God Awful Movies - 79: GAM079 Me Again

Episode Date: February 21, 2017

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Me Again, the story of a pastor spending time in the bodies of a teenage boy, an elderly African American, a gangster, a model, and a fish. But not in a fun way. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts

Right, he says, I realize they need to help her and then he takes out Twinkies and I'm like, Hey man, if you are in the body of an anorexic, eating a bunch of Twinkies is not helping. No. Do you hear that though? If David A.R. White was a food, I think he'd be Twinkies. He's like, he's yellow and undercooked at all moments. No, that's like a good representation of him. Creamy fill inside, he's just and undercooked at all moments. That's like a good representation of the deep inside. He's just really, really white.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I would bite him. I would bite him. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be That's that right, Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. You know who's a great actor? Who's that? David A.R. White. I think I like him now. I think I like him now. It's like an Iocane powder situation. It's like 27 who's now I didn't die.

Yeah. It's called myth or datasm. When you know words like myth or datasm, you have to use them quick when you can't. You can't. And sit. And sit. 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm doing pretty contrampanen

Or as or as a layman might call it fine Very cromulent of you to say so he tell us what will we be breaking down today? Logophile. We watched, we watched me again. It's the story of a pastor coming inside a wealthy businessman, a baby, a fish, delirious, and a teenage boy. But it's not as good as it sounds. So don't get too excited. I love that you left out his wife. You had everyone in there except for his wife. He also comes in his wife. You've, it's a Christian movie.

And he lie, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved, it's a wonderful life. And you have very similar tastes and porn to me. You will love this movie. This movie is so almost all the porn I watch. Almost almost. Yeah. Yeah. They keeps. It's all the opening scenes. Mm. Yeah. And of course, this was yet another chance to hang out with our good buddy, David A. Air White. So for those of you who express concern that we might one day run

out of movies, try to do this every week. We're a year and a half in and we still haven't even knocked out David A.R. White's filmography. Are we even close? And we were like more than halfway there, I think a lot of TV movies we'd have to do to get all of it. So for the newer listeners who are unfamiliar with David A.R. White's incredible range as an actor, I thought we could go back through all of his movies that we've done. This is the eleventh, by the way. This one is, and maybe you guys could offer the newer listeners like a quick summary of Davies character in that movie, all right? All right. All right. So in order of the movies being made, we'll start with second glance. Okay. That was pale, friendless virgin, the movie, right? Yes, and he plays

pale friendless virgin. Yeah, the bottom is scarier. And holy man undercover, the only omnis member of a boy band. It was two roles, though. He had another role in there too. That's true, that's true. All right, smaller role here. How about the encounter? Didn't watch that one. And I refused to look it up. All right, another minor role for him. How about redeemed? I don't remember. I saw it on the snowmography. I was like, fuck, was he in redeemed? That movie. That was the one about the guy who he's probably the

bad guy. I can probably yeah. All right, how about when we pay a little more prominent in this one. How about the encounter paradise lost? Okay, that's the one where he's the DE agent who goes to Thailand and learns from Jesus Christ of Nazareth in a hotel lobby to stop hating drug dealers so much. So much of that, right? No, let's nailed it. And how about brother White?

Man's burden. All right, the first of his trilogy here, how about Revelation Road, the beginning of the end. Okay, this is direct from the description. Please, please, amidst for boating, lighting, sick, and tremors, a traveling salesman with a dark past must fight demons both his own and a murderous biker gang in his quest to complete his last sale and go home. Demons demons, including a biker. Anyway, yeah, okay. And of course, Revelation road to the sea of glass and fire.

Jason born again. Again, yeah, exactly. How about his prime is most famous work. God's not dead. That's one of his the pastor who really wants to go to Disneyland with his African friend. That's it. Yeah. How about Revelation road? They, they, they, they fucked the title up on this so bad. It's the third one, but it's just called revelation road, the black rider. Jack reach your rounds are forbidden. And finally, God's not dead too. Uh, Pastor who really, really wants to get Disneyland was African friend nailed it. Yeah.

Awesome. All right. So now that we've got everybody caught up on David A. R. White, I guess I can simply ask if there's anything you guys want to nominate this for being the best of being the worst at. I'm going to say best worst, starting the YouTube file with 30 seconds of crazy loud dub stuff. Did you guys have the same copy? Yes, I did.

I wanted to find someone ordering bottle service and punch them in the face. It was rough. That was not the most crazy thing about this particular YouTube rendition. We'll get to it. Best worst at making me come because it can't almost, right? Okay. You're in the body of an old black woman and you know where to find your daughter, but you don't do it.

That's fine. We'll get to it a lot. We'll get to it a lot. Yeah. Exactly. All right. I'm going to go with best worst subtle homage. All right, you know how sometimes in a movie when they know they're kind of ripping off

another old movie, they'll like have somebody watching that old movie on TV or whatever to say like, hey, we know they do that in this movie too. I'm not going to give it away yet, but it was one of the most spectacular childish moments I've ever seen in a Christian movie. And I love love it so goddamn much. Oh yes. Obviously we're all excited to cross off another item from the David A.R. White filmography, so we'll keep the break. Breathom when we come back, we'll relive the, how can it be so long and still only 90 minutes

in Nigma? That is me again. Hey God. Gabriel, what is it? Yeah, so you know that atheist podcaster, we moved to a bunch of different bodies to teach them the meaning of life. Yeah, Eli something that you wish got you. Yeah, yeah, well, he didn't he didn't learn the meaning of life. Really? That usually does the trick. Who's body to just send them into? We did a hot model his daughter's boyfriend and an old black lady. Huh. I mean, that's that's all pretty pretty standard playbook stuff

I so okay. What went wrong? Well, maybe you should just read the report. It's sure. Oh, hey, here. That's not great. Let's see. Oh Sure, oh, hit it here. That's not great. Let's see. Oh. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's fucking horrible sending back, sending back to his body right now. Jesus.

Eli, buddy, wake up. You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. I had the crazy, crazy dream. Guys, guys, you gotta see what this old black lady did on TV It's a cool me cool. Yeah coming right now Frank war oh Right on the hood of the car

And we're back for the breakdown and just so you can get some early use out of your Christian movie, Bingo card. We're going to start off with David A.R. White at the pulpit and apologizing to the congregation about something that may have just been a dream. Get three spots to start this fucking movie. I just want to say I've given this look. I don't know if what was happened was real, but I'm sorry if it was a bunch of times amateur hour. That's all I'm sorry if it was a bunch of times amateur hour.

That's all I'm saying. It's not doing it right. Also, if you're opening line is I'm not sure if it matters if my experience really happened or was a dream, I feel like that's proof you shouldn't be allowed to do your own thinking. Mm-hmm. Or own a gun. Not promising. Also, David A.R. White, not fucking this entire congregation, so they don't have to hear

about his dreams. Checkmate. Well, listen to someone's dreams if you're not fucking him. We also get some very disappointing opening credits here. We get, uh, Ali Landry, that's former Miss America and AC Slater's wife for a day. Um, we got Tommy Blaze. I already hate you. It's a terrible fucking name. And we get Bruce McGill. Yeah. That's sheriff Farley from my cousin video. It's Jack Dalton from McGiver. He's like a real actor. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. That's, that's pretty fucking

Delaries. Yeah. She's already ruined. But yeah, I saw her name come across to. Yeah. Bruce, what was going on, man? Like were you at a bed in breakfast for a weekend and you ran into David A.R. White, you didn't have a polite way to say no. He was just like, no, no, no, don't finish your blueberry pancakes. It's two quick scenes, $10,000. And she was just like, it would pay for the vacation. And he was like, sure, I mean, who's going to know? We know we're going to know Bruce.

We know. Yeah. So basically he's saying like, you know, I have to apologize to everybody. But I guess if I really wanted you to understand, I'd have to tell you this whole movie, whole movie, so now we get this narrated flashback of his childhood where he explains that he met and fell in love with his wife at age five. That's disturbing. I did appreciate however that this kid does look an awful lot like David R. White. It's even got the backstreet boy hair.

I just wanted to throw it. No, they did a great job. He couldn't speak at all. I mean, we don't learn that really until we come back to this late in the movie, but he doesn't understand the English language in any way. So yeah, no, he was a good analog and nonverbal. If he's put the narrator says with women, there's always a catch. Like sometimes they're five.

I guess the catch. And that is true. Predator. To refer some than others. Yeah. So his five year old girlfriend proposes to a minute tea party. And then we cut to the modern day, he's still bitching in voice over about this. And of course, this is the bill problem scene and the meeting of family in a kitchen scene. So bingo already,

that's five. Yeah. Man, we really got that out of the way. But he's like the way to show that he's not having a good time is that his kids are just throwing Cheerios at his face. Yeah. And like, look, kids and bills like it, but you don't have to let your kids throw food that he's not having a good time is that his kids are just throwing Cheerios at his face. Yeah. And like, look, kids and bills like it, but you don't have to let your kids throw food if you do this. Yeah. Not that you can tell them to cut it out.

He's also using a calculator in this scene, like a physical, like old school, who uses a calculator at this point? What was he even adding there? Like you're checking the math on your bank website, but then do you check the calculator with an abacus after that? What how many layers? It's I use the calculator. It's easier than a touch screen on the water bed. Anyway, so his his vio continues to whine about white people problems. Well, he washes the car and this is where we meet the hoodlum that's fucking his daughter. Oh, this young buck. Yeah, Zach Efron pulls up while he's washing his mini van. He's pretty pissed about it. Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to point out that

this is we've done several movies in the last few weeks where like the guy and the girl just don't match and hotness at all. Like this, this kid is, is pretty hot. And the daughter that he's dating, not so much. Oh, I liked the daughter. I disagree. Disagree. Still had a little bit of baby fat on her. Nice. Wow, this is getting uncomfortable. So, no, it's fine.

The actress is 14. Excuse me for respecting our listeners in Kentucky. Send me pictures of your child brides. Just spoiler. This plot thread continues a little bit. Like I won't say how, but they address the thought that David R. White just had, which is clear like, man, I wish I could fuck my teenage daughter. In my Camaro.

Yeah. He pulls up in this Camaro and we're very clearly supposed to be like, oh, Camaro. And it's like, oh, really got some sales jewelry for him. That's fucking Camaro. It does have a, a sales pair of handcuffs hanging off the rear view mirror there. So yeah, there was a, and then of course they actually like play this out with like a, like an old West stair down. Yeah, he's got the I'm so going to fuck your daughter look on his face. Really want to like a giant piece of tumbleweed to smash into one of them. Just blast him out of the frame. It gets caught around his face. He's like,

oh, oh, get it off. It's around my whole out. I don't know. Just someone raping a robot in the background. That's a, that's a Westworld reference, but I understand why everyone on this call just assumes I would say those. Yeah, right. And okay, so now we cut to him at the work in at the Christ community church where he's the pastor and the voiceover is still going at this point. So we've apparently established that he's got a miserable life because he's got three healthy children, a home, a car, a job poor guy, but he doesn't like them. No, he wanted a better wife and car. Oh, and he's married to a former Miss America too.

Yeah. But I guess she wants a separation. They're not going to say the D word at this point, but she wants a separation because he's such a whiny loser. And this is the scene where he's like in his office pissing and moaning and doing all the hungover behaviors because I think the people who wrote this movie think that like people who are sad need like Alka Celtser and they don't understand that those are indications in another movie of hard drinking because we never see him drink. He just really needs Alka Celtser. Right.

So his buddy comes in and he's like, here, I have some Kalamari, which is totally delicious. Delicious. Absolutely. For breakfast. For breakfast. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, he says to his buddy, he goes, I don't know man, I've been preaching every day, year after year and nothing's changed. And I wrote, what did he want to change? You want like a Muslim week where everyone came in and a job. Bible.

The gig, man, that was an update like windows. It's going to be. Yes. Just for two thousand years, bro. But basically the messages he's saying to his, his, his friend, I'm really bad at my job and his friends like, yeah, no, you suck at it. So, uh, eat your calamari and go preach to people. And this is, by the way, the best performance in any movie, David will ever give is when

he's like, I'm a loser and I don't, I feel like I could have been better or and I just fucking suck. You're like, cotton, he's like, no, keep rolling. I need to get it out. When he turns to his buddy and he goes, do you ever wish you were someone else? It's just like, yeah, that is the most believable line delivery in his career. Exactly. Yeah. So and then his buddy leaves and this is where we meet Bill and Maggie. They come in with their baby and I guess Bill, the husband is pissed off at the baby for not getting a job. He didn't know the baby was going to cost that much. And

he's like, fucking, you always take the babies and it's supposed to be comedy, but like a guy who's mad at his baby isn't fucking funny. No, he's just like mad at his wife for the existence of their baby. And David our white again, in comedy is supposed to be like, well, I don't know what to tell you. Baby is his baby does suck it. Boom. David out and then he passes out and shits himself. But you see this adorable little baby being like, oh, I'm getting shook. I am getting shook. She's going to do a paint night and I am going to bounce the inside of my brain across

the front of my soft skull like a goddamn basketball. Like I'm playing ping pong with myself. And look, I mean, and again, this is played as a comedy beat. And it's this couple that goes seeking a marital advice from an untrained divorce pastor and Teehee, he has nothing useful to tell them. You've just like basically taken all of the air out of your religion with a comedy beat. Yeah. We get some of the money back that we've been giving you this whole time for our kids. No, no, no refunds. And now it's time for our, maybe if I fuck it in a few years.

Oh, God. What they don't do that. No, I'm just, I'm so glad you gave us a few years. Just scratch the shaking the baby to death. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Let's not go overboard. Imagine wet maracas. Oh, God.

We'll never get back to the scene. So now, wait we can do them. You have to answer that. Yeah, to really pull that up. So, but you know, I'm afraid Donald Trump is going to hear that and say, see, that's why I'm building the wall. So now we get our 1100th bad pastor pasting badly seen, where they have to pretend that you can fuck up

standing there and lying to people about shit. Yeah, and he's delivering the sermon like his mom like just forced him to do it as a punishment. Like he was like, I'll give the sermon, nah, fine. And he just screams the story of the prodigal son like a homeless person. Yeah.

I wanted him so badly to end it with, cause he ends it with life is unfair. Get used to it or whatever that about covers it. And I wanted him to just take out a t-shirt gun and shoot himself under the chin and open a wet opening arguments t-shirt just this is also where we first meet the ex wife who's like there at the church, really embarrassed that he exists or whatever. And this is the first time we see how incredibly crazy hot she is. That'll be basically the only thing that makes me like gets me through this movie.

She has dropped dead gorgeous. And he looks like Zach Morris got devolved by Bowser. So now we cut to late that night. He's watching television. Now this is my favorite homage of all time because the whole plot of this movie is lifted directly from quantum leap. So he's watching quantum leap on TV, but they couldn't afford to use an audio clip from quantum leap.

So they present the two voices like a child playing with two army men where he's going, Sam, how come I haven't left yet? I'm working on that other character. Okay. We'll be back to Quantum Leap in just a minute. That's what we actually get. It's amazing. Also, he's looking at the vacation brochure that he was looking at in the flashback where the kids were throwing Cheerios at him. So we're supposed to just assume that he either a keeps this brochure in perfect condition for all time, or they send him that brochure like once a week. They're just like, he just still here. We ever want to go who looks at physical travel brochures? What year it's 2012, right? Yeah. No, and Lucinda, no one Lucinda. That's it. We don't do that. They take them out

of a file effect. What about this one? Oh, you go Slavya, that seems nice to send you. Bring up the microfeesh of all the different beaches. I don't take vacations. Anyway. So yeah, and also on the TV that we get Andrea Logan White doing the perfume ad. I saw it all. Yeah's just just the record. David airway is supposed to be getting tempted away from Ali Landry, Miss USA by Andrea Logan White, his actual wife, like definitely she'd like in her writer or something. Yeah. No, a tremendous amount of this movie was written by her walking in the room, just as

David, her white goes, and we're going to need a model and she walks in and he's like, which will obviously be obviously. And everyone else in the room was like, Dave, and he was like, no, not now, not there is an enormous amount of this movie that is devoted to how thin his wife is thin and beautiful his wife. Nobody can mention it at all without talking about how hot she is, but yeah, but very specifically she's crazy. Thin in this movie, they always show her in baggy clothes, I guess, so that that won't

be really obviously silly. And then after her commercial for the perfume comes on, we see an infomercial where big Earl wants to offer him a new life, but he turns it off, but it comes back on, but then he turns it off again and it stays off this time. The magic overrides the remote control once. What? That's how it gets. Yeah.

Just yelling at an angel seriously. Can we get it back on? No, man, I am completely out of juice here. Maybe if someone would fucking pray once in a while, I am just I am out of the, also by the way, big Earl, anagrams to Gabriel. Yes. I saw that on the single trivia thing. Super clever thing that they do.

You'll see. Hey, I got to say from the people that brought us Mr. Deville, I think that's pretty goddamn clever. I'll give them that one. Downright fucking shake spirit. So now the families haven't dinner and Italian restaurant. I say the family. It's just dad and the kids and his children absolutely hate him and are humiliated by his existence. So he's a method actor. Yeah. The point of this scene

is supposed to be like, uh, things aren't going too well at home, but it's about as subtle as a dick pic to a stranger. Yeah. Cause he's like, so how's school in his son's like, how come you always ask me about school, fuck face? Yeah. We cut the mundane chit chat dad. Let's get real. I'm 10. Let's talk about this. It's a really weird exchange.

Yeah. And then this is also like a, his daughter's tax thing. And he's like, hey, Briar, you want to talk to you like, fuck you, you name me Briar, I will never forgive you. She's coming to jump into your boyfriend's body and fuck the shit out of you. What never mind? You're right. You're my later spoiler. I'm gonna go get triple teams in college by Chad Brock and Tanner So yeah, so nobody's happy with dinner especially since they're feeding him type in Mongoose sauce or something what the hell

I have no idea what this was supposed to be. So first of all, spoiler alert, these characters will only eat at this restaurant. These characters inhabit a terrifying HP Lovecraft universe where they can only eat Italian food. There's just like wet marinara sauce leaking bloody between the cracks and the fucking ceiling for these characters. But this is the first time they're eating there.

And the kids don't like the food and the friend character comes over and he goes, oh, that's tripe and mongoose marinade. And the kids are like, ew, but why, why you got to punk the kids? Yeah, the kids, they're clearly trying to get that family to stop coming to that fucking restaurant. Yeah, we put some goddamn stomach lining in your kids fucking plate. And you're still coming back. What the hell is wrong with you? You said we can eat for free. Jesus. All right, you know what? Next week, I'm just gonna shit in your food.

Yeah, no, we could this is this is the dishwasher we call a Mongoose. So they leave there They pull up at mom's house and all the kids storm off hatefully and his son doesn't even want to go to the game place he likes to go to with him because he hates him so much. And I feel like David our white couldn't think of David Busters or whatever the Christian version of that is because he was like, do you want to go to the video game locations? No I feel like you're an alien in a person body. That's fair. It's a fair criticism. I guess that a lot of my sentence. And he's like the terrible divorce dad or separated dad at this point trying to get

like information out of the kid now to he's like, so like does mommy hang out with a lot of like, how would you describe the skin color of the people on the hands that was now? Dark dark like meat like hands up. Don't shoot like which of these paint chips? Bert Sienna. Yeah. So he's like asking. He's like, so where's where's your mom at?

And luckily for him, she's cleaning out the garage to make it into an art studio. And by the way, this is not a Christian movie trope. Specifically, this is just a movie trope. Movies don't have anything for mothers to make rooms into other than studios. They can't think of any other use a mom would have for a room or a studio photography studio, something like that. Anyway, so and then of course, and like, so he goes to confront his wife and this is where we get the whole, you can't finish anything. Why look at that playhouse that you'll finish and act three that you never finished for the children.

And he's like, so would you say our entire marriage is fixed if I build that and she made it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Couple of nails and some plywood and I am yours. She also says here that they're roommates. And I just want to point out this isn't just in movies. This is just generally true. Rumace is code for not the right kind of fucking David or white doesn't get that in, but just if you ever hear it, someone means not the right kind of.

I want you to put stuff in their butt or put stuff in your butt. Ask them. I've been advised to cut in here and say that you want to be very specific and assuming that people want you to put stuff up their butt. You want to make sure you get some, like that, some do. It's important. Correct. Especially if you're sharing a room at reason, Con, I don't want to get into this. There's your drugs. Well, with birth, you at reason, cow. There's going to be so little lime disease there. So and then we closed this scene off like she's painting a picture of the family

But she left the part where he was just blank It's like why am I not in the pictures because you don't want to be in the picture Like you know is mad at me and I just wasn't an episode of like him know is mad at me and I just wasn't an episode of yeah, I just didn't think you really wanted to contribute to the show anymore. Yeah, he thought a lot to say. He's and doesn't put stuff in people's butts without asking. So late that night, he's watching TV again again and they give you the perfume commercial joke again, in case you didn't get it the first time.

The perfume is called obnoxious. Yeah. And then big girls commercial comes on and he turns it off and he goes, he sure is persistent. And I'm like, no, he has a commercial. McDonald's isn't real persistent. They have commercials. Do you think the TV is talking to you? And why wouldn't you think Andrea Logan White was also persistent with her perfume?

I mean, it's as the same shit every time anyway. Yeah. So he turns the TV off again. It comes back on, but again, only once. And so he calls up Tony and he says, hey, man, bring some DVDs to cheer me up. And it's not the right kind of DVDs to cheer a person up that he brings. I'm just going to go ahead and give you that spoiler. We won't find out until months later. But I have never, maybe this is just me, I have never called a fellow grown man and been like, Hey,

man, come bring things to my home and cheer me up without that being code for let's have sex to porn. Right. Well, that's the thing people do. I mean, I feel like that. I felt like that's where it was going and maybe that's where Tony thought it was going, but we'll get to it because we don't actually wrap that up until the very end of the movie. So he wanders because apparently they're going to watch TV in the church. So he wanders down to the pews, uh, amid, like super creepy music, crazy murder

music when he walks like, like Halloween, Jason, weird. Yeah. I don't know why. And there's also a giant spotlight that they keep on the cross. Is that a normal thing in churches? I got black. Like the Hanukkah candles burns your house. Wait, what? And so he sits down in the pews, do they, they don't burn any, that's a fire hazard. You never let Hanukkah candles go out. That's the miracle. Oh, is that it?

No, you know, so if they all go out, what happens? Judaism and I mean, I'm not saying our Jewish listeners so much right now. Should I explain? Because Hanukkah was the original king of Israel. Do you guys all just like disappear like back to the future when the last one goes out? What happened? Oh, yes, if you ever see a candle flicker near me, I start to find out Do you guys all just like disappear like back to the future when the last one goes out what happens? Oh, yes. If you ever see a candle flicker near me, I start to find out of any photographs that existed me.

All right. I demand evidence, but at any rate. So yeah, David air when we last left David airway, he was in a pew praying about what a loser he is. And, and just crushing it. Yes, yes, yes. David R. White is not a good actor. It's just a man talking. It's real rough.

It's real rough. It's not a fun watch people. No. Yeah. It's just like, I want you to help me be the better me that I could be in, in a premise that'll fill about 60 pages for this part. Stupid. Yeah. So David A. R. White relives his career choices into the camera for a little while. And then he praised a God that he could be anybody except him. And then

we get magic creepy miracle noises. And then he wakes up or does he to a knock on the door at the church because I guess he fell asleep sitting in a pew. Right. And he turns around and behind the door, there is very clearly a giant light and he goes Tony and I go, is Tony a giant light? Right. So he walks up to the door, he opens it giant blinding white light and then he wakes up in a different body to Delarice calling him Mr. Bastion.

Yeah, yeah, Bradford premise that apparently God was like racist quantum leap. Cool. There you go. Delarice is your maid. Yeah. There's something racist. He just wanted to take a shitness food at some point. Also, Delarice looks fucking insane in this movie. Delarice appears to be wearing Donald Trump's toupee, but just like over her hair, like she showed up on the first day

shooting and they were like, Delar, what's with them? She was like, touch it again and I'll stab you in the fucking throat. And they were like,, right? That's what Delarice looks like in this movie. I guess so. So nobody moved too quickly around Delarice. So then he gets, he has the whole moment like the, the I woke up is a different person and I don't know how to handle it moment. So he runs into the bathroom and he's looking in the mirror and in the mirror, he can see what he looks like to everybody else for 11 and a

half minutes. Seriously, this mirror scene, first of all, they do it wrong. They never show him looking in a mirror with the old guy looking out. They just show him and then the old guy staring straight into the camera and then him and then the old guy, but they do it for an infinite amount of time. It's amazing. It's like me trying to figure out this shot with an iPhone just like, ah, selfie mode, not selfie mode.

A selfie mode. Right. And I want to point out that the end result of that is that you don't see like David Arwhite waving his hand as the old guy waves his hand. You see David Arwhite waving his hand and then you see the old guy doing something else and they keep going back and forth like if they go fast enough, you'll be seeing them at the same time. He's like, they are both wearing red pajamas. Well, that's true.

He's kind of, it's kind of like he's fighting himself in the mirror like a dog who doesn't get how that works. He's like, doesn't know what to do. I would have watched a lot more of that instead of the rest of this room. Well, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. It's all relative. It's all relative.

So and Dell is freaking out because he's freaking out. So she calls the doctor, but he runs outside to get in his limo because he's rich. Yeah. Jumping into limo is to escape the black person chasing you day in a life. You know, so he jumps in the limo and the limo driver drives off in a hurry. The limo driver is standing outside, holding his door when Delaris runs out, saying, but Mr. Best, and I got to give you your heart pills and the limo drivers like, fuck, let's go. Let's go. Is he in the will? Yeah. Luckily, I'm named in the life

insurance. Yeah. So and of course, Tony, the guy who owns the restaurant, the buddy that brought Colomari to our hero, he's in the limo too. So part of his job is picking Tony up in his limo. And hey, spoiler alert, every fucking time David A.R. White jumps bodies in this goddamn movie, he will have the exact same conversation with everyone. He will never realize he has changed bodies. He will never understand how to explain himself to anybody. He will have this identical fucking conversation.

So if you like this, this is your idea, comedy. Guess what? You got like 85 more versions of this. And it's random because sometimes he seems to know he's in the body and then other times he doesn't. And yeah, and just to just to keep you a guess. And they also sort of randomly show either him or the other character that he's supposed to be just, you know, it's not like in quantum leap where it's always Scott Bacula and

Lessie's looking in a mirror or something. They just randomly do it in this movie just to try to keep you off kilter, I guess. And sometimes it's his voice. Sometimes it's their voice. Right. Who the fuck knows? Yeah. And also, why wouldn't he just explain to Tony what was going on?

He does eventually. But yeah, but first he has to have a heart attack and die. Right. He has a heart attack and dies. And that makes him jump into a different body. But not before Tony shoves a heart pill is down his throat. Hard attack pills. Bypass pills. Oh, yes. What do we do in a triple here? Three pills.

You're going to roll was that go in? Yeah, he starts having the heart attack and they pull the limo over to the side of the road. That is not the correct response to a horn. Drive to the hot, what's happening? Haven't jumped out to 20 pushups, that'll help. So, I told them to walk it off. And okay, so yeah, so this guy dies, and then he quantum leaps into a models body, a lady model who, you know, like models do,

sleeps in a high-heeled shoes on her couch. So we can have the funny falling down in a skirt moment. Oh, and this apartment, by the way, is just a series of what Andrea Logan White thought were glamour shots is just a bunch of like blown up versions of her headshot poster size that they got in the least expensive frames they could find at Michael's it's real. And this is where we start with the my wife is so thin. Thread of the movie. He wakes up and he's going, Oh, I'm so hungry because I'm a model. So let me go find some food. But instead, all he can find are these little post it notes that she's placed everywhere about what a horrible

person she is. She's got hundreds of post that notes that are like note to self. Go fuck your friend. I want it so bad for those to turn out to be like the notes her mom leaves. We're just assuming this was her. Yeah. And again, what years is you can easily do this paper list at this point? Right. Like Siri and Amazon, Akobia, and like, you're the worst. Would you like to hear why you're the worst? Oh, yeah. So of course, as she's looking for food, she's looking for food, she gets a call from her agent telling her not to be late to the photo shoot. And then he calls Tony because he has to explain the plot to Tony again. We're going to do this for the second time in the last five minutes. But of course he has a lady

voice. So he has to convince Tony that he's his best friend by telling him about the time they shove frogs and some kids pants. I feel like that kids traumatized. He's just sitting at some point in this movie going like, Oh, but God intervenes in his life. That's great. That's good. Or that kids really into frogs now. One of those kids is on this call. I'm not saying it. Good people. So yeah, he, so he goes to meet with Tony in Andrea Logan white's body. Thanks. I'm glad that caught up with you. Um, and, uh, and, and of course, he, the opening line of this scene is Tony looking at him

going, you do realize you look like a beautiful woman. And I'm just like, I bet Andrea wrote, wrote beautiful in there with a red pen. Like I bet that's not how the line was originally written. She just interrupts them. I'm so sorry guys. Beautiful woman. Not woman. Beautiful woman. It's in my right. So, and yeah, so it's so funny, because Tony wants to fuck David air a white as a lady. Yeah, you want to fuck your body in a woman's body? I think we've all been there.

We've all been there. But you still have to ask permission. Yeah, exactly. It's the whole thing. So, and Tony's trying to help him figure out what's going on. So he's got a stack of movies, I guess, that he's like rooting out the plots of these various movies. So he's like, have you had a recent encounter with a genie or a leprechaun?

And then he's like, no. And he like throws away a pile of DVDs. They don't watch the DVDs. He just brought a whole bunch of them to put them in piles and then sweep them off the desk. Right. He was going to narrow it down like via a series of questions, like 20 questions. Yeah.

No, it makes perfect sense. Yeah. There's one of like yarn and push pins and a glass wall with equations on it. We got this. We got this. So yeah, I'm going'll go right in my window and chuck. And so now David A. R. White has to explain act of one of this movie at length to his buddy. We get the whole explanation here. They don't just like cut ahead to him

having explained it or anything. And that's when Tony figured out the real problem is he prayed to be someone different. It was Jesus magic. Oh, which means the answer to his situation is the movie. It's a wonderful life. That's the only movie about Jesus magic or divine invention. Yeah, clearly. I just wanted him to be like, yeah, but you don't know the question yet. You have to build another computer. Yeah. And then this has my favorite day of the day are a white line of all time. At the end of the scene, he goes, because he's like, oh, this must be Jesus who did this

because you prayed, he's like, I'm a man of God. I don't believe in magic or fantasy. And I'm like, oh, you're stupid. And Noah wrote, should I tell him? And I wrote, should Noah tell him? Yeah. Also, I, this movie has nothing And Noah wrote, should I tell him and I wrote should know a tell it? Also, this movie has nothing to do with it's a wonderful life. Quantum leap, yes, kind of.

It's a, how does that? Why does that factor in? How does, okay, anyway, no, no, there's no way. All right. As long as we're all agreed on that. And of course, his ex wife, we go back to the ex wife in the kitchen and she also stares at the identical beach print out longingly from time to time as we see the whole size magazine about this

one beach. They're mutual life goal is to go to sandals. Right. That's the saddest thing about this movie. Anyway, yes. So she, she longs to go to the beach and sadly moves dishes around it. We're done with her now. Meanwhile, back at the model's house, he brought groceries and eats a budget twinkies. Right. He says, I realized they need to help her. And then he takes out twinkies. And I'm like, Hey, man, if you are in the body of an anorexic eating a bunch of Twinkies is not helping. No. Do you hear that though?

If David A.R. White was a food, I think he'd be Twinkies. He's like, he's yellow and undercooked at all moments. No, it's like a good representation of cream filled inside. He's just really, really white. Yeah. Exactly, exactly. I would bite him. So well, he's eating the dwenkeys. He gets a call from his agent.

And he's he's supposed to be at the shoot, damn it. So and this is, I think the whole point of this fucking movie was this David A.R. White and drag montage. He can't figure out how to dress like a lady. Silly. Amazing. I feel like his wife was just clearly got tired of him doing this in real life. I was like, make a fucking movie about it then. You keep stretching my shit out. It's like, fine.

We'll dress like a lady. You'll do it too. Whatever. Right. We have 75 minutes of footage. Like, let's just do it. Stop hiring camera and sound people. So you always say we're going to fuck afterwards, but then you're all coming.

So now he gets to the photoshoot, but he still can't walk on heels and his makeup is all funky. Yeah, his makeup is all funky. Yeah, his makeup is like the joke. I don't know how to do makeup, but I wouldn't be like, pretty baby gets lip pick on the chin. It's like the Joker became a prostitute later in life. Yeah, exactly.

I bet he fledger looked like that when they found him. Too soon. So yes, I don't think it's been. And and so, okay. So they take him in the back to do his makeup, which is, you know, like yeah, they do that at the shoot. So you're fun fact about modeling. I mean, not a modeling pro here,

but they, they do your makeup for you and usually give you the clothes to wear. They're not just like, yeah, we're a hat. So and of course, we also have to learn here that, you know, he's starting to feel dizzy because he's in her body and she's a drug addict because she's a model. Yeah, the age it comes in, it gives him like a grocery bag of cocaine, apparently all models need before they have their picture taken. Clearly.

Also, and then this is one of those like have you not figured it like look this character has dressed up as a woman and at least attempted to put on makeup we have clearly established he knows he's a lady now, but then he calls his wife's house to talk to his wife as him. Yeah, why again, yeah, he just randomly forgets like the plot of the movie. I can see his work. It's fucking nuts Yeah, but I guess this was just a sloppy way to move the the story over to the mom for a little while Because you know they have to have her like Bitch into the daughter about how dad always breaks his promises. Yeah. Yeah, she's basically like, he promised me who pencil dick. I mean, dad, dad. She's like, honey, I'm sorry. And she's like, I'm gonna fuck calling so hard.

What? Nothing. So now we cut back to the photo shoot proper. And we get some more great him being a lady comedy during the photo shoot. Now, the key comedically in a story like this is you put people in situations where you're like, Oh, wow, you'd need some specialized knowledge for this. And you wouldn't have the specialized knowledge. That ought to be funny. But like knowing that you don't like, he seems to think the camera is attacking him or that it's going to eat him, like not knowing how to take, get your picture, take it. It would be funny. Like you could make this funny. If you had a funny person doing it, if Eli did this bit, it would be fucking hilarious. But he's just like holding his

hands in front of his face. Yeah. He's like a vampire in the camera. He's like a vampire in the camera. He's also, they let him in because he's newvo garbage toxic word salad word salad. Yeah, that's it. Postmodern newvo in viral garbage toxic greenhouse. I'm sorry. Heroin chic raw postmodern newvo when viral garbage toxic green.

That is a fun tab on porn hub. Just saying. Mostly me. Yes. So of course, but, but like he gets it accidentally gets it right because she's so unorthodox and the photographer loves it. And then because she's afraid of the camera and it's attacking her with light flashes, she has a heart attack, a drug attack.

She dies of a drug attack. I do believe a drug attack and dies. And the photographer is like, oh, man, if she's and they're like, is she dead? And she's like, if she is, these pictures will be worth a fortune. And I was like, wow, gross. But also I'm going to need some copies of those pictures. I'm very specific. Tastes.

So you record a clip YouTube. I'm just. Yes. Yes, not. I'm not going to tell you. So now he, he, he leaps away again. And this time he comes back as a fish. He's a fish at the Italian restaurant. Best performance in the movie is this fish. It really is though. You can buy the whole time that this fish is very concerned about his family. Yeah. More so than you can from David Ayer White.

And you remember the part and it's a wonderful life when Jimmy Stewart's a fish. Yeah, it's just like that. It's clever. Okay, so now he is a fish looking at his family, having a conversation because apparently the fish can hear the conversation outside of the aquarium or whatever. And he says, oh, man, I'm a fish. Boy, there's just to be a fish. And then he starts trying to call out to his wife and his daughter. Again, like, he just, he's like, I'm right here.

I'm your dad. It's me. It's me. Don't you recognize me? It's like, no, man, you're a fucking fish. Yeah, you know that you're the one who told us. Anyway, yeah. And of course, the conversation that the kids are having are,

we sure miss daddy. So it's not that they don't like that. They just hate everybody. These kids are just little shit. They just don't like anyone they're in the presence of. And this conversation with her children makes mom wanna push him harder? Oh, dude, there are so many damaging messages about relationships just tied up in this

one little bit where the kids are like, you know, why is taking time apart good for a relationship? And the mom's just like, oh, I have no answer for that because I'm, it's a Christian movie and I'm not allowed to say any of the many good answers to that. And then she's like, well, I just had to push your father. And now it's time to get a little rough with him. I'm like, hell's yeah. All right. Yeah. But I get it. It's about breathing. Forget that stuff. We said about butts at the beginning of the show. Listen to me, Miss America for. Get it. And now we, okay. So he jumps out of the fish. And now he quantum leaps into a baby.

Okay. Now I want to say at this point, the little girl like knocks on the fish tank and he was like, no, don't do that, don't do that. And I thought the fish died because the old guy died and then the model died and then the fish died. When he jumped in the baby, I was like, holy fucking shit. Is this baby gonna die? Right. And they sell it like that's what's gonna happen. Bill is so gonna hit that child, right? This is Bill and Maggie from the exposition and he's their baby and like he's crying in the middle of the night and

basically like the dad comes in and is like, can I just beat it until it's unconscious? And I was like, no, don't beat it until it's unconscious. I watched this entire scene being like, oh no, dead baby, dead baby scene. Don't do it, David. But dad wanders off to go to bed and mom feeds him. We all have a breastfeeding note in our notes. I'm assuming here. Yeah, but she pulls out a bottle. It's a fucking tease.

Well, is this the second movie that we've seen David A.R. White breastfeeding as a grown man, or at least that was implied? Yeah, it's a mid-imply. We haven't seen it yet. He's saving that for God's not dead three clearly. But it's the second movie we've reviewed. It's not the second movie we've watched. That is a very interesting tab on porn hub. So, oh, also, at the very end of this, he's like, I'm starting to learn my lesson because we're 38 minutes into the movie or whatever. And the lesson that he has learned here is, huh, it turns out that babies are people too.

What? Do people usually hate babies and need that lesson? Did Jimmy Stewart hate babies? I'm sure he did. I'm sure in real life. No idea. Yeah. I feel like the last two quantum leaps could have been doubled up with like a Susan Smith

baby situation. And they could have combined them and just taught us two lessons. I mean, just real quick. Hmm. I agree. Wow. The efficient. All right. And I have to move away from that before Eli admits to a felony. I agree. Wow. The efficient. All right.

And I have to move away from that before Eli admits to a felony. And now, Teacher Babies this way. We've got all the important fish babies stuff out of the way. And now he quantum leaps into Carly Fiorina. He doesn't. The deleted scenes would be amazing in this movie. But yeah.

So instead, he leaps into an elderly black woman. And I wrote in my notes, I bet this part won't be racist. David A.R. White movies are so tasteful in matters of race relations. Right. And she's asleep. And the, the, her family is gathered around for her birthday and they decide to scream an old black woman awake. That's, that's your fat.

Ah. All right. It looks like we're're gonna have to wait to open that will for another couple of weeks. Damn. Let's hit her with a fire hose for old. So yes, so they all tell her happy birthday. Everybody wanders off giving zero fucks about her. And then she has to wander into the kitchen so they can all like stand around and reminder of the importance of good family fun or whatever. Is that right? Is that where it's it's just black people talking. It's a montage of that. Yeah. He's learning a montage. A montage of black people talking. They were literally, the movie literally says to us. And then you know know the black people all black people.

Cause it's like, oh, they won a game for 44 years. I love you. Hungry happy birthday hands up. Don't shoot. Literally the movie couldn't be bothered to give us a scene with African American. No. So we get an African American ask mom. seen with African American. No. So we get an African American-esque month.

I feel like there's better choices than this to learn things about being a black person. Like, yeah, he just wakes up as Trayvon. Bang. Like, yes. Lesson learned. Got it. Right back to sleeping. Yeah.

So yeah, so then he has to pray as the old black lady and I would love to see the first doesn't take some of this one. So I'm going like, David, stop doing the voice. Don't do the voice. Your voice, David, the stagehand holding Delarie's back the whole time. Guarantee the seat was motherfucker. Not today. I guarantee this scene was the nutty professor in the first draft. You're right. He's doing it all of them. And then he bamps away again, but before we can find out where he's gone, we head over to Tony talking to the ex wife, where she's like, have you seen Tony and he goes, uh, uh,

that depends. Just I want to put a pin in that. Just keep in mind that that was his answer there. Just, just, just want him to be also also mentions that he hasn't been himself lately. Oh, see. Yeah. Well, and she can't find him to give the divorce papers. That's what's happening here, right?

Yeah, right. He's the pastor at the church. She could just go there and he, right? He does his body shut down and hibernate during the quantum leaps when he's, what else? We eventually learned that he is wandering around as someone else too. We'll get to it. But yeah, there is a just regular him during this whole thing too. So yeah, right.

So she gives, and I think this is how it works, right? Like if you can't find someone to serve them with legal documents, you can just give them to someone else and then you're done. That counts. Okay. Cool. That's what she counts. Okay. Cool. That's what she does. Yeah.

Pass this note to so and so. Do you want to divorce me? Yes. No, maybe. Yeah. So then she leaves and of course he's got to look at the camera and go, Oh, rich, where are you man? You know, so that we can say, yes, where indeed is he?

We'll find out in the next scene won't we? And this is what I looked down at the player on on YouTube and I saw that I was only halfway through this piece of shit So while I revisit that horror of a moment we're gonna pause for a quick break after I give act three the hard sell here Will this movie end with Tony taking a fish in a plastic bag to the divorce court proceedings? Why the fuck not find out the answer to these questions and more when we return for all seven conclusions of me again. Hi, I'm Ponyty and I'm Carl the bugger-pegg-gun and we're here for Christian movie beach vacations. Longing to get away with your spouse will love one but you just can't seem to find the time. Thanks Carl, we, never fear.

We're here to help you out. We'll send you a full-color magazine sized brochure of the exact same picture for every day for 25 years until the time comes for you to take the plunge. Oh, you said it, Tony. What we lose in printing costs we make up for in customer loyalty. Christian movie beach vacations. of these days you'll go Do you believe people say we sound alike? I don't hear it. Yeah, we need a Hey Tony, it's me

Chris is that you? Yep, I'm a lady this time a lady. That's crazy. Well don't worry, buddy We'll figure out how to get you out of there. Hey hey hey. I didn't say that. You didn't say what? I just well I'm thinking maybe I'll say a lady for a while. Dude are you doing weird stuff to your lady body? No, no! I'm coming over there! I don't- uh, fine! Give me, uh, like 20 minutes. Somebody order a pizza.

Make it 30. And we're back for more of this shit when we last left off. Our hero was finished being Delarisa and now he's gonna live out Donald Trump's fantasy and wake up as his daughter's boyfriend. Yes. I mean, not just Donald Trump's fantasy. That's what I'm saying. It's not be judgey here on God awful.

So, so yeah, we meet him is like the mom comes into bitch at him for sleep at all day. She's such a bitch. And then his daughter calls dying for the day. Die begging for the D. Yeah. My mom's going to be home in any minute and take you like three minutes. Come on. Let's go.

So and and it's he's not like, oh, not tonight, honey. I have a headache. He's like, yeah, no, I'll go fuck my daughter. All right. I'll be there in a minute. Damn it. What? I guess anything else probably would have been a better answer. ahead, I'd like you to say, yeah, no, I'll go fuck my daughter. All right, I'll be there in a minute. Damn it. What?

I guess anything else probably would have been a better answer. I'll point out that unlike all the other wacky costumes, David R. White ends up being dressed in in this movie, David R. White is almost always dressed like a teenage boy. So he looks like a lean right. Right. Right. Got a fucking Ed Hardy T-shirt. I hate him so much. Oh, I wanted him to look in the mirror

and just start beating the shit out of himself. And of course, while he's putting his shoes on, he comes across Collins Pyle and Newtie magazines. He goes, I knew you were trouble. I was like, I knew you were from the 50s. What the fuck are you doing? This movie was made in 2012. It's a Pan Am travel brochure next time born with the fuck you do. Yeah. Anyway, so he goes to put his shoes on or whatever. And his mom comes in to bitch at him so that he can deliver the whole. You ever think you should have disciplined me more, mom? Kind of moment.

Hey, when I get home, I want you to spank me. I'm gonna go fuck my daughter. This movie is sexually complicated. You know what? So boy, somebody had to explain this to David Ayer White and the way I was like, no, David, you know, you can't. He's like, I'm not. I'm seriously not even allowed to hand. I'm not. So then he runs out to that awesome Camaro and the music is so loud. Yeah, this movie couldn't afford a nice cheap, right? Just have the bass boost. That was a steep layer.

So yeah, so he runs off to fuck his daughter. He pulls up at the house. And again, he has one of those. I forgot the plot of the movie moments. And it's so fucking awkward if you think about what's going on in this film. Yeah, he runs up and hugs these kids and he's like, hey, it's daddy. But I mean, uh-huh, but it's one of those yes-nose.

No, the question mark, you know what I'm saying? This is not how dramatic Irony works. You can't tell the characters the plot and then have them forget periodically through that's not how any of that works So fucking bizarre and of course like they shoehorn this in the He goes he's just to the kids. He's like you guys are planning that pile of wood and he's like well or Pushy fucking dad couldn't build us a playhouse. He's a bitch. He's like oh, yeah I guess he is and the little girl goes you're not my dad. And he goes, well, how about a daddy sized hug? What?

And if you would like your, how about a daddy sized hug t-shirt, who would be giving them away at reason, Conor? We won't be giving away t-shirts or drugs. I'll be giving away t-shirts. You will earn those t-shirts. So, daddy sized hug. Such your disappointment every time people meet me. I'm just like, oh, thanks so much for listening. Hey, all right.

And you're supposed to suck my dick or something, Mario. Sorry. I'm a wife. So yeah, so the daughter runs up the older daughter, the one that he's gonna fuck. She runs up and gives him a big hug, and then she tries to kiss him. And she gets tackled out of the frame by standards and practices.

And then okay, so they drive off just as moms pulling up, then there's a quick establishing shot, which is really weird because we're just moving to them in the car that they just got in. We don't need to be reminded. We're still in California. Right, but he's been driving for a while and he goes, so where are we going? It's like, where have you been driving? All right. Here we are. Subway. No, not subway. Yeah. T T time Warner cable. Here we. Zumaad, he's just been doing donuts at a parking lot. That's what I'm saying.

Now tell me where we're going. Look at me, not know how driving works. But yeah, so first, she has to have a, oh, you're just like my dad moment, which is oddly sexual. Oh, Jesus, I was so erect. The crazy billionaire remake of this movie is a very easy to make and be not appropriate for children.

Ha, ha, ha. is a very easy to make and be not appropriate for children. So, but this is where he finds out that she's taking, he's supposed to be taking her to the doctor's office. And I thought it was going to be for an abortion. Me too. Nope. I was really kind of hoping for the abortion moment, but it's very similar. Yeah.

Well, yeah, I guess so. Very similar. You were a lot of women. You were a lot of women. You were a lot of women. You were a lot of women. Very similar. Very similar. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess so. It's identical according to hobby lobby. Yeah. So, yeah. So the, but he's actually taken her there to get birth control pills. And we have this a long comedy beat of dad freaking out about the daughter having safe sex. It's so good. Take a care your body and I buy on X. He he.

Birth, Kershaw, why don't you just murder a baby right now? I know. You know, right now, I just jerks off into his hand. Go ahead, step this baby. Kill this baby. Are you serious? I'm gonna jump into a baby's body right now. Why don't you kill me?

Kill your dad and a baby all at once. He he he he. Yeah, so he pulls the car over and jumps out and says, scream about how she's grounded. Because again, he doesn't know the plot again. Yeah, I know we keep coming back to this, but you need to understand like this movie does this. That's why we're describing it. It's not like we're just like, and then this movie over and over again, changes its mind

about what David R. White knows and doesn't know and how he is or is not able to communicate with the other characters. It's fucking infuriating. No, it really is and that's probably best exemplified in the very next scene where he goes back to the house to tell mom about the evil birth control. Right. But he knows he's in the kid's body and he doesn't open up with, look, I mean, this has got to be a hard thing to explain to somebody one way or the other. But the right way to explain it is to not start by freaking out and saying, no, I'm your husband.

Look, I could convince my wife no matter what body I'm in. I just described the last three restaurants I crap my pants in and she'd be like, ah, you jump bodies. Also your gross. All right. Let's get you to a doctor or something. It's a good thing. You crap yourself so often. Know that. Yeah, remember Olive Garden that was really embarrassing. I also, I also have to feel like, like the mom would not need a lot of convincing to fuck this kid. Yeah. I wanted him to be like, no, I'm your husband.

She was like, you're probably right. Girk. Girk. He's like, wow, you're even easier to convince than Tony. Yeah. Sure I was. All right.

Here's the thing. I'm going to give you a belt. My safe word doesn't ex, look at me calling. Look at me. My saver doesn't exist. I'm going to say a lot of no words and I don't want you to listen. Oh wait, stop a second. You see that? That was a test, Colin. That was a test. And you failed by stopping two for flinch. So, so now he goes over to see Tony still as

Colin, still as the boyfriend so that we can get the amazing title drop where he comes and says, it's me again. Oh, that's the name of the movie. And so, and, and this is also, so he goes in and he starts bumming around with Tony about how terrible the whole thing is. And this is where it explains, Tony explains that the real him is still walking around out there somewhere. And I'm like, was the fish in it? Is that where everyone else goes? The fish isn't it's funny, just him preaching. Uh, Pastor, why you taking a long ropey poop as you walk back and forth and thrusters to be wrong? This is the best sermon you've done in a while.

Just looking for pointers. Oh, and of course they have to have the like, why would you still be my friend if I suck so bad conversation? And it's because when he was in college, David A.R. White drove to him and saved his life to three by introducing him to Jesus. Yeah. Oh, and again, it's one of these just very awkward. Like I think they caught these guys between takes and just used it moments where they're like, Oh, what a couple of fucking losers. We are, huh? Oh, man, no, no.

He even says at one point, he's like, but Tony, when is this going to end? Like he's channeling me at this point. And then Tony's still channeling me. He says things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. Yeah. Tony actually says, you might not like yourself very much, but you're a great person. And I wrote in my notes, words David A.R. White wrote for someone to say to him. Say it like you mean it. words David A.R. White wrote for someone to say to him.

Say it like you mean it. And then there's a surprise tiger. Okay. So what the fuck has this is so amazing. You can you can find this movie for free on YouTube. And I assume this is some way of getting around like the the bots that check to see if you're putting it. I don't know. But all of a sudden at this point in the movie, there was a cartoon singing tiger for like 90 seconds

and then not. Okay. Okay. I streamed this on Amazon and did not see the surprise tiger, but I watched this fucking scene 85 times because no one heath had surprise tiger in their nose. So if you're like me and you wash this any other way, welcome to the club. I was like, what the fuck are they talking?

I didn't want to ruin it. I was like, oh, it's probably a joke. I'm really going to look. No, I didn't stand on surprise cartoon tiger. Oh my God. I'm furious. It was the best part of the movie. I fucking died.

I every David A. I our white movie should have a cartoon singing tiger at the most emotionally charged moments in the movie. And most of the other moments. Right. Right. Right. Now we're talking about it because it happens just as Tony's giving him the divorce papers. It's like, here's your divorce papers. I'm a little tiger saying this song. It was amazing. I love that so much. I'm real jealous. You're going to have.

I'll send it to you with a time. That'd be a great process server. A singing cartoon tiger. And get on it. But yeah, so, but now he's got to go back home and save his marriage. But of course, he's still in the kid body and doesn't seem to realize that now again. He doesn't even though he just again, even though he just realized it with his friend,

like two seconds ago, he now has a no idea and decides he's going to like win his wife back in a in a teenage boy's body. Yeah, but I don't, yeah. So, and he's driving too fast, so the cops are following him. And then he runs out of the car, and I'm like, if he was black, they'd kill them by now, but they didn't, because he's white. And I run my notes.

Okay, see now, this is how I would treat a teenage boy's body. I mean, a teenage boy's body that I was inside. I don't know what I mean. I know what you mean. So, yeah, so he just he runs to the house and he's screaming and yelling, April, I love you. That's the wife's name. April, April, I love you. And then the cops wrestle him to the ground. And the cops says, well, man, that about wraps it up. And I wrote, I should be so lucky. Yeah. No, not even fucking close. There's also this weird moment where the cop is like, yeah,

well, sounds like he just really loves your daughter April and she's like, that's me and he's like, I mean sure. Or you know, I get that transition. So now we cut to him, spend in the night in County, bitching about what a terrible life he has. And this is where we meet big girl who is his cellmate and playing a harmonica and fucking with him. Yeah, you know how they often introduce the ex-mocking a character nine tenths of the way through the movie. Did you sell the main character to fucking self and never appear again? Yeah. That's how much Bruce McGill they could afford. Just for the record, locked in a jail cell and stuck inside a teenage boy while big Earl plays the harmonica.

That's the name of the scene. Yeah, so he gives him some words of wisdom or whatever, then fucks off going like I was in Lincoln, bitches, I don't need this shit. Well, we'll let you play the harmonica and everything. Same amount as my lines. Yeah, let you play the harmonica and everything. Same amount as my lines. Yeah, same amount as your lines. I really want people to buy my CD.

Yeah, you know what, but you're sitting on the screen, which wherever you want, Bruce. All right. Fine. He's like, well, if you're so smart, what do you do to hang out in prison? And big girl goes, oh, I like it in jail. I'm just like, oh, dear, dear bigger.

But the message is that people in desperate situations are the easiest to sell on religion. He said, yeah, no, he admits it. Yep, that's exactly what I'm doing. Yeah. And then of course, and he wanders off, and that's where David Ayer writes, realizes he was a magic Jesus angel or whatever.

And then he looks at the fucking camera, he goes, so this is what rock bottom feels like. Coming from a man with no come on his face, no tracks in his arms and shoes. Fuck you, dude. You have no idea. Well, I'm just glad to know that I've hit rock bottom several times. I mean, it was all up here or possibly right back down to that level from here. Yeah. Wanted to take a travel brochure out of his pocket. Okay. This is rock bottom. I really want to get there. But then he bamps away again. And this time he wakes up in his own bedroom. Now, based on the decorum, I started to write and now he wakes up as an old Asian lady.

But no, that's just his bedroom. No, but it turns out his daughter wanders in, but no, he's his wife. Yeah. Yeah. We, yeah. And by the way, I would spend the whole time masturbating for her, not just for me. Yeah, the daughter's like, uh, can you tell me a story? And I said, no, don't tell her a story.

Find a carrot or a massage one. Please, I've earned this movie. So 79. I would happily watch David A.R. White ride a Sibian if it cross cuts. There is no if necessary. And that's such for me. I'm naked in a mirror fighting her vagina with his dick like. And that's such a per me. Him naked and mirror fighting her vagina with his dick like parking at it. Yeah, yeah, but instead

she tells the kids a story and we have to sit through that fuck you movie. And here's the story. There are two farm boys, one, one to be rich, but eventually you went home the end. That's a stupid fucking story, a stupid, stupid story. And the kid tells us, asks the student, he's like, and they, a stupid, stupid story. And the kid tells us, asks the student, he's like, and they had a big party and she's like, was there cake and a piano? And I wanted him to be like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me up is up, but now I know, and that's awesome. Now I know what that means, what I see it spelled out.

But the key here is that now he gets the story of the prodigal son. So that he didn't get when he was doing the thing before. Also, for those wondering when my wife walked out of this movie, Anna became obsessed in this scene. For the first time ever, paused a movie I was watching and asked me where the people whose body he takes over go and gave me like a 25 minute fan theory about like them being in his body and I was just like, you're overthinking this Christian movie.

Nobody has thought this hard. She walked out of the room to go right her own Christian movie. But that's okay. Awesome. I can't wait to review it. And so then he has to get up and make breakfast for the young ins. And the daughter wants to talk about the near fucking with her boyfriend and whatnot. And this is also where, where he burns the pancakes.

Yeah, what they burst into white right? Exactly. Do the pancakes. What? I bet you can't. Yeah. So the pancakes catch on fire. So they go to Uncle Tony's for breakfast.

This is the fourth time this family will have eaten at this restaurant in the last three days, twice for breakfast. This restaurant makes no sense. And everyone on the staff hates this fucking family. That's why they keep serving them trip and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's interesting though that like for the first time in this movie, he's truly happy. Like, like all of all the bodies he's been and he's like, no, I can be a woman. I'm happy as a woman. I feel comfortable here. Keep me out of a bathroom.

Sorry, I'm going through a lot right now. So yeah, so then he goes to Tony and he's like, now Tony, now it's me and I'm me again, again, they do the plot thing. And he's like, what if this was the movie, what would have to happen now for me to get out? And Tony says, well, now you would have to face your enemy and defeat him, the enemy within. I'm like, mirror match. Yes. That's what I wanted so badly for him to have to fight himself and face to face combat, but no, he's got to take himself to divorce court. Yeah.

Yeah. So and then he's like, Hey, Tony, you might watch the kids for the rest of the movie. We really don't have a part for them from here on. And Tony's like, yeah, of course. And so he goes, this ends today. And I'm like, well, at least the movie and promise me that, I guess turns out that's wrong. By the way, we will go through

an entire other day of this shit. So yeah, it's to me movie. You brought my heart. So now we have to go to the court house so he can argue with himself. And also so we can get these showing up late to court cliche. Yeah, all court rooms should have like really slow automatic doors, just to make it awkward for people to burst in and like this. That'd be fun. Movie court houses at least. You're on her. Sorry.

You're on. You're on. You're on. I can get my arm through. How's it going backwards? You're on her. I would like to. God damn it.

It only opens. Sorry. I got to turn sideways. I have a bunch of letters in the hall. but none of them are gonna fit through here. So yeah, so the wife walks up to him. Now this is him walking up to himself or whatever and he says his opening line here is, you're a man of the cloth in a divorce court. You don't even believe in divorce. And I felt like that was a subtle way of explaining why you still fucking Andrea despite all the gods, not dad money. Also, quick question. Maybe we need Andrew for this. Are you allowed to just yell at the other

side for 10 to 15 minutes before the court proceedings start in a divorce? I understand that's only an arbitration. Nope. Yeah. Yeah. So, but no, of course, obviously, because the judge has no issue with it whatsoever. He just lets him yell at him. No, he doesn't just let him. She gives a speech and she's like, it's about being the best you, you can be. And the judge is like, that's a pretty good argument. And yeah, no, it isn't. It's a layman's bumper sticker. But yeah, yeah, the judge is like, the judge is part of this is to go, oh, no, it isn't. It's a layman's bumper sticker. But yeah, the judges, like, judges part in this is to go, oh, no, she didn't.

Remember when Jimmy Stewart beats himself in court in its wonderful life? That's always fun part. I remember envisioning that. Yeah. So yeah, it's I got overruled. I got overruled, Clare. I talked this way because I had terrible PTSD

and beat and almost murdered my wife. A lot of people know that about. True, Google me. So the judge finally asks after the whole monologue is over. He's like, are you saying you want to withdraw your petition for divorce? And she's saying, and he says, she, he, whatever. He says, I'm saying happiness is a choice.

And I so wanted him to go like all my cousin, Vinnie, you know, the next words out of your mouth are going to be either yes or no, but no. I think I get. God, Jesus, there are still 20 minutes left in this fucking movie. Yeah. So my notes at this point were just, yeah, that's how court works. And then he walks off. So they just walked off in the judge. She's the divorce practitioner and the judge is like, well, she probably still wants a divorce postpone for 30 days.

So all of that works. Yeah. So then we cut to that night proving the movie was lying when it said this ends today. And he's looking over a family photo. And the photo is amazing, by the way. Oh, it's so good. It's obviously a real photo of a time in David air white where he was like, let's let the hair really go. Really. Like he snuck away from his mom and gotten to hot topics, die section.

And I want to point out that if this point in the movie, like we know there are two hymns and we were just with both of them in the courthouse, so we don't know which hymn this is yet, but it's the hymn hymn in case he's serious. The church, which is where you would think the not hymn hymn would be. Right. Yeah, what if he runs into hymn hymn, him would be right. Yeah. What if he runs into him, him, but yeah, exactly. So and I'm also writing in the notes like, where the fuck are the kids at this point? Just it's in the middle of the night. Did you just leave him at Tony's restaurant

overnight? Yeah, they just have long tubes filled with marinara sauce funneling them like fucking log raw hellscape. Yeah, but I guess this is where he has to like pray himself back into his own body. And this is where like, David A.R. White really goes for it. His capital A acting moment here. And of course, it's in the form of promising God that he'll rejoice more if God will stop fucking with him. Right. So it's the light at the door again. Yeah. And there are still 16 minutes in this fucking movie. This is the last two minutes of a movie.

This acts like the last two minutes of a movie. But yeah, we still got 16 fucking minutes. So yeah, now we're a week earlier and this is just Tony bringing him the movies that he was going to bring him at the beginning. Right. This movie is like someone put a Christmas Carol and it's a wonderful life in a blender. They made a shitty movie instead. Yeah. So he finally sees Tony is trying to like establish that he's in reality that he woke up from a dream or whatever. And he's like Tony, it's me.

And Tony's like, yeah. All right. So tell me what you see. He's like a failed actor. Yeah. All right. Fuck you. Come. He said the deleted scenes from this would be awesome. So yeah, so now we have to have him explain the plot of this movie to Tony for like the third time in this movie, the same character. And again, like you can cut to the end of this, you know, right? You can cut to David saying, and then I woke up here at Tony, going, man, that's a pretty hard to believe. But for the purposes of this last, but no, we sit through the explanation

again. He also references a Christmas Carol here. Oh, does he? Yeah. Oh, this is what I thought you meant by best worst homage where he goes, uh, I could have done it all in one knife. I suppose he's God. He can do anything.

And even the movies like, don't do that bullshit. Don't. Oh, yeah. That's don't don't make Charles a part of your cheating. Yeah. No, no, I was talking about the amazing quantum leap. Oh, my, um, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was a pretty good one too, I guess. So and then this scene ends too with him going like, man, I got to fix my marriage. I've got a plan. And it cuts out. Well, why can't we hear that? You're going to reveal it right now. The movie's almost over. We know it's almost over. It's like the very next of beginning of the next scene is the reveal for that secret. Yeah. If you're talking to someone alone in the room, why start to whisper your plan? All right, guys, here's what we're gonna do next week on scathing.

We're not, nope, nope, just tell us. We're all, this is called conversation. So now it's time for the playhouse building montage because this is the last thing we had not seen in montage for my guests. And we're supposed to believe he's been kicked out of this house. Yeah, he doesn't live here anymore. So in the middle of the night,

he breaks into his home and without waking his wife or children, cuts wood with a circular saw. Yeah. He does a bunch of tool stuff that he's, he's never touched a single one of these tools in reality. He's like spinning a socket wrench for no reason. He's slapping screws with the side of a wood saw.

Traffic is it? No, none of this. Yeah, he probably didn't know they made noise. Yeah. So yeah, somehow he manages to build a playhouse in the middle of the night with power tools without awakening anyone. And his wife wakes up to the sound of him play housing out back. Oh, he set up a tea party just like at the beginning of the movie.

Also with Chinese lanterns as the lighting. Yeah. Weird, weird ghost touch. We should get a one. Oh, yeah. No, I built as a playhouse and then I got everything for it inside pure one imports. Apparently, Eli had like black servants in his playhouse. As a kid. Last year, they were taken from me. No, it gets it. That was an old joke, by the way. Yeah, yeah, I want to be clear on that.

So yeah, so now their marriage is fixed. He built a playhouse. Pretty much does it. And I just want to say it's good to know I can neglect my wife and my children and build a playhouse and have some tea to make it all up because I spend most of my life on Twitter and watching these movies. So I just back pocketed that. I'm saying there is a bright side to this job.

It's good to have a little lumber just hanging around just in case you ruin your marriage. Yeah. And the kids come out and the daughter goes, I dreamed you would come home and I wrote in my notes, never listen to the dreams of someone you aren't fucking. You have to fuck your daughter now for a variety of reasons. So yeah. So apparently the reason we're not out of this yet is that now he needs to go and fix the lives of all the people whose bodies he was in throughout the movie, right? So we start with the rich gangster guy, which he so sets this up like an assassination. Absolutely. There's no question. I thought he was going to pull out a silence pistol and shoot him in the face. Well, like if you just watched this scene, you would have no reason not to believe the day I have an air white was about to assassinate this old guy. Yeah, he's just sitting there in the limo

I wanted to be like passed out from sitting there too long with a window shot Weapon fun. So yeah, sweaty. He's got under blue sweat. He's like take me seriously though Now actually people who work out tend to sweat more More easily. So, yeah. So he's here to save this guy's soul because he's going to die of a heart attack soon. And he's keeps saying, like, believe me, you're going to die very, very soon. You know, it's like, dude, be specific.

Be a guy. There's no reason to take this as anything other than a threat. Right. And Frank, the rich guy's like, all right, fucking relax. You sound like that Muneon made I have. And he's like, okay, well, I was racist. I was racist. You should come visit my white church, though.

Here's a business one. That's what happens. And then he has to go see Colin. Yep. And he has handcuffed and gagged this teenager in his sleep. Okay. On camera this time. I was not sure that I was going to ask you guys like, did we watch the same copy? I didn't want to start talking about it. I was sure. Yep. That's it. He's in a teenage boy's bedroom and he's handcuffed the kid and shoved a sock in

his mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To give him a talk and he explains that those girls and like Colin, of course, starts to struggle because he's being kidnapped and he's like, uh, don't resist or I'll tell your parents about your porn magazines. And I wanted to spit out the sock and be like, you handcuffed a child. Oh, that's true. Mine is worse. Yeah. Mine is. Exactly.

Mine's a felony. Yeah. Here's a, you have to go around and tell your neighbors about it for the rest of your life. Yes. If you sue me, I'm just going to jump into your body and forgive myself. So the kid doesn't say any of that. He's like really taking it and stride that he's handcuffed and gagged.

He's just doing the scene normal. He's a good kid. Mike, I ain't a kid. Team Paul. Yeah. And so he started and of course he uses the porno magazines to like, to, to, to get into the conversation about how Colin doesn't respect women and thinks of them as objects because of these magazines and that music that you listen to.

And I wanted him so bad to just say, so if you're into objectifying women, why not try the Bible? Yeah, I mean, you literally get to keep them like objects, Colin. Let me read you some Deuteronomy, buddy. Tell me if they ever stone women on the doorstep in your magazines.

They do? You got them from Eli well. I don't know what to play in it. It's like one out of a thousand. Most people are really edge out of the ship. Usually that works. And then he tells him he goes to leave and he's like, oh, by the way, the keys are in the sock. I'm like, you know what he did to those socks. So then he adds down to meet with the fam down at Uncle Tony's restaurant. We have to see that for the 11th time. I'm sorry, all

my notes are time counts now. There are still seven goddamn minutes in this movie. Anyway, and all the kids are tired of Tony's bullshit food. Right. They go, we don't like eating here. And he goes, you know what? Me neither. And they do like a laugh to a freeze frame at the end of a TV show. Except the movie continues. They're just like, so now what? In the movie. Yes. Oh, and then of course he has to steal the fish from Tony to he has to fix the fish his life. He says you people don't know how to take care of fish. What? You people like Italians. Oh, let's start that piece of racism. Italians are terrible pet owners. I don't think you need to start

that one. And now we have to move over to tie up the bill and Maggie thread that was the couple with the baby. And I'm right in my notes like a well written movie can tie off multiple storylines in one scene. This movie, however, is 11 closing parentheses in a row. Yeah, it really is. And this scene is terrible. He brings the parents and he's like, look, so I know you were worried about money last time, but butterfly kisses and snuggles and cuddles and all right. That's it. That's all I got. That's a that is how I plan to convince you not to be worried about money anywhere.

And now that it comes out of my mouth, I feel stupid. Have a calculator, literally how that fucking scene goes. Basically, yeah. Yeah, right. Well, he breaks down. He's like, it's cost this much money. And that's this much money a minute. And would it be worth a dollar a minute to get butterfly kisses and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, yeah, well, you know, Ely charges me $4.95. So, no, that's good. I'll have a baby. Yeah. Let's see that baby do butterfly kisses the way I do. Oh, it's a challenge that baby do a butterfly kiss off. I'm really tired of saying that on this show. I'm tired of hearing you say that on the show. Actually, yeah. Yeah. So I also wanted to close off by going also Maggie, give that poor kid some

tid. It's better for him. It's good for their immune system. So now we can catch back up with the beginning where, you know, if you recall, he was reading this movie script to the parishioners at the beginning. And this scene starts off with him going, I once heard at the end of every great story, the hero must make a speech. I'm like, yeah, at the end of this story too. Apparently, he says, I guess this was mine. And that's it. Yeah. That's the end of speech. Like Webster's dictionary defines lazy and

tried as what just happened. That was my speech. Yeah. So, but, but the movie still is going to go on for four goddamn minutes. So he can talk about how wonderful life is, you know, and as we do, we see how he fixed everyone else's life. Like he got Delarisa cryptic note in an eyeglass chain. So her life is now fixed. An eyeglass chain that says eyeglass chain on it. Yes. Just so we know. Yeah. Exactly. So yeah, she's wowed by the miracle of tying glasses to a string. And then we have to go to Andrea Logan White, who gets her note that he left her that says, yeah,

you're not that bad. You're, you're, you're okay. So she instantly is fine. Her terrible mental illness that has covered her home and self-destructive posts that note, she doesn't need those anymore. She just takes them all down. Yeah. Well, and when she does, she finds like a picture of her family that says call home, so she calls home. Now her life is fixed. She might have a mental disease and that plot just gets left out.

I wanted Siri to be like, you're still the worst. You can take those down. Still hate you. So she calls the mom and I wanted her to be like, hey mom, it's me. Nope, still doing porn. Yeah, mostly animals. Okay, I'll put, I'll put those notes back up.

I'm doing it. Now, and one not to take the notes down, thank you. But no, we just get, hey mom and her life is fixed. We have to assume from that point that her life is just fine. And then we finish off with the two kids from the beginning, right? We met them when they were five years old at the beginning. And now we have to go back to that scene so that we can learn that like, I guess when the girl was five years old, they were betrothed by big girl.

And this is where we really learn just how little English skills this little boy has. I mean, that kid could be Russian. I have no fucking idea what he was saying. He's basically like, so quick, get him back in a hospital, but so the moral of this story, I guess, and most of David, our white's filmography, you're less of a loser than an objective assessment of your life would suggest. I wonder why he keeps finding himself in those films. The moral of this story and what my therapist keeps telling me. Yeah.

All right. Well, I feel like as bad as this movie was, it was still fixable. So I want to wrap this thing up by doing a quick rewrite. Who would David A.R. White have had to leap into at the end of this movie to make it great? Oh, Chelsea Manning. I was going to go with like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, go with like a a mind slave, you know, like in Ethiopia somewhere, just some kid that has to bring a certain amount of gold a day. And he goes back into his real life and he's just like, huh, I guess I'll send a glass of chain for his fingers.

Literally, that was the most fucked up thing about this whole movie is that it was like, you know, he was just like this guy with no problems worried about all of his fucking problems, but then even to show him what his problems were, they still didn't put him into anyone with problems. Yep. That was like this movie doesn't even know what problems would be like how you would know when they arose apparently. All right, 11 down.

The next one we do is David Ayer White, number of dozen. And while that's going to do it for our review of me again, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need a moisten you up for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck held for ransom. Let me read you guys the description from IMDB. All right. This movie is from 1976. And here's the description. Kidnapped blindfolded, transported in the trunk of a car. This is the true story of a Christian woman who experienced the peace and grace through her abduction that only Christ can give.

I thought you were going to say the true story of Eli Bosnik. Wow. Wow, that should be fun. I wonder if the kidnappers give her an eyeglass chain. Oh, I have to tell you, I, so try scroll through these movies just to make sure that they're like Christian and that they're all there on YouTube and all that kind of stuff. And one of the scenes I stopped in, a guy goes, you sure you're not scared and she goes, I suppose I would be if it weren't for Christ.

So it's going to be a great movie. It's not saying it's going to be a great movie. 70s, shorts and 70s here the whole time. So even if it sucks. Oh, absolutely. I also flipped through the movie a little bit. Every single character looks like they're in one of the plot scenes in porn. Yeah, right. Right.

So with that to look forward to will bring episode 79 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among their ranks. You can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating atheists, and the skeptic ride available at iTunes Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik

of Evil Drafts and Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here more by following the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right? Neelai Bosnik, I'm Noel Lutians, promise to work hard on another truck next week until then, we'll lead you with the breakfast club clothes. Mr. Bastion, died of a heart attack while yelling ethnic slurs during a trump rally. Briar learned her lesson and kept only giving Colin the ass in the mouth. Richard went to jail for handcuffing and gagging a teenage boy to threaten him about sex with his daughter.

They're not allowed to do. 9 9 10 10 What was that? I'm sorry, are you complaining about my counting on my side? No, what was that last noise? Oh, that was he laughing at your all right, because what I heard was like he's got a lot of good laughs. You have to unlock them.

They're like, they're like Pokemon, they evolve. Right. And I don't know anything about Pokemon, so I don't really know if that made sense. They do evolve. It evolves a word that I think makes sense. I know about the same amount. Yeah, I throw't know anything about Pokemon, so I don't really know if that made sense. They do evolve. It evolves the word that I think makes sense. Oh, yeah. I know about the same amount.

Yeah, I throw your cum at them. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's that's how I thought it worked. Yeah, exactly. Hi. So I wrote a second. This is my favorite thing. This is my favorite thing.

I'm so I'm muting. I'm muting. I wrote a third sketch, so we don't need this, but it's here. I love it. I love it beyond belief. Even if it's just for me, I want to hear it. But yes, we will both be muting our mix on this one. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz one of thunderstorm LLC copyright 2017. All rights reserved.