconuts on the outside of a coconut and you got a, and then you met the brown thing that we get at the store. And that's the coconut to us, but they just get a big

okay all right got you so it's an African watermelon technical terms and and he wants you know the funny thing is I understand him exactly when he says that I watched a lot of Nigerian television. So, and of course Kwame wants to know why Uncle Kujo was there. And he's like, I sure hope you didn't take any of that money he was offering you. And they're like, no, we didn't. And we get a pretty important revelation in this scene. He says, and I watched this twice to make sure I wasn't making this up. He goes, don't you know, he wouldn't worship the ghosts of our forefathers. But right worship the vultures of horror were the ghosts of their forefathers, vultures?

Do I have a question? And I don't want to be do Nigerians when they die. No, I'm going to stop you right there. Nope. Yeah, they don't just go to reality and stuff. Yes, it's Vulture, Human, Goat. It's a really weird plan. That's another rocket. That's the other thing.

Vulture, Goat, Spanking, Paddle, Keen. Yeah, the other thing. The other. Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2,

Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2,

Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, We finally get the, the hottie that mini LeBronis is, is married to, I've been missing her. Yes. Back to weird, somewhat porn for a woman. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

So the microphone in the sheets thing. Yeah. So yeah, he gets home to his wife and they talk for a minute about how they missed each other. She says, I miss you. I know. Like now you will say duh. And I wanted her to turn to Cameron for like golden

letters like like now you will say duh to appear across the screen. That's her catchphrase that they created for her in movies. I'm going to say that for now. Like now you will say duh. So yeah, he has to tell her all about all that Satan magic back in the village. And this is where he describes the attack, the leg thing, the rotten leg thing. And we saw the leg. It just it had Elmer's glue and then they peeled some of the glue, but not all of it back off. That's what they did.

But when he describes it, he's like, oh, and literally he's like, there are maggots coming out of it. Like there weren't maggots coming out of it. Like there weren't maggots coming out of it. If I, you're in Nigeria, you couldn't have found some maggots to throw on her leg if that's what you were going for. Come on people. I know you have maggots.

But and the wife. I'm really tired of you accusing people of that. I just want to say it here in the air where we come up here. And the wife, her response to this, when he talks about the maggots coming from her leg is what's this society turning into? what with the maggot election stuff like what the fuck I mean I don't it's not anyway can you mind as well have said kids these days? right right with their maggot legs and loud music.

I can't think that's like we did. It's wrong with Sammy K. That was a bye-bye birdie reference, everybody. Somebody's loving that. He's trying to go super-g-rated to balance out the episode. He's meeting your buddy, Heath. Balance out what? We didn't cut anything. There's no need to balance anything.

So and this is, this is very important. This is where we learned that Kujo suspects that Kwame and his family are the source of all the satanic magic that's destroying the village. That's going to be important in the next one. So now we got to go back to, okay, here's my line, Q. And I, I, I, seriously, I listened to this several times. This is the closest I can get. Coffee at a, goi, okay yourself. I already told you I'm no model. So we're cutting back to Quinn, the daughter, so that she can tell gay, Arsenio Hall that she doesn't want to be in a stupid beauty pageant.

Right. The dinosaurs. The cartoon dinosaurs. Yes. The cartoon dinosaurs from earlier who are now dressed for the 1940s, the year 2012 and eight million years in the future respectively. Yeah. And she and they're trying to talk her and adjoining this this beauty contest despite the fact that she has the least attractive young woman that we've seen in any of the scenes in this movie. But she isn't interested. She's going to take her blowpop and go home. Yeah. I feel like this beauty contest plot is about to pay off huge in part five. Maybe part eight, maybe part nine. We'll see. We'll find a are there.

I think there's only six. I'm very disappointed by that. So we'll send them $9 or $10. So they'll make a few more. So gay or Cineo Hall is not pleased with her telling him no. As a matter of fact, he says that he's not going to take no for an answer. So he's going to pageant, rape her. How do you not take no for an answer on a beauty cut? I don't get how you eat for I'm tapping an Andrew Andrews taped in for me for the rest of the episode of planning that goes into it

So yeah, and he says we need someone with beauty and charisma in this contest. And I'm like, beauty's debatable, but fucking charisma, charisma. Okay, do we, do we all agree with that means because she only yells at people in this movie. So then we cut to all the other beauty pageant girls and they're pissed because they heard coffee, who I guess is the gay or senior hall character, has been going around saying they're not good enough for this contest. And the girl in the middle of tits are smashed together so hard, they look like they got in a car crash.

They look like they should be like, tits on a highway, like scaring you. One tit is like, you got peanut butter in my chocolate. Yeah, exactly. So aren't we behind a billboard in Texas? Some ideas. They're getting back to us with equipped. So yeah. So, but and this scene is pointless for a scene in vultures of horror because they're all like, yeah, I heard he says we're not good enough. And he's trying to recruit Quinn to be in the contest. And the other girls like, oh, those are just rumors. Let's go back to looking at the iPad. I'm like, okay, that's the scene.

Yeah, but it is indecisive. At this point, I wrote in my notes, tell me what the words in this scene are. And I'll split my dick with a cowbell. Wait, what do you mean by split your dick and half with a cowbell? I don't know, man, make a plan vertically. I'm confused. No, vertically or horizontally is a great question. It's not exactly exactly like a lobster. Wait, now I'm confused. What did I mean by lobster?

Great question. We'll just leave that hanging in the air for the audience to figure out. So now we cut back to at chew, the guy that Steven Superman are about to vulture to death or whatever. And he's getting in the car with Rose with Superman's girlfriend. And that's when Superman shows up to kick some ass. Now, before we go into the details of this scene, I want to point out this guy houses in his disposal demon vultures.

That was an option. He could have gone demon vulture. That's the whole movie. You have to keep that in mind. But he instead chose this, right? So he comes up to the card to give, uh, at you some shit. I'm also at the point out Superman and at you are wearing matching shirts except one is in blue.

The other is in red. It's a very helpful, amazing. It looks like there are rivals in shirts except one is in blue. The other is in red. Yeah, it's a very helpful. Amazing. It looks like their rivals in like the douchebag Olympics. They're about to like challenge to something next up. Why are you talking about surfing loudly at the table? Next year. And again, just like we can never quite understand who's the good guy and who's the bad guy.

At you starts bragging about how much better he is than Superman because he can steal so much money, right? Is that what he says? He says, you're just taking chicken change from your master and the sitting. He goes, at least I have a master I could steal from. Yeah. What? Meaning,er geeky. I know because it's the other day's at you who has the master that he can steal from.

I don't. Yeah. Is he working for quam for Ku Joe? I have no fucking this movie really falls apart in this scene. Now I have no idea what's up. He punches him in the dick. Yeah. But but he David A.R. White punches him right. It's like all the way around like an orbit in the dick. Yes, absolutely. And then in the face.

Yeah. One and then the other. And he says to Superman, it's like, if you come near Rose again, I'll have you arrested and make sure you die in detention. Sorry. Hate to correct you. He actually says, I'll arrest you and make sure you die in detention. Sorry, hey to correct you. He actually says, I'll arrest you and make sure you die in prison.

Right, right. Question, and I don't want to be judged, is everyone in Nigeria a cop? Do they have mouths? Or is it just like if you bring a guy in? I can. Well, if you asked them, they have to tell you. It's...

I have to send back an email. I got their prints on the line. So yeah, so instead of using the Vulture magic, he just goes up there and gets his ass kick like Daniel LaRouso or whatever. And then after etch, you and Rose draws drive off, he asked, oh, once again, direct address the camera about how next time though gadget, he has to once again direct address the camera about how next time though gadget, he's going to get it. The bottle line is drone.

Indeed. Yeah. And that's it. Apparently that is that is the movie now. But the story continues. Don't worry everybody. Right. Right.

And so and also we get a couple of coming attractions before the credits. And I'm so excited. Yeah, the last two look amazing. Queen's gonna blow at someone. Kids are gonna choke. It looks like Kujo's gonna join up with the bad guys for a minute. I'm very confused about where the plot of these movies are going. And I don't think the people who made these movies know.

No, but there are some creepy kids fucking with, uh, Kwame at some point. Yeah, it looks like there's a lot of awesome shit to come. Uh, revenge of the vultures is definitely where they put all the money. And then we get the credits and I pointed this out every time we've done this, but I have to point it out again. In the credits, there are 55 people listed as drummers. 21 people listed as crew. Do they get more drummers every movie? I feel like they add five or six. Yeah, exactly.

This is just a drummer requirement project. So I guess to wrap things up, I suppose we should try to put this movie in perspective. So in terms of horrible shit that has happened to Africans, where do you think this movie ranks? I'm going to go with worth then letting white girls go on for an exchange trip there, but better than malaria. All right.

No, that's fair. That's fair. I'm going to say somewhere between a heart of darkness and hats off to Botswana, in terms of horrible portrayals about the rehearsal Elias, Tune Day is pretty halfway in between those two. I guess well, that does it for our review of Wicked Vultures too. That's not going to do it for the episode yet because we still need a coaxia back for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck?

The resurrection of Gavin Stone. Oh, we're going back to the theaters, aren't we? Oh, yes. Oh, really? The full Christian movie experience again. Right. Complete with no one else in the theaters, but us. Me and six old black ladies. Yeah.

So with Eli and six old black ladies to look forward to, we'll bring episode 76 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist and the skeptic ride available on iTunes,

Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off on movies at gmail.com. The theme song for this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slot, Neckelvival, Drafts on Mars. All the additional music was written and performed by Morgan Clark. If you'd like to hear more, you can follow the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us the chunk of your life this week. For Heath, then, right, Neil Lai Boston, The Goat Baby grew up to be a stand-up comedian. He was medium funny. Vulture number two went on to be Ben Kingsley.

Hem did take all time Moose Cat or no more. Catch you, face. That's what that was everybody. All right. That's all we need on that record. Hmm. Correct. I'm begging for it. Like it like it fucking matters.

That was going on there. All right, sorry. I got this. I got it. I got it. I got it. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2017 all rights reserved. The podcast was a production of Buzzline, a thunderstorm LLC,

Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.